


White Lies

by cadkitten, orphan_account



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Accidental Voyeurism, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Anxiety Disorder, Bar Room Brawl, Blood, Bloodplay, Breast Fucking, Breathplay, Cemetery, Cheating, Cock Rings, Crossdressing, Desperation, Desperation Play, Dominance, Double Penetration, Drinking Games, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exhibitionism, Explicit Language, F/M, Female Ejaculation, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Food Porn, Food Sex, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay Bar, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Humiliation, Love Triangles, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Multi, Oral Sex, Other, Painplay, Pegging, Pool Sex, Porn, Self-Fuck, Sex Toys, Shame, Snowballing, Strap-Ons, Surgery, Tantric Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Trans Character, Transphobia, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Fisting, Vaginal Sex, Vegetables, Viagra, Violence, Vomiting, Voyeurism, Watersports, webcam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-16
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 20:02:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 82
Words: 982,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unfortunate accident throws two people's lives together. Attraction makes them take that extra step to draw them deeper. But Die's hiding away a little white lie.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> We came up with the idea of writing something together and well... here it is!  
> Songs: Dir en grey, Seether, System of a Down  
> Fea belongs to japonizombihero.

Late again. He was late. Again. Kaoru knew his job made hours very flexible, but this week he’d had to cram to get an article done for the special issue and his lack of punctuality and tendency to stay up late had made sudden early morning hours very rushed and often very quick to pass right beyond his awareness.

In other words, Kaoru had gotten too used to going out and getting wasted with one night stands, not having to worry about being at work at a certain time, and now it was completely fucking up his schedule. And maybe even his career.

In the seat next to him was a small lunch box with a turkey wrap and some black olives, the disc with his article, and three rolls of undeveloped photography that were supposed to go along with said article, which was due in two hours. “Fuck,” he bit out. The traffic in his city, though not entirely metropolitan, but still very urban indeed, was a total cluster fuck from 7 to 9 AM every workday, and until 10 during the college school year. He slammed on brakes when a minivan cut him off and two of the rolls of film went careening off the leather seat into the mess of fast food bags on the floor board. Cursing and flashing his turn signal as he got off on the appropriate exit, Kaoru began to decelerate towards the stop light and leaned over to dig for the canisters of film in the sea of McDonald's bags, junk mail, and assorted snack wrappers. He was not entirely aware of what had happened when suddenly he was sitting up, one roll of film in hand as he rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head where it had smacked into the dashboard. “Great. Fucking great. Just my luck.”

Red filled his vision, but not from anger or embarrassment. The candy-apple, well-worn sports car, the stop light, and the shock of crimson hair on the tall, lovely man getting out of said car all made a rather implicative rush of adrenaline fill his veins. “Huh… my luck, indeed…”

Die's morning had started off rather innocently. He'd been on time and moving right along with the traffic. Three minutes and he'd be at work, five he'd be parked, and seven he'd be upstairs. But then his little red car lurched forward, part way into the intersection and the sickening crunch of metal against fiberglass filled his ears. He gasped, his eyes wide as he pushed his foot harder on the brakes. The traffic going both ways through the intersection made his heart leap into his chest with fear and slight panic. But then the car was stopped and he let out a sigh of relief.

Putting his baby in park and shutting off the engine, he pushed open his door, took off his seat belt and stepped out onto the pavement, his bright red hair fluttering in the slight wind. He walked around to the back of the car and stared down at the crushed in bumper of his car and the dangling headlight of the other car. A small frown pulled at his lips and irritation danced in his eyes. _'Well fuck,'_ he thought to himself before sighing and pulling out his cell phone, calling work first and letting them know he'd be late due to an unfortunate accident. As soon as he'd hung up from that, he dug out his insurance papers and information.

Coming back around, he peered at the other driver, unable to help himself. He looked the other man over, his heart beating quickly in his chest. Tattoos... beautifully kept hair... it was like a dream. He had to keep himself from smiling and instead crossed his arms over his chest, papers hanging from his fingertips. "So... are we calling this in or are you paying me off?" Blunt, true... but so very him at the same time.

Kaoru dug out his business and insurance cards with shaking hands, trying to calm his quickened breath and compose himself, embarrassed and a little shaken from the accident, stepping out of the car with a comically exaggerated apologetic expression on his face. "I am... so, so sorry. God, this has been a terrible morning...." He surveyed the damage, scratching the back of his head, then running fingers nervously through the shift of purple at the front, his three-quarter sleeve coming up to reveal more of his tattoo; a full sleeve of Tim Burton inspired art. 

Die's eyebrow arched finely as he watched the other man step from the car. The look on his face was more amusing than it was apologetic and he thought vaguely of years ago and burlesque classes. This was definitely a 'ten' for a face. The thought shoved a smile on his lips and it took a lot to not burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all. The memories flitted away as this other man's arm came up and his sleeve slipped back, revealing more of the tattoos. Die's entire focus shifted and he couldn't help but stare right at the artwork for a few heartbeats.

Kaoru’s stomach flopped, not even paying attention to the man whose car he’d hit, not really wanting to see the look of anger; he was a task-oriented, list-writing, over-pragmatic thinker, a true Aquarian at heart, which also tended to make him filter-less and a bit oblivious, and already the list was rolling out in his head with all the things he'd have to take care of and pay for because of this one careless mishap. And somewhere on that list, he knew he had to try and flirt with this guy. Could he say... gorgeous?

"Are you alright? Geez, I am so sorry!"

Clearing his throat, Die focused on the question. He shrugged a little. "Fine... my baby's not... but I'm fine." He scrunched up his nose, focus once again on the bumper of his car. Of course right after he'd plastered an AC/DC bumper sticker on the thing. It was like a curse or something. Sighing, he noted the lack of answer to his own question and he made a different sort of face, this one slightly more frustrated. "Guess I'll call the cops, yeah?" If he got no answer this time, he'd just call them himself. No point in dillydallying. More time was more money down the drain.

Kaoru puffed out his cheeks and let out a sigh. "Yeah. Yeah..." 

Die sighed quietly, pulling his phone out again and dialing the non-emergency number for the police. He quickly recited what had happened and where to the woman on the other end of the phone. He shifted from foot-to-foot as he told them all of his information, reading off numbers and names. The woman sounded bored as she wrote it down and Die didn't miss that particular fact as he rolled his eyes. He could only hope she was really writing out the police report because otherwise his insurance would be fucking pissed at him later. 

Kaoru waited for the other to finish giving all of his information to the dispatcher and then handed him his business card and insurance information. "Here ya go." He went around the cars and leaned against the passenger door of his Honda by the sidewalk so that he wasn't standing right near the rest of the traffic still moving through the light, obsessively opening and closing his phone to watch the minutes to his deadline tick by. 

Die hung up and went on to write down Kaoru's information in his notepad function on his phone. No sense in letting him go without a copy of all the right information. 

Kaoru rubbed his elbow, exposing the edge of a three-quarter sleeve of traditional Japanese art on his other arm, the slender wrist of said arm looped with a thick green leather band, the hand nervously rubbing wearing a large silver ring with a polished piece of amber on its middle finger. He opened his passenger door and grabbed his pack of cigarettes and a lighter, drawing in a deep first drag and blowing it back out, looking at the other man again. "So, I guess I'm making you late to work, too, probably, huh? I'm Kaoru, by the way.”

Die slipped the phone back into his pocket once he was done and then handed Kaoru his information back, his eyes sweeping over the other man's body again. He shrugged a little. "Whatever... I called to let them know why I'm late. Not like they won't be able to see the crunched bumper and know I wasn't lying." He stood there awkwardly for a few moments and then held up his own information. "Uh... have a pen so I can give you my info?" Again, his eyes landed on tattooed flesh and he immediately looked away, a slight tint to his cheeks. What was it about men with ink that held his attention so well? He tried to shrug it off, feeling stupid for the blush on his cheeks as he kind of waved his papers at Kaoru, suddenly impatient.

Kaoru took them between the ring and pinkie fingers of the hand he was smoking with and reached into his pocket, pulling out a pen and a receipt, jotting down Die's information on the back of it, then handing the cards back. "Thanks. Er, I guess..." He tossed half his cigarette into the gutter and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Aaah, shit, I'm gonna be lucky to still be employed after this..." Die took his cards back, just slipping them into his pocket rather than keeping them out. Kaoru pulled his hair back in a nervous gesture, briefly flashing a glimpse at the bat tattooed on his throat before dropping his thick, shoulder-length hair back down again. Die’s eyes came back up at the exact same time Kaoru flipped his hair back and his breath stuck in his throat. Another tattoo. Oh god. He was seriously done for now. 

Kaoru looked over at the other man once more - Daisuke, his insurance card had said - noting his lean, long limbs and wide, supple - kissable, perhaps - looking mouth, offering a smile. "So, ah, where were you headed this morning, before I so unceremoniously interrupted your commute?" 

Swallowing a bit, Die tried hard to just meet the other man's eyes. His tongue darted out to wet his lips before disappearing back into his mouth. "Oh... um... I work at an advertising agency just a few blocks from here." He noted the way Kaoru seemed to fidget... and then the way the other was looking at him. His blood rushed hot through his veins and he suddenly felt the uncomfortable sensation of becoming aroused. He tried to shake it off. "Well... we should probably get out of the way of people." He glanced at the traffic having to go around them and then back at Kaoru. "So um... call me," he trailed off and then flushed, quickly tacking on, "if there's something you need." That sounded a little better, though not too much.

Kaoru smiled goofily and took one step around his car, then stopped, taking two steps back towards the fleeing, sexy redhead. "Wait! Wait, I--" 

Die had turned to start toward the driver's side door of his car, his hand pausing on the handle as his breath stuck in his throat. Kaoru asked him to wait... wait for what? He turned his head, the wind partially obscuring his face with strands of brilliant red hair as he peered back at the other man. 

Kaoru cleared his throat, straightening up and gathering his courage. "I feel bad about ruining your morning. Maybe when you call you could... let me know if you're free on Friday? I feel like I should at least buy you dinner." His smile changed as he felt proud of himself for getting that out there, his grin now a charming one, his dark eyes shimmering with mirth and innuendo. "It's the least I could do, really."

The question caught Die off guard and he blushed a bit more. For a moment, he hesitated, insecurity flooding him. But he pushed through it, nodding. He couldn't let his own problems hold him back forever. "How about... I tell you I'm definitely free on Friday. Call me with a time." With that, he opened the door to his car and slipped inside, shutting the door and taking a moment to calm himself down. His hands were trembling just the smallest amount and he made a fist a few times to quell it. A grin appeared on his face as he turned the car back on and carefully pulled forward a few feet. No sounds of the bumper falling off were heard, so he checked the intersection and then headed on through the light, glancing back once in his rear view mirror to see Kaoru.

Kaoru got into his car, fighting back the huge grin wanting to creep onto his lips, and waited until Die had turned to start pounding his fists against the steering wheel in a fit of triumph. "YES YES YES YES WOOHOO!!!" He stopped, hair a mess and thrown across his face, and, panting, started the car, realizing there was still an article to finish and a deadline already passed to do it by. Oh well, they'd get over his late submission. He had a date with a sexy, slender, redheaded, gorgeous guy; and a Japanese one at that. Not a whole lot could ruin his day just then.


	2. Chapter 1

Die stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom at his apartment. He'd had to resist doing too much to his hair and face, trying hard to let old habits die. But sometimes his fingers just itched for what he'd grown up learning about and there was nothing going to stop him from doing small pieces of it. He sighed softly as he reached into his cabinet and pulled out a pill bottle, opening the childproof top and shaking out one blue and white pill into his palm. He filled a small glass with water and popped the pill into his mouth, following it with the liquid to swallow it down.

The glass went back on the counter and he checked out his reflection in the mirror for a few more moments, pushing his hair back out of his face and sighing softly, wondering if he was nuts for having put on the tiny bit of eyeliner or not. But then... obviously Kaoru was gay or he wouldn't have invited him out. So maybe he'd understand.

He pushed back from the counter and headed into the front room, pulling his leather jacket from the back of the couch and tugging it on. One last check of his phone told him it was time to meet Kaoru down in the lobby. He slipped out of the apartment, locking the door on the way out and then headed for the elevator, a soft smile on his lips. Nervous or not, here he came.

He waited impatiently, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his tight black pants as he stared at the silver doors in front of him. The floors on the counter over the doors slid downward, telling him of his plunge down to the first floor. He took a deep breath as the doors opened and he stepped out, the burgundy silk shirt peaking out from under his jacket shining in the florescent lights of the lobby.

Kaoru was early, as always, waiting patiently down in the lobby of Die's apartment building, humming slightly to himself, looking at the tacky photos hung across from the security desk. He had dressed a little more masculine than usual today, dress slacks that fit his narrow hips and showed off that despite the fact he was of average height, he had rather long, slender legs, a worn, green t-shirt of some obscure band, and a brown suit jacket that was cut to make him look terribly thin and long, like the pants, a rather well-played illusion. His hair was pulled back in a loose, intentionally sloppy braid, and he was again wearing his amber ring.

When he heard the elevator ding, he turned on his heel, wearing good shoes, the nice ones he wore when he had to meet with the higher-up, snotty fucks from the head office, and smiled, the tight, nervous knot in his chest melting when he saw Die revealed as the doors slid open. Immediately, Die’s eyes flicked up to find Kaoru seconds before the other man spoke. "Evening," Kaoru called in his black-water voice, taking a few steps towards the elevators. "Right on time."

An almost shy look crossed Die’s face as he left the elevator behind. "I'm usually right on time; never late," he replied softly, pausing about a foot from the other man and smiling softly at him. "How was your day?" The casual conversation just bubbled up, trying to fill any potential gap that could happen and he realized quickly that this was something he still needed to work on, something he needed to suppress more often than he already did.

Kaoru couldn't stop smiling, though it was comfortable. He instinctively put his hand on the small of Die's back, leading him towards the door. "Good, actually. Only had to go into the office for a few hours. Oh, and all the insurance went through on my side, so you should be able to get everything covered at the shop." Die nodded. A call on his voice mail had informed him that he could take his car in tomorrow for more than just an estimate. Too bad for the insurance company that the damn thing was going to cost well over nine thousand to fix. Stupid for a bumper, but that's what happened when fiberglass was involved, he supposed.

Kaoru pushed the door open for them, leading Die onto the street. Die allowed the other to guide him with that hand on the small of his back. Really, he didn't mind being touched in such ways, it was easy like this. It was only awkward if they got to groping around. "Lucky for us--” Kaoru continued, “because my car's still in the shop--there's this amazing tapas bar just a few blocks down I thought I might take you to. Are you a vegetarian, any allergies or anything?"

The question made Die grin a bit. So considerate... so much different from all of the guy's he used to date. It was a refreshing change... one he'd always thought he'd be more comfortable with and he was apparently right. "No, no allergies and I eat meat like nature intended me to." At least in that respect, he felt somewhat normal... a state of being he wasn't all that used to.

Kaoru laughed, a sound like prayer bells. "Well, excuse me for trying to be considerate," he teased, taking his hand from Die's back and tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket, walking close to him. Their steps were slow, comfortable, a stroll, really. He didn't know a thing about this guy, but something about Die was like a breath of fresh air, easy and relaxing. He couldn't help but stare a little, but not just because the other was gorgeous; there was something about his very presence, the deep color of his chocolate eyes, that drew Kaoru in, made him want to know more.

It was easy for Die to fall into step with him, the pace comfortable and not making him feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. He did, however, tug his jacket closed a little bit more, pausing to zip it up halfway and then started walking again, having only paused for a half a second or so. For the first time in months, he felt honestly relaxed. It was so odd for him to be like this, to not actually mind being out with someone. The smile on his face attested to it all quite well.

Coming back to the conversation, Die chuckled, finding Kaoru's comment amusing. "Hey, I'm easy," he murmured in reply. That comment really did have two meanings... though he was trying hard not to be 'easy' in the sexual manner anymore. For one, it was more trouble than it was worth at this point in his life... and for two, he really did need to avoid the sluttiness of his past. 

Kaoru nudged Die with his elbow. "So, no sore neck or anything? I had a knot on my head for a few days."

Die shifted a little bit and looked over at Kaoru. "No, no I've been fine. It really didn't jar me at all, just freaked me out." He peered over at the other man. "I hope you feel better now."

A strange, unreadable expression passed behind Kaoru's deathrot colored eyes. "Mm, I'm much better right now." His hand went again to Die's back when they caught a gap in the traffic to jog across the street, an almost subconscious action. He led the other up to the restaurant, pulling the door open for him with a little smile. Die followed suit, not minding running across the traffic. He'd done it a million and one times in his life and he would keep doing it forever, he was sure. He smiled a bit at the hand that had returned to his lower back. It made him feel wanted and he couldn't help the little bounce in his step as he moved into the restaurant, going through the door Kaoru opened for him. "Thank you," he murmured in reply to the action, pausing and smiling at the hostess.

"You'll love this place, I swear." Kaoru stepped in after Die and waved to the hostess, who smiled at him familiarly. When she asked where they'd like to sit, Kaoru turned to Die, raising a brow. "Do you smoke? I usually sit at the bar, but if it bothers you..."

"Yeah, I smoke; the bar is fine." He liked being able to be so agreeable, it really did help him feel like he could please others the way he wanted to. The hostess led them through the restaurant to the large bar, dimly lit and decorated like a flamenco bar, with Moorish designs and dark woods. Die walked beside Kaoru, his eyes sweeping over the restaurant as they walked through it. It seemed like a really cool place and he kind of wished he'd known it had been a block down from him for going on a year now. That brought memories to him of how he'd been forced to move from his childhood home, the people there not taking kindly to his type. But then, most people didn't have a liking to his 'type' anyway, so he really shouldn't have been surprised. The real blow though, had been the lack of support from the majority of his family….

Kaoru reached to push a bar stool back, but decided perhaps he shouldn't go too far in politeness, not wanting to make Die feel patronized or some such, and sat down, pulling his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and turning over an ashtray, setting it between them. "Have you ever done tapas before?" he asked, opening a single menu between them and waving to the bartender, a rather dashing young Puerto Rican that knew Kaoru by face, but could never remember his name.

Die shook off his thoughts and settled himself down on a bar stool, unzipping his jacket and then leaning on the counter as he peered over at the menu Kaoru put out for them. "No, I haven't," he replied rather honestly. He fished out his cigarettes, pulling free a menthol. He pushed the rest of the pack back into his pocket and fished out his lighter, flicking it and then taking a long drag to light the stick. The lighter disappeared back into his pocket and he let out a breath filled with smoke. Something about the way he held his cigarette, perched between two fingers and almost elegantly placed stood out in stark contrast to the rest of him. But that was something Die didn't even notice... not in the least.

Kaoru lit a cigarette as well and looked over the extensive menu. "Hmm... well, there's really kind of something for everyone. It's kind of like... getting a bunch of little snacks. I really love the empanadas and the pulpo, which is octopus, and allioli is kind of a must." He slid the menu a little further over towards Die, wanting the other to pick. Kaoru had had everything off the menu at least twice before, whatever Die wanted to try was fine with him.

The redhead poured over the menu, looking through the descriptions to decide what he wanted to try. "Hmm... how about allioli, empandas, puntillitas, ablondigas, and carne mechada? Those all sound really good." He smiled over at Kaoru, hoping that was going to be alright and not too much in the cost department. After all, he was probably already costing Kaoru a small fortune with the accident. Not that it was his fault, but still. Kaoru nodded at the other's selections, unfazed by the price. He was comfortable enough, financially, and had actually gotten the article done, and made quite a sum off the photos. The waitress came around and Die ordered a Sam Adams and water with lemon before he took another drag from his cigarette. Kaoru rattled off the list of Die’s preferred selections and ordered himself a Blue Moon, reaching across Die, pressing his arm into the other slightly, for a coaster. 

Leaning back in his seat, he tapped his cigarette against the edge of the glass ashtray, giving the redhead a rather coy look in the dim light of the bar, under his fringe of lashes. "So, Daisuke... tell me a little about yourself? We obviously share a heritage, I thought that was a little too coincidental from the start. Did you grow up here, or were you born in Japan?"

"I prefer Die, actually," he admitted softly before moving on to answer the other part. 

Kaoru bowed his head, slightly. "Of course, Die, I'm sorry." He grinned a little and rubbed his thumb nail over the filter of his cigarette, thoughtfully. 

"Grew up here. My mother moved here just before she had me actually." He shrugged a little bit and grinned at the other man. "Which was it for you?"

"I grew up in Japan, mostly. My family moved when I was fourteen, almost fifteen. I've thought about going back, but... I kind of like it here." He rested his elbow on the bar, his cheek against a fist, and looked at Die, unable to stop the slight smile of his small, bowed lips. There was just... something about this guy. Kaoru decided, whether or not the cart was far in front of the horse or not, that he liked him, very much, and would do his best to make sure they continued to see each other. He wanted to get to know him, felt like he needed to.

Die listened to him, nodding a bit. "It's... very different from what I hear." He, admittedly, had never actually been to his parent's home country. In a way, it was sad that he hadn't, but in another way, it was just as well. He was sure what he was doing with his life wouldn't be accepted any better over there, probably less so, in fact.

A small smile from Kaoru. "Very different. I grew up in a little town outside Osaka, so people were pretty conservative there. I'd have to live in the city to have any sort of freedom with my life, and, well... Japanese cities just... don't fit me. I don't like feeling like a sardine."

Die understood conservative, perhaps a little too well in reality. His own family fell into that category in a lot of ways that he wasn't prepared at all to deal with and probably never would be. But that wasn't something he was prepared to share just yet and so he didn't say anything, didn't respond to that part of the conversation. The waitress appeared with their drinks and he immediately picked up the beer, taking a sip from it and then putting it back down on the counter. He turned to Kaoru, his eyes interested and pleased. "So... tell me about your tattoos," he requested, perhaps a bit too eagerly. But he couldn't help it; he really was interested in them.

Kaoru blushed slightly at Die's request, taking a swig of his beer and snubbing out his cigarette before shrugging off his jacket, hanging it on the back of his chair. "Of course. Everyone always asks about the ink," he chuckled, pulling his braid over one shoulder to expose the tattoo on his neck, a swirly-winged bat all in black. "This was my first one... I grew up through the Goth scene, and I was just nineteen. I sort of regret it sometimes, but... I dunno, I still kind of like it."

Die was thankful to let the conversation drift to the topic of Kaoru's tattoos, watching as the other man revealed the one on his neck. He smiled softly. "Don't regret ink... it gives away pieces of who you are or who you want to be... even in the seemingly most meaningless places." Almost idly, he rubbed over the snakeskin tattoo on his right hand, thinking just how much it did give away about him and yet how little at the same time.

Kaoru grinned, offering up his left arm next, with the sleeve of art that looked directly out of the sketches for Nightmare Before Christmas. "This is my most expensive piece, by far. It took five sittings, total of about 30 hours. Tim Burton has always been an art inspiration of mine, and there was some feeling of adult, dark fairy tale to Nightmare Before Christmas, so..." A tiny shrug, tilting his head slightly. "It comes up into a pumpkin on my chest." He pulled the V-neck of his shirt aside to show most of said jack-o-lantern. "And then this one," he indicated the three-quarter sleeve, "was just something I wanted to do for me... because even though I don't really want to move back, I do miss Japan. My grandparents always took me to the traditional festivals and plays, so I grew up listening to the old stories, and I wanted a story book to keep with me." Again, he pushed aside his shirt to show the demon mask on the right side of his chest. Die’s eyes trailed over the other man's ink as he showed it off, grinning when he got to see that much more of his body. He wasn't afraid to look now, knowing the other was actually showing it to him willingly. If he didn't want him to look, he wouldn't be showing. 

"I also have one on my thigh of White Tara, which I got after a really shitty year of break-ups and deaths of relatives and shit like that... I needed some serious compassion in my life, and even though I didn't actually think it would, it really helped. I suppose I invoked her." He rubbed through his slacks at the art, affectionately, knowing exactly what her soft, smiling face looked like gazing up at him, even through the cloth. "I guess you could say I'm kind of addicted to tattooing." He blushed again, leaning forward on the bar, turned slightly towards Die. When he mentioned the tattoo on his leg, Die found himself staring down at the other man's thigh. The story to go with it warmed Die's heart and he found himself smiling warmly over it. 

"What about you? Any ink? Piercings?"

Kaoru's question caught Die a little off guard, but he just smiled and then nodded, holding out his hand for the other man to see. "This," he admitted softly. "And um... one piercing." But he wasn't about to show that. Showing his belly button didn't seem like a good idea right then... or any time soon.

Kaoru made a surprised face and grabbed Die's wrist, pulling the hand forward to inspect closer. "Oh! How did I miss this? That's so pretty... I like how it's fit to the shape your hand." He smiled a little seductively, his fingers rubbing over the tattoo and the ball of Die's wrist. "You have really great hands." 

A soft gasp left Die’s lips as he flushed slightly at the compliment. He'd always thought his hands were slightly more feminine than he wanted them to be and that had been part of the reason why he'd gotten the tattoo where he had. "Thank you," he managed to murmur, sounding rather more demure than he'd ever meant to. 

Kaoru sat back when the waitress came, giving her room to put the food between them, arranging the plates to be within easy access of them both. Die breathed out a sigh of relief. He was more than happy for the distraction that the arrival of their food had provided. Kaoru let go of Die's hand, having hooked his pinkie with the other's between them under the bar, and looked over the food. "Gosh, I didn't realize how hungry I was! Where do you want to start?”

The question made the other bite his lower lip, peering at everything and then pointing at the food items that were closest to Kaoru. "Those!" He sounded perhaps a little bit too enthused over it.

Kaoru chuckled and took the empty plate in front of Die, putting some of the dish onto it and then setting the plate back in front of the other before putting some food on his own. "So, you've lived a few blocks away from here, and never been here. Are you new to the city?”

Die watched as Kaoru gave him some of the food and then picked up one and tasted it. It was delightful on his tongue and he made a tiny sound of approval before he looked back over at Kaoru when he questioned him. "Umm... no... not really. I just moved a while back though." It was just vague enough that he maybe wouldn't have to explain why he had moved. Honestly, he didn't want to lie to Kaoru... at least not so early on in their potential relationship.

The other lifted a brow, but dropped it, enjoying the food for a while, putting little portions of each dish on each of their plates. "This place is so amazing, though... you like it, I take it?" Die wet his lips and started in on other parts of the meal, sampling everything. It was all amazing, the taste delicious and the food definitely fresh. 

"Yeah, I do like it," he replied softly, giving the other a slight head bow of appreciation. 

Kaoru leaned slightly into Die's shoulder, giving him a playful wink. "It's nice taking somebody out like this, it's been a while. Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for taking me out... it's been... too long." Not that he could really say _why_ it had been so long, but it really had been.

Kaoru rubbed a hand briefly down Die's arm. "Of course... though I don't really believe that. You're far too gorgeous to not have anyone ask you out." He blushed, realizing how forward that was, but continued on with it. "I mean, I demolished your bumper and I still had to ask you to dinner. There's something about you, Die... you're captivating."

His eyes darted down to where Kaoru's hand lay on his arm. The touch sent chills through his body, but in the good way. Flushing, he quickly picked up his beer and took a drink of it. He shook his head a little. "I'm rarely out where someone can ask me anything except questions at work, so... actually no, I haven't been asked out in quite a while." He shrugged a bit and then rubbed at his own arm briefly. "I'm usually a very private person," he admitted softly.

"Well, then I feel quite lucky." Kaoru winked again and they continued to chat idly about work and life in their small city over the meal. It was useless talk, but it made it apparent that, aside from being nervously smitten, they were very comfortable with each other, something Kaoru had not experienced with someone in a long time, especially so quickly. When the waitress came to take their plates, he lit another cigarette, sagging back in his bar stool. "So? What do you think? Dessert? Another beer? Or should I just walk you home?"

The question made Die think, his interested gaze roaming over the other patrons, taking in some of the items they were consuming that looked dessert related. Maybe... he could indulge for once. Just once wouldn't hurt anything. Grinning at Kaoru, he leaned closer for a moment, speaking softly. "How about... you surprise me with dessert... and then we can take our time walking home?" That seemed like a fine idea to him.

Those deathrot eyes sparkled at him and Kaoru gave a short nod, waving over the waitress and ordering a dessert item lowly enough so that Die wouldn't hear, would be surprised when it arrived. Die didn't really try to pay attention to what Kaoru was ordering as he actually wanted to be surprised. His eyes continued to roam over the establishment, taking in the general atmosphere of the place. It kind of felt like being somewhere in Spain... or at least the perception of what Spain would be like that tourist information had ingrained into his brain. 

Kaoru finished his cigarette and his beer in quiet while they waited, allowing himself to just watch as Die's gaze wandered around the restaurant. He couldn't put his finger on why this man had him so spell-bound, be he certainly could not deny the affects. He wanted more, wanted to know everything, wanted to see that slender body underneath the stylish clothes…. After a short time, the slim waitress returned, all smiles, and put a single slice of cashew Godiva cheesecake in between them, one plate with two spoons. She put her fake-nailed hands on her hips, encased in khaki short-shorts, and winked. "You boys enjoy!" 

Die’s gaze settled back on Kaoru when the waitress brought their dessert out and he smiled at the choice. He completely ignored the waitress, not at all interested in the way she looked or anything else about her. Die picked up a spoon and took off a small portion from the back corner, lifting it to his lips. 

Kaoru swiped up a small spoonful of whipped cream. "Hope you like cheesecake. I swear, I'd suck a dick for it. It's my ultimate culinary weakness." 

Thankfully, Kaoru spoke before Die had the bite in his mouth because he choked on air at the other’s declaration. His cheeks flushed and he ducked his head before laughing and shaking his head. "Don't think I've ever heard anyone that enthusiastic about cheesecake, honestly."

Kaoru laughed, taking the first small bite and moaning around it. "You'll have to excuse me, everyone tells me I have a very crass sense of humor." 

Die shook his head and laughed a little bit more. "Ah... no, it's fine."

Kaoru scooped up another bite, making sure to get a cashew half in this one. "I swear, my mother was Italian in a past life; she saw food as a tangible form of love. I was raised to be enthusiastic about a good meal." He gestured to the slice of cake with his spoon, covering his mouth with one delicate hand so he wouldn't be rude, talking with it full. "Good?" He let out another short moan.

Die grinned again and then finally took the mouthful of cheesecake, tasting it and savoring it. The nuts in it made an interesting taste along with the cheesecake and he nodded a little about it. Swallowing, he glanced up at Kaoru. "Yeah, it is," he replied before reaching to take another spoonful of the dessert. "I used to date a guy that would moan around his every single mouthful of food, no matter how bad the meal was." 

Kaoru's cheeks pinked as he realized he had done just that around two bites now. For whatever reason, the comment made him lose his confidence, finishing the slice in silence, leaving the last bite for Die, who hadn't meant to make Kaoru uncomfortable, but he could feel the way he had in the almost palpable silence between them. He took the last bite only because he didn't want to waste things. But it tasted almost bitter going down and he picked up his water, chasing it with it to try and make himself shake off the self-loathing that had settled in within a matter of seconds. It never seemed to matter what he did, always something would go wrong... especially with men.

"So,” Kaoru started up again, trying to save their conversation from the sudden, uneasy silence, “about that walk... have you been to the statue garden outside the art museum?" It was about a mile walk, but Kaoru liked to stroll around the city, wouldn't even own a car if there was better public transportation.

Finishing off half the glass of water, Die put it back down and listened as Kaoru spoke. He shook his head a little. It was yet one more thing he'd never done. In all honesty, he'd not done much but go to and from work since he'd moved. Well... and to his doctor's appointments. "Sounds like it could be fun," he murmured quietly, finally looking back over at Kaoru.

The other offered a grin, paying the tab and putting his jacket back on, taking Die's and offering to help him into it. He couldn't help it, he was a gentleman. "I think you'll like it. I usually go there and eat lunch on nice days." Die did his best and tried not to look at the bill. He honestly didn't want to know how much it was since he thought he might choke to death if he did know. 

He took another drink from his water and then stood, accepting Kaoru's help in getting into his jacket with a slight blush that he tried hard to hide. "I'm sure I will like it," he replied quietly. He was almost certain if it had anything to do with this man, he'd enjoy it. Leading Die out of the restaurant, Kaoru started down the street, heading towards the quaint, well-lit, red-bricked sidewalks of the Main Street towards the museum. Die followed him out the door and down the street. Kaoru walked close to Die, their shoulders nearly touching, stealing stray glances of the man beside him now and again. After a little while, Die risked it and hesitantly reached out for Kaoru's hand, almost unsure about it. It seemed so... _girly_ , and yet he desperately wanted that contact even if just for a moment.

Kaoru was at war with himself internally, wondering why he was already so ensnared, already wanted to show the other tiny glimmers of affection, and even as he was chastising himself for wanting to, he swung his hand under Die's as they walked, wanting the gesture to seem unintentional, a way of feeling out if it was alright to take Die's hand, and he nearly gasped to feel in that same instant Die's hand find his, the warm palm pressed against his own, and Kaoru had to clench his teeth to keep from grinning like a fool, casually spreading his fingers and weaving them in between the redhead's own, giving it a light squeeze.

Die smiled happily to himself. His steps picked up a little bit as he hummed softly. They didn't need to talk right then. After all, it was almost better to have it feel so comfortable, as Die was rarely comfortable these days at all. He felt full... a little numb from the booze, and more than anything just damn pleased to be out with Kaoru. He squeezed his hand in return.

Kaoru had to keep staring straight ahead, feeling like a school girl to be so excited to have someone hold his hand, not able to look at Die without his chest quaking and his knees turning to jelly. Instead, he just pressed himself up next to Die, walking at a pace conducive to taking in the shops and smells and people of Main Street, his thumb stroking fondly against the back of Die's hand.

It took something of a concerted effort for Die not to go looking around at all the shops. That was something he would have done a few years ago and something he knew was a behavior he had to change. It was just another piece of the 'old' Die that had to rot away and fall to the past. The feeling of Kaoru's thumb moving over his skin gave him sweet, sweet chills. It was nothing short of amazing to actually be touched like this again after so long. His tongue flicked out, sliding over the skin of his lower lip for a moment before disappearing back into his mouth. Kaoru happened to look just as that strawberry tongue darted out, and to his surprise, his body reacted to it as sensual, not sexual, and it made him want to smooth his hands all over Die's body, as opposed to tear all his clothes off. 

They passed through a swarm of college kids gathered out on the sidewalk in front of a bar, and not wanting to lose him in the small crowd, Kaoru, on instinct, dropped Die's hand and slipped his arm around the other's waist, his fingers curling around one sharp peak of his slender hip. Die's eyes darted to the college kids, instinct making him feel like he wanted to run. But they didn't look at him oddly and didn't even seem to react to his presence. He let out a soft breath and then promptly sucked it back in when Kaoru's arm came around his body. The fingers on his hip made heat rush straight to his nether regions and he could feel it as arousal prickled in what he considered to be all the wrong places. A tiny whimper left his lips before he could catch it and he just prayed Kaoru hadn't heard it. Almost on reflex, Die's fingers curled around Kaoru's upper arm, holding on as they navigated the herd of students.

Kaoru hugged Die's side as they slid through the crowd, chuckling when they finally reached the other side, the courtyard of the art museum now in sight. "Good to see someone else with a healthy fear of drunk college kids," he chuckled, stopping at a corner, waiting for the light to change. 

"Yeah... well... never know what they're going to do when they're drunk like that," he replied quietly, his gaze nervously staring around the area. Kaoru looked up at Die, who was obviously nervous, and rose onto his toes, giving the other's slightly flushed cheek a kiss. 

Die didn't even notice Kaoru moving in for the kiss until his warm lips were on his cheek and he gasped at the contact to his flushed skin.

"You're cute..."

The redhead blushed even more at the comment. "Ahh... thank you," he whispered, seeming perhaps a bit more demure than was altogether necessary.

Kaoru's brow furrowed a little, wondering if he'd done the wrong thing, and he dropped his arm from around Die's waist, linking their pinkies to walk across the street and head around the block to the statue garden at the back of the museum. Die kind of whimpered very, very softly at the loss of contact, but he felt a little better when Kaoru still reached for his pinky, pulling him along with it. They slipped into the garden and he peered around at the statues. It was dark and there were only a few older couples in it now, each statue lit from underneath, the jasmine scenting the whole area with a sweet heady aroma. Kaoru walked over immediately to the Bernini replicas, staring up into the faces of the angels. "I love these... I've always found their features fascinating, easily male or female. I personally think they're male, but then you wonder, would they be any less beautiful if he'd meant to make them female? I don't think they would..." 

The statues of the angels made Die smile a little, but then Kaoru spoke up and for an instant, he froze, his entire world shrinking down to almost nothing. After a few seconds he remembered to breathe and he ended up with Kaoru's hand clutched in his own. Did Kaoru know? Could he possibly? Die stared at him in confusion for a long few moments before he looked down. No... there was no way. He hadn't said anything and even the little hints couldn't possibly be enough to give it all away. 

Kaoru blinked, blushing, realizing he'd gone on a little tangent. "Sorry, my term paper in art history was on the androgyny and asexualism of the late Italian Renaissance.”

The last bit made Die look over at him again. He couldn't quite decide what to say, but finally, he opened his mouth and let something come out. "Oh? So... things like androgyny... fascinate you?”

Kaoru blinked, sighing, finally pulling his attention away from one of his favorite pieces, turning back to Die. “Hmm? Oh! Of course. There's actually been studies to show that we're more attracted to androgynous features, because they're typically more symmetrical, and symmetry is a sign of health and good genes. Why? Does the man that lets his hair grow long and wears a little guy-liner not approve of a fairer faced man?" He smirked a little, playfully challenging Die with his question.

Die flushed immediately and then bit his lip, shaking his head. "I actually... really like androgyny. It suits me well," he murmured quietly, meaning it in so many more ways than his words truly implied. Once the words were out though, he felt almost embarrassed by them. Was he giving away too much? Perhaps making his life miserable in the process? Who knew? Only time would tell.

The other gave a soft smile, nodding. "Mm, it does. Though I don't think you'd look so great in a dress." He laughed. "Too lanky.” 

Die blushed and laughed a little. "Yeah... no... dresses would look odd on me." A slight humiliation burned through his body. He honestly hadn't looked good in dresses in the past and that had been a large part of the problem if anyone asked him. 

Kaoru continued on, “But, for example, I've never really liked defining myself sexually, even though I've never actually dated a woman or anything because, I mean, look at this," he put his hand on Die's lumbar, leading him to a small bronze copy of a Rodin, of a nude woman knelt as if to bathe, lifting up her hair. "The lines are beautiful, and there's a light muscle tone, and her face could easily be either gender. Who’s to say, if she were to approach me in real life, that I wouldn't be attracted to her?" Die swallowed a bit and followed along with Kaoru, then peered at the statue. He had a point, the statue was beautiful... and yet, he didn't really feel anything about it at all. It was gorgeous as artwork, but he wasn't at all turned on by it. If anything... it bothered him. He looked down, suddenly, staring into the water, almost mesmerized by it.

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't usually tell people this, especially on the first date, but um, I, ah, I do drag sometimes. At Derrick's, the cabaret over in West View?" He blushed, hiding behind his hair. "It's sort of my get away. I let out all my frustrations and let myself be crazy and off-the-wall, so long as I'm Yuuko, and not me."

At the mention of Kaoru doing drag, Die actually looked up at him again. "Do you enjoy it a lot?" In a way, he had to understand... especially given his current life. He bit his lip a little bit and then smiled.

Kaoru gnawed his lip, hoping he hadn't just turned the other off, completely. "Yeah, I do enjoy it. A lot of people don't get it, I mean, I'm not transgender or anything, though some of the other girls I work with are. I did it years ago on a dare, and I liked it, so I perform two or three Saturdays a month, and make pretty good money. It's nice playing a character and getting to do things I couldn't do being just me, and I get to forget all my problems for a few hours and be as skanky and outrageous and playful as I want." He shrugged again. "It's fun."

Die watched him, his head tilted a little. Something about the ease in which Kaoru spoke about the transgendered people he worked with on those nights put him in a better mental place. He relaxed, moving closer into Kaoru's embrace and gave him a gentle smile. "I'd... I'd like to come watch sometime," he murmured softly, genuine interest in his eyes.

Kaoru couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. "Wow, um... OK. See, nobody there knows me. I mean, they all know me as Yuuko, I come already in makeup and everything, so they don't know who I am the rest of the time. And nobody I know has ever seen me perform, but a few times. That would really put the pressure on! But... I guess I wouldn't mind. So long as you understand that by doing so, you'd be used as a prop during my numbers." He winked slightly and his hand slipped lower on Die's back, moving to his hip.

Die flushed a bit, shrugging slightly. He'd see. If Kaoru invited him, he would do his best to try to play along with him on being his prop. He was sure he could survive that in one piece... or so he hoped. "I'd have to remember to call you Yuuko, then," he replied softly.

Kaoru looked down, his lashes obscuring the look in his eyes, and flushed. "You know... it's funny... that I was careless and hit your car, and now here I am, on a... a date, I guess? Really hoping for another one... all because of one totally random mishap." He looked up, meeting Die's eyes bravely. "Think it's fate?" His grin told he was half joking, he didn't really believe in that kind of thing, but part of him wanted to.

Die bit his lip a little and then full out grinned. “Fate is dictated by your own paths, but I think ours kind of... ran into one another." He laughed, throwing his head back and actually letting himself go with it. After a second, he stopped and blushed, looking embarrassed that he'd just cracked up like that.

Kaoru couldn't help himself and laughed with Die, letting the laugh die out with the other's, squeezing the taller man's waist a little more. "I think I can forgive the deductible I'm gonna get slammed with. It's worth it, knowing you."

If he'd had more of a job, Die would have offered to help do something about that deductible, but his job really didn't pay all that much yet. Smiling softly, he finally slid his arms around Kaoru's waist, pulling him a little closer, looking almost shy as he slowly bit at his lower lip. It was more than obvious that he was angling for a kiss right then.

Kaoru sucked in a quiet, surprised breath, canting his eyes to look at the handful of other people around them. No one would see, and if they did, fuck 'em. If Die was offering, he surely wasn't going to refuse. Turning to face the other, he straightened his back so they were a little closer in height and reached up, putting his beringed hand against Die's jaw, catching the other's earlobe between two fingers, leaning up and licking his lips briefly, hesitating just centimeters from Die, his brows raised in a silent seeking of approval.

The way that Kaoru responded, Die was certain this was not a bad thing. He blushed a bit and then leaned in that last little bit and pressed his lips against Kaoru's, a shiver wracking through his body at the contact. It felt incredible to have someone close like this after so long... too long. His hands curled into Kaoru's clothing, holding on as he moaned softly, tongue slicking out across the other man's lips.

Kaoru sucked in a breath through his nose, moaning slightly as he parted his lips, darting his tongue out briefly to lap at Die's own, pushing flush against the other and fitting their lips together, savoring the feel and taste of him. Die let out a tiny whimper when Kaoru started kissing him like that, deepening the kiss. Not wanting to take too much, not knowing how much was offered, Kaoru sucked lightly at Die's full bottom lip, scraping it with his teeth gently, and pulled away, his breath striking the other's face. Die had kissed him back just the same, not minding if things were going on further or not, but then Kaoru was pulling away and he felt almost lost for a long moment. Kaoru licked his lips and smiled. "Mm... you still taste like cheesecake."

Die flushed a bit at the comment and then laughed softly, rubbing at his nose with one hand a little in embarrassment. "So do you," he murmured.

Kaoru chuckled a little darkly, tugging Die along to look at the other sculptures. "So... you're Japanese, but raised here - oh, my mother will wet herself, by the way, she's also Italian in the sense that the only reason she's OK with me being gay is if I date "a nice Japanese boy” - you work for an advertising agency, and you apparently don't go out much. Anything else I should know about you before I decide I definitely want to ask you on another date?" He gave a winning grin, letting Die know that just short of a heroin addict admission, he'd ask Die on a second date, regardless.

Die opened his mouth and then let out a sort of fish-based sound. He then laughed softly. "Umm... well... nothing else you'd tell your mother anyway." He swallowed a bit and shifted. There was probably a lot that he'd seriously need to know at some point, but nothing he felt at ease telling him at all. Wetting his lips a bit, he blushed and shook his head.

"Aaah, the mysterious type," Kaoru teased lightly in a lofty voice. "Guess I'll just have to ask for that second date, then. Get to know you a little better." He winked and slid his hand down to take Die's again, swinging their joined appendages playfully between them. 

Die smirked a bit and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you will." His heart beat a little faster in his chest. That felt good. Kaoru wanted to date him. That thought made him smile something awful.

"I'm more interested in the small stuff, anyway. Tells more about a person. Favorite music, like to read, hobbies, interests?"

"I like rock music, reading is okay but strains my eyes a lot." Die paused, thinking. "I play guitar, though not overly well, and... is porn an interest?" He cracked a huge grin at the last one.

Kaoru burst out laughing. "More of an addiction than an interest, but sure, I'll go with that." He stopped under a magnolia tree with a modern art sculpture of steel spheres at its roots. "I played guitar back in high school, but I hocked it for cash when I started college." A small shrug. "I was never very good, anyway. I've always liked visual arts, and I read voraciously, listen to everything but favor metal and industrial stuff, and I must say, I, too, rather like porn."

So they did have a bit in common. Die, too, liked art like this, which was the only reason he wasn't bored out of his mind in this garden of sculptures. He'd taken some classes and done a bit of looking up stuff on his own over the years. "Oh yeah? What kind of porn do you like?" Why he chose that topic out of everything he could have chosen was far beyond anyone's best guesses. He blushed, ducking his head. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to," he commented softly. Sometimes he didn't have this whole conversation thing down real well, it seemed. He was about to actually apologize, but then Kaoru was speaking, telling him what he liked.

“Um, well... standard works in a pinch; ya know, burly guy fucks the marbles out of slender college boy, but, really, I prefer Asian guys. Does that make me conceited?”

Die’s eyes lit up. "No! Not at all! I love Asian guys in porn... I mean, for some reason burly white dudes... or black dudes... just don't do it for me. I don't care how big their dicks are, it just kind of... I don't know." He shrugged a little. "I mean, in real life, I'd go with how the person acts and all, but porn isn't real life and so I get to be aesthetically picky."

Kaoru gave one terse nod. “I dunno, I was raised pretty strict, I've never been able to really have a relationship with someone I can't share my culture with. My last boyfriend, Sueng... he was Korean, and his grandmother was Japanese. We were together for almost three years, but then he--" Kaoru shut his mouth quickly, went slightly pale and looked away. "Well, it didn't work out... anyway, we were talking about porn." Forcibly, he pushed his sudden discomfort away and looked to Die again, who had been listening closely as Kaoru talked about his ex. Sore spot... don't mention the ex... okay, that he got real well. He mentally put that checkmark in place. When Kaoru continued on though, he allowed the moment to slip past, deeming it to have gone. Kaoru continued, "I have this kind of sick love for bondage porn and nonconsensual stuff. I'm not really into it in real life, but I love to watch it.”

This caused Die’s cheeks to flush. "I like a lot of different kinds of porn... and some of it is pretty unconventional." He didn't elaborate, not really wanting to give away all of his secrets that easily.

Kaoru giggled, actually giggled, like a girl. “Oh, and I have an unhealthy obsession with watching blowjobs. Well, blowjobs in general." He gave a little shrug and half a charming smile.

Die grinned. "Oh yeah? Well... what would you do if I told you I liked giving blowjobs?" His head ducked, almost unwilling to see Kaoru's reaction to such a bold statement and obvious come-on.

Kaoru felt his body rush hot, and he tucked his arm back around the other's waist, his other hand coming up to Die's shoulder, resting high on his chest. "Mm... First, I'd say that's my line, and then I'd say..." he licked his lips, "that you're really testing my morals." He blinked innocently, making a girly face, an obvious cast-off from Yuuko. "You didn't think I was a first-date boy, did you?" 

Die blushed something awful, ducking his head, opening his mouth to protest. It wasn't his fault the hormones were driving him fucking batshit in the sexual department. He shifted and then made a quiet sound of embarrassment. "Well..." yes, he had... kind of, but that didn't mean anyone really _wanted_ him like that... not yet. Sighing a little bit, starting to feel a bit more awkward than he was comfortable being, he shook his head. "No, I'm sorry." 

Kaoru winked, though, and grabbed Die's wrist, tugging him along. "C'mere." And then Kaoru was dragging him off through the garden, pulling him into a little sectioned off area and Die looked kind of confused. Talk about mixed signals. Though, maybe it was just Die and his lack of self-esteem, currently. 

Kaoru gave no hints as to what he was thinking, just pulled Die towards a nook in the garden, having to turn sideways to get into the little area, a nymph and her lover in bronze at the center of the small cube of greenery, vines covering them, having grown over the iron lattice work. There was a brick wall hip-high around the whole thing and Kaoru hopped up onto it, spreading his knees and looping a finger through Die's belt, yanking him close, one hand snaking around to dip into the other's back pocket, giving his backside a little squeeze. He chuckled. "You haven't got even the beginning of an ass." His eyes sparkled, pulling Die closer. "I like that..."

Die gasped when Kaoru sat down and yanked him close by his belt-loops and gave him a squeeze in the ass department. Slowly, he moved closer, between those legs, pressing against him. His eyes were dark while he rolled his hips a little, unable to help himself. "Good thing... because it vacated premises a few years ago," he laughed softly.

Kaoru chuckled, again his ringing bells of a laugh sounding through their secluded little nook. "Mm, I can't complain." His hands snaked up to the back of Die's neck, his teeth taking his lip between them when the other's hips met his. Gently, he pulled Die down to him, leaning his head and capturing the other's lips once more, soft, still seeking approval, not wanting to go too fast, but wanting another taste of this man that was drawing him in like a moth to flame.

Die let out a tiny whimper of pleasure, leaning into the other man's kiss. Kaoru tightened his grip around Die's neck, grasping his elbows with the opposite hands, moaning softly and opening his lips to Die, dipping his tongue into the other's mouth, swirling the tip around the roof of Die's mouth. He had a rule... sure, he had one-night stands and hook-ups, but when he was interested in someone, he waited until at least the second date to go any further than kissing, and third or fourth to get around to sex. Even that felt slutty, but he felt like if he gave too much too soon, it was all either of them would know how to do. He wanted to _know_ Die, not just fuck him, though in eventuality, he certainly wanted to do that, too.

Die’s hands came to rest on Kaoru's thighs, gently pressing though not moving. Part of him wanted to be aggressive, to push against him and satisfy his urges. But the other part stopped him, reminded him that he really did want that second date. His tongue sneaked out, licking over those lips before he made a tiny aroused sound.

The warm palms of Die's hands on his thighs made Kaoru shiver and he pressed their chests flush together, opening his mouth wide and wrapping his tongue around the other's, giving a tiny moan. Die allowed his tongue to dance around Kaoru's mouth, tasting and licking ever so gently. Kaoru's moan left him with shivers and the prickling feeling of arousal inside him. His hips shifted a little, the action almost one that he couldn't help. Honestly, he felt at ease with Kaoru like this, the gentleness of it, the way it was obvious he wanted more but that he wouldn't push it. Kaoru broke free slightly and breathed a laugh. "God, you taste so good," he panted before diving back in for more.

"So do you," Die breathed out just before their lips crashed back into one another.

Kaoru continued feeding off Die's mouth, nibbling at his wide, full lips, feeling the sharpness of his perfect teeth, tasting that strawberry tongue, until he couldn't take it anymore, was breathless and to the point that if he kept going, he'd take things too far. He pulled back, panting, resting his forehead on the other's shoulder, still pressed close to him. Die whimpered a little when Kaoru pulled back from the kiss. But he didn't press his luck. Instead, he just waited, trying to catch his own breath while the other rested his head on his shoulder. His fingers gently flexed against Kaoru's thighs. 

"Mm,” Kaoru hummed, “you smell good, too." He smiled, feeling giddy, a sensation he'd missed for a long time.

Die chuckled at being told he smelled nice. "Good thing," he murmured softly in response.

Sitting up, Kaoru stroked a thumb over Die's cheek. "It's getting late. I guess I should walk you home?"

Die turned his head towards the touch to his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the sensation. "Yeah... I guess so," came his reply. It sounded maybe a little disappointed.

Kaoru wasn't particular keen to stop here, either, but something told him that if he waited, very good things could bloom from this. Taking Die's hand, he led him out of the nook and started back towards the other's apartment, keeping quiet, content to just be in Die's presence.

Die allowed him to take his hand, moving with him and for once, he was happy about his state of being. A gentle smile remained on his lips as he walked alongside Kaoru, their steps quickly carrying them back towards his place. "This has been nice," he murmured quietly, flicking a glance at the other man.

Kaoru stopped in front of Die's building, dropping his hand and pushing his hands into his pockets. "It has...." He smiled and rose up on his toes to press a soft kiss to the corner of Die's mouth. "I'll call you, see when you're free next week. We need to do this again." 

Die smiled, accepting the little kiss before he nodded. "I'd like that." It sounded nice to him, to know Kaoru wanted one more date at least.

Kaoru winked slightly and lifted his hand to briefly card through Die's red hair, finally taking a few steps back to go the corner and hail a cab. "Good night."

Die lifted a hand in a brief wave before he turned away, heading into his complex. For sure this was going to be one hell of a night... one where he'd work off the frustration caused by that kiss in the garden. But all the same, there was a smile plastered to his face as he climbed the stairs and headed for his door. Life... was good.


	3. Chapter 2

Kaoru made a phone call on his way to work Wednesday morning, getting Die's voicemail. His heart pounded, feeling like it was squeezed in his chest, just to hear the other's voice on the recording. "Uh, hi, Die, it's Kaoru. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Some things came up and I am now the proud uncle of a beautiful baby girl. Anyway, I know it's sort of last minute, but I was going to see if you wanted to do something tonight after work. There's this French comedy playing at the Art House, and the food there is always really good. Anyway, I guess just call me back and let me know. If you're busy, we'll figure out something else. Bye."

He closed his phone and forced out a breath through tight lips. He felt silly being so nervous and giddy over a guy, but at the same time, it felt really good to feel like this again. It had been too long, and his streak of bad luck in the relationship department surely couldn't last much longer. Something had to give, and though it was early on, yet, he certainly hoped that something was with Die.

It was hours later by the time that Die got the voicemail, finally checking his phone after he'd left from his brother's house. The younger man was always pissy about making sure Die didn't use his phone in the house or anywhere near him. He said it took too much of Die's attention away from where it should be. And, in a way, he was always right. It was nearly eight at night when Die sat in his car outside his brother's, listening to the message. A smile curved his lips and a slight fire danced in his eyes. He saved the message and hung up, promptly dialing Kaoru's number to call him back.

His fingers drummed against his steering wheel while he waited, hoping that this French comedy wasn't over by now. If he was lucky, it was a late night showing. And if not... they could find something else to do if Kaoru hadn't eaten already.

Kaoru was rummaging through his kitchen, having woefully conceded to not hearing back from Die, comforting himself with Iron Maiden at full volume while he pulled some baby carrots and a container of hummus from the fridge, bumping the door closed with his hip. He opened the hummus and swiped some up with a carrot, reaching for the bottle of Pinot Grigio on the counter just as his phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he looked at the caller ID which read "Super Hot Dai" and he freaked, spitting his mouthful of carrot out into the trash and calming his breath before answering, purring out a deceptively oblivious, "Hello?"

Die smiled widely to himself when Kaoru answered the phone. "Hey!" He sounded almost overly excited, honestly. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Hey, sorry about not calling sooner. I was at my brother's house and he won't let me answer my phone while I'm there. Just now leaving." He bit at his lip a little, eyes shifting nervously as he started his car up. For a moment, obnoxiously loud rock blared over the speakers before he managed to silence it, his cheeks flushed. "Ah... sorry. Anyway, so I was wondering... if you still wanted to hang out. I haven't had anything to eat since around eleven this morning. So if you were still up for dinner somewhere... if that French comedy is still an option... I'm up for it." He sounded stupid, he was sure of it.

Kaoru reached to turn down his own music, smiling ear to ear just to hear Die's voice. "Oh, it's OK. It's was kind of last minute, me calling you the day of." He leaned against the sink, his skin tingling with something dangerously close to desire. "Ah, actually, the movie was at seven... but, um... well... Wednesday nights, nothing really goes on around here after nine. But if you still wanted to get together... maybe you could come to my place? I could make you something to eat, maybe find a movie on pay-per-view."

Die's teeth worked at his lower lip for a few moments. At least Kaoru didn't sound mad, even though the comedy was already over and done with. He released the abused flesh and smiled at that. "That sounds wonderful. Want me to bring anything? Dessert, something to drink, ingredients you don't have there already?" Again with that talking a lot thing. He really needed to work on it. Immediately, he shut his mouth, blushing a bit as he looked up to see his brother peering at him from his flat. He shook his head and waved him off, pointing at the phone against his ear to show he didn't need anything. His brother disappeared and he focused back entirely on the call.

Kaoru chuckled darkly, licking his lips. "Mm, no. You just bring your gorgeous self and I'll provide the rest."

Die blushed a bit. "Alright, well... I'll need directions. I have your address, but just give me some cross streets." He would go home and shower, put on his usual clothing and then go to see Kaoru. That seemed like the best option given the somewhat... revealing clothing he was currently wearing.

Kaoru gave him simple directions, it wasn't hard to find his complex, and hummed happily, pushing himself away from the counter. "So I'll see you soon, then. I can't wait."

Die smiled to himself. "Yeah, soon." Closing his phone, he took one last glance out the window and then turned his music back up. Pulling out, he hummed to himself as he began to navigate traffic back to his own place. He had to get out of these clothes before he felt any more uncomfortable than he already did. It didn't take him but twenty minutes to get back to his apartment. As soon as he was there, he took a quick shower and then dressed, being sure to adjust everything in the ways that were most flattering to him. Reaching into the cabinet, he pulled out his medicine bottle, pouring out two of the blue and white pills, popping them in his mouth and swallowing them down with a half glass of water. Quickly, he dried and styled his hair and applied a little eyeliner and chapstick. He examined himself in the mirror from all angles before smiling and heading back out to his car, bringing along a bottle of wine, anyway. He felt bad going empty handed.

Once he arrived at the address he'd been given, Die parked and then went upstairs. Finding Kaoru's apartment was actually easier than finding his own and he was still in a very pleasant mood when he arrived at the door, knocking twice in rapid succession before stepping back and waiting. Kaoru sauntered to the door, humming, when he heard the knock, opening it with a smile ready, letting the 1930's French jazz he was playing float out into the hall. He'd decided to be casual tonight, wanting Die to feel comfortable with him in his home, wearing his favorite pair of jeans, which fit him just right, with a violet and grey plaid shirt, rolled to his elbows, over a snug black tank. His hair was pulled back in a tight bun, some of the purple streak at the front escaping and falling over his high forehead and one dark eye.

He stepped aside from the door, unable to contain the smile which spread fully across his face. "Hi, come in." He swept an arm in welcome towards the inside of his perfectly neat, perfectly clean, but still well-lived in and very personally decorated apartment. Die smiled happily at him, greeting him quietly and then handing over the wine. "I felt bad coming completely empty handed. Thank you for inviting me over, especially so late." He leaned in, almost hesitant, and then gently hugged Kaoru before pulling back. Kaoru turned his head to kiss Die's cheek when the other hugged him, taking the wine bottle and rubbing Die's back. 

"Oh, I'm a night owl, anyway." He looked at the bottle and closed the door, chuckling. "This could be interesting. I'm already a little tipsy... see, there's this drinking game I play when I'm on the phone with my mom. Every time she says "and me, your most honored mother", I drink." He giggled, going into the kitchen and setting the wine on the counter. "I've been on the phone with her since you called, and just hung up, so, yeah, I'm kind of buzzed."

"Should I... um...take off my shoes?" That was something he recalled was a Japanese custom and knowing what he did about Kaoru's past, he thought it nice to ask. But Kaoru had already made it to the kitchen, where the music was louder, now being turned back down to a low level. When he didn't get an answer, Die just paused and took off his shoes anyway. It seemed nicer than assuming the opposite. After all, some of his very much American friends didn't like shoes in their houses either, though most of them had hardwood floors or worse, crème colored carpets. He left his shoes in the corner and the hurried after Kaoru, listening to his drinking story. He laughed softly. "Sounds like that must mean it happens a lot.” 

He could smell the booze on Kaoru's breath and in a way, it warmed his insides to think that the other would be a little bit more laid back with him tonight. He stepped into the kitchen and looked around. It was neat in here, though very obviously lived in and he found himself attached to the feeling of it almost instantly. It felt... like a home. Smiling, he pushed his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. His red sweater hung from one shoulder, gently draped there and revealing that slender strip of skin he usually covered so carefully. "Anything I can help with?"

Kaoru smiled, eying the bare skin, trying to hold back the little purr it arose in him and failing. He grabbed another wine glass and poured what little was left of his Pinot Grigiot, handing Die the glass. "You can help me finish this bottle. I'll open this one, let it breathe a while." He pulled out one of the two chairs at his small dining room table, a heavy oak square varnished a deep, rich amber. "Sit, sit! I just put stuffed eggplant in the oven, so it'll be another half hour or so, but you said you hadn't eaten in a while, and I'm starving, so...." He put out the hummus and carrots from earlier and a bowl of white grapes, then a small plate of sourdough bread, sliced and topped with melted cheese on top. "I figured we could munch something to hold us over." He pointed to the bread with creamier colored cheese. "That's brie," and then he indicated the whiter cheese, "and that's goat cheese." Die accepted the glass of wine rather graciously and then took the offered chair. He settled onto it, crossing one long leg over the other and leaning back in the seat in a comfortable manner. His eyes sparkled as he looked over the display of food that Kaoru brought to the table. Gorgeous, if he did say so himself. Some of the stuff he'd never tried: brie and hummus. But he was feeling adventurous. He took a sip of wine and then picked up a slice of the bread with brie on it and nibbled a bit. It was very good. 

Swallowing, he smiled over at Kaoru. "This is wonderful." Blushing a bit, he ducked his head. "You know, you could have just ordered pizza or something. This is... so much." So much that he didn't honestly think he deserved.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, uncorking the wine bottle Die had brought and setting it out on the counter. He smiled at Die over his shoulder, briefly. It felt right, having him in his home. "Please. Remember how I told you my mother thinks of food as tangible love?” Die laughed softly. “Well, apparently it's an inheritable trait. I like to cook for people." He wiped his hands off on a dish towel and sat down across from Die, plucking up a single grape and pushing it past his lips. "So, I never asked you, do you speak Japanese?" He didn't think so, the other didn't seem to have much of an accent, unlike Kaoru's, which was thick and somewhat stereotypical, something he kind of hated. But who knew, Die might surprise him.

Die winced a bit. "I do... but it's not very good. I'm told my accent is horrible."

"Aaah, so you had the kind of parents that sort of forced you to Americanize, hmm?”

Die shrugged. "No, not really. I guess they just wanted me to have a fair bat at life in this country is all. They taught me some Japanese growing up, but mostly English. I was told they kind of learned it right along with me." 

Kaoru nodded, humming his understanding. He'd known several other immigrant children whose families had sort of forsaken their culture so that their children wouldn't be any more ostracized than they already would be, just being immigrants. His family, however, felt it was more important that their children knew who they were, and stand strong by it. “My sister and I were home schooled the first year we came here so that we could learn English, and my parents encouraged us to become fluent, but other than to serve that purpose, English isn't really allowed in my parents' house. Like I said, we're very, very traditional. I suppose it's actually a bit strange they've chosen to stay in the States, but it's more the love of the culture than the country... there were some... issues... back home, for them. They've still never really elaborated." He shrugged slightly and took a sip of his own wine glass, still half full. "How's your week been so far?"

Die wondered what issues Kaoru's family would have had, but he didn't feel it his right to get that nosy as to ask what Kaoru thought it might have been. When the subject changed, he smiled again. "Ah, the usual. Go to work, see my brother, that's about it... until now." He offered Kaoru a grin as he finished off his piece of bread and then swallowed down more of the wine.

"Speaking of family..." Kaoru reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, pulling up a picture and handing his phone to Die. A crying baby was displayed on the screen in a little pink hat and onesie. "My niece! She was just born yesterday. She's the first Nisei for our family.”

Die picked up a grape and ate it, promptly reaching for a carrot and hummus. Crunching on it, he peered over at the phone, listening to Kaoru. "She's cute," he commented.

Kaoru beamed, then frowned slightly. “Of course... Sachiko's husband is Scotch-Irish, which drives Mom and Dad up the wall, and they named her Audrey Asako. The fact that the Japanese name is second, though... my parents are freaking the fuck out." He rolled his eyes. "With some things they're a little _too_ traditional. And it's awful for Sachi, because Nick's parents don't like that he married her anymore than my parents like that she married him."

"Parents... have a strong ability to not notice what they should in some cases. Take mine for example. They hate who I have become, always saying how they miss the child I used to be." He purposely and skillfully avoided pronouns in his little insight into his life. A necessity as he'd come to know it.

Kaoru put his phone back in his pocket, frowning more. "God, that's awful... it was like that at first when I came out, there was a year where I didn't even see my family. But we're too close, and they finally came to sort of accept it. It was better when I was with Seung, they liked him, and I think it helped them see that this is what makes me happy, but at the same time, when that didn't work out, I think they sort of went back to expecting that maybe one day I'd bring home a nice girl and get married." 

Die had expected Kaoru to take it that way, to have it mean that it was because he was gay. It wasn't quite what he meant, but it would do. "It's not only the boys... it's the whole lifestyle I'm leading." He didn't elaborate though, letting Kaoru assume what he would about it.

Kaoru breezed by the subject, having been traumatized by his own experience quite enough, thank you, and picked up a piece of bread with goat cheese, nibbling at it delicately, resting his chin in his hand. "So, are you still close with your brother, then? Or was it sort of an obligatory visit?"

This particular question made Die shake his head a little. "Not obligatory... and we're not really 'close' per say. He just... well-" Die sighed quietly, taking a sip of his wine. How did one go about revealing this without pouring out their entire soul? Oh, yes... this would do. "He tries to understand what my parents refuse to. There's pieces of it he gets mad at me over, but for the most part, he's at least accepting. I guess in a way, I feel like if he's at least that, I have to go and see him once in a while, just so I still feel loved by someone. You know?" He shrugged a bit, trying to downplay it.

Kaoru's brows knit together and he held his wine glass with both hands. There was something wedged between the words Die was saying, but he couldn't quite pull it free. "I'm sorry," was all he could really say, all he could think of that seemed appropriate.

Die could see the wheels turning in Kaoru's head. In a way, he wanted him to figure it out and in another way, he didn't. Sighing softly, he shook his head. "Eh... I'm getting used to it actually. It's been two years now and it's easier to deal with, I suppose." He re-crossed his legs and then reached for the wine bottle, pouring himself more into his now empty glass. Once he had a full glass, he picked up another carrot. "Never had hummus before... it's good," he commented.

Kaoru gave a soft grin. "Glad you like it." He let the line of conversation concerning family die out. The year without his own had been heartbreaking, he couldn't imagine what it was like for Die, whether the other said he was coping or not. Tucking the hair that had escaped from his bun back behind his ear, he leaned forward, resting his chin back in his hand. "There's secrets in you... I can see it. It scares me a little, I've been blindsided by some really horrific shit before, but... I don't know; I kind of like figuring people out." He blushed, looking down into the last few sips of wine in his glass. "Especially you."

Die peered over at the other man, watching him with unreadable eyes. The only expression on his face was one of intensity. He sighed softly, sipping more at his wine. "I do have secrets... pretty... huge ones." His tongue darted out, swiping over his lower lip in a rather nervous gesture before he sat back a bit. "What kind of horrific shit, if I may ask?" He kind of hoped none of it was something like his own secrets. And if it was... he'd part his ways with Kaoru as gently as he could.

Kaoru stared at his lap silently for a while. First, hearing there were 'pretty huge' secrets made the mild fear prickle in him, and then... thinking about that horrific shit.... But, he liked Die, felt like there was something there he hadn't felt in a long time, something that made him want to trust, and maybe start unloading some of the old baggage, finally clearing it out. Slowly, he drew in a breath and sighed it out. "Seung... about two years after we got together... we'd started living together, and... he got into meth. I was pretty crazy then, too, and at first it didn't bother me, but...."

He fell silent again, his hand resting on the table starting to shake slightly. He squeezed his eyes shut, summoning the will to continue. "He got violent. Twitchy. Everything set him off. At first, I dealt with it. He never hurt me bad, and I loved him still." Kaoru shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "One night he came home and he was hurting for a fix, and he beat the shit out me. Put me in the hospital for a few days. I filed charges against him, kicked his ass out, and haven't spoken to him since."

Die stared at Kaoru in horror. It took him a good minute and a half before he could even get that stricken look off of his face. Immediately, he reached across the table, grasping Kaoru's hand in his own. "I can promise you, my secrets have nothing to do with drugs. The only drugs I touch are completely legal: smokes and alcohol." He shook his head. "And I'm never violent to others. It's just not in my nature." He squeezed that hand a little, hoping to placate Kaoru at least a little.

Kaoru squeezed Die's hand back, downing the rest of his wine and pouring himself another glass. "Speaking of alcohol..." he laughed a little bitterly. "Actually, I think I need a cigarette now... do you wanna come smoke? There's a balcony." He was trying hard to recover, but the wound was still curiously fresh for him, and it was incredibly difficult to talk about. Standing, he grabbed his pack of Camels and a lighter, jerking a thumb towards the sliding glass doors in the living room.

Die let Kaoru’s hand go as he got up. He watched for a moment and then shook his head a little, following after him. Once outside, he pulled out a Salem Light and lit it up. Breathing out the smoke, he peered over at Kaoru. "I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable," he apologized softly. That hadn't been his intent at all, in fact.

Kaoru shook his head emphatically, one shaking hand bringing his cigarette to his lips, the other rubbing down Die's arm. "No, no, of course not. You didn't know... let's just talk about something else...." He tried to smile, idly reaching up and brushing Die's hair back for a moment. Die moved closer to Kaoru, willing to give him that in exchange for his obvious discomfort. "I ask silly questions, you'll have to excuse me. I think it's pretty safe to assume your favorite color is red, so I'll skip that.”

Chuckling, a little, Die nodded. "Yeah... it is." 

“What's your fondest memory?"

Die had to think for a moment on that one. "Hmm... I guess maybe the moment that I decided I needed to live my life for me, not for anyone else. I moved out and made my own decisions. That was huge for me... and probably simultaneously my best and worst memory."

The light faded slowly back into Kaoru's eyes and he continued to rub a hand absently up and down Die's arm. "Mine's much less self-affirming. I don't even really know why it's so special to me, but, I always wanted to go to Kyoto, but my grandmother told me she would take me, just the two of us, if I learned three chants, and I couldn't skimp on the short ones. So I did, and I spent a whole summer acting like a little monk, memorizing them. Finally, in the fall, she and I went to Kyoto and visited Kinkaku-ji, and I sat by her side and we prayed for hours. I was eight." He smiled a little sadly, but it was a smile, nonetheless. "Her name was Kaori; my father named me in her honor."

Die smiled at the regaled memory as he puffed on his cigarette. "Yours is so much more of a memory that should be one’s fondest memory." He shifted closer by just a fraction, his eyes dancing slightly. Some small spark of bravery found its way into him and he reached up, gently tracing Kaoru's cheek before he leaned in, breathing his smoke out against Kaoru's lips and then pressing a soft kiss to them. He pulled back right after, looking kind of embarrassed, his reaction right then incredibly feminine.

Kaoru swayed slightly, the hand on Die's arm squeezing. His eyes fluttered shut and stayed that way for a moment when Die pulled back, and finally he opened them again, taking another drag, blushing fiercely. "I... I guess so." He tried to will his heart to stop thundering in his chest, the rush of blood sending a tingle to his groin, but his heart didn't listen. Softly, feeling silly, he conceded, "I really like you. I shouldn't, it's too soon to rationally really have any strong opinion, but I do." He snubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray, unable to meet Die's eyes after such a statement.

The redhead flushed as well, then nodded. "It's okay, I feel the same way." He sighed and leaned back against the railing, taking in a drag from his cigarette. "Let me put it this way. I haven't been this forward since... well... probably the last couple years of school. I'm usually really reserved about it, even if I do like someone." He flicked some ashes over the balcony. "But with you, it's like I'm already attached... and I don't know quite why."

Kaoru pursed his lips, crossing his arms across his chest, feeling more vulnerable than cold. "Doesn't that scare you a little? It scares me... it's been two years since I really trusted someone... but some crazy, inexplicable feeling tells me that..." he sighed, at a loss for anything eloquent, "that you're worth the risk."

Die shifted slightly away and then sighed, shaking his head. "Actually, this whole thing scares me, Kaoru. I'm not usually one for relationships, at least not lately... and I already find myself wanting to be closer to you than just dating." He moved to crush out his cigarette in the tray. 

Kaoru was slightly confused by the last part of Die's statement, tilting his head. So many people had so many different definitions for 'dating', 'seeing each other', 'talking'... it was really quite befuddling. "What do you mean?"

"Well, right now, we're dating. We go on dates and we talk. Right?" He wrapped one arm loosely around his waist. "If we were going out then we'd be like... officially a couple. Does that make sense?"

"Oooh," Kaoru hummed, giving one slow nod. "I see. Sorry, this whole terminology thing...." He blushed, and then turned even darker, realizing that Die had essentially just told him that he wanted to be his boyfriend. Admittedly, Kaoru found himself wanting that, too, but he needed this to feel natural, fluid. It was too soon to put any labels on it, but he certainly liked the idea of getting to that point. Feeling shy, and giddy, he slid the door back open, gesturing Die in. "Come on, tiger, it's chilly out here."

Die shifted a bit, flushing when Kaoru's face also turned a few shades darker. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and then moved back inside as Kaoru opened the door. He padded back to the kitchen, head bowed a bit in thought. Pausing next to his chair, he bit his lip for a moment. "Hey... can I use your bathroom?" He glanced back at Kaoru as he asked the question.

Kaoru blinked, having been lost in trying to find some topic of conversation, and halfway through reaching for his wine glass. "Yeah, sure. Um, it's that door right there." He pointed to the little hallway on the other side of the living room from the balcony, to the door at the end, halfway open. The door to the left was Kaoru's bedroom.

Die nodded, quickly heading down the hallway and ducking into the bathroom. He closed and locked the door, then leaned against the wall, running his hands over his face. Biting his lip, he closed his eyes. What a mess. He pulled out his phone and went to Text Messaging and selected Twitter from the list of options. He typed out a quick message: _Wrecking my chances with the first person to ask me out in years. I'm such a fucking dumbass._ He flipped the phone shut and stuffed it back in his pocket, moving to take a piss since he was already in here anyway. Quietly, he unzipped, moved some stuff around and then settled on the toilet, kind of feeling humiliated right at that moment. It took him a while to get organized and cleaned up. Once he did though, he'd spent long enough that he felt a little better emotionally. He left the bathroom and came back out to the smell of the eggplant.

Kaoru was pulling the baking sheet out of the oven when Die returned, taking off his checkered oven mitt and pulling out a bowl of tossed salad from the fridge, getting two plates and some silverware. The large eggplant sat cooling on the stove, cut in half and stuffed with roasted garlic, Portobello mushrooms, and ricotta cheese, topped with mozzarella which was bubbled and slightly browned.

Kaoru smiled at Die when he came back to the kitchen, opening the fridge. "What kind of dressing do you prefer? I've got Caesar, balsamic vinaigrette, and bleu cheese." He rested one arm on top of the refrigerator door, hip cocked out, regarding Die with a curiously sweet face, awaiting an answer.

Die sniffed a bit and smiled softly to himself. Settling on the chair he'd formerly resided in, he picked up his wine and took a long drink from it. "Umm...." He deliberated quietly for a moment, "Bleu cheese."

Kaoru gave him a wink. "Fine choice." 

Die smiled a bit, nodding. "Got the taste for it from my mother." Kaoru put the bottle on the table, scooting the food from earlier up against the wall which the table sat snug against, and put together two plates with an eggplant half and some salad, setting them down at his and Die's places, leaning into Die a little closer than necessary as he did so. Sitting down across from the redhead, he picked up his fork and made a ‘well, hope you like it’ face, uttering, almost as an aside, "Itadakimas'".

Die crossed his legs again and picked up his fork, as well. He blinked and then bowed his head for a moment before pouring some dressing on his salad and taking the first bite of it. He was actually glad there was salad because it was something he liked a lot. After a few moments and a few more bites of the green veggies, he dug into the eggplant. He made a soft sound of enjoyment and then beamed once he'd swallowed. "Oh wow, this is amazing!"

Kaoru canted his eyes down, shrugging modestly. "It's just something I threw together with what I had in the fridge." He lifted his head and offered Die a half-grin. "I'm glad you like it, though."

It really was some of the best homemade food Die had had in a while. Then again, his cooking skills were about limited to things that came with directions attached and required water or milk to add to it. He ate a few more bites and then took a swallow of wine. It didn't take long for him to finish off his salad and then polish off the eggplant. Amazingly, he found himself reaching toward the carrots and hummus right after and had to stop after two baby carrots. What was he tonight, a pig? He blushed a bit and clutched at his wine glass.

Kaoru didn't take any notice to it, was glad somebody but him and the stray cats in the alley below his balcony were eating his cooking. When he finished, he picked up both of their empty plates and set them in the sink, cleaning up quickly and putting things away, pointing to the food left on the table. "Do you want me to leave that out for a while?”

Die blushed and then shook his head a little. He really didn't need to go about being a total glutton right then and he was nervous enough he'd finish it all off if he were allowed. "Nah, I'm fine," he replied quietly. "Just keep the wine out."

Tossing his hair out of his face with a haughty, slightly teasing gesture, Kaoru put the rest of the food away and then poured them both more wine. Letting the stuff he'd already drank make him bold, he settled himself quite comfortably in Die's lap, an arm around the other's shoulders, his fingers stroking the soft, bare skin that lay under them. Die gasped, letting out a quiet sound of obvious approval and slight arousal as he shifted a little. "I'd be a sleazy dick and pull some line like 'I want dessert', but I'm getting towards too drunk to be that creative and I'd rather be direct." He abandoned his wine glass on the table and brought his hand up to push Die's hair behind his ear, sliding the pads of his fingers down the other's jaw and across his lips, watching his own digits' journey. "I have been thinking about your kiss since the last time I saw you, nonstop. I can't get that taste off my tongue. I think I might have a craving...."

The dessert line made Die laugh softly and then blush because of what followed it. He allowed his own hands to come to settle on Kaoru's waist as he half closed his eyes. "Oh yeah?" He licked his lips a little. "I think I do, too." Tilting his head just a little, he fully closed his eyelids and waited, hoping that was enough.

Kaoru was slow, loosely tangling one hand in Die's crimson hair, hovering his lips over the other's for a moment, just feeling his hot, damp breath. He darted out his tongue briefly, traced the line of Die's mouth, finally fitting his lips against the other's with a clipped, strangled moan. Five days had felt like five years. The kiss on the porch had been but a fleeting glimpse. He'd wanted this so bad....

Die’s body actually trembled a little as Kaoru pressed his lips to his own. He made a tiny sound and immediately pushed his tongue out, body almost begging for more. His arms pulled Kaoru closer. Honestly, he'd had some alone time with the thoughts of their prior session after he'd gone home that night and ever since, the thought had lingered of just how incredibly horny he was, how much he wanted to do something more with the other man... or even just this again. But nothing would have been torture of the truest manner.

Kaoru wrapped his tongue around Die's, his brow furrowing with what might have been pain he was so overwhelmed by how good it felt just to feel Die against him, to taste the inside of his mouth, to smear their lips against each other and share trembling, quickening breaths. He put both arms fully around Die's shoulders and squeezed, twisted around in his lap, arousal short-circuiting systematically through his body, dumping his blood full of desire. He couldn't quite call it lust. He was hesitant to admit it, but he wanted more, maybe a lot more, from Die than his body.

The way Kaoru kept squirming around in his lap had Die immediately aroused. Quite honestly, he wanted nothing more than to be spread out on Kaoru's bed right then. But there were lots of problems with that and he wasn't about to admit a lot of them. Instead, he moaned softly, pushing his tongue against Kaoru's in a manner that made it more than clear that he was utterly lost in arousal. It was amazing that it took only so little, but then what else was to be expected from a sex-deprived man in his twenties?

Kaoru pulled away, panting, having nearly fallen out of Die's lap. "Nn, come on, let's move to the couch." He didn't give Die much of an option, dragging the other to the living room. Die gasped again, following him, almost stumbling over himself in the process. Kaoru lay with his shoulders and head against the arm of his soft, white sofa and tugging Die down on top of him, and Die didn't have any issues or any second thoughts about it. Rather, he just shifted himself over him, positioning them crotch to crotch and then leaning in to claim his mouth again. He let out a moan into that warm cavern, his hips shifting a little, unable to stop the instant want for friction that the position caused.

There was a _thud_ as Kaoru's head hit the arm of the sofa, having thrown it back as Die's hips ground into his. He spread his legs slightly, letting Die settle between them, bucking up slightly against him, grabbing a handful of that silky, bright hair to reclaim his mouth again. Die whimpered softly and shifted, shuddering a little. The sheer fact that Kaoru was pushing up against him made him want a hell of a lot more than this. But something held him back, made him realize that even doing this was actually rather dangerous for him. Pulling back from the kiss, he stared down into Kaoru's eyes for a long moment, panting quietly. "Let me suck you," he whispered softly.

Kaoru's eyes shot wide, glazed with lust. His chest spasmed, finding it hard to breathe. Was it too soon? His cock throbbed, painfully hard, and he realized that he didn't care if it was too soon. Having it offered like that, he couldn't resist; hoping, as he gave a quick, tight nod, that this wouldn't ruin anything. Die let out a soft whimper at the nod. His cheeks flushed a little bit as he licked his lips, shifting down the other man's body. Swallowing, he sank onto the lower half of the couch, hands rubbing over Kaoru's bulge. Under the material, he could feel how hard he was, that he was straining the fabric of his pants. Die's eyes darkened as he slipped his hands up to Kaoru's belt, quickly unfastening it. His hands didn't shake; he didn't even hesitate. Before he'd even taken two breaths, he had the button undone and the zipper lowered. Kaoru pulled his hair down, putting the hair band around his wrist. He had a habit of pulling at his hair while he was getting head and this just made it easier. His heart pounded, feeling like it would break his ribs. He was always terrified of having someone see him for the first time, and Die's haste was exciting and frightening all at once.

Smirking a little, Die reached in, pulling Kaoru free of his underwear, eyes focused on his cock. He licked his lips and then moaned quietly as he pumped that warm length in his hand. Gorgeous... magnificent... he shivered a little in anticipation of sucking it. Kaoru jumped when that long, strong, tattooed hand wrapped around him, arching up from the couch with a loud, pretty gasp. The first touch was always a world-shaker. He relaxed back, his fingers running through his hair. The anticipation was palpable.

If there was one thing about Die that any lover he'd ever had could take away from being with him, it was that he adored giving head. He was always one to get his first taste of their dick as soon as he possibly could and he did a damn fine job of it with all the effort he had under his belt. He leaned down, his dark brown eyes flashing with excitement as his long pink tongue darted out, running up the bottom of Kaoru's shaft. He tasted manly, like whatever body wash he used, salt, and sweat. Die moaned against that silken flesh, his tongue slipping up around the head of his cock and then flicking under it at the most sensitive part for a single second. Without so much as any form of warning, Die then engulfed the entire length of Kaoru's dick into his mouth, sucking as he flicked his tongue over him.

"Oh _shit_!" Kaoru tugged at his hair, rocking back and forth a little bit, his hips bucking slightly. It felt so good, unbearably good, and it had been far too long since someone had really taken attention to him like this. As if the excruciatingly exquisite sensations weren't enough, as it, it was gorgeous, sweet Die causing them, the one that was slowly dragging Kaoru down, making him, against his better judgment, fall rather hard, and Kaoru honestly wasn't sure if he wanted to get his hands underneath him for this plunge. Panting, he touched his own neck, biting and licking at his pinkie, eyes closed, rolled back behind the lids. "Ah... Die..." his voice had gone up a register, high and rough, thick with desire. He hoped to God he could last a decent length of time, but he wasn't so sure he could do that with the expert ways of that wide, soft mouth.

Everything about Kaoru screamed arousal and pure sex. Die shifted, feeling incredibly turned on himself in that moment. In fact, he was almost trembling from his own desires and the pure knowledge that he'd have to deny them until he was home, alone in his dimly lit apartment. The thoughts alone caused him to grasp at Kaoru's hips, urging the other to move them as he wanted, his head bobbing over that delicious cock. He moaned rather roughly, sucking hard and pulling up to flick his tongue over the head. Kaoru gasped in breaths, opening his eyes and letting out a pitiful moan to see Die swallowing him like that, those sweet, chocolate eyes turned dark with lust. He bit his lip and rocked his hips again, pushing more of himself into that velvety, hot cavern. Die was pleased to feel those hips moving of their own accord under his hands. To him, it meant Kaoru was pleased enough with what he was doing to let go. If he hadn't had a mouth full of cock, he would have smiled. As it was, his eyes sparkled with the happiness it gave him. He gave one long suck to the other, lips a ruddy color with the effort he was putting in. Already, Kaoru could feel himself getting close, and he tried to hold back, wanted this to last. The wine mixed with the stupidity-inducing chemicals of arousal and before he knew it he had spoken, the words hanging out in the air. "You're beautiful..."

Beautiful? Was that really appropriate with his cock in Die's mouth? He felt embarrassed he had said it, but as he looked down at Die, he knew it was true, nonetheless.

Die's chest tightened at the comment. Beautiful... moments from the past came back with almost frightening clarity. Beautiful was for a girl, not a man... not even a gorgeous man. Handsome was how a man was referred to. But then he closed his eyes and forced himself to continue on past it, to ignore. He prayed, perhaps more than he had ever done before, much less done with a dick in his mouth. He prayed for things not to fall apart, for everything to be okay, and for the strength of will to do what was needed for all of it to stick like glue rather than crumble like mud.

Kaoru huffed, feeling like he'd said the wrong thing, but Die was still sucking dutifully at him, so he guessed it hadn't been too terrible. He just hoped he wouldn't finish him off and then leave, never to return again. Reaching down, he gently touched the ends of Die's red hair, not grabbing it, just feeling the texture of it against his skin, taking a lock and tickling the peak of his own hip, delirious with the sensations, adoring the sight of the other pleasing him, and obviously enjoying the task so much. He rolled his hips, spreading his legs a little wider, and started to buck his hips more, chest heaving with the effort of not cumming already, but beyond his hopes for longevity, he was climbing ever closer to that peak.

The redhead whimpered quietly as Kaoru let his hand slide through his hair. It felt amazing to even be touched like this... to be allowed to touch. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that even if he couldn't have anything sexually from this relationship, he'd be more than willing to do this, to give all he could in as many ways as he could. With that thought in mind, he nearly doubled his efforts, head bobbing as he let go and just sucked dick like he was fucking born for it. He didn't just move his head... no, his entire body moved with the effort, back arching, hips rolling slightly against the part of the couch he was touching, his hands roaming over Kaoru's entire body with abandon. And every once in a while, a low, delicious moan slid free from those lips.

Die's hands on him finally sent Kaoru's nerves into overdrive, his whole body thrumming as he felt like he was short-circuiting, panting and whimpering Die's name in a breathy voice, finally unable to hang on anymore, canting his hips up with a moan, orgasm crashing into him, his cock shuddering, hand tightening in the other's hair, holding on for dear life.

When he felt the first throb of the other's cock in his mouth, Die slid down on him as far as he could, letting his throat relax and take all that Kaoru was going to give him. He swallowed a few times, finally letting out a gentle moan as he pulled off his dick with a wet _pop_. Shivering a little, Die sat back on his knees, hands on Kaoru's thighs while he peered at the other man from under some of that red mass of hair. His breathing was ragged, chest heaving with the effort, his clothing feeling too tight and constricting right then. One hand came up, wiping at his mouth with the back of it before he wiped it on his jeans and sniffed a bit.

Kaoru laid there, useless, for a second, afterglow sparkling through his blood. At length, he started breathing normally again, pushing up onto his elbows and grinning like an idiot at Die, reaching out and grabbing the other a bit roughly by the hair, yanking him down and kissing him, hard, dipping his tongue into his mouth, tasting himself there. Die gasped, kissing him back just as hard. He allowed it, knowing that this much, he could fully enjoy without any problems whatsoever. Kaoru pulled away, sitting up and pressing himself against Die, reaching to put himself back in his jeans quickly. "You are... absolutely amazing." Die propped himself up with his hand on the edge of the couch and smiled, blushing a bit. Kaoru chuckled slightly, fingers finding the hem of Die's shirt, moving to pull the clothing off.

And then those hands moved up _under_ his shirt, just touching at his stomach, and almost instantly, Die panicked. His eyes widened and his breath stuck in his throat. He gasped and then grabbed Kaoru's hands, his eyes scared. For a heartbeat, he didn't say a word, just tried hard to figure out how in the hell to breathe again. And then he shook his head, pulling back even more. "No, no... I'm fine, Kaoru. I don't expect anything in return." Cover... he had to cover... and fast.

Kaoru looked at him like he was crazy, looking down at the hands around his wrists, preventing him from touching Die. "...What? Die...." He blinked at him, wondering if he'd done something wrong. "But...." And then it clicked, his mouth turning down in a frown. "...You aren't comfortable with your body, are you?"

The protest sent even more panic into Die’s body, making him actually tense up enough to tremble a little bit. He just hoped to god that Kaoru didn't notice enough to comment on it. But then... then he blessedly gave him an out. And at that, he gave him a truthful one. Sighing softly, he shifted his hands so that they were actually holding Kaoru's, occupying them. He shook his head. "No... I'm sorry." And he really was sorry, but he was sure he'd be more sorry if he wasn't conscious of how he looked under the layers of carefully put on clothing.

Kaoru's frown deepened and he squeezed Die's hands, pulling away from them only to wrap his arms around the other, squeezing him in a hug. "You shouldn't be... you are absolutely gorgeous." 

“You haven't seen the rest... you wouldn't say that if you did." 

Kaoru sucked at Die's neck, tasting his skin, moaning softly. "I doubt that...." He hugged Die close, kissing at his neck more. "...Is this OK? I just want to touch you. I _really_ want to get you off, but... I don't want to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

Die swallowed hard and then nodded a little, shifting into Kaoru’s arms and just letting himself be girly for a moment. He pressed his face against Kaoru's neck, breathing in the scent of the other while he held him, trembling a little bit from the adrenaline wearing off so quickly. "I mean it... I'll be fine." He flushed a little bit more. "I'm used to it." He shivered at the sucking on his skin, arms holding on a little tighter. That felt so good... good enough he could get very close from just that. But then... then it stopped and Kaoru was jerking away. 

Kaoru looked at him like he was nuts. "Die..." He sounded like his mother, his tone warning. "I can understand if you're not comfortable with me seeing you yet, I get shy, too, but..." He pursed his lips. "It should be a two way street. Equal. I _want_ to touch you. I wont push it, but please don't think I'm just using you to get mine. ...I hope that's not what you're used to. You deserve better than that." His hand came up and cupped Die's jaw, thumb stroking.

Die gasped, fumbling for a moment, adrenaline back just like that while he stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. Slowly, he deflated, blushing and shaking his head. "I just... not... not yet." He swallowed a bit and then bowed his head. After a moment, he sighed and quietly related, "I feel more comfortable giving things. I want to and it arouses me. Getting things... it doesn't do for me what giving does. I just feel uncomfortable and like I want to get away." Maybe too much information... maybe not.

A heavy sigh from Kaoru. "This is going to take some getting used to. I love pleasing, but... I'm not going to put you out of your comfort zone." Kaoru leaned in again, pressing his mouth against Die's ear and breathing hotly in it. "Can I still kiss you a while? I like the way you taste..."

Die swallowed hard and then nodded. "I like kissing," he murmured softly, looking a little embarrassed by this fact.

Kaoru put his hands at the back of Die's shoulder, sucking at his neck again. He hoped he could smooth this over, it felt like what had been a great night had hit a serious stumbling point, but he needed some sort of save before Die left, needed some damage control to ensure maybe they could keep seeing each other, and would tackle these issues more as they came up. His tongue flicked against Die's throat and he bit at the flesh slightly, half hoping he left a mark. Die shivered. He hadn't lied when he said he liked kissing... and even liked this very much. His hands rested on Kaoru's shoulders, his head tilted for better access, breathing starting to quicken as the other sucked hard on his tender flesh. Digging his fingers in a bit, he let out a moan, hips jerking almost involuntarily as the feelings rocketed straight through his body.

Kaoru pressed against him, leaning him back against the arm of the couch and straddling his lap, lavishing his neck. When Kaoru shifted them, Die had a brief moment of freaking out. But he settled quickly, realizing Kaoru didn't want to do anything more than what he'd said. Though, he did feel kind of awkward with Kaoru in his lap, so close to his body... it felt closer than before somehow. He let his head fall back and his eyes close, just praying things would stay this way and not progress any further.

Kaoru’s hands stroked down Die's chest through the shirt. As his hands traveled up and down, he realized he felt what seemed like... bandages, maybe, wrapped tight around Die's ribs. He didn't think too much of it, and then it clicked; Die had made a comment about his nonexistent ass having vacated premises before. He wondered if maybe Die had once been heavy, and was now uncomfortable with what was maybe extra skin? That made sense... Kaoru shook it off continued his tongue-heavy feast on Die’s neck. 

Before he knew it, those hands were rubbing over his chest, and Die could feel heat pool down below and he wanted to reach out and grab those hands, but he was sure it was already too late. Kaoru would have felt the extra cloth already. He whimpered a little and swallowed, one hand now digging into the couch while he tried to keep his own control. Tactfully, Kaoru moved his hands away, not making any hint to his reaction, sensing Die was uncomfortable, and reached up into Die's hair, pulling his head back, molesting his throat mercilessly. Moving slightly to kiss under Die's ear, he whispered, "If you want me to stop, just tell me."

When the hands moved, Die relaxed somewhat, one hand going to rest on Kaoru's arm. He nodded a little and then after a moment whispered, "Please..." his other hand come up to Kaoru's head, trying to show him he wanted more attention to the left side of his neck. Kaoru chuckled at the urging for more, acquiescing happily, nibbling at the other's soft skin, moaning slightly. Swallowing a little, Die threw Kaoru a small bone, taking one of his hands and sliding it around to his ass... or lack thereof. That, he didn't mind being touched at all. Kaoru’s hands followed their guide down to the other's ass and he squeezed it, massaging his fingers over it through the jeans, taking the little offering for what it was worth.

Die's hips moved up then, unable not to, grinding against Kaoru's pelvis for a long moment before Die realized what he was doing and whined, immediately stopping and dropping his hips back down to the couch. His eyes squeezed shut tight, a look of almost pain on his face for a moment before he calmed down and just lay there, trembling a little, hand still on Kaoru's head. Kaoru felt the difference, could tell the other was no longer comfortable, and pulled away, kissing his mouth instead. "I mean it," he whispered. "If you don't want this, I'll stop."

Die ached... ached so badly in every sexual way he was capable of. Everything in his entire body screamed for pleasure, for release. But he knew he couldn't, not now, not here. He shivered a little bit and then nodded. "I know... I'm sorry," he breathed out. A little sigh left him as he opened his eyes and peered up at Kaoru, the brown depths holding nothing but apology. "I feel like an ass," he mumbled.

Kaoru kissed him softly again. "Don't. You're not comfortable yet, that's OK. Hell, that's probably good. It's best not to dive head first into things like this..." Shifting, he got off Die and offered him a hand up. "Smoke?"

Die nodded a little, though that didn't make him feel any damn better about this at all. All he wanted was to go get off in the bathroom, but that would seem... ass-ish. When the smoke break was offered, he nodded. "Yeah... for damn sure. Please...."

Kaoru smiled, pulling Die out onto the porch, the air now very chilly. Die stumbled after him, for a long moment fumbling with his pack of smokes, finally getting one out. He shoved the pack back in his pocket and then lit the tip of it. Kaoru lit his cigarette, as well, and hooked his arm around Die's, hugging against the other. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable..."

Swallowing, he shook his head at Kaoru. "No... please. It's me. I mean, I enjoyed everything you did, it's just that I'm... well... I'm me." He sighed a bit and looked down while he took a few long pulls from his cancer stick. "I just wish I could be... normal." He winced at the admission.

Kaoru squeezed his arm harder, nuzzling his face into Die's shoulder, kissing it softly. "Normal is overrated and boring." He yawned cutely, taking another drag, the sedative qualities of orgasm starting to set in.

Die let out a little laugh, though it wasn't filled with the mirth it usually would have been. He sighed softly, taking another drag right after. After a moment, he moved closer and slipped his arm around Kaoru's waist. "You don't hate me now?"

Kaoru wrapped his arms fully around Die this time, putting a little kiss against his neck, which had a red mark from his earlier torturing. "Of course not! Everybody has hang ups... this just needs to happen on your own time. I'm OK with that. I told you, I'm taking a risk with you. I can wait."

Kaoru probably had no idea how the hell much of a risk he was taking with Die. He licked his lips a little, tasting the cigarette and then sighed again. "Yeah... I guess everyone does, don't they?" He stared at Kaoru for a moment and then quietly asked, "So what's your hang up then?"

Kaoru laughed, leaning back. "Aaah, well, I have trust issues. And I can really only ever date Asian guys, which my friends hate, because they want to set me up with all these white men. And I'm really emotionally guarded." He rested his cheek back on Die's shoulder. "But I think you already knew all that."

Die nodded, licking his lips a little bit. It seemed to be his newest nervous habit. "Yours... are so much easier to deal with than mine," he murmured softly. Shifting a little, he suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. Making a face, he snubbed out his cigarette, swallowing a bit. He leaned against the railing, hanging his head down. Kaoru let him pull away, not wanting to make Die feel like he was smothering him. He felt like suddenly he had to be very delicate around him. Sighing, he finished his cigarette and put it out, opening the door to return back inside, which felt very quiet and tense all of a sudden.

Die closed his eyes for a few moments, feeling incredibly emotional right then. Taking a few deep breaths, he turned to follow Kaoru inside, one arm around his middle. "Kaoru..." he bit his lips a little, "I still mean everything I said earlier... but... if you don't want to see me again, then... then I understand." The emotion was incredibly thick in his voice.

The crazy look came back over Kaoru's face. "Die, I think the wine has gone to your head a little... of course I still want to see you." He rubbed his arm self-consciously. "I think we just kind of... hit on a touchy subject a little too soon. ...I mean, you still want to see _me_ , right?"

Die sniffed just a little and blinked a few times, trying to keep the stupid emotions at bay. He held himself a little tighter and then nodded. "Of course I do... I mean... you're perfect. You're everything I've ever wanted." He took a few deep breaths, trying hard not to let the emotions swamp him. "It's just... I ruined everything… didn't I?" He couldn't help but feel like he had. After all, how attractive was it for him to freak out on Kaoru like that?

Kaoru couldn't help it. He let out an "aaaw!" and hugged Die tightly, stroking his back. He'd usually not put up with even a nanosecond of this kind of emotional bullshit, but with Die, he was entangled with sympathy for the other, seeing so much going on behind his eyes, painted across his face, that he couldn't even begin to image. The hug surprised Die, but he tucked himself into it, more than willing to be that close to him. He shifted even closer, arms going around Kaoru, the feelings he was having slowly tapering off so that he could relax. He just thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't managed to actually cry in front of Kaoru. Taking in a deep breath, he tucked his face against Kaoru's neck for a long moment. At length, Kaoru pulled back and kissed Die firmly, who simply closed his eyes and allowed it, actually wanting it as it happened. "No, Die. You haven't ruined anything."

Then, he really registered what Die had said. He was... perfect? Everything he'd ever wanted? His heart skipped a beat and his face softened, looking into Die's scared, hurt eyes. "I don't even know you... not really. But it feels like I do. ...And I like being around you. I-" he sighed heavily. "I want to be with you. And I can wait as long as it takes for you to be comfortable with that. Not everybody is always ready to get naked and dive right in. Hell, they probably shouldn't be." He smiled, cocking his head. "I promise, you haven't ruined a thing."

When he pulled back, Die swallowed and then slid his tongue across his lips, catching the taste of Kaoru on the slick appendage. "Sometimes... time doesn't matter. Sometimes, nothing matters except the other person." His hands moved to curl in the front of Kaoru's shirt. "And right now, you're what matters to me." It was his way of telling him that he wanted this, too. That he didn't want to end things just because of his own problems. Bowing his head, he blushed a bit and then admitted softly, "But I still want to be... _close_ with you... if you'll let me. Like I did tonight."

When Die grabbed him by the front of his shirt, Kaoru winced, then relaxed, the power in Die's voice washing away any lingering reaction of fear. He tilted his head slightly, humming. "There's plenty of time to talk about that... I don't really know how I feel, not being able to give anything back to you... but, it's nothing we have to worry about right this second." He pushed Die's hair back, giving him a little smile, hoping to coax one out in return.

Die nodded. That... he could deal with. Swallowing a bit, he wet his lips and then blushed a little more, nodding and offering Kaoru a soft smile in return. Plenty of time... he sniffed again and let out a soft, almost scared, laugh. "I'm sorry... I get... overly emotional sometimes. I don't like it, but I do. I apologize."

Kaoru shook his head. "It's OK. It kind of freaked me out, I don't know how to deal with emotions, I'm not really sure how to deal with my own, but... I like that you're honest." He looked down nervously, feeling vulnerable. "And I like that you still want to try this. Because I want this to work so bad. I've been waiting for somebody to come along, for something to give in my life. And, Die, I feel like you could be it." The other flushed at the admissions before he moved closer and slipped one hand up, cupping his cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to his lips, lingering there for only a few seconds before pulling back, his eyes bright with something far different than tears, now. 

"I want to be it."


	4. Chapter 3

After that revealing night, Kaoru had had a lump in throat for days. It was a pleasant one, one that told him he really cared for Die, but one that scared him, for that same fact. All the same, he'd meant what he'd said about still wanting to see the shy redhead, so he'd called and asked if he was free Sunday, explaining he was having lunch with his parents and that his mother always made enough to feed a small army, sending him home with some. He'd thought it would be nice to have a homemade Japanese dinner at Die's place, not really wanting to go out, preferring to have time with just the two of them. Die hadn't argued, had been more than relieved to hear from Kaoru after what he had considered to be a minor disaster occurring the last time. He'd been a bit breathless on the phone and more than a little eager. Certain that it has showed, he'd been a slight mess for most of the day, rushing around and cleaning things up in his home. There were things he had to hide, things he had to push behind closed doors and things he felt needed to be more prominent. 

Kaoru showed up Sunday evening around seven, knocking at Die's door, wearing dress slacks and a muted green cable knit sweater, his hair loose, a black felt peacoat hanging to mid-thigh with a bag in one hand, filled with Tupperware. Die had managed to get ready for Kaoru by then, having showered and done everything else he needed to do. He even set the table and made tea, awaiting the rest of the meal to come in Kaoru's hands, just as he'd insisted. Dressed in a tight pair of black leather pants and a fitted tank, he'd thrown on a button-up over it, mostly open, just for the sake of having more between him and Kaoru. Four times, he checked in the mirror, making sure he looked okay before the knock came on his door and he rushed to answer it. Tonight, he'd put on a smudge of red eyeliner to offset the intensity of the black he was wearing and it really set off his eyes in a way that somehow strikingly more masculine than eyeliner should have ever made him seem. Opening the door, Die smiled happily at Kaoru, immediately reaching to help him with his burden. "Come in."

Kaoru let Die take the bag, distracted by those... pants. "Ah... woah." He somehow managed to get his feet to work and carry him in the door, slipping off his purple Chuck Taylors. "Did you really have to wear those pants?" It was apparent this was a good thing, sort of. Good because he thought they looked amazing on Die, his legs going on for miles and miles... but bad because it made Kaoru want to shove him to the floor and hump him like an idiot. 

Die blushed, taking it as the compliment it was meant to be. He chuckled and nodded. "Apparently I did need to wear them. Since you seem to like them so much and all." 

Shaking his head to clear it, Kaoru chuckled at himself, leaning in and kissing Die shortly on the mouth. "Good to see you again."

Die laughed and then moved halfway into the kiss, lingering a moment before he moved off toward the kitchen. "You, too. I was so happy when you called," he stated, as if that hadn't been obvious on the phone.

Kaoru hung his coat at the door, following Die into the kitchen. "I told you I wanted to see you again."

Die grinned happily as he placed the bag on the table and started pulling out the Tupperware boxes. As soon as he got them all set out, he popped open the lids and started looking through everything. "You know, it was really sweet of you to bring all of this to share with me."

Kaoru slid up behind Die, hugging him around the waist and kissing his ear, rocking back and forth slightly. “Mm, I'm going to make an assumption and guess it's been a long time since you had something like this. I figured now that I've actually found another Nihonjin, it would be nice to share a taste of home." He squeezed Die slightly around the middle, smelling his hair. He'd been missing that smell.

He gasped softly at the contact of Kaoru's hug, but he leaned back into it, making it obvious he was more than pleased with this. Licking his lips, he smiled. "Yeah, it has been a long time. Years...." He turned his head a little, peering at Kaoru over his shoulder. "It smells so good." Refocusing on his task, he dished out their food into two servings and then straightened up, leaning back against Kaoru, his hand coming to press to his hip as he turned his head, lips ghosting over his jaw.

Kaoru hummed at the feather-light touch, closing his eyes indulgently before leaning to capture Die's mouth in a slow, lingering kiss. His fingers found Die's and laced with them, holding him securely, loving the way Die felt in his arms, slightly taller or not.

Die made a soft sound at the kiss, body pushing back toward Kaoru while he kissed him. It felt so good to feel cared about like this, to feel wanted. Gently, he ended the kiss and smiled at the other. "Shall we?" he asked softly, referring to the food.

Kaoru let him go, giving a little grunt in the affirmative. "Do you have chopsticks?" He'd feel... dirty... eating his mother's food with a fork.

Die laughed softly at the question. "Yeah, I do. They're nothing special, but I have them." He moved away to his drawers, pulling out two sets of chopsticks. They were silver with little blue flowers painted on the tops. He held out one pair to Kaoru and then took his seat, crossing one leg over the other and grinning.

Kaoru sat down, grinning as well. "Oh, that's fine. My mother has a set of ohashi that's been in her family for four generations. I can't remember ever using them." He laughed. "Instead, she buys these tacky little plastic sets from the Korean market because she says they're easier to clean and she doesn't have to worry about whether or not they get broken." He stirred a little curry around into his rice, mouth salivating, despite the fact he'd already tasted the meal once today.

Die started with the gyoza, picking up one with his chopsticks and popping it into his mouth. His eyes widened as he chewed happily on the food. "Oh my god, Kaoru... this shit is amazing." Promptly after, he blushed for the use of the curse in his sentence. "Sorry," he mumbled before shoving some rice in his mouth and chewing.

Kaoru chuckled, slurping up ramen in the fashion only a true Japanese really could. All others simply made a mess. "Have you heard my vocabulary? Don't apologize, I'll pass the praise onto my mother and she'll cry a tear of joy." Die snorted and grinned, reaching for a red bean bun and biting into it. Again, it tasted amazing. And somehow, it all made him feel slightly ashamed that he had no idea what on earth most of it was called in Japanese. He knew what it all was, but his mother had never taught him the real names of the foods. Insistent, Kaoru turned his wrist, picking up a softened piece of potato from his curry with the back end of his chopsticks, setting it on the edge of Die's plate. "Try that. I swear I don't know how she does it. I think it's voodoo." He laughed, enjoying having some semblance of their shared culture between them like this, in such a comfortable moment.

Die watched Kaoru's movements, the potato coming to sit on his plate. Smiling, he picked it up and then popped it into his mouth, chewing and then swallowing. "That's some serious fucking voodoo-mojo-something-or-other she's got going on there." Grinning, he helped himself to some curry from his portion and chowed down on it until he couldn't take the heat anymore and grabbed for his tea.

A small laugh left Kaoru's mouth. "Sorry, Mom's from Hokkaido. You'd think she's Thai from the heat." Kaoru chewed thoughtfully on gyoza for a moment. "So how was your weekend?"

Waving a hand in front of his mouth, Die stuck his tongue out and made a face of slight discomfort. Laughing, he settled the cup back down and nodded. "My weekend... was mostly uneventful. Just stuck around here was all. Did some shopping." He shrugged. There'd been a doctor’s appointment, but he didn't feel quite like bringing that up right then.

Kaoru nodded. "Same for me, really. I went to say hello to a friend last night for their birthday, and then saw my parents today, but all in all, it's been pleasantly uneventful." He smiled, continuing to eat, sipping at his tea delicately, not even realizing that he held it with one hand at the front, one cupping it under, like a geisha might.

Die wet his lips, watching Kaoru sip on his tea. Something about it was mesmerizing, though in a way his mind couldn't quite wrap around. He cleared his throat and then ate a few more bites of rice. "I could get fat off of this," he murmured softly before laughing.

Another laugh. "Mm, I did soccer to prevent having to do sumo." Kaoru sighed, most of his plate cleared. 

Die laughed at that and shook his head. "Mmhmm... I'm sure." That was sarcastic. With a grin, Kaoru casually extended his free forearm across the table and draped his fingers over Die's. Smirking, Die turned his hand and held onto Kaoru's. "So... I kind of picked out a few movies," he shrugged, "you know, if you're interested."

Kaoru crinkled his nose cutely, finishing off his plate. "Oh? And are we going to be _watching_ these movies? Or just listening to them?" He laughed at his own joke and squeezed Die's fingers. 

Die turned bright red at that, but he ducked his head and shrugged a little. "Depends," he murmured before he squeezed his hand back and then got up. 

"Mm, kidding, I'm listening. What are they?"

"I chose several genres, not knowing what you'd like, so there's a variety." He started clearing up the dishes and putting leftovers back in Tupperware. He held the curry one. "Can I keep this one? It's so good...." He gave Kaoru a pleading look.

A soft smile graced Kaoru's bowed lips. "Sure. You can keep all of them if you want, I'll steal the Tupperware back from you later." He stood and lounged against the counter, waiting for Die to finish putting everything away.

Die smiled happily as he put all the containers in the fridge. As soon as he was done, he rinsed their plates and put them into the dishwasher for a later full cleaning. Swallowing, he then shifted around the apartment, pulling down a bottle of Kissui and two tumblers. "Do you drink vodka?"

"Honey, I'll drink anything alcoholic." He chuckled, crossing his arms loosely across his chest. "What, trying to booze me up?" He winked.

Die let out a laugh, shaking his head a little as he headed toward the front with his findings. "Hnn... maybe?" But more, he was trying to booze himself up. Kaoru's brows quirked, interested, and he followed Die into the front of the apartment, unable to help himself from watching that non-ass and those _legs_ , sweet God, scissoring back and forth in those _pants_. If Die wasn't planning on letting him see what was under those clothes tonight, Kaoru was a little afraid he might give himself carpal tunnel when he got home. Die settled on his big plush leather couch, curling up in one corner and pointing at the DVDs on the table. "Choose one and surprise me. Player's already set up, just pop it in." The tray was even open on it, waiting innocently beneath the TV with its mouth open, waiting to eat the disc that the other man chose. The redhead poured them both full tumblers of the Japanese vodka and then put the bottle down next to him on the stand. His entire house was full of very modern furniture, the atmosphere somewhere between laid back and minimalist. He was comfortable like this, in a place such as the one he'd created.

Kaoru looked through the DVDs, surprised to find an old favorite, wondering if Die had just grabbed it at the rental place, or had seen it before. Putting it in the player, he hit the close button and sat in the middle of the couch, touching Die but not lounging on top of him. "Have you ever seen Quills?"

Die smirked a bit at Kaoru's choice, handing over the tumbler of liquor. "Those are all mine, so yeah, quite a few times actually. I thought you might enjoy it so I set it out." He smiled as he lifted his own glass and then took a good swig off of it. It burned all the way down and he made a pleased sound.

"Oh, it's a favorite!" Kaoru declared, taking a sip from his own glass. "I told you, I love BDSM, so this movie is... way, way hot, on top of just being a great film." He leaned back against the plush cushions, his hand going to rest at his side and finding Die's ankle. He gave a wry grin and slipped his fingers under the hem of the leather, giving the redhead's bare ankle a little squeeze, feeling the sharp bones under the other's thinness.

Die smiled and then nodded. "It is," he murmured quietly, pressing play and flicking the TV on. He skipped the previews and then started the movie, settling back. And then, Kaoru's hand came to touch his ankle and he turned his eyes to watch, gaze curious and slightly aroused. He smiled a bit behind his glass before downing the rest of that tumbler full and settling it down on the edge of the table next to him. There... he didn't mind being touched. Kaoru's devilish grin grew when Die didn't tense or pull away. He let his pinky rub idly against the other's skin, startlingly smooth, and sipped leisurely at his own drink, the movie easy to watch during this. He loved it, and had seen it many times, so he could keep up with the plot, seeming to watch, while slowly stroking Die's ankle. He wasn't particularly fond of anything that close to feet, but it would do for now, was easiest to seem absent.

Die shifted just a little bit but made sure not to move his leg at all. Kaoru's touch soothed him, lulled him to where he didn't mind what was going on. The only thing that he wondered if it was okay or not was that he shaved his legs... rather obviously. They were devoid of the hair that most men would still have on their body and he kind of hoped Kaoru wouldn't mind. Blinking a bit, he poured more booze for himself and started sipping at it, holding it in both hands. Kaoru, not realizing the reasoning as to why, didn't even notice, seeing as Asian men typically had less body hair, and he shaved his own legs, due to his moonlighting as Yuuko. After a while of idle stroking, he shifted, looking like he was just getting more comfortable, but being very calculated, indeed, draping his arm over Die's thighs, in their tucked up position, and leaning slightly into the other, finishing off his drink and setting down the glass. Die noticed the shifting, just taking it to be a shift for Kaoru to get more comfortable. He slicked his tongue over his lips and took another sip of his drink again. "Want more?" he asked softly as he held up the bottle in Kaoru's vision.

Kaoru couldn't help the seductive smile that passed his lips. Yes, he wanted more, but not just of the Kissui. Sure, he liked Die, a lot, would love for their relationship to continue to grow, but he was horny, had had his appetite whet, and now felt challenged to get Die off, as the other seemed so against the idea. He held his tumbler out, his features cast in stark contrast by the glow of the TV. "Please." His eyes burned. For some crazy reason tonight, he wanted to try and get Die to come to him.

Die poured more into the tumbler, filling it to the brim and then topping off his own. Placing the bottle back down, he recapped it and then just drained his glass. After a few moments, he coughed softly, chuckling right after. "Damn..." he let out a breath. That had gone down incredibly strong.

Kaoru raised a thin brow, wondering if Die was trying to get himself wasted or if he just had a high tolerance. For himself, he continued only to sip. "You OK?"

He laughed softly. "Yeah, I'm fine." He sounded a little bit inebriated, but not overly so. Swallowing, he settled again and then continued to watch the screen. After a long while, he found himself longing for Kaoru's touch, to just kiss him and rub against him. Biting his lip a little, he shifted closer to Kaoru, eyes dark as he nuzzled against Kaoru's neck, testing the waters. Kaoru bowed his head and arched his neck to give Die more room, the bat there seeming to spread its wings slightly. Triumph flared up in him and he squeezed down with the arm draped over Die's legs, a little sign of encouragement. Die moved a little bit again, shifting toward Kaoru, now completely ignoring the screen as he nuzzled against him and started to kiss along the flesh there. Moaning a little, he latched onto the skin and sucked. At least, he was smart enough to be doing this on skin that wasn't tattooed.

Kaoru's eyes fluttered shut and he hummed out a soft moan through his nose gripping his arm across Die's thighs a little harder. He'd seen this movie plenty of times before. He could miss it this once. Die let out a little sound of pleasure, finally just entirely moving, taking Kaoru's glass away and putting it down on the table. Without even asking or hinting at it, he straddled the other's lap, settling down on it and framing his face with his hands. "Can't keep my hands to myself," he whispered before he moved to press his lips hard against Kaoru's.

Kaoru gasped, kissing Die back hungrily, his hands immediately going to knead at that leather clad ass. He sucked Die's tongue into his mouth and groaned, rocking his hips up against Die's. He pulled away when he was breathless, panting up at Die past the red hair hanging in his face. "I have lain in bed for four nights now, thinking about your mouth on my cock." He nipped at Die's chin playfully, rasping his hot breath over the wide lips as he continued, "But you know what thought always gets me off?"

Die shivered at that proclamation, his eyes dark. He'd been there, been doing that each night as well, thinking about the kisses, thinking about how he had blown the other and how much he wanted to do it again. Kaoru's question made him blink and he smirked, tilting his head. "What... tell me," he breathed out against his lips.

Kaoru fisted both hands in Die's button down, pulling him close and purring in his ear, "Returning the favor." His tongue darted out and he attacked Die's ear with wet, sloppy kisses one hand coming down to caress a leather-clad thigh. Die shivered a little bit and then whimpered, burying his head down against the other's shoulder. God how he wished that could work... but not now... not _yet_. Licking his lips a little, he shifted over him, determined to distract Kaoru with how his ass rubbed over the other's clothed cock as he turned his head and started to suck on that side of his neck instead.

Kaoru would not be swayed, only spurred on by Die dry-humping him. He'd said he wouldn't be pushy. He never said anything about persuasive. He gripped Die's shirt a little harder and slid his hand on his thigh up, over his groin, finding him... limp? Die wasn't even hard? He wondered if the alcohol was affecting the other, groping at him through those ridiculous pants, squeezing his balls gently. Die gasped when the other started groping him. For a moment, he was almost scared, but then... the alcohol just overrode it all. He moaned and pushed against his hand, hips moving almost urgently. Whining, he slipped his hands down to Kaoru's ass, hunched over to grab at him. "Fuck... ah," he moaned again softly.

Kaoru bit his lip in a triumphant grin; possible whiskey dick or not, Die wasn't fighting him. He moaned loudly to have his ass man-handled in such a way, and between the movie playing in the background, the booze, and Die's irresistible body... hell, if the other could get it up, he might even let him fuck him tonight. His mouth kept torturing Die's neck and ears and his hands made fast work of the front of his pants, getting them open and diving his fingers inside the waistband of Die's boxer-briefs.

Die didn't even notice until it was too late, until Kaoru's hand was already in his pants. Only then did he freak out, crying out in a startled manner and then grabbing at Kaoru's wrist, his other hand going down to his crotch, pressing against his balls. "K-Kaoru," he choked out, eyes wide and terrified. Kaoru jerked his hand away before Die could do it for him, having felt the texture of whatever it was in Die's underwear. If he could have controlled his reaction at all, he would have remembered this was Die he was talking about, the guy he had thought about every waking minute and dreamed about in between since their first fateful meeting, but the shock, confusion, and anger took his control and he sank back against the couch, looking faintly disgusted. "What the fuck is that? Take it out!"

Die stared at him, his face completely ashamed. He pulled back, sliding away, his body trembling as he wrapped an arm around his waist, the other holding his pants closed. Shame was written across his entire being, even the air around him crackling with it. "No... please... I..." he choked on his own words, hand moving to press over his mouth to repress the choked sound of a half-sob. This... this was everything he hadn't wanted to happen. He crushed himself back against the corner of the couch, trembling, looking afraid of Kaoru now, like he knew what was coming. And he did... he knew too well what was going to come. First the screaming and then the punishment for what he was and what he wasn't; the beating that his body still remembered all too well.

Kaoru was swamped with so many emotions. Fear, panic, anger, confusion, shock... his subconscious knew what was going on, knew to jerk away, but the rest of him still wasn't sure exactly what that plastic feeling in Die’s pants boiled down to. And then he remembered the binding, and all the hints Die had given him crashed together. Suddenly, all Kaoru felt was numb disbelief, sat tensed at the edge of the couch, panting, staring at Die. "...You're a girl?"

Die stared at Kaoru, watched him move, his own body tense, ready to get up and bolt. Reason started to set in within the confines of his head as his fingers slipped back to the tumbler he'd been drinking from, slim digits curling around it. He could defend himself if it came to it... he'd at least try this time. Wincing, he shifted and then sniffed a little bit. "I... yes... no... fuck." He honestly still looked like he was on the verge of tears and frankly sounded like it, too. "I mean..." he let out a very frustrated sound and then abruptly stood up, yanking his zipper up and then tugged his tank top down to cover it. "Fuck it." Once more, he grabbed the tumbler and held it tight in between two trembling hands. "Please, understand, Kaoru... physically... yes, I'm female. But I identify as male. And... well," he swallowed and then shoved the glass back down on the table since the other hadn't come after him yet. "I'm taking hormones... male hormones. I'm less than two months away from getting my first surgery to give me the body I belong in." By then, he was whispering, his head bowed and his thin body trembling with the effort of holding his tears back. All he could see was disaster, pain, discomfort, and the tears that were now rolling down his cheeks.

Kaoru felt painfully awkward just then, his voice harsh. "I'm a drag queen, Die, I get it. You don't have to explain it, I just-" he huffed. At least Die was actually trans and not just some cross-dresser trying to fuck with his head and emotions. He sighed, throwing back the rest of his drink, needing it just then. "What, like chest reconstruction?" He knew that was usually the first surgery for female-to-male, seeing as genital reassignment was much trickier than their male-to-female counterparts.

Die's hand came up, wiping almost frantically at his cheeks as he sniffed a bit. He hated this... hated the crying. But at least Kaoru wasn't screaming... yet. He shifted from foot to foot and then bowed his head, closing his eyes as he went still. After a moment, he nodded a little, "A bilateral mastectomy... yes." This really wasn't something he wanted to be talking about right then, but he felt like he owed it to Kaoru to tell him what was going on.

The smarter part of Kaoru wanted stay calm and be understanding, but in all honesty, he was freaking out, and he really couldn't handle this right now. Standing quickly, he waved his hands in front of him in a surrendering gesture. "I have to go. I'm sorry, I just - I have to leave." He picked his way around the couch and yanked on his coat, feeling tears of his own starting to well up. He felt stupid for not figuring this out before, and even stupider for having already made some emotional investment in Die, feeling crushed. He shoved his shoes on and fumbled to unlock Die's door.

Die stared at him, those tears coming again, pouring down his cheeks in a torrent as he watched Kaoru get up to leave. Pressing one hand over his mouth, he stumbled backwards until his back hit the solidness of the wall behind him. He let out a choked sob before he slid down the wall, crouching there. Whimpering, he managed to whisper out at the sound of the door closing, "It was n-nice while it l-lasted." Slowly... he began to fully crumble.


	5. Chapter 4

Two weeks went by with no correspondence. It was like they'd never known each other at all. Both of their cars were fixed and no gifts had really been exchanged, leaving little evidence their short relationship had even existed. Die had spent the good part of the first week, holing himself away in the confines of his own home, calling in to work and claiming the flu. The second week, he'd actually gone in to work, but everything he'd done had been as if on autopilot. His entire life was lived through a proverbial haze. Nothing more, nothing less. 

It was a Tuesday night, late, almost ten, when there was a very quick succession of knocks on Die's door. He had been preparing for bed, his body unbound and clad in red silken pajamas. At the knock on his door, he stared at it for a long moment and then sighed, grabbing his rent check from the table next to the door. He pulled it open and instantly his face was a mask of fear. "K-Kaoru," he chocked out, immediately crossing his arms over his chest, holding tight, his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

Kaoru immediately put his head down and bowed, low, his hands twitching at his sides. "I'm sorry I didn't call first," he murmured softly as he stood back up. "I came to apologize."

Die blinked at him, the rent check crumpling in his fingers. After a moment, he stood back, confused by the way he bowed at him. Shaking his head, he gestured. "Please... come inside. The hall is cold," he murmured, seeming incredibly nervous.

Kaoru bowed again, shorter, just a bob down and back up, really, and stepped inside, keeping his shoes and coat on, not wanting to impose to stay if Die wanted to just send him back out again once he'd said what he'd come to say. Keeping his eyes to the floor, ashamed, he sighed. "I'm sorry... for the way I reacted." He scrunched up his face, looking almost pained. "You never asked me before what I do for a living. I actually work for Morbid Black Light, it's a regional alternative subculture magazine, and I write the GLBT column. I have been interviewing and doing stories on gender benders of every variety for five years, so, for me to have reacted the way I did is not only hypocritical, but stupid."

Die stood there, stunned as he listened to Kaoru. A columnist... one for such a magazine that was willing to accept people like himself and yet... the reaction Kaoru had given wasn't a favorable one at all. He swallowed, shifting slightly and then closing his eyes. Slowly, he put the rent check down on the little hallway table and then leaned back against the wall while Kaoru spoke to him. It was true at least that he hadn't reacted quite... favorably. But he had done better than what Die had encountered in the past. 

Kaoru finally looked up, meeting Die's eyes briefly. "When I left, I was... shocked. I spent the first couple of days just, angry and in total disbelief, thinking it was over. But..." he shrugged, not sure how to offer much. "Then I realized, I was making that decision. I walked out, so it's my own fault I felt like my heart was broken. Die..." He pursed his lips. "I was falling for you. Hard. I really thought you were who I'd been needing for... a long time. And it hurt so much to think all that was a farce." He paused for a long time, having to gather his thoughts.

Slowly, Die considered the words that the other offered, letting his mind sift through them all. Sighing, he shook his head a little. "It wasn't a lie... I'm not that kind of person." All he could think was that he'd just met Kaoru at the wrong time in his life, that was all there was to it. Just when he was about to open his mouth and apologize to Kaoru, the other spoke again. His eyes reflected everything he felt: shame, hurt, confusion, and even the deep affection he'd come to have for the other man. 

"I know. Then I came back to my fucking senses and understood, it wasn't. It wasn't fake. I was crazy about you because you're an amazing person, and that has nothing to do with whether or not your gender matches your sex. And... I'm still crazy about you. If you can forgive me... I'd really like to keep seeing you. I just have two favors to ask you."

A quiet sigh slipped past Die’s lips as he pushed some red hair from his eyes, nervously dragging his fingertips down the side of his face. "What would those be?" he questioned so softly he might not have spoken at all

Kaoru licked his lips. "Well, first, if there's anything else you're hiding, tell me now."

Die stared at him for a long moment and then sighed softly, motioning for him to come toward the living room. Settling on the couch, he pulled his legs up close to his body, breasts pressing against his thighs as he hugged his long limbs against his body. "Well... obviously, I still have all the girl parts... but they don't... work." He gestured for a moment. "I can't have children and I’ve never had a, uh... cycle. Something was wrong down there from birth, I guess." He shrugged a little and then continued on. "I moved a few months back because I was starting the hormones and my parents disowned me because of it." Die shifted again, feeling uncomfortable. "I..." he shook his head again, "my brother knows... and other than that, I can't think of anything else." Again, he shifted, discomfort radiating off of him.

Kaoru nodded, following Die into the living room, but not sitting. He'd been expecting as much, though he had been surprised to hear that Die's reproductive system had never worked. "And my second request..." He stood over Die, his eyes telling the other he was completely serious. "Take off your clothes."

Die stared up at him, feeling choked up. For a long moment, he did nothing and then he blushed deeply. “But... why?" He stared at him, eyes dark and confused. "Even if you do want to date me... why would you want to see..." he gestured a little with one hand over his body, " _this_?"

Kaoru crossed his arms over his chest, quirking a brow. "Because adults have functioning, sexual relationships. Die, this is such a disconnect for me. In my mind, you're a guy, I can't see it any other way, even though I know... I have to see what I'm getting myself into, because if I'm going to be with you, I want all of you."

Die listened carefully, understanding but not really following the line of thought. He could see that Kaoru was willing to try, but he was honestly confused by how he wouldn't be horrified seeing him. He looked down, seeming almost bashful for a moment. But then he stood, slowly unfurling himself from the couch, the red silk of his outfit shifting over his body. Slowly, he reached for the buttons on his shirt. "You really want this... want _me_?" he sounded so unsure of himself.

Kaoru took in a shaky breath, tingling with anticipation. "God, yes."

Die swallowed hard, his fingers trembling as he opened the remaining four buttons of his nightshirt, closing his eyes and allowing the silken material to fall off his shoulders and float to the ground. Gently, his hands came up over his sides and then crossed over his middle. His cheeks burned with shame, his breathing shallow. Kaoru couldn't help but grin, at least able to keep his chuckle in. "How did I know you'd have great tits?" And they were; just big enough and perfectly shaped, with little caramel nipples. He jerked up his chin. "Now the rest of it."

Die couldn't help the fact that his cheeks were very much turning the same shade as his hair. Hands trembling, he slipped them both down to the hem of his pants. Slowly, achingly, he pushed the fabric down, letting it pool at his ankles. He was clean-shaven, the position of his legs showing that fact off quite nicely. His body was all lean lines and flat planes, the only exception being the soft mounds of his breasts. He shifted slightly, obviously nervous, thighs coming to press against one another as he shivered faintly.

Kaoru allowed himself to just look, admiring the obviously male features under the slight softness of his female body, those lean arms and sharp, thin hips, and the long, long legs, the things that had helped Die convince Kaoru of his preferred gender. His eyes roamed the other's body, absorbing it, and finally he looked to Die's groin, anticipating the clean fold, and was surprised to find something very unexpected; preceding the assumed clean fold hung a rather marvelously curious appendage. Die's clitoris was easily the size of a thumb. Kaoru tilted his head, intrigued. _Of course,_ he thought, _the hormones_. When he'd had an eyeful, he gave a little nod of thanks, slipping off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch. Die could feel those eyes wandering over his body and he felt somehow more naked than his bare body already made him feel. Something tingled inside him, making him feel very close to humiliated as he stood there in front of this man that had walked out on him two weeks prior. The sound of Kaoru's jacket hitting the couch made him look up. Blushing, he watched Kaoru advance on him, the other’s arms coming out and around Die as he moved closer, enveloping the other's thin body, his hands resting high on the redhead's bare ass. "I still think you're beautiful," he breathed in a low voice, leaning to ghost his lips against Die's jaw. Kaoru's arms around him made Die pull in a trembling breath, his eyelids fluttering closed as he felt those lips on his jaw. A tiny whimper slipped past his lips, completely unbidden.

Kaoru let his hands wander, one up to a sharp shoulder blade, the other over Die's flat backside to the back of his thigh. He pushed himself flush against him, not forceful, just oh so close, and lifted his head, kissing Die's lips softly, lingering at them. Pulling away, he licked his lips for a taste. Just as he remembered. "How long has it been since you let someone touch you?"

Die was left breathless, his body shaking in Kaoru's hold with something between arousal and fear. His blood was pounding in his veins, his breathing a sharp staccato that he tried hard not to let be obvious. A small whimper found its way past his lips as he ducked his head at the question. "Two years," he whispered, body giving a violent shiver. Pulling away, he knelt to pull up his pants and snatch up his top. Shifting a little, holding the shirt in front of him, he stared at Kaoru. "They..." he shook his head and then slid onto the couch, curling in on himself, staring up at Kaoru with pleading eyes. “He didn't understand... found out... like you, except I wasn't taking the hormones yet and I just... I wanted this but I couldn't afford it yet and... he beat me. My brother... he took me in when my parents found out why it all happened and tossed me aside." He shrugged a little, pale shoulders lifting and then falling in a delicate way.

Kaoru's brow furrowed and he stepped over to the couch. “I'm sorry..." Not wanting to linger on such a dark memory, he dropped to his knees, leaning over Die, kissing him again. "Oh, and," he took the shirt Die was still only holding and tossed it aside, his fingers curling around the waistband of the silky bottoms and tugging, "I wasn't done yet." Die gasped when Kaoru's fingers plucked the cloth away from him, discarding it onto the floor. His pants slid off with far too much ease. Kaoru’s head dipped and he placed a wet kiss between Die's breasts, moving down, slowly working the pants off those long, creamy thighs, his face nuzzling into Die's stomach. "Ooh, your skin is so soft..." he purred, shivering at the texture of it. 

Die’s hips involuntarily arched when Kaoru started touching him. His long legs parted and he whimpered, pressing the back of one hand against his mouth. His body was already responding to even so little, the touches to bare skin making him feel incredibly needy. Kaoru had felt uncomfortable, at first, thinking about pleasing, essentially, a woman, but then he'd remembered that this was Die, and he'd give anything to please him. He stopped his descent downward and looked up into Die's eyes, his own open and honest. "I'd meant what I said about returning the favor. I still want to."

Die pushed his hand harder against his mouth to stifle the moan he let out when Kaoru told him he wanted to return the favor from before. For a long moment, he bit his lip and then he whispered, “But... how? I'm not... I mean... I have a strap-on, but…” He gave an uncomfortable shrug.

Kaoru leaned back and pointed to Die's clit, blinking up at him innocently. "I'd call that a penis," and as if to prove his point, he craned his head down, breathing hot against it, settling on the floor between Die's knees, hands on his thighs and, tossing any lingering reservations aside, took the tiny cock into his mouth.

Die gasped when Kaoru pointed at his clit. Sure, it was decidedly larger than it had been before he'd been taking hormones, but it was still nothing more than a part of his feminine form that he wanted to transform into something more. But before he could set up any kind of protest, Kaoru had it in his mouth and Die's head fell back against the back of the couch, his hips arching up hard as he cried out in pleasure. His hands fumbled for a moment and then dug into the leather of the couch as he let out another sharp cry at the pull of Kaoru's mouth around him.

Kaoru was slammed with a pang of arousal by Die's cry of pleasure, the sound egging him on. Curling his lips over his teeth, he took in all of what he had mentally labeled as Die's dick (after all, he knew that once all the surgeries were completed, that's exactly what it would be) and rolled his tongue around it, sucking experimentally. Die arched toward him, unable to stop the reaction of his body as the other sucked on him. His hands moved to Kaoru’s hair, pushing into it and half pulling as he made another incredibly aroused sound. As he shifted, he could feel the dampness that started to form between his legs, the slick way his lower regions slid together, his insides trembling with the pleasure of someone _else_ doing the touching.

Kaoru's eyes had slipped shut, his mind shifting into that triumphant heaven he reached while pleasing someone, sucking Die off with tender abandon, occasionally snaking his tongue out and down into the cleft of that neat fold, now moistening, when he sank down to have all of Die past his lips. It was awkward, but not altogether un-enjoyable, especially with the sounds it was wrenching from Die. It was kind of like sucking a boneless thumb, or a limp dick, and that was good enough for Kaoru, just familiar enough that he felt confident in knowing how to please Die.

That tongue sneaking into his folds made him squirm. It felt good... more than good... and for a brief moment, Die managed to forget everything except this. He squirmed around, panting, unable to hold still in the very least. Whimpering, he arched up harder, thighs trembling as he let out sounds that seemed to belong to both a girl and a boy. With one more sound, he tensed incredibly and then came hard, crying out louder than any other time as he started to spasm inside, a little fluid squirting out onto the couch beneath him. Kaoru purred to hear Die's cry, giving his dick one last suck, finding it a little weird to know the other had cum, but there was no jizz to swallow. Sitting up, he smiled, lips plumped with blood, cheeks pinked. He stroked up and down Die's thighs lovingly, tilting his head, waiting for some kind of response as the other recovered.

It took Die a little bit before he could do anything at all but lay there on the couch bonelessly. But when he managed, he lifted his head and peered down at Kaoru, cheeks still ruddy with desire. Slowly, he moved, sitting up a little and then holding out his arms. "Come here," he whispered.

Kaoru bit his lip, crawling up onto the couch beside Die, on his knees, snaking his hands around that slim waist and leaning in close, locking their gazes, his eyes telling Die that he'd hoped that was OK, that it was good, and that he was a little afraid the redhead would throw him out, now that the score was even, as it were.

Die immediately latched onto Kaoru, only looking into Kaoru's eyes briefly before he rested his head against the other's shoulder as his body tried to unwind from what had just transpired. He didn't intend to kick him out, not after he had been so... well, accepting. In Die's world, this was acceptance and what Kaoru had done before was tolerance. Breathing softly, he wet his lips and then blushed deeply. "Did you… did you enjoy that at all?" Honestly, he couldn't even begin to imagine how on earth he could have.

Kaoru chuckled, laying back against the arm of the couch slowly, pulling Die on top of him, stroking his sides. "Are you kidding? Listening to you make all those noises and having you squirm around like you'd die if I didn't get you off? Yeah, I enjoyed it. You?"

Die ducked his head at that, though he allowed Kaoru to move him. "Well... I..." he buried his face in the other man's chest and then laughed softly, "I haven't felt like that in a long time." Licking his lips a little, he turned his head and rested there, against the spot where he could listen to Kaoru's heartbeat the best. Kaoru closed his eyes, savoring the feel of them lying together like that, one hand carding through Die's hair. It felt... right. And so, so good. 

After a careful moment of consideration, Die gently tugged on Kaoru's shirt. "I wanna show you something.... please?" He sat up and then pushed himself to stand. Prompted by the question, he opened his eyes, watching the other get up, still amazed by those perfect breasts on what he still could not fully make himself think of as anything but male, and stood, himself.

Die's belly button ring flashed in the slight light of the hallway as he padded toward his room. Pausing at the door, he shared a soft, almost secret smile with Kaoru. He pushed the wooden barrier open and stepped into the softly lit room. Every wall was covered in posters and paintings, a single photo hanging over the mirror to the side of the door, a photo of his entire family, including him as a child, looking awkward in a bright red dress. He headed straight for the bed though, settling on the side of it as he pulled open the top drawer of the nightstand. Carefully, he pulled out his packer, holding it out toward Kaoru. "Here... you wanted to see. This... is what I hope to be like one day." The balls were soft curves of slightly wrinkled cyberskin, hanging beneath a modest sized cock. "The doctor says this isn't too much to hope for. We spent a while finding one that would get me used to how I will feel when I'm entirely a man."

Kaoru took it, feeling awkward holding it, like he was holding a glass eye, but he felt like this was important to Die to share it, so he fondled the fake package thoughtfully for a moment before handing it back, sitting on the bed with Die. "You know... female-to-male surgeries... they're very intense. And painful. And they're still not really exact, or always successful. Some of the bois I've interviewed get to a point through their surgeries and just... stop, accepting who they are, knowing what makes them male is their own choice to be that." He felt like he was lecturing, but it was his way of showing concern. 

Die took his packer back, gently placing it back inside the drawer. It rested next to his strap-on, the closest thing he had to being able to have an erect cock at the moment. Carefully, he shut the drawer and then turned to pay attention to what Kaoru was saying. He nodded. "I know... I spent a long time making the decision, thinking about how much it will hurt... and really, how much it's going to scar. But," he lifted his shoulders a little, studying Kaoru. "I don't feel right like this. I always felt like god put me in the wrong body on accident." 

"Well, here’s how I see this. You're a guy to me. But this is the body you have right now, so I either have to accept that, or close myself off and probably lose any chance of us being together." He leaned in, kissing the side of Die's neck gently. As if to make a point about accepting what Die had to give him, he reached, for the first time, and cupped one soft, heavy breast, feeling its weight in his hand. To his surprise, he liked the way it felt, catching the nipple between his fingers briefly. "And there is nothing in the world I want more right now than to be with you."

His head tilted when Kaoru leaned in to kiss his neck, his eyelids fluttering a little. After a moment, he gasped at the feeling of Kaoru fondling his nipple and cupping his breast. It sent electricity through his body, his nerve endings on fire with both the words and the touch. He whimpered softly, arching into it. "Ahhnn...."

Kaoru chuckled darkly, wrapping his arm down around Die's waist. "You're so sensitive!" He stopped, needing Die's attention, not wanting to distract from it. "I'm serious, Die. I want to be with you." It was about as close to the much less eloquent 'will you be my boyfriend' as he was willing to get.

Die blinked at him, flushing a little and then looking down for a moment. Reaching for Kaoru's hand, he pulled it into his lap. He raised his eyes up, meeting Kaoru's and then smiling just a little bit. "You really want to be with me?"

Kaoru bit the inside of his lip, rubbing Die's fingers between his own. "Yes, I do."

Moving closer to Kaoru, he slid his arms around the other man's body, tucking himself against the other. "Then I want to be with you," he whispered softly.

His heart skipped a beat and Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die, kissing his shoulders. "Is it alright if I stay here tonight?" He'd slept in an empty bed for two years; it would be wonderful to feel someone next to him, finally, and exquisite for that someone to be Die.

He bit his lip a little and then nodded. "Under one condition," his eyes sparkled as he pulled back enough to look into Kaoru's. "You have to let me blow you again."

Kaoru laughed outright, shocked by Die's boldness. "Well twist my arm, why don't you!" Standing, he yanked his t-shirt over his head and threw it to the floor, his jeans and underwear following quickly after. Die smirked at him, shuffling back a bit as he watched Kaoru strip. He stood, feeling a little shy, in front of Die, naked as the day he was born, White Tara in vibrant colors and traditional Tibetan style taking up the entirety of the top of his left thigh. As soon as his lover was completely naked Die stared at him, eyes ghosting over the other man's flesh. All those tattoos... that cock he remembered perhaps a little too well for having only sucked it once. 

Giving a little huff, Kaoru straddled Die's lap, cupping both breasts enthusiastically. "Is it weird I really like these? Kinda wish you could donate them to Yuuko," he joked with a smirk. Die shivered a little and then gasped when Kaoru straddled him and started to fondle his breasts. Panting, he arched up and whined. They'd always been more sensitive than he'd wanted them to be and Kaoru was touching them in all the right ways for it to turn him on again very quickly. Pleased by Die's generous reactions, Kaoru couldn't help himself, leaning down and sucking on one hardened, brown nipple, tasting Die there, nothing feminine about it at all; slight sweat, faint sting of cologne, the heated undertone of flesh, and that unique flavor of Die. His hands slid hungrily over Die's body, his cock starting to swell at the sounds pouring from his lover's lips.

Die jerked a little in reaction to Kaoru's mouth on his nipple. "Oh fuck," he breathed out, arching his back, eyes fluttering closed as he reached up, grabbing his lover's hair in his hands. Shivering, he moaned softly, hips pushing up to try and rub against Kaoru. "W-want you," he whimpered. He really had no idea what had come over him; he just wanted to be with him, to get everything he could out of this.

Kaoru moaned to have his hair pulled, nibbling gently on the nipple in his mouth, treating the other with the same attention. He laid Die back against the bed, pinning his hands down by his wrists, torturing him with pleasure, tasting every inch of those spectacular breasts. He'd surprised himself, being so turned on by them, but he supposed he might as well enjoy them while Die still had them. At the proclamation, he grunted, grinding his hips against Die's. "Mm, want you, too, baby... so bad."

Die arched hard toward him, his pussy slick with the evidence of his want. He could feel his clit engorging with blood, letting both him and Kaoru know just how much he was enjoying this. Tugging just a little bit at his hands, he whined and then trembled more. He writhed a bit and then whispered, "Please... oh god... fuck me, please." He almost choked out the words, somehow scared of what he was asking for.

Kaoru's head jerked up, eyes glassy and wide. He nuzzled Die's chest, face between his tits. "W-Where?" He thought he knew, but he couldn't be sure, despite how hot and wet Die was against his skin as he pressed his thigh up against the other's groin, Die's dick swelling, a rougey, engorged pink.

The redhead bit his lips a little and then stared up at him, cheeks pink and his eyes a little scared. It felt odd having to say this... but he knew he kind of had to. "Ass," he muttered, looking a little flustered at this. "I wouldn't expect you to... you know... not there." He shook his head a little.

Kaoru stretched himself out over Die, dick pressed against the other's stomach, straining up to kiss those wide lips. “OK..." In all honesty, he would have done anything for and to Die, but anal was something familiar enough, even though he usually wasn't a top. "Condom? Lube?"

Unable to move his hands still, Die tilted his head toward the drawer he'd been digging in earlier. "In there," he murmured. His body continued to squirm under Kaoru, wriggling a little before his hips just pressed his crotch against Kaoru's leg, almost humping him that way. He was so damn turned on. Kaoru grabbed Die's hips and shoved his thigh against his hot pussy, grinding, his eyes sparkling with desire. This was something he'd never thought he'd want, but being with Die made it enticing, made him lose any hesitance a vagina would usually arise in him. Die let out an intensely aroused sound when Kaoru ground his thigh against him. His hips pushed, the lips of his pussy pulling across Kaoru's skin, dragging with just the right amount of friction. 

Leaning back, Kaoru dug through the drawer, finding a condom and a little bottle of silicon lube, tossing them onto the bed before lying back out over Die, releasing his wrists and kissing him like a starving man. Die let out a full blown moan, the sound slipping into Kaoru's mouth. Settling down, he swallowed and tried to relax, spreading his thighs more. Kaoru, curious, and driven powerfully by Die's responses settled fully between those slender thighs, sucking at Die's neck as one hand came between them, rubbing over that needy slit.

Die’s head tilted to the side, upper body arching up toward him while he moaned. A sharp cry followed the moan as those fingers slid over his pussy. His hips bucked up harshly as his head fell back. "O-oh _fuck_ !" he exclaimed. Something inside of him switched over and all he could think about was more, wanting more... needing more. His hips bucked up and he pushed enough forward that Kaoru's finger slipped inside his slick folds. Die's wetness felt like raw eggs on his fingers, and Kaoru lifted them to his mouth, tasting it. Tangy was the only thing that came to mind, and he didn't all together mind it, liked it, even. Anxious, feeling like he would explode, he opened the lube and slicked two fingers of the other hand, rubbing one at Die's tight bud while he jacked Die off with the pads of two fingers and his thumb.

Die whimpered a little and shifted slightly. But then Kaoru was pushing against his ass and he moaned, pushing down just before his lover started pulling at his clit, jacking it off. A sharp cry left his lips as he arched up hard. It felt incredible, pleasant and... right. He'd have to remember this... and use it. Kaoru slid the finger in and worked it around before sliding in another, trying to prep Die properly, but his own needs were becoming viciously impatient. Those fingers inside of him felt amazing, utterly and entirely delightful. Die felt as though he had too many sensations at once, his clit fully engorged, pussy tingling with the sensations he had been given, and now his ass invaded by two fingers. Scissoring his fingers, making sure Die still had room for more, Kaoru tore open the condom and rolled it on, removing his fingers and placing his crown snug against Die. He leaned over the other, supporting himself on his hands. This wouldn't be lovemaking, they were both too drunk with lust, but he didn't want it to just be a fuck, either. Softly, he kissed Die, calming his breathing, pressing close and shivering at the feel of the other's body against his own. "Are you ready?"

Die squirmed under the other man for a long moment before settling and then gasping as those fingers were replaced by the blunt head of his cock. Shuddering, he wrapped his legs around Kaoru's back. "Please... oh, yes," he whispered, cheeks painted in an announcement of his pleasure.

Kaoru gave a nod, leaning to kiss Die, sliding into him firm and slow. He tried to keep kissing him, but he was forced to break it, a moan getting torn out, the tight heat of his lover around him almost too much, he thought he would lose his mind. "You feel so good," he praised, his voice shaking, making the first tiny thrust.

Die trembled as Kaoru pushed into him, moaning against his lips rather lewdly. He could feel his ass stretching, pulling as the muscles tried to relax for Kaoru. Another rather obnoxious sound slipped past his lips as he squirmed around and then arched more. "Ahhh... oh _god_!" he announced loud enough that surely the adjoining apartment knew what was going on.

His arms came under Die’s shoulders, holding him, dropping little kisses to his face as he began to thrust, the hot slit of Die's pussy pressed against his pubis. He knew neither of them would last long, but he hoped to make it good while he had the chance. Everything was overwhelming; the feel of Die around him, the smell of him thick, pressed close to him like this and in his room, and Kaoru's heart swelled, wishing he could give the world to this man. Die’s legs wrapped tighter, hips arching up as the other thrust into him. The friction felt amazing, his nerve endings on fire, making him feel hotter than usual. A flush started to sweep its way down his chest, spreading across the top of his breasts, skin almost pink in tone. His arms looped around Kaoru's neck as he tried to help with the thrusting, clit rubbing against Kaoru's skin each time the other went deep enough.

Kaoru felt himself soaring higher and higher, Die's squirming and clenching not helping his staying power, and he slipped the hand that had been stroking Dies slit back down between them, returning it to its original task, growing bolder and pressing the tip of one finger into that molten, slick passage. All it took for Die was the press of that finger into the forbidden place between his thighs. He hadn't touched there except to wash in years and something pushing in so far... so deep... he cried out passionately, head thrown back as his body arched hard. His inner muscles began to pulsate, drawing and milking at Kaoru's finger the entire time. The same was happening around the other man's cock, his body almost trying to urge Kaoru to come along for the ride with him.

Kaoru was stunned, and extremely aroused. He realized he had no idea how to make heads or tails of female orgasm, and to feel Die pulse around his finger, in that place whose texture he'd never known, with beautiful Die cumming, vocally, beneath him, and the quakes extending to where he had buried himself in the other... Kaoru pulled his finger out and practically threw himself down on top of Die, snapping his hips into his body harshly, careening over the edge hard, and abruptly, his face pressed against his lover's neck. Die's cries only heightened as Kaoru thrust into him again and again, the feeling of the other's cock burying itself so deeply inside him was possibly one of the most wonderful things he'd ever felt. And then he could feel Kaoru pulsing, his cock emptying itself into the latex barrier between them. Moaning, he clung hard to Kaoru, trembling a little as he whimpered at each movement.

Kaoru panted against Die's throat, carefully pulling out and at least having the mental capacity to remove the condom and reach to the nightstand, wrapping it up in a tissue and setting it aside to be thrown away later. Die lay there, panting quietly, whimpering a bit when Kaoru pulled out of him. It felt almost like he had a gaping hole in his heart when Kaoru pulled out and he couldn't quite understand that. Shaking and breathless, Kaoru laid next to Die, curling into his side. "Aishiteru..." he breathed out, immediately stunned with himself. He didn't know where the sentiment had come from, it had simply bubbled up, though, as much as he could with such an ungraspable emotion, he thought it probably held some truth, at least thankful it had come out in Japanese, half hoping the other wouldn't understand.

Sniffing a bit, Die swallowed and then slowly closed his thighs, curling up on his side and peering over at the violet-haired man. The words that Kaoru spoke... he understood only because his own mother had taught him that at one point in his life. He tilted his head and blinked. Smiling a little, he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to those supple lips before he pulled back and just lay there, staring at him, a happiness in his eyes. Kaoru wondered if Die had understood, reaching to smooth the other's sweat-damp red hair, his eyelids growing heavy. "Mm... I know you didn't blow me, but can I still stay tonight?" He chuckled, snuggling Die close against him, pressed forehead to forehead.

Letting out a breathless laugh, Die nodded, blushing some. "Of course, Kaoru... that was a million times better than just blowing you."

Kaoru laughed at the absurd candor of Die's statement, sitting up and getting the knots out of his hair with his fingers. "I suppose we should get cleaned up and _under_ the covers, then? You have to work tomorrow, right?"

The redhead blushed a bit more before he nodded, slowly pulling himself up, wincing at the slight pain in his backside. That figured. "Yeah... I do. You?" He glanced at the bed and then started toward the bathroom to take a quick shower, mostly just a rinse.

"Nope," Kaoru chirped, in a giddy mood all of a sudden. He talked as he followed Die to the bathroom. "I really mostly work from home, I only go into the office when I'm submitting for our print publication, and I do a blog on our website. I make ends meet with freelance photography and the money I make performing."

Die listened to him, nodding as needed to show that he was for sure listening. Bending over, he flicked on the shower in his mostly-black bathroom, adjusting the temperature and then drawing the curtain so he could flip the little knob over from faucet to removable shower head. He straightened back up and then motioned for Kaoru to follow him into the shower. "Join me?" The look in his eyes was one of deep pleasure.

"Absolutely." Kaoru stepped into the shower and pulled Die to him kissing him slowly. Die stepped into the tub, waiting on Kaoru and then drawing the curtain after the other man. A soft breath ghosted out of his lips when the other kissed him so gently. Flicking his tongue out, he licked at those lips before pulling back just a tiny bit to remove the shower head and start rinsing his lower half. "Mm…” Kaoru hummed, “I can't get over how good you feel... all I've had for the last two years is the sexual equivalent of fast food--in and out. Satisfying, but no nutritional value."

Die laughed softly at the comment and then blushed. "Even with..." he spread his thighs and gestured using the shower head, "this? It really was good for you?" He was still so worried about that.

Kaoru bent down, rubbing away that egg-whites wetness between Die's thighs, helping the water get him clean. "I have to be honest, I'm a little surprised, myself, but..." He looked up, still bent, rinsing Die off. "It's you. Of course it was good." He straightened, kissing Die again. "More than good; it was amazing."

Die gasped, leaning back against the wall and staring down at Kaoru while he washed him off... and out. Those fingers up there felt so good and immediately he remembered why he'd stopped doing anything there. It was an embarrassment to him that the womanly parts of his body felt good. In a way, he felt humiliated that he liked being touched in what he regarded as such a disgusting place. And worse... it _smelled_ faintly of something almost... fishy. And yet, his cheeks were flushed and the sound he let out was that of arousal. When Kaoru straightened up and kissed him, he flushed, completely embarrassed, thighs squishing together. Why... _why_ did life have to be so cruel that he was born with the wrong parts?

Kaoru's brows knit together and he pulled away, slightly. "Does it bother you, for me to touch you there? If it does, I'll stop, it's just--the way I see it, this is the body you have right now, and while you're in it, you might as well use it. I mean, obviously it got you off when I fingered you. Hell, it got _me_ off, but I know some trans don't like using the, ah, how to say this... misrepresentative genitalia, sexually." The last three words sounded almost comical, his already heavy accent, completely incapable of 'l's and 'v's, growing heavier as his body wore down, post-orgasm.

Swallowing, Die shook his head a little. "No... it's just..." He ran a hand over his eyes before starting to spray off more of his body. "Honestly, I’ve avoided touching there most all of my life. The few times I do, it's always just my clit while I pretend...." Explaining this was somehow less embarrassing than actually owning these parts was to him. "I guess I'm really sensitive inside, but I feel like... if I touch there then I'm betraying the fact that I identify as male." He looked sort of confused. "Does that make sense?"

A little nod. "It does, but, baby..." He sighed. "Gender and sex are different. Your gender is male, your sex is female--why am I explaining this to you? Anyway... your body is female, you don't really have the parts yet to have sex like a man would, but you still have urges, it's still your body. There's nothing wrong with that." Die thought about Kaoru's words, the way he explained it kind of made sense. The way he said it almost said that he had no need to feel upset by his body each time it decided he was aroused. That, in a way, made sense. Perhaps more than how he'd been going about looking at it. Kaoru smirked and rubbed Die's clit. "And for clarification, since you're taking hormones, that's your dick, sweetheart."

He let out a little hiccupping gasp when Kaoru's fingers came in contact with his rather large endowment. It was so sensitive lately, had been ever since it had outgrown its little home of being tucked between his pussy lips. Immediately a shock of arousal shot through his body and he clutched harder at the shower head he was holding onto.

Kaoru chuckled, taking the shower head and rinsing himself off. Die relinquished control of it, licking his lips a little and then rubbing a hand over his cheek. He shifted a bit and then shook his head. "I guess I didn't really think of it that way since there'll be a lot of surgery before it'll be... done. You know?" He shrugged a little. "But then again, still having a pussy doesn't help me think about it that way I guess."

Kaoru shrugged, making a quick affair of the shower and then replacing the head, turning off the water and grabbing two towels from the rack, handing one to Die. "Ultimately, you just have to be happy in your own skin. Just because you aren't anatomically male yet doesn't mean you have to be miserable and a nun in the mean time. You've got a functioning pussy that gives you pleasure--contrary to popular belief, I don't think that has anything to do with whether or not you're a guy."

He accepted the towel from the other man, that blush still staining his cheeks. Considering Kaoru's words, he stepped out onto the bathmat and started drying off, gently patting over his breasts and then moving lower, spreading his thighs and gently wiping the water from between his legs. "You don't think it'd be wrong to..." he gestured, "you know... with that part of myself, then?" Die's expression honestly looked more confused than anything. Die's way of growing up had put a lot of emphasis on parts being the defining feature of being a certain gender, so he felt rather out of his element thinking like this.

Kaoru dried off, as well, smiling softly at Die. "Well, baby, I have a very weird view of sex and gender, influenced by a lot of different view points from trans folk and gender benders and even intersex, so I can't say for certain what's correct, if there is such a thing, but whatever makes you happy is perfectly fine."

He offered Kaoru a little smile, looking almost innocent in that moment before he ditched the towel in the hamper in the corner and then padded out of the room toward the living room. He picked up his pajamas off the floor and turned off lights as he headed back toward the bedroom. "Hey... do you want to borrow my other set of PJs?" he questioned softly. He knew some people were uncomfortable with not wearing something to bed.

Kaoru shook his head, pulling his hair back with the rubber band he'd had around his wrist, pulling his boxer-briefs back on. "Mm, I'm fine, thank you, baby." He picked his clothes up off Die's floor, folding them and setting them next to the bed.

Die pulled his bottoms back on and then tugged his top back together, starting to button it up over his breasts. As soon as he was done, he flicked off the bathroom and bedroom lights and then settled down on the bed, pushing the comforter out of the way. Sinking down into the smooth sheets, he lifted a side for Kaoru. "I get up at seven. If you're not awake, I'll just leave you to sleep, okay? If you want to stay, then go for it. If not, then just lock the bottom lock on the door when you leave." He offered a bright smile at Kaoru then, his entire demeanor seeming much happier than before.

Kaoru slid in next to Die, settling himself against him, head rested on his shoulder. "OK. I'm not a morning person, so I'll probably sleep in, but I've got to meet a friend for a late lunch, so I'll be sure to lock up." He nuzzled Die affectionately, yawning. "Mm, goodnight, gorgeous."

Die gave him an adoring smile as he snuggled into his covers, turning over on his tummy and pulling his two pillows close, burying his head into them. "Goodnight," he murmured softly. It took him a few hours, but he managed to fall asleep in time enough to get at least his minimum amount of required rest before his day was going to start.

*

The following morning, Die woke promptly as his alarm clock went off, shutting it off and stumbling through his morning routine, getting out of the apartment as quickly as possible. It was just his normal routine, all done quickly so that he could sleep longer. By the time he got to the door, he could only give one last fleeting look at his bedroom door and remember the gorgeous, forgiving man on the other side. Slipping out the door, Die wore a happy smile on his lips.

When Die returned home, Kaoru had made the bed, a note tacked to the fridge, waiting for him in angular, artfully formed letters. 

_Dai,_ the “i” was dotted with a little heart, __

_Last night was wonderful. Waking up in sheets that smelled like you was even better. I wish every morning could be like that._

_xoxo,  
K_


	6. Chapter 5

Kaoru shot Die a text Thursday afternoon, sitting in a park down the street from his apartment, eating lunch by himself. He couldn't stop thinking about the morning before, waking up in Die's bed, memories of the night prior and of being inside that curious, beautiful body flooding over him. There was no question, Kaoru was hooked and he felt like he'd had some time to think about the sentiment he'd let slip post-coitus: terrifyingly, undeniably, and a little thrilling, it was somehow most definitely true. _Hey sexy. You free Sat?_

It was actually Die's lunch break when he received the text from Kaoru, his phone vibrating in the pocket of his pants. Pulling it free, he peered down at the screen and grinned. Quickly, he typed out a message in return. _You bet your gorgeous ass I'm free. What time?_ Okay, so maybe that sounded a little desperate, but he hadn't been able to get the other out of his mind. So much, in fact, that he'd spent a little quality time exploring certain forbidden parts of himself, convinced that it was on the other's behalf.

Kaoru grinned, feeling strangely nervous that Die would see him as Yuuko, even though he had seen Die in all his actuality. _11-ish. We can have a few drinks after, then maybe go grab pancakes?_

Die smiled to himself as he read the next message, juggling his coffee and sandwich to read it and then reply. _Sounds good to me. I'll meet you there then? And... which way do you want me to show up?_ He meant as a girl or as a guy, but he wasn't sure if Kaoru would understand. Somehow, he could almost see Kaoru wanting him to show up as his female self, but he wasn't sure.

Kaoru stared at the message for a while, sipping on his soda. Well that was unexpected. _Seriously? I wouldn't expect you to do anything that might make you uncomfortable. Surprise me? I wont be able to come out and see you until I'm actually performing._

Die swallowed a little. Well... it seemed only fair that he give a piece of himself for Kaoru when he was doing this for him. _Will do._ He bit his lip a little and then smiled to himself. He wouldn't show up in a dress; that was for damn sure. But maybe not binding in public for once would be kind of freeing. The only problem there was he had to buy a bra. Die pulled a face. Oh... joy.

*

Kaoru showed up at Derrick's around 10, already tucked and with most of his make-up on. He didn't intentionally keep his real self from the others at the bar, it was just nice to not have everyone think they fucking knew him because he worked for one of the local magazines. He went in the back way and started setting out his outfits, greeting the other performers with little kisses to the cheek, all of them calling him Yuuko. At 10:30 he sent Die a text. _You find the place OK?_

Die had walked in the doors at 10:28, checking his phone and then settling in at one of the tables closer to the front of the stage. He was wearing a rather elegant pantsuit combo with a plunging neckline, revealing that he was actually not wearing a bra, nor was he bound. Tucked in his pants, he still had his packer, but that was more for his own comfort than anything else. The little number he was wearing was a shimmering black with silver accents, showing him off quite well. His hair was primped and flowing in silken falls over his shoulders. Even his makeup was immaculate, done with a more feminine touch, lipstick on his lips and a deep glimmering silver over his eyelids. The boots on his feet were stilettos, sleek and black leather. Carefully, he sat, crossing his legs at the knee and ordering a Hawaiian Volcano before flipping open his phone to find Kaoru's message. _I'm in the front right. Don't have a heart attack when you see me. Promise?_

Kaoru was brushing out his wigs, putting the final touches on his makeup and making sure everything was set up so he could make all the changes quickly. _Haha, now I'm curious. OK, I'll try not to freak out._

At 11:05, the hostess came out, a tall, lanky, older drag queen going by the stage name of Karla Summers, welcoming everyone and plugging the bartender before going into her first number; Shania Twain. Derrick's was a hole in the wall by any standards, but the entertainment was good and the patrons were all laid-back people, for the most part, with cheap drinks and a comfortable atmosphere. Kaoru waited for the song to end, his number up next. _Do not laugh. I lost a bet, my first number is horrendous._

Die watched, sipping on his drink, doing his best to allow the girly bits of his personality to shine brighter than the masculine parts given how he was dressed. He was on his second drink by the time Kaoru texted him again and he smirked to himself. _No promises, baby._ Settling back in his chair, he waited, eyes dark as he watched the stage, waiting. Karla took the mic back after her number was done, stuffing her tips into her fake tits. "Alright, y'all, let’s get the night started right with our very own flower of the Orient, Miss Yuuko Kinki!"

Poppy synth started blaring over the speakers and Karla slipped off stage. DJ Mystik’s “Butterfly” went in full-swing in all its bubblegum glory, and Yuuko stepped out. She looked like someone had kidnapped a Japanese high schooler off the streets of Tokyo; big black platform Mary Janes with fuzzy pink leg warmers, short pink plaid skirt, white school uniform top and a pink tie, the long black wig cut with blunt bangs and braided into pigtails. Yuuko pranced out, lip syncing the first few lines with coy, innocent eyes, going to the left side of the stage first, taking a few offered dollars, finally working her way over towards Die. The spot light in her eyes had caused her to miss him when she'd first come out, but now that she caught a glimpse of him, her heart slammed, surprised and... aroused. He... she? Looked amazing. Yuuko batted her fake lashes and skipped to Die's table, mouthing "I need my samurai," trying to keep the grin off her pink-painted lips.

When the song started, Die snorted into his drink, placing it back on the table and leaving it there. It seemed the better idea really. His eyes watched attentively, seeing Kaoru dressed like that really did do something for him. Swallowing, he tried to look at him in a way that seemed a bit more innocent than his thoughts were right then. But that wasn't really possible given how expressive his eyes were. Smirking, he watched as--what did Kaoru say his name was here? Oh yes, Yuuko--Yuuko came skipping up to his table. Die licked his lips a little and gave Kaoru a knowing look, one full of everything he was feeling, including the arousal. Yuuko flashed Die a little grin, pouting cutely and going around the back of the redhead's chair, putting her arms around his shoulders. At the touch, Die pushed back toward Yuuko, eyes dark. A soft laugh, amazingly feminine slipped past his lips before he tucked a five into the other’s palm. Good thing he'd thought enough ahead to find out how things worked around here. "You look fucking amazing," Yuuko growled into his ear before skipping off to collect tips, coming back to the stage past Die’s table at the end of the song, giving him a look that said she was just as turned on as she knew he was. Die gave his lover a burning look before quickly going back to his drink, trying to bury the arousal underneath the alcohol at least for the time being, an almost secretive smirk upon those red painted lips.

A few more performers took the stage, all hitting Die up for tips and obviously all curious who this gorgeous woman was, sitting by herself at the front. From the racial similarity, most of them assumed it was a cousin or some such of Yuuko's. Die was unafraid to tip the others as well, smiling happily as these people didn't seem to judge him in any way. He didn't speak, just offered tips with his un-tattooed hand, keeping that happy smile on his face. 

When Yuuko's next number came up, she didn't slip from between the curtains onto the stage but rather from the back of the bar, and sat herself on top of Die's table, mouthing the first few spoken lines to him of "Ego". She'd flawlessly gone from Tokyo pop into a sexiness befitting of performing to Beyonce, wearing slender black slacks and a suit jacket buttoned over a lacy black bra containing small, perky, expertly faked breasts, a fedora over the black bob wig. Her make-up was darker and more adult this time, having put on a dark nude with gold gloss on her lips and heavier eye makeup between songs, the Mary Janes replaced with classy black strappy heels, press-on nails giving the slim hands a more womanly look. Die almost didn't realize it until the other was sitting on his table, the spotlight partially catching him in it as well. He took the time to look over Yuuko, cheeks flushing with arousal to know that what was under there was all man. Somehow, it made him feel all that much more at ease with who and what he himself was. And this outfit was pure sex; that was for damn sure. 

Yuuko winked at the last line, "And what could be more special than you? You feel me?" before pushing from the table and sauntering around the room. That blush on Die’s cheeks deepened at those last words and then Yuuko disappeared from his table. Almost breathlessly, Die picked up his drink and finished it off with a single tilt of the glass.

Yuuko danced with sexy swings of her hips and shoulder jerks that would have made one doubt her race along with her gender, snapping to the beat, returning to stand by Die to fake belt-out the last few bars, taking a little bow to the applause as the music faded out, taking the stage again and grabbing the microphone to stall for Karla's last number, knowing the older queen was in the back getting ready with that ridiculous headdress. Die had a very hard time not slapping that ass when Kaoru bowed next to him. He wet his lips a little, shifting to cross his legs the other direction. "If you're having a good time lemme hear you say hell yeah, bitch." The crowd answered back, "Hell yeah, bitch!" "Well that's good, it’s been a long week, everybody’s winding down... I've had a long week, who wants to buy me a shot?" She smiled widely; it was far too much fun putting on this outrageous persona.

As the other moved off to the stage to speak, Die paid careful attention the waitress coming to offer a refill for him. He accepted and then put a hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving as he grinned. "And what would the sweet Yuuko want?" he purred out loud enough for Yuuko to hear him. It seemed only right that he buy the shot for her.

Yuuko blinked innocently, smiling, going over to Die's table and playing like they'd never met. "Why thank you, gorgeous... I'll take a shot of peach Schnapps." The waitress went off and Yuuko grinned seductively at Die. "Well aren't you sweet, is this your first time here?" 

Die flushed and then released the waitress, letting her go off to get the drinks. Grinning, he nodded. "It is," he let it slip out more feminine than his usual voice his lover was used to. A smartass as always, the DJ started playing "I Kissed a Girl" softly in the background. Die noted the music, but didn't comment on it, instead staring into Yuuko's eyes attentively, almost seductively.

"We're glad you came out, then, hope you're having a good time. I know the lesbians certainly enjoy you being here." And indeed, there was a table of college-aged girls a few tables over, devouring Die with their eyes. The redhead smiled at the first bit and then glanced over at the next table to see that he was, indeed, being eyed by a bunch of women. That made him feel good in one way and kind of odd in another. "Ooh, I like this song... I'm usually strictly dickly, but you are just absolutely gorgeous, honey. Are you a lesbian? Cuz if you are, I'm 100% girl, and if you're straight, I promise there's a dick tucked in these pants." A laugh rippled through the bar and the waitress returned with her shot which she took between dainty thumb and forefinger, lifting it in a gesture of thanks and throwing it back.

Die’s eyes widened when Kaoru asked if he was a lesbian. Was he supposed to actually answer that? He turned bright red, stammering out something that vaguely sounded like he didn't know. But after a moment, he realized he could be honest here. This wasn't work and these people didn't know him from anyone. Straightening a bit, he boldly replied, "I suppose you could say I'd take you either way." And honestly, that was a true statement now that he knew Kaoru.

Yuuko's eyes blazed fire and a smile graced her lips. "Well, then... thank you for the shot and I'll see _you_ after the show. Everybody please welcome back our hostess every Saturday night, Karla Summers!" Die smirked, clapping politely with everyone else as Yuuko pranced off. He couldn't help but stare at that ass, thinking how nice it was in those slacks. 

Yuuko hurried backstage to let Karla drift out in full Cher ensemble, quickly getting into her last costume. One of the other girls, Shawna, jut her hip out and gave Yuuko a look while the other touched up her makeup and fixed her wig. "What's up with you tryin' to eat that girl's pussy?" 

Yuuko laughed. "That's my boyfriend." Shawna said nothing else. Through the next act, Die sat there, thinking more about Kaoru than anything else, significantly distracted. Honestly, he could think of nothing else but wanting to slam Kaoru down and use that strap-on he had in his drawer on him. But he figured it to be too soon for such things to enter into their relationship. Though, undeniably, he wanted to do it... and the seeping wetness between his thighs was proof enough of it. 

Finally, her last number was up and Yuuko waited as the song began to play Lady GaGa's “The Fame”, stepping grandly through the curtain as the first line started, staying on stage through the first verse and beginning to dance expertly at the chorus. This time, she wore a short straight platinum wig, big gold mirrored sunglasses, strappy gold heels with rhinestones, and a gold jacket that showed off her bare legs, tattoo and all. Seeing Yuuko return in this new outfit, all gold and flashy, Die's jaw dropped a little. Fucking gorgeous. When the chorus started and she began to dance, she threw the jacket open and then off to reveal a pearlescent white outfit that looked a bit like a swimsuit, cut bikini style across her hips with a piece going up over her stomach to a horizontal strip across her breasts that gathered with two ties, tied up around her neck. As the second verse began, she went around the tables, dancing in laps and putting her heeled foot on backs of chairs. Die’s eyes roamed over that body, watching Kaoru work the crowd, getting lots of tips. It put a highly amused smile on his lips as he sipped at his third drink of the night. They must have been giving him extra booze because for sure, he was already light headed, verging on drunk. 

Finally, Yuuko made her way to Die, making Lady GaGa proud, dancing her heart out all over the redhead through the last refrain. When she plunked down in his lap, Die almost couldn't help himself, he almost arched into the touches, almost touched himself. But, no, somehow he managed to behave, blushing deeply with arousal, heart pounding in his chest. Blushing, he whispered softly as the last of the music died, "Want you...." It was so low no one but his lover could hear him.

Yuuko practically ran back stage when the song ended, not wanting the start of a hard-on to show in the skimpy outfit. Die watched him go, smirking to himself as he shifted more against the table, legs beneath it this time. Once back in the dressing room, Yuuko tossed all her things into her bag haphazardly and quickly got into her girl street clothes, light skinny jeans and simple black stilettos, a beaded red bracelet, a black tank top that was cut low, a necklace of three silver chains with larger silver beads spaced along it, and the black bob wig from earlier. Slipping out the side door she went to the bar and got a SoCo Kamikaze, touching Die's arm as she slid to sit beside him and sip her drink, watching the last few performers.

Die had polished off that third drink by the time that Yuuko came back out and moved to sit next to him. He smiled, turning more to face the other, hand coming to rest on his lover's arm gently. "Hey," he murmured, but didn't say much else right then. He wasn't sure that he was capable of giving him conversation when all he wanted was to take that gorgeous body.

"Hey," she replied with a smirk, sitting with Die and sipping her drink, watching the rest of the show with him. By the time the last few girls and the two guest performers were done, she was working on cocktail number two and had her fake nails gently scurrying over Die's knee under the table. Leaning in to be heard over the music, turned up so the crowd could now use the stage to dance, she pressed her lips to his ear. "You look a little drunk. Do you want to stay here a little longer, or should I drive you to an IHOP so we can talk, maybe get some food?"

Die blushed a bit at the comment, turning toward Yuuko, his eyes bright and the contemplation of his arousal actually rather clear on his face. "I think... you should drive me," he murmured, knowing well that there was no way he was driving himself home after this. But he had other plans besides getting some food... Eating... well, yes. But not exactly _food_. And the alcohol was making him just a tad bit more bold than usual. He received a wink and a quick kiss to the cheek. 

"Let me go get my stuff, I'll be out in a minute." She slipped back stage and got all of her things into her big bag, shouldering it and turning off the light at her mirror, coming back out and squeezing Die's shoulder, keys in her hand. "Come on, sugar, I'll buy you some coffee."

Die paid his tab while Yuuko wandered off, sitting there and waiting. When she came back, Die got out of the chair, wavering a bit and then giggling softly, reaching for Yuuko's hand. "Coffee... sounds... good." He grinned.

"Oooh, you're very drunk." Die hadn't really realized how much so until then. But not having eaten dinner probably didn't help him any. Yuuko took his hand and went out into the parking lot, putting her bag in the trunk and keeping the purse with phone, wallet, etc., up front, getting into the Honda and cranking it, driving Die a few blocks up to the IHOP. 

The car ride over was kind of uneventful, Die not having worked up the courage to do what he'd wanted to in the car quite yet. Maybe he wouldn't manage that courage at all, but time would have to tell that.

Getting out of the car and putting her purse in the crook of her elbow, she went around the car to help Die out and into the restaurant, seating them herself and pulling out a cigarette from the purse, putting it between her lips and digging for a lighter. Die settled into the booth across from her, still staring at her glory. Yuuko lit her cigarette, fading back into Kaoru, looking at Die with honest eyes. He knew the other was horny, felt like he could practically smell it off the other. "So," he asked innocently, flicking the ash into the glass tray, the waitress knowing him and bringing out coffee without having to ask. "What did you want to do tonight?"

'Fuck you.' The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't say them. Instead, he ordered coffee for himself and a small burger and fries. Curling up in the booth, he shrugged a little. "I dunno... this has been fun." He smiled, meaning that genuinely.

Kaoru chuckled, ordering peach crepes. "You're sweet, but don't think I can't see how bad you wanna fuck me." He smiled evilly, leaning over the table on his arms, switching to Japanese so the other would feel like they weren't announcing their business to the world. "So I'll ask you again. What do you want to do tonight?"

The coffee cup had come quickly and Die poured himself some from the carafe on the table. Just as he was sipping some, Kaoru told him he could tell he wanted to fuck him. Die choked on his coffee and settled it back down on the table, mopping at his mouth with the napkin. Swallowing hard, he concentrated on the words, puzzling them out: something about asking a second time and what he wanted. Blushing, he ducked his head and then looked back over at him. Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his nose a bit. "I..." his Japanese was too rusty for this, so he just murmured it softly in English, "Go back to my place?" God he felt like a tramp now that he'd said that so easily.

Kaoru nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee, trying not to laugh at Die's reaction. "And?"

Die stared at him for a long time before pulling out his phone and texting him. Sure, he was maybe two feet away, but he just couldn't make the words come out of his mouth. Quickly, he thumbed in the message and hit send. _I want to fuck you into next week... and yes, I mean /me/ fuck /you/._

Kaoru laughed a little that he was texting him, picking up his iPhone and reading it, his insides turning to mush. Quickly, he typed up a reply and hit send. _Good, I've been wanting you to pound my ass since we first met. Make it a marathon night? I really want to fuck your pussy._

Die sat there, waiting, feeling kind of nervous. But when he got the reply back, his cheeks just dusted with arousal and pleasure. _I don't work tomorrow, so I can stay up forever if I want. You should bring stuff for the night._ With that he closed his phone and picked his coffee back up, taking a healthy drink of it before settling it back down and squirming in his seat. Somehow the thought of Kaoru taking him in a way he hadn't ever let anyone else made him squirm with anticipation. At least he knew it wouldn't hurt, having accidentally taken care of that in his youth while doing dance classes.

Kaoru read the reply, setting his phone down as their food came. "I've got everything I need in my bag... Eat up, baby, you'll need your strength." His cock was becoming painfully hard in the tuck and he had to squirm to find even slight relief, unable to look at Die, the very image of him, made up tonight like a sex queen, visible cleavage and everything, made him feel like he would cum in his jeans.

Die sat there, enjoying the way Kaoru was squirming for him. He swallowed and shifted, leaning over, boob peeking out a bit more as he reached for some creamer and then settled back, pouring it into his cup and stirring it with a spoon. "Oh yeah?" He blushed. This would certainly be better than just jerking off with the strap-on; that was for damn sure. Die was more than certain that the crotch of his pants was soaked by now, but right then... he just didn't care.

When his food arrived, Die chowed down on the burger and fries. Kaoru ate quickly as well, willing his dick to calm, otherwise it was going to fucking break off in that position. Die had finished most of his meal before Kaoru was getting up, throwing some money down on the table, not even really caring if Die was done eating; he had to get out of there now. "Come on, let's blow this joint." Die actually laughed, putting in some money for tip and stuffing the last bite of burger in his mouth before stumbling out of the booth and after Kaoru. This sounded like it was going to be a hell of a lot of fun.

As soon as they were in the car, Kaoru fumbled with the tight jeans, opening them and fishing out his cock, letting out a sigh of relief to have it free from bent back between his ass cheeks. Tucking it more comfortably to the side, he started the car and headed towards Die's place. Die just stared at him, watching what he was doing and grinning to himself. "You know, I could help you out with that on the way if you so desired." He was hinting around what he was going to do before but hadn't had the guts.

Kaoru smirked. "I think I might kill us, but... sure. Have at it." He leaned back in the seat and opened his legs, giving Die room.

Die laughed, shifting his seatbelt behind him. "Eh... it'll be a good way to die." With that, he shifted around, leaning over and repositioning himself so that his head was in Kaoru's lap. His fingers pried him back out from his jeans, eyes sparkling as he stared at that magnificent cock. Oh yeah... He grinned and then started licking at it like a lollipop. Kaoru's hips bucked, both hands on the wheel, white knuckling it. He stayed five under the whole way to Die's and went through the city instead of taking the interstate, having to choke Die down on his cock at one point to hide him from a passing police cruiser. Die quite happily sucked him off, not even minding when he was abruptly choked on his dick. Actually that kind of made it more thrilling. When he suspected they were getting close to his apartment, he redoubled his efforts, hoping to make Kaoru cum before they arrived.

Kaoru had to concentrate hard to stay on the road, pulling onto a side street and parking so that he could just relax for a second, and came, panting and heaving, moaning out Die's name. The taste of Kaoru's cum in his mouth made Die moan rather lewdly before he took it all, swallowing like a good lover. He was still lapping at his cock when Kaoru pulled him up and kissed him hard. He blushed and kissed back, smirking as he settled back against the seat. He felt... accomplished... and horny as fuck. He shivered a bit and dipped one hand inside his shirt, rubbing at his nipple, whimpering quietly. God he was fucking horny... too horny.

Kaoru pulled back onto the street and reached across the car, shoving a hand between Die's thighs, chuckling to feel the packer, in complete contrast and contradiction to the soft breasts, and rubbed aimlessly, impatient to get them into Die's apartment and out of their clothes. Die whined, pushing his hips up against Kaoru's hand, head falling back against the seat. Completely opposite of what most people thought, he could derive pleasure from a touch on something that wasn't even really a part of him. It was all about the mental state, the pure thought that it was _his_ cock that Kaoru was touching, that made it feel good. His fingers tugged harder at his nipple, pretty cheeks flushed with the remnants of booze and the purity of his arousal.

Kaoru was shaking all over, about to lose his mind with the ruthlessly aroused man beside him. He couldn't have been happier to pull up at Die’s apartment, practically jumping out of the car and getting his bag out of the trunk, tottering around in his high heels, his entire body throbbing. Die watched Kaoru get out, smirking to himself for a moment before releasing his now tender nipple, readjusting his shirt and slowly pulling himself from the car. Laughing softly, he headed for the door. "XYZ, baby," he murmured as he passed Kaoru, entering the lobby, receiving a very odd look from the doorman. But for once Die ignored it, going straight for the elevator and punching the up arrow.

Kaoru followed him, having no idea what in the hell that was supposed to mean. "XYZ?" he asked as the elevator doors closed and he reached his hand into Die's shirt, rolling the neglected nipple between his fingers.

Die actually laughed then, reaching down and pulling Kaoru's zipper up, careful of his parts. "It means your zipper's down." He chuckled, pecking Kaoru on the lips before reaching behind him and punching the button for his floor. Relaxing back against the wall, he closed his eyes, allowing Kaoru to play with his nipple, enjoying the sensations.

"Fuck... whatever, it's two in the morning, my dick is hard and these pants are tight." He pressed himself close to Die, sucking at his throat, hands coming up with squeeze handfuls of both breasts, tugging at the nipples through the shirt. Die arched into the touches, whimpering quietly as the other groped him. God... Something about Kaoru doing all this groping while he wasn't entirely his manly self, made him even more turned on. If he hadn't still had alcohol in his system, he would have managed to twist that up in all the wrong ways. But right then, he couldn't have given a rat's ass about it. Instead, he pressed close and begged the elevator to either never arrive or do it before he wanted more than was acceptable in an elevator. A moment later, it answered his prayers and the bell dinged, doors sliding open on his floor.

Kaoru ground his leg between Die's thighs and bit down on his neck briefly before pulling away and stepping out of the elevator, waiting for Die to lead the way down the hall. The other whimpered before stumbling away from the wall and out of the elevator. Within a moment, he was almost running down the hall, crashing into his door and fumbling with his keys to get it open. Once inside, he waited, wanting Kaoru back in his contact as soon as humanly possible. Kaoru hurried in after him, throwing his bag onto the floor and slamming Die up against the wall, hands flying all over any part of the other's body he could reach, shoving his tongue into his mouth. Immediately, Die moaned, hands reaching up and grasping at Kaoru's shirt, tugging at it as he kicked the door shut. He whined again, tongue making the dive into Kaoru's mouth, tasting him and the combination of everything the other had had to eat and drink tonight. Somehow, that only made him hornier and soon enough, he had one leg hitched up over the other's hip, grinding himself against Kaoru.

The older man pulled back, rocking his hips against Die, taking the necklace off first and then the shirt, tossing both in the direction of his bag, somehow managing to keep the wig unmussed, his little faked breasts perky and pale in the black lace bra. He'd never done anything like this guised as Yuuko. Something about it heightened the sexiness of the situation ten fold, especially paired with Die looking like a woman tonight. Die watched as Kaoru disrobed, his breathing quick, pulse pounding hard in his veins. God... he could cum just from dry humping like this, he was so fucking worked up. But no... no... he wanted that first orgasm to come from their actual coupling, from his fake cock pushing deep inside Kaoru's willing ass. The thought made him moan rather loudly and almost immediately, he started pushing at Kaoru. "Bedroom... oh please, god... bedroom." Desperate would have been an understatement.

Kaoru nodded emphatically, going immediately to where he knew Die's bedroom was, moving to start popping off his fake nails, and then turned. "Do you want me to... stay? Like this?"

Die followed after Kaoru, stumbling a little in his haste. Dropping down to sit on the side of the bed, he started yanking off the boots, tossing them aside. Kaoru's question caught him off guard and he stared at him for a long moment before blushing and shrugging. "It's up to you." And it really was. He didn't want to make a decision like that for the other.

Kaoru stood there, panting, trying to calm his breath, and his cock, feeling rock hard and in pain for some kind of relief, stuffed into the tight jeans. He watched the boots come off, shivering. "I'm borrowing those, by the way." Die smirked, nodding. Honestly, he didn't mind if Kaoru borrowed the boots or not. Besides, that was the least of his worries at the moment. Kaoru thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I can't wait; it'll take too long to get out of all this." Kicking his heels across the room, he peeled the jeans off himself, his dick outlined clearly in the tight black spandex panties that usually held his tuck, the thin lace panties over that matching the bra. Once he had that off, he sat down on the bed next to Die, reaching to pull at the other's shirt, diving back in to kiss him more.

Kaoru was mostly naked almost faster than Die could have fathomed possible. When his body came into contact with the other, he gasped softly. Quickly, he undid the ties in the back for his shirt, letting it fall loose in Kaoru's hands, ready to be discarded. After a moment, he pulled back from the kiss, quickly turning away, undoing his pants and struggling out of them. Opening the drawer, he put his packer inside and quickly pulled out the strap-on. "You better have been serious about letting me fuck you..." For a moment, he cast an almost worried glance over his shoulder at the other man before shucking the panties he'd been wearing, starting the process of attaching all the little straps to hold on the harness and the fake cock.

Kaoru rolled his eyes dramatically. "Uh, no, I'm just so hard I think my dick's gonna fall off because I like teasing people." Suddenly nervous, he laid himself out on the bed, looking in all honesty like a woman, if it weren't for the hard cock trapped inside his panties. He left them there, wondering if Die would pull them off or just push them aside. Either way, he didn't care, just so long as the other kept his promise and fucked him into next week.

Blushing, Die continued to work, making sure that his fake dick was positioned properly, slowly stroking over it to warm it up. Once it was warm enough, he grabbed a condom and rolled it on, quickly lubing himself. When that was done, he crawled on the bed, running his hands up Kaoru's slender legs, leaning down to nip softly at his inner thighs, the skin there was soft. Slowly, he removed the panties, dropping them to the side as he spread Kaoru's legs further, gently slipping two slick fingers down between his ass cheeks, starting to massage at the bud there. Kaoru spread his legs willingly, putting the back of his hand over his mouth, moaning softly. The earrings clipped to his lobes jingled softly and he worked hard to keep his breathing somewhat normal, feeling like he might pass out if he didn't, the pleasure and anticipation was overwhelming. He was slightly embarrassed when Die's fingers slipped in easily; he preferred to masturbate with toys, loving penetration too much to only allow it when he had a real, living person with him.

Die was only going to push one digit in, but both slipped in, almost sucked in by Kaoru's body. He moaned, shifting over him and pushing them in further, his free hand still rubbing at Kaoru's thighs. His entire body felt like it was on fire, his need more intense than he could have ever imagined it would be. It wasn't long before he pulled his fingers away, wiping them on the sheets before he shifted, attempting to position himself properly against Kaoru's entrance, one hand holding his cock, the other resting on the other's hip. Kaoru's lids fluttered shut and his chest heaved to feel the tip of Die's cock at him like that; he didn't give a fuck if it was fake or not, it was Die's, and that made him ache to feel it inside him. "Oh please..."

Die let out a soft sound at Kaoru's plea. Gently, he started to push inside, pausing a few times to adjust to the way the tight passage curved. Moaning quietly, he pushed in to the hilt and then shifted, leaning down over Kaoru, arms on either side of him as he started to rock his hips. Wetness from his cunt seeped slowly down his inner thighs, making him slick with the obvious representation of his desire. Kaoru practically wailed to feel Die’s dick go in, biting at his knuckles, reaching up and burying his fake-nailed hands into Die's hair. "Oh shit! Ah... fuck me, baby..."

Die was surprised by the response, his eyes dark as he continued to move over Kaoru, alternating between rocking his hips, which gave him the most pleasure, and thrusting almost fully in and out, which he was sure gave Kaoru more sensation. His head moved down, lips finding Kaoru's throat, gently sucking as he moaned softly. Kaoru wrapped his legs around Die's waist, clinging to him, just short of screaming. It felt... amazing. He rocked his hips to match the other's movements, tilting his head to give the other access to his neck, which was outrageously sensitive. Already, he could feel his orgasm close, knowing it would be a real mind-blower.

Die's movements grew more and more frantic, the leather of the harness slapping against Kaoru's body as he fucked him hard and fast. Part of him wished he could feel how warm Kaoru was on the inside, but the other part just imagined it, clinging to it and fucking him as though he could feel it just the same as Kaoru would be able to. His hand snaked down between them, wrapping around Kaoru's cock and starting to jerk him off. Kaoru pulled Die to him, using his legs wrapped around the other as leverage to make each thrust as deep as possible. When Die's hand wrapped around his cock he let out a pathetic moan, requiring only a few pumps before he was cumming, sooner than he would have liked, or expected, having already cum in the car. His back arched so hard the muscles cramped and he felt like he was about to black out, screaming at the top of his voice, " _DIE!_ "

For Die, it was pure bliss to feel the warmth of Kaoru's release over his hand. Amazing... he held this power over him, even without all the ‘right’ equipment. As soon as the other had been milked dry, Die shifted, grabbing hold of Kaoru's shoulders, using him as leverage, shifting his position so that his strap-on was buried inside the other man. Kaoru turned his head, burying his face against the bed as Die finished stroking out his load, panting, feeling tears at the corners of his eyes, the pleasure not subsiding as Die shoved deep into him and gripped his shoulders hard enough to bruise. Back arched, Die began to rock against him hard, the pressure sending tingling ecstasy through his entire body, wave after wave as he felt his inner muscles starting to clamp down hard. 

Shaking, he held his breath, fingers digging in hard as he strove for his orgasm, desperate to get it. One, two, three more rocks and then he was there, crying out as everything exploded. His pussy throbbed, the contracting of his muscles coming in wave after wave, pulsing until he couldn't take it anymore and quite simply, collapsed against Kaoru's body, panting as he shivered with each residual throb his body offered. Kaoru held onto Die's arms and watched him cum, thinking absently that he'd never seen anything so intense and beautiful. When the other collapsed against him, he just laid there and rubbed his back, loving the prolonged sensation of the ever-hard cock still buried in him. Die panted, shivering over and over until he was completely through with his orgasm. Slowly, achingly, he shifted, moving back enough to pull himself free of Kaoru. Flopping to the side, he started to wrestle with the strap-on and the condom, trying to get it to come off, making a little frustrated noise.

Kaoru chuckled and sat up, unhooking the straps and taking the plastic cock off, pulling off the condom and throwing it away. Die was grateful for the help, letting Kaoru do it and smiling lazily. Kaoru set the strap-on aside and pet Die's thigh, leaning down and kissing his stomach, getting a tiny sound out of Die, before standing. “Let me get out of this mess, I'll be right back." Giggling softly, Die watched him wander off. 

Going into the living room, Kaoru grabbed his bag, putting his clothes and shoes into it and returning to the bedroom, pooping off the fake nails and putting them in an empty aspirin bottle to reuse. He took off the bra, revealing the silicon inserts and his chest taped up to create cleavage, pulling the sticky strips from his skin with a wince, removing the wig and the wig cap and peeling off his fake eyelashes before digging out a makeup remover cloth and going to wash his face in the bathroom. When he returned, his face was scrubbed clean except for the little bit of eyeliner left under his deathrot orbs, and his hair was loose, fully Kaoru again. He put his jewelry in the bag and zipped it up, flopping down on the bed and wrapping himself around Die, hugging his lover to him.

By the time Kaoru came back Die had managed to kind of mop up his mess between his legs and clean up where he'd wiped Kaoru's cum. He was waiting, looking rather relaxed, eyelids heavy as he peered over at his lover. Kaoru's fingers found the back of Die's knee and he kissed along the other's jaw, feather light. He loved the way Die smelled, taking big breaths of him through his nose. "I have a confession; I've been watching a lot of straight porn lately." He laughed at himself, touching Die with light strokes along the other's skin, little kisses to his face.

Die found himself arching toward Kaoru, as if his body was still starved for attention somehow. Not that that was all that surprising, given how long he'd been cut off from any contact at all. He blushed a bit at that comment, squirming a little. "Yeah?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru nodded, marveling at the texture of Die's skin and how easy it was for the other to turn him on, and keep him that way. Usually, two rounds and he was down for the count, but even with his body sore from the thorough fucking Die had just given him, he only wanted more. "Uh huh. I know virtually nothing about pussy, I needed to do some research so I felt like I had some idea how to please you. And more importantly, not hurt you."

Die blushed brightly at that, his cheeks actually feeling hot. He reached one hand up, rubbing at them and then licking his lips a little. "You really do want me that way?" He tilted his head, studying the other carefully. Somehow it seemed odd to him that Kaoru wanted anywhere near his pussy with his dick.

Kaoru rolled over on top of Die, holding himself up on his arms, staring down at the other with intense eyes. "I want you any way I can have you. I told you, baby, I want all of you. I meant that."

"Sometimes... I think you're too good to be true," he murmured quietly, reaching up to stroke Kaoru’s hair.

The other laughed, leaning down and kissing in front of Die's ear. "Don't get your hopes up. I'm neurotic, anal, and completely tactless sometimes." He pressed his body to Die, shuddering at how wonderful it felt just to be so close. Die had noticed the tactlessness, but that was fine with him. He could deal with it. He just chuckled a bit and shifted, arching his hips a bit toward Kaoru. "I never imagined being with someone like you... and I don't just mean trans. I never thought I'd ever really meet the guy of my dreams."

"You know... you didn't even look shocked that I could cum without anything down there... I figured you would." Complete change of topic, but Die wasn't sure how to deal with being called the guy of Kaoru's dreams.

Kaoru shrugged slightly, peppering Die neck and shoulders with kisses. "I knew you'd get off. My friend Sita and I had a discussion a few months back about dry humping." His hand slipped between Die's thighs, stroking the pale skin. "And female multiple orgasms. I intend to use that against you, I hope you know."

Die laughed softly and then shook his head. "Seriously, I don't think you can use something like that _against_ me. It's more like... _for_ me, don't you think?" He grinned.

Kaoru growled a little at that, the back of his hand brushing over Die's slit before he started to stroke the juncture of his hips, leaning to gnaw gently at one nipple. "We'll see about that." Die let out a whimper at the brush against his body. His hips arched. God that felt so good. Biting on his lower lip, he just lay there, allowing the attack on his body, welcoming it. Kaoru teased around is lover’s cunt for a while until he started to get hard again, reaching then to stroke Die's lady dick. Die gasped, his body immediately arching toward Kaoru, hips hovering over the bed as he panted. It felt amazing still, every single time he did that. Shifting up on his knees to stroke the other hand up and down the still slick lips, Kaoru dipped his fingers just inside the folds. Die’s thighs parted more, those fingers slipping into his pussy and making him whine rather loudly. 

A pleased grin painted Kaoru's lips and he cocked his head to the side, watching Die's reactions as he slowly found the hot passage and slid a finger inside. Die moaned, hips arching toward him when that finger slid into him. His hands went to the bed, holding onto the covers. "Ahhnnn..." he let out quietly.

Pleased, Kaoru stroked the finger around, wanting to make Die cum before he even thought about fucking him. He stroked the other's little dick with the pads of his fingers and slid the one inside Die in and out, crooking it slightly, then carefully pushing in a second digit. He was so tight, and the texture inside him was so unfamiliar, but alluring, like sodden silk. Kaoru put the hand stroking Die's dick down on the bed and leaned over, kissing and nuzzling his lover's stomach, slowly pumping two fingers into him.

Die trembled, his thighs trying to close because the situation was so unfamiliar and the sensations so much. He whined quietly, cheeks flushed as he shifted around, his body half afraid of the sensations and half thrilled. Eventually Kaoru's fingers brushed past an area that made his hips jerk up and his breath gasp in. He'd read about it somewhere... the G-spot or something? Maybe. His hands fisted tighter in the blankets beneath him. “Ahh!”

Kaoru paused, fingers buried to the last knuckle. "You OK?”

Die panted quietly and then blushed, nodding. "There... that feels... good." He bit down on his lower lip, hips pushing forward a bit more. Kaoru smirked, tossing his hair over to one side and teasing it over Die's breasts, crooking his fingers and rubbing at the slightly textured spot inside Die, spreading his fingers a bit. His lover gasped again, hips arching up further, back straining. Die’s voice echoed off the walls of his bedroom, bouncing back at them. Kaoru kept rubbing there, craning to lick tentatively at Die's engorged dick, pulling his fingers back and carefully trying to see if he could squeeze in a third to that tight, wet channel.

Die whimpered softly, spreading his thighs more as the other started to lick at him. God that felt damn good. That third finger made him feel incredible, heat shooting through his body. He let out another pleased sound, hips rocking. Kaoru swept his hair over Die's skin again, thrusting into his lover a bit more forcefully, biting his lip and peering up at Die. "Baby... cum for me?"

Die whined quietly, Kaoru's words making him want to peak so badly. But he wasn't quite there yet, his body wanted it, but he just needed a little bit more. Reaching down, he pressed against his mound, just above his clit, rubbing there. "S-suck me again," he breathed out, hoping this was the little extra he needed. Kaoru obeyed, pulling the throbbing nub into his mouth and flicking his tongue against it, moaning, his fingers coated in the evidence of Die's lust, thrusting in and out almost harshly. He wanted to feel Die cum, wanted to feel him convulse around his fingers again, really experience what it was like for his lover to find his release.

With that resuming and his own hand rubbing against himself in all the right ways, it didn't take Die long to find his release. Crying out sharply, he arched his hips upward, falling over the edge again, this time with a cry of his lover's name on his lips. Kaoru shuddered to feel Die clamp down around his fingers, to hear him cry his name... he slowed his movements, but continued them until Die stopped spasming around his fingers and had begun to relax. He leaned up slightly and withdrew from Die, sucking his fingers clean before slinking up the long body, cock pressed to the other's hip. "So? How was it?" It had been his first time, after all, and he hadn't the slightest idea if he was any good.

The moment that Kaoru was over him, Die wrapped his arms around him, clinging to him as the aftershocks of his orgasm rippled through his body. All he could do was give a breathless laugh. That was a dumb question. He'd cum, of course it had been wonderful. Kaoru cocked a brow, not entirely sure how to take that response, but pressed on, anyway, fitting himself against Die and pouring hot breath in his ear. "Can I fuck you now?"

Die licked his lips a little and then nodded, clinging to him still. He shivered a little. This... was going to be interesting.

Kaoru grinned, smearing his lips over the other's and simply kissing him for a moment before settling back on his knees between the long legs. "Do, um..." he licked his lips, not sure how to ask such a potentially rude question. "Do you want me to use a condom?"

Die had been told repeatedly that his womanly inner parts didn't work, but that didn't mean flukes couldn't happen. Biting his lip, he puzzled it over and then nodded a little. "Just... to be on the safe side?" He hoped Kaoru wouldn't take it wrong.

Keeping the short wash of disappointment off his face - he'd wanted to feel everything - Kaoru gave a nod and found a condom in the drawer of the nightstand, opening it and rolling it on, leaning over Die and staring down into his eyes. Flexing his cock to steady it, he slid into Die achingly slowly. He hissed, pushing in deep. "Shit, you're tight..."

Die whimpered at Kaoru's hot length pushing against his pussy. It didn't take him long to slide in and thankfully, it didn't really hurt. There was a bit of stinging sensation, but then nothing worse. He just felt... full... oddly full. Experimentally, Die shifted his hips, gasping a bit. Kaoru squeezed his eyes shut, staying buried in Die for a moment. For something that was essentially so similar, this felt so different from being in Die's ass, but just as pleasurable. A groan bubbled up in Kaoru's throat and he gave a slow thrust, hiding his face against the fragrant skin of Die's neck. "Fuck, you feel _so good_." Carefully, he began to rock his hips. Die let out a gasp when Kaoru started to move, his legs coming up to wrap around his lover’s slim waist. Oh god that felt good... so very nice. His head fell back and he let out a long, loud moan to let this be known. 

Kaoru couldn't help it, he thrived on other's arousal. His teeth found Die's shoulder and he started to thrust, slow, but hard, using his full length, gradually going faster. The teeth on Die’s skin made him moan again, squirming under Kaoru. It felt amazing, being filled the way he was. If he was honest, it felt far different from anal... in a good way. Not that he'd ever give up anal, but this was pretty damn nice. Kaoru started to thrust harder, gripping Die to him and rocking back on his knees, pulling Die into his lap, the shifted position pushing him deeper than before. He moaned and held on around Die's waist, jerking his hips up into his lover, watching his tits bounce with an evil grin. The shift in position had Die clinging to Kaoru, his eyes wide and his heart pounding, but the new angle felt amazing. He moaned again, clutching harder, his eyes closed.

Kaoru kept up a steady pace in this position a while before reaching under one of Die's knees, hooking his elbow under it, spreading Die open and allowing him just a little deeper. The other's wetness around him, seeping over both their thighs, turned him on even more, loving to know Die was really enjoying this. His mouth found his lover’s and he kissed him slow, so in contrast to his cock pounding into his lover's tight cunt. Die let out a loud whimper. He felt like he was going to burst, everything inside of him already clenching in preparation for another orgasm. He felt like he had a waterfall between his legs with the way he was so sopping wet, but he couldn't help that anymore than he could help enjoying the fuck out of this.

Kaoru sucked the flesh of Die's throat into his mouth and bit down, bouncing the other in his lap, cocking his hips in different angles to see which one would elicit the best reaction from Die. The redhead made a wide variety of noises, all of them different and then one of them distinctly louder than the rest, his fingers digging into Kaoru. A triumphant smirk smeared itself across Kaoru's kiss-swollen mouth and he persisted with quick, deep thrusts at that angle, panting, his body sheened in sweat. Die's cries came out louder and louder, the sounds more and more desperate as Kaoru continued to move. The older man’s breath was becoming ragged, straining to keep up the pace, wanting so bad to feel Die cum around him, though he was hardly done with the other. No, he intended to bring Die off until his lover begged for mercy.

Eventually, Die started to find his next release, his body clenching down hard around Kaoru, possibly harder than he could have imagined. Die strained hard, his body flushed and trembling. Close... so very close. Kaoru crushed Die to him, pressing close, the other's clit pressed in between them. He was enjoying his perhaps a little too much, always taken on a high to please lovers, their climax essential to him finding his own. That last little bit was everything Die needed and within an instant, he fell over that edge. Crying out, he started to shake, trembling as he lost it. "Hnnngggg!" he shouted, clutching harder at Kaoru.

Kaoru bit his own lip bloody, thrusting a few more times to help Die fully over that edge. "Nn, goddammit, I love making you cum." Pulling out, he tossed Die down on the bed and turned him over, grabbing his hips to pull him up on his knees and slid back in, seating himself fully, his eyes rolling back in his head. Five seconds ago, he thought he could last for hours but something about this position made Die's pussy squeeze around him in all the right ways. Die was almost jelly in Kaoru's arms. Whimpering, he shivered, allowing Kaoru to manhandle him however he wanted. He accepted the new position, happy for it to be something that was easier than what they'd just been in. He let out another moan when Kaoru re-entered his body. God that felt good. Kaoru gripped onto the slender hips and moaned loudly, pulling back before slamming into him.

His fingers pulled Die's hair over one shoulder and he leaned forward, sucking at an earlobe while one hand snuck around to rub Die's clit, wanting to feel the other cum around him just one more time while he reached his end, fascinated that Die could cum in such rapid succession. He could feel Die's hot, wet cunt around his base where the condom was not rolled completely down and he gave a mournful little moan that he couldn't cum inside Die, a huge turn-on for him. Die whimpered at the touch to his clit, struggling to compute what his body was telling him. His spirit was willing, but the flesh was worn, almost aching. He was shaking all over, his mind somewhere on another planet as he stayed there, waiting and hoping on Kaoru's orgasm.

Kaoru felt like his body was crumbling, orgasm starting nearly in his chest, slamming him hard. He gripped Die's hips and fucked him violently, a pained cry leaving his throat as his cock throbbed, emptying into the barrier between them, Kaoru sagging against Die, feeling boneless. Die let out a moan, shuddering and then smiling to himself as he felt Kaoru start to cum, hearing him as he fell apart behind him. Shivering, he collapsed down against the bed, panting quietly.

Kaoru slipped out of Die and collapsed onto his back, gasping for breath, pulling off the condom and throwing it towards the trashcan. He closed his eyes and just laid there, trying to calm down to where his heart didn't feel like it might burst. Die stayed where he was, panting, his eyes closed. After a few moments, he laughed softly. "God... I feel... sated... for once."

A soft chuckle. "Good." Kaoru reached out and pulled Die against him, and as soon as the other was in his arms, a thick wave of unexpected emotion hit him. Much to his surprise, and horror, his shaking hands smoothing over Die's hair, Kaoru began, perhaps for the first real time in more months than he could count, to cry.

Die allowed Kaoru to pull him into his arms. He could feel him shaking and for a while, he thought that was because of exhaustion. But no... then he felt tears and Die immediately looked up, fear in his eyes. Oh no... no no no. Had he done something wrong? He reached up, petting his cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears. "Are you okay? Kaoru?"

Kaoru let out a pathetic sob at the acknowledgment of his blubbering, slapping his hands over his face. "Yes. ...no. I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me, I-" he pulled his hands away from his face, trying to get his shit together. Being unemotional had one decidedly humiliating pitfall; having no fucking idea how to control yourself when emotions butted their way in. "I... after Sueng, I honestly didn't think I'd ever find this again." He couldn't look at Die, was too mortified he was still a trembling, tearful mess. Die watched him, trying desperately to figure out what on earth to do. He felt somehow nervous, scared because he was still naked and with all the emotions in the air, he could see it turning rapidly for the worst if he didn't handle this correctly. Kaoru kept talking and Die listened carefully, his hands still gently petting over Kaoru's face and hair. "Those first two years, we really thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together, but shit happens and I figured, some people never find love, that was probably my one shot, as fucked up and terrible as it ended... but then I met you and now I don't know what to think except that I was not prepared for this," he laughed at himself and the ridiculousness that only he would need to be prepared to fall for someone, "and I think I'm just... fucking terrified because..." He drew in a little stuttering breath, eyeing his phone on the nightstand, finding Die's tactic from earlier rather genius just then. Reaching for it, he opened a new text message and typed it up quickly, selecting "Super Hot Dai" from the contacts before hitting send. He set the phone back down and buried his face in a pillow, anxious for Die to read it and scared of the reaction. 

He watched when Kaoru went for his phone, frowning a bit, but giving his two cents worth. "Kaoru... everyone gets as many chances as they need. It's not like one chance and it's all over. Life doesn't work that way unless you force it to work that way." Which it seemed Kaoru had been trying to make it. His pants vibrated and he understood then what Kaoru was doing. He gave him one last gentle pet before slipping out of bed and digging around, finding his phone and flipping it open. He stood there, his back to Kaoru as he read the message. 

_I think I'm in love with you._

Could one tell that fast? Was it possible to define an emotion that quickly? Die bit his lip. Sure... he was infatuated with Kaoru, loved what they had so far. But he couldn't pinpoint love that quickly, couldn't really return the sentiment in all truth. But that didn't mean he didn't want to be with Kaoru and it didn't mean he didn't want to hear this if it was really how Kaoru felt.

Carefully, closed his phone and then came back to the bed, sinking down in front of Kaoru and then pulling the blankets up closer around them. He reached out one hand, taking Kaoru's in his own. "I think defining something so quickly, so early in our relationship... maybe isn't exactly what we should be doing yet. I mean... Kaoru, please understand. If you feel that way, truly feel that way, then... I'm more than happy to accept such a feeling. But you honestly barely know me. You don't know my annoying habits or the terrible sides of my personality." He reached up with his other hand, phone in his lap, and stroked one cheek gently. "I want to be with you, with my entire being, I desire it. But... don't label something so quickly that you end up regretting having said it one day down the road." He shook his head a little. "But don't you dare get me wrong. I want to do this. I want to be with you and I'm... ecstatic that you’re willing to even try with me."

Kaoru listened to it all, curling up when Die left the bed, shaking, managing only to become more broken up the harder he tried to calm himself. As Die continued, he felt for all the world like he was actually being shut down, rolling away from Die and burying his face in a pillow, crying himself out, so embarrassed to be doing this in front of the other, especially when he felt like he had scared Die off with his sudden declaration. It scared him, too, because he knew it was true. There was just something about the other that made him feel like everything was OK, like he was safe, more than he'd felt maybe ever. At last, he took in a shaky breath and spoke again, his voice soft and deep. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to freak you out, it's just..." He sighed. “After I walked out, I did a lot of thinking, on shit I really don't know how to deal with, I'm usually really cut off from my emotions, but I couldn't get you out of my head. Die, I came back because I knew from the moment we met that you were going to change my life. I wouldn't be here right now if you were just somebody to have fun with, just someone to fuck around with." He clenched his teeth, shutting up, feeling like he was only digging his hole deeper.

Die frowned softly, moving to curl himself up around Kaoru, holding him in his embrace. He was at least surer how to comfort, how to be there for him while he was like this than he would have been in other situations. Gently, he kissed his shoulder, hands ghosting over Kaoru's abdomen. "Then we're going to work on those emotions... we're going to do this together." Because together they could fill one another's voids, hold one another together and certainly piece together certain aspects of their lives much better than they could separately.

Kaoru found Die's hand and squeezed it, hard. He bit his lip, tasting blood, and gave a tiny nod. "God, I'm sorry... I always say something to screw everything up." With a tiny laugh, he realized they'd switched roles from their second date, when they'd first discussed being attached to one another.

Die shook his head. "No... no, you didn't screw anything up, Kaoru. I promise you that." His hands continued to rub over the other's chest and abdomen, gently caressing.

Slowly, Kaoru calmed down, soothed by Die's hands. After a long while, he rolled, facing Die, wrapping around him like a little octopus. "I can't... I can't go back from this. I can't ignore how much you mean to me." He leaned up so kiss Die briefly. "So... you let me know when you catch up?"

Die didn't mind him wrapping himself around him, not at all. He smiled softly, accepting the kiss and returning it gently. Pulling back, he gently stroked his cheek. "You'll be the second to know, Kaoru. That I swear to you."

Kaoru gave him a funny little look. "Second?"

Die laughed softly. "Well, I have to know first."

Kaoru gave a little nod of understanding. Just the other’s arms around him have him ease and it wasn’t long before he was nuzzling comfortably against Die and falling, blissfully, asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

Die sat alone in his dingy once-white cubical at the office where he worked. His eyes were focused on the screen in front of him, the pen in his hand moving delicately over the electronic pad clutched in his other. On the screen, a design was taking shape. It was something almost abstract but with a very earthy feel to it, almost as if he were intentionally shoving two genres of art together, melding them and spitting out the final product. Every once in a while he'd select a color from the little palette to the side and smudge it over one of the shapes, a hint for later. For four hours straight he sat there, body completely unmoving except his hands and eyes. It was almost as if he weren't really a living, breathing human being, but rather some mechanical work-droid. But then the soft sounds of a piano solo issued from his phone and Die was moving instantly. The electronic pad and pen went to the desk and he grasped his mouse, quickly saving his work in two different places and emailing a copy to his personal email. He locked down the desktop and smiled to himself, unfolding from the chair, long legs supporting him as he stretched, yawning a little. It was definitely time for lunch. Pulling out his phone, he made his way to the stairwell of the huge corporate office building, pushing open the metal door with a clang. As he started down the steps, taking them two at a time, he dialed Kaoru's number. It was impromptu, but he thought it might work well anyway. Besides, what fun was a lunch break he spent alone at the same old crappy diner down the street?

Kaoru was exceedingly confused and a little turned around when Die called, breathing a sigh of relief to see the other pop up on the caller ID. Taking his tea from the barista, he answered and headed back out of the cafe, trying to sound not as disgruntled as he actually was, due to real life. "Hey, you. I was thinking about you this morning, what's up?"

Die could hear the little tinge to his voice that told he was a bit upset over something. In a way, he felt odd that he could pick it out that easily, but he supposed it came with the territory of being around someone as much as he had been with Kaoru lately. Plus that whole emotional breakdown thing had really taught him a lot about Kaoru's tone of voice. Still making his way down the stairs, he used one hand to hold the railing, the other grasping the phone against his ear. "Well, I'm on lunch break and I thought maybe if you're free... we could eat lunch together. What do you think?"

Kaoru's heart rolled over in his chest and he smiled, sipping at his tea, heading down the street towards his favorite park. "That sounds wonderful," he hummed, stopping, realizing he should probably head to where ever Die wanted to meet him and not the park. "Where were you thinking?"

He couldn't keep that smile from his face. Good, so Kaoru was willing to meet him. "Hmm... I have exactly an hour. There's either this shitty little diner down from my office or... a less shitty sandwich shop across the street." He pushed out the doors at the ground floor, heading across the lobby, a breeze of red and black in his current outfit. Out the glass doors he went, pausing while he waited on Kaoru's answer in order to know which way to go.

"Ah, diners have too deep an ingrained memory with alcohol for me," he laughed. "How about the sandwich place? I'm actually downtown right now, walking up Rosewood towards the fountains. Where should I start heading?"

Die laughed softly, checking both ways and then darting across the street. "Hmm... let's see..." mentally he made the path from Rosewood to where he was, "Rosewood, just past the fountains, turn left on Clairemont. Up two blocks to Haines and left one to Main. The shop is called Johnny's and it's across from the huge white eyesore of a building that I work in. You know, the structural monstrosity that feels like someone plucked it from fucking Pleasantville."

"Ah," Kaoru laughed. "I know exactly where you're talking about. We call it the Salt Lick." He chuckled again and took a short cut he knew. "See you in a few." 

He chuckled. "Good name for it," he affirmed. "See ya soon." Hanging up, he pushed inside the glass door to the shop, immediately heading to the line, waiting his turn and then ordering pastrami on rye, a fruit cup, and large strawberry Fanta. Bad for him, he knew, but damn good all the same. It took Kaoru less than five minutes to get there, pulling open the door, still holding his tea, only a few sips left in the cup, pushing up his sunglasses and spying Die with a smile that he hoped wasn't as telling to how instantly seeing the other made his heart melt as he thought it was. No sooner had Die settled into his chair with his meal than Kaoru entered the shop. He lifted a hand to wave at him, smiling from the back corner.

Kaoru winked as he got into the line, only one person in front of him, and went ahead and ordered, getting a roast beef on sour dough with a little side of macaroni salad and a bottled water, settling down across in the little booth from Die. He pursed his lips, adjusting his sunglasses in his hair, pushing his bangs back with them. "Nihongo wa ii des', ne?" He made a little self-conscious face and shrugged, continuing in his preferred language. "I'm having one of those days where I hate my accent."

Die was almost surprised to have Kaoru speak to him in Japanese. Fortunately, he understood what the other said. Nodding a bit, he swallowed the bit of sandwich he'd had in his mouth. Carefully, he puzzled his way around an answer and then provided it. "Hai, ii des'. Yukkuri itte, kudasai." He offered a sort of embarrassed smile.

Kaoru grinned, wondering if Die's Japanese was just rusty and needed some use to be fluent. "Mm, I'll try and speak slowly... no, but, there was a little boy with his mother behind me at the cafe," he shook his near empty tea, "and when I ordered, I heard him start going 'Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese'," he gestured towards, but did not actually pull at, the corners of his eyes, "you know? It just made me feel... ugh! I always feel like I sound like a cartoon rice farmer when I speak English." He shook his head and unwrapped the sandwich, trying to shake off the lingering discomfort. "Anyway... how've you been?"

Die stared at Kaoru as he explained. Frowning, he shook his head. "His mother should have told him to shut up... and if he were raised properly, he wouldn't have said it in the first damn place." That all came out in English before Die blushed. "Ah... gomen ne." He took a long drink from his soda and then tried again, this time in Japanese. "You shouldn't take people to heart like that." Like he was one to talk. 

Kaoru laughed a little. "Oh, she nearly jerked his arm out of place." He took a bit of his sandwich and gave a little nod that he shouldn't take such things to heart, but he'd had a history of it and it still stuck in his ribs. 

"But... I've been okay,” Die continued. “Staring at a screen at work for four hours straight, so I have a migraine, but other than that, I'm doing a hell of a lot better seeing you." He smiled sweetly.

Hearing that Die was better seeing him made Kaoru blush. "Mm... it's good to see you, too." He felt his cheeks go hot and he had to shut up and eat for a while so he wouldn't sit and grin like an idiot. "Oh, I... this might be an odd question, and you don't have to answer, but I've been curious. What's your real name?"

Die sat and ate on his sandwich, occasionally forking a piece of fruit and bringing it to his lips to munch on. He loved fresh fruit, possibly about as much as he loved giving head, and that was saying something. A few more bites of sandwich and then Kaoru spoke up. Die canted his head a bit and then smiled, laughing. "Legally? Daisuke." He wet his lips a bit and looked at a strawberry as he forked it a few times. "Originally, Dai." It wasn't a common girl's name, but it was one nonetheless. "I'm not even sure why I legally changed it, but it felt... easier. And I go by Die because that's how everyone spells it here anyway and plus, I mean, what kind of opportunity to pass up was that?" He grinned.

Kaoru tilted his head. "Oh? I've always spelled it..." He quickly pulled up his recent calls and showed it to Die, realizing he'd also shown him the "Super Hot" part. "I'll change it..." he murmured, holding back a smile as he quickly edited the contact information. 

Die peered at his phone, arching one finely plucked eyebrow at the 'super hot' bit. He smiled. "Either way is fine. You actually spelled it right." He laughed. "It's everyone here that spells it wrong anyway."

Kaoru set his phone back down, nodding and then finishing off his macaroni salad. "I think you made a good point the other night; that I really don't know much about you, so... why don't you give me an overview? Fill in some of the blanks."

Die took another bite of his sandwich and then popped a strawberry into his mouth as he listened to Kaoru. "Hmm... well, what all do you want to know?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't know... I'm terrible at this whole 'getting to know each other' thing. Hmm... if there were five things about yourself you thought someone had to understand about you in order to really know you, what would they be?"

Wow... that was a hard one. Die sat, pondering, poking at his fruit and occasionally eating a piece. "The first one you know more intimately than anyone else." He tilted his head a bit. "Second, I think would probably be that I have always - and hopefully will always - work for places like this advertising agency. I love creating art, but my knowledge of actual artists and whatnot is kind of limited." Three long pulls of strawberry Fanta later and he settled the cup back down on the table.

Kaoru shivered at the first one, perfectly remembering how Die's body felt against, and around, his own. At the second, he smiled. "I like that about you. Most of the other artists in this city are air-heads or obnoxious psuedo-intellectuals with little real soul to their work." He shrugged a little. "Not that _I'm_ great, but at least my photos are honest."

Die smiled softly at that, glad that someone didn't find it to be a detriment to his work. "I'll show you my stuff sometime... it's all over the place. Some people think I've sold out because I work for the corporate wagon, but I think they can kiss my ass. I do what I feel comfortable doing and just because someone puts it on napkins doesn't make it any less of an art form."

Kaoru nodded, pretending like he hadn't web-stalked Die a little and already seen some of his work. "I think it's interesting, the whole corporate fusion... besides, you obviously have a very stream-lined, clean aesthetic, which is best for that kind of thing. You're using a very... unique and commonplace outlet, with a specific agenda to each piece, it's hard to do. Honest-to-God commissioned artists are rare these days, and it's truly a talent to create something good from inspiration someone else has picked for you." He took a drink of his water and played with the ends of his hair shyly for a moment. "And the other three?"

Die was honestly surprised. Not many people managed to pick up on his work that effortlessly. Everything Kaoru said seemed so very much like he was inside Die's head, like he understood to a depth that Die had thought himself only able to do. In that, it was obvious to him that Kaoru had already seen part of his work. But he didn't mention it, just smiled and nodded. "I try," he murmured softly, finishing up his fruit. "Hmm... well... I try to take culture seriously, to know what I can, but like I said, I was raised to mostly fit into this one. But that doesn't mean I'm clueless on Japanese culture, just that I'm a bit... slow on the uptake sometimes." He poked his sandwich remains and then left them there. "I'm kind of a neat freak... and hmm... I am allergic to cats."

Kaoru’s hand slipped across the table and rested against Die's wrist, listening, giving a gentle grin. "Mm, I'll keep that last one in mind." He stroked the ball of Die's wrist gently before pulling away again, seeing as they were in plain view and right outside Die's office where anyone he worked with could see him.

"I'm okay if the cats are washed... it's the dander." He smiled at him, crossing his legs, enjoying the touch, but when Kaoru pulled back, Die tilted his head a bit, giving him a questioning look.

Kaoru pointed behind himself, the simple movement exemplifying the effortless grace he had, so unbeknownst to himself. "You work right across the street. I don't want to out you on accident." He gave Die an apologetic look that said he wished he could keep touching him, hold his hand, maybe.

Die blushed a bit and then shrugged. "They can't fire me for it and it's not like anyone in the office talks to me anyway." Rather bluntly, he reached across the table and grasped his hand, linking his fingers with Kaoru's.

Kaoru licked his lips, smiling. "Do you want to take a walk?" There was still half of Die's hour left, give or take, and the sculpture garden where they'd shared their first kiss was only a couple blocks up the street.

Die smiled, taking a last long swig of his soda. "Sure, that sounds nice." He got up, tossed his trash in the bin and then came back, offering his hand.

Kaoru stood, slipping his hand in Die's and heading down the street, pulling his shades back down over his eyes. "It's really nice out, today," he commented, giving Die's fingers a little squeeze, the feel of the other's fingers laced in his own putting a soothing sense of calm through him.

He smiled happily as they left the little shop. "It is... clear day." For a while he let them simply walk like that, but then he shifted closer, his arm slipping around Kaoru's shoulders, wanting to hold him closer.

Kaoru hummed happily, leaning into Die and putting his arm around the other's waist, looping around the museum to the garden, a dozen or so people milling around it. "Sorry to be so predictable, but this is one of my favorite places in the city, not to mention, a lot of the originals of the classic replicas were meant to be displayed in open areas, and seen in sunlight. I like viewing them in their intended ambience." He grinned up at Die, strolling slowly, letting the other move to lead should he want to continue on down the street or something.

Die chuckled softly. "It's fine... this is actually enjoyable, kind of knowing where we're going." They continued along for a while before Die rubbed over Kaoru's arm a bit. "Hey, so I think you owe me five things about you now, Kaoru. It's only fair!"

Kaoru leaned his head on Die's shoulder, humming. "Well, I think you already know them, I'd guess. I mean... first, my family and my culture are extremely important to me. Ah, let's see... I consider myself a photographer first, writer second, but I've never been able to really work doing just the photography. I love art, thrive off it, same goes for music, even though I'm not a musician, myself, and..." He thought for a moment, trying to decide the final and fifth point. "I'm loyal. If someone or something means enough for me to even give it any notice, I stand by that."

Somehow that last one made Die really happy. He paused, not really caring that they were out in the middle of public, turning and pulling Kaoru to his chest. Pushing one hand into his hair, he tilted Kaoru's head and then gently placed a kiss on his lips, feeling warm inside for feeling such conviction when he did it. Kaoru softened into the kiss, putting both arms around Die's waist. It felt so, so good to have just tenderness offered towards him, especially from someone he cared so much about. Die kept kissing him for a few moments before he pulled away, stroking his cheek for a moment and then grinning, starting to walk again.

Kaoru bit his lip, hugging Die's side, walking with him with a little sigh. "We should probably start heading back. I don't want to make you late." He sounded a little disappointed, wanting to spend more time with him, but really, he felt more than pleased to have this simple moment. It felt... like a real relationship.

Die didn't really want to admit it, but they really did need to start back toward work. After a moment, he just nodded. "Yeah..." but he didn't say anything else, just held onto Kaoru, his arm around his waist now, looking content. This was what a relationship was supposed to be like, wasn't it?

Kaoru turned them down the next street, heading to double back around to Die's building. He left the silence there, happy that it was comfortable, before finally speaking again. "Baby, how athletic are you?" It was an odd question, so he had to elaborate. "There this national forest about forty minutes outside of town. I was thinking, if you're free, maybe we could go hiking Saturday? Take a lunch, eat in the woods. There's this huge oak tree fallen over the river at the midpoint of the trail, way down in the forest, it's perfect to sit for a while."

Die tilted his head at the question, unsure what Kaoru was asking until he expanded on it. "Hmm... well, I'll have to go buy a sports bra, because I don't think doing that in binding would be... smart." He laughed softly and then looked a bit excited. "Are there fish in the river?" Fishing was one of Die's favorite things to do.

Kaoru giggled. "I'm tempted to go buy one for you." He raked his teeth over his bottom lip, nodding. "There are, but you'd have to get a fishing license if you wanted to try your luck hooking any. I have no clue how to go about doing that, though. I think I'm decidedly more girly than you."

Die laughed softly. "How about I make you a deal. You get me a sports bra and I'll get you the two day permit for fishing. I have mine already... get it every year. And frankly," he leaned in almost conspiratorially, "bra shopping is freaking scary."

The sound of ringing bells split the air as Kaoru laughed. "Alright, that sounds fair, though I'm a really terrible fishing buddy. However, I'm sure the drag queen in me will have a bit too much fun bra shopping. If I end up bringing you ten in fabulous colors, forgive me."

“And if I buy you tons of fishing gear, forgive me." He grinned and shook his head a little as they walked.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, then pursed his lips, hesitantly bringing up a subject that honestly made him a little nervous. "When is your surgery, exactly?"

Die glanced over at him and then sighed softly. "Honestly... I haven't set it up yet. I have another check-up next week and if all's well there, then I guess that's about when they'll want to make the appointment."

A tiny nod. "I don't like hospitals, it makes me nervous thinking about somebody taking a knife to you... I mean, I understand, I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, just... well, I get the impression your brother is really the only close person to you, and you deserve to have somebody there for you. I want to go with you, I'm kind of a control freak, if you haven't noticed, so I'd feel a lot better if I was there. So long as this isn't something you specifically want to do alone, I want to be there with you, for the consultation and the surgery."

Die tilted his head, pausing his steps, more than willing to be a few minutes late to discuss this with Kaoru. Biting his lip, he deliberated for a few moments before nodding. "Well, it's a clinic for the consultation at least... and the surgery has to be a hospital, but... it would be nice to have someone along with me... just in case... you know?" He was honestly surprised that Kaoru wanted to come with him.

Kaoru slipped his hand down, threading his fingers in between Die's. "Yeah... I couldn't just sit at home and be worried."

"Then come with me next week. It's on Thursday at nine in the morning. Just show up around eight to my place and we'll go." He smiled softly.

Kaoru nodded, heading around the corner, just a block down from Die's building. "OK... as for this weekend, I guess maybe around ten, you could meet me at my apartment? We'll leave from there and you can crash with me, if you want." He blushed, ducking his head. "Besides, I sleep really well when you're beside me."

Die grinned. "Alright. Will do. I'll bring an overnight bag to leave there." He squeezed his hand a bit and then leaned over to peck his cheek. "I like having a heater in bed with me." He smirked at him.

Kaoru blushed darker, stopping two buildings down from Die's office. "Well, I guess I should let you get back to the corporate grind," he offered with a smirk.

Die turned to him and smiled softly, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek again. "So... I'll see you this weekend then."

Kaoru grinned and nodded, backing away with a wave, and promptly tripped over a crack in the sidewalk as he made to turn, stumbling and laughing at himself, waving more emphatically back at Die, now the color of the other's hair. "Ah, yeah, see you this weekend."

Smirking, Die waved to Kaoru, shaking his head as he blew a kiss in his general direction and then headed off toward his building, feeling that much better about the day.


	8. Chapter 7

Kaoru got his blogging for Morbid Black Light done early, leaving Friday free to prepare for his and Die's little excursion. He hiked fairly often and had rather mastered the essentials. Heading to Target, he turned his weekly shopping trip (the local store was thankfully one of the super stores, with a full grocer) into prepping for their hike, grabbing a case of bottled water, sunscreen, bug spray, trail mix and other little snacks and fruits, getting a hiking backpack for Die, not sure if he had one, himself. Once all that was done, he started towards the clothing section of the store, finding women's lingerie and the sports bras in between there and the workout clothes. He really wasn't thinking about it, holding a few up to see which size might fit Die, who was a bit broader chested than he was, until he started getting funny looks. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed three different bras of different cuts, hoping at least one would fit his lover appropriately, and headed to the check-out. Once home, he got everything ready, setting his backpack and a few shopping bags of other assorted things by the door, jumping into the shower and heading to bed early.

Die, on the other hand, plodded through the rest of the day Thursday and went home, almost dead tired. He woke again the following morning to repeat the process from the day before. Only this time, he had no Kaoru to make it better. During lunch break, he went to the local game and fish store, picking up the license for Kaoru and some fishing supplies for them both. That night it was almost worrisome for him, his mind refusing to shut up and turn off for hours. Finally, he resorted to slipping a hand down between his legs and solving the most pressing problem of his intense arousal. Almost an hour slipped by before he was satisfied enough to slip off to sleep, his body completely and utterly limp.

Kaoru was dressed and ready by nine-thirty, all the needed gear for the day trip double checked, he in cargos and a tight black t-shirt and his worn, old hiking boots, his hair pulled back in a high ponytail. Die got up early, ensuring he got up, showered, packed, and then off toward Kaoru's apartment. He pulled into the parking lot, grinning when he saw Kaoru at his car, loading the trunk of his Honda. Kaoru waved, smiling, the day ahead of them and the gorgeous weather putting him in a stellar mood.

Today, Die was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a white tank top, boots and thick socks. But, for now, he had a light jacket on over the tank, concealing the fact that his nipples would be showing if not. Getting out of the car, he smiled and waved at Kaoru. "Good morning!"

Kaoru lifted the case of water into the trunk, smiling, going up to Die and tucking his hands in his back pockets in a sort of shy gesture. "Morning. You got anything you need to throw in the trunk while it's open?"

He nodded a bit. "Yeah, hang on." Opening his own trunk, he got out the fishing supplies, some trail mix, some water of his own, a roll of toilet paper, and some sunscreen. Moving it all to Kaoru's trunk, he then closed both and made sure his car was locked up. "So... have a bra?" he asked kind of shyly.

Kaoru waved him to follow. "Yeah, come on up. There's still some stuff I need to grab, anyway." He headed back towards his building of the complex, jogging up the stairs. Die followed him up, not even thinking about it and jogging up behind him, boobs bouncing around as he did so. By the time he got inside Kaoru's apartment, he was laughing softly. "Dude... this is why a bra is a good thing!" 

Kaoru opened his apartment and grabbed the bag with the three bras for Die and handing it to him. "I got you a backpack, too, I didn't know if you had one." In his head, he tagged on _I hike a lot, so now you'll have one for_

 _when we do this again_. Sueng had never wanted to go out on his little trips with him... on Kaoru's list of perfect boyfriend, 'hiking buddy' was fairly high on the minor qualities section.

Die grinned, taking the bag and disappearing further into the apartment, not even thinking about it as he pulled off the jacket and the tank top, starting to dig in the bag.

Kaoru snickered, at a number of things; first, the use of the term "dude", thinking to himself _oh, my little American_ , second, Die's bouncing tits, to which he replied, "You know, I think I'm going to miss those," and third, Die taking off his top, revealing said breasts, which still made Kaoru's heart jump into his throat to see such an example of sensual, female beauty of his decidedly very male boyfriend.

Die extracted the first bra, trying it on around his frame, finding it to be a nice fit. Carefully, he pulled off the tags and put them in the bag before rearranging his tits in their new shelf. He paused, reaching to pick up his tank top. 

Curiously, he tilted his head at Kaoru. "You really will?" because there had been one thought nagging at Die ever since Kaoru had come into his life.

Kaoru shrugged, smiling at Die from where he stood beside the door. "Maybe just a little." He was going to point out that Die was not passing today, with the bra and boobs obvious under the white tank, but thank god he actually caught his loose tongue and didn't blurt it out.

Blushing a bit, Die picked up his jacket, holding it close. "Well... you know... there's always other surgeries that could go first... if you like them that much." Honestly, that alone should have told Kaoru that he actually considered Kaoru to be a very integral part of his life, even so soon.

Kaoru's eyes got as big as saucers. "B-baby..." he laughed nervously, "sure, they're great, but this is important to you! All the other stuff, nobody but you and me could see, but the chest reconstruction... you could pass so easy after that, not to mention you won't have to bind anymore, and that's gotta make you so sore." He shook his head, opening the front door and handing Die his backpack, already stocked with a bag of trail mix, some Band-Aids, a bottle of water, and a strawberry Fanta (his own little 'See, I notice what you like'). "It's about what makes you happy, anyway, lover, not me."

Die listened to him and then bit his lip a little, nodding. "It's true... and binding really is painful, but... I'm willing to give something in return for having you, Kaoru." He smiled softly at him, accepting the backpack from him. He reached up, running one hand over his arm, pausing to lean over and kiss him gently.

Kaoru reached up and put a hand on the back of Die's head, kissing him hard, but short. "Die... sometimes you say the craziest shit." He pulled him out of the apartment, locking the door. "That's a kind of compromise I never want you to make for me, OK? You being happy, and with me, is all I really ask." He put his hand on the small of Die's back with a little smile, heading back down the stairs. "Though," now seemed a little more appropriate to point out the obvious, "you know today you look like my girlfriend, right?" He winked slightly, unlocking his car with the remote.

Die blushed a bit, very much aware of the fact that he said some crazy shit sometimes. It was a portion of his personality that Kaoru had to learn. He smiled happily as he passed him, bouncing slightly in the hallway. 

Coincidentally, the shelf his boobs were now resting in was bouncing with his movements. After a moment, he stopped and then laughed. "Well... yeah, I know. But like I said, binding would fucking hurt today. So... for today, you can call me your girlfriend." He laughed softly.

"You are too goddamned precious," Kaoru chuckled, opening the car door and taking his ashtray out, dumping it in the trash can on the sidewalk before replacing it and getting in. "Alright, tiger, you ready to head out?"

Die followed him out of the building and to his car, watching him dump his ashtray out. Once Kaoru unlocked his side, he smiled and popped into the car. He nodded at Kaoru. "You know, I like that you call me tiger." Smirking, he continued, "I _am_ a tiger, you know."

"Oh, honey, I'll call you whatever you want," Kaoru teased with a wink. "Really? Me, too." Kaoru backed out of his space and headed towards the interstate. Lighting a cigarette, he opened the sunroof, leaning back in the seat. "I'm really glad the weather held out, it is such a nice day to be doing this. Thanks for coming along." Die beamed at him, laughing softly, settling back in the seat and then fiddling around in his pockets, finding his own smokes and lighting one as well. He took a few drags from it as Kaoru spoke. Kaoru put his hand holding his cigarette on the wheel for a moment to reach for Die's with the other, bringing it up to kiss the back of it. "I was going to go by myself, but this is much nicer."

Allowing Kaoru to lift his hand, Die blushed a bit at the kiss to it. "It's always more fun with someone, you know. And we're gonna see how much of a hiking buddy I can be." He shot him a grin before taking another drag.

Kaoru dropped his hand to drive while he finished smoking, smiling at Die's comment. "So, apparently I'm obvious. I met my best friend Sita for coffee the other evening, and she asked me who I was seeing and why in the hell I haven't told her yet."

Die laughed softly. "Oh?" Shaking his head, he continued to smoke his cigarette. "I don't know if I'm obvious about this or not. But... probably."

"She said I'm glowing and I might as well be carrying around a sign that says I have a boyfriend now." He laughed, flicking ashes out the window. "So, she grilled me about you, and chastised me for not having a picture. I assured her you're gorgeous."

Die smirked at him. "Well... next time I'm bound, take my picture on your phone or something, yeah?" He smiled softly at him, finally finishing his cigarette and putting out the butt in the ashtray.

Kaoru chuckled. "How about a shoulders-up photo?"

He considered it and then nodded. "Alright, that'll work. Maybe take it with a fish I catch today." He smirked at him.

A wry grin. "Confident, aren't we?" He snubbed out his cigarette and took Die's hand again, propping his left foot up on the dashboard and bracing his arm on his knee, driving with that hand. His fingers rubbed at Die's palm, a soft smile on his lips, The Cult's "Sweet Soul Sister" playing softly from the speakers, having turned on automatically in the CD player when he'd turned the car on.

Die laughed softly. "Hey, I've never been fishing where I didn't catch at least one tiny fish." There was always a first time for everything, but he didn't think that would happen. Shifting, he watched as Kaoru rubbed at his palm. 

Something about the way Kaoru touched him was so... sexual. Nothing that Kaoru did to him had a charge that was anything except that to him. Blushing faintly, Die looked out the window at the passing scenery.

Kaoru stayed quiet for most of the drive, taking the appropriate exit and starting down the backwoods highways towards the forest. "Sorry to drop this on you now, but I wasn't sure if you'd agree to this if I'd told you before; the trail is about eight miles. Think you can handle it?" He grinned, giving Die's hand a little squeeze.

He bit his lip a little and then nodded. "I will certainly try." Honestly, he was sure he could do it, even if he spent all of Sunday in agony for it. Besides, they would have a break when they fished, so that would make it easier.

Kaoru pulled Die's hand into his lap, smiling. "Good, you're a strapping young boy, you'll make it." Bauhaus' "Bela Lugosi's Dead" started playing and Kaoru started to chuckled, pulling around the big curve past the church before the turn into park. "God... I got my first blowjob to this song."

Die grinned at him, thinking better of telling him he could get another one to it if he was so inclined. Instead, he chuckled. "Is it a good memory?"

Kaoru let out a pleased hum. "Oooh yeah... I had the biggest crush on him, he was like... the prince of the Goth scene in our area, so I felt so special he had noticed me." He heaved a deep sigh. "But, he broke my heart... he didn't want much else but creature comforts. Still, it's a fond memory, coming of age and all that."

Die listened, nodding a bit and then envisioning some cute Goth guy giving Kaoru head. Almost immediately his body reacted and blushing a bit, he moved to get out of the car. "It's good that it's a nice memory at least."

Kaoru offered a little nod and got out, popping the trunk and putting a few last things in his backpack. He'd parked in the after-hours parking lot, knowing they'd be here until after the visitor's center - about a half mile walk away - had closed. Several other cars were in the gravel lot, including a Jeep of college guys unloading kayaks that weren't being too discreet about checking Die out. Kaoru grit his teeth, feeling jealousy well up in his chest, shoving another bottle into his backpack a bit more forcefully than was needed.

Die opened his backpack and put in some water and some of the stuff he'd brought as well before attaching the fishing gear to his bag and then hitching the pole diagonal across his back. It fit fairly well. The entire time, he remained completely oblivious to the fact that he was being checked out, not even really thinking about it as a possibility.

Kaoru, feeling juvenile for being angry, but unable to deny he was, looked at Die, digging out some sunscreen, and practically bit out, "Kiss me."

Die stared at him, wondering what on earth was going on with him. But he didn't mind kissing him, so he just moved closer, gently cupping his cheek and then leaning in to press his lips to Kaoru's. Gently, he slicked his tongue across his lower lip, feeling happy inside.

Kaoru grabbed Die's arm gently, giving a soft moan at the feel of Die's tongue, pulling away. "Thank you... those tools over there are staring at you like you're a piece of fucking meat." He closed his trunk and locked the car, putting his keys in the backpack and his phone in his pocket, squeezing out some sunscreen into his hand and then setting the bottle on the trunk by Die, rubbing the lotion onto his tattooed arms.

Die's eyes widened a little and he glanced over toward the college guys. Oh... well then. He bit his lip a little and shifted. "I didn't even notice." Trying to shrug it off, he just rested against the edge of the trunk with one hip. He'd already put on sunscreen, so he just watched Kaoru slather it on his body, eyes pleased.

Kaoru put the lotion back after putting some of his face and spritzed himself with bug repellent, gesturing for Die to hold his arms out so he could put some on him. "Well, they are... and it's kind of pissing me off." He canted his eyes to glare over at the guys, still casting glances at Die with obvious lust.

Obediently, Die held his arms out and waited on Kaoru to finish spraying him with the bug spray. That, he had forgotten. After a moment, he cast them another glance and then sighed. "I should tell them there's a dick in my pants. Then they'd stop looking." 

Kaoru couldn't help it. He burst out laughing, nearly doubling over, managing to put the bug spray back in the bag and sling the backpack over his shoulder. "Come on, sexy, let's get started." He took Die's hand, leading them through the parking lot and then dropping it when they got onto the half-mile trail through the woods to the visitor's center. He hadn't meant to be funny, but honestly the fact that Kaoru laughed about it made him feel better. Mood lightened, he bounded off with Kaoru, looking around like a child. When they arrived at the visitor's center - a modern-looking redbrick building with small museum-like exhibits about the forest ecosystem, and a little gift shop with books, stuffed animals, hiking guides, and maps. On the other side of the building was a bathroom, and beyond that, the main trail started, splitting off into several other trails through the large forest - Die peered toward it. "Can we go inside for a minute?" He had a little National Parks Passport book and he hadn't stamped this one off yet and wanted to.

Kaoru nodded. "Sure. I was gonna grab a map, they make different off-shoot trails throughout the season, and I'm going to use the restroom real quick. You probably should, too. It's not that pleasant in the woods." Die nodded. That made sense. Plus having to squat and pee in the woods sounded... more difficult than he thought necessary. Kaoru headed into the air-conditioned building and then winced, realizing he should have stopped at the gas station a few miles back with the unisex bathroom instead, as now Die had to use the women's bathroom. Sure, he was pretty obviously female today, but still.... 

Following behind, first, Die headed for the gift shop, pulling his little passport out, using the stamp in the corner to mark his book. Smiling, he tucked it back into his wallet and then glanced around the shop. There was a cute white stuffed bear that he picked up and fondled for a moment before putting it back down. Boys were not supposed like stuffies. Traipsing back out of the gift shop, he headed straight for the men's room door. A man came out just as Die was about to go in.

"I think you want the restroom over there, young lady," he older man drawled out, his accent rather Southern. For a moment Die gave him a dumbfounded look and then his eyes widened. Oh... right... the boobs. He blushed and nodded. "Ah, right... sorry, sir!" Turning on his heel, he damn near bolted for the other restroom, fishing pole and backpack bouncing as he rushed into the women's room.

Kaoru slapped his hand against his forehead, groaning at the exchange. "Poor baby," he moaned, poking around the shop for a bit while he chatted to one of the park guards, then popping into the restroom for a piss, coming back out and looking around for Die.

By the time Die had wrestled around with the fishing pole, backpack, packer, and jeans it had been about ten minutes. Feeling incredibly slow, he came back out of the bathroom, looking a bit frazzled. Awkwardly, he stood to the side, reading the map on the wall, waiting on Kaoru to come and find him once he was done.

Kaoru finally spotted him past a group of school children, grappling with his backpack for a moment and then slipping up behind him and putting an arm loosely around his waist, kissing the back of his shoulder. "Ready?"

He turned his head and then nodded, smiling again. "Ready."

Kaoru head back out the door and down the main trail, humming to himself softly. "So," he looked back to make sure they were alone, the closest people just little shapes behind them on the trail. "When did you first know you weren't really a girl?"

Die'd been concentrating on following Kaoru's behind so much that he didn't even notice he was looking at him until he spoke up. Immediately, his head lifted and he blushed a bit. "Umm... well... I guess when I hit puberty I knew for sure. I was attracted to guys, but I'd fantasize about it as if I were another guy with them. And the first time I touched myself, it was... awkward." He made a face, hurriedly catching up so he could speak softer. "I thought it was disgusting, all the wetness... the smell... hell, even having to stick my fingers _in_ there was gross." He paused to look over, seeing a squirrel and smiling before continuing on. "I guess the fact that I'd always hung out with boys, never with girls and the fact that all the girly kinds of things made me feel awkward. Dresses look terrible on me and all the things my mother enjoyed, I hated." Honestly, it was just a lot of small things that had led Die toward thinking in a different manner than most girls ever would.

Kaoru gave a short nod. He was about to say something else when something in the dried mud to the right of the trail caught his attention. "Hey, look!" He caught Die's wrist and tugged him over, pointing. "Boar tracks." There was a line of larger, deeper tracks in the dirt, and beside it, smaller, shorter-stride tracks. "Looks like there's a mom with a little piglet running around. Maybe we'll get lucky and spot it."

Die peered down at the tracks, not knowing this kind of thing, but finding it fascinating all the same. Grinning, he pulled out his phone and leaned closer, taking a picture of the tracks and then saving it. "I hope we do... I imagine it'll be... cute." There was no other word to describe it.

Kaoru briefly brushed his hand down Die's side. "If we do, just stop and stay quiet. Boars are... mean, especially with their babies." Die nodded, taking that information in as well and ensuring that he'd remember it later when it might count. Kaoru smiled and kept walking, getting to the first split in the trail, taking the one marked with red reflectors. He took a big, deep breath in through his nose, sighing as he let it out. "I love being out here... I start to feel like I'm in a big glass terrarium in the city all the time."

Die just followed Kaoru, trusting him to know which way they were going, though he did make note of which direction they were turning, not wanting to be lost if they needed help for some reason. "Yeah... sometimes I feel suffocated there, too," he admitted quietly.

"And," Kaoru turned, offering Die a smile over his shoulder, "it's even better being out here with you." He blushed, continuing to walk. Die blushed, as well. He liked that Kaoru enjoyed being with him. It made this entire trip worth it, even if he didn't get any fish this go around. The going was mostly flat, and the trails were cleared out well, though as they deviated from the red trail to the blue, the path became more narrow, the underbrush thicker on either side. A few times, Kaoru pulled out his phone and snapped pictures, not of anything particularly specific, just random, beautiful images. Spotting a familiar landmark, he smiled. "Hey, you're gonna love this." He picked up his pace a bit and rounded a bend to an open area for camping. In the center of it, looming up out of the earth, was a massive pine tree, perhaps ten feet in diameter, towering up into the canopy. "Isn't it amazing?" Even the scaled pieces of bark were abnormally huge, the size of a hand, easily.

Die hurried after him, coming to a stop in the clearing and peering up at the tree, his eyes wide. "Holy shit, that's huge!"

Kaoru smiled at Die's reaction, slipping an arm around his waist. "I know, right? They think it's at least three hundred years old."

He stared up at the tree for a long moment before grinning. "You find the coolest shit."

"Well, I found you, didn't I?" Kaoru blushed, realizing that had been a pretty lame compliment. Continuing around the tree, he kept on with the trail. "The river's maybe another mile from here."

Die arched an eyebrow and then laughed, trying to just accept the comment and not be an ass and reject it. At the announcement of the river, he looked happy. The trail became less easy the closer they got to the river, obvious that the further parts of the forest were not often traveled. After about twenty minutes, they finally smelled water, and then saw it. Up ahead, a huge oak, the size of the pine from before, had fallen over the water, a massive hole in the earth where the roots had come up.

Kaoru tightened his backpack straps and grabbed a little holly tree beside the side of the huge trunk, scrambling up on top of the fallen tree and offering his hand down to Die.

Die reached up, taking the offered hand and hauled himself up on the trunk, careful to maintain his balance. His eyes cast around, looking for a good fishing place. There, on the other side of the river was a good one, the ground at just the right amount of an angle, some boulders to sit on, and the bank not entirely muddy. It seemed opportune. He pointed. "I think there would be nice for fishing," he commented.

Kaoru gave an approving nod and started across the trunk, stopping short and putting a hand out to Die, raising a finger to his lips before pointing out into the woods on the other side of the river. There, several yards into the trees, stood a large doe, strained to stay still, having spotted them. She stood like a statue for a moment and then turned, bolting off in the other direction.

Die started to ask why he'd stopped, but then closed his mouth, looking instead and smiling happily as he watched the animal rush off into the forest. It was so graceful and beautiful and for a moment, he just stood frozen, pondering on the absolute beauty of nature.

Kaoru bit his lip, smiling. When he was young, his grandmother had told him that once, to see a deer was an omen, and to make a wish. Nowadays in Japan, they were practically public pets, more than willing to stand for a photo if offered a little food, but he closed his eyes for a moment and made a wish, anyway, moving on across the river and climbing down onto the bank, again turning to give Die a hand.

Die followed after him when he moved to get down from the tree. He carefully chose his footing and then finally crouched down, took that offered steadying hand and then pushed off the tree, landing on the ground on the other side. He teetered for a moment and then righted himself, laughing softly. "Ah... yeah, haven't done anything like that in years."

Kaoru caught Die around the waist when he seemed like he might pitch backwards, pulling him flush against him. With a smile, he splayed his fingers out against the other's back. "Mm, could have fooled me. You're practically a full-fledged outdoorsman already."

He laughed. "I'm one of those people who goes to the lakes that I can pull up in the paved parking lot next to the dock." Shaking his head he started off toward the patch of ground he'd scoped out. "This is far more fun though."

Kaoru shook his head with a grin, following Die down to a large boulder just off the bank, taking off his backpack and digging out a bottle of water and two pears, offering one to Die. "I'm glad you're having fun. I haven't been able to find anyone who actually likes coming out and doing stuff like this with me. My parents would, but, they're getting older and they can't really do the more rigorous stuff like this. Well, dad, mostly. He'll be sixty-five next month; mom is his second wife, so she's only forty-seven."

Die dusted his hands off on his pants and then ditched his bag as well, pulling the little cooler off the bottom of his bag and the pole off his back. Settling them down, he grinned and accepted the pear, taking a bite of it. "Mmm... so good," he murmured, walking to the water's edge and peering in. "I don't mind doing this with you... as long as you don't mind doing this part with me." He grinned back at him.

Kaoru groaned dramatically. "Ugh, the sacrifices of courtship!" He snickered and sat down on a rock, eating his pear and just watching Die for a moment. He couldn't stop being elated by, and slightly hesitant and suspicious of, how right it felt, being out with him. It was so wonderful, and easy, after that first speed bump of shock, discovering Die's little secret, things just felt so fluid between them, but at the same time, a little worm of fear gnawed at him that it wouldn't work out and he'd be right back at square one, which was alone. Really, he knew this fear had everything to do with the fact that he truly cared about Die, and didn't want to lose him. Not even realizing it, his brow furrowed as he sat sipping his water.

Die continued peering into the water, crouched by it as he nibbled on his pear. After a while, he found what he was looking for and then padded back over to where Kaoru had chosen to sit down. He settled beside him and tilted his head. "What's wrong?"

Kaoru jerked up, wrenched from his thoughts, his brows shooting up for a moment before his face rearranged itself into a soft smile. "Hmm? Nothing, baby, I'm fine."

Die looped one arm around his shoulders. "You sure?" He had to be sure before he just let it go.

Kaoru practically sagged into the touch, the instant comfort and shining sense of being wanted, of being important to someone, only reinforcing to him that if this didn't work out, if some obstacle was coming that they could not overcome, it would definitely break his heart. "Yeah... I was just thinking about how much I like this. You and me. And..." he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. "I don't know, it sounds stupid... I guess I'm just thinking that I really want this to last, because, well, I think I'd be hard-pressed to find someone else that's as good for me as you."

Die couldn't help the shocked look on his face. These were such deep thoughts for him to be having right then. He rubbed his shoulders gently. "Oh, Kaoru... don't look at it like that. I'm sure we're going to try our very bests on this, so... think positively, yeah?"

He looked away, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry... I'm kind of a worry wart. My sister calls me the wet blanket." 

Die tilted his head. "Wet blanket?"

Kaoru chuckled a little. "Yeah, like, I put a damper on everything. See, I started off thinking about how much fun this is so far, and how well we get along, and that I really like you, but, being my usual self-deprecating self, it turned into worrying if it will really end up being something that will last and if it doesn't..." He looked up at Die again with an apologetic expression, "how fucking pissed off at the world I'd be to lose you."

Die gave him a stern look and then shook his head. "Dude... you worry more than me and I thought I worried something freaking awful." He laughed softly and then finished off his pear, holding up the core. "What do I do with this? Can I leave it for the animals?"

Kaoru's cheeks flushed pink and he looked down, giving a small nod. “Yeah, just toss it off in the woods."

Die stood for a moment and tossed it hard into the forest. Turning back, he retrieved Kaoru's fishing pole and box, starting to get his pole ready for him. Once it was, he motioned him over. "So you said you haven't been fishing before?"

Kaoru stood, sighing. "Not successfully. My dad tried to get me to fish when I was little, but I always got too bored, and never caught anything."

"It's not all about catching things," he murmured softly. "It's about feeling nature." He shifted to press the pole into Kaoru's hands and gently showed him how to cast, his movements elegant and practiced. The lure hit the water with a soft _ploop_ and then Die shifted Kaoru's hand down to show him how to gently reel it back in. "Just gotta keep the fish interested... that's all." He kissed his cheek and then moved to the side. "You try now."

Kaoru leaned back into Die's touch, shivering pleasantly at the feel of the other's lips. Awkwardly, he tried to repeat Die's motions, but his cast was far less graceful, making more of a plain-old _splash_ than a _ploop_. He let the lure go down with the current just a little ways, and then he started to reel it back in, slowly. He blinked, looking at Die for some kind of feedback; Kaoru didn't _get_ fishing, he was trying for Die, but for him, who never caught anything and wasn't particularly enthusiastic about it, it just felt like throwing a piece of plastic on a string out into water over and over again.

Die stood there, watching him, his head tilted a bit and a smile on his lips. It wasn't graceful, but it was operative. It'd do. "Reel a bit slower. The fish like it to move, but not too fast or they find easier targets to latch on to." He turned then, moving to get his own rod and line organized. Once he was done, he cast off, his lure making a _ploop_ out in the water. He then moved to crouch next to the water, eyes bright as he just watched the gentle lapping of the river against the bank. Smiling softly, he murmured to Kaoru, "It's not about the fishing... don't look at it that way. It's about nature, how relaxing it is to listen to the water... like the breath of Mother Nature." With that, he quieted, just watching and listening to the world around them.

Kaoru nodded, trying to look at it that way, but memories of fishing with his dad (read, handing his dad a soda and carrying the tackle box) kept creeping in, of a bored little boy that would rather be at home coloring than fishing. After a while, he started to hate it a little less, getting better at casting and not getting his line caught in trees.

Die kept an eye on Kaoru, every once in a while replacing his lure with something different to try to get him to catch something. It was always a tossup with the fish as to what they wanted that day and to Die that was half the fun. He placed a worm on the end of Kaoru's hook and then patted him on the back. "Cast off again. I have a good feeling about this one." He re-bated his own hook and then cast off with one smooth movement of his arm, the familiar hiss of the line making him smile.

Kaoru tried not to shudder at the worm, finding it funny how Die was biologically female, but as far as expected gender traits, went he was considerably more girly than Die was. He shook his head and tossed the line, reeling it in slowly. "Hey, baby, I've been thinking... I'd really like to shoot you, as... well, as both genders. Would you be OK with that? I could make sure your face was hidden in them if you don't want anyone to know it's you."

Die looked over, peering toward Kaoru as he spoke. A moment later, he looked back out at his line, smiling. "I don't mind you taking photos of me. Do you mean naked or clothed?" When he glanced over at Kaoru's line again, he noticed how taut it was and he made an excited noise, reeling his back in and then propping his pole up, going to Kaoru and getting behind him. "You have something! Reel it in fast!" Die was almost vibrating with excitement.

Kaoru was about to answer the question when Die suddenly got very excited. He felt a little panicked, letting out a dumb "uuuh" and hastily reeling in his line, leaning back into Die. Once the fish was on the bank, Die let go of Kaoru and rushed down to it. "Stop reeling!" Grabbing up the line, he held it up and grabbed inside the fish's mouth with the other hand, making sure to avoid the hook. Grinning happily, he came up to Kaoru and showed him. "Dinner!" It was a lovely rainbow trout, a little over a foot and a half long and very healthy looking. "Get the cooler from next to your tackle box." There was a small blue cooler he'd brought attached to his backpack rather than a tackle box like Kaoru's.

Kaoru paled a little, but grabbed the cooler. The hook in its mouth, it's flopping, the big, wet eyes... it all sort of wigged him out. Snakes and lizards he could do... but fish had always given him a weird irrational case of the heebie-jeebies. He had sort of hoped his bad luck with fishing would have persisted.

Die waited until Kaoru had the cooler open and then unhooked the fish and plunked him inside on top of the small amount of ice he'd put in the bottom. Handing the line back to Kaoru, he took the cooler and closed it, looking damn proud. "You caught one, Kaoru!"

Kaoru gave a little nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck, giving a half-hearted thumbs-up. "Yeah... I caught one." Well, at least it was out of sight now... and thrashing loudly around in the cooler. He tried to hide his shudder.

Kaoru didn't look near as happy as Die and he tilted his head at him. For a moment, he evaluated what on earth was going on and then his eyes widened a little. "Did you want to let him go, Kaoru?" There was still time, always a few minutes before they were completely done for.

Kaoru frowned, feeling exceedingly dramatic and, well, gay. "It's not that, it's just... don't you dare laugh, but fish kind of gross me out."

It definitely took some restraint for Die not to laugh. Instead, he just grinned and then shook his head. "Okay, then how about... I catch the fish and you talk my ear off?" His grin just grew even more, showing he really did want his ear talked off by Kaoru.

Kaoru shrugged a little awkwardly, pulling two sandwiches in plastic bags - nine grain bread with organic peanut butter on one side and Nutella on the other - and setting one on the rock next to Die. "OK. What do you want me to talk about? I put a soda in your bag, by the way."

Die smiled, casting off again and then settling with the pole between his legs, carefully pulling out some hand sanitizer from his pocket and using it before picking up the sandwich baggy. At the comment, he smiled, moving to get his bag, digging around and then pulling out the strawberry Fanta. His eyes widened and he grinned. "Hey, you noticed! C'mere and get your kiss."

Kaoru bit his lip - God, what was about Die that could turn him to mush so easily? - giving a little lift of one shoulder. He'd done it to be nice, not for a reward... but he certainly wouldn't mind a kiss. Leaning forward on one hand, he craned in close to Die, his lips just hovering over the other's perfect smile.

Still grinning, Die moved forward and gently melded their lips together. Pulling back, he broke the seal on the bottle and downed some, making a pleased sound right after. "Thank you," he murmured before opening the sandwich and tearing off half of it to start chowing down on it.

Kaoru accepted the kiss happily and scooted a little closer, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Die as they ate their sandwiches. He wanted to lean his head on Die's shoulder, he was feeling particularly amorous all of a sudden, but he restrained himself.

Die finished off both halves of his sandwich and three quarters of the bottle of soda before he felt his line tug. Grinning, he grabbed the pole and then thrust his soda at Kaoru. "Hold this!" He snatched up the cooler and bounded down to the water line, dropping the cooler at his feet and starting to reel in his line like a madman. Soon enough he had his prize in hand, a catfish slightly larger than Kaoru's trout. So beautiful and it looked tasty, too! He unhooked it and then deposited the fish in the cooler, going ahead and starting to break down his gear. No point in making Kaoru stay out here longer than necessary. They'd just go back to their hike and Die would be content, having caught his fish.

Kaoru snickered, watching Die collect his prize, then setting down the soda and going down the bank to Die, pulling out his phone. "Congrats, tiger. Mind if I get a picture of us with the river in the back?"

Grinning, Die shifted and then sanitized his hands again and then looped his arm around Kaoru's shoulder, squishing close to wait on Kaoru to take the picture. Kaoru flipped his phone around and smiled, snapping a shot and then reviewing it. Perfect. The bottom of the frame stopped just above where the swell of Die's breasts started and they were both smiling happily. Die's arm around his shoulders made him feel good, and he quickly saved the photo and set it as his phone background. "Thanks."

Die watched, seeing the picture and then what Kaoru did with it. It made him feel kind of warm and fuzzy on the inside. Happily, he went about packing up again. "And thank you for tolerating my fishing."

"At least you didn't make me bring you sodas and dig up worms like my dad used to," he grinned, packing up his own few scattered things before scaling back onto the large oak. He readjusted his backpack and waited to give Die a hand.

Die snorted. "As if. Seriously, half the fun is finding the worms. Jeez." Grinning, he finished up packing his stuff and reached up to grab Kaoru's hand, heaving himself up on the log again, the cooler now clanking with fish and half-melted ice.

The rest of the hike back was fairly quiet and comfortable, passing the now closed visitor's center and heading back to the car. Kaoru popped the trunk after digging out his keys and dropped his backpack in with a contented sigh. I had been a good day. 

By the time they got back to the last bit of path before the visitor's center, Die was anticipating the use of the restrooms. But much to his dismay, they were closed and that stupid soda and water had already made its journey through his body. And for about the millionth time, he envied the fact that men had a few extra inches of urethra and thereby a little more time than women. When they got to the car, he carefully loaded his stuff in and then stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Um..." he was blushing faintly as he looked toward the trees off to the side of the parking lot. Maybe... but, no, Kaoru would think him gross most likely. He just shook his head. "Never mind." And a moment later, he was crawling into the front seat of the car and - of all things - praying.

Kaoru, rather oblivious, just gave Die a little smile and started navigating the old highways back towards the interstate. The further and further along that they drove, the more and more Die had to go until he was pretty much squirming in his seat, trying damn hard to be discreet about it. However, Die's prayers were answered; when they passed the big twenty-four hour gas station, only ten minutes from the forest, Kaoru pulled in, claiming a mild chocolate craving and wanting to see if they sold clove cigarettes, which were getting harder and harder to find these days.

When Kaoru pulled up at the gas station, Die didn't even hesitate. He ripped off his seat belt and bolted for the door, fumbling for a minute and then finally getting it open. Inside, he found the door to the women's room unlocked (no way he was making that mistake again today) and was literally in the stall before the swinging door ever shut. Fumbling, for the first time since he'd started using the packer, he wanted to drop kick it across the room for being in the damn way. But somehow he managed it, getting everything down before sweet, sweet relief started flooding through him. Oh yeah... much better. Die dropped his forehead against one hand, almost crying at the relief. Minutes later he was cleaned up and out of the bathroom. But as he stood there, purchasing a new pack of Salem Lights, he honestly felt completely embarrassed. Why hadn't he just admitted he had to go earlier and sneaked off in the bushes? Pointless... but he felt somehow stupid that Kaoru would know he had to squat to pee. It was ridiculous really, something he shouldn't be worrying about. And yet... it felt so wrong to him. Paying for his smokes, he turned around and marched out into the parking lot, standing there and vowing to himself he was ordering something tonight when he got to Kaoru's. No more waiting. No more being embarrassed to order it. Because what it took out of him to order it was better than this kind of bullshit. He leaned against the car and lit up, looking sincerely peeved off right then.

Kaoru couldn't help but laugh at his lover's mad dash, following him and wandering around for a bit, using the restroom himself and then purchasing two Snickers bars just as Die pushed out the door. Going out, he was glad Die didn't notice him. There was something artistic about Die leaned up against the car, smoking his cigarette, frustration making his long limbs taut, standing there in the dim evening light. Kaoru, wishing he had a real camera, took out his phone and snapped a quick photo in black and white before unlocking the car and getting in, hoping that whatever sour mood had apparently come over Die would be soothed by the soft little thing Kaoru had pulled out of the trunk, which was now sitting in his lover's seat.

Die jumped a little when the car beeped, letting him know that the doors were now unlocked. He looked up a bit nervously, peering at him and then smiling a bit. "Sorry about that," he muttered, knowing that Kaoru had to have seen his stunt. Flicking his cigarette down, he stomped it out and then pulled open the door, starting to climb in. 

There, on the seat, sat the little white stuffed animal he'd been looking at in the gift shop earlier. His eyes sparkled as he reached down and grabbed the little guy, then plunking down in the seat, holding his prize in his hands and then squishing it to his chest. "Oh my god," he murmured, leaning over to hug Kaoru, "thank you so much! I was looking at him, but I didn't think you noticed! How did you know?"

Kaoru blushed. He liked giving gifts now and then because he had a hard time being sweet. He leaned into Die's hug, feeling a little bashful. "I must admit, I was a little jealous when I saw the way you two were looking at each other, but..." he shrugged, knowing that was a terrible joke. "Though not of the typical variety, I _am_ a journalist, I've mastered how to watch without appearing to do so, it's second nature to notice little things about people, and even easier when it's someone I really want to know about."

Die actually laughed. "Yeah, I know... little guy was giving me 'the eyes'." Smiling softly, he pressed his lips to the side of Kaoru's mouth and then pulled back, settling in his seat and putting on the seat belt. He cradled the little plush in his lap, his mood vastly improved by something as simple as a teddy bear. "You know... I feel stupid that I still adore stuffed animals. I mean... they're really girly, you know?"

Kaoru pulled out of the gas station and back onto the highway. "I don't think it's necessarily girly, just a nostalgic comfort from childhood. Besides it's not pink and big-eyed. He even has a ranger hat!" Kaoru reached over and pulled the little khaki hat, making it snap back down on the bear's head with the elastic band holding it on.

Die grinned. "It's cute... and I know exactly where I'm going to put him." Happily, he reached over to Kaoru, running a hand over the other man's thigh. "You're so sweet, you know that?"

Kaoru reached down and laid his hand over Die's, merging onto the interstate. "Oh yeah? Where's he going? And, it's nothing, really... I like doing things for you." He felt his cheeks grow hot and he was glad the car was dark.

Die grinned. "I have a little shelf of plushies and he's going right in the center, between the black bear and the purple platypus." Of course, what Kaoru didn't know was that he had only kept very few of his stuffed animals, most of them having remained at home when he'd left. Only those with sincere sentimental value had made the trip with him.

Kaoru chuckled, slipping his hand under Die's and lacing their fingers together. "Well, then. He should feel honored. Do you think you'll keep him there for long?" The last bit was admittedly loaded, but it was how Kaoru worked, asking things he didn't know how to say in plainer terms and coding them.

Die smiled at that, squeezing his hand. "I certainly hope so."


	9. Chapter 8

Die was in a much better mood by the time they got to Kaoru's apartment and he climbed out, gathering his stuff up and going to open his trunk, transferring the stuff he didn't need right then over into the trunk of his own car. He pulled out the duffel that contained all of his overnight stuff, flinging it over his shoulder and then closing up his trunk. Still clutching his bear, he picked up the fish cooler and the last of the stuff he needed from the trunk of Kaoru's vehicle.

Kaoru led him up the stairs and into the apartment, flipping on the light in the living room, going into the kitchen and putting away all the food they hadn't eaten on the hike before going to the big storage closet across the hall from his bedroom and taking off his hiking boots and setting down his backpack. He came back to Die in his living room, where papers and his camera and laptop and the latest issue of Morbid Black Light were all set out on the table - he'd forgotten to put everything away after working for a while last night, besides, he used his coffee table for a desk most days, anyway.

Die followed after Kaoru, seeming content. He paused at the entryway, putting down his stuff and then taking off his boots, leaving them there. Soon enough though, he picked up the cooler and took it into the kitchen, putting it in the fridge and then padding back to the hallway. Picking up his bag, he headed for the living room, stretching a bit as he just stood there wondering if he should ask for a shower since he was definitely sweaty.

Kaoru took his hair down and shook it out. "Shit, I smell like a horse. I'm gonna take a shower, do you want to join me, or will you just wait? I won't be long."

Blushing a bit, he eagerly moved toward Kaoru. "If you don't mind, I'll join you. I feel too gross to sit on your couch." He laughed and shook his head.

Kaoru grinned and headed into his bathroom, which was decorated in greens and golds, stripping off his clothes and tossing them in the hamper in the corner, starting the water and letting it run for a minute. Die abandoned his bag on the floor and headed after Kaoru, stripping down and carefully laying his new bra down on top of his pile of clothing and placing his packer on the counter to be washed after his shower. Kaoru flipped on the showerhead and grabbed Die's wrist, pulling the other in with him, earning a soft sound from Die. The slightly older man wet his hair and started to wash it. It had been oily and sweaty from the hike and it felt so good to have clean hair again.

After he had rinsed out his hair, Kaoru pulled Die against him, turning him and putting him under the spray, running his fingers through the red hair, turned a dark, bloody crimson in the water, and he poured a dollop of shampoo into his hands, lathering it into his lover's hair, massaging it against his scalp.

Willingly, Die fell into Kaoru's arms, wrapping his long limbs around his lover's back, closing his eyes while Kaoru started to wash his hair. This felt amazing - the other willingly doing something so sweet for him - and it felt so relaxing, too. Die didn't even flinch as his breasts pressed against Kaoru's wet skin like he might normally have done. No... for today, he was okay with his body.

Kaoru kissed Die's shoulder briefly, grabbing the loofah sponge and pouring some body wash on it - some odd cedar and patchouli blend made by a local woman - and began to scrub Die down, gently, his caresses sensual and caring.

Die's hands eventually slipped down Kaoru's body coming to a rest on the slight swell of his ass. His breathing turned slightly shallow, hips pushing slightly toward him as he let him wash his back first, knowing he'd have to move in a moment.

Kaoru nuzzled Die affectionately, effectively soaping him down. When it came time, Die scooted back and allowed Kaoru to wash his front, gasping slightly at the contact with his nether regions. Honestly, he wondered why he was so sensitive there, but no answers were about to pop out of his body and inform him, so he just did his best to deal with it. Once he was done being soaped up, he shifted underneath the spray, starting to rinse off. Humming, a slight smile on his face, Kaoru started to wash himself. He could do this for ages... being around Die was almost more natural and comfortable than being at home by himself and it felt like his lover belonged there.

He tactfully ignored Die's rising arousal, wanting to see what could come up between them without sex for a while, not wanting, even though the sex was so, so good, to let the relationship be based on it, solely. Maybe later, but for now he was enjoying the oddly romantic notion of sharing a shower with Die, pressing against the other so he could squeeze under the spray to rinse, rising on his toes to give his mouth a quick kiss. He grinned as he pulled back, then shut off the water and handed Die a towel.

Die was honestly surprised that Kaoru didn't try to start something with him. But then, they were both pretty worn out, so he figured that was probably why. Biting his lip a little, he gratefully accepted the towel and stepped out of the shower onto the mat, starting to dry off. "Hey... can I use your internet in a few minutes?"

Scrubbing himself dry, Kaoru gave Die's bare ass a playful smack before going into his bedroom to pull on some dark grey pajama pants and a big, baggy old Nine Inch Nails shirt, worn soft and thin with love. "Hmm? Sure, sugar. Speaking of internet, I've been meaning to ask you if you have Facebook? I didn't want to just look you up and add you. That's what stalkers do." _Googling you is different, that's research._ He knew it was really very irrelevant and silly, but his relationship status had been listed as single for quite long enough, thank you. He was rather enjoying the idea of being listed as "In a relationship with Die Andou."

Die yelped a little at the smack to his backside, though secretly that turned him on to no end. But he wasn't about to tell Kaoru that... at least not yet. When Kaoru headed into his bedroom, Die headed for the living room, bending down and digging through his bag, finding the pajamas he'd put in there, the nice silk red ones he'd been wearing that first night when Kaoru had come back into his life.

When Kaoru came into the room and spoke, Die became immediately aware of the fact that in that position, his entire 'undercarriage' was on display for the world. Immediately, he stood, clutching his PJs close and then quickly stepping into the bottoms and pulling them up. The top took longer, his fingers having to close each button on the way from the top to the bottom. "Yeah, I do... last place I worked made me make it. I don't really keep it updated because the user interface sucks, but it's there. It's under Dai - D A I he spelled out - Andou. Since when I worked there, I was going under the pretense of being a girl." Meaning, of course, he wasn't taking the testosterone and thereby hadn't made it all public.

Kaoru frowned a little, brushing die's hands away and doing up the last few buttons. "Aw... can you change your gender on Facebook? I know you can change your name. You'd think it's possible... mind if I add you anyway, or would it be a lost cause?" He feigned straightening out the collar of Die's pajamas, really just wanting to feel the silk between his fingers.

Die allowed Kaoru to fiddle with his PJs. "Hmm... I haven't checked it out. But sure, add me. I'll see what I can do tonight after I order the uh... what I need to." Close one there.

Kaoru grinned, giving a nod and padding over to the couch, opening up his Mac Book and pulling up Safari. "There you go, baby." He stood again and went into the kitchen, feeling hungry. "Die, are we doing something with the fish tonight, or will we make them for lunch tomorrow?" he called into the living room, grabbing two beers from the fridge and bringing them back, handing one to the other. "I was just going to make a frozen pizza for tonight, maybe a salad with it, something easy."

Die settled down on the couch, curling up with the MacBook in his lap, quickly entering a search for TravelMate and then pulling up the site. He ordered the set of two and the little pouch to put the plastic device in. Smiling happily, he went to the checkout page and started entering his information to pay for it. "Hmm? Oh... uh... I guess that works for tonight. I can make the fish tomorrow." Quickly, he focused back on the page, attempting to remember his credit card number.

Kaoru set the beer down on the table in front of Die, kissing the top of his head before returning to the kitchen and preheating the over, taking out a frozen pizza and adding feta cheese and some garlic powder to the plain pepperoni, leaning up against the kitchen counter while he waited for the oven to get hot and pulling up Facebook on his phone, searching Die and finding him, clicking the "Add to Friends" button. Next, he pulled up the picture of him and Die from earlier and uploaded it, captioning it simply "Me and the boyfriend, out hiking". He hadn't even told his sister he was dating anyone yet. This was probably an easier way to let her know, anyhow....

Soon enough, Die had finished the order process and it informed him it would be two to five days before it arrived. After a moment, he went to check Facebook and added Kaoru to it, putting him in under who he was in a relationship with. Then he went about trying to figure out how on earth to change his gender.

Putting the pizza in the oven, Kaoru grabbed his beer and went to sit next to Die on the sofa, watching to see if he could help navigate through all the rather hidden options; it was so simple, really. He wanted to change his name and his gender, as far as the profile coding was concerned, they were just options on a form, but where in the hell were they? Die finally found the one for his name, though he hadn't been looking for it specifically. Quickly, he submitted it and then bit his lip a little, trying to get through the complex system and figure out how the hell to change his gender.

"Maybe it's under that one," Kaoru pointed out 'account info'. That's where birthdates and such were usually stored, maybe gender was under that.

Die clicked there, looking frustrated and searching around.

"Aha!" Kaoru pointed out the drop-down box labeled "sex", pulling up the site on his phone and confirming the request to list himself as in a relationship with Die. He smiled, pleased. "Well, it's official. Now everyone but my parents knows we're together. Which means I'm turning off my phone, otherwise tonight will be a steady stream of texts and phone calls." He chuckled and shut the phone off, setting it on the coffee table.

Finally finding it, he pulled down the box and changed it to Male. After a few moments, he flitted around the site in the photos section, removing anything of him that had breasts in it. Afterward, he happily changed his sexuality in his bio to say 'gay' rather than 'straight'. Smirking, he saved everything and then closed it. "Watch, I'll get like a million messages from old co-workers like duuuude what the fuck?" He snorted and then listened to Kaoru smiling. "I like your predicament better."

Kaoru shrugged, propping his elbow up on the back of the couch and putting his cheek on his fist. "Well... they can all go suck your dick. You're finally living your own life, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks."

He smiled at Kaoru. "It's true." But all the same, it wouldn't change the fact that Die was a people-pleaser and this, of all things, was not the way to please everyone. But it was far past time for him to do things for himself instead of others and this was what he'd wanted... what he knew he had to do for his own peace of mind and security.

Kaoru rubbed Die's arm, smiling a little sleepily. "Maybe it sounds strange, but I'm proud of you, Die. You know, though, and I'm not sure why, but what baffles me more than the fact you used to be a woman is that you used to be a straight woman." He chuckled, the back of his knuckles rubbing along the silk-draped inside of Die's elbow.

Die blushed and then laughed softly. "Yeah well... if I don't like the smell or taste of my own, I wouldn't like anyone else's either, right?" He shrugged a bit and watched Kaoru's fingers on his arm, enjoying the touch. "Besides, I like dick. What can I say?"

Kaoru's grin turned a little evil and he made a low, rumbling chuckle. "I thought I liked dick, too, but apparently I'm very flexible." And it was true. It was one of the reasons he'd walked out the night he discovered what was really going on with Die, but there was no doubt that he was sexually attracted to the other, specifically his still very female body. He'd never expected to enjoy cupping breasts in his hands, or sliding his cock into the tight, hot folds of a pussy, but something about the fact that it was _Die's_ tits and pussy made him not just tolerate, but crave them.

Die blushed, biting gently at his lower lip for a long moment before he shifted, putting the MacBook on the coffee table and then sliding closer to Kaoru. After a moment of hesitation, he moved to straddle the other's lap, gently tracing his jaw with one hand, the other resting on his shoulder. "Kiss me," he whispered, hoping he wasn't being too forward, but wanting that mouth against his right then.

Kaoru's heart gave one loud pound and he nodded, licking his lips and putting his hands in Die's hair, pulling him down and fitting their lips together gently, tongue flickering out against Die's lips with a soft moan. His hands slipped down and stroked Die's neck and he felt his chest constrict, he breath trembling.

Very slowly, Die allowed himself to sink into the kiss, moaning softly and starting to squirm gently against the other man. God he loved this, loved the way Kaoru responded to him and that when he needed contact, he earned contact. His own tongue came out to gently play with Kaoru's, deepening the kiss.

Kaoru's fingers gently pet the soft skin of Die's throat, wrapping his tongue around his lover's in a slow dance. He pulled away briefly, whispering, "I love the way you taste." He just touched Die for a moment, looking at him with half-hooded eyes, brimming with affection before he leaned back in and kissed Die again.

He couldn't help the half-grin that slid across his lips at that. It was sweet and made him happy that Kaoru liked his taste. He shifted a little, almost about to move when Kaoru leaned in for another kiss. No... he was definitely not moving now.

He wrapped his arms around Die in a snug embrace, about to slide his tongue back past those wide lips when the oven started beeping, announcing that the pizza was done. Kaoru laughed into the other man's mouth, pulling away. "Mm, well, that was bad timing." He pat Die's thigh. "Hop up, baby."

Die made a face and then sighed softly, getting up from Kaoru's lap, curling back into his portion of the couch. "Should we eat in there?" After all, this white couch did not deserve to be killed with pizza sauce.

Kaoru thought about it for a moment. "Mm, yeah, we'll eat in the kitchen." He strode in and turned off the oven, pulling out the pizza and then grabbing the bowl of salad, something he always had on hand, and the bottle of bleu cheese, grabbing two plates. He cut the pizza up and made two servings, setting them on the table and putting their beers out, as well. "Dig in, baby-cakes."

Die got up, grabbing his beer and then following him into the kitchen. Settling on the chair he'd occupied last time he was here, he carefully picked up one piece of pizza and started to nibble on it with a contented sound.

Kaoru ate quickly and quietly, getting up for seconds, suddenly very hungry. When he finished, he put his plate in the sink and sat back down, sitting and watching Die with a strange adoring look in his eyes. When he realized he was staring, he blushed, getting another beer and a bowl of fresh, cut strawberries, putting it on the table.

After a few bites Die started to eat a bit quicker, realizing that Kaoru was eating fast. He finished off two slices of pizza and then his beer and some of the salad. But when those strawberries came to sit on the table, Die couldn't help but immediately reach for them. It was one of the fruits he adored the most, loving the taste.

Kaoru grinned, seeing Die's eyes light up at the fruit, and quickly put up Die's empty plate, coming back over and standing by the other's chair, picking up a strawberry and putting it between his lips and leaning down, cocking a brow at Die challengingly.

He let out a tiny gasp when Kaoru did such a thing with the fruit. Craning his head up, he flicked his tongue over the strawberry and then leaned in enough to bite off half of it, very gently, and then settle back, a proud look on his face.

Deathrot eyes shot wide and Kaoru barely chewed before swallowing his half of the fruit. "Ah, honey?" He licked his lips, leaning into Die's ear. "You wouldn't happen to have brought your strap-on along, would you?"

Die blushed slightly and shook his head. "No..." he scratched his head a little, "I didn't even think about it."

"Damn..." He leaned in and pressed his lips right against Die's ear. "I wanted to ride you."

Die bit his lip a little and then reached up, tugging Kaoru's hair a little. "Well... I could get inventive... do you have a double-ended dildo?"

Kaoru let out a whimper at the short tug to his hair, biting his lip hard. God, he could probably cum just from having his hair pulled. He swallowed down the dried up gob of spit in his throat and nodded. "I do."

Die's eyes brightened. "That'll work," he murmured, "just have to be a little more... careful is all."

Kaoru grinned, almost sweetly, and kissed Die's neck. "Oh, I intend to take it nice and slow." He pulled Die up and across the living room, into his bedroom painted deep violet. The bed was gold and black against one wall, another wall hung with three Mapplethorpe florals, and another of his photos of Lisa Lyon in a morning veil, her large, perfectly defined muscles lit expertly to cast them in the most contrast. Under the photos, on the dresser, sat a picture of his friends along with a jewelry box, a mirror, and assorted things. On the wall with his closet was an oversized movie-poster of A Clockwork Orange, and on the last wall hung a few aged Japanese prints, a low, long table underneath with incense holders, old photos of people dressed in Japanese garb, what must have been his parents, he and his sister, a little Buddha, and a small, round mirror. On floating shelves along the wall were more pictures of his immediate family, and assorted kami icons and statuettes. It smelled like lotus blossom and nag champa, and a little like Kaoru's cologne. Kaoru pulled Die to the bed and sat him down, pulling the moderately thick dildo from a drawer, along with two condoms and some lube. He set them by Die and winked. "You get ready, I'll be right back." He kissed his lover's lips shortly and sauntered off, half-closing the bedroom door behind him.

Die allowed himself to be moved along with Kaoru, not minding at all. Instead, he looked incredibly happy about it. He peered around Kaoru's bedroom, smiling happily. It smelled nice and he loved the comforter on Kaoru's bed more than anything, black and gold making a lovely combination. He watched Kaoru put the double-ended dildo down and then the condoms and lube.

Once Kaoru left, Die stood up and pulled off his clothing, carefully placing them at the foot of the bed. He hummed softly as he picked up the dildo and tested its flexibility. After a few minutes he had both condoms on the dildo, one on each end, and slowly pushed one end of it inside his pussy. He let out a gasp, arching toward the toy and moaning quietly. After a few pumps, he stopped, already feeling too worked up just from that. After a few moments, he pushed it deep inside of himself and then bent it up to create a false penis, holding his thighs together to keep it buried inside. Ah... there, much better. Lying back entirely, he stroked the side that would go in Kaoru languidly, his eyes dark with arousal.

Kaoru slipped away to the bathroom to clean himself up a bit, despite the fact they'd just taken a shower, spritzing on a little of the orange blossom perfume he wore as Yuuko and slipping out of his pajamas, putting on a flowing black silk robe and tying it around his tiny waist. He brushed hair, now dry, out with his fingers, and went into the kitchen to grab the bowl of strawberries. Taking one last calming breath at the door, he entered the bedroom, smiling shyly to Die, who was stretched out beautifully on his bed, stroking that plastic cock. Kaoru quickly lit some candles and a short stick of incense, and then crawled up on the bed next to Die, lounging with his weight rested on one hand leaning over his lover. His fingers ghosted over the side of one full breast and he then took a strawberry from the bowl in his thin fingers, gently pressing it to Die's lips.

Die could smell the change in Kaoru's scent and he smiled a bit, recognizing it. The touch to his breast, however, made him gasp and arch toward him a little. His tongue slid out to caress the strawberry he'd been offered. Still his fingers played over the fake cock, somehow unable to stop, even at the romantic gestures that Kaoru was giving him. He pulled the strawberry into his mouth and then carefully chewed on it, savoring the flavor. Swallowing, he whispered, "I love strawberries...." 

Kaoru blushed, his long hair falling over one shoulder as he dipped down to kiss Die, tasting the tartness on his lover's lips. "I'm glad." He picked up another strawberry and grasped in gently between his teeth, leaning down again, his hand resting lightly on Die's thin stomach, and kissed him once more, his tongue snaking into Die's mouth.

Die pulled the new strawberry into his mouth and tucked it against his cheek before kissing Kaoru back thoroughly. When the other pulled back, he chewed and then swallowed, his hand finally stilling over the fake dick.

Kaoru chewed one more strawberry just to make sure the taste was in his mouth before putting the bowl on the nightstand, his robe slipping from one thin, tattooed shoulder, the demon mask grinning crazily at Die. He scoot himself down to lay on the bed, and tucked one skinny leg over both of Die's, wrapping his arms around him before kissing him hard and slow, pressing himself into the other man's side, his fingers tracing feather light patterns along his lover's ribs.

Die moaned softly, leaning into the kiss and licking at his lips gently. His hips pushed up, hand reaching for Kaoru's hip and pulling him closer. It was like he couldn't get enough of Kaoru.

Kaoru whimpered, finding his appetite for Die equally insatiable, rolling and straddling the other's waist, fingers carding through Die's red, red hair. His hand slipped down and pulled the belt of the robe and it fell open, his straining erection revealed, the tip of it kissing Die's stomach as Kaoru leaned to kiss Die's lips some more. His hands trailed down and found his lover's tits, squeezing and kneading, thumbs flickering over nipples, and then one hand journeyed lower, between his legs, and grasped Die's cock for the night, positioning it and, in one fluid motion as he rocked back, sinking over it.

Die watched Kaoru's movements, the way he straddled him and then the feeling of his hands over his body. God he could get damn used to his. Moaning softly, he arched up just as Kaoru sank down on his fake dick. It slid it inside his pussy just a little further and he let out a louder, longer sound of complete pleasure. Shivering, he realized this was a damn good idea and he was definitely going to have to get one that he and Kaoru alone would share.

A long, shuddering sigh left Kaoru and he simply stayed over Die for a moment, his pubis putting weight against Die's clit. His head was thrown back and he let the robe slip off him, tossing it to the floor and then getting himself together a little better, gazing down at Die with glittering, dark eyes, softly running his hands down his lover's arms as he gave his hips a slow roll.

Die bit his lip, moaning softly as the other completely tossed his robe aside. His beautiful, gorgeous man. Licking his lips, he craned his neck up, hand moving to take hold of Kaoru's hair as he started pushing his hips up, his body jerking a little, the dildo pushing in and out about an inch with every movement.

Kaoru whined, grabbing Die's wrist and extracting the hand from his hair. "Please! Baby... it turns me on too much... save it for when we're closer?" His eyes shined and he laced his fingers with Die's to distract the other's hands, staring down at him adoringly as he pushed his weight back and ground his hips in languid circles, the muscles of his hips and stomach rippling under his thinness. He whimpered slightly, unable to keep his eyes of Die's - if they were open, they were locked with his lover's gaze.

Die whimpered softly, hanging on to Kaoru's hand hard, the dildo shifting around in his pussy while Kaoru moved. "O-oh... oh god..." He closed his eyes and panted quietly, arching even more. After a few moments, he opened them, staring up into Kaoru's deathrot eyes, about ready to lose his mind, even so soon.

Kaoru smiled, panting out a short laugh, leaning over Die and pressing his face into the other's throat, hands moving in sure, slow caresses over any part of Die he could reach, canting his hips back and forth, effectively moving the dildo in and out of both of them at that angle.

Die whined loud and clear, his eyes closing again while he arched, trembling, trying to strain toward his first orgasm. Nothing said he couldn't cum more than once and this felt damn good, so he was almost desperate to try for it.

Sensing Die's nearing peak, wondering if it would make the pace after a bit less frantic for the other, who sometimes seemed afraid of his own sexuality, afraid of the parts between foreplay and orgasm, Kaoru sucked at Die's neck and thrust his hips a little faster, moaning.

Die whimpered softly, arching harder and then let out a loud cry. A moment later he could feel everything spasming, his pussy getting wetter as his orgasm wiped over him.

Kaoru slowed, not wanting to overwhelm Die, gently kissing his neck while he traced the other's jaw with the tips of his fingers. When he felt Die relax again, he whispered in his ear, "When you're ready to cum again, start pulling my hair." With that, he tossed his head down and moved southward, tickling his hair over Die's chest for a moment before he sat back up, moving his body like a belly dancer, a series of breathy whines escaping his swollen, rouged lips. His hands, again dancing over any skin of Die's he could reach, were eager, but tender.

Die nodded, sure he could remember that. Immediately his body began to react again to the feeling of the dildo sliding in and out and the sight of his lover over him, riding him like this. He couldn't really focus, his hands all over the parts of Kaoru that he could reach, panting quietly as he rocked his hips against Kaoru's, trying to keep pace with him. After all, he wanted Kaoru to feel good as well.

Kaoru liked riding because he knew exactly how to keep the pleasure sensual, knowing precisely how to rock his hips to let another's cock rub him in all the right ways. It took some readjusting with the other end of the dildo also moving inside Die, but he got the hang of it, lost in bliss, grinding against Die and running hands now over his own body, over his neck, sucking on one finger greedily and pulling a little at a nipple.

Die watched him, his dark eyes lost in watching Kaoru and the way he reacted to everything. He slid one hand up, curiously pressing his finger against Kaoru's lips, hoping he would suck the digit into his mouth the way he had his own just a few moments before.

Kaoru chuckled, sucking Die's finger in, the hand he'd been gnawing on going down to squeeze at his own hip. He opened his eyes and winked at Die, swirling his tongue around the slender digit the way he would have to Die's clit, using a little more pressure with his teeth on the finger than he would with his lover's sensitive nub.

The redhead let out a long, low moan at the way Kaoru sucked his finger. It was obvious what he was implying now and that turned him on to no end. Shivering, he slowly pushed his finger in and out of his mouth, wanting to simulate it to the best of his ability. "Hnnggg," he voiced, beautiful chocolate eyes wide and filled with pleasure.

Kaoru hollowed out his cheeks, playing along with the innuendo, writhing his hips from side to side and moaning as it shifted Die's cock against that blissful spot inside him, oh thank god. His eyes fluttered shut and then rolled back in his head and he grabbed onto Die's slim waist, starting, slowly at first, to bounce in his lap. He was turned into a creature of pure desire with this - it was his favorite position and it gave him control while still having penetration, and while it was sinfully sensually, it also felt so terribly amazing.

Die moaned as if he were losing his mind. Arching hard, he allowed Kaoru to do the moving, the dildo slipping around inside of him and every once in a while shifting against his clit. The thought crossed his mind that Kaoru had called it his mini-dick and he let out a louder moan, muscles tensing up as he reached his other hand up to tangle in Kaoru's hair, knowing if this kept up, he'd cum again.

Kaoru shuddered violently, waiting for Die to pull, moving up and down with more force, making his lover's tits shift as the bed moved. His fingers dug into Die's sides and he bit his lip, preparing for the utter, vulgar bliss that was having his hair yanked on - and for Kaoru, the harder, the better.

It didn't take Die long to ramp up entirely, body clenching down hard enough that he actually pulled _hard_ on Kaoru's hair, not even realizing it as his entire body tensed. He trembled violently and then cried out, his entire being feeling like it was pulsing as his orgasm crashed into him.

Kaoru _screamed_ , sinking down hard against the plastic cock when Die yanked on his hair, the pain shooting through him and sending him over the edge, cumming hard, his ass clenching around the dildo and cock shooting sticky streams that fell warm against Die's stomach and round, full breasts.

Somewhere through his haze, Die realized that Kaoru's cum went _everywhere_. It was glorious and he felt damn proud that he had a lover that could cum like a fucking fire hose, because he honestly found it to be incredibly hot.

Kaoru slumped, sobbing for breath against Die's throat, nerve endings gone mad, and slowly, returning to normal. Immediately, like usual, he flipped into "clean it" mode, carefully slipping off of the dildo and then slowly pulling it from Die. He pulled off the condoms and put them in the trashcan, tossing the dildo on the floor. He'd thoroughly clean it later, when his body didn't feel made of rubber. Next, he grabbed some tissues and mopped up his spunk, first off Die, and then himself, throwing the tissues away, as well. Satisfied they weren't both covered in too many bodily fluids, he laid down next to the redhead, shoulder to shoulder, grasping his hand and resting his cheek on Die's arm, feeling exhausted, sated, and most of all, safe.

Die lay there feeling incredibly dazed. He allowed Kaoru to clean him up, gasping softly when the other man removed the dildo from him. Even that felt good... but overly good now that he'd cum twice. Shivering, he just lay back and licked his lips a little. "You can cum so... far," he commented quietly, cheeks flushed. But his voice sounded mystified.

A dark blush washed over Kaoru's high cheeks and he hid himself against Die's side for a minute. "Not always. Just when it's really, really good."

And _that_ made Die feel damn fine, indeed. Grinning happily, he hugged Kaoru to himself, curling toward him. "I really liked it."

Kaoru let Die fit against him, smiling. "I thought it was fantastic." _Because it was more than just sex,_ he wanted to add, but didn't. If he was the only one that thought so, he really didn't want to know.

Die nuzzled in against Kaoru, yawning softly. He made a tiny sound and shifted, then looked grossed out. "Okay... I'm using the bathroom for a minute." All the gushing around was getting to him, especially since his entire inner thighs were coated in his own sticky mess.

Kaoru chuckled, patting his lover's sweaty ass lightly as he went off into the bathroom. 

Die gasped at the pat on his ass as he wandered past. Once in the bathroom, he wet a washcloth and propped his foot on the toilet lid, carefully cleaning off everything down below. When he was done, he quickly used the restroom - always a good plan after sex, he reminded himself - and then washed his hands and came back out. Smiling happily, he crawled back into bed with Kaoru. "Cleaner now." He laughed softly.

Kaoru took the time to crawl up under the covers, the cool, soft sheets feeling so good against his lust-hot skin and he snuggled down and waited for Die. On the verge of sleep, he reached out for the other, pulling him close, inwardly hoping exhaustion took him before he blurted out those three dangerous words he had clamped behind his lips.

Die carefully fitted himself against Kaoru, enjoying the nakedness as well as the closeness. One hand lazily came up to stroke through Kaoru's hair. Kaoru purred, gooseflesh rising over his skin at the light touch. "Mm... oyasumi nasai, baby..."

Die smiled softly. "Oyasumi, Kaoru."


	10. Chapter 9

For Die the day had been rather hectic. He'd gotten up early to go to his appointment, Kaoru in tow throughout the entire thing. Much to his surprise, it had been easier with Kaoru sitting there, quietly in the corner, than he'd expected. He had felt almost safe with his lover's hand in his own.

Now they were walking down the block, headed for the new seafood restaurant that Die had seen go in a few weeks before. His treat this time. Still, Die held Kaoru's hand clutched tightly in his own, fingers curled around his lover's. Finally, he brought up what he'd been wanting to, biting his lip a little. "Kaoru? I have a serious question for you...." All of the photos they'd finally bothered to show him had him worked up, scared almost. He didn't really understand why, but all he could think about was Kaoru's hands on his body, the way his lover accepted him the way he was right then... and how Kaoru might feel about all of this. After all, he had to be a part of the consideration now that he was in a serious relationship with him.

Kaoru had remained stoic and silent through most of the visit, just listening, trying his damnedest not to glare at the doctor; he hated doctors. He'd asked a few questions, playing dumb so he'd get simple, honest answers, and of course asked about the risks. He wanted Die to do whatever made him happy, but the thought of him being cut open and parts of him removed honestly made Kaoru a little queasy. He was still lost in thought, rubbing his thumb against Die's hand nervously, when Die prompted him. Blinking, he looked up. "Hmm? What, baby?"

Die made a small grossed out face and then paused, leaning against the side of a building and pulling out his cigarettes, quickly lighting one and taking a long drag from it. After a few more puffs, he finally spoke up, though very softly and in Japanese rather than English, his words slow and careful. "Those pictures... it looked... so gross... and scary." The fear edged into his voice and he looked so completely unsure of himself right then.

Kaoru's brow furrowed, hating to see his lover so worried. Taking the cigarette from between long fingers, he sucked in a drag and then handed it back. "It is scary, Die. It's pretty serious stuff. But, it's also worth it. You'll feel more male, you'll _look_ more male - which reminds me, I forgot to give it to you this morning, I'll do it when we get back to your place, I got something for you. But really... it worries me, and it's going to be painful, but nothing good ever comes easy."

Die trembled a little as Kaoru too the cigarette from his hand, watching him and then accepting it back. He sniffed a little, feeling overly emotional all of a sudden. Taking a deep breath, he tried his best to calm himself. After a moment, he just reached out for Kaoru, drawing him into a hug and hoping it was alright because he needed it right then. It took him a few long minutes to speak up again, his voice wavering. "I'm scared, Kaoru... so scared." Tears welled up and Die blinked furiously to get them to go away, his hug getting more forceful so Kaoru wouldn't see him almost crying. "I mean.... I knew it would be intense, but... those scars... after a year even... it'll be so obvious what I did." He bit his lip and shut up rather abruptly, battling the tears.

Kaoru squeezed him right back, rubbing his back in slow circles, feeling the binding there. "Who gives a fuck, baby? It doesn't matter what anyone thinks if you're happy. And, everybody's different. Your scars might not be that bad." He sighed, pressing his face into Die's shoulder.

Die bit his lip hard enough that it started to bleed, the coppery taste filling his mouth as he swallowed a few times and licked at the split. Taking a hiccupping breath, he buried his face against Kaoru's neck. "I... I want to go home," he whispered, suddenly feeling very fragile. He could feel the very first pulls of a panic attack gripping at him and the last thing he wanted was to do this in front of the public eye.

Kaoru frowned, holding Die around the waist and turning around, heading back towards the doctor's office, where Die's car was parked on the street. "You want me to drive?"

Trembling, Die nodded a little, almost glued to Kaoru's side as he tried to walk faster than they had been before. "P-please," he whispered, fumbling in his pocket for the keys and then shoving them at Kaoru. He felt sick... dizzy. No... not yet, not now... not here.

Kaoru unlocked Die's sportster, glad he knew how to drive stick, and opened the door for him, helping him in before going around and getting in, cranking it up and heading back to his lover's apartment, cursing the manual transmission preventing him from holding Die's hand.

Die, on the other hand, curled up in his seat, pulling his legs up and wrapping an arm around them, plastering his face between his knees. The tears came then, flooding down his cheeks in torrents that he hated himself more and more for with each new wave. His counselor had obviously been too easy on him when he'd started all of this. It would have made more sense for them to tell him what he was really honestly getting into up front. It would have made more sense for him to research it better. But he hadn't and now he was paying the emotional price all at once. Stupid... and a mistake he wouldn't make with the rest of this.

Kaoru pulled up in front of the other's apartment building, jogging to his car and grabbing a bag quickly before coming back and helping Die out of the car. "Come on, sweetie...." He leaned in and kissed Die's hair, his heart breaking to see him so torn up.

Die didn't even notice when they stopped until the door shut on Kaoru's side. Sniffling, he peered up, watching Kaoru rush to his car and then back. Slowly, Die dragged his hands over his cheeks, trying to get rid of the tears. After a moment, he unfolded himself from the car and got out. Swallowing hard, he leaned on Kaoru heavily as he locked and shut the door. He paled a little. "... I think I'm gonna hurl," he muttered softly.

Kaoru's eyes got big. "Like, for real, for real? Because I'll drag you behind some bushes if you don't think you can make it up to the apartment."

Die swallowed hard and just stood there for a minute before looking just a little better. "I'll... make it," he murmured, looking determined as he headed for the building, rushing along with his head down and one hand on his stomach. It seemed to be the universal sign for 'get the hell out of Die's way' because everyone gave him a wide berth as he headed for the elevator.

Kaoru got in with him, rubbing his back some more, his mouth pursed into a tight line. "Just calm down, sugar... everything's fine."

Die whimpered softly, moving closer to Kaoru for the comfort of his touch. Trembling just a little, he waited while the elevator took them to his floor. Getting out, he made the dash down the hall, peering helplessly back at Kaoru, who held the keys to his apartment in his hand.

Kaoru kept up and unlocked the door, letting Die in, his brow still creased with worry. He had known what was coming. He'd done plenty of interviews discussing surgeries with other transgendered people, he'd known pretty well what was involved with it, but he felt like maybe Die actually didn't. For now, though, he kept his mouth shut, and just waited patiently for Die to let him know what he needed in that immediate, nerve-wrecked moment.

Once the door was open, Die just bolted for his bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and falling to his knees in front of the toilet. It was honestly nerves that was making him ill, and he hated it more than he hated anything else.

Kaoru sighed, locking Die's door back and taking off his shoes, walking slowly to the bathroom door, listening, and then knocking softly. "Baby? You alright?"

Die retched a few times, but nothing came up. It just felt like he wanted to throw up, but he didn't really have to. After a few moments, he lowered his head against his arms and let out a choked sob. God he felt stupid... so stupid.

A heavy sigh left Kaoru as he quietly opened the door and walked to Die, dropping to his knees and pressing his face into his lover's back, rubbing his arms and breathing nice and slow, hoping Die would start breathing with him and calm down.

It took him a few minutes before he just turned around to hug Kaoru close to him as he tried to calm himself down, breathing right along with him. His hold was tight, slender body shaking slightly. "Scared," he whispered against Kaoru's neck, feeling stupid for this but knowing at the same time that he just needed to talk this through reasonably.

Kaoru hugged him to him, rocking him back and forth. "Shh, I know..." He just held him for a while, and then stood, helping Die stand. "Hey, I got something for you." He set the bag he'd gotten from his car, now hanging around his wrist, onto the bathroom counter. "Take your shirt off."

Die sniffled a bit when Kaoru pulled away, reaching to get some tissue and blow his nose with it. Tossing the tissue into the toilet, he slowly unbuttoned the shirt he was wearing, setting it aside, one hand over his bandages.

Kaoru offered him a soft smile, leaning into him, reaching around to his back to the catch on the bandages, undoing it, kissing Die's lips shortly as he started to unwrap the binding. He watched his hands do it, watched each new patch of bare skin be revealed, realizing the was the first time he'd ever seen his lover unveiled in such a way, and to be doing it himself was.... strangely romantic.

Die sat there, watching as Kaoru rolled the bandages off of his body. It was something that made him feel strangely at ease. It put him in the right mindset to ask the right questions, to think the right thoughts. When he opened his mouth, it was strangely calm. "I wanted this because I wouldn't have to hide away under all of this... but... I'll still be hiding. I'll be hiding scars rather than what God gave me." The last of the bandages fell away and he lifted his head to stare up at Kaoru, his eyes asking what his mouth did not. Would Kaoru fault him for this thinking?

Kaoru bit his lip a little. "Baby... you weren't born a man. But inside, you are. Hiding would be if you were wearing a dress right now. OK?" His hands came up and cupped Die's breasts, kissing each of them softly, before he reached into the bag and pulled out a black garment cut a bit like a tank top, but of a stretchy, durable, breathable material. "The bandages have put bruises all over your back, and they cut in." He traced his fingers over an angry red mark on Die's side. "I bought you a real binder that won't suffocate you."

When Kaoru kissed each of his breasts, Die blushed deeply, his body automatically going into 'oh that feels good' mode. But when Kaoru showed him the binder, he reached out, accepting the garment and blinking at it and then up at Kaoru. Biting his lip, he could feel the tears well up again. After a moment, he whispered softly, "...Kaoru? Would you be mad at me if... if I didn't do this?" He swallowed hard, staring up at him with fear in his eyes.

Kaoru cocked his head to the side, his eyes sad. "Baby... no. I wouldn't be mad at you. But I'd wonder if that's what would really make you happy."

Die looked back down, slowly starting to put on the binder, finding it to be very much more comfortable than his bandages. After a moment, he stood up and went to the mirror to peer at himself. It worked quite well and he really liked the way it made him feel less stupid because it felt like a piece of clothing rather than something shameful.

Slowly, he reached out and drew Kaoru into his arms. "I... I want to look up more online. But I don't want to be alone. Will you stay and help?" It was a lot to ask, but he figured Kaoru could always say no.

Kaoru kissed his cheek and hugged him fondly. "Of course, sugar. Come on, I'll show you some sites I've done research from." Die picked his shirt back up and pulled it on over the binder. Buttoning it up, he headed for his computer in the living room, slipping into the chair in front of it and starting to boot it up. He gestured at a wooden chair in the corner for Kaoru to use, murmuring about it softly as he entered his password.

Kaoru pulled the chair beside Die, leaning over in it, resting against the arm of Die's. He listed off several sites, wanting the other to get a good, multi-sourced idea of the risks, procedure details, healing process and aftercare, and find some creams that would reduce the appearance of the scars. He also insisted Die look up more pictures of others' chest reconstructions at different phases, wanting him to have a better idea of what he might expect.

As soon as Die logged in, he started a browser and allowed Kaoru to guide him along on a search. As far as he could tell, the doctor had been trying to freak him out and showed him the worst possible results. With the creams it seemed like after a few years he'd look like a normal man up top and the scars would be faded out into nothing. The sites told him that he would probably need some time off from work and that overall, if he got the right pain meds, he'd be okay.

Feeling much better, he continued through, looking over the other surgeries and occasionally making terrible faces. Okay... so really, this was the least of his worries. By the time he was done with it, he licked his lips a little and then clicked on one of his folders, glancing over at Kaoru and blushing. He clicked through the porno he'd turned on until there was a good side-shot of a tranny and he pointed. "I guess it's implied that that's what I'd end up like. But from what I can tell it's nothing like that." He frowned a bit and shifted.

Kaoru couldn't stop the sudden laugh that burst from him, slapping his hand over his mouth. He bit back the giggles, then shook his head. "Well, every case is different," he offered, leaning over Die and pausing the porn, pulling the browser back up, typing in a web address and hitting enter. He blushed as a small picture of himself popped up, the site headed with "Kaoru Niikura Photography" and a slideshow underneath, with a list of categories below that: macro, portraits, self-portraits, fashion, architecture, misc. He clicked on "gender bending" and then "before & after". The first photo popped up of a beautiful black woman with dark, butter smooth skin, lying naked on mussed sheets, the background hazy. She had long dreadlocks and a fine-boned, lovely face, propped up on her elbows, forehead rested in the heel of her hand, small breasts perky and rather long-nippled. To the left of the photo was another shot of a man with short dreads, bare-chested, wearing jeans that hung low on muscular hips, barely visible scars lining the underside of his pectorals. "This is Seely Canter, he's a writer from Seattle. The first photo was three days before his surgery, and the second is about a year later."

Die flushed a little, letting Kaoru have control of his computer for a few minutes and then watching, interested as Kaoru pulled up the before and after photos he'd taken. That honestly made him feel much, much better. He let out a soft sigh. "Oh wow... that's much better." He leaned forward and studied the photos. "No Photoshopping?"

Kaoru shook his head. "Not on the scars, no." He hit next and this time a gorgeous, sexy biker chick with short cropped black hair straddled a Harley in nothing but chaps and a pair of panties, and in the next photo, a man sat naked, groin hidden behind his crossed leg, in a leather chair. The scars were more obvious on him, but still not glaring or brutal. "I've taken tons of these, my favorites are on here. I sort of look at it as their way of saying goodbye to their old gender. With the exception of male-to-female who already have breasts, I always try and do the before photos capturing them as their biological sex, so the after is a more pronounced difference. In clothes, the only difference for most of these people looks like a year for anybody; different hair, maybe a different weight, new clothes..."

Die breathed in a little and then smiled at the next set as well. It felt... somehow more right than it had in the stuffy doctor's office. This was real, not some kind of scare tactic and not someone who didn't really understand themselves. He was quiet for a long moment. "Can... can you see if any of them will talk to me before I do this?" He realized quite abruptly just how much of a lack of a support network he had and it made him decidedly uncomfortable. Maybe... maybe Kaoru's acquaintances would help.

"I could try. Most of these people are friends of friends, or semi-famous, or even contacted me to shoot them. But I can dig around and try to get in touch with somebody." He closed the browser and sat back in his chair, smiling gently at Die.

Die smiled happily at him and then got up, going to the couch and curling up on it and holding out his arms for Kaoru. "I appreciate you doing this for me... I guess I didn't even realize how much of a lack of a safety-net I have. I've got you... and I guess on some tiny level, I have my brother. But the rest... not so much."

Kaoru frowned a bit to know, as he had suspected, that Die was so isolated, especially since he knew the other was really quite charming and a people-person under that shy outer layer. He lay down against Die's chest and snuggled there for a long, quiet few moments. Finally he spoke, eyes closed, listening to Die's heartbeat. "This feels so good..."

Die remained quiet for a long time, thinking about how he wished he hadn't had to leave his friends behind. Sighing softly, he draped his arms around Kaoru and then nodded. "It does," he murmured, feeling exhausted... and hungry. "I'm going to call in some Chinese. I'm starving... and I am so sorry I freaked out like that."

Kaoru sat up at the mention of food, nodding. "Don't worry about it. The reality of the situation sunk in, a freak out is pretty standard for that." He leaned forward and gave Die a slow kiss. "Sesame tofu for me?" he asked in a sweet voice. "Extra broccoli?"

He was grateful for Kaoru's understanding, he really was. He kissed him back, just a slow and relaxed kiss. After a moment, he shifted, fiddling around in his pocket and then taking out his cell phone and dialing the number for the place down the street he used quite a bit when he wasn't feeling up to going out. After a few minutes, he had everything ordered and on the way.

Kaoru lounged on the other end of the couch, running his fingers through his hair, thinking that the last time they'd sat together on Die's couch, he'd stormed out because he'd discovered Die's secret. Something like bile rose in his throat and his chest ached. He'd been such an asshole... it was really a miracle Die had even let him in to apologize when he finally returned, much less continued a relationship with him. Currently, Kaoru's thoughts wandered, wondering just where their relationship might lead, and what it meant to Die.

Die watched Kaoru for a long moment before he crawled over and curled up next to him, his head on the other's thigh as he yawned widely.

Kaoru shook with silent laughter, hand coming down to pet Die's hair. In his head, over the last few times they'd seen each other, he'd wanted to tell Die he loved him a total of, oh, several thousand times, right now adding another, but he restrained himself, remembering how Die had sort of freaked out the last time Kaoru had actually admitted how he felt. Instead, he just laid there petting his lover, waiting on their food to arrive.

By the time the food came, Die had drifted off to sleep. The buzz of the doorbell woke him, making him jerk upright and snort, looking around kind of stupidly. After a moment, he realized what he was supposed to be doing and padded off to the door, talking with the delivery guy like they knew each other really well. 

Kaoru grinned at the reaction, waiting on the couch while Die went to pay.

After a few minutes, he came back to Kaoru with all the food, setting it down on the table along with a two liter of Brisk iced tea. He curled right back up and then started to sort things out.

Kaoru got up and found two cups and two forks, bringing them back and sitting close to Die, a strange, kind of dopey grin on his face. He opened the bottle and poured them both some of the drink into the cups.

Die accepted the stuff, glad someone was using their brain and then dug into his sesame chicken and white rice.

Kaoru started eating, as well, looking at Die out of the corner of his eye. "You look tired. Should I go after we eat, let you get some rest?"

Die blinked up at him and then licked his lips a bit. "I didn't think it would wear me out this much," he murmured softly, feeling kind of bad. He really did need sleep, but he didn't really feel like kicking Kaoru out. "What days are best for you... so I can make my appointment when you can be there?" After all, he needed a ride there and home.

Kaoru thought about it for a moment. "Well, it's more that I get everything together for the magazine the first week of each month. So... late into the second week would be best."

He nodded. "I'll let you know what day I get." He peered back up at him. "You really don't mind doing this for me?"

Kaoru smiled, placing his hand over Die's and squeezing. "Of course not. I _want_ to be there for you."

Smiling happily, Die curled up closer to him and continued to eat slowly. "So, how's the food?" he murmured softly.

Kaoru smiled around a mouthful of broccoli. "It's delicious, thank you."

Die offered him another smile in return and then picked out a piece of chicken, popping it into his mouth and then chewing. This was always what he wanted from there, so good. Kaoru finished and sank back in the couch, watching Die for a bit, a strange look in his eyes.

Die noticed after a while that he was being watched and he blinked at Kaoru. "What's up?"

A tiny smile. "Nothing... just that even when you're boring, I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing than spending time with you."

Die laughed softly and then shook his head. "Well... thank you." With that, he held out a piece of chicken, curious if Kaoru would take it not. He had a sneaking suspicion the other was either vegetarian or very close to being and he wondered if he could prove it this way without asking.

Kaoru rose a brow and then leaned forward, sliding the morsel off the fork, chewing. It wasn't nearly as sexy a gesture with chicken.

Die stared at him, blinking. Okay... so that was wrong. He tilted his head a bit. "So you're not vegetarian?"

Kaoru cocked a brow. "I've eaten meat in front of you before, tiger." He shook his head, chuckling. "I mean, I go through phases where I don't eat meat, it sort of comes with the territory of being an artist, but really, it's a Japanese thing, if you're talking about the tofu. It's a pretty light-meat diet, with small portions and not always including meat in every meal." He shrugged. "It's just how I'm used to eating."

Die blinked, trying to remember. It came to him that their first date had included meat and he blushed a bit, feeling stupid for a moment. But then it seemed that Kaoru seemed to understand what he meant, explaining his meal choices. Nodding a bit, he ate a little more rice and then shifted a bit. "Oh... I guess my mom skipped out on that particular lesson," he replied, giving a sheepish look to Kaoru.

Kaoru shrugged. "You were raised here. It's not your fault. Besides, you keep hanging with me, you'll probably pick up a lot more of the culture."

The smile he gave Kaoru in return was a grateful one. "I think... I shall learn a lot then," he replied softly.

Kaoru's eyes widened for a moment before he smiled, laying his hand on Die's knee. "So should I get out of your hair so you can get a nap?"

He was thankful for the reaction Kaoru gave since it obviously meant he'd found the hidden meaning there. He stretched a bit and sighed. "Umm... I think..." he blushed a bit, "that might be a good plan." Not that he really wanted to kick Kaoru out of his house, but he really was tired.

Kaoru nodded, getting up and checking his pockets for phone, keys, wallet, etc, before going to sit in the foyer and put his shoes back on.

Die shifted, moving his dinner to the coffee table and then getting up to follow Kaoru. He waited quietly as the other put his shoes on. Once he was done, Die leaned in and gently placed a kiss on the other's lips.

A pleasant shiver went through Kaoru and he flickered out his tongue across Die's lips, the way Die usually did to him, and pulled away, hand behind him turning the door knob. "Mm, bye, sugar. Get some rest."

Nodding, he licked his lips a little and then watched Kaoru leave, closing the door behind him and locking it back. Leaning against the door, he closed his eyes and then let out a soft, pleased sound. Anyone who would help him like this - in all these ways - had to be an incredible person. He could feel himself caving, feel his heart starting to slip toward Kaoru. And for once, that wasn't a bad thing.


	11. Chapter 10

Monday evening, around six, Die got a text message from Kaoru. _I'm house sitting. This place is ridiculous. Want to come for a dip?_ Below was a photo of a luxurious pool outside of a modern, white stuccoed mansion. He sent another text right after. _I'll skinny dip for you ;)_

Die was just leaving work when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Naturally, it was Kaoru. Lately, it seemed that the only person willing to talk with him was his lover. Smiling, he was about to hit reply and then a second text came in. He laughed and shook his head, quickly replying to that one instead. _Send me the address. I'll google map it and then hit you up in an hour or so. And yeah, I expect to see cock, period._ He hit send and then pulled out of the parking lot, fingers tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of his music.

Kaoru lounged on the granite counter top in his acquaintance's home, drinking his third beer. He sent another message, _Oh, you'll see cock. Would you be mad if I told you I was high? Weed makes me really horny :/_

Die made it all the way home before he checked his phone again, viewing the text in the elevator. He snorted, not really caring if someone else was high. He himself had drug screenings at work and he knew he had to stay clean for them. But Kaoru could do what he wanted. He thumbed out a response before hitting send and exiting the elevator. _Not mad. Advantage if you fuck me hard in some random person's house!_

 _Oooh, don't tempt me. I've been thinking about you all day and I've already jerked off twice._ Even now, Kaoru felt his dick throbbing back to life at the mere thought of sliding home into Die. _Hurry up!_

Die dug through his drawers, finally finding the tiny black bathing suit that he'd been given by his mother a few years ago as a gift to try and show him the 'beauty of the body he'd been given'. It was her way of telling him she didn't support his decision and a last ditch effort to make him want to 'change his mind' and 'become girly again'. Those were her words and Die had been disgusted with the thought patterns, tossing the garment into his drawer without even taking off the tags. Who knew that one day it would come in handy? Ha!

He stripped down and carefully removed the tags off the two piece bikini and then pulled it on, tying the flimsy strings that held it on. One look in the mirror confirmed he looked like a tramp, just as he'd suspected he would. Lingerie covered more. What the hell had his mother been thinking? Snorting, he moved away from the mirror and pulled on a black tank top and a pair of black jeans. Only then did he move his wallet, keys, and phone from his work pants, glancing at the texts. He smirked. _On my way now. But I still need the address, silly._ Still, it made his body tingle to know Kaoru had been that aroused that he had jerked off twice thinking about him. With that thought in mind, he grabbed a duffel bag and shoved in a towel, a pair of boxer briefs, his packer, the binder, and his strap-on and some lube. No more forgetting that... just in case.

He stepped back out of his apartment, locked the door and headed for the elevator. Kaoru sent him the address and sat around, bored, waiting, rummaging through the fridge, taking a toke every now and then from the green glass bowl. He was anxious for Die to arrive, missed him and was feeling frisky, wanting to play with Die more than anything, to fool around and tease.

The redhead mapped the address on his phone and found it to be less than twenty minutes away. Memorizing the route, he left the building, getting into his car and making the drive in less than fifteen minutes. No traffic and five over the speed limit did wonders. He arrived, walking up to the front of the place, looking around in awe. Gorgeous. He pressed the bell, bag hanging over his shoulder, and waited.

Kaoru opened the door, eyes half-lidded, looking far more narrow than usual, slightly blood shot and dilated. He immediately grabbed Die and dragged him in, shutting the door back and kissing Die roughly. "Mm, thank god. I'm starting to get hot, but I won't get in water alone. Come on." He stumbled off towards the sliding glass doors out to the big pool, casting lusty glances at Die over his shoulder and dropping clothes in his wake, finally naked by the time he reached the pool and took the steps slowly down into the water.

Die gasped when Kaoru all but yanked him inside, kissing him roughly and then moving away fast enough to make his head spin. Smirking, he kicked off the flip flops he'd shoved on at the last minute and then padded through the house after him and out onto the patio. The pool looked amazing. He dumped his bag on the ground, quickly starting to strip out of his clothing, revealing the skimpy black bikini, tied on the sides and at the back. Small triangles of material covered all the naughty bits, just barely concealing what it needed to.

Kaoru had sunk up to his hips by the time Die was only in the bikini and his jaw dropped, his whole body freezing. The skimpy garment accentuated Die's form, making his slight hips seem wider, his flat ass appear muscular, and his tits particularly perky. He thanked the sex gods for not letting Die wear swim trunks and a t-shirt, instead, trying to force his way through the pot-amplified arousal so he could find the nerve to speak again, swallowing down what had almost been a line of drool over his lip. "Holy _fuck_. ...My one straight fetish... has always been girls in bikinis... Get your hot ass in here. Now."

Die blushed at Kaoru's reaction, moving over to the pool. It seemed odd, his walk and everything about his posture incredibly masculine and yet his body the image of femininity and it made Die feel terribly awkward. But, he'd sacrifice that if Kaoru liked it that much. Carefully, he descended into the water. "Blame my mother... last thing she ever gave me, trying to make me 'change my mind'." He even used the little air quotes around the last three words, rolling his eyes.

"More like thank her..." Kaoru waded through the water, eyes wide and excited. "Shit, you look so sexy." His fingers briefly kissed the top of one hip and he bit his lip, hard. "Nn... oh, and just so you know, don't drag me under or anything, I can't actually swim," he threw in as he moved forward and wrapped his arms around Die, all but bathing the other's cleavage with his tongue.

Die stared over at him and then blushed. After a moment, he moaned quietly, holding Kaoru to him. He wouldn't drag him under, but if he wasn't careful, he'd drag him _out_. Although... there was the prospect of sex in a pool... hmm.... A mischievous glint entered his eyes.

Kaoru kept kissing and sucking loudly at those fantastic tits, backing Die up against the wall of the pool to a sort of bench in the water, setting Die onto it and squeezing himself between the long legs, fingers teasing over him through the black material. "Am I going too fast?" he panted, lifting his head. "I swear this wasn't just a booty call, but you had to wear _that_..."

Die laughed, breathless, allowing Kaoru to do whatever he wanted with him. He spread his legs wider and slipped forward enough that he was rocking his pussy against Kaoru's erection. One hand came up to spear in that glorious hair of his lover's, hanging on hard. "Do I... look like I'm... ah... complaining?"

Kaoru growled at the hand in his hair, baring his teeth. He buried his face in Die's throat and gnawed at the flesh, his fingers finding their way into the bikini, and then into Die, immediately searching out his hot, velvet cavern and wriggling two fingers around in it.

Immediately Die cried out, arching toward him, not even caring about the volume of his sounds. It felt amazing, those fingers exploring him so quickly, pushing deep inside. His free hand came up to one breast, massaging it roughly as he bucked against his hand. "Oh _god_! Kaoru!" Okay... so in retrospect, not masturbating last night was possibly not the best plan in the world.

Kaoru watched him fondle his own tit, eyes glazed. He fucked Die with his fingers, thumb rubbing at his clit, and he leaned forward, sucking at an earlobe. "I want to pound your tight cunt so fucking bad..." He was pretty horrible at talking dirty, but it was all that would come out of his mouth.

Die let out a breathless sound before wrapping one long leg tighter around him, his hips bucking impatiently. "T-then do it," he panted out, all caution thrown to the wind. He didn't care... couldn't bring himself to even think enough _to_ care.

Kaoru whined mournfully, pulling back to look at Die apologetically. "I can't. I don't have a condom, I didn't even think about it." He literally pouted, pushing a third finger into Die and crooking them.

Die whined, squirming around. God... he didn't care. He just wanted that hot shaft inside him. Shivering, he let out another whine. "I don't care... just... just pull out." He wanted it too bad, was too worked up too quickly and all he could think about was having him inside him.

Kaoru wasn't so sure how that whole pull-out thing was going to work... "Baby, I have this thing about cumming inside lovers. I don't know if I trust myself, especially in this state." He bit his lip, cock grinding in tiny little strokes into Die's thigh.   
Die whined, knowing he'd been stupid enough to forget condoms as well, having remembered everything else but that. A tiny idea sparked inside his mind. This wasn't either of their houses, but maybe the bathrooms had condoms. "D-do they have any here?" he asked, trying hard not to keep squirming. But he was desperate, wanting and excited.

Kaoru shook his head, growing more and more desperate. "Elaine's a lesbian, I really doubt there are condoms anywhere."

He groaned softly and then shook his head. "Fuck it... I'll shower right after. If she's a lesbian, she has a removable shower head." That was like... some kind of holy grail for women and particularly in a house like this, there was no way that at least one bathroom didn't have it. "Just fuck me, damn it." With that, he gave Kaoru's hair another tug, trying to motivate him into action.

Kaoru's eyes rolled back in his head and he thrust against Die through the bikini bottoms, grabbing him around the waist and lifting him, mumbling for him to stand on the ledge and turn around. He didn't want to shove pool water into his lover, especially with all the chemicals in it. Die whimpered softly, but managed to pull away and do as he was asked, carefully standing up on the ledge and spreading his legs, pushing his butt out. His hands gripped the ledge and he shivered a bit.

Kaoru scrambled up behind him, pushing the bottoms aside, just pulling the fabric over, and spread Die a little with his fingers before positioning himself and slamming in, a shocked sound leaving him as he buried himself as deep as he could in Die, surrounded by that wriggling eel texture - liquid fire and tightness. "Fucking _god_ you feel so fucking amazing."

Die cried out harshly as Kaoru shoved into his body. The sudden shock of being filled so completely made his muscles clench, body trembling. After a few moments, he relaxed enough to allow all of Kaoru's movement, however he wanted to do it. He squirmed back against him and whimpered quietly, "Please... i-in the water," he whispered, wanting to know how it would feel.

Kaoru groaned, leaning over Die and pulling back out, stepping down from the ledge. "Alright, but just for a little bit. I don't think all the chemicals would be good for you." He grabbed Die's wrist and tugged, urging him to come sit back down.

Right then, Die didn't care. Honestly, police could have flooded the house right then and all he could have thought about would have been Kaoru's cock deep inside him. He turned and sank down in the water, clinging to the ledge and spreading his legs. "Please... need you," he whispered.

Kaoru's cheeks were burnished a dull pink, his eyes glazed with something more than the drug, and he bit his lip, shifting the bikini around again and sliding back in with a hiss. The cool water made the heat inside Die all that much more intense and he wrapped his arms around the redhead, kissing him hard and desperate, immediately picking up a steady, deep rhythm.

Die let out a needy moan when Kaoru slid home inside his body. After a few thrusts, Die was literally clinging to Kaoru, his long legs wrapped around him, thrusting back toward him hard. He moaned again, though this time the sound was caught in their mouths, dulling the volume of it. Kaoru swallowed the sound, diving his tongue into his lover's mouth and making longer thrusts, digging his fingernails into Die's shoulders and then raking them down his back. Instantly, he pulled back. "Shit, I'm sorry! Habit..." He smoothed his hands over the scratches, kissing Die again.

Die cried out when Kaoru scratched at him. Shaking his head, he clung to Kaoru, hips moving with him, trying desperately to get more. Every nerve ending in his body was alive with pleasure. Hands grabbed at thighs and Kaoru slammed into Die desperately, breaking the kiss and hiding his face in Die's throat, panting, the water sloshing loudly from their movements, splashing up over the edge of the pool. The redhead held tightly onto Kaoru, that hand tugging at his hair for a long few moments before he arched up even more and then cried out loudly, Kaoru   
brushing past a rather nice spot with the new position.

The hand in Kaoru's hair made him whine, nearly sob, grabbing Die by the hips and losing himself for a moment, savagely thrusting so deep he was sure they'd leave bruises on each other's hips. It was then that Die started to beg. Just a little more... all he needed was a tiny bit more stimulation and he'd be thrust over the edge. "Please... oh, god.... Kaoru... please!"

Kaoru pulled back to look at Die, an evil glint in his eyes. "Please what?"

He whimpered, shifting and then blushing. As much as he wanted it, asking for it by name was a whole other realm. Instead, he moved his hand from Kaoru's hair, trailing it down his arm and then taking his hand, trying to tug it between them to touch him. He made another distressed sound and then finally, closing his eyes, he whispered, "Touch my..." for a moment, he hesitated and then went ahead and tried it, wondering how Kaoru would react, "dick," he barely choked out.

Kaoru chuckled, growling out, "Yes, sir" before doing just that, reaching the grasp the little cock between thumb and forefinger, rolling it slightly, like he might a nipple. Die sucked in a stuttered breath before whimpering, his hips snapping forward hard and his head falling back, a look of complete ecstasy on his face. It didn't take much, just that last little bit before his orgasm hit him like a brick wall.

Kaoru smashed his mouth against Die's, feeling the other spasm around him. It always made him feel victorious to get Die off, but he still had his own plans, and waited for Die to recover before he could begin to employ them. It took him a few moments before Die could start kissing Kaoru back, settling down against him in the water, feeling much more languid than before. Kaoru slowed his pace, sinking into the kiss for a while before pulling away and staring down at Die with lust-crazed eyes. "Stand up. Turn around." It was just short of being a sharp command.

Die blushed when Kaoru told him what to do. But he nodded and pulled away, the feeling of Kaoru's cock pulling out making him gasp. A moment later, he was up on the ledge again, standing there, dripping wet, his backside facing Kaoru. Kaoru got up behind him and just rubbed the head of his dick against the wet slit for a moment before stabbing back inside, gripping Die's waist and fucking him hard; loud, wet slaps of flesh and little waves in the pool hitting the sides, and grunts from him as he quickly went to work in search of his own release.

Die let out a tiny, girly, moan when Kaoru pushed his cock against his wet folds. A moment later, he had one hand clasped over his mouth, eyes closed as he panted, lost in complete pleasure at how rough Kaoru was being. It felt amazing.

Kaoru could hardly breathe and his muscles ached, but he just kept going, unable to stop until, at last, with a high, pretty gasp, release washed over him, intense, but slow and warm, his hips slowing, then becoming still as he emptied into Die, the very thought of filling the other with his load making him shudder, stretching out the pleasure of orgasm. He stayed there for a moment, buried in Die, vaguely aware that he could ever so faintly feel his lover's heartbeat around his cock. The feeling of Kaoru cumming in him wasn't something Die had expected to feel so good. He let out a soft cry, pushing back against him as he just _felt_. It was intense and somehow more fulfilling than it had been with the condom in the way. And for one brief flash of a moment, he was just happy to have experienced that at least once in his life.

Swallowing, his mouth very dry all of a sudden, Kaoru pushed Die forward slightly and then dropped to his knees on the ledge, right on level with Die's shining wet pussy. Without the slightest hesitation, he spread the engorged lips with his thumbs, leaned forward, head tilted slightly to the side, and pressed his lips tight around the sweet hole he had just abused with his cock, and sucked. When he started to taste the bitter saltiness of his own cum, he plunged his tongue inside.

When Kaoru pulled out, Die felt that pressure on his back, pushing him to lean forward and he did without hesitation. Whatever Kaoru wanted right then, he was more than willing to give. Biting his lip for a long moment, he waited. And then it came, the feeling of Kaoru _sucking_ against his cunt. He moaned the very moment that that tongue drove deep inside him, hands grasping hard at the ground in front of him. Kaoru closed his eyes, squeezing on Die's ass as he dove his tongue in and out of the tight channel, the one only _he_ belonged in, as far as he was concerned, lapping up and swallowing his own spunk, making rather pleased, hungry noises while he did so. Die thought that it was somehow incredibly erotic to have Kaoru licking him like that. He arched his back hard, moaning softly to let him know he liked what was happening.

Kaoru moaned when Die arched back, burying his face in his lover, sucking and lapping until the familiar taste of jizz faded away and he stood, smacking Die's ass with one hand and wiping his mouth with the other. "Guess you should get that shower now?" he suggested, the only halfway decent conversation he could summon right then.

Die moaned at the smack and then blushed softly, nodding. A moment later, he pulled himself up from the pool and squeezed out his semi-wet hair. Looking back, he grinned. "Be a sweetheart and show me where it's at?"

Kaoru got out and wrapped a towel from one of the deck chairs around his waist, leading Die back through the house to the big guest bedroom. "Here you go, baby. I'm gonna go pass out on the couch for a while, when you're done, come join me? Maybe we can find a movie or something to watch..."

Die smiled at him, grabbing his bag from outside and padding after Kaoru into the guest bedroom. He nodded and then closed the door, laying his stuff out on the bed and then going to the shower, grateful to find his thoughts correct about the removable shower head. Humming softly, he started in on scrubbing his body down, making sure to use the most forceful spray up inside of himself. He let out a startled cry and then leaned back against the wall, blushing as he kept it there and then shifted it up over his clit, whimpering and arching. It took a lot less time than he'd thought it would before a small orgasm rippled through his body and he sagged back against the wall, laughing softly. Oh yeah... that explained many reasons for having one of those, that was for sure. He hung it back up and then went about _actually_ cleaning his body and hair. It didn't take him long before he finished up and got out, drying with his towel and quickly dressing. After he rolled his swimsuit in the towel, he came back out and moved toward the living room.

Kaoru was sprawled out on his stomach across the big fuchsia couch, flipping boredly through the channels while he waited for Die, sipping at his beer, another set out for his lover and a bowl of popcorn, as well. He had settled on watching MTV2, looking up sleepily when he heard Die come in and offering him a smile. "Come cuddle with me." 

Die smiled back at him and then came to curl up on the couch next to him, staring over at the beer on the table. "For me?"

Kaoru stretched, letting Die's body settle against his own, putting his arms around him. "But of course, my dear." Grinning, Die picked up the can, popped the top and downed some of the amber liquid. After a few moments, he just leaned against him and yawned, watching the TV. "So... the appointment is next month. The 7th." He sighed softly. "They got me in early." Wow... what a way to break that news.

Kaoru pursed his lips, sitting up a little straighter and nodding. "OK. I guess as it gets closer to the time, we'll figure out when I'll need to take you to the hospital and all that. You know, it would probably be best if I just stayed with you the first week you get home, though... those first four or five days are supposed to be rough."

Die considered Kaoru's words and then smiled softly at him, his fingers pushing Kaoru's hair back from his eyes. "You're really willing to do that for me? I mean... I don't want to be a huge pain in the ass."

He leaned into the hand brushing back his hair and gave Die's knee an affectionate squeeze. "I'd do just about anything for you, Die." His cheeks were stained red as the words left him, but he kept his gaze locked with Die's. 

The redhead shifted a little and then pressed a kiss against Kaoru's lips, gentle and caring. "Thank you... it means a lot." Kaoru accepted the kiss and then looked away sheepishly, giving a little shrug before settling himself back against the other man's body. Die curled up closer then, reaching his free hand to lace with Kaoru's own. After a few minutes he spoke up again. "This is a really nice place."

Kaoru sniffed. "Elaine's a publisher, rolling in money, and an indulgent whore, I tell you."

He laughed softly. "Well... would this... indulgent whore... mind if I took a look around her kitchen?"

"Mm, I doubt it. She always encourages me to eat as much as I want so stuff won't go bad. Best part about staying here, though? Doing my morning run through ritzy-ass neighborhoods." He chuckled and got up, leading Die into the kitchen. 

Die laughed softly as he got up and followed Kaoru into the kitchen, immediately opening the freezer. He was craving naughty foods... ice cream, cake, cookies, chocolates. He wasn't often 'bad', but when he was, it was pretty exceptional. "Are there cookies or pastries or anything in the shelves?" He found one pint of raspberry sorbet in the freezer. That would do for now.

Kaoru opened the big walk-in pantry, locating a bag of Milanos and a package of Keebler's rainbow chip cookies, putting them on the counter, grabbing two Yoohoo's from the fridge. "Think this will fix your post-sex sweet tooth?" he asked with a grin, wrapping his arms around Die's slender waist.

Die glanced over at what Kaoru had set out and then grinned, finding a bowl, scoop, and spoon. Soon enough he was serving up both of them some sorbet. "Oh yeah... for sure." He eyed Kaoru though for the post-sex comment. It was amusing... and vaguely true.

Kaoru hopped up on the counter, the big grey jogging pants he'd put on hanging over his heels, which hit the cabinet as he swung his legs back and forth, his thin body swamped in the big orange Oregon State hoodie. He opened his Yoohoo and just sat watching Die, a small smile on his lips. Eventually, Die pushed one serving of the sorbet to Kaoru and then snagged his Yoohoo as well. He put the container of sorbet back and then opened the cookies, grabbing one of each. With a satisfied smirk, he dug into the delicious treat he'd created.

Kaoru took his sorbet, turning the spoon over in his mouth and sucking the fruity stuff off his spoon, not trying to be suggestive. In fact, he looked a bit like a child in his big clothes, eating raspberry sorbet like that was the best, most carefree thing in the world to do just then. And, so long as it was with Die like this, just hanging out together (after amazing sex, of course), it probably was.

Die grinned up at him in between bites of his treat. He polished off the small serving of sorbet in record time, only to finish off the cookies equally as fast. Moving to the sink, he started to wash out his bowl and clean the scoop he'd used, as well. No sense in leaving a mess. Kaoru raised a brow at the haste. "Are you hungry, honey? I could order pizza or something."

Die looked over at him and blushed. "Ahnn... I..." he thought about it for a moment, "no, I'm not really hungry anymore." Though apparently, he had been. A tiny nod and then Kaoru put his arms out in front of him, giving a cute pout and making grabby hands. Die laughed softly, moving into his lover's arms and resting his head on Kaoru's shoulder. "So... how often do you get high?" He was just curious, nothing more.

Kaoru blushed, putting his face in Die's damp hair. "Um... not often. I mean, I used to be wake-and-bake, so... but now, not often. Just every now and again I get the urge."

The redhead listened, willing to hear out anything Kaoru said to him just as long as the other would field his questions. "But why? What does it give you that you can't otherwise get?"

Kaoru leaned back, pursing his lips and thinking about it. "Um... I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain if you've never been high... it just feels good. I mean, it affects everybody a little different, like alcohol. For me, it makes my skin feel hyper-sensitive, so sex is amazing, and artistically, it shifts me out of my usual thinking to see things from another angle when I'm feeling blocked." He shrugged. "Granted, in college when I was such a big pothead, it was just because it kept me from thinking about how much I hated my life."

Die thought about it, reasoning out the answers that he was given. He supposed he didn't have room to talk, his own verging-addiction to alcohol being the very first reason why. After a few moments, he nodded, pulling back and then leaning on Kaoru's thighs. "How'd you know I've never been high?"

He gave a little shrug. "A guess. The way you asked." He scratched the back of his head, pausing, wondering if he should admit this, and then just spitting it out, trying to make it seem as casual as possible. "I used to do a lot of coke, too. Like, I was pretty badly addicted to it."

Die blinked. That he hadn't expected at all. Biting his lip a little, he tilted his head. "I wouldn't have expected that," he finally said. It didn't really change his opinion of Kaoru because it was in the past. He'd used past tense and so it didn't worry Die too much.

Kaoru shrugged, looking down, feeling self-conscious. "I'm not proud of it... when I left for college, I came out, and my family totally cut ties with me for a year, so I was completely alone and devastated, at a party school... I started partying harder and harder and my junior year, I started doing blow. When I came back home, I tried to quit, but then I just started doing it again... but, I've been clean for about a year and half, but I still have about thirty seconds of every day that I think about how much I wish I could do a line. I fight it every day, especially because, really, it's everywhere. At the clubs, backstage at Derrick's, my friends' parties. It's enough to make me want to pull my hair out sometimes."

Die nodded, gently petting Kaoru's thighs as he spoke. It made some amount of sense to him, thinking about how he felt some days. Maybe if he actually hung out with people and had the temptation there he could have gone down the same road. It was hard to tell such things. "It doesn't make me see you any differently, though it's not good for you." He finally found Kaoru's hands and curled them in his own, holding on tight. Kaoru scrunched up his face, sniffing. He didn't really know what else to say, just letting Die hold his hands, but not really holding them back. Carefully, Die pulled Kaoru into his arms and held him tight. "I'm here for you if you need it, Kaoru." After all, the other man was there for him. 

Kaoru pressed his nose into Die's shoulder. "That's the one thing I hope I never need you for..."

Die smiled softly, still holding him. "I hope not either, but I'm here... that I promise."

"Can I ask you something?" Kaoru's voice was soft, seeming weak.

"You can always ask me whatever you want, baby." He wasn't sure why the affectionate name slipped in, but he didn't mind.

Kaoru blushed at the pet name. He always used it, but it was rarely ever used for him. He liked hearing Die say it. "What..." He sighed. "I mean, I know we're dating, I know you're my boyfriend, but... it's hard to explain, I guess, but, what are we?"

Die tilted his head, trying to puzzle through what Kaoru meant. For him, boyfriend meant a stronger connection than dating. But not like he was swearing the rest of his life to him. Biting his lip, he thought about it and then tried to explain, "Umm... I'm trying to figure out what you meant. But I'm guessing you mean like... how committed am I to you?"

Kaoru leaned back on the counter, biting his lip. "Yeah, I guess so..."

"Well... I'd never cheat on you, if that's what you want to know. When I'm in a relationship with someone - like I am with you - I don't stray."

Kaoru chuckled. "As much as you obviously like sex, I wasn't talking about that. That never crossed my mind, I trust you." He took a little breath and looked nervous. "I mean... where do you see this going?"

Die, for the life of him, couldn't figure out why Kaoru was asking this question. It seemed really loaded. He sighed softly and then framed Kaoru's face with his hands. "I'm very happy with you and I want to keep things going the way they are."

Kaoru leaned his cheek into Die's palm, seeming satisfied with this and humming. If there was one thing Die was thankful for, it was that satisfied look on Kaoru's face. It meant he hadn't said the wrong thing. Smiling, he leaned in for a gentle kiss.

Kaoru hooked an elbow at the back of Die's head and kissed him back, sliding his tongue gently around the other man's full bottom lip, requesting entry. Die made a soft sound into the kiss and parted his lips slightly, allowing Kaoru the access he wished. Kaoru snuck his tongue in and wrapped it around Die's, giving a little moan and sliding his arms tighter around Die, spreading his legs on the counter to pull the other closer. Die's own tongue played back, curling around Kaoru's as he shifted closer in his arms. Something about the contact calmed him beyond belief. Kaoru's fingers looped in the back belt loops of Die's dark jeans and pulled him flush against his body, snaking his tongue back out and sucking at the other's full lips, savoring the simple bliss of feeling him so close. 

It took Die a few minutes before he finally pulled back and breathlessly laughed. "Umm... Kaoru, if I were physically a guy, you'd be giving me a boner." He just thought he'd be really clear about that.

Kaoru blushed, feeling girly. "Nn... sorry?" He laughed a little, carding his fingers through Die's hair and tilting his head to the side. "I really love this..."

Die chuckled softly and shook his head. "Nope... no 'sorry's. It should make you proud."

Kaoru offered a little shrug, grinning. "I guess so..." He ran a hand down Die's arm, stroking it. "What do you want to do, kid? It's only nine, do you have to work in the morning?"

"Yeah... I have to go in," he murmured softly. But he wasn't so sure he really cared right then.

A little nod as Kaoru leaned forward and gave him another little kiss. "I... I have my camera with me." He bit his lips, giving Die an exaggerated begging look. "Could I maybe take some shots of you?"

Die had figured that would come at some point and today was as good as any. He nodded. "Is there a dryer for my swimsuit? Maybe we can start with that and work our way down to nude?"

Kaoru nodded, sliding off the counter and heading into the guest room. "I don't know how innocent I'll be able to do them in that fucking bikini, but, we'll see. I wish I had some panties or something from Yuuko with me."

Die laughed softly. "Hmm... maybe I could leave this on over the bikini?" That was about the only other option he had really. Unless of course they were going to steal some of this person's panties, which he didn't think they'd appreciate much.

Kaoru shrugged. "Actually... if you feel comfortable enough, I'd like to just do nude. We can cover you up in sheets to start off if you like."

Die blushed a bit and bit his lip. "Can we do at least one in the bikini? For my mother?" It seemed pointless almost, but to him it was probably the last thing he'd ever give to her before she refused to stop accepting his calls or his visits. The moment she found out her _daughter_ wasn't going to be that even in body ever again, she'd flip shit.

Kaoru shook with laughter at that, taking the towel with the swimsuit in it and padding down the hall to the laundry room. Die followed Kaoru down the hall, leaning against the wall when they got to the machines. He smirked. "Kind of my backhanded 'fuck you' gift I guess." Kaoru laughed again, tossing the bikini and the towel into the dryer. "Definitely. There's a little bitch in you, I love it."

Die gave him a lopsided grin. "Yeah well... pissing me off isn't a good thing to do. My family gets to learn that the hard way."

Kaoru leaned against the dryer, running his fingers through his hair. "Actually... one of the reasons I asked you, you know, where this is going is that... well, eventually, I'd really like you to meet _my_ family." He tried his best to play it off like it wasn't a big deal.

Die tilted his head a little and then shifted his position against the wall. "Oh? As um... this me?" he gestured at himself and then at the dryer, "or as that me?" What he meant was outwardly as a girl as or as a guy.

Kaoru was giving Die that crazy look again. "As _you_ , baby, so as a guy. Besides, my parents have finally started to accept that I'm queer, I don't need to be giving them any false hopes. That you were born a woman is none of their business, and they wouldn't understand it, anyway."

Die nodded a bit and then smiled. That made him feel a ton better. "If you think they can take the heartache, then... sure." He didn't really have a problem with meeting Kaoru's parents. In fact, it sounded kind of fun.

A tiny kiss was pressed to Die's ear. "They'll love you. Especially my dad, he hates that I don't fish. Though I'll warn you now, my mom can be a tough nut to crack, Seung called her the Dragon Lady," he made a displeased face, "but don't let her fool you. She's just a hard-ass."

Die laughed at the name. "Okay, got it. So don't let your mom discourage me and take your dad fishing for some 'male bonding'. Check."

A shy grin graced Kaoru’s lips and he opened the dryer, feeling to see if the bikini was dry, which it was, and he pulled it out, letting the towel continue to cycle. "Here you go. I'll go get my camera. Meet me out by the pool?"

Die accepted the bikini and then nodded, padding back down the hall and into the bedroom, once again stripping off and carefully putting the bikini back on. He licked his lips and then as an afterthought, he grabbed his strap-on out of the bag and headed out to the pool. He had the idea that Kaoru might want something along those lines for one or two shots as well... something different.

Kaoru had already stripped down, his jogging pants and hoodie in a patio chair with a big pair of fashionable sunglasses on top of them. He'd turned on the outdoor lights for some better lighting and stood now in the shallow end of the pool with his big Nikon around his neck. He raised a brow at the strap-on in Die's hand but said nothing, pointing at his sunglasses. "Put those on and come sit at the edge."

Die nodded, placing the strap-on down and grabbing the glasses instead. He put on the sunglasses and then came down to where Kaoru instructed, settling on the edge of the pool. "Tell me how you want me to pose," he murmured softly.

Kaoru smirked, wading over to him. "I know you were never a girly girl, but please God tell me the gay in you afforded at least one thumb-through of Vogue or Elle or something... if we're going to shoot you in a bikini in a goddamned mansion, we'd better do it right." His smile turned mischievous. "Put one heel on the edge, dangle your other leg in the water, lean back on one hand and we'll start from there. Have fun!" He backed up again and raised his camera.

Die blinked. He'd heard of the magazines and seen them on his mother's shelf a few times. The only thing he'd ever thumbed through though was actually his father's 'secret stash' under the sink at the point in his life where he was trying to be girly... and failing miserably. "Uh... does Maxim count?" He grinned a little and then shifted, following Kaoru's instructions, rotating his body a little to show more to the camera, back arched.

If Kaoru wasn't already so gaga for Die, that alone might have been reason to call it off. Instead, he sighed, snapping a shot, lucky that Die was naturally long and modelesque. "No, it doesn't, but I suppose it's a start." He moved around in the water, finding different angles, instructing Die to try and find the light with his face. "Don't try to look sexy, it will just end up slutty. Instead, look like you're bored. I know that sounds crazy, but I promise, it will look amazing."

Die blushed a bit. "Okay..." he shifted again and again, trying hard to look bored rather than sexy. After a few minutes he finally piped up softly, "Oh, I've read Cosmopolitan once." Again, that had been years ago, but he thought it might be closer than Maxim was.

Kaoru chuckled. "Thank God, you nearly disappointed me. At least they have fashion ads." He took a few more shots and then lowered his camera from his face. "So... what ideas did you have with the strap-on, exactly?"

Die stretched out on his stomach and then yawned cutely. "Mmm... I was thinking it would show what I wish to become after we show what I am now."

"Your big silicon erection wasn't exactly what I had in mind for that, but, I'll trust you. Go put it on."

Die laughed softly, getting up and dusting off. After a brief moment of hesitation, he began to undo the bikini, letting it fall to the ground in tiny strips of cloth. Once he was done, he hitched on his strap-on and then came back. "We'll just do both ways... this way and whatever way you had in mind, yeah?"

Kaoru paused. "I'm not sure if I could capture what I'd like in photos... what makes you male to me is your smile, and the sparkle in your eyes, your charm... the way you kiss me. I don't think photos can do that justice."

Die just sank back down to pose, trying to demurely hide the cock behind his thigh for the shot. "You can certainly try... not like it's going to waste film," he murmured softly, smiling at Kaoru.

The shutter clicked. Kaoru licked his lips, trying to find something interesting that wasn't blatantly too pornographic or shock value about Die sitting there with a plastic erection and supple tits. It took some serious ingenuity, he was not about to make his lover look like some tranny slut freak show, or Dykes Bangin' Volume 7. "Cross your legs, Indian style, and rest your chin in your hand, elbow on your knee."

The redhead shifted, doing what he was told to do, staring off past the camera as if something there was almost sad. Expressions, he could do and he wondered if that was better than bored. Kaoru would tell him if it wasn't, he was sure.

Kaoru snapped a few dozen shots until he seemed satisfied, then got out of the pool, setting his camera down and drying off, putting his clothes back on. "Come on, sexy. I wanted to do some low light nude stuff in the bedroom." Well, that had sounded dirty.

Die smirked at him and then laughed, catching the dirty sound of the comment. He got up and carefully removed the strap-on. Padding back over to the lounge chair by the door, he picked up his other stuff and then headed inside, making a beeline for the bedroom.

Kaoru mussed the white comforter and marigold sheets, gesturing for Die to lay down as he changed some of the settings on his camera for the new lighting, wanting to get a few shots, mostly shoulders up, of Die laughing or blushing, one of his favorite expressions from the other. The redhead crawled up on the bed, shifting over the covers and then curling up on his side, biting his lip and waiting to be instructed. Kaoru leaned forward, planting a short kiss on Die's lips and then leaning back. He wanted Die to be himself, but he had to be sneaky, having learned years ago that telling people to be themselves generally made them do the exact opposite.

Die blushed a little, but kissed him back. He looked away then, playing with the edge of the comforter for a moment. He figured Kaoru would tell him what he wanted him to do when he wanted him to do it. Kaoru smiled at him, snapping a photo. "Hey... do ya love me?" he asked in a cute voice, trying to get Die to blush, then realizing what he had said and fighting not to baulk or kick himself.

Die blushed brightly, peering up at Kaoru from under the fringe of his bangs. He didn't answer, but he was certainly starting to feel like he might be. It was still too early for him to say it though.

Kaoru moved right along, taking the photo, having gotten the reaction he needed, and leaving the awkward moment behind. He moved to straddle Die to get shots from above, tickling his sides. Die squirmed, flailing around and giggling madly. Kaoru had found his weakness, his sides were incredibly ticklish. Kaoru laughed loudly, taking a quick succession of shots. "I'll have to remember that... I love your smile."

Die blushed and rubbed at his sides. "Just don't do it if I'm drunk." The last time someone had done that - years ago - it had ended badly. He'd tell Kaoru why if he wanted to know, but not without the prompting of being asked.

Another laugh as he leaned down to kiss Die again. "Got it. But really, with that smile? You could sell sand to a camel." Die grinned up at him for that one. Such an expression he'd never heard, but it did sound like it fit.

Kaoru took a few more photos, then got up, digging out his tripod and quickly setting up the camera beside the bed, then stripping off his baggy hoodie and stretching himself out over Die. "Come on, tiger. Gimme a big, sloppy kiss." He shined a goofy grin, supporting himself on his arms, his hands stroking at Die's bare shoulders. He'd set the camera to take a photo ever two seconds for a full minute. For a brief moment, Die bit his lip and then he leaned up, catching Kaoru's lips with his own and kissing him rather passionately, his tongue coming out to play quickly.

A pleased moan left Kaoru, rumbling through his chest into Die's, a smile pressed to Die's lips, but he slowly snuck his tongue out to lap at the tip of his lover's, one hand wrapping around the crimson hair. Die made a rough moaning sound at that, enjoying flicking his tongue against Kaoru's own. It felt so nice... pleasant and warm.

Kaoru rolled his hips slightly into Die's, sucking at his tongue for a moment and then nibbling his lips, kissing him a little longer after the shutter stopped clicking, and then pulling back, smiling down at the redhead, hair hanging into his face. Die smiled up at him, blushing faintly and then reaching up to push Kaoru's hair back from his face, holding it there for a moment before using the hold to pull him back down. "You're not allowed to get me all riled up and then stop..."

A strangled gasp caught in Kaoru's throat and he whined, panting against Die's lips. " _Shit_ , don't pull so hard..." He moved his head to lessen the tension, his dick growing obviously aroused against Die's hip. "Nn, I think I'm up for another go. You?" 

Die chuckled softly. "I can feel that... and you bet your sweet ass," he murmured before sealing their lips together and moving to loop his arms around Kaoru's neck instead of tugging on his hair.

A happy sigh seeped from Kaoru’s lips and he rested his full weight against the other, rolling his hips again. After a moment, he pulled back and crawled backwards off the bed, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his jogging pants and pulling it away from his body. "So... how do you want me?" His river-silt colored eyes were swimming with mischief and he licked his lips, making them shine.

Die watched him, his eyes dark and his cheeks covered in a blush. After a moment, he cleared his throat and then whispered softly, "I want... you to take me like I've already had my surgeries... please?" He hoped that request was clear enough.

Kaoru raised a brow, and then nodded. "OK..." He pulled the waistband over his hips and let the pants dropped, kicking them across the room and then moving his camera so they wouldn't knock it over, crawling back up on the bed. "Any position suggestions? Or should we put this session on random?" He gave a slimy wink, laughing at his own sleaziness.

Die bit his lip and then without saying anything just flipped over onto his stomach, spreading his legs and presenting his ass in the air.

Kaoru bit his lip and purred, giving Die's ass a hard smack as he got up on his knees. "Lube? I haven't got any, but I might be able to find some."

He yelped at the smack, but pushed his butt further in the air, having liked that and wanting more, but unwilling to say so. "In my bag," he whispered.

Kaoru moved to go to the bag and then stopped, doing a double take, an evil smile creeping upon his lips. He scooted up behind Die, one hand sneaking down to rub at the offended ass cheek. "You liked that, didn't you?" Die blushed something awful, tucking his head down against the pillow and whimpering a little as his response. Kaoru squeezed his ass, growling against Die's shoulders. "Mmmhmmhmm," he chuckled darkly. "Dirty boy, you did, didn't you?" He gave a teasing, light pat. "Have you been bad?"

Rather than answering the first question, he answered the second with, "Oh yes... yes I have... terrible."

"Oh, really?" Kaoru gave another pat, this one harder. "How bad? What has my bad boy done?" He winced a little, he hated dirty talk, but he couldn't help but rile Die up, especially when it was so cake-walk easy.

Die whimpered, wanting more than a pat, his butt sticking up higher. "I was naked by the pool... and... and... I masturbated in the shower!" He said it in such a way that he almost sounded rueful for doing it, despite the fact that he wasn't at all.

Kaoru raised his hand and let it fall back down, hard, but not too harsh. "Ooh! You _are_ bad!"

Die moaned loudly at the smack, rubbing his face into the pillow before he whimpered, "More... please."

Kaoru's dick poked Die in the back of the thigh and he leaned over him, biting his shoulder lightly and slapping his ass harder in three quick swipes. "How much do you want?" He'd played around a little with spanking; he didn't want to go too buck-wild before he knew Die's pain threshold.

The redhead whined softly and then cried out at the smacks. That was good... very very good. He arched even more before whispering, "I'll say mercy when I've had enough."

With a nod, Kaoru backed up on his knees, one hand trailing down Die's back and resting at the small of it, rearing back and letting a hard slap rain down. With one hand, he opened the lube and poured some of his fingers, rubbing it around with his thumb and rubbing at the pink bud. "I'd feel bad punishing for no reason... I need some more confessions."

Die whined, trying desperately to find something else to confess. After a few moments, he found some things and pushed back against the finger. "I got off thinking about you even when you were mad at me and I thought you'd never come back."

Kaoru slipped a finger in and landed another hit across the other ass cheek. "For clarification, I wasn't mad at you. Just shocked, and confused. But that's still bad."

Die moaned as that finger slid in, his ass clenching around it for a few moments before he settled down. The hit caused him to clench up again as he gasped. Wiggling for a moment, he relaxed again and nodded. "I liked it when you licked at my pussy." To him, that was damn close to the biggest sin ever.

"Horrible!" Another hard slap, and then another. Kaoru started to push the finger in and out, licking up Die's spine to his ear. "Though... I have to take it as a compliment."

He squirmed a little and moaned, cheeks flushed and his eyes closed. If Kaoru so much as looked down, he'd see the evidence of Die's arousal quite clearly. "Please..." he whispered, now having no idea what he was asking please about.

Kaoru nibbled at Die's earlobe, sliding in another finger and working it around. "Unless you have any more confessions," he squeezed his ass, hard, "I think you've been punished enough. Time for a little reward for being a good, honest boy?" His voice toned up at the end of the question, pulling out the last syllable before he traced the edge of the shell of Die's ear with the tip of his tongue.

Die let out a soft whine when Kaoru pulled his finger free. "Y-yes," he whispered, squirming around and trying to spread his thighs a bit more.

Kaoru leaned back, pouring more lube in his hand and fisting it around his cock, his clean fingers drawing light patterns over Die's back, pressing himself against his lover, hand slipping up to wrap in Die's hair, giving it a soft pull. "Ready?"

"Yes," he breathed out, arching hard back toward him and licking his lips. He did his best to relax, waiting on that cock to come into his body. Kaoru took a big breath and counted to three, silently, then slid in, slow and to the hilt, grasping Die's hip with his other hand and tugging his hair harder. 

Die's cry rang out sharp in the room as Kaoru pushed into him. So tight... his body clamped down around him and he strained to try and relax. After a few moments, he managed and breathed out a soft sound of relief.

Kaoru leaned over Die, cupped against his back, arms supporting him on either side of his lover, one hand slipping over Die's and lacing their fingers, squeezing his hand as he gave a short thrust. "Tell me how you want it, baby." 

Die squirmed under Kaoru, finally settling once he was good and comfortable. "Hard," he breathed out without hesitation. A single nod. Kaoru started slow, but there was force behind his thrusts, his tongue and teeth leaving a red, wet trail across Die's shoulders as he started to pick up his pace, noticing the faint scratches from where he'd clawed Die earlier and realizing he'd get to cum in him again. The quickening of pace made Die moan deep and rough. He liked this, the jarring force behind the thrusts pushing his face into the pillow each time. He pushed back against Kaoru, moaning louder, trying to help with the thrusts.

"Oh, baby," Kaoru all but whispered, fitting himself against Die's back and hiding his face against the long, slender throat, having to count thrusts in increments of fifteen to himself to keep his wits somewhat about him, the sound of flesh slapping together sounding loud and treble-sharp, echoing back off the walls, almost hurting his ears under the rush of his own breath and the thundering of his blood pounding as his ears as his cock did the same to his lover's ass, keeping rhythm with it as his pulse escalated.

It really wasn't long before Die just couldn't stand it anymore. He pushed himself up a little more and slid one hand under his body, long slim digits finding what would eventually be his dick and trying Kaoru's trick of grasping it between forefinger and thumb. He didn't even have to move, the thrusts from Kaoru giving him the friction he needed as he cried out, over and over.

Kaoru's hand went over Die's, moving it over his cock, his lips sucking hungrily at the flesh of his neck, leaving a dark, angry mark. His breath was ragged and labored, unable to even speak, just moaning, hammering into Die. A few more minutes went by before Die started to tense up, his body trembling harshly. Three more thrusts came and then he damn near screamed, body starting to spasm as he orgasmed.

Kaoru moved his hand up and clamped an arm around Die's waist, clinging to him, his movements becoming erratic as he felt the other peak, choking on his own breath and then freezing, quivering with tension, letting out a near sob as aching waves of pleasure capsized any ship of cognitive thought in him and his dick pulsated, staining his lover's inside with the hot evidence of his release.

Die could barely hold himself up under Kaoru while the other drove himself to the edge. Once he felt that warmth spilling inside his body, he collapsed against the bed, gasping for air, his entire form trembling. Kaoru let himself slip out of Die as the other fell to the mattress, a few last drops of cum falling and dotting the other's thigh like little warm, liquid pearls. He leaned with his forehead pressed between Die's shoulder blades, still up on his knees, legs trembling, having to put forth rather a great deal of effort to keep his breathing from being little more than hysteric gasps, his lungs burning, body worn.

Die squirmed around after a minute, trying to roll over so he could get a hold of Kaoru. But he was kind of... stuck. Kaoru tiredly shifted over, flopping down onto the bed beside Die, the cool pillow feeling wonderful against his flushed face and he gave a contented groan. Once he was free, Die finally rolled over, his arms wrapping around Kaoru's body, one leg shifting over him as he nuzzled against him.

Kaoru laid there limply, eyes closed, his only real movement, other than the heaving of his chest as he breathed, being his fingers over Die's arm wrapped around him. After a few minutes, Die kissed at his shoulder and then sighed softly, flopping his head down and closing his eyes. "Tired..." he murmured, wondering if he could just sleep here and leave early to get ready for work in the morning.

"Mm, I'm sorry, baby. You're gonna be a zombie at work tomorrow because of me." He rubbed Die's arm and nuzzled him back, his obsidian voice hoarse.

Die yawned and shook his head. "Like they give a rat's ass. As long as I turn in something by the end of each week, they could care less if I sit on my ass for four days and produce on the fifth." Which was pretty much the truth. No one ever disturbed Die and he always got his work done. So it was actually kind of irrelevant how or when he did things so long as he showed up at the beginning of the day and left at the end of it. "Can I just stay here? I'll set an alarm for six and that should give me enough time to go home and change."

Kaoru nodded, sitting up and untangling himself from Die, standing, stumbling a bit on weak legs and rubbing at an eye. "That's fine. Let me go turn off lights, lock doors, all that, and grab a quick shower." He smiled sleepily, leaning down to kiss Die before padding, naked, out of the room. Die nodded, smiling softly at him. After a minute or so, he got up and went to rummage around in his bag, finding his phone and setting the alarm on it for six am. What a terrible time in the morning. But it was so worth it in comparison to having no one in his life to care about him. He smiled as he settled the phone on the dresser and then went to the bathroom. He washed up a little so he wasn't sticky and then used the restroom really fast. Washing his hands, he came back out and slid into the bed, curling up and pulling the covers over himself. He issued another wide yawn and then sniffed a little before closing his eyes.

Kaoru came in several minutes later, flipping off the light and sliding between the sheets, spooning against Die's back and tucking an arm around his waist, taking in a deep breath through his nose, a lungful of that scent he'd come to so love, and was asleep by the time the last of it had left him in a sigh.


	12. Chapter 11

Kaoru had spent the next few weeks trying to focus on his work so that he could get it out of the way and feel un-distracted while he was helping Die recover, but it was difficult with the surgery looming. The night before, he'd sat around fretting, cleaning things that were already cleaned, looking through the raw shots he'd taken of Die, moving the mouse to change a setting, but never making a single alteration. At last he laid down and pretended to sleep for a few hours, waking again before the sun rose, taking a jog to clear his head (or try) and coming home for a quick shower before finally driving to Die's apartment to take him to the hospital, trying to ignore how nauseous his nerves made him.

Die, on the other hand, was eerily calm. It was as if something had shifted inside of him that told him everything would simply fall into place the way it was meant to be. He took a few of his own pictures, a few 'memories' so to speak and then set out his post-surgery bag, going to sleep early since he figured truly sleeping was going to be rough for a while. He had the next week off of work and for that much, he was at least thankful. He'd taken medical leave of absence and they hadn't questioned a single thing with the doctor's note he'd waved in their faces.

On the morning of his appointment, he got up a few hours before Kaoru was supposed to arrive, showered well and then dressed. He waited, frustrated that he couldn't eat or drink anything at all, his stomach growling loudly at him. But the last thing he wanted to do was toss his cookies all over the doctor.

When the knock came at his door, he shouldered his bag, put on his brave face and stepped out to meet Kaoru.

Kaoru immediately wrapped him in a hug, key ring looped around his middle finger. "Morning, sugar... you ready to go?" The air had a frosty, wet clearness to it that felt too still, the back of Kaoru's throat sore, like he'd stayed up all night, nearly true, and it certainly didn't help that he'd smoked one cigarette after another all the way to Die's. 

Die smiled softly and hugged Kaoru back, doing it tightly because right then he could and later... he probably wouldn't be able to without hurting himself. "Yeah... I'm ready," he replied quietly. Together they left the building and stepped outside. Die looked up and pondered the weather. Perhaps the air found his choice to be one to mourn... or so the weather seemed. 

"I think you're less nervous than I am," Kaoru said quietly, feeling like his voice in the still, early morning air was too loud, like even the air was still only waking up and couldn't be bothered to be moved so much. He took a step back, taking the bag for him. When Kaoru took his bag from him, he let it go without protest, only glancing at Kaoru when he spoke up, offering him a lopsided smile. "Ah... I guess I just already went through the nervous and now I'm to the 'let's get this the hell over with' stage." He moved to Kaoru's car and waited on him to open the doors, shivering a little.

Kaoru unlocked it with the remote, putting Die's bag in the back seat and then getting in and starting the engine. He backed out of the space and started towards the hospital, unable to break the silence, not really sure what to say in that instant.

Die slipped into his seat and just sat there, staring out the window as they pulled out and started their journey. It took him a long time, but finally when they were almost there, he whispered - almost not loud enough to be heard, "You're the only person who's ever really mattered to me." It wasn't quite a confession of love, but it was achingly close... and the way he said it made it clear that he meant it that way.

Kaoru was glad they were at a stop light when Die uttered those words, because all he could do before the car behind him started honking that the light had changed, was stare at Die, shell shocked. He finally pulled forward through the light, feeling tears glisten in his eyes, reaching to take Die's hand and bring it to his lips to kiss, holding it against his chest, thumb stroking the back of it. He stayed silent, still, but he was smiling, heaving a small sigh as he spotted the hospital a few blocks up.   
Kaoru wasn't the only one affected. Die's own eyes were filled with tears that didn't bother stopping at the threshold of his eyelids. They spilled over and down his cheeks, warm little droplets raining down on his old, worn t-shirt. He sniffled a bit and eventually had to retrieve his hand from Kaoru in order to dig in his pocket for some tissue to wipe his eyes and then blow his nose.

Kaoru pulled into the hospital lot, parking way at the back and turning to Die and smoothing a hand over his hair, his knuckles coming down to brush away a stray tear. Fear stuck in his throat. "Baby? What's wrong, are the nerves getting to you?"

He shook his head a little. "No... I just..." he sighed. When he continued, his voice was soft, strained with the effort of talking through tears. "I started thinking about how if something went wrong while I'm under... that I wanted to at least have told you how I feel." With that, another wave of tears fell down his cheeks, splashing over Kaoru's fingers as Die peered over at him.

Again, Kaoru felt frozen, the words feeling like a physical jolt through him and his own tears returned full force, his lip quivering. "Die..." Shit, he couldn't even say his name, it sounded like a jinx. "Daisuke," he leaned across the car, pressing his forehead against his lover's temple. "I can't even think about that... at this point I don't care how stupid it might seem just because we haven't been together that long. I don't know what I'd do without you..." A sharp gasp of breath past his heartsick tight chest. "Nobody has ever made such a, a, a... a swift impact on my life. I can't even imagine that that could be over so soon. It tears me to pieces."

Die fumbled with his seatbelt, pulling it off and crawling closer, regardless of the handbrake in the way. He threw his arms around Kaoru, sniffling as the tears just kept coming. Okay, so maybe he wasn't so calm after all. "Y-you accept me," he whispered, clinging to Kaoru with all his strength. He shivered a little, the cold still getting to him, even now. "I don't want to lose that."

Kaoru cradled him, not holding back, knowing they needed to get this out properly. He pressed his face to Die's hair and shook his head. "No, I don't just accept you. I love you." He held him a while longer, then pulled back. "And you _wont_ lose me because everything's going to be fine and in another twelve or sixteen hours I'll be driving you home, and I'll still be here with you, and I probably will be for as long as you'll let me."

Die sniffled, sticking his face against Kaoru's neck and just breathing in his scent, trying to calm down. He listened to those words, not feeling so lost when he heard the word love used. This time, it just felt like something that needed to be said, something that was more of a truth than maybe it was before. After all, it had been nearly two months and they had done nothing but get along splendidly.

Once he managed to stop crying, he remained there, rubbing his cheek against Kaoru's shirt. Their time together, so close for so long without a break would tell them a lot, he was sure. For at least the first week he'd need someone constantly there at his side and Kaoru was that person. He leaned back and looked up into the other man's eyes, reaching to gently push some violet strands from Kaoru's face. "Promise?"

Kaoru caught him at the back of his head, pulling him into an insistent, but soft kiss. "Promise."

Die kissed him back for a long moment before pulling back and leaning back in the seat. His phone alarm went off, telling him he had twenty minutes before he was supposed to be entirely checked in. Swallowing hard, he pulled out his phone, dismissed the alarm and then shut the phone off. "I have one important question for you... can I put you as an emergency contact and as someone who the doctor can give my medical information to? Otherwise they can't tell you even how I'm doing...."

Kaoru took off his seat belt and the keys out of the ignition. "Of course, baby, yeah." He stepped out of the car and grabbed Die's bag from the back, going around and opening the passenger door for the redhead. "I guess there's no use trying to put this off any longer..."

Die shook his head and sighed, getting out when Kaoru opened the door for him. He waited on his bag and then headed inside, going to the desk and starting the process of checking in and getting the paperwork to add Kaoru to the list of people able to know about his condition.

Kaoru stood just behind him, Die's bag over his shoulder, fidgeting, his eyes shifting back and forth. The smell of bleach and surgical rubber, of gauze and the copper tang of blood hinting underneath burned his nostrils; the people sitting in ghastly colored chairs (puke green, muted orange, sickly teal) dotting along the hallways making him feel twitchy, the white lab coats on doctors and baggy green scrubs on nurses seeming sinister. He hated - absolutely loathed - hospitals.

Die wasn't fairing much better, his eyes darting around the area as he paid for the visit, wincing terribly at the dent in his credit cart. There went the last five paychecks... if rent and necessities hadn't already cost him those. He sighed. Everything for a price and since this was considered 'unnecessary' surgery, it wasn't covered at all by his insurance. He signed the bill, feeling like he was signing his life away and then grabbed the clipboard with the paperwork and headed for the waiting area. He chose the seats off to the side, tucked in a corner and sat gingerly on the very edge of a seat, looking kind of grossed out. Hospitals said they were the cleanest things around, but he never went in one without getting sick, so he tended to disagree. He'd probably be laid up in bed and manage a cold on top of it all by the time they left.

Kaoru followed him and sat down beside him, putting one hand on his knee and the other nervously checking his phone, a compulsive nervous habit. His leg shook, he couldn't control it, nor did he notice it, and he squeezed Die's knee a little more. Die, however, did notice his lover's nervousness, but he didn't say anything. It wasn't like he could change it, after all. He quickly filled out both pages of paperwork and then sat there, waiting for his name to be called.

They just sat, quietly. Kaoru kind of liked it that way, because he wasn't sure if he could speak right now, hoping maybe, by some miracle, he'd be allowed to stay in the room while they prepped Die for surgery so he would maybe feel a little more in control, and therefore less like he might faint or vomit, as he did presently.

A slim woman in green finally came out, calling Die's name. He stood, looking nervous still as he padded off after the woman, motioning for Kaoru to follow. He explained that Kaoru was his 'significant other' and that he'd filled out the forms for him to be able to receive all relevant information. She accepted the form, took all his vitals and then told him to change into the stupid patterned hospital gown. The entire time she kept calling him 'ma'am' and Die's irritation increased exponentially. By the time she left, he was twitching a little, looking after her with a half-snarl. "Stupid people who don't understand shouldn't be fucking working here," he muttered under his breath.

Kaoru had stood out of the way, grinding his teeth, stepping forward to take one of Die's hands in both of his, shushing him calmly. "Don't get yourself worked up, baby, just let it go."

Kaoru's touch somehow made it better, Die simply holding Kaoru's hand until he felt a little less like exploding. Finally, he let go and started stripping off, carefully folding his clothing on the chair next to the one Kaoru was sitting in and then climbing back onto the bed once he had the smock on. He glanced at Kaoru and then laughed softly. "Hey... want to say goodbye to them?" He was, of course, talking about his breasts.

Kaoru bit his lip and smiled, then nodded. "Yeah, I kinda do." He chuckled and stepped forward, kissing his lover's lips softly as he reached to pull the hospital gown forward off his shoulders, exposing his breasts. He leaned back and his hands cupped their weight, felt the soft skin, and admired their perfect shape one last time. A little lovingly, he leaned down and gave each one a rather sucking, tongue kiss to the nipple, pressing them together and nuzzling his face in between. "Mmm... farewell, ladies. It was nice knowing you." The entire experience made Die shiver a bit, arching toward his lover's touch, a blush touching his cheeks at the thought that they were doing this in the hospital. But at the words, he laughed loudly and then grinned at Kaoru.

Kaoru winked and lifted a hand to stroke a thumb across Die's cheek, going to put Die's clothes in his bag and then settling down beside him on the bed.

Die just sat there, looking kind of lost. After a few minutes, he curled up around Kaoru and buried his head against his neck. After a few minutes, the doctor came in, explaining calmly to him how the procedure would go. After a few minutes, they asked him to lay back and started an IV on him, explaining that the meds they were giving him would probably knock him out in a matter of minutes. He did as was instructed, looking over at Kaoru, his eyes full of his emotions as he stared up at the other man.

Kaoru stroked his hair, kissing his brow, moving when the doctor came in and having to step back when they ran the IV, looking away. He grimaced, then looked back at Die, offering him a smile and moving back to the edge of the bed, taking his hand. "You hang in there, tiger," he whispered, fighting back tears. The drugs were fast, his eyes were already starting to close when Kaoru called him tiger. He managed a smile. "Tiger," he murmured before completely passing out.

Kaoru's breath hitched in his throat but he managed to keep it together, leaning down to kiss Die gently, laying his hand back down. The doctor let him walk with the gurney to the doors of the operating room, where he took a seat, alone in the hall. For the first hour, his mind raced, and nothing he did could distract him from the image of Die just past those doors, laid out and cut open, bleeding and being stitched back together. He paced, tried to read a book, or read jokes on his phone and finally settled on listening to Dead Can Dance, earbuds feeling uncomfortable in his ears. Mercifully, he finally sank into the music, and his lack of sleep from the night before allowed him to doze off in the chair, head tilted back against the wall, outstretched legs crossed at the ankle, his hands clasped in his lap, the picture of he and Die together just a month or so before displayed on his phone, cradled against his forearm.

The drugs thankfully kept Die out the entire time, allowing him to simply float somewhere inside his own dreams. _In his mind, he was out on a boat, the gentle bobbing of it carrying him further and further from shore. His fishing pole was in the water but he wasn't catching anything. Unusual, but not unheard of, especially in a boat. He kept thinking someone was behind him but every time he moved to look there, no one was in the boat with him. Regardless, each time he felt that, he turned his head to look, the result always leaving him disappointed._

Almost two hours passed before they finally wheeled Die out of the OR and down the hall to one of the recovery rooms. He was, of course, still out cold, that dream on a never-ending loop in his mind.Kaoru stayed asleep, dreamlessly, his body tense enough to keep him from sliding out of the chair, his fingers twitching and toying minutely at the braided red string bracelet he'd made that morning before going to pick Die up, and old superstitious charm for luck.

One of the nurses came by and gently shook Kaoru awake, quietly letting him know where Die was taken to and that he could come sit in that room if he wished.

Kaoru jerked awake, nearly hitting the nurse in the face when he reached to yank out the headphones. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to come back to the world. "Everything went fine? He's okay?" he asked, following down the hall to the room.

"Everything went fine during the surgery," the nurse assured him. "He will take a while to wake up and the meds will probably keep him rather... spacey." And that was probably putting it lightly. She led him into the room where Die was laying under a pristine white sheet. He looked a little pale and was still out cold.

Kaoru nodded and thanked her, closing the door and walking slowly to the edge of Die's bed, letting out a happy sigh to see him. He leaned over, brushing a limp strand of crimson hair away from his forehead, and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. The last few times they'd spent the night together, he'd watched Die sleep, and had become rather obsessed with kissing the other while he was unawares. Seeing as he didn't have to worry about waking Die, really, Kaoru kissed him for a long moment, his fingers brushing over his sheet covered shoulder carefully, tongue sliding between his lover's lips and over his perfect teeth. He sucked at his mouth a little and then pulled away, looking into Die's unconscious face. "I'm so glad you're alright."

_In Die's dream, the boat dipped and the presence became stronger. With a sigh, he turned to look, knowing there would be nothing behind him. But there was... Kaoru was there, his fishing pole in hand. Die grinned happily at him. "Nice of you to show up." Kaoru cast off, his form perfect, maybe better than Die's own. He smiled happily. "See... I knew you'd learn to love it." Kaoru didn't answer, only smiling and continuing to fish. For some reason, Die didn't find it odd._

Kaoru pulled a chair over to the bed and settled into it, taking Die's thin hand and staring at his sleeping face, patiently waiting for him to come around.

 _Inside Die's mind, the dream continued for a long time. The sun started to set and the boat started to drift toward the shore. Still, Kaoru was there, eternally casting and reeling the line in, but never catching anything._ In reality, Die started to stir, his eyelids fluttering and his fingers twitching.

Kaoru had spaced out after the first forty five minutes, but then he felt Die's fingers twitch in his hand and he snapped back, alert. He leaned forward, watching Die expectantly, giving his hand a little squeeze.

It took a while longer but the boat hit the shore and suddenly Die snorted himself awake, his arm jerking and his eyes snapping open. "Watch out for the bottom of the boat!" he slurred, looking kind of freaked out.

Kaoru gave a shriek at the sudden outburst, then laughed, rubbing Die's arm and leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "Welcome back, baby."

Die blinked around, confused for a moment at the lack of a boat. But then it settled in... the drugs... the surgery... oh yeah. He scrunched up his eyes. "Bright..." his fingers curled tighter around Kaoru's.

"Aaaw..." Kaoru cupped his other hand over Die's eyes to try and shield them from the glaring fluorescent lights, kissing his lips softly. "How are you feeling?"

He looked over at Kaoru, his mind registering the question. But when he opened his mouth all that came out was, "Your form was great, but you're a lousy fisherman... don't catch a damn thing."

Another small laugh. "What are you talking about, silly?" He nuzzled his nose into Die's cheek and then sat back, realizing he was smothering him and he probably needed some space. "I'm going to take that to mean you're still high as a kite on pain killers."

"On the boat," Die insisted. "And you were invisible... never told me you could do that." It still didn't seem strange to him that he was rambling on about a dream like it was real.

Kaoru just couldn't help himself, replying, "A man's gotta have his secrets." He tilted his head, smiling a little sadly at Die. "I missed you."

Die gave a tiny nod. "I suppose." The next comment made him blink and he smiled. "But you were right there." Something seemed a little more 'correct' about his answer then.

Kaoru dropped the issue, just shaking his head with a little laugh and kissing Die's wrist.

After a few minutes, Die closed his eyes and just rested a bit. After about twenty minutes, he opened his eyes again and then yawned. "Starting to hurt," he murmured.

Kaoru's brows furrowed at that and he stood up, peeking his head out the door to flag down a nurse to give Die more pain killers.

Die dazedly watched Kaoru, his head lolling to the side. When the nurse showed up, Die repeated his prior statement, informing her that it hurt and then explaining how when she probed him about it. She left and a few minutes later, the doctor came in holding a prescription and giving it to Kaoru rather than to Die. He informed them that Die could leave as soon as he was able to stand up and that they should put the binder on and then left as he was paged to the OR.

Kaoru sat down on the edge of Die's bed, having gotten a glass of water after the doctor left, tapping out one pill into his palm and handing it to Die, then offering the water. "Here, sugar, it will help numb the pain."

Die watched Kaoru and then slowly started to try to sit up, wincing terribly and then quickly accepting the pill and water. This hurt far worse. Tears filled his eyes and then spilled over down his pale cheeks. "I want to go..."

Kaoru quickly scuttled up behind Die, urging him to lean back against his chest. "Oh, Die... you just woke up from surgery, I don't think it's such a great idea to just stroll on out so soon. Rest a little longer, take baby steps."

He shook his head. "I want to go... I don't like it here." It was true, he hated hospitals more than anything and now that he'd been given the okay to leave, he wanted to do exactly that. "Wheelchair... or something... I don't care. I just want to leave." Kaoru frowned, hitting the call button for a nurse, scooting out from behind Die and getting the loose clothes and binder out to dress Die, needing help so he wouldn't hurt him.

The nurse came back in a few minutes later, Die sitting there looking almost nauseous. "May I help you?" she asked quietly. Kaoru sighed, his eyes pleading with her to help convince Die to do what was best. "He's adamant that I take him home now. Would you help me dress him? I'm afraid I might hurt him."

She looked between Kaoru and Die and then quietly shut the door and got the binder from him, carefully starting to help Die into it. "Do you have a wheelchair... _Mr._ Andou?" Obviously someone had spoken with her about earlier. Kaoru watched, biting his knuckle nervously. He knew he needed to keep Die in the binder for nearly a week, so he had to know how to get it on him without disturbing the dressed wounds.

Die shook his head a little. "No." He frowned a bit and the nurse shook her head a little. "I'd wait a little bit until the IV drugs wear off and you can sit up without too much pain." The redhead frowned a little but nodded, sighing softly and then laying back down once the binder was on. It actually felt a little better that way.

Kaoru gave him a sad smile and when the nurse left, pulled out the boxer briefs from Die's bag, sneaking under the hospital sheet and putting Die's slender feet through each hole, carefully pulling them up around his legs and under his nonexistent butt.

Die watched what Kaoru was doing, appreciating the attention and the compassion with which he pulled the underwear on. He stared at him for a long time through semi-glassy eyes and then finally shut them again. "Feels like I ran a marathon," he muttered.

Kaoru sat down on the bed and pulled Die's hand into his lap, rubbing his arm. "I know... well get you home and you can sleep all day if you want."

He took in a breath and then let it out with a soft whine. That hurt... breathing was no good... at least not deep breathing. He shifted a little and then made a whole other sound. He had to piss. Great... no... not yet. Fucking complicated bullshit. Slowly he moved one arm up and rubbed it over his face.

Kaoru leaned carefully over him and gave him a soft kiss. "Just let me know when you're ready to try moving around."

He nodded a little and settled down to wait. Almost an hour later, he finally sat up, wincing a little and pushed the sheet away, gingerly attempting to stand up. He wobbled a little and then sat back down. "Legs are like jelly," he murmured, looking at Kaoru for help. "But I am _not_ staying here any longer."

Kaoru grabbed Die's track pants and knelt down, one of his knees popping, gathering up the legs and helping Die step into them, pulling them up over his hips. "Never had to put your clothes _on_ you before," he joked with a smirk. Die watched Kaoru as he put his pants on, laughing softly at the comment. "Get used to it for a few days," he murmured softly.

Kaoru moved to the door, finding a hospital wheelchair that had been left in the hall, a nurse noticing him and coming down the hall to help. Kaoru brought the wheelchair in and put it close to the bed, looking at Die with a perplexed face, wondering where to grab him to help him into the chair without potentially putting him in serious pain. Under the arms didn't seem like a very good idea.

Die yawned again, watching as his lover came back in with a wheelchair. He shifted again, getting toward the edge of the bed. "If you bring it over here, I can just move from one to the other." He was sure he could go that far at least.

Kaoru pushed the wheelchair to the edge and held it so it wouldn't roll back while a nurse came in and helped lower Die in, supporting him at his back and assisting Kaoru in getting Die's sweatshirt on over the binder. Die was halfway into the wheelchair by the time the nurse came to try to help. He winced as he sank into the chair, the world kind of swimming a little. Yeah... the walk from the car and getting up to his apartment was going to be a fucking bitch. He carefully moved himself to allow Kaoru to put on his sweatshirt, making a pained face. "Yeah... button-up shirts from now on," he muttered softly.

The nurse opened the door and handed Kaoru some paperwork for Die, regarding being checked out of the hospital. At the door, Kaoru murmured a be right back and went to get the car and pull it around to the front, the nurse waiting with Die, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly, a second nature habit for her, she didn't even realize she was doing it.

Soon enough, they were outside and Kaoru had gone to get the car. By the time he came back, the rubbing on his shoulder from the nurse had Die drowsy again. The sound of the car startled him and he let out a little sound. Sighing, he waited as the nurse wheeled him over to the car, set the brakes, opened the door, and then helped him into the seat, handing him the seatbelt to buckle.

Kaoru took the buckle and latched Die in, the nurse telling them to take care as she closed the door and waved. Kaoru had had the forethought to lay the seat back a little, too, so that Die was slightly reclined. At last, they were pulling out of the parking lot and heading home. "You haven't eaten in two days now. Do you want me to pick something up or do you want to sleep first?"

Almost lazily, Die turned his head, looking at Kaoru through somewhat glassy eyes. He bit his lip and then closed his eyes, the sun kind of hurting his eyes. "Can... can you find somewhere with miso?" He'd always loved miso soup. It tasted amazing and when he was sick, it was one of the things that he could always stomach. It only seemed appropriate.

Kaoru mentally mapped out their drive home, remembering a little Japanese restaurant on the way. He took the short detour to it, parking and running in and returning in five minutes with a brown paper bag containing miso, gyoza, and some plain rice. Die waited patiently in the car, his eyelids drooping with what was probably his body running out of energy while it was starting to try to heal itself. When Kaoru came back from the restaurant, he jerked awake, blinking at him, trying to pretend he hadn't been asleep at all. But he figured Kaoru probably knew better.

Kaoru set the bag on the floorboard behind his seat, getting back in and driving back towards Die's apartment. When he reached it, he pulled right to the sidewalk at the lobby entrance and turned on his hazard lights, going around and opening the door, leaning in to unbuckle Die. "Almost home, tiger."

The rest of the drive had been spent combating the sleep Die's body wanted so dearly. When Kaoru parked in front of the doors, he had to smile. So tender and caring. He waited on the seatbelt to be undone before he tried to remove himself from the seat, gingerly standing. Still, he winced deeply. It hurt... like fire burning through his chest. But maybe the other pain pills he had picked up the day before would help more than the filler prescription the doctor had given him. He carefully wrapped an arm around Kaoru's waist and then pushed away from the side of the car, seeing if he could walk. He could... but it hurt so badly. Tears welled in his eyes and he blinked them away in shame, head bowed as he continued very slowly toward the building.

Thankfully, a woman with her daughter was coming out of the door and held it for them, giving them both a concerned look. Kaoru gave her a nod of thanks, arms supporting Die and helping him to and then in an elevator, riding up to the correct floor. He'd been smart enough earlier to put the key to Die's apartment on his keychain, unlocking the door once they'd made their slow way to it. "I've got to go park the car, but I'll be right back. You go to sleep, though, you look like you're going to drop."

Die was thankful that Kaoru came with him, supporting him and helping him. By the time they got to the apartment and to the bedroom, he felt like he was going to pass out while he was standing. He winced, sitting on the bed and kicking his shoes off. He blinked slowly, nodding a little. "But... hungry..." he whispered faintly, long after Kaoru had already gone back to move the car.

After properly parking the car, Kaoru carried Die's bag and the food back up, stepping in and quietly taking off his shoes, putting the bag on the couch and the food in the kitchen, tiptoeing into Die's room to see if he was asleep or wanted to eat first or what.

When the front door closed, Die looked back up from where he'd been kind of trying to wrestle out of his pants. He just sat there with them halfway down his thighs, looking at the door, hoping Kaoru would be bringing his food.

Kaoru took one look at Die's predicament and laughed, going and gingerly slipping an arm at the back of his shoulders and behind his knees, lifting him to settle him against the pillow piled at the headboard before sliding the track pants off him. "There you go, baby. Shirt, too? Do you want me to bring you your food?"

Die made a soft sound, clinging to Kaoru when he was lifted, honestly surprised the other could do that to him. When he was placed back against the pillows, he sagged there, hands going to steady himself on the bed. "Please... both." He felt really bad for continuing to ask for things, but he knew right then that he was rather helpless.

Kaoru carefully got him out of the shirt, leaning to kiss him softly before going to unpack the food, pouring the miso into a large tea mug for easier consumption, the rice in a bowl, and just bringing the gyoza in their Styrofoam box, settling on the bed carefully beside Die, scooting up close to him. "Showers are going to be interesting... the binder has to stay on for... what, a week, at least?"

Die smiled at him, accepting the mug and then sniffing at it, happily setting to starting to sip on it. It was really good... done just the way he liked it to be. He'd have to remember that restaurant later. "Thank you," he murmured softly. He sniffed a little and then made a face. "I think... depends on what the doctor says."

Kaoru nodded and wrapped an arm gently around Die, just happy to have him back. The surgery hadn't lasted very long, but, even asleep through most of it, it had felt like ages to Kaoru. "When are we supposed to go back tomorrow?"

Die finished his soup rather quickly before picking up the rice and chopsticks, starting to eat it very slowly. "Um... at four I think." At least as far as his muddled brain could tell that was when he was supposed to.

Kaoru gave a short nod, opening the box of gyoza and popping one into his mouth. "I'll look through the papers later and see if I can find a time." His fingers gently rubbed up and down Die's arm. "If I get too clingy, just tell me," he said with a tiny blush.

Die nodded but then just stared down at his hands, unfocused. After a few moments, his head snapped up and he looked like he'd been startled out of his dozing state. "Ughh... why am I so tired?"

"Because you just got put under and had your tits cut off," Kaoru said in a deadpan, pressing a smirk to Die's cheek before taking the dishes and such into the kitchen, coming back and sliding the sheets out from under Die, tucking him in. "Sleep, lover. You've had a long day."

Die blinked at him blearily and then blushed deeply. "You're going to hate me... but I have to use the bathroom," he murmured, the urge from earlier returning stronger than it had been.

Kaoru hung his head, then chuckled, pulling the sheets down again and wrapping his arms around Die's waist. “Here, put your arms around my neck if you can, and I'll walk you to the bathroom.” Die may very well have been able to walk on his own, but Kaoru had horrible visions of him falling and hitting his head, or tearing open stitches.

Die shifted and then got up with Kaoru, wincing a little as they walked toward the bathroom. Swallowing, he got into the bathroom and then to the toilet, thanking his habit of leaving the seat up. He managed to get his boxer briefs down and sit on the toilet, immediately starting to void his bladder. Once he was done, he rolled off some toilet paper and tried to reach to wipe. Immediately pain shot through his body and tears came to his eyes. He let out a soft cry, immediately straightening back up and swallowing. "Kaoru? ... Can you? Please?" He felt stupid having to ask for such a... disgusting thing.

Kaoru had leaned against the counter and looked away, trying to give Die some privacy, and then that question came. Kaoru turned and looked at him as if to say 'me?!' but then knelt down, taking the wad of paper and letting out a soft, "uuuh," curious exactly how best to do this, seeing as he'd never wiped someone else before. Die blushed as he handed Kaoru the toilet paper. "Front to back," he murmured, feeling stupid for having to say it and for having to have this done. Quickly, Kaoru did his best, then helped Die stand and pulled his underwear back up, flushing the toilet with his foot. Once it was all over, Die said his thanks and then allowed Kaoru to help him up and get his boxer briefs back on. After a few moments, he paused, washing his hands of the hospital and then headed off toward the bed, shuffling.

"You're lucky I'm crazy about you..." Kaoru sighed, his nose nuzzling Die's neck as he walked backwards towards the bed again.

"I'm sorry you had to... but it felt like it was pulling my stitches," Die murmured. He settled back down on the bed and slowly moved to actually lay down, shifting around a little and then frowning. He normally slept on his stomach and now he couldn't. But he was so exhausted, he didn't think it would matter.

Kaoru shook his head. "It's okay, baby... I guess I'm gonna get myself something to eat, maybe watch TV," it was hardly 6:30, after all, "and I'll leave the door open so you can call if you need me." Die nodded a little and then curled up, holding the sheets close and closing his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. It wasn't long before he was out like a light, body going limp and his snoring soft. Kaoru brushed a hand over Die s hair, then quietly left the room, going to scrounge himself up something to eat. He was starving.

That first night, he slept on the couch, not wanting to intrude on Die's space and certainly not wanting to flail in his sleep and possibly hurt him.

Die woke up somewhere during the night, his entire body in pure agony. He whimpered a little and shifted, slowly managing to get up and hobble to the bathroom. He found his other prescription and swallowed down two of the pills before climbing back in bed. He felt absolutely agonized, but he didn't call for Kaoru, the silence from the living room telling him the other was probably asleep.

The rest of the night was relatively uneventful, silence settling over the entire house when Die passed back out. It had been a very long day.


	13. Chapter 12

Title: White Lies  
Chapter: 12/?  
Author[s]: cadkitten and lumineaux_xx (gold_scarlette)  
Pairing: Die x Kaoru  
Band[s]: Dir en grey  
Rating: 18+  
Summary: An unfortunate accident throws two people's lives together. Attraction makes them take that extra step to draw them deeper. But Die's hiding away a little white lie.  
Disclaimer: I do not own or represent Dir en grey. I'make no money from the writing of this. I do not claim any of this to be truthful.  
Warnings: AU, M/M, Language, Transgender, M/F, Drugs, BJ, HJ, Oral, Masturbation  
Comments: We came up with the idea of writing something together and well... here it is!  
Beta Readers: cadkitten and lumineaux_xx (gold_scarlette)

 

[Prologue](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/209338.html)   
[Chapter 1](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/209569.html)   
[Chapter 2](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/211590.html)   
[Chapter 3](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/212152.html)   
[Chapter 4](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/219298.html)   
[Chapter 5](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/224342.html)   
[Chapter 6](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/229909.html)   
[Chapter 7](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/230413.html)   
[Chapter 8](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/232504.html)   
[Chapter 9](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/233417.html)   
[Chapter 10](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/234799.html)   
[Chapter 11](http://cadkitten.livejournal.com/236764.html)

Kaoru slept, not realizing how exhausted he was, until nearly ten the next morning, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, padding down the hall in his baggy pajama pants and long grey shirt to Die's room, peeking his head in the door, hair a rumpled mess.

By then, Die was awake, his eyes kind of glassy from the next set of pills and his boxer briefs missing from a trip to the bathroom that he'd made earlier in the morning. He looked over at Kaoru and smiled a bit. "Good morning."

Kaoru gave a sleepy smile and climbed into the bed, stretching out next to Die. "Ohayou," he croaked, deep voice hoarsened with sleep. Die reached up to rub at his eyes, yawning a bit. "Hnn...." Kaoru curled up on his side, looking very much like he might fall back asleep. "How are you feeling?"

"Was in pain in the middle of the night... took my pills." The redhead sniffed a bit and blinked at Kaoru before yawning. "It feels like... I'm on fire, when it hurts." Kaoru frowned and stroked Die's hips through the sheet. "I'm sorry, baby."

He closed his eyes and sniffed a little. "I want a bath when I come back from my appointment this time," he murmured softly. A nod. "I'll ask a nurse what's the best way to do it, with the bandages and all."

Die nodded. "Probably just can't wash the top half I guess..." he made a little face as he shifted. "I emptied my drainage bags this morning... disgusting shit."

Kaoru slapped his hands over his ears and shut his eyes tight. "I'm sorry, but that's the one thing I just can't handle..." He felt his stomach roll, glad it was empty, at the very thought of the collected fluid from Die's wounds.

Die blinked at him and at his reaction. He supposed it was a damn good thing he could do that himself if it grossed him out that way. He reached out, gently patting Kaoru's arm. "It's okay. I won't say anything else."

Kaoru gave a shudder. "Thanks... I'm really squeamish. I broke my arm when I was little, not bad, but I could see the bones pushing up under the skin and it was bent to the side a little, and here I was, fifteen feet lower than I had bee half a second ago with a broken arm, and I threw up all over myself."

Die frowned at that. "Oh, hunny... remind me to have you leave the room today. They'll probably check the stitches and stuff and I don't want have you throwing up." He rubbed at Kaoru's shoulder again.

A tiny sniff. "Yeah, I probably would. I can handle it in movies, for the most part, but not the real deal."

Die nodded a little. He'd have to remember that for a while, until it was mostly healed, maybe just a scar. "Oh... so you know, I'm taking the other pain pills... they're narcotics so... if I get loopy, you know why." A slender brow arched up. "You're going to drive me crazy for a few days, aren't you?" 

Die smiled a little. "Yes. Very much. I'll make sure to drive you batshit." He was, of course, kidding.

Kaoru groaned in mock loathing, rolling slightly into Die's side and then giving a huff. "I'm hungry, tired, have to pee, and want to go for a run, but I can't take care of all of that at once and I think really I just want to go back to sleep for a while."

Die laughed softly. "Go pee, go for a run and when you come back, I'll have made soup or something. Okay?" He figured he could take care of that. It seemed easy enough.

A slight skeptical look was thrown Die's way. "You sure?" He sat up and started untangling his long hair with his fingers.

Die nodded. "I'm not entirely crippled... just have to have you wipe me or sit there and air dry." He laughed and shook his head.

Kaoru rolled his eyes then went to grab some things from the bag he'd brought to stay at Die's, going into the bathroom and returning several minutes later with an emptied bladder and brushed teeth, dressed in a dark red stretchy tank top and grey sweats that were cut off like capris, and hugged his runner's ass like a sweet hello, leaving just enough to the imagination to be teasing. He sat down and started to put on his running shoes (it was about time to replace these, but they were worn in so well, he'd push them another 50 miles or so). His hair was pulled back in a high, tight ponytail and he looked... athletic, something that his usual appearance would generally tend to discount. "Do you run?" he asked Die. "I usually do three miles, I wasn't sure which route I should take from your place."

The redhead shook his head a little. "No, I don't. I usually do things like crunches and pushups." He gave him a bit of a smile and shrugged. "There's a really awesome pastry shop eight blocks west from here. If you want to... you know... go that way and pick up some of the raspberry danishes... I'd be really happy. There's some cash in my wallet to pay for it." He'd feel bad if Kaoru paid for everything while he was here.

Kaoru shook his head. "How you stay so skinny, I'll never know." He sighed. "Tell you what... I'll drive to get your fix, so I can track out a route, come back, run, then lunch. Sound good?"

Die laughed. "Alright, that's fine. But um... I need help getting clothing back on my bottom half." He stared down at his naked lower half with a blush.

"Right." Kaoru went to a dresser and dug through until he had located some soft cotton pajama bottoms and fresh underwear, getting Die into them and then going to pull a ten from Die's wallet and grabbed his keys. "Alright, tiger, I'll be back in a little bit."

Die peered at him and then got up after he'd been dressed by his lover. "Nu-uh, I wanna go." And right then, he was just hopped up enough on pain meds that he found it to be a great idea.

Kaoru jingled his keys, unconvinced. "Okay," he chided, his tone implying a warning of possible bad idea. He waited at the door for Die to get ready, presuming he'd just throw on a button down and a pair of flipflops.

Die did exactly what Kaoru thought he'd do, putting on a baggy black button-up shirt and then shoving his feet in his black flip-flops. He padded over to Kaoru and then blinked at him. "The pain pills won't wear off for a few more hours. So... I'm not feeling anything for a while." He grinned a bit.

Kaoru gave a smirk and opened the door, leading Die out into the hallway towards the elevator, pressing the button to call it up.

Die waited outside the elevator, allowing Kaoru to open the door and to lock up, finding it kind of amusing that the one who didn't live there was doing all of that. But then at that moment he found pretty much anything amusing, so that wasn't altogether surprising. He tapped his toes against his flip-flops as they waited, his head bobbing to a song only he could hear. After a few moments, the doors slid open and he stepped inside and then blinked at Kaoru. "Wait... do you have the money for the pastries from my wallet?"

Kaoru held up the ten and waved it, stepping into the elevator and stepping towards him as the doors slid shut, putting a hand on either side of his head, leaning in and kissing him deep and slow, pressing his body carefully against Die.

Die whined happily into the kiss, his hands coming to rest on Kaoru's hips as he tilted his head and kissed him back, tongue slicking out gently.

Kaoru sighed through his nose, rocking his hips a little, nipping at the tip of Die's tongue, putting both hands in the bright red hair, pulling back and pressing their foreheads together. "Ugh, this whole no-sex thing for two plus weeks is going to brutal. Why do you have to be so spectacular in bed?"

Die blinked at him. "Who says no sex? It's not like my uh... down there's... are messed with. We just have to do it when I take my pain meds and I have to stay on my back and... who's to say we can't trade other favors?" The meds really took the filter off of him; that was for sure.

Kaoru growled and kissed Die again, sliding his tongue almost to the back of Die's throat. "Mm... I'd feel like I was hurting you. But, ya know... I'd probably get pretty close just from eating you out." His hand slid down and rubbed roughly against his lover's crotch, hardly anything to dull the touch, through the thin pants, underwear, and no packer.

Die arched toward him, moaning wantonly. Without hesitation, he reached out and slammed the stop button on the elevator. To hell with whoever wanted to use it for a few minutes. He was busy. His hands came back to Kaoru's ass, rubbing and then squeezing. The feeling of that hand over his cunt as he arched hard toward Kaoru was incredible and he moaned rather loudly.

Kaoru pulled back and looked at him, stunned, when the elevator stopped, then grunted at the hands on his ass. "What, right here?" he teased, sliding his tongue down Die's jaw.

Die blushed deeply, one hand moving up to his hair and pulling Kaoru back, molding his mouth against the other man's. Maybe not everything right here, but he didn't want to give this up entirely. Not yet.

Kaoru smashed their lips together, wrapping his arms around Die. _'Why oh why did I have to give you my one weakness so soon? Please God don't get me hard in these pants...'_

Die panted, moaning into the kiss as he damn near tried to devour Kaoru, his hands and lower half attempting to get as much of Kaoru as possible. He was frantic, the drugs in his system making everything seem more urgent.

A loud moan left Kaoru. "Shit, baby... I don't want to walk through the lobby with a boner, either stop, or blow me." He couldn't even believe it as it left his mouth, but he was anxious.

Die's eyes darkened and without hesitation, he slid down Kaoru's body to his knees. He quickly got Kaoru's pants down, freeing him from the confines of them and leaning forward. Immediately he slid the other's cock into his mouth, starting to suck on him perhaps a little too eagerly. 

Kaoru gasped, burying a hand in Die's hair. "I didn't think you'd actually do it," he panted, voice trembling, canting his hips forward, lids fluttering closed.

Die kind of smirked around his mouthful of dick before closing his eyes and just going to town. He didn't mind it at all, having tons of fun doing it, feeling the dampness start to drench his underwear. He whimpered and bobbed his head faster.

Kaoru shivered, already too close; they hadn't had sex in a little over a week, Kaoru had had to really cram for work so that he wouldn't have to worry about anything else while he was taking care of Die, and the fear that they could be caught at any moment made each touch exquisite. He put one hand against the wall and leaned into it, mouth hung open in a silent moan.

Die moaned against that lovely warm flesh in his mouth. His tongue pressed harder against the underside of Kaoru's dick, swallowing hard around him and then sucking.

Kaoru let go, whimpering out "Oh, baby," blushing madly when, hardly three minutes after the whole affair had even started, he was cumming with a jerk of his hips and several gasping pants.

He sucked hard, his cheeks hollowing out as he felt Kaoru start to cum in his mouth. It felt... amazing. He was so proud of himself. Die grinned as he pulled back, licking his lips. He slipped Kaoru's pants back up and then stood very carefully, punching the button again to start the elevator moving. Licking his lips, he blushed a bit. "You seriously owe me after your run."

Kaoru huffed a laugh, pulling Die to him for a lingering kiss. "Oh, absolutely." He held him close, face pressed into his hair, taking his hand when the doors opened, getting odd looks from the couple waiting for the elevator in the lobby, and led Die outside to his car.

Die looked damn pleased as he moved with him, holding his hand tightly. He hummed softly and then slid into the car, settling down and then yawning. He made an annoyed sound at the yawn before grinning. "Pastries, ho!"

Kaoru snickered and pulled out onto the street, restarting trip B on his odometer to map out a jogging route while they were at it, and heading west, counting blocks, miraculously finding the little pastry shop and parking in front of it, going around and opening the door for Die.

Die smiled happily when Kaoru pulled into the parking lot and parked. Getting up from the seat, he headed straight into the shop and ordered his pastries and then glanced back at Kaoru. "Do you want something? They have the best stuff."

Kaoru shook his head, pinching Die's ass playfully when no one was looking and pressing the ten into his lover's palm. "No, I'm fine. There's something at home I'd much rather eat." He almost groaned at his own terrible come-on, but it was true.

Die blushed terribly at that, but he grinned and then paid for his four pastries, indulging a little just because he was technically sick. After he had his pastries and his change, he thanked the woman warmly and then headed right back out of the shop and directly to Kaoru's car. The faster they got home, the faster Kaoru would go for his run and the faster he'd get off.

Kaoru kept heading away from the apartment, making a wide square of just under three miles before heading back to the apartment. Once out of the car, he gave Die a short kiss. "It shouldn't take me more than thirty minutes." His hand slipped between Die's thighs and pressed against his cunt. "Don't, ah, ruin your appetite?" He handed Die his keys with a smirk and then walked off, stretching at a small oak on the sidewalk before jogging down the street.

Die got out of the car and then smiled into the kiss. He gasped when the other touched him, blushing deeply and then laughing. "Oh yeah... I won't." He watched him until he was jogging off and he smiled softly, shaking his head and then padding off toward the building, holding his precious pastries.

As promised, Kaoru returned to the apartment in just under half an hour, taking his shoes off at the door, a sheen of sweat on his skin. He was still a little short of breath, padding through the apartment, looking for Die.

Die was sitting on the couch when Kaoru returned, his fingers still sticky from the single pastry he'd just finished consuming. His bottoms and shirt were already missing, his feet bare and curled up beneath him. When he heard the door open, he turned his head, watching Kaoru come in. 

Kaoru smirked at Die sitting around in just his underwear and leaned over the back of the couch, giving him a peck to the top of his head. "Hey, sexy. So... want me now, or should I get a quick shower first?"

He held out his sticky fingers toward the other, trying to urge him to lick them. "If someone doesn't get me off soon, I'll drench the couch." He spread his legs, showing that his boxer briefs were very much wet at the crotch.

Kaoru's pink rag of a tongue darted out and sucked the rest of the sticky sugar from Die's fingers, going around the couch and, as he had done last night, lifted Die, bridal-style, and carried him into the bedroom. He was much stronger than he looked, but then, there was a lot about Kaoru that could not be told from the surface. He settled Die on the bed and immediately pulled off the boxers, sinking to his knees at the foot of the bed and dragging Die across the sheets until his crotch was in his face, lifting one long leg over his shoulder and kissing the peak of one hip, pressing his palm against the heated slickness of his lover's slit.

Die clung to his lover, a bit breathless from Kaoru picking him up. It felt kind of... nice... to be treated like this. He shifted a little when Kaoru pulled off his boxer briefs and then laid back, gasping when Kaoru pulled him to the edge of the bed and spread his thighs. He just closed his eyes and allowed Kaoru to do what he wanted, knowing that whatever he chose to do, it would be amazing.

Kaoru leaned up and caught Die's belly button ring between his teeth, giving it a little tug. "Be right back," he said, disappearing and returning in a short moment, screwing in a barbell through his tongue, replacing the discrete bioplastic retainer he usually wore - "I haven't worn this thing in ages," he mused with a smirk, dropping back between Die's legs and without hesitation, sucking his clit into his mouth, two fingers slowly working their way into the dripping wet passage.

Die watched Kaoru as much as he could from his position. He blinked at him and then grinned, flopping his head back, promptly moaning when the other started to blow him. His hips pushed up a little, pussy clenching down around Kaoru's fingers to show him he liked it.

Kaoru sucked and flickered his tongue across the sensitive nub, stroking Die inside, moaning softly at how good it felt to be pleasing the other.

Die cried out, shivering and then grabbing the sheets with both hands. Whimpering, he shivered and bucked his hips, moaning loud and long. Oh yeah... he needed this.

Kaoru withdrew his now slick fingers, using them to stroke Die off while he wriggled his tongue southward, plunging it into the other almost harshly.

Die lay there, panting, his head thrashing from side-to-side as he whined out rather wantonly. His hips arched when Kaoru started jerking him off, a strangled cry ripping free from his throat. His hips bucked and then that tongue was deep inside his pussy and his mind was suddenly gone. All he could do was feel, nothing more and nothing less. One hand flailed around almost desperately, wanting the contact of Kaoru's other hand as almost a way to ground him in this reality.

Kaoru slid his other hand up Die's side, thrusting his tongue in and out, going to squeeze a breast like usual, and then remembering they weren't there anymore. He whined, making his tongue a point and searching against Die's front wall, fingers moving deftly over his lover's cock.

Die whimpered and shifted, one leg rising so that his foot rested flat on the bed. His hips canted forward and he gasped out in pure pleasure when Kaoru's tongue stabbed into him. His body started to clench, trembling, the leg he didn't have propped up shaking with the feelings the other was giving him. "Ah... Kaoru!"

At the sound of his name leaving Die's lips, Kaoru pressed his mouth against his pussy, driving his tongue as deep as possible, fingers stroking at him faster.

It only took him a few moments longer before he cried out, body starting to throb around Kaoru's tongue. Bliss washed over him, making him moan in utter pleasure before he simply went limp, boneless against the mattress as he panted.

Kaoru persisted through the spasms, lapping at Die to clean him slightly before pulling back and wiping his mouth with the back of one hand, leaning over Die and kissing him sweetly.

Once it was all over, his eyelids fluttered open and he peered up at Kaoru, smiling softly at him before he kissed his lips. When the other pulled back, he grinned, blushing happily. "Thank you..."

Kaoru winked. "You're welcome. I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick." He kissed Die shortly and then went off into the bathroom to get clean.

Die watched him go, blinking slowly at him and then finally struggling to sit up and lean against the pillows, his eyes closed. Maybe... he'd just nap for a few minutes.

Kaoru showered quickly and returned wearing only a towel around his waist, hair dripping droplets of water down his back and sides. On the right side of his ribs, something seemed different... Kaoru had an impeccable talent for keeping secrets and surprises, and he'd honestly kind of forgotten Die had not seen his new tattoo - a curving line of Japanese maple leaves in vibrant scarlet and bruise-purple down ribs, starting a few inches under his armpit and stopping at his waist.

Die heard the shower turn off, jerking him awake. He yawned and peered at the door, waiting and listening. When Kaoru came out, Die's eyes immediately went to the new tattoo, his breath catching in his throat. "Oh, Kaoru..." he whispered, holding his arms out to him. He wanted to touch it.

Kaoru gave a soft grin, walking around the bed and sitting on the edge by Die, lifting up his arm to show off the new art. "I got it done a few days ago. I wanted to surprise you. I know you've got a hard-on for my ink."

Die grinned at him, shaking his head and then reaching out to touch it, trailing his fingers down over the ink, tilting his head to examine it better. It flowed nicely over Kaoru's skin, the colors warm and vibrant. He smiled softly to himself before he scooted to lie down and then reached for Kaoru, trying to draw him close enough to allow his lips to meet that tattooed skin.

Kaoru let himself be moved closer and let out a throaty, feminine moan at the kiss to his sensitive side, slapping a hand over his mouth, surprised by the sound, startled by the tenderness.

Die allowed his lips to curve up in a happy smile before he continued, gently kissing up the new tattoo, pleased with the inked skin. "Wish I had more nerve to get more myself," he whispered softly.

Kaoru lay down with his tattooed side up, purring at the treatment from Die. "It really doesn't hurt. This did, for sure, the ribs are supposed to be the worst to tattoo, it's still kind of sore but my arms and my thigh were a breeze." His fingers played with Die's hair, a lazy smile pulling across his lips.

Die smiled at him, pressing another light kiss to his side before he rested his head on Kaoru's arm. "It hurt for this," he murmured, holding up his hand and showing the tattooed skin there.

Kaoru rubbed it, smiling. "That's because it's sensitive. Most other places don't really hurt." He stretched and sat up, shamelessly pulling the towel from his waist and drying his hair. "So... about that food. I'm still hungry."

Die smiled at him and then gasped. "Oh crap... I'm sorry!" Immediately, he struggled to sit up and go limping off toward the kitchen, completely bottomless. Food... what had he promised? Soup? Yes... he thought so. Quickly, he started pulling down the ingredients for a vegetable soup, hoping it wouldn't take too awful long.

Kaoru followed him, wrapping his arms around Die from behind. "Woah, woah! I wasn't ordering you around." Die whined a little, coming to a stop and then blinking a little dumbly. "I know... I just forgot." 

"Sit. Actually... hang on." Kaoru went into the bedroom and located clean underwear, coming back and kneeling at Die's feet, holding them out. "Step."

Die washed off some veggies and then paused again when Kaoru came back with his underwear. Blushing, he held onto the counter and stepped into the underwear. As soon as Kaoru had pulled them up, he pulled out the cutting board and placed the veggies on them, starting to chop.

Kaoru smirked and kissed in front of Die's ear fondly before going to get dressed, coming back again with phone in hand, checking through his mail and text messages, etc, chuckling at one from his father. "I don't know why, but it's always hilarious how my traditional, sixty-something dad will text me using slang shorthand..." He read aloud, inflecting the words to convey their textual compression. "K--in town thurs. can U meet 4 lunch? want 2 c u." He shook his head, chuckling. "Aw, too bad I'm gonna miss him."

Die blinked at him, stopping what he was doing. "Why would you miss him? Kaoru, you have to go!" 

Kaoru shrugged. "I'm here with you, he won't miss me too bad."

He frowned at him. "No... please. I want you to go see your father. I promise I'll be fine on my own... or... um..." he blushed, "or I could go."

Kaoru thought about it and then texted something, setting his phone down and standing, sidling up behind Die and draping his arms around the other's waist, nuzzling his face into the slim neck.

Die leaned back against him, still working on the veggies, finally finishing up and pouring them into the pot and then adding some chicken broth and a few spices. Not the best thing ever, but certainly edible.

Kaoru continued to hold Die, comfortable being so close for closeness only. He hugged him a little tighter and kissed at his neck.

Die finished up and covered the pot before he turned in Kaoru's arms and slipped his hands down on Kaoru's hips. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked softly before wincing. The pain pills were starting to wear off.

Kaoru gave a single nod, cheeks glowing pink under his fair skin, then his brows knit and he brought a hand up to cup Die's cheek. "Are you hurting again?"

He nodded. "Yeah... pills are wearing off," he muttered, looking kind of annoyed that they were. "I like how they make me feel when they work." And that was probably bad.

Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek to keep from commenting on the last bit and stroked Die's cheek some more. "Should I go get you some more?"

He sniffed a little and then shook his head. "I'll wait until I can't stand it anymore," he murmured softly, moving away from the counter and getting his tea kettle and putting water into it before placing it on the stove. 

Kaoru frowned and let Die go, wanting to hold him some more, but not wanting to put him in any more pain than he was going to be in soon enough, sitting down instead, humming to himself softly.

Die finished with that and took some tea bags from the cabinets and then headed off toward the living room. "It'll be a while... come sit with me?"

Kaoru got up from the table in the kitchen and went into the living room, settling down on the couch with a soft sigh. Die gingerly settled down between Kaoru's legs, leaning back into his arms and then kind of curling up against him. "Is this okay?" he asked softly.

Kaoru shifted to let Die fit against him more easily and laced his fingers at Die's hip, kissing his brow. "Mm, this is juuust fine, sugar." Die leaned back against him, his eyes closing and then he yawned softly. "Healing makes you tired... doesn't it?"

Kaoru gave a nod, cradling Die protectively. "I've really only had one surgery, but I did nothing but sleep for a week after it, only waking up to eat or use the bathroom."

He peered back at him. "What did you have surgery for?" he asked softly.

Kaoru pursed his lips. "Ah, well," for whatever reason, he found it hard to talk about, perhaps for fear of living through it again. "When I was six or so, I started to lose my vision, and none of the optometrists my parents took me to could figure out why, and then I went completely blind. They figured out it was a brain tumor, and it took almost a year for us to find a doctor that would operate. Most of them refused, said it was benign and too risky to try to remove, so, I was blind for a year and a half. It took about six months for everything to heal and my vision to come completely back after we finally found a surgeon. I'm still a little afraid of the dark..."

Die blinked as he listened to him speak. He shifted a little and tried to get closer to him without pulling his stitches somehow with his position. "Oh wow, Kaoru... I'm so sorry." He didn't even know what else to say. It just sounded terrible.

Kaoru gave a one-shouldered shrug. "It's not like I still have it. I mean... there's this long scar on my scalp, and my left eye goes all blurry when it gets too fatigued, but... I'm not blind anymore. That was torture."

Die peered up at him for a long few moments and then curled up back against him, nuzzling against him a bit, trying to get Kaoru's arms to wrap tightly around him. After a few moments he bit his lip and then tried out what he'd been deliberating saying for a while now. "Kaoru?" he waited for a moment, "I... I think I love you."

Kaoru nuzzled him in return, pulling Die closer, careful of causing him any pain inadvertently. He hummed at his name, and then had to swallow his heart down from where it had leapt into his throat at what followed it. He blinked and wet his dry lips, managing out only a quiet, "Oh?"

Die nodded a little and then blushed, tucking his head down a little. "I've just been thinking about it... I don't want to not be with you... you know? So... doesn't that mean I must be in love?"

Kaoru smiled, kissing Die's hair and humming a laugh into it. "Mm, it's a rather abstract thing, love, but sure, I suppose so." He nudged Die's chin up and kissing his lips shortly. "I don't want to not be with you, either."

He smiled happily at him and then rubbed against him again after the kiss. Comforted, he simply closed his eyes and then grinned. Kaoru leaned back into the couch, just holding Die, in comfortable quiet, his fingers idly stroking over hair and skin at random.

It didn't take Die very long to fall asleep in his lover's arms, warm and happy. It wouldn't be anything to worry about until a few hours from now, when the soup would be ready.

Kaoru let him sleep, carefully leaning forward to get the remote and watching TV at a low volume, shifting so that Die was draped comfortably against him. It was almost an hour and a half later by the time Die opened his eyes again, slowly sitting up, grimacing in pain. His entire chest was on fire again and he almost wanted to cry from the pain both there and in his bladder. "Fuck," he muttered, slowly getting up and trying to make his way toward the bathroom.

Kaoru immediately got up and followed Die, putting an arm around him to support him. "You okay?" he asked, concern in his dark eyes.

Die just winced at him before he continued off toward the bathroom with Kaoru's help. "Pills have worn off completely... and I have to pee... again." He sighed softly.

Kaoru backed Die up to the toilet and pulled down his boxers, going to the cabinet and looking through for the pain pills, finding Die's hormones and rattling the bottle. "What is this, Viagra?" he joked, finding the pain killers and filling the little glass at the sink with water, taking both back to Die.

Die blushed something awful when Kaoru had to help him with the bathroom again. Carefully he settled down and let out a sigh of relief as he started to void his bladder. At the question, he looked up with an odd look on his face. "Wha- oh... no," he stared at the hormone pills and then blushed deeper. "It's my hormone pills. I'm allergic to something they put in the shots, so they used the last ditch effort and gave me those. I just have to take them at certain times every day and I'm good at remembering, so... it works." He finished peeing and then rolled off some toilet paper, awkwardly trying to reach, yelping in pain after a moment, breathing in deep and wincing as he straightened.

Kaoru knelt down and wiped Die quickly, kissing his cheek. "I knew what they were, silly, I was just teasing you." He helped Die stand and then insisted on the pain meds again. "Do you need those now, too?" He pointed back to the cabinet with the hormones.

Die waited while Kaoru wiped him, trying hard not to arch into the touch. Biting his lip, he accepted the help up and then the pills. "Yeah... please," he murmured softly before taking the pills he'd been handed.

With a nod, Kaoru grabbed them as well, standing to wait and see if Die needed any help opening the bottles or getting out of the bathroom.

Die took the pills, shook two out in his palm and then closed the cap, handing them back to Kaoru to put away. He swallowed them down with some water and then put the glass on the sink. He licked his lips a bit and then stared down at his boxer briefs. _'Fuck this.'_ He just stepped out of them and went to go wash his hands in the sink.

Kaoru put a hand over his smirk, feeling bad for laughing at Die, but he went about it so humorously. "I could have pulled them back up for you, sweetness."

Die paused, looking at him before he dried his hands. Stalking past Kaoru toward the kitchen, he shrugged a little. "It's kinda like... permission to be free."

Kaoru knit his brows together, noting the tenseness in his lover, keeping a cool distance as he walked back into the kitchen with him, weary of having Die go off on him out of pain and frustration and maybe exhaustion.

Die messed around in the kitchen, serving up the soup and quickly toasting some bread and smearing a little butter on the slices. He settled it out and then frowned at the tea kettle, which had boiled down to nothing. He turned it off and gave up, getting milk out and serving it instead. He stared at the seat for a moment and then winced, going to the bathroom and getting a towel. He came back and put it down on the chair before gingerly sitting down. "Dinner's ready, Kaoru," he murmured, wondering why Kaoru seemed a bit... off.

Kaoru chuckled quietly when Die retrieved the towel, leaning to place a kiss to Die's temple before settling down at his place at the table. "Thank you, baby."

He nodded and quietly tried the soup, wincing a little. He grabbed the salt and put some in before pushing it toward Kaoru. "Trust me... it needs it."

Kaoru snickered and gave a nod, pouring in a little salt and then trying it. "It's not all bad," he said, sounding rather impressed. Die didn't strike him as much of a cook, but for homemade, it was really pretty good.

He offered a bit of a smile and then went about trying to eat while he was still waiting on the pain pills to kick in. After a few minutes, he gave up and picked up the milk, hoping it would make his stomach stop doing the boiling number it had started doing.

Kaoru ate quietly, famished, watching Die's face contort with pain and wishing there was something he could do.

After a few minutes, Die just nibbled on some bread and finished off his milk. "Stomach acting up," he murmured softly.

Kaoru frowned and reached to stroke the back of Die's hand, getting up and clearing the dishes, rinsing them and putting them in the dish washer, coming back to stand behind Die and run his fingers through the other's vermillion hair, rubbing his scalp.

Die leaned back into the touch, closing his eyes and trying to just chill out, hoping that would help.

His fingers rubbed in slow, firm patterns from scalp to neck to shoulders and back, hoping to relax Die enough to soothe both pain and stomach.

After a few minutes, he felt a little less in agony, though if it was from the rubbing or the pills, he didn't know or care. Finally, he picked up his spoon again and tried more soup. "I'm sorry I'm such a crappy person to be around right now," he murmured.

Kaoru leaned down and kissed the top of Die's head. "It's alright, darling. You're not exactly in any state to be expected to be all good humor and uppity."

He smiled a little at him before he started to eat more of his soup, poking around in the bowl a little before each bite.

Kaoru hummed, oddly put at ease to play with Die's hair, putting little braids in it and twisting it around his fingers.

Once Die was done, he sat back, just closing his eyes and letting Kaoru braid his hair. After a little while he shifted, yawning. "Kaoru?"

He wrapped three small braids into one large one. "Yes, sugar?"

"Does it annoy you that I'm kinda... always horny?" Right... so the pills were kicking in again, it seemed.

Kaoru snickered, kneeling down and putting his arms around Die's shoulders. "Not really. I'll let you know when you wear me out."

He nodded a little and then bit his lip, glancing down at his naked lower half. "I guess my body is just kind of like... 'wheeee! play time!' because I hadn't gotten any for so long. So now I'm like... addicted or something."

Another laugh as Kaoru moved to lean against the table. "Speaking of which... is it bad that I get jealous thinking about you with guys when you were still living as a woman?" It was something that had been on his mind, haunting like, for a while now.

Die blushed a bit and then shook his head. "No... I guess I kinda don't like it when I think about you with other guys... but for me it's more because I feel somehow inadequate in comparison to someone who was born that way."

Kaoru started laughing, "oooohohohoho," and then began to cackle. "Baby, you, uh, you're easily some of the best sex ever." He stopped laughing and then crossed his arms. "I feel rather inadequate, myself, honestly. I mean... I haven't ever, well... fucked a vagina before." He gave a little shrug.

Die stared at him for a fraction of a second before shaking his head. "You do just fine, trust me. If you weren't, would I be orgasming?"

A tiny noncommittal shrug. "I've had bad sex and still cum."

Die screwed up his nose. "Not me. I mean... I'm sensitive and all, but..." he made a little 'urg' type sound and then gave Kaoru a hot look. "Wanna watch me?"

He blinked at Die, not really catching on, and then it clicked and his eyes nearly bugged out. "Y-Yeah?"

Die laughed at the face and then slowly parted his legs, deciding to be dirty and daring and just do it right here. He slid his hand over his thigh and between his legs, fingertips barely reaching his clit. At least he could reach that, even though he couldn't freaking wipe from the bathroom. He let out a little sigh of pleasure as two fingertips rubbed over the hood, slowly moving down to run over the head. He let out a little whimper and then moved his fingers to his mouth, coating them in saliva before going right back to what he'd been doing, this time with a more satisfied sound.

Kaoru watched with wide eyes, moving Die's bowl and glass out of the way to sit on the table facing his lover, pulse grinding up faster to watch the other pleasure himself. He wet his lips and observed carefully, both in arousal and taking mental notes on what Die liked best.

Die's cheeks flushed rather quickly with arousal, his hips canting up as he strained toward his fingers, which he moved faster over his clit. His breathing came faster and deeper, eyelids fluttering closed as he continued.

Kaoru started panting along with him, watching Die's slim, long fingers move, gripping the side of the table so he wouldn't be tempted to help, wanting to see the other bring himself off.

It honestly didn't take Die long before he cried out rather breathlessly, his insides spasming as he came. Whimpering, he kind of deflated in the chair, biting his lip as he peered up at Kaoru.

Kaoru's cheeks were pinked and he was panting through parted lips, a smile ready when Die looked at him. For a moment, he just stared at the other, then leaned forward and caught him at the back of his neck, kissing him hard, but sweetly, not hungrily.

Die stared up at him, chest heaving with the effort of breathing. The kiss made him make a small satisfied sound as he kissed him back.

Kaoru moved closer and kissed him a while longer, as though he was making slow work of seeing how many ways their mouths fit together, before he pulled back. "Mm, we'll need to be getting ready soon if we're supposed to be at the hospital by four."

Die looked kind of alarmed. "Oh! I forgot!" He blushed then, glad that Kaoru was here. Otherwise that would be bad.

Kaoru nuzzled his nose and then helped Die stand, taking the towel, with its damp spot and tossing it in the hamper, asking Die what he wanted to wear. Die stood up with help and then padded to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed as he watched Kaoru. "Jeans if we can manage it..." he didn't like going out in public in his sweats.

"It shouldn't be too difficult." He slid Die into some briefs and then found a pair of jeans that looked to be a bit baggy, ie, comfortable, and went to work putting each of Die's feet through the legs.

Die shifted around, helping as much as he could until they were done and he was actually dressed. With a soft sound, he lay back on the bed. "I'll just wear flipflops." He didn't want to be any more of a pain than he had to be.

A nod was offered and Kaoru went about making sure he had everything he needed, the usual routine, right down to the pocket pat and checking lights and such, even though it wasn't his apartment. He stuck his head in the bedroom door and asked, "Ready to go?"

Die smiled rather happily at him and then stood up slowly, nodding. "Ready," he murmured softly. His wallet and everything had been taken care of by Kaoru, so that was of no problem.

Locking up the apartment, Kaoru led Die down to the car, opening the passenger door for him and then getting in. Die traipsed after him, kind of looking rather glazed and uncaring about what was going on around him. Once they got the car going and were heading for the hospital, Kaoru had the radio blaring The Cure while he sang along softly beneath it. Die, on the other hand, began belting out lyrics, foregoing the under the breath thing that Kaoru was doing.

Kaoru laughed, reaching across the car and giving Die's hand a squeeze. "Oh my god, you know The Cure. Marry me!"

Die grinned happily at him and nodded. "Yup, of course I do!"

"I have to admit, that just sealed the deal on this. I'm not leaving until you file a restraining order." Kaoru chuckled and laced their fingers together, pressing the back of Die's hand to his heart.

Die laughed and then leaned his head back on the headrest. "Hnn..." apparently that was his answer for 'okay' in his current state.

Kaoru pulled up and parked at the hospital, walking around and opening Die's door with a comically chivalrous flourish.

Die giggled at him and then managed to get out by himself, moving to the side so Kaoru could shut the door.

He locked the door and then wrapped an arm around Die's waist, leading him in through the automatic doors and to the reception desk, signing Die in and then leading him over to the waiting area, sitting down in an uncomfortable plastic chair and having his attention quickly drawn to the television on in the corner, loudly playing some trash talk show with a whole selection of cross-dressers and burly biological women and transsexuals, having the audience guess the true gender of each individual. "Oh my god, you have to be kidding me..." He rolled his eyes and stood back up, going to turn the channel and lower the volume, luckily finding some demure nature show two stations down, and returned to Die's side.

Die stared at the TV, distinctly uncomfortable, shifting in his chair over and over. When Kaoru got up and changed it, he relaxed visibly, his eyes going to the floor as he swallowed. "Thank you," he muttered.

Kaoru tucked an arm around Die's shoulders and pecked his cheek. "I hate that trash. Like when the straight kids come into Derrick's and act like I'm a fucking clown for their amusement. One big joke. There's a humor aspect to drag, sure, but it's not my jokes they're laughing at..." Die frowned deeply and then nuzzled against Kaoru, burying his face in the other man's neck and just staying silent.

Kaoru nuzzled him back and then pulled a worn paperback from the messenger bag he'd brought along, opening to a page where he'd stuck in an ace of spades as a bookmark. The cover looked fairly unrevealing, a dark sky behind a looming temple spire, with the glow of flames below, and save for the publishing house's name and a few other such things on the cover, the book was entirely in Japanese characters.

Die just kept clinging to him, not really caring to move. He wasn't in the way and he felt better here. The book didn't even bother him.

Kaoru laid a cheek on Die's hair, closing the book around one finger to keep his place. "Are you alright, Die? You seem... really quiet all of a sudden."

He shrugged a little. "I think the meds are acting oddly with me," he murmured softly.

He frowned and rubbed Die's knee. "Why, what's going on?"

"Just feel overly emotional," he replied quietly, feeling stupid for that.

Kaoru didn't know what to say to that, just rubbing Die's knee some more until a nurse called the redhead's name.

When the nurse called him, he moved, shifting reluctantly away from Kaoru. "Should wait here," he murmured, knowing they had to check his drains and he didn't want that to bother Kaoru... and he really didn't want to see the other man puke. Kaoru gave a terse nod and an awkward wave, turning back to his book when Die was down the hall, pretending to read it, his mind too crowded with other things to really take it in.

Once Die was in the room, the nurse helped him to undress his upper half, removing the tank top, the binder, and the bandages. She checked out the amount fluid in the drains and wrote it down before emptying them for him. The doctor came in rather quickly, showing Die himself in the mirror and then setting about removing the drains, seeing it fit to be able to be removed since the drainage was minimal. The nurse helped Die to re-bandage, re-bind, and then get his shirt back on, also helping him in the bathroom, explaining how he could go about wiping himself so as to alleviate Kaoru from having to do such jobs. It was awkward and a little painful, but less so than before. He was told he could take a bath, just try to mostly keep his wounds out of the water and have someone else help him in and out of the bath.

Less than half an hour later, he was back out in the waiting room, a bag of bandages in his hand. "Ready, Kaoru?" he asked softly.

Kaoru raised his brows and slowly stood, eyes still flickering over the page, before he reached an apparent stopping point and quickly closed the book, grabbing his bag and walking to Die, heading back out to the car. When they reached it, he left the doors locked, gently maneuvering Die with his back against the car, moving in close, his hands on the other's hips, who still seemed suddenly deflated and dissatisfied. "Hey... I don't know how much of this you-being-mopey I can handle, it makes me nervous." One hand came up and stroked Die's neck tenderly.   
What would cheer you up, hmm? I hate seeing you down like this... I know you're probably worn out and in pain, but the low mood is pretty... worrisome." He pursed his lips and put his head to the side. "So what would bring that gorgeous smile back, huh?"

Die was surprised by Kaoru maneuvering him around the car to the back. Deep brown eyes peered at Kaoru from under the fringe of red hair and he blinked a bit, blushing as he ducked his head. "Sorry... I was just worried about what they'd say... and I hate hospitals so much." He frowned deeply for a moment before just leaning forward and resting his head against Kaoru's shoulder. "They said I can take a bath... I want one," he murmured.

Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die's shoulders, brows knitting. "What did they say that worried you?"

He shook his head a little. "Nothing. Everything was fine, but I'd read that it could be terrible and I was just worried."

Kaoru hummed, unlocking the car and opening the passenger door for Die. "Okay... come on, I'll take you home so you can get that bath."

Die smiled at him as he crawled into the car and leaned back in the seat. "Do you have any hand sanitizer?"

"Uh..." Kaoru popped open the central console and dug around empty cigarette packs and business cards and napkins, finally finding a little bottle of Dial. He handed it to Die and then put his CD binder in the other's lap. "You pick."

Die squirted out some into his palm and then rubbed his hands together. He then opened the CD binder and dug around until he found an AC/DC CD and then reached to put it in the player.

Kaoru smiled at the choice, rolling down the window a crack and lighting a cigarette, leaning back in the seat and humming a bit.

Die started singing along, fingers seeming to play air guitar. He looked far more at ease as they got further and further from the hospital.

Kaoru reached and turned the volume down a little. "Twenty questions. Well, sort of. I ask you something, you ask me something. What was your first time like?" He'd had an odd impulse to learn more about Die lately.

Die laughed softly at the idea and then closed his eyes while he thought about it. "Terrible... fumbling and totally not what I expected it to be. And they were more than pissed that I couldn't suck dick right."

Kaoru laughed. "Already, follow-up question, what was it like losing your, ah, vaginal virginity?"

Die swallowed and then blushed deeply. "I, um... well... you were there."

Kaoru hit the brakes hard as he pulled up to a red light. "What?!" He gaped at Die, stunned. "I--what--" He worked his jaw wordlessly. "Fuck... I--I didn't know! I was... really rough. Baby, you should have told me!" It was obvious he wasn't angry, just very, very shocked.

Die flushed brighter and then ducked his head. "It's okay... I broke my hymen years ago as a child, so..." he shrugged a bit. "It's just why I was so sensitive is all."

Kaoru gave Die a skeptical look and puffed at his cigarette, reaching over and taking Die's hand, kissing the back of it. "Well, my jealousy just subsided. ...I was seriously your first? I can't believe you could convince every guy you've been with to only do anal. Well, never mind, I can. Men are pigs." He laughed and kissed Die's hand again.

Die shrugged a bit. "Most I just sucked off and they never did anything in return. For the one that went further, it was easy to tell him it's tighter."

A laugh. "Nice deception. Though I actually think you're pussy's tighter." He winked, a lewd sparkle in his eyes, and turned off the main highway towards Die's apartment. "Your turn."

He laughed softly and then looked out the side window. "Um... I dunno... how was your first time?"

Kaoru blushed, stalling for a moment by smoking the last of cigarette then putting it out in the ashtray and rolling the window back up. "Well... I was dating this guy in college--I went to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, by the way--and we were pretty into each other, I guess, but neither of us had ever actually had, like, intercourse before. And like I said, I was a big time Goth, so... there's this big cemetery in Wrigleyville that we used to walk around, and we'd been together for about two months, and we were walking one night after a really nice date and we snuck into the cemetery, and he'd dragged a mattress out, with candles and everything. The sex was... really kind of terrible, we had no idea what we were doing, and it hurt so bad for the first twenty minutes or so for me, but it was really sweet of him. Unfortunately, he was a great artist, but um... he was a total dumbass. I can't date stupid guys."

Die laughed and shook his head. "Be glad it lasted twenty minutes at all. The only guy I ever had stick it to me wasn't all that experienced, I guess like a few before me and he was done in like five minutes."

Kaoru cringed. "I've had guys like that. It takes longer to get them into bed." He pulled into the parking lot of Die's building, finding a space. "Okay, ah... what's one clothing fetish you have for a guy? Like, tight jeans, black t-shirt, commando, shit like that."

Die chuckled, thinking about it as he unbuckled. "Hmm... tight jeans, no underwear and a hard dick just sticking out of the jeans. I love to suck dick when they have all the rest of their clothes on. It feels dirtier."

Kaoru got out and locked the car with the remote, hooking an arm around Die's waist as they headed for the door. "I'll have to remember that... your turn."

"Um... uh... how do you like to wack it?" So lewd.

Kaoru thought about it for a moment. "Um, pretty standard I guess. With porn, usually naked.... sometimes I use dildos or pull my own hair."

Die blushed a bit, thinking about it as he paused to let the doorman open the door for them, greeting him softly. Kaoru nodded to the doorman and headed to the elevators, lowering his voice. "What's the first thing you notice about a guy? And who, even if you never dated them, made the best impression with that?"

Die closed his eyes, thinking once they were in the elevator. "Hmm... I'm terrible. I notice their crotch first. If they're working with a bulge or not, if they're hard... or if their zipper is down." He smirked a bit. "This guy back in high school... always had the largest fucking bulge in his pants. It was obvious he was sporting a monster cock under there..." he laughed.

Kaoru quirked a brow. "Sexy." He hefted the strap of his messenger bag up on his shoulder as the elevator doors opened, walking down the hall and unlocking Die's door. "Your go again."

Die headed inside, heading straight to the bedroom, kicking off his flip-flops and undoing his jeans, shoving them down along with his boxer briefs. Then he stood there, waiting on Kaoru to help with the rest. "What do you think is your most girly trait?"   
"Me?" He stepped over and gingerly pulled Die out of the shirt and binder. "Physically, probably my eyelashes... or my hips. Personality wise, I'm really vain, in a feminine way. I obsess over how I look and dress. It's partly out of always feeling like I have to look perfect, vacillating with always thinking I already look perfect." He laughed at himself. "Are there any little gestures that totally turn you on? Lip biting, hair tossing, come hither eyes..."

Die grinned as Kaoru helped him out of everything and then he headed for the bathroom, bandages still on. "Well... if a guy is turned on and they shift a lot... that gets to me fast." He paused there. "Okay... so you have to help me get in the bathtub, but I need to take off the bandages. Are the wounds going to make you sick?"

"Um... I hope not." Karou followed, pulling the drain and starting the water, flipping the drain closed when it was hot.

Die thought about it. "Um... keep... your eyes closed and just steady me and then like... bend when I tell you to?"

Kaoru blushed, embarrassed he was so squeamish, but nodded, doing as he was told.

Die undid the bandages and then winced as he slowly got into the tub and used Kaoru to help him out. "Bend slowly please. I'll need help all the way down."

He gripped Die's wrist, squeezing his eyes shut and following the other's weight down.

Once Die was in the tub, he murmured, "Okay... turn around and don't look in the mirror... just in case." He just leaned back, letting the water fill up around him, feeling so nice... so very, very nice.

Kaoru followed orders again, feeling along the counter to get out of the bathroom. "I'll just be in the bedroom if you need me."

He nodded a little. "Kaoru? Can... can we keep talking? You just sit by the door or something?"

"Hmm? Mmkay." He doubled back and slid down the wall, sitting with his knees tucked up. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well, we were still asking all kinds of questions, right?" he asked kind of hopefully as he gently started to wash himself off.

"Mm. It was your turn, I think." Kaoru hugged his knees, laying his head on his arms, seated just outside the door.

"Um... what is it that made you squeamish? Usually there's a thing to trigger stuff like that."

"I don't know, really. I've just always had a weak stomach. I had a stomach bug when I was little, maybe it was that, I dunno." He shrugged, rubbing at a dry spot on his elbow. "In the last six months, what's the hottest sex dream you've had?"

Die's answer was immediate. "The one I had right after we first went out. I woke up actually orgasming and oh my god... it was amazing." He finished washing as well as he could, just settling back to soak for a while.

Kaoru grinned victoriously, leaning his head back against the wall. "Oh yeah? What was it about?"

Die coughed a little. "You fucking me doggy style and jerking off my strap-on." He blushed a bit.

Kaoru hummed, filing that little piece of information away for later. "Your go."

"What's your dirtiest secret?" He didn't really expect an answer, but he could try.

"You mean other than being a coke head?" Kaoru let out a heavy sigh. "Um..." He stayed silent for a long time. "My grades dropped from the partying and I lost some of my scholarships my last year at school... I--" He bit his lip hard. "Well, let's just say I had to find some pretty shameful ways of getting together some money."

Die contemplated what that would be. Quietly he asked, "Stealing?"

Kaoru let out a bitter laugh. "Shit. Why didn't I think of that? No... um... I did two pornos, and ah... sold a few blowjobs and one fuck." He was glad Die couldn't see him. He was shaking like a leaf. Not a day went by that he didn't think about those mistakes, but to drag them up made him feel like trash.

Die blinked a bit. "I want to see the pornos," was his only reply to that. Everyone did things they weren't proud of... and Kaoru's dick wasn't falling off, so... whatever.

Kaoru scoffed, fighting back tears. "No you don't. It's just me getting fucked by big white guys, and I was maybe 90 pounds then, and I had this big, long hair that was dyed every color and dreaded in some spots, and I wore a ton of makeup. I look like a drug-addled train wreck, which is exactly what I was."

He could actually hear the tears in Kaoru's voice and he frowned, trying to peer out to see him. "Kao... come here... please?" He wanted to hug him.

Kaoru shook his head forcefully, even though Die couldn't see it, hugging his knees tight while he tried unsuccessfully to keep the tears in. Something about Die opened him up, emotionally, and he wasn't really sure if he liked it. "My turn; so now you know your boyfriend was a druggie whore." His breath hitched. "How does that make you feel?"

Die frowned when Kaoru didn't come. He sighed softly. "I don't think any less of you, Kaoru. You're a sweet man and everyone has done things they are not proud of." He peered worriedly toward the door still.

"Oh yeah? Have you ever sold yourself for a fix? That's really what it came down to... I could have paid that last year if I hadn't blown my student loans on coke." Slowly, he crawled, eyes closed, into the bathroom, crossing his arms on the tub rim and laying his head on them. "I still feel so dirty... even more than when I first did it. I was at such a low point... I didn't care what happened to me anymore. It's only because I love my art that I made it through classes, but I can't even get a fulltime job as a photographer, so really, all of it feels useless. Nobody really likes my photos. I should have dropped out my junior year and come home and cleaned up, but I didn't, and now it's hard for me to look in the mirror some days..."

Die frowned even more deeply, shaking his head. When Kaoru came in, he lifted one hand, wiping it on the towel hanging near him and then reaching to stroke his lover's hair and face ever so gently. "If there is one thing I know, it's that dwelling on the past is useless, Kaoru. You made a mistake... and you fixed it. That's so much more willpower than most people ever have. You have a job that gives you money... and in this economy, that's a huge step forward from what most people have. I told you I don't think any less of you... and that should count for something. But you need to stop thinking so small of yourself or else nothing else will matter." Perhaps it was the prescription drugs in his system... maybe it was more than that. But either way, at least his advice was sound, his mind set on what he knew to be right... and that mattered more than anything.

Kaoru sighed and trembled at the feel of Die stroking his hair, keeping silent for a long moment before giving a wet sniff. "It's hard, forgetting. It sticks in my ribs... and, I've always found it difficult, thinking I was worth something." His voice dropped to a whisper through the statement and he hung there on the edge of the tub. He hid a lot behind the snarky, serious, catty Kaoru, and while this certainly wasn't all there was, this was the hurt that he was hiding underneath, something he showed almost no one. To do so now was taking a huge leap of faith and bestowing total trust in Die.

Die's eyes shone with his caring and affection for Kaoru. He moved as much as he could and gently tipped up the other man's head. "Lean up..." he wanted to kiss him, but he wasn't about to lean down to do it in his current state.

Kaoru sat up, feeling odd with his eyes closed, but he didn't want to risk throwing up on Die, on top of already crying on him. He ducked his head down, hair falling to obscure his face.

Die made a soft, almost upset sound as he pulled Kaoru closer, moving his chin back up and then pressing his lips to the other man's. It wasn't something passionate or wanton. Instead, it was an incredible amount of something he was close to calling love. Kaoru whimpered, melting into the kiss, opening his mouth to Die. It had been so long since someone had showed him anything but lust.

Die was gentle with it, coaxing Kaoru toward a little more before he stopped, gently ending the kiss and pulling back. "Stop being such a worry-wart." Kaoru opened his eyes to look at Die, rolling them and managing a laugh. "Thank you..."

He smiled at him, making sure to keep hold of his chin, keeping his eyes focused on his face. "Hey... it's part of what I'm here for, yeah?"

Kaoru gave one short nod. "Mm." He leaned forward and gave Die another short kiss before turning and sitting with his back against the tub. "It's your turn, by the way."

Die tilted his head and then thought about it. "Do you like something odd... like stuffed animals like I do?"

Kaoru thought about it for a minute. "Not that I can think of. My music if pretty weird."

"Nah... that's not odd." He laughed. "Doesn't count!" Kaoru leaned his head back. "The drag thing should count."

"There, okay... that counts." He smirked. "And it's hot..." it was kind of like sleeping with a girl... kind of.

Kaoru laughed. "You have to start coming to more of my shows. You'd be like Yuuko's new favorite accessory."

He laughed softly and then grinned. "Yeah, sure. Just promise to feel me up and shit."

Kaoru laughed. "Oh don't worry. I will. He reached back and found Die's shoulder, stroking it. My turn. I'm going to be vain for a minute. What's your favorite thing about me?"

Die smiled. He hadn't expected that one. "Personality-wise, your honesty. Physically, your tattoos... I'm addicted to ink... but only to ink on someone else."

Kaoru extended his inked arms, giving a dramatic sigh. "My honesty? Really? Tha' s usually what gets me dumped."

Die laughed. "No baby, I mean it. I like that you're honest with me."

He hummed, smiling. "I'm glad someone does. Your turn."

"Does it bother you at all that I'm not outwardly a boy? Well... not entirely anyway."

Kaoru put his head on its side. "At first. But now, no. I really like your body. It's exciting. And new. And your skin is like silk, I love that."

Die blushed at the last part. "Is it really?"

He nodded. "Mm... yeah. It's so soft... but manly somehow, too. I love your body. And, surprise surprise, I love your pussy."

"Oh yeah... how much do you love it?"

Kaoru laughed again, leaning his head back, rubbing the back of Die's neck. "Well, I fuck the hell out of it every chance I get, don't I? But you're still my man."

He grinned. "Good answer... and um..." well... no, he wouldn't ask for that again so soon. Even if the meds were making him more open, it would make him seem like a total slut. He blushed and ducked his head.

Kaoru grinned. "Well, um, ya love it? Yeah, I know." He laughed, pulling the purple streak of his hair in front of his face and started to braid it. "So, do you really want to meet my dad?"

"Yes, I do. I'd like to meet him and I want you to be able to go see him while he's here."

A nod. "I asked him if he would mind if I brought someone along Thursday. He said that's fine and then he asked if it was someone I was seeing..." He sighed. "Dad really tries to be accepting, and he would really like to meet who I am dating, but I can tell he's a little uneasy about it. Thank god I know he'll love you."

Die smiled a bit. "It's okay even if he does have an issue with me. I'll deal with it." He nodded sagely.

"Oh no, trust me, he'll love you. My parents are still rather snubbed Sachi married out of the culture, so the fact that you're Japanese is a huge plus, and the fact that you fish might mean he adopts you." Kaoru laughed, tucking the braided purple strand behind an ear. "And I warn you now, because everyone that meets him is always apparently floored by it, my dad and I look... very much alike, only he's much manlier. Very tall, very handsome. Sita calls him the samurai. In short, my dad's hot, especially for his age, so please god, don't drool on him. It's happened before." He laughed a little, crossing one leg over the other.

Die laughed softly and then shook his head a little. "I'd rather drool on the person who's actually going to bone me, thanks."

Kaoru rocked his head back, looking up at Die, upside down. "Your turn."

Die grinned. "Uh..." he tried to remember what all he had already asked. Had he asked about oddest fetish? Maybe... maybe not. The pills made things hazy. "Did I already ask about your oddest fetish?"

"Fetish? No. Um... I love to be slapped in the face when I'm getting fucked, and you know about the hair pulling. I scratch and bite a lot, too. I like to leave marks. I've tried to spare you most of that so far." He winked.

He grinned. "I'll take the biting... and um... I can try the slapping bit, sounds interesting." He licked his lips a little.

Kaoru dropped his voice to a sexy rumble. "Mmm, you know you'd love to slap the shit out of me while you're pounding my ass. What's your weirdest fetish?"

"Sounds like fun," he laughed softly and then grinned. "Um... maybe... the clothing thing... but more likely that I like cum on my face." He was just glad he didn't even flinch when he didn't give away what was truthfully his oddest fetish. But that was far too awkward and not something he wanted to discuss right then.

"Ooh. I can do that." He reached again and his fingers found Die's shoulder, making little circles against his skin.

He licked his lips and closed his eyes as he shifted a bit. "Okay... I'm pruning. I need out."

Kaoru nodded and stood, closing his eyes before turning around and bending, offering his arms out blindly to Die.

Die struggled a bit, managing to use the help in order to actually get re-situated on his knees and then use the tub to stand up.

Kaoru felt around for a towel and handed it to Die once the other was out of the tub, turning around and going into the bedroom to change into a loose pair of pajama bottoms and a tight t-shirt, stretching out on the bed with his book from earlier.

Die took the towel, very carefully moving to get himself dried off. He managed to get everything he needed done for the night completed on his own except the binder. Bandages around him, he moved into the bedroom, naked save for them, and then held out the binder to Kaoru. "Please help?" He felt much less disgusting now that he had completed his bath.

Kaoru smiled, setting down his book down and going to help Die, digging out the silky red pajamas and getting him into them. "Mm, come lay down with me, I wanna show you those photos I took of you." He winked over his shoulder and settled on the bed, pulling his laptop into his lap.

Die was kind of glad to have those silky red PJs on. It felt sort of normal and that was pleasing. He moved to curl up next to him and then blinked at the screen, waiting for Kaoru to show him the photos.

Kaoru pulled up the folder, going through them in chronological order, from the bikini to the strap-on, to the candid shots in the bedroom to them kissing, Kaoru pointing out his favorites. His eye for angle had captured Die authentically in the candid shots and in a chic, million dollar air in the bikini, something soft and honest about the otherwise absurdly bold shots of him with both breasts and a strap-on.

Die smiled the entire time, so proud of the photos, that right then he'd have been willing to show them to his own mother. He carefully moved to latch onto Kaoru and hold him close.

Kaoru leaned down and kissed Die's hair, pulling up two of Die in the bikini, one of him on his back, laughing, and another of them kissing. "Do you mind if I put these online? At least the last two on my Facebook, everyone's bugging the hell out of me to meet you, they're going to have to deal with photos for now."

He looked at the pictures and then nodded a little. "Okay. Unless... you think they're gonna give you shit over me not being physically a guy yet?"

"Shit." Kaoru sank back into the headboards. "I didn't think of that... I don't want my sister to know because she's a fucking loud mouth and will tell my parents, and I definitely don't want them to know yet. They won't understand and it's none of their business, and I really want them to like you."

He bit his lip a little and then nodded a bit. "Thought you might want to uh... think about that."

Kaoru rubbed his hands over his face. "Yeeeah... fuck. It's just... ugh, I know a lot of people will freak out and want to be part of my business and it's not their business." He looked down at Die, sighing. "What you look like under your clothes is between you and who you're fucking, and right now that's me, so... I really don't want the shit storm of people trying to make it all into some big fucking deal."

Die pulled him closer and narrowed his eyes a little at him before bluntly demanding, "Kiss me."

Kaoru smiled, doing as he was told, putting his computer aside and scooting down to lay beside Die, kissing him softly, the tip of his tongue coming out to play at the other's bottom lip.

Die moaned a little into the kiss, reaching up to cup his cheek. Kaoru sucked at his lip and rolled to run his hand over the small of Die's back, sighing. "I love you, sugar."

Die beamed at him, his eyes still closed. "You, too," he murmured softly.

Kaoru smiled, pushing some of Die's hair behind his ear. "Good. We're in agreement, then." He kissed Die again, snaking his tongue briefly into the other's mouth.

The redhead leaned into him and just kissed him back, moaning a little in pleasure. God he loved this... loved how he could just lean over and have someone to kiss. Kaoru's hands roamed lazily over Die's body, breaking the kiss and rolling on his back, pulling Die to rest against him as he picked up his book again, nuzzling the other man's hair.

Die willingly moved with him, curling up on the other and closing his eyes, tucking his head under Kaoru's chin.

It wasn't all that long before Die simply drifted back off to sleep, the healing process taking a lot out of him and making him nap a lot of the day away. But Kaoru didn't mind, just relaxing with him, digging out his book and actually reading some of it this time, a smile on his lips.


	14. Chapter 13

Kaoru pulled on a grey vest over the purple button-down, his hair in a ponytail, and he was wearing his favorite jeans. They were supposed to meet his father for lunch in about forty five minutes and he was starting to get nervous, wanting his father to like Die. "Okay, now, he'll probably shake your hand, but bow, too. He'll be impressed, I swear." He checked himself in the mirror for the fifth time.

Die moved around the apartment after Kaoru, smiling happily as he did so. "Okay, I will," he replied, nodding sagely. He was dressed in black jeans and a red silk button-down shirt. The top three buttons were open, showing the necklaces he'd decided to wear. His red hair was pulled back and up into a neat pony tail in an attempt to look a little more manly than usual.

Kaoru looked around the apartment for the rest of his things, determining he hadn't forgotten anything. "Alright, babydoll, let's roll."

Die padded after him, looking pleased and somewhat curious. "Where are we meeting him?"

"This little Mediterranean cafe. He's in love with Arabic food." Kaoru continued to primp, trying to look manlier rather than fabulous, like he usually did. When they got in the car, he took a deep breath. "Why in the hell am I nervous? You'll get along fine, he'll love you! How are you feeling, by the way? I'm sorry, I'm so pre-occupied..." he looked at Die apologetically.

Die just followed him, shrugging a little bit. "I'm okay... meds help with that, for sure," he murmured, re-checking his pockets for all of his stuff. "Does he care if I smoke?"

Kaoru squeezed his hand and then let go, going around and getting into the car. "God, no. He's smoked a pipe for as long as I can remember." He smiled, blowing Die a kiss across the car. Die grinned, nodding and responding with a kiss of his own before he slid into his seat and carefully moved to buckle up. He was getting somewhat better at this... or at least he thought he was anyway. Kaoru drove them over to an Arabic cafe downtown, pulling up just as a Mercedes parked a few spaces down and a man stepped out. He was easily 6'2", with longish dark hair greying at the temples and slicked back, wearing a nice suit. His face looked like an older, longer version of Kaoru's, with slightly sunken dark eyes that had a warm kindness in them. Kaoru got out of the car and jogged over. "Hey, Dad!" He wrapped the man in a hug, who returned it affectionately.

Die got out of the car slower than Kaoru, the bandages keeping him from doing so quickly. He approached the two of them, blushing faintly before he came to a stop a bit back from them, waiting so as to not impose on them. Kaoru stepped back, blushing. "Dad, this is Die. Die, this is my father, Tadashi." The older man smiled warmly, offering his hand. "Dozo yoroshiku, Die-san."

Die smiled at him and took his hand, shaking it while bowing a bit. In Japanese, he replied, "Nice to meet you, sir."

Tadashi smiled and squeezed Die's hand, giving him a critical once-over. "I'm starved! Shall we?" He gestured towards the entrance of the restaurant. His voice was a deep, soothing rumble. Die smiled kindly to him and nodded. He stepped back to allow their elder to go first. Kaoru smiled and rubbed Die's back, knowing his subtle politeness was making quite the impression on his father. Tadashi walked in and was led to a table on the veranda, the day warm and minimally windy. He sat, Kaoru following, and pulled a pack of mini cigars from the inside of his coat, lighting one, before taking a manila folder from under his arm and handing it to Kaoru. "Well, it's almost done. Your mother and I will soon be US citizens. How's yours going?"

Kaoru flipped through the documents. "Dad's retiring so his work visa is up. We all applied for citizenship a year ago, Sachiko got hers when she married Nick," he explained to Die, not wanting to leave him out of the loop, then turned back to his father. "I haven't heard anything yet."

Die politely kept himself listening to them, but not actually interjecting. It wasn't really his business at all. But then Kaoru explained directly to him and he nodded a little, turning his attention to them entirely for the time being since he'd been pretty much invited to the conversation. He did know his manners, despite not displaying them sometimes.

Tadashi frowned slightly. "I hope it goes through. If you were to have a lapse in employment, you could be deported." Kaoru swallowed, his silence clearly displaying his knowledge and nervousness of this. His father turned to Die. "What about you, Die-san? Are you Nisei?"

Die tried to puzzle through the word, thinking he remembered that it meant something about being born here possibly. He just nodded a bit. "I was born here," he replied softly.

"Mm," Tadashi took a long drag off his cigar, which smelled expensive and sweet. "You're lucky. The bureaucracy trying to get through the proper channels and stay here legally is hardly worth the trouble."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Please. You're practically Immigrant of the Year. I have never seen someone so simultaneously Japanese and pro-American." 

Tadashi laughed. "It's called being a businessman! What do you do, Die-san?"

Die blushed a little, nodding a bit. "I work in advertising," he replied, voice still soft.

"Aaah," he gave his son a knowing look and Kaoru turned red, staring at his lap. "I always thought Kaoru needed someone else with a creative eye."

Kaoru sighed. "Dad!"

His father laughed. "It's in my job description to embarrass you. So," he turned again to his son's lover (that exact wording something he had some trouble stomaching, but the young man was so far sweet and intriguing), "what part of Japan is your family from?"

"Kumamoto," Die replied softly to the question. The waitress finally arrived and asked for their drink orders. Die ordered iced tea and then quieted himself, smiling politely.

The older man offered a polite hum at Die's answer, ordering hot tea and falafel, Kaoru the same, reaching under the table and squeezing Die's hand. "Um, Dad, Die is a rather avid fisher. I thought maybe the two of you could fish together sometime, since I'm such a lousy fishing buddy. 

Tadashi laughed. "That you are, dear son of mine. That sounds promising, I suppose. Die-san? We live on the lake in Greensburg, perhaps you'd like to come up with Kaoru the next time he sees us?" He couldn't help but want to crack the other's shy exterior, wanting to feel more secure in thinking he didn't have something to hide, which in his mind meant the other could be dangerous for his son.

When Die realized they were giving more than drink orders, he thought about saying something to eat. But he hadn't looked yet and honestly, he didn't know who was going to pick up the tab. He didn't want to add a charge he didn't have cash for on the bill. He had three dollars in his wallet and that would cover iced tea. So he just shook his head when the waitress looked at him expectantly. She left and Die felt Kaoru grab his hand and squeeze it. He clutched it in his own and then blushed at the mention of the fishing. But after a moment, he laughed, unable to help it. "You are a lousy fishing buddy, Kaoru. It's true." He figured he could rib him a little. But he turned a smile on him all the same. He nodded a little at Kaoru's dad. "That would be nice," he replied quietly.

Kaoru looked at Die oddly, ignoring the burn. "You're not hungry? You should try the kabobs, I think you'd like them." He pushed a menu in front of the other, leaning into his shoulder, putting an arm around him, blushing to see that his father was not looking away uncomfortably, but was tactfully averting his gaze with a smile. Kaoru did an inner victory dance. "Eat, I'm buying."

Die opened his mouth to protest, starting to tell him he only had three dollars in his wallet. But then he told him he was buying and Die flushed a bit more, his brain going 'GIRL GIRL GIRL' loudly inside his head. But he took a deep breath and then opened the menu, feeling a little odd looking at the thing after the waitress had left. He finally selected the lamb kabobs, feeling kind of like a heel for it being somewhat pricey. But he closed the menu and waited on the waitress to come back eventually.

Kaoru took his arm from around Die and put a hand on his knee instead. Tadashi turned his attention back to the other with a demure smile. "How did you two meet? It seems fortuitous you have so much in common in such a spread-out city. There's not exactly a Japanese-Gay-Artists community here." 

Kaoru blanched, both at the fact the word 'gay' had left his father's mouth so easily, and remembering just how he and Die had met. He put a hand over his eyes, blushing. "Oh god..."

Die flushed a bit and then awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "Um... well... let's say that fate kind of had us _crash_ into one another." That was one way of putting it, anyway.

Kaoru snickered, his father raising an eyebrow. "Did you hit him?"

Kaoru blushed. "Er, yeah..."

Tadashi rolled his eyes, tossing up his hands. "You and your mother... it must be true what they say about Asian drivers..." He grinned at Die. "A rather odd technique, taking out some guy who rear-ends you." There was a pregnant pause in which Kaoru died a little inside, then Tadashi burst into a fit of laughter, a big, booming guffaw. "Ah, gomen! I-I didn't mean it like that!" He was terribly handsome, and looked ten years younger, when he smiled. Kaoru was mortified.

Die watched Kaoru a little, blushing a bit as he nodded slightly. He opened his mouth to respond and then his eyes widened and he choked on spit before laughing. It was true... Kaoru did rear-end him... in both ways! He had to put up one hand to try to cover the laughing. He bit his lip a little and then patted Kaoru's leg to let him know it was okay. "Erm... yes... but... fate." He was trying to answer it without being a pervert.

Tadashi finally quieted, leaning back in his chair. "Thank goodness, you have a sense of humor. I was beginning to lose hope, thinking you were boring, not just shy. But, Kaoru couldn't stomach boring, so I should have known better." Kaoru squeezed Die's knee under the table in a silent _I'm going to kill him_ , and was thankful when their drinks and basket of flatbread arrived, a well-needed distraction. Kaoru was horribly shy about such things in polite company. 

Die smiled and shook his head. "Nah, I have a sense of humor, I promise." He would have explained he was trying to be polite, but that seemed... pointless. He put his hand over Kaoru's, gently patting it in a calming manner. When the waitress appeared, he quickly ordered his lamb kabobs, feeling a little silly still, but actually rather hungry.

Tadashi turned his attention back to his son. "Asako is getting bigger every day. You should see the pictures Sachi sent us."

Kaoru nodded. "I know, she emailed me some."

Again, a question was aimed at Die. "Do you have nieces or nephews, Die-san?" It was hard to tell at that point if Tadashi was honestly curious about Die, or having too much fun making Kaoru sweat. In truth, it was a little of both.

Die's attention went back to Tadashi after a moment. "No, I don't," he replied softly, hoping the issue wouldn't be pressed any further than that.

Kaoru tactfully diverted attention from the topic, standing and asking to be excused to the restroom for a moment. The two of them, father and lover, sat in a rather awkward silence for a moment before Tadashi spoke. "He really likes you." He said it as if it were a matter of no concern. "He's my son, I can tell. I never thought I'd say this, but you make a good couple, you complement each other." He paused for a moment. "It's clear you make him very happy." He met Die's eyes then, his gaze level. "But so did the last one." There was nothing accusing in his gaze. In fact, if anything, it seemed pleading.

Die watched Kaoru leave and he, at least, didn't feel panicked. He looked up at Kaoru's father when he spoke and blushed a bit, nodding. "Thank you, sir," he murmured in reply to the good couple bit. He looked up to find the other man looking deeply at him. He winced a little. "I swear to you, I will not go down that road," he replied, voice steady.

Tadashi rolled his dark eyes, so much like Kaoru's. "I don't want you to swear anything to me. If anything, swear it to him. I just..." He sighed. "This is a little hard for me, not just because... you're both men, but because I've seen him get hurt before. I'd prefer not to see it again, though I know that might be hoping for too much. But..." He gave a lopsided smile, reaching to pat Die's arm. "I wouldn't mind seeing him with you for a while."

Die flushed a bit and then nodded. "We already went through I think the largest problem we could have, so..." he shrugged a little, "I think we'll be okay."

The older man raised a brow, but didn't ask, quieting when Kaoru returned, followed shortly by their orders. Kaoru racked his brain for a safe, broad topic, not wanting there to be some long, uncomfortable silence, but his father beat him to it. "When is Sita getting married? Your mother keeps waiting on an invitation."

Kaoru laughed. "They just got engaged! Sometime in the spring, she says. Die hasn't met her yet." 

Tadashi looked surprised. "What? How have you managed keeping something from her? Sita and Kaoru have been friends for almost ten years. We sent him and his sister to a private high school, and Sita was the only other non-white immigrant in Kaoru's year, so they stuck together." 

Kaoru gave Die an apologetic look. "I've been meaning to introduce you to her, but she just graduated grad school and got engaged, so she's been busy."

Die listened to everything, carefully sipping his iced tea and then trying some of the lamb. It was surprisingly good and he made a soft pleased noise before blushing faintly. He looked up at the others, nodding. "Good to have friends like that."

Kaoru looked at Die with an unreadable expression, making a casual offer of some of his falafel onto Die's bread saucer to try, in his head wondering why he never heard Die talk about friends, or any plans outside of work and occasionally his brother, and he wondered, with a sad pang in his heart, if he himself was really the only other person of any importance in Die's life. If Kaoru asked, he would find that Die had casual acquaintances at work, but not much else. His brother was the only person who cared at all outside of Kaoru. 

Die tried some of the falafel and smiled. It was yummy. In return, he pushed some of the lamb onto Kaoru's plate. Kaoru tried it with a pleased hum, murmuring a soft thank you, quickly and sneakily pressing a kiss to Die's cheek while his father had become engrossed with some article in the newspaper which had been sitting on the table beside him, eating almost robotically as he read. Die continued to eat, being careful to be polite.

Tadashi looked up from the article suddenly, meal almost finished, and turned his attention with a smile to Kaoru. "I promise to keep aloof with your mother about this." Kaoru snickered. "Or better yet, we could both play like Die-san is dull and averagely attractive, so perhaps her surprise at the opposite being true when you do finally subject this fine young man to my dear wife's first-meeting tortures," he smiled at Die, "she'll be a bit more lenient. You seem too shy to handle some of her, ah, more intense investigative techniques."

Kaoru huffed. "Mom's amazing, but she's a bitch when she first meets new suitors with me and Sachi, so we know if they're keepers if they can endure her torture and still want to be with us."

Tadashi laughed, again a thunderous rumble. "She did it to me, too, our first date, but I saw through her defensive nonsense. A good thing, too. She's the love of my life." He blushed at that, hiding it well, but still a bit flustered to admit such a thing, which was far too personal and forward by Japanese standards, but perfectly acceptable by American ones.

Die laughed softly, unable to help himself. He shook his head a bit. "I'm usually... less shy than this, it's just I don't want to be inappropriate or anything, so I'm being... toned down." Yeah... toned down... he'd go with that choice of words. He watched the reaction to Tadashi admitting he was in love and he smiled, knowing that was one thing that differed culturally. It was kind of endearing.

Kaoru squeezed Die's knee at the toned down comment, leaning into his shoulder. "I promise, he's very colorful." His hand remained on Die's knee, stroking fondly at his thigh. And if Kaoru kept up the stroking his thigh, he'd become a lot more colorful, he was sure.

A bit abruptly, Tadashi put the manila folder back in his briefcase and checked his watch, standing. "Well, gentlemen, it's been lovely, but I've got to go. Die-san, it was nice meeting you." He smiled and offered his hand again.

Die stood and offered his hand to Tadashi as well. "You as well. I hope to see you again." And he really did... and kind of hoped it was with fishing involved.

Tadashi nodded and hugged Kaoru before leaving, the waitress bringing the check and taking Kaoru's bank card. He leaned over when she had gone and kissed Die's cheek. "He totally loves you."

Die settled down on the seat again, blushing when Kaoru told him that his father loved him. "Oh yeah?" he asked, smiling at the other in the most subtle way he could.

Kaoru nodded, reaching to hold Die's hand. "Yep. I knew he would."

He smiled happily at him. "Good. I would have hated to be a huge disappointment."

Kaoru laughed a little, rolling his eyes and signing the receipt when it was brought, tucking his card back into his wallet and standing. "I've gotta swing by my apartment and check my mail real quick, is that okay?"

Die nodded. "Of course." It would be kind of nice to see Kaoru's place again anyway.

He nodded and tucked an arm around Die's waist, heading back through the restaurant and back to the car, opening the door for Die before going and around and getting in, backing out of the space. Die crawled into the car and then fumbled around in his pockets, pulling out a pill, tossing it back and swallowing it with spit. He was in absolute pain. Kaoru knit his brows, looking over at Die. "Hey... you alright?" His apartment wasn't far, just another block or so. "Do you want to just hang at my place for a while until that kicks in?"

Die made a face and then nodded a little. "Didn't want to interrupt things with your father for this..." he honestly looked about in tears.

Kaoru parked and leaned across the seat, kissing Die's face, wishing he could do something, but knowing all he had to offer was comfort. "Hang on a sec." He got out and went to his row of mailboxes, opening his with a key, and pulling everything out, before returning to the car and opening Die's door, frowning, hating to know he was in pain.

Die waited as he was told to and then looked up at Kaoru when he opened his door. Right... staying here for a bit. Carefully, he extracted himself from the car, biting his lip to keep in the pain.

Kaoru put an arm around Die to support him and led him up the flight of stairs to his apartment and unlocking the door, leading Die to the couch. "Here, sugar, crash out for a bit." He gently maneuvered Die down onto the cushions, then went about setting down his mail, flipping through it and throwing away the junk, then getting a big water pitcher and watering his few house plants. Die allowed Kaoru to spread him out on the couch, closing his eyes and biting his lip as he tried to get past the pain. For a few minutes, Kaoru disappeared into his bedroom and then returned holding a black plastic bag, handing it to Die, a strangely reserved, shy look on his face. "Here... you said you wanted to see them. If you were serious, you can have them. I don't want them anymore." It was fairly obvious from the way the bag hung that it contained DVDs.

It took a while, but when Kaoru came back, Die opened his eyes and peered at him. After a few seconds, he reached out his hand and took the bag, peering into it curiously, though half afraid to dig around while Kaoru was standing there. He looked curiously back up at him. "Are you sure? I mean... I do want to see... but if you don't want me to...."

Kaoru pursed his lips, shrugging. "I... I don't know how I feel about it. I think... for you to see it and it not make you push me away, it might help me move past a lot of the shame... but then again, I'm scared you'll watch them and think I'm trash." He bit his lip and sat on the edge of the couch. "I've got a little portable DVD player, if you want to just watch them here on the couch." He tried to smile. "I know how those meds make you horny."

Die blushed a bit and then bit his lip, nodding a little. That he could definitely do. He couldn't think of anything that would make him see Kaoru any differently than he already did. "If you don't mind... since I don't think I'm moving for a while." At least not off the couch.

Kaoru nodded silently, going to get the little player and setting it in Die's lap, pulling the DVDs from the bag. "Ah," his cheeks were bright red and his voice trembled. He indicated the one titled _Gaysian Sluts_. "Jesus, I think if the titles weren't so bad I'd feel better about this... I'm in the third or fourth scene of this one, and," he pointed out the other, _Broke College Boys_ , "I'm last in this one. It's ah, it's a little intense, so you might want to watch the other one first. I'll... go read or something, yell for me when you're done." He leaned down and kissed Die, slow, looking into his eyes with a slightly pleading expression before going off to his bedroom.

Die smirked at the title. "Dude... all porn titles suck, this is nothing new." He leaned up to kiss the other back before he settled and looked over the cover before putting the DVD in and going about starting it up. After a few moments it started up and he turned the volume down, flicking through to the third scene and starting to watch from there. Honestly, it wasn't so bad and not too low of quality porn either. He shifted a bit as he watched the scene that obviously didn't include Kaoru, head tilted.

The scene was fairly short and ended, the next fading in on two young guys sitting on a couch in kimono-like robes that looked like they had been bought for tourists in Chinatown. The one on the right had fairly short cropped dark hair, thin lips, and a square face, introducing himself as Dan, and the other was skeletally thin, with cheekbones that could cut glass and hollow, dark eyes. His long dark hair hung over his shoulders to his waist, a little ratty and streaked through with hot pink and acid green. He called himself Tetsu. When he spoke, though by appearances it was at first difficult to tell, it was obvious the latter was a younger, very strung-out Kaoru. There was some useless chatting between the two of them and the camera guy, and then they suddenly started to kiss and push hands under each other's robes, making a real show of it.

Die didn't find it hard to identify Kaoru, his eyes immediately on him, studying those eyes, and that face. He felt a twinge in his gut at the sight of his lover so very stricken, taken over by the need for a drug that was only consuming him. It was painfully obvious. After a moment of allowing that to sink in, he then allowed the Kaoru he had come to know to overshadow the ghost of what once was. As it progressed, he found himself shifting, biting his lip as he stared at the scene on the DVD screen. He could imagine him and Kaoru, something he loved, and he actually found himself rubbing at himself through his jeans a little.

The foreplay progressed quickly, with Kaoru as the aggressor, to mutual masturbation, both of them bare now, before Kaoru ducked down and started sucking the other off. The kid faked liking it - was probably straight - while a muscular, younger white man stepped into frame, grabbing Kaoru around the hips from where the other was on his hands and knees on the couch and began to knead at his boney ass, making jokes about him being too skinny to fuck without drawing blood with his sharp angles. Kaoru popped off the other Asian man's dick and growled, "Why don't you find out?"

Die watched, still envisioning his not-strung-out version of Kaoru, his fingers pressing more firmly against what would one day be most of his dick, shifting his jeans down around his thighs. After a few minutes, he was moving his hand harder over himself, letting out whimpering moans every few seconds, eyes still on the screen.

The other younger man shifted out from under Kaoru and the white guy lubed up his girthy dick, pushing into Kaoru without so much as a hello, making the slender man cry out and grit his teeth. There were a few awkward minutes of adjusting, and then some thrusting before Kaoru shifted, letting the man fucking him sit on the couch while he settled back over him, squatting over his lap, feet braced on the cushions, Dan slipping back in and jerking Kaoru off while the other hand worked on himself and the other man grabbed Kaoru by the hips, forcing him up and down, fucking him hard, Kaoru head lolling back, his clavicles starkly outlined under his pale skin.

Die watched that hand over Kaoru's dick, his mouth slightly open as he moaned and shivered. It wasn't but a few seconds more before he cried out rather sharply, his insides spasming as he came. After a few minutes of calming down, Die ran his fingers down further over his underwear, finding them alarmingly wet and he flushed, fingers going to feel at Kaoru's couch. Great... whoops. "K-Kaoru?" He asked rather sheepishly, as he paused the DVD.

Kaoru was stretched out on his bed, reading, or trying to, when he heard Die call his name, not having missed the noises before that. He stood and walked to the back of the couch, where the DVD player was facing away from him. "Yeah, sugar?" he asked, grinning when he noticed the obvious state of afterglow.

Die blushed quite a bit. "Um... well... I kind of... well... ruined your couch." He stared down between his legs at the wet patch coming from under his butt. It wasn't every time that he managed to squirt, but sometimes when he was really worked up... it happened. He shifted a bit and blushed more.

Kaoru made a snort, giving a lopsided grin. "You mean you came all over it. Geez." He laughed and waved it off, going to grab a towel, coming back and shifting Die, pointedly avoiding the DVD screen while he patted the spot dry.

Die blushed even more and nodded. "Yeah... I did. Sometimes I do...." He bit his lip a little and shifted a bit to allow him to get under him, hoping he'd pat his underwear dry while he was at it.

Kaoru folded the towel and placed it under Die, picking up a corner and rubbing across his underwear to at least get the excess moisture, standing when he was satisfied he had everything as dry as it was going to get, standing there for a second, wondering if he should leave and let Die finish viewing, or... maybe stay and watch it with him.

Die watched his lover, blinking a bit and then scooting forward a bit and kind of motioning behind him. "Stay?"

Kaoru pursed his lips and then carefully laid into the space between Die and the back of the sofa. "I really don't know if I can watch this... if I start crying on you, please don't think I'm just some over-emotional faggot." He pouted and pushed his cheek into Die's shoulder.

Die nodded, shifting to lie back on Kaoru's chest. "You're comfortable," he murmured softly.

Something about that statement made Kaoru smile and he tucked his arms around his lover's slim waist, sighing as he reached to hit play, trying not to attach too much emotion as he watched himself, hardly six years ago, cum on his own stomach while still being pounded, then having the other younger guy's spunk added to the mess. Finally, he was laid down and fucked brutally hard before the man pulled out and stroked himself off, spattering his cum over Kaoru's chin and neck. There was the obligatory zoom-in while Kaoru lay there panting, showing up close where he'd been marked, and that was the end of it. Laying there with Die, Kaoru felt slightly queasy, but he was handling it far better than he thought he would.

Die watched the rest of it, the bit where Kaoru came making him moan rather wantonly. Oh yeah... that made him really hot. Licking his lips a little, he then ejected the DVD and switched it out. After he'd started the second one, he questioned softly, "Which scene?"

Kaoru blushed, pressing his face into Die's back. "God, how can you get off to that? I looked like a tranny hooker's skeleton." He sighed, mumbling, "Very last one" to indicate which scene, and squeezed Die's waist a little more.

Die switched to the scene. "Because I just imagine it's you now... not strung out and with more meat on your bones. It's not hard if you have a healthy imagination." He shrugged a little. "And it is you, so some key things are very much the same, regardless... including the way you cum."

Kaoru blushed harder as the scene came on. He was totally nude, knelt in the middle of four guys jacking off around him. He was even thinner here, emaciated, his hair more matted, the colored parts, now with blues, blondes, and purples as well, dreaded into greasy locks, heavy makeup covering his face. He was clearly high as a kite. There wasn't much set-up, some chitchat to establish he was in art school and needed the cash and then it jumped right into the four men taking turns fucking him silly or shoving their cocks in his mouth. At one point (Kaoru had forgotten about this, and squeezed his eyes shut tight, groaning), one of them asked him if he wanted a bump and poured a little pile of blow onto his hip from a tiny vial. Kaoru immediately snorted it before deep-throating his cock while another guy started fucking him, gripping his sharp, boney hips.

Die watched the scene, the first part actually not making him anything but a bit wetter. Honestly, he liked it when one guy took turns with a whole bunch of others in porn. He blinked a bit at the drug use, surprised it had passed by the sensors, but he didn't say anything about it. The sound from Kaoru only encouraged him to reach behind him and rub his hand over that thigh. "It's fine, love," he murmured, sounding completely honest.

Kaoru blinked, subconsciously rocking into the touch. "You like watching other people fuck me?" he asked incredulously, while on the screen the last of the four shoved into him and grabbed a handful of his hair, making him scream while he was rammed into, cumming hard and everywhere, left panting on the floor once the last man was done, covered in sweat, cum lazily dribbling down his thigh from his abused ass. Kaoru sniffed, pushing his face harder against Die's back.

"Again, vivid imagination," he murmured, "I just pretend it's my dick... and honestly, I have a bit of a thing for group porn." He flushed at that admission, wondering if he was supposed to feel horrified. But the thing was, he knew Kaoru would be high, knew that the other was going to look this way... and while on some level, it did bother him, it wasn't enough to overshadow watching his lover star in porn.

Kaoru sighed, laying there after it had finished, stroking Die's hip. "Why are you so forgiving of me? Anyone else would have jumped ship, or at least given me some kind of fucking speech."

"Answer me this. Do you still do this kind of thing?"

Kaoru frowned slightly, surprised by such a reaction. "No, but... I mean, I do nude self-portraits sometimes, and... I mean, still! You just watched me suck and/or blow six guys without a condom, at the height of my addiction. Most people would get cold feet. I mean, just because I'm not using doesn't mean I'm not still an addict."

"You do pot. You haven't done anything else where I can see or tell. And I've already slept with you, so even if you'd got something from them, I'd already have it. There is nothing to freak out over as far as I'm concerned." He shrugged a bit.

"You are way too well adjusted," he laughed, kissing the back of Die's neck.

Die shrugged a bit. "I have too many other things to worry about in my life, Kaoru... I have to pick my battles."

Kaoru closed the DVD player and set it on the coffee table, pulling Die back down against him, cheek pressed into his hair. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Like the fact that my parents have issues with who I am... and the fact that I have to plan out every single one of these surgeries... and I have to hope and pray things turn out the way I want and I have little to no control over it." He shrugged a little.

Kaoru frowned slightly, rubbing one hand up and down Die's arm, the other toying with his hair. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "But if you think about it, it makes more sense why I wouldn't worry over things like this," he gestured at the DVD player, "right?" With that, he offered a soft smile at the other man.

Kaoru shrugged a tiny bit, nose nuzzling Die's temple. "I suppose so. Are you ready to head back to your place?"

Die leaned back against him, closing his eyes. "Hnn... can I just... nap on you for like... half an hour?"

Kaoru chuckled and nodded, shifting around to make himself a more comfortable pillow. "Sure, honey."

Die shifted again, ejecting the second disk and putting it back into its DVD sleeve. After everything else was put on the floor, he curled up on Kaoru, his cheek nuzzling against him as he closed his eyes. Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die, petting his hair, relaxing slowly before falling asleep with his lover, peaceful with the other in his arms.


	15. Chapter 14

The next trip to the doctor wasn't as horrible as the second. Die had cut back incredibly on the amount of pills that he ingested during a day. His pain was less and honestly he felt good about the whole trip to the doctor. They removed his stitches and gave him all that he needed to know along with a refill for the pills. It was the last time he could get it done just in case he'd managed to get addicted and the doctor made sure that was perfectly clear.

Coming out from the offices in the back of the clinic, Die paused in front of Kaoru and smiled. "Guess what?"

Kaoru looked up from the magazine he was flipping through, blinking in a cute gesture, offering a small smile. "What?"

"Stitches all out and bandages off!" He smiled happily at the other man before leaning down to kiss him on the lips, something he hadn't been able to do for a while since leaning down had been rather out of the question.

Kaoru made an excited sound and kissed Die back, reaching up to cup his jaw. "Ah, I can't wait to get back to your apartment, I want to see!" He put his magazine in his bag and stood, grinning.

Die bit his lip and nodded a little. "It still looks... kind of... bad." But not-gross out bad, he hoped. Taking his lovers hand, he straightened and then started out toward Kaoru's car.

Kaoru smiled, squeezing Die's hand. "You wanna drive? It's been almost a week."

Die grinned. "Sure!" He held out his hand for the keys, hoping he could actually do this without any fail. Kaoru chuckled, handing his keys to Die by the metal **K** on his key ring, following Die out to his car, sliding into the passenger seat. Die unlocked the car and allowed them both to get in, a smile on his lips. He started the car and the put on the seatbelt with a smile.

Kaoru chuckled at Die's obvious enthusiasm, buckling in and leaning back in the seat with a grin. "So, hot stuff, what do you want to do when we get home? Burn all your bras and binders?"

"Nah, I want to keep the stuff you bought me." He laughed softly. It seemed odd, but it was the blatant truth. Die didn't get many gifts, so all of them meant so much to him. "I think... I want to um..." he blushed and tried to think of something besides where his brain automatically went, which was to sex and him being on top since he could again. But he would come up with something else, if only to seem a little less desperate than he really was. "Um... hmm... I don't know."

Kaoru took Die's hand, nuzzling it against his cheek. "Well, think on it. Anything you want to do."

He nodded and then gently patted Kaoru's cheek before pulling his hand back so he could get the car moving and out of the parking lot into traffic. Only then did he put his hand back on the other man's leg.

Kaoru purred, laying his fingers over Die's, savoring the warmth coming through the fabric of his jeans. He winked. "I'm glad this is all pretty much over. Does it feel good?"

Die nodded a little. "It does... but it kind of feels odd as well. I just know I'm going to look down every time I'm naked and be like... what? Where'd they go? You know?"

Kaoru nodded. "I get that. I was getting so used to your tits, I have to get used to your new chest now." He licked his lips, pausing. "I mean... I've kind of come to think of you as like... both my boyfriend and my girlfriend. And now my girlfriend's going away." He pouted exaggeratedly.

Die laughed softly. "Dude... I still have the most girly part left. Don't cry yet." He smirked.

Kaoru blushed. "I know... I just... liked that when your clothes came off, there was this... gorgeous woman." He shrugged. "Not that I mind trading out for a hot guy." He gave a lopsided grin.

Die blushed and then nodded. "Yeah... well... I'm going to have issues with the washing for a while." He laughed a bit.

Kaoru nodded, shifting and discreetly moving Die's hand higher up on his thigh. "So, um... I had this crazy idea... I was wondering if maybe next time we go out to dinner, if you'd mind me coming as... a girl. Not Yuuko, just me as a girl." He blushed. "I don't know why, I just like that you always make me feel... kind of feminine. And I figured it might make you feel a little manlier in comparison." He lifted a shoulder. "Just a thought."

Die tilted his head a little as he drove, smiling and then nodding a bit. "Sure, that sounds like something that could actually be a lot of fun." His voice held a certain warmth to it.

Kaoru smiled. "Mm, just let me know when you want to do it."

He nodded. "Will do," he replied softly as he maneuvered his way expertly through traffic.

Kaoru just sat and stared at Die a little dreamily, then suddenly pulled a face. "This weekend is our last little bit of free time together. You've got to go back to work, I've got to get a blog done, and I have an interview in Portland on Thursday." He wrinkled his nose.

Die shook his head a little. "As long as we get weekends, we'll be good... right?" He really hoped so.

"Well, yeah." He shrugged. "It's just been nice, having no obligations but you."

"I'm enough work by myself!" Die laughed softly as he found a spot at his place and pulled Kaoru's car into it, then cut the engine.

Kaoru got out and waited for Die, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "So have you decided what you want to do tonight?"

"Not yet... though I'm seriously deliberating some good take out and a movie sprawled on the couch."

Kaoru winked, tucking his hand in the back pocket of Die's jeans as they started towards the building. "Sounds good to me."

Die enjoyed that hand in his pocket... that he couldn't deny at all. He smiled happily as they moved along. "Chinese?"

A small shrug as he pulled open the door to the lobby. "Fine by me. You order for me, though, I'm not feeling too particular. I have Netflix, we could hook my computer up to your TV and find a movie."

Die smiled and nodded. "That sounds like fun. I want something... gross and gory... if you don't mind."

Kaoru winced. "I don't know if I can do gory. There is this one movie, Severance, the gore is funny so it doesn't bug me too bad. It's sort of like a comedic, British version of Hostel, I guess." He waited patiently at the elevator, not caring that a teenage girl behind them was looking at them like they were aliens.

Die laughed. "Alright, so we'll do that one then." He smiled and leaned over to kiss Kaoru on the cheek. He glanced back at the girl and gave her something along the lines of the evil eye. "Problem?" he asked her, unafraid of a teenage girl, even in his current state.

Kaoru's eyes went wide, hissing through his teeth, "Die!" The girl blinked, misunderstanding the warning of the other's name as a command, turning grey in the face and turning quickly on her heel, heading for the stairs, instead. Kaoru looked confused, but as the elevator dinged to signal its arrival, like a light bulb going off, he realized what had transpired and cracked up, stumbling with laughter past the silver doors.

Die watched the girl's face go from looking like she had an issue to looking like she had seen a ghost. He watched her leave and he snorted, shaking his head as he got in the elevator and leaned on Kaoru. "Dude... I think she thinks we're real pissed at her. I was just going to see what she said and either explain or tell her to kiss off."

"No, no!" Kaoru slumped against the wall, hardly able to breathe he was laughing so hard, tears starting, his face scrunched up. "When I said your name! She thought I was telling her to drop dead!" He doubled over, gasping into between fits of laughter. Die couldn't help but start laughing with Kaoru, shaking his head and watching the other man almost fall over in his fit of giggles. He grinned happily. Kaoru stood back up when the doors opened on Die's floor, wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh, shit!"

Die snickered and headed out, pulling out his keys and moving to open the door to the apartment, smiling happily. Kaoru stepped in behind him and toed off his shoes, going to grab his laptop and the cord to connect it to Die's TV. Die walked halfway past the entryway before he blushed and backed up, pushing his shoes off and then retracing his steps.

Kaoru came back and quickly hooked everything up, not a particularly hard process, starting up the computer and checking his email quickly. He laughed and then pulled up Facebook, showing Die the picture of them kissing he had taken a month or so ago. "Have you seen this?" he asked, indicating the thirty-plus comments, most along the lines of 'Sexy new boy, K!' or 'If I don't meet him, he doesn't exist :P'. Kaoru smiled. "Seems like you're the hot new story among all my gossip hungry friends."

Die peered at the comments on the photo and smirked. "I hadn't seen it... since, you know... I don't exactly frequent Facebook." He shifted a bit and then smiled, opening the take out menu and deciding on a few things before digging out his phone and dialing the number, quickly ordering sweet and sour chicken, white rice, and a mostly vegetable stir fry.

"Ooh, ooh! Get me some fried dumplings?" Kaoru smiled and cleared his email, pulling up Netflix and finding the movie. "You know," he started, going back in the conversation, "I wouldn't be surprised if you have a bunch of friend requests now, because of me. I'm in a network of gays and journalists, Facebook and all that shit, it's more real than their actual lives."

Die quickly tacked on some friend dumplings to the order and then smiled as he hung up and peered at him. "Oh yeah? Kind of like that game... uh... Second Life?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Everybody wants to feel like they're connected and everyone has been trying to hook me up with somebody for two years now, so I think they're chomping at the bit to get to meet you and give you their stamp of approval, so to speak. Not that you need it." He leaned and pressed a slow kiss to the back of Die's ear. "I want to see your chest."

Die blushed a bit and then nodded a little. "Just be warned, it's still kind of... gross. Not like it was before, but you know... scabbing and whatnot. Are you sure?"

Kaoru nodded. "I want to see. I've been trying to imagine what it would look like, with your breasts gone, but I just... can't."

Die sat up a bit and put his phone down before pulling his shirt off over his head and letting it fall to his lap. He wasn't wearing the binder because he hadn't been told he had to. It felt... freeing. His breath caught in his throat as he waited on the response. Kaoru bit his lip, feeling slight phantom pains at the healing incisions, but fighting them back. Carefully, he reached out, touching the other's flat chest. "Holy shit... that's crazy!" A smile spread across his lips. "Wow."

Die kind of gasped at the contact. He hadn't even really touched himself as of yet and he blushed a bit. "It doesn't gross you out?"

"A little, yeah..." He shrugged and trailed a feather light touch over one healing wound. "Your nipples will miraculously reappear, right?"

Die laughed and then nodded. "According to the pictures... yes... at least I hope they look like something besides scabs at some point... because this weirds me out."

"It will heal, give it time." He leaned forward and kissed Die's forehead, leaning back with a smile. The other nodded and once the kiss was done, he pulled his shirt back on, settling back against the couch and pulling one leg up to kind of hug the knee, something he hadn't been able to do for a while now.

Kaoru lay down and put one foot in between Die and the back of the couch, the other on the floor, sprawled out across the cushions. "Do you want to start the movie now or wait until the food gets here?" He grinned mischievously. "I mean, we could always make-out to pass the time."

Die smiled at him. "Well, given that..." he shifted carefully, turning to get his position right and then slid between those thighs, peering down at him and grinning. Kaoru bit his lip and turned pink for a moment, bringing one hand up Die's arm to his back, leaning up and fitting their lips together gently.

He smiled down at the slightly embarrassed Kaoru and then shifted to press his lips to the other man's, tongue swiping out gently. Kaoru gave a short, pleased sound and opened his mouth to Die's imploring tongue, holding himself up with one arm, not wanting to pull Die down against him for fear it might hurt him to put pressure against his chest in such a way. Die moaned softly against his lips, licking his lover's tongue as he shifted over him. 

Kaoru's fingers ran through Die's hair, his teeth nibbling at the other's bottom lip. "Nn, god, I love your mouth," he hummed, maneuvering slightly to be propped up more comfortably. "I've always had a thing for big lips."

Die moaned softly at the words and then ducked his head, smiling. "Yeah?" He looked back up and gently ran his fingers over Kaoru's cheek. "Well... I really like your high cheekbones." Kaoru rolled his eyes, never very good at taking compliments, and kissed him again, running the tip of his tongue along the back of Die's teeth. His lover whimpered a little and then moaned at the treatment. Kaoru slid back against the arm of the couch, leaning forward so he would not break the kiss, his now free hand coming to rest gently over Die's chest.

Die made a soft sound as he pulled back from him a bit and stared down at him. "I..." No... he had told himself he wouldn't ask for that right then... not again for a while. Kaoru was completely oblivious, pulling Die, carefully, down to lay on their sides facing each other, hiking one leg over the other's hip.

He shivered again and then finally pulled his lips away, tucking his head down against Kaoru's chest and letting out a little whimper, almost clinging to the other man. "Baby," Kaoru whined, soothing his hand over Die s hair. "What's wrong?"

He whined again and then shook his head a little. "I just... I want..." he sighed and shook his head, "I don't want to put you out."

Kaoru pulled back and looked at him as if to say 'seriously...?' and sighed. "Honey, what in the hell are you talking about? Just spit it out!"

Die sighed softly and then frowned a bit. "I'm always all riled up... I think it's the testosterone or something... and I feel bad that I'm always horny."

"Sweetie... first off, I can pretty much guarantee you it's the testosterone," he smiled, "and second, it's not like I'm a nun. Sure, sometimes all I want to do is just kiss you, but you act like you think I don't want to make you horny, or like you don't do the same for me."

Die flushed darkly, looking up at Kaoru. Sometimes no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure out how he was supposed to truly act as a man. Some things were just so inherent in being a woman that they stuck automatically like glue. He lifted one hand to run through his long red hair and he sighed. "I just..." he closed his eyes, "am I really okay this way? Being this damn aroused all the time? I'm not driving you crazy?" If he was lucky, he wouldn't be driving him nuts with this either.

Kaoru flopped down on the couch, laughing softly. "I'll let you know when you've run me ragged."

He nodded a little and opened his mouth to ask for what he wanted. But he didn't even get out a single word before there was a knock on the door. He groaned and shifted, pulling out his wallet and some cash, holding it toward Kaoru. "Will you get it?" 'It' being the door.

Kaoru grinned at his obvious frustration and took the money, going and opening the door, leaning in the frame. Die lay there on the couch, looking rather put out, one hand sneaking down to rub over his clothed crotch, the feeling of the packer there making him smile to himself as he imagined it was real, imagined that if he took it out he could jerk it off and it start to get hard. Slowly, he got kind of lost in it, kneading at the fake balls and cock, biting his lip.

Kaoru took the big bag of food and handed over the cash, insisting no change was needed, and went immediately into the kitchen, grabbing two beers before heading back into the living room, halfway into, "Alright, if you don't like the movie we can watch something else," when he realized what he was looking at and stopped, setting the food and beers on the table, putting his hands on his hips with a smirk. "Should, ah, should I leave you two alone?" he joked, half serious. Sometimes it just felt better with your own hand.

Die gasped when Kaoru came back in the room and he blushed, yanking his hand away. "Ah... sorry." He swallowed and started to sit up.

Kaoru shrugged and sat down on the arm of the couch. "You won't be able to focus on a single thing if you don't, dammit, so either get yourself off or tell me how you want me to do it for you."

He swallowed a bit and shifted around before murmuring softly, "I just wanted to..." he blushed and then murmured, "pretend it's real, Kaoru... for me?"

Kaoru slipped down on the floor and rubbed Die's thigh. "I do, baby. Always." His brows furrowed. "Maybe I'm confused; your packer or your dick?"

Die blushed something awful, coughing softly. "Umm..." he squirmed a little, "for now... my packer." He wasn't sure why, but for some reason it just turned him on to think of it that way.

Kaoru was about to protest, not sure how that would get Die off, but he stayed silent, splaying his fingers and trailing them up Die's thigh over the bulge in his jeans, feeling along the edges of the plastic cock beneath, his amber ring clinking against the zipper. He craned forward and kissed his lover's side through his shirt. Die arched toward him, his eyes watching the other as he touched him like this. "One day," he breathed, "it'll be real... all of it." He bit his lip faintly, shivering a bit, already feeling how his underwear was becoming damp between his thighs.

Kaoru stretched to kiss Die's mouth while his hand worked over him through the jeans, having to use his imagination to fill in the parts where Die would be hard now, and opened the fly with one hand, reaching in, still feeding indulgently from the other man's mouth, and wrapped his fingers around the flaccid length, starting to stroke. Die trembled under him, hips pushing up over and over, gasping into the other man's mouth. It honestly didn't take him long before he started to shove up harder, whining. "K-Kaoru... ah... oh... yes!"

Kaoru moaned, shifting down to Die's neck, his hand moving deftly. "Ooh, yes, let me hear you, baby."

He moaned louder, shivering, his hands clutching hard at Kaoru's shirt and bucking against his hand. It wasn't even but a few more seconds before his cry was so sharp that it was obvious he was cumming, trembling under Kaoru. No sooner had he melted back against the couch than Die whispered, "Please... please, Kaoru... fuck me. Hard and fast."

Kaoru's eyes went wide, shocked. He was only half hard, but he got up on the couch and pulled Die over onto his hands and knees, pushing pants and underwear down over his ass while he rubbed himself to full hardness through his jeans. Die whimpered softly, allowing Kaoru to move him, spreading his thighs and arching his back up a bit, biting his lip. Kaoru ran his hand over Die's back under his shirt, getting to feel the bare skin for the first time without breasts hanging underneath. There were so many conflicting emotions in him; he wanted to please Die, wanted to fuck him like the other had asked, but part of him wished they could just lay and kiss and get used to the feel of each other's skin without it always leading to fucking. And that was all it had amounted to so far, really; fucking. But, he did as he did best and shoved his emotions down in his gut and spit into his hand, lubing himself up before pressing himself against his lover's ass, trying to enter him as tenderly as possible without seeming like a pussy trying to go slow.

Die shifted a little bit, whimpering and then gasping harshly as Kaoru started to push into his ass. "Oh god... oh yes..." he whimpered and hung his head, biting his lip hard and then groaning softly. If Die had known Kaoru's feelings, he would have stopped, wouldn't have asked for a single thing, but he'd been reassured it was okay and at least for that moment, he was using that reassurance. He moaned again, his head bowed as a soft tremor went through his body.

Kaoru pushed all the way in, making short thrusts until moving around inside Die became easier before giving the other exactly what he'd asked for: hard and fast.

Die clutched at the sofa under him, whimpering and whining as he squirmed under Kaoru, still incredibly turned on. The feeling of Kaoru's balls smacking into his wet pussy was something achingly close to heaven. He shivered and then cried out Kaoru's name rather loudly. Kaoru panted and thought of nothing but to keep going, to find his orgasm, which seemed so elusive, not wanting to leave himself unsatisfied, which would lead to the inevitable conversation of how he wished Die was more romantic - which was a faggot thing to say - Die was sweet as honey. So he shut his mind off and leaned over the other, biting at his shoulder as he pounded away.

Die whimpered out again and then bit his lip and shivered. "Kaoru," he gasped out, "I-I... l-love... you." His fingers dug harder into the couch cushions, his body straining back toward Kaoru.

Kaoru redoubled his efforts, biting Die harder, conflicted that this was the first time Die had said such a thing so plainly, but he was unsure how he felt about it being said in the heat of the moment. Figuring he had to take it for what it was worth, he wrapped an arm around Die's shoulders, effectively squeezing against the other's throat, letting out a quick torrent of sweet nothings dirtied up in Japanese. Die shuddered, biting hard on his lip as the other continued to move behind him. Something about the entire thing wasn't quite clicking, but he couldn't figure out what it was. It all felt so good, but it felt... kind of like maybe Kaoru wasn't quite into it? He ducked his head, pushing his face into the cushions.

Kaoru groaned, desperate to find his end. "Pull my hair," he begged, practically sobbing out the words. "Oh please, pull my hair, yank it. Don't let go 'til I cum."

Die did his best to squirm around until he could reach the tip of Kaoru's hair. He gathered it into one fist over his own shoulder and then yanked harshly. Kaoru all but screamed into Die s ear, face forced against the other's throat, panting and thrashing, feeling release bubble up, nearly in tears, hoping it would come fast. Die let out something close to a snarl as he yanked even harder. "Ah... Kaoru... fucking cum, cum in my fucking ass," he bit out.

That shoved him over the edge, and he did just as Die commanded, giving a wail and emptying himself into the other, shakily getting up after a quaking moment and pulling out of Die, collapsing back against the couch, eyes fluttering closed, his chest heaving for breath, his heart visibly pounding under the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

Die whimpered softly at the feeling of Kaoru spurting deep inside him. When he finally moved, he slid around, managing to get his pants moved back up and his packer readjusted. Once he was sitting again, it was curled up next to Kaoru, his hand over that fluttering heart, his head resting on Kaoru's shoulder. 

Kaoru couldn't do much but lay there, limp, managing to lay a hand against the small of Die's back as he tried to even his breath, slow his heart. After several minutes, he finally moved, wrapping his arms around Die and pulling him close, fitting against the other. His dick was still out of his pants, but he didn't care. "Fuck..." was about the most logical thing he could come up with at present.

Die smiled against Kaoru's shoulder, his eyes closed and a happy, glowing look on his face. He made a soft sound and then murmured, "Hnn... Kaoru..." in a contented kind of way.

Kaoru shifted down so that they were more eye-to-eye, humming "Mm?" lazily at his name, moving Die's shirt aside to see if his bite had left any significant mark.

Die shifted to let him see his shoulder, an obvious smile on his lips. "Thank you, love."

Kaoru stroked the dark oval, giving a satisfied smile, growling playfully, "Mine!", and then, with a laugh, "For what, the bite or the fuck?"

"All of it," he murmured, lazily stroking his hand over Kaoru's chest. He peered up at him, his eyes having a serious shimmer in them. "I meant what I said, you know..."

Kaoru's lashes veiled his eyes and he ran his hand up and down Die's back. "I know..."

Well... that wasn't quite the response he'd been hoping for when he finally told him the three words he'd wanted to hear before. But, he supposed he kind of deserved it, given that he couldn't say it when Kaoru had wanted him to. Die shifted a little, suddenly feeling really awkward. 

Kaoru sighed, sensing he'd miffed Die with that, but the circumstances of finally having Die tell him he loved him were not particularly preferred, and Kaoru sort of hated the 'I love you, I love you, too' exchange. If he was going to tell Die that, it was going to be on his own terms, not some empty call and response. "I do! ...I think. It's been a long time since I've heard somebody say that, I have to get used to it again. Next time, though, ah... maybe not while my dick's in your ass?"

Die swallowed, suddenly feeling somehow shallow. The cum leaking from him that had a moment before been a comfort now felt disgusting, like something he desperately wanted to get out of him and off of his body. Not because he had an issue with Kaoru, no, not at all. In fact, it was all about how he felt like trash for having wanted what he did. He felt ashamed and like he'd used Kaoru's kindness. But he didn't show it, didn't say it; just remained there for a long few moments before nodding a little and then getting up slowly. "Need to clean up," he murmured softly, heading into the bathroom and promptly closing and locking the door before almost ripping off his clothing. By the time he had the shower going, tears were streaking down his face and he was madder at himself than he'd been in a long while. Why had he said it then? Why had he said it at all? Why had he fucking decided he needed to do something about being horny? He slowly saran-wrapped his upper half and then crawled in the shower, quickly starting to wash off with soap and water. 

Kaoru tucked himself back into his jeans, sitting there on the couch feeling like a total jackass. "Why in the FUCK did you say that?" he growled at himself, angrily putting food on plates and in the microwave, trying to get food ready and regain some sense of normalcy before Die got out of the shower, but he was too frustrated with himself and his own flustered emotions, slamming down the carton of rice and storming out onto Die's tiny balcony, chastising himself hotly around a cigarette. "You're a fucking idiot, Kaoru. If you'd shut up once in a while and let things take their course, maybe they wouldn't fall apart."

It wasn't long before Die was out of the shower, his hair actually clean for the first time in a while and his body scrubbed except for his chest. He carefully dried off and then collected his clothing, making his way quickly from the bathroom to the bedroom to get a long-sleeved white shirt and a pair of really baggy sweatpants on. He came back out, kind of dragging his feet, feeling stupid and knowing that his eyes were a little red from having cried like the sissy he apparently was. He paused in the empty living room, frowning a little and then silently praying that Kaoru hadn't left. Quietly, he questioned, "Kaoru?"

Kaoru turned around, hearing his name from the porch, snubbing out his cigarette and stepping back in, closing the door and pressing his back to it, wanting to say a lot but deciding on nothing, seeing as he always said the wrong thing and he wished the thick, dangerous tension between them would just go away.

Die actually visibly relaxed when Kaoru came back in from the porch. He let out a soft sound and moved over to him, hesitating and then wrapping his arms around Kaoru's torso and hugging him for a moment before whispering, "Sorry," and then heading toward the kitchen, hearing the microwave.

Kaoru felt like an asshole still, going into the kitchen and stepping behind Die, running a hand down the back of one of his arms. "I love you." It was quiet and calm as he stepped around Die and fixed them plates, handing the other one.

Die swallowed and nodded a little before he allowed Kaoru in front. "You don't have to say it, it's okay," he murmured.

Kaoru turned on his heel, eyes narrowed slightly. "I don't just say shit like that. I do love you, Die." He set his plate down on the coffee table and sighed, taking Die's plate and setting it down too, grabbing the other by the biceps. "Daisuke... I'm gay, not to mention a bottom, and you were born a woman, but I fuck your pussy. The only two things that explain that are crazy and love, and I'm not wearing tinfoil on my head yet."

Die actually gasped when Kaoru turned on him like that. He shrank back a bit and his lower lip trembled a little. But after a moment, he managed to snort, the last part making him able to focus again. "No... no tinfoil," he murmured quietly before sighing and hanging his head, wet red hair falling in the way. "I just... I know I fucked up. I'm sorry I asked for what I did and I'm sorry I said it then."

Kaoru frowned slightly. "It's not that you asked me to fuck you. Die, you turn me on! It's just..." he sighed. "I don't want that to be all we are together." He let go of Die, looking at the floor. "I don't want that to be all I am to you."

Die swallowed hard, watching him and biting his lip a little. After a moment, he pushed his wet hair back from his face. "It's not though, Kaoru. I mean... you're a lot more than that to me. I just can't seem to help how much I've been enjoying sex with you." He looked rather distressed, his eyes on the floor now because he was afraid looking up would cause the stupid waterworks to come back again. "I... I promise I won't ask for anything for a few weeks." Now he finally looked up. "Will that prove to you that it's not just your body I want?" His eyes were pleading, shimmering with something close to tears again.

Kaoru sort of rolled his head. "I don't know if I can hold out for a few weeks." He huffed a short laugh. "It's not the sex, Die. I like having sex with you. It's just that all we do is fuck. ...Does that make sense?"

Die blinked a little and then looked really confused. "But we're going to watch a movie," he pointed out quietly, really and truly confused.

Kaoru laughed a little. "No, I mean, when we have sex, it's pretty much always just fucking." He pursed his lips, tucking his shoulders in towards his chest, trying to be as delicate as possible while still getting his point across and feeling like he'd failed miserably.

Die blinked at him and then it slowly started to sink in. "Oh... oh! You mean like... we don't... make love?"

Kaoru blushed. "Well, yeah, but," he turned even redder, "sometimes I just want to kiss you, or lay with you, or feel your skin, but it always just... turns into sex." A tiny shrug. "I mean, I know the hormones are a big part of it, you're a boy going through puberty, I just wish-" he shut his mouth quickly. There was no way in hell he was about to utter the word romance unless he was talking about a Lady GaGa song.

Die bit his lip a little and then nodded. "Okay... I just..." he scratched his head a little. "Okay, I'm going to be honest. I joined a site for a lot of FtM people and it has hints on what to do and how to act so that you come across more as a man." He leaned back against the counter. "Parts of what it told me were to ditch things like wanting to cuddle, asking for things I would have before and to always open my mouth if I want sex." He winced a little. "I guess I'm... I don't know... taking it all too far or something?"

Kaoru looked almost angry then, though not at Die. "God, that is such bullshit! I hate it when transgenders suddenly start hugging onto these archaic stereotypes of what it means to be a man, or what it means to be a woman. I'm a man." He pointed emphatically at himself. "Sometimes all I want is to run my fingers through your hair and hold you. But I'm not just some fucking fairy. Do you know how many bar fights I've been in? And won?" He shook off his anger, hooking a hand at the back of Die's neck. "Baby, you are a man. Don't let that be all there is to you. I don't need convincing, trust me."

Die at least understood that Kaoru wasn't necessarily angry at him. The words seemed more directed toward what the site had taught him more than anything. He leaned into the touch and rested his head on Kaoru's shoulder. "Maybe... you should help me go over the rest of it and see what else they're being too harsh on?" He said it as more of a question, wanting help but unsure if he was supposed to be asking for it or not. "I know I don't have anything to prove to you, but the rest of the world needs to believe when they see me... they don't need to look at me and think 'oh that used to be a girl'. You know?"

Kaoru sighed. "Maybe... I'd probably go off on some huge tangent and rant for hours, though." He patted Die's cheek. "And sugar, I don't think anyone thinks you are now - or have ever been - a girl. I, who make a living off dissecting the lives of gender benders, was completely and totally shocked."

Die relaxed at that last bit and then nodded. "Okay..." He smiled happily at him and then picked up one plate, gesturing with his head toward the living room. "Still hungry?"


	16. Chapter 15

Kaoru sat on the bench in front of Applebee's, early, as usual, feeling a little shy and delicate, which he was rather unaccustomed to. He'd gone for demure, not loud and sexy Yuuko, wanting to be himself, as he imagined he might have been if he'd been born a woman. He'd gone full-force with it, too; his toenails, shown off in the little white leather sandals, were a bright, glittery pink. He'd gotten his nails done with short French-tips. He'd covered his bat with makeup, but otherwise wasn't wearing much, just a little dark rose blush and shimmery nude shadow, with just mascara on his natural lashes, a little black on the bottom lid line, and a pink stain on his lips. He was wearing a white sundress with a skirt that ballooned and fell to just above the knee, with wisteria vines on it, and a chartreuse cardigan over that, unbuttoned, covering his tattoos. 

His jewelry was simple, white beads around his neck and wrist and a thick silver band on the middle finger of his right hand. He'd died the purple streak black and curled his hair into loose, 1940's inspired spirals, and had a white beaded clutch as his bag. He looked, as the once-overs from guys walking in proved, like a sweet young woman, no trace of man or cross dresser at all evident until one made closer inspection on his throat and more masculine facial features, like his brow. He'd worn a bra, stuffed modestly, just a little cleavage showing in the moderately low neck of the dress, and matching white lace panties, leaving himself un-tucked, but even his lingerie was almost... virginal. He had it in his mind to look like Die's sweetheart, not his spitfire or his mistress. Pushing any nervousness about his attire and how mismatched it was to his body beneath aside, he sat waiting for Die, hands in his lap and a little innocent looking and wide-eyed. Anyone who knew him would have walked right by the woman seated outside the restaurant.

Die was at least glad he'd been informed of what was going to happen. Kaoru was going to dress as a woman and he was to act the part of the man that he identified as. Though in this situation, it was a little more difficult than that. He would have to figure out how to come off as less gay and more straight... at least while they were in public, so as to not give Kaoru away. He kind of wondered if he could actually do this, if it wouldn't become glaringly obvious after just a few short minutes. Maybe they should have tried it at home first, but then again, he supposed trial by fire was a sure method as well. He dressed in a pair of nice black jeans and a black button-up shirt with some store logo over the breast pocket, only leaving one necklace on. Having had the time, he had deliberated and thought it out completely. In the end, he had gone to the hair salon and had them - quite literally - chop off most of his hair. It went from almost knee-length red to short and, at the moment, meticulously spiked, deep red. He left on the black eyeliner, feeling almost out of place without something left from before.

Upon arriving at Applebee's, he stood beside his car, smoking a menthol just to calm his nerves, all of his 'what if's, because it was certainly true that this would all be of huge shock to Kaoru. He hadn't told him, hadn't even hinted on it. And now that Kaoru wasn't at his apartment anymore, it had been two days since he'd actually seen the other man, work having taken over for the time being. He smoothed his shirt and cleared his throat before he headed straight toward the entrance, a determined and slightly scared look on his face.

Kaoru had one leg crossed over the other, bouncing his foot, looking up briefly when he saw a lanky body dressed in black come around the corner, but noticed short, spiked, dark red hair and looked back down at his hands in his lap, assuming it was just some punk. But then he froze, head popping back up, staring at the skinny stranger... which was Die. His eyes were as big as saucers and he couldn't even stand up, clapping both hands over his mouth in shock, shouting 'oh my god!' in a muffled, high pitched voice. It was a huge change. He couldn't formulate an opinion, even, was just shocked that all that hair was... gone. It completely changed his lover's face, made him look a little younger, brought more attention to his broad shoulders, made him look... manlier.

Die knew he was looking for the female version of Kaoru and so he looked around. Upon hearing the 'oh my god' come out of a girl, he did a double-take and then shifted closer to them, his hands in his pocket. "Kaoru?" he almost whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear until he was sure what Kaoru wanted to be called.

Kaoru stood up slowly, a sort of dumb struck smile across his face, uttering 'uh huh', staring at Die. He took a step towards him and couldn't think of anything more poignant to say than, "You cut your hair," obviously shocked stupid, but he couldn't stop smiling.

Die laughed softly and then nodded. "Yeah, I sure did." He took Kaoru's hand in his own and led him toward the door, opening it and stepping back to allow Kaoru in first.

Kaoru blushed, stepping in, opening the second door for Die, still kind of spellbound by Die's new look. He looked... sexy. In a bad boy kind of way he hadn't had before. Realizing they looked like a drape and a straight, seeing as Kaoru was dressed like some goody-goody, he pushed his cardigan sleeves up to show his tattoos, so that they actually looked like they made a little more sense as a couple, and put a hand around to Die's sharp hip, hugging his skinny waist while they waited for a hostess to come and seat them. He leaned his head on Die's shoulder and said, in a voice that sounded like a woman with a sort of husky voice, rough, but not too deep, "You look really good." From the (now less stunned) smile still on his face, it was obvious the compliment was wholly genuine.

Die accepted the door-opening gratefully, moving up to the little podium and telling the hostess they needed a table for two. He smiled when Kaoru put his arms around him and complimented his hair. He smiled happily. "Thank you," he replied softly, "kind of... wanted a new look." The hostess took them toward their table and dropped them and their menus off.

Kaoru tilted his head, grinning, one curl falling over a dark eye. "I like it." He smoothed his skirt out under him and placed his thin hands on the table, looking over the menu. "How are you feeling?"

Die settled down in a chair and opened the menu, going over it and then pushing the 'two for twenty' piece of the menu toward Kaoru. "That?" he questioned, since it came with an appetizer and a dessert. After a few moments, he nodded a little. "I'm doing alright. You?"

Kaoru nodded emphatically. "I've been in a steak mood." He flipped his hair over his shoulders, his old mannerisms suddenly seeming so feminine, just with the change of outfit. "I'm okay. Portland was rainy and blah, and the interview was like pulling teeth," he wrinkled his nose, "but I can make something out of it."

He nodded. "Me too, meat sounds good after a few days of nothing but rice." He had a tendency to not eat well when work was bogging him down and he'd confined himself to single servings of rice, twice a day. He licked his lips a bit while Kaoru discussed Portland. He made a face. "Really? Sounds... icky." He sighed a bit. "Work was like terror. Stupid person who took my spot for the time I was off did a terrible job. He fucked over every contract I have and I have spent the past two days figuring out what the fuck I can give these people to make it all better." He ran one hand through his short red hair in a slightly frustrated gesture.

Kaoru frowned, concern flashing over his face, and he reached out and laid a hand over Die's wrist. "I'm sorry, baby... is there..." he licked his lips, knowing it was a silly question, "is there anything I can do?" He realized then that he'd never been shown any of Die's art by the man himself, just what few little bits of design he'd found on the internet when he'd once Googled Die's name.

Die shook his head. "To be honest, I'm not sure there's much I can do about it. The only good part is that the company knows it wasn't my fault the asshole screwed up. They said even if all the contracts bail, it'll be okay, I won't lose my job." He winced a bit and turned his hand to hold Kaoru's in his own. "Just a lot of stress is all."

Kaoru nodded, rubbing his thumb against the ball of Die s wrist, his lips pursed. "I can tell..." And he could. Three months felt like so much longer than that, he felt like he could read Die so easy these days, even though, "I feel, for some reason, like I'm seeing you for the first time right now." He smiled. "New look and all... it's good on you, it's really macho, but still your personality, kinda artsy."

Die smiled at him and squeezed his hand again. He was about to tell him thank you for it all, but then the waitress appeared and Die quietly gave her his order: steak, medium rare, potato with butter only, and the mozzarella sticks. He hoped Kaoru would be okay with that as the appetizer.

Kaoru asked for his steak extra rare with just steamed veggies as the side, his voice soft and womanly, also ordering a Bahama Mama. The waitress walked away and he huffed out a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad she didn't ask for my ID. As soon as I ordered booze, I remembered I have a mustache in the picture on my driver's license." He blushed and pulled his hand away, turning over the ashtray and pulling a cigarette from his bag, putting it between his lips while he tried to locate a lighter.

Die cracked a huge grin, snickering a bit and then shaking his head. "That would have been incredibly awkward, wouldn't it?" He pulled a face as he realized he hadn't ordered anything to drink. Oh well, the water she'd brought would do.

Kaoru gave up on his quest for a lighter and just lifted the cover off the little oil lap on the table and lit the Camel with that, replacing everything and taking a drag, smiling a little lopsided at his lover. "What are you doing Sunday? Some friends of mine are going out drinking, and I want them to meet you. It's about time, right?"

Die's eyes lit up at that. "Saturday night, I'm free. I'm working in the morning trying to repair all this stupid damage, but I get off at two. Would that work?" he asked, looking hopeful.

Kaoru nodded. "I can call around and see." The waitress put his drink in front of him and he smiled, plucking out a cherry and popping it in his mouth, then getting a mischievous gleam in his eyes and grabbing out the other, holding it out to Die between thumb and forefinger.

He smiled softly and nodded. "Sounds good." After a moment, that cherry was being held out to him and he smiled, opening his mouth and waiting on it to be popped into his mouth.

Kaoru grinned, placing the cherry in Die's mouth, the pad of one manicured finger swiping against his tongue and the nail clicking against the back of his teeth before he pulled back and blushed, hiding behind his cigarette, it seemed. Remembering the game they'd played some time ago, and without reminding Die of it, he simply picked it up again, cocking his head to the side and asking, "What's the meanest thing someone's ever said to you?"

Die accepted the cherry, trying hard not to moan from it. He chewed the fruit and swallowed, listening to Kaoru and then thinking about it. "Being told that I wasn't going to be accepted, that I'm a shame to the family and to get the hell out."

Kaoru frowned, rubbing Die's palm with the tips of his fingers. "My first day of high school when we came here, a senior walked right up to me, pushed me down on the ground, and told me to, 'Go home, Jap'. I hate that term. It pisses me off more than anything else, and I've been called everything--chink, gook, fag, queer, fairy, slant-eye, all of it. But Jap will make me want to taste blood, and when he told me that, all I wanted to do was scream." He sighed. "I didn't. Back then, I just ran away and cried. Now, I'd kick his teeth in."

Die winced and shook his head. He'd heard it, too, having lived part of his childhood in a bit of a backwoods kind of town. He sighed softly. "People can be assholes. I find that at least when we've all grown up the words are nicer until people are actually somewhat deserving of what they're being called."

Kaoru laughed. "Most people don't understand why I get so pissed, they call me Jap like it's just an abbreviation, but something about it feels so disrespectful." He shrugged, sipping his drink. "Your turn." He winked one long-lashed dark eye.

Die shook his head. "I can always tell when someone means it in a bad way and when they don't. If they don't, then I kind of explain to them that I don't like it and why." He shrugged a bit and then licked his lips a little. "What's your favorite flower?" 

Kaoru thought about it for a moment. "Calla lilies." He snubbed out his cigarette and rested his chin in his hand. "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?"

"Tokyo," he responded easily, not even hesitating with the response.

Kaoru cocked his head to the side, smiling. "Really?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I think it's gorgeous... and I love the music scene, so," he shrugged. "Kind of makes sense."

"I keep forgetting, you've never seen Japan, right?" The waitress brought them their basket of cheese sticks and he picked one up, dipping it in marinara sauce.

"Nope, not once," Die replied softly, "only in pictures." He, too, picked up one of the cheese sticks and took a bite out of it.

"I go back every year for a week or two. Our editor-in-chief is a softy, so she lets me do a yearly piece on kei and the Japanese Goth scene, just so I can go back home a little easier. The conditions of my work visa are pretty tight, so unless it's business related, it's kind of difficult for me to go home often." He lifted his drink and took a little sip. "They usually offer to send an assistant with me, but I always say no. Maybe next trip, I can bring you."

Die's eyes lit up. "You mean it? Like... really really?" He leaned across the table and grasped Kaoru's hand. "You'd be making a man's dream come true."

Kaoru bit his lip in a smile and stroked Die's fingers. "I can't make any promises, but if I can make it happen, of course I'd take you with me." He blushed. "Besides, what would I do for two weeks without you?"

He squeezed Kaoru's hand hard in his own and flushed happily as he stared down at the cheese sticks between them. "You're so awesome," he informed him.

Kaoru didn't know how to respond to that, turning pink and sucking down the rest of the sweet but deadly cocktail in a nervous gesture of awkwardness. Die patted his hand after a minute and then picked up another cheese stick to nibble on, silent himself as well. The waitress came back to inform them their food would be out momentarily and asked if they needed anything else, gesturing to Kaoru's drink and asking if he wanted another, calling him ma'am , and he nodded, emphatically.

Die quietly ordered a kiwi lemonade to go with the meal just as another server was bringing it from the kitchen to them, intent upon getting something more than water since it tasted like tap water and he actually found tap water quite disgusting in this city. He cut into his steak and smiled, it being perfect. "A1 as well, please," he asked.

Kaoru was quiet for another few minutes, getting through most of his second drink pretty quickly as well, the whole time making eyes at Die. After a while, he put down his silverware and grinned, cheeks flushed. "Is it weird that there's this one spot on your neck that always makes me want to kiss it?" He touched the aforementioned spot on his own neck, just left of the hollow, to indicate his meaning, then giggled and covered his mouth with one hand and picked up his fork with the other. "I'm sorry, I think I'm getting a little tipsy."

Die ate silently, sipping on his delectable drink once it was brought to him. When Kaoru spoke up, he looked up and arched an eyebrow at him before grinning and shaking his head. In Japanese, he murmured, "You can do all the kissing to it you want when I drive your ass home. No way you're driving yourself now."

Kaoru pouted cutely. "I'm not that drunk!" He then reached across the table and squeezed Die's wrist. "Your Japanese is getting really good."

"You don't drink and drive on my watch, Kaoru." One thing Die was adamant about, not wanting to lose his lover to that. "And thank you," he offered a smile to him.

Kaoru sort of rolled his eyes and finished his drink, fishing the cherries out and ordering one more, since he wasn't driving. He started back on his steak, muttering, "It's your turn, by the way."

"Why do you love me?" It kind of came out of nowhere, but there was a truly half-confused look in Die's eyes that gave the whole thing a huge reason for being.

Made-up eyes stared at Die, caught off-guard by the question, putting his fork down and his hands in his lap, pushing some curls back from his face. "Ah... wow." He licked his pink lips, thinking about it seriously. "Because you're an artist. Because you're so forgiving. Because when you're shy, you have this nervous smile and your eyes look down and you always look absolutely amazing, even when you've just woken up." He licked his pink lips. "Because you're everything and nothing I would have expected in someone I would want to spend the better part of my life with." It all sort of came out and by the time he'd said it, he realized how easily he'd offered up the reasons he loved Die, didn't want to know when their time together might finally close, hoped it was at least a fair amount of time in the future.

Die's eyes shone brightly as he deliberated the answers he'd been given. That, he could very well accept. He smiled and leaned over the table, cupping Kaoru's cheek in his hand before he lightly pressed his lips to the other man's and then settled back in his seat, making sure he hadn't decided to wear any of his meal in the process.

Kaoru shivered at the touch, and his eyes fluttered shut when Die s lips met his, sitting there blushing and staring at his lap, asking in a hushed voice a moment later, "Same question."

Die thought about it, his fingers on his straw, stirring the faintly green liquid around in his glass. "Hmm... because you care about me more than anyone ever has. You're behind me and support me all the way. You were willing to care for me and help me when no one else would."

Kaoru blushed even darker, taking his napkin out of his lap and setting it on the table, done with his meal. "I have to use the restroom," he uttered quietly, then cursed, whispering, "I have to go in the ladies room! ...Wish me luck!" Getting up, he walked off, concentrating on not stumbling, much more drunk on his feet than he had been while sitting, pushing open the door to the women's restroom and quickly going into the stall, sitting to pee so nothing would look suspicious, hurrying through washing his hands and getting back to the table, slipping back into the booth. "Well that was awkward."

Die watched him go, pondering on if he'd said the wrong things or not as he sat there, thinking it all over. He finished his meal and ordered them the molten chocolate cake for dessert, hoping Kaoru wouldn't object. It was excessive, but he kind of felt like they needed this extra time at the restaurant together. Die looked back up when Kaoru came back and he smirked a bit at him. "Have fun?"

"It was kind of mortifying," he admitted, lighting another cigarette, this time finding his lighter immediately, and reaching across the now cleared table for Die's hand. "There's a little park down the street, want to take a walk after we leave?"

Die watched and then laughed softly. "Hnn... we'll need it after the dessert I just ordered for us."

Kaoru giggled, eating the slice of pineapple on his third and final drink, eyes wandering the restaurant, suddenly bringing his gaze back to the table. "Oh lord. There's a table of drunk frat boys raping me with their eyes over there. Poor bastards."

Die snorted, glancing over at them. "I pity them if they hit on you."

Kaoru scoffed. "Why? Because I'm obviously here with my boyfriend, or because I have a dick?" He grabbed his phone and quickly stood, scooting into the other side of the booth beside Die, pulling up the camera. "I spent two and a half hours putting all this together, I at least want a picture."

"A little of A and a little of B," he replied softly. When Kaoru slipped onto his side of the booth, Die scooted over and then hooked his arm around his shoulder, leaning in for the photo, smiling sexily.

Kaoru smiled sweetly and leaned his head against Die's, taking the photo and turning his phone around to inspect the photo and giving a little nod, placing it down on the table and staying where he was, pressing into Die's side.

Die grinned. "You have to send me that," he murmured softly, rubbing at Kaoru's arm as the waitress placed the amazing dessert down between them with two spoons. Kaoru felt butterflies through his whole body at the simple gesture of Die rubbing his arm and picked up a spoon, taking a little bite of the cake. Die picked up his as well and dug in, grinning as he ate the overly sweet cake and ice cream. Kaoru couldn't eat very much, not a big fan of chocolate, and sat back against the booth, hand on Die's knee, a little grin on his lips.

Die finished off the ice cream and then got a box for the rest of the cake in a To Go container, putting out his card for the bill. Kaoru leaned to kiss his cheek. "Thank you for dinner, honey." Die smiled and nodded. "Of course, love." He rubbed against his arm again.

Kaoru drank a little of Die's water to get the lingering oversweet taste of chocolate out of his mouth. "Ready to go?"

He signed the receipt, adding a tip and then picking up their box as he nodded. "Yup."

Kaoru grabbed his clutch and waited for Die to slide out of the booth, standing by the table and tossing some curls out of his face, a calm sense of happiness coming over him. Die stood, smoothing his shirt and then clutching the box and reaching for Kaoru's free hand with his own. Kaoru laced their fingers together, hugging Die's arm against his side as they left the restaurant. "Did you still want to go on that walk?"

He nodded a bit. "Yeah, let me put this away." He moved to his car and placed the box inside before locking up and taking Kaoru's hand again. "Lead on."

Kaoru gave a nod and skipped a few steps, swinging their hands in between them. "So you mentioned the music scene in Tokyo. Have you ever heard of a guy by the name of Kyo Niimura?" It was obvious Kaoru was still a bit intoxicated. "I did an interview and photoshoot with him about two years ago."

Die blinked, of course he'd heard of the man. The radiant blonde was one to catch all kinds of attention even from the novice to the sceen. He licked his lips a bit. "Wow... you actually got to meet _the_ Kyo?"

Kaoru grinned evilly. "Practically spent the whole day with him. It was just he and I at a little art studio and we did the interview, and this was right after Bed Down came out, so I had this crazy, occultish bedroom set up and, ah, he decided he wanted to do the shoot nude, and we dumped tons of fake blood on the sheets with him." He laughed. "It would have looked stupid and dramatic with anyone else, but he made it... fantastic." A conspiratorial gleam came into Kaoru's eyes, not sure if Die would find the next implication enticing or something to illicit jealousy. "I, ah, I might have gotten a little more than an interview out of him that day."

Die's mouth fell open and he just stopped right there. "You fucked _THE_ Kyo?!" his voice sounded somehow incredulous, but at the same time in complete awe. 

Kaoru stopped as well, blushing. "Well, technically, _he_ fucked _me_."

Die held up one finger and then closed his eyes. Somewhere in his mind, He dug up the last image he'd seen of Kyo and then stripped him naked from the layers of clothing. He did the exact same to Kaoru and then deposited Kyo onto Kaoru. The resulting fuck made him actually groan out loud. He flushed hotly and then opened his eyes again. "Fuck, that's hot." Taking a deep breath, he moved forward again, his mind still on that whole situation. "How was it?"

Kaoru bit his lip, his face bright pink. "Amazing. Like, mind blowing. He's so fucking... intense, about everything, and that body, sweet lord." Kaoru leaned in and whispered, "And I promise, what he lacks in feet, he makes up in inches. Nine of 'em. Not exaggerating."

Die almost died on the spot. _Nine fucking inches of... oh god._ He shivered at the thought of having that up his ass and then cleared his throat. "I don't suppose he uh... still stays in contact with you?"

Kaoru wondered briefly if Die was asking him because he thought there might be something going on. "Not really. Every now and again, we'll email. I'm trying to get him to do another interview now that he's got the new album and everything, but he's on tour." He pulled Die off the sidewalk and started walking across the grass into the little park. "Why?"

He licked his lips a little. "Hnn... I was just thinking that it'd be fucking awesome to meet him... not that I expect any such favors or anything, but... you know." He shrugged. "Just a random thought."

A little shrug. "If I get the other interview, maybe." He stepped over to the swing set and sat down in one of them, rocking back and forth a little, pouting cutely. "You haven't said if you think I look good or not tonight."

Die nodded a bit and did the same, straddling the swing though. "Oh! Sorry, yeah, I do." He smiled softly at the other man. "I just kind of completely lost track of things somewhere I guess."

Kaoru shrugged, pushing the toes of his sandals into the sand. "So, not to be naughty, but I've been thinking. Just, you know, so we're always, ah, prepared, there's this... adult store a few blocks that way," he pointed across the park, "and I was wondering if you wanted to..." He looked at the ground, feeling shy to ask this, "if you wanted to keep a strap-on at my place."

Die blushed a bit and then nodded some. "Sure..." He didn't mind the concept, just that he had pretty much vowed to keep his hands to himself tonight and going to an adult store wasn't really indicative of him wanting to do that. But, he could exercise some self-control, he was sure. And one good thing about not physically being a guy was that if he was battling a serious case of the hornies, Kaoru would never need to know. He pushed the swing from side-to-side. "I've kind of been wanting to try the kind that has... um... something on each side."

Kaoru arched a brow. "Really? Then my mission is complete, you're addicted to penetration now?" He laughed and started swinging for real, pumping his legs back and forth, the skirt of his little sundress fluttering.

Die blushed. "It just feels so nice... I don't know why I wouldn't allow myself to before... you know?"

Kaoru stuck his heels down in the sand to stop, looking at Die. "I've always wondered what that would feel like. Can you describe it? I mean, compared to anal?"

Die thought about it. "It's easier to fit things there... stretches more... and you can feel it inside as more than just like... an ache. The entire thrust is felt, not just around the entrance... does that make sense?"

Kaoru nodded. "I think I'm jealous." He smiled and reached to hold onto the chain of Die's swing, pulling them closer. "...I love everything about you. You know that, right?" It had just sort of come over him, between the booze and just the way Die looked in the dim lighting with a little orange street lamp dappled across his face, he felt like the other needed to know that.

He blushed a bit and then smiled. "You mean so much to me," he murmured. His fingers slid over the other's cheek and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss against his lips. A moment later, he pulled back and gestured a bit off toward the side. "So... the shop?"

Kaoru closed his eyes and let out a little moan, putting his hand in Die's short hair, still getting used to it, blushing when the other pulled away, fixing the red hair where he'd pushed his fingers through it before standing, swaying a little. "Fuck, I'm tipsy. Makes me horny and sappy. I'm sorry I'm such a handful."

Die shook his head. "Nah... I don't mind it at all." He took his hand and started out of the park. "Which way?" he asked, not knowing this area all that well.

Kaoru tugged him along the sidewalk and then pulled open the door of a neon lit shop, a little bell dinging. Stripper heels and costumes hung around the little front room, along with gag gifts and condoms. He immediately walked to the back of the shop to the raised area for the clerks, where one had to hand over their ID to get into the back room. Kaoru dug his driver's license out and gave it to the skinny college guy working that night, not caring that he had a mustache and an M on it, considering where they were. The clerk held his hand out to Die for his ID as well, waiting for it to buzz them through the door.

Die dug out his ID handing it to the college kid, feeling rather ashamed that his still had a large F on it. But after a moment, he realized it didn't matter. Kaoru had the opposite problem right then, so... fuck it. He stood up straighter, eyes dark and determined.

The kid set their IDs on the counter and pressed a button, making the door buzz and Kaoru pushed it open, stepping through into the big back room, porn on one side, toys on the other. The clerk was playing some thrash band at top volume and burning incense, and it made Kaoru laugh a little bit, tucking his arm around Die s waist. "It's your cock, baby, I'm following your lead."

Die nodded a bit, heading into the room and right toward the strap-ons. It wasn't but a few minutes before he found the one he was looking for that came in a red leather strap, the main phallus red and sparkly and three attachments included: a butt plug, a slimmer cock, and a thicker one that was the same length as the main one. "Here it is," he murmured, smiling.

Kaoru smirked. "You weren't kidding when you said you like red." Die chuckled. "Well, I could get the pink one, but that seems a bit... girly." Kaoru took it and handed it to the kid at the counter, looking around a little bit while they were there. "Anything spark your interest?"

Die wandered around a bit more, finding a new bottle of lubricant and some anal cleansing cloths. They wandered apart for a while, Kaoru looking through the porn and then a little wearily eyeing the cock rings and vibrators, sneaking up behind Die when he was done browsing and pinching his ass.

Die gasped, looking back at Kaoru and then smiling at him. "What's up?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Just felt like messing with you. Ready to go?"

He nodded slightly. "Yeah, sure. Is there anything you want?"

Kaoru shook his head, going back through the door to the front of the shop and put a box of condoms on the counter along with his bank card, the clerk ringing them up with a bored expression. If he'd noticed their ID photos or listed sexes, he didn't seem to care.

Die grabbed a pack of AA batteries as well, needing them for the one vibrator he owned and figuring this was easier anyway. He waited with his purchases for Kaoru to be done before he pulled out his card and waited to pay for his large amount of stuff.

Kaoru grabbed the batteries from Die and rolled his eyes, making a loose gesture at the clerk. "All his stuff, too." The kid blinked, then nodded, obviously not cut out for third shift, and started ringing up Die's things as well.

Die gave Kaoru a look and then held out his hand for his card back. "It's expensive though, Kaoru... I mean... it's like over a hundred." He felt bad for that.

Kaoru waved it off. "You're worth it, baby."

He blushed and then fell silent, waiting on them to be checked out, their items going into black bags that were meant to be discreet, but only gave away where they had been shopping, something that always amused him. Kaoru grabbed the bags and IDs off the counter on the other side of the security detectors and pushed through the door, waiting on Die. "What now, hot stuff? Home?"

Die nodded. "Home it is," he murmured, taking his ID from Kaoru and putting it back in his wallet. "So I looked it up the other night... and if I can get my top-surgeon to write a letter stating I'm living full time as a male, I can get my license changed to reflect that." Die looked oddly happy at this prospect, something about the stupid laminated card lending him the feeling he was looking for.

Kaoru walked close to Die, looking up at him. "I was wondering about that... are you still legally female?" He grinned in a way that betrayed the lingering effects of alcohol. "We could actually get married, ha!" He giggled and looped his arm around Die's, leaning against him as they walked back towards his lover's car. "Silly straight people, never thinking about sneaky trannies fucking up all their family values bullshit justification." It made sense and was apparently funny in his head; he was still giggling like a little girl. A drunk little girl.

"Yeah, I am for now... until I get that piece of paper." Die tilted his head at the comment and he chuckled a bit, realizing it was probably just Kaoru being drunk that was causing that comment. When they got back to the car, Kaoru leaned against the door, smiling at Die for no apparent reason. The redhead opened the doors and slid in, moving the chocolate cake for him to sit down. He smiled softly. Kaoru reached across the car and stroked Die's thigh. "Tonight has been really nice."

He nodded. "It very much has. I'm glad we decided to do this." He smiled softly at him and then checked before backing out of the space and heading out onto the street.

Kaoru kept his hand on Die's leg, petting absently, coming off of his giggley drunkenness a bit, staring across the car at the little patch of skin above Die's collar bone and to the left of the hollow of his throat, that single spot on his lover that always seemed to beg to be kissed, though he certainly couldn't lean over and kiss at it while Die was driving, so he just sat staring.

Die was aware of his staring, but he didn't mind. Quietly, he drove toward Kaoru's home, wondering if he should just walk him to the door and kiss him goodnight or if he should chance staying and trust himself to not push for more than just kissing and cuddling.

Kaoru was wondering the same thing when they pulled up at his apartment. It seemed that Die had taken what he'd said maybe too much to heart, and Kaoru was trying hard not to take it personally, being used to a lot more affection from Die, which he didn't mind at all, but maybe for Die not to get worked up meant touching him as little as possible? Quietly, unsure of the answer, he asked, "Do you want to come up?"

He smiled and nodded, not wanting to turn down the invitation at all. It would make things uncomfortable in a way he couldn't solve with a simple bit of touching once he got home alone. He parked the car and cut the engine, leaving the cake in the car and getting out before coming around to open Kaoru's door for him. Kaoru blushed to be treated like a girl, leading Die up the stairs to his door, letting them in and bending down to take off the white leather sandals. 

Die made sure he had the packages, tossing the batteries into the seat of the car since he needed those at home. He followed Kaoru up, getting his own shoes off and then gesturing toward the bathroom. "Gonna take a piss, okay?" Kaoru nodded, going to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen. Die moved off to the bathroom, actually undoing his shirt and wiping cold water over the still-healing wounds of his chest. Sometimes they ached so bad still and something about cold water made them feel less like shit.

Kaoru waited for him in the living room, standing at the back of the couch, going through his mail absently, humming a little. Die finished up and then quickly used the bathroom as well, knowing otherwise he'd be lying and there was no point to that. He came out, buttoning his shirt, not even thinking about how it looked as he headed into the living room. Kaoru smiled, putting down his mail and grabbing Die by the front of his shirt, pressing close to him, staring at that spot on his neck and breathing a satisfied little sigh as he leaned in and gave it a loving, slow tongue kiss.

Die gasped, his hands pausing over a button as he closed his eyes and allowed Kaoru to kiss him there. His body's initial response was arousal, pure and simple. But he just swallowed thickly and waited on it, smiling softly. God... that felt so nice. His fingers finished buttoning his shirt so that only the top two remained open. Kaoru's hands went to Die's shoulders, one going up to run through the short hair, kissing that spot as passionately as he would Die's mouth, pressing his body flush against the other man's. At length, he pulled away and pushed his face against Die's throat. "Your skin tastes so good."

Die groaned softly and then blushed a bit. "Thank you..." he murmured softly, feeling pleased that he could make Kaoru happy with just that. He ran a hand through his hair. "Have any bottled water?" he asked. Kaoru nodded and reluctantly pulled away, going into the kitchen and getting a cold bottle from the fridge, coming back and handing it to Die.

Die smiled, accepting the bottle and opening it, taking a few swallows before he took Kaoru's hand and moved them to the couch, settling down and tugging Kaoru toward him.

Kaoru settled down beside him, tucking his legs beneath him and smoothing the skirt of his dress over his thighs, playing shy, hating that Die was being good about not going straight in for sex for once and all Kaoru wanted to do was put his hands all over that slender body.

Die pulled Kaoru closer to him and then just settled there. He licked his lips a bit and just gently ran his thumb over Kaoru's arm. Kaoru shivered and laid against Die, fitting around him, his hands stroking the other's sides, hawkish nose nuzzling into Die's shoulder. Die held him close and sat there, sipping his bottled water with a contented sound. "It still hurts sometimes," he admitted. Kaoru jerked back immediately, having been putting pressure against Die's chest, looking up at him apologetically, fingers coming up to brush the other's smooth sloped cheek.

His arm tightened around Kaoru, pulling him back with a slightly grumpy expression. "It's fine... it's like... an ache inside. Outside is more... stinging, and pressure doesn't do anything to it, to be honest."

Kaoru pouted, slowly coming back against Die's chest. "I don't want to hurt you," he muttered softly.

"You're not hurting me," he retorted, patting Kaoru down close to him.

Kaoru gave a little nod, running his hands up and down Die's arms, leaning up and hovering his face just a few inches from his lover's, staring into his eyes. He wanted to say something, he was certain of it, but no words came to mind. Die finished off his water and settled the bottle down on the table next to the couch. He looked up into Kaoru's eyes, studying him and tilting his head a little.

Kaoru pursed his lips. "You don't really want to touch me like this, do you?" He gestured down to his dress, feeling a little silly all of a sudden.

Die blinked. "What?" he looked utterly and entirely confused now, a clear crease between his eyebrows.

Kaoru sat back, hands pressed in his lap, staring at them, knowing most of this was the alcohol and wishing he'd just shut up or just go ahead and dive on Die. "Nothing..."

Die gave him an even more confused look before pulling him closer. "I don't know what you mean, Kaoru... please?" Mentally, he begged for the other to help him out here.

Kaoru shook his head again and hid his face in Die's shoulder. "It's stupid, I shouldn't have said anything."

Die sighed softly and then bit his lip a little harshly. "Please tell me. Nothing that is worried over is stupid, only a worry to be founded or dismissed."

Kaoru frowned. "I just... I mean, I know I commented about how quick you are with sex, but... you're usually so affectionate and tonight you've only kissed me twice. It's kind of freaking me out."

Die blinked. "Oh...." He frowned a bit and then shook his head. "Don't freak out, baby... I just..." he sighed, "I guess I don't quite know where the line is. I've been trying really hard to not push for anything today. But I didn't think I was holding back enough for you to be upset." He tilted his head a bit. "Where is my line, Kaoru?"

Another frown. "It's not so much a line as a speed limit, baby. You're always so quick to go from kissing to fucking to cumming, that's what bothered me, because I kind of felt like a living fuck doll. But... baby, there's no line, you have all of me, you know that, I'd have no qualms letting you take me tonight, I just want you to go slow. Please?"

Die shifted a little, trying to wrap his mind around it all. "So... I just go too fast?" He tilted his head a little. It would have been a little bit simpler if Kaoru had just told him that with the speed limit metaphor to start with. He blushed a bit. "I... I guess I just don't realize because I don't have much to go off of, you know?"

Kaoru just nodded, sitting there feeling embarrassed. He wished he'd shut up while he was ahead, he seemed to always push people away when he started talking about his problems or making requests.

Die held onto him and nuzzled against his neck a little. "Does it mean something that I'm sorry?" he asked softly.

Kaoru arched into Die, groaning. "You shouldn't be sorry."

"Tough... because I am." He moved to frame Kaoru's face in his hands and then gently leaned in to kiss him.

Kaoru opened his mouth to him, kissing him back with a slow passion, working his way around Die's body, clinging to him like some little octopus.

He couldn't help but kind of whimper into the kiss and how much of an incredible kiss it truly was. He shivered a bit and kissed back.

Kaoru shifted up on his knees and crawled closer to Die, hands in his hair, effectively mussing the meticulous spikes, his tongue playing gently along Die's bottom lip. After a moment, he pulled back, fingers still sliding through the deep red hair. "I want you in my bed. I want to kiss you all over. Pretty please?"

Die whimpered at the way that Kaoru messed up his hair. It actually aroused him a lot, the feeling of each little hair shifting. He arched up from the couch into the touch, unable to help it. Torture... serious torture. Die blushed hard and then nodded a bit. "Y-yeah," he murmured.

Kaoru nodded, standing and grabbing both of Die's hands, pulling him up from the couch and walking backwards towards his bedroom, tugging Die along, kissing at his jaw. Die followed with him, stumbling and biting his lip a little. Some part of him still wanted to prove that he could do without sex. But another part was so turned on it hurt.

Kaoru pulled Die down on the bed and pushed him onto his back, climbing on top of him and unbuttoning his shirt, sliding it off him, kissing carefully across his chest and down one arm, circling the ball of his wrist with his tongue. The kisses weren't frenzied, just slow, appreciating the smooth, silken expanse of his lover's skin as he worked his way back up Die's arm, nipping at the inside of his elbow.

Die allowed Kaoru to move him, his body on fire as he just felt everything that the other was doing to him. He found one of Kaoru's hands and then pushed it up to his hair. "Please," he murmured softly.

Kaoru chuckled from the back of his throat, rubbing his hand through Die's hair, the other grabbing his lover's other wrist and pulling it to his mouth, bestowing the sensual treatment up that arm, as well, obviously thoroughly enjoying the task, his eyes closed, completely enraptured just to cover Die in kisses.

Die whimpered a bit more and then swallowed hard. "Kaoru?" he murmured.

"Hmm?" Kaoru asked, making little sucking sounds as he kissed his way up the line of Die's bicep.

"I can't help but want you," he murmured, closing his eyes.

Kaoru frowned, sitting up, stroking Die's neck firmly with one hand, the other toying along his ribs. "I never asked you not to, baby. I'm not doing this to tease you. I like touching you, I like foreplay. ...Do you want me to stop?"

He swallowed and moved his head to look toward Kaoru. He shook his head. "No... don't want you to stop," he murmured, arching a little toward him.

"Good," he smiled softly, "I don't want to stop." He slinked down and continued to touch and kiss over Die's shoulders, then down his torso, carefully pulling him out of his jeans, giving the same treatment down his legs, and finally back up to his mouth, rubbing one earlobe between thumb and forefinger as he kissed Die slow and deep, wriggling his tongue into the other's mouth. Die whimpered softly, squirming under him and biting his lip. He shifted to allow Kaoru to pull his pants off. Once he came back up to his mouth, he moaned softly, kissing him back, hands coming to rest on Kaoru's hips.

Kaoru pulled back, a smile pressed against Die's mouth, then sat up a bit. "Do, um," he shoved some curls behind his ear, "do you want to undress me?" Die smiled and then slowly rolled him over, reaching for the cardigan first. 

Kaoru let himself be laid back against the pillows, shifting to let Die take off the little sweater, the well-fit dress beneath needing to be unzipped at the back and pulled down his legs.

He gently nudged Kaoru to his side and then started pulling the zipper down on his dress, tilting his head a little and then laughing softly. "I feel like a stupid teenage boy who has no idea what the hell he's doing with his girlfriend."

Kaoru laughed, kissing Die again. "That's good, I think? I feel a little innocent, myself. I could just kiss you all night..." He arched towards Die, giving a little purr.

Die took that under consideration, thankful that at least the strap-on was in the front and not in here. He licked his lips a bit and shivered as he pulled the dress down Kaoru's arms and then off.

Kaoru put his arms across his stomach, blushing, looking down at his chest, taped to for cleavage and stuffed inside the bra, though it looked like small breasts under the white lace and nothing more. "Were the boobs a little much?"

Die smiled and shook his head. "I like the outfit," he murmured, fingering the lace panties and the bra. Remembering Kaoru's want for foreplay, he stopped removing clothing there, leaning up to kiss at his taped up 'cleavage' and then higher, realizing that wasn't really conducive to foreplay. Right... foreplay... avoid all highly sexually oriented areas. He had to remind himself of that. His lips settled on a shoulder, his hands on the bed.

Kaoru giggled happily when Die kissed at his chest, putting his hands in his hair. He leaned his head and offered up his smooth shoulder willingly, however, hands still running through the short red strands. "Mm... they're not real, baby, they aren't sensitive like yours were, you can play with them if you want." He leaned his head and bit the top of Die's ear playfully. "It's kinda cute."

Die paused to bite his lip, debating and then rubbing against him a little bit with his cheek. He licked at the skin a little on his shoulder and then lower on his arm. Kaoru gave a short whine and stretched his whole body, sighing, pulling Die closer to him. He kissed down his arm to his elbow, attacking that skin, his eyes dark with arousal.

Kaoru laid and watched Die, flexing his fingers and panting slightly at the sensitive flesh be tortured by his lover's flickering tongue, whispering out his name. Die continued to move around the innocuous parts of Kaoru's body, kissing and licking. Kaoru wiggled around under him, body flooding with endorphins, feeling warm and safe, his cock half-hard under the virginal lace, slender legs coming up to rub against Die's sides as the other kissed his stomach.

Die damn near stopped breathing for a minute in an attempt to keep in the growl that wanted to bubble out over how much Kaoru was turning him on. After a moment, he breathed out against his skin and then continued on with the kissing, over his belly, down his hip, and then to his thighs. Kaoru shivered. His thighs were incredibly sensitive, strangely having become more so after having the left one tattooed. He panted a few times, looking down at Die with an odd smile pulled across his lips.

Die continued, down that leg, skipping the foot because he just wasn't a foot man, and then going back up the other leg. Kaoru moaned quietly, sliding his foot over Die's shoulder and down his back as the other kissed up his leg, his pink painted toes curling, hard by the time Die had made it back to his hip, eyes unable to leave his lover.

Die again traveled over his hip and then over his side and then back up to his shoulder. When Die was stretched over him, Kaoru grabbed him across the back, pulling him close and kissing at his ear, undulating against him slowly, his breath quickening. One hand slid down Die's back and into his boxer briefs, squeezing his tiny behind.

Die let out a little whimper, shivering slightly before he just tucked his head against his neck, closing his eyes tightly. Kaoru kept fondling him, slowly sucking a dark circle on the other's neck, one he couldn't hide with hair anymore. There wasn't any hurry to his actions, however, despite the fact he was obviously aroused. He was just enjoying the moment.

Die shifted a bit over Kaoru, his own arousal less evident, but still very much there. After a few more moments, he just shifted and tried to lean up to kiss him. Kaoru fell into the kiss more than willingly, moaning, unable to get enough of Die's skin against his own. The redhead squirmed, whimpering a bit and biting at Kaoru's lower lip with something that resembled savagery. Kaoru yelped a little and pulled back, sensing Die's sexual frustration might be edging towards real frustration, and he wasn't aiming to push the other into any forced affections; sure, he wanted love making, but he wasn't going to ask for it. That was something that happened when it was ready. He pulled back slightly and looked up at Die, brow creased. "Baby? ...Should we stop?"

When Kaoru yelped and yanked back, Die gasped, shifting back and looking relatively like a scolded child. Kaoru's question almost made him want to sob. Swallowing, he rubbed his hair a little and then looked rather ashamed. Brown eyes slid closed and he sighed softly. After a moment, he moved to the edge of the bed and rubbed at his face. "I... just... give me a minute... please?" Maybe... just maybe, he could calm down.

Kaoru rolled over on his side and stared at Die's back. "I'm sorry... " 

Die shook his head at the apology. "No, I am," he murmured softly. 

Kaoru thought back on conversations they'd had and suddenly it all became rather obvious why Die seemed geared towards less intimate sex. "You've never really been in a relationship... have you?"

After a few moments when Kaoru spoke again, Die turned his head to look back at him and he shook his head. "Not until now... why?"

Kaoru shook his head, keeping his assumptions to himself for now, reaching out and brushing his hand down Die's back. "You've got to work tomorrow, sorry for keeping you out so late."

Die blinked a little. His mind snapped immediately to the fact that he was obviously being kind of asked to leave. Swallowing his emotions, he nodded a little and tried to pretend he was actually leaving willingly. He licked his lips a bit and then moved to pick up his clothing, starting to put it back on, shutting his emotions up inside.

Kaoru sat up, the voice in his head telling him he was a nitwit, realizing how Die had taken the comment. He drew the sheets around him, feeling silly now to be wearing women's underwear. "I--you don't have to go, you know you're welcome to stay, I was just--I mean..." He shut up, deciding not to dig his hole any deeper.

Die peered back at him, his eyes kind of shuttered from their usual emotional depth. He studied Kaoru for a moment and all he could see was his own failure at giving Kaoru what he'd wanted. He just didn't know how long foreplay was supposed to go on. He'd figured it had been long enough, but... perhaps not. He offered a half-smile. "I don't want to just intrude on you, Kaoru."

Something about the words cut into him and he shrank away slightly. "W-what?" He blinked at Die for a while, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft. "Die, I want you here..."

He watched Kaoru's reaction and immediately regretted just not automatically agreeing like he usually would have. He closed his eyes for a moment and then sighed softly, standing and pulling on his jeans before shifting to slip closer to Kaoru. He studied him and then murmured, "You really won't mind?"

Kaoru drew his knees up to his chest, hugging them. "If you stay? Of course not."

He leaned in a little closer and gently kissed Kaoru's cheek. "Then I'll stay." He offered a soft smile. "But I should really shower real fast. Is that okay?" He had to get away somehow... go somewhere he could escape into his emotions for a few minutes and allow himself to wallow in just how much he sucked at all of this.

Kaoru bit his lip, nodding, already reaching back to unhook the bra. He stood up, erection completely dead, and made a loose gesture towards the bathroom as he took the bra off and put the silicon inserts in a drawer, peeling the tape off his skin and rubbing at it to make the red welts go away, digging through his dresser for a shirt to sleep in.

Die bit his lip a little and then got back up once Kaoru was wandering around. He moved to the bathroom and paused at the door, murmuring a soft, "I'm so sorry," before disappearing into the room and closing and locking the door behind him. Almost immediately, he turned on the shower and then sat down on the side of the tub, burying his face in his hands and allowing the stupid girly tears to come out.

"Fuck..." Kaoru sank down on the bed and took off the panties, throwing them across the room, yanking on a pair of boxers and a baggy Dead Kennedys shirt, brushing the curls out of his hair and pulling the resulting mess up into a sloppy bun, going back into the main room of the apartment to start his nightly rituals of cleaning up and turning off lights, making sure everything was locked.

Die finally started to calm down after a few minutes and then sighed softly, standing up and stripping, carefully getting in the shower and ignoring that his chest still shouldn't be open to the water. He didn't care right then. Slipping into the shower, he set about using Kaoru's soap to wash off, his mind reeling and his emotions still getting the better of him.

Kaoru stood at his bathroom door for a good five minutes, listening to the water run, wondering why in the hell he always said the wrong thing, always wanted to navigate relationships and push them to their bounds. He wondered if he should just step back and let Die lead for a while, or if doing so would make the other think he'd lost interest. Sighing, he went to the bed, curling up under the covers and reading by the light of his bedside lamp, desperately trying to ignore the sudden onset of a craving he hadn't felt with quite that much intensity in many months.

Eventually, Die got out of the shower, quietly going about finger-brushing his teeth and finger-combing his hair before he wrapped his towel around him and came out. His eyes were red, though he didn't know it, giving away his emotional moments. He moved to the bedroom and stood there awkwardly for a moment before clearing his throat and murmuring, "May I borrow a pair of underwear?" He'd crawl in bed naked, but despite the tension, he was still worked up from earlier and didn't trust himself naked.

Kaoru got out of bed and got Die a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, handing him to him, his hands shaking slightly. He realized from the other's red-rimmed eyes that he'd been crying and the craving raged double, making him wince, finding nothing worthy to say and going back under the covers.

Die accepted both items, carefully pulling them on and then taking the towel back to the bathroom. He came back out and stood awkwardly for a moment before sliding in and shifting carefully closer to Kaoru. "Can we talk?"

Kaoru pursed his lips, sitting up against the headboard and hugging a pillow, nodding.

Die again shifted to be closer to him. This time, he reached out and pulled him into his arms and held him there. "Look... I know I suck at all of this and I'm sorry for that. But... I'm going to try. I'll do some research on what foreplay is supposed to be like and all of that. I'll make it better... okay?"

Kaoru sighed, pushing his fingers through Die's damp hair and giving him a sad smile. "You do make me happy. And I do love you." He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "Don't listen to anything I complain about, like I said, I just have this psycho instinct to control shit, and I need to just shut the fuck up and let this take its course how it wants." Die pulled his dark-haired lover closer to him and pushed his nose into Kaoru's hair, staying there silently. He pressed himself to Die, humming. "I'm serious, though. At least for a little while, I'm following your lead."

Die nodded a bit. "I'll... try to be a good leader?" He hoped that was possible.

Kaoru chuckled softly and scooted to lie down, snuggling into the sheets. "I'm sure you'll do fine." He reached out his arms and made grabby hands at Die. "Sleep?"

Die shuffled down with him and tucked his head against Kaoru's neck. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes. "Kao... what do you want from me?" He meant it like how Kaoru had asked before.

Kaoru sighed, turning off the lamp and fitting around Die. "I just want to be with you, baby."

He nodded a little and nuzzled into him real well, eyes closing. "Okay."

Kaoru got comfortable, kissing Die's hair. "Goodnight, darling."

"Night," he murmured softly, draping himself over Kaoru regardless of prior conviction not to do anything like that.


	17. Chapter 16

Kaoru was good, restraining himself from texting or calling Die uninitiated, not trying to make plans with him or anything, waiting for Die to decide when and what he wanted them to do together. At first it was hell. Planning and coordinating was part of Kaoru's personality, but after a while, he chilled out, his anxiety turning to excitement, wondering what kind of things they might do under Die's direction.

Die, on the other hand, had been mostly restless, honestly aching for company. Though, he supposed, at least, that the pain wasn't in his chest anymore, but this ache wasn't really welcomed either. He'd gone by his brother's house earlier in the day and the younger man had been somewhat horrified to see that Die's breasts were gone. It shouldn't have been all that obvious except that Die was wearing a tank top with nothing underneath at all. Some of the comments had been harsh, despite the fact that Die knew they were only spoken out of shock. What was supposed to be dinner between brothers had turned into cold pizza and six empty beers on his coffee table.

Popping open the seventh bottle, Die finally picked up his phone, dialing Kaoru's number and waiting.

Kaoru was curled up in bed, reading, surprised when he heard his phone go off and that it was Die. Marking his page, he answered. "Hey sexy."

One would have thought that the words would have brought at least a smile to Die's face. But instead, he just swallowed back the tears that threatened and he slurred into the phone. "Want you to come here... please?"

Kaoru sat up straighter, immediately sensing something was wrong. "Sure, baby, I can be there in about twenty minutes. Do you need anything, is something wrong?"

He sat there in silence almost long enough to cause worry about the phone call having dropped before he murmured, "Yeah... talk about it here... bring more beer." He hung up the phone then, not wanting to talk about it more without Kaoru being there with him. He leaned back and closed his eyes, phone dropping to the couch cushion beside him.

Kaoru got dressed quickly and stopped by the Japanese grocer to get a case of Sapporo, knocking on Die's door with it about fifteen minutes after he'd left the store.

Die somehow managed to pull his ass up from the couch, stumbling to the door and then having to lean against it for a minute to let the dizziness subside before he unlocked it and opened the door. It was incredibly obvious he was drunk already, his body reeking of booze and his eyes glassy and unfocused. Wordlessly, he stepped back and allowed Kaoru in.

Kaoru cocked a brow at him and stepped in, slipping out of his shoes and putting the case of beer on the table. "Baby... is there any particular reason you're plastered at four in the afternoon?"

Die moved back to the couch after shutting the door and collapsed down on it. A slight tremor went through his body and he looked about to crumple into tears. "I... he... today..." the tears started down his cheeks, huge tears of complete emotional agony, "he hates me!"

The other man's spine went ramrod straight and he dove onto the couch, gathering Die up in his arms. "Oh, koibito! What happened?"

The redhead buried his face in Kaoru's shoulder, clinging to him as he completely lost it. Everything he said came out in a high-pitched _very_ feminine manner, all of his training to keep himself sounding masculine going right out the window in the face of this last blow to his emotional stability. "M-My brother," he all but wailed, "he s-saw me a-and..." he trailed off, sobbing harshly.

Kaoru shushed his lover, oddly loving his female voice, kissing his hair. "Oh, baby..."

Die hiccupped and sobbed into Kaoru's shoulder for a good five minutes before he just sat there, curled in his arms, shaking like a leaf.

Kaoru squeezed him, rocking him back and forth. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Tell me what happened?"

Die managed to get his voice to work after a few broken tries and then murmured almost too quietly to hear, "He saw me... in this," he plucked at his tank top a little, "and he made these r-really rude comments... told me he didn't think I was actually going to go through with more than the hormones... that I'd give up."

Kaoru squeezed him, shutting his eyes. "He obviously missed how headstrong you are."

Die finally looked up at Kaoru, the pain so very obvious in his eyes. With a choked sob, he whispered, "You're everything I have left. Don't... don't leave me."

Kaoru's heart clenched. "Honey, I'm not going anywhere."

He let out another sound and then buried his face back against Kaoru's shoulder for a few minutes. He started to feel queasy, the lack of eating any of the pizza plus seven beers really didn't do anything to help his stomach acid content. Pulling back, he got up and clumsily stumbled toward the bathroom, holding his stomach.

"Oh shit," Kaoru whispered, following Die towards the bathroom.

Die made it to the bathroom and sank down in front of the toilet, his arms on the sides of the seat as he sat there, tasting the acid in his mouth. But nothing was really coming up, not even the acid, he just felt disgusting and nauseous. He swallowed hard and then rather suddenly started crying again, much to his own horror.

Kaoru curried his fingers through Die's short hair, rubbing his back. "Oh sweetheart... I'm so, so sorry."

He didn't move from the toilet, afraid he'd end up puking if he did. Instead, he just let his tears drip into the water in the bowl while he choked out sob after sob. He didn't want to be so damn upset, but honestly, his brother was the last person he had in his family and it had meant so much to him that he'd had at least his superficial support... and now he didn't have even that. "I w-wanted t-to punch h-him," he sobbed out, feeling incredibly hurt.

Kaoru fit himself against Die's back, hugging him. "You probably should have."

He nodded, sniffling and then finally pushing away from the toilet and leaning his head on Kaoru's shoulder again. "Punch him for me?"

Kaoru laughed, leaning his head on Die's shoulder. "I start enough fights; I don't need to be picking one with your brother."

Die screwed up his nose and then sighed softly. "Take me to him now and I'll do it... I'm fucking drunk enough to fucking do it."

"I'm not taking you anywhere except to the couch for me to catch up with you with the beer I brought and then to bed. What do you really want?" Kaoru hugged Die's waist.

Die stared at him for a minute and then sighed and nodded. Eventually he decided that that would work. "Maybe I should actually eat," he mumbled.

That would be good. Kaoru pulled Die to his feet and to the kitchen, cracking open a Sapporo and handing Die a piece of the pizza from the table.

Die settled down and then accepted the piece of cheese pizza, slowly starting to nibble on it, entirely quiet.

Kaoru chugged the first beer and then opened another. "Why do I feel like this is well on its way to drunk fucking? Not that I mind. Just so long as I can still get it up."

Die mumbled around his mouth full of pizza, "You'll have to do the fucking... I don't think I could manage right now to be honest."

Kaoru laughed, halfway through the second beer. "I didn't think so. You know I want a piece of that pussy if we're heading down that road, right? I want to cum in you."

Die blushed and then just nodded as he leaned back, still nibbling on the pizza. "Figured," he mumbled before making a face. "Water?"

"How'd you figure that?" he asked, and then to the second question, "For you or for me? I'm fine."

"Because," he held up one finger, "I'm smart." After a brief giggle-fit, he managed to hack up a small bit of crust and then look grossed out. After a moment, he then replied, "Me!"

Kaoru got up and got Die a bottle of water. He brought it back, finishing his beer and getting yet another. "If I chug this one I should be pretty buzzed. Can we actually fuck in the bed for once? The couch has had enough, I think."

Die accepted the water, downing the rest of the pizza and then sipping at the water. "Then we can just... pass the fuck out afterward."

Kaoru laughed. "Sure, baby." He smiled and sank down on the couch, kissing Die's ear. "I really am sorry about your brother." He moved down Die's neck. "If it's any consolation, my parents practically adopted Seung. We can share my family."

Die reached to kind of cling to Kaoru with one arm, the other hand still holding his bottle of water that he was nursing, knowing he needed it or he'd end up barfing mid-coitus and that would suck all kinds of shit. He nodded a little. "Think Seung wasn't to be shared?" he slurred.

Kaoru pulled back to finish his beer, the carbonation making it go straight to his head. "I haven't got the slightest clue what you were trying to convey just now," he admitted, putting the bottle down and diving back in to nip at Die's neck.

"You said share your family," he murmured, looking rather lost himself now. After a moment though, he hiccupped and then drank more water.

"Yeah, yeah, exactly," he said, picking up Die around the waist when he finished his water and carried him to the bedroom. "You're so skinny, I love that I can pick you up."

Die gasped as he was picked up, the plastic bottle falling from his hands to the floor as he clung to Kaoru with wide eyes. No one had ever picked him up in his adult life and it was somewhat of an adventure for it to happen now. 

Kaoru kissed him hotly and laid him on the bed, laying over him, already half hard. "Is it mildly fucked up that even if you were a woman, I probably would have still fallen in love with you? We'd make cute babies." He giggled and started to take Die's shirt off.

Die flushed a bit and allowed Kaoru to do with him whatever he wanted. "But you wouldn't have come back... I would have been lying."

"I mean like if I'd met you and you were all girl. I would probably have still fallen for you." He worked on getting Die out of the rest of his clothes, acting drunker than he was, kissing his way across Die's body.

Die whimpered slightly, parting his legs a bit and then struggling to get closer. "Please..." he whispered, not really knowing what he was exactly begging for.

Kaoru growled, undressing himself, purring out in Japanese, "Please what? Say it, baby."

Die just whimpered in response, brain not functioning enough to honestly figure it out. Kaoru snuck a finger into Die carefully, a moan rumbling in the back of his throat. "Tell me what you want, baby."

"You," he replied, having no other answer other than that.

Kaoru chuckled darkly, finally getting all his clothes off, stroking himself. "Mm, yes, sir."

Die blushed faintly, parting his thighs and waiting on Kaoru, knowing the other might be surprised to find him already sopping wet.

Kaoru braced himself up on one hand, the other trailing teasingly along his lover's thighs, leaning down and darting his tongue out playfully, swiping the tip of it across the other's full lips.

Die groaned softly, his eyes closing as he arched up toward Kaoru's touches, his thighs practically quivering with anticipation.

Kaoru dipped his tongue briefly into Die's mouth, fingers trailing down and feeling triumphantly that his lover was more than ready. As such, he gripped himself at the base and rubbed his head across Die's slick cunt, moaning at the feel of it, teasing his now slickened cock around Die's before dragging his head back down and, without warning, sinking into his lover.

The moment Kaoru touched him, Die cried out, his body arching up toward the other. He was more than ready for this, for someone to be close to him and prove to him that they wanted him. Today hadn't been an easy day and he desperately needed what Kaoru was providing him. His hands came up to grasp Kaoru's shoulders, holding onto him tight.

The other man grunted, eyes rolling back in his head, the first sensation of that tight, burning hot, velvety texture swallowing him always giving him pause. After a moment, he leaned down again, kissing Die gently, giving a firm roll of his hips.

Die cried out, his legs coming up to wrap around Kaoru's waist, hips shifting to move Kaoru around inside his pussy. It all felt so amazingly good. His head fell back and he moaned loudly, his pleasure obvious.

Kaoru slid his fingers through the now short strands of dark red hair, still not used to it, the cut making even that much more of a disconnect between the man he was kissing and the vagina his dick was currently in. It was a juxtaposed quirk he had come to love. When Die squeezed and thrust up around him, he growled, wrapping his arms around his lover and starting to pound into him, snarling a stream of dirty talk and compliments of how good Die felt in his native tongue into Die's ear.

Somehow having everything dirty he could imagine being whispered into his ear turned him on even more than he'd thought possible. Die whimpered and bucked under his lover, the booze making his head swim and his brain have to grasp for the appropriate replies in Japanese. After a moment though, he cried out, "Kimochi ii~!" hoping that Kaoru wouldn't mind too much.

Kaoru moaned loudly. With every other love, save for the one infamous fling with Kyo, he'd heard nothing but English. Something about hearing his own language whined out like that pumped raw lust into his veins. He suckled at Die's earlobe and panted, his hips snapping with wet, sharp sounds into the other. In all the haste, he overestimated himself and slipped out, stopping for a moment and staring down at Die with an evil glint in his dark, dark eyes. "Put it back in."

Die whimpered loudly when Kaoru slipped out, his body twisting under him, wanting more than it had gotten. His nails dug into skin and his face contorted into something rather pouty in expression. After the words were spoken, he blushed, pulling one of his hands away from Kaoru's bicep and then snaking it down between them. He grasped Kaoru's dick and brought it back to position it against his slippery lips, arching to let him know it was okay to thrust in now.

Kaoru gave a long, low moan, sinking all the way in and staying there, leaning his weight into it, whispering out another command to his lover, "Squeeze."

Immediately, Die obeyed the command, clamping his muscles around his lover, the feelings multiplying with the friction and his closer walls.

"Unh!" The sound was simple, but eloquent as Kaoru lifted one of Die's legs and fit his shoulder into the back of the other man's knee, his eyes hooded, a dusky blush painted across his high cheeks, his hair falling into his face. Biting his lip, he started to move, solid, hard thrusts like before at a rigorous pace.

Die's head fell back, one hand coming up and grasping at his short red hair hard while he damn near wailed out his approval of what was going on between them. "Your cock feels... so _fucking_ good inside me!" He cried out, hips arching hard toward him.

The words fueled Kaoru on, his hand finding one of Die's wrists and working his fingers in between his lover's, pinning the hand down to the bed, leaning to kiss and effectively stretching him out, leg braced against his chest. "Baby," he breathed out hotly across Die's mouth, "you feel amazing."

Die pushed up further, whimpering softly. "Wanna cum," he whispered, his pussy already throbbing, the sensation of Kaoru's cock in him making him feel amazing.

Kaoru pressed them closer together to lend some friction against Die's engorged dick, but only a little. "Do you want me to cum with you, or do you wanna keep going?"

"Y-you choose," he murmured, shivering under Kaoru at the friction. He squeezed tightly on Kaoru's hand, panting and arching harshly before he let out an obnoxiously loud moan.

Kaoru gave a nod and sat up, taking back his hand to reach under Die's thighs and back around, getting a good grip on him and leaning back slightly, trying to angle himself upwards, wanting to strike his lover's G-spot dead-on. He'd done rather ridiculously extensive research to know anything about it. "I wanna try to make you squirt," he announced a little timidly, but it was the closest to getting jizzed on he could get with Die. "I'll cum with you."

Die didn't have enough brain function to find this in any way odd or ridiculous. Instead, he was just moaning and arching toward him, shivering while Kaoru struck exactly what he was aiming for over and over. His thighs clenched and his hand in his hair ripped hard at it while he wailed with pleasure. After a few minutes of this, he started to cum, rather large quantities of clear fluid gushing out over Kaoru's cock as he screamed out his pleasure.

Kaoru watched Die cum between them, soaking his thighs, victory welling up in his belly along with his orgasm as he felt his lover's sweet passage clamp around him. Still aiming at that single spot, wanting to prolong Die's orgasm as much as possible, he let go and quickly found his end, hips stuttering as he came, hard, giving Die a rather generous offering of his own, sinking slowly down against his lover as his cock twitched a last few times, his whole body trembling as though taken with fever, like he did when he came particularly hard. He did not remove himself from Die, opting to stay inside him a while longer.

Die panted under him, shivering softly while he clutched at him and and lay there happily. That had been a damn good orgasm... good enough to take his mind away from everything else from the day.

Kaoru stayed there, hunched over Die, still shivering, his hands shaking the most, eyes closed, forehead pressed to his lover's chest, still recovering. Slowly, one hand left Die's thigh and came up to caress Die's shoulder, the simple gesture easily portraying deeper sentiment from the sated, exhausted man.

Die pushed toward him, nose buried there against his neck. "I love you," he murmured, really hoping this wouldn't result like last time. He just needed to say it... needed to know he was loved in return right then.

Kaoru pushed up enough to press his mouth to Die's, kissing him slowly. He pulled back and his eyes were glassy and dark, his voice hoarse when he spoke. "I love you, Daisuke." Reluctantly, he slid out of his lover and carefully lay down against his side, his body feeling like it was made of rubber.

Die curled up closer to him, resting his head against Kaoru's shoulder as he cuddled to his side. His fingers curled around Kaoru's, holding on tight.

They were sweaty and wet and covered in each other's bodily fluids, but Kaoru didn't care, for once. He just tucked his arm around Die and squeezed his fingers, kissing his hair as he closed his eyes and, despite the early hour, was quickly asleep.

Die knew Kaoru was asleep long before he himself drifted off, sleep finally claiming him about an hour later, his worries drowned out in the fog of post-orgasm and alcohol.


	18. Chapter 17

Die settled himself on the plane, his hands twisting nervously in his lap as he waited on Kaoru to finish stowing their carry-on bags overhead. Something about having to travel to another state for his hysterectomy really had his nerves in a bunch. Then again, maybe it was more the fear of flying than anything else. He always worried about the what if's: what if the engine cut out, what if a bird flew into it, what if the fuel line had a leak. But he did his best to ignore it for now, keeping silent as he buckled in and sat - stiff as a board - in his window seat, waiting on Kaoru to take the aisle next to him.

Kaoru settled down beside him, his bag with books, laptop, etc. at his feet. He could tell Die was agitated and squeezed his hand. "It's a short flight, baby, relax. Do you want some booze? Might calm your nerves." He had gotten over his fear of flying ages ago after his sixth or seventh international flight.

Die took a deep breath and cradled Kaoru's hand in his own, nodding a little. "Whiskey," he murmured, voice achingly quiet in the noisy cabin.

Kaoru waved down a stewardess and got two mini bottles of Jack Daniels, pouring both into a small plastic cup with ice and handed it to Die.

Die took the drink from Kaoru, tilting the cup back and swallowing half the contents in one go. Much to his credit, he didn't even flinch. Another drink and it was gone, only the ice left in his somewhat shaking hand.

Kaoru took the cup back and put it on the next passing cart, rubbing Die's hair. His own had gotten long over the nearly eight months since they'd met, several inches past his shoulders, natural black for now. "Did you want to watch a movie or something?" he asked, gesturing towards his laptop in his bag. "Or do you just want to talk?"

Die just curled up next to Kaoru, clinging to his arm and shaking his head a little. "Just hold me... and for the love of god, don't let me hurl."

"Oh goodness." He put an arm around Die as they began to taxi down the runway, kissing his hair. He pulled the barf bag out just in case, rubbing his lover's arm. "It's not so bad. I've done about twenty flights back and forth to Japan. That is some serious hell."

Die buried his face into Kaoru's chest, staying there and concentrating on breathing. He hadn't been on a plane in years and the last time he had, he'd been twelve and terrified. He'd ended up puking for most of the flight, much to his mother's horror and that was all he had as a frame of reference, all of it making his stomach twist with the agony of anticipation for the same to happen all over again.

Kaoru smoothed the other's hair back, trying to distract him. "Dad asked about you. He always does when I talk to him. He suggested I bring you next month when the family gets together for he and mom's anniversary."

Die peered up a little at Kaoru. "Yeah?" He smiled a little. "Fishing maybe?"

Kaoru chuckled, rubbing Die more. "Absolutely. They live on a lake."

Die nodded, a hopeful look in his eyes. That sounded like fun... lots of fun. The plane started to lift off and he crushed his face into Kaoru's shoulder, muttering about fish.

Kaoru tittered quietly, feeling sorry for his lover. He scrounged up something else to take his mind off the flight. "I haven't asked you officially yet; will you be my date to Sita's wedding?" A month or so ago, Kaoru had taken Die along with him to his best friend's engagement party, a laid back affair in a friend's backyard, drinking beers and eating barbeque under fairy lights strung across the lawn. Sita, a rather opinionated, beautiful young Indian woman, had swooned over Die, thrilled her dearest friend had finally found love again, not to mention in such a sweet, charming, gorgeous man.

Die listened to him, quieting his babbling on fish and then peering up at him. He blinked and then nodded. "Of course. I should get the date so I can make sure not to schedule appointments or surgeries then though... wouldn't want to be hung up in bed during it, you know?" The plane began its leveling out and Die didn't even flinch, too distracted by Kaoru's constant chatter to notice.

Kaoru nodded, leaning his cheek against Die's hair. "May 15th." He quieted after that for a while, just holding Die to him. Die nodded, quietly shifting to use his phone, which was on airplane mode, to put in the wedding to his schedule. After, he just sat there, holding onto Kaoru's arm while he tried to calm his nerves down a lot.

After about ten minutes, Kaoru spoke again. "So, as far as Kyo knows, you are my assistant. I didn't want to be blatantly unprofessional like 'here's my boyfriend, he's a fan, too!' Though he'll probably know. He's got a weird way. Last time, he told me out of nowhere, without knowing anything about me, that my sister was going to marry her boyfriend and have a little girl and to not worry about my mom's cancer coming back." He paled just thinking about the odd prophecy the other had tossed casually over his shoulder as they parted. "It all came true, obviously. Mom's been in remission for over two years."

Die turned his head, listening with wide eyes. "Oh... really? So all the rumors about that shit are true then?"

Kaoru gave a confused look. "Rumors like... psychics are legit? Or rumors that Kyo has obviously got some sort of sixth sense? I'd never heard that." He shrugged. "Either way, yes, apparently." He moved and grabbed Die's wrist, pulling the other's arm around himself and snuggling against his chest. "I usually sleep on flights, but I'll stay awake with you. And speaking of sleep, I have the hardest time getting any rest when I'm alone now, but I sleep like a baby if you're in the bed."

Die shook his head a little at the first part and then nodded at the second. "There are rumors all over about him... especially in the fan pages. Stuff about him being some kind of warlock or something, but most people seem to think he's actually a prophet from God himself. It's kind of creepy shit." He allowed the shifting and then settled again, nodding. "Yeah... me too. I can't get any rest without you there. Everything feels... empty."

Kaoru hummed, nuzzling Die's shoulder, and then laughed. "A warlock? I doubt it. He's very spiritual, like, in a Buddhism/Hindu/Shinto sort of way, I think he's just... very sensitive to people. Possibly a prophet." He realized as he talked about spirituality that it was something he and Die had never discussed, and he sort of hoped they didn't. Kaoru had been raised Shinto and happily stayed on that path, but Die seemed perhaps agnostic, maybe raised in a more Western faith, and he didn't want their personal beliefs to clash, or for Die to think he was too old-fashioned which, privately, he really was.

Die just made a soft sound and nodded at Kaoru's assessment. After all, he'd hopefully see all of this for himself once he met this man and then all would be answered. Kaoru would find, if he probed deeper, that Die was one of those people who had their own way, their own path and their own individual spiritual needs and beliefs. But he never put down anyone else's paths or their beliefs, allowing for an open mind no matter what. He was just, overall, a genuinely accepting person, even in religion. He shifted a bit and then thought about it for a while. After a few minutes, he spoke up again. "I think it'll be interesting to find out... to feel it out myself. You know?"

Kaoru hummed, rubbing Die's knee through a hole in his jeans. "Mm... I sort of hope he doesn't say anything like that again, though, especially about you. I'm kind of scared he'll tell you something about me." He slapped himself in the forehead. "Fuck, I act like we're going to see some crazy gypsy with a crystal ball."

Die laughed at that and shook his head. "Watch, just because you said that, he'll do it now to make you paranoid."

Kaoru's brow creased and he pressed his cheek into Die's chest, saying nothing.

Die reached up to gently stroke his hair. "Stop being a worry wart, Kaoru... we're fine."

Kaoru sighed, pursing his lips. "I can't help that I worry all the time... it's just... I mean, by summer, we'll have been together a year, and it's like that point when you know it's serious, but you wonder when you'll start seeing the light at the other side of the tunnel, when it will end. I'd totally freak if he made even the slightest implication that we'd fall apart soon, but something in me is just as scared to hear him say the opposite..." He pouted, hiding his face. "I've never cared this strongly about anyone, Die. I was completely nuts for you the second we met."

Die shook his head a little. "Baby... let what will be, be. It'll happen how it's meant to. Worrying over it will do nothing but damage." 

Kaoru sighed, sliding his hand around Die's waist and hugging him. "I know... I'm sorry I'm such a girl." He pouted cutely.

Die snorted and shook his head. "I think I get that label for now, my dear."

Kaoru looked up at him, doe-eyed. He hardly even realized it, but he had a sweet voice and face that came over him only when he feeling particularly amorous with Die. "But, you're my man!"

Die offered him a smile and then a closer hug. "I know it... and I'm glad for it."

A blush crossed Kaoru's cheeks and he pulled away slowly, digging through his bag, pulling out three books and trying to decide which one he wanted to read, one of which was in Japanese. Slowly, a mischievous grin crossed his face and he leaned into Die's shoulder. "Love, would you like me to read to you?" He showed Die the cover; dime-store romance novel quality painting, but instead of a dashing sailor with his mistress, behind the veil of a willow's branches were two men in traditional kimono, wrapped in each other's arms. "Terrible plot, amazing porn."

Die arched his eyebrow at the cover and then smiled. "Sure... why not. Just don't read loud enough for that kid back there to hear," he murmured softly before settling completely and sniffing lightly.

Kaoru opened the book, right to left, then peered back at the little blonde-haired boy. "If he understands Japanese, I'll eat my book." He smiled and put his arm around Die, pulling the other against his shoulder as he began to read, the story starting in a little town somewhere in the mountains, towards the north of Honshu, with two young sons of farmers who were to be married to each other's sisters, but were in love with each other, instead. One was Yuuta, the other Matsu, not that their names mattered, because hardly two short chapters in, they were partaking in a particularly steamy session of mutual masturbation in the stable of Yuuta's house. Kaoru read through the porny bits as close to a sultry phone sex voice as he could in public, one hand draped over Die's knee, stroking it.

Die listened, his attention completely on the sound of Kaoru's voice. It wasn't long before he was hung on every single word, his mind envisioning the things that Kaoru was reading. He whispered in Japanese, "Fuck... so damn hot...."

Kaoru grinned, kissing the side of Die's mouth and reading on, a short scene with Matsu arguing with his father about his arranged marriage leading into he and Yuuta going off into the woods so that Matsu would calm down, which turned into Yuuta sucking his lover off. Knowing Die couldn't read the kanji, Kaoru went off script, throwing in little details discreetly to try and slowly shape the image in Die's mind of Matsu looking like himself, and Yuuta like Kaoru. He described Matsu's cock in grand detail, imagining what Die's might be like had he been born the man he was, rather than in the guise of a woman. "Yuuta lapped slowly down his lover's feverish, pulsing flesh," he crooned in a low voice, "tracing his tongue around the ridge of Matsu's head, the soft, dark-colored tip tasting salty and familiar. Matsu let a sigh pass his full lips, and Yuuta swallowed down the long, veined shaft, mouth wrapped around the thick base, adoring the sensation of the other quaking beneath his ministrations." Kaoru didn't even realize his hand had slipped higher on Die's leg. He was just thankful they had booked an evening flight and most of the passengers around them were dozing, the cabin dim.

Die's eyes closed eventually, listening to the descriptions and indeed doing what Kaoru expected and placing himself and Kaoru into their places. The description of what he envisioned as being his cock made him almost whimper, barely catching it in time as he bit his lip hard. The flush on his cheeks and the way he shifted made it more than obvious that he was letting the story affect him in more than one way. And when that hand slipped up his thigh, he more than welcomed it.

Kaoru blushed when Die let out half a whimper, pausing with the book just before Matsu was ready to cum. "Too much? Should I stop reading?" Suddenly, he turned as he felt a hand on his arm and a sleepy businesswoman across the aisle groaned at him. "Please don't stop reading. I don't have a clue what you're saying, but your voice is really soothing." Kaoru blushed harder and sort of stuttered some reply, but the woman had shifted and dozed back off. He turned his attention once more to Die. "So?"

Die watched the business woman and then had to try not to laugh once she was dozing again. He shook his head. "Not too much," he murmured, "please..." his voice came close to Kaoru's ear, "I'm so turned on...."

"I figured you would be." He took Die's hand and pressed it against his cock, hard and wedged inside his underwear, to let him know he was turned on, too, the he put Die's hand back from where he'd picked it up and read on. "Matsu's eyes stung he shut them so tightly and Yuuta's tongue against the underside of his length, the loving, hot mouth around him, sucked a little piece of life out of him as his body quaked and then gave forth a libation of his desire, which Yuuta used to quench his lustful thirst." Kaoru paused and made some comment about how convoluted the description was, muttering, "He came, other one swallowed. The end. It's that simple."

Die gasped as his fingers were brushed over Kaoru's hard length and then his hand moved back. He pouted for a moment, kind of wanting to be naughty. He nodded in agreement about the description, but laughed a little. "Libation... amusing." He reached for his blanket and then then rather unceremoniously tossed it over Kaoru's lap, tucking it back so that it covered him a little as well. There... now he could work.

Kaoru gasped, holding up a finger, knowing where Die was going with this. Pulling out his laptop, he started playing Zombieland and handed Die an earbud, putting one in on his right side. With the table down and the laptop screen up, they were a little more discreet. Besides, Kaoru had always had a weird thing for Woody Harrillson, and that thing was probably all because of Natural Born Killers.

Die accepted the ear bud, though he just pretty much ignored what was on screen, shifting around so he was being a good boy on all outward appearances. Then his hand crept into Kaoru's lap, pulling down his zipper and freeing his cock under the blanket. Oh yeah... that was more like it. A thrill shot through him as he peered around at the other passengers.

Kaoru let out the tiniest sigh, doing his very best to outwardly remain placid and calm, not wanting to look like his boyfriend was jacking him off. Thankfully, the cabin wasn't too quiet, and most of the other passengers around them were asleep.

Die gripped him more firmly, his fisted hand moving up and down Kaoru's cock as though Die were envisioning it to be his very own, as though he were doing this to himself. His cheeks flushed and his breathing picked up a little, though other than that, the only sign was his arm faintly moving as he masturbated Kaoru under the ugly blue blanket.

After a while, Kaoru's breath got heavy and he closed the movie, pulling up a word document. Swiftly he typed out _that feels sooooo good._ His hips bucked up into Die's hand. More typing. _I'm trying so hard to be quiet..._

Die swallowed, watching what Kaoru was typing and leaning to whisper in Japanese in his ear, "Think you can cum for me without making a scene?" His tongue flicked out to lick his earlobe before his hand increased speed, more intent on getting him off than just teasing him.

Kaoru swallowed loudly, sucking in a breath through his nose when Die licked at his ear, fingers sputtering against the keys. He hit enter twice then replied with _I'm biting my tongue so hard I taste blood. not kidding. scared to cum._

Die's free hand went to type on the keyboard, one simple word: _CUM_. He pressed enter and then doubled his efforts on his lover's cock, doing all the things he'd come to know would make him cum hard. He wanted him to cum, even if it meant he would cry out. He'd just say he had a nightmare, excuse it away. No one would have to know except whoever found the cum-stained blanket long after they'd gone.

Kaoru shuddered, turning his head and staring at Die pleadingly. His hand came up and pressed his lover's face to his and in only a few more pumps of those talented fingers that had stolen all his secrets, he came, slammed with pleasure, cumming a generous amount onto the underside of the blanket and Die's hand. By sheer luck, they hit a short burst of turbulence and he cried out, immediately attracting the attention of a stewardess, who started making her way towards him. Kaoru, who was trembling and flushed, body ravaged with the intense release, was glad he had a legitimate, though not entirely honest excuse. Cupping his shaking hands at his mouth, he spit blood into them, thick, dark blood foamy with saliva, and looked up at the stewardess like he was dazed. "I bit my tongue," he explained, and, feeling sorry for him, she went off to get him some towels and a mini bottle to dull the pain.

Die felt the release slide over his fingers, Kaoru's cock throbbing in his hand. Oh god yes... he had to hold his breath in order not to moan at the feeling himself. When the stewardess came to them, Die did his best to look the part of the comforting concerned companion. "It's okay, Kaoru, it's just turbulence," he stated, though inwardly he was doing a victory dance at having had his lover cum all over him in public. Once the woman was gone and Die was sure no one was staring, he wiped his hand on the blanket and mopped up Kaoru as well as he could before doing up his pants and then scrunching up the part of the blanket that was soiled so it wouldn't ruin Kaoru's pants. Then he used some spit and a tissue on his hand before starting to mop up Kaoru's hands.

Kaoru just watched him with glazed eyes, still quaking. A bead of blood formed at the corner of his slack mouth as he stared at Die, threatening to drip down his chin. "Thank you," he said in a hoarse voice, so soft it was barely heard.

Die reached up to dab at his mouth and then smirked, nodding. "Ummhmm," he replied, closing the laptop screen so that the stewardess couldn't see it.

Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die, hugging him close. After only a moment, the cabin lights came back on and their descent into Los Angeles was announced. Kaoru leaned into Die's ear, whispering, "When we get to the hotel, I'll give you whatever you want. Think on it." He smirked and shifted around, carefully folding the blanket and stowing it away.

Die nodded, hugging Kaoru back and helping him put the laptop away and put the tray table in the stored position and then made sure his chair was in the upright position. He shifted and then crossed his legs, fingertips drumming on his own thigh nervously.

The landing was smooth and at last they were in LAX, Kaoru taking their carry-ons and heading toward baggage claim like he was familiar with the huge complex, and really, he was. He stood waiting for their luggage on the belt, grabbed it, and head out of security, ready to be in a hotel that smelled clean and relaxing, not cramped and recycled. At the entrance, a driver stood with a sign reading NIIKURA and Kaoru waved, going over to him, slipping one hand into Die's elbow.

Die kind of followed Kaoru around like a lost puppy, taking his bags when they were handed to him and then following after, feeling odd about the sign for presumably a limo or something. How... classy. All the same, Die simply followed. Their bags were loaded into the black Lexus, nothing really special, essentially a nice cab arranged for Kaoru by the magazine, since half of their stay would be work related for him. He held the door for Die and then slid in after him, sitting close in the back seat, driving into the huge, jumbled city, lit up, the sky dark, seeing as it was nearly ten at night.

Die was actually kind of relieved for it not to be a limo. He slid into the car and leaned back against the seat, relaxing there while they started their drive. "Still so nervous... about the surgery," he murmured.

Kaoru kissed his hand. "You've got three days before then, baby. Don't worry." He smiled and then looked up as they pulled up to the hotel, tipping the driver and getting out, the valet unloading their bags, which kind of miffed Kaoru, who liked to do things on his own. Check in, thankfully, was very quick, and at last, they were in the room. As was hotel custom, Kaoru yanked off the top cover of the big white king sized bed and then stripped completely, crawling into the cool sheets and rolling around with contented groans. After a bit of this, he popped his head out, hair mussed, and looked at Die. "Have you decided what you want?"

Die again just followed Kaoru's lead, moving with him, only holding his carry on and nothing more. He tipped the bag boy and then settled their bags in the right places before watching Kaoru like he'd lost his mind. He laughed and shook his head. "No, but what the hell are you doing?"

Kaoru stretched spread-eagle under the sheets. "Mm, hotel tradition for me; get naked, climb in sheets, roll around. It feels so goooood." He kicked around a little more, disappearing under the soft white linen. "So... do you want me to finger you? Jack you off? Eat you out? Wanna fuck me? Watch me jerk off? What, sugar?" asked the Kaoru-shaped mass of sheets. One dark eye peaked out from a lifted corner. "I said I'd do anything for you, anything to get you off."

Die watched for a minute and then carefully took off his own clothing, going to wash his hands and apply some anti-scar cream. He then came back and carefully climbed into the bed, laying back. What he really wanted was a dick deep inside him, but he didn't dare say something that wasn't in the option list. "I dunno," he murmured quietly, stretching.

Kaoru frowned, crawling on top of Die, giving him his best slut eyes. "Baby!" he whined, "you were so horny, you made me cum so hard, I would be only so happy to return the favor in any," he kissed Die's chest, "way," stomach, "you," dipped his tongue into his navel, "choose." He stopped just above Die's cock and bit his lip, trying to look sexy.

Die whimpered a little and then wordlessly, put his hand in Kaoru's hair, trying to urge him down a little further. He'd settle for this, for where Kaoru was heading.

Kaoru smirked, scooting down and settling between Die's legs, wrapping his hand around the strange dick he'd become so familiar with. "Is this really what you want? You want me to suck you?" His voice dripped sex. With a smile, he gave Die a smooth stroke and noted, "You're cock is bigger than when we first became lovers, you know. I can put all four fingers around it." He smiled, rather fascinated by his lover's ever changing body.

He flushed, listening to what he was telling him and he had to peer down between them, looking and then realizing it was true. He hadn't spent a lot of time looking down there when he had two ugly scars to worry about on a bi-daily basis. But now, he kind of felt a swell of pride. The doctors would have something to work with, something substantial and he'd be left with more than a measly inch of dick. 

Kaoru nuzzled Die's stomach, stroking him for a few moments before sweeping his hair across the other's skin and finally flickering his tongue out, teasing the end before sucking it slowly into his mouth, pushing his hair out of his face so that he could look up at Die.

Die's back arched, a low whine coming from his throat at the contact with his lady-dick. For once, he didn't try to push his masculine tone out in the way he moaned. Instead, his hands pushed into his own hair and he let out every whimper and feminine moan he could, writhing with the pleasure of what Kaoru was doing to him.

Kaoru sucked expertly, becoming painfully aroused by the sounds he was wrenching for his lover. Pulling back, he growled. "You have seriously turned me some kind of backwards bisexual. You sound like a woman right now, but I'm rock hard."

Die arched and writhed when Kaoru stopped sucking him, whimpering and trying to pull at him. "Please," he whispered, almost in tears because of how very close to the edge he'd been. Kaoru immediately obliged, wrapping his mouth back around his lover's length and attacking it with his tongue, fingers dancing over Die's thighs. Die practically wailed, his back arching and his body shivering under that mouth. "Oh... oh yeah." He let out another cry and then came hard enough to soak the sheets under him with his fluids. Kaoru bent and lapped at the wet pussy, both in an attempt to clean and to taste his lover's release.

Die whimpered, arching again, his hands twisting in his own hair harshly, more cries of pleasure leaving him. Everything was so sensitive, beyond sensitive and into the realm of 'holy fucking shit'. Kaoru kept going, never having pushed Die past that barrier but wanting to see what lay beyond, and pressed his mouth close, fucking Die's dripping cunt with his tongue.

Die let out another sound that was surely going to drive the neighbors up the wall if he continued. He whined and shifted, shivering and then grabbing Kaoru's head, damn near shoving his face against his cunt, desperate in a way he didn't quite understand.

Kaoru growled, pleased, to have Die shove his face into that sweet pussy he'd come to adore, working his tongue harder, deeper still.

Die let out a string of curses, hips shoving up while his hands shoved down. It wasn't long before a second orgasm rippled through his body, bringing more fluid gushing out, this time into Kaoru's mouth that was pressed so tightly there. Die damn near screamed before wilting back onto the bed in a panting heap of trembling flesh.

The warm, watery fluid hit his tongue and Kaoru swallowed, not even questioning, just knowing it was Die's. After his lover came down a little, Kaoru crawled up over his body, jerking himself off enthusiastically. His knees were in Die's armpits by the time he asked "Can I cum on your face?"

Die watched him from under hooded lids, nodding as he watched Kaoru's hand move over his dick. He felt excited by the prospect of having his lover's warm release smeared over his cheeks and lips. Expectantly, he closed his eyes and lifted his face a little.

Kaoru leaned down awkwardly and kissed him before straightening and gripping the headboard to support himself, jerking off furiously. He was rarely this turned on, in such an almost slutty mood, but it had hit him today, for some reason, and the perfect finish, as his back arched and shaking, breathy gasps left him, was to cover Die's pretty face with his cum. A jet of it sprayed out across Die's forehead, across his nose, and stopped at his cheek. More hung in his eyelashes, across his mouth, and as Kaoru squeezed out the last of it, he rubbed it from the head of his cock onto Die's lovely lips. Sitting back, not putting much weight on Die's chest so much as leaning back on his legs, still careful with the other, he smiled, breathless, at his lover's face now like a Jackson Pollock painting of jizz.

Die moaned loudly as Kaoru's cum spilled out over his face, his eyes closed tight. And good thing too, since he felt some of his cum dribble down over his eyelashes. When that cock came to rub over his lips, he flicked his tongue out to lick at the head and then over his lips when Kaoru leaned back. He just lay there after that, cheeks flushed and his flesh painted with Kaoru's release.

Kaoru hummed a chuckle and leaned forward again and gave Die's now cleaned lips a short kiss before getting up, walking jelly-legged to the bathroom and bringing back a damp washcloth, using one side to gently clean Die's face, then the other to clean between his lover's legs. He returned to the bathroom to leave the washcloth in the sink and then returned with a towel, lifting Die behind his knees and putting the folded towel over the wet spot. Smiling, eyes flickering to his lover constantly as he moved around the room, he opened his suitcase and produced one of his silk dressing gowns and threw it on, tying it around his waist, then grabbed the terry cloth bath robe provided in the hotel bathroom. He brought it back and sat beside Die, offering it to him. "Come have a smoke with me on the balcony?"

Die marveled at the treatment he received, content with all of it before he snuggled there for a long few moments. Standing a moment later, he shrugged on the robe and tied it around his waist before nodding and following Kaoru out onto the balcony. Kaoru slid open the door and sighed as he stepped out into the heavy night air, still loud out, even though it was pushing towards midnight. He plopped down in one of the chairs and took two cigarettes out of the pack--he'd sporadically started smoking Camel Crush--putting both between his lips and lighting them, handing one to Die and cracking the bead in the filter to make it a menthol. His dark eyes were heavy-lidded and happy, sinking back into the chair and admiring the psychotic mess of West Coast dazzle that was LA.

Die accepted the cigarette, making a surprised sound when it was menthol and not regular, used to Kaoru not smoking what he did. He smiled. "You started using menthols?" he asked, having not seen the package.

Kaoru smiled and shook his head. "No, there's a little bead you pop in the filter that makes it taste like a menthol. I'm not too fond of them, but I got them, since you don't smoke regular." His thin arm looped over Die's on the arms of the patio chairs and he wiggled his fingers in between the other's, lifting Die's hand to his lips and giving one knuckle a rather amorous kiss. He'd learned to sate his romantic side with hot-natured Die by drawing out the afterglow, in which his lover was usually all-too agreeable.

Die smiled fondly at Kaoru, putting his arm around Kaoru's shoulders and pulling him close to his side before re-lacing his fingers with Kaoru's after he'd kissed his knuckle. He blew out his smoke and looked out over the city. "I love you, Kaoru... I really do."

Kaoru glowed and fit himself under Die's armpit, cheek nuzzling the terry cloth, his fingers toying over the soft skin of Die's shoulder. "I adore you. I don't know what I'd do without you..."

He smiled at that, making a soft sound that was somewhat of a contented sigh. "And I without you," he replied. Things hadn't healed between him and his brother, so it still left Die with nothing but Kaoru in his life, something he was simply grateful to even have.

Kaoru sank back in his chair and finished his cigarette with comfortable silence between them. He stood and stretched, his slender, leanly muscled body hinted under the loose, black silk. "Bedtime? Tomorrow's going to be an early morning, I need to be at the studio by 9."

Die nodded, smiling as he finished up his cigarette. "Yeah, sounds good to me," he murmured.

Kaoru tugged Die up by the wrist and kissed him soundly, pulling him inside and then closing and locking the sliding glass doors and drawing the Venetian blinds across and shut before dropping his robe and draping it over a chair, crawling naked into the bed after turning off all the lights but the bedside lamps, snuggling into the plush, cold pillows, waiting on Die to join him.

Die smirked, watching him and then removed his robe as well, going to use the bathroom, brush his teeth, and wash his face. Coming back to the bedroom, he crawled into bed, settling over the towel that was over his wet spot from earlier and then snuggling over next to Kaoru, yanking the comforter up.

Kaoru pulled his lover's arm around his waist and smiled, flipping off the light, and drifted asleep.


	19. Chapter 18

In the morning, Kaoru rose without problem, rare for him, at six, brushed his teeth, got dressed and went downstairs to jog on a treadmill in the fitness room of the hotel. He listened to Kyo's last album on his iPod while he ran, and the single from the new one, debating questions and trying to get everything in his mind sorted out. After the run, he snagged two bottles of orange juice, a muffin, and two bananas from the breakfast buffet and headed upstairs, drinking one bottle and eating one banana, leaving the rest for Die on top of the mini-fridge. He hit the shower, got out, shaved, dressed in snug, light jeans, a tight white t-shirt, and a grey and copper waistcoat, hair in a ponytail, square black glasses on. He had to look professional, but stylish and 'with it'. Journalists were all about being with it, but Kaoru had to pretend, being a photographer at heart, and all. Dressed and ready to write out questions and photo ideas, he started making coffee and opened the blinds, hoping the light and the aroma would wake his lover slowly and easily while he sat in front of his computer and jotted things down on a legal pad.

Die slept in, not having set an alarm or anything and when he did wake up it was because the sun was trying to eat his eyeballs even though his lids. He rolled over the other way, groaning and throwing his arm over his eyes. But then... empty bed... no Kaoru... and he slowly sat up, looking confused.

Kaoru snorted when Die rolled over, flailing his long skinny arms, then stood as his lover pushed himself upright, bracing a knee on the bed and leaning in to kiss Die's jaw. "Morning, tiger," he cooed, settling down beside Die for a moment, rubbing his side. "We've got about an hour before we need to be leaving here. I wanted to let you sleep in, though. You looked too cute to wake up."

Die grunted and allowed the kiss, though he didn't kiss back since he had morning breath and thought that rather disgusting. It was something Kaoru should be spared from in his opinion. After a moment, he licked his lips and made a soft sound while he sniffled and rubbed his sleep-filled eyes. "Shower," he muttered, pushing himself up and stumbling toward the bathroom.

Once inside the bathroom, he turned on the shower, took a piss while he waited on it to warm up, and then got in and rushed through everything he needed to get done, including shaving his legs and trimming his pubic hair decently. He hadn't in a while and he figured it was probably something he'd rather do now than have to beg Kaoru to do after his surgery.

He finished up, dried off, and moved around, getting dressed in a pair of black pinstripe slacks, a Chrome Hearts tank top, and a matching pinstripe jacket before making sure his hair was spiked up and looked nice. He added two silver necklaces, a beaded bracelet, and a skull ring on his middle left finger before he settled on the bed and started putting on socks and his black boots. "How much time left?" he asked, hoping he'd been fast enough.

Kaoru crawled across the bed and looped his arms around Die's shoulders, kissing his ear. "About fifteen minutes." He sat down beside Die and pulled on a pair of red Converse sneakers. He had previously not had any interest in red, it clashed with all the other colors of his wardrobe, but he'd recently become infatuated with it. Though one could guess as to where the influence of the color had come from, Kaoru was oblivious. "I brought you up a little breakfast." He pointed to the orange juice, muffin, and banana.

Die smiled. "Aww... you're sweet." He finished lacing his boot and then stood up, going to his bag, rummaging around and then pulling out his packer, carefully opening his pants and placing the item inside, adjusting it so that it was comfortable and in place properly. His boxer briefs always tended to keep the item in place since he bought them small and tight. There was no need for a harness or something and he liked that freedom. After having done that, he did his pants back up and moved to his breakfast, picking up the items and starting to munch on the muffin, using a napkin to keep the crumbs off of himself.

Kaoru got his camera equipment together and his messenger bag with his laptop, humming to himself. He picked up the keys to the rental car that had come to the hotel that morning and handed a cardkey for the room to Die. "Just in case I lose mine or you want to go out on your own at some point."

Die accepted the card, drinking the juice with his free hand. He tossed the muffin paper in the trash and then the bottle of juice, picking up the banana and putting it on the bedside table for later. He checked for his wallet, cigarettes, and lighter before picking up his sunglasses. "Good to go," he murmured.

Kaoru gave a nod and hefted his bags on his shoulder, opening the door of the room and then standing in it, propping it open with his foot and turning to look at Die, a sparkle in his dark eyes. "You look fantastic, by the way." He punctuated the comment by grabbing his lover by a lapel of his jacket and pulling him down into a hard kiss.

Die grunted a little into the kiss, smirking slightly. When he pulled back, he commented, "Not so bad yourself, Kaoru." Then he brushed past him, moving down the hall to the elevator, feeling spunky now.

Kaoru smirked and followed him, then led him through the lobby out to the silver Nissan rental, putting his bags in the back and climbing into the driver's seat. "You might want to close your eyes. Driving in LA is terrifying."

Die snorted as he climbed in, shaking his head. "So I've heard." He buckled up and then leaned over to start fiddling with the radio.

The first station to come in was playing Mariachi. Kaoru burst out laughing, getting onto the freeway and heading downtown. The magazine had rented a studio of a sister company to facilitate the interview and shoot. Thankfully, most of the morning traffic had subsided. Kaoru gave Die a short debriefing. "I've got to set up the studio and the set for the shoot, get some bottled water, all that nice crap. Kyo's supposed to arrive at noon, and he's infamously punctual, so excuse me if I get in a time-crunch tiff with everything."

Die made a face and switched the station until he found a rock and metal station, leaving it there. He settled back then, listening and nodding. "I'm here for whatever you need that I know how to do. Use me as you see fit."

Kaoru chuckled. "Quite an offer." 

Die snorted. "Hey, I mean it. Bend me over a counter if it helps." That seemed somehow kind of fun. But he just shook his head and laughed, knowing he'd probably end up running around and getting water or something. Kaoru fell silent and after a while was pulling up in a parking lot of a nondescript looking building. He got out, grabbed his bags, and punched in a code to open the door of the building. No one else seemed to be there. Die got out and followed Kaoru to the door.

Kaoru headed down a dimly lit hall to a studio left unlocked at the end. He turned on the lights and inside was a collapsible table and chairs for the interview, a long row of sinks apparently for paintbrushes, and the corner was set up as a photoshoot set with some things Kaoru had requested; reams of black gauze, a black floor set out with steps going up to it, the riser and steps covered in black velvet, the backdrop was hung with a tight stretch of patterned satin in dull cream, lacey in design. There were lights and a box of gels set out and in the center of the riser was a throne-like chair, the carved arms and back painted black enamel, with plush black velvet cushions. Kaoru set down his bags and put his hands on his hips, huffing, trying to envision what needed to be done. "I might bend you over later," he joked. "Honestly, for now, I'm a micromanaging control freak, so you can just hang." He gave Die a smile over his shoulder. "You're here for the company, anyway."

Die nodded, looking around and then moving to carefully set up the table and three chairs off to the side, plopping his butt down in one and then leaning his chin on his hand and watching Kaoru. "Butt officially sitting," he informed.

Kaoru smirked and then picked up the bolt of gauze, beginning to hang and distress it in front of the drop, going into work mode and getting into the task, spending a silent thirty minutes on it before he moved onto the lights. Setting them up took another thirty minutes; one directly in front at head height, two angled off at the front to one side, and another at the opposite side at the back of the riser, one low, one high, pointed at the chair. Another ten minutes went into choosing gel colors; a rich teal at the front light, and a warm, diffused amber in the back, with a frost in the center light. He turned them on and started focusing. "Baby," he prompted, the first word he'd said in an hour, "would you please come sit in the chair?"

Die straightened, blinking. He'd been half asleep when Kaoru called to him. Not that he was bored, but silence did that to him. He blinked himself completely awake and then moved up the steps and over to the chair, sitting down carefully in it, looking to Kaoru for what he needed.

Kaoru did a rough focus on the center light and then started walking back and forth from Die to the colored lights, waving his hand in front of his lover's face, shuttering off the lights a little more, adjusting them, repeating the process several times with slow attention. Quickly, he set up his camera on its tripod and hooked it to his laptop, set on a low table, and took a picture just to see what the unadjusted lighting looked like. He stared at the screen for a good thirty seconds, adjusted settings on the camera. Another picture. He changed the lens. Another picture. This time he smiled, waving Die over. "Perfect."

Die waited, watching Kaoru with a kind of bemused expression on his face, looking kind of bored when the camera focused on him, thinking that was what he remembered Kaoru having said to do. Once he told him it was perfect, he got up and came back to the table, sitting down again.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, smiling. "I just needed a focus point for the lighting." He then realized he'd done all that with the room's fluorescents on. Cursing, he hit a switch that turned off half of them, then he pulled an air wall across the room from both ends, making a little door in the middle. "One more time, please?" he asked Die apologetically. "Then you can come see what all this fussing was about."

Die laughed, getting back up and going back over to sit in the seat again. This time, he pulled one leg up and held onto it while he looked off into space, not focusing on Kaoru in the least.

Kaoru made a few more adjustments and took another photo, then nodded. "Come look. Your hair looks awful with those colors on it, but... the lighting's good." He gestured Die over and on the screen of his laptop Die was lit all teal on one side, all amber on the other, softly down the middle, hitting him naturally. His face and torso were lit in a soft, brighter circle of light and everything else was a sensual dimness.

Die peered at it, tilting his head. He was right, the colors did nothing for his red hair, but it would be nice with someone who didn't have obnoxiously colored hair, he was sure. "Nice lighting," he replied, smiling softly.

"You're only saying that 'cause I fuck you," he joked with a wink, turning off the lights and putting his laptop on standby. Die scoffed and then laughed, shaking his head. "Not true." Kaoru went back through the gap where he'd partitioned the room in half and found the plastic cups, bowls, wicker basket and cooler that had been left for him to set up some meager catering and he put them on the table. "There's a Rite-Aid just down the street, wanna come with me to get some stuff?" Die watched Kaoru rush around and he nodded, "Yeah, sure thing."

Kaoru nodded and opened the door, leaving it propped open, going down the hall back into the LA heat with its glaring sun. He walked up the street, checking his watch the whole time, going into the air conditioned drug store and getting two Arizona green teas, a Diet Coke, a Pepsi, a bag of ice, some organic trail mix, a package of cookies, four bottles of Fiji water, and some fresh fruits being sold by a local on a homemade stand at the cash register. He was still wearing his sunglasses and was fidgeting, it was now 11:35, and the young clerk looked like she might think he was going to rob her, or was another neighborhood junkie.

Die followed Kaoru into the store and watched him purchase things. He, on the other hand, bought a pack of cigarettes and a four pack of Heineken. "For the hotel," he explained to Kaoru, not wanting him to think he was going to get wasted during the interview with Kyo. No... for this he wanted to be sober, thank you very much.

Kaoru gave a lopsided smile, then jogged back to the coolers and got a strawberry Fanta to add to his purchase. "I didn't think you were that much of a drunk," he teased, paying and keeping the receipt for reimbursement. Die smiled when Kaoru went back to get his preferred soda. That was sweet of him. He paid for his purchase and then they left the store, all the items in tow.

Walking out, Kaoru took big breaths to calm himself. It was nearly 11:45 when they got back to the studio and he hurriedly dumped ice in the cooler with one cup to scoop it out. He dumped the trail mix into a plastic bowl and set the other food items on the table with the drinks, handing Die the Fanta. He grabbed his bag, put his legal pad, a pen, and a digital recorder on the table. "Okay..." he sighed, trying to shake his nerves, "I guess now we just go have a smoke and wait for him."

Die put the beer off to the side with Kaoru's bags and stuff to be taken back to the hotel. Taking the soda, he opened it, took a sip and then put it down on the table, fishing out his smokes and tapping one out. "Now that I can do."

Kaoru smiled, leaning against the door outside to open it, obviously nervous. "Kiss me?" he asked pitifully as he stepped outside and pulled his pack of cigarettes from his jeans. "I need a pick-me-up. Kyo totally wigs me out, I feel so pressured working with an artist like him."

Die pulled Kaoru to him, leaning against the wall and after lighting his cigarette, leaned down and caught the other man's lips with his own. He kissed him deeply for a moment and then pulled back. "Don't let it get to you... think of it as an awesome experience... besides if he fucked you last time, he obviously doesn't think you're a dumbass."

Kaoru put his hand in the back of Die's hair, where he wouldn't have to worry about messing it up, licking at his lover's mouth briefly. "I know... I just - I dunno. I guess the fact that I've fucked him and I still think he's gorgeous and my boyfriend is here doesn't help my nerves." He pouted. "Not that I don't want you here, of course."

Die listened, a sparkle in his eyes. "You don't think I think he's fucking hot? Jesus... I'm attached, not blind." He grinned, making it obvious he was teasing, though serious about Kyo being hot. He pecked Kaoru's lips again. "Look, I feel kind of... special that he's fucked you and I kinda got... second hand Kyo cooties, okay?" He laughed at his own words, trying hard to lighten the mood.

Kaoru blushed, pulling away a little and rolling his tongue over his bottom lip, then biting it. He grabbed the elbow of his arm holding his cigarette, bouncing one foot. "I wonder if he'll even remember that... I mean, he was 19, only 22 now, he's probably sleeping with loads of people. Youth gives that entitlement." 

Die replied softly, "I'm sure he does... I certainly would."

Kaoru was about to say more when a black BMW pulled into the parking lot and a man wearing tight black jeans, tight black t-shirt, about four different belts, black low-top sneakers, and a black bandana over shoulder-length blonde hair stepped out, carrying a black duffle bag and conveying in broken English to the driver that he would call when he was done. He was both thin and muscular, but not lean, nor excessively thin or muscular. His face was mostly hidden behind a big pair of sunglasses, his only real features visible being his full, bowed lips, and he was surprisingly short, several inches shorter than Kaoru, for such a radiating, strong personality, evident immediately. He started walking across the parking lot towards them, head down, and Kaoru flicked his cigarette off towards the sidewalk, muttering, "This is it...."

Die's eyes looked up at the BMW and then at the man getting out of it and he had a mini-death right on the spot. He made a soft sound that was something like a moan, Kyo still too far away to hear it. Blushing, he swallowed. "Shit," he murmured, "god damn." And then he shut up, straightening and taking a final few drags of his cigarette before tossing it down and crushing it out.

Kaoru hit Die in the leg playfully, then took a few steps forward and called out, "Kyo-san! It's good to see you again." Kyo looked up and blinked, taking Kaoru's offered hand in that awkward bow-handshake, his other hand coming up to push his sunglasses down his nose. "You _are_ that Kaoru," he said in a voice curiously soft and smooth for anyone who had only heard him sing. "I'm terrible with names, I wasn't sure if it was you." He let go of Kaoru's hand. "You look even better than I remember." There was playful youth in his eyes, swimming with the fiery intelligence there in the mud colored orbs.

Kaoru blushed, half-heartedly returning a similar compliment, gesturing to Die. "Ah, Kyo-san, this is Die, my, ah, assistant."

Kyo rolled his eyes and held out one of his expressive, large, veined hands, pale spiders at the end of artfully tattooed arms. "Please, he's your goddamn boyfriend," he chided Kaoru, then to Die, "Nice to meet you." Kaoru gave Die a look over Kyo's shoulder that said _see what I mean?_

Die watched the interaction between the two of them and then smiled, accepting Kyo's hand, shaking it. He felt almost breathless, having actually touched Kyo. He held onto his hand for a moment longer than was absolutely necessary, blushing when he let it go. "Nice to meet you as well," he murmured, smirking at the fact that Kyo pointed out immediately that he was his boyfriend, already displaying his ability to perceive beyond what others could do.

Kaoru punched in the code and led Kyo down the hall to the little studio, where the younger man put down his bag and looked around the room, walking towards the partition, but not looking beyond it. "I won't peak. I like your ideas. The bed was almost too obvious last time, but the lighting and the blood and the angles... I loved it. I hate pictures of myself." He sat down at the table, cracking open the can of diet Coke. "Interview first?" He was an absolute whirlwind, soft spoken, but quick.

Kaoru nodded and sat, pulling out the chair beside him for Die, both of them sitting across from Kyo.

Die followed behind, feeling a little star-struck and kind of like he was just going to be the bumbling idiot attachment. He settled in the chair facing him, crossing one leg over the other, picking up his strawberry Fanta and just sitting there with it, staring at Kyo like he didn't even realize that staring was rude.

Kaoru started in casually, and then began asking Kyo questions about his recent tour, about song writing, the influence of jazz in the new album in unconventional forms of homage, his poetic, macabre sense of words, and of course his unique, widely ranged voice. Kyo answered all of them charmingly, if not with a slight edge of patronization, laughing when he stated he agreed with most of the critics that he was a lyricist with musical accompaniment, a theatre on stage; not a singer, truly a vocalist, a man of words and innovative use for the natural human instrument.

"Music isn't something I learned. Piano, yes, it was my only option as a child, but my music is mine and I make it what I want it to be, whether it's the right way or not. There's a song, I won't name it, on my first album, the one that flopped. It's three chords on an acoustic and the most jarring, redundant rhythm, but it's the one song I do live and everyone seems to be moved, if not made nauseous. I wrote that song sitting around recording myself, falling asleep, playing three chords to stay awake, and then I just started singing; hardly singing, just incanting words. I barely changed anything from that spontaneous moment to the recorded song." As he talked, his eyes flickered to Die, smiling more and more at this curious man that was staring, as if dazed, at him.

Die listened with rapt attention, his focus entirely on the man in front of him, as though his universe had narrowed down to just the three of them. When Kyo's eyes settled on him, he immediately startled, looking ashamed as he looked down at his lap, squeezing his bottle of soda a bit more than was absolutely necessary. He'd been caught staring... how incredibly rude. He flushed darkly, feeling suddenly a million more times self-conscious than before. 

Kyo smirked, continuing to answer Kaoru's questions, which eventually led to Kyo being such an elusive person, publically. The young artist shrugged. "The public doesn't need to know me. They don't have to know if I'm gay or straight, or what my parents were like, or what side of the bed I sleep on to understand my music. It's not meant to be given context. It is its own context." He almost got angry with this answer, obviously annoyed by the persistence of the press, then calmed again; Kaoru did not ask about his personal life, outside of wondering whether or not he even had one, with all the work he did. Kyo laughed. "No, I really don't." His eyes went dark. "I have to mix work and pleasure..."

With that, Kaoru announced he had no more questions before showing Kyo to the small dressing room for models for the art classes usually held here so that he could change for the photos, then went to turn on the lights again in the other half of the room, bringing his laptop back up. He gave Die a smile. "You look on cloud 9, sugar."

Die only looked back up when Kyo left the room and he gave Kaoru a look when he spoke. He shook his head a little, voice low but probably still carrying despite his best efforts. "I can't believe I'm in the same room as him... and... he caught me staring like a moron." He drooped a little. "I feel stupid."

Kaoru looped an arm around Die's waist and kissed his cheek. "Don't. You're fine." He brought Die with him into the dark half of the room and Kyo appeared a moment later, primping his hair, down and parted far to the left, and straightening out the suit jacket over his bare chest. He was still wearing the belts and black jeans, but he'd put on a pair of Doc Martens. He saw the set and grinned. "Wow..."

He stepped over toward Kaoru so he could see it lit from the angle of the camera and then repeated himself. Kaoru blushed. Kyo walked over to the wall to set his bag down and spotted an iPod dock with Stacy written on it in silver Sharpie. "May I?" he asked. Kaoru shrugged agreement. The blonde nodded and took his iPod from his bag, setting it in the dock and then walking back to the set, sitting down in the macabre throne and looking for all the world like some melancholy prince with a streak for wrath. His eyes turned earthy fire when he was in front of either a crowd or camera.

Kaoru swooned at the song choice, snapping a few quick shots to make sure no more adjustments were needed. "Dead Can Dance! Oh, my heart be still!" It was a surprising choice of music, from someone so young. It always sort of surprised Kaoru that Kyo had hardly stopped being a teenager yet.

Die watched from the side, out of the way and not casting any shadows. If anything, he was surrounded by shadows, hidden away so he could watch Kyo in peace and not feel out of sorts for it. The way the other's eyes burned made him bite his lip in arousal, a soft, pleasant sigh leaving his lips. He didn't even notice he'd made that sound... one he made over Kyo's photos in magazines a lot. He was a fan at heart and it took a lot from him to not have said much at all to the man. He had a million questions he wanted to ask, a thousand things he wanted to talk about with him. But he wasn't here to interrupt Kaoru. He was just allowed to stand and watch, and so that's exactly what he did, trying to be more of a fly on the wall than anything else.

Kyo settled back into the chair, shaking out his hair. "You want intensity in the eyes, right? I've got to be pretty static with this lighting." Kaoru nodded. "You read my mind." For the next few minutes, there was simple direction from Kaoru, a few, "how's that?" from Kyo, and the click of the camera shutter. Hardly five minutes in, Kaoru was halfway through asking Kyo if he wanted some water when his voice died in his throat and he stared at the screen of his laptop. "...I got it," he announced softly. "Die... c'mere." He was still staring at the photo; Kyo lounged, his body showing physical strength and his eyes emotional and mental indestructability, his head cocked slightly, arms laid out over the arms of the chair and expressive hands laid in cocky relaxation over the edge, one leg extended out, weight on the heel, the other bent in, ankle flexed up, curled onto the ball of the foot, knees hung wide. He looked like the sexiest living personification of go fuck yourself man had ever seen.

Die finally peeled himself out of the shadows when Kaoru asked him to come there. He peered down at the screen in somewhat of awe, even feeling a slight pull in his groin. Flushing faintly, he nodded. "Ah... yeah... I'd say you do, Kaoru."

Kyo grinned in the way a wolf might when catching a scent and moved to stand stating, "I want to see--shit!" His jacket had caught on one of the filigree carved loops of the chair. He fiddled with it, trying to get it loose. Kaoru went to help him, politely, and he knew as he was bending down to look at where it was caught that it had been a trap. Die watched Kyo get caught, an odd feeling in his stomach as he allowed Kaoru to go and help him rather than doing it himself, even though as assistant it should have been his job really. He was too afraid to go and touch Kyo at all, even if it was just a piece of clothing. Too many 'what ifs' floated in his head. Suddenly, the fumes of sexual tension in the room ignited and Kyo lashed out a hand, grabbing Kaoru's ponytail and pulling so hard it brought Kaoru to his knees, a shout leaving him that died into a loud moan. His hands came up to try and pull Kyo away, but it was useless. The young blonde chuckled lowly and leaned forward, his eyes on Die, a cautious, courteous look of questioning to the redhead to contrast the boiling hot demand he spilled in Kaoru's ear; "Suck me."

Die gasped when Kyo grabbed Kaoru's ponytail and yanked him down. His eyes were wide as he watched, knowing what that would probably do to Kaoru's libido. He was right, the sound of a moan leaving Kaoru and it seemed as though Kyo had already known that would happen. He watched Kaoru try to pull his hands away and he took a hesitant step forward. But... Kaoru was still attracted to Kyo... right? Just because he was with him didn't mean he had to hold him back. After all, he was only half a man for the time being and surely Kyo was far more than that... Kaoru had said he was.

He didn't hear the words, only the rasp of a voice, but unless Kaoru struggled, he wasn't going to interfere. He stood there, feeling kind of awkward, stuck between mid-step forward to help and feeling like he should leave the room entirely. And the look shot his way did nothing to ease his confusion, his inner conflict. His eyes flicked to Kaoru, waiting to see if he'd beg to be let go, to see if he needed to step in or not.

Kaoru struggled, wrenching around to try and see Die's face. For all he knew, Die might love to see this, but if there was even a glimmer of jealousy in his lover's eyes, he'd demand Kyo let him go. The blonde, too, was watching for some sign of approval or disapproval from the redhead, tugging Kaoru's hair again to make him whimper.

When Kaoru struggled against Kyo, Die stepped forward, his voice cautious, almost fearful in a way. "Kaoru?" He just wasn't sure what to think, he wasn't sure if he was imagining that Kyo was maybe wanting to re-do what he'd done with Kaoru before. He didn't feel jealousy, just uncertainty as to if he should step in or not.

Kaoru looked terrified. His hands shook and he found Die's eyes with his own. "Baby..." he didn't know what to say, but one more tug to his hair made something spill out, "Do you want to watch me?" One of his shaking hands snaked up Kyo's thigh, towards the awe-inspiring bulge in the black jeans. Kyo just watched the redhead, ready to let go, thank them both, and leave should anger or sadness paint his face.

The terrified look on Kaoru's face didn't really help anything and he was about to move toward them and tell Kyo to let him go when Kaoru spoke up, asking if he wanted to watch him. He bit his lip a little, settling back on his place. His teeth worried his lip for a few moments longer before he nodded, quietly murmuring, "Yes." If Kaoru wanted to do this, then he'd let him. It would be maybe years before he was anywhere near a full man and even then it would be only a passable excuse for one. Giving this to Kaoru and getting to see Kyo's dick at the same time was something he didn't really want to let go.

He just wasn't entirely sure that all he wanted was to watch. But that was what he'd been offered and it was what he'd take, without complaint. He really wasn't sure where to go. There weren't any chairs in this part of the room and the floor wasn't exactly where he wanted to sit in this outfit. Standing just seemed awkward and getting closer seemed like an intrusion. Finally, he settled on taking a step back and kind of hovering by the laptop. He would have gone back to the wall, but it was so far away... too far away.

Kaoru sighed, gave a little nod and reached for one of Kyo's belts, starting to take them off. "So many goddamn belts," he growled as Kyo laughed and let go of his hair, taking it down and letting the nightfall curtain tumble down over Kaoru's shoulders. The older man crawled forward, between Kyo's knees, and started stroking him through his jeans, the blonde making pleased sounds and a slightly bored face, closing his eyes only when Kaoru opened his pants and grasped his impressive cock. He squeezed it, gave it a hungry look, the turned back to Die. "Die. Are you sure?"

Die was watching, his cheeks flushed and he wanted nothing more than to come closer, to watch... to join in. But that wasn't his place. He wasn't the one with history with Kyo and he wasn't going to steal this moment from Kaoru. He nodded. "You deserve it," he replied quietly, biting harder on his upper lip after, just so that he didn't ask for what he wanted.

Cautiously, he started to take a step around the computer and forward, eyes flicking between the two, unsure if this was okay. But it was so hard to see from back here. He wanted details, not just the back of Kaoru's head while he imagined what was going on.

A look passed between both Kaoru and Kyo, neither knowing what in the hell you deserve it meant, but what Kaoru did know was that Die was getting turned on. He felt like he could almost smell it. Slowly, he leaned forward and started licking Kyo's thick cock up and down, then sucking delicately at the head, making the singer gasp and cant his hips and whine.

It took him a little bit before he'd made his way over to the side, carefully sitting down on the steps, peering up at the two of them as Kaoru sucked Kyo's rather impressive cock. He bit his lip hard now to keep back any sounds he wanted to let free. It was so thick... he wanted to share it with Kaoru. But instead, he sat there, heart beating rapidly while he shifted his thighs, trying to ease the ache that started between his thighs. God... if Kyo found out he was a girl... he was sure the singer would be horrified beyond belief.

But as soon as that thought had come, it went fluttering away. A soft sound of pleasure left him, something more like a wanton whimper. It was a sound that Kaoru probably associated with him begging for something more or different during sex.

Kaoru looked at Die when he heard the noise, half of Kyo's cock in his mouth, Kyo lifting his head from where it had fallen back in pleasure, smirking. He extended one pale spider and crooked a finger, beckoning Die over, making Kaoru sit up for a moment and scooting to the edge of the chair, leaning forward towards Die.

For a moment, he froze. Really? He blinked a few times trying to see if he was imagining things. But no... that hand was still there, finger still crooked to beckon him over. Slowly, he climbed to his feet and then moved to them, shrugging off his jacket and then sinking to his knees in front of Kyo, his heart in his throat. He waited to be told what to do, glancing to the side at Kaoru for a moment before looking back up at Kyo.

Kyo stood, pushing the chair back, figuring it would be easier for them if he was upright, and then bent and grabbed Die by his tank top, kissing him roughly. Kaoru watched, jealousy burning hot through him. He could watch Die suck Kyo off with him, but he was surprisingly infuriated by the sight of someone else's lips on his lover's. After all, a kiss meant so much more.

Die gasped, his eyes wide in shock at the kiss. He whimpered a little into it, his mind blown away by such an action. He couldn't even react properly to it, mind too incredibly shocked with it all for him to kiss back like a sane person. Die's hand found Kaoru's hand, grasping it and squeezing it as his eyelids fell closed.

Kyo pulled back, looking at a sour Kaoru, who was holding onto Die's hand possessively. He gave an apologetic shrug. "No kissing, got it." He looked at both of them on their knees with his straining cock between them and huffed. "Don't just stare at it." Kaoru rolled his eyes and reached to start stroking the base again, leaning in and wrapping his lips around the prominent, purple head, canting his dark eyes invitingly to Die.

Die sat there, kind of shocked, trying to get his wits back about him. Kyo... fucking _Kyo_ had kissed him. Something about that didn't quite want to register just yet. But a moment later, when Kyo told them not to just stare at his dick, he blinked himself out of the stupor, watching Kaoru suck him and then finally shifting closer, one hand moving up to rest on Kyo's hip, thumb stroking. He watched Kaoru for a long moment and then leaned in, sliding his tongue from the corner of Kaoru's mouth, down Kyo's shaft all the way to the base. Then he dipped down, his free hand cupping Kyo's balls and his mouth sucking one at a time, watching to see if Kyo approved of this or not.

Kyo's eyes fell shut and he tossed his head back, giving a throaty moan. Kaoru purred back, brushing a hand down Die's side as he wriggled his tongue expertly around the tip of Kyo's cock, trying to lean and give Die a little room.

He liked... obviously. That was good. Shivering a little, Die ran his hand up Kyo's side, stroking that gorgeous flesh. He felt like such a slut right then, sucking this rockstar he'd known for a few hours off beside his boyfriend. Somehow the thought sent a thrill through him and he used the hand he'd been holding Kyo's balls with to reach over and grope Kaoru's cock. Two were better than one, right? Right. The hand on Kyo sneaked around to grab that lovely ass as he went back to trying to lick whatever part of Kyo's dick that Kaoru didn't have in his mouth or in his hand.

Kaoru moaned and pushed into Die's hand, letting go of Kyo's cock and shifting to be facing it from the side, his own hand wandering over Die, the other holding onto Kyo's hip. The blonde noticed the difference in the two lovers, smiling; feely Die, eager to please, and task-minded Kaoru, who had a goal of bringing others off.

Die's eyes were bright when Kaoru moved enough to allow him to get to more of Kyo's dick. His tongue lapped over the length of it and then he shifted to the head, ringing his tongue around it before he took him in his mouth, doing his best to deep-throat him for a moment. His eyes watered. Fucking hell, Kyo was huge. He sucked hard and then blinked the tears away before he moved to suck on the tip again, then lick down the side, intentionally licking Kaoru in the process. Something about the way he was going at it was more playful than anything. But then, he was just horny and wanting to play. Between his thighs was soaking wet, betraying so many things. He kept his legs closed, not wanting the scent to alert Kyo to the fact that he wasn't being sucked off by two biological men.

Kaoru pulled Die flush against him, kissing him around Kyo's cock, then moved to deep-throat the huge shaft, going slow, but finally nestling his nose in the trimmed thatch of public hair, humming around it. Kyo let out a startled noise of pleasure, grabbing Kaoru by the shoulder.

Die moaned, arching toward Kaoru. When his lover went to deep-throat Kyo, he stuck two fingers in his mouth and coated them in saliva. Pulling them out, he sneaked them between Kyo's legs, slipping over his taint and moving to gently touch his entrance. He didn't try to push in, that wasn't the point. Instead, he just rubbed at it, adding to the nerve endings that were receiving pleasure. His eyes turned to look up at Kyo, cheeks flushed and lips swollen, parted. He pushed himself up on his knees and moved to nuzzle against his belly, licking and kissing at the muscles there.

Kyo gasped but made no move to stop the teasing at his entrance, amused by it, letting it add to the pleasure of Kaoru enthusiastically sucking his cock. Kyo put a hand in Die's hair, encouraging his worship, as it were, the taut muscles starting to quake, then tense as he let out a ragged moan, cumming against Kaoru's tongue. The older man pulled back, sucking the blonde dry, then grabbed his lover and gave him a passionate, cummy kiss, snaking his tongue, covered in Kyo's seed, into Die's mouth.

Die enjoyed the hand in his hair, continuing to nuzzle and lick at him, fingers pressing more against Kyo's entrance. When he let out that moan, Die's eyes moved up to Kyo's face, watching him as he came, knowing he was cumming in Kaoru's mouth. He shivered and opened his mouth to tell him how hot that was when Kaoru abruptly pulled him down and kissed him. Kyo's cum was still on his tongue and he groaned loudly, tongue slicking against Kaoru's almost greedily. Another shiver and his hand moved to Kyo's hip, holding him there, his other hand on Kaoru's crotch, rubbing. 

Kyo panted for a while, swaying back and forth, watching the lovers kiss. He growled out a satisfied sound. Kaoru was pressing against Die, his cock rock hard in his jeans. He was busy taking off his waistcoat and working on the t-shirt when Kyo's soft voice interrupted, "I'm not done with you yet." Less violently than before, he grabbed Kaoru, yanked off his shirt, and shoved him around in front of the chair on his knees, grabbing a belt. "Oh no," Kaoru groaned, obviously knowing he'd hate that he'd enjoy what happened next as Kyo lashed his elbows to the front supports of each arm of the chair, leaving his hands free, but the rest of him with limited motion. Kyo turned and winked at Die. "One moment," he requested politely, going to his bag and returning with a small bottle of lube and a handful of condoms. He settled on his knees behind Kaoru, taking off his sneakers, jeans, and underwear, all while looking at Die with a smile. "Do you mind being patient and just watching for a moment?"

Die made a sound when they parted, whimpering a little. He just watched though as Kyo tied Kaoru to the chair and then got himself completely naked. Die stared at him. He was like some kind of fucking god. He nodded, settling back and then working his boots off, setting them aside. Damn things hurt anyway.

More clothes came off, leaving them both naked. Kaoru hung his head, waiting. After a minute of eventless psychological torture, Kyo lubed up one hand and started to finger Kaoru's ass, which, despite his ability to take a lot, remained tight. He started with one finger, slow and shallow, then deep, then two teasing around his prostate, then three. Kaoru was sobbing in and out breaths, begging to be taken. Kyo looked at Die and winked, gesturing for the redhead to slide into the chair under his lover, where Kaoru's head would have nowhere else to go but Die's groin.

Die watched, aroused by the whole thing to the point that he was certain his pants were probably soaking wet from his excretions. Shivering a little, he watched when Kyo gestured for him to sit in the chair. But... he knew he couldn't remove his pants. No matter how much he wanted to, he didn't want Kyo to freak out at him. Maybe... he could just be odd and keep his pants on. He moved to the chair, slipping in between the furniture and Kaoru, still mostly clothed.

Kaoru nuzzled at Die affectionately and Kyo sighed, leaning forward over Kaoru's back and kissing Die's cheek. "It's okay, little girl," he said, lazily rocking two fingers in and out of Kaoru making him squirm. It wasn't judgmental, or joking, or cruel, or anything; it was just his way of letting Die know that he knew. He leaned back over Kaoru, whispering into the photographer's ear. "Suck your lover's cock and maybe I'll fuck you."

Die's eyes widened and he flushed brightly, squirming. "I... you... but..." well shit. Or... maybe not. Kyo didn't seem freaked out or mad. He made a little sound, biting his lip. "How?" he finally asked, wanting to know, wondering if he just smelled that much from his crotch or if Kyo was simply being... Kyo.

Kyo shrugged while Kaoru went to work opening Die's pants, struggling with the task with his elbows bound like they were. "The way you move your hips when you're aroused. Your perfect skin. I dunno, I just kind of figured."

Die shifted toward Kaoru, helping him out by being closer to him. Once he had his pants open, he pushed them down and tossed them aside with one foot. He watched Kyo, nodding a little. "Guess... I need to work on that," he murmured, referring to the way he moved his hips. He hesitated for a moment and then removed the packer, flushing as he settled it aside on the chair and then pushed the boxer briefs down as well. His clit was engorged, the large length of it making it more than obvious that he was taking hormones if Kyo hadn't figured it out yet. 

Kyo shrugged. "Anyone who sees you that horny had better be about to fuck you, anyway, and then they'd better know the reality of your, ah, situation." He leaned over Kaoru to observe the other's cock, intrigued, while Kaoru nuzzled his lover's groin, then took his lady dick into his mouth, sucking slowly.

He flushed a little, but nodded, understanding Kyo's point. After a moment, he pushed aside the rest of his shyness and removed his tank top as well, letting it fall to the floor. His scars were still there, pink and raised though not the angry red they had been. The cream he'd been using was working something close to miracles on him and he was glad for that.

His eyes were dark as he watched Kyo look at him. Then Kaoru's mouth closed around him and he let out a cry of pleasure that was somewhere between a sound a woman would make and a sound a man would make. One hand came to rest in Kaoru's hair, fingering the dark strands while his hips pushed up. His gaze flicked between Kyo and Kaoru and he moaned again between rasping breaths. "Oh yeah..." he let out, and then, "kimochi ii," knowing Kaoru liked the dirty talk in Japanese and wanting his lover to know he was definitely still thinking about him and not just their rockstar companion.

Kyo smirked. "Oh thank god," he commented in Japanese, "my English is awful, I didn't know if that was all you spoke." Kaoru chuckled around Die in his mouth, raising his head into the hand in his hair. Behind him, Kyo was rolling a condom on, staring at Die's chest. With his clean hand, he reached forward and smoothed the pad of one finger over a scar. "I admire your determination," he said plainly, pushing into Kaoru, which was a little difficult, making Kaoru scream, hands flexing.

Die's eyes sparkled and around a moan he managed to get out, "Ahnn... no... J-Japanese, too." A moment later, he arched more toward Kaoru, spreading his legs a little further, trying to get all he could from that talented mouth. He gasped when Kyo touched his scar, watching him with a somewhat shocked expression. And then Kaoru was screaming and Die arched more toward that finger that was touching him. He would have explained, would have told him he was just born in the wrong body, but it seemed more pertinent to focus on the sex for the time being. He watched Kyo's cock shove into Kaoru's ass with something that might have been envy. It was huge... so thick... and he suddenly wanted to be filled in every way possible. But instead of saying it, he just tried to urge Kaoru's head back down to sucking him.

Kaoru was shaking, obviously in some amount of pain. He resisted Die's urging for a moment, just pressed his face into his lover's thigh and tried to relax. Kyo waited, and then started to thrust slowly. His pace picked up, getting harsher and harsher, Kaoru having resumed his task on Die, moaning as the other's huge length slammed into him, jarring him forward over Die's dick.

Die felt bad when he realized that Kaoru was actually in pain. He stopped trying to force him immediately, blushing and just letting his hand stroke Kaoru's hair instead of trying to push his head. When he willingly went back to sucking on his dick, he moaned happily.

Kaoru sucked diligently, focusing more on pleasing his lover than being fucked as hard as he was. Kyo had him by the hips and was watching his cock proudly.

Die shivered and then moaned, his eyelids fluttering. His eyes slid over both of the men in front of him, taking in everything he possibly could. It didn't take him long before his back arched and he pushed Kaoru down harder, crying out loudly as he came for the first of what he hoped was many times today. The chair under him instantly became wet, some of his release dripping off into the floor. He was certain Kaoru had probably got a face-full of that.

Kaoru moaned, oddly fixated with Die's watery cum on his face, in his mouth. He sucked at the wet cunt a little. Kyo watched, brow raised, and pulled out of Kaoru, again crooking his finger at Die, summoning him over.

Die's cheeks flushed as he petted Kaoru's hair, biting his lip and slowly panting himself back toward normal. He sniffed a little and then looked when Kyo summoned him. Odd... but okay. He slipped out of the chair with a little difficulty and then knelt to kiss Kaoru harshly before trailing his fingers over the other's shoulder, moving to Kyo and tilting his head curiously at him.

Kaoru whimpered at the kiss, reduced to soft mewls of pleading, protesting the fact he was now empty. Kyo ignored him and scoot back on his knees, grabbing Die's wrist and maneuvering the redhead behind his lover, cupped against Die's back. "He's really stretched out from me," he purred in Die's ear. "Would you like me to help you try to penetrate him?"

Die gasped, being pulled down and then put between Kyo and Kaoru. He flushed at the question and then answered almost as if on autopilot, "But I don't have my strap-on," he murmured. Though, all the same, his body felt the thrill of having warmth from both in front of him and behind at the same time.

Kyo chuckled. "Hopefully you won't need it." He reached around Die's hip and rubbed a liberal amount of lube over him, then took the little dick between thumb and forefinger, nudging Die forward from behind and helping to slowly guide it into Kaoru's abused hole. Kaoru hung his head, sighing out, "Oh my god..."

Die gasped when Kyo touched him like that, when he helped him with pushing what he'd dubbed as his lady-dick into Kaoru's body. He shuddered and moaned, one hand resting on Kaoru's back, the other gripping Kyo's wrist. "F-fuck," he murmured.

Kyo chuckled and he moved his hand as Kaoru leaned back into Die, fitting his ass up against his lover's hips, making little noises in the back of his throat. The very idea that it was Die, in the flesh, inside him for the first time was overwhelming, his body trembling.

He pulled Kyo's hand up his abdomen, unwilling to let him go as he ground his hips against Kaoru. There wasn't really enough of him to thrust really well, but he did his best to at least flex his hips slightly. He let out a long moan, head falling back against Kyo's shoulder.

Kyo held onto Die, his other hand slowly starting to prod and stretch the redhead's ass. Kaoru whined and rolled his hips against Die.

Die let out a whimper when Kyo started playing with his ass, biting his lip as he continued to fuck Kaoru, utterly intrigued that he could do this. It was amazing, incredibly hot, and he appreciated Kyo having led him to do such a thing. He moved forward a little, shifting carefully and then reaching around to grasp Kaoru's dick, slowly starting to masturbate him. 

Kaoru moaned, throwing his long dark hair back. Kyo put two fingers in Die and growled in his ear, "Think you can take me?"

"I know I can," he panted out, squirming around a little, licking his lips and then forcefully shoving his hips against him a few times. So hot... and he was so horny... so very fucking horny.

Kyo gave a nod and fit himself against the other man's entrance, groaning and starting to push. From underneath Die, Kaoru gave a pathetic whine.

Die's body clenched and then he forced himself to try and relax, letting out a pained groan. He shuddered, a sharp throbbing starting in his pussy, making him cry out. "Oh god..." he bit out, "you're fucking _huge_."

Kyo grinned. "I know," he said cheekily. Kaoru growled at his cockiness. The blonde sank all the way in and started to thrust, slow and short, but deep.

Die's hand curled around Kaoru's cock again, stroking him off quickly. He moaned and just allowed Kyo's thrusts to push him in and out of his boyfriend's ass. Somewhere in his mind he was seriously celebrating, being able to use his own body to penetrate Kaoru _and _being taken by Kyo at the same fucking time. He was in heaven.__

__Kaoru moaned, climbing up to his peak. Kyo started thrusting faster._ _

__Die whined loudly, jerking Kaoru off faster. "Oh god... Kaoru... cum while I'm in you... oh please," he begged in Japanese._ _

__Kaoru moaned, pushing harder against Die, straining against the belts holding him. "God... Die!" He shook and started to spasm around his lover, cumming hard in Die's hand._ _

__Die cried out loudly when Kaoru started to cum, the feeling around him nothing like he'd actually imagined it would be. It was amazing... better, in fact. He shuddered harshly and then gasped out, "Harder," hoping Kyo would know he was talking to him._ _

__Kaoru sagged against the chair and Kyo grabbed Die's hips, slamming into him. He was hardly through saying, "Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum," when he was spilling into the condom between them._ _

__Die's cries filled the entire room as he strained, his back arching and his hips flexing as Kyo slammed into him. He could feel Kyo pulsing deep in his ass while he came. Die was close... so very close._ _

__Kyo stilled, panting loudly. Kaoru squeezed around his lover and starting humping back against him, trying to get him off. Die grasped Kaoru's hips, holding him tight enough to leave imprints of his fingers as he humped hard, grinding desperately. It wasn't long before he threw back his head, crying out, "Ii-iku!" More sticky, wet, warmth flooded down his thighs as he came, clinging to Kaoru and pretty much leaning back on Kyo._ _

__There was a silence punctuated with panting before Kaoru whimpered out, "My hands are asleep."_ _

__Die was almost immediate with action, leaning over his lover and reaching to start undoing Kaoru's hands. He nuzzled that shoulder and then, having released one of Kaoru's hands, he let out a laugh. "God... I never thought I'd end up in a Kaoru/Kyo sandwich as the meat." But he sounded damn happy for it._ _

__Kaoru chuckled, Kyo slipping out of Die and looking around for a trash can. Kaoru went limp when he was released, leaning into Die. "I didn't think I'd have -you- inside me so soon."_ _

__Die chuckled a little. "Me either..." he glanced back at Kyo as he moved to go throw the condom away. "Thank you, Kyo... I hadn't even thought it possible... I'd have never even tried." He flushed lightly, one arm around Kaoru as he kind of rested against him. He really hoped the vocalist wouldn't just leave. If nothing else, he could invite him for beer he supposed._ _

__Kaoru held his lover's hand, shaking. "God, that was amazing." Kyo laughed from across the room. "You two have a special bond. I'm glad to help."_ _

__Die shifted a little, making a face. "Fuck... I need a damn shower now." He stared down at the mess between his legs and grimaced a little. Sometimes he really wished he didn't squirt like that. It was hard to be discreet when you tended to soak whatever you were sitting on._ _

__The comment made him smile, his arm tighter around Kaoru for a moment before he stood, finally grabbing his boxers and starting to mop himself up with them. He'd just go commando after and put the packer in one of Kaoru's bags. "I would normally think this a bit forward, but considering we just had sex... uh... maybe we could at least invite you for a drink?" He really hoped Kaoru wouldn't object, but he kind of wanted them both to know Kyo as more than just this person Kaoru saw once every few years. Maybe... as a friend. A friend... the thought echoed in his mind and he got stuck on it._ _

__Kaoru lay on the floor like a ragdoll. Kyo smirked. "I'm starving, actually."_ _

__Die finished mopping himself up and then moved to put his pants back on, fastening them up and then pulling on his boots and a moment later, his tank top. Then he held out his hand to Kaoru. "C'mon, love." He glanced back at Kyo. "Good, so am I." He looked back at his lover. "Kaoru?"_ _

__Kaoru groaned, just lying there. "In a minute." The singer laughed, getting clothed and putting his things back in his bag._ _

__Die laughed softly, shaking his head and then moving over to start putting away the snacks and whatnot. He figured he could touch that stuff and not get in trouble for doing something wrong. Kaoru shouldn't mind... he hoped._ _

__Kaoru didn't care about much just then. Slowly, he started pulling on his clothes and putting things away. Kyo sat down, watching them. "So are we doing dinner?" Kaoru gave a little nod, his hands still shaking. "Baby," he called, needing some affection. Bondage, even light, always made him feel used for some reason._ _

__Die looked up from where he'd been folding the chairs in the corner. Immediately, he could see that Kaoru was still trembling. Concern washed over him and he made his way over to Kaoru, pulling him into his arms. "You okay?"_ _

__Kaoru leaned into him, hugging against him. "Just hold me..."_ _

__He nodded, pulling him closer and pushing one hand into Kaoru's hair. He leaned his lips down, pressing them to Kaoru's ear and whispering, "What's wrong... please?" He really hoped something hadn't been done to upset him... he really did._ _

__Kyo stood up, ears perked. "He just needs some TLC. Even light bondage can put you in a weird place." Kaoru nodded, inexplicable tears lazily rolling down his cheeks as he pressed himself against his lover._ _

__Die looked up, feeling odd that Kyo had explained it to him when he knew he hadn't spoken that loud. Maybe those rumors weren't just rumors after all. It certainly seemed like it wasn't. Kyo's perception was deeper... more thorough than anyone he'd ever met. He shifted, moving to sit down against the wall, tugging Kaoru onto his lap and clutching him close, stroking his hair. "I... I've never..." he tried to explain, feeling kind of bad that he'd left Kaoru and started cleaning up, not having known he needed to do this. One hand moved to wipe Kaoru's tears while he looked toward Kyo a little helplessly, wordlessly begging the man to come and help as well._ _

__Kyo knelt and rubbed Kaoru's back, looking at Die. "It's alright. Not everyone needs aftercare, but Kaoru apparently does. Just let him know he's loved." The man in question, curled up in Die's lap, whimpered._ _

__The redhead nodded, tucking Kaoru's head against his neck and gently kissing the side of his face. "I love you, Kaoru," he murmured, taking Kyo's words at face value._ _

__Kaoru tucked himself against Die tightly, moaning happily at the words. Kyo smiled. "You two make me jealous..." Kaoru laughed a little, coming out of his weird funk, slowly crawling up out of Die's lap and quietly putting everything back in order. "So, do we want to go eat in little Tokyo?" he asked, packing away his camera. Kyo looked at Die, nodding emphatically._ _

__Die let Kaoru up when he finally moved, carefully getting up himself and then offering Kyo a hand as well. "Well, your dick makes me jealous... so we're even," he joked, trying to lighten the mood._ _

__When eating was brought up again, he noted the look from Kyo and then laughed. "Yeah, sure. I'll let you two figure it out since I've never been here in my life. I wouldn't even know where to start."_ _

__Kyo rolled his eyes. "Touched by the hand of God, what can I say?" Kaoru scoffed. "Come on, then. I can get to J-Town from here. We'll just pick a restaurant when we get there." He started turning off lights, bags slung over his shoulder._ _

__Die grabbed his boxers and his packer, wrapping the packer in the soiled material, quickly stuffing it in one of Kaoru's bags. Then he picked up his case of beer and the strawberry Fanta, folding the last chair and then taking a risky chance. He slung his free arm over Kyo's shoulder in a joking fashion. He would have made some smartass comment about the fact that God seemed to have spent more time touching Kyo's dick than anything else if he was just talking about height. But he couldn't really see a good reason to say it given that he found the rest of Kyo - even though it was a mere 5 feet 2 inches - very much attractive as well. His eyes fell on Kaoru's butt as he walked in front of them and he leaned in to whisper to Kyo, "Got a nice ass, doesn't he?" He could surely compliment his lover while he was at it... right?_ _

__Kyo looked surprised, then put his arm around Die's waist, following them to their rented car. "He definitely does." Kaoru threw a mock glare over his shoulder. "Stop talking about my ass."_ _

__Die stuck his tongue out at Kaoru. "No." Once at the car, Die kind of squeezed Kyo's shoulder a little and then released him to help put things in the trunk, carefully stowing away his beer. Then came the hard part. Did he let Kyo sit up front or put him in the back? It seemed to him that in the back was more left out and that that meant he should take it because Kyo was their guest. With that thought in mind, he rushed around, opened the front passenger door for Kyo. Then he went and opened the driver's side for Kaoru, pecking his lover on the cheek as he passed. And finally, he slipped into the back seat, closing the door and buckling up. There... problem solved. He mentally patted himself on the back._ _

__Kaoru watched him, brow cocked. Kyo clapped, his light youthfulness coming back after the commanding sexuality. "Aw, what a gentleman!"_ _

__Kaoru turned around in his seat and his eyes smoldered at his lover. "C'mere." It was obvious he wanted a proper kiss._ _

__Die smirked a bit from his seat, leaning as far forward as his seatbelt restraint would allow._ _

__Kaoru grabbed Die by the chin and kissed him soundly for a long moment, then pulled away, smiling softly, and started the car, heading toward Japan-town, also known around LA as Little Tokyo or J-Town. Kyo sat, looking mildly envious of the couple, his large hands in his lap._ _

__Die kissed him back and then settled back, peering toward Kyo. "Hey, we should all say something completely random about ourselves," after a moment, he added, "off record," for Kyo's benefit._ _

__Kaoru looked at Die in the rearview like he'd lost his mind, but Kyo immediately took the bait, reminding Kaoru again that this sea of creative force was really still just a kid. "Ooh! Me first! My thumbs are double jointed." He held both hands up and made the middle joint pop back and forth._ _

__"Gross," Kaoru deadpanned, thinking a moment. "Ummm... I dunno. Something Die doesn't know..." He pondered. "When I was in college, I went by just K. Most of my American friends still call me that, or Ka."_ _

__Die watched in fascination when Kyo did that with his thumbs. In response, he stuck his thumb out and showed Kyo that he had serious hitchhiker thumb. Sitting back, he squirmed a bit and then smiled at Kaoru's. "At least it wasn't KaKa," he replied, unable to help it._ _

__He cleared his throat a little and then thought about what to say. "I kind of want to get my clit pierced before my surgeries." There, that was sufficiently random._ _

__Kaoru's eyes bugged out. "What?!" Kyo chuckled excitedly. "Right on!"_ _

__Die flushed a bit and cleared his throat. "I'm a bit of a pain slut," he informed, squirming a little at the admission. "It just seems like a fascinating idea." Maybe it should have bothered him that Kyo was excited over it, but he instead thought it kind of awesome that he agreed._ _

__Kyo turned around in the seat, grinning ear to ear, showing his crooked, crowded teeth. "I'll get my dick done with you!"_ _

__"No," Kaoru stated flatly, like a parent, and then, "...only if I can get another tattoo."_ _

__Die looked kind of gleeful. "Deal." He shifted a little even just thinking about it. "Fuck... I'll even pay."_ _

__Kyo jumped in. "I think I make the most here, by far. _I'll_ pay. Food first, though." He nodded and looked around them, seeing they were driving by nothing but boutiques and hair salons. No restaurants yet. "So what would you get?" he asked, back on the tattoo subject._ _

__"Not sure. I want something, well, over my dick. I think that's hot." His eyes met Die s in the rearview mirror. "Any suggestions, baby?"_ _

__Die looked lost for a moment and then asked, "You want to tattoo your dick or above your dick?" One needle was one thing, a bazillion was a completely other._ _

__Kaoru winced at the very thought. "Above, definitely. Like right above my bush."_ _

__"Which you keep trimmed very nicely," Kyo threw in._ _

__"Thank you." Kaoru prompted again, "So what do you think I should get?"_ _

__Die chuckled at the trimmed very nicely part and then thought about it. "Well... definitely not something like a butterfly. I mean, you're not a girl." He smirked a little. "You could always put property of Daisuke." That was sarcasm._ _

__"Haha, very funny." He reached back and put a hand on Die's knee. "I was thinking something in the style of Dia de los Muertos, I love the colors. But less macabre, so no skulls. Turtle doves?"_ _

__Die tilted his head a little and then shrugged. "Works. Really it's your body, baby."_ _

__He squeezed Die's knee. "I know, but, hopefully, you're the one that's going to be looking at it for a good long while." He bit his lip and Kyo watched them, anticipating a hesitantly placed comment. "...I was actually sort of thinking... about doing something for you. Something symbolic." He shrugged, trying to play it off, realizing that sounded ridiculous. He often got the impression that, though he didn't doubt Die loved him, that he was far more infatuated with Die than Die was with him. But then again, eight months was not a very long time._ _

__Die's eyes widened a little bit at the admission and then he smiled softly, placing his hand over Kaoru's. "Then... let me think on it for a little bit. Though... lilies are nice."_ _

__Kaoru smiled, trying to hide how pleased he was that Die had responded favorably. Kyo wanted to call him out on it and tease him amiably, but lucky for Kaoru they had reached Japan-town and the older man was pulling up at a small Japanese restaurant. Kyo immediately slung off his seat belt and got out, going ahead of both of them excitedly, famished, to get a table._ _

__Die watched Kyo rushing toward the door and laughed softly to himself. "I think he's hungry after all the sex... don't blame him, I am, too." He got out then as well, waiting on Kaoru and then heading into the restaurant, looking pleased._ _

__Kaoru put a hand lightly on the small of Die's back as they walked in and over to the table where Kyo was already seated and ordering himself an iced green tea and gyoza as an appetizer. He sat down across from the blonde, throwing in his own order quickly of tea and edamame._ _

__Die settled down next to Kaoru, immediately leaning on the table and flipping through the menu. "Ooo, this Mandarin Spice Iced Tea, please," he announced happily at the waitress. She asked if he wanted an appetizer and he shook his head negative, flipping through the menu still, looking for what he wanted._ _

__Kaoru slipped his arm over the back of Die's chair, fingers playing along his back. Kyo pouted. "Alright, now you're showing off."_ _

__Kaoru blinked. "What do you mean?"_ _

__The blonde pursed his lips with a little shrug. "I can get laid anytime I want, it's a gift, really, but... every time I try to date somebody, they always shy away. I work too much, I'm too wild, they don't think I'll be faithful..." His mud colored eyes stared down at the table. "I've never actually had a boyfriend."_ _

__Die stared at Kyo for a long moment before he slid his free hand across the table, taking Kyo's hand in his own and squeezing it. "Don't feel too bad, Kyo... please." His voice was soft... quiet. "I've never had a real relationship until Kaoru to be honest. Things... have a way of working out how they're supposed to, I think. Like me meeting you... I hope that it's life showing me I can actually have friends." He wasn't sure if that was too far or not, too much of an assumption, but he wanted Kyo to know that he didn't just want to fuck and run. And he had a feeling that Kaoru didn't want that either. He leaned into Kaoru's touch at the same time, wanting to make sure no one's feelings got hurt._ _

__Kyo squeezed Die's hand back and then put his hand in his lap, seeing a little jealousy flash in Kaoru's eyes, wanting to laugh at it. He could see easily that a sexual fling they shared together was alright with Kaoru, but anything more was unacceptable. Friendship, however, was safe. Kaoru squeezed the back of Die's neck. "You do need to make friends... I worry about you when I'm busy and don't get to see you."_ _

__Die tried giving Kyo a soft smile before he pulled his hand back. He nodded a little. "It's hard... especially when I'm still transitioning. A lot of people can't wrap their minds around it. Like the other day at the office, I guess someone ran across a picture of me from years ago, before I started the binding, and they sent it mass email to everyone." He winced. "I thought I was going to have to quit, but my boss held a meeting instead and told anyone who had a problem with me to leave because I was a more valuable part of the team than they were." Another wince and a shake of his head._ _

__Kaoru bristled visibly. Die had not yet really seen the proof of it, but Kaoru had a violent temper when pushed. "What? Why didn't you tell me?"_ _

__Kyo's brows knit. "What a dick."_ _

__Die shrugged a little. "I already burden you so much... with the surgeries and everything. And it was dealt with." He put one hand on Kaoru's leg and squeezed it under the table. "My point though is that people aren't as accepting as they seem to be, so it's difficult to know who to trust." He nodded toward Kyo. "I'm sure there's people you can't trust because they'd blab everything to the world when you told them things in confidence... right?" And then directed at Kaoru. "And what if everyone you know found out that I'm not exactly the man they think I am? Wouldn't part of them freak out at you over it?" The world was a cruel place and he hated pointing it out so bluntly, but it only proved why he had so much trouble finding friends._ _

__Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die and kissed his temple. "I know... but still. And you don't burden me."_ _

__Kyo sat with his hands on either side of him on the chair, tossing his hair over his shoulder. "I am cautious, but mostly for my agent's sake. She tries to keep my shit under wraps, not because I care, I mean, I don't give a fuck what people think about me honestly, but she tries to make sure I stay private and still sell. I mean, my management and everything are all Americans and Brits. No one in Japan will actually risk signing me, so it's pretty weird being in my home market technically as an import." He laughed a little. "I'm sort of proud of it, I like knowing people see me as controversial."_ _

__To Die, Kyo was something of an enigma. He was so... confident. Maybe it was that and maybe it wasn't. But to be able to just brush off what everyone said, he couldn't even imagine being able to do that. He bit his lip a little and thought about it. Their drinks arrived and the waitress asked for their orders. Die quietly ordered ginger chicken and jasmine rice._ _

__Kyo and Kaoru both ordered kitsune udon, looking at each other and laughing, finding it funny they both preferred something so simple. The waitress returned with the appetizers, Kyo pushing the plate of gyoza to the center of the table to share. Kaoru put his plate of salted edamame next to it, sucking the beans from the fuzzy pod and putting the empty husk on a separate plate._ _

__Die was glad that the interruption kind of pulled them from the tender topic he'd managed to steer them into. He didn't like that certain things in his life tended to make things around him sort of strained. He sipped on his tea, quiet for the time being, watching the other two. After a few moments, he crossed one slim leg over the other and settled back a bit in his chair._ _

__Kaoru moved his arm from the back of the chair to Die's shoulders, playing with his hair. "I miss it long, sometimes," he said with a smile._ _

__Kyo sucked at his straw, eyes flickering between the two of them. "How long was it?"_ _

__"Past his ass, it was gorgeous." Kyo's eyes widened in surprise, trying to imagine Die with that much hair. Kaoru smirked. "Now he's my manly man, though."_ _

__Die blushed a little and then licked his lips, finally reaching and getting one piece of the gyoza. He pulled out his phone and brought up a picture, pushing the phone across the table to Kyo. It was one with his brother where he was wearing a girly shirt and hadn't been bound. It was kind of embarrassing, but a good illustration of his old hair nonetheless. "It gets so hard to manage when it's that long."_ _

__"Holy shit!" Kyo picked up the phone to look at it more closely, and then, in a slightly silly voice, "You were one sexy lady."_ _

__Die's cheeks burned a little and he ducked his head. "Yeah... right... imagine me in a dress and be careful you don't die from laughter." He gave a lopsided grin and shook his head. "Everyone used to make fun of me in my school uniform. I looked like an awkward boy with boobs."_ _

__"That's because you were," Kaoru said with a smirk. Kyo gave Die back his phone. "So how does that work out?" Kyo directed the question towards Kaoru. "Are you bisexual?" Kaoru nearly spit out his tea. "Ah, no. It's just for Die. Sort of. I mean, he's still a man to me. Though... ever since he had his top surgery, I've found myself staring at women's boobs."_ _

__Die snorted, nodding and then taking his phone back and stuffing it in his pocket. At the question, he looked over at Kaoru and waited on an answer. "Kaoru!" he laughed and shook his head before going quiet and then admitting softly, "You know, sometimes I forget in the morning and start binding. It's been habit for so long...."_ _

__Kaoru blushed and rubbed Die's knee. After a moment, Kyo started up a different strain of conversation. "So what do you guys think of marriage?" It was California, after all, where there was constant bickering over same-sex union._ _

__Kaoru shrugged. "I like the idea of it. I grew up watching my parents, who are the most amazing couple I've ever seen. My dad's first wife was an arranged marriage. She worked in a factory and died in a machine accident and they didn't have any children. So my dad's pushing forty, and his secretary retires and this 18 year old take-no-shit gorgeous woman gets hired to take her place. My mom, of course. They immediately fell in love, which was such a scandal, but they're nuts for each other, live for each other. I always wanted what they have. I've never been a casual dater, I always stay with the people I can actually have some real emotional investment in. Shit, my last boyfriend and I were seriously talking about adopting a child together before we fell apart." He shrugged noncommittally._ _

__Die listened to Kaoru for a minute and then took up playing with his chopsticks. "It's a hard one for me. Not that I disagree with anyone getting married or anything. It's just... I guess I don't understand why everyone feels the need to bicker. It's no one else's business who I'm with or what gender they are. You know?"_ _

__Kyo nodded. "Well of course, yeah, but I meant more, like, what do you think about marriage just as a commitment? Like, could you ever see yourself getting married?" Kaoru was blushing, feeling where Kyo was going with this. The blonde persisted. "Obviously, Kaoru's the type that wants a long term commitment if he's going to be exclusive with someone. How about you? What are you like? I mean, I know you said this is your first relationship, but everybody has like, that idea of what they would want from someone else in their life. As much as I would love to have a boyfriend, I know right now in my life I don't want anything really serious."_ _

__Die shifted a little, finally plucking up another piece of gyoza and chewing on it. Once he'd swallowed and taken a sip of his tea, he cleared his throat and spoke up. "As a child, I used to see myself growing old with a cat or something... alone. I knew I wasn't like the other kids and I guess I tried to make myself accept that from an early age... that I wouldn't get what they did." He shrugged a bit and then leaned forward, resting on the table. "But now... I have more hope with Kaoru. I realized there really are people who don't cast judgment on me out there... at least not after they see who I really am. I don't have a problem with commitment, but I think holding a wedding would be... awkward."_ _

__Kyo frowned at the first bit, the idea of a child dreaming of being alone for the rest of their life making him feel slightly uneasy, but also inspired. Kaoru listened silently, face turned away a bit bashfully._ _

__Die nudged Kaoru in the side. "I mean... seriously... who'd wear the dress?" He was joking now, but he hoped to get a laugh._ _

__Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Me, duh." Kyo laughed. Kaoru smirked and pushed on, showing him the photo some months back of he and Die in the restaurant with Kaoru dressed as a woman. Kyo's jaw dropped. Kaoru simply shrugged. "I do drag. Nothing super serious, just for fun."_ _

__An evil smile crossed Kyo's lips. "Mm... I might have to drag you two with me as dates the next time I get swindled into doing some industry party. You can be my boyfriend," he pointed at Die, "and you can be my girlfriend," then at Kaoru. The older man just rolled his eyes, smiling._ _

__Die smirked and stretched out, looking cocky for a moment. It wasn't often he got to do that. "Aww yeah, I could get in line with that. Make some stodgy industry party kickin'." He laughed then, shaking his head._ _

__Kaoru rolled his eyes. Kyo winked at Die when the other wasn't looking to let him know he'd try to make it happen. The waitress ghosted in with a quiet smile and set their food in front of them. Kyo picked up his chopsticks and started slurping noodles. "So, there's this crazy thing I've noticed with immigrants, maybe you guys can explain it to me... did either of you ever get American names?"_ _

__Kaoru laughed. "I don't know what the fuck that is all about. I hate it. My parents got so pissed when the visa worker suggested they adopt Western names to blend in. I was fifteen, groggy, had just stepped off the plane into America for the first time and my mother cussed this man up and down in the sweetest voice in Japanese and my father goes, 'Ah, excuse my wife, she does not know much English. She was just thanking you humbly for helping us adjust to our new home.'"_ _

__Die mixed his rice, meat, and veggies and then shoved some into his mouth, making a contented sound around it. Swallowing, he shook his head. "I was born here. My last name is Andou, so... I guess maybe immigration could pronounce it and didn't try to make my parents change it? I dunno though, my parents were never really forthcoming on things like that. Buuut," he stretched the word out, "I did take up Die because people couldn't pronounce Daisuke, so I guess that's kind of the same thing, right?"_ _

__Kyo shrugged. "It's still technically Japanese. You didn't go with David or some such crap." Kaoru shuddered. "Ugh, not acceptable. All of Seung's friends called him Steven. I couldn't stand it."_ _

__Die screwed up his nose. "But that doesn't even sound like it... I mean, at least do something like shorten it. You know?"_ _

__Kaoru sucked some more beans out of an edamame pod. "Nn... true." The waitress came over to refill their glasses. Kyo thanked her, then turned back to them. "So... are we seriously about to go find a tattoo and piercing parlor?"_ _

__Die grinned. "I'm game. I mean... I don't see why not."_ _

__Kaoru sighed. "Fine. I'll look up a parlor when we finish eating." He looked at Die, pulling apart the fried tofu in his soup. "You realize I can't suck you off for a while if you pierce your dick. Not to mention, we can't have sex for maybe two or three weeks after your surgery. So, these are our last few days of fucking for a while."_ _

__Kyo laughed. "Glad I could get in on that."_ _

__Die squirmed a little and then bit his lip. "As long as you're willing to do other things, I'll be fine. It's not like the rest of down there isn't... sensitive." He glanced at Kyo and shook his head. "Really, thrilling... trust me."_ _

__Kaoru cocked a brow. "Sugar, they're removing organs. For the first week, having an orgasm would actually be painful." He closed his eyes. "Ugh. I unfortunately know this from my mother, who shared that fact with me in detail because she was doped up on pain killers."_ _

__Die scrunched his nose. "I meant until the surgery... I mean we have two days still." He bit his lip a little, blushing as he glanced at Kyo and then at Kaoru. "I'm kinda glad my mother never decided to tell me such things."_ _

__Kaoru gave him a lusty grin. "Oh, I intend to stock up on sex over the next few days." Kyo laughed at them._ _

__"So do you guys have straight sex?" He asked it completely seriously. Kaoru turned bright red, then after a moment, nodded. Kyo snickered. "That's kinda hot."_ _

__Die flushed when Kyo asked about the straight sex. He bit his lip and looked at his plate, pushing the food around while Kaoru answered. When Kyo said it was kinda hot, he looked up at him, thinking that was an odd response. Somehow having two men in one room that didn't mind him being what he was really felt amazing. He licked his lips a little and allowed himself a fantasy for a few moments, a far off look in his eyes._ _

__Kaoru finished his soup and nudged Die, noticing his daze. "What'cha thinkin' about?"_ _

__Die gasped at the nudge and then turned a rather bright shade of red. "Uh... nothing really," he looked sheepish. In truth, he'd been fantasizing about how it would feel to have a cock in each of his holes at once. But that was just a foolish fantasy and nothing more. No reason anyone had to know he was perving again. He popped some food into his mouth and then swallowed, muttering, "Stupid testosterone."_ _

__Kaoru snickered and leaned in to kiss Die's cheek, explaining shortly to Kyo, "The hormones make him a total sex freak." The blonde smirked. Kaoru sat back in his chair and pulled out his phone, doing a search for local tattoo parlors with piercers, as well, pulling up the portfolios of some of the artists. "There's some good artists at this place not far from here. Wanna check it out?" He showed Die a photo of a Dia de los Muertos skull in filigree detail and bold color._ _

__Die blushed even more, ducking his head. "Just not used to it yet I guess...." He bit his lip shortly and then shoveled in some food for a few minutes. When Kaoru showed him the photo, he smiled and nodded. It looked nice._ _

__Kaoru gave a nod and set his phone down, waiting for them to finish eating. After a moment, Kyo's pants started to vibrate. He pulled out his phone and winced. "Shit, it's my agent..." Flipping it open he chortled," Jessica, darling, how are you?" From the phone a loud, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE MIDGET SHIT?!" was heard. Kyo blinked, unfazed. "Oh, the journalist today was an old friend, we're at dinner... Well I haven't got anything else to do today... Yes I know I'm doing a signing. Yes I know there's a gig in two days, in San Diego. No, I'm not jumping ship. It's my day off!" The angry female voice persisted, but Kyo pressed on in a sweet voice. "Oh, I knew you'd understand, yes, I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning, mwah! Ta ta, darling." He closed the phone and made a frustrated face. "If she wasn't so useful, I'd get rid of that bitch. With a knife."_ _

__Die startled visibly at the screaming from the other side of the phone. He looked rather horrified, more so when Kyo didn't stand up for himself. Once he'd hung up and said he'd get rid of her if she wasn't so useful, Die glowered. "Her comment was a little uncalled for, don't you think?" It wasn't that he was all that close to Kyo or anything, it was just that he didn't like other people putting up with the same shit he'd had to for so long._ _

__The blonde shrugged. "She meant it lovingly. I was supposed to call my driver at least an hour ago." He played with the ends of his hair, flipping it over his shoulder, unconcerned. Kaoru, opposite to his lover, was nearly in tears laughing at how Kyo had composed himself, completely ignoring what was obviously demands to return to his hotel or inform Jessica of his whereabouts. He wiped a tear away, smiling. "I hope we won't get charged with kidnapping."_ _

__Die nodded and then looked at Kaoru, kind of concerned that he was crying. But then he was smiling... and Die just wrote it off as one of those moments where Kaoru reminded him of himself a few years ago. He finished half of his meal and then sat back, re-crossing his legs and then sighing softly. "You have a million times more patience than me."_ _

__Kyo shrugged. "I just don't let shit get to me. There are more important things to get angry about than my agent having an aneurism because I'm not within arm's reach of her every second." The waitress came with the check and he handed her his credit card. Kaoru bowed his head informally. "Thank you." Kyo waved it off, smiling._ _

__He nodded. "That must actually kind of get annoying... feels like having your mother breathing down your throat after you got out of that one probably." He laughed and then shook his head a little. When Kyo handed over his card to pay the bill, Die mirrored Kaoru's thank you, feeling somehow all kinds of special._ _

__The receipt and card were returned and Kyo signed a copy, then put his card away. "So... on to permanently modify our bodies?" Kaoru gave a single nod and stood, holding out his hand for Die._ _

__Die requested a box for the leftovers on his plate, quickly shoveled them in and then got a pair of chopsticks to go as well. He nodded, smiling as he stood up, holding Kaoru's hand. "Indeed!"_ _


	20. Chapter 19

Kyo went out to the car, insisting he take the back seat this time, and Kaoru pulled up directions to the chosen parlor, hoping that since it was a weekday, they would have no issues being walk-ins. Kyo leaned up between the seats. "Hey Die, so what do you want your boyfriend to get?" He was grinning conspiratorially, having rather liked the Property of Daisuke idea.

Die didn't argue with sitting in the front since Kyo had insisted on it. When Kyo leaned forward and asked him, he laughed. "Well, I think lilies would be kind of nice still. Something to incorporate into the kind of design he wants, you know?" He glanced at Kaoru.

Kaoru gave a little nod. "Maybe a turtledove and a bouquet of lilies butted up against each other, like that?" He took his hands off the wheel for a moment and put the heels of his hands together in a wide V. "What's the significance with lilies for you?" he asked with a curious smile.

Die shrugged a little at the last part. "My favorite flower... they smell nice and I'm not allergic."

Kaoru nodded, satisfied with that answer. Kyo leaned back in the seat and pulled his jeans out at the waist to peer into them at his penis. "Where exactly should I get my junk done?" he wondered aloud.

Die was looking back when Kyo pulled his pants out and he flushed, looking away like he wasn't supposed to be seeing what he was. "Dydoe piercings are cool looking..." he offered, "and I've heard you can still jerk off while they're healing, since they're on the sides of the head."

Kyo blinked innocently. "Explain." Kaoru was pretending not to listen, phantom pains insisting themselves upon him.

"It's piercings on either side of your head. Like..." he made a frustrated sound, not having a penis to demonstrate on. Finally, he just made a determined face and leaned back, motioning for Kyo to show him. "Fuck it, I'll just show you where." He wouldn't touch, just point.

Kyo pulled his dick out, not even hesitating, waiting to be shown. Kaoru rolled his eyes at his lover and the singer, like two perverted brothers, or intelligent versions of frat boys.

Die shifted, moving himself so he could touch the air about half an inch from Kyo's dick. He pointed at one side of the head and then at the other. "The bars would go there and there," he made about an inch gap of air between his fingers and then held it out just above where the head ended the shaft began, overlapping both sides a little. "It'd go through like this." He then smirked a bit. "Like little eyeballs for your trouser snake." He hoped that would get a laugh.

Kyo looked a little terrified. "Oh my god, that sounds like that would be so painful to fuck with; like it might pull." He shielded his dick like a mother might cover a child's ears in the presence of profanity. "It would look cool, though..."

"Well... to be honest, with any dick piercings," he paused, "from what I've read," another pause and then," you'll probably have to always use a condom. It helps things not get... stuck... or pull." He was still kind of turned around in his seat, head tilted. "Or there's always like... a Jacob's Ladder."

Kyo looked crestfallen, then perked up. "Ooh, I like those! I could get it more at the base, so I wouldn't have so many issues."

He smiled, leaning his head against the seat. "There's always the option too once it's healed of taking it out for sex... though that would kind of defeat the purpose, yeah?"

"Exactly!" Kyo seemed decided, which was lucky considering Kaoru was pulling up in front of a tattoo parlor with neon aglow. He got out and waited for the two of them before going in and stepping up to a skin-head guy of about thirty with kind blue eyes and a tattoo across his throat that read 'unimpressive' . He smiled and informed him that the artist he preferred, a young woman by the name of Zarina, was available and that he would go and get her, but he stayed at the desk, looking imploringly at the two other men behind him. Kaoru jerked his thumbs back at them. "Oh, and these two geniuses want to get their junk pierced."

Die kind of leaned on him once he'd been announced as wanting his junk pierced. Only then did it hit him that he'd had to admit to being a girl in order to get this right. He paled a little. Maybe the guys would save him having to say it.

Unimpressive nodded and went to retrieve Zarina, also sending up a female piercer to talk to Kyo and Die about what they wanted. She came out with short pink hair and piercings in the dimples of her smiles, announcing enthusiastically to the otherwise empty parlor, "I heard somebody's interested in genital piercings!" Kyo stepped forward, putting a hand on Die. "Yeah, us." She nodded and asked Kyo what piercing specifically he was interested in, nodding when he told her he wanted two speed bumps , he said the slang with a grin, at his base, on top, rather than at the back. He showed no bashfulness whatsoever. The piercer, Tess, blinked interestedly at Die. "And you?"

Die listened to Kyo, intrigued he'd decided on the top rather than the bottom. Easier to clean for sure, though. When she asked him what he wanted, he wet his lips nervously and then shifted. "I.. um..." well hell, how did he say this? Finally, he clutched his pants tightly and muttered, "Iwantmyclitpierced." It was all one wall of words and she'd be lucky to understand him.

Tess looked confused, then figured out the words, and looked confused again. Finally realization hit her. "Oh! Ooohhh! Gotcha. Sorry. Right. Well, then that depends on how, ah, much more surface area you've got on where I can pierce you." She grinned a little. "I did this guy once with a vertical clit hood and it sort of looked like a Prince Albert."

He nodded, thinking to himself that he had plenty of surface area to work with. His eyes fell on a display though, a vagina with all kinds of piercings on it and he finally moved toward it, picking it up and looking at it. He tilted his head and then motioned Kaoru and Kyo over, pointing at a triangle piercing. "What do you think?"

Kyo nodded encouragingly, but Kaoru just kind of shuddered. "Whatever you like, baby. I can't think about it too much, piercings sort of wig me out."

Die smirked at Kaoru. "Got it, leave you in the tattoo room while we do this." He laughed and then kind of poked at the piercing model for a minute. Shrugging, he motioned at the piercer. "Can we see if I'm suitable for this one?" It seemed less painful than a piercing actually _on_ his clit.

"Sure! Do you guys wanna get pierced together? I can get Caleb to pierce one of you while I'm doing the other." Kaoru laughed, clapping a hand over both their shoulders. "Go have your male bonding." He looked to Tess. "Would you help them find me once they're done?" She nodded and then led Die and Kyo to a room at the back. "Alright, just hop up on the table and open your pants for me and we'll see if you've got the space for it." She pulled a pair of gloves from a box and pulled them on.

Die glanced at Kyo, seeing if he minded then thinking it could kinda be fun. At least they could squeeze the shit out of each other's hands if nothing else. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Kaoru's cheek before bouncing off with Kyo and Tess. Once in the room, he nodded and carefully undid his pants, pushing them down and folding them, putting them aside before sitting on the table, waiting.

Tess came over and prodded around, lifting Die's little cock at its base to ensure it would move to make space for the bar. She gave a little nod. "You're good. Yours would be sixty," she pointed to Kyo, "and yours would be a hundred. Should I go get another piercer and the paperwork?" Kyo looked at Die, giving a hesitant nod and a shrug in question of his approval.

Die nodded. "That's fine," he replied squirming a little at the touch. Once she'd left to get the paperwork, Die flopped back. "Fuck... dude... what if I like... cum or something?"

Kyo laughed, a peculiar little chuckle. "I will laugh my ass off." Tess returned with another piercer, Caleb, who had giant green eyes that made Kyo melt. "I've got a thing for white boys," he hissed out of his mouth in Japanese. The two piercers paired off and filled out paperwork and took IDs, Caleb with Kyo, Tess with Die, and finally started setting up needles and jewelry, making casual chitchat with the two of them, finding it funny they had just met under such odd circumstances, which Kyo condensed to himself being a singer interviewed by Die's boyfriend and explaining they had just really hit it off.

Die handed over everything that was needed, not talking as much as listening except the occasional comment when he was needed to. He looked nervous as all hell.

Tess noticed and rubbed his shoulder. "Relax. You're gonna faint on me if you don't chill out." Caleb was cleaning Kyo's dick with professional indiscretion and Kyo looked at his dick like he was going to cut it off and beat the shit out of it if it started getting hard. The green eyed piercer didn't notice, going about readying everything for the piercing and putting on his gloves while Tess cleaned Die with a little soap and water, waiting for her so they could pierce them both at the same time. Tess snapped on a fresh pair of gloves and grabbed her clamps. "Alright. Ready, guys?"

Die nodded, trying to relax while he was cleaned. When Tess asked if they were ready, Die reached across the small space between the two chairs for Kyo's hand. Then he closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. 

Kyo clutched Die's hand and squeaked when clamps were put on his dick to press the skin from one side of the near future piercing to the other. Tess did the same to Die's clit, grasping the needle in another. She dictated while Caleb poised a needle on Kyo. "Okay, boys, I want you both to take a big breath and let it out slow as I count to three. Ready? One, two..." both needles slid through and Kyo's slow breath turned into a startled squawk.

Die's fingers tightened around Kyo's hand and he tried to do exactly what he was told. Where Kyo simply squawked, Die's eyes teared up and he let out a string of curses, "Fuck, shit, goddamn, mother fucking WHORE!" His free hand fisted and he hit the side of the sturdy table with a loud hiss. Of course, after the outburst, he just laid there, tears running down his face while he tried to breathe.

Tess tried desperately not to laugh, moving to push the jewelry through. "You okay?" Kyo moaned as the other needle slid through for him, Caleb's soft voice talking him through it, then sliding in the jewelry. The blonde was shaking, and half hard.

Die gave a little nod, trying not to squirm at all though he felt desperately like he wanted to. "Yeah...." His PC muscles flexed and it was only then that he realized he was sopping wet. He opened one eye and peered over at Kyo, seeing that he was half hard and he didn't feel so bad anymore. His fingers squeezed on the vocalist's while he continued to breathe carefully.

Tess blinked. "Well... this has never happened before." She tried to act professional. "Good thing we disinfect, anyway." Kyo panted, looking over. "Aw, shit." He looked at Tess and pulled a handful of twenties from his pocket. "Here's forty, and another hundred. Go down the street to that hippy shop and buy him some wrap pants." Caleb was bright pink. Tess nodded and took off her gloves, then took the money, looking at Die. "I'll be right back!" She ran off and Caleb helped Kyo slowly put himself back in his pants, then grabbed a bunch of napkins for Die, handing them to him. "Don't worry," he had a quiet, soft voice and light brown hair that hung in his face, "lots of girls cum when they get their clit pierced, gushing is a new one, though." He turned pale, then pink. "I didn't mean girl, I meant-" He shut his mouth. "Sorry..." With a sigh, he started to clean up everything from the piercings. "Well this is the most awkward day ever."

The dull throbbing ache came into play and Die blushed, watching Kyo pay extra to get him some new pants. He looked kind of mortified the entire time while Tess left and Caleb came over with some napkins. Die carefully sat up, moving and starting to clean up, trembling a little. "It's fine," he replied quietly. "Particularly with," he gestured at his lower half, "everything hanging out, I expect the mind to go to girl." He couldn't blame them... especially after that.

After cleaning up himself, Die started to clean up the table, at least getting his wetness off of it. He glanced over at Kyo and then at the floor. "I... I'll pay you back at the hotel... if you come with us. Yeah?"

Kyo shrugged it off. "Don't worry about it." Then, when the piercer's back was turned, he mouthed to Die, "He is so cute!" and pouted. Tess was back fast, handing Kyo the change from the forty, which he refused, and Die a bag with red linen wrap pants in it. "We'll clean up, don't worry." Kyo handed Caleb his credit card to pay for the piercings and the boy left, Tess pretending to wash her hands to give Die some privacy while he changed pants.

Die kind of regretted having put his pants where he had. Folded at the end of the table hadn't been such a great idea after all. At least he knew woman cum washed out well enough. He put on the new pants, doing them up and then moving over to Kyo, hugging him briefly, murmuring, "Thank you."

Kyo hugged him back, briefly. "Sure thing." Tess sort of ushered them out of the room. "I'll clean up, don't worry. Your boy's in booth C with Zarina, I think she just started." It had been about forty-five minutes since they'd gone into the room. Kyo told Die to go on and he went to the front to sign for his card and flirt more with Caleb.

Die smiled, going to where Kaoru was, slipping in with a soft knock, holding his old pants in the bag the new ones had come in. He was sure Kaoru would probably guess what had happened. He went to a chair sitting up by Kaoru's head and gingerly settled down with a wince. "Hey, Kao."

Kaoru was laid out in the reclining tattoo chair with a drop dead gorgeous blonde inking out the black outline of a delicately designed Mexican-inspired turtledove with three lilies laid in one direction on the other side, just above his pubic hair, which stuck out of his jeans, slightly, pulled down. She looked up and gave Die a little smile before going back to work. Kaoru had had his eyes closed and then opened them. "Hey, baby. How'd it go?" He was in an odd, quiet meditative state to try and just accept the pain from the buzzing needle.

Die looked down, watching the tattooing for a moment before paying more attention to Kaoru's pulled-down pants. Shifting to look back up at his face, he smiled softly. "Fine... I uh... well... needed new pants after," he commented, tugging on the new pants Kyo had purchased him. "And Kyo got a boner." He was such a tattle-tale. 

"Oh lord..." There was a little snicker from Zarina, who otherwise pretended not to have heard. Kaoru lifted a hand and reached for one of Die's. "Awww, I'm sorry, baby."

Die blushed but laughed anyway. "He's flirting with the dude that pierced him." He glanced at the door, amused. "You know, Kao... I really think he's a sweet guy. I guess I hadn't expected that... him being a rockstar and all." He held onto Kaoru's hand, thumb stroking over the flesh gently. Then he lifted it and placed a soft kiss to his hand. "Everything means so much to me... to have you, for you to have done all of this for me and with me... to have made what I hope will be a good friend." For a moment he was almost overcome with tears, sniffing a little as he squeezed that hand in his own.

Kaoru smiled. "He is sweet. The music is just part of him. I get the impression he's sort of adopted you as a big brother, already." He squeezed Die's hand when he kissed it. "I'd be much sweeter if she wasn't jabbing needles into one of my most ticklish spots right now." He tried to smile around a wince.

Die laughed and shook his head. "You're fine, Kaoru." Then he tilted his head. "Do you mind me calling you Kao? I didn't even ask."

Kaoru made a slight shrug. "It kind of reminds me of cows, like the beef variety, but whatever." He laughed. "Dude... that's kinda funny." Grinning, he leaned down toward him and kissed his cheek. "Just tell me what you'd prefer, baby." Zarina worked fast, finishing the outline and moving onto color, using bold azure, jewel green, bright scarlet, cadmium, and white against what she called his 'cafe-au-lait with extra milk' skin. "I'd do negative space, but I think using white will work better." Kaoru nodded, trusting her judgment.

 

Kaoru stroked Die's hand with his thumb. "You can call me Ka, if you want. I kinda like that one." He winced as Zarina started in on a particularly sensitive spot.

Die nodded in agreement, crossing his legs one over the other. "Will do." He squeezed his hand again. "Hurts?"

Kaoru grit his teeth, nodding. Zarina clucked her tongue. "Almost done, sugar." Kaoru huffed through his nose. Kyo came in, dreamy-eyed, sidling up next to Die. "Ah, that boy is precious." He was obviously talking about green-eyed Caleb.

Die smirked at him. "Is he batting for the right team?" While he asked the question, he squeezed Kaoru's hand, trying to let him know he could take the pain that way if he wanted to. Kaoru just stroked his fingers. 

Kyo shrugged. "I don't care. I'd suck his dick."

His grin just increased. "I'd pay to see that," he commented, half-joking.

Kyo sighed. "I gave him my number and told him to come to my show in San Diego. I don't think he will." Kaoru rolled his eyes at both of them, muttering, "boys," under his breath.

"He'd be an idiot not to. If..." he trailed off, blushing faintly.

Kaoru was fighting off another flair of pain. Kyo blinked innocently. "If what?"

"Nothing," he replied softly before giving Kaoru a concerned look. 

Kyo put his back to Die's side, whispering, "I speak four other languages. What else do you know?" He could tell Die didn't want Kaoru to hear.

"Japanese and some Dutch... as odd as that is," he muttered back. His fingers squeezed Kaoru's and again he leaned down to kiss his knuckles.

Kyo nodded, trying in German, "So what was that if?" Kaoru purred at the kiss, looking at them with a smile. "What are you two whispering about?" he teased, figuring they didn't want Zarina hearing Kyo talk about one of her co-workers.

Die glanced first at Kyo and then at Kaoru. "We're being 'boys' again," he informed, because it was true. Then looking at Kyo, he replied in German, though mumbling "If... if it were me, I wouldn't be so dumb as to not take you up on it. I mean... I have my baby, but you know... hypothetically speaking... if I were single." And then he shut up, blushing something awful. "I keep talking and I should just be quiet, shouldn't I?"

Kyo's eyes sparked, replying again in German, "Only if you actually love him. If he's just fun..." He shrugged, not able to help himself but be devious. The blonde then caught himself, looking at Kaoru. "But silence is golden."

Die squeezed Kaoru's hand again. "I do love him... but, you know... I can't say I'd mind a little more threesome action if you're ever up for it again." His pink tongue darted out, swiping over his lower lip.

Kyo nodded. "That depends on him, he's kind of the jealous type." Kaoru was watching them curiously. Kyo shrugged. "I don't mind a friend, though. I hardly have anyone to just talk to anymore."

"Yeah, it's true," he murmured, but then beamed at the last part. "You're so... easy to get along with. And you already know my biggest secret." He smirked. "Friendship forever!" He held up his hand for a high-five like the childish little idiot he was at that moment.

Kyo looked at him funny for a moment, then gave him a high-five. Zarina wiped down Kaoru's tattoo, finished. "All done," she announced. Kaoru sat up and went to look at it in the mirror, pleased.

Die giggled stupidly at the high five. Ahh... yeah, having a friend like Kyo was going to be all kinds of awesome. He let go of Kaoru's hand to let him up when he was announced as finished. He peered over at him, smiling. "Like?" he asked Kaoru in English.

Kaoru nodded, admiring it. "Yeah, you?" Then in Japanese he purred, "Now you'll have something nice to look at while you're sucking me off." 

Die nodded. "It suits you," he replied softly, then snorted. "I already had something nice to look at while I did that."

Zarina got down on one knee and put a bandage over the tattoo and Kyo handed her a wad of cash, which Kaoru tried to refuse, but the blonde insisted. Kaoru blushed and nodded. "Thank you." Zarina walked them all back to the front and clapped Kyo's shoulder, telling him in a low voice, "Caleb had tickets to your show, already. He'll call." The singer's eyes lit up and he thanked her happily, flustered, walking out the door back to the car.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, smiling, hooking an arm around Die's waist and kissing his neck, pulling away from him as they reached the car and a still-blushing Kyo, smoking a cigarette. "So should we take you back to the studio?" The blonde shrugged and looked at Die. "I dunno. If I'm not intruding, I kinda wanted to hang out some more with you guys."

Die grinned. "I have beer!" He glanced at Kaoru, seeing what he thought about it.

Kaoru looked back and forth between them, then sighed. "Get in the car." He climbed behind the wheel, hoping Kyo wasn't going to get himself into trouble being MIA with his agent, deciding he needed a shower, anyway, so the hotel was as good a plan as any.

Something about Kaoru's sigh made Die a little uncomfortable. He slid into the back seat and calmed down significantly, no longer bouncy and overly thrilled. Instead, he sat with his seatbelt on, hands in his lap while he stared down at them, trying to figure out if Kaoru was mad that Die wanted to hang with Kyo.

Kaoru and Kyo were both in the front seat, talking quietly about the layout of the interview, Kyo actually a little bashful to hear a fan's idea of how he should be portrayed to the uninformed public, Kaoru pleased that someone he admired as an artist liked his ideas. When they arrived at the hotel, Kaoru opened the back door for Die, wincing as his jeans rubbed and put pressure against the newly tattooed flesh, even with the bandage.

Die sat quietly the entire time, not saying a single word. Even when they arrived and Kaoru got to the door before Die could, opening it for him, he just got out and offered a slight bow as thanks. He got his stuff out of the trunk and his bags out of the backseat, still silent. He didn't actually display any outward sign of his discomfort except the silence.

Kaoru was oblivious, riding up in the elevator. "This is a nice place," Kyo noted. Kaoru nodded. "Yeah, the magazine footed the bill for the first two days, but we had to come to LA, anyway, so they're taking the rest out of my pay. I either need to start shooting some weddings or do drag every weekend if I want to make rent for the next couple months." He winced as he said that, not wanting Die to know he was hurting financially with this trip, seeing as Die already had to pay for the surgery and all the included bullshit with that.

Die listened, hearing what Kaoru said about having to do all kinds of things to make up for the rest of the trip. Immediately his already kind of down mood became even worse. He started to realize that he really was becoming a serious burden on his lover, at least financially and that made him feel kind of sick to his stomach. He got off the elevator and went into the room, putting away his leftovers in the fridge and then going into the bathroom. He locked the door and then quietly went to go and sit on the toilet, resting his elbows on his knees and then his head in his hands. After a few minutes, huge, silent tears trickled down his cheeks, making him feel even more pathetic.

Kaoru watched him disappear, brushing it off as needing to inspect his new piercing, chalking up his silence to coming off the endorphins. He and Kyo went to smoke a cigarette, but when he came back in, Die was still locked away. Curious, he knocked on the door. "Baby? You okay in there? I need to take a shower."

Die sniffed faintly, looking at the door, shivering a little. He swallowed and then sighed softly, wiping his eyes and then flushing the toilet. "Yeah... inna minute," he replied, trying to sound like he was perfectly okay.

Kaoru sat down on the bed and waited, rubbing one arm, wondering if something was wrong, physically, if the piercing had started to bleed, or maybe if Die was sick.

After a few minutes, Die pulled himself back together and had his face mopped up. He flushed again and then came out, going to the sink and washing his hands, then his face before patting himself dry and moving to put the rest of his stuff away. "Bathroom's open," he murmured.

Kaoru stood and caught Die's wrist. "Hey... you okay?" He looked out the glass doors at Kyo, still sitting on the balcony, talking on his phone, back to them. It was as good as being alone just then, as far as privacy was concerned.

Die nodded. "Yeah, fine," he replied quietly.

Kaoru gave him a little look, then dropped his wrist, and the subject, though he was not convinced. Grabbing something to change into, he stepped into the bathroom and started a shower, carefully cleaning the raised, sore skin of the tattoo, completely preoccupied by Die's odd mood. From the balcony, Kyo turned around and knocked on the glass as if on cue when the door to the bathroom closed, waving for Die to come sit with him.

Die glanced up when Kyo tapped on the glass. He gave him an almost sad look before he finished putting away his stuff and then stepped outside with a new pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He closed the screen door and sat down in the seat next to Kyo, lighting up and taking a long drag.

Kyo gave him an up-down, skinny legs tucked up in the chair. "What's up, kiddo?" Despite having a very good idea what was up, Kyo often preferred to have actual conversations, was intrigued by people's own interpretation of their issues.

Die just shook his head, a far off look in his eyes as he smoked away at his cigarette, faster than was really necessary. After he was done with the cigarette - in record time - he tossed the butt down, rubbing it out with his boot. And then, almost out of nowhere, "I don't think Kaoru likes me having you as a friend... and I'm such a burden on him. I shouldn't have asked to come with him for this and I should have made my trip for my surgery separately," those tears started again and he ducked his head, feeling lost that his hair wouldn't cover his shame. "I don't deserve him."

Kyo pulled a face, completely lost with how to deal with Die's sudden emotional moment; then slowly reached out and rubbed his back. "I told you he's jealous. It's not that he thinks you'd cheat on him, he just wonders if I'll seduce you. Which I would, if I was slightly less nice and didn't think he was pretty cool." He shrugged. "You're an idiot, though. I don't know what 'deserve' has to do with anything, but it's too obvious that man is completely in love with you. I mean, really." His mud colored eye reflected innocent curiosity. "Just think about it... what's it like looking in his eyes when you make love to him? Just the way he looks at you at all is heart-wrenching."

He sniffed a little, wiping his eyes again. "Forgive me," he murmured, "sometimes... my female emotions overtake me." Another sniff sounded and then he eyed Kyo. He was an idiot? He flushed. "I need to pull more of the weight... I..." he shook his head, trailing off. He bowed his head a little, shaking his head. "I fail at being able to 'make love' apparently. I've never had a serious relationship and to be honest, there's a lot I don't know about things like that... you know?"

Kyo frowned. "You're on hormones, it's kind of expected for you to get a little emotional." He shrugged. "I've never been in love with somebody, well, not with someone I was actually with, so I don't know, either, but I always thought you just kind of... knew how to do that kind of stuff when you fell in love." He paused, offering awkwardly, feeling like it wasn't the right statement, "Maybe Kaoru's not the right one?"

Die frowned a little and shook his head. "I don't know... I just... I don't honestly think that he's not the one. But I also can't say I know how to tell besides that I have feelings for him." He wiped his eyes again and then shook his head. "I guess the problem is more that I'm one of those rather instant gratification kind of people... and I tried so hard to be slower and do only foreplay stuff until I was about to burst from frustration... and in the end, it still wasn't enough. I just... don't... understand," he murmured, shaking his head.

Kyo shrugged, leaning back in his chair. He seemed comfortable anywhere, with anyone. "Well, if you don't want to make love, you can't force it." He lifted a brow. "Are you just not the romantic type? I mean, do you ever just wanna do sappy shit with him?"

Die scratched his head a little, looking a bit flustered. "I... like watching movies and sitting on the couch holding him. Does that count?"

A considerate little look. "Sure. I guess so, yeah." Inside, Kaoru had gotten out of the shower and sat down on the bed to watch a little TV while he dried his hair, but he'd been up since 6AM and ended up falling asleep, laid with his back to the sliding glass of the balcony, wearing only a pair of deep violet silk pajama bottoms. Kyo continued on. "Don't worry too much about it right now. Just... keep it in mind that Kaoru loves you and he's really a sap. Look in his eyes more, try and feel what he feels... when it's right, if it's right, you'll know what to do."

Die watched Kyo, rubbing his cheek and then nodding. "You really think it'll be that easy? That I'm not just incredibly unable to be romantic or something?"

Kyo laughed a little. "For the sake of your relationship, I hope so." He smirked a little. "Now, not to be an ungrateful guest, but, there was mention of beer?"

Die nodded. "I hope so... or... I'll learn what a terrible thing breakups can be when I actually have an emotional investment." At the mention of beer, he got up. "Yeah, come on." He opened the door and moved to the little fridge, pulling the beers out and popping three off the plastic holder, giving one to Kyo and holding the other two. Then he glanced at his lover on the bed, fast asleep, and he tilted his head. "Out like a light."

Kaoru didn't even twitch. Kyo smiled and quietly pulled Die back towards the balcony. The sun was going down and it felt good outside.

He grabbed the rest of the beer except one can, leaving it in the fridge and then padding out with Kyo. He settled down in the chair, setting the cans between them and popping open his own, taking a healthy swig of the Heineken. 

Kyo popped open a can and toasted it against Die's. "Thanks, man." He lit another cigarette and sat watching the sky change colors for a while. After a moment, he started to hum to himself, stopping when the door slid open. Die toasted him back and then sat there, listening to Kyo hum, feeling special for hearing such things. A sleepy eyed Kaoru stepped out of the opened door, barefoot and barely clothed, the silky pants low on his narrow hips. "Mm, sorry... didn't mean to fall asleep." He rubbed one eye and then, pulling it from his cigarette pack, lit a joint. 

Kyo blinked at him. "Woah." Kaoru shrugged. "It's California. I have a headache."

When Kaoru came out, Die looked up, having just finished his first beer. "It's fine," Die replied quietly, but then watched when Kaoru lit up his joint. He didn't comment, just reaching for a second beer and popping the top on it as he had the first. He swallowed some of the liquid down. "Want to have a seat?" he asked, willing to give up his chair.

Kaoru leaned with his back against the railing, shaking his head. "I'm good," he said quietly, then exhaled a long stream of pale blue smoke. Not wanting to be rude, he offered the joint to Kyo with an expectant eyebrow. The blonde shook his head. Kaoru shrugged, motioning at Die, though he knew the other would refuse.

Die shook his head as well before taking another swallow of his beer. "Ask me in two days when I'm in agony... you might get a yes." He offered a half lop-sided smile.

Kaoru snorted. "Mixing pot with pain-killers... well, it'll be an experience, for sure." Kyo looked at Kaoru seriously. "What's your drug of choice?"

Kaoru froze. "...Excuse me?"

Kyo was unfazed by the frostiness. "You say that like you've had quite the experience yourself. What's your poison?"

Kaoru's cheeks burned with shame, but he couldn't really be angry at Kyo. He shrugged, taking another hit. "I was totally strung out in college. I made mistakes, did nearly every drug known, I swear, at least once. I'd try anything." He was not proud of this, but he wanted to make it clear that his recreational marijuana use was not signs of an active drug addiction, and then to answer the other question, quietly, "cocaine."

Kyo bit his tongue, feeling like he'd touched on a demon that was caged, but not broke, giving an uncomfortable, polite nod.

Die winced when Kyo asked the question, lifting his beer to his lips and taking a long swallow from it. Suddenly the air felt heavy, thick like it was hard to suck it in. He screwed up his nose a little and then took another drink. Poor Kaoru... poor Kyo... such an awkward conversation and he was desperately glad that he wasn't currently involved in it.

Kyo licked his lips. Kaoru had the joint between his fingernails, sucking up the last few tokes. His voice was cautious and exaggeratedly compassionate. He was curious, but did not want to seem judgmental or like he was prying. "Did you ever OD?" Kaoru was looking off over the balcony, silent, and held up his hand, with the thumb and forefinger together like 'OK', which confused Kyo, but then he understood. Three. Three times. Kaoru dropped his hand back down and tossed the last little remnant of the joint off the balcony into the street, gripping the railing a bit harder than was necessary with both hands.

Die watched him hold up his hand and he counted the fingers, wincing and looking down at his feet. He shifted in his chair, crossing his legs one over the other at the knee. He bit down on his lower lip a little, then reached out for Kaoru, getting the back of his pants. He set his beer aside and then used both hands, trying to haul Kaoru back toward him.

Kaoru nearly tripped, letting himself get pulled backwards and landing with a little "Eep!" in Die's lap, blushing, glad he'd landed on his legs rather than his body, considering that Die's dick had a shiny new ring through it. Potentially horribly painful. He hid behind his hair, tucking one arm around Die's neck, then joining his hands, nose buried against Die's shoulder, more bashful about being manhandled into his lover's lap - which always gave him a little thrill to be settled across the other in such a way - than admitting to nearly having killed himself with his addiction on multiple occasions.

Kyo looked apologetic. "I'm sorry..." Kaoru just shrugged, a brush-off gesture rather than a defensive one. He hugged Die a little more and then leaned back, just sitting in his new chair.

Die patted Kaoru, settling a hand on his hip and then pecking his cheek gently before looking over at Kyo when he apologized to Kaoru. His free hand came up gently run through Kaoru's hair.

Kaoru hummed, leaning into the hand in his hair. The weed certainly didn't hurt his easiness to drop the tension. Kyo was quick to get onto another subject, one he just kind of spit up, potentially regretting the second it left his mouth. "Can I watch you two bump uglies? Hetero-style?" Kaoru blinked, then looked at Die to see what he thought.

Die's eyes widened when Kyo asked that and then proceeded to choke on thin air. After a moment of intense blushing, he swallowed and then shrugged. "I have no problem with it if Kaoru doesn't. I..." he shifted a little, "I kind of like being watched. It's sexy."

Kaoru's eyes sparkled and he grabbed Die by the front of his shirt. "Only if you ride me," he growled out as a teasing challenge, hiking one slender brow. Kyo let a slow grin cross his bowed mouth. Kaoru looked over at him. "Why do you want to watch?" The blonde shrugged. "It might be interesting. Besides, I've never watched anyone that was an actual couple. Pornstars don't have feelings for each other. I want to see what it's like when the people fucking do more than fuck." Kaoru nodded, understanding. Porn was efficient in its intended use, but it didn't portray realistic, typical sexual behavior for couples in any avenue of committed relationship.

Die blushed and then nodded. "Alright," he murmured. That sounded like a grand idea to him. He reached over and picked up his beer, finishing it off in one chug. Right after he burped and then patted Kaoru's butt. "Get up," he murmured, "can't ride you from down here."

Kaoru got up and slid the door open, walking to the bed with the weird grace he possessed and showed from time to time, dropping the silk pants to the floor, spreading himself out against the soft, cool white sheets, his black hair like a satin fan against the pillows. He brought one knee up slightly in a half-hearted show of modesty and one hand to his mouth, biting a knuckle coyly, waiting for Die. Kyo was up and following, hauling the redhead to his feet by an elbow. "Get in there," he hissed, amazed at how Kaoru could just turn on his more seductive qualities.

Die gasped when Kyo grabbed his elbow, pulling him up. Just knowing he was going to get sex, his every nerve ending was on fire, the searing heat rushing through him even at that touch. He felt glad that no one could know that Kyo managed to turn him on by doing the most mundane things. Kaoru surely didn't need to know that and frankly, he felt a bit pitiful for it being that way. Such a sex drive was one day going to get him in all kinds of trouble.

He moved inside, pausing to look at Kaoru, spread out like a fucking piece of artwork on the bed. He groaned softly and pulled his shirt off, letting it fall. Then the wrap pants fell around his ankles with a soft push from his fingers. Stepping out of them, he moved toward the bed, pulling himself up on it and crawling over Kaoru, straddling him and staying at about knee level, bending over so that Kyo would have quite the view of his pussy, already glistening wet for a plethora of reasons. And then he dipped his head, taking Kaoru's cock in his mouth and sucking the flaccid length toward hardness.

Kyo sat down in the office chair at the little desk, making sure the blinds were closed before tucking his feet up in the chair and just watching. He was really just a curious observer, staring at Die's pussy, trying to figure it out, completely unfamiliar with such anatomy. Kaoru watched his lover move and smiled as he leaned down, expecting a kiss to his hip or some such, and gasped with he went straight for the kill, shoving a hand in Die's hair and groaning. It didn't take any time at all before he was hard, the drug in his system making even the lightest, most innocent touch sensual and intense, and blatantly sexual touches exquisitely pleasurable. Somehow, he gathered up enough sense to pile pillows under himself quickly so that he was mostly sitting up, rested against the headboard.

Die's mouth worked its magic, tongue swirling and lips sealing over him, sucking hard. He bobbed his head over him until Kaoru was entirely hard and then he lifted his head, pulling off. He then shifted up, moving over Kaoru's crotch and grabbing his dick, holding on as he sank down on him with a low moan and a shiver. "Oh gods," he let out, the feel of hot throbbing cock in his pussy making him determined to cum.

Kaoru watched Die slide himself down over his cock, letting out a tiny, "unh," his hands squeezing Die's hips and giving a little roll up into him. From his quiet corner, Kyo breathed out, "holy shit," but otherwise remained quiet. Kaoru bit his lip and stared up at Die, his eyes a hot mix of desire and adoration.

Die's own hips pushed toward Kaoru, his legs spreading open further, sinking him down further on Kaoru's cock. He shivered as he leaned forward, one hand on Kaoru's chest as he started to move, slowly pulling up and then pushing back down, then repeating the process again and again, his pace slow.

Kaoru moaned appreciatively at the leisurely pace, leaning up and tucking one hand around to the small of Die's back, his mouth finding the point of Die's shoulder and kissing up in a sloppy, wet trail until he was sucking at an earlobe.

Die continued with his pace, slowly adjusting his movements until Kaoru's cock was shoving past his g-spot each time. He moaned low in his throat, his head tilting back, unable to stop from doing it. He shuddered and then continued a little bit faster, his hips keeping the angle, breathless gasps and long moans coming from his mouth on each move.

Kyo was rocking slightly in the chair, knees tucked up to his chin, subconsciously mirroring Die's pace. Kaoru was mostly letting Die move of his own accord, rolling his hips slightly into his lover's motions, but more intent on watching him, smirking at the ring through his clit, his slender throat when he tossed his head back. The new angle felt amazing, rubbing the underside of his head, and he pulled Die down just enough to kiss him, slow and patient with a lazy, wandering tongue.

Die's entire body felt like it was on fire. He shuddered, continuing on at the same speed as he kissed Kaoru back, moaning into his mouth as he moved a little faster, getting even more into it the more he moved.

Kaoru squeezed Die's hip in one hand, the other cupped against his neck. His kiss deepened and he started to move more against Die. Kyo sat watching the exchange, intrigued; hopeless romantic Kaoru beneath his hormone-addled, sexually driven lover. As a spectator, it certainly didn't make such a bad scene, with the former all but worshipping his lover while Die moved in rhythmic, panting gestures of passion. He put his chin in his hand and leaned in, wanting to make sure he was looking closely between them when Die came, wondering if he'd see the spasms like aftershocks in the muscles of the redhead's stomach or thighs.

Die's body arched forward even harder, a moan that was more feminine than masculine escaping his mouth as his engorged clit rubbed against his lover. The shock of pain and pleasure that shot through him shoved him hard over the edge, an enthusiastic cry meeting the air as warmth flooded over Kaoru's groin, soaking the sheets below. His muscles contracted and then exploded, again and again as he did his best to continue riding out his orgasm on top of his lover.

Kaoru wrapped both arms around Die, holding him, face buried in his neck, holding his breath, savoring the feel of Die cumming around him.

It took him a moment where he had to stop, shaking every few seconds, something close to tears in his eyes from the feeling of the orgasm. With a soft sound of pleasure, he slowly sank all the way down on Kaoru's cock and rocked his hips forward. "Please, Kaoru... take me hard... it feels so good when you do right after I cum," he murmured, his Japanese a little broken due to his state of mind.

Kaoru growled and flipped them back, laying the other direction so Kyo could see between them rather than a view of his ass and started pounding into Die as best he could while high. His teeth worked at Die's shoulder, one hand supporting his weight, the other cupping Die's neck, fingers playing gently along his skin.

Die gasped as he was turned over, his legs spreading and his hips arching. He let out a loud moan as Kaoru started going at him, his dick slamming into him in all the right ways. Die arched harder, his hands going to fist in the bed sheets as he got louder, his high-pitched cries of pleasure becoming more and more frequent. 

Kaoru covered Die's mouth with his own, having to arch strangely so he didn't rub the sensitive skin over his pubic hair against Die, or rub too harshly against Die's clit. He started to become more erratic with his thrusts, biting Die's lips and whining loudly as he stilled and came a rather copious amount into his lover.

Die's own whine matched that of Kaoru's when he came, his hips moving frantically for a few seconds before he stilled as well, letting out a more manly moan. With a shiver, he allowed his body to relax back onto the bed. Ending the kiss, he put one hand in Kaoru's hair, holding him close as he turned his head to look at Kyo, wanting to know if the other had found it erotic enough to maybe pleasure himself to. His other hand came to rub over Kaoru's side, a lazy action.

The blonde was still sitting with his knees tucked up, though there was a faint blush across his cheeks. He let Kaoru collect himself, kissing Die lazily all over his face and neck, but when the older man sat up and leaned back, sliding out of Die, he got out of his chair and crawled up on the bed, whispering something in Kaoru's ear. An evil smile pulled across Kaoru's lips and he smirked, stretching himself back over Die and nuzzling his cheek with his nose, one hand snaking between them and slipping two fingers inside. Kyo made himself comfortable on the bed beside Kaoru, sitting Indian style, and asked Die, "Where's your favorite place for him to kiss you?"

Die shifted around on the bed, whimpering a little when Kaoru pulled out. He was still sensitive, still floating on the high of a sexual experience. Another shift and then Kaoru's fingers were inside him, his nose nuzzling Die's cheek. His insides clenched down around Kaoru's digits, his eyes watching Kyo come to sit next to them with curiosity. His hips arched and then he bit his lip for a moment before blushing and trailing one hand down to his inner thigh to show. He loved when Kaoru would get a bit off track and start kissing around his most intimate areas, but not actually go there for a while with his mouth. The juncture of his groin and upper leg were so sensitive that just being kissed there could bring him to completely new places. 

Kaoru crawled backwards and sank between Die's legs, kissing and licking the inside of Die's thighs, pushing in a third finger and working them around. Kyo looked positively evil, like he had some master plan no one knew about. His hand came to rest on Kaoru's back and the other gave him a look, very territorial about Die's pussy, seeing as he was the only person ever allowed in it and rather wanting to keep it that way, but Kyo eased him with a simple expression that said he was only curious to observe. Kaoru went back to work kissing Die, nipping gently at the soft skin, scissoring the three fingers open inside his lover.

Die started in with those little sounds that made it clear that he was born a woman. His thighs fell open even more as he panted and almost begged for more. His thighs trembled, his hand still in Kaoru's hair. His now free hand came to rest on Kyo's leg, fingertips just gripping, needing something to cling to while he pushed toward Kaoru.

Kyo rubbed Die's arm, cooing gently, "Just relax. Let it wash over you, not drive you crazy." Kaoru sat up and sat comfortably between his lover's legs, letting Kyo lean over, chin rested on one of Die's lifted knees, and watch as he fingered his lover slow, in and out.

Die gasped when he had both of them staring at him so intimately. He flushed brightly, but the look in his eyes made it more than clear that he was incredibly turned on by having two people staring at him. His hips moved with Kaoru's fingers, his abdominal muscles clenching as he arched more, making little strained sounds of pleasure. Something about the entire situation felt almost slutty, and there was a factor in that part that made him even more aroused. Pieces of daydreams and fantasies molded together, forming this new situation that he actually got to experience. The hand that had been in Kaoru's hair before he moved slipped into his own hair, tugging the short locks. Relax... easier said than done... this all felt so good.

Kyo squeezed Die's wrist affectionately. "Really, just feel it, don't become it." Kaoru suppressed a laugh, having already made the assumption that Die was most likely unfamiliar with meditation techniques and Kyo was bordering on rhetorical mind over matter shit, but he knew where the other was going and slowed down, taking nearly a minute just to sweep his fingers, caressing inside, in and out four times. When he pulled them out again, only the tips of his ring and middle finger still in Die, he folded his hand with his pinky and index fingers together, reaching one hand to spread Die's lips out of the way a little more, and pressed back in. Kyo briefly left the bed and returned with a bottle of lube, cooing, "Relaaaax," as Kaoru slowly started to push the four fingers back in, experimental, not wanting to push Die past his limits.

Die whimpered at Kyo's statement, unsure he could even grasp how to do such a thing. It felt too good not to 'become' it. He shuddered harshly and then whimpered a little, biting his lip. The slowing down helped, Die's body relaxing into the bed, hips tilting every once in a while. When Kyo left, Die whimpered a little, not liking having what he'd been holding leave. But then he was back and Die's hand went to his thigh again, just resting there. It was kind of like a comfort, something to ground him. His head rolled to the side, eyelids fluttering as that many fingers came into him. He'd always wanted to be stretched, to be filled to his limits, over half of his fantasies involving being doubly penetrated so everything was tight and almost painful. Another moan left him, cheeks painted with arousal, moist lips parted.

Kyo absently stroked the back of Die's hand as Kaoru pushed the fingers in deep, wriggling them around before starting to thrust them slowly. He leaned forward for a second and kissed the corner of Die's mouth, whispering to him, "I love you," just to remind him as playful and adventurous and slightly whorish as the experiences of the day were proving to be, it wasn't all sport.

Die arched into the touches, murmuring back that he loved him as well. He whimpered a little and then licked his lips. Finally, he whispered. "Are you gonna put it all in me?"

Kaoru breathed out a laugh, kissing Die's mouth again. "Maybe." He pushed his fingers a little deeper. "If you can take it." He leaned back and took the lube from Kyo, using it liberally on his knuckles, seeing if he could fit his hand up to the thumb in Die, realizing he wasn't really sure how deep his lover was.

Die nodded, trying to breath in deep and slow, his hand moving to grab Kyo's, threading his fingers with the singer's, holding on tight. He wasn't in pain... at least not yet, though he wondered it if would hurt eventually. But he was thrilled just thinking about it.

Kaoru kept pushing, having to put a bit of force behind it, sinking his fingers in again, up past the knuckles, his thumb stroking Die's thigh. He kept pushing, slowly, waiting to either feel Die's cervix or any sign of pain. Kyo watched, mouth agape, squeezing Die's hand.

Die squirmed a little, his body moving to the right angle to give Kaoru the most depth to work with, shuddering and then licking his lips before he let out a breathy moan. "Oh gods... so full," he murmured.

Kyo squeezed his hand. There was an odd hush in the room. Kaoru started to move most of his hand in and out of Die slowly, adding more lube. It was a slow, careful process, he knew that much, his tongue pressed in a pink line between his lips, focused.   
Die clung to Kyo's hand like a lifeline, panting softly as Kaoru moved his hand around in him. Even he couldn't believe it fit. He didn't hurt oddly enough, but he still had tears in his eyes from the emotional impact it was having on him. After a moment, he rolled his upper half over to bury his face in Kyo's side, body trembling. He could feel his orgasm creeping up on him, something more intense than he'd managed so far. It felt like it was going to be amazing.

Kaoru withdrew his hand and smothered lube rather obnoxiously on it, thumb and all. Kyo shifted to sit under Die's head, laying him against his stomach, shoulders in his lap, stroking his hair, craning over to still watch as Kaoru, carefully, made a fist, and started to push it against Die, his hand getting squeezed into a tight, contorted knot as his lover's body hugged around him. He could feel the other's pubic bone like a small bangle over his hand and kept pushing. One of his knuckles popped. His eyes flickered back and forth from his hand to Die's face.

Die shuddered harshly, biting his lip and then moaning. It helped to have Kyo closer, holding him like that. It was soothing to know he was being cared about from two angles at once and it helped him keep it together as that hand pulled out and then Kaoru's fist came back to play. He gasped when he felt Kaoru's knuckle pop, pushing his cheek against Kyo's abdomen, trembling.

Kaoru's eyes were huge and wide. He and Kyo were both wearing decidedly dumb expressions. Kaoru stared at his wrist, which was as far down his arm as was really visible. He pushed just a little more and turned his fist slightly. "Baby? Are you okay?" He had no idea how anyone could be in Die's position, but his lover had mentioned it stretched more... fit more, if he remembered the wording correctly. And how.

At the turn, Die cried out, one of Kaoru's knuckles rubbing harshly over his g-spot. He couldn't even answer the question as he fell over the edge into his orgasm. He cried out loudly, body spasming around Kaoru's entire fist as he damn near tried to claw his way both toward Kaoru and into Kyo's lap. It was like he'd lost his mind, as though he couldn't decide what he was doing or how he was doing it. He just squirmed and bucked and moaned and gasped.

Kaoru felt Die cum, holding his breath, the already tight passage molten hot and now clamping even harder around him, enough to make him wonder which of them was going to break first, Die's pussy, or his hand. His free hand stroked his lover's hip in an unsure gesture.

It took him a few minutes before he managed to calm down, his face buried in Kyo's lap one arm around his waist and the other fisted in the sheets at his side. One leg was draped over Kaoru, the other man's hand still inside him. He shivered, another spasm pushing through his insides before he whispered out, "Fuck."

Kaoru carefully removed his hand from Die and just kind of looked at it, covered in the egg-whites wetness of Die's natural lubrication, the lube from the bottle, his own cum, and, he winced, a little, thin bit of blood. He wanted to wipe it off, but he didn't want to leave the bed just now. He leaned over Die, his messy hand to his chest, and kissed his lover sweetly. "Are you alright, love?"

He shuddered when Kaoru pulled out, looking up when Kaoru moved over him. He kissed him back and then leaned back into the warmth of Kyo's lap, nodding a little. "Wash and come back," he murmured, eyelids heavy. His arm tightened around Kyo's waist. His pillow wasn't going to be able to leave without a fight. And soon... he was hoping to have a lovely Kaoru blanket.

Kyo just sat, trying to be as clinical as possible in his comfort to Die, seeing Kaoru reluctantly leave the bed and his insecurity make him burn slow with jealousy that Kyo was still cradling his lover's head. He scrubbed his hands in the bathroom and told himself he was stupid and to cut it out, drying his hands and coming back to the bed, with Kyo about to tumble backwards off the foot and Die in his lap, feet pointed towards the pillows. He blinked at the scene and then walked back into the bathroom, washed the rest of himself off with a washcloth and then dried, and came back out, pulling on his silk pajama bottoms again and sitting and Die's feet, leaned into the pillows, stroking Die's ankle with one hand.

When Kaoru only sat back down at the end of the bed, touching his ankle, Die whined. His free arm came to flail around. "Kaoruuuuuuuuu," he whined out, "Come hereeeeee." God, he sounded like such a whiny brat right then.

Kaoru rolled his eyes and stood, leaning his kiss Die's brow with a little smile. "I need a smoke, I'll be back." He slipped out onto the balcony, opening the blinds only enough to glide through, and plopped down into a chair, taking a cigarette from Die's pack, left on the little table between the two chairs, and lit up, a million things racing through his head, him trying to open a door for all the nastier, more bullshit stuff to get out. It didn't want to leave. Part of him felt an inch high and wondered, as had crossed his mind before, if Die was only with him because he was the first to show him affection and acceptance. He wondered, then, if maybe Kyo was actually better for Die, and if he, Kaoru, actually loved Die, if it was best, should that be true, to just let them gravitate towards each other. Inside, Kyo took note of the mood, despite the fact Kaoru had slipped out acting as though everything was fine. He looked down at Die. "Do you want me to get you something? A washcloth? Some water?"

Die remained curled up on Kyo, watching Kaoru leave. Once he'd gone, he shivered and bit his lip, remaining silent for a long time. When Kyo spoke up, Die turned his now tear-streaked face up to look at him. "He's mad again... isn't he?" he asked softly, sniffling a little, trying not to sound as hurt as he actually felt inside. Being left like that when all he wanted was comfort and a hug... it hurt. But then he hadn't known earlier that Kaoru had needed his support and he couldn't expect Kaoru to understand that he needed his now. Kyo was offering his support and Die felt like a total heel for wanting anything at all.

He moved then pulling himself away from Kyo and then dragging the covers up over his body, face burying in the sheets while he silently cried into them. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong," he whispered, more to himself than anything.

Kyo bit his lip, crawling up after Die, holding him by the shoulders. "He's not mad at you..." He sighed, hating when he just spit out people's business, but in this case, it needed to be said. "Kaoru talks a lot of shit, he puts up a good face, but under it he's extremely insecure. He's the kind of person that needs constant affirmation and really open conversations and shuts down easy. I intimidate him. He loves you to pieces, but he sees how we click," he blinked, "I mean, like friends, and he's..." Kyo closed his eyes. "He's out there wondering if you really love him, not because he doubts you, but he doubts himself. He wonders if he's going to leave LA alone. He worries, constantly, because he's so afraid to lose what's important to him, because he's got no real sense of self-worth to think he really deserves being with you." His muddy eyes opened again and he shrugged one shoulder in a remorseful gesture. "It's his problem. Not yours. And he's trying so hard to keep it bottled up and away from you because he doesn't want to scare you away with how much you mean to him, with what an emotional mess he is. He blocks it out, but when it forces past, it's a bit of a nightmare."

Die listened to him, trying to take his words to heart, to understand what he was trying to tell him. He took in a long shuddering breath before he wiped his eyes on the covers and then nodded a little. "I have my own problems," he whispered, wiping his eyes again as more tears spilled out. "I just... I wish he could understand... I just want a friend... just one." He turned bright glassy eyes on Kyo, swallowing hard, knowing he'd already said it before. He curled up tighter, feeling cold and empty inside. "I just wanted a hug," he whispered, his voice sounding choked.

Kyo felt like he was not helping this situation at all. "I know! I know. He wants you to have friends, he isn't going to shut out every other person out of jealousy, he knows it's irrational for him to get bent out of shape, but... I mean, I did kinda have sex with you within an hour of meeting you. And now I'm in bed with you and your boyfriend's outside. So..." He stood up and looked around, feeling rather out of place. "I'm gonna go make him trade places with me." He slipped out onto the balcony. Murmuring was heard and then Kaoru stepped back in, going over to the bed, sitting down carefully at Die's back. "...baby?" He'd successfully shoved all his own emotions down in his gut. "I'm sorry... I wasn't storming out or anything, I just needed a cigarette." He leaned forward and draped an arm over Die, hugging him, kissing his ear. "Forgive me?"

Die felt bad when Kyo left, feeling like he'd run him off just because he was being pathetic and needing to be held right then. He shivered and then sniffed. When Kaoru came back in and put his arm around him, he just buried his head down more into the covers. Rather than answering Kaoru's question, Die just blurted out, "I love you, you know that. I just want a friend in Kyo... he's kind and accepts me... I don't have to hide." All of it kind of came out in a breathless rush.

Kaoru was a bit taken back by Die's verbal outburst, sorting out the words. He sat up, still stroking Die's side. "I'm sorry..." He then realized that sounded like he was denying Die Kyo's friendship and he corrected himself. "I know you just want a friend, baby. I'm just... a jealous asshole." His voice dropped to a quiet hush. "It's hard not to feel inadequate next to him; he's gorgeous, amazing, talented, interesting. ...I look like I chump next to him." He laughed at himself a little. "I am a chump, compared to him."

Die frowned, wiping his eyes again. "He's fucking Kyo... anyone feels that way next to him. But just because of that, you think I'd throw everything away? No way."

Kaoru felt even worse for doubting Die when he said it like that, sitting silently, rubbing up and down the other's side.

It took him a few minutes before he just dragged himself out of bed, feeling a bit sore as he moved off toward the bathroom. "Need to clean up," he murmured quietly.

"Baby," Kaoru got off the bed and got past the door before Die could close it, hugging him. "I really am sorry."

He paused, feeling awkward for a moment. He'd wanted a hug so bad before and now it felt like he was forcing that he wanted it on everyone and that made him immediately resist it now that it was offered. "I know." He pushed the curtain closed and then reached in to turn on the water, waiting on it to warm up. After a few moments, he got in the shower and started immediately washing off with soap. He was silent for a long time before murmuring, "If you don't want Kyo and I to be friends, just tell me. I'd rather know."

Kaoru squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I don't care if you're friends," he said plainly. "I want you to have friends, I want you to interact with other people, and I don't want you to feel like you're going to grow old and alone with a cat." He sighed. "But what you want, whatever that is, is more important. It shouldn't matter even if I didn't want you to talk to Kyo. Don't let anybody treat you like that. My jealousy is my own issue. I have no reason not to trust you."

Die swallowed, feeling even more unsure of himself when Kaoru spoke that way. Don't let anyone treat him like that? But he couldn't lose Kaoru, even if that meant not having anyone else in his life to even talk to. He'd give up everything if only he could just keep feeling cared about. But he didn't say anything, just washed his body off and then shampooed his hair. Finally, he turned off the water and squeezed out his hair, pushing the curtain open and grabbing a towel, pulling it around himself, looking at Kaoru uncertainly.

Kaoru was leaned against the counter, rubbing at what he'd only now realized were welts and one deep cut just below the elbow where he'd been bound before. It didn't hurt much and his tattoos had made them hard to notice. He didn't look up at Die, afraid he'd cry. "...I worry sometimes about you. Alright, a lot. I don't want to just date somebody. I want to settle down. Ruin your life on hard drugs for a few years, you just want to be boring and normal with someone who loves you after that. But this is your first relationship, and you've been so isolated. I don't want you to confuse having this for the first time, or just having someone to be there for you, with love. Love is the person, not what they do for you. I don't want to hold you back if I'm really just supposed to be a stepping stone. Which would suck for me, but..." He shrugged. There. He'd said it.

He tried to compute what Kaoru was telling him, to figure out what on earth to say. Finally, he just sighed and shook his head. "Look... when I look at Kyo and when I talk to him, I see a really sweet guy who is full of understanding. But my feelings are of friendship and lust. With you, it's more. When I wanted someone to just hug me out there, it wasn't helping for him to be holding me. I needed you to do it. Stop worrying about him or anyone else. Things will go how they will and if you worry so much that you pull away from me... you're only pushing me further away in the process. Okay?"

A few tears breeched Kaoru's lashes and he nodded, all but throwing himself at Die, arms slung around his neck, chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," around hard, desperate kisses and tears down his face.

This time, Die put his arms back around Kaoru, holding onto him and then trying to calm him down. After a few moments, he murmured, "Earlier, he was making a nice pillow and I wanted a Kaoru blanket... but you left. I demand a Kaoru blanket."

Kaoru blushed and nodded, tugging Die out into the room and laying him on the less sex stained half of the bed, draping himself across him, legs tangled together. Better?

Die nodded. "Mostly," he murmured, looking over toward the door. "As long as he's also okay." He knew he'd left Kyo in a rather awkward place and he hadn't meant to. Maybe having friends _was_ harder than it looked.

The blonde in question peaked through the blinds and saw the two of them back in the room, stretched out on the bed. He went back in hesitantly, not feeling shunned, just knowing this wasn't his place. "Well, boys, I have an early morning. I should really head out." He set a slip of paper with his phone number with 'For D + K' on it on the desk and went to kiss them both on the head. "Thank you for a fascinating day. Please keep in touch. Kaoru, I expect to see lots and lots of the photos from today." He winked, standing up straight again, ruffling Die's damp hair.

Die peered up at Kyo, smiling at the soft kiss to his head. He reached one hand out, touching Kyo's hand briefly. "Thank you... I hope things work out with you and the piercing boy." He grinned before yawning deeply. "We'll keep in touch," he murmured.

Kyo made an exasperated face at the mention of Caleb. "You and me both, babe." He smiled. "I'll see myself out." Grabbing his bag, he gave a little wave and head out the door, calling his driver as he punched the button for the elevator. Kaoru shifted slightly over Die. "So what now? ...I can't believe I had my fist inside you, by the way."

Die waved a little at him, watching him go, wondering if he'd ever actually see him again. If not, that retreating form was forever burned into his mind. When Kaoru spoke, Die's attention shifted back to him. He blushed. "Me either... never had that done before," he admitted.

Kaoru nuzzled down against Die, chuckling. "I would think not, no." His fingers wound around the short, damp strands of red hair. "What's something you've always wanted to do, but haven't yet?" Their old game again.

"Double penetration," he blurted out before flinching and kind of trying to sink into the bed sheepishly. 

Kaoru blinked and then laughed, shifting to lay beside Die with his head propped up on his hand, the other hand trailing up and down Die's chest. "I meant in life, silly, not sex." He smiled a little. "I want to see Paris. Corny, I know."

Die's face flushed darker and he rubbed his cheek. "I... um... hmm... well, to get my art on a billboard and actually get credit for it for once."

Kaoru smiled, relaxed and comfortable just lounging with his lover, talking about dreams. "I'd love to see that. You know, I'd love to see you do pieces on your own, maybe even classic medium. You're so talented, baby."

Die tilted his head. "Do you really think so?"

Kaoru leaned and kissed his eyebrow, then his nose, then the corner of his mouth. "Absolutely." He smiled again. "Did you ever have a list of requirements for an ideal boyfriend, and if you did, what was on it?"

Die made a face at that one and shook his head. "No. Like I said, I figured I'd be more likely to have a cat than a boyfriend."

Kaoru pouted, circling the point of Die's collar bone with his finger. "What about, like... an ideal guy? If you could create the perfect man, what would he be like?"

"A total fuck machine," he replied before laughing, trying to lighten the mood.

Kaoru laughed, tossing one leg over Die's. "I'm serious! Come on, tell me. I promise not to take offense. You and I are so different, romantically, I'm trying to pick your brain, sugar."

Die sighed softly and then thought about it. After a few moments, he murmured quietly. "I honestly never thought about it, Kaoru."

Kaoru almost frowned, but let it pass, laying his head down on Die's shoulder. "I'll shut up." He wrapped his arm around Die's waist, snuggling into his side.

He felt kind of bad, but he honestly didn't know. "How about... I tell you when I actually think about it for a little bit? Aren't your ideal things supposed to be like... thought about a long time?"

"Well yeah, I guess so. I mean, I'm a total sissy and I've always had this ideal relationship in my mind, or what a really loving partner would be like. I suppose it's the gay man's equivalent to little girls planning their weddings?"

Die smiled. "So what's your ideal relationship then?"

"Well," Kaoru laid absently caressing Die as he spoke, cheek against his smooth shoulder, "I've never been a casual dater. I don't waste my time with people I don't think I could actually have some form of long term relationship with. And then of course, Japanese. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone I can't speak my native language with, or who shares my culture, we talked about that, you know. And I guess I always had this idea of me and this faceless, perfect man living in a little house with a big garden and a hammock where I'd read, and an art studio that always got the best light that we'd share, and we'd talk at a breakfast table over tea every morning, about anything from politics to philosophy to movies to sex, aaand," he thought about it for a minute, "we'd still take each other on dates, even after years together, and he'd never let me forget that I was loved, and that he thinks I'm beautiful." He blushed hotly, growing quiet. "Jesus, I'm such a girl."

Die listened, wondering if he could ever live up to even half of that. He couldn't share the culture because he'd been denied it so much himself, though he did have the language at least. But he feared he'd forget the dates and he loved coffee more than tea. But... there was no point in actually worrying himself into a rut over it. It was, after all, just an ideal. "I think I can live up to half of it."

Kaoru chuckled a little. "It's just some silly little daydream, baby. You're not expected to live up to anything." He gave Die's skin a little kiss. "I have a silly question; I was thinking about what's our actual anniversary? We met June 2nd, but our first date was the 5th, and we didn't really get together until the 30th when we first slept together." He blushed again to be able to ramble off all those dates, which each had whole pages behind them in his journal, scrawled and scratched, quickly thrown down emotions in the heat of the moment.

He nodded a little and then listened, tilting his head. He blinked a little. "Um... I guess I'd more start after you knew about my... condition. You know?"

Kaoru nodded, nuzzling more. He slinked out of bed and dug through Die's suitcase, finding his silk pajamas and going back to the bed, putting Die's feet through the legs and pulling them up. "What'cha wanna' do while we wait for your cum on the bed to dry?" He smirked and kissed Die's hair, holding out the shirt.

Die blinked when Kaoru got up and then came back with his PJs. He helped to get them on and then licked his lips a little, blushing at the comment. He sat up and held his arms back to make it easier to get the garment on. "Watch TV?"

Kaoru nodded, putting Die's shirt on and grabbing his datebook, flipping the TV onto Adult Swim. He sat down and flipped the date book open, which was decorated on each day along with to-dos. He showed Die. "I've kept this up for years; there's different symbols for each thing. Dates, sex, orgasms per session, blow jobs, top or bottom. It's my secret version of a little black book." He jotted in a star, added a little star to it, then another star, a swirl, and then a check with a drawing of a fist. "I, uh, I don't have a symbol for fisting yet. Gonna have to come up with one. On the block for yesterday were a square with a plane by it and a swirl with a plus."

Die peered at Kaoru's date book as he buttoned up his shirt, far more interested in that than the TV. "Explain them all?" he asked, sounding genuinely interested.

Kaoru nodded. "Um... okay, dates are hearts, like," he flipped back, "last week when we had lunch, and sex is a star. I need to add a dot to this one, was on top, and then I added the little one for the threesome. Squares are handjobs, swirls are oral. If I cum more than once in a session, I add a check. It's a loose system, just something to keep tabs for when I journal later."

Die's head tilted and he looked completely intrigued. "You are so incredibly OCD," he said, laughing softly, the whole thing very much joking.

Kaoru made a face. "Yeah, actually... when I'm stressed, it gets worse. The drugs started as self-medication for it."

Die moved to him, gently touching his arm. "It's okay to be, you know... some people are so disorganized that we need the people that are OCD to be there to balance it out."

Kaoru smirked. "Are you saying you're disorganized?" His smile faded and he sighed. "It makes me really rigid in my thinking though, and controlling, and it makes me expect really ridiculous things from you, and I'm sorry. I envy you, being able to just say what will happen, will happen and just let it be."

Die shrugged a little. "I just don't plan things out all the way. I start a plan and let it go from there. If it's meant to be, it'll fall into place and if it doesn't, it doesn't."

Kaoru thought about it. "I don't know, I think sometimes if you want something, you have to help it happen." He shrugged. "What do you think is the perfect date? Just humor me, make something up if you have to, what do you think would be the perfect, most romantic date?"

Die paused, thinking about it for a moment and then closed his eyes. "An expensive restaurant, candles, the whole nine yards... appetizer, two course entree, and dessert. A nice view... at night... the city lights below us... and sex after."

Kaoru purred, putting his date book on the bedside table and stretching out in Die's lap, biting his lip. "Mm, more detail."

He arched an eyebrow, having thought he'd described a lot in that alone. "Um... well... like a restaurant that has huge windows and is maybe in a skyscraper... that would be awesome." What more was there to say?

Kaoru arched a brow. "You are such a guy," he teased. He looked up at Die and smiled. "See, my perfect date, and I know, because I've done it a few times, but the company always makes it different and special, is a picnic dinner, light stuff, with like fruit, and wine and bread and good cheeses, and take that with some candles into an old cemetery, like, with lots of architecture in it with mausoleums and statues, and sneak in at night, and sit with all the quiet dead under the stars and just talk and then lay together, maybe until the sun comes up." He blushed. "Making love on a grave, optional, of course." He shook his head, chuckling at himself. "I'm sorry, I know I don't wear it on the outside, but I'm still very much a starry-eyed, sappy, romantic Goth."

Die smiled at the picture, amused. "I love it, it's an amazing idea." He couldn't possibly come up with something more complex than what he'd said, but he liked that Kaoru had such things in his mind.

Kaoru's eyes lit up. "Really? You wouldn't wuss out on me, being in a cemetery at night?" He smiled, wrapping one arm around Die's waist, head in his lap. "We should do it sometime."

Die shrugged. "What's there to be afraid of? The dead? It's not like they're zombies."

A little smirk. "No zombies. I have had some creepy experiences though. My first apartment was haunted, I swear."

"Do tell," he murmured, peering over at his lover, curious.

"Cemetery wise, the usual; shadows, voices, weird noises, things like that, the apartment..." He sucked at his teeth. "Shit moved. I'd hear my name. Things would fall off tables and wake me up, my bedroom door never stayed shut. It was really freaky. I'd hear someone walk up and down the hall from the other bedroom to the living room all night, and I didn't have a roommate at the time."

Die arched his eyebrows and then tilted his head. "I used to have this like... coffee pot that didn't exist come on all the time at my brother's. It was kinda odd."

"That didn't exist?" He looked confused. "Like, you'd smell coffee when none was being made?"

He shook his head. "We'd hear it percolating at all hours."

"And there was no coffee pot... huh." Kaoru thought about it a minute, then looked back up at him. "What were you like in high school? I've always wondered... I'm kind of fascinated by the fact that you used to live as a woman. Like, I get this idea of this quiet, gorgeous, nerdy, artsy girl that probably hid in big clothes that all the guys secretly wanted to get with." He smiled devilishly.

Die's eyes darkened a little and he shrugged. "Awkward, socially inept, a total bookworm who thought the world revolved around my grades and nothing more than that. I had a uniform... my parents insisted on sending me to a school that had one. Or rather, my mom enforced it so that I'd be girlish and actually wear a skirt."

Kaoru pouted cutely and pressed a kiss to Die's stomach through the silk. "I love nerdy boys," he teased lightly in regards to the bookworm comment, wrapping some of his hair around his finger. "It's been your turn... like a lot of times now." He smiled and shifted so that he was laying on his back with his head on Die's hip, stretched out beside his lover, taking the other's hand and holding it to his chest, stroking up and down his forearm absently.

He nodded a little, trying to move his brain to think of something to ask. "What's your favorite smell?"

"Hmm...." Kaoru thought about it for a minute. "Well, currently, you, of course. My pillows will smell like you for a few days after you're over, I love that. In general, though, I love the smell of cedar."

Die tilted his head. He hadn't expected such an answer and it made him blush a little, though he just nodded. "Cedar is nice."

He hummed a little, pressing the back of Die's hand to his cheek. "Are you nervous at all?" His other hand came up to rest low on Die's stomach. "At least there won't be any lingering worry about, 'ya know... unexpected kids." He shrugged, knowing he shouldn't feel apprehensive, but once again, the idea of his lover being cut open and having things removed did not settle well with him.

Die nodded. Of course he was nervous. Being cut into wasn't his favorite thing in the entire world. In fact, it was one of his least. But he knew it was somehow necessary for him to feel more like how he was supposed to, so he would tough it out and survive through it all. It was just how things were. "That's true," he murmured.

Kaoru smiled softly. "We would have made pretty babies, I think." He wrinkled his nose a little to let Die know he was at least half joking, then nudged his knee against his lover's shoulder. "So... I've thought about it... and since you've got the sex drive of a thirteen year old and the energy to back it up, and you'll be on medically mandatory booty lock-down for six weeks after this..." He blushed. "Well, starting now, and over the next two days, you can think of me as your own personal sex toy." Kaoru bit his lip shyly, voice dropping to a deep whisper. "Whatever you want, whenever you want."

Die snorted and then laughed at the babies comment. After Kaoru spit out that he could be his own personal sex toy, Die stared at him like he was maybe nuts. Blushing rather like a teenager, he chewed on his lower lip for a moment before he breathed out a soft, "Ahn... I... for real?"

Kaoru slid the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip, a hint of a smirk gracing his features. "Uh huh." The back of his hand stroked at Die's stomach a little. "Well, don't break my dick off or anything. But yes, really." He chuckled a little bit, crossing his legs at the ankle, feet propped up on the headboard.

Die blushed hotter and then made a soft sound, nodding. "Alright," he murmured. But the problem was, he felt he'd probably be too nervous to actually ask for anything, too paranoid that he'd ask for something he shouldn't. But he didn't have to tell Kaoru that.

Kaoru made a little face at Die's obvious bashfulness, shifting on the bed and straddling Die's waist, leaning down over him. "Baby... we've been having sex on a regular basis for months now. We had a threesome today. I had my fist in you. Seriously?" He offered a lop-sided smile. "Don't be scared to ask. In fact, don't ask. Tell me." He held up one hand as if taking an oath. "From this moment until you go in for surgery, I will obey any - please don't make me regret that with really freaky painful stuff-" another smirk, "any request of any sexual favor from you." He put his hand back down and blushed a little, sitting back against Die's hips.

Die still bit his lip, staring up at Kaoru, watching him. He nodded a little. "I know... it's just... I already feel so bossy and now I'll be even more, you know?"

Kaoru smiled softly. "You're not bossy. Just... really, really, really horny." He laughed a little. "Besides, I'm giving you _permission_ to be bossy." He batted his lashes playfully before getting off from on top of his lover and stretching his body out against the sheets, his back popping loudly. He gave a contented sigh and then rolled onto his side, propping his head up in his hand. "I've just kind of come to accept that you're a total sex maniac. But, a lot of it's the hormones, I know, and after the surgery, there's a good possibility your sex drive will take a beating. So, I'm giving you free reign over me. Something to hold you over until you've healed enough to start having sex again."

Die blinked at him, having read some pretty terrible information on hysterectomies and he was honestly a little afraid of all of it. But only an idiot wouldn't be. He bit his lip a little and then nodded again. "I hope you're prepared for handing yourself over on a silver platter, Kaoru."

Kaoru pulled out the front of his pajama pants and addressed his penis. "You can do this, buddy! Don't fail me now!" He let the elastic waist snap back and smiled. "I think I can handle it. Just don't get offended if I stop getting hard. I can only take so much." He leaned forward and purred in Die's ear. "Besides... so long as we both know what's really going on, I kind of like the idea of essentially being your sex slave."

He watched Kaoru talk to his penis and couldn't help but crack up, the sound of his laughter filling the air. After a few minutes, he calmed down and just grinned up at the ceiling. "Alright.. then... I'll think of things as they come."

Kaoru gave a little nod and laid down with his head against Die's chest, one leg tucked in between his lover's, just watching TV, purring and nuzzling every now and again. He felt a bit girly for it, but he loved just being able to lounge around with Die like this, comforted on so many levels simply to lay with him.

Die smiled and then rubbed at his eyes, yawning. "Fuck... I should not be this tired."

Kaoru pouted and got up, turning off all the lights before coming back to the bed and tugging the sheets out from under Die before crawling under them and tucking them up around them both, snuggling back against the other's side. "It is kind of late. I'm still a little wired, but I can cut the TV down low if you want to sleep, baby."

Die nodded. "That's fine." He stifled another yawn and then rolled over on his stomach, still against Kaoru's side, but clutching the pillow as he stuffed his face into it. This was how he loved to sleep the most and he figured since he probably wouldn't feel like sleeping on his stomach after the surgery, he should do it now.

Kaoru chuckled a little, leaning over and kissing his head. He sat up for a while, rubbing Die's back absently and laughing quietly, before finally cutting off the TV and sinking down beside Die, arm wrapped around his waist and one leg thrown over the other's, quickly falling asleep.

Die curled up, falling asleep quickly, exhausted from the day's activities. Before Kaoru fell asleep, Die was snoring lightly, just that tired.


	21. Chapter 20

Kaoru woke up on his own the next morning, groggy and a little sore, carefully slipping out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom, swaying a little as he dropped his pants and brushed out his hair, brushing his teeth and emptying his bladder while he let the water run to heat up for a shower. When it was good and hot, he stepped under it and sagged against the shower wall, slowly waking up, letting the warm water soothe his body and give him a little energy.

Once the warmth of Kaoru was gone, Die woke up enough to realize that he could hear the shower running. Rolling over, he stuck his face back in the pillow, yawned, and then fell right back asleep for what his brain decided would only be a few minutes.

Kaoru finally woke up enough to get down to the business actually cleaning himself, shutting off the water and wringing out his long hair. Wrapping himself in a towel, he stepped out onto the mat and dried off, tucking the towel around his narrow waist and going to his suitcase, kneeling and digging around for clothes, realizing he had no idea what they were doing today, if anything. Standing, he went back over to the bed and sat down, gently shaking Die by the shoulder. "Baby," he whispered, leaning over the other and smiling against his ear.

Die didn't even stir until Kaoru shook him a little. Then he grunted, one arm flailing a bit in the motion of 'nnggg, sleeping' that was traditional to anyone who had ever been woken up from a good sleep in their entire life.

Chuckling a little, Kaoru kissed Die's cheek and left him to snooze, getting dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and heading out for a while, leaving Die a little note that he'd gone to window shop and to call if he needed anything or wanted to come meet him for lunch.

Die woke up hours later, stumbling to the bathroom to take a long piss before he took a fast shower. After doing all the rest of his morning routine, he found the note and sat on the edge of the bed, dialing Kaoru's number and pressing the phone to his ear.

Kaoru was way downtown, glad he'd thought to bring his camera, just walking around where ever the mood struck him, taking photos. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and smiled, answering. "Hey, babycakes. Have a good sleep?" He hoped Die could hear him past the traffic just a few feet away as he stood at a corner, waiting to cross. "I was wondering when you'd call me. What's up?"

He yawned a little and then grunted. "Yes, sleep good." A sniff and then, "Food?" No, Die was not entirely awake yet.

"Mmkay." Kaoru jogged quickly across the intersection when the light changed, looking around him to try and determine where exactly he was currently. "Do you want to meet me somewhere, or should I bring something back to the room?"

Die wrinkled his nose and then 'hmm'ed softly before murmuring, "Meet you." He could always take a cab.

"Okay. Why don't you find a place you're in the mood for and text me the address and I'll meet you there in, say... forty-five minutes?"

Die nodded and then realized Kaoru couldn't see a nod. "Okay. See you soon." He hung up and then quickly got his laptop up and running to flip around through the guides to LA. Finally, he gave up and found Kyo's number, texting him first. _'Hey, do you have any suggestions on romantic places to eat around here?'_

Several minutes went by and Kyo finally got back to him. _The Abbey Food and Bar. It's in West Holly. Awesome._ He tagged the address and a phone number along with it. _Trying to woo the boyfriend?_

He smiled when the message came in and then replied. _Yeah, you could say that. Thanks. Hope you're having a good day._ He then forwarded the message of where to eat to Kaoru, taking out the forwarding lines so it looked like the message was directly from him and then used the phone in the room to call a cab to come get him.

Kyo texted him back again. _I'm decent. Did a signing thing, really small, no big. Boy called me and we had coffee late last night after I left you guys. He's really sweet._ Another text message. _I've just been informed by a friend that The Abbey is not romantic. I disagree. Don't be fooled by the cuteness of the cabanas, either, get a table in the courtyard._

Immediately following this, Kaoru responded to Die. _Got it. See you there._

Die read the first message and was halfway through typing his reply when the second came in, and then the third. He smirked and then texted Kyo back. _I'm sure it'll be fine. Courtyard, check. I'm glad he called you. Have fun?_ He then got up and headed out from the hotel room toward the lobby, hoping his cab came quickly.

Kyo replied quickly. _Don't go naughty, I know what you're thinking. He let me kiss him. Just the one. I think he was really nervous. I told him I'd take him out to drink after my show, we'll see._

Die couldn't help but laugh when he read the text. He shook his head and then walked up to a cab that came to a stop. He peered in and they asked if he was Dai. He nodded, getting in and giving the address to the restaurant before he texted the other back. _Can't tell me you didn't wanna do more._

_Oh I definitely want to do more. In fact, I plan to. Problem: I really like him. We talked for hours last night and completely clicked. This scares me. I'll let you know how it goes. Be good to your boy, tell him I said hi._

_I always try to be good to him. I wish you luck and you shouldn't be scared. Clicking like that is a good sign._ He closed his phone and sat back with it in hand, humming softly.

Kaoru was waiting outside when Die arrived, having been closer to the establishment when Die texted to him. He snubbed out his cigarette and tossed it into a trash can, walking over to the cab to greet his lover, a few shopping bags hung from his wrist, his messenger and camera bag slung across his torso.

Die got out after paying for his ride, smiling at Kaoru and giving him a hug in response. "Sorry I took longer," he murmured.

"It's okay," Kaoru hummed, squeezing Die back, kissing his neck briefly before pulling away. "I was kind of in the area already, so..." he shrugged and took Die's hand. "Shall we?"

He smiled. "Of course." He walked inside with him, moving to the host podium. He asked for a table on the patio and the hostess immediately led them in that direction.

Kaoru lagged slightly behind, looking around the unique bar, finally catching up to Die and the hostess, taking off all his bags and leaning them against the garden wall by their table. Sitting down, he smiled a little at Die and reached into his pocket. "I got you something while I was out." He blushed a little, not sure how the gesture would go over, and produced a red metal key ring of a "D" in Old English lettering. Hung from it was a single key. Kaoru offered it across the table, dangling it from one finger by the loop. "To my place. So you know you're welcome anytime."

Die settled down in his chair, the hostess pulling out their chairs, so he didn't do it for Kaoru. He smiled at Kaoru, waiting to see what it was. He gave the key an odd look that transformed into a kind of shocked one. Then he grinned, reaching out and taking it, fondling it between two fingers. "Wow... I... thank you."

Kaoru blushed darker when he saw the look of shock pass Die's face. He tried to brush it off as not that big of a deal. "Just, you know, so you can come over when you want." He distracted himself by looking around the little terrace, lit up with fairy lights strung across it and gas lamps now that the sun was beginning to set, plants in pots everywhere. "This place is really cute."

Die tucked the key in his pocket and then smiled. "Ah, yeah, it is." He looked around, really liking the gas lamps.

Kaoru leaned back in the metal patio chair, the kind that rocked slightly, and put his feet up in the chair next to Die, smiling at him. When the waitress came, he ordered a gin lemonade and a water, flipping through the menu, not sure what he was in the mood for, food-wise.

Die ordered a mango lemonade and spinach Alfredo dip for an appetizer before he started to peruse the menu himself.

Kaoru flipped through and decided on the Chicken Rio, tossing his hair over one shoulder absently and finger-combing it. "So what have you been doing, did you really sleep all day?" He smiled to show he didn't mind, he knew Die had a hard time sleeping and it was good that he finally crashed out every now and again and got some real rest.

He nodded. "I really was sleeping all day. I guess my body knows I won't be getting proper sleep for a while so it made up for it." He shrugged a little and then murmured, "Choose me something."

Kaoru reached across the table and curled his hand over Die's, humming, looking over the menu. "How about the steak? Protein's probably a good idea right now."

He nodded. "Sounds good. Is there one with lots of mixed grilled veggies?" Peering down at the menu, he deliberated the steak options.

Kaoru shrugged. "They have grilled vegetables. You can always just custom order it." His fingers trotted over the ridge of Die's knuckles, back and forth. "So, did you have any plans for tonight, anything in particular you wanted to do?"

"I intend to be with you for the rest of tonight," he replied softly, with a tender smile. The waitress came to the table with their drinks and Die ordered his steak, medium rare with mixed veggies and a potato with butter.

Kaoru blushed slightly and order his chicken with rice pilaf and a side salad, stirring his lemonade with his straw, taking a sip. The alcohol gave just enough bite to the sweetened lemons. He gave a satisfied hum and flicked his bangs out of his eyes. Leaning with one arm on the table, he just sat and looked at Die, a half-smile on his lips, one foot coming under the table to rest between both of Die's, tapping his ankle slightly.

Die smiled when Kaoru's foot migrated over. "Is there anything you have in mind you want to do while we're here and I'm... mobile?"

"Mm, I'd love for you to fuck me cross-eyed." He blushed that that had just slipped out, but after his offer to Die last night, it was all he could really think about, and he was honestly excited at the prospect of his lover having control over him for a couple days.

Die smirked across the table and then he nodded. "I think I can manage that one. Anything else?"

Kaoru pouted cutely. "It's supposed to be what you want, baby, or are you just wanting me to cram the suggestion box?" He grinned a little at that.

He laughed. "I meant outside of sex."

Kaoru turned bright pink and laughed nervously. Now it was him being the dirty one. "Um... no, not really." He shrugged a little. "Just as long as I'm with you, I'm happy."

He nodded. "Alright." His hand patted on Kaoru's and he smiled. "And for what it's worth, I'll accept suggestions for the box."

He bit his lip a little teasingly and leaned back in his chair, switching to Japanese in case anyone around them could hear, boldly letting Die know, "I want you to choke me." There. That wasn't so hard, was it? He smiled a little evilly. "Be rough with me."

Die arched one eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" He offered a smile. "Alright, I can do that."

Kaoru squirmed slight in his chair, surprised Die had just agreed to it like it was nothing. He smiled triumphantly and reached for his drink again as the waitress brought the appetizer out.

Immediately, Die dug into the appetizer. He loved the dip so much, had ever since he'd first tried it a few years before. After a few moments, he held out a piece of bread with the dip on it toward Kaoru.

Kaoru grinned and gave a nod of thanks, taking it and nibbling it, both feet coming around one of Die's now and locking at the ankle behind his calf, effectively hugging onto it. He just sat quietly, though, happy for the contact, munching away at the appetizer, one hand still rubbing at Die's.

Die took a sip of his drink and then a bite of the appetizer. He smiled at the contact of Kaoru's feet locked around his ankle.

When the entrees came, Kaoru dug in immediately, realizing he was quite hungry from walking around all day with nothing to eat but a cheese Danish from Starbucks when he'd popped in for a coffee. He finally slowed down on his meal and nudged Die's foot. "I got some really great shots today. I, uh, kinda snuck into an abandoned warehouse, the lighting was fantastic."

He glanced up at him and then smirked. "Oh yeah? I'd like to see some of them when you get to a point you'd like to show them." He really did enjoy his lover's photography, sometimes a little envious of his talent and wishing he had a bit of it with a camera, but he didn't.

Kaoru gave a little nod. "Maybe later tonight, I'll put everything on my computer and you can flip through the raw images." He sipped his drink, just enough booze to mellow him out, giving a contented sigh. "This is really nice, baby." He nudged Die's foot again, smiling and stroking his hand. "Thank you."

He smiled at the compliment. "I had a little help on picking it out," he murmured, not wanting to steal all the credit glory. After all, this was Kyo's city. If the other ever came to theirs, he could help him in much the same way.

Kaoru raised a brow, figuring Die had Googled "chic gay restaurant in LA" or something, smirking a little and finishing off his food. He sat listening in to conversations and just looking around the place as it grew darker, his thoughts revolving around he and Die, where they were in their relationship now and where it might be going. With a smile, he leaned across the table rather out of the blue and kissed the corner of Die's mouth, his fingers fondling an earlobe.

Die gasped a little, but he simply smiled and kissed him back, just a little peck to match Kaoru's action. He'd let the other dictate it how he saw fit for now.

Kaoru bit his lip and sat back, blushing slightly. Despite the fact that he was fairly certain in an hour or two, perhaps, they would most likely be fucking each other stupid, he felt amorous and giddy. It had been a while since they'd had a more romantic date, and to have it be in such a setting, in such a city, on such a nice night made him feel just... good. It was simply a feeling Die put in his gut and he loved it. He pushed some hair back behind his ear and leaned forward, propping his chin in his hand. "I love you. You know that, right?"

Die smiled at him, leaning forward enough to push some stray hair behind Kaoru's ear and then touch his lips. "I know," he smiled, a devious look in his eyes. After a few moments though, he conceded. "I love you, too."

Kaoru smiled shyly, leaning into Die's touch. He chewed on his lip a little and crossed his legs under the table, done with his meal, feeling like a school girl with a crush, which was both ridiculous, considering he and Die had been together for months, and exhilarating. In a kind of corny mood, he got up and moved one chair over to the one beside Die, instead of sitting across from him, reaching under the table and lacing his fingers with Die's, looking at the dessert menu, stuck between the salt and pepper shakers. "Did you want to get something sweet?" he asked, leaning on the arm of Die's chair.

"I have something sweet," came the answer before Die laughed, blushing and shaking his head. "But... seriously... sure." He peered at the menu and then pointed at this insane chocolate cake, strawberries, and ice cream creation. "That?"

Kaoru blushed darkly and leaned into Die's side, nuzzling under his chin for a moment. He gave a little nod and Die's selection. "Sure." He laid his cheek on Die's shoulder and sighed contentedly. The waitress returned to refill Die's tea and leave Kaoru a glass of water, taking away his empty glass and plate, asking Die if he was finished with his meal as well and if they'd like dessert.

Die smiled, nodding and letting the waiter take away the remnants of his meal. He ordered the chocolate insane thing and then took a long sip of his iced tea before reaching over to take hold of Kaoru's hand, looking around happily.

Kaoru winked at him playfully and sipped at his water glass, looking around, as well. The place was pretty crowded, but it still felt very homey, in an odd way. There were a few eyes on them, but none judging; after all, this place was really just a gay bar with great, upscale food. He supposed his tattoos caught some attention, or perhaps the simple fact they were both attractive and complimented each other as a couple quite well.

He rubbed Die's thumb and sniffed a little. "Baby, does it ever bug you that I'm... well, not very butch?" After all, Die obviously had a clear idea of what was male for himself. He often wondered if it bothered him that under his super-confident exterior and despite his deep, dark voice, he had very girly tendencies and was not the most masculine looking, either. He shrugged a little, curious.

Die didn't really notice the way anyone was looking or wasn't. For once he was fairly oblivious to it all, just focusing on his lover instead. When the question came out, Die tilted his head at him a little and then snorted. "Nah, doesn't bother me. I like you the way you are."

Another shy expression, letting his hair fall into his face to hide his pinked cheeks. "Really?" It was fairly rhetorical, though. He knew Die wouldn't just shove sugar down his throat like that, though he also knew he had an odd personality and that it took some real love, friendship or otherwise, to just accept Kaoru the way he was.

"Really really," Die replied with complete ease.

Kaoru squeezed Die's hand again. "I found my "Seung" box the other day," he explained. "All our old letters and pictures and stuff... I got rid of some of them. Every time I pull it out, I throw a little more away. But... I was thinking, as I went through the photos, how warped of an idea I had of him, you know?" He pursed his lips a little. "I was really young, and I guess a little hungry for love, and he was funny and really sweet to me, but he had this side... where he'd pick on me, and at first it was joking, but sometime he was just... mean." Kaoru sniffed a little and shrugged. "Anyway, I just realize going through the pictures from the beginning on through how much I changed for him, and never even realized until now, looking back... the way I looked, the way I dressed, even some of my friends, all because he would sort of tease me about everything." He leaned to kiss Die's ear. "It's nice to have someone that doesn't want to change me."

Die watched Kaoru with an odd look while the other talked about his ex. He frowned at the fact that Kaoru had changed so much. Shaking his head, he bit his lip and then sighed. "Changing people is pathetic and usually impossible. People should change for themselves, not for someone else." He shrugged a bit before he squeezed his lover's hand.

Kaoru blinked up at his lover. "Well, I mean, I know that now. But I didn't back then. I figured maybe he was right, because I knew people looked at me on the streets like I was a freak. But before him, I didn't care. I liked how I was..." He shook his head. "Never mind. It's nothing." He smiled leaning to kiss Die's shoulder through his shirt. "I have you now, and you don't treat me like shit, and that's all that really matters."

Die watched him for a long while, listening and then nodding a bit. "And I never will treat you like that... I promise."

Kaoru leaned back in his chair, smiling. "I know you wouldn't." And as cynical and worrisome as he often was, he did know that. The cake was brought out with two forks on the plate and Kaoru just kind of looked at it, not really sure where to start.

Die picked up a fork and immediately stabbed into a huge chunk, ice cream and all, quickly shoving the bite into his mouth before it dripped. He offered a goofy sort of smile at Kaoru.

Kaoru covered a laugh with his hand. "You've got a... oh, here, I'll get it." He leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the spot of ice cream just along the underside of Die's bottom lip, sucking at the soft petal far longer than was needed to clean it of the sugary mess, his hand resting on his lover's thigh. He scraped his teeth against Die's lip as he pulled away, grinning. "Mm... that's pretty good." With a cocky smirk, he picked off his own bite with the fork, avoiding the cake, mostly. He wasn't a huge chocolate fan, but the strawberries and ice cream were good.

Die watched him, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second before the other sucked on his lower lip. After a moment though, his eyes closed and he just enjoyed it, giving him a cocky look once he was done. He chuckled and then stabbed a strawberry and some cake, popping it in his mouth. Unlike Kaoru, Die was virtually addicted to the damn substance called chocolate. He loved it though he didn't indulge as much as he wanted to usually.

Kaoru picked at the dessert, really only eating a few bites, but making it look like he'd had more. He smirked at Die and kept his hand on his lover's thigh, stroking slightly. "I would probably find it beneficial if I ever covered myself in chocolate, huh?" He laughed a little, raising the water glass to his lips.

Die stared at him for a long moment before he let out something resembling a cake-muffled moan. Swallowing, he informed, "Oh my god, chocolate-covered cock!" Promptly another bite of the cake disappeared into his mouth.

Kaoru just stared at him for a minute and then began to laugh, keeping himself quiet at first, but starting to giggle and snort slightly as it just got funnier and he couldn't make himself stop. He leaned over and pressed his face into Die's shoulder and finally was able to stop laughing, sitting back up and wiping the tears from his eyes. "Aaah... alright, baby, you almost done? I'm ready to head back to the hotel so you can make me bedridden." He finished his glass of water and smirked at Die over the rim.

Die ended up giggling with his lover, shaking his head while he polished off the obscene dessert. Once he was done, he noticed the bill, picking it up and then studying the price. Once he'd looked over it, he tossed some bills into the little black bill carrier. Standing up, he stretched and then leaned over to Kaoru's ear. "I'm gonna make you need a wheelchair. How do you feel about that?" He smirked and then moved away, heading off toward the exit like he hadn't said a damn thing.

Kaoru blushed hotly, gnawing his lip, gathering up his bags and hurrying to follow Die, hitting the remote for the rented car, parked just outside, making it bleat as the doors unlocked. He jogged up ahead of his lover and opened the door, sneakily taking the other's hand, moving so that they were blocked from the view of anyone on the street, and pressing it against his groin, where he was already half-hard. "Why don't you feel how I feel about it?" He grinned evilly and let Die's hand drop, stepping back up on the curb, waiting for him to get in.

Die smirked when Kaoru rushed ahead of him, watching him rush to the rented car. When his lover pressed his hand to his dick, Die groaned pleasantly. But a wicked idea overtook him as he slid into the car, settling down on the seat and waiting on him. Once his lover was inside and had the door closed, Die quite blatantly stuck his hands in Kaoru's lap, starting to massage his dick through the material.

"Oh fuck," Kaoru blurt out, sinking back into the seat, glad the windows were slightly tinted. He just sat and enjoyed Die's touch for a moment and then started the car, glad the ride back wasn't too long. He grabbed Die's wrist and laced their fingers together, kissing the back of his hand. "I might seriously kill us if you distract me too much, baby. LA is already full of crazy drivers."

Die stared down at Kaoru's hand when he grabbed his wrist and then made a face before he sighed and pulled his hand free after the kiss to get his seatbelt on. Well... at least he'd get him when he was back at the hotel, even if Kaoru was incredibly dense right then. He'd hoped to get in a little devious time in a car, maybe suck him off to get himself really riled up for what he intended to do to him when they got back, but he supposed he'd just have to deal with the thought rather than the actual action.   
Kaoru reached and squeezed Die's knee, stroking up along his inner thigh. "Of course, I'd love for you to..." His palm rested right against the juncture of Die's leg and his groin. "But... the more riled up we both are..." He winked. "Right?"

Die stared down at that hand and then shrugged a little, nodding. Maybe there was just something he didn't know about Kaoru's past that created a problem with what he'd been about to do. Regardless, he would just deal with what had come down to him and not be cranky about it. "When we get back," he murmured.

Kaoru gave a little grin and rolled the window down slightly, lighting a cigarette. He turned the stereo up a little; he'd gone by some music stores in Little Tokyo and found several CDs. Currently, Kiyoharu's latest solo album was playing. The voice alone added to the sexual tension in the car.

Die listened to the music, the scent of the cigarette making him itch for one of his own, but he'd misplaced his pack somewhere along the way. Instead, he just sat, hands in his lap, eyes turned out the window while he contemplated how to best go about things when they got back, wondering how much Kaoru would take from him before it triggered something he didn't want to.

Kaoru looked at his lover awkwardly; they both generally triggered each other to impulsively smoke. Taking another from the pack, he broke the menthol bead in the filter and lit it, handing it to Die at a stop light with a little questioning look. By the time the other finished it, they should be back at the hotel.

Die glanced over when the cigarette was held out to him. He offered a smile and then accepted it, taking a long drag from it, feeling much better for doing so. He crossed one leg over the other and then continued his staring out the window, studying everything as it went by.

Kaoru hummed along to the CD; he'd always had a thing for the singer, had posters of Kuroyume on his wall as a teenager. There was just something undeniably sexy about him, the kind of sexy that made any listener feel just as sexy. By the time they arrived at the hotel, Kaoru was itching to be touched, and was in a playful enough mood to handle just about anything Die could throw at him, so long as it was in the private confines of their hotel room. Parking, he got out and gathered his bags, checking his pockets for the key card.

Die found himself unable to pull himself immediately back from his funk over Kaoru pretty much telling him to quit fondling him. He wanted to brush it off, but he couldn't quite get to that point. When Kaoru parked and got out, taking the bags, Die decided he knew where his first stop was. They wandered into the lobby and Die murmured to him, "Go up and get ready for me. I'll be up in a few, okay?" He said it all with a mysterious air, knowing that was the best play he had in his book right then.

Kaoru blinked, a smile creeping across his lips. "Okay? Um... anything special I should do?"

Die shook his head a little. "Get naked and pull the sheets back. Dim the lights." That was all he could think of.

Kaoru nodded and leaned to kiss Die's cheek. "Mmkay. See you in a few." He winked and head towards the elevators, going up to their room and putting away his bags, stripping down and going to freshen up in the bathroom, brushing his teeth for good measure and combing out his hair. For whatever reason, he felt it appropriate to quickly dig out his small makeup bag and put a little black along the wetline of his lower lid and some shimmery beige on his eyes. Nothing too noticeable, just a little touch that made him feel more attractive. Taking off all his jewelry and leaving it on the bathroom counter, he made sure their luggage was pushed out of the way, into the closet or under the desk, and put a scarf on the bedside table that Die could use however he wished.

Looking around the room, he gave a little nod and pulled back the sheet after turning off all the lights but the two bedside lamps, setting them on their next to lowest setting, and slid under the sheets. He realized, now that all he had to do was sit and wait on Die, that he was actually nervous, but excited, nonetheless.

Die watched Kaoru go and then went to the bar in the lobby, ordering a double shot of whiskey and paying in cash, downing it quickly before buying a half pack of menthols off the bar tender. He headed back outside, smoked two, and by then felt relaxed enough to not be put off by earlier. He let the feelings slip away with the smoke. Once he was done, he put the pack of cigs in his pocket and then headed for the elevator bank.

Once upstairs, he fished out his key card and then stood in front of the door for a minute, contemplating his mode of action. He'd get his suitcase, go to the bathroom, lube his strap-on and then fuck out any frustration left until he or Kaoru couldn't stand it anymore.

Kaoru was laid out on his side with the sheets pulled just high enough on his hips to cover any bits that mattered, his cheek rested on his thin, tattooed arms. When he heard the door open, he tried to look as innocently sexy as possible, which resulted in him just lying there smiling softly, biting his lip slightly.

Die's eyes flicked to the bed, finding Kaoru there. He offered a soft smile, the vent from the hallway carrying the scent of whiskey and tobacco to Kaoru before the door closed. The red-haired man knelt, finding his luggage under the desk, and rummaged around, finding lube and his strap on. Getting up, he murmured, "Be there in a minute," before he disappeared into the bathroom, quickly stripping off his clothing and attaching the strap-on to his groin. He folded his clothing, putting it aside and then lubed up the strap-on. He wiped his hand off, except his fingers and then left the bathroom, coming back out and going straight to the bed, his eyes dark as he moved over Kaoru.

Kaoru pouted a little when Die just went off into the bathroom, but gasped when he returned, obviously going right for the kill. The aggressive nature, usually rather dormant in his lover, shocked him, and turned him on tremendously. His breath caught in his throat and he laid flat on his back, hands coming up to squeeze Die's shoulders, trying to discreetly kick the sheet out of the way and spreading his legs a little. "You must want me bad," he teased in a soft voice, his own cock hard between them evidence enough that Die wasn't the only one wanting this.

Die's dark eyes found Kaoru's erection and he smirked, staring down at him. After a few moments, he just spread Kaoru's thighs further apart, slick fingers coming down to push at his entrance, prodding and then slipping inside. He fucked him with his fingers rather vigorously, not at all his usual hesitant self.

Kaoru let out a loud moan, hips rising off the bed slightly. His head lolled back, his throat exposed grandly, dark hair fanning out over the pillow. His hands slipped down, one to wrap around Die's bicep, the other snarling in his own hair just to hold onto something. He bent his legs at the knee and spread his thighs as wide as he could, pushing up slightly against Die's fingers, panting and letting out tiny sounds of pleasure, his high cheeks dusky with arousal, eyes squeezed shut.

Die let out a grunt as he added a third finger to the two he'd shoved in at first and then started fucking him even harder with them. He did it for as long as he could before he got utterly impatient. Pulling his fingers out, he grabbed Kaoru's thighs and pulled his legs up, positioning himself and then thrusting in all the way in one long push.

"Anh!" Kaoru's body rose up off the bed, hand going to Die's shoulders and squeezing. He panted, relaxing around the other, shifting slightly. He looked up at his lover, his eyes begging for more, one hand trailing across his lover's shoulder and into his short hair, running his fingers through it.

Die gave him just long enough to relax before he went for it, starting to fuck him as hard as he could. The bed started to hit the wall, the tall back headboard slamming with each thrust Die made forward. He groaned, spreading his thighs more so that a bit more friction was given to his engorged lady-dick.

Kaoru cried out, holding on for dear life. He wondered briefly if there was anyone in the room next to them and if they would call about the noise, and then he realized that right that second, he really didn't give a fuck. He wrapped his hand in Die's hair and tried his best to keep up, rocking his hips into every other thrust, pleasure short-circuiting his body, making him start to shake, his breaths coming in short, trembling gasps.

Die let out an aggressive growl as he shifted them closer to the headboard and his hands grasped it, hanging on as he used it for leverage to shove harder into Kaoru's body. It wasn't long before he could feel the warmth of his own orgasm approaching, the familiar burn deep in his groin as he fucked his lover for all he was worth, head thrown back and lewd moans and obscenities trickling from his mouth.

Kaoru had learned exactly what to look for in his lover, and knew Die was close. Pushing down against the mattress, he lifted his hips until the other's hard, deep thrusts were angled directly at his prostate, making him scream. "Fuck! Oh god, Die..." Without even thinking about it, he brought his hands to Die's shoulder-blades and clawed him, hard, across his back and down his sides, grabbing onto his minimal ass, legs wrapped around Die's waist.

Die cried out at the scratches, moaning with complete abandon as he slammed hard into Kaoru's body. After a few moments, he came to a stuttering halt and ground his hips down hard, moaning continuously, head thrown back as he came hard.

Kaoru whined, gripping his legs around Die's waist and letting him ride out his orgasm, stroking his arms. He wrapped one hand around to the back of his lover's neck and pulled, trying to gently coax him down for a kiss.

Die gritted his teeth for a few long moments before he got any breath back at all, moving down to kiss Kaoru like he wanted, moving again, though not nearly as hard since he was trying to keep friction off of himself for the time being. All he wanted to do was make his lover cum.

Kaoru shoved his tongue into Die's mouth, sucking on his lover's lips for a while before finding Die's wrist, pulling the other's hand up to his throat and pushing it against it. He moved to press his lips to Die's ear, frantic now, desperate for release. "Choke me. Please, baby."

Die moved back from him and then sat up, both hands going to Kaoru's neck, holding his throat tight while he thrust into him, hoping this was what he'd been looking for from all of this.

Kaoru's eyes rolled back in what almost looked like relief, one hand wrapped gently around one of Die's wrists, the other fisted in the covers. He let out a strangled moan, working his hips as best he could against Die's. Just as he was starting to feel consciousness slip, the sideways feeling pulling at his gut, another sensation came rushing up and he came, hard, his face feeling hot, almost a burgundy color.

Die held his neck tight until he was sure Kaoru was going to cum. When he watched that first spurt of white release come out between them, his hold loosened significantly, allowing Kaoru the breath that he probably so desperately needed at that moment.

The first breath felt like heaven, and he sobbed it back out after he'd breathed in so hard he felt like his lungs would pop. Die's hands still around his throat felt good as his body clenched around the fake cock buried inside him, his own dick making a mess across his stomach, gobs of it almost reaching his collar bone. Sated, he collapsed against the bed, feeling like he was made of liquid, a stupefied, blissful look on his face, mouth hung slightly open.

Die sat back from his lover, pulling out of him and then getting up, quietly going to toss the strap-on into the sink for later washing, making a quick rinse of his hand and grabbing a wet cloth for Kaoru. He came back with it, using it to mop the inside of his thighs down and then turning it over, using the other side to clean Kaoru up. That was discarded to the side and Die settled, his head swimming a little still from the exertion and the booze from the downstairs bar.

Kaoru watched him, purring when his lover cleaned him up and pulling him against his side when he settled back on the bed, sucking at whatever patch of skin he reached first. "Nn... that was amazing." His body was still vibrating slightly, his right foot twitching every now and again.

Die lay there, letting Kaoru love on him while he just continued to try to get his head to stop swimming. It did after a few moments and Die relaxed, smiling softly at Kaoru. "Hnn," he replied.

Kaoru’s fingers found the red lines where his nails had dug into Die's side and he stroked them lightly, not even apologizing, actually seeming very pleased with himself. He liked how it looked, his marks left on Die's body. He was of course not opposed to having it the other way around; in fact, he almost hoped his neck would have some bruises for a few days.

Die shivered a little, not at all bothered by the lines on his body. They stung lightly at the touch, but he found he kind of liked it.

Kaoru smiled up at him, crinkling his nose slightly. "I need a cigarette... but I don't wanna get up. ...I don't think I can get up right now."

Die snorted a little and then pushed himself back up, going to dig through his pants for the pack he'd bought off the bartender and coming back, handing one to Kaoru with the lighter. Then he stood on the bed and strained up, grabbing the smoke detector, opening it, and pulling out the battery.

Kaoru reached to the Styrofoam cup at his bedside table, thankful there was still a little water in it to ash in, and smiled at Die as he lit the cigarette. "I knew I fucked you for a reason, smarty-pants." He took in a deep drag and sighed happily. "Mm... you might not have been kidding about the wheelchair."

Die grinned, sitting down again and then lighting his own with the lighter. He murmured, "Sorry it's menthol, by the way. I bought it off the bartender."

Kaoru shrugged, sucking it up anyway. "Every once in a while, I like it. Reminds me of you." He stroked Die's thigh gently with the pads of his fingers. "So... needed a little liquid courage, huh? You know you can be aggressive with me, baby. Don't ever be afraid to at least ask what you want from me. I won’t always say yes, but I'm not going to shut you down or think less of you." He pressed his face into Die's side and kissed around to his shoulder, biting it playfully.

Die flushed a bit when Kaoru asked if he'd needed some liquid courage. It hadn't quite been that, but he wouldn't say otherwise, finding it wiser to stay silent and just nod in this particular situation rather than tell Kaoru he'd felt like he'd been rejected earlier. After all, that was all his fault, right? Just him taking it wrong... he hoped.

Kaoru coughed a little into his hand, throat pleasantly sore between the strangulation and the cigarette. He rested his head on Die's thigh, gazing up at him. "So what next?" He chuckled a little, tapping the ash into the little cup and taking another drag.

Die laughed. "I don't think you could handle more right now, Kaoru."

Kaoru blushed slightly, shifting more onto his back and tossing the last bit of cigarette into the cup with a sizzle. "Yeah, but I could do things for you." The back of his hand played along the inside of his lover's thigh as he turned his head and kissed Die's hip.

Die tossed his own cigarette into the cup and then licked his lips a little. "Hnn... I'm okay for now I think."

Kaoru looked at his lover almost suspiciously. "Really? I thought orgasms were like potato chips for you." He laughed a little and nuzzled his lover's hip some more, anyway.

Die snorted and then lay back, closing his eyes. "I... well... yeah, you're right." He smirked a bit. "Give me five."

Kaoru stuck his tongue out between his teeth and laughed. "Told you." His hand made lazy patterns on Die's stomach as he laid and recuperated. "You've really made an unprecedented change in me, you know that?" He smiled softly. "Before you, all my gender/sex/love talk was total rhetoric bullshit, something I believed in as a concept, but in reality, the thought of a vagina kind of made me gag. But you..." he pursed his lips slightly. "I absolutely _crave_ your body. I love pleasing you, I love the way you taste, everything." A slight blush painted his cheeks. "Just, ah... thought you should know that."

Die listened to his lover tell him everything, pretty much pouring a piece of his soul out for the redhead to see. He smiled, his hand coming to capture Kaoru's, pulling it up to kiss it gently. "You really don't mind my..." he hesitated there, not quite sure what to call it, "womanly parts? I mean... even I just kind of tolerate them."

That "look", the "baby, I love you, but you're crazy sometimes" look, got thrown Die's way. "I eat your pussy, baby. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't do it." He extended a finger from where Die had pulled his hand up to his face and stroked his lover's lips. "I even named it Sara. ...Don't ask why, I have no idea why, I just kind of found myself personifying it. Everything else is you, but your pussy is my girlfriend Sara. ...I don't know why she's white, apparently, either, or just a really Americanized Asian girl, but yeah." He laughed a little at himself, hoping Die would laugh too and not think he was a little nuts.

When Kaoru told him he'd named it, Die snorted and then laughed. "So... I have a Sara downstairs, do I?" He kind of spread his legs and stared down. "Well... okay." He shrugged. "I didn't name it, so I guess it needed one anyway." He smirked and then shook his head.

Kaoru blushed darker. "Er, yeah... I'm weird about naming boyfriend's business. I haven't figured out a name for your dick yet."

Die snickered softly and then shook his head. "It can be Die Jr. for now, yeah?"

Kaoru laughed. "Okay, Die Jr. I can live with that." He shifted, wincing slightly as he crawled between Die's legs, leaning over and kissing just under his lover's navel.

Die watched Kaoru move, his hips flexing a little, a quiet sound rather like a short purr coming from him. 

Kaoru lapped gently at his lover's cock, touching the ring gently. "How's it doing? Are you healing up pretty well?"

Die gasped at the touch to his clit ring, moaning before he could stop himself. "It is," he murmured. "Kinda... still painful, but it's like I can't tell the difference between the pain and the pleasure sometimes."

Kaoru chuckled, breathing hot air over the other's slit, the tip of his tongue tracing along the line of it. "I love how dirty you are sometimes."

Die trembled a little and then spread his thighs more, offering himself to Kaoru. He shivered and then reached to put a hand in Kaoru's hair, stroking it gently. "Mmm..." he mumbled, "I'm dirtier than you know."

Kaoru quirked a brow at Die and smirked devilishly. "Same here, baby." He let it hang mysteriously in the air before starting to bathe Die's cock with his tongue, careful not to really touch the ring, both for fear of pain and infection. Technically, he wasn't even supposed to be doing this with the piercing still healing, but they'd take their chances. He curled his tongue around the little dick and sucked slightly, moving down and pulling Die open with his thumbs, licking slowly over each pink fold, briefly teasing his lover's hot entrance before coming up again giving his cock a slow, hard suck.

Die whimpered at the treatment, the sound showing he was enjoying it. With a shiver, he bit his lip and then closed his eyes, wondering where exactly Kaoru's 'dirty' came into play and if there was any chance at all that their 'dirties' overlapped. His hips arched when that tongue came to lick over his cunt. He moaned and then gently tried to urge Kaoru back down there since he knew he'd be out of commission for a long time.

A tiny growl issued from Kaoru's throat and he moved back down, lapping around Die's lips, practically tongue kissing the other's pussy like it were his mouth. It surprised him, usually Die liked more attention focused on his dick, but he wasn't complaining. Slowly, teasingly, he squirmed his tongue into the other's passage and slowly fucked just the entrance with the point of it, wanting to drive Die crazy, wanting to tease him and hopefully make the end results all that much better.

Die whimpered and whined, his body squirming as Kaoru mercilessly teased him with his tongue. After a good few minutes of it, he was panting and his cheeks were flushed a delicate pink with arousal. A loud whine popped out just before he whimpered Kaoru's name.

Kaoru grabbed Die behind one knee and pushed it back, spreading him open even more, reaching to take one of his lover's hands and pull it down between Die's legs, sucking at his lover's fingers for a moment, before putting his hand over Die's and pressing the first two fingers of both their hands at Die's pussy. He wanted to watch his lover finger himself. It had been an odd fascination lately.

Die allowed Kaoru to move him, whimpering softly and then gasping when he took his hand, wondering what he was going to do with it. Once he found out though, he was - at first - grossed out. But once his fingers slid in, he couldn't help but just arch into it, shuddering. Almost immediately his hand gained a mind of its own, his body moving a little more so he could plunge his fingers deep inside himself, fucking his cunt mercilessly.

Kaoru sat back slightly and just watched, his cock twitching, growing hard again to watch his lover pleasure himself. He watched Die's rhythm for a moment, and then added his two fingers back, countering each of his lover's thrusts, pulling out when he plunged forward, and thrusting in when he pulled back. His mouth found the juncture between Die's leg and his groin and teased along it for a while, both of them torturing the other's slick cunt.

Die whimpered, his hips unsure where they belonged, bucking up and then coming back down again, the process repeating itself over and over. The double sensations sent his mind into a frenzy, head thrown back and his long, lean neck arched beautifully.

Kaoru crawled up slightly and started to kiss and nip back and forth between Die's hips, sucking the other's skin into his mouth, leaving little round patches of red and tiny circles of love bites. He made sure to watch for Die to get close, arousal boiling in his stomach as he took in the gorgeous sight of Die's long neck arched up before sliding down and flicking his tongue over the other's cock, sucking at the tip.

Die's body started to tremble, all the attention giving him a hell of a lot more to work off of and move toward his second orgasm. His pussy clamped down around their fingers, the grip getting tighter and tighter by the second. His breath caught and held, eyelids fluttering as his eyes rolled back.

Kaoru buried his fingers deep and just stroked at the textured spot inside his lover, sucking his cock deeper into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it. He hoped Die could handle more after this; he was hard and could already feel pre-cum pearling at his head. He supposed it was a good thing their goal was to have them both sexed out so the dry spell of the next several weeks seemed less terrible.

It only took a minute or so more before Die couldn't take it anymore, his orgasm hitting him like a rubber band stretched to its limit and snapping. He screamed, a gush of hot fluid pouring out over his and Kaoru's hands, wetting the bed under him as he came. As he arched and strained, wiggling around, a few more spurts of hot liquid rushed out of him. By the time he was done, he was laying lax against bedsheets, literally gasping for air.

Kaoru waited for Die to ride it out, sucking his and Die's fingers clean before crawling up and straddling Die's waist, kissing his face and neck gently, trying to help him relax and come back to the world. His dick pressed against his lover's stomach as he stretched forward to kiss Die's brow, down to his ear, suckling the lobe a bit noisily.

Die lay there in a warm bliss, shivering softly. He yawned a bit and then rubbed at his hair a little before gently pressing it to Kaoru's side. "Take me," he murmured, feeling the hardness of his lover against him.

Kaoru playfully swiped the tip of his tongue over Die's bottom lip, kissing him in a short peck. He had said he'd do whatever Die asked... but he had an idea. One that didn't really deviate so much from Die's request as elaborated on it. "Can I try something?"

"Anything," Die murmured, his state still kind of half on cloud nine.

Kaoru grinned at him, trailing his hand down Die's chest as he left the bed, limping slightly as he went to closet and dug through his suitcase, coming back to the bed with his double-ended dildo. "I knew this would come in handy," he chirped, settling back between Die's legs. "First... I wanna know how deep you are." He'd never had a size complex before, he was happy with his cock, not really caring so long as it was of average length, and in his opinion, it was fairly thick, and rather pretty, thank you very much. But seeing Die take a fist like that had made him curious about just how much the other could take (and, seeing as a fist was on that list, just how in the hell he could satisfy Die, and even more, how the other was always still so tight.) He popped one end of the dildo into his mouth to warm and lube it up some, deep throating it a little and making sure Die was watching.

Die watched Karou's every move, staring at him while he went and retrieved the dildo and then watching as he deep-throated it. A smirk came to his lips and he shook his head. "It will surprise you how much position matters," he murmured, having already done quite a bit of trying to figure it out when he was younger, just for the pure hell of wondering where the shit that hole in his body went.

Kaoru raised a brow and pulled the dildo back out of his mouth. "Mm, get on your knees, then?" He knew it was always easier for him to receive from behind while he was on his knees. Maybe this would help a little with the surprise element as well, since Die wouldn't have a clear view of what was going on.

Die managed to pull himself up, turning over and then sticking his ass up in the air. What Kaoru didn't know was that behind actually shortened the passage, making things feel even better for him. All the same, he just did as he was told, silently.

Kaoru pulled one side of Die's lips over with his thumb and slowly pushed the plastic cock in, sinking it into about the same length as himself, twisting it around a little, and then continuing to push slowly.

Die felt it come in, moaning happily as he took it. Insertion always felt like heaven to him, even if it was just fake. His body clamped around it and then released, a low moan coming out as he did.

Kaoru kept pushing until he felt the passage resist or for Die to protest.

Die gasped when the dildo got only about an inch past Kaoru's dick length. He whimpered and then pushed back against it, forcing it against his cervix rather harshly.

Kaoru gave the other an inquisitive look. "Huh-uh, you're lying." He thrust the dildo a few times, feeling it hit against the end of the other's passage. "I'm not buying this..." He laughed a little. "What position helps it go deeper?"

Die giggled, his head bowed. Shaking his head, he murmured, "Hang on." After a few moments, he flopped down on his back and spread his thighs, not moving his legs up at all. "Now do it... and push... hard."

Kaoru gave a nod and pushed the dildo in, ramming it into his lover, wondering just how much deeper this position would allow, waiting for it to hit the other's cervix.

Die took almost ten inches of the twelve the double-ended dildo had to offer before he'd hit his max. He cried out and then moaned wantonly at the mixture of pleasure and pain.

Kaoru's eyes almost bugged out. "Holy sweet fuck..." He watched his lover writhe around for a while and then started to twist the dildo, thrusting it in and out, working two fingers into his lover alongside the plastic girth. "Now, when you said double penetration," he started, settling himself on his knees between Die's thighs, "did you mean two at once, or both holes?"

Die couldn't help but moan and writhe as Kaoru shoved the plastic dildo into him. He whimpered when Kaoru asked him the question, his cheeks warm with both arousal and embarrassment as he managed to get out, "Both," as his answer.

Kaoru gave a little nod and practically leaped from the bed to the bathroom door, grabbed the lube, and jumped back on the bed, not wanting to leave his lover hanging. Quickly, he lubed himself up and then pressed two fingers into Die's ass, slowly, still twisting and thrusting the dildo with his other hand.

Die gasped at the addition of fingers in his ass, knowing if Kaoru pressed up at all, he'd feel the dildo there.

Kaoru swept his fingers around, an odd look on his face as he scissored his digits around inside his lover. "Well, this feels kinda weird..." he shifted and pressed the blunt head of his dick against his lover's tight bud, spreading Die's legs a little more. "Think you'll be okay with this?"

Die nodded, his cheeks still flushed, though now he closed his eyes and waited, biting his lip while he tried to relax.

Kaoru held onto Die's hips and pushed in slowly, sinking all the way in. He shifted around a little, pulling Die more into his lap. "You alright?"

Die moaned rather loudly, allowing Kaoru to move him around as he saw fit. Once he was in his lap, he let out another pleased sound, sitting there with his arms around Kaoru's neck, nodding.

Kaoru gave a nod and buried his face in Die's throat, starting to bounce his lover in his lap, thrusting up into him as he came back down, biting at his neck and leaving angry, dark marks. It felt so tight inside him, and he could feel the dildo sliding in and out of his lover, pushed in each time he pressed into his lover, and slipping out slightly as he lifted him back up, through the thin muscle. It was interesting, for certain.

Die let out a continuous string of long moans and random curses. His arms clung to Kaoru, his body tense and starting right back up the ramp he'd just come down.

Kaoru kept up a steady pace, the bedsprings creaking. It was almost like jumping on the bed, in a strange way, only his dick was in Die's ass and a dildo was shoved inside his lover's pussy. Much better way to go about it, actually, he decided. The tightness from Die's cunt being filled and the sounds Die was spilling out were bringing him close, hard and fast. He clung to his lover and started thrusting faster, grunting with effort.

Die just hung on for the ride, unsure what else to do besides love everything that was happening to him. He shivered and whimpered, a tiny orgasm came through him, a trigger from all the delicious feelings he was earning.

Kaoru gripped Die harder, whimpering into his throat. "Oh fuck, baby, I'm gonna cum..." he whined loudly and slowed, then stopped, hips arched up into Die, clenching his teeth as he filled his lover with his release, staying there for a long moment after his climax had finally peaked out, slowly letting up from his tight grip on Die.

Die's arms tightened and he clung to him, panting while he felt Kaoru release inside him. "Kaoru," he moaned quietly.

Kaoru shuddered and then laid Die down on the bed, slipping out of him and kissing along his jaw. "You good?" he panted, hand going down to pump the dildo slightly.

"Very good," he murmured quietly and then shivered, closing his eyes, still clinging to him.

He smiled, shifting back and slowly pulling the dildo out of his lover, just throwing it at the sink to sit there with Die's strap-on, and laid down, pulling Die against him, stroking his hair. "Mm, fantastic." He played with his lover's hair with one hand and ran the other up and down his broad back.

Die moaned softly and then licked his lips a little. "Agreed," he replied.

Kaoru smiled and pulled the sheet around them, fitting against Die's body. "I love you, Die." He kissed the other's ear and tried to feel his heartbeat against his side.

Die yawned a little and then blinked slowly, smacking his lips faintly. "I love you, too," he murmured.

He wasn't really sure why, but Kaoru got very sappy after sex. Laying with Die against him like this, sated and sweaty and fit around each other's bodies perfectly, made his heart swell with joy and a sentimental mood settle over him that almost felt sad in a way. There was a lot swirling through his head, but he kept his mouth shut, letting himself be comforted by Die's closeness.

Die sniffled softly, mostly from exertion. He stuck his nose against Kaoru's neck and then yawned again, closing his eyes.

Kaoru just laid for a while, holding Die against him, then realized it was late and tomorrow Die had to fast. "Do you want to eat something now? So you don't feel like you'll starve to death tomorrow? Maybe go ahead and drink a lot of water so you won’t get too dehydrated."

Die blinked and then nodded. "Ah... yeah." He slowly moved to sit up and leaned over to the phone and picked it up. Dialing 4, he asked for room service and then asked for prime rib, baked potato, carrots, a side salad with cheese and ranch dressing and iced tea. Then he glanced at Kaoru. "Want anything?" he asked softly.

Kaoru had made himself useful kissing along Die's throat while the other was on the phone, hands ghosting over him, still hungry for his touch, just wanting to feel and taste his skin. He hummed at the question. "Fruit? Like, pineapple, preferably?" He swirled his fingers around Die's nipples slowly. "And a grilled cheese sandwich." It was his post-sex craving.

Die turned his attention back to the phone and then asked for a grilled cheese and pineapple. They agreed and Die smiled, asking for it to be added to the room tab. Once he hung up, he sniffed a bit and then smiled at Kaoru. "I seem so pricey in comparison to what you ordered, baby."

Kaoru plopped himself in Die's lap and combed his fingers back through Die's hair, completely mussing it, then rearranging it, thanks to the product in his lover's hair. "Mm, you're also gonna be starving tomorrow, you deserve to kind of pig out tonight. Even if it is technically cheating." He smiled and kissed Die slow and deep for a moment before getting up and going to start cleaning; first the strap-on and the dildo with toy cleaner from his bag, and then himself, brushing out his hair until it shined blue-black, and pulled on his silk robe, tying it around his narrow waist. He was still limping a little, but was moving around much easier, seeming fairly unaffected.

Die let Kaoru play with his hair, his eyes at half-mast while he enjoyed the treatment. He let out a chuckle at the comment on deserving to pig out and then yawned a little, laying his head back while Kaoru cleaned everything up, Die not bothering to even move.

Kaoru slid the balcony door open and stood just outside of it, leaned against the wall between their balcony and one next to it, and lit one of the cloves he'd bought earlier. Several of his favorite sensations and tastes all collided; warm, heavy night air, city air, meshing together with cooled, circulated air from inside, the silk against his skin, the cloves, the lingering tang of Die on his tongue, the sore spots over his body from his lover's rough and thorough treatment. He took another drag, the cloves crackling and sparking slightly, watching Die with an adoring fascination that came along with the territory of being absolutely head-over-heels in love.

It took Die a while before he moved, slowly getting up and half-stumbling to the bathroom to relieve himself of the ache that had settled low in his abdomen, a consequence of the tea and alcohol mixing. Once he was done, he cleaned up a bit, washed his hands, and then came back to the bedroom, pulling on a pair of boxers and a tank top from the mess that was his suitcase.

Only a few minutes passed before there was a knock on the door and a voice calling, "Room service!" on the other side. He moved to the door, opening it and taking the tray, signing the bill, and then closing the door. He put their food down on the little table next to the bed and then settled down, one leg tucked under him in the chair as he unrolled the silverware to prepare to eat his portion of the meal.

Kaoru ground out the cigarette and came back in, opening his computer and taking the memory card out of his camera, sitting cross-legged on the bed and nibbling around the edges of his grilled cheese and the pickle spear that had come with it, loading all of the images he'd taken that day into a quick slideshow and going through them, deleting some that were just plain awful, and then organizing them from stock to "need Photoshop desperately" to the good shots in the warehouse and surrounding areas, the stuff that was actually his art, not the junk he did to make money.

Die ate quietly, just watching Kaoru move his fingers over the keys and play with the mouse to move things around on his computer. He sniffed a bit and then finished up his baked potato and his prime rib, managing the carrots after a few more minutes.

Settling back, he licked his lips and then yawned, wondering when Kaoru was going to offer to let him look at his chosen photos.

Kaoru opened a new folder and threw condensed copies of the images into it, along with a few from the photo shoot with Kyo and set it to a full-screen slideshow so that Die could flick through them, putting the laptop on the table in front of his lover. "Thank god for people who still buy stock photography. That's gonna pay my rent." He laughed a little and settled back against the headboard.

Die took the computer and then started pressing the arrow, slowly, moving between the images while he listened to Kaoru. Again, he winced over that and then murmured, "I'm paying the room service tab for tonight, just so you know. And anything extra from the room."

The photos went through the stock stuff first; people and street signs and buildings, but all with the angle and eye that was distinct of Kaoru's work. There were a few interesting ones of the warehouse district and the back alleys of some restaurants, obviously the "need photoshop" selections; the natural lighting had not been very good. Next were a few of Kyo, some that were options for the interview spread, and a few candid that Kaoru had switched to black and white. Last was the warehouse Kaoru had apparently snuck into. Peeling paint and rust was littered everywhere, like some post-apocalyptic autumn, the crumbling concrete and oxidized iron like trees up into the canopy of raftered roofing and broken glass windows. The lighting was, as Kaoru had said, amazing; ethereal and bright shafts through dirty window panes and holes in the roof, patterning against the dirty floor through the steel mesh catwalks. It was obvious were squatters had set up their camps in corners, and the front desk still had a cup full of pens, the mug reading "World's Best Grandma", a yellowed desk calendar with the corners curling up persisting it was still 1995.

Kaoru rolled his eyes at Die's comment. "My parents were always pretty wealthy. Sometimes I like having to really work, I feel like I've earned what I have. It will only take a couple months of ass-busting and I'll have caught back up. I like doing things for you, baby. If I really couldn't financially handle it, I wouldn't do it."

Die's eyes slid over each photograph twice. The first was with the critical eye of his own profession (one that tended to blend every art together into a new creation) and the second time was with the eye of only a friend and lover. He kept pausing every once in a while for a long time and then moving onward. Finally, he stopped, done with the collection and then just tried to shake off what Kaoru was attempting to tell him. He'd pay for what he felt like he needed to pay for rather than making his lover broke.

Then he jumped right for the reason he'd been paused on one of the abandoned warehouse photos for so long. "How much do you charge for the stock photos? And for the love of god, charge it right. I found one I could use for one of my projects and my boss will pay whatever is necessary."

Kaoru watched Die go through the pieces, chewing on his thumb nail. When Die asked about the piece, he got up and sat on one of his lover's knees, flipping back to the one he'd paused at for so long. "This one? This isn't stock. This is my own." He smiled a little. "But for you? And so long as it's a corporate expense, I'll sell rights to the raw image for... I dunno, a hundred?"

Die watched Kaoru flip back through and then nodded when he asked if that was the one. But at the mention of it being his own rather than stock, Die pulled a little face. "Ah... no, it's fine, Kaoru." He moved his hand over to the arrow keys again, pressing them back. "Tell me when I get to the stock, yeah?" He didn't want to put his lover into a situation where he was selling something that he didn't want to sell just because Die was in a relationship with him.

"Boy!" Kaoru bopped Die lightly on the head with his palm. "If I didn't want to sell it, I wouldn't, you haven't gotten me that pussy whipped yet." He rolled his eyes. "I'll sell it to you because I trust you as an artist not to turn it into shit." Regardless, he let Die know when he'd reached the stock. "All this and back is stock."

Die yelped when he felt the light smack to the back of his head. Pouting at Kaoru, he then puffed out his cheeks. "But... if it wasn't stock, then I don't want to take something that is your art just to make my own, Kaoru."

Kaoru shrugged. "I have no problems with you using the raw image. But if you do, then fine." He got out of Die's lap and settled back on the bed, waiting for Die to go back through the stock photos. "Though, there are some I trashed that you could use if you like them. The lighting wasn't good, but if you're just using it for a base, it shouldn't matter. I can dig them out of the recycle bin."

He nodded and then started flipping through things. Nothing really stuck out to him like the one he'd seen before, but he still felt like a douche for bugging about something he didn't really have the full right to be using, especially when it'd be plastered to billboards across the country if the customer liked it enough. He opened the recycle bin himself and rooted around, still not seeing anything else that jumped like that to him. Finally, he just stretched and then looked over at Kaoru, blinking a little.

Kaoru just looked at him, widening his eyes and extending his neck in an almost smart-ass gesture. Sometimes Die's passiveness kinked his nerves, but he did his best to quell the irritation. Kaoru wasn't the flippant type--if he said something was alright, then it was alright. "You can use it. I'm serious."

Die flushed when Kaoru stared at him like that, somehow just knowing what was coming right after. He frowned a bit and then sighed when he heard it. "Kao... the project I had it in mind to use it for could end up plastered on billboards everywhere if the company likes it enough. There is no way in shit a hundred is covering that kind of usage."

Kaoru rolled his eyes again. "Then don't use it. Or you come up with what you think they should pay me, since it's out of the company till, anyway, I don't care. If you want to use that one, I'll let you."

He stared at him for a long minute and then replied, "Thousand. Easy. I've paid more than that before for a base for a project. Sometimes the pure sum of what I paid for the pieces ends up being what makes the client like it more. You know how some people are... stuck on the monetary value of something rather than the artistic value." He shrugged and then got up, coming over to the bed and straddling Kaoru, planting his hands on his chest and then staring at him fixedly.

Kaoru stared at Die rather incredulously, then blushed when his lover straddled his lap, one hand coming to Die's hip to steady him, the other rubbing the back of his head. "So this is why I almost failed Art Business..." he gave another tiny shrug. "Whatever you want, baby. If you can actually pull that one over on them, I'm not complaining." His hand on Die's hip slipped down to the back of his lover's thigh. "Can we just make out now?"

Die grinned down at him and then leaned down to kiss him. But he didn't let their lips touch, instead he hovered about an inch away and flicked his tongue out, running the tip of the pink appendage over Kaoru's lips in a delicate fashion. After a few moments of that, he crushed his mouth to Kaoru's and kissed him hard (if not a little harshly).

Kaoru's eyes slipped shut as he parted his lips slightly, his lids fluttering to feel Die's tongue trace the line of his mouth. Heat shot through him when his lover's mouth descended on his and he reached and grabbed Die's ass with both hands, pulling the other closer against him, kissing him back just as enthusiastically, fitting their mouths together. He didn't think he'd ever tire of the feel of Die's lips.

Some small part of his brain wanted to laugh. Kaoru thought he wasn't going to make it through as much as Die and yet... so far they were head-to-head on the whole boning one another thing. But the outward reaction was instead to mutter, "Gonna fuck the shit out of you if you let me," before crushing his mouth to Kaoru's again.

Kaoru pulled away just long enough to yank Die's tank top off over his head. "Oh god, do it," was all he got in before he dove back in, sucking at Die's tongue, biting his bottom lip a little hard, growling into his mouth. He was going to regret it later, his ass was still rather sore from just not so long ago, and he was certain any neighbors on their floor, or maybe even the people below them, were getting quite the pornographic experience listening to them fuck each other like rabbits, but his usually relaxed sex drive had amped up, knew he was getting nothing but blow jobs for a while, not to mention he just loved to have Die ramming into him, anyway.

Die almost snarled into the kiss before he pulled away, dismounted Kaoru and then yanked his lover's legs up and apart before settling right back between them. He pulled Kaoru's legs higher and then settled under him, his crotch close to Kaoru's ass, lady dick right against his asshole. Maybe he couldn't be nearly as efficient without Kyo's expert hands to guide the way, but hell he'd give it a go anyway.

Kaoru gasped as he was thrown back on the bed, catching up with the quick pace after a shocked moment and pulling off his robe, throwing it to the floor. He let Die push him into any position he wanted, looking at him inquisitively. "I don't know if that's going to work, baby..." After all, he had been rather loose, for lack of a better term, after Kyo, and the pleasure of the occasion had been more about the novelty of having Die inside him, really Die, for the first time. But, they could always make an attempt. He laid back and rocked his hips against Die's, breath hitching a little. "Try. So long as it gets you off."

Die stared at Kaoru for a long moment before he shook his head. "Doesn't matter if it does or not," he murmured, mostly under his breath. The point was trying, nothing more and nothing less. He licked two fingers, rubbed himself into full arousal and then used those two fingers to try to guide, as Kyo had. He got past the first ring of muscle, which was about as far in as he would get anyway, given his length, and then settled with a moan. He bit his lip a little and then just leaned forward, grinding rather than humping, moaning like some kind of porn star as he did it.

Kaoru hummed a moan through his nose, wrapping his legs tight around Die's waist. It wasn't particularly stimulating, but the visual of Die against him without any cumbersome straps and with _warmth_ in him and Die's hips pressed to him... it was emotionally satisfying, and very much so, if nothing else. He wrapped his hands around Die's biceps and let his head loll back, arching into his lover, focusing on the friction against his nerve-dense sphincter, groaning quietly.

The redhead let out louder and more obscene moans, starting to toss out obscenities and dirty phrases as they continued on. Surely the neighbors didn't need to hear him telling Kaoru he'd 'pound his ass into next year' or that he 'wanted to be a contortionist so he could fuck him and suck him at the same time'. But, all the same, the neighbors did hear it.

Kaoru tried his best not to laugh, he loved Die's dirty talk; it was always the most absurd things possible, and it was the most aggressive his lover really got, verbally, but when he started in about being a contortionist, Kaoru lost it, laughing and moaning at the same time, wrapping his arms up around Die's neck and pulling him into a kiss, pressing his smile against the other's mouth.

Die let out a moan and then a smirk, his hips grinding down hard enough to maybe even hurt. But it was all pleasure to him and he just rode it out all the way to the very end, his hand coming down to Kaoru's dick, stroking him hard and fast. With a cry, Die lost it, shuddering against his lover and then stopping.

Kaoru arched up into Die's touch, pressing his tongue between his lips and knitting his brows, knotting one hand in his own hair. He knew Die had cum, but he tried to push it aside and focus; orgasm was proving elusive, as it wasn't nearly as easy for him, much to his disappointment, to cum multiple times, as it was for Die. After a moment, he reached down and wrapped his hand around Die's, squeezing, helping him out some and adding more warmth over his cock.

Die whimpered softly, doing his best to get Kaoru off from this. After a moment, he drew his hand away and then stared at him for half a heart-beat. "Gimme a sec." And then he was off to the bathroom, coming back with a wet cloth in only a few seconds. He quickly cleaned Kaoru from base to tip and then tossed the cloth aside, leaning down and taking his lover into his mouth, sucking for a moment and then twirling his tongue over the head.

River-silt eyes rolled back, showing the whites before his lids fluttered shut and he took two big fistfuls of the sheets, back straining. Die was an expert at this, and it never failed to amaze him to be reminded of his lover's talent. He took in a shaking breath and let it out again in a whine of the other man's name, one hand coming to rest on the back of Die's head. He just let it relax there for a moment, but then as his need grew more urgent, his balls drawing up tight and a feeling like a bow string being pulled taut from his dick to his chest, he couldn't stop himself from pressing against the back of Die's head and forcing him down on his cock.

Die maneuvered himself well, bobbing and sucking, lapping and humming. When it came down to Kaoru pushing on the back of his head, he just accepted it, relaxing his throat and allowing the other to shove him down on his dick. Another moan and his eyes moved up to watch Kaoru's face, knowing he was close.

He fisted his hand in Die's hair and held it in place, thrusting up off the bed a few times before his body locked up for half a second, and then he was cumming, pulsing into his lover's mouth, letting out a wavering, long moan.

The redhead's eyes stared up at his lover, watching him while he came. Every drop he was given, he swallowed without complaint. He lapped at the tip and then pulled back, smiling at his lover as he settled back on the bed, licking his lips.

Kaoru laid there for a moment and then rolled to get onto his hands and knees, crawling over to Die and laying on top of him, still out of breath and heavy-lidded, kissing his lover lazily. He made sounds and syllables, but not really words, finally pulling away a little and looking down at Die. "You. Are too amazing. What did I possibly do to deserve this?"

Die oomphed when Kaoru flopped on him, his bladder protesting the change in pressure. He bit his lip and then smiled, though it was a little strained. "Mmm... you're you, that's all." It wasn't the most intelligent answer, but it'd have to do. He squirmed out from under Kaoru and headed for the bathroom, stopping on the way to grab something from his pants, unseen by Kaoru. Into the bathroom he disappeared, leaving the door wide open in his haste.

He opened the little cloth bag, extracting a blue plastic tubular device and then settled to stand in front of the toilet, slipping the thing between his pussy lips and then bracing one hand on the wall as he leaned forward a little. A moment later, he was urinating though the tube, into the toilet with an utter sigh of relief.

"Mou!" Kaoru whined with Die wiggled out from under him, watching him head to the bathroom, leaving the door open, smiling at his little butt flexing as he started to piss. Then it hit him... "Wait." He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "...How are you doing that?"

Die startled a little when Kaoru said wait. He tried to stop his stream, blushing something awful. Somehow he'd gotten just comfortable enough around Kaoru that he hadn't bothered to close the damn door. "Um... I..." he had no idea what to say and his body seriously wouldn't stop voiding his bladder. So instead, he hung his head, trying to push it out faster to get it over with.

Kaoru got up and toddled into the bathroom, going up behind Die and rising onto his tip-toes, peaking over his shoulder. "What is it, what is it?" he asked in a kiddish voice. He was well aware of the fact that afterglow and exhaustion sometimes turned him into a living anime character, but the endorphins were still rather abundant, and he was curious about this new skill of Die's he had not been aware of.

Die found it even more humiliating that Kaoru was bouncing around behind him, trying to look. After a few moments, he finished off, pulling the device free, a little pee spilling from its tip after he moved it from his body. He shook it off a little and then almost shoved it at Kaoru, flushing and then fleeing toward the sink.

The device itself was pale blue and shaped almost like old-school medicine measurement tubes, only the end was more blunt and slit so that the urine could escape from the tip and into the toilet. The side of the tube clearly read TravelMate.

Kaoru almost shrieked to have the thing shoved at him, his OCD extending to slight body-fluid discomfort, despite the fact he drank Die's cum, but he held it at the very tips of his fingers, inspecting it. "Nifty!" He looked around and then decided to set it on the back of the toilet, bumping up next to Die and washing his hands, as well.

Die had his head bowed, his cheeks flaming red the entire time. When Kaoru sat it down, Die didn't bother drying his hands, instead went and picked it up, wiping up the back of the toilet where it'd touched and then came back to the sink and turned on the hot water, starting to rinse it. Somehow even though Kaoru had said it was nifty, he still felt embarrassed at having been caught using such a thing.

Kaoru stepped back, watching Die as he dried his hands off. "...Baby, are you embarrassed?" He let a slow smirk tug his mouth. "You've cum in my mouth, silly. I don't think there's a lot to be embarrassed about." He leaned and kissed his lover's cheek, going back into the bedroom to start getting things ready for them to go to sleep. He turned around when he was halfway across the room, though, and waggled a finger. "But you better still close the door when you're takin' a shit, that's just nasty." Turning to his computer, he pulled up a playlist of funky Japanese electropop and turned it on low as he went about putting some things away and straightening up the bed a bit so they could crawl under the sheets.

Die stared over at his lover, nodding a little as he finally dried the device off and then tucked it back in its little fabric holder. He padded back out and then snorted. "Don't worry... I'm not that open, Kaoru... that's just... uggh..." he shuddered a bit and pulled a face.

Kaoru snapped and then pointed at Die. "Glad we're on the same page." He danced around a little bit, pulling out an outfit for tomorrow from his bag and setting it in a chair, then pulled out a big pair of boxers and a baggy, worn-to-softness Bauhaus t-shirt that was a violently bright acid green. Something about his bubbly mood and the large clothes swamping him made him look, save for his tattoos and the little bit of a stubble he was getting, having not shaved since before the interview with Kyo, like a big child.

Die watched him for a while and then went to fetch his clothing, pulling the boxer briefs and the tank top back on and then flopping on the bed, stretched out, staring at the ceiling. "Mmm... Kaoru? Know what?"

Kaoru stood in front of the mirror over the desk and braided his hair so it wouldn't get quite so tangled while he slept. He turned slightly towards Die while he put a hair band around the end, bending down to get the balm he used once a week on his tattoos to keep the ink vibrant out of his bag, walking around to the bathroom to start rubbing it onto all of his tattooed flesh. "What, sugar?"

"I love youuuu," Die responded before he rolled over and curled up on his side, hands tucked under the pillow. He yawned cutely and then settled down.

Kaoru chuckled and got finished going through his nightly routine, cutting off lights and sliding in between the covers, hugging around Die's waist and fitting against him. He leaned and kissed Die's ear, settling down and trying to get comfortable. "I love you, tiger."

The response from Die at the kiss, Kaoru's warmth against him, and the nickname was to mumble something that might have vaguely sounded like 'I love you, too', only utterly muffled by both bedsheets and his lips. Another yawn and then he was out, as if someone had flicked a switch off inside him.

Kaoru got comfortable, with his face in Die's throat, where he could breathe in his lover's scent all night, and drifted off, fingers idly stroking his lover's back slower and slower.


	22. Chapter 21

With no alarm and a night that had left his body in need of some rest, Kaoru dozed well into late morning, snuggled against Die through the night. The sun was striking him full in the back through a gap in the blinds, hot and making him sweat at the back of his neck. His arm, tucked under him so that he could lay on his side and have the other arm around Die, was starting to cramp, but what actually woke him was the apparent urge somewhere in dream land for even more of what had made him sleep so long. He woke with a painfully hard cock, and to himself grinding lazily against Die's ass.

Groaning a little, he opened his eyes, staring at Die's red hair and mentally glaring at his cock, which he could tell was leaving little damp spot of pre-cum on the other's boxers, having slipped out of the slit in the front of his own. He really didn't want to go jerk off in the bathroom while his perfectly good lover was just twenty feet away, but he didn't think his dick was going to calm down anytime soon, especially with Die's heat radiating under the sheets like it was. After all, this wasn't your typical morning wood. Usually, he could get up, move around some, and it would fade so he could finally piss, which was the real reason he'd been hard at all. But this... no, this was the genuine article.

Deciding he would, apparently, have to take care of this man-to-hand, he carefully slid out of bed, pouting and stumbling to the bathroom, taking off his t-shirt... and then an idea struck him. Stopping, he let an evil grin pull at the corners of his mouth, and he dropped his boxers and t-shirt right on the floor, sneaking back over to the bed and lying behind Die. He was lucky the other had shifted slightly up on one hip in his sleep, lying more on his side than flat on his stomach like usual, which would have made this probably impossible to sneak. With patient care, he slid down Die's boxers, just far enough to make the act possible, and then, taking the lube which had sparked the idea, he slicked himself up liberally. Scooting close to Die, he slid a finger between the lips of his lover's pussy, finding the passage and then pressing his crown against it. Then, holding Die's hip to steady himself, he began to push, slowly sinking into his sleeping - though probably not for long - lover.

Die had been in and out of consciousness for a few hours. But around mid-morning, Die woke to something he could only define as incredible. He moaned softly, feeling something warm and hard moving slowly inside him. It turned him on like nothing else he'd ever woken up to and he let out a longer sound of pleasure, butt arching back toward Kaoru's warm body. "Kaoru," he breathed out, one hand sliding back to grasp his hand, pulling it down between his own thighs, urging him to help him hold is leg up so his lover’s cock could get deeper.

Kaoru smirked, pressing his face to Die's neck, shifting his arm under Die's leg and holding it back against him, reaching to wrap his lube-covered fingers around his lover's cock and stroke. "Mm, good morning," he purred, his deep voice hoarse with sleep, his movements slow and sensual, his body still half-asleep, really.

Die's every breath moved both of them in the most erotic of ways, the position making Kaoru's dick flex against his front wall, brushing over the best place each time. His hand wrapped around Kaoru's wrist, hanging on while he just closed his eyes again and allowed everything to continue, loving everything about it.

Kaoru kissed and nipped lazily at Die's shoulder, grinding against him, giving quick thrust deep into his lover. The angle seemed to be perfect for both of them, the sensitive underside of his glans rubbing against Die's g-spot, and even with his leg pulled up out of the way, his lover's pussy lips still squeezed around his base, adding a unique friction. Trying to make sure he didn't snag the ring through the base of the little dick, Kaoru started to pump Die faster, the motion slightly awkward due to the size and bendable nature of the appendage, but he'd gotten used to doing it, knew how to adjust. His lips wrapped around Die's ear and for whatever reason, the filter he usually had during sex so that he wouldn't spit out all the dirty things that raced through his head, turned off and he growled out, "I'm gonna fill you up, baby, unh, you feel so fucking good, so fucking tight." His hips moved a little faster, body pressing closer against Die's back.

Die groaned and moaned, happily allowing Kaoru to do all the moving while he just clung to both Kaoru and the bed. He licked his lips a little. When Kaoru started spitting out all the dirty talk, Die started moaning louder, his inner walls clenching around Kaoru's dick. He liked being talked to like that, loved doing it himself as well.

Kaoru's movements began to become erratic, pushing in deep and grinding hard, his other arms coming around under Die's neck and around his shoulder, holding him against his chest, fingers finding one of his lover's nipples and worrying at it. He rolled Die's dick between his fingers or a while, mimicking what he was doing to the nipple. "Nn, I'm gonna cum... anh, Die, I'm gonna cum, _shit_!" He whimpered, clutching onto his lover and stroking him off with a full grasp again and then a soft, trembling cry left him and he tensed, sunk deep inside Die, cock pulsing, filling Die with his hot release.

Die whimpered, pushing back against him, shivering while he felt the other start to tense. Heat washed over him, his body tensing harder around Kaoru's dick. And then he was being filled with Kaoru's hot release. He moaned loudly, arching hard toward that stroking hand. "Pull my nipple... harder... please," he whispered softly.

Kaoru obliged, staying inside his lover, not even thinking about pulling out anytime soon. His fingers worked at the nipple harder, pulling it, though mentally he held back, remembering that those nipples had been cut off and sewn back on not so long ago. He sucked at Die's neck and stroked his cock up to the tip, then curled his hand around and took the little dick between his index and middle fingers and sliding down to the base, squeezing it, his palm rubbing the tip, and pulling up, almost like he was milking it.

Die moaned loudly at the pain and pleasure that came from his nipples being pulled. He whimpered and then shuddered at the new position. Once that came, he shuddered and then cried out, cumming hard.

Kaoru pressed his face into Die's neck and squeezed onto him hard, feeling his lover's walls clench around him, tight, and then spasm, slowly growing less intense. He let go of the little cock and draped his arms around the other, still inside him, relaxing as he curled around his back. "Mmm..." was all he could really get out, almost wanting to fall back asleep for a while, but knowing that would be rather unproductive.

Die let out a still sleepy moan and then snuggled back against his lover, biting his lip. "Love you," he murmured softly.

Kaoru tucked one leg between Die's, rocking his hips into the other slightly. He kissed his shoulder and purred, "I love you, baby," his hands rubbing circles around Die's chest and stomach.

Die let out a little purr and then murmured, "Hnn... sleep... more... still."

Kaoru chuckled a little, but decided that was probably the best idea. Cuddling Die, he napped for a while. It was noon before he just couldn't sleep anymore and he started to shift around, realizing he was still inside Die, though soft, a fact that pleased him in an odd way. Gently, he shook his lover's shoulder. "Baby... come on, you should get up so you can sleep tonight. You'll need to be rested for tomorrow."

Die took in a long breath when Kaoru started shaking his shoulder. He smacked his lips and squinted his eyes open. "Hnn... what time is it?" he slurred out.

Kaoru smiled and nuzzled him. "Noon, pumpkin." He propped himself up on his elbow and gazed down at his sleepy lover. "Gotta fit in some more fucking and anything you want to do that you might not be able to for a while."

Die smacked his lips again and then yawned widely before licking his lips. "I think... I'd like to go for a jog. I don't think I'll be able to even walk right for a while."

Kaoru grinned and gave a nod. "Okay. There's a park not too far from here with a track." Finally slipping out of Die, he got up and washed off a little, then started pulling out a pair of track pants and a tank top form his suitcase, getting some socks and his running shoes from by the door. "How far do you want to do? I usually do about five miles, but you put a hurtin' on me yesterday." He grinned over his shoulder.

Die struggled upright and then wandered around doing his morning routine. Once he was dressed in sweats and his tank top, then tennis shoes, he laughed and shook his head at Kaoru. "A mile maybe."

Kaoru stood and put his hands around Die's waist, tickling him slightly. "Aw, come on!" he teased. "With legs like yours, you should be able to do two and half. Especially if I can." He smiled, though, letting Die know he wouldn't push him, especially when his body needed to be nice and rested and well in less than twenty-four hours. Taking his hair down, he brushed it out quickly and re-braided it, then grabbed the key card and head for the door.

Die rolled his eyes and then shook his head. "Hey, I'm not going for strenuous here. I'm going for fun." 

"I knooow," Kaoru said with a smirk, kissing Die's cheek as they head towards the elevator, getting a little look from the middle-aged Midwestern couple that had just stepped into the car. Kaoru got in and gave a nod that the wife had held the door, even though she looked very uncomfortable, and just to be a prick, he put his arm around Die, hand on his hip.

Die was well aware of the other people's discomfort, but he didn't really care to make it any better. Instead, he just accepted what Kaoru was doing, leaning into it with a happy grin. "How are you guys doing today?" he asked politely.

Kaoru clenched his teeth so he didn't start laughing. The wife leaned forward a bit around Kaoru to smile at Die awkwardly. "Fine, thanks," she replied in a Yooper accent, she and her husband practically running off the elevator when the doors opened at the lobby. Kaoru walked out with Die, moving his arm up to his lover's shoulders. "That is too easy." He chuckled, kissing Die's ear. "And way too funny." Die smiled politely until the couple was out of earshot and then he cracked up, shaking his head. “No shit.”

Heading to the door of the hotel, he started up the street. A few blocks north, they came to a park with some nice shade trees and a quarter-mile track around a small pond. He stepped over to an oak and used it to start stretching.

Die followed close beside Kaoru, walking with him to the park and settling into stretches with him. Die chose to sit on the grass and do his stretches that way, spreading his legs and then leaning toward the center, arms outstretched.

Kaoru watched him, smirking. He loved that flexible body. Bouncing on the balls of his feet while he waited for Die to finish, Kaoru looked around and realized there weren't many other people around, thankful for that. He hated being passed constantly by faster runners, or having to dodge slower ones, or people walking, or moms with strollers or little crowds of kids. "I'll try to follow your pace, but if you're just going to do a pleasure-run, I might leave you for a few laps." Kaoru liked to make sure he stayed at a good pace. Three or four times a year, he ran 5 and 10K races, and twice he had done half-marathons.

Die flicked his eyes up to Kaoru and then nodded. "I need to stretch longer. You can go ahead and start out and I'll catch you on the second lap, okay?" He didn't mind being slower if it meant he could enjoy rather than feel strained.

Kaoru gave a nod and bent down, pecking Die on the lips. "Mmkay, see you in a minute." He started off down the path, disappearing around the bend into a clump of bamboo. No sooner was he out of sight than a golden retriever trailing a leash came bounding across the park with a man behind it, calling after it.

"Casey!!! Casey, come here!" The dog stopped at Die, panting and shifting around excitedly, tail thwacking its sides each time it wagged. The owner caught up, out of breath. "I'm sorry!" he apologized, taking up the leash again. The dog lunged forward a little, pressing its nose against Die's shoulder, receiving a slight leash tug to quit. The man knelt down in the grass beside Die to catch his breath for a second. He was young, probably in his mid-twenties, with short dark hair and wide grey eyes. His features were strong and hinted rather clearly towards Eastern European heritage, with a hooked, charming nose and a wide, but thin-lipped mouth. His body was well-developed; slender and muscular, almost bulky, and none-too-hidden in the soccer shorts and tank top, and he had that certain groomed appearance that made it fairly certain he was gay.

Die looked up at the yelling, staring at the obviously spunky dog that was headed right for him. Rather than try to get up, he just stayed where he was. The owner was honestly in the attractive category, though not really Die's type.

The man smiled at Die, getting a good look at the other, a weird look coming over his face. "I'm so sorry about that, she gets a little excited sometimes over red, it's so weird!" Casey barked a little as if to agree, panting with her tongue out, still staring at Die, eyes begging for a petting. Her owner extended his hand. "I'm Jay. I come here a lot, I've never seen you before. Did you just move?" The strange look became a little more familiar now as he kept smiling; he was definitely flirting with Die.

At the comment, Die arched his eyebrows, trying to look as clueless as possible. It was more than obvious that the other was flirting with him and Die really didn't like brushing people off in a blatant manner. "Ano..." he started, then smoothly in Japanese, "eigo ga wakarimasen." He shook his head and then gave himself a very distinct Japanese accent while shaking his head. "No Engrish. So sorry." All the same, he petted the dog. It didn't deserve to be put in the same category. He'd just be nice and pet it.

The other's face lit up at the response, the dog nuzzling under Die's hand and giving little woofs in appreciation. "Watashi wa nihongo ga sukoshi warakimasu!" he informed Die rather proudly, and over-pronounced. It was obvious the "little" was not a modest addition to his statement. "Are you on vacation?" he asked in broken Japanese, still smiling at Die, and then, rather blatantly, "you're very handsome." No blush, no shy smile. One might wonder if he hadn't meant to say that, had thought he was saying something else, or if he really had such a quick ‘in for the kill’ process. He pointed to his dog, licking at Die's hand happily. "She likes you."

The redhead honestly almost died inside when the other responded in Japanese. Oh what fucking cruel world made this white-ass guy fucking speak Japanese? Outwardly, he tried very hard to remain neutral. He continued on in Japanese, not wanting to out his lie. "Sort of," he replied to the question about vacation. But the part about being handsome made him blush something awful. He just shook his head and then patted the dog. He slowly unfolded himself from the ground, dusted his butt, and then looked around for Kaoru, hoping the other would maybe save him. It was that or he was going to have to burst out telling the other he was a girl... or something. "Ano..." he ran a hand through his hair, feeling very awkward.

Jay stood, still beaming. "You are!" He laughed. "Don't be shy..." He paused, continuing on in a broken pattern, "There's a really nice trail, if you're going for a run... I could show you." He lifted his brows hopefully, stepping a little closer to Die, the dog staring up at him with pure love in her eyes.

Die took a step back when the other took a step forward. He pointed at the path around. "My boyfriend started ahead of me," he murmured, flushing. He ran a hand through his hair again, still flushing. "Sorry." He bowed slightly then, hoping he could just get the hell out of there.

About then, Kaoru came around the bend at the opposite end of the park, looking up and trying to figure out why exactly Hunky McBeefcake was talking to Die. Either way, he wasn't very fond of it, able to tell immediately from the other's expression and body language that he was flirting with _his_ man, goddammit. It also didn't help that he felt a little threatened by the man's height, build, perfect teeth, and all-around macho hotness. Jogging up closer, he tried to appear completely unfazed, calling "Daisuke!" - calling Die in public with English speakers, he'd found, was sometimes a little awkward for people who misunderstood the meaning - and wondering if Die would just join him so that they could both get away from who Kaoru had dubbed ‘Younger and More Good-Looking Than Me’.

Die looked up when he heard his name and then patted the dog before repeating his apology and then running off toward Kaoru, falling into step with him, keeping quiet until they would be well out of earshot of the guy.

Kaoru waited for a moment, as well, and then asked, pacing his words with his breathing, which he kept at a rhythm for more endurance. "Were you just cruised?" He was slightly amused by the idea, but mostly crabby and jealous. Did it have to be such a complete stud? Why not a normal looking guy? Then maybe he wouldn't feel so jealous, or like such a whiney, possessive boyfriend for being jealous.

Die screwed up his nose. "Yes... and the fucker spoke Japanese, too. I tried to pretend I didn't know any English." He actually scowled at the idea of it.

Kaoru started laughing, bumping into Die. "No you did not! You're so bad!" He chuckled. "You should have mastered a heavy Japanese accent by now, dating me." He shook his head, jogging at a more relaxed pace now that Die was beside him. "I've had that happen before, though... someone will hit on me in terrible Japanese. I seem to get that a lot, actually, when I'm at the bars. The Asian fetish-people just know how to find me." He made a face and leaned to awkwardly kiss Die's cheek as they were running. "Then again, you are super sexy, of course he'd want to hit on you."

Die actually flushed again when Kaoru told him he was super sexy. "Why does everyone think I'm hot?" he asked, looking vaguely confused. It wasn't that Die thought he was ugly, it was more that he thought he was far too feminine to be attractive in a manly kind of way.

"Well first off," Kaoru started with a smirk. "You're technically a Japanese girl. Statistically the hottest thing on the planet." He laughed, pressing the back of his hand to Die's arm. "And second, you have the most amazing smile, and big, gorgeous eyes, and that sexy, long body..." He licked his lips and waggled his eyebrows seductively. "You don't notice how people look at you, baby. I feel like if glares were sticks, I'd have to beat guys off you with them."

Die actually turned his head to stare at Kaoru, a genuinely confused look on his face. "People... look at me?" He supposed he'd gotten so used to crawling into a hole and trying to avoid anyone that hit on him like the plague that he'd just come to assume that people weren't actually hitting on him in the first place... or some such logic. Vaguely, he wondered what had happened to his sense of self-worth somewhere along the line.

Kaoru lifted a brow. "You really don't notice? Every time we're out together, people are checking you out. Men _and_ women. You're really unique looking, and I think a lot of the attention probably is because you're androgynous. I told you that when we first met, there have been studies showing people are instinctually more sexually attracted to androgynous features."

Despite the flush from jogging, it was still obvious that Die ended up with another kind of blush over his features. He just bit his lip, unsure what - if anything - to say in response to that. Instead, he just nodded and went with the proverbial flow.

Kaoru let them fall silent, taking two quiet laps around the park. When they got around to the start of the trail, Kaoru patted Die's back. "I'm gonna run ahead, I'll catch back up with you in a second." He started running ahead nearly double the speed of his lover.

Die watched Kaoru go, his eyes bright as he watched how strong and elegant his lover looked running like that. A lot of people looked incredibly awkward when they ran, but not Kaoru. He was like a true athlete; beautiful and lovely. He smiled to himself, keeping the same pace as before.

Kaoru ran ahead, making two laps by the time Die had just finished with one, catching up to him and slowing back down to Die's pace. "One more lap?" he asked, slightly out of breath.

Die smiled at him, nodding, concentrating on his breathing. "Two," he breathed out before launching himself into a much faster pace for one whole lap. He wasn't just jogging now, he was flat out running, smirking to himself to see which one of them could be faster.

Kaoru grumbled a little but started sprinting after him. He was able to keep up, but just barely. His lover had the advantage of those long legs. When they finally got back around to where they had started, he was huffing, just barely beyond a walking pace. "Shit! I'm never racing you," he managed to get out, laughing a little.

Die slowed down once they got all the way around, mostly just walking fast while he concentrated on breathing. He let out a breathless laugh.

Kaoru kept jogging, they could do a cool down walk on the way back to the hotel. It wasn't as strenuous or as long as his usual run, but after the work-out he and Die had been giving each other back in bed, his legs were already starting to burn and his heart rate had been up and steady since the first lap around the park. By the time they reached the back side of the pond, he was having to really dig in to finish.

Die was further behind Kaoru, having put a lot of effort into the last lap. He wasn't a religious runner and it made a world of difference in their stamina. By the time he got back around, he had slowed to a full walk, his hands on his lower back, supporting himself that way.

Kaoru stopped jogging as he reached the tree he had stretched at, walking over to it and stretching again, waiting for Die. He concentrated on getting his breathing back to normal, hoping he still had enough in him for the shower sex he had planned once they were back at the hotel. _...Yeah... I'm pretty much always down for sex. I think I'd have to have my leg amputated to pass it up._ He smirked at himself, doing side bends to open up his rib cage, which had been bordering on cramping a little.

Die came to Kaoru, stopping there and giving him a look. "I feel out of shape in comparison to you."

Kaoru laughed, putting his arm around Die's shoulder and slowly walking back towards the hotel. "I run at least twenty miles a week, babe, don't feel outdone." He kissed Die's cheek and dropped his arm down, linking his pinky with Die's. "Come on, I'll bone you in the shower and then we'll figure out what other kinky shit we want to do." He laughed a little, like temple bells. "I do need to run a few errands, but they shouldn't take more than an hour or two."

Die smiled at that, walking along with Kaoru, back in the direction of the hotel. He just padded along, happy and content in how they were together. His definition of kinky shit was probably far different from Kaoru's, so he just kept his mouth shut on that one.

The air-conditioning of the hotel lobby felt wonderful, making goose-bumps ripple over Kaoru's arms. Walking to the elevator, he took one up with his lover and then headed down the hall to their room, opening the door and kicking off his shoes, starting to strip as he walked farther in, heading to the bathroom to start the water. "I was kidding, you know," he called back. "We don't have to fuck in the shower. I told you I'd do whatever you want, and I meant it. ...Just nothing that could put us in jail or leave permanent scars, okay?" He chuckled a little, leaning naked in the door frame to the bathroom.

Die trailed after Kaoru, pushing his shoes off as well once they were in the room. He offered a shake of his head. "The shower is just fine with me, Kaoru." Because, honestly, all of his kinks were entirely out there on the unusual scale. He bit his lip a little, eyes going over Kaoru's naked body. After a moment, he started stripping off.

Kaoru's eyes darkened and he stepped backwards towards the shower, smirking and stroking at himself. "Well then, come on. Don't make me start without you." He stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain shut, rinsing off the sweat, turning the water down to lukewarm for a while, needing something a little cool instead of his usually scalding hot showers.

Die finished stripping off, following him into the shower. He rinsed his body off as well, making a soft sound of pleasure as he did so. He licked his lips a little and then grinned.

Kaoru let his hands wander Die's body greedily, waiting for him to rinse off the sheen of sweat before shoving him against the shower wall and kissing him hard, grinding their hips together. He traced along the inside of Die's lips with his tongue, moaning softly, one hand pinching Die's nipple, the other rubbing at his slit.

Die honestly couldn't believe how eagerly Kaoru was going after him. He moved his hands to Kaoru's butt, squeezing it as he arched toward him, kissing him back almost desperately.

Kaoru slid his cock in between Die's thigh, thrusting it against Die's slit, letting it slide along the folds of his lover's cunt, moaning, teasing Die, wanting to hear him beg for it, or just shove it in himself.

Die let his breathing become heavier and heavier as his lover thrust against him that way. He moaned loudly, arching toward him a little, head hitting the wall. "Hnn," he let out.

Kaoru bent down and hooked his elbows under the back of Die's knees, standing and hefting his lover up, long legs around his waist, Die's weight rested against the shower wall. He flexed his cock and let it prod at his lover's pussy, the head sliding between the lips. He wanted to sink into that tight heat so badly, but he was determined to have Die completely on edge before he started to fuck him, something that would be rough and quick, but satisfying.

Die whimpered softly when Kaoru's cock pressed against him. He wrapped his long legs around him and arched closer. "Please... Kaoru... fuck me," he moaned out.

Kaoru leaned in and grabbed a chuck of Die's shoulder between his teeth, thrusting in, hard, and immediately began to fuck Die senseless, the shower spray hitting his back. He spread Die's legs a little further and ground his hips, pushing in deep. "Tell me what you want," he growled in his lover's ear. "What you really want, baby."

Die moaned, arching himself into the fucking. "H-harder!" he begged, shameless in his want to have the whole thing actually border on pain.

Immediately, he started viciously snapping his hips into Die, hard enough to bruise them both, pulling out briefly and prodding his crown in and out for a moment before stabbing back in, hard enough to slam Die back against the shower wall each time. "Is this what you want?" he panted out, "Is this how you want to be fucked? You are such a little slut." He was grinning, though, sucking at Die's neck, doing his best not to cum, to focus somewhere else, his motives to get Die off, not use him for his own fix.

With every single thrust into his body, Die moaned, arching harshly. It was exactly what he'd wanted and the moment that Kaoru added in the dirty talk, he could feel his arousal mount even further. The water in the shower wasn't the only thing that was soaking wet.

Kaoru was panting, mouth hung wide, forehead pressed to Die's shoulder, eyes barely open. He paused for a moment and just rubbed his hips in circles, then pulled out, letting his cock slip up between the engorged lips, stroking alongside Die’s cock. "Beg me to make you cum," he purred into his lover's ear, wriggling his tongue into the delicate shell.

Die whined loudly, clinging to Kaoru. "I... oh god... Kaoru... please... please make me cum, baby!" He was damn near screaming it, his body trembling harshly.

Just hearing the words made him want to shoot, but he grit his teeth and slammed back into Die, angling his hips as best he could to try and practically batter his lover's g-spot, bending his knees until they rested against the shower wall and sort of bouncing Die up and down on his cock, barely holding onto his own control.

Die cried out louder, the way Kaoru was fucking him making him see stars. His fingernails dug into Kaoru's shoulders, his hips jutting forward at an almost awkward angle. "Oh god! Oh fucking fuck!" He let out a rather girly cry. "I'm gonna fucking cum so goddamn fucking hard!" Already his pussy was throbbing, the desperate need building hotly inside him, so close.

Kaoru practically sobbed, his legs starting to shake with fatigue, his balls drawing up. He clutched Die's thighs and doubled his efforts, eyes squeezed shut as he started to cum. "Shit! Oh god, Die!"

All it took was the feeling of Kaoru's hot release filling him to push him over the edge. He let out a harsh cry, damn near a scream. He shuddered harshly, pussy throbbing around Kaoru's dick.

Kaoru heaved for breath, leaning into Die, squishing him against the shower wall. "Oh fucking... fuck. Shit... goddammit." He let Die's legs slide back down so that his lover was standing on his own feet and carefully slid out with a slight hiss. He felt like his dick was starting to get raw, but honestly, it felt good.

Die whimpered softly. When Kaoru finally got out of him, he slipped down to crouch, panting softly, his head bowed. "Woow," he moaned softly.

Kaoru stumbled backwards until he hit the other wall of the shower, sliding down it and melting, his face a picture of bliss. "I am so gonna miss this..."

Die lifted his head to stare at him and then nodded. "God... tell me about it," he murmured. "Fuckin' hormones gonna kill me." He sighed softly.

Kaoru huffed a laugh, just lying there in a heap for a while. After a moment, he got back on his feet, offering his hands to Die to pull him up so that they could actually shower.

Die stared up at Kaoru for a moment and then finally accepted the hand up. But after a moment, he bit his lip and then reached out of the shower, tossing the bath mat down and then starting to step out. He wasn't clean, but he seriously had to take a piss now and he was pretty sure Kaoru would freak if he just did it in the shower with him in there. "Wait on me," he murmured, hoping the other would.

Kaoru chuckled at him, peeking his head out of the curtain. "What are you doing, silly?"

Die blushed, trying to scoot the stupid bath mat with him toward the toilet. "Have to pee... bad."

Kaoru laughed. "Just pee in the shower! It's part of being a man, I swear. There are some lazy disgusting things that just come with having a dick." He smirked, closing the curtain again and starting to wet his hair.

Die whined a little, shivering and pushing one hand down between his legs. Which way? He frowned and then shuddered, shuffling back toward the shower. He got back in, eying Kaoru for a moment before crouching down and starting to pee, blushing. "I didn't think you'd approve," he murmured.

Kaoru shrugged, rubbing shampoo into his hair. "So long as you don't pee on me... well, maybe, but not without warning, then I'm good." He closed his eyes and scrubbed the shampoo into a good lather, groaning at his own hands against his scalp.

He stared up at him, an odd look on his face. But then he laughed. "For serious?" Maybe Kaoru was freakier than he thought. He smirked and then stood up, moving closer to Kaoru and reaching to get the soap.

Kaoru shrugged, rinsing his hair. "I've had guys do it before. I don't get it, but I guess it doesn't really bug me so long as it's in a shower and they get off." He kissed Die's cheek. "Why, does my baby have a pissing fetish? I know there's shit you like that you won’t tell me..."

Die flushed brightly, refusing to answer the question, just shifting a little uncomfortably while he soaped his body up. He bit his lower lip, wondering how Kaoru could be such an agreeable person, especially with something so completely off the wall.

Kaoru moved so that Die could get under the water and rinse, watching him blush. "Die, you don't have to be bashful about asking for what you want. I might say no, but it's not like I'm going to blow up at you or something." He leaned in and kissed his lips shortly. "It's not like I haven't been freaky with you. Do you know how many guys have walked out when I ask them to choke me?"

He accepted the short kiss and then furrowed his brows at the mention of people walking out for that. "But... that's not... all that freaky," he murmured. "Lots of people hold their breath during sex. It's almost the same thing." He put the soap down and started to wash off, using his hands to do it.

Kaoru shrugged. "Some people get really freaked out by rough sex, and that's what I like about being choked, not just the asphyxiation." He slid closer to Die and put his hands on his lover's hips. "So what other secret kinks are you not telling me about?"

He squirmed a little, feeling honestly rather panicked now that he was put on the spot. Swallowing hard, he sniffed a little. "I... it doesn't matter though," he tried, murmuring quietly.

Kaoru frowned, wrapping his arms around Die's shoulders and stepping close to him. "Yes it does, baby." He sighed. "We've been together for... a good while now. There's been a lot of trust. You should be able to tell me you like freaky shit! Like I said, it might be something I'm just not comfortable doing, but I'm not going to flip out on you."

Die shoved his face against Kaoru's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut while he made a little whimpering sound. After a few moments, he sighed, shaking his head. He just dove in, having no idea what else to do. "Bondage, exhibitionism, bukakke, fisting, some amount of pain play... piercings and tattoos turn me on... I like watching some really fucked up shit on porn and well... kinda... what you... said..." he just couldn't bring himself to say it, especially since it was probably the most fucked up thing he had in the entire listing.

Kaoru couldn't help himself. He started to laugh, hugging Die to him. "Baby... that really isn't such a weird list. I mean, half of that we've technically already done to some extent." He pulled back and grabbed Die under the chin, tilting his face up to kiss him sweetly. "The pain play, I'd need much more detail on, but most everything else I'm pretty comfortable with." He smiled. "See? All you had to do was spit it out."

He stared at the other, actually a little afraid of the look in his eyes. Biting his lip, he nodded a little. "But... I..." he bowed his head, still feeling uncomfortable. "You... I tried..." he sighed, "never mind." It wasn't like it really mattered. He was satisfied with how their sex life was and there was no way he was going to fuck it up with his odd wants.

Kaoru stuttered at him, teasing him lightly as he started to wash off. "What, baby? I'll say this one more time, and then you're on your own with your shyness. If you want something from me, ask for it. You might not get it, but there's a good chance you might."

He sighed, reaching for the bottle of shampoo, a confused look on his face. For a moment, he gritted his teeth and then he spit it out. "I tried to blow you in the car yesterday."

Kaoru blinked. "I know. I wasn't really comfortable with it just then. But... we've done that before." He looked at Die, confused.

Die bit his lip, nodding in a bit of a confused manner. After a moment, he just shook his head. "I'm just... I don't know. Forget it." He swallowed hard. Right then, he was just incredibly confused and there wasn't really a point in delving into what he obviously was having an issue with.

Kaoru kind of gave up on the subject. He wasn't going to try and pull teeth with Die. He hoped he'd gotten the point across that his lover could be open with him, and he'd wait for him to get comfortable enough to ask for what he really wanted. Rinsing off, he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself, brushing out his hair and drying it with a separate towel and lathering up his face to shave.

Die watched Kaoru finish up and get out. He licked his lips a little and then finished up with his own shower, shampooing and conditioning his hair.

Getting out, he dried off and then moved to sit down on the bed, trying to get his mind wrapped around everything. Maybe... he'd just wait on Kaoru to be done with his errands and then determine what to do.

Kaoru finished shaving and washed his face, coming out into the bedroom and digging through his suitcase for clothes. Pulling on a pair of jeans, making sure Die saw there were no underwear involved, and a plain white t-shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his red sneakers. "I'm going to go ahead and run my errands before the schools let out and all the super markets get jammed with soccer moms." He chuckled and little and stood, going over and kissing his lover's brow. "Think you can manage without me for a couple hours? My dildo is clean and in my suitcase, just in case you want to fuck yourself." He wagged his eyebrows, completely serious.

Die blushed and then nodded, tugging him down and then kissing him soundly on the mouth. He smiled then. "I'll manage... and you get whatever you need to get done, done." He let go of him and then grinned.

Kaoru kissed him back, pressing against him for a moment. Nodding, he smiled and threw his messenger bag over his shoulder, leaving the room. He went downstairs and into the rental car, first going to a Wal-Mart and cruising around the whole store with a basket, getting panty liners in case Die had any bleeding after the surgery, and then deciding to get a pack of comfortable cotton panties, as well, figuring the liners wouldn't really fit well in boxers. He picked up a little crate of strawberries, and two containers of mixed, diced fruit, and a six pack of strawberry Fanta, some salt and vinegar chips for himself, and three different kinds of chocolate candy, plus a small chocolate cake.

Distracted, he ended up finding himself in the makeup section and ended up throwing some bronzer and several eye shadows in, as well. Checking out, he then found the hospital, to make sure he knew how to get there, and a Japanese restaurant on the way, so that he'd have somewhere to pick up miso on their way back to the hotel. Last, he drove through Japantown, stopping in several shops, mostly to browse, picking up assorted little knickknacks and the like.

At last, he made his final stop. The shrine was small and settled awkwardly among the restaurants of the area. Walking up the street to it, he entered under the toori, feeling a sudden rush of homesickness. Back in he and Die's city, there was only the Buddhist temple, and the shrine where his parents lived was more an outdoor altar with a garden, than anything else. He stepped up to the entrance and slipped off his shoes and ladled up some water from the fountain, pouring it over his hands to clean them, then pouring some into one cupped hand and sucking it into his mouth, swishing it around before spitting it back onto the grass. Stepping inside the dim room, he was glad to find he had it all to himself. He reached into his pockets and poured about five dollars’ worth of quarters into the offering box before approaching the main altar. Leaning in, he rang the bell, a sound that felt like it rippled through his whole being, bowed deeply twice, clapped twice, bowed once more, and then knelt, pressing his palms together at his lips.

For a while, he simply chanted quietly, trying to just free his mind, but the more he tried to grasp onto calm, the more elusive it became. He was worried about Die, not that he thought anything would happen, but the fact that should something happen would make his world come crashing down around him made tears well up behind his closed lids. He breathed deeply, imagining his lover's smile, imagining it a month from now, a year from now, five years from now, and finally he was calm. He walked for a while in the tiny garden, thinking and yet not thinking, and finally went back around to put his shoes back on and drove back to the hotel, sneakily scooping up some incense ashes from one of the smaller altars and putting it into a little bag. Later, when he was back at the hotel, he would sneak it into Die's pillow case for luck.

Die, on the other hand, mostly sat around in the hotel room, incredibly bored. He kept moving around, shifting and sighing. After about an hour and a half, he got up and went out on the balcony, smoking through two cigarettes, Kaoru's comment about the dildo in his bag running through his mind along with the thought that he wouldn't be able to have sex for a long, long time after the surgery. It would take a huge amount of time to heal inside. With that thought in mind, he slipped back inside, retrieved the dildo and then padded back outside with it. He settled on the patio chair, glancing around. Fortunately no one would be able to see him through the concrete waist-high wall.

He laid the dildo on his towel on the table and then lit another cigarette. This time, he ended up using his free hand to stroke his lady dick. Swallowing a bit, he glanced toward the door, wondering if he even had time to accomplish what he wanted to before Kaoru got back. By the time he stopped worrying about it, his pussy was sopping wet again. Die picked up the dildo and pressed it inside his body, arching from the plastic chair as he fucked himself with it. He continued to smoke his cigarette with the other hand, moaning around the filter of the menthol cigarette, smoking it in a rather lewd manner.

Kaoru came in and saw Die sitting on the patio through the blinds, taking his time and putting the food items away and a few of the other things from his bag, carefully making sure Die didn't see as he slipped the little bag of incense ashes into the pillow case of the pillow his lover had been using. Once that was done, he went to the door, putting one of his cloves between his lips and sliding the glass open, lighting his cigarette and then realizing that Die, mostly blocked from his view from inside by the chair, was doing exactly like he'd suggested.

His mouth hung open, cigarette stuck to his lip. Slowly, he closed the door and sat down on the other patio chair, hoping Die would continue.

Die looked up with a gasp when Kaoru came out onto the patio. He flushed a little, taking another drag from his cigarette. That kind of finished it off and he tossed it to smolder in the ash tray. He licked his lips and then let the smoke out, moving one leg up to prop on the wall, spreading him more to Kaoru's view.

With a little moan, he took his lady dick back between three fingers, jerking himself off while he fucked himself with the dildo. His hips arched and he whimpered a little, biting his lip.

Kaoru groaned, leaning forward, watching his lover pleasure himself. He smoked at the clove slowly, eyes glued to that dripping wet cunt as Die shoved the dildo in and out harshly. Unable to help himself, he started rubbing at his dick through his jeans, licking his lips.

Die had been fooling around for quite a while before Kaoru had gotten there and he had already been pretty close. He let out a rather obnoxious moan and then pulled the dildo out, squirting about halfway across the patio. He shuddered and then collapsed back against the seat, still working at his lady dick, though honestly it was almost painful at that point.

Kaoru's eyes went wide as he watched his lover come across the concrete floor, that pink passage gaping for a moment when the dildo was yanked out. Watching that kind of display, he just couldn't take it. He was on his knees between Die's long legs in a second, glad their patio was walled off pretty well and he felt like no one could really see them. He took the dildo in Die's hand into his mouth and sucked at it, tasting the tangy flavor of his lover there, and then took the thick plastic away from him, only to push it slowly back in where it had been only moments before. Reaching down, he opened his jeans with one hand, his cock springing forth. He leaned over Die and kissed hungrily at his neck. "I want to fit my dick in, too. Do you think you can handle it?" He was already pressing his cock around the edges of the dildo, eager to stretch his lover wide open.

Die sat there, panting, his dark eyes on his lover as he moved toward him. He moaned softly, watching Kaoru suck the dildo for a moment. His own pink tongue slipped out, wetting his lips as he stared at him. He whimpered when that dildo came back into his body, hips arching. He trembled softly, cheeks flushed. When Kaoru's dick sprang free of his pants, Die swore he damn near came again. "Y-yes, oh god, yes, Kaoru!" He slipped closer to the edge of the chair, biting his lip hard in concentration. Soon... soon he'd be filled. "From the top," he murmured, knowing it would actually hurt less that way.

He gave a nod, stroking himself and rubbing at Die, kissing from Die's mouth to his collar bones and back again. Carefully, he pushed the dildo down, and tried to squeeze his head in. It was almost painful. Hissing, he pulled back. "Lube. Need lube. One second." 

Die whimpered at the initial try, his fingers digging into the side of the chair arms. It really was painful, though not outside the acceptable realm.

He got up and went rummaging through the hotel room until he'd found the bottle and hurried back out, slicking himself until he was almost dripping the substance, and again, he began to kiss Die, and slide his fingers in around the plastic girth. After a while, he again pushed it down, and slipped his head in. It was still alarmingly tight, but less painful. Slowly, carefully, watching Die's face for any sign of pain, he began to push in.

Kaoru's probing, lubed fingers made Die moan, arching toward him a little bit and biting at his lower lip. He whimpered softly, though this time it was more of a 'hurry up' kind of whimper. When Kaoru started to push in, Die started up a racket of moaning and cursing. His face, though, was a mask of great pleasure.

Kaoru was shaking, it felt so good, sinking all the way in. He stayed there for a moment and tried to adjust to the sensation of his lover's passage, impossibly tight, and the extra friction of the dildo against the underside of his cock. He didn't think he was going to last long, at all. Leaning up and holding onto the arms of the chair, he began to thrust, careful that the dildo didn't slip out in the process.

Die let out a sharp cry, his head thrown back, neck displayed for Kaoru's eyes to see. Even before everything, his Adam's apple had always been prominent and with the position, it was even more so. He arched more, clinging to the chair and moaning happily.

Kaoru groaned, leaning forward and wrapping his lips around the little hill of cartilage under the pale skin of Die's neck. Everything felt so, so good, but something in him felt a little twisted. Perhaps because of the emotions he'd been racked with at the temple, he leaned to Die's ear and panted out "I love you... so much... nn... Die, you know that, don't you?" He never wanted Die to feel, despite the flourishing health of their sex life, like he was nothing more than a lover to Kaoru. Nothing could have been less true.

Die could barely concentrate on the words, but somehow, he managed to hear them all and compute them properly. He nodded a little. "I love you, too, Kaoru," he breathed out. A moan followed it very closely, the angle changing just enough to provide a new sensation to him.

Kaoru gave him a sort of dopey smile and kissed him slowly, in complete contrast to the hard snaps of his hips. He plunged into Die harshly, ramping up quickly, the slight pain from the tight rubbing against the dildo the only thing that had kept him from already losing control. He had never, even in his slutty college years, had a sex life quite as thorough and experimental as the one he had with Die.

Die cried out louder and louder, the longer he was pounded into. With a sharp moan, he started to spasm, warmth flooding around Kaoru's dick and the dildo.

When Die started to cum, his already tight passage spasming and clenching around him even more, Kaoru cried out, the sensation bordering on painful for him. Huffing and whining, he pulled out, one hand taking the end of the dildo and thrusting it a bit more inside Die, the other stroking himself off, sending sticky lines of his cum across his lover's chest and stomach with a loud, lewd moan.

Die cried out even louder, shuddering and panting, finally letting go of the seat and grabbing his hand around the wrist to stop the thrusting, all of it too much all at once. The feeling of Kaoru's cum hitting his chest, made him moan wantonly.

Kaoru stopped, sagging between Die's thighs, panting heavily. "Fucking... fuck... I... oh shit..." He laughed a little. "Baby, you fuck like a champ. Nobody takes that shit the way you do." He meant it as a compliment, and testament to how amazing of a lover Die was, leaning in and kissing him tiredly.

Die smirked at him and then shook his head. " Yeah... well... that's what hormones do?"

Kaoru rolled his eyes, nuzzling his neck and then making sure Die was watching as he dipped down and licked his own cum off of his lover's skin, leaving him wet, but clean.

Die whimpered, watching Kaoru's every move. After a moment though, he smirked. "You're stocking up, aren't you? For the dry spell of only dick sucking?"

Kaoru almost giggled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and blushing, giving Die a nod. "Yeah. I mean... are you really going to complain?" His brow cocked cutely and he pulled Die's legs around his waist, leaning in and sucking at his neck gently. "Nn... you're lucky I'm still getting it up. And besides, I told you. Until tomorrow morning, and maybe one last little quickie before we go, your every wish is my command."

Die grinned. "Fuck no, I won't complain..." he tilted his head a little and then made a soft noise of appreciation. 

"I didn't think so." He was leaning forward to kiss Die again, letting the dildo shift just a little deeper, when he heard the sliding door of the balcony next to them open and giggles burst out of that room. He froze, despite the fact the wall prevented anyone seeing them.

Die's eyes darted up when he heard the door open, but he made no move to cover himself or anything else. In fact, he spread his legs a little further apart, letting out a breathy little sound. "Do it, Kaoru," he whispered, "make me scream so they hear me...."

Kaoru's eyes were wide, mouth agape. He sort of shook, looking over at the other balcony. His brows knit together and he looked back at Die with a terrified, confused look on his face. But... what could really happen, right? Sure, he might be embarrassed, but they couldn't really get kicked out or anything... right? Still not really sure about this, he slid the plastic cock out of his lover and then pushed it slowly back in, twisting it as he went.

Die stretched out one hand, gently caressing Kaoru's cheek to try to calm him. But a moment later, he clamped onto that hair, pulling a little when that dildo slid back inside him, his body arching up, a breathy gasp escaping him. His lower half was raw... on fire with something between agony and pleasure. A shiver went up his spine, his hand pulling harder; completely unintentionally, of course.

Kaoru let out a high pitched, pleading moan with Die grabbed his hair, bracing himself on one hand against Die's hip, using the other to start fucking his lover bow-legged with the dildo. He whimpered and whined as Die tugged his hair more, his dick soft, but the pleasure still careening through his body. "Wh-what if they hear us?"

Die moaned louder as the dildo moved inside him, his head thrown back in utter bliss. "Let them," he breathed out, completely unafraid.

Kaoru made a face, not sure how he felt about this. He had to place this in the realm of ‘slave and master’ in his head, deciding that that was an order from Die, just to keep going without feeling mortified. Leaning in, he buried his face against Die's chest, hiding his blush, angling the dildo to pound mercilessly against Die's g-spot.

Die would have stopped him when he pushed his face against his chest, would have told him they could just go inside. But then he started to fuck him with the damn dildo, doing it so hard he couldn't see anything except stars and it was all he could do not to scream. A cracked moan came out, rather loud and unruly.

Kaoru slid down, the concrete starting to hurting his knees, and sucked Die off with abandon, more striving towards the goal of his lover's orgasm so that they could be done and go back inside than anything else. The whole situation made him feel kind of dirty and antsy... he was wild with Die, in their own private space together, but in all honesty, Kaoru was very modest.

Die cried out, louder, when Kaoru started to suck him off. That was pretty much all the urging he needed with the excitement of doing this where others could see or hear. It wasn't even a moment later and he let out a strained cry, inner walls pulsing with his orgasm, only a little fluid seeping out over the chair.

Kaoru literally gave a sigh of relief when Die came, hearing some quiet muttering on the balcony next to them and then the door slide open again, whoever was in the room next to them presumably going back inside. He sat up, standing slowly, and pulled the dildo from his lover, going inside to set it in the sink, coming back with the robe from the bathroom and holding it out in silent question of whether or not Die wanted to put it on.

Die blinked when Kaoru got up and left, quietly putting his feet down and sitting there, catching his breath. After a few moments, when the other came back with the robe, he just accepted it, standing up and pulling it on, tying it around the waist. Carefully, he herded Kaoru back inside, a tiny worried frown on his face. "Baby?" he murmured.

Kaoru was still blushing, fiddling with a hang nail and staring at it. "Hmm?" His hair hung in his face and he did his best to hide behind it.

Die sighed softly and then pulled Kaoru into his arms. "I'm sorry... I..." he sighed, tucking Kaoru's head under his chin, biting his own lip slightly.

Kaoru blushed even darker, pressing himself against Die, feeling humiliated but knowing he really shouldn't. He tried to shake it off, breathing in Die's scent. "No... I--I shouldn't be so freaked out by it, I just..." He pulled away, brushing his hair back behind his ear. "I'm just really modest. I mean, I know that sounds weird, considering the things I do with you, and how I dress as Yuuko, but..." He shrugged. "Honestly, my nude self-portraits are to get me past that... and I'm still not entirely comfortable with those." With a sigh, he shook it off, shaking his head forcefully. "Don't worry about. What's done is done." He sat Die down on the bed and kissed his hair. "Now... you wait here. I got some things while I was out, it will take me just one second to get them ready."

Die stared at him, frowning deeply as he told him he shouldn't be freaked out and what was done was done. He sat there, biting his lip, feeling like a total asshole for having done what he did. "Kaoru," he murmured softly when the other turned away, "Don't ever do anything that you're not comfortable with... ever." He wasn't Kaoru's ex's, but with that kind of attitude toward the whole thing, he could easily become one of the people on that list if Kaoru didn't stand up for what he didn't want a bit more assertively.

Kaoru just shook his head and grabbed a plastic bag by the bed and disappeared into the bathroom with it. After a few moments the water was heard turning on, the volume of it making it obvious that the large tub adjacent to the shower was being filled. Die waited as the other disappeared, kind of down, the post-bliss low taking him lower than he would have been otherwise. Stupid... he was stupid, that's exactly what he was. Taking advantage of Kaoru like that… how could he even think of doing that much less do it? By the time Kaoru came back out to get him, he had determined he wouldn't ask for a thing from him for a good long while. And if he did it right... Kaoru would never notice the change. Several minutes went by and Kaoru snuck out of the bathroom quickly, making sure Die didn't see inside. He went around the room, now naked, humming, closing the blinds and dimming the lights and then grabbing Die and tugging him towards the bathroom. "Come on, it's a surprise..."

He smiled sweetly and pushed the bathroom door open. There were tea lights everywhere, and pink candles scented like lotus blossoms, little green ones like green tea, greyish ones that were like cedar or wet leaves, and a small stick of incense that made the whole bathroom warm and pleasantly fragrant. Kaoru pulled his lover into the little room, and over to the tub; rose petals were floating on top of the water and there was sheen indicating oils had been poured into the steaming water, a few floating candles shaped like lily pads bobbing slightly.

He smiled a bit when he saw what the other had set up, hugging him briefly. "You didn't have to do this, Kaoru."

Kaoru's eyes twitched. He knew he shouldn't take that the wrong way, but he was really starting to. His nerves had been shot and all he wanted to do was relax in a bath with Die and maybe rub his back and just cuddle, and his whiney side, the same side that needed the sappy romantic bullshit that he simultaneously made fun of in the movies, was twisting up Die's reaction and making him want to blow out every candle and just go curl up under the covers and die.

But he was an adult, so he told his inner voice to shut it before he kicked it in the teeth and managed a smile, leaning slightly into Die's hug. "I know you don't really like romantic stuff.... but it makes me feel good doing them for you." That was about the closest he could come to what he really felt, the closest he could even really put together for himself.

Die remained oblivious that Kaoru had taken the whole thing wrong, only shaking his head at the comment about him not really liking romantic stuff. He gently touched his cheek and then held out his hand to help Kaoru get into the tub. "I do like the romantic stuff though," he murmured and then gave him a sheepish look. "I just suck at doing it."

 _Yeah, no joke,_ Kaoru thought, but thank God, he didn't say it. In fact, he felt bad for even thinking it. He loved Die. And he knew Die loved him... or at least he thought he did. He hoped he did. But sometimes he felt like he and Die were more like friends with benefits than in an actual relationship; any romantic, ‘couple’ type things were few and far between, and were usually initiated by him.

Kaoru stepped into the tub, trying not to think about it, sinking down carefully into the water, lifting his hair off his neck for a moment, making sure no floating candles got behind him--if he set his hair on fire, he was going to officially have a nervous breakdown and would be convinced the universe was out to get him. Letting the hot water start to unwind his nerves a little, he realized he was rather hellacious when exhausted--after all, he and Die had been fucking for the past three days straight, basically. His body was worn and his patience was dwindling. He did his best to let that be the justification for his pouty mood and just enjoy this time with Die.

Die could almost sense the tenseness coming off his lover. He tried hard not to say anything or even let on that he knew, but it was really hard not to. He swallowed a bit and then climbed in after him, gently settling down. For a while, he sat there, looking a little lost. After a few minutes, he gently nudged Kaoru with his foot. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured.

Kaoru's lip quivered and he was glad very little light was being thrown on his face. He forced a smile and tilted his head. "For what, baby?" Even if he knew he probably needed to have the ‘where our relationship is going’ talk with Die, right then was not the time. He wasn't going to stress his lover out right before he was about to go in and have his body really strained.

Die studied him for a long few moments and then sighed, leaning back and running a wet hand over his face. "For asking for things I should know you're not comfortable with... for not being good at romance."

Kaoru slinked across the tub, shaking his head. "I told you I'd do whatever you asked me to. It's a one-time thing. I'll get over it. Now scoot." He stood up and moved around to Die's back, shifting behind him and sitting with his legs on either side of his lover, dipping his hands in the water to scoop up some of the lavender oil and started to massage Die's shoulders.

Die made a little face, but went ahead and moved for him to sit behind him. He just decided to shut up, sitting and being quiet. Mentally, he made a list of other things he could think of to do that were romantic, really only coming up with another dinner date, movie, jewelry and flowers. He knew he was terrible at it, but it wasn't really something he could help. People who didn't have romantic things done around them really couldn't think of more to do than what was popular amongst the entire country.

Kaoru sat behind Die and worked at his tense shoulders, rubbing his neck, dragging his knuckles over his nodular spine. He got lulled into the task, his thoughts drifting, wondering if maybe he and Die were limited in the kind of relationship they were meant to have, only compatible to a certain extent and unable to progress further. He thought about what might happen if this were the case and they eventually crumbled, what it would be like being alone again with this man he'd come to be so comforted by, who could make him feel so safe with his long arms and the smell of his skin. The sadness from earlier in the temple found the pit of his chest again and the tears returned, but he made no noises, not even a hitch of breath. He just kept rubbing Die's back, occasionally pressing his face into the other's hair.

Die wasn't entirely oblivious, despite his usual nature to be exactly that. He could sense that Kaoru wasn't exactly happy behind him, the sadness radiating off of him in waves. But he allowed him to continue, allowed him to think he wasn't noticed in it, because Die didn't know what else to do. After a little while, he made a decision. He'd go out tonight, leave after he convinced Kaoru to take a nap and then do a little shopping. It really shouldn't be so hard.

Kaoru finished up on Die's back, bringing his hands up around his lover's shoulders, hugging him, kissing his cheek. "I'm trying to convince myself not to be worried about tomorrow..." he whispered. He squeezed Die a little harder and finally broke, pressing his face into Die's neck and sobbing quietly.

Die frowned deeply, leaning back against him and trying to hug him from the awkward position. "Baby... I'll be fine, I swear I will."

"It's not-" he gasped, trying to collect himself, sitting up slightly. "It's not so much that as the fact that I'm scared and like... knowing," he lost control of his breath for a moment and had to pause, "knowing how much it would hurt to lose you... and knowing it's because-" a loud, wet sniff, "because I care so much about you, that you mean that much to me." He pressed his face into Die's back again, shaking with silent sobs. "It just scares me sometimes..."

Die finally just got up, turned around, sank back down and then pulled Kaoru into his arms, two of the candles extinguishing in his haste to get his lover against him again. "Baby... please... calm down. I'll be fine. I'm not going to die on you... I won't leave you behind, okay?"

Kaoru leaned into Die's touch, trying to let himself be soothed by the familiar arms. "I don't think you're going to die, though I do worry about you being in pain, and recovering, because I've already got a lot of work lined up soon and I won’t be able to spend a whole lot of time with you... but... it's scary more because my happiness is so dependent on another person, you know? So hinged on something I really can't control."

He pulled him closer, gently petting his hair and then shaking his head. "It's okay. I really appreciated your help last time, but I know I can't always depend on it. But I have things kind of figured out and I'd read up on things. So I'll be fine, I promise."

Kaoru sniffed, nodding, just letting himself press into Die's body for a while, resting against him, listening to his lover's heartbeat. After a while, he began to calm, mostly because he was starting to fall asleep, lulled by Die's touch.

Die just sat there, feeling honestly more than a little lost. After a bit though, he managed to get up, picking Kaoru up with him and then settling his lover on the counter, wrapping him in a towel and then carrying him off to bed. He tucked him in and then went back to the bathroom to blow out the candles and drain the tub. He came back into the bedroom and gently rubbed Kaoru's arm. "I love you," he murmured.

Kaoru let himself be shifted, gasping a little to have Die lift him up, blushing and biting his lip around a smile. He lay down in the bed and snuggled against the pillows. He was almost asleep when Die rubbed his arm and told him he loved him. His heart swelled and he smiled, waking up a little bit and grabbing Die's wrist. "Don't forget!" he croaked sleepily, as if just now remembering that this was very important, "Don't eat anything! I got you food-stuffs for when we get home tomorrow, but..." he laid back down against the pillows, eyes falling shut, his hand leaving Die's wrist, "you can't eat nothin' today, okay?"

He smiled down at his lover, nodding. "I know, baby... or else I'll puke everywhere and that's disgusting." He for sure wouldn't forget anything that terrible. He gently kissed Kaoru's wrist and then moved off again, hoping his lover would go to sleep and leave him able to do what he wanted to for him.

Kaoru rolled over and found the little rut in the pillow where Die's face had been, finding the smell the most soothing, and was immediately asleep, back expanding slowly with each relaxed breath.

Die took it as a good sign, quietly getting himself dressed and writing out a note that said "Baby, be back in a bit. Don't worry, okay? Love, Die". He rushed off then, heading downtown, feeling lucky it was right before closing time for shops. He found a pretty little Australian opal pendent that was almost violet in color at the jewelry store and then got a dozen red roses at the flower place, along with a crystal vase.

Kaoru napped until the late evening, stretching and slowly waking up, looking around for Die. He panicked for a moment, not finding him anywhere, and then he saw the note and calmed down, but was made extremely curious. Shrugging, he got out some pajamas and climbed back up in bed with his laptop, going brainless on Facebook for a while and then working on transcribing his written notes from the interview with Kyo.

As if thinking about him pinged in his psyche, Kyo texted Die around the same time, bobbing around nervously backstage in San Diego. _Hey you, about to hit the stage. Take care tomorrow, you'll be fine. *kisses* -Kyo_

Die had just gotten in the cab to come back to the hotel when Kyo texted him. He stared down at his phone, smiling to himself. It was so nice to have someone else give a rat’s ass about him. He texted him back quickly. _I trust you when you say that. Thanks, Kyo. Have a great show! Send pictures! *hugs* Die_ He flipped the phone closed and smiled to himself as he waited for the ride back to be over.

Kyo quickly sent a picture back of the stage set up from the wings, and a sneaky one of fans, a few girls in the front obviously having noticed him peeking out and waving and screaming silently. _Ta da! I'll call you in a few days, make sure you're feeling okay._

Die laughed when he saw the picture, smiling and saving it by sending it to his email so it wouldn't get lost. _Have a magical night!_ He closed the phone again and then paid the cabbie, getting out and heading toward the room, in a significantly better mood. He'd done what he could for Kaoru to make him happier and Kyo had confirmed that he'd be okay... and when Kyo said it, he knew he'd be fine.

Kaoru was sitting in a baggy t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms on the floor by the patio door, watching some old samurai movie on G4 and drinking the last few of the Heineken, smoking a clove and leaning back just a little to blow the smoke out of the door. He kept getting distracted by the subtitles, some of them completely incorrect to the Japanese dialogue, the outcome of which was usually hilariously juxtaposed. He perked up when he heard Die at the door, the lock clicking open. Quickly, he got to his feet and hid the empty cans of beer, not wanting to put temptation out there for his lover, who was probably starving and parched by now.

Die padded into the room and smiled at Kaoru, his gifts hidden behind his back. "Hey, baby." He headed right for him and then held out the roses, a hopeful look on his face. Honestly, he'd hoped Kaoru would still be asleep so he could set them up in the vase, but he'd just do it in a minute instead. The little clear bag with the silver-wrapped gift package he still had tucked safely in his pocket.

Kaoru smiled, stepping back over to the door to flick his ashes. "Hey, pumpkin." He was a little distracted by the current scene, actually cheering a little in Japanese for the ronin, and suddenly there were big red blooms in his face. He blinked, surprised and kind of confused why he was being presented roses. He gave Die a weird look and quickly leaned to flick the rest of his cigarette over the balcony, closing the door. "Sugar..." He smiled. "What are these for?"

Die beamed at him and knelt down, putting them closer to Kaoru. "I... well..." this was hopeless. Die wasn't one for having a lot of lovey-dovey words to say and he just did what he could, murmuring, "Romantic?" as if this explained everything. The look on his face however was almost adorable, the mixture of sincerity and utter confusion on why Kaoru wouldn't understand.

Kaoru was very proud of himself for not laughing. Die really was completely clueless on romance, but he was trying. He obviously _wanted_ to figure out how to woo Kaoru. Smiling, he leaned forward and grabbed the bouquet and sort of hugged it, kissing Die. "You're so lucky you're cute," he teased, sitting back and smelling the roses. "Mm... thank you, sweetpea." He sort of blushed then, admiring the flowers.

Die blinked, still utterly clueless as to if he'd done something right or not. He offered the vase, a little packet of Flower Keep Fresh taped to the underside of it. "I got this, too."

Kaoru chuckled a little, getting to his feet and taking the vase to put water in it, carefully putting the roses in and arranging them a little, bringing the vase back out and setting it on the desk. "They're lovely, Die."

He absolutely beamed at Kaoru, happy with himself for having done what he hoped was considered romantic. So he went for gold, pulling out the plastic bag, opening it and taking out the little silver box, tied with silver ribbon and held it out to Kaoru with a truly hopeful look on his face. "I got this for you, too, baby."

Kaoru kind of stared at the little box, blinking at it. He was actually awful at accepting gifts, never really sure what to say. He took it carefully and started to unwrap the ribbon, flicking the little box open. Granted, jewelry boxes, as this obviously was, were generally reasons to become nervous.

Die watched, proud that he had done something all on his own to try to make up for what he'd obviously been doing wrong with only dinner before. This would surely make up for a lot, right? He could only hope that Kaoru would like it as much as he hoped he would.

Kaoru looked at the pendant, the stone unique and mostly shades of violet, his favorite color. He was so conflicted, staring at it. He loved it, and could tell Die had actually put thought into it, but at the same time, he didn't want Die to get the impression that he was the type that needed to be pampered and showered with gifts to feel loved. Taking it out of the box, blushing terribly, he opened the clasp and put it on, admiring it in the mirror over the desk. "Baby..." Kaoru's whole face was red by now, flustered by the gesture in plenty of ways. "You really didn't have to do this...." He made a little face and put his arms around his lover's neck, hugging him tight. "Thank you."

Die just grinned happily, glad that Kaoru seemed to like it, though he seemed embarrassed. That part Die didn't really understand but was willing to overlook just so long as Kaoru wasn't mad at him. He folded him into his arms and kissed his cheek. "You like it? I tried to make sure the chain was a good length and everything." Die was rambling... Die was good at that.

Kaoru nodded, rubbing Die's back, rocking back and forth with him a little. "Yes, honey, I like it." He sighed and pressed is face into Die's shoulder. "You know you don't have to buy me things, though, right? The most valuable thing you can give me is your love and company." He pulled back and gave Die a serious little look, then stepped back to look at himself and the necklace in the mirror. "...This is _really_ fucking pretty, though..."

Die nodded, smiling. "I know..." but he just wanted to show Kaoru what he wanted to have happen. He wanted romance and Die was giving it to him the only way he knew how. 

A little nod. Kaoru kissed his lips shortly and went around turning off lights, taking off the necklace and putting it with the rest of his jewelry on the bathroom counter, patting it and admiring it for a minute. He didn't want to wear it to bed, knowing with his luck, it would get snagged and the chain would break. Sliding under the covers, he patted the space next to him. "Come watch bad samurai movies with me?" he asked in a sweet voice, piling up the pillows against the headboard to sit and lounge against them. He smiled, feeling the little bag of ashes. "I went to the temple earlier today," he added, fluffing Die's pillow. "It made me feel a little better, praying for you."

Die padded around the room as well, getting down to just boxer briefs before coming over to the bed and crawling in next to Kaoru. He smiled a bit at the mention of the temple and then nodded. "Kyo texted me... told me I'll be fine." It was meant to placate and to show that he really would be fine, because they both held the same opinion on Kyo's words. 

Kaoru smiled. "Good..." He snuggled into Die's side, tucking his head under the other man's chin. "That was sort of a test, too, by the way... I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable that I pray for you. Seung," he hated that he always mentioned his ex, but the old flame was equivalent to his list of ‘never do again’, "was Catholic, and was kind of opposed to me showing, um, any form of faith. Ever." He sighed. "You know, unless I was going to all of a sudden go from being Shinto to swaying for Jesus."

Die gave him an odd look. "Baby, I don't care what faith you are. You're allowed to do whatever you see fit to do. I should have no say or anything over any of that kind of thing." Die reached over and squeezed his hand gently.

Kaoru purred, sinking down on the bed, sleepy. He turned the TV down, now the only source of light in the room. He reached out to Die and made a face. "Kiss me ‘til we fall asleep?"

Die chuckled softly and then nodded, moving over to him and curling up. He moved to where he could kind of nuzzle Kaoru's neck, kissing there.

Kaoru sighed happily, leaning and wrapping his legs around Die's, getting good and comfortable, nuzzling and kissing his lover sweetly until his eyelids were heavy, his tongue laden with the taste of his lover, and he was fast asleep.

It wasn't long before Die drifted off as well, thirsty and a little hungry, making it easier to go to sleep. After all, sleep was the poor man's dinner and Die had been there before.


	23. Chapter 22

The morning of the surgery felt tense, but not nearly as emotionally unstable as the first time. Kaoru got up as his alarm went off, shaking Die awake carefully, kissing his face and nuzzling against him. "Come on, honey-bear. It's time to get up. Gotta take a shower and get dressed." After he'd nuzzled Die for what he thought was a sufficient amount of time for him to get up, he rolled out of bed and took a quick shower himself, getting out and brushing his teeth, drying his hair and then pulling it into a bun, getting dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and his favorite worn t-shirt, letting the necklace Die had given last night sit under the fabric, directly against his skin. He threw some things into his bag to keep him occupied while he waited through the surgery, and stepped outside to watch the sunrise, thinking over a cigarette.

When he finally came back inside, he felt like he was ready for this, could handle this alright, and settled down on the bed, waiting for Die. He was starving, but if Die wasn't eating, neither was he. It was a small thing to suffer through so that he could show a little support.

Die only crawled out of bed once Kaoru was done with his shower, yawning and wincing because he was just so damn tired. Lack of food did that and he disliked knowing that was what it was. He padded into the bathroom and took his time showering, doing his hair and body twice since it would be a bit before he could do it again. That was possibly his second most hated thing about these surgeries. The first was the trip to the hospital it required.

He just dried his hair, not putting anything in it, knowing well they wouldn't let him and it would only make him feel more disgusting later with the inability to wash it out. He finished dressing, putting on a pair of grey sweat pants and a black tank top. And then he made his way out to Kaoru, who was sitting on the bed and peered at him. "Remember if I can have a smoke or not?" he asked softly.

Kaoru ruffled Die's hair, something he didn't really ever get to do with the product Die put in it and managed a still-sleepy smile. "You're not really supposed to, but it's not going to kill you." He stood and pulled Die out onto the patio, sitting doing and tugging Die into his lap, hugging him around the waist.

Die moved with him, settling in his lap and then fishing around, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one. Menthol smoke filled the air around them and he let out a soft sigh. "Poor man's meal," he murmured, smirking a little. "Well... that and a pine float." He wondered if Kaoru would know what a pine float was.

The other chuckled at the poor man's meal comment. Yeah, he'd been there. College had been living off cigarettes and endless cups of coffee. However, Kaoru most certainly didn't know what in the hell a "pine float" was. Leaning around his lover, he gave him a questioning look. "Henh?"

Die chuckled. "A toothpick in a glass of water." He smirked at his lover, shifting on his lap and leaning back as he smoked his cigarette calmly.

Kaoru paused for a minute, taking a second to get it. For all his intelligence, he was certainly ditzy sometimes. When it clicked, he snorted, starting to laugh. He snuggled Die against him, chuckling. "Mm... once you're home, you can finally eat, and I got a bunch of your favorites to comfort you tomorrow."

Die grinned at him once he got it, patting his shoulder as he finished off his cigarette and then crushing the butt out in the ashtray. He pressed a delicate kiss to Kaoru's lips. "You spoil me."

Kaoru hummed, cupping Die's cheek and letting the kiss linger on for a moment. "Mm, only for a piece of that sweet ass," he teased, getting up and cleaning up the hotel room a little, making sure the bed was already stacked with the extra pillows he'd had sent up and there wasn't anything left out to trip over. He looked around and checked his watch. "We're good on time... do you want to go ahead and head out, maybe just take it slow through the city?"

Die got up off Kaoru's lap, watching him move around, his dark eyes attentive. When the question came, he nodded. "Yeah, sounds good."

Collecting his bag, keys, phone, and anything else he needed, Kaoru slipped on a pair of flip flops and head down to the car, putting his bag in and then opening the door for Die. His anxiety level was roller-coastering everywhere, and whereas he had been calm a moment ago, now he felt edgy once more, but he didn't show it, fought it down and decided he just needed to chain smoke to lax him out.

Die put on a pair of flip flops as well and then just followed Kaoru closely, his wallet, sunglasses, smokes, and cell phone the only things he had with him. He slipped into the car, silent, staring down at his hands. Even though Kyo had said it would be okay, he still felt anxious.

Kaoru started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading slow over to the hospital. He smoked two cigarettes in a row, calming back down some, and then reached over and squeezed Die's hand, threading his fingers with his lover's. "I wonder if you'll look thinner afterwards," he pondered, feeling a little sheepish. He didn't think it would have such an effect, but he wondered...

Die flushed a bit and then shrugged. "No idea... probably fatter though... scar tissue and all that."

Kaoru reached over and sort of fondled Die's stomach. "Enh, you could gain ten, maybe fifteen pounds and still look thin, you'll be fine." He pulled up to a red light and leaned to kiss Die's cheek. "Besides, I'd love you even if you were a little porker."

Die screwed up his face. "I'd have to get a whole new wardrobe!"

Kaoru laughed, stroking Die's knee. As it got closer to time for Die to check in, he stopped avoiding the hospital and drove back towards it, pulling into the parking lot. Sighing, he got out, going around and opening up Die's door.

Die went back to being anxious the instant they parked in the parking lot, crawling out of the car and staring nervously at the building. 'I'll be fine,' he had to reassure himself in his head.

Kaoru grabbed his bag and locked the car, grabbing Die around the waist and giving him an Eskimo kiss. Walking across the parking lot and into the doors, he went with his lover up to the registration desk, giving a little smile to the nurse behind it and telling her they were there to sign in for surgery for Daisuke Andou. She nodded and sat down, then blinked and asked a little shyly, "Spell that for me?" Kaoru chuckled and did so, rubbing Die's back while he stood there. He didn't realize it, but speaking up first was just the little bit of control he needed to feel like this situation was being handled a little better.

Die moved to the desk with Kaoru, standing there beside him, feeling slightly helpless. But he was happy that Kaoru had taken control of the whole situation, leaving him free to stand there and not have to open his mouth. He watched Kaoru spell his name to the receptionist, kind of amused while he looked around the office, feeling awkward since they were in the woman's surgery ward. He moved closer to Kaoru.

Kaoru hugged him around the waist and kissed his hair. The nurse clicked through some things on the computer and then printed some pages out, putting them on a clipboard and then handing them to Die. "Here you go, just fill that out and we'll get you a room ready for prep."

Die accepted the paperwork and then nodded, holding it to his chest, eyes on the floor. He toddled of toward the waiting area, sitting in a corner away from all the women, feeling like he stuck out like a sore thumb. Shakily, he started filling out paperwork.

A few minutes passed by and a woman came to sit next to them with her clipboard. Eventually, she leaned in close and patted Die's hand, making him jump. "Cancer?" she asked.

Kaoru had his hand in Die's hair, stroking the back of it, zoned out and staring at the floor. He watched the woman get up and come towards them, but brushed it off when he realized Die was sitting beside a table of magazines, figuring she was coming to grab one. When she sat down beside him and touched his hand, asking the one-worded question, he made a face, confused.

Then it hit him. She thought Die's breasts were gone from cancer. He winced a little, squeezing the back of Die's neck comfortingly, saying nothing. If Die wanted to take the easy road and lie, he wasn't going to stop him. It was probably a lot quicker than, "No, actually, I chose to have a mastectomy because I'm really a man." Not exactly logical for everyone...

Die wanted to melt into the floor and... well... die. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Instead, he stared at the hand on his own and then up at the woman. She was an older lady, probably in her sixties. Her hair rather than being the greying color it probably was naturally had been dyed a red that reminded him of the first reds he'd used in his own hair before finding the cherry color and sticking to it.

He tried to judge how open she would be if he told the truth. After a minute, he decided Kaoru would probably punch the bitch in the face if she talked trash to him. So, instead of lying, he murmured, "No... it's optional surgery." She stared at him dumbly for a minute and then he elaborated since she didn't seem like she was a walking time bomb. "I identify as male." Sitting up a little straighter, he stuck his hand out to her. "My name is Die."

Somehow, she didn't look horrified. Instead, she still just looked confused. She shook his hand though. "Madeline," she informed. And then with a laugh, she shook her head. "Too bad you can't donate it to some of the rest of us."

He looked at her, a bit baffled and then blushed.

Kaoru sat, arms wrapped around Die's narrow waist, just listening to the exchange but staying out of it, politely. He was proud of Die for being honest, and showed it silently with a little kiss to his shoulder, feigning attention at the TV on the table a few feet from him to give them some sense of privacy if they wanted to talk.

"Ano... I don't think... that can be done," he murmured.

The woman shook her head. "No, it sadly cannot." She patted his hand and then stood. "I am sorry to have disturbed you, Die. Be well." With that, she was off, back to the other side of the area.

Die sagged against Kaoru and started filling out paperwork again.

 _Well that was kind of awkward_ , Kaoru thought briefly, snuggling Die to him while the other worked on the paperwork, hoping his touch was as soothing for Die as being close to Die was soothing for him. He checked his watch, sniffing. The surgery was scheduled to begin in a little over an hour.

Die was done in about fifteen minutes, sitting there in the waiting room, eyes holding that far-off distant look in them that meant he'd gone to the happy place in his head rather than attempting to deal with any more people asking if he had cancer.

Kaoru just sat with him, letting him have his own time, not making him talk if he didn't want to. A nurse came over and smiled, taking the clipboard and letting them know there was a room ready for surgery prep and to follow her. Kaoru stood, smiling a little down at Die, offering his hand.

Die blinked, snapping himself out of it and then took Kaoru's hand, getting to his feet and then shuffling off with him toward the room. He damn near glued himself to the other, feeling antsy.

His lover didn't mind having Die so close, wrapping his arms around him and walking almost like a three-legged race to the room, shown in and informed that a nurse would be in to do the usual blood pressure, heart rate, etc. check in a moment and to just go ahead and strip down and get into the hospital gown sitting on the bed. Kaoru nodded and thanked her and then hugged Die, tugging at his tank top to start taking it off. "Just think of it this way - you get really good drugs for a few weeks."

Die relaxed a bit once he was away from the waiting room and into the prep room. He frowned and shook his head. "God... I knew that was going to happen... with the question shit." He allowed Kaoru to take his top off and then unloaded his pockets, giving Kaoru possession of his cell phone and whatnot. "If anyone calls... well... let's see. If it's Kyo, talk to him. If it's a number not programmed into my phone or something that's suffixed with 'work', answer it and tell them I'm in surgery, like they should very well know. If it's my family... they're all programmed in... ignore it or answer it and tell them to fuck off, your choice."

He shed his pants and boxer briefs, moving to sit on the table and yanking on the gown, pulling it as close to closed in the back as he could get.

Kaoru kissed his lover gently, taking his things and setting them on the counter for now, nodding about the phone calls, laughing at the last bit regarding his family. "Mm," he hummed, "I think I'll answer if that happens." He folded Die's clothes up and put them into a plastic bag, which went into his messenger bag, before tying Die's hospital gown closed at the back and patting the bed, crawling up onto one side. "C'mere."

He sighed softly, moving to curl up next to Kaoru, his eyelids already feeling heavy, as if the place itself were drugging him for the surgery. Kaoru nuzzled him and rubbed his back until the nurse came in, smiling at them and taking Die's blood pressure and a few other vitals, informing them apologetically that the surgeon was going to be slightly late and that the time for the surgery had been pushed back a half an hour to 10:30 instead, meaning they would not come in and start anesthesia on Die until 10:10 or so. It was only 9:15, then. Kaoru nodded and the nurse left, Kaoru pulling his lover against him again, just cuddling.

Die let the nurse do what was needed, but he frowned deeply when he was told the time was pushed back. He didn't protest it, but he didn't look happy, either. He shivered and then bit his lip, looking nervous. When Kaoru pulled him close, he just cuddled there, trying so hard not to stress out.

For a while, all Kaoru did was rub Die's back and comfort him, but, he simply couldn't shake the vibe of the past several days, not to mention, he knew what always best distracted Die from worrisome thoughts. Slowly, he moved his hand from rubbing Die's back to his hip, then his thigh, and then slowly over into the v of his legs, rubbing at his little cock through the flimsy hospital gown. "Need one last fix?" he purred into his lover's ear teasingly.

Die was just leaning into Kaoru's touch, relaxing. After a while, he moaned softly when Kaoru touched him between his legs. His eyes flicked around the room and then down at the stirrups. He smirked and then murmured. "Wanna get in trouble?" He slid off the table and headed over to the cabinets, opening the one labeled 'speculum' and removed one of the packages, waggling it at Kaoru.

Kaoru actually moaned a little when Die pulled out the little device. He'd seen a few used in the straight porn he'd found an affinity for after he'd started his relationship with Die. Sliding off the bed, he fiddled with the stirrups a little bit until he got them to slide out, going over to Die and taking the speculum away, kissing him hard. "Take that awful gown off and lay down with your legs up."

Die smirked at him and then murmured, "But, Doctor... I'm supposed to leave it on." But he untied it in the back and then moved over to the table, getting up on it and waiting on Kaoru to pull out the little end table.

Kaoru giggled at Die's comment, following him over to the table, kissing his knee as he pulled up the rolling chair in the room and sat down, looking at the table, perplexed, and finally pulled out the little slide at the end of it.

Die settled low on the table, his butt right next to the edge. He put his legs up in the stirrups and then let his thighs fall open. "I don't think I need a breast exam... do you, Doctor?"

Kaoru tried hard not to giggle, picking up that Die wanted to actually role-play, he wasn't just joking around. On the back of the door hung a white lab coat, and there was a bottle of lubricant on the counter. Going over, he put the coat on and snapped on some gloves, pumping a little lubricant into his hand and rubbing it over the speculum, warming it up. "Mm, no, I think not," he answered, coming back to Die and straddling the little office chair. He was glad they were in the hospital and knew that the likelihood of anyone coming into the room before Die was to start medication was very low.

Nudging Die's knees apart, he pulled out a little bit of wax paper from the roll rigged into the table and set the speculum down, prodding Die's slit with one finger, then spreading his lips open slowly. "I just need to do a quick check-up and you'll be all set, it will be over before you know it." He was terrible at role-play, always feeling foolish and on the verge of laughter, but there was something rather sexy about getting to just poke around in Die's downstairs and explore it.

Die wriggled around a bit, rubbing his abdomen a little bit as he waited, pretending to be nervous. "They always say it will be uncomfortable for a bit... but it never is. Why do you think that is, Dr... Niikura?" He almost purred out the last bit.

Kaoru smirked, prodding at Die's passage momentarily before picking the speculum back up, spreading his lover's lips again with one hand. "I'm not sure. Some women just get very uncomfortable having such... intimate areas looked at by a stranger." He forced a very bad-acted chuckle. "But I'm a doctor! It's my job to, there's really no reason to feel embarrassed." He wanted to kick himself for those B-grade porn lines, but he kept going, pushing the speculum in carefully, all the way in, and then clicking it open very, very slowly, one, two, three, four times.

Die let out a slightly breathless laugh. "Oh... I'm not embarrassed, Dr. Niikura." He took in a deep breath when the speculum slipped inside him and began to click open. It was a familiar sensation to him, though it felt interesting knowing there was a kinky point to it this time. His inner walls flexed a bit.

Kaoru smirked a little and leaned down, gazing into Die's cunt. Honestly, he was kind of entranced; this was certainly something he'd never thought of before, what the inside of his lover really looked like, stretched open like that. He would see the little ring of Die's cervix and his lover's pink walls flexing slightly and he briefly thought of all the times he'd filled that passage with his cum, shivering pleasantly. He smiled, remembering a strange comment Sita had said one of her doctors had given her. "Mm, looks wonderful, I haven't seen such a lovely specimen in a while."

Die actually giggled at that. It was amusing to him and he squirmed a little. "Why, thank you." He licked his lips a little and then trembled slightly. He debated something briefly and then decided against it.

Kaoru just let himself look for a while, Die's body twitching a little, just natural movement, around the device holding that heavenly cavern open. He grinned, rubbing his thumb along one side of his lover's lips.

Die gasped when that thumb rubbed alongside his pussy, over the lip. "Hnnn.... Dr. Niikura," he moaned.

Another smirk. Kaoru tactfully ignored his lover's moan, despite the fact that he was kind of getting hard from being called "Dr. Niikura", and slowly removed the speculum, setting it back on the little piece of wax paper. "Now I just need to check your ovaries," he said in a chipper, seemingly-oblivious voice, slipping two fingers into his lover and crooking them up towards his g-spot, pressing down on his lower abdomen like his female friends had explained. He didn't think he'd actually feel anything, but he happened to get lucky and push just the right way and through the walls of Die's vagina, he could feel a little mass against his fingers. His eyes went wide for a minute and he pushed it a little closer, feeling at it. It was strange to think he was basically fondling one of Die's organs, and that soon, it wouldn't even been in his body, anymore.

Die gasped a little when Kaoru pushed and actually got lucky. He could feel his ovary being pushed at a little and he bit his lip. Blushing, he arched toward him a little more. "Oh, Dr. Niikura...." He allowed himself to slip from his usual more masculine voice to a more feminine one.

Kaoru pushed a little more, then moved his hand on Die's stomach and tried to find the other one, working around and then feeling it brush past his fingers. When Die moaned, he feigned a concerned look. At the change in voice, he tried to push the role-play a little, hoping Die didn't get offended. "What's wrong, Miss Andou? Is it tender?"

He flushed, biting his lip a little and then shaking his head. "N-no, Doctor... it feels... so good," he stuttered out, moaning a little right after.

Kaoru nodded, only paying attention to the part where Die was not in pain, and then withdrew his fingers, snapping off one glove. "Well, everything seems fine. You can put your gown back on now." He smiled and rolled away in the chair, going to throw the glove into the trash.

Die's dark eyes flashed with desire as he sat up a little, legs still in the stirrups. "But... Dr. Niikura," he purred out, "you've made me... so very... _wet_."

Kaoru dropped the glove into the bin, smirking and slowly gliding back over in between Die's legs. "Mm... so I have. Terribly sorry about that." He reached forward and ran his fingers up and down Die's fold, moving up and pressing his hand flat against his lover, catching his little dick in between two fingers and squeezing, rubbing his hand around. "Whatever shall I do to help you with that?"

Die let out a loud moan. "Please... oh god... please, Dr. Niikura!" He arched toward that hand. "Y-You could f-fuck me dry," he managed to choke out.

Kaoru ground his hand down harder against Die's cunt, chuckling. When the suggestion came he thought about it, finding it a rather tempting idea, but he wondered how well that would go for Die when he would see end up having the top of his vagina cut and stitched closed. He didn't want to set Die up for more pain, or worse, infection. Not to mention, he didn't want to think about how mortifying it would be for the surgeon to have semen suddenly in the mix during an operating. Making his decision quickly, he faked a stutter. "Oh! Miss Andou! I-I couldn't! I'm so sorry... but," he leaned forward and kissed the inside of one creamy thigh, "I could do other things for you." His hands slipped back and two fingers disappeared into Die, as deep as he could get them.

Die whimpered softly when he told him he couldn't fuck him. But then those fingers disappeared into him and he shivered, moaning. "O-oh... Dr. Niikura!" He spread his thighs wider, letting out little wanton noises.

"Mm, Miss Andou, you really are so wet!" He stroked his fingers around expertly, thrusting them in and out at a slow pace. He was glad Die didn't seem to be mad about being perceived as female for this. It made him wonder if he could ever be comfortable with one of Kaoru's fetishes--dressing lover's up. He knew for Die, it wasn't really cross-dressing, but dressing like the sex he'd been incorrectly born as, but maybe, just maybe, for the sake of role-play, he might eventually be alright with it. Filing that away for later, Kaoru added a third finger, leaned down and licking at Die's clit. "You're very needy, Miss Andou, has your sex life been a little dry?"

Die couldn't even really think about how he was going to answer. Instead, he cried out when Kaoru licked at his clit, three fingers inside him. "N-no, just so... oh god... horny!" He bucked up toward Kaoru and then whined, "Oh, Doctor... please, suck me more!"

Kaoru obliged, fucking Die's cunt slowly with his fingers, the glove making it feel odd, but somehow dirtier, and sucked his lover with abandon, moaning. This was probably the last orgasm Die would have, or at least, have without pain, for maybe two or three weeks, and he knew that for his lover, that was a lifetime.

Die whined, arching toward him, cheeks flushed prettily as he lifted one hand and shoved it into his hair. His hips arched. It wouldn't take much more before he was over the edge. In fact, he was close enough that he completely slipped character, crying out, "Kaoru!"

Kaoru purred at his name leave Die like that, pulling up off the other's cock and nuzzling his stomach for a moment, his own little break in character. He just let Die rest for a moment before pushing in the little table, scooting as close as possible to him and licking up and down the dripping, needy folds of his lover's pussy before burying his nose up against his clit and then his tongue into his passage.

Die cried out, his body shivering slightly at the way his lover was treating him. His back arched and then that was all it took, the added pressure sending him over the edge. A long cry left him as he came, his juices squirting out over Kaoru's tongue.

Kaoru stabbed his tongue into Die more and more, feeling him start to cum, sucking at the rush of fluid and swallowing without hesitation. Pushing Die's thighs apart, he slowly fucked his lover with his tongue for a while, finally pulling back and just lapping at him gently, letting him ride the sensations out.

Die whimpered, shivering a bit and then moaning quietly, his inner walls still flexing a little. His hand tried to find Kaoru's while he made a soft sound.

Kaoru reached out and squeezed Die's fingers, his other hands moving down to rub at his cock, pulsing needily in his jeans. He bit his lip; he couldn't cum in Die's mouth... spitting it out always made the taste linger longer, and it was just... gross. And he didn't want to fuck Die, was afraid with being so horny he'd be too rough and end up causing Die pain in the long run... After a moment, he smirked, figuring out a rather kinky, maybe even pointless form of release. Picking up the speculum, somehow having managed to stay perched on the little bit of table still sticking out, he carefully pushing it back into Die and clicked it open. Standing, he opened his pants and reached in, starting to beat off rather enthusiastically, knowing this would take no time at all, with the heightened thrill of possibly getting caught and the sounds his lover had just assaulted him with.

Die squeezed his lover's hand back, smiling a bit up at him, wondering what Kaoru would do now. After all, he didn't want to leave him needy. But then that speculum was back inside him, opened again and he watched as Kaoru started to stroke himself off. He smirked, sitting up on his elbows to watch, finding it very erotic.

Kaoru grunted softly, closing his eyes, canting his hips up into his hand a little. He let out a long moan and moved forward, stroking faster, aiming the tip of his cock into the end of the speculum.

"Come on, baby..." Die murmured.

Kaoru whined once, a loud, lewd sound and started to cum. He was glad he usually shot fairly far, the first few jets of his hot seed landing far inside Die, at the end of where the speculum was holding him open, the rest filling his lover, soiling the plastic of the device and coating the exposed walls of muscle. He milked out every drop and then collapsed down into the chair, a shudder running through him that he could actually _see_ his release inside of Die in such a graphic way.

Die moaned when he felt Kaoru's hot seed splash inside him. He felt even more erotic watching the whole thing happen. When Kaoru plopped down, Die smirked at him. "Enjoy yourself, baby?"

Kaoru panted, grinning as he stroked Die's thighs and then carefully slid out the speculum, slow, angling it to try and pour his cum that had been on it back into his lover's passage, setting the device down and then putting his gloved hand just under his lover's slit. "Push."

Die waited on Kaoru to do what he wanted. Biting his lip, he pushed a bit and flexed his inner walls, squeezing the cum back out of himself and all over Kaoru's hand.

Kaoru moaned, rubbing it around on his fingers, mouth hung open and eyes hooded. He didn't know why he enjoyed doing this so much--he assumed it was because he felt like he was claiming his lover when he filled him up, but either way, it got him off, and hard. Purring, he kissed Die's knee and then got up, starting to clean, first throwing away the speculum in the biohazard bin, then the gloves, then mopping up Die and last the table. After he was done, he put himself back together and crawled up on the bed, holding out the hospital gown. "Mm... good?"

Die watched him, laying back and waiting on Kaoru. Once he came over with the hospital gown, Die accepted it, pulling it on. He then lay back again, yawning slightly. "Mmhmm," he murmured.

Kaoru smiled, wrapping his arms around Die and pulling him against his chest, tucking Die's head under his chin. "Mm, fantastic." He kissed Die's hair and just lay there, loving on him for a while.

Die shifted a bit and curled himself around Kaoru, eyelids fluttering closed. "Thank you, love."

Kaoru smiled and rubbed at Die's flat little ass, partially exposed at the back of the dress, patting it playfully. "You're most welcome, pumpkin." He kissed Die's head again and just sat waiting for the nurses to come so that Die could go into surgery, come out fine, and they could get on with the recovery and their lives.

Die snuggled closer, smiling to himself. It was exactly time for the nurses to come in when two of them did, quickly instructing Die on how to lay, fussing with his gown and then inserting an IV into him. It wasn't even two minutes before Die gestured weakly at Kaoru, murmuring, "I love... you," before he passed out.

Kaoru leaned over and kissed Die's lips softly, brushing back his hair. "Love you, tiger..." He squeezed Die's hand and then was led out to wait, sighing and opening a magazine from his bag, at least attempting to keep himself occupied and distracted. After about forty-five minutes, his bag started to vibrate. He pulled out Die's phone to a picture message of a young man sleeping and Kyo with his face pressed up against the other's. _Look what I woke up to?_ it read. Kaoru chuckled, realizing the sleeping person in the picture was Caleb from the piercing studio. 

He dug out his own phone and programmed in Kyo's number, texting him back, _Hey, it's Kaoru - this is my number. Die's in surgery. (Glad you got laid.)_

After a moment, Kyo replied with _He'll be okay, don't pull your hair out. Tell him I send my love!_ Die's phone buzzed again with a text message from Kyo reading. _*love, sent*_ Kaoru chuckled and replied, _Thanks. Gonna go chain smoke and worry now, haha._ For another hour he walked around outside the hospital, smoking and thinking, more jittery than really nervous something would go wrong, anxious to hear that it was over and had gone smoothly. When he finally came back in, he felt like he'd gotten rid of a good amount of his nervous energy, and was able to actually read and let his mind go of the present moment.


	24. Chapter 23

It took the better portion of three hours before Die was out of surgery and in a recovery room, but he was still under anesthesia. The doctor came out to Kaoru, explaining that everything had gone smoothly. He offered to allow Kaoru into the recovery room and then told him that Die would have to spend the night in the hospital.

Kaoru nodded that yes, he'd like to see Die, following after the doctor, trying to block out how un-thrilled he was to have to sleep in the hospital. He didn't have much of a choice; there was no way he was going to leave Die there while he slept at the hotel.

It was about forty-five minutes after that before Die started to come around. The first thing he felt was almost blinding agony. By the time he opened his eyes, tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was having issues breathing without gasping.

Kaoru had been sitting in a chair beside the bed, reading. He heard the little moan and looked up, smiling, figuring Die was waking up, but when he saw pain start to contort his lover's features and tears streaming down his face, he immediately jumped up and ran to the door, opening it and looking out, calling for a nurse several times before hurrying back to Die's side, taking his hand. "Baby? Die! Oh, Die, it's alright, are you okay?"

He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer Kaoru, only closed his eyes and tried not to actually cry out in pain. Eventually the nursing staff showed up and someone figured out that his IV wasn't giving him any pain meds at all. They fixed it and it was only a couple minutes before Die just lay there sniffling rather than feeling like he was going to die.

Kaoru stayed out of the way, pressed into a corner, waiting until everything was fixed before going back over to Die's side, feeling on the verge of tears just from seeing Die in pain like that. He carefully put his hand over his lover's, leaning over him. "Oh, baby..." he reached down to wipe away the tears that were still glistening on his face. "Better now?"

Die blinked up at his lover, making a little whimpering sound. "Yeah..." he murmured softly, blinking up at him. "I'm... here," he managed to get out.

Kaoru leaned down and kissed Die's cheek, nuzzling his nose against it. "Mm, good, I'm glad." His fingers stroked at Die's in a way that, as simple as it was, eloquently described how happy Kaoru was to see his lover on the other side of the OR doors, and that they were half-way through this storm.

He continued to blink up at Kaoru until he wasn't fuzzy anymore. As soon as he was a clear vision of what Die remembered, he yawned and then murmured, "Remind me to stay doped up for a while... yeah?"

His lover laughed, nodding and sitting back down in his chair, keeping his hold on his lover's hand. "Kyo sends his love, he sent you a text right after you went into surgery with a kiss-and-tell picture of him and that boy. I guess he banged him." He smirked a little, crossing his legs at the knee. "God... I'm about to fucking starve. I hope they say you can eat soon, I'll go get something and bring it back."

Die peered over at him, watching him sit back. "You can eat, Kaoru," he murmured before making a grabby hand motion with his hand, wanting his phone. Not that he said that was what he wanted, though.

Kaoru shook his head. "I'll wait. I don't want to leave you here while you're still awake, and you've got to be starved, too." He looked at the grabbing motion. "...Use your words."

The redhead whined a little and then wet his very dry lips, murmuring, "Phone...."

Kaoru got up and dug through his bag, coming back and handing Die his phone, then taking the tube of lip balm he'd grabbed as well and held Die's chin, rubbing some on his lips before kissing him. "Better?"

Die stayed still while Kaoru applied the lip balm to his lips and then mumbled, "Mmmhmm," into the kiss before flipping open his phone and going through the texts. He smiled and tried to thumb out a message to Kyo, telling him he was out of surgery and congrats, but it came out a jumbled mess and he whined, holding it out toward Kaoru to fix.

He couldn't help it; he laughed, hard and loud and long, before taking the phone and correcting it, putting (typed by K) at the bottom, and hit send before handing the phone back. "You're adorable when you're doped up, you know that? I wish your job didn't drug test you, it would be way too fun to get high with you."

A little huff of a sigh left Die before he swallowed and then rubbed at his nose a little, the IV flailing around with his movements. "They're giving me... um... Hydrocodone," he murmured. "Prescription."

Another smirk from Kaoru. He flipped Die's hand over and started making little spirals on his palm with the tip of his finger. "We've got to sleep here tonight... I didn't even really think about that for some reason, I just... wanted to get you through surgery."

He pulled a face, staring up at his lover. Of course, the drugs in his system made the face that much more epic. "I wanna go though... not here."

"Trust me, baby, I know. Me, too. But they're making you stay overnight and then sometime tomorrow, we can go back to the hotel." He settled on the edge of the bed, holding up the book he had read Die on the plane. He'd finally gotten to the decently written, more romance-infused section. "Do you want me to read to you?"

Die frowned slightly, closing his eyes again and sighing. "They're mean," he muttered. After a moment he offered, "Yeah... sure,” in reply to being read to.

Kaoru settled onto the bed carefully beside Die, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I know, baby... you'll be out of here before you know it, though." He flipped open to the beginning of the chapter he'd been on, catching Die up on what had happened between where Kaoru had read him on the flight and now - Matsu and Yuuta had snuck out in the night and decided to leave together, but they weren't well prepared nor did they have any idea where they were going. Currently, they'd found themselves in a storehouse on the far side of someone's farm, trying to get some shelter from a cold, rainy night. Kaoru started reading in his smooth, deep voice. _Yuuta had woken up sick, and Matsu was making him tea, worrying over him and stroking his face. "No one cares for me the way you do," he'd told his lover. "Others care for me with their hands, or their medicines, or their food. You care for me with your heart, your whole being."_

Die made a little groaning sound, but hushed up once Kaoru started reading, just laying back and every once in a while hitting the button to give himself more morphine. It kept him in a state of dull awareness, just barely at the level of comprehending what Kaoru was reading to him.

Kaoru read quietly, cheek rested against Die's hair, the story progressing slowly through the two lovers trying to make it to a port city, where it would be easier to get lost in the larger population and make a new life together. Yuuta, who already had long hair and a fair face, had decided to disguise himself as a woman, so that they could be together without raising any eyebrows. Kaoru thought that was honestly a little convoluted, considering that either way, they would have to be hiding something, but he liked the development of an actual love between the characters, the deep affection and devotion the only really genuine bits of the novel. At one point, on their journey toward the coast, Matsu had even nearly died for Yuuta - they had passed through a village where it was illegal for women to speak to any man they did not know, and when Yuuta had asked a man at a fruit-stand how much the apples were, he was immediately seized, having already been guised as a woman, and threatened to be beaten. The only way out was for the offending party's husband to be given twice the amount of lashings, and to spare his lover the pain, and the discovery of his real identity, Matsu had opted for the beating. It was a rather horrible and far-fetched event, but the dialogue and feeling of the scene, Matsu's genuine selfless love for Yuuta, was deeply touching.

After a while, Kaoru closed the book around his finger. "This thing is kind of crappy, isn't it?" he asked with a little laugh.

Die listened, his attention fading in and out, more of it circling around his and Kaoru's relationship and if he had done well enough with the necklace and flowers. After a while, he curled his fingers around Kaoru's wrist, just holding on while he listened quietly, almost dozing. At the question, he blinked himself out of the stupor he'd gone into and gave a rueful little smile. "I... fell asleep." It was obvious his body was trying to blush, though it wasn't working all that well.

Kaoru chuckled and tossed the book down into the chair he'd been sitting in, kissing Die's cheek with a rather long press of lips, holding onto him loosely for a while. "Mm, you take a nap, I'm going to go ask someone if it's alright for you to eat now, and if they say yes, I'll go and get us some miso, okay?"

Die blinked at him and then nodded, pressing the little button for more morphine. It wasn't even a few minutes before he was out like a light, snoring softly. After a while, a little bit of drool started down the side of his cheek toward the pillow.

Kaoru hopped up off the bed and grabbed his bag, ruffling Die's hair before slipping out into the hall, going to the nearest nurse station and asking if there was any problem going to get food for Die.

The nurse just shrugged at Kaoru. "Depends on the person. He might throw it back up, but it just depends." With that, she turned away, trudging off toward the other end of the hallway, bedpan in hand.

Kaoru could feel himself pale. "Oh, God, I hope not..." Going out to the car, he drove to a small Japanese restaurant, ordering what he guessed was going to be a post-surgery standard to-go: miso, gyoza, and rice, along with some edamame and kitsune udon for himself. The little elderly woman at the hostess desk, presumably the owner or owner's wife, chittered with him excitedly, bringing over one of the waitresses, a young woman who was very pretty and shy, introducing her as her granddaughter. Kaoru blushed and talked with them until his food was ready, trying to remain polite, but he was honestly really uncomfortable. It had been a long time since an older Issei had tried to push their grandkids off on him in a last-ditch effort of keeping their offspring from marrying an American, but it did happen. He supposed they must have been getting desperate when they hooked on solely to the fact he was a young, presumably single Japanese man, despite his tattoos and, what he thought, was a pretty obviously gay persona. Setting the bag of food in the floorboard, he drove back, sidetracked at a little dollar store, and then finally finding himself back at the hospital, walking down Die's hall towards his lover's room, bag of food held against his chest in one arm, a plastic shopping dangling from the fingers of the other.

The very moment that Kaoru entered the room, Die struggled to sit up, one of his hands supporting him and the other pressed against his abdomen. He had tears in his eyes and he looked like he was going to possibly faint. "K-Kaoru," he whispered out, sounding like he was going to cry any minute, "p-please... nurse."

The pleading tone and look on his beloved's face slammed into Kaoru hard and he immediately sprang into action, all but throwing the bags onto the nearest flat surface and sprinting down the hall back to the nurses’ station, urgently alerting them they were needed in Die's room.

By the time the lazily moving nurse was back to Die's room, Die had his hand stuffed down against his crotch and the tears were rolling down his cheeks, his head hung, hair in his face. When the nurse asked what was wrong, all he could do was whimper.

Finally, the nurse pushed him to lay back and then pulled the curtain some, lifting the cotton sheet and then Die's gown, expressing concern that he could be bleeding. But instead, she started to giggle, immediately grabbing the large plastic jug from under Die's bed. She pushed it between his legs and situated things a bit before muttering, "You know... there's a call button right beside the morphine." She pointed at it while Die pretty much used the bottom of his gown to hide under, peeing into the jug like someone had given him a gallon of water or something.

The nurse just waited, somewhat patiently, examining her fake nails while she waited on him to be done. "At least you didn't get up to go. You're not allowed to move around yet." And then, rather unceremoniously. "Do you need to poop?"

Die actually managed to turn bright red then, shaking his head. "N-no!" Even if he did, he was pretty sure he wouldn't tell this woman.

Kaoru stood just behind the curtain, listening and peeking in. When he discovered Die had just been desperately in need of a piss, he breathed a sigh of relief, and then felt a little annoyed for having the shit scared out of him for that. He waited patiently for the nurse to finish up with him, going and getting the food bag and starting to set everything out on the little table by the couch where he would sleep that night.

The woman helped Die finish up, not bothering to wipe him up or anything after he was done, just taking the jug and pouring it into the toilet, rinsing it out and then coming back with it. She put it under the bed and then left without another word.

Die shifted a bit, staring down at himself in dismay. He was still bared to the world, dripping wet since he hadn't been wiped, and there was a little wet patch under him where he'd started to have an accident. Biting his lip, he tried to start pushing himself up, determined not to bother Kaoru with any more of this.

Kaoru pulled the curtain back and just started helping; it didn't really bother him just then. It was a need in him to help Die. Getting some paper towels from a dispenser over the sink, he pat Die's crotch very gently, throwing them away and then taking his lover under the armpits, scooting him up the bed slowly just far enough so that he wasn't sitting in his own little wet spot. He shifted the gown back around his lover and then covered him with the sheet, washing his hands before figuring out how to move the food tray over Die's lap and pushing the button to move the bed up so that he was sitting up a little more, kissing his brow softly in the process. "I thought you were hurt," he said softly. Going back over to the small table, he grabbed the container of miso and a plastic spoon and set them in front of Die, then the gyoza and rice. "I'm gonna go get us some sodas from the machine, I'll be right back."

Die blinked back the rest of his tears while Kaoru moved around and did all that Die couldn't do for himself right then. He had the distinct feeling that he wasn't going to be all that happy for the next few days after they went home. The flight alone was probably going to put him in serious misery.

He was glad to be moved though, knowing otherwise he was going to get uncomfortable... and fast. He settled in once the bed was moved around, hitting the morphine button again and then reaching for Kaoru's arm. "Kao-ru?" He sniffed a little. "Can I have iced tea? ... And a kiss?" Kaoru watched Die give himself another dose of pain killers, hoping he wasn't overdoing it, and then nodded at the request, smiling softly. He put both hands against the bed on either side of Die's head and leaned in, breathing across Die's lips for a moment before claiming them tenderly, sucking at the full bottom petal for a moment before pulling back and kissing the end of Die's nose. Straightening, he slipped out of the room and down the hall to get some drinks and two chocolate bars from the machine.

Die made a little sound into the kiss, his head tilted up as he accepted kiss and returned it. He shivered a little when Kaoru pulled back and moved to kiss his nose. Then he was gone and Die picked up his spoon, poking at the soup a bit, swirling it.

After having to trudge down three different halls, Kaoru finally found a vending machine with bottled green tea, getting two, and two bars of chocolate with almonds in it, becoming slightly lost trying to find Die's room again. He pushed open the door and set one bottle on Die's tray, cracking the top for him, before getting his food and coming to sit beside Die, slurping up a big mouthful of noodles with a pleased moan.

Die had started eating his soup by the time Kaoru came back. He looked up, a grateful look in his eyes. "Thank you," he murmured, reaching for the tea and starting to sip delicately at it, holding the bottle between both hands.

Kaoru hummed, nodding. "Of course." He fell silent and just ate for a while, absolutely famished.

Die finished his soup off and tried a little rice before he just sat there, staring off into nothingness while he sipped his tea. "I don't usually like sweetened tea… but this is good," he commented, almost out of nowhere.

A little smile. "Mm, good. Maybe it tastes better because you're so hungry? Food is always really good when you're starving." He finished his udon and got up to throw away the plastic container, coming back and stealing one of Die's pieces of gyoza, opening the box of edamame and offering some to his lover with a little questioning look.

Die peered at the edamame and then shook his head a little. "A little queezy," he murmured softly. But he didn't feel like he was gonna hurl, just that he shouldn't try anything else.

Kaoru frowned and pat his cheek, nodding and eating some more before putting the rest of the food away back into the bag and setting it aside. Standing, he stretched, thankful to be full, and walked to grab the other bag he'd brought in. He dug around in it and then came back to the bed, handing Die a big sketchpad, one packet of colored pencils, and another of magic markers. He blushed a little at the kiddish gift. "Er, I know it isn't exactly classical medium," he chuckled slightly, "but I thought maybe you'd want something to distract yourself and keep occupied."

Die blinked, staring at the gifts and then smiled, happily opening the sketchpad and then selecting a purple colored pencil. He glanced around and then pointed. "Sit and be my model."

Kaoru blushed a little. "Ah, okay?" He settled down in the chair again, hands in his lap, blinking at Die.

Die smiled then, starting to scribble out an outline and then starting to fill it in. He smiled as he changed to black for a while.

Kaoru sat patiently, watching his lover's face as he drew, rather than his hands. His eyes took in each little crease of brow in concentration, watched his tongue loll out over his bottom lip, his eyes scour across the page, fascinated. He always preferred being with artists, but the few casual boyfriends in the past hadn't honestly been very good. It was nice to be with someone with genuine talent, whose work he really admired.

He smiled to himself once he was done. It wasn't perfect, but it was certainly above average given that he didn't even have a pencil sharpener.

Kaoru noticed the tip of the pencil worn down when his lover finally lifted it from the page. He picked up the box of them and showed Die the side of it. "Don't you remember these as a kid?" he asked, smiling. "There's a sharpener built right into the box!"

Die blinked at it and then smiled, pushing the pencil in and sharpening it. "I only had crayons that you could do that with," he replied softly.

Kaoru chuckled, not wanting to peak at the sketch until Die showed him, not sure whether or not his lover was finished. He sat back in the chair again and tilted his head a little, watching the other in his element, as it were.

Die didn't have to look up anymore, the rest he did from his mind. Kaoru was the center for what was blossoming into an intricate pattern of something almost Renaissance in subject matter. Reds and oranges and yellows came in to play and then blues and in a few places some brown.

Sitting patiently, he watched each color come out of the box, the back of the pencil shifting around as Die added more to the piece. He wondered what exactly he was doing over there, and was honestly a little excited that he'd get to see some of the other's work in a more traditional medium. The digital work was amazing, but there was just something more real, more powerful about seeing a piece that was put down directly onto paper. Kaoru had always hated that he had no real artistic skill like that; his sketchbook was mostly filled with flimsy ink drawings and ideas for angles or staged shoots, but they were only sketches, nothing more.

Once Die was done, there wasn't actually any blank area on the page. Kaoru was on a throne, the colors blended to almost make gold. Tapestries hung from the walls, flowing robes adorned his lover, but the men at his feet were naked, bare except the shackles around their wrists and necks. Neither man was identifiable, though one was clearly aroused whereas the other was not. One held a wine challis and the other a bowl of fruit. All around the piece, Die had scattered vases and flowers and statues, anything to fill the space in a manner fit for a King. He sharpened the black and then neatly signed his name at the very bottom right corner, dated it and then put the pencils away, sitting back. He made a face. "Have to fucking pee again."

Kaoru leaned over when he saw what was obviously Die signing his name, looking at the piece, smiling first at the graceful looping roundedness of his lover's signature, before letting his eyes take in the rest of the piece. He literally stopped breathing for a moment, floored first by the detail and the precise hand, the colors and dynamics of the lines, and then hit even harder at the subject matter, going pale and then blushing very quickly. He really didn't know what to say. It was weird seeing himself in art. Other than his work with self-portraits, he hadn't been the subject of someone's creation since college, and then it never really seemed that big of a deal. But something about Die drawing him... he was truly lost for words.

Blessing in disguise, Die complained about his bladder and Kaoru immediately took the distraction and jumped into action, putting the sketch book and pencils on the little table and swinging it out, pulling down the sheet and lifted aside Die's gown. He then reached under the bed for the jug the nurse had used before, carefully shifting one of the long legs aside and looking a little confused between the jug and Die's groin. "Ah, okay... gonna just try this, I guess." Carefully, he put it against his lover, just over his passage, hoping this did not end up becoming a huge mess.

Die was a bit stunned when Kaoru actually started to help him with peeing. He blushed a bit and then shifted, scooting back down so he wasn't going to drip everywhere. He swallowed a bit and then pushed. Immediately a gush of urine started hitting the inside of the jug, making it obvious that Die really did have to go. He peed for a good thirty seconds before it tapered off and finally stopped. Blushing, he fell back against the mattress again and placed a hand on his abdomen. "Where the fuck is it all coming from?" he asked a bit irritably.

Kaoru frowned at himself for not remembering paper towels first, going to pour the urine out into the toilet and flush, just leaving the jug in the sink for a moment before he came back and pat Die dry with napkins again, then covered him back up before rinsing the jug out with hot water and washing his hands. He came back out and settled in his chair, smirking at his lover's musing.

Die looked agitated for a few minutes before he finally stabbed at the button for more morphine. It wasn't even a minute before he kind of deflated from huffy-pissed-off-Die to tired-stoned-sweet-Die. "Thank you, baby. You didn't have to do that. You should have called the nurse!"

Kaoru shrugged, leaning forward. "Well, you do have a piss fetish," he teased before pressing his lips against Die's.

Die's face literally paled at that. He made a soft sound that rather registered as 'oh god' before he tried to slump and hide. He hadn't admitted it directly and really, he didn't want to discuss it. Mostly, he just wished he didn't have it. He'd just been born fucked up in the damn head, he supposed.

Kaoru pouted and pulled back, not pressing the issue, just petting his lover's hair and stepping back, moving the tray with the sketchbook, pencils, and markers back in front of him and sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed beside Die's feet.

Die just stared at it for a long few moments before his eyes started finding the flaws. Slim fingers reached out to press on half the page, the other hand coming to grasp the center top edge. He pulled then, the drawing ripping right down the center while he frowned at it.

Kaoru watched him, confusion slowly contorting his features, his shoulders tensing as he realized too late what Die was doing. He was leaned on one hand, the other outstretched towards the page, when the sharp hiss of tearing paper echoed back off the sterile walls. He felt almost brought to tears to see it torn in half like that. Slowly, he sat back, fighting down a lump in his throat. "Baby... wh-why did you do that?"

He stared down at the paper, his eyes dark. He frowned and shook his head. "Too many flaws. I draw like a child." He left it like that, not really feeling like making confetti out of it. He closed his eyes.

Kaoru restrained himself just from the point of glaring, taking both sides of the ripped drawing and going to his bag, putting the halves between the pages of a thick magazine to keep them safe until he could tape them back together. If Die didn't want it, he'd keep it.

He frowned at Kaoru when he took it away. His eyelids closed and he leaned back. "I don't know why you want it... it was making you uncomfortable," he spoke up. Sniffing, he opened his eyes and then looked startled. "I... how..." his face screwed up in confusion.

Kaoru spread his hands out in front of him. "Of course I want it, it's yours. I don't have any original pieces of yours." He frowned and walked back towards the bed, trying very hard not to show the anger that welled up in him to see art destroyed, especially a piece his lover had done, and one he'd thought was beautiful. "It didn't make me uncomfortable, not like you're thinking. It's just... insecurity wise, it's strange to see you... portray me like that. But I love your work and you know it." He pulled a hand down the side of his face, groaning. "You could really be something, Die. You've just... you've got something there. It's a feeling to your art that's so unique, and so special. Don't ever doubt that." He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, frowning.

Die stared down at his lap for a long time before sighing and closing his eyes again. "I don't like making you uncomfortable," he murmured. He kind of mentally skipped over the praise, not knowing what to do with it. "I'm sorry...." He didn't know what else to say.

Kaoru shook his head, sitting back down at Die's feet, taking the sketchbook and the markers and sitting and doodling, shielding Die's view from the page. "You don't have to apologize. I was uncomfortable because I don't see myself the way you see me." Tears shined in his eyes and he held them back, sniffing. "I wish I could see myself half as beautiful as you do." It was said so quiet, he wasn't sure if Die would hear, as he distracted himself, coloring in his little drawing. It didn't take long, he wasn't really trying, just messing around, before he turned the sketchbook back over and handed it to Die.

Two stick figures, one with long purple hair, one with short red, were smiling and holding little balled hands, skipping through flowers under a blue sky and a smiley-faced sun. He blushed a little, hugging his knees.

Die frowned, his eyes opening as he stared at the other man. "Baby... but you are beautiful." He blinked a bit and then accepted the drawing. He stared down at it and then smiled. He held it back out and pointed. "You didn't sign it."

Kaoru ignored Die's reassurance, or tried to; he really didn't feel like having the argument of "but you _are_ beautiful!" when Kaoru, most of the time, just didn't believe it. He smiled a little at Die when he handed the drawing back, taking a jade-green colored pencil and jotting the date and signing "KN" in his two lines-two v swoop, the same way he signed all of his prints, before handing it back to Die.

Die took it back when Kaoru gave it to him and he smiled. "Is it how you see us, baby?"

Kaoru cracked a smile, making a gesture at his shoulders. "Mm, more fleshy. I don't think I got your nose right." He chuckled and little and tried as discreetly as possibly to wipe away the one tear that had managed to form at the corner of his right eye. For all his confidence on the outside, Kaoru was incredibly insecure; with his art, with his looks, with his ability to please as a lover, or to keep a partner's attention. His outward cockiness was really just a cold front to people, but underneath, he had little faith in himself, most of the time. He wasn't really sure why - his parents had always been supportive of him, people were always telling him how attractive he was, Die was always hungry for sex with him, but there was just some block that made him doubt, doubt, doubt.

It was honestly the biggest issue with, well, everything in his life, and he tried hard to manage it, to tell himself he wasn't the weak, useless thing he wanted to believe himself to be, but sitting there in the hospital with Die loopy on morphine, and away from his own home and things and comforts, and having just seen Die dip suddenly in mood and tear up what Kaoru had thought was a wonderful work, especially for how short of a time frame he'd done it in, he just felt very small and sad.

And of course, it didn't make it any better that he was an expert at hiding his emotions, burying them good and deep to fester, but upsetting Die right then was the last thing he wanted to happen, or that needed to. He put the markers back in the box and tried his best to cover up the chest-heavy feeling of depression setting in, handing the box back to Die.

Die blinked at him, accepting the markers back. He offered a tiny smile over the not getting the nose right bit. He knew, though, that Kaoru was a far better artist than just stick figures, but he wasn't about to point it out. He made a face and then started drawing a dragon with a green pencil. So maybe if he didn't draw Kaoru... it would be better... right?

Kaoru just sat hugging his knees, watching Die, a thousand thoughts plowing through his mind. The sight of his lover, just being able to watch him and have him there, gave him an anchor from letting the things flitting through his thoughts drag him too deep.

Die pondered over the drawing for a long time, finally stopping and flipping the page, starting to draw a lily and a rose, entwined. The rose was red and the lily was purple. It was not coincidental.

Getting quietly off the bed, Kaoru went to empty his bladder, washing his hands for far longer than was necessary, just distracted in general. When he came back out, he curled up in the chair next to Die's bed, seeming to almost doze there.

Die got distracted by Kaoru going to the bathroom, though his face heated up in shame while he stared at the door. He huffed a little and worked harder on the drawing. Eventually, he got it done, signing it and then pushing the pad toward Kaoru. "For you," he murmured, hoping the other would see the significance of it.

Kaoru blinked, coming back more into being awake, leaning forward and looking at the page, taking the pad gently and bringing it closer to inspect the details. A slow smile spread across his face. "Thank you, baby," he hummed softly, carefully taking the page out of the sketchbook and handing the pad back, smoothing the drawing out on his lap.

Die nodded, biting his lip a little as he stared at the blank page, eyes narrowed. Blank pages were like sins to him and he'd end up filling the sketchbook by the time they arrived home unless Kaoru took it away from him.

Kaoru tilted his head and thought about it for a moment, then took the pad back, setting the drawing Die had done for him on the tray and grabbing the colored pencils. He tucked his knees up and started sketching. Like any artsy Japanese teenager, he had pretty much mastered how to copy manga style in his youth, and found the only way he could really do halfway decent drawings was using this with a mix of realism. He sketched in gold and reds and heavy black, with bits of blues and fuchsias, then switched to the markers, using red, black, and yellow. After about twenty minutes, he signed it with a black marker and handed it back to Die. He'd been listening to Kyo's new single while in the waiting room earlier, and he'd had the other on his mind, always finding the petite singer an artistic inspiration. He'd only actually been to one live show, but he'd seen clips of other shows online, and really, no other performer compared. On the page, a rough drawing of Kyo arched back, taut and screaming, bathed in criss-crossing light patterns, was framed by a cartoonish marker-drawn toori. Kaoru shrugged a little. "I was listening to his new song earlier, it's stuck in my head."

Die watched Kaoru working, a gentle smile on his lips. Once it was handed to him, he studied it and smiled. "You know... I've been meaning to buy that single for a while now. Do you think I could get it somewhere here before we leave?" He traced over the lines of light gently before giving Kaoru a happy look. "You should give it to him. It's beautiful."

Kaoru was about to answer about purchasing the CD when Die complimented his work, blushing. "Ah... er, sou desu ne... probably not. Might send the wrong impression." He chuckled a little nervously. "I'm sure one of the shops in Little Tokyo should have it. My copy is actually digital, he sent it to me when he shot me the email about the interview."

Die sniffed a bit and then shook his head. "No, I think he'd understand. He's a performance artist, so I think he'd appreciate it." He nodded a bit. "If I can walk at all before we leave, I'd like to go see if I can find it... if you don't mind."

Kaoru nodded, taking the drawing back that Die had done and going to put it between the pages of the magazine with the other piece to save. He came to sit back down, looking sleepy. "Nn... I hope you get your legs back pretty quick, otherwise the flight home is going to be pretty brutal."

Die nodded. "I think... it's gonna suck anyway." He sighed, leaning his head back. "Why did I come all the way out here in the first place for this?"

Kaoru stood and leaned over his lover, kissing his brow, then down his cheek, across his jaw, and finally to his lips. "Oh honey..." His fingers rubbed at Die's shoulders. "Because you didn't want just any old surgeon ripping out your organs?" he answered with a little smirk. "I got you some chocolate from the vending machine, by the way, do you want it?"

Die blinked up at him and then nodded. He frowned a bit and then shook his head. "Later please?" He wanted it, but right then he was trying to wait on Kaoru to fall asleep before he called a nurse in for a more humiliating aspect of being completely bed ridden. He leaned back, eyes closed and then he yawned.

Kaoru nodded and rubbed Die's chin with his thumb. "Okay." He stretched, back popping. "Nn... will you hate me if I take a nap? I think I've had enough stress for one day, I'm getting pretty tired." Not that Die being cut on and having things removed was making him feel ready to go run around, per say.

Die shook his head. "Go ahead... I'll nap, too." He offered a smile. Though... honestly, he wasn't about to sleep for the time being.

He nodded, nuzzling his nose into his lover hair before going to lay on his back on the small couch, feet propped up on one arm and crossed at the ankle, hands linked over his chest. He closed his eyes and got comfortable, or as comfortable as he could, and was out cold within a minute.

Die waited until he was certain that Kaoru was sleeping and then pressed the nurse button. It just lit up on the wall and stayed that way for a good ten minutes before a nurse lazily came in, staring at him. In a bored voice she asked, "Yes?"

He winced a bit and then murmured, "Uh... I need to um..." he sighed, "I need to use the restroom." He was very quiet with his words, dreading waking Kaoru up.

The nurse sniffed. "Oh, so now you need to poop?"

Die gave her a rather withering look. "Do I look human to you?" he asked, glaring hard at her for her smart mouth.

She rolled her eyes and then retrieved the bed pan, tossing it down and then starting to shift Die around. Once she had it in place, she just waited, tapping her foot and examining her nails.

He stared at her in complete horror. "Here?!" Okay... so now he wasn't quiet. "No way in hell!" He'd explode first.

Kaoru twitched slightly at the noise, pulled out of his sleep just a tiny bit. His brows knit and he shifted, rolling to face the back of the couch.

The nurse stared at him and then shrugged. "It's here or you wait until you shit the bed. And trust me, if you do that, I'm not showing up to clean it up quickly. You'll sit in it."

"Are you threatening me?" His jaw hung open for a moment before he tried to sit up a little more, reaching for the stupid bedpan. He grit his teeth against the pain, tears in his eyes.

She just shrugged and examined her nails again. "Are you going to take a crap or am I going to leave?"

Die stared at her for a long moment, deliberating telling her to go to hell. But a moment later, his intestines rumbled loudly and he flushed bright red. Finally, sniffing a bit, he just pulled his gown down to cover what he was doing and closed his eyes, head turned away from the nurse while he did his business.

She screwed up her nose after a minute. "Good god."

That only made it worse, tears finally falling down his cheeks, soaking into the pillow. He just finished up, trying to block out what he was doing as he peed a little as well. Once he was done, he muttered, "Done," not really wanting to know what on earth was going to happen next. He figured she'd have to wipe him and he really wasn't looking forward to that.

Predictably, that was exactly what she did, moving his legs around and pretty much treating him like a baby. After the entire thing was done, Die determined he was not eating again until they got back home where he would be alone. Period.

She left with everything to the bathroom, the water running for a while and the toilet flushing. She tossed the pan back under the bed with a loud clang and then pretty much sprayed Die with air freshener before leaving the room without a word.

Die, on the other hand, lay there, curled under the protection of only his gown, tears still flowing down his cheeks. Nothing had ever been that humiliating in his entire life. And she hadn't even bothered to give him back his sheet.

At some point during the exchange, Kaoru had woken up, laying very still and listening. He could feel a tight knot building in his stomach and he laid there, stiff as a board. The second the nurse had closed the door, he threw himself off the couch, marching across the room, hair whipping around his face, and wrenched the door open, jogging a little bit to catch up. "Excuse me!" He called, grabbing the nurse's wrist and wrenching her around, putting his finger in her face. He was having a hard time controlling himself, not wanting to get thrown out and leave Die alone, but unable to simply say nothing. "Look, cunt, if you hate your job so fucking much, find a new one. Next time he needs something, send someone else, because if I see your face again, I'll spit in it." His usually relaxed, slightly feminine features were red with hot rage and tensed up into a mask of anger that was not so dissimilar from the demon tattooed on his shoulder. "I swear if I ever fucking hear you talk to him like that again, I will backhand you down a flight of fucking stairs." He let her go, kind of shoving her away, and went back into the room, shaking he was so angry, spitting out, "bitch," as he closed the door, leaning back against it and grabbing at his hair, eyes squeezed shut, trying to calm down.

Die startled when Kaoru rushed out of the room. He curled tighter into a ball, his stitches pulling from the action and making him let out a tiny cry. He stretched back out again, not liking that he had to. He tried to wipe at his eyes, but the tears only kept coming, so he just gave up, turning his head more into the pillow.

The nurse, on the other hand, stared at Kaoru like he'd lost his damn mind. After he'd walked off, she stamped her foot on the floor and then marched off to the nursing station. Oh... she'd make sure she didn't come to his room again... and neither would anyone else, for that matter.

Die looked up when Kaoru closed the door, his lower lip actually trembling from all the anxiety. He stared at his very upset lover and then whispered, "I'm sorry."

Kaoru's hands were shaking. "It's not your fault," he almost yelled, still spitting mad. He stormed over to his bag, throwing a box of tissues across the room. He had a violent temper; it took a lot, or certain things to tip it off, but the complete disrespect and blatant humiliation of his lover was definitely one of the things that made it fly through the roof. He thrust his hand angrily into his bag and pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lighter, going over to the bed and brushing away Die's tears and kissing him as gently as possible, his body wanting to make every move a jerky and rough one. "I have to go smoke. If I don't, I might blow up at you, and you don't deserve being on the receiving end of this." He stood back up, screaming, "FUCK!" once and then grumbling about what a fucking cunt the nurse was and that he'd be back in just a minute, he just really needed a moment alone to cool down.

Die watched Kaoru exploding, whimpering a little. After the kiss, he buried the side of his face into the pillow. He just nodded at him. Once he heard the door close, he finally let out the shaking sobs he had been holding in, his arms wrapping around his middle. He hurt in every single way. One shaky hand went to press the morphine button twice before he felt it hit him like a freight train. Soon enough, he was just lying there, tears falling down his cheeks, but he no longer cared. Apparently morphine was good for more than one thing.

Kaoru stormed off to the nearest exit, chain smoking three cigarettes and kicking gravel until he felt a little more level headed. He was fiercely territorial and protective, and to have someone humiliate Die like that, when he was already in such a vulnerable position, made him feel quite a bit homicidal. At last, he wasn't shaking with rage and he started back down the hall towards Die, hoping his lover hadn't taken him leaving the wrong way and was upset by it. He knew the other probably needed his comfort, but he knew himself well enough to understand that if he hadn't stepped away and deflated the fury, he would have ended up blowing up in Die's face, and then he'd been up in a whole new world of trouble. 

Pushing open the door, he slipped in, carefully settling himself down beside Die and wrapping his arms around him, just holding him for a moment. "Are you okay?"

Die was honestly barely conscious by the time Kaoru came back to the room. He stared up at him, glassy-eyed and unfocused. He sniffed a bit and then just pushed his face against Kaoru's chest. The little numbers on the morphine dispenser said he wasn't allowed to have anymore for an hour, which if Kaoru had been paying attention would tell him that Die had taken a lot in a short span of time. But it wasn't more than he was technically allowed.

Kaoru just sighed, cradling Die to him. The exhaustion from earlier sank back in as the anger faded and he ended up falling asleep half-sitting up, his arms around Die protectively.

Die allowed himself to fall asleep after a while as well, just closing his eyes. After a while, he started to snore softly.


	25. Chapter 24

Kaoru slept for an hour or so before getting up, a crick in his neck, and gently sliding out from behind Die, tucking the sheet up around his lover and then going to the couch to lie down and sleep through the night. Early the next morning, he was up again, rubbing his face to get himself awake even just a little and then taking the travel toothbrush from his bag and going to brush his teeth, finger-combing his hair.

Die woke up several times throughout the night in utter pain. But eventually he managed to get a few consecutive hours of sleep. Once he actually woke up, he shifted a little, stiff and sore all over. He groaned faintly, blinking at the light and then making a face because certain things had to be done in the morning. "Kaoru?" he questioned rather groggily.

Kaoru leaned in the doorway, frothy-lipped, the toothbrush stuck in his mouth. He offered only a lift of brows in question to let Die know he had his attention before going back to spit and rinse.

Die glanced at him and laughed softly. He just shook his head and tried to discreetly push the nurse button.

Kaoru finished up and came back, stretching and trying to straighten out his t-shirt some. "Yeah, baby?"

Die just shook his head a little and pushed the button again, slipping the small button under him a little so Kaoru wouldn’t see it.

He sat on the edge of the bed, giving Die a sleepy smile. "I brought your toothbrush, too, do you want me to hold a cup for you to spit in so you can brush your teeth?"

Die squirmed around a little and then murmured, "In a little bit?" Again, he hit the nurse button, finger pushing it three or four times in a row, the little device slipping out from under him as he got a bit frantic with it.

Kaoru watched him. Licking his lips, he dared to ask, "Do you just have to pee?" If so, he didn't mind assisting, but despite the way the nurse had treated Die last time about... other needs... he just couldn't bring himself to assist Die with those, in particular.

He blushed, nodding a little and then murmuring, "But... it's okay... I'll just..." he punched the button again, a little more urgently.

Kaoru growled, really starting to get annoyed with the nurses in this place. "Hang on, I'll go get someone." He stood up and put his shoes on, going down the hall to the nurses' station, clearing his throat to try and get the attention of one of them.

At the nurses’ station, the little old woman stared at Kaoru. "Yes?" she asked. Behind the station, the board with the patient's room numbers was situated, none of the bulbs flashing and no annoying dinging noise coming from it.

Kaoru looked behind her at it, making a face. "Um, room 304 has been calling for about ten minutes now. I guess the button's broken?" he offered as politely as possible, glad he didn't see the nurse from yesterday around anywhere.

She blinked at him, peering back at the board. 304 wasn't lit. She shrugged and then asked, "What did you need?"

Kaoru blinked, thinking of how to word it. "Ah, he needs to, relieve himself." That would do. So long as she didn't take it in a sexual context. He blushed a little and gave a tiny nod.

She stared at him, puzzling through it and then nodding. "Ah, he needs to urinate?" She came around the station and headed down the hallway, going much faster than she looked like she could. Once in the room, she was very efficient, though impersonal. She closed the curtain, got the container, and then pulled his sheet down and gown up. The cold plastic went against him and she nodded. "Go now."

Die wasn't sure which was worse. Being almost made fun of or having this one act like she was a robot. All the same, he did what he needed to do, relieving himself into the plastic container for quite a long time. Once he was done, she even patted him down with a tissue before pulling the gown down and the sheet up, then going to the restroom to empty and wash the container.

Die looked over at Kaoru, drooping back against the bed while he held out a hand. "Am I allowed to leave yet?"

Kaoru waited until the nurse was finished with Die to go back to him, taking his outstretched hand. Hearing the question, the woman raised a finger and disappeared out of the room. After a moment, a doctor came in, asking Die how he was feeling and checking the incisions, feeling around a little. After a while of prodding, he decided that Die could be released and that he would go let a nurse know to get together the paperwork. Kaoru smiled, wiggling Die's big toe through the sheet as the doctor left. "Thank god, right?"

Die looked uncomfortable throughout the entire time of being poked at. Once the dressings were back on him, he looked up at Kaoru, a little green. "That hurt," he mumbled, talking about the poking. And he knew the morphine drip was gone. No more drugs for Die; at least not until he got the prescription pill painkillers.

Kaoru pouted, feeling like he was having phantom pains just knowing Die was hurting. He stroked his hair and face, sitting with him for a while before getting the sweats and tank top he'd come in with and carefully getting Die out of the gown and into his regular clothes. "Mom said Midol actually helped, too. I don't think it's a good idea to mix them, but if you're still sore after your prescription runs out...." He shrugged a little, bringing the back of Die's hand to his face and rubbing his cheek against it.

Just then, a perky young nurse came in with a wheelchair, all smiles, and went to the other side of the bed, grinning at Die. "Ready to go home?" She was nice, but her voice was grating. She looked up at Kaoru, batting big brown eyes. "I'll help you get him into the chair and then you'll be on your way!"

Die allowed Kaoru to help him, trying hard to not be a shaking, pain-filled mess. He bit his lip a little and just pushed through it. When the nurse showed up, he was just happy to see someone smiling rather than staring at him like he'd ruined their day. He tried to get moving the rest of the way, teeth gritted to get through the pain of the move from bed to wheelchair. Kaoru frowned, waving the nurse away for a moment, cupping Die's face between his hands. "Die?" He leaned forward, smoothing a hand at his forehead. "Honey, are you okay?"

Die stared at him, trying to breathe for a long moment before he just nodded. "I want to leave," he whispered, despite the fact that he felt like he was going to fall apart at any second.

A line creased Kaoru's brow. He felt confused and torn - part of him wanted the hell out of here as bad as Die did, wanted both of them to be snuggled up together with bad movies back at the hotel, but the other half couldn't stand seeing him pain. He looked up at the nurse, stuttering. "A-are you sure this is normal? He just seems to be hurting an awful lot..."

The nurse gave him an unsure look. "How bad is it and where?" Die just rubbed his abdomen ever so lightly, looking a little paler than he had a moment before. Without another word, the nurse left the room. She came back after a few moments, carrying a syringe of clear liquid. She leaned over the bed and rather unceremoniously stuck it in Die's behind after she pulled his sweats down a little.

It wasn't even a full three minutes before he looked much better and hell of a lot less pale.

She smiled triumphantly. "Some people have a lower pain tolerance, especially after a lot of surgeries in a row. I'd suggest getting his prescription filled as soon as possible and medicating before it starts hurting like that for at least another three days." She moved him to the wheelchair and Die just allowed it, not seeming to be in too much pain anymore.

Kaoru nodded, figuring it was a decent trade off to have doped up Die as opposed to severe pain Die. He nodded and got his bag, pushing the wheelchair out of the door that the nurse held for him. Thankfully, he remembered a CVS not too far from the hotel; he'd drop off the prescription there on the way back and then go pick it up in a few hours.

After making sure everything was set for Die's release, he pushed his lover out to the rental car, the nurse following along and making sure Die got in the car alright, patting his leg and telling them both to take care. Kaoru thanked her and buckled Die in, getting behind the wheel and starting the engine. He looked over at Die and managed a smile. "Well, at least that part's over with."

Die just allowed himself to be jostled around, helping where he could. Once he was in the car, he leaned against the window and ran one hand over his face. "Swear to me you'll help me bathe. I reek like a fucking hospital."

He chuckled softly, leaning over and kissing Die's cheek before pulling out of the parking space and heading back towards the hotel. "I'll see what I can do, pumpkin."

He nodded a bit, closing his eyes and resting one hand on his lower half. "It feels empty in there," he commented.

Kaoru reached over, frowning slightly, laying his hand over Die's. "Really?" He tried to imagine what that felt like, to have your organs shifting around, trying to readjust after some of their meaty brethren had been removed and made more room for the rest of them. At a stop light he leaned and kissed Die's shoulder. "I hate seeing you in pain..."

He linked his fingers with Kaoru's and just bit his lip a little. "I don't like being in pain," he murmured in reply.

Holding onto Die's hand, thumb stroking the back of it, he drove towards the hotel in relative silence, pulling up at the CVS and looking over at his lover. "Do you need anything? I need to run in real fast and drop off your prescription."

Die thought about it for a long moment. "Gatorade... three of them, lemon-lime, and wide-mouth." He nodded after that.

Kaoru lifted a brow at the very specific request, but nodded, heading in, leaving the car on with the air conditioner on Die a little bit. He dropped off the prescription and then went down the snack aisle, finding some organic trail mix to munch on, figuring Die needed light stuff to work him out of possibly being queasy, the three requested Gatorades, and a bottle of dragon fruit Vitamin Water for himself. Making his way towards the registers, he passed through all of the Easter stuff on sale, getting distracted. Giving in, he got a bag of mini-Reese's cups with colorful, pastel wrappers and a bag of Jelly Bellies. When he reached for the jelly beans, down on the lowest shelf, he found himself suddenly face to face with a little plastic nose and sweet, pleading eyes, and a fluffy face just begging to be hugged. He simply couldn't resist. Tucking the floppy white bunny under his arm, too, he finally made it to the check out and paid, going back out to the car and putting the bags in the back.

Die waited in the car, just sitting there feeling lost. He figured out he didn't have his phone and he really hoped Kaoru had it, because he had the urge to fiddle around with it now. By the time Kaoru came back, Die was just nervously shifting around like a little child.

Before he pulled out, he turned to Die, looking at him seriously. "Do you think you can walk from the car to the room?" he asked. If not, he'd find a way to get Die in, but if Die couldn't walk mostly on his own he'd have to call the hotel and arrange a few things first.

At the question, Die nodded. "I'll be slow... but with the pain killers, I can make it." Just not anything too sudden or too fast, that was for sure.

He nodded, pulling up to try and turn back onto the main road, looking at Die fidgeting and reaching to rub his leg, smiling softly. "What's wrong, sweetie? You're squirming around like you've got an itchy bum." He stuck his tongue out at his lover playfully.

Die made a face. "Do you have my phone?" Apparently, he really was like a little kid.

Kaoru made another face back, pulling out into traffic. "Yeah, it's in my bag with the rest of your stuff." He reached behind him and expertly found the front pouch of his bag without looking, digging around, feeling for Die's phone, finally locating it and handing it to him.

Die accepted the device once Kaoru had wrangled it free from the bag. But all he did was hold it, blinking down at it for a long time. After a while he asked, "Kaoru? Am I a burden to you?"

Kaoru's lips sort of pursed out and he looked at Die with confusion. "What? ...Baby, no! I'd be freaking out right now if I wasn't here with you. It's hard, yeah, but I'd much rather go through this with you than leave you to it by yourself and end up worrying myself to death that you're all right."

He traced little patterns on his sweats with one finger and then nodded a little. "Just... I've cost you so much... and I never meant to do that to you."

A deep frown pulled at the corners of Kaoru's mouth, his eyes growing a worried, dusky dark. "Die... money doesn't matter. I can catch up, I told you. It's worth it, to be here with you, and for you." He cupped Die's hand gently, feeling his throat clench a little. "Hearing you say things like that... it makes me wonder sometimes what you think I mean when I say I love you. I don't care how much I've spent on this trip, that's not important. What is important is that you're happy and comfortable and have someone to be here for you. That's what matters to me. Not money."

Die offered a confused look for a long while before it faded into a little happy face. He brought Kaoru's hand up to his face and rubbed his cheek against the back of it. "I just... I'm always afraid that I'll push you away without meaning to, Kaoru."

He sighed and lifted a finger to stroke Die's cheek. "Well, you haven't started pushing yet." Arriving at the hotel, he pulled up at the front doors, a valet coming out to them. Kaoru got out and explained to him what was going on, that Die had just gotten back from surgery, and the valet nodded, immediately springing into "helpful employee" mode and yelling inside for one of the bell boys to hold an elevator. Kaoru opened Die's door and unbuckled him, grabbing his legs and carefully shifting him so his feet were on the ground, then wrapped his arms around Die's back, maneuvering Die's around his neck. "Ready?"

Die just stayed silent, trying to help Kaoru out as best he could. Licking his lips a little, he nodded and then started to try to stand up. With Kaoru's help, it wasn't bad, though he assumed a lot of it was the meds still rushing through him. Carefully, he started toward the doors and then the elevator.

The valet went to park the car for them after they were in the door and the bell boy held the elevator just for them, Kaoru holding onto Die to make sure he didn't fall over, getting into the elevator and up to their floor, the bell boy going down the hall to make sure they got to the room all right. Kaoru thanked him and walked Die to the bed, helping him down, the sheets already pulled back and pillows piled up, ready for Die to just settle down in them and relax.

Die didn't find himself hurting during the walk, though he was sure he'd pay for it all later with a lot of pain. Falling back into the sea of pillows, he bit his lip a little and then sniffed a bit. "This bed... is much better," he mumbled.

Kaoru smiled and kissed his head. "I'll be right back. I've got to get my stuff out of the car." He went back downstairs quickly, grabbing his messenger bag and the shopping bags, heading back to the room and setting both down at the foot of the bed. He pulled out one of the Gatorades and handed it to Die, putting the rest in the mini fridge along with the chocolate, the jelly beans going onto the counter. Sneakily, he pulled the bunny out of the bag and shoved it up under his shirt, crawling around on his knees to the edge of the bed and pouting at Die. "I found something lonely for you." He pushed the bunny's head up through the neck of his t-shirt. "He was begging to be taken home; no one bought him for their Easter basket."

Die blinked at him and then nodded, sitting back and waiting. He yawned a bit, putting his phone to the side after making sure there were no messages. Once he came back, he accepted the Gatorade and took a long drink from it. Putting it beside him on the bed, he peered over at Kaoru who was crawling around. When he pushed the bunny head up through his t-shirt neck, Die broke out into a grin, reaching toward it. "I'll give it a home!"

Kaoru put the cute, sad little face over his mouth, making a bunny voice and moving the little head around. "No one wanted me, they left me on the shelf! Please promise to love me!"

Die giggled and reached to grab his new bunny's ear. "I promise!"

Kaoru beamed to see Die's smile and hear his little giggle, feeling like he was looking at a sweet little girl somewhere in his lover. He pulled the bunny from his shirt and set it on Die's chest, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. "Mm, I know you'll take good care of him."

Die cradled the bunny, moving to kiss Kaoru back for the adorable gift. He smiled to himself and then nodded.

Standing, Kaoru gave a stretch, moving on to the second task at hand - giving Die some kind of bath. He went into the bathroom and started looking around, trying to be ingenious. After a moment, he returned, looking proud of himself, with the ice bucket filled with warm water and a wash cloth. Setting the bucket down on the night stand, he took Die's bunny and set him at a safe distance away, not wanting to get him wet, and began taking Die out of his clothes. Dipping the washcloth into the bucket, he wrung it out and started scrubbing Die down, his touch gentle and slow, but thorough. He started at his arms and washed his neck and chest, leaning him forward to get his back, then his stomach and down his legs, working around the dressings of the incisions. As he worked, he mused at the realization that he really did love every single inch of Die, every hair, every pore, every little bit, his caring touch conveying so.

Die blinked at him and then smiled when he returned with the bucket of warm water and a washcloth. He helped move around a bit during the entire thing, a relaxed look on his face. "Thank you so much for doing this, baby... I already feel less icky."

Kaoru smiled, kissing his brow. "Of course, honey." Dumping the bucket and putting the washcloth over the faucet of the sink, he grabbed a towel and rubbed Die's damp skin dry, leaving little kisses along the way. Going to his lover's suitcase, he found Die's red silk pajamas, knowing they were his favorite, and put them on his lover before going to the mini fridge and looking around in it. "Um, so, I got you a little "Yay, congratulations, no more womb and ovaries!" cake, and a bunch of different candy and some chips and trail mix and fruit..." He looked around. "Honestly, it's all pretty much junk," he chuckled, "other than the fruit, but I figured you'd want comfort food once you'd left the hospital. Are you hungry?"

Die beamed at Kaoru once he had his red silk pajamas out. That made him happy to know that the other had thought about it that much. He peered over at the stuff as Kaoru dug around in the little fridge. He smiled happily. "That's so sweet of you," he smiled. "I could use some cake," he offered, nodding affirmatively.

Kaoru nodded, pulling out the little German chocolate cake and finding the plastic forks and plates he'd bought, cutting Die off a nice thick piece and taking it to him, sucking frosting off is thumb. "Here you go, love. I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick, so I'll leave you with this and the remote." He tossed said device onto the bed beside Die and smiled, slipping into the bathroom and shutting the door, starting to strip down.

Die smiled, accepting the cake and the remote. He took a few bites and then turned on the TV. He found Tokyo Drift on and smiled, leaving it there while he picked his cake back up, pushing some into his mouth.

Kaoru took a quick shower, coming back out with a towel around his waist, wet hair slicked back away from his face. He found some pajama bottoms and pulled them on and then grabbed his laptop, sitting on the bed beside Die, grinning at his choice of entertainment, and started checking his email, then his blog for the magazine. He smiled and nudged Die. "My readers wish you a quick recovery. I just mentioned you were having some minor surgery." He pointed to one comment in all caps that read "I HOPE YOUR HONEY GETS THROUGH EVERYTHING OK!", smiling and then checking his Facebook. After catching up on responding to comments and wall posts, etc, he went about checking updates of his closest friends. Sita had put up a useless, time consuming, sweet but pointless survey about relationships, which Kaoru immediately copied and pasted into a note of his own, grumbling, "I'm fucking addicted to these things." He went through and put in his own answers to the questions, humming a little. After a moment he asked, "Baby, do you have a middle name?"

Die had finished his cake by the time Kaoru came out of the shower. He smiled when Kaoru told him that his readers wished Die a quick recovery. "That's sweet of them," he replied softly. And then he shook his fist at the screen, "Go! Go! Noooooooooo! What the hell was that?!"

Just like he'd never done it, he settled down and rubbed his stomach a little. "Eh? What are you addicted to?" He leaned over, staring at the screen a little. "Nope."

Kaoru blushed to have Die reading over his shoulder, despite the fact that when he posted it, it would be visible to everyone on his friends list. He just kept going, cheeks pinked, typing "Er, he doesn't have one." under "What's his middle name?" which was under a short section of the survey tilted "How well do you know him?" That had been the last question, along with questions about favorite foods (strawberries) and favorite color (red). The next section was "Relationship". Under the first question, "How long have you been together?", Kaoru put "8 months", then "Are you in love?", "Yes <3<3<3". He paused for a moment at the third question, "Do you think he's the one?" before answering "The thought's definitely crossed my mind," before continuing on with the other related questions.

Die continued glancing between the TV and his lover's computer, smiling at bit at the answers. "You're sweet, you know that?"

Kaoru blushed even darker, biting his lip and just kind of ignoring the comment, not really sure how to respond to it. After all, it was a little weird having Die sit there while he answered questions like "Are you scared he'll find someone better?" with "...yeah :(" and "Do you still get butterflies when you see him?" with "Every time he walks into the room." And then came the really awkward part... next was a whole section of questions about the future, if he thought there was one with him, where he thought they'd be in a year, in five years, if they'd talked about getting married. It was things he'd thought about, but hadn't even discussed with Die yet. Briefly, he considered deleting the questions to avoid having to answer them and then decided to just delete the marriage and 5 year one, answering the question about the future with "I really really hope so" and where he thought they might be in a year with "I really don't know, but I'm happy so long as I'm still with him."

Die continued glancing over as Kaoru answered the questions. But after a few minutes, he just leaned a little forward, staring at the TV with a concentrated expression on his face. He groaned, "Ahhhhh, fucking," he flipped the bird at the TV. Then he sat back again.

Kaoru finished up the little thing, feeling really bashful all of a sudden, and at the last minute, decided not to post it, exiting out of the page and closing his laptop. He leaned back into the pillows for a moment and stared around the room. The corner of the room beside the sliding glass door had been bugging him, art wise, since they'd gotten there, its little nagging inspiration bugging him fiercely just then. Sliding off the bed, he started moving things around, taking the roses from the desk and putting them on top of the mini fridge, and scooting the chair in the nagging corner out and putting the desk in its place. He then took the lamp off the desk and put it beside the TV, using the TV to brace the lamp shade at an angle. Next, he grabbed the floor lamp and dragged it closer, putting it in the chair so that it would be very high, almost up against the ceiling, light escaping around the fairly opaque upwards-facing shade just enough to snake across the ceiling and bath the top part of the wall behind where Kaoru had dragged the desk in a soft light.

He, of course, as he did whenever he was in "art mode", said nothing the entire time, getting out his camera and setting up the tripod beside the bed. Turning off all the other lights in the room, he set up the shot and did some adjusting on his camera, setting the self-timer and going to sit on the desk, coming back, adjusting some more, and going to move the shade on the lamp by the TV, stacking some books under it, so that it threw light against him at an angle from his chest down to his hip, everything below the desk slowly fading into shadow. Satisfied, he went into the bathroom and re-wet his hair, shaking his head so that it was tousled and hung heavy with water, dripping a little, and changed into a pair of tight jeans, but only zipped them half way, leaving his trimmed thatch of pubic hair exposed, the jeans low on his slender, slightly muscled hips. Setting the self-time again, he went to the desk and sat down on it, pulling one leg up with his heel resting on the desk, then the other, then one leg tucked up and laid flat, with his heel against his groin, etc, trying different poses, his face passive but his eyes strong. 

After about five minutes of his camera making little clicks and Kaoru silently posing, he hopped down and went to stop it, taking it off the tripod and flipping through to see if he had gotten the shot he'd been envisioning in his head.

Die's attention drifted from the screen over to Kaoru as he started to move things around. One eyebrow lifted while he stared at the other, trying to determine what the hell he was doing. Once the camera came out, he got the point of what was going on. He smiled, watching the screen out of the side of his eyes and Kaoru mostly.

After a while, once the camera started clicking, Die started watching Kaoru entirely. He smiled once Kaoru stopped. "Hey, sexy pants."

Kaoru stood beside the bed with his weight thrown onto one hip, going through the photos, screwing up his face into an odd expression that didn't look particularly satisfied. The lighting just wasn't right. It looked too stark, but there was only so much he could do trying to improvise it in a hotel. He turned on the bedside lamps to see if maybe they would give enough of an additional glow from the front and put his camera back on the tripod, looking at Die, finally realizing he'd been spoken to. "Hmm?"

Die just shook his head, but pointed at his bag. "There's a flashlight in there if it would help you... and an LED book light."

Kaoru thought for a second, looking over at his "set". "Actually... depending on how bright it is, I might use the LED in a second..." Setting his camera again, he went back to the desk, repeating a lot of the same poses, and returned and looked through the photos, much happier with them this time. He turned off the lamp beside the bed and the floor lamp, setting it back in its corner, and went to find the flashlight and book light in Die's bag. "I want like... a soft glow. Just enough that I'm seen, but almost like a night-vision effect. Does that make sense?" He turned the LED light on first, preferring that "feel" of light, and shined it over at the desk, trying to determine if it would be enough. He held it out to Die. "You'll have to hold it. Do you mind?"

Die reached out for the LED light. "Sure, just tell me where."

Once more, the self-timer was set and Kaoru went to sit on the desk again, taking his jeans off first and sitting on his knees, hands rested on his thighs. "Um, it's hard to say when I can't see what it looks like on the camera... just," he held his palms out to try and tell how much light was hitting around him, "just try and get it focused more at my chest."

Die shifted around what little bit he could and moved the LED around as well. He settled with it where he thought it seemed best at and then tried to hold it steady. "Here?"

The camera clicked and Kaoru got down, going to look at the results. He made a tiny face. "Too blue, and too dark. The placement is fine, though." He flicked on one of the bedside lamps against to add a bit of orange and a little more brightness, setting it on medium intensity and then going back to the desk after starting the auto-shutter again. "Okay, just hold it at the same place." He sat up straight with his butt on his heels, hands resting on his thighs, then slumped, then leaned back with his hands flat on the desk behind him, sitting between his feet, bare ass on the desk, shoulders and head leaned against the wall.

Die watched him as he took the photos, smiling to himself as he took in Kaoru's body and the lighting. His lover was gorgeous, no matter what the lighting. He dutifully held the light right where he was supposed to. "You're sexy, you know that?"

Kaoru rolled his eyes and countered back, "No, I'm not," before he could even think about it. When he realized it had come out, he blushed, dark, pressing his shoulders back and his hands behind himself as if they were bound, using the embarrassment across his face at how open he'd been with an insecurity he really tried to hide to his advantage as he hung his head. He shifted a little more and then got off the desk, stopping the shutter and putting on the pajama pants, taking the light back from Die with a soft, "Thank you," and putting it back in his lover's bag before he began to put the room back in order, not even checking the last set of photos, just putting his camera away and collapsing the tripod, returning to the bed and tucking his knees up to his chest.

Die pouted at him. "Yes you are, Kaoru." He watched his lover wander around the room and put things away. He sighed softly. Why was it so hard to compliment Kaoru? He'd thought he'd said a good thing and instead he'd made his lover fold in on himself. He sniffed a bit, still watching him.

He sighed, turning towards Die but not looking at him. "I'm sorry... it's really hard for me to accept compliments, but... it makes me feel good that you try, and that I know you really think I'm attractive. It's important to me."

Die bit his lip a tiny bit and then nodded slightly. "I really do mean it."

Kaoru blushed something terrible. "I know... I don't know how," he laughed nervously, "but I know you mean it." He sank down against the pillows, hands tucked between his thighs, head resting lightly on Die's shoulder as he watched the move with him for a while.

Die was quiet, watching the movie as he rubbed at his lover's back a little bit.

Hating himself for being so down lately, feeling like Die needed him, and he had to keep his problems to himself, he didn't want to put any unnecessary stress on his lover, he laid there a little stiffly, honestly glad when he remembered about the medication and sitting up, pulling on some clothes. "I'm going to go pick up your prescription, I'll be right back." He leaned over and kissed Die's cheek, rubbing his arm a little.

Die blinked at him a bit and then nodded, leaning into the touch a bit. He just watched him leave, waiting a minute or so and then flipping open his phone and texting Kyo. _Tell me things between me and Kaoru will be okay... at least for a while?_ Why he trusted so much in all of this, he had no idea, but he did.

Kyo responded almost immediately, stuck in traffic in the back of a car on his way to some bullshit dinner with one of the producers at his label. _What? Why, did something happen?_

Die frowned a little. _I just... I don't know. I tried to be romantic the other day and it only kinda worked. And then... well... I told him he was sexy and that didn't really go over so well._

Kyo sat and stared at his phone for a while, thoroughly confused. He didn't do this often, and honestly didn't really enjoy it, but he closed his eyes and opened his mind, bringing back the image of Die and Kaoru and trying to sort through the tangled lines of energy between them. After a moment, he started typing a response. _First of all, Kaoru is really fucking insecure. I told you that before. He has a hard time finding his worth and even though he doesn't always take it well, he needs constant affirmation. He might get all shy and walled off for a while when you compliment him, but eventually it will sink in that you think he's beautiful. And he is. So there._ He sent that one and then began another text. 

_And the other thing is he told you he loved you first, way early, and you kind of freaked out on him. He, in true Kaoru fashion, took it way more seriously than he should, so now he's afraid to have any relationship discussion with you at all. Not to mention, he wants you to feel like you've got some say between the two of you, so he's really kind of waiting on you to be ready and bring it up if you want to take your relationship further._ Again, he hit send.

Thinking it over for a minute, he pulled up one more. _And yes, Die, you and Kaoru will be fine, at least for a while. There is potential there for you both to be together indefinitely, like, life partners or whatever they're calling it these days, but you don't just get that kind of love, you have to earn it and work for it. If you want him, you've both got to, um, talk? I don't think you two discuss your emotions enough. I mean, really lay it all out on the table in a "this is what I want in our relationship" kind of way. Do that. Then you know what you both want and can figure out a compromise if those wants differ, and if there is no compromise, then... you know it wasn't meant to be._

Leaning back in the seat, Kyo sighed. Fuck, that was a lot of information, but he hoped Die let it sink in, and that it helped. Figuring he was already on a roll, he shot one more text Die's way. _Hope that helps and that you're feeling okay <3_

Die sat there, watching as Kyo texted him, anticipating that there was going to be more than one text for this. He nervously waited on each one, reading it in turn. After he got the final one, he smiled softly and took the time to respond. _I hope you know how much I appreciate you doing that for me. You're amazing and I'm so happy we're friends. I will try to have a good talk with Kaoru, I promise... and soon. How are things with you?_

He shifted a little and picked up the Gatorade, drinking a good few swallows before he re-capped it and moved it to the nightstand. Then he texted Kaoru. _Love you._

Kyo smiled, shifting to sit cross-legged in the car seat. _No problem. I don't really click with people often, but I really like you, so I don't mind. I'm okay, stuck in traffic, kind of tired. The show went really well, and me and Caleb had sex afterwards (he was drunk, but could still get it up and holy crap, that boy can fuck, my poor ass!) and then he just sort of left like "er, I'll call you" when he woke up. :/_

Shortly after Kyo had sent his text, Kaoru replied to his own. _Thank you, I needed that. I just embarrassed the ever loving fuck out of myself D:_

_Die blinked at both texts coming in one after another. He replied to Kaoru first. _What happened?__

_And then he replied to Kyo, frowning a bit. _Yay on the sex, but... gah... do you think he was just kind of... I dunno, embarrassed? Or was it a 'oh god I need to get the hell out of Dodge' kind of leaving?__

_Kyo's returned his text first. _I think he thought he wanted me and the fact that I'm just a normal person totally killed the magic._ It was obvious, even through the toneless text, that Kyo was extremely disappointed by this._

_Kaoru's response came in next. _I tripped on the curb stepping up onto the sidewalk to go into the store, and went face first into the door. Ow. My head hurts, and I feel like an idiot. Fuck LA for having lots of people in it. There was public laughter.__

_Die frowned at the first and then giggled a little at the second. Shaking his head, he texted Kaoru back since he was on that text. _Oh, baby... I hope you picked up some Ibuprofen for yourself. It's fine, they don't know who the hell you are.__

_Moving back to Kyo's text, he replied, _I'm so sorry. :( I thought he would be good for you, I really hoped he would. But, maybe it wasn't meant to be.__

_He shifted a bit and then groaned, the pain shooting through him white hot and blinding. Okay... moving... bad plan._

_Kyo frowned. It was nice to have somebody that honestly gave a shit about him again, but at the same time, Die was giving a shit because he'd once again been fucked and dumped. _Thanks :( I need to stay away from the white boys, anyway. I get drawn to them, but I swear, they're the heart breakers.__

_Kaoru simply responded with _:(((((((((((_._

_Die stared down at both texts, dismissing Kaoru's and then answering Kyo's. _Lots of things are heart breakers, but maybe it's just a lesson to be learned?__

_Then he moved back to Kaoru's text and replied with _< 3 See you soon._ _

__I know... it's gonna take a hell of a man to handle all my crazy, and the fact that I live in two different countries, basically, and tour, and work, and... *sigh* Thanks, though._ Kyo flipped his phone shut and stared out the window, feeling a little lonely, but cared about._

__One day, Kyo... when it's meant to be. Maybe you're meant to just focus on your career for now... and have friends that provide the caring, loving bits. <3_ _

_After about five minutes, Kaoru came in the door with a prescription bag, handing it to Die, and a large veggie pizza from Papa John's. "I'm glad I thought to order this on my way out. I definitely need the greasy, garlicy comfort." There was a knot on his forehead with a red mark over it, half hidden by his hair. He sat down and pulled his hair out of the way, showing Die and pouting._

_Die looked up when Kaoru came in, frowning softly at him and then pressing his fingers to his lips and then to Kaoru's forehead. He then started working on the bag and then the pill bottle, opening everything and reading the label. He then popped one pill in his mouth and then swallowed it with Gatorade. He put the pills aside and then sniffed at the pizza. "What kind?"_

_Kaoru sniffed at the little kiss, curling up on the bed and opening the box. "Veggie. I don't really like the meats that go on pizza. Or bell peppers. Definitely did not add bell peppers." He offered some to Die with a little, "hmm?"_

_After several minutes, Kyo texted Die again. _I know... I just feel like I'm not supposed to have anyone to distract me right now, but it doesn't mean I don't want someone to. Thanks for being a friend :/__

_Die took one piece of the pizza from him, nibbling on it while he flipped open his phone and started to read the text from Kyo. He frowned a little. _I'm always here. *hugs*_ He sent the message and sighed softly, closing the phone. He wasn't sure if he should tell Kaoru everything or not, so he settled on stuffing more pizza into his mouth._

_Kaoru sat and ate quietly for a while, distracted in his own thoughts, making mental lists again of what all needed to be done before they flew back home, and what needed to be done when he returned to his apartment, etc. After several minutes, he snapped out of it, pressing his arm up against Die's, sitting close to him. "I have Netflix if you want to watch another movie or something, baby."_

_Die shook his head and then murmured, "No... I think... we should have our serious talk about our relationship now." To Kaoru, it probably looked like he had pulled the entire thing out of nowhere, but Die had been stewing on it since Kyo had told him they needed to have 'the talk'. He finished the last of his crust and then took a drink of Gatorade before reaching over to hold Kaoru's hand. "Where do you want this relationship to go?"_

_Kaoru looked stunned, thinking maybe he hadn't heard Die right, watching him finish off his pizza, and then take his hand. He stuttered for a little while, not sure what to say, afraid to say the wrong thing. "I-I dunno, baby, I..." He tried to stop feeling so boxed in, like Die was confronting him rather than just trying to talk to him, taking a deep breath. "I mean, I guess I've kind of hinted around it before, that I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband." He laughed nervously at himself. "Of course, I'm not asking you to marry me or anything, but... moving in a direction and becoming more serious and seeing if, maybe, something like that is an option for us." He rubbed his thumb over the back of Die's hand. "Like, I dunno... maybe think about in the next six months to a year, maybe living together? And in the meantime, I guess just... I want this to feel more serious, more... I dunno, more committed. When my friends ask me what's up with you and me, I never really know what to tell them, because we're just... dating." He gave a weak shrug and looked at his lap. "I mean... what do you want?"_

_Die listened carefully to everything Kaoru had to say. He smiled a bit and then pulled his hand up, gently kissing the back of it. He brushed a hand through his hair and then sniffed a bit. "I already feel like we're serious, to be honest with you. I mean... when I date someone, I do it exclusively and to me it's always a means toward a longer term relationship." He paused, coughing and then taking a drink of his Gatorade to calm it down before continuing. "I think things went well when you stayed with me before... and I'm not opposed to us moving in together, though I honestly think that if we're going to do it, it should be us moving into a completely different apartment so that there's no residual feelings of 'mine' or 'yours' clinging onto things, you know?" He paused then, his head tilted a bit as he evaluated how Kaoru would react to that._

_Kaoru rubbed Die's back when he started coughing, shifting a little closer. "Mm, actually, I've been wanting to get a house. I'm sick of living in apartments, I think it would be worth the investment to have a permanent place to call my home, you know? So maybe, within the next year, we could find a house together?" He bit his lip and thought for a moment. "I suppose what I mean when I say more serious is... right now, we share our lives with each other... but, ultimately, I don't want that, I want us to share _a_ life, you know?"_

_Die thought about it all, swirling the remaining bit of his drink around in the bottom of the container while he pondered. A house was a huge step and he honestly wasn't sure he had the financial backing to do such a thing, especially with the surgeries he still had left. Nervously, he gnawed his lip. But what meant more to him? The surgeries or a life with Kaoru? Because ultimately, it left it as a choice between the two for the time being. One or the other would have to wait... but... would Kaoru wait? He couldn't say._

_He swallowed and then tried to do the mental calculations. Paychecks, debt, the cost of half a house and the furniture to go in it. He'd be in debt up to his eyeballs. His paychecks kept him comfortable and afloat. But he'd used everything he had in savings already for all of this._

_"Are we talking renting a home, buying it, or getting loans from the bank?" He'd handle this one thing at a time._

_Kaoru shrugged. "I don't know, it all kind of depends on what house we might find, you know... I've already kind of been thinking about getting out of my apartment, and my parents have offered to co-sign a loan if I ever wanted to a buy a house, so, I think that would actually be the best option." He shrugged, squeezing Die's hand. "But, I mean, that's still a ways in the future, if it happens, not to mention, that's what _I_ want. What do you want?"_

_Die bit his lip and then just decided he had to lay his cards on the table and be more open about his financial existence. "Okay... so I'm... honestly financially barely making it right now. I had a lot saved up, but these operations aren't cheap. I still have more to go..." he fiddled with his drink container. "When I say I'm barely making it, I'm saying because of this surgery, I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I pay my bills in two halves and I have like maybe thirty bucks left for food. My credit card has eight thousand dollars on it that I can't just pay off." He sighed softly and pushed a hand through his hair. "I really would like to move in with you, but I don't think I have the financial stability that is needed for a loan toward a house." He frowned softly and shook his head. "I guess what I want and what I can have are two different things... you know?"_

_Kaoru felt like an ass for letting Die pay for meals or buy him anything after hearing that. He knew Die had to be hurting after the surgeries, but he didn't know it was that bad. He stroked his lover's hand more, frowning. "Baby... I--" he shook his head. "You know what, we'll talk about the realities of this later, when we've actually got figures and are looking at places, okay? Figuratively, though, if money wasn't an issue or anything, what do you want?"_

_Die curled his fingers around Kaoru's, lacing their hands together. He nuzzled against him a little bit more and then let out a soft sigh. "If we went with the millionaire thesis on all of this... a house would be nice. I've never actually lived in a house before." Though his brother lived in one, so he'd visited there and spent a couple nights, but nothing where he actually lived there._

_He stifled a yawn and then made a little sound. "I think it would be nice to pick everything out together and then lump our old stuff into storage... or you know, what we don't need from it." He shrugged a bit. "But if we do it, I want to be able to give my fair share on things... you know?" If there was one thing he hated it was feeling like the broke person he was._

_Kaoru nodded, listening and pondering it all over. Maybe they could rent a little house together first, live there with their shared furniture for a year or so and save up for an actual place together. He kissed Die's cheek. "Okay. And what about just... relationship wise? Where do you want this go?"_

_Die closed his eyes for a minute and then murmured, "I want it to go wherever it's supposed to. I mean... not that I won't help it toward being something that's forever, but I also don't want to fundamentally shove it toward something. I like our dynamic and I want to go forward with the steps of our relationship. I mean... you know I love you." He squeezed Kaoru's hand again, not sure that he was getting his point across._

_Kaoru bit his lip. "I love you, too, baby. I do, god, I do so much. And I want this to last as long as it can, but... I know what you mean, I don't want us to make this into something it's just not meant to be. I just hope that it's actually meant to be something long lasting." He frowned slightly. "I really can't imagine my life without you anymore."_

_Die squeezed that hand again. "I hope it's meant to last, too. I really don't think I would have made it this far without you being here."_

_A blush painted Kaoru's cheek and he snuggled up to Die's side, careful of his lower abdomen. "I like being here for you. You know that."_

_He moved over to gently peck his cheek, offering a little smile. "So... I think," he rubbed his hand through his hair. "Maybe after I'm healed up from this, we could try to figure out finances to try to move in?" He peered over at Kaoru, hoping he would agree._

_He smiled easily, nodding. "I've got about two, two and half months lined up of work, I'm covering for one of our main girls at Derrick's, her mom is sick so she flew back to Nashville, but, yeah, after that, we'll start looking for places and see what it would really cost, and that might mean we end up postponing living together, or decide on getting an apartment instead, but, yeah, I think that's a good idea."_

_Die smiled, looking a bit relieved. He leaned over, kissing Kaoru's cheek gently. "Is there more we need to discuss?"_

_"Um..." Kaoru thought about it... honestly, despite the fact that he had willingly let the days leading up the surgery be exactly that, the purely wham-bam-thank you, ma'am nature of their sex life still kind of bugged him, but he wasn't going to push his luck with Die, and who knew, maybe once they were living together, and now after the surgery, Die's sex drive would calm down and he'd be more tender. "Nope, that's all."_

_Die made a little face and then just nodded. He could kind of tell Kaoru had something else on his mind, but he wasn't about to shove._

_He took another piece of pizza and chewed on it. After a few minutes, he murmured, "Kaoru? Can you be honest with me about something?"_

__Oh crap_ , he thought. He was already brutally honest, never really knowing how to cushion things that could come off badly. Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah?"_

_"What should I do?" he gave Kaoru this look that was utterly helpless. "I want to be better with the whole sex thing with you, but... I'm just... I don't know... incapable of being appropriately romantic or something." He frowned, rubbing at Kaoru's hand._

_Kaoru’s lashes veiled his dark eyes as he looked down, equally flattered and embarrassed by the question. "It's not like the sex isn't good, Die. It is. Holy shit, it definitely is. I just wish it was tender once in a while." He thought about it for a minute. "I guess really it's hard to explain what I want. Maybe, once you're better, of course, I should just... show you? Treat you how I want to be treated so you'll get a better idea of what I want? I've just been reluctant to do that because I really feel like you can't make love to somebody that doesn't want to be made love to, and that if you weren't at that point, it would really hurt, more than help, to force it."_

_He shifted a bit, readjusting and then nodding. "I think... it would really help if you showed me... and it's not that I don't want to, I just... don't understand."_

_He nodded again. "Okay... but I mean... don't you ever want to just... touch me? Just love on me instead of like "alright, we're gonna fuck now"?" He bit his lip, knowing that had come out weird. "I know you get ramped up really easily, so I guess that's a lot of it... and I'd like it if we could just touch and make-out and stuff and it not lead to sex more often, too." Now he was starting to feel rather needy._

_Die listened to him, blushing a bit. He rubbed at his head, making a little contemplating face. He was tempted to point out that he was currently holding his hand and he hadn't gone groping at him at all. "I... well... I guess I've just never been in a situation where it doesn't make me want you." He frowned a little, looking at their hands. "I mean, I can do this," he squeezed his hand, "and not want to crawl all over you. But I guess... I mean... I could stop rather than keep going?" He tilted his head. "Would that count? If I wanted to go further, but I don't?"_

_Kaoru lifted Die's hand and kissed it. "Thank you, baby, that's sweet. I think." He chuckled a little. "It's not about stopping, it's about... hmm... how to put this. I mean, don't you ever just want to kiss me just to kiss me? I know I have days where I just want to lay all over you and feel you up, but not really have sex. I just want to feel your skin, it feels good being close to you. It's more an emotional need than a sexual one, does that make more sense?"_

_Die frowned slightly, shrugging. "I... I guess I can't say I've ever wanted to make out without it going all the way. I mean, if I didn't want sex, then I just hold you... cuddle. If we start groping, then I end up wanting more." Another lift of his shoulders. "But, I mean, just because I want more doesn't mean I have to have more. You know?"_

_Kaoru gave a little nod and a hum. "Yeah... still, though, I don't want you to end up getting frustrated. When I was drunk and all dolled up? That's why I stopped. Because I could tell you were starting to get too wound up, and that's not what I was going for." He thought for a second. "Do you remember when we went hiking, and I fed you strawberries and rode you?"_

_Die thought about it for a few minutes before finally nodding a little. He seemed to remember something about using a double-ended dildo the night with the strawberries. He sniffed a little. "Um.... yeah? But... we had sex," he murmured, completely confused._

_A chuckle. Kaoru leaned in and kissed him nice and slow. "Mm, yeah, I mean, it was steamy, but it was sweet, too. Not love-making romantic, but still romantic." He leaned back a little and thought. "Romance to me is... letting someone know how much you care about them, and how much they mean to you. It's trying to create a moment where it feels like it's just the two of you. That was that night. For me, it was like nobody else in the world mattered but you and me. I actually felt really beautiful." His little square teeth gnawed at his pouty bottom lip. "Does that make sense?"_

_Die tilted his head a bit and then opened his drink, taking the last swig of it while he pondered. "I... but... I always feel like it's just us." The look on his face was adorably innocent._

_Kaoru blinked at him for a moment and then chuckled, snuggling against Die's shoulder. "Never mind." He smiled and put his arms around his lover carefully._

_Die's face still wore that pout. "But... Kaoruuuuuu! I wanna understand!"_

_He silenced Die with a kiss, petting along the side of his neck. "I can't make you understand, baby. It's just something you learn." He pressed his lips to his lover's again. "Don't worry about it, okay? I feel good that we're talking about it, and excited that we're going to look into living together, and that's really all we can do right now, so don't let it stress you out."_

_He stared at Kaoru for a long time before he finally just nodded, not saying a word. He'd let it drop, but only if he didn't say anything for the time being. Because if he opened his mouth, he would just keep it going._

_Sitting up and moving so that he was facing Die, sitting cross-legged beside him on the bed, he kissed his lover's knuckles. "I have to remember this is your first time having a relationship... you don't really have a pre-established "style" of being romantic or have a certain "type" of boyfriend you are. You're learning it all with me. So I'm being patient. And it's easier to be patient because I really love you and want to be with you, and I have faith that... some part of us is really compatible and can work."_

_Giving a soft smile, he trailed his fingers lightly up the inside of his lover's wrist. "I didn't believe in love at first sight before I met you. And at first, I didn't even want to admit it, but... I know I really did love you the moment I first saw you."_

_Die smiled a little despite that fact that he actually felt kind of crappy for not having any 'pre-established style' for his romance. All he really had to go off of were cheesy romance movies and standards that everyone knew._

_"To be honest, I didn't believe in love before you," he murmured in response._

_Kaoru pursed his lips, trying to tame the wide grin wanting to split across his face, rounding his shoulders shyly. Making almost a little squeak, he leaned forward and kissed Die slowly, the back of his hand trailing up and down Die's arm. "Nn... I love you, Die."_

_He kissed him back just as gently before smiling and nodding. "Love you, too, baby." And then, rather unceremoniously, "I have to pee..." he pointed toward the door. "You might wanna go out there."_

_Kaoru blinked and then burst out laughing, getting up off the bed and grabbing his pack of cigarettes, kissing Die's head. He didn't think to ask questions; his lover seemed like he had this covered, so he just went out on the balcony and gave him a little privacy._

_Die smiled a bit at him and then waited until he was outside and distracted. Immediately, he squirmed around to get his pants off, grabbed the Gatorade bottle, spread his legs and then situated himself with the bottle pressed against him appropriately, and relieved himself into the bottle. It was actually all rather easy and neat. He wiped the droplets up with a tissue and tossed it in the trash, re-capped the bottle and the put it in the floor between the bed and the dresser. He glanced over at the balcony and then pulled the sheets back up. "Kaoru!"_

_Kaoru snuffed out his cigarette and came back in, stopping after closing the door and giving Die a suspicious look. "I don't want to know, do I?" he asked, looking around._

_Die blinked at him innocently and then laughed, shaking his head. "Don't drink things on the floor."_

_Kaoru looked at him for a moment before it clicked. Shuddering, he went over to Die, extending his arm, but looking away. "Gross gross gross gross, gimme. I'll go dump it in the toilet."_

_He arched his eyebrow at the other, but shifted around again, moving to get the bottle and then putting it in Kaoru's hand. "It still hurts to move... I'm sorry?" He turned it into a bit of a question at the end, not really wanting to be wrong about apologizing._

_Kaoru held the bottle as far out from his body as possible, taking it into the bathroom and unscrewing the cap, pouring the urine into the toilet and flushing, then rinsing it out with hot water. "No, just... the whole "don't drink anything on the floor" and the fact that it's in a bottle created a really gross mental image for me." He fake gagged and then returned with the bottle, setting it back where it was._

_"At least I didn't put it on the desk," he murmured, shrugging slightly. He watched Kaoru. "I'll try to get up next time, I promise." Really, he wasn't aiming to make Kaoru gag._

_He waved his hands, going back and washing them again, just for good measure. "No! Don't hurt yourself if you can't really get up and move yet. I don't mind, just... "Don't drink that" when I know you're talking about piss triggered some seriously not okay mental images." He tried to laugh and came back out, grabbing two of the Fantas, the bag of salt and vinegar chips, and the pack of Peeps, cellophane wrapped with four boxes with five little marshmallow chicks in each box, each box with a different color; one pink, one purple, one green, and one yellow. He crawled up on the bed again and snuggled into Die's side, handing him one of the sodas._

_Die sniffled a bit and rubbed his cheek a little. "Sorry," he made a face, "drinking piss... eww."_

_"I don't know why I'm in such a junk-food mood," he muttered, opening the Peeps first. "Not even kidding, these are on like, the top ten of my list of reasons that I like living in America."_

_Die stared over that the junk food and then grinned, making grabby hands at the pink Peeps. "Peeps! I love them!" He wanted to bounce a little, but he held it back._

_Kaoru chuckled. "Oh God, we're gonna need to stock up, aren't we? I'm addicted to these things." He pulled off one of the pink, cute little delicious birds and held it in front of Die's mouth. "They're the best in hot cocoa."_

_Die leaned in and chomped down on the pink treat. With the fluffy marshmallow in his mouth, his eyes widened. "Mmmm... hot cocoa!"_

_Kaoru chuckled, eating the other half of the little chick and then reaching out and brushing some pink sugar off from around Die's mouth. "Mmhmm. I get the snowmen shaped ones in winter and make my own hot cocoa. Hopefully, by winter, we'll be living together, and I'll make you some so we can snuggle up under some blankets together." He smiled and opened the bag of chips, crunching some. "So what do you want to do, sugar? Are you tired?" Die didn't seem like it, he was pretty perky, which was good, it made Kaoru feel like he was recovering well._

_Die grinned at that, reaching for a blue Peep and munching on it next. "Not tired... mm... cheesy movie or something?"_

_Kaoru nodded, grabbing his computer and pulling up Netflix. "Cheesy sappy, or cheesy funny? Or both? There's a hilarious romantic comedy, emphasis on the comedy, with Jenny McCarthy called Dirty Love. I die laughing every time."_

_Die blinked, shrugging. "You choose. I'm all good. Whatever you want to watch."_

_Kaoru chuckled. "Ah, okay. If you hate this, I'm sorry, it is kind of a chick flick, but I think it's so funny." He found the movie on Watch Instantly and put it on full screen, getting up and turning the lights off before coming back to the bed and snuggling up close with Die and setting his laptop in between them. It was most certainly a chick-flick, but the humor was much dirtier and took up more of the movie than the romance aspect. Kaoru laughed loudly, snorting in between a few times. He was slightly embarrassed to find also that watching it now, after having been with Die, he was definitely more captivated by the tit scenes._

_Die snuggled up close to Kaoru, watching the movie, giggling at times and shoving his hands over his eyes at other parts. "I'm so gald they're gonneeeeeee," he declared, talking about his ovaries. Not that he'd ever had a period, but... still._

_Kaoru looked at him and laughed. "You never even had a cycle!" He kissed Die's head. "When I finally told Sita about you, that was her first reaction after some prodding and she found out you didn't ovulate, apparently. She was a little drunk at the time and she started screaming "Cheater! Cheater!!!" and then spilled her drink." He chuckled thinking back on it, leaving out the parts where that had actually been the second discussion about Die. The first had not been nearly as friendly._

_Die snorted. "I saw my mother do it... I didn't need to." He made a face and then shook his head._

_He rolled his eyes and rubbed Die's arm, watching the movie quietly for a while. Talking about Sita had brought up memories of the fight they'd had when he had first told his best friend about Die having been born a woman. He knew she wouldn't really understand, she loved him, but was honestly a little narrow-minded, hadn't been exposed enough by her very conservative Indian family to have opened up a lot. She went to the gay bars with Kaoru, sometimes, but that was about the extent of her acceptance, and even then, she wasn't always very comfortable. Their friendship stemmed a lot more from their mutual interest in art and having been each other's support in an all-white, all-American-born class of an already snobby private school._

_When he'd first told her, she didn't believe him, thought he was joking. When he insisted that no, biologically, Die was actually a woman, and had had a chest reconstruction and was working towards genital reassignment, she'd seemed disgusted. He showed her the photos of Die in the bikini just to prove it and Sita had flipped. In India, there was a third gender called hijra, all male to female transsexuals, that were shunned and forced into a life of begging, viewed as witches that, to obtain money simply to eat, would bless newborns or newly weds, or threaten to curse anyone who refused to pay them for a blessing. The closest reference she had in her head to try and relate to what Kaoru had told her about Die was that, and she'd immediately said some very hurtful things. For weeks, they didn't talk, until Sita finally started to realize, even though she still didn't understand, that whatever Die was, her best friend loved him, and he was, as little as she knew from the few times they'd met, genuinely sweet and good to Kaoru._

_Die sat beside his lover, completely oblivious to what was going on in Kaoru's mind. He giggled at a part in the movie and then reached over for a yellow Peep, shoving it next to Kaoru's mouth. "Peep!" he made a sound like the little commercial Peeps did._

_Kaoru smiled, biting off the delicious chick's head with a growl, making a face at Die before chuckling, licking the sugar off his lips and kissing his lover. "Mm, you're way too cute when you're doped up, you know that?"_

_Die giggled again, kissing him back before blushing. "Really? Reaalllly really?" He grinned._

_He sucked at Die's bottom lip with a tiny moan, pulling back with a wide grin. "Mm, definitely. I just wish you weren't all... immobile and stitched back together to be doped up." He gave a tiny frown and put his arm fully around Die, pulling him closer. As the movie neared its end, he stayed quiet, rubbing Die's hair and resting his cheek against it, finally uttering lowly, "I could not possibly be more grateful to whatever put you in my life..." He sniffed a little and stifled a yawn. But when Kaoru made that comment, Die smiled. "I'm happy for you being in my life, too."_

_Die gave Kaoru a confused little look. "You'd rather I be doped up and not just had surgery?" he asked, though he was rather chipper about it._

_Kaoru blushed. "Well, I have kind of always wanted to get stoned with you. The sex would be... killer." He hugged Die a little more at the response, laying his cheek on his lover's hair while the movie finished and then closed his laptop._

_He tiled his head a little and then laughed. "Hmm... well... maybe... when I have some vacation time or something that's long enough to let the THC out of my system?" He scratched his head a little. "How long does it take to get out?"_

_Kaoru shrugged. "Honestly, there's shit that will clean your system out. The fact that you dye you hair makes it hard to do a hair test, anyway, and urine tests are easy to get a false pass on." He blushed that he knew that. "Er... sorry. Druggie fun facts coming out."_

_Die tilted his head a little and then shrugged a bit. "At least one of us knows... all I know is all the scary facts."_

_Kaoru snickered a little, then pursed his lips. "I kinda wish I didn't know... considering how I acquired the knowledge." He shrugged a little. "I mean, weed is one thing, I get more fucked up on alcohol, honestly, but... I really, really regret being an addict. Like... every fucking day."_

_He nuzzled a bit closer. "But you're not anymore... that's what counts... right?"_

_Kaoru sighed. "Well... not really, I mean, I'm not _using_ anymore, but I'm still an addict. I'll always be an addict. I think about it all the time, I want it _all the time_. Sometimes it's really bad and I want to give in, every once in a while I sort of substitute to try and make it quit hurting so bad and do poppers or Adderall or something, which I hate, but it's better than doing coke. It's a day-to-day thing for me, baby."_

_Die listened to him, gnawing on his lower lip for a long time before he nodded. He'd heard that phrase before, only it had been once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. It was all the same he supposed and it tended to make more sense than not. He sniffed a bit. "How often do you have to do something?" Part of him wondered how many times Kaoru had done something that wasn't weed and been on it when he'd seen him... and if he'd noticed anything different at all._

_Kaoru rubbed his cheek self-consciously. "Ah, I dunno... every few months, I guess. Sometimes it starts a little bit of a binge, but, so long as it's not coke and just some kind of speed, I cut myself off within a week or two." Admitting such things was dangerous, he knew. He was honestly scared that if he ever relapsed, Die would leave him. He knew he was meaner than hell when he was high._

_Die bit his lip and nodded. "Has it happened since we've been together?" he questioned softly._

_Kaoru hung his head, looking at his lap. "Ah... yes. A few times. When I first met you, actually... I was a little tweaked on Adderall from the night before. Honestly, it's probably why I got so focused on where my film was going and didn't pay attention to your car in front of me. And... a couple times after that..."_

_He made an interesting face before murmuring, "Why can't I tell?"_

_Kaoru sighed. "Because I'm used to it, because you don't know what to look for, because it doesn't affect me all that much, just enough to take the edge off." He shrugged. "If I ever did coke again, trust me, you'd know. I twitch, a lot, and I'm mean. I just... get nervy and frustrated and say really terrible things. Especially if I'm drinking, too."_

_The frown on Die's face at that point rivaled all the frowns he'd ever given in the presence of his lover. He reached for Kaoru and squished him against him. "Please don't ever do coke again, baby... please?"_

_Kaoru winced, letting Die hug onto him, feeling rather shitty. "I can't promise that, Die. I wish I could, but I can't."_

_He gnawed on his lip for a long moment before he quietly asked, "Does it make it harder that I have pills that would be considered drugs?" Because if it did, he was more than willing to give them up. He'd rather be in pain than taunting Kaoru with his use of such things._

_Kaoru actually chuckled, pressing his nose into Die's hair. "No, baby. If I want a downer, I've got booze and weed. My thing was always speed, uppers, anything that would keep me wide open and not giving a fuck about anything." He stroked his lover's arm, holding him._

_Die nodded, reaching to press his hand against Kaoru's hair gently. "If anything I ever have or do does something... tell me?"_

_Kaoru nodded, stretching and starting to pull away. "I will. I doubt you'll ever have anything around to get me twitchy, but, I'll let you know." He crawled to the end of the bed and kissed the top of one of Die's bare feet, slinking off and going into the bathroom to piss, not even bothering to close the door. "I'm gonna smoke, do you want to try and come outside with me, or are we just going to smoke in here again?" He honestly preferred doing it outside, the room didn't circulate out the smell very well, but he knew if he was in Die's position, he'd want a fucking cigarette._

_Die sniffed, thinking about it and then tilting his head a little. "Mmm... try to help me up?" He kind of wanted to see how much it would hurt. Maybe he could actually convince himself to get up in the middle of the night to pee rather than pee in the bottle and horrify Kaoru again._

_Kaoru came around the bed and put one hand at Die's back, the other holding onto his bicep, bracing him and letting Die use him for leverage._

_Die sniffed a bit and then carefully put his arm around Kaoru's back, his other one pushing on the bed. He got up, testing the waters to stand up and then let out a pleased sound. "I'm good," he murmured, before starting to shuffle off toward the balcony._

_Kaoru couldn't help but think his little shuffling feet over the floor was adorable, giggling quietly and making sure he was close in case Die fell. He opened the sliding glass door and then helped Die down into one of the chairs, kissing his cheek and then sitting beside him, lighting one of Die's menthols for him and handing it to him before lighting one for himself._

_Die accepted the help, moving along and then smiling when he was settled in a chair and Kaoru handed him his lit cigarette. He inhaled the bitter smoke, savoring the tingle of the menthol. He let out a soft breath and then licked his lips slightly. "It's nice to have these pleasures still at least," he murmured._

_Laughing, Kaoru reached over and took Die's hand. "Mm, I bet. Hopefully your sex-drive will actually calm down so the dry spell won’t seem so bad."_

_Die snorted and then shook his head. "We'll see," he replied._

_Kaoru’s fingers traced along the snake skin tattooed along his lover's hand and he smiled. "I love how the only ink you have is in one of the most conspicuous places possible."_

_When the touch came on his hand, he smiled softly and stared down at it. "Yeah... well... kind of a point to that," he murmured._

_Kaoru hummed. He could guess several meanings to the tattoo, but he'd rather have Die explain it. "Oh? And what significance does it have for you?"_

_"A lot of them..." he murmured, tracing over it for a moment. "But the main one... is the symbolism of a snake shedding its skin. I got it when I started the first round of counseling." He really hoped Kaoru would find the reason deep inside that._

_A soft smile tugged at Kaoru's lips. "I thought it was something like that. I couldn't really figure it out at first, but then after I, ya know, knew..." He paused for a moment and rubbed Die's hand. "Baby... I know I apologized, but... I still feel fucking terrible, how I treated you when I first found out. I can't imagine how rejected and like shit I made you feel just walking out, or even maybe how arrogant it might have seemed for me to come back and just expect you to brush it off. I... I know I hurt you. And I'm so, so sorry."_

_Die swallowed slightly, licking his lips and then nodding. "Yeah... it makes little sense until then, I know." His own fingers brushed over the tattoo before he grasped Kaoru's hand. "I think... you've proven that it was just a knee jerk reaction and nothing more, baby."_

_"Still..." He shook his head. "I know it's different now, but, I can't help but think of how I'd feel if you walked out on me. Like, if I'd told you I had done coke, or porn, or any of that, and you'd just left in a huff, how fucking devastated I'd have been, and that's what I did to you." He frowned and kissed the back of Die's hand, thin wisps of smoking escaping from between his lips._

_Die took another drag from his cigarette and then sighed softly. "I was... I was a wreck... but I guess I also kind of expected it." He shrugged a little. "At least you came back."_

_"Of course I came back." He smiled, leaning over and kissing Die's cheek. "I was already so crazy about you. And now," he took a big, dramatic breath, lifting he and Die's joined hands with a smirk, "we'll maybe be living together, and I won’t ever have to leave you. I'll get to go to sleep and wake up next to you every day." He sighed. "God, that sounds so good already."_

_Die continued smoking his cigarette, seeming satisfied with it, squeezing his lover's hand. "Agreed," he murmured softly. Because really... it did._

_Finishing up his cigarette, he snubbed it out in the ashtray, waiting on Die so that he could help him back inside. "It's exciting, thinking about a place that's _ours_. And coming home to each other, and not having to go anywhere to be together... yeah, this is the best idea we've had in a while." He giggled a little, blushing slightly at his own giddiness._

_Die finished off his own smoke and then crushed the butt out in the ashtray. "Agreed. I'm happy we're going to do this."_

_Kaoru stood, stretching. "I was going to say we should get a cat, but you're allergic and I hate dogs. House plants?" He chuckled, leaning down to help Die up again._

_Die laughed softly, shaking his head a bit and then shrugging. "If we washed it regularly, then I wouldn't be allergic. It's actually the dander, not the fur."_

_Kaoru rolled his eyes. "I am not regularly washing a cat. Not a ninja, honey." He laughed and kissed Die's neck, leaning to hug around his back and pull him to his feet._

_He laughed and then shook his head a little. "Hmm... maybe... a guinea pig?" He made his way to his feet with Kaoru's help, wobbling for a second before managing._

_Kaoru hugged him close when he felt him wobble, snorting at the guinea pig suggestion. "Rodents are not allowed in our house." He chuckled and opened the door, helping Die back inside. "Probably best to not have any animals at first, anyway...."_

_Die made a face. "But guinea pigs are cuteeee," he replied, allowing Kaoru to usher him inside. "I dunno, it might make things even more fun!"_

_Kaoru just laughed, pulling back the sheet for Die and pulling out the little crate of strawberries, washing them off in the sink and returning to the bed, offering them to his lover with a little "You know you wannaaaa" face._

_Die settled into bed and then curled up against the headboard, staring over at what Kaoru was doing. When he was offered those strawberries, he smiled sweetly, taking one and then holding it up to Kaoru's lips._

_Kaoru chuckled at him, biting the fruit off its leafy top and then leaning in and pecking Die's lips. "See? I look out for you. I got all your favorites, as far as I'm aware." He settled down on the bed beside Die with the crate of strawberries in his lap._

_Die accepted the kiss with a little smile before starting to chew on his own strawberry, looking pleased. "You're so sweet."_

_Kaoru just beamed. "I try." He leaned back and put his arm over Die's shoulders. "Baby, have you ever taken a portfolio of your stuff to any local galleries or anything?" He, himself, had had his work in a few smaller, local artist exhibits, and sometimes sold prints in the local cafes. "I think you should look into it."_

_He sniffed a bit and then shook his head. "No way... I'm not good enough to be a real artist. I'm just a graphical designer. I use other people's work to make my own... that's not art."_

_The famous "Baby, I love you, but you're fucking nuts" look got thrown Die's way. "Die, you're an amazing artist. The work you do now, sure, you use stock bases, but you're also a _commercial_ artist, you get commissioned to do specific things. I think you have... so much fucking potential. I'm serious, I'd love to see you do original stuff, in traditional medium, even; paints, collage, mixed-medium abstract work." He squeezed his lover's hand, his eyes serious. "I know you have it in you."_

_Die stared at him for a long time and then bit his lip. After a minute, he sighed. "I'm too hard on myself to do anything that isn't commissioned, Kaoru. You watched me tear up that drawing. I never see anything perfect. It's all shitty in some way to me. Other people are perfect... I'm not."_

_Kaoru gnawed at his lip, listening to Die. For a moment, he was lost for words. Grabbing his laptop, he pulled up a folder labeled "Old Shit". Searching around, he clicked on a set of photos and set them to slideshow, going through them. The angles were like someone trying to copy the style Kaoru had now. The lighting was over-dramatic and stark. It was clear some of them were actually scans of real film prints, and the subject matter was fairly boring, and yet, there was something about them that was inspiring, like a diamond in the rough. "This was me after my first year in college. This is when I first started really doing art for me, as _my_ art. Baby, even if you don't think you're perfect now, you have in in your _heart_ to be an artist, it's _there_. I'm not forcing you to do anything, or going to push you towards it, but, I just think it would be good for you, and it would be _good_. I mean, really good."_

_Die peered over at his computer and stared at the work. He nodded, listening to him as he spoke about it. After a few minutes, he pulled a leg up very very carefully, wincing at a certain point and putting it back down. He sighed softly. "You really think I should work on it more? On my own stuff, I mean?" He gave Kaoru a worried look, as if he weren't entirely sure of himself._

_Kaoru almost rolled his eyes. " _Yes_! Yes, baby, I would love to see you do your own stuff!" He closed his laptop again and shoved it down towards the end of the bed, hugging Die and kissing the side of his mouth. "You know you've always got my support."_

_Die bit his lip and then nodded a little. "C'mere... take advantage of the fact that I can only make out for now, yeah?"_

_Kaoru smirked, nodding as he set the strawberries aside and wrapped his arms around Die's neck, careful of shifting him too much, and kissed him slow and deep, taking his time. He loved the softness of Die's lips, how full and supple his mouth was, his perfect, sharp teeth. Kaoru had always had a weak spot for mouths with guys, and it helped tremendously that Die's was so... incredible._

_Die leaned back against the pillowy cushion, letting out a soft moan of appreciation when his lover started kissing him. His hand speared into Kaoru's hair and he just hung on, kissing him back and trying not to push the pace any more than Kaoru did. This... was for Kaoru._

_Sliding his hand up and down Die's arm, Kaoru finally found a comfortable position where he didn't feel like he was about to bump against Die's lower abdomen. His tongue explored his lover's mouth slowly, savoring the taste of him, moaning softly to just be able to kiss him, nice and slow. He loved the way Die tasted, that unique flavor that would always only ever belong to his lover, the feel of his tongue, the way their lips fit and their noses bumped, the little bit of stubble on his face scratching faintly against the tiny amount on Die, something that had gotten progressively more noticeable throughout the span of their relationship. For Kaoru, it was like getting the chance to re-learn Die, to focus on just his kiss and be able to glean so much from it._

_Die let out a tiny whimper as the kiss progressed, his hands doing their best to just stay still while he kissed his lover back. Finally, he ended up realizing that unless he kept his hands to himself - folded neatly in his lap - then they were going to wander and he couldn't just make himself not want to touch more than was allowable given the present situation. The way he saw it, at least his mouth was cooperating with the whole thing, allowing the kiss to stay slow rather than trying to push it all up another notch._

_Kaoru noticed that Die had his hands just tucked into his lap, like he was uncomfortable and wasn't enjoying this at all. Growling, he took Die's wrists and put his lover's arms around his neck, nibbling at his lower lip before stabbing his tongue back into Die's mouth._

_He shivered a little at the aggressiveness of his lover moving his body how he wanted it. A breathless little gasp let him when his wrists were tugged up and pushed into place around Kaoru's neck. His fingers laced and he left them there, still kissing his lover in return._

_Kaoru rubbed one of Die's arms, the other hand going to the back of the redhead's neck as he pulled away from his mouth and dusted butterfly kisses along his jaw and neck. "I could kiss you for days," he purred softly, brushing his lips across the soft skin just under Die's jaw._

_Die blushed a bit, biting his lower lip, his head tilted a little for Kaoru to do as he pleased. Part of his mind was drifting to doing something else to Kaoru, to offer him what he could. But that wasn't what Kaoru wanted from this, so he just kept himself quiet, stroking at Kaoru's neck a little with his thumbs._

_Kaoru made his way back to Die's mouth, kissing him lazily for a while longer, entranced by the way their lips fit together, the skin sticking to each other a little, the wet slide of his lover's mouth against his own. At last, he pressed a long, single kiss against Die and pulled back, leaning his forehead against the other's, smiling almost sleepily at him._

_Die returned the smile, finally slipping his hands to Kaoru's shoulders and squeezing them gently. "Tired?"_

_Kaoru nodded. "A little." He leaned his head against one of the hands on his shoulder, groaning happily at it. "You?"_

_"Some," he murmured softly. "Should we sleep then?"_

_Kaoru nodded, getting up and putting his laptop and the food away, stripping down and curling up beside Die, switching the lights off. He snuggled up against Die, hugging onto his arm. "Mm, night, sweetie."_

_Die scooted down some, curling up and yawning before quickly drifting off to sleep. Things like that came easy to him these days... especially with Kaoru there._


	26. Chapter 25

After a couple days of recovery and the flight home, interaction between Kaoru and Die suddenly hit a complete stop. As usual, Kaoru had bitten off far more than he could chew, catching up financially; he'd agreed to take over for one of the other performers at Derrick's, which meant every Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday, dolling up and going to perform, and hosting karaoke on Wednesday. In between, he still had his regular job with the magazine, plus some free-lance work with weddings, a local band, and a couple that had just had their first child. The band, he didn't mind, but the weddings and the baby had made him have to swallow his pride; if he wanted to do that kind of photography, he would have worked at the Sears photo department, for Christ's sake. 

Either way, it was wearing him out. Just two and a half weeks in, he was stressed out, dropping weight, hardly sleeping, and left with little to no spare time to spend with Die, or anyone. At first, he kept in touch, at least, with calls and texts messages, spamming his lover's Facebook with wall posts of "I love you!", but as he slowly became more worn down, he just forgot to keep in touch, only wanted to go to sleep when he was finally home and had a spare minute to himself. He honestly felt like shit, and hated that there was still another seven or so weeks ahead of the same bullshit, and not having Die around was really only making it worse.

Die had been mostly moping around the apartment, bored out of his mind. He was working from home just because he was honestly going stir-crazy. He wanted nothing more than to just be with Kaoru for a few minutes; to hug him or talk on the phone for a few minutes. But it'd been almost a week since they'd really talked. The last few messages he'd sent to Kaoru still hadn’t been returned and he was certain his lover was just busy as all hell.

Three days after coming back home, Die had managed to get a mild infection which he'd had to take a taxi to the doctor in order to get examined and obtain prescription drugs for. Between all the meds and the tons of time he had on his hands, he'd been getting a little extra time in on drawing. Three filled notebooks lay beside him, most of his pencils only stubs. Bored... he was so very fucking bored.

Sighing, he rolled over on the couch, his eyes squinting at the TV. Great... late night always ended up providing him with glimpses of things he didn't really want for the time being. For the past two days he'd been horny and this dumb show wasn't helping at all. He flicked off the TV and grabbed his phone, flipping it open and starting to text Kyo. If Kaoru wasn't answering, then he'd bug someone else in the middle of the night.

_You awake?_

Kyo had been back in Nagoya for a few days, wandering around the apartment. He was officially on "song writing time", but he was honestly just taking a few days to relax, to decompress from his tour and promoting the new single, to which he needed to add the rest of an album. The text from Die was much welcome to his boredom.

_It's like... past noon here. Yes, I'm awake. :D What's up? You okay?_

Die smiled to himself. Good... it was better to bother someone in mid-day than mid-night. He quickly thumbed back a response.

_I'm soooo bored. Kaoru's been really busy and I just want to talk to someone._

Kyo smiled, wandering over to the floor-to-ceiling window and taking a picture of himself, in just sweats and a t-shirt and tousled, loose hair, with Nagoya behind him. His apartment building was set just outside of the downtown area so that it had an amazing view of said area. He sent the photo with _Greetings from Nagoya! I'm bored, too. I'm in chill mode. Too bad about Kaoru! You should sneak-attack him and get some love._

When he received the picture mail, he grinned. He always loved getting pictures from Kyo. He felt like he was on some kind of super special list when he did. He took a quick picture of himself. He was in his silver, silk PJs, lounging on the couch, red hair hanging everywhere and an incredibly bored expression on his face. _I can't. He won't go past kissing because of my surgery. Besides, he's stopped answering the past few days, so I think he's really, really tired. *sigh* And the damn TV isn't helping. Logo was showing some show with two guys fucking. I wanted in so bad._

Laughing, the blonde leaned against the back of his couch. _Oh no! How are healing up, by the way, are you alright? It's cute that he's looking out for you though, you could really be in a world of hurt if you started having sex again too soon. Why not just go over and sleep in the same bed? You've got to be missing him._

After sending it, he couldn't help the devious urge. Pulling up his shirt and flexing his flat abs, Kyo took a photo and sending it to Die. _I guess this doesn't help, huh? :3_

He received the first text and started to respond, but then the picture mail came through. He blinked and then grinned. _Hnn... I think it helps. At least someone's showing me something!_ He sent the text and then went back to Kyo's picture and smiled as he stared at it. Damn that man was sexy. After a moment, he replied again. _Next time I see you, show me how you work out._

Kyo laughed darkly. Knowing he was turning someone on always stoked the fires of his ego. _Aw!!! Busy or not, Kaoru needs to make time for you!_

At the second text he just rolled his eyes, going to sit on the couch. _Honestly, I jog, sometimes do like... sit-ups, push-ups, weight lifting... but the abs is from singing. No shit._ He simply couldn't help how mischievous he was. Pulling down his sweats so they sat low on his hips, he flexed again, the top of his pubes showing a little. _Side crunches for these hips, though, baby. Favorite part of my body._

Die smirked a bit as he read the texts and then looked at the photo. For a moment, he just reveled in it. _Fuck... just when I thought I had a nice mental picture to keep, it turns out that even that wasn't somehow as gorgeous as the real deal._ That wasn't wrong... was it? He hoped not. After all, he had always lived by allowed to look, just not touch... without permission.

Kyo sat and stared at the text for a long time. It wasn't like he had romantic inclinations for Die, and he didn't think Die had any for him, but there was obviously a sexual attraction, and he was a hopeless flirt. Hoping he didn't regret it, preferring to stay friends with Die, he replied _Oh, there's more where that came from..._

It was almost long enough in between the texts that Die thought maybe he'd said the wrong thing. He was just about to hit the text button to apologize for being inappropriate when he got the reply. He smirked to himself and shifted again. _Oh yeah?_ He sent it and then moved the blanket he'd had on his lap down, revealing that he wasn't wearing his pants. He took the picture, though he was mostly in shadow. He smiled as he sent it to Kaoru's email and to Kyo's phone.

Kyo bit his lip at the tease, then opened the picture message and started laughing. It was slightly uncomfortable, making him think, _Shit, we're seriously about to go into dangerous territory_ , not to mention the fact that he wasn't sure how he felt about Die's front. It wasn’t completely unwelcome, nor a mood-kill, though. Texting back he hoped it came across as loving when he replied, _ROFL, your woman cock is mega-awesome._

After it was sent, he pulled his sweats down and stroked himself until he was half-hard, letting his cock rest up against his flat stomach, snapping a photo, fully lit from the sun coming in the window, and sent it without any caption to Die.

Dangerous territory wasn't even on Die's mind. After all, he didn't really consider this to be anything except the same as looking through porn on the internet. Only... hotter. He shivered when he opened the photo from Kyo, staring at his cock for a long minute. Finally, he replied. _You have no idea how sexy it is that you're pierced. It's gorgeous._ It took him a moment of hesitation before he went back to the photo Kyo had sent and licked his fingers, slowly stroking his lady dick.

Whimpering softly, Kyo closed his eyes and just slid his hand over his cock, getting himself completely hard. After a moment, he replied _Thanks. I really love it. It's still kind of sore, but the pain is a nice quirk._

Stroking a little more, he took another photo of his hand around his rather ample-sized cock, thumb facing in, the back of his hand towards the camera, the two bars through the top of the base of his cock showed off nicely.

Die smiled at the reply, answering with _Same here._ The picture came through and he bit his lip hard, letting out a moan while he stared at the photo. God... he could get off just from that, he was certain of it. But with Kyo, he was sure there would be more to come than that. It kind of appeared that the other was equally as not-shy as he was.

He flipped to his video feature and started with it pointed at his head, a sultry look on his face, a blush staining his cheeks. Slowly he sucked his middle finger, lubing it up with saliva. He pulled the camera down his body to between his legs where he slowly circled his asshole with the tip of his finger, moaning softly.

The video cut out and he smirked to himself while he sent it to Kyo.

Kyo just watched the video, blinking at it. Die was definitely a trip for a decidedly gay man. Everything about him was a beautiful, sexy man... except for the fact that he had a pussy. It made him tilt his head a little, then watch the first part of the video again. That was still very much hot.

Getting up, he went around his apartment, grabbing his laptop and a laundry hamper and a few other necessary things and going into the bathroom before sending Die a web address and a password, with no explanation.

Die blinked at the response. Shrugging, he shifted a little, reaching for his laptop and slowly moving around to get it situated. Sniffing a bit, he started to get it booted up. Inputting his password, he waited for it to fully boot before he started his browser and put in the web address and then the password when he was prompted to do so. There was a look of pure curiosity on his face.

The site was simply a password protected stream of Kyo's webcam, sat low on the overturned laundry hamper, facing into his bathroom. Kyo was sitting cross-legged in front of it, slowly stroking his cock. At the bottom of the screen was a chat box which currently only held one message:

????: Let me know when you're here and I'll get started.

Die's mouth actually fell open when he saw what it was. He let out a little moan and quickly entered a name and then a message.

RedFlame: I'm here... and amazed. <3

Kyo leaned forward and laughed. There was no sound, but it was clear he chuckled, lifting a hand and waving, giving a little wink. Scooting back a little, he sat with his legs apart, knees bent, knobby-toed feet flat on the tiles. He reached off camera and brought back a bottle of lube, pouring some into his palm and beating off for a moment before trailing his slick hand down over his balls and slipping a long, thin finger into himself, head falling back, blonde hair falling away from his bliss-contorted face like a veil.

Die let out a long sound of satisfaction, shivering. Biting his lip, he opened a recording program, hoping Kyo wouldn't have an issue with that. He figured he'd kind of intuitively know, even if he didn't say it, so it was pointless to try to lie. He settled back, rubbing his palm over his lady dick while he watched. With his other hand, he typed.

RedFlame: I hope you know I'm keeping this. >.>

Kyo rolled his hips against his own hand for a moment after the little ping announced a new message, finally crawling over to the computer, on his knees, typing with one hand while the other reached around behind himself and commenced its previous task. He read the message and laughed, nodding.

????: Don't let Kaoru see~~~~ Or watch it with him ~_^ One of the two.

Die let out a soft laugh and then typed back.

RedFlame: Maybe I could show him and he'll let me suck his dick while he watches. XDD

He licked his lips and pressed harder against himself, another moan pulling free. He was glad that the doctor had told him as long as he didn't use anything to penetrate himself for a while that he could play with his clit as long as it didn't feel like it hurt when he came. With how horny he was, he really hoped it wasn't going to be too bad. But even if it was... it would be worth it to him.

????: YOU ARE SUCH A SKANK! <3 I definitely love it.

Scooting back again, Kyo leaned on one hand, the other now stretching himself with three fingers, his wide mouth open, panting, his cheeks painted with a dark blush. His cock was straining for attention, but he denied it for a while, content to plunge his fingers as deep as he possible could. 

After a good while of this, he obliged his weeping cock, stroking it and leaning up to fondle his balls, and before any onlooker could really figure out what was happening, he was pulling his sac aside, lying on his back, and pushing his cock down and around to nudge the head at his own entrance.

Die kept squirming around while he watched Kyo. He let out a whimper that made it clear he was intensely aroused. He rubbed harder, his middle finger just rubbing over the lips of his sopping wet pussy. He shivered as he stared at Kyo pushing his dick against his own asshole. "Holy mother of fuck!" he announced to the room, despite no one being able to hear him except himself.

As if hearing Die, Kyo's chest heaved slightly in a laugh, his back arched up off the floor, one arm stretching up above him, head thrown back. He angled his hips, the muscles of his thighs tensing and quivering to try and stay steady as he slipped the head of his cock into himself. As if that alone had given him some great relief, he melted against the floor for a moment, feet pressed with the heels almost touching his ass, but his knees butterflied out on either side of him. His chest and stomach moved with his breath for a long minute before he started to push his cock in, palm over it, fingers just moving it in and then letting it slide back out a bit on its own, then pushing it in once more. The pace at first was slow, but he quickly gained speed and force, and his body was like a collapsing doll with the strings being tightened again, writhing and tensing, tendons standing out, veins bulging from the skin, his free hand clawing across his chest until it was clear he was actually making himself bleed.

Die cried out softly, whimpering as he rubbed his lady dick harder. His hips pushed up sharply, straining almost everything. Pain swept through him, but it was followed immediately by intense relief as he came, muscles convulsing. He trembled and collapsed against the couch, staring at Kyo as he continued fucking himself. Die made all kinds of little noises while he gently rubbed over himself, licking his lips. "Oh... damn," he whispered out, still staring at the screen.

He quickly typed out a message, knowing Kyo would probably ignore it until he was done at this point.

RedFlame: If I could do that... I'd never leave the house. Sexy shit... seriously sexy shit. <3

Kyo panted and squirmed, looking really rather like a vertical form of himself on stage, minus the masturbation (though in some instances, even that was a bit debatable), shoving his cock as deep as possible into himself. The double pleasure and the simple novelty of knowing it was his own body he was invading had him over the edge quickly. His entire body tensed, each muscle standing out starkly as his cock pulsed. He took his hand off of it, letting it slip out of his ass and sort of spring back, stroking out the last few spurts, a line of cum dribbling from his asshole. When his release was finished, he simply lay on the floor for a long time, panting and rolling his head back and forth a little. After a good five minutes of just wallowing in bliss, he rolled over and crawled up onto his knees, making his way back over to the computer and sitting in front of it.

????: Glad you enjoyed. It's not as great as it seems, honestly. I mean... it feels fucking amazing, yeah, duh. But I'd rather have someone's arms around me, any day <3 You've got the better bargain, kid, I promise. Anyway, that's the end of the show-- ??!

Not sure if Die could read any Japanese, he demonstrated his meaning by leaning forward and kissing the camera before shutting it off, closing his computer and starting to clean up.

Die let out a low moan, gnawing on his lower lip. He was beautiful... just incredible. His eyes glued to the fact that the other had his own cum dribbling out of his asshole. He shivered, one hand slipping down to prod at his own entrance, wondering what it would feel like if he had a 'real' dick and could shove it into his ass.

Once Kyo was sprawled out on the floor, he smiled softly to himself. There was something so simple and peaceful about the moment that he just remained utterly silent, waiting and watching. Once Kyo was finished mopping up himself and the bathroom and had put his computer and laundry hamper back, he spread out on the floor by the window, sunning himself, and opened his phone, sending a text to Die. _Hey, keep an eye out on your man, okay? He's not very good at stress._

When the final chat message came, Die smiled at him and waved back even though no one could see it. He worked on saving the file in several formats and then shooting off an email to Kaoru.

_Hey baby,_

_I miss you something awful. Boring around here without you. I have something to show you if you get a few minutes to come by and play. *smirk*_

_Love you! <3_

_Die_

_PS  
Check your phone_

A moment later, he forwarded the first picture of Kyo's dick to Kaoru's phone. A moment after he'd sent it, his phone vibrated and he checked the message from Kyo. _Yeah, I know... I told him to come over for a few minutes soon. Or I'll raid his bedroom in the middle of the night after going over in a taxi or something._

Kyo was almost napping on the floor when Die responded. _Taxi? Are you seriously not even able to drive yet? Damn, I thought the recovery was pretty easy for that._

Not long after Kyo had sent his message, Kaoru sent his own. _...Why do you have a picture of Kyo's dick? It's making me jealous. I've been so exhausted, I haven't had a boner in four days. No lie._ Another minute later he sent a picture message. _Seriously considering sleeping in my makeup. Just got home. So. Tired. Miss you to pieces._ The photo was taken in his bathroom mirror of Kaoru in full Yuuko face but naked from the waist up otherwise, a wig cap pulled a bit sideways on his head and one eye almost shut in the universal expression of "You've got to be fucking kidding me".

Die made a face at Kyo's text. _Not yet. It hurts to move around still. I got an infection, so it like... halted the healing for a few days._ Kyo read the text, but didn't respond, mostly asleep on the floor in the warmth of the afternoon sun streaming into his window.

Die's heart thumped hard in his chest when Kaoru responded the way he did. Had he made a huge mistake just now? He gnawed on his lip for a minute, feeling like an ass. Cold heat ran though his body, dread pooling in his stomach. How did he explain what had happened? To him it had been innocent. But he was slowly starting to realize that to Kaoru it probably wasn't going to be the same.

 _Can I come over?_ was all he finally texted, confused what else to say.

Kaoru took a while to reply, washing off his makeup anyway (his face was beginning to break out already from having to wear heavy makeup so often) and stripping down, crawling into bed. _I gave you a key for a reason. I'll probably already be asleep by the time you get here, but it will feel good just to have you beside me._ He was honestly really annoyed and paranoid why Die had had a picture of Kyo's dick, hard dick, at that, on his phone, but exhaustion ruled out any action he might have taken on it. Right then, all he wanted was to go to sleep, and he'd rather feel Die's arms around him than to start any kind of fight.

 _I love you..._ He hit send and then forced himself to get up, finding his pants and pulling them on. He added some flip flops and then packed up his laptop and a little overnight bag. He called a cab somewhere in between the shoes and the bag and got a text when it arrived outside. Carefully, he maneuvered himself around and went downstairs, opening the open cab door and slipping inside. He leaned back against the seat, giving the address, and then finally allowed himself to feel like a complete and total asshole. He dabbed at his eyes with a tissue for most of the ride, torturing himself with feeling like he'd done something horribly wrong despite the fact that he really hadn't thought he was. When they arrived, he gave the cabbie the money he owed, moving out of the cab and heading up to the apartment. He paused at the door, wiping his eyes again and putting his hand on the door, wondering if he was making a huge mistake right then. He sighed, opening the door and slipping inside. He left his shoes by the door and slowly made his way off toward the bedroom. Quietly, he put his bag in the corner and hobbled over to the bed.

The apartment was dark and quiet, only the light above the sink on, leaving a little haze through the space, showing it to be much more cluttered than usual. As predicted, Kaoru was already asleep, lying face-down on the bed, naked except for the sheet thrown over his hips. His phone was clutched in his hand, open to an unsent text message to Die that he'd apparently fallen asleep trying to respond with. Die surveyed his lover, wiping at his eyes with the tissue again before he gently moved the covers, slipping into the bed and then gently extracting the cell phone from Kaoru's hand. He glanced over the message before quietly shutting the phone and settling it aside on the dresser.

Kaoru shifted a little, rolling onto his side facing Die, rubbing at his eyes. "Mmmm," was about all he could get out, rubbing a hand over Die's back.

He sighed softly, staring down at his lover before he scooted down to actually lay next to him, curling into his embrace. He tucked his face against Kaoru's neck, inhaling that scent that was the love of his life. After a few minutes though, he started to really cry, unable to stop the huge tears from tracking down his cheeks and pooling on Kaoru.

Kaoru's body went tense and he actually hit Die lightly on the back. "Goddammit, don't you fucking cry, I'll cry!" His voice was already choked up and he put one hand in Die's hair, pressing against him and taking in a shaking breath. "It's hard to be mad at you when I'm drunk, tired as fuck, and you're crying."

He let out a choked sob, curling closer to Kaoru. "It was j-just porn," he whispered, hiccupping from the force of his tears.

Kaoru lay there, annoyed, just wanting to go to sleep, but still rather pissed off about the whole situation. "No, it wasn't. If it was just some random guy's dick off the internet to be cute because we haven't had sex in almost a month, then it's just porn. But it was Kyo, who you've already fucked, and you _know_ kind of makes me uncomfortable already. I was okay with you being friends with him, but I'm definitely _not_ okay that he sent you his fucking cock." He tried to calm down, glad he was exhausted enough that his usually explosive anger wasn't boiling so rapidly. "Think about it if it were me, if some male friend of mine that you knew I'd had sex with before sent me a picture of his dick. ...And did you send him that picture you sent me? ...You know what, never mind. I don't even want to know."

Die laid there in Kaoru's arms, feeling like he should pull away. But it would send the wrong message, he was sure. He shifted around a little, wiping at his eyes, though it was a fruitless effort. Finally, he whispered, "Don't blame him, Kaoru. It's not his fault. I just..." he shook his head. "To me, it's the same. I didn't go fly to Japan and fuck him. Just because we slept together - with you there - doesn't mean that I'm going to go do it again without you! I'm not like that!" He moved then, struggling to sit upright. The way he turned tore at one of the stitches, pulling it open and he felt the warmth of blood start to trickle out. But it didn't matter. Not right then. And it was too far down under the covers for Kaoru to notice immediately either.

Kaoru laid flat on his back, rubbing his temples. "I'm not... I'm not saying you'd fuck him again behind my back. I'm just saying that it was pushing the boundaries a little, and it was inappropriate." He wiped at his tired eyes, already irritated from the makeup and having to glue his lids to make them larger for Yuuko. "I'm just... I'm fucking tired right now and I really don't want to deal with this. All I wanted was to come home and get some sleep with you beside me."

Die stared down at his lap, knowing he had to be honest. But he just wasn't sure if he should be right then or not. Or would he think he was trying to hide it if he didn't say it right then?

Swallowing thickly, he wiped at his eyes again, before he whispered, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never do that intentionally. Please know that." He shifted again, his face a mask of both physical and mental pain as he slipped his hand down to touch where he was bleeding. The hand came away sticky and Die bit his lip, pushing out of bed and limping off toward the bathroom.

Kaoru flailed around in the bed, feeling his anger start to really peak, making him twitchy. "Fuck! Die, I _know_ that! And I'm not hurt so much as it just makes me feel like _shit_ , on top of _already_ feeling like shit, and not being able to be there for you, or fucking see you at all, or---where the fuck are you going?" He growled, getting out of bed and following Die. As soon as he saw the blood he made an awkward sound and turned around, covering his mouth, feeling faint. "Oh my god... oooh shit. Are... are you okay?" He was shaking all over, scared for Die, and incredibly squeamish of the blood, being pulled in all kinds of directions emotionally just then.

He winced when Kaoru wanted to know where the fuck he was going. He started to answer, but then his lover obviously saw the blood, the look on his face making that clear. "I'll be fine... I deserve it," he murmured, tears still glistening in his eyes. Arriving at the bathroom, he moved his pants down, letting them pool around his ankles while he grabbed toilet paper and cleaned up his thigh and abdomen. He mopped more up and then tossed the tissue into the toilet. He sniffed a little and then wet some more tissue, cleaning the wound that way. He pressed the tissue there until he could fumble around in the cabinets and find some gauze to slap over it and then the medical grade tape. With that done, he cleaned everything else up and flushed the toilet. Washing his hands, he frowned deeply as he stared down at the sink.

Kaoru slammed his palm against the wall, standing in the hallway between his bedroom and bathroom. "What is up with you and that word?! Deserve... you don't _deserve_ to bleed all over the place because you _fucked up_ and crossed a line with Kyo. You talk about how you don't _deserve_ me. It's bullshit, Die!" He panted heavily, pressing his forehead against the cool surface of the wall, tears streaming down his face. He hated this, hating not being able to control himself. He was angry, and exhausted, but also concerned for Die, and concerned that this incident might get out of hand and tear them apart. He breathed, squeezing his jaw and eyes shut until he felt like he wasn't about to trash his own apartment in rage. "I love you. And I hate that I haven't been able to spend time with you and help you out the past few weeks. I miss you all the time, and I'm already insecure that I'm not what you need, that I'm not _enough_. I'm trying... so fucking hard, to let this go, to let it just be a mistake, but you've seen a little bit of what I'm like when I'm mad. I don't want to get like that towards you. I'd lose you, I know it."

Die managed to get his pants back on, feeling a hell of a lot safer behind them. He wasn't even sure how he actually kept his gaze on the other man, not at all, but he did. Swallowing, he shifted slightly, his hands on the counter. Every once in a while his tears plopped on the surface. He was silent for a long time before he started talking, his voice but a whisper, "You're not the one who was always told that you deserve everything... that when your brother started drugs and you were found holding the fucking needle, that you deserved the beating for it. That when you got a B rather than an A, you deserved the grounding you got for it. That when you told them you were a man trapped in a woman's body they told you that they hated you and that you deserved to be tossed out on your ass!" By the time he got to the end, his voice was raised, though he wasn't really yelling. His gaze lifted from where it'd fallen to stare down at the sink. "I can't change the past and I can't change when I automatically think I deserve things. I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, he leaned back against the wall. "I love you, too... and I didn't want to cause this. I just... " he shook his head and wrapped an arm around his waist. "I never thought you weren't enough, Kaoru. I talked to Kyo because I didn't want to disturb you. I know you're busy and stressed out and I just... I don't know! I'm a fucking idiot, okay?!" By then he was sobbing again, his legs slowly giving out while he started to slide down the wall.

Kaoru pressed himself against the wall, listening to Die, letting his words calm him, his love for the other overpowering the buzzing sensation of fury. He yanked his robe off the hook on the bathroom door and threw it on, kneeling down next to Die and stroking his hair, hands shaking, holding his face and kissing him, slow, lips tight from trying not to cry anymore. "Please come to bed. I don't want to talk about this anymore. All I want is to sleep with you next to me. Please, just come to bed."

Die stared up at him, his lower lip trembling with his emotions. The kiss didn't really calm anything, but it gave him a little bit of help in the ‘Kaoru wasn't going to leave him right then for fucking up’ area. He sniffed, rubbing a hand over his nose and just nodded.

Kaoru sighed, grabbing Die by the elbows and pulling him to his feet, taking his hand and pulling him back into the bedroom, dropping his robe and crawling under the sheets. He hugged his pillow, which had no case, but rather, one of Die's t-shirts that he'd left there after sleeping over one night a few months back. The smell was fading, but it comforted Kaoru when Die wasn't around.

Die allowed himself to be moved up to his feet and taken back to the bedroom. He kept his mouth shut, just getting in bed after checking to make sure he hadn't actually bled all over the sheets. After he slid in, he scooted close to Kaoru, hoping it would be alright.

Kaoru curled close to Die, sliding his arms around him, nuzzling his cheek against the other's hair. After a while of just lying there, breathing in the scent of Die's shampoo and cigarettes, he was blissfully asleep, still holding his lover tight.

Die, on the other hand couldn't sleep at all. Instead, he lay awake all night, thinking of all the worst case scenarios that could crop up in the morning.

**To Be Continued…**


	27. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan

When Kaoru's alarm went off the next morning, he slept through it for a good ten minutes, hearing it, but not wanting to open his eyes or get out of bed. He still felt like his bones were made of iron and his head was pounding, not to mention the events of last night came flooding back and he just wasn't ready to deal with those. Instead, he buried his face into the pillow and whined, "Don't wannaaaa."

Die lay there when the alarm started going on, just staring at it, not wanting to fuck something else up. So he didn't touch it. When Kaoru said he didn't wanna, Die just remained silent, biting his lip a little.

Finally rolling over and turning the alarm off, Kaoru dragged himself out of bed, stumbling naked toward the bathroom, cursing as he bumped into walls and door jambs. He left the bathroom door open, not wanting to send any signals that were too cold to Die. He was still angry and still stewing over how to really process the entire thing, but he wasn't going to shut his lover out. Turning on the shower, he hopped in and let the water heat up against his skin, the cold shocking him awake. He had to spend the day finishing a blog for the magazine website, editing his column for the next issues, and printing out and framing some photos he had taken of a bride just a few days before for table settings for her wedding on Saturday. Thankfully, he didn't actually have to shoot the wedding itself.

Die watched Kaoru get up and go to shower, staring after him with a sad look on his face. Heart heavy, he pushed himself up. His head swam and he felt like he was going to pass out, but he forced himself up anyway, going to his bag and digging out his pills for the pain and for the infection. He hobbled to the kitchen, taking the pills with some water and then came back, having to pause to hold the wall a few times. Not sleeping wasn't good for fighting things off or healing.

Sitting down on the bed, he started to change into his normal clothing. He called for a cab very quietly, asking for it in half an hour. He sat there in his street clothes, looking incredibly pale and tired. He didn't want to just run off from Kaoru, but he wasn't about to get in the damn way, either.

Kaoru got out of the shower, brushing his teeth and shaving and then bitching about having to pluck his eyebrows rather loudly, but doing it anyway, finally coming back into the bedroom for clothes, his eyes still sleepy and half-lidded. When he saw Die sitting there, obviously ready to go, he stopped, frowning. "Are you leaving? I thought... never mind." Pursing his lips he went to his dresser and started pulling out some comfortable clothes; at least he could work at home today, aside from delivering the photos. He sat on the bed and pulled on his shirt, his back turned to Die. "...I could at least take you home..."

Die sat there, wavering slightly while he sat on the edge of the bed. He looked up at him when he asked if he was leaving. The second part was what gave him pause. He blinked at him, taking a minute to process it and respond. "Don't want to be in the way," he murmured, "I know you're busy." His eyes dropped back down to his lap where he was playing with his phone with trembling hands.

Taking a calming breath, Kaoru turned, one leg up on the bed. "Yeah, I am busy. I've got to get some stuff done today and maybe, at some point, go to the grocery store and clean, but most of the stuff I can get done at home." He crawled across the bed and hugged Die around the shoulders. "I've missed just having you around, baby... I feel all... out of balance without you."

Die frowned down at his phone, feeling it vibrate to let him know the cab was there. He flipped it open and replied that it was no longer needed. He closed it and set it aside, head still drooping. "I love you," was his only response, not knowing what else to say.

"I know you do." He kissed Die's ear and pushed back, climbing off the bed and looking around with a sigh. "Um... I think I'm gonna clean first, before I pull my hair out. And make some coffee." He gave a little nod and started picking up all his clothes off the floor, mostly Yuuko's things that he'd just thrown off in an exhausted huff the night before, putting some things away and then loading up a laundry basket before moving into the living room to start straightening things up in there after setting a pot of coffee to start brewing, adding some hot chocolate mix and chicory to the grounds.

Die sniffed a bit and nodded, watching Kaoru leave the room after a while. He sat there, still feeling woozy and wondering when and if the pills were going to kick in. His stomach kind of ached and it gurgled angrily at him. But his eyelids just drooped. Moving wasn't helping.

The mess wasn't too terrible and within about twenty minutes, Kaoru was done, other than needing to do laundry. He came back into the bedroom and kissed Die's head. "I've got coffee made, if you think that will help. You look like you're about to drop, pumpkin." He grabbed the basket of clothes and took it out onto the balcony, where his washer and dryer were in a small utility closet, getting the load going.

Die looked up when Kaoru spoke to him and he nodded a little, then mumbled softly, "Didn't sleep."

Kaoru frowned, returning after he'd started the laundry with a cup of coffee that had a splash of vanilla creamer in it and a spoon full of raw sugar, handing it to Die. "Here, babe." He set it on the bedside table before going to pour himself a cup and come to stand in the doorway. "I need my morning nic fix. Wanna come smoke with me?"

Die stared up at him for a long moment before he accepted the cup of coffee and tried sipping on it a bit. When Kaoru came back, asking if he wanted to go smoke with him, he just got up, wavering for a second, and then started forward.

Kaoru slipped his hand to the small of Die's back, his concern and guilt for not being able to take care of Die since they'd returned home outweighing the lingering anger. They'd deal with that later. Now wasn't the time. Stepping out onto the porch, he sat down heavily on the rocking bench, lighting a cigarette and taking an appreciative drag, letting his head sag against the back of the seat and pushing so that it swayed lightly forward and back.

Die moved with him, carefully sitting once they were outside. He winced, feeling how full his bladder still was and how disgusting his freshly opened wound now felt since it was all gross now. He just sat there next to Kaoru, not having had a smoke in a few days since he'd run out and it was too much of a pain to go out and get some. Actually, he really needed to go get groceries. He was out of everything except some bread and tea. It wasn't any wonder he was doing so poorly after just one night of not sleeping.

Kaoru handed Die another cigarette and a lighter. They weren't menthols, but his lover kind of looked like he needed one just then. Leaning his head on Die's shoulder, he reached down and rubbed his knee. "Are you gonna be okay with the... the stitches and stuff? Do you think I should take you in to get it looked at?"

Die accepted the cigarette and then lit it, passing the lighter back. He nodded just a little. "It'll be fine... just feels disgusting."

He nodded, rubbing at Die's knee and keeping his head on his shoulder while he quietly smoked his cigarette down to the filter and then picked up his cup of coffee, just enjoying Die's company, his presence. After a moment, he took a soft breath in. "I've really missed you..." 

Die smoked his all the way down as well, tossing the butt in the ashtray before he picked his cup back up and took a sip. He glanced over at him. "I've missed you, too." Suddenly, he remembered the email he'd sent last night and his head jerked up. "Um... Kaoru? Can I check your email to uh... remove some of my idiocy?"

Kaoru almost laughed. "Oh, for the love of god..." He got up and went into the living room, pulling up his laptop and opening his email, not checking any subject lines or anything, just leaving the page up and then going into the kitchen to start making a grocery list.

Die padded in after him, staring at Kaoru's inbox and then reaching out and opening the ones he'd sent, deleting them and then emptying Kaoru's recycle bin. He sighed, minimizing the window without touching anything else and then headed after him into the kitchen.

Kaoru was nosing around in his cabinets and fridge, writing things down on a piece of paper, not even realizing he was switching back and forth between Japanese and English. Some things would just always stick in his mind in his mother language, and others, for whatever reason, just ended up as their kana equivalent. "I'm not really ready to work yet... do you mind coming to the grocery store with me, or do you want to stay here and maybe try and get some sleep?" He turned around and rubbed a hand down Die's arm, looking up at him.

Die blinked blearily at him and then finally sighed softly. "I'm sorry, baby... I think I need to try to nap. I feel like I'm going to faint." He frowned deeply down at his coffee cup, feeling like a total nuisance.

Giving him a little frown, he nodded, heading into the bedroom to grab his keys and wallet. "Okay. Do you want me to get you anything? Maybe we can make dinner here after I drop off some photos for a wedding."

Die looked up at him and then shook his head a little. "No, thank you. I'm fine." He wasn't, but that wasn't going to stop him from saying he was. He ran his hands over the cup again and then tried to smile at him a little.

"Okay..." Kaoru ruffled his lover's hair and leaned down to kiss his mouth shortly before leaving. 

Die immediately went off to go pee and then lay down, frowning to himself. He almost texted Kyo to tell him Kaoru was mad. But he didn't, not wanting to drag the other into the middle again. This was all Die's fault, not Kyo's and he wouldn't stick him there. Instead, he curled up on the bed, completely naked with only the sheet over him. It took him about fifteen minutes before he pretty much passed out rather than fell asleep.

Kaoru strolled around the super market, letting his mind wander, trying to decompress while he was away from Die, not to mention give him some actual time to sleep, so that when he got back maybe it would feel a little more easy between them. He considered sending something bitchy to Kyo, but decided against it.

After about an hour at the grocer, he took the long way home, wondering if he should jog or not. Really, he was physically exhausted, and was already getting rather thin from the stress, but he hated not running. As he was walking up the stairs, arms loaded with grocery bags, his neighbor came down beside him, mumbling something that could have easily been an array of slurs. They hated each other, intensely, but typically avoided the issue and each other. In fact, their casually exchanged insults were almost an inside joke at that point, even though there was certainly no friendliness behind them. Kaoru muttered, "Kyke," (he had no idea if his neighbor was Jewish, though he did have a beard; he just cycled through insults for different white subgroups) and opened the door to his apartment, putting all the bags on the counter in the kitchen and starting to put everything away.

Creeping in quietly, Kaoru checked on Die, leaning down to kiss his shoulder and stroke his hair softly before going to settle down on the couch and try to knock out some work, tackling his blog first, since that was easiest. He liked blogging to an extent; it helped him decompress, but at the same time, the readership was a bit too open and he hated walking around town and having people recognize him every once in a while and feel like they had the right to start up a conversation with him just because they read what he put on the internet. Carefully leaving any real-world indicators out, he typed out a concise little rant on stress and relationships, how work can interfere with bonding and the tiniest things get blown out of proportion when the people involved are already not on their best game, and things that might be an issue even on best of terms can create serious damages. He wondered aloud if it was easier living with someone when one had little time on their hands, if coming home to their significant other made the stress easier to manage, or if little relationship irritations got singled out and it became more annoying with the person around all the time.

He concluded that he didn't really know and he guessed really it all came down to the will-power of the couple what could be worked out and what couldn't. Sighing, he read through twice to edit and then posted it to the magazine website before getting up and making himself another cup of coffee and drinking it with a cigarette on the porch after switching his clothes into the dryer. He really didn't want to start on the wedding photos just yet.

Die's body slipped from passed out to actually sleeping at some point, a brief moment of him waking up in between. Once he fell into sleep, he started in with the dreams that seemed to morph into nightmares, making him squirm around on the bed, whimpering, his face scrunched into a mask of emotional turmoil.

Seeing as it was only noon, Kaoru decided to push off the bride photos project for a while, slipping back into the bedroom and curling up behind Die to take a short nap with him, but when he slid onto the bed and put his arm around his lover, he felt how tense he was, shifting to look at him and seeing his face expressing serious distress. Frowning, he shook his shoulder lightly. "Die... Die? Baby, wake up."

At the touch, Die jerked awake, gasping harshly. He stared at Kaoru for a long moment before stuffing his face against the pillow he'd been using, fingers fisted in the material of the bed sheet.

Kaoru rubbed his back, pouting and nuzzling his nose against Die's shoulder. "You alright, baby? You looked like you were having a nightmare."

Die whimpered softly and shook his head, biting his lip. After a minute he peered at Kaoru and then kind of deflated. He closed his eyes, trying not to cry again. "Dreamed you... you told me to get out of your life," he choked out.

Listening to the words and seeing that Die was still shaken by the dream, Kaoru's heart clenched. He carefully put his arms around Die and pressed his face against his neck, sighing. "Baby... you _are_ my life."

Die shivered a little, but moved into the touch. He closed his eyes and nodded a little. He bit down hard on his lip, trying not to say anything else.

Kaoru curled up against Die's back, lacing his fingers with the other's and hugging him. "It's okay, pumpkin. I'm not kicking you out." The very thought made the pit of his stomach feel like a black hole, a dizzying void. The incident had angered him, and had shaken his confidence pretty hard, he was still trying not to get mad over it, but the thought of not having Die was too painful to even consider.

Die hiccupped a little and then sniffed. He wanted to say that maybe Kaoru should, that maybe Die didn't deserve such a wonderful man. But he didn't feel like having the whole 'deserve' argument again. Instead, he just gritted his teeth against opening his mouth and tried not to cry like a fucking girl.

With no words that seemed to fit, Kaoru just laid against Die's back in silence, cuddling him, trying to tell him with his body and his closeness that he loved him, despite the doubt and anger over the entire Kyo situation, the extent of which he didn't really understand, nor did he think he wanted to.

After several long minutes, he sat up, brushing away Die's tears and kissing him. "I have to start working, I need to finish these up and print them by five. If you want to go back to sleep, that's fine, if not, you can come keep me company and help me make fun of the bride." He offered Die a smile, trying to coax one out of his lover. It had been a month since he'd seen that beautiful grin.

Die swallowed, nodding a little at him. But he just curled up on his side, tucked his head against the pillow again. He knew he needed more sleep, even though he didn't think that was going to help his mind. "Still need to try to sleep," he murmured softly, feeling ashamed.

Leaving him be, Kaoru set into the living room and propped his feet up on the coffee table, hooking his tablet up to his laptop and going through the photos of the bride and groom he'd taken at the botanical garden downtown, photoshopping a few things to make the shots look cleaner and the color and lighting match up as a series. The more he went through the photos, the harder it became to determine which ones to print. There were a few the couple had seen on his camera that he knew they wanted, but they had paid for thirty prints; he was conflicted on whether or not it was hard to pick because some of them were good, or hard to pick because most of them were sappy and terrible. Kaoru hated doing wedding photos.

Finally, time constraints made him pick out the thirty and he hooked the laptop up to his Canon printer, making a large 18x12 inch print of what the couple had chosen as their favorite, four 8x11 prints of the others they'd picked, and the rest in 4x6. Sneaking into the bedroom, he got the frame he'd bought for the large print and the matting for it and his large paper cutter, trying not to wake Die with all the rustling around.

After cropping the photos down, he put all but the largest print in an envelope and then matted and framed the large piece, fussing over it for a while before it looked right, signing and dating it with pencil in the bottom corner of the matting. Sneaking back into his room, he put on some socks and a nicer shirt and wrote Die a little note, letting him know he'd gone to deliver the photos and would make dinner when he got back, leaving the note on the other pillow so Die wouldn't miss it, and slipping out of the house.

Die woke up sometime after Kaoru had left. But sleep hadn’t been the relief he’d been looking for, not in the least. He’d cried himself to sleep and then he’d been left with a raw, aching feeling inside and a major headache that persisted even into dreamland. Somehow the silence in the apartment felt almost eerie and it freaked him out a little. But he found the note and just sat there with it for a long time before finally getting up and - praying Kaoru wouldn't mind - used his shower. He knew it wasn't quite time to be able to do it, but he didn't really care. Sponge baths were starting to make him feel like a crusty, disgusting lump and he wanted to be honestly clean for once.

Kaoru took longer than he'd hoped; the bridesmaids were all there and wanted to talk his ear off. By the time he got home, it was dark and he was starving. Going immediately to the kitchen, he made a folded-over peanut butter sandwich and then started looking through the kitchen to try and decide what to do for dinner while he munched on it, deciding to make manicotti. Going through the apartment, he called out for Die, "Hey baby, you okay with Italian tonight?"

Die finished up showering, even blow drying his hair and using Kaoru's comb to try to spike it up without product. He needed to get it dyed again, the roots showing about half an inch and he made a face at it.

After the shower, he settled down with his laptop on the couch in the living room, going through all of his folders and starting to delete anything that was even remotely porn related. He even deleted some nude artwork that wasn't even out of the classification of art. The only thing he hesitated on at all was Kyo's video and the shots of Kaoru he'd taken on his cell a while back.

Sighing, he created a new email address that he was bound to forget the password to within five minutes, emailed them to himself there and then deleted them all from his hard drive. When Kaoru came home, he was on the last batch of deletions; an entire pay-site worth of gay Asian porn. He'd paid for the month membership and then downloaded things like crazy, canceling right after.

He looked up at Kaoru, nodding. "Yeah, that's fine," he murmured, glad that he was completely dressed and it was obvious that he wasn't actually looking at what he was deleting. That was the last thing he needed right then.

With a nod, Kaoru started boiling noodles and cutting up basil, mixing it with ricotta cheese and some vegetable protein ground beef - he was particular about actual beef - and starting on making garlic bread. "How's your tummy?" he called into the living room.

Die continued staring at the screen as the little progress bar traveled along with the deletion process. Some part of him thought about giving Kaoru this since he'd actually paid for it. But he decided against it, knowing that would start a conversation that he didn't want to hold.

"Eh... it's fine," he replied, starting to feel like a broken record. Everything was fine... except... it wasn't.

Kaoru wiped off his hands and went into the living room, sliding up to the back of the couch and slipping his hands down the front of Die's shirt, rubbing at his chest, purring a little. "Mm... are you de-porning your computer?" He watched some of the file names go by as they were deleted. He couldn't help but laugh. "Baby... I don't care if you look at porn, I care if you look at porn made specifically for you to see by people you've already had sex with." He gave a bitchy fake smile and then regretted it, kissing the top of his head. "If you try and deny yourself porn and end up a horny mess, it is not my fault."

Die gasped when he felt those hands on him. That meant Kaoru could see his laptop screen. He bit his lip, ducking his head and flushing. "Yeah," he murmured, not seeing the point in lying about it. Again, he felt that intense self-hatred well up inside him when Kaoru brought it up again. He wasn't about to live all of this down and he just wanted to do all he could to make things okay again. If that meant he turned into someone who had to glue his hands to his head in order to not touch himself, then so be it.

He stared down at the little blue bar, willing it to go faster. 87%... 88%... it was taking too long... 89%. If only it had been faster, then he wouldn't be having this conversation. Then again, if he hadn't had any of it in the first place, then none of this would have happened because he wouldn't like porn and wouldn't have texted Kyo last night.

Kaoru didn't really know what to say. He felt so torn between feeling like he had no obligations to try and convince Die it was okay or anything of that nature, and part of him knew his lover was sensitive and took things to the extreme. But he wasn't at fault in this situation. If Die wanted to make himself miserable, fine.

Standing up and going back into the kitchen, Kaoru hardly paid attention to what he was doing, stuffing the manicotti absent-mindedly while he felt like shit that he was still feeling so cold around Die, but he just couldn't help it. The whole thing just made him uncomfortable and pissed off and it wasn't something he was going to get over easily.

Die winced a little when Kaoru left. He knew he really had fucked up, but he didn't know what to do about it. He was putting what little of a plan he had into action. Tonight, when he got home, he'd find all of his sex toys and throw them all in a box, tape it up and put it in the closet with DO NOT TOUCH written all over it. The same would happen with all of his DVDs and magazines... if not the garbage can getting fed with those instead. He even intended to put his packer in there because it was something from a shop like that and he didn't want to give the wrong impression that he still had it.

The whole thought process left him feeling cold and empty, knowing that he was taking away an entire portion of his own life. For a while now sex had been the center of his universe and it felt like he was cutting his core out and sticking it in the recycle bin with his collection of dirty pictures and videos. Quietly, he opened his browser and went to two sites he was subscribed to, canceling his accounts and then starting to delete all the links to random videos and pictures. Each time he came to a site he was a member of, he would go and request his account be deleted before deleting the link.

After pouring the grated provolone and red-wine marinara over the pasta, Kaoru tossed it in the oven along the bread and went to plop down on the couch beside Die, arms crossed over his chest tightly. He didn't really know how to have this conversation, he felt like Die should be the one trying to reach out and mend things between them, but he was getting really annoyed with how extreme Die went into, "I need to do things to punish myself," mode. He jerked his chin up at the screen. "Why are you doing that?"   
Die felt odd with Kaoru sitting there beside him while he did this. It had been his dirty secret that he'd had all these sites in the first place and it felt like it should still be a dirty secret that he was deleting them. But Kaoru was obviously looking, that much being made obvious when he asked why he was doing it. He reached up and ran a hand through his hair before finally shrugging. "I'm over-sexed. If I cut it all out, then I'll stop being that way." After a moment of hesitation, he tacked on, "And if I didn't like porn in the first place, I wouldn't have fucked up."

Kaoru just blinked at him for a while, running his tongue over his top teeth and sighing. "Baby, I know you're not dumb, but sometimes you make me wonder." Leaning forward he put his chin on Die's shoulder, talking softly in his hear. "Do you ever think about the fact that you're on hormones that are linked with aggression and libido enhancers? And you just had your major source of estrogen, which balanced those out, removed?" He leaned back again, feeling a little hopeless. "If you really think this will help, fine. I think you're just going to end up making yourself completely fucking miserable. And if you think I don't want to have sex with you because I'm, god forbid, fucking romantic, that's not what I mean, but you bet your ass, medically advised or not, you aren't getting a thing from me for a while. I'm not afraid to suffer for a little booty lock-down. You know what, Die, I'm mad, but I'm really more mad that you've decided to dig yourself a pity hole instead of kiss my ass and tell me you're sorry so we can get over this. So my sweet ass is off limits, completely, until you stop moping and man up."

He huffed a little, then turned pale. "I-I didn't mean it like that." His eyes immediately turned down to stare at his own lap and he just sat there squeezing his arms across his chest for a while.

Die listened to him, his fingers still working on doing what he was to his browser. He only had a few more to go since most of it had actually been just deleting folders of links to random places he didn't have accounts. "I know... it's just... I need to learn how to deal with it, no matter how difficult it is." He felt like he was driving everyone nuts and he was more than determined to make himself the only one who was feeling any issues from this. If he was miserable, that was fine... just so long as Kaoru wasn't.

Die paled when Kaoru spoke about being 'fucking romantic'. He was misunderstanding. That wasn't why he was doing this. He was trying to make up for what he'd done wrong, not anything else. Though... he supposed it would make the romance thing easier if he forbade himself a lot of his sex drive. But when Kaoru told him he wasn't going to give him any even when the doctor told him it was okay, he actually felt a little sick. He closed his eyes and tried to sort through it. He deserved that, too. Messing around with texting Kyo was wrong and this was his deserved punishment. No sex from Kaoru, no looking at sex, no talking about sex, and no masturbating. He'd probably explode, but that was his own fucking problem now, wasn't it?

Die put his laptop to doing a disk defrag and put it down, his head swimming. For a long moment, he just sat there and then quietly, he replied, "I am sorry and I've said I was. I'm doing everything I can to make it better and if you don't see it that way, then I'm sorry for that, too. I know I can't undo the past because a time machine hasn't been invented yet." The last part was probably more smart-ass than intended, but it came out anyway. "If you can't understand that I didn't do it to hurt you and that I didn't happen to see it the way you obviously do, then I'm sorry. But all I fucking _can_ do is be sorry. I can't change it. I can't take it back. And I am well aware that I have fucked up in a major way. If I didn't think I had, then I would be sitting here like nothing was fucking wrong."

He stood up and tried to shrug, though the fact that every movement was jerky from trying not to break down and cry wasn't helping anything. For a moment, he leaned down and actually got in Kaoru's face. "And you know what? You can't take back the fact that you just said what you did, either. And maybe you aren't sorry. But if you are, then think about how it feels to have done something you can't just make poof out of existence and then realize that's where I'm sitting at." He then turned and headed down the hall and into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it, letting the tears go.

Kaoru backed up when Die got in his face, plastering himself against the back of the couch, honestly scared that usually gentle Die had turned so mean, but as he listened to his lover's words, he supposed he deserved it. When the bathroom door slammed, Kaoru flinched, pulling his legs up to his chest and burying his face in them, sobbing loudly. He felt like the rift was just getting bigger and bigger and no matter what they said it was like they couldn't stop wanting to fight each other just then.

He cried himself out for a while, grabbing a throw pillow and screaming into it, trying to let the tension out, and then stumbled to the porch, smoking with shaking hands and texting Sita. _First real fight with Die... my chest hurts, I'm so scared of losing him._

_wut did u do?!_

He laughed bitterly at the response. _I'll call you later with details... I just needed a little support._

_Love you, sweetheart._

Die slid down the door, his hands buried in his hair. He sat that way for the longest time before finally crying himself out. His head thumped against the door while he pulled out his phone, flipping it open and deleting everything from it that Kyo had sent him; even the innocuous ones. Gritting his teeth hard, he texted Kyo. _I fucked up. I'm sorry if you get dragged into it. I hope you don't. I can't talk for a while... maybe months. I guess... maybe... maybe I shouldn't have friends because I'm a total social retard._ He stared at the text and then sighed, deleting it. It would maybe be better to just cut off contact without explanation, without dragging Kyo into it.

Carefully, he went in to his contacts and started a deleting spree. All he had left was his parents, the doctor's numbers, Kaoru's number, and his brother's. He even deleted food places numbers in case he'd never been to some of them with Kaoru and it looked somehow suspicious or something. Then all of his texts got deleted and his call history cleared. He even deleted Kyo's number, though it pained him to do so.

Once he was done, he tossed the phone on the floor, staring at the now mostly useless piece of junk. Swallowing, he tried to get up, using the doorknob and the counter to stand. Once he had, he washed his face up and then stared down at his phone. "Useless hunk of shit," he muttered at it.

Kaoru chain-smoked, crying off and on, before remembering there was food in the oven and cursed, sprinting back in. Thankfully, there was still a minute or two left on the timer and he sagged against the counter, instead, turning the oven off and taking the bread out, leaving the manicotti in. Feeling more scared than he'd been in a long time, he walked quietly over to the bathroom door, knocking gently. "Daisuke?"

Die jumped a little when the knock came on the bathroom door, followed by Kaoru's voice. He had still been glaring at the phone, which did not seem to care he was glaring at it and just sat there on the tile like it wasn't the useless device that it was.

Turning his head, he stared at the door and then sighed, picking up his phone and then opening the door. He immediately pushed his phone into Kaoru's hand. "Look in the contacts," was his only explanation before he moved past Kaoru and toward the living room. He went to the couch and stared at his laptop, which was not getting through the defrag fast enough for his liking. He just wanted to get it done before he threw the thing across the room for existing in the first place. 

Kaoru stuttered and looked at the phone, not knowing what else to do but open it and look through the contacts, cut down to a sparse collection of people and businesses. He followed into the living room, flipping the phone closed again, the heavy feeling at the bottom of his stomach pulling again, making the tears start once more. "I don't want to do this to you," he managed to get out. "I don't want you to feel like you can't have other people in your life. You shouldn't be with someone like that." He tossed the phone onto the couch and gripped the back of it, feeling a little woozy. After a moment, all he could think to say was, "Dinner's ready..."

Die looked at the phone when it fell on the couch and he shrugged a little. "Honestly, it's not like I'm not used to it already. Kyo was the first person I could really call a friend in a long time." He wanted to say it was no great loss, but it was and he knew better than to lie. Instead, he tried to make it seem like he just didn't mind.

He swallowed a bit, not really hungry anymore. He just felt empty, like a boiling pit had been created in his stomach. But he knew he could pretend to eat at least and he assumed that was what Kaoru wanted. So without protest, he got up and went to the kitchen, sitting down. Normally, he would have tried to help and ended up getting in the way. But today, he just waited, not wanting to create another issue he couldn't take back.

Kaoru made plates with trembling hands, pretending like he wasn't crying. This felt so crazy, they were avoiding how much they were both hurting, even though it was so clear. He took out the pitcher of rose and green tea he'd made earlier and poured them both glasses, setting them on the table before putting down the plates of stuffed noodles and garlic bread, sitting across the Die and crossing his legs, sniffing and trying to pull himself together so they could at least have a normal meal like a normal fucking couple, and hoped, desperately, it wouldn't be the last time.

Die accepted the plate and glass with a quiet, "Thank you." After, he picked up his fork and stabbed one of the noodles. He couldn't help that his body had a reaction to it that was something along the lines of, 'feed me, you fucking idiot', causing him to almost drool. After brief hesitation, he shoved it into his mouth and chewed, swallowing.

It felt uncomfortable, like they didn't really want to be close like this and that made him feel even more upset than he already was. It took him a good five minutes before he finally mumbled, "Did they like the photos?" He could at least try... right?

Kaoru shrugged, trying to just make himself eat, even though his appetite was completely gone. He'd already lost weight from the stress of the past few weeks and it was making Yuuko look like a crack-whore. "My ears are still ringing from the bridesmaids squealing over them, so yeah, I guess that means they liked them."

He nibbled around the edge of a piece of bread, staring at his plate. "I hate doing wedding photos and shit like that... it makes me feel like I've stuck myself in a rut where I'll never be able to pull myself back out and be a real artist."

Die tried to offer a little smile at the bridesmaids comment, but then Kaoru said he hated doing them and Die promptly took the smile away, feeling like he'd broached a bad subject. He poked at the bread with his fork. "Some people find it to be an honor to be considered for wedding photography... so I don't think it's really a rut." Not that his opinion on it really mattered all that much.

Another shrug. "I know... but honestly, it all just gets annoying fast, especially when I'm doing it for these rich white couples that ask me to give it an "exotic feel", like I have some kind of rice-patty mysticism that will make their already expensive daddy's-money marriage looks even more expensive and ethereal." He laughed a little at his own cynicism. "That and the fact that I'm chronicling an event for them that I might never get the opportunity to really have."

Die snorted at the rice-paddy mysticism comment, finally starting to chew some of the bread off. But the last part was like a slap in the face and he winced, staring down at his plate. He wanted to reassure Kaoru that if he wanted to have a ceremony then he wouldn't care. But the thing was... he wasn't even sure where they stood after his idiocy, so he just kept his mouth shut, feeling really like he was sitting in the wrong damn place right then. He sighed softly and pushed another noodle into his mouth, kind of wishing he could just go invisible right then.

Kaoru saw the reaction and flinched, continuing, "I mean, like legally and all that shit..." He ate a little more and then got up, rinsing his plate and putting the rest of the food in the fridge for later, looking at the door for a moment after he closed it. There were pictures of he and Die stuck with magnet to it, and a note Die had left him just saying "I love you", and little magnets and photos from places they'd been together, like the swamps, and even a little magnet just recently from LA. Die was too much a part of his life to let go over something like this.

Sitting back down, he sipped at his drink and waited for Die to finish, drawing in the condensation on his glass.

Die finally nodded a bit, trying to relax, though he felt the furthest thing from relaxed at the moment. With a little sigh, he finished off his meal and picked up his dishes, going to rinse them himself in the sink. He ended up standing there, fully washing them instead, just to have something to do.

Kaoru sighed, watching Die wash them and then stood up and went to stand beside him, gently bumping him with his hip and taking over, putting them in the dish washer and closing it. "Sit down, I want to show you something."

Die blinked a little when the dishes disappeared from his hands. He sighed softly, but allowed it, just going to sit down in his chair again, playing with the ring his glass had left on the table.

Kaoru bent down and pulled Die's chair to face him, stroking Die's cheek with his thumb for a second. "When I had Zarina draw up my tattoo, I had her work something into it. I... I don't know if you've seen it and just haven't said anything, or maybe you haven't even noticed it, but..."

He pushed his jeans down to the bottom of his newest tattoo and pointed to one of the leaves framing the small bouquet of three white calla lilies. A darker green etched veins across them, and in the bottom of one leaf something looked a little less natural. One vein looped up into a heart and under it, another formed a character: 大

Kaoru didn't really know what he was trying to prove or tell Die, pointing this out, but he felt like the other needed to know that what they had together was something he took very seriously, that he played for keeps.

Die could feel his own body tense when Kaoru touched him. It was as if he were expecting to be slapped around rather than gently touched. He listened though, his eyes shimmering with sadness. But he looked, studying what he hadn't seen in it before, not having had the time to really learn it yet the way he had most all of the rest of Kaoru's tattoos. He bit his lip a little, feeling like he wanted to cry again. A tiny sob escaped him because he wasn't sure what to think. Was he being shown this as a way of showing him that he'd wrecked Kaoru's body with this now that they were on the outs or was he being shown it as a way to show he was loved and that this wouldn't tear them apart?

Kaoru's lip quivered at the sob, feeling awkward. "Please don't cry." He sank down on his knees and wrapped his arms around Die's waist, hugging onto him. "Die, I love you. It would take a lot, and I mean _a lot_ to change that."

The moment that Kaoru put his arms around him, Die latched on as well, whimpering softly as the tears spilled over anyway. "I love you, too!" he almost wailed.

Kaoru squeezed him, crying into the crook of his neck, just holding him. "I don't want to change you, I don't want to alienate you. I just want to be with you and know you're mine." He wrapped his fingers in his lover's hair, tugging gently, trying to pet the strands, but his hands were shaking badly.

Die sniffled for a while, not knowing what to say to Kaoru, really, to make things right. He bit his lip, shaking a little in his lover's arms. "I-I am," he finally whispered.

Staying buried in Die's throat until he felt like he could hold himself together, Kaoru calmed his breathing and finally pulled away, wiping his eyes. "I've still got a few things I need to finish. Do you want to just come sit with me?"

Die let Kaoru go, though it was reluctant on his part. He wiped at his eyes a little and then sniffed slightly, nodding. Just so long as Kaoru wasn't kicking him out.

Nodding, Kaoru poured himself another glass of tea, mixing it half-and-half with white wine, and went into the living room, sitting cross-legged on the couch with his computer in his lap, editing through his column for the upcoming issue of Morbid Black Light, some piece of crap he'd managed to pull out of his ass about the pros and cons of being a subculture within a subculture and the acceptance of certain factions of BDSM and Goth aesthetic in the gay scene, especially leather clubs. He read through it twice, making little changes, and completely redid the last paragraph before doing a quick mock-up of the page, with the photo he'd taken years back on Vampire Night in a gay bar in Boy's Town. He was glad he kept all of his old photos, even the shitty ones. The shot had come out blurry and over-contrasted then, but as a stock photo for the column, it worked perfectly.

It took a long time, but Die’s computer finally made the little breaking glass noise to let him know his program had finished defragmenting. He moved to it, closing the program and then shutting down his computer. He closed it, unplugged it, and put it back into his bag. Getting up, he took it to the entryway, putting it down there before he went to the bathroom and used it as quietly as possible. Once he was done, he went to the bedroom and got his pills, shaking out one of each and going to the kitchen to take them.   
Once Kaoru was done, or as close to done as he was going to get outside of the office, he closed his computer and then went into his little supply closet across from the bedroom door, digging out a piece of linen stretched onto a frame and some fabric dyes, going into the kitchen and putting down newspapers on the table. "I keep forgetting my parents' anniversary is this Sunday... and then Sita's wedding is next Saturday. Fuck. Too much stuff." He laid the linen out, a photo printed on it of a city view, and then got out a few plastic cups to start mixing the dyes in. "This was taken from the first apartment my parents lived in together. I went back the last time I was in Japan, I figured it would be a nice gift, right?" He tilted his head, looking at it. He was slowly hand-coloring the black and white piece, about half-way done.

Die peered at him when he came in, swallowing the pills with some water before glancing at what his lover was working on. He peered closer and then nodded. "It seems like one to me," he murmured softly. Part of him really hoped that Kaoru hadn't noticed he had taken two pills rather than one... and that one of them had been bright pink.

He gave a little nod, getting a brush and starting to work on the sky, the effect much like watercolor, painting the underside of the clouds gold and the sky itself a crisp azure. Eyes focused on his work, he raised his brows towards Die, instead. "How are you healing?" His mother had actually recovered rather quickly from her own surgery, but after the bleeding last night, he was concerned Die's was taking its sweet time.

Die bit his lip, staring at the floor for a long moment... long enough to be telling in and of itself. He sighed softly. "I got an infection," he finally admitted.

Kaoru stopped, putting the brush into the cup with clean water, going over to Die and wiping his hands off on a dish towel. "Baby! Why didn't you tell me? Are you alright, is it going away?"

He kept his head bowed, shrugging a little. "Didn't want to worry you... I'll be fine. Just taking antibiotics."

Kaoru frowned and cupped Die's face, getting up on his tip-toes to kiss his forehead. "I worry about you anyway, silly. I mean, is it getting better? I wanted you to come with me to my parents' place this weekend, Dad's been asking about you, but I don't want you to feel obligated to come if you're not really well enough to."

He nodded. "It was just really gross for a few days and I know how you are about things being gross." He shrugged a bit. "So I figured I'd spare you the disgusting." He worried his bottom lip for a minute and then murmured softly, "You still want me to come... even with... this?" He looked really lost just then, like a child without their mother at the store.

Kaoru blinked for a second. "What, you mean the fight? Baby, we're not going to get better if we decide to just avoid each other. Besides, I haven't really spent time with you in almost a month, and you haven't met the rest of my family yet. My sister and my mom are about to rip my heart out if I don't bring you soon, they're starting to wonder if you're real." He laughed a little. " _If_ you think you can be okay with that. And if you want to come up with some other surgery that seems fairly uninteresting... I'm still not ready to tell my parents about... ya know. I just don't know if it would go over well and I'm still not really sure it's even any of their business."

Die just studied him for a few moments and then nodded. "I'd like to go as long as you still want me to." He shifted a little and shrugged. "I'll just tell them it was a personal surgery."

Kaoru frowned, petting Die's cheek. "Yes, I still want you to. I want my parents, and you, to know that you're part of my life." He smiled a little and then wagged his finger. "And please god, don't say that, my mother will latch onto it and try to suck the information out of you like a leech. You had an appendectomy. That's pretty common, right?"

Die made a little face and then nodded. Okay, he could do that. "I um... need to pack then," he murmured, scratching his head awkwardly.

Kaoru shrugged, going back to his painting. "We'd just be going up for the day, and it's not until Sunday, so..." He finished the sky and started in on painting red rooftops. Again with his eyes on the work and his brows gesturing towards Die he asked, "Come give me a kiss?"

Die hesitated for a moment and then came over, trying to figure out what he'd do if he wasn't afraid of doing something wrong. He moved to put his arm around Kaoru's waist and then pressed a kiss to his cheek, afraid to interrupt what he was doing too much.

Kaoru pouted cutely, looking up at Die and touching his lips. "Aaaw, a real one!"

Die blushed a little, feeling kind of odd. But he leaned forward and gently pecked Kaoru's lips with his own.

Kaoru was leaning into the kiss when Die pulled away again, pouting again. He sighed and put his brush down, turning in the chair. "Come on... if you only had one kiss to tell me how much you loved me... I want that."

Die gave him a look that clearly implied he had just been afraid of what was going on. He sighed softly and then pushed Kaoru's chair back, settling astride his lap and then gently sealing their lips together. He tried very hard to ensure that he didn't inject any of his lust into the kiss, squashing any feeling of sexuality into dust.

Kaoru gasped softly at Die straddling him, arms coming up instinctively to wrap around his lover's neck, hugging onto his and kissing him back, giving a little whimper. There wasn't any fiery drive of sex behind it, something he could tell minutely was forced on Die's part, but it was still Die's kiss. He pushed against him a little, sliding his tongue just along his lover's lower lip.

Die whimpered softly when Kaoru did. He replied to the lick with one of his own, slowly pushing his tongue into Kaoru's mouth, unsure if this was okay in a kiss that wasn't supposed to hold anything sexual.

Kaoru's hands wound in Die's hair and he sucked at his lover's strawberry tongue a little, slower and less explicitly than he did when he was about to go down on him, more just a suckling taste of the other before releasing the other's tongue, giving back the brief control he'd taken in the kiss.

Die made a tiny sound, the way Kaoru was sucking on his tongue not conducive to him not thinking about sex. He managed to gently end the kiss and pull back, biting his own lip a little while he studied him.

Kaoru hummed, smiling up at him, one hand cupping his lover's cheek. "Thank you."

He nodded a little and then gave him a brief peck on his cheek before getting up from his lap. He sniffed slightly and then gestured toward the table. "I interrupted you."

Kaoru chuckled a little, picking his brush back up and mixing a color. "I didn't mind." He went back to work and finished up enough that he thought he could complete it before Sunday and then dumped all the cups and rinsed the brushes, leaving the linen on the table for a while to dry, calling over the sound of the sink while he washed his hands, "Hey baby, are you staying again tonight?"

Die watched for a while and then shrugged a little. "Do you want me to? I mean... I would like to go back briefly to go and get a few more of my pills and stuff."

Kaoru turned around and nodded. "I really do. I miss you. It hasn't been the same without you around. I mean, tomorrow, all I really have to do is go up to the office to submit my column, and then I have to go work at Derrick's that night," he rolled his eyes, "but, that's not a lot, and you've been working from home anyway, right?" He looked at Die almost pleadingly, feeling as though if they didn't spend time together while they could, the time apart would cause the tension to grow until it was irreparable.

Die gnawed on his lip a little and then nodded. "Then I'll go home for a few minutes and pick up some stuff, including my work information and then come back. Okay?"

Giving a nod, Kaoru went to grab his keys. "I'll take you. No sense in you paying for a cab." He slipped his shoes on and waited for Die by the door.

Die nodded a little and went to put on his flip-flops as well as grabbing his bag. He came back to the door and stood there, waiting on Kaoru.

Kaoru left the apartment and locked it after Die, taking his arm at the stairs. "Maybe we can go by a Sonic and get ice cream or something on the way back. I've got a sweet tooth."

Die actually seemed to perk up a little at that and then nodded. "Okay, that would be nice, too." He sniffed a little, following along beside the other.

Kaoru unlocked his car with the remote, opening the door for Die. "I'm getting way too skinny, anyway. Yuuko looks like she's started shooting up." He smirked a little and closed the door once Die was in the car, going around and getting in and pulling out of the space. "I'm going to be so glad to get out of this place," he mused, a little casual complaint to let Die know that yes, he still wanted them to move in together.

Die got into the car and settled into the seat, yawning a little and rubbing his stomach slightly. "You and me both," he murmured. He smiled a little and fiddled with his bag.

Letting the CD he'd had in earlier play, Kaoru hummed along, the sunroof open; it was just close enough to summer for that smell to be in the air, the nostalgic heaviness that felt so good, especially on clear nights like this. He'd met Die in the summer, and now that air would always remind him of their first kiss.

Die didn't say anything else for the ride over, just closing his eyes while they drove. Part of him was still kind of exhausted.

Pulling up in front of Die's apartment, Kaoru patted his knee. "Do you want me to come up, or just wait for you here?"

He deliberated for a minute. "I'll be a few minutes, but I'll try to be fast." With that, he got out and padded off toward the entrance.

Kaoru waited in the car, calling Sita while he waited to let her know things had cooled down from earlier and a brief story of what had happened. She had railed that she would have left Die out on his ass, but Kaoru reminded her she wasn't with Die, he was, and he loved him. Lighting a cigarette, he calmed her fieriness down (he often wondered just how accurate her name was) and let her know he was okay, hanging up with a promise to see her for lunch the following Monday.

Die made his way upstairs and into his apartment. He moved around his apartment, getting his bag packed first with all that he needed and then finding a box and starting to dump everything into it that he wouldn't be needing for a while: all of his toys, his magazines and his videos, and then at the very last, his packer, though he placed it on top, giving it a terribly sad look before he closed up the box and taped it shut. He wrote DO NOT OPEN on the top in red Sharpie before pushing it into the corner of the closet and leaving it there, heading back out to get his bag and go down to the car again.

Kaoru gave him a smile when he got back in the car, squeezing his knee and then driving over to the nearest Sonic and parking, looking over the menu. "I'm not sure what I want... suggestions?" He found Die's hand and slipped his own into it.

Die sat kind of absently until he was asked about the menu. He murmured, "I want a strawberry slush... and tots."

Kaoru squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb over Die's index finger. "Ooooh, I forgot they have cheddar peppers.” He looked at the menu a little longer and then leaned out the window, hitting the button and ordered a strawberry slush, a large order of tots, cheddar peppers, and a peanut butter sundae with extra cherries, having to repeat his order about three times thanks to a combination of the loud stereo in the car next to them, his accent, and the girl working seemed rather new. He mouthed, "goddammit!" to Die as he had to over-enunciate the order a third time, making his accent seem even more pronounced, but she read it back correct, finally. 

Taking out a twenty from the pocket of his jeans, he tossed it up on the dashboard to have ready and pulled Die's hand to his mouth, kissing his knuckles. After a moment, he muttered very quietly, "I want you to still be friends with Kyo."

Die watched him, giving the speaker an arched eyebrow kind of look and shaking his head. He licked his lips a bit and then watched when Kaoru got hold of his hand and gently kissed his knuckles. He frowned a little when he told him he wanted him to be friend with Kyo. Shaking his head, he murmured, "I don't want to fuck things up again. You can be his friend. He'll... I think he'll just know what's going on and understand it's nothing personal to him."

Kaoru sighed. "If you stay friends with him, and you end up cheating on me? It wasn't meant to be between us, anyway. The point is, I get worried about you. I want you to have people you feel like you can confide in. It does kind of worry me that he would do that, knowing you're with me, but he's young and this relationship isn't his responsibility."

Die worried his lower lip for a long moment and then sighed. "It's not his fault, Kaoru... I did it. I know he played a part in it, but I don't think he looked at it any differently than I did." He fidgeted with the bag in his lap, heart racing in his chest.

"Would you stop beating yourself up?" Kaoru frowned and leaned against the console, resting his forehead against Die's shoulder. "Obviously, nothing like that can happen again. No dicks of anyone you know. Except me. You can look at my dick." He smiling a little, nuzzling Die. "What I'm trying to say is, I forgive you."

Die nodded a little, biting his lip. Maybe if he just agreed to it all and then didn't tell Kaoru that he wasn't going to contact Kyo again that it would make him feel satisfied that he was being 'agreeable'. "Thank you," he murmured, still staring down at his bag in his lap.

Kaoru frowned. He figured Die might have perked up a little bit at that. He didn't push it, though, just checked it off as another failure in his attempts to get through to Die, letting their linked hands sag on the console between them and leaning back in his seat, putting one foot up on the dashboard, not sure what to say.

Die stared over at him, squeezing his hand lightly. "I love you," he murmured softly.

Kaoru offered him a little smile. "I know, baby." He leaned across the car and kissed Die's cheek. "I love you, too." As he sat back in his own seat, the carhop came up, unsteady on her skates, handing him the slush and then his sundae, and then the bag of food. She gave him change from the twenty and he tipped her before she left again. He put the slush and sundae in the cup holders and dug out Die's tater tots, handing them to him along with some packets of ketchup.

Die accepted his tots and started to snack on them, putting a little ketchup on each one before popping it into his mouth. He finally offered one to Kaoru. "Want?"

"Mm!" Kaoru nodded and leaned over, nipping the end of Die's fingers playfully as he took the tot into his mouth, scooping up some ice cream and offering it to Die with an inquisitive hum around his chewing.

Die leaned over to take some of the ice cream and then settled back, finishing up his tots and then started in on his slush, enjoying the real strawberries in it. "So... Sunday, right?"

Kaoru nodded, eating some more of his ice cream and pulling out a stuffed jalapeño. "Yeah, probably leave here around... eleven? It's about an hour and a half drive up. Back sometime late in the evening. And then next Saturday at three is Sita's wedding. I've got to do the rehearsal dinner and all that, but you don't have to if you don't want to."

Die blinked a little and then nodded. "Did you actually want me to go to her wedding? Or rather... does she want me there?" You didn't just go crashing a bitch's wedding and intend to be looked at kindly.

Kaoru pouted at him. "Of course! She knew I was bringing you as my date; you were at her engagement party. Just because we had a little fight doesn't mean all our plans need to be put on hold. She's my best friend and I want you there with me." He offered Die one of his stuffed peppers. "Besides, Indian food is amazing. There won’t be any booze, her family is all Hindu, but Sita always has weed. I promise, bhangra and getting high is the most giddy combination ever."

He nodded slightly and then then shook his head at the offer of the pepper. He didn't like jalapeños. He laughed softly. "Okay, that should be interesting... and uh... what's bhangra?"

Kaoru got some ideas going in his head, munching on his food and eating the rest of his ice cream. "It's a traditional dance style from the Punjab region, where her mom's from. Her dad is from the south of India, which is why she's so dark, but uh, she denies it. There's some odd complex about fairness being beautiful in India..." He shrugged, rolling his eyes. He didn't get it, but he knew even trying to compliment Sita on her lovely, rich skin would be taken in the wrong way. Moving on from it, he looked at Die mischievously. "We need a good bonding moment, like, a nice laugh... which means either go home and watch Little Britain, or... I get you high."

Die bit his lip a little and blushed. "Um... well..." he scratched his head a little. "I'm not going to work for another week, so if you were gonna ever do it, now would be the time."

Kaoru looked perhaps too pleased at the response, finishing up his ice cream and the last pepper and putting the trash in the little basket at the menu board, waiting for Die to finish his tots and slush. "Some people don't really feel anything the first time, so it might end up being rather uneventful, and others get hit really hard. We'll take it slow so you don't do too much and have a bad trip. It's rare with weed, but possible, especially since you're already on pain killers."

Die nodded at that and just continued to hold onto his slush, not able to get done with it that fast since it was a large. "Well, I guess we'll find out then, won't we?"

With a nod, Kaoru took the empty tots container and added it to the trash, cranking the engine and letting Die nurse his slush, driving back towards the house. His hand slipped down and stroked Die's thigh a little, feeling like the tension was lifting a little.

At the touch, Die gasped softly, turning a little red around the edges. Sometimes he wished he had his long hair to hide it all again.

Kaoru just smirked, pretending to have missed the reaction. When they pulled up back at his apartment complex, he jogged around the car to open Die's door.

Die just sat there, waiting until Kaoru got out of the car and he took off his seat belt and gathered his bag up. He got out when Kaoru opened his door and slowly moved toward the building.

Kaoru unlocked the door and let them in, going to clear off the coffee table so that nothing would get knocked over and then put the painting/photo away, tossing the newspapers. Coming back into the living room, he put his hands on his hips. "Okay, so, it's best if you go ahead and get in whatever you want to sleep in, because there's a chance you won’t really want to do anything but snooze after this. And being comfortable is important, if you aren't, every little _un_ comfortable thing will scream at you, so, I'm gonna go put on some PJs." He headed into the bedroom and stripped down, finding his silk violet pajama bottoms and pulling them on, then locating on his old beloved, worn three-quarter baseball shirts. It had been one of Seung's, which kind of sucked, but it was still one of the most comfortable shirts he owned. Once he was comfy, he dug around in a drawer, finding one of his glass bowls, a simple black one that was fairly deep with green blown glass woven around the pipe, and his little canister of pot, taking both to the living room and starting to pull apart a sticky bed while he waited on Die.

Die nodded at him, leaving his shoes by the door and then going to the bedroom, quietly taking off his clothing and pulling out a pair of light cotton pants that had little red guitars and a red tank top with a huge screen print of a sparkly silver guitar. He moved around the room and then went and settled on the edge of the bed. "Where are we staying? In bed or in the living room?" Though maybe the living room was better.

Kaoru gestured out into the hall, grabbing some incense to mask the smell, not like his complex wasn't 90% potheads, anyway. "Living room; it feels safer for some reason, and it's easier to get outside from some fresh air if you need it." He leaned down and kissed the corner of Die's mouth, rubbing his knee. "Your PJs are adorable. You ready?"

Die nodded a little, getting up and going toward the living room. He settled down on the sofa and smiled up at him. "Thanks... and yeah."

Kaoru nodded, picking up the bowl and holding it with his thumb over the carb. "Okay. If you start to feel sick or like you need to stop or anything like that, tell me and we'll get you outside with some water, pronto, alright?" He flicked the lighter and leaned to give Die a kiss. "I'll give a shotgun first, for whatever reason, it's easier not to cough that way. Any questions?" He'd guided a few people through their first drug experience, so this was old hat by now, but far more exciting to be doing it with Die.

Die sat there, feeling rather dumb while he looked at the glass. At least he knew what that was. But that was only because he'd been on vacation once in a touristy area and had seen all the 'blown glass' and wanted to know what it was for and been screamed at by his mother for looking at drug paraphernalia. He made a little face at Kaoru. "Yeah... what's a shotgun? Besides a gun...."

Kaoru packed the broken up bud down into the bowl with the butt of the lighter, flicking it impatiently again, making the flame burst into life for a moment. "Basically, I take a hit and blow it into your mouth." He smirked. "It's kinda sexy, too." He raised the pipe to his lips, pressing them against the cool end of the glass, flicking the lighter and touching the flame to the bud just long enough that it started to smolder and then letting the flame die and taking his thumb off the carb, letting air flood the bowl, the little orange glow brightening. He sucked slowly until the embers died down and his lungs were nearly full, putting the hand cradling the glass in his lap and holding his breath for a moment, looking at Die and holding up a finger, sucking in a little more air and then leaning over and pressing his lips to Die's, blowing out in a slow stream against his mouth.

Die arched an eyebrow at him, already able to smell the faint stink of skunk in the room. He'd never understood how people thought they could get away with smoking pot and not get caught with that smell lingering. But he supposed that wasn't really his problem right then. He watched Kaoru with a fascinated look, waiting on the other to move to kiss him. He figured he was supposed to inhale with Kaoru exhaling, so he did. It wasn't anything more than like smoking a cigarette... except that it was coming from Kaoru's lungs into his own. It felt sexy, that much he was right about. Once Kaoru pulled back, Die held it in for a moment and then exhaled, the smell still disgusting.

Kaoru pulled away and smiled at Die, watching to make sure he didn't make any faces or start coughing a lung up. Getting up, he set the bowl down on the table and started move around. "One second." He lit some of the incense and went into the kitchen to get a cold bottle of water, returning and setting it on the table, dimming down all the lights and putting on a CD softly in the background before sitting down again. "Do you want me to just keep shotgunning it to you or do you wanna take a hit?"

Die sniffed a bit and then watched Kaoru move around the apartment. He wasn't quite sure why Kaoru was doing all that he was, but he wasn't about to protest it either. He deliberated and then murmured, "Um..." it'd be sexier if Kaoru kept shotgunning it to him, so he figured he'd go with that, "shotgun it to me." He put on a cute smile.

Kaoru nodded. Really, it was harder to get high off a shotgun, it was more a novelty trick that loosened first-timers up, but he went along with it for now, taking another hit, the ritualistic way he went through the process almost like the way he'd memorize how to please a lover. Not holding the smoke as long, he took Die's chin gently and blew another slow stream into his mouth, leaning back and taking another short hit for himself off the bit that was still burning.

Die took it in and held it for a minute before blowing it out though his nose. He sniffed a bit after and swallowed. He reached for the water, hoping that was what it was for, picking it up and taking a swig from it. So far he only felt the little effect of the Vicodin in his system, but nothing else. But then again, he wasn't sure how to actually tell what it was supposed to do to him.

Kaoru kissed him, smiling. "It takes a while to kick in, maybe ten, fifteen minutes. Here." He maneuvered up behind Die, already feeling the little muscles under his eyes tighten up in that pleasantly giddy marker of knowing he was starting to feel it. He held the bowl in front of Die's mouth and the lighter over it. "I'll hold it and everything, you just suck. You've got to kind of breathe in at the same time, too, and go slow, or you'll cough, and then you're fucked, K?"

Die nodded a little, letting Kaoru tell him what to do. He put his lips over the little glass stem and waited on Kaoru to light it. When he did, he pulled in air through his nose and his mouth at the same time, hoping that was what he meant.

Kaoru lit the pot and waited until it started to burn, then let his thumb off of the hole at the back of the bowl, cuddling against Die's back and watching to make sure he wasn't about to start coughing everywhere, pulling the bowl away when the glow faded. "Hold it as long as you can."

Die waited, holding it in and then finally letting it out with a little hack. Okay... so maybe he'd held that a little longer than he should have.

Kaoru rubbed his back, giving him the bottle of water again, sitting and hitting the bowl, watching Die out of the corner of his eye. After he let the smoke out, he turned to him. "The more you cough, the higher you'll get. But, I don't know if coughing is really the greatest idea for you right now, with the stitches and everything." He kissed Die's head and lit the bowl once more, leaning into him with a questioning look to see if he wanted another shotgun.

Die took in all that Kaoru was telling him and then shook his head a little at the implied offer, not wanting to push it.

Kaoru was already feeling pretty good, warm tingles spreading over his body, eyelids heavy. He put the bowl down for a while and just leaned back into the couch, his hand on Die's knee. "How are you feeling, baby?" He giggled a little for no apparent reason. This was good shit... and he'd been smoking long enough to know how to get a good hit. It didn't take much for him to have a nice, steady buzz.

Die blinked at him, feeling rather lucid. "Hnn... just calm," he murmured. Not that that was a bad thing after earlier and how stressed out he'd been. When Kaoru giggled, Die couldn't help but respond with one of his own, though he didn't have a damn clue as to why. But he also didn't care why.

Kaoru nodded, smirking at him. After a moment, he picked the bowl back up, figuring if they were going to do this, they might as well do it right and get Die good and stoned. He passed the bowl to his lover and it went back and forth between them a few times before he started to feel delightfully heavy, putting the bowl down on the table again. His eyes were barely open and his mouth felt extremely dry, skin ultra-sensitive. Smoking up always made him feel extremely horny. Snuggling up against Die's side, he rubbed his arm. "How do you feel now?”

Die had started to feel like he was on a fluffy cloud by the time that Kaoru asked him how he felt. He bit on his lower lip for a long time, trying to come up with an answer that would be allowed. He could feel how damp his PJ pants had become between his legs, but he wasn't about to announce that after their fight. Instead, he made damn sure he kept his legs closed and just made a little sound that was mostly just tired sounding, his eyelids drooping.

Another little laugh left Kaoru and he moved closer, breathing into Die's ear. "Feel good? Not sick or anything?" His hands took on a mind of their own, exploring over Die's skin despite what he'd said about cutting him off, sexually. After all, he'd forgiven him, so his punishment should be dropped as well, shouldn't it? His lips found Die's jaw and he ghosted them across the defined line, every touch gentle and slow, like Die was a delicate flower that he wanted to caress and admire, not pluck. "Nn, shit, weed makes me really horny." It almost sounded like an apology.

Die nodded a little. "Not sick." He swallowed a bit and then shifted, trying to keep Kaoru's hands above his waist at all costs. Not that he thought they'd go any lower anyway, given what he'd been told earlier. But he was kind of weirded out that Kaoru wanted to touch him at all. "Really?" he asked, though it seemed more like he was kind of afraid of where that would go rather than happy.

Kaoru jerked back, blinking a little, kind of beyond being able to have smooth movements at that point. He frowned at Die, rubbing at his chest. "...You don't want me to touch you?" he asked in a sad voice, the thought that maybe Die had gotten off to Kyo because he didn't find Kaoru attractive enough flitting through his high brain.

Die stared at him in slight shock when Kaoru jerked back. And then the question... he felt like his brain was liquid mush. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? "I do... but... you..." he looked frustrated and flustered, trying to get his brain to work. "You said..." he sighed. Maybe he was taking it wrong. He closed his eyes for a long moment and then murmured, "Never mind, I'm just a dumbass." He sort of drooped even more. "I'm just taking it wrong," he murmured. He wasn't quite sure what the process of just going in for a make out and a cuddle was, but he did what he figured was what he was supposed to do and just craned his neck toward Kaoru, trying to catch his lover's lips with his own.

He felt worried... very worried that he couldn't stop himself from wanting more if all Kaoru wanted from him was a little necking and some cuddle time. But honestly, he figured if he kept his lower half to himself and kept his hands on Kaoru's upper half, then nothing bad could go wrong. Going with that theory, he put one hand on the couch arm and the other on Kaoru's bicep, just resting it there.

Kaoru pouted, not really able to get his brain into working enough to answer Die, though he thought he understood what he meant. Before he could try to give some sort of response, Die was kissing him again. He purred into it, smiling, pressing himself to Die and kissing back rather enthusiastically, his hands going around to Die's back and under his shirt, rubbing against his skin. His tongue snaked out and slid against Die's, both of their mouths dry, making it feel odd, but still incredibly good. He had to keep his eyes open; if he closed them, he started to feel like he didn't know which way was up.

Die wasn't quite sure how he felt about the whole thing. On one hand, he wanted to run away to the bathroom and take a breather; tell himself to calm the fuck down and mop up the mess that was his inner thighs right then. But on the other hand, he knew if he did that, he'd be obvious. This way... maybe he could fake Kaoru into thinking he was just fine. He tried to keep the kiss tame, but Kaoru was trying to go at it with enthusiasm and in the end, Die just surrendered to Kaoru, letting him lead.

Unable to do much but run with impulse, Kaoru swung one leg over Die's lap, sitting on his thighs, at least having enough sense not to press up against him and possibly hurt his still healing lower abdomen. In his loose silk pants it wasn't much of a secret that he was hard, his cock tenting out the material. He put his hands on either side of Die's neck, squeezing, kissing him hard, panting and making little whimpers into his mouth.

Die thought he was honestly going to pass out from the war going on in his mind. He wanted more than he knew he was allowed. And it didn't help that when Kaoru was moving, he could see that the other was hard. All he wanted to do was suck that dick. Die grappled desperately with himself, trying to figure out what to do. If Kaoru wasn't allowing him to go any further then why was he sitting in his lap? Maybe this was what torture was. His mind tried to focus on cold showers, stubbing his toe, drinking sour milk. Anything that would make him less horny.

Kaoru squirmed around, tugging at Die's hair. "Babyyyyy," he whined, pulling back and pouting. "I forgave you. Sex is on." He smirked a little. "I have an idea, anyway..." Leaning in, he rubbed himself against Die, sucking at his earlobe. "How would you like to maybe get a feel for what it's like to have a dick?"

Die squirmed and then whimpered. But three little words made him sag in relief. Even though all he wanted to do was play grab-ass with Kaoru right then, he kept his hands where they were, not wanting to look overly obvious that he was dying for more. He whimpered a little and then nodded. Yes... yes he wanted that.

Smiling triumphantly, Kaoru dove back in and kissed Die's throat, wriggling around restlessly. His dick felt like it was hyper-sensitive and every little bit of friction to it sent ripples of warm pleasure through him. After a while, he sat up and took off his shirt, then started trying to get Die out of his, leaning forward and essentially humping at Die's solar plexus through the silk pants. "I've missed you so fucking bad, baby," he cooed with a pout. "Jerking off is boring as hell after you."

He let out another pitiful sound when Kaoru started humping at him. He shivered and finally just gave up and grabbed for Kaoru's ass. Part of him was sad that they'd never used his boobs when he'd had them. But back then he hadn't thought of titty-fucking as being sexy. He squirmed again and then whispered, "So wet... want you... so bad."

Growling, Kaoru pushed down the front of his pajamas, cock leaving a little wet pre-cummy kiss against Die's stomach. "Need you, baby. Haven't felt you in almost a month." He whimpered slightly in his need, head swimming. Pressing his face into Die's hair, he clutched him close for a moment. "I wish I could fuck you. Make-up sex would be so amazing right now, but we'll make do." Pulling away, he stood up, swaying a little, and pushed his pants around his ankles, standing naked in front of Die. He smiled at Die, already laughing at the little joke in his head before it was even out of lips. "Alright, baby girl, I'm gonna show you how the boys do it."

Kaoru got down on his knees and kissed Die all over his chest, pulling off his pajama bottoms. Sinking down, he kissed over the piece of gauze taped over the incision, gently. One hand pushed between Die's thighs and just rubbed over his cunt, heel of his hand grinding into his little cock, before Kaoru got up and lay against the arm of the couch. He extended his arms out to Die. "Come here, come straddle me, facing that way." He pointed away from himself, giving his cock one loose stroke.

Die arched into the feeling of Kaoru's hand touching him down there, a sigh of pleasure leaving him. Yes... yes... this was exactly what he needed. Sure, getting off while watching Kyo had been a hell of a lot better than just getting off alone. But it was nothing in comparison to how he felt the moment Kaoru laid his hands on him.

He whimpered softly and then nodded, getting up and coming over to Kaoru, carefully moving his leg and arm to support him while he moved to lower himself on Kaoru. He had figured out what they were doing by then, a little fantasy of his own, and he slid into place, his pussy pressed against Kaoru's dick, but the other's dick wasn't inside him. Instead, he was along the outside of his slick entrance, head of his cock several inches up past Die's clit, and almost instantly Die's hand was wrapped around Kaoru's shaft. It didn't take any urging for him to do what he'd been dreaming of. His eyes watched attentively as he started to jack Kaoru off, his own hips flexing while he pretended it was his own dick he was stroking. 

Kaoru gasped, arching up into Die. Each touch was so intense, like little orgasms on his skin. His hands came up and stroked Die's back, watching the muscles flex under his perfect skin. He moaned as Die began to stroke him, tossing his head back. "Oh _shit_ , baby it feels so good!"

Die bit down on his own lip, straining against Kaoru's dick as he frantically worked it, panting and moaning, his hand every once in a while just moving up to rub his palm over the head before going back down to stroke more.

Kaoru was shaking, trembling moans and gasps leaving him. His toes were curling, feet twitching, his hands gripping onto Die's shoulders as he arched up as little as possible, trying to fight the urge and really go along with the idea that his cock was Die's, wanting his lover to get as close to reality as possible in his mind for just a while.

Die moaned rather lewdly, his pussy pressing against the top of Kaoru's dick and rubbing, his palm kind of jerking Kaoru off at the same time. He paused, shuddering and then cumming, gushing over Kaoru's dick, his hand moving faster while he cried out.

Kaoru wondered just how much of a shamanic effect weed really had; despite not being inside Die, he could feel his lover's orgasm in more ways than just the tense body over him and the hot fluid and it pulled him along with Die, making him sit up and practically scream into the other's ear, his cock spurting a generous release over Die's stomach and hand. His arms wrapped around Die's shoulders and he panted, trembling almost violently, but he certainly wasn't concerned about it. He whimpered and moaned quietly, hips still canting up in tiny jerks into Die's hand.

Die shivered when Kaoru cried out that way. It made him feel amazing inside. He helped Kaoru ride it out, stroking him dry and then reaching down to let his hand rest on his balls, biting his lip.

Kaoru sagged sideways into the back of the couch, his shivering slowly coming to a stop. "So?" he asked, rubbing his lips against Die's jugular. "How was it?"

Die let out a purr of satisfaction, allowing himself to kind of fall back against Kaoru and lay there. "Amazing," he murmured, a pleased sound in his voice.

Kaoru twisted around until he had slid out from under Die, pinning him to the back of the couch and kissing him roughly again, hungry for the taste of his mouth. "I love you," he growled between sharp nips of his teeth and stabs of his tongue into his lover's mouth. His hands rubbed his own cum over Die's skin, fingertips flickering over his nipples for a bit.

He gasped softly at Kaoru's actions, shivering a little and then biting his lip, staring up at him. "I love you, too," he murmured softly while he enjoyed the attention.

He kissed Die a little longer and then stood up, kissing the top of his head and going into the bathroom to get a washcloth, coming back and cleaning up Die and himself, then returning with a dry one and repeating the process, scrubbing a little at the dampness on his couch. He turned the bowl over and tapped it out onto the table, picking out the unburnt pot and putting it back in his stash and then sweeping off the ashes into his hand and going to wash them in the sink. He went about his little ritual of cleaning up in content quiet then came back and pulled on his pajamas, picking up the shirt, looking at it, and then taking it into the kitchen and shoving it in the trash can.

Die just made little sounds of happiness the entire time that Kaoru cleaned him up. Once Kaoru was done and went to the kitchen to wash up, Die moved around and went to the bathroom, peeing and then washing up. He came back out and put his pants back on before plopping on another part of the couch and watching Kaoru.

Walking over to the coffee table, Kaoru picked up the bottle of water and took a healthy swig. "Cigarette time, then bed?" he asked.

Die smiled at him and then nodded. "Yeah, sounds good," he murmured.

Kaoru nodded and pulled Die up, leading him out to the porch, sitting down on his little rocking bench and lighting them both a cigarette, handing Die his. He scooted close to his lover, heels tucked up on the edge of the seat, nipples hard and shivering slightly. Between the fact that his body temperature was fairly high just then and a storm was rolling in, cooling off what had been a warm night, he was a little chilly.

Die shivered slightly, yawning and accepting the cigarette. After a few drags, he murmured, "I think we both just needed to calm the fuck down and deal rather than freak out."

Kaoru blinked at him for a minute, then nodded, hugging onto his arm and laying his head on his shoulder. "I kind of couldn't help but freak out... I--" He hesitated to say such things, but pressed on, anyway. "I don't try to pretend like I'm not the most attractive person, and I know you and Kyo really clicked. And I mean it, I do want you to stay friends with him, you need other people in your life, and... I dunno. You crossed a line, but it really could have been a lot worse, and I know you didn't feel like it was at all unfaithful." He nuzzled Die a little more. "I'm just scared of losing you, and I lost my shit."

Die held Kaoru gently, nodding a little. "I mean it, Kaoru. I never would have done it if I'd known this would happen." He kissed the side of his head. "And I do think you're attractive, very much so, no matter what you think." He pecked his lips this time. "I don't want to lose you either, love."

Kaoru kissed Die back, smiling at him and then finished his cigarette. "That shirt I threw away?" he started, reaching to grind the butt in the ashtray, "That was Seung's. I've had it since he and I first got together, he left it over here the first night we fucked, and I've kept it all these years. I get attached to things, more the emotions I felt when I had them than who they belong to, you know? And I have a hard time throwing away pictures, but..." He shrugged, slipping his hand into Die's. "I finally tossed the shirt tonight. And over the next few weeks, I want to get rid of all the photos of him and me. I don't need them anymore."

Die listened to him, his head tilted a little as he smoked away at his cigarette. He smiled softly and squeezed his hand as well. He wasn't sure exactly what to say about it, but he was happy that Kaoru was moving away from the past. He breathed out his smoke and stared up at Kaoru with sparkling eyes. "I love you... so much."

Kaoru wrapped his arms fully around Die and gave him a good, firm hug, pressing his lips just under his lover's ear. After a moment, he pulled back, looking at Die seriously. "Does it bug you that I really don't say, ‘I love you, too’? You know I do, right?" He knew a lot of people thought it was rude he didn't automatically return the sentiment, but he felt it was too important a gesture to turn into a mindless call-and-response.

Die shrugged a little. "You usually just show me instead. It'd be another matter if you just walked off when I said it. But you always hug me or something, so... it's fine." It was just something he'd come to deal with while being with Kaoru and he was perfectly fine with how it was.

Smiling, Kaoru kissed his cheek. "I'm glad you understand." Standing with a stretch, he extended a hand out to Die. "Bed time! I'm exhausted, I always get the best sleep with weed."

Die got up, using Kaoru's hand, and then smiled softly, nodding. He could get behind going to bed right about then.

Going back through the house, Kaoru turned off lights and made sure the doors were locked, shuffling into the bedroom and pulling back the covers. He yawned a little and fluffed his Die-t-shirt-wearing pillow before going to brush his teeth quickly and pull his hair up. Returning, he kissed Die's nose and crawled under the covers, setting the alarm on his phone.

Die just crawled in bed, carefully adjusting himself and then closing his eyes. By the time Kaoru came back, Die was already almost asleep, the combination of the Vicoden and the pot pretty much putting him to sleep.

**To Be Continued…**


	28. Chapter 27

Dragging himself out of bed Sunday morning after a long night of performing and getting in late, Kaoru stumbled to the shower and went through his usual routine, drying his hair and picking out fairly conservative clothes; light jeans, red Converse sneakers, black button-down shirt with a grey tank top underneath. He put his wallet and other assorted necessities into his camera bag to avoid carrying two bags and grabbed the painted photo print, checking his apartment to make sure he wasn't leaving anything and then heading out the door. Once he was in the car, he texted Die.

_On my way over. Should be there in about 15_

Halfway around the world, Kyo was lying in bed, trying to get to sleep. He had a feeling Die had gotten in trouble for what at the time had seemed like innocent fun, but in retrospect was a pretty shitty thing to do as a friend, knowing Die was with someone else, especially someone else who he knew had a tendency to be jealous. Snuggling into the covers, he found the redhead's number and sent him a message. _Haven't heard from you in a few days. How are you?_

Die had gotten up rather early, doing some housework to the best of his ability now that he could bend over properly. By the time he got Kaoru's text, he was already waiting on his lover, everything ready for the trip to see Kaoru's parents, pain meds taken, and two breakfast burritos and two sodas sitting on the table in front of him for them to eat. He punched in a reply _I'm waiting. Got us breakfast._ He hoped that was okay and not a mistake. At worst, he'd leave it in the fridge.

He'd just sent the message when he got another one from a number he didn't have in his phone. But the length of the number made it clear it was Kyo. He stared down at the text, feeling dread settle in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't going to talk to him, had convinced himself that he himself was enough of an idiot that he might fuck up again.

Biting his lip, Die sighed softly and shook his head a little at himself. He couldn't just be a dick to Kyo. After all, it was all Die's own fault, not Kyo's, that anything had happened in the first place. He thumbed out a response. _He got really pissed... I fucked up. :( I didn't know what else to do except... yeah... I don't know. I'm sorry._

Kaoru's stomach growled at the word breakfast. _ilu <3_ was all he managed to type while driving, figuring that was sufficient.

When Kyo got the response, he stared at it, groaning out a string of curses and just calling Die instead, listening to the phone ring, hoping the other wouldn't ignore him.

Die smiled at Kaoru's response, putting his phone down. But just as it left his hand, it rang and he stared at it, the number being the one he had just figured out was Kyo. He bit his lip and - against better judgment - answered the phone. "Hi..." he sounded almost sad.

Kyo rolled over onto his stomach, sighing. "Hey." He took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say. "Die, I'm so sorry. I should have never egged you on like that." He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling like a shitty friend. Maybe this was why he didn't have any.

Die took to gnawing on his thumb nail, frowning to himself. "No," he murmured, staring at his feet, "it's not your fault, Kyo. I was the one who started it and I didn't think it would be cheating. I saw it as what it was... porn."

"Are... are you guys okay?" If Kaoru had left Die because of this, he was going to feel even more like a shit.

Die sighed and rubbed his hand over his thigh. "Yeah... we're fine... now. He was really mad at first. I think he's still mad, but I've done all I can to make up for it." He shrugged a little. "He says he forgives me."

Kyo let out a sarcastic chuckle before he could stop it. "Um... yeah... ‘porn.’ It's different when it's someone you know, giving you and only you a show, for free." 

Die frowned. Honestly, he knew it was different than just porn. He'd felt... special. It wasn't just anything and he supposed that was where he'd made his mistake. That was what Kaoru had latched onto and disliked so much about the whole thing.

Kyo sighed. "I can't help it, I'm a flirt, but I want you as a friend and I don't want Kaoru to feel like I'm trying to steal you away from him. He loves you and I know you love him, too. I don't... I don't want to end up being a wedge between you guys." The more he talked, the more choked up he got. Over the last month, even though they really only texted back and forth and bullshitted, he felt like he'd gotten really close to Die, like he had someone that wanted to be his friend because of his personality and not his body or his career. "I'm sorry. I guess--" He tried his best to hide the fact that he was actually crying now, hating sometimes that he really was still just a teenager at heart; getting famous at a young age had stunted a lot of his emotional growth, and sometimes he still felt like he was seventeen. "I guess I'll quit bugging you, then."

"I know you're not trying to steal me... doesn't that mean something?" It really, really should have. "Please... don't apologize," he murmured quietly, hearing the pain in Kyo's voice despite his best efforts to hide it. His lower lip trembled and he felt tears prickling behind his eyes. Swallowing thickly, he whispered, "No... please... Kyo... I..." he let out a soft sound that showed exactly how much he did care and how much he didn't want to lose Kyo as his friend. "I don't want to lose the only friend I've ever really had," he whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks.

Kyo gave a little heaving gasp, flopping back onto his back, wiping his eyes. "Okay... I won’t flirt with you anymore, alright? I mean... I think it's bad anyway, I do kind of like you, but I want you to be my friend. I'm not gonna tease you or anything from now on, even as a joke." He felt like he was having a moment from some teen girl's drama when the BFFs have a falling out and then reunite. "I'm so, so sorry!"

Die sniffed softly and wiped at his cheeks, despite the fact that there were still tears flowing down them. "O-okay," he whispered. "Please don't s-say you're sorry...." He wiped his eyes again and then leaned back on the couch, one arm around his waist. "I was an idiot to think I could throw everything away," he murmured.

Sniffing and calming down a little, Kyo rubbed his knuckles hard against one eye. "God, I hope Kaoru doesn't hate me now." 

On cue, Kaoru walked in the door, slipping off his shoes and walking over to Die, all smiles, then realizing his lover was crying. His face crumpled into a frown and he settled down beside Die, trying not interrupt his phone call which was obviously distressing him. 

"Baby... are you alright?"

Die sniffed, wiping at his eyes as well. He looked over at Kaoru, his eyes watery and his heart jumping into his throat. What if Kaoru got mad he was talking to Kyo? What if... what if he hadn't meant it that he could still be friends with him?

He let out a soft sob. "Y-you can s-see," he whispered to Kyo before holding the phone out to Kaoru, his hands trembling. He stuffed the phone into his hand and then kind of balled up against one arm of the couch, staring at Kaoru as if he was scared to death.

Kaoru was confused as all hell. Putting the phone to his ear he asked tentatively, "Hello?"

Kyo sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Aw shit... hey, Kaoru." 

Immediately, Kaoru bit his lip, getting up and tactfully going to Die's balcony, figuring it would be best if he had this conversation where Die couldn't hear. As soon as the door was shut, he sighed.

Die sat inside, finding a tissue and starting to mop up his eyes and blow his nose. Eventually, he just went to the bathroom and washed up, coming back out and sitting on the couch again. He sat there with his little mirror and eyeliner, just holding it, refusing to put it on until he was sure he wasn't going to end up crying again.

"Look, Kyo... I love Die, and I want him to have other people in his life. My insecurity is my own problem, but... don't send my boyfriend pictures of your dick, please?" He sounded annoyed, but he was giving in. He really did want other people there for Die; it made him feel better knowing someone else was looking out for him.

Kyo ground his lip between his teeth. "I know... god, I'm sorry. It... it won’t happen again. I swear." Kaoru seemed satisfied enough with that and they chitchatted idly about the photos and that Kaoru was almost finished going through them and resizing and correcting some of them and that yes, he'd still email Kyo copies. Going back inside, he handed the phone back to Die. Die took the device, unsure about the whole thing. But he put it to his ear anyway and listened to what Kyo had to say.

"Hey... I think we're good. Your boy still feels threatened by me, but... I think it's more a protective thing. You should almost feel special about it. But... I'm gonna let you go, since you guys have plans. ...Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Die bit his lip a little and nodded. "I hope so," he murmured and then, just as softly, "Yeah... you either." He sighed softly and then hung up. He stared up at Kaoru, looking sad. "I'm sorry... he contacted me." He kind of drooped, feeling terrible. He couldn't even keep that promise. At least he'd kept the other one so far and he hadn't so much as touched himself except to wash.

Kaoru shook his head, sitting down and pressing a kiss to Die's temple. "It's okay. I told you I didn't want you to stop being friends with him." He looked at the eyeliner and almost asked Die if he'd please not, he knew his mother would latch onto anything to try and find something wrong with Die, and his hair was already going to be an issue, but he'd rather deal with his mother than offend Die. Rubbing his knee, he tried to get Die to smile a little. "Breakfast?"

Die bit his lip a little and then nodded. His chest still hurt anyway, but he didn't comment on it. It wasn't Kaoru's problem if he felt that way. He reached down and got the burrito for Kaoru, handing it to him. It was full of veggies and eggs and cheese, but no meat. He hoped Kaoru didn't mind eggs, but he didn't really know. He then pushed Kaoru's soda toward him. It was root beer. He hoped that would be okay, but he was only going off of what he'd seen in Kaoru's fridge.

He put down the mirror and the eyeliner to fiddle with his phone, putting Kyo's number back in. Only he put it in as _Kyo... don't be a dumbass, Die_ for the name. He closed his phone and reached for his soda. He'd gotten orange Fanta this time and he sipped at it. He'd been hungry before, but now he felt kind of sick to his stomach.

Famished, Kaoru dug in, taking a big bite and washing it down with the soda, almost moaning. Wiping his mouth, he leaned over and kissed Die's cheek. "Mm, so good. Thank you, baby, I was starving!" He scooted a little closer, eating happily. His mother wouldn't start cooking until they all arrived, preferring to have people cycle through and help her, and he assumed she probably liked the dramatic suspense of having the house fill up with the delicious smells. It was good to go ahead and eat now, seeing as they wouldn't be having dinner until later.

Die sat there for a little while, just nursing his soda. "No problem," he murmured. Finally, he figured that he wasn't going to cry again, so he picked up his mirror and black eyeliner, planning on being very skimpy on it; almost to the point that everyone would debate if he even had any on at all.

Kaoru sucked at his straw, watching Die put it on. "I would love to do your makeup one day," he muttered. Catching himself, he blushed a little. "Uh, I mean, I would have... you know, if we'd met while you were still living as a woman."

Die peered over at him, pausing with his eyeliner on one eye done and the other not. He laughed softly. "You still can, you know." With that, he went back to putting it on, finishing up quickly and recapping the pencil.

Blinking a little, Kaoru looked at him, surprised. "R-really? I mean... I'd want to do your makeup like... girl makeup. You do have an amazing face, baby, and there _is_ technically a woman under there." He pursed his lips a little. "I dunno, sometimes I kind of hate that I didn't get to see you before... I just try to imagine you as a girl and it's so... well, Yuuko's jealous." He laughed a little bit, slightly nervous. In all truth, part of the dare to do drag that had birthed his alter ego had been in regards to a fetish of his to dress-up boyfriends. He had cute little Gothic Lolita clothes that he kept tucked away with his wardrobe for Yuuko, but that he had pulled out for a few ex-lovers and dolled them up, humiliating them completely, but his dick had been rock-hard the whole time. It was different with Die, though... it was one thing to humiliate a man by dressing him up like a cute little girl, it was another to do so to a man who had been born a woman, and was trying to hide the fact.

Again, he shrugged. "It'd be fine. I have some girly makeup still, you know." He blushed a little. But the truth was, he couldn't part with the glittery, amazing eyecolors and his red lipsticks. He even still had foundation and blush... and some nail polish. He sniffed a bit and then got up, going to put the eyeliner and mirror away. He snagged his burrito as well and put it in the fridge on his way back. He settled on the couch again and crossed his legs in that feminine manner he never realized he was doing.

Kaoru smirked, watching him go and then grabbing him at the back of his neck, kissing him with a smile on his lips. "I love my girlfriend," he teased lightly, nuzzling his nose with Die's before getting up and throwing away the wrapper to his burrito, still nursing the soda. "Ready to go, baby?"

He managed a laugh at that, shaking his head a little. When Kaoru asked if he was ready, he nodded, grabbing his bag with his meds, spare clothing if it required that, and a few other things. He shouldered the bag and glanced at Kaoru. "I'd bring my fishing pole, but I don't think I could cast right now."

Kaoru chuckled. He remembered telling Die his parents lived on a lake and that his father would probably want to fish with him, but he hadn't elaborated past that. He was sure his lover would be pretty surprised by his parent's set-up.

Stepping out into the hall and waiting for Die to lock his apartment, he then started off down to the car, getting in and opening up the windows and sunroof. It was a nice, warm day and the drive was gorgeous; it was perfect weather to take it nice and leisurely.

Die just moved along with his lover, locking the door behind them and going down to the car. He got in and settled down. "I finally went shopping this morning," he murmured.

Kaoru cranked the engine, starting off and heading towards the interstate. "Oh yeah? What, like groceries, finally?" He smiled a little and pinched Die's arm lightly. "Good, you're already my sexy little beanpole." His hand went to his lover's knee automatically. He just couldn't keep his hands off Die, feeling better to touch him in some way, to always have some little gesture to show his affection.

Die nodded and then snorted. "Yeah... groceries... and cigarettes." And beer, but that was a grocery... right?

He gave a little snort, setting the cruise control and kicking his left foot up on the dashboard, flipflop off, his bare toes wiggling out the window. "You wanna play our game?" he asked with a little smirk.

Die was mid-sip on his soda when Kaoru asked about the game. He glanced over and then nodded a little. "Sure."

Rolling up all the windows except for the sunroof so that they could hear each other, Kaoru gave a nod. "Mmkay. I always end up monopolizing the game, so, you take a couple turns."

Die laughed. "That's because I suck at thinking of questions." He stared out the window for a long moment. "If you had to sum it up in two sentences, what makes you tick?"

"Oh crap..." Kaoru bit his lip and pondered over it for a long time. "Ah, first sentence... Being an immigrant, and Japanese, and coming from such a close family has a lot bigger impact on my life than even I realize sometimes. Um..." He stuck his tongue between his lips, thinking. "And second sentence... My two ultimate goals in life are to one day support myself solely on my art, and..." he blushed slightly, "to share my life with someone I love who really loves me back."

It wasn't quite what Die'd been expecting, but he figured it was close enough. "I think you have the last bit accomplished at least." He shrugged a little and then murmured, "I know you're not a fan of chocolate, but what sweets _do_ you like?"

Kaoru blushed a bit at Die's response, rubbing his knee affectionately. He thought a bit on the next question. "Hard candies, mostly, like butterscotch and Jolly Ranchers. And Sour Straws. Also... there are these little... I don't know how to describe them, I run across them every now and again when I'm in Japan, but they're really hard to find anymore, I just remember having them as a kid. They're kind of like Swedish Fish in texture, but... taste just like blackberries."

Die tilted his head and then nodded a bit. "Good to know." He'd make sure he got some sour straws next time he was out. It had really kind of been confusing him what sweet things Kaoru liked, so that was nice.

Kaoru smiled, making a gesture with his hand. "More, more! Keep 'em comin'!" He put his hand on the back of Die's head rest, winking at him under the sunglasses he'd pulled on.

Die rolled his eyes and then tried to think of something else. "Um... your first dirty little secret. Like... from when you were a child."

"Oooh... that's a good one." He sucked at his teeth, making a high-pitched sound for a moment. "Honestly, I think it was when I first knew I was gay. I was playing with a friend at a creek that ran through the woods between our houses and I was about... twelve, I guess. And I don't remember how it started, we were playing soldiers, I think, but... he was wounded and I was patching him up and... we just kissed." He pursed his lips a little. "I was so scared, I thought everyone would know, that surely somebody had seen me and would tell my parents and they would send me away to fucking Indonesia or something to work in the sweatshops. We... we were such good friends, and after that... we never saw each other again." His fingers dropped down to rub at Die's shoulder. "I haven't thought about that in years. Come to think of it... his name was Daisuke." He laughed a little.

Die listened, frowning a little. "It's hard," he murmured, shrugging a little. After a minute, he murmured, "Your turn now."

Kaoru's hand went to cup the back of Die's neck, humming as he thought. "Alright, um... what was your first kiss like, and with who?"

Die stared down at his lap for a long few minutes before he answered. "This kid named Billy. I thought he was going to suck my face in... and about five minutes later, he tried to feel me up. I was twelve."

Kaoru found himself curious. The story could either have been a funny youthful mishap, or a potentially bad memory. "Alright, you've piqued my interest. Details; what was this kid like, how did you know him, why'd you end up kissing him?"

He made a face and sighed. "He was my friend. I guess he was attracted to me or something, but I wasn't interested. I was too young still..." he shrugged. "He kissed me to try to prove he wanted to be with me and I was just too shocked to yell at him for doing such a thing."

Kaoru pouted cutely. "Aaaaw, poor kid!" His fingers worked their way around to tug gently on one earlobe, almost having a mind of their own, nuzzling all over his lover. "Okay... first heartbreak."

He stared out the window, his lips tight. "Closest I can give you is every single time someone I was dating found out I wasn't a guy and walked out on me. No one ever let me close enough for it to be love except you."

A sad smile graced Kaoru's lips and he tugged Die over the console, kissing the side of his mouth before letting him back up again. "Other than Sara, and Sara-related things, if you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?"

Die had to laugh, he always did when Kaoru brought up the name he'd given his vagina. He shook his head a little and then sighed. "My bone structure. I feel too large."

Kaoru's brow wrinkled, confused. "You mean, like, height? Or your face? If you mean your face, baby, you've got some of the most beautiful features I've ever seen. All my friends, after they first see you, talk about, "Oh my god, he's gorgeous"." He toyed with Die's ear again, kissing at him across the car. "You're perfect."

He shook his head a little, blushing. "I'm too wide," he touched his shoulders and then around his waist, looking dismayed. "This is as small as I get, no matter what I do."

Kaoru gave Die an astonished stare, looking away from the road for a moment. "Baby, you're tiny. And you're a boy, your shoulders are supposed to be wide! In fact, you're lucky for it, it helps you pass."

He flushed a little and bit his lip, just nodding slightly. The least he could do was try to be agreeable.

One of Kaoru's eyebrows crept up his forehead. "Ass-less Wonder, are you trying to say you think you're fat?"

Die's blush got even darker and he fidgeted with his phone in his lap. "Not fat... just... big." That was a safe answer, right?

Kaoru wasn't buying it, both incredulous and a little concerned. He didn't really know what to do if Die thought he was "too big". The idea was pretty ridiculous. He stayed quiet for a while, then asked, "What do you think love means?"

He was kind of relieved when Kaoru didn't try to push it anymore, but the next question wasn't all that wonderful either. He scrunched his nose and gave it his best go. "I think love is when you're very close with someone and you're friends... and the little things let you know that you want to be near them forever."

Kaoru mulled Die's answer around in his head, giving a little nod. Falling silent for a while, he started looking at the CDs stuck in his visor holder, selecting 8otto and playing it a loud volume, hand slipping back to the back of Die's neck.

Die just settled down, taking Kaoru's silence to mean it wasn't a terrible answer, but maybe not the one he wanted to hear either. But at least it was the truth.

After a while, Kaoru got off the interstate and started driving through lush country, houses sparse and the trees thick on either side of the highway. He'd loved that at least he'd been displaced from his first home to somewhere that was beautiful. The power plant on the far side of the lake where his father worked as an architect was really the only reason people still lived out here. He thought for a moment about all the possible things his mother could pick on so that he was prepared; Die's hair, the fact that he wasn't overly masculine, the little bit of eyeliner, the fact that he was Nisei... She loved to try and point out flaws, but he figured, really, it was her way of ensuring that he or his sister loved the person enough to deal with the treatment. It was harsh, but he knew somewhere in her brain, there was good in it. He dropped his hand down to squeeze Die's fingers. "Is there anything you feel like I need to debrief you on?"

Die glanced over that Kaoru, having just pulled out and lit a menthol. He took a drag and then shrugged a little. "Names of everyone would be good."

Kaoru patted Die's hand. "Oh, I'll introduce you, don't worry." He tried to wrack his brain for little things Die could do to try and get on his mother's good side. "Bow, obviously. Use suffixes, and you might want to brown-nose a bit and call my mom Niikura-san at first until she tells you otherwise. ...Shit, I guess I really should have gotten you a little book on etiquette or something. But, I mean she's used to Nick, I just want you to have the best opportunity to have a good impression on her, you know?" He gave Die’s fingers another little squeeze. "I guess just follow my lead and discretely ask me if you feel like you're doing something wrong?" 

Die suddenly felt incredibly scared. At least he knew if things got really bad, he could just go find Kaoru's dad and try to hide with him somewhere... like the lake. He puffed away on his cigarette. "Yeah... will do." He sniffed a bit, shifting in his seat. The lack of his packer made him feel like he was out of his element, as though he shouldn't have even been outside much less on the way to see Kaoru's parents - who both believed he was truly a man. Would they notice he didn't have a bulge? Would they think he was exactly what he was? And what about if he had to pee? He didn't have his little TravelMate with him either because he'd tossed it in the box with the other stuff, too afraid to use anything that made him feel the least bit proud about something to do with his sexuality. Anxiety settled deep in his stomach, making it roll.

Following Die's lead, Kaoru lit a cigarette, flicking the ashes out the sunroof. They passed over a long bridge, a cove on one side, and a large, sparkling lake on the other, a few boats cruising around and wooded islands dotting it.

Die took to peering out the window, trying to smoke his worries away. He supposed at least there was one plus to all of this; any amount of arousal he'd been feeling was completely overshadowed by pure fear. He supposed out of the two, he'd rather be afraid than horny. Finishing his cigarette, he rolled down his window a little, crushed the butt with his fingertips and then tossed it out onto the road.

Kaoru flicked his out through the sunroof and turned off the highway, driving along a road that skirted the bank of the lake for a while before turning inland. Up ahead, a stone-housed mail box sat beside a perfectly paved driveway with stone walls flanking the entrance on either side. On top of the mailbox, two pieces of metal jutted up and from them hung a wooden sign painted black, in gold "Niikura" reading both in Roman letters and kanji. The driveway wound through green woods for a while and then led to a one-lane bridge, the surface and rails wooden, with solid concrete pilings and steel structure under it. It stretched out across the water, off a point for about two tenths of a mile, before ending at an island that was perhaps three or four acres. On it was a house and garden, maple trees shading both generously, that looked like, surely, they had wound up in Japan.

Kaoru grinned, looking over at Die, halfway across the bridge with the little _thudthudthud_ of the tires trekking slowly across the wooden planks making the car vibrate a little. "Pretty sweet, huh?"

Die stared around, his eyes wide and his mouth open a little in awe. When Kaoru had said his parents were rich, he had expected some little two bedroom beach-house type thing on the side of a lake. He hadn't expected what looked to be part of the lake that was theirs...and this... island? God, he felt like a pauper all of a sudden, wondering why he hadn't dressed to the nines this morning instead of putting on what he had: a simple button-up, short-sleeved black top with a silver cursive D on the back and a pair of black jeans that fit him maybe a little too snugly. His heart beat frantically in his chest and he finally got his mouth to shut, just nodding at Kaoru's question, unable to put voice to the rest of it.

Kaoru chuckled a little at the speechless reaction; the home had honestly been his father busting his company's balls to get him to come work in the States. It was his design, and he'd hand-picked the property while surveying the lake before the power plant was built. The bridge ended into a neatly kept gravel drive, looping around in front of the house. Off to the side were parked the Mercedes Tadashi had arrived in when he'd had lunch with Kaoru and Die months earlier, and a champagne Subaru Forester parked behind it.

Parked on the drive was a black Dodge Nitro with bumper stickers on the back for Oregon State, the plate frame declaring "Go Beavers!" Kaoru pulled up behind it and turned the car off, getting out and grabbing his bag. He looked around in the yard and listened to see if anyone was already outside yet, not seeing or hearing anything at the moment.

Die remained in his rather speechless little mouth-coma and just waited until they parked. He got out, leaving his bag in the car, just pocketing some of his meds for later and then standing there awkwardly, waiting on Kaoru to take the lead.

Kaoru walked around a put a hand on Die's hip, smiling at him to try and get him to loosen up. As he walked across the grass towards the entrance, a young woman with blue-black hair cut in a bob peaked her head around the side of the house, breaking into a smile and waving before turning back to whoever was apparently in the garden calling, "Kaoru's here!"

Kaoru grinned back, waving, walking towards her as she came around the corner of the house, followed by a tall, rather bulky-built man with sandy blonde hair and a beard over an almost awkwardly boyish face, carrying a giggling little girl. Tadashi came around the side of the house next, followed by a very petite woman with what was obviously very long hair piled up gracefully on her head, wearing comfortable slacks and a loose-fitting button-down shirt, pulling off gardening gloves. She had eyes that looked like coal, something very guarded about them, and despite her size, she carried herself with obvious authority.

The younger woman ran up to Kaoru and threw her arms around him, squeezing him and sort of fondling him. "You've gotten way too skinny, dammit." She pulled away and held him at arm’s length, looking up into his face, glaring playfully. She looked much more like her mother than Kaoru did, with dark eyes that seemed to be more grey than brown and softer features.

Kaoru rolled his eyes as the rest of the family made a sort of semi-circle in front of them, Tadashi giving a fond wave at Die, a hand coming to rest on his wife's shoulder as she seemed to inspect the redhead critically with her icy gaze. Kaoru made some sort of banter back about, "You look great, too," to his sister before stepping back, putting his hand on the small of Die's back. "Ah, everyone, this is Die. Die, this is my sister, Sachiko," she smiled a little, taking the time now to get a look at who Kaoru had brought along, "her husband Nick," the burly blond waved, looking about as lost as Die felt, "the adorable one in his arms is their daughter, Asako," Nick seemed to wither a bit to hear his daughter addressed by her middle name, instead of her first name, which had been his grandmother's, "you remember my father, of course, and my mother, Miyuki." The older woman managed a tight, polite smile, bowing a little.

Die stared at all of these new people, completely unsure what the hell to do with them all. He got introduced and quite promptly forgot almost all of their names. But he wouldn't tell them that... no, that was quite stupid if he did. Smiling as much as he could in the current state, he started with Kaoru's mother, feeling like he owed it to her to start there. He bowed deeply, "Niikura-san," he murmured, "Kon nichi wa, ikaga desu ka?" He was trying, he really was, though he was terrified he wouldn't be able to understand the response. He and Kaoru always tried to keep things simple and he doubted that Kaoru's mother would.

He moved on to his father, bowing again. "Kon nichi wa," he murmured, kind of giving him the 'oh god help me' look on the way back up. He then moved to Kaoru's sister, whose name he already didn't know and repeated the greeting, bowing. Then to his sister's husband and child, who he just stuck his hand out to, praying he was okay doing that. He just wanted to feel normal for a minute and he hoped the other would, too.

Kaoru felt terrible for Die, his nervousness incredibly obvious. He received small bows back from each of them, and a curt, "Genki desu, okagesama de," from Miyuki. Nick actually beamed when Die extended his hand, taking it in his own large one and shaking firmly. "Nice to meet you." When he released Die's hand, he picked up Asako's arm and made her wave, saying in a baby voice, "Say hi!"

There was a quiet round of laughter at that, making the little girl giggled in response. Tadashi had seen the look Die had given him and couldn't help but grin a bit, stepping away from his wife and putting a hand on Die's shoulder, leading him towards the entrance of the house while the others - all but Kaoru - went back around to the garden, explaining they would be in in a moment. "It's good to see you again, Die-san. I was starting to wonder if Kaoru was keeping you hidden away," he tossed a smirk back at his son, slipping off his shoes and toeing them to be facing towards the yard before stepping into a pair of house slippers and sliding open the front door. "If I recall correctly, you're an artist, aren't you?"

Die shook Nick's hand and then waved at the little girl. He managed a truer smile at that and then almost deflated when Tadashi put a hand on his back and led him toward the front. He paused, trying to yank off his shoes without bending down, glad he'd opted for tennis shoes and not boots. He glanced at the other pairs of slippers, wondering if there were enough for him to have some or if he was supposed to just wear his socks. He glanced at Kaoru for help on that one, responding to Kaoru's father. "Ah... we got really busy with work and then I had to have an appendectomy, so... it took a lot out of me." He shrugged a little, hoping that was a good explanation.

Kaoru tried to nod discreetly while he took off his own shoes, making sure Die's were pointed out the door and straight, more an OCD thing than anything else, sliding into some slippers, himself. Tadashi listened, clucking his tongue a bit at Die's explanation. "Well, I'm glad you're well again. Now that you're finally here, what do you think of the house?" He swept his arm around the wide common room, looking rather proud of himself. Sliding doors were opened to the raised deck area, giving a good view over the garden and back yard, down to the dock and the rest of the lake. It was both washitsu and modern, the lines clean without being sterile, feeling fresh, rather than stuffy and old. The furnishings were minimal, with two low couches and a table, a few alcoves with shelves housing assorted, bizarre looking trinkets. A modern kitchen was at the back of the room, to the right, with a traditional eating area adjacent to it, bedrooms closed off to the left, and a short hallway down to bathrooms and a guest room next to that. It was Tadashi's dream house, his own creation, and it was equal parts home and living, ever-changing art.

Die slipped on a pair of slippers, glad to find a pair that fit amongst all the small ones. He nodded a little and then looked around, feeling kind of out of place. But he didn't say that. Instead, he smiled. "It's nice," he replied, feeling kind of like he was standing somewhere in Japan rather than in the United States.

He smiled softly at Kaoru's father. "Did you design it?" He recalled having been told Tadashi was an architect at some point in the past.

Kaoru walked to stand beside Die, putting him between himself and his father. Tadashi smiled, a charming lop-sided grin that made him look much younger than he was. "I did. I dreamed about this house, literally, for years. When the company asked me to head the building of the power plant, I worked hard to arrange that we get this house."

Die smiled happily at him and then nodded. "It's gorgeous, very much so," he murmured softly.

He smiled, flattered, and led them into the kitchen, pulling open the refrigerator. "Die-san, Kaoru? Would you like a beer?" He pulled out three bottles of Sapporo, holding them up.

Die stared at the bottle of what he was currently dubbing 'liquid courage' and nodded, reaching out a hand. "Please," he murmured.

Tadashi nodded, setting the bottles down and reaching into a drawer, pulling out a bottle opener and popping the caps off all three in quick succession, handing one to Die, and then Kaoru, who had nodded, picking up the last one for himself and sort of raising it in a little toast before taking a sip. "Come, come, I'll show you my favorite part." 

Kaoru snickered quietly, loving how his father liked to show off to new company like a child with new toys or a crayon drawing, going back through the common room and out onto the deck area, which wrapped all the way around the house, the roof extending over it. It was only three feet off the ground at highest, and most of it was only a foot or so. They went around the corner, where the rest of the family was sitting in the garden on benches, waving to them, Miyuki offering her tight smile again. Tadashi sipped his beer and then slid open a door, revealing a small office that was lined entirely with book-shelves, stuffed with volumes from architectural engineering textbooks to crime novels, kitschy bookends sitting here and there, spotted with models of homes and buildings. The large desk was a jumbled mess of papers ready to shift into an avalanche at any moment, but the truly impressive thing about the room was that it had no other entrance but from the outside, and the entire ceiling of it was a skylight.

Tadashi walked over to his office chair, putting his hand on the back of it and looking at Die with an expression of "isn't it great?", though he said nothing, just smiled and took another swig from the bottle.

Die raised his as well, smiling. He padded along after Tadashi, peering into the office. He peered up at the ceiling, staring at the skylight. After a few moments, he laughed softly. "It's awesome."

Kaoru stepped in behind Die, pointing out a drawing framed on the wall of the house they stood in now. "That's from before I was even born."

Tadashi laughed. "Before you were even _thought_ about." He looked lovingly around the room, interrupted from his admiring by Miyuki, who had stepped up onto the porch and into the room, kicking her shoes off more out of habit than anything else. She stood rubbing Kaoru's arm, not having gotten the chance to properly hug him when he'd first arrived. Kaoru put his arm around her and squeezed, making a genuine smile brighten her features, warming her cold eyes. She turned her attention back to her husband, licking her thin lips a bit.

Die smiled softly at the drawing, but he kind of tensed up when Kaoru's mom came in. He felt like she kind of already had her eyes on him with that look of not-too-pleased-ness. But the action was probably only obvious to Kaoru, if anyone.

"I'm going to start cooking, will you come help?" He nodded, walking past Die and touching his arm, muttering, "If you'll excuse me". Kaoru followed them out onto the porch, sliding the door closed again behind Die. Sachiko and Nick were swinging Asako back and forth, one of them on each hand, in the yard. Kaoru took the moment alone to ask Die in a low voice, "So?" He hoped Die didn't feel too intimidated.

Die watched, nodding when Tadashi left, following him out and letting Kaoru come out last. He paused outside the door, unsure what else to do, his eyes on the lovely happy couple and their child. He glanced over at Kaoru and gave him a smile. "How am I doing?" he asked, looking kind of scared of the answer.

Kaoru shrugged, rubbing his lover's back. "Obviously shy, but that's okay. Mom's harsh, don't take it to heart too much." He walked around to where Sachiko was carrying Asako up the steps at the back of the house, reaching out for the baby. "Gimme!" he demanded, the little girl making grabby hands back at him. The young mother rolled her eyes, but forfeited the child over, Kaoru taking her and bouncing her slightly, letting out a stream of cute nonsense in squeaky Japanese, making Asako squeal with joy, one chubby little fist wrapping in his hair. He turned to Die and nuzzled his cheek against his niece's soft hair. "Isn't she the sweetest?" He was admittedly in love with the little girl, had been ever since he first held her the day she was born. He hadn't really been sure how he would react to having children around, as he'd never really known anyone with kids, but he was most definitely a proud uncle.

Die blushed a little, but nodded. He would have to work on getting less shy, but he didn't know exactly how to work with all of this. Maybe... he'd just treat it like work.

His eyes flicked to Kaoru, watching him with his niece. He kind of wondered how Kaoru had ended up gay when he was looking that incredible with a kid in his grasp. For a minute, a pang of sadness went through him, but he pushed it away, moving to stand next to them. "She is," he reached out to her, seeing if she'd latch on to him at all.

Sachi put her hands on her hips, smiling at the two of them, Nick out in the yard gathering up the trail of toys Asako had left in her wake. Kaoru turned a little more so the little girl would actually see Die, her little brain still geared to focus on whatever she was looking at and that only. When she noticed Die, her mouth hung open and she clapped, eyes wide, sort of gasping, like she'd found a new toy. She leaned out from Kaoru's chest, swiping at Die's chin, gurgling. Kaoru laughed, holding onto the squirming baby. Sachiko leaped forward out of instinct, but then backed away, seeing that her brother had it covered. Seeing Asako's fascination, most likely with the soft lips and bright red hair, she tilted her head and asked, "Would you like to hold her, Die?"

Die watched the little girl lean toward him and he blushed brightly, moving forward a little with a curious look on his face. His brother was younger than him, but not by enough for it to have left him with any impression of their childhood being different from one another. This whole little child thing was new to him and fascinating. He blinked at Asako and then murmured, 'May I?" reaching for the little girl with tentative arms.

Sachiko nodded and Kaoru stepped closer to Die, putting Asako's armpits in Die's hands and handing her over. Asako kept her hands out, grabbing at Die's face as she was brought against his chest, staring up at him with big, fascinated brown eyes, touching his hair. She was quiet, gurgling a little, laying her head against his neck and just hugging onto him. Kaoru and Sachiko cooed, amazed at how the little girl had apparently decided Die was her new favorite cuddle buddy.

Die, on the other hand, looked almost scared as he pulled the little girl into his arms and against his body. He cradled her gently, one arm under her bottom and the other resting on the small of her back. When she cuddled him, his eyes shifted up to regard Kaoru and his sister in pure awe. A moment later, he gently started to rub her back, something he remembered he'd liked as a child when his father would do it.

Kaoru beamed, rubbing a hand over her short, soft hair. Sachiko wiggled her little toes. "You'd better watch out, Die, I might make you a babysitter. She's never that calm with other people." The baby leaned back a little, looking up into Die's face, making little sounds and reaching with one finger to touch the freckle under his left eye, then clapped happily, giggling, before starting to play with the collar of Die's shirt.

Die actually smiled at that, blushing a little. "I don't think I'd object to that," he murmured, blushing even more when the kid reached to touch his little beauty mark. He watched her, dark eyes still entirely fascinated with this little creature in his arms. He was sure she could be a terror, but she was beautiful and currently very sweet.

Nick came up the stairs, looking a bit silly carrying the pink and yellow diaper bag. He blinked at Die holding his daughter. "Wow! She's not throwing a fit!"

Kaoru laughed and put his arm around Die, kissing his niece's cheek. "He's special like that." Apparently so. Asako was just fondling his collar, head laid against his shoulder, making quiet little noises to herself. Sachiko looked at the three of them, something clicking about her brother with Die, Asako between them. Some of her unmarried friends held the baby and she would feel as though it looked fake, like their relationship was only a passing thing, something to make their lives interesting, but Die and Kaoru both seemed like they'd been together for far longer than they had. After all, their relationship was only as old as the baby who was looking like she might fall asleep on Die's shoulder, and Asako hadn't even seen her first birthday.

Die continued to gently stroke Asako's back, smiling down at her little form. That momentary pang of sadness had long since faded and left him content to just hold someone else's child like this. After all, this way he could just give her back if she decided to do any of the lovely array of things that children liked to do: pee, poop, throw up, scream, or cry. But... right now... she looked just happy. He shifted closer to Kaoru and murmured, "Does this make me Uncle Dai?" He purposely pronounced it that way, even though it usually annoyed the hell out of him.

Kaoru chuckled, not really responding, but hugging Die to him a little closer. Sachiko waved a teething ring at her daughter and Asako snatched it excitedly. And then promptly threw it back onto the deck, giggling loudly, bouncing in Die's arms, looking at him and talking furiously like she was telling him the best joke ever, but she wasn't forming many words yet, most of them coming out in Japanese with a "dada"--she waved a little hand wildly towards Nick--and "wawa"--another stabbing gesture towards the lake--thrown in. Kaoru laughed at her and Sachiko moved to take her back. "I'm going to see if I can get her to eat and maybe take a nap."

Die absolutely beamed at the little girl when she started to babble at him. He pointed at himself. "Dai," he announced and then pointed at her, "Asako." Then he gently touched her on the nose and made a kissy sound before giving her back to her mother. He waved at her, his eyes bright.

Asako just laughed, waving at him over Sachiko's shoulder as she carried her inside. Nick followed and Kaoru guided Die by the small of his back into the house as well, going to the kitchen and asking if he could help. He ended up being grabbed by the wrist and given a knife, shoved in front of a cutting board with carrots. Miyuki stuck her head around the corner. "Die-san, would you come cut the onions?" Kaoru flinched a little, knowing she'd given Die that job because no one else liked to do it.

Die willingly went with Kaoru, feeling much better about himself now that the others didn't seem to mind him. Kaoru's mother was questionable, but he had kind of known that would happen anyway.

When she asked him to cut the onions, he didn't even hesitate. He came in and quickly washed up his hands, then found another chopping surface and a knife, then the onions. He grabbed a small cup and filled it halfway with water, putting it down above the cutting surface and then set to work on the onions. "Diced?" he asked as he chopped off each end and then peeled the outer layer off.

She nodded, carrying a large pot of water and potatoes over to the stove while Tadashi started mixing tempura batter. "Leave one or two as rings, the others, dice small." Kaoru looked over at Die and gave him a look, making sure he was okay. Before there was time for him to catch Die's attention, though, Miyuki was at his lover's side, taking his right wrist and looking at the tattoo on his hand, giving a little, "hmm", and then digging through a cabinet beside him. "So how old are you, Die-san? What do you do, where do you work?"

He put the first onion down and carefully began slicing it into small layers. He removed three outer rings and put them aside and was just about to start dicing when she grabbed his wrist and looked at the tattoo there. He gasped a little, unable to stop the surprised reaction. But when she let him go, he just started to dice the onions very carefully.

At the question, he glanced over at her before continuing his work. "Twenty seven," he murmured, pausing to push some onions aside and start on the next part before continuing to speak. "I work for an advertising agency in the creation department." He'd always kind of found the department's title both fitting and oddly childish, so he hoped Kaoru's mother didn't latch onto how childish it was and instead saw it for the clarity of namesake it was.

She tilted her head, pulling down a bowl from the cabinet for Die to put the onions in. "I'm sorry, I don't follow." Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek, a little pissed she was letting her Hokkaido accent run thick, intentionally trying to catch Die up, even using a little of the Northern dialect. It was like she was quietly judging him for not being Japanese enough. "What exactly do you do in the, uh," she rose her brows almost condescendingly, "creation department?"

Die had to listen to her very carefully and guess through part of what she said. Her accent and the dialect were throwing him off, but he wasn't about to let it show. Instead, he replied, "I'm an artist... for businesses." There, that should do it.

Tadashi tried to help him out, dipping shrimp into the tempura batter and then into hot oil. "Designing ads for print?" He knew that was the answer, and that his dear wife was being a hard-ass. When her back was turned, he gave Die a little gesture like, "don't mind her".

"Ah... yes," he replied, finishing up with the onions, putting them all in the little bowl with the three rings on the top. He shot Tadashi a grateful look and then went to wash the knife and the cutting surface. "May I help with anything else?" he asked, directing the question at Kaoru's mother.

Miyuki put her hands on her hips, looking around the kitchen. Kaoru put his carrots in a bowl and washing his knife, as well. Miyuki shook her head. "That's all for now, thank you." It was somehow clear she wasn't just talking about the cooking help.

Die nodded a little and then gave a short bow before moving toward the door, hoping that had been the key words for 'get out of my kitchen'.

Tadashi sort of waved. "Just make yourself comfortable on the couch, when I'm done, we'll go sit by the lake for a while." Kaoru led Die into the living room, sitting on a couch.  
"Believe it or not, she's actually being easy on you," he muttered softly, patting the cushion next to him.

Die nodded, moving out to the couch and sitting down, giving Kaoru a look and then shrugging a little. "It's not so bad," he murmured.

Kaoru actually laughed at that, glad his lover could take the heat. After a few minutes, Miyuki shuffled Tadashi out of the kitchen, both of them laughing, Miyuki slapping him on the ass before heading back to the stove, which was currently producing some rather mouth-watering smells. The older man smiled, grabbing a pipe and package of tobacco from a shelf.

"Come on, boys, we'll keep out of her hair." He stepped outside, slipping on a pair of sandals from the little row of them on the stairs, heading across the lawn to the dock, Kaoru following suit.

Die looked up when Tadashi spoke, smiling a little and gingerly getting up. He shuffled off toward the door behind him and hesitated, finally taking the slippers off and trying to find a pair of sandals that fit him well enough. Having accomplished that, he clunked off after Tadashi.

Kaoru trailed behind a bit, thankful at least his father seemed fond of Die. Tadashi walked down to the far side of the dock, built with a gazebo, potted plants making it green and comfortable with the patio furniture, a modest-sized boat docked at the other side. He sat down and packed his pipe, lighting it with a match. Kaoru settled down in another chair, digging out his pack of cigarettes.

Die moved to sit on the other side of Kaoru, fishing out his cigarettes before he sat down. He lit one with his red plastic lighter, letting the pack and lighter rest in his lap. He smiled softly, blowing out a stream of smoke. "It's beautiful here," he commented quietly.

Tadashi smiled. "It helps me not be so homesick, living somewhere so nice." He stretched his long body, puffing away at the pipe. "So tell me a little bit about yourself, Die. I feel like I don't know you very well."

He nodded a little, taking another long drag from his cigarette and letting it out on a soft sigh. He was so bad at this. "Well... you know what I do for a living... and," he glanced at Kaoru, "you know who means the most to me in my life. What else is there to say?" He offered a lop-sided smile, trying to lure Tadashi into asking him what he wanted to know.

Tadashi chuckled a bit, smiling at the second part of his statement. "What about your family? Brothers and sisters, when they came over from Japan, where you went to school? Things like that." Kaoru grit his teeth a little at the family question, laying a hand over Die's on the arm of his chair.

Die just shrugged a little, his hand going to rest on Kaoru's. "I don't speak with them anymore as they have disowned me for my... sexual choices." That was the safest way he could put it without crossing lines Kaoru's family didn't know about. "I have one brother and I was pretty much raised here. My parents tried to keep the culture from me and Americanize me as much as possible to 'make my school-life easier'." He used air quotes around the last part and then took another drag from his cigarette. "They thought it would make it easier for me in the long run."

Tadashi's brow knit at that, thinking he'd perhaps heard that the first time he'd met Die. At the last part, he nodded, mulling it over. "Do you think it did, or do you wish they'd integrated the culture more?"

He debated the question, shrugging a little after a minute. "I guess in some ways it might have helped. But I wish they'd at least taught me Japanese alongside English so I don't feel like a child all the time with my speaking ability."

Tadashi chuckled. "It's not so bad. Maybe speaking only Japanese around Kaoru would help you pick it up faster?" Kaoru rubbed the back of Die's hand, liking that idea, but it was really up to Die. "That's one thing I'm thankful for is Kaoru and Sachi were at the right age when we came over that they were already Japanese, but they were young enough to grow into it here and feel American, too."

Die nodded a little and shifted to tap some ash off his cigarette before taking another drag. "Probably helpful," he murmured, turning his hand over to squeeze at Kaoru's.

Kaoru laced fingers with him, smirking. Tadashi relit his pipe, enjoying the quiet for a moment. After a moment, he gathered up all his courage and tried to act casual, mentioning "It's been a while, hasn't it? Do you two have any plans?"

Kaoru bit his lip a little. "We've been talking about finding a place together, but we haven't actually started looking yet." To his surprise, his father smiled, genuinely pleased.

Die managed to not actually panic when Tadashi brought up their relationship like that. He kept quiet, allowing Kaoru to field the question, not wanting to answer in a way that wasn't going to be liked by his father. He relaxed visibly when Tadashi smiled and he squeezed Kaoru's hand harder. "Maybe a house," he offered shyly.

Tadashi raised his brows. "Really? Renting or looking to buy?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Probably renting for a while, maybe in another year or two, finding somewhere to buy." The older man's lips curled up around his pipe, catching the obvious implication that Kaoru intended to have Die around for quite some time.

Die crushed out his cigarette, which was down to the filter, watching for Tadashi's reaction and hoping for a good one. When he didn't outright get mad about it, Die looked relieved, shifting a little. Already he was starting to ache and he knew it was time for a new pain pill, but he wasn't about to be rude and ask for something to take it with.

Kaoru rubbed the back of Die's hair, looking up when heard Sachiko and Nick come down onto the dock, carrying a chilled glass of raspberry wine and a beer, respectively. Sachiko plopped down next to her father, looking relieved, putting the baby monitor she was carrying in her lap. "Finally got her to sleep."

Die watched them come toward them and then smiled a little. "If she wakes up, I could always go and see what's wrong," he volunteered quietly. For some reason, he already liked the little girl and he wanted nothing more than to go and see her again once she was awake.

Nick sat on the railing of the gazebo, sipping his beer. "Oh, we're sending you. She's getting into a whining phase, and she seems to keep quiet with you." He turned and chatted idly with Tadashi about the upcoming college football season, something apparently the older man was rather enthusiastic and knowledgeable about. Kaoru couldn't help but make a joke about, "Those Beavers," but Nick was quick on his feet, replying, "Yeah, you seem more like a USC fan". Kaoru laughed, almost offended, but he knew it was only a joke. Thankfully, Tadashi looked like he didn't really get it.

Die smiled at the first part and then looked utterly confused by the last part. He leaned over, whispering in English to Kaoru. "I don't get it...." Maybe his lover would explain it to him.

Sachi tactfully distracted her father while Kaoru quietly explained, "There's two USC's; the Trojans, and the Gamecocks."

Die stared at him for a moment and then tried very hard not to burst out laughing. After a moment, he had to get up, waving a hand, choking out, "Water," as he headed off toward the house, bursting out laughing halfway there.

Kaoru had to hold back laughter when Die started in, letting go of his hand. "Alright, baby." The four left on the dock were heard talking amiably, their voices carrying across the lawn. For all the weird quirks, there was no doubt a lot of love in Kaoru's family.

Die slipped into the house, barely remembering to switch shoes on his way. He searched for the bathroom, finding it rather quickly. He pushed the sliding door shut behind him and pulled out his pills from his pocket before turning on the faucet to the tiny sink and starting to cup water into his palm. He tossed the pills into his mouth and took a few handfuls of water right after to swallow them with.

Once he was done, he glanced around the little area, seeing some rubber shoes there. What the hell were those for? What was it with Japanese and five hundred pairs of shoes? This was getting ridiculous. He shrugged it off and just pushed his shoes into the corner, pushing the little latch shut on the door and then opening his pants. He moved to the toilet, pushing his pants down and sitting. For the first time in his life, he was really glad that about half the population of Japanese men actually sat down to piss anyway. This way if someone managed to get the door open anyway, he wouldn't look all that unusual.

In the kitchen, Miyuki was slaving away, happy in the involved task. Cooking was where she shined, and she found the act of preparing a meal to be invoking her love for her family into the food. 

Die finished up, wiped, flushed, got his pants back on and washed his hands. He smiled to himself as he slipped his house shoes back on and chanced going toward the kitchen. "Niikura-san? Do you need any help?" he asked softly.

Miyuki was standing on a step stool, on her tip-toes, straining towards the back of a cabinet. "Oh! Die-san! Yes, please!" She climbed down from the little ladder, wiping her brow. "I can't reach the curry powder... I ran out and the extra is on the top shelf, will you grab it?"

Die shifted into the room, nodding, more than happy to help her out. He stepped up onto the bottom rung of the step stool and grabbed the powder, handing it off to her once he was back on the floor.

She looked relieved, taking it and going over to add it to the potatoes, now drained from the water and simmering in oil with the diced onion. "Oh, thank you. I swear sometimes Tadashi built this house a little too conveniently for himself." Miyuki, after all, only came up to her husband's chest. She closed the container and put it on the spice rack, turning to Die, seeming much more open when he wasn't around other people. "So, tell me Die-san, how long have you and Kaoru been together?"

Die offered a little soft laugh, hoping that was the appropriate reaction to it. He just kind of stood there, waiting on the pain pill to kick in before he went back outside. "Um... well... our relationship is about the same age as Asako," he replied quietly, wondering why she wanted to know.

"Mm," she replied, nodded and leaning up against the counter, then turning back to the bowl of dough and container of red bean paste. "Have you made anpan before?" she asked, with an obvious air of, "you're Nisei, you must have been raised on hotdogs and hamburgers", but still with an offer to show the young man how.

Die blushed slightly and then shook his head a little. "No, I have not, Niikura-san," he murmured, peering over at what she was doing.

She waved him over, patting out a little dough and then putting a dollop of paste into it and folding it in. "Try one?" She moved slightly out of the way, putting her finished ball on the pan. "Be gentle, or it will stick too much to your hands and pull apart."

Die reached over and took some of the dough, repeating the process that she had shown him. "How's that?" he asked once he was done.

Miyuki couldn't help but let out a surprisingly girlish giggle, taking the malformed bun and setting it on the pan. "Sufficient, but not particularly pretty. Try again?" She put another ball of dough into his hand, going around him to stir the curry.

He laughed along with her, taking another lump of dough and trying again, this time trying to make it pretty. He held it out when he was done. "Better?"

She cocked her head to side. "Mmmmm, a little." She took it and put it down on the pan, pushing Die towards the curry to stir it so it wouldn't burn to the bottom of the pan and taking over the anpan job. "You're very pretty for a boy," she blurted out, not sure herself if that was an attack or a compliment.

Die laughed softly, moving over and taking the ladle to stir with. He hummed softly at the comment, his cheeks heating up a little. "I... yeah, I've been told that," he murmured softly while he stirred.

Miyuki patted buns, smirking slightly. "You know about his drug problem?" Her odd tactic worked both ways.

Die blinked slightly, hoping that he wasn't giving something up to her that he wasn't supposed to. "Um... yes?" He continued to stir, now gnawing on his lower lip a little.

Nodding a little, she finished making the buns, nudging Die out of the way gently to put them in the oven before taking over his post at the curry. "Do you love him?" she asked, a bit challengingly.

Die handed over the ladle and then leaned against the counter. "Yes," he replied without hesitation.

Miyuki wasn't satisfied by a mere yes. Waiting with her son in a hospital room for three days while he recovered enough to go home after his last boyfriend, who had also said he loved him, and then had beaten him to a pulp, had left her rather skeptical. "What does he mean to you?"

"He's the only person who's ever really cared about me and accepted me for who I am." He chose to refrain from saying 'what', knowing that would trigger something else entirely. His eyes were bright and determined.

Miyuki didn't hold back, muttering "That seems a pretty selfish reason." She seemed a little embarrassed she'd actually said it out loud, stirring harder, almost sloshing the spicy liquid over the side of the pot.

Die stared down at the floor for a moment and then returned, "Isn't love selfish? You hurt when someone leaves you and you love them; you cry because they hurt you, because they're gone. You love someone because of the feelings you have inside, not because of the feelings they have for you."

Miyuki stopped stirring, shocked at being challenged. Usually her words stopped anyone in their tracks. She couldn't decide whether or not she should be impressed. "I think it has _everything_ to do with the other person. If they don't love you back, what does it matter? And if you only love them because they make you feel good, plenty of people could fill that gap. It's what makes them hold the key to open that door in you that makes love what it is." Her ears turned hot and she stirred a little more, checking the rice, even though it had just been checked. "If my son is just something that tickles your fancy, then I'd be happy if you'd step out of his life as gracefully as possible." Her back was ramrod straight, completely serious in her statement. She knew Kaoru well enough, she could tell any future plans of his included Die now.

He bit his lip and then sighed, shaking his head a little. "That's what makes it two-sided," he retorted softly. "If it's true love, then it won't fade even if the other person doesn't love you back." He couldn't help but point it out, knowing he was controversial with his opinions, but it didn't matter. He wasn't about to lie. "Maybe you and I don't see love the same way, but that doesn't mean my love for Kaoru is just something that can be thrown away. If it wasn't something big and meaningful, I wouldn't be here right now."

Cold, dark eyes narrowed at Die, the cooking meal forgotten for a moment, switching to English to make her point clear, though her accent was still heavy. "All I want to know is that you love _my son_ , my _only son_ , and not how he makes you feel because he gives his heart away and fawns over the first person that manages to enchant him. I want to know you love _him_." If it had still been possible, if she had not long ago mastered herself to such an extent, tears would have sparkled in her eyes. As twisted and mean as she often seemed in her critical schemes, she was, ultimately, looking out for Kaoru. "There's a difference, Die."

He stared at her for a long moment before he chose to respond in English. "I don't know how much clearer I can get than telling you that I do love him. I said yes and I wasn't lying." He would normally have told her he didn't lie, but he'd already told more falsities than he liked since he'd arrived here. His surgery being the main one. He almost wanted to tell her the truth about himself, to make her see that it had to be love or else their relationship wouldn't have lasted this far. But he had told Kaoru he wouldn't and he would keep his word there until his dying breath.

Huffing a little, Miyuki turned away, turning her attention to the udon and added a little more garlic. In a flat tone, she uttered, "Thank you, Die-san, for your help, could you please let the others know that the food will be ready in another twenty, perhaps thirty minutes?" She paused and then added, "And send my husband in."

Still in English, he replied, "Yes, Ma'am," and then headed out of the kitchen, down the hall and to the back door where he switched shoes again. He pushed outside and almost stalked back toward everyone else, his eyes alight with fire. Once he arrived at the others, he glanced at Tadashi. "Niikura-san requests you in the kitchen," he stated, not bothering to change to Japanese. He was too steamed right then and he was sure it would come out stunted and possibly wrong.

He just stood there stiffly, his jaw locked while he tried not to spout ugly things out of his mouth.

Tadashi looked around like something he hadn't seen had spoken to him and then tentatively got up, going back to the house. As soon as he was out of earshot, Kaoru grabbed Die's hand, standing up and hugging him. Sachi leaned forward and touched his arm. "Oh shit, Mom got to you, didn't she?"

Nick winced, raising his beer in toast of Die actually making it out of such an encounter. "She's brutal, man."

Kaoru squeezed onto Die, rubbing his back. "Fuck... I'm sorry, baby," he whispered into his lover's ear.

Die clung to Kaoru like he was some kind of lifeline. He nodded slightly to Sachi and then muttered, "Tell me about it," to Nick. He was trying so hard to keep his emotions at bay but finally he couldn't help it, stuffing his face against Kaoru's shoulder, a few tears escaping. "She doesn't believe me," he whispered, sounding distressed, "t-that I love you!"

Kaoru huffed out a sigh, rubbing Die's back. Nick moved over to take Tadashi's place beside Sachiko, putting a beefy arm over her delicate shoulders. "Don't take it too personally? We've been married almost four years, and she still ain't buyin' it." Sachiko rolled her eyes, tucking into his side.

"It doesn't matter what she thinks. _I_ believe you." Kaoru's hands made calming circles over Die's back, his face pressed against the other's hair.

Die shivered and leaned harder into Kaoru, gritting his teeth, trying not to fully cry. He nodded a little at what Kaoru said. He pulled back from Kaoru and then just grabbed the sides of his face, kissing him hard for a minute before pulling back and whispering, "Sorry," not sure if he was welcome to do that or not.

Kaoru gasped at the kiss, trying to react, too stunned to do much. When Die pulled away, he blushed, Sachiko sitting with her mouth hung open, but looking like she was rather impressed, Nick just rubbing the back of his head, pretending to not have seen. Sitting back down, Kaoru pulled Die into the seat beside him again, not seated across from his sister and her husband. He jerked his chin up at Nick. "Do you have any tips for him?"

Nick blinked, a little confused, and then started. "Oh! Um... don't stare directly into her eyes." He laughed, receiving a slap in the ribs from his wife, but she couldn't help but laugh, too.

Die managed to look defiant once he was done with kissing his lover. He sat next to him and crossed his legs one over the other, arms going to cross over his chest. He snorted at Nick's reply. "Don't fucking argue with her or even try to be a fucking man," he spat out, obviously peeved still.

Kaoru rubbed Die's arm, startled to see such anger in his lover, who generally kept his cool, or shied away when confronted. Sachiko frowned, rubbing her hand on the inside of Nick's knee. "I know she can be a pain, but you've got to understand that as crazy as it seems, she's really doing it to look out for us."

A tight feeling settled in Kaoru's chest, seeing his lover like this. He wasn't really sure how to comfort him.

Die nodded, picking up his cigarettes and lighter again, lighting one and tossing the pack and lighter back down on the little table. "You'd think she'd be happy to see Kaoru happy." But then again, he wasn't sure he could be like that, given that his own mother wouldn't be happy for him. But then again, she didn't even claim to love him anymore, so he supposed the situations were different.

He smoked harshly at the cigarette for a few minutes, finishing it off and then looking calmer. "Seriously... does she hate everyone who isn't a perfect old-school Japanese man?" He didn't mean to sound rude, but it probably came across that way. But he felt discriminated against himself right then.

Kaoru winced at that, falling silent and crossing his legs, tucking in on himself. Nick hugged Sachiko closer, kissing the top of her head. She rubbed more at his knee, the exchange hinting that the issues both their parents had with them marrying each other were causing strain between them. After all, it was hard to stay happy when everyone else around you thought you were wrong. 

The young woman bit her lip, lifting one slim shoulder and then letting it drop. "She's extreme. I won't deny it. Maybe even racist. I mean... I won’t sugarcoat it... we're pretty elitist about being Japanese." Kaoru's cheeks burned, but he didn't deny it. She was right, and to a certain extent, the culture they had been raised in still very much felt that way; that simply by being Japanese, they were automatically superior, or had some sort of advantage. It wasn't pretty, but it was the truth.

Die watched their interaction and then listened to the words. He shook his head a little. "There's a difference between being like Kaoru... and like I get the impression you are and being a total bitch about it. I know I'm pretty much a white guy in a Japanese body, but it's not like I can change how I was raised." He sighed and snubbed out his cigarette butt, reaching for Kaoru's hand. "Not that I can say my family is any better; they've disowned me and I'm pretty sure they'd be just as rude to someone I brought home as they would be to me."

Sighing, he bit his lip and then closed his eyes. "I'm sorry I got so mad, but... it hurts, to be pretty much told my love isn't real love."

A slightly uncomfortable hush fell over the gazebo, the sound of ducks landing on the water a ways off drifting towards them to try and break the awkward silence. Kaoru reached over, and then stopped, laying his hand on the arm of Die's chair instead. Nick watched, knowing how Die felt, intimately. He'd been dealing with it for years. After a while, he spoke up. "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is what you feel." He thought about it for a moment. "No... all that matters is how you _show_ how you feel." He gave a nod, squeezing Sachiko's tiny frame against his wide, muscular one.

Die shifted a little, the words finally showing him that it did matter how Kaoru saw how much he loved him. He reached over, determinedly, and took Kaoru's hand into his own, squeezing it hard. He drew it to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. "Then, quite frankly, everyone gets to see me and Kaoru like we usually are rather than me trying to keep my hands to myself."

Sachi got up just enough to put herself into Nick's lap, sipping more at her glass of wine. "I don't see why not, I mean, hell, we are." She shrugged; she'd gotten over Kaoru being gay years ago, and Nick was just bashful in general, but he'd had several close gay friends in college and was pretty desensitized to any shock value some people might find in such a display of affection. 

Kaoru just sat there, blushing, rubbing his thumb over Die's forefinger.

He shifted then, getting up and moving to sit astride Kaoru's lap. He leaned forward, his eyes studying Kaoru for a long moment before he just moved forward enough to push his forehead against Kaoru's and stay there.

Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die's waist instinctively, breath kind of caught as Die looked down at him, not sure what he was about to do, but he hummed out a sigh when his lover simply pressed his forehead to his, closing his eyes and smiling softly. He'd just gotten comfortable when Tadashi called down from the porch, getting the attention of the four of them, who had become rather lazy and droopy-eyed between the amorous vibes and the warmth of the sun shining off the water. Sachiko got up first, letting Nick stand, grabbing Die's arm and half-dragging him out of Kaoru's lap. "Come on, babysitter. I'm going to need your powers in case Audrey wakes up during dinner."

Die stared up toward the house when Tadashi called. Frankly, he could have sat there all day. But Die's sister took hold of him and he just allowed her to remove him from his lover's lap, issuing him a departing kiss. "Hnn... I hope she has radar for me and Niikura-san getting into it." Because she'd be his ticket out of the room.

Kaoru hauled himself up, following behind as they filed into the house, which was thick with smells that could turn a stomach inside out with want. Miyuki was carrying dishes from the kitchen into the dining room. Nick immediately dove in to help, learning that after a while, a little ass-kissing went a long way. Sachi got in next, then Tadashi and Kaoru, grabbing bowls and dishes from the kitchen and going to set them on the table.

Die would have helped, but he was still too pissed off to do so. Instead, he went off toward the bathroom again, hoping to use that as an excuse. Inside, he just stood there, looking kind of grumpily around the tiny space. He moved his jaw around, trying to morph his face into something more reasonable. After a while, he washed his hands and then went back out, pausing just inside the dining room to assess the situation.

Everyone had just started to sit down after getting drinks, Kaoru having made the executive decision on giving Die sake and iced peach tea. Tadashi sat at the head of the table, Miyuki to his left, Kaoru at his right, with Sachiko sitting beside her mother and Nick, seeming too large with his legs crossed under the table, at the end. Beside Kaoru, was there was a zabuton on the floor and a place set for him, with chopsticks and a bowl of rice, a bowl for soup, and one small plate on top of a larger one, his glass of iced tea on one side and the cup of sake on the other.

Die came into the room, seeing his spot, glad it was far away from Kaoru's mother. He hesitated for a moment before leaving his slippers by the doorway and then coming over, having to very awkwardly get down on the floor because of his wounds. One of them still pulled a lot when he moved and he knew if he didn't watch it, he'd end up bleeding again. After some fuss and hassle, he managed to get on his knees, in proper Japanese traditional style. He put his hands together, pulled them up as if in prayer and then bowed shortly. "Arigato," he murmured before picking up his iced tea and taking a sip of it.

Kaoru took a very slow, deep breath and let it out. This was going to be a long dinner.

Dishes were passed around until everyone had a full plate, the smaller plate for anpan and tempura, and soup. Tadashi leaned and caught the side of Miyuki's mouth in a kiss, making a blush pass briefly over her cheeks. He smirked, sitting back up against and picking up his chopsticks, announcing rather enthusiastically, "Itadakimasu!" which may as well have been the starting gun of a race. Everyone started to dig in, Nick struggling with the chopsticks, but trying. Kaoru shifted to be sitting with one knee up, the other bent out on the floor, holding the bowl of udon underneath and slurping up noodles, trying not to actually moan around the food.

Die watched everyone, eating very sparingly, not having taken nearly as much as everyone else. When he saw Nick was struggling with his chopsticks, he waited on everyone else to be distracted and then discretely reached over, readjusting him to the much easier method Die himself had picked up long ago. Maybe it wasn't proper chopstick usage, but it was much more effective for holding onto them. Done with that, he went back to eating, watching him to see if that had helped.

Nick blushed, ducking his head. "I suck at this," he laughed as a way of saying thanks. Kaoru watched Die carefully out of the corner of his eye, concerned that he seemed a bit stand-offish, and that he wasn't really eating, despite the fact he hadn't eaten breakfast. After the initial chow-down silence, Sachiko and Miyuki started to chat, asking about old friends and such, which led into Miyuki retelling a story of one of Sachiko's high school friend's mother making a complete fool of herself in a loose sundress on a very windy day. By the end of the story, she was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, she had already downed a fair share of sake, and everyone was laughing along, even Nick, though his was forced; the entire story had been in Japanese, leaving him in the dust.

Die continued picking at the food. It was very good, but his stomach just wasn't in it. He still felt like he wanted to throw up; his entire day a jumble of emotions. When the story came along, Die ducked his head, trying not to smile at it. When he noticed that Nick looked lost though, he leaned over and murmured a quick version of it to him in English, not wanting him to feel left out like that. Plus, the way he figured it, he kind of had an ally in this man; someone who felt maybe even more awkward than he did.

The tall blonde blushed again, his baby-face turning pink. "Thanks," he mumbled, almost pouting as he managed to pick up a shrimp with the chopsticks. Kaoru finished eating and leaned on his hand towards Die, briefly laying his cheek on his lover's shoulder. He smiled at him, trying to ask him with his eyes as discretely as possible if he was alright. He hoped Die wasn't mad at him for bringing him along, or not properly defending him, after what had happened with his mother.

Die didn't mind Kaoru lying against him. It made him feel a little more at ease. In fact, it relaxed him enough to let him actually start to eat rather than just move the food around on his plate, pretending to eat.

Sachiko moved to stand, excusing herself. "I'll be right back, I need to go get the gift out of the car."

"Oh!" Kaoru jumped to his feet, pulling his keys from his pocket. "Me, too." Together, they went out to their cars to retrieve their gifts. An uncomfortable silence fell, which Tadashi tried to break, looking at his wife and laying a hand over hers.

"Thirty years..." He smiled.

Rolling her eyes, Miyuki reached to pat his hand on top of hers. "Don't make me feel old." Nick listened, catching enough for the little Japanese he'd picked up over the years, offering in English, "Congratulations. It's really inspiring to see a couple still so happy together after so long." It was true, after all. For all her coldness, something about the way she looked at her husband made Miyuki's eyes melt, giving a hinting look at what she might have been like as the fiery young woman Tadashi had first fallen in love with.

Die gave Sachiko an odd look and then Kaoru a startled one. Gift? What gift? He'd just thought they were out there for a visit, not for... their anniversary? Suddenly, he felt like an asshole and he kind of withered where he sat. He put his chopsticks down and picked up the sake, downing the whole thing in one go. A moment after, he just stared at his hands. "Congratulations," he murmured, before he excused himself to go out after Kaoru.

He hadn't chanced driving yet, but he figured he could try going and getting something. He didn't even think about the alcohol he'd just knocked back, all of his senses focused on being ashamed. He paused once he found Kaoru near the car. "You didn't tell me it was a special occasion," he murmured, looking kind of freaked out.

Kaoru pulled out the wrapped print he'd hand-colored, turning around and looking at Die, blinking. "I... I mentioned it when I first asked you to come with me while we were in LA. And..." he lifted the wrapped photo, "when I was working on this, I... I'm sorry?" It had completely slipped his mind to mention that Die should maybe bring a gift, though honestly after Die had shared the details of his financial situation, he didn't really expect him to.

Die drooped a little. Fucking medication was messing with his damn head. He looked confused for a long moment before whispering, "I'm an asshole..." he held out his hand. "May I borrow the car?" He had enough cash to go get something, or at least he hoped he did.

The more his mind rolled around the fact that it was their anniversary in his head, he realized that he should have just put two and two together. He remembered Kaoru mentioning the painting being for their anniversary and then remembered being invited to go. But he didn't think he'd ever put the two bits of information together, though it seemed very obvious now.

Kaoru just kind of looked at his keys and then at Die's extended hand. "Um... w-why? I... what do I tell them?"

He sighed softly and shook his head, taking the keys. "Just tell them the truth, that I'm the biggest jerk in the universe and I can't even make simple deductions when I'm hopped up on pain pills. I'll be back as fast as I can be." He headed around Kaoru, opening the door and slipping into the driver's seat. He pushed the seatbelt on and then managed to get the car turned around, heading back out over the bridge.

Smart... he was real fucking smart.

Kaoru stood in the yard and watched Die go, feeling confused. Sachiko came over to him, watching Die drive off. A sinking feeling hit Kaoru in the pit of his stomach and he turned around, walking back into the house, wondering how he was going to handle this.

Die managed to find the closest town and then a little shop that looked like it carried cards and stuff. It was some kind of Hallmark rip-off as far as he could tell from the outside. He went inside and looked around. He'd heard thirty years mentioned and he would go with that. First, he found a very expensive-looking card, trimmed in actual silver-leaf. He wandered around the store for a while and finally found a set of silver and mother-of-pearl-lined condiment bowls. They could use them for anything they wanted, even just as a dish to put jewelry in if that was how they saw fit.

He moved to the register, paying for the purchase, ending up using his credit card and all the cash on him, the total bill almost $100 by the time he got it gift wrapped in opalescent paper. He signed the card and the gift tag, getting it all in a clear plastic bag tied with a ribbon that had diamonds printed on it.

He left the store, getting into the car and backing out. He narrowly avoided backing into a pillar and he realized he was feeling really woozy. It kind of clicked somewhere in his mind that these newer pain pills weren't supposed to be mixed with alcohol and he cursed himself as he started back toward the house.

Kaoru started to get concerned after a while, more than he already was, and sent Die a text. _You okay?_

Die was most of the way back when he got the text, having just gotten to the bridge, though he was staring at it nervously, just sitting there idling. _Head doesn't feel right... but I'm on the way back._ He sent it and then took a few deep breaths, starting to ease the car across the bridge.

Kaoru frowned, wandering to a corner of the porch to smoke a cigarette. _Be careful, baby. I love you._

He somehow managed to get the car back to where Kaoru had parked it to begin with, but by the time he got out of the car, he ended up on his knees beside of it, one hand holding onto the car while his stomach rolled rather violently. He let out a little sob, shoving the gift far enough away from himself that if he did get sick, it wouldn't be all over what he'd just left to go and get.

Kaoru heard the car pull up and walked around the house, seeing Die on his knees and jumping down into the yard, breaking out into a sprint, kneeling beside him. "Baby? Baby! Are you okay?" His heart was pounding, worry knotting his chest. "Die... what's wrong?"

Die lifted one hand, pushing it against his mouth, closing his eyes while the world swam around him. A moment later, he felt Kaoru next to him and he knew he couldn't throw up. Kaoru would freak out and probably throw up as well. He breathed deeply, trying to calm his body down. After a few moments, he moved his hand and whispered, "Alcohol and the pain meds..." he murmured, "they don't mix."

Kaoru's hand against Die's shoulder started to shake. "Oh god, oh fuck, I didn't even think about that, shit..." He looked around helplessly. "Should we get you inside, do you need the fresh air out here?" He hated feeling like there was nothing he could do for the other.

Die just sat there, heaving in air and trying to focus on not throwing up. "I'm gonna hurl," he muttered, trying to get Kaoru to tell him where to do this before it was too late.

Kaoru panicked, hauling Die to his feet and trying to tug him towards the bank of the island, not too far away. "Come on... if you're gonna do it, might as well do it somewhere with natural clean-up." He really hoped his lover could hold it together, though. He wasn't sure if he could keep his own meal if he even just _heard_ Die puke.

Die shivered a little, swallowing down the watery crap that kept flooding his mouth, a clear sign he was going to hurl soon. He stumbled along with Kaoru, tears welling in his eyes. He saw where they were heading and just kind of pushed away from Kaoru, running off toward the shore near the bridge. He managed to get just down near the bridge before he had to lean over and throw up. He clutched his stomach, sobbing as he did it a few more times before stumbling back from it and grabbing the edge of the bridge, shaking while he tried to get his body under control.

Kaoru let him go and spun around, slamming his eyes shut and stuffing his fingers in his ears. He gnawed hard on his lip, feeling terrible for Die. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry..."

Die stood there, feeling even more nauseated for a minute before he started to feel a little better. The world still swam, but it seemed like maybe he'd gotten rid of some of what had been bothering his system. He pulled a tissue out from his pocket, spitting a few times and then wiping his mouth.

He checked himself to make sure he didn't have any vomit on him and then kicked some dirt over the mess he'd made before coming back to Kaoru, still looking woozy. He gently touched him on his shoulder.

Kaoru jumped a little and turned around, looking Die over, asking in a very quiet voice, "Are you okay?" He rubbed his lover's arm, frowning. "Do you want to go home?"

Die nodded a little bit and then sniffed a little. "No... I think I'll be okay now. But... I'd really like some mouthwash."

Kaoru nodded, leading Die back to the house, grabbing the bag he'd left by the car and handing it to him, finding his father in the kitchen, helping to clean up, and discretely letting him know what had happened. Tadashi's brows knit together and he went out into the living room where Kaoru had left Die, ushering the younger man towards his and Miyuki's bathroom, pulling a bottle of mouthwash out of the medicine cabinet and handing it to him. "I'll go make you some tea, see if that helps."

Die moved along with him, standing there kind of wavering on his feet. When Tadashi handed him the mouthwash, he bit his lip a little and then murmured, "I left yours and Niikura-san's gift beside the car." There were still tears in his eyes and his makeup had run down his face from before. He sniffed a little.

Kaoru was in the hall, hearing the whole thing. "I brought it in, don't worry about that right now." Tadashi and Kaoru went back into the living room, Kaoru glad that his mother and sister had gone out on the porch to watch the sun start to set. Tadashi boiled some water and found a bag of chamomile tea, making it for Die. He turned to his son with concern written across his face. "Is he alright? I mean... not just sick, but..."

Kaoru sighed, shrugging. "I think Mom got to him pretty bad."

Die washed his mouth out with water and then with mouthwash. He washed off his face entirely and then settled down on the toilet, waiting on his body to get a little more stability. After a while, he sighed, getting up and washing his hands again. He got up and headed back out toward the living room, though very slowly, realizing he was still wearing the house slippers and had been the entire time he was out. Well fucking shit. He took them off and headed into the front, holding them in his hands, looking ashamed.

Kaoru leaned against the counter in the kitchen, rubbing his hands over his face. This kind of felt like a disaster. When he saw Die heading back through the living room, he walked towards him, making a little face. "Feel better?"

Die nodded a little. "I'm an idiot," he murmured softly before showing Kaoru the slippers. "How much do I owe them for these? I'm so stupid I left with them on and went to the store."

Kaoru looked at his hopeless lover, trying so hard not to laugh, taking the slippers. "They're washable, baby... don't worry about it." He hugged him tight and then went to set the slipper in the laundry room, coming back and handing Die the bag. "Want to go face Mom and give her the gift now, or would you like the tea?"

Die stared at him, feeling even dumber. He sighed softly and then shivered. "Tea and your mom... same time. And it's half your dad's gift, too."

Kaoru went into the kitchen, returning with Tadashi, who handed Die a warm mug of tea and pat his cheek like he did to Kaoru. "Come on, maybe some fresh air will do you good." They both led Die out to the porch, where Sachiko was sitting with her mother on a padded bench and Nick was in the grass with a now awake Asako, making sure she didn't hurt or eat the caterpillars she was watching with fascination. "We waited on our gifts until you got back," Kaoru let him know in a low voice. 

Sachi noticed her brother and Die with the bag and went inside quickly to grab her and Nick's gift and Kaoru's, coming back with both and handing Kaoru off his camera bag, too. He thanked her and took the Nikon out, popping off the lens cap. Tadashi went and took Sachiko's place on the bench, putting his arm around his wife, and everyone gathered up on the porch.

Sachiko offered hers first, Kaoru snapping shots. Being a photographer had its downsides when your family just expected you to be the one documenting all the get-togethers. Tadashi held the bag while Miyuki looked at her daughter and son-and-law with a sort of, "you shouldn't have," expression, digging through the tissue paper and pulling out a vase that was perhaps two inches wide and a foot or so high, shaped like a circle with two flaring openings at the top. It was glazed in dark greens and warm browns, with gold run through it. Miyuki looked surprised, checking the bottom of the vase and finding her daughter's signature. Sachiko blushed. "For your ikebana," she explained. Miyuki smiled, nodding, quietly telling Sachiko it was lovely. Tadashi reached into the bag and pulled out something else - a plaster of Paris round with two little hand prints in it, the round plaque painted blue and the little hands a pale yellow with, "For Ojiichan & Obaachan," written in gold Sharpie. He looked up at Nick, smirking. The tall man rubbed the back of his head, bouncing Audrey on his hip.

"Ah, it was her idea," he joked, pointing at the baby, who was clapping like she was terribly proud of herself, "but I helped." Miyuki actually laughed, taking the plaque and admiring it. "I'll hang it in the kitchen," she decided plainly; there were already two similar plaques there with Kaoru and Sachiko's tiny hand prints. She put everything back in the bag for now, she and Tadashi both thanking them. Kaoru looked at Die in silent question if he wanted to give his gift next.

Die saw the look Kaoru gave him and he thought maybe it would be better if he didn't go last. He nodded softly, murmuring, "Thank you," to him.

Kaoru's gift was beautiful and perfect, after all. So he picked up the bag that Kaoru had retrieved for him and held it out toward Miyuki, thinking it would be better if he handed it to her.

Miyuki tilted her head, taking the bag, holding it while Tadashi dug into it this time. Miyuki was picking at the bag almost like she was uncomfortable as her husband opened the card first and read it out loud. Sachiko cooed, rubbing Die's arm. "That's so sweet!" Tadashi blushed and managed to bow towards Die a little; English always made things so dramatic and unsubtle, but he appreciated the gesture from the young man. Miyuki just took the card and set it in her lap while Tadashi dug through the bag and pulled out the two bowls, holding them up with an "Oh, these are lovely!"

Miyuki's uncomfortable, icy expression seemed to almost shatter as she actually looked at what Tadashi was holding rather than pretending to. A slow smile tugged at one corner of her mouth and she plucked one of the bowls from her husband's hand, rubbing her fingers gently along the inside, feeling the slight grooves where the pieces of pearl had been laid into it. "My father made all kind of things with mother-of-pearl," she explained simply, looking up at Die and meeting his eyes. "Thank you."

Tadashi echoed the thanks and they placed the bowls and card back in the bag. Kaoru sort of nudged Die, smirking, glad the gift had seemed to loosen his mother up a bit.

Die stared at them, almost not breathing until his arm was rubbed by Kaoru's sister. He offered a soft smile and then took a sip from his tea. At the point that Miyuki said her father used to make all kinds of things from mother-of-pearl, he almost wilted in his seat in relief. He smiled softly and continued to nurse his drink, waiting on Kaoru to give his gift.

Smiling, Kaoru handed over the wrapped photo. Both of his parents gave him a sort of funny look at the odd shape of the gift, then started unwrapping it, each of them holding it up and staring. Miyuki covered her mouth with one hand and gave a happy laugh. Tadashi looked beyond touched, looking at his son, speechless. Sachiko came over and looked, almost glaring at Kaoru for out-doing her, then explaining to Nick as he leaned to see that it was the view from their parents' first apartment together. Miyuki had to keep laughing in surprise to keep from crying. "That tiny little place was such a dump!"

Tadashi put his arm around her and kissed her cheek, tucking her head under his chin, knowing her well enough to know she was on the verge of tears. She tried to distract herself by inquiring about the coloring and when the photo was taken, Kaoru explaining it was just fabric dye and that he'd taken the shot a little over a year ago when he was back in Japan. A happy nostalgia settling over them, obviously thrown back into thinking about those first few years together, realizing a bit more fully now that their love and marriage had lasted three decades. They both thanked Kaoru, Tadashi getting up to go set all the gifts in their room before returning, suggesting they all move down to the dock to watch the sunset, now in full-swing, pinks and bright gold reflecting up off the water.

Die finished his tea, still feeling really crappy in a ton of ways. He felt like he'd ruined a good chunk of Kaoru's time with his family by just being here in the first place. And secondly, for being an airheaded asshole and not realizing it was Kaoru's parent's anniversary. All the same, he followed them to the dock, trailing behind everyone, knowing his socks were probably black on the bottoms by now because - once again - he'd forgotten the damn shoes.

Everyone else had gone barefoot, anyway; when they reached the dock, rather than going to the gazebo, they all settled down on the edge with their feet in the water, rolling up pants legs and taking off socks. Kaoru settled down beside his father, looking back at Die, smiling at him. "C'mon, baby."

Die hesitated for a minute and then pulled off his socks, leaving them and the teacup behind, coming to sit next to Kaoru. He rolled up his pant legs and then stuck his feet in the water, heaving a soft sigh of relief at the feeling.

Kaoru smiled, kissing his cheek before leaning forward, his camera hung around his neck, and snapping candid shots of Nick lowering Asako down so she could kick the water, making her laugh and scream, splashing everywhere. He took several shots of his parents, as well, Tadashi's arm firmly around Miyuki's tiny waist, her hand on his knee.

After a few relaxed moments just staring out across the water together, Sachiko cleared her throat. "So, um, Nick and I have another gift for you guys, but, it hasn't arrived yet, so we'll have to give it to you later."

Miyuki nodded, murmuring, "That's fine, dear," and then snapped her head over to look at her daughter. "Wait... how long, exactly?" 

Sachiko blushed, biting her lip with a smile. "Oh, about nine months." The excited, surprised sounds from both Miyuki and Kaoru echoed across the water, Tadashi just letting a goofy, pleased smile creep across his face.

Die sat there, feeling kind of turned on while he swirled his feet around in the water. Something about lakes, rivers, and streams made him feel empowered, like he was able to take on anything. And right then, he wanted to take on Kaoru. He was about to lean over and give him a gentle, passionate kiss when Kaoru's sister spoke up. He was going to ignore it and go ahead, but then she said nine months and Die realized the moment was in no way his. He settled back, feeling that pang of sadness go through him again and he wondered if that would always happen when someone mentioned kids. It felt... stupid. He was a man and yet, he obviously loved kids.

He bit his lip a little and studied Sachiko. She was obviously just pregnant if she said nine months and he didn't know what he expected to see, but he looked anyway.

There was very much fawning and "congratulations" shared in an overlapping rush for the next few minutes, Miyuki taking Asako from Nick and kissing all over the little girl's face, cooing to her that she was going to have a little brother or sister soon. Asako gurgled happily at the attention, reaching back and tugging the clip from her grandmother's hair, making the long, heavy tresses tumble down, a good four or five inches on the dock at her backside. "You little devil!" Miyuki teased, Sachiko taking the clip so the baby didn't throw it in the water, Miyuki making kissing noises at Asako's tummy.

Kaoru went back to taking pictures, laughing at his father kissing and tickling one fat little foot, making Asako giggle adorably. Sachiko got up, going over and making grabby hands at the camera. "Alright, Mr. Photographer. My turn, I want to make sure you have pictures of you and Die." Kaoru pouted jokingly, but handed her his camera, putting his arm behind Die and leaning back, letting Sachi get some candid photos. With the light and his camera, it would be hard to take a bad photo just then.

Die watched, smiling softly. After a few minutes, when Sachi took the camera, he turned around, one leg tucked under him to face the camera with Kaoru properly. He scooted close and rested his head on Kaoru's shoulder, wanting the comfort right then. He bit his lip a little and then went in to get a gentle kiss, hoping to get a picture of it.

Kaoru tried to act as natural as possible, always finding it odd to have a camera pointed at him and try to pretend it wasn't there, despite being a photographer and wanting shots like that. When Die leaned his head on his shoulder, he smiled, wrapping his arm around the slim waist, rubbing. At the kiss, his eyes fluttered shut, letting it linger for a moment before pulling away, blushing. Sachiko grinned, putting the camera back around Kaoru's neck, sitting back down beside Nick.

Asako calmed down and just sat in Tadashi's lap and for the next ten minutes or so, a peaceful quiet was enjoyed, the sun sinking below the horizon, indigo and stars fading in from the west, creeping ever more eastward.

Die shifted back to put his feet in the water again once the pictures were done. But that didn't stop him from leaning over to lean on Kaoru's shoulder again. His eyes closed after a little while, breathing evening out as he dozed against his lover.

Kaoru leaned back against him, enjoying the relaxed moment. Once darkness started to settle more, Sachiko sighed. "Well, I guess we should probably head back." She moved to stand, stretching. Miyuki did the same, Tadashi handing the baby up to her.

"Okay, darling. Kaoru, I guess you'll be going, too?" Her son shook Die to bring him out of his doze, standing and nodding. He jerked awake when Kaoru shook him, snorting and looking around like he was confused.

"Yeah, I don't want to get back home too late." He extended a hand to Die to help him up, the rest of the family heading back towards the house.

Die’s toes curled and then he sighed softly, getting up using his own means since it required a lot of effort not to pull himself in the wrong way. He got up and then reached to loop his arm around Kaoru's shoulders, sniffing a bit.

Kaoru hugged against him, walking back to the house and padding around to the front through the porch to avoid tracking his dirty bare feet through the house just to get to the front for his sneakers, grabbing his camera bag from beside the back door. He slipped them on and moved to put his bag in the car, coming back and trading hugs with everyone, sentiments exchanged that it was good seeing everyone and congratulating Sachiko and Nick. Tadashi was the first to hug Die, bending down a bit to squeeze him against his chest. "It was a pleasure seeing you again, Die-san. I hope next time we meet, you'll be in fairer health."

Die grabbed his socks and pulled them on, heading around the house with Kaoru, going to get his tennis shoes and pull them on as well. When hugs started being exchanged, Die kind of felt awkward, unsure what he was supposed to do. He was about to hold his hand out or bow, trying to make a last second decision when Tadashi pulled him into a hug. Die almost melted into it, smiling happily as he hugged him back. "The pleasure was mine," he murmured softly. "Maybe next time we can actually fish?" he asked a little hopefully.

Tadashi smiled, pulling away and nodding. Sachiko slipped in and put her arms around Die's neck, having to get up on her toes a little. "It was really nice meeting you, Die." He squeezed him a little and then let go, smiling. "Good to know I've got a babysitter when the family gets together." Nick came over carrying Asako, bending down to let her reach out for Die, doing that odd parent thing where he sort of spoke for his daughter in a baby voice, chirping, "Bye-bye, tell Die bye-bye!" Asako squealed and managed out something like, "Daidai!"

Die smiled happily, feeling a lot better, hugging Kaoru's sister back. "You, too. And of course!" Die grinned when Nick came over with Asako, reaching for her, wanting to actually hold her for a minute. He gave Nick a pleading look, blinking at him. "May I?"

He shrugged, handing her over. "Do you want to put her in her car seat?"

Die took her, holding her close and then smiled, nodding. "Sure!" He looked way too happy about that, a light in his eyes that was only there when he was holding Asako or when he was snuggled against Kaoru alone.

Nick nodded and walked over to the SUV, opening up the back door and stepping aside. Asako looked at the car and then at Die, who she was clinging to with her little hands, and figured out there was about to be no more Die. She started to sort of grunt, blinking her big brown eyes and looking up at Die as if to ask, "Why do you have to go?"

Die walked over to the SUV with her and then snuggled her very close for a minute, nuzzling close to her ear and murmuring, "I promise I'll see you again, sweetie. I like you." He pecked her cheek gently and then moved to settle her in the car seat. It took him a lot of time trying to figure out how the hell to fasten the damn thing, but he eventually figured it out, looking triumphant once he did.

Asako just pouted at him, sad he was leaving, knowing the car meant everybody but mommy and daddy were going away. Thankfully, she'd be sleepy soon and would probably take a nap on the ride home. Nick quietly shut the door once Die was done putting her in, tapping his shoulder and trying to give him a little heads-up as Miyuki made her way across the yard to Die, carrying a plastic grocery bag. 

Die smiled at Asako, backing up enough to let Nick close the door. He was grateful for the head's up, smiling as best he could at Miyuki and giving her a little bow. "Arigato," he murmured, not knowing what else to say to her.

Stopping in front of him, she put the bag in his hand; it was full of left-overs. "You're too skinny," she chided, patting his hand a little. "See you again." That was all she offered, hugging Nick with one arm before pulling open the door to the SUV and kissing Asako all over her little face.

Once she was distracted by Asako, he offered Nick the same little hug, giving him the option of backing out if he wanted to.

Kaoru came over, his keys in his hand. "Ready, baby?"

When Kaoru appeared, he smiled and nodded. "Yeah, ready," he murmured.

He put his arm around Die's shoulders and opened the passenger door for him, giving his mother a tight hug, running his fingers through her loose hair for a moment. 

Die walked to the car, the gravel crunching beneath his feet, something feeling almost sad about leaving. But he didn't say it, just settling down and immediately realizing he'd left his cigarettes and lighter somewhere. But he didn't have the heart to go find them right then. Besides, it was just a stupid red plastic Bic anyway.

Miyuki rocked Kaoru back and forth before letting go and going to stand with Tadashi in the yard, watching as everyone got into their cars and pulled out, both of them waving as both cars looped the driveway and started back of the bridge. 

Once back to the highway, Kaoru honked his horn, Sachi waving out the window as Nick turned to head the opposite way from where Kaoru and Die had come. Whereas Kaoru lived an hour and a half south of his parents, Sachiko and Nick were three hours north.

Cruising the country highway at night felt somehow creepy to Kaoru, but also peaceful. The day had been tense, but the parting had seemed fairly comfortable. He leaned back in his seat and reached for Die's hand. "So?"

He flipped on the radio once Kaoru had started the car, flipping through channels to a station having very mellow music on it; the song switching from The Wall to Return to Oz. He settled back in the seat, curling his fingers around Kaoru's. "Everything after I puked was better." He had to laugh at that.

Kaoru chuckled, squeezing Die's hand, lacing their fingers together and pulling the back of his lover's hand to his mouth, kissing it. "I'm glad. And now you've got good home-cooked meals for probably the whole week!" He turned on his high beams, watching carefully for deer. After a still moment, he said in a voice almost too quiet to carry over the music, "I love being with you."

Die laughed softly and then smiled at him. "I love being with you, too."

The drive back was relatively quiet, Kaoru hitting cruise control and just kicking back once they hit the interstate, almost no cars on the road. Something about going back home after his seeing his parents was always oddly peaceful; maybe it was because seeing them always made him feel more grounded.

Die bit his lip, watching Kaoru rather than the road. After a few minutes, he murmured, "I'm sorry... I guess I failed to put things together and be a proper guest today. And I started a fight with your mother on their anniversary." He frowned down at his lap, feeling like an ass again.

Kaoru shook his head, brushing his knuckles against Die's cheek. "Don't. She's hard to handle, and honestly, I think she was a little impressed to have someone stand up to her for once. What's done is done. I'll make sure you have you prepped a little better next time." He smiled, passing a sign announcing they were only another fifteen miles from home now. "Am I staying with you tonight, or are you going back to work in the morning?"

Die tilted his head a little. "I am going back to work tomorrow, but I'd like it if you stayed anyway."

Kaoru nodded, knowing he should take every opportunity he could to spend time with Die; the next several weeks were still packed full and busy. Passing exits with fast food, he realized Die had thrown up dinner. Surely he was starving by then. "Baby, are you hungry? We could stop somewhere and get you something to eat."

Die blinked at him and then shook his head, gesturing at the bag at his feet. "If I get hungry, I can eat that." In truth, he was starving, but he was also terrified that eating would result in more puking and he really didn't want to do that.

Nodding, Kaoru kept driving, getting off at the exit nearest Die's apartment, heading that way and finally pulling up again in the parking lot, getting out the car with a stretch, grabbing his bag and waiting for Die on the sidewalk.

Die pulled himself, his bag, and the bag of food out of the car, heading toward the building. He looked kind of worn out right then, but truly, he just needed a shower and the ability to curl up naked in his sheets.

Kaoru followed him, wrapping his arms around Die's waist from behind and kissing the side of his neck sweetly while his lover unlocked the door. "It's gonna feel good to get to lie next to you... I know I won’t be able to for a while."

Die smiled softly at him, leaning into the touch. "You know... sometimes I wish I never had to let you go." He pushed the door open, letting them inside and then closing the door behind them. He kicked off his shoes and headed to the kitchen to put the food away.

Kaoru blushed, following him inside and slipping out of his shoes. He watched Die move towards the kitchen, murmuring softly, "Maybe one day you won’t have to..." He stepped over to the table and put his camera back down, digging out his phone so he'd have an alarm tomorrow, figuring he'd probably sleep in and then clean Die's apartment a little for him after his lover went to work.

Die moved around, putting things away and then hooking his arm around Kaoru's waist, pulling him off toward the bedroom. He padded down the hall, determined to get naked and in the shower as quickly as possible. "Want to shower with me?"

Kaoru stretched, realizing he had no clothes to sleep in or wear the next day, but he figured it was no big deal... he'd just be going home once he left Die's place tomorrow, anyway, and by now he was sure Die wouldn't mind if he wore some of his sweats or something while he cleaned up around the apartment. Unbuttoning his shirt, he nodded at the question. "Sure, that sounds nice."

Kaoru folded his clothes and left them on top of Die's dresser to change into tomorrow when he left and followed his lover in, wrapping his arms around him under the spray with a sigh. "So, after all that mess - and I'm sorry again that I didn't think to make sure you were a little more prepared so you didn't feel so out of the loop - is there anything you wanted to ask me so I can brush you up on etiquette and the like?"

Die shook his head a little. "It's my fault. I should have studied or something, but I just didn't think about it." He shrugged a little and then snorted. "What the hell was with the rubber bathroom shoes? I mean I'd heard of the slippers in the front, but none of the rest of that!"

Kaoru laughed, rubbing Die's back and then reaching for a luffa and some body wash, scrubbing Die down gently. "It's... well, it's like, in Japan, things are segregated between clean and unclean. The houses are usually raised, like theirs, so tracking in dirt from outside is easily minimized by taking off shoes from outdoors. Really, the house slippers are just nice, they're not a definite everywhere, like, I don't have them. The bathroom is seen as an unclean place, too, and so you don't have to have your bare feet on the bathroom floor, there are the toilet slippers."

Die listened and then made a face. "But the cleanest floor in my house is the bathroom floor!" He laughed softly, shaking his head. 

Kaoru chuckled a little, shrugging, carefully washing around Die's still-healing incisions. "It's more the idea of what happens there than anything else." He stood up, starting to rinse Die off. "You honestly did really well. I know it doesn't seem like it, but... you did better than most people."

Die watched Kaoru and how careful he was being. Once he was rinsed, he stared down at the incisions and smiled a little. They were healing up nicely... finally. He offered Kaoru an incredulous look and then laughed. "Really, really? I thought I did terribly. I mean... I even managed to be a retard and end up puking!"

Kaoru shook his head, kissing Die's chin. "Don't worry about that... my dad thinks you're..." he paused, scoffing, "he thinks you're great. Sachi likes you. Asako obviously wanted to take you home with her..." He smiled, rubbing his lover's arm. "You did fine."

Die smiled softly and then nodded. "I wanted to take Asako home with _me_." He blushed a little and bit his lip, trying not to show just how much that statement was true.

Kaoru smirked, pulling Die back from the shower head and starting to wash his hair. "I'll be honest; I'm surprised you were so good with her, with, you know..."

Die blushed a little and then nodded. "I know... I was really jealous at first and a little weirded out, but then... I don't know... I just wanted to keep her."

Kaoru made an odd face, taking the shower head and rinsing Die's hair. "Jealous?"

Die almost wanted to curl up and sink into the floor, but he answered anyway. "Yeah... like that I can't ever have a kid. I mean, not that I wanted to be pregnant, and not that I could have ever been... but, still." He shrugged a little.

Kaoru thought about it, nodding. "That makes sense... I think it's really a very human trait to want children." He started washing himself, shifting around Die to get under the water.

Die stepped back, letting Kaoru in, moving to try to help him wash his back. He bit his lip a little. "You don't think it's stupid?"

Kaoru hummed as Die washed his back, pouring some shampoo into his hand to wash his hair. "No. We're driven by instinct to want to procreate. I mean... it's just a fact of life. It's natural for you to feel envy that other people can have children."

He bit his lip a little and then licked his lips. After a minute, he nodded. "Do you think they'd let us take her around for a day? Like... to the zoo or something?"

Rinsing out his hair and making sure he had all the soap off his body, Kaoru smiled. "That sounds really nice. Maybe if we can get a place in the next few months, we can keep her for a long weekend or something. I don't think Sachi would mind, and she could probably use the quiet." He turned off the water and grabbed two towels, handing Die one and drying himself off with the other.

Die stepped out carefully and then took the towel, wrapping it around himself and gently wiping at his face. Carefully, he moved to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a tube of gel. He started to smear it over his healing wounds, hissing a little.

Kaoru frowned at the hiss, kissing the back of Die's shoulder. "Is it starting to feel better?"

He sniffed a bit and then nodded. "Yeah... just stings still, but it's almost healed up."

Kaoru nodded, hugging him around the waist from behind for a moment before moving into the bedroom, tugging his boxer-briefs back on and sliding between the sheets, cuddling into the middle of the bed to try and warm the sheets up a little for Die.

Die smiled a little and then went about the rest of his nightly routine, finally coming to bed. His hair was still a little damp and he just crawled in completely naked, curling up behind Kaoru and tucking one arm around him.

Kaoru rolled, letting Die spoon against his back, pulling his lover's arm around him tighter and settling comfortably against the bed, already half-asleep. "Love you, baby," he murmured, before drifting off.

Die smiled softly. "Love you, too," he whispered before closing his eyes and drifting off.

**To Be Continued…**


	29. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to tcharlatan for betaing

Two weeks... it had been almost two weeks since Die had even so much as heard from Kaoru. No phone calls and no texts, not even any emails. The last time he'd seen Kaoru had been when they'd gone to Sita's wedding. It had been a beautiful affair, Sita a beautiful young woman and even more so in her sari, painted with mendhi on her hands. Kaoru had gotten a little nose stud with her, helping her through being too scared to get one of her own and Die had found it to be rather cute on his lover, though he had just found himself staring at it rather than saying anything about it.

In all, the wedding had been lots of fun, despite Die feeling once again like he was on the outside of a culture he didn't understand. But at least in this case, he wasn't supposed to understand it with his heritage, so he didn't feel _as_ displaced. At least he'd done some research online and he was prepared with the gift this time; a small card with fifty one dollars in it, making sure he added the one dollar at the end, due to tradition. He wasn't certain on the reasoning, but it had seemed to please Sita, so he didn't feel stupid about it in the end.

Something about seeing Kaoru happy with his friend made Die miss Kyo though, wanting to actually sit somewhere and talk with the other man. But he was well aware that he couldn't just fly out to Japan and see him, so he just relied on texting Kyo a little bit to satisfy the urge. The only problem with that was that it made him remember how he'd fucked up before and made him even more aware of how desperately needy he was becoming sexually. Not touching himself at all was making him feel like he was going to explode into a million little Die-shaped pieces. He could just see it now: little tiny cookie-cutter shaped Die's all over the floor and the walls painted with lady jizz, the police standing there shaking their heads. _"Died of sexual overload... just exploded. So sad... fourth case this week."_

Time had passed like an aching slow boat from China. Everything Die did seemed to point toward him needing to get laid... and soon. He turned on the TV and every damn show he wanted to watch ended up with a sex scene on it. If he switched on the radio, it would be playing some dirty song that only reminded him that he wanted to shove a dildo in his ass and fuck the _shit_ out of it. He went to the grocery store and found himself half a block down, staring at the porn store he used to buy his dirty magazines from. Of course, he'd resisted the urge, just going to his car, feeling like he was on the walk of shame rather than coming home from the grocery store.

Night before last, he'd found himself on his knees in the closet, ripping the stupid tape off the box he wasn't supposed to touch. But halfway through, he'd just ended up throwing hangars at it and verbally abusing himself for being a total fucking pervert. An ice-cold shower had been the answer to that in the end.

Currently, he was sitting in front of the computer, desperately searching for something to make him less horny all the time. It was starting to become an issue; the urge was there almost the entire day and he felt like Kaoru would know the instant he set eyes on him that he was a miserable wreck. But no matter what he searched for, all he found was unanswered questions or people calling other people idiots for wanting to know how to lower their libido. He clicked another link, his hand already curled between his thighs, fingers gripping his flesh tightly. This morning, he'd woken up to his body so close to orgasm that he'd had to lay there and meditate for almost an hour before he could get up without falling over the edge. If it wasn't for having promised himself he'd do it for Kaoru, he would have just given up and enjoyed the ride. But instead he'd felt like he was going to cry from the close encounter.

The link opened and before he could close it, a video started playing. It was a video of someone rather like himself, though in reverse, in a cheerleader's uniform getting fucked by a rather muscled Asian man. Right above the video, in large glittery text were the words _HOW TO CURE YOUR HORNY_. Die panicked, clicking the X in the corner of the screen desperately and then slamming the laptop shut with a displeased cry. It wasn't that he was displeased with what he'd seen. No... the problem was that he wanted to see more of it and that he wasn't supposed to have seen it in the first damn place.

He sat back, his hands covering his face, the chair creaking as he took in a trembling breath. "Fucking goddammit!" One fist hit the table before he shoved back from the table, snatched up his pack of cigarettes and stomped out onto the balcony to smoke.

Kaoru felt like he'd been everywhere in the last two weeks. Working just as much as he had for the last month, plus travelling for a wedding he was photographing, plus Sita's wedding, a photo shoot for a friend's interview somewhere in the middle of nowhere North Carolina, and the nights as Yuuko... After five years of keeping himself a secret from the other performers, he finally got so tired he was letting them see him out of makeup once in a while, or with his natural hair down.

For about five days, he'd lost his phone, and he hated that he wasn't keeping in touch with Die. It was only exacerbated when he thought for nearly a week that he'd lost the necklace Die had given him, finally finding it in the bottom of his drag bag and crying from how happy he was about recovering it. Finally, after not even having contacted his lover in several days, he'd had enough of letting his schedule push him around and started making plans, setting aside a day to arrange everything, and sending Die a rather enigmatic text in the evening.

_I'm sorry I haven't been in touch and I want to make it up to you. Meet me here in an hour; when you turn in, keep to the right. You'll see my car, park behind it and then follow the music._

Below was an address, and that was all.

Die stood there on the balcony, chain smoking for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually his phone emitted a soft sequence of notes, telling him he had a text message to read. He snubbed out his cigarette, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the device. Flipping it open, he half expected Kyo to be texting him. But instead, it was Kaoru. A smile pulled at his lips, but as he read the message, he just managed a confused look. All this time with nothing and then this, late at night, completely out of the blue.

He just replied with _okay_ and left it at that. He checked the time, the digital numbers reading 10:43 PM and he shrugged a little, heading back inside, stuffing the phone and his cigarettes into his pocket. He glanced around the apartment and found his keys, then a black button-up shirt, which he pulled on over the black tank top. Flipping his phone open again, he the address and the directions from his place to wherever Kaoru was leading him.

Not long after, he was on his way; navigating the streets to the address he'd been given. When he turned in at the address, he kept to the right, just like he'd been told to, a little smirk on his face. A cemetery. Very nice. Though he was kind of a little confused, given that he knew Kaoru liked to have sex in such places, but he was pretty sure he was still on cock-ban from Kaoru.

He parked and slipped out of the car, giving the place an odd once over, but immediately hearing the music Kaoru had been talking about. Locking the car up, he stuffed the keys in his pocket and then padded off through the darkness toward the music, almost tripping over grave markers twice.

The cemetery was large and old, with trees and bushes amongst the stones and mausoleums, obelisks pointing bony white fingers up into a violet sky. The music got louder as Die got closer, coming over a hill to finally reveal little glowing candles set around some stones, a blanket laid out on the ground, what looked like perhaps a throw with a purple Celtic-like design. There was a stereo playing off batteries on the blanket, with a basket laid beside it, but no Kaoru in sight.

Die blinked a little when he finally came to the area where it was obvious Kaoru had laid out something for them. The basket implied maybe... food? He just shrugged a little and went to sit beside the basket on the blanket, sitting cross-legged and pulling out his phone, texting Kaoru. _This purple throw had better be yours or else I'm intruding on someone else's little event here._

The air was balmy and scented with a stick of hem champa incense burning in a lotus shaped holder beside the stereo. A bell-like laugh rang out from somewhere near the shadowed pillars of a mausoleum and Kaoru slid out of the shadows, phone in hand. "Yes, it's mine." He walked towards Die, looking... different. 

Something about him seemed younger and he was dressed very differently from his usual wardrobe; his legs were hugged by black tights, wearing boots that looked old as hell, a dark, scuffed mauve, the leather stretched and gathered, coming most of the way up his calves. The tank top he was wearing almost looked like a shift dress it was so large on him, coming down to the tops of his thighs and tied around the waist with a violet scarf, his wrists heavy with black and violet and gold bangles, several rings on his fingers. His hair was different, too, trimmed up, the length still quite a bit past his shoulders, but thick bangs came down to his brows, both those and the fringe of his hair dyed a dark purple, his intense eyes made even more mysterious with the smoky ring of dark shadow and kohl he'd put around them.

Die grinned when he heard that laugh, looking toward the sound of Kaoru's voice. What he found there was a completely different Kaoru than he was used to and he found himself smiling even wider. It was a cute style for Kaoru and he was happy to see more purple in his hair again, reminding him that his own had grown out enough to need to be dyed again.

He walked over to Die and sat down next to him, knees tucked together and to the side, leaning on his hands to gently kiss Die. "Hey."

Die returned the kiss and then looked around the cemetery. "It's actually kind of calming out here."

Kaoru nodded, looking around. "I love it out here. Something about the way it feels and looks in summer makes it... perfect." Granted, it wasn't quite summer yet, but the heat made it feel that way. Scooting over the basket, he pulled out two glasses and a bottle of blackberry wine, which was still a little chilled. "I missed you and I wanted to do something special for you."

He handed one glass to Die and set the other by himself, pouring his lover’s drink first. "I can't wait to be done with all this working... a few more weeks and I'll be back to my usual schedule." He offered a soft smile and filled his own glass, then pulled out a Tupperware container of halved strawberries.

Die smiled softly at him, accepting the wine, his pain meds completely done with so he wouldn't have another incident like before. He nodded a little. "I can't wait for you to be done. I want my Kaoru back." He pouted cutely before taking a long drink from the glass, letting out a satisfied sound at the taste.

Kaoru took a sip and nodded, trying not to frown. He hated that Die felt like he didn't have him anymore, though he couldn't blame him. He dug through the basket and pulled out a loaf of artisan bread, baked with rosemary and olive oil, already sliced, and an assortment of different cheese that he'd cut earlier and put into a container, laying them out with the strawberries and then producing more fruit and two bottles of water. Reaching to cut the music back down, he looked at Die kind of expectantly. "So... did I do good?"

Die immediately reached for the cheese and a piece of bread. It looked so good. He smiled over at Kaoru, nodding. "Yes, yes you did." He took a bite of the bread and cheese and smiled happily after he swallowed. "You buy the best stuff," he murmured.

Kaoru smiled a little shyly, letting his fair fall over his face as he turned it away, taking a sip of his wine. "Only for you," he said in a quiet voice, sitting with his knees tucked up, leaning back on one hand. "So how have you been? It feels like I haven't seen you in ages."

Die's immediate reaction was to say, “Horny,” but he didn't. He wouldn't share that like an asshole. Instead, he shrugged a little. "Kinda boring I guess. Got a new project I'm working on at work, but it's not all that difficult. And I've talked with Kyo a few times, but just pretty much the 'how are you', 'I'm fine', 'yeah cool' kind of conversations." He made a little face. "And I walked in the wrong bathroom at work a few days ago." He shook his head. "Still not sure how the fuck I managed that one."

Kaoru gave him a slow head tilt, brow arching up under his bangs. "What? Seriously... you've been passing for... like three years now? Whoa." He picked up a grape and sucked it into his mouth, chewing.

He gave Kaoru a sheepish look and nodded. "It was pretty... epic. Some girl screamed and I just kind of snapped out of this haze like OH FUCK and got the hell out of there."

"I've been... not even in my own mind, just... doing, but not thinking about it, you know? I've been on that level of busy." He sighed and rolled his shoulders a little. "And it doesn't help that I miss you... I got so used to having you around and it's been hard adjusting. It makes me glad we're talking about living together, because then even when I'm busy at least I’ll get to come home and sleep next to you."

He picked up another piece of bread and slapped some cheese on it. "I hate that level of busy... it kind of eats your brain. Like... zombie rot." He offered a little grin and then crossed his legs the other way. "I kind of wish it was now," he murmured.

Kaoru had to laugh a little bit at the story. Pursing his lips, he nodded. "I know..." He took out a piece of bread and put both cheese and a strawberry on it. He sniffed a little. "You're like... my safe place. It's hard not letting the stress get to me without you around." He gave a little nervous chuckle and pulled at his top. "I've been having to eat fucking constantly just to stay at a normal weight. But..." sighing, he offered Die a little smile, "as soon as I'm done with all this, we can start looking for places and actually act like we're dating again. I feel so bad, it's like I've put us on hold right now. And then... maybe I can get my shit back together." The stress had broken him down in a lot of ways over the nearly two months so far, in ways he wasn't sure he wanted Die to ever know about, hoping he could fix them and his lover would never need to worry. "I feel better just seeing you tonight."

Die ate the little piece of bread and cheese and then drank more of the wine. "You know you're always welcome to spend the night at my place," he offered. It was always an open invitation, no matter the time of the night or day. He wasn't entirely sure what else to tell Kaoru, but he was sure that his lover was probably having a hard time of it. After all, he knew he wasn't faring so well himself.

Kaoru frowned, a little, still feeling like he missed Die even though he was right there, talking about it and just knowing it had been just as hard for both of them, being apart. He chewed on his lip a little. "I know... and you can always come to my place, even if I'm not there. That's why I gave you the key, so you can just come over when you want." Of course, having Die walk in unannounced might not have been the best idea right about then, , but maybe it was the incentive Kaoru needed to keep on his toes. He brushed a hand through his hair. "Three more weeks, that's what I tell myself. Just three more weeks, and then it won't be too long before it's out anniversary, too."

Die smiled at him and then nodded a little. He crossed his legs and leaned forward, snagging a strawberry and popping it into his mouth. Once he was done, he murmured, "True," trying hard to figure out when he could arrive at Kaoru's place and just snuggle him real good, out of nowhere.

Stress did a lot of things to Kaoru, the biggest of which being it made him very fragile, emotionally. Being around Die brought up a lot of shit he'd been fairly successful at burying over the last several weeks: regret that he hadn't seen his lover, guilt that he hadn't been around while he was healing, insecurity that maybe their time apart was making Die realize perhaps he was happier without Kaoru, and a host of other unsavory things he was treating with the "if I don't think about it, it isn't real" technique. He tried not to feel sad, he should have been happy, he had missed his beloved terribly, but a weight pressed against his heart. Hiding it, he rocked forward onto his hands and knees and kissed Die, soft and slow, trying in the one simple gesture to tell his lover how sorry he was for... everything.

Die leaned in, meeting the kiss halfway, smiling softly into it. A little sound of happiness left him at the contact, though the flare low in his abdomen made him want to try to cut the rest of his lady bits out. After a minute, he pulled back a little and licked his lips. "I love you."

Kaoru felt tears sting at his eyes and he covered it with a bashful smile, leaning back and biting his lip, pushing hair behind his ear. He crossed his legs and ate a little more, refilling his glass, sipping at it, his fingers going to his necklace to toy with it. "It's been six weeks since your surgery," he said plainly, trying to shift back to the main reason he'd brought Die out here. He knew his sexually driven lover must be about crazy by now, not having been able to do much with himself.

Die finished off his own glass, refilling it as well and then popping a grape in his mouth. He almost choked on the grape when Kaoru put it like that, his face turning bright red for a moment, even thinking about anything sexual making him instantly incredibly aroused. "Yeah... it has," he murmured.

Kaoru stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankle. "So Sara's out of hibernation?" He smirked a little, trying to pretend like he wasn't intentionally being sexy as he wrapped his lips around a strawberry and then sucked it into his mouth.

Die drained half the new glass of wine and then put it down, staring at Kaoru, then muttering, "Sara and her closest friend," under his breath before a little louder, "You may want to uh... be warned... about the volcano-like properties Sara might uh... exhibit."

Kaoru burst out laughing, sloshing a little wine over the rim of the glass, his laugh bouncing back against the tombstones. He tossed his head back, smiling. "I think I can handle it." Still shaking a bit with quiet laughs, he ate a little more before reaching into the basket and pulling out a bar of Gold and Black's chocolate, opening it and breaking off a piece, holding it between his teeth and leaning towards Die, a slight smirk on his lips.

Die smirked a little and then watched Kaoru break off the chocolate and put it between his teeth. He shivered, moving forward and then just giving up, put Kaoru's glass aside, grabbing hold of his hair and yanking him close, pulling the chocolate into his own mouth and then shoving his tongue back into Kaoru's as payment.

Kaoru gasped as he was grabbed roughly, his knee almost knocking over the container of cheese. He seized Die's shoulders, steadying himself, a hot rush of arousal coursing through him, his tongue wrestling his lover's. He gave in for a moment before pulling back, quickly putting some things away and _out_ of the way, draining his glass before crawling over to Die and putting his arms around his neck, kissing him again, slower this time, but no less sexually.

Die gave an impatient sound when Kaoru pulled back to put things away. But he took his glass of wine and finished it off as well before helping put things aside. It gave him a minute to think and to realize that Kaoru had been trying to be romantic, not make Die want to jump him. It was kind of sad actually; he wanted to give Kaoru the romance the other so desired, but on the other hand he just wanted to be fucked raw. His body was so incredibly needy right then that he was certain he could get off just from a little foreplay. But he was also sure that would ruin everything.

When Kaoru kissed him again, slower, he purposely reigned himself in. Mentally, he told himself the only thing he could to make sure he wasn't pushing for anything: that Kaoru would be disappointed if he went straight for gold. No... this needed to be about Kaoru and Die damn well knew it. He put one hand on Kaoru's waist, the other on his shoulder, trying hard to keep the kiss more or less a simmer.

Kaoru purred, leaning back and laying against the blanket, pulling Die on top of him, his breath catching at the feel of his lover's body over him, almost overwhelmed. It seemed like ages since he'd just felt Die against him like this and it almost made him sad. "I've missed this... I missed the way you feel." He hooked one leg over Die's hip, tangling with his lover's. "I've been too busy to even think about sex, fuck... I didn't realize how wound up I've been." His cheeks were flushed and his cock was half-hard already, rather evident in the leggings. He fisted his hands in Die's hair, kissing at his ear.

Die gasped when Kaoru pulled him down on top. He was completely uncertain what on earth he was supposed to be doing, except that he needed to think romance, not sex. But Kaoru's words did not help a damn thing. Taking a deep breath, he mentally rooted around for what was romantic rather than sexual. Sweet words... kissing... gentle touching that didn't include sexual places... saying they loved one another and then going to sleep without ever taking clothing off. That was what he could remember from a couple of sites that had women describing the perfect romantic date. They had already had the rest of it, he just needed to round it out real well, that was all.

He tried to ignore Kaoru's arousal, moving so that his body wasn't laying entirely on top of him, just hovering over him. It made it a little easier not to feel his dick at least. Tentatively, he tried out his tactics. "I really like your outfit," he murmured before pressing a kiss to his cheek. He shifted some of his weight to his knees so he could move one hand to Kaoru's shoulder, thumb attempting to rub nicely there, though it mostly just got caught up in the material of Kaoru's top.

Kaoru sort of blushed, feeling like Die was trying to avoid something. He bit his lip, brushing his hands over his lover's back. "Er, thank you... I was rooting around in my closet and found some of my clothes from college. I miss my Goth days, sometimes, but I know no one really takes me seriously when I dress like this." He shrugged a little, running his hand under Die's shirt and rubbing along his ribs.

Die listened, finding it odd that Kaoru was actually talking about what he'd said with the outfit. Okay... so the websites hadn't said there would be discussion following the sweet comments, but if that was how Kaoru rolled with the romance thing, then Die would accept that. He made a little face. "They should. It's not the clothing that matters; it's the professionaltiy of the person." He didn't even know if professionality was a damn word, but it was now.

He offered another kiss to Kaoru's cheek and then one to his shoulder. This was really fucking awkward. How long was he supposed to just talk and kiss in a manner that implied he didn't really _want_ Kaoru? It seemed dumb to him to play like he was twelve and had no idea what he was doing rather than just get to it. But if this was what Kaoru wanted, then he'd do it without complaint.

The hand under his shirt was kind of borderline driving him crazy. He wanted to be touched so bad that even something so simple was almost too much. He wanted to take Kaoru's hand off of him and put it on his arm or something instead, but he assumed touching someone's side was not usually sexual and thereby was probably romantic. Confused, he put his hand on Kaoru's side rather than his shoulder, just letting it lay there while he tried resting his head on Kaoru's shoulder without pressing the rest of himself against him.

Kaoru bit his lip, feeling Die move and tense like he wasn't sure of himself. He ignored the comment and leaned his cheek into his lover's hair. "Baby?" He put his arms fully around Die rolling them onto their sides, kissing his neck. "I've missed your body so," his caught the skin of Die's throat between his teeth, "bad. I want to make love to you. ...Can I?" He hoped Die wouldn't just say yes, but actually think it out; if Die just wanted to fuck, he understood that, it had been nearly two months since they'd had sex, not including the messing around they'd done while they were high together. He wanted Die to want this as well; otherwise it would just feel awkward.

Die yelped a little when Kaoru moved them over onto their sides. He was confused what was going on and it showed in the look on his face. But he got lucky and Kaoru wasn't looking at his face, instead he was kissing at his neck. He stopped breathing for a moment, teeth clamped together to not moan from the feeling of such actions. Moaning was not permitted when it was supposed to be romantic... right? God, he didn't know. No one included those details. Breathing again, he gave a tiny bob of his head and then murmured, "Yes." Maybe this would teach him how he was supposed to migrate from feeling like a virginal child to this supposedly wonderful state that making love was said to be. Everyone raved about it, so it had to be wonderful.

With a single nod, Kaoru rolled Die onto his back, straddling him, hands rubbing at his shoulders. "Relax, baby... this is supposed to be natural, just go with it." He could tell his lover was holding back and he wanted to try and show him that romance didn't mean he didn't get off. Leaning down, he kissed Die's mouth slow and deep, his tongue wriggling past his lips while his hands worked at the buttons of his shirt, opening it and pushing it over his shoulders, slowly sliding the tank top up and feeling his skin, smoothing his palms all over his lover's chest.

Natural? How was he supposed to be natural when that was what he had been all the other times? No... he had to be different than that and he knew it. Otherwise this would never ever work and he didn't want this to fail for Kaoru. He kept his hips right where they were rather than bucking them up like he wanted to. Step one was to not get ahead of anything... maybe... or at least he hoped that was step one. Who knew, it could be step eleven for all he knew.

Die had to not breathe again to not whimper when Kaoru leaned down to kiss him. Friction... _evil fucking friction_. Only then did it pop into his head that all he needed at home was that desensitization cream that was for men who jizzed too soon. If he slathered that all over his lower regions then he wouldn't feel anything but numb, right? Then maybe there would be no more horny. Though... that really did not help him right then. He made a mental entry on the grocery list, hoping something like a drug store would carry such a thing.

He kissed Kaoru back the entire time, the focus on other things helping his body not be a squirming mass. Maybe that was the key, keeping himself occupied elsewhere in his mind and not giving Kaoru his full concentration like he always did. But he failed to see how that was supposed to be romantic; it seemed quite the opposite. But if Kaoru didn't know his mind was elsewhere, then he supposed it was a way to deal, though now that he was focusing on the kiss again, he had to stop from shivering when those hands came to rub over his chest.

His own hands moved up to touch Kaoru's sides, resting there, unsure what he was allowed to do. He wanted to push this long shirt up and touch bare skin, but since it wasn't a simple tiny action, he figured it would look too eager, so he just left it alone.

Kaoru pulled both shirts completely off Die, sitting up and untying the scarf from around his narrow hips, tossing it aside and then pulling his shirt up over his head, his skinny chest and tattoos looking more stark that ever in the setting, with the candles flickering around them. It was clear he was hard, but he ignored it, lying back down against Die and kissing along his jaw, hands making patterns over his lover's exposed skin. "I love the way you feel," he whispered, "and the way you taste, and the way you smell. Everything."

Die willingly made the necessary movements to allow Kaoru to remove his shirts, then watched him remove his own. Okay, now he supposed he was allowed to touch his upper body? But no nipples... that was a sexual part. He kept his eyes away from Kaoru's groin, trying to focus on other things... like his tattoos, which quickly backfired on him. The candlelight made him look even sexier than usual and he loved tattoos in quite the sexual manner. But it was also impossible to ignore such things with Kaoru. He knew he was supposed to return some kind of sentiment, but he could only think of stupid things or things that would look like he was copying. Finally, he just replied, "I love all of you." Lame, but true at least.

His hands hesitated on where to settle, hovering over his skin and then finally just going back to where they had been, on his sides. Again that evil thing called friction tried to send a shiver of pleasure through him, but he just tensed his abdominal muscles, not letting it go any further. It wasn't obvious enough that Kaoru should ever notice, so he hoped it would be okay.

Kaoru leaned his head to the side, smiling a little before starting to kiss Die from his neck to his belly button, taking a slow, winding path in a detour down one arm. He was in no hurry, trying to mentally will Die to understand that all he really wanted was to be close to his lover, that it was meant to feel good not because sex, well, felt good, but because it was them together. Anyone could fuck Die. He wanted him to see the difference between that and what he hoped he could give him tonight, his hands slowly opening his lover's jeans and starting to tug them down his hips, the absence of packer making him stop for a moment, but he let it go. He figured perhaps it had been uncomfortable to wear while Die was healing and he hadn't started using it again.

Die just lay there, finally letting Kaoru go while he moved over him since it would have been difficult to hang on just then. He kept on wanting to make little sounds of pleasure, but instead he bit down hard on his lip, holding them inside, reminding himself that his usual cries of pleasure were not for this. But all the attention still made him feel aroused and he was kind of annoyed with himself for not being able to take it non-sexually. That wasn't the point, but his body didn't seem to give a shit.

By the time Kaoru got to his pants, opening them and pulling them down along with his boxer briefs, he was having quite the struggle just to breathe normally. The crotch of his underwear was already damp with his arousal and he immediately felt embarrassed because of it. It was stupid how aroused he was and he knew it. His cheeks flushed darkly and he lifted one hand to stick his knuckles against his mouth, head turned to the side. Almost as soon as his jeans were taken away, he drew his thighs together, one leg raising a little, trying to hide how aroused he was since he was under the impression he wasn't supposed to be like that yet... if at all. Part of him wanted to grab his underwear and scrub at himself to get the wetness out, but he knew that would tip Kaoru's radar off in a hell of a hurry, so he just lay there like some kind of modest virgin instead.

Kaoru pulled off Die's sneakers and socks, tossing them aside, pulling off his boots and watching Die try to pretend like he wasn't aroused, like he was actually shy. He rubbed up and down those long legs, kissing his lover's hip. "Die... I told you, just be natural. It's _supposed_ to feel good." He nuzzled his face against Die's groin, trying to gently coax him to open his thighs again.

Die's heart raced in his chest, terrified that he was going to do something wrong. When his lover pushed his face so close down _there_ he had to grind his knuckles against his teeth to keep quiet. His eyes closed. Just seeing that was going to make him cum if he didn't watch it. This wasn't good... wasn't good at all. He didn't want to just ruin everything by getting off the moment Kaoru touched him, but it wasn't like he was going to have a choice in what his body decided to do.

He supposed he could try and ignore what he knew he wasn't going to be able to. After all, if he didn't, he was going to mess up the whole thing. Reluctantly, he stopped clamping his thighs together, though he didn't move them. If Kaoru wanted them open, he could, and Die would let him.

Nuzzling him, feeling him stop tensing so hard, Kaoru eased Die’s underwear down and then pushed Die's thighs apart, kissing him just above the ring through the base of his little cock.

Die sucked in air and held it when Kaoru pushed his legs apart and pressed a little kiss so damn close to his most sensitive parts. That alone almost made him lose it and he had to grit his teeth _hard_ not to.

"Baby, are you okay? I... I can do something else?" He hated that he could tell Die was acting differently, like he was afraid to just let his body enjoy it. He paused and scooted up a little, trying to make Die look at him. "I want this to feel good for you. I _want_ you to cum. The difference is you know I do it because I love you, because... because this is the closest I can be with you and I want to please you and... please more than just your body." He pursed his lips, knowing he couldn't really explain it. It was just something he felt. "...Does that make any sense?"

Die stopped tensing so much when Kaoru moved up a little. He listened to the other, shifting just the slightest bit, still blushing something awful. He nodded. It did make sense... well, part of it did. But the part about wanting him to cum didn't make any sense at all. He'd read that in order for something to be making love, they had to cum together, at the very end, and that things would kind of... sparkle. He highly doubted the last part, thinking it being some virgin's idea of how an orgasm would feel or something, but the other part had been reiterated by a couple hundred articles, forums, blogs, and whatnot. He was almost 100% certain he wasn't supposed to cum until Kaoru was and even then it would supposedly just 'happen', not be something he was working for or anything as obscene as that.

Kaoru nodded, frowning a little at how tense his lover was, sinking back between his thighs and rubbing at the soft skin, lifting one leg to kiss him behind his knee and slowly draw his mouth over the skin there. His hands rubbed and massaged at the other thigh, then moved to all but ghost his fingertips over Die's slit, looking up at him with intense eyes. "Let me taste you."

Die continued to grit his teeth, trying hard not to let out any sound that remotely sounded like anything other than breathing. But the moment those fingers touched him, he let out a squeak and had to stop the reflex of trying to buck his hips up. His hand crushed to his mouth, knuckles now against teeth. He was going to fail... going to fail _so _damn hard. When Kaoru asked his question, Die wanted to curl up in a ball and... well... die. He couldn't very well say no, but if he said yes, he wasn't going to make it past five seconds. Not that he would if Kaoru put anything in him anyway. He just couldn't find an answer. He wanted to say yes, because he really did want Kaoru to go down on him, but he also knew he wasn't supposed to say yes when he was going to ruin everything and burst like a dam.__

__The squeak made Kaoru frown a little. He could see Die's mind flickering back and forth, searching for an answer, like he was afraid to enjoy it. He tried to offer a smile. "My only focus right now is pleasing you."_ _

__Die honestly wanted to cry right then. Why was Kaoru focusing on him when he wasn't supposed to be? He'd read nothing about oral being 'romantic' or part of 'making love'. In fact, he'd even read that it was to be avoided because it was a dirty act that didn't belong in such sacred places. But maybe Kaoru's version was a little more racy than what he'd read online and who was he to judge what Kaoru wanted as love-making? He finally just nodded a little, not trusting himself to speak right then. His breathing was already faster, heavier with anticipation... and he tried hard to kill the feeling that told him he wasn't supposed to be this excited yet... because Kaoru had just kind of... sort of... told him otherwise._ _

__Nuzzling his cheek against Die's thigh, trying to send him a little calm, Kaoru let his eyes slip shut and leaned forward, sliding the tip of his tongue down his lover's fold, and wriggling it slowly into his passage._ _

__Much to Die's dismay it didn't take anything more exceptional than just that tongue sliding into him to send him over the edge. He let out a cry that wasn't even remotely muffled by the fist in his mouth as he came harder than he remembered doing in a long time. It was enough to leave him a twisted mess, the blanket under him - and probably Kaoru - completely drenched with his juices, and tears running down his face. But the first thing he did once he'd caught his breath was let out a little half sob and then, "Oh god... I'm _so_ sorry." And he sounded genuinely sorry, if not a little scared. "I didn't mean to, I just-" but he didn't get any further than that, Kaoru completely interrupting him._ _

__"Shut up." He snapped up, almost glaring at Die, but his anger was directed at whatever made his lover think he would have to apologize for that. Shoving off the leggings, he crawled back up Die's body and pressed close to him. "Just shut up. I love watching you cum. You let go in the most... amazing ways and I like knowing I can do that for you. Don't ever apologize to me again because you let me please you." He kissed his lover hard once before slinking back down between Die's thighs, pushing them apart again and kissing his stomach, giving him a heated look that told Die he wanted nothing than more than for his lover to feel wanted, and began to eat him out like he was hungry for it. It really wasn't so far from the truth - he missed the taste and the way Die squirmed and the novelty of that lovely cunt on his man._ _

__Die lay there, completely confused and a little afraid for a moment. He'd never had Kaoru just tell him to shut up like that and it left him feeling more lost than anything. But his words... he couldn't just discount them. Obviously he hadn't broken any of Kaoru’s rules with his orgasm, just with his apologizing for it. He shivered when Kaoru kissed him, too shocked to do much but lay there like an idiot. And then that mouth was on him again and he just couldn't help any reaction he had to Kaoru anymore, all of his restraint used up already. He shuddered and whimpered, though he did clamp his palm over his mouth rather than skin his knuckles any more than he already had. His toes curled and his hips arched despite every effort he put into not letting them._ _

__Kaoru purred. Finally, it was his Die under him. He slithered his tongue in and out of his lover for a while before moving to suck at his cock, hands smoothing over his lover's hips, his own cock throbbing with anticipation to sink into that tight heat he'd been missing._ _

__Die let out another sharp cry under his hand when Kaoru moved to sucking on his lady dick. His hips shoved up and he shivered, the hand that had been in the blanket fisting in Kaoru's hair and clinging. Okay... so he knew he wasn't supposed to do that, but hell if he had any control over any of his body anymore._ _

__Appetite thoroughly whetted, Kaoru crawled up Die's body, kissing along the way until he was at his mouth, sucking at his bottom lip, the head of his cock rubbing against Die's slit. He was panting slightly, his heart pounding. He took one of Die's hands and pressed his length to it, letting him feel, staring down into those chocolate eyes he loved so much. "Feel me." It was all he could think to say, hoping Die would just catch his meaning. He himself felt like his heart would burst, focusing on Die in such a way making him feel overwhelmed and almost tranced into a state of worship of his lover, amazed at how much the other meant to him, how important the most insignificant things about Die were to him._ _

__Die trembled a little, willing to move his hand away from his mouth once Kaoru had moved away from his lower half. But then his dick was there, just resting, and Die would have covered his mouth again if it weren't for the fact that Kaoru sucked on his lower lip. He shivered, allowing his hand to be taken and pressed to Kaoru's chest. He shivered and stared up at him, his own heart feeling like it was in his throat. But the truth was, except the holding back he'd been doing, Die didn't feel any different than usual. It always felt like he was going to fall apart, like his world was spinning around only Kaoru, and he just wished he could tell Kaoru that, but he figured it would be taken wrong. For Die, it had always been something special when he gave himself up to Kaoru; letting him even see him naked was an opening of his heart in the deepest of ways. But he also knew now that Kaoru didn't just feel that way without help from the situation and the way Die acted differently._ _

__Kaoru closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Die's, nudging in slightly. "You're my whole world, you know that?" His voice trembled slightly, his throat tightening._ _

__He whimpered softly and finally reached to wrap his arms around Kaoru's shoulders, just clinging to him. "You're mine," he whispered._ _

__Tilting his head down, he kissed Die hard, squeezing his eyes shut to try and keep back tears as he slid in, wrapping his arms under Die and holding him tight, moving against him in rounded, lazy movements, almost like he was trying to slowly climb all the way inside Die, wear him like a coat, or live in him._ _

__Die let out a little cry into Kaoru's mouth when the other slid into his warmth. His hips arched up toward him, the action unstoppable. His toes curled into the blanket under him and he whimpered a little, everything feeling so good._ _

__A shiver ran through Kaoru's whole body, his hands shaking. He broke the kiss, but stayed close to Die, his breath hitting his lover's cheek. "Daisuke... I almost forgot how good it feels inside you." He moved his hips more like thrusts now, squeezing onto Die. "So good, so, so good...."_ _

__Die whimpered softly, his body twisting under Kaoru, thighs finally pressing up against Kaoru's sides. The last bit of holding back he'd been doing slipped through his grasp and he started to arch up toward him with each thrust._ _

__Kaoru's hands ran all over Die's body, wherever he could reach, soft and adoring. His slow thrusts were deep and he ground his hips into Die each time, shaking with the exertion, making sure he took his time. His mouth worked at Die's neck, traveling back and forth over his jaw from his throat to his mouth, trying, he hoped not in vain, to tap deeper into his lover's energy. He wanted to penetrate the membrane of that warm, bright star that was his beloved, that he would know had entered a room even if he could not hear or see or smell, wanting to be closer to him than just his body could ever get._ _

__Die couldn't help the sounds he was making, the tiny whimpers and moans of appreciation for what Kaoru was giving him. He could feel his body well on the way toward a second orgasm and this time he wasn't trying to hold it back. He just wanted all he could get from it, clinging to Kaoru like if he didn't, he'd fall off the face of the earth._ _

__Kaoru breath was beginning to come in pants, puffing out against Die's cheek, his weight braced on his arms, bent at the elbow, hands in Die's hair. "I don't think I could live without you," his breathed, hiding the tears sparkling in his eyes by pressing his face into Die's cheek, feeling himself close. His hips jerked more erratically and he whimpered. "Die, I love you."_ _

__Die wound one leg around Kaoru's arching toward him even more. "I love you, too," he managed to get out before another whimpering moan slipped past his lips._ _

__One hand slipped down and clung to Die's thigh, hugging it up over his hip, clawing into the skin just to hold on, he couldn't hold on tight enough. Too sudden for his tastes, but there all the same, he felt his body start to give in, slamming his mouth over his lover's and grinding deeper into him, whining as he let go, starting to cum._ _

__Die knew the moment his lover was about to cum, his own body arching hard, straining for his orgasm. The feel of Kaoru's warm seed spilling into him shoved him over the edge with a sharp cry into his lover's mouth. More than anything else, he thought about how they'd managed to accomplish what was apparently the main key to 'making love' according to all he'd read._ _

__Kaoru felt Die peak with him, letting out a sob, overwhelmed by it all, the tears dripping off the end of his nose onto Die's face ones of joy. He knew without a doubt in that moment that Die was all he would ever really need, cradling his lover to him._ _

__Die whimpered softly, curling himself even closer to Kaoru - if that were even possible - and just clinging on for dear life. "You're mine... I hope you know that," he managed to whisper, his voice a little choked._ _

__Kaoru huffed out a little laugh, rubbing Die's shoulder, nodding. "I know. The moment I first saw you, I knew I didn't belong to myself anymore."_ _

__The redhead tugged Kaoru closer, stuffing his nose against his lover's neck._ _

__Kaoru kissed Die's hair, staying where he was for a while until he got himself back together, carefully pulling out and then shifting to lie beside Die, closing his eyes, fingers going to rub subconsciously at the lilies tattooed under his navel. It was where he rubbed at night, a worried little gesture, when he was alone and missing Die._ _

__Die tilted his head a little and then smiled, his body moving to lie on his side so he could face Kaoru. "Careful... you'll wear it off." He grinned a little._ _

__Kaoru blushed, not even having realized he was rubbing it. Instead, he put his hand on Die's hip, scooting closer to him. "I don't even notice I do it... it's... it's my spot for you. I guess when I made the decision to have your claim... no, my choice to give myself to you on my body, it really rooted in my head."_ _

__Die smiled softly and pressed a kiss to his fingertips then pressed it to Kaoru's tattoo._ _

__Kaoru purred, cupping one hand against Die's jaw and kissing him sweetly. He lay back on the blanket and stared up past the branches of the three oaks around them into the indigo sky, dotted with stars, one arm around Die's shoulders, hugging him to him. "I'm glad you're not a scaredy-cat. Seu--Some people wouldn't come out here with me, they got too freaked out."_ _

__Die glanced around them and then shrugged. "What's to fear? Only if there's like... a sudden zombie infestation or something. Otherwise, I mean... they're dead."_ _

__Kaoru chuckled, a deep rumble in his chest. "That's what scares a lot of people. And ghosts. They don't know what's out there, what's after, and being out here reminds them there _is_ an after." He kissed Die's head and looked at the basket, reaching for the container of strawberries and putting it on his stomach, pulling one out and holding it in front of Die's lips._ _

__Die made a face. "I don't think ghosts are something to be scared of." He watched him grab the container of strawberries and then offer him one. He smiled, accepting it and taking a bite._ _

__Kaoru stretched, eating strawberries with his lover for a while, finishing the rest of the fruit off before sitting up. "Er, I guess we should get clothes on?" He smirked a little. "Just in case anyone comes along. The cops have driven through here a few times before."_ _

__Die laughed softly, nodding and then getting up, carefully finding his boxer briefs and pants, then his shirts, sliding them back on and sitting to do up the buttons. "It's not a crime to picnic out here is it?" he asked with a grin._ _

__Kaoru got back into his clothes and then poured the rest of the wine into their glasses, handing Die his. "Well... yeah. It's trespassing, and public sex is... definitely illegal. Generally, so long as they don't find the booze, and we aren't naked anymore, they'd just tell us to leave."_ _

__Die laughed softly and then accepted the wine, downing the whole thing in a go. He licked his lips and then made a little sound of appreciation. He grunted. "We're going to have issues driving home, man."_ _

__Kaoru laughed a little. "It's just a bottle of wine, we'll be fine. Here, have some more bread, I need to get rid of the cheese or it will just dry out." He set the food back out again, handing Die a bottle of water._ _

__Die put his glass aside and reached to get more bread and cheese, chewing on it. Accepting the bottle of water, he smiled at Kaoru and grabbed another piece of cheese._ _

__Kaoru sat cross-legged, eating some chocolate and grapes. He reached up and shook out his bangs, pulling a little black over the violet. "Do you like my hair? I don't know how I feel about the bangs, but I definitely needing to get something to cover up my fucking five-head."_ _

__Die smiled and then nodded. "Yeah, I do like it. It's really nice."_ _

__He nodded, satisfied, eating quietly as he just watched Die, the candles lighting him just enough, in a warm golden glow. "You look beautiful..." Really, he'd only thought it, but it had forced its way past his lips to let Die know the thought was there._ _

__Die bit his lip, blushing deeply. "Thanks," he murmured, running a hand through his hair._ _

__Kaoru smiled, tossing his hair, still getting used to the bangs hanging down into his eyes. "I mean it! See, I'm not the only one who has a hard time taking compliments. But you," he leaned onto his hands and kissed Die's jaw, "are absolutely fucking gorgeous. In every way."_ _

__Die squirmed slightly, biting his lip. "If you say so," he murmured softly._ _

__Kaoru rubbed his thumb over Die's cheek, leaning back with a little glimmer in his dark-rimmed eyes. "Mm. I do." Reluctantly, Kaoru checked his phone, which let him know it was almost two in the morning now, and Die still had to work in a few hours. "I'm sorry I dragged you out here, I know you've got to get up early... but thank you for coming to meet me."_ _

__Die shrugged a little. "It's fine. I'm more than willing to sacrifice sleep to be with you... and you know..." he grinned, "the fact that I'm not dying down below anymore."_ _

__Kaoru laughed at him, smiling broadly. "Aaaw, I promise to make it up to you once I stop working my ass off. We'll have a whole fuck-filled weekend. I've been hurtin' for it pretty bad, too."_ _

__Die grinned happily, leaning over to gently peck Kaoru's lips. "I love you."_ _

__A happy sparkle shone in Kaoru's eyes and he started to pack away everything on the blanket, blowing out the candles and gathering them up. "Do you think you'll be able to find your way back out okay?"_ _

__Die nodded. "Yeah, I think so."_ _

__Kaoru nodded, turning off the little boom box he'd brought out and making sure he had his keys and phone, crawling on his knees to Die and wrapping his arms around him. "Good. I wouldn't want to have brought you out here just to get your ass lost." He grinned a little and kissed his lover's nose. "Ready to head back?"_ _

__Die hugged him back and then kissed his cheek gently. "Yeah... I think so. Gotta get up soon." And he definitely needed to shower now._ _

__Nodding, Kaoru shook out the blanket and put it in the basket, grabbing that and the boom box and starting back towards their cars, putting both in the back seat of his Honda before walking Die to his car, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and kissing him. "I promise to keep in touch more... I've been so slammed I forget there's an outside world." He laughed a little and nuzzled Die's cheek. "I love you."_ _

__He walked with him, helping carry some of the stuff and then smiling as he hugged him. "I'll keep in touch, too... bug you more often. I love you, too."_ _

__Kaoru squeezed him one more time. "Mm, yes, bug me; that way I remember ‘oh yeah! I have a boyfriend!’ and won’t fall off the face of the planet." He laughed a little and backed away, going to his car. "You can follow me out, but I'm taking the interstate as soon as we get back to the main highway," he opened his door and blew Die a kiss. "Night, baby."_ _

__Die nodded a little and then kissed his on the cheek. "I'll see you later. Night!" He moved to get into his car and started it, waiting on Kaoru to get going before he followed him._ _

__**To Be Continued…** _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No... really... if you look it up on the internet, the impression that Die has of what love making is supposed to be is exactly what you get. I'm serious... go google romance and making love and all that and read up on what you find. It's sort of sad, really.


	30. Chapter 29

Die had been laying around at home, his body warring with him for about the billionth time over the past few weeks. He'd spent a good portion of time online, reading pages of random websites, always ending up with erotica of some kind on his screen and having to close the entire page. It was like the entire universe and his body were trying to tell him that he needed to just give up and get himself off. But he didn't want to give up on what he'd _promised_.

He was reluctant to actually give in and call Kaoru, particularly for a booty call. He didn't want his lover thinking that was all he ever wanted him for, that he didn't care about him besides the dick between his legs. But that didn't change the fact that he had needs... true, honest needs that were begging to be sated. He'd actually broken down and used the pantie liners Kaoru had bought in case he bled a lot to sop up the damn womanly juices his body decided needed to be outputted in mass quantity, tired of his crotch being wet _and_ bulge-less. He could deal with one or the other, not both.

Tossing and turning in his bed, he glanced over at the clock. Two twenty in the morning. Well... fine then. He figured Kaoru would be asleep by then and he just really wanted to leave him alone about the sex, so if he went to cuddle and Kaoru was already fast asleep, then he'd be in the clear. He shoved himself out of bed, tugged on a pair of rather tight red jeans that he'd been avoiding wearing in public and a loose black t-shirt that read ROCK diagonally down the front, a red guitar diagonally behind the letters going the other way. He shoved his feet into flip-flops and then his junk into his pockets. Soon enough, he was out the door, only a messenger bag over his shoulder with his hormones, a new panty liner, and a couple other essentials shoved inside.

Kaoru had kept his promise and kept in touch with Die as much as possible over the past few weeks, finally looking at his last week of three nights working as Yuuko and some party with the magazine that was really more ass-kissing the people from the printing company that owned them, before he was finally back to his normal, more relaxed schedule. It had been wearing him down pretty badly, the stress making him drop weight and settle into an anxious shit-hole emotionally, with bouts of randomly crying himself to sleep. Thankfully, once he had some room to breathe and was done with his over-worked stint, all the side effects of the stress would go away.

Or so he hoped... One downside of working in a gay bar three nights a week, especially in the back, was that the temptation of cocaine was... oppressive. Working every other Saturday, it was easy to pretend the girl next to him wasn't doing a bump, or that the guy in the bathroom just had a cold, but being around it all the time, the old ache had become a throbbing pain. The fact that he was exhausted all the time and would have loved that brief sensation of invincibility just made the want all that much more intense. For the first month, he managed to avoid it, his mind a constant chant of, "I do not want to get high right now." Three weeks in, he had to resort to falling back on using Adderall instead, and doing poppers a few times just to take the edge off, but he was still resisting.

And then he'd attended a house party of a friend he hadn’t seen in years who wouldn't take no for an answer, and when someone started cutting lines and offering them out like they were party favors, his resolve crumbled, and he gave in.

The initial disappointment in himself was ten times worse than the come-down, which was utter shit in and of itself. He'd gone two years without using, and just that little taste was enough to shake his strength. At first, he kept himself down to only using - and only two or three lines throughout the night - when he was working as Yuuko, perhaps because being in the character helped him feel more removed from what was happening. He knew how quickly he could plunge down into binging, to full-on addiction, but he floated, treating it like it was recreational, though it wasn't. His hands shook more, he lost his appetite, his every waking moment was plagued with wanting another line, and not wanting another line, and knowing that there was a great potential he was completely fucking up his life.

For the last ten days, he'd tried to dig his claws in, tried to keep himself from sliding deeper, but for ten days, he'd been using, going through most of an eight-ball that he'd bought with two days worth of great tips, two hundred bucks he could have put away towards saving so that he and Die could find a place together. Now, he wondered if what he was doing would eventually make the very concept of him and Die obsolete.

Which is why he was sitting on his couch at 3AM on a Saturday, having just gotten home from the bar and showered, fading back into himself from Yuuko, gripping the cushion and staring at the half a gram of coke in the little baggy on the coffee table. He wanted it... he needed to sleep, but it had been about four hours since he'd done a line and it was starting to make him shake, to make him feel like total shit. He hated doing cocaine as much as he loved it, was terrified of how far he would go with this, wanted so badly to quit.

But he knew he couldn't. Not that night. Reluctant, but understanding that he was not strong enough to hold back, Kaoru tapped out a bit of the powder and cut it with his driver's license into two even lines on the glass table top, rolling a dollar bill and fitting it against his right nostril, holding the other shut, and leaning down to snort the first. The rush gave him pause, enjoying the golden bliss which was weak - it was cut with something and wasn't particularly potent - but still effective, before expertly ingesting the second line, leaving hardly a trace.

By the time Die got to Kaoru's apartment complex, his digital clock in the car declared it to be 3:07 in the morning. He parked, locked up the car, and headed upstairs. At the door, he very quietly unlocked it, not wanting to wake Kaoru by being loud or anything. He stepped inside and gently closed and latched the door, ditched his shoes at the door and headed toward the living room to leave his messenger bag.

He stopped dead in his tracks, happiness at seeing his lover still up and then shock at what he was still up _doing_ filtering across his face. His breath caught in his throat and sadness swept over him like a wave of freezing cold as he saw what Kaoru had done.

Kaoru popped back up, eyes closed, sniffing to try and clear his nose, letting the rolled bill drop back onto the table and leaning into the couch, sinking into it. He felt the pulsing waves of energy, that brief glimpse of what it might be to be a fucking _god_ dissipate like ripples through his body, calming down to a buzz.

Sighing out, the high canceling any remorse for having done it at all, he opened his eyes, and all the regret came flooding back. Seeing Die standing there made his heart slam in his chest; it was clear he had seen everything, but still, Kaoru shot forward and tossed a magazine over the baggie and dollar, trying to plaster on a smile even though he was shaking, terrified. "H-hey, baby!"

Die watched his lover try to cover everything up with a sweep of his hand, a simple magazine over the baggy and the bill and the faint hint of white on the table. Somehow that only made the whole thing worse. It was obvious he'd seen and yet... Kaoru was trying to hide it. To Die, that showed an ongoing problem, not a first-time-in-a-long-time incident he'd just stumbled in on.

For the smallest moment, he deliberated walking right back out and trying to forget he'd ever seen what he had; pretend he'd never even come over in the first place. But that didn't seem wise given how Kaoru was reacting. Instead, he quietly put his bag down next to the sofa, just standing there, staring down at the magazine that now covered such sin.

He'd known... known since almost the start that Kaoru had been a drug addict. And like they said: once an addict, always an addict. Now the only questions were how bad was it, and could he live with it? One arm looped loosely around his own waist, the other arm dangling by his side. "How long?" he asked quietly, praying in his mind that Kaoru wouldn't try to deny it still.

Kaoru's heart felt like it was going to hammer out of his chest, his blood running cold. He watched Die walk over, licking his lips, his whole face feeling numb. He kept that fake smile plastered on, but it wavered, and at the question, dropped completely.

He felt sweat start at the back of his neck and he leaned to put his head between his hands, bracing his elbows against his knees. He felt sure this would be the last conversation he ever had with Die; if he were in his lover's position, knowing his past, he wouldn't stay. It wasn't worth it, not knowing how far he might go. Giving up the act, he sucked in a breath, feeling like it was difficult to do. "A little over a month."

Relief swept through him at hearing an honest answer. Die didn't have very many things that set him off, but one of the surest ways was to lie right to his face or to try to get out of answering something that was important. He'd lost his temper more than a few times at work over people refusing to give him straight answers and everyone knew that if they couldn't answer simple questions about a project they needed to stay off the project team when Die was leading it up. So the sheer fact that he'd gotten a truthful answer let him keep his cool.

He sniffed a little and rubbed his palm over his elbow. "I see," was his only response, his eyes refusing to even look at Kaoru. He didn't want to feel pity, didn't want to taint how he needed to handle this rationally with his emotions over how Kaoru was taking this. "How bad is it?" He didn't know how else to ask him how much he'd been doing.

Kaoru actually laughed at that, a bitter sound, like the temple bells usually rang through his laugh had been corroded with acid. "Not as bad as it could be... not nearly as bad as it's been. ...The past week or so has been pretty deep." He lifted the magazine and pulled out the baggie, most of a gram left in it, and, without looking at Die, just staring at the floor, he held it out towards his lover between his middle and index fingers. He hated flushing coke. It was fucking expensive and the addict in him felt like he was killing a friend, but he knew it was the best course of action.

Die could feel his stomach sink as he wondered if Kaoru had been high with him while they had made love out in the graveyard. Maybe... maybe not. And he wondered if it mattered. He wasn't an expert on drugs and hell if he knew enough to tell if it altered someone enough that it would have made that moment between them any different if he was or wasn't high.

Die stared at the baggy when Kaoru lifted it and held it out to him. His chin rose defiantly. "I'm not doing what you need to do yourself. You go flush it down the toilet." It wasn't him that needed to flush the habit, it was Kaoru and the symbolism of the action wasn't entirely lost on him.

Kaoru winced at that answer, lowering his shaking hand and putting the bag back on the table. If he was going to do it, he would do it in a while, when he was coming down, not while he was still high. Right now, he had to keep from feeling like his heart might actually stop. Panic was lacing through his blood and he was pale and clammy. He hugged himself and swallowed thickly. "I never wanted to disappoint you like this..." He wasn't really sure what that meant, but it sounded pretty close to what he was feeling right then.

Die watched him put the coke down on the table and he felt incredibly uncomfortable right then, like he didn't know if he had any control over the situation at all. Maybe he didn't. Who the hell was he to judge if he did or not? For a long time, he mulled over his potential answers, finally murmuring, "You didn't want me to find out. You only feel bad because I caught you." His voice still hadn't changed in tone, all of it soft, almost gentle, though there was an obvious twinge of sadness under it all.

Kaoru snapped at that, turning towards Die and gripping the back out of the couch with one hand, all but screaming. "I love you, of _course_ I was keeping it from you! I had every intention of never telling you because I didn't want you to _leave_!" He stood up and walked jerkily to the kitchen, shouting, "FUCK!" and trying not to kick anything, digging around for a water bottle, which he needed just then. He was starting to freak.

Die hadn't expected him to start screaming, having to stop himself from flinching away. His lover moved past him and toward the kitchen, screaming out the obscenity and Die just stayed where he was, rooted to the spot. He didn't even know what to do right then. He kind of wished he'd taken Kaoru's prior addiction more seriously and gone and researched what to do with someone who was high or wanted to get high or... well, anything. He remembered something stupid from school about calling poison control, but that seemed like a good way to put someone in jail rather than help them. Then again, maybe that was someone's version of helping.

He just stood there, keeping himself kind of out of whatever fit Kaoru was currently having, feeling like he really should have just stayed at home tonight. But that wouldn't have solved anything and he damn well knew it.

Kaoru downed half the bottle of water, and then pressed it to his forehead, feeling woozy. The panic of being caught, of knowing that Die very well might walk out of his life tonight, mixed with the fact he was already high as a fucking kite was making his blood pressure do strange things to his ability to stand up and walk straight. He managed to get back to the open archway between the living room and kitchen, sagging against it, still not looking at Die, a few tears running down his cheeks. He wanted to ask where this left them, or tell Die that if he couldn't stay, he would understand, but nothing would come out. Instead, he just wrung his hands in front of him, wishing the high would go away faster. It was turning into a paranoid fist around his chest to have Die standing there, knowing all the things he had been trying to hide, trying to fix before his lover even had to know what had gone on.

He pushed one hand back through his hair and walked shakily to the back of the couch, starting to speak several times, but unable to really find words. After a minute of failed starts, he looked up at Die, eyes huge and black and streaming tears. "I'm scared." It was the easiest, truest thing he could get out.

Die stared at him, watching as he moved around the apartment and then back to the couch. He bit his lip a little and waited on Kaoru to actually form a coherent sentence to him. His eyes lowered to the floor when he heard what he had to say, nodding. "Me, too," he replied, not knowing what else to say.

Kaoru’s knees buckled and made a sharp sound against the floor as he collapsed down, arms folded over the back of the couch, forehead rested on them, somewhere between sobbing and hyperventilating. He tried to tell Die he was sorry, but all that came out were half-sounds and pathetic wails.

Die started forward on impulse when Kaoru collapsed like that. He only hesitated when his hands were a mere inch from him, having no idea if he'd lash out in this state or not. But after a moment, he decided that he didn't care and shoved his arms around his lover anyway, holding him close.

Kaoru fought it for a moment, flailing around, feeling like he hadn't earned the right to have Die show him any bit of affection or support just then. But he didn't have the strength to pull away, sagging against the back of the couch and sobbing harder, slowly sinking down further onto the floor, hunched over, a complete and total mess. He stayed like that for a while until he finally collected himself enough to speak, though he had to push his voice out, almost screaming. "I didn't want to do this again, I'm fucking terrified I'm gonna die, or I'm gonna lose you, or I'll go broke, or get caught and be deported and _FUCK_ I don't want to do this again!"

Die just stayed there, letting Kaoru wriggle around until he'd calmed himself and accepted it. He sighed softly and shook his head. "If it makes you so afraid, then the answer to all of this is obvious, isn't it? You'll save everything if only you stop."

Kaoru's shaking from sobs turning into laughter. "Please..." He sat up, glassy eyes staring at his lover. "You have no fucking idea how hard that is. You can't possibly fucking imagine how hard that is. Imagine the worst hangover ever, plus the emotional stability of a house of cards, mashed together with violet physical illness, and you've got just a fucking _taste_ of what it's like." He snarled his hands in his hair, shuddering. "I don't know how to stop... even though I've done it, I still don't understand how."

Die didn't appreciate being laughed at. He knew it was hard, had heard about the come down from lots of drugs before. But that didn't change the simple fact that there was only one solution to be had if Kaoru wanted his life back together. He pulled back and glowered at Kaoru. "You don't have to be an asshole about it. I _know_ it's hard and I _know_ I can't possibly understand just how hard. But you know what? It's not like I'm not fucking willing to be here for you." He jabbed a finger at the bag of cocaine on the table. "You either try to get the fuck off of it with my help or you keep your damn baggy and I'm walking right back out the door. Completely up to you."

Another slam of his heart. Cold spread through Kaoru's body and he looked at Die, jaw hung, panting a little. "Are... are you saying I have to choose, between coke and you?"

Die slowly stood up and squared his shoulders as he stared down at Kaoru. "I'm telling you to clean yourself the fuck up."

Kaoru cowered under Die for a while, feeling useless and weak and sort of wishing he'd just drop dead so he wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore. He didn't drop dead, though... instead he crawled to the side of the couch and hauled himself up, reaching for the bag, swiping the little bit or residue off the table with his hand and shaking out the dollar, shoving it in his pocket. He walked slowly towards the bathroom, standing at the door after he turned the light on and pausing, then walked in, held what he knew was about fifty bucks worth of coke over the toilet, then finally dropped it in and flushed it down. Shuffling his feet, he came back out of the bathroom and into his bedroom, falling face-first onto the mattress.

Die stared at him, a rather pissed off expression on his face. He looked ready to explode, his eyes burning with anger and his stance radiating his every emotion. When Kaoru went to flush, the coke, Die followed, staying well enough back, but making sure he actually did it.

He followed Kaoru into the bedroom and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed tight over his chest. "Do I take that as your decision?"

Having Die that angry only made him feel worse. At the question, he slithered off the bed, literally hauling himself off the other side on his stomach and then getting to his feet, going around the room and gathering up a few things. He came over to Die with his wallet and a little silk-covered box, shoving the box at Die and then opening his wallet with shaking hands, still crying, his nose running and tears dripping off his chin. "That's the cash I've been saving for us to move in together. Here's all the cash I have on me, and my debit card... you know what? Here..." He put both back in and then pulled out his driver's license and his green card, giving Die the whole wallet. "I've got my credit card if I need anything... and then I can pay it off at the end of the month with you there. If I don't have money, I won’t buy blow."

He scratched his head a little, still trembling a little hysterical, tongue rubbing over his top teeth and eyes shifting around. "I... I still have three more nights working at Derrick's. ...If you come, I'll give all my tips to you, and if you're there, I won’t use off the other girls. I don't like being high around you." He crossed his arms tight over his chest, hiding behind his hair, voice cracking, weak. "I really, really don't like it...."

Die stared at him in slight shock, though his face didn't register that emotion. He took everything Kaoru handed him and nodded. He didn't know if you could buy coke from someone with a credit card, but he'd find out soon enough he supposed. "I'll be there... every night," he replied, turning to go out to the living room and putting Kaoru's stuff in his bag.

Coming back, he resumed his position against the wall. "What do I need to go get you... for the come down?" He meant things like Gatorade or tissues or... god only knew what.

Kaoru's face turned bright red. "Um... You're probably not gonna like this..."

He shifted around from foot-to-foot. "I usually pop a Xanax or something when it's the end of the night like this so I can crash..." He bit his lip. "I..." He went over to a drawer and pulled out the little pill bottle, handing it to Die. "You don't sleep well anyway... you can have those," he said in a quiet voice. "Um... when I don't have a sleeping pill or something, I usually just smoke a bowl and jack-off."

Die swallowed, Kaoru's bluntness making him feel kind of odd inside. He took the pill bottle, just holding it. He wouldn't do anything except put them in the toilet in a while. He scratched his head a little. "Um... well... I don't really see the point in you having to jack off... if I'm here... so...." He wasn't really sure how else to offer something when in all honesty, that was like rewarding Kaoru.

Kaoru huffed a little laugh at that, his shoulders sagging. He gave a little nod and took the pills back from Die, seeing how awkwardly he was holding them. "They're for my stress, not to get high, I promise." Regardless, he went and poured them into the toilet, much easier to do than the cocaine, and flushed, tossing the empty bottle. 

Die let Kaoru have the bottle back, watching him go to the bathroom and hearing the toilet flush.

Coming back into the bedroom, Kaoru found a pair of jeans and changed out of the sweats he was wearing. "I'm out of weed, so I'll have to run over and get some." He grabbed his phone and opened the contacts, going over so Die could see, too. He pointed to a contact, Victor. "That's my coke dealer," he deleted the listing then scrolled to a "Peru Jenna", "and that's this girl I know that will let me buy off her." He deleted that listing, too. He scrolled down to "Alej" and hit call. After a moment, someone picked up. "Hey man, it's K. Can I come by? Nah, just needed to pick somethin' up. A night cap. Yeah... nah, man. Okay. Yeah, I'm headin' out now." He ended the call and looked at Die. "Alright. He lives on the other end of the complex, I'm just gonna walk. I... I need a ten."

Die watched Kaoru come back with his phone and explain things while he stared down at the listings. When he made the call, Die almost wanted to scream. How was he supposed to know for sure that this was just weed? Unless... unless he went. He didn't want to; didn't want anything to do with this, but if this was what it took for Kaoru to throw the coke away and for him to not be convinced Kaoru had gone to do a line with this dude, then... fine.

He turned on his heel and headed into the living room, digging out ten from Kaoru's wallet and then mumbling, "I'm going."

Kaoru slipped on a pair of flip-flops at the door. "I figured you would." He opened the door and waited for Die to come out before locking it back, going down and through the large space of grass at the center of the complex buildings, going between two of them and across a parking lot towards the section of apartments at the far corner, smoking a cigarette on the way. "Julio really only deals weed, so... don't worry about that part." He didn't know if Die would even believe him, and he honestly had no reason to, but he tried, anyway.

Die would worry anyway. There was no way he wouldn't worry with Kaoru being currently in the midst of a coke binge. "Wasn't his name Alej on your phone?"

Kaoru shrugged. "He's Puerto Rican, motherfucker's got like eight-thousand names. Julio Alejandro Garcia-Lopez Martina Cuidad Mejado fuck, I dunno. Plus, I'm sketchy. I don't like having my dealers in there with their real names." He stuck out his hand for the money as they crossed the parking lot, walking around to the back of the apartment building rather than a door along the front.

Die followed him, his hands in his pockets, feeling more and more put out by the moment. Something about Kaoru when he was high on coke just didn't sit right with him. He didn't like it at all and it made him feel uncomfortable, like he was with someone who was intending to rob someplace or something. He didn't give Kaoru the money though, only willing to fork it over once he was sure it was weed Kaoru was buying. Not that he really approved of that either, but it was a fucking hell of a lot better than cocaine.

Kaoru stopped when Die didn't hand him the bill. "Baby. This isn't the fucking gas station. I need the cash in my hand so I can make a clean pass. It's just how this shit works. If you wanna do it fine, I'll introduce you and you can shake his hand, put the money in it. Just... act cool, alright? Any kind of druggie, we get fucking sketched out easy."

Die sighed, pausing and pulling out the money. He shoved it into Kaoru's hand. "It just better fucking be weed and nothing else."

Kaoru actually laughed a little. "I'm sorry... it's actually good you don't know stuff like this, but... ten dollars worth of coke is like... not even worth it. Never mind, come on." He walked around to the back of the building, with was concrete patios outside of sliding glass doors, facing some shabby looking woods. Kaoru went up to one and knocked, a TV glowing somewhere inside. The door slid open and a Latino in his early twenties blinked up at Kaoru, offering a lazy, "Hey, man", stepping back from the door to let them in, the sweet, pungent smell of pot floating out. Kaoru walked in and grabbed Julio's hand, their thumbs hooked, palming him the bill before looking to make sure Die was in and closing the door back behind him. Julio was already stumbling off into the kitchen talking about, "Man, I got this dank ass shit yesterday, you gonna love this."

Die looked really fucking awkward, coming in, but standing right by the door, kind of curled in on himself, though not actually doing so. Just something about his demeanor implied he was trying to shrink away into nothingness. His stomach rolled a little and he wrapped an arm around himself. It was kind of twisted how easily Kaoru had given that money away and how much it really had looked just like a handshake, though Die knew differently. He also didn't like the way the other man was stumbling around, like he was higher than a fucking kite.

In the living room, another young man was kicked back watching TV, which was the only light on in the apartment, other than a light above the sink. Julio came back out - a tiny kid, really, with buzzed down hair and a goatee - wearing just a wife beater and basketball shorts, and socks. He put a container of green stuff on the dining room table beside Die, where a bag of tortilla chips was already sitting, open. "You like guacamole, homes? My mom made dat shit, it's da best." He went back into the kitchen without waiting on any sort of answer and started bagging Kaoru's purchase. 

Die eyed the guacamole with a hint of disgust. No way in _hell_ he was touching that. It could be the best fucking guacamole on the planet and he still wouldn't touch it.

Kaoru wandered back out to the table and eyed the dip mistrustfully. Not only was this a dealer's house, this was a young, single man's house. Food that was not freshly opened was rarely safe. He made a little gesture to Die like, "Don't eat that," and turned around as Julio was wrapping the bag around on itself, handing him the little package in an equally smooth gesture as the handshake. Kaoru thanked Julio and slipped back out the door, weed in his pocket, going around the other side of the building from where they came.

Die watched Kaoru get the weed and then opened the door, stepping out, praying this was the end of it all. Kaoru came out just after and Die visibly relaxed the further away from that door they got.

Kaoru was starting to feel the come-down, dragging a little as he walked back to his apartment. The high was just a fading shimmer and now he just felt wired and shaky. Pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket, he lit one and sucked it down fast, finishing it right as they reached his building, heading upstairs and back into his apartment. Once inside, he quietly went to get a package of rolling papers--strawberry flavored--and his grinder coming back and taking a little of the bud out of the bag from Julio and grinding it up, sprinkling it into the paper and expertly rolling a thin joint, licking it to seal it. He set it down and then went to put the grinder, weed, and rest of the rolling papers up before sitting on the couch and lighting the joint, hands shaking visibly.

Die followed him, noticing how he was kind of less animated than before, but not commenting on it. He sat on the couch, his hands clasped between his knees while he watched Kaoru work on the joint. He eyed the strawberry rolling papers, wondering what they tasted like, but not asking that either. It wasn't like he bought loose tobacco or anything, so it didn't matter. Besides, it probably tasted like strawberry lube... which tasted like crap. He did notice Kaoru's shaking, but he - again - didn't comment, just half-watching.

Kaoru sat quietly for a while and just smoked, feeling like he'd had too much coffee and too little sleep, like his whole body was dried out and tense. Getting up, he went into the kitchen, finding enough wine left in the bottle of Chardonnay in the fridge for a glass and pouring it, drinking it down quickly, before finishing the joint, holding it between his fingernails to get as much out of it as possible, putting the last little roach of it out and down the sink. He grabbed a bottle of water and walked back into the living room, glad it was good weed. His whole body felt heavy and all he really wanted to do was get off and go to bed. He looked at Die with heavy-lidded eyes. "Um... I image you don't really want to touch me right now, so... I'm gonna... I'm gonna go beat off in the bathroom, okay? You can go ahead and lay down, I'll be in there in a minute." He figured Die really didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him, either, but he _was_ still in his apartment. Turning, he started towards the hall.

Die's gaze turned to watch him go into the kitchen, staring at him while he drank the wine and then came back out. He had offered to touch him earlier, but if Kaoru didn't remember that, he wasn't going to push it. Right then, every last ounce of horny he'd had left had been drained from him and he couldn't care less about sex. So he just nodded at him, watching him leave for the bathroom. For all he knew, Kaoru could have more drugs in the bathroom, but he didn't really feel like torturing himself or Kaoru by following him in there like he was a child.

Kaoru closed the door but didn't lock it, all but collapsing down on the rim of the tub after shucking his jeans and boxers down around his ankles, starting to palm his cock a little, the warm buzz helping to let him focus on getting off and block out all the other shit.

Instead, Die sat back on the couch, and just ran his hands over his face. He was fucking exhausted, but he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. What he really needed right then was some time to think... alone. But he wasn't going to leave. He pushed himself up off the couch and slipped out onto the balcony where it didn't smell like pot and closed the glass door. He pressed himself back into the shadows and lit a cigarette, smoking it halfway down before he pulled out his phone and texted the only other person he had to talk to: Kyo.

 _I caught him doing cocaine tonight..._ Short, simple, and to the point, because he didn't even know where to start.

 

Kyo was doing his laundry when Die texted him, yelling at the phone "Yeah, yeah, I'll get it!" as Kiyoharu's digitized voice sang at him to let him know he had a text. When he opened his phone finally, he smiled to see it was from Die, and then stared incredulously at it. After a moment, all he could answer was _WTF?!_.

Die finished off the cigarette in record time, but stayed right where he was, tucked into the corner of the balcony, the wall behind him feeling safe and sturdy whereas his life felt the direct opposite. When he got the text he let out a tiny snort. _He said he's been doing it for about a month... I'm blind, Kyo. I mean, not that we've been seeing much of one another... but he said he wanted to make love to me the other night and we did it in the cemetery. And now this... I don't know. I just feel like I'm standing outside of a glass box that contains reality and I have no fucking clue what's going on._ The text overflowed into several, but his phone was new enough to let him just keep typing and then press send, watching as it sent message after message before he closed it and waited.

Kyo frowned, hopping up to sit on his dryer. _I am so, so sorry Die. I don't know what to tell you. I mean... are you leaving? Are you taking a break? What?_ He couldn't imagine what that would be like, to be with someone and be looking towards a life with them, knowing something so dark lay in their past, and then having it crop up... He'd wondered why Kaoru had been on his mind lately, and now he hated that he hadn't concentrated harder on it. Maybe he could have given Die some kind of warning.

Die read the text, already having lit up a second cigarette and puffing away at it. He sighed softly and texted back: _I can't give up so much... but I don't know what to do. I actually got mad... for the first time in a long time... like really, really mad. I told him to clean up or I was walking out the door. I think he'll try, but I know the question's still going to be there of what if it doesn't work? And I don't know what I'll do then. And what gets me... is he fucking solved coming down off the coke with more drugs. He was going to take... Zanex or something? And then he went and bought pot. I just don't fucking know, Kyo._

Kyo was really at a loss for words. He crossed his legs and just stared at a blank reply for several minutes. _I don't know anything about drugs, but I do know about addiction. It's not as easy as saying "Okay, I'm done". He might slip up a few times before he finally really quits. He might not quit. And if doesn't... you can't blame yourself._

After sending that text, he gnawed on his lips, opening another. _I'm really sorry, Die. I know how much you love him._

Die opened the first one and read it, starting a reply. But then the second came and he opened it, reading it and that dam he'd been holding back inside of himself finally broke. The cigarette fell from his fingertips to the ground as he slid down the wall, tears welling up and overflowing, the dampness heavy as it rolled down his cheeks.

After a minute or two of sitting there, crying, he was shaking like a leaf and he just hit call, his phone dialing Kyo since it'd been sitting on his name. When Kyo picked up the phone, Die whispered, "Just talk to me... about anything." He just didn't want to be alone right then, but he also couldn't let Kaoru see him like this. His voice cracked and he let out the smallest of sobs, pressing a shaking hand to his mouth to try to stifle anything else that wanted to come out.

A wall of emotion hit Kyo like a slap. He winced and hugged his knee, wishing he could be there for Die, instead of half way around the world with just a phone to connect them. "Oh, sugar..." He thought for a moment, trying to get Die's mind off what was happening. "Um, I dunno... my neighbor upstairs has a new cat and it's spraying everywhere and my apartment smells like fucking cat piss. I've honestly thought about throwing cat toys on strings up onto their balcony and luring the cat off the edge to its death. Shit is getting on my nerves. That smell is five thousand times stronger than Febreeze or incense."

Die sat there, listening to Kyo, his hand in his own hair, pulling hard on it while he tried to focus on breathing rather than gasping. He let out a laugh through his tears and then managed to murmur, "Vinegar." It would cover it, but it would stink just as much. He shivered a little and ran his hand down the side of his face, his head tilting back and hitting the wall a little harder than was necessary.

"I tried that, but now my house smells like pickles, piss, and who knows what else." He grumbled a little, hopping down and walking over to his window. "I love watching storms at night... what's the weather been like over there?" He knew none of this was important at all, but if he could pull Die out of his funk even a little, it had served its purpose.

Die sniffled a little and wiped at the other side of his face. "Kind of... a mix. Wet and then dry." He sniffed again, more tears coming out. Why did this have to be so difficult? Why did he have to choose tonight of all nights to come over? Without much warning at all, he whispered, "Why did I have to show up at three am just to find this, Kyo? Wasn't I better off not knowing?"

A tight feeling caught Kyo in his ribs. He sighed heavily. "I don't know, Die. I really don't. Maybe, as shitty as it seems, you were meant to. Maybe he needed you there, to stop him, to give him a reality check that he was heading down hill. I... I can't tell you why. But you did. Now you have to deal with it."

Die let out another heavy sigh, grunting a little as he shoved himself up off the ground and tried to dust his ass off. He moved to the balcony edge and peered over at the ground below. For a moment, he thought it was almost a shame it was only the second floor. But then he just gave a little bitter laugh at himself and shook his head. "I feel like it's somehow my fault... like if I'd forced myself over here more it wouldn't have happened."

Kyo huffed. "You can't do that, Die! Even if there's any truth to it, how are you going to change it now? Don't think like that... where are you, anyway? Where's he?"

Die bit his lip, closing his eyes. He knew Kyo was right and maybe that was why he'd told him in the first place. Because Kyo didn't sugar coat things. "I'm on the balcony... and I guess he's probably in bed now, he was in the bathroom jacking off." He winced a little at the fact that he'd actually said what Kaoru had been doing, not having really intended to. Apparently his filter between brain and mouth was completely out of commission for the night; not surprising given the late hour.

Kyo blinked a little bit. "Oh. Um. Okay. That's not weird at all." He shook his head some, lightening flashing somewhere on the far side of Nagoya, the thunder rattling his windows.

"Sorry... TMI," Die murmured, sighing softly and reaching up to wipe away the remaining tears, his body turned slightly toward the door.

In the bathroom, Kaoru was giving up on getting off. Every time he closed his eyes to try and get lost in it and just cum, just to have a little moment that wasn't the shit hole of his life just then, he thought of Die, and then he realized that he was a fucking idiot that was probably going to lose him, and he just couldn't finish. After a good fifteen minutes, he just left the bathroom, putting his sweats back on, walking around through the apartment with his dying erection evident in the pants, turning off lights and getting ready for bed, burning a short stick of incense to cover up the lingering smell of weed.

Quietly, he pushed open the sliding glass door and ducked his head out onto the balcony, tucking his hair behind his ear. "Um... you can have the bed if you want, I'll sleep on the couch." If the other was even staying anymore. He didn't know.

Die was midway through wiping his face up when Kaoru pushed open the door and told him he could have the bed. He swallowed hard, nodding a little at Kaoru and then murmuring into the phone. "Hey... he's here... I'm gonna go." He sniffed slightly and then whispered, "Thanks... for listening and all."

"Sure thing..." Kyo hung up and then texted Die, _Are you really gonna make him sleep on the couch?_ but decided not to send it. He'd ask later.

Kaoru looked wilted and almost ashy in complexion, feeling like shit. He'd lost nearly fifteen pounds since they got back from LA and he was bordering on skeletal in the right light, not helped by the fact that his sleep clothes had been baggy on him at a healthier weight, and were now making him swim in them. He padded to his storage closet and got down an extra pillow and blanket, taking them to the couch and tossing them down. Sighing, he went to pour himself a glass of milk, sipping it at the sink, waiting for Die to hopefully go to bed so that he could lay down and cry over how much of a fucking idiot he was. At least maybe then his bed would smell like the other for a while, that way if in the morning he found himself boyfriend-less, he'd still have that scent for a little longer, something to fall asleep alone to.

Die slipped inside, shutting his phone and wiping the remnants of his tears off his cheeks. He glanced at what Kaoru had tossed down and he sighed softly, frowning to himself. He had a decision to make and he just wasn't sure if it was going to be the right one or not. All he knew was that he hadn't come over here to fucking sleep alone after he'd been unable to sleep anyway. He stepped over to the couch, picked up the pillow and blanket and went into the kitchen. He stood there a little awkwardly and then muttered quietly, "You're sleeping in bed... and so am I." With that, he headed off to the bedroom with the spare stuff, dumping it on the dresser and then starting to undress, leaving his phone in his pocket of his jeans. He left on his boxer briefs, but nothing else, making a little puddle of clothing off to the side of the bed before he shoved the covers back and crawled in.

Kaoru blinked at him, a little confused, but didn't argue. Instead, he poured the rest of his milk down the drain and set the cup in the sink, following Die after a moment and then standing, watching him slide into bed. Unsure what to do, he went around to his side and slipped under the covers, keeping his distance. He wanted to press himself up against Die's body and just sob and sob until he was asleep, to feel his lover's arms around him, but he didn't think that would go over so well.

Die lay there, staring at Kaoru's back for a long time, just glowering at him, until finally he reached out, grabbed him a little roughly and yanked him against himself. He stuck his face against his lover's neck and spoke, his voice low, but determined. "I came here because I was lonely. I wanted to see you and just wanted to cuddle with you for a while. I'll be damned if I won't fucking do what I needed."

Kaoru gasped, sliding easily across the sheets against Die's chest. At hearing the words, and feeling his lover's arms around him, he squeezed them tighter around himself and started to cry again, nodding hard, pressing his face into the pillow and trying to keep from making any noise.

Coldness swept through Die’s body at Kaoru's crying. But he wasn't going to tell him it was okay, because it wasn't. Kaoru needed the same reality that Kyo gave Die when he called. No sugar coat to things... not right now. He closed his eyes, holding him close and hoping that eventually he could maybe start to sleep. He was drained and exhausted, but his brain just refused to shut the hell up.

Kaoru calmed down to just trembling, lacing his finger's with Die's and pressing his bony back against his lover's thin chest, sniffing. "...Die?" 

"Yeah?" Die asked softly when Kaoru said his name.

Kaoru sniffed again. "I love you."

The response, though, wasn't what Die had expected and he closed his eyes again, letting out a sigh. "I love you, too, Kaoru... or else I wouldn't be here right now. I hope you know that."

Kaoru trembled harder, trying not to let out the wail that bubbled up in his throat, hot tears splashing onto the pillow. He nodded enough to almost smack Die in the nose, pulling the other closer against him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Die held him, emotion welling up harder inside him, more and more difficult to hold in. Finally he whispered, "Then do this for me... clean up and be my Kaoru again."

Kaoru rolled over quickly, clinging to Die and pressing his face into his chest. "I want to, I want to so bad, I just don't know if I can." He was sobbing loudly now, crumbling into a mess. "This is the third fucking time... I don't know if I can beat it."

Die sighed, stroking Kaoru's hair. "Did you have support the other times, Kaoru?"

He shrugged. "Sort of... I mean, I had Sita, but... really, the last two times, I had come home and was broke and didn't have any connections, so it was hard to find anything to fall back on, anyway. And then I quit after Seung beat the shit out of me, and that was easier because we used the same dealers and had the same drug friends and I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. But it's not easy. It's still not easy. In another week, I'm going to be the meanest fucking person you've ever met. And in another week, I'll be going through serious contemplation of suicide. Then it will even out, and then I'll get hit with it again, and that's all only _if_ I don't use, at all, from now on. And I can't promise that."

Die listened to Kaoru and the finally, quietly, he murmured, "What about rehab?"

Kaoru scoffed a little, brushing his lips lazily over Die's collarbone just for the comfort of feeling his skin. "I can't even begin to afford rehab."

Die wet his lips and then determinedly replied, "We can together. If you promise you'll do your best and go, then I'll fund what you can't."

Kaoru clung to him harder. "I'm not taking your money. Besides, after I overdosed, my parents made me go to a rehab center. I lasted three days and left. I don't know how anybody is supposed to get better around a bunch of other fiends that are jonesing just as bad as you. I hated it."

Die frowned a little. "Why does it exist if it doesn't work?" He just couldn't wrap his mind around it. Maybe it was meant to show you that other people had it just as bad or something.

"It just doesn't work for me, okay? I can't stand hospitals and shit and it stresses me out, and when I'm stressed out, I want to use." He squeezed Die harder. "Besides, I'd rather get my shit together on my own, if I can, and use our money towards us living together. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Die, not fuck it up on fucking blow again."

Die took in a long breath and then quietly blew it out, nodding a little. "Would it be easier on you if we... stayed together at someone's apartment for a while? Or is it harder because I'm here?"

Kaoru thought about it for a while. "I... I dunno what you mean ‘someone else's apartment’ but... yeah. Yeah, when you're around, I don't use. I don't like being high around you, it feels like I'm cheating on you." He sighed and nuzzled Die more. "Why don't you just... live here for a while? And we'll start looking for a place. So maybe in a few weeks, we can just move into that?"

Die made a little face. "I meant either yours or mine, since we don't have a place together yet." He wasn't all that sure about jumping forward into the living together bit since he really didn't have all that much saved up yet. But he supposed it would effectively cost them both less in the end. And at the worst, he could find some shit-hole to live in if things went down the drain. He nodded a little. "Yeah... okay."

Kaoru nodded, holding onto Die more. "Okay..."

He bit his lip a little and then sighed softly, closing his eyes again in hopes to actually sleep a little. The weed was creeper and Kaoru slowly calmed down, quieting, falling asleep to the rhythm of Die's breathing.

Die couldn't sleep. He fell into a restless state of half-dozing a few times, but eventually would snap out of it, usually with a soft gasp and fear that rose into his chest, gripping him like a vice. It took until around 8 am before he finally passed out from pure exhaustion.

**To Be Continued**


	31. Chapter 30

Kaoru slept until nearly one the next day, cracking his eyes open, head pounding, staring at Die's smooth, pale back. Last night came back to him slowly, his mind working over the events, trying to set it in his brain that he was done with coke, that he would clean up so that he could give Die his all, his full attention, and his focused mind so that they could actually have a life together. As he thought, he traced his fingers over patterns over Die's skin, eventually taking note of it and starting to finger-spell things across his back.

_I love you, I'm sorry, you're the best thing in my life, I want forever with you, I don't want to hurt you, you're everything to me, I NEED YOU_

Die's reaction was nothing at first, but then slowly he started to wake up, feeling the fingers on his back. Eventually he realized it was letters and he tried to pay enough attention to figure it out. But the only thing he could get out of it was the last three words. "I need you, too, Kaoru," he mumbled, his voice hoarse from sleep.

Kaoru gasped softly, not even knowing Die was awake, much less that he could feel the words being written on his back. He slid his arm around Die's waist, sidling up against his back and kissing his shoulder, splaying his fingers to lace them with Die's. "...I'll stop. For you, I'll stop." He pressed his nose against Die's neck, breathing in. "I'd do anything for you."

Die let out a soft 'hmm' and then yawned widely. A moment later, he sniffed and settled down again. "Better," he murmured.

Kaoru managed to laugh at that. "I will. It won’t be perfect, but I will. I'd die before I lost you." He squeezed Die steadily harder, like he was afraid to let go. "I'll kick this, and we'll find a place, and it'll be you and me. ...How does that sound?"

Die let out a smaller yawn and then nodded. "Sounds nice," he mumbled, still sleepy. He squirmed a little.

Kaoru hummed a little, cupping against Die's back. "Do you want to go get some stuff from your place? I need to go to the grocery store, too, we can go together and we'll get you set up here. I... I don't know if you want to go ahead and give notice to your landlord, but... I mean, at least for a week or two, just having you here with me will help, and you can decide then if... this is really something you still want to do."

Die nodded a little, shifting. "I can go get some of my stuff, but trust me, we'll need more time to pack and move my shit." Another wince and then he grunted. "Needa piss."

Kaoru rolled onto his back to let Die get up and head to the bathroom. "I just mean get enough of your stuff you can live here for a while, and then hopefully we can find a place within a month so you're not out on cash and only have to really move once."

Die nodded a little as he got up, heading to the bathroom and pushing down his boxer briefs, plopping on the toilet and starting to pee. He glanced down at his underwear, only then remembering he'd been wearing a pantie liner to sop up his body's aroused mess. Quickly, he pulled it off, rolled it up and wadded it in toilet paper before tossing it in the trash can.

Kaoru stayed in the bed, rubbing his temples. His head ached and he still felt a little jittery. By the end of the day, the physical symptoms would ease up for a few days, and then he knew hell would start. He prayed he could withstand it and hold out, for Die's sake. "Babe, I've got some Advil in the cabinet in there, will you please bring it to me?"

Die finished peeing, wiping, flushing, and then tugging his boxer briefs back into place. After washing his hands, he dug out the Advil, taking two from the bottle and filling Kaoru's little glass with water. He brought them to his lover, handed them off, and then went to get his bag that had his toothbrush and whatnot in it.

Kaoru took them with a little smile of thanks, lying back down with the empty glass against his chest. After a moment he rolled to the edge of the bed and got up, going to comb the tangles out of his hair and start brushing his teeth, stepping to the side of the sink to make room for Die. He still looked sleepy and sort of like he was hungover, leaning with one sharp hip on the counter.

Die grunted a little, brushing his teeth and then washing his face and combing his hair. He applied a little eyeliner and then took his junk and his bag back into the bedroom, rooting around and putting on another liner, then putting on his clothing from the night before, the cute red outfit making him look probably more girly than he usually did, but he didn't really care right then. It was red and he loved red.

Kaoru walked around his room sleepily, pulling on a worn pair of jeans and a dark tank top. Turning to Die, he looked him over, pinching his chin. "You haven't kissed me in two weeks," he said, trying to make it seem casual. Honestly, he wouldn't ask for a kiss, because he would not be surprised Die was still too mad to oblige him.

Die was midway through digging for his hair gel when Kaoru told him he hadn't kissed him. He frowned a little, finding the little square container. Studying him for a minute, he swallowed a little, then stepped over to him, pressed a quick kiss to his lips and then moved back to the bathroom to start trying to spike his hair, though it was getting almost too long to manage. 

Kaoru frowned at the short kiss, feeling like Die hadn't wanted to do it. He stood rubbing his arm for a minute, then went to sit out on the porch and smoke a clove while he waited for Die to get ready, trying to shake the self-pity, knowing he'd earned himself any coldness he was receiving from his lover.

Die finished with his hair, fussing one last little bit and then washing his hands and putting away the little jar. He stuffed everything back in his little bag and then went back to the front with it, poking his head out on the porch. "I'm ready," he murmured.

Kaoru nodded, un-tucking himself from the bench and walking back through the apartment. "We'll take my car, more room."

Die nodded a bit and headed to the front, slipping on his flip-flops. "So... like... how much stuff should I actually bring?"

Kaoru shrugged, slipping on some shoes. "Just... clothes for work and whatever, laptop, I guess, tooth brush and toiletries, ya know. Whatever you think you'd need to spend a week here, and then we'll just... play it by ear from that point."

Die nodded a bit and then coughed, wincing a little as he barely covered it with his hand. "Alrighty."

Kaoru rubbed his back, going out of the apartment and locking the door, then offering the keys to Die, asking in a quiet voice, "Do you mind driving? I'm still a little shaky..."

Die took the keys from him without a word, heading for the stairs and then out to the parking lot where Kaoru's car was parked, Die's right next to it. He unlocked it and slid inside, putting his bag in the back floorboard before he buckled up and started the engine.

Kaoru got in, sort of tucking in on himself in the seat. He knew it was his own fault, but something about usually affectionate and sweet Die chilling him out like that was really getting to him. He tried to shake it and tell himself it would get better as he did, once Die saw he was really making an effort and not just saying he was going to quit, but in the back of his mind, he was terrified that his lover wouldn't ever really be able to get over what Kaoru imagined was probably a lot of anger and betrayal, and fear. After all, Die was taking a huge risk, still moving forward with him. He only hoped he was strong enough to not disappoint him anymore.

Die forced himself to concentrate on only driving, not bothering with anything else. It was enough that his thoughts weren't letting him think about anything except the 'what ifs'. There was so much risk associated with this, with continuing forward like nothing had happened. Except... that something had and he knew he was acting just like it had.

Once the arrived at his place, he parked the car as close as possible, grabbed his bag and glanced over at Kaoru. "Coming?"

Kaoru nodded, getting out and walking into the building and elevator with Die, arms crossed tightly over his chest, that weird feeling like he was freezing cold settling over him. He knew he could block it out, but dammit, it was hard. Silent, he just followed after Die, taking his shoes off when they were in the apartment and looking around a little. "Just tell me what to carry." His usual deep voice, the rumble that carried, was a quiet thunder now, somehow meek.

Die just walked right on in, not taking off his shoes. He glanced around, making a face. "Uh..." he pointed at the closet, "there's a couple boxes in there. Tape them up with the packing tape - should be on the top shelf - and we'll start filling them.

That said, he moved off to the bedroom, starting to toss clothing and shoes out onto the bed. "Bring one in here when you're done!"

Kaoru did as he was told, having to fight a little with one box, making comical little grunting sounds and finally getting it to cooperate, taping the bottom up and taking it into the bedroom, setting it on the bed before going to tape up the others.

Die grabbed the box and shoveled in his clothing and shoes, making sure to grab socks and underwear while he was at it. He got the box completely stuffed and started rooting through the bottom of his closet, accidentally bumping into the box of DO NOT TOUCH items and making it fall over. He let out a cry of dissatisfaction, trying to shove things back in before Kaoru came to investigate.

Kaoru heard a thud and then a little cry from Die, going into the bedroom with a little frown on his face. "Baby, what's--" He stopped, watching Die shove all the toys and porn DVDs back into the box. He couldn't help but smirk a little. "Do I even want to ask?"

Die flushed brightly, ducking his head. Sometimes he really cursed that he'd cut his hair off because now he had nothing to hide behind when situations likes these cropped up. He shook his head a little, pushing them all back in again and then grabbing the last remaining items from the floor: his packer, TravelMate, and a red double-ended dildo. He tossed them in and closed the box again, trying to make the tape stick. But the huge DO NOT TOUCH letters weren't something he could exactly hide. He grabbed the pair of sandals he'd been trying to find into the box of clothing and left the closet, blushing madly.

Kaoru stood just inside the door, the pieces slowly clicking together. He felt like... such an ass. After Die had huffed off with the sandals, he went to the closet, popping open the box and reaching in, taking the packer and stand-to-pee device and laying them on top of the box of clothes, leaving the room again without saying a word, going to tape up more boxes.

Die took out the plastic bags from under the sink in the bathroom and pretty much started clearing counters and shelves into them. He didn't intend on leaving anything there since he didn't really have useless things in his bathroom. Once that was done, he tied up the bags and came back out, going to drop them in the top of the clothing box, but he paused, staring down at what had magically appeared in his box. Kaoru's doing, he was sure. With a sigh, he shoved the bags in on top, kind of wilting a little as he started to dig through dresser drawers to make sure he'd got everything he needed.

Kaoru brought the finished boxes into the bedroom, setting them on the bed and standing out of the way until he was told to do something else, wanting to ask why Die's packer and TravelMate had been in that box. He didn't particularly think the idea of Die depriving himself like that was the best thing ever, but he certainly didn't agree with the things that substituted for the male parts he wasn't born with getting lumped into that category. He pushed his hair behind his ear nervously, biting on his lip.

Die finished with his room, his jewelry packed into a little wooden chest and his counters mostly clear and his drawers nearly empty.

He put that in and then closed up the first box. It left his room almost barren, the bedding, box of sexual items, and some random junk left. It was kind of sad that his entire bedroom and bathroom life could fit into one packing box, but he supposed at least it was a giant box and not some microwave sized one.

He grabbed two of the other three boxes and headed for the living room. "Will you grab the full box? I'd lift it, but I'm still on no lifting for a month."

Kaoru nodded, getting his arms under the box and was glad that Die had walked out, because he promptly lifted it several inches, and then fell over on top of it. Grumbling, he put a little more effort into it and went to set it on the floor by the door, wondering after he'd put it down how in the hell he was going to pick it back up.

Die - on the other hand - was wandering around the living room, adding DVDs, CDs, and other random shit to the box. He figured he'd just get it as barren as possible without actually taking electronics and the like. The only thing like that he picked up was his laptop, putting it in its case along with his external hard drive and other computer shit. Then he was off to the kitchen with the last box, shoving in all the food items and some of his dishes and whatnot that Kaoru didn't have. His booze collection went in to the special carrying case he had designed for it and then he dug out the dolly from under the kitchen cabinet, putting the kitchen box on it and wheeling it into the living room.

Kaoru watched how efficiently his lover boxed up his life, not sure if he admired the trait or found it a little sad. He wondered briefly if he could be packed away in one of those boxes, too, or if he'd end up getting left to sit alone with the microwave. He knew for now, Die coming to live with him was a good sign, but he wondered how long that neon would burn "no" in front of the metaphorical vacancy sign on his heart.

It wasn't long before Die had made another round of the house, finding his bills and shit and putting that it its own cloth grocery sack and then his little Venus Fly Trap plant. It was young still, but it kept the flies away from his fruit, so he had been rather tenderly loving it for a while now. He appeared back in the living room. "Okay... I think we're good."

Kaoru looked at all of the stuff and nodded, hefting the box with Die's clothes and bathroom stuff up again with a groan, looking rather pitiful. He'd lost a lot of his strength with the weight, too. He then looked helpless at the closed door and back at Die.

Die pointed at the hand cart. "Put it there. No point in breaking your back." He pushed off the dishes one and let Kaoru put the clothing on the bottom. Kaoru could lift the dishes to the top so they wouldn't break.

Kaoru did so, putting the kitchen box on top of the heavy clothes one, sighing with relief to not be carrying that thing into the elevator and out to the car. He looked at the other boxes. "Two trips?" That seemed like the best plan of action.

Die nodded a little, "Yeah." He shouldered the bags he could manage and made sure he had the keys to the car and the apartment. He opened the door and headed toward the elevator.

Kaoru wheeled the cart, closing the apartment door behind himself. They took the elevator down and he reached over for the keys in Die's hand, hitting the button to make the trunk pop open. Pushing the dolly over to it, he lifted the two boxes in, fitting with enough room for smaller stuff behind them. He turned and put his hands out for the stuff Die was carrying.

Die moved along with Kaoru, letting him take the keys and then the bags once he was ready for them. He kept his laptop though, choosing to move that into the floorboard of the back seat. He made sure the car was locked up and then started back toward the complex. He wasn't really paying attention though and his foot hit one of the concrete bumpers marking off the parking spots. With a cry, Die went flying, landing on his hands and knees on the other side of the bumper. For a few seconds the world swam in front of him, his breath refusing to come to him, and then tears welled up and started down his cheeks as he flopped over onto his side and grabbed at his abdomen with bloody hands.

Kaoru walked behind him, watching him trip and reaching out for him with a gasp, missing the back of his shirt by an inch. He dove down on the ground, kneeling beside Die. "Oh my god, are you okay?" He reached to touch Die's back and yelped a little when he flopped over on the concrete, both at the obvious fact he was in pain, something must be wrong, and the sight, and slight smell, of blood on his scraped palms. He felt himself start to black out and he took a big breath, closing his eyes tightly. "Die... are you alright?"

Die whimpered, still holding his side. "Fucking _shit_!" he announced to the entire world before he managed to get part of his pain under control with pure will alone. "Pulled something... I think... dammit!"

Kaoru frowned, hating that he was so squeamish he couldn't even really help his lover. Panic knotted his stomach. "Like... a muscle? Or incision?" He really hoped it was a muscle. That he could deal with, and once Die's palms were washed up, he'd be okay, but if something had happened with the still healing tissues from Die's surgery, he was going to officially freak the fuck out.

Die shook his head. "Like... inside... I don't know. Fuck." With pure determination, he rolled over and forced himself to his feet. For a moment he felt really woozy, but then he managed to get going toward the building. "Just need pain meds... that's all."

Kaoru stood, too, putting his hand on Die's shoulder, opening his eyes and looking up into his face, making him stop. "Baby. Are you sure you're okay?" His eyes were filled with nothing but concern. He'd missed being able to take care of Die after the surgery, and it made him feel out of control of the situation now. He could tell if he didn't check himself soon, he was going to start having a panic attack.

Die paused, head feeling lighter and lighter by the second. After a moment, he murmured. "No, I'm not sure." Wincing, he headed for the building once more. He managed to make it inside and to the elevator before he had to catch himself against the shiny metal wall of the inside, sagging there, almost passing out from the pain.

Kaoru followed on his heels, catching Die and holding him in the elevator, his heart racing, breath coming short. His concern for Die was easily outweighing his squeamishness towards the blood on his hands. He shook slightly and just stroked his lover's back. "Do you think you can make it to the door?" he asked as the elevator opened on Die's floor.

Die tried to keep himself conscious, taking in deep calming breaths and trying to force the pain down. He nodded a little and started to try to walk.

Kaoru supported as much of his lover's weight as he could, taking him into the apartment and setting him as carefully as possible on the couch. "Where are your meds?" He was doing his best to keep calm, but his voice sounded clipped and panicked.

Die started to point to the bathroom and then stopped. He frowned. "In my bag... in the car." Fuck, he was dumb. "The one I had with me... the black one with Rock written on the side." He closed his eyes and held onto himself, trying hard not to feel like he was going to die.

Kaoru nodded and ran out of the apartment, hitting the button for the elevator, but it had already gone to another floor. He raced towards the stairs, instead, almost tripping several times and finally getting to the car, yanking open the trunk and digging through the bag, chanting, "Come on, come on, come on," before he finally found a pill bottle. And another one... He cursed and read the labels, tossing the hormones back in the bag and then running back towards the building and up the stairs, seven flights, panting and heaving by the time he got to the top. He barreled back into the apartment, all but throwing the bottle at Die and going to the refrigerator, coming back with a bottle of water.

Die sat there, his eyes squeezed closed and his mind trying to deal with overriding the pain so he wouldn't pass out. When he heard Kaoru come back, he was relieved, picking up the bottle and shaking out two, then accepting the water bottle when Kaoru got it for him. He swallowed the pills and then started playing the waiting game, hoping that this would do it.

Kaoru knelt at the arm of the couch, rubbing Die's shoulders, then remembered his hands and went to the sink, bringing back both damp and dry paper towels. "Do you have Neosporin or Bactine or something?"

Die watched Kaoru get him paper towels. He accepted the wet one and went about trying to mop his hands up. "Uh... in the box I packed that's already in the car. We'll deal with it later." The last part was said between gritted teeth while he wiped the wounds out. He'd just go soap them once he could walk without dying.

Kaoru turned away while he rubbed his hands, feeling so bad for him. "How long do they usually take to kick in?"

"Fifteen to twenty minutes," he murmured, finishing rubbing at his hands and then patting them with the dry towel. Some places were still bleeding, so he held the paper towel tight between his hands, applying pressure.

Kaoru sat down, rubbing his temples. "Fuck... I... I'm gonna go get the cart." He had to leave and get some fresh air and maybe smoke a cigarette before he actually fainted. Maybe if he took long enough, Die would be feeling better when he got back. Leaving without another word, he walked down the stairs again and went to his car, digging around for his pack of cigarettes and smoking while he sat on the curb. It calmed his nerves a little and he was able to get his breathing back to normal, though he still felt weak and shaky. With a sigh, he grabbed the cart and went back up in the elevator, re-entering the apartment and just sitting down beside Die, not looking at him, afraid to see his hands, but trying his best to be supportive while being the weak-stomached pussy he was. "Any better?"

Die took a little meditation time while Kaoru went to get his cigarette smoked and the dolly back. When Kaoru came back in, he shifted a little, seeing if his side was killing him still or not. It wasn't, thank heavens, and he nodded at Kaoru. "Yeah... much." Slowly, he got up and went to the kitchen to wash his hands and throw away the paper towels.

Kaoru just sat there for a minute, then got up and grabbed the last box with Die's DVDs and such. "I'll take this down. You rest for a little bit and try to think of anything else you might want to bring."

Die nodded at him, going to sit on the bed in the bedroom. He looked around, staring longingly at the box that told him not to touch. He sighed. He'd been deliberating giving Kaoru his porn, but that was kind of pointless now since he was going to be living there. He'd come back at some point and maybe see if he could eBay the DVDs and mags or something.

He reached over and pulled open a drawer, peering inside to make sure it was empty. It was and he shut it. Die stared at his pillows then, pulling them over and holding them. Maybe he should bring the pillow cases from his closet since there'd be extra pillows now.

Kaoru put the DVD box in the backseat and head back up, the reality that Die was moving in with him setting in, hard. He wanted to be thrilled, knew he should be, but the circumstances made him feel a like a complete and total ass, like he was uprooting Die for no apparent reason other than the fact that he was a fucking cokehead and an idiot. He paused at the door to Die's apartment, trying to hold back the urge to cry for the thousandth time that day.

Going in, he looked around, finding Die in the bedroom, and leaned against the door frame. "If you... if you have doubts about this... I'll go get everything right now and bring it back up."

Die peered up at Kaoru when he came in, holding a single bracelet that he'd found in one of the drawers. He frowned at Kaoru. "If I had huge doubts, I wouldn't be moving out of here right now."

Kaoru pursed his lips, nodding. He stepped over to the bed, standing in front of Die for a long, quiet moment. "Thank you... for this. I... It will help a lot, knowing you're counting on me. I can fuck up my own life, but... not yours."

Die stared at him for a long moment before he nodded. He was feeling a little woozy, but only from the drugs now. "I don't want you to fuck up anything, Kaoru."

He laughed a little at that. "Well, I'm not really setting out to. It's not on my list of things to do, I swear." He smiled a little and leaned down, hesitating before kissing Die's cheek. "Ready to go?"

It felt odd... even to Die. Having his lover hesitate rather than do what he wanted. But he knew he'd been giving him the cold shoulder all day and he figured it was only a natural reaction to it all. After all, he wasn't trying to be chilly toward his lover, but he was and it was more than obvious. Die stood up, nodding. "Gonna stop and get some cigarettes," he murmured. "Did you need anything?"

Kaoru nodded, heading for the door. "Yeah, we can go by Wal-Mart, I need to get groceries, and I guess one of those storage drawer... things. I'll move some of my shit out into that so you can have an actual dresser." It was symbolic, after all, wasn't it, to have a drawer or two that your lover kept their things in? He gnawed on thumbnail. "I usually go to Target, but they don't sell smokes."

Die shrugged a little, heading to the elevator with a slight limp in his step. "I'll just stop by a gas station to buy the cigarettes. We need to get my food into the fridge then take inventory on what we're missing anyway." After all, he'd dumped his fridge and cabinets into the kitchen box.

Kaoru sort of wilted, not really sure why everything out of Die's mouth was making him feel like he was being scolded. "Oh. Okay. You're right."

Die stared at him for a long minute, resting against the wall in the elevator. "Or we could just throw mine out..." he muttered. What the hell was he doing wrong now?

Kaoru blinked at him, ignoring the statement, figuring it was something Die had said that he hadn't meant for Kaoru to hear, though it hurt, figuring it was supposed to be some sarcastic, at-the-end-of-my-rope-with-you comment. He crossed his arms tight across his chest, feeling like he was very close to losing the battle against the tears, glad when the elevator opened and he practically ran through the lobby to the car, unlocking it and getting into the driver's side.

Die followed after Kaoru, glaring at the pavement as he went. When he got to where he'd fallen before, he spat on the pavement and then moved to get in the car on the passenger side, wishing he still had the strong shit for pain killers so he wouldn't be as irritated. He practically slammed the car door and yanked his seat belt on with more force than was necessary.

Kaoru jumped at the slammed door, glad the one tear that had worked its way past his lashes was on the far side from Die. He gripped the steering wheel, making himself not cry any more than that, knowing it would start a fight, or even if Die noticed, he knew he'd lose it and start sobbing. 

Die sat there with his arms around his abdomen and his dumb pillows in his lap. He felt like an asshole, but honestly he was just about to lose his grip on not starting a screaming match right then. He wanted a fucking cigarette... no... needed one before he choked a bitch. The bitch being Kaoru.

Kaoru just drove quietly back towards his apartment, stopping at a gas station and going in before Die could even unbuckle his seat belt, taking his credit card and buying two packs of Salem Menthol Lights and two packs of Camel Lights, coming back and handing Die the appropriate packs before starting off again.

When they stopped at the gas station, he reached for his seatbelt, but Kaoru was already out of the car. Die stayed put, rolling down the window a little and fishing his lighter out of his pocket.

When Kaoru handed him the packs, he immediately opened one, yanking out a cigarette and shoving it between his lips, lighting it. After half the stick, he relaxed a little, feeling less like he was going to explode into little tiny Die-shaped pieces.

Pulling up at his apartment, Kaoru got out and started with Die's computer bag and the DVD box, dreading having to climb the flight of stairs up to his apartment with the heavy box. He wasn't trying to be a dick by being so quiet, he just knew that if he said anything, he'd start to sob like an idiot.

Die had gotten through two cigarettes by the time they got to Kaoru's apartment complex. He opened the trunk and grabbed his bags, glad to find the booze still intact. He'd be needing that later since he didn't have anything but ibuprofen to kill the pain now. Fucking prescriptions running out and fucking cement bumper shit! He took out his key for Kaoru's apartment and headed for the stairs.

Kaoru was already at the top of the stairs, bracing his knee up against the wall to unlock the door and going in, taking the box and setting it by his TV, then going down to grab the kitchen box. He kept his head down, just... did what needed to be done, struggling with the clothes box and having to take a little break at the top of the stairs, but getting it in and setting it at the foot of the bed.

Die slipped inside and went to put the booze away. He waited until Kaoru had the kitchen box inside and then went to unpack it all. He was too annoyed to even care if Kaoru thought his food was better than Die's anymore. Die ate what he ate and if Kaoru didn't want to eat it, then he didn't have to. But he wasn't putting it in the trash.

He had the kitchen stuff unpacked in almost no time at all, knowing exactly what was in there and why he brought it. After breaking the box back down, he put it beside the refrigerator, not knowing what else to do with it for the time being and headed off to unpack the living room one.

Kaoru went down one last time to make sure everything was up, getting his packs of cigarettes before going up. He cleared his throat a little, about to ask if Die wanted to unpack first and then go, but decided to just shut up. It would make more sense once he was unpacked to know what all was needed.

Die just kept quiet, working quickly and efficiently, not even asking, just blending his shit in with Kaoru's. There was little point to asking since Kaoru had requested him to be here. Besides, it wasn't like he'd forget what was his anyway.

Taking the easy way out, Kaoru just went and sat on the balcony, waiting for Die to finish unpacking, or come and get him or yell at him or something. The tension needed to be broken, because the longer it went on, the more he felt like his heart was being crushed. He felt like this was one of those moments that he and Die could fall apart in, but the ball was in Die's court. Kaoru had already fucked up enough, he had no right to try and make a decision right then.

Die finished with the living room in record time and went to dive into the box in the bedroom. That mostly ended in things going in piles in front of where he thought they belonged though, because he wasn't going to invade Kaoru's drawers and closet. Those places were sacred to a person and not his to dig through. His packer and TravelMate ended up on top of the stack of clothing, Die having no idea what else to do with them for now. He'd deal with trying to bury them in some drawer later.

He broke down that box as well, leaving his bathroom stuff in the plastic bags, just sitting on the floor in the corner of the bathroom. Then he came back out and dug around in his bag, finding Kaoru's money and putting it in his pocket, keeping it separate from his own. He shoved a pack of cigarettes in his jeans and then made his way to the patio. "We can go now."

Kaoru quickly swiped away the tears, not really trying to cover up the fact that he'd been crying, quietly, just staring off over the parking lot and wondering how potentially terrible this whole idea was going to be, when he should have been so thrilled to have Die staying with him. He stood up and just tried to act normal, just press on, nodding and going to find wherever he'd dropped his keys, finding his phone as well and heading for the door, simply leaving and going downstairs and getting in the car, waiting on Die.

Die honestly wasn't all that surprised to find Kaoru out there crying. He knew he'd been giving him the cold shoulder and honestly, he couldn't quite bring himself to the point of trying to make it better... yet. He felt like Kaoru needed to feel a part of what he had the night before. Vindictive... probably. But usually he was filled with nothing but sweetness and he felt like he'd been betrayed in a huge way by Kaoru's actions. He made his way down after Kaoru, locking the apartment up and then crawling into the car. "Target is fine," he murmured.

Kaoru nodded and sniffed, reaching to crank the engine and then stop. "...Wait. Is... is that what we've been cold-warring about? ...I like Target because it's closer and I know where everything's at." He blinked at Die, wondering if he'd caught it right in the way he lover had said that the other store was alright, that there was something in it there that had made Die mad. He was thoroughly confused.

Die wrinkled his nose, the question making him aware that Kaoru had no idea what the hell they were actually in a snit about. He sighed and shook his head. "It's not about Target. I could care less where we go. It's just... well... I know I don't buy the top of the line foods or anything, but that doesn't mean my milk and orange juice and eggs and shit taste any different from yours. I paid for it and that may not mean much, but I wasn't about to let it all ruin in the car while we spent two hours buying more of what I already have."

Blinking, Kaoru turned to Die, listening. "I--" He worked his mouth a little more. "Baby, I'm not... I'm not saying that, when did--" He shook his head. "Never mind. That's not... I never meant to give that impression, I'm sorry."

Die frowned as he listened to Kaoru talk. How had they gotten their wires so crossed? Maybe... maybe Kaoru had just forgotten about the food... or maybe not seen him pack it. Who knew? He sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair, nodding a bit.

Sighing, Kaoru started the car and drove over to the Target. He also liked it because there was a fresh market with local growers in the back of the parking lot most weekends, today being no exception. He parked and got out, smelling peaches already, even though the stands and tables with the fruit were way off on the other side of the lot.

Once they were out of the car at Target, Die reached over and grabbed Kaoru's hand, lacing his fingers with his lover's, a little wave of sadness coming over him. Was he really being an ass to his lover?

Kaoru felt Die's hand slip into his and a glimmering, golden ray of sunshine seemed to warm him. He reached and held Die's hand in both of his, leaning his hand on his lover's shoulder for a minute. He felt so relieved to have the ice break a little. Flipping his hair out of his eyes with a shake of his head, he reluctantly dropped Die's hand to grab a cart and pushed it past the automatic doors, hit with the smell of bread and crab salad and baked goods. His stomach rolled and he grabbed it, looking at Die. "I just realized I haven't eaten since Friday... can I have a dollar so I can go buy a soda real quick? I just need to get my sugars back up before I keel over."

Die watched Kaoru get the cart, stuffing his hands in his pockets since Kaoru's were busy with the rolling contraption. When Kaoru asked about a dollar for a soda, he pointed at a little sample thing of cookies. "Get one of those and I'll go buy you a soda. What kind?"

Kaoru looked at the cookies, sort of bug-eyed. He honestly looked like a coke-head coming down. He was too skinny, his eyes were still a little wide and glassy, his hands were shaking, and he was staring at the cookies like he was about to tear open a package of them and eat them all in three bites, which was really what he was thinking. "Um... I don't care, Pepsi?"

Die stared between Kaoru and the cookies, sighing and grabbing two of the sample cookies, shoving them into Kaoru's hand and then retreating to the vending machine. He became suddenly quite aware that he hadn't eaten in a while either and when he got to the pop machine, he paid for two Pepsi's and cracked one open on the way back, downing a good half of it before he ever got back to Kaoru. He opened the second one and passed it to his lover.

Kaoru ate the cookies, trying not to inhale them. When Die came back with the soda, he opened it and sucked down nearly all of it in one go, sighing happily. "Thank you." He burped a little and started pushing the cart around the bakery, eyeballing cheeses and breads, contemplating what he was going to try this week. He liked to keep his diet varied so he didn't feel like he was eating the same thing over and over again.

Die just kept quiet, sipping at his soda and following Kaoru around. He was wondering what they were going to do with the clothing arrangements. There was one dresser he owned that if he took the screws out, it would collapse and fit in the backseat of his car. But he had no idea what to do about his clothing that needed to hang up. Kaoru's closet was jammed full and he wasn't about to ask his lover to move shit around. He kind of felt like he was displacing Kaoru's life already, just by adding his stuff to the shelves.

Thinking on it a bit more, he finally decided he'd get a little spring bar to put up somewhere to hang the stuff that absolutely had to be hung up. And besides that, he'd get a Rubbermade tub to put his shoes in and put it in a corner somewhere. Whatever he could do to make Kaoru not be annoyed with him needing space in things that obviously had no space.

Kaoru went down the market section aisle by aisle, taking things off the shelf that he needed, some that he was simply tempted by, looking back at Die and frowning a little. "Baby... you can put stuff in the cart."

Die glanced up when Kaoru voiced the affectionate name, nodding a little at the statement. He gave a little shrug. "I kind of already spent my food budget for the rest of the month."

Kaoru made a little face. "Did I ask you if you had money?" He reached and slipped his arm around Die's waist, hugging him a little. "I'm paying today."

Die leaned into the touch, really needing it right then. He could still feel a dull throb in his side and on top of that, he felt kind of woozy still. With a little sigh, he gave in, nodding. "Alright."

Kaoru managed a weak smile, pushing the cart around to the aisle with rice, looking at all the different kinds, tapping his lip with his forefinger. He reached up and grabbed a box of Parmesan rice, looking at it skeptically, but putting it in the cart, anyway. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"

Die looked around the aisle they were on, still not adding anything to the cart. He wanted some of the fruits from the thing outside and maybe a bag of sour cream and onion chips, but other than that, he didn't really have a list in his head since what he usually had was all in Kaoru's fridge and cabinets now. "Um... something easy?"

Kaoru gave a little nod, pushing the cart around to the meat section, looking at a package meant for kabobs with onion and carrots and both beef and chicken. He pointed to it. "I could make that with some rice?"

Die stared at it for a while and then nodded. "Yeah... that looks good." He saw a little end cap of chips and quickly went over and got a bag from the shelf, bringing it back and putting it in the cart.

Kaoru nodded and picked through the packages, finding the one he thought looked best and putting it into the cart, rubbing Die's back when he returned with his chips, scratching gently with his nails through the other's shirt. He hated being deprived of affection from Die, and it was making him very touchy-feely, now that the icy wall had lowered.

Die made a tiny sound at the scratches to his back, leaning into it and just standing there, refusing to move while Kaoru gave scratches. He made a soft sound of pleasure.

Kaoru chuckled a little, leaning and kissing Die's cheek before pushing the cart down the aisle of sauces, stopping in front of the marinades. "You pick. I don't really care, I'm just hungry."

Die reached out and chose the sweet chili sauce, holding it up and showing Kaoru. "This alright?" He really liked the taste of it and the burn right after.

Kaoru nodded, taking it and putting it into the cart, going to the end of the aisle to turn the cart around to the next, but got distracted. They were just at the section where the market met the rest of the store, at the junior's clothes section. Blushing a little that he'd gotten off track by such a thing, he left the cart for a moment and went to peruse the dresses that had caught his eye; stretchy dark grey, gathered down the sides, with brass-colored pyramid studs along the hem as well as the collar, which hung off one shoulder. "...Why do I like this? ...It's because it's slutty, isn't it?"

Die arched one eyebrow at Kaoru, watching him go off toward the clothing. Shrugging a little, he followed after him with the cart, peering at the dress. He tried desperately not to even smirk, just reaching up and rubbing at his head a little. "I dunno?"

Kaoru looked around to make sure no one was watching and held it up to himself. "Should I try it on? Yuuko's wardrobe has been totally run out. It's easy to keep outfits looking fresh and customize them a little bit to make them new when I'm only doing it every other week, but doing it three nights every week for two and half months... I've caught some flack from the other girls about it. It's not really ‘drag savvy’ to reuse stuff often."

Die blinked at him, this all completely out of his element. After a moment, he shrugged. "Sure. Go for it."

Kaoru looked over at the fitting rooms and the two college-aged girls at the little desk. "God, I'm gonna look like such a faggot. ...I don't look anything like a girl right now, do I?" 

Die snorted a little. "If this were Wal-Mart, I'd tell you no one would notice."

Kaoru squared his shoulders and sighed, going over to the desk and smiling, holding up the dress and playing the _no English_ card, figuring that might give him enough distance for them not to think too much on the fact that a man was trying on a very skanky dress. They just handed him a little tag with a "1" on it and he nodded, going into a dressing room and sort of waving at Die to come over and stand and wait.

He grumbled, "Honey, I am _not_ going in People of Wal-Mart," in Yuuko's voice, going into the room and trying on the dress.

Die followed after Kaoru, settling on the little bench seat to wait on him, pulling out his cell and texting Kyo really fast. _So... I'm pretty much moving in with him. Guess it's gonna make him not want to use. Let's hope this doesn't backfire._

 

The text actually woke Kyo up, though it was usually the time he got up anyway, he was an early riser. He stared at the text for a while, finally getting his brain to work. _That's great! ...I think. I hope it works. Also, two things I meant to ask you; did you really make him sleep on the couch, and when you said he wanted to make love to you, did you, and how was it?_

Die stared at the text once he got it back, laughing softly and shaking his head. Kyo didn't hold back when he wanted to know something. Somehow that amused Die to no end as he typed out the reply. _No, I didn't make him sleep on the couch. And yes, we did... and honestly? He looked like it did something for him. But for me, it was just the same as it always is. I'm not sure if my 'love maker' is broken or if it's just that I never just fuck._

Kyo flopped over on his stomach, typing a text back, his eyes bleary from sleep. _:( You say that like it wasn't any good. ...I mean, did you at least feel special? Emotionally, was it different?_ He wanted to know both as a friend, and because he himself had never had an opportunity for the experience, though he got the impression that he and Kaoru were wired much more similarly than he and Die.

In the dressing room, after a few minutes of shifting the dress around and trying to imagine it with his fake tits and maybe even hip pads, Kaoru finally peeked his head out of the door. "Psst! Die! C'mere!"

 _I don't mean it wasn't special. It's just that it's never not special with Kaoru. It's not like I'm fucking him because I want a quick fix and then I'm going to walk off and leave him in the bathroom stall._ He huffed out a puff of air and then sent another message. _I mean... I guess it was a little different because he was like all AHHHHHH~NNNNN and lost in it and shit? God. Why do I feel like an asshole?_ He hit send just as Kaoru called for him. He flipped the phone shut and moved back toward the dressing room Kaoru was in. "What's up?"

Kyo smirked. _I didn't say was *it* special, I asked if *you* felt special. And have you ever told him that's what sex is like for you? Maybe he doesn't know your baseline is already really attached?_

Kaoru stepped out of the dressing room, biting his lip shyly. The dress was a bit too big on him across his chest and hips, but made his legs look like pure sex. He rose up on his toes like he was wearing heels and looked back at his own ass in the mirror, which the dress barely covered, the collar slung low over his right shoulder. "Imagine it with boobs, and some hip padding... does it look kind of expensive? Like, with the right accessories, would it be glamorous, or does it look like it's twenty bucks?" He didn't really know why he was asking Die, he really just needed an opinion, but he was also a little curious to tap into any knowledge his lover might retain to his days of living as a woman.

Die stared at his lover, his phone making a little sound in his palm, letting him know Kyo had replied. His cheeks puffed out a little and he shook his head. "To be honest? I mean... it looks fine, but I don't know the first thing about something looking expensive, baby. Not in dresses, anyway."

He flipped open the phone and blushed a little, tapping out a fast response. _Um... yes? I always feel special with-_ he stopped and made a face, erasing the last line and trying again. _I guess yes. But I don't think I've been with him and not felt that way. And I don't think I really have told him flat out. I mean... that's embarrassing! Why would I just go blurting that out? "Hey, baby, did you know when we fuck, I feel nice inside?" He'd think I lost my damn mind._

He sent it and shut his phone again, giving Kaoru his attention.

Kaoru ruffled his hair, giving himself slut eyes in the mirror. "I think I'll get it..." Briefly, he took a step back, still up his toes, and grabbed Die's hips, grinding his ass against his lover's dick, taking advantage of the fact Die wouldn't have to walk around the store with a hard on if he liked it. Yuuko simply wouldn't allow him not fondling his lover in such a short skirt. Popping back into the dressing room, he started to change into his usual clothes.

Die's eyes went wide when Kaoru rubbed against him like that. He was glad the dressing room door closed because he literally had an 'oh god, fuck, I'm horny' face on when he glanced in the mirror. Carefully resetting his face, he felt kind of ashamed that so little had made him so... bad. Dumb... so dumb. Sometimes he wanted to not take the hormones at all.

Kyo read the text from Die three times. _Tell him. The whole point of making love is to let the other person knows you really care about them. I mean, not like regular sex isn't that too, but regular sex is sort of equal to going to the movies or something.... something fun you do together because you love each other, but... I don't know. I just think you should tell him._

He moved back to sit next to the cart, reading Kyo's text with a slightly perplexed face. He supposed Kyo was right. Sometimes sex was like... a date. Maybe. Kind of. He looked even more confused. Okay, so maybe the first time they'd done it, it hadn't been like the rest. But that was just because they didn't know each other real well yet. _But what if I'm wrong? What if I still don't know what making love is? What if he says I don't know and hates me for it? Because if I tell him this, then he'll know that the other night wasn't some huge new thing for me._

Kyo had finally rolled out of bed after the last text and sort of scoffed at it. _Don't let it be like that... just, the next time you have sex, tell him how it feels for you, emotionally. I think he'd appreciate that._ He then thought about the fact that they'd probably be having angry makeup fucking soon. _Sex, not fucking._ There, that would help, right?

Die read the first text and was about to respond when the second came in. He snorted softly and hit reply. _I feel like I'm going to explode, Kyo. I want sex so bad... hell, I just want something... anything. But I don't even know where to start... or if I should. I feel like I'd just be using him to get off and I don't want that._ He sighed, hitting send.

Kaoru put himself back together, hating that he had a lingering horniness from being unable to get off the other night in the bathroom, knowing that if Die didn't want to kiss him, surely he didn't want to fuck him. Honestly, all he could really think about right now was being bent over and fucked until he screamed. Sighing, he hung the dress over his arm and returned the little tag, going back to Die and the cart and heading back towards the food section.

When Die looked up, he saw that Kaoru was coming toward him. He stood up and pushed the cart along with Kaoru back toward foods. "So I was thinking... I could get one of those little hanging rods for the clothes that have to hang up. What do you think?"

Kaoru walked down the juice aisle, grabbing some cherry and also a bottle of fruit punch. "You don't have to; I was actually going to move all of my Yuuko stuff into that storage closet by the bathroom so you'll have space." He paused before pressing on. "That, and this will give me an excuse to finally get rid of all the shit Seung left behind."

Kyo considered the text Die had sent him and then finally replied. _He kind of owes you booty for slipping up. Makeup sex is the best, I've heard. I say go for it, it's a good way to alleviate frustration and then maybe you guys will be more relaxed around each other. Plus, I hear coke makes you horny. He's probably hurting for it, too._ Kyo set the phone down and shrugged at his little advice column to Die, brushing his teeth tiredly.

Die bit his lip a little, choosing to answer Kaoru first. He shrugged a little. "I don't mean to displace you, Kaoru... I could use the storage closet. It's fine with me. I mean... a closet is a closet... right?"

He flipped open his phone then, reading what Kyo had typed out. He made a little face and then typed back. _Angry sex... heh. We'll see. Talk at ya later, shopping right now._

Kaoru stopped, giving Die a little sigh and reached to squeeze the back of his neck. "Baby, I _want_ you there, I want you to be in my life, not just staying with me. It won’t take long at all, and... I told you I'd get rid of all my stuff from Seung, and I need to for me, anyway. I put it all away years ago and have been too fucking mad about it to even touch it, but... when we get home, it's going out. All of it. As much as I hate throwing away pictures, they're all gone."

Die gave him a little pouty look. "If you're sure," he murmured quietly. Honestly, this was why he hadn't wanted to just move in with Kaoru or have Kaoru move in with him. In his mind, he was invading on Kaoru and that made things feel awkward. He reached out and gently pushed his arm around Kaoru's waist.

He sighed and put his arms around Die's neck, kissing his cheek. "It's just temporary, baby. Just so we can be together until we get our own place. I really think all our problems these past few months is because I've been working so much and we were apart. I don't feel right without you."

He let go and started pushing the cart again, trying not to get all teary-eyed.

Die nodded a little, his hands on Kaoru's hips for a moment before the other moved away from him. "Yeah... maybe so. I feel lonely without you." He ran his hand through his hair. "I thought maybe instead of spending money on a dresser, I'd just bring the one that I can unscrew and collapse. It'd be easy, right?"

Kaoru looked through crackers, debating rosemary or cracked pepper Triscuits. "Maybe. Do you think I could lift it myself?"

"It comes apart. It'll be fine. I can even carry parts of it."

Kaoru nodded, putting a box of cracked pepper Triscuits in the cart. "Okay. We'll go back by your place when we leave here, then." He pushed the cart to the dairy section, getting some sliced pepper jack and a dozen eggs before doing over his mental list. "I think that's everything. Did you need anything else?"

Die shifted around a little. "A tub for my shoes... and I was looking at the fruit in the parking lot."

Kaoru thought about it for a minute. "I've got a… a what do you call 'em," he made hand gesture indicating a square box, "a thing... yeah, like a tub. I've only got some CDs in it, I think, I can move those and you can use that box if you want."

Die gave a little nod. "Okay," he hoped that would work. He bit his lip a little and then headed toward the cheeses again. Almost embarrassed, he picked up a cheap package of swiss cheese, checking the price and then the amount. It was the type that tasted more like rubber than anything else. With a little pout, he put it back. It was too much anyway, even being probably half plastic.

Kaoru breezed by, pinching Die's ass and then taking a package of Sargento baby Swiss off the rack, putting it in the cart, just humming as he kept heading towards the check out. Once there, he stood at the front of the cart, waiting until he could put down a little bar and start placing all of his and Die's things on the conveyor belt, looking up at his lover. "Did you bring my debit card?" He had his credit card with him, but it would be much easier to just put it on his bank card now rather than use the bank card to pay off the credit card later.

Die gasped softly at Kaoru's pinch and watched him put the Swiss in the cart. Of course. He felt spoiled. He padded after him, helping unload parts of the cart and then nodding, digging out Kaoru's wallet and handing it over.

Pushing the cart over to the other side of himself, Kaoru put the bags in as they were loaded, swiping his card and paying before handing his wallet back to Die and heading out to the car, putting the bags into the trunk and the cart at the nearest corral. He put both of his hands in the back pocket of his jeans and looked at Die. "You still want to look at the local stuff, right?" He took a few steps towards the other end of the parking lot.

Die followed along with him, quiet the entire way. Once outside, he lit a cigarette and helped put things in the car. He nodded a little when Kaoru asked about the local foods. He took Kaoru's hand and started off toward the other end of the parking lot. "I was thinking some fixings for salad to go with the kabobs?"

Kaoru nodded, squeezing Die's hand back, hard, the physical act of holding onto him making his emotional fight to not let Die go a physical one. He walked close to him, nodding. "Yeah." He grabbed a little wicker basket and started around the tables, some with onions and leeks, which he grabbed to make soup later on in the week, some with peaches and blackberries and carrots. The cucumbers and tomatoes caught his attention for the salad, and then he noticed a whole table full of crates of figs, giving an excited gasp. "Yes! I love figs!" The older woman behind the table laughed at him a little. "They've got too short a span every year where you can get them fresh."

Die followed along, watching what Kaoru put in the basket, then adding in a tiny crate of raspberries and then some bananas and picked out some lovely romaine and green leaf lettuce. He plucked up a few tomatoes and a cucumber. Then he added little baggies of almonds and sunflower seeds.

Kaoru watched him, smiling. "I love that you eat like... real food. Every other boyfriend I've ever had was always meat-and-potatoes and fast food and soda-oriented. It's nice to have a man passionate about vegetables that aren't on top of a pizza."

Die pulled a face. "Dude... you don't stay thin that way. You stay nice and lumpy if that's all you eat." He made a face and tossed in a red cabbage.

Kaoru laughed and shook his head. "Nuh uh! Skinny Asian boy metabolisms, man, they burn it right back off!" In the back of his mind, he noted Die mentioning weight and staying thin again and his heart broke a little. He reached over and hooked his pinky with Die's. "You know you'd still be perfect to me, no matter what you looked like, right?"

Die blushed a little and gave a tiny nod. Kaoru wasn't the problem; Die's own mental being was. "I know," he murmured. He picked up a kiwi. "Awesommeeeeeee," he drawled out.

Kaoru snickered a little at Die's apparent fascination with the furry fruit. He took two more from the table and put them in the basket and then headed towards the "register", which was really just a young girl sitting under a big cowboy hat, looking hot and bored, manning the cash box. He looked over at Die. "Anything else you want?"

Die pulled two freezer pops out of the little bin next to her; one in banana and the other in pineapple. He waved them at the girl. "These too."

Kaoru reached into Die's pocket for his wallet, taking out the cash and paying the girl, getting to keep the basket for a dollar instead of bagging the fruit and vegetables up when they were already fine like they were. He took Die by the belt loop and dragged him playfully back towards the car, slinging an arm around his waist. He was feeling giddy now, his mood much improved by Die opening up to him again, but he also knew it was just part of the roller coaster of coming off coke, and he wasn't looking forward to the plunge.

Die let out a soft gasp as he was hauled along with Kaoru, grinning stupidly while they moved together back to the car. Once they were there, he shoved both popsicles at Kaoru. "Choose one." He liked both flavors, so it didn't matter to him which one Kaoru took.

Kaoru pulled open the door and set the basket in the floorboard of the back seat, turning around to the popsicles stuck in his face. He wasn't really sure what was to be said about him that his immediate reaction was to suck on one of them, but he didn't. Instead, he grabbed Die around the waist and tugged him close, grabbing his ass and looking at the two flavors, contemplating before snagging the pineapple one.

Die smiled happily, handing him the pineapple flavored popsicle. It was odd how simply having a little plan in his head could turn his mood around so drastically. But, then again, he was kind of simple to please usually. He slipped into the car and buckled up, opening his popsicle and starting to suck on it.

Kaoru smirked at him, going around to the driver's side and getting in, sucking on the frozen pineapple flavored treat as he drove towards Die's house to get the dresser. He chuckled a little. "It makes me feel like a little kid again, eating these."

He nodded. "Yeah... sometimes I like feeling like a child."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, biting off a bit of the frozen treat and sliding it up the plastic tube with his teeth, sucking on it. "We should find a playground to sneak into at night. I have to admit, I still love see-saws and swings."

He laughed softly, shaking his head a little. "It's fun actually. Swings at night are tons of fun."

Kaoru smirked, finishing the Popsicle and sucking the rest of the liquid out of the wrapper, throwing it away in the little trash bag he kept in the floorboard of his car. Another minute later and he was pulling up in front of Die's apartment again, getting out and going around and opening the door for Die.

Die finished off his as well, getting out of the car when Kaoru had opened his door for him. He got out and stuffed his hands in his pockets, heading for the apartment lobby.

Kaoru followed, staring at Die's long legs and tiny little ass, slipping his arm around his lover's waist as they rode up in the elevator. His mind wandered and he hugged Die a little closer. "I'm really happy we're doing this," he said in a quiet voice. "I... I've kind of been daydreaming what it would be like, you coming home to me after work, waking up to you every morning. It's nice."

Die slid one hand out of his pocket and gently squeezed Kaoru close to him. After a moment, he let go and exited the elevator, heading down the hall and opening his apartment. "I really hope this works out... I really do."

**To Be Continued**


	32. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan

When they arrived at Die’s apartment, the redhead hadn’t bothered taking off his shoes, his own home not being shoes-free zone. He glanced back at Kaoru, not having heard any response from him since he’d last spoken.

Kaoru pursed his lips, frowning. He stepped into the apartment after Die, kicking off his flip-flops. "I know it's hard to trust me right now, Die, but I want to be with you more than anything else in the world."

Die shook his head a little. "I just want it to work out, Kaoru... that's all I'm saying." He moved to the hall closet and pulled out a bag of tools, then headed to the bedroom. He removed the dresser drawers and then tipped the dresser, starting to unscrew it.

Kaoru fell quiet, going into Die's room and looking around at how it felt so empty, then knelt on the other side of the dresser to see if he could help, definitely not the type that was good with tools or knew how the dresser worked.

Die looked up at him, brushing back the little bit of hair that was just long enough to fall into his eyes. He unscrewed the side panel and then handed it over to Kaoru. "You look... worried?"

Kaoru took the piece and set it on the floor beside him, shaking his head with a nervous little chuckle. "I'm not really the tool type," he explained.

Die chuckled softly. "It's okay. I'll take it apart and put it back together. Don't worry about it." He smiled softly, taking off another panel and then pulling the rest apart from the grooves.

Kaoru blushed. "You really are the manly one in this relationship." He waited to see which way was easiest to stack all the disassembled pieces and carry them out. "Do you wanna idiot check while we're here? Make sure you aren't forgetting anything?"

Die nodded slightly as he laid all the pieces in stacks. "Yeah, I probably should."

Kaoru took the stacks and put them by the door, going back to get the drawers. "Oh, oh, don't forget to turn off your AC and everything, too, so you're not paying the electric while you're not here."

"Ah, yeah, good plan." He moved around the apartment, finding a couple of things, just little stuff. At long last, he opened the closet and stared in. A blush spread across his cheeks and he closed the doors, heading into the bathroom, peering in the drawers.

Kaoru waited, trying to restack the pieces of the dresser to make them easier to take down in one load. "You ready, baby?"

Die came back to Kaoru, nodding a little. "Yeah, I think so."

Giving a nod, Kaoru opened the door and picked up everything but the drawers, slipping on his flip-flops and heading down to the car, unlocking it with the remote and carefully reaching down to open the door, leaning in and putting the pieces in the back seat, going back up to help Die get the drawers.

Die waited on Kaoru to come back and then put the few things he'd found lying around in one of the drawers, picking it up and carefully moving to wait on Kaoru in the hallway, his door still open.

Kaoru pecked his cheek as he went in and got the other drawers, swinging the door shut behind him and waiting on Die to lock up before going towards the elevator. His stomach growled. "I can't wait to get home, I'm starving!"

Die made a little sound at the kiss on his cheek. "Yeah... me, too," he murmured softly. Though honestly, his hunger wasn't really for food anymore. Kyo's little idea of make-up sex was something he couldn't take his mind off of.

Putting the drawers in the back seat with the rest of the dresser, Kaoru went around to the driver's side and cranked the car, pulling _The Fame Monster_ from the CD holder on his visor and cranking it, _Bad Romance_ blaring through the speakers. He looked at Die with a little blush. "Sorry, I had a craving." He shrugged a little and backed out of the space, lip-syncing as he drove towards his apartment. It was always hard to shake Yuuko's infectious attitude, and he found it hard that a personality that was obviously in him was so sexy and confident, when he often felt quite the opposite.

Die just smiled at him, shrugging a little and lighting a cigarette. He licked his lips, feeling a bit parched, shifting slightly every few minutes in his seat. After a while, he held his cigarette over to him, trying to offer him some.

Kaoru had escalated to hand movements and rolls of his hips in the seat by the time _Alejandro_ started playing, looking at the offered cigarette and leaning over, taking a drag and making sure Die watched as he pulled away, licking his bottom lip slowly and then blowing the smoke back out, turning his attention back to the road. He smacked a little, the cigarette one essential component to the taste of Die's mouth, the taste he always seemed to have on the back of his tongue, the one that calmed him when he could savor it from the original source.

Die shifted again in his seat, eyes discreetly on Kaoru the entire time. When he took the next drag from his cigarette, he lightly pulled his tongue over where Kaoru's mouth had been. It wasn't even noticeable to anyone but him, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

Pulling up beside Die's car, Kaoru killed the engine, popping the trunk to take the groceries in first, gathering up as many bags as possible and heading up, humming. He could almost pretend Die wasn't moving in with him because he'd fucked up and started using again, but at the back of his mind, he knew this wasn't all sweetness and only happening just because they loved each other. He blocked that out of his mind for now, though. His tactic with recovery both previous times had been firm denial, and it would help this time to have Die there, to have someone to help give him hope and a reason to stay clean.

Die finished up his cigarette by the car, watching Kaoru take up an armload of groceries. Once he was done, he put the remaining bags and the fruit basket into one of the drawers and tested picking it up. It didn't pull too badly and so he hefted it up and headed for Kaoru's apartment.

Kaoru caught him at the door, scolding him lightly and taking the drawer from him, setting it on the kitchen table. "You're not supposed to be lifting!" He patted Die's ass and went down to get the rest of the dresser, managing to grab all of it, and locking up the car. He then put all of the pieces of the dresser in the little space between his main dresser and the wall before going to start unloading the groceries and putting them away. Once that was done, he rinsed some rice and put it in the rice cooker, taking out a bowl and filling it with the marinade, turning to Die as he opened the kabob packages. "I was going to cut them up into small pieces and do sort of a stir-fry thing, is that okay? They'll cook faster that way."

Die gave up the drawer, blushing lightly. Without doing some things, he felt incredibly useless. All the same, he didn't protest, just gave it to him. He helped put away groceries. "Yeah, that's fine with me." He smiled before he slipped out of the room, pulling his screwdriver out and moved to settle down and start putting it together, humming slightly to himself.

Once the meats and vegetables were in the marinade, Kaoru took the time before he could really start cooking to go take all of his Yuuko stuff out of his closet and move it to the storage closet. It took only three trips, as he kept everything together and could move it easily, and then came the hard part.

He stared at the few things of Seung's that were pressed way at the far side of the closet, and the box of some of his stuff and all of their love letters and photos and such beneath it. With a huff, he grabbed the box and slid it out into the bedroom, reaching back and grabbing Seung's clothes, a few shirts and a jean jacket, and tossed them on top of the box, picking it up and storming out of the room, leaving a few things like giant confetti behind. The very thought of touching his ex-lover's things was sending rage through him. He couldn't even think about the other without being filled with intense sensations of betrayal. He slammed out of the apartment and went to the dumpster, throwing it all in. There were angry tears down his face, and he felt a little regret at some of the photos that had been in that box, but he knew this was what he'd been needing to do since he'd kicked the other out.

Turning back, he went back to the apartment, feeling a little lighter and freer with each step, frowning as he picked up a few things, realizing some of the letters and photos had fallen from the box. He walked into the apartment, hoping like hell none had fallen where Die could see them.

Die was almost done when Kaoru came in and started moving things. He watched as Kaoru went storming off with a box full of what he presumed was Kaoru's ex-lover's stuff. A few papers and photos fell out behind him and when Die went to get his next stack of clothing to go into the drawers, he reached down, picking up one of the photos, tilting his head at it. It wasn't a bad photo, the pose and lighting nice. He quietly put it back down and then moved to stuff another drawer with his clothing.

Kaoru came back, picking up the little dropped things, going into the bedroom and panicking slightly at the few photos and the letter on the floor, snatching them up and tearing them into little pieces, cursing Seung under his breath as he put the ripped up bits into the trash and then wiped his eyes, washing his hands and collecting himself so he could start cooking. It felt good to finally get rid of all that shit, but at the same time, it brought back incredibly painful memories.

Die glanced up when Kaoru came in and grabbed the photos. He watched curiously for the time his lover was in the room and then went back to putting his clothing away. Once his lover was back in the kitchen, Die braved the pile that had his packer and TravelMate laying on top, picking up the entire stack and moving to the dresser, digging out a little nest for the items, then putting a few pairs of underwear on top.

By the time he was done unpacking, he was kind of shaky, unsure about his prior plan to jump Kaoru and fuck the hell out of him. What he wanted to do would have required a strap-on, but he refused to use any such item, and that left him feeling open and vulnerable rather than empowered and strong.

He thought about texting Kyo for a minute and then decided not to, not wanting to disturb the other again with something that was pretty much another problem. Shrugging a little, he started to move around, picking up the other things he needed to put away: bathroom supplies, pills, his phone charger, jewelry, etcetera.

The apartment was starting to smell delicious as Kaoru poured the marinated mixture into a hot wok, stirring it around with some sesame seeds and fresh green onions. He left it for a moment and went to find Die, leaning in the doorway. "Hey, baby, do you mind taking a break from that and come to fix the salad? Dinner should be ready in a few."

He glanced up at Kaoru and nodded. "Oh yeah, sure... sorry. I got distracted." He abandoned his jewelry and moved off toward the kitchen. He gathered up all the veggies he was going to put in the salad and started to chop things up and make a very lovely salad out of it all.

Kaoru had started playing a mix tape of hip hop and R&B while he was cooking, getting silly and bumping his hip with Die's, feeling so pleasantly normal to be making dinner with him like this. He smiled at the salad, looking over his lover's shoulder. "Looks good, baby. I think we're done." He turned the heat off of the stir-fry, opening up the rice cooker and fluffing the plump grains.

Die puffed out his cheeks, turning to look and then smiling as he finished by putting sunflower seeds on the finished product. "Like Italian dressing?"

Kaoru took down two plates and put rice onto them, patting down a little basin in the rice and topping it with the stir-fry, then getting down bowls for the salad and setting out forks. "Yeah, that's fine," he answered to the dressing questions, getting glasses. "What do you want to drink?"

Die pulled out the Italian dressing and poured some in, starting to toss the salad, coating things with a thin layer of dressing. "Mmm... Heineken, please." He had a four pack of huge cans in the fridge from his own apartment.

Kaoru set the table and chuckled at Die's selection, grabbing two of the cans from the fridge and setting them down, waiting on Die to finish with the salad, slipping up behind him and putting his arms around Die's waist.

Die finished up, leaning back toward his lover with a slight yawn. Sniffing, he finished up and put the dressing back in the fridge, moving to serve the salad into two bowls, enough left for two more servings.

Kaoru left everything out for now, he'd put away the leftovers later. Right now he was starving. Taking one bowl, he set it next to his plate and sat down, cracking the beer, and looking at the food in front of him thankfully. He picked up his fork and dug in, trying not to make obnoxious, near sexual sounds as he chewed. "I don't know if it's good because it's good, or because my stomach was wrapped around my spine."

Die settled down with the other bowl, crossing one leg over the other and humming softly as he started sampling the food. A little smirk crossed over his lips. "It's good, I promise."

Smiling, Kaoru tried some of the salad, making a pleased sound. "This is really great, baby, thank you." He reached over and rubbed Die's hand a little before focusing on eating, filling up quickly, swigging beer as he went.

Die continued to eat until he had finished half of what was on his plates and then picked up his beer, sipping on that instead, his hand on his stomach. There was a faint unpleasant look on his face, but the more beer he drank, the less pained he looked.

Kaoru frowned at him. "Are you feeling okay?" His own stomach was a little cramped, but he knew it was because he'd gone so long without eating.

He winced a little. "Eh... just from where I pulled whatever it was earlier. I'll be fine as soon as this," he held up the beer can, "is all in me."

Kaoru pouted a little, knowing Die had taken a pain pill earlier and they had found out how well that had mixed with booze... not to mention, he wondered briefly if maybe something was still wrong with Die and the pills and booze were just covering up the pain, but maybe he really needed to see a doctor. He calmed down, though, convincing himself if something was really wrong, Die wouldn't be acting like it was just mild pain now. He went back to eating, finishing up the plate and salad, feeling stuffed. He sat back for a while, finishing off his beer, then got up and washed his plate, bowl, and silverware, tossing the beer can into his recycling bin and packing away all of the leftovers while Die finished eating.

Die didn't touch anymore of the meal though, just finishing his beer and then moving to pack his leftovers in one of the Tupperware containers he had brought with him. He tossed the can away and moved to start washing the dishes off, still feeling a little unsure of himself.

Kaoru rubbed his arm, leaning against the counter. "You don't look so hot, baby... you know how I get worried, you sure you're alright?"

He pulled a face. "I'm fine, Kaoru... really. I promise you'd be the first to know if I was just going to keel over, kay?"

Kaoru gave his lover a little pout, nodding and leaning to kiss his shoulder before grabbing a paper towel and wetting it, wiping down the counters and the table. He smiled a little. "I guess it won’t feel so special at first, I mean, we've slept over at each other's places before, but... this is our first night living together." He threw the paper towel away and leaned with one hand on the table. "What did you want to do?"

The longer Kaoru spoke, the more and more Die felt like he was being lead toward what he wanted to do and didn't have the guts to yet. Swallowing a bit, he washed the last dish off, wiped his hands on his pants and then whipped around, grabbing Kaoru around the waist and shoving him back against the counter. His mouth crashed into Kaoru's, tongue trying to shove its way inside his mouth.

Maybe it seemed out of nowhere to Kaoru... maybe he didn't care or even notice. But to Die, it was just the end result of the inevitable.

Kaoru bit his lip while he watched Die wash the last dish, waiting on an answer. He certainly wasn't expecting the one he got. His lover grabbing him like that sent chills through him, a little scary at first, and then incredibly erotic. He moaned, opening his mouth to Die, giving in. His hands came up and squeezed onto his lover's biceps, arching towards him to let him know he wanted this, that he'd take it however Die wanted to give it.

The way Kaoru moved toward him, showing him what he wanted was more than enough to encourage Die that last little bit he needed. He grabbed Kaoru harshly, yanking him with him as he stumbled down the hallway, crashing into the bedroom and shoving his lover down harshly on the bed. He yanked his top off, tossing it to the floor and then did the same with his red jeans before he moved on to Kaoru, almost ripping his clothes off. A fire burned in his eyes that hedged on something dangerous.

Kaoru didn't fight him, though the fear returned slightly when he felt just how strong Die really was. That edge of danger made his blood boil, letting himself be thrown down against the bed and helping to be undressed, panting and half-hard, tingling with anticipation. "Die..."

For almost half a minute, Die paused, hesitating at Kaoru's mention of his name snapping him out of it. After a moment though, he just went with it, unable to do much else. "Shut up," he hissed out before his mouth crashed into Kaoru's again, his body falling hard on Kaoru's. He wriggled around until he had one hand in the dresser drawer, searching for lube, and the other tightly wound in Kaoru's hair. When he pulled back, he finished what he'd wanted to say, "The only sounds I want to hear from you are cries of pleasure or pain... is that understood?" He licked the side of his face, finally snagging the lube.

Kaoru was in complete shock, but his cock was rock hard. He trembled beneath Die, trying to keep up and kiss him back. He yelped when Die tugged his hair, watching his hand, knowing the strap-on they'd bought to stay at his place was in that drawer. A low moan left him. At the question, he nodded, whimpering a little. He had no idea what to expect, had never seen Die like this. It was exciting and a little scary, being completely caught off guard like this.

Sitting back on his haunches, he popped open the lube, pouring some into his palm. His hand grasped Kaoru's dick between them, starting to tug on it harshly as he went back to kissing him like a madman.

When Die’s hand started to jerk him almost harshly, Kaoru arched his back, moaning.

Die let out a sound that was somewhere between a snarl and a moan. After a moment more of jerking him off, Die straddled Kaoru's hips, sinking down onto his cock without so much as any warning at all. He buried Kaoru's dick as far into his cunt as he possibly could, starting to rock his hips harshly, almost desperately against his lover.

Kaoru cried out when Die suddenly shifted, sinking down over him. He gripped the sheets and bucked his hips up into Die slightly, panting and looking wide-eyed at his lover, seeming so desperate for release, almost like he was angry as hell about it. He bit his lip ragged, trying to fight back the urge to let out the little dirty talk he usually used. After a few moments of Die riding him like a fucking bull, however, he couldn't stop it, groaning out his lover's name, panting, "Oh god, baby!"

The moment Kaoru said those words, Die let out a soft snarl, his hand shooting out and grabbing around Kaoru's neck. His long, slim fingers curled there, slowly constricting around his lover's throat. His touch wasn't built to truly harm, just to scare... and to make him shut up. Die wanted it clear that he was in control. Him and _only_ him. "I said," he gasped as he finally found where he wanted Kaoru's dick thrusting against, "shut," his hand tightened more, "the fuck," one hard as hell squeeze, "up." His fingers loosened enough to not harm anymore, though they still applied plenty of pressure.

Kaoru choked out a cry when Die's hand shot to his throat, cutting off his air completely for a moment while he told him to shut the fuck up. The adrenaline made his dick twitch, hips jumping up into his lover more, completely out of his control. He fought to breathe, reaching his hands up to grip the top edge of the mattress, afraid he was going to cum, or pass out, or both, and what might happen if he came before Die did, or before Die told him to.

Die had stopped paying attention to anything other than his own pleasure less than a split second after he'd told Kaoru to shut the fuck up. His body moved hard and fast over Kaoru's, fucking himself on that lovely dick just the way that pleased him the most. It wasn't but a few more twists of his hips, a sharp jerk, and then he was cumming. Die cried out harshly, his head thrown back, body arched to perfection, all long, lean lines and gently sculpted muscle. His insides throbbed, the power of the orgasm forcing tears down his cheeks as he jerked his hips a few more times, trying to ride it all out.

By the time he was done, the bed under Kaoru was drenched, his lover's crotch and his own slick with Die's release.

Kaoru watched Die over him, his vision starting to tunnel, but he didn't fight Die. He trusted him that even if he passed out, his lover wouldn't hurt truly hurt him. He felt his lover's body start to climax, clamping down on him, and he was almost there himself when he blacked out a little, coming back quickly with a start, gasping as Die's grip let up a bit, orgasm racking his body suddenly, filling his lover's passage with his hot seed. He gripped the bed and arched away from it, giving a strangled scream of pleasure.

Die let himself ride it out for as long as he could before he pretty much toppled off of Kaoru, falling to the side and just lying there with a dazed look on his face.

Risking any surprise aggression, Kaoru rolled and curled up against Die's side, nuzzling his nose against the other's shoulder. He wanted to ask if Die was satisfied, or there would be another round, but he wasn't going to speak again until it was clear they were finished and his speech restriction was lifted.

Die grunted a little in response to the touch, just shivering and closing his eyes. Right then, he was quite simply on fire. He remained quiet for a long while before he finally murmured out, "I love you," which was promptly followed by a cute little yawn.

Kaoru chuckled pleasantly at that, hugging Die to him, kissing his neck. "Mm... I think that's the quickest sex we've ever had. Feel better?" He smirked and rubbed his lover's hip, tangling their legs together.

Die gave a single nod. "Yeah... you?"

Kaoru pressed closer still, rubbing one hand over Die's stomach and then down, lazily jerking his lover off. "Yeah... but... I think you've got more in you than that." He grinned a little, rubbing his foot down Die's calf. "I've missed you pounding my ass raw. You wouldn't happen to be in the mood, would you?"

Die's hips pushed forward, toward Kaoru's giving hand, a little moan slipping out. Of course, Kaoru was right. He always had more in him when it came to sex, though he was trying hard to be okay with only once per time now. But not having had any contact with himself at all except washing off, he was incredibly pent up.

At the words, a dark flush crept across his cheeks and he closed his eyes, not knowing what to say. He wanted to... wanted to so badly. But he also didn't feel like he was supposed to be touching things like the strap-on. He gnawed his lip a little, staring down at what Kaoru's hand was doing. "I..." he didn't know what to say, just falling silent.

Kaoru stroked him slower, sucking on his lover's earlobe. "You...?" Maybe he was pushing his luck, maybe Die just needed that one go to get rid of his own pent up frustration, but really wanted nothing to do with him sexually for a while still.

Die whimpered a little, hips still pushing into Kaoru's hand. The sound made it more than clear that he still desperately wanted whatever Kaoru was willing to give him right then. One of his hands came to rest on Kaoru's arm, a girlish moan making its way out of his lips. A little pant followed and Die jerked his hips.

Kaoru tightened his grip, working Die's cock harder, used to the way his lover's lips met at the base of the little dick, and the lack of full hardness. It was all second nature to him by now, he knew Die's body almost better than his own. His teeth scraped against Die's throat, sucking the skin into his mouth, making sure he left a mark.

Another little whimper left Die as he squirmed around. Part of him felt terrible taking any pleasure from this since Kaoru wasn't getting anything in return, but another part thought this was amazing and didn't want it to stop. Still, there was that nagging knowledge that Kaoru had asked him for something and he hadn't done it yet. He bit his lip a little. Maybe... maybe he could cum this way and then use a dildo or something on Kaoru with his hand. That wasn't using it for his own pleasure, so maybe that would be okay.

Kaoru gave up on thinking Die would pull out the strap-on and settling for pleasing his lover, knowing he probably asked for this kind of shouldering-off with his slip-up back into drugs. He growled, grinding a little against Die, rubbing his hand down to swipe up some of the slickness from his lover's cunt to lube his hand as he started to jack Die off faster.

Die whined, feeling the start of his orgasm already boiling deep in his abdomen. His hips pushed forward, hand squeezing Kaoru's arm harder while he moaned out his pleasure. A strangled cry left him as he came for the second time, only a little fluid seeping out across the bed as he came.

A pleased growl left Kaoru as Die climaxed, letting go of his cock and rubbing his hand across Die's stomach, cuddling him a little.

Die lay there for a moment, basking in the experience. But he quickly turned himself over, shifting to get between Kaoru's thighs. He reached for the drawer again, pulling it open and searching around for a dildo. He finally pulled out one of Kaoru's, a smooth, slightly curved, deep blue dildo with a flared base and a little vibrating bullet stuck in the base of it. He found the lube from earlier and smeared it over the dildo before he reached one slick hand down to press a finger into Kaoru's ass.

Kaoru gasped, having already set his mind on getting up and going to wash, not getting off. For whatever reason, he blushed when Die produced the dildo, biting his lip a little. When his lover slid one slim finger in him, he let out a choked groan, not really sure why when he offered, "If you don't want to, you don't have to."

Die tilted his head, staring at him for a long moment before his shook his head a little. His finger moved, pushing in again and again before he pulled it out and started to push the dildo in instead.

Kaoru gave a clipped shout, hips rising up off the bed. The dildo was fairly thick and he felt himself being stretched around it, panting and whining as it forced past his sphincter and slid deeper into him. His voice cracked as he begged Die for more, hips moving of their own accord, like a needy slut. He hadn't really had time to masturbate, and he'd missed that bliss of penetration.

The redhead moved closer, pulling one of Kaoru's legs up, propping it against his shoulder while he messed with the vibrate function, turning it on and then starting to fuck the hell out of Kaoru with the dildo. He watched the entire time, something exciting about the blue toy disappearing into Kaoru's ass.

Kaoru was overcome, pushing down with the leg braced on Die's shoulder to angle his hips so that each thrust his lover offered with the toy struck him forcefully just where it needed to. He screamed, thrashing about. "Die! Shit, oh shit... feels so fucking good, I've missed this!" The vibration made him start to twitch convulsively, always that extra bit that felt almost ticklish or odd and made him jerk. A line of pre-cum ran down his cock, but he didn't dare touch it. It was always so much better when he came just from being fucked.

Die stared down at him, licking his lips a little. He missed being this assertive, this demanding with everything and he yearned to be attached to the dildo right then. But he knew that was off-limits to him in the same way his packer was. His cheeks burned with a bright flush as he shoved the dildo in a little more harshly.

Kaoru began to let go, creeping towards release, one hand fisted in the sheets, the other gripped around Die's wrist. He opened his eyes and looked at his lover, biting his lip hard. Just looking at Die while the pleasure enveloped him was enough to make it truly mind-blowing, his body climaxing harshly, his back going tight as he arched up from the mattress and his cock spurted hot lines of cum across his stomach and chest, his ass clenching around the dildo, making it feel even thicker, which just made him cum a little harder, letting out a pleased scream until his throat felt raw.

Die slowed only once Kaoru's cock stopped shooting cum. He smirked a little, pulling the dildo out and laying it aside, flicking off the bullet with his thumb. Biting his lip a little, he reached out and pushed his hand through Kaoru's sticky mess.

Kaoru was a rubbery, limp ragdoll on the sheets, his breath wavering. He whimpered when Die slipped the plastic cock out of him, the sudden lack of penetration almost as pleasurable as the penetration itself, for a brief moment. He pushed his hands through his hair, giving a little laugh at Die sliding his hand through the puddle of cum on his stomach.

Die pulled his fingers back, licking at one of them, cleaning it of cum before he pushed himself up and went to the bathroom to start a shower for them both. He poked his head out once the water was on. "Coming?"

Kaoru let out a little moan at Die licking his cum from his hand, resting for a moment. When Die asked if he was coming, he just chuckled. "Already did, thanks." He hauled himself up off the bed and stripped it, going out onto the balcony, glad it was dark because he didn't really care that he was naked, and threw the sheets into the washer before returning, sagging against the wall of the bathroom for a moment, body worn. He was really out of shape, between the drugs, the stress, and the lack of eating, but he pushed through it, moving towards the shower and smiling lazily at Die.

Die snorted, rolling his eyes and then getting in the shower. By the time the other got in, he was halfway done, just working on his hair. He backed up a bit and let him in, washing the shampoo out and starting to put the conditioner in. "Already soaped the loofah for you."

Kaoru gave a demure little smile and a quiet thank you, washing his body. He scrubbed everything, mind moving back to the fact of the matter, really, which was attacking recovery. Again. By the time he realized he was clean, his skin was rubbed bright pink. He sighed, rinsing off and washing his hair quickly. The first few days were like a hangover, but he knew after that it would start to hurt, that he'd begin to shake, this his temper would go off at anything, and he knew he was going to yell at Die. He wasn't looking forward to that part... the coke-head was going to come out full-force sooner or later, and he just hoped he could pull it back to not do or say anything so awful that Die would leave.

Die pecked Kaoru on the lips before he left the shower, getting out and drying off quickly. From the bedroom, he retrieved the dildo and washed it off, putting it back in the drawer after he was done and then going to find his PJs. He pulled out the red silk ones and put them on before he poked his head back in the bathroom. "Baby? Where's the sheets?" He could at least replace them since he was the one who fucked them up.

Kaoru was rinsing conditioner out of his hair. "Top of the closet," he shouted over the water.

"Thanks," he replied before he headed off to grab a set of sheets and started putting them on the bed, humming softly to himself the entire time.

Kaoru got out of the shower, drying himself and then brushing out his hair in the mirror, a frown on his face. He was thin... his skin was sallow... his eyes looked sunken and glassy. He wasn't near in the condition he'd been at the height of his addiction, but he still didn't look normal, didn't look healthy. He hated it even more knowing that he'd done this to himself. It didn't help that he felt woozy on top of it, a headache starting in at the back of his skull. Trying to shake the feeling, rather unsuccessfully, he went into the bedroom, finding a cut off pair of sweats that came just above his knees and pulling them on before digging around for a comfortable t-shirt.

Die glanced over at Kaoru while he pulled new pillow cases onto the pillows. He'd noticed how thin Kaoru was, but he knew he wasn't one to be able to talk, so he didn't say anything about it. Licking his lips a little, he tossed the last pillow on the bed. "Gonna have a smoke before bed. You want one?"

Pulling on a baggy t-shirt, Kaoru nodded, going out to the porch and curling up with Die on the rocking bench, hugging his lover's arm after lighting a clove. His mood had plummeted dramatically over the last twenty minutes alone and he was trying to force away paranoid ideas about Die's actions and such. Just because he knew these all to be symptoms of the start of recovery didn't make them any easier to handle.

Die settled on the porch, lighting up a Salem and pulling in the smoke. He let it back out through his nose, making a little sound of pleasure. When Kaoru hugged his arm, he rested his hand on the other's knee, touch gentle. "What time do you have to be up tomorrow? I go in at eight... have to get up at seven."

Kaoru shrugged, nuzzling against Die, trying to find that safe feeling his lover usually provided him so easily, but he felt like his receptors weren't working. "Whenever. I need to go in and finalize the layout for the interview with Kyo, it prints Wednesday and is out Friday. I'm done, though; I just have to be there for any changes and whatnot, see if I can gloss it up a bit."

Die nodded a little, puffing away at his cigarette. There was something almost melancholy in the air around them and he didn't like it. But he was afraid it'd stay until there was proof that Kaoru would really quit entirely for him. He wasn't sure why, but a song was stuck in his head, pieces of it repeating over and over. It kind of had been all day. He lowered his cigarette and took a breath in, quietly starting the lyrics. "Every time I look in the mirror," his fingers played out the guitar part on the chair arm, "All these lines on my face gettin' clearer. The past is gone. It goes by, like dusk to dawn. Isn't that the way? Everybody's got their dues in life to pay." His foot tapped out the beat of the bass drum.

The whole thing was impulsive, seeming out of nowhere. But something about music calmed Die. It always had and maybe that was why he'd ever been drawn to play guitar in the first place. It was only then, in the midst of the song and in the middle of his thoughts that he realized... he'd forgotten his guitar. It was under the bed at his apartment, untouched for months and probably gathering dust.

Kaoru stiffened a little when Die started to sing softly, blinking, shaken from his little funk. He looked up at his lover, raising a brow. "You must have a thing for coke heads," he teased with a slight bitter edge before resting his cheek back on Die's shoulder. "Dammit, now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all night."

He rubbed his cheek against Die's skin. "Fuck... I dunno if I can sleep anytime soon."

Die stopped when Kaoru spoke, the words hitting him maybe in the wrong way. He quieted and just finished smoking his cigarette in a few puffs. Tossing the butt over the edge of the balcony and into the parking lot below, he placed a hand on Kaoru's head, gently patting. "I think I fucked up the order of your DVDs, so... that could give you something to do," he murmured, standing up then. A light tug of Kaoru's hair and then, "I've got to get to sleep. Night."

And then he was gone, making his way back through the apartment to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and then into bed, flopping over onto his stomach and curling his arms around his pillows.

Kaoru let Die pull away, trying not to frown. He gave a little nod, instead, offering a soft, "Good night.” He sat out on the balcony and finished his clove, trying to get his head clear. He just had to tell himself things would get better, that if he could keep his shit together and stay clean, that he and Die would eventually get back to where they were that night they decided they wanted to move in together. He closed his eyes and tried to bring that moment back, how good it had felt to have Die bringing up their relationship, to know it was really serious to him.

But then he remembered Die was living with him now not because he really wanted to, but because it was almost a last-ditch effort to save them, to try and keep Kaoru from sinking into the cesspool of addiction and ending them forever.

Going inside, Kaoru flopped down in front of his entertainment center, looking at his DVDs with Die's mixed in and rearranging them not because they needed to be, but because he had to keep busy, had to have something to distract him from the tears that wouldn't stop, from the anxious knot in his chest. He knew without Die, he'd be done for.

After the DVDs were in order, he went into the kitchen, finding the little lunch box he used some days when he was going into the office to pull a long shift of worrying over a spread before an issue printed, and portioned out a lunch for Die into Tupperware, with the leftovers from dinner, including the salad, and some strawberries, wrapping a piece of rosemary bread in saran wrap and added that to it along with a little bottle of pineapple juice. He grabbed his pad from the table and jotted out a quit note, folding it and laying it on top before closing it up and setting the lunch box on the top shelf.

Next, he sat down at the kitchen table with his laptop. Recovering always shoved him into his art, his one real escape from his life that wasn't destructive, and started sorting out his files. He'd been sitting on the idea of putting a portfolio together and trying to get featured at a local gallery, but he'd yet to take a step towards it. Now, he sat looking through his pieces - the digitized ones, at least - and started putting some aside in a folder as options, one set of only self-portraits, the other just photos in general. When he was done with that, he dragged down his big box of smaller prints and the portfolio of his larger things, most of them older, and went through those. Somewhere around 3AM he was halfway through the file box of photos, and asleep on the couch.

Die fell into a restless sleep that was mostly only sleep because he was still tired as hell from the night before. His dreams were plagued with him and Kaoru splitting up, with thoughts of everyone laughing at him because he was the biggest idiot in the world to be involved with a druggie. But then the scarier ones started sometime around dawn; the ones that included finding Kaoru ODed somewhere, his dead body pale and thin. The dreams that included his inability to stop himself from doing idiotic things. He dreamed of Kyo and things going further than they had before on the phone, of knives in his own hand and using them on his own body. He even dreamed of complete mutilation to his lower half, botched surgeries and terrible outcomes. By the time his alarm went off on his phone, Die's pillow was wet from tears and the sheets wet from sweat. He felt worn out and completely upset.

Dragging himself out of bed, he stumbled around, going through his morning routine with a few hiccups as he tried to remember where he'd put things at in Kaoru's bathroom. It was only when he came back out to dress for work that he realized Kaoru wasn't in bed. He frowned, getting dressed as quickly as possible in a pair of black slacks and a button-up white shirt. He dragged out the pair of black boots he had in the pile and then headed for the living room where he found Kaoru on the couch. He crouched next to him, a concerned look on his face and shook him.

Kaoru just drifted, not really asleep and not really awake, his mind reeling on dumb things, useless, boring, mundane things; the kind of stuff that usually rolled through one’s mind just before you fell into sleep, but that switch never got thrown for him. At the shaking, he took in a deep breath, groaning a little. He rubbed at his eyes and rolled onto his back, blinking up at Die. "Nnnn... ohayou..." He tried to smile, but it looked a little more like a squint.

Die peered at him, concern written on his face. "You should go to bed... try to sleep there," he murmured.

Kaoru rocked up to a sitting position, groaning some more. He looked at the photos on the table, remembering what he'd been doing last night. With a sleepy sigh, he got up and padded into the kitchen. "Nnn... lemme make you some coffee." He went about putting some coffee grounds into the coffee maker, adding some chicory and nutmeg, pulling down a travel mug so Die could take it with him. "I made you lunch, too," he croaked, voice hoarse.

Die padded after him, poking around in the cupboards, trying to find the cereal. After a moment, he found the Kellogg’s with strawberries in it and poured himself a bowl. Then he grabbed his milk and poured some in. He smiled at him and accepted the lunch box. "You're sweet. Thanks." He leaned in, pecking his cheek gently.

Kaoru smiled, rubbing sleep out of his eye. "Gotta look out for my skinny-minny." He yawned a little, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't want to go back to sleep. If he did, he'd never get up later and make it into the office.

Die rubbed at his nose a little and then headed over to sit at the kitchen table, licking his lips a little and then digging into the cereal. "You know, I don't know why I don't just add real strawberries to plain Kellogg’s."

Kaoru laughed a little, pulling out the bowl of cut strawberries from the fridge and setting it out for Die. "I was kind of wondering the same thing. Do you want me to cut you up a banana?" He grabbed one for himself, cutting it up and putting it in a small bowl, adding some strawberries from the container on the table, and some pieces of melon and pineapple from a package of cut fruit in the fridge, sitting down with that and a glass of OJ. Kaoru was a little weird about only eating fresh fruit in the morning, rarely doing fast food or things like eggs and toast, saving that for late-night meals and hangovers.

Die made a happy face, grabbing the strawberries and dumping some into his cereal and then munching away. "Mm... no thanks." He belched a little and gave an odd face. "Err... excuse me."

Kaoru's shoulders shook with soft laughter, spearing his fruit and eating slowly, getting up when the coffee finished brewing and pouring a cup for himself and some into the travel mug for Die. "Do you want sugar and milk? I think I have some vanilla creamer left."

"Creamer," he murmured, finishing up and then taking his bowl to the sink, pouring the rest of the milk down the drain. For some reason he didn't like drinking it like some people did. It just didn't taste right to him. He put the bowl in the sink and then padded over to where Kaoru was.

Kaoru leaned down and grabbed the bottle of vanilla creamer, sniffing it and checking the date to make sure it was still good. It was. He turned around and gave a sleepy smile, handing Die the creamer bottle before moving to sit down and finish his breakfast, sipping at his own coffee, which he drank black.

Die poured a little in and grabbed a spoon to stir it. He smiled happily and screwed the lid on. He took a sip and then went to Kaoru, leaning down to gently kiss him. "You gonna be okay without me?"

The question made Kaoru's chest grow tight. He knew Die meant just for today while he was at work, but his mind reeled on whether he would be okay without Die if the other ever got fed up and left him. He forced the panic down, knowing it was just the paranoia and the depression sinking in from the recovery process. He forced a smile, one foot on the seat of his chair, knee tucked up to his chest, and grabbed Die's collar, kissing him back. "Mmhmm."

Die returned the kiss, making a soft sound into it. Once he pulled back, he yawned again and patted Kaoru on the head. "Love you." With that, he turned grabbing his lunch and coffee mug.

Kaoru pursed his lips, resting his cheek on his knee while he watched Die leave. "Love you," he returned, moving the last few pieces of fruit around in the bowl.

Die waved a little, grabbing his bag and then putting on his boots. He left shortly after, heading off to work.

**To Be Continued…**


	33. Chapter 32

The first couple days were a little tense for Kaoru, feeling like a rather hardy case of depression had decided to move in along with Die, but just having his lover there was making it easier. It was still the beginning, and at least he'd made it three days after a week and a half binge without using.

The best part was getting up with Die every morning, even if it was just to make him coffee and see him off to work, and be there when he got home, always with dinner. He felt a little like a housewife, but his control issues thrived on knowing that even if he wasn't really sure how to take care of himself yet, at least he still knew how to take care of Die. Wednesday evening, he'd gone the easy way and made pizza, topping a frozen one with feta and sun-dried tomatoes and popping it in the oven about thirty minutes before Die usually got home. Around seven, he would need to start getting ready for work. Karaoke nights, he didn't go all out, just had to look like a passable woman to host the often-times horrible event, and have one costume ready for a single performance amidst the amateur drag performers. He'd already showered and shaved - face, legs, and underarms - and makeup generally took an hour, dressing another thirty minutes or so.

Die hadn't had the best day in the world. He'd had four meetings and three client issues to deal with. They all had decided to argue with whatever he'd gotten done for them since he'd been back. He got home about twenty minutes later than usual, looking kind of stressed out.

Coming in, he headed right to the living room, dumping a huge bag of his crap on the floor and then traipsing into the kitchen. "I swear to god, some days I seriously debate quitting, Kaoru."

Kaoru pouted at him sympathetically, kissing his cheek and handing him a plate of lukewarm pizza and salad. "Aaaw, I'm sorry, baby." He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and put it on the table. "I was going to wait and eat dinner with you, but I've got to start getting ready." He rubbed Die's shoulders briefly before grabbing the stool in the corner of the kitchen and heading towards the bathroom. "When you're done with that, come bitch to me?" He winked and put the stool in front of the mirror, flipping on the light and then going to grab his big makeup caboodle. "Good thing I work tonight, you can drink," he teased.

Die accepted the plate, plopping down on his chair and putting the plate on the table. "It's fine..." he murmured, starting to stab at the salad with the fork that had been on the plate and shoved it into his mouth. He snorted a bit. This was true, he could just drink his work hatred away tonight. He popped the top of his beer open and chugged a good half of it before continuing to eat.

Kaoru went about setting up his work station; he had a ritual for Yuuko, always playing hip hop and pop to get into the character while he was getting ready. He stripped down and put on his black silk robe, washing his face and then moisturizing, plopping down on the stool and starting to apply his base; he didn't do heavy foundation, he liked to keep Yuuko looking more natural, but he still had to have enough to contour. He made a point of painting his face into a new person, not just Kaoru in makeup.

Die finished off his beer and the food in record time, washing the plate and fork, then grabbing another beer. He headed down the hall, rounding the corner and poking his head in the bathroom. "So... how should I dress tonight?" He didn't want to stay in this stupid work outfit and he kind of wanted a shower.

Kaoru was shaping his brows and cheekbones, having already rubbed foundation against the grain of his facial hair to effectively cover it and smooth it out, making him look a little younger, as well. He lifted his chin to brush some bronzer along his jaw. "Whatever you want, sugar. It's just Wednesday, it's not all that special." He smiled a little, inspecting the contour work; his cheeks looked less severe, his jaw smoother, his nose a little narrower. He nodded to himself and applied powder before opening the tube of eye glue, brushing some on over one lid, letting it dry enough to get tacky, and then taking the little pronged stick that came with it and pressing his lid back over his eye to create a double lid. It was his least favorite part of doing his makeup, but it was essential to make Yuuko's eyes wider and less like his own.

Die stared at him while he applied the eyelid glue, then shuddered, moving back off to the bedroom and stripping down. He came back in completely naked, turning on the shower and stepping in. He settled under the stream of warm water, starting to scrub down rather quickly. "Work makes me feel so fucking dirty," he commented.

Kaoru laughed, powdering his face more, glaring at the steam from the shower, but not saying anything; his baby had had a bad day and needing a nice relaxing shower. "You work at a desk all day!" Foundation done, he tied up his hair and put on a wig cap, turning down Lil Kim and peeking into the shower. "We'll have fun tonight, even if it's just you and me being totally mean about the karaoke singers, okay?"

"Meetings are dirty!" Die maintained, sticking his tongue out despite the fact that Kaoru couldn't see it. After all, when better to be childish? Die finished up showering in record time, slipping out of the shower and starting to rub himself dry with a towel.

Kaoru smiled at him and resumed finishing up his foundation before priming his lids for shadow. He leaned back on his stool, grinning, Yuuko's attitude starting to seep in. "Hey, sexy... gimme a kiss?"

Die leaned over, pecking Kaoru on the lips gently before reaching past him for the deodorant. It was more than obvious that he'd just shaved under his arms.

Kaoru eyed Die a little, finding it a bit funny that there were still things Die just stuck to, shaving being one of them. He supposed it was really more a body-hair issue than a girls-do-this issue. 

Die blushed a bit when Kaoru looked at him. He rubbed on the deodorant and then murmured, "It feels so gross. I was trying to leave hair, but... eh... I don't like it. Makes my tops get all sweaty."

Closing one eye, Kaoru started to do a simple dark gold and black, with shit tons of blending, taking nearly fifteen minutes on one eye alone before moving onto the other one, taking more time to match it up with the first eye.

Kaoru shook his head, smiling. "I don't mind, baby, I like your smooth, nubile little body." He chuckled and finished up with his eyes, doing touch ups and then putting on mascara and fake lashes. After some blush, a nice nude lip color, and some gold gloss, and a little bit of makeup sealer, Kaoru was officially Yuuko. Well, mostly. Now came the hard part. Grabbing the roll of duct tape from the counter, he reached with his left hand to his right ribs, and pushed what little bit of fat he still had on him in and taped it, repeating the process on the other side and then putting on a bra, stuffing it with silicon inserts before enhancing the cleavage with powder. "My tits went away! Baby, I need to eat fast food and cake!" she shouted over the music, in a better mood now than she'd been as mope-around-the-house Kaoru hardly an hour ago. Lastly, she pulled up a tight pair of nude spandex panties and tucked her dick back, pushing her balls up and in, smoothing everything out before pulling on a cuter pair of red lace panties over it and going to the supply closet, getting the dress she'd bought at Target with Die, and a pair of strappy gold heels with rhinestones, going into the bedroom and sitting down on the bed after pulling on the dress and putting the heels on.

Die snorted when he heard the part about fast food and cake. "I'll remember that," he called back, digging around in the closet for something to wear, still completely butt-ass naked. After a few disgruntled words with his now completely disorganized wardrobe, he finally found the silver button-up shirt he wanted, slipping it on and then finding the pair of black leather pants that were pretty much skin tight and had fake corset-laces up the sides.

He grabbed one of the whole two pairs of bikini-type underwear he owned and pulled them on, knowing boxers did not go under skin-tight leather. He did up the front of the pants and stared down at himself, feeling kind of disgruntled. The usual bulge that his packer would have provided wasn't there and the little stretch it had given the pants in that region looked downright stupid now. But he had spent so much time already picking out the outfit that he just chose to ignore it, pulling on the shirt and then staring at himself. No... not right. He pulled the shirt off and grabbed a black tank top, pulling it on over his head. Better... but that stupid bulge spot was still irritating him.

With a sigh, he started to take off the pants. Well, those would go in the corner of the closet to not touch until after his bottom surgery then.

Kaoru stood up and went to his jewelry box, digging through for some dangly gold earrings, clipping them onto his ears before pulling down his long blonde wig from the closet and putting it on, adjusting the curls. "Baby," he quipped, "why don't you wear your packer anymore?" At first he had figured Die had gotten out of the habit after not being able to wear it while recovering from the surgery, but now, watching Die dress, and seeing it in that big box of stuff that was labeled **DO NOT TOUCH** , he wondered what was really going on, concerned.

Die actually panicked for a moment, freezing in mid-taking-his-pants-off mode. He bit his lip a little, cheeks bright red. Well... that had been rather point-blank hadn't it? He bowed his head a bit, plopping down on the bed and putting the pants over his crotch, feeling exposed now. "I... um... well..." he sighed, "look, I swore off all things sexual without you being directly involved. It's a part of my promise. That's why it was in the **DO NOT TOUCH** box." He shrugged a little.

Kaoru turned around, frowning at Die. With a sigh, he crawled across the bed, wrapping his arms around Die from behind. "Baby... boys have dicks. You're a boy. The packer isn't sexual, it's who you are." 

Die swallowed a little and shook his head. "No... I bought it at the same place, so it goes with everything else from there. It wouldn't be sold at a sex toy shop unless it was a sex toy."

Kaoru kissed his lover's ear, nuzzling at it. "Besides, I don't want to be mean, but you look like a lesbian without a bulge."

At that, Die fell completely silent. His hands shook a little and he frowned deeply. It was kind of true. Die could feel the tears building up in his eyes. If that was what Kaoru thought of him without it, then would it really make a difference with it? Wouldn't he still just look like a girl who was trying to be a man?

Insecurity welled up inside him and he pulled away, throwing the pants down next to the closet and starting to rip through his clothing angrily, the tears spilling down his cheeks. Finally, he turned around clutching the baggiest pair of jeans he owned, stomping to the dresser and grabbing his boxer briefs out. He ripped off the bikini type underwear, ripping one side in the process and threw them against the wall near the trash before he yanked on the boxer briefs and then the jeans. Finally, he turned around, the tears making his eyes red. "Is that really all you think of me? One piece of fucking silicon makes me a man and that's it?"

Kaoru yelped, clapping his hands over his mouth and watching Die storm around the room, trying desperately not to cry off his makeup. "I'm sorry! Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!" He sank down on his knees on the bed, blinking back tears furiously. Die angry scared the hell out of him, and it had been happening a lot lately, because of him. When his lover turned around and asked him such a razor-sharp question, all he could do was keep his hands clamped over his mouth and shake his head, the blonde curls of the wig flying around his shoulders. There was so much more to it, his concern for Die cutting himself off in such a way, a way Kaoru had never asked him to do, that apparently Die had decided on his own to do, and knowing how important just feeling like he had a package, that he could wear tight jeans and look like a guy was for the other, but just then he couldn't say a single word, taut and trembling, hardly even breathing, on the verge of having a total breakdown.

Die stared at Kaoru for a long moment before he just kind of deflated, sagging against the wall and sliding down it to sit, his face in his hands. He let out a hard sob into his hands, the tears like rivers from his eyes now, his shoulders shaking. "I... I just..." he choked on another sob, shaking his head.

He hadn't meant to just explode at Kaoru like that. Kaoru certainly didn't need Die's shit on top of his own right then, but Die honestly didn't think things through like that when it came to what mattered a hell of a lot in his life right then. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not knowing what else to do except apologize.

Kaoru closed his eyes, a few tears slipping out. Against his better judgment, he forcibly shut himself off so that he wouldn't ruin his makeup and be late rather than go and comfort Die, though really right then, he didn't know how to. He wondered if he even could, considering he seemed to be the reason Die was always so tense and angry all the time. Getting off the bed, he cleared his throat, letting himself completely become Yuuko so that maybe the storm of emotion in him would die down. "Don't apologize. I'm the one who's a dick."

With that, she left the room and went to touch up her eyes, then toss some makeup into a gold imitation leather purse, along with a slinky red dress for her one number for the night, knowing there was a wig backstage at her mirror she could use, and the shoes she was wearing would work for both, and then put all her other stuff in the purse, phone, keys, etc. Her hands were shaking as she put on the press-on nails, wanting a fix something terrible, but she shoved that down, too. Stepping to the bedroom door, she called in calmly, "I'm ready to go when you are."

Die sat in the corner, just trying so hard to make himself get over what had been said. It was his own fault for being who _and what_ he was. By the time Kaoru came back out of the bathroom, he had mopped up his tears, blown his nose, and thrown a bulky hoodie over his tank top, zipping it three quarters of the way up.

He had his money and Kaoru's, both their IDs, and his own car keys. He grabbed his cell phone off the table, shoving it into his pocket and then nodding, heading toward the front door. Despite the fact that he'd already had two beers, he didn't even think about handing the keys to Kaoru.

Yuuko locked the apartment, keeping her head down, trying to not seem cold while still being cut off. She wasn't trying to piss Die off more, just trying not to be a crying mess for the thousandth time that week. "Are we taking your car or mine?"

"Mine," Die replied, walking off down the stairs and then down to the parking lot. He unlocked his car, getting into the driver's seat and unlocking Kaoru's door for him, sticking the key in the ignition.

Yuuko got in, pulling a cigarette from her purse and lighting it before putting the bulky gold monstrosity down at her feet, rolling down the window a crack. She was tempted to reach over and pet Die's knee, give him some assurance she was sorry and loved him, but she was afraid it might open up the flood gates, or worse, just piss Die off.

Die shut the door and turned on the car. He yanked his seat belt on and cranked the music up, Kyo's newest album playing. He pulled out and headed toward Derrick's. He drove maybe a little too fast, his reactions not really inhibited, though it wasn't like he could have told if they were or not. He was determined of one thing and one thing only. Once they got there, he was seriously going to get completely shit-faced.

Yuuko sat completely silent, smoking her cigarette, finding something bitter in the fact that in the background of one of the songs, Kyo was screaming "CUT THE LINE, CUT THE LINE, SHIT, IT'S CHOKING ME!!!" hysterically before mock-dying. She clenched her jaw, trying not to focus on how fast Die was driving, obviously still angry, and got out as soon as they had parked, waiting for Die to follow, not wanting to just walk in and show how pissed off she was becoming, trying to damage control as much as possible.

Die parked, shutting the car off and getting out. He locked up and shoved the keys in his pocket, heading toward the doors. Even in his irritated state, he pulled open the door and held it for Kaoru. His manners were still there at least.

Yuuko gave him a tight smile, walking into the nearly empty bar and greeting the bar tender and DJ, the assistant bar manager setting up the karaoke machine. She slid over to a table and put her purse down, going to hug the burly man, both of them chit-chatting for a while. A few people started filtering in and the amateur queens snuck backstage.

Die immediately went to the other side of the bar, ordering a pitcher of beer, claiming he'd be sharing with Yuuko. He didn't really intend to, but the bartender bought it and let him purchase it. He brought the whole thing over to a table, pouring two glasses and then promptly downing his in a few short minutes. 

Yuuko went back to the table and pulled another cigarette from her purse, looking for Die. "I've got to go get ready for the first number, but after that, I can really just plant it with you, okay?"

By the time Kaoru came back by to get a cigarette, Die had already consumed half the pitcher. He nodded a little. "Yeah, okay."

Frowning slightly to see Die drinking so much so quickly, she leaned down and chanced a kiss to her lover's cheek, shouldering her purse. "See you in a bit." 

Die didn't mind the kiss, already too drunk to care, just writing it off as something that didn’t matter right then.

Going behind the curtain, Yuuko dressed, putting on a platinum blonde bob wig, brushing it out and touching up her makeup. After another fifteen minutes, the little overture to signal the show starting began and she stood by the curtain, waiting for her song to start. She honestly didn't care too much about outfits matching the song, just so long as she looked sexy. _Waking Up in Vegas_ began and she worked the room, mostly all regulars that tipped well, collecting her cash and trying to be discrete as possible as she dumped the bills on Die's table and went up to do introductions and all the rest, welcoming everyone and announcing that karaoke would start after the first half of the amateur drag show. Announcing on the first performer, she went backstage and put the dress and wig from earlier back on and came out the side door with her purse, sitting beside Die, putting the microphone on the table.

Die slumped down on the table, watching Kaoru. He took the money off the table when Kaoru dumped it there, tucking it into the pocket that held Kaoru's stuff. Another fourth of the beer was gone by the time Kaoru came back to the table and Die had his phone out, straight up drunk texting Kyo.

 _Drunk... yah... drink... for sure._ He sent the text just as Kaoru sat down.

Kyo blinked at the text, walking down the street trying to be incognito so that he could shop for new clothes. Rather than texting Die in return, he opened a text to Kaoru. _Do not let your boyfriend drive tonight._

Yuuko felt her phone buzz in her purse, pulling it out and looking at it strangely, then replying, _Thanks. I'll steal his keys now._ Not like she would have even considered letting Die drive, anyway, not after the way he'd been just on the drive here. She put her hand out. "Baby, go ahead and gimme your keys? Just so you don't lose them. And please don't forget you have to work tomorrow." She batted her eyelashes at him, trying to make it clear she was being concerned, not nagging.

Die shifted a little, staring at Kaoru and then shrugging, digging out the keys and pressing them into Kaoru's palm. "Yeah," he murmured, "sure...." He poured himself another glass of beer, starting in on it and shrugging a little. "Need water," he muttered. If he didn't want to be hung over tomorrow, then he needed to get water into his system... and soon.

Sighing, she got up and went to the bar, bringing back a big bottle of water and a cocktail for herself, sitting down and waiting for the few performers to be finished. Once the short performances were over, she got back up on stage, trying to plaster on the perkiness of Yuuko, making general announcements about what was going on at the bar and promoting certain nights, and then plugging the bartender. Once that was out the way, she bit her lip, going back to the table and digging a piece of paper out of her purse and pulling a stool onto the stage.

"Okay, I... I'm gonna get serious real quick with you guys, and then we'll open up the stage. I know you guys are already signing up to do karaoke, but there's just something I want to talk about real quick." She placed her ass down on the stool, crossing her legs. "So, has everybody heard about the murder that happened down by Elgin?" There were a few murmured yeses. "That girl's body found in the river?" A few more sounds of recognition. "It was all over the papers because it was so brutal, right, a Jane Doe, and then they found out her name, and then it just kind of disappeared right? Well... the investigation is still going on, but here's why no one's heard about it in the media again." She unfolded the piece of paper and began to read a news article emailed to her earlier that day by a friend that worked for a paper in the next city over.

"‘On May 17th, the body of Felisha Davis was found mutilated in a tributary of the Serf River, showing evidence of extreme abuse and sexual assault. For a week, her identity was unknown and surrounding areas were shocked by the brutal murder, wanting answers. Her name came to light shortly after, pictures of Felisha from high school printed with rehashed crime blotters on the case which has thus far turned up no answers to the identity of the killers. The story was across the state and buzzing for nearly two weeks and all of a sudden, it's quiet. The investigation is still going on, but the media doesn't want to talk about, because the body they found in the river wasn't Felisha Davis, it was _Felix_ Davis. Felix was a twenty-four year old transgender man from El Paso, Texas, working at a local mechanics shop. He had been passing for nearly six years, but had not yet received any reassignment surgery, though records later showed that his current driver's license listed him – illegally – as male. What's been implied since the body was rightfully identified is that on May 13th, Felix worked until 6PM before going home to change and at 8PM met friends at a bar in Summerside. At 11:30, witnesses saw Felix leaving with friends, intoxicated, and his friends claim at 1AM, he was back at his home in Elgin. Other witnesses place the large Ford being driven by John K. Ceely, one of Felix's friends with him that night, as going out towards the boat ramp on the Serf at 2AM, and again at 4AM. Police claim they do not have enough evidence to place Ceely at the crime but have questioned him multiple times and are working towards finding out the truth of that night, and Felix's brutal murder. The point of this, however, is not about the crime itself, but the secondary victimization of Felix Davis suddenly vanishing from the media after it had been discovered that he was a transgendered individual and implications were made that this fact may have been a motivating factor in his murder. In all my years of reporting murders and scams and scandals, I don't think I've ever seen someone murdered twice. In honor of Felix and in support of the trans community at large, a memorial service will be held at Lucas-Wright Park on Thursday, June 1st, at 7PM.’"

Yuuko tossed her hair back, hefting a sigh, having tried to read it as clearly and quickly as possible. Looking up, she gazed at the crowd, pursing her lips. "This is scary, people." A little wave of agreement went through the room. "And I can tell you from experience, in the LGBT community, the ‘T’ kind of gets ignored a lot. I hate that it has to be things like this that usually remind people, oh yeah, there are transgendered people out that whose rights are even less protected than the rights of a gay person would be. In our own community, there's a coldness and neglect, or an exploitation towards transgenders and transsexuals, just like some of the girls here. They're _girls_ , but because there's no law in this state saying that you cannot discriminate against employing a person based on them being transgender, this is really some of the only options they have to make money." She pouted her glossed lips and tried to calm her shaking hands, getting a bit emotional. "This is something that effects all of us, and I know I just kind of put a damper on the mood for tonight, I'm sorry, but the memorial is tomorrow and I felt like it needed to be announced. This isn't just about one gender queer boy getting raped and murdered fifty miles west; this is about our community standing together and showing and sharing strength when a member of it is taken away like this."

Die was only half listening until Kaoru said he needed to get serious for a minute. Die looked up, listening with slight shock as the story unfolded. He hadn't heard about it, mostly because he avoided listening to or reading the news in any format. He had enough of his own problems and didn't really like adding to them. But he didn't mind when he got it in small doses from outside sources, such as this.

Yuuko shifted on the stool, pausing. "How many of you know someone who's trans?" A few hands went up, a couple in the back whistling excitedly. 

Die swiped at his tears, listening still. Something about the news of such an act managed to sober him up at least partially. He folded his hands on the table, ignoring the other half glass of beer for now, settling on trying not to cry any more so than he already had. He bit his lip, raising his hand just a little when Kaoru asked who knew someone who was trans. Technically he could say he did, not just because of himself, but because of a few people online he'd been talking with about certain issues.

"How many of you love someone who's trans?" The couple got louder, along with a few others. Yuuko pursed her lips, holding the piece of paper in her lap. "I do. I don't know how many of you know, or if any of you know, but... my boyfriend, Die," she gestured towards Die's table, blushing a little, "we've been together for almost a year, and Die was born," she took a little sigh, getting even more worked up and hoping Die wouldn't get mad at his business being announced to a bar full of strangers, "ah, he was born biologically female. So when I hear about things like this, it scares the hell out of me, and-"

Die bit his lip a little when the second question was asked, putting his hand down and blushing faintly. When the next words came out of Kaoru's mouth, Die's eyes lifted to stare at Kaoru, something between shock and love reflected in them. His blush intensified when he was gestured to and he tried hard to look stronger than he felt, giving a tiny, nervous wave. He wasn’t all that sure how he felt about being outed when he’d tried so hard to pass and not let anyone know how he’d been born, but he knew – or at least he hoped he knew – that Kaoru’s intentions weren’t malicious, that he was only trying to help the trans community

Her voice cracked a few sympathetic aaaaws rippled through the crowd as she fanned herself with the printed article, trying not to cry. "I'm sorry... It's just really frustrating to know that trans issues are still pretty closeted, even in the gay community, so," Yuuko straightened up, trying to hold herself together, "fuck it, my boyfriend is trans and I love him, and I'm so proud of him, and I don't think that's something I should hide or be ashamed of, because not wearing it proudly and being open," she lifted the piece of paper, "could lead to something like this." Hopping down from the stool, she sniffed, putting it in front of the karaoke machine with the other microphone on a stand. "Anyway... I just wanted to get on my soapbox for a minute; the memorial is tomorrow, at Lucas-Wright Park, at seven, okay? Please, please, please, it means so much for everyone who can to come and show their support of the trans community, and send a clear message that we will not let this kind of thing just happen, that we won’t be silent, that our trans partners and lovers and friends and sisters and brothers, they aren't expendable." Her voice trembled again. "Alright, I'm done, I promise, who wants to get up here first?"

She tried to laugh, going back across the stage towards Die, not able to look at him without feeling like she was going to cry, sitting down and staring at her drink while the DJ announced the first name and the song they'd sing from the list.

By the time Kaoru was finished reading it, Die felt somewhere between wanting to cry and being - very rightfully - angry. Tears shone in his bright brown eyes as he rather valiantly tried to hold them back. He supposed at least this time, he wasn't crying because of a fight between him and Kaoru.

Die found himself just glad that no one had decided to spot-light the table or something equally idiotic. He grabbed his cocktail napkin and swiped it over his eyes. When Kaoru came back over to the table, Die tried to be discreet about shifting his chair closer and then putting his hand over Kaoru's, trembling fingers curling around his lover's. "I love you," he whispered softly.

Kaoru - no longer Yuuko the moment Die's hand covered his - whimpered slightly, leaning into Die's shoulder. "I love you, too, baby. So much." Sniffing, he put his elbow down on the table and braced his hand against his forehead, trying to be as discrete as possible, crying a little. Between all the tension that had been brewing between then over the last couple months, and the fight this afternoon, it really all seemed silly at moments like this when he realized that he would completely and totally fall apart without Die, and that the other meant more to him than anything else in the world.

Die gave up on just holding Kaoru's hand the moment he watched him start to cry. There was no doubt in his mind that this wasn't Yuuko anymore. This was his baby, _his_ Kaoru. He scooted the chair even closer and enfolded Kaoru into his arms, sniffling a bit. "I'm sorry I exploded earlier... I just... I'm really stressed right now. I'm trying so hard not to be, I really am." He hugged Kaoru even tighter.

Kaoru threw his arms around Die, glad the music was loud, even though the singer up right now was terrible, so that no one but Die could hear his wailing. "No, I shouldn't have said that to you, I'm so sorry, I've been such a fucking asshole. I've completely uprooted your life because I can't keep mine in check, and I'm so, so fucking sorry."

Die let out a little hiccupped sob, tugging on Kaoru, wanting him in his lap. He desperately needed to be closer to him right then, to know he wasn't going to leave. He shook his head. "No, baby... it's... it's fine. I just... _we_ just need to get better at this whole communication thing."

Kaoru hopped clumsily over into Die's lap, trying to keep his dress from riding up and failing pretty miserably, but he didn't care, clinging to Die and crying against his throat. "I'm afraid to talk around you anymore, I know it's the withdrawal that makes me so mean, and I don't want to hurt you." He sobbed harder and then pressed his mouth to Die's ear, whispering, hardly able to speak. "I feel like we're falling apart, but where I'm at right now... I would literally die without you. You mean too much to me."

Die clung to Kaoru, his hand on the back of his lover's neck, a warm presence that attempted to be comforting. He tugged him hard against himself. "I don't want to lose you... I don't want us to fall apart... I just want _my_ Kaoru back," he choked out.

"I'm trying to be that, I'm trying so hard!" He voice cracked and he was shaking violently in Die's lap, getting up quickly and grabbing his purse. "Let's go outside, I feel weird in here." Without waiting, he head towards the back employee exit, lighting a cigarette, or trying to, his hands shaking too badly to work the lighter. He needed some fresh air and some space away from people, feeling like a fool for having had a total breakdown in the middle of the bar, glad at least the lights were low.

Die watched Kaoru get up and start for the back doors. He stood up and ended up stumbling almost immediately. Great... real great. He snatched up the bottle of water and used whatever he could to keep himself stable as he went out after Kaoru, his head swimming. By the time he got outside, he collapsed against the wall with a groan. "Fuck... so drunk."

Kaoru couldn't help but chuckle slightly at him, grabbing him by the front of his jacket and kissing him. "Mm... that's why I'm driving home, and when we get there, I'm making you greasy eggs and sausage. Fool-proof hangover prevention." Taking a step back, he finally got his cigarette lit, cuddling up to Die.

Die made a soft sound at the kiss and then yawned rather cutely. He wrapped his arms around Kaoru and then murmured, "I'm serious, Kaoru... I don't want to lose you."

Puffing on his cigarette, Kaoru looked up into Die's eyes, grinning at the familiar chocolate behind that drunken glaze. "I'm not going anywhere. I can't make any promises that things will get better. I think they're really going to get worst first... but I love you, and I want to stay with you. I don't want to give up."

He nodded a little and then sighed. "Do you think... we can... maybe talk about..." he swallowed hard and then forced it out, "my packer and stuff... and why you took them out of the **DO NOT TOUCH** box?"

Kaoru sighed, thinking about it. "Yeah... I... I took them out because I didn't think they belonged in there, not because what makes you a man has anything to do with what is or isn't in your pants to me, but because..." He bit his lip, collected his thoughts. "Because I know you, and I love you, or I thought I knew, that it was important to you, to feel like you had the body you should have been born in. And now I don't know what I think anymore. I'm concerned why you feel like you can't wear it, and honestly, why you've started... punishing yourself for being so sexual." He toyed with the wig, shrugging. "I forgave you. I wish you'd do the same."

Die listened to what Kaoru had to say, tears welling up in his eyes again. But this time, he just brushed them away with one hand, trying to collect himself enough to speak. When he did, it was quiet, almost a whisper. "It is... important." He gnawed on his lip for a moment. "I just..." his shoulders kind of deflated, body sagging against the wall, "I pushed everything away except you... and I guess I feel like if I deny myself what I need to really feel more like I should... then I will always remember I fucked up everything." He shrugged a little. "It's difficult though..." he trailed off, brushing more tears away as his throat tightened on him.

Kaoru looked at Die, sadness in his eyes. He found Die's hand and squeezed it. "Baby... please don't think that way. Please don't do things like that to yourself. I'd rather you be happy and cheat on me, than be with me and be fucking miserable." He pressed his cheek to Die's shoulder, leaning into him. "Wear the packer, watch porn, masturbate." He sighed a little. "Is that why you didn't use the strap-on the other night?" He stepped back to look up into Die's face. "Baby, when we fuck, I want to feel you on top of me, I want your hips pounding against me, I want to be able to wrap my legs around your waist... it's about us, together, not me wanting something in my ass to get off."

Die's eyes widened and he shook his head. He'd never cheat on Kaoru, not ever. What had happened with Kyo had been a mistake on his part, a simple misunderstanding of what counted as cheating and what didn't. He bit down on his lip a little, flushing. It would have been one thing to tell him that before he moved in with Kaoru. But now... now he wasn't sure he could do such things since Kaoru would be around and somehow that just seemed... wrong. But all the same, he gave a tiny nod. "Yeah..." he trailed off, listening to the rest of what Kaoru had to say about his strap-on. Part of him wanted to just withdraw into himself, but he refused to let it happen, still listening to Kaoru and keeping his arms right where they were despite wanting to stuff his hands in his jeans pockets and duck his head.

Reaching up, Kaoru stroked Die's cheek gently. "Please... stop this. Maybe yeah, it's good to cut back on the porn watching and whatever, I mean, people get addicted to that stuff," he shrugged, sort of throwing his hands up, "but sex is healthy, Die! Don't punish yourself for something I've already forgiven you for."

When Kaoru touched his cheek, he closed his eyes, leaning into the touch a little, sniffing. "I just..." he shook his head, knowing he didn't need excuses right then. Kaoru got it... he knew Die was trying his best to make up for what he'd done. His arms tightened on Kaoru's body and he shivered a little before he let go and opened his water, taking a long drink from it. Screwing the lid back on, he wiped at the tears on his cheeks. "I love you."

Kaoru grabbed Die by the arms and shook him a little. "And I love _you_! You know that, Die. You know that, right?"

Die gasped softly at the shake, biting his lip and then nodding. He did know that; definitely knew that.

Kaoru grabbed Die and hugged him tight, tossing his cigarette down. "Good." Sighing, he pulled away a little. "I... I gotta get back inside, I mean, I'm getting paid, so..." He grabbed the door handle with one hand and rubbed Die's arm with the other. "You can stay out here a while if you need a minute."

Die sniffed a bit, nodding. The fresh air was doing him good, so he decided he'd stay out there for a little while. He leaned against the wall and fumbled around, getting out a cigarette and lighting it.

Kaoru went back in and touched up his makeup, having to take his fake eyelashes off because of the tears breaking up the glue. He took his time, collecting Yuuko again and then going out and joking around with the crowd, announcing for a few of the people doing karaoke. She, herself, refused to sing; she was awful at it and needed booze to even back-up some of the other singers, but she was getting paid seventy-five dollars in cash for tonight, so she had to put in at least some effort.

Die smoked through the cigarette, texting Kyo again. _Sorry... less drunk now. Still smashed, but not diving head-first off the cliff at least._ He pressed send and tossed the butt down, crushing it with his heel, coming back into the club and heading for their table. He finished off his bottle of water and tried his best to ignore the rest of the beer.

Kyo juggled his phone out of his pocket, arm loaded down with jeans he was carrying to the dressing room. _Good. I get worried about you, kid._

Die just replied with _^__^ Thanks for worrying._ and then put his phone away.

Yuuko came and sat next to Die in between hosting, sipping on a cocktail, rubbing at Die's knee. At around midnight it started to wind down and she went to the bar to collect her pay, coming back and rubbing Die's shoulders, hugging him from behind. "Alright, pumpkin, let's get you home and fed and then to sleep."

Die was halfway through his third water when Kaoru came back to the table. He finished it off in a few gulps and then stood up, significantly less drunk now that he'd let it wear off.

Yuuko looped her arm into the crook of Die's elbow, heading toward the door. On her way, several people stopped her for hugs and to say goodbye. She dug the keys to Die's car out of her purse and unlocked it, getting in and putting the purse in Die's lap once he was in the car. "Using a clutch in heels... this is gonna be interesting."

Die followed, getting into the car and putting on his seat belt. He took the purse and sat there, looking kind of out of it before he mumbled, "Take them off?"

With a devilish little look, Yuuko shifted herself in the leather seat, turning and lifting her legs over the console, putting her heeled feet up in the air in front of Die, making those long legs look terribly sexy, a little of the red lace panties showing. "Do it for me?" she asked in a sweet voice.

Die blinked, staring at those legs and then down at the panties, then right back up those legs. With a deep breath, he reached out and started to take off the heels.

Yuuko bit her lip, taking her now shoeless foot and dipping it down into Die's lap while he took off the other shoe, rubbing her toes against his crotch a little, then taking her legs back over the console and cranking the car, smirking at Die. "Thanks." Carefully, she pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.

Die couldn't help but to shift into the foot in his crotch, a faint blush dusting his cheeks as he took the second shoe off. Both went into the floorboard.

A few blocks away she had an idea, reaching over and digging through her purse, giving Die a pen and a piece of paper. "There this little neighborhood up here, it's older houses, kinda run down, but it's full of art kids, mostly, and the rents are cheap. Wanna drive through and write down numbers if there's anything available?"

When Kaoru made the suggestion, Die nodded a little. "Yeah, sure." He took the pen and paper, making sure the pen could write, creating a little spiral at the top of the page.

Kaoru pulled into the little neighborhood, a section of small houses, mostly wood-siding and two bedrooms, at most, a few larger homes that were split up into separate apartments, some duplexes. He drove up and down the streets, slowing down when he saw _For Rent_ signs, calling out numbers and addresses to Die to jot down. There were only four on nearly a dozen streets of the little gridded neighborhood, but if any of them worked, and were actually decent on the inside, it would be a perfect area for he and Die to have a place together.

Die wrote everything down when Kaoru told him what to write, gazing around the neighborhoods. Once they were done and driving home again, Die murmured. "I liked the one with the white porch..."

Kaoru grinned, nodding. "We definitely need a nice porch, we can put my bench out there and some potted plants, maybe some small sculptures? Have a nice place to sit together, talk, watch the world go by..." 

Die's thoughts drifted around on the way home, progressing toward him actually squirming around in his seat, sucking on the tip of his finger. Drinking for him had always been a way of lowering the barriers on his personal needs and desires. Tonight, he hadn't really thought that one through and now he was paying for it.

Kaoru gave a dreamy little sigh, pulling up at the apartment beside his car, reaching to carry his shoes and purse, heading barefoot across the grass to the stairs up to his place.

Once they parked, Die slipped out of the car, thankful Kaoru hadn't noticed anything, probably just thinking that Die was nervous if anything. He made sure he kept hold of the little paper and the pen, heading after Kaoru with a yawn.

Kaoru went in and put his shoes and purse away, taking off the wig and taking down his real hair, but leaving the dress and everything on for now, going to the kitchen and starting some toast, getting a package of sausage from the fridge and two eggs, beating them in a bowl while he heated up a skillet, cutting a chunk of the sausage off and dicing it up, putting it in the beaten eggs with a splash of milk and then putting the mixture in the pan, scrambling it.

Die wandered around the house, getting mostly undressed, leaving only his boxer briefs on and then coming back out. He lingered around the kitchen for a long time before finally coming up behind Kaoru, wrapping his arms around the other and plunking his head on Kaoru's shoulder. "Mmmh," he announced.

Kaoru hummed back, hugging Die's arm around him with one hand, the other stirring up the eggs and sausage quickly before putting it onto the toast. "Here, eat this. It'll cut down your chances of a hangover."

Die peered at the food, not really being hungry right then. But he took the plate anyway, moving away to sit down at the table. He snatched up a fork and started eating, looking half disinterested, shifting in his chair every now and then.

Kaoru stood behind Die's chair, rubbing his shoulders absently, just wanting to love on Die some. "Good?" he asked, leaning down and kissing Die's hair.

Die nodded as he picked up the sausage and slid the link between his lips, sucking the juices from it before taking a tasty bite.

Kaoru watched him, raising a brow. "...Are you horny?" he asked in a mock accusing tone, leaning down and smirking at his lover. He tended to do weird little sexual things to mundane objects when he was feeling horny and by now, he could call Die's arousal pretty accurately.

Die squirmed a little at the accusation and then nodded, flushing gently. He swallowed. "I want to suck dick so bad," he informed, the words slipping out before he ducked his head and went back to shoveling food into his mouth.

Kaoru purred, leaning down and sucking on Die's earlobe. "Finish eating."

Die practically shoved the rest of his food down his throat before he went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, downing half the contents before heading back toward Kaoru, grabbing him and shoving him against the wall. The water bottle got put on the table and Die dropped to his knees, shoving the dress up and starting to grope at Kaoru through the panties.

Kaoru laughed at him getting so hasty, gasping when his lover came over to him and shoved him against the wall, arching into his touches and putting one fake-nailed hand in his hair, the back of the other pressed to his glossed lips. "Nn, shit, baby... I love it when you're assertive.”

Die yanked at the panties, whimpering a little when he realized there was a second pair underneath it. Grumbling to himself, he started trying to pull both of them down. He managed finally and freed Kaoru from the confines, grabbing his dick and starting to jerk him off.

Kaoru had to help Die out, parting his thighs, sort of squatting down so his lover could pull his cock from tucked back between his legs, his balls dropping down. He pushed his hips into the hand stroking over his cock. "Die... hnn." His cock swelled, rock hard in Die's hand, his hips pushing and swaying restlessly.

Die jacked him off until he was fully hard, his eyes gleaming when he finally went in for the kill and took Kaoru's dick into his mouth. His hands went to rest on Kaoru's hips, mouth doing all the work while he damn near choked himself on Kaoru's dick every single time he bobbed his head. It was wet and sloppy, Die so eager to suck dick that he didn't care he was making a mess, just so long as Kaoru felt good. Little gasps and moans ripped from his throat with every movement he made. His hands wandered, sliding up over Kaoru's hips, across his stomach and up, grabbing one fake tit in his hand and kneading.

Kaoru's back arched, moaning as Die's mouth worked his cock with sloppy expertise. His fingers curled around the red strands of his lover's hair, hips pushing his length past Die's lips more and more as his body started to react emphatically to the sensations his lover was giving him. When the hand slipped up and started to squeeze at his tit, he gave a little start, surprised. Smirking, he looked down at Die and his body writhed, holding the hand against him, squeezing with him. He was thankful for the loose neck of the dress, pulling it down around his other breast, playing over where a nipple would be, winking down at his lover.

Die wasn't looking though, just groping while he sucked dick like a professional whore. More whimpers came from him, his hand groping that breast hard for a moment before going back down and then around to Kaoru's ass. Each suck hollowed out his cheeks and tears slipped down his cheeks from how much he was choking himself on his lover's dick, but he was definitely loving it.

Kaoru pressed himself back against the wall, hips bucking into Die's mouth, feeling the crown of his cock hit the back of Die's throat, turned on even more to see the tears down his lover's cheeks from choking on his dick. He started to pant, so close now. "Fuck, Die. So good, baby, suck it just like that."

Die shoved himself down as far as he could go, nose against Kaoru's groin. He stayed there for a moment and swallowed around him before he went right back to bobbing his head fast, hollowing his cheeks out as he sucked. His own hips shifted restlessly, lady dick throbbing and his cunt slick with need. Sucking dick was one of Die's favorite things and he didn't get to do it nearly as often as he liked. His burning gaze slid up Kaoru's body, coming to rest on his face.

Kaoru put both hands in Die's hair, looking down at his lover, biting his lip. Absolutely gorgeous. With a stuttering gasp, he closed his eyes and threw his head back, gripping Die's hair and pushing into his mouth, letting out a loud moan as he came, his hips stilling. "Show it to me," he croaked out past a tightened throat. "Show me my cum." He wanted to see his load in Die's mouth and watch him swallow it.

Die took it all like a champ. He didn't even hesitate, just pulling back and opening his mouth, tongue cupped to hold Kaoru's cum there. His chin was already sticky from where he'd drooled all over himself while giving head.

Kaoru grinned, reaching down and rubbing Die's cheek, biting his lip to see his cum in his lover's mouth. "Good boy. Now swallow it."

He closed his mouth, swallowing the cum down and then licking his lips. Sitting back, he wiped his hand over his mouth and chin, sniffing a little.

Kaoru's eyebrows rose briefly, a small smile creeping across his mouth. "Lemme see," he quipped, holding Die's chin.

Die opened his mouth, showing over and under his tongue. "No more!" he quipped happily.

Kaoru chuckled, petting his lover's cheek more with his thumb. "Good boy. What should I do to reward my good boy?"

Die sat back further, biting his lip a little. He had an idea of what he wanted, but he wasn't ever going to ask for it. Instead, he just shrugged a little.

Kaoru pouted, batting his eyelashes, straightening up the collar of the dress with one hand, still holding Die's chin. "Oh, come on, sugar. What can I do for you? What do you want?" He swayed back and forth, bending down a little and pressing a kiss to Die's neck. "Don't be so afraid to ask me for things, baby. I might say no, but I won’t get mad."

Die blushed, shaking his head. Nope... no way he was asking for what he had in mind. He shifted a little and then got up, moving off toward the bathroom, swaying a little.

Kaoru gave an almost frustrated sigh, following him, taking off his jewelry and putting it back in the box and hanging the dress back up, going into the bathroom in just his bra and panties, having tucked himself back in, popping off his fake nails and putting them in their little aspirin bottle. He got the makeup for touch ups out of his purse and putting everything back into the caboodle before putting the box away and getting a makeup remover cloth, washing his face, having to really scrub. "I need a shower, baby, do you wanna take one with me?"

Die hadn't expected Kaoru to follow and was heading right for the shower, ditching his boxer briefs along the way. He'd settled down, squatting in the shower by the time Kaoru started into the room. Almost instantly, he popped upright, blushing something awful while he tried to fumble with the shower. "Y-yeah, yeah... shower... right." Yeah... because that wasn't obvious at all. He blushed even more, turning the shower on, ice-cold, and screeching he backed up from it. "Cold! Cold!"

Kaoru reached in, fixing the water for Die, feeling it to make sure it was nice and warm before shucking his panties and bra, taking the tape off of his chest and rubbing at it to take away the sting, stepping into the shower and kissing Die's shoulder.

Die stood there, trembling in the corner of the shower, one hand around his abdomen and the other pushed between his legs. He shifted uncomfortably and whimpered. losing it just a little and peeing for a few seconds before he managed to stop.

Kaoru stepped back under the water, wetting his hair and watching Die with dark eyes, catching on, but playing like he didn't. Stepping to Die, he pressed against him, pressing against Die's stomach. His determination to have Die open up to him overrode his own timidity about the other's fetish. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked with sarcastic mock concern, pressing harder.

Die whimpered when Kaoru moved toward him. He bit his lip and then blushed deeply, ducking his head even more. The pressure was almost too much for him. He closed his eyes and trembled even more. "N-nothing," he whispered.

Kaoru narrowed his eyes at Die a little, slipping his hand down over his lover's over his crotch. "Aaaw, pumpkin! You didn't get off! Do you want me to fuck you?" His voice was almost condescending, pushing Die to just tell him what he wanted, to do what he wanted.

Die didn't miss the tone in Kaoru's voice and it made him feel even worse than he already did. Shivering, he pushed Kaoru's hand away and slid down, hanging his head. A deep blush painted his cheeks while he started to urinate, unable to hold it back anymore.

Kaoru sighed, letting him finish. Gnawing on his lip, he bent down and kissed Die's hair. "Die, you know you can tell me anything."

He finished, shivering, feeling both relieved and disgusted with himself. Stupid... he was really fucking stupid. When Kaoru leaned down and kissed his hair, Die murmured, "Like what?"

Kaoru huffed, getting to washing his hair and body. "Like anything! Like what turns you on, like what you want from me, what you want out of us. If we're going to be serious about this, then no secrets. You know I've got my little kinks, why are you so shy about yours?" He rinsed his hair, looking at Die with a little frown. "It makes me feel like you don't think you can trust me."

Die slowly stood up, his head still bowed, shame written all over his body. He shook his head. "It's not that... it really isn't," he whispered, swiping his hand over his cheeks. "I know you've been ashamed of things before. There's certain things I'm ashamed of."

Kaoru's brows knit together. "Yeah, but I've told you about those things." He shook his head, soaping down quickly, scrubbing away the makeup he'd put on his chest. "Never mind. If it really bothers you, then I won’t push it.”

Die wrapped his arms around his middle, watching Kaoru quietly. He didn't like that he was the cause of this night not ending as well as it would have if he hadn't had stupid, pathetic, _disgusting_ urges like he had. Anger boiled inside him and he finally spit out. "Fine, You want to know everything about me? You want to know my pathetic little disgusting urges?!" He shoved himself almost in Kaoru's face. "I have a thing for piss play. Okay?" He let out a half growl before shoving out of the shower, still completely unwashed and snatching up a towel. "And I hate myself for it! I hate everything about myself when I get the urge to do something about it! I hate that I like it and I hate that I even want to!" He wrapped the towel around his middle and headed off through the apartment toward the balcony, tears in his eyes. "I didn't want you to hate me," he let out quietly, his whole body trembling. He only got to the door of the bedroom before he was on his knees, arm wrapped tight around his middle, shaking like a leaf.

Kaoru shut off the water and went after Die, hating that even after the crying make-up session at the bar, they were both still really on edge. He grabbed a terrycloth robe and threw it around himself, not seeing any more clean towels left, and dropped to his knees behind Die, hugging him. "Baby, I don't hate you! Far from it. And I knew you had a kink for pissing. We've talked about it, sort of." He held onto Die, cheek pressed to his back. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you like that. If it bothers you that much, I'll leave it alone." Standing, he pulled Die up with him, kissing his cheek. "Why don't we just... go to bed, okay? It's late, you have to work tomorrow..."

Die jerked a little when Kaoru came behind him and touched him. He bowed his head a little and then reached for Kaoru's hand. He nodded. "Need to wash still," he murmured, feeling even more dirty now than he had before, the sin of what he'd done tainting him. He accepted the help getting up, sniffling a little as he stood up. He moved off toward the bathroom, shoulders slumped.

Kaoru just frowned, moving to the bedroom and wringing out his hair, letting the robe collect the water. Tired and pouty, he curled up under the covers, lying sort of in the middle so the bed would be warm for Die when he got out of the shower.

Die moved back into the bathroom, getting into the shower and washing himself really, really well. Once he was done, he brushed his teeth and then headed into the bedroom, curling up next to Kaoru on the bed. "I'm sorry," he whispered quietly.

Kaoru wrapped around him, already half asleep. "Don't apologize." He kissed his lover and pulled him down against him, rubbing his back. "Love you..."

"Love you, too," he murmured softly, closing his eyes.

**To Be Continued…**


	34. Chapter 33

Naturally, Die and Kaoru went to the memorial service together. A few people from the bar were there and Die had been somewhere between relieved and uncomfortable about it. Something about being known for what he was by anyone besides Kaoru and bitter exs left a bad taste in his mouth. But he didn't blame Kaoru for doing what he had. It had been needed for their relationship and he knew it.

Things after that had actually been rather complicated. Kaoru's withdrawal had become really difficult... and hard on Die. With his lover always shaking, curling in on himself and becoming entirely reclusive at times, Die had felt like he was walking on eggshells. He didn't want any more explosions like before, and was tired of arguing and snapping.

He spent a few extra hours at work finishing up some projects before the weekend. After the rather cruddy week, Die had been on his way home when his phone alarm went off. He flipped it open and glanced down at it. "Kyaaa! Fuck!" The little display read out: _tomorrow is anniversary_. Die turned right back around and went to the mall, glad it was still open. 

Hours later, with the problem of a gift solved, Die came home. The issue of Morbid Black Light with Kyo in it had come out and Die had picked up a copy, putting it on the table in the living room and flopping into bed next to an already passed out Kaoru.

The following morning Die had woken up to the scent of freshly brewed coffee. He flopped over, rolled out of bed, went through a small portion of his morning routine and padded into the kitchen with his hormone pill in hand, looking like he was still half asleep.

Kaoru was already gone, having made coffee and left a note, along with a plate of croissants on the stove. He'd needed to get some errands done and was having lunch with Sita, leaving in the note, _might be home late_.

Die poured himself a cup of coffee, reading the note and making a face. He took his pill and then sat down, enjoying his coffee. If he couldn't enjoy Kaoru's company, then he'd at least enjoy what he'd left for him.

After that, he made a little bowl of cereal (not really wanting croissants), eating it, and then heading into the front, sitting down and reading through the magazine, smiling as he went through it. He took a picture of one of the spreads, sending it to Kyo. _Look who I found. Surprise surprise._ Putting down the magazine, he went to finish his morning routine and get dressed. Then it was back to the couch, his laptop settled in his lap while he played a rousing game of Ma-Jong.

Kyo texted Die back a little before noon, nearly one in the morning for him. He had just showered in the filthy little stall at the live house after a show and was heading home. _Yay! Kaoru called me yesterday and got my address so he could ship me a couple copies. How are you guys doing?_ Between suddenly deciding to move in together, and Kaoru going through withdrawal, and what he could only assume was lingering tension after the line-crossing he and Die had done, he always had the couple on his mind, genuinely hoping the best for them. After the text had been sent, he sank back into the seat of the car, wincing. Opening another text of a completely different topic, he added _Why does what I do on stage not hurt until after? *in pain*_ He lifted up his shirt and rubbed at the scratches on his chest, pouting.

Die had just lost another game when he got the text back from Kyo. He typed fast. _We're... okay, I guess. Today's supposed to be our first anniversary since we started dating. But Kao went with his friend somewhere. I dunno... at least I remembered a gift I guess._

At the second one, he laughed a little. _It's called adrenaline. You don't have it now that you're off stage._

Kyo sipped cold water, watching the city pass by, something about Nagoya at night that was mildly dangerous and mesmerizing. _A year?! Wow. There's no way he would forget that, right?_ He smelled surprises afoot, but said nothing else, not wanting to ruin it for Die.

Die peered at the text and shrugged a little, unable to help the automatic gesture. _I dunno. I mean, it's not like one year since we officially like said we'd be together, so... *shrug*_

At the second text, Kyo scoffed, pulling up his shirt and turning on the overhead light in the car, snapping a picture of the deep and numerous bloody tracks across his chest, much more than what was usual for him, who generally used his nails or a needle. _I'm a dumbass and filed my nails to points. I bled everywhere. Like... I was fucking covered in my own blood. I think I might get in trouble for this one, but pictures from the show are gonna be great C:_

When Die got the next text with a photo, he bit his lip a little. _Oh, hunny... you'd better put something on those. And be more careful!_

Kyo took a while to get back to Die, having arrived at his apartment and needing to take his keyboard, bag, and acoustic guitar upstairs. Once in, he left everything by the door and headed to the bathroom, stripping down for a second shower. _Still, a year is pretty amazing. And yeah, I'm about to hop in the shower and scrub and then spray it down with Bactine. After that, I'm heading to bed, I'm exhausted. I'll talk to you later, babe._

Die smiled at the text a little and thumbed out. _Sleep well, sweet thang. _He closed his phone and leaned back, rubbing at his abdomen again. Something still felt so empty in there.__

__Kyo smirked at the endearment, putting his phone on the counter and climbing into a hot shower, again._ _

__It was quiet for another few hours until around four, Kaoru called Die, pretty upset and talking immediately when he lover answered the phone. "Baby," he sniffed, his breathing sort of stuttering, "my car won’t start and Sita's already headed back home. Will you come get me?" He was easily upset by everything anymore, his emotions fragile and quick to plummet into frustration or depression. He gave another sniff. "I'm sorry..."_ _

__Die sat around looking at his emails, feeling exceptionally bored until the call came, he listened and then got up. "Where are you, love?"_ _

__Kaoru tugged at his hair a little, pouting. "At Clark and Union. I'm by this little flower shop." He sniffed some more, leaning back in the seat of his car. He knew Die would be able to find it easily; it was only a block down from the art museum._ _

__Die nodded a little. "Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a few. Do you think it's the battery?" He scurried around, getting on his clothing and then leaving the apartment, keys in hand._ _

__Kaoru made a few more pouty sounds. "I dunno what it is... maybe the battery? Whatever. Call me when you get close, I think I'm gonna walk around and smoke."_ _

__"Alright. See you soon." He headed out to the car, getting in and heading toward the location. There were jumper cables and a few other tools in the back if it was just something minor._ _

__Kaoru answered within the first ring when Die called. "Hey, baby! I'm up the street at the sculpture garden, why don't you park here for a second?" He knew Die would turn off Main Street and pass him in a second and certainly wouldn't miss him and his huge bouquet of calla lilies and red roses, trying not to make it obvious in his voice that he was smiling widely._ _

__"Okay," Die replied, pointing the vehicle toward the sculpture garden. Immediately he saw Kaoru and his cheeks flushed as he moved to pull off and park._ _

__Kaoru couldn't wipe his smile off, staying where he was, stood in front of one of the Rodins, hugging the big bouquet and waiting for Die to get out of the car and come over to him. Sheepishly, he bit his lip and admitted, "Nothing's wrong with my car."_ _

__Once Die had parked and gotten out of the car, he went to Kaoru. His cheeks were rosy with embarrassment, but he immediately pulled Kaoru close by the waist and planted a kiss on his lips. "Happy anniversary, baby."_ _

__Kaoru kissed him back, pulling away and hitting Die's shoulder, laughing. "Dammit! You remembered, I was gonna totally blind-side you!" He chuckled to let Die know he was kidding, hugging him carefully with the bouquet between them, offering them to his lover. "Like them?" he asked, bashful all of a sudden. He rubbed his brow with one hand, biting his lip. "So I guess this means you remember what happened here." He was talking a lot, nervous._ _

__Die smiled, nodding as he took the flowers. "Your gift is at home." Another soft smile. "And yes, I do remember. How could I forget?"_ _

__Kaoru handed over the flowers, brushing his hair back from his face. "Well, I mean, it's not like our _real_ anniversary or whatever... but..." He shook his head, face turning red. "I dunno. I just, I feel like we're at a point that it was good to come back to the place I first knew I wanted you, that I first became so addicted to your kiss, and knew, just knew that you were going to change me." His hands shook and he put them on Die's hips, trying not to get emotional. "You really have changed me, you know that? Before you, I was really bottled up, and pretty, ah, how to say it, cold? You... you made me more excited about my life than I've been in a really long time, and no matter what's going on between us, good or bad, it's always... real, I feel alive when I'm with you."_ _

__Tears had welled up in his eyes, but he blinked them back, putting back on a smile. "Anyway, I thought maybe we could make another step forward from here..." His grin became a little playful. "I've had a bitch of a time getting in touch with anyone about most of the houses we've been looking at, but! At five, we have an appointment with the landlord to go and see the little yellow house with the white porch in West View." He seemed rather proud of himself about this, moving closer to Die, rubbing his back. "After that, we can go get dinner at that nice Chinese place, maybe." He hugged his lover fully, resting his chin on his shoulder. "And then we can go home and have a _lot_ of sex.”_ _

__Die blushed a little bit as Kaoru spoke, his fingertips dancing over the flowers gently. They were very pretty. "It's real... just as real as us," he murmured. He would have said something really romantic, but he wasn't the type to pull wonderful words out of thin air. It took time and careful pre-planning. Instead, he just stood there smiling like an idiot until Kaoru said he thought they could move forward. Immediately Die's eyes lit up and he nodded. "We really get to go see that place?" The one he'd liked because of the porch. That seemed so sweet and he wondered how much Kaoru had really had to work on getting that one for them to look at._ _

__Kaoru nodded, petting the side of Die's neck. "Yep, we really do. The landlord... land mistress? She lives in the neighborhood and said she wouldn't mind just walking up the street and letting us see the house. She's had some trouble renting it because previous tenants have apparently left the place wrecked, so, she's cautious. ...I thought about covering my tattoos with makeup, honestly, but, I didn't wanna be dishonest. I mean, we're nice people, right? We should be fine."_ _

__Die smiled softly at him. "Yeah... I hope." Though if she'd had problems he wondered if it would be an issue that they were both men who were obviously together._ _

__Kaoru pulled back a little and sort of steepled his hands in front of him. "Speaking of... I guess, I mean, she said she'd had issues with lots of drugs and parties with the other tenants, but, anyway." He shook his head to clear it, sort of babbling now, then lifted his right hand and spread the fingers or Die to see. "I used to wear a ring, the first time I got clean. I lost it at some point, but... I needed something permanent, anyway. Something I can't take off." Along the inside of his ring finger, in delicate black script with violet highlights and shadowing, was simply _conquer_. "A guy I know is a tattoo artist, and I do portfolios of his work or him and he trades me free ink." He shrugged a little. "I needed you to know, and _me_ to know, too, that I'm serious about this. This has to be the last time I get clean, the last time I have to, because if it's not, it'll kill me."_ _

__Die listened to Kaoru speak, nodding a little and then looking at the tattoo. He brushed his fingers over it and bit his lip slightly. "Let's hope this really is the last time," he murmured, sighing a little and then slipping his arm around Kaoru's waist. "So, we should go then?" he asked softly._ _

__A little bit of indignation rose up in Kaoru, taking the statement to mean Die still didn't trust that he was getting clean, that he was serious about it, but he forced it out of his mind, knowing he was paranoid when he was coming off coke and didn't want to start any bickering today. He nodded and leaned into Die, grabbing him by the back of the neck and kissing him deeply for a moment. "Sure. Your car or mine?"_ _

__Die moved into the kiss, letting out a soft moan and then gesturing toward his car. "Mine's good," he murmured, leading them off._ _

__Kaoru blushed a little, nodding and heading towards his lover's car, taking the flowers back for him. "There's little stay-fresh packets in the wrapping, so they should be fine until we get home. You could put them in the vase you gave me, maybe?"_ _

__Die nodded a bit, "That sounds good." Climbing into the car, he opened Kaoru's side and then started the car._ _

__Kaoru buckled his seatbelt, laying the flowers across his lap. Smiling softly, he reached over and played with Die's earlobe for a moment. "You remember how to get there?"_ _

__Die blinked a little and then nodded, blushing because of the playing with his earlobe. "Yeah, I do." He pulled out and headed toward the neighborhood, then down the proper little street, slowing to look for the right house._ _

__Kaoru leaned forward, the neighborhood looking a lot different in the daylight. They went down a hill, where the streets were curbed with red brick, most of the houses on one side having bricks leading down from the street to a little walkway to the porch of the house. On one such set of stairs sat a blonde woman in casual clothes, coral and tan and cut loosely for the warm weather, in front of the pale yellow house with a white-washed porch. He pointed to it and smiled. "There it is!"_ _

__Die pulled up in front of the house, not seeing anywhere for his car to be parked on the lot. He exited the car and then came around to open Kaoru's door, taking his hand once he was out and then heading up toward the house with him._ _

__Kaoru put the flowers in his seat and got out, squeezing Die's hand, going down the steps from the street to greet the woman, plump and in her early forties with a giant smile._ _

__"Kaoru?" she butchered his name, but tried. "It's good to meet you after talking to you on the phone, I'm Julie."_ _

__Kaoru dropped Die's hand to shake hers and then gestured towards his lover. "Hi, Julie. This is Die."_ _

__Die stood quietly next to Kaoru, looking a little nervous more than anything else. His eyes flickered toward the house just behind the woman, taking in the pretty white porch he'd liked so much when he'd first seen it. He loved railed-in porches, wanting to lean on the rails and just enjoy the day for a few minutes each day and he knew he needed one. It was mostly why he'd said he liked this house._ _

__Her perky grin got even bigger as she reached to shake Die's hand, greeting him. "I guess we might as well get started, show you around." Her voice was bubbly, as was her attitude and mannerisms. She was a little like a living cartoon character. Turning, she unlocked the front door. "I gotta tell you, I've got a good feeling already, and it's a long time coming. I've been losing money not renting this one out, but I'm really cautious after the last few renters."_ _

__Die took the woman's hand, shaking it. "Nice to meet you," he murmured. After that, he was quiet, heading up the steps to the porch, his hand going to touch the railing for a moment before he followed into the house._ _

__Julie opened the door and stepped in, switching on the light. The living room had four recessed lights in a smaller square over it. A large window faced out towards the street, a small one into the side yard. A door to the right led into an open bedroom, another beside it into a bathroom, and open archway adjacent to the bathroom door opening into what seemed like a dining area, which went back into a breakfast nook with a large window out into the tiny yard and the alley behind it where they could park._ _

__Julie walked over to the corner of the living room, standing beside the large window and pointing to a rather odd, shallow alcove that was set into the wall to the left of the smaller window. Rather high above it was a mantle. "This used to be the fireplace. I don't really know why they took it out, and why they left the little alcove here. Most people stick their TVs in it."_ _

__She shrugged, walking around the room and letting them look. Kaoru squeezed Die's hand, whispering excitedly, "It's like a tokonoma!" before quieting and looking around in awe, taking the little house in, trying to imagine it with furniture on the bare hardwood floors._ _

__Die moved around with Kaoru, tilting his head a little. "Like a what?" He had no idea what on earth that was and he knew it was something he should know because he was Japanese, but he truly just didn't know._ _

__Kaoru switched quietly to Japanese as they looked around the room. "You know the little recessed area at my parent’s house that had that ink painting and the bonsai? That's a tokonoma."_ _

__Die replied, "Ohhhhh," softly to the explanation. That he could remember from the house, fortunately._ _

__Die headed off toward the bedroom area, peering in. There was a nice plush brand-new carpet in the bedroom. It looked super soft and Die immediately wanted to stick his feet into it and curl his toes. But he didn't dare even really go in the room with his shoes on, just peering in with a curious look, seeing the open closet in the back. The woman explained how that was the only room with carpet in it and it had been put in after the last renters had left._ _

__Kaoru looked into the bedroom and listened about the carpet, smirking, continuing in his native language, "That should make sex on the floor much more comfortable." He patted Die's ass discreetly and then moved behind Julie into the dining area, a high bar separating it from the kitchen, a T-shaped wall creating a little more separation between the kitchen, living room, and dining area. The counter tops were nice - fake, but not tacky looking - and the cabinets were a dark wood with brassy knobs. He walked around the counter and gasped excitedly. "Stone floors!"_ _

__Die followed Kaoru into the kitchen and dining area, looking around. It was nice, really nice actually. Chuckling at Kaoru, he moved back toward the bathroom, peering inside and then calling excitedly, "Kaoru! It has a claw-foot tub!" Indeed, it did. It wasn't an old model, just a new replica, but it was still really pretty and big enough for one of them to fit in comfortably. A small glassed off area to the side contained the shower and then on the other side of the room, the sink and counter space with a toilet off in the corner._ _

__Julie put her hands on her hips, watching as Kaoru went up behind Die, wrapping his arms around his waist, giving an "Oooh, aaah," at the bathroom. "You two are real cute." Kaoru blushed. "How long have you been together?"_ _

__Kaoru bit his lip, blushing more. "A year."_ _

__"First time living together?"_ _

__Kaoru nodded. It was easier than explaining they'd been living together at his apartment for the last few weeks. The woman sort of smiled and then gestured around the dining area. "The stove is glass top, so, electric. The washer and dryer and the fridge have all been replaced within the last few years, and are Energy Star, so it cuts back a bit on the utilities bill. It's city water, but you can stick a Brita on the faucet and you're good, and the fridge has a water dispenser, so drinking water shouldn't be a problem, anyway."_ _

__Die blushed, biting his lips a little when she said they were cute. He let Kaoru answer for them and just nodded. His fingers laced with Kaoru's as he padded back into the kitchen and looked around. It was nice in there. "Is there a washer and dryer included?"_ _

__Kaoru rubbed his thumb over the back of Die's hand. Julie nodded and went through the breakfast nook. "Yep, I installed these little rolling track doors to cut it off from the breakfast room, but they're in here, and there's lots of room for storage, too."_ _

__Die moved along with Julie, pulling Kaoru along to go see the washer and dryer. They weren't top of the line or anything, but the at least weren't tiny pieces of shit either. Better than nothing. He moved over to the other bedroom, this one with wood flooring rather than carpet and glanced around._ _

__Kaoru gazed around the room, hugging Die around the waist. "What if we got one of those futon couches in here, so guests could sleep over, but we could use the room as a studio?" He looked up at Die, rubbing his hip._ _

__Die nodded a little. "Sounds okay." He blinked a little and then murmured, "Can I choose the stuff for the bedroom? Like paint color and decoration?" Or maybe the bathroom if Kaoru didn't like that._ _

__Julie chuckled at them. "Whoa, whoa, guys! It's not yours yet!" She crossed her arms and leaned back against the high bar area at the back of the kitchen counter. "I take it you like it, then?"_ _

__Kaoru turned around, beaming. "I do. A lot." He looked at Die. "Baby?"_ _

__Die blushed, having kind of forgotten that the woman was there for a long moment. He nodded when she asked. "Yeah," he replied softly, nervously rubbing his arm._ _

__She tilted her head, looking at them. "I've stopped trusting my instincts, because I think I'm just too nice sometimes and I've been rolled pretty hard on the last few tenants, so, please don't be offended when I ask that, if you're interested in this place, I get three references for both of you to make sure you're not going to tear through here. Current landlords, work references, whichever." She shrugged. "Also, the usual credit checks, social security number or some sort of documentation of legal residency, that sort of thing."_ _

__Die listened to her, speaking up when necessary. "Would one apartment manager and my current employer be enough?" He chewed his lip a little. "I don't really have a third reference except jobs I haven't worked at in years." He looked a bit concerned. "But I've been with my current job for a long time and my credit is near perfect." He always got his credit reports each year, making sure it was fine and trying to figure out what to do to make it better_ _

__The older woman nodded, scratching the back of her head at the question about only having two references. "That's fine, I guess."_ _

__Kaoru nodded. That wouldn't be too hard. He moved forward into the dining room. "What's the rent?"_ _

__Julie made an almost apologetic face. "Well, it's more expensive than some of the other houses in the area, mostly because I've put a lot of work into it, and it's got a great yard; it's a thousand a month, with a five hundred dollar security deposit, so if you're serious, once we get all the references and paperwork out of the way, it would be fifteen hundred up front." Kaoru bit his lip. "Oh!" she added, "Water is included with that." He gave a little shrug. That was a little better, he supposed. He thought about it, turning to Die and raising his brows. It wasn't any farther away from work for Die, so gas wouldn't change, and between the two of them, they would be paying less than their current rents. "What do you think?"_ _

__Die shrugged a little. "Between us, it's less, right? I mean I was paying eight hundred and twenty for my apartment."_ _

__Kaoru turned fully, facing Die. "Is that a yes? Or do you wanna think on it longer, get back to her?" Julie tactfully pretended to not be listening, going to shut the little sliding door to the laundry room._ _

__Die bit his lip hard and then took a deep breath. "Give me a minute, okay?" He headed through the house, peeking in corners, up in 'wet' areas that might be growing mold, finding the water heater and making sure it was okay, trying the AC and heat, and even checking all the light switches and outlets. Then he passed Julie, slipping outside. "Just gonna walk around the outside, okay?" With that, he was off, walking the perimeter and making sure he didn't see any obvious damage, and finding a few things. He came back in and went straight to Julie. "Two roof tiles missing on the west side, siding is damaged on the southeast corner, and there's a hornets’ nest that I seriously don't want to deal with under the eve on the back porch. Little bit of mold in the corner of the shower and the handle on the hot water in the sink is loose. That all gets fixed and I'm good."_ _

__Kaoru blushed a little, watching Die head off, walking around the house. "That's my man," he said, half proud, half embarrassed._ _

__Julie blinked at him when he came back in. "Aaah," she felt around in her pockets, finding a pen and pad. "What was that again? I'll get some guys out as soon as I can to fix it up."_ _

__Die grinned at her, leaning on the counter and listing off the things one at a time, including the actual corners of the house that the problems were in and descriptions of the exact problems. He smiled softly and then glanced over at Kaoru. "So... I assume that means you're okay with us too then?"_ _

__Julie stood up, tucking the pad back into her pocket, smirking. "What, about the hair, the tattoos, the gay Asian flair? Hell no!" She laughed a little. "There's families and older couples in this neighborhood, but honestly, a lot of us are just hippies and democrats, and a lot of the college kids and the local artists live around here. You'd fit right in, I promise."_ _

__Kaoru clapped a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing too hard. "Well, when you put it so bluntly..." He smiled, putting his hands back in his pockets. "So, um, I guess we can call you early next week, get together references, credit reports, all the paperwork and whatnot?"_ _

__She nodded, bouncing her fist on the counter in an oddly relaxed gesture. "Sounds great. In the meantime, I'll get my husband out to fix some of the things on the list, try to get some guys over to do the roof. If things go smoothly, you two might be in here as early as next weekend."_ _

__Die laughed softly, shaking his head. That was funny. "Really? Next week?" He looked so very hopeful._ _

__She shrugged. "Sure. So long as it doesn't take forever to back-check everything, ease my mind there's no hidden home-wreckers or drug dealers in you two,” - Kaoru flinched, glad she wasn't looking at him just then - "then yeah, I could give you the keys next week, so long as you could actually make the first payment by then. If everything still comes through and you can't pay yet, so long as no one else comes along looking at the house, I could give you another week or so." Another shrug. "I teach, and it's summer, so it's not like I really have anything to do." She gave a little laugh._ _

__Kaoru shook his head. "No, no, money isn't an issue. I'll have everything to you by Monday, if I can." He looked at Die, his eyes letting his lover know how excited he was to think that they could very well be standing in their first place together, but he kept collected._ _

__Die nodded, keeping his face straight all through her little speech. "I think we have some money saved up." Kaoru replied with exactly what Die expected and it made him smile a little._ _

__"Sounds great, guys." She made two thumbs-up and then made sure the back door was locked, walking them back through the house._ _

__Kaoru put his hand on the small of Die's back, a little smile on his lips as he followed Julie out, giving a last look around the house before she turned off the lights and locked up. Walking up the street, she pulled out her card from her pocket and handed it to Die. "Kaoru has my number, but just in case you've got any questions, there's that." She reached to shake both of their hands again. "I can't wait to hear from you, hopefully we can get you both in the house very soon."_ _

__Kaoru shook her hand a bit enthusiastically, walking around to the passenger door of Die's car as Julie waved and started walking down the street to her own house just a couple blocks away._ _

__Die took the car and shook her hand, nodding. "Thank you so much." Somehow, he was a bit shell-shocked, not having expected the first house they found to be the one they chose. But... such was life, he supposed. He slid into the car and snapped on his seatbelt, starting the engine and then waving back at Julie._ _

__Kaoru put the flowers back in his lap, gnawing on his lip, already making a mental list of what all he needed to get together tomorrow so that he could get it to Julie on Monday. He felt a little like holding his breath, afraid to be really excited until the keys to the house were in his hand. He looked at Die, asking sheepishly, "Are... are you getting cold feet?" It wasn't an accusation or anything like that, he was just curious if maybe Die was having second thoughts, didn't feel as ready as he thought it was, now that they weren't just talking about it and were actually really working towards getting their own place._ _

__Die blinked when Kaoru asked him that, an odd look coming over his face. Rather than censoring his thoughts like usual, he just blurted out, "What would give you that impression?"_ _

__Kaoru shook his head, shrugging a little. "Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you're really serious about this." He pursed his lips, looking down at his lap. "I mean... the last few months have been rough for us. This is kind of a risk, ya know? And, say this is what we need, say we move in and a month from now, things are great again. If that happens... well, I mean, we could be here for a few years." He rubbed at his knee a little. "You know, me and you..."_ _

__Die nodded. "Yeah... that's the direction I want things to go... I really do. If I were having second thoughts, I would have been kind of horrified about looking at the house, not excited." He found himself driving toward where Kaoru said his car was parked, not sure what was going on._ _

__Kaoru's heart clenched to hear Die say that he wanted to head in that direction. Relief poured through him and he relaxed back into the seat, reaching across to rub the back of Die's neck. "Mm, good." He smiled a little and then realized they were heading back to his car. "Do you still want to do dinner?"_ _

__"Yeah, that would be nice." He blinked, remembering something about... a Chinese restaurant? "Where though?"_ _

__Kaoru shrugged. "I was thinking Sun Ming's, but..." He smirked a bit. "Maybe we should go back to the tapas bar?" He'd leave it up to Die, maybe repeating their first date on the anniversary of it was kind of corny, but he couldn't help throwing the idea out there._ _

__Die thought about it for a bit. Right then he felt more like Sun Ming's than tapas. He turned, heading that direction. "Tapas another day, yeah? I feel like Asian food right now."_ _

__Kaoru nodded, fine with that, turning in the seat to look at Die for a while. He was gnawing at the inside of his lip and rubbing at the fresh tattoo on his finger, staring at his lover's profile. "Thank you."_ _

__Die cocked his head slightly to the side. "For?"_ _

__Kaoru's lip trembled and he tried not to get too worked up about it, but he'd been rather unstable lately. "For believing in me. For staying." He sniffed, looking at the flowers in his lap. "I know... I know it's been really rough, but, the best parts of my day are when you come home to me." A single tear ran down his cheek, but he pushed on. "And when I wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and hurting and my heart pounding and just wanting to use more than anything else... and then I feel you beside me, and I just lay down and go back to sleep." He gave a big sigh, trying to cut the waterworks off, reaching across the car again to put his fingers through Die's hair. "Thank you for loving me."_ _

__Die listened to him. He'd been there each night when Kaoru woke up, had pretended to be asleep, though something about the way Kaoru woke always roused him in the process. If he'd felt his lover leave the bed, he would have told him he was awake, but there was no point in humiliating him night-after-night by letting him know he knew what was going on. He reached over with one hand, touching Kaoru's knee. "I like having you beside me, too," he mumbled, not really knowing what to say._ _

__Kaoru laid his hand over Die's, nodding, falling quiet while they drove to the restaurant. He'd gotten out what he'd been wanting to tell Die for weeks, now, and it felt good. He had always had a hard time admitting when he fucked up, when he couldn't handle everything by himself, but it was a little easier when admitting that also meant telling Die how much he meant to him, how important he was in his life._ _

__Die parked the car at the restaurant, getting out and coming around to open Kaoru’s door, smiling softly at him when the other looked up at him._ _

__Kaoru smiled in return, getting out of the car and setting the flowers in the seat again, slipping his arm around Die's waist. "Well aren't you the perfect gentleman," he purred._ _

__Die laughed. "Right... we'll see how long that lasts, won't we?" He maneuvered Kaoru toward the entrance, opening the door and slipping in after him._ _

__Kaoru rolled his eyes at him, smiling as he slipped into the restaurant, dim, lit mostly with candles on the table and soft-glowing lamps, frosted glass separating sections of tables, decorated with dragons and koi. He walked up to the hostess desk, reaching back for Die's hand and waiting for one of the hostesses to come and lead them to a table._ _

__A petite young woman came out, peering at them and then asking, "Two?" in a perky voice. Die nodded, leaning in and murmuring to her that he wanted a semi-private table if at all possible. She led them off toward one and he smiled, taking Kaoru with him._ _

__Kaoru smirked, squeezing onto Die's hand as they were led to the table and given menus, settling into his seat and opening the menu up, scanning it and thanking the hostess, looking at the wine list. "I've been thinking... maybe I should stop drinking and smoking pot, too." The weed would be hard to give up, not from an addiction standpoint, but because it was often the only thing that ebbed the pain of his sometimes severe headaches._ _

__Die screwed up his nose a little at that. "I don't think giving up booze is the best idea... I mean... I would hate to give it up and well... I'm a selfish brat." He gave Kaoru a cheesy grin and then shook his head. "No... I guess... if you want to... I would, too.”_ _

__Kaoru chuckled at him a little. "You wouldn't have to give it up. I mean, I'm not addicted to either of them, but, they _are_ drugs." He shrugged a little. "It's just something I've been thinking about lately... I know you don't like that I still smoke weed."_ _

__Die frowned to himself a little. "It's only fair to give up what you do. Things work that way, you know."_ _

__Kaoru cocked a brow at Die, still looking over the wine list. "No it doesn't, baby. If you did coke and quit so that I could quit, then it works that way. But do you think I gave up porn and jacking off, too?" He shot Die another little look. "What do you think I do while you're at work?" He couldn't help but smirk a little._ _

__Die's eyes widened a fraction and then he blushed brightly, ducking his head. A tiny, "Oh," escaped him, the concept kind of clicking home with him._ _

__Kaoru chuckled darkly, watching his lover blush. "Hey, everybody needs some alone time. However," he leaned forward and put his chin in his hand, "if it makes you feel better, I'll wait until you get home next time and you can watch me." He winked and then leaned back, turning his attention to the wine list once again and completely changing gears, hoping he had effectively left Die squirming._ _

__Die bit his lip hard when it came up that he could watch. He really liked watching guys jack off and honestly, he really wanted to watch Kaoru. But then again, he really wanted to touch himself again, too. But that hadn't happened in a long while and probably still wouldn't._ _

__"Well, it _is_ a semi-special occasion. Do you want to get a bottle of wine?" He leaned back and crossed his slender legs, smiling at Die, the candle light flickering across his face, lighting his sharp features in stark contrast._ _

__Die tapped on the wine list over a very sweet red. "That one?"_ _

__Kaoru looked down at Die's selection, nodding with a smile. "Sure." He turned to the appetizers list. "Did you want to get spring rolls again, or something different?" He flicked his hair over his shoulder, eyes flickering to Die every few seconds. Something about his lover in candlelight was even more beautiful than usual, his features catching the light just right._ _

__Die shrugged a bit. "You choose this time."_ _

__Kaoru gave a crooked grin, nodding. When the waitress returned, he asked for the bottle of wine Die had selected and an appetizer of dumplings before looking over the entrees, his hand sneaking across the table to find Die's. "You got in late last night, did you get everything done at work you needed to?"_ _

__Die blinked a little and then shrugged. "It's all good. Just some random shit that needed to get finished."_ _

__Kaoru nodded a little, petting the other's slim fingers. He bit his lip before asking, "What about the photo of mine you were thinking about using?" He didn't want to push, they'd be alright if Die had decided to go in another direction, or if he hadn't been able to convince his employers to pay much for it, but the extra money right now would help a lot for them._ _

__Die stared at him a bit and then nodded. "That project hasn't come up again yet. The company will come back in a few weeks though and I want to run with it."_ _

__Kaoru nodded, flipping through the menu, looking over at Die's. "Have any idea what you want?" Just as he was asking, the waitress brought out wine glasses and the bottle of red, opening it and pouring Die a little, waiting for him to taste it before she poured them both full glasses._ _

__Die picked up the wine glass, swirling it a little and then moving it to gently sip. It was fruity, just like he wanted it to be and he nodded, putting the glass back down on the table. He shrugged a little at the question of what he wanted. He hadn't a clue, honestly._ _

__Both glasses were poured and Kaoru chose on a whim from the menu, closing it and setting it aside, rubbing Die's finger more as he sipped the wine. "Mm, this is good. I usually only like white."_ _

__Die just closed his eyes and pointed at something, peeking after a moment to make sure he didn't point at something with raw fish. It ended up being orange chicken and he laughed. "Orange chicken, apparently," he murmured before putting the menu aside. "Ah... yeah, I like fruity things." After a moment, having deadpanned it, he busted up laughing, shaking his head._ _

__Kaoru watched Die's little dart-throwing pick for food, smirking. At the comment about the wine, he actually turned bright red. "Aw shit," he said with a nervous smile, rubbing his forehead. He hated sometimes how his personality was just so... queeny. He tried to butch it up, and when angry or serious, there certainly was nothing camp about it, but he was an artsy gay boy at heart, and would probably always be a queen._ _

__Die reached across the table, patting Kaoru's hand. "What can I say? I mean... it's not like it's a bad thing."_ _

__Kaoru shook his head, trying to dismiss it. "I know, I just..." He shook his head again. "Never mind." He smiled and squeezed Die's hand, swirling his forefinger around on his lover's palm._ _

__Die sat there, sipping at his wine and just studying his lover across the table. "I love you," he announced kind of out of nowhere._ _

__Kaoru seemed to melt a little just hearing that, smiling serenely and playing with his hair for a second. He licked his lips and leaned on his elbow again, giving Die a grin. "You're gorgeous, you know that?"_ _

__Die blushed faintly, trying hard not to be a pain and start shaking his head like he felt like doing. Instead, he just murmured, "Thank you."_ _

__Kaoru smiled at the blush, reaching across the table and rubbing Die's cheek with his thumb before leaning back. When the waitress came, he ordered hunan tofu with peanuts and brown rice, letting Die order for himself, not sure what kind of rice or specific add-ons he might want._ _

__Die added on Jasmine rice and asked for some water chestnuts to be added into the mix. He leaned back and crossed his legs in a rather lady-like fashion, sniffing a bit. "Smells good in here.”_ _

__Kaoru just nodded, would have even if it smelled like a garbage can. Something about looking at Die now almost felt like a first date all over again, absorbed by him, happy just to be in his presence. He smiled a little, taking a sip from his water glass. "I can't believe it's been a year since we first kissed. It feels like a lot longer, and at the same time, a few days."_ _

__Die blushed a bit and then nodded. "Yeah... it's true... it feels like forever and nothing." Another sip of wine and then a soft smile. "That's usually a good sign... right?"_ _

__A little nod from Kaoru. "I think so. I think it means we've had a good time together, right?" He reached for Die's hand again, playing with his fingertips. Absently, he mused, "I wonder what five years would feel like..." Blushing a bit, not wanting to have implied anything with that, he'd just been thinking out loud, he rubbed the top of Die's forefinger along the top edge of his tattoo._ _

__Die's eyes darkened a bit and he gnawed on his lower lip, thinking about it. He smiled after a moment though. "Yeah... I wonder_ _

__Kaoru licked his lips. "Maybe we'll find out." He lifted his wine glass and took another sip, a waitress delivering the plate of dumplings to their table. Kaoru picked up the pair of chopsticks and plucked one from the plate, dipping it into the little bowl of sauce, taking a bite._ _

__Die picked up his wine glass, tilting it in the air a bit. "To us." Then he took a sip and put it back down, reaching for a dumpling as well_ _

__Kaoru picked up his glass. "That I can definitely drink to." He chinked his glass to Die's and took a sip, setting it down and then taking another dumpling, leaning across the table and holding it out to Die, a little smirk on his lips._ _

__Die leaned forward, his tongue darting out to help support the dumpling before he leaned in more and took it into his mouth_ _

__Kaoru smiled at him, taking another sip of wine. His eyes continued to rake Die, the possibilities of what they were getting themselves into mulling through his mind. Happy years together juxtaposed with more fights weighted as options in his head. He hoped the not-so-pretty thoughts were just paranoia. A happy life with Die was all he could hope for._ _

__The redhead chewed and swallowed before picking up the wine glass and downing the rest of the glass. He placed it back on the table and caught the waitress as she went by, asking for water with lemon. She scurried off and brought it back in less than a minute, making Die give her an amazed look. He sipped at it, trying to dilute the alcohol in his body enough to stay sober._ _

__Kaoru poured him another glass, lifting a brow at the waitress and then commenting when she left, "Think she wants a good tip?"_ _

__Die laughed, nodding. "I think so." And he also thought it would be coming to her with this kind of efficiency._ _

__Kaoru ate another dumpling, chewing slowly. Crossing his legs, he relaxed back. "So... how would you decorate the bedroom?" he asked, going back to a question Die had asked earlier while they were being shown the house._ _

__"Hmm... well, I know our styles are rather different and our stuff will probably clash really bad. So I thought maybe we could do something completely different, something more in between?" He wasn't entirely sure what, though he knew he'd have to stop himself from going all art-school on the walls._ _

__Kaoru leaned on his hand and listened, thinking. "Mm," another nod, "I was thinking that, too. That it will be the first time we have _our_ space, and the bedroom will definitely be the most important, I mean, that’s our most intimate place together." He finished his glass of wine and poured another, nibbling around the edge of another dumpling. "I trust you, though, so long as he you don't mind me maybe making suggestions along the way?"_ _

__"Yeah, that's cool. I mean, I'm not like... a hard-ass or anything when it comes to it. I just like to have a larger part on something than just nodding my head, you know?"_ _

__Kaoru nodded, then tilted his head. "I..." His hand went to Die's once more. "I don't do that to you, do I?" He knew he had a controlling nature, but he hoped that wasn't how Die felt, like he was just expected to go along with whatever Kaoru wanted._ _

__Die blushed darkly and looked a little panicked for a moment before cooling off. "Um... well... not... really?" He shook his head. "I just want to have one place I know I did so I don't feel like... well... like we're just moving to another place that's yours again. It's me, Kaoru, it really is. I just need to feel like I did something."_ _

__Kaoru frowned, sort of wilting. "It's not, baby. Wherever we finally move in, it's _ours_. That's the whole point." He felt another fight coming on, some other point of tension between them and it made him want to just give up and start to cry. He pulled himself together, though, squeezing Die's hand. "I don't care what it looks like. I just want a place where we come home to each other, and we share, and we make a life _together_. You and me... that's all I want, that's all I care about."_ _

__Die bit his lip a little and then nodded. He didn't want to fight right then, not in the least. And besides, it wasn't worth fighting over. "How about... I get to paint the walls and then we choose everything else together? Like I'll find somewhere I think is good to shop and we go do it?" Because, really, their bedroom should be... well... _theirs_._ _

__Kaoru smiled. "That sounds good." He nodded. "I'm sure paint options will be limited to light or neutral colors, I forgot to ask Julie about that, but, sure." He toed Die's ankle, rubbing his fingers over his lover's wrist. "How about the dining room and the breakfast nook? Or the bathroom? One of those could be your solo project. I'd really like to take over the kitchen, if you don't have any qualms about that, and everything else, we can do together."_ _

__Die tapped his lip thoughtfully and then replied, "Bathroom?" with a little shrug. That wasn't so hard and had some nice stuff to spruce up._ _

__A little smirk crossed Kaoru's lips and he winked at his lover. "Go for it, baby." He flipped Die's hand over and started to play the tips of his fingers over the other's broad palm. "It's really interesting thinking back to how you looked a year ago and noticing the changes," he mused. "Like, your stubble is thicker. I can never see it, but when I kiss you, I can feel it. Your shoulders are a little broader and you seem more solid, like, muscular. Also, I was listening to my voicemail yesterday and there's one on there I saved of you from around our first date, and I didn't even realize that your voice has gotten a lot deeper." He gave a lopsided grin. "The hair, too... it sets your features off when it's shorter and makes them look much more masculine."_ _

__Die tilted his head a little. "Really?" He hadn't noticed much. Granted, he had to shave more often now in order to keep things in line, trim certain places more often... but it wasn't really that much. He grinned. "Wow... I hadn't even thought about it."_ _

__Kaoru bit the inside of his lip, nodding. "Yep. Your voice especially has changed. Before, it wasn't particularly feminine, but you sounded younger. Now you sound more your age, and it's deeper. A little rough. Even sexier." His eyes flashed with a little lusty promise for later._ _

__Die shivered a little and took a long drink from his water. After a few moments, he reached back across the table and gently patted his hand before curling his fingers around it. "I love you."_ _

__Kaoru's nose crinkled cutely. "You're my favorite person on the planet." He reached with his chopsticks and popped another dumpling into his mouth, chewing with a little satisfied purr._ _

__Die grinned, settling back and crossing his arms loosely over his abdomen. "You're the only person on my planet." Well... wasn't that awkward._ _

__Kaoru's face fell. It always made his heart hurt to think about that; that really, only him, and half-way across the world Kyo, were the only people there for Die. It put a lot of pressure on him, and he wished his lover could make some sort of amends with his family, so that he'd feel like his lover had even a little support there. If they saw him now, would they realize they missed him? That even if it wasn't their daughter, it was certainly still their child? He frowned, pursing his lips. "I'm sorry."_ _

__Die made a little face. "You know... you don't have to be sorry." He rubbed his cheek a little, feeling a bit awkward._ _

__Kaoru sighed, shrugging. "Sorry's not the right word, I guess." He swirled wine around in his glass, pursing his lips. "It just makes me sad to know you don't really have anyone that's there for you, other than me and Kyo. And there's no good reason for that. Die, you're an amazing person, if you opened up a little, I bet you'd find there are people around you that already really like you and would want to form some sort of friendship." He sighed again. "And I really wish... I just wish there was some way you could come to some sort of understanding with your family. I know you really can't do anything about that, but I still wish that for you. My family is extremely important to me, I couldn't imagine being treated by them the way you have."_ _

__Die sat there quietly, listening to Kaoru talk about his lack of friends and family. His finger pushed at the ring of condensation on the table and he gave a little shrug. "I figured once I was completely done with my surgeries I'd go back and see if they'd give me a new chance." Another tiny shrug. "Just kind of hard to walk back into something I know is going to explode in my face."_ _

__Kaoru's hand stopped Die's nervous toying with the ring of water on the table, grabbing his attention and looking at him with concern in his eyes. "I could go with you. Even if it's grudging at first, maybe if you can just get them to accept you again, it would feel better. My family didn't just turn around and change their mind after I came out. There were fights and awkward dinners, and then they realized that I was still _me_. I didn't know you before, I wish sometimes I did, but you're still their child, and no one - even you - can’t change that."_ _

__Die bit his lip hard enough to draw blood before he finally looked up at Kaoru. "It's hard," he quietly admitted. "I know I should go back and I know deep down I _really_ want to. But convincing myself it's even worth the way they'll treat me... that's the hard part."_ _

__It pained Kaoru to see Die like this, the hurt evident in his eyes. "I know, Die. But even if it doesn't turn out okay, at least you'll know you tried."_ _

__He swallowed a little and then gave a slight nod of his head. "Maybe... maybe once we've moved we could... invite them to... a house warming? Then we could throw them out if they act like assholes?"_ _

__Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. "Good idea. Better to kick them out then have to leave."_ _

__Die offered a half-smile and a slight nod before the waitress appeared with their food, placing it down in front of them and politely asking if they needed anything else. Die shook his head, but she waited on Kaoru to let her know as well._ _

__Kaoru shook his head, thanking her, looking at the plate of food with big eyes. It smelled delicious and looked even better. He took a piece of tofu and popped it into his mouth. "So good."_ _

__Die immediately picked up his chopsticks and dug in, feeling quite a bit more hungry than he had before now that he could smell the delicious food._ _

__Still picking at the dumplings, as well, Kaoru started eating, taking little sips of wine and water, his foot rubbing against Die's ankle under the table, more for his need to have some sort of touch between them than any form of flirting. He looked over at the other's plate, raising his brows at him. "Good?"_ _

__Die nodded. "It's really good, actually." He smiled at Kaoru, blushing a bit at the foot on his ankle. Just the smallest things stirred him now and he could feel the arousal boil up, though he tried hard to push it right back down._ _

__Kaoru pointed at his plate with his chopsticks. "Do you want to try some of mine?" He wasn't honestly sure if Die liked tofu or not, but he thought it was worth offering._ _

__Die tapped his plate a little. "Sure, I'll try it." He picked up a piece of his own and put it on the edge of Kaoru's plate._ _

__Kaoru smiled, putting two cubes of the fried tofu, covered in a spicy, thick sauce, onto Die's plate. He then took the piece of chicken and bit it in half, making a contemplating face as he chewed it. "Mm!" He ate the rest and then took another sip of wine. "Thanks, babe."_ _

__Die smiled at him, nodding a little. He was glad Kaoru liked it because he fully intended to try to recreate it at some point. It was amazing. He took one piece of the tofu and ate it, thinking it a bit too spicy for his tastes, but that was about usual. He ate the second and then followed it with some of his own food, trying to kill the burn, knowing water would make it worse._ _

__Kaoru blushed. "Sorry, I always forget you weren't raised on ridiculously hot food." His toe nudged Die's ankle a little more and he gave an almost sheepish grin, making quick work through most of the plate, finishing off the glass of wine and splitting the last little bit in the bottle between them, pleased just to be with his lover in such a nice atmosphere, with good food and a more relaxed state between them than they had had in a while._ _

__Die laughed softly, nodding a little. "Yeah... well... happens, right? I should get used to it."_ _

__Kaoru shrugged a little. "I usually make my plate spicier when I cook for you, anyway. I'll just remember to cut the heat down some more." He finished, full, leaving a few cubes and a portion of rice on his plate, and sipped water while he waited for Die to be done. "Did you want to get dessert?"_ _

__Die managed to actually finish off his plate of chicken, savoring the last few water chestnuts, a satisfied look on his face. He shook his head, finishing off his wine and taking more water in on top of it. "Nah... too full."_ _

__Kaoru nodded, lifting his hand to let the waitress, tending a table a few over from theirs, that she could bring the check. He then turned to Die, a smirk on his lips. "Mm, maybe you'll want something sweet a little later."_ _

__Die snorted his water, coughing and then waving a hand in front of his mouth until he settled. "Yeah, later," he managed to get out._ _

__Kaoru threw back his head and laughed, loud. His eyes sparkled, truly, for the first time in months and he shook his head. "I love how I can still get you, every time." His smile softened. "I like that, means you're still really hot for me."_ _

__Die blushed faintly, nodding a little while he wiped his nose and sniffled. "Why wouldn't I be? I mean... look in the mirror." His own eyes danced with happiness, knowing Kaoru had no choice but to accept it since they were in a public place._ _

__Kaoru's cheeks flushed pink and he chuckled nervously, then leaned across the table, beckoning Die with a finger. "C'mere, tiger."_ _

__Die leaned forward. "Hnn?"_ _

__Kaoru pressed one hand down on the table, having to rise out of his seat a little to lean and take Die's chin gently, tilting his head a bit and pressing his lips to the other's full ones, sucking slightly, letting their mouths fit together, and then sat back again, smirking. He pulled his credit card from his pocket and handed it to the waitress as she came to give him the check, sending her back off again, all while not letting his eyes leave Die._ _

__Die blushed something fierce, but it was the good kind of blush. He liked showing the world who he was with, not worrying about others’ feelings on their actions, only worrying about the two of them._ _

__Kaoru finished his glass of water while they waited for his card and receipt to be brought back. He signed it, writing out a generous tip for their waitress, and then tucked his credit card back into his pocket. "Ready to go, babe?"_ _

__Die watched him pay, nodding and then standing once Kaoru was done. He picked up the pen and wrote on the top of the receipt: _Thanks! :)_ and then tossed the pen back down, taking Kaoru's hand and heading for the exit._ _

__Kaoru chuckled at Die's little note, squeezing his lover's hand and heading out of the restaurant and towards the little red Mazda. "Oh! Let's not forget my car. I had it in my head that were headed home just now, but my car's parked on the street, I don't want it to get towed."_ _

__Die glanced over Kaoru, watching the way he acted. He didn't really like that he was driving home, much less his lover doing so when he'd had more wine that Die. "Can't... we do it in the morning?" He just had a bad feeling._ _

__Kaoru stopped, blinking at him. He didn't quite understand the request, then an evil grin crept across his mouth. "Are you seriously that eager to get home? Baby, my car's hardly five minutes out of the way." He laughed softly and leaned to kiss Die again._ _

__Die would have protested, would have tried to get his point across, but it was easier to just go with this, to use an excuse than to try to explain some stupid little feeling in his gut. He blushed a bit and kissed Kaoru back before opening his car door and letting him get in. He shut the door and went to his side, slipping into the car, putting on his seat belt and then starting the engine._ _

__Kaoru gave a pleased smile at Die being such a gentlemen with the door, leaning towards him across the console before asking, "No really, we're getting my car, right?" He blinked at Die. It was right off Main Street, if he left it there overnight, it was sure to at least get a parking ticket._ _

__Die sat there in the car, his hands on the steering wheel while Kaoru asked about his car... again. He stared down at the little mileage numbers, worrying his bottom lip for a moment before he finally murmured, "No... we aren't. I'll pay if it gets towed or a parking ticket."_ _

__Kaoru was very confused why Die was refusing to go so little out of his way to drop Kaoru off at his car. It scared him, made him wonder if that angry side of his lover was about to come out, and this time for some reason he didn't understand. "My... my camera's in the trunk. ...Can I at least get it out?"_ _

__Die hated the way Kaoru sounded, the twinge of fear on the edge of his voice. He pulled out, giving a little nod, heading back toward Kaoru's car. The feeling in the pit of his stomach boiled even more until he finally just pulled over onto a side street, parking the car and shutting off the engine. He was quiet for a long moment before he finally let out, "Look... I have a bad feeling, okay? A really bad feeling. Just... just sit here with me until it passes, okay?"_ _

__A little shiver ran down Kaoru's back as Die stopped the car just before the turn to go up the street to his car. His brow furrowed and he reached over and grasped his lover's hands. "Baby... okay." He worried at the palm of Die's hand, pouting at him._ _

__He gave a little nod, holding onto Kaoru's hand tightly. His eyes flicked up to look at the street in front of them, staring for a long few minutes. It wasn't even five minutes before the clear sound of sirens rang out through the night air, a police car and then an ambulance speeding off in the direction Kaoru would have had to take to get home. Die's hand gripped Kaoru's even tighter, his body shaking a little, tears forming in his eyes. "See?" he whispered._ _

__They sat quietly in the car, Kaoru just holding Die's hand, petting his arm. When the siren's split the silence, he didn't think twice about it at first, and then he felt Die start to shake, saw the tears begin to well in his eyes. His own throat went tight then and he dove on the other, hugging him tight. "Fuck! Baby, if you ever get a feeling like that again, you tell me and I'm trusting you." It may have been nothing, it could have easily been that the parade of medical personnel and police had been heading towards the interstate to a crash; it was a Saturday night after all. It didn't mean it was one that Kaoru would have otherwise been involved in. But all the same, it sent chills over his skin, giving him goose bumps and causing a few tears to wedge themselves at the corner of his eyes, trying to escape._ _

__He sat back a little, rubbing Die's arm. "Is it gone now? Do you feel better?"_ _

__Die tugged Kaoru closer, burying his face in the crook of the other's neck. After a few minutes he managed to calm down enough to try to figure out where the lingering sense of unease was coming from. Finally, he just nodded. "Y-yeah," he murmured. "But still... just... get your camera. I'll drive us home. ... Please."_ _

__Kaoru nodded. "How about this; there's a parking garage a block down, why don't you follow me there. That way I can just pay like five bucks and won’t have to worry about getting towed, okay? That sound safe?" He pet Die's cheek affectionately._ _

__Die shifted, trying hard to think about it and then finally nodded a little. "But go slow."_ _

__Kaoru nodded. "It's just a block, baby. You can just pull up on the street and I'll park and then walk back down to you, alright?" He squeezed his lover's shoulder and then sat back so Die could continue over to Kaoru's car._ _

__Die nodded, moving the car back out onto the street and then turning the corner, heading down to Kaoru's car where he parked behind it, letting Kaoru out._ _

__Kaoru leaned and kissed Die's cheek before getting out, going to his car and driving a block down to a public parking garage, taking a ticket and driving up to a spot before getting his camera and messenger bag and walking back down after locking his car, keeping his guard up. Crime in this area wasn't unheard of and Die's bad feeling had him on edge. He walked down the street a bit back to Die's car, opening the door and getting in, putting his bags on the floorboard._ _

__Die followed after him, parking just outside the garage and waiting on the other man to come back. His worried eyes stared out the windshield, waiting on Kaoru to appear. Once he was actually in the car, Die breathed a sigh of relief, starting the vehicle again and pulling out, heading for home._ _

__Kaoru dug through his messenger bag, producing a small pad and pen. Thinking for a moment, he then flipped on the light on his side and jotted down a quick list of what he'd need to get together to take to Julie tomorrow. _Credit reports, D's SSN, copy of green card, references_. He rubbed under his lip. "Hey babe, you think you'd be able to talk to like... a supervisor or something at work in the morning on Monday to see if they're okay being your reference so I can have their number to Julie by the afternoon?"_ _

__Die made a tiny face. "I don't know... I mean... they wouldn't know anything about my rental history. They could only verify I have had a job." He shrugged a little. "But I can give my boss's number and see what he says." He fished his phone out and pushed it at Kaoru. "His name is Matthew. The landlady from my old apartment is Julie." Simple enough._ _

__Kaoru chuckled. "Julie and Julie. Cute." He went through Die's phone and wrote down the numbers._ _

__Die gave him a half-laugh. "Yeah... I was kind of... struck by that, too. Guess I don't have to remember a new name."_ _

__"I think she wants work references because of previous tenants, ya know, to make sure other people don't think we seem like home-wrecking crack dealers." He flipped his lover's phone shut and put it back in his lap._ _

__Die turned another corner, headed down the street to Kaoru's place now. "Well... I don't think my boss thinks I deal crack. I think he thinks I'm a fag and he'll probably tell her that."_ _

__Kaoru growled slightly, rolling his eyes. "Ugh, fuck him. It's not like she doesn't already know and she seems pretty cool with it." He pat Die's knee fondly, rubbing it._ _

__Die shrugged. “He's just loud about it, not really... mean, I guess."_ _

__Kaoru cocked a brow. "Loud? How can he be loud about you being a ‘fag’ and not be mean?" He was rather confused._ _

__He pulled a little face. "He tells everyone who comes in that looks remotely good looking to watch their asses around me." He shrugged. "I don't care. I mean, it reinforces that he thinks I'm a guy, so I'm a hell of a lot better with that than with him calling me a girl or something."_ _

__Kaoru sneered a little. "Ugh. What a fuck! Honestly, it almost sounds like he's closeted and wants in your pants." He laughed a little at that._ _

__"Ha! Nah... he doesn't set off my gay-dar at all. I think he's just more of a homophobe than anything." He pulled into the parking lot and shut off the engine, getting out and coming around to Kaoru's side, opening the door and then reaching in for his flowers._ _

__Kaoru handed over the bouquet, getting his bags and stepping out of the car, stretching a little, looping his arm around Die's waist as they headed towards the stairs up to the apartment. "Nn, any special requests?" he teased, slipping his hand into Die's back pocket and squeezing his tiny ass._ _

__Die bit his lip, blushing a little as they headed toward the stairs. Once they were at the door, he opened it and slipped inside. As soon as Kaoru was in as well, he shut the door and stammered out, "N-no." All he could really think about was cumming, wanting to orgasm so bad he could already feel himself dampening between his legs. Honestly, it was a little pathetic how much he wanted it._ _

__Sniffing a bit, he took the flowers and put them in water with the little packet of stay fresh plant food. He gave a little to his Venus Fly Trap as well, sprinkling some water in with it. There was a fly half sticking out of one of the little pods and he grinned. "Did you catch yourself a tasty snack?"_ _

__Kaoru put his bags down, chuckling at Die talking to his plant, sliding up behind him and wrapping his arms around his lover's waist, kissing the side of his neck. "Mm, how about something nice and dirty to get you past your first one, then slow it down a bit?" He nuzzled Die's neck, nibbling at his earlobe. "We've got all night."_ _

__Die gently patted the top of the pod with the fly in it, smiling down at his plant. Such odd creatures, but he loved them anyway. They were only as odd as he was, after all._ _

__When Kaoru came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Die's waist, he leaned back into the touch. "Don't you want your gift, baby?"_ _

__Kaoru hummed a little laugh, pressing against Die's back before pulling away. "Sure." He went into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water, sipping at it while he leaned in the archway from the kitchen to the living room._ _

__Die padded off into the living room where he'd left the gift, coming back with it and holding it out to Kaoru. Inside was a pretty new watch, mostly masculine, but with a few slightly more feminine touches to it. It wasn't overly expensive, but it was good quality._ _

__Never very good at accepting gifts, Kaoru blushed, taking the bag and digging into the tissue paper, taking out the box and opening it, his jaw dropping as he plucked the watch from it. "Baby!" He threw his arms around Die's neck. "It's gorgeous! Thank you! Gah, I feel shitty about just getting you flowers now." He laughed a little and pulled back, putting the watch on his right wrist, admiring it._ _

__Die shook his head. "Don't. I like the flowers and you took me to dinner. It's fair."_ _

__Kaoru's blush darkened and he set the bag and box down on the kitchen table, stepping close to Die, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and tugging him into a kiss. "Mm, I love you."_ _

__"I love you, too," he murmured softly, pulling Kaoru closer to him, hand trailing down to grope at Kaoru's dick. His cheek pressed to his lover's and he whispered, a bit tentatively, "Fuck me from behind?"_ _

__Kaoru bucked slightly into his lover's touch, kissing Die again. He smirked, pulling away and taking Die's hand, tugging him towards the bedroom, turning off lights as he went. "Come on, tiger." Once in the bedroom, he turned on a single lamp, fitting his lips to the other's and sucking at them slightly, working his hands under his shirt, his touches assertive._ _

__Die made little whimpering sounds as he headed toward the bedroom, almost dragged down the hall by his lover. Once there, he collapsed onto the bed, pulling Kaoru with him. His legs spread and he pulled Kaoru close, arching toward him._ _

__Kaoru ground himself against Die, rocking his groin between his lover's legs, fitting their hips together. He kissed him desperately, starting to strip Die of his clothes. His hands roamed each newly exposed expanse of skin, peppering kisses down the other's neck and onto his chest, getting his shirt off and moving further down, opening his pants and starting to pull them off. He pressed his mouth to Die's stomach and wriggled his tongue against it, hand slipping into his lover's underwear and rubbing against what he felt immediately was an already wet cunt. He smiled, his fingers slow but sure. "Every time I feel you wet, I think how hard your cock would be." He sucked at one nipple, clamping his teeth around it gently._ _

__Die let out a loud groan, shivering softly while Kaoru pushed against him. He just let Kaoru undress him, reveling in the feeling of his lover touching him. He didn't like being distant from Kaoru, didn't like not feeling like he could just _be_ while he was around him and he gave all he could to get to the point he wanted to right then. He let out a cry, arching when Kaoru's tongue ended up against his stomach. "S-so hard," he let out, shivering harshly when those fingers found his slick pussy and that mouth found his nipple._ _

__Kaoru's eyes narrowed as he smiled evilly at that, leaning back to get out of his own clothes quickly and then yank off Die's underwear, sliding his hands up the outsides of the other's thighs to his hips, squeezing them in his grip for a moment and then letting go. "Roll over for me, get up on your knees."_ _

__Die gave a little whimper, arching again before he obeyed, rolling over and then pulling himself up onto all fours, his slim back arching and thighs parting for Kaoru._ _

__Kaoru ran a hand down that lovely back, resting it on Die's ass as he reached with one hand to the drawer of his night stand and pulled out a condom, opening it with his teeth and rolling it on. Climbing up onto the bed, he knelt behind Die, pressing his chest against his lover's back and kissing his throat, rubbing his cock against the wet slit teasingly for a moment before reaching to steady his length and guide it into the other's tight pussy, pushing slow and firm all the way in with a pleased groan._ _

__He pressed with his hips, just making circles, then straightened and grabbed Die's hips and started to thrust, immediately taking up a quick and deep rhythm, their skin slapping wetly against each other._ _

__Die listened to all of his actions, moaning loudly with each one. He shuddered happily until he cried out harshly when Kaoru pushed into his pussy. His body clenched around him, another shudder pushing through him. The moans he set up were more masculine than usual, though still rather girly._ _

__Kaoru grunted quietly with each pant of breath that left him, sort of undulating his hips a bit to hit different angles as he thrust. He realized he was wearing the watch and laughed, hardly faltering in his thrusts as he took it off and leaned back a bit to toss it as gently as possible onto the night stand before resuming his grip on his lover's hips. Though he loved the feel of that tight cunt, and that that hot passage that was his territory alone, he had other ideas for Die. Without breaking his forceful rhythm, he pulled back a bit further as he withdrew, pulling completely out, and, giving no warning, forced himself into Die's ass._ _

__Die panted under him, moaning and whimpering. It felt amazing, utterly and entirely. But then, quite abruptly, it became something even greater, pain slipping in as Kaoru plunged into his ass. He cried out loudly, gripping hard on the bed sheets under him, back bowing harshly. "Fuck!" he cried out._ _

__Kaoru let out a pleased growl and smacked Die's ass, hard, pistoning into him roughly. He slapped the other's ass a few more times until there were pink marks on the flesh before starting to thrust a little faster, incredibly turned on and already feeling like he could cum very soon. Giving short moans that matched his ragged breaths, he leaned forward, supporting himself on one hand while the other reached under Die and found his lover's dick, grasping it and starting to jerk his lover off as much as was possible._ _

__Die let out a shuddering gasp, his hips jerking when Kaoru grabbed his dick, jerking him off. "Fuck!" he cried out again, his body kind of curling up on itself before he straightened, stiff as a board for a moment, screaming out his pleasure as he came hard._ _

__Kaoru cried out just to hear Die, to feel him reach his end, burying his face in his lover's neck and moving the hand that had been stroking him up to his stomach, rubbing over his skin as his thrusts became desperate and erratic. Die remained under Kaoru, his arms and legs trying so hard to keep him up and right where Kaoru needed him to be. When he felt the other start to thrust like he was going to cum, he moaned louder for Kaoru, trying to help him over the edge in any way he could. Another few minutes of it and he was tensing up hard, gripping onto Die and giving a long, loud moan, a quivering mess as his orgasm rocked through him, filling the barrier between he and Die._ _

__

__He stayed where he was for a few moments, panting and kissing lazily, more an instinct than anything else, at his lover's sweaty neck, then carefully, slowly, he sat up and slipped out, pulling off the condom and tying a knot in it, throwing it into the trash can beside the bed. He then rather gracelessly flopped down onto the bed on his back and tugged Die against his chest, pressing his cheek to the other's red hair, panting._ _

__Once Kaoru pulled out, Die collapsed down on the bed, just kind of sprawled out there. He let Kaoru move him, grunting quietly at the movement._ _

__Kaoru was limp against the bed, his hand moving up and down Die's back, looped under the other’s body and holding him against himself, but he was otherwise motionless, a smile on his mouth, lips parted to let out his panting as his breathing came back to normal. At length, he lifted his other hand and stroked it over Die's hair, kissing his head._ _

__Die turned his head a little when Kaoru started to stroke over his hair. "Hnn," he murmured at him._ _

__Kaoru stayed where he was for a while, just holding Die to him, feeling his lover's heart beat against his own chest. After a few minutes, he moved to sit up. "Gonna go clean up a bit. I'll be right back."_ _

__Die rolled over, nodding. He flopped over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling._ _

__Kaoru went off into the bathroom, cleaning himself off and brushing out his hair a bit, pulling on his black silk robe, which had always been sort of a subconscious trigger to feel sexy. He pulled his hair out of the collar and grabbed a bottle of rose-scented massage oil and a damp washcloth, going back to Die and leaning to kiss his shoulder, cleaning him up between his legs and then going to the door and tossing the washcloth into the bathroom. He lit a few candles and a stick of melon incense and then crawled up onto the bed, smiling at Die, picking up the bottle of oil. "Roll over."_ _

__Die spread his legs, happy to let Kaoru clean him up. It was so nice that Kaoru did things like this for him. It made him feel kind of sexy that Kaoru was willing to clean him up. The scent of melon filled the air and Die just lay there, his eyes closed, a pleasant look on his face. He smiled, rolling over when Kaoru told him to, stretching out star-fish-style on his tummy._ _

__Kaoru giggled at Die spread out on the bed like that, moving his lover's legs back together for the time being and straddling his tiny ass, sitting, skin-on-skin, over him. He reached for the bottle and poured a small amount onto his hands, rubbing them together and then starting to work Die's shoulders, rubbing and pinching, kneading out the tenseness in the muscles and then working his way to Die's neck, thumbs stroking hard and deep to loosen him up._ _

__Die let out a tiny sound, yawning a little. The skin-on-skin contact was nice... pleasant, in fact. A louder sound came from him when Kaoru started rubbing at his shoulders. "Oh...oh yeah," he murmured happily._ _

__Kaoru let out a satisfied chuckle, working Die's whole back, running his knuckles over his lover's spine, putting his full weight into his palms and rubbing them across his ribs, squeezing his hips and the top of his ass, trying to relax every muscle. When he had finished with his back, he moved onto Die's arms, putting a little more oil on his hands and simply rubbing down the slender limbs, massaging his palms and fingers, as well, going slow, practically worshiping the other with his treatment._ _

__Die felt almost boneless between his lover and the bed. "This is so nice," he let out very quietly._ _

__Kaoru grinned, leaning forward and kissing Die's ear, scooting down the bed to work at his lover's legs, paying special attention to his calves and ankles and the very back of his heel. Finished, he rolled Die over himself, kissing him and rubbing his shoulders from the front moving down between his legs to rub down his quadriceps before lying down beside him, grinning and kissing his cheek._ _

__Die was almost asleep by the time Kaoru finished. He peered off to the side at him when he felt the shift, smiling softly. "You're so sweet to me," he murmured._ _

__Kaoru blushed. "Of course I am. I love you, I get genuine _urges_ to do sweet stuff for you." He shrugged like it was nothing and gave Die a little Eskimo kiss. After a second he asked in a paradoxically sweet voice, "More sex?"_ _

__Die's face turned about the color of his hair before he chuckled softly. "What'd you have in mind?"_ _

__Kaoru licked his lips, biting at the lower petal. "Will you fuck me?" His palm smoothed over Die's chest, unsure if this would spark up the whole argument about the nature of the _DO NOT TOUCH_ box again._ _

__Die ducked his head, mentally having a bit of an argument with himself. It was difficult, trying to convince himself that there was a difference between his other toys and his strap-on. After all, he still wasn't wearing his packer. Biting his lip, he finally nodded a little. If it would make Kaoru happy, then he'd do it._ _

__Kaoru saw the hesitation, could almost hear the cogs turning in Die's head. He touched the other's face. "Baby... if it's going to make you uncomfortable, even though you know I hate why you're doing this, then it isn't worth it. If you don't want to do it, don't just do it because I ask." He stroked his lover's cheek, his eyes telling Die his words were genuine._ _

__Die stared at him, biting his lip for a long moment before pulling himself up, going over to Kaoru's drawer and pulling out the strap-on he'd never used. Honestly, he really wanted to use it, just there was that mental road-block in the way. Carefully, he attached the slim dick to the inside and then the thicker cock to the outside to penetrate Kaoru with. Propping one leg up on the bed, he carefully inserted the slimmer cock into his pussy with a soft gasp. Blushing, he attached the straps around himself and then moved completely back on the bed._ _

__Kaoru got up on his knees, shedding the robe and tossing it to the floor. He looped one around Die's neck, kissing him slowly, his hand, still a bit slick from the massage oil, stroking over the other's plastic cock, warming it up. His lips pressed to Die's ear, tongue wriggling against the shell. "Wait... there's something I want to do first."_ _

__Moving off the bed, he turned Die and sat him on the edge of the bed, sinking to his knees between his lover's legs. He turned his eyes up to Die and continued to stroke the solid length in his hand, then leaned forward, licking the tip of it, and started to suck the head into his mouth._ _

__Die whimpered a little, biting his lip while Kaoru touched his fake dick. He settled down on the bed, studying the other as he got down on his knees. Maybe he should have seen it coming, but he didn't, not until Kaoru was licking at the tip of it. The moment it slipped into his mouth, Die cried out, hips jerking as if he could actually feel what Kaoru was doing._ _

__Kaoru smirked a bit at the reaction, glad to know Die seemed to like this rather than thinking it was a little weird. Closing his eyes, Kaoru grabbed onto Die's thighs, squeezing them as he started to suck his lover off with abandon, really going at it in a way he couldn't do to his little lady dick. He hardly even flinched as he let it all slide down his throat, staying there for a moment, opening his watering eyes and staring up at his lover._ _

__Die let out a moan worthy of a porn star, one hand shoved into his hair, the other in Kaoru's hair. He shivered. "God yes... fuck... baby... suck me hard."_ _

__Kaoru moaned back, eyes rolling in his head to feel the hand in his hair, fingernails digging into Die's legs as he started to bob his head quickly, sucking like he was Die's personal little slut, which wasn't so far from the truth. He moaned and whined around the silicon length, wondering if his lover could actually get off from this, or it was just very good foreplay._ _

__Die whined even louder, pushing Kaoru down on him for a moment, his hips bucking. Then he let him go, leaning back, supporting himself on his hands while he closed his eyes, pussy clenching around the fake dick. This was arousing him _so_ much._ _

__Kaoru choked when Die shoved him down, sort of coughing through his nose, but recovered quickly when he was let go, starting to put more pressure on the shaft with his lips to move the base of the cock through the harness against his lover's dick, and hopefully the plastic dick inside his lover, as well._ _

__The sounds that came from Die's mouth were nothing short of delicious, his hips arching and his eyes rolling back in his head while he enjoyed everything Kaoru was doing for him. "K-Kaoru," he whispered._ _

__At the sound of his name, Kaoru double his efforts. If his lover didn't cum soon, he'd stop and let them move onto other things, but if he could get Die off like this, he certainly wanted to do it. His hands started to rub up and down his lover's thighs, reaching up around the edges of the harness, along the very tops of his thighs and at the juncture of his legs, fingertips stroking lightly in comparison to the way he was roughly fucking his mouth down over the plastic cock._ _

__Die's hips arched up even more, a loud moan leaving him as his back arched sharply. A shudder went through him, his breath catching. Close... he was so very close._ _

__Kaoru knew immediately that Die was at the edge, gripping onto his lover's thighs and doing his best to keep up the pace, obnoxious sounds and spit down his chin ignored all for the sake of getting the other off._ _

__Die arched even harder, hips jerking as he finally lost it, pussy throbbing, and the bed under him getting the brunt of his feminine release._ _

__Satisfaction shined in Kaoru, a proud little arch to his brow as he sucked back up the length of the other's cock, making a popping sound as he came off it, licking the head lazily and stroking the length until Die began to calm down. Letting go, he hopped up onto the bed and straddled his lover's lap, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and then cupping Die's face, kissing him._ _

__Die let out another tiny moan, watching Kaoru's actions. When he came over to straddle him, Die scooted back a bit, getting better leverage to hang onto his lover so they didn't topple off the bed. Before he knew it, Kaoru's mouth was over his. He kissed him back hard, immediately pushing his tongue out into his lover's mouth._ _

__Their teeth clacked together and Kaoru pulled back slightly, sucking at the tip of Die's tongue and trying to take over the kiss enough to make it a little less frenzied, both hands speared into Die's hair. He moaned slightly and pressed his own cock against Die's, pushing his hips forward so that both lengths were against his lover's stomach. "Take me."_ _

__Die let out a soft sound, whimpering into the kiss before he heard Kaoru's words. He pushed him over, turning to press him to the bed. He shifted, parting Kaoru's thighs and then reaching for the lube, popping it open and squirting some onto his fingertips, immediately pushing them down between his legs._ _

__Kaoru gasped to have Die toss him onto the bed like that, lifting his knees some and letting the other part his legs. He kept one hand on Die's arm and arched up towards the hand moving down between his legs, wanting it so badly; ready to feel his lover inside him to have Die's weight over him, to be invaded in the best of ways._ _

__Die's mouth pushed back against his mouth, kissing him deeply while he pressed one finger into Kaoru, stretching him out. It didn't take him long before he started to push in the second finger._ _

__Kaoru moaned against Die's lips, writhing his hips against the fingers inside him. "Nn, just take me, baby, I'll be okay." He kept kissing Die, nibbling gently at his bottom lip._ _

__Die paid attention to Kaoru, pulling his fingers free and slicking up his dick with the lube before he moved forward, pressing his dick to Kaoru's ass and starting to push in._ _

__Kaoru's head snapped back, a gasp coming into his lungs so hard his chest spasmed, hands around Die's biceps squeezing. His legs fell apart as he accepted the other's length into himself, warm from his own mouth; somewhere in his mind this was the closest to the real thing he'd had with Die in a while. Physically, it felt like plastic attached to a harness, strapped around his lover's hips, but mentally, emotionally, it was Die, and that thought made him quake with desire and affection, letting out a soft moan._ _

__Kaoru's reactions made Die want to pull more of them from his lover. Slowly, he pulled his hips back and then he pushed them forward with a snap, his hips rotating at the end. His hands settled on Kaoru's chest, thumbs gently stroking over his nipples._ _

__Kaoru nearly sobbed at the quick snap, gripped Die's wrists, trying to get his hands away from his nipples. It was too much, he'd wanted slow and lazy and had figured the fuck before and the blowjob just prior to this would have given him pause, but he supposed he underestimated Die's energy sometimes. He couldn't voice any of this, though, didn't want to nag, hated to feel like all he ever did to Die was complain, so he simply thought it as hard as could, _please take me slow, please, please, do it like it might be the last time_ , and undulated with lilting moans under his lover._ _

__Die gave Kaoru a little perplexed look. The way he was tugging on his hands implied he didn't want his nipples touched and the sob told him he didn't want to be taken like this. Everything about Kaoru screamed 'stop', but he hadn't _said_ stop. Die stopped for a moment, utterly confused. He used the pause as a seeming excuse to shift himself around a lot, like he couldn't get comfortable, even though he had been before. It'd give him time to think._ _

__Obviously Kaoru didn't want it how Die would have wanted to give it to him if it were his real dick. He wanted something else entirely. The only thing that came to mind was that Kaoru wanted what he considered 'making love', meaning something really slow, without any 'umph' to it at all. He settled again and closed his eyes, trying to go off and think of things that weren't sex. Almost absently, he started to move, certain that Kaoru would like this better - without Die's total attention to what he was doing. He moved in such a way the harness didn't rub against his lady dick, didn't stimulate him at all in that way. All it left was his own mental thought of what was going on._ _

__His mind drifted across work, dinner, their fights recently, and every once in a while back to what he was doing to make sure he wasn't accidentally doing something more vigorous. He kept the thrusts aimed purposely wrong, not wanting to hit Kaoru's prostate since he didn't seem in the mood for such things. His eyelids fluttered closed again, mind drifting once more. His hands were simply resting on Kaoru's hips, not doing anything except sitting there._ _

__Kaoru knew immediately that he'd sent all the wrong signals, cursing under his breath at himself and watching as Die shifted around, hoping he hadn't hurt his pride. It was simply that Kaoru was starved for the kind of sex he and Die really didn't ever have - slow, constant kissing, grinding bodies together. Something still incredible sexually, that usually ended with loud, hard thrusts of hips, but right now, Die was acting like they were fucking Amish or something._ _

__He just lay there, thinking what an asshole he was, wondering why they couldn't just talk about sex and be more open with what they did and didn't want without feeling like they were insulting each other. At length, he sat up partially, reaching to touch Die's face. "Baby? Baby, what's wrong?" He frowned, a silent apology in his eyes, then tugged his lover by the back of his neck towards himself. "C'mere. Please?" He wanted Die on top of him, wanted to feel each thrust and cant of his hips through his whole body._ _

__Die hadn't been expecting to be touched, so he startled a little when he was. His eyelids snapped open and he stared at Kaoru with a slightly alarmed look. The frown, the words... Die sagged a little more. What was he doing wrong now? He was giving Kaoru the straight-up missionary without any frills that the other considered to be love making, taking his own wants out of the equation entirely and trying to neglect Kaoru's since tending to them would prove to be no longer 'love making' in Kaoru's eyes. He was genuinely confused as all hell. He knew his definition and Kaoru's were entirely different, but he wasn't sure why he should feel like he needed to be bored in order to make Kaoru feel like he was making love to him._ _

__He moved down, shifting slightly, though trying to keep his hips were they were, knowing the plastic dick was in what he'd dubbed 'the safe zone' right then and not wanting to lose that area and upset Kaoru any further. He was careful when he moved, arching his back in such a way as to avoid most contact with Kaoru's body, especially trying to not brush his dick on accident. His hands planted on either side of the other while he blinked down at him. "Nothing's wrong," he murmured, wishing he sounded more convincing than he did._ _

__Kaoru immediately felt like a complete idiot. He hated being so emotional, hated that he was so goddamn demanding and specific on how he wanted things sexually from Die. Maybe he should just take a page from his lover's book and just shut the hell up, let Die do whatever he wanted. He wrapped his legs around Die's waist and his arms around the other's back and forcefully pulled him down against his body. "Too far away," he explained in a soft voice, tucking his face into Die's neck and grinding his hips to try and coax Die into thrusting again._ _

__Die honestly wasn't sure how to respond to the idea of him being too far away, particularly when he felt more like he should be far away if he wasn't aiming to actually 'pleasure' Kaoru. It was starting to slip into his mind that the general aim was no longer to make Kaoru feel really good. He shifted down, trying hard to keep his hips at the same angle, though it made it kind of awkward. He rested on his elbows, keeping his body where Kaoru put it and making sure he didn't push any closer. He closed his eyes again, finding something else to concentrate on, staring to thrust in little tiny thrusts that took - in his opinion - way too long._ _

__Kaoru bit his lip, feeling how uncomfortable Die was. He hated that he'd put them in this awkward state, and he knew he couldn't really say anything to make it better. Going off instinct, not really knowing what was going through Die's head and afraid to ask, he grabbed his lover and flipped them over, letting out a loud moan as he pushed his weight over Die's hips, the other sliding into him, deep. He shivered, leaning over and pressing himself to Die, kissing him deep, his mouth lazily working over the other's, his hips making hard circles, grinding and making him shake with the effort._ _

__Die gasped when Kaoru flipped him over so easily. He bit his lip, trying hard to keep his state of half-awareness for Kaoru. But when his lover decided he needed to start kissing him and grinding down hard on him, he found it rather difficult to do. He tried hard to keep himself from liking it too much, but it wasn't something he could do when he had to kiss Kaoru back. It was like a short-circuit to his brain and for a moment, he lost the concentration that kept him calm. His hips bucked up, thrusting in deep a few times before he realized what he was doing. Immediately his stomach sank. Stupid! He was ruining things again! He managed to end the kiss, whimpering a little as way of apology, reining his body back in and forcing the 'uncaring about pleasure' aspect back into himself. He just lay there, hoping Kaoru would do what was needed to accomplish what he wanted._ _

__Kaoru let out a loud, startled moan at his lover's hips bucking up into him. And then Die had stopped and started acting like he didn't want this again and Kaoru sighed, sitting up, still rolling his hips minutely. He touched Die's face, pursing his lips. "Hey... what's going on?" He brushed the back of his knuckles across Die's cheek. "Do you want to stop? You're acting like you don't like this…."_ _

__Die frowned a little, looking up at him. He bit his lip a little and then sighed. "No, I do want this! I just... I'm trying!" He looked close to tears, mentally berating himself for having lost his cool a moment before. "I'm sorry, I so sorry. I promise I won't mess it up again, I'll stay calm, I promise!"_ _

__Kaoru stilled his hips, very close to just getting up and going to lock himself in the bathroom. This was ridiculous. "What..." he sighed, trying to calm himself, "What do you mean, baby? What do you _think_ I want? I feel like you're not even here right now." His teeth worried at his lip, trying to find the right words to work through this and not start another explosion. He leaned down and spoke in a soft voice, trying to make it sultry, wanting to just move past this and get Die back in the mood. "I want you to _fuck_ me, baby. I want it hard and I want you all over me, just... take your time. Okay?"_ _

__Die stared up at him, his heart beating frantically from fear of doing or saying something else wrong. Kaoru seemed to be severely contradicting himself, honestly. He swallowed thickly, biting his lip a little again. He gave a really perplexed look to his lover, trying to figure out how to make love, fuck, do it hard, be gentle, and take his time all at the same time. "You want me to make love to you," he replied, knowing well that was what he wanted. "I should be slow and not touch your nipples." He figured he shouldn't touch his dick either, but that kind of went without saying._ _

__Kaoru blinked down at Die, jaw tensing. "Baby. What the hell? Yeah, I mean, eventually, I'd really like for you to make love to me." He was glad he kept himself from saying that he'd honestly kind of given up on thinking Die ever would. "I just wanted something hard and sexy, just slowed down, so we could really enjoy each other, not just try to get off. We... we really don't understand each other, do we?" He hung his head, honestly losing interest in sex at this point. He slipped himself up off of Die, sitting on the bed beside him, looking defeated. "I..." He shook his head. "I'm a real shit. I'm sorry."_ _

__Die looked kind of panicked, his eyes shining with how scared he was that he'd just wrecked everything. But then Kaoru moved off of him and Die kind of crumpled in on himself. He'd ruined it. He knew taking that stupid strap-on out had been a total mistake. It was wrong because it had a bit for him on the inside, wrong because he could enjoy it rather than use it as a tool. Tears welling up, he yanked at the strap, pulling it off and shoving the thing in the floor. "Don't," he choked out, "it's my fault."_ _

__Rather suddenly, he felt rather ill, his stomach churning violently. He paled, getting up and rushing to the bathroom, shoving the door shut behind him and stumbling to the toilet. He fell to his knees in front of it, gagging a little and trying hard to not let his shame and panic end in this disgusting moment. He pressed a hand over his mouth, shuddering. The tears he'd been trying to hold back spilled over, running down his cheeks._ _

__Kaoru didn't know what to do. He felt like if he didn't just back away right now, if he kept pushing, it would only get worse. Pulling on the robe again, he went to the balcony, running his hands through his hair and then lighting a cigarette, pulling his phone out and texting Kyo. _Can you please talk to my boyfriend and figure out why we don't understand each other?__ _

__Kyo picked up his phone while eating a bowl of granola with soy milk, legs crossed in his kitchen chair. _Oh shit... yeah, hang on._ He pulled up Die's number and hit call, holding the phone braced against his shoulder. It went to voicemail, so he hung up and called again.  
Die sat in front of the toilet, rocking back and forth, trying hard to calm down. His ringer started going off in the other room, something that would have broken the moment if he hadn't fucked it up anyway. He ran a hand through his short hair, biting his lip while he waited on the ringer to stop. A few moments passed and the ringer started again. He let out a sigh. It was probably pissing Kaoru off, so he'd go get it and slink off somewhere to answer it._ _

__Pushing himself up from the floor, he headed into the - surprisingly barren - bedroom. No Kaoru in sight. He reached to fish his phone out of the pocket of his pants. Staring down at the screen, he sighed, flipping it open and then wandering back into the bathroom. "Hi," he murmured, not managing to sound any less pitiful than he felt right then. "Psychic Kyo strikes again, I assume."_ _

__Kyo couldn't help but coo at how pitiful Die sounded. "Actually, sweetie, your man asked me to talk to you. What's wrong, babe?" He leaned back in his chair, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down while he finished his breakfast. "I think he's out of ideas on how to fix... whatever. I can only assume this is the sex thing again?"_ _

__Die drooped a bit, though the sound of Kyo's voice managed to make him feel a little calmer. "Yeah..." he let out softly. "It was all fine... tonight was good... and then I fucked it all up, Kyo." He sounded like he was going to start sobbing again any second. "He wanted me to use the strap-on, so I did... but I wasn't doing it right." He paused for a moment and then sighed, hitting his head back against the wall with a dull _thunk_. "I never do it right." He wiped a hand over his cheek again. "I was trying to be sexy and make it good for him... but he didn't want my hands where I had them and didn't want me to act that way. So I realized he wanted me to make love to him. And... well... I did my best, Kyo! I really did! But then I fucked it all up. I started concentrating on pleasure again for a few seconds and wrecked it all. I feel terrible!"_ _

__Kyo listened, glad Die couldn't see the look on his face. "Babe, babe... did he ever _say_ he wanted you to make love to him? Did he give you any kind of instructions or something? Also, what's with this whole you focusing on it feeling good being a fuck up? That's not how sex works, last I checked."_ _

__Die quieted, listening to Kyo, his heart beating frantically in his chest. "I... he... but." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Well... no. But he was giving all the signals that he didn't want it to be the way I was doing it. I touched his nipples and he grabbed my wrists. And when I pushed into him... like... fast... he sobbed. It was really clear he didn't want it that way, Kyo." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I wanted to show him how I'd take him if the strap-on were really _me_. But that wasn't what he was looking for. But then he doesn't just want a dildo in him, so I'm so confused! What am I supposed to use it like? Or why even bother at all with it? It just causes me so many problems. Everything I use to try to be more _me_ causes problems!"_ _

__Kyo sighed. "Sugar, I love you and all, but I'm really confused. Did you ever think he's not into nipple rubbing, and maybe the sob was a good thing? I sort of make sobbing sounds when I'm getting fucked real good." He chewed another spoonful while he thought. "Die, just... calm down for a minute, okay? Just talk to me, talk it out in your head, calm down, then.... I think maybe what you guys need is to talk to each other. You can put me on speaker and let me mediate if you want."_ _

__Die rubbed at his upper thigh rather absently, his brows furrowed while he tried to get himself calmed. "It wasn't like that... it was signals. But... I guess... maybe he doesn't like his nipples touched. I don't know." Now he had that to worry about as well. Why did problems just keep multiplying? He swallowed hard and rolled his head back on the wall, back arching a bit, popping a few times. "How will it even help? I just... I've given up so much for screwing up. But now, I just... I... fuck." He fell silent, frowning deeply._ _

__The blonde sighed, scrubbing his hand back through his hair. "I think you're both reading into signals instead of just... talking. Tell you what... clean yourself up, I'll text Kaoru - where are you, the bathroom?" It sounded like Die's voice was echoing off tile. "Sit on the couch facing each other and then call me back. I'll see what I can do to help you two out."_ _

__He didn't wait for an okay, just hung up and sent a quick text to Kaoru. _I'm not a psychologist, but I'm good with people. Go sit facing Die on the couch and I'll see what I can do._ _ _

__Die opened his mouth to talk, but then just sighed, shutting it again when Kyo hung up on him. Well, okay then. He closed his phone and pulled himself up, going back into the bedroom and picking up the strap-on, bringing it back into the bathroom and tossing it in the sink. Then he went right back out, pulling on his clothing from earlier, making sure he was completely dressed before he went back in and washed up the strap-on, putting it aside to dry and washing his hands and face._ _

__Kaoru read the text and sighed out the smoke from his cigarette, grounding it out and then opening the door to his utility room, getting a pair of sweat pants out of the dryer, pulling them on and going into the living room, flipping on the light and then sitting on the couch sideways, his legs crossed, beating himself up inside, wondering why he and Die seemed to have all these obstacles between them anymore, and if they were even fixable._ _

__As soon as Die was done cleaning up, he padded into the living room, settling down on the couch, facing Kaoru, flipping open his phone and dialing Kyo, immediately hitting speaker and putting the phone down on the couch between them._ _

__Kyo had finished his granola and rinsed his bowl by then, settling into an armchair by his window. He answered the call and immediately started talking. "Alright... you two are ridiculous. Die, why don't you start by telling Kaoru what went wrong, in your head, with what just happened?"_ _

__Die blinked down at the phone. His hands twisted nervously in his lap. "I... um... well..." he sighed, running a hand over his face. "I don't know how to say it," he murmured, looking perplexed. He was silent for a long minute and then whispered out, "I ruined things by trying to treat the strap-on like a real dick... and I'm sorry."_ _

__Kyo jumped in before Kaoru could respond. "Kaoru, don't tackle that right now. You tell Die what went wrong, as you saw it."_ _

__Kaoru had a hard time not arguing Die that he was wrong for treating the strap-on like an actual dick. That was the point, wasn't it? He sighed, staring down at the phone. "I... I guess I sort of jumped the gun and started to feel like you were heading more in the direction of a fast fuck, and I should have given you a little more time to... I dunno. Anyway, then I felt like you were like... you weren't there with me, you were off somewhere in your mind, like you didn't even enjoy it."_ _

__Kyo sighed. "Alright... now, tell him how you feel about what he thought went wrong."_ _

__Kaoru frowned. "It _is_ your dick, baby. There's nothing wrong with you feeling like it is. Don't... don't apologize."_ _

__Die swallowed a little, biting his lip for a minute before he pulled one leg up to kind of hide behind. "But... I..." he squirmed a bit and sighed. "I wasn't trying to make it a fast fuck, Kaoru. I try to stop myself from doing that, I really do. I know you dislike it. And well, I was trying to make it more like making love for you. Love making is going slow, not touching your nipples or dick, and not thrusting fast or hard." He nodded a bit. "So I have to kind of..." he gestured a little wildly, "disconnect a bit. I can't get out of control for it to be how you like, so I have to sort of... cut off the link between my body and my mind." What he meant and refused to say was that he had to make it not pleasurable for himself in order to not do 'stupid' things like accidentally thrust hard or fast._ _

__He looked truly confused. "But what I don't understand is why the version I tried to give you isn't allowed? I mean... maybe it doesn't take three hours and maybe the thrusts aren't like bumbling teenagers humping for the first time, but... does that really make it suck so badly?" He looked up, his eyes full of confusion and desperation to understand. "I mean, I get it... love making is not about pleasure. It's not about cumming. But I guess I don't understand why..." he sighed, "why even bother sticking bits in other bits if they're not going to be used? Why don't we just cuddle? It'd be a lot easier to feel okay and to not feel like I'm going to fuck up in three seconds."_ _

__Kyo had to actually put his phone on mute for a minute to curse for a bit, then turned the mute off. "Die... I think you're assuming a lot about something you've admitted before to not really understanding." Kaoru nodded, hugging his knees and trying not to cry. "Kaoru, care to correct?"_ _

__Kaoru bit his lip hard. "I don't even know where to start... I - you didn't fuck up, I was just moving your hands, and I wanted you close to me, I wanted you on top of me, and you took it all wrong and I never meant for it to come off the way it did. And... making love is not supposed to be completely un-pleasurable. When I made love to you in the cemetery, it felt amazing, Die. Not just emotionally, emotionally it was... fantastic, I felt so close to you, but physically, too, it was so good." He gripped his hair, feeling at a loss for words. "I mean, did it suck for you, is that where you got this idea?" Kyo hesitated to interrupt, but decided to give Die the chance to answer this directly._ _

__Die's mouth opened and then closed. He let out a soft sound of confusion before he scrunched up his nose for a minute. With a sigh, he shook his head. "No, it didn't suck for me. But it wasn't any different than usual." He looked down at his lap, looking almost ready to cry again. "I know you said I was supposed to feel different, but I didn't." His lower lip trembled. "I... it never is _just_ sex. I don't just fuck you and want to leave like you're some kind of one night stand! I love you and I always love you!" He frowned, swallowing and feeling like an asshole. "I'm sorry... that I can't give you what you want."_ _

__Kaoru started to cry, quiet and tense, hiding behind his knees, tucking up to his nose. Kyo let out a heavy sigh at that. "Kaoru, what do you think when you hear Die say that?"_ _

__There was a long pause. Kaoru had to find his voice again, broken up. "I feel shitty... I feel like... I want too much, and that I'm stupid for not knowing that... I dunno, I guess you're trying to tell me it's always special to you, I just-"_ _

__Die nodded a little. "It is," he whispered._ _

__"Kaoru, what was your sex life like before Die?" Kyo sort of winced to ask that, but it had popped out of his mouth._ _

__Kyo's question confused Die, but he remained silent, just letting Kaoru talk and listening._ _

__"Oh shit..." Purple hair got tugged rhythmically while he thought. "Um... one-night stands. I've dated several guys... most of them just kind of... well, used me. I always felt like when it came to sex, I was just, like an object. There was always this disconnect, and for me... I mean, I have a hard time expressing myself, and sex is my way of doing that, physically. It's not like every time has to be some over-dramatic, slow, romantic session, I like to just fuck you sometimes, too. Die, you're an _amazing_ lover." He tried to look up and meet the other's chocolate eyes, but he couldn't. "In my mind, sex is supposed to be a tool for couples to connect, emotionally, and... I dunno, I guess I just feel like most of the time, we have fun, but..." He buried his face into his knee. "I don't know."_ _

__Die sighed softly, staring at his lap still. "I... um..." another sigh, "I wish I could somehow let you in my head, Kaoru. I wouldn't be having sex with you if it were just... 'fun'. I wouldn't be here if it were just 'fun'." He bit back the comment about how lately it hadn't been all that 'fun' so didn't that prove something that he was still there? But he didn't say it._ _

__Kaoru shook his head, pressing his shoulder into the couch cushion. "That's not what I meant..."_ _

__Kyo had to think on his feet to not let this degrade into another silence-filled misunderstanding between them. "Die, what's lacking with the sex for you right now?"_ _

__He blinked a little. "Um..." he ran a hand through his hair. "Nothing?" As long as he wasn't trying to detach himself from it, it was perfect._ _

__Kaoru sniffed. Kyo simply addressed him as a prompt to answer the same question. With a sigh, he dragged a hand back through his hair. "The sex we have now is great. It is. There's nothing wrong with it. But... I'm sappy, and I just wish every now and then that it could be more... I don't know. When I say slower, I don't mean less intense. I just mean... like, more attention to detail. More eye contact, more kissing, more foreplay, something that's slower and we pay attention to each other more than just... getting off with one another, but that doesn't mean we don't get off. It's still sex." He shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it, I guess."_ _

__Kyo hummed a little. "I think that sounds pretty clear... Die?"_ _

__Die listened to him, but he just looked more frustrated. "What do you think I was doing? I was trying to pay more attention to you, to what would make you feel good. Just because I pulled out slow and pushed in fast doesn't mean I was going to start going at it like a jackrabbit. I just wanted to... you know... still feel sexy while I did it."_ _

__Kaoru closed his eyes, blinking fat, hot tears down his cheeks. "I'm sorry." That's all he could think to say. Obviously, he was the problem, here._ _

__Kyo sucked at his teeth. "Alright, so... where does this leave you two? Do either of you feel like you understand each other a little better now, and that maybe this will change the way things happen between you in the future?" He knew the moment was still tense, but he wanted to make sure they were getting somewhere._ _

__All Kaoru could do was nod that yes, he understood a little better how Die saw things._ _

__Die bit his lip a little, shifting and picking up the phone. He moved closer, curling up next to Kaoru, settling the phone on his lap. "A little," he offered, tucking Kaoru close against him. "I still wish I could like... understand better... what I need to do to make it feel for Kaoru how I feel each time."_ _

__Kaoru buried his face in Die's shirt, trying not to full-out sob. "Why are you with me?" He drew in a shaking breath. "All I do is complain and make you feel fucking inadequate, which you're not. Why in the hell are you still with me?"_ _

__Die pulled him closer, a rather perplexed look on his face. He shook his head. "Because I love you, baby... and that's not all you do. You care about me... you're stopping coke _for_ me. You make me feel special and loved."_ _

__Kyo rubbed at his chest, which felt tight with the emotion from the two men on the other end of the phone. "I think... I'm gonna leave you two alone to finish this, alright? Good night, guys."_ _

__Kaoru sniffed and returned the farewell weakly, keeping himself hidden against Die's chest._ _

__"Night," Die murmured to Kyo, flipping the phone closed and then tossing it aside. He pulled Kaoru closer, hugging him._ _

__Kaoru felt embarrassed and like a total fool, almost afraid to leave his hiding spot, face pressed into Die's shirt. "I'm so sorry, baby..." He shoved his hand in between his face and the other's chest to wipe his eyes, thankfully done crying. "Can we... can we try again? I won’t say a thing, I won’t even move if you don't want me to."_ _

__Die let out a soft sigh, nodding a little. "Sweetheart... I don't want you to not move. I just... I'm a really passionate person and you're the only person in my life except Kyo... and he's an ocean away. So you get all of my affection and attention. You get my hugs, my kisses, my every single emotion. So I can't help but be so... dramatic,” he let a sort of questioning tone seep into his voice with that word, “with the sex. Does that make more sense?"_ _

__Kaoru shrugged a little, hugging Die around the waist tightly. "I guess so... I think we just have really different ideas what romantic is, and how to read each other emotionally... I don't know. It makes sense, though... and I know you really love me."_ _

__He reached up, brushing Kaoru's hair back and gently pulling him back into his lap. "I think... we need to go about this differently, Kaoru. Maybe... just once we need to do it this way." He put his hands on Kaoru's waist. "Guide me. Show me where and what I'm allowed to do. But make this all about you this one time, okay? What _you_ want. I need to keep my head and see what's supposed to be going on."_ _

__Kaoru turned bright red, blushing fiercely. "I don't know, Die... I think I'd just feel selfish and stupid." He rubbed his arm self-consciously, sitting there in his lover's lap. "I mean, we could try, I just think it will be too awkward for me, posing you like you don't have a mind of your own."_ _

__Die gave him a look that was rather pleading. "Please? I mean... it means something that I want to try, right?"_ _

__Kaoru gave a soft laugh at that. "Yeah, baby. It always means something that you try." Biting his lip, he stood, nodding his head towards the bedroom in indication for Die to follow him as he left the couch and flipped off the light to the living room, going back into the dimly lit bedroom, a few candles still burning. He stripped down quickly and then got up on his knees on the bed, making grabby hands at Die. "C'mere and just kiss me for a bit."_ _

__Die picked up his phone, taking it with them, but turning it on mute and putting it on the dresser in the bedroom. He nodded a little, moving over to the bed. "Should I take my clothes off first?" he asked softly, unsure about that bit since Kaoru was naked._ _

__Kaoru smirked a little, nodding. He then looked around for the strap-on, knowing it was probably easiest if it was on hand when they needed it. "Where'd it go?"_ _

__Die started to get out of his clothing, blushing when Kaoru asked where it went. "I... uh... bathroom," he settled on._ _

__Kaoru nodded and left momentarily to retrieve it, leaving it on the night stand for now before getting back up on his knees on the bed, waiting for Die to finish stripping down and come to him. He tossed his long hair over his shoulder, trying to get rid of the nervous jitters that what was about to happen might end in total disaster._ _

__Die finished taking his clothing off, moving to settle on the bed next to Kaoru. He looked rather like a nervous school kid, but it kind of fit._ _

__Licking his lips, Kaoru leaned forward to kiss Die, his mouth closed at first, hands ghosting down his shoulders. He pulled back a little and looked at his lover's luscious lips. "Just kiss me for right now, don't feel like you can't touch me, I want you all over me, just... lazy, I guess is the right word." He gave a little shrug and pressed his lips back against Die's, tongue flickering against the line of the other's mouth._ _

__Die waited until Kaoru told him what to do before responding, kissing him back gently, one hand resting on Kaoru's shoulder, his other hand on his own thigh._ _

__Kaoru pressed close to him, practically in his lap, running his hands up and down Die's back, nipping at his bottom lip and pushing his tongue against his mouth gently, seeking entrance. At one point, he could feel Die's lashes against his cheek and he smiled into his lover's mouth, letting out a short laugh through his nose._ _

__Die pressed a little closer, his hand kind of tentatively touching on the side of Kaoru's waist. He was hopeful that Kaoru would direct him away from there if that wasn't right._ _

__Kaoru arched his back to try and get Die's hand to slip more securely around him, giving a tiny mewl. He pulled back a bit, their noses touching. "You can touch me, baby. I want you to."_ _

__Die moved a tiny bit closer, sliding his arm around Kaoru's waist, his other hand sliding down a little bit onto his chest. He wanted to touch those nipples again, but he was a little afraid to do so still._ _

__Kaoru couldn't help but giggle at him a little, breaking away from his lips for a moment to explain, "You can touch them, I just... I dunno, I don't really like having them played with. They're _too_ sensitive, like, it really just kind of hurts." He shrugged a little and then kissed Die again, sliding a hand into his lover's hair and tugging at it slightly._ _

__Die blinked a bit. "Oh," he murmured. How had he gotten this far with Kaoru and not figured that out yet? He felt a little sheepish that he had taken that so wrong earlier. Rather than touching them though, he just kept his hand where it was, not wanting to make him hurt. That was the opposite of what he wanted to do._ _

__Kissing from his mouth down to his jaw, Kaoru started to press his hips at Die a bit, his dick at half-mast just to feel his lover's skin. He sucked at the point of Die's jaw for a while, letting out little moans, his fingernails raking down the other's back with no pressure behind it, just a tease._ _

__Die let out the smallest of whimpers when Kaoru's half-hard length pressed against him. He bit his lip, his hand almost going to Kaoru's hair, and then remembering at the last moment that his hair was like a direct line to his dick. His hand went back on his shoulder again, then down his arm a little._ _

__Kaoru breathed hotly into Die's ear for a moment, and then sat up, a coy smile on his lips as he pointed to a spot on his neck. "Kiss me here."_ _

__Die shifted a little, nuzzling into his neck and rubbing against his neck with his nose before he leaned in and started to kiss at him._ _

__Kaoru moved the hand that had pointed out the spot to the back of Die's head, stroking his hair, purring happily. "Nn, feels good." He stroked his other hand up and down Die's arm, just holding the other close to him, desire boiling slowly up in him._ _

__The redhead’s lips moved to gently suck on the skin there, tasting Kaoru, a tiny moan escaping him as he released the spot before he left a huge bruise._ _

__Kaoru's breath was becoming shallow by the time Die let go of his neck, his dick at full attention and pressing against Die's stomach. He shivered pleasantly, pressing his cheek to his lover's hair as Die let his neck go, then laid back against the bed, propped up on some pillows, tugging Die down on top of him and kissing his mouth once again._ _

__Die shifted with him, unafraid to move when Kaoru was guiding like this. He couldn't do something wrong like this. He shifted between his legs, feeling like that was where he should be, though he didn't press against him like he usually would have. Not until Kaoru said so... if he did. He took Kaoru's mouth with his own, gently returning the kiss that the other started, lapping across his lips._ _

__Kaoru bent his knees, hugging Die between his thighs, giving a pleased sound to feel his lover over him. He sucked at the tip of that tongue across his lips, pulling it into his mouth, pressing up against the other with a tiny moan._ _

__Die was honestly kind of confused by Kaoru sucking on his tongue like that. But he had to admit, it was sexy and he liked it. His body responded to it more than he meant to, his hips pushing forward, doing a little half-circle over Kaoru's hips before he stopped it. Gently, he pulled back from the kiss, moving his hips back, blushing a bit. "Sorry," he breathed out, cheeks pink._ _

__Kaoru let go of Die's tongue, his own hips arching up to meet Die's. "No, no, it felt good, keep going." He reached down and squeezed Die's ass with one hand, the other journeying back and forth over the valley of his back. He sealed his lips back over Die's and slipped his tongue into the other's mouth, sliding it around the roof of his lover's mouth._ _

__Die hadn't expected to be told he could keep doing what he had been. He leaned back into the kiss, gently pressing his hips back down on Kaoru's, his hips rotating a little bit._ _

__Kaoru grunted softly, making tiny undulations back towards Die, squeezing his ass harder, a smile tugging briefly at his lips. His dick rubbed between them and it felt fantastic. He started kissing Die a bit harder, a bit more urgently, though his hands over the other's back were still a slow work of affection._ _

__Die shifted slightly until Kaoru's little movements were actually pushing his dick against Die's lady-dick. Maybe it wasn't the best decision based on keeping himself calm enough to follow instructions... but Kaoru had told him he was supposed to feel good throughout the entire thing, so he hoped it was okay. His kiss ramped up with Kaoru's, a little whimpering moan leaving him, hips moving with his lover’s._ _

__Kaoru mewled against Die's mouth, putting both hands on Die's ass to slow him down just a touch, but make their motions against each other a little harder, his breath hitching. He removed his mouth from Die's and moved to nibble at his earlobe. "Aah, so good, baby. Touch me, put your hands all over me."_ _

__Die shivered a bit, somehow not used to the touch on his ass, even after all of this. He just went with it though, slowing down despite his want to keep the other rhythm. One arm slipped under Kaoru, cradling him close, and the other gently roamed over Kaoru's side, down to his hip and back up. He wasn't really sure how else to touch him though._ _

__Kaoru let out a flurry of indecipherable Japanese, tossing his head back when Die put his arm underneath him, arching up towards his lover, something about the feel of the other's arms around him making him feel wanted in an almost overwhelmed sense. One leg looped over Die's, tangling with them, his mouth finding a spot on Die's shoulder and starting to suck and nibble, wanting to leave a mark his lover would have to wear for days._ _

__Kaoru seemed really into it, like he was finally getting what he wanted. That alone urged Die on, though he had to keep himself in check to make sure he wasn't doings things he wasn't directed to do. His hips kept Kaoru's rhythm until he couldn't stand it anymore and had to pause because all he wanted was to push it further. A deep shudder wormed its way through his body and he bit back a moan._ _

__Kaoru smoothed his palms over Die's shoulders, pulling back a bit when Die stopped. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked in a sweet voice, then realized the probable cause. He smirked. "It's okay, tiger. Go ahead and get a little crazy, I'm kind of losing my patience, too." He grinned and nipped at Die's bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth._ _

__Die flushed a little when Kaoru diagnosed what was wrong. But he didn't really know what 'a little crazy' meant. Though he figured he'd just do what he was desiring and he'd see if Kaoru didn't like it. Slowly, he pushed his hips back down against his lover's, grinding at a slightly more passionate level. He circled harder and slightly faster, pulling back to the center and then bucking his hips. His body just refused to stop, his arm that was holding Kaoru cradling him while he pretty much made love to him without ever penetrating him at all. Little gasping moans left him, his head falling back._ _

__Kaoru let out a loud gasp, bucking back up against Die, making slight sounds of protest. It was clear what he wanted instead, however, when he began pointing wordlessly at the strap-on beside the bed, cheeks flushed, made speechless by Die's expert ways._ _

__Die let out a soft whimper, forcing himself to stop. Maybe this was why he shouldn't be on top when they were trying to do this. He _felt_ too much to be simple and calm about it all. Settling back on his knees, he looked where Kaoru was pointing, nodding a little. He didn't have a clue how he was going to pull this off correctly, not at all. He slid off the bed, getting the strap-on and contemplating for a moment before carefully removing the inside piece. Another moment of contemplation and he took off the larger dildo from the front, putting on the smaller one that had been on the inside originally. Maybe if he went for smaller, it would be more romantic? He put the larger one back on the dresser and then started putting the harness around himself, buckling it and then moving back on the bed again, trying to figure out where he'd put the lube._ _

__Kaoru quirked a brow at Die fiddling with the strap-on, getting off the bed and lightly batting his lover’s hands away. Kissing him to distract him, he unhooked the straps again and refitted the larger dick in the harness, taking the whole thing off and replacing the smaller phallus on the inside. He moved Die to the bed, pushing under his knee to spread his legs. "Let me put it in you." Without waiting for an okay, he pushed the tip of it against his lover and slid it in, fucking him with it a little, giving him a dirty wink. "Baby steps, Die. This is just a slow fuck right now, don't think it can't feel good for you to be more intimate." He pushed the inside piece deep into him and kissed him again while he refastened the straps, finding the lube and pouring some into his palm, climbing onto the bed and fisting his slick hand over Die's cock._ _

__Die let out a whimper, watching while Kaoru reversed everything he'd done to the strap-on. Biting on his lip, he still didn't manage to stop the cry of pleasure that left him when the smaller dildo pressed into him and Kaoru fucked him with it a bit. He was going to protest, but Kaoru's lips pressed against his own and he just whined into it, kissing him back. The feeling of him being jerked off actually made it through the entire harness, moving the piece inside him. When they separated from the kiss, Die had hold of Kaoru's shoulders for balance. He stared at him and then tried to explain quietly. "Thought you might want the smaller one... and I'd be less likely to lose control without the one in me." He looked a little flustered, his hips still trying to move, even then._ _

__Kaoru smirked a little that Die thought he might want the smaller one. "You flatter me... baby, I've taken Kyo. We both have. Let's not kid ourselves." He laughed a little and kissed Die again. "It's all about control, baby, but you don't have to block it out and pretend you're not here. If it gets too much, just... stop for a while, kiss me, touch me, then start again when you're ready, okay?" He moved to lie back on the bed again, pulling Die against him, wiping the lube from his hand on the spot on the sheets that was still damp with Die's cum._ _

__Die listened to him and then nodded. "S-so... it's okay if I stop this time?" He remembered how frustrating that had been for Kaoru in the past when he'd done it._ _

__Kaoru nodded. "Just take a little breather and do something else for a while. Like... when I'm fucking you and I go slow for a while and then get back to it? You're easy to get off, so I don't usually have to temper my stamina with you, but... I like the sex part better than the cumming part a lot of the time." He blushed and shrugged a little, pecking Die's cheek, nuzzling his nose against it._ _

__Die flushed a bit at that, too. He supposed with any luck he'd not be so 'easy' once all the surgeries were done. Then again, with any luck, he'd still be able to get off at all. He'd heard some horror stories of not being able to ever orgasm again. "Okay," was all he replied, trying to shift them back into a position that would work for slower sex._ _

__Kaoru spread his legs to Die, settling down against the bed, smiling softly up at his lover. He lifted a hand and smoothed Die's hair back, rubbing his ear. "Don't be so nervous, baby. When you start to feel on edge, just..." he shrugged, "look into my eyes and breathe."_ _

__Die kind of leaned into the touch on his ear, making a soft sound at the touch. He sniffed slightly and then glanced at the lube. "Do I need to prep you again?" he asked softly._ _

__Kaoru shook his head. "No. I'll be okay." Honestly, he liked the feeling of being pushed into before he was quite ready. He laced his fingers together at the back of Die's neck, arching up against him, kissing his mouth again with a lethargic, roaming tongue._ _

__"Kay," he murmured, shifting down to him, positioning himself and then starting to push in while Kaoru kissed him._ _

__Kaoru gasped, lifting his hips a bit as though trying to help guide Die in. His teeth closed around his lover's bottom lip and he let out a tiny moan, letting go of Die's lip with a soft apology before kissing his chin and down his neck._ _

__Die let out a tiny sound, pushing all the way in and settling with his hips pressed against Kaoru. He waited there, making sure Kaoru was comfortable._ _

__In response, Kaoru's spine rippled, lifting and falling first from his hips then up, a moan pouring past his lips once the rolling wave of pleasure, going physically through his body, had reached his throat, which protruded up, head thrown back. He gripped Die's shoulders and then calmed, licking his lips, nodding a little in signal that he was alright, that he was ready._ _

__Once Kaoru was calmed and had nodded that he was okay, Die shifted over him, trying to press down on top of him while he made little tiny movements with his hips._ _

__Kaoru made an appreciative little "oomph" noise, rubbing his hands all through Die's hair, pressing his lover's face against his neck, not even really meaning to. There was something about feeling Die's full weight over him that was incredible, both sexy and intimate. He spread his legs a little wider and canted his hips up towards Die, biting his lip._ _

__Die gave a tiny whimper, shifting around a little bit more, pushing his hips down on him, pulling back a tiny bit and then down again, trying to do it all slowly._ _

__Kaoru had to laugh softly at his lover, kissing him to let him know it wasn't really a complaint, that he appreciated his efforts tremendously. "Little too literal, baby." He rolled his hips under Die, slow but firm, trying to work Die in and out of himself from his position. "I'm not fragile, you know that. Think of it like.... kneading bread." Well that was an odd comparison. He rolled with anyway. "You have to do it hard, but slow enough it doesn't all fall apart."_ _

__Die blinked a little, trying to figure out what to actually do. He made a face that implied deep concentration, pulling back again and then thrusting in again. Still it wasn't any better than before. He was kind of perplexed how to do hard and slow at the same time._ _

__Kaoru smoothed his fingers across his lover's creased brow, trying not to giggle at his look of severe focus. "Baby..." he purred, writhing under Die, wondering if an example would help. "You know how sometimes I'll sink into you real fast and just.... grind against you before I pull out again? Like that."_ _

__Die pulled a little face, nodding. "But... fast... earlier... wasn't good?" He looked still kind of confused._ _

__Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek to keep from getting annoyed, wanting a rhythm to get set before he felt like his dick was going to fall off. "I misread your intentions before, I already apologized for that. Fine, medium paced, just, _please fuck me_." Briefly, he wondered if Die was playing him, was purposely trying to push him to desperation, to where he'd want to just get pounded to prove some sort of point, but he didn't think Die was capable of being quite so devious and so he dashed the thought, canting his hips up against his lover._ _

__Die blinked at him and then nodded a little. After bowing his head, he pulled himself out and then pushed back in, his hips not really snapping back, but at least sinking in pretty well._ _

__An open-throated moan left Kaoru, nails gently scraping outward from the small of Die's back. He knew Die had told him to guide him, but he still felt like he was being a prick being so picky about it. However, it was certainly starting to pay off. Sucking in a slow breath through his teeth, he purred out a whole host of dirty, rapid-fire things in both English and Japanese, most of which was a playful goading for Die to continue, to, "Take him like he was trying to climb into his skin."_ _

__Die tucked his head against Kaoru's shoulder, having to hold himself in place for a moment with all the dirty talk before he tried what he'd done on the thrusts before, but continuing rather than stopping._ _

__Kaoru simply rubbed Die's back when he stopped, then proceeded to mewl with he took it up again. Twisting his head around, he crashed his lips back against Die's, kissing him like he needed Die to live, though in the current situation of the last several weeks, it wasn't so far from the truth. His fingers snarled into red hair, leaving it to run down Die's back and return again, his hold body screaming "I adore this man.”_ _

__Die kissed Kaoru back, doing his best to keep the rhythm that they had going rather than switch it for something else a little more erratic._ _

__Kaoru's tongue wrapped around Die's, his hips meeting his lover with each thrust and circling slightly. After a few moments, it was clear he was getting lost in it, his body moving under Die's in almost a slither, moans pouring out into his lover's mouth, fingernails occasionally digging into his back._ _

__Die continued on with his careful pace, giving Kaoru what he'd wanted. But all the same, he could feel his own body tightening in the places he knew he was supposed to keep them from doing that. But he didn't want to stop. He wanted to feel that incredible pull of orgasm again. All the same, at least Kaoru couldn't feel it, didn't know how Die's body was reacting at all. Instead, he stopped with the grinding down once he had thrust, hoping Kaoru wouldn't complain about the lack of the last bit._ _

__A little whine left him, the grind at the end of each thrust having been what made the thrusting feel hard. He bucked his hips a little and pulled away from Die's mouth, nibbling at his ear, instead. "A little faster?" His hands continued to wander Die’s body, a constant thing, touching him all over in a silent way of telling him how beautiful and perfect he thought the other was._ _

__Die couldn't help but feel bad when Kaoru whined under him. This was ridiculous. Why couldn't he just turn off the part of him that wanted orgasm so badly? When Kaoru asked if they could go a little faster, he re-calculated his pace, going just a fraction of a bit faster, not wanting to just start slamming into him, which he figured was not at all what Kaoru wanted._ _

__Kaoru laid back against the bed, pulling away from Die to look up at him, one hand stroking up and down his arm, the other brushing across his cheek. "Tell me what you're thinking, baby." He wanted to make sure Die wasn't hating this, or hating _him_ for being so particular. After all, Die himself had been the one to suggest Kaoru guide him, but things happened. His hips kept moving to match Die's thrusts and his eyes were soft, caring. He was exactly where he wanted to be with this; it felt fantastic, sexually, but he also felt incredibly close to Die, emotionally. He hoped it wasn't just boring and overbearing for Die._ _

__Die whimpered softly. What was he supposed to say to Kaoru exactly? He couldn't really say he was wanting orgasm, because he'd kind of been told that wasn't the point. It could happen, yes... but not until the end. And if Die had something to say about it, he wouldn't and Kaoru would. It was only fair, since he'd got off from the blow job. He just kept up the thrusts, trying to concentrate more on what he was doing than on the nagging closeness of release._ _

__It didn't take him but a few more minutes before he had to stop, his head bowed, eyes closed, and his body tense. He cursed his body in his head. Apparently even this was enough to stimulate him, which was retarded, but he could only blame the part of the dildo inside him for that._ _

__Kaoru frowned at Die's silence, petting his hair lovingly when he bowed his head. "You can't get control overnight, baby. It's okay. This feels really, really good." He kissed the top of Die's head. "Kiss me some, then finish?"_ _

__He felt kind of bad that Kaoru knew he was fighting with himself. It made him feel... insufficient, in a way. Like he couldn't do what his lover wanted for as long as he wanted. All the same, he moved to kiss Kaoru, slowly starting to move again. If he was going to cum, he'd just do what he knew would push him past the good point and into the 'ugg, why can't I cum?!' point. He'd done in on accident a few times before and he was sure he could do it on purpose._ _

__Kaoru held onto Die like he'd disappear if he let go, kissing him passionately. One leg looped up over Die's hips, giving him leverage to arch up into his lover's movements, angling his hips so that Die moved against his prostate each time. Each thrust made him give a little grunt into Die's mouth, nibbling the tip of the other's tongue and smearing their lips together._ _

__The way Kaoru started to move put Die even more on edge. He wanted to grit his teeth, to push past the point of his orgasm, but he also didn't want to wreck Kaoru's time. Still, he moved, thrusting into Kaoru and kissing him while he tried to keep his stupid lady-bits out of the equation. It was much easier to think he could do it than actually do it. But Die was determined and when he felt his vaginal muscles start to contract and when he felt how sensitive his lady-dick was, he just pulled on those muscles harder, knowing if he did, it'd make it either a really tiny, weak orgasm or it wouldn't happen at all. He was rooting for the second one, not wanting to ruin anything by being jerky or faster-paced. Through some miracle, he managed to keep his rhythm and not seem nearly as tense as he was. If that miracle continued to hold, Kaoru wouldn't even notice._ _

__Perhaps lucky for Die, Kaoru was ready to wrap it up, not having gotten off earlier when he was hard making him a bit needier than usual. He clawed at Die more, moans starting to come out of him, loud and rather frequent. "Faster, baby," he gasped in between kisses._ _

__Die tucked his face against Kaoru's shoulder, having to shift a little in order to get the leverage to go any faster. Once he started to move faster, he could feel his orgasm coiling hard inside him. He pulled the muscles even tighter, feeling the smallest ripple of an orgasm pass over him. It was like a drip into an ocean, barely noticeable, though enough to let him know he'd passed the point where it would allow him to actually cum. Normally he would have been frustrated, would have almost cried with the desire to get back what he'd missed out on. But he only felt relief. It meant he could plow on into eternity and nothing would happen except more irritating desire that he couldn't escape. But mostly, it meant he could give Kaoru anything now and not have to worry about ruining it._ _

__Usually rather quiet in bed, not the type to get too loud, Kaoru's moans were echoing back of the walls now, open-throated and deep. He moved against Die desperately, sure he was probably going to leave bruises on his lover with how he was squeezing him and clawing at him, but it felt good to hold onto him like that. His back arched and Die's name left him in a sigh, body tensing and then shuddering hard, the tendons in his neck standing out as he shouted, cock pulsing and spilling his seed out between them. His breath hitched with each spurt, the tightness of his muscles slowly unwinding as he became a little figurative puddle against the sheets, arms wrapped around Die's shoulders, a contented smile on his rouged, kiss-bruised lips._ _

__Die let Kaoru set their pace for the rest of it, just letting him do what he needed to get what he wanted. When Kaoru came, it was beautiful, that he had to admit. Part of him wanted to try to push for his own orgasm, but he knew that it wouldn't happen anyway, so he didn't see the point in trying. Instead, he settled down, once Kaoru was a puddle of goo on the bed, and just rested there, waiting for any signal that he was allowed to pull out. He wasn't sure about fake cock etiquette and he figured he'd leave it all up to Kaoru on that one._ _

__For several minutes, Kaoru was a limp, happy, silent man, just toying with Die's hair and kissing his head, feeling closer to his lover than he had in months, especially with all the fighting. A few tears rolled down into his hair from the corners of his eyes, but they weren't a bad thing. Not at all. He sighed rather suddenly, patting Die's ass lightly. "Nn, I want milk and cookies now." He laughed, his voice a little hoarse. "Shower first, though." He smiled and fondled Die's earlobe for a second, then waited for him to get off so they could go get cleaned up._ _

__Die waited for that moment in which he knew he could safely pull away. When it came, he did it calmly, moving away and then taking off the strap-on. He put it aside and then got up. "I'll be in the shower in a minute," he murmured, getting his boxers back on and then heading for the living room. He snagged one of his cigarettes and lighter, slipping outside and hoping for a few moments of peace in which to sort himself out before facing Kaoru in the shower._ _

__"Oh. Okay." Kaoru managed not to make it obvious how that had deflated him until Die was already out of the room. Getting up, wondering if maybe that whole experience had made Die feel like he was a selfish prick, he looped a finger in one of the straps of the fake cock, taking it into the bathroom and washing it off in the sink before getting into a cool-water shower and washing his body off quickly. Once he was clean, he turned the heat up a bit more and washed his hair, scrubbing the lather against his scalp, hoping Die had just needed a smoke and wasn't mad at him or anything._ _

__Outside, Die lit up his cigarette, staring off into the night sky while he smoked it. Sexual tension still boiled in his gut and he felt like stabbing it out. But that would do no one any good so he just smoked the cigarette down to the filter, tossing it away over the balcony and then heading back inside. He stripped off his boxers, preparing a 'how wonderful it was' speech if Kaoru wanted it, and then slipped into the shower with him._ _

__When Die stepped into the shower, Kaoru was already clean, having finished rinsing his hair. Something in him knew that it was best just to shut up, that if they talked about it, what about the experience had been good for him would be crushed by knowing that it had been lackluster for his lover. Silently, he pulled Die to him, soaping him down, kissing his shoulder before he nudged him under the water to rinse off, and then stepped out of the shower, drying off. He wrapped a towel around his waist and then walked into the kitchen, hunting out some cookies from the cabinet and pulling the jug of milk from the fridge._ _

__Die let Kaoru wash him up, glad for the silence. Once the other left the bathroom, he started actually washing down below, having to stop after a minute, feeling like he was being bad because it was going toward the category of not just washing. He stopped, feeling annoyed with himself and washed his hair before getting out of the shower, wrapping up in a towel and trotting to the kitchen. He peered in, running a hand through his still dripping hair._ _

__Kaoru was leaning against the counter, turned away from Die, eating straight out of a package of golden Oreos, sipping milk. His mind was reeling, he wanted to hold onto how wonderful he had felt with Die, but the body language of the other, the swiftness to get away from him for a moment just after, all made him feel like they'd made a mistake in their little experiment and now Die only resented him more. Over his own chewing and buzzing brain, he didn't even notice Die behind him._ _

__Die frowned a little, heading into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Kaoru from behind. The last thing he wanted was for Kaoru to feel anything but happy and right then his body was radiating that he was thinking too hard about something... and Die was pretty sure he knew what the something was._ _

__Kaoru gave a little surprised gasp, but quickly relaxed back into Die, one hand rubbing over Die's arms around him. His head tilted back against his lover's shoulder, kissing under his jaw. He held up an Oreo. "Cookie?" His wet hair stuck to Die's skin a little. "I need to put some weight back on, I look awful this thin." He rubbed a hand over his nearly concave stomach, the tattoo on his finger that was meant to empower him to stay clean at that moment reminding him that he still looked like he'd been on a coke binge. He frowned a little and ate another Oreo, lacing his fingers with one of Die's hands, the other picking up the glass of milk to take a little sip._ _

__Die shook his head at the Oreo. "You eat it. I like the chocolate ones." He smiled a little, gently kissing the side of Kaoru's head. "I love you, sweet pea."_ _

__Kaoru turned his head and nuzzled Die's jaw. "Hey, that's my line!" he teased, eating a few more Oreos and finishing off his milk before putting the bag up and moving away from Die to rinse the glass and set it in the sink. He stretched, the towel slipping low on his hips. "Did you want to watch TV or something before we go to bed, or are you ready to hit the sack?"_ _

__Die shrugged a little. "Maybe we could watch something on the comedy channel before we go to bed." He thought that might be a good addition to the day._ _

__Kaoru nodded, then looked down at himself. "Need pants." He walked off towards the bedroom, taking the towel from around his waist and drying his hair more, digging around and finding a baggy pair of basketball shorts, pulling them on and pulling the drawstring tight so they wouldn't fall off his hips. He grabbed the sheets off the bed while he was at it, dumping them on the floor and quickly putting on the spare set before taking the dirty sheets out onto the balcony and into the utility room, shoving them in the washer and starting the load. Coming back in, he plopped down on the couch, trying to figure out where in the hell he had decided the appropriate spot for the remote was this time. As orderly as he was, certain things would end up in the most random places._ _

__Die agreed with the clothing bit, padding off to the bedroom behind Kaoru, rooting around until he found some boxer briefs, pulling them on and then going out to the front with his phone, settling down and waiting on Kaoru._ _

__Looking around with a confused expression, Kaoru finally spotted the remote on top of the DVD player, going to grab it and then settling back on the couch, curling up next to Die and flipping on the TV, turning it to Comedy Central to see what was on. Some stand-up comedian, someone he'd never heard of. He nuzzled Die more and set the remote on the couch beside them, hoping this would be funny as opposed to terrible and possibly even offensive._ _

__Die put his arm around Kaoru, his eyes on the screen, his expression confused at the lack of knowing who the hell was on. But he'd give them a chance, he supposed. Everyone deserved one, after all... right?_ _

__After a while - they had started watching right in the middle of a story and therefore didn't really get it - it became rather funny. The humor was witty and poked fun at everything, knowing no bounds, apparently. Most of the time, Kaoru was wide-mouthed, looking shocked, and then laughing soon after, rocking into Die with each bell-like sound. After it ended, he was sufficiently tired, wiping a little tear out of his eye from laughing so hard, tugging Die up by the wrist and turning off the TV. "Bed time," he announced with a sleepy grin, toddling off towards the bedroom and sliding under the covers, waiting for his lover to join him so that he could fall asleep comfortably against his side._ _

__Die shared in the mirth induced by the television. It was nice to find some calm moments between them and he made a mental note to just sit down and watch something when things got tough. He followed Kaoru into the bedroom, flopping on the bed and yawning, sniffing slightly before he burrowed down in the covers._ _

__Kaoru waited until Die got comfortable and then fit himself against his lover, shifting around until he was in a position where he didn't feel like his now more angular body was poking Die, closing his eyes and listening to the other's heartbeat, starting to drift off almost immediately to that calming rhythm._ _

__Die took longer than Kaoru to get to sleep, but when he did, it was a comfortable sleep, one he drifted easily into and stayed in through the night._ _

__**To Be Continued…** _ _


	35. Chapter 34

Kaoru spent Sunday getting together all the paperwork they would need to give Julie to be approved for the house. Monday, he took it over to her and then played the waiting game, lazing around the apartment, feeling pretty down, having to force himself to work as he was becoming more and more dissatisfied with his current job. Coming off coke always made him ache to try and make it as an artist - always put him in a dark, introspective place where all he wanted to do was make art - and he'd been working more on putting a portfolio together in between doing his columns and interviews for the magazine. Being home when Die was at work made it easy to keep said portfolio a relative secret; he didn't want to look like a failure when he didn't find anywhere that wanted his work, and if he did, he thought it would be more of a surprise.

Speaking of surprises, that was exactly what was on Kaoru's mind as he parked in front of the giant, hideous white building the locals called "The Salt Lick," getting out of the car with his hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, his violet bangs escaping, thick-rimmed Buddy Holly style glasses on. He was wearing black slacks, red Converse sneakers, and a V-neck t-shirt with a charcoal grey velvet jacket over it. Walking into the lobby, he went to the elevator, hitting the button for the fifth floor. That was really all he knew about Die's work, even after all this time. It was funny the kinds of things they didn't share between each other; he supposed because they didn't find them relevant to their relationship. He wondered if in another year or two, they would know every boring detail, especially once they started living together in their own place.

When he stepped off the elevator, he frowned a little, wondering if this had been a good idea. He had expected a receptionist or something that he could ask where to find Die, but instead, the whole floor was filled with cubicles, with a rather menacing looking office off to the side with dark-tinted glass. He bit the inside of his lip, looking around to try and spot Die. No luck. Tentatively, he took a step more into the open room, heading toward the right and starting to walk down cubicles, looking around while trying not to seem like he was lost and shouldn't be there. He was really wondering if he'd made a mistake coming here unannounced, not even sure where his lover was on the floor, and honestly surprised to see so many cubicles.

Just as he was about to turn around and walk out, go downstairs and call Die instead, he passed another little collapsible, tiny "office," three screens sitting on the desk, every surface littered with papers and samples of projects, Die cradling a tablet, staring at the screen intensely. He couldn't help but smile a little, knowing that look. He stepped over to the opening of Die's cubicle and rapped his knuckles against the flimsy divider. "Knock, knock."

Die had gone into work around seven in the morning only to find that a huge project had landed rather abruptly into his hands. He hadn't been expecting it at all and as far as he'd known, he wasn't even allowed to know the details, much less work on it. But the senior design staff was needed elsewhere and he was the next best thing down the line. He'd taken it without protest, immediately putting down the smaller projects that could wait, creating a rather whirlwind look to his office, though he still knew where everything was and it really did have an order if you knew what you were looking at.

Two projects with deadlines remained on two of his three monitors, allowing him to mull them over while he worked on the main one with the diligence that he was quite simply known for. No one ever said Die was a slacker and no one ever would. Even being out for his surgeries, he was always on time with his deadlines and never backed out of anything. Once or twice, he'd caught murmurs from the other workers that they thought he had some kind of terminal illness and it was kind of sad that he was slaving away at his job just to pay the hospital bills. But they'd never said it to his face, so he'd never bothered to correct them. There just wasn't a point.

When Kaoru's voice came, Die almost jumped out of his seat, his head snapping around, eyes wide. Everyone in the office knew better than to interrupt him while he was in the zone, so he hadn't been expecting someone. When he saw that it was Kaoru, he looked less freaked out. "Hang on," he saved what he'd been doing, going to the other two windows to make sure those were saved as well before he put the tablet down and looked worriedly over at Kaoru. "Is everything okay?"

Kaoru covered up his laugh when Die jumped at his voice, stepping more into the cubicle and carefully pushing a stack of papers back to sit on the edge of Die's desk. "No, nothing's wrong." He reached forward and brushed a bit of Die's hair - growing longer now - and pushed it back, smiling. "Didn’t mean to startle you."

Die watched Kaoru come in and move some of his papers. He gently reached around and corrected the stack to give Kaoru a little more room to work with as well as to make sure it wouldn't all fall off the desk once he stood up. Avalanches in Die's space were not unheard of and they were always especially epic in proportion.

Kaoru leaned so Die could rearrange his papers, murmuring a soft, "Sorry.”

He looked around the little space, glancing at the screens as he spoke. "I just came by to see if you could leave for lunch." Rather casually, he tagged on, "Maybe go by and sign the lease?" His smile grew significantly, despite the fact he was trying to play it off.

 

A soft smile settled on his lips while he listened to Kaoru, nodding a little and then giving him a truly surprised look. "We got it?!" he asked excitedly, getting to his feet and tossing his headset onto the desk under the monitors, immediately reaching for Kaoru to hug him.

At the hug, Kaoru grinned, squeezing Die back. "It's as good as ours. We just have to go sign the lease and pay the deposit and first month's rent to get the keys. Can you leave for an hour?" He played with Die's ear a little, pleased.

Die practically bounced, nodding. "Of course." He reached over and locked his computer with a few short keystrokes, practically wiggling with excitement. "I can pay with a check for my part. I just got paid today." Grabbing his messenger bag, he slung it over his shoulder and then took Kaoru's arm, leading him through the office back toward the elevator.

Kaoru was beaming to have Die in such a good mood, and for a really great reason. He let himself be led back through the office, chuckling. "Don't worry about that. If you've got my debit card, I was just going to go by the bank and take it all out in cash, just give it to her up front that way." He tugged Die a little closer with a wink. "You can pay for paint."

Die puffed out his cheeks at Kaoru and then laughed. "I'll pick up the interior decoration tab then." He punched the button and waited, finally the doors slid open and they slipped in past a few people that gave Die _really_ odd looks as he got in.

Kaoru followed, not missing how the other people had looked at his lover. He took the redhead's hand, lacing his fingers with it, asking in Japanese, "What's that all about?" An indignant little angry monster reared its head in the back of his mind. He didn't appreciate how other people around the office seemed to treat Die.

Die shrugged a little, responding in Japanese as well. "Who knows? Probably because now it's not just a rumor that I'm gay?" He punched the button for the lobby and the doors slid closed.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, leaning into Die's shoulder. "They're probably just jealous that I'm so beautiful," he joked, stepping out of the elevator when it reached the lobby, heading across it towards the doors. The little grouchiness from the looks faded, his good mood hard to squelch. "I can't believe this is happening. I'm so fucking excited I can hardly stand it."

"Damn right," Die replied, exiting the elevator with his lover. "I'm glad you're excited, love." He smiled at him, showing he was as well.

Walking over to his car, Kaoru unlocked it and got in, waiting for Die to do the same. Aural Vampire playing at a low level when he cranked the engine. "I was thinking, since we still have to find people to take over our leases or whatever we need to do to get out of our apartments, that maybe if you're up to it tonight after work, go pick up paint, and spend this weekend cleaning and painting maybe the living room, our bedroom, and maybe the bathroom? Something to get it started. Then pack through the week and find people to help us move in next weekend." He shrugged a little. "What do you think?"

Die nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me." After all, he didn't want to be sleeping in the house with paint fumes either. That always sucked.

Kaoru smiled, nodding as he pulled out and head to his bank, not too far from Die's office. "Card?" he asked in a perky voice, putting his hand out. For now, it was still best to leave his money with Die; he had intense urges to use every few days and if he had had any money on him, he would have probably slipped up.

Die shifted around, digging through the bag and then pulling out Kaoru's wallet, selecting the bank card and handing it to him.

Leaning to kiss Die's cheek, he took the card and left the car running, opening the door. "I'll be right back." He walked into the bank and got in line, waiting perhaps a minute or two before going up to a teller and withdrawing the fifteen hundred in cash, being handed it in a discreet envelope. He came back out to the car and put his card and the money in Die's lap, pulling from the parking lot and heading towards West View to the house.

Die accepted both items once Kaoru came back out of the bank. "That was easy given the time of day," he murmured.

Kaoru shrugged a little. "Our lucky day, I guess." He hummed along with the music still playing quietly, driving across one of the old bridges into the west side of town, taking a few turns and then heading down the street where Julie lived in a larger house a few blocks down from the little yellow one. He pulled up in front and parked, taking the cash again and getting out, going around and opening Die's door.

Die handed over the cash and stowed away the card, shouldering his bag again and then getting out. He stretched a bit, the outline of a rather more obvious bulge in the front of his pants showing as he did. But he didn't notice. Even with the time off from wearing the packer, he just felt _right_ with it. So he didn't notice that it was a bit obvious in the tight pants, looking rather like he had monster junk in his pants.

Kaoru had not missed that Die had finally started wearing his packer again, a bit relieved about it. He put an arm around the other's waist as they walked up the little path to Julie's porch, kissing his cheek. "Your dick looks huge today, baby." He'd meant it as nothing but a compliment. Walking up the steps, he rang the bell, a big chocolate lab barreling towards the door and barking while Julie was heard fiddling with some things and calling out "Just a second!"

Die blushed when Kaoru told him his dick looked huge. He glanced down, peering over his flat stomach to see the bulge. It was rather obvious in his tight jeans, but it only gave him the urge to rub over it, making him want to spend some quality time with himself. But he still wasn't letting himself do that, so it was just a flitting thought that wouldn't be acted upon. He followed Kaoru up the steps and watched when the huge dog came running. He wasn't panicked by it, actually really liking the feeling of something coming to greet him. Briefly he wondered about the pet policy.

Julie opened the door, wiping paint off her hands, short blond bob pushed back in a headband, wearing a loose, paint-smeared t-shirt and old jeans. "Hi! Come on, come in, I've got everything together for you. I just need to wash all this paint off my hands." She led them into a large kitchen, turning on the sink and scrubbing what looked like acrylic off her skin. "A few things I didn't mentioned before really quickly; if you're going to hang anything, I'd like it if you anchored it from the top running board rather than into the dry wall, itself, and any paint should be either light or neutral enough to cover with a coat of primer. Other than that, I'm pretty sure you boys are ready to go." She dried her hands, the big chocolate lab sitting at the end of the counter, looking at them with his tongue lolled out. Julie scratched his head as she came around the kitchen island and grabbed a copy of the lease. "And we agreed on fifteen hundred, correct?"

Kaoru nodded, putting the envelope on the counter. "Yep. I didn't know if it would be easier, I just felt like it was more up front to do it in cash." Julie shrugged, taking the envelope and setting it on top of some mail, handing Kaoru a pen.

"You can both look over it real quick if you like. Make sure there aren't any more questions. I need to take Brutus out, anyway." She excused herself and snapped her fingers, the large dog following at her side out into the backyard.

Die leaned against the counter, peering over Kaoru's shoulder to look at everything. He made a tiny face at the light and neutral colors bit. He'd been really looking forward to some kind of red. But apparently that wouldn't be happening.

Kaoru read quickly, skimming over the usual legal jargon for a typical one-year lease. He scooted the paperwork a little closer to Die. "I'm satisfied. How about you? Ready to sign?"

Die reached out and picked up the paper, reading the last few lines before he put it back down. Pets apparently were allowed, with a small extra deposit. He supposed if it came up, he could find the money for it. He nodded. "Yeah, it looks fine to me."

Kaoru nodded, signing over the line with his name printed beneath before handing the pen to Die, hand going to his lover's hip, arm around his waist. Julie was heard at the back door, coming back into the house. She came in, smiling at both of them, opening a drawer in the kitchen and pulling out two sets of keys, putting them on the counter. "The key on each set with the little rubber piece around it is the back door." She then looked at Die. "I got everything on your list fixed, and even convinced my son and his friends to repaint the siding. It's amazing the kind of leverage you get over a kid with the desire to go to a concert." She laughed a little, leaning against the counter.

Die signed his name as well and then capped the pen and put it down on the counter. He laughed softly, nodding. "Sometimes not just kids!"

Kaoru hummed a little laugh and kissed Die's cheek before pulling his car keys out and excitedly putting the set of keys on already. Julie took the paper and looked it over with a nod. "You're all set! If there are any problems, just call me, and if you need help moving in, I've got two teenage boys that only need a little bribing to comply with manual labor."

Kaoru laughed again. "Thanks. I've got some jarhead friends that work similarly; pizza and beer isn't much a price to pay for beefy men moving out furniture."

Die pulled out his own keys, attaching the new ones to it and then putting them back into his pocket. He peered around. It was an odd feeling to have a house that was now his and Kaoru's; both liberating and scary.

Kaoru made a little conclusive gesture, sort of shrugging. "Okay. Well, I guess that's it. Die's out on lunch break, so, I guess we should go grab something to eat. Thank you, again."

Julie nodded, leading them back to the door. "No problem! I guess... welcome to the neighborhood!" She beamed and opened the door, letting them out. "See you soon." Kaoru nodded in a short bow to her and headed back down the steps from the large porch, down the pathway to the street, getting into his car, waiting for Die to do the same.

"So... did you want to go pick up something to eat, then maybe go back and have lunch in our - fuck, it's amazing to say that - adorable little yellow house?"

Die smiled at her, nodding and then walking out behind Kaoru. "How about just a burger and fries place?" He'd kind of wanted that lately.

Kaoru nodded; he didn't really do burgers, but he could get a chicken sandwich or something. "A local joint or fast food?" He cranked the car up and started back towards the main road by the neighborhood where most of the food places were.

"There's a little place on the corner of Acorn. Haven't been there for a while. Called _Jerry's_. They have some Mexican influenced dishes, too." He got into the car and buckled up, hoping this was okay with Kaoru.

Kaoru thought for a second about where Acorn was, then gave a nod, turning to head that way. He almost missed the place, but turned in in time, parking. Getting out he rubbed his chest a little. "Baby, I'm so happy right now." His heart was thundering with excitement.

Die pointed it out at the very last second, laughing and apologizing for not telling him sooner. Once they were out of the car, he slid his arm around Kaoru's waist. "Me too."

He turned an arm back around Die's waist, rubbing his hip. He hoped this would be what they needed to bring a little balance back in their relationship. Already, the fights were fewer, but there was still a strange tension between them. He hoped living together, and his continued sobriety, would help smooth things out rather than making them worse. Walking up to the door, Kaoru pulled it open for Die.

Die slipped inside once Kaoru held the door open, immediately heading for the counter. He picked up a paper menu and handed it back to Kaoru before placing his order: a bacon cheeseburger and fries, with lemonade to drink. The woman behind the counter went about putting the order together while obviously still waiting on Kaoru's.

Kaoru looked over the menu, interested more with the Mexican dishes. He skimmed over it before ordering a chicken burrito with rice and beans and a peach tea to go, pulling out his credit card to pay for both of their orders.

Die let Kaoru pay, just moving back and accepting their cups, going to fill them with their requested drinks from the barrels in the corner.

Kaoru waited at the end of the counter for their orders to be ready. It certainly smelled delicious in here, his stomach growling a bit. He'd gained five pounds since he cut himself off from the coke, and the alleviation of stress after being done with his workaholic stretch was making it easier for him to eat better again, as well, though he still felt terribly thin. However, it was nice to walk into a place like this and get something greasy and not think twice about where it was going. Having to gain weight was rather freeing.

Die finished filling up their cups and then came back, handing Kaoru's over to him with a straw and a gentle kiss on the cheek.

Kaoru took the cup and stuck the straw in through the lid, smiling. "Thanks, sugar." He sipped at his peach tea with an approving hum, turning when their order was up, taking the bag of food and grabbing some napkins before heading back out to the car. "I'll try to keep an eye on the time." He was wearing the watch Die had given him, along with the necklace. "I don't want to make you late getting back."

Die watched Kaoru take the bag. He grabbed a few packets of ketchup and headed out after his lover. Once he was back in the car, he shrugged a little. "Not like anyone would notice." He laughed.

Kaoru frowned a little at that and squeezed Die's knee. "Don't say it like that," he chided softly, though the idea that Die could be a bit late and it wouldn't be noticed opened up the door for a naughty thought to cross his mind. He dashed it, though, saving it for later, perhaps, and drove back towards the neighborhood that would now be theirs, pulling around the house to the little alleyway leading behind it and parking just in front of the back steps. 

Die shrugged a little. It was true in all the possible meanings. The only way they'd miss him was if he didn't turn in his work, as he'd noticed when a good amount of staff hadn't even realized that he'd been gone for his last surgery.

Getting out of the car, Kaoru gave a happy sigh, looking around at the ivy and the big oak tree, a hydrangea bush and some gardenias already planted at the back corner of the house. He found the key to the back door on his ring and went up the stairs, food in one hand, and unlocked the door, stepping into their new place, all smiles. It was empty and dusty and plain, but it was theirs.

Slipping off his shoes and leaving them by the door, he set the bag of food down on the kitchen counter along with his drink and took off his jacket, tossing it over the higher counter serving as a bar above the counter dividing the kitchen and dining area. He turned to Die, brows raised. "Did you want to eat in here, or go sit on the floor in the living room?"

Die followed behind Kaoru, taking his shoes off as well and then moving to jump up on the counter, settling there. "Here's good." He smiled, sipping at his drink.

Kaoru slipped in between Die's legs, putting a hand at the back of his head and kissing him slowly. Pulling away, he smiled, taking out Die's burger and fries from the bag, handing them to him, then hopping up on the counter opposite his lover and pulling out the big burrito, unwrapping half of it and taking a bite. "Mm... this is really good. Good thing they're close, this can be our dinner on lazy days." He sipped his tea, looking around, imagining it with furniture and decorations, with Die's smell and his mingled together in the air, warm and homey. He pursed his lips before eating some more, on the verge of tears he was so happy.

He gently kissed Kaoru back, smiling at him and then accepting his food. "Small confession... late nights at the office when I know you've eaten already... that's where I eat." He laughed softly, shaking his head a little.

Kaoru chuckled a little. "Well, maybe now you can call me and we'll have a late-night snack together." He picked a bigger piece of chicken out of the burrito and ate it with his fingers. "So what color were you thinking for the living room?"

Die thought about it, shrugging. "White is usually just good enough in the living room. It's a needed bright space." He nodded toward the bathroom. "If we can get by with Rose in the bathroom, that would be great."

Kaoru nodded. "I'm sure we can find something earthy enough that it could be covered with primer easily. And the bedroom?" He was already thinking about maybe doing an accent color on the running boards, both top and bottom, in the living room to make it a bit less plain, trying in imagine their furniture in the room and figure out what would be easiest, and look best, so he could start running ideas by Die.

"Well, I had wanted to do a patchwork of color splashes between white, black, and red. But that idea's out now. So... I'm thinking on it." He opened his burger and took a huge bite of it, obviously hungry.

Kaoru thought about it. "What if..." He tapped his finger to his lip. "What if we got fabric and painted it and hung it like curtains from the top running board instead of painting the walls? Maybe we could even just find the right kind of fabric or even curtains like what you're thinking and hang them all the way around the room? Maybe do a different kind, like gold or something, to serve as the headboard of the bed?" He shrugged. "Just something to think about; to get around the whole ‘neutral color’ thing."

Die tilted his head a little. "Maybe... but then we can't hang anything up and we'd have to wash it all the time." He made a little face. "It'd be easier for me to just find something more neutral to deal with, I think."

Kaoru wrinkled his nose. "I guess... I sorta like the curtain headboard idea, though..." He took another bite of his food and chewed, thinking. "So... what furniture of ours are we going to use? Do we want to sell some of our stuff and just buy new things for here, or are you going to try and recycle as much as possible? I'd kind of like it if we had a new bed that was just ours." He shrugged a little.

"I figured we could kind of mismatch things in most of the house from our apartments. But I thought we'd maybe re-do the bedroom?" He bit his lip a little, looking to him for approval.

Kaoru gave him a little confused look. "Re-do as in like... buy a bedroom suite or something?" He thought about it for a bit. "I suppose that's not such a bad idea."

Die nodded. "Don't you think it'd be fun? Making the bedroom just... _us_?" He picked up a few fries and shoved them in his mouth.

Kaoru wrapped the last bit of his burrito up, full now, and tossed it into the bag, hopping off the counter and going back to wrap his arms around Die's waist. "Absolutely... that's what this is about, baby. Not just us sharing our lives anymore, you, and me, but _us_. Nothing in the world could make me happier."

Die put his burger aside and reached out to hold Kaoru close. He smiled softly. "Good. Then I say we sort out how we're gonna sell our old bedroom stuff and then start looking for new!"

Kaoru blushed a little, giving a nod. "Okay. Though... the low dresser I have, and my little dining room table, both of those were my grandma Kaori's. I'd like those to stay with us, even if just end up in the guest bedroom or something." He gave Die a pleading little look; he could have gotten a lot of money for both, they were antiques, but the sentimental value was far more to him.

Die nodded. "Of course. I have a few things that'll end up odds and ends, too, baby." He leaned in and pecked him on the lips gently.

Kaoru gave one happy nod, pressing himself to Die's chest, rubbing at his shoulder. "I love you so much." He sighed dreamily, nuzzling his nose against his lover’s collar bone, then chuckling a little bit. "So I guess this is now officially the very first Andou-Niikura residence." Well that certainly held a pleasant ring to it.

Die reached out and tugged at Kaoru's hair, smiling. "Love you, too," he murmured, looking around. "Hey... I want a chandelier for in here. What do you think?"

Kaoru looked at the wires hanging down where a fixture could be placed, another in the breakfast nook area. "Sure, I guess. I kind of wanted to go to antique stores and flea markets and find some things. Cheap, and more charming. Maybe we could find a nice one there that just needs to be cleaned up?"

Die’s eyes brightened. "Old ones are always more pretty anyway!" He reached for his fries, stuffing more in his mouth while he peered around happily. His hips wiggled a little on the counter and he grinned. "This is gonna be fun!"

Kaoru snickered at his excitement, kissing the side of his neck gently. "Mm, it's going to be a lot of work, but once it's done, yes. It will be lots of fun." He pressed himself more against Die, trying to gauge if he was done eating. "We've still got about fifteen minutes before I need to drop you back off at work..." A sly grin graced his small, bowed lips. "Want to, ah... christen the bedroom real quick?"

Die stopped with a fry halfway to his mouth, blinking at Kaoru and then grinning. He shoved the rest of his fries in his mouth real fast and then wrapped up his burger. "Sounds damn fine to me!" He gently scooted Kaoru back and then hopped down, heading to the fridge and making sure it was cold, stashing the rest of his burger in there for later.

Kaoru put the rest of his burrito in, as well, figuring it could be lunch when he came over to clean tomorrow while Die was at work, and sipped his drink to get rid of any lingering taste of food in his mouth, grabbing Die's wrist and tugging him through the living room and into the bedroom, immediately sinking to the floor and pulling Die down with him. "Mm, I love this carpet."

Die chuckled, going along with Kaoru and then slipping onto the floor with him. He leaned in and kissed Kaoru. "Worry about the carpet later," he murmured softly, his voice rather sultry.

Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die and laid back, rolling them on their sides, kissing him hard. "Nn, good thing we have quickies down pat." He immediately began to feel Die up, squeezing his ass, fondling at his bulge, rubbing his body against his lover's in this place that was empty now, but would soon enough be filled with the things they shared. Arousal started to warm his blood quickly and he gave a little moan, glad the blinds hanging over the window were closed.

Die let out a little whimper, arching toward Kaoru, into the touches to his groin. "Yesss," he hissed out before crushing his mouth to Kaoru's again, his hands shoving down the back of Kaoru's pants, groping at his butt.

Kaoru giggled a little at the groping to his ass, pressing more against Die, worming his hand between them to start undoing Die's pants, reaching in and fondling Die's packer like it was his real cock. At the back of his mind, he was glad he'd grabbed a lot of napkins to clean up any mess they might leave behind. Already, the thought of fucking Die on the floor of their new home, and having to be quick about it so he could send his lover back off to work, was turning him on something fierce.

Die bit Kaoru's lip a little, arching into the touches with a long moan. A shiver went through him and he moved to undo Kaoru's pants, yanking them down and grabbing his dick, starting to stroke him off.

"Shit," Kaoru hissed, bucking into Die's touch. His hand moved pulled Die's slacks down a little more so that he could slide it more between his lover's legs, rubbing at his cunt through his underwear. "Want you so fucking bad, Die."

Die squirmed a little, helping get his pants down. He moaned, bucking into the touch to his pussy. He wasn't entirely ready yet, not really having been expecting this. But he was sure Kaoru would get him ready and fast. "Then take me," he whispered.

Kaoru let out a growl, rolling on top of Die, sitting on his knees between his lover's legs, sucking at his neck. He tried not to leave a hicky, not wanting it to be too obvious what Die had done on his break, and put his hand inside the other's briefs, shifting around the packer and rubbing his fingers up and down the other's slit, trying to get him wet enough that he could do exactly as Die had said. After a moment, he moved back and took Die's pants off completely, along with his underwear, setting the packer aside on top of it and starting to work his little cock in his hand, the fingers of its twin slipping into his lover to fuck his passage roughly. He was so hard in Die's hand, canting his hips into the touch and panting, already. It wouldn't be long, but he was damn sure it would be good.

Die whimpered, his hips bucking up into Kaoru's touch. This was something he'd really only thought he'd have fantasies about. But it appeared Kaoru was more than willing to give him a lunchtime quickie and he knew he'd not forget about this for a long time to come. He shivered, his legs spreading even more for Kaoru. "Just do it," he murmured. The pain would make the effect last far longer anyway.

With a quick nod, Kaoru scooted up between Die's legs more, pushing his lover's knees up and apart, his own thighs resting under the angle of Die's. Positioning himself, he pushed in slowly and firmly, moving around a little until it was easier before just going for it, holding Die behind the knees to keep his legs apart and fucking him hard and fast.

Die cried out loudly when Kaoru pushed into him. It felt both amazing and painful, just like he'd figured it would. He shuddered, hips arching up while Kaoru fucked him. It was hard and fast, just how he liked it. He laid there, his head spinning with the amazing feelings his lover was giving him, his pussy slowly getting wetter.

Kaoru grunted and gasped, working at a steady pace that was driving him fast towards orgasm, his eyes rolling back in his head, back arching. He reached with one hand and grabbed Die's shoulder for leverage, pounding into him harder with loud, wet slaps. Unlike his usual manner, this for once really was just about orgasm, and achieving it quickly, the whiplash pace what made it so dirty and sexual. He let his fingers find Die's cock and he stroked it half-speed to his thrusts, his dark eyes looking down at his lover, daring him not to be loving this.

Die writhed under him, crying out rather obnoxiously, his loud cries probably echoing through the entire house, especially given how barren it was right then. He shuddered when Kaoru's fingers grabbed his lady dick, stroking him off with a certain expertise. "Fuck!" he let out, body already drawing close to his orgasm.

Kaoru leaned, kissing Die's neck and growling into his ear, "I'm gonna cum so fucking hard in you, baby, gonna leave it there. Send your pretty ass back to work with me still in you. How would like that?" The movements of his hips were already becoming erratic even as he spoke, driving as deep as he could into Die's body.

Die cried out louder, nodding almost frantically. He wanted that... he wanted that real good. His pussy clamped down around Kaoru, a shudder going through his body before an honest to god scream left him as he started to cum.

Kaoru let out a startled sound as his lover's muscles clenched around him, his rhythm stuttering. He moaned loudly, bracing himself up on both hands, slamming into Die a last few times before he was spilling himself into the other, arms shaking, hardly able to keep himself up. He rocked his hips into his lover as he finished, afterglow tingling up his spin, arching over and kissing just under his lover's chin. "Die... hnn, baby, that was so fucking good."

Die's body refused to stop moving for quite some time before he finally settled down and laid on the floor, panting. His entire body felt like it was on fire and it felt damn good. He nodded a little at Kaoru's words.

Kaoru moved with Die a little, just rocking his hips slightly, finally pulling out and kissing his lover sweetly, rolling onto the floor beside him. "Yep. This carpet is awesome."

Die laughed, shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure it's us that's awesome, man."

A low chuckled issued more through Kaoru's chest than up out of his throat. He rolled slightly against Die's side, kissing his cheek and taking his hand. "Mm, yeah, we are pretty awesome." He lifted his hand to stroke his lover's face for a while, nuzzling him, before he sat up and tucked himself back into his pants. "Well, I still don't want to make you late. I guess we should start heading out, huh?" He got up on his knees and took Die's underwear, putting his long feet back through the holes and pulling them on his lover, handing him his packer and kissing his knee. "Straighten up." He gave an evil wink and went off into the kitchen again, getting his jacket and putting himself back together, grabbing the trash from their lunch and stepping onto the back porch, lifting the lid of the trashcan there and tossing it in. Returning into the house, he slipped his shoes back on and grabbed his keys.

Die smiled, cooperating with Kaoru's efforts to help him get a little bit more dressed than he was. Once his lover was gone, he stood up, picking up his packer and putting it back in, adjusting it really well. As soon as he was done with that, he got his pants and pulled them back on as well. Then he was out to the kitchen, washing his hands in the sink before he found his drink and took a sip. Then he put his shoes back on and grabbed his drink again, waiting next to Kaoru.

Kaoru wrapped an arm around Die's waist as he reached for the door, kissing him hard. He pulled the door open as he pulled away, smiling, stepping onto the porch and waiting on Die to exit so that he could lock it back. "Come on, then." There was a sparkle in his eyes for Die, a naughty little glint that clearly showed he had an urge to kiss or fondle his lover, pat his butt, tweak a nipple. Anything just to be playful.

Die smiled softly at him, leaning into the kiss and then following him out the door. Blushing faintly, he murmured, "I really liked that."

Kaoru smiled at him over his shoulder as he locked the door, backing up a bit to rub his ass against Die's crotch. "Oh yeah?" He took Die's hand and walked down the wooden steps back to the car, kissing his lover's jaw. "Me, too." Unlocking the car, he got in, sighing and looking at the house - their house - with a feeling of deeper content than he'd had in a while. "This is going to be really good for us, isn't it?"

Die smirked a little at the way Kaoru was rubbing against him. It would give him something to think about for the rest of the day, that was for certain. Following Kaoru to the car, he got in and put his drink in the cup holder. "Yeah..." or at least he hoped so.

Kaoru patted Die's hand before pulling out and heading back across town towards Die's office, his good mood lingering for once. Generally, anymore, it was hard for him to stay happy, but he doubted much could shake his elation just then. "Have you told Kyo?" he asked curiously.

Die glanced over at him. "Not yet. I guess... I feel bad for bothering him all the time sometimes." He shrugged a little. "I figured I would maybe do it once we've started working on it."

Kaoru gave a little understanding nod, then tilted his head, pulling up to a red light. "I kind of got the impression you were his only friend, too. I don't think he really considers it ‘bothering,’ I mean, if you want to wait, that's fine, I was just curious. I wasn't sure if you'd told him we were looking for a place or not."

Die peered over at Kaoru. It felt so odd to be hearing it like that. Was he really Kyo's only friend? That struck him harder than he thought, realizing that he wasn't as alone in that as he thought, even when Kyo was so famous. Maybe he would give him a text or two then. He'd been trying not to constantly be blabbing to Kyo, but really he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe he really should be thinking more about the fact that if Kyo got annoyed with him, he was certain he'd hear all about it, right up front. "I'll talk to him today," he decided out loud.

As conflicted as Kaoru was with his jealous nature, he had to take it for what it was, and just be glad Die had someone else, someone there so he didn't feel like he was the only one keeping Die together, keeping him from being lonely. It had been a hard thing to imagine before Kyo came along, something that wore at him around the edges, and even with the lingering thought that one day Die might fuck Kyo, in a situation that did _not_ include Kaoru, or even leave him for Kyo, he was, for now, satisfied knowing Die had a friendship. He nodded a little and turned onto the street just before Die's building. "Good."

He smiled at Kaoru, waiting until they were at his building before he leaned over and kissed his lover rather enthusiastically. When he pulled back, he beamed at him and then waved. "See you tonight." He grabbed his drink and exited the car, heading up to the building with a little bounce in his step.

Kaoru kissed him back with a pleased moan, smiling and waving at him while he watched him go, murmuring to himself, "I love that cute little ass..." admiring it before Die disappeared into the building, and Kaoru headed back home.

**To Be Continued...**


	36. Chapter 35

Once Die was inside the building, he set his station back up, and then pulled out his phone, texting Kyo. _We got a new house... together. I'm kind of mentally planning a house warming party. Is it too much to hope you might be coming over here for some random reason and I could plan around you?_ He sent it and then put the phone in his lap, starting to work on the project again.

Kyo was having an old horror movie marathon with himself, sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, which got thrown into the air the moment his phone rang. Feeling silly, he paused the movie, digging his phone out of the couch cushions, pieces of popcorn littered everywhere like big, salty flakes of snow. _WHAT?! Like, renting, right? That's awesome! My schedule is a little up in the air right now; tours in Japan are pretty anti-climactic. In a month or so, I should be back in LA, if I have a free weekend, I can come see you?_ In all truth, he missed Die, even though they'd only been together once.

Die put the tablet down when his phone vibrated. He picked up the little device and peered at it, reading Kyo's message. _I'm certain you're always welcome, no matter when it is, Kyo. But maybe we could try to pinpoint a date to do a little get together and then you could hang around for a while. After all, no point in coming all the way here for one day._ He sent the message and then put his phone back in his lap, picking up the tablet and starting to work again.

Kyo almost frowned, though he wasn't quite sad at the sentiment, but the fact it had never been extended to him before; to always be welcome. _I'll try and figure something out. <3_

He paused again, saving this time before he picked up the phone and read the text. He smiled, responding quickly. _Miss ya. <3_ Mentally, he almost wanted to ruffle Kyo's hair. It was odd, really, how things morphed between people even when they weren't in the same room. He smiled a little and put the phone back down, going right back to working.

Kyo felt his heart warm at that. Doing shows a lot opened him up emotionally and when he wasn't on stage, he was essentially a very lonely, insecure teenager that thrived on knowing he was loved and missed. Smiling, he closed his phone and got back to his movie, falling asleep with popcorn in his hair not long after.

Die finished off his day at work, leaving about ten minutes late. He went by his old apartment first, doing a walk-through with the landlady and telling her what he was willing to part with out of what was left. She made him an offer of a couple hundred dollars and he took it, not wanting the fuss of moving it all out. She helped pack up the remaining bits of his stuff and kept watch on the car as Die went back and forth with the odds and ends.

Kaoru was dancing around the kitchen to Scissor Sisters when Die called, in the middle of making chicken, rice, and stewed tomatoes, which he found disgusting, but they were Die's favorite. He heated up some corn, as well, making sure he had some iced jasmine tea made. He picked up the phone as he was turning down the music. "Hey sexy. On your way home?"

Die glanced at the crap in his car. "I picked up my shit from the apartment and sold what I couldn't fit to the landlady. But I was debating dropping it all off at the house. What do you think?"

Kaoru blinked, stunned. "...Seriously? Everything?!" He was... well, he wasn't really sure what he was other than incredibly surprised. "All your furniture?" He shook his head, realizing he'd been asked a question. "Uh, yeah! Yeah, sure, that would be easier, right? I guess just... put it in the other bedroom for now, so it will be out of the way while we paint?"

Die smiled. "Okay, will do. I'll be home in probably less than an hour, okay?" He flipped it to speaker phone and buckled up, starting the car and then pulling out, heading toward the new house.

Kaoru hung up after saying goodbye, sort of pouting at the kitchen around him, having been ready for Die to come home any minute now. He sighed and cut the heat down, adding a little water to the dish in the oven so that the chicken wouldn't dry out, and poured himself a glass of wine, sitting at the table and reading while he waited for Die to come home.

Die went to the new house, quickly unloading everything and putting it into the back bedroom. By the time he was done, he was hot and a little sweaty. He locked up the house and then left, driving home rather quickly, impatient to get back to his lover.

After forty five minutes, Kaoru had to take the chicken out before it was terrible, setting it on top of the stove. He hoped Die would be home soon, otherwise dinner would not be so great; a little dry, and just sort of room temperature. He wasn't too annoyed, though, after all, Die was late for taking care of things that needed to be squared away so that they could move forward into their new place.

By the time Die got home, he was excited in more ways than one. In his mind, he was going to give Kaoru a little lovin' of his own brand after bursting in the door happily. But the moment he pushed the door open and smelled his favorite dish cooking, he ditched the thoughts of ravishing his lover and instead moved on to dinner. He shoved his shoes off and dumped his messenger bag in the corner, heading into the kitchen with a pleased look. "My favorite!"

Kaoru smiled, leaning back in the chair to look at Die, reaching to pull his lover by the front of his shirt into an upside-down kiss. "Of course, baby. Get everything taken care of?" He stood and kissed Die properly before pulling down plates and starting to divvy out portions, careful to leave as many tomatoes as possible off of his own plate, and adding some of the corn. He pointed to the yellow kernels. "Do you want some of this, too?"

Die kissed Kaoru back, smiling. "You're so sweet," he murmured before he went to sit down, yanking his shirt free of his trousers as he went. He glanced at the corn and then shrugged. "A tiny bit."

Nodding, Kaoru added a little and then set the plates down, getting two glasses. Silverware was already at both their places. "Do you want tea or milk?"

“Tea, please," he murmured, picking up his fork and tearing into the chicken, shoving it into his mouth with a moan. It was so good... incredibly good, in fact.

Kaoru set a glass of tea down and kissed Die's hair before pouring himself a glass and sitting down, cutting the chicken breast up. "Did I make it right this time?" He'd had to do a few test runs to get the dish the way Die liked it.

Die nodded. "Oh yeah... it's tasty." He smiled happily at his lover, pushing more food into his mouth.

Kaoru gave a soft little smile, eating slowly. "So did you want to go ahead and go to Lowe’s or something and look at paint? Or would you rather wait until tomorrow?"

Die shrugged. "We can do it today. It's not real late." He speared a tomato piece and shoved it into his mouth. "Sounds like loads of fun."

Kaoru smirked a little at Die's enthusiasm, sipping his tea. "I hate that we can't do bold colors, but, maybe we could find a really earthy rose or like a red brick color that isn't so pigment saturated, ya know? Something kind of sexy and warm." He blushed a little, giving a little shrug. "We'll find something."

Die nodded a little. "It's all good. I'm sure we can find something that'll work, you know?" He smiled softly.

Nodding, Kaoru forced himself to finish his plate. He was full after three-fourths of it, but ate it all anyway. Standing, he rinsed his plate and set it in the sink, coming back and pinching Die's cheek a little. "Do you want some more, pumpkin?"

Die peered up at him, shaking his head a little. "Nah, I'm good." He finished off the last tomato and mushroom, grinning happily with him. "Thank you for making this for me."

Kaoru shrugged like it was nothing, taking Die's plate to rinse it before putting all their dishes into the washer. "Anything for you, baby." He suppressed a little shiver at just how true that statement was anymore. Putting away the leftovers, he went into the bedroom to grab a zip-up hoodie to throw on instead of the velvet blazer from earlier. He had changed into a comfortable pair of jeans when he get on home, as well, but was still wearing the v-neck t-shirt. "I'm ready whenever you are, but there's no rush."

Die stood up and then headed for the bathroom. Once he was done with his business, he washed up and came back out, stretching a little.

"I'm good to go," he murmured, rubbing idly at his stomach.

Kaoru looked him over. "You didn't want to change real quick? I figured you'd want to get out of those work clothes." He smoothed down the collar of Die's shirt, kissing his chin. "I'm not complaining, though, if you're cool."

Die looked down at his clothing and then shrugged. "Actually... yeah." He slipped away, pulling off the shirt and then tossing it in the hamper, grabbing a tank top and pulling it on.

Kaoru waited patiently by the door, just wearing flip-flops. He flipped through his phone a bit, opening a text from his sister who had apparently just gotten his text that they had gotten the house, in which she excitedly congratulated him and told him to tell Die hello. "Sachiko says hi!" he called into the bedroom, smiling and replying with a thank you.

"Tell her hi back!" Die replied, quickly shoving off his slacks and pulling on a pair of blue jeans. Once that was done, he switched over his stuff from his pockets and moved back to Kaoru's side, getting his own flip-flops on.

Kaoru smiled, tagging onto the text that Die returned the hello and then left the apartment, phone in his pocket, waiting on Die to lock the door. Going down the stairs, he sighed. "I will be so happy when the only stairs I climb to get home are the ones up to _our_ house."

Die laughed. "Yeah, I know... me too." He locked up and followed Kaoru out to the parking lot.

Unlocking his car with the remote, Kaoru got in behind the wheel and started the engine, waiting on Die to buckle in before heading towards the nearest home improvement store. Die settled in the car, crossing one slim leg over the other. He was quiet on the way, playing sudoku on his phone for a long while before he stopped when they arrived. Thankfully, Thursdays were not particularly busy and the parking lot was not very full. He hated walking around these huge warehouse stores when it was jam-packed full of people carrying all kinds of crazy things from pipes to boards to power tools. Parking, he got out and tucked his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. It was warm out during the day, but the nights still had a chill to them, and he knew the air conditioner would be cranked inside.

Die got out, reaching to hook one arm through Kaoru's, and Kaoru bit his lip, trying not to beam with having his man on his arm. He could feel eyes on them - there weren't a lot of gay couples with the balls to be as open as they were - but he couldn't find it in himself to give a fuck, hugging Die's arm close to his side. Walking in through the automatic doors, a gust of AC hit him and he shivered, looking around for the paint department and heading that way.

Die smiled at everyone who stared, not caring what the people's thoughts were about it. He smiled happily, moving alongside Kaoru into the paints area. He headed right for the reds, intent on finding something nice.

Kaoru kept his titter behind his hand, scanning neutral colors to suggest for the living room and bedrooms. He pulled swatches, collecting some just because the colors inspired him, something to keep for later and maybe spring board off of for a photo project. As he started to pull them, he noticed the names of the paints. "Seriously?" He spoke in a sarcastically sultry tone. " _Warm Butter, Peas in a Pod, Shaded Spruce, Enchanted Evening._ " A laugh left him. "Who the fuck comes up with these?"

Die snorted, holding up his. "How the fuck is this Fondue? It's freaking gray." He screwed up his nose. "And Fruit Shake and Leather Bound?" He snorted, but then held up another one, a light rose type of color. "What about this one for the bathroom?"

Kaoru snorted, coming over and lacing his fingers together on Die's hip, hugging him around the waist. He looked at the color and shrugged. It was surprisingly closer to pink than he thought Die would have chosen. "The bathroom is your project, baby."

He smiled a little and tucked that one in his pocket for later. He continued on through the samples, though he kind of leaned back into Kaoru's touch. "Love you, sweet pea."

Kaoru blushed, hugging around Die's waist and not giving a shit that they're sugar-sweet affection was most likely nauseating for most people around, genders aside. He passed a warm grey-toned color and stopped; it wasn't quite violet, more of a brown, but it wasn't particularly dark and it felt... safe. He imagined himself in a room painted with the color and how womb-like it would feel. He plucked the sample up from the display and pointed it out on the swatch. "What about that?" He didn't really care where; he was just drawn to the color.

Die peered at it and then murmured, "Dude, we could do the living room in Italian Villa and do all the baseboards and accents in Desert Willow. Italian Villa is close enough to white. What do you think?"

Kaoru tilted his head. "Mm. Can I do the kitchen with the dark one, too? And, what if we did something off-white with more of a green undertone? Like this one?" He pointed out Aegean Mist - the names were still killing him - and looked at Die with a little, "hmm?"

He couldn't stop thinking about what Die had said about wanting it to be their house and not his again. He knew he was a control freak, but he was trying to share the reigns without completely letting go of them. He had a feeling picking a color for the bedroom was going to be a very delicate procedure in the fight avoidance department.

Die nodded. “Dark one is good for the kitchen, maybe do a slightly darker one for baseboards in there?" He peered at the green one. "Guest room?"

Kaoru blinked, then understood how Die had taken it. "Oh! I meant, instead of the Italian... veranda or whatever it was, doing the greenish one in the living room. It's still really close to white, but has a little more pop to it." He tapped his chin a little. "I'm kind of conflicted about the guest room... I'd like to paint it, too, but if we do end up using it as a studio for both of us, I'm kind of wary whether or not in a small room like that if the color will sort of... saturate lighting for photos? Like, photos I take in my room are always darker and cool-colored when I don't over-light."

Die blinked a little. "They always dry a lot darker than they really are. Every greenish-white I've ever used has dried as a mint or sea foam color." He tilted his head a little.

Kaoru made a sucking sound with his teeth sort of like a tsk. "Damn! I like how it looks there..." He shrugged a little and sighed, putting it back. "What about a gold undertone? I just don't want it to be like... creme. Or stark white. You know?" He looked at Die for opinions, pointing out a few different pale golds that were nearly white, but had just that hint of color Kaoru was looking for.

"I don't like creme either, hence this trip." He laughed, softly. "Mmm..." he pointed at a gold. "That one's nice." He wasn't unwilling to bend, he'd just seen some terrible stuff happen with paints with green tinges.

Kaoru plucked out that sample, too, keeping the ones they were considering for paint separate from the splashes of color he had picked up as inspiration. "Okay, so... that's bathroom, living room, and kitchen. I don't think we can do the whole house in a weekend, so we can save the dining area and the little breakfast nook for later. Really, I don't plan to paint the kitchen until we've moved in a little, either." He chuckled a bit and grabbed Die's hand. "Now, bedroom... come on, let's take a little walk and discuss before we start picking out colors. So... what types of feel or theme were you thinking of?" He figured he'd let Die run a few options by him and pick his favorite, and then they could elaborate on that. After all, they were going to buy a whole new bedroom suite and everything, too, so they didn't really have to worry about what matched what they already had.

Die thought about the bedroom issue, frowning a little in thought. After a minute, he shrugged. "I was thinking it would be best to order the bedroom set we're getting and then bring a picture of it, then match the color to that. You know?"

Kaoru checked the watch Die had given him. "It's not too late now. Do you want to get what paint we've picked out now and just... go head over to that big furniture store downtown? The sooner the better, and it will be a hell of a lot easier to paint before furniture and stuff goes in." He thought of something then. "Oh thank god, we can have all the bedroom stuff delivered." He made a sort of fist pump. "A few less things to worry about!"

Die grinned, nodding. "Let's go get these colors mixed and then head over to look at the bedroom sets." He liked that idea a lot.

With a nod, Kaoru pulled out the color samples, confirming with Die which ones they had agreed on and then taking them to the counter and asking for a gallon of each, two of the pale gold color. The high school student mixing the paints was fast and friendly, thankfully, suggesting they pick out rollers and brushes while he mixed up the four cans of paints. Kaoru gave a nod and tugged Die over to the tools, grabbing a few disposable paint trays and an edger with a pack of replacement pads, looking at the different roller heads and trying to decide what would be best.

Die smiled at the teenager, moving off to show Kaoru that they should get two different kinds of rollers depending on if they were trying to do something slightly textured looking or if they wanted to do a straight coat. He wanted the textured one for the bathroom.

Kaoru nodded and grabbed two of each, just in case paint proved impossible to get out of one and head back towards the counter where the helpful student was just finishing up the last can of paint. "Would you like me to go ahead and ring you up here?" he asked, realized he wasn't really sure which one of them he should be asking.

Die nodded. "Yeah, for sure." He grinned and then pulled out his wallet, plucking his card out.

Everything was run up, the paint rollers and whatnot put into bags with stirring sticks and such, and the total popped up on the card machine, waiting for Die to swipe and sign. Kaoru tried hard not to look at the amount, pinching Die's butt as discreetly as possible.

Die ran his card, clicked yes, and then sighed. He put the card away and smiled back at Kaoru, lifting one eyebrow. Silly boy.

Kaoru stuck his tongue out playfully and grabbed a can of paint and the bags in one hand, another can of paint in the other. He started walking towards the exit again, a little bounce in his step. Then they reached the car, he cursed a little, realizing his keys were in his pocket. Rather than put a can down and get them himself, he pouted at Die. "Baby... my keys are in the front pocket of my jeans. Will you get them for me?"

Die picked up the rest of the stuff, following Kaoru out. He laughed softly, reaching into Kaoru's pocket and grabbing his keys, hitting the remote to open the car, popping the trunk.

Kaoru tossed everything in, kissing Die's cheek as he took back his keys. "Thank you, tiger." He got in the car and put Pretty Hate Machine in the CD player, starting towards downtown to the large furniture store, a huge warehouse full of ridiculous variety of everything from patio furniture to bedroom sets.

"I'm glad we're getting some of this done."

Kaoru found his lover's hand and slipped his own into it. "The sooner we get this done, the happier I'll be." His thumb stroked the back of Die's hand and he smiled, keeping his hand there until they had reached the furniture store, letting go only long enough for both of them to be out of the car and then back beside each other again, headed towards the door of the huge store. "I'm following you, baby. I figure it would be easiest if you pointed out a few different things you like and then I'll pick out of those?" He was trying so hard to show Die he wanted this to be about them and not him; he knew he could be overbearing sometimes.

Die almost bounced into the store, happily going to the bedroom area, trying hard to find a wide variety of things to show Kaoru. First was a black bedroom set that was on the cheaper end, four pieces and not very fancy. Then a carved oak set that was probably one of the most expensive things in the store. And then a little Japanese-type setup in black, and finally a rather classy set that the store had chosen to do up in white and purple. There was a little end bench for the bed, two dressers, two end tables, the king size bed, and of course a little reclining chair that came in multiple colors.

Kaoru tried to wait until Die was done picking to say anything and start making evaluations, though at the Japanese-styled set, he sighed, hugging his lover's arm. "I like this one, but... I think I surround myself with things that remind me of home because I miss it." However, when Die pointed out the set in white and purple, the little wall behind the bed painted a cozy, calming grey, he blinked at it, imagining their things in it, some floating shelves with candles and books and pictures of them or art pieces from both of them hung up. A smile slid over his lips. "I love it."

Die beamed when Kaoru said he liked the last one. He shifted away from Kaoru to go and look at the tag, reading all about it. "It comes in pillow top or sleep number bedding that fits the frame perfectly. And there's a few extra things," he passed a little booklet to Kaoru. There were things like lamps and extra shelves, etc. that all matched the other things.

Kaoru chuckled at him, taking the booklet and flipping through. He wasn't particularly fond of the lamps, but the shelves would be nice. He crawled up on the bed and reclined with a sigh. "This is niiiiiice."

Die grinned at him, following suit and laying down next to him. He nudged Kaoru's side. "Too bad we can't just take test runs with the beds, eh?" He laughed.

Kaoru smiled, rolling his eyes at Die as he shifting to snuggle against his lover's chest. "This feels pretty good... but you always feel good." He closed his eyes and sighed happily. "So what do you think? Should we go for it and buy it now?" He wondered if there was any way they could charge half and half or something to their credit cards.

"Yeah, I think we should." He glanced over at Kaoru and then rolled over to gently kiss him on the lips before he pulled away and stood up. He took the little card with him, heading toward a sales rep.

Kaoru smiled at the kiss, rolling off the bed and then noticing a little display with a sample card of the paint color on the display wall. He grinned and plucked it up. "Well that's easy. Hey, baby, do you want to do the same color? It's really cozy, and then we can switch the bedding if we want to change the color scheme." After all, the frame of the bed - a simple, discreet platform - and the furniture was all black, the padded headboard and the little chair a misty grey, with just a slight hint of violet to them, the bench a pristine white.

Die glanced back at Kaoru. He gave a thumbs up to the other man. "Love it. Maybe we could do every other wall, this grey and then a lighter grey?" He paused a few feet from the sales person, waiting on Kaoru's answer.

Kaoru shrugged a little. "Maybe." As much as he'd like to get super creative, he realized that painting was a bitch and he didn't want them to bite off more than they could chew. "Maybe do a single accent wall with a lighter color?"

Die shrugged a little. That didn't sound overly fancy, so it was probably okay. He blew a kiss to Kaoru and then turned to find the sales person, showing him what he wanted, making the guy more than enthusiastic to help him out. He led him back toward Kaoru and then asked, "Hunny, pillow top or sleep number mattress?"

Kaoru was snapping pictures of the set for reference when they went to look at lamps, bedding, etc. "Ummm... pillow top." He brushed his hand down Die's side and just stood and smiled, the reality of the whole situation starting to sift free and fall to the bottom of his consciousness. This felt more like a dream than something that was actually happening, and he couldn't decide if that sensation was good or bad.

Die relayed pillow top to the man filling out their purchase order. He smiled at what Kaoru was doing, quietly adding on a second night stand and two more dressers. The total was... astronomical, but he didn't even flinch. He'd known it would be. He passed off his card and set up the delivery date for one week away, giving them enough time to get shit settled.

Kaoru pulled out of his little daydream and blinked, trying to get a word in edge-wise before the clerk walked off with Die's card. He turned and looked up at Die, brows pushed together in a V. "Baby! That's a ridiculous cost! I was going to see if they'd let us split it somehow." He knew Die wasn't exactly all that stable financially already and he didn't want his lover digging himself a deeper hole. He thought for a moment. "The seven hundred in the little silk box I gave you... keep it. I was saving it for this, anyway. I'll pay you back the rest later."

Die blushed a bit when Kaoru sort of scolded him. "You paid for the rent and stuff, so I pay for this. It's only fair... right?" Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure, but he was going with that theory anyway. Though he had to admit, having the cash not just laying around sounded good to him.

Kaoru frowned a little. "Still. Keep the cash in the box." He squeezed Die's hand and started over to some of the living room stuff while they waited for Die's card to be brought back and anything they needed to sign. "So... did you leave all your furniture at the apartment? Are you bringing any of it?" If not, that meant they were left with just his little dining room table, his couch and coffee table, TV, entertainment center, a small table, and some bookshelves. Not much. For now it would do, but he felt a little odd that Die might have left everything but his belongings behind.

Die shrugged a little. "Yeah... I brought the desk I use to work on, since it collapses, but I figured my stuff wouldn't really match your stuff, so... I sold it to my landlady." He glanced back at Kaoru. "Didn't get much for it, but at least we won't have to deal with moving it... right?" He gave him a worried look.

"Sure," Kaoru agreed, feeling bad for some reason that Die had left so much behind. He laced their fingers together and sat on the arm of a big maroon leather couch. "Die, I want you to know that... that this means so much to me. And I just... I hope you don't feel like I'm dragging you into this. I know it's a big step..." In all honesty, this was not the right time to be having this conversation - the lease was signed and the paint and furniture were bought. But all the same, Kaoru wanted Die to know that his _choice_ to do this was the most important part of the whole thing.

Die studied Kaoru while he spoke and then shook his head slightly. "I don't feel dragged into this," he murmured. "I want to do this with you." He reached out and gently ran a hand down Kaoru's cheek. "Look... if it makes you uncomfortable that I sold my stuff to the landlady, I can maybe go and get some of it back? I just... I didn't think you'd want any of it." He shrugged a little.

Kaoru's toes curled at that. It hurt, for some reason, but he knew Die hadn't meant for it to sting. Biting the inside of his cheek, hard, he nodded. "I mean, if you really don't want it, if you didn't want to deal with it, fine, but... baby, it's your things. Besides, it's just us, I figured we could put my little dining room table in the breakfast nook and one of our couches in the dining area like another little parlor, somewhere to sit and read or something?" He shrugged. "Just a thought... I... I don't know, I just feel weird when you change or leave things behind because of me. It makes me feel like you think I don't appreciate who you are right now." He reached up and pinched the muscle running down Die's shoulder, massaging it affectionately. "You're perfect, Die."

He studied him and then bit his lip. After a minute, he leaned in and gently kissed Kaoru. "I'll see if I can haggle some of it back. Maybe just my couch and... um..." he was at a total loss. "What else do you think?" He didn't want to make Kaoru feel bad, he really didn't.

Kaoru shrugged a little. "I don't know. The mirror over your dresser? A bookshelf or something? Anything you're attached to, or feel like you're wasting money not getting more use out of." He licked his lips, tasting Die there.

Die nodded a little. He could bring the black bookshelf and the mirror, the couch, and maybe one other thing. He smiled a little. "Maybe I can keep most of it in the spare room?" He wasn't really sure.

Kaoru nodded. "Sure. We could keep the bedroom more strictly just... sleep and sex related," he chuckled a little, "and books and desks and things like that everywhere else." He was rather proud of his book collection, after all; he liked the way they looked, all jammed together on shelves, different colors and bindings and sizes.

Die smiled, feeling a little less like he was going to rip out his pockets trying to find enough money for everything he'd left behind. He'd just kind of thought that Kaoru would want to do things in his style, not in Die's, and he hadn't thought at all about just keeping it in the spare room. Kaoru's furniture leaned more toward a Japanese style and Die's own was more modern and minimalist. But he supposed in the spare room, it didn't really matter.

Kaoru stood again, looking around for the clerk before smirking playfully at Die. "Tell me three things you love about me," he quipped in a voice that let Die know he was trying to be cute, not arrogant.

Die snorted. "Easy. Your personality, your dick, and your hair."

Kaoru chuckled a little self-consciously, blushing as he tossed his hair over his shoulder, murmuring, "It is getting long, isn't it?" Taking both of Die's hands, he looked up at his lover. "I love how warm your eyes are, and the way you smell, and the cute little way you wrinkle your nose when you can't get something to work the way you want it to."

Die listened to him, blushing a little and then laughing softly. "Why thank you, lovely."

Kaoru bit the inside of his cheek and offered a tiny nod. "You're welcome." Thinking a moment, he asked another question. "What are three things about me that kind of bug you?"

Die blinked and then made a little face. He was very quiet when he did speak, keeping it personal. "The drugs... which you're stopping, sometimes you're a little overbearing and I feel kind of... helpless, and other than that... I can't think of anything else." He frowned a little, hoping he wasn't going to upset Kaoru with the second bit.

Kaoru bit his cheek harder. "I don't mean to be. You've just got to push me and tell me to back off. I don't realize when I'm being a total control freak." He paused before pressing on. "It bothers me sometimes how you'll deal with how you assume I'll react to something and punish yourself. Like the 'DO NOT TOUCH' box. And leaving your furniture. I mean, if it was really just whatever to you and easier to do it that way, then fine, but... don't think that I wouldn't want your stuff. It's our place; part of the whole deal is our things coming together." He sighed and put his hands on Die's hips. "And I don't like how you let other people treat you... but I suppose if it doesn't really bother you, then it isn't so bad. I just don't think you deserve the kind of attitude people at work seemed to give you."

Die listened to what Kaoru had to say, nodding in response to it. He leaned in, gently kissing Kaoru's forehead. "I'm sorry... I just get ahead of myself sometimes and I think of how to solve a problem that maybe isn't even there in the first place." He sighed. "I'm kind of all or nothing when I react to things... and honestly, it annoys me, too." He paused, thinking about it for a long moment before he murmured, "I'm getting part of my furniture and well... the box is at the house. I didn't know what else to do with it. Maybe... we can just go through it and talk... or something?" He shrugged a little. "And as for the people at work... they're confused and ignorant. Not all of them are that way, but most of them are conservative idiots. I ignore them in hopes they will ignore me. It's easier than getting fired for starting fights about fairness."

Nodding, Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die's waist in a hug. "Yeah, we can talk about it, baby." He kept his mouth shut about the way Die was treated at work, not going any further; his temper was easily tripped by such things, so he let it alone. Again, he looked around for the clerk to return Die's card and such so they could go.

The man who'd run off with his card reappeared eventually, giving Die a slip to sign and then setting up the actual time of day for the delivery before Die got his card and his copy of the receipt. He thanked the guy and then led Kaoru off toward the exit.

Kaoru swung their hands in between them, taking his keys out of his pocket. "Do you want to drive, babe?" he asked, just curious. "We can run by and get the grey tomorrow, I'm ready to head home and settle in. Planning is surprisingly exhausting!"

Die accepted the keys from Kaoru, taking it as a hint that he didn't want to drive right then. "Yeah... tends to be." He smiled softly at his baby.

Kaoru got in on the passenger side and sort of curled up in the seat, yawning. "When we get home, do you wanna snuggle up in bed and maybe watch a movie or something on my laptop?"

Die smiled, nodding. "Yeah, that sounds good." He tugged on his seat belt and started the car, pulling out almost immediately after, intent to get home as soon as possible.

Relaxing back against the seat, Kaoru reached over and played his fingers up and down Die's leg on the drive home. So much had happened today, making it feel like several. He knew the weekend would be grueling, but it would be worth it if it meant that in a few weeks, they'd be pretty well settled together in their new home.

Die's eyes flicked over to his lover and then back to the road. The way he felt right then was unstoppable, his happiness complete for the time being.

Kaoru stared out the window, watching the city go by. The thought that he would no longer have to take this drive, out over the interstate and to the other side of town, past the smell of the chicken factory, in only a few short weeks, made him very happy. When Die pulled up in the parking lot, Kaoru got out, waiting for the trunk to be popped and then thinking out loud, "Should we just leave the stuff in here? I mean, we're going to be using it tomorrow." He gave a little shrug.

Die parked the car and then got out, nodding. "Yeah, I was thinking it'd be easier." He stretched and then fished around in his pockets, finding a cigarette and lighting it up to smoke before they got up to Kaoru's apartment.

Kaoru hugged Die around the waist, stealing a few drags off his cigarette while he waited for Die to finish, unable to keep his hands off Die, in an uncommonly snuggly mood. He tugged the sleeve of his hoodie over his hand and rubbed his nose a little. "Any preferences on what to watch?"

Die didn't mind sharing his cig with Kaoru, not at all. Once the question came, he shrugged a little. "Dunno... something we don't care if we fall asleep during." He laughed.

Kaoru chuckled and nodded. He yawned a little, tugging Die towards the steps up to the apartment. "It's probably best we turn in early, anyway. I want to get as much as I can done tomorrow to make sure we can really finish painting this weekend. If we're lucky, maybe we can actually get _all_ of it done, if we can figure out a color for the dining room, or whatever it's going to end up being." He shrugged and took Die's hand, heading for the door.

Die put out the butt of the cigarette on the pavement and headed in after Kaoru. "I don't think we can get it done in a day, baby. Painting is a pain in the fucking ass." He shook his head. "Plus, we forgot the white for the ceilings." He made a face. "We'll have to pick that shit up in the morning, ceilings come first."

Kaoru cursed. "Goddammit, you're right." He sighed, stepping into the apartment kicking off his flip-flops. "I didn't think we could get it done in a day, I just want to try and get as much done as we can." He went into the kitchen and grabbed a little bottle of pineapple juice, sipping at it. "I'll do the ceilings tomorrow while you're at work. And tarps to put down, too, we forgot about those. Then maybe you can change when you get off, then pick up something to eat and we'll have dinner together before we tackle the walls?"

Die nodded. That sounded like a good plan. "Make sure you get stark white to keep the rooms bright, yeah?" He slipped his flip-flops off and headed to the bedroom. "Bring your laptop?'

Kaoru nodded, grabbing his computer and putting it on the bed, pulling up Netflix and pushing to towards Die. "You pick. I'm gonna brush my teeth and stuff real quick." He shucked off all his clothes and grabbed a pair of plaid pajama bottoms, pulling them on before going into the bathroom and putting on a headband to keep his bangs back, washing his face and brushing his teeth, moisturizing before he came back into the bedroom and slid under the covers.

Die selected some random new-ish movie that he hadn't seen yet and then followed after Kaoru, doing his nightly stuff, including a five minute shower before coming back and flopping down.

Kaoru had pulled the movie up and let it load, reading while he waited on Die, putting the book aside and snuggling up next to his lover, pulling the computer in between them. He got comfortable and then hit play, only half-paying attention, more transfixed on Die's skin and heartbeat and his clean smell.

Die curled up with Kaoru, peering down at the screen as the movie started to play. There was a gentle smile on his lips the entire time, glad to have a comforting moment like this again.

Kaoru made it about half-way through before he started to doze off, going in and out of sleep. About the third time he woke back up, just before the end of the movie, he yawned, nuzzling Die's shoulder. "Mm, you made a good pillow."

Die managed to stay awake until the very end, smirking at Kaoru each time he dozed off, glad he wasn't prone to snoring like a buzz-saw. "Do I?"

Kaoru purred, nodding. "Nn, you do." He leaned up and kissed Die sweetly before dropping his head back down on the pillow beside his lover's shoulder, looking up at him. He was tired, but he was also a little horny; dreams had flitted through his dozing of Die's body, the ones he had now and again of his lover completely male, with a gorgeous, perfect cock that felt like it would split him in two and left copious amounts of cum in him. He debated telling Die about the dreams sometimes, but he didn't want to run the risk of hurting Die's feeling by pointing out that that was not the reality of the situation. He waited for the movie to finish, though, not wanting to interrupt since Die had actually been watching it. If his lover showed any interest for sex, he would pursue, otherwise, they'd just go to sleep.

Die watched until the credits rolled all the way through, reaching to close the program and then shut down Kaoru's computer since he was looking pretty well like he wanted to just sleep. Carefully, he set it aside and then squirmed down under the covers. He put his hand on Kaoru's belly, rubbing there. "So... I was thinking... maybe we could get a cat?"

The rubbing over his stomach made Kaoru shiver, his dick twitching a little as if it was asking "Hey, are we not going to sleep yet?" He chuckled a bit at Die's request. "I thought you were allergic! That fence in the side yard wouldn't take much to fix, maybe we could get a dog?" He shrugged. "We'll think about it, it's nothing we have to decide right now

"They have those hairless kinds... the odd looking Egyptian ones?" He tilted his head a little. "I just think it'd be sweet to have something to greet us home every day." His hand absently trailed a little lower, rubbing ever closer to Kaoru's dick.

"Those things are so ugly!" Kaoru laughed, shifting under Die, looking at him in the dimness of street lamps filtering in through the curtains. He hips shifted a little as Die moved his hand lower, letting out the tiniest of moans. "I'm really not an animal person, but, we'll see." He wouldn't throw the option out entirely, but if they were going to get a pet, it wouldn't be for a little while, anyway, after they'd settled in a bit. He reached down and rubbed up Die's arm, sighing through his nose. "Nn... baby, if you wanna go to sleep, you'd better stop going any further south."

Die laughed. "But personality is ninety percent... right?" Even with a pet Die thought this was true. That's why he'd gotten the Venus fly trap instead of something pretty like a rose bush. He nodded a little. He wasn't going to open his mouth and tell Kaoru that a pet would be like their child, since he couldn't give Kaoru one of those. He bit his lip a little and then laughed softly, running his hand further down, grasping his lover's partly hard length. "Mmm... horny, baby?"

The touch to his cock made all other thoughts and points of conversation vanish. "Unh... yes." He rolled a little bit towards Die, smoothing his hand down his lover's side. "How were you the rest of the day?" he asked in an almost cruel voice that was still laced with lust. "Were you sore? Did my cum leak back out of you little by little, or did it all come at once and make you have to run off to the little boy's room to mop up?"

Die let out a rough moan at Kaoru's instant dirty talk. Damn... his lover was fucking horny if he was spewing talk like this. He chuckled darkly as he squirmed around, getting his silk pants off and then slipping down between Kaoru's legs. "Mmm... I had a wet spot on my pants all day, baby..." he ducked under the covers, his mouth surrounding the tip of Kaoru's dick before his lover could even think of protesting.

Kaoru let out a loud, sharp moan. His body tensed for a moment, then relaxed, looking at the lump under the covers that was Die sucking him off. He lay back against the pillows and mewled, toes curling. Die was such an expert at this... no one had ever sucked his cock the way the redhead did. He pulled the covers up to peek into the darkness at Die, grinning a little. "Hmmmm... why don't you stick that pretty little ass up here, baby? I'll eat you out."

Die turned his eyes up to stare at Kaoru for a long moment, slurping away at Kaoru's dick while the other spoke to him. He pulled off with a pop and gave him a dirty little grin, before he pushed himself up, crawling up and then turning around to face Kaoru's feet, shifting until he had his legs on either side of Kaoru's head. He settled down low to make it easier for Kaoru and then went back to feasting on his lover's cock, sucking and moaning as he bobbed his head.

Kaoru bit his lip, holding onto Die's thighs as the other lowered himself to be practically sitting on his face. He canted his hips forward just a little as Die went back to work and he craned his neck forward, licking Die with the flat of his tongue from his clit nearly back to his asshole. He lapped at the other's slit for a while, toying around it, before starting to fuck his lover's pussy with his tongue, fingers sliding up on either side of his little cock and rubbing at it.

Die continued his magic with Kaoru's dick, sucking like a high dollar whore, moaning around it the entire time. Truth was, he loved sucking dick. Something about his mouth being full of the ultimate proof of manhood just put him on edge to start with. The combination of that with Kaoru actually fucking his pussy with his tongue had him squirming around desperately.

It wasn't even two minutes before he moved, quickly crawling down Kaoru's body, steadying his lover's dick with his hand and then plunging down on it, riding him hard from the moment he started. He leaned forward, holding onto the bedsheets as he bounced on Kaoru's lap, their flesh slapping loudly in the otherwise quiet room.

When Die moved away, Kaoru pouted, but he shut up quickly enough when Die's hot cunt slid over him, squeezing his cock in its heat. Die's rhythm made him start to pant, holding onto his lover's waist and bucking up into him, head tossed back against the pillows. "Die! Fuck, pull my hair! Pull it hard, baby!"

Die fucked him hard, already close to his edge, the taste of Kaoru still on his tongue. But then his lover was asking him to pull his hair and he doubted he meant the hair he could reach from his current position. That meant he had one of two options. He either had to turn around or he had to try and do it while sitting up and reaching back. He slowed down, debating what to do.

He let out a pitiful sound, deciding he didn't need to break his back to do this. He pushed himself up off Kaoru's dick, one leg moving over him and then he scooted to turn around. His other leg slipped over Kaoru and he re-seated himself before reaching up and taking Kaoru's hair in both hands, twining it around his hands. He started to move again, tugging a little harder each time on Kaoru's hair.

Kaoru watched Die switch around, not even having thought what an impossible task he was asking for with Die facing away from him. He huffed a little as Die got off and turned around. "Sorry, should have sat up for you." As soon as Die was back on his cock, though, it didn't really matter. The hands in his hair had him going crazy, tugging back against them, his own hands clawing into Die's hips, leaving angry welts on his skin. "Oh fuck, baby, harder! I'm gonna cum, pull harder!"

Die growled out in appreciation for how Kaoru was treating his body. He liked it when it got rough and dirty. He started going faster, fucking himself on Kaoru as hard as he could, moaning like a whore. His body was already straining for his orgasm, insides clenching down hard on him.

The increased tightness had Kaoru almost screaming, bringing one hand up to pull Die's wrist, making his lover nearly pull a chunk of his hair out. He strained and thrashed like he was pain, and he was, but he certainly wasn't complaining about it. A choked sound left him as he came, tensed up, pushed as deep into Die as he could get. This was bliss.

Die cried out when he felt Kaoru's hot load start to fill him. He strained harder for a moment, panting as he fucked the hell out of himself on Kaoru's dick until he let out a near scream, his body feeling like it was starting to explode as his orgasm crashed into him.

Kaoru saw nothing but white and stars for a while, smiling as he heard Die's cry, felt his muscles stutter around him, contracting rhythmically. The fingers which had just been clawing Die nearly bloody a moment before smoothed over the same flesh now. "Enjoy yourself, tiger?"

Die flopped down onto Kaoru, his head swimming, muscles twitching. He chuckled softly. "Sorry... I'm gonna have to clean you and the bed up now," he murmured, half slurring it.

Kaoru rubbed Die's back, purring. "I don't mind. That was so fucking good..." He felt over the welt on Die's hips and side, frowning. "I didn't hurt you too bad, did I?"

Die snorted. "No, baby, it's all good. I enjoyed it." He grinned.

Kaoru rolled them onto their sides and, despite the fact that he was losing his erection, rocked his hips into Die a bit more, kissing him slowly. "Well, I'm certainly going to sleep well, now."

Die chuckled softly, hooking one leg over Kaoru's. "Mmm... me, too, baby... me, too."

Kaoru sucked at Die's bottom lip, slipping out of his lover gently. With a groan, he got up, going into the bathroom for a washcloth. The bed wasn't so bad, he'd leave that. Cleaning himself, he then washed between Die's legs, kissing his knee, tossing the washcloth off in a hamper and then curling up under the covers with Die again, snuggling against his chest. He sighed happily and thought about their conversation earlier. "Tell me three things you like about us, together."

Die lay there, lazy and sated, waiting on Kaoru to come with him. He sniffed a bit and then yawned. "Mmm... feeling close to someone for once, that I know I won't have to come home to an empty house every day, and, of course, the sex."

Kaoru sank deeper down against the sheets, kissing the skin closest to his lips. "Mm. Do you think in five years, we might still be together?"

Die nodded. "I certainly hope so."

A happy, sleepy smile spread itself across Kaoru's mouth and he tugged Die against him more. "Mmmm... good." He gave a deep sigh and kissing Die's shoulder again before drifting off to sleep.

Die was fast to follow him off to sleep, though he made sure his alarm was set for the following morning, making sure he would get up at the right time for work.

**To Be Continued…**


	37. Chapter 36

The following couple of days were tiring for both Die and Kaoru, neither one of them really and truly resting up. First came the painting, a tedious job that was more something that 'had' to be done rather than something either of them really wanted to do. Die had started out thinking it would be fun, joyfully painting his first wall and a half in the bathroom, Kaoru having done the ceilings for him the first day. But halfway through the room, he'd felt like his arms were going to fall off and there was paint _everywhere_ , in his hair and on his clothing, including on his work pants that he'd forgotten to change out of like a complete idiot.

In the end, even dinner hadn't set well with him, causing him to have to break to use the bathroom about as often as he had to re-load the paint roller. But somehow, they made it through that night and the following two, getting the place painted up pretty damn nice in the end. The bathroom was the pretty rose-like color Die had found, the bedroom was done in two tones of grey, and the rest of the house done up in the colors Kaoru had found and they'd agreed upon.

After they'd given it time to dry and air out, they started to move things in. Die's furniture came first, his land lady giving him almost no shit over taking part of it back, just smiling knowingly at him and asking for a part of the money back. He'd gotten a small U-Haul to move everything of his with, then spent the rest of the day moving the big stuff from Kaoru's apartment to the house. In the end, Die had mostly let Kaoru decide where to put things, feeling more like he didn't want to argue with him and just get it over with than anything else. Their bedroom set arrived last and thankfully Die talked the guys who delivered it into setting it all up for them, tipping them an extra hundred on the sly to do it. By the time a week and a half had gone by, they were completely out of Kaoru's place and were living with stacks of boxes surrounding them in their new home. Die had long forgotten any day dreams of having a cat, or any fantasies he'd had about sexing Kaoru up in the middle of a paint-covered tarp. Things were a little strained on Die's part, but that was only what happened when people moved. It was such a huge event - moving in with someone he intended to spend forever with - that it put him quite on edge, and he was certain that Kaoru didn’t actually understand. Though, honestly, when he didn't speak about it, he wasn't sure how the hell Kaoru was supposed to even know how he felt.

Everything was done except the fact that there were boxes littering every single floor of the house. Things were near impossible to find and Die felt like his life had been ripped up by the roots. Whereas he'd moved before so simply, this was not at all simple. Things were everywhere and mixed in with all of Kaoru's. Even his toothbrush wasn't anywhere to be seen. Grumpy, he rooted through yet another box, grumbling under his breath about where the hell the damn thing went.

Kaoru had been mentally in ‘do it’ mode throughout the whole packing and moving process. It was work-heavy and not only a little stressful, but if he kept himself geared towards getting it done, it felt less grueling. He could tell Die had not found it quite so easy to shake off. Leaning over behind his lover digging around in another box, he kissed his head. "Whatcha lookin' for, baby?" He had spent a good hour earlier looking for his collection of little Buddha figurines and he'd probably seen whatever Die was searching for.

Die growled softly. "My fucking toothbrush. I just want to not have morning breath and I can't even find it!" He sounded well and truly angry.

Kaoru frowned, rubbing Die's shoulders. "Hang on; I think I remember where the bathroom stuff was." He went off into the living room and started rummaging through boxes, having to go down to a box at the bottom of a stack until he made a triumphant sound, returning with Die's toiletries bag, which he had made sure included his tooth brush. He brought it back to him and tried to give him a smile. "If I can find the coffee maker, I'll make you some coffee."

Die sat down on the floor, glowering at the boxes. He couldn't find anything except his clothing and his hormone pills, he really couldn't. It was annoying as all hell and the distinct lack of attention in the sexual department was starting to really rub him in all the wrong ways. He sighed, shaking his head and accepting the toiletries bag. "Don't worry about it... I'll make a breakfast run once I'm done brushing my teeth." He got up, heading towards the bathroom. "What do you want? I'm going to McDonalds." Not that he was getting his coffee from there... that shit was some of the most disgusting he’d ever had.

Kaoru leaned in the doorway of the bathroom, pouting slightly and reaching out to run a hand down Die's back. "I'm okay. I'll just cut up some fruit. When I do finally find said coffee maker," he chuckled a little, trying to coax a smile out of Die, "do you want me to put a little bit of hot chocolate mix in it like last time?"

Die peered up at him, toothpaste foam around his mouth. He gave a little nod and then went back to scrubbing the shit out of his teeth for the first time in two days. It was so gross not brushing twice a day. Once he was done, he washed his face and then applied more deodorant. He yanked open a drawer, tossing his bag into it and thus laying claim to it. They'd sort out the rest later, but for now, that was his drawer.

Kaoru had managed to find the coffee maker and had it plugged in on the counter, luckily locating the coffee and such rather easily as well. He started making a pot and then hopped up on the counter with his latest book. "Hey sugar, today, do you want to just crack down on unpacking? We can rearrange things, too; I just sort of got everything in here for now."

Die pretty much dragged his sorry ass out of the bathroom, his frustration written all over his face. He peered at Kaoru. "Mm... yeah, I guess so." He ran a hand through his hair, looking kind of lost for a minute before he pointed toward the door. "Gonna get breakfast." He grabbed his bag and then left, heading for McDonalds. He was going to stop at Starbucks, but with Kaoru brewing coffee, he didn't see the point anymore. He ate in the parking lot of McDonalds, drinking his little carton of milk, still glaring at the world while he ate.

Even after he was done with his McMuffin, he didn't feel any better. He was pissed and couldn't quite figure out why. There was no one thing that made him mad, just all of it, really. 

Sighing, he pulled out his phone and texted Kyo. _Quick... something hilarious or perverted. I'm super pissed and I have no idea why._ He really hoped Kyo was still up.

Kyo was at home, drinking with some of the musicians that toured with him as his back-up band. Upon receiving the text, he quickly shoved his drummer's face in his lap and informed the bassist to take a picture of him with an exaggerated, "Aaaw, yeah!" face. He then sent it to Die. _Had to think on my toes. I can do better. What's up?_

Die sat there, drumming his fingertips on his steering wheel for a long time before the picture mail came through. When he got it, he managed a weak laugh. He thumbed out a response quickly. _Spent all week moving. I'm kind of... I don't know... really annoyed. I wanted it to be this huge lovely thing. But instead, it was just a bunch of annoyance and pain._

Kyo frowned, excusing himself to go smoke a cigarette on the tiny balcony. He texted Die back, wishing they weren't a world apart. He wasn't really sure what best friends was supposed to mean, but he knew he and Die were as close to that for each other as either of them had had, and he was fairly certain it didn't mean there were always thirteen hours separating them. _I can imagine it's a pain. But... you and Kaoru have your own place now! Or is that exactly the problem?_

Die sighed at the response. _It's not the problem... there really isn't a problem. I just woke up in a really foul mood and I can't kick it because I can't figure out why I'm in the mood I'm in._

Kyo knew the feeling. Especially after shows, sometimes he would wake up still in a funk. _Maybe instead of figuring out why you're mad, realize why you shouldn't be? You've got a new place with a gorgeous man that loves you and would do just about anything for you, you're young and sexy, and... I dunno. You've got me on speed dial for dick-jokes and drunk camwhoring. That counts, right?_

Die offered a soft smile at that. _Yeah... dick jokes._ He laughed before punching in more. _Mmm... you know... the more I think about it, I think I just have a lot of pent up... issues._ He sighed. Talking to Kyo about this shit wasn't exactly what Kyo probably considered happy, but he needed to vent to someone and that someone wasn't going to be Kaoru in this case.

Kyo called instead, sipping his fruity rum and pineapple mixture and lighting another cigarette. "Spill. It's probably best you do it to me and not your boy. You two have had enough tension going on and it seemed like when you first got the house, you were doing good again."

"Hello to you, too," Die murmured, laughing softly and then shaking his head. "Mmm... I just... well... it's been a few days since we... you know... and I don't... well..." he sighed. "Fuck it. It's been a few days since we've had sex and I don't masturbate anymore. I feel like a mother fucking time bomb over here!"

Kyo actually pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment, staring at it like it had just translated everything Die had said into Norwegian. "That's it?" He laughed a little. "Honey. Hang up. Go find Kaoru. Throw him on the bed. Or the floor. Or wherever. Fuck him cross-eyed."

Die sighed. "No way, Jose." He shook his head even though Kyo couldn't see it. "He wants to get all the unpacking done today. We do not need that kind of distraction. Besides... I need to like... get to a point where I don't need it like my life depends on it. I wanted to be nice to him with the new bed and be all slow like he wants."

Kyo rolled his eyes, glad Die couldn't see. "Sweetie..." He sighed. "You always say it like that. 'Slow like he wants,' 'romantic for Kaoru'... Do you not enjoy it slow? Don't you ever just," he gave a dreamy sigh, "get lost in how his skin feels and looking into his eyes, and realizing how in love you are?" He chuckled a little, tossing back the last of his drink. "You know, really gag-worthy, sappy stuff."

"Kyo... I'm not sappy." He frowned a little and rubbed his hair. "I enjoy it every time. I just find it really hard to hold back. But he enjoyed it so much the other night. I want to do that for him again."

Chewing on his bottom lip a little, Kyo thought it over. "When I'm not this drunk, I'll talk to you more about that. I've actually been talking to some friends and doing some research on like... tantra and couples' spiritual practices, to pass along to you. I think there are some elements that would work for you guys; it's all about sharing... breath and energy and your bodies and it's really intimate and intense, so Kaoru would just melt, I'm sure, but it's also supposed to be some of the best sex, orgasm-wise, so, I figured you'd be sold on that." He shrugged a little. "Just a thought. I don't want your good intentions turning into you doing something that Kaoru thinks you enjoy and you really don't like doing, you know?"

Die listened to him, his fingers actually running over the steering wheel in a way that wasn't quite something he should be doing to a steering wheel. "Tantra, huh?" He pursed his lips and then nodded a little. "Actually sounds like fun. You think it would really work? Will it be slow enough for him?"

Kyo actually laughed at that. "Just trust me on this one, babe. I'm trying to make sure I have a Thursday-to-Monday block open when I'm in LA in a few weeks, so maybe then I can fly out and spend a long weekend with you guys?"

Die made a happy sound. "Yay! I have to warn you though... I _will_ be hugging you."

"You'd better, bitch." Kyo flicked the butt of his cigarette off the balcony, watching the cherry's glow float down nearly fifteen stories. "Just keep this in mind, Die, okay? Kaoru wants to whole romantic, slow sex because he wants you two to grow together, to be even closer, not just because it feels good or something. If it's something you don't feel right doing, or don't enjoy, then don't do it. Alright?"

Die gnawed on his lip for a moment before sighing softly. "But doesn't it disappoint him when I don't? I mean... I tried to explain that I feel how he wants to each time, but I don't think he quite gets it... like I don't get it why on earth you'd want to go that slow and torture yourself to death." He sighed. "I mean, last time... I actually pushed myself past the point of orgasm so I wouldn't actually orgasm. I felt _bad_ for wanting to cum again." He looked down, ashamed to admit that.

Kyo seemed satisfied with his decision. "I think tantra will help you a lot. See, the theory is that when you slow down and ‘torture yourself,’ once you've learned a little control, it's more intense that way; you get to savor each sensation and really get lost in your lover. But, you know, maybe that's just not your thing and sex is something you two will always have to find some sort of compromise on."

Die gnawed on his lip a bit and then nodded a little. "I really do want to make it so that both of us will be really, really happy about the outcome... you know?"

"I know." Kyo rubbed his arm, sighing, turning to give the musicians scattered all over his living room a gesture that meant he'd be in in a second. "Look, I've got to get back inside, drink until I pass out, responsible rockstar things. You are gonna go find Kaoru and throw him over the nearest flat surface and fuck him stupid. _Then_ unpack. Kay?"

Die sighed softly. "Yeah, okay... will do. Just... fuck... have a beer for me, yeah?" That was yet one more thing he hadn't had and wanted. Speaking of which... he didn't care if buying booze early in the morning was wrong or not. He was going to go buy a case of beer.

Kyo hummed a little laugh. "Sure thing, babe. Night. Er... morning." He flipped the phone shut and walked back in, being handed another, stronger drink.

"Night, Kyo," Die murmured before closing his phone. He sighed softly and shoved his phone into his pocket, starting the car, and driving off toward the liquor store. He bought a case of Heineken and then made the drive home, coming in carrying the case of beer, heading right to the fridge with it.

Kaoru had unpacked his and Die's DVD collection thus far, putting it away into the little glass-doored cabinets that the TV sat on, caddy-cornered between the window facing the porch and the little alcove where the old fireplace had been. He had decided after doing the DVDs that he really needed Die here, not wanting to just put his lover's things wherever or move things where he wanted them, needing some input. He was sitting cross-legged in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt on the kitchen counter, sipping coffee and reading a book when Die came in. He cocked a brow at the beer. "Probably a good idea. I have a feeling we're going to need those later."

Die grunted. "Yeah... damn right we will." He sighed, turning and grabbing a mug, getting himself some coffee and sipping at it, watching Kaoru with an odd look in his eyes.

Kaoru gazed back at him, tilting his head a little. "What?" He knew something was off, he just hoped Die's mood from before was gone, or at least calmed some. He hated feeling like Die was mad, because anytime Die was mad, he always felt like he was mad at _him_.

Die sighed, biting his lip a little. After a few more sips of coffee, he reached out and took Kaoru's hand. "I want to go through something... now."

Kaoru blinked, then nodded, putting his book down and slipping off the counter. "Okay."

Die took his coffee and Kaoru with him into the spare room, sitting down cross-legged on the floor. He sighed softly, reaching for the **Do Not Touch** box and ripping off the tape, opening it and pushing it over in front of them. 

Kaoru knelt down in front of him, curious. When the box was pulled out and opened, he nodded. "Oh." He pulled a lip of the box open, looking inside at the contents. "Um, alright. What about it did you want to discuss?"

Die stared at the items that spilled out on the floor, blushing darkly. Just with the first bit that fell out, there were three DVDs - one of them with pretty, young boys being fisted by other men – two vibrators, a butt plug, and four kinds of lube. He swallowed and then shrugged a little. "Um... what... what to keep... and what you'd want, and what I should throw out or sell."

Kaoru couldn't help but chuckle nervously. "Uh, sell... I hope you only mean the porn. That would be a little awkward." He tilted his head and gave a little nod. "Okay. How about... we talk about why they ended up in here in the first place, before we start divvying anything up." It still sort of bothered him how Die had made that decision, made him worry for his lover and how he turned his issues inward, pushing them into punishment.

Die wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, only the porn. The other part would be trash." He sniffed a little and then bowed his head, nodding slightly. "Kay..." This was more than awkward for him, making him feel a little lost around the edges, but it was his decision to do this, so he would live with it. "Mmm... well..." his hands knotted in his lap, "I put everything in the box because my sexuality got me into trouble... with Kyo." He was very quiet with the last two words. "I thought if I took everything away, I could kill part of my desires and then I couldn't ever fuck up again because I wouldn't be doing anything that could ever make you upset with me again." He gestured at the box. "Porn got me in trouble because I didn't think of it the way I should have. So it's all in here. I took away the rest of it from myself... like I said... hoping it would squash the desires." He took a shaky breath.

Kaoru sighed. "It's... it's a little hard for me to understand that, baby. I'm trying. I want to see if from how you processed it, but... I just can't. Not with the total way you took away..." He shook his head, re-collecting his thoughts. "To me it was like you'd put your manhood in a box and labeled it as something apart from you, that you weren't allowed to have anymore, that was bad. The sex thing, to an extent, I can understand, but at the same time, this is your first relationship, and I guess I'm responsible for... opening you up, for letting you discover yourself sexually. The whole thing with Kyo... it bothered me, it made me really upset, and I still can't help but get jealous sometimes, but I forgave you and I stick by that. Sure, maybe it's good for you to cut back and... keep an eye on not letting yourself get so carried away, sexually. That you don't let sex just be something that feels good, physically, to you. But, baby, sex is also really healthy, and jackin' off, it's healthy. Doing it all the time isn't, but maybe not doing at all is just as bad?"

Die listened to Kaoru until he was done talking, nodding a little. He bowed his head, absently playing with a corner of the box. "I feel like I'm going to explode... and then I know I can't be at all slow with you because I'm so pent up it's not even funny." He sighed, running a hand over his face. "But I don't know what else to do. I mean, I don't know what's allowed and what isn't... what will freak you out and what won't. Especially since it's not like I have someplace separate to go mess around with myself, I guess that makes it your business how I do it and what I'm doing it to... right?" He looked really unsure about that. "And I don't want you to feel like I don't want you and would rather have," again, he gestured at the box, "this stuff, because that's not true. I just... I don't know what to do!"

Kaoru gnawed on his lip while he listened. "As far as the varying levels of sex with us go, that's a separate issue. We'll talk about that later. Right now, as far as masturbation goes... maybe this sounds crazy, but I _want_ you to do it. I think it's good for you, especially because my sex drive isn't as high as yours. And I get that you get all riled up and it's hard not to want to just fuck me stupid the times it's meant to be more intimate, that's why I try to make sure you've already gotten off so you don't feel so... ready to go off." He shrugged a little, hugging one knee to his chest. "I mean... it takes me forty-five minutes to jog." He chuckled a little. "And there's always when I'm in the shower, or at the store or something." He smirked. "Maybe, too, it would be good for you to start doing it again and using it in a way to... figure out your limits and such. To get a little better control so that when we're together, you're not focused so hard on cumming and more on-" He shut his mouth. "Well, just so maybe it's a little more intimate."

Die had to fight hard to not freak out and start crying like a total idiot. But somehow, he made it through it all and even started talking once Kaoru was done. "Kyo says he's gonna teach us some stuff about tantric sex. He thinks it'll help." He bit his lip a little, hoping that Kaoru wasn't going to explode at him for having been talking to Kyo about such things. "Cause it'll help it be slower and stuff and also focus on the orgasm from it." 

Kaoru had to slap a hand over his mouth not to burst out laughing, waving a hand at the idea of Kyo coaching them in tantra. He tried to compose himself, not wanting Die to feel bad about the proposal.

Die blushed a little at Kaoru's reaction to the bit about tantra. He'd thought it was a good idea personally and he wouldn't tell Kyo otherwise, though... maybe he'd warn him he might have to be dragging Kaoru kicking and screaming into it. Which... come to think of it... would defeat the purpose... maybe. He sniffed a little and then ran a hand through his hair before tugging at it a little. The black roots were showing a few inches from the last time he'd dyed his hair red, showing he'd been slacking off in that department, too.

"So... I guess... we just... go through this... and um... maybe you'll learn some stuff you never wanted to know." Die blushed brightly at that.

Kaoru pushed on and opened the box, pulling out some of the lube and setting it aside. "Well, we can always use this, so, this stays. As far as the toys, why don't you pick out the ones you like best, and for now put the others away for a while longer? If you start to feel more comfortable with them, then we'll keep them. If not, then they get tossed." He shrugged, looking at Die to see what he thought of that idea.

With a sigh, Die reached to dump the entire box out. There was more lube and some massage oils that he tossed into the pile to keep. Then he fished out the DVDs and stacked them, pushing the pile to Kaoru. If he bothered to look through it, he'd find out some really odd shit about Die. Then he just stared at the toys, squirming a little bit where he sat, feeling odd doing this right next to Kaoru. But then again, he'd asked for him to be there.

He reached out and picked up his strap-on add-ons, putting them aside since Kaoru had already rescued the actual strap-on and one of the attachments. That done, he stared over the vast array of dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, and even a g-spot stimulator. His cheeks were about the color of his hair.

Kaoru looked through the DVDs, not really seeing why any of it should be tossed out. He had his own little secret shoe box of porn, it wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Besides which, what happened when they were horny and the internet was out, hmm? He went through the stack, setting everything aside in one pile - a 'keep' pile. The standard gay stuff made him waggle his eyebrows a little at Die, trying to get him in a good mood and let him know he didn't think it was shameful that Die had porn. He kept going through it, finding one with fisting, trying to hold back a grimace - he didn't mind fisting Die's pussy, those were supposed to stretched, but he got phantom pains watching anal fisting sometimes. But, if it got Die off, it was whatever to him. Another gay porn with Asian boys passed and Kaoru actually felt a little twinge of arousal, and then he came to the MtF transition porn.

A laugh burst out of him before he could stop it. He tried his best to cover fast, not wanting to make Die think he was laughing at him. He held the DVD up. "Baby... you know, if you want me to dress as Yuuko for you, I don't mind." He winked, letting his lover know he meant that, and put the DVD in with the others. "You're totally not allowed to meet my friend Crayne. She'd steal you from me." 

Die watched Kaoru go through all the porn, studying the look on his face with each. He blushed deeply when Kaoru held up some of the porn. Ducking his head, he murmured, "Can't help it... guess I miss my boobs sometimes... just the playing with them aspect." He rubbed his chest absently, not even realizing he was doing it, sniffing a bit.

Kaoru smirked and kept going, pointedly putting the watersports in with all the rest, not even batting an eye. He knew it was what Die had the most issues accepting he was turned on by, and he didn't want to cause any more problems. While he wasn't about to strap a diaper on the other or let him piss on his face or something, he wasn't really bothered by him watching it in porn. The straight porn was a surprise, but he said nothing, and then he picked up a BDSM one and held it up. "Ooooh..." He looked at the back, biting his lip sexily. "We're totally watching this together..."

Die nearly asked him, “Now?” but he caught himself at the very last moment, letting out a squeak and nothing more.

He went through all of them, straightening them back into two neat stacks together. "I'll have to get a bigger box. We can keep both of ours together." He winked, then looked at the two he had given Die, the ones he had done for drug money back in college. Picking them up, he handed them back to Die. "Um... would you... find somewhere to hide these? They're yours, I just... don't really want them around to remind me." He rubbed the back of his head, frowning. He still couldn't believe in his clean mind how his junkie-self had allowed five men to pass him around, to suck off two or three guys alternatively while they all took turns fucking him. He'd hurt for weeks after that, had even bled for a few days, all for cash to feed his addiction. It wasn't something he liked being reminded of.

Die blushed a little and gnawed his lip, reaching out to accept the DVDs of Kaoru. He put them behind him to do something with later. He finally reached down for a butt plug that had a little bullet in the back of it, putting it aside in the keep pile. But the moment he started to reach for the g-spot massager, he chickened out, pulling his hand back empty and sticking his face against his knees with a whine. He didn't want to look stupid in front of Kaoru and he kind of felt like he would.

Kaoru reached out and stroked a hand over Die's hair. "Honey... it's not like you don't know I have toys. Besides..." He gave a wicked grin, scooting a little closer. "Now that I know they're here, I could always use them on you..."

Die blushed a bit more, leaning in toward Kaoru. He peered over at him. "Then... why don't you choose some... you'd like to use on me?"

Kaoru cocked his brow. "Like I have any idea if and how these feel good for you," he chuckled, then grabbed the one Die had been going for, and another vibrator. He hummed and looked over the others, picking a rather large dildo and then a slimmer, bumpier one. He tapped a finger on his lip and then picked up the red silk rope, explaining simply, "We still haven't done any bondage, really," and an anal massager that was actually pretty high dollar. "...I might steal this one." He laughed a little, nudging Die's shoulder. "Anything I left out you just can't bear to part with?"

Die reached for a plain medium-length red vibrator. "It was my first," he murmured, blushing a little. "If you want anything else, you can have it. It's all the kind you can toss in the dishwasher to sanitize."

Kaoru hummed a little appreciative sound, rubbing his finger under Die's chin briefly the way someone might scratch a cat. "I have quite a collection already, but thanks." He got up and came back again quickly with a shoe box and a slightly larger box, taking out his little collection of porn, and a pair of padded cuffs, and putting it into the larger box along with Die's porn, then putting what was left in the shoe box. He took the bigger box with both their things and trotted off again. "I'll just... hide this under the bed for now until we figure out where we want to put it."

Die grinned at him. "Kay. Maybe we can put my flat screen in our bedroom?" he asked in a slightly hopeful voice. Masturbating in bed seemed like a glorious plan... luxury and porn.  
He gathered up his toys and the lube, carrying them with him into the bedroom and then pulling open his nightstand, dumping them in. After a moment of standing there, he looked perplexed. "Kaoru... shouldn't I just put them all in here? I mean... I have to hide the others somewhere for now, right?" It really didn't make sense hiding two stashes of stuff.

Kaoru bent over, sliding the box of porn up under the lip of the bed's platform, nestling nice between that and his nightstand. Standing, he chuckled. "That is going to be one hell of a drawer, baby."

Die shrugged a little. "Not gonna put anything else in it anyway." He went back and grabbed the rest, coming back in and dumping the contents of his arms into the drawer, then rooting out the strap-on, putting it on top.

After a few moments, he shifted over to Kaoru, gently slipping his arms around the other man's waist. He tucked his head down against Kaoru's shoulder. "Baby?"

Kaoru was looking at the blinds that hung in the room, hating them right then. They were trashy with the feel of the rest of the room, but they hadn't picked out any curtains yet to replace or cover them. He rubbed Die's arm around his waist, purring. "Yes?"

Die shifted a little and nipped slightly at Kaoru's shoulder. "I'm horny... really horny."

Kaoru turned in Die's arms, taking a step back and putting a hand on his hip. "Oh yeah? And what do you want _me_ to do about it?" For the shortest moment, he seemed serious, and then a devilish smile ghosted across his mouth. He stepped closer to Die, tugging him forward by the front of his shirt, purring into his ear. "I'm going to go take all my clothes off and sit on the bathroom counter. You can get yourself ready and come fuck my brains out if you want." He walked off, already stripping off his t-shirt and tossing it onto the floor. "I do take suggestions if you're not in the mood, but don't keep me waiting."

For a moment, Die kind of fish-mouthed before Kaoru was walking off. He shut his mouth and made a little whimpering sound, almost ripping off his clothing. He had a better idea and one that would satisfy both Kaoru wanting to be fucked and his desperate need to feel something in him as well. He snatched up his double-ended dildo that he hadn't been going to keep, mentally cursing himself for not thinking to keep it, and then some lube.

For a moment, he glanced at the door and then propped one foot up, sliding one end of the dildo into his pussy and fucking himself hard and fast with it for a good minute before he pulled it out, almost delirious with want, and stumbled off to the bathroom with it.

Kaoru was sat up on the bathroom counter, completely naked, his pale back and dark fall of hair reflected in the mirror behind him, his slender body with all its permanent decoration displayed for Die. He was stroking himself idly, half-hard. When Die stumbled to the bathroom door, Kaoru turned his best pair of come-hither eyes on him, propping one foot up against the cabinet and spreading his legs, leaning back with his shoulders against the mirror, waiting for any instructions, or for Die to just fuck the shit out of him. The double-ended dildo rather than the strap-on confused him a bit, but he'd just go along with it.

Die bit his lip a little, blushing rather darkly as he moved to Kaoru and leaned down, licking the head of his dick while he applied some of the lube to Kaoru's end of the dildo. Still licking idly at the head of Kaoru's dick, he pushed the dildo against his lover's hole, hoping Kaoru could take this without prep.

Kaoru sighed prettily and scooted to the very edge of the counter, gripping it and bracing one foot against the counter, hard. He watched Die lick his cock, gnawing away at his bottom lip, and relaxed to let the dildo slide into him when Die pushed it against his entrance. A long moan left his throat and his back arched, the fall of maple leaves on his ribs curving with it, the jack-o-lantern and demon mask on his shoulders raising their eyebrows as he pushed them up and back.

Die pushed the dildo in about six inches before he shifted around, glad that the counter was being nice to them both height-wise. Slowly, he pushed the other part into himself and then ground hard against him, leaning up to kiss him fiercely.

Kaoru mewled, leaning into Die's kiss, wanting to wrap his arms around him, but a little scared to let go of the counter and end up slipping off or something. Instead, he did his best, kissing Die back and shifting to encourage Die grinding between his legs.

It took Die a little bit before he actually stopped grinding against him and started thrusting instead, managing to use his inner muscles to clamp around the dildo and actually push it in and out of his lover a bit.

Kaoru threw his head back, smacking it against the mirror. "Ow! Shit!" He hissed, but was over it soon enough. He rested his shoulders back against the mirror and lifted his arms to loop around Die's neck, legs wrapped around his waist. The dildo was always so different from when Die fucked him with a strap-on, but it was a more interesting element, really. He could buck back against Die, squeezing around the plastic length and canting his hips to slide it into his lover just as Die was doing to him. His chest stuttered with breath, his body straining hard to keep the awkward position, but he was enjoying it too much to care.

Die whined happily, his cheeks flushed with arousal. He made a tight circle with his hips and bucked again, continuing on with it, over and over, his eyelids fluttering with excitement. He pushed even closer, his hand slipping down to jerk Kaoru off while he rubbed himself against his lover, intent on getting off.

Kaoru grabbed a fist full of Die's hair, yanking him into a biting kiss. He hiked his legs higher up Die's back, trying to spread them, but keep them wrapped around him, a stream of moans leaving him as his lover's hand moved over his cock.

A shiver slid through Die's body, a slight whimper coming right behind it. But his rhythm never faltered, not with the dildo and not with Kaoru's cock. His eyelids slid closed, eyelids fluttering slightly.

Kaoru let out a stream of compliments and encouragement in Japanese, both hands rubbing over his lover's chest. He turned his head and pressed his face to the cool surface of the mirror, his breath fogging it up in puffs. The entire situation of this was unbearably sexy, the stuff not even high-dollar porn but big-budget Hollywood love scenes were made of. It was steamy, but somehow intimate at the same time. Somewhere in his overdriven synapses, a spark flashed that this was what Die meant that it was always special for him. Despite the fact they were only fucking, there was the sense that this act would not be possible were it with anyone else, for either of them, that it could only happen between the two of them, and because they both trusted each other, knew each other so well. The thought floated half-formed in his mind, but was pushed aside quickly for later analysis when the slightest shift of the dildo was suddenly dead-on against his prostate. He nearly screamed, moaning and then panting out Die's name, scratching at his back, trying not to put too much pressure this time, just needing to claw at him, to feel like he had some sort of purchase, something to hold onto as he felt climax speeding towards him.

Die moved with Kaoru, feeling as if they weren't moving as two separate people anymore. But then, he rarely felt like they were during sex. He shuddered, pushing more against Kaoru, finally crying out harshly, his back arching hard as he came. The entire time, his hand kept pumping over Kaoru's dick.

Kaoru wasn't far behind; anymore, Die's orgasm was like a trigger for his own. He thrashed a little against the counter, not really sure what to do with his body, and then he was quiet and still, tensing as he came with just a quiet sigh, release holding several meanings for this particular climax. He relaxed back against the mirror and counter, feeling like he was made of jelly, and glad to be that way.

Die stroked Kaoru until he was done, moving back, pulling the dildo out of Kaoru and tossing it into the sink. Then he somehow managed to pick Kaoru up and carry him all the way into the bedroom where he collapsed on the bed with him, wrapping his body around Kaoru's. "I love you," he whispered.

A little mewl escaped Kaoru as the dildo was pulled free and he squeaked to be lifted, but let Die do it, looking up at his lover with adoring eyes. When he was tossed onto the bed with Die wrapped around him quickly after, his heart melted and he wound himself around Die in kind. "Love you, too, baby. More than anything."

Die burrowed as close to Kaoru as possible, nuzzling him. He shivered a little.

Kaoru grunted a little, shifting around. "We need to work at some point. ...Right now I don't want to move at all." 

"Mmm... work later... feel now," Die murmured softly, his hand moving down to gently rub over Kaoru's hip.

The tips of Kaoru's fingers played over Die's shoulder blade. "You know, tantra's supposed to be really spiritual. A lot of couples are doing like... sessions with gurus and coaches to try and use it to strengthen their relationship and connection to each other." He honestly thought a lot of that variety was probably a fairly sterile package, or even a straight-up hoax, but he thought that Kyo would probably be able to give them more guidelines to apply rather than some sort of ‘whole new way of life’ mumbo-jumbo.

Die kind of blinked at him and then shrugged a little. "I dunno... all I know about it is what Kyo told me, which wasn't much."

Kaoru shrugged slightly. "I just... I mean, you and I have never really discussed religion. I didn't know if that was something you'd feel uncomfortable with."

Die bit his lip a little, shifting slightly. This hadn't been a conversation he'd exactly been looking forward to having. To be honest, he was kind of scared of it. He didn't know what Kaoru would think of his own views and he didn't want any arguments for why he was the way he was. He'd had too many of those in his life already. All the same, he ran his hand through his hair and rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Well... I'm... I guess I'm what you'd call... open." He made a little face. "I don't like organized religion. It creeps me out. I mean, not that I have anything against others being a part of it. That is their choice and not my business. But I personally can't think of it as anything except... well... a placation for the masses."

Kaoru listened, sort of nodding his head back and forth. "I get that... I have my issues with the way religion is used. But me personally, I never had any reason to doubt what I was taught to believe, mostly because I was taught to believe everything with a grain of salt. I can't not be spiritual, though... I've always just needed it in my life. If I don't pray, or meditate, or _something_ I feel like I start to unravel." He shrugged. "I got more Buddhist when I left for school; it was less about the tradition and the ritual and more about the philosophy of living and what life is. I guess you could say I'm Shinto because I'm proud of being Japanese, and Buddhist because it feels right, and thankfully for me, the two aren't mutually exclusive, I sort of made it my own thing, what works for me."

He rolled onto his stomach and looked at Die. "The other reason I asked..." He bit his lip a little. "The mantle... and the alcove under it... well, that first. I really would like to use it as a tokonoma, and because it's our house, anything you might have that's traditional or from your family or something, we can hang or set there. And as far as the mantle goes..." He wasn't sure how to ask this, felt like it might be pushing a line Die wasn't comfortable letting be crossed. "Could I maybe... set up a kamidana?"

Die nodded a little at Kaoru's explanation of his religious beliefs. But when the question came, he furrowed his brow a little, looking confused more than anything. "Um... explain... more?" He hated to admit how much he didn't know about his own culture, but when it came to things like these, he really didn't know. His parents had tried to raise him Catholic for a few years simply 'because it would be good for him' and his ability to fit in. But honestly, he had resisted and they'd given up on giving him any religion, figuring it better than shoving one on him that the kids at school wouldn't understand. In the end, it meant he'd never been taught what they practiced and never understood the pieces of religious stuff that sat around his house.

Kaoru tried to think of how to explain it without using more terms anyone unfamiliar with Shinto wouldn't know. "Um... well, it's basically the mini-shrine in homes. It's almost always up on a high place, which is why I thought the mantle would be perfect. If not, I mean, I can always just have my little family shrine like I had in my room at the apartment." He shrugged. "It's our house, if you don't want a shrine to a religion you don't follow in the living room, I'd understand."

Die shrugged slightly. "I don't have an issue with it. I mean... it's not like you're pressing your beliefs on me or something." He made a funny face. "Is it one of those things I'm not allowed to touch?" He recalled there were some religions where you did not touch another person's stuff and he wanted to know before he did something stupid.

Kaoru seemed to brighten up at that. He imagined making it look more decorative that blatantly religious so they wouldn't freak the neighbors, since it would be visible through the window out onto the street, most likely, but when Die asked if it was something he couldn't touch, he wrinkled his nose. "Ah... it's not that you can't touch it, there's just the whole purification thing. If you were going to touch anything, just make sure your hands are washed."

"Oh... okay." He didn't really get it, but that was okay. He was sure he was full of things Kaoru didn't get, either. "Mmm… so in the tokonoma... you said something about traditional stuff or stuff from my family?" He looked over toward Kaoru, confusion lacing his gaze. "What exactly falls under that?"

Kaoru shrugged. "If you have anything traditional from Japan from your family, like, a hanging scroll or an ink painting, or maybe an idol or something. My family sort of has our own little tradition of using gifts in the tokonoma, like, the vase my sister gave my parents. That's in theirs now, with the photo I gave them behind it," he grinned, "and one of the bowls from you. Mom uses the other one to put her rings in."

Die blinked up at Kaoru. "S-she put my bowl there?" He looked honestly shocked. Reaching out, he curled his fingers around Kaoru's own. "Mmm... the only thing I have is this quilt my mother was making for me before she kicked me out... and a pair of cuff links that were my grandfather's." But those didn't really sound like things to put in there and he didn't know what else to do.

Kaoru thought about it for a moment, toying with Die's fingers absently. "Maybe we could make a shadowbox with them? Hang it there and maybe use some of my mom's ikebana? Tokonomas are usually pretty simple, one thing sitting, one thing hanging."

Die nodded a little. "I don't want to... ruin it?" He squeezed Kaoru's fingers. "But it's really all I have." He shrugged a little.

Kaoru propped himself up on his elbow, making hand-gestures as he talked. "It wouldn't harm them; it's kind of like displayable storage, actually. Like, we could take a piece of stiff cardboard and folding the quilt around as the back of the shadowbox, and have the cuff links on the bottom inside frame, maybe carve little grooves into the frame so that they'd stay in place and weren't just loose." He shrugged. "If you don't want to do it, I understand. I'm always kind of wary about some of the old stuff I have and what to do with it, but I made a shadowbox of my great-great-grandmother's kimono once, with a hair pin and an ink painting of her and put it all together, and it's actually keeping all of it in good condition. It's in my parents' room at their house."

Die shook his head a little. "That's not what I meant." He blushed a little, ducking his head. "I meant I don't want to ruin your... area." Again, he couldn't remember what Kaoru had called it.

"Baby." Kaoru shook his head. "This is our house. I _want_ something of yours there. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't. Not to mention, if I didn't, I'd be a shitty boyfriend and you wouldn't have moved in with me, anyway." He hiked both brows and leaned to kiss his lover's head. "I'm gonna clean up real quick, then we'll get to work, I guess. I don't really know where to start."

Die nodded again, feeling a bit like a bobble-head. "Okay... then we'll find a shadowbox." He smiled a little and then pushed himself up as well. "I think we should start with moving a little more of the furniture where we want it."

"Okay," Kaoru called from the bathroom, wiping his cum off himself and then recollecting his sweats and t-shirt. "I'm kinda stuck on the living room... I feel like there's only so many places things _can_ go." Thus far, he'd put the couch against the wall with the archways to the kitchen and dining area on either side of, the TV cocked caddy-corner between the front window wall and the wall with the old fireplace, with the coffee table just in the center of the room. It looked bare. He turned to Die, hand on his hips. "Suggestions?"

Die came in, cleaning up with some toilet paper. "Umm... well, our bookshelves can go between the doors to the bathroom and bedroom. We can use my old nightstand as a table to go next to the door. And then really, I'd like an armchair, but we don't have one, so... that can wait."

Kaoru nodded, looking around the living room. "I was thinking the armchair, too. That would make it feel a little homier, I think. Maybe by the front door, facing in, with a low table beside it?" He turned to the dining area. "I was thinking in here, for space, instead of having your coffee table in front of the couch, having it, like... against the wall, by the arm?" He walked into the room and tried to make hand gestures to show what he meant. "With maybe a potted tree in the corner between them or something?"

Die followed him around, feeling a little silly walking around butt naked doing this, but not really caring enough to go get clothing on right then. "Mmm... we're not gonna keep the second couch in the spare room?"

Kaoru shrugged. "We can, but I thought we could put a futon couch in there as a bed for guests, have this one out here like a little reading/relaxing room, and dine in the breakfast nook area. There's an outlet there where we could hang a chandelier, too. It's whatever, baby, what do you think would be best?"

Die nodded. "Oh, okay, I get it. As long as there's room for your table and chairs."

Kaoru nodded. "There should be. It doesn't take up too much space. I only had two chairs in my apartment, but the others are at my parent's place, I could have them bring them down when they come visit us." He walked over to Die and kissed him. "You go get dressed, I'll start moving bookshelves and loading them up so we can get some boxes out of the way."

Die smiled softly and then nodded. "Okay, sounds good. By the way, I have a few boxes of books I brought over, too. Three shelves of the bookshelf worth." He headed off to the bedroom, intent on getting his clothing back on so he wasn't walking around with his vagina all out and about.

Kaoru nodded, starting to move the smaller bookshelves from his apartment in between the doors to the bathroom and the guest room. Thankfully, he and Die's bookshelves were very similar, and the tall, light-wood one could easily go in the guest room. He left it where it was, standing in the middle of the open area, and found a box of books, starting to load up the shelves. On top where some framed photos; one of he and his family, another of he and Die at Sita's engagement party that a friend had taken and sent to him. He put both on top of a bookshelf for now, smiling. He wasn't worried about alphabetical order or anything just then, just getting the books on the shelves and breaking down boxes, making more room in the house which felt like a maze just then.

Die pulled his clothing back on and then came back out, heading past Kaoru and into the guest room, finding his box of books, leaning down and starting to push it over to Kaoru. "I was thinking we could get a rug for the living room. What do you think?"

Kaoru nodded. "I think so, too. I was going to bring my rug, but, the colors don't match, and when I rolled it up, I realized there were bloodstains on the underside of it from where Seung beat the shit out of me. So I tossed it." He gave a bitter laugh. "That's why I didn't get a deposit back. When he beat me and left me on the floor, I ended up having to pay to get my own fucking blood cleaned out of the carpet. Sweet, huh?"

Die hadn't even realized that was why Kaoru had tossed the rug and he stared at him for a minute, a shocked look on his face. After a moment, he dropped down next to him and gathered him up in his arms, holding him close.

Kaoru leaned into him, sighing. "I'm sorry... I'm okay. I guess I'm just not really over it. Over him, yeah, it's not like I'm still in love with him or something, but... I guess I just feel so stupid, still, that I loved someone that beat me, and ended up almost killing me." He pulled away a little, going back to shelving books. "I really thought I was going to die that night."

Die sat there next to Kaoru, biting his lip a little, studying Kaoru with a really worried look on his face. "Baby... I don't think it's something you ever 'get over.' I mean, it was a big event and it was a bad one... those always stick hard."

Kaoru scooted down to the next set of shelves, putting the last few from his box on and then starting on Die's. "I know..." He pursed his lips and lifted another stack out, sliding it onto the shelf. "Um, do you wanna start getting clothes out of boxes and stuff and putting them away? I don't really care which dresser is mine, we can always arrange things more later, I just want to try and get everything unpacked."

Die settled back, giving Kaoru an almost sad look before he stood up and headed to get a few of the boxes he knew held their clean clothing and the one of dirty clothing, which he took back to the washer and dryer, leaving it there until he found the detergent. Then he made his way back to the bedroom, and started deciding what would go where, finally deciding they'd go for one dresser a piece, on the same sides of the room as they slept on sides of the bed. Then he dumped out one of Kaoru's boxes on the floor and started folding and putting away underwear, socks, and t-shirts.

Kaoru finished with Die's box of books and went to get one he knew was in the bedroom that was also contained other little knick-knacks. He walked in and looked at Die folding his things, finding it unbelievably sweet for some reason. He leaned down and kissed his lover's ear.

Die looked up when Kaoru came in, smiling up at him in hopes that Kaoru was in a better mood. Once he'd left again, he went right back to folding clothing, finishing up with that box and moving to start hanging some things on Kaoru's side of the closet. He figured he'd do Kaoru's stuff and then his own, unless he ran into a box of his stuff.

Kaoru braced his hands against the heavy box and scooting it across the carpet and just out into the living room, opening it up and taking out all the books, then looking through his other things. There was a shadowbox he'd made that was glass all the way around except for the bottom, and in it he had arranged some blossoms of the roses Die had bought him in LA; he had let them dry as much as possible while they were there, then covered them in hairspray to preserve them and shipped them to himself before they had left.

A few other things included a fan from the fifties, still in its silk-covered box with a glass top, little Buddha and kami statues, a lotus Sachiko had made out of ceramic for him, and a small painting on a black of cedar a friend in college had done of Kaoru, from nose to neck, profile, with his chin in his hand. He wasn't really sure what to do with them, so for now, he placed them around the shelves, figuring he and Die could move them around later and mix them with his lover's things.

When Kaoru was done with the two bookshelves between the doors, he went into the guest room, moving his desk and a table one of his friends who had helped them move had given them into an L in one corner, putting a comfortable office chair with them. He'd eventually have to get a rug to go there so it wouldn't mess up the floor, but for now it would work. At the end of his desk, he set Die's art desk, so that it all ran together. There were two rows of drawers on either side of his desk, and a backboard with two cubbies and a little shelf at the top. He had ridiculous amounts of old art, he was glad for the table they'd been given; he could store some boxes of his old photographs under it and it would provide more space for them, somewhere that, with another chair, they could both sit and work on their laptops together if needed. He looked at his handiwork and then at the big bookshelf, going into the bedroom. "Hey, baby? Do you mind coming to help me real quick and okaying where I'm sticking stuff?"

Die popped his head out of the closet where he'd been hanging Kaoru's pants. "Yeah, sure." He hung up the pair he was holding and then headed out toward Kaoru. "What's up?"

Kaoru stood in the middle of the room, gesturing towards the little ‘office corner’ he'd just set up. "What do you think of this? I was going to move the big bookshelf here," he pointed to beside the window, where it would fit just right with its side against the wall just before the closet door, "and putting the futon there," he extended his arm towards the wall opposite his desk.

Die peered in and then nodded. "Yeah, that seems good to me." He licked his lips a little and then gestured. "There's no ceiling light in here, so we'll have to get a pole light. Maybe it could go in the corner back there." He pointed toward the desks. "Move that one out a little and put the lamp back there, so it's out of the way and right where we need light?"

Kaoru nodded. "Or a shorter lamp and just set it on the table, same concept." He shrugged. "That sounds good. We can always hang a lamp from the ceiling and run it down to power if need be. The bookshelf just covers an outlet, so we could run the cord behind it so it doesn't look so tacky." He moved out into the other room again, standing behind the bookshelf. "And speaking of which, would you help me get this in there?"

Die listened to him, nodding a bit. After a few moments, he came out to join Kaoru, taking hold of part of the bookshelf. "On three... one... two... three," and he lifted.

Thankfully it wasn't too heavy, just awkward to carry. Kaoru walked backwards into the room and guided it into the corner, scooting it back against the wall with Die's help. There were still two more boxes of books and magazines, which would fill out this one rather nicely. It was really luck that most of those books were art and photography related, and the magazines as well. It would go perfectly. "Thank you, pumpkin."

Die smiled once they got it in place, dusting his hands off on his jeans. "No problem." He leaned in and kissed Kaoru lightly on the cheek before heading back off toward the bedroom, intent on getting stuff put away.

Kaoru worked on putting things away in the guest room, stuffing shelves and placing other little things on them, like a large sand dollar painted with a sand-dunes and a white-sanded beach, a tiny African drum, and his degree from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He got his boxes of old art and his portfolio and stored them under the table, against the back wall so there was still space to sit at it with one’s legs underneath, and put old copies of Morbid Black Light in the cubbies of his desk, his camera bag sliding in under the shelf and his other camera in its little carry box in a bottom drawer. He didn't use it often, but on occasion, he preferred it. It took about an hour and a half, but by the time he was finished, it was starting to look nice and lived-in. He broke down boxes and set them by the door to carry to the recycle bin later, going to find Die. "I don't want to mess anything up with all your art stuff, so I'm leaving that in the room by your desk, okay?"

Die was done with putting away Kaoru's stuff and his own hanging clothing. By the time Kaoru came in, he was in the floor in front of his dresser, folding underwear. He looked kind of startled by Kaoru's presence and blushed a little, stammering out, "Ah, o-okay." On the floor around him lay his socks, PJs, and various pairs of underwear, including some silk and lace panties that he'd been meaning to get rid of, but had always ended up in the bottom of a drawer, forgotten instead.

Kaoru's eyebrow rose at the reaction from Die, looking down at noticing the sexy underwear, making a little, "Mm," sound. He leaned in the doorway, smirking at Die. "You know, sometimes I wish I'd gotten the full package with you, before any of the transformation. I mean... the thought of you before T, with your boobs, in lingerie..." He bit his lip. "Nn! I can't lie, that's sexy."

Die looked down, his cheeks a bit hot. "But you wouldn't have looked twice back then," he murmured. "You're gay, not straight, Kaoru." He gave him a shy little smile and then shook his head.

Kaoru's shoulders drew up to his ears and then dropped. "I know. But I still think that if I had met you when you were a woman, and I'd had the chance to get to know you... I'd have still fallen in love with you."

The redhead just offered another smile before he picked up the pile of panties. "Do you want some of these for Yuuko or should I just toss them?"

Kaoru giggled, reaching out to take the garments. "I can't say ‘no’ to sexy panties, gimme gimme!" He trotted off to put them on top of the box of his Yuuko wardrobe, which he needed to tackle next and put into the guest room closet. He returned to Die and sat down on the bed with a stretch. "Do you want to take a break once you're done with that last little bit? I'll pour us some iced tea and we can go sit on the front porch." So far, the front porch had collected their patio furniture and potted plants and Kaoru had set out a little wrought iron table with an ashtray that morning.

Die smiled. "I could go for a nice menthol if you have any freaking idea what I did with them." He stretched a bit and shifted to put away a nicely folded stack of underwear.

Kaoru thought about it for a second. "I'm pretty sure I put both our packs on the kitchen counter." He walked out of the room and into the kitchen, looking around the assorted crap on the counters (he'd have to tackle this area next) and finding both of their packs of cigarettes and lighters by their keys. He picked up both and headed towards the front door. "Found 'em!"

Two more stacks of things got folded and put away before Die was done with that box, standing up and stretching with a yawn before padding out to the front porch. He slipped out and moved to sit on one of the chairs, taking his pack of cigs and lighter, tapping one out and lighting it. He took in a long drag and moaned softly.

Kaoru was already on his bench, sipping a glass of iced tea, another set on the windowsill for Die. "Do you want to keep your Venus fly trap inside, or out here on the porch? I wasn't sure if they needed a little more delicate environment."

"It would probably enjoy being outside for about four hours a day actually. Especially if it's raining." Die smiled softly at the fact that Kaoru was thinking of his plant.

Kaoru nodded. "I'll have to remember that, since I'm usually home." He sighed and finished his cigarette, just sitting on the porch for a while, looking around the little yard, the brick wall that retained the soil where the lots had been cut out of the hill, the ivy spiraling around an oak tree just between theirs and their neighbor's yard, the large, blue, abandoned house on the other side of them. "I love it here, already."

"I love it, too," Die murmured, rubbing his palm over his thigh, taking another drag from his cigarette.

Kaoru looked around, watching a little girl on a pink bike ride by. "I wonder how everyone will react... or if they'll even notice. About us..." It was a little bit of a fear, moving into a place as a gay couple and wondering if there were going to be tensions stirred up with neighbors. Julie had given the impression it wouldn't be a problem, and he hoped she was right.

Die shrugged a little. "It doesn't matter what they think... or if they notice."

Kaoru nodded, leaning down and kissing Die's forehead. "I love you for thinking that way. You never shy away from showing that you're with me. I guess I'm just paranoid... I'm thinking worst case scenario, like vandalism, or violence." He frowned and gave a little shrug. "I'm gonna go start putting things away in the kitchen."

"If they do that, that's what the cops are for, sweetie." Die took another drag from his cigarette and nodded at Kaoru. "Have to put away the shoes and then I'll come help."

"I just hope it doesn't come to that in the first place," Kaoru murmured, going in and finding the boxes with the dishes and such first. He grabbed his iPod dock, which he'd brought over last week while they were painting, and put on Red Hot Chili Peppers while he stowed their mixed silverware away in a little separator in one drawer, chopsticks in front, other cooking supplies like spatulas, mixing spoons, mandolins, can-openers, etc. in another, and the plates and bowls on one side of one cabinet, glasses and mugs on the other.

Die finished up his cigarette and then picked up his glass and headed inside. Once he was inside, he finished up in the bedroom with clothing and shoes, going to peer in the kitchen. "Hey, baby... any idea which box has our jewelry and shit in it?"

Kaoru paused, holding onto a stack of Tupperware while he thought. "Um... hmm. I remember I put all of it in one of the boxes from the liquor store. If it isn't in the bedroom, it should probably be in the living room."

Die nodded and slipped out of the kitchen again, going to hunt down the box. He found it in one corner of the living room, moving it into the bedroom and starting to unpack it on their dressers.

Die's microwave got plugged in and pushed into a corner of the counter, Kaoru's caddy of knives going beside it, plus the containers of sugar and flour. The salt and pepper shakers went up on top of the stove, Die's spice rack going on the other side of the stove from the microwave, stacked on top of it. He put dry goods like rice, pasta, and cereal in one shelf, canned things on another. Ziplock bags and tin foil went in a drawer by the microwave, and junk food - like chips and a bag of chocolates - went in the very top corner shelf, stashed away. Everything that needed to be frozen or refrigerated was in the fridge already, taking one part of his job off, and he started then on pots and pans, putting some in the little drawer under the oven and others in the bottom cabinets on one side. Dish towels, soap, sponges, etc., the toaster and a food processor were set out, and then he was almost done. He looked around the kitchen, smiling. It didn't feel familiar yet, he knew things would get moved, but just to have them out made him feel good. 

He grabbed the little box with the magnets and photos from both of their refrigerators at their apartments, starting to tack them onto the new one. Souvenir things from New Orleans, Chicago, LA, Japan, Toronto, and Nashville, some sort of caverns Die had been to, a rainbow, and a square magnet with an obscure shot of a human eye that had come with Kyo's first single held up pictures of Kaoru and Sachiko with Audrey, a candid shot of Die cooking at Kaoru's apartment, looking shy, one of Kaoru holding out the camera pointed back at he and Die while Kaoru kissed his cheek, another of he and Die in a park downtown, his parents, one of just Audrey, and his most recent letter from his fifteen year old cousin in Tokyo. She always wrote on the most adorable stationary, and her handwriting was perfect and well-formed, even on the few English words she used. He mostly kept the letter up because of the doodle she had done in the corner of chibi figures that were meant to be he and Die hugging. 

He took Die's magnetic measuring spoons out and stuck it to the side of the fridge, putting up another magnet of his lover and his brother. Next, he put a memo-pad on the freezer door with a little clip to hold a pen, meant for leaving notes of making grocery lists. Last, he opened up the magnets he'd bought just for the new house; a collection of words to be arranged into short notes or poems. He stuck them all up on the side of the fridge where they had their own space, sharing it only with the measuring spoon, and quickly arranged some in the middle to read "you are my sun and moon, darling," before deciding the kitchen was as good as finished for now. He went off, satisfied, to find Die.

Die set out Kaoru's jewelry first, making sure to arrange it how he thought he remembered from Kaoru's apartment. Then he moved to his own, rearranging his little ring holders and boxes around on the top of the dresser. Opening a little package, he poured out his rings, putting them on the little metal cat's tail, smiling at the absurdity of it. It was what had made him buy the thing in the first place. There was a certain charm to stupidly cute little things like that and sometimes he couldn't ignore it.

Kaoru stopped and took a quick step back, too, chuckling and then going towards Die, wrapped his arms around his waist and picking him up, swinging him around for a second. "Mm, look at you, it looks great in here!" He set Die down and kissed his shoulder. "Looks like really all we have left to do is the living room and some random stuff and we'll actually be done. Things will find their place over time, but at least they won’t be in boxes anymore."

Die actually squealed when Kaoru picked him up, laughing right after and blushing madly for acting like such a freaking woman. "I know," he murmured softly, "I'm so happy." The smile on his lips made everything brighter.

Kaoru padded off and then opened up a box on the living room floor, pulling out a lamp and a framed photo of he and Die, one of the ones Sachiko had taken of them. It was perfect; the sunset in gold and fuchsia behind them and reflected off the water, the easiness of their kiss. He had to give his sister credit, the photo was great. He set it on the small table at one arm of the couch, then the lamp, plugging it in at the outlet just underneath, then looking at Die. "Good for now?" He didn't want to place anything in the living room with any finality without Die's approval.

Die nodded, for once not minding a picture of himself on display like that. Granted, it was a little embarrassing, but the love outweighed every bit of embarrassment by about a thousand. "Good."

Nodding, Kaoru rooted through the box more, finding all sorts of odds and ends. He put the remote to the TV out on the coffee table, along with coasters and a coffee table book on Warhol. He pulled out a box of dryer sheets, looking at it. "I think we gave up on putting like things together." He handed it Die. "Mind sticking that in the laundry room?"

Die laughed, taking it. "Yeah... if you find the detergent, let me know." He wandered off to put the dryer sheets in the laundry room on the little shelf. Coming back out, he looked around and then opened one of the remaining boxes. Bathroom shit. He pushed it over toward the bathroom, sorting out the other boxes real fast. More bathroom junk, and then a box of his own knickknacks. And finally, a box with all his booze in it. He carted that one right off to the kitchen setting up the wine rack and putting the wine on it, then putting the hard liquor in one of the shelves and then the beer in the fridge.  
Kaoru had found some more CDs and put them on the CD tower, going through the rest of the boxes and putting everything else that was decorative in one box to deal with later as they finalized putting things up. He broke down boxes and then remembered he still had his Yuuko stuff to put away and quickly got to it, glad most of the stuff had stayed on its hanger enough that it was easy to just toss it in the closet, along with his duffel bag, a few wigs in boxes, his shoes, and the makeup caboodle, which he then reconsidered and went to put in the bottom cabinets of the bathroom, where he then began taking out bathroom stuff. "Almost done," he told himself, humming along to _Californication_ , the iPod still playing in the kitchen.

Die finished up in the kitchen, moving to the bathroom and grinning while he watched Kaoru. "Mmm... hey... I think we're almost done, baby." He smiled.

Kaoru sighed, nodding, feeling very tired all of a sudden. They'd done a lot today. He put their shampoo on the ledge in the shower, digging a bottle of Excedrin and Die's second bottle of hormones out, putting them in the medicine cabinet. "There's a box of random shit in the living room if you want to go through and put things where you think they should go. Other than that, I think the unpacking is nearly at an end. Thank fucking god. Wanna go to Ruby Tuesday's after this?"

Die leaned against the wall and watched Kaoru. "Mmm... sure, that'd be cool." He smiled softly and then headed out to start looking through the box of knickknacks. He hummed softly, picking up the little things, deciding where to put them one at a time. He didn't have a lot of useless things, just some stuff he'd picked up randomly over the years. He had a blown glass rose, a few artsy figurines, and some paintings that he just put in the corner for the time being. He pulled out the three posters he owned, blushing faintly. Two of them were of Kyo and the other of another band. He headed back to the bathroom with that stuff. "Kao... what should I do with my posters?"

Kaoru looked up from where he was putting towels under the sink. "Um..." He blinked, pointing at the one of the other band. "You could fold some scotch tape, put it over your art desk or something?" He smirked a little, sitting back on his heels. "It's not weird, having posters of Kyo now?" Knowing the other and his lover were close friends made it a little awkward even for him to have backgrounds of Kyo up on his laptop like he'd sometimes done before their friendship had formed.

Die nodded at the scotch tape and then shook his head at the second bit. "Not weird. It's not like he's being provocative or something. And it's just kinda like having a professionally done photo of anyone else in your house." He shrugged a bit.

Kaoru couldn't help but roll his eyes, chuckling a little. He knew part of Die still got all excited and fan-like over Kyo, which he understood, so did he; as an artist, he still viewed Kyo as an elevated, incredible being. It was such a disconnect that the sweet, snappy young man that was Die's best friend was the same person. He had to wonder sometimes if there were really two souls in there, sharing the same body, though anytime one got to see Kyo talking about his art, the segue between the two very different personas was clear. "Okay," was all he offered before going back to putting up the last few things, putting he and Die's toothbrushes into a little cup on the edge of the sink.

Die watched Kaoru's reaction closely, trying to gauge if he could actually go and put the posters up or not. After a minute, he just wandered off, hoping he wasn't doing the wrong thing. He happened to be very attached to the poster he'd bid on from ebay a long time ago.

It was of Kyo from his first album and he'd signed it. Some fool had sold it and Die had been a fool as well, paying well over a hundred dollars for it. He carefully put both that poster and the one from the other band up over his desk, neatly rolling the other up and putting a rubber band around it before standing it next to his desk to figure out what to do with it later. He pulled out his phone to send Kyo a photo of the poster, knowing he’d likely get it the following morning and not now. He sent it with one small bit of text in the subject line. _I'm a pathetic fool... and I just got reminded of it. Ha._

That done, he tucked his phone away and went back to the living room, breaking down the last box and then collecting them all, heading out back with them.

Kaoru sighed, glad to be done, at least for today, and grabbed a pen and paper, walking around the house figuring out what needed to be done, still. The shadowbox needed to be made for Die's quilt and cuff links, and the tokonoma and kamidana put up. Curtains or new blinds needed to be selected, at least for the bedroom and living room, which had just plain, aged, white, plastic blinds. They needed an armchair for the living room, a chandelier for the dining area. He wrote down ‘antique market’ for those, figuring they could find other little things there, as well, then sat down on the leather couch, looking at his list. "Hey, baby," he remarked when Die came back in, "what do you think of this?" He read the list. "Is there anything else you can think of?"

Die came back in, immediately going to Kaoru and listening to the list. He nodded along with it and then looked around. "Nails for hanging the paintings we have and for the armchair, maybe a footstool that matches?"

Kaoru jotted down "stuff to hang pictures," explaining, "We've got to hang them from the rubbing boards up at the top. I have no fucking idea how to do that, but we'll figure it out." He could only imagine the first few attempts of getting things to hang evenly would be a bitch. "Alright... I think we can call it a day, yeah? I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick and then we can go get something to eat, I'm fucking _starving_!" He pushed up off the couch, stretching. "You wanna join me?"

Die reached over, smacking Kaoru's ass as he moved past him, chuckling. "Of course I want to join you, you fool. Why wouldn't I?" He yanked his shirt over his head and then emptied his pockets, carting the stuff to the bedroom to dump on the bed before he removed his pants and tossed those to the hamper with his shirt. Then he was off to the bathroom, maybe a little too happily.

By the time Die got back, Kaoru was already naked, clothes in the corner for now, letting the water heat up. He stood with the glass shower door propped open on his hips, his bare runner's ass nice on display to Die. He tossed his long hair over his shoulder and turned to look at his lover, smiling before stepping in and under the spray, really just wanting to rinse off the sweat from moving around all day.

Die grinned at him, scooting in behind him and leaning to smack his ass again, this time the sound a wet slap. It had a nice ring to it and he grabbed Kaoru around the waist, tugging him to where he wanted him and then yanking him back close to him. He leaned in, licking at Kaoru's neck. "Mmm... you know... sometimes... I come up with the most random fantasies."

Kaoru squeaked a little at the slap, gasping as he pulled around, pressed up against Die. He tilted his head and purred as Die's tongue swiped across his neck. "Nn, and what's that?"

"Like wanting to jerk you off from behind... in the shower," he whispered, his hand sliding around, off of Kaoru's hip and then down to his dick, grasping it and stroking slowly.

Kaoru made a surprised noise, head falling back against Die's shoulder, pressing himself against his lover's chest, hands coming up to try and reach Die behind him, to run his fingers through his hair. Something about the position was extremely sexy, making him feel like he was having his control taken, but at the same time, pampered by Die. He moaned, growing hard almost instantly, and turned his head to kiss Die's jaw, his neck straining in the position.

Die shivered, his other hand holding Kaoru's hip, keeping it in place while he ground himself against him, rubbing against his ass, his hand working quick. He moaned, his mind flitting with images of his own body writhing with pleasure, his own hand beating himself off while the water slicked over his body.

Kaoru's chest started to heave, his moans becoming constant. He tried to stay as still as possible, letting Die take over him, his hand wrapped in his lover's hair, the other reached around behind him to the small of Die's back. "Daisuke," he nearly whimpered, feeling himself teetering at the edge.

Die let out a soft growl, jerking him even faster, his hand only a blur over Kaoru's dick. The grinding of his hips became more and more insistent, bucking hard.

Kaoru couldn't hold on much longer. A rather high-pitched cry left him and he was cumming, a few spurts hitting the floor of the shower, the rest oozing down over Die's hand. He moaned and kissing at Die the best he could, wordlessly thanking him and telling him how good it had felt.

Die let out a cry right along with Kaoru, though he ended up humping against him a little desperately, trying to get the rest of the way off as fast as he could.

Kaoru leaned back into Die, smirking at his lover humping his ass. The hand at his lover's back pressed forward, pulling him closer. "Hnn, my dirty boy... cum for me, baby."

Just the words were enough and Die let the bliss of his orgasm flood through him, his hips bucking a few more times before he settled, slumped against Kaoru, twitching every few seconds, panting harshly against his neck.

Kaoru supported him, stroking along the arm still wrapped around him, purring. He was wary to tell Die this, not sure if he ever would, but the way he sensed his lover's presence, his energy, had become increasingly keen; perhaps it was only psychological, but whenever Die came, he felt as though he himself could feel it, the little tickling sensation somewhere deep in him going well with the afterglow sparking through his blood currently. "Feel better?" he asked jokingly with a smile.

Die shuddered one last time before he just rested against him, trying to breathe a little steadier. "Mmm... yeah." He chuckled softly, reaching his hand up to rub over Kaoru's abdomen. "I love you."

Tugging Die under the shower head, Kaoru licked his lips and turned in Die's arms, kissing him tenderly. He pulled away and grabbed the loofa, putting some shower gel on it and scrubbing them both down quickly before rinsing off, ringing out his hair, and stepping out, wrapping himself in a towel.

Die accepted the quick scrub-down, smiling the entire time. He washed his hair out with shampoo before he got out and snagged his towel as well. In the process, he almost fell over, slipping and catching himself on the counter. He squeaked and then laughed. "Uh... we need a bath mat, baby."

Kaoru wrinkled his nose. "I know... maybe we can swing by Target or something on the way home?" He tucked his long hair up into a bun and then went to change into just jeans and a t-shirt, carrying a pair of Vans to the back door and slipping them on. "I'm gonna go ahead and step out, smoke a cig while you get ready," he called, opening the door and leaning on the wooden railing of the small back porch, lighting a cigarette and doing a quick Facebook check, telling his sister to calm down and that he'd put up photos of the house when it wasn't full of boxes and half-finished.

Die nodded. "Definitely... need a few other things anyway." He headed into the bedroom, drying as he went. Once he was in there, he grabbed his tight red jeans, searching around to find his packer and a pair of small silver underwear. Then he found a black tank top and pulled it on. He stuffed his junk from the bed into his pocket and headed back into the bathroom and combing out his hair before he headed to the back door, shoving his flip-flops on and slipping out, locking the door.

Kaoru turned around, grinding his cigarette into, whistling at Die and grabbing his ass. "I fucking love those jeans on you..." He winked and then head down the stairs to the yard where their cars were parked. "Are we taking yours?"

Die grinned at him. "I love them, too." He nodded as he headed down the steps. "Yup."  
Kaoru went to the passenger door of the little red car, waiting for the door to be unlocked and then slipping in, pulling on his seatbelt. He usually wasn't the shallow type, but something about Die's car made him feel really sexy. He sat sort of turned towards his lover, rubbing his stomach as it growled. "So hungry!"

Die walked to his car and opened it, slipping inside and turning on the car. AC/DC blasted out over the radio and he quickly reached to turn it down. He pulled on his seatbelt and then pulled out. 

Kaoru leaned back, just watching his lover while he drove. "Once we've gotten things a little more put together, I have this idea for a photo... well, two. One, I'd love to get us on the porch and send it to our friends as a ‘this is our new place’ kind of thing, and the other... when the light over the sink is on at dusk, the lighting in the kitchen is so pretty. I had this idea of like... you and me, standing at the sink, kissing, shot straight on from in the... what are we gonna call that room, the parlor, maybe?"

Die drove along, nodding to Kaoru's talk about photos. "Yeah, that sounds nice." He smiled. "And parlor sounds good for what to call it, too."

"Mmkay." He reached over and rested his hand on Die's thigh. "When we get home, can we set up your TV in the bedroom and watch porn together?" He asked it so easily, like he was asking if they could make hot cocoa and watch the sunset.

Die laughed and then nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'm glad I kept that TV... and my old DVD player."

Kaoru chuckled a little, rubbing Die's knee. This was how it was supposed to be, he thought to himself. The two of them together, sharing a home, happy, in love... He leaned his head back against the seat with a dreamy sigh. "Hey pumpkin?"

Die glanced over at Kaoru and then back at the road. "Yeah?"

Kaoru leaned over, pressing a slow, soft kiss to the corner of Die's mouth. "I love you."

He grinned at that. "I love you, too, baby."

Kaoru sat back again, just grinning and humming a little to himself while they drove, hopping out of the car when they arrived at the restaurant and all but skipping up to the door, waiting for Die, then holding it for him.

Kaoru held one of Die's hands with both of his, waiting for a hostess to return to the front to seat them. "I was thinking probably getting the crab cake appetizers and doing the salad bar, that thing is righteous." He nuzzled Die's shoulder with his chin and then saw a hostess approach them, telling her it was just the two of them and she led them to a small, high table by the bar with a semi-circular booth so that they could scoot and sit next to each other if they wanted, or across from one another.

Die nodded. "I have no idea what to get." He figured he'd just flip through the menu and order something amazing. He followed along after the hostess, climbing into the booth and settling down.

Kaoru scooted up on the other side of the booth, putting the menu away. He didn't need it. The crab cakes sounded delicious, not to mention, he was starving and ready to tackle the salad bar. "Have you had the mini turkey burgers?" he suggested, looking up with a tall, slender brunette walked over to their table, introducing herself as their server and asking for their drink orders. Kaoru asked for a raspberry lemonade, going ahead and giving her his food order, as well.

Die blinked at the suggestion, not having had enough time to even look over the menu when the waitress came. So he just went with it, ordering the turkey burgers and regular iced tea.

When she walked away, Kaoru made an apologetic face. "Didn't mean to put you on the spot with ordering. You'll like them, though, they're really good." 

Die shrugged. "Just as good as anything else."

Kaoru excused himself and went to the salad bar, loading up a plate with spinach and mixed greens, diced boiled egg, garbanzo beans, edamame, sun flowers seeds, shredded carrot, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, broccoli florets, and feta cheese, topping it with house dressing and a few croutons, a dollop of cottage cheese at the edge of the plate. 

Die smiled a bit and then watched Kaoru go off to get his salad. In the meantime, he pulled out his phone and checked his email, finding a lot of spam and not much else. He started cleaning out his inbox, making a face when he realized that he could still remember the email and the password where he'd sent the erotic pictures of Kaoru and Kyo... and Kyo's video. He closed his phone and tossed it on the table, ordering a double shot of whiskey and downing it before Kaoru ever got back to the table. 

When Kaoru got back, his drink was there, and he set his plate down, looking at it appreciatively, picking up his fork. "Oh thank god, food!" He speared a bite and chewed before stabbing a cherry tomato, offering it towards Die. He reached over and plucked it off his fork, popping it into his mouth and chewing.

Kaoru ate quickly and silently at first until he no longer felt famished, then slowed down, picking out a piece of broccoli and putting it on the little bread platter by Die. "So have you and Kyo set up a weekend for him to come to the house, or is it still looking kind of iffy?"

Die shrugged a little. "He said he's gonna try. I'm kind of waiting on him to say when so I can set up a house warming party that he can come to."

Kaoru nodded. "Okay. Just let me know, so I can get in contact with my parents and Sita." The waitress dropped off the plate of crab cakes, letting Die know his food would be out shortly and Kaoru immediately cut a piece of one off with his fork, pointing at the plate with the end of it. "You want one?"

Die nodded a little. "Yeah, I will. I wouldn't dream of making it a one-person house warming," he laughed and then settled. Crossing one slim leg over the other, he stared at the plate as it was put down. He was hungry, but he wasn't fond of crab, so he just shook his head a little. "I'm good, thanks." He smiled a little.

Kaoru shrugged a little at the refusal of the crab cakes, getting up to go make another salad. While he was gone, their waitress returned with Die's plate of food, three mini burgers and a pile of fries with a cup of ketchup on the side. "Do you need anything else?" she asked in a perky voice, looking eager to please.

Die shook his head at her, thanking her and then digging into his burgers rather aggressively, hungry from all the moving they'd been doing.

Kaoru plopped down with his second salad, this one denser with vegetables than greens, stirring them around in cottage cheese. He looked over at Die's plate. "Good?" he asked before taking a sip of tea.

Die nodded. "Yeah, it is." He took another bite and then picked up a fry, dipping it in the ketchup before eating it as well.

Kaoru gave a single nod. "Good." He ate another crab cake and then stole a fry off Die's plate, winking at him as he ate it. Finishing his salad, he moved the plate out of the way and pulled the crab cakes over, finishing those as well before settling back, sucking his tea glass dry. "Ugh. Kaoru, the human garbage disposal... That was sooooo goooooood." He groaned and rubbed his stomach.

Die watched Kaoru eat, slowly going through his plate of food and then pushing the plate away once he was done. He laughed at Kaoru's comment. "As long as you tasted it, we're good, baby."

"Ooooh, I definitely tasted it, it was delicious." He scooted around the booth and snuggled against Die's side. When the waitress came and dropped off the bill, he picked it up, asking Die for his debit card so he could pay.

Die pulled out his wallet, fishing out Kaoru's card and handing it over to him. He leaned into Kaoru a little, reaching and picking up his phone, tucking it back in his pocket.

Kaoru put the card in the little folder and it was picked up, carried off to get rung up. Kaoru looped his arms around one of Die's, hugging onto it. "So... what do you think is the likelihood of you getting a week off in late August?" The check was returned and he signed it, writing in a decent tip before returning his card to Die.

Die blinked a little. "Um... I dunno. I mean... I took most of my time off for my surgeries, sweetie." He frowned a little. "I think I have like... a day saved up right now."

Kaoru wrinkled his nose. He'd figured as much. "I'm planning my Japan trip... I didn't think you'd be able to go this year, but, I figured I'd try anyway." He sighed and sipped the last tiny bit of his tea, nudging Die. "Ready to head home?"

Die made a little pouty face. That meant the slim chance he'd get to see Kyo on such a trip had just slipped through his fingers. He nodded a little and slid out of the booth, handing his keys over to Kaoru once they were out in the night air. "What're the dates?" he asked, wondering if he could play the pity card with his boss.

Kaoru looked at the keys, but shrugged, figuring Die didn't want to drive back. "It's not super final yet, but the twenty-first to the twenty-ninth of August is what it's looking like right now. I'm trying to set up some interviews and maybe coax some unannounced tour dates out of some people so I can cover some shows, too." He frowned. "I really hoped you could go with me..."

"I'll try to beg my boss... maybe he'll take pity on me since I've only been off for surgeries. Never know unless I try."

Kaoru unlocked Die's car and got in, starting the engine and then reaching over once Die was in the car and squeezing his knee. "I'll cross my fingers. I want to see the look on your face the first time you see Tokyo."

Die smiled at him, flopping into the seat and stretching before he put his seatbelt on. "Mmm... I really wanna go."

Kaoru carefully shifted into reverse and backed out of the space. He wasn't so great with stick, but driving Die's car more helped. "Well, if not this year, then next. I want to take you to Japan." He finally got going on the main road, having to sit sort of forward and stretch his legs out, having forgotten to adjust the seat forward and Die's long legs made it a bit of a reach for him towards the pedals. "So... I've been meaning to ask you... now that we have our own place, do you want to have a loose rule about no English?"

The question kind of came out of nowhere at Die and he didn't have any idea how on earth to respond to it. He could only assume Kaoru meant they weren't allowed to speak English in the house. But he'd grown up with English spoken the vast majority of the time and it seemed silly to try to reverse that now... if not a tad bit insulting. He knew he was kind of a 'shame' to Kaoru in a few ways, but he hadn't expected to have it tossed at him like that, especially out of nowhere.

He fished out his cigarettes, lighting up as a way to stall for time, trying to figure out what to answer with. But, in the end, he could only come up with, "You mean like speaking English in the house isn't allowed?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Not like ‘not allowed,’ but, like Dad suggested, to help you get more fluent with Japanese, maybe it would help if we made a point to speak as little English as possible to each other at home."

Die shifted a little in his seat, taking another long drag from his cigarette. He shrugged a bit. "I dunno... I mean, I know I'm not exactly fluent, but I've gotten a lot better ever since we started dating."

Kaoru looked over at him and sort of frowned. "You have, baby! I'm not... I'm not trying to hint at anything, suggesting this. I just, I kind of liked the idea and I didn't know if you wanted to try and get really fluent with it." He turned his eyes back to the road, pursing his lips. "Never mind, forget it."

Die immediately felt bad for not being overly happy about doing it. He sat there, smoking through the rest of the cigarette, some sappy ballad on his iPod making him feel something close to sadness before he finally murmured, "I guess if I think I'm going to Tokyo, I should be fluent or I'll make a fool of myself by being a damn gaijin."

Kaoru winced, hoping Die didn't think he thought of him in such terms. He knew his lover was an American, it was simply how he was raised, and he didn't want to force Japanese-ness on him, but was always there if Die wanted to learn more about or integrate some of their culture in. Right now he felt like a jackass, though, like he was telling his lover he wasn't nearly Japanese enough for him. All he could do was sort of nod a little to the comment and keep driving.

Die sighed, running a hand over his face before he flicked the butt out the window and rolled it back up. His thoughts were total turmoil and he honestly didn't know what to truly think. Maybe he was too 'white boy' for his own good, but he really couldn't help it. After a moment, he just wanted the thoughts ripped from his head and he murmured, "I'll give it a try... now what porn did you want to watch?"

Kaoru pulled up behind the house, next to his car, and cut the engine, reaching across the car and grabbing Die's hand. "I really didn't mean anything by it, baby..."

Die looked over at him, nodding a little and then squeezing his hand. "I just... I got defensive is all," he murmured quietly.

Kaoru sighed and got out, going around and opening Die's door. "Did you get defensive because... I dunno, do you feel like you're, what's that word, Wapanese?" He couldn't help but smirk. The paradoxical implications were just a little funny. "Maybe it would be good for you, then, speaking Japanese at home, feeling a little more comfortable in your own skin." His smirk grew slightly, trying to make Die laugh. "I mean, it _is_ a yellow house."

Die let go of Kaoru's hand, getting out of the car once Kaoru opened his door, listening to him. He nodded a little at first. It took until he said it was a yellow house for him to even crack a smile. He laughed a little and shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I always feel like I'm not... Asian enough for you."

Kaoru frowned, pulling Die up the stairs, unlocking the door and heading into the house, putting Die's keys on the counter and slipping off his shoes by the door. He'd have to remember to find a little cubby for the porch or something to put shoes in. "Baby..." he turned and wrapped his arms around Die. "You know you're the only white boy for me," he teased as gently as possible, kissing his cheek. "I love you just the way you are. I don't suggest doing Japanese things to try and make you more Japanese, you're American, but it's part of who you are, part of both of us, and... I dunno, I guess I try to give you the option of having the culture your parents didn't share with you. I don't do it to try and one-up you because I was actually raised in Japan." He pulled away and frowned. "Also... even though I guess it would be backwards for you... I still hate speaking English. I know I'm fluent, but I feel like I'm not, and I hate my accent. I'm just more... comfortable speaking Japanese. I guess what I'm really asking is if it would bother you if I stuck more to it than English when we're at home, because I don't want you to feel like I'm showing you up, I just... I don't know. It feels like I'm sharing something important to me with you when we speak Japanese instead." He blushed a little. "Is that silly?"

Die swallowed a little, thinking on what Kaoru said and then nodding a bit. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized they'd forgotten to pick up the bathmat, but he realized he didn't really give a shit right then. Sighing softly, he shoved his shoes off and headed toward the bedroom, Kaoru in tow. "I don't mind it... just realize that it's more natural to me to speak English, so if I forget... I'm sorry."

Kaoru laughed, following. "I won’t be hardcore about it like my parents are, I promise." He nuzzled his face against Die's back and then went to grab the box of porn, putting it on the bed, surprising himself when he started to blush. "What are we going to watch?"

Die nodded. "Okay." He shuffled into the bedroom, flopping on the bed and then peering at the box of porn. "Mmm... you thought it up, you decide."

Kaoru looked through the box, picking out a straight porn with mostly Asians, a gay one, and the BDSM one. He fanned the out and held them up. "You pick from these, then we'll set your TV and stuff up."

Die recalled how Kaoru had said he wanted to watch the BDSM video earlier and so he picked that one out, even though he was really a bit embarrassed by the content of it. He pushed the other two back toward Kaoru and then got up, going to the low TV stand that he'd brought with him and starting to connect plugs between the TV and the DVD player. 

Kaoru set the DVD on a dresser and out the rest away, making sure the blinds were shut and then stripping down to his tight dark violet boxer-briefs, putting his clothes in the hamper and then settling on the bed.

Die finished up with hooking things up and then moved to put the DVD in and turn it on. The previews started rolling immediately and he took the time to strip out of his clothing. He left the stupid little underwear on, removing his packer and putting it neatly in his underwear drawer. Once he was done, he moved to curl up on the bed, holding the remote out to Kaoru.

Kaoru smirked, taking the remote and then snapping the waist band of Die's silver underwear. "Ooh, hey gorgeous, where have you been all my life?" He kissed Die's shoulder and hit play, snuggling into Die's side.

Die laughed. "These have been in the dresser... the bottom of it. I only have to wear the small ones with the really, really tight pants, you know."

"They're sexy, they should come around more often." He rested his cheek against Die's chest, watching the opening scene of a girl in a slutty French maid outfit serving a burly man a martini. Kaoru lifted a brow. "It's your fault I like tits now. Hers are nice." And they were; not too large, with dusky nipples and just enough perk to be able to tell they were natural.

Die laughed and shook his head. "You know... if it hadn't been for the fact that I needed to get rid of them to feel more like a man, I'd have kept them until I got everything else done." He curled up a little closer to Kaoru, watching through the scene as the girl was commanded to her knees, still holding the tray of martinis, and was told to suck the man's dick. She did as she was told, without question.

Kaoru would have elaborated that it was best that way, with Die comfortable in his body, not to mention how painful binding was, but he was focused on the maid sucking off her master. His cock was starting to react to the visual aid. He came on her face and she posed with it, her submissiveness and completeness in her role of being the slut making him hum, "Mmm," subconsciously as the scene ended.

Die watched the scene, already a little bit aroused, though not massively so. It wasn't his favorite off the disk by far. The next scene was of a young man, handcuffed to a bed and Die anticipated it even before it came on screen.

Kaoru saw the handcuffs and remembered Kyo and Die strapping him to the chair in LA, shuddering. He had to shift, moving his cock in the underwear to be more comfortable and watched, wondering where this was going.

Die bit his lip, looking over at Kaoru while he readjusted himself, wondering what exactly he was thinking about. His eyes were dark, a certain lust in them already. He smiled a little and then looked back at the TV.

Two women and another man came into the scene, all of them wearing PVC and pleather, one of the women carrying a riding crop, which she started swiping over the tied up man's leg, just teasing, nothing more... yet.

Kaoru shifted closer, purring, jumping slightly at a harder smack of the riding crop. "We need one of those," he commented almost as an aside, excited there were so many people joining into the scene, looking at the man on the bed. "He is sexy..." He bit his lip, rubbing his palm over Die's flat chest.

Die shifted a little into his lover's touch, nodding a bit. And then, softly, a little embarrassed, "I used to have one..." before he'd realized no one ever stuck around long enough for him to even get sexually involved, much less get past the stage of non-kinky shit to get to the good stuff. He'd had a lot of things, but he'd sold them all since they'd never even been used before.

The other boy got shoved down onto the bed by the second woman, told to suck the first one's dick. They both protested and whined about how they weren’t gay, but the moment his lips were around the other man's dick, it was obvious he was lying, the way he went to town on him.

"Well, we'll have to go restock," Kaoru hummed, toying absently with Die's nipple as he watched the bickering. As soon as the boy started sucking the other one's cock, he burst out laughing. "Not gay... I love it when they say that and then prove they have no gag reflex."

Die chuckled softly. "Yeah... seriously." He sniffed a bit, his hand creeping down his stomach toward his underwear. But after a moment, he realized what he was about to do and moved his hand, putting it on the bed where it belonged. He hadn't done that in months and he wasn't about to start again... particularly not right in front of Kaoru.

Kaoru watched his lover's hand descend, eyes darkening with lust. He pouted a little when Die moved it to the bed, turning to watch the blowjob again. Perhaps he'd be able to knock Die out of his no-jacking-off phase tonight. With a little grin, he realized this would be the third sexual encounter of the day for him, and while usually his sex drive had a hard time keeping up with Die, today he was keeping pace quite well.

Die shifted around a little, watching as one of the girls put on a strap-on and started to fuck the boy giving the blowjob from behind. Eventually, it turned into the handcuffed boy getting fucked by the other boy, who was still being pegged, and the last girl swatting them all with the riding crop.

By that point, Die felt like he was probably dampening the bed under himself with his lust, the crotch of the underwear slick with his arousal. That was certainly one thing he wasn't going to miss, that was for sure.

Kaoru chewed his lip, squirming against Die. He muttered little things like, "Holy fuck," and, "Oh shit". When the boy being pegged started fucking the other one while they were all getting thwacked with the riding crop, he couldn't help himself any longer. His hand slipped down to his crotch, rubbing at his cock through his underwear, shifting his hips up towards his hand slightly.

The moment that Die felt Kaoru start moving, he glanced over, finding him touching himself. A soft thrill of pleasure went through him and he settled on watching Kaoru rather than the video, enjoying the show very much.

Die's smell and the feel of his body next to him were like aphrodisiacs for Kaoru. He lay back against his lover's chest, sighing out a soft moan, watching the screen and gripping his cock through the boxer-briefs, tugging at it. He couldn't help but play Die on, keeping himself covered as he all but jerked off through his underwear.

Die licked his lips, watching carefully, his head tilted and his hips shifting every few moment. He was horny... incredibly horny. He sighed softly, looking away and concentrating on a place on the wall beside the TV, trying to calm down a little.

Kaoru saw Die struggling to keep himself together, a satisfied smirk on his lips. He stopped rubbing at himself as the woman on top, pegging the boy in the middle came first, rather loudly, then the boy in the middle, and finally, while being hit over and over with the riding crop, the one underneath came. There was plenty more video left, he'd wait. Besides, he'd found that the more he worked himself up, the better the orgasm was. With a good deal of self-control, he moved his hand away from his cock and started rubbing Die's leg, instead, just above the knee.

Die let out a whimper the moment Kaoru touched him, biting his lip rather harshly just after. But he let out a soft breath and then sniffed slightly. "Having fun?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru turned his head and licked Die's nipple for just a moment. "Mmhmm," was all he replied before waiting for the next scene to start, achingly hard, wondering just what might happen between them. Honestly, both of them lying together jerking off sounded pretty hot in a weird way.

Die twitched a little bit when Kaoru licked his nipple, looking over at his lover before he blushed, flicking his eyes back up to the screen. This one involved just two men, one of them bound to a large wooden structure with leather straps. The other held a flogger in his hand. Die shivered and had to bite down hard on his cheeks to keep from moaning.

Watching the flogger hit the submissive one's back made Kaoru dig his nails into Die's leg a little, his teeth sinking into his lower lip. He tasted blood and let out a little moan, waiting for more. His resolve was crumbling fast, he wanted to take his cock in his hand and work it furiously, but he was also determined to try and get Die to touch himself. Determined, he scratched Die's thigh a little more, then went back to petting, letting out a slow breath to calm himself down.

The fourth time the flogger came down, Die let out a soft aroused sound, immediately slapping a hand over his mouth and staring at the bed rather than the TV or Kaoru. His mind had one track and right then it was sex, sex, sex, sex. He shuddered a little, his hand moving to his own thigh, resting there, though his fingers itched to do what they always did when he watched this. Arousal tingled through him like little electric shocks through his thighs and groin.

Kaoru skin burned to the touch, his body on fire with want. The sounds from Die were cracking his will power. His other hand snaked up his hip and he cupped his balls, just barely playing with them, tugging a little. Images of jacking off and then fucking Die with his lover's head hanging off the bed so they could both watch flitted through his mind, and he was beginning to think that was the best course of action.

When the flogger switched to one with little metal spikes on the ends, the hits became more audible and the cries of the bound boy became more and more aroused and pained. Die's head swam, his pulse pounding and finally, his resolve crumbled. He needed to do one of two things: get the hell out of this room or touch himself. Since running away wouldn't solve a damn thing and probably create more, his hand slipped up and over his underwear, rubbing over his lady-dick and then down over his cunt, his hips pushing up into his own touch.

Kaoru eyes bulged as he watched Die's hand slide over the fabric. He had a bit of a fetish for watching Die finger himself, though he'd only see it once, and he desperately wanted to see it again. Almost in encouragement, he dipping his own hand into his underwear and wrapped his fingers around his cock, thumb spreading the precum at the tip around his head.

It wasn't but a few moments before he couldn't stand it, actually putting his hand into his underwear and pushing his middle finger deep into his cunt. It was warm and slick and he hadn't realized how much he missed his own touch until then. A soft cry left his lips as he shifted, spreading his legs wider and pushing his finger deeper into himself, rocking his palm against his swollen arousal.

The hand sliding into his underwear and what was obviously, but invisible to him, Die's finger sliding into himself made Kaoru give a short cry, pressing back against Die's shoulder and watching him. "That is so fucking sexy, baby," he nearly hissed around his now quick-coming breath. Impatient, he shoved his underwear down under his balls, letting Die get an eyeful of him stroking his cock, his pale hand wrapped around the dusky flesh. He leaned his head back and kissed Die's neck. " _You_ are so fucking sexy..."

Die let out a low moan at Kaoru's words, turning to try to catch his lips with his own. But Kaoru was kissing at his neck instead and he just let him, crooking his finger and stroking over his g-spot, making himself shudder and buck slightly.

Kaoru whimpered, reaching to try and pull Die's tight underwear aside and not really succeeding. "Let me see, let me watch you..." He was stroking himself slow, wanting to take his time, almost torturing himself.

Die whimpered a little, knowing if he stopped it would be difficult to convince himself it was okay to start again. But he also knew he couldn't just go denying Kaoru the want to get his underwear off. Shifting, he pulled his hand out of his underwear and took the sides, arching up to pull them down and then completely off. He tossed them aside, biting his lip a little.

Kaoru made a little sound to see Die bare, the ring through the base of his cock gleaming a little in the low light. "Keep going," he asked in a husky voice. "Please?"

Die squirmed a little, his eyes on Kaoru's dick and his hand moving over it. It was a sexy sight for certain. Swallowing, he moved his hand back down to fondle himself, at first just running his fingertips over himself and then slipping down a little further to push his fingers deep inside himself with a soft cry.

Kaoru started to jerk himself faster, his other hand dancing up and down Die's leg, watching his lover push his fingers into that tight, slick passage he was so fascinated by, even after all their times together. He let out a moan and watched in wonder, arousal over-riding any sort of useful things in his brain. He could hardly remember to breathe. He wondered how much Die would give himself, how rough he was, how deep he would try to reach, hoping maybe he could glean some knowledge on pleasing the other by watching this.

Die closed his eyes, just allowing himself to get lost in his own feelings. His fingers crooked, finding his g-spot again and rubbing over it before starting to thrust his fingers in against that spot, his body arching. The side of his thumb rubbed over his lady dick, smearing the fluid from his cunt up over it. Soft cries left his mouth, most of his body trying to keep moving, rubbing against the bed while he touched himself, like he couldn't get enough stimulation.

The sight made Kaoru's blood boil with lust. He panted, his eyes glued on Die finger-fucking himself, his own hand moving furiously over his cock, now. He pressed up against his lover's side more, letting out a long mewl.

Die whimpered, his hand coming up to shove into his own hair and pull. A few more good pushes of his fingers and he was cumming, crying out loudly as he squirted almost all the way to the foot of the bed, his whole body arching.

Kaoru's hand moved in a blur, and then stopped. The fluid spraying from Die down past his lover's feet was ridiculous, and awe-inspiring. The only reaction he had was to laugh, stunned. He rubbed Die's thigh, rolling against him some. "Holy fuck, that is fucking amazing." He laid there for a minute, taking in what he'd just seen, and then started to jerk off again, his free hand moving down to his ass, just rubbing over the sensitive bud. He laid his head back against Die's shoulder and looked up at his lover as he pleasured himself, knowing his own release would probably be rather impressive.  
It tightened in his belly, the desire growing hot, his arm starting to almost feel numb from moving it so quickly at such a restricted range. He pushed the tip of his finger into himself just as the tension snapped and he shouted, his cock shooting hot ribbons of white over his stomach, his chest, a line of it hitting his neck and a few little drops splashing onto Die, as well. He kept up his pace as best he could until he had milked himself completely, collapsing like a doll against the bed, his breathing loud.

Die blushed softly, collapsing back while he watched Kaoru get more and more frantic while he was jerking off. It was really a gorgeous sight and when he came, Die moaned happily. The cum that landed on him was promptly scooped up and deposited in his own mouth, sucked from his fingertips with a rather satisfied smirk.

Kaoru stretched back, looking up at Die, his skin sheened in sweat. "Kiss me?" he asked almost desperately, hand still wrapped around his dick.

Die made a soft sound and then leaned down, catching Kaoru's lips with his own. His kiss was gentle and loving.

Kaoru purred against his lips, finally letting go of his length and wriggling a little closer to his lover. He pulled away gently, smiling. "How many times are we gonna fuck today?" he joked, reaching to his bedside table and grabbing a tissue to mop himself up.

Die smirked at him and then laughed. "No idea, baby..." he purred out.

Cleaning himself off completely and tossing the tissue into the little waste basket on his side of the bed, Kaoru looked at the sheets under Die, shaking his head with a little smile. "I'll go get the spare sheets."

Die turned about the color of his hair and slowly got up, starting to get the sheets off the bed. "Yeah... sorry about that."

Kaoru waved it off and then turned around. "Hang on," he said before Die had actually pulled the fitted sheet off. He stepped into the room again. "Maybe we should make sure we're actually done messing those up first." He smirked and walked up behind his lover, pressing against his back. "Did you want more? Or are you sated for the night?"

Die had one corner up and he paused, biting his lip a little. "Mmm... I'm okay... if you are."

Kaoru kissed Die's ear, nodding. "Mm, okay. Just making sure, sugar." He went off again, naked as a lark, walking to the little storage room with the washer and dryer and grabbing their spare sheets and his old comforter for now. He brought them back and put them on the bench at the foot of the bed, helping Die gather up the wet sheets.

Once they had the sheets off and balled up, Die headed off to the laundry room, stuffing the sheets in and seeing that Kaoru had obviously found their detergent. He hummed to himself as he came back after turning it on and smiled at Kaoru before he poked his DVD player, making the disk come out.

Kaoru put on the new sheets and comforter, tossing the pillows back on and then pulling on a pair of pajama bottoms, comfortable, worn dark cotton that were so faded their color was indistinguishable. He went into the kitchen and got himself a bottle of water and a peach, rinsing the fruit and then cutting it up and putting it on a folded up paper towel, tucking the book he'd been reading under his arm and trotting back to the bedroom. "Baby, you want one?" he asked, offering out the peach slices as he chewed on one, himself.

Die settled down on the newly sheeted bed and reached over, taking one of the offered peach slices. He chewed and then swallowed, flicking the TV to actual channels. "I'm so glad the cable was already run."

Kaoru chuckled, setting his book on his side of the bed and the bottle of water on his night stand, offering Die another peach. "I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette real quick, then get ready for bed. I'll be right back." He leaned down and pecked Die's forehead, stepping out onto the front porch and sitting down on his little green-and-white stripe-cushioned bench, rocking it as he sat and smoked a clove, looking at the neighborhood he was now a part of, the street lights turning everything blue and orange.

Die took another slice and then flicked through the channels until he found some random horror show and let it be, the volume really low.

Kaoru ground out his cigarette and then went back inside, locking the doors, closing the blinds, turning off lights. He left the one over the sink on in case they got up in the middle of the night and needed to not kill themselves in the dark, then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, putting a balm on his tattoos and then looking at the little purple jewel stud in his nose. He'd done it to be supportive of Sita, who was terrified of needles, but had to have her nose pierced by tradition for her wedding, but he wasn't really sure if he would keep it. Shrugging, he moisturized his face and then slipped back into the bedroom, turning on the little lamp on his bedside table and sliding under the covers, propped up against the headboard as he opened his book and started to read.

Die looked up when Kaoru came in, smiling softly at him. "Hey, baby. Have a nice smoke?" His eyes returned to the TV, intent on the movie that was playing.

Kaoru hummed, smoothing out the page of his book. "Mmhmm. It feels really good outside." He read a few pages and then reached into his nightstand, grabbing his glasses that he usually didn't need until his eyes got fatigued. He slipped them on - they were his spare pair, dark purple plastic rims with silver temples - and resumed reading, snuggling down a little more on the bed. He sighed and closed the book around his finger, looking at Die. "This is the kind of thing I used to wish for when I was little..."

Die glanced over at him and then smiled softly, nodding. "Yeah... I can see that," he murmured softly.

Kaoru reached down and laced his fingers with Die's bringing is lover's hand up to kiss and then continuing on with his book, stilling holding Die's hand. After a few chapters, right around the time Die's movie was finishing, he decided to call it a night, setting his book and glasses on the bedside table and turning off his lamp. He scooted down and stretched out under the covers, idly watching the end of Die's movie to wind down and start to fall asleep.

Die finished up with the movie, flicking off the TV and yawning. He got up and padded off to the bathroom, using the toilet and brushing his teeth, washing his face, and then came back in and sank down on the bed next to Kaoru. He yawned a little and stretched.

Kaoru curled up to him, purring. "Night, baby... I love you."

"Love you, too, baby." Die smiled, tugging the covers up and settling down.

**To Be Continued...**


	38. Chapter 37

Over the next month, things began to settle around the house, feeling more and more like a home. They had gone to an antique mall and found the perfect chandelier for Die, which now hung over the dining room table in the breakfast nook, and a large armchair with matching footstool that was a deep indigo, upholstered in a smooth velvet that felt like something that would go in the library of some English manor. Die and Kaoru both had fallen in love with it and had to enlist the help of Sita and her Jeep to get it back to the house. Art had been hung; some landscapes, a painting Die had had of a lovely man on red silk sheets, and a few art photos of Kaoru's. They had bought a red futon couch for the guest room and another office chair, and Kaoru had found a pair of cheap, very nice barstools to go at the backside of the kitchen counter.

The photo ideas Kaoru had had were accomplished, the one of he and Die smiling on the front porch getting emailed around to update friends and family on their move, and the other of the kiss in the kitchen, which had turned out more artistic than Kaoru had expected, to his pleasant surprise, had been downsized for the time being and put in a photo magnet on the freezer door. Their anniversary, the "real" one, had been a quiet but romantic affair in at the house, and everything, in general, had become very comfortable and pleasant. As such, it was about time for a house-warming. Kaoru had invited his parents and Sita, Sachiko having already told him she would have to plan a weekend down to spend with them instead. Die had invited Kyo - who was thrilled about coming to see he and Kaoru again - and, on an off chance they might be able to pretend to be civil, his parents. The theme would be Hawaiian luau. Kaoru had been a little mortified by this idea, but Die had insisted, and he caved. He supposed once the piña coladas started flowing, it wouldn't be so bad, after all.

Kyo had made sure he got some days off to be able to get away and see Die again. He'd been in LA for the past week, doing interviews and plugging the hell out of his album and upcoming US tour, opening for a newer, just as odd band, Jonni Savv, and he was honestly quite ready to take a break. The flight wasn't too bad; he'd actually managed to get some sleep, and as the plane taxied up to the gate, he found himself looking for Die through the big windows, his heart pounding. Something about coming out to visit had made their friendship, which floated between satellites and cell-phones and an entire ocean most of the time, feel solid and real. He gathered up his messenger bag, stuffed to the gills with all sorts of books and magazines, an old portable CD player, and a whole collection of jewel cases, some with more than one CD stuffed into them. He was wearing a worn out grey zip-up hoodie over a plain black v-neck t-shirt, and the most comfortable pair of jeans he owned, with black leather Converse sneakers. He hadn't worn any jewelry except for his piercings - left side of his lip, right nostril, over a dozen in his ears - and his long blonde hair was in a high, tight ponytail, big dark sunglasses over his eyes. He was too used to going incognito; it was hard to switch out of the habit, though he knew it was unlikely anyone would know who he was here.

Filing slowly off the plane, he walked out into the lobby, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head and looking around, trying to find baggage claim and keeping an eye out for a shock of red hair.

Die's entire day had been filled with preparing to welcome Kyo into their home for the week. He'd done up the guest room for Kyo with pillows and sheets and a comforter to go on the futon.

Kyo had to walk all the way across the airport from his gate to get to baggage claim, twice feeling little nudges on his brain that people around him thought he was a teenage girl. He hated being in public places like this; it was hard to block out so many signals at once, not to mention, the corporeal noises and such, as well. Being in Japan made him feel short already, but being in America could sometimes put him in a panic, especially in large crowds when he couldn't even really see around him.

He kept his head down, walking towards the signs that said baggage claim. He was about to pull out his phone and see if maybe Die was waiting for him in the pick-up area outside when he looked up to flick his bangs out of his eyes, and spotted the other immediately. A grin broke out across his face and he couldn't help but break into a run, holding his bag down against his side so it wouldn't go crazy, bee-lining to the redhead. "Die-kun!"

Die had been scanning the entire crowd for Kyo, still bouncing around on his feet. When he heard the cry, a huge grin spread across his face and he ran toward Kyo, getting to him in record time and scooping the other up in his arms, hugging him tight. He let out a squeal that probably befitted a girl more than him, but he didn't really care. 

"Kyoooooooooooo~!" he let out, hugging him tight, truly excited to see him again.

Kyo all but threw himself into Die's open arms, allowing the other to lift him up off the ground, wrapping his legs around Die's waist and hugging onto his neck for dear life. "Oh my fucking god, I missed you so mother fucking much!" He knew he weighed all of ninety-five pounds, but once they had squeezed the shit out of each other for a good minute or two, he unwrapped his legs, sort of dangling to be put back down on the ground. "I am so glad to see you." He stepped back and beamed, his full lips pulled back from his crooked teeth.

"I know! I missed you, too!" Die let out. Once he let Kyo go, he became aware of all the people staring at them like they were freaks. He stuck his tongue out at an old lady and took Kyo's hand, leading him off toward the baggage claim. "I'm not letting go of you until I have to. I hope you know that." He felt like a child. But then, he'd never really had a good friend before Kyo and, honestly, the fact that he got to be best friends with the man who'd pretty much been his idol for a long time was amazing to him.

Kyo blinked at Die holding his hand, but followed him, going up to the spinning belt of luggage and waiting for his. It wasn't exactly easy to miss; an electric green suitcase with neon yellow stripes slid down onto the conveyor and he hauled it off, pulling up the little handle and wheeling it after himself towards the exit. "You look different..." he told Die, eying him over, "Then again, I really only saw you the once. You look good, though."

Die grinned at Kyo's suitcase. "Dude... that is a bright-ass piece of luggage." He chuckled as they headed for the exit. "Yeah, well... I haven't cut my hair in a while, so..." he shrugged a bit. "You look smashing, by the way."

Kyo rolled his eyes. "Do you know how much I travel? If I didn't have this obnoxious ass suitcase, I'd lose luggage left and right. Baggage people don't dare lose this thing." He tucked his blonde bangs back behind his ear and grinned again. "So what amazing adventures do you have planned for me? Will there be cute boys involved that might find my stereotypically laughable tininess sexy?"

Die stepped out the doors and crossed the street. "I think there will be some of Kaoru's friends that are probably incredibly gay. Does that count?' He glanced over at Kyo, squeezing his hand until they got to the car and he popped his trunk, hauling Kyo's luggage into there.

The vocalist let Die put his lugged in the trunk, looking at the little car. "Ooooh, cute! Yeah, I guess Kaoru's gay friends count, so long as I get a little action." He stretched and took a deep breath. "Do you mind if I just walk around for a minute and smoke a cigarette? I've been sitting for three hours." He pulled out his pack from his bag as he asked it and then frowned. "They took my lucky lighter from me at LAX! I was so mad!"

Die closed the trunk and fished out his own cigarette and lighter, flicking the flame to life and holding it out for Kyo.

Kyo took the lighter with a little nod and lit his cigarette before handing it back. "Thanks." He leaned against a cement wall around the parking area, sucking up smoke. "I feel so normal right now. I love it." The ghost of a grin just wouldn't leave his lips.

Die took the lighter back, lighting his own cigarette. He glanced at Kyo's choice brand of cigarettes, taking note that they were Virginia Slims. That was pretty amusing in and of itself. He laughed a little, a plume of smoke leaving his lips. "You feel normal when your best friend is plastered to your side?"

Kyo spread his arms out. "I feel normal just _having_ a best friend! Coming to see you and spend time with you and your boyfriend instead of flying out by myself to New York or Europe, alone and working all the time. I love what I do, I really, really do, but... feeling normal is great, too."

Die grinned at him. "Well, then I'm honored that you feel normal with me, then." He took another drag of his cigarette and let it out with a soft sigh of pleasure. "So... the house warming theme is Hawaiian Luau, by the way. And my parents and brother are coming. This should be a relative disaster. So if I end up screaming at three people who look like me, now you know why."

Kyo smiled and then laughed at the luau announcement, and then his face sort of fell. He crossed one arm over his chest and clutched at the inside of the elbow of the arm he was smoking with, taking a drag off the slim cigarette. "Honey... your parents?" he asked almost in disbelief. "Oh shit..."

Die shrugged a little. "I wanted to show them that I don't care what they think, that if they want to be civil with me, then I'll be civil with them and forget the past. But if they start shit, then I wanted to do it on my own turf so I could kick their sorry asses out." He took another drag of his cigarette. "It had to be done sometime... and I know my mom... she'll show up at the beginning... maybe early. So we can get the fight - or not - out of the way."

Kyo made a face expressing his empathy. "Honestly, it's situations like yours that make me okay with not having parents." He just let it slip out, trusting Die easily even though so little was known about his past. He smoked the rest of his cigarette and then ground it out, tossing it into a trash can. "Ready to go?"

Die couldn't help it and he reached over and gently ruffled Kyo's hair. He offered a soft smile and rather than pushing for information he didn't know if Kyo wanted to share or not, he just offered, "Sometimes friends are way better than family anyway." He finished off his cigarette as well and then unlocked the car doors, slipping in and buckling up. Once Kyo was in, he held out the little pastry bag and the tea. "Thought you might be hungry and might want some tea." He gave him a big smile.

Kyo blinked at the offered food, then smiled, taking both and sipping the tea. "Thank you! This is really good." He opened up the bag and took out the Danish, eating it as carefully as possible so he didn't drop crumbs in Die's car, looking out the window as they drove. "I've never been here. What's the scene like?" He meant art-wise. Some places were modern, some folky, and some progressive. It was interesting to him that the trends were usually universal - food, theatre, music, and visual arts from a certain area often reflected a similar theme.

Die beamed at Kyo, glad he liked it. When the question about the scene came, he shrugged a little. "To be honest with you... I really don't know. My job isn't usually for local clients. We work internationally and I'm high enough up the chain that I don't ever see local projects. I usually end up with stuff for places like Houston or Chicago. The rung right above me gets New York City and LA." He picked up his coffee, taking a sip when the stopped at a stoplight. "Musically, I used to know the scene here, but I've kinda fallen out of the loop these past few years."

Kyo nodded a little. "What about Kaoru, has he ever shown his art around here?" He sipped more of his tea, his bag on the floor at his feet. Something rattled in it every time they hit a pothole, but he didn't seem to notice. "He's good enough to do something other than working for some regional magazine, and not even really as a photographer."

"I think he's wanted to, but he doesn't think he's that good I guess. I dunno... I mean, he told me I should show my stuff, which is just plain retarded." He shrugged a bit. "Maybe one day he'll actually get around to doing a display somewhere... when someone convinces him he's good enough, you know?"

Kyo crossed his skinny legs at the knee, finishing off his Danish, holding the other one in the bag in his lap. "I've never seen your work, you should show me some time. And Kaoru's an idiot if he doesn't think he's any good. He's amazing, I internet stalked his online portfolio, not to mention, the photos he took of me were what, four months ago? Maybe a little longer? And I've done at least six other photo shoots with Japanese magazines since then, and still, almost all the major Japanese fan sites and using _his_ photos as layouts." He blushed a little to have just admitted he checked his own fan sites, but he was always too curious what people thought of him. Usually, it was a little scary, but what good he gleaned out of from those who expressed that his music was a therapeutic thing for them, it was what made him feel good. "Have you two ever done anything together?"

Die made a little sound at Kyo wanting to see his work. Somehow, it was a little embarrassing, but he nodded anyway. "Yeah, the English ones are using them, too," Die admitted softly, glancing at Kyo with a faint blush, hoping he didn't take that the wrong way. But just because he was friends with him didn't mean he wanted to be out of the loop on the information that Kyo's agency would give out and maybe never even tell Kyo about in the first place. Well... that and the rumors. Rumors were always fun to snort at. For example, the rumor that Kyo had a wife and three children. That had almost gotten Die in trouble on break at work.

"Not yet. I dunno... I mean, I think our tastes kind of clash anyway." He winced a little. "The house... I am so happy it came out better than I anticipated. Kaoru's kinda pushy and I'm kind of a push-over, so I figured I'd have to get rid of everything of mine, so I did... and he got kind of annoyed at me and I had to go get it back." He laughed and shook his head. "There was less arguing than I thought there would be and I'm happy for that at least. But I'm pretty sure you can still tell whose stuff is whose... you know?"

Kyo listened, nodding along at appropriate points. "I still think a collaborative art piece would be interesting... and it's good you're not fighting anymore. For a minute there, I thought for sure you two were done." He gave Die a little smile. "So... now that you're living together, is it like... just hope for the best and see where it goes, or do you already still see yourself with him in five years? Ten? ...Forever?" Their relationship fascinated Kyo, who rather shamelessly let himself live vicariously through Die with it. "I mean," he laughed, "you're not like, shopping for rings and scheming up how to propose to him yet, right?"

Die chuckled softly at how full of questions Kyo was. He was so used to the man who the fandom claimed didn't like to talk that he found the insight into the real Kyo to be completely amusing at times. He turned a corner and then got onto the highway. "Well... I think I'm pretty much doing the hoping for the best part. I think he's doing the forever bit, though. I think if it ever does happen that someone proposes... it'll be him. Not that I don't want it to last forever or anything, don't get me wrong. But I honestly want things to completely smooth out and stay that way for a few years before I even consider such things. Does that make sense?"

Kyo tilted his head a bit; it seemed almost like Kaoru wanted more than Die was willing to give just then. "I don't think he'd jump the gun. I think he would love for it to last forever, yeah, but... he's still cautious. He'd want at least a few good years before he ever thought about something as serious as marriage. Or whatever." He shrugged, then looked over at Die again. "Does it bother you I just say things like that? I can't help it, I just... it's just me, I guess. I see it and I say it and I guess I forget that most people don't just intuit the things I do."

Die listened to what Kyo had to say before he shook his head a little. "To be honest with you, I really like that you just tell it like it is. It puts me at ease. I guess some people would freak out, but I honestly like it." He smiled over at Kyo and then took another sip of coffee, putting it back in the cup holder.

Kyo hummed a little, bobbing his head in a nod. "I suppose sometimes I just let myself talk because... it's hard to tell what other people already know for themselves, what's obvious for... normal people, for lack of a better word, to be able to infer. Like, I'm sure you know this, but maybe it's more impactful to hear it from someone else? That Kaoru loves you so madly and completely... everything about you. It just radiates off him that you mean everything to him, and that all he really wants in life is to make you happy, and be happy with you." He gave a sad little smile. "Seriously, it's hard not to be jealous. Maybe he loves you a little blindly, just because he's always had his heart set on being with someone, but..." He giggled a little. "Do you really want to hear something silly?"

"It really does help to hear it from someone else sometime. I guess it sort of... reinforces it, you know?" He reached over to gently pat Kyo's thigh. "Sweetie, you'll find someone when it's meant to happen!" He smiled softly at him. "What?"

Kyo couldn't help but laugh a little while he dished on Kaoru. "When I was with you two, he does this thing... he'll look at you and he'll think, ‘Gah, he is so beautiful,’ or ‘I love his eyes,’ or even like he's saying it to you, ‘I love the sound of your voice.’ It's really cute."

Die blushed a little and tapped the steering wheel. "Wow... I had no idea he did things like that." He grinned a little. "And the fact that you can hear it is kinda neat, too." He squeezed a little on Kyo's thigh before he let go. "Do you know how much I adore you being here right now?"

Kyo beamed, blushing ever so slightly. "Probably about as much as I like being here." He finished his tea and set the empty cup behind Die's. "So do we have any plans or anything while I'm here, other than the housewarming? Kaoru mentioned something to me about hiking at a waterfall if I was feeling up to it?"

"Oooo, the waterfall! I think you'd like that." He smiled softly, taking the next exit. "I think we'll find stuff to do. Maybe you'll get to see Kaoru do drag." He grinned as he started to wind through the streets toward his neighborhood.

Kyo laughed. "Oh shit. Do you like him doing drag, or is it kind of like a joke? I mean... is it something you're cool with and find interesting, sexy, what? It's a little weird for me, drag queens in Japan are way too campy and over the top, but the thought of Kaoru doing more like... female impersonator... that drag is honestly kind of hot. That's a pretty-ass man." He chuckled and looked at the houses going by, at the big, old oaks spotting the small, green yards and the flowerbeds. "This is a nice little neighborhood."

Die smirked a bit. "Well... let's say the trans-boy has a thing for men with tits... so it feeds my little kink." He blushed right after, not really believing he'd just said that to Kyo.

Kyo laughed, throwing back his head and clapping his long hands together. "Oh, little girl I missed you. You're so adorable when you blush." He shook his head and then leaned forward as they approached the little yellow house, sat down from the road with the red brick steps that led down to the white railed porch. "Is that it?" he asked, pointing. He was sure it was, smiling. "It's so cute!"

Die blushed even deeper. "Kyo~!" he let out when he called him little girl. He huffed. If he didn't adore his friend so much, he'd have smacked him up back the head for that. Distracted for a moment, he nodded when Kyo pointed it out. "Yeah, that's it. And it is cute." He pulled up beside the house where he'd taken to parking when he was lazy and cut the engine. He popped the trunk and got out, holding his coffee.

Kyo got out of the car and took his empty paper cup, putting it in the recycling bin at the back stairs. He slung his bag over his shoulder and went to get his suitcase out of the trunk, batting Die for already lifting it out. "I can do it! I'm not a diva. I'm quite capable of carrying my own suitcase." He knew Die was just being polite, but Kyo sort of hated having things done for him after seeing the way other musicians treated people around them, like they were expected to bow down to them.

Die pouted at Kyo. "But maybe the fan-boy in your best friend wants to carry it for you." He closed the trunk and started off toward the house, not really taking no for an answer.

Kyo kind of huffed, walking up the creaking back stairs, bending down to untie his shoes and slip them off, putting them into one of the cubbies in the little block of them. He looked around the tiny little porch, out at the yard, at the ivy growing on the fence between their yard and the next, the big oak at the edge of the alley, the red brick terracing. "It's charming," he mused aloud.

Die carted Kyo's suitcase up the stairs and paused to shove his shoes into the cubby before he unlocked the back door and opened it, heading inside. "Welcome to our home!" he announced the moment Kyo stepped inside.

Kyo stepped in, looking around the kitchen with the flagstone-styled floors, then into the hardwood floored parlor, the bookshelves stuffed and dotted with trinkets, Kaoru rising from the leather couch where he'd been reading. He set his book aside and walked around the bar to greet Kyo, smiling. He'd grown in a mustache over the last few weeks, having gotten bored and wanting to do something different; it was honestly a good look with his long hair, especially when he wore glasses, or at least he thought so. He knew Die wasn't too thrilled about it, but he probably wouldn't be keeping it for too long.

Kyo looked at the facial hair on such a fine-featured face and sort of had to do a double take, but was glad when Kaoru went in for a hug so he could cover up his weird look. He rubbed the other's back and they exchanged little pleasantries in Japanese, that they were happy to see each other again and to have Kyo in their new home. When they pulled apart, Kyo stepped into the parlor, looking around the house. He opened up his bag then and pulled out a paper bag. 

"I brought gifts for both of you," he explained, pulling out a rectangular piece of glazed ceramic with a hole at the top meant to hang it with, setting it on top of the bag. It was painted with glaze like a traditional ink painting with a moon on one side of a mountain with rays of the run escaping behind it and kanji down the side. "It isn't much, but..." he shrugged and offered it out to Kaoru with both hands. "I remember you'd mentioned your mother was half Ainu, and I saw this when I was in Hokkaido."

Kaoru sort of blushed and reached out with both hands, taking the plaque, both of them bowing to each other before Kaoru pulled the piece of ceramic towards him, looking at it. "Chup-Kamui?" he asked with a wry smile. "Thank you." 

Kyo blushed a little and nodded, digging through his bag again.

Die smiled over at Kaoru, rolling Kyo's suitcase off to the spare room, putting it against the wall next to the closet and then coming back out in time to see Kyo give Kaoru his gift. He smiled softly, leaning on the counter and watching them. He would have offered Kyo something to drink, but he'd just given him that, so there was no reason to do so again. He sniffed a bit and picked his own coffee back up, drinking from it before he remembered his Danish. He glanced around, finding it on the counter and tugging the bag over, pulling out the pastry and using the two thin papers to pull it apart so he could give Kaoru half of his. The other half, he stuffed down like a starving man.

Kaoru set the ceramic down on the counter, picking at the half of Danish and watching Die scarf his down. He was about to ask what Die wanted to do for dinner, if he should cook, or if they'd take Kyo out somewhere, when he turned to see the blonde bowing in front of Die a little, holding out in both hands, placed on top of the little paper bag it had come in, a lovely lotus seed mala with a soft red tassel. "I don't know what made me get it," he explained almost shyly. "It just sort of screamed at me to buy it for you."

Die had finished his Danish off and made sure his hands weren't sticky. He tossed the bag in the trash and then turned around to find Kyo there. The way he bowed to him and held out the gift with both hands kind of surprised Die. But then, he should have expected it. He blushed softly, remembering at least this much of his etiquette. He bowed as well, accepting the gift from Kyo and then straightening to peer at it. He wasn't quite sure what the meaning was supposed to be, though he at least knew they were prayer beads. "Thank you," he murmured, speaking softly in Japanese. His fingers stroked over the little tassel and he smiled. From somewhere in the back of his mind, he murmured, "Lotus seed?"

Kyo nodded, rubbing his arm self-consciously. It was kind of an odd gift to give to someone who wasn't rather openly or obviously spiritual, but something had told him to get it for Die. "It's what I pray with. They feel the most... right." He shrugged. "Maybe I'll figure out later why you were supposed to get them, but something just kept telling me to bring them to you."

Die smiled at Kyo. "We pay attention to feelings around here... trust me." He glanced at Kaoru, remembering the night he'd felt terrible about Kaoru going off to get his car. "So it's not out of the ordinary to just feel like something is right." He leaned in, gently hugging Kyo as his own personal way of saying thanks. Die was just touchy-feely and he couldn't help that, nor did he really want to change it. Contact with people was what made him the most at ease and he didn't like denying it unless it made someone else highly uncomfortable.

Kyo patted his back in return, pulling away and brushing his bangs back behind his ear with his long fingers. 

Kaoru sort of slapped his hands down against his thighs, hiking his brows as he looked at Die. "What do we want to do for dinner, baby?" He turned his attention to Kyo. "I can cook something, or we could go out to eat somewhere." 

Kyo sort of shrugged, looking between the two of them. "I'm okay with whatever. If we go out, I'll buy. It can be my rent for staying here for almost a week." He chuckled a little.

Die shrugged a little bit. "I think we should show him around the house first... and then go somewhere." He headed off to the living room, intent on trying to figure out where the hell to put the beads in the 'thinger' Kaoru had set up. Die still didn't remember what to call it and he felt too stupid asking, so he just named it the 'thinger' in his head.

Kaoru followed him, watching Die sort of fidget, looking up at the kamidana with the mala in his hand. "Did you want to set them with someone?" he asked. He had a habit of setting things with different gods when he felt like he needed some sort of vibe; carrying coins in his pocket that had sat with Daikoku for a few days when money was tight, wearing a ring that he'd bought and offered to Tenjin, which stayed with the little statue of the god when Kaoru wasn't wearing it, and that he wore when he needed to write and felt blocked, etc. He put a hand on his hip, curious what Die was thinking.

Die blinked, uncertain what exactly Kaoru meant by 'someone' until it hit him that he probably meant the little god statues. He frowned a little, uncertain what he should do or say. He didn't want to look like a total idiot in front of Kyo, but he had specifically asked for something to go there from Kyo and he'd done exactly that. He gnawed on his lip and finally glanced at Kyo with a silent scream for 'help'. Maybe he'd offer at least a temporary solution in a discreet manner... or something.

Kyo saw the lost look and chuckled a little, going into the kitchen to wash his hands quickly, coming back out and extending his hand or the beads, looking at Kaoru. "Kannon?" he asked. Kaoru thought about it a moment, then nodded, spitting off something in Japanese that seemed more dialect that usual; he and Kyo couldn't help but play off each other's Kansai accents. Kyo nodded and smiled, turning back to Die, hand still extended. "Kuan Yin. Her energy works best with the lotus, I think."

Die looked between them, very confused about the hand washing and the sudden accent Kaoru had. But he just nodded, handing the beads to Kyo, trying hard to not look as confused as he felt. He shifted slightly on his feet and watched what Kyo did intently, hoping to learn something from all of this. Actually... the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to ask Kyo, to see what his friend could teach him that he could show Kaoru later that he knew.

Kyo gently took the mala and got up on his toes, reaching up to loop it around the base of Kaoru's statue of Kuan Yin. He hummed something under his breath and, almost out of instinct, Kaoru joined in and did a few chants of the daimoku with him. Kyo stepped back and looked at it, giving one nod. "There." He turned and looked at Die. "Good?"

Die shifted to put his hands behind his back, his head bowed when both of them started in on the chanting. He could almost feel the shift in the room and he was truly confused as to what it was or why he felt it the way he did. All the same, he nodded when they were done, finally releasing his hands from one another, pushing them into his pockets, his mood more somber than it had been before. Though, again, he wasn't really sure why.

Kaoru tilted his head, watching Die's reaction. He could imagine this might feel a little odd for Die. He remembered going to church a few times with a friend in high school and he had felt so out of place and uncomfortable. He assumed Die must feel a little like that now. He leaned forward and kissed his lover's cheek before going into the kitchen, taking the ceramic plaque from Kyo and propping it up in the window over the sink for now until he decided where to hang it. "So what kind of food are you two in the mood for?" he asked.

Kyo shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets and hip-checking Die. "American food! I'd kill for some mac 'n' cheese, seriously."

Die laughed when Kyo bumped into him. He slung an arm around his friend and headed after Kaoru. "Mmm... well... if Kyo wants mac 'n' cheese, then we can just do that and stay here." He didn't see a reason to pay for such things when they could whip up some Kraft right here.

"Mmkay." Kaoru checked to make sure they had eggs and a block of white cheddar. "I can make some really good homemade stuff. Maybe like," he thought for a minute, "mashed potatoes and peas, and I can bread and fry some chicken in a pan?" Kyo looked excited about this, nodding quickly.

Die peered over at Kaoru a little oddly, but he shrugged. That was perfectly okay with him. "Fine with me. Need help with any of it?"

Kaoru hiked a brow at Die. "What was that look for?" he asked, hooking an arm around his lover's waist and kissing his neck, rubbing his mustache against the other's skin. He rather liked messing with Die with it, getting the impression it either tickled or his lover wasn't very fond of it, but for now, he'd keep it and bug him. 

"Nothing... nothing," he murmured, making a face when Kaoru rubbed his mustache against him. It felt... odd. Part of his own had been trying to come in and Die was diligently getting rid of it each time it happened. He didn't like that at all... aside from the fact that it made him look rather stupid.

"Yeah, um..." He opened up the fridge as Kyo set his bag on a bar stool, piping in "I can help, too!" but Kaoru waved him off. "Naw, naw! You're the guest, just chill out, we can all hang in here and talk." He loved having a kitchen that was open from such activities; his favorite memories of growing up had been in the kitchen with his family. "So what have you been doing lately?" he asked the singer, getting out milk, eggs, cheese, chicken, and some roasted garlic he'd made a few days ago, pulling a small bag of red potatoes out from under the sink and asking Die to please wash them and then put them in a pot to boil while he got some macaroni out to start cooking.

Kyo climbed up into the other stool, resting on his arms on the higher bar section over the counter. "Promo stuff, honestly. Just trying to keep hype up with the album and such. I haven't really buckled down and done an official tour yet; management is getting me a gig opening for Jonni Savv, but I like them, so I'm cool with that. I want to do a good sweep of Japan before that, but there's no time to really set stuff up. I might just do impromptu shows..." He was thinking out loud at this point, really. "Whatever. My life is kind of a wing it situation anymore. The album's doing pretty good here in the States, too, and I get to tour with band I really like soon, so, I'm good. You?"

Kaoru shrugged, stirring the macaroni to boil and then trying to decide how to stagger time; it would probably take a good twenty minutes or so to make the macaroni and cheese. "Same old, same old, career wise. And as far as personal life, well," he smiled and gestured at Die and then at the house around them. "You're looking at it." He got out a glass casserole dish and set it out for the macaroni. "Hey baby, I'll take over the potatoes, why don't you show Kyo around the rest of the house?"

Die had moved off to get the potatoes and started washing and cutting them. He was halfway through his estimated amount of potatoes that he assumed the three of them would eat when Kaoru told him to go show Kyo around. He washed his hands and wiped them on his jeans, nodding as he moved away from the counter. "Well... how about we start with where you'll be staying?" he asked, grinning a bit.

Kaoru patted Die's ass as he walked off around the counter, taking over the potatoes. Kyo hopped down from the stool and nodded, following Die into the guest room. He looked at the futon couch and the desks, the tall bookshelf stuffed with books and magazines and trinkets. When he saw the poster of himself over Die's art desk - a signed poster, no less - he turned about three shades of red. "Um... well that's gonna be interesting... sleeping with, er, me, staring at me." He laughed in a slightly embarrassed manner, rubbing the back of his head. "I knew you were a fan, but, heh, wow."

Die concentrated on showing him the futon and the space in the closet next to Kaoru's drag stuff if he needed it. But when Kyo noticed the poster, Die managed to turn quite a bit redder than Kyo. "Ah, um... well..." he leaned up over his desk and gently tugged on the corner, freeing the poster sticky from the back of the poster. He'd been meaning to get a frame anyway. He got it entirely down and started rolling it up, looking completely embarrassed. "I'm sorry," he murmured, feeling really out of sorts all of a sudden, like he'd kind of freaked Kyo out. Humiliation swept through a moment later as he tucked the poster into the other one that was thankfully rolled up and then tossed them up on the top shelf of the closet, as far back as he could get them. Maybe he'd just sell his stuff... or something.

Kyo felt bad to have obviously embarrassed Die. He touched his arm, frowning a little. "No, no, I'm sorry! You didn't have to take it down! It's just... I don't know; it's a little weird thinking you're a fan, sometimes. I mean... I'm used to my fans all being a little... well." He shrugged. "Nuts. Possessive of me. If I wasn't able to read people, it would be easy to think you were only in this because you wanted a piece of me, but, I can see in your heart and I know you're more genuine than that." He smiled a little. "Don't let me forget before I leave - I'll resign it especially for you, okay?"

Die gasped softly at being touched, not having been paying any attention at all to anything except his own embarrassment. He ran a hand through his hair and worried his upper lip just a little before he shook his head. He shifted on his spot and then sighed. "Kaoru thinks it's weird, too. But it's just a photo... I mean... I paid more for it than a photo print, but... yeah." He rubbed his hands over his still red face. "I don't mean to weird you out, Kyo... I really don't. But I was a fan before I became your friend." He shrugged a little. "At least you know things you send me don't end up on the internet or something." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, hoping Kyo wouldn't look at the bookshelves and see all the magazines. If he looked hard enough, he'd know which part was Die's collection, each magazine containing interviews and photos of Kyo.

He didn't comment on the signature, too intent on the fact that he'd freaked Kyo out with it, his thoughts centering on everything he'd have to sell as soon as he got a chance. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Kyo in any way. His friendship was worth more than anything he'd collected and he damn well knew it.

Kyo frowned deeper up at Die. "You forget I can hear up there... especially when you're feeling that strongly." He wrapped his arms around Die's waist, hugging him tight, cheek pressed into the other's chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. It's more that... it weirds me out seeing stage-me, sometimes, when I'm just being me-me... does that make sense?" 

Die shakily managed to hug Kyo back, closing his eyes for a moment while he tried to get a grip on himself again. He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, nodding. "I should have thought about it, but I didn't. I mean... I guess... to me, there's not really two versions of you. Everyone behaves differently at their work, even me." He shrugged a tiny bit.

Kyo pulled away, shaking his head. "Never mind, just forget about it, okay? And don't sell anything! Or if you're determined to do it, let me sign it all so you can get more for it." He made a little face, then, trying to perk Die up again asked, "Show me the rest of the house?"

A half laugh left Die and he shook his head. "You'd get writer's cramp... trust me." All the same, he shifted away from Kyo's embrace, shuffling out through the parlor area to let him peek into the laundry area. "Detergent's up there, dryer sheets there... and you're more than welcome to use it if you need it."

Kyo laughed at Die basically admitting he had tons of stuff of his, following him out and nodding at the laundry stuff. "Cool, thanks." He looked around in the little dining room, up at the chandelier, flicking the light switch to turn it on. "Ooooh, this is so pretty!" 

Kaoru leaned over the counter and smiled at them, then cursed. "Shit! I didn't think about the face we only have two chairs right now... I guess you two can eat at the bar and I'll just stand at the counter." He went back to making a salad and breading mix for the chicken, checking the potatoes and pasta to see if they were finished boiling yet.

"Yeah, I found it. I love chandeliers." He glanced at Kaoru when he cursed. "Or maybe the cook and guest should sit and I should stand." He gave Kaoru a look that didn't allow for argument, before leading Kyo out toward the living room again.

Kyo grinned at the pictures of Kaoru and Die spotted everywhere, especially on the bookshelves in the parlor. He looked around the living room and out the window at the front porch, walking over to the tokonoma and admiring the shadowbox, knowing just from the feel of them that they were sentimental to Die. "This place just _feels_ like you guys, it's great."

Die watched Kyo walk around, rocking a little on his feet. He was still nervous about earlier, though he was trying hard to concentrate on other things so as to not worry Kyo to death over it. He smiled a little. "Yeah, we tried... repainted everything, too." He headed toward his and Kaoru's bedroom, hoping they hadn't left something embarrassing out on the bed, though honestly not sure if they had or not. He pushed open the door and stepped aside for Kyo to come in.

Kyo walked into the bedroom, curling his toes in the soft carpet. The colors of the room and the energies, the subtle smells of both Kaoru and Die on the bedding, all of it felt so warm and enveloping. He went across the room and pulled up the blinds at the window facing out into the side yard, getting a green view of a huge azalea bush and a few little hedges between their house and the next. He turned back to Die, looking down at the dresser and fingering the necklace Die had given Kaoru for a second. "So you like it here?"

Die watched as Kyo wandered around the room, managing to focus on how the other seemed almost a little lost in his musings until he asked his question. Die nodded. "Yeah... I do." Almost out of nowhere, he realized he hadn't been speaking Japanese since he'd gotten upset in the guest room. He quickly corrected himself in Japanese and stood there, looking a little flustered. He was actually kind of surprised Kaoru hadn't called him on it... or that Kyo hadn't looked confused yet.

Kyo sort of narrowed his eyes in a smile. "I think it's interesting how you jump back and forth between languages. It's unique." He moved towards Die, looking at all of his jewelry on his dresser, memorizing the style just in case he ever wanted to help Die add something to the collection. "Do you read any Japanese at all?" he asked, just out of curiosity.

Die flushed a little. "Actually... Kaoru thought we should put a no English rule on the house for my sake." He absently began to fiddle with the leather bracelet he had on, tugging at one strap of the two. "I haven't in years. Actually, I'm surprised I can speak any of it still."

Kyo put his head on its side, letting out a little "Hmph." "So you can learn it more? You really aren't that bad, I can always understand you easily." He looked at Die for a long time before asking quietly, "Are you okay, sweetie?" Something just seemed off about him and Kyo couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Die nodded in response to the question of if it was so he could learn more. He drew in a soft breath and then murmured, "I think I need a cigarette." He'd just stressed himself out a little too much and honestly felt like he wanted to lock himself in the bathroom and have a good pathetic cry. But that would do no one any good, so he resorted to the other method of relaxation he had... smoking.

Kyo rubbed his shoulder and nodded. "I'll go grab my smokes..." He went through the parlor and grabbed his pack out of his bag, giving Kaoru a shrug when the other made a "What's up?" face at him. He walked back into the living room, shuffling Die out onto the porch and plopping down on the rocking bench. "Spill. There's something up with you... you look like something's been wedged in the back of your mind for months."

Die headed out first, sitting down and lighting up. By the time Kyo came out, he had his head in his hands, his cigarette forgotten, smoldering between his index and middle fingers. He hadn't managed to start crying like a dumbass, but his eyes still held that 'gonna cry soon' look.

He sighed, tugging slightly at his hair before he sat back up and took another drag of his cigarette. "I wish to god I knew. I think... you know how people go through phases where all they can do is the wrong thing? I've been having one of those. I mean, not everything is wrong. Like, moving in here for example. That wasn't wrong. But I keep making these completely irrational decisions and it's like I don't have the control to not do fool things like that."

Kyo looked at Die, concerned. He set his pack of cigarettes down on the little table beside him, forgotten for now, and wrapped his arms around the tall redhead. He really didn't know what to say to that. "Do you think... do you think maybe the hormones have something to do with your mood?"

Die shook his head. "I don't think so... I've been taking them for a long time now. I don't know why it would..." he trailed off. Right... lady bits... gone. He closed his eyes and let out a bitter laugh. "Not the pills... the lack of the rest, maybe." He sighed, leaning into Kyo's touch, just needing to be held right then. "I don't want to bitch to Kaoru. He has enough of his own issues and I don't need to add to our stress. But I feel like shit always telling you, too. I know you'd rather know some good things rather than the bad all the time... and I'm sorry for that."

Kyo pet Die's hair affectionately. "It's okay; everybody needs someone they can turn to. And... sweetie, you know Kaoru loves you and he wants to be there for you, it doesn't mean you have to bottle everything up like everything's fine." He sighed, rocking the other a little. "I'm worried about you."

Die pushed his face into the crook of Kyo's neck as he shakily put his cigarette down in the ashtray. "Can I be girly... just... for a minute?" he asked softly, tears already brimming, threatening to overflow.

Kyo tucked his chin on top of Die's head, hooking his hands at the other's hip, effectively cradling him, as awkward as it was with their height difference. "Of course, Die."

It didn't even take him but a few seconds before he just let everything go, almost sobbing into Kyo's shoulder, clinging to him while he gave himself the much-needed release.

The breakdown was like a stab of pain through Kyo. It didn't take any sort of ability to feel hurt by Die's sobs, he cared for the older man and felt lost as to how to help, not sure even Die knew what had him so twisted up. He did his best to just rock Die back and forth and nuzzle against his hair, trying to give all the comfort he could.

It was a good five or six minutes before Die got a hold of himself enough to sit back, mopping the tears from his face and sniffling. His first impulse was to say he was sorry for doing that, but the truth was... he wasn't. He'd needed it and at least on the surface, it had helped. Instead, he reached for Kyo's hand, holding it tight while he tried to steady his breathing and look like less of a wreck.

Kyo pulled the sleeve of his hoodie down over his hand, wiping Die's face, carefully running the cloth under the other's eyes to dry them. "Do you feel a little better? Maybe think about where this is all coming from?"

Die let Kyo help him, sniffling a tiny bit. "Yeah... I'm... I'm really unhappy at work." He worried his lips for a moment before sighing. "I have so many other ambitions and I'm working for corporate bullshit. But I know I need the money and they've been allowing me the time off for my surgeries, so... I can't really complain." He shrugged. "I guess I'm just tired of being treated like shit when I know I could be treated better somewhere else."

Kyo nodded, listening, holding onto and stroking the back of Die's hand. "You have no real obligation to them, Die. If you're worth your salt, you can get a job somewhere else, maybe doing the same kind of work, but in a better environment, and you might even be surprised to find that clients follow you." He leaned forward and pecked the other's cheek lightly. "Could I... see some of your work, maybe?"

Die drew in a deep, shaky breath and then he nodded. Kyo was right. The phrase 'wise beyond his years' slipped through his mind as he pushed himself up, gently tugging Kyo's hand for him to follow. He could show him the bathroom while he washed his face and then show him his portfolios. 

Kaoru looked up when Die and Kyo came in, for now pretending like he hadn't noticed the whole exchange on the porch. He wasn't really sure he wanted to know what had Die sobbing, and he certainly didn't want to make him start doing it again now that he'd calmed down. He just kept cooking, feigning obliviousness. Kyo followed after Die, inspecting the bathroom. He remembered Die saying that had been his sole project. "You did a good job."

Die splashed some water on his face, washing it off and then drying. He blew his nose and washed up his hands before straightening back up. They'd managed to get a pretty set of rugs a little darker rose than the walls and Die had purchased some really pretty holders for their toothbrushes, soap, and other stuff that were all done in the same colors, kind of a southwest theme going on with it. He smiled softly. "I thought about it for a long time."

"It's nice; most people do bathroom all pastel and shit trying to go with a beach theme or something and it's honestly disgusting. This is interesting. I like the tub and the shower separate like that, too, and the fact that the shower is glass." He smirked. "Do you ever just sit on the counter and watch Kaoru shower?"

Die smiled at him and then shook his head. "Not yet... but we've done other interesting things in the shower." His eyes gleamed with a hint of dirtiness.

The blonde made a sort of dark rumble that could have been a chuckle or a growl, stepping back into the parlor. "Art, art, I wanna see art!" 

Kaoru laughed from the kitchen, putting the eggs and cheese into the casserole dish with the macaroni and popping it in the over before starting to mash the potatoes with some garlic, salt, and a tad bit of milk and oregano. Kyo took a big sniff. "Gah, that smells amazing!"

Kaoru sort of brushed his shoulder off. "I'm pretty amazing in the kitchen."

Die laughed at both of them, shaking his head as he wandered into the spare room. He grinned as he pulled out three portfolios. Two of them were filled with printed copies of his advertisements and the last held some of his actual artwork. He held them out to Kyo.

Kyo had an almost hungry look in his eyes, taking the portfolios and sitting down at Kaoru's desk, opening the first with Die's ads and starting to page through it, taking it all in, wanting to absorb it before processing.

Die leaned against the wall, his arms loosely crossed while Kyo thumbed through his stuff. He wasn't about to interrupt him, just watching.

Kyo went through both portfolios of the ad work first, taking the images in the way they were meant to be - like he was flipping through a magazine, waiting for his eyes to be caught. After all, Kyo was a walking billboard for himself, he knew all about the tricks of marketing, had been twisted around by his management on occasion just to make a dollar. He understood that if he wanted to play with the big boys, he had to appeal to the market every once in a while, but on occasion, the integrity of his art got snubbed for the sake of hooking a few new fans. He finished through the ad stuff and set it back, making sure everything was nice and straight in their respective folders.

As he moved on to the original stuff, he felt like Die must have made a mistake and given him a different artist's collection. The piece here were packed with detail, hardly a blank space to be found, his concept of lighting superb, color tasteful. The content of some was boring, but the technique was enough to hold its own. He went through them slower than he had the ads, his brows knitting more and more together as he reached the last piece, a huge, multi-gender orgy. He set it down and looked up at Die, shock on his face. "Die..." He worked his mouth a little. "Why in the fuck are you doing," he scoffed, gesturing at the other two portfolios, "fucking beer ads and game promos? You should be doing _this_!" He picked up the original pieces and then restacked them, going through them again. "You should do album covers, and book covers, movie posters, maybe illustrations, even." He folded the portfolio closed and looked at it, then smiled up at Die. "I didn't know you had this kind of talent."

Die fidgeted a little. "Because where I'm at is the only job that would hire me. The rest told me a portfolio wasn't what would get me a job... experience would." He shrugged a tiny bit. "I wouldn't even know where to start with my art, honestly." He ducked his head. "Besides... it's not that great anyway. There are tons of people out there way better than me."

The corners of Kyo's mouth turned down. "Just because there are people who are better doesn't mean you aren't any good. And the people who are better are more expensive and less accessible." He stacked the portfolios together and then handed them back to Die. "Think about it. Maybe try to shop around doing even like... a promo poster for a local band for cheap, just to get your stuff out there, to see if people like it." He stood up and gave Die a little smile. "Art is about soul, not aesthetic. You'll find the right place for yours one day. Now come on, let's not leave wifey all alone in the kitchen to slave over dinner." He laughed and walked back out and over to the bar, hopping onto a stool again.

Die carefully put his stuff away again and then nodded. "I'll... I'll see what I can do." He smiled softly, giving Kyo a brief hug before they left the room.

Kaoru had put a can of peas in a pot on the back burner and was currently heating oil to fry the chicken breasts in. He'd cut then in half, width wise, and then again down through the middle, so that they would cook faster. He looked up and brushed flour off his hands after breading the meat. "Sugar, would you mind throwing a salad together real quick while I finish this up? It should only be another five or ten minutes and we should be ready to eat."

When Kaoru asked him to do the salad, he left Kyo at the bar and headed around to wash his hands and start pulling out all the fixings for a good salad. "Any objections to anything in your salad, Kyo?"

Kyo shook his head. "I'm pretty easy to please." He watched Kaoru at work, finding it amusing that he seemed so at ease cooking all this, and able to throw it all together so easily. The macaroni and cheese in the oven was starting to smell like heaven. The chicken didn't take long to fry up and Kaoru put it all on a plate with some paper towels folded under it to soak up the extra grease. Turning off the burners and giving the peas a stir, he pulled the mac 'n' cheese out of the oven and set it on some pot holders on the counter next to the chicken and the bowl of already mashed potatoes, which still had the skins mixed in and pieces of roasted garlic. He pulled down three plates and got forks and knives and three bowls, opening the fridge and reaching for a bottle of white wine.

He held it up and pointed to it. "Kyo, would you like a glass?" The blonde nodded and Kaoru opened the bottle, reaching for glasses. "Baby?" he asked Die, reaching for a third glass.

Die tossed the salad together, mixing various greens, some broccoli, carrots, tomato, and cucumber. Then he added in some croutons and sunflower seeds. Once he was done, he pulled out the dressings: Blue Cheese, Italian, and Ranch. He placed them all out on the counter and then glanced over at Kaoru. "Ah... yeah, please."

Kaoru poured three healthy glasses and handed them to each of them, then took a little sip, picking up a plate. "I think that's it." He loaded up a plate with chicken, peas, potatoes, and an extra-large helping of mac 'n' cheese, setting it in front of Kyo, who blushed to be treated to dinner like this, homemade and everything, murmuring a soft, "Thank you." Kaoru set a fork and knife in front of him under a paper napkin, winking. "No problem." He set a bowl and Die's salad up on the counter beside him and then started fixing Die a plate.

Die chose the Ranch dressing and made himself a bowl of salad first, then creating both Kyo's and Kaoru's. He settled at the end of the bar, leaning on his arms while he waited on the rest. As he'd said, he was standing rather than sitting.

Kaoru put Die's plate in front of the other bar stool, giving Die a look before making his own plate. "Sit, baby. I don't mind standing." 

Kyo cut his eyes from one to the other, reaching for the bleu cheese and pouring some on his salad.

Die puffed out his cheeks, took his plate and moved off to stand where he had been. "You made dinner, you sit. I mean it." He eyed Kaoru and then poured the ranch on his salad before putting the dressing back on the counter.

Kaoru eyed him some more, then sort of grinned, pouring ranch on his salad as well, then setting his plate at the spot in front of the second bar stool, going around the counter to sit, kissing Die's cheek on the way. He hoisted himself up next to Kyo, mixing the dressing into his salad with his fork, looking at Kyo, who was tucking in something fierce, like he hadn't eaten in weeks. "...Good?"

Kyo groaned, nodding. "I haven't eaten a home-cooked meal in _years_ , this is _amazing_!"

Die arched an eyebrow at Kyo. "Seriously? Years?" He glanced at Kaoru. "Good thing you professed your undying want for mac 'n' cheese then, huh?" He laughed.

Kyo shrugged a little. "It might be a mild exaggeration, but I sure as hell can't cook, and it's not like I have a family to go home to on the weekends that cooks for me." He thought about it. "Every now and again, venues provide food, and some of it's made by the staff, but not like this... this is some seriously delicious stuff."

Kaoru blushed. "Ah, thank you... I'm glad you like it."

"I think we needa make a lot of food while you're here, then." Die smiled softly, digging into the breaded, fried chicken breast.

Kaoru stirred his peas and potatoes together, then cut off a bit of chicken and speared it with his fork, scooping some of the peas and potatoes mix up with it. "I didn't do half bad," he mused, taking a bit of salad next. He hummed, sipping wine to wash it down. "Baby, you are officially the salad maker of this house from now on."

Die laughed. "Hey, I lived off of ramen and salad for years. I learned how to make it not taste like a lawn."

Kyo choked a little when he started laughing at that, coughing into his hand and sipping wine, his shoulders shaking a little as he laughed. 

Kaoru just rolled his eyes, smiling, continuing to eat. A few silent moments passed of just forks scraping plates and eating. 

After Kyo finally slowed down a little, half his plate gone, he took a gulp of wine and sat back for a moment. "So... what are the chances we could go out tonight? Like to a club or a bar or something? I don't ever get to go out except New York and LA and all the gays there are like fucking clones and take one look at me and think ‘too short, too different, and probably has a little dick.’ I want to see what real American boys are like."

It was Die's turn to choke when Kyo said people thought he had a little dick. That was the most laughable thing he'd heard in a long time.

"Well... there's this one club I've been wanting to go to downtown. Just... didn't see the point since I have Kaoru and all." He smiled at him across the counter, then flicked his eyes back to Kyo. "But I love a good excuse to get drunk and stupid."

Kaoru huffed dramatically at that, though it was clear he was joking around. "You two owe me; that means I have to drive." He shrugged a little, though, finished the last bite of potatoes. "Yeah, that sounds good. You're talking about that multi-story place with the outdoor bar?"

Die nodded. "Yeah, that one. And Kaoru... it's called a cab, man. There is no point in it unless we can all get smashed." He grinned. "There's even a friggin' pool and hot tubs in there, Kaoru." It was clear he'd been doing his research. Of course, the pool was shallow and from the pictures, completely lit in neon with servers everywhere so they could make sure idiots didn't drown while drunk. "And there's usually a live band from ten to midnight." He bounced on his feet a little.

Kaoru gave another little roll of his eyes as he picked at his salad. 

Kyo was already looking as excited as a kid at Christmas. 

"Don't you have to work in the morning?" Kaoru asked in a way that was clear he had conceded to go, and take a cab instead of being the DD.

Kyo actually clapped. "Ahahaha, yes! Do you know how impossible it is for me to just go out and have a good time in Japan? Fucking impossible. Not to mention, I can't go to gay bars 'cause my label would drop me if anyone ever found out."

Die snorted a little. "I could give a rat's ass about them right now, to be honest." He had never shown up to work hung over and they could kiss his fucking ass right then. He ate some of the salad and then some of the mac 'n' cheese, finishing off half of his portion before going to put the rest in a Tupperware container for later.

Kyo got up and made himself seconds, complimenting Kaoru's cooking again as the older man got down from the stool and went to wash his plate, making sure Kyo had had plenty before putting away what was left of the food to pack for Die's lunch tomorrow. He did dishes once he'd cleared everything away, humming a little to himself. "Die, do you know if there's any kind of dress code for that club?" Some places tried to be more exclusive by setting a dress code, which was usually really just an excuse for not letting unattractive or empty-pocketed people in. 

Kyo finished his food and wine, taking the glass and plate over to the sink and shoving Kaoru out of the way, towards his lover, finishing off the rest of the dishes.

Kaoru blinked at him, but let it go, seeing the smirk on Kyo's lips. Instead, he grabbed Die around the waist, just hugging onto him.

"It says no tank tops, no flip-flops, and all swim attire must be under other clothing." He shrugged a little. "Not much else other than that, but when I drove by, it was kind of obvious they were letting really sexy looking people in first." He leaned into Kaoru's touch, his eyes dark as he looked over at his lover.

"Well, then, we shouldn't have any problem getting in." He snickered a little and laid his head on Die's shoulder, rubbing his back. "I guess we could unwind and then start getting ready in an hour or so? Three fags in one bathroom getting ready to go out to the clubs... this is going to be classic, I can tell." Kyo shot a little glare Kaoru's way, but didn't say anything, just putting the last few clean dishes in the rack and drying his hands.

"Thank you for dinner. Both of you." 

Kaoru hummed something that sounded like, "You're welcome.”

Die snorted. "I'll say..." he glanced at Kyo. "If you wanna borrow anything, you're welcome to it if I have it. I think we're about the same size around." He hugged Kaoru again lightly before he moved past Kyo, fingertips lightly brushing his shoulder as he passed, heading for the bedroom.

Kyo nodded. "Mmkay. I don't have anything swim related. I think I'm a little bit smaller than you, but I also have more of an ass." 

Kaoru couldn't hold back the laugh, trying to cut it short. He followed Die into the bedroom and started digging around in his underwear drawer, finding three different pairs of swim trunks; dark green ones with white stripes down the sides that came to his knees, a tight, tight black pair that was almost a Speedo, and what looked like boxer-briefs, but designed like swim trunks in a dark gold color with violet trim. He laid them on the bed and then started to look through clothes.

Kyo leaned in the doorway of their bedroom. "Do we want to pre-game a lot, since we know we're taking a cab?"

Die nodded, going and digging through his stuff as well. He found a pair of tight black swim trunks that had a drawstring in the front (and a pouch for his packer sewn in the front), and a pair of extremely tight, obnoxiously gay speedo-material boxer brief-looking trunks that had a beach sunset and palm trees on them. He laid those out as well, glancing over at Kyo. "Secret alcohol stash is in the cabinet next to the fridge. Rum, vodka, cherry vodka, and whiskey. Beer's in the fridge."

Kyo looked at the colorful pair of colorful trunks. "Oh goodness... Yeah, I'm gonna go make sure I'm really buzzed." He walked off and Kaoru laughed, throwing his weight onto his hip and looking at the three pairs of trunks on the bed. "Which ones, baby?" He thought for a second then added, "Should I model them for you?" with a little blush.

Die clapped. "Oh yes... model for me, baby. And _don't_ close the door," he added with a glimmer in his eyes. He headed over to their closet, starting to root around, trying to figure out if he was going for 'sexy boy' or 'fucking fabulously gay'.

Kaoru went pink for a moment, and then started to strip, tossing his clothes off towards the hamper. When he was down to his boxers, he gave a little sigh and then just shucked them, pulling on the long green pair first. "Eh?" he asked, turning around. "There's nothing really cute about these...maybe if I start to feel self-conscious at the last second, I'll wear them. More coverage." He took them off and then pulled on the tight, tiny black pair just to amuse Die; there was no way in hell he was wearing this in public. His dick, even though he was more of a grower and average size even when hard, looking stuffed into the stretchy fabric, and his runner's ass looked like too balloons stuffed into a slingshot. "...I think it's cutting off circulation."

Die peered out at the first one. "Conservative," he murmured before he poked his head back into the closet. He still hadn't made a decision when he looked out at the next pair. "If you ever want to seduce me without trying, wear those." He smirked before poking his head back in the closet. "So are we doing fucking fabulously gay or just sexy?" he asked loud enough he hoped Kyo could hear as well.

Kyo shouted back from the kitchen, where he was pouring some cherry vodka with 7Up, "I don't do fabulously gay, we're going for sexy!" Kaoru laughed, shrugging.

"I guess that means we're going for sexy." He pulled off the super tight bottoms, muttering, "I think my dick was suffocating," just as Kyo walked back, sipping his drink. They both looked at each other sort of wide-eyed and then went about their business, completely ignoring each other, Kaoru putting on the last pair of trunks and Kyo leaning in the door again, flipping his bangs out of his eyes.

"I guess I'm required to model, as well," he mumbled, looking over Kaoru in the tight shorts, approving of them. Without really caring - after all, the couple had sucked his cock together just a few months before - he stripped down and pulled on the obnoxiously bright pair. "Opinions?" he asked, turning around. His body was all lean, cut lines, his legs a little skinny, but otherwise, his form was near perfection. His tattoos were simply an added bonus, complimenting his muscle tone, working with it.

Kaoru did his best not to drool, unable to help his reply of, "I could bounce a roll of quarters off your ass..."

Die peered back out of the closet, holding a pair of tight black leather pants. He blinked at Kyo and Kaoru, both of them in only swimwear and he silently began thanking whatever god had created these two and put them in the same fucking room in very little clothing. He let out somewhat of a choked moan, looking between them before he slapped his free hand over his mouth, blushing.

Kyo's eyes darkened and he gave the faintest hint of a smile. Kaoru just licked his lips and stared at Die purposefully, then put the other two pieces of swimwear back into his dresser. 

Kyo picked up his clothes and stepped back out of the room. "I'm going to take a quick shower, you two go ahead and fuck while I'm in there so you don't get drunk and start boning in public." 

Kaoru's jaw dropped, but Kyo was already in the guest room, digging out his toiletries bag and then heading into the bathroom.

Die grinned at Kyo's suggestion. "Mm... who says we won't anyway?" he asked, though his hands were already ripping off his shirt and pushing down his pants. The way he advanced on Kaoru made it rather clear he fully intended to do whatever he wanted to him. A moment later, he was shoving Kaoru down on the bed, crawling over him, completely naked. His fingers curled in Kaoru's hair, yanking his head back as he licked up his lover's throat. "You're gonna fuck me until I scream... aren't you?" It wasn't really a question.

Kaoru gasped, shocked by Die's actions, just letting it happen. At the tug to his hair, his dick twitched, starting to get hard. He swallowed thickly and gave a little stutter. "I don't think I really have a choice."

Die's fingers trailed down Kaoru's throat, slowly scraping along the flesh until he got all the way to his lover's swim trunks. His hand slipped under, grasping his dick and stroking him, his hot breath teasing Kaoru's ear. "All..." he licked the lobe, "you ever," a soft nip, "have to say," his fingers tugged at Kaoru's dick, "is no."

Kaoru let out a loud, surprised moan as Die started to stroke him, twitching and responding to his touch accordingly. "I can't say no to you..." He tugged at Die's hair, hissing a little. "Lay over the edge of the bed." He tossed Die off of him and stood, pushing the swim wear down his legs and kicking it off into a corner, pulling open the drawer on his night stand and pulling out a bottle of lube, pouring some in his hand and then jerking off with it, looking at Die. "Any particular requests?"

Die gasped when Kaoru pushed him off. He rolled off the bed, standing up and then moving close to the bed. He slowly slid his torso onto the bed, sticking his ass up in the air, wiggling it a little. "Mmm... do it fast and hard, baby... and loud." He gave the bed a dirty little smirk.

The sound of the shower starting made Kaoru realize they had to be fast, he slid up behind Die and slapped his ass, hard, before rubbing the head of his dick against his lover's slit. "Do you want it in your pussy or your ass?" he asked, more just to tease, rubbing his dick along the underside of his lover's own.

"Surprise me," Die choked out, halfway through a moan for the slap on his ass. He shivered, spreading his legs more.

Giving a shrug, figuring it was easier and cleaner - not to mention he figured he had limited time with it and he might as well not waste it - he shoved into Die's tight cunt, giving a few hard, deep thrusts, sinking all the way in. He gave it a moment for Die to adjust, and then started fucking him as hard as he could, grabbing onto his hips and grunting almost savagely, ramming his cock into his lover.

Die cried out loudly when Kaoru shoved into him. He shuddered. "Oh _fuck_!" he cried out, his muscles bunching to try to keep him in one place. "Oh god... oh, Kaoru... Jesus... fuck!" He clawed at the bed, starting to move back against him, fucking himself on Kaoru's dick, keeping the pace with him.

Determined to get Die off, and fast, Kaoru didn't relent, keeping pace, smacking his ass over and over, leaving pink marks behind. He thrust so rigorously he slipped out several times, having to stop for a moment and slip back in, picking up his pace again. After a while, he needed different leverage than holding onto Die's hips. He reached forward and grabbed his lover just below the elbow, pulling his arm back, then grabbed the other one, using Die sort of as a counter-balance to his own weight, giving their shared thrusts more a bounce, feeling even deeper.

The moment Kaoru changed the position, Die started crying out like crazy. He screamed out over and over, the little spasms starting deep inside his body, spreading outward in an intense fire that he knew would explode rather suddenly... and soon. His eyes rolled back in his head.

Kaoru could hardly stand it with Die getting louder and louder. He lost himself in the tight heat squeezing around his dick and he worked as hard as he could, feeling like he was melting into Die, and then he was cumming. His hips hardly faltered, he just kept thrusting, and bliss crashed through his body as he filled Die with the spoils of his desire, biting his bottom lip ragged.

The moment Die felt Kaoru starting to cum, he shoved one hand down under himself, rubbing his palm over his lady dick until the fire exploded inside him. He came with a loud cry of Kaoru's name, shuddering with the force of his orgasm.

Kaoru finally stopped when he knew Die was done, stumbling backwards a bit as he moved to pull out, panting and sort of laughing under his breath. "Shit. I have to admit, I love hearing my name that loud."

Die just fell on the bed, shivering and kind of curling up. "Hnngggg," he informed, rubbing against the comforter.

Kaoru nearly fell over, his legs feeling like jelly, as he went to the hamper and grabbed the towel from his shower the night before, mopping up between Die's legs and cleaning himself off before turning his lover over and kissing him soundly.

Die spread his legs for Kaoru to clean him up, turning over and clutching at Kaoru's arms, pulling him closer and kissing him soundly. "Hnn... baby..." he whispered softly.

Cupping Die's jaw, he mewled against his mouth, licking the seam of his lips. He kissed Die a little harder and then pulled away. "What do you think, should I shave the mustache off before going out tonight?"

Die gently ran his fingers over Kaoru's mustache. "Mmm... I think it's your face, baby." He pecked his lips again before he tilted his head toward the shower. "Awful long shower he's taking, hmm?" He gave Kaoru a naughty look and then laughed, kissing his lover again.

Kaoru pursed his lips while Die ran his finger over the facial hair and then rolled his eyes at his lover's comment. As if on cue, the shower cut off and there were little splashing sounds of Kyo wringing his hair out. Kaoru turned his attention back to his lover and kissed him in return. "It might be my face, but you're the one up in it all the time. Does it feel funny when I kiss you, or do you kind of like it?"

Die pulled a face at Kaoru. "It friggin' tickles," he murmured in English before sighing, switching back to Japanese. "And when you go down on me with it, it bugs... a lot. But I'm more than willing to let you keep it if it's what you want, baby."

Kaoru pouted comically. "Baby doesn't like my man-stache?!" He pecked Die's lips again and then got up, hearing Kyo leave the bathroom and pad into the guest room. "Come on, our turn." He tugged Die to his feet and darted out of the room and into the bathroom, steamed up from Kyo's shower. He closed the door and started the water up again, glad they had a good water heater and wouldn't have to worry about it getting cold.

Die followed a little slower, flicking his eyes toward the guest room door, hoping they hadn't disturbed Kyo too badly. He slipped inside the bathroom before Kaoru shut the door, snagging his extra-manly-scented shower gel before he got in the shower. "You know... it'll be the first time I've been out without a shirt if I get in the pool or hot tub." He ran a hand over his chest. "Is it... too obvious?" He looked genuinely worried.

Kaoru stepped under the spray and started washing his hair. "No, baby. Really, it's hardly there, anymore. And with dark lighting and everybody drunk? Yeah, no one will notice, I promise."

Die nodded a little, trying hard to take Kaoru's word for it. He started working up a lather with the sponge, humming to himself under his breath while he started scrubbing.

Kaoru rinsed his hair and then switched places with Die to let him rinse off while he lathered himself up and conditioned his hair. "This should be interesting at the very least..." he mused aloud. "If Kyo found somebody to hook up with, would you let him go home with them? Or you would you make them come back here?"

Die gave Kaoru a very odd look. "I'm not his keeper. Why would I dictate what he wanted to do?"

Kaoru gave Die a little look back. "He's probably going to be really drunk, in a city he doesn't know, and his English isn't exactly fool-proof. I mean, before Sita met Ramesh, I always made sure that if she was going to fuck someone from the bar, she wasn't too drunk and she didn't take him back to her place. I looked out for her." He shrugged. "I mean, Kyo can take care of himself, but still."

Die hadn't really thought about it that way. He worried his lip a little. "I... well... do you think he'd take it wrong if I told him to bring whoever it was back here?" He furrowed his brows, a little worried.

Kaoru lifted one thin shoulder. "I think he'd know you were looking out for him." He leaned into Die, kissing his chin, then moved under the water to rinse off again. "Besides, I know you a little too well by now, baby. You'd totally want to hear him get fucked if you had the chance." His eyes sparkled with teasing mirth and he wrung his hair out, getting all the conditioner out of it.

Die rinsed off before he reached for the shampoo. A faint dusting of pink washed over his cheeks and he laughed. "Well... _duh_ ," he informed Kaoru with a laugh. "I'm a total perv."

"Oh, I know." Kaoru stepped out of the shower, standing on the bathmat to let himself drip-dry for a minute and then grabbing a towel from off the counter and putting it around his waist. He wiped the mirror of the fog and lathered some shaving cream on his face, leaving his mustache, but getting rid of the bit of stubble he'd had coming in. When he was done, he towel-dried his hair, trying to decide how to dress tonight.

Die finished up with his shower, getting out and following in Kaoru's footsteps, shaving and then deodorizing and even applying a little bit of black eyeliner before he styled and dried his hair real well. After a few minutes, he emerged, heading into the bedroom after Kaoru, pulling on the black swim trunks and inserting his packer very carefully. "Does it bother you?" he asked, almost absently.

Kaoru had his swim trunks on and was practically having to pour himself into a pair of purple skinny jeans. "Does what bother me, pumpkin?" he asked, genuinely confused.

Die was quiet for a long moment before he started tugging on the leather pants. "That I'm such a pervert," he murmured, practically under his breath. He straightened once he had the pants over his legs, pulling them up and all the way on. He disappeared into the closet, pulling out a red silk shirt that matched his hair, bringing it back out.

Kaoru frowned a little, sitting down and pulling on a tight white t-shirt, putting a black suit vest on over it. "Sometimes," he admitted. "But it's better than you being a prude."

Die was happy for once that he had his back turned when Kaoru admitted what he did. He closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed hard. At that moment, he vowed to put headphones in before bed that night and to clean out his stupid collection of toys for good this time. He didn't like things bothering Kaoru, especially not things about his sexuality. "I'm sorry," he murmured quietly. 

He carefully buttoned up his shirt, moving to look in the mirror over his dresser. Too much... too loud. He'd stick out like a sore thumb. Sighing, he unbuttoned it and pulled it off, going back to the closet. He'd wanted to be loud and drunken and perverted all night, but now he knew he'd have to be quiet and somber and hidden from the public eye. Besides... he knew Kaoru hated public displays, so why did he always want to push him into it?

He hung the shirt back up and dug around until he found the plainest black button-up shirt he owned. He pulled that out and then dug around until he found a pair of baggy black jeans. He laid those on the bed and carefully took off the tight leather. Hanging that back in the closet as well, he pulled on the jeans first and then the shirt.

With that done, he got a pair of black socks and tugged those on as well. He left off any jewelry and headed back to the bathroom, quietly shutting the door and locking it before he went about removing the eye makeup and trying to flatten his hair down without having to wash it again.

Silently, he stared in the mirror, the water running into the sink. Why did he have to ask questions he didn't like the answers to? He gave a tiny little huff of a bitter laugh before he shut off the water and tried to make himself look perfectly okay. Exiting the bathroom, he headed off to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass full of whiskey and downing most of it in one go.

All Kaoru could do was just sit on the bed and watch Die change into something plain and unflattering. He could feel his lover's mood change, dropping, and he felt like an asshole. He sat and berated himself mentally for a good long while and then got up, going to pour himself a drink as well, tossing it back. He set the glass down with a quiet rattle, not looking at Die when he asked, "Why do we do this to each other?"

Die had finished his first whiskey before he moved on to his second by the time Kaoru came in. He just shrugged, pouring Kaoru another one as well before he leaned over the counter. "Damned if I know... why do I always fuck things up? We were happy and I had to go and ask a fool question..." he shrugged, "and now I know what I didn't want to know in the first place." He gave a bitter laugh before he tossed back the second drink and poured a third.

He headed for the front porch, hoping Kaoru would follow and that it would be far enough away for Kyo to not have to put up with his emotions. Once they were outside, he lit his cigarette and shoved the pack and lighter in his pocket. "It's my fault though... I'm the idiot who's got too much sexual energy or some shit." He ran a hand over his hair, once again trying to squash it down. Silently, he debated telling Kaoru that he was contemplating no longer taking his testosterone. The only problem was, if they found out he'd gone off of it, they wouldn't let him have his last surgery. But on the plus side, it would stop this madness and kill of his desire for sex. He was sure at least he'd be willing to let Kaoru have his way when he wanted to and maybe that would be good enough to stop these pathetic arguments. But he also knew if he told Kaoru of such a plan, he'd object, probably having had enough friends who knew shit about the surgeries or something.

He downed the final drink, putting the glass down on the table before he took another drag from his cigarette. "I really am sorry, Kaoru... I'm more sorry than you can imagine that I can't just... stop being so overly sexual."

At first Kaoru was upset, and then, as he followed his lover out onto the porch, he just felt angry. He pushed his hands back through his damp hair, trying to suppress a growl. "I feel like I can't even talk to you. Why is it always all or nothing? You think I never want to have sex with you? That's ridiculous, Die. Do I think your sex drive wears me out sometimes? Yeah, but I do my best to please you because I fucking _love_ you and I want to make this _work_. But I feel like every time we hit a little bump, you want to give up, you always take on every bit of burden and decide it's best to cut yourself off from something." He was doing good to not be yelling just then, though his voice was slightly raised. "I don't want to change you, Die. I just accept your flaws, because that's what people do when they love someone."

Die let Kaoru have his say before he just shook his head and turned to look down at the yard. "I don't think you _never_ want to have sex with me. And if you think you don't satisfy me, you're wrong. Just because I can want it again faster doesn't make me unsatisfied." He took in a deep breath, trying hard not to let the fact that he just wanted to go and cry again show too much. "I don't want to give up. If I wanted to fucking give up, I wouldn't be here right now, Kaoru!" He finally turned to look at him, his face a mask of hurt. "But it's my own damn fault I am the way I am. I have ways at my disposal to solve all of it and yet I'm too stuck in my own personal wants and desires to realize I could make everything perfect if I just-" he stopped and shut his mouth, shaking his head.

Another draw from his cigarette and he tossed it in the ashtray. "I hate that _I_ am the cause of this and almost every single other argument we've ever had. Ninety percent of the time it's over my stupid sex drive. I _hate_ it. I hate that I put you out all the time and I hate that I have sex on the brain almost twenty-four-seven. And more than all of that, I hate that I make you upset, Kaoru. I love you and I want you to be happy, not always having to argue with me because I'm some big ol' perverted asshole." He reached out one hand, gently running it down Kaoru's cheek. "I just want to stop fighting...."

It was as if all of Die's words had taken away Kaoru's. All he could do was stand there, gripping the porch railing, torn between wanting to scream and cry. The touch was almost unwanted at that point. Some monster had climbed between them when they weren't looking and was eating the love between them alive. He crossed his arms over his chest, then hugged himself. "I want you to be honest right now." He couldn't look at Die's face, staring at the floor, instead. "Really think about it if you have to, don't just tell me what you want to be true. Are you happy with me? Do you really want to keep doing this for probably another few years? Because you seem fucking miserable right now and I feel like that's me doing this to you."

Die pulled his hand back, feeling like he'd had some icy barrier shoved between him and Kaoru all of a sudden. The words were like an arrow through his heart. He stared at him, his mouth hanging open and tears cascading down his cheeks, completely unchecked. He let out a choked sob before he shook his head. "I don't want to break up, Kaoru... I want to be with you. You're the only person I've ever loved." Swiping at the tears, he stumbled back against the wall of the house, hitting the chair closest to the door on accident, causing him to end up on his ass on the ground. "Look... I hate my fucking job, okay? I hate everything in my damn life except you and Kyo. And I'm sorry if sometimes that makes you two the only thing holding me together."

Bowing his head, he finally whispered out, "They threw me a party the other day... a fake party. It was after work and at the bar next door. I got invited over for one drink before I went home and it turns out they made a party for me being a big ol' flaming faggot." He looked up at Kaoru, the tears streaming down his cheeks. "I didn't wanna tell you... I knew you'd be mad... and I just... it's my own problem," he whispered out before his voice broke completely.

Kaoru was completely floored by the confession. He stood, frozen, watching Die fall, dumbstruck. After a few seconds of silence, he finally moved, getting down on the porch next to Die and wrapping him in his arms. "Baby... I'm so sorry. I don't mean to get so frustrated, I just... you shut down on me and I don't know what to do! Tell me what happened... and then tomorrow you're going to HR and telling them the same thing." He held Die close, rubbing his arm. "Tell HR. I'm serious." He kissed Die's hair. "Why in the hell would anyone do that?" It was of course rhetorical. He sighed, squeezing his lover's bicep. "Now... go put the leather pants back on." He managed a smile, getting up and giving Die a hand.

Die shook his head. "I don't know... but they did it off work property... I don't think they can do anything, Kaoru." He accepted the hand up, sniffing and wiping his eyes again. He didn't argue about the pants even though he felt like he still shouldn't wear them. Quietly, he trudged off toward the bedroom.

"It doesn't matter, I'd still bring it up." Kaoru locked the front door and went to sit on the bed. "This place is Seung's old hangout, so I need you looking on your A game just in case if he's there I can show his ass up that I've got someone ten times hotter now." He blew a little raspberry, grinning.

Die glanced over at Kaoru and then nodded a little. "Yeah... okay." He took his stuff back out of his pockets, putting it on the bed before taking the jeans off and finding his leather pants again, pulling them back on. Slowly, he unbuttoned his shirt, trying to steel himself a little before he shrugged out of it and grabbed the red silk shirt again. Wiping at his face, he headed past Kaoru and back into the bathroom, feeling like a fool. As he redid his makeup, he thought really hard about being sorry if Kyo heard any of that shit, hoping the other would pick up on it. Exiting the restroom, he went back into the bedroom and put his junk back in his pants pockets and then moved to put on a couple silver necklaces, a really pretty ring, and his black leather wrist-band from earlier.

Kaoru put on a green leather cuff and a rose gold necklace, the big amber ring on his left middle finger. He slipped up behind Die while he lover was putting on jewelry, kissing the side of his neck. "You look fantastic... I'll have to beat guys off you with a stick." He hugged Die a little and then went to the bathroom to put on just a little eyeliner and some moss green eye shadow, just enough to have some shimmer with a hint of color, but nothing that looks like he was obviously wearing makeup. 

Kyo popped into the bathroom wearing a pair of pinstripe black pants that fit him like a glove and made his legs look long, carrying a blow dryer. "Is it okay if I come in?" Kaoru nodded, moving out of the way and fixing his own hair, now mostly dry, brushing it out and pulling half of it up into a ponytail, his bangs slipping out and framing his face.

Die moved back toward the bathroom, leaning against the bathroom door frame. He studied them both for a long moment before silently moving away, going to the kitchen and pouring himself another glass of whiskey. He sipped at it this time, coming back with two more glasses for Kyo and Kaoru. "Should I call the cab?" he asked quietly.

Kyo stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes at Die the first time he leaned in the doorway, brushing out his hair with a large round brush, then turning on the blow dryer, starting to style it. He thanked Die for the drink, Kaoru picking his up and then spraying on a little cologne, looking himself over, turning his head every which way. "Do I look okay?" 

Kyo scoffed a little in response and Kaoru smacked him a little, both of them laughing. He picked up his glass and leaned to give Die a little kiss. "Yeah, that sounds good, so long as Blondie doesn't take forever doing his hair."

Kyo looked shocked. "Hey! I just take pride in my appearance!" He went back to it, putting a far side-part in his hair and flipping it out the ends a little. Pulling some moisturizer out of his bag, he rubbed down his face and neck, finally putting some lotion on his tattoos, which spanned all the way up his arms: a dragon sleeve on one, and a collection of random, beautiful, disturbing art pieces all down his other arm, extending onto his hand, a kitsune on his hip, clearly done, at closer inspection, with a single needle, in the traditional tattoo style, the art looking sort of stippled. Rather than cologne, he had a small bottle of oil that it dabbed on his finger and then rubbed between his wrists and smeared under his jawline before going to put his blow dryer back in his suitcase and pull on a worn cotton t-shirt, a muted blue-grey color, with some obscure print of an 80s Goth band album cover on it. The design was forgettable considering the way the fabric clung to and fitted against his muscle tone, easily displaying, in a teasingly hinting manner, that though he was petite, he had a fantastic and strong body.

Die smiled softly, moving off away from the blow dryer sounds to make the call for the cab. They said ten to fifteen minutes and he said that was fine. After hanging up, he went to see if Kyo was done, pausing in the doorway to the bedroom. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out except a tiny whine. If he'd had a dick, it would have sprung instant wood at the way Kyo's damn shirt fit. Blushing something awful, he stared at the floor. "Cab's comin'," he muttered out before turning around and going right back to the kitchen.

Kyo was turned away from Die, grabbing money and his ID - his American one that read _Nishimura, Tooru_ and had a photo of him with short bronzey hair - and stuffing them in his pockets along with his phone. He smirked, knowing Die was turned on by him, but tried not to think anything of it. After the whole webcam fiasco, he doubted there was any chance there might be another threesome in their future. He nodded about the cab and then walked out into the parlor, sipping his drink and standing with a hand on his hip. "My English goes from decent to unintelligible when I'm drunk. Will you two make sure I don't start any fights with harmless misunderstanding once my language skills start to suffer?"

Kaoru burst out laughing. "My accent gets really thick when I'm drunk, we'll be in the same boat."

"I'll take care of language issues," Die replied, making sure to stare at the counter rather than look up at Kyo or Kaoru. "By the way, Kyo... if you decide to hook up with someone... bring them back here." He blushed a little. "So you don't get all lost or... something... please."

Kyo blinked before his face split into a huge grin. "Okay. I was kind of already dashing the hopes of getting laid tonight, but, alright." He shrugged. "Then again, like I said, most American guys don't seem to find me attractive, so, I might still be out of luck." He shrugged like it didn't bother him and finished his drink, feeling a little buzzed now. He dumped the ice cubes into the sink and washed his glass, setting it in the drain board. 

Kaoru did the same before tugging Die out of the house, making sure he had everything, and sat on the porch to smoke a cigarette while they waited on a cab. Kyo went and grabbed his black and white checkered Vans and then laughed when he carried them out on the porch to see that Kaoru was doing the same thing to the same style of shoes. The both sort of shrugged at each other and Kyo stood smoking, shifting from foot-to-foot.

Die grinned. He thought real hard at Kyo to be loud, so he didn't have to say it out loud. He coughed a little and washed out his own glass before he slipped out on the back porch. He selected a pair of platform boots and pulled them on, lacing them up and then putting his pants back where they belonged. He wandered off to the front porch, leaning on the railing while he stared to smoke another cigarette.

Kyo shook he was trying so hard not to laugh, barely managing. He checked his email on his phone quickly, regretting it the second he'd done so; his agent had sent a rather bitchy message that he needed to take his career a little more seriously and not go disappear for a week to have fun when he should be working on new material, practicing, socializing with other musicians and blogging to raise hype. His mood dipped a little and he deleted the email without replying, glad he was going out. This week away would help him feel like he was out from under her - and his management's - thumb for a while, to feel like he was just an average twenty-something with a life and not just a career.

Kaoru stood up and walked over to Die, sucking on his ear for a second. "If guys hit on you, it's okay to milk it. You deserve the praise. Just make sure you're coming home with me, kay?" The last part wasn't serious, said more in a sweet manner that made it clear Kaoru knew nothing else would happen. He tossed his hair a little, leaning back to look at Die. "Also, there is no down side to free drinks."

Die glanced over at Kaoru when he started to speak to him. After a few moments, he just laughed, shaking his head. "I don't think you'd enjoy seeing guys hit on me, Kaoru." He already knew how possessive Kaoru was and he somehow didn't think the other really wanted to see anyone hit on him, much less a bunch of someones. But then... free drinks did seem a hell of a lot better than paying for them all night.

"I won’t," Kaoru admitted, "but the hotter they are, the better I'll feel that they're really just getting you drunk so that you can choose to want me, instead." He smirked and looked up as he heard a car coming down the road, a cab pulling up at the curb just in front of the brick stairs up to the street. He patted Die's ass and walked up to it, getting into the back seat and giving the driver the address to the club, Kyo following and looking at Die, wondering who should get stuck in the middle.

Die grinned at him. "Yeah... okay... same to you, baby. Okay?" He bit his lip and headed down the stairs after them. His fingers gently skirted over Kyo's waist before he slid into the cab, accepting the middle seat to squish him between his two favorite men.

Kaoru put his arm over Die's shoulders, Kyo sliding in after the redhead, closing the door and leaning back as they started off. The cabbie was the neglectful type, which was usually best, anyway, just minding his business and doing his job, driving them to the club.

**To Be Continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading, maybe let me know how you think it's going? I hate to ask, but some pretty serious shit went down in this chapter and I just would like to know the reactions from people reading. Thank you in advance.


	39. Chapter 38

Title: White Lies  
Kyo leaned into Die a little, closing his eyes, a gold glow filling his vision whenever they passed under a street lamp. "I'm little, therefore a light weight. I'm already feeling kind of tipsy..."

Die chuckled, putting his arms around both of them. "I think I've got the most tolerance, guys. But I'm like... three drinks ahead of you both." He laughed. "Mmm... we all gotta make sure we leave together, yeah?"

Kyo leaned up, blinking at him. "Well, of course, yeah! Oh, another thing, please don't let me start taking my clothes off. It's a bad habit when I get really lit." 

Kaoru snickered quietly on his side of the car and Kyo reached across Die and thumped him, starting a play fight around the redhead in the middle with slapping and giggling.

Die snorted. "You think I'm gonna stop anyone from taking their clothing off? You're wrong." He leaned back out of the way, letting them slap each other around while he snickered at them. "Children... behave." He snorted again.

Kaoru put himself back on his side of Die and Kyo just giggled, snorting a little, then covering his nose with his hand and giggling more. Kaoru put his hand on Die's thigh, squeezing it a little.

Die shook his head, laughing. "Jesus, you two. You'll have to behave to get in the club, you know."

Kyo gave an exaggerated pout, Kaoru feigning shock. "I'm behaved!" They looked at each other and burst out laughing again.

Die rolled his eyes and laughed. "Good thing I'm getting trashed tonight, too!" he announced.

Kyo shut up, excited about going out. He pulled his lip ring into his mouth, sort of sucking on it. He'd put a black ring in it to make it a little more obvious, and had switched out his nose stud for a silver one shaped like a star. There were several plain silver hoops through both of his ears, a spiral of carved bone through the lobe of his left one. He clicked his teeth against the metal in his mouth and then let it go, his bottom lip effectively plumped with blood from worrying at it.

Kaoru rubbed Die's leg and rested his head on his shoulder. "This whole hot-tubbing thing is definitely going to be interesting. That's new since the last time I was there. They just had the pool a few years ago."

Die found himself staring at Kyo while he sucked on his lip ring, lust clear in his dark eyes. There was just something about lip rings that got him all riled up. But it was worse when the person wearing them was hot as hell, sucking on it, and he'd been sexually involved with him before. It took every ounce of restraint he had to peel his eyes off Kyo and instead stare at the seat in front of them. A moment later, Kaoru touched his leg and he smiled, patting his hand softly. "I just wonder how our shit doesn't get run off with."

Kyo was not oblivious to Die's staring, though he acted like he was. It made him smile a little; he couldn't help but have a light pursuit of Die, despite the fact Die was with Kaoru. He wouldn't actively go after Die, he wasn't that much of a prick, but he'd be damned that if anything were to happen between the redhead and his lover - not that Kyo ever wished such a thing - that he wouldn't swoop in and try to provide Die with a little creature comforts.

Kaoru shrugged, leaning up as they got closer to the area where the club was. "I guess there are probably lockers you get keys to or something. That would make the most sense."

Die nodded a bit, keeping his eyes where they belonged - on the seat in front of him - until they were parked across the street from the club and the cabbie was telling them how much they owed. Die pulled out the cash, stuffing it through the slot with a little extra for a tip. "Par-tay!" he announced in English.

Kaoru slid out and smoothed down his hair and then straightened his vest, Kyo getting out behind Die, looking at the club and hearing the beat from inside. He swallowed, rubbing his thumb against the side of his finger. "I... I'm kinda nervous, now..."

Kaoru turned and looked at him, tilting his head. "Why?"

Kyo shook his head. "I don't know... crowds. If I'm not on stage, I kind of... I... they just make me nervous."

Die glanced over at Kyo when he said he was nervous, giving him a tiny frown before tossing an arm over his shoulders. "S'all good. Just stick to us until you're too drunk to care, sweetie." He tossed his other arm over Kaoru's shoulders, looked both ways, and then started to cross the road.

Kaoru looped his arm around Die's waist and Kyo sort of nodded, walking with them. When they got to the door, there was a small line of people waiting to get in, a bouncer at the door waving them in as the small front room where people were given wrist bands and carded and charged cover was empty. Kyo felt his pockets to make sure is ID was still there, waiting until it was their turn and putting enough cash on the counter for all three of them, giving the woman his ID and then put a wrist band on his right arm.

Die let go once they were inside, digging out his ID to show the woman, getting wrist-banded. When Kyo paid, he murmured a soft thanks to the shorter man.

Kaoru got his wrist band and then Kyo pushed through the door into the main room of the club, sliding off to the side to let the other two in and then practically hid behind them. The sudden, pulse of bass through the air and peak in volume made him feel sort of like this was a bad idea. He needed a drink, pronto. 

Kaoru squeezed his arm and tugged him in between him and Die.

Die took Kyo's other arm, gently winding his friend's arm around his own as he led them to the bar. Off to the left lay a rather large dance floor, teaming with people, all of them in various stages of inebriation. A long bar, lit with neon blue lined the entire wall on that end of the club, some areas of it with stools, others with just open area to push to the bar and ask for a drink. On the bar, three dancers moved to the club's music; two women and one man, all in very little clothing. The other end of the club held a huge pool lit with purple from under the water, ringed by three hot tubs. In the center island of the pool, there was a small round bar and a single bartender in it, serving drinks like mad.

The stairs just behind the last hot tub led up to the second floor. People hung over the balconies of the other two stories, waving drinks and singing, some of them dancing in front of the glass. The second level was lit an odd orange color and the top floor flashing white and blue in time with the beat. The top of the club was hung with multiple neon lights, flashing patterns and words in an alternating pattern, some of the words rather adult in nature.

Die slid up to the bar with Kyo and Kaoru, right under one of the gyrating girls. She crouched on the bar, grinning at them. "Whata y'all have tonight?"

Die grinned. "Whiskey, make it a double... and I'm paying for all three of us."

Kaoru leaned on the bar, a little put-off that he was staring at her tits. "Apple martini."

Kyo sort of shifted from foot-to-foot, practically glued to Die's side. "White Russian..." He looked nervous, way nervous.

She jumped down from the bar, quickly making their drinks and then telling Die the total as she passed out the drinks to them all. He pushed the bills to her along with a tip, grinning as he moved Kaoru and Kyo off toward a small table so they could drink in peace. Already his eyes were shining with light, a lovely glimmer.

Kaoru took a seat, sipping his drink, Kyo sitting across from him. He took a healthy drink of his cocktail, crossing his legs and looking around, his shoulders sort of hunched defensively. "This place is fucking huge."

Die glanced at them both. "Get drunk faster, guys." He showed them his glass and then slammed his double shot back. He let out a growl and then laughed, letting the glass thump back down on the table. "Like that, guys. Come on."

Kyo and Kaoru both sort of looked at Die suspiciously, not pounding back their drinks, but turning them slowly up, drinking them down. Kaoru shuddered a little. "Too cold!!!" Kyo laughed, nodding to confirm his, too, had burned going down from the ice. "Alright," Kaoru started, taking their glasses. "If you really want to dive right into drunk, I'll be right back."

He took the glasses back to the bar and disappeared behind the crowd of people for a moment. When he returned, he was carrying a tray over his head, putting it down on the table. There were nine shot glasses on it, separated into three clusters. He passed one of each cluster out in front of them, announcing what they were. "Marker's Mark, Absolut, and Malibu." He sat down and let out a breath like he wasn't so sure this was going to be a good idea. "Okay..." He looked at Die. "God help us, I'm gonna follow your lead."

Die's face split into a huge grin when Kaoru came back with the tray. "Now we're talkin'!" he informed, licking his lips and picking up the Absolut first. He hiked his eyebrows at them, smirking. "On three. One... two... three!" He slammed the shot back and set the glass back on the tray, laughing. "Oh yeah, baby!"

They both followed suit, snapping back the shots. Kyo coughed and put his hand to his throat, making a face. "I hate straight vodka." He set the glass down, far away from him. 

Kaoru laughed and picked up the Maker's Mark. "Fuck it, I'm just gonna go for it..." He threw it back and then picked up the Malibu in his other hand, drinking it down as he put the now empty shot glass of the Maker's Mark back on the table. Three empty glasses now sat in front of him and he shook his head quickly, sort of twitching. "Goddamn!"

Die snickered as he watched Kaoru. Shaking his head, he picked up the Maker's Mark and held it up to Kyo, waiting until he was ready and then slamming it back. Right after he grabbed the Malibu and did the same thing with it. "Oolala... adventure!" he informed them, pushing back from the table and making a circle of it. Once he was back at his spot, he bounced on his feet a little. "Oh yeah... this is good... world's spinning now!"

Kyo looked like he was clinging to the table. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm ninety-five pounds of really low tolerance. ...How in the hell am I drunk all of a sudden?!" 

Kaoru stood up and sort of swayed, blinking at Die. "Alright... so now what?" Drinking more just then was probably not the best idea, so that left it to dancing, or going ahead and getting into the pool or a hot tub.

Die grinned. He could only really get by with dancing when he was feeling like this, so that seemed a good plan to him. "Let's hit the dance floor?" He held out two hands, figuring Kyo could stick to them until he was ready to wander off wherever he wanted to.

Kyo grabbed onto Die's hand, leaning on him a little as he followed them onto the dance floor. Kaoru made sure he was buffered in between himself and Die in the crowd, though the liquor was making the shorter man seem much more relaxed. Kaoru started to dance with Kyo, who at first seemed too awkward to really get into it, but after a minute or so, they were both grinding against each other with obvious skill, though it was a bit wobbly due to the alcohol. Kaoru reached over Kyo's shoulder and grabbed the front of Die's shirt, pulling him tight up against the blonde's back.

Die grinned at the fact that he had two of the best looking men in this joint all to himself for a little while at least. It was nice... though he didn't really realize how nice until he was staring at Kyo and Kaoru dancing with one another. He just kind of stood there like a dumbass, watching them for quite a while. Eventually, Kaoru grabbed him, pulling him to where he was pressed right against Kyo. He was really, really glad the lights were dim enough that his automatic blush didn't show. It didn't take him long before he was moving with the beat, his femininity showing through a little more than he meant for it to with the way he was dancing, moving against Kyo in a rather sexual way. But he couldn't help it; the alcohol and the way Kyo and Kaoru had been moving against one another... it all culminated in a deep, dark pool of lust, low in his belly.

Kyo wrapped one arm to the back of Kaoru's neck, the other around behind him to the small of Die's back, trying to lean out of the way as Kaoru squished him in between him and Die, kissing his lover, tongue spearing into his mouth.

Die smirked into the kiss, his tongue tangling with his lover's. After a moment, he nipped his bottom lip, his thumb playing over Kyo's hip as he continued dancing. He turned his head and murmured into Kyo's ear, "Like being the meat in the sandwich?"

Kyo turned his head and said in a deadpan, "Why aren't there dicks involved?" He smirked a little and went back to rubbing himself against Kaoru and managing to grind his ass against Die's thigh, his movements seeming drunker by the second.

Die laughed. "Mmm… talk to Kaoru, sweetie." All the same, he ground himself against Kyo, one hand on the blonde's hip and the other roaming Kaoru's arm and shoulder. His eyes locked with Kaoru's, a smile playing over his lips.

Kaoru stayed with Die's gaze, feeling like he could read his mind. After a few moments of considering, his moved his hands from Die's shoulders onto Kyo's, rubbing his hair a little and touching along his jaw. The blonde looked a little confused at first, but then went along with it, leaning into Kaoru's touch and rubbing his hands down his back. Leaning in slowly, his eyes still on Die, pressed his lips to the shorter man's, sucking at his lip ring a little.

Die's hips jerked a little the moment Kaoru's lips met with Kyo's. He groaned out his approval, the hand on Kyo's hip slipping around to splay out over his abdomen. His eyes watched the two kissing rather intently, the alcohol making him forget to hide any of his lust.

It felt... weird, almost wrong to be kissing someone other than Die, but his lover's approval made him persist. 

Kyo closed his eyes and threaded his fingers in Kaoru's hair, biting at his lip a little.

Die let out a soft whimper while he watched, wondering how it felt to be kissing Kyo with that lip ring in. His fingers dipped dangerously lower until he caught himself and shifted them back up. Something about almost doing what he shouldn't pushed him to remembering he was supposed to be behaving himself and that he wasn't supposed to be horny since he and Kaoru had fucked before they left home. But he couldn't help how he was... at least not without some serious changes in a few things.

Kaoru broke away from Kyo, kissing Die, wondering if he could taste the other on his lips. He dipped his tongue just beyond Die's teeth and then pulled away, growling in his ear, "Tonight, for you, anything goes."

Die’s cheeks were painted with the booze he'd consumed and the lust he was feeling. When Kaoru kissed him, he couldn't help but try to search for the differences in his taste, the little hints of what Kyo tasted like tonight. But he was sadly too drunk to manage anything but the knowledge that Kaoru had been kissing Kyo a moment before. At Kaoru's words, Die gave him a rather confused look. Anything... what did he mean by that?

As answer, Kaoru leaned back, giving Kyo a look. The blonde looked at him, a bit shocked, then turned his head, reaching behind himself and pressing against the back of Die's neck, trying to get him to bend down to kiss him.

If Die had been even a little bit more sober, he would have panicked and he most certainly wouldn't have done what he did. But he was pretty much plastered, so he only hesitated a second before leaning down to kiss Kyo. After all... Kaoru had done it already, so it had to be okay... right? His lips pressed to Kyo's and he let out a soft moan, his tongue immediately moving to flick over Kyo's piercing. He moaned softly, the hand on Kaoru's arm moving up to his neck, fingertips lightly dancing over skin while he continued to almost devour Kyo's mouth.

Kyo did his best to keep up with Die's kiss. Kaoru watched them, feeling a twinge of jealousy, but the alcohol helped the lust the image induced overpower such emotions. Kyo wrapped his tongue around the redhead's, sucking it into his mouth a bit, and then bit his lip for a hard, short second.

Die let out a pleased groan when Kyo actually bit down on his lip. It felt amazing and he enjoyed the difference between both men's kisses. It wasn't something really explainable, but it was completely different, all the same. By the time he pulled back from the kiss, he was panting, his eyes dark with desire. A moment later, he yanked Kaoru closer, kissing him desperately as well for a long moment before he murmured, "Hot tub..." because really, they weren't dancing anymore, just taking up a spot. 

Kaoru nodded, panting a little and dragging them towards the lockers to leave their stuff. He paid for a large one and found the number, stripping down quickly and putting his things in the locker.

Die's fingers remained wrapped around Kyo's waist, his other hand holding Kaoru's as they stumbled through the masses of people to the lockers. Once there, he only let them go because he needed to in order to get mostly naked. He tugged off all of his clothing except his swim trunks, quickly checking to make sure his packer was in the right place and looked acceptable. Once all of that was done, he shoved his stuff into the locker and glanced over toward the hot tubs, realizing one of them - the least occupied - was lit from under with black lights. He grinned. A girl off to one side was wearing a white bikini and she was glowing brightly because of it.

Kyo took everything but the obnoxiously bright trunks off and followed the out towards the hot tub. Kaoru stepped carefully into it across from the girl in the bikini. His trunks glowed a little on the stitching, but there was more glow somewhere else; invisible in regular light, ghosts, bats, and cobwebs came alive, glowing blue, white, and violet on his skin, "Love Never Dies" written in luminescent, scrolling script on the back of his hand.

Die slid into the hot tub as well, pausing to stare at Kaoru's tattoos. Black light ink... of course. He grinned. "Woooow," he announced, not really knowing what else to say about it all.

Kaoru chuckled, shrugging. "I honestly forgot I had those." 

Kyo slid into the water, grabbing Kaoru's arm. "Ooh, I want, I want!"

Die chuckled, watching Kyo's reaction. Of course he did. It only made sense that he would want it. It was awesome, after all. He settled down beside Kyo, kind of leaning over him to see the glowing tattoos better. Die had a little glowing secret of his own, but no one would end up seeing it in here. Though, he had to admit, he was tempted to peer down into his swim trunks and see the little ball on his piercing glow. But that would be risky... too risky for his current state of inebriation.

Kaoru let Kyo inspect the glowing details of his tattoo, then extending his arm over to Die, cupping his lover's cheek and smooshing Kyo in between them again to kiss the redhead. He pulled back and looked around, waving over a waitress, marked with the club's logo in glowing white on her polo-styled shirt. He asked for three flutes of champagne and she returned with them quickly, putting them on a tab to their locker number. Kyo took his and looked at the bubbling liquid as Die and Kaoru were handed theirs. After a minute, he looked back and forth between the two of them and smiled. "To you two." He raised his glass and his eyes sparkled, looking much younger than his age.

Die chuckled softly, leaning into the kiss, his arm looping around Kyo's shoulders. When Kaoru pulled back, Die just stayed put, squished up against Kyo's side. The moment the champagne arrived, he accepted his glass, glancing at Kyo when he toasted them. He grinned, toasting and then sipping at the bubbly. Die floated out so that he was in front of both of them, his gaze sweeping over first Kaoru and then Kyo, something incredibly sexual in the way he looked at them both.

Kyo's hair skimmed the water when he sat on the benched edge of the hot tub, his shoulder's just covered in water. Kaoru sat next to him, one leg crossed over the other in the water, his arm resting across the edge of the hot tub behind Kyo. He sipped his champagne and watched Die move out into the water in front of them, grinning a little.

Die shivered a little, continuing to stare at them both as he finished up his champagne. Once he was done, he moved to put the flute on the tile around the hot tub, pressing himself against Kyo and Kaoru when he did it.

Kaoru brushed his hand down Die's side, leaning to let him set the glass down. He turned up his own and placed the glass beside Die, then grabbed his lover and pulled him into both he and Kyo's laps. Kyo giggled a little, grabbing onto Die's legs and pulling them across his own.

Another lovely shudder rippled through Die's body at Kaoru's actions. Something about being drunk, in public, and being the center of both men's attentions gave him a wonderful thrill. He attached himself to both of them, glad for the water's buoyancy right then.

Kaoru had his arms wrapped around Die's waist, kissing just under his ear, Kyo stroking up and down the outside of one long leg. The water was relaxing and it was nice to just sit in it, jets hitting both of them in the small of the back. Kyo sipped at his champagne, not wanting to get too much drunker just yet. He watched Kaoru pepper kisses across Die's neck and a soft smile spread across his lips.

Die let Kaoru work his magic on his neck, panting softly, his eyelids at half-mast. One arm clung to Kaoru's upper back while the other hand found Kyo's free one, entwining their fingers with one another. He honestly wasn't sure what he was doing anymore, though he knew for sure he loved this atmosphere.

Kyo smiled more, squeezing Die's hand and scooting a little closer. Kaoru turned from Die's neck and over to Kyo, kissing along his jaw and then sucking at his neck. The younger man squeaked, holding onto Kaoru's head and laughing for a moment at the facial hair scratching against his skin. "It _does_ tickle!"

Die giggled. "See... I told ya," he let out, shifting enough to stick his nose against Kaoru's neck and nuzzle a little, inhaling his scent.

His lover purred, craning his neck out towards Die as he moved lower along Kyo's throat, flicking his tongue against the skin, making the blonde squirm a little beneath him. Kyo's tattooed hand came up and grabbed tightly onto Die's bicep and his other hand shakily returned the champagne flute to the tiles, grabbing onto Kaoru's hair. His neck was extremely sensitive and Kaoru was giving it attention in all the right ways.

Die licked over that column of flesh, nipping a tiny bit before he shifted so that his legs were tangled with both Kaoru's and Kyo's, his hands touching wherever he could reach on both of them.

Kaoru breathed heavily through his nose, his hand around Die's waist rubbing at his lover's side, Kyo's hand moving up Die's arm and then down onto his chest, rubbing at it, Kaoru and Kyo both having one hand wrapped in each other's hair as they pulled back and began to kiss again, pink tongues flickering back and forth between their lips. Kyo was pressing more and more towards Die even as he kissed Kaoru deeper, tugging his friend's body against them both while he explored the oldest man's mouth with his tongue.

Die pulled his head back from Kaoru's neck for a moment, watching them as they kissed, biting his lip at how incredibly hot they were. He found himself wanting even more, but he didn't want to freak Kaoru out... and he didn't know if Kyo had any kind of voyeuristic streak in him either. So he just stayed where he was, watching them interact with one another.

Kyo broke away from Kaoru's mouth for a moment and looked at Die, his muddy brown eyes a little glassy. Kaoru blinked at his lover, as well, before both of them wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him close, both of them leaning in, gently at first so as not to knock teeth and noses, each kissing a side of Die's mouth, subsequently kissing each other somewhere in the middle.

The instant Die was included in the kiss, he felt like he turned to jelly... very pleasured jelly. His tongue flicked out, trying to find anyone else's, a little whimper leaving him.

Kyo's obliged first, the point of his tongue stroking against Die's, curling around it and sliding along the other's lips. One of his large, long hands had slipped down to Die's ass, squeezing it. Kaoru nibble at the corner of Die's mouth, hugging his lover rather tightly. He was hard and trying not to be too obvious about it, not able to do anything to fix it here, especially with the black lights which would be a tell-all if he came. He pressed his tongue against both Die and Kyo's after a moment of letting them play to themselves with it, and though it was sloppy and drunken, awkward with three people, it felt good.

Die let out a low moan, shifting closer when he felt Kyo's hand on his ass. This was what he'd imagined, what he'd hoped for if something ever happened between all three of them again. It was fair and erotic and... wonderful. His tongue played back with both Kyo's and Kaoru's, curling and stroking along their slick muscles. He shuddered, shifting closer, his fingertips running down their chests, lightly catching their nipples as he went down.

Kaoru growled a little, pulling back to watch Die and Kyo kiss for a while. His hands supported Die at his back, making sure he didn't fall out of their laps, fingers rubbing idly. Kyo arched into the touch to his nipples and Kaoru simply brushed Die's wrist with his other hand in a little encouragement, not really a fan of having his nipples played with, but needing Die to still touch him so that jealousy could not set in. He realized, then, that the girl sitting by herself across the hot tub, in the glowing white bikini, was staring at them, looking somewhere between shocked and aroused. He didn't know whether to laugh or ask her to join, at this point; after all, he was too drunk to pretend that he didn't like the way her nipples showed through the wet fabric of her top, or her slightly exotic features, though both attributes in his state of inebriation may very well have been greatly exaggerated or completely imagined. 

Die shifted his hand on Kaoru, moving to brush over his abdomen and then back up to his neck, his knuckles grazing the flesh there just barely. With Kyo though, he remained touching his nipples, teasing and lightly tugging, hoping the other would like it. His mouth sealed over Kyo's, the kiss hungry and passionate. Slowly, his fingers moved to curl into Kaoru's hair, gently tugging.

Kyo's dick gave Die all the encouragement needed for the tugging to his nipples. His erection was rather comical in the tight, tiny shorts, and he rubbed it against Die's leg. His mouth worked against Die's almost viciously, making sure he got all he could from this experience if it was the only one Kaoru was going to allow this visit, or ever, after this. He understood he was borrowing Die, sharing him with Kaoru, and that while Kaoru didn't own Die, the other was still respectfully acknowledged as Die's keeper, as it were, and as such, he was careful not to overstep his boundaries, ensuring what he and Die did was pleasurable for Kaoru to view, and that he didn't hog the redhead unless given any obvious cues that Kaoru only wanted to be an observing party.

When Die's fingers wrapped around his hair and pulled, Kaoru was terrified where this was going; his cock felt ready to explode, his one weakness made even more deadly with his intoxication, and the girl had started to squirm while she was watching them. Briefly, he wondered if he'd ever get the chance to sleep with a bona fide woman, if it would really be all that different from Die, and if he'd find he really wasn't comfortable with it, or that he actually enjoyed it a lot. Her pert nipples through the wet bikini kept his interest piqued as he moaned in Die's ear, sucking on it, trying to guess what possibilities lay before them.

Die squirmed a little, pushing back against Kyo. He could feel how aroused he was and it excited him something awful. Letting out another moan, he pulled back from the kiss, yanking Kaoru a little closer and shoving his tongue in his mouth. His hand slid further down Kyo's body, fingertips dancing over his abs and then dipping lower, grasping him though the fabric of his swim trunks. After a moment, he pulled back from the kiss with Kaoru, panting for air.

Kyo pushed his hands down against the seat of the hot tub, arching up into Die's hand, a scared looked in his eyes.

Kaoru sucked at Die's bottom lip as his lover pulled away and looked back and forth between them. "Should, ah, should we maybe head out?" They hadn't been here long and Die and Kyo had wanted to experience the club, but it seemed they all had more pressing urges at the moment.

Die whimpered softly, squirming around a little. He sucked in a soft breath and then murmured, "We could come again... before Kyo has to go?" He hadn't meant for it to turn into this, but he couldn't say he had any complaints about it.

Kyo shook his head, short of breath. "I've seen it, I'm good. Um... how am I supposed to get out?" He bucked his hips a little to emphasize his meaning and blushed. Kaoru chuckled darkly and waved over the waitress again, asking for towels and she brought them three. He moved Die off his lap and got out after she took their champagne glasses and wrapped the towel his waist, Kyo doing the same, blushing a little. The girl in the bikini sipped her margarita and smiled, waving to them, waggling her fingers, mouthing, though unheard over the hum of the hot tub and the music, "Bye, boys."

Die shifted back when Kaoru tried to move him. He settled to float in the water, glancing over to find the girl staring at them. He blushed a bit, but this huge, dorky grin spread over his face. It was more than obvious that he had enjoyed making out in public like this. Die slipped out of the water last, wrapping the towel around him and then slipping his arms around both men, leaning in to kiss each of their cheeks with a gleeful giggle.

Kaoru wrapped his arm around Die's waist, walking back into the locker room. He dried off and then stripped out of his swim trunks, putting his towel back on and walking over to the little dryer machine, dropping it in and pressing down on the lid, which made the whole thing shake and make a terrible racket for about a minute, but he pulled out a fairly dry pair of swim trunks. Kyo watched him and then did the same with his own, glad the cold from getting out of the hot tub had started to kill his erection for now, though his towel still tented out.

Die was grinning like an idiot when they walked into the locker rooms. He watched Kaoru dry out his trunks. He wanted to, but he didn't have underwear and walking out with his packer in his hands did not sound like a good plan to him. It would really shift too much in just the leather pants. Instead, he tried to dry off with the towel as well as he could and then tried to pull his pants on. That didn't work at all and he sighed, pushing them back off. Well fuck then. He glanced around, finally quickly shoving everything off and wrapping the towel back around himself while he tried to discreetly dry off the packer.

As they got back into their clothes and shoes, collecting wallets and phones, etc, the sounds of chopping and then snorting were heard from the other side of the lockers. Kaoru winced, getting dressed faster, rubbing the tattoo on his fingers like some sort of talisman. Kyo touched his arm, frowning but Kaoru shook it off, shrugging a little, murmuring that he was going to go give the key back and pay for their champagne and that he'd meet them at the bar, then they'd go.

Die tensed when he heard the snorting from the other side of their locker bank, immediately looking worriedly at Kaoru. He reached for him, but Kaoru was already leaving to go pay for the locker. Die cursed under his breath, sighing as he tried to get dressed under the towel, finally just outright having to adjust his packer where anyone could see. Once he had that on, he went to dry his swim trunks in the little dryer thing.

Moving back to the locker, he pulled out his shirt, quickly putting it on. He looked over at Kyo, a worried look in his eyes.

Kyo rubbed Die's arm, already dressed and waiting on his friend. "He walked away. That means he's alright." After all, he could have snuck over and done a line, but Kyo had watched him walk to out of the locker room and just knew that Kaoru had resisted any urge the rather obvious desire for drug use that had risen in him. He looked at Die trying to arrange himself. "Why don't you put the trunks back on? They're dry now."

"Yeah... I just worry about him. I feel kinda bad he had to hear that... you know?" At Kyo's suggestion, Die made a little face and then nodded, taking his pants back off again, this time too annoyed to care that anyone could see he wasn't exactly all man. He pulled on his trunks again, putting the packer back inside and then pulling on the leather pants. That felt much more reliable. He tugged on his shoes and then stood back up. "Ready?" he asked softly.

The blonde nodded, combing his fingers through his hair a bit and then standing, wobbling a little, but making his way through the crowd, Die in tow, toward Kaoru. He was just coming out of the dance floor crowd when he stopped, spotting Kaoru at the bar and sort of groaning, muttering to Die, "When it rains it pours." 

Kaoru was in an obviously defensive posture, trying to ignore a taller man next to him with a muscular body and short black hair, looking to be of Korean decent. The man was talking to Kaoru in what was clearly a drunken slur, even though they couldn't hear any of what was being said, and Kaoru turned and snapped at him, then went back to fuming, glaring a hole through the back of the bar, three double shots in front of him.

Kyo tugged Die down a little to shout over the music into his ear "Is that his ex?" but before he could get an answer, the tall drunk had reached to touch Kaoru's arm as though trying to get him to listen and Kaoru had jerked away, turning on him like a rabid animal, screaming in his face, loud enough to hear over the dance beat. "Don't fucking touch me, don't fucking talk to me, don't even fucking look at me! I told you I was done with you and I fucking meant it!" His face was red with rage all the way to the tips of his ears, tendons strained out from his neck. The drunken man - obviously Seung, from that kind of reaction from Kaoru - blinked at Kaoru, utterly stunned. 

Kyo tugged Die over, shoving in between them and grabbing the shots off the counter, shoving one at Die and one at Kaoru, doing his quickly. "Come on, drink up, we're leaving."

Die curled his fingers around Kyo's hand, letting him lead them through the crowd. When Kyo tugged him down to ask if the man next to Kaoru was his ex, Die nodded. "Oh shit... it is." He started forward with Kyo, not making it before Kaoru exploded at the other man. He squeezed Kyo's hand, letting it go for a moment, intent on doing one thing before they left. He grabbed the shot he was handed, slammed it back, shoved the glass on the counter, and then grabbed Seung's shirt, yanking him around. " _Never_ touch _my_ man, ever again!" With that, he hauled off and punched him right in the nose before he pretty much grabbed Kaoru and Kyo and fled, his heart pounding in his chest.

Kaoru threw his shot back when it was shoved at him, ready to leave, but when Die went up to Seung and staked his claim for him, essentially, something hot flared in his chest that wasn't the liquor. He almost smiled, but before he could react to the words, he realized Die had just clocked Seung in the nose and he was being hauled off towards the door. He couldn't even help that he was laughing so hard he could hardly stand. Seung had reeled back, losing his balance and crashing over a bar stool, holding his nose. The image left a bitter feeling of sated revenge in his gut.

Kyo was stunned, feeling like his ears were ringing as he left the club, pulling both of them up the street and around the corner, not stopping until they were two blocks away. 

Kaoru stopped, still laughing a little, and threw his arms around Die, pressing his face against his chest. "Holy fucking shit." Something about the words sounded distinctly like, "I love you". 

Kyo lit a cigarette and shifted around on his feet, the adrenaline for the time being sobering him up, letting Die and Kaoru have their little moment. 

Kaoru pulled back slightly, arms still clamped around his lover's back. He was smiling goofily, drunk and elated. He'd waited years to see someone punch Seung like that. "Come on. There's a Waffle House a few blocks that way, we'll get some food to sober us up and get a cab from there."

By the time Kyo let them stop, Die was feeling rather stunned. He couldn't believe he'd just hauled off and punched Seung like that. But then... he'd been kind of keeping some rather intense hatred for him deep inside, so it wasn't so surprising really. The other had made Kaoru into the paranoid man he was today and he'd hurt Kaoru something terrible. Somehow seeing Kaoru's blood staining the floor back at his apartment had really stuck with Die, increasing the anger he felt over the whole thing. But now... now he simply felt justified.

He ran his fingertips down Kaoru's cheek before realizing he had blood on his hand. He winced. "Um... eww," he pulled back enough to spit on his hand and then fish around for a tissue in his pocket. Once it was cleared away, he winced. "I'd say I broke his nose, judging by the fact that that wasn't my blood." He shook his head, tossing the tissue in the gutter and then slipping his arms back around both of them. "Waffle House?" he asked Kyo, making sure he was okay with that as well.

For once, Kaoru wasn't bothered by the sight of blood. The fact that it was Seung's made it a rather lovely thing, honestly. Maybe he was sick for seeing it like that, but he felt good to know Die had probably broken his nose. 

Kyo found the vindictiveness a little disturbing, but said nothing, smoking his cigarette and sort of leaning into Die, walking with them up a few streets to the diner. He'd never been to one, but had heard it was a bit of a staple to American’s drunken nights. 

Kaoru led them over to a booth in the corner, the third shift staff greeting them half-heartedly, obviously tired. A few other people sat in the non-smoking section on the other end of the place, and an older man smoking a cigarette was at the low counter, but it was otherwise pretty dead. And older woman with white hair pulled back in a ponytail that brushed her behind came up to them, seeming perkier than the rest of the staff, smiling and asking what they'd like to drink. Kyo and Kaoru immediately asked for water, realizing that sitting down, they had started to sag, obviously feeling the adrenaline wear off and the alcohol come back into play.

Die ordered water and coffee before he headed off to the bathroom, washing his hands with soap and water before he came back to the table, plopping down. He pulled out his cigarettes, lighting one up and then settling back. He didn't even have to look at the menu; he already knew what he wanted, ordinary as it was. He offered Kyo some advice. "Don't order the pancakes, order the waffles if you're looking for sweet. And don't order the salad, it's gross."

Kaoru and Kyo were huddled together, sipping their waters, freezing in the AC being blasted in the restaurant. When Die got back, Kyo had decided what he wanted with Kaoru's help and they were both ready to order. The waitress came back and took Kaoru's - two grilled cheese on Texas toast with a side of sausage - before asking Kyo for his. His words were not only slurred together at this point, but his accent was coming into play. He ordered once, and she just stared at him. "I'm sorry, sweetie, what was that?" Kyo sort of sighed and tried again, not quite able to articulate wanting a double patty melt. It all came out sounding like gibberish. Giving up, he just pointed to it on the menu and shook his head when she asked if he wanted hash browns. Die ordered the All Star Special, eggs over medium, wheat toast, waffle lightly done, extra egg instead of grits, and sausage. Jotting it all down, she went off to call the order. 

Kyo slumped against Kaoru's shoulder, his eyelids heavy. Switching to Japanese, his English officially exhausted for the night, he muttered, "I always get way too drunk... I'm such a light-weight."

Die reached one hand across the table, gently patting both of them. "Don't feel bad... watch this." He switched to Japanese, doing just as bad as Kyo was on English once he started to speak. "This is how I sound when I'm drunk and trying to speak Japanese." He laughed and shook his head, switching back to English. "As if either of you understood that!"

Both of them laughed, Kaoru putting his arm around Kyo, who had started to actually shake from being so cold. Feeling confident that Die would not be able to keep up, and for once glad of it, he asked Kyo if he was still up to probably having a threesome when they got home. The younger man thought about it for a minute, nuzzling against Kaoru's warm side, then nodded. He asked what was off-limits, since kissing had been last time, and now it seemed it was central to the experience. Kaoru tensed his jaw, thinking it over, and then shrugged. "Nothing." He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one, rubbing up and down Kyo's arm to try and warm him up.

Die pouted at them. "Guyssss," he whined, "You're going too fast." But he sort of knew they were doing it on purpose, though he had no idea why. He picked up a few words, but they were mostly useless unless in context, so he settled on pushing his coffee to Kyo, who looked ready to shake to death.

Kyo took it with a thankful smile, but before he could pick it up, the waitress had returned. "Did you want some coffee, sugar? You look about blue in the lips." Kyo sort of made a face and nodded. She got him his own mug and put it down with some creamers in front of him, but he just drank it black, sipping at it and holding the mug between both hands to warm him. 

Kaoru was about to say something to Die, but then he realized he couldn't use Japanese with him and there was still the old man sitting just behind them. He pulled out his phone and shot his lover a text. _Kyo's still DTF. Do you have any rules you want to set?_

Die smiled at the waitress, taking back his coffee mug once Kyo had his own. He sipped at it, jumping a little when his phone vibrated in his pants. In the tight leather, it was rather... epic. He blushed, fishing out the phone and opening it to look at the text. It took him a minute to compute that DTF meant down to fuck. He smirked a bit and thought about it. He texted back. _Just one. No one gets left out._

Kaoru read the text and nodded. "Okay." He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and relayed the information to Kyo, who also nodded, sitting up a little when the waitress returned again with their plates. She put Die's waffle down in front of him first, then gave Kyo and Kaoru their sandwiches, letting Die know the rest of his order would be up shortly. 

The petite blonde stared at the sandwich for a moment and then picked up a pickle slice, eating it first before picking up one half of the melt and digging in. Kaoru put his pickles at the edge of the plate, away from touching his sandwiches, and started to eat around the edges of one triangle, working his way in towards the middle. It was entirely too apparent that they were both incredibly drunk by the way they were eating.

Die poured a lot of syrup on the waffle, starting to dig into it almost instantly. He smiled over at them, swallowing down his bite of waffle. "How is it?"

Both of them just sort of nodded that it was good, continuing to eat, their eyes hardly open anymore. It was odd how alike they were in certain ways. Kaoru finished one triangle of his grilled cheese and then put his pickles on Kyo's plate when he realized the singer had eaten all of his, the waitress coming back and refilling waters before bringing out the rest of Die's order.

Die finished off his waffle and half his water before the rest of his food came. He dug in, quickly breaking the yolks on all the eggs, starting to mix the eggs in with the sausage and eat it that way.

They all ate in silence for a while, their waitress sitting down and smoking with the older man at the low counter, keeping an eye on them. Not really eavesdropping, Kaoru listened to their conversation just to have something to focus on while he ate, learning quickly that the man was a cab driver. He turned around and looked at the taxi parked in the lot. Clearing his throat a little to get the man's attention, he spoke as clearly as possible, asking, "You drive a taxi?"

The man turned around in his chair, nodding. "Yeah. Do you fellas need a ride?" Kaoru nodded. "Alright. It's a slow night, when you're done, I'll take you." Kaoru nodded and told him thank you, turning back to his meal.

Die grinned when Kaoru started talking to the cab driver. That was a lovely coincidence and worked out conveniently for them. He rubbed his stomach, stopping about halfway through his plate of food, already feeling full. "Mmm... lots of food."

Kaoru took his unused fork and reached over, stealing a big bite of eggs and sausage before finishing the last piece of his grilled cheese. Kyo had finished his sandwich and was eating Kaoru's pickles, sipping the rest of his water. The waitress put a ticket own on their table and Kyo asked to be let out, going up to the register to pay. The taxi driver squared up on his coffee, getting some in a to-go cup, and Kyo left a twenty on the table.

Kaoru took Die's hand and they followed the cab driver out to his car, squeezing into the back. Kaoru gave him the address and then settled back, in the middle this time, head on Die's shoulder and now holding Kyo's hand.

Die shifted around, watching Kyo go and pay and then leave a twenty on the table. He arched his eyebrow. He was quite the tipper apparently. He grinned, heading off with them to the taxi. He slipped into his seat, smiling and settling down carefully. "Mmm... food's always good there when you're drunk." He laughed.

Kaoru nodded, nuzzling his lover's shoulder. "Usually keeps hangovers away, too. Something about greasy food when you're sobering up helps a lot." Kyo grunted at that, playing with Kaoru's fingers in a way that made it rather obvious he was still horny. He watched the houses go by in the dark, waiting until he started to recognize the neighborhood, wanting to be in the house, out of his clothes, and in some sort of compromising position with both of them.

"Yeah, it does," Die murmured softly. Slowly, his mind started to drift back to what they'd been doing in the club and how good it had felt. Almost absently, he started chewing on his bottom lip.

Kaoru rubbed at Kyo's hand, his fingers playing slowly in and out of the other man's. He didn't want to do anything too risqué in the cab, but his other hand rested on Die's thigh, squeezing it a little. He was glad they weren't too far from home. It felt like all the sexual tension from earlier had simply been put on pause and was now moving again. He thought about being shoved between both of them, fucked and maybe even bound again, and any combination in between. His dick stirred to life a little and when the cab turned into their neighborhood his pulse began to quicken.

Die actually jumped a little when Kaoru put that hand on his thigh. He giggled a little at himself, glancing over at the two of them for a moment before digging out the cash to pay for the cab ride, waiting to be told how much once they got there.

Kyo almost slapped the money out of Die's hand when he reached to try and push his hand back towards his pocket in a sign to put it away. He pulled out his own wallet when they pulled up at the house and paid, getting out and waiting for Kaoru and Die, looking at the six brick steps down from the street to the yard, then three wooden steps up to the porch. He wasn't so sure he was going to make the twenty foot trip in one piece in this state. Kaoru grabbed onto Die's wrist for support on one side and the rail of the steps in his other hand, Kyo holding onto a fistful of the back of Kaoru's shirt as they started down the steps carefully, stumbling, but making it, and nearly tripping up the steps to the porch. Digging his keys out, Kaoru unlocked the house and practically fell in the door, staggering off with an announcement that he needed to piss.

Die looked a little embarrassed, but put the money away like Kyo wanted him to. He supposed with Kyo being in the career he was, he probably made way more than Die or Kaoru did. But still, it made him feel weird to only pay for a couple drinks through the whole night. He helped navigate the steps, muttering to himself about how there should be a drunk way into their house, but then laughing as they all tripped up the porch steps.

Kyo giggled, passing Die as he went off to the guest room to take all his things out of his pockets and such. Kaoru stumbled over to the toilet and opened his tight pants, pulling himself out and pitching backwards for a moment, righting himself and then leaning forward with one hand braced on the wall and starting to empty his bladder, looking over at Die with unfocused eyes and a little smile.

Die glanced back at Kyo when he passed, the giggle tipping him off that he was walking behind him. He offered a grin and then turned back toward Kaoru just as he started pissing. Warmth gathered low in his belly and he quickly unbuttoned his shirt and then started undoing his pants, moving toward Kaoru. "Mmm..." he nuzzled against his lover's neck and then peered over his shoulder. "Hey there, sexy."

Kaoru hummed a little, having to focus on pissing into the toilet and not on the floor and therefore not really thinking twice about Die behind him. He sighed a little and finished, shaking out the last few drops in a clumsy gesture and then flushing, nearly tripping around Die as he shoved himself back in his pants, leaving them undone, and went to the sink to wash his hands quickly. When he was done, he turned around, grinning drunkenly at Die. "So, baby... special requests?" He tilted his head and looked Die over, lust in his eyes.

Just as he was about to throw in some suggestions of his own to get Die rolling, Kyo walked by the door, a naked blur through the parlor, stumbling towards their bedroom. "Bed, now." Kaoru laughed, peeking his head out the door to watch Kyo's perfect ass as he disappeared into their bedroom, then turned back, raising a brow at Die.

The sound of Kaoru pissing had reminded Die that he had to go as well and that if he didn't, sex might get a little... weird. He laughed when Kyo streaked past, completely naked. He waved Kaoru off to the bedroom. "I'll be there in a minute. Gonna pee." He pushed his pants and swim trunks down, putting the toilet lid back down and settling down to take a much-needed piss. He was far too drunk to even attempt using his stand-to-pee device, even though it was in his pocket.

Kaoru nodded, grinning and going first to the kitchen to get three bottles of water, then to the bedroom, finding Kyo standing at the foot of the bed, only the lamps on the nightstands on. He put the water down on a dresser and Kyo beckoned him over, wrapping his tattooed arms around Kaoru's neck and growling in his ear, "I wanna suck your dick."

Kaoru's eyes went wide and he looked around the room like something in there might help him. "Ah... Die's one rule was that nobody gets left out."

Kyo smirked. "He's not left out. He likes to watch. It'll just be a nice surprise when he gets in here." He was already pulling Kaoru's clothes off and stroking him, and the older man was too inebriated to argue. He let Kyo push him down to sit on the bench at the foot of the bed and helped him get him out of his clothes, the blonde sinking to his knees and kissing down Kaoru's stomach, the other hard by the time Kyo's mouth reached his cock and started to lick at the head.

Die finished up in the bathroom, laughing to himself about some joke he'd come up with on how he was like a Tinkle Time Kelly doll when he was drunk. By the time he made his way to the bedroom, his shirt in his hand and his pants nearly falling off, Kyo was already to Kaoru's dick. He let out a rather obnoxious moan from the doorway, immediately coming inside the room and ditching his clothing off in a corner so no one would trip on it. A moment later, he crawled onto the bench, just sitting there, watching what Kyo was doing, gnawing on his lip a little.

Kyo's eyes flicked up to Die as he took more of Kaoru into his mouth, sucking loudly. Kaoru's head fell back and he moaned, his hand shooting out to grip Die's knee. Kyo worked slow, but with attention to detail, flickering his tongue and scraping his teeth just enough and in the right spots. Already, Kaoru's foot was starting to twitch. He panted, looking over at Die, grabbing him by the back of the neck and pulling him into a kiss.

Die gasped softly when Kaoru pulled him into a kiss. He shoved his tongue into the other's mouth, lapping at him rather desperately.

Kaoru responded in kind, his hand on Die's thigh traveling higher, rubbing along the very top of his leg and just barely sliding between them. His other hand was holding onto Kyo's hair, encouraging the other to keep sucking him, which he obliged only for a while. Pulling back, making Kaoru pull away from Die and pout at the singer, Kyo sat back and looked up at them. "Sooo... what's the... ah, game plan?" Both he and Kaoru looked at Die; the general understanding was that this was happening for the redhead; despite the fact Kyo and Kaoru had an attraction to each other, it was clear the threesomes revolved around their mutual attraction for Die.

Die let out a soft whimper when Kaoru pulled back. But soon enough, he understood why and he blushed. "Uh..." he swallowed thickly, trying to think of something non-idiotic to suggest. He toyed with his hands a little, a certain scenario that he always had on the edge of his horny mind flitting around with a little more urgency. He'd always wanted them both at once, filling him up as much as possible downstairs. But he wasn't really sure they'd go for it. For one, he kind of knew Kyo had an aversion to his womanly parts. And, for two, he didn't want to spark Kaoru's jealousy any more than this whole ordeal already would. He ran a hand through his hair. "I... didn't really have a game plan," he mumbled, only half-lying.

Kyo crawled a little over to Die, placing both hands on Die's knees, grinning maniacally up at him. "Please. Kaoru's already said anything goes tonight. What is it you want Die?"

Kaoru shifted a little closer to him, as well, kissing under his ear. "Just ask for it, baby."

Die shivered, staring down at Kyo. Part of him really wished he had had all of his surgeries already so he could have Kyo suck his dick. For a moment, the image of Kyo sucking his clit stuck in his head before he shoved it away and murmured, "I was... just thinking... ah..." he trailed off, rubbing nervously over his arm, "well... maybe... you guys could both fuck me at once." The last part came out a little rushed, forced out before he lost what little nerve he had.

A look passed between Kyo and Kaoru before Kyo crawled more between Die's legs, kissing his chest. "And how exactly would you like that arranged?" After all, there were several options. Kaoru leaned over and rubbed at one of Die's nipples, nibbling at his ear, while Kyo bathed the other nipple with his tongue.

Die let out a low whimper at the attention to his nipples. He liked having them played with as much as he enjoyed playing with nipples himself. Desire shivered through him and he let out a breathless laugh. "Hnn..." his fingers trailed over Kaoru's thigh, his other hand coming to rest in Kyo's hair, "one in each hole," he murmured.

Kaoru growled a little, crawling back onto the bed and grabbing Die, dragging him up onto the mattress with him, Kyo scurrying up behind. The blonde settled beside Die, sucking just under his jaw. "Who goes where?" he asked, more to Kaoru than Die. 

Die squeaked a little when he got hauled up onto the bed. Laughing, he collapsed on Kaoru and tilted his head, letting the other suck on him. He shivered a bit at their talk, squirming around until he could reach out with both hands, grabbing each of their dicks, stroking them off.

Kaoru petted along Die's side and shrugged. "It's Die's body. Though... honestly..." he blushed, scooting to lie against Die's side. "Size wise, it would probably be easier if you were... ya know... at the front?" Kyo didn't seem too fazed by that. He pulled back from kissing Die's neck and looked down at him.

Kyo shifted so that Die could reach his cock, moaning against the other's ear, reaching across Die to his lover and stroking along Kaoru's tattooed ribs. He sucked at the tallest man's earlobe, growling a little. "Well, middle man, where do you want us?" Kaoru bit his lip and let himself get lost in the sensation of Die's hand over his cock, his own hand dipping down to rub at his lover's cunt, from his lady-dick nearly down to his asshole.

Die let out a soft cry of pleasure at the assault on his body, his hips bucking and his back arching. "E-e-either way," he panted out, squirming. "Just... please!" The way he said it made it clear he was begging to be fucked soon.

Kaoru sat up a little, he and Kyo talking in dialect-heavy Japanese for a moment. After a few exchanges, Kaoru rolled and grabbed some lube from Die's drawer, Kyo shifting to lie in the middle of the bed, tugging at Die. "C'mere, little girl." He knew Die wasn't terribly fond of the term, but it was meant so affectionately from Kyo, he couldn't help but use it. He shifted so that he was lying on some pillow under his head and shoulder and tried to move Die so that the other straddled him while Kaoru moved to try and help the process along and get behind Die. He poured some lube onto his hand and slicked his cock, making sure his fingers were still rather slick before tossing the bottle at Kyo. The blonde opened it and poured some into his palm, looking at Die with a glint in his eyes that was both nervous and excited.

Die rolled over, moving to straddle Kyo. Honestly, Kyo and Kaoru were the only people who would ever be welcome to use that term in relation to him. He knew it wasn't meant rudely, so he put up with it, taking it with a grain of salt. Settling to where he was hovering over Kyo, he peered down at him, utterly breathless while he waited on whatever would happen.

Kaoru kissed his lover's shoulder, Kyo moving to hold onto one of Die's hips. Without thinking - if he thought too much he'd chicken out - he move his hand between Die's thighs, pressing one finger just under his unique little cock and then sliding it back, blindly trying to find his passage. When he did, he slid his finger in, then added another, scissoring them around. Kaoru began to do the same to Die's ass.

Die cried out sharply the instant Kyo's fingers slipped into his cunt. He groaned and then gasped when Kaoru's fingers started probing his backside. With a shiver, he let out a soft, "Fuck." Something about the contrast of the two men had him caught up in the moment, his body just remaining in one place, trembling with the power of his lust.

Kaoru leaned around Die, watching Kyo, who looked utterly confused. With a little laugh, he reached around and grabbed the other's cock just as he was starting to push three fingers into Die. "Start slow," he told him, helping shift Die around and steadying Kyo's impressive length at his lover's entrance. Kyo pushed up just a little, and Kaoru placed a little kiss on the other's shoulder, encouraging him to lower down over the blonde's cock.

Die was eager to feel Kyo inside him, shifting down a little more on his knees. He let out a soft mewl of pleasure, slowly sinking all the way down and then settling there, rocking his hips a little.

Kyo's eyes slammed shut and his jaw dropped open, but he could hardly make a sound. The sensation was different from anything he would have expected and he grabbed onto Die's hips, pushing up into him a little. A loud pant left him and he shivered. "Holy shit..." Kaoru smirked and moved back between Kyo's legs, behind Die, carefully pushing a finger back into his lover's ass.

"Just stay there for a minute." Kyo moaned, nodding, just barely canting his hips up into Die. Kaoru went to work kissing along Die's back and stretching his ass, considerably tight with Kyo inside his pussy, which Kaoru could feel through the wall of muscle. It was a little difficult to fit three fingers and he worked them as slowly and carefully as his intoxicated state allowed.

Die let out a breathless laugh at Kyo's reaction. "I take it... you like?" he moved his weight onto one hand, the other coming up to brush over Kyo's lips. A moment later, he let out a soft cry, his eyelids fluttering. Kaoru's fingers caused something that was between pleasure and pain, a combination Die knew and loved.

Kyo bit one of Die's fingers, nipping at it playfully, but hard. Kaoru stretched Die a little longer before determining it was either going to happen or it wasn't. Stroking himself a little, he pressed the crown of his cock - feeling rather inadequate in such proximity to Kyo's monster - against Die's puckered hole, pushing a little. He leaned forward and put his face against his lover's neck. "Tell me if I need to stop." Steadying himself with one hand, he pushed a little harder, hoping he wouldn't hurt Die too much.

Die pushed his finger into Kyo's mouth, willing him to suck on it, finding such actions completely erotic. The moment Kaoru moved to start pushing his dick against him, Die let out a loud moan, doing his best to relax. Pain flashed through him rather sharply, but he didn't ask for Kaoru to stop, not wanting him to. He was determined to get them both in him... and besides, he knew the moment that he got them both moving, it would be heaven.

Kaoru kept pushing steadily, watching Die's reactions. He slowed, knowing Die was in obvious pain, but he hadn't asked him to stop yet, so he kept going. Kyo did his best not to move, but the feeling of Kaoru's dick rubbing at him through Die was... disturbing. And wonderful. He grabbed Die's wrist in a vice to keep himself in check, waiting until Kaoru had managed to fit himself all the way in. He settled on his knees behind his lover and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him and kissing his cheek. "Are you alright?"

Die was panting harshly by the time Kaoru had pushed himself all the way in. He drew in a shaky breath. "Y-yeah..." he shifted just a little bit, making himself more comfortable between the two, and then nodded. "God, someone move... please," he whispered.

Kyo reacted immediately, grabbing Die's hips and thrusting up into him. Kaoru held onto his lover, staying put for now, just kissing his neck, sucking at the skin, biting down his shoulder. The blonde underneath them was already moaning loudly, snapping his hips up into Die, only able to use so much of his dick, but it felt amazing nonetheless, despite being a little freaked out that he could feel himself hitting the end of Die's passage, which he knew was just a dead end, sewed shut.

The moment Kyo started to move, Die let out a rather loud series of cries, each one in time with Kyo's movements. His body quivered, his senses on full alert, everything going crazy. His thoughts were no longer coherent, flitting from one color-splattered image to the next. His hands moved to Kyo's chest, his short nails raking over it, leaving red welts behind.

Kyo screamed, "Harder!" as Die's nails dug into his flesh. The pain got him off, made him feel high. His hips battered against Die's even more forcefully, lifting the other a bit as he pulled back so that he could spear more of himself in and out. 

Carefully, less than half the speed Kyo was using to fuck Die, Kaoru began to move, slow and sure, sinking all the way in and pulling nearly completely out.

Die immediately complied, knowing Kyo's habit on stage and knowing he could take it as far as he dared, hoping Kyo wanted his blood to be drawn. His nails dug harder, fingers trembling with the effort as he scratched over Kyo's chest. This time, he left open wounds behind, three lines that slowly welled up with blood. The separate speeds from Kaoru and Kyo sent him spiraling fast into his first orgasm of the night. He let out a choked scream, his insides spasming, a rush of fluid gushing out around Kyo's dick.

Kyo would have wondered what in the hell was all the hot, water liquid running down between his legs now, but the pain and the smell of blood had him arching off the bed, shouting incoherent growls. His hands grabbed onto Die's hips so hard he knew there would be bruises. 

Kaoru bit his lover's throat as he felt him cum, pumping a little faster. Kyo was young, and had a hard time getting off when he was drunk, but Kaoru was just the opposite. Not long after Die had cum and Kyo's pace had started to becoming break-neck, Kaoru sped up a bit and was then spilling himself in Die, gripping his lover around the waist, face pressed to his shoulder. "Nn, shit... sorry... too soon." Kyo let up a little but didn't stop while Kaoru stayed buried in Die, waiting to see if he'd stay hard, but he wasn't. With a blush, he pulled out, moving to sit on the bed next to them. He shrugged a little and lay back, apologizing again. 

Die let out another moan when Kaoru came. He could feel it so well like this, each pulse of Kaoru's dick as he emptied himself into him. A sharp shudder ripped through his body when Kaoru pulled out, leaving Kyo, who was fucking him into oblivion.

Kyo asked him something in rushed, panting Japanese and Kaoru had hardly gotten through the second nod before the blonde had grabbed Die, tossed him over on the bed, under him now rather than straddling over him, and grabbed behind the knees of those long legs, putting them over his shoulders, and fucking him as hard as he possibly could.

When Die was flipped over, he squeaked a little, but immediately set up moaning like a cheap whore, the new angle brushing Kyo over his g-spot each time. One of Die's hands clawed at Kyo's chest, the other reaching toward Kaoru, wanting to still hold onto him. Even floating somewhere on cloud nine, Die still remembered that he wanted it to equal... and to him, that meant at least keeping contact with Kaoru while he was recovering.

Kaoru took Die's hand, lacing their fingers and pressing a kiss to the back of it, watching Kyo hammer into his lover. At the back of his mind, he wondered if what Kyo was doing for Die was more satisfying than what he could ever give him, if that alone might lead to Die wanting to be with Kyo instead of him, but he couldn't think about things like that now, not when he was drunk and certainly not while sex was still involved. It couldn't be stopped now; he'd have to berate himself for letting it happen later, if the feeling persisted.

Die continued to let out a series of sexual sounds, his body arching under Kyo, his legs parting further and further. It felt amazing, Kyo's cock shoving into him over and over, the sex almost brutal in intensity. The only partly-hidden masochist inside him was screaming with pleasure, his entire being on fire with what was happening to him. His fingers squeezed the hell out of Kaoru's as he thrashed around under Kyo, lost in complete bliss.

Kaoru lay beside them almost lazily, just watching for a while. Kyo was beginning to get frustrated, Die around his cock feeling amazing, but he was hardly even close to cumming yet. He shifted a little and Kaoru muttered something to him. Kyo stopped and moved Die around a little, grabbing him at the back of his knees and pushing them apart and then sitting back a little himself. Kaoru nodded and Kyo started pounding again, stabbing against Die's g-spot. Kaoru smirked, waiting for the reaction, hoping his lover would cum again, and hard.

It wasn't even two thrusts before Die was quite literally screaming. His body bucked and arched, trying to get the most out of exactly where Kyo's cock was hitting. His free hand speared into his hair, yanking hard. His face was a mask of pure elation. The deep burn of his next orgasm set in full force, winding tighter and tighter with every single thrust. It wasn't even a full two minutes before he let out a howl of pleasure, his orgasm slamming into him harshly, his pussy gripping Kyo and milking him, more fluid gushing out around him.

Kaoru chuckled darkly, rubbing his fingers gently up and down Die's arm as his lover flailed around under Kyo and came again. The blonde looked frustrated, still finding orgasm elusive despite it feeling so good; when Die gripped around him, he gasped, spearing deep into him and stilling for a moment, but the sensation passed and so did the feeling like he might get a little closer to climax. Growling, he slowed his thrusts down, shifting back over Die to be holding himself up on his arms, Die's legs put back down on the bed. Wanting to see Die pushed beyond his limits, Kaoru snuck a hand between them and Kyo moved around to help give him room so that he could start jacking his lover off in time to the blonde's thrusts.

Die shivered, doing his best to clamp down around Kyo and give him more friction, hoping it would help him get off. His hand moved down from his hair, rubbing over the bed for a minute before Kaoru started jacking him off. He let out a sharp cry, immediately reaching up, grabbing Kyo's arm rather harshly, his eyes wide. Between the two, it wasn't long before he was almost sobbing with pleasure, his senses not quite sure what to do with all the input right after release.

Kyo slowed his thrusts down, leaning over, he and Kaoru kissing over Die's face and mouth, chittering back and forth to each other. Kaoru moved closer to Die, pressing up against his body, stroking him to the best of his ability, wanting him to cum again, wanting to wear him out. He usually stopped after a point because he knew Die hurt after climax sometimes, but just then, he didn't care. He wanted to see just how many times his lover could get off.

Die whimpered, shuddering harshly. He could feel another orgasm building up quickly inside him. He started babbling random nonsense, not even knowing what he wanted to say or why he was even talking. Tears coursed down his face, though they were the kind that was born from overwhelming sensation, not from pain. It wasn't long before a deep shudder worked its way through him, his next orgasm hitting him. It wasn't overly intense, too soon to be as harsh as the other two so far, but it was still an orgasm nonetheless.

Kyo stopped when he felt Die shudder again, panting and taking a little break. He sat back on his knees, just the head of his cock inside Die still, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face. Kaoru, hard again, got up on his knees next to Kyo, leaning to touch his chest, trailing down his abs, kissing his neck and then, both of them watching Die, they kissed each other, tongues playing between their mouths in a way that was only useful for show. Reaching around, already having lubed his fingers again, Kaoru started to work a finger into Kyo, making him pant and push slightly into Die, all the while still kissing the oldest man, gripping his hair.

Die peered up at them, his entire body drenched in sweat, his chest heaving for breath. He couldn't stop the slight trembling he was doing, but he didn't care. The sight of the other two kissing one another made him let out a soft moan. He knew he could never get tired of this. Even if he was relegated to watching, he knew he'd still love every second. He moaned softly when Kyo pushed into him a little more, his hand snaking down to touch the part of Kyo's dick that wasn't in him, rubbing over the shaft and reaching out to fondle his balls.

Kyo's brown eyes rolled, a hoarse moan leaving him. Kaoru bit his bottom lip, hard, pulling up another moan, and then moved behind him, positioning himself at Kyo's entrance. The blonde leaned forward a little to make it easier, kissing Die's chest idly, pushing in slowly, though Die's hand around him with his tip in the other's pussy had felt rather amazing. "It's hard for me to cum when I'm drunk," he explained, nuzzling Die's collar bone. "Maybe I'll get off with Kaoru fucking me, too."

A growl was heard from behind him and Kyo gasped as the other started to push in. "You'd better cum for me, little bitch." Kyo mewled loudly in Die's ear, the lack of proper prep adding just enough pain to the mix. Slowly, he started moving again, pushing into Die and sliding off Kaoru, and then sliding out of Die and impaling himself onto the oldest man's cock. Kaoru held onto Kyo's hips while he moved, staying still for now, just watching the other fuck his lover and effectively fuck himself onto his dick at the same time.

Die nodded a little to Kyo, murmuring, "It's okay... as long as you need, I'm here." He took advantage of the new position, wrapping his arms around Kyo, his nails scratching over anywhere Kyo didn't have tattoos. He let out a soft moan arching under him. A little breathless laugh left him. "How does it still feel so amazing?" he wondered aloud. By all rights, he should have been sore as all hell, but he wasn't. Instead, he was just floating in pleasure.

Kyo flinched and writhed at the clawing; that paired with Kaoru fucking him from behind was just what he needed to start climbing towards his release. He sucked at Die's neck rather harshly, pushing into him with quick snaps of his hips that were spaced at a medium pace. Kaoru had started to thrust slightly, working with Kyo's own movements, and the blonde felt like he was on fire. His body was tensed, sweating, his face red. "Claw me harder, Die. Please, make me bleed." Kaoru started fucking him harder, faster, dictating his rhythm into Die, and he edged ever closer to sweet bliss.

Die let out a pleased sound when Kyo asked him to make him bleed. Quickly he found space on Kyo's skin that wasn't inked, both hands clawing down as hard as he could, a rather feral growl as he did so. Immediately the blood began to flow, but Die didn't stop there. He continued, his nails drawing crisscrossing lines over Kyo's body, something inside him losing it, letting out his most sadistic wants and desires. His fingers coated with Kyo's blood as he craned up, smashing his mouth against the other's, kissing him harshly.

Something about the blood being brought this way didn't make Kaoru queasy the way it would have any other time, just as he wasn't really bothered with Kyo did such things to himself on stage. Instead, he watched Die tear the singer's back apart, fucking Kyo harder as the blonde screamed Die's name, begging for more and praising what he was receiving already. His thrusts became quick and almost panicky and Kaoru kept up, watching Kyo. He felt his ass clench around him and then pulse, and Kyo screamed himself hoarse into the pillow by Die's head, slamming all the way into the other and spilling what seemed like buckets of hot cum, his release so intense he went limp for a moment, blacking out for a brief moment before coming back to his senses, cock still twitching a little.

Die continued until Kyo was screaming into the pillow. Almost instantly, he switched to gently touching him, nuzzling against his neck, lightly peppering kisses over him. The warmth of Kyo's cum flooding him was very welcome, Die's slick passage accepting the offering. Just the feeling of Kyo's orgasm triggered the tiniest of orgasms for Die, a few tiny ripples of his inner muscles. When Kaoru moved Kyo, starting to thrust into him more, Die cooed out his approval, his bloodied fingertips lightly playing over Kyo's nipples, leaving behind crimson smudges. He had this lovely smile on his face, his eyes watching both Kaoru and Kyo.

Kyo purred a little at Die touching his nipples, vaguely aware of it. He leaned his head back onto Kaoru's shoulder, taking his cock quite willingly, mentally urging him to cum. Kaoru kissed Kyo's neck and the blonde reached up a hand to thread in the other's long, dark hair, but just as Kaoru had lifted his head to kiss the singer, Kyo's fingers tightened and yanked, hard, making Kaoru scream and sending him over the edge.

Kaoru clutched onto Kyo, emptying into him, staying there for a few moments, hugging the other around the waist, before coming back to his senses a little. Realizing the blonde was still actively bleeding, he pulled out of him carefully, shifting off the bed as Kyo moved to pull out of Die, a little river of his cum leaking out of the redhead and onto the sheets. Kaoru reached out to Kyo and helped him off the bed, murmuring in a calming voice that he'd get him cleaned up. 

Kyo trembled, shaking from the intense experience, and let Kaoru lead him into the bathroom, where the other started him a shower and held him up in it, letting him just stand under the spray for a while so he could collect himself, the water running off him swirling pink down the drain for several long moments before it began to run clear.

Die wasn't far behind them, somehow managing to get off the bed, limping into the bathroom. He managed to get into the shower as well, the little area filled up with the three of them in there at once. He nuzzled up to both of them, rinsing off his fingers and then starting to wipe the remaining blood from Kyo's body, his free arm around Kaoru's waist.

Kyo seemed to sag, looking a little shell-shocked and gravitating towards Kaoru, hugging onto him and making little whimpering sounds as Die washed his back. Kaoru tried to rinse off while still holding Kyo up. He kissed Die's head and gave him a weak smile, ready to get them both into bed so he could lock up the house for the night and go to sleep.

Die used a little soap on his hands, fully washing Kyo's back off and then dipping his fingers down, cleaning him out, his other hand cleaning Kyo's dick off as well. Once he was done with that, he gently kissed Kyo's cheek and shifted to Kaoru. He cleaned him up just the same and then quickly did the same job on himself. As soon as he was done, he reached to turn off the shower and opened the door, getting out and limping over to get three towels. He handed one off to each of them and then headed to the bedroom to change the sheets out.

Kaoru dried off and then leaned Kyo up against the counter, patting his back dry for him, making sure the bleeding had stopped. He put his arm around the younger man and led him back into the bedroom, pulling out a big black t-shirt for him to wear just in case it started bleeding again during the night. Kyo took it and pulled it on, nearly falling as he tried to put on a pair of Kaoru's underwear as well. Kaoru had figured he was in no shape to go digging through his suitcase, after all. It was easiest for Kyo to just wear some of his things tonight. He looked like he was about to drop.

Cracking a water bottle open, he handed it to Kyo, helping Die get the sheets off and putting new ones on. He kissed his lover gently and walked out, leaving the laundry for in the morning. "I'm gonna lock up, I'll be right back."

Die was quick to get the sheets off the bed, using Kaoru's help to get the new ones on in as much of a hurry as he possibly could. He moved the plastic trashcans closer to the bedsides, making sure they had new plastic liners in them. From the bathroom, he brought back six aspirin, handing Kyo two, putting two next to Kaoru's water bottle, and taking the other two with his own water. Heading off the inevitable hangover was something of a specialty and he knew he was still going to pay for that much to drink, but this would all lessen the severity of it.

He crawled into bed, gently tugging Kyo in as well. "Did I hurt you too bad?" he asked softly, a little worried about the wounds and the amount of blood.

Kyo shook his head, falling into bed, curling up against Die and making a hoarse croak in response. He nuzzled down against the other, not really awake anymore, but not quite asleep. 

Die finished off his water, putting the bottle on the dresser and then gently tucking him and Kyo in.

Kaoru came back into the room, taking the aspirin and drinking down half of his water bottle, going around to his side of the bed and cutting off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. Pulling back the covers, he slid between them, stretching out in the open spot on the bed and trying to get comfortable.

When Kaoru came in, Die slid his free hand back, trying to pull Kaoru closer to him. His mind was already on the way toward sleepy-land, but he still wanted to make sure Kaoru was close, needing the security of his lover's body against his own.

Kaoru scooted closer, fitting against Die's back, reaching an arm across his lover and resting his hand on a now sleeping Kyo's hip. He tucked his chin down against Die's shoulder and relaxed, gone no sooner than he had closed his eyes.

Die was the last to drift off, whispering a quiet, "I love you," into the darkness before his body finally gave out, his form going limp, mind falling into the abyss of the land somewhere between blackness and sleep.

**To Be Continued…**


	40. Chapter 39

Though it had been several hours, what felt like only a few minutes later, the alarm on Kaoru’s nightstand went off. He was glad for once that he kept his alarm set on the weekdays, just in case Die ever forgot. His lover's phone wasn't going off along with the clock alarm. Kaoru took a deep breath and rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes and slowly getting out of bed, turning the alarm off and going to relieve himself before padding back into the bedroom and crawling up behind Die. Kyo looked almost dead, curled with his back to Die, drooling a little. Die didn't even hear the alarm. He was about as dead to the world as Kyo was, his face buried in his pillow, one arm thrown over Kyo's side, the other under his own body.

Shaking Die's shoulder, his head pounding slightly, Kaoru leaned over and spoke in a low, hoarse voice, "Baby, it's time to get up... come on, wakey wakey." 

He kissed his lover's ear and shook him again before going into the kitchen, stretching and yawning, starting up a pot of coffee. Anymore, he got up with Die every morning, making his lover coffee and his lunch and sometimes breakfast. He opened the back door, stepping out to a pleasantly cool morning, the sun just beginning to rise, and smoked a half of cigarette that had been left in the ashtray before going to check to make sure Die had actually gotten up.

When Kaoru shook his shoulder, Die groaned, rubbing his cheek against his pillow, trying to ignore the shaking and the words. But once he heard Kaoru fiddling with coffee, he started to drift closer to consciousness. Right... work. He winced, rolling over onto his back. Pushing himself up, he instantly felt an intense wave of nausea flood through his body. With the sound of the back door closing, he dashed to the bathroom, barely making it in time to get rid of whatever was left in his stomach into the toilet.

Oh yeah... today was going to be _wonderful_.

Kaoru put his ear to the closed bathroom door, seeing the light on under it. At the sound of retching, he winced, knocking softly. "Honey? You okay?"

Die managed to get his hair into his hand, holding it back while he continued to puke his guts out into the toilet. Fumbling a little, he managed to flush the toilet, his body thankfully giving him a little bit of pause to breathe. Glassy eyes turned to the door and he sniffed a little before spitting in the toilet. "No," he replied before promptly throwing up again.

Kaoru sighed, going into the kitchen and heating a mug of water in the microwave, pulling down herbs and a cheesecloth quickly, throwing together a tea his mother had taught him to make for nausea, which usually accompanied his worse headaches. He let it steep for a moment and then brought it to the bathroom, slowly opening the door and setting the mug on the bathroom counter. "A little better now?" he asked, going over to Die and rubbing his back.

Die looked up at him from where he was kneeling in front of the toilet, his arms draped over the edges. He was slick with cold sweat, his skin looking rather grey around the edges, and his pupils were blown rather wide. A shiver wracked his entire body and he barely got up from the floor to sit on the toilet before he started to pee. Hanging his head, leaning it on his hands, he muttered, "Fuckin' miserable hangover from hell." He lifted his head and made a face at Kaoru. "You're not hung over?"

Kaoru frowned and put the mug of tea on the corner of the counter next to the toilet as a sign for Die to drink it when he was ready. Leaning over, he kissed the top of his lover's head, not caring he'd just thrown up and was peeing - he probably needed the affection just now. "Yeah, I'm hung over, not too bad, though. I have headaches all the time, anyway, it's nothing new."

Die let out a whimper. "If I'm this bad... Kyo's gonna puke to death," he mumbled. "Make sure he sees the trashcan next to the bed when he wakes up... for the love of god." Finishing up, he didn't bother wiping, just pushing himself up and stumbling into the shower and turning on the water. He leaned against the wall, looking miserable.

Kaoru left the bathroom once Die was in the shower, going to check on Kyo. Carefully, he stroked the others blonde hair, waking him up slowly. 

The other smacked his lips, squinting at Kaoru, then starting to whine. 

"Do you feel nauseous?" Kaoru asked him. 

Kyo whimpered and shook his head.

"Just bad headache?" 

Another whine, this time a yes. 

"Do you want some water or anything?" 

A negative, pathetic, high-pitched sound. 

"Just want to go back to sleep?" 

A tiny nod. There were tears forming at the corners of Kyo's eyes; he was obviously feeling really terrible. 

"Okay, I was just checking on you." He leaned forward and kissed Kyo's temple, going back to the kitchen to make sure the coffee was still brewing and then putting together a lunch for Die with the leftovers from the Japanese meal they'd had the day before yesterday. He put some rice balls in with a chicken curry, along with some carrot sticks and white grapes and some salted edamame. He put a little can of V8 in there, knowing from experience that it was honestly a great cure for hang overs, and put a note in the little zip-up container-- _D--Hope you feel better, drink lots of water. I love you, K_

Die somehow made it through his shower and managed to get everything else done for his morning routine before drinking the tea that Kaoru had made. He ended up stumbling around the bedroom, trying to find his work clothing and get dressed. By the time he was done and standing in the kitchen, he already knew he was going to be late by about five minutes. All the same, he stood there, looking rather zombie-like for a minute before he reached to hug Kaoru, sticking his nose against his lover's neck.

Kaoru hugged him back, rubbing the back of his neck. "Just make it through today and then you'll be have the weekend. When you get home, I'll draw you a bath and give you a back rub, how about that?" He kissed his lover soundly and waited for him to be ready to leave, wanting to walk him out to his car. He hoped Die didn't think his morning routine with him was over-bearing; he did it because it made him happy doing things for Die, actually spending time with him instead of just sleeping through his lover having to get up five days a week and leave him for most of the day.

Die grunted into his neck and then pulled back, yawning widely. He picked up his lunch off the counter, plodding off to the back door and stuffing his feet into tennis shoes. He wasn't supposed to wear them to work, but right then he didn't give a rat's ass. "I love you," he murmured, lighting pecking Kaoru on the lips before he dragged himself off to his car, getting in and pulling out of the driveway a few moments later.

Kaoru leaned on the porch and waved, waiting until Die had disappeared from view before turning to go back into the house, clean up a bit from last night, and then go about his usual routine, getting ready to go for a jog.

Showing up late at work turned out not to be any kind of problem at all. Most of the staff were in a meeting that Die wasn't supposed to attend that had started an hour earlier than his scheduled time to show up. Absolutely no one saw him slip in and wander over to his cubicle. Most of the morning was spent with trips to the bathroom and what felt like gallons of water to make up for what he was periodically puking back up.

By the time lunch rolled around, Die felt like he'd been hit by a train and left to die by the tracks. He settled down in the corner of his cubicle, not bothering to leave, and opened his lunch box. He pulled out the note, read it, smiled, and put it with the other notes in his desk drawer. Pulling out the grapes and the juice, he left the rest in the bag, zipping it back up. His stomach was not going to allow that to go in it right then.

Through some blessed miracle, he managed to stop throwing up after that, allowing him another portion of the day to actually get some work done. Somewhere in the back of his mind, there was a nagging feeling that he needed to go talk to HR like Kaoru had told him to, but he kept putting it off.

Hours passed by and Die finished up a project, sending it to his boss. Just as he hit send, there was a tap on the flimsy wall of his cubicle. "Daisuke?" His head snapped up, eyes wide. His boss stood there, looking rather annoyed. "Yes, Sir?"

His boss snorted. "Your faggot ass party too hard last night?"

Die gritted his teeth, his only response to shrug.

"Jillian from recording and filing saw you and _two_ men last night." He laughed bitterly and then shook his head. "You know how I feel about you flaunting your devil ways."

Die's back went rigid. He just wasn't in the fucking mood today. He shoved his chair back and stood up, getting right in his boss's face. "Oh yeah? Well maybe you have no fucking say over what I do outside of work. Did that thought ever occur to you?"

His boss looked honestly shocked, backing up a step, his mouth working for a moment. But then he seemed to get a hold of himself and he stabbed a finger in Die's chest. "Yeah, well, there's fucking rumors you're not even a fucking man, Daisuke!"

Blood red rage surged through Die as he slapped the other man's hand away. "Don't you _ever_ fucking touch me!" He'd had it... had it to the end of his fraying rope. Brushing past him, he stomped off down the hall, shoving into the glass doors at the opposite end of the hallway from the elevator and storming up to the secretary's desk. "Melanie... NOW!" he barked out.

The girl looked startled, quickly getting up and rushing into the office behind her. There was a lot of high-pitched, fast talking, and then she stepped out, holding the door open for him. "Go in."

Die slipped in past her and she shut the door. He stood there, right next to the door, almost shaking with anger. "I'm done. I'm fucking done," he announced.

Melanie looked shocked and rather confused, gesturing at the chair in front of her desk. "Please... have a seat, Daisuke."

Stiffly, he walked to the chair, sitting on the very edge of it, looking ready to bolt at any moment.

"What's wrong?"

He threw up his hands. "Where do I start? Oh, how about with my boss? How about the fact that he's been calling me names ever since I got here? Names like faggot, queer, queen, ass-fucker... if you can think of it, he's used it to refer to me or directly to my face!" His hands fell to his lap where he clenched them into fists, his anger ready to make him snap. "I've put up with all of his bullshit and the whispering of everyone else in this god-forsaken place, but I can't take it anymore. They threw me a fucking party just to make fun of me for being gay... and now... _now_ ," he got up, starting to pace back and forth in front of the desk, trying to work off his anger, "now he accused me of not even being male!" He stopped, staring at her. "Even if it were true it would be no one’s fucking business but my own!"

Melanie stared at him in utter shock. "Die," she murmured, reverting to the name he asked to be called around the office, "why didn't you come to us earlier about this?"

Die shook his head. "It doesn't matter if they're homophobes. But when it gets this bad... I just..." he almost deflated, plopping into the chair and pushing his head into his hands, "I can't do it anymore, Melanie... I can't."

She pushed a piece of paper toward him. "Would you write down everyone who was in on the party and anything else for me please? Company policy dictates they are all required to go to diversity training. Your boss will be suspended with pay for the duration of the training, as will anyone else in his pay grade."

Die scooted forward, taking the paper and pulling his pen from his pocket, scribbling down a long list of names before pushing the paper back to her.

Her thin eyebrows arched at the length of the list and she shook her head. "Wow... all of them?"

He nodded, closing his eyes. "Listen... I... I don't want to be the brunt of this shit anymore and I just know if I stay, it'll get worse after they're 'punished' for doing this to me. I... I don't want to stay," he choked out.

She tapped her finger on the paper for a moment and then nodded. "Die... as a friend, not as a co-worker... you know you could probably make it easily somewhere else, right?"

He nodded, swallowing as he looked up at her. "So I've been told."

She nodded. "Are you serious about quitting?"

Again, he nodded.

"When?"

"Today. I can't do it anymore... at all. I'm ready to snap." He gestured at her door. "You saw how angry I was."

It was her turn to nod. "Yes... well..." she sighed softly and pulled up a document on her computer. "I will make it look like you filed your two weeks’ notice due to the circumstances. Today is officially your last day. Due to the nature of your involvement in the large ESP project, we will be required to give them the option to remain with you personally. Go pack up your stuff and bring me the copies of the files you're working on currently. I will give you copies of those and write you a letter of recommendation. Whatever jobs you apply to after this, put me as your manager, understood?"

Die slowly got up, nodding and giving her a slight bow of thanks before he headed for the door.

"Die?" He turned to look back at her. "Be fast about packing up would you?"

He nodded and headed out.

Less than half an hour later, he was walking out to his car, pulling a little hand cart with three boxes strapped to it and a world of burden lifted from his shoulders. Now the only problem was finding a new job. And telling Kaoru what he'd done.

The entire ride home, Die tried to figure out what to tell Kaoru. Twice he ended up in tears, not really understanding why he was so upset about it, but just letting it happen anyway. When he pulled up, he situated himself, getting out of the car with his lunch box and the envelope containing his letter of recommendation.

Kaoru was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the living room with a recovering Kyo when he heard Die's car pull up, giving a confused look and going out onto the porch, wondering if Die had gotten too sick to stay. He went down into the yard and leaned to kiss Die as he got out of his car. "Hey... you're home early. Is everything okay?"

Die kind of winced when Kaoru asked him if everything was okay. He shook his head, taking Kaoru's hand and leading him inside, away from the car and the evidence. He slipped off his shoes and tossed his lunch in the fridge, heading into the living room and plopping down on the couch. He buried his head in his hands, letting out a miserable sob, not really knowing where to start.

Kaoru looked concerned as Die pulled him wordlessly into the house. Sensing that they needed some time alone together, Kyo slipped out on the porch before they entered the living room. Kaoru sat down next to Die, his heart breaking a little when his lover let out a sob. He put his arms around Die and squeezed him. "Pumpkin, what happened?" A thousand different scenarios raced through his head.

Die shook his head, just leaning over and shoving his face against Kaoru's neck. It took him a full five minutes before he finally sat back, sniffling and mopping at his face. After he caught his breath, he whispered out, "I quit."

By the time Die finally spit out what was wrong, Kaoru was so relieved to know it wasn't the collection of horrible things he'd concocted that he hardly cared at first that their income had just been cut in half. He grabbed Die and hugged him, excited. "Really?! Please tell me you made a scene and told those bastards to kiss your ass?"

Die let out a pitiful laugh. "No... but they have to do some training shit... boss is suspended without pay... and HR made it look like I gave my two weeks’ notice." He sighed, reaching for a tissue and blowing his nose. Tossing it in the little trash can, he shook his head. "Didn't really wanna go to jail for clocking my boss."

Kaoru let out a little laugh, squeezing Die again, kissing his cheek. "I'm so proud of you, though. We'll figure out the money, I'm just glad you're away from that place." He held onto the other for a while, loving on him a little before pulling back, blushing. "So, um... my day's been kind of eventful, too..."

Die sagged back against the couch, nodding a little. "Don't tell me you quit, too?"

Kaoru shook his head, laughing a little. "No, I still have my job. And my stock stuff is selling pretty well; we'll be fine for a while. Actually, um..." He scratched the back of his head, wondering where to start. "So, I went running this morning, and I took a different way, down that gravel road behind the river walk, at the dead end down that way?" He pointed vaguely towards the end of the neighborhood. "Anyway, I was running and there's litter and junk all down the road, and when I passed this one spot, I thought I heard something, and on my way back, I heard it again, so I stopped and looked around, and there was this big cardboard box with little whines coming from it and - oh baby, this is so sad, I cried - somebody had dumped puppies out there." He paused for a minute, looking sincerely downcast. "They were all covered in flies and looked dirty and really thin, and I reached down to pick up the one that was whining, and," he got a little choked up thinking about it, "I realized the other ones hadn't made it. I mean, it's been really hot and dry this week and who knows how long they'd been out there."

Die listened to Kaoru, his face a mask of horror at the part about someone dumping the puppies. He hated it when people were assholes to creatures that needed their help rather than to be dumped on like that. And worse... the other puppies had died.

He shifted a little on the couch, facing Die more. "Anyway, so I rushed home and wrapped him in a towel and went up to the animal shelter place to see if they could do anything for him. They'll take care of all the shots and stuff with a found animal, they just ask for donations, so I paid fifty and they checked him over and gave him his boosters and... well..." He got up, opening the front door and stepping out onto the porch, returning with a little grey mound in his arms and Kyo behind him. "I gave him a bath and got him to eat and everything... I don't know if he'll make it, he's really weak, but... I couldn't just leave him there." He sat down next to Die, the skinny puppy shifting around in Kaoru's arms, its tired, sad eyes, a greyish-green, looking at Die passively.

Die reached out for it, wanting to hold it. "You poor thing," he whispered, "but you ate... that's good... right?" he peered down at the pup, hoping that was true. Usually creatures that weren't going to make it tended not to eat and usually refused to drink.

Kaoru handed him over, the little dog - most likely a pit bull from the way he looked - not moving much, just lying in Die's arms, shivering. He had a dark grey nose and a white patch that ran from just below his eyes down onto his chest, his front right paw wearing a little white sock. Kaoru scritched his belly while Die held him. 

Kyo leaning into Kaoru to reach and play with a little back foot. "He's so cute! And he'll be a big dog, so you've got built-in security right there." He was still groggy from the hangover, but something about the little creature had brought light into his eyes, making him look very young. 

Kaoru leaned his head on Die's shoulder. "We don't have to keep him, but I at least wanted to make sure he got healthy."

Die beamed down at the little guy, cradling him close to his body. He curled up on the couch, gently stroking over the pups ears. "Why wouldn't I want to keep him? He's adorable... and I wanted a pet anyway... remember?" He put his finger near the pup’s nose, gently touching it and earning a lick. He giggled softly before moving to scritch behind the puppy's ears.  
A slightly somber look came over him. "We have to bury them, Kaoru... we can't just let his siblings lie out there and rot in a box."

Kaoru frowned deeper, sitting back against the couch. 

Kyo could tell the idea of seeing their little bodies, like they were just asleep and knowing that they weren't, was hurting Kaoru bad. He squeezed the older man's hand, pursing his lips. "Do you want just me and Die to go?"

Kaoru shook his head. "No, I'll go... they're hard to find, anyway, the box is set out in some tall grass."

Die frowned softly. "I know it's hard... but... they don't deserve what happened to them." He looked down at the pup, who whined softly. Pressing his fingers to his lips, he brought them down to the dog's nose, gently depositing a kiss there. Gently, he settled the pup down on the couch and stood up, yanking at his clothing as he headed to the bedroom. He tossed his work clothing aside, pulling on a pair of black cargo shorts and a white tank top before he came back out and headed to the laundry room. When he came back out of there, he was holding a shovel and wearing a very determined look on his face.

Kaoru had put a little collar on the puppy and a matching leash while Die got dressed, Kyo digging some incense from his bag and a few yen coins, putting them in his pocket. Standing, the puppy tucked under his arm, Kaoru sighed. "I'll drive. It's about two miles away, not something to walk and then dig." He went out the back way, Kyo following him to his car where he got in the driver's seat, setting the pup in his lap and then waiting for Die.

Die grabbed a large fluffy white towel and then headed out to the car. He slipped into the back seat of the car, letting Kyo sit up front and sat there, a somber look on his face, his head bowed.

Kaoru drove slowly through the neighborhood towards the more rundown back section of it, along the backside of the river walk which ran from bridge to bridge down the river on the west side of the city. When he reached the dead-end, he parked, getting out, carrying the little dog in his arms and started into walk down the gravel road. Hardly a hundred feet down it, he stopped, starting to look around. Kyo started looking, too, asking if there was anything on the box. Kaoru shook his head. "No, it was just a plain brown box."

Die got out, carrying the shovel, following after them, padding around and looking for the box. After a few minutes, he found it, staring at it with tears in his eyes. "Found it," he murmured, kneeling down and braving sticking his hands in, making absolutely certain the other pups were really dead and not just passed out or something.

Kaoru and Kyo both walked over, Kaoru hugging the little dog to him, subconsciously covering his eyes. There were four others in the box, one very small, all of them white or grey except for a tan one, all just as skinny as the one that had lived. Kyo glued himself to Kaoru's side, squeezing his hand, feeling tears sting his eyes. "Who would do this?" he croaked out. Kaoru just shook his head, passing the puppy off to Kyo and going to help Die.

"I'll start digging," he said quietly, taking the shovel and starting a hole in the soft, moist earth just beside the box.

"Sick, twisted, assholes... that's who," Die murmured softly. He found himself sitting there, tears running down his face while he carefully moved the pups to the towel he'd brought, nestling them all together like they were just asleep in a little puppy pile. He sniffled, carefully brushing the bugs off of them and then wrapping them tight in the towel. He pulled out a silk ribbon from his pocket, tying the towel together with it so it wouldn't just flop open, and then slipped a small folded piece of paper under the ribbon.

Kaoru dug down and then out, the soil loose and making it easy to get about a foot and a half deep within about ten minutes. Kyo stood with Die, watching him prepare the little dogs, crying and pretending like he wasn't. He pulled the yen out of his pocket and put them at the bottom of the grave, stepping back and lighting the stick of incense, spearing it into the ground to burn. Kaoru stepped back and waited for Die to put the puppies in, the lucky one sitting at Kyo's feet, chin rested on the blonde's toes, Kyo holding the leash.

Die gently moved the pups, settling them down into the hole and carefully picking up the first handful of dirt, sprinkling it over them before he settled back, silently crying, his hand on the little pup's head, gently stroking.

Kaoru sniffed, blinking the tears away, and started to cover the towel-covered puppies up. Just as he started to pile the dirt back over them, the lucky one picked up his little head and started to whine, almost like he was trying to howl. 

Kyo slapped a hand over his mouth, letting out a sob.

Die gently picked up the puppy, standing up and cradling him in between him and Kyo, holding his friend close while he watched Kaoru cover the pups up.

Kyo hugged onto Die, rubbing the little grey head with a shaking hand. 

Kaoru poured the dirt back into the grave and patted it down, wiping his eyes and then his hands off on his pants. Sighing, he took some larger rocks and put them together in a little circle shape, taking a small dog bone that had been in his pocket since going to the animal rescue shelter and putting it in the middle of the stones. "I guess that's it..."

Die kept Kyo close, crying right along with him. Once Kaoru was done, Die shifted the pup into Kyo's hold, reaching out for Kaoru so they could all walk back to the car huddled together.

Kaoru put his arm around Die's waist, getting back to the car where Kyo got into the back seat, hugging the puppy to his face, whispering to it. Kaoru put the shovel in the trunk and then started back towards the house, feeling both relieved and sad at the same time.

Die sat in the front seat, wiping at the tears that wouldn't seem to stop, sniffling in a way that made him think of how his mother used to tell him to blow it not snort it. He shifted a little and reached into his pocket to get some tissue to blow his nose into. "So... what should we name the pup?" he asked softly, wanting to change the topic.

Kaoru reached over and squeezed Die's knee, driving back through the neighborhood. "I haven't really thought about it. Something manly. He's probably going to be really bulky. Or just the opposite, we could name him something really delicate." He tried to smile, looking at the puppy in the rear view, held up under Kyo's chin. "What should we call you, little guy?"

Die turned to look at him and then smiled softly. "Mmm... I dunno. We'll see with time, maybe." He gave a little sigh. "Eventful day... for sure."

Kaoru drove up their street, turning and going down the paved alley to pull up behind the house, next to Die's car. He got out and opened the back door for Kyo, who slid out, both hands on the puppy, who looked like he was either asleep, or very near to it. He unlocked the back door and let them all in, Kyo immediately settling cross-legged on the leather couch in the parlor, the little dog in his lap. Kaoru put his keys on the counter and opened the fridge. "He still doesn't have a bed and his own bowls or toys. Do you want to make a quick run up into town and go by PetSmart? I was thinking about making manicotti and I don't have any ricotta, so I need to go out, anyway." He closed the fridge and brushed a hand down Die's cheek. "Wanna get cleaned up and come with me? Kyo looks like he's about to take a nap, anyway." Indeed, the blonde was sagging over the arm of the couch, eyelids drooping.

Die headed in behind them, getting the shovel out and taking to the laundry room. When he came back out, he gave a soft smile to the pup and his friend. "Yeah... we can leave them to rest and go." He moved quietly over to the two, gently stroking the puppy's ear and then giving Kyo an affectionate little half-scritch, half-pet to his hair.

Coming back over to the kitchen, he washed up and made sure his shorts and tank top were still clean. Once that was done, he took Kaoru's hand, bringing it gently to his lips and pressing a kiss to it. With a small smile, he tugged Kaoru toward the back door again.

Kyo mumbled something and moved to lay down on the couch, curled up, the puppy lying in front of him, back against his chest. Kyo took the leash off and let it drop down onto the floor before settling down and taking a nap. 

Kaoru washed his hands in the kitchen sink and pulled his hair up into a ponytail before following Die out to the car. He got in and started towards the shopping area of town. He reached over and took Die's hand. "We'll have to really spend a lot of time with him, make sure he's well-trained. And eventually fix the fence at the side of the yard... while he's still a puppy, we can keep him inside, mostly, especially right now since he's still kind of death warmed over." He chuckled a little. "You know, if we had seen him at an adoption place or something, I wouldn't have cared. I'm really not a dog person. But finding him like that, and spending all day with him, making sure he was eating and drinking water and getting affection... I think I'm already in love."

Die settled into the car as well, holding Kaoru's hand once it was given to him. "I'm not really a dog person either, to be honest. But he's so cute... and helpless..." _just like a real baby_ , his mind supplied, though he didn't speak that part aloud. He squeezed Kaoru's hand tighter. "I hope he makes it... it'll break my heart if he doesn't."

"Mine, too..." He sighed, rolling down the window a little to let in some of the summer breeze. "I still don't know what to name him... I don't even have any ideas yet. You?"

Die let out a soft hum and then a laugh. "We could call him Cerberus."

Kaoru tilted his head, repeating the name. "I actually kind of like that, but it's sort of hard for me to say." He started thinking of mythic hounds, not coming up with anything.

"Mm... we could go with Shuck or Dip if those are easier," Die offered, recalling a few names of dogs that had become known as hellhounds over the years in various parts of the world.

"I don't know why, but Aleister sticks out for me..." He shrugged. "We'll see. The more we learn his personality, the easier it will be to name him." He waited at a light to turn, pulling into the strip mall where the PetSmart was, parking and getting out with a stretch. He put his arm around Die's waist and walked in, looking around for the dog section and heading that way.

Die was quick to follow Kaoru, putting two fingers through Kaoru's belt-loop and hanging on as they walked around. He spotted a pretty little mat with paw prints all over it that said _Puppy_ across it. He grinned, picking it up. "Kaoruuuuu?" he asked, blinking prettily at him.

Kaoru laughed a little, nodding. "Okay, okay." He put his arm over Die's shoulders and looked at the water and food bowls, bending down to grab two small white ones. They could get better ones once he was grown and needed a bigger bowl anyway. Walking down towards the books on dogs, he also grabbed a box of puppy pads off the shelf. He stood in front of the books, looking at one for new puppy owners, and one on American Pit Bull Terriers, which was obviously, from looking at the photo, what their little dog was. "Can you think of anything else we'd need?" he asked, trying to think what a puppy would need. "I've already got a bag of puppy food at the house."

"A ball... the bed... and um... treats?" Die bounced a little on his feet.

Kaoru grabbed the two books and walked around the aisle to the other side where there were toys and training snacks. He looked around, finding a little cat-shaped stuffed toy with bells on the ears. He laughed a little and picked it up, looking at the smaller tennis balls - the regular ones wouldn't even fit in the puppy's mouth yet - trying to pick a color.

Die picked up a bright green one. "Easy to spot so we don't trip over it." He smiled happily about it. Something about doing this together made him really pleased.

"Good idea." Kaoru had a habit of being rather clumsy, after all. He picked out a box of little treats, realizing they probably should have gotten a basket or something, but they were almost done. He looked around, trying to figure out where the beds were.

Die stared around at the signs, finally finding one that said 'pet beds.' He motioned for Kaoru to follow him, heading off in that direction.

Arms full of stuff, Kaoru followed, letting Die pick. Like the food bowls, it was something the little guy would outgrow pretty quickly, so he didn't really bother putting too much thought in it now, knowing Die would pick one that was nice and comfortable for him.

The redhead moved around the pet bed area, finally finding one that was a soft furry black on the inside and silky black on the outside. He picked it up and held it out. "This work?"

With a little smile, Kaoru nodded, starting to head towards a register before he dropped anything. "It's a start, at least. When we get home, I'm going to try to get him to eat again."

The older woman ringing them up stated the obvious, asking with a wry smile, "New puppy?" Kaoru blushed a little and nodded, asking Die for his debit card so he could pay.

"Remind me to check my accounts when we get home. I just want to assure myself we'll be fine if you don't find a job right away."

Die passed over Kaoru's card, nodding a little. He felt terrible that Kaoru had to be the one supporting them, but he couldn't help but also be relieved that he wasn't working for that terrible place anymore. He'd find something... he knew he would. Even if he had to find a retarded job in between, he would start tomorrow.

Kaoru paid and handed his card back, giving Die a smirk. "It will be nice having you to myself at the house for a while, though. It kind of worked out, honestly, with Kyo here. Now we can do stuff during the day instead of waiting for you to get off work."

Die offered a slight smile to Kaoru. "Yeah... that's true. I'm gonna start putting in applications at places as soon as I can though."

Nodding, Kaoru gathered up the bags, carrying them out to the car and popping his trunk with the remote. He looked across the parking lot at the Michael's craft store. "The party is Saturday. Did you want to go ahead and get decorations or whatever while we're here?"

Die followed him out, holding the pet bed since it didn't go in a bag. He put it in the trunk and then nodded. "I have some of it, but still need the rest."

Closing the trunk, Kaoru started across the parking lot towards the store, stepping in, the smell of plastic flowers and cinnamon scented pine cones hitting him immediately. He looked around for party decorations and headed that way.

Die rushed after Kaoru, grabbing his hand and twining his fingers with his lover's. "You know... I've had to take pain pills three times today already... and only one of those was because of the hangover." He laughed softly, shaking his head.

Kaoru's eyes went wide. "Holy crap. Are you okay?"

Die sucked on his lower lip for a minute and then nodded. "Totally worth it... like a million times over worth it. But I'll be a bit sore for a while." He led them into the aisle with Hawaiian themed party decorations, immediately grabbing a set of eight plastic coconut cups. "These... we have to have these!"

Kaoru pursed his lips, nodding. After all, Kyo had fucked him raw for nearly an hour, he was sure he must have been very sore. He followed after, laughing at Die's enthusiasm over the cups, counting guests on his fingers. "My parents, Sita, your parents and your brother, Kyo, and us. That's nine." He reached up and grabbed a big pineapple shaped cup. "For the host?"

Die nodded. "Works for me!" He wandered off with the cups, picking up some lights shaped like pineapples and bananas and then leis that looked less fake than most. "Should we get some torches for the front yard?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Sure, I don't see why not. Like...two on either side of the little walkway between the sets of stairs or something?" He looked around the aisle, pointing to some yellow and green paper plates with pineapples around the edge, matching napkins and plastic cutlery beside them. "Do we want to do those instead of worrying about actual dishes? ...What are we doing for food, by the way?"

Die bounded over to pick up the plates, grabbing some napkins that matched and the cutlery that had little pineapples on the handles. He pointed at the torches. "Grab a few from over there, yeah?" He picked up some smaller plates as well. "I'm gonna do pineapple upside down cake and I was thinking we could do skewers of meat and roasted veggies."

Kaoru grabbed four torches, nodding. "If all else fails, we can always just do a veggie tray and order some Hawaiian pizzas." He gave a little shrug, smiling. "My parents are bringing Asako down, too. They've got her for the weekend so Sachi and Nick can have a little time to relax before the new baby."

Die grinned. "Yay!" With that in mind, he grabbed a little green plastic-grass skirt meant for children to add to his pile of stuff. "We'll make her fruit punch."

Laughing, Kaoru nodded, grabbing a sippy-cup with tropical fish on it and walking to the end of the aisle. "That's everything, right?"

Die grabbed a pack of random tropical fish patterns to put up. "Yeah... I think so."

Heading towards the registers, Kaoru hummed a little. "I hope everything goes smoothly... there's serious potential for disaster with this..."

Die snorted. "Tell me about it. My parents haven't even bothered to tell me if they're coming yet. Brother said he is, but he was really short about it. Pretty much 'I'll be there. Bye' and that was it."

Kaoru set the things he was carrying on the conveyor belt at a register, sighing. "I just hope if things blow up, it doesn't get too outrageous. I mean... there's a good chance the shit could seriously hit the fan and... well, my parents would probably find out about you." He wrinkled his nose, imagining the total uncomfortable moment that would result in, not to mention the likeliness his mother would be incredibly pissed at both of them for technically lying to her about Die.

Die made a really big face. "Uh... fuck... I kinda forgot they don't know." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Maybe... I should... I don't know."

Kaoru shook his head, managing a quick smile to the clerk that started ringing them up. "If it happens, it happens. They'll find out eventually, anyway."

Die sighed softly. "I dunno... I mean... they don't have to."

"We'll take whatever happens and just deal with it." He rubbed Die's arm. "And maybe, just maybe, things will go really well, and then... I mean, you'd have a family again, Die! It's worth that chance."

Die nodded. "Yeah... maybe. I guess I can dream, right?"

Kaoru leaned and kissed Die's head. "Of course you can, baby." The clerk told them the total and Kaoru moved to gather up the bags.

Die handed over the money for the items. He grabbed the torches and headed off toward the exit. "Mmm... then I guess I'll live in dream land until all hell breaks loose."

Kaoru shook his head, carrying the things out to the car and putting them in the trunk before getting in and heading over the grocery store. "Let's make sure we've got enough booze for sufficient tropical cocktails... last ditch effort, we can always just get my mom drunk."

"I wasn't planning on anything non-alcoholic except the fruit punch." He laughed softly, plopping down in the car and leaning back. "We need a bag of ice and various juices for the mixed drinks, too. May as well pick up the food for the party as well."

He laughed at Die, driving back towards their place to stop at the grocery store not far from their house, which had a liquor store right in the strip mall with it. "Good. I have a feeling that either way, we're going to need it."

"Yeah, I bet we will." Die snorted loudly. "If nothing else, I'll need it to get through things."

Kaoru rubbed Die's hand, pulling off the main road and into the parking lot of the strip mall, pulling up in front of the liquor store, which was right beside the entrance to the grocery store. Just as he shut off the car, Die's phone buzzed with a text from Kyo. _Puppy and I woke up from our nap, I softened some food up in water and he ate like crazy. Took him outside and he pooped. I'm no expert on dog shit, but it looked normal, I guess. I think he's going to be fine._

Die tugged his phone out of his pocket, flipping it open and reading it. He grinned. "Kaoru! The puppy ate and pooped!" He bounced a little as he got out of the car, coming around to show Kaoru the text.

Kaoru burst out laughing, reading the text. He put his hand at the small of Die's back and led him into the liquor store, going to get a bottle of sake for himself; he'd been running low.

Die grinned at him, texting Kyo back. _I'm glad he's okay! Never thought I'd say this... but yay for poop!"_ He sent it, snickering to himself, pushing his phone back into his pocket. He parted from Kaoru in the liquor store, grabbing a basket and starting to fill it with vodka, rum, and a bunch of other stuff into the basket.

Kaoru followed Die around, watching him load up the basket, trying not to say anything about how he could even think about booze after the hangover he'd had that morning, but then again, the events of the day had seemed to make said hangover a thing of the past.

At the very end, he added a couple of bottles off the shelf labeled 'sake' just to try to make a couple people happy if they didn't like mixed drinks. Plus there was a well-stocked fridge with beer in it, so he figured they were covered. Finally, he moved to the register, putting his purchase on the counter and digging out his ID and credit card.

Kaoru put his bottle back, since Die had also gotten sake and waited, shifting his weight around. The potential for serious issues at the house warming were rather great. He pulled out his phone and texted Sita. _Things at the party might go downhill. Bring weed just in case it ends up being me and you and Die's friend left. We can get high and pretend it didn't happen._

Die glanced back at Kaoru when he went to put the bottle back. "Baby, did you want that one, too?"

"Huh? Oh, no," he shook his head. "I'm good, you got some." He squeezed the back of Die's neck and smiled. 

Die nodded. "Good deal," he murmured softly, paying for the booze and then smirking as the guy bagged it all up for him. He left with three bags of booze, feeling like a total alcoholic.

Kaoru opened the back door, taking the bags from Die and putting them in the floorboards where they were less likely to topple over before heading towards the grocery store, grabbing a cart and heading towards the produce section first, getting the few things he would need for dinner and then looking at Die. "This is your thing, baby, I'm following you."

The redhead followed along, humming softly. When Kaoru told him he was following his lead, Die nodded, heading over and grabbing a pineapple, a coconut, a watermelon, and a cantaloupe. "Fruit salad... check. Should we have an actual salad?"

"I think sticking to finger foods and such would be best. We're hardly going to be able to seat everyone, we can't really do a sit-down dinner type thing, so just party food, I think." He made a little face and shrugged.

Die nodded. "Good point. Maybe I should do some cheese and Wheat Thins, too." He bounded off toward the veggies, grabbing onions, squash, zucchini, and mushrooms. "Any other veggies?"

Kaoru pointed to a small tray of vegetables, already cut with ranch dip in the center. "Not unless you wanted to do something like that." He pushed the cart after Die, smirking at how perky he was about planning, despite how badly the event could end up going.

Die made a little face. "Nah... it's all good." Next stop was the meat section. He grabbed a couple packs of beef and pork. "Should we do chicken, too?"

Kaoru nodded. "Yeah, my parents are picky about beef and pork over here. Where do you think I got it from?" He laughed a little, leaning on the cart. He bumped the cart lightly against Die's hip. "That girl over there is checking you out," he told him, switching to Japanese and making a discreet gesture with his eyes to a blonde in shorts and flip-flops giving Die a lingering once over, carrying a basket instead of pushing a cart.

Die picked out some chicken breasts as well, putting the package in the cart. He glanced over at the girl, looking her over. She was actually pretty hot. He offered a shy smile, remembering what Kaoru had said about wanting to fuck a real girl at some point.

Kaoru clenched his jaw, managing not to keep a straight face and not laugh. The girl blushed something terrible and then flipped her platinum ponytail over her shoulder, walking down the aisle towards them, strutting essentially. For only wearing flip-flops, she walked as if she were wearing stilettos, hips swaying and breasts, hiked up in her camisole, bouncing just enough for notice. Kaoru watched her pass, then looked at Die, smirking a little.

Die followed her with his eyes as she moved past, turning to watch her ass leave. He glanced at Kaoru and arched a brow at him with a questioning look.

Kaoru let out a little laugh at the look, starting to push the cart forward. "What, miss your old body so much you've gone a little bi?" he teased lightly, looking down the back of the supermarket, trying to determine which aisle skewers would be on.

Die literally face-palmed at that, shaking his head and blushing. He hissed out softly in Japanese, "You wanted to try!" He pushed his hands into his pockets and headed down to the chips and snacks aisle to get some Wheat Thins.

Kaoru snickered at his lover, following along. "Not with some random slut in the grocery store, honey." He snuck a box of rosemary and olive oil Triscuits into the cart, as well, and a package of golden Oreos.

"Well... from where are we supposed to find a girl? Better than at a bar, probably." He tossed in two boxes of regular Wheat Thins and then a package of Double Stuff regular Oreos to satisfy his chocolate wants.

Kaoru just shook his head, smiling. "I think we can wait for that at least until our current third party has gone home," he said with a grin, meaning Kyo, of course. "Besides, I'm the one doing the fucking; we should probably find a girl that is checking out me instead of you." He patted Die's ass and walked past him, heading towards the grill stuff to find skewers.

Die flushed darkly. Right... there was that issue. "I'm gonna get cheese, okay?" he called after him, heading off past the meats over to the dairy.

"K. Grab some garden veggie cream cheese and a tub of ricotta, too?" He pushed the cart around to the grilling section and got a box of bamboo skewers and then around to the sodas, getting a twelve pack of root beer.

Die nodded, heading off. He found little round cheeses and a nice block of cheddar, then Kaoru's requests. Once he had all that done, he headed off to try to spot Kaoru.

Kaoru was coming around the frozen section, having picked up a small frozen tiramisu for dessert. "Is that all we need?"

"Yeah, I think so," he murmured softly, moving to put his items in the cart as well.

Kaoru started pushing the cart towards a line, leaving it there to go grab the bag of ice Die had mentioned, coming back and starting to unload the cart, putting a little divider bar in front of their things. He pulled out his credit card to pay before Die had a chance to, not really minding and wanting his lover to save what he could for now.

Die helped to unload the cart, humming to himself a little bit. "I hope this is as exciting as I think it will be."

Kaoru laughed, helping the clerk bag things and put them back in the cart to take out to the car. "What, the party? ‘Exciting’ will be a word for it, either way." He took the receipt and went out, popping the trunk and starting to load the groceries in.

"Yeah... the party," he murmured softly, letting Kaoru pay and then moving out after him to help load the trunk up with the food.

**To Be Continued...**


	41. Chapter 40

Die's nerves were completely on edge by the time the morning of the party had arrived. He'd finally gotten a response from his family the night before, telling him that they'd be coming, but nothing more than that. That morning, he prepared everything for the party, hanging the decorations up along the walls, stringing the lights between the parlor and the living room and then putting the torches in the yard. He'd wait until later to light them. Moving around the kitchen and starting to prepare the food for the day, he made up the drink mixes, finishing up the fruit punch and putting it in the fridge, and then made a fruit basket out of the watermelon. Then he prepared the skewers, making sure to keep each meat separate and not touching, just for everyone else's comfort, making sure to even up the veggies on each skewer. 

By the time four thirty rolled around, he'd lit the torches and had the first batch of piña coladas made up and passed out to the three of them. He settled on the couch, wearing his tight red jeans and a black button-down shirt with white swirls on it. He was wearing a purple and white lei around his neck and had his hair freshly dyed red and slightly spiked up. Kaoru and Kyo had just sort of followed Die around, helping and cleaning. They had both tried to look a little more conservative, Kaoru in light jeans and a dark grey shirt, Kyo in dark grey jeans and a white t-shirt, both wearing their hair down and straight. They'd ended up shoving into the bathroom together, talking and trying to be the calm ones to balance out Die's nerves.

"I am nervous as all hell," Die announced.

Sita showed up first, parking in the back by Die and Kaoru's cars, knocking on the back door. Kaoru answered for her, giving her a big hug. Her dark, ruddy skin was set off by a bright blue tank top that was belted over a gold and green gypsy skirt. She took her wedge heels off and left them on the porch, a couple inches shorter than Kyo, her thick, black hair braided and hanging down to her waist. She jingled as she walked, between the bangles and her long, dangling earrings, going over to Die and putting her hands on his shoulders, rising up to kiss his cheek in hello. 

Kaoru took the gift bag she was carrying from her and put a hand on Kyo's shoulder. "Kyo, this is Sita, my best friend since high school. Sita, this is our friend Kyo, he's been visiting with us." 

The two shook hands before Sita glued herself to Kaoru's side. She was exceedingly affectionate with him, but it was simply how they were. "So," she started, her accent present, but not too thick, "how drunk are your parents getting, because your mom is seriously tells the best dirty jokes when she's fucked up." Kaoru turned white, then red, laughing. All he could do was gesture to all the bottles of booze Die had set out on the counter and Sita laughed with him, giving two thumbs up.

Die gave her a brief hug. "Hey, welcome. Thank you for coming," he murmured to her. Once she'd glued herself to Kaoru, Die ended up hanging out really close to Kyo without even realizing what he was doing. "Would you like a piña colada?" he asked Sita softly, holding up his own cup that was filled with the slush-like liquid.

She thought about it for a minute, then shrugged. "Sure. I don't usually drink, but it looks delicious."

Kaoru noticed her looking around, trying to see as much of the house as possible from the kitchen. He chuckled and took her arm. "Come on, I'll give you a quick tour while Die's playing bartender." He walked her around the house, Sita making little sounds of approval at each room. 

Kyo watched them, stealing a grape from the watermelon fruit salad bowl, sucking at his drink. "She's really pretty," he said in a far-off voice, obviously not all there. He shook himself out of it, looking back at Die. "So, are you friends with her, too, or does she stick mostly to Kaoru?"

Die chuckled, moving off to make her a drink. "Yeah... she is pretty," he replied softly. "Mm... she mostly sticks to Kaoru. I guess we both pretty much have our friends and we share them, but they're still kinda... whoever's original friend. Does that make sense at all?" He glanced back at Kyo, finishing up Sita's drink and putting a colorful crazy straw into the coconut cup.

Kyo nodded just as Sita squealed from the bedroom, discovering the puppy in his bed. She came into the kitchen, holding it. "He's so cute!" she cried, glowing. 

Die jumped a little at the squeal, his eyes going wide before he let out a tiny laugh and shook his head. Once she had appeared, he set her drink down on the counter, a slice of pineapple and a cherry on a little umbrella hanging off the edge of the cup. Kaoru rolled his eyes, walking out behind her. Sita kissed all over his little face. 

"You gays and substituting pets for kids," she teased, rubbing the velvety ears. "So when should everyone else be coming?"

Kaoru shrugged. "They should be on their way. My parents called a while ago to say they hit some traffic, but it shouldn't be too much longer."

Sita nodded. "Good, I haven't seen them since... what, my graduation party for grad school? I miss them."

Die opened his mouth to speak, but never got to it, the doorbell ringing instead. He moved to the door, pulling it open. On the other side stood a man that looked suspiciously like Die, though younger, and with light brown hair. He stood there awkwardly holding a basket with wine and cheese in it, two little gifts wrapped up in silver and sticking out the side. The first had Die's name scrawled on it, the second had _Die's Significant Other_ on the wrapping. He shoved the basket at Die, who took it, a little shocked.

"Come in," he murmured, stepping back and letting him into the house. 

The slightly shorter man looked around, issuing a gruff, "It's nice," before he asked, "you said there'd be booze?" 

Die immediately nodded. "Whiskey, straight up?" At the nod, he headed back to the kitchen, grabbing a glass, tossing a few chunks of ice into it and pouring it all the way full with whiskey before handing it over to his brother, who gulped down about a third of the glass without so much as flinching. Die gently placed the gift basket on the counter and then shifted a little, gesturing. "This is Kaoru, my significant other," he hadn't missed the writing on the package, indicating what his brother was okay with calling Kaoru, "this is Kyo, my friend from Japan, and this is Sita, Kaoru's friend." He swallowed a little. "Everyone... this is my brother, Jiro."

Sita took her drink, the puppy tucked with one arm to her chest, licking at her cleavage. Kaoru peered around the kitchen archway, biting his lip, thankful there wasn't some immediate explosion, and he nodded to Jiro. Kyo gave his friend's brother a once-over, not looking impressed. Sita stayed passive, smiling a little out of politeness. 

Kaoru watched the whiskey go down like water and offered his hand. "Thank you for coming, it's nice to meet you."

Jiro stared at Kaoru's hand for a long moment before he finally reached out, taking it and lightly shaking it. Once he was done, he wiped his hand on his pants and then took another long drink from his glass. "Gonna show me around?" he asked Die.

Kaoru growled a little, watching Jiro wipe off his hand like he was a leper or something. Well that was just charming... Kyo bristled a little, Sita hiding behind her drink, sucking it down quickly, getting the distinct feeling she was going to need it.

Die gritted his teeth, reaching out and grabbing his brother's arm, yanking him off around the house. "This is the kitchen, this is the parlor, this is the laundry area, this is the spare room, this is the bathroom, the kitchen, and finally," he pushed him into the bedroom and slammed the door, "this is the fucking bedroom." He got in his brother's face. "Do you think we're fucking blind? That I didn't see what you did after you shook his hand? It's not like his fucking hand has been up my ass recently or something! You will _not_ come into my house and behave like this. Is that understood?"

They all three stood awkwardly in the kitchen while Die yanked his brother around the house then slammed the bedroom door. It didn't really matter if the door was closed; every word from Die was heard quite clearly throughout the house. 

Sita doubled over, trying not to laugh. She put the dog down and grabbed Kyo's wrist, seeing he, too, was having a hard time not laughing. The situation really wasn't funny, but it seemed like laughing their asses off was the only thing _to_ do, though Die's motherly tone held some humor to it. Kaoru looked up at the ceiling and shook his head with a groan.

Jiro jerked back from Die, ending up against the wall with Die pressed dangerously close, fire burning in his eyes. His voice lowered to a whisper. "You do _not_ treat Kaoru that way. _Ever_. You will treat him like any other human being. You treat me however you want, but not him."

His brother shoved at his chest, trying to get him to move back out of his face. "You're not my keeper, you never were. And I don't have to treat anyone any particular way if I don't want to."

Die slammed the palm of his hand against the wall. "Fuck you, Jiro. Fuck you to god damned fucking hell and back!" His brother snorted at him and Die suddenly realized he hadn't taken his shoes off. He glowered at him. "Get your ass back out there and take your fucking shoes off!"

"Oh, what are you? All fucking Japanese now?! You never cared, but now you fucking care. What the hell is this?"

Die took two steps back, bowed his head, took three deep shuddering breaths and then raised his head. When he spoke again, his voice was almost deceptively calm. "I know I will never make you see me as a man, no matter what I do. You pretended to understand even when you were against me behind my back. I know you'll never forgive me for what you consider to be an atrocity. But if I were still a fucking woman, you would be being nice to Kaoru because he'd be my boyfriend... you know... what normal girls have. So why don't you just pretend I have really flat boobs and get the hell over yourself?" He moved to the door, opening it and stepping out. He paused there. "And take your shoes off or fucking leave. It's up to you."

When Die came back out, there was a short, quiet round of applause from Kyo and Sita, both red in the face from trying not to completely lose it. 

Die gave a slight bow to Sita and Kyo, shaking his head and murmuring, "Fair warning... he's the easy one." He winced a little, grabbing his drink cup and taking a few gulps of it, knowing the next batch would have a crap-ton more booze in it to get him through all of this.

Kaoru just sighed, looking at Die, trying to send him rays of love and comfort. He went around the counter and hugged his lover briefly. He pulled away, looking out the window onto the porch, seeing his mother's Subaru parked on the curb and his father walking down the steps, looking around at the yard. He rubbed Die's arm, murmuring quietly, "At least Dad's got your back," and opened the door before they could knock, stepping out onto the porch and into a bear hug from his father. Miyuki was just behind him, carrying Asako on her hip and a diaper bag over her shoulder. Tadashi had a small gift bag in one hand, waving at Die through the door, smiling.

Die glanced out into the yard, seeing Kaoru's family. Well... at least it was easier than his own. He offered a slight smile, tossing in the making for more piña coladas and then waving Kyo over. "Blend it for me?" he asked softly, squeezing the younger man's shoulder before he moved out to greet Kaoru's parents. His brother pushed past him, now shoe-less and whiskey-less. Die grunted and muttered, "Excuse you," before he wandered closer to Kaoru's parents, putting on a smile. "Hey... it's good to see you again!" He just went for it, hoping that trying to hug them would result in hugs back and not some awkward stupid moment of him being retarded.

Tadashi squeezed Die hard enough to make his back pop. "You, as well, Die-kun!" 

Die made a soft sound at the tightness of the hug before he laughed. It felt nice to have at least on parent that liked him, particularly since his own were going to be frosty assholes if they even bothered to show up. Once he was let go, he reached to hug Miyuki as well.

Kaoru tried not to roll his eyes at how his father had taken to Die, though it was certainly preferable to the way his mother treated him. Miyuki got around being hugged by using Asako as a shield, at least trying to be discreet and nice about it, picking up the little girl's hand and waving it at Die.

"Look, it's DaiDai!" She grinned toothily at the baby, who gurgled happily, clapping and making little excited noises, repeating, "DaiDai!" Miyuki laughed, a bell-like sound, like Kaoru's laugh, and stepped further onto the porch. "I think you hide cookies on you, it's uncanny how much she likes you." There was the slightest frosty edge to the statement, but her eyes were warmer than the first time they had met. Both parents slipped off their shoes as Kaoru showed them in. 

Die decided that at least it was a nice way to go about not touching him, unlike his brother's earlier asshole-ish-ness to Kaoru. He gave the little girl a tiny hug. "Nope, no cookies here, I swear!" He laughed, shaking his head. "Maybe she just knows I like her is all."

Sita practically dove at both of them, wrapping an arm around each. "Mister and Misses Niikura! I've missed you two!" They hugged her back, looking pleasantly surprised, Miyuki fawning over how lovely Sita had gotten since the last time she'd seen her and gawking at both her engagement and wedding ring, apologizing for not being able to attend the wedding. Sita shrugged and pinched Asako's cheek, earning a stern little sound. 

Die moved back into the house with them all, watching the way Sita interacted with them. As soon as they'd been introduced to Kyo, Die pointed out on the back porch at his brother's back. "That's my brother Jiro. He's... being an idiot. Please forgive him." He looked embarrassed, rubbing at his shoulder a little awkwardly before he finally reached for Asako's bag. "May I put this in the bedroom for you?" he asked softly.

There was an awkward silence after the unconventional introduction of Jiro, which was thankfully dashed by Die asking to take the diaper bag. Miyuki moved around the baby to get it off her shoulder, handing it to Die with a little bow and a thank you.

Kaoru closed the front door, smiling at his parents. "Would you like a tour?" Tadashi was already eying around the room, Miyuki staring at the picture of Die and Kaoru together on the side table by the couch, bouncing her granddaughter a bit on her hip. They both nodded and Kaoru slipped his arm around Die's waist, gesturing around the room. "Well, this is the living room, obviously." He started moving into the kitchen, where Kyo stopped his blending and gave a proper bow and a quick greeting in Japanese. Kaoru introduced him quickly and there were polite nods and smiles exchanged before Kyo went back to blending and Kaoru went back to showing his parents the kitchen.

Die moved off with the bag, going to put it by the bed, making sure all the wrinkles were smoothed out of the bed before he came back out and retreated to the kitchen to help Kyo portion out the drinks and make the little sippy cup of fruit punch for Asako. Once he was done with that, he leaned on the counter, kind of waiting on them to come back, not sure what else to do.

Sita swished up behind Die, keeping her voice low, "Has the ice queen melted any to you yet?" Miyuki was infamous for being a tough nut to crack, though Sita had known her long enough to know there was a genuine, loving woman underneath. Kyo looked up, raising a brow. Sita just shrugged at him. "She likes to put new people through tests. No idea why. I promise she's actually really sweet, but-"

"It's like she hides it?" Kyo finished. 

Sita tilted her head, nodding. "Yeah, exactly."

Die replied in a low voice. "I think she doesn't hate me at least. I'm not at the bottom of the list, but not up near the top either." He shrugged a bit. "Still better than anyone in my own family." He laughed and rolled his eyes toward the back door where his brother was chain smoking. Die sighed.

Kaoru finished showing his parents around the house, Miyuki inspecting every little thing, being critical in her silence. Kaoru had taken Asako and was rubbing her back, his niece's chubby little arms looped around his tattooed neck. When they finally came back to the living room, Tadashi patted Die hard on the back. "It seems you've both done quite well with the place."

Miyuki cleared her throat, offering in a somewhat giving tone, "I like the chandelier."

When everyone came back into the room, Die put on a happier face. But he really did perk up a bit when he got two compliments at once. He smiled. "Thanks. I love chandeliers and I knew this area needed one."

Miyuki sort of blinked at him, but Kaoru distracted her by putting the drinks Die and Kyo had made into his parent’s hands. They both took them with a little, "Thank you," before Tadashi started looking around. "So where is this little dog you've taken in?" 

Kaoru looked around, as well, spotting the puppy under the dining room table. He went and knelt down, patting the floor until the puppy got up and waddled to him, his sad little eyes looking at up him curiously.

Asako squealed happily and her grandparents came over to see, squatting down around the little dog, who looked anxious with so many people. "He's a handsome little thing!" Tadashi proclaimed rather enthusiastically, reaching out to let the dog sniff his hand and then patting its head. Asako was straining away from Kaoru, trying to get at it.

Die stood there, a little flushed in the face. "If you want something non-alcoholic, just let me know and I'll get some of the fruit punch or make a batch without booze." He edged closer to Kyo, glancing at where his brother was now talking on his cell phone. He sighed softly, wondering if he was reporting in to his parents or something. His face held a worried look.

Neither of them made qualms about the booze and went off to look at the dog. Kyo rubbed Die's arm, trying to offer him a smile. Sita leaned forward, whispering to Die, "Your parents haven't seen you since, um... all this, right?" She made a discreet gesture at her chest and an apologetic face. "We'll all back you up if things go south, I promise."

Die leaned in really close and murmured softly to her, "They haven't seen me since I started on T." He settled back against the counter, sipping even more at his own drink, intent to finish it off. 

His brother came back inside, just standing there with his arms crossed, staring at the new people in the room. He opened his mouth. "Don't you think it would be nicer if you could have children, Die?"

Die instantly stiffened, his face going an ashen color. He gave his brother a hard look. "Why thank you for pointing that out," he let out. "I'll take note of your opinion on the matter." With that, he drank down the last bit of his piña colada and grabbed the mix for pomegranate martinis, dumping some in the shaker and pouring vodka in after it, shaking it up and pouring the whole thing into his own mug.

Kaoru froze, his eyes wide as his head snapped over to Jiro. 

Kyo's jaw visibly tensed and he glared at the other, not one bit amused and ready to physically throw this prick out. 

Tadashi looked like he didn't know what to do, so he just went back to petting the puppy, a lost look on his face, but Miyuki stood gracefully, walking over to Jiro with a tight smile and bowing a little, muttering in Japanese, "Well aren't you charming." She extended her hand, the deceptive politeness almost difficult to watch as she introduced herself as Kaoru's mother, though her eyes flashed fire. As far as she was concerned, she was the only one allowed to pester Die; anyone else doing it upset Kaoru, and upsetting Kaoru put anyone on the offending end at the top of her shit-list. Sita felt like she was watching a helpless fly be lured into a spider's web.

Jiro laughed at Die's reaction. "Such a pussy as always," he muttered at him. 

Die turned around, ready to snap at him or maybe punch him in the face. But Kaoru's mother was already there, extending her hand. He almost choked on air at what she said, knowing his brother would be oblivious as all shit. He hadn't bothered to learn a lick of Japanese, seeing it as pointless. At least Die had realized he should learn both Japanese and English as well as he could, even if he did learn the lesson late in life. He took a sip of his new drink to mask the venomous look he was giving his brother.

Jiro took Miyuki's hand. "See, Die, maybe you could be a nice-" he didn't get to finish, thankfully for Die, the doorbell interrupting him as it was rang three times in quick succession.

"Excuse me," Die murmured, heading into the living room with an increasing sense of dread. Part of him actually hoped it was the police or something and not his parents. But when he opened the door, it was none other than his parents. His dad was no taller than Kyo, his black hair chopped off short. He was wearing what looked like business attire, something Die was incredibly used to seeing his father in. His mother towered over his father, actually taller than Die by a couple inches. She was wearing a black dress that looked more fitting for a funeral than a house warming. She was carrying a small bundle of flowers: white lilies and dark crimson roses. Die knew their significance in a moment, but he hoped to god no one else did. His mother had always believed in giving flowers for the occasion and she apparently saw this as a time to mourn, not celebrate.

He heaved a soft sigh, taking the flowers. "Mom... Dad." He gestured to the pile of shoes. "Please remove your shoes." They did so and he led them inside and back to the kitchen. His mother stood clasping his father's hand in her own, glued to his side, her head bowed. It looked like she'd been crying earlier and Die figured she probably had been, given the rest of the way she was acting. He moved to stand next to Kaoru. "Everyone, these are my parents." He gestured toward his mother, "Noriko," and then toward his father, "Hitoshi." He reached an arm around Kaoru, hugging him close to his side. "This is Kaoru, my boyfriend." He then faintly gestured around the room. "Kyo, my friend from Japan. Sita, Kaoru's friend. Asako, Kaoru's niece. Miyuki, Kaoru's mother, and Tadashi, Kaoru's father. Would you like something to drink?" 

"We did not come to drink," his mother announced. "We came to rescue you, Dai, baby. You need help... therapy. We found a nice doctor that's willing to take you into their rehab program." Her voice sounded pleading, wavering with how upset she obviously was. "We didn't think you'd go this far with your illness if we left it alone." She moved toward him, her arms outstretched. "Please, come with us, sweetie. We'll make you right again, hunny." 

Hitoshi just stood there, his jaw clenched, not saying a word. 

Die stared at her, his face somewhere between amused as all hell and disgusted. He let out a sharp laugh. "Mama, there ain't nothing wrong with me. In fact, for once... things are right."

Kaoru passed Asako off to his father, both of them standing as Die walked back into the kitchen with his parents. Anxiety prickled down his body, making his fingertips go numb. He looked at the odd pair and hugged Die's waist in return. 

Kyo and Sita were by the sink, practically clinging to each other, both seeing that clearly a shit-storm had just blown in and fearing for the worst. Kyo, especially, just looked at Die with sad eyes, his whole body radiating apology for what was happening, that his parents could do such a thing to him. 

Kaoru's face fell, his mouth turning downwards. He hugged onto Die tightly. "You're not taking him _anywhere_. The only therapy he needs is from dealing with you."

Noriko's eyes flashed, her bright orbs turning on Kaoru for a moment. "This is not your argument and you have no place in making her decisions. We have that claim."

Tadashi looked like he'd just been teleported onto another planet and was feeling the effects of the atmospheric change, rooted to his spot, immobile, just his eyes moving around rather frantically, trying to discern what in the hell was going on. Beside him, his wife was starting to look like she might sprout horns at any moment. "Excuse me... _illness_?" 

Kaoru couldn't even think of anything to say, turning his head and pressing his face into Die's neck, holding onto him even tighter.

Die didn't miss the gender his mother used when referring to him. His arm tightened around Kaoru's shoulders. But before he could retort, Miyuki asked her question. He just closed his eyes and started to pray to any God that would listen. All he wanted was for this to end, for them to step right back out of his life. He swore mentally that he'd repent for trying to get his family back, that he was sorry he ever wanted anyone there except who he already had.

Norkio spoke up in reply, her voice making it obvious she was crying again. "She's so sick... deluded, mentally unstable. She thinks," she broke down sobbing for a second and then croaked out, "She thinks she's male. It's terrible! My own baby girl, my precious baby girl." She took a step over to Die, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Look! She even had the doctors remove her breasts! It's an atrocity!" She spit on the floor in front of Die's feet. "The demons have a hold on my baby!"

She dug in her shoulder bag for a moment, pulling out a bright yellow pamphlet, brandishing it around the room like a cross in the hands of someone who'd just seen a vampire. In big bold print across the top it read _Trent Eastern Ex-Gay/Gender Crisis Reparative Therapy Camp_. The little picture showed a pristine white building with a smiling man, woman, and baby on the cover. "They will take you here and make you better, Die! Then we can," she ran her hand over his flat chest, "we can undo this mess you have made of yourself." She let out a sob.

Die opened his eyes in time to see the pamphlet shoved in his face. He let out a startled sound to have it come so close to his eyes, taking a shocked step back. "Stop it!" he almost screamed out. "Just stop it!" He couldn't think anymore. The world was swimming, everything suddenly felt prickly and terribly hot. He swooned, fingers reaching behind him to try to catch the counter as he started to go down, the world hedging into black.

The whole room burst into action, Sita letting out a shriek, Kaoru grabbing onto Die and dropping to his knees with him, his heart leaping into his throat. Sita grabbed a dish towel with shaking hands and ran it under the faucet, bringing the cool rag over to Die and pressing it Die's forehead, her brown eyes huge with shock and fear. Tadashi looked... hurt, Asako screaming in his arms, kicking and flailing, scared by the sudden outbursts in the room. Miyuki simply told him in a low voice, "You're driving," and finished the piña colada.

Kyo stayed perfectly still for a moment, fuming, and in an instant, he was in front of Die's mother, yanking the flyer from her hand and shredding it, throwing it up into the air like confetti. He took a breath and screamed, his voice powerful and sinister, "ENOUGH! GET. THE FUCK. OUT!!!" He snapped around quickly and pointed a long, bony finger at Jiro. "You too, asshole."

Die found himself on the floor a moment later, feeling extremely hot and like he was going to throw up. He knew he wouldn't, it was just a side effect of the panic he'd been feeling all week as it culminated into this episode. Tears rushed hot down his cheeks. Why had he ever thought it would be a good idea to try and reconcile with his parents? He'd wanted to have a nice family to show Kaoru, just as Kaoru had shown him. But not one of them was fit to even be labeled with that particular f-word, another one that was one letter longer much more fitting to them all.

Die's mother looked purely stricken by Kyo's sudden outburst, trying to catch the little pieces of the flyer as the fell around her. She managed to get a few pieces before she grabbed Hitoshi's arm and headed for the front door. "This is far from over!" she screamed back at them before the sound of the door slamming was heard through the house.

Jiro kind of cowered against the wall, looking shocked and scared. Mostly, he was just staring at Kyo like he'd seen a ghost. After a moment, he scrambled into action, bolting out the back door and stumbling down the back steps out into the yard.

Kaoru clung to Die, pressing his cheek to his hair and just holding him. 

Sita jumped into action quickly, ushering Kaoru's parents into the living room so Die could have some room to breathe. Miyuki poured herself some straight rum into her cup before going, sitting down with an unreadable look on her face, Tadashi distracting himself from the situation, which he couldn't seem to wrap his brain around, by trying to quiet down Asako, who was screaming at the top of her lungs now.

Die sat there, completely stricken, on the floor. Softly, he whispered out, “I’m so sorry.”

Kyo stood, fuming, his face red and the veins of his neck bulging. After a moment, he calmed down somewhat, going over to Die and pressing his hand against the other's arm, just touching him, trying to give him some kind of solace. "Don't be sorry. This wasn't your fault."

"No... it is. I just," he sniffed, wiping his eyes, "I just wanted to have a normal family to be able to introduce Kaoru to. I wanted to give Kaoru what he gave me with his family." He used the cloth Sita had pressed against his forehead to wipe up his face, just sitting there after, staring out into nothingness. "And now..." he let out another sob, "now I wouldn't be surprised if they hate me, too," he whispered before breaking down into a full fit of tears, sobbing harshly into the cloth, his body shaking.

Kaoru sobbed a little to hear Die say such things, squeezing onto him, Kyo working his way in and holding onto both of them, letting Die cry himself out.

It took a good five minutes before Die cried himself into that state where it just seemed like things stopped mattering anymore. He settled down, wiping off his face and pulling a tissue from his pocket to blow his nose. With that done, he sat there, one arm around each Kaoru and Kyo, dread settling in again. "I... I guess I have to explain now... don't I?"

Kaoru gave him some room and frowned, looking down at the floor before nodding. "Yeah... I guess we need to damage control before they start assuming things that aren't right."

Die sighed softly, pulling himself to his feet, swaying a little for a moment before he turned around, grabbed a bottle of water and his booze. He headed off to the living room, quietly moving to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of Kaoru's parents. "I would really like to apologize for my parents. I haven't spoken with them in a long time and they..." he sighed, "they do not approve of me or my decisions... at all."

Tadashi had his cheek pressed to Asako's hair, finally having gotten her quiet, rubbing her back. "I... I don't really understand what just happened." He looked lost and a little hurt. 

Miyuki sat at his side, glaring at Kaoru, who shrank into the corner with Sita by his side, Kyo standing a bit behind Die, his muscular arms crossed.

Die sighed softly and hung his head. He couldn't bear to look at them and see what their faces looked like when he had to say this. He didn't want to see the disgust or the anger that he was sure would be there. "I..." he took a deep breath and plunged right in, "I was born a woman." He shifted uncomfortably. "At a really early age, I realized I wasn't like the other girls. I mean... I liked boys, but I didn't like... _me_. I felt like something inside was wrong. By the age that I was supposed to get my period, I didn't. But by then, I had realized why I felt different." His fingers wrapped over and over themselves in his lap, tugging at one another and clasping with nerves. "I have identified as male for a very long time and ever since I've been with Kaoru, I have been on testosterone and have been getting my surgeries to give me the body I belong in."

A few tears leaked down his cheeks, but he just wiped them away, continuing on. "I've had top surgery... my breasts removed... and my female inside parts removed." He didn't bother trying to explain about downstairs just yet. He would if asked, but he imagined even this would be too much information for Kaoru's parents. He quieted down, waiting on the outburst he expected to follow.

There was a long silence, both of them absorbing the information and trying to process it. Miyuki looked a little hurt, confusion making her eyes seem cloudy. She stared at Die like she was trying to find the girl underneath him. She leaned forward, staring into his eyes. 

Tadashi stayed silent, stroking his granddaughter's back, his lips pursed. 

Miyuki looked at Kaoru, her anger dampened by her loss for words. "But you said... you said you'd never been attracted to women. And," she turned back to Die, "you have a woman's body. Right?" She looked back and forth between them, genuinely unsure of what to comprehend at the moment.

Die's eyes flickered up to meet Miyuki's, the look in his own sad. A few more tears spilled over, trailing down his neck and wetting his shirt. "Yes... I do," he murmured softly, looking very ashamed of such a fact.

Kaoru sighed, stepping forward a little. "I love Die in whatever body he's in, or in between. It's just a... rare circumstance, Kaa-san. I'd already fallen in love with him before I ever knew about his situation... and by then, I'd take him any way he came." Sighing, he knelt down at the arm of the couch, taking her hand. "I'm sorry to have... deceived you. But I knew it would be difficult for you to understand. All you really need to know is that, to me, Die is a man, and more importantly, he's the man I love."

Tadashi nodded as though he was the one being spoken to so directly, managing a smile at Die. He couldn't wrap his head around it, as hard as he was trying to make sense of it all, it wouldn't click. However, what he knew was that he liked this person his son had decided to be with, seriously, and he trusted Die to be better to Kaoru than any of the other ones before him, had much more faith in the young man's capabilities than the others. 

Miyuki sniffed, holding back tears, but just barely, unsure where the emotion was coming from. She squeezed Kaoru's hand, sort of tilting her head to the side in a weird nod, shoving some of her long, long hair behind her ear.

When Kaoru started talking, he wiped at his eyes, picking up his water bottle and taking a long drink from it. He chanced a peek over at Tadashi just as he gave him a tiny smile. Die did his best to smile in return. Looking back down, he murmured softly, "I will understand if you feel the same way my family does about this. Just know that I really do love Kaoru... with all my heart." He closed his eyes, trembling a little. He really, really, _really_ wanted a hug right then. But he knew he wasn't the one who deserved them at the moment. Kaoru's family needed the affection at the moment in order to keep Kaoru's relationship with them intact.

Images of how he'd hoped he could fish with Tadashi flitted through his head and he kind of felt like now that they knew, it would never happen. His hand shakily came to his lips to stifle any noises that wanted to come out with the new wave of tears.

Miyuki had a vice grip on Kaoru's hand, trying to compose herself. Sita moved a little closer, rubbing her arm. 

Kyo stepped forward to comfort Die, but before he could, Tadashi leaned in and put a heavy hand on Die's shoulder, squeezing. He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, but he was fairly certain that his opinion of Die hadn't really changed. He squeezed a little harder, rubbing, and then leaned back and turned Asako around in his lap, doing what he did best; change the subject. It seemed a fairly non-issue, nothing he wanted to storm out of the house about, though he couldn't deny he had no way to wrap his mind around the information. "Would you like to hold her?"

Miyuki turned, pressing a little more into her husband's side, letting go of Kaoru's hand and putting her elbows on her knees, chin resting on her fists. "Maybe that's why you're so good with her..." she mused in a quiet voice, not a snide stab at Die's original gender, just an honest consideration that maybe some of Die's womanly nature was to account for how much Asako seemed to like him.

Die lifted his free hand, putting it over Tadashi's, squeezing for a moment before he let him move his hand. He peered up through bleary eyes at Asako. Some amount of wonder that they'd still let him do such a thing raced through his mind. But he didn't give Tadashi time to rethink his offer. He reached out for Asako, gently taking the little girl into his arms and cradling her close. He wiped at his eyes with the back of one hand before starting to rock a little with his niece-to-be in his arms. "Probably," he murmured, not taking it in a bad way. He'd kind of thought the same thing himself. He buried his nose in her hair, trying to concentrate only on Asako and not on what had just transpired. At least she'd never think any differently of him... unless she somehow remembered this through the years.

The little girl gurgled, pleased, hugging around Die's neck and nuzzling against him. She just hugged and loved on him for a little while before leaning back in his arms, trying to form words and tell him something, bouncing a little. 

Kyo chuckled, kneeling down behind Die, reaching out and brushing a hand over her hair. He looked at Kaoru. "What's her name, again?"

Kaoru straightened up, sitting on the arm of the couch by his mother, Sita leaning into his side. "Audrey, but we all call her by her middle name, Asako."

Kyo nodded, rubbing a thumb over her plump cheek. "She's lovely." 

Die peered down at Asako, wondering what she was trying to say and then glancing at Kyo, wondering if he could just _know_ what she wanted to say. He smiled, the stress kind of melting away the longer he held her. He gently started to scratch her back, wondering if she'd like that. Some children loved it. "She's adorable and sweet," Die murmured softly. And then he beamed. "And I think she loves me already."

Miyuki made an awkward expression, pride for the compliment to her granddaughter pushing up past the uncomfortable feelings she was still experiencing from the revelation about Die, not to mention the way it had been brought up. She sagged against her husband, his arm coming around her, hugging her to his side. She extended her cup to Kaoru with a sigh. "Could I have another, please?" 

Kaoru chuckled, leaning down and kissing her cheek, nodding as he went into the kitchen to make her another, stronger drink. 

She rested her cheek against Tadashi's side, watching Die and Asako together, little chubby fingers tracing down Die's face, making happy little noises. "Do you have pictures? From before?" Her voice was soft, seeming exhausted. "I'm just curious what you would have looked like as a woman, how much has changed." Her husband blushed a dark red, rubbing the side of his nose.

Die watched as Kaoru went to make Miyuki another drink. When she asked her question, Die didn't take it as badly as he thought he might. Instead, he just nodded, glancing back at Kyo. "Will you get my photo album? It's the large, red, leather-bound book on my desk in the spare room. The small one is my day planner."

 

Kyo got up and went into the room, finding the photo album easily and returning with it, handing it to Miyuki before sitting down beside Die, smiling at Asako, who was hugging onto Die, murmuring softly at the scratching to her back, her little fingers fisting in and out of his shirt. Inside there were mostly pictures of Die as a child, some of him as a teenager. But he'd also taken the most tasteful of the bikini pictures that Kaoru had taken and placed it before all the more recent pictures of him with Kaoru.

 

Miyuki looked at the album for a moment, like she was afraid to look inside, but she opened it after a moment, Tadashi looking through as well. The first few of Die younger were easier to create some sort of mental distance with, but the high school girl in her uniform was without a doubt Die. She covered her mouth with a thin hand for a moment before beginning to laugh. It wasn't bitter or mean, as it might have been, but rather overwhelmed and a little freeing. She kept flipping, smiling more through each photo. "You were... very lovely." She sighed. "Well, you're handsome now." The bikini photo had her laughing hardest, recognizing Kaoru's style to the photo. 

Tadashi looked away, turning bright red. "This is so unbelievable... it's just hard to imagine, I'm sorry." 

Shaking her head, she handed the book back to Kyo, who put it on the coffee table behind him. 

Kaoru had returned with the drink for his mother, confused how to read her laughing at the photos of Die as a woman. 

She took the drink and shrugged. "I don't really know what to make of all this, is all. I guess I was just surprised to see you having been so... well, a woman. Not a tomboy, with long hair, and..." she made a gesture at her chest and just let herself cut off, shrugging again before taking a healthy sip of the fresh drink.

Die mostly concentrated on Asako, leaning into Kyo a little when he came back to sit down. He reached and took Asako's juice, telling her he'd made it just for her and giving her some of it. At the laughter, he just blushed a bit, chewing on his lower lip until they were done. "The photos don't make how awkward I really was at all clear... trust me." He shrugged a little. "Uniforms were required at my schools and honestly... the rest is what my mother dressed me in. My big ol' knobbly knees looked dumb in skirts." He tapped his knee with one hand and gave an awkward smile. "The photo Kaoru took... I don't know... I'd never been able to be that comfortable before. He's shown me that it's okay I'm in transition and accepted me for who I see myself as, not what his eyes could see." He looked over at his lover, his smile a little watery.

Asako wrapped both hands around the little handles, tipping the cup up to her mouth. "Mah joos! DaiDai!" 

Kyo gave a happy laugh at that, rubbing her hair. 

At the words, Kaoru came over to Die, kissing him. "I accepted you for all of you, because I loved your heart."

There was a long pause, Sita taking Kaoru's place at the arm of the couch, smiling softly at them, and then it was like the room shifted, moving on. Tadashi noticed the puppy had wandered in and was at the corner of the corner of the couch, wagging his tail. He reached out and picked the little dog up, setting him in his lap. "So, what's for dinner?" he asked, trying to bring a little light back.

Die giggled at Asako and then peered up at Kaoru, smiling softly and kissing him back.

Die's posture noticeably relaxed, letting him lean against Kyo a little more. "Beef, pork, and chicken skewers with veggies... and pineapple upside down cake for dessert."

Sitting down beside Die, Kaoru put his arm around his lover, looking up at his parents. "Are you hungry now, or would you like to wait a little while?"

Tadashi shrugged. "Either is fine." Miyuki simply shrugged as well, drinking more of her cocktail. She turned to Sita and asked about her marriage so far, both of them chatting a little while Tadashi leaned forward, petting the puppy, looking at Kyo. "Where are you from, Kyo-san?"

The blonde hiked his brows, leaning back on his hand. "I live in Nagoya now, but I'm originally from Kyoto."

Tadashi nodded. "I thought so." He smiled, looking between Kyo and Die. "So how do you two know each other?"

It seemed things just went from one slightly awkward topic to the next. But this one was much more welcome and Die just laughed softly, gesturing at Kaoru. "Your son, actually." He grinned. "My boyfriend led me to my best friend." It was kind of proof to him that being with Kaoru was an incredibly good thing.

Kyo actually blushed a little, seeing Tadashi wanted some elaboration. "I'm a singer, and Kaoru did an interview with me. Die's a fan, so, he got brought along, and we just hit it off right away. Been blowing up each other's phones ever since." He nudged Die's shoulder a little. Kaoru's father made face of mild surprise, nodding.

Die smiled over at Kyo, his eyes light and happy. "It's really nice to have a close friend. He's... the first I've really had." He looked back at Tadashi.

Tadashi tilted his head, but said nothing, sort of frowning. Miyuki and Sita had rejoined the conversation, finished with theirs. "Kyo-san, what is your surname?" Miyuki asked, hugging Sita around the waist a little, rubbing her back.

Kyo paused for a moment before answering, not wanting to seem too weird or impolite, "Nishimura." It felt so foreign to say, but he admitted it, anyway.

Miyuki nodded, crossing her legs. "It's strange, your accent is almost like..." she looked at Tadashi, "like how most of the monks speak in Kyoto, right?" 

Tadashi nodded, muttering, "That's what I thought, too."

Kyo rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, yes, I get that a lot."

Die had been playing idly with Asako's hair when the question came. At Kyo's answer, he paused for a moment, contemplating. He hadn't pushed Kyo to know about his past, but it was possible that a clue had been tossed in his lap. All the same, it was still not really any of his business and he went back to making the little girl squeak and flail at him while he played with her hair. He giggled a little and then sniffed the air, making a face. "Eww," he informed, peering down at Asako, who was now making a face rather than laughing. "Uh..." he deposited her on the floor, stood up, and then picked her back up, heading to the bedroom. "Someone want to teach me how to do this?" he called out as he settled her on the bed, digging in the bag and finding a towel. He laid that out and put her on it and the pulled out a diaper, wipes, and baby powder. In theory, this was easy. In practice, he had a feeling it was a lot harder.

Miyuki followed, standing at Die's side. "It's easy, and it looks like you've got the right idea. Just, open it up, lift her legs, wipe what you can with the diaper, the clean her up and powder her, slide another diaper under her and put it on." She shrugged. "Easy."

Die went about getting the current one off, getting both legs in one hand and lifting, wiping the poo up with a grossed out look on his face. He set the diaper aside and quickly used the wipes to clean up everything really well. He shook some powder on her, not sure what else to do with it, and then determined the right direction of the new diaper, putting that on, fiddling with the stupid sticky tabs for a while before getting it. With that done, he put her clothing back where it belonged and rolled up the diaper and the wipes. "Uh... I'll throw this away and wash up," he murmured, looking a little flustered.

Asako just lay on her back, looking around the room, squealing at the cold wipe on her bottom. When Die went off to clean up, Miyuki chuckled, picking the little girl back up and putting the towel back into the diaper bag, going into the living room and sitting down next to her husband, sitting Asako in her lap. The puppy was on his back in Tadashi's lap, ears flopped over, trying to eat Kyo's finger every time he reached to stroke its nose. "Do you want to pet the puppy?" Miyuki asked her in a soft, high-pitched voice. The little girl clapped her hands and leaned forward, moving like she was going to start drumming on the dogs little belly and Miyuki grabbed her hands, making her rub at him, not slap, which was the normal reaction for her.

Die moved through the kitchen, throwing out the diaper in the garbage outside so it wouldn't stink up the house. Once he came back in, he stood at the sink, washing his hands up.

Kaoru smiled at them, rubbing Sita's back as he moved to leave the living room, sliding up behind Die while he was washing his hands, kissing his ear. "How are you doing?" he asked softly, pressing himself against Die's back. "Are you okay now?"

Die leaned back into Kaoru's touch. "Yeah... I think so. I... I didn't expect it to end like that." He made a face. "Okay, that's a lie. I expected my parents to act like the bat-shit crazies they are and I expected my brother to be an asshole. But I didn't expect your parents to be okay with me."

Kaoru slid his hands over Die's stomach, kissing on his ear a little. "Well, surprise, huh?" He hugged Die tighter. "They love me, and you make me happy. They can't really argue with that."

The redhead smiled, nodding a tiny bit. "Yeah." He squeezed Kaoru's hand. "We should probably finish up dinner, yeah?"

Kaoru nodded, pulling away and getting down the party plates and such they had bought, setting them on the bar above the counter. "What all do we need to do?"

"Well, I made the cake already, so we just need to actually cook the skewers of meat. I figured since we don't have a barbecue grill, we can just use the flat skillet to cook them."

Kaoru got the skewers out from the fridge and put them on the counter, finding said skillet and putting it on a burner, heating it up. "I'll just keep you company, then, and be your gopher. This is your project, after all." He moved out of the way and sipped on his drink, having made himself another.

"Get me my drink from the living room, please?" He pulled out the chicken, remembering what Kaoru had said about his parents. "Ask what everyone wants for meat also," he called after his lover.

Kaoru nodded, heading into the room where Sita had spotted some of Kyo's more Hindu-stylized tattoos. They were in rabid conversation about Buddhism stemming from Hinduism, his parents just watching, partly fascinated, partly lost. He grabbed Die's drink and interrupted for a moment to ask who would like what. Going back into the kitchen, he set Die's drink on the counter. "Mom wants just chicken, no beef for Sita, and Dad and Kyo are okay with whatever."

"Okay, so two chickens for your mom, chicken and pork for Sita, beef and chicken for your dad, and beef and pork for Kyo. What do you want?" He was counting in his head, so far up to four chickens, two porks, and two beefs.

"Um," Kaoru thought about it. "I guess chicken and pork." He reached and snagged a strawberry from the fruit salad, eating and then sneaking in a kiss for Die. "Love you."

Die leaned over and pecked Kaoru's lips as well, adding up in his head. "Five chicken, four pork, and three beef. Got it." He quickly sectioned that out, cooking up the chicken ones first, tossing on six just in case. Then he opened his mouth. "Nnn... grape!"

Kaoru leaned against the counter, smiling at him, trusting Sita and Kyo to entertain, especially since Sita had practically been another daughter when they were in high school together, and his parents had not seen her in almost two years, really. He picked up a grape and held it out at Die's lips, waggling his eyebrows.

Die sucked the fruit in before turning the skewers of meat to cook them completely on all sides. Chewing and swallowing, he grabbed his drink, downing a good portion of it before putting it down. "Watermellooooon," he requested, opening his mouth again.

Kaoru laughed at him, picking out a piece of requested fruit and putting it on Die's tongue, leaning into him to do it.

Die let out a pleased purr, accepting the fruit and chewing it, swallowing. "Mmm... fruit chasers with booze... I'm a genius."

Kaoru simple smirked, dropping a kiss on Die's shoulder and munching fruit, feeding his lover pieces now and again while he cooked. After a few minutes, the puppy was put down on the floor and wandered into the kitchen, waddling over to his water bowl and then sitting at Die's feet, staring up at him, blinking his muted-green eyes.

Die finished up the chicken and started on the pork, smiling down at the little dude. He plucked off a piece of pork off his own skewer and leaned down to give it to the pup. "You're freaking adorable, you know that?"

The puppy wagged its tail, sniffing at the meat and then eating it, having to drop it on the ground and chew it until it broke up into bits to eat, licking the floor clean. He was still rather low energy and had sad eyes, but he seemed healthier by the hour from when Kaoru had first found him. Kaoru watched him, smiling. "I don't know why, but I really like the name Makoto right now for him."

Die peered down at him. "Sure... if he likes it." He smiled, continuing on with cooking the pork. He finished with that and moved to the beef. "Almost done!"

Kaoru knelt down, rubbing the puppy's head with both hands, making him grumble and then give an excited bark. "Makoto... do you like that? You _are_ a good boy, after all." The little dog just seemed to stare up at him, his tail thumping against the floor.

Die giggled softly, moving around to get the plates ready while the beef cooked. He created all the plates that didn't need beef first and then set aside the ones that did. By the time that was done, he was ready to go ahead and put the beef out as well. He pushed those on the plates as well and then proclaimed, "Tada!"

Kaoru stood back up and smiled, cutting off the burner for Die and putting the skillet in the sink, going to let everyone know the food was ready. 

Tadashi stood up, remembering there were still the two other chairs to the dining room table in the back of their SUV. He and Kaoru went out quickly and got them, carrying them in and putting them at the table. 

Miyuki picked up Asako and went to sit down with her, bobbing her leg to bounce the little girl a little, shaking her sippy cup to find it nearly empty. 

Kaoru took it and refilled it, handing it back, Sita and Kyo moving into the parlor, waiting for the two eldest people to be seated and situated first before figuring out where to sit.

Die cut the cake up, bringing it to the table first, putting it in the center with the little plates and the forks with pineapples on the back. Then he waited on everyone to sit down before distributing the main dishes correctly. "I hope everyone enjoys this!"

Kaoru sat up at the bar with Die, letting their guests eat at the table, sipping his second drink. Tadashi was the first to dig in, turning around to look at Die. "This is wonderful, thank you!"

Die made sure everyone's drinks were full before he settled down to eat as well, smiling. "Thanks, I used a few spices and stuff, figured to keep it mostly simple."

Sita ate rather delicately, making faces at Asako to make her laugh while Miyuki pulled off a softened carrot and fed it to the baby. "It's really good, Die," she threw in before sticking her tongue out.

Kyo turned around in his seat. "Yeah, thanks, Die."

Miyuki looked a little put upon, but found her way out; Asako was smacking at the carrot, pointing at the rest of the skewer. "Somebody else really likes it, don't you?" she asked rhetorically to her granddaughter in the baby voice she used for her.

Die beamed, pulling off the few carrots from his own and putting them on a small plate, taking them over to Miyuki and Asako. He came back and settled down, eating some of his beef. 

Miyuki thanked him softly, eating some chicken and then feeding Asako another carrot.

Die gulped down some more of his drink. "I'm really happy you guys are still here," he murmured. Glancing at Kyo, he thought really hard, _'Thanks for putting out the assholes who are supposedly my family.'_

Kyo smiled softly at the brush against his mind. Tadashi was the first to really respond to him, though, setting his skewer down and thinking a moment. "We learned a long time ago that there are things your children do that you don't understand and don't really approve of, but it isn't worth believing in that so much that you push them away. I still don't really understand, but what I know is I think you're a nice young man, and even more importantly, Kaoru cares very much for you." 

Miyuki sort of pursed her lips and rubbed the tip of her nose against Asako's soft hair, but something about her posture seemed like one of agreement.

Die smiled softly, the look a little watery around the edges. "Does that mean we can still go fishing?" he asked, a rather hopeful tone in his voice.

Everyone in the room started laughing. Tadashi rocked back in his chair, wearing a wide smile. "Yes, we can definitely still go fishing."

Die blushed. "Hey, I like fishing!" he told the others. "I can't help it, it's therapeutic." He laughed and shook his head before stuffing an onion piece in his mouth.

Kaoru leaned over and kissed his lover's temple, continuing to eat. Kaoru's parents asked Kyo how the weather had been in Japan recently, if he had been to Osaka and what it was like now, if certain music and movie stars were still even heard of. He answered all of their questions as politely and effectively as possible, able to tell that the idle chatter stemmed from both of them still being quite homesick, despite having made the choice to stay living in America, indefinitely. Kaoru felt a sad pang in his heart, sharing in the feeling. He thought sometimes about moving back to Japan. He missed it desperately, but there was too much he would leave behind.

Die listened to the conversation, not really involving himself in it, just eating while they talked. Once that was all done, he got up to get a piece of cake, getting one for Kaoru at the same time and bringing them back. He placed them on bar and settled down again. With the first bite of it, he actually moaned, unable to help it. Oh yeah... he'd made that right, that was for sure.

As everyone at the table finished eating, they also took pieces of cake, Asako being given a piece of pineapple with a little cake stuck to it, eating it while making sated little sounds. 

Kaoru reached over and squeezed Die's knee, petting at it while he ate the piece of cake. 

Kyo crossed his legs Indian style in his chair, eating the slice in tiny bites. Cautiously, not wanting to freak Die out, he pressed at his mind slightly. _You'd make a good housewife._

Die gave a little surprised intake of breath, but nothing more than that. He blinked down at his cake, pushing another bite into his mouth. _I didn't know you could do that!_ he thought back at him, smiling to himself around his fork.

Kyo was silent at the table, but laughed inside Die's head. _Not to everyone. Just people who are really open and people I'm close to._

Sita finished eating first, getting up and throwing the paper plate away, going up behind Die and giving him a little hug. "Thank you, deary, that was delicious."

 _Like mentally open to the idea or open in other ways?_ Die gasped when Sita hugged him, pulled out of his mental conversation for a second. But then he giggled softly and turned to smile at her. "You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

She went over and took Asako from Miyuki so that the older woman could finish eating, sitting down on the couch in the parlor and rubbing her back, the baby now sleepy. 

Kyo finished eating just as Tadashi did, taking his plate for him and throwing them away before making himself another drink, standing at the counter across from Die and Kaoru. _Open... psychically. Either from an oblivious standpoint where they don't know any better to close off, or they're like me._

Die blinked a little. _I'm guessing I'm the former, considering I don't think I'm all cool and mentally talented like you are._ Even his thoughts managed to hold a teasing tone to them, though. He polished off his cake and sipped on his drink a little more.

Kyo shrugged, smirking a little behind his cup. Tadashi was cooing to Miyuki quietly at the table, making her blush and laugh softly while she finished her piece of cake. Kaoru turned to watch them a little, both playing at each other like they were a couple in high school.

Die had to keep himself from laughing at Kyo's reaction. _Well... it's freaking nifty to be able to do this, at least._ He stretched a bit in his seat, peering over at Kaoru's parents, idly thinking they were cute.

Kaoru got down from the bar stool, tossing his plate and standing between his parents, a hand on each of their shoulders, asking them if they were done with the cake. Both nodded and he picked it up, carrying it over the counter before putting a lid over it to keep it moist. 

Kyo looked over the bar at Sita and a now sleeping Asako. He smiled a little, walking around to her and looking at Miyuki. "Is it alright if I put her down?" He received a nod and took her from Sita, who handed her over carefully. Kyo carried the little girl into the spare room, figuring if she woke up and rolled off, the futon was much lower to the ground than Die and Kaoru's bed. He set her in between two pillows, nestled in, and put a blanket around her, rubbing her hair and swinging the door closed behind him, leaving a crack so they could hear when she woke up.

Die watched all of the interaction, carefully putting away the little bit of meat that was left over. Once he was done, he cleaned up the dishes they'd created and then made himself a new drink before heading into the living room, curling up on one end of the couch. "So... did we want to watch a movie or just talk?"

Miyuki poured herself a little more rum and splashed it with pineapple juice, sitting down beside Die before Kaoru had the chance. "You said you had a hysterectomy, correct?" Her words were starting to slur a little. 

Kaoru realized his mother was bordering on drunk and almost let out a groan. 

Tadashi settled in the arm chair and Sita sat on the other end of the couch, Kyo on the arm beside her, letting her look at his tattoos, picking up their conversation from earlier. 

Miyuki rubbed at her stomach. "I had mine... what was it, dear heart, three years ago?" She looked back at Kaoru, who nodded. "I had ovarian cancer. They tried removing just the one ovary, but it came back and started to spread, so they just took it all out and oh God, I was sick for weeks! The medicine and the hormone change made me miserable."

Die was kind of surprised by who chose to sit next to him, but he took it gracefully. He listened to her, offering a sad look. "I'm sorry." He bit his lip a little. "I wish things like that didn't happen." He got up his nerve and reached over, taking her hand in his own, hoping she wouldn't reject it. It took a lot out of him to just try and see if she'd let him.

Miyuki stared down at Die's hand over hers for a moment, a little stunned, and then gave it a little squeeze, shrugging. "I've been in remission since the surgery, I can't really complain." She looked Die over. "The closer I look, the more I see little bits of a girl under there. If I didn't know, I never would have thought anything of it." 

Die blushed a bit. "Yeah... I can still see parts of it when I look in the mirror."

She pushed some of her hair back where it was starting to come loose from where it was pinned up on her head, behind her ear. "I know you said you'd never had your, hmm, _friend_ , but, there was a girl with me in the recovery room after my surgery, and they saved some of her eggs. Did they bother with you, or did you not ever have any?"

He started to take a drink and was very glad he didn't make it to his mouth before she asked. His eyes widened and then he paled a little, bowing his head, moving both his hands to fiddle with his drink cup. "I... ah..." he shot Kaoru the most apologetic look he possibly could, "yeah... they did. The doctor kind of convinced me into doing it. But they don't know if they're like... working or anything."

Kaoru felt his knees go weak for a moment, the color draining from his face. Why hadn't Die told him that? He just stared like an idiot at his lover while his mother all but slapped Die's hand in excitement. "My only real regret with Kaoru being funny was not having grandbabies from him." She left it at that, actually smiling warmly towards Die for the first time, the booze having melted her icy exterior.

Die tried to offer her an embarrassed smile. He drained down a good portion of his drink and then announced he needed a refill. He didn't, but he was hoping Kaoru would follow so they could talk. Getting up, he headed to the kitchen, hoping he hadn't ruined her being happy with him, despite the fact that Kaoru looked positively horrified.

Cautiously, Kaoru did just that, pouring himself something stiff. He stared at Die for a long time. "Why didn’t you tell me?" He wasn't angry, or anything. He was too shocked to have a real opinion about it. "There's a chance you and me could have kids, like, our biological kids." He looked around the kitchen like it would give him answers. "Holy fuck."

Die looked really nervous by the time Kaoru came in. He sighed softly and shook his head, reaching over and taking Kaoru's hand, leading him out onto the back porch and lighting up a cigarette. "Look... I pretty much got pressured into it by the doctor. They were afraid one day I would regret taking out my woman parts. So I got convinced to save them. It costs me like $93 a year to keep them stored." He sniffed a bit. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I wasn't even sure I would keep them more than just the first year." He reached for Kaoru, pulling him into his arms. "I'm sorry I didn't say before... really, really sorry."

Kaoru followed him, hugging Die around the waist. "Baby... I _want_ kids. Somewhere down the road, I want a family, and to think that there's a small chance we could have a child that would be our flesh and blood... that's amazing." He smiled softly, leaning his head against Die's shoulder. "I mean, before I figured if I ended up with someone and it got to that point, we'd probably adopt, or one of us would be a sperm donor or whatever. But now..." He nuzzled into his lover's shoulder. "I always told you we'd have pretty babies."

Die felt his heartbeat speed up. Blushing darkly, he pulled Kaoru close to him. "You're not mad then?" he asked, even though the answer was obvious. He felt relief flood through him as he squeezed his lover close.

Kaoru shook his head, rubbing Die's back. "Not mad, just surprised is all. I won’t get my hopes up, obviously there was something wrong before, so it might not even be viable, but... it's an opportunity I didn't think was possible."

Settling back, Die took in a long drag from his cigarette, letting the smoke curl away on the light breeze. "I guess that means I'm keeping them for a while then, doesn't it?"

Kaoru nodded, nuzzling Die's cheek. "Yeah. Just... to keep our options open." He pulled back, looking at his lover. "I mean, unless you know you don't want kids."

Die flicked the ashes off his cigarette and smiled softly at Kaoru before he leaned in and gently kissed him. "I like having our options open." He nuzzled against his lover's lips for a moment, trying to hint that he wanted a bigger kiss than what he'd just given.

Kaoru pulled Die flush against him, fitting their lips together, his tongue slicking across the line of Die's mouth a bit. 

Die whimpered softly, his tongue coming out to meet with his lover's, tangling and rubbing softly. His mind was a mantra of 'I love you, I love you, I love you,' the entire time.

Kaoru acted in kind, rubbing down Die's back and down to his ass, squeezing before pulling away. "So, what now? I didn't know what your plans were for entertaining, though I'm sure my parents will probably only be here for another hour or so."

Die let out a soft sound, parting from the kiss and taking another drag from his cigarette. "Mmm... I was thinking to either talk or watch a movie." He smoothed his hand down Kaoru's side before crushing out his cigarette and leading him back toward inside.

Kaoru followed him back in, sitting letting Die retake his seat beside his mother and sitting on the floor next to Tadashi. Sita was currently grilling Kyo about his career and trying to get him to sing, which only resulted in making him blush furiously, trying in vain to explain his music wasn't exactly something to be sung around Kaoru's parents. 

Miyuki, rather tipsy, her nose red, laughed, asking him to sing something that wasn't his own. 

Kyo sort of frowned, looking helpless, and thought. After a moment, the older woman just started singing, herself, a popular Japanese folk song from the late sixties, and Kyo, his cheeks burning, joined in. It was short and when they were done, Sita clapped, thanking both of them. The blonde leaned into the dark-skinned woman, telling her that once Kaoru's parents left, he'd play some of his music for her.

Die settled on the couch, biting his lip and listening to Kyo and Sita, trying hard not to laugh. When the singing started, he smiled, moving his foot along with the tune. When they were done, he smiled, feeling privileged to hear Kyo sing. He always felt that way about things to do with the young vocalist.

Tadashi chuckled a little, relaxing back into the armchair. "Kaoru, where's this interview with Kyo-san you apparently did? I'd like to see it." 

Kyo turned even brighter red, sort of hunching over, but Kaoru got up and went to get the issue, glad the first interview had not been mentioned, seeing as the photo shoot for that had been a very tastefully, but barely, covered Kyo, nude on a bed. He brought the magazine back and handed it to his father. 

Tadashi opened it and read through it quickly; it wasn't too long and he was a speed reader, anyway. He tilted his head, smirking at Kyo, but saying nothing, thanking Kaoru for letting him read it and setting the magazine down on the coffee table. 

Miyuki picked it up, flipping through and just looking at the photos, the alcohol making her rather open; she fawned a little over Kaoru's photography, and how handsome Kyo was. At this point, the singer was nearly purple, not used to being put on the spot like that outside of his stage persona.

Die watched his friend start to turn shades of red and then purple. Clearing his throat, he got up and picked up Kyo's mostly empty cup. "More booze?" he asked, mentally telling Kyo he had a drink and a cigarette in it for him if he wanted the out he was giving him.

Kyo nodded emphatically, following after Die into the kitchen.

Die led the way, pausing to pour a drink for him, just giving him fruit juice, not wanting to give him a hangover. He led Kyo out onto the back porch, pulling out a cigarette and holding it out to him. "Too much fawning over you?" he asked softly, a small smirk. "Isn't my head worse than them?"

Kyo took the cigarette gratefully, digging out his own lighter. "It's not the fawning over so much as the doting on. It's one thing to know someone thinks certain things about me, and another to be put on the spot like that. I wasn't brought up like that. I don't know how to take such treatment. It's weird."

Die laughed softly, slinging an arm around Kyo's shoulders. "Mmm... they're just doing what I did while Kaoru interviewed you, Kyo. You know... except I did it with my mouth hanging open and drooling on the table." His smirk was rather large and unmistakable.

Kyo leaned into Die's side, the arm around him becoming more and more familiar. He huffed a laugh through his nose and shook his head. "I guess sometimes I just don't get it. Or more, I guess maybe it bothers me when people make such a big deal about me being good looking or how sexual I can be on stage. I use it to my advantage, it's part of the whole... feel of what I do, but... it's still sort of degrading when I think about all the people out there that probably wouldn't give a shit about me if I was average, or ugly."

Die's thoughts immediately let Kyo know that he'd never think less of him, no matter what he looked like. He pulled him closer, rubbing his shoulder affectionately. "Hunny... people that wouldn't like you if you didn't look smokin' hot aren't worth a damn thing."

Kyo put his arm around Die's waist, sighing. "I know that. But I guess it's just the fact that people are so blinded by things like that... it makes me sad. Not to say Kaoru's mother is shallow, I'm just trying to explain why being complimented like that is... hard for me, sometimes. I get embarrassed and then I get sort of angry that what they're trying to tell me is a good thing about myself is the most useless bit about me." He shook his head, muttering something in Japanese to himself.

Die shook his head a little. "Think about it this way... they've known you a few hours. They're interested in your job. If you were a snobby businessman or something, they'd wanna know about that, too."

Kyo frowned deeply. "But that's not it! I'm an artist, not a piece of meat! I'm there to be watched, not looked at. Does that make sense?" He shook his head, pulling away a little, puffing away at the cigarette a little more anxiously. "I'm sorry, my agent has been emailing me constantly since I left LA and I'm just... kind of stressed out."

Die gently turned Kyo so that he could look him right in his face. "It's okay, Kyo. It really is." He gently rubbed a hand over his cheek. If he'd been Kaoru, he would have kissed all his anxiety away, but he didn't think that'd go over too well with Kaoru. " _I_ know you're not a piece of meat."

A long, tattooed hand covered Kyo's eyes and he heaved out a sigh. "Fuck... sometimes I just want to go home."

Die studied him for a long moment before closing his eyes and looking down at the porch. "I'm sorry," he murmured softly. "I..." he choked up a little and then shook his head, finishing in his mind. _I'm sorry you can hear everything up here and I'm sorry I don't know how to make things better._

Kyo dropped his hand. "I didn't mean I wanted to leave here. I mean... just my life. Sometimes I just want to get away and go back to Kyoto and... just pray all day and walk through gardens and not have anything to do but _live_. That's what music used to be to me, just living all the time, and now... I feel kind of like a toy on a shelf, being made flashy and attractive so people will want to buy me..."

Die's dark eyes studied him, compassion deep in them. "It'd be a shame to lose you from the music industry... but just know that no matter what, I'm here for you. Do what you think is right for you." He smoothed his hand down Kyo's arm, gently squeezing his hand when he got to it. "Some of us don't think of you as a toy on a shelf. Some of us just want to support whatever makes you happy." He stepped in closer, tilting Kyo's chin up to look at him. "And by _us_ , I mean your fans... not everyone out there is there because you're sexy as all hell. Some of us are there because you're talented and you make us feel something when you give us the nicety of letting us hear your voice. And those same people would support any decision you made that was in your better interests."

Kyo stood staring at Die for a moment before throwing his arms around him, squeezing onto him. "Thank you..."

Die blinked back his tears, hanging onto Kyo, gently smoothing a hand over his hair. "Always, Kyo... always."

Kyo nodded, pulling away and rubbing his eye. "I'd never do it, anyway. No time soon. Singing is my life, I can't give it up." He sniffed a little. "I do miss Kyoto, though, so bad. I've kind of... I get on these patterns of thinking and my recent one has been where I come from, what sort of influence I had growing up, through genetics, and how I was raised, and where. So, I've been theorizing a lot on what might have happened if I'd never gone to Paris... if I'd stayed in Japan and let myself be sheltered."

Die tilted his head, listening to Kyo. "Paris?" he asked softly, wondering what on earth he'd gone to Paris for.

Kyo sort of chuckled, leaning back against the railing of the porch. "Um, well... when I turned fifteen, I started working anywhere that would hire me, and I saved up all my money for a year and a half and then I... well, I sort of... illegally left the country and went to Paris. I lived on the street a lot and did what I could to make money, and the friends I made took me in and encouraged me to write music. I mean, I'd been taking piano since I was... since before I can really remember. I had a classically trained concept of music, and my own vision of what to do with it. Paris is where..." he bit his lip a little, shrugging. "I stopped being Tooru and I started being Kyo."

Die watched him, a look of pure curiosity on his face while he spoke. "Earlier... you said something about not having a family." He frowned softly. "What did you mean?" Rather than rushing to tell him what he wanted to, he just thought it toward him. _You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know some things are personal._

Kyo shook his head. "You're my _friend_ , Die." He rocked back and forth a little, thinking how to word it concisely. "Um. When I was six, my mom gave me up to an orphanage, one run by a monastery. I was raised by them. I guess they were my family, but... not." He made a little face, pursing his lips, not really sure what else to say about it. "Whoever my father was, he died before I was born. Or at least that's what I was always told."

Die's eyes held a sad hue to them, a frown on his face. He pulled out another two cigarettes, handing one to Kyo and lighting the other for himself. At least he'd had his parents... for a while, even if his mom was crazy as shit. He swallowed a bit and shook his head. "Was she just unable to take care of you or... something else?"

Kyo lit the other cigarette, taking a long drag and thinking it over for a minute. It was always hard to talk about, even though he'd long ago forgiven her for the anger he'd felt as a child. "She couldn't take care of me. She worked in a factory and an accident on the line caused her pretty significant brain damage. She tried, after she started to recover, to take me back, but after a few months..." he pushed a hand back through his hair. "I used to not understand, I thought she'd just been lazy or maybe she'd even faked it to try and get rid of me because she didn't want me. But, I figured out that she did it because she loved me, and the chance that I might have even a fraction better of a life away from here, in someone else's care, would be better than her being selfish to keep me when she had no way of really providing for me the way she needed to."

Die frowned deeply, gently reaching out and touching his shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that." Although, in his mind, he couldn't help but put a comparison on it. Both of their mothers mentally... incapacitated. That was the nice way to put it for him. His mom was just plain straight-up crazy. At least Kyo's mother's brain damage wasn't her fault.

Kyo merely lifted a shoulder, dropping it back down. "It's nothing to be sorry about."

Die finished up his smoke, gently tugging Kyo's hair. "So... I guess I should just pretty much disown my family right back, huh?" He couldn't help his mind circulating around such things still.

The blonde ran his fingers through his hair, quirking a brow. "Uh... yeah."

Die sighed softly, nodding a little. "Yeah... I think I should do something like... write out a letter and then get it notarized." He grinned.

Kyo laughed, throwing his head back. He ground out his cigarette and rolled his eyes, going back into the house. "Have the cops serve them papers, like a divorce."

"HA! I'm sure they'd fucking love that shit!" He headed off after Kyo, coming into the house with him. He snagged their drinks, handing Kyo's over to him and dumping the rest of his booze for some fruit punch.

Kyo snickered, moving to go back into the living room and stopping in the parlor. He listened and then set his drink down, going to the guest room, opening the door, letting out more sounds of what had stopped him; Asako was whining, not quite crying, but obviously awake and annoyed about it. He went in and picked her up, rubbing her back and walking into the living room, sitting down on the arm of the couch again. "Somebody's cranky."

Die followed Kyo, watching him when he picked up Asako and headed back into the living room. He smiled to himself. Kyo made such a cute picture with her. Unable to help it, he pulled out his cell phone and took a picture of them together.

Miyuki stood up, going over to her and cooing, leaning to kiss her hair. "I think maybe we should head home." She rubbed Asako's hair and Tadashi shifted forward in his chair, nodding a little. "I think by the time we get home, she'll need to be put down for the night."

Die settled down on the edge of the couch, putting his drink down. "I'm really happy you guys came... and I'm sorry for the drama my family caused." He pulled a face.

Miyuki didn't look at Die as she picked Asako up, saying plainly, "Don't apologize for things someone else did." 

Kaoru went to get the diaper bag and Sita stood as Tadashi did, hugging both of them and telling them how good it had been to see them.

Die offered her a sad smile before he stepped in closer, putting his arms around her, not really giving her much of a choice but to let him hug her. One arm still around her, he gently included Asako in the hug.

Kaoru came out just as Die hugged his mother, terror washing over him that she would reject him again and disbelief when she reached with the arm not holding Asako and rubbed his back, tucking her chin against his shoulder. "Take care." 

Tadashi swooped in and hugged Die as Miyuki pulled away, patting him rather hard. "We'll work out a weekend for you both to come up to the house; we'll go out on the lake and fish."

Relief flooded Die when Miyuki hugged him back. He gently kissed Asako's cheek. "You too," he murmured softly before he moved to hug Tadashi back. "Sounds wonderful to me!" He hugged him tightly before stepping back. "Thank you so much... for everything."   
They both only smiled to being thanked, exchanging short bows with Kyo before Kaoru led them out the door, closing it behind himself and walking them to their SUV. He helped load Asako in, loving on her for a long time and chatting with his parents before hugging them both and coming back into the house as they pulled away from the curb. As soon as he was back in the door, Sita was standing, giving a little stretch. "I think I should head out, too. Ramesh will be home soon and I haven't really seen him all week." 

Die settled back down on the couch, drinking his juice while everyone got ready to go. When Sita said she was leaving, he promised to let her listen to Kyo's music next time she was over, thanking her for coming and then settling back down.

Kaoru pouted, but nodded at her. She hugged Die and wished him luck in his job search, telling Kyo it was nice meeting and talking with him before following Kaoru out the back door. She grabbed a gift bag from her passenger seat and handed it to him, kissing him shortly on the mouth before backing out into the alley and driving off. Kaoru went back into the house, putting the bag on the counter and looking at the basket from Jiro and the bag from his parents. "Hey baby, I forgot we had gifts!"

At the mention of gifts, Die grinned. "Bring them in here?" he called out to his lover.

Kaoru picked all of them up, taking them into the living room and setting them down, picking up the little silver wrapped box with "Die's Significant Other" on it and shaking it, wondering what in the hell it could possibly be and honestly expecting something obnoxious or obscene. He sat down on the couch while Kyo settled himself into the armchair, watching them. Kaoru peeled at the tape and started to open the gift. 

Die picked up his gift from his brother as well, wincing slightly. "Half afraid to open this shit in case he put anthrax in it or something." He snorted, but tore into his anyway. In his was a picture of his family and him from when he'd been about nine, framed in a silver frame. The sticky note on the back said _Please reconsider_. Die pulled off the note and tossed it in the tiny trashcan with a roll of his eyes.

Kaoru looked at Die's, growling a little, then peeled the paper off his own and stopped. The corners of his mouth dropped. Inside Kaoru's was a picture of Die and him from a few months before Die had started T and left home. The sticky note on his said _I just want my sister back._ He pulled the sticky note off and looked at it, his brows knitting together. "I didn't think I could actually feel sorry for him..."

Die leaned over to look at the note and winced, shaking his head. "He's known since the beginning it wasn't his decision to make. He needs to man up and either accept that his sister is now his brother or else he should just drop it and move on. Pretend I'm dead if he has to." He settled back, waiting on whatever Kaoru wanted to do next.

Kaoru continued to frown, putting the picture down on the table, sighing. "I just think it's sad... I mean, he's wrong to think of it that way, but, it's still really depressing to think he sees it as he's lost the sister he loved." 

Kyo watched passively, eyes shifting between them. He either didn't have anything to say about the matter, or judged his opinion of it inappropriate to discuss at the moment.

Kaoru sighed and moved on, pulling the rather large bag from his parents in between them on the couch, digging through the tissue paper. He reached in and made a face, then pulled out a flower box meant to hang over the railing of a porch. He looked at it and his eyes went wide. He turned it around so Die could see. The box was finished in a rustic, crackles bronze and in black was painted their house number and "Andou-Niikura" in English, and just below it, a little smaller, again in kanji.

Die stared at the flower box, tears actually welling up in his eyes. He sniffed a bit. "That's s-so sweet," he murmured, smiling. "We need plants now." Images of some flowers and a tomato plant ran through his head.

Kaoru leaned over and pecked him on the lips, setting the flower box down on the coffee table, admiring it for a moment. Kyo gave a lopsided grin at it, watching as Kaoru grabbed Sita's bag next, laughing as he pulled out a pair of rainbow oven mitts and a simple wind chime with a large gold oak leaf at the top, an acorn hanging from the chime in the middle. He pulled the tissue paper out, discovered a small little bundle at the bottom and laughed. The sticky-sweet smell of marijuana wafted out a little as he took it from the bag and set it on the side table. "Ooooh, Sita," he hummed, still laughing a little.

Die blinked at Sita's gifts, staring at the pot for a long moment before he took a sip of his fruit punch. He stretched a little before getting up and starting to pick up the wrappings and drink cups. He opened the washing machine, pushing in the drink cups and then the other dishes from cooking except the skillet, which remained in the sink. After he turned it on, he came back out. "Anyone object to it being boxer time? These pants are killing me."

Kaoru helped straighten up as well, putting the oven mitts in the appropriate drawer in the kitchen and setting the flower box and wind chime on the bar for now. He really wasn't sure what to do with the things from Die's brother. At the question, he waggled his eyebrows. "I'm not going to object to that."

Kyo just laughed softly, shaking his head. "Go ahead."

"Thank god," Die murmured, going off to the bedroom and stripping down to his boxers, taking out his packer, tossing on a tank top and coming back out. He flopped down on the couch with a sigh of relief. "Muuuuch better."

Kaoru saw how comfortable Die was and shifted around a little. "I think that's actually a good idea." 

Kyo snickered a little, nodding and getting up, concurring, both of them wandering off to separate bedrooms and reappearing in pajama pants only. Kaoru sat down on the arm of the couch and petted Die's hair. "So baby, what do you want to do tonight?"

Die watched them both go off, smirking to himself. When they came back out, he stretched a bit and shrugged. The first thing his mind thought was _fuck_ but he didn't dare say it out loud. Instead, he gestured at the TV. "Movie?"

Kyo shrugged and Kaoru slid down on the couch, lifting Die up and sliding behind his back. "I guess. What movie?"

Die reached over and picked up the clicker. "How about... whatever the hell is on?" He laughed, flicking on the TV and flipping to the guide channel. After a few minutes, he clicked on _Taken_ , smiling to himself. "How's this?"

Kaoru nodded, Kyo getting up to make some popcorn before coming back with the bowl and three strawberry Fantas from the fridge, sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, leaning on both of them while they watched the movie. Kaoru was completely wrapped up in it, talking to himself a little while he watched it, yelling at the TV a few times. By the time it was over, after all the events of the day, it had been a nice release from the stress and end to a summer Saturday.

**To Be Continued…**


	42. Chapter 41

Ever since the party, Die hadn't been able to keep his mind from straying toward sex. Everything he did somehow turned into something sexually related in his head. It was even kind of a surprise to him, considering the brutal fucking they'd all three done the night they'd been drunk should have satisfied him for a very long time. But he'd done some research online and realized most of it was directly related to the testosterone he was taking. It was even prescribed as a treatment for women who had low sex drives. Armed with that knowledge, he'd done his best to keep from nagging Kaoru while Kyo was here, feeling a little weird about keeping a house guest up at night with the sounds they'd inevitably make if they did get it on. So when Kyo and Kaoru had both decided to go grab some cigarettes, Die took the chance to not go with them, careful to not think about what he was going to do while they were gone, just thinking to himself that he still had some cigs and he'd be fine without more for a while.

With them out of the house, he'd gone straight for the bedroom, pushing the bedroom door mostly closed, but not entirely. He grabbed his favorite vibrator, stuck two AA batteries in it and stripped out of his sweatpants, curling up on the cool sheets with his toy.

Die worked himself up into more and more of a frenzy, his body hot with desire. One hand plucked hard at his nipples, the other working the toy in and out of his ass like he'd die if he didn't do this. The longer he played with himself, the more and more he squirmed around on the bed, messing up the covers and giving himself a bad case of sex hair while he was at it.

By the time Kyo and Kaoru arrived home, Die was nearing his peak. He didn't notice the sound of the car pulling up and he certainly didn't notice the front door open. His body was tensed, the hand not using the dildo stroking at his lady-dick, desperate to give himself what he desired. His back arched, his feet pushing him up off the bed a bit while he worked himself good with the vibrator.

Somewhere in between the house and the nearest tobacco store – Kaoru and Kyo had both been hurting for some cloves - Kyo and Kaoru got into the topic of sexuality and religion. They both ate the topic up furiously, Kaoru circling blocks with the windows down so they could talk more, just the two of them, smoking and speaking almost at a shout over the noise of the open car. By the time they actually got home, they had talked so much and so vigorously that they were rather quiet as they slipped into the house, Kaoru padding over to the bedroom door to see if Die wanted to make pizza and salad for dinner. He didn't even hear the toy buzzing, not thinking anything of the noise, figuring maybe it was the little fan in the corner, but when he opened the door, his eyes bugged out, not sure which one of them should feel embarrassed.

The sound of the door sliding over the carpet was the only thing Die heard and by then it was far too late to mask what he'd been doing. With a squeak and then a gasp, Die dropped the vibrator on the bed, grabbing the edge of the sheet and pulling it up over himself. His face turned bright red and he whispered out, "Shit."

Kaoru bit his lip, slipping into the room and closing the door before Kyo had the opportunity to see, though he was sure the other was completely aware of what was going on. He just stared at Die on the bed, feeling stupid that he hadn't left and shut the door so Die could have some privacy, instead. "Ah..." He could feel his face burning. "You don't have to stop..."

Die lay there, staring at Kaoru like he had sprouted a second head somewhere along the way. One hand slipped down, finding the vibrator and twisting it into the off position. He bowed his head, trying to take in normal, soft breaths rather than the gasping, racing ones he was currently taking. Mentally all Die could think was that being caught when you didn't want to wasn't nearly as much fun as intentionally doing something where you could be seen. Making a little face, he shook his head before shivering a little and pushing himself out of the bed, stumbling to get his sweat pants back on and then get the stupid vibrator, wrapping it up in last night's towel and then standing there awkwardly. 

"Need to clean up the mess," he murmured, meaning he needed to wash the lube off his hands, preferably off his behind, and wash the vibrator off.

Kaoru stood there awkwardly, biting his lip. "Sorry... I didn't mean to walk in on you." He watched Die go about the post-fuck clean up and worried at his lip some more. "Were... were you even done?" He hated to think he'd just robbed Die of a climax.

Die shifted slightly, blushing and shaking his head. "Don't be sorry. My fault." 

He made a face again, slipping out of the room and then into the bathroom, closing the door and quickly going about cleaning up the vibrator, tossing the towel in the hamper, and then finding a washcloth to try to clean himself up. _'Idiot... fucking idiot... why the hell did I think I had enough time to do this while they were gone? What the fuck is wrong with me? And now I've upset Kaoru... what kind of fucking boyfriend am I anyway?'_ He stopped, pants around his ankles, washcloth between his legs and sighed. _'I'm just being dumb, that's all there is to it. Kaoru's just embarrassed, not mad. I shouldn't even be ashamed... but I am.'_ He made another rather epic face, sighing and finishing cleaning up before he washed his hands. Dumping the batteries out of the vibrator, he exited the bathroom, head ducked in embarrassment.

Kyo and Kaoru were just outside the door in the parlor, talking in hushed voices. 

Kyo frowned at Die, reaching out and grabbing his wrist. "Hey... it's okay. Don't be embarrassed, alright?" He looked at Kaoru for a moment. "We were actually talking about this on our way back... did you want to maybe have me talk to you guys about the tantra thing? I mean, I'm not going to be teaching you guys tantra, specifically, but, there are some things from it that I think could help you." 

Kaoru stood behind Kyo, biting his lip, hoping Die would say yes.

Die gasped when he was touched, still worked up to the point that even being touched innocently was somehow sexual. His blush deepened significantly. His first instinct was to pull away, but he didn't, just standing there feeling like a total retard, his red vibrator in the hand Kyo had grabbed.

What he hadn't expected was the subject that came out of Kyo's mouth. His head raised a little. Right then he felt like sinking into the floor in utter humiliation. But he'd wanted Kyo to do this, so he didn't argue. He just nodded a little, reaching to get the vibrator from his hand, moving it to the other, trying to hide it by his leg.

Kyo let him go, shrugging a little. "Okay. Ah, it would be best if you weren't all wound up, so... we're gonna go smoke on the porch and you... finish up. Alright? Just come get us once you're relaxed." He grabbed Kaoru and moved towards the door, both of them settling on the bench.

Die stared at him, a sharp tingle of shame flooding his body. All the same, he headed back into the bedroom, closing the door and leaning against it, his eyes shut tight. Part of him was confused why he felt so ashamed over something that he knew he needed to do once in a while. Besides, it helped with not bothering Kaoru all the time. But he still wasn't to the point where he found it to be anything but shameful after he'd cut himself off from everything before.

Moving to the bed, he tossed the vibrator into the drawer, putting the batteries in the little bag for them, sitting back, wondering how the hell he was going to do this without feeling ashamed. But after a few moments, he came to the realization that he was just going to be ashamed either way; if he finished or if he didn't.

Wetting his lips a little, he shifted back on the bed, leaning back on one elbow. His free hand slid over his groin, feeling at himself through his clothing. His hips arched into the touch, showing him he was far too eager to finish to just leave it. With a tiny whimper, he pushed his hand inside his pants, pressing against heated flesh. Even after cleaning up, he was still slick with want, his clit still throbbing with arousal.

His head fell back on the bed, the arm propping him up giving out. A soft cry left his lips as he pushed two fingers into himself, slowly fucking his passage, bringing him back toward the peak he'd been so close to earlier. His eyelids fluttered closed and he moaned deeply, thighs spreading to give himself more access, his palm rocking against his lady-dick.

It wasn't but a few minutes before he came, warmth flooding past his fingers, out over his sweatpants. Panting, he laid there, just letting himself bask in the afterglow provided by his orgasm. When he finally felt like getting up, he made sure the bed wasn't wet and then went about finding a new pair of pants to put on, tossing the old ones into the hamper and then cleaning himself up with some tissues.

That done, he left the bedroom, going to the bathroom to finish cleaning up... again. He washed himself off and then brushed out his hair before he went back into the bedroom and carefully made the bed back up, methodically covering the evidence of what he'd done, even though he'd already been caught. With that done, he headed out to the porch, cigarette in hand.

Kyo and Kaoru both looked up when Die came out, Kaoru reaching for him, wanting him to sit in his lap. "Hey, gorgeous. Feel better?"

Die lit his cigarette and then settled down on Kaoru's lap, just like the other wanted him to. He gave a tiny nod, though he still looked clearly embarrassed while he took a few drags off his cigarette.

Kaoru rubbed down Die's arm, kissing his shoulder. Kyo had told him to be extra giving with his usual affection towards Die so he would feel a little more relaxed, which wasn't difficult for Kaoru. Nuzzling his nose against his lover's arm, he held him in his lap, and then smiled up at him. "You're glowing, baby." Under the embarrassment, there was still a sated flush to Die's cheeks and he looked rather radiant. "It's beautiful."

Die's cheeks flushed a little more and he ducked his head, biting his lip. "Hnn," was the only reply he could manage.

Kaoru rubbed his side, letting Die finish most of his cigarette in peace before Kyo started to give them a short briefing on what they should expect. "I'm going to talk you guys through some little... exercises and show you some techniques. I know it might be a little weird to have me sitting there coaching you through sex? But hopefully it will be helpful, and enjoyable. And if you start really getting into it, I'll leave so I'm not breaking any sort of moment."

Die's attention flicked to Kyo as he smashed out his cigarette, listening to him and then nodding a little. He was trying really hard to shake his embarrassed feeling, knowing that probably wouldn't help them out in the bedroom at all.

Kyo stood, telling them to take a minute to just relax and talk out any concerns to each other while he went and set everything up for them. Kaoru nodded and watched him go, hugging Die a little. "I think this is going to be a little weird... but I like the idea of it, both spiritually and, ya know, the whole amazing orgasm bit." He grinned a little, leaning back and looking up at his lover.

Die curled up against Kaoru a little more, his arms winding around his lover's neck. "I don't know if it'll be weird or not. I'm just hoping it'll give us both what we want... you know?" He gave Kaoru a little smile.

Kaoru nodded, playing with Die's fingers. "One concern I have... is that I come off as too needy, too clingy, of unrealistic goals. Or wanting things you don't want. Like... having a better spiritual connection between us. I don't know if that's something you don't really give much merit to, or if that's something you want, too." He shrugged. "But, you know how I am... I worry about everything."

"To be honest... I hadn't even thought about it. I'm one of those people that just goes with the roll after the ball's moving. I mean, sometimes I feel like I can't give you what you want to... or that you don't understand how things are for me when I'm with you. But I also know I can just move on after those things." He shrugged a little, squeezing Kaoru's hand. "But I want to do this because I feel like it'll give us a way to please both of us at once rather than one at a time."

Kaoru nodding, biting his lip a little. He rubbed Die's back some more and then patted at him to stand up. "Ready, then?"

Die slid off Kaoru's lap, standing up and rubbing absently over his legs with his palms for a moment before he stuck his hands in his pockets. "Lead on."

Kaoru stood, wrapping an arm around Die and going back inside, locking the door and then heading into the bedroom, where Kyo was putting the last few touches on sprucing up the room, making it feel a little more soothing and romantic; there were tea lights burning on the dressers and some incense making the whole room a little hazy and fragrant, soft tribal music playing from the iPod dock in the corner. He'd taken a bunch of throw pillows and Kaoru's large zabuton that he pulled out now and again for meditating and had put them all on the bed, making it a plush, multi-colored wonderland of comfort. He had changed into loose sweats and a t-shirt, his hair pulled up in a ponytail, so that he was a little more comfortable as well. 

He gave a soft smile to both of them and gestured towards the bed. "I'll leave for a moment. Just... put on anything that's comfortable and will come off easily and sit on the bed facing each other. When I come back, we'll start."

Die looked around the room, finding himself smiling softly at the romance and comfort the room provided just then. When Kyo told them to get into comfortable clothing, he nodded, padding over to the bed, curling up on it. He was already comfortable and what he had on was probably the easiest access clothing he owned short of wearing boxers and nothing else.

Kaoru stripped down to nothing, pulling out a pair of loose cotton yoga pants, combing out his hair with his fingers before crawling up onto the bed and crossing his legs, rubbing at Die's knee, taking a big breath to calm himself. Just looking into Die's eyes did the job fairly quickly.

Die smiled at Kaoru, reaching for his tank top. "Should I take it off?" he asked quietly.

His lover shrugged, tossing his hair over his shoulder. "Whatever you want, darling, whatever you're most comfortable with." He flexed his toes and sort of shook himself out, trying to get loosened up and settled. 

Die left his shirt where it was, feeling more secure with it on and knowing he needed that for the time being.

Kyo reentered the room, carrying a small box with a few things in it. He flicked off the lights so that only the candles and what was left of the sunlight through the curtains lit the room, and sat down in half-lotus on the bench at the foot of the bed, facing them.

"Alright... first few things... I wanted to make suggestions to you both. I've been prying into the lives of people around me that have pretty good relationships and reading up on things, and I think that if you don't already, you should definitely make a habit of doing a date every week. A lot of people start living together and forget to keep dating. Even if it's just going to a diner and sitting together to share a piece of pie, make sure you set aside some time for both of you together. Also, have sex at least three times a week, and try not to fall into a routine with it; different positions, places, etc... The last one is that if your schedules allow, try and set aside some time every day for you to both actually talk to each other, about anything, just make a point of actually having a conversation and being honest and open."

Kaoru listened, feeling just a little awkward that a young man with virtually no relationship experience was giving them such sound advice. He reached over and linked his pinky with Die's, nodding as the blonde spoke.

When Kyo started talking to them, Die could feel a slight smile form on his lips. Maybe it should have been awkward to him, too, but it wasn't at all. Instead, he just felt like he was being offered advice that he should really take to heart. There was something sweet about the fact that Kyo had spent this much time trying to help them out. He supposed Kyo really did want them to be happy and he smiled even more.

Kyo licked his lips, looking back and forth between them. "Is that okay, does that makes sense?" He felt a little odd having them both just smile and nod at him, but he supposed that meant they understood and would take his suggestions to heart.

Kaoru nodded again. "Yeah, that makes sense. I like the sound of it, actually."

Kyo smiled a little.

"I think it would be nice to still go out on dates... like always. And I can't say I can complain about the sex." Die laughed softly.

Kaoru rubbed Die's hand a little, cutting eyes at him for a moment before Kyo started talking again. "I want to ask you both some questions, and I hope they don't seem silly, but are more insightful for you both to understand how you see your relationship. Like, what's your favorite time spent together?"

Kaoru immediately beamed. "That's easy. In the mornings, when Die gets ready for work, I've started getting up with him, making him coffee or breakfast and putting his lunch together. I don't really know if that's about us, or more something for me, because doing things like that for him make me happy, but... it's usually the favorite part of my day."

Die smiled softly at Kaoru, squeezing his hand a little. "I like those last few minutes before we go to sleep; just lying there in the warmth of each other's arms. Even if we're not talking, I adore that.

Kyo nodded, resting his hands on his knees. "What one thing in your relationship now do you think might become a reason that it wouldn't last?" 

Kaoru sort of frowned, not saying anything, trying to figure out how to phrase what he thought was probably the most problematic thing in their relationship.

The moment Die heard the question, he spit out his answer, not wanting to clam up and not answer it, knowing that would put a stop to everything they were trying to do here. "My tendency to be 'all or nothing' in everything I do." He didn't really explain why, just letting it hang like that.

Kaoru laced his fingers with Die's holding onto it tightly. "That does scare me sometimes... I think me being so pushy and controlling sometimes and Die being passive... it can be a good thing at times, I mean, you can't have two alphas in a relationship, but I also think I sort of steamroll him sometimes without meaning to." He turned to look at Die, giving him a sad smile. "Sorry..."

Die nodded a little. That fear was right up at the top of his list, too. He didn't tell him it was okay, not wanting to give the wrong impression. He just squeezed his hand harder and bit his lip a little.

Again, Kyo nodded, not really giving them feedback, just letting them share with each other. "And what's something that you think will help you last longer? And don't say because you love each other; it's honestly a cop out."

Kaoru's eyes widened at that, but he supposed Kyo was right; love wasn't concrete and it was an easy thing to buy time with. He thought for a moment. "I genuinely care about him. It matters to me if he's happy, or successful, or fulfilled. I'm not just here because I get something out of it."

Die thought carefully about the question, listening to Kaoru's answer, biting a little on his lip. "That we have things in common. There's friendship, not just love and lust."

Kyo lifted his hands, gesturing at them to move in closer to each other. "Sit facing one another. When you're ready, start addressing what you've just shared with each other."

Kaoru gnawed his lip a little, shifting a little to be looking at Die, waiting for his lover to follow suit. He took a slow breath, looking the other right in the eye. "It scares me how you shut down and will take things to such extremes sometimes. It makes me afraid both for you, the way you treat yourself, and that if we ever had a big problem, you'd want to give up, even though we've already been through a lot."

Die shifted just a little, reaching to take Kaoru's hands in his own. He frowned, shaking his head a little. "I may do everything to the extreme, but I don't give up on relationships easily. What scares me about it is that I know you don't like how I react to a lot of things... and that my reactions aren't necessarily the best ones. Like... when I gave up everything sexually except sex with you, which I cut back on as well." He shrugged a tiny bit, looking embarrassed. "I did it because the only thing I could find to blame was my sexuality... and the only reason I left in the sex with you was because my punishment wasn't meant to harm you, only me." Die sighed softly. "But that's not the only thing I've ever done that with... and I know this is going to be hell to break."

Kaoru leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. "I do understand that you're on hormones and that affects your patience and your emotions a lot, though, so that helps me be more patient and understand with you, with the sex, too. Also, the fact that you do things and hide them from me is concerning, since I didn't know you had decided to punish yourself for quite a while after you'd started it."

Die at least had the grace to look ashamed. "I knew you wouldn't like the idea..." he murmured. He wasn't sure what else to say about it. He really didn't have a defense for himself on this one.

Kaoru gave Die a short Eskimo kiss. "Of course not. You should never feel like you need to punish yourself like that, it ends up being hurtful all around in the end."

"I can't stop the urge to make sure I pay for the wrongs I've done, Kaoru. I've always been like this."

Kaoru sighed, rubbing at his lover's hands in his own. "Well, maybe next time when you feel like that, instead of doing something drastic, you can talk it out with me and maybe it will make you feel a little better."

Die took in a tiny breath and then huffed it out as a sigh, giving a tiny nod. "Yeah... I can try."

Kaoru pulled back, smiling at him softly. 

Kyo waited to continue, not wanting to cut Die off if he had his own points to bring up.

Die kind of got the point that Kyo was waiting on him. He rubbed the side of his head. "Um... sometimes I do feel like you're being too pushy. Like when we were doing stuff for the house... but I realized how to push back a little... I think. I just hope I didn't piss you off with it or anything."

Kaoru shook his head, chuckling softly. "No. Most of the time I need to be pushed back, I don't even realize I'm being so overbearing. It's good to keep me in check."

The redhead nodded a little and then quieted down, not really knowing what else to say. His fingers idly played with Kaoru's for the time being.

Kyo let them just look at each other for a moment before taking a deep breath. As if on cue, the song changed into something with more lulling drums and a primal female voice that was smooth and lilting. "Alright... now that that's out of the way, I'll start with the tantric aspect of all this. First of all, my interpretation of tantra is that it's simply an esoteric, ritualistic practice with the purpose of achieving integration into the universal whole, or becoming God, basically. Western tantra has focused on sexuality a lot, so I figured why not blend the two to help you both find something that will help you become closer to each other? Separation is only an illusion, but it's a hard illusion to see past, so maybe this will you give you the opportunity to have moments with each other where you're a single unit."

He let his voice fall soft and lulling, not too monotonous so he didn't put them to sleep. "To start, I want you to both bow to each other. When you've done that, sit up straight, look into each other's eyes, and for a good five minutes or so, sync your breath with each other." 

The tiniest smile tugged at the corner of Kaoru's mouth and he pulled his hands away from Die's, pressing them together at his heart and bowing more from his shoulders than his waist. Sitting back up, he straightened his back and shook out his hair a bit, laying his hands on his knees again and staring at Die, trying to keep their eyes locked while still watching for signs of his breathing pattern to match his own to.

Die emulated the bow, doing it just after Kaoru, not wanting to end up bashing heads with him. Sitting back, he looked up, his gaze holding with Kaoru's. His hands rested palm-up in his lap, fingers slightly curled, but relaxed. His lips parted slightly, tongue slicking over the bottom tier as he tried to listen to Kaoru's breathing, letting himself fall into relatively the same rhythm. This was fairly easy for him, mostly because when he was silent and close to Kaoru, it was hard not to breathe along with him.

With most people, at some point maintaining eye contact like this was uncomfortable. With Die, it only felt more and more natural, falling into rhythm with his lover's breath and almost into a light trance state, staring into the warm brown eyes that were so familiar to him.

At what seemed both like a few moments and several hours, Kyo softly began to speak again. "Now, lean forward into each other, and breathe alternately."

Die slowly gravitated closer to Kaoru, his breath changing slightly, trying to alternate with Kaoru's, displaying his willingness to be the one to change.

Kaoru leaned in just close enough that they could still look at each other and shifted his breath a bit as Die did the same, breathing out as Die breathed in and vice versa. At first it was a little strange and claustrophobic, but he let himself fall into it, feeling like there was a tide of energy between them, not just breath, slowly pulling back and forth.

The longer it went on, the more and more Die wanted to lean in and capture those lips with his own. But he knew he wasn't supposed to be making moves on his own and he figured he was jumping ahead again... as usual. His fingers curled up more, flexing and then releasing while he tried to push the desire away.

Kyo watched them with dark eyes, not missing when Die's hands flexed. He wanted to say something, but when the fingers released again, he stayed quiet. 

Kaoru also felt the urge to lean in and kiss Die, though it was much less based on desire and much more based on the sensation that it was the right thing to do, but he knew it would happen all in time. 

Again Die wet his lips, pink tongue darting out, dragging over his bottom lip, and then slipping back into his mouth. A slight tremble went through him, breath hitching a little. Mentally, he tried to not let himself panic that he was doing something wrong, though he couldn't get rid of the thought that he wasn't supposed to be wanting anything yet.

After another short eternity, Kyo decided to move on. "Now, whatever desires, if any, have arisen, give into them a little." 

A little smirk twitched at Kaoru's lips and he started to lean forward more, his eyes closing.

Kyo's words told Die he'd noticed his little predicament. Not that it was difficult considering Kyo's gift and Die's thoughts. With a tiny whimper, he shifted forward slightly, meeting Kaoru's lips. But he kept the 'a little' in mind, trying to only let a tiny bit of his desire slip through rather than give in to the kiss entirely. His hand shifted, arms coming closer to his body, hands wrapping slightly around his lower abdomen. The action was completely unconscious.

Kaoru sighed into the kiss, simply fitting his lips to Die's. The touch sent warm pulses through his body and his hand came up to brush down Die's arm. 

Kyo let the moment linger on for a moment and was about to end it when Kaoru slowly pulled away, sitting back up straight.

Die had trouble keeping his the kiss closed-mouthed and as nothing more than a press of lips. He wanted to move, wanted to trail his tongue over Kaoru's lips. But he kept all of that back, and when Kaoru pulled away, he moved back to where he was before, though he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push away his selfish wants and desires, trying to make them leave his body so that he could concentrate on what they were supposed to be doing instead. His thoughts drifted over the puppy in the other room, his Venus fly trap and how he needed to water it, and then finally back to the situation at hand, his eyelids fluttering open now that he had gotten rid of his desires.

Kaoru tilted his head a little at Die keeping his eyes closed, wondering what he was thinking. 

Kyo did not miss it, either. "Don't push it away, you'll break the focus. Learn to accept it, but not let it take you over. The more you fight it, the more it fights back, anyway. You have to deal with it rather than ignore it."

Die felt a cold prickle run through him, a slight frown pulling the corners of his lips down. In one way, he wanted to get upset over the fact that he didn't have the first clue in hell how to not let it take him over. How was he supposed to accept something that got him in so much trouble? But on the other hand, he knew Kyo was only trying to help them.

He felt... frustrated... to say the least. He sighed softly, swallowing hard, knowing he'd already broken the focus with his own stupidity. The problem was, he'd had broken it either way. "Sorry," he murmured, not knowing what else to say. He supposed maybe the only way he'd ever 'deal with it' was to simply suffer through the thoughts clouding his mind, since he wasn't allowed to push them away. But he thought that would be worse for trying to get through this like they were supposed to. After all, he was supposed to be calm, not a twisted knot of stupidity and desire. Maybe if he thought of void, of nothingness and blankness, Kyo wouldn't notice he was trying to clear his mind, because he didn't know what else to do.

Kyo felt a little sadness for Die, seeing that urge to go to extremes flare up. "That's why we're doing this Die, to teach you how to have patience with the desire. It's not supposed to go away, just be trained."

Kaoru shifted slightly, his eyes soft as he looked at Die. "I'm not exactly feeling platonic right now, either, Die. But I know it will come, so I'm patient." He offered him a small smile.

Die’s heart gave a slightly pained throb of anxiety as he drew in a shaky breath. One hand lifted, rubbing over his face. "I'm not impatient," he murmured quietly. And really, it wasn't impatience that was the problem. The fact was, he just didn't know what to do with the desires that meant he wanted more from that kiss than Kaoru had. He wanted too much and he knew it. In his mind, there was only two ways to deal with desire: do something about it or kill it. He wanted to ask for direction, wanted to ask what the hell 'deal with it' meant to everyone else, since his dealing with it obviously wasn't allowed. He supposed maybe in everyone else's land, they had some desire and it stayed that way. Maybe with other people, desire didn't grow, didn't become more intense. Maybe they had a switch that flicked on and said 'desire operational' and it stayed at a steady rate rather than the exponential curve that he had and that was how they 'dealt with it', because the desire to kiss was exactly the same as the desire to have sex. But in Die-land, the desire to kiss someone was just the start of much, much more and it was loads easier to keep killing a tiny desire than to have to try to kill a larger one somewhere along the way. Instead of asking for help, he plainly started thinking of absolutely nothing at all: a giant void. He settled his hands in his lap again, palm up, and tried to alternate his breathing with Kaoru's. He was determined to just move on and stop concentrating on his inability to be a normal person.

Kaoru laid his hands over Die's, rubbing his palms, speaking in a soothing voice. "Baby..." He sighed, trying to keep the rhythm of their breath going even as he spoke. "Talk to me... tell me what's going on, we want to help you."

Die sighed softly. He didn't really want to talk about it right then, because he didn't want to ruin things any more than he already had. How were they supposed to know if this was going to work if they never got past the first ten minutes? But obviously Kaoru wanted to talk this out. But Die just felt really damn stupid for not understanding. "I just don't understand the concept of 'deal with it', I guess. I _did_ deal with it." Still, he tried to focus on breathing.

Kaoru nodded, thinking. "I suppose... it's kind of like, when I want to use. The more I try not to think about it and just push the urge aside, the worse it gets. I have to sit down and make myself imagine cutting up a line and think about how much I'd regret it if I did and then it goes away." He made a face, realizing perhaps that had been a bad example. "I don't know... I'm trying to be helpful."

Die blinked a little. "But that's what I always do. It just fuels the desire because then I'm imagining doing whatever it was I wanted." He made a little face. "If I squish the little desires, then I'll never get more worked up. Isn't that kind of what's supposed to happen? That my desires don't get bigger?"

Kaoru pursed his lips. "I suppose. I just... don't want you feeling like the way you feel is wrong. It isn't. If you didn't want me, then we'd really have a problem. It's just... gaining better control over how you feel and not letting it detract from the other things." He bit his lip, wondering if he even wanted to know the outcome, but plunging on anyway. "I mean... I just don't want you out in space. The whole purpose for me with this is us being closer to each other, not really sex. We're using sex to be together, not the other way around."

Kyo nodded, trying to word it as best he could. "Maybe when you start to feel like the lust is getting really heavy, focus on Kaoru, on how much you love him, not everything else."

Die shifted a little bit again. Not for the first time, he wondered why they weren't just cuddling and talking if Kaoru just wanted the closeness and not the sex. But he supposed the sex was like... some kind of fringe benefit for people who had normal libidos. Like something that just kind of happened and they could take it or leave it.

Glancing at Kyo, he nodded a little. Okay, so the reason he'd gotten in trouble was because he'd thought about the dog and plants and not about Kaoru. That made a little more sense. Now he just hoped he could get through it without thinking of other things.

Kaoru tensed up and then relaxed again, shaking out his shoulders. 

Kyo chuckled at him. "Right, right... back to the original task at hand. Just... keep breathing alternately until you're back in that light trance from before." Kaoru did so, trying to somehow push how much he loved Die out with each breath, hoping his lover could feel it.

Die closed his eyes again for a moment, pushing his worries away. He had to or else he was going to have an issue with concentrating on anything except his frustration. He rolled his shoulders and then settled down, opening his eyes and meeting Kaoru's with his own. Slowly, he sank back into the trance-like state, but this time he just concentrated on the breathing properly, thinking that Kaoru breathed out and he should breathe in, then vice-versa.

Kyo simple let them be for a moment, Kaoru hardly blinking as he watched Die. He found he rather liked the breathing exercises, to have his focus only on Die, for something so essential to his existence be synced and dependent upon his lover's own rhythm. Kyo shifted a little, reaching into the box he'd brought with him. "One key with tantra is letting energy flow naturally, which is part of why I don't want you blocking or squashing your urges, Die. It's about letting them just be, without letting them bowl you over. Once you actually get to the intercourse, it's important to not tense up; it's easy to do during sex, to get really tense and stiff and strained, especially with breathing and noises, like doing the really short, shallow breaths with," he started to make short, "Uhn, uhn, uhn!" moans as an example, a tiny tremor of a laugh going through Kaoru. "Keep everything relaxed and open and try to let it just happen, keeping your focus on breathing, and each other."

At the noises Kyo made, Die blushed deeply. That was pretty much the noises he tended to make about half the time. He kind of wondered how he was supposed to keep his body relaxed during sex when the only path to his orgasm was to tense everything downstairs. But then again, that would prove to be a good thing, since he'd never get to orgasm and therefore give Kaoru what he wanted with the long drawn out session. He imagined it would be harder for Kaoru to figure out how to not tense his dick when obviously it did that all by itself. So in the big picture, Kaoru had the worse problem in front of him, he supposed.

Kyo leaned forward on the bed, placing a small bottle of sandalwood scented massage oil between them. "I want you to massage each other. Not head to toe, and not for the purpose of arousal, but to be soothed by each other's touch, and to feel validated that you can do something to alleviate stress and calm each other." He settled back on the bench, clearing his throat a little. "Die, where do you carry tension the most?"

Die blinked at the bottle of massage oil, unable not to glance over at it when it was sat down, his curiosity too great. But immediately, he looked back at Kaoru. "Neck and lower back."

Nodding, Kaoru moved, fluffing up some pillows and then reaching to tug Die's shirt off. "Lie down." He opened the bottle of oil and poured some onto his hands, rubbing them together to warm them up.

Die shifted, letting Kaoru get his shirt off and then moving to lay flat on his stomach, arms down at his sides. He knew that was the easiest way to get the knots out of the places he'd mentioned. His cheek lay against the pillows, eyelids closed while he tried to concentrate on keeping the same breathing rhythm.

Kaoru shifted with his knees just against Die's arm, leaning and starting to first just rub his hands down his lover's neck, starting at his hair line and down into his shoulders, then digging in his thumbs, working the muscles thoroughly, but at a constant, slow, smooth pace. When he felt like he had effectively loosened him up, he moved down to the small of Die's back, rubbing back hands across it and kneading at the flesh like it was bread dough, rocking the heel of his hand against his lover's spine and then down either side of it.

Occasionally, Die would gasp in a little breath at the pain of something. It wasn't that Kaoru was really hurting him, it was just that he was incredibly tense and it was showing now that Kaoru was working out the kinks.

At each little gasp, Kaoru would ease up, going gently for a while before working more deeply on Die's tight muscles. When he felt he had done as good a job as he was able, he smoothed his hands all the back up and down Die's back a few times and leaned to kiss his shoulder. 

Kyo couldn't help but smile at them, jerking his chin up at Kaoru. "Where do you carry all your tension?"

The older man thought about it for a minute. "My top of my neck, up to the base of my skull, and my wrists."

Die sleepily managed to drag himself into an upright position, blinking a few times and then stretching, his back giving three loud pops in quick succession. "Hnn," he announced before finding the massage oil and sitting down with his legs spread, patting the bed for Kaoru to come and sit there.

Kaoru scooted over and sat cross-legged between Die's long legs, pulling his hair over his shoulder and hanging his head down, hands rested on his knees.

Die carefully poured some oil into his hands, rubbed them together and then started massaging from Kaoru's shoulders to up to his neck, knowing the muscles were linked.

Kaoru groaned as he exhaled, the first few moments painful, and then absolute bliss. He hummed and moaned appreciatively as Die worked at his muscles, slumping more and more, like he was slowly becoming more liquid than person.

Die smiled softly, working on Kaoru's neck until he was sure it was okay. For a moment, he debated massaging Kaoru's wrists from behind, but he didn't think it would come across as non-sexual. Instead, he gently rubbed over his back and then patted it. "Turn around for me?"

Drowsy now, Kaoru scooted himself around, stretching his legs out on top of Die's, sitting close to him and holding out his right arm, first.

Die reached for him, taking his hand and slowly working over the forearm down to the wrist, thumbs doing most of the work there. He continued down to his hand and then back up to his wrist, repeating the process a few times before he switched hands.

Kaoru's eyes fell shut and he rocked back and forth slightly to Die's rubbing, a constant purr rumbling in his chest, a smile on his lips. 

Kyo had to be particularly in control not to laugh at him and break the mood.

Die arched one eyebrow at him, but said nothing, just finishing up and then quietly asking, "That good?"

Kaoru nodded, dropping his hands into his lap and leaning forward to peck Die's cheek. "Very. Thank you, baby."

Die gave a slight nod, carefully curling his legs back up so he was sitting cross-legged, trying to regulate his breathing again.

Kaoru moved so that Die could sit right again, shifting around, feeling much looser. 

Kyo reached and got the bottle of oil out of the way, putting it back into the box. "Alright... now, undress, and for a while, I want you just to kneel in front of each other, foreheads together, and try to simply feel one another, both physical body and spiritual presence. When you're ready, start to kiss."

Kaoru blushed a little, but he rocked back and slid out of his yoga pants, tossing them to the floor, shifting around on his knees and waiting for Die.

Die looked a little bit unsure of himself. It was much easier to control his wants with his clothing _on_. But that wasn't the instruction he'd been given. After a few moments, he followed suit, removing his sweat pants and putting them on the floor next to the bed. He shifted to his knees, moving close enough to Kaoru to do what Kyo wanted them to. He pressed his forehead to Kaoru's, keeping his eyes on Kaoru's face and absolutely nowhere else. His hands rested in his own lap, linked together and sort of hiding himself from view. He made certain their breathing was synced, his eyes staring into Kaoru's.

Continuing to stare into Die's eyes so close to him was awkward and a little strenuous. Kaoru let his lids slide closed and his arms lifted to wrap around Die's shoulders, nuzzling their noses together a bit and trailing his hands around to rub up and down his lover's arms, letting himself try to sense Die with more than his just his eyes.

Die tried to do the same thing, glad to close his eyes since he'd been having a hard time not looking at the rest of Kaoru. He sniffed a little and then continued breathing properly again. He wanted to touch Kaoru, but he knew he'd lead it down the wrong path, so he kept his hands to himself, trying to ignore Kaoru's touches to his body and only know that Kaoru was close. After all, it was supposed to be about sensing Kaoru, not enjoying Kaoru's touch on his own body.

Kaoru did his best to keep his mind as even and blank and possible, imagining Die's energy as a glowing, vibrant red that he took in a little with each breath. His fingers made spirals over his lover's skin and he started taking deeper, slower breaths, readying himself to move forward and trying to send Die strength to stay collected and not let lust and desire get the better of him, wanting him to enjoy it, for certain, but not wanting the intimacy they shared now to fade.

Die continued to sit there, moving his breathing with Kaoru. He felt heavy, almost tired, but not quite. His mind drifted around, unsure of what exactly they were supposed to do, having forgotten Kyo's words. Slightly annoyed at himself, he shoved his mind back on Kaoru, knowing he wasn't supposed to be wondering anything yet.

After a couple more minutes of breathing, Kaoru leaned in more, nuzzling against Die and then pressing a slow kiss to his mouth, petting over his arms. The feel of his lover's lips alone made him feel high, every little nuance of it taken note of and stored away, enjoyed for what it was in the moment.

Die let a tiny whimper out into Kaoru's mouth. He quickly stopped that though, knowing it wasn't promoting breathing. He just let their lips rest together, his eyes closed, and his hands still in his lap.

Kaoru moved his mouth against Die's, his tongue just barely coming out to touch against his lover's lips. He hummed a little, moving slightly forward, one hand coming up to touch Die's hair.

Kyo shifted slightly to get more comfortable. "Now... continue to kiss and touch one another. Don't let the desire spike too quickly, try to keep it steadily rising and work the energy out in the moment, not letting it build up and make you tense again."

Die knew his uncertainty was showing in the crease between his eyebrows, but he kind of hoped at the angle he was sitting that Kyo wouldn't notice. One hand lifted, pausing in the air between them, fingers trembling. But after a moment, he put the hand back down, draped across his own thigh. He knew if he did anything, he'd want to keep doing it, so he was honestly afraid to do a damn thing. As it was right then, he was okay. The earlier want to kiss Kaoru deeper had been stomped down and hadn't flared back up too badly. If he just let Kaoru do what he wanted, he could stay calm... as long as his lover stayed away from certain parts of his body. But he also knew if he didn't react at all, that he'd probably be in trouble again. 

Mentally, Die groaned. He'd let his mind drift to worrying rather than keeping focused on breathing and Kaoru. The crease between his eyebrows deepened as he forced himself back to thinking about Kaoru. Breathe in... breathe out. Breathe in... breathe out. He could feel the way Kaoru's fingers twisted each strand of his hair, pulled just slightly against it. No... he was feeling about himself again. Hair didn't have feeling in the strands, so he tried to focus on something else instead. The kiss was not something good for him to concentrate on and he knew that, so he left that with his mouth still unmoving, just letting Kaoru do as he wished. The hand on his arm... that seemed safe. Kaoru's fingertips felt different than his palm, just a little tougher maybe. The touch made his skin tingle a little. Frustration welled up inside him again. He was feeling what Kaoru was doing to him again instead of feeling Kaoru as a being. It was like he couldn't keep himself out of the equation. It was all 'this felt good' or 'that felt good' rather than just thinking about Kaoru. He wondered vaguely if he could shut off his own nerve endings if he willed it to happen hard enough so that he'd stop being distracted. 

He went back to focusing on the breathing, that seeming to be the only thing he could do right so far. It took him a while before he figured out he could smell Kaoru. That was something he could keep himself out of the equation with. The other smelled of cigarettes mostly, but under it he could smell the pomegranate from his shampoo, the hint of Calvin Klein cologne that he liked to wear, a bit like patchouli and cedar, and beneath all of that, the faint sting of sweat.

Kaoru pushed a little more, kissing Die with deep affection tinged around the edges with lust, and then he realized that Die was not kissing him back. The tip of his tongue went out to lick at Die's lips, trying to get some sort of reaction, but something about his lover just sitting there like a statue had already made his heart fall. He pulled back, attempting to not look as upset as he felt. 

Kyo almost groaned. He knew Die was trying, but perhaps he was doing so a little too hard. He sighed, looking between them both. "Maybe... maybe we should try this again later?"

Die made a soft sound of despair when Kaoru pulled back. When Kyo suggested they try again later, Die looked absolutely crestfallen. What had he done wrong now? He'd been following the directions! He was focusing as well as he could on Kaoru and only Kaoru, he wasn't pushing anything toward lust, and he was breathing right. He almost wanted to cry, not understanding what was wrong this time. Hanging his head, he whispered softly, "I'm trying... but I don't know what I did wrong this time. I was thinking of Kaoru, making sure I tried as hard as I could to not think about myself, I kept lust out of it, and I'm breathing right. So... what did I do wrong now?" He raised his head a little, looking between them, fear painted plainly in his eyes. "I know I let myself slip a little. I thought the touches felt nice on my skin. But I corrected it and thought about Kaoru's fingertips instead." His voice told that he really did want this to work.

Kyo frowned, hating that they were making Die feel this way. 

Kaoru sagged a little. "You... you weren't kissing me back. Like you didn't even want to do this." He honestly wanted to just get the hell out of the room, maybe even leave the house for a while, go somewhere he could be alone and feel like an asshole, but he stayed on the bed, staring at his hands.

Die's eyes widened a little. "No, I want it!" He looked shocked that they'd think he didn't. He wouldn't be trying so damn hard if he didn't.

Kyo sighed, crawling forward and touching both of them on the shoulder. "Die... it isn't about not feeling yourself, in fact, it's about feeling both of you together, as one unit. And it is about sex, too. The only thing you need to avoid is letting your thoughts go too much into, 'I wanna fuck so bad right now!" kind of thing... I mean, this _is_ sex, or getting to it, at least. It's supposed to feel amazing, but you can't dive headfirst into it thinking with just your sexual desires, but it's just as damaging to block them out entirely. It's a sweet spot you just have to learn, and it might take a while."

Die listened to Kyo, nodding a little bit. "So... it's okay to kiss back... and okay to touch... and okay to feel desire as long as it's not like... big desire. Kind of... like normally I'm a stove burner on full blast. But I need to be on simmer and leave it there permanently, right?" The trouble was, he knew Kaoru would have an issue with it if he just suddenly stopped doing something and he wasn't entirely sure what would set him off. But he supposed they'd deal with that issue when they came to it. For now, he wanted to get past this one and not have Kaoru give up.

Hesitantly, he reached out and took Kaoru's hand in his own.

Kyo snapped his fingers. "That's exactly it. I mean, if you feel like you're gonna cum, don't block it? But don't fight towards it, either. Just let it happen on its own, and try to keep the rhythm of your breath as best you can. Alright?" 

Kaoru squeezed Die's hand back, rubbing his fingers, trying to offer him a smile.

Die swallowed slightly. "But what if I do get off? I mean... you say it's okay... but if I do it too soon then it's gonna ruin everything, right?" This was, in his opinion, where being able to - and wanting to - have multiple orgasms was working completely against him.

Kyo shrugged, moving back to the bench. "If it happens, it happens. You'll learn to sync more over time. Right now, I want you to focus on keeping a natural rhythm with sex and letting it happen organically. The rest will come with time and practice."   
Kaoru bit his lip a little, playing with Die's fingers. "So... I guess we should start again?"

Die let out a soft sound and then nodded a little. "I'm sorry I keep having issues. I really am doing my best," he murmured softly, squeezing Kaoru's hand a little again.

"I know, baby." Kaoru leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Die, noses pressed together, wanting to get their breathing back in sync before picking up with kissing him again.

Die let his eyes fall closed, concentrating only on their breathing, hoping it would be easy to just fall back into what they had had before.

Kaoru closed his eyes, his arms resting comfortably against Die's back. He noted that Die's breathing had gotten a little quicker, but he fell into alternating with it easily, tugging him a little closer after a moment and kissing him again.

Die shifted a little bit closer, making himself a bit more comfortable so he wasn't straining his back. When Kaoru started kissing him again, Die responded this time. His lips moved slowly over Kaoru's, his tongue dragging out over his lover's lower lip. A soft sigh of desire left his lips before he could even stop it. Immediately he blushed, not having meant to do that, but he was just a vocal person and he couldn't help it.

Kaoru purred, meeting Die's tongue with his own in a slow dance, scooting closer, one hand trailing down his lover's arm again. The taste of him set him off, pushing back towards the momentum that had been broken. He wanted to crush Die against his body, but he held back, just touching him gently over his shoulders and arms, kissing him almost lazily.

When it came to his hand lifting to touch Kaoru again, Die actually let himself do so. He pushed his hand over his lover's arm and then down onto his chest. He could feel himself becoming aroused, the slight tingling starting in his belly. The feeling of Kaoru's tongue against his own felt amazing and the touch on his skin made him tingle even more. With a tiny sound, he tried to tone the kiss down a little, knowing he was getting too worked up over it.

Kaoru's hand went to the back of Die's neck, pulling him a little more into the kiss. His own patience was being tested, but as long as he focused on Die's touch and how familiar it was, how much knowing that reminded him how deeply he loved the other, he could focus and keep himself on task. Humming a little, he squirmed, trying to move so that Die's hand on his chest was over his heart, wanting him to feel the rhythm there.

The redhead let out a soft little sound when Kaoru started to squirm around. His hand slipped down over Kaoru's heart, the steady thrumming just as fast as his own. A little shiver worked its way through him and he let it, remembering he was told not to tense up. He shifted slightly, breaking the kiss to skim his lips over Kaoru's jaw, hoping he was allowed to do this. He just wanted to do something like this rather than kiss for a moment.

Kaoru let out a soft sigh, tilting his head to make it a little easier for Die. He realized he was getting hard and blushed a little, but didn't try to fight it or hide it, just accept that it was happening and not fixate, his hands moving over Die's back and side, dropping a little kiss to his shoulder. Kyo sat silently, watching, biding his time to see if they would move along naturally or if they needed a bit more guidance.

Die let out a tiny whimper, kissing over his jaw and then down over his neck. His tongue flicked out, tasting the skin there. It made his lower half tingle. He had the urge to move closer, to go further, but he tried to refocus himself on their breathing and on the taste of Kaoru's skin under his tongue.

Die's hot tongue over his skin made Kaoru gasp, but he pulled himself back together, moving a little closer, crawling on his knees. He whispered out his lover's name, hand moving down to hold his hips lightly, craning his neck down to kiss more along the other's shoulder.

Die let out a whimper, pressing his cheek to Kaoru's shoulder, shivering a bit while he nuzzled on his lover. His free hand shifted a little, gently rubbing over Kaoru's thigh, unsure if that was okay or not.

Kaoru let out a small sound with his exhale, moving to try and catch Die's mouth in a kiss again. This was harder than he had thought, he was ready to put his hands all over Die, but he felt a little better knowing Die wasn't the only one feeling challenged.

Die moved to kiss Kaoru in return. He was impatient to continue on, but part of him was slowly starting to enjoy the torture.

Kaoru's hand slipped around to the back of Die's waist, pulling him closer, but not yet against his body. He focused on savoring the taste of the other's mouth, his smell, the feel of his skin under his hands. His heart started to pound a bit faster, but he slowed his breathing as best he could, trying to keep it under control.

Die's hands shifted, his patience growing thin. He desperately wanted to touch Kaoru in other places, but he didn't dare do so. Instead, he touched him everywhere else, his hands smoothing over tattooed skin. A little mewl left him and he shuddered slightly. His heart was pounding and he knew he was growing slick with his arousal. He knew he wasn't supposed to squash the urges he had, but he was finding it difficult to let them just simmer and not really grow. With no other choice, he ended the kiss, stilling his hands on Kaoru's hips, rocking a tiny bit in place. Maybe if he just waited instead of trying to actively kill his feelings, then it would be acceptable. He was supposed to simmer and right then he was most definitely not simmering. Focusing on Kaoru's breathing, he tried to keep his there as well. "Give me a second," he whispered softly.

Kaoru shushed him softly, peppering kisses down his jaw. His hands came back up Die's back and then down over his arms, lacing their fingers together as he kissed down Die's neck, softly, not trying to tease him, but not wanting to just stop, either.

Die tilted his head a little to the side, the rise and fall of his chest more than obvious as he tried to calm his breathing down. He gave a little shiver, his fingers squeezing a little around Kaoru's.

Inching ever closer, Kaoru licked a path down Die's shoulder, then spotted kisses back up, hoping that by the time he got to Die's mouth his lover would be ready to move forward. There was hardly an inch between the tip of his cock and Die's stomach and he longed to close the gap, to press against the other, but he waited.

The reactions Kaoru managed to drag from Die even with just the smallest of things was utterly amazing. He moaned, his hands moving to grab onto Kaoru's arms, head thrown back, eyelids closed. It wasn't fair how much he felt things right then. Right then, he just wanted to be normal... like everyone else, but Kaoru's kisses were like alcohol on a fire.

"Shhhh..." Kaoru nuzzled his nose against Die's cheek, reaching around to massage his neck again. "Just relax, Die. It's okay."

Die shifted a little, giving a soft whimper as he buried his nose against Kaoru's shoulder, letting Kaoru massage him.

Kaoru rubbed at his neck, just breathing for a long while. When he felt that he'd surely have calmed Die by now, as well as himself, he leaned back, staring at him, and slowly shifted forward, bringing their bodies together, arms wrapping around his back.

It took Die every single moment of the time Kaoru gave him to get things back on simmer. When Kaoru shifted forward, moving against him, Die whimpered, his own arms coming up and around Kaoru's shoulders. He could feel his lover's arousal pressed against him and it made him feel so much better about the ache between his own legs.

Kaoru smiled softly at him, fingers brushing over the other's skin. He pressed his nose into Die's neck and just breathed for a while, rocking slightly back and forth. After a moment, he felt something almost tickle at his brain and almost cursed, thinking it was the start of a headache, until he heard Kyo's voice. _Touch him. Don't try to arouse him, he's already there, just touch him._

Kaoru's heart rate started grinding a little faster to hear Kyo's voice in his head, and the implications, but he heeded. Softly beginning to kiss Die's neck, he let one hand come around the other's side and slide down between them, fingers rubbing above his little cock, almost like he was massaging at it.

Die leaned his head slightly to the side, letting Kaoru kiss him there. The contact of their bodies made it a little less like torture and he was thankful for that at least. He didn't feel like he had to keep his hands to himself, so he was more relaxed and at ease, the situation more familiar. When Kaoru's hand slipped between them, massaging over his lady-dick, he let out a soft sigh of pleasure on his exhale, fingers tightening a little against Kaoru's skin. 

Kaoru worked the area just over his lover's dick, rubbing the skin with skilled fingers. He continued to leave little kisses along Die's throat and after some time, his fingers slipped down, stroking at the other with firm, slow touches.

Die's hips rocked into the touch. Even if he'd wanted to stop the action, he couldn't. It just wasn't one of those things that was stoppable. His fingers glided down Kaoru's back and then up to his shoulders again.

Rubbing more, Kaoru shifted a bit to slip his hand back and slide two fingers into his lover, kissing along the top of his chest. He rubbed inside him carefully, thinking casually to himself that this was muscle, too, and could hold tension, not to mention, he was probably still sore from a few nights ago. 

Kyo shifted up onto his knees, waiting to let Die acclimate for a while, ready to crawl up onto the bed and position them, and then observe to make sure they didn't lose themselves. If all went well, he would leave them to it.

Die took in a shuddering breath when Kaoru slid his fingers into him. Vaguely, he wondered if this was actually allowed or if they were breaking some rule. His body pulsed a little around Kaoru's fingers, liking the attention there. His hips moved forward a tiny bit, a slow rock to move Kaoru's fingers inside him. Still he just clung to Kaoru, his nose against his lover's shoulder. He wanted to touch, too, but he wasn't sure he could be so patient with his touches.

Kyo crawled forward a little on the bed. "Loosen up, Die. It's okay to move with him, just don't get too tight, don't let your body lock up, just ride with it." 

Kaoru persisted, his own desire evident by his slow, minuscule little rocks against Die's stomach, a pearl of pre-cum rubbing off against the other's skin.

Die pushed forward a little more before he slowly dragged his hips back, and then forward again. His hands finally loosened their death-grip on Kaoru's shoulders, sliding down over his body and around his waist. He stopped there, unable to convince himself he'd be able to be slow if he touched certain areas of his lover's body. His thumbs swirled gentle patterns over his lover's flesh.

Kyo carefully scooted closer; keeping his voice even so that he wasn't disturbing anything too much. "When you're ready... Kaoru, sit back with your legs crossed. Die, sit in his lap with your legs around him. Don't start anything, just... stay linked and breathe for a moment, let your body get used to the feeling of intercourse rather than be shocked by it."

Die turned his eyes on Kyo, looking at him and then nodding a little. The bit about not starting anything yet made him think that they were supposed to just sit there and feel the position before actually doing anything. But he wasn't entirely sure. He pulled back a little, waiting on Kaoru to situate himself.

Kaoru shifted, crossing his legs with is ankles together, leaving his hips rather wide. He looked at Kyo for a second, not sure what to ask or what he was waiting for. The blonde shrugged slightly. "Just... help him a little." Kaoru nodded, turning his attention back to Die, holding his cock so that he could guide it into his lover and resting the other hand on Die's hip, waiting for him.

Die shifted once Kaoru had, reaching to steady himself on Kaoru's shoulder while he moved into his lap. He settled down, assuming since Kaoru was holding his dick in the right position that he was supposed to actually mount him. When he slipped down onto Kaoru's dick, he couldn't stop the moan, shivering as he settled entirely down.

Kaoru's moan was softer, but there nonetheless, his hands pulling Die's legs around him before they traveled back up his lover's body, cupping his face, staring into his eyes and trying to let him know how much he loved him, knowing words wouldn't really do the trick. 

Kyo moved to sit beside Kaoru, though careful not to touch either of them. "The movement is easy in theory, but it's keeping it smooth and in rhythm that's hard, just like the breathing." Demonstrating, he sat with his legs crossed, moving his hips forward and back in a slow, vertical circle. "You want to move into each other, obviously, so you're coming forward at the same time, still alternating breaths." He stopped, getting back up on his knees. "Die, if I told you to, ah, breathe through your vagina, would that make sense?"

Kaoru chuckled a little, rubbing his thumb over his lover's cheek. "I get that. Baby?" Shifting his focus, he mentally breathed all the way down to the floor of his pelvis, a moan leaving him on the exhale, his eyes fluttering shut a little, a shiver running through his body.

Die tilted his head a little, watching Kyo's demonstration of what they were supposed to do. He thought he could understand that. It tended to make some amount of sense, though not in the logical kind of way. On the inward breath, he let his muscles draw up a little and then on the outward breath, he let himself completely relax down below.

Nodding, Kyo moved back to the bench, sitting down and shutting up, removing himself from what should have only been the two of them, anyway. 

Kaoru moved his hands down to Die's back, his eyes seeming a little glazed. He made a tiny circle with his hips and then rocked them back, keeping the movement in rhythm with his breath as he then pressed forward into Die, making a low sound of pleasure.

Die trembled a little bit. He closed his eyes, biting his lip slightly while he moved with Kaoru, trying to just meet Kaoru's actions.

Kaoru's hands settled against Die's shoulder blades, holding him close. He stared at his lover's face, his breathing getting a little louder, but fairly even. "Look at me, baby," he whispered, a slight pleading to his voice. He felt like his heart was overflowing with love for Die, slowing down what he considered to the most intimate practice between them and focusing on each part, giving it proper dues, making him high on his feelings for Die. He had to see his eyes, had to know they were at least near the same page.

The redhead moved a little to where he could look at Kaoru. His breath huffed out slightly as he shifted toward Kaoru and then away.

Kaoru stared into the beautiful brown eyes that over the past year had become more like a feeling of home than almost anything before in his life. He continued moving, his whole being focused on Die, and them together, everything else just a blur, a hazy background. Carefully, he leaned forward, doing his best not to change the angle too much, and kissed his lover sweetly.

Die kept moving with him, breathing the way he was supposed to. He gently kissed Kaoru back, giving a tiny moan into the kiss.

Kaoru kissed him slow, finding some sort of sweet spot to maintain a rhythm with the kiss, his hips, and his breathing. When he finally pulled away, he whispered quietly in Japanese, "You're my whole world." He pulled back just enough to look at Die, hands still cupped against his back, his breathing beginning to come a little harder, a bit faster, his hips matching the increased rate, having to really pay attention to not let his body tense up.

"I love you," Die replied softly, shifting to press his forehead to Kaoru's, still looking into his eyes while he moved, letting Kaoru increase the speed and re-set the pace for them both. He felt utterly amazing. Something about the moment made him forget that he cared about orgasm at all; he could have just stayed there forever.

Kaoru smiled softly, nuzzling against Die, hands laced together now at the small of his back. Somewhere during all of it, Kyo had quietly slipped out, deciding they would be just fine, getting ready for bed and then lying down in the guest room.

Die let out a soft moan, biting his lip a tiny bit while he continued to move. He moaned softly, shivering a little bit on an inhale.

The rhythm itself put Kaoru into a light trance, the pleasure working him until he was starting to lose control, and then he would come back down, but slowly, slowly, he felt orgasm start to coil tightly in his stomach. His exhales turned into near constant moans and he could only hope that Die was feeling similar; he'd hate to cum and leave his lover hanging when this was supposed to be about them as a single unit.

Die moaned softly, his pace just remaining constant with Kaoru's. The slowing back down always prevented him from ever tightening his vaginal muscles. He was sopping wet, but nowhere near anything he would expect orgasm to come from. Honestly, he knew where his orgasms came from and that was always a straining pull of his muscles until it was just too much and the pressure released. The only time it was any different was if his g-spot was being struck over and over and even then it was a pull of muscles and then a release. But in this case, he was preventing the tensing up from happening at all. Not that he wasn't enjoying it, because he was for certain. Honestly, nowhere in his mind was he thinking of how he wouldn't orgasm. Mostly, he just thought about how he could stay like that forever.

It started at Kaoru’s hands, grabbing at Die's hips, rubbing harder over the small of his back, then his toes curling. Die's hot slickness over him wasn't helping at all, either. Slightly ashamed, he leaned into his lover, huffing into his ear, "I'm starting to lose it, baby."

Die's first thought was that at least it wasn't him who was losing it first. That meant he'd accomplished everything he wanted to rather than failing hopelessly. "It's okay," he whispered out, leaning slightly closer to catch Kaoru's lips with his own.

Kaoru returned the kiss with a bit of force, catching himself and trying to relax again, but he was edging on the point where if he didn't actively work towards an orgasm, it was going to become painful for him. He pulled back, his rhythm becoming less smooth. "Please cum with me. What can I do to help?"

Die slid his arms around Kaoru's shoulders, holding onto him. When he asked what he could do, Die bit his lip a bit, shivering slightly. "I don't know if I can without tensing," he murmured softly.

Kaoru groaned slightly. "I can't just leave you hanging, pumpkin... unh, I'm really close..." It was odd being so close without going at a break neck pace. With his body was shaking, he was still more or less within rhythm, his arms wrapped around Die, hugging him to him.

The words caused Die to shift a little closer to Kaoru, bowing his head. He remembered that Kyo had said they'd work on cumming together later and he honestly didn't mind if Kaoru came and he didn't. He kept up his breathing, murmuring softly, "Cum, baby... please."

Kaoru whimpered, his breath getting faster and so did the circling of his hips, almost bordering on genuine thrusts. The fingers of one hand curled in Die's hair and when the moment came he tried desperately to not tense up, but it happened to some extent, anyway. The wave of pleasure that hit him was more intense than any he could remember in recent memory, the best so far with Die. He felt like putty when he'd finally stopped twitching and spurting inside his love, actually falling backwards against the best and the pillows behind him with a sigh, arms thrown out at his side, a blissful smile on his lips.

Die hung onto him, letting out tiny moans when Kaoru started going faster. The moment he felt the other throbbing inside him, it was the hardest thing he'd ever done to not tense up around him and try to milk him dry. Somehow, he managed to get through it, still sitting up in Kaoru's lap when his lover fell back on the bed. For a moment he watched him before he curled up on Kaoru's chest, nuzzling against him gently.

Kaoru panted, laying against the bed and just recovering, stretching his legs out and rubbing Die's back and hair, kissing at him. "I love you so much, baby..." He was still for a long while, basking in how amazing the whole experience had been, still was with Die against him, before his hands started to wander. "I can't leave you like this. Lie back?"

"I love you, too," he murmured softly. Nuzzling him a little again, he blushed faintly. But he shifted off of Kaoru, laying back on the bed, legs slightly spread, his feet on the bed. One hand rubbed over his chest slightly.

Kaoru purred, rolling over and in between Die's legs, kissing his chin and then down his body, settling in between his legs and beginning to eat him out rather enthusiastically, using his fingers and pulling them back out, tasting himself there, wrapping his lips around his lover's cock and losing himself in trying to please the other.

Die laid there, his hand gently on Kaoru's head. Once he was down there, licking at him, he let out a drawn out moan. He shivered slightly, head falling back, a blush on his cheeks. Kaoru's tongue felt amazing, his hips slowly pushing up against his lover's mouth. Soft sighs left him every few moments, his back arching into it. "Kaoru," he murmured softly. 

Kaoru smirked, pushing three fingers into Die, tongue bathing the little cock. "Cum for me, baby. Please?"

The longer Kaoru did it, the more Die allowed himself to clamp down around his fingers, his hips rocking. His moans came faster and louder until he finally exploded in a loud cry of pleasure, his insides pulsing around Kaoru's fingers. Wetness seeped out around his lover's fingers, shudder after shudder going through him.

Kaoru helped Die ride through it, slowly slinking up his body when he was done, brushing his hair over the other's skin, finally sitting over his hips, smiling down at him. "Mm, I'm hungry now. I'm going to go clean up and make a sandwich, do you want one?" He made a cute convincing face, leaning down and kissing Die's neck. "Nine grain bread with Nutella and raspberry jam?"

Die laughed softly, nodding a little at him. "I think I need a shower... I'm sweaty. Gonna make it a fast one though." He leaned up, kissing Kaoru gently on the lips. "But yeah... sandwich and some milk sounds good."

Kaoru smiled, pulling Die up and then grabbing his loose cotton pants, padding into the bathroom and turning on the shower. He gargled some mouth wash and then got under the spray, rinsing off; he could take a real shower tomorrow after his run in the morning, anyway.

Die followed Kaoru in, slipping into the shower and grabbing the soap bar, starting to rub himself down with it rather vigorously and quickly. He just wanted to be fast about the shower. No point in dilly dallying around, after all. He washed his hair really quickly and then stepped out of the shower, drying off quickly. Once he was done, he padded back into the bedroom, pulling on a pair of boxer briefs and then headed out to the kitchen.

Kaoru grinned at him, hugging him around the waist and lifting him up onto the counter, kissing his shoulder. He pushed the plate with the sandwiches over beside Die and took a sip of milk, setting the cup down. He lifted his hand to stroke over Die's arm, taking half of a sandwich in the other and taking a bite, leaning on one sharp hip against the counter.

Die let out a soft "eep" at being lifted onto the counter before he grinned at him. "Ah, my strong lover!" He smirked, reaching to take a piece of his own sandwich, swinging his legs a little.

Kaoru blushed, pinching Die's stomach a little. "It's not that hard, you're my skinny-minny." His hand dropped down to rest on Die's knee, eating quietly, just enjoying his lover's company.

Die squirmed a little and blushed, nibbling on his sandwich half, occasionally reaching over and taking a sip of the milk.

Kaoru finished his sandwich first, taking a drink of milk and then wrapping his arms around Die, just hugging onto him, snuggling up to him. "Mm... I love you, baby."

Die finished his first half and hugged Kaoru back. "Love you, too." Reaching around him, he took the milk and held it, drinking it and making tiny sounds of happiness at each drink.

Kaoru stayed there for a while, just listening to Die's heartbeat, before pulling back and looking up into his face. "So... since you're not working... I have a suggestion for tomorrow. Kyo and I were talking about it, actually. How would you feel about, well, ah, doing drag, essentially?" He shrugged, making a face, not really sure how to ask this without offending Die. "I mean... Kyo has a sort of retro appeal, and I... well, I have a thing for dressing my guys up. But I know it's not that simple for you. I could make you look so good, though, and then it would be like a total jab if he used the photos with anything, and it would look like a woman when really it's a man." A little smirk crossed his mouth. "What do you think?"

Die blinked, tilting his head at Kaoru, his sandwich stuck in his mouth while he thought it over. After a moment, he bit off the part in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. He grinned. "I think that would be an awesome jab at his management."

Kaoru growled pleasantly, rubbing up and down Die's legs. "Good, because I would _kill_ to see these babies in stilettos and a short skirt." He winked and kissed Die's chin, backing up and checking the puppy's food and water bowls, putting more water in one of them.

Die let out a soft laugh, finishing off his sandwich and then the milk. "Mmm... I'll surrender myself to whatever you want to do.”

Kaoru chuckled, taking the cup and plate and rinsing them off, putting them in the dishwasher for later. "Mm, good. I will make you a gorgeous pin-up styled sex kitten. But all that's tomorrow." He slid up between Die's legs and lifted him off the counter. "What do we do for the rest of the night?" It wasn't particularly late yet and he was certainly feeling energetic now.

Die leaned toward Kaoru, nipping lightly on his jaw. "Mmm... I think we owe Kyo something nice for all of that," he murmured. "What do you think he'd want?"

Kaoru turned his head to meet Die's mouth with his own. "You mean other than a blowjob?" he teased. "He doesn't seem like the gift type, more the ‘showing appreciation’ type. Maybe after photos and such, we could take him to a nice dinner?"

Die laughed. "Yeah, dinner sounds like a good plan." The blowjob sounded very nice as well, but he wasn't about to just announce that to Kaoru.

Kaoru rested his head against Die's shoulder, arms around him. "You know... I used to not tell you I loved you more than anything because it wasn't true. At first, I still loved my art more than you, and I thought I'd always love my family more, that they would always be top priority, but..." he squeezed his lover a little harder. "I love you more than anything..."

Die felt his heart swell at that. He gave Kaoru a brilliant smile. "I love you, too," he murmured, brushing his lips over Kaoru's. Honestly, Die had very little and what he did have had all been in this house very recently.

Kissing him back, Kaoru smiled, pulling away and pushing his fingers through Die's hair. "So? What are our plans for the rest of the evening?"

Die shrugged a little. "Watch a movie or something?"

Kaoru nodded, going around the counter, holding onto Die's hand, and into their bedroom. The puppy trotted out of the guest room, bored now that Kyo had fallen asleep and stopped petting him, and slipped in the door before Kaoru closed it, sitting down and looking up at them. Kaoru blew a kiss at him and grabbed his laptop off his dresser, sitting down and opening it, pulling up Netflix for Die to pick a movie from.

Die moved along with Kaoru, though he stopped to pick up the puppy and take him up onto the bed. Settling down, he put the pup in his lap and then started scrolling through the movies. "Stop me if you see something interesting."

Kaoru got up on the bed with them, rubbing Makoto's velvety ears, shrugging and just letting Die pick whatever he wanted. So long as he was lounging with his lover, he didn't really care what they watched.

Die hovered over Survival of the Dead. "Yeah or no?"

"Ummm," Kaoru laughed a little. "I'll end up watching most of it in your armpit, but, okay, if that's what you want." He smirked and settled against Die's shoulder, the pup already laid down in Die's lap with his head pressed into the redhead's stomach.

"It's mostly just comedy, baby." He clicked on it, hoping this wouldn't turn into a disaster.

Kaoru just shrugged, laying down and preparing himself for gore, whether it was overly fake or not.

Die kept petting the dog the entire time they watched the movie, his hand moving almost absently over the little pup.

Makoto flopped around every time Kaoru squealed and slapped his hands over his eyes at gore or anything particularly jumpy, but after a while, he got used to it, lulled by Die's hand and falling asleep on him. 

Kaoru laughed at himself, face pressing into Die's side. "God, I am such a wimp!"

Die sat there grinning like an idiot. Something about Kaoru freaking out over movies as obviously fake as this was amusing as all hell. He chuckled. "Can't argue there, baby."

Kaoru feigned a hurt look, batting Die's chest. "Hey! You're not supposed to agree!" He laughed, kissing Die's shoulder. "Good thing I have my big strong man, right?"

Die stuck his tongue out and then laughed, nodding. "Mmhmm... here to protect you from the big scary zombies!"

"Hnn, my hero." When the movie was finished, Kaoru pushed the laptop closed, getting up and setting it back on top of his dresser. He crawled onto the bed and petted Makoto, wondering if they should just let him sleep with them in the bed tonight; he looked terribly comfortable where he was in Die's lap.

The redhead grinned down at the puppy when Kaoru reached to pet it. He did look quite happy where he was and Die found his mind wandering to the same thoughts as Kaoru's. "Should we let him stay?"

Kaoru rubbed the soft little nose. "Sure. He's too cute to deny. My only concern is that he'll wake up and try to jump off the bed, and it's pretty high for him. So I guess we should sleep with him in between us?"

"I think he should be okay. I mean neither of us sleep, like, stupidly hard. If the dog walks on us, we'll know." He shifted a little and gently placed the pup down on the bed, sliding down into the sheets and curling up around the puppy.

Kaoru got under the covers on his side, scooting across the bed and cupping around the other side of the little dog, one hand on Die's hip. He rolled back and turned off his bedside lamp before adjusting himself back, getting comfortable, leaning in the dark to kiss Die. "Mm... night, pumpkin."

Die smiled softly. "Night night, baby." He yawned a little and snuggled down into the mattress, closing his eyes. It wasn't even ten minutes before he was completely dead to the world.

**To Be Continued…**


	43. Chapter 42

Kaoru dragged one of bar stools into the bathroom, Kyo pulling one of the dining room chairs to the door, a grin that seemed maybe a little too excited on his face. The caboodle of drag things - makeup, fake lashes, tape, glue sticks, etc. - looked ready to pour out onto the counter. Kaoru had already had Die wash and moisturize his face and put on a wig cap to tuck back his hair, but now the real fun began. He patted the seat of the stool, smirking. "Ready honey?"

Kyo clapped from behind them. "You're gonna be such a fox!"

Die arched an eyebrow at Kyo, but settled himself on the stool all the same. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd agreed to this other than the fact that he thought it'd be amazing to fuck with Kyo's promoters. He yawned and then settled down completely. "Let's hope I look like a fox and not something terrible." It wasn't a dig at Kaoru’s talents; it was more directed toward himself.

Kaoru put a hand under Die's chin, kissing him. "Oh, baby, you are gonna be a knock-out." He looked Die over, trying to decide where to start. Die's eyebrows were naturally very thin and he'd shaved that morning, so he didn't have to worry about that. Digging through his box, he held up foundations to Die's face until he found the right match, starting to blot on a thick coating of it.

Kyo snickered from the doorway. "Remember Kaoru, we're going for real woman, not drag queen."

Kaoru glared. "This is kind of the world's weirdest double-sided coin, alright? I promise he won’t look like a tranny hooker."

Die couldn't help but laugh. "A girl who thinks she's a boy who is getting surgery to be a boy who is dressing like a girl. Messed up shit right there."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, pushing at Die's chest. "I'm gonna have to pull your tits outta my ass, you've got nothin' to work with, tiger." He took out a brush and started to smooth the foundation over Die's face, working it down his neck and onto his chest, just enough to make things smooth for the black shirt dress he was putting Die in. Kyo sat backwards in his chair, arms crossed over the back of it, watching in fascination as Kaoru started to contour Die's face to temporarily reverse the things the hormones had changed, making his cheekbones more exaggerated and highlighting the sides of his nose to make it appear a little smaller and more feminine, softening out Die's face and using concealer to brighten up around his eyes, making them seem larger.

Die had a hard time sitting still, squirming in his seat every few seconds. Finally he had to close his eyes and try thinking of absolutely nothing in order to stay still, his body relaxing a little and giving Kaoru more of a chance of getting things right.

The first ten minutes of Kaoru making the base was spent in intense silence as he worked, Kyo finally getting up and going to retrieve the iPod dock from the kitchen, putting himself on and sitting back down, both he and Kaoru singing softly along with it. At the squirming, Kaoru raised a brow. "You're going to kill me trying to do your eyes, aren't you?"

Die whined softly. "I'm sorry. I just wasn't a makeup-wearing kind of girl. The most I ever did was my own eyeliner." He pouted a little.

Kaoru gave a little growl. "When you said you had makeup when you were living as a woman, I thought you meant more than the basics." He patted Die down with powder, then brushed it lightly to make it soft, leaving a lot under his eyes for fallout. Digging through his box, he found a dark champagne and had Die close his eyes again, brushing it over the whole lid. He then took a lighter gold and put it in the corners, blending it out towards the lids, and worked black into the crease. He took his time, blending each color perfectly so that even though it was a lot of makeup, it looked somehow natural.

"I didn't mean I had a freaking collection. I had some lipstick and some eyeliner. I think I tried to put on the eye shadow I owned like four times. It bugged the shit out of me and looked hideous."

Kaoru blew on his brush, dusting some shimmer just under Die's brows, which he then filled in lightly with powder, making them more arched. "Well... if you'd looked like this while you were living as a woman, you might not have minded staying that way," he joked, finishing up the powder on Die's eyes and very carefully putting liquid liner on the top before getting Die to open his eyes so that he could line the bottom. When he was finished, he brushed away the loose powder and touched up his lover's foundation, then applied bronzer and blush. He saw Kyo trying to sneak a peek and turned Die's stool a little more so that he couldn't see, pulling out some lip balm and rubbing a little into Die's lips, then applying a dark crimson stain, letting it sit for a moment before topping it with a red gloss, not wanting Die to have over-drawn lips.

Stepping back, he looked Die over, making touch ups. When he was satisfied, he took the wig he'd selected, which sat on its head on the counter, and pulled it carefully over the cap, taking a pick and fixing the flowing, long, black curls with a side part. He smirked, feeling rather proud of his work. "Ta da! Now all I have to do is fake your boobs back on you and dress you. Take a look."

Die tried hard not to fuss through the entire process, finally breathing out a sigh of relief once they were done. He stood up, scrunching his nose for a minute before moving to the mirror and looking at himself. Surprise ghosted over his features. He actually was pretty good looking as a woman, though it felt very weird. Just like the night he'd dressed for Kaoru all that time ago had felt odd.

Kyo got up and leaned to look, jaw dropping. "Holy fucking shit!" He started to laugh, putting his hands over his mouth. "You look so pretty!" 

Kaoru put his hands on his hips, brow cocked. "Sit back down, lemme see what I can do about giving you a chest."

Die blushed a little, though he settled right back down in the chair like he was instructed to. "I still have that bra you bought me."

Kaoru smiled a little, but shook his head. "It covers too much, we need something plunging." He pulled out the duct tape from his box and pulled off two lengths of it. "This is really uncomfortable, I'm sorry." He pushed at Die's chest, cupping his hand along the faint scar and pushing up and in, then rolling his hand to run the piece of duct tape from Die's armpit across to the bottom of his sternum, repeating the process on the other side and then enhancing the slight cleavage he'd created with powder, putting a black bra on Die last and putting the silicon inserts he used for Yuuko into the cups, adjusting them.

Die made a terrible face at being taped up. "Holy fuck!" he announced, eyes wide. "How on earth do you stand this?!"

"Beauty is pain, baby." He took the dress from where it hung over the top edge of the shower door, unbuttoning it and then getting Die to stand, slipping it on him and buttoning it back up, tightening the belt and adjusting it so that it fit his slim waist, the skirt ghosting over the very tops of his thighs. He smiled, pleased with his work. "Now... accessories and maybe a few touch-ups, and you'll be done."

Die peered down at the dress once it was mostly on, his head tilted a little. "It's short!" he supplied with a kind of amused hint to his voice.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, smiling. "It's short on me and you're taller, baby." He went into the guest room and pulled some things out of his accessories bag, bringing back some black lace panties, black lace fingerless gloves, and a long black pearl necklace. "Here, put these on, then I'll put some fake nails on you."

Die reached for the items and then shrugged, putting them down and starting to pull off his pants. He tossed the jeans and underwear into the corner before he pulled on the black lace panties, adjusting them carefully. Then he looped the pearls twice, pulling the top bit tight around his neck and leaving the other part dangling down. And last came the lace gloves, gently pulled over his fingers and up over his hands. He settled back down on the stool, waiting on Kaoru.

His lover took a strip of nail sticks and found French manicures, putting them on Die's hands. "I'll go set the lights."

Kyo nodded, going to change into a pair of dress slacks, a white t-shirt, black suit jacket, and fedora, brushing out his hair.

Die watched Kaoru put his nails on, examining them. There'd been once he'd done a French manicure on his fingernails back in High school, but not recently. He started to lick his lips, but stopped before he did, making a face as he wandered out of the bathroom, hanging around in the kitchen.

Kaoru was taking shots already, testing his lighting. "Alright, Die, your feet in Kyo's lap, Kyo, all the way to one side of the couch." 

The blonde nodded, sitting by one arm on the far left of Kaoru's frame.

Die came into the room when Kaoru called to him, telling him where to go. He came in and settled down on the opposite end of the couch, gently putting his feet in Kyo's lap, trying to act more like the woman he once was.

Kaoru got behind his camera on its tripod, Kyo immediately assuming the role he wanted from him. "Baby, you _look_ amazing, like, seriously, most beautiful woman on the planet right now, now _project_ that." 

Kyo smirked, rubbing a hand up one of Die's shins.

Die took in a deep breath and the closed his eyes, sinking into the role of Kyo's courtesan, something he found fitting to the photo. A certain fire and sexuality sprung up in his eyes, a look of pure sensuality on his face. His entire body radiated emotion. 

Kaoru bit his lip in a smile, thinking _that's my baby_ , snapping photos, directing Die more and more towards being all but on top of Kyo.

The closer he got to Kyo, the more sexual he felt. There was a certain pride he had in the fact that they were pissing off Kyo's management like this and he kind of hoped they found out one day and flipped shit about it.

Kaoru directed Kyo around a little, telling him to appear more apathetic and in control. 

The blonde blushed slightly. "Kinda hard to do with your future husband in my lap, man." He offered a weak smile at Die.

Kaoru laughed. "Future husband, huh? I think that's kinda up to Die." He shook his head and started snapping shots again. 

Die peered up at Kyo for a long moment, thinking hard at him. _Just pretend I'm yours for a few minutes._ And then his eyes were back on the camera as he shifted, settling on Kyo's leg, neatly crossing his own at the ankles. He leaned into Kyo and tried his best to think like he was some fancy high-society woman.

Kyo draped one arm over Die's middle, bringing his other hand up to his mouth, biting his thumb. 

Kaoru had Die look off camera before he started getting rather excited, getting the sots he wanted.

Die focused his gaze on the far wall, the look sultry but relaxed.

After moving a few lights and adjusting Die's hair a few times, Kaoru seemed satisfied, thanking both of them and shutting off the two studio lights to cool down.

Die shifted a little in Kyo's lap, leaning in to hug him. "This is gonna be so damn funny when management gets a hold of it, isn't it?"

Kyo made a face. "Er, it's definitely going to be an inside joke for at least a while. Something I can point at later and go, ‘That's a man.’ I'd honestly probably get dropped if I brought this to the table with all the realities of the photo explained."

Kaoru set his camera down, frowning. "Seriously? They're that fucking hardcore about it? Shit, you can _bank_ off being an openly gay artist these days."

"Not in Japan, man. Not unless you want to be a gimmick, and I'm not your average entertaining fairy, so it wouldn't fly."

Die screwed up his nose, still not moving off Kyo's lap, just studying him. "Wow... that's really harsh. Well, you can bet that I'll never tell anyone, okay?" He gently pecked Kyo on the cheek before removing himself from his lap, offering a hand up with a soft smile.

Kyo nodded, taking the hand and then almost glaring up at Die. "Dammit, you were tall enough to begin with!" He looked at Kaoru. "Did you have to put him in fuckin' five inch heels?!"

Die laughed softly. "Hey, not my fault." He nudged Kyo. "I could put them on you, you know."

Kyo pat Die's arm, rolling his eyes. "I'd rather not break my neck, thanks." He went off into the guest room to change back into something comfortable and throw his hair into a ponytail.

Kaoru walked up to Die, looking up at him with a smirk. "I like you super tall like that." He put his hands on Die's hips and winked. "You know, you really are absolutely beautiful."

Die peered at Kaoru, blushing a bit. "I'm surprised I can walk in these things, to be honest with you." He bit his lip a little when he was called beautiful. Especially as a girl, he didn't see it. He thought he was just average looking when he was a guy, but as a girl, he saw something terrible usually.

Kaoru slipped his arms more around Die's waist, tilting his head back to look up at him. "There's a graceful lady in there somewhere, under all the boy. I think there are some things you'll always keep, just because it's in your DNA, ya know?" He kissed Die's arm just under the short sleeve of the dress. "I suppose it would be too much to ask that you stay dressed up for dinner?"

Kyo poked his head out of the guest room, holding a pair of sweat pants and all but naked. "Shit, right, dinner. Are we doing that now?" Kaoru shrugged, looking at Die.

Die blushed a bit. "Um... yeah... I can do that." He wasn't so sure how ladylike he was going to end up being, but he was sure someone would remind him to close his legs if he forgot... or they'd just enjoy the view. Whatever, it was up to them if he forgot.

"Yeah, we owe you a very nice dinner after last night," he murmured.

Kaoru looked shocked for a minute, but didn't give Die a chance to argue, going off to change into something nice. Kyo huffed and put back on the pants he'd worn for the photos and a dark green button down shirt, rolling the sleeves up to his elbows and pulling his ponytail tighter. He pulled on some socks and grabbed a pair of boots to put on at the door, Kaoru appearing a moment later with his hair up in a tight bun, wearing pinstripe dress slacks, a red v-neck t-shirt, and a black velvet suit jacket, the watch Die had given him on his wrist. He grabbed his credit card and car keys, carrying a pair of loafers to the porch and slipping them on. "I have friends at La Lune who can get us a table. Kyo, do you like French food?"

The blonde's eyes looked like they had glazed over as he stopped midway through tying his bootlaces. "Yes. Oh god. Aaah, yes. French food."

Die managed to make it out to the porch somehow, standing at the top of the steps staring at them. There was no way in hell he was going down those stairs not attached to someone, so he waited. "Oh wow... really? La Lune?" He grinned. "Awesome!"

Kaoru tucked his arm tightly around Die's waist and started helping him down the stairs, telling him to be careful the spike heels didn't sink into the grass and throw him off balance, leading him to the car and opening the back door after debating that Kyo should probably sit up front since they were taking him to dinner. "Yep. I haven't been in a while and Casey wants me to do her wedding photos for cheap, so, she squeezed us onto the reservations list."

Kyo finished tying his boots and followed them down, getting into the front seat and buckling up, folding his hands in his lap. "I'll try not to be a snob; I was practically a Parisian at one point. I'm picky about French food." He snickered, sliding into the car and then turning in his seat so he could see both of them.

Die wobbled his way across the yard, doing much better once he hit pavement again. He slipped into the backseat with a bit of trouble, the short dress even shorter while he got in. He laughed quietly. "This dress is not exactly modest." Once he was in and buckled up, he waited on Kyo to get in, smiling when he did.

He smirked at Kyo. "Yeah well... best thing we have to offer in the way of French food, just go with that angle if you have to." He laughed.

Kyo shrugged. "If it's even close, I might cry with joy."

At the comment to the immodesty of Die's dress, Kaoru reached his hand back, stroking one smooth thigh. "Good. I want every married man in there wishing their wife was you, and jealous as fuck that you're mine."

Die laughed rather loudly at Kaoru's comment. "Ah... sweetie... we'll be lucky if anyone so much as glances at me." He ducked his head a little, biting his lip.

Two sets of brown eyes all but glared at Die. Kyo gave him a look like he was crazy. "I know it's probably uncomfortable being dressed like a woman, but I promise you look... like a total knock-out. Seriously. And classy as hell." He turned to Kaoru. "Is that Diane von Furstenburg?"

Kaoru was glad he was at a stop sign because his head snapped to look at Kyo, shocked. "...Why yes. It is."

The singer laughed. "Come on. I work in music, I'm gay, and my agent is a corporate female. Of _course_ I recognize labels."

Die almost shrunk back against the seat, blushing something awful. "I... but... I..." he just sighed and shut his mouth, swallowing back any further argument he had. Pointless to argue with probably the two most biased people on earth when it came to him. He blinked at their discussion, only realizing it was about his clothing when Kyo said he knew labels. Somehow he felt entirely out of the loop. "Why is it the only person in this car with a vagina has no idea what you two are talking about?"

Both of them chuckled, Kaoru patting Die's leg before continuing to drive. "Don't worry about it, darling, just take care of Mommy's dress."

Die gave a little nod. "Yeah... I won't hurt it... or at least I won't intentionally hurt it." He pulled a face after a moment. "This means I have to pee in the girl's room, huh?"

Kaoru pulled up to a stop light, reaching back to try and grab Die's hand, Kyo frowning at him. "Do you want me to turn around so you can change?"

He shook his head. "No! I didn't mean it like that." He gave a slight sniff of nervousness before sighing. "I was just pointing it out, that's all." In all honesty, he hadn't meant to sound like he was bitching about it, he was just making an observation that probably sounded a little less thrilled than he'd intended for it to.

Kaoru's eyes flicked up to him in the rear view. "Alright... I just don't want you to be doing something you're not really comfortable with."

Die shook his head a little. He wanted to do this for Kaoru and what little discomfort it would cause was well worth whatever kick it would give Kaoru, in his opinion. "I'm fine."

Kaoru gave a little nod, heading across town. La Lune was a slender three-story restaurant that had once been a small boarding house, nestled at the back of the financial district. It was decorated as though it were an outdoor garden party at Versailles, with an extensive menu and relaxed atmosphere. It was at once snooty, seventeenth century France, and modern, young Paris. Kyo watched the city go by, still not jaded by having been all over the world. When Kaoru pulled up in front of the restaurant and valet stepped forward, opening Die's door first. Kaoru and Kyo stepped out on their own and Kaoru handed the valet his key, taking the ticket and stuffing it into his pocket, offering Die his arm.

Die blushed a bit, slipping one slender leg out and then the other, carefully using the car to get out so he didn't flash anyone. He smoothed the dress over his rear-end and then took Kaoru's arm, trying very hard to remember to walk like a lady rather than alter it how he usually did these days.

Kaoru placed a little kiss in front of Die's ear, going into the restaurant as the door was opened for them by the other valet, Kyo tucking his hands into his pocket, following behind. A tall, slim woman with auburn hair stood at the hostess desk, smiling brightly at Kaoru. "Hey, you." She looked down at the lists on her lectern. "It'll probably be a little bit before a table opens up, we got a little slammed about an hour ago and people are still clearing out. If you want to sit at the bar, I'll grab you as soon as one opens up?" 

Kaoru nodded, letting her lead them up to the bar on the second floor, hanging onto Die to help him up the stairs in the heels, sitting down on a bar stool, Kyo on the other side of Die. 

Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs and then onto the bar stool without causing any flashing incidents. He immediately took the opportunity that they were at the bar to order a pomegranate martini, something he figured a classy girl would order. He didn't get carded, the bar tender just gave him the drink in exchange for the cash.

Once Casey went back off to the hostess desk, Kaoru ordered bourbon on the rocks, Kyo asking for a gin gimlet. He looked around the place once the drink was in his hand, sniffing the air. "It smells pretty authentic." He tried to eye plates at the tables closest to them, his stomach growling.

Kaoru smiled, putting his arm around the back of Die's chair, hand on his shoulder, thumb rubbing. "Good. I've never been to Paris; it's my dream to go, so I hope this place doesn't disappoint you. It's the closest I've got to the real thing."

Die listened to them, sipping on his martini, which was actually pretty damn good. He smiled softly over at Kyo and then at Kaoru. "It does smell good in here," he offered quietly.

Kaoru smiled back, touching the long, dark hair. The wig was synthetic and high quality, and something about it changed Die completely. "I can't get over how amazing you look." 

Kyo chuckled a little, hearing that, nodding as he sipped his drink. "You're not the only one." He tapped his temple and winked, indicating that it was rather clear there were several others in the room that couldn't seem to stop staring at Die. "It's those legs, man. They just go on for miles."

Die blushed deeply when they both supplied that people couldn't stop staring at him. Biting his lower lip a tiny bit, he murmured, "I didn't think anyone would look unless I sat with my legs all spread apart or something." He let out a tiny laugh, looking a bit embarrassed.

Kaoru rubbed his shoulder again, and Kyo leaned to lay a hand on Die's wrist. "You obviously underestimate how gorgeous you are." He said it rather simply, winking and then leaning back in his bar stool again, swirling ice around in his glass.

He tried to hide the rest of his embarrassment in the martini glass, finishing it off and putting it back on the bar. "I guess so."

Kaoru finished his drink, looking at the wine list for when they finally got a table. No sooner had he selected some options to suggest, Casey touched his arm, holding three menus in her hand, and led them up to the third floor and to a small table at a window. He thanked her and sat down, hugging her back when she leaned to tell him it was good seeing him again and to not be a stranger. Kyo opened the menu, looking like he was about to drool on himself.

Die smiled at the woman, following along with the others and looking a little less wobbly on his heels amazingly. Something about one drink gave him the confidence he didn't have before that. He settled down at the table and crossed his legs neatly at the knee, relaxing.

Kaoru dropped his hand under the table, resting it on the knee of Die's top leg, flipping open the menu. "Kyo, why don't you order for me? You're more experienced on what goes best with what, and what dishes are more authentic." The singer nodded, pouring over the menu.

Die peered over the menu, finally shrugging and murmuring, "Would you mind for me, too?" toward Kyo.

The blonde shrugged, humming to himself, trying to pick out what he thought they would both like best. A waitress came up and greeted them, bringing a basket of bread with tangerine butter, asking what they'd like to drink. Kaoru looked at both of them. "Either of you object to a Cabernet?"

Die shrugged. "I'm good with whatever," he replied, trying to keep his voice back at its normal pitch, what he'd sounded like as a woman.

Kyo blinked, then nodded. "Sure, that's fine." 

Kaoru opened the wine list and pointed out one of the wines he'd been eying. The waitress smiled, writing it down. She asked if they already knew of an appetizer they'd like to try. 

Kyo sucked at his teeth for a moment. "Ah, the crudités? And, hmm... tartes a las Epoisses et aux pommes." The French words rolled off his tongue flawlessly, a slight Japanese accent to them, but otherwise almost native sounding. 

Kaoru looked at him, rather astonished, having very little idea what in the hell Kyo had just ordered.

Die listened to Kyo, biting his lip. Personally, he thought Kyo speaking French was very sexy. Shifting a little bit, he rubbed over his thighs, blushing slightly.

Kyo flipped through the menu more, trying to decide for the three of them. "Ooooh, this is hard. I think I know what to order you both, though." He smiled a little and picked up the water glass, sipping at it. 

Kaoru lifted his hand as Die rubbed over his thighs, placing it over one of them and squeezing his fingers. Something about his lover presented as a woman made him even more possessive and protective, but also even more admiring of how lucky he was to have found someone so perfect for him that just happened to be drop-dead-gorgeous. Kyo's eyes flicked to them, noticing Kaoru holding Die's hand. He held out one of his hands, showing them a ring he wore on one finger made up of two interlocking gold bands. "Maybe I should let you two wear these? Maybe it will make it look a little more natural. And dash any ideas that Die might be a call girl." He laughed a little, winking at his friend.

Die had to laugh softly at Kyo's comment. He leaned forward a little. "Really? I could actually be mistaken for a call girl?" Somehow that made him realize just how he might actually look to other people.

Kyo gave an easy shrug at how Kaoru looked slightly peeved that he'd just insinuated that Die looked like a hooker. "It's more the way men think. You're an attractive woman in expensive clothes that are slightly provocative, sitting with two men, not really favoring one or the other, seating wise. Men would look at you and try to find some legitimate explanation for why you're here with us that would make you hypothetically available to them. So either we're together," he gestured towards Kaoru, "or we're Yakuza and you're our call girl." He gave a lopsided grin, Kaoru offering a short laugh at the Yakuza bit.

Die ended up laughing softly. "Somehow I feel flattered that anyone would mistake me for a call girl." He leaned over a little, nudging Kaoru. "Mmmm..." his eyes glittered as he leaned in close, murmuring in his ear, "I _could_ be the call girl and you guys be the Yakuza."

Kaoru did not look enthused. "I'm good, thanks. I've actually been pulled aside at the airport when I go to the Japan because of my tattoos."

Kyo laughed, leaning back in his chair. "Me, too, usually."

Die sat back where he'd been before. Well... so much for role-play then. He made a little face. "Would they pull me aside for this?" he asked, showing the tattoo on his hand, trying to push his slight dejection away.

Kaoru shook his head. "Doubtful. Tattooing is getting more accepted, especially just having one or two small ones, but having sleeves is still pretty much marked as ‘gangster.’ I always get an extra pat-down and occasionally, especially if it's hot and I'm dressed in short sleeves and jeans, some people will cross the street when they see me."

Kyo laughed again. "I think it's funny. Let them think what they want."

Die nodded a little. "Wow... that's kinda..." he shook his head, at a loss for words on what exactly it was.

Kaoru shrugged. "It sucks sometimes, but, tattooing has a history of being exclusive to gangs in Japan, and it was used to mark criminals, so... culturally, it's really rooted to being labeled as a criminal. Even Westerners are sometimes assumed to be gang-bangers or drug dealers or whatnot if they have a lot of tattoos."

Die arched an eyebrow, glancing up when the waitress came back with the wine and three glasses, uncorking it and giving some to each of them to sample to make sure they liked it.

Kaoru took a sip, rolling it on his tongue, watching Kyo, since he was the one they were treating. The blonde sniffed at the glass and swirled the wine around the bell, then took a little sip, tasting for a moment, then giving a nod. The glasses were poured and the bottle left, Kyo reached for a piece of bread and swiping up some of the tangerine butter with it. "Oh..." He muddy brown eyes slipped shut. "Oh, this is fantastic."

Die took a sip of his wine, liking the taste and putting the glass back on the table to wait for the actual glass of it to be poured. He watched Kyo take some bread and butter, smirking at him. Taking his word on it, he reached for some bread as well, getting some butter on it and tasting it. "Mmm... it is good!"

Kaoru pulled off a piece of bread, as well, chewing it slowly, washing it down with the wine. He leaned back in his chair, watching Kyo fondle the end of his ponytail for a moment and realizing the young singer was already a bit buzzed from the drink at the bar. He smirked, thinking this might end up being rather amusing. "So when does this whole US tour business start?"

Kyo started a little, having been off in thought. "Hmm? Oh, ah, late September, I think? It isn't finalized or anything yet. Maybe first week of October."

Kaoru nodded. "Have you ever met any of Jonni Savv before?"

The blonde shook his head. "No, I really like them, though. They're... weird. And their singer is really interesting and kind of straight-up nuts."

Die sat back, listening to them, chewing on his slice of bread while he listened. He'd never even heard of Jonni Savv before, so he couldn't really comment, though he made a mental note to see what they were talking about.

Kaoru eyed Kyo a little, seeming to sense something else he'd wanted to add about his impressions thus far of the band he was going to be opening for, but he quieted when the waitress reappeared, placing the marinated raw vegetables on the table, smelling strongly of lemon oil, and the cheese and apple tarts beside it. 

Kyo straightened up and smiled at her, nodding when asked if they were ready to order. "The lady will have the daube provençal, not too crazy with the lardons, my friend here will have the cassoulet, both of them will share a tomato salad. I'd like the onglet gascon, rare, with the pomme frites and roasted carrots, please." The waitress jotted everything down quickly, giving them a nod and heading off to give the order to the kitchen.

Die sat there watching Kyo order for them, having absolutely no freaking idea what he was ordering. He understood something about carrots, tomato salad, and something he assumed to possibly be fries, but that was it. He would have to literally guess at what on earth he was given when their order arrived. On the other hand, he peered at the veggies and the tarts, picking up a tart to try.

Kyo picked up a julienned carrot, taking a bite. "Mmm... Kaoru, this is perfect, thank you." He gave a thumbs up, covering his mouth to chew as he popped the rest of the carrot into his mouth. He put his napkin over his lap and took another sip of wine. "So... since this is thanking me for last night... let's discuss it?" He was curious if either of them had had any realizations, or if they'd felt particularly closer afterwards. 

Kaoru shifted around in his chair, leaning with one elbow against the table, chewing a tart. There was a weird smile on his face, and he pointedly stayed quiet to see what Die would say first.

"By the time we got to the sex, it was such a relief that it made it easier not to be carried away, because anything felt amazing." Die blushed, ducking his head, hoping he hadn't said something wrong.

Kaoru sort of smiled, shaking his head. 

Kyo prompted Die to continue. "What about emotionally, were there any surprises? Did you... I don't know, did you have any sort of like... mental flash?" He thought for a moment, feeling that was vague. "I've heard sometimes couples will realize things they knew before, like how important their partner is or how much they depend on them, but the reality of that feeling will suddenly become clear."

Die shifted how he was sitting. "I..." he glanced at Kaoru and then put his tart down on his little plate, heaving a soft sigh. "If I have to define anything, I guess I felt closer, but I honestly think it had a lot to do with wanting so badly to give Kaoru what he desires the most from our unions. Does that make sense?" He felt terrible for voicing it, like he was going to ruin what Kaoru had constructed in his head or something. He picked up his tart again and took another bite, swallowing it down.   
Kyo's eyes cut to Kaoru for a moment. 

The older man seemed slightly disappointed, but like he hadn't gotten his hopes up too much. Mostly, he felt like he was glad he'd gotten Die to talk first, so he wouldn't look like such a dumbass if he'd gushed first and then Die had said his piece. With a little shrug, he leaned back with his wine glass. "I felt... so close to you. Like all I needed was you. Like... the nice idea I've had about spending the rest of my life with you wasn't just a dream, but a real possibility, and it was both kind of scary, and really, really good." He bit the inside of his lip, his cheeks burning a bit.

Die beamed at him, reaching over and holding his hand tight. "Good. Then what I wanted out of it happened, right?" He really hoped so, gently rubbing his thumb over the other man's hand.

Kaoru gave a weak smile, looking at Die's hand on his own, feeling like a shit for always doubting, trying to shove it all away. Die loved him. If that love only lasted a few years, only ran so deep, at least it would be good for that long, right? "Yeah."

On some level, Die could sense that he'd said the wrong things. He just didn't know how much damage he'd caused. Hadn't it been enough that he had enjoyed it and Kaoru had gotten the closeness he desired in a manner Die could at least manage? He sighed softly, picking up his wine glass and as discreetly as possible, he quickly managed to consume half of it.

Kaoru lifted his hand and ghosted his thumb down Die's jaw for a moment before dropping his hand again, picking up a piece of leek. 

Kyo's brows kissed over the bridge of his nose. He felt like he'd just brought up a subject he should have known not to mention, like forgetting a relative had died and asking how they were doing. He tried to cover, searching for a subject. "Die, are you already planning anymore surgeries, or are you kind of taking a break for right now?"

Die was almost through the other half by the time Kyo brought up another subject. He took the last swallow and put his glass off to the side, hoping he could fill it again in a few minutes without looking suspicious. "Mmm... I have to stop until I have more money. Kinda... tapped out financially for a while." He shrugged a bit. "It's okay, the rest of the surgeries are kind of... terrifying."

Kaoru refilled Die's glass, having expected such an answer. 

Kyo nodded. "I've done some reading up since I met you, and some people stop where you're at, anyway. It's too risky and intense and expensive, and so long as they can pass for male in public, they feel comfortable." He gave a little shrug. "Maybe waiting will also get you more comfortable with the way you are now?"

Die blushed a little and nodded. "Yeah... I've read a lot of stuff online about it, too. It kind of seems like as long as the person is with someone who doesn't mind the way they are, they just kind of don't usually bother going on to the part that's freaking scary as hell." He lifted his newly filled glass to his lips, taking a sip. "So many ways to fuck it all up, really."

Kyo gave sort of a sad smile, nodding. He reached out and took a tart, savoring it, trying not to be obnoxious with it. "Fuck. Oh fuck. I have to go back to France. Oh this is so good."

Kaoru snickered quietly, eating a slice of red bell pepper and another piece of bread. He sipped his wine and then picked up a piece of carrot, trying to seem playful as he held it out to Die, one eyebrow hiked.

Die worked his way through another half a glass of wine before Kaoru held out the carrot. He was looking more and more alcoholic by the moment and he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself. He leaned over and took the carrot from Kaoru before reaching for another piece of bread.

Kyo watched them, not missing how quickly Die was drinking. _Are you thirsty, or are you intentionally trying to get fucked up?_ He tried to be as discreet as possible and give Die a little concerned look.

The moment Kyo's voice reached his head, Die blushed, ducking his head. _Let's just say I'm a little stressed out over how I think Kaoru took my answers._ He lifted the bread to his lips, taking a bite.

Kaoru munched at another carrot, oblivious, watching a flock of pigeons settle into some trees across the street from the window they sat by. 

Kyo held back the tiny sigh that wanted to escape. _Sometimes, I think he needs his worth beat into his head. He's paranoid and got stuck in a shitty relationship with someone that didn't really love him back. He's got a lot of baggage._

 _Yeah... I know... but I just want to make him happy._ He took another bite of bread and then reached for a piece of veggie, adding it on top of his bread and taking the next bite.

 _He is happy. He's just always nervous that he isn't making you feel the same way._

Kaoru had turned his attention back on Die, trying the appetizer like his lover had, opening up a little piece of bread and putting a leek in it, popping it into his mouth. 

Kyo cleared his throat a bit. "So, Kaoru, why haven't you been to Paris?"

Kaoru blinked, looking up. "Hmm? Oh, um... money, really. Most of my trips I do because they're work related and are paid for to some extent. But the only stuff out of the States I ever do is Japan and sometimes Canada." He shrugged a little. "That and I really don't know French at all. I took some in high school, but it's all pretty useless now."

Kyo chuckled. "I didn't know any French when I left Japan. I mean, it helps to be a mind reader, but there's just... something about the way the French talk, especially Parisians, they just kinda... I dunno. You get what they mean. And there's a good amount of English cognates."

 _Maybe try telling him things like you told me? The things I think when I'm looking at him, when I'm in the middle of sex with him... all of it. Maybe if he knows you heard it, it'll help?_ Or maybe Die was grasping at straws, but it had put his mind at ease and he kind of hoped it could provide the same things to Kaoru. He picked up his wine glass again, taking another drink from it before putting it back down.

Kaoru was having mixed feelings about what Kyo had said, looking around the restaurant and wondering if he'd ever get to Paris, and also entranced by the idea of it. 

Kyo took the opportunity to continue his mental conversation with Die, a task which was a bit like juggling. _I could try... but I think it's something he has to hear from you. Maybe if you made a point to kind of... think out loud more? Do silly little things for him, like cut his sandwiches into hearts or something, I dunno. Just... constant, blatant affirmation that you love him. He's kind of dense._

Die flicked his eyes up to meet Kyo's for a moment and gave a faint nod before taking another piece of bread. _You think just small things like that will really help?_ He kind of hoped so.

Kyo wrapped a leek around a carrot, popping it into his mouth. _Yep. He's not looking for big fireworks. Just little things all the time to remind him you don't just love him when you say it._

Kaoru had turned his attention back to them, giving them both a strange look. "...Why do I feel like you two are tuned in to Alpha Centauri right now? You look like you're trying to psychic duel one another."

Die gave a slight jump when Kaoru spoke to them, giving him a sheepish look before grabbing another tart. "Ah... cause we were?"

Kaoru eyes sort of bugged out and he topped off his glass of wine and then drinking half of it in one go. He didn't doubt what Die had said at all and the idea made his head spin, both at the concept that such a thing were possible, and that the one person he was most paranoid he could lose Die to had a direct link to his lover like that. Not sure what to think, he drank some more wine.

Die stared at him for a long moment before sighing. Well... he'd fucked that one up, obviously, though he wasn't entirely sure how. On this one, he was clueless. Shifting a bit in his chair, he realized he had to pee something awful. So much wine was the culprit, he was sure. "I have to use the restroom," he offered quietly, pushing his chair back and making his way off toward the restrooms.

Once inside, he found a stall and answered the call of nature, his head in his hands while he tried not to cry. Why was he such an idiot that all he could do was upset Kaoru? This was fucking ridiculous. Getting himself pulled back together, he wiped up, flushed, and then went to wash his hands, checking his makeup while he was at it.

Kaoru watched Die go, noticing how many men, men that looked like they were there with wives or girlfriends, or with business partners, but wearing wedding bands, also let their eyes follow his lover. He sighed, closing his eyes for a minute and turning back to Kyo. "Why is it... we always seem to hurt each other with the things we _don't_ say? Like we read each other all wrong and that's where we start to go sour."

Kyo frowned at him, leaning forward on his elbows. "Because when you're close to people, you anticipate what they're thinking, what they'll say to something. You've just got to be obnoxiously open and honest, even if it sounds like you're talking to each other like five year olds sometimes."

Kaoru thought about it for a moment, shrugging. "But... I don't know how to tell him what I'm really thinking half the time. I don't know how to say, ‘I want us to have a more spiritual connection, the fact that we don't really make love scares me and makes me insecure that you don't love me the way I love you,’ because there's no way that wouldn't hurt him." He glared down at the table, feeling a knot form in his throat. 

Kyo couldn't really say anything to that, hating that for all his gifts, they only went so far, and he didn't have all the answers.

Taking a few more deep breaths, Die calmed himself down at least past the point of tears and headed back out into the restaurant. He didn't notice the stares, probably never really would. Die was just oblivious to that kind of thing and that wasn't likely to change anytime soon. Settling down in his chair again, he put his napkin in his lap and picked up the water glass, taking a few big swallows of it. The table felt kind of agonizing and he inwardly wondered if it was all his fault. Silently, he apologized to Kyo in his head, hoping that he hadn't ruined the entire outing.

Kyo held back the heavy sigh at Die's apology, stuffing another tart into his mouth. _Don't be sorry. You two are just... really sensitive. Just hold his hand and push past it, don't dwell on it._

Kaoru was already sitting very stiffly, biting his lip, wondering if he should say anything. 

_...Do you want my rings? >_

_Die crossed one leg neatly over the other, effectively putting him closer to Kaoru's side. _Please..._ he responded to Kyo, reaching for Kaoru's hand, lacing his fingers with his lover's own._

_Kaoru gave a weak smile to feel Die's fingers slide between his, giving them a little squeeze. Kyo slipped his ring off under the table, the two bands separating, and discreetly tapped Die's knee to hand them over._

_Die reached to get the bands, giving Kyo a tiny smile of thanks before he reached to put one on his left ring finger and then reached over to get Kaoru's left hand, doing the same to him. Luckily for them, they actually fit rather well._

_Kaoru blinked when he realized Die was putting a ring on, and then putting another on his finger, as well. He looked down at his hand, astonished, not really sure what Die was trying to make apparent with the gesture, but finding that the sight of them wearing matching bands made his heart skip a beat. His cheeks flushed pink for a moment and he smiled a bit bashfully, looking down at the table and picking up his glass, sipping more wine._

_Die was happy to see that smile, squeezing Kaoru's hand in his own again before he glanced up at Kyo, giving him a smile as well. Finishing off his water, he finally reached for his wine again. "My fly trap caught a spider this morning," he announced, not sure why this was a topic of conversation, but letting it be anyway._

_Kaoru chuckled a little, rubbing the back of Die's hand with his thumb. "Good. One less actually in the house." He hesitated a moment, then leaned to place a light kiss on Die's cheek, staying close to him._

_"Yeah, for real." Die leaned a bit into the kiss on his cheek, starting to bounce his leg a little, looking out over the people in the restaurant._

_Kyo was glad things had seemed to blow over, though the fact that both of them seemed to get very bent out of shape easily with each other was still concerning. For now, he took it for what it was worth, smiling at them. "It suits you," he commented rather plainly, meaning the rings. "Just saying..." He winked a little, reaching for another carrot._

_Die made a soft sound, squeezing Kaoru's hand again. He tended to think it kind of did, but he also knew he wasn't entirely ready to jump off to a state that allowed it and get married just yet._

_Kaoru's blush darkened and he let out a nervous little laugh. "Ah, another five years, maybe." He rubbed the back of his neck, giving Die a lopsided grin._

_Die gave a nod at that, glad Kaoru was on the same page. Or at least he hoped that was the same page._

_Kyo laughed. "Well I didn't mean you needed to get hitched right this second!" He smiled at them, putting the last tart on Die's bread plate and then setting the crudités on top of the now empty tart dish, making room for the waitress, who was heading their way with a large tray. She opened a stand that had been balanced over her shoulder and set the tray on it, placing Die's down first, the fragrant lamb stew steaming from the dish. A simple tomato salad with a leek vinaigrette was placed between them before she set Kaoru's bean stew in front of him, pieces of fried duck curled and golden brown set prettily on top. Kyo's plate looked plain enough, with a steak and fries and roasted carrots, but he could tell immediately from the smell as it was set in front of him that it was seasoned very authentically._

_Die leaned forward eagerly, smelling the dish he'd been brought. It smelled divine and he hoped it tasted just as good. Pouring them each more wine, he put the bottle back down and quietly asked for more bread. He really liked the butter that came with it and if it was going to be free, then he was going to eat it. Reaching for his spoon, he took a bit of his stew and blew on it before daintily sipping at it, finding it to be amazing. His face brightened. "This is good!"_

_Kyo chuckled. "I thought you'd like it." He started to cut up his steak, finding it cooked perfectly._

_Kaoru looked at his dish for a moment, just admiring it and trying to figure it out, then grabbed a knife and cut the piece of duck up, taking a bite, giving a low, approving groan._

_Die grinned at his lover, watching him eat his. "I assume that's a good sound," he let out softly before taking another spoonful of his soup and then a drink of his wine. "I had no idea lamb was included in French dishes," he admitted._

_"Oh yeah! Honestly... they eat just about everything. And they use a lot of cuts of meats that for whatever reason people in America have decided are gross rather than good. Like, that there," he pointed at Die's stew, "is the shoulder and neck. And they use organ meats." He shrugged. "Honestly, the nastier a meat sounds with French cooking to an American idea of what's edible, the better it is, I swear."_

_Kaoru looked down at his dish. "...This is just regular duck, right? Not like... ass-ends and such?"_

_Kyo laughed. "Yes, it's probably cuts of the breast." Kaoru looked relieved, nodding and taking another bite._

_Die laughed softly. "Ah, well, I don't really approve of us wasting bits of the things we eat anyway." He put another spoonful of soup into his mouth, glancing at Kaoru and smirking as he swallowed._

_Kaoru winked back, getting a good spoonful of his stew with some beans and a piece of friend duck on it, putting his hand under it so that it wouldn't drip and holding it out towards Die. "Try it, it's fantastic."_

_Die leaned over and took the bite, making a soft sound. "Mmm, that is good," he announced after he chewed and swallowed._

_Kyo took the first bite of his steak and seemed to melt back into the chair. His eyes stayed closed for a long time as he simply sat there and chewed, looking almost like he might have been brain-dead. "I am so content right now."_

_Kaoru smirked, reached for a piece of bread from the new basket that had been dropped off and dipping it into his stew. "Good. I'd hate for us to bring you out to dinner as a thank you and have you hate the food."_

_"Yeah... him hating the food would have been rather... fail." Die laughed, shaking his head, reaching for his wine and sipping more of it._

_"Oh, I definitely don't hate it. It's amazing. Holy shit, thanks, guys." Kyo sat up again and started eating, Kaoru mentally making a note to cut himself off so that he'd be alright to drive, emptying the bottle of wine into Kyo and Die's glasses, giving the blonde a little smile._

_Die went back to eating his stew, making little sounds every few minute while he ate it._

_The table was silent for a while, all of them enjoying the food. Kyo crossed his legs, slowing down from practically shoving the food into his mouth, realizing he was eating like a mad man. He put down his fork and picked up his water glass, looking over the rim of it at Die. "You know... if it takes you a while to find another job, I could probably find some projects to send your way; album art and shit like that. I think you'd be more cut out doing things like that, anyway, even if it was just small stuff on the side."_

_At first Die perked up, looking highly pleased. But then he calmed down, blushing a little. "I don't want to put you out like that, Kyo. I mean... I'd love to, but I don't want to make you feel like you're what's keeping me afloat, you know?" He really hoped Kyo understood. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to do things like that for Kyo or anyone he'd send in his direction. But he also didn't want Kyo to think he was mooching off of him._

_Kyo rolled his eyes. "Why do you do that? Why do you always try to reject help from people? I wasn't offering out of pity, I'm offering because I'm your friend and I want to help you out and I think you could do a lot more than fucking beer ads with your art." He was almost angry about the remark, hating that Die found it so easy to put himself down and not take initiative with things Kyo knew were important to him._

_Kaoru sat quiet, unable to argue with Kyo, but not wanting Die to feel like he was being ganged up on._

_Die ducked his head a little and then nodded a bit. "I'm sorry... I just... I don't know. I guess I don't want you to feel like I'm using you or something." He sighed softly, looking up at Kyo. "Honestly, I would feel incredibly honored to work on something for you or anyone else you sent my way."_

_Kyo reached across the table and pat Die's hand, offering him a half smile. "Good. Because I _will_ be sending stuff your way."_

_The blush on Die’s cheeks deepened a little and he nodded. "Thank you," he murmured softly, "I appreciate it."_

_Kyo winked and went back to his steak._

_Kaoru ate until he felt like he might burst, groaning and leaning back in the chair, looking over to see Kyo working on the last few bites of his own meal. "This was really amazing. I know we took you out, but thanks for ordering." The singer just shrugged, murmuring that it was no problem._

_Die managed to finish off his soup and the wine, his head starting to swim by the time he was done. It was kind of nice, being drunk but not trashed. He smiled softly, patting his stomach. "We should buy dessert and take it home since we're all gonna explode if we eat it here."_

_Kyo nodded, finding this idea rather genius, sipping the last of his wine, savoring it. "Chocolate éclairs and crepe suzettes? If you have either cognac or Grand Marnier at the house, it would go perfectly."_

_Kaoru chuckled at them, lifting his hand to flag the waitress, who gathered up their plates and nodded at his order of the dessert to go, going off to put the order in and get their check. Kaoru placed his credit card in the leather folder and put his arm around the back of Die's chair, feeling heavy and sated and rather content with life right then. It was amazing what good food could do._

_"I have some cognac at home," Die replied softly, smiling. Éclairs sounded delightful and he knew he'd look forward to them, chocolate being his weak spot._

_Kaoru's card and receipt to sign where brought back with the desserts boxed and bagged. The waitress smiled and told them thank you before gliding back off to take care of her other tables. Kaoru wrote out a tip on the receipt and signed it, the jagged "KN" with the incomprehensible loops for the rest, tossing the pen and leather folder down on the table with a sigh, standing and reaching for the desserts, but Kyo grabbed them first, winking at him._

_Kaoru gave him a little look, but shrugged it off, pulling Die's chair out and offering his arm, trying to be a gentleman._

_Die struggled to stand up, almost tipping over onto Kaoru with a deep blush. Apparently this much booze was not good for walking in stilettos. Laughing a little, he took Kaoru's arm and clung onto it, trying to be careful and not look entirely smashed at the same time._

_Kaoru moved his arm around Die's waist, helping him down the stairs carefully, keeping a good grip on him so that if he did fall, he wouldn't really go anywhere. "As soon as we get home, I'll get those shoes off you and rub your feet, if you want." He kissed Die's cheek, nuzzling at his ear for a brief second. "I forgot how much I liked you with long hair, by the way... and it's weird seeing you, well, not a redhead."_

_Die grinned at him rather lopsidedly. "Rubbing feet optional. Want shoes off so I don't break my neck though. Think I might do that in the car." He shifted against Kaoru a little bit more for the last few stairs down to the first floor, breathing a sigh of relief. "I'm growing it back out... I swear it."_

_Kyo threw a smile at them over his shoulder, going out of the door, held by one of the valet's, and Kaoru's car was already pulled up at the curb. He lifted his brows, impressed, and took his keys, opening the passenger door for Die while Kyo climbed into the backseat, setting the desserts beside him._

_Die blushed a bit, getting into the front and promptly leaning down to get the damn shoes off his feet. With that done, he settled back and put his seat belt on. "Soooo, scale of one to ten, ten is best, how was it?"_

_Kyo blinked, looking up. "The food? A seven. For being in an American restaurant that's not even in that big of a city? A nine. Overall atmosphere? Ten-point-five." He grinned, settling back in the seat, Kaoru going around the car and getting in, starting the engine and heading back towards home, one hand going over into Die's lap, resting on his thigh._

_Die gave him a thumbs up. "Everything above five, we did well, I'd say!" He giggled softly and squirmed around in the seat, not really caring anymore and spreading his thighs with a sigh of relief. "Mmm... damn... wine always makes me horny." After a moment, he realized what he'd just said and turned about the same shade as his usual hair color._

_Kyo and Kaoru both tried to pretend they hadn't noticed or heard, but after a few tense seconds, they burst out laughing, Kaoru rubbing along the inside of his lover's thigh. "Maybe I'll be nice and fix that for you."_

_Die let out a choked laugh. "Fuck... I think it also makes my lips a little flappy, doesn't it?"_

_Kaoru let his laugh die down into a purr, squeezing Die's thigh again. "It's okay, baby, I like dirty girls."_

_Die leaned his head back against the seat. After a few minutes, his thoughts started to drift, images of alternately sucking off Kaoru and Kyo flitting through his mind. A goofy smile formed on his lips._

_Kaoru kept his hand on Die's leg the whole way home, pulling up behind the house and going around to Die's side, opening the door and handing him the shoes after unbuckling him, scooping him up so that he didn't have to walk across the grass and then into the house._

_Die squeaked when he was picked up, clinging to Kaoru with a shocked look on his face. He really hadn't expected that. After a moment though, the shocked look turned into a grin and a little drunken giggle._

_Kyo was already up the steps, turning around to see them, letting out an emphatic, "Aaaaw!" and making Kaoru stand holding Die in front of his car so that he could take a picture, getting out his phone and holding it up._

_Kaoru carried him up the steps and kicked his shoes off, Kyo opening the door for them and pulling off his boots, heading into the house after them, Kaoru setting Die down on the counter in the kitchen, leaning in to kiss him deeply for a moment. Kyo smiled placidly at them, setting the bag of desserts down. "You two are really beautiful together..."_

_Kaoru's hands danced up and down Die's thighs before he pulled away with a wink, grabbing three glasses and Die's bottle of Cognac, pouring some for all of them, handing the other glasses to Die and Kyo. The blonde took his, looking at the desserts. "Do we want to drink for a while, then eat, or go ahead and be pigs?"_

_"Drink for a while, I think," Die murmured. He didn't particularly favor puking right then._

_Kaoru nodded, taking a sip of the liquor, moving back between Die's thighs. He tilted his head, kissing his lover's long throat, one hand on his waist. In a low voice, he growled into Die's ear, "I want to fuck you right here. You look so good, I just wanna take you right this second."_

_Die let out a tiny gasp at the revelation. His hand came to thread into Kaoru's hair. "Then do it," he let out quietly._

_Kaoru growled, kissing down Die's throat, biting softly, thinking hard to Kyo _Wanna play photographer? My camera's on the desk._ The blonde's eyes went wide, but he set his drink down, heading away from the kitchen. "Ah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go the bathroom."_

_Kaoru kept Die's attention focused solely on him, or tried to, at least, his hand snaking in between the long thighs and rubbing at him through the panties. "Don't wanna wait." He rubbed his dick against Die's leg, letting him feel how hard he was, had been that way since Die announced he was horny in the car. His fingers pushed aside the fabric and sought out his lover's entrance, hoping to feel that he was wet enough to take him._

_Die let out a whimper, shivering with pleasure as Kaoru's fingers slid down over the panties. He let out a moan, throwing his head back and bucking up against him, completely oblivious to anything outside Kaoru's touch. A tiny whimper left him when Kaoru's fingers shifted the panties, dipping into him ever so slightly. The fact that Die's body never did anything half-assed had him sopping wet, the slick natural lube coating Kaoru's fingertips._

_Kaoru grinned lecherously, pulling back and hiking the skirt of the dress up, opening his pants with one hand and taking out his cock. He scooted Die to the edge of the counter, holding him around the waist, and guided himself into his lover, shoving deep into him and starting to thrust immediately, kissing him roughly._

_Die let out a sharp cry, clinging to the counter with his hands, his body straining toward Kaoru. That cock inside him felt like heaven, easing the ache that had started up so adamantly between his legs sometime between starting dinner and coming home. "Fuck, baby..." he let out before abandoning holding onto the counter with one hand, shoving it between them and rubbing needily over his clit._

_Kaoru grabbed Die by the hips, hammering into him, sucking at his neck by the time Kyo came back, creeping quietly around the counter with Kaoru's camera in hand, snapping pictures._

_Die started making loud feminine noises, his hand moving vigorously over his clit, inner walls clamping down around Kaoru. Like this it wasn't going to take long before he was going to cum._

_Kaoru clung to him, crushing their bodies together, sealing his lips back over Die's and shoving his tongue into his lover's mouth, working harder, faster, knowing Die was close and not wanting to be far behind. Kyo just glided around the kitchen, taking pictures, quiet and out of the way._

_When the time came, Die tensed up and then let out a strangled cry into Kaoru's mouth, his body shuddering under his lover as he came. His free hand ended up coming up to wrap around Kaoru, clinging to him while he waited on everything to settle down._

_Kaoru moaned back, feeding off Die's energy, it seemed, his hips moving at a breakneck speed as Die came around him, his own body following close, his orgasm like the ripples of a boulder being dropped into a lake. He squeezed Die to him, rocking his hips slowly after the initial shock had subsided, unable to let go or pull away just yet._

_Die just continued to cling to him, legs wrapped around his lover now, a drowsy, happy look on his face. He breathed out a tiny little laugh of happiness._

_Kaoru pressed his nose into the fake hair, wrapping his arms around and under Die, leaning back and hoisting him up off the counter, still hard inside him. He turned and carried his lover into the living room, glad the blinds were closed, and sat down in the armchair, Die in his lap. He could tell he would last another round, if Die was up for it, and he'd be honestly surprised and perhaps even a little concerned if he wasn't._

_Kyo chuckled, padding after them, sitting on the couch with the camera._

_Die made a tiny hum of pleasure when Kaoru picked him up and several consecutive ones as they walked. His hips shifted a little every few steps, little panting breaths leaving him in announcement that he was definitely horny still. Once they were seated, Die shifted into a better position, his hips bucking forward, rocking Kaoru's dick inside him. He let out a long moan, his eyes flicking to Kyo. "Hnn... dirty," he murmured, a smirk on his lips._

_Kyo rolled his eyes, smirking, taking more photos. Kaoru groaned, lifting Die's hands and putting them on the high back of the chair, wrapping his arms around his lover's slim waist, moving down to feel his ass. "Mmm... that's my girl. Dirty and never short of energy." He leaned in and caught Die's earlobe between his teeth, tugging at it. "Love you, baby."_

_Die moaned happily, not really caring that he was being called 'girl' right then. Kaoru didn't mean it as an insult, so it was okay. Plus he was dressed as one, so it wasn't surprising. He sank all the way down into Kaoru's lap and then pushed himself back up with a gasp. "Hnn.. love you, too, Kao~ruuu," he let out, starting to move faster_

_Kaoru let out a low moan, grabbing Die by the hips, moving him over his cock. "Pull my hair, Die." It was still up in a tight bun, but he knew Die would probably get off faster than he would, being the second go around. He needed the extra stimulus, not to mention, loved it. "Pull it hard, bite me, baby."_

_Die eagerly reached up, yanking out the pins holding the bun up and then loosening it until Kaoru's hair tumbled around his shoulders. Immediately Die's hands tangled in it, pulling hard while he moaned._

_Kaoru let out a growling shout, hearing his hair tear as Die ripped it free of the bun and then yanked it hard. The pain shot straight to his cock, his hips bucking up into Die. "Oh fuck yes, baby! Harder! Shit, bite me!"_

_Die let out another moan and then leaned down, his lips finding Kaoru's neck before he bit him, testing to see how hard he wanted him to, his body still bouncing on his lover's dick._

_Kaoru closed his eyes, holding Die by the hips and bracing his feet against the floor, thrusting up into Die bouncing down onto him. "Leave a mark, bite me hard, I want it there for weeks, fucking hurt me!"_

_Die let out something that sounded more like a snarl than anything else, biting down on him hard enough to damn near break the skin. He could almost taste the blood he bit so hard, a shudder ripping through him._

_Kaoru screamed, almost fighting away, conflicted between pain and pleasure, but then he was cumming and it didn't matter. He shouted Die's name and slammed up into him a few times, emptying another load into his lover before sagging back against the chair, panting._

_Die started lapping over the bite he'd left on his lover, still moving even after Kaoru was spent, giving a tiny whine of wanting. He moved Kaoru's hands to his breasts, helping him play with them in hopes he'd take it over._

_Kaoru hummed, feeling boneless, laughing a little at Die trying to get him to play with his nipples. It was odd, seeing as his nipples were squished together up on his chest, rather than at the peak of the fake inserts in the bra, but he did it anyway, pinching and pulling at them through the dress, craning his neck to kiss at Die's shoulder while his lover licked his neck._

_Die gave a little whine, stopping to sit shakily in his lover's lap for a few moments before he finally just reached down, pushing his face into Kaoru's neck more to hide than anything, and started stroking at his lady-dick, desperate to get off again._

_Kaoru rocked his hips into Die a little, despite the fact he was growing soft, rubbing his lover's back and just holding him, kissing at his hair, even though it felt a little silly, considering it was a wig._

_Die let out a quiet sound, straining toward him a little. He desperately wanted to have a dick in his mouth right then, but he figured Kaoru was probably spent for the night and Kyo wasn't exactly someone he could ask for after they'd been having issues all night. Another little frustrated sound left him, his orgasm not coming any closer with his own actions._

_Slim fingers danced across Die's back, Kaoru tilting his head to catch Die's lips with his own, wanting to kiss him silly, to taste his mouth, feeling particularly amorous in his afterglow._

_Die kissed his lover back passionately, but he stopped touching himself, knowing his mind was too fixated on other things to allow him to cum without extra stimulus right then, but still horny._

_Kaoru let the kiss linger on for a while, Kyo just watching them, a little smile on his lips, having snapped a few more pictures and then turning the camera off. Kaoru pulled back and smiled at Die, patting his ass lightly. "Ready to get out of all this?"_

_Die shifted a little and then nodded, slipping off his lap and quickly starting to get out of the dress first, wriggling until it was safely off his body._

_Kaoru stood, tucking himself away, taking the dress by the collar and waving Die to follow him into the bathroom. He put the dress up and grabbed the shoes, putting his hand out for the gloves and necklace. "I'll go put this stuff up first, then I'll help you get the makeup and the tape off."_

_Die took off and handed over everything except the panties, sitting down on the toilet and waiting on Kaoru to come back._

_When he did, he's pulled his hair back into a ponytail with a hair band, the jacket now off. He smiled at Die and got him to stand up, carefully peeling the tape off his chest and rubbing his skin to get the redness and the sting to fade quickly. He opened a drawer and then pulled out a little box of makeup remover wipes, taking the wig off Die's head and putting it back on the Styrofoam one. "Just scrub with these for a while, I'll go put this away and get you some PJs." He ran his fingers down Die's back and went to put the wig away, Kyo changing in the guest room, out of the clothes from dinner and into a pair of comfortable boxer-briefs, pulling on a yukata and tying it around his narrow waist. Kaoru found it a rather good idea, going into their bedroom and changing out of his clothes, into a robe and boxers, bringing Die his red silk pajamas._

_Die took the makeup remover wipes and started working on himself. After a while, he washed his face with soap and water and then dried off, mostly rid of the makeup, though the lip stain was still there. He shed the panties, wiped his lower half up with a washcloth and then pulled on the PJs Kaoru brought to him. With all that done, he went to put the panties in the hamper, walking off to the bedroom merrily._

_Kaoru smiled at him, kissing his cheek, sitting down on the bed with his laptop. Kyo peeked his head in the door, knocking on the frame a bit, looking at Die. "I'm gonna go have a smoke, do you wanna come with?"_

_Kaoru looked between the two of them, shrugging. "I'm good. Baby?"_

_Die perked up a bit. A cigarette sounded like a good way to calm the part of him that still wanted to get off again. He leaned over and pecked Kaoru on the lips before he hopped up, finding his smokes and a lighter, then following after Kyo. "Be back in a few."_

_Kaoru grinned, kissing him back, pulling up his email and trying to get into blog-writing mode._

_Kyo waited for Die, then went out onto the porch, sitting down and lighting a clove. After a moment, he just went right into it, glad only Die had come out to smoke. "So... what's up with Kaoru's head?"_

_Die settled down on the seat next to Kyo, lighting up his menthol and taking a long drag. He gave Kyo an odd look. "Wouldn't you know more than me?"_

_Kyo sort of laughed, shaking his head. "I'm not the all-seeing eye, Die. I mean... it's like, I see the affects, but I can't quite put the picture together. I know he has really bad headaches, I thought maybe the first day or two, it was just a single migraine, but... he basically has one long headache. All the time. I just feel, like... I guess I know he's had brain surgery? I think that's what it is. But people aren't just filing cabinets, I can't go in and just look for what I want to know. Which is why I'm asking you."_

_"Oooh, you meant that." He blushed a bit and took another drag from the cigarette. "Yeah... he had surgery when he was a kid for a tumor in the brain." He winced a little. "I guess the headaches are left over from it... at least he's not blind though." He thought he remembered Kaoru telling him he'd been blind for a little over a year from it at one point._

_Kyo looked at Die like he was from outer space for a moment. "So he doesn't... he doesn't talk to you about them? The headaches, I mean. Or... any other, like, side effects?" He bit his lip. "I'm kind of conflicted right now... because I don't want to go spreading his secrets if he has a perfectly good reason for not talking to you about them. I just... I kind of find them pretty concerning, to be honest. I don't know how anyone could deal with that shit like he does. And on the outside, you'd hardly ever know."_

_Die shrugged a little. "I'd think, if anything, he doesn't tell me a lot of things just because he doesn't want me constantly worrying about him. Like... protection via not knowing."_

_Kyo pursed his lips. "Then... do you even want me to keep talking?"_

_Die flicked some ash from his cigarette. "I'd rather know, to be honest."_

_Kyo gave a tiny nod, blowing fragrant smoke out of his nostrils. "Well... I mean, like I said, I don't know how he deals with the pain. I guess it's just because it's been there so long, you said he was a kid when it happened, but... I've been around people with migraines, and it's that level of pain, pretty constantly. It fucks up his senses sometimes, and whittles down his patience. His left eye goes blurry, but you said he was blind when he had the tumor, so I guess that makes sense. And..." His mouth turned down, a tight line. "I don't really know how to say this without making it sound pretty bad, but, he hallucinates sometimes. Voices, sometimes visual stuff. For the most part, I can only guess because it's like, a physical brain thing and not a psychotic thing, he can always tell the difference between hallucination and reality, but, it's just kind of scary to me."_

_He sighed. "Watch him? Try to see if you can figure out if his headaches are bad and see how frequent they are. My concern is... if a tumor ever came back, he wouldn't even notice he was getting worse. Just keep an eye on him?"_

_Die frowned, bringing the cigarette up to his lips and taking another drag. "Wow... I'd think it would drive him nuts to be dealing with hallucinations all the time." Absently, he rubbed at his knee and then shook his head a little. "I'll try to keep an eye on him with the headaches bit... maybe make him open up to me a little more about the rest so I can keep tabs on it as well." He sighed, leaning back. "I don't even remember what kind of tumor it was or how large of a probability it would have of coming back...."_

_Kyo shrugged. "He was just a kid, he might not even know. And the hallucinations are infrequent, only when the headaches get really, really bad, or when he's really fatigued." He flicked his ashes into the glass tray, running his tongue over his top teeth. "I'd just... I wouldn't know what to do if something was going on with him, like, if it came back and I knew and he hadn't told you... it would put me in a really awkward position, because I don't think I could handle being the person to tell you something like that."_

_Die studied him for a long few moments and then nodded. "Yeah... I don't think that would be easy." He sighed, taking another drag of his cigarette. The moment felt heavy, muggy like the air they were breathing in._

_The blonde gave a slight shrug, looking down at the porch. "I just... I want you two to be happy. He... you mean everything to him, Die. He would do absolutely anything for you. You know that, right? And the shit like tonight, the way you two walk on eggshells around each other. It scares me."_

_Die finished off his cigarette, crushing out the butt into the tray and breathing out the last bit of smoke. "It scares me, too... I just don't know what to do to fix it. I'm gonna try tossing in some more affection like you said... hope that helps."_

_Kyo bit his lip rather hard. "There's... there's something else, too... about his compulsive thinking? It's like one of those secrets that just wants out, but I'm pretty sure it would hurt you... I think if you could get past the hurt, it might help you figure things out between you, but I don't know if it's worth it to cause you pain."_

_A deep frown settled on Die’s features, his head bowing a little. "If it'll help... I can get over it." Or at least he hoped like hell he could._

_Kyo looked at him pleadingly. "Please don't get mad..." He turned his gaze down to his hands, fiddling with the butt of his cigarette. "He thinks... the reason the lack of... more romantic or spiritual sex or love making or whatever he wants to call it, the reason it bothers him, and the fact that... I mean, I get it! I know it's just who you are, you're pretty laid back, you just let things happen, but, he's more active and so he reads things expecting other people should act the way he does, and..." he sighed, shoulders sagging. "He's scared you don't love him like he loves you... that it's fun for right now, but in a few years, you'll be packing."_

_Die stared down at his hands. The only response he could really give was just a nod for a minute before he let out, "I know. Why do you think I'm trying so hard to give him what he wants? I just don't know what else to do because I'm not going to lie to him and tell him I feel some weird spiritual connection during sex when I'm not really even a spiritual person." He sighed, shaking his head. "To be honest, I think I need to become spiritual in some manner just to give him what he desires. If he wants me to feel something like that, then I have to be spiritual in the first place... right?”_

_Kyo sighed heavily. "But Die... that's why he's scared. He doesn't want you make yourself into something you’re not. He doesn't want you to fake it, or do something only for him. ...I mean, do you feel spiritually connected to him ever? And I know you said you're not spiritual, but, still... I mean, do you ever feel like... if you were hurt, he'd know? Or... like if you were thinking about him in one room, he'd come in like you'd called his name? I think what's best is that you show him in your own way that he's important to you, and sit down and _tell_ him, ‘this means I love you. This is what you mean to me.’" He crossed his legs at the ankle and pulled his knees up to his chest. "I told you, he's dense. You need to beat it into his head that he doesn't need to worry about you running off or finding someone else. There's the little magnets on the fridge, and you can leave him notes or make him dinner. I dunno. Just... like I said, think out loud. When you think he looks great or how much you love him, say it, show it, text it, whatever. Shit, smother him."_

_He shook his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I'm sorry I seem like I'm always telling you what to do with him, but... I mean, if you guys don't talk to each other, somebody's got to help you know what you're thinking, right?" He gave Die a hopeful look. "What about you? What's he not doing that you need?"_

_"I... I knew something bad was going to happen to him a while back and I stopped it from happening, but I think he was a little weirded out by it, rather than taking it as something like a connection to him, you know?" He shrugged. "And I worry about things like him driving after drinking at all. I don't think it's safe and I don't want him to do it, but he still does. It bothers me... a lot." He sighed, leaning back and running a hand through his hair. "Sometimes it does bother me that just because I don't feel love in the same exact way that it's kinda like... it's tossed aside in the 'oh whatever' pile and then he focuses on worrying over what's not happening rather than what is." He took in a deep breath and bowed his head. "Ah... sorry... that was a lot, wasn't it?"_

_"No." Kyo shook his head. "No, it's okay. You have to remember, though, Die, you're the passive one. I don't think he discounts your way of showing him affection. I think maybe he just honestly doesn't know how to recognize it sometimes. You just... need to be aggressively affectionate?" He laughed at how oxymoronic the term was. "I don't know. I need to shut up. It's your relationship, not mine, I just... I really want it to work. As much as you might bicker with each other, I know no one in the world loves you as much as he does."_

_Die let out a soft laugh. "It's funny... I never thought I'd be the passive one at anything. But then I never imagined anyone accepting me for who I am, either." He gave a little shrug and then smiled at Kyo. "But now I have a boyfriend and a best friend who accept me." He shifted a little bit and then realized he still had Kyo's ring on. He smiled down at it for a moment before he pulled it off his slim finger and held it out. "Thanks for letting us borrow them," he murmured softly._

_Kyo took it back, putting it on his finger. Kaoru had given him the other one when he'd put the wig away. "No problem." He put his cigarette butt in the ashtray, though it had long since burned down the filter and gone out. "Can I ask you just one more thing before we go back inside and tackle those desserts?" He didn't wait for a response. "And... this is more, asking you to make sure you know kinda thing... what is Kaoru to you? If you could put labels on him for what he means to you, what would it be?"_

_Die blinked at his friend for a long moment before responding, "Boyfriend. Love of my life. Friend. Confidant." He raised one slim shoulder a little. "That work?"_

_One corner of Kyo's mouth tugged up. "I think the first one is pretty obvious? But make sure he knows the other three." He leaned forward and kissed Die's cheek before standing. "Come on, let's go attack some French pastries."_

_Die smiled, nodding. "Yeah... I should probably tell him more often." He slung an arm around Kyo's shoulders, opening the door for them to go through._

_They stepped inside and Kyo locked the door behind them, going to grab the desserts and his glass of cognac from the counter. "Oh Kaoru~~~"_

_"Yeah?" came the response from the bedroom._

_"I have sweet thingssss~~~" Kyo swung the bag a little, standing in the doorway of the bedroom, where Kaoru sat propped up against the headboard with his computer in his lap._

_Die chuckled, finding his glass of cognac and then coming to lean against the wall next to the door, peering in at his lover._

_Kaoru's mouth twitched up slightly. "And what exactly are you planning to do with those sweet things?" He looked over at him, looking for Die. "It's the tall one that'll suck your dick for sweets, you're barkin' up the wrong tree," he joked._

_When Kaoru announced that it was Die who'd suck Kyo's dick for sweet things, Die actually choked on a mouthful of his drink before laughing. He mopped up his mouth from where he'd spit alcohol and shook his head. "Terrible, Kaoru! Terrible... but true." He laughed, shaking his head and going to the living room, plopping down on the couch._

_Kaoru rolled his eyes a little, turning back to the screen. "I'm almost done, go ahead. Just leave me some."_

_"Whadda ya give us if we do?" Kyo called out, a teasing tone in his voice._

_"Not a kick in the teeth?" Kaoru tried to focus on finishing out the blog entry and at least making it sound like he gave a shit. "I did pay for it, after all."_

_Die laughed. "Aww, you were supposed to be creative, hunny." He reached out toward Kyo. "Gimme." He gave him his best puppy-dog eyes._

_Kyo gave Die a little look. "You can leave those eyes to the actual puppy, thank you." As if on cue, Makoto gave a little poot in his sleep, curled up in his little bed beside the TV. Kyo exploded with laughter, doubling over from where he was taking the éclair box out of the bag. Still shaking, trying to quit laughing, he opened the box, holding it out towards Die._

_Die stared at the dog for a moment. "Did he just fart?" He was already chuckling as he reached for the box._

_Kyo nodded, face turning red, trying hard not to be too loud so he wouldn't wake the little puppy, still recovering from the brink of death and often sleeping. Despite that, Makoto stretched suddenly, straining his little legs in either direction, rolled onto his back with his limbs still locked straight, and then off his little bed and onto the floor, getting up and shaking, trotting over to Die's feet, sitting down and looking at him._

_Die snickered, watching the puppy. "He knows we're talking about him," he informed, one éclair in his hand, the box on the table now. Once the dog was in front of him, he reached down and scooped him up, putting him in his lap and then starting to eat his treat, well away from the puppy_

_Makoto rested his head against Die's chest once he was in his lap, looking up at him, sighing. His tail thumped against the redhead's leg and Kyo reached to rub his back, smiling, the other hand grabbing an éclair form the box. "He's so cute. I'm glad he seems like he's getting better, it would be heartbreaking if he hadn't made it."_

_Die grinned down at the puppy. "He's friggin' adorable. ‘Cute’ isn't a strong enough word for him. And yeah... it would have been terrible."_

_There was a muffled, "Ooooh my fucking god, _work_!" from Kaoru as he struggled with the website not wanting to load his blog and Makoto perked up, standing on Die's legs and looking into the bedroom. _

_Kyo laughed, rubbed the grey head, fondling the soft little ears. "He'll make a good pet, I think. He already loves his daddies."_

_Die couldn't help it, he just laughed. "Ahh... yeah, he will."_

_Kaoru finally got his blog posted, read it over again quickly, then closed his computer and went to pee, washing his hands before going through the kitchen and picking up his glass of cognac, sitting down on the couch on the other side of Die, leaned back against the arm of it, tugging playfully at the puppy's tail._

_Die peered over at Kaoru once he came into the room, giving him an éclair-filled grin before chewing and swallowing that part of the pastry. His fingers gently rubbed under the pup’s chin. Something about the dog in his lap made him feel content._

_Kaoru sipped cognac, looking at Kyo opening the box of crepes, folded over into quarters and filled with a thin layer of cream._

_Kyo picked one up and took a bite, looking like he might faint._

_Kaoru chuckled, reaching across Die and taking one, looking at it for a minute before biting into it. "...I have to learn how to make these. Oh man. This is awesome."_

_Die finished off his éclair and sucked his fingers clean before leaning over and sniffing Kaoru's crepe. "Mmm... smells good," he let out before reaching for his cognac, taking a sip of it._

_Kaoru nodded, holding the crepe out. "It's possibly the best thing ever. Wanna try?"_

_Die leaned over and took a little bite of it, looking amazed. "It is good!" He licked his lips and took another drink of his booze, shifting to playing with the pup’s ears._

_Makoto made little warbling noises of approval, Kyo cross his legs and eating his crepe, sipping the liquor, smiling at Die playing with the dog. Once Kaoru had finished the crepe, he leaned forward and picked his camera up off the table, going back through to look at the photos Kyo had taken. "Wow..." He turned the camera around to Die to show one of he and his lover on the counter, deep in a kiss. It wasn't particularly vulgar, in fact, it looked fake, seeing as they were wearing all their clothes and no actually penetration was seen, and there was something classy and elegant about it in an odd way._

_Die arched an eyebrow at it. "It's like a secret that we were fucking." He laughed._

_Kaoru laughed with a soft growl, leaning in and kissing Die's ear. "I like that. It looks staged, like some racy high fashion ad. But it's really just porn." He looked at Kyo, winking. "Nice job."_

_Kyo gave a little bow. "Thank you, thank you."_

_Die grinned. "Mmm... it's sexy."_

_Kaoru leaned back into the couch, looking through the rest of the photos, then putting the camera down and reaching for an éclair. Makoto watched him, sniffing and getting up out of Die's lap, crawling into Kaoru's. He looked down at the puppy. "What?" A little bark. "You can't haves none!" He chuckled and picked the little grey dog up, setting him down on the floor and then going into the kitchen and opening the bag of puppy treats, setting his éclair on a paper towel on the counter and kneeling down at Makoto's level. "Can you be a good boy?" The puppy just stared at him a little dumbly, sitting down and wagging his tail, but he didn't lunge for the treat. "I guess maybe you can." He smiled and gave it to him, little tongue swiping his fingers as the puppy took it from his hand and chewed it, Kaoru patting him on the head and washing his hands before getting his éclair and going back into the living room._

_Die laughed. "He wants though, but it's bad for puppy!" He made a kissy face at the dog before shaking his head and reaching to get a crepe of his own, taking a bite and moaning softly. "I'm such a treat whore!" he announced._

_Kaoru shook his head at Die, eating the éclair and then picking his drink back up, curling up lazily against the back of the couch. "What to do, what to do... Kyo goes home tomorrow evening."_

_The blonde pouted from the other side of the couch, nodding. "Sad!"_

_Die frowned a little, taking another bite of his crepe. He'd been trying not to think about such things. His eyes flickered over to Kyo. "I dun want you to gooo," he informed in a rather childish voice._

_"I know." Kyo frowned and leaned forward, hugging Die and snuggling up against him. "But at least in a few months, I'll be touring, and I'll probably come by a city near here, so you'll get to see me again. If we're lucky, I'll have a day before or after to actually spend with you rather than just rushing around to say hi the day of the show."_

_Die nodded. "Yeah... I hope so." He hugged Kyo back tightly, making sure not to drop his pastry on him. "But hey, at least we know we don't get all over one another's nerves or something, right?" He pulled back a bit and smiled._

_Kyo smiled, hugging Die tighter. "Yeah."_

_Kaoru frowned at them a little, looking like little girls at the end of summer camp. "Hey, now that you, um, don't really have a job to conflict with... you could come on the Japan trip with me. Maybe we'll be able to meet up with Kyo there, too? That's only another month and a half or so."_

_Die perked up. "Yeah! I can!" He bounced a little, looking excited. "And my first time to Japan!" He grinned at Kaoru._

_Kaoru chuckled, rolling his eyes at him. "Yup. You do have a passport, right?" He hoped so, it would be nearly impossible to get one before the trip if he didn't. He was hoping Die had taken a family vacation to Jamaica at some point or something._

_Die nodded. "It expires next year, but I still have it. Funny... it's never been used though. I got it because a lot of the places I was considering doing my surgeries were out of the country." He blushed. "A few still are."_

_Kaoru nodded, Kyo clapping a little. "Alright, I'll let my editor know you're coming, for certain. That way, even if you do get a job before then, you can go ahead and let them know you'll be gone that week."_

_Die nodded, smiling softly. "Sounds good to me." He settled back, crossing his legs and sipped at his cognac._

_Kaoru slipped his hand into Die's, smiling. "I'm really, really excited now."_

_The red-head grinned. "Me, too. We'll have to do some cool stuff while we're at it."_

_Kaoru laughed, putting his arms around Die. "Baby, I wouldn't take you to Japan your first time and make you work the whole trip. I usually get two or three days of leisure time, maybe we'll go down to Kyoto or something."_

_"Sweet!" Die finished off his glass of cognac and put it down on the table. "I'd like to hit some of the clothing stores and stuff while we're there."_

_Kyo laughed, kissing Die's cheek and then leaning back. "Only you would return to your ancestral home and think about shopping. Oh, little girl, I love you."_

_Die blushed a bit. "Well… there's some really cool clothing shops there that don't sell online!" He shrugged slightly. "I figure the rest of it, Kaoru will probably know exactly where he wants to take me... right?" he glanced over at his lover for confirmation._

_Kaoru nodded, giving a little shrug._

_Kyo just laughed again. "Alright, alright. Fine." He stretched and tossed back the rest of his drink, setting the glass on the table. "Okay, guys. I think I'm gonna call it a night." He got up and kissed them both of the cheek. "Thanks for dinner, I'll see you in the morning." He rubbed Die's hair. _Maybe give you two a little time to be sweet on him?_ He smiled and went to brush his teeth, heading off to the guest room to get some sleep._

_Die watched him go, murmuring, "Goodnight," as his friend left the room. With a soft smile, he curled back up, getting closer to his lover, taking his hand._

_Kaoru rubbed Die's hand, looking at the last few desserts; one crepe, one éclair. He let go of Die's hand and leaned to break both in half, taking half an éclair and handing the other to Die. "So do we have any plans for tonight? Or are we probably going to be heading off to bed, too?"_

_"Mmm... I figured we could finish our dessert and then we could cuddle for a while, just sitting out here until we're really tired." He glanced at his lover, hoping this would be a good plan._

_Kaoru smiled, nodding. "Yeah, that sounds good." He leaned forward and gave Die a little kiss with éclair on his lips._

_Die leaned in and licked his lover's lips clean, grinning just after. "Mmm... Kaoru tastes good... very good."_

_Kaoru blushed a little, popping the rest of the éclair into his mouth and then grabbing the crepe. "Well. I try."_

_Die gave him a toothy grin and then settled back, his legs dangling over Kaoru's. "I love you."_

_A soft smile graced Kaoru's lips and he leaned back, rubbing Die's leg while he finished the crepe, starting to half-heartedly massage his lover's calf through the silk pants. He pointed to Die's glass. "Do you want some more?"_

_Die glanced at his glass and then made a little face. "Milk instead?" he asked softly._

_Nodding, Kaoru moved Die's legs off of his lap and placed them on the floor, getting up and taking the glasses and empty dessert boxes into the kitchen, returning with a glass of milk and a bottle of water, settling back onto the cushions, his legs now over Die's._

_Die accepted the milk with a soft, "Thank you," and then took a sip before starting in on the remaining treats. He opened his mouth, about to make a remark about sucking Kaoru's dick for buying the treats, but he shut it without making it, remembering Kyo saying romantic. He hadn't said anything about lewd. Maybe Die just needed to keep his mouth shut on the lewdness for a while and try to be 'good' instead._

_Kaoru watched him for a moment, the reached out, cupping the back of his head, stroking at his hair. "I'm sorry... that the other night wasn't... wasn't great for you. But I want you to know that it was... it was really amazing for me, and that it really made me think about what you mean to me. About us." He pursed his lips, wondering if he should go on, or if that was enough._

_Die frowned a little at him, shifting closer. "Baby... it wasn't that it wasn't great. I enjoyed it a lot." He bit his lip a little. "I want you to know that you mean the world to me. You really do."_

_Kaoru ducked his head a little, leaning into Die. "Do I?" It wasn't a challenge, he just needed to be reassured._

_"Yeah, you do. You're my light, baby."_

_Kaoru bit his lip, smiling softly. He wrapped his arms around Die's waist and drew him close, kissing his cheek. "Keep talking.”_

_"You're also my friend and my lover and I see us being together for a long time to come." He smiled happily at him, hoping maybe this conversation would help Kaoru see the truth._

_Kaoru's heart skipped a beat and he reached for Die's hand, rubbing it and lacing their fingers together, bringing his lover's hand against his chest. "Really?"_

_Die beamed. "Yes! I mean every word."_

_All Kaoru could do for a long moment was smile, before reaching and pulling Die against his chest, stroking his hair, chin rested in it. "Do you ever think about what it would be like ten years from now... twenty, even? And we're still together. What we'll look like, what we'll act like..."_

_Die tilted his head. "Not like that. But I do think about maybe where we'll be... like if I'll have had my surgeries or what kind of jobs we'll both have."_

_Kaoru hummed, leaning back against the arm of the couch, rubbing Die's back. "Mm. Something about the idea of both of us starting to go grey... and still being together... I really like that. Makes it feel more... real. Is that strange?"_

_"No, it's not strange."_

_Slim fingers danced over Die’s silk covered back, Kaoru shifting under Die to stretch out a bit more. "I know... I'm not perfect, that we're not perfect, and I wish we didn't fight and bicker and hurt each other the way we do, but... even with all that... I want you to know that no one has made me as happy as you do."_

_"Same for me, love... no one makes me feel loved like you do. I don't think anyone else ever will, either."_

_Kaoru kissed the red hair, sighing against it. "Selfish as it sounds, I hope you never find out." He chuckled a little, squeezing his beloved tight._

_Die nuzzled up against him. "Mmm... I kind of hope I won't either."_

_Kaoru craned around until he could press his mouth to Die's kissing him slow and wet. His fingers walked down the valley of his lover's back until he was at his ass, grabbing it. "Know what the first thing I have planned for you in Japan is?"_

_Die kissed him back, chuckling a little when his ass was grabbed. "Mmm... what?"_

_Kaoru spoke slowly, fondling on Die. "We're gonna head straight to the hotel - 'cause there's nothing like a fourteen hour flight, believe me - I always end up at the same one and it has the most beautiful view of Tokyo, with this big windows... and I'm gonna press you up against one of them and fuck you cross-eyed while you look out over the city for the first time."_

_Die let a shiver run through his body. "Hnn... that sounds amazingly lovely, baby." He let his mind run away with the thought, biting his lip with the pleasure of it._

_"Hnn, and the beds are gigantic and soft, you can practically swim in them. It will feel so good with you next to me." His hands stroked up and down Die's ribs, nose pressed into his hair. "I love going home, but I don't think it can compare to having you there with me."_

_"Mm... gigantic soft beds. That sounds pleasant."_

_"Mm, speaking of beds, why don't we head to ours? I'm getting sleepy. We can keep talking there." Kaoru kissed Die's head and patted him to make him sit up._

_The redhead shifted up, stretching and then offering his hand to Kaoru. "Bedybye time for us."_

_Kaoru took his hand, hoisting himself up off the couch and kissing Die's cheek. "You go ahead, warm up the covers for me. I just need to lock up and everything, be there in a second."_

_Die nodded, padding off to the bedroom and slipping under the covers, snuggling down in them. "Hnn..." he sprawled out spread-eagle on the bed, a dumb grin on his face._

_Kaoru did his usual round of the house, turning off lights, turning down the air conditioner, making sure Makoto had water and a goodnight pat on the head, and locking the doors, going to brush his teeth and wash his face quickly before going into the bedroom, hanging his robe on the door to the closet and sliding under the covers and up next to Die, cupping against his back. "Now... back to this trip to Japan. Honestly, a lot of my work stuff can be done walking around the city; it's typically street interviews and candid photos, things like that. There are already a few shows I'm trying to get press passes to, as well."_

_Die beamed at him. "This sounds like fun. You should let me know if there's stuff I can do to help since I get to go for free with you."_

_"Oh, I'll definitely need your help with this one." He spooned against Die's back more, fitting to him, kissing the back of his neck. "It's pretty whirlwind, mostly in Tokyo, but, with seeing my family, too? I'm up and down the island most of the time. It'll be nice having someone to help me out."_

_Die nodded. "I get to meet more of your family?" He perked up. "Will they like me?"_

_Kaoru purred, gnawing on Die's shoulder. "They'd better. My little cousin, Hiromi, is dying to meet you. We write letters back and forth and she's kind of a typical fifteen-year-old Japanese girl, she thinks it's ‘super cool’ that I'm gay and wants to see me with a guy. She's sweet, I think you'll like her. She wants to be a mangaka."_

_Die laughed. "Well... I can kiss you in front of her and make her squeal a lot, then."_

_Kaoru laughed, nodding. "Sounds good. I promised her I'd take her out with me to a show this time around." He kissed along Die's shoulder, pausing for a moment. "My grandfather, though... well. I don't want you to feel like I'm ashamed of you. You know I'm not. But he's ninety-one and doesn't even know I'm gay and I've kind of decided that... I only see him once a year and he's at the end of his life, he doesn't need the stress of what he'd only be able to see as dishonor if I told him I'm gay, so..." He trailed off, figuring Die could put the rest together for himself._

_"So I don't get to meet your grandfather. It's all good." He shrugged a bit. "No point in making him keel over just because I wanted to meet him."_

_"Well, you can still come with me. I want you to be able to see where I grew up. Just... you'd be my assistant, not my lover." He nuzzled Die's hair apologetically._

_Die brightened a little more. "Well... that's okay, I think I can remember not to do anything stupid. And if I do, you say I'm your stupid gay assistant or something and it'll remind me to keep my damn hands to myself."_

_Kaoru chuckled a little. "He, uh... he's probably going to hassle you a little about being an American. He actually fought in the war and... he's still pretty bitter about it." He made a face, wondering if maybe he should leave Die at a hotel, instead. "Sorry, in advance, I guess."_

_Die pulled a face. "So don't tell him? I won't talk much, maybe he won't notice."_

_Kaoru laughed, rocking Die back and forth a little. "Very cute. We'll see if that works."_

_"Hey, I can pass if I keep my mouth shut, I swear it. Just tell me anything odd that I need to obey culturally, yeah?"_

_Kaoru let out a long sigh. "Oh, honey... I think that would take far more time than we have. But, I'll try to help you out. Honestly, if you just watch some old samurai movies and pay attention to the way people act in their homes... I mean, reverent respect."_

_Die frowned a little, but then nodded. He supposed he could do that. It was something at the very least and more than he had. "Okay."_

_Kaoru's hand rubbed over Die's chest and stomach, kissing lazily at his neck just to be touching and tasting him. "We'll have to go to a temple, too. I know it's not really your thing, but they're so beautiful, just for you to have the experience, you should go."_

_"Wouldn't miss it for the world."_

_Kaoru purred happily, starting to drift off. "I'm so happy I get to help give you this experience, baby..."_

_Die smiled at his lover, pulling him a tiny bit closer. "Yeah... me, too."_

_Kaoru closed his eyes, settling more against Die. "I love you, pumpkin..." He let out a long, sleep sigh. "So glad I have you."_

_"I love you, too, baby," he murmured back._

_**To Be Continued…** _


	44. Chapter 43

Kyo was up early the next morning, packing his things and making tea, trying to get everything together before Kaoru or Die woke up so he'd have the rest of the day before his flight to spend with them. It was a little sad to be leaving, but he knew he couldn't stay forever, and that'd he see them again.

After everything was together except for what he was wearing at the moment and what he'd be taking on the flight, he started to look around the bookshelves and such, meaning what he'd said about signing all of his things Die had so if his friend did decide to sell them, they'd be worth more.

Die was the second one up, the urge to pee greatly affecting his ability to sleep any longer. He got up and trotted to the bathroom, stumbling into a few walls on the way. Once inside, he shed his clothing, used the restroom, and then took a nice long shower to feel clean for the day ahead. Rinsing off just wasn't enough for him.

After the shower, he shaved his tiny bit of stubble, brushed his teeth, dried his hair, and then came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, looking much more awake and tolerant of the day in front of him.

Kyo was sitting at the bar, by then, sipping another cup of tea, Kaoru, who had gotten up while Die was in the shower, making coffee in his underwear, looking like he was still asleep. They both smiled at him, Kyo closing the magazine that had been in front of him. "Hey, you. Where's all that stuff you were talking about? I meant what I said about signing it."

Die looked up at them, eyes flitting between Kaoru's half-asleep form and Kyo, who was talking to him. He blushed. "Uh... top shelf of the closet in the guest room and," he pointed to the bookcase that had most of his stuff in it, "like twenty magazines right there."

Running a hand awkwardly through his hair, he gestured at the bedroom. "Gonna go put some clothing on. Be back in a minute." With that, he wandered off to the bedroom, selecting a pair of tight black jeans, red thong underwear that had a pouch for his packer, and a black tank top with a Fleur-de-lis on the back in silver. Pulling everything on, he came back out, feeling more normal, and put all of his stuff in the appropriate hampers before coming back to the kitchen.

Kyo got up and went to get Sharpies, one black, one silver, and took the stack of magazines, sitting down at the bar again and going through, signing each one. Kaoru sort of chuckled at him and then made grabby hands at Die when he returned. "Kiss-kiss! I want one!"

Die laughed softly at Kaoru's reaction to him coming into the room, going over and planting a kiss on his lips before pecking his cheek. "Mmm... coffee... that sounds real good right about now." He glanced at Kyo, watching him sign things, feeling a bit odd about him doing this for him.

Kaoru turned around and pulled down a mug, pouring some coffee for Die, leaning into his side and kissing him again before handing it to him. 

Kyo just kept signing, humming to himself, blowing on the ink before closing the magazines back.

Die took the coffee cup and added a little bit of creamer from the fridge before moving to settle down on the other stool, peering at Kyo. Part of him started to deal with what was happening, realizing he could just shift to seeing it as Kyo giving him something to earn money with in between his projects.

Kaoru poured himself some coffee as well, slipping out onto the back porch for a cigarette. Kyo finished up the magazines, smiling at Die. He pushed the stack over to him. "There's those. I'll go get the box."

Die blushed faintly, accepting the magazines with a small nod. "Thank you," he murmured softly. Once Kyo had gotten up, he wandered off to put the magazines back in the shelf, opening one of his favorites to peer inside at the signature, a stupid smile on his face.

Kyo laughed at him a little, giving a little shrug as a way of saying it was no problem, reaching for the box and then frowning. "Um. I'm short."

Die finished putting away the magazines and then came into the bedroom to get the box down for Kyo, grabbing the two posters he'd had on top of it as well, handing them over. The only other things he had were the CDs and a couple live DVDs in the front.

Kyo took the box and sat down with it, going through the little tour merch knick-knacks. "Holy crap, Die. ...I've never even seen some of this crap! Most of the little money-makers don't even get shown to me." He pulled out tour towels, some wristbands, a key chain, and some buttons, debating how and where to sign them, finally getting everything marked with his chicken-scratch signature, putting it all back in the box and handing it to Die. "That everything?" he asked, unrolling the posters, signing the first, unsigned one, and then adding to the other "Die- You're stuck with me forever. Deal with it. -Kyo".

The redhead laughed softly. "Ah... you wouldn't believe some of the other stuff I've had in the past then. Stationary and shit like that. I used it though... I mean, what's the point in having stationary if you don't use it?" He smirked at the second poster and the way Kyo signed it. Seemed like the truth to him. "Mm... some CDs and DVDs in the front and that's all of it."

Kyo's eyes went wide. "I've really got to switch labels... there was _stationary_?" He groaned a little. "Did you want me to sign that stuff, too, or are you keeping that?"

Die picked up the box. "It was just with the tour name and some graphics, nothing really exceptional or anything. It was a while back." He put the stuff back in the closet and then padded back out, putting his hands in his pockets. "Maybe just the DVDs if I get real desperate for money or something?"

Kyo gave him a little look. "Alright..." He followed him out, spotting his DVDs in the shelf under the TV, pulling them out and taking the sleeve out of the case, signing it and then slipping it back in, doing the same to the other one before returning them to the shelf.

He settled on the floor, watching Kyo. It was somehow kind of embarrassing that he had every single album and single along with the rest of the stuff Kyo had already signed. But then again, he supposed this was what happened when you were a fan.

Kyo rubbed his hair, going to get his tea and then sit back down on the couch. "So... it's my last day here." He gave a little frown. "Any plans?"

Die got up and went to get his coffee as well before coming back and settling down on the couch with a soft shrug. "Not really. Is there anything you wanted to do before going? Maybe... the zoo or something?"

Kyo pondered it. "Yeah. Okay. That sounds like fun, I guess." He rubbed his knee, leaning back into the couch. "So... did things go well last night after I went to bed?"

He gave Kyo a soft smile. "Yeah... I think so. He seemed happy anyway."

Kyo nodded, pausing before he looked at Die as if over the rims of a pair of invisible glasses. "Were _you_ happy?"

Die nodded. "Yeah. I think telling him how I feel helped quite a bit."

"Good." The blonde smiled and leaned forward, poking Die's nose. "Just remember it's like medicine; it only works if you follow the dosage, which is suggested for twice a day. Got it?" He chuckled a little, sipping the last of his tea as Kaoru came in, putting the mail on the coffee table. "I wanna go to the zoo!"

Kaoru blinked at him, feeling like they had a child just then. "Ah. Alright? I need to... need to take a shower." He pointed towards the bathroom and then shook his head, going off to get ready.

Die laughed at Kaoru's reaction. "Man... he looked stunned, didn't he?" He snickered, finishing up his coffee, putting the cup aside, and then flopping back on the couch, his head next to Kyo's thigh.

Kyo started playing with Die's hair, frowning. "We should keep in touch more. Like... does your laptop have a webcam? We should chat that way once a week or something."

He nodded. "It does and we should. I miss seeing you when we talk on the phone. Plus webcam won't run up the phone bill while I'm unemployed." He grinned up at him.

Long, bony fingers worked their way through Die's hair some more as he nodded, smiling. "Exactly. And that way I could talk to both you and Kaoru if I wanted. And maybe then he wouldn't feel so jealous, if the whole... webcam thing brought back memories." He sighed, tugging Die's hair slightly. "I'm really, really sorry about that..."

Die pulled a little face and shrugged slightly. "Don't go trying to take all the blame for that one, Kyo." He winced a bit and thought hard at him. _I didn't exactly tell him about the webcam. I showed him the pic and he flipped shit, so I conveniently forgot to tell him the rest._ He flushed slightly, hoping Kyo understood why he wouldn't tell him.

Kyo frowned, rubbing his nails over Die's scalp. "Still. I'm your friend, and I should have known better than to put temptation in front of you like that."

Die remained outwardly silent, not wanting Kaoru to hear the wrong things and make assumptions if he came out of the shower at the wrong time. _Sweetie, you are a temptation all by yourself. If you think you're not, you're wrong._ His eyes peered up at the vocalist, brimming with emotion. _I wanted that probably as much as you did and while I regret what exploded because of it... I also think that all things happen for a reason. So stop worrying about the past. We just know not to do that again, right?_

Kyo couldn't look at Die, frowning a little, his hands still absently running through his friend's hair. _I wouldn't... I wouldn't ever try to steal you away from him, but... well, if anything ever happened between you... or to him, I can't say I'd try to mend it. I'd probably try to claim you for myself._

Die bit his lip a little, the information leaving him feeling a mess of confused emotions. He was pleased because it meant Kyo liked him and desired him. But there was a little bit of an odd feeling because he was with Kaoru. He settled on feeling happy that he could be wanted by more than one person in this world. _It's good to know I won't be all alone if things don't go the way they're planned._ He reached over to take Kyo's hand, squeezing it gently. "The zoo's huge... what do you want to see the most? I love the meerkats."

Kyo just sat silently for a moment, feeling a bit stupid for admitting, essentially, that he had feelings beyond friendship for Die. He wasn't pining over him, devastated they couldn't be together, but there was a pull, a jealousy, all the same. The question about the zoo shook him out of it. "I really like wolves for some reason. And lizards."

Die smiled. "I love the reptile house. It's awesome. We have komodo dragons, too!" He brought Kyo's hand down so he could cling to it, a thoughtful look on his face. "Mmm... we have lobos and some other kind of wolf if I remember correctly."

Kyo played with Die's fingers, nodding. "And fish? Lots of fish?"

Kaoru came out of the bathroom and over into the bedroom, drying off and getting dressed. "There's tons of tropical fish, the aquarium is one of the best around." He changed into a pair of comfortable dark jeans and a white tank top, drying his hair and then putting on deodorant, leaning in the door frame. "I've got free passes to the zoo, somewhere..." He grabbed his day planner off the side table and flipped through the back, where coupons and receipts and random junk got shoved. "Ah ha! And two coupons for free frozen lemonades."

Die grinned. "Even sharks!" he informed happily. He grinned at Kaoru when he came out, his eyes bright with a childish glee.

Kaoru leaned over the arm of the couch, kissing Die upside down. "Yes, yes, and sharks. Alright, so, do we want to go ahead and head out? We'll need to be back at the house around four if we want to get Kyo to the airport an hour before his flight. You are packed up, right?" The singer nodded. "Good deal. Okay, then. I'm gonna go grab socks and I guess you guys get ready. We'll have lunch there?"

Die pushed himself up, letting go of Kyo's hand and nodding. "Yeah, we can do something terribly bad for us, like corndogs or something." He loved the unhealthy food from the stands there, always had. Going to the bedroom, he found socks and his boots, going out to the front porch to put them on, lighting a cigarette to have a smoke while he did it.

Kyo got up and grabbed his leather Converse sneakers, Kaoru finding a red pair of Pumas, going to put them on, on the back porch and then driving around to the front of the house, rolling down the passenger window and cat-calling playfully at Die. "How much, baby?!"

Die rolled his eyes. "Funny! Very funny! Maybe I'm too expensive to be bought!" He finished tying the second shoe, dusted some ash from his cigarette into the tray and then hopped off the porch, heading down to the car and opening the backdoor, sliding in. "Hundred thou-" he muttered out, holding his hand out over Kaoru's shoulder. "Ya'know, that's the fee for two." Then he cracked up, rolling down the window and actually closing the door.

Kaoru deadpanned, "Get out," after the amount, and then smirked, Kyo coming out and looking at them.

"No way, you came onto me first, buddy." Die cackled, buckling up and waiting.

"Gotta lock the door!" Kaoru took the keys out of the ignition and threw them out the window down the stairs, into the grass. 

Kyo huffed and grabbed them, locking the front door and then coming to get in the front seat. "You two are in a weird mood. Please don't eat me."

When Kyo came out, Die blushed, not really having thought about locking the door. Dumb him, oh well. He let out another laugh. "Mmm... since I'm the high-priced escort apparently, no promises."

Kaoru just looked at Die in the rear view mirror, Kyo buckling up and Kaoru starting the car again. He reached over and opened the glove compartment, taking out a bottle of Excedrin, tapping out two and swallowing them dry before cracking the bottle of water he had with him and taking a drink, putting everything back and then pulling away from the curb. "Do we want to park at the back and walk through the gardens first? Or park in the regular lot and do the animals?"

Die watched Kaoru, a concerned look on his face. Headache one, for the count so far. He shrugged a bit. "Up to Kyo since we're taking him and we can go any time we want."

Kyo nodded. "The gardens sound nice." Kaoru hummed a little and started heading around to the backside of the zoo, on the other side of the river. The path in was a long, winding road through hills that cut across a neighborhood at one point and ended in a parking lot that looked like a desert, with cacti and terracotta pots leading to a ticket booth.

Die finished up his cigarette well before they ended up at the zoo, rolling the window back up. When they arrived at the parking lot, he smiled to himself, happy that they'd found a little adventure to make Kyo feel even more 'normal'.

Kaoru got out, leaving his windows cracked so the car wouldn't cook in the sun and started towards the ticket hut, hands in his pocket. Kyo followed along behind, looking around at the area. It felt wild for some reason, with huge trees all around and giant hanging baskets leading behind the entrance and around into the little water garden. Kaoru gave the passes to the woman behind the glass and she gave them three tickets, which he passed out to them and then started around to the small water garden, where the bathrooms were and where there was a treetop bridge to the actual gardens.

Die bounded along behind them, happy as could be. It felt good to be him right then, he decided rather happily. A nice day, great people, and a trip to the zoo. "I want animal crackers," he announced, seemingly out of nowhere.

Kaoru sort of laughed, rolling his eyes. 

Kyo went up to the small pool of water, looking at the lilies and cattails. He took out his phone, snapping a few pictures, grabbing Die and squishing their cheeks together, taking a picture of them both. "If I see animal crackers, I'll poach them for you." He blinked. "Like a funny haha illegal hunting poach, not boil, like an egg."

Die giggled when Kyo smooshed their cheeks together and took the photo. At the comment, he cracked up. "Dude, it'd take some serious talent to poach animal crackers like a friggin' egg!"

Kaoru sort of rolled his eyes at them, shaking his head. Kyo just laughed, wandering off towards the wooden bridge that was about thirty feet up into the trees, a deep gully running along the backside of the parking lot, separating it from the garden, and the river separating all the of the garden area from the zoo.

Die walked along, pausing every once in a while to stare at something or to smell a plant or flower. He thought for a moment that it was a damn good thing he wasn't allergic to pollen.

Kyo sneezed a few times, rubbing his nose. He was glad he'd remembered to bring his allergy medication with him; when he forgot it, he was always miserable, especially in new places with more things to be allergic to. 

Kaoru strolled behind them, finally getting across the bridge and into the garden, a winding, French-styled rectangle leading down from a small building with a gift shop, with a long fountain running the whole length of it, little hidden paths and nooks everywhere.

Die glanced back at Kyo. "Allergies?" he asked, rather stating the obvious, given that they were surrounded by things to be allergic to.

Kyo nodded, pulling a tissue out of his pocket and blowing his nose. "Yeah. It's really pretty, though." He took some more pictures, walking in and out of the little side-squares of plants, finding that his favorites were the little potted bushes of tri-colored peppers in purple, yellow, and red. He took a picture of them, smiling, then realized something and laughed. "Hey, it's like us!"

Die skipped over and looked at the peppers grinning. "Kaoru! Lookie! It is!"

Kaoru had put on sunglasses, still sort of squinting at the bright glare. "What?" He inspected the little fruits, lifting his glasses to see the color. "Oh. Oh! Yeah!" He laughed a little, rubbing at his temple, sneakily breaking off a spring of rosemary and smelling it, rolling it between his fingers and then putting it into his pocket.

Die gave Kaoru a concerned look, glancing at Kyo to see if he was noticing Kaoru's odd behavior. He moved to put his arm around Kaoru's waist. "Baby? Are you okay?"

Die's touch sent tremors through him the way it always did and Kaoru put his arm back around Die. "What? Yeah, baby, I'm fine. Just... the sun's kinda givin' me a headache. I'll be okay."

The redhead frowned, kind of knowing that Kaoru was lying to him since he had taken pills in the car already. Pulling him closer, he just nodded. If Kaoru wanted to lie to him, then he was going to and there wasn't much Die could do about it.

Kaoru squeezed him back, following after Kyo towards a shaded area of the garden, physically feeling lighter without the heat and bright light on him, sighing a little. 

Kyo took pictures of daisies and a large hibiscus, grabbing Die by the wrist and tugging him and Kaoru both over in front of a little blue window frame in the stucco wall of the garden, ivy snaking across it, taking a picture of them together.

Die moved along with Kaoru, worrying more than anything. He allowed himself to be pulled over for the picture, leaning in against Kaoru and posing for the photo, a smile on his face.

Kaoru rested his head against Die's, giving a little smile. When the picture was done, he leaned back into the wall, feeling the cool surface on his back, raking a hand back through his hair. He trailed a hand down Die's arm and then pushed away, walking over across the top of the garden, looking down the long stretch of fountains, and then over onto the other side.

Die gave Kaoru a very odd look for the way he was behaving, unable to shake that it felt somehow 'off'. He sighed softly, glancing at Kyo. _Is he acting weird to you or is it me?_

Kyo followed around, watching Kaoru. _I think it's just that his head hurts. He doesn't seem too weird. A little distant, maybe?_

 _Okay... I hope that's all. Maybe we should do the aquarium first so he can get inside for a bit?_ He hoped that would improve Kaoru's ability to really enjoy this outing.

Kyo nodded, rubbing Die's back a bit. They made their way through the other side of the garden and wandered through a wooded path to the paved trail that could be either hiked the mile down to the river and across the bridge into the zoo, or taken on a tram. Kyo tugged at Kaoru's shirt like a child. "There's a tram coming, do you want to go to the aquarium first?" The other simply gave a nod, standing at the benches to wait on the little train on wheels.

Die smiled when Kyo asked to go to the aquarium. _Thanks._ He moved to the other side of Kaoru, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Fishes, here we come!"

Kaoru closed his eyes behind the sunglasses, trying to focus on his breath and block out the pain. It was something he did a thousand times, but there were certain things that made it harder to block out; light, sound, heat. He felt slightly queasy, but ignored it, employing a sense of will that bordered on masochistic to just suck it up. When the tram came, he waited for the people riding up to get off, sliding onto a seat and leaning back against the stuffed plastic, holding onto the rail and waiting for them to get going down the hill.

Die slid in next to Kaoru, waiting on Kyo while he stared at his lover, really worried about him. Maybe if he went off and got them the frozen lemonades or something that would help once they got to the aquarium.

Kyo sat down on the row of seats facing them, the tram starting off shortly after. _I shouldn't have told you, you're worried about him now. This is pretty normal, though the sun is bugging him._

Kaoru gave a little sigh and opened his eyes, looking around the woods as they wound down the path and then over the river, the old stone bricks of the mill that had once stood there still seen on an island between the banks. They hit a bump and he pitched a little towards Die, glad he hadn't eaten much so he didn't puke in his lover's lap, swallowing it down hard and gripping the seat with the hand away from Die, not wanting him to catch on that he was feeling down. Anymore, he had mastered the art of hiding his headaches. They were always there; it was useless to complain about them. He refused to let them run his life.

 _No... I don't think it's just that you told me that I'm noticing. I think I'd have been worried anyway even if I didn't know on this one._ He reached over, putting his arm around Kaoru to keep him a bit more steady, peering out the window at the bricks near the river, thoughts wandering for a moment.

Kyo fell silent, just pursing his lips. Kaoru leaned into Die, putting a hand on his knee. Once they were over the river, the tram took them to the center of the zoo, which was thankfully not far from the aquarium. Kaoru got off and walked over to the designated smoking area beside a trash can, pulling a pack from his pants and lighting a cigarette.

Die let Kaoru lead where they were going, walking after him with his hands in his pockets, looking around for food stands. He spied one and nudged Kaoru a bit. "Should I go get the lemonades?"

"Hmm?" He put the cigarette between his lips, reaching into his pocket and grabbing the coupons. "Not for me, you and Kyo can get some." Now he felt like a single father to two kids. "Will you get me a water? I think my head might literally pop if I had something frozen, especially lemonade, right now."

Die nodded, taking the tickets and then wandering off toward the vendor. Once there, he got in line behind a woman who was trying to herd four children and failing rather spectacularly at it. Taking pity on her, he shifted a bit and reached out to stop the little boy from rushing away while the woman was attending to a screaming, swatting duo of girls that looked rather like twins.

Kyo looked between Die and Kaoru, jogging to catch up with Die, standing a bit behind him and staring at the kids. _Oh my fucking god, I'm so glad I'm gay._

Die snorted softly. _The screaming ones are the ones bothering me. This one's just curious._ He kind of glowered at the screaming ones for a moment before sighing, tapping the woman on the shoulder and gesturing at the window. "Your turn, ma'am." 

She snapped at him, "You see I'm doing something here!"

Die held up both hands. "Just trying to be helpful. Sorry." He skirted around her and put in the order for two frozen lemonades, a water, and three bags of animal crackers. He handed over the tickets for the lemonades and then paid for the rest, handing Kyo the boxes of cookies and his lemonade before picking the two drinks up and going back around the kids and the irate mother with a wary look. _Bitch,_ he thought at her as hard as he could.

Kyo tried not to laugh, taking the cookies and his drink and following Die back to Kaoru, who had settled on a bench in some shade. 

"Parents really need to get their kids under control or just not take them out places like this... or at least be civil to others." Die handed over the water to Kaoru and gestured at the cookies. "Want some?"

Kaoru smiled at Die, taking the water and looking warily at the cookies. "Maybe later. I don't think I can eat right now. But thanks, baby." He cracked the bottle of water and drained half of it in one go.

At the answer, Die nodded, settling down in the shade next to him with his lemonade, taking a box of cookies from Kyo and opening them like a child, plucking out the first one. "Llama," he informed, before biting its head off and chewing.

Kaoru laughed softly, leaning back in the bench, Kyo sitting down next to Kaoru, eating the frozen lemonade and opening the cookies. He pulled one out and looked at it, blinking, a hippopotamus shaped cookie in his hand. "...I don't know what this is in English."

Die leaned over to peer at the cookie, a mouthful of frozen treat slipping down his throat before he spoke. "Hippopotamus!" He grinned. "Hippo for short."

Kyo stared at it, trying to make the word stick, then nodded, popping it into his mouth. Next he pulled out an antelope, cursing. "See? Proof that my English is only conversational, I haven't got a fucking clue what half of these are."

Die laughed. "It's okay. I don't have the first clue what most are in Japanese. That's an Antelope."

Kaoru sipped his water, waiting for them to finish. 

Kyo had stopped wondering what the English names were, just eating the cookies and his lemonade, watching as people walked by.

Die finished up his cookies and then his frozen lemonade, depositing his trash in the barrel and then hopping up. "Fishies now!"

Kyo put his trash in, as well, and Kaoru refilled his bottle of water from a fountain, walking over to the aquarium, pulling open the door and holding it for them.

Something about the zoo always turned Die into a child again and he happily bounded into the aquarium, peering around and then quickly darting over to the tank of manta rays, peering over the edge.

Kyo followed, looking around at all the tanks, Kaoru close behind. The blonde went to the large ocean tank with the tilted glass wall so that it felt more like being in the water. Kaoru tugged Die's belt-loop to get his attention, smirking and calling out, "Hey, Kyo, did you see the turtles?"

Kyo turned. "No, I'm looking for the sea turtle now." He turned back to look into the tank just as a large tiger shark nearly skimmed the glass and he shouted, jumping back, Kaoru doubling over with laughter, a few kids who had been standing with Kyo also laughing, though nervously; they had been scared, too.

Die looked up when Kaoru tugged on his belt loop, peering over at Kyo. It was easy to see where this was headed and he had to try not to grin like an idiot. He started laughing a moment later when Kyo cried out, shaking his head. Silly. At least he wasn't the only one acting childish.

Kyo pouted, stalking back over to them with his hands shoved into his pockets just as Kaoru pulled away to go look at the jelly fish. He gave a death glare at the older man's back. "Not funny, dude."

Die snickered a little. "Well... actually... it kinda was." He looped his arm around Kyo's shoulders and pointed into the open-topped tank for the manta rays. "Look! They come right up to us!"

Immediately, the incident seemed to leave Kyo's mind as he leaned over the tank and looked down into the water. "Oooh! ...Can we touch 'em?"

Die glanced around looking for signs that said they couldn't. There weren't any where they were standing and he shrugged. "I guess so." Reaching out, he put one hand near the water's surface, waiting on the circling manta rays to come closer. One came up, pushing a little out of the water and skimming under Die's fingers. He giggled. "They feel cool, try it!"

Kyo pushed his watch further up his wrist, doing like Die had done and putting his hand just barely under the surface. After a moment, one of the creatures crested under his hand, its slick, rubbery body skimming along his fingers. He shivered, smiling. "New favorite animal!"

Die giggled. "They're cool, yeah?" Another one swept by, getting both Kyo and Die's fingers before splashing them with water and gliding off.

Kyo grinned. "They're pretty! I like them." 

Kaoru had moved onto the octopus, on the other side of that particular part of the aquarium from them.

Die let it happen again, giggling at the water before he grabbed Kyo's hand and pulled him off toward another tank with some starfish in it and a woman letting people hold things out of the tank.

Kyo wandered along after him, Kaoru finally meeting back up with them, standing on the other side of Kyo and looking at the starfish, crouching down to look at its underbelly stuck to the glass. "There's something kind of gross about that... they just look funny."

Die grinned when Kaoru rejoined them, reaching out to take the starfish offered to him by the woman after he washed his hands off. He examined it, grinning and then gently putting it under the water's surface next to a rock to see if it'd climb off.

Kaoru watched Die for a moment before looking at the hermit crab currently trying to unsuccessfully eat a little girl's mood ring. He snickered a little, brushing past the two of them and walking off to the tropical fish tank, color flashing everywhere. He sat down at the top of the steps leading down the huge tank wall, just looking.

The creature kind of migrated with Die's help and he bounded over to wash his hands again. Once he was done, he headed over to stare at the octopus for a minute before rushing over to where Kaoru was at and squishing his lover in his arms. "Fisssshhhhh," he informed.

Kaoru jumped, not having expected the attack, making a little sound when Die squeezed him. His head pounded a little more and he tried not to show that he was annoyed, trying to smile. He hated that Die was getting on his nerves, because if he didn't have a migraine just then, he would have found it cute, and knew Die was having a good time. He did his best not to let any outward signs of his inner frustration show, knowing he'd beat himself up if he ruined Die's good mood, especially on his last day with Kyo.

The blonde appeared a moment later, patting Kaoru's shoulder lightly and then walking down to the glass wall, looking around into the huge tank, taking out his phone once again for more pictures.

Die remembered a moment too late that Kaoru was suffering from a huge migraine right then and probably didn't want 'fish' squealed in his ear like Die was four years old. He made a tiny face and shifted back from his lover, promptly bounding off after Kyo to bug him instead. After all, Kaoru had to deal with Die all the time and Kyo only had to deal with him for today and then be free of him for a while. He looped his arm around Kyo's shoulder and peered at what he was taking a picture of, his head tilted.

Kyo was taking video by then, getting a sea turtle swimming around with tropical fish floating by. "He okay? Maybe you should try rubbing the back of his head. He said that's where he carries tension. Might make it better, but with migraines, it could make it worse, too."

Die winced a little. "I don't think my child-like squealing is helping very much. I'm just going to leave him be for a little while."

Kyo sort of shrugged, saving the video. He sat down on the lowest step and just watched the fish for a while. "I'm gonna miss you, ya know."

Die settled next to him. "Yeah... I'm gonna miss you something awful. It's been wonderful having you right here." He reached over, taking his hand and squeezing it. "Promise it won't be the last time I see you," he murmured softly, looking rather like he could cry right about then.

Kyo squeezed Die's hand back, hard. "It won’t be." After a moment, he just stared at Die. "If you make me cry, I'm gonna punch you right in the fucking face."

Die gave him a watery laugh and leaned against his shoulder for a minute, shoulders shaking in laughter. When he leaned back up, he wiped away a few stray tears, shaking his head. "Somehow, I do not doubt that at all."

Kyo bit his lip hard to keep in the tears, not wanting to lose it. He punched Die in the arm, playful, nothing hard, and laughed a little. "You're goddamn right I'd do it. Can't have you ruining my image, I'm supposed to be a total psychotic bad-ass that only cries out of rage, remember? Not because he's leaving his best friend."

Die stuck out his lip. "If you believe the fandom, you're not supposed to have friends and you never ever smile, didn't you know that?" He let out a laugh and shook his head. "Good thing I'm not fixed in the images or we'd have a problem."

Kyo shrugged a little. "Well. Stage Kyo doesn't smile. Or have friends. Or love, or any of that. In a way the fans are right. Who they know as me is what they think it is. But the me under the mask..." he shrugged. "I'm real. I just... package a part of myself and make it into art." He rolled his eyes. "Not like I need to explain it to you, sorry, it's habit."

Die smiled at the explanation. "Nah... I don't mind hearing it. Reminds me that both pieces are real. I guess I need just as much reminding as everyone else, just the opposite way."

Kyo gave a tiny shrug. "Some artists... it's a gimmick. The whole stage persona. They tailor it to bring in fans, money, attention. I like to think of my _other me_ as a... social experiment. A living, breathing piece of art. A study into the basal natures of the human psyche. All that crap." He said it like he was discussing how he liked to fix his hair in the morning. "A lot of my fans don't get me, I think. But whatever. I don't really do it for them, I do it for me and the few of them that _do_ understand me. Maybe one day the rest will all catch up and we'll be one big happy family." He laughed a bit, shrugging again. "Whatever."

Die smirked. "Yeah... right... fans... one big happy family. Are you wishing for the apocalypse to happen, Kyo?"

Kyo gave a little bitter laugh. "You're right. You know, I threw a towel into the crowd once and watched three girls fight over it. And when I say ‘fight,’ I mean, beat the shit out of each other. Blood. Chunks of hair ripped out. Clawed at each other's faces." He shook his head. "I'm genuinely fucking terrified of ninety percent of them. I don't understand the rabid obsession, though part of me appreciates it and is moved by it. But it's still terrifying."

Die nodded. "Yeah... it is a bit creepy. I guess I can see why you were a bit creeped out by me having your signed poster up when you know well that you didn't sign it for me."

Kyo blushed. "Well. Yeah. A little. And knowing that... you're my friend. And a fan to the _other part_... it's both confusing and a little weird, but, I'll get used to it." He turned to look at Kaoru, rubbing at his temples. "Poor thing..."

Die nodded a bit. He wasn't really sure what to say, since he was almost obsessive in the collecting stuff department, though at least not in some of the weirder ways that some parts of the fandom were. He glanced over at Kaoru. "Is it getting worse?"

Kyo frowned. "I don't think so. I think his resolve is cracking, more. He's got a pretty good handle on how to block out the pain, but I guess today his skills are lacking." He patted Die's hand. "I think I'm gonna go back to the manta rays for a while, maybe just go sit with him? I'll only be a minute."

Die frowned, heaving a soft sigh. "I'll not squee at him this time. And I guess I'll try the massage thing and hope it works." He got up and headed back to Kaoru, sitting down calmly next to him. He remembered something else he'd been taught once and he reached for Kaoru's hands, pulling them into his own and massaging against the center of his palms rather hard. Pressure points sometimes proved good and he hoped it would here.

Kyo went off towards the reach-in tanks again, watching Die and Kaoru. At first, the older man looked at Die, almost annoyed, easily irritated, but as soon as his hand was taken and his palms rubbed hard, he groaned. "Oooooh, that feels so fucking good..." A mother beside him glared at his language, but he didn't care. "Harder."

Die obliged, doing exactly that, rubbing harder on his palms, concentrating on making tight circles with his thumbs, hoping like hell it would help his lover, even if just a little.

Kaoru purred, unable to tell if the pain was just diverting his attention from the migraine, or if it really felt good and was helping ease the headache, but he didn't care. "Ooh ooh, right in here." He rubbed the muscle running along the web between his thumb and forefinger to indicate. "Squeeze the shit out of it, helps sometimes."

Die reached to do what Kaoru told him to, hoping it would really help him out. He didn't like his lover being in pain... or in a crabby mood.

Kaoru sagged, resting his head on Die's shoulder. "Ugh, that feels so good..."

Die leaned in a little and gently pressed a kiss to his temple. "Is it helping?" he murmured.

Kaoru sighed. "A little, yeah. It's a nice distraction, at least." The mother that had glared at him a moment ago seemed appalled by the little kiss Die gave to Kaoru's head, plucking up her daughter and storming off. Kaoru sneered, growling out once she was out of earshot, "Oh grow up, bitch." So his patience and filter was still a bit down.

Die glowered at the woman, not even waiting on her to be out of earshot. "What? Got a problem with gays do ya?" He didn't really care right then what he said because he was 90% certain she was just going to storm off faster with his comment.

Kaoru gave a little groan, hiding his face in Die's neck, able to feel the eyes on them at Die's comment. He just hoped no super Christian mother or something was going to come tell them that there were kids around, like that was a perfect explanation for not being affectionate. Sure, if they were making out or something, he could understand; he probably wouldn't want his proverbial kids watching straight couples be all over each other in public, but he certainly was not up to being talked to like they should know better than to pretend like they weren't a couple.

Thankfully, there seemed to be an awkward silence for a moment in the area, but it passed and no one said another word.

Die glanced at Kaoru and then resumed massaging his hands. "Stupid people who can't be accepting. Just like my damn parents."

Kaoru spoke quietly, head still on Die's shoulder. "You can't force it on people. They'll just push away more. Honestly, I think us being an open couple and pretty normal is like... proof that not every gay couple is all over each other every five seconds or looks a certain way."

Die nodded. "Yeah... I know I can't force them, but it doesn't mean I can't be insulted when they stomp off in a huff."

Kaoru shrugged. "She's a bitch that we'll probably never see again. Whatever."

Die raised Kaoru's hand to his lips, gently kissing it. "Did I manage to do anything more than distract you from your headache?" he asked softly.

His lover purred a little, snuggling him for a moment. "Mm, yeah. It feels a little better. Thank you, doll."

"Good. Want to get Kyo and look at the eels before we do the sharks and then the rest of the zoo? Or want to wait a little while?"

Kaoru shook his head, standing up. "I should be okay. I hate letting migraines get in the way of shit, it's a pussy way to deal with it. It's just pain, and it's not like I don't have them a lot, I can deal."

Die frowned a little and stood up as well. "Just... tell me if they get worse, will you?"

Kaoru made a little face, shrugging. "Yeah, sure." He put his hands in his pockets and started walking over to Kyo, who saw them and turned, walking towards them. 

"More stuff?" he asked expectantly, having known from the outside of the building that there was far more to the aquarium. He was actually quite excited about the lake and river animals section he'd seen on the map coming in.

Die nodded. "More stuff!" He honestly had his heart set on the darkened Jelly Fish room, but he also knew they'd get there in due time.

Kyo washed his hands quickly and then gestured for Die to lead the way, Kaoru already strolling ahead at a leisurely pace, waiting for his lover to direct them around the aquarium.

Die trotted off after Kaoru, giving him a brief squeeze on the shoulder before he bolted ahead and made his way through the dark eel habitat, which arched over their heads. One of the eels was curled on the glass above the entrance, seeming to be sleeping there.

Kyo walked in, looking above him. "Damn. I want unagi now." He chuckled a little, crouching to tap on the glass with one long finger at a Moray eel swaying back and forth, a foot outside of its little coral cave.

Die laughed, gently punching Kyo in the arm. "Silly!" he hissed out before straining upward to touch at the one over their heads through the glass. Merrily, he moved to look at some huge flat fish that tried to blend in with the sand. It was odd looking.   
Kyo walked after Die, Kaoru just strolling, liking that it was darker in here. The blonde nudged Die, looking at the fish. "Flounder?" He made a face at its eyes seemingly on one side of its body. "Strange."

"I think... I dunno. It looks so odd." He grabbed Kyo's hand and tugged him into the Jelly Fish room, pulling him to the center and then sitting down. All around them Jelly Fish circulated in the 3/4 dome, a large tube of them with changing light colors just in front of where they sat.

Kyo leaned with his head on Die's shoulder, looking at the little floating things, tentacles trailing under their wispy, parachute bodies. 

Kaoru's tattoo glowed faintly in the black light and a girl with a septum ring wearing a fifty's style dress was admiring it while trying to seem like she wasn't staring. Her boyfriend looked rather peeved that she was doing a fairly bad job of it.

Die shifted his eyes to Kaoru and then around the room, noticing the girl and trying not to snicker to himself. He wondered if Kaoru noticed or not, though he didn't dare ask or anything of the sort. Instead, he looked back at the Jelly Fish, pointing out one in specific that seemed to be trying to go against the current.

Kaoru was oblivious as usual, the girl's boyfriend tugging her out of the jelly fish room, looking challenged. 

Kyo started laughing when they were gone. "Your man just got scoped out big time by an unavailable girl. You should feel proud, Die."

Kaoru turned around, blinking. "What?"

"That girl," Kyo laughed. "The little goth-a-billy chick with her boyfriend, she was definitely checking you out. At first it was the tattoo, then she was practically blowing you with her eyes."

"Jesus, you're just as fucking oblivious as I am, Kaoru!" Die laughed, shaking his head. "She was sooo checking you out."

Kaoru blushed a little, giving a tiny shrug, not knowing how else to act. 

Kyo got up and put his hand out to Die to help him up. "It's oddly romantic in here. Dark, quiet, little swimming things that turn colors with the lights. It's nice."

Die took Kyo's hand, standing up with him, nodding at his comment. "Yeah, it is. Beautiful, too." He smiled, leading them off through the little alcove with smaller types of jelly fish and some seahorses.

Kyo pointed to the sea anemones, switching to Japanese. "I don't know what those really feel like, but I swear, what they look like they feel like, is what your pussy feels like." 

Die blushed brightly and then laughed. "Wow... yeah... I can see it."

Kaoru laughed, unable to argue with that assessment, following them for a while before wandering off, going into the steamy tropical section, sitting on the bottom ledge in front of a tank of huge South American fish, waiting for them to catch up.

Die padded off after Kaoru when he was done staring at some cute seahorses.

Kaoru looked up, offering Die a smile, completely oblivious to the enormous fish behind him, almost as big as Kaoru himself. 

Kyo trotted along behind, getting hit with a wave of hot steam when he opened the door into the tropical section, oohing and aahing over the piranha. Kaoru smirked a little. "Having fun?"

Die pointed behind Kaoru. "Huge fish," he informed before leaning over the rail to stare at it. "Scary."

Kaoru turned and gave a start, jumping up. Kyo snickered. "Isn't funny, is it?" 

Kaoru just glowered, walking over to the little wall boxes of small frogs.

Die laughed softly, heading off to stare at the various other fish and the handful of reptiles that weren't in the reptile house inside the zoo grounds. "This is so much fun," he murmured softly, looking happy to be right where he was.

Kaoru rubbed Die's back, kissing his cheek. Once Kyo had thoroughly inspected everything in the tropical house, he tugged on Die's hand. "Sharks are last?"

Die grinned. "Yup, sharks now and the sea turtles and other fish in with them." He bounced a little on the balls of his feet and took both of their hands, happily heading toward the exit of the tropical exhibit that would lead into the final theater-like room with the sharks.

Kaoru squeezed Die's fingers while Kyo was looking around, amazed at how huge the tanks were, realizing that the smaller wall of tropical fish on the back side of the shark tank was just another side of the same fish he'd seen at the entrance, little windows to it shown intermittently around the aquarium. A large leatherback paddled across the front of the glass and he gasped, amazed at how huge it was.

Die grinned as he stood there, staring around at the fish, turtles, and sharks with pure amazement. A puffer fish came swimming toward the glass and then started to hug along the side, skimming awkwardly along. He went over to it, putting his hand against the glass next to it and the fish paused his trip, just swimming in place next to the warmth. "Awww," Die murmured softly.

Kyo snuck his phone out of his pocket and took a picture of Die with the fish, grinning. "This place is so pretty. I love aquariums." 

"I do, too... it's serene." He gently stroked the glass and then pulled his hand away, the puffer remaining for a moment and then making his way off toward what Die assumed was probably a search for warmer waters.

Kyo turned around, looking around the whole room, kids running around excitedly towards a smaller tank that looked empty, the water open, just blue, no habitat. He had assumed it was an exhibit under construction, but soon realized what everyone was excited about. Cruising by around just under the surface was a huge great white. His eyes went wide and he tugged Die's shirt. "Holy fucking shit."

At Kyo's announcement, he looked up, seeing where he was looking and then uttered, "Dude," before he grabbed his hand and bolted off toward the tank.

Kaoru was already practically glued to the glass, a group of kids gathered around his legs, looking up at the shark as it started to circle lower. A mesmerized look was in Kaoru's eyes, along with a touch of fear. 

Kyo was actually shaking a little. "Why am I afraid of it when I know it can't get out? I just looks... evil!" He actually cowered slightly into Die's side.

Die looped his arm around Kyo's shoulders, holding him close to his side. "Natural reaction to something this large and deadly," he murmured, his eyes searching the creature as it swam. "Wonder if he'll do alright or not. I know some of them don't."

Kaoru hummed a little as they came up behind him. "I read about this in the paper a while back, forgot. They just got him in a month or two ago, they're trying to see if he'll get comfortable enough to keep in captivity." Kaoru's eyes hadn't left the shark, which was now swimming cautiously closer to the glass, black eyes unsettling. "I think the plan is to release him if he starts going south, health-wise."

Die nodded. "Sounds like a good plan." He gave the shark a wary glance, shuddering a little.

The shark disappeared off to the other side of the tank, circling low along the bottom to the other side. A little girl with her brothers was standing beside Kaoru, all of them looking around to see where the shark had gone. Suddenly, it darted across the glass, fin skimming along the surface of it, right at eye level of the kids. A wave of screams went up, and laughs from parents, but the little girl by Kaoru was mortified, wailing and grabbing the first thing to hide her face against, which happened to be Kaoru's leg. Her little hands had a death lock on his jeans, shaking and crying. He looked down at her, feeling awkward as hell, looking around for her parents and hesitantly putting a hand down to pat her head and calm her.

Die even gasped when the shark came at them, squishing Kyo to his side for a moment as the kids screamed. The one that attached herself to Kaoru, he gave a sad look to before kneeling down and offering her a tissue. "Aww, hunny, it's okay... Mr. Shark is behind the glass where he can't hurt you, I promise. He's scary though, isn't he?" He peered up at Kaoru, something swelling inside him and again he felt that tug that made him know he wanted kids one day. Looking back at the little girl, he offered her a smile, one of those smiles that could solve anything.

She took the tissue and dabbed at her eyes, lip turned down and out. It was then that she realized who she had grabbed onto was not her father, or brother, or mom, or anyone she knew. She stared up at Kaoru and Die, obviously a little confused and embarrassed. "Um. I has to go to my mommy." She turned promptly, her brothers having already wandered off, and all but ran to a woman feeding a baby across the room. 

Kaoru laughed softly. "Poor thing."

Die smiled at her, nodding when she said she had to go to her mommy. He watched her dart off and stood up, shaking his head. "Okie-dokie... animals that stink, next?"

Kyo grabbed Kaoru's arm, tugging him towards the door. The older man sort of chuckled, letting himself be pulled along. "Like cows and stuff?"

"Like... all zoo animals. Well, most. They shit in their cages, so they stink." He laughed, pushing out into the gift shop area, stopping the moment he was confronted with adorable puffer fish plushies. "Oh... my god," he murmured, reaching for one and picking it up.

Kyo shook his head. "Oh no. No, no no. Not plushies."

Kaoru batted him in the arm. "He likes them!" 

The blonde laughed a little, watching Kaoru pick up one of the soft toys and walk off towards the cash register.

Die pouted. "But they're soft and squishie." He gave Kyo a wobbling lower lip for effect before he grabbed three bottles of water from the machine and went to go pay for those.

Kaoru took the water as well, putting it on the counter along with a nice keychain, paying for all of it on his credit card, handing the bag with the plushie to Die along with a bottle of water, and taking the keychain to Kyo. 

The singer looked at it, grinning. "Thanks."

Die gleefully took the plushie, pecking Kaoru on the lips. "Thank youuuuu~" he crooned out, skipping off to the door .

Kaoru licked his lips after the kiss, he and Kyo following Die out, Kaoru putting the sunglasses back over his eyes. He looked around, trying to decide which way to go. "What did you want to see first? It's all in one big loop." Kyo just shrugged, looking at Die.

Die waited to see if Kyo had a place he wanted to go first. When he didn't say anything, he just headed off to the left toward the area with the tigers and other big cats. 

Kyo walked beside Die, Kaoru a little behind, looking around at the rock wall lining the path, little kids trying to climb up them while mothers screamed for them to get down that instant.

Die raced up the path, getting to the cage with the leopards in it first, hanging over the wall to peer down into the exhibit.

Kaoru grabbed him by the back of the pants, smirking at him. "If you fall in, I will be so mad that I have to save your ass." 

Kyo leaned on the wall, looking at the big cat preening. 

Kaoru kissed Die's shoulder and then let go of him. "I like the big cats. They're still really beautiful, but scary."

"I won't fall, mommy," Die told him, laughing right after and hopping down, darting to the other side to look at the big old lion and the lionesses.

Kyo watched him go, nudging Kaoru. "He's hard to keep up with sometimes, isn't he?"

The other frowned slightly, watching his lover dart off like a little kid. "Yeah, I guess."

A little kid next to Die roared at the lion a few times until he finally roared back. Die laughed, shaking his head before he trotted over to the panthers, staring at the one pacing back and forth across the front of the cage.

Kyo tugged Kaoru along, following after Die, admiring the panther. "That thing looks hungry..." He pushed a hand back through his hair, shaking it out. "I don't know why, but you kind of remind me of a panther, Die."

Die glanced back at them and then made a face that he thought was appropriate for a panther, his teeth bared and his nose scrunched up. "RAWRRRR!" Giggling, he threw an arm around both of them. "Mmm... but I don't like raw meat! Wellll... except," he glanced down at first Kaoru's and then Kyo's crotch, then in Japanese, "except _that_ kind of raw meat."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, squeezing Die's ass. "You're terrible." He patted his lover's behind before walking ahead, Kyo watching him go.

Die snorted. Of course he was terrible. Everyone who knew him knew that.

Kyo leaned in when he was sure Kaoru was out of earshot, whispering to Die. "I have something to ask you about when we get home, if there's time."

Die glanced at Kyo and then nodded. "Of course," he murmured, giving Kyo an odd look, wondering what it could possibly be about.

Kyo gave a little nod, leaning in closer. "Well..." He looked around, biting his lip. "I... I know you like to watch. And, well, Kaoru is... really hot. I like to bottom sometimes. ...Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Die's eyes brightened and he laughed softly, dragging Kyo over to stare at the meerkats, away from any of the kids while they talked. "Dude, you look so freaked out to ask that. It's cool." He bit his lip and leaned in. "If I get to suck you both off for a starter, then I don't mind if you bang my boyfriend." He turned his head a little bit more toward Kyo. "Mmm... I think he wants a real dick in him anyway. I know he misses that." He leaned forward, stretching his fingers toward a baby meerkat that was pawing through the mesh at him, letting it bat lightly at his fingertips.

Kyo turned bright red at how easily Die talked about such things. He wondered if Kaoru would go for it at all, though he had a feeling that if it seemed like it was what Die wanted him to do, he'd do it. Thankfully, the little meerkat distracted him; he leaned over the railing, several inches short of reaching it. "Oh no! I'm too short, I can't play with it!"

Die let out a soft laugh, going behind Kyo and lifting him up further, leaning over with him, rather un-accidentally situating himself so that his packer pressed flush against Kyo's butt while he grinned. "Now you're not!"

Kyo balanced on the rail, grunting, getting to paw at the meerkat for a moment before he started to groan. "You're crushing my balls!"

Blushing something awful, Die shifted, putting Kyo back down. "Ah... sorry. Didn't mean to do that." He looked rather flustered for a moment before leaning back over to play with the meerkat, easily distracted by the utter cuteness.

Kyo grabbed his junk, readjusting with a grimace. "It's okay. At least you don't have to worry about stuff like getting hit in the nuts. That's kind of an upside, right?"

"It still hurts, just I guess not the same way is all." He shrugged a little, watching as the mama meerkat picked up the little one by the scruff and tugged him away from the fence. Pushing back from the barrier, he shoved his hands in his pockets, going to look at the foxes in the next cage.

The blonde slid up behind him, gasping. "Foxes!" He took out his phone and shot some video of two of them playing with each other, rolling around in a pile of leaves. "Aaaw, I love them! Does that mean we're close to the wolves?" He looked around, realizing he didn't see Kaoru anywhere, but didn't mention it to Die, hoping maybe he was just around the bend or something. He had a hunch the other was still fighting a serious pain in the head.

"Yeah, wolves are up there," Die pointed to the next curve in the path. "There's some other foxes here and some prairie dogs... and this awesome huge porcupine."

Kyo kept walking, stopping at each spot to look at the animals, ready for the wolves. When they came around a curve in the path, there was a large fenced-in wooded area with two sleek grey shapes in the back, resting under a tree. The blonde looked around, making sure no one was close, then cupped his hands around his mouth, letting out a rather authentic-sounding howl. Both wolves hopped up, looking around. He grinned. "Thought so. They're used to hearing humans call." He did it again and one of them took a few cautious steps towards him, ears perked.

Die spent a little bit of time with the porcupine, using his phone to get a few images of it since it was freaking huge, with soft quills. That done, he followed Kyo, coming up as the blonde howled at the wolves. He smirked, leaning against the fence, just watching the curious animal come closer.

Kyo tried to get inside the animal's head, maybe just feel it out and get it to come closer, but animals were different, especially predators. It blocked him out and sort of huffed, turning around and going off behind a bush. "Damn."

Die tilted his head at the wolf and then at Kyo, trying to figure out what was going on between them. He shrugged a bit. "They're beautiful though." Finally, he noticed that Kaoru wasn't anywhere to be seen. "Uh... where's Kaoru?" he asked, scanning the area.

Kyo sort of winced, looking around, trying to feel out for Kaoru. "I dunno... maybe he went up ahead to find some shade?"

Die frowned a bit. "I hope he's okay. If we don't find him in five, I'll call." He pushed away from the wall of the wolves, going to peer at the lobos. "Mmm... am I too much when I get excited? Like... I know I act like a kid, but maybe I piss everyone off around me?"

Kyo shrugged. "It can be a little much." He didn't see the point in sugar-coating for Die. "But at least you're in a good mood. You're bright. Just... it's not the best thing with a migraine."

The redhead nodded. "I'm not always like this... I just... I guess I've always loved the zoo and I haven't been in a long time." He shrugged a little. "Actually, lately, I've been kinda sulky more than just flat-out happy. And usually I know it's too much for other people to handle and I keep most of it inside." Giving a soft sigh, he fiddled with the drawstrings on the bag with the plushie in it. "I don't like annoying other people. I need them to be happy for me to be happy."

Kyo reached out and rubbed Die's back. "I know that. It's how you are." He sighed, starting down the path again to the hyenas, still looking for Kaoru, who was nowhere to be seen. "Don't worry about it, okay? Just chalk it up to the headache, and I think maybe he's trying to give you and me a little space."

Die nodded a little, plodding off after Kyo. It was hard to be unhappy at the zoo, but he figured if he just looked at the ground rather than the animals for a while, he could tone down the sparkly annoyingness at least some. Cracking open his bottle of water, he took a few sips of it before putting it back in the bag.

Kyo walked up a hill to find the tortoises, held in only by a ring of large boulders, a few kids sitting on them, reaching to pat the large creature's head. He made an excited noise and walked to the edge of the enclosure, spotting another tortoise towards the back that no one was petting, climbing up onto the rock in front of it and cautiously extending his hand, rubbing its dry head.

Die watched Kyo, staring at him petting the tortoise, kind of wanting to himself, but instead, he just hung back, examining the creatures from a distance before going to sit on one of the benches where the parents were sitting, watching their kids. He pulled out his phone, opening a text message and quickly typed out a Tweet. _Sometimes I feel like I have no control over who I am._ He sent it and closed his phone, pondering why he felt that way.

After a moment, a text came in from Twitter, an update from Kaoru. Die flipped open his phone and read it, smiling a little, having forgotten Kaoru had followed him the week before when he'd found out he had a Twitter. _insidetheframe: I love my baby just the way he is._

Right on cue, Kaoru walked around the corner, coming up to Die with his hands in his pockets, hoping his lover wouldn't be able to smell what he'd been doing, though it was fairly obvious, seeing as he was so relaxed. He sat down next to Die, their knees touching. "What's up, baby? You were in a really good mood, now you seem down?"

Die closed the phone and pushed it back into his pocket, looking up when Kaoru spoke. "There you are. Lost you."

The scent coming off Kaoru was one easily recognizable and fairly obvious when he sat down right next to him on the bench, but Die didn't say anything, just wondering to himself if Kaoru always kept weed on him somewhere. "Mmm... I dunno. Just thinking about how I get too worked up about things and ruin it for other people."

Kaoru put his hand on Die's knee, rubbing it. "Why? Kyo's having a good time. I'm starting to feel better, so I'm having a good time. What's wrong, pumpkin?"

"I'm a handful and I'm sorry for that." Die took Kaoru's hand and squeezed it a bit. "Just say you forgive me and I'll chill out... please?"

Kaoru leaned in a little, giving Die a smirk, looking at him over his sunglasses. "Only if you give me a kiss."

Offering a tiny smile, he leaned over and pecked Kaoru on the lips before settling back and looking over at the tortoises. He wanted to touch one so bad. With a little pathetic whine, he stood up and muttered, "Can't help it," before going over to the one closest, reaching with a few kids to pet its head gently.

Kaoru shook his head, following after Die, taking out his phone and getting a picture of Die with the kids all reaching to pet it. He sent it to Die's phone and then to Facebook before waiting for a kid to move so that he could squeeze in beside Die and reach out to the tortoise, stroking along its neck. "Feels weird."

Die didn't notice the picture, though he did notice his phone, but ignored it in favor of the tortoise. "Yeah... kinda cool, though." He gently patted the big guy's shell before slipping back and using some of the provided hand sanitizer.

Kyo came back to them, rubbing some on his hands, as well. 

Kaoru squirted some onto his hands and started walking again, slowly, wanting Die to put his arm around him, but not wanting to sound desperate by actually asking for it to be there. 

Kyo wondered if he should intervene, hesitating a moment before mentioning to Die, _He wants you to put your arm around him._

Die was kind of hanging in the middle, slowly heading to the next exhibit when Kyo spoke to him. _Thanks._ Waiting for a moment, he got into step with Kaoru and slid his arm around Kaoru's shoulders, murmuring, "I love you, baby," to him as they walked.

Kaoru blushed, a pleasant shiver racking through him. He leaned in to kiss Die's jaw briefly. "Mm, I was just thinking how I wanted your arm around me."

Die tried to play it sly, smiling at him and just nodding a little, squeezing his shoulder a bit.

Kaoru put his own arm around Die's waist, smelling hot dogs and fries up ahead, a line of food stands and some picnic tables set off from the path. "Do we want to eat first before we go to the petting zoo?" 

Kyo perked up, hearing "petting zoo," but looked rather longingly at the corn dog stand.

Die chuckled. "Corn dogs and fries and then petting zoo. We feed us and then feed the animals!"

Kaoru squeezed Die around the waist, heading towards the corn dogs. "I'm gonna go get some fried mushrooms while you get corn dogs. Do you want any?" 

Kyo nodded, looking intrigued by the idea of fried mushrooms. 

Kaoru looked at Die, raising his brows.

"I'll stick with the corn dog and fries. I might try a bite of one or something though." He padded over to the line, looking at the prices and items, deciding on a strawberry tea in a strawberry shaped cup to drink. He'd give the cup to Asako next time he saw her.

Kyo staked out a picnic table, sitting down and opening up his phone, sending off some photos and videos to his email so that he could make some room on the memory and take more. 

Kaoru sat down with him once he had the fried mushrooms, parmesan cheese sprinkled on his. Kyo tried one to see if he wanted to put some on his as well, but decided against it, getting up to pump-a-cup of honey mustard to dip them in, instead.

Die settled down with his food and some mustard and ketchup, starting to graze through the obnoxiously bad-for-him meal, looking content about the whole thing.

Kaoru passed Kyo his corn dog from the tray before taking his own, thanking Die before digging in, sipping the root beer he'd gotten from the fried mushroom stand. "This is so nutritionally void, but delicious."

Die laughed. "I think we'll burn it off wandering around, so it's all good."

Kaoru rubbed his stomach, shrugging. "I'm still too skinny right now, anyway, I could use a little chub." 

Kyo snickered a little, devouring his food rather ravenously. From the heat and walking around, he'd become quite hungry and it was simply habit in such a mode to wolf down food, usually having only a few minutes to eat while touring or recording or being ushered around a city doing promotional shit.

Die gave Kyo a kind of bemused look before he polished off his corn dog and dug into his fries. "Mmm... cushi’n for the pushin'," he mumbled in between bites.

Kyo glared a little, popping another mushroom into his mouth. "I happen to like my big ass, thank you." He flicked his hair out of his face and finished eating, slurping down soda. 

Kaoru had sort of fallen into eating his food in a way that made it rather obvious he was a bit stoned, zoned out and chewing very slowly. 

Kyo tried desperately not to pay any attention to it because it was threatening to make him laugh until he spewed cherry Coke out of his nose.

Die burst out laughing, shaking his head. "Did I say I didn't like the cushion? Eesh! Happen to like me a little bootah." He reached over and goosed Kaoru's ass. "You know, since I have none of my own and all."

Kaoru made a sound at the grab, jumping and sort of coming back to reality. He looked between them and blinked. "Well, I have a runner's ass, and Kyo has the ass of a Puerto Rican hooker." 

The singer gave no rebuttal, just stared with his jaw dropped, not sure whether to be offended or flattered.

Die started laughing. "Well... yeah, I suppose you're right." He leaned back enough to see his ass. "Mmmm...hmm... yeah, I'd say so."

Kyo covered his face with his hands, resting his elbows on the table. "Goddammit, you're right..." He shook his head and then looked up, shrugging and sipping more soda. "At least I actually have an ass, I guess."

"I personally think you both have very enjoyable asses. Me, on the other hand... again, no ass. Shame." He laughed. "I need like Booty Pop underwear or something!"

Kaoru raised a brow. "Oh, sweetie. As much as I love your ‘ass,’" he made air quote gestures as he said this, "I think even that would look like you'd stuffed two grapefruits over a flat board." He reached to pat his lover's flat ass affectionately.

Die laughed softly, shaking his head. "Yeeeeeah, you have a point." He stuffed more fries in his mouth.

Kaoru finished eating, leaning forward on his elbows. "Ooh, that was yummy."

Die finished up his fries in record time, standing to toss their trash in the elephant-shaped garbage can, laughing at it.

Kyo eyed the trash can, it reminding him of the unnecessarily cute mundane things in Japan. He shook his head and tossed his soda into it, Kaoru dumping his trash in as well, walking close beside Die over towards the smell of farm animals.

Die carefully stuffed some napkins in the strawberry-shaped cup and then capped the hard plastic straw, putting it in his bag wrapped in napkins so it wouldn't make his plushie sticky.

Kyo smiled, watching him. "Is that for Kaoru's niece?" He'd seen the way Die was with the little girl; it was obvious he adored her.

Die nodded. "Yeah, I got the special cup so I could give it to her. It's cute, yeah?"

Kyo smiled, Kaoru tucking an arm around Die's waist. "That's so cute. Before long, _you're_ gonna be her favorite uncle."

Die blushed. "Aww... I'll settle for second favorite."

"Yeah, yeah." Kaoru put his hand in Die's pocket, hugging close to him. A big red barn was up ahead, animals inside and some in a fenced in area behind for petting. He walked into the barn and looked up, first, at the owls; three different kinds roosting and hooting softly at each other. Kyo looked excited, trying to find some way to get a decent picture of them up in the dark rafters.

Die trotted into the barn, looking around with a pleased expression on his face. "I always love how the zoo varies from part to part," he murmured.

Kyo nodded, walking around and looking at the animals in the pens inside; a few pigs, some chicks, bunnies, two gigantic turkeys, and a llama, who was chewing some hay at the back of the pen, away from anyone trying to pet it. 

Kaoru looked longingly at the bunnies.

Die plopped down in front of the rabbits, reaching to the side and paying a quarter to get some pellets of food, then stuck his fingers through with it. "Bunnnyyyy," he cooed, "here, bunny, bunny, we just wanna pet youuu." A few rabbits hopped over to nibble at the food, Die pushing his other hand's fingers through and gently petting them.

Kaoru knelt down beside his lover, Kyo on the other side, putting another quarter in and getting a few rabbits over to himself, rubbing at one soft little ear. "I want one so bad, but I'm not home enough to take care of it." Kyo pouted, rubbing his fingers through soft fur. "They're so precious!"

Die cooed softly at them. "They're so soooooft," he murmured. "Bunnies are adorable."

Kaoru had his fingers stuck through the fence, rubbing at one bunny's neck, a dopey grin on his face. He leaned into Die's side, putting his head on the other's shoulder.

"Awww, my baby likes the bunnies, too?" he asked, grinning at the look on Kaoru's face.

Kaoru nodded, tugging gently on one brown rabbit's ear. "Of course! I'd have to be a robot not to like bunnies!"

Die chuckled. "Hnn, think a bunny would get along with the puppy?"

Kaoru winced. "I could see that ending in tragedy."

Die pouted a little. "Maybe not. I mean, odder things have happened."

Kaoru shrugged. "Maybe. But we're kinda tight on money right now anyway, we'll think about it later." He got up and dusted himself off, going to look at the little chicks and the eggs in the incubators.

Die nodded, padding off after the bunnies ate all the food from his hand. "Yeah, you have a point."

Kyo poured what was left of his food onto the floor of the hutch, getting up and walking towards the back of the barn, looking out at the petting zoo area, with cows, goats, a pony, two alpacas, and a sheep. He waved Kaoru and Die over, walking to pay the dollar to get into the enclosure with the goats, pony, and sheep.

Die bounced over, looking just as excited as he had been earlier. He paid to go in as well and immediately went to an alpaca, reaching and petting it. "Sooooft," he informed in an amazed voice.

Kaoru followed them in, watching Die pet the alpaca while Kyo seemed fascinated with the goats, and one goat in particular was rather intrigued by him. He laughed at them staring at each other and put his hands in his pockets, walking over to Die. "Having fun?"

Die tugged his lover closer. "C'mere, touch it. It's wonderful!" He pulled his hand from his pocket and put it on the alpaca.

"Ooooh, feels like luxury!" Kaoru put his fingers into the soft fur, rubbing at it. "Smells like hay and shit, but feels like heaven."

Die laughed. "Yeah... well... it lives here. Of course it smells that way." Smirking, he petted the animal in awe.

Kyo walked over to see what all the fuss was about, a little black goat following behind him. He reached out and patted the animal, purring. "I want all my clothes made out of this from now on."

The redhead peered behind Kyo, a bemused look on his face. "Dude... you have a goat following you."

Kyo looked behind him at said goat, its green eyes with the rectangular pupils on him intensely. He eyed it back, a little wary. "Is this good or bad?"

Die shrugged. "I haven't a clue. But he's not head-butting you or kicking you, so I'd assume good."

Kyo stared back at the goat, feeling cautious. "I dunno, he kinda looks like he wants to head-butt me." 

Kaoru looked between the goat and Kyo, then at one of the keepers, who wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention. He sighed and walked over to the goat, carefully, reaching out and petting it. He shook its head as if to toss his hand off and trotted up to Kyo, nudging his thigh with its horns. 

Kyo looked lost at both of them, petting the goat again. "What do I do?"

Die watched, laughing softly. "Two options. Keep petting the goat or get out of the pen. Looks like he just likes Kyo attentions," and then he mentally tacked on, _just like everyone else_ , with a laugh.

Kyo gave a worried look down at the little guy, continuing to pet him and then deciding that maybe Die's other suggestion might yield more favorable results. Taking his hand off the goat, he took a few steps away, watching it. The goat made a little huffing sound and watching him go, walking carefully, side-stepping over to the gate. In an instant the goat was charging at him, butting its head and curved horns against Kyo's ass, almost knocking him to the ground. Panicked, Kyo ran for the fence, grabbing onto the top board and hurtling himself onto the other side, the goat butting the fence a few times before trotting off, looking haughty. 

Kaoru just stood wide-eyed, not sure what he'd just witnessed or why in the hell it had happened, looking to make sure Kyo was okay. He was shaky, but standing on the other side of the fence, looking confused.

Die stared between the goat and Kyo, looking somewhere between scared and amused. "Sweetie, I don't think it liked you not petting it." He eyeballed the goat, patted the alpaca, and then carefully steered Kaoru out of the pen with him, going to the guy manning the pen. "Hey," he tapped him on the shoulder, "that goat just charged my friend. Might wanna put him away from the children."

The zoo employee looked at Die in a bored sort of manner, but then trudged off, grabbing the goat by one horn and putting him into a small pen by himself. 

Kaoru went out and made sure Kyo was alright, rubbing his shoulders, feeling him shaking like a leaf. The blonde looked rather pissed off to have been shaken up so bad by a little goat. "That smelly, farm-fucking bastard! I hate goats!"

Die padded over to Kyo and looped an arm around his waist. "He just got overzealous, that's all. Goats do that."

Kyo's cheeks were burning. "Yeah, well he scared the shit out of me."

"Let's go see some otters." Otters were innocuous... right? He hoped so.

Kaoru gave a little nod, thinking that was probably a good idea. 

Kyo whined, though, running off. "Wait! I didn't get to pet the cows!" He jogged to the small corral, standing on the fence and leaning over to a big brown heifer, wrapping his arms around her neck and petting her, seeming calmed after the goat incident. The cow seemed content to just chew and let him do as he liked, staying by the fence so he could reach her.

Die chuckled, watching Kyo rush over to pet the cows. He paused, leaning against a little wall with flowers potted in it, taking out his phone and snapping a picture of Kyo with the cow. "Somehow that's amusing," he murmured.

Kaoru chuckled, rubbing Die's arm. "Mm. Cuz from the back he looks like a little blonde girl? Yeah." 

Kyo snapped around, hopping off the fence. "I heard that, jerk-off." He walked past them, heading out. "Otters now."

"Mmm... I'm still sticking with hooker ass." Die chuckled, following after Kyo toward the otter exhibit.

Kaoru ignored the snap back from Kyo, following along. "Mm, good point. Twelve year old white girls don't have asses like that. However... from the waist up, from the back..." 

Kyo shot him a glare over his shoulder and he just laughed, walking up to the glass in front of the otters, shooting around in the water and being total hams to the kids waving at them from the other side.

Die made a terrible face. "Please don't make me think of him like a twleve year old girl. I've tapped that." He nudged Kaoru's shoulder. "So have you. We'll stick with hooker-ass."

Kaoru didn't look particularly amused at that, but said nothing, going to stand behind Kyo as the blonde crouched in front of the glass, making faces at an otter blowing bubbles under water.

Mentally, Die cringed. Again he'd said the wrong thing. Goody. Slipping around them, he went up the spiraling walkway to the top where he could see the otters from the top side, leaning on the rope fence and peering in.

Kyo touched the glass and the otter came and rubbed at it through the barrier. "They're such little attention whores! They're totally performing!"

Kaoru laughed, noticing that every otter was watching the people, trying to get their attention, playing around rather conspicuously. He looked up at Die over the top of the exhibit, waving a little.

Die waved back when he noticed, though he quickly re-focused on the otters up top, watching them skitter around and then do arching dives off the top and into the water below.

Kaoru's attention went to the diving otters as well, watching them cut through the water and swoop back up. "Aw, I wish I could swim sometimes."

Pulling out his phone, Die snapped a few pictures of the otters, particularly one who was begging at him like it wanted food that Die didn't have, cooing softly at them.

Kyo smiled, sitting down on the bench across from the glass, waiting on Die to come down. "Alright, these are my new-new favorite animals. They're so cute! I don't think I've ever seen something so happy in captivity that wasn't a pet." 

Kaoru hummed a soft laugh, nodding.

Die spent a while up there, waiting on the guys to come up. When they didn't, he headed back down to them. "Hey... there's sea lions over the little bridge up there. It's the easy way to the next exhibit. Wanna see?"

Kaoru looked up at the rope bridge. "Uuuuh..."

"Sure!" Kyo popped up and started striding over to the stairs, leaving Kaoru without much choice. Reluctantly, Kaoru headed over, as well, following Kyo up.

Die grinned, heading up the walkway again. "Fun ahead!"

Kaoru managed to squeeze behind Die before they crossed the bridge, holding onto him, having to just go and not look. Once they were on the other side, he grabbed Die around the waist and whispered into his ear, "I want kids with you one day," before pushing past him again as if he hadn't said a thing, looking down at the sea lions passing a big red ball between them.

Die chuckled softly, letting Kaoru cling to him, not minding it at all. At the comment, he grinned. "Hnn... yeah," he murmured softly, "sounds good to me."

Kaoru reached back and took Die's hand, rubbing it and toying with his fingers, the gesture saying, "I love you," as clearly as words ever could. 

Kyo glanced at them over his shoulder, a little grin tugging at his mouth, walking down to see the sea lions up close.

Die squeezed his fingers back, smiling at him as he moved closer to the sea lions. He always thought they were cute and awesome to watch.

Kaoru swung their joined hands, going over to stand beside Kyo who was already up on the rail to see over into the pool better, black bodies darting around in the water, playing; two sunning themselves on a rock island in the middle.

Die made a sea lion sound at them, getting one back from one of the ones on the rock. Gleefully, a few kids beside him did the same thing, getting a response as well.

Kaoru chuckled at his lover and the kids, leaning over towards him, being rather obvious about wanting a kiss just then.

Die pecked Kaoru on the lips before making more sea lion sounds, causing the kids to laugh happily.

Kaoru smiled, rolling his eyes at the short peck on the lips and Die continuing with the noises. He opted for kissing at his lover's ear, instead. "You're going to make an amazing dad one day."

The redhead squished Kaoru to his side. "Mmm... thank you, baby." He blushed faintly and then bounced a little in place. "Feeding time! Oh my god!" He clapped excitedly before pushing his arm around Kaoru again.

Kyo had taken to sitting on top of the rail, Kaoru hugging Die back while they watched two trainers come out with buckets of fish.

Immediately there was a group of sea lions near the trainer, only one of them remaining in the water while the others came up to beg for food, all of them barking in their distinctive way.

The trainers got a few tricks out of them, Kyo clapping along with everyone else. 

Kaoru rubbed at Die's hip, watching with a smile on his face. 

Kyo cut eyes at them every now and again, grinning. _He's doing that thing again where he keeps thinking about how much he loves you and how amazing it is that you're the man he's probably going to spend the rest of his life with. It's cute._

Die was grinning gleefully while he watched the sea lions. When Kyo spoke to him in his head, he grinned even more, squeezing Kaoru closer to him. _Aww, agreed, that is cute._ He rubbed at Kaoru's side affectionately.

Kaoru nuzzled against Die's cheek a little, sensing that they were getting disdainful looks from parents and kids alike, but not caring, loving having Die in his arms, and Die's arms around him. When the fish buckets were empty and the sea lions had gotten back into the water, Kyo hopped down from the rail, patting Kaoru on the back and starting to walk towards the tunnel with the monkey exhibits, the elephants on the other side.

Die pushed away from the rail as well, moving off after Kyo, his arm still around Kaoru's waist. He didn't mind displaying his affection in public and he was glad Kaoru would show him this much considering how he reacted to anything more sexual in nature. Maybe if he did a lot of lovey dovey stuff out like this, it would help.

Kyo walked on ahead, looking into the exhibits lit with skylights, different types of monkeys, a bobcat, and some sloths displayed. 

Kaoru couldn't help but take advantage of the dark, tugging Die towards the back wall where there was no light and leaning to kiss him, tongue swiping over his bottom lip.

Die gasped softly, leaning into Kaoru's touch, his mouth hungrily devouring his lover's, one hand threaded into his hair.

Kaoru put one hand on Die's hip, the other at the back of his head, kissing him back with a slow, hungry passion. He nipped at his lover's full bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth, pecking his mouth a few times. "You always taste good, you know that? Even first thing in the morning, your kiss always tastes so good."

Die let out a soft chuckle. "Mmm... I didn't know that." Leaning in, he claimed Kaoru's mouth again, pushing his tongue into it and slowly exploring the depths, unwilling to give up his kiss so soon.

Kaoru purred, rocking Die back and forth, wrestling his tongue playfully. After a moment, Kyo's voice quipped from a few feet away, "Are you two making out?" Kaoru chuckled into Die's mouth, continuing to kiss him, raising one hand and giving Kyo the bird.

Die chuckled into Kaoru's mouth, thinking hard at him. _Yes, yes we are. I'm getting PDAs for once, lemme get 'em._ He tugged Kaoru even closer, his tongue plundering the other man's mouth greedily.

Kyo huffed like a kid grossed out by their parents being affectionate and kept walking.

Kaoru slowly pulled away from Die, kissing down his neck for a moment before putting an arm back around his waist and continuing on. "Elephants and giraffes, then home?"

Die chuckled softly, reaching down to squeeze his lover's ass. "Mmm... yeah, sounds like a plan," he murmured.

Kaoru hugged around Die's waist more, meeting Kyo at the elephants, two young bulls bathing themselves at the pond at the back of their enclosure.

Die merrily walked along with Kaoru, stopping at the elephants. "Eww... stinky."

Kyo leaned into Die's side not occupied by Kaoru. "Aaaw, but they're so... majestic! Like big, doe-eyed leather armchairs!"

Die laughed, nodding. "Hey, is it them or rhinoceroses that have prehensile penises?"

Kyo gave a blank look and Kaoru laughed. "I'm pretty sure it's elephants, maybe both."

Seeing the blank look, Die chuckled. "Prehensile... their penises can move around on their own, like a tentacle or something."

Kyo's jaw dropped. "Oh my god, that is amazing. Do want." He looked at the two bull elephants again, this time with a little awe.

Die laughed. "You and every other man on the planet. They're hung hugely, too. Scary."

Kyo snorted. "I would hope so. I mean. They're elephants. Gotta be proportionate, right?" 

Kaoru laughed almost uncomfortably, watching a female lumber over to a bale of hay and start eating.

Die gave Kaoru a curious look, wondering why he sounded so uncomfortable. All the same, he snorted and nodded at Kyo. "Oh yeah, I'd suppose so, huh?"

Kaoru rubbed Die's back and pulled away, walking over to the giraffes, going up onto an observation deck and paying for a handful of chopped up carrots, holding them out and luring a giraffe over, it's black tongue wrapping around the pieces of carrot to pick them up and eat them.

Die watched him go and then shrugged. "Wanna go to the giraffes? Oh! We needa ride the camel still!"

Kyo shrugged, giving a nod and heading towards the giraffes, an excited look at Kaoru feeding one. He then stopped, looking at Die. "Camels? ...I don't know if I wanna get on a camel."

Die pointed at a little ring off to the side, all by itself where three two-humped camels were draped with blankets and metal rails, mostly kids lined up to ride them, a sign saying $10 per camel ride on the side of the platform. "They're even two-humped!"

Kyo looked at it, pondering, visions of being spit on or falling off a camel spinning through his head. "I dunno... I'd need some incentive."

"Mmm... We can fit between the humps and I'll let you be in front or in back, whichever you want. C'monnnnn!"

Kyo gave Kaoru a look that said, "Help me!" as the other gazed down at them from the giraffe deck, laughing and waving as Kyo plodded after Die, looking at the big, stinky animals rather warily. "...How do I get up on it?"

Die pointed to the little steps on the platform that the guy was putting the animal next to each time. "The platform and then those little steps." He led the other partway up the platform, paying a girl $20, who then handed him two tickets, one of which he gave Kyo.

Kyo stepped up behind Die, giving the stairs and the camels a wide berth. "I'm only doing this because I love you, you know that?" He saw Kaoru leaning on the fence across the little area and glared at the big grin on his face.

"Aww, I loves you, too." Die grinned, shaking his head as they stepped up to a new camel. "Front or back?" he asked Kyo.

The blonde looked very pressured, whining a little. "Front, I guess." Carefully, he got up onto the steps, the attendant keeping the camel still while he cautiously put his leg over it and settled in, a rather unpleasant look on his face. He'd never ridden any sort of animal before and it was honestly quite terrifying.

Die slipped up behind him, sliding his arms around Kyo and leaning his head on his shoulder. The attendant pushed the bar in place that would keep them from falling off, a fixed one on the other side. There was one hump on either side of them and Die let out a gleeful sound as the man on the ground started to lead the camel off, the big beast just clopping off in a rather bored manner around the circular track.

Kyo closed his eyes for the first few seconds, leaning back into Die and holding tightly onto his arms. He opened them just as they were passing Kaoru, taking video of the whole thing. He wrinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue at him, trying to let his body shift with the camel's steps instead of feeling like he was going to pitch to one side.

Die laughed softly. "Hey, it's not so bad, just relax." He swayed gently side-to-side, looking damn pleased with himself as he reached past to gently pet the camel's hump.

Kyo still clung to Die's arm, glad when they had reached the mid-point of the trail and he was starting to see the platform again. "It's not bad... but a once-in-a-lifetime experience, for sure. I'm not doing this again. I'm a tiny man and I like it when my head is not this far from the ground, especially when there's a spitting, fat-backed beast in between me and it."

Die snickered softly. "Okay, well... now you can say in some interview you've ridden a camel and you hated it. Then you'll seem more bad-ass."

As they neared the platform, Die noticed a group of girls who were all rather... neon. None of their clothing matched and they looked like they'd robbed a dollar store for their jewelry and makeup. He winced a bit. "Jesus fuck..." he commented.

Kyo laughed at the comment about seeming more bad-ass, leaning back into Die and readying himself to get off as soon as the platform was reachable. He noticed the girls, but kept his head down, figuring if he didn't make eye-contact, maybe they wouldn't notice, and he was probably being arrogant to assume they were dressed that way because of some Japanophilic inclinations, much less that they might know who he was. But it was always the same M.O. and they matched it well; stereotyped caricatures of Japanese fashion that he'd found typically had some sort of agenda with how much better they were or how evolved or fashionable, when, seeing the latest fashions regularly, he knew they were missing the mark rather terribly.

Taking the hand from the attendant to step down off the camel, he started past them, crossing his fingers.

It wasn't even two seconds after Kyo's feet hit the platform that one of the girls let out a rather ear-splitting squeal. Her Hamtaro backpack bounced up and down as she did, plastic bangles jingling. "Oh my gawd!" she squealed at the other girls, "It's Keeeeey-oh!" She immediately moved to block his ability to move down the narrow walkway, pulling her phone camera out of the depths of her leopard-print tights and pink plaid skirt, snapping pictures of him. "Keeeey-oh! You're my favorite singer and I love all the things you love and oh my gawd! I can't believe you're at the zoo! That's so super kawaiiiiiii!" She shoved her hand out at him. "You _have_ to give me your autograph!"

Die slipped off the camel, a sense of doom hanging over his head. The moment the girl squeed, he gave a rather obnoxious face of 'holy shit, that hurt' before reaching up and rubbing at his ear. "Oww." He didn't bother to be quiet about it, not in the least. The moment she started talking, he wanted to duct tape her mouth shut, but he kept that to himself for the time being, seeing how Kyo was going to deal with her. If he needed a body guard, he'd be it in a heartbeat and he thought that fact at him rather forcefully. _I will step between you and her if I need to, just tell me and I'll do it. Hell... I'll duct tape her ninety ways from Sunday if someone gives me a roll._

Kyo hardly heard any of it, walling himself off, shoulders hunching slightly and eyes downcast. He honestly got quite anxious around people and part of his cold, quiet exterior as an artist came from the necessity of such a tactic to function around groups of fans. His mouth became a tight, down-turned line, reaching into his pocket, coming up empty. Quietly, he muttered out in a soft voice, "I need a pen." He didn't want to be rude - correction, he wanted to be rude, but he did his best not to be. They were fans: they paid part of his rent, essentially. Whether they were slightly terrifying and rather obnoxious or not, it did no good to be rude, aside from being frigid. He'd sign whatever they wanted and maybe take one picture with the group, but he hoped they wouldn't push it any further than that. Already, he was getting rather annoyed with the camera clicking. "Put that down." His voice was quiet, but firm.

One of the girl's friends came up with a bright blue eyeliner pencil and stuck it out at him, another opening the girl's backpack and pulling out a notebook covered in puffy Hello Kitty stickers, handing that over as well, turned to a blank page. Other than that, the rest of the group was rather silent, one of them even looking about as uncomfortable as Kyo himself did. When Kyo asked that the phone be put down and the original girl didn't stop, the one in the back heaved out a pissed-off sigh, reaching forward and yanking it out of her hands. "Have a little fuckin' respect." With that, she shoved the phone in her own pocket and murmured, "Sorry, Kyo-san," to the vocalist before leaning back against the rail, looking embarrassed and more than a bit pissed.   
The original girl whined at her friend. "Mariaaa! Why'd you do that?"

"Shut up, get your notebook signed, and get out of his way. He's obviously not here for a concert, so leave him alone." She shook her head, looking like she was ready to melt into the ground and disappear.

Kyo stood, taking the items and signing the notebook, ears perked at the conversation, a slight smirk on his mouth. He handed the pencil and notebook back, walked over to the embarrassed girl, reaching into her pocket and taking out the phone, opening it, finding the camera button rather quickly and squeezing himself in beside her, taking a picture of them both, and handing it back. He glanced towards the rest of them with a quiet, "Bye, girls," going down walkway off the platform, hands in his pockets, humming _West Side Story_ a bit obviously.

The original girl managed to actually thank Kyo for the autograph before he was moving past her, Die right behind him. Die watched with a smirk on his face when Kyo took the phone from the girl and took a photo of him and the one he'd identified as Maria. She looked more shell-shocked than anything, though she managed a smile for the picture. Maria thanked him quietly, holding the phone tightly in her grasp, watching him go with wide eyes.

Die smiled at her, reaching to pat her shoulder as he passed, his silent way of thanking her for not being obnoxious to Kyo. When he caught what Kyo was humming, he let out a tiny chuckle, heading down after his friend.

Kaoru walked over to them with an eyebrow raised. 

Die offered a quiet, “Sorry about that,” once they were out of earshot.

Kyo waved it off, walking back towards the central point of the zoo ahead, where the tram would take them back to the gardens, where they were parked. "It's not your fault, it happens. It's rare here, but not impossible. And... I mean, it's uncomfortable, I'm not really a people person, and I mean, fuck, I thought I was being attacked by Rainbow Brite on acid, but, my fans are my income. Gotta play nice."

Die let out a half strangled-laugh, shaking his head. "Fuck, it _was_ like Rainbow Bright on acid, wasn't it?" He snickered. "I used to have one of those a long time ago..." he shook the thought away. "But at least that Maria chick wasn't bad, yeah?"

Kyo licked his lips, chuckling. "She seemed like the only genuine one of the bunch, I wonder how she stands the rest."

Die shrugged. "Probably feels like those are the only friends she can get. That age in a girl's life is... difficult." He winced a little, knowing that one from personal experience.

Kaoru put his arm around Die, hugging his waist. "Aaaw, baby. I remember my sister at that age. She was always really lonely because she was pretty, but too smart for the pretty girls, and too pretty for the smart girls."

Die made a face. "Yeah, I can imagine." He shook his head a little.

Kaoru kept his arm around Die, Kyo waiting beside them in the line of people for the tram. "This has been fun."

Kyo gave a little smile, nodding.

Die nodded. "Yeah, except that last bit."

Kyo shrugged. "I'll deal. It happens all the time in Japan. ...Though there is something kind of creepier about the American fans sometimes. Especially those, where I feel like an accessory to their fashion, not an actual musical interest."

Die snorted. "You mean like pushy girl back there. Yeah... seriously."

He nodded, giving a little shrug. "I hate talking shit, I feel bad. I really shouldn't." He fell quiet and thought up a new topic. "So... it's only one, we don't need to be at the airport until six, what will we do in between?"

Die cleared his throat a little, a faint blush on his cheeks. He'd thought they knew what they were gonna do, but he supposed maybe Kyo was baiting Kaoru into an answer, so he stayed quiet.

Kaoru blinked a bit at Die's reaction. "If I know my lover at all, and I do, apparently we're sending you away with a goodbye threesome."

Die blushed even brighter, but gave a little hopeful look at Kaoru.

A dark look passed over Kyo's face and he turned to watch the tram come into view with rapt, feigned interest. Kaoru squeezed Die's waist. "For you."

Die honestly didn't miss the look on Kyo's face and it confused him more than anything. But he didn't say anything, just boarded the tram when it arrived, sitting with his hands in his pockets, feeling a bit like a child who was told they were going home and wouldn't get any dessert with dinner, though he wasn't really sure why he felt that way.

Kaoru looked at him sitting tensely beside him, frowning a little. He reached out and rubbed his knee. "Babe? You never get brooding when sex is mentioned. What's up?"

Die gave a little start when Kaoru touched him, having been off in lala-land. "Ah... nothin'." He shrugged a bit. "Feel a little weird, that's all."

Kaoru leaned in, giving his cheek a lingering kiss, Kyo watching the zoo go by as they head back across the river and up to the top of the hill to the gardens. "Mm. Did I read you wrong before?" That would certainly have been embarrassing to assume Die wanted to send Kyo off with sex, and be wrong.

Die opened his mouth, ready to say no, but he glanced at Kyo again, wondering just what was on his mind. After a moment, he shook it off. Kyo had asked if he could fuck Kaoru. That was certainly sex. It hadn't even been Die's idea. Shaking his head a little, he murmured, "No, you didn't."

"Okay, then." He scooted a little closer to Die, kissing his cheek again. When they pulled up to the loop at the top of the path, the tram stopped and Kaoru got off after Kyo, extending a hand to Die with a soft smile.

Die climbed off last, taking Kaoru's hand, still feeling like there was something odd hovering in the air between them all. Who knew, maybe it was just the blues because Kyo was going away. Die just wasn't sure.

Kyo walked ahead of them, going back through the garden and over the tree-top bridge, going under one of the huge hanging baskets and into the parking lot towards Kaoru's car. 

Kaoru pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors with the remote, letting go of Die's hand and getting in, cranking it up. "So, home and sex?" 

Kyo chuckled from the back of the car, nodding.

Die started to say they needed to stop by a drug store, but he remembered he had more lube than the one they'd run out of and he just made a mental note to get it out of the drawer when they got home. Maybe the strawberry flavored or something. He flopped into the car and nodded. "Yup."

Kaoru drove back home, reaching to hold Die's hand, eyes flicking to Kyo in the rear view, watching him stare out the window, his obvious want to stay longer palpable inside the car. "It'll be nice, seeing you on your own turf soon," he offered. A little smile pulled at Kyo's lips and he nodded.

"Yeah, then you can drag us around rather than us dragging you around." Die turned his head back to look at Kyo, grinning at him.

Kyo’s smile got wider, but there was a slight sadness in his eyes.   
**To Be Continued…**


	45. Chapter 44

Kaoru pulled into the neighborhood and up to the back of the house, getting out and going to unlock the door, slipping off his shoes and toeing them into a cubby. He opened the door to find Makoto sitting in the kitchen, staring at him, tail wagging, and a little puddle of pee beside him. He sighed, stepping in, putting his keys on the counter, and grabbing some paper towels, patting the puppy's head as he leaned down. "At least you did it on something we can clean easy. Pretty soon you're going to be outside when we're gone, little guy."

Die followed in, making a face. "Well... at least no poop," he murmured, "though... I think I will take him out back for that, just so that doesn't happen." He found the leash and attached it to the little dude's collar, leaving his bag on the counter as he lead him out back, down the steps and out into the yard.

Kyo went to use the restroom and put his phone on the charger, coming back out and helping himself to a glass of wine. 

Kaoru stepped onto the back porch, lighting a clove, watching Die with the dog with a soft smile on his face.

The puppy did his business near the bushes and then started swatting at a cabbage butterfly. Die had to laugh. "Do we have a dog or a cat, Kaoru?"

Kaoru chuckled, smoking half his cigarette then putting it out, leaning it in the ashtray for later. "A dog that might think he's a cat. Transspecies?" He gave a dorky grin at his hopefully-a-little-funny joke, waiting for Die to come back inside. The weed from earlier was fueling his sex drive and he was ready to start being touched in some form or fashion.

Die laughed. "Fits the household then." He gently picked the pup up, putting him on the deck. "Should I pick up the poo or leave it?"

Kaoru shrugged. "It's the yard, and by the bush. It'll fertilize it." Makoto walked into the house, waiting at the end of the leash for Die to follow.

Die shrugged. "Okie dokie." He headed up the steps, kicked off his shoes and then let Makoto off the leash, pulling a face. "Christ... my feet stink. I'll be in the bathroom. Why don't you and Kyo get all riled up while I take a quick shower?"

Kyo nearly spit his wine back into his glass, coughing a little once he had the mouthful down, watching Die go into the bathroom, the puppy going over to his bed. 

Kaoru closed the back door and locked it, looking at Kyo with a brow raised, then at the closed bathroom door. Slowly, he walked over to Kyo, pressing him up against the counter he was leaning on. 

Die didn't even wait on an answer, just going into the bathroom and closing the door, quickly stripping down and going about washing off, humming to himself in the shower. About halfway through washing, he let his eyes drift closed, a smirk on his face. He allowed his mind to drift over what they probably looked like together, how they were probably starting at kissing and then moving forward. Just the image gave him shivers of pleasure.

Kyo looked up at him and blindly put his wine glass down, leaning up as Kaoru leaned down, meeting each other in a kiss. It was tongue and teeth, but slow, Kaoru lifting Kyo up onto the counter so that they would be more on level. After a moment, Kyo pulled away, listening to the shower in the other room. "Is it weird?"

Kaoru panted slightly. "Yeah. Kissing someone else. I'm fine, though." 

The blonde gave a nod and dove back in, hands tangled in Kaoru's long, dark hair.

Kaoru started grinding against Kyo, fitting their hips together, hard-ons rubbing pleasantly, teasingly through jeans. 

Kyo growled, biting the older man's lip. "He'd better have been serious about the quick shower; if he takes forever, we're starting the good part without him." 

Kaoru laughed, shaking his head a little before ducking down to suck at Kyo's neck.

Die finished up a few minutes later, kind of hoping some clothing was on the floor, if not them being naked. Either way, he'd take it. He dried off and then padded out of the shower, completely naked and utterly unashamed for once.

Kyo had his hands up the back of Kaoru's shirt, clawing lightly at his skin, legs wrapped around his waist, both of them getting fairly vocal with each other, growling and moaning, ready for more, but mentally stuck without Die there to call the shots, despite their talk. It felt odd, felt like cheating, to be doing something exclusively together without the redhead even being in the room. When the bathroom door opened, Kyo pulled Kaoru's shirt off completely, throwing it across the kitchen, followed by his own. His eyes didn't leave Kaoru's river-silt ones as he spoke to Die, "You said you wanted to blow us both first, right?"

Die let out an appreciative moan at the sight. They were gorgeous together like that, that was for damn sure. "Mmm... damn fuckin' right, I do," he murmured, coming over to them and running hands down their shoulders. "Follow me." He crooked his finger, the action following the sultry voice very well, as he moved off to the bedroom, sinking to his knees, his back against the bed, eyes hungry and waiting.

Kaoru backed away from the counter, Kyo hopping down and beating him to the bedroom, standing in front of Die with an almost cruel glint to his eyes as he wasted no time and opened his jeans, stroking himself lazily. Kaoru bit his lip, standing next to him, watching his veiny hand over his thick cock, rubbing his own through his pants.

Die watched Kyo, his eyes dark with want before his gaze turned to Kaoru. He gave him a sultry look. "Come on, baby... give me your dick. I want 'em both." His hands came out, gently rubbing down both men's thighs, pushing back up and then pulling back down as he breathed out with a soft shudder of arousal.

Kaoru opened his jeans and freed himself, rubbing his thumb across the head. 

Kyo shifted slightly closer to Die, the cold glint in his gaze growing more frigid even as the heat in his blood reached near boiling. _You're such a little slut_ , he thought to him lovingly.

Die chuckled softly. _Damn right, I am._ He licked his lips, leaving a good amount of saliva behind as he moved his hands in, grasping both of their dicks, pushing their hands away so he could stroke them properly. Moaning softly, he took his time before finally leaning in and licking over the head of Kaoru's dick, sucking it into his mouth and coating it real well with saliva. A moment later, he was doing the same to Kyo, having to work a bit more at it before he was satisfied, steering both men by their dicks to come closer, touching them together and starting to lick at them both, alternately sucking on the hard flesh he was offered.

Kaoru's eyes rolled back in his head, his lover an expert at such things, especially in how to please him, specifically. 

Kyo just smirked, watching Die work, giving little hums and groans, noticing how Kaoru wouldn't look down at their cocks together. He congratulated himself on not laughing. _I think he's having a size issue. It's honestly kind of funny. His dick's too pretty to care about it being average size. ...ooh, that felt good, do that again._ The blonde's eyes slipped shut and he bucked slightly into Die's mouth.

 _Insecure sometimes... damn... he should know I love his dick._ His eyes flicked up to Kyo as he swirled his tongue around the head again and slowly probed the slit with his tongue before sucking rather vigorously again and then popping off, stroking Kyo and going to Kaoru, giving him the same treatment. He could actually feel his thighs start to dampen and he moaned around Kaoru's dick, starting to envision how it'd feel to have them both blow their loads all over his face, the idea making him even hornier.

Kaoru panted quietly, eyes closed, hand slipping to the back of Die's head, just holding it. "Aah, baby..." 

Kyo had not missed Die's little fantasy, hoping Kaoru would be able to keep it up so they could roll right on to other things. He started thrusting his hips into Die's hand while the redhead sucked his lover off, trying to work his way closer to the edge, seeing Kaoru was already almost there.

Die sucked hard and fast on Kaoru's dick, his hand jerking Kyo off frantically. He alternated at a speed that should have been confusing, though it was somehow fluid, sucking one and jerking the other off, his own desire to be cum on growing with every second. _Oh god, cum on me, both of you, please!_ he begged Kyo, knowing he could pass it on, desperate to not have to stop to voice his desires.

When Kaoru heard Kyo's voice in his head telling him to cum on Die's face, it was all he needed to be over the edge, pulling back from Die's mouth and shooting a sticky, hot load across his lover's nose and cheeks, Kyo watching and following after, most of his cum getting in Die's hair. _Sorry._

The moment he felt Kaoru's dick start to pulse, he moaned, closing his eyes and tilting his head back, his mouth open as he reveled in the hot stickiness splattering over his face. Before he knew it, Kyo was cumming, too, and he just couldn't stop moaning, rejoicing in it with the most aroused and pleased look on his face ever. Not even opening his eyes, he slid his hands onto his own body, pulling at his nipple with one hand as the other slid down to cup his lady-dick, two fingers dipping into his slit. It wasn't even three pushes later and he was cumming, letting out a sharp cry, his head hitting the bed as his entire body was wracked with the orgasm.

Kaoru and Kyo sagged against each other to stay upright, Kyo grabbing Kaoru's cock and stroking. "You. Stay hard. I want you to fuck me." Kaoru groaned as if to say, "I don't wanna!" but his erection wasn't dying. He looked at Die, covered in cum, and grinned. "Feel better, tiger?"

Finally, Die opened his eyes, looking at them both with a look that was almost drunken with how satisfied he was. He gave a little nod and then let his butt plop down on the ground, slicking up the cum from his face, licking it from his fingers with a pleased look.

Kyo leaned down, pushing Kaoru towards the bed while he reached with the other hand and put it under Die's chin, lifting his head, pecking his lips softly. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, pour yourself a big glass of wine, then come back and enjoy the show, hmm?"

Die let out a purr of contentment, nodding a little. After a moment, he managed to get to his feet, wobbling off to the bathroom on jelly legs, cleaning up downstairs and then reaching for his face and hair, chuckling softly as he examined the damage. After a moment's contemplation, he went to get his phone and came back in, posing in front of the mirror, taking pictures of the cum on his face and in his hair, giving the mirror sultry looks. Grinning, he closed the phone and then washed up before going to the kitchen and pouring himself some wine, just as Kyo had suggested.

Kyo watched Die go, then turned on Kaoru, pushing him further onto the bed. 

Kaoru had a stunned look in his eyes, but went along, afraid to do anything else. There was a look in Kyo's gaze that said if he didn't cooperate, there would be serious repercussions.

The blonde crawled up onto the bed, Kaoru situating himself while Kyo reached into Die's bedside table and quickly found lube and a condom, throwing them at the older man. "I don't need much prep. If you don't hurry up and fuck me, I'm gonna punch you, anyway." 

Kaoru gaped for a moment, not sure how to react to such a blunt and threatening statement, fumbling with the lube and condom, having the rubber on by the time Kyo had spread himself out on the bed, legs splayed apart. Lubing two fingers, Kaoru pushed them into Kyo, the hiss of pain from the other bleeding into a sound of pleasure.

As soon as he'd poured the wine, Die went back to the bedroom, cell phone in hand and quietly settled himself on the floor beside the bed. He thought that had a better view of what was going on, plus if he got too riled up, he could always touch a little from here. Taking a languid sip of wine, he put the glass down between his crossed legs, his eyes entirely on the two men in front of him.

Kyo smiled at him for a moment before being sucked back into Kaoru scissoring fingers inside him. Heeding Kyo's request - or warning - Kaoru didn't waste much time, wiping his fingers on the hem of his jeans, slung halfway off the bed, and scooting up between the blonde's skinny legs, positioning himself against Kyo's entrance. The singer put his hands at the back of Kaoru's shoulders, opening up to him, letting out a long moan, eyes falling shut and head relaxing back against the pillow as Kaoru slid into him. The older man gritted his teeth for a moment at the tightness. It was clear Kyo didn't do this very often, but he seemed comfortable, pulling Kaoru against him, shifting under him as Kaoru started to move as though they had been lovers for years, each touch tender and intense, laughing softly as Kaoru swung his hair over one shoulder and brushed it across his chest, touching the strands and murmuring to him that they felt so soft.

Die watched, his head tilted slightly to the side. Part of him really wondered if he was going to find out what exactly Kaoru wanted from things, though in reverse, through this. Maybe he would... who knew. Already he could see the differences, the comments about the hair, the ease they seemed to fall into with one another. In a way, it was disconcerting, but on another level it was wholly fascinating. He lifted the glass to his lips and took another sip from it.

Kyo's hands wandered over Kaoru's back, up and down his arms, his touches firm and thorough. He made the most involved, uninhibited sounds, his sighs and moans throaty and impassioned. Kaoru kissed down his neck and put a hand in his blonde hair, tugging slightly, meeting him in a kiss, tongue fighting between them while Kyo planted his feet into the mattress to get more leverage to meet Kaoru's thrusts, rolling and grinding his hips, hard again. They touched each other all over, laughing at teeth knocking together or sudden, unexpected noises, at nothing. 

Kaoru found himself surprised how easily they clicked like this, having had a dirty, quick fuck the first time it had just been the two of them, though he supposed it made sense, seeing as their birthdays were back-to-back, that maybe their personalities were much more similar than they thought.

The longer Die watched, the more aroused he got, but there was also this little flare of jealousy. Surprisingly it wasn't that Kaoru was fucking Kyo. Rather it was about how they seemed to mesh together so well, the way they moved and melded. It was like watching age-old lovers rather than two men who'd fucked a handful of times. Squishing the jealousy down, he tried to focus on what made them mesh like that, what connected them so closely.

Slowly, the sex became rougher, Kaoru biting more, Kyo digging his nails in. It wasn't so much about getting off as enjoying the ride, teasing each other and joking, stopping at points to just laugh at each other making faces and trying to be sexy and ending up being funny. When Kaoru paused for what was apparently too long, Kyo raised one long, broad hand and slapped him smartly across the face. The room felt so silent it was screaming for a tense second, and then Kaoru started thrusting again, violently, quickly, making Kyo moan louder, wrapping one hand in the other's dark hair and pulling, hard.

Die's mouth fell open when Kyo's hand connected with Kaoru's face. He couldn't even believe that that had just happened. But when Kaoru took up thrusting harder, Die arched an eyebrow. Well... that was certainly... confusing. He wasn't sure if it was meant to be kinky or what. Raising his glass to his lips, he swallowed down the rest of the wine and put the cup aside on the dresser, watching attentively.

Kaoru's back arched, shouting at Kyo yanking on his hair, his hips snapping into the smaller man until in a seemingly unexpected moment, they were both cumming, clawing and grabbing at one another, Kyo shooting across his stomach, Kaoru filling the condom between them. Kaoru's hips slowed, then stopped, panting over Kyo before pulling out and rolling onto his back beside the singer. 

Die watched, moaning softly when they both came. It was beautiful and glorious. 

Kyo's fingers found Kaoru's and laced with them, squeezing for a moment. "That was amazing..." he let out in a dreamy, exhausted voice.

Kaoru grunted his agreement, then, in a low growl, "Don't ever fucking hit me again."

Kyo winced, holding Kaoru's hand a little tighter. "Sorry..."

Die winced a bit, shifting quietly and laying on the floor, his hands behind his head while he stared up at the ceiling, giving them their moment together. He bit his lip a little.

They both laid in silence, panting and coming down. After several minutes, Kaoru rolled off the bed, removing the condom and tying it off, tossing it into the trash can by the bed before padding off, the shower heard turning on. 

Kyo pushed himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, grabbing some tissues to mop himself up and toeing Die inside the side. "Hey... you alright?"

Die glanced up at Kyo, studying him. "Yeah, I'm fine." He shifted to sit up, studying Kyo closely for a moment. "You two clicked really easily."

Kyo's shoulders lifted up to his ears, then dropped, his eyelids heavy. "We're a lot alike, have similar personalities, views on romance, spirituality... and we both love you. Somewhere in the middle it just worked." He gave another little shrug. "For a while, I got to pretend I had someone that really loved me like that, that was devoted to me." He leaned forward and kissed Die sweetly. "So long as I ignored him thinking about you." He offered a little smile and stood up, taking Die's glass and limping into the kitchen, pouring them both more wine.

Die listened to him and then watched him go, his mind slightly confused around the edges. After a minute though, he got up and followed after him, standing there awkwardly before he grabbed him and pulled him close, kissing him deeply for a moment before letting him go. "I'm gonna miss you something awful... you know that... right?"

Kyo gave a soft moan, kissing Die back. When he pulled away and spoke, his mouth immediately pulled down, lip trembling. "I mean it, if you make me cry, I'll punch you."

Die tugged him close. "There's no one to see you except me and Kaoru, sweetie. It's okay to cry at home."

Kyo shook his head, pulling away, the closeness making the knot in his throat tighten. "No. I hate crying. I was raised by monks, Die; when you cried, you got blasted with the water hose. Brings back memories, I hate doing it."

Die frowned softly at him, reaching to stroke his cheek. "Maybe if you let it go and someone held you instead, you'd have different memories of it."

Kyo gripped Die's arms hard, looking up at him, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Please. Don't make me cry."

"Well... be warned... I'm gonna be crying like a baby when you leave. There's just no way around that one."

Kyo nodded, glad when Kaoru came out of the bathroom, quickly going in and locking the door, starting a shower for himself. 

Kaoru gave the closed door a confused look, then looked at Die, towel around his waist.

Die gave Kyo a sad look as he left. "I made him almost cry. It gives him bad memories," he murmured, tugging his lover close to him by the waist, leaning in to gently kiss him.

Kaoru put one arm around Die's neck, kissing him back. He purred a little before pulling away, crooking his finger for Die to follow him into the bedroom to talk while he got dressed. "How exactly did you manage that?"

"Told him I was gonna miss him," he replied honestly. "I think it's worse because we're his only friends, you know?"

Kaoru dried off a bit more with the towel before dropping it into the hamper, pulling out some soft cotton pajama pants. He frowned a little at Die's words, nodding. "Yeah... I guess so. But, we'll probably see him again in another month or so, and again after that with the tour? We'll figure things out."

Die moved around, finding most of his clothing from earlier, changing the underwear and shirt out for fresh ones and then getting dressed. "I'm gonna end up blubbering at the airport, I just know it. I don't really handle goodbyes well." He gave Kaoru a look. "I'm glad we're going to Japan together or that would be angst-land at the airport."

Kaoru grinned a little, pulling on a t-shirt. He yanked Die close by the belt loop and kissed him. "It would only be for about a week. I think we could handle, what, eight, nine days apart?" He kissed him again. "We made it through those three months somehow..." Pulling back slightly, he looked up at Die, his eyes serious. "When all that happened... you said that, you wanted me to get clean so you could have your Kaoru back..." He bit his lip slightly. "So... is he back?"

Die studied him carefully and then nodded. "Yeah... my Kaoru's back." He smiled, leaning in to kiss him gently. "And he better stay back, baby, cause I don't wanna lose him again."

Kaoru couldn't really say anything, afraid to get too emotional; when his lover had first told him that, it had cut him wide open, and deep. The single phrase had kept his will-power strong to stay clean and he hoped to never hear such an implication again. Instead, he just laid his head on Die's shoulder, breathing in his scent.

Die folded him into his arms, kissing at his shoulder and neck gently. " _My_ Kaoru," he whispered softly, a smile on his lips. It had hurt him to say it when he had, but he'd spoken the truth... a truth that Kaoru had needed to hear in order to clean up his act.

Kaoru squeezed him, rocking him slightly. "Mm, I hope I'll always be yours."

"I hope so, too, baby," Die murmured softly, kissing his shoulder again. "I love you."

Kaoru stayed holding Die for a while before he patted him on the ass, pulling away and going into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and an apple out of the fridge, leaning on the counter while he ate it. Makoto wandered over, just looking up at him with curious green eyes.

Die watched Kaoru wander off, his head tilted a little. As much as he said it didn't bother him, sometimes it did when Kaoru didn't return his I love yous. He shook it off and moved to finish getting ready. Once he was done, he gathered up the little black bag with what he'd bought Kyo in it and went to sit in the living room, nervously waiting on Kyo to come out of the shower.

Kaoru finished his apple before looking curiously at Makoto, breaking off a little bit left around the core and offering it to the little dog, who ate it quickly and happily, seeming to enjoy it. "You like fruit, huh? You got that from your daddy," he teased, rubbed the little ears before going to the porch to put the remaining core in the compost bin.

Kyo finished up his shower, drying off and wringing out his hair, getting all his toiletries together and into their own bag, walking out to the guest room in just a towel, packing up everything he wasn't going to be taking on the plane with him and then getting dressed. When he was done, he dried his hair a little more before pulling it into a ponytail, going into the living room and settling down gently beside Die, looking at him almost apologetically.

Die smiled when Kyo came in and sat down, holding out the bag to him. "Call it a going away gift."

Kyo gave a watery smile, peeking into the bag. He pulled out a package of gummy orange slice candies, grinning. "Yay! I hate the peanuts they give out on the flights." He pulled out a small box next, with a barbell in it with a silver skull as one of the balls, rubies for eyes. He couldn't help but slowly chuckle, leaning in to hug Die. "You just can't leave my dick be, can you?"

Die blushed. "No, I'm afraid I can't. I saw that when I was looking for a new ring for my piercing and I couldn't resist. It just screamed 'buy me for Kyo!' so I did." He hugged his friend back, kissing the top of his head. "Hope it's the right gauge."

Kyo nodded, giving a little shrug. "It looks around right." 

Kaoru came in and sat on the arm of the couch next to Die, rubbing his shoulder. 

Kyo checked his watch. "Do you mind if I make a sandwich or something real quick? We should probably be heading out soon."

Die nodded. "Go for it. Whatever you want from the fridge is yours." He smiled, reaching up to gently pat Kaoru's leg.

Kyo nodded, getting up and rummaging through the kitchen. 

Kaoru slid down into Die's lap, just lounging on him. 

After a moment, Kyo came back with a plate, some of the chicken Kaoru had made the day before for lunch pulled apart and put on a sandwich with bean sprouts and feta cheese. He sat down and looked at Makoto, who had followed him from the kitchen. "Can I give him a piece of chicken?" 

Kaoru shrugged, giving a small nod. 

Kyo pulled a little piece of meat from his sandwich and handed it to the dog, who came forward to sniff it, then took it from the singer's hand, chewing loudly before plopping down on the floor beside the couch.

Die giggled at the puppy, his arms around Kaoru's waist. "Silly, pup. All smackin' his lips and shit." Still grinning, he patted the couch. "C'mere, Makoto, come on, baby."

Makoto's ears perked and he lifted his head, looking at Die. For a moment he just stared, not sure what to do, then go up, walking over to stand looking up at the redhead. 

Kaoru raised a brow. "I know it's cute now, but do we really want to teach him to get on the couch when he's going to be a big dog in the not-so-distant future?"

Die shrugged a little. "It's either that or we sit in the floor to pet the dog." He paused, looking up at Kaoru, wondering which way they were gonna go with this. Cause he'd sit on the floor if he needed to.

Kaoru reached down and picked Makoto up, holding him in his lap. "Well, holding him is one thing. I just don't want to teach him to always be jumping up on the couch." He rubbed the sleek grey fur, Makoto nosing against Die's chest.

Die nodded a bit, reaching for the pup, gently stroking over his head and his ears. He loved those ears to death, he really did. "Pretty puppy, aren't you? Yes you are."

Kaoru chuckled, Kyo curling up with his sandwich and watching them. The little tail wagged and he stood up in Kaoru's lap, his whole back end shaking, pushing his head up into Die's hands with little pleased noises.

"Such a little attention whore, just like meeee," Die let out, chuckling, leaning down to gently peck the dog on the head. "Cutiepie."

Kyo picked up a piece of chicken that had fallen from the sandwich and popped it into his mouth. "Better look out, Kaoru, looks like you have some competition."

Kaoru laughed, scratching the puppy just above his wagging tail. "Aaaw, it's alright, as long as he shares."

Die chuckled. "I always share. Dunno about him, let's hope." He scritched the dog fondly before patting him on the head and then gently tugging his little tail.

Kyo smiled a little, finishing his sandwich and getting up to rinse the plate, putting it in the dish washer. He then went into the bedroom and idiot-checked, moving his suitcase and his carry-on out into the parlor. 

Kaoru got out of Die's lap, going to put on a pair of jeans instead of his pajamas, moving Makoto into Die's lap.

Die sat there with the puppy, cooing at him and petting his little head like crazy. He ended up lying on the couch with the puppy on his chest, gently holding his ears out. "Wooonder puppyyyyyy," he sang out.

Kaoru laughed from the bedroom, Kyo coming around to sit at Die's feet, a little smirk on. Makoto just took the treatment, panting slightly and looking content. Kaoru came back into the living room and huffed a sigh, looking at Kyo. "I guess we should probably get going, huh?" 

The blonde gave a little nod, standing again and going to get his bags, all his shoes packed away except for a pair of flip-flops, which he slid on once he was on the porch. 

Die grinned sheepishly, putting the dog's ears down. Sometimes he couldn't keep the silly down inside. But at the mention of having to go to take Kyo to the airport, he frowned, gently putting the puppy on the floor before sitting up and watching sadly while Kyo went about finishing his packing.

Kaoru grabbed his keys and took the suitcase from Kyo, putting it in the trunk of his car, Kyo lingering at the door and looking into the house, feeling like he was forgetting something and feeling pretty sure it was Die. The tightness in his throat started again and he forced it down. "Come on, babe."

Die swallowed a bit, going and getting on flip-flops and then taking Kyo's other bags out to the car, loading them in. It took him a few moments while he stood there, trying hard not to cry, his hands on the trunk and his head bowed.

Kyo slipped into the front seat, buckling in and just sitting in the quiet car while Kaoru stood with Die for a minute, rubbing his back. "You'll be okay. Come on, sugar."

"He's gonna be gone." Die looked up at Kaoru, wiping away a few tears and then taking in a shaky breath and going to get into the car.

Kaoru frowned, rubbing his lover's arm. "I know, baby. It'll be okay." He sighed and got in the car, starting it and backing out into the alley, heading towards the interstate to get to the airport. 

Kyo was silent, hands in his lap.

Die sat in the backseat, his head bowed for a long time before he reached up, trying to get Kyo's hand, wanting the connection before he left.

Kyo bit his lip, hard, reaching to take Die's fingers in his own, toying at them nervously. He couldn't speak, wouldn't know what to say if he could. Instead, he just stayed quiet, playing with Die's long fingers and fighting the urge to break down.

Die wrapped his fingers around the other man's, squeezing gently before loosening his grip and letting him play with his fingers. Every once in a while, he reached up to wipe away a few stray tears from his cheeks.

Kaoru let them stay quiet, figuring this wasn't really his place, driving to the airport and pulling up in front at the drop-off, leaving the car running as he got out and grabbed Kyo's bags from the trunk. 

Kyo let go of Die's hand and got out, taking his carry-on and pulling the handle on his bright green luggage. He reached out and hugged Kaoru, both of them exchanging a few words before Kaoru pulled away, looking over at Die. "Call me when you're coming out, I'll come back around and pick you up." He gave him a look that he hoped would give him some strength and got back in the car, pulling off to let other cars pull up. 

Die got out, stuffing his hands in his pockets while he tried not to fall apart. Shifting awkwardly from foot-to-foot, he watched Kaoru and Kyo talk. He'd just shifted toward Kyo when Kaoru just got in and drove off. He gave him an odd look, assuming he was to call Kaoru when he got Kyo settled at the security check point.

Kyo sniffed a little and pulled his luggage behind him, heading into the airport and towards a counter to check his bag.

Die followed after Kyo, waiting off to the side while the other went to do the bag check, not wanting to get in the way. 

Once he was done, Kyo came back, nodding his head in the direction of the gate, walking with a little drag in his step, carry-on over his shoulder. When they reached the security point, he turned to Die, lips pursed. "Thanks... for letting me come stay with you guys. It was a nice escape." He offered a tiny smile, shifting around nervously. "I'll see you in a month or two, I guess?" He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and his head swam a little.

Die walked alongside him, stopping when he did. For a long moment, he just stood there and then finally, he stepped forward, tugging Kyo into his arms. "Don't thank me, just... come back again." He buried his nose against Kyo's neck, his body trembling some before he finally started to fully cry, sobbing into Kyo's shoulder. "I-I'm gonna m-miss you," he whispered in a choked-up voice.

At first, Kyo felt tense, uncomfortable, like he wanted to just run. But when Die pressed his face against his neck and began to sob, something in him broke, his arms flinging around the other and clutching onto him, hiding his face against Die's shoulder and gasping in a breath past a tight throat, letting out a loud sob. He couldn't explain why he was so upset by leaving, he knew they'd keep in touch, knew they'd see each other again - and soon. But the idea of having really, finally, spent time with Die, something that had made their distant friendship seem real, and to now be leaving him felt like a jagged spike in his heart. He squeezed his eyes shut and just held onto Die, crying himself into a shaky mess.

Die clung to Kyo until he didn't have the energy to even cry anymore. Shakily, he shifted back enough to fish out tissues, handing one to Kyo as discreetly as possible before he used the other, mopping his face up and blowing his nose. With a little sound, he sniffled a bit and then pulled Kyo in for a more reasonable hug. "We'll visit as much as we can... right?"

Kyo took the tissue, wiping rather violently at his face, nodding into the hug. "Yeah, even if I have to fly your ass out to Japan to see me if it gets too long in between." 

Die hugged tight before he let him go. "Better," he murmured, stepping back. Rubbing his eyes, he sniffled softly.

An announcement from the gate called for boarding of a flight and Kyo sighed. "That's me. I've gotta go." He pulled back and sniffed, his eyes red and puffy, feeling like he was going to cry again. "I'll call you when I land." With that, he turned on his heel and walked through the security check, keeping his head down, shoulders tense. He didn't look back, couldn't, just walked until he was around the corner and queuing up to get on his flight.

The moment Kyo turned around, Die broke down again, having to sit down on a bench to sob. An old woman asked him if he was okay, holding out a package of tissues to him. He took them and nodded. "Thank you... my friend left."

Kyo cried behind a pair of sunglasses as he got through the line and onto the flight, glad as the small plane filled up that no one was sat beside him. Before he had to turn off his cellphone, he pulled up a last text to Die, sending it off while his bottom lip trembled and his hands shook. _I miss you already. Left a gift for you on the bookshelf. No returns._

Die left the bench after a while, going to the bathroom and washing his face. He was on the way back out when Kyo texted him and he returned the text to him. _I miss you, too. Something awful. I'd never return a gift you gave me._ He sniffed, sending off the text, and then calling Kaoru as he made his way to the pick-up area.

Kaoru had been doing aimless circles around the parking lot while he waited for Die, already heading towards the pick-up area before he answered the call. "Hey, baby. I'm coming back to get you right now. You doing alright?"

Die was quiet for a minute after his initial, “Hey,” into the phone. But when Kaoru asked him if he was okay, he let out a choked-sounding sob. "No," he informed. No use in lying about it.

Kaoru sighed, his heart hurting for Die. "Aw, babe... it's not like he's leaving forever, and you're not parting on bad terms. You'll see him again, sooner than you'll even notice."

Die pushed out the doors, fresh tears already streaming down his face as he searched for his car, seeing Kaoru and stepping to the curb. "I know," he murmured softly.

Kaoru leaned over, opening the passenger door and hanging up on the phone call, waiting for Die to get in and wondering if there was even anything he could do to help him cheer up.

Die slid into the car and closed the door, pulling on his seat belt. He let out a soft sob, stuffing tissues against his face.

Kaoru reached over and squeeze at the back of Die's neck, rubbing his hair. He frowned and just touched Die for a while, petting the back of his neck and then leaning over to kiss his temple before he focused back on driving, letting off the brake and pulling off, heading back home. He didn't prompt anything; if Die wanted to talk, he could talk when he was ready.

Die whimpered quietly for a while, finally pulling himself together a bit. He blew his nose again and then sniffed a bit. "I know it's dumb to cry... but... I can't help it."

Kaoru reached over, rubbing under Die's chin. "It's okay, pumpkin. I know it's still pretty sad." His hand dropped down to squeeze Die's knee. "Is there anything I can do? Comfort chocolate? Promises for cuddles?"

Die sniffled a bit. "I need cuddles... and a cake would be nice."

Kaoru gave a little chuckle, taking Die's hand and kissing the back of it. He took a roundabout way towards their neighborhood, pulling into a shopping center and up in front of a small bakery. He turned to Die, unbuckling. "What kind do you want? Or are you just up for anything sweet?"

"Something with filling," he murmured softly.

Kaoru just stared a little dumbly at Die for a moment, then nodded, getting out of the car and going into the bakery, talking with the woman behind the counter for a moment before trusting her judgment and walking out with a small buttercream iced chocolate cake with a raspberry custard filling. He came back out to the car and set the cake in its box in Die's lap before heading on towards the house.

Die sniffed at the cake, peering in the box when Kaoru brought it out. "Raspberry filling?" he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

Kaoru nodded, turning into the neighborhood and navigating through the narrow streets to the alley behind their house pulling up next to Die's car.

"Smells really good," he murmured, wiping his eyes a bit again. "I'm such a pansy," he murmured.

Kaoru stroked his cheek, cooing. "No you're not baby. It's okay, really! Now come on, let's get inside and get you a big slice of cake so I can cuddle you on the couch and maybe watch something funny to cheer you up, alright? How's that sound?"

Die nodded. "Yeah, sounds good." Die got out of the car and headed up the porch, opening the door and kicking off his shoes, going to put the cake on the counter before he headed into the bedroom to look at the bookshelf, finding two items there. He picked them both up, smiling softly as he took them into the front. He went to curl up on the couch. "Baby, Kyo left us something."

Kaoru was cutting Die a thick slice of cake, putting it onto a plate and bringing it to him with a tall glass of milk, setting both on the coffee table in front of Die and putting his arms around his lover. "Oh yeah? What is it?"

Die put his box aside gently and then showed Kaoru the envelope before he opened it and pulled out a check. He stared down at the check for $5000 with the memo line saying “For: a life together.” He bit his lip a little, showing Kaoru, tears in his eyes again. "He said no givsies backsies."

Kaoru had a face full of eyes, his jaw going slack. The check was made out to him, but anymore, their money was shared, anyway. "Holy fuck," he breathed out, staring at it. Other than that, he was literally speechless; for a young couple in their first place, five grand as a gift was an unfathomable amount of money, ripe with possibilities. Seeing what was written in the memo line, he felt tears come to his own eyes, arms winding around Die. "Wow..."

"Yeah... wow." Die blinked slightly and then reached for his cake in shock. "I... wow."

Kaoru took the check and set it down, still rather shocked. "I can't even process this right now. I'm just gonna... I'm gonna let it sit there for a while."

"I'm betting he'll bitch if we don't cash it and send cash instead. This is Kyo we're talking about." Die took a huge bite of cake and leaned back against Kaoru. "He got me that pretty little chest, too."

Kaoru laughed, leaning into Die's side. "Probably would." He looked at the little box with a soft smile. "It's nice."

Die nodded, offering a piece of cake to his lover.

Kaoru leaned forward and put his lips around the fork, sliding the bit of cake off before pecking Die's cheek, hugging onto him again.

Die went back to eating his cake, leaning into Kaoru's embrace. "Gonna be a bit before I get used to not having him around..." Probably only a few days, but still.

Kaoru hummed a little laugh, kissing Die's hair. "Baby, he wasn't even here a week." His fingers danced over Die's arm, cradling him without inhibiting his ability to still eat.

"I know... I just..." he sniffed a bit. "It was nice having a real friend who was here and not a zillion miles away. You know?"

Kaoru nodded, pressing his cheek to Die's hair. "Maybe once you've found a new job, you'll find some people you can spend time with? Go to bars, lunch, talk... something so you don't feel trapped with me all the time." He chuckled a little, rubbing his lover's side.

Die pouted a little. "I don't feel trapped with you, Kaoru. Never have. It's just... nice... to have someone outside of us."

"No, no! Baby, I know, it's good! I want you have other people to talk to, and go out some nights without me, have people you can vent to and have some space with, ya know? It's healthy." His fingers made circles against Die's ribs through his shirt, kissing his jaw.

Die let out a soft breath and then picked up his milk, taking a long drink from it before eating more of his cake. Once he'd swallowed, he spoke up again. "Yeah... you think so?"

"Well, yeah." Karou reached and wiped some frosting off the corner of Die's mouth, then sucked it off his thumb. "If we're always around each other, we're bound to get on each other's nerves by proximity alone. It's good, especially when we're living together, to have some space to ourselves now and again."

Die licked at the spot Kaoru cleaned the frosting off of, nodding a little. "Yeah, good point." He nuzzled back against his lover, finishing the last piece of cake from his plate and putting it down, picking up his milk instead. "I love you."

Kaoru smiled, giving Die a lingering kiss to his cheek, resting back more against the arm of the couch, pulling Die against him. After a long moment, he started speaking in a quiet voice, looking up at the ceiling, relaxed. "Do you ever give serious thought to us getting married? I mean, I'm not asking you to think about it, it's still a long way off if it ever happens, but... I mean, do you ever really imagine... what that would be like? I mean, calling you my husband..." He smiled, trailing off.

"Yeah, I do, actually. I mean, if we have kids then we should be married first. Otherwise it's a little weird."

Kaoru's eyes widened a bit in surprise, hand petting over Die's hair. "Wow. So you're really serious about kids?" He bit his lips, nuzzling closer. "You're really serious about _me_." He had never really doubted it before, but it became staggeringly clear now that Die was in it for the long haul, as well. "I want this to work so badly. I love you more than the world."

Die peered back at him, an odd look on his face for a moment. "Baby, I don't do things half-assed. It's all or nothing with me, you know that. I mean, I can't say I'm ready _now_ to go have kids and get married, but I do want it and I do think about it." He reached to take Kaoru's hand, squeezing it tightly. "If I weren't serious, I wouldn't be here."

Kaoru smirked at him, leaning in and kissing him softly, thumb stroking at his chin. "Mm. Good. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I hope that's a very long, happy, love-filled life."

Die beamed at him. "I hope so, too."

Slim hands pushed into red hair and Kaoru sighed happily, just cuddling his lover for a while. "It's nice outside, the sun's just setting. Do you wanna put Makoto on the leash and take a walk around the neighborhood? Maybe down to the river?"

Die nodded a little. "Sure," he murmured, sitting up and finishing his milk before standing, going to take the plate and glass to the kitchen.

Kaoru nodded, going to find the leash and his Polaroid, finding low light to actually be quite lovely with them. He hung it around his neck and attached the leash to Makoto's collar, going to the porch to put his sneakers on, waiting for Die.

Die rinsed the plate and cup out and then put them in the dishwasher, going to the bedroom and grabbing some socks. After tugging them on, he headed back to the porch and put on his tennis shoes. "Ready."

Kaoru took his hand and headed down the porch steps, across the little scrap of yard, and then up the brick steps into the streets, turning left and walking down the hill towards the back of the neighborhood. The air felt slightly cool and the light coming through the trees was golden and grey, the sun setting behind them. Makoto trotted along at the end of his leash, sniffing at things and looking around. Kaoru snapped a picture of him and held the photo while it developed, slipping it into his pocket, taking Die's hand again and tugging him close.

"Haven't seen a Polaroid in ages. Didn't even know you had one." Die smiled softly, tilting his head at his lover.

Kaoru shrugged slightly, holding the piece of equipment up. "Yeah, it's... it's definitely old. It's one of my first cameras. I've gotten lucky and have friends that have kept it in nice repair and modified it slightly to work with the newer Polaroid film. My first real art photos were taken with this." He actually blushed a bit, talking about it, realizing how long he'd had the camera. Biting his lip a little, he stepped away from Die and raised it, snapping another photo with the light catching the side of Die's face. The photo was spit out and he held onto it while he walked, letting it develop.

Die paused when Kaoru went to take a photo of him, trying not to change his pose or his expression. When it came out, he peered over at it. "You still need to show me more of your work."

Kaoru blushed more, handing Die the photo once it was done. "I've got boxes and boxes of it; a lot of my early stuff is with my parents." His hand slipped into Die's back pocket as they kept walking, turning down the street that was the far end of their neighborhood and walking down toward the cut-through to the river walk. "Actually... when I started to lose my vision, and we found out it was a tumor, my parents bought me a camera. They wanted me to have hope that I'd see again, and that when I did, I'd be able to look back at what I'd missed. So I carried it around everywhere, took thousands of pictures. If I heard birds, or my sister playing, or when my grandmother told me stories, I'd just hold it up in front of me and snap. When my vision came back, I went through all the pictures and realized that they were more than just markers of events... they really captured people, and moments, and emotions. So, that's where it all started, and I've hardly been able to put a camera down since."

Die actually felt tears come to his eyes at the story. He'd never known that about him and it was kind of something he would treasure. He took the photo in hand and realized this would be the first thing going in his box, the memory attached to of this moment.

Makoto started barking and tugging at the leash, Kaoru laughing at him and tugging back. A blue skink skittered across the gravel road cutting through the woods to the river walk and the puppy was excitedly trying to catch it, straining at the end of the leash.

Die watched the skink. "Awesomeeeee! Skinks hurt though, pup, don't go eating them."

Kaoru wrapped the leash around his hand so that Makoto couldn't get at, the puppy finally losing interest as he was tugged to move on, running up ahead to be leading the way.

Die chuckled. "That would have ended with a whining puppy, no doubt." He fanned the picture in the air, kicking a stone out of the pathway as they walked.

Kaoru walked down the hill to the observation deck over the river, Makoto poking his head through the rails to look down at the water lazily flowing. He sighed and leaned on his elbows against the rail, looking across the river to the city. "I really love being walking distance from this."

Die moved to lean against the rail next to him, staring out over the river. "Me, too. It makes it feel less like some huge, pointless city."

"Ha, yeah." Kaoru shifted around a little, getting closer to Die, his fingers playing along the other's arm. "I don't want to stay here forever, hell, before I met you I was seriously considering moving back to Japan, but... I like it."

Die glanced over at him. For a while when they'd first talked about Japan, he'd been severely against it. But now... with Kyo there and Kaoru obviously wanting to go back, he figured it could at least be on the options plate. "Still wanna go back?"

Kaoru shrugged, nudging Makoto with his foot when the dog started to try to squeeze his shoulders through the rails. "I don't know. Do I want to go back? Yes. But it's not that simple. I can't leave you. And my family's here. I miss it, it's my home... but now I'm making a new home with you."

Die bit his lip a little and then nodded. "Yeah... life isn't simple sometimes."

Kaoru reached and laced his fingers with Die's. "It's been making it really hard for me, waiting for my US citizenship and wondering if I even want it. If I get it, I can't hold both, I'd have to give up my Japanese citizenship, and I'm really just not ready to do that yet. I don't know... I'll probably end up staying here, but it's sort of something I can't decide yet until I'm forced to do it."

Die bit down on the inside of his cheek before he sighed softly. "Whatever you choose... I'll do it. But you probably have more chance of passing the English exams than I do of passing the Japanese exams."

Kaoru laughed, putting his arm around Die. "Actually, both of your parents are Japanese, so you're legally eligible to be a Japanese citizen, if you were to revoke your American citizenship, if I'm not mistaken. I'm sure there's bells and whistles to it, but, the government likes to claim their own; if you moved back, I don't think it would be very difficult for you to get the papers."

Die tilted his head a little. "Even though I was born here and my parents took citizenship here?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Good point. I dunno, it won’t hurt that you're one hundred percent Japanese." His hand rubbed up and down Die's back, ghosting over his hip. "Anyway, if it ever happened, it wouldn't be for a few years, probably..." Sighing, he pulled away, tugging Makoto and starting back towards the path, going under the bridge over the river to walk around to the far side of the neighborhood, then back.

Die padded after him. "I should look into it more from that side, I guess. I only looked into it as though I were anyone, not that I'm of Japanese descent."

Kaoru turned, looking at Die over his shoulder, slowing down to let him catch up quicker. "Really? I... I honestly always thought going back to Japan was just something I would talk about and pretend to consider but never do. But... if you can with me. I mean, it's still a hard decision, being away from my family is torture, but..." He bit his lip, smiling. "I guess we'll... keep it an open option? Ya know, for later..."

Die smiled at him, nodding a bit. "As long as I'm with you. And besides... wouldn't your family like going back to visit and stuff?"

"Sure, of course. It would just be weird, not having them so close... I mean, I talk to my parents almost every day, and see them at least once a month. So knock that down to maybe four times a year? It would be a challenge, for sure." He stopped for a moment and took some photos looking back towards the bridge, holding the photos in his hands and fanning them slightly before starting the walk again, the loop of the leash hooked around his arm. "Still, it's something to consider. Honestly, if we had kids... I'd want them raised with a good Japanese influence, even if we stayed here."

Die nodded. "I have lots to learn, I really do. I mean even something as small as all the shoes in the house... that confused the hell out of me. Separate shoes for the bathroom... all that." He laughed. "You'd be training me right along with a kid."

Kaoru laughed, putting the photos in his pocket and then taking Die's hand. "It's okay, baby. You never got the chance to learn, I don't expect it to be ingrained into your DNA." He put his head on Die's shoulder for a moment, humming. "Us talking about having kids... this is surreal. Surreal, and completely amazing."

Die slipped his arm around Kaoru's waist. "Yeah... it is kinda surreal to actually be discussing it rather than thinking it."

An arm was slung back around Die as they walked around the neighborhood and then back towards their home, going down the hill, passing the other little houses of the area.

Die had to pause for a moment, hopping back a few steps and finding his flip-flop, sticking his foot in it with a chuckle. "Smart. Leaving my shoes behind and shit."

Kaoru chuckled at him, Makoto following Die back and then circling around Kaoru to get going again, looping his leash around the man's legs. Kaoru huffed and untangled himself, getting to their house and heading down the stairs, stepping over to an azalea bush. "Do you need to pee?" he asked the little dog, who sniffed and dug around for a minute before lifting his leg and marking the plant, then trotting towards the porch steps.

Die headed off after them, watching the dog and then laughing, leaning in close to Kaoru's ear. "You never ask me if I needa pee."

Kaoru brushed it off for a moment, distracted as he took off his shoes and head in the door, then stopped, laughing. "Why, do you need to?" He reached and grabbed Die's packer, pressing up against his back.

Die gave a tiny yelp and then laughed. "Mmm... maybe I do, baby."

Kaoru laughed again, not really sure how to make this sexy at all, but wanting to humor Die. He leaned down to let Makoto off the leash and shut the door, then came back up behind Die, arms wrapped low around his waist, pressing against his bladder. "How bad?"

Die shifted back into his touch, his eyes closed. "Pretty bad," he mumbled back, blushing faintly, really not sure how he was managing to say anything at all considering he wasn't drunk.

Kaoru bit his lip, then pulled back, slapping Die's ass hard. "Then go take a piss."

Die gasped at the slap on his ass, standing there kind of confused for a moment before he hurried to the bathroom. Closing the door, he quietly flipped the lock and then leaned against the door, covering his face with his hands, thinking how big of an idiot he was. All he'd wanted was Kaoru to maybe play along long enough to just press against his ass while he took a piss using his StP device. But that little fantasy was kind of shattered on the floor.

Sighing softly, he moved to the toilet, opening the lid and undoing his pants, tossing his packer on the edge of the sink and then pushing his pants down, sitting down to pee, feeling like the world was swimming.

Kaoru got the distinct impression he had done the wrong thing, sighing and going to change into a pair of pajamas before sitting down with his laptop on the couch, popping in the memory card from his camera and pulling up the photos he had taken of Kyo and Die, trying to weed out any bad shots and pick the top lot and ones in need of some fixing. He puffed out his cheeks as the files loaded up, setting the computer down and going to pour himself a drink, pulling down a bottle of Beef Eaters and some vermouth, pouring the gin over some ice and then splashing in the vermouth. He pulled a jar of olives from the fridge and tossed two in, letting some juice slosh into it, then went to sit back down, legs crossed, pulling the laptop back into his lap.

It took Die a good few minutes before he felt like he could come back out and actually say what he wanted to without making a fool of himself. Once he left the room, he came to stand halfway between the bedroom door and the living room couch where Kaoru was at. "Hey," he murmured, getting Kaoru's attention, "I didn't mean to start that. It just slipped out. Really. I promise." He had his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his shoulders a little hunched.

Kaoru sipped at his lazy version of a martini. "Baby, it's okay. I tell you that every time. I just... I never know how to make it sexy for you, since I'm not into it. But, I mean, that was far less explosive than other times, right? We're getting there... you didn't cry on me this time, at least." He offered a little smile, and then raised his glass. "You want one?"

Die bit his lip and then nodded a little. "I... uh..." he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Please." He turned around, heading into the bedroom, intent on getting all of this clothing off and his silk PJs on instead. Once that was done, he came back into the living room, still feeling rather awkward.

Kaoru heard Die come back into the living room, leaning to call to him. "How dirty do you want it, baby?" he asked, opening up the olive jar.

Die looked completely confused for a moment before he let out a half-choked laugh. "Uh... I dunno. Honestly, I've never had a martini that wasn't some fruity vodka one. You decide."

Kaoru chuckled, putting just one olive in with a little bit of juice, stirring it a little and putting the jar back in the fridge. He carried it out to Die, and then put the glass behind his back, leaning over. "I want a kiss for it."

Die had moved over to where they'd left the prayer beads Kyo had gotten him, his hands behind his back, just staring with a bit of a confused expression on his face. When Kaoru came up to him, he looked over at him, hesitating for a few seconds, his nerves getting in the way before he leaned over and gently kissed Kaoru. After all, it wasn't his fault Die had a sick perversion like he did and it wasn't his fault he didn't get it. Kaoru was just normal and Die was sick and twisted, that's all there was to it. And he didn't need to hold that against Kaoru.

Pulling back, he held out his hand for the glass.

Kaoru lifted his brow, not moving the glass from behind his back. "Mmm, I think you can do better than that," he purred out teasingly, moving a little closer.

Die let out a whine. "Booze and then I'll do way better than that?" he asked softly, hoping that would work.

Kaoru frowned a little that he couldn't get Die to play along, handing him the glass and then going to sit back down, going through more photos.

Die took the booze, feeling a little like an asshole, and downed it in a few gulps, coughing after. Gin was gross. End of discussion on that one. He put the cup on the table and leaned down over Kaoru, pushing his chin up and shoving their lips together, kissing him hard before he pulled back, studying him for a long moment.

Kaoru gave a surprised sound into the kiss, returning it, looking a little stunned at Die as he pulled back before the corners of his mouth tugged downward. Something about the way Die had thrown back the drink, the way he seemed so closed off after the incident that he himself didn't really understand why it was such a sensitive subject. He bit his lip and then leaned up to peck Die on the mouth again before pushing the screen back and turning his laptop around, showing Die his favorite so far. Die looked like a 1940's sexy queen, turned profile to the camera, supported on one knee on the couch, the other leg extended out along the leather, leaning with one hand on Kyo's thigh, the other on his shoulder, lips parted against the singer's ear like he was whispering something sinful to him, and Kyo poised relaxed, staring into the lens as though he owned the world.

Die wet his lips, about to pull away when Kaoru turned the screen to show him the photo. He stared at it, his head tilted a bit. "I like it," he murmured before shifting around, plopping down on the sofa, pulling his knees up against himself. He was quiet for a few minutes before he finally murmured, "Would it be better if I just don't bring it up again or if I explained?"

Kaoru took in a slow breath and sighed it out, saving everything, and then closing his computer, picking up his drink and turning to lean against the arm of the couch, facing Die. "Explain, I think. I just... don't get it. It sort of freaks me out, but not enough to not do things to humor you, but I haven't got the slightest clue what to do or how to make it sexy for you."

Die winced a little, looking down at his lap, one hand lifting to scratch over his head a little. Sniffing slightly, he sighed. "I dunno... things kind of vary with me. But there are some things I don't really like. I don't like things like... pissing on someone's face or drinking piss or making them drink it. That's... gross." He ran a hand over his face for a moment, shaking his head. "Tonight, I was just kind of aiming for you just kinda... pressing against my backside while I peed in the toilet. Nothing like... disgusting." He shrugged a little. "I know you're not into it and I know you said you'd let some people in the past do things to you, but... I don't want to make you do things you don't want to. Forcing you into situations isn't going to make me horny, it'll just mortify me even more."

Kaoru made a face at the mention of drinking piss, then listened more. His eyes rolled up and he thought for a moment. "I don't have a problem with that. Hell, if you had a cock already, I'd hold it for you. I don't really get why the peeing part is sexy, but, sounds game to me."

Die shrugged a little. "I don't really know why I find it erotic either... I just do. I like watching you. I guess... it's like... foreplay, in a way." Biting his lip a little, he ducked his head a bit more. "The rest of what I like is... weirder." He wasn't entirely sure if he should continue or not.

Kaoru's brow rose inquisitively as he took another healthy sip from his drink. "Shoot. You might as well now."

He looked like he kinda wanted to sink into the floor, his voice really tiny when he spoke again. "I like peeing in weird places... or seeing others do it. I think it has something to do with wanting a cock so bad. Men can pee anywhere and women always have to wait to use the toilet because you have to take your pants all the way down." He shrugged a little. "I... uh..." he stopped there, wincing, not really ready to share some of the things he'd done if Kaoru was gonna think him crazy.

Kaoru made a gesture with his hand for Die to continue. "Come on, baby. You've seen my coked-out porn. There isn't a whole lot that will surprise me, or that I'm in any place to judge."

Die sighed, tugging on his hair for a minute. "Well, you probably don't wanna know some of the places I've pissed if you're not into that stuff." He made a face. "Or more like... you don't wanna know." Then his head snapped up, his eyes wide. "Not that I've ever here... or at your place. I wouldn't. I mean, that's rude, and you'd kill me."

Kaoru laughed, holding his martini in both hands. "I wouldn't think you'd do something like that, and yeah, I'd probably kill you. But I mean... if you got drunk and pissed on a bush in the yard or something..." He shrugged. "I mean, I've peed off the back porch a few times. It's just a guy thing."

Die's blush got even brighter at the mention of what Kaoru had done. Ducking his head, he bit his lip, shifting a little. "So... how exactly do we work this now? I mean... now you know, but... knowing is only half the battle."

Kaoru sighed and thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose for now maybe before we have sex every so often, I could... stand pressed up against you while you piss? Little things first."

Die blushed faintly, his head bowed slightly before he nodded. "Yeah... really?"

Kaoru smiled over the rim of his glass, shrugging. "Sure. I'll try it."

Die bit his lip a little and then smiled, ducking his head. "Mmm... if you don't want to, you know you don't have to, right?"

He rolled his dark eyes dramatically. "I'm not chomping at the bit to grind against your ass while you take a piss, baby, but if I wasn't down for it, I wouldn't have offered."

Die's face managed another shade of red at that. He sort of nodded before pushing himself up. "Gonna get some whiskey. Want a refill?"

Kaoru looked at his drink, then fished out an olive and threw the rest of it back. "Yeah, make it a gin and tonic this time, though, please." He handed Die the glass then opened his computer again.

Die nodded a bit, taking the glass and heading off toward the kitchen. He made Kaoru's drink first and then poured cherry vodka for himself, filling a good-sized glass with it before he came back into the living room, giving him his gin and tonic.

Kaoru gave him a sweet grin as a thank you, going back through the photos and sticking them into folders, deciding he didn't want to do much more than sort them tonight. He sipped his drink and shut his laptop down, getting up to go put it back on his desk in the guest room, which still smelled slightly like Kyo's cologne. He came back out and gently put himself in Die's lap, looking at his lover's drink. "Can I have a taste?"

Die peered up at him and then nodded, handing him the glass to have a taste of it.

Kaoru gave a little purr of thanks, taking the glass and sipping at it, then handing it back. "Mm, that's good. I hadn't tried that yet." He leaned forward and kissed Die for a moment before sitting back, resting against the arm of the couch. "So what's the plan for tonight, baby? TV? Sleep? Movie? Card games?"

Die gently raked his hand over Kaoru's side. "Mmm... I dunno... I was thinking maybe I should..." he ran his fingers over Kaoru's back, "re-stake my claim on you," he purred out.

Kaoru bit his lip, playing dumb. "Oh yeah?" He arched his back to let Die rub at it more. "And how exactly would you go about doing that?"

Die chuckled softly. "Mmm... I think..." he pushed his hand down over his stomach and then slowly pushed further down to his crotch. "I'd start... right... about... here."

Kaoru took a healthy drink of his gin and tonic before setting it behind him on the side table, parting his thighs slightly to Die. "Nn, and where would head to next?"

Die's hand slid back, pressing over his balls, across the fabric over his taint, and then back just a touch further. "Here," he whispered into Kaoru's ear. "That's how one claims... isn't it?"

Kaoru moaned quietly and then gasped, hips snapping up slightly as Die's finger pressed against him through the thin fabric of his pajamas. "Hnn... yes, that's generally the idea." He gnawed at his lip, shifting around in Die's lap. His cock twitched and started to get hard, aching at the idea of Die fucking him. He spread his legs more and slid his tongue over his pouty bottom lip. "And how exactly do you plan to claim me, baby? Bent over the kitchen counter? The dining room table? Spread out on the floor? With my knees over your shoulders, balanced on the edge of the washing machine?" His eyes narrowed for a moment, flashing fire. "Should I put my hair in a ponytail so it's easier for you to grab?"

Die chuckled softly, his lips going in to attack his neck. "Mmm... I think... I'd like to fuck you here, on the couch." He licked his lips a little, thereby licking Kaoru's neck. "Go get me my strap-on and the lube... and put your hair up."

Kaoru sighed out a little pleased sound at the attention to his neck, reluctantly getting up and trotting off to the bedroom. He threw his hair up in a high ponytail and found Die's red strap-on with the inner attachment and a bottle of lube, shucking off his clothes and coming back into the living room, flicking off the main lights and leaving the lamp on, paranoid about how much could be seen through the blinds with it being dark outside. He got down on his knees in front of Die and handed both items to him, smiling coyly.

Die chuckled softly, reaching to gently run a hand over his lover's hair. He'd gotten rid of his PJs while Kaoru was gone, his body naked and spread on the couch. His thighs parted more. "Fill me up with it, baby."

Kaoru bit his lip and nodded, taking the attachment and putting it in his mouth, sucking on it for a moment to warm it up, his hand dancing up and down Die's torso. Once it was warm and slick with saliva, he rubbed it around Die's cock, rolling it in circles over his mound and then down, teasing the slit while he leaned to suck at one brown nipple, tongue flicking at it, nibbling slightly before moving to the next. As he sucked at that nipple, his fingers ghosted along his lover's arm, his other hand moving the rod of silicone down and pushing it slowly into Die, then pulling it all the way out, fucking him fast with just an inch or two of it before pushing it completely in again.

Die watched him, his eyes sparkling with pleasure while Kaoru warmed up the part that went into Die's own body. He arched into the touch, a breathy sigh leaving him, head falling back. He whined at the treatment to his nipples, more than pleased that this was happening. "Yeah, baby... keep doing that," he whispered, his arousal heightening severely with the way his nipples were being sucked and nibbled at. His mouth fell open, his eyelids fluttering as he let out panting, girlish moans at being fucked with the dildo. Once it was fully inside him, he chuckled softly, raising his butt to let Kaoru put the strap under him.

Kaoru gave the nipple he was worrying at a little kiss before sitting up, reaching to start putting the straps around and under to fasten them when he let out a sharp, high-pitched squeal, jumping forward on his knees and then letting go of the strap-on, turning around and glaring at Makoto, whose cold, wet nose he'd just felt on his ass. He growled a little and scooped the puppy up, standing and going off to the guest room. "Puppies need to stay out of daddy time. I love you, but if I ever feel your nose up my ass before Die fucks me again, you're becoming a fur throw." 

Die let out a gasp when Kaoru squealed, trying to figure out what was going on and then trying hard not to laugh, his mouth hidden behind his hand, his body shaking with the laughter he wasn't letting out.

Kaoru put Makoto in the guest room and closed the door, coming back to Die and getting back on his knees and fastening to straps, biting his lip as he looked at the plastic cock. He grabbed the lube and put some on his hand, starting to stroke his lover slowly, shifting back into the flow from before. "How do you want me, baby?"

When Kaoru came back, Die chuckled softly, dropping his hand. "Maybe he was just wondering why we're naked," he offered softly before shifting around, helping to get the straps fastened. "On my lap, facing me."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, leaning forward to kiss Die's stomach. "Either way, it was not pleasant, I promise." At the direction, he got up on the couch, straddling Die's lap, sitting just behind his lover's length before leaning, biting his lip and waiting on instructions, unsure if Die had wanted him to go ahead and penetrate himself.

Die let out a soft moan, his hands coming to rest on Kaoru's hips, gently touching, moving in to grip his dick, stroking him for a moment before he gave himself one good stroke, getting some lube on his fingertips and then pushing them down behind Kaoru's balls, fingers searching out and finding his puckered entrance, gently swirling around it and then starting to push in.

Kaoru's eyelids fell shut, head tilting back, letting out a breathy moan at the touch, hips arching forward towards Die's fingers. "Nn, oh baby... I want you so bad." He grabbed onto his lover's forearm, pulling his hand closer and grinding his hips into it, the other hand gripping the back of the couch.

Arousal shot through his body at that, a shiver following promptly. He fucked him good and hard with two fingers for a minute before he pulled them out, wiping his fingers on his thigh before he pulled Kaoru closer, hand holding his dick in place. "Come on, baby."

Kaoru gasped and moaned at Die rubbing around inside him, licking his lips and nodding as he shifted up onto his knees, crawling forward a little and positioning himself, pressing down and slowly letting Die slide into him. He grabbed the slim hips and dug his fingernails in, eyes squeezed shut.

Die moaned softly as Kaoru slid down on his dick. It pressed the one inside his own body further in and he felt like he could really feel what was going on. A smile drifted over his lips as he wrapped his arms around Kaoru, tugging him closer and then starting to move, thrusting up into him.

Kaoru bent over, supporting himself on his hands on either side of Die, ponytail hanging down at one side of his face. He let out every sound that bubbled up, rocking his hips back into Die's thrusts. "Oh shit... Daisuke... feels so good, more, baby, please!"

Die chuckled softly, shoving his hips up harder into his lover, his hands holding his hips tight as he watched what they were doing, his lower lip caught between his teeth.

Kaoru leaned down more, kissing at Die's jaw, biting and sucking down along his neck. He was already shaking, everything felt amazing. He could hear Makoto in the other room, nosing at the door and whimpering to be let out, but he could wait. Right now all he wanted was Die, Die fucking him, Die claiming him, Die making him feel like there wasn’t - and would never be - anyone else, just them. He sucked at his lover's ear for a moment, mewling out, "Fuck me harder, baby, I love your cock."

Die let out a low growl. He was going as hard as he could like this already, but damned if he didn't wanna leave bruises on Kaoru's ass from his hips from fucking him so hard. With another growl, he pushed at Kaoru. "Get up." He did some quick thinking, shoving the coffee table forward with one foot, moving to stand up after Kaoru had removed himself from his lap. "On your knees, bend over the table."

A shiver ran through Kaoru, cock twitching. It was only because he'd cum twice today that he wasn't on edge already. Sliding off Die with a little wince, he got down on his knees on the rug, leaning over the table and pushing his ass up in the air, looking back at Die over his shoulder with his lip between his teeth.

Die chuckled softly, staring at his ass before swatting it rather harshly as he got on his knees behind him. Edging in between his legs, he spread his cheeks and positioned himself, sinking in until his entire dick disappeared inside his lover. "Mmm... fuck... baby," he muttered out, fucking him a few times like that before he took his hips and really started cranking.

Kaoru jumped at the slap and then gave a loud gasp, resting his chest against the table and cocking his ass back against Die, all but screaming as his lover started to pound at him. His fingernails squeaked slightly against the glass table top as he clawed aimlessly, gritting his teeth against the harsh and amazing treatment. After a while, he pushed the table away and crossed his arms on the floor, resting his forehead against them. The sharper the angle of his back was, the better it felt, and he moaned loudly, pushing back into Die's thrusts, getting into the rhythm, his ass slapping against Die's hips.

Die let out a loud growl the moment Kaoru pushed the table away, reaching and grabbing his ponytail, wrapping it around his fist and yanking Kaoru's head back while he fucked the hell out of him. "You're mine, do you hear me? Mine!"

Kaoru shouted when Die grabbed his hair, head snapping back so hard he choked for a moment. It was perfect, the fear and pain sending electric bolts to his cock. He almost sobbed it was so overwhelming, pressing back more into Die. "Only yours, baby. Nobody else's."

He didn't let up on his grip, not one bit. Using the leverage of his hair and his hip, he shoved into him faster and harder, hips snapping harshly against his ass. "You're gonna fuckin' cum, aren't you? Cum all over the fuckin' floor and I'm gonna make you lick it up."

Kaoru let out another sob of pleasure, finding Die's harshness frightening, and the fear erotic. He bit his lip ragged, tasting blood, his whole body straining. He felt tears sting at his eyes and he squeezed them shut, working harder back against his lover, all but screaming. "Baby, I'm cumming! Oh shit, I'm cumming!" His body convulsed, becoming taut and still, every tendon sprung up from the skin. His ass constricted around the thick rod of silicone in his ass and he mourned for a glimmer of a second that Die couldn't really feel it before his own cock was shooting hot, thick cum out onto the rug under him. His face turned bright red from not breathing and he finally collapsed, head pillowed on his arms. "Mmmmm, keep fucking me, baby. Take all the time you need."

Die let out a moan, watching the way Kaoru's body tensed, listening to his lack of breathing and then the gasping relief. He smiled, letting go of his hair and repositioning himself a little, starting to thrust into him again, though now it was more of a rocking motion, meant to grind himself against Kaoru so he could get off faster.

Kaoru purred, turning his head to watch Die while he continued to fuck him, grinding against him, deep. He smiled and reached back, putting one hand over his lover's and rubbing.

Die moaned, the sound long and drawn out. His pace picked up until he was humping Kaoru almost desperately, his eyes fixed on what he was doing until the very last second. With a loud cry, he came, pulsing around the part of the strap-on buried inside him, his head thrown back.

Kaoru squeezed harder at Die's hand when he knew he was about to cum, sitting up a little and leaning his weight back into him. After a moment, he slipped off the other's cock, rolling to lie on the floor, out of the way of his cum on the rug, and held his arms out. "C'mere."

Die sat there for a moment, his head swimming while he panted for breath. For a moment, he struggled, getting the strap-on off and putting it aside before he shifted to lay down next to Kaoru, tugging him into his arms.

Kaoru rolled and lay against Die's chest, ear pressed to his heart. He smiled, purring and simply laying there for a long moment before he hummed out, "That was so fucking amazing," and then, several moments later, "You make me feel safe."

Die let out a soft chuckle. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'd be a bit sad if you didn't." He gently kissed the top of Kaoru's head, petting over his hair.

Kaoru rolled and straddled Die's lap, growling and kissing his chin. "Mm, I very much enjoyed it. I love it when you're rough with me." He leaned up and kissed his lover's mouth, moaning appreciatively at the familiar taste. Pulling back, he smacked his lips a bit, giving a grin. "Want another piece of cake?"

Die chuckled softly. "Mmm... do I getta lick if off you?"

Kaoru chuckled, sitting up again. "Maybe. So is that a yes?" He stood on wobbly legs, pushing the hair that had come out of his ponytail back from his face, looking at the mess they'd made of the living room, the coffee table pushed all the way against the other wall, the rug crooked and stained with cum. "We've got to do this more often..."

Die rolled over, laughing. "Mmm... that's a yes... and yes, we do. We need to fuck in every room of the house." Pushing up onto his feet, he reached to goose Kaoru's ass. "Starting here and moving to the kitchen. Food play... kitchen. Rough sex... living room."

Kaoru staggered off and got a damp washcloth, coming back and cleaning the rug before he got dry paper towels and scrubbed it for a moment, cleaning himself up and taking the strap-on to the bathroom to clean later before washing his hands, opening the guest room door to let Makoto out again, and pulling on some pajama pants, righting the coffee table and putting their glasses in the sink before joining Die in the kitchen, getting his cake out of the fridge and cutting a slice for him, putting it on a small platter and then hopping up to sit on the counter. "So how exactly do you plan on going about eating it off of me?"

Die just went to the kitchen, getting more milk and sipping on it while he waited. Once Kaoru came in and got him cake, asking the question, he laughed softly. "Firstly, you've got way too much on in the clothing department for me to eat it off of where I was planning..."

Kaoru's eyes went wide. For a second, he just sat there dumbly, and then he slipped off his pajamas and laid down across the counter, putting his hands behind his head. For once, he was just going with it, not asking questions, just being Die's platter and hoping nothing gross happened to make them both feel awkward about this later.

He smirked at him. "That's better." Taking the treat, he slid some of the cake into his mouth and then ran his fingers through the frosting, gathering up a good amount before he started smearing it over Kaoru's body. First, he painted his dick, and then his thighs in little designs, up one hip and around his belly button. Stopping there, he ate another piece of cake and then drank some milk before leaning down and starting at his belly button, working backwards on the designs he'd left, tongue dancing over his skin.

Kaoru's hands made fists, trying to stay still. His cock was still a little hard and Die's touches and then his tongue weren't really helping. He gnawed on his lip and watching, hesitating and stuttering a bit before getting out, "There's some fresh raspberries in the fridge, if you want."

Die paused, smiling up at him and then nodding, licking over to his hip and then slipping away to go find the raspberries, pulling out a few from the fridge and coming back with them, squeezing the fruit over the chocolate, particularly over Kaoru's dick before he went back to licking at his thighs, holding the squished berries to Kaoru's lips.

Kaoru shivered and then parted his lips, letting Die push the fruit into his mouth and sucking at his lover's fingers. He felt dirty and sticky, but there was something so sexy about Die being dominant over him, he didn't say a word. Instead, he just laid back and purred and was a good little plate, trying not to laugh at hearing Makoto's little claws against the floor, curious about food, as always.

Die paused his licking to stare down at the little puppy between his legs, blinking up at him. He eyeballed him for a moment before rolling his eyes, pointing at the food dish. "Yours is over there, mine's right here." With that, he went back to licking, cleaning Kaoru's thighs really well before he finally got to his dick, lapping at it for a while before he sucked it into his mouth, rather diligently giving him a blow job after all the raspberry juice and chocolate were gone.

Kaoru let out soft little moans, hard again, but not sure if he'd actually cum. Either way, Die's mouth always felt exquisite and he rocked his hips ever-so-slightly up into the warm, talented cavern, letting out a louder sound of pleasure.

Die moaned right along with him, happy to be providing such pleasure to his lover... his very good tasting lover, if he had to say so.

Kaoru squirmed and fidgeted, feeling good, but no closer to cumming. He put a hand in Die's hair, stroking and tugging slightly. "Having fun, tiger?"

Die moaned throatily at him, his eyes sparkling, hoping that was enough of an answer while he continued to suck him off, determined to try to get him off again, even if his mouth fell off.

Kaoru laid back and enjoyed it for several more minutes, basking in it before realizing that another orgasm was probably a lost cause. He tugged a bit more at Die's hair. "Sugar, I hate to disappoint, but this would make four times today. I don't think I'm gonna cum again."

Die let out a soft whine, pulling off his dick and looking at it. "But... you're hard," he offered. Didn't that mean it wasn't a lost cause?

Kaoru blushed and gave Die an apologetic face, pushing up on his elbows. "I know, and it feels really good, baby. It's just... sometimes if I've already gone a few rounds, I stop ramping up to orgasm. Or more, it feels like I'm about to cum the whole time, but I don't. Like, the switch turned off or something."

Die looked maybe a bit shocked by that revelation. But after a moment, he nodded. "Okay... so... shower time?" He popped the rest of the cake into his mouth and put the plate in the sink, swallowing and then downing the rest of his milk.

Kaoru nodded, sitting up and hopping off the counter, cleaning the little bit of raspberry juice on the counter before trotting off to the bathroom, starting a shower for them and stepping in. He wet his hair and then started washing down his body, first, humming to himself.

Die watched him go before running a hand over his face. Okay... so he didn't get it sometimes, but he supposed that was part of the transition. Shaking his head, he followed behind Kaoru, slipping into the bathroom and washing up the strap-on first before going to put it away. Then he came back and stepped into the shower with Kaoru.

Kaoru smiled at him, leaning to kiss him before moving out of the way so that he could start washing while he lathered up his hair. "I am gonna sleep so good tonight after that." He gav e another soft smile. "Thank you, baby."

Die smiled softly at him. "Yeah... good." He leaned in to peck his lips again before grabbing the shampoo and starting to wash his hair.

Kaoru washed his hair and then pushed in beside Die, rinsing it out and making sure he was free of any soap before dropping a little kiss on Die's shoulder and getting out, brushing his teeth, and washing his face. He towel dried his hair and brushed it out before going to clean up a little around the house, ending up in the bedroom, pulling on a clean pair of boxers and sliding under the sheets, laying in the middle to warm them up for Die, turning on his bedside lamp and pulling out his book while he waited on him.

Die waited until Kaoru left the shower before he quickly finished washing up and then slid his hand down between his legs, rubbing over his lady-dick a bit roughly, playing with the clit ring. He let out a low moan, his eyelids fluttering. The whole sucking Kaoru off in the kitchen had really worked him up and he knew it'd bug him all night if he didn't finish it. He whined softly, almost slipping down to the floor by the time he got himself off.

Kaoru read for a while longer, realizing how exhausted he was rather quickly. He yawned and leaned over the side of the bed, picking up Makoto, who had sat himself at Die's side to wait, too. Pulling the puppy into the bed, he let him lie against his chest, then went back to reading for a while before falling asleep with the book open on the bed.

Die knelt there on the shower floor, almost gasping for breath for a minute before he pushed himself back upright, rinsed off again, and then turned off the shower. Stepping out, he got nice and dry before he headed to the bedroom, stepping in and smiling at Kaoru. "Aww..." he murmured, reaching over and taking the book, putting it aside, the bookmark in place. He flicked off the lights and then crawled into bed, nudging Kaoru and Makoto over a bit and then cuddling up, his arm over both of them. "Night, guys." A soft smile covered his lips as he drifted off into dreamland.

**To Be Continued…**


	46. Chapter 45

Title: White Lies  
Chapter: 45/?  
Author[s]: cadkitten and lumineaux_xx (gold_scarlette)  
Pairing: Die x Kaoru, Kyo x Kaoru x Die, Die x Kyo  
Band[s]: Dir en grey  
Rating: 18+  
Summary: An unfortunate accident throws two people's lives together. Attraction makes them take that extra step to draw them deeper. But Die's hiding away a little white lie.  
Disclaimer: I do not own or represent Dir en grey. I make no money from the writing of this. I do not claim any of this to be truthful.  
Warnings: M/M, Trans, Fisting, Vaginal Sex, Drug Use (Marijuana), Toys, Snowballing, Breathplay, Light Bondage  
Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan

Kaoru had been working more at the office, arranging interviews and press passes for the trip to Japan, and finalizing his article for the next issue. It was strange, switching places with Die at home and Kaoru going off to work, but it was just as nice coming home to Die as it had been having Die come home to him. 

In the meantime, Kyo had sent Die a project and had set up contact with a friend with a noise band to design a promo poster for their tour. The friend only spoke Japanese, so all correspondence ended up having to be translated through Kaoru, who ensured that Die had the best interpretation of the requests from the band's guitarist and that what got sent back was comprehensive. Essentially, they were a young band that just needed something eye-catching and loud, abstract and preferably with a watercolor feel, promoting their tour and their new album that they could put up everywhere, with a space at the bottom for writing specific show information. Easy enough. And they were paying him five hundred US dollars. The back-and-forth had finally come to a close and Kaoru was curious what Die was going to come up with.

Coming in the door, Kaoru called rather cheerfully, "Tadaima!", going over to the fridge and reaching to rearrange the little poetry magnets to read _my home is in your heart_. He set his keys down and poked around, looking for Die. "Baby? Where you at? Did you still want to go get flowers today?"

Die had been in the spare bedroom, actually dicking around with watercolors, trying to get a feel for how they flowed so he could make something decent with them. In all his meandering through things, he'd ended up with watercolor pencils, deciding that was best for the way he worked.

When Kaoru came home, he poked his head out of the spare bedroom. "In here. Yeah, yeah, flowers." He smiled. "Just, uh... gimme five."

Kaoru smiled, walking over and leaning in the door, watching Die work for a moment before going into the bedroom to change out of his slacks and dress shirt and into something more comfortable, pulling off his socks and wiggling his toes with a sigh.

Die finished up with what he'd been doing, which was actually a portrait of Makoto, who was sleeping on the futon, sprawled in his lazy, puppy way. He grinned, using a black watercolor to sign the bottom and date it before moving around and taking things to go wash up.

Once he was done with all of that, he wandered into the bedroom, smiling as he leaned in to gently kiss Kaoru. "How was today?"

Kaoru purred, catching the back of Die's neck and keeping him in the kiss for a long moment. "Good. Got my column finished, ready for print, and things with the Japan trip are falling into place. You're even lucky enough that our dear friend Kyo all but has the live venues around Nagoya hugging tightly to his little finger, because, just for you, he's scheduled a live there so you can see him in the act." A smile spread across his face. "He wanted to let me get the grins out of you, so I got to give you the news."

Die listened, a shocked look on his face. "Oh my god! I actually get to see him in concert!" He looked like a little fanboy about to wet his pants with glee, before he ducked his head, feeling silly for reacting that way. He hissed in a breath and then let out, "Awesome!"

Kaoru chuckled. "He said he'd make sure you're backstage with him before and that you get front and center before doors open if you want it. I'll be running back and forth in the press pit.”

Die made a gleeful face. "Ooooh my god!" With a little clap of his hands, he blushed like mad. "Fuck, I'm making an ass out of myself. You have to tell him I'm acting dweeby."

Kaoru laughed, grabbing Die's head. "You are acting so, so dweeby." He pulled him forward and kissed him again. "And I love you for it."

Die chuckled. "Good thing, cause otherwise I'd be fucked." He kissed Kaoru back. "In the bad way."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, smirking at Die before getting up. "You ready to go, then?"

Grinning, he nodded. "Yeah, I am." He leaned in and pecked his lips again. "This flower thing is exciting."

Kaoru smiled and moved out of the bedroom, looking at Makoto. "He's getting bigger... do you think I should block that gap in the fence with the trash can and see how he does outside for a while?"

Die stared at him. "We need to actually fix the gap in the fence, not block it with something he's gonna want to crawl in. Why don't we pick up some chicken wire to put over it while we get flowers?"

"I know that, I was just saying to try it out, see how he reacts to being outside instead of left in the house when we're gone." He opened the back door and stepped out, slipping on flip-flops. "But I guess you're right... we'll get some stuff to patch it up, then start leaving him outside more."

"I wouldn't want him to knock the trashcan over and then run away, that's all," Die murmured, stepping out and pushing his feet into his own flip-flops.

Kaoru gave a little side nod. "That's true... I'd cry my eyes out if we lost him." He looked hopefully at Die. "Can we take your car? I'll put gas in it."

Die nodded. "Yeah, of course." He smiled at him, heading toward his car, unlocking it once they got to it. He slid in and turned it on, the engine purring under his touch. "Mmm... missed you, too, baby girl."

Kaoru all but pranced around the machine, sliding into the passenger seat and leaning back, buckling in. "You know," he started in a teasing tone, giving Die a sexy look, "I'm totally only with you for your car, right?"

Die snorted. "Mmmhmm... right... and not at all for the amazing sex, right?"

Kaoru laughed, shaking his head. "Definitely not all the amazing, hot sex." He crossed his legs and turned slightly in his seat towards Die, feeling the leather under him. "Though, you know it's not the sex, either..."

"Oh yeah? Maybe my amazing ability to make drinks?" he asked, pulling the car out down the alleyway. Of course, he was kidding, knowing well and full that Kaoru loved him and that's why he was with him.

Kaoru hummed a little, pretending to think quite seriously on this. "Well, you _do_ make a mean whiskey sour."

"Mmmmhmm, see, I knew it all along." He flashed a grin at him. "And maybe like... ten percent ‘cause you love bangin' my pussy."

Kaoru smirked a little. "Ten percent? Don't give yourself too much credit there, girly." He put his hand on the back of Die's seat, smiling a bit more. "So have you thought of any flowers in particular you wanted?"

Die stuck out his tongue. "Lucky I didn't say forty percent." He was quiet for a minute before he shrugged. "I like tulips... stuff like that."

Kaoru gave a little nod. "I like lavender, and rosemary. Not really a flower, but it smells so good, and it's pretty."

Die nodded. "Maybe we could do like... half flowers and half herbs or something?"

Kaoru smiled. "That sounds nice. Then we can cook with fresh herbs." He lifted his hand to rub over Die's hair, playing with it. After a long moment, out of nowhere, he asked, "Baby, am I good to you?"

Die gave Kaoru an odd look. "Yeah... you are... why?"

Kaoru shook his head, playing with Die's ear. "No reason. Just wanted to make sure."

"I think you'd know if you weren't, baby... I wouldn't be here."

Kaoru bit his lip a little, nodding. "I know... I just have to hear it, sometimes. I feel like a shit to you if I let myself look at selective occasions."

"Overall picture, baby... it's the only way anyone gets by in life." He pulled up to a stoplight, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

Kaoru smiled, tugging on Die's earlobe, unable to not shoot little bits of affection to him. "I know. But I want to be the best man I can for you, as often as I can. Gotta make sure I know where my starting point is."

Die smiled over at him. "You're doing fine. Stop worrying about it."

Kaoru bit his lip and nodded, returning his hand to the back of Die's neck. "Good. Glad you approve."

Chuckling, Die put his attention back on the road. "Not sure if ‘approve’ is the right phrase for that, but yeah."

Kaoru gave a little shrug. "Mm, it's close enough." He smiled and shifted to cross his legs, sighing a little. "So how's the project going?"

"It's going okay. I did a painting of Makoto in watercolors to get a feel for them. I think I'll use the watercolor pencils. What do you think?"

Kaoru thought for a moment. "Your style thrives too much on detail; I think the pencils would be much more conducive. And I want to see that painting of Mako-chan." He grinned, rubbing a hand back through his hair, pulling the long, dark strands through his fingers.

Die nodded. "Of course. It's up on the easel, drying right now. And yeah... it really does. The paints were driving me friggin' nuts."

Kaoru traced a finger around Die's ear, nodding. "At art school, freshman year, there was a blanket arts class. Every week, we did a different art; dance, painting, sculpting, all different kinds of elective classes so that we were well-rounded in other mediums. Painting was by far my worst failure. It looks like something a kid would bring home from kindergarten."

Die chuckled softly. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad... but it's seriously a different medium... crazy different."

Kaoru laughed, tossing back his head a bit. "I'm a photographer; I create with a camera and ideas, not my hands. I have no manual dexterity for that kind of thing."

Die scrunched his nose a bit. "I wouldn't say that. Your hands work wonders on me. I know they have to be brilliant at something else to be that good down there."

Kaoru laughed, turning in his seat. "I don't know about that, maybe all my talent went into pleasing you." He leaned over and kissed Die's shoulder, rubbing his arm. "Well, pleasing you and cooking. That's a hand talent, right?"

Die laughed. "Yeah, sure... cooking... and fingering." He grinned at his lover, shaking his head as he pulled up at the store, choosing a parking space and slipping the car into it with ease.

Kaoru chuckled, getting out of the car and flicking his hair over his shoulder, walking around to slip his arm around Die's waist, walking across the gravel parking lot into the rows of flowers and bushes and herbs, looking around.

Getting out, Die locked the car up and then followed Kaoru to the plants, just kind of following his lover's lead on this one.

The nursery was a bit like a little jungle, featuring several acres of potted trees, and rows and rows of flowers and garden fixtures, two green houses, with a large section of ivy and other flowers on tables at the front. Kaoru walked to the tables of flowers first, looking around, trying to find anything tulip-like, since it was nearly autumn and there were no tulips blooming, finding that most of the autumn florals were flowering shrubs. He pointed to a small tray of gerbera daisies and carnations. "What about those? We could change the flowers out with the season, maybe? I guess autumn isn't the best time of year to decide we want to plant stuff." He chuckled a little, rubbing Die's back.

Die made a little face, but nodded. "The Gerbera's are pretty... we could do those." He pointed out some red and white ones. "Those are nice."

Kaoru nodded, looking around to make sure no one was watching while he arranged a few pods of daisies onto a tray, leaving the ones that weren't as colorful or looked dried out. He picked it up and looked around for some sort of basket to carry everything in.

Die wandered over to get a little wagon to put things in, grabbing some nutrient rich soil to put in the planter and putting it in the wagon before dragging it over to Kaoru. "In here."

Kaoru looked at the little wagon and smiled, putting the flowers in it and taking the handle of the wagon, jerking his head for Die to follow, pulling it off towards the rows of potted trees. Pulling it around to a little opening, he parked the wagon and looked at Die, taking out his phone. "Sorry. You should be used to this by now. I got inspired." He bent over and put the flowers on top of the bag of soil to give more room. "Will you sit in it? Let me get just a few pictures with your chin in your hand, elbow to knee, kind of broken-dolled?"

Die blinked at him and then shrugged, doing as he asked. He settled down, chin propped in his palm, elbow on his left knee. He didn't have a clue what the hell Kaoru meant by broken-dolled, but he tried to look kind of glassy-eyed.

Kaoru pulled up his camera and then leaned down to give Die a short kiss. "Like, broken joints. Knees together with your feet really far apart, shoulders hunched, maybe the other arm at some weird angle. That kind of thing. Just look up at me like I'm asking far too much of you for one picture." He winked and stepped back, holding his camera high and tilting it to try and make sure he was getting the right angle.

Die attempted to do as Kaoru asked, managing to get his foot at an odd angle before he stared up at his lover, expression somewhere between bewildered and slightly annoyed, hoping that was good enough for 'asking far too much'.

Kaoru snickered and took a few photos quickly together before putting his phone down and holding out a hand to Die. "Thank you."

Die smiled after, standing up and getting out of the cart before he looked over, seeing a small yellow flower. He had no idea what it was, but it was pretty. "Kaoru?"

Kaoru pulled the wagon, walking over to where Die was, looking at the flowers. He smirked and put his hand on the small of Die's back. "I think they're cute. You want 'em?"

Die nodded, carefully selecting the one he thought needed to be taken home, placing it in the wagon. "Dunno what it is, but it's pretty."

Kaoru smiled, nodding, leaning into Die while he raised his phone, pointing it back towards them and kissing Die's cheek, snapping a photo.

Die straightened up just in time for the kiss and the photo, laughing at Kaoru before pinching his side, spotting the Rosemary. "C'mere, I found your Rosemary, baby."

Kaoru walked over while typing up a quick message, sending the photo to his Facebook with the caption, "Me and the honey out shopping for flowers like proper little faggots." He put his phone in his pocket and bent down, sniffing the rosemary and sighing out pleasantly. He picked up the little containers, fondling at them, trying to decide which one looked best, finally selecting a small group of fronds that were particularly dark green and look fat and oily, which made them particularly fragrant.

Die watched, taking out his phone after a while and texting Kyo. _Flower shopping... miss ya._ Closing his phone, he shoved it in his pocket and smiled at the choice. "This stuff is lovely."

Kaoru grinned, glad Die liked it, smelling his fingers from rubbing at the frond, the tacky, fragrant substance left on his fingers triggering a sense of calm in him. He then looked around and pointed to some lavender. "How about that? And maybe one ivy plant or just something leafy at the far side to kind of hang over?"

Die nodded. "That sounds good. I like ivy and lavender smells nice."

Kaoru nodded, picking one of the small lavender plants and then walking slowly around, looking for ivy, pulling the little wagon behind him. The nursery was lovely to walk around, so he enjoyed it, taking his time.

Die's phone buzzed a few minutes after he texted Kyo, the response taking a while in the singer's inebriated state. _Aw! Miss you 2. In LA @ some bar getting drunk w/ the singer from Jonni Savv, mgmnt wanted us 2 meet be4 the tour. I am in so much trouble Die, not even kidding this tour is gonna torture D:_

Die padded after Kaoru, smiling to himself. When his phone buzzed, he pulled it out, staring at the message and giving it an odd look before typing back. _Why? You attracted to him?_

Kaoru stopped and bent to look at a butterfly, taking pictures of it, completely oblivious to Die and his texting. 

Kyo struggled to focus and type in English, glad the singer in question had gone off to the bathroom and gotten side-tracked talking to some people at the bar. _I swear, this is a mean joke. He's tall and really skinny, tattoos, long dark hair, green eyes, these big... omg, his lips... they are amazing. Google him. I'm srs._

Die chuckled softly, shaking his head. He closed the message and went to his internet, looking the guy up, bringing up the first image and then letting his jaw drop. He mouthed out a 'wow' and then closed it, going back to texting Kyo. _Holy fucking shit. Lemme guess... not gay?_

Kyo groaned, taking another swig of his beer. _No he's very gay, and sexual and very sexy & even better he's interesting and smart. Tell me I'm stupid and I'm not already crushing on this guy._

 _Uh... you're crushing, sorry. But hey, if he's gay and sexy and even better... smart... where's the issue here?_ Die hit send and shook his head, wandering toward some bright maroon flowers.

Kaoru followed Die over to the flowers, sneaking up behind him and putting his chin on Die's shoulder. "Texting Kyo?" he asked, knowing full well he was. "Tell him I said hey." He looked at the maroon flowers, feeling their petals. "Those are pretty."   
"Yeah, I am. I like these... think it'll fill out the last part of my half?"

Kaoru moved away when Kyo sent the text back, not wanting Die to think he was prying and trying to monitor what kind of conversations he had with Kyo. 

_cuz we'll be on tour together an if we have a fling now and it flops, tour will suck. plus i'd fall 4 him, i can tell_ His typing was becoming less and less proper the more he drank, watching to make sure the man in question was not about to walk up to him texting like a friend about him.

Die read the next text and made a little face. _Or it could make the tour amazing to have someone to shack up with and you could turn to each other with your frustrations... think of all the glory it could hold!_

Kaoru smiled and nodded, trying to visualize how large the flower box was and how much they had already. "I think that's about it. Maybe one more thing?" He looked around, trying to spot any color to walk towards and investigate.

Kyo texted a reply frantically, watching Fea cross the room towards him again. _Dunno if it's worth the risk, but he is so gorgeous and i want him so bad_

Die grabbed one of the maroon flowers and headed after Kaoru, putting it in the wagon before reading Kyo's text. _Suck it up and blow him. Jesus. Stop worrying and act, man._

Kaoru was tugging the wagon on through some ferns, looking around and then back at Die. "See anything you like, pumpkin?"

Die shrugged a little. "The last one is your pick, baby. Halvesies and all."

Kaoru stopped, turning around a smiling. "Well, if I could plant you, we'd be all ready to go..." 

Die laughed. "Oh yeah? Now all we need is Die-shaped flowers then."

Karou looked around and pointed to some little flowers that looked a bit like marigolds. "What about those?"

Die turned to see the flowers and nodding. "Cute."

Laughing a little, Kaoru grabbed one plant of them and put them in the wagon, looking at how the colors went together and smiling. "Okie-dokie. I think we're done, yeah?"

"Mmm... some of those plant food sticks and some bug spray and then we're done."

Giving a nod, Kaoru turned the wagon around and started back towards the small building with the cash register and such, reaching his hand back behind him and wiggling his fingers, wanting to hold Die's hand.

Die chuckled softly, going to catch Kaoru's hand with his own, falling into step beside him and keeping an eye out for the plant food sticks and the bug spray.

Kaoru hummed softly, swinging their joined hands. A small table just beside the door of the building had plant food in several different forms, and just inside the door was bug spray. Kaoru nodded to them, letting go of Die's hand. "I'll trust you on what kind to get."

Die smiled, going over and getting two kinds of plant food, one better for herbs and the like, the other better for flowering plants. The same bug spray did for both, one that was easily able to be washed off to they could use the herbs. Carrying them over, he got in line with Kaoru, smiling to himself.

Kaoru pulled the little wagon up to the counter, the woman there smiling and looking into the cart, punching in amounts into the register. "Did you find everything alright?" He nodded, looking over at Die to make sure she had added in the plant food and insecticide.

Die showed her the plant food and spray, smiling softly at the woman before he put the stuff in the cart. "Yup!"

She grinned back and announced the total, taking Kaoru's credit card and having him sign the receipt, telling them thank you. 

Kaoru pulled the wagon back out to Die's car, seeming rather pleased with himself. "I guess we'll swing by Lowe's or something for the chicken wire? Maybe PetSmart, too; make Makoto a tag for his collar."

Die nodded at him. "Yeah, that sounds good. Lowes should have it like... right inside the door if I remember correctly."

Kaoru nodded, waiting for Die to pop the trunk so he they could load the flowers and soil in. "You're such a man... you even know the layout of a home improvement store. Sweetie, if we ever get married, I'm obviously wearing the dress." He laughed a little, giving Die a wink.

Die laughed. "I can't help it! I just remember the layout of places I've been to often enough." He popped the trunk for him and then started lifting in the items, smiling happily.

Kaoru helped him put the flowers and such in, then took the wagon back over the rows of tables, parking it. He walked back across the parking lot and slid into Die's car with a little contented sigh.

Die got in after they were done, lighting up a cigarette and cranking the engine, smiling happily while he sat there and smoked, the window down to let the smoke out, Kyo's voice on the stereo.

Kaoru looked at the cigarette as though hungry. "I left my smokes at the house, can I bum one?"

The redhead chuckled softly, passing a cigarette to Kaoru. "Sure thing. They're menthol though." He just couldn't remember to pop the beads on the other ones... plus, he loved Salem's.

Kaoru shrugged, lighting it and taking a long drag. "Doesn't matter. Tastes like you."

Die chuckled. "Mmm... I bet it does, baby." Buckling up, he peered around the parking lot and then put the car in gear, pulling out.

Kaoru smirked, relaxing back against the seat and cracking his window. "So how's the little monster?" he asked, referring to Kyo.

"Drunk, horny, and wanting to bang that singer." He chuckled to himself.

Kaoru laughed. "What, now?" He realized then that Kyo was still in LA and that it was the afternoon, not late night in Japan, which meant for him to be drunk was significantly more amusing.

"They went off for drinks I guess... and he finds the guy to be extremely hot." He snickered, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Oh, oh, I guess you're talking about the band he's going to tour with? Yeah. I did a little photo shoot with Jonni Savv a few years ago and holy crap that man is gorgeous. And totally nice." Kaoru laughed and flicked his ashes out the window. "If he fucks him, get him to send us naked pictures. There's rumors Fea's got a dick to rival Kyo's."

Die nodded. "Yeah, that guy." Laughing, he continued driving. "Oh yeah? I'll ask for sexy pics and have him send them to both of us. How's that?"

Kaoru cackled. "Sounds awesome." He tossed his cigarette butt out the window, blowing out a stream of smoke. "I did a freelance thing for a friend who interviewed them and they're all really cool, but yeah, Fea is a sweetheart and really kind of spazzy and weird in that artsy, super-inspired sort of way. I can see him and Kyo getting along, if they don't implode on each other. Sometimes, ya know, when you get two people that are that artistic together? But whatever, maybe he'll at least get a good fuck out of it."

"If luck is with him, I hope he ends up finding more than a good fuck, though I can't argue with a good fuck for him, honestly." He took a few more drags to finish off his cigarette and then crushed his butt out in the ashtray in the center console.

Kaoru hiked his brows, shrugging one shoulder. "It would certainly be an interesting pair... I'd kind of like to see it work."

Die nodded. "Yeah, for sure. He deserves someone and he needs it bad, too."

Kaoru smiled, putting his hand at the back of Die's headrest. "Mm. Fea's like... six-four? Something like that. I think it would probably make them cute together in that odd-couple sort of way." He chuckled and looked out the window, watching a duck pond pass. "We should take Makoto on a walk again this evening. I liked that."

Die laughed. "Oh god... sounds... amusing, actually." He eyed him. "Don't tell him I said that."

Kaoru laughed. "I won't, I won't..." He leaned his head back against the seat and bit his lip, looking at Die. "You are so sexy."

Well, that had come out of nowhere. Die smirked to himself. "Oh yeah? How sexy?"

Kaoru purred, dropping his hand down to Die's thigh. "Mm, like, underwear model sexy. Hot tub sex sexy." He shifted in the seat to lean closer. "Wearing your boyfriend's leather jacket sexy. I mean really, really sexy."

Die let out a purr of happiness. "Mmm.... you think I'm underwear model sexy?"

Kaoru leaned closer still, pressing a kiss in front of Die's ear. "Definitely."

"Mmm... then how would you feel about me modeling some underwear when we get home?" He grinned at that, thinking of the possibilities.

Kaoru let out a growl, chuckling. "Mm, sounds good to me, baby-cakes." He kissed Die's cheek again and then sat back again, smirking.

"Oh yeah? Even before the gardening starts?"

Kaoru laughed. "Maybe. We'll see. I do want to get everything done today, the fence and the flower box. But we'll see..." He smiled and rubbed up and down Die's leg. "I've been thinking about taking pictures of us in cute underwear for a while now, though, so, all I really needed was some encouragement."

Die smiled at him and nodded. "Sounds fun to me. When you want to do stuff like that, just ask, yeah?" He shrugged a bit, finally pulling into the Lowe's parking lot. "Coming in or just want me to go get the chicken wire and come back out?"

Kaoru blushed a little and gave a nod, reaching for the door handle. "I'll come in with you."

Die smiled, getting out and locking up the car before he grabbed a cart from the bin next to the parking space, starting to push it toward the store.

Kaoru tucked his hands into his pockets and followed Die in, following his lead, since he really didn't know what to do to fix the fence. He also couldn't keep his eyes off Die's little ass, which wasn't making any little inklings of fence-fixing stick in his brain.

Die paused to grab some chicken wire, putting the roll into the cart and then headed off down the gardening aisle, getting some zip ties to hold the chicken wire in place. It wasn't the best solution, but it was one at least and the hole in the fence would allow for this to work just fine as far as he could tell.

Kaoru tagged along, reaching out and looping a finger through the back of Die's belt loop like a baby elephant holding it's mother's tail. "Do you think he can squeeze out of the space around the gate? He is pretty small right now..."

Die made a little face. "Mmm... I don't think so. I mean, you'd have to be like rat sized rather than puppy sized to do it."

Kaoru pouted. "Okay... I just don't want him to dig and squeeze out of that bottom corner and disappear."

Die shifted, looking a little lost. "I don't know how I would fix it... I mean, we can put rocks in the ground there so he can't dig. Like big ones. But other than that.. I dunno."

He nodded, slipping an arm around Die's waist. "Hopefully we can teach him not to dig. He's gotten pretty good about only peeing in the kitchen when he does it inside."

"I think we can. He only pees in the kitchen because he needs to go and can't hold it anymore, so he's learned real fast on that one."

Kaoru nodded, looking around. "So that's all we need, right?"

"Let's get some big flat stones and make a little walkway so that he can't dig out. Then it won't look sloppy and it'll keep us out of the mud when it rains and snows." He headed off toward the outside area where the stones were kept.

Kaoru followed, arm around Die. "See? I never would have thought about that... thank god I've got a man around the house."

Die laughed. "Gay man... anyone else wouldn't have thought about making it pretty, Kaoru." He paused in front of some red stones shaped like puzzle pieces that fit together, his eyes lighting up. "What about these?"

Laughing, he nodded, kissing Die's neck briefly. "Sure, baby, those are fine." He traced his hand down Die's back and stepped around the cart, picking a wrapped set of ten up. "How many do you think we'd need?"

Die watched Kaoru get the bricks, judging their size versus how he wanted to build the path. "Mmm... they're meant to wind back and forth, so... we need three packs of those and two packs of the ends and forced curves in a certain direction bricks." He pointed at the next stack over.

Kaoru blinked. "Okay." He grabbed two more stacks of the ones he had grabbed, and then two stacks of the end pieces, leaving the "curved pieces" to Die to choose; looking at them, he couldn't quite figure them out.

Die noticed how Kaoru avoided the curved pieces and he smiled, moving around the cart to go look through them, sorting them out so he had enough to direct the pathway to the door from the gate rather than winding it off into nowhere-ville in the yard.

Kaoru looked around the area, putting away ideas for later on how to spruce up the front walkway. As Die was lifting the pieces into the cart, his phone buzzed with a photo message from Kyo of he and Fea, still at the bar, leaning into each other and smiling. _Well... I'm done for. He's flirting with me. I told you he's hot as fuck._

Putting the bricks into the cart, Die gestured for Kaoru to push while he pulled out his phone. Grinning at the photo, he showed Kaoru. "Lookie. Aren't they cute?" After a moment, he typed back out a message to him. _He's gorgeous and you two look slammin' together. Kaoru says send evidence of his huge dick with your huge dick for comparison purposes._ He smiled to himself sending the message off.

Kaoru grabbed the handle and pushed, looking at the photo. "Whoa. They do complement each other, in an odd way." He smiled and head towards the checkout lines, pushing the cart with one foot on the bottom rung, gliding along every few steps.

 _I hope I see his dick, but I honestly hope it's not too huge. Ow. I don't bottom a lot. Ow._ Kyo was glad Fea had stepped out for a smoke, declining so that he could fill Die in on what was happening. _Scratch that, I fit my own cock in me... I'll let you know how it goes. He keeps rubbing my arm and shit. The littlest things are getting me so riled up._

Die chuckled at the first one, starting to text him back before he got the second message and ended up laughing. _Yes... yes you did. You'll be fine. Besides, you like a little pain, so... I'd think that would make it hotter._ He sent it off and then paid attention to Kaoru again. "They do. It's sweet."

Kaoru pulled up to a register, smiling. "That would be one hell of a couple. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea." He put his hand in Die's pocket, tugging him close while they waited in the line. "So... this sexy underwear shoot... I was thinking something rather hipster-ish and chic. Contradictorily nerdy faces with just underwear on, maybe boots. And some with both of us together, of course. What do you think?"

Die laughed. "Yeah, that's fine. Just promise we'll have a few with like... my little shiny red ones or the silver thong."

Kaoru snickered. "Oh snap!" He pushed the cart up and the guy at the register leaned over with his price gun so they wouldn't have to take the things out of the cart. Kaoru dug around for his credit card again, humming softly to himself.

Die watched him, leaning on the counter. In a way he'd been worried when Kaoru had asked for his card and then not handed it back one day, but he figured that he was allowed to do whatever he wanted as long as he was sticking with the no drugs thing... and that seemed to be going really well so far. Though, they hadn't spoken about it in a while and he was a bit afraid of that, but he was also wary to bring it up again now that they were calmed down again.

Kaoru paid and took the receipt, reaching back for Die's hand as he pushed the cart out of the store again.

"Thanks for... you know... buying everything while I wait to get paid, baby."

Kaoru shook his head, looking at Die rather pointedly. "Don't thank me. What's mine is yours." He squeezed his hand and pushed the cart out towards the car.

"I suppose so," Die murmured softly, going to the car and popping the trunk again so they could put the bricks and chicken wire in.

Kaoru helped load everything in, putting the cart back in the corral beside the parking space. "I mean it." He grabbed Die around the waist before he could get back to the driver's door, hugging him tight. "We share a life now, baby. I don't think of it as me paying for everything, it's just me supporting us right now, and I'm okay with that. You'll get another job, or find a steady enough income doing side stuff. And until you do, I'm alright with picking up the slack. I want you to have time to find somewhere you can really settle, not just take for a while because you need the money."

Die studied him, listening to his entire speech and then smiling softly at him. "You're such a sweetheart to me."

Kaoru blinked, blushing a little. "I can't help it, it's easy to do." He pulled away and walked around the car, getting in. "Do you still want to head by PetSmart real quick and make a tag for Mako?"

"Hey, I ain't complaining about it. I like you being sweet." Die grinned as he slipped into the car, buckled up, and then started the engine. "Mmm... yeah sure, we can do that."

Kaoru nodded, smiling, the store only down the street and rather closer to getting back on the interstate to head up a few exits to their part of town. "I think it's time we make him official, ya know? Nice little collar with his name and our address and whatnot. Maybe eventually get him a microchip when I take him back to the vet for his shots."

Die nodded. "I'm surprised they didn't make you do it when you went in with him before. They usually do. Musta been a nice vet." Or there had been little hope the guy would live, but Die didn't say that.

"I think they didn't want to give him too much to handle, he was in really bad shape when I took him in." He frowned a little. "But, he's doing good now. He's still kind of weak, but he's getting there. He'll be big in six months and you'd never know I found him in a box."

Die nodded. "He's stronger now and he's doing fine as far as I can tell."

Kaoru grinned, looking at the background of his phone, which was currently Makoto in the grass. "It feels so cute, having a pet with you... I've never really had a pet before at all, and him being _our_ dog is really nice."

"It does feel really nice. I love having him with you. It makes me happy."

Kaoru beamed, unbuckling himself as they pulled into the parking lot for the pet store. "We'll have to take pictures with him as holiday cards or something," he joked, brushing the back of his hand on Die's leg.

Die started to laugh. "Right, well... maybe Christmas cards of the puppy only?"

Kaoru laughed. "You know I don't do Christmas, but, I might have to give in just a little. Makoto in a Santa hat would be really cute."

"But Christmas is so much fun... even if you don't like... believe in Christmas, we can still do the less religious parts of it."

Kaoru shrugged. "Maybe. I've never really been all that into it, but, I'm not going to stop you from doing it, especially if it's a tradition for you."

"I just love the lights and trees and presents and ribbons and eggnog and holiday cheer. I don't see why we can't just do that part without worrying about the reason for it all. I mean... it's always so sad when people don't give one another gifts and stuff. It's just an excuse to be sweet and loving and have family over, really."

Kaoru smiled, getting out of the car as Die parked. "Okay. I can get on board with that, I think."

Die beamed at him. "Good. No mentions of god or Jesus or any of that, I promise. Just family and love and cheer and shiny things."

Kaoru laughed. "Well, my parents are pretty staunch about not celebrating Christmas. But my sister does, with Nick. Maybe they could come down with Asako, or we could go up to have Christmas with them?"

Die clapped. "I think we should have them down with us. That way they don't have to do the cooking. I will. They need a break and we can love on Asako and make her all kinds of happy and keep her off their hands most of the time."

Kaoru smirked, giving a nod. "Okay. I'll start talking to Sachi about it. They might already have plans to see Nick's parents, but maybe they could come down a few days before or after Christmas and we'd just do it off schedule?"

"It's fine with me... or you know... if his parents don't have an issue with gay men, then I don't mind if they come, too."

Kaoru actually laughed at this, rolling his eyes. "Um. Right. Yeah, that's not gonna happen." He shook his head and took Die's hand, heading into the pet store and over to the machine that made tags. "What shape?"

Die pouted a little, but followed after him and then pointed. "The dog bone one. He doesn't need any hearts hanging off him."

Kaoru laughed, slipping his arm around Die and punching button to select a bone shaped tag with a line for Makoto's name, their address, and their home phone number. "I was one of the reasons Nick's parents didn't want him marrying Sachi. They thought if gay is genetic, it might mean their kids would turn out queer and they didn't want gay grandchildren. So no, Nick's parents would not come down for Christmas."

Die looked horrified. "Fuck... but Nick's so... okay... with us. Right?" Or at least he hoped to god he was.

Kaoru kept typing in information, making a little face. "Oh yeah! His best friend from college is gay. He cracks jokes sometimes, but they're funny because I know he isn't actually being a dick."

Die looked relieved. "Good... good... I didn't want to think I'd been that wrong." Then again... he vaguely remembered something about what Kaoru was telling him having been discussed at the get together. Sometimes his memory was terrible, that much he had to admit. But at least Kaoru hadn't really noticed if it had already been discussed. Die poked the glass where the displays were. "Should we get him the red or the black one?"

Kaoru leaned back into Die a little. "Black one?"

Die nodded. "Sounds good. Just don't like that terrible yellow color."

Kaoru laughed, hitting _make tag_ and then pulled Die's arms around his waist, hugging them there while he waited for the machine to engrave everything. "Do you want to pick something up on the way home, or just do sandwiches back at the house?"

"Mmm... sandwiches, I think." Die grinned at him, leaning in to peck his lips gently.

Kaoru smiled, kissing him back before the tag fell into the little slot and a receipt was printed out to take to a register and pay. He grabbed both and went to one, handing over his card, yet again - he hadn't handled cash in months - and put the tag in his pocket before heading back out, Die in tow.

Die just followed him around, bounding after him and smiling to himself. "He's gonna be so proud."

Kaoru chuckled, taking the tag out of his pocket and admiring it. "Mm, yeah. It's like he's officially part of our little family."

"Yes!" He opened the car, getting in and quickly turning it on, lighting another cig.

Kaoru chuckled at him, folding his hands in his lap and relaxing back into the seat. He pulled Die's CD case from between the seats and started to flip through, pulling out Alice in Chains and popping it into the player.

Die grinned at him when he popped in the CD flipping the channel off the iPod and setting it to play CDs instead, hitting pause on his player. Pulling out of the parking lot, he flicked some ash out the window.

Kaoru smiled, starting to sing "Man in the Box," stroking Die's leg.

Die just tapped along with the beat on the on the steering wheel, looking pleased with life overall. "Think Kyo's gonna bang him for sure?"

Kaoru tipped his head back and laughed. "Oh, baby..." He shook his head, grinning. "For his sake, I hope so, though the thought of Kyo topping Fea is kind of like a Chihuahua mounting a Doberman. Maybe the other way around?"

Die snorted and shook his head slightly. "I dunno, I mean there's a possibility it could go either way. He loved your dick in him, after all. So he's comfy either way."

Kaoru turned bright red at the mention of him fucking Kyo, ducking his head a little. He pursed his lips in a tight smile, only able to nod a bit. "Mm... we'll see. Let's not count their chickens before they hatch." As they pulled up to the house, Kaoru got out of the car and stretched, hearing Makoto bark a bit at the door, chuckling. He went to the trunk and waited for Die to pop it so that he could get everything out, thinking they should fix the fence first so that Makoto could play outside while they put the flower box together. Perhaps the path could wait until later.

Die gave Kaoru an odd look at the reaction, wondering if he regretted what they'd all done together. Maybe it was his imagination. Trying to shrug it off, he slipped out of the car, opening the trunk and then getting some of the stuff out himself, carrying it to the back porch.

Kaoru helped get the rest out and closed the trunk, humming to himself and then looking at the chicken wire and fasteners. It didn't seem like it would be that hard to fix up. "What do we use to cut the chicken wire to fit?"

"Wire cutters. I have a pair in the toolbox over the dryer. You start on the flower box and I'll start on the fence, okay?" Die figured that would work best.

Kaoru nodded, going up onto the porch and taking the flower box off the railing where they had hung it for now, pulling the terracotta box out of it - the bottom was grated with metal to keep water from rotting the wood - and started to dump in soil with his hands. He blinked at it, then decided to pack the first layer down into the pot and then put loose soil up to nearly the top before he dug the first little hole and started to carefully pull the ivy out of its little plastic pot, breaking up the roots and putting them into the soil, then covering them back up.

Die went inside, finding his wire cutters and work gloves, coming back out and going about carefully measuring out the right amount of the chicken wire and then cutting it off. With that done relatively quickly, he then started the work of zip-tying the thing to the fence.

Kaoru hummed and watched Die from the porch, smiling a little as he kept pulling and planting, not sure how deep or how far apart to put everything. His eyes kept flicking back to the painted box proclaiming "Andou-Niikura," and the sight alone made his heart soar. He shook a tiny spider off the yellow flowers and stuck them into the soil, patting it down around them.

Die merrily went about his task, carefully creating the patch for the fence. Once he was done, he trimmed off edges with the wire cutters and cut off the ends of the zip-ties until everything looked nice and neat.

Kaoru bit his lip, smiling. He reached and pushed open the back door, making kissing noises. After a moment, Makoto poked his nose out the door. "Hey, cutie!" The puppy padded out onto the porch, looking around. Kaoru grinned. "Look! Daddy fixed the fence for you!"

Die grinned at Kaoru when he heard the kissy sounds and watched as Makoto padded out. He clapped his hands from where he was at, making sure he really did have all the wire pieces in the bag to throw away. "C'mere, boy."

Makoto wagged his tail, making his way down the stairs, taking a tumble at the bottom into the grass, but rolling back onto his feet and trotting over to Die. Kaoru giggled excitedly, overwhelmed by how adorable their little dog was. He gave a happy sigh and went back to digging the last hole in the flower box, sticking in the daisies and the breaking apart some plant food and putting it in the soil, taking the whole thing down to the yard and turning on the hose to water it.

Die giggled at him falling off the last bit. Happily, he reached for the puppy once he was close, flopping back in the grass and tugging the dog onto his belly. "Hey, baby. You can be outside now!"

Kaoru laughed brightly, watching Die and Makoto, the puppy playing back with him, wriggling around and making excited little noises. He turned off the hose and lifted the pot back onto the porch, putting it into the flower box and then hanging it over the porch rail before spraying it with the insecticide. Once finished, he put all of the extra gardening things down beside the stairs and threw the plastic containers for the plants away, rinsing his hands off at the faucet and then sitting down with Die and the puppy, rubbing Makoto's little butt.

Die giggled, rolling around and making sure he wasn't hurting the pup, but all the same having fun with him.

Kaoru threw back his head and laughed, moving out of the way a bit and pulling out his phone, recording a short video and sending it to Kyo, then to his email. He stretched his legs out and leaned back on his hands, smirking at Die. "You're worse than a little kid sometimes. I love it."

Die giggled and rolled Makoto over on his back, attacking his tummy with his fingers, tickling and rubbing the pup while Makoto just flailed around on his back, tongue lolling out, having a grand old time. "He's so damn cute!"

Kaoru laughed, leaning over Die and patting at one of Makoto's paws, making it push the little foot back. He smiled and then kissed Die's ear. "Do we want to do the path today, or wait until tomorrow?"

Die peered up at Kaoru. "It can wait until tomorrow I think. But if you want to do it now, we can."

Kaoru grinned, rubbing a hand down Die's leg. "Actually, I was making sure you didn't mind me being lazy. Tomorrow sounds good."

Die grinned up at him. "Gimme some sugar."

Kaoru chuckled brightly, leaning down in the grass over his lover and planting a kiss against his mouth. He sucked a bit at his bottom lip, hand still stroking along his leg, moving more towards his inner thigh. "Why don't we give him a test run? Leave him in the pen for a while... while you and me go inside?"

Die grinned at him. "Mmm... underwear time?" He rather liked the sound of that.

With a little wink, Kaoru nodded and got up, brushing grass off himself, opening the gate of the fenced in area and whistling at Makoto, who simply looked at him for a while before trotting over. Kaoru picked him up and pulled the tag out of his pocket, fixing it onto the little collar before setting him in the pen, having to rush to close the gate with the puppy on the other side of it. He knelt down and pouted at him. "Oh, I know, buddy! But we'll be back in a little while to let you back inside, I promise!"

Die gave the puppy little kisses over the fence. "I promise we'll be back. I'll come get you. Go explore the bushes and the buggies and the grass!"

Kaoru took Die's hand and headed back up onto the porch, slipping off his shoes, and going inside. He dropped his lover's hand and went into the guest room to get his camera and tripod, taking them into the bedroom. "I think I'll shoot you some first and then we'll take some together."

Die laughed softly and then nodded, taking his clothing off before going to the underwear drawer. "What should we start with?" 

Kaoru watched Die get out of his clothes as he set his camera up, choosing a lens and adjusting the curtains to angle the light. "Why don't you start with any you'd like to wear, and then I'll pick something nerd-chic for you for the ones of us together."

Die pulled out a sleek pair of silver ones, adjusting his packer in them once he had them on and then plopped down on the bed. "How do you want me?"

Kaoru purred a little at the image, moving his camera a bit. "Playful. Mock-sexy. Just, have a lot of fun." He did a few test shots and made more adjustments.

Die grinned, shifting up onto his knees, stretching out his lean body so that he looked sexy, like a tiger that wanted to pounce on Kaoru.

Kaoru snapped the photo, reaching behind himself and quickly finding a playlist on his iPod that was sitting on its dock, that was fun and upbeat, mostly indie art bands and folk humor. "Oh come on, baby. If you're gonna do it, do it all the way. Growl!"

Die laughed before he gave Kaoru a predatory look, stalking across the bed, letting a low rumble out.

Kaoru caught the laugh, biting his lip in a pleased manner. He leaned around the camera and pecked Die on the lips, leaning back again and snapping a photo. "That's my tiger."

"Rawr!" Die responded, only able to hold it for a moment before starting to giggle, rolling over onto his back, splayed out on the bed in a fuck-me pose.

Kaoru kept taking pictures, somewhere between horny at the sight of his lover's body, and that pleasant butterflies feeling he got at Die's smile. "Nnn, you are perfection, you know that?"

Die giggled. "Why thank you, baby." He stretched out, long and lean, his hips arching off the bed while he tried to look sultry. Yeah... he hoped Kaoru liked that.

Kaoru stopped taking photos, stepping out from behind the camera and just enjoying the view. He gnawed his lip a little. "Not that I don't appreciate this, baby... believe me," his cock twitched slightly in his jeans, "I definitely do. But go for less sexy and more fun?" He wanted to juxtapose Die's lack of clothing with his bright nature.

Die stuck his tongue out at him, a light in his eyes that was one of laughter, hoping that would do.

Kaoru smirked, giving a little nod of approval and stepping back behind the tripod.

Die kept it for a minute before he flopped over on his stomach and kicked his legs up in the air, chin resting on his hand.

Kaoru melted a little, lifting the camera off the tripod and disconnecting the remote shutter control, getting in close. The light was hitting Die just right to make him look young and glowing and it reminded Kaoru of the way he felt when they'd first met. He got down on his knee and braced his elbow on the bench at the foot of the bed, taking a few close-up shots. "Love you," he murmured softly, smiling behind the camera.

Die beamed at him and murmured out, "Love you, too, baby," as soon as the pictures were taken.

The shutter clicked just after Die said it, Kaoru putting the camera down and just looking at him for a moment before leaning to kiss him. "Wardrobe change?"

Die nodded, getting up off the bed and padding over to the drawer, rooting around. "What now?"

Kaoru shrugged, putting the camera back on the tripod. "Another pair with just you, then both of us? Whatever you want to wear, baby."

Die dug around and finally pulled out a pair of red boxer briefs, changing himself out of the silver undies and then adjusting his packer in the new pair. "How's this?"

Kaoru smirked, going to the closet and tossing his pair of red Converse sneakers at him. "Put those on." His feet were a little smaller than Die's, but it wouldn't make that much of a difference just posing in them. "Leave the laces undone."

Die snickered, but grabbed them, managing to get his feet in, though uncomfortable, and left the shoes unlaced, for which he was thankful.

Kaoru snickered playfully, making a heart with his hands for a moment before starting to take photos again. "Gah, you're so cute." He gnawed on his lip, the corners of his mouth upturning in a soft smile. "Can you do a few with your hand stretched forward? I want to play with focal points for a second."

Die nodded, cupping his hand and reaching out, a sort of dreamy expression on his face, like he was waiting on something magical to happen.

Kaoru fiddled with the focus, getting that intensely involved look in his eyes when he started to really get into a shoot, urging Die to keep changing the position of his hand, more and more pleased with what he was getting.

Die just followed instructions, moving rather like he was actually getting used to Kaoru telling him what to do and being able to work with it.

After a few more minutes, Kaoru gave a nod, resetting the focus and then stripping off his shirt. "My turn," he announced rather cheerily, getting completely naked and then pulling a tight pair of briefs from his drawers; they were a dark violet with a lime green trim and didn't really cover a whole lot. Quickly, he pulled his hair up into a ponytail and then grabbed his thick-rimmed glasses. He struck a little pose for Die, putting one hand on his hip. "What do you think?"

Die grinned at him. "I think you're sexy. So you want me to shoot it or are you gonna use a remote or something?" He knew such things existed, just didn't know if Kaoru used them.

Kaoru shook his head, going around to the camera. "I have a remote," he waved it around, usually using it when the camera was on a tripod, "but I do self-portrait stuff on self-timer with digital cameras. No film to waste, so, whatever." He looked up at Die, pondering, and then went over to his underwear drawer. He pulled out a tight pair of black briefs and tossed them at his lover. "These are super sexy on you, and they're tiny."

Die accepted them and kicked off the shoes and then his red boxer briefs before pulling on the new underwear and replacing his packer.

Kaoru smiled and set the camera to take a photo every eight seconds. He climbed up onto the bed, sidling up beside Die, one hand going to his ass before he bit at his lover's jaw playfully.

Die chuckled, settling down on the bed and letting out a little moan at the bite. "If you mean to keep me un-aroused, it's not working."

Kaoru licked his lips and grinned, tugging Die to try and get him up on his knees. "Sorry... I can't help it. Can we try and get some hipster, nerd-chic shots in before this degrades into fucking?" His mouth twitched up in a little smile.

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it," Die murmured, shifting up onto his knees.

Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die's waist and angled himself in a way that made him look longer. He thought about how to phrase what he was looking for, always finding it difficult to translate what he saw in his head into directions. "Um... just be kind of smug and a little over the top. Just pose with me like you're pretending to model. Does that make sense? Then we'll actually do a few sexy ones..." He smirked, hugging Die's waist a little more.

Die nodded a bit, trying to do what he thought Kaoru wanted him to, adjusting his face and body and projecting out a model doing a professional job rather than lover holding his man.

Kaoru let a few shots go of Die like that before correcting him, wanting to have captured it before adjusting. "I mean like... ever gotten drunk at a party and done an impromptu photo shoot? Like, striking really exaggerated poses and making crazy faces? Like that. Fun!" He bared his teeth in a silly sneer to exemplify his meaning.

Die laughed. "I can't say I have, but I'll try." He attempted giving a surprised, open-mouthed look at the camera.

Kaoru laughed, raising a leg and leaning back from Die. "Ha! See? There you go!" He laughed again then tucked close to Die, hugging onto his arm and making a sarcastically sexy face at the camera, something reminiscent of Blue Steel.

Die cracked a huge grin, laughing his ass off at the camera, hoping that was good enough for the next one.

Kaoru moved a bit in front of him, facing the camera straight on, one thumb hooked in the waist band of his underwear like a belt, tugging it over a sharp hipbone, the other with a finger to his parted lips in a mock look of pondering.

Die shoved his hand into his own hair, arching backwards and putting on his best orgasm face, trying to exaggerate it.

Kaoru felt the sight go straight to his cock, but he tried to play along while still being up-beat and humorous, fanning himself and scrunching up his face, making a loud, "Ooh!"

Die smirked at him as soon as the photo had been taken, putting one finger between his lips and biting down gently.

Kaoru narrowed his eyes at him sexily, reaching out a hand and taking a fistful of his hair, just grabbing it, not tugging. After the camera clicked, however, he grabbed Die and yanked him into a kiss. "Okay," he growled into between trying to eat his lover alive, "enough photos." He hand went down and started to fondle at Die's packer, the other in his hair sliding over his back and squeezing his ass.

Die let out a rough groan, almost melting into Kaoru's touch. His hips bucked and his back arched while he kissed him back harshly.

Kaoru growled back, tongue flickering over Die's lips. He pressed their groins together, grinding against Die as he sucked at his bottom lip and squeezed hard at his tiny ass. After a moment, he pulled back, panting. "Lemme just turn the camera off real quick..." He started to move away, crawling across the bed to stop the automatic shutter.

Die reached out and grabbed him, holding him back. "Leave it on," he let out, his eyes dark and aroused, the idea of photos of them in the act actually turning him on even more. 

Kaoru stopped, looking at Die over his shoulder. He licked his lips, pausing for a moment and then turning around. "Alright..." He grabbed Die's wrist and yanked him closer, kissing him again and rubbing at his crotch. Moving his lips to the other's ear, he chanced something he hoped wouldn't make Die uncomfortable and would instead turn him on. "Am I making you hard, baby?"

Die let out a loud moan at the question, his hips jerking forward. "Yes," he let out breathlessly, "you always do, baby."

Kaoru purred, licking Die's neck. "I'm so hard for you, too, baby." He pressed his dick against Die's leg through the tight underwear. "Feel that? That's all for you."

Die gasped when Kaoru's dick pressed against him, his own hands quickly moving to start rubbing over his crotch and chest.

Kaoru lavished attention on Die's throat, the hand at Die's ass coming up to tug at a pink nipple. He bit down on the pale skin of his neck and growled, hips canting into Die's touches.

Die let out a loud moan at his nipple being tugged. "Fuck, baby... harder," he begged softly.

Kaoru obliged, pulling at the nipple harder and sinking his teeth into Die's neck nearly hard enough to break the skin. He moaned and then wrenched back, nearly glaring at Die. "Turn around," he growled out, his voice dark and sexual. His hand went to rub at his own cock, reaching into the tight underwear and stroking it.

Die cried out at the abuse he was receiving, all of it completely wanted and desired. His fingers clawed at Kaoru until the other barked at him to turn around. Immediately, he did as he was asked, shifting so that he was facing away from Kaoru, his fingers fondling his packer like he imagined he would his real dick when he got it.

Kaoru grabbed Die's hips and started grinding his dick against his lover's ass through their underwear. He was panting already, worked up to near bursting. After a moment, he reached for lube, pulling his cock out and yanking down the back of Die's briefs. "Do you want prep?"

Die shook his head, bending over and exposing his ass to his lover. "Just fuck me, baby. Make it hurt so good."

A dark rattle sounded from Kaoru's throat the words. He slicked a generous amount of lube over himself, wiping the excess off on the cover, grabbing Die by one hip and his cock at the base, pushing into his lover slow and steady. A hiss left him, keening up into a high whine, and he stayed buried in Die for a moment, biting his lip, hard. "Fuck, you always feel so amazing, baby..." His head was tipped back, eyes closed, a strained look on his face. He pulled out slowly, looking down as he slammed back in, the visual aid of watching his cock ram into Die making the whole experience even better. His rhythm was odd, slowly pulling out and then quickly thrusting back in, but he gradually made it more even, fucking his lover deep and hard to set the pace.   
Die let out a sharp cry somewhere between pain and pleasure as Kaoru shoved into him. It took him a minute to get used to it, but as the pain subsided only pleasure was left behind and he let out high-pitched grunts at each ram into his body.

Kaoru closed his eyes and worked at that rhythm for a while, enjoying the feeling of Die around him, listening to the noises he made. Rather suddenly, on a whim, he reached forward and put a hand under Die's chin, against his throat, wrenching his lover back against him, pressing against his neck just hard enough to be a little dangerous, still thrusting up into him. "Tell me how much you love it, baby. I know you're such a fucking slut for me, tell me how much you fucking love my cock in you."

Die let out a startled gasp, his eyes wide for a second, though his pussy throbbed with immediate arousal at the action. "Fucking love it! Like hell," he let out, though the words were strangled and raspy. His eyes glazed with the intensity of his arousal, mouth hanging open as he gasped for breath.

Kaoru let out a desperate sounding mewl, closer than he thought he'd be just from hearing Die's choked words. He pressed his hand just a little more firmly against the other's throat and sucked at his ear. "I love your tight ass, feels fucking amazing around me. Makes me want to cum so hard, fuck, I think I'm gonna."

Die let out a truly strangled moan, arching his back and shuddering pleasantly. The idea of Kaoru filling him so quickly was actually a total turn-on and he knew that after, it wouldn't take much to bring him off.

Kaoru panted and moaned heavily, his fingers stroking Die's jaw as he continued to cut off most of his air, his other arm wrapped tightly around the other's waist as he snapped his hips against his minimal ass, driving into him harder and harder, less steadily, losing control with each second of bliss. He whined loudly and bit down on Die's shoulder, intent on leaving a mark, shaking and slamming into his lover one last time before filling him up, his vision going white for a moment, electric tingles spreading down to his fingertips and then rippling slowly back up.

Die cried out, his body stiffening under Kaoru as the other bit him. A shudder wracked through him and his eyes rolled back in his head. 

Kaoru kept his wits about him, though, pushing through, reaching into the tight briefs and under the packer, wrapping his fingers around his lover's cock and stroking it, making little thrusts into him still. His hand had let up the pressure of Die's neck when he'd cum, and now he reapplied it. "Cum for me, baby. Scream my name."

Kaoru's hand was on Die's lady-dick and all the pressure was suddenly back on his neck. He let out a choked sound that was vaguely Kaoru's name. Ice cold spread through his body and then he was cumming, the spasms of orgasm wracking his thin body. The moment it was all done, he slumped forward, spent and dizzy.

Kaoru panted, pulling out of Die, pulling the underwear back up over his cock and then rolling Die over onto his back, shakily crawling up his body and kissing him, deep and slow, his hands rubbing lovingly at his lover's throat. "You alright, baby?" He stroked Die tenderly, stroking his cheek with his knuckles, nuzzling their noses together.

Die let a soft whine leave his body as he just kind of collapsed against the bed. The whole ordeal was amazing and yet a little scary. He gave a tiny nod, his fingers coming to feel his neck tenderly.

Kaoru frowned a little, watching Die feel at his neck. "Fuck, I'm sorry; I shouldn't have just sprung that on you without asking." He looked at his apologetically and craned down to pepper kisses over the abused column of flesh. "Did you like it, though? Or is that something I should avoid from now on?"

Die shook his head slightly. "No, baby, it was... amazing. I trust you." Besides, the fearful bit of it had really gotten him off anyway and he had to admit he'd enjoyed not knowing it was coming. "And the surprise of it was nice, too." A little smile wandered across his lips, the dazed feeling receding greatly.

Kaoru nodded, pressing himself down against Die and kissing his mouth again, hands rubbing up and down his arms. "Hnn, good... I'm glad you liked it. Me, too." He smiled and pecked his lover's lips one more time before crawling over to the camera and turning it off. He then stopped, blinking at the windows. "Fuck..." Sighing, too glowing with bliss from the sex, still, to really be angry about it, he simply walked over and tugged the curtains shut.

Die watched Kaoru get up and wander away to turn off the camera. When he went to the window to pull the curtain, Die just blinked. Somehow he just didn't care if anyone had seen, even with the things they'd done.

Kaoru walked around the bed and leaned over, kissing Die upside down and ruffling his hair. "I'm gonna hop in the shower real quick. Any thoughts on dinner?" He recalled they had talked about doing sandwiches, but after the sex, he was craving something a bit more substantial.

Die just stretched out and rubbed at his lower abdomen. "Mmm... I dunno. Maybe we could do sandwiches still and then do some soup with them?"

Kaoru thought about it and sort of shrugged, going to the bathroom and starting a showering, peeing while he waited for it to get hot. Stepping under the water, he washed up quickly, just rinsing off, really, leaving his hair dry, mostly just washing his dick and surrounding realty. Stepping out again, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went into the bedroom to pull on a pair of pajama bottoms before heading into the kitchen to check and see what all they had in the soup and sandwiches category.

Die just lay there the entire time, listening to the shower and letting his mind wander off on its own. By the time he heard it shut off, he had drifted almost to sleep and he blinked, smacking his lips and sitting up, looking around in a dazed manner before he finally pulled his sorry ass up and went to the bathroom to wipe himself up a bit. Once he was done, he came back to the bedroom and put on a pair of boxer briefs and nothing else, traipsing into the kitchen, his hand in his hair.

Kaoru smiled at him over his shoulder, looking through the fridge. "I could make some BLTs? And I've still got some of that pasta salad from the other day. That sound good?" He put his weight onto one hip and looked at Die, taking in how cute he was when he was tired, and his skinny body.

Die sniffed a bit and then nodded. "Yeah... that works. Mayo on mine. And I know we have some tomato bisque. I'll make that." He finally let his hand drop from his hair as he shuffled over to the pantry, opening it and rooting around until he came up with a can of soup.

Kaoru nodded, getting everything out of the refrigerator and putting it out on the counter before heating up a pan to fry the turkey bacon. He moved around Die, checking out the window over the sink to see Makoto still in his pen, laid out in the grass, chewing on a stick. He smiled and then started to toast bread and cut lettuce and tomatoes.

Die quickly put the soup in a pot with the required amount of water, put the pot on the stove, turning on the burner and then tossed the can in the trash. He found a spoon and then waited, lounging against the counter.

Kaoru fried up the bacon, making two plates with lettuce, mayo, tomato, and some salt and pepper on the whole grain toast, splitting up the pasta salad onto the plates and then setting out two bowls. The whole time, his eyes kept cutting to Die, little smiles playing across his mouth. Just as he was flipping the bacon, Die's ringtone sounded from the other room. Kaoru couldn't help but smirk, assuming it was probably Kyo with another update.

Doe stirred the soup a little before he heard his phone go off. Looking up, he put the spoon aside and padded out of the room

Of course, it was Kyo. _Back at my apartment, about to take a nap. Why am I so drunk in the middle of the afternoon? Die, he kissed me. ...he walked me to my door, and he kissed me. I took your advice and asked him to come in, but he said he'd rather take me to dinner tomorrow night and when I agreed, he leaned down and... oh my god._

Digging his phone out of his clothing, Die then sat on the edge of the bed to read the message. He smiled softly before texting back. _I'm so happy for you! I hope dinner goes amazingly for both of you and that there's much more kissing to come. How was the kiss?_

Kyo flopped down on his bed, biting his lip that still tingled with Fea's chapstick. He slid open his phone, feeling his face getting hot and he kicked and flailed around on the bed, letting out an excited shout just to get all the energy out. _It was so amazing. Sweet and simple, but... his lips are really full and soft and he had one hand on my neck and the other on my side and I grabbed his biceps. He sucked on my lip a little before he pulled away, it was... shit... it was perfect. I've never had a first kiss like that. I feel like THAT was my FIRST EVER kiss. He's taking me to my favorite Indian place tomorrow. *beyond excited*_

Die grinned when he got the message back, his eyes alight with happiness for Kyo. _Sounds amazing! Soft lips are so nice to kiss. I love it when Kaoru puts on his makeup because the next day his lips are sooooo soft._

 _I love it when you talk about him like that. I'm drunk, though, so I'm going to take a nap. I'll call and tell you everything after the date tomorrow._

In the kitchen, Kaoru put together the sandwiches and stirred the soup, adding just a little heavy cream. Pouring it out in two bowls, he put a little dollop of sour cream and some shredded cheddar in his, not sure if Die wanted the same, and called for his lover, letting him know the food was ready.

 _Okay. Have some lovely dreams!_ Die smirked to himself and closed the phone just as Kaoru called out to him. Getting up, he padded into the kitchen and looked around, pulling out two glasses and then pouring them some milk before he took that to the table. "It was Kyo. The guy kissed him and is taking him on a date tomorrow!"

Kaoru chuckled, a low rumble in his chest, taking the soup bowls to the table, where he'd already set out silverware. "Mm, that's good. He needs some action, someone to give him some well-deserved attention. I hope it works out." 

"I really hope it does, too. He needs someone that's his own... desperately." Die plopped down in a chair and then picked up his spoon.

Kaoru popped a piece of bacon that had broken off into his mouth before carrying the plates to the table and sitting down. Picking up his fork, he smiled. "I love this, you know... just... having dinner with you at home. It's so simple, but it makes me so happy."

"Hnn... I love this, too."

Falling silent, Kaoru sat and ate, his legs crossed, bare torso catching the light coming in through the bay window. He was finally starting to look healthy again, though the urges were still strong, and the depression that came along with the withdrawal could hit him hard, and rather unexpectedly, but at least the signs weren't written so clearly on his body anymore.

His foot jiggled as he ate, staring distractedly out the window. The light was starting to look far more like autumn recently and that pleased him; the golden hues of summer's death rattle were some of his favorite to capture. Pretty soon, he'd be out taking aimless weekend drives with his camera in the passenger seat, or maybe, in Die's lap, instead.

Die sat quietly, consuming his soup and then his sandwich, taking sips of milk every now and then. Smiling at his lover, he reached over with a piece of the bacon, offering it to him.

Kaoru looked at it, grinning a little before leaning over and biting off one end of the strip, his nose crinkling up in a silent thank you as he chewed. After a moment, he sipped some milk and then cleared this throat. "I think I want to smoke tonight. Would you mind?" The tone of his question could be clearly read to mean that if Die disapproved, he wouldn't partake.

At first, Die was confused, but after a moment, he realized what he meant and he shrugged. "Go for it. We should just make sure Makoto is still out when you do and let back in after we air it out."

Kaoru let out a loud laugh. "Stoned puppy. Alright." He finished up his sandwich and picked at the pasta salad, which wasn't as good as when he'd first made it. Finishing off the soup, he put the bowl on his plate and stood up, taking his dishes to the sink and starting to clean the kitchen. As he turned to grab the skillet off the stove, he gave Die a coy look. "I know we just fucked, but... do you wanna be my bowl bitch?"

Die laughed softly. "What? You think I'd turn down anything remotely sexual? What do I look like? An old man?" He smirked, finishing up his sandwich and then draining his milk.

Kaoru smirked, setting the skillet in the sink before going to collect Die's dishes, a dominance coloring his dark eyes. "Alright. Go get my bowl, then. The purple one. There's a glass scraper in there to, grab that and my green, I'll show you how to clean it and pack it." Kaoru always kept all his weed paraphernalia in a mahogany box on his dresser, with both of his bowls, rolling papers, grinder, and the canister with Starry Night on the top where he kept his weed all in it together. He wasn't particularly discreet about, it wasn't like his marijuana use was something he kept from his lover, so he was sure Die would know where to look. "Wait in the living room, I'll finish this up and be there in a second."

Die tried to remember everything he said, wandering off to go get the stuff. But once he was there, he just stared at it all kind of confused. What in the hell did Kaoru mean his 'green'? Was that what he called weed maybe? He made a face. He'd assume so and hope he was right so he didn't look like a dumbass.

Grabbing the purple bowl and what he thought was a glass scraper, he picked up the tin of weed and then headed into the living room, putting it all on the table and making sure the curtains were closed to prevent them from being seen.

Kaoru finished the dishes in record time and dried his hands, pulling all of his hair over one shoulder and going into the living room, smirking at Die. He thought for a moment and then went and grabbed a few candles and a stick on incense along with his favorite lighter for such things, putting the candles and incense on the table and lighting them and turning the lights down low, but not off, making sure Die had enough light to really see what he was doing. "Sit on the floor," he instructed, standing at the side of the couch. 

Die settled on the floor, cross-legged, all the stuff in front of him while he waited on instructions, his gaze somewhat curious. 

Kaoru sat down on the couch with a leg on either side of Die, leaning over his shoulder with a sly grin. He pointed to the scraper. "First, you have to clean it a little. I don't use this one as much, so, you won't have too much work to do. Just scrape it around the bowl and once you've gotten most of the resin off, tap it out into your palm and squish it back together into a little ball."

Die blinked at him and then tilted his head, picking up the bowl and the scraper, starting to try to do what he was told, a little confused why this was being done, he just went ahead and did it, creating a ball and then showing it to Kaoru. "Like this?"

Kaoru leaned over Die's shoulder, watching him work. There was something ritualistic and personal about the preparations for smoking, everyone had their own preferences and methods, and watching Die do this was - surprisingly - making him exceedingly horny. He thought he'd have to be high first before that would happen, but he was already starting to get hard, smelling Die's hair discreetly from his position. He looked at the little ball of resin and nodded. "That's fine. Just set it all down for now. Pick a bud from the tin, a small one's fine, and break it up a bit and then pack it in. You can add the resin to it, and don't pack it too tight, or I won't get any pull off it."

Die put everything down and opened the tin, pulling out one of the strange greenish-brown pieces of weed. He pulled at it, not sure what else to do with it before he just kind of dumped it in the hole at the bulbous end of the pipe. Then he took the resin and poked it down on top, feeling like he was making the worst thing Kaoru would ever experience.

Kaoru smiled, reaching with his arms around Die to take the bowl, grabbing the lighter. "That's pretty good, baby." He brought the bowl to his lips and lit it, the way he was hunched over his lover trapping Die in his arms. He took the first long hit, watching the plants catch and smolder, drawing in a deep breath and holding it. He put his elbows back on his knees, hands apart, and tilted his head, kissing at Die's neck before letting out a long stream of bluish-white smoke against his cafe-au-lait skin. "Do you want a shotgun?"

Die watched Kaoru's hands, biting his lip while he watched. When the smoke came out against his neck, he just sat there, not minding really all that much. At the question, he debated and then shrugged. "I guess." He'd get kinda contact high anyway, he figured, so there was no point in not actually doing it.

With a smirk, Kaoru took another, smaller hit and gestured for Die to turn around, leaning down and pressed his lips to his lover's, blowing out a slow stream of smoke. When he was done, he breathed in through his nose and kissed Die hard, flickering his tongue across his bottom lip. "It is so fucking sexy watching you pack for me, for some reason." He knew it was pretty obvious how sexy he found it; his loose pajama bottoms didn't leave much to the imagination with his erection.

Die accepted the hit, coughing a little bit after Kaoru finished kissing him, thinking he'd stick to his cigarettes. Speaking of, he reached across and lifted the pack from the table, nabbing Kaoru's lighter and lighting up. If Kaoru was smoking pot in the house, he was allowed to smoke his cigarette in the damn house. Handing the lighter back, he tossed the pack on the table. "Glad you find it sexy." He eyeballed Kaoru's hard dick, taking a long drag from his cigarette before reaching to pull his lover’s pants down, revealing his hard-on. Leaning forward, he blew out the smoke against his dick.

Kaoru bit his lip and dumped out the glass candy dish onto the table to serve as an impromptu ashtray for Die. When his lover blew the smoke out over his cock, he shivered, a little sound coming from him. He purred and leaned down, kissing him again. "You are so fucking effortless sometimes... it's really goddamn amazing." He leaned back into the couch and took another bit hit, wanting to hurry along the process so that every touch would feel like a thousand sparkling suns over his skin. "Tease me, baby. I know how much you love sucking me, anyway. I'll let you know when I'm ready to really get down to business."

Die gave him a look that was purely predatory, taking in another drag before he shifted over him, leaning in to lick at him while breathed out the smoke. He just lounged there between his legs, tongue lapping at the other's dick like it was the most delicate of treats.

Kaoru hissed a little, spreading his legs a bit more and sinking heavier into the couch, continuing to take hits from the bowl, feeling the familiar tingle set in. He watched Die in awe and appreciation with a rather similar look to how he admired a piece of artwork. Briefly, his hand came down to finger at his lover's red hair, a little smile pulling at his mouth.

After a few more drags from his cigarette, he tapped the ashes off into the candy dish before he looked up at Kaoru, a serious look on his face. "Do you trust me?"

Kaoru took another long hit while Die tapped his ashes, holding it and looking at Die while he pondered the question. Of course he did, explicitly, but he was rather curious what Die had in mind to ask. Setting the bowl and lighter down on the side table, he exhaled and looked back at Die, nodding.

Die bit his lip, biting back a small little smirk before he reached to take his dick in hand, stroking him gently for a moment. "Stay very still," he murmured before moving his cigarette close, just holding it near the head of his dick, not touching, but close enough to let the fire get to him.

Kaoru watched, tilting his head. His heart jumped into his throat when Die brought the cigarette closer and the heat that came slow and then suddenly felt so hot made him jerk, made him start to try to press away, but he forced himself to stay still, whimpering and moaning. It was terrifying, but something about the fear, and even the pain, made his cock throb with want. He let out a strangled moan and gripped the couch cushions, swallowing thickly, eyes wide and watching the end of the cigarette.

Die made sure he was ready for that jerk, waiting on Kaoru to calm down before he brought the cigarette dangerously close again, circling it around before he drew it away and then leaned forward, instantly shoving his mouth down on his dick, deep-throating him with a moan.

Kaoru was shaking, almost violently, the veins in his arms sticking out under his tattoos, his breath quivering past parted lips. He hardly blinked, his body tensed nearly to the point of cramping. When Die pulled the cigarette away and sank his talented mouth over his cock, his head slammed back against the couch, a strangled "Holy shit!" leaving him, and his hand coming to grab hard at Die's hair, holding his head down as he hips moved up. "Fuck, suck me, baby, make me cum!"

The enthusiastic response had been exactly what Die was looking for, his nether regions flooding with heat as he moved to rest his hands on Kaoru's thighs, glancing to make sure the cigarette didn't need to be dusted before he started to bob his head. He sucked hard, wanting to make Kaoru explode in his mouth as fast as he possibly could.

Kaoru's mouth was hung open, panting heavily. He held on tight to Die's hair, encouraging him for more, keeping his mouth farther down on his cock.

Die gave up on trying to bob his head, Kaoru's pressure making it clear he wanted him to suck more than he wanted him to move. He pressed his tongue hard against the underside of Kaoru's dick, his mouth sucking hard. His free hand moved down his torso, disappearing into his boxer briefs, fondling his lady-dick, playing with the ring.

Kaoru started to make noises he'd never really heard himself make; high, desperate, choked sounds that rang through his stoned brain, the sensations Die was providing him getting lost and scattered through his body on their way up to his brain. It was chaos and terror and delicious. He was starting to find it difficult to keep breathing right, his breath gasping and catching, whole body a trembling mess, and for a second or two, he didn't even realize he was cumming. He was practically sobbing at that point, cock pulsing, emptying his hot, sticky release nearly down Die's throat. In a choked voice, he managed to get out, "Don't swallow! Kiss me!"

Die swallowed the first hot pulse of Kaoru's release before his lover managed to tell him not to. At that, he moaned, forcing his head up some so it would hit his tongue rather than the back of his throat. After he was sure Kaoru was done, he slurped his way off his dick and settled back, putting his cigarette in the candy dish before he pushed himself up toward Kaoru's top half, grabbing the back of his neck and yanking him forward, shoving his mouth against Kaoru's and spearing his tongue into his mouth.   
Kaoru grabbed at Die hungrily, or did his best to, his limbs feeling like rubber, his heart fluttering wildly, hands shaking. He gave a loud, desperate moan into his lover's mouth, tasting himself, wrapping his tongue around Die's and swallowing some of his own spunk. It was odd to anyone else, but it had always been something normal for Kaoru, and the taste of cum was one he missed out on with Die, at least, semen-wise. Tasting his own made up for the difference.

Die groaned into his mouth, slicking his tongue along Kaoru's, more than willing to share in this. Finally, he moved the hand out of his underwear, horny as hell, but knowing he wasn't going to get off so quickly and finding it a little embarrassing he was still fondling himself.

Kaoru kept kissing him and swallowing until all the cum was gone, calming down, still trembling a little. He pet Die's hair, dusting kisses across his face. "You are so amazing..."

Die settled back a bit and then sniffed, licking his lips. "Hnn... so are you, baby."

Kaoru leaned forward and pressed his brow to Die's, closing his eyes and just staying that way for a while, kissing his lover's lips in little lazy pecks. Once he was sufficiently regrouped, he stood up, ruffling his lover's hair. "Sit. Take off your skivvies. I'll be right back." He winked and pulled up his pants, going into the bedroom to dig around.

Die blinked at him, but nodded all the same, shifting onto the couch and then wriggling out of his underwear, letting them fall to the floor before he pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them while he waited, his eyes wide and curious.

Kaoru grabbed a few things from the drawers and composed himself a little more before walking around the other way through the house, checking on Makoto again, who was still in his pen, rolling around in a little patch of flowers, before going back to the living room. He cleared a space on the table and set down a bottle of lube, a vibrator, a rather thick dildo, and then waved Die's length of red silk rope with a devilish grin. "Lean forward," he instructed with an easy, not forceful tone. "Hands behind your back."

Die peered up at him when he came back in the room, watching what he set down, his heart pounding. Biting his lip, he slipped his legs down and shifted forward, putting his arms behind his back and crossing his wrists.

Kaoru crawled up behind him, as gentle as possible, tying his wrists together tightly with a skill borne from the old days of being a typical Goth and dabbling frequently with BDSM. He kissed his lover's shoulder when he was finished and then got down between his knees, pushing them apart. His eyes were still glassy from both the pot and the afterglow, but were warm and loving, despite the obviously hardcore sexual acts he was about to enact on Die. "Trust me?" he asked with a soft smile, mirroring Die from before.

Die shivered a little at being bound up. This was sure to be amazing, he was certain. When Kaoru asked if he trusted him, he laughed softly. "If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be here right now."

Kaoru smiled and gave a little nod. "Good. Let's start." He leaned up and pecked Die's lips before starting a slow trail of butterfly kisses down his neck and over his collar bones. He let his hair sweep over Die's skin, hands walking up his thighs, fingertips playing teasingly along his soft skin.

Die whimpered a little, leaning back against the couch and letting everything just wash over him.

Kaoru sucked at one nipple gently, treating it like it was made of paper, delicately licking at it. His hands journeyed up Die's inner thighs and stroked just along the juncture of leg and hip as he went to give the other nipple the same dainty, teasingly minimal treatment.

Die let out a whimper, shuddering at the treatment. "Torture," he whispered. "I love you."

Kaoru's death-rot eyes flicked up to him and he gave an evil grin. "I know you do, baby." He winked and trailed the point of his tongue down slowly over Die's stomach, around his navel, and finally stopped just above his cunt. He nipped at the ring through Die's cock just quick enough to click at it and then reached behind him and grabbed the vibrator, settling himself cross-legged between Die's thighs, sitting up straight with one elbow resting on Die's knee. He intended to have plenty of fun with his lover, torturing him with pleasure to his limits. Lightly, he touched the tip of the buzzing toy just under his lover's little cock.

Die just continued shuddering and whimpering slightly. When that bite came to his piercing, he let out a cry that was clearly pleasured. Swallowing, he arched his hips a little closer. Then the vibrator was against him and he couldn't help but cry out sharply, his hips snapping forward.

Kaoru watched him with his lip bitten between his teeth, pleased. He rubbed the tip of the vibrator up and down his lover's slit, just teasing. He leaned and gave his lover's thigh a kiss, tossing his hair over his shoulder and continuing to tease for a minute longer before he pushed the first inch or so into Die's pussy, sliding it out again just as fast.

Die let out a moan when the vibrator slid into him and then back out again. His hips bucked a little. "Fuck," he whispered.

A little purr left Kaoru. "Do you like that, baby?" He turned the speed all the way up on the device and fucked Die slowly with the first inch or so of it.

"Y-yes!" he let out, his fists clenching behind his back, eyelids fluttering while he shifted his hips.

Kaoru grinned a bit evilly, continuing the treatment for a minute longer before slowly sinking the vibrator all the way in, keeping it there while as he leaned forward and let his hair swing forward, teasing the ends of it over Die's cock.

Die let out a groan that bounced off the walls of the entire living room when the vibrator sank all the way in. His hips snapped down, pressing the toy further against his g-spot.

Kaoru chuckled darkly, immediately catching onto what Die was doing. He gave his thigh a sudden, sharp slap. "Quit that." He looked up at his lover through his veil of hair. "And _don't_ cum. Not yet." He pulled the vibrator out and started the whole process over again, teasing the tip along the folds of Die's pussy.

Die whined when Kaoru told him to stop. Settling down, he panted quietly, his cheeks flushed brightly.

Kaoru teased the same way, listening to Die's pants, some sadistic part of him enjoying watching his lover be tortured. When he plunged the vibrator back into him again, he leaned down and started to kiss along the juncture of pubis and thigh, remembering Die had told Kyo that was his favorite place to be kissed and he'd been using it ever since.

Die cried out when Kaoru started kissing him there. He shuddered a bit, biting his lip to prevent any more cries of that type. Shifting his head, he pressed his mouth to his shoulder and whimpered at how good it felt.

Kaoru slid the vibrator back out and started to fuck Die rather vigorously with it, sucking at his hip bone, determined to leave a hicky that would stay for weeks.

Die's hips canted up, his body not really knowing how to stay still with this happening. He let out a high-pitched whine. "Oh god, harder!"

For several thrusts, Kaoru obliged, and then removed the vibrator all together. He sat back from Die, just watching him, his eyes passive.

Die's body quivered, his eyes rolling back. He was so close... and then it was all gone. He sat there feeling empty and frustrated for a moment before he raised his head, a pleading look in his eyes.

Kaoru licked his lips and turned the vibrator off, setting it on the table. "Not yet." He smoothed his palms over Die's thighs and leaned to kiss his wet slit before straightening up and kissing Die's mouth, instead. "I'm going to make you beg for it."

Die gave a pathetic little whine when Kaoru pressed a kiss to him. His head fell back against the couch and he chewed his bottom lip. Part of him just wanted to beg right then, but the other part saw the prospect of waiting as far more fun, so he kept his mouth shut for the time being.

Kaoru licked his lips again and stared Die down as he sat back, making sure he was calming himself. Reaching behind himself, he grabbed the large dildo, drizzling some lube over it and then fisting it for a while. When he was done, he thrust two lubed fingers into Die for a few moments and worked them around to transfer some lube there as well, not that he really needed it. Watching his lover closely, he spread him open and pressed the tip of the girthy thing to his pussy, pausing there.

Die just stared at him, waiting and watching, not feeling like begging yet. Biting his lips, he twisted his hands around behind his back a little. His eyes watched Kaoru lube the dildo, his body tingling in anticipation. Licking his lips, he sniffed a bit, arching toward the dildo that Kaoru was holding. "Please," he finally whispered.

Slowly, slowly, Kaoru pressed it into his lover, taking nearly a full minute to slide it until he could press it no further, pushing it a little against the end of the canal just to make sure it was completely seated. It was thick enough he could just barely touch thumb and forefinger around its girth, and he tilted his head, admiring how Die's opening stretched around it, holding the end and letting it simply stay there, stationary, buried in the other.

Die let out something between a groan and a growl when the dildo slid into him. He felt like he was almost ripping from how much it stretched him, but he had to admit, it only lit his fire even more. With a shudder, he let out a breath that sounded pleasured.

Watching as though it were some idle gesture, Kaoru began to pull the dildo in and out, not really thrusting, but moving it, angling and twisting a little as he went.

A wide variety of interesting sounds filtered from Die's mouth, each new angle and push bringing something new from his vocal chords into the air.

With a dark chuckle, Kaoru leaned forward and nipped at Die's inner thigh, fucking him with the dildo, fast, twisting it as he moved in and out.

That brought a whole new set of cries out of Die, his hips jerking completely involuntarily with Kaoru fucking him like that.

"Stay still," Kaoru commanded in a voice just barely above a whisper. He sucked at the spot he'd nipped and lavished it with his tongue, growling.

Die let out a whine, but he settled down, shivering from the effort of staying still.

Prolonging his efforts a bit more, Kaoru stopped with the dildo full inside Die again. He tossed his hair out of his face and blinked. "Are you ready for more?"

His eyes lit up. More? Could that possibly mean that Kaoru intended to try to put something else inside him? Anticipation shivered through him and he nodded.

Returning a single nod, Kaoru carefully pulled the dildo out and placed it on the table. He'd have to clean the glass, for sure, but right now, he wasn't thinking about that. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Die's waist, clasping his bound hands in his own, playing with his fingers while he trailed kisses from hip to hip.

Die's eyes flitted from the dildo being pulled out of him, to Kaoru's face and back again. When it was set aside, he made a little sound that was pretty much unidentifiable, mewling a bit when Kaoru leaned in to touch his fingers and kiss his body.

After some nuzzling and soft kisses, Kaoru pulled back again, grabbing the lube and pouring it into his hand, trying to force Die to lock eyes with him rather than watch as he rubbed the lube over the entirety of his right hand. "Don't cum until I tell you to. I told you, I want you to beg." With that, he curled all four fingers together and slowly pressed them into Die up to the last knuckle, thumb avoiding his lover's little cock, afraid that would throw him unavoidably over the edge.

Die gave a little whimper, suddenly knowing exactly what was coming. Just the thought made him even more aroused and he couldn't help how his breath kind of panted in and out while he gnawed at his lower lip. With a shiver, he nodded. He'd try, but he couldn't help what happened, that much he knew. Watching Kaoru's face, knowing he wanted that instead, he let out a low moan when those fingers entered him. All he could think was that he wanted more... wanted all of it.

Carefully, Kaoru pushed his hand in up to his thumb, trying to spread his fingers inside Die, watching the other's eyes, his face, for any sign of pain.

Die just let out a low moan, shivering while he tried not to move into it at all.

Kaoru bit his lip and pulled back a bit, tucking his thumb in and then pushing again, having to apply pressure as he got to his knuckles. "Still good?"

Die cried out this time, the pressure and the splitting feeling returning full force. Not that he minded... quite the opposite. But it was still something that made him cry out. He shivered, nodding frantically. Good... very _very_ good.

Nodding, Kaoru pulled back a bit and then pushed forward again, slowly sliding his hand into his lover. Once he was up to his wrist, he stopped again and tried to spread his fingers.

Die started up a keening sound, his hips arched up, straining there. His muscles strained, veins standing out as he arched upward, his head thrown back, smooth neck revealed, his hair cascading around his shoulders.

Kaoru pressed in farther, having to put lube on his wrist, pressing slowly until his fingers could go no further. He gently felt around, fumbling at the end of the passage that had been sewn shut after the surgery. The idea almost freaked him out, but he also found it rather awesome, breathing out a soft "wow.”

Die just let his head completely hit the couch behind him, almost melting into Kaoru. His breathing was quick and shallow, his body trembling with the effort of what was going on.

Kaoru put his other hand on Die's fluttering belly, noticing how shallow his breaths were. "Breathe, baby. I don't want you passing out on me. Just relax and breathe for a minute."

It took Die several minutes before he managed to even begin sucking in full breaths, his body just on overload, mostly refusing to let him do something as simple as fully breathe.

Kaoru simply let Die adjust, not moving except to pet his lover's side affectionately, waiting until he had calmed down to start moving his hand a bit, just sliding it slightly in and out. Slowly, he retracted his hand, drizzled more lube over it, and made a fist, spreading Die open with his other hand, and carefully starting to push in again.

Die kind of wilted when Kaoru moved his hand out, sitting there with a dazed look while Kaoru lubed himself again. Swallowing, he let his head fall forward onto his chest, watching this time as Kaoru put his fist back inside him.

Kaoru kept pushing steadily, feeling Die's pubic bone resist. He twisted his fist slightly, making sure he was ready to react at the first sign of pain. "Still alright?"

"Yeah," Die breathed out, the sound almost unheard in the room. He really was fine, though he was very much on edge.

Kaoru kept pressing until he was wearing Die's pubic bone like a bracelet. He swallowed loudly and kissed Die's knee, eyes on him, before he began to twist, slowly, pulling back just a little and then pushing forward, shallow, gyrating thrusts.

Die gasped and then shivered. Now he was close... so close. If only he could get just a tiny bit of stimulation to his clit he'd be done for. "P-please," he let out, tears in the corners of his eyes.

Kaoru moved faster, a bit more freely twisting his wrist back and forth to its full extent, gripping Die's thigh tightly. "Please what?"

"Touch me... more... please," he whimpered out, his words sounding broken and almost agonized.

Kaoru growled, rubbing his hand up and down Die's thigh, nails raking the skin. "That would be too easy. What do you really want? I told you I'd make you beg. Beg for it, baby."

Die let out something close to a sob before he spoke again, desperation tinting his words. A better idea came to him and he let out, "Suck my clit... please, Kaoru, _please_!"

Kaoru gave a rough, frustrated growl, pushing his fist in as far as it would go and leaned forward with his hair trailing over Die's stomach. "But you want me to suck it for a reason, so that you can do something. Beg me for _that_!" He was hard again and it was making him edgy to hear Die beg to be allowed to reach his end, to watch him lose it.

If he'd been able to get to it, he would have been yanking on his hair right about then. Letting out a hugely frustrated sound, he almost bit out, "Let me cum! I want to cum!"

Kaoru slid forward, whispering against Die's lips, " _Beg me_."

Breathing harshly, Die tried to figure out which thing to do. On one hand, he thought he could just beg and get his release... on the other, he thought maybe he could tell Kaoru to take a flying leap and see what happened. Tilting his head forward, he leveled his gleaming eyes on Kaoru. "Fuck off," he let out instead, hoping his lover played along rather than freaking out.

The response made Kaoru's eyes flash, but he did his best to hide any sort of reaction, sitting back. He gave a sort of shrug and then continued moving his fist around inside Die, twisting and pushing. "Alright." With his left hand, he reached for his phone on the corner of the table and pulled it out, carefully sliding his fist out until only the knuckles were still inside Die before opening up the video function and starting to record. As soon as he had, he thrust his fist back inside Die as quickly as the other's body allowed.

Die watched him the entire time, not minding at all that he was being recorded. When that fist slid back into him so quickly, he let out a startled cry, his head smacking the wall behind the couch, he arched so violently. "Fuck!"

Kaoru kept thrusting his fist in and out in a twisting motion, as forcefully as he felt comfortable, holding back for fear of causing Die any real pain or damage. "You sure you want me to fuck off?" he asked in a smooth voice that it somehow did not betray how aroused he was, how easily he himself could find release. He watched the screen on his phone for a moment before looking back at the real deal in front of him, a shiver running through him.

Die's fingernails dug into the palms of his hands, his teeth gritted in his mouth. His head thrashed around for a moment before he finally just couldn't take it anymore. "Please, oh god... please, Kaoru!"

He pushed the limit a little, pushing harder, leaning forward and letting the ends of his hair brush against his lover's little cock, but otherwise ignoring it. "Please what, baby? You'll have to be specific." He felt cruel, and it felt amazing.

"Make me cum!" He couldn't even keep his voice at a reasonable range anymore, all of his effort going into making sure he didn't move in some idiotic way and fuck himself up.

It would have to do, though he felt more like he was being commanded rather than begged for it. Obliging, he craned his neck down and wrapped his lips around the tip of Die's clit, sucking it into his mouth and trying to turn his phone to record it, or Die's face, or something, but it was basically a lost cause at that point. He wanted to feel his lover's body spasm uncontrollably around his hand, to know Die was being rewired with the intensity of it.

It didn't even take but a second before Die was thrown off the edge. Screaming, he tensed and then jerked sharply, his eyes rolling back in his head as he started to cum, body spasming frantically around Kaoru's fist. Tears welled up and slipped down his cheeks, completely unbidden.

Kaoru winced, pulling away from Die's clit and just sinking his fist slowly into Die, further, feeling his body squeeze around him and turning the camera to record his face, watching in awe. He hoped the tears weren't pain, and that if they were, they weren't detracting from the experience. As he felt the contractions start to wind down, he carefully pulled out his fist, setting the phone aside after hitting save, and getting up on his knees. He fished his cock out easily, a wet spot of pre-cum on the dark grey material of his pajamas. He wiped his hand as best he could on the leg of the pants and pushed into Die with a groan, reaching around the fumbling to untie him, kissing his throat and working his way to his mouth. In hardly a dozen hard, slamming thrusts, he was gone, spilling his release into his lover's used passage and moaning into his mouth, tossing the length of rope aside and putting his arms fully around him now.

It didn't seem like it'd ever end, even after the initial part was done, he was still spasming every few seconds, shivers going through his body each time. He let out a whimper when his hands were untied, moving to hold onto Kaoru's biceps, not really realizing he was leaving little smudges of blood from digging his nails in so hard. When Kaoru came, Die cried out again, this time yanking Kaoru close, his legs even coming to wind around him, locking at the ankles to keep Kaoru there.

Kaoru brought his hands up to cup Die's face, fingers in his hair. He kissed him softly, his body tingling all over. Feeling Die cling to him like that made his heart swell, his thumbs brushing away his lover's tears. In hardly more than a breath, he whisper, "I love you," and pressed their brows together, just staying in the moment.

Die's breathing calmed some, his fingers still grasping harshly, another shudder ripping through him before he let out a half-choked reply of, "l-love you, too."

Kaoru pressed himself deeper into Die, even as his erection was dying, kissing him softly. "Are you alright?"

Die nodded a little before letting out. "Hold me," wanting to let him know he didn't want to be let go.

Kaoru obliged, pulling Die close to him and cradling him, staying on his knees on the floor, still inside him.

It took a while for Die to calm down, his body almost collapsing against the couch and Kaoru, as if he had no strength left to give.

Kaoru slid out of him, shifting up onto the couch and tugging Die against him, stroking his hair. "Do you want some water or something?"

The redhead shook his head a little. He just wanted Kaoru close to him. Other than that, he was fine. Shifting into his lap, he rested his head on Kaoru's shoulder, sagging against him.

Kaoru rested his chin on top of Die's head, rubbing his back and sinking into the couch, letting their sated bodies melt together. He closed his eyes and let his breath relax and even out, concerned that Die seemed a little shaky still, hoping it was a good thing.

Die just sat there, waiting until he body completely unwound before he shifted, wincing. Slowly, he tried to get up, almost falling over the coffee table with a squeak. Managing to grab the couch, he stood there for a moment, trembling. "Uh... fuck... help me?" Apparently he was too wobbly to stand properly yet and he had to pee something awful.

Kaoru gasped in reaction to Die nearly falling, reaching out to him. Sighing, he smirked and stood, putting his arm under Die's knees and just scooping him up, walking them to the bathroom and carefully turned sideways to get him into the bathroom, settling him carefully on the toilet. "Better?" he asked, taking a chance and leaning to kiss him.

Die gasped, clinging to Kaoru as he was walked to the bathroom. His cheeks heated with a blush and he nodded at the question. Immediately he started to pee, needing to go bad, but he also reached out, putting one hand on the back of Kaoru's neck, keeping him in the kiss, his tongue slicking out to swipe over Kaoru's lips.

Kaoru breathed out a laugh through his nose, hands clasped at the back of Die's neck, flickering his tongue back against his lover's.

Die only ended the kiss once he was done voiding himself. Sitting back with a blush, he reached for toilet paper, biting his lip a little. "Was that bad?"

Kaoru stood up, chuckling. "No. I initiated it, didn't I? Now hurry up, I gotta pee, too!"

Die beamed up at him before he quickly wiped and struggled to get up, using the wall and counter as help. He carefully got out of Kaoru's way, though he remained leaning on the counter, biting his lip while he watched, hoping Kaoru wouldn't kick him out.   
Kaoru, of course, did not, shuffling up to the toilet bowl and relieving himself before shaking off and flushing. He looked at the both of them and shook his head, turning around and starting to run the water into the large tub. While it got hot, he dug around in the cabinet for the cedar bath salts he'd bought and poured some in, plugging the drain and adding a bit of bubbles. Shuffling off, he returned quickly with the candles from the living room, and then made another trip and returned with his iPod dock, setting it on the counter and plugging it in, pulling up a playlist he had labeled _Lovey Dovey_ and turned it down low, closing the bathroom door to let it steam up. With a little smile, he wrapped his arms around Die and kissed his jaw. "Impromptu romance. Sorry. You know I'm a nut."

Die just watched him, feeling the smallest tingle of arousal before Kaoru was done and running around, making them a bath and getting it all romantic and stuff. He smiled at him and shrugged. "No more of a nut than me, baby."

Kaoru bit his lip a little and gave a tiny nod, hugging loosely onto Die while the tub filled. When it was done, he walked over and turned the water off, testing to make sure it wasn't scalding, and went to scoop Die up again, kissing his cheek and lowering him into the water.

Die let out a little eep when he was picked up again, blushing and laughing softly. "I feel special when you do that!" he announced once he was in the water. Shifting around, he made room for Kaoru.

Kaoru blushed and made a shy little gesture, drawing his shoulder up in front of one ear. "I--heh... you are special, baby." He shucked his pajama bottoms and tossed them at the hamper, climbing into the tub and carefully lowering himself down into the water, facing Die.

Die grinned at him, reaching to touch his legs since they were what was closest to him. "I love you."

Kaoru's face softened and he leaned up, crawling onto his knees and kissing Die soundly. "You, too, baby. You're my everything."

He smiled into the kiss. "Aww, so sweet," he murmured. "Life is so grand with you in it."

Kaoru felt tears unexpectedly sting his eyes and he ducked his head, hair falling into his face. He bit his lip a little and then kissed Die's jaw before turning around and settling between Die's legs, leaning back into his chest.

"Aww, baby... don't cry," Die murmured, slowly pulling his lover to him and wrapping his arms tight around his torso.

Kaoru overlapped their arms and shook his head, sniffing with a smile. "They're happy tears, I promise."

"Hnn," Die kissed his head, "they better be."

Kaoru laughed, tilting his head back against Die's shoulder. "Yeah, knowing you love me makes me want to cry my eyes out." He laced their fingers together and gave a contented sigh. "You're not too sore, are you? I guess I really shouldn't be laying all over you..."

Die laughed softly at the first part and then shook his head. "I'm fine. I was just kind of in shock. It does that. It's like your whole body just can't take so much pleasure and it overloads."

Kaoru turned his head and looked up at Die over the slope of his cheekbone. "I'm glad I can do that to you..."

Die smirked at him. "Mmm... me, too. I have to say I really enjoy it when you do."

Kaoru laughed again, snuggling himself back against Die. "I'd assume you would. I think our relationship would fall apart if every time I tried to pleasure you, it flopped." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Honestly, though? Me, I like this better..."

Die blushed a bit and then nodded, running his hand over Kaoru's belly a little. "I like it, too." And he did, he just wasn't entirely sure how to go about doing it without Kaoru's help and leading.

"Oh you hate it, you just humor me," Kaoru teased, splashing Die a little. He smiled and pressed the bridge of his hawkish nose against the other man's slender neck. "Game time. What's one thing about us you'd change? Either a single event you wish had happened differently, or just a characteristic about us."

Die was silent for a long moment and then murmured, "I'd change the incident with Kyo that almost broke us and make it never happen."

Kaoru lay silently for a moment. "Good answer." His fingers traced little wet patterns over the back of Die's hand, tracing around the edges of his tattoo.

Die let out a quiet 'hmm' and then quietly asked, "You?"

Kaoru thought about it for a moment. "In a way, I wish I could get inside your head the way Kyo does. I want to feel closer to you. But at the same time... I'm sure there's stuff up there I'd be better off not knowing about. Like when you're mad at me. It's best those things stay in your brain."

Die nodded. "It's actually a bit disconcerting, though interesting. I think I'd have a hard time if I were around him every single day. It's like... there's things I don't even remember that I guess he could maybe dig out if he had more control over it. I dunno."

Kaoru hummed a little, nodding. "It's fucking weird, hearing him in my head like it's my own thoughts." He stroked Die's wrist, lifting on knee. "What's something you wish we did more?"

Die tilted his head a little. "Visited your family. From that lovely incident, you know it's what I've got and I guess maybe it's wrong to try to replace my shit-fuck of a family with yours, but... I can't help it."

Kaoru sniggered a little. "I don't mind sharing them." He sighed and pressed back against Die a little more. "I really like Kyo's idea of us having a date night. I know we live together, but, I like it when we have a set time where we're just doing something for us. Even if it's just cooking dinner together and playing cards or something." He looked up at Die. "I really want to actually go _in_ the art museum. I can't believe, us, both artists, haven't done that as a date yet." He chuckled. "What'a'ya say? They're open nights on Thursdays for students, I can get us in. Will you go on a date with me?"

Die absolutely beamed at him, nodding. "Of course I'll go!"

Kaoru returned the bright smile, hugging Die's arms around him. "Great! I warn you, though... I'm the ultimate art nerd. I get really caught up in pieces."

"That's fine, baby. Nothing says I won't manage that, too!" He smiled softly, leaning down to nuzzle him a bit.

Kaoru glowed. "A real date... it's been a while, huh?" He purred at the nuzzling and rubbed back.

"It has," he murmured softly. The last time, if he remembered correctly, he'd asked Kyo where to take Kaoru.

Kaoru sat up, starting to rinse himself off and scrub a bit, getting the sweat and sex juices off him. "This probably sounds silly, but once we've got Mako back in and I put my camera away and everything, do you want to maybe play gin rummy or something?" He looked at Die hopefully over his shoulder.

"I've never played, but sure. Or maybe we could just do Uno?"

Kaoru grinned, nodding. "Uno it is." He stood up out of the tub and drip dried for a moment before reaching for a towel and moving to step out onto the mat.

Die grinned at him and moved to wash himself off after Kaoru got out. He was done in a few minutes and carefully got up, getting out and draining the tub before he grabbed a towel.

Kaoru had already put a load of laundry in the washer and was dressed, going out to open the gate and called Makoto, bringing him back inside.

Die dried and then came out of the bathroom, the towel tied around his waist. He didn't bother with dressing, not seeing the point as he headed into the kitchen and poured himself some whiskey. "So... your bowl... it looks like a freaking glass toy that I should shove up my pussy."

Kaoru sputtered, digging around in a little box of random board games and such in the corner of the laundry room. "Please don't!" he called back, returning with a pack of Uno cards. He eyed Die in his comfortable nudity, Makoto at his lover's feet, wagging his tail and looking up at him expectantly.

"Hey, I didn't say I would, I just said it looks like that's where it belongs." He smirked at him. "I have plenty of my own toys, I don't need to improvise, thanks." Shifting to sit on the couch, he clapped his hands at Makoto. "C'mere, boy!"

Kaoru followed, grabbing the toys and putting them in the sink to wash and hiding away all of his drug paraphernalia. He wiped down the coffee table and went to dump the candy bowl out in an actual ashtray on the back porch, putting the house back together the way it was before they had fucked and managed to leave it in a bit of disarray. 

Makoto waddled over to Die and put his front paws up on the couch cushion beside Die, panting.

"Hey there, cutiepie." He giggled at Makoto's bottom wiggling around he was so happy, reaching to fondle his ears. "Did you enjoy being outside, sweetie? Did ya?"

The puppy padded from foot to foot, closing his green eyes as Die rubbed his ears. 

Kaoru put his camera away and came back, sitting down beside Die, putting one his own big t-shirts over the arm of the couch in case Die got cold. He took the pack of Uno cards and started shuffling.

Die chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes." Smirking, he looked up at Kaoru. "Our baby loves it outside, I think."

Makoto made a little warbling noise and then gave a single bark, making Kaoru laugh. He shifted closer to Die and kissed his shoulder, dealing out the cards. _Our baby..._ he though. Their baby, their house, their life... and that life was pretty damn good.

Die grinned. "So sweet." He reached for his stack of cards and leaned to peck Kaoru's head gently.

**To Be Continued…**


	47. Chapter 46

After a light dinner at the house, Kaoru started getting ready for his date with Die. It was a little awkward doing this when they were living together and could watch one another dress up to go out, but he was too excited about actually getting to go on a date with Die to really care. He picked out a stylish and rather snug-fitting pair of grey jeans, a worn, muted green t-shirt, and a black suit vest. He'd tied the top half of his hair up and put on the necklace Die had given him, along with the watch and his favorite ring, the amber scuffed from frequent wearing. He checked himself in the mirror and then went to sit down in the office and go through his email while he waited for Die to get ready.

Die actually managed to get most of the way through everything, doing his makeup (some simple eyeliner and shadow) and hair before he went to get dressed. He was happy today for a multitude of reasons, one of which being that he'd purchased red hair dye and had done his hair bright red again. Out of the closet, he pulled a black tank top and a black button-up shirt with 3/4 sleeves, and then found his red metallic underwear, pulling them on. He went to get his packer, digging around, unable to find it. With a frown, he circled the room, finding his jeans from yesterday, digging out the underwear and then crying out in dismay, the smile melting off his face. His baby, his precious baby... was no longer in one piece. "Kaoru!" he cried out, staring down at the rather puppy-shaped gnaw-marks that had pulled the penis part off the balls.

Kaoru's brows pulled together over his nose and he got up, going into the bedroom. "What's wrong, baby?" He didn't need to be told, he looked at Die's packer and his eyes shot wide open, a hand slapping over his mouth. He looked behind him at Makoto sleeping innocently in his bed. "Oh shit..."

For a moment, tears shimmered in Die's eyes before he sighed, going to the trash and tossing it in. There was no fixing it, not something like that. There was no glue in the world that fixed that. Well... maybe something uber-professional that cost more than the damn packer itself did.

Wiping his eyes, he sighed softly. "Sucks," he muttered, more to himself than anything else. He wandered over to the closet, pulling out his red jeans and then getting into them, carefully going about adding things to his pockets. "Do we have enough so that I can get a new one?"

Kaoru felt his heart sink just seeing Die so disappointed. He went over to him and wrapped him in a hug, nodding. "Of course, baby." He rubbed his back and nuzzled at his neck for a moment before pulling away and going to one of his drawers. "Here. I have something I think might cheer you up. I was going to keep it a surprise until Pride, but..." He pulled a t-shirt out of the back of one drawer and tossed it at Die. It was dark blue and in bright yellow letters declared "F*CK TRANSPHOBIA".

Die hugged him back, smiling softly at him. Well, at least he could go get a new one then. Maybe after their date. He caught the shirt and opened it to read it, laughing. "Awesome." He folded it neatly and carefully placed it in the drawer. "So wearing that tomorrow." He wouldn't tonight because he was supposed to be dressed up a bit. "Thanks, baby," he murmured softly as he pulled on his tank and the button-up shirt.

Kaoru smiled, pulling out another shirt and letting it unfurl, holding it at the shoulder seams up against his chest. "I got this one for me." In bold black letters, with a green heart to symbolize the word love, was, "I ♥ my trans boyfriend".

Die grinned at him. "Oh, sweetie... you're so awesome." He moved over to Kaoru, pulling him into his arms and kissing him gently. "Thank you."

Kaoru blushed, kissing him back. "Mm. I try." He smiled and ruffled Die's hair. "You finish getting ready. We can go by a shop I know that usually has standard packers before we go the museum if it makes you feel more comfortable?"

Die shook his head a little. "We can go after, it's okay. I don't want to make our date late." Quickly, he added on his jewelry and then double-checked everything before he went to gently lift sleeping Makoto from his bed. "We should probably put him in the backyard, huh?"

Kaoru nodded, grabbing his keys and everything. "Yeah... and find an obedience class for him. He's started to gnaw." He slipped on his shoes at the back door, wearing his purple pair of Chucks. Bending down to tie them, he looked back at Die and the puppy, glad Die didn't really seem mad at Makoto for being a puppy.

"Mmm... yeah... apparently." He sighed, placing Makoto in a patch of shade, the puppy still asleep because Die was trying hard to be gentle with him. With that done, he went back to get his boots, pulling them on and tying up the laces.

Kaoru waited at the bottom of the steps for Die, realizing they needed to make sure their weekend project was to make the path from the gate to the steps, making mental note of it. He spun his keys around his finger and looked around the yard. "Kyo's date is tonight, too, right?"

"Yup, it sure is!" Die grinned. "I have my phone on vibrate so it doesn't do anything but buzz in the museum if he starts texting me." He chuckled softly, padding after Kaoru, his good mood hard to put down even with his packer being chewed up.

Kaoru unlocked the car and got in, turning the radio off and cranking the engine. It was good to see Die's mood from before finding his eaten packer was still winning out. He backed out of the yard once Die was in the car and buckled and headed down the alley to the street. "I'm really excited about doing this. It feels good, setting aside time for us."

"It does and I'm excited to actually see the art this time, not just the garden part." He reached over, resting one hand on Kaoru's thigh, a smile on his lips.

Kaoru smiled, laying his hand over Die's, petting his fingers. "It's been a few years since I've been, it will be interesting to see if they've changed and what new pieces they've added. There's a small local gallery, and one changing exhibit, too."

Die nodded. "I'd think they probably rotate out every few months and keep a few things the same."

Kaoru shrugged. "A gallery would, but the museum has kept most of the same pieces, though they do rearrange and take some things out of the storage or put others away for restoration." He squeezed Die's hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss. "I hope they still have the Titian... it's a small piece, not even a particularly good work, but I always liked Titian."

Die gave him a bemused look. Kaoru knew so much about this stuff and Die found he himself knew almost nothing of it, despite being so artistic.

Kaoru drove over the bridge into the city, glancing out at the water. He loved being so close to it, making sure his run was along its banks for at least a mile every morning. His fingers splayed and laced with his lover's. "I promise to try and be on my best behavior and not go all _I went to a respected art school_ on you or anything. I just get... really excited about things like this."

Die chuckled. "It's fine. I'm sure I'll learn some stuff and if it gets annoying, I'll excuse myself." He laughed, shaking his head.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, sort of bouncing their joined hands on his thigh. Going through the downtown area in the evening as the sun was just about to kiss the horizon was lovely, made him itch for his camera. He felt like his art was just as much an addiction as the cocaine was, but at least the art wasn't something that destroyed him. Turning onto Main Street, he found a space just a block down from the art museum and pulled in, glad it was just after six and parking was now free. Getting out of the car, he walked around to wait on Die, hands in his pockets.

Once they were parked, Die exited the vehicle, moving to Kaoru's side and reaching for his hand, smiling at his lover. "I love you," he informed him.

Kaoru swung their hands back and forth and smiled, leaning to kiss Die's cheek as they walked towards the corner and then across the street, heading under a lattice-worked tunnel of ivy and through the courtyard to the main doors of the museum. He dropped Die's hand and opened it for him with a little grin.

Blushing a bit, Die slipped inside the building, waiting on Kaoru before they went to the main desk.

The young woman at the desk smiled and handed them both brochures with maps. Students from the local colleges milled around already and there was no charge. Kaoru smiled and thanked her and looked around. There was the rotating exhibit on the first floor, behind the glass doors behind the desk, with the local gallery to its side. Upstairs was the museum's collection, arranged as a chronological walk-through and then segmented into styles on the top floor with more modern pieces. He took Die's hand again and walked to the center of the marble lobby. "Where do you want to start?"

"Completely up to you," he murmured, smiling faintly at him as he looked around at everything.

Kaoru thought for a second. "Do it in chronological order? Start on the second floor, then the top, then come back down here to the changing exhibit and the local stuff?" There was a modern staircase leading up to the second floor, where a skylight let in natural light to small statuary in the center lobby before the gallery.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Die replied with a soft smile. "Shall we?"

Kaoru started up the stairs, up to the lobby. There were some students circling the statues, so he bypassed them for the time being, going to the glass doors into the gallery. The first long room was full of pottery pieces and Byzantine Christian art, a few Egyptian tablets and pieces of jewelry under Plexiglas cases. Kaoru looked down at a gold scarab, rubbing Die's finger with his thumb. "It's weird to think that's been around for five thousand years... that someone made that."

Die peered down at it, nodding, though his attention was really more on the Egyptian tablets, his eyes bright. "You know what saddens me the most? The library in Alexandria burning down. Think of how much was in there that's now gone forever."

Kaoru hummed, nodding. "Yeah... that kind of goes for lots of stuff in history. You wonder what great things have been made and destroyed that we'll never see? Or even... what's out there locked away, hidden within some palace?" He looked over at an oblong painting of a demon tumbling through a glaringly blue sky down into a greenish and amber pit of hell, the gilded frame gleaming dully in the lower lighting of this room, kept low to preserve the pieces as much as possible.

"Yeah... especially in Europe. Museums are amazing there, but somehow I think there's a lot we don't know they have."

Kaoru put his arm around Die's shoulders, walking into the next room, which was well lit and open, the walls lined with pre- and early Renaissance pieces. He nodded and pressed his nose into Die's hair for a moment. "When and if we get married, we should honeymoon in Europe. Just... backpack for a few weeks and see all the museums."

Die's eyes glittered. "Agreed. It's a deal." Something so simple and he knew they'd both love it and have all the fun in the world doing it.

Kaoru smiled, walking over to a medium-sized painting of a girl sewing a tapestry. It was probably from the late thirteenth century - leaning forward to read the plaque, he saw he was right - with muddled perspective, but very clean lines and the restored colors were vibrant. He settled his arm over Die's shoulders comfortably and leaned into him, just looking at the piece.

Die examined it for a long moment, not having any idea what era it was from. His own experience was so limited in time frame, it wasn't even funny.

Kaoru moved on to the next painting, a simple commissioned portrait, looking at the ragged brush strokes around the edges. As he leaned in, Die's phone buzzed, a message from Kyo.

 _Help, I need opinions! Which one?_ A slideshow with three photos was attached, all taken full-body in a full-length mirror. The first, Kyo was wearing tight red jeans with a thin gold belt and black Doc Martens. Under a tuxedo jacket, he wore a V-necked white Ramones t-shirt. In the next, he was wearing the same boots with dark grey jeans that fit a bit more loosely, a pyramid studded belt looped around his hips rather than actually through the belt loops, topped with a saffron vintage tee with a dark brown button-up shirt over it, buttoned most of the way and rolled up above his elbows. In the last photo, he was wearing different boots with loose-legged black slacks stuffed into the unlaced tops, with a soft blue dress shirt tucked into it with the first few buttons undone and the tuxedo jacket from the first outfit over it. _I haven't got a fucking clue how to wear my hair, either._

Die gave a little start when his phone vibrated in his pants, giggling and then pulling his phone out. Flipping through the photos, he laughed softly, texting him back. _Last one, definitely. Just be normal with your hair, add a tiny bit of eyeliner and some nice cologne and woo the pants off him._ Sending it, he grinned happily.

Kyo was glad he was still wearing the last outfit, because he was almost making himself late. _I don't know about the eyeliner... maybe. I hate that I already really like this guy, I feel like I'm setting myself up, and then I feel like an idiot for thinking like that, too._ He got up and went into the bathroom to start blow-drying his hair, which was still damp from his shower, flipping it out slightly, but otherwise making it fairly straight, with a far side part.

 _Don't toss it down like that. I'm sure it'll be fine, Kyo._ Die sent the reply and smiled to himself, looping his arm around Kaoru's waist.

Kaoru blushed, hugging Die's arms around him. "That Kyo?" he asked, tugging Die along with him past the next few portraits.

"Yeah. He wanted to know what outfit to dress in."

Kaoru laughed loudly, clapping a hand over his mouth. "That is too cute." He shook his head, standing with Die in front of a large full body portrait of a French noble. He stared up at it, his eyes growing progressively wider, jaw slackening. "Oooh, I love this one." He sighed and rubbed Die's arm. "The lightening is so expressive. It isn't even so much the realism as the way it's used to draw attention to certain points, like how it highlights his face? And the way the window pattern falls over the velvet draped over the chair... the shaft of light is amazing, and his shadow following across the floor and up the wall..." He looked at the plaque, dating it in the mid-fifteenth century. "The perspective is really advanced for this era. And the brush strokes... I love how they fan out and become more detectable in the heavy color-wash areas, but they're so smooth and blended on his skin and in the details." He stared with a heavy sigh and then blushed. "Sorry..."

Die peered at the painting, looking at each thing that Kaoru pointed out, more than happy to let Kaoru talk and take it in while he did. "Don't be sorry. It's interesting!"

Kaoru hung his head a little, biting his lip. "I guess I have more hang-ups from Seung than I thought... He used to always tell me when I'd go off like that, ‘I get it, you went to the Art Institute!’ and made me feel like I was being pretentious." He tried to shrug it off, moving on towards the next painting. It bothered him that three years after the relationship, Seung's abuse still haunted him.

Die gave him a horrified look. "Baby... he was a fucking asshole and deserved more than I gave him."

"I still can't believe you punched him..." Kaoru smiled a little, letting Die know he was certainly not mad about that. The smile faded quickly though and he stopped for a minute, turning towards Die. "I... I guess I have a lot more baggage than I realize sometimes, and... I'm sorry it gets brought up at weird points. I'm ashamed of myself for believing he loved me all those years, for not seeing how... twisted and cruel he was and being blinded by my own need to just have _someone_ that I let him abuse me, physically, for almost a year before it finally went too far." He bit his lip hard, putting his arms around Die and hugging him tight. "It's one of the reasons I love you so much, because I know you'd never hurt me, and I know you love me back."

Die just folded Kaoru into his arms. "Baby... it's okay. You can't help the past. What's done is done and all we can do is show you how things should really be, one day at a time."

Kaoru nodded and gave Die a squeeze before letting go, walking around the room to view the last few pieces there. Coming back he reached and laced his fingers with Die's, blushing a little. "Thank you... I know I seem to hound you sometimes about the romance, but... you're really good to me."

"I don't think you hound me. I think you just desire something I'm not that good at and you're trying to teach me, which is more than okay."

Kaoru looked at Die for a moment before leaning to kiss him, licking his lips when he pulled back and giving a little smile. A younger couple was walking into the room just as he leaned back and began to walk towards the room they had just come from and he saw something pass over their faces, something like acceptance or even relief, both college-aged and attractive, the taller blonde slipping his arm around his auburn-haired boyfriend. Kaoru bit the inside of his lip, turning back to Die once they'd passed them and smiled. "I love being a good influence like that... it's another thing that's different about you and Seung; he never really wanted to show affection in public. I love that you do, like you want to show me off."

Die watched the couple as well, smiling at them. There was nothing wrong with being who you were and if someone thought there was, they were just jealous. Most of the people he'd seen complain were in unhappy relationships with assholes that didn't understand that significant others enjoyed being known as such in a public place. It was part of being human and Die loved being someone who could give a rat's ass what people thought. At least... in that area of his life. In everything else, he wanted everyone to like him. But with his relationships, he felt that the pull was greater toward keeping the other half happy. "I do show you off."

Kaoru blushed and hugged Die around the waist, smiling. The next room was smaller, with pieces more or less exclusively from the fifteenth century, one or two from the early fourteenth, with a pink and cream damask chaise lounge on a raised section in the center, blocked off with black velvet rope. The wood was a pink ivory, polished to a gleaming shine. Kaoru cocked his head and studied a landscape of Delphi, noting a damaged portion at the bottom corner, looking as though the canvas were singed.

Die stared at the lounge for a long moment, debating if it was art or some odd VIP section randomly placed there. Once he decided it must be art, he turned his attention to the piece Kaoru was staring at.

Kaoru rubbed the small of Die's back, turning his attention over a large portrait labeled "David," but that looked more like a robust nobility youthful female, draped in a leopard skin. The cheeks were rosy, the eyes a vibrant, innocent, oblivious sea-grey. The skin tone was like peach-glazed porcelain. Kaoru cocked his brow, not sure what to think of it.

Die moved along with him, giving the portrait a surprised look before he looked at Kaoru, seeing if he was giving it an odd look. Chuckling at what he found, he squeezed his arm around Kaoru's waist tighter.

Kaoru shrugged a little. "I'm sure there's some sort of allegory here, but... I don't get it."

Die shrugged. "Leave it at like... what... fifteenth century trans?"

Kaoru laughed, leaning into Die. "Alright, that works." The other paintings were rather lackluster, parlor dressings for nobles, obviously. The next room had a few cabinets and one hand-stitched jacket on the center, the walls hung with mostly Baroque pieces, a few rococo tied in. The retrograde in art quality in trade for more commoner subject matter was interesting to Kaoru, made him a bit envious he was not a painter, especially with the opinion most hands-on artists had for photographers. He studied one portrait that was reminiscent of Girl with a Pearl Earring, only the male version, it seemed, with a young man wearing a pearl ring over a supple black leather glove.

Again, Die trailed along after Kaoru, peering around the rooms, wondering what he was thinking to himself about the pieces, but not asking for some reason.

At the far wall, leading into the next room which started into late Baroque and early impressionist pieces, was a small piece of a girl peeling potatoes. Her head was tilted as though hung and though restored, the colors seemed muted. Kaoru licked his lips and stared at it, muttering, "The brush strokes seem trapped..."

Die listened to him, though he couldn't quite figure out what he meant by trapped. "How so?" he finally asked, wanting to know what Kaoru was thinking in more detail.

Kaoru tilted his head back the other way, thinking. "I'm not sure... they feel so short, like each one has been second guessed, blotted on." He looked more closely. "Except for her lips..." Indeed, the lines were smooth and curving, fluid, making them stand out amongst the dabbed-on feel of the rest of the brush strokes.

"Oh," Die peered closer and then tilted his head, nodding a bit. "It does kinda look like that."

Kaoru hummed a little, shrugging it off and going into the next room with impressionist paintings and a few British landscapes.

Die padded after him, peering around, finding everything of interest to him, though honestly he was kind of waiting on the modern stuff so he could actually show Kaoru he knew something for once.

Kaoru's hand swung out and hooked pinkies with Die, grinning at him a little. The next room started back a little with early American painting that bled into a small, dark room with a tacky glass chandelier and some stained glass pieces that apparently had nowhere else to really fit. Kaoru looked at the chandelier after gazing around the American pieces with mild interest, his nose scrunched up. "God that thing is fucking ugly..."

Die immediately saw the chandelier, laughing softly. "Dude. That thing seriously _is_ ugly. Majorly ugly. And I adore chandeliers."

Kaoru feigned retching. "It looks like it's made of fucking plastic. I always want to throw a brick through it. I mean, if it were postmodern? Then I'd kind of get it... but it's late 1800's. Unacceptably tacky as shit."

Die had to laugh at that. "Yeah... it kinda does look like it's made of plastic."

Kaoru chuckled and tugged Die into a small room with a few more American paintings before the larger room with the early modern pieces. Upstairs was a small gallery of post-modern and contemporary and mixed medium work and he figured Die would be much more interested there.

Die peered around the new room, still mostly quiet, his gaze flickering over to the stairs leading to the top floor.

Kaoru followed his gaze, noting there was no one around. Rather spontaneously, he grabbed Die at the small of his back and the back of his neck, pulling him in for a rather hard kiss.

Die gasped softly, leaning into it and kissing him back rather desperately. This was heaven, really and truly.

Kaoru moaned a little and swiped his tongue against Die's lips before pulling back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand with a tiny huff. "Nn... sorry. Had to steal that." He smirked and looped his arm through Die's, walking slowly around the room before heading towards the stairs.

Die gave a soft laugh. "Hey, I'm good with it. Do you see me complaining?" Not in the least, nor would he ever. Bounding up the stairs, the first thing he saw was an amazing teapot with the label _Iron Maiden Teapot_. "Awesome!"

Kaoru got dragged along with him, giggling behind his hand that Die suddenly seemed like a kid in a candy store. He wondered if it was the kiss or the art.

Grinning he went up to it, peering at it from a few angles before moving to the next table, holding a gorgeous green-ish colored vase with a peacock-type look to it. "Interesting."

Kaoru followed along, looking at the vase. "Wow... my drag queen wants to steal that so bad right now." He pecked Die's cheek and avoided temptation, wandering over to an art nouveau print.

Die laughed, shaking his head. "Of course. It's freaking fabulous." He examined a few more pieces on the tables before wandering over to the same wall Kaoru was on, pausing in front of a piece labeled _Banks of the Ashley River_ by Alfred Hutty. He just admired the trees in the painting, his fingers fluttering about a foot away from the painting before he dropped his hand, uttering, "Gorgeous," under his breath.

Kaoru watched him, wishing he had his camera. He let Die have his moment before walking over, slipping an arm around his waist. "Like it?" He personally thought there was something that felt... hopeless, about it. But very peaceful, at once. He tugged Die's arm around his shoulders and waited for a response.

He nodded. "I wish I could take it home with me. Do you think they sell prints or something?"

Kaoru gave a little shrug. "We'll look in the gift shop before we leave. I think it's still open." He kissed Die's ear delicately. "You could be on these walls one day, baby."

Die blushed. "Ah... no, I don't think I could, hunny." Biting his lips a bit, he shifted over to look at a photograph of a couple of silos with some platforms. The lighting was exquisite. "Love the lighting."

Kaoru followed him, giving a nod, standing slightly behind Die. "Yeah," he rubbed his eyebrow a bit. "The frame is good, it makes the curves of the silos feel almost disorienting, but the light draws your eye down to the ground and gives it a solid focal point."

Die nodded. "Really nice work." Moving around the room the only other thing he stopped at was a round Japanese piece from the Meiji period. The various flowers drew him to stare at it for a good while before gesturing at it. "Like it?"

Kaoru seemed almost sad, looking at it. He nodded though, a tiny smile on his lips. "Reminds me of my grandmother... she had a kimono that she wore when she was a girl framed up in her tokonoma that looked similar... it was probably the most expensive thing she owned."

Die gently hugged Kaoru, smiling softly. "It's gorgeous."

Kaoru hugged him back with a smile in return, hating that the contemporary gallery was so small, but they weren't a particularly large city and the museum only had so much funding. There were still the two small galleries downstairs with local artists and the rotating exhibit, after all. "Ready to head back down?"

Die nodded, glancing at the trees painting again before he headed down toward the stairs.

Kaoru headed down both flights of stairs and back into the lobby, cutting across to the glass doors into the small one-room gallery with the exhibit. Three free-standing walls added more space and he looked around excitedly; the exhibit was all black and white photography from the 1920's to the early 1960's. "Ooooh, I'm in heaven!"

Now it was Kaoru's turn to look like a kid in a candy store. He grabbed Die's hand and looked around, trying to identify which way the gallery was meant to be viewed. There wasn't any real flow to it, so he simply started at the left wall, hung in one section with three photos, one from 1920, one from 1940, and the last from 1960, all of women posed like Bonnie Parker in front of a car. Kaoru smirked, noting the minute differences. Leaning forward, he realized the first two were taken by the same man, and, reading the plaque, that the last was of his wife, and taken by his daughter, a year after his death.

Die padded along after him, smiling and watching how Kaoru reacted to the photos. He thought he'd enjoy this part more for the fact that Kaoru was going to be super happy about it than anything else, though he did love photography.

Most of the photos were candid shots, all but a few with people as subjects. The overall feel was wartimes, from after the first World War through the second, and into Korea and Vietnam. It was perhaps more interesting for Kaoru, feeling like the collection was meant to resonate more with an American audience, and he felt like it made it more objective for him. He wondered how Die saw it but wasn't particularly sure how to phrase the question properly in order to ask.

Die moved along, studying the photos with more the eye he'd use for work than from a personal view. It just seemed to fit what he was looking at to use that viewpoint rather than the emotional one.

As Kaoru moved through the gallery, he realized the two spaces in between the free standing walls were like little hallways of loss; the one nearest the glass doors was all either prints of funerals of memorials, or one in particular of a woman fallen to her knees on the front porch, gripping the hand of an army officer, taken from inside the house, obviously having just been told her husband or perhaps son had died in the war. All of these were from World War II, the other space with Vietnam. He stood and stared at the photo of the woman, looked at the army officer's face, at his partner turned away as though embarrassed. He wondered who in their right mind had decided to take the photo, who had a camera and didn't know, or was not affected by the obvious, that someone had died? The resulting piece was moving and blunt, but it left much to the imagination on the real scenario of things.

Die followed Kaoru down the little aisle, finding himself staring at the same piece, tears in his eyes. Gritting his teeth, he bowed his head. His hands pushed into his pockets and he moved forward, still glancing at each piece, but finding it hard to do it for long without feeling like he was going to end up with tears running down his face.

Kaoru let him walk ahead, frowning at his back. After a moment, he caught up to him, putting his arms around him. "Hey..." He rubbed Die's bicep a bit. "You alright?"

For a second Die tensed and then nodded his head a little. "Yeah... just..." he gestured at the photos, "upsetting."

Kaoru hugged him tightly around his narrow waist. "I know..." As if compensating for it, or perhaps even just as sad seeing as the moment the movement became mainstream, it lost all its light, the last several photos were of the hippie era, naked girls in fields of flowers, leaping around like sprites, and bearded young men around a campfire.

Die leaned into the touch, able to look at the last few photos without feeling like he was going to burst into tears.

Kaoru kept an arm around Die as they looked over the rest of the exhibit, then nodded his head towards the glass door into the small, rather plainly set up local gallery. "Ready?"

Die nodded. "Yeah," he took one last glance at the exhibit and then headed for the door.

Kaoru blinked, looking around the room. Three different artists of very different mediums were displayed: an abstract painter, a macro photographer, and a collage artist. There were hardly a dozen of each artist and the whole room was stark white. He tilted his head at the abstract pieces, mostly large, caked on swathes of bright colors.

"Wow... um..." Die just stopped there, finding that to be plenty for what he had to say.

Kaoru lowered his voice for a moment, despite the fact they were the only ones in the room. "Maybe I'm just bitter, but... I hate how local artists get chosen sometimes just for being loud... maybe it's a poor selection of pieces and it just isn't cohesive enough to get the point, but... I mean really." He shrugged. "I don't see anything particularly impressive about it. And I feel really bitchy saying that."

Die laughed. "Thank you for saying what I was thinking... only nicer."

Kaoru bit his lip and reached behind himself, grabbing Die's wrists and tugging his arms around himself. "Mm, we obviously spend too much time together," he teased, his tone clearly conveying that he could stand just a while longer. He moved on to the macros, instead, left feeling equally flat. "They're good? But I mean... good photos is all about money for good equipment... they're pretty and the composition is nice, but they just don't feel... alive." He sighed, leaning back into Die. "I think maybe I'm just bitter..."

Die shook his head. "Let me put it this way," he murmured softly. "I hate my own work and I feel like I should be in here and it'd make it better." He pulled a face. "Hell, what I drew when I was twelve would at least have emotion in it."

Kaoru squeezed Die's hands. "Baby, your work is amazing. And yeah, your stuff would blow this shit out of the water, because you put your heart behind it." The collages were interesting. Tea stained and water-colored, with real feeling behind them, skeleton keys painted with fingernail polish and buttons hammered through with nails there were too large and cracked them, the heads still pinning them against the board. "These I like... at least somebody in this city's got some talent." He turned his head and kissed Die's cheek. "Her and you, of course, baby."

Die blushed at the last part. "Hey, don't forget you." He nudged Kaoru, maybe a little too hard, but still.

Kaoru blushed and ignored it, looking over the other collages, noting tiny details like torn off fake fingernails, heat-sensitive paper that looked like receipts that had been sort of painted on with a lighter, Polaroids thumb printed around their edges during development. He noted the name, Ainsley Muller, and nodded. He'd have to snoop around and see if maybe any of his friends knew her. He wanted to put a face to the art.

"This part is at least interesting," Die murmured, peering hard at one of the pieces.

Kaoru nodded, looking at the last one set on the floor and leaning back against the wall rather than hung. It was done like a shadow box, like a few of the others, but the glass was streaked with black handprints and the piece behind was hard to see at all. Kaoru couldn't help but laugh, feeling some cynical, chaotic thing had made it and finding it rather... well, genius. "I think I'm in love, baby. These pieces are crazy, and crazy amazing."

Die smiled, leaning in and peering at the tag on the last one. "It's for sale."

"Yeah, for way more than we can afford, unfortunately..." He rubbed Die's arm. "Gift shop, then garden? I can't help it, I'm attached to it. It's hard not to be, that's the place where we first kissed."

"Well... we'll see." If he got some huge sum for doing stuff for Kyo's friends and Kyo, then he'd see about giving it to Kaoru for a gift later down the road. He nodded in agreement about the gift shop and garden. "It holds good memories."

With a smile, Kaoru left the gallery and walked back across the lobby towards the gift shop, which was still open. Immediately, he started looking around, trying to spot a print or even post card of the painting Die had seemed to fall in love with upstairs.

Die wandered around, fingering some random items in the shop, finally finding a letter opener with something that looked like pearl on the handle. He examined it for a long few moments before checking the price. It was obviously fake given the price, but he thought it was nice and went to the counter with it, paying quickly and having the lady wrap it up before Kaoru could see. Then, bag in hand, he wandered around looking for a print of the painting as well.

Kaoru was over at a poster rack, flipping through. A rolled up poster was already under his arm. "Found it!" he announced, waving it and then holding it out to Die. He then eyed the bag. "What'd you get?"

Die reached out and gave him the bag, taking the poster. "For you, baby." Not that he had a clue if Kaoru was going to like it or not.

Kaoru gave him a little curious look and took the bag, digging through it rather comically, unwrapping the letter opener and smirking. He leaned forward, hugging around Die's neck and kissing him. "You're one of those _just because_ gift givers, aren't you?" he asked, smiling.

Die blushed a bit, but nodded. "Sometimes I feel like something's right, so I just get it."

Kaoru bit his lip in a little smile, turning the letter opener over before putting it back into the bag. "Thank you."

Die nodded, holding onto his poster print, looking around. "Anything else?" he asked softly.

Kaoru looked around and shrugged. "Naw, I'm good."

The redhead moved off to the counter, quickly paying for his poster and then sliding it into the offered plastic bag, taping the end shut before he headed back to Kaoru with a smile. "Where should we hang it?" Maybe on the wall in the office where he'd yet to put Kyo's posters back up, still too embarrassed to do so.

Kaoru looped his arm around Die's waist, walking out and cutting caddy corner across the courtyard to the sculpture garden. "Wherever you want, baby. Maybe over the short bookcase in the parlor?"

Die thought about it and then agreed softly, thinking it to be a rather nice idea. Then it would be where he'd see it more often anyway. "So... I was actually kind of thinking to start selling some of the stuff Kyo signed so we have some money. What do you think?"

Kaoru pondered it for a moment. "If it's really just about the money and you don't want to let them go, then don't. But if the whole friendship thing has made you okay with parting with some of it, sure." He shrugged. "I mean, we can always use the extra cash." He licked and then pursed his lips. "Actually... I've kind of been thinking... about maybe us getting a joint bank account? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, what's mine is yours, already, anyway."

There was that. But at least the magazines, he felt okay with parting with, except the two interviews Kaoru had done. Those were not things he wanted to let go of, not in the least. At the second bit, he glanced up and smiled softly. "Yeah? I wouldn't mind it."

"Really?" Kaoru smiled a little. It seemed small, but it was such a big gesture to how serious they were about the relationship, and Die hardly even hesitating in agreeing to it was making Kaoru much happier than just combining their finances. He stepped under an archway and into the street-side of the garden where they'd walked through on their first date, leaning and resting his head on Die's shoulder.

"Really really." Not that he was going to just randomly use what wasn't earned by him, but he figured most couples combined their finances. Plus they'd keep their own accounts and if they were saving for something, then they could keep it in their own still. Like Christmas gifts. He smiled to himself on that thought .

It was almost completely dark out now and a few students milled around the sculptures, lit up with their solar lights. He wandered over to the Rodin copy, hugging onto Die's arm rather amorously.

Smirking to himself, Die gently tugged Kaoru off the main path, pulling him close and cupping his cheek, lifting his head and then placing a rather affectionate kiss upon those lips.

Kaoru shivered, anticipating the kiss, slipping his hand to the back of Die's neck and returning it with a tender passion, tugging him close around the waist and purring slightly. He parted his lips slightly and fit them to Die's, a bit in awe to be back in this place where he'd first felt and tasted those lips, and to know that now they were as essential to him as breathing.

When Die pulled away, his eyes were bright with happiness and he just smiled at Kaoru, his fingertips trailing down his cheek. "I love you."

Kaoru bit his lip, blushing softly and letting the words sink in. He pressed himself against Die and fit against his chest, slouching just to be able to have his face pressing against his lover's neck. "Love you, too, pumpkin..."

Die grinned. "Pumpkin... I like that," he murmured.

Kaoru blushed again. "It's the one thing I really like about English is the terms of endearment, so... I use them a lot." He took Die's hand and started back around the garden, looking over at the vine-covered nook with the nymph and her lover cast in bronze, hidden away, almost unseen in the light. He looked at Die a bit mischievously. "Wanna go make out like teenagers for a little bit?"

Die couldn't help but chuckle and then nodded. "Sure, why the hell not?"

Kaoru grinned and made as discreet a beeline as he could over to it, listening to make sure no one was already in there doing exactly what he was planning to do with Die, before slipping in and sitting himself on the brick wall around the small enclosure. One of the lights shining onto the statue was dead and the other was on its way out, leaving it rather dim and intimate. He hooked his finger in Die's belt loop and tugged him between his legs, much like their first time here. "C'mere, sexy."

Die felt almost giddy doing this again with Kaoru. Something about it honestly put him right on edge and he wished like hell he actually had a real penis so he could fuck the hell out of Kaoru in this little area. He seriously needed to find a way to go about having sex with him somewhere that was public that Kaoru wouldn't mind again. Slipping between Kaoru's legs, he immediately pressed close, spearing one hand in his hair and slamming his mouth against Kaoru's.

Kaoru gasped at the hand in his hair just before Die's mouth crashed into his own. His fingers found their way under Die's shirt and moved around to the small of his back, rubbing against his skin. His tongue darted out and licked along Die's bottom lip, head tilted up towards him like a flower's face to sunlight. It was scary knowing that he would do anything for Die, but he felt better trusting that his lover would never abuse that power.

Moaning softly, Die pulled Kaoru closer with a hand on his ass, grinding against him a bit while he damn near shoved his tongue down Kaoru's throat. He wasn't really sure what had him riled up, but his body just informed him he wanted as much as he could get from this.

Kaoru just rolled with it, letting Die's tongue explore his mouth and pulling him closer by the front of his shirt, spreading his legs more and wrapping them around Die's waist. For a long time, he felt like Die was oversexed, that he couldn't keep up with him and even wondered if Die couldn't care less about having sex with _him_ so much as just getting off. But just then, whether it was selective thinking or not, he felt like Die wanted him that bad all the time, and the resulting feeling of importance and sexiness was just damned delightful.

Shifting, Die moved his hand up Kaoru's back and then down again to his ass, cupping it and then squeezing before he actually realized what he was doing. Drawing back from the kiss, he moved his hand to rest on Kaoru's thigh, his head bowed while he caught his breath, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. Panting softly, he took his hand from Kaoru's hair, pushing it through his own while he tried to calm down. What the hell was it with him and public places?

Kaoru chuckled at him softly, leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Alright, my randy boy... want to just skip the making out, go find you a new cock, then get back home for some sex?"

Die blushed a bit and then shook his head a little. If Kaoru wanted making out that wasn't him groping all over him, then he'd give it to him. "Just give me a minute," he murmured.

Kaoru leaned back on his hands, legs still tucked around Die's waist, waiting.

After a few moments Die managed to settle down, slowly moving back toward Kaoru, trying to figure out what Kaoru wanted out of a make-out session. What did normal people do during such things? Maybe... he shifted in, making sure he wasn't pressed all the way against him. His hand moved to his arm and he moved to gently kiss his lips, trying to be slow about it.

Kaoru shivered, his eyes falling shut at the softness of the kiss. Die was usually all-out, hard and fast and right-fucking-now, which made his tender moments world-stoppers. His arms came around Die's neck and he moaned softly in approval, kissing him back in some sort of wordless sign for, "I love you, crazy, horny man," leaning back as a means of tugging Die closer to him.

Die continued on with the kiss, making sure it didn't get any more aggressive than that. His kisses were short and gentle, his hands not really moving from anywhere else.

Kaoru was in heaven, one hand resting on Die's chest, the other in his hair, feeding off his kisses. He was just starting to become aggressive, taking over the kisses and sliding his tongue just along the inside of Die's lips, when two college girls walked into the alcove and then stopped, one of them shouting, "Oh!" and looking embarrassed as Kaoru broke away to look at them rather shocked. They quickly backed out of the space and all but ran, muttering apologies in high-pitched voices. Kaoru blinked for a moment and then started laughing.

Die made a tiny whimpering sound when Kaoru's kisses became more aggressive. He was almost certain it was for him and it confused him beyond belief. He jerked back when he heard the girl's voice, staring at the pair as they rushed off. Well then. That was that.

He pushed Die back gently and hopped down from the wall. "I think that's our cue to head out. Come on." He winked a little and took Die's hand, moving to head out of the space.

Blinking a bit, Die scratched his head and then nodded. "Guess so."

Kaoru laced their fingers and hung the bag with the letter opener around his wrist, walking slowly back to the car. The city was beautiful at night down Main Street, and it was even better with Die. He took a deep breath of the air, crisp with late summer, and leaned heavily into his lover's side.

"How they reacted was kind of funny," Die admitted softly, hoping Kaoru agreed.

Kaoru snickered, nodding. "They seemed mortified." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and hit the remote, his lights flashing as they reached the car and he dropped Die's hand, going around to the driver's side and getting in, setting his bag on the floor of the seat behind him.

Die carefully tucked his poster in the back, sitting down and shutting the door. He buckled his seat belt and sniffed a bit.

Kaoru backed out of the space, putting it in gear and then heading over toward the northeast side of town where there was a rather well-stocked sex shop he was sure had packers, or might know where they could find or order one. He reached across the console and laid his hand palm up on Die's thigh in silent request to hold his hand.

Die blinked at him and then tilted his head, reaching to link his hand with Kaoru's. "I hope they have a cheap one for now. I'll get a better one when I have a stable job."

Kaoru gave a little nod. "They should have one that will make due, something just to keep you from feeling like a woman from the waist down all the time." He rubbed his thumb along Die's. "How's that whole job search going, anyway?"

"Been too busy with the job Kyo sent me to do anything else really. But I've made up my resume and a portfolio, so I should be ready when this is done to send it out."

Kaoru nodded a little, turning onto a frontage road to get to the tucked-away shop. "I can always find work doing weddings or something if we get really tight for cash. We're not broke right now; we just... need to watch what we spend. This, I consider a necessity, so, I'm not worrying about it, but my love for clothes and expensive food is going to have to get cut back."

Die nodded a bit. "I've got some places I intend to apply to and a few places I'm going to see if they might buy some of my work or at least put it on consignment."

"Thank god for somebody with their priorities straight," Kaoru noted with a smirk, pulling into the parking lot of the discreetly labeled sex store. He parked and got out, waiting for Die to get out so he could lock the car with a remote. This was not exactly the safest neighborhood, after all.

Die laughed. "The only priorities I don't keep straight are my sexual urges, baby. And I'm trying on that, I swear."

Kaoru didn't comment, not really sure what to say on the issue anymore; it was something he felt like they always bickered about, but just couldn't see eye-to-eye on and he'd rather make due than cause more tension. Putting a hand at the small of Die's back, he opened the door and went in, pulling out his ID and handing it to the attendant at the front to hold onto until they were ready to leave.

Die did the same thing, the attendant staring at the gender part and then looking rather obviously at his chest. Die sighed. "I'm trans, get over it. I'm here for a packer." The guy turned several shades of tomato and waved him past, apologizing quietly.

Stalking over towards the wall of things that looked like it might be what he wanted, he started to look. The attendant cleared his throat and Die turned his head, giving him a raised eyebrow.

"Packers are over there," the man informed him.

"Thanks," Die muttered, wandering toward the glass shelving that he'd been pointed towards, leaning over the cabinet to stare at the various ones. They were large and small, short and long, some with the balls more textured and some with just round lumps as balls. There were cut and uncut ones and various colors. Die pointed at one that was about his skin tone, the same length as his old one but with slightly more defined balls. "Like that one?"

Kaoru bit his lip and just followed along behind Die. Once they finally got to the selection of packers, he blinked, finding this a new and rather interesting process - actually getting to help pick out his partner's cock. He tilted his head and looked at the one Die had pointed to. "Mm. It looks pretty similar. I'd have to feel it, though, honestly. I liked your old one; it wouldn't feel like you when I grope on you if it was a different material or something."

"Yeah, good point." He glanced back at the shop guy. "Can you open the cabinet so we can see what these feel like?"

The man agreeably came out to help them, unlocking the cabinet and then walking off again without a word.

Die shifted around the cabinet, opening the sliding glass and reaching in for the one he'd been looking at, feeling it and then handing it to Kaoru.

Kaoru looked excited, taking the plastic cock and fondling it. He pondered like he was tasting wine. "It feels about the same... a little thicker, but, I think it's accurate. You're always half-hard." He winked playfully and handed it back, waiting to see if Die possibly liked any of the other ones.

Die actually burst out laughing at that. "Well... there's that." Smirking, he moved to grab two others out, one a little shorter in the length department and the other a slightly different texture, the balls less defined. He offered them to Kaoru to feel.

Kaoru molested them both rather liberally before handing them back, the shorter one first, "That one's pretty similar, too," and then the other, "but that one feels funny." He wrinkled his nose a little.

Die laughed, taking the second and putting it back carefully on the shelf, straightening a few around it to be more attractively arranged. Then he took the smaller one and put it against himself, letting his hand roam over his body for a moment. After careful consideration, he did the same to the first one, taking hold of it and slowly stroking it. "Mmm... this one... I like it."

Kaoru bit the inside of his lip while he watched Die stroke the fake cock. At the decision, he gave a little nod, tucking his hands into his pocket and waiting to follow Die's lead back to the counter, or if there was something else he wanted to look for.

Die put the shorter one back and looked at the model number on the one he was holding, memorizing it and then putting it back as well before going to the desk. "MD30 please," he told the guy, who nodded, heading off to the back room. He fondled some of the lubes, trying some of the samples while he waited, finding one that he gasped and then let out a soft moan at the feeling. "Oh, hunny, try this."

Kaoru looked at the lube Die was rubbing between his fingers, noting that it looked a bit like cum. He dabbed a bit onto his finger and felt it, silky smooth. "Ooooh..." Looking around quickly, he pushed his hand up under Die's shirt and rubbed his lubed finger over one of his lover's nipples, grabbing him and kissing his jaw.

Die shivered, gasping softly. "Oh god... we're buying this." He wiped his hand on his pants and snatched the large bottle of it off the shelf. He shoved it on the counter, blushing faintly.

Kaoru chuckled lowly, shifting with his hands still in his pockets like he was turning to look back at the store as a concealing gesture to press his dick against Die's thigh to let him feel that he was getting hard.

Die let out a tiny gasp, smirking as he moved his thigh against him. "This lube is... definitely going to be used, that's for sure."

Kaoru's smirk was imperceptible to anyone but Die, who would know exactly what to look for by now. He shifted back and waited for the attendant to return so they could make their purchase and head home.

When the attendant came back, Die smiled at him, handing over his credit card to pay for the packer and the lube. He got their IDs back and signed the receipt as the guy put the items in the bag, adding in a few samples of other lubes and massage oils, as well as a handful of condoms. "Thanks for shopping here," he muttered out, looking more bored than anything.

Die just nodded, taking Kaoru's hand and leading him out of the store and toward the car. "I seriously need to get my damn ID changed."

Kaoru cranked the car, thinking a second. "You haven't done that yet, have you?" He assumed Die probably would have made a big deal out of it. After all, that meant not only was he passing as male, he was also partially legally documented as such. "You need to change your address, too. Two birds with one stone, I guess. I already changed mine; I had to for my immigration papers."

"Not yet. I couldn't get back in to see the top surgeon without paying more and then I was so nervous with the other surgery I completely forgot to ask." He shrugged a bit. "I'm gonna call both and see if I can just get copies of my medical files sent and then talk to the clinic here to give me the paper that says I'm living as a male and have been for a few years now."

"Sounds like a good plan," Kaoru agree, reaching over and squeezing Die's knee. "It really shouldn't cost you anything to change your ID other than just paying for the new license itself."

Die nodded. "If I play my cards right, I hope it won't." He smiled at him. "Mm... I can't wait to get home and see how he fits in my underwear," he murmured softly, staring down at the packer.

There was a pregnant pause before Kaoru could control himself no more. He burst out laughing, pulling up to the stop light and sagging over the steering wheel. "Baby! Oh shit..." He snorted twice and then sat back up, calming down. " _Fuck_ , you're cute."

Die blushed something awful, ending up laughing in embarrassment. "Hey! You'd want to know how your dick felt in your pants if yours was removable, too!"

"I feel like that needs to be some romantic comedy title; My Boyfriend's Removable Dick." He smirked and squeezed Die's knee again before patting it, heading across the bridge back to their side of town.

Die stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing, hiding his face in his hands while he let out laughter that sounded more like an orgasm than anything else.

Kaoru's dick perked back up from earlier in the store. "Mm, baby, why do you have to make sounds like that? Makes it hard to concentrate." 

"I can't," more laughter rang out, "help it!"

Kaoru cut his eyes at Die and grinned, pulling down their street and then down the alley and into the yard, cutting the engine and getting out, going to open the gate. Makoto immediately bolted out and ran to the passenger side of the car for Die. Kaoru frowned a little, watching him go. "Little snot, I feed you, too!"

It took Die almost the entire time getting to the house for him to calm down. Blushing something awful, he pushed open the door and started to get out. Immediately he was being barked at by a bouncing Makoto. He grinned down at him, put the bag over his wrist, and then got out, scooping the pup up in his arms. "Who's my baby, hmm? Who's daddy's widdle doggy?" He scritched Makoto's belly, pushing the car door closed with his foot.

Kaoru rolled his eyes and rubbed Makoto's head as he passed to grab Die's poster and his bag with the letter opener out, then locked the car and head up the porch steps, slipping off his shoes and unlocking the house. He set the bags on the counter and immediately put water and food in Makoto's bowls before going to take off his jewelry, setting the necklace and watch off on their own on the corner of the dresser, always keeping them separate, and tossing his socks in the hamper before coming back, pulling his hair up into a full ponytail.

Die padded inside, placing Makoto by his bowls and then going about washing up his hands before going back to kick off his shoes. With that done, he headed for the bedroom, passing by Kaoru and giving him a peck on the cheek as he passed. In the bedroom, he tore into the container holding his packer, quickly removing it and then going about opening his pants and adjusting the packer in his underwear. With that done, he set the lube on his nightstand and put all the container pieces back in the bag and came out, fastening up his pants. "Come grope me, baby!"

Kaoru gave a dark chuckle, stepping out of the guest room, where he'd set the letter opener on his desk, and slid up behind Die. One hand went to rub at his stomach, the other vigorously molesting his crotch. "Hnnn, yeah... this is perfect. It feels like you're a little turned on, but it's not so big you _look/i > hard." He nipped Die's neck and gave his cock another squeeze before pulling away, just to see what Die would do._

_As Kaoru was groping him, he could actually almost pretend it was his own dick. His hips arched into it and then Kaoru was pulling away. Letting out a whine, he stared at Kaoru for a moment, debating jumping him, but then deciding against it. Sometimes he needed to exercise a little control and he felt like especially after what he'd done earlier, today needed to be that kind of day. "So... it's a good match then?" he asked, peering down at his crotch, liking the shape of the bulge._

_Kaoru resisted the urge to quirk a brow at Die not pushing the issue and went into the kitchen, patting his lover's crotch as he passed. "Very good match. Do you wanna finish off the wine from dinner?" He reached for the half a bottle of red sitting on the counter._

_Die followed him in, nodding a little. "Yeah, sure." After all, wine didn't last long after it was opened._

_Kaoru gave a nod and grabbed two large bell glasses from the cabinet, splitting the rest of the bottle into them and then rinsing it out and putting it at the edge of the counter by the door. Currently, he had an idea going and was collecting their wine bottles. He handed Die his glass and took a sip from his own, watching Makoto eat and smiling for a few moments. Still looking down at the puppy, in a low voice, he asked, "Do you want to tie me up?"_

_Die accepted the glass, taking a sip. Almost promptly, he damn near choked on the drink at the question. Staring at Kaoru with wide eyes, he chewed on his lower lip for a moment. It was obviously an offer and he'd be fool to turn it down. It seemed the universe was against him on the not being a horny bastard front. He took another swallow of his wine and then softly asked, "You want me to?"_

_Kaoru shrugged easily. "I'm not really jones-ing for it anything, so I won't be heartbroken if you're not up for it, but I tied you up, it's only fair. And I do like it."_

_Die nibbled on his lip for a long moment before he nodded and then gently took hold of Kaoru's arm, moving him to the parlor and collapsing on the couch there, cradling his glass._

_Kaoru followed and settled himself down on the couch beside Die, downing half of his glass. He looked at his lover seriously, glad for the little post above them between the top of the bar and the cabinet that was secure enough that Die could tie him to it if he wanted. "If we do this... know that I trust you, completely. If there's anything you want me to do it, just tell me. If there's something you want to do to me, just do it. Just for caution, my safe word is Avery, but... I doubt I'll need it."_

_Die kind of gaped at him for a moment before he just dumbly nodded. Well... okay then. He ran his hand through his hair and sipped more at his wine. " _Anything_?"_

_Kaoru threw back the rest of his wine and set the glass up behind him on the bar. "Anything." Leaning over, he whispered against Die's ear, "Use me."_

_Blushing faintly, he swallowed and then shifted away. He got up and wandered into the bedroom, finishing off his wine and then digging out the length of rope. The only problem was that he was kind of unsure about all of this. He knew he could get into it if he tried, but he was somehow just not with it right then. Coming back with it, he sat down next to Kaoru again. "I feel... off."_

_Kaoru blinked, looking at the rope in his hand. "We don't have to." He shrugged a little, kind of lost. "I just... kinda thought maybe you'd want to."_

_Die sighed, leaning back on the couch, closing his eyes. "It's not that I don't want to... I just..." he let out a half laugh, "every time I think to myself that I'll behave and try to be less horny for you, something like this comes up. It's like you kind of inherently know I'm trying to pull back or something."_

_Kaoru sat very still, listening. For a long moment after, he was quiet and then began to speak in a soft voice. "I guess... maybe subconsciously, I pick up on it, and it triggers some sort of fear that you're, I dunno, uninterested or something, so... I go for what I know works to keep your attention." He bit the inside of his lip, standing up and grabbing his empty glass. "Sorry..." He walked around the bar and quickly hand-washed the wine glass, putting it in the strainer and then grabbing down a short glass for liquor, putting a few cubes of ice in it and pouring in peach vodka._

_Die watched him, getting up after a moment and going after him. Slipping up behind him, he slid his arms around Kaoru's waist and rested his chin on the other's shoulder. "Please don't be sorry... just... tell me what you want me to do in this situation. Please?"_

_Kaoru didn't know why he was upset, trying to pin-point what put him so on edge every time this issue came up, but he was upset, nonetheless, bordering more on the side of mad. He tried not to stiffen when Die put his arms around him, taking healthy sips of the liquor. "In this particular situation? When I basically serve myself up on a silver platter for you to do whatever you want with me? Typically, I'd expect you to take that. It's not something I'd offer to you every day."_

_Die could feel what he could only assume was anger coming from Kaoru and it hurt him, it really did. But he wasn't sure that going with it right then would end well. Biting his lip a little, he murmured, "I'm sorry..."_

_Kaoru pulled away, shaking his head. "I'm just being an over-emotional dick. I need a minute by myself..." He grabbed his pack of cloves off the counter and took them along with his glass of vodka to the front porch, throwing himself onto the swinging bench and not even bothering to turn the porch light on, flicking the lighter and drawing the flame up into the sweet-flavored cigarette, trying to comb out all the tangled thoughts in his brain and figure out why it was that fighting over sex always got him - both of them, really - so bent out of shape._

_The more he thought, the more upset he became, all the answers ones he knew would sound like he was hurling accusations and that would more than likely hurt Die enough that one of them would probably sleep in the guest room that night if he voiced them._

_Die let him go, backing up, a very confused look on his face. He didn't go after him mostly because he didn't want to get into more of a fight than they already were. Biting his lip slightly, he served himself some of the vodka and then put the bottle away, going to go put away the rope. He pulled his packer out and put it in the drawer, carefully going to the office and settling down in his chair in the dark, texting Kyo. _How's it going?__

_Kyo pulled his phone out lightning fast. _OMG, perfect timing. He just went to the bathroom. It's so amazing, I can't even... We just click, so perfectly. All our food is cold because we've been talking instead of eating. It's official; I am obviously falling for this guy. My heart is all fluttery and shit. FUCK__

_Die gave a little smiled while he read it. _I'm glad you guys are doing well together. Should box your food and re-heat it at home. No sense in wasting it, right?_ He sent it and then leaned his head back against the back of his chair, closing his eyes._

_Kyo looked to make sure Fea wasn't coming back yet. _I think I'd probably eat it at home and jack off thinking about him. His appeal is not at all hurt by the fact that he is... stunningly beautiful. I am fucking captivated, seriously. I'll stop being self-centered now, how are you?__

_Die had to snort at the image of Kyo eating his food while jacking off. He supposed that was killing two birds with one stone. _Eh... not much._ He really didn't want to kill Kyo's happiness right then and he just hoped the distance would help keep it from him._

__He's coming back, gotta go._ Kyo shoved his phone back in his pocket and continued on with the date as Kaoru was coming back inside, having composed himself to not look like he had just been crying on the porch. He picked up Makoto and settled down in the arm chair, rubbing his soft ears, thoughts beating angrily against the inside of his head._

_Die put his phone away as well, listening to Kaoru come back in. Quietly, he came back out, figuring if he didn't, it would be worse than if he did. He settled beside Kaoru and bit his lip a little._

_Kaoru clenched his teeth, not looking up and just petting the puppy for a while. "I'm scared to tell you how I really feel..." He paused for a long moment. "I hate how I feel, I think it's petty, but it's there, and I know it will hurt you."_

_Die leaned forward, his hands laced between his knees, staring at the floor. "Our relationship is based around honesty." Or at least he thought it was. "It doesn't matter if it will hurt me, if it's the truth, then I should know."_

_Kaoru stopped stroking the dog, looking at the back of Die's head. "How am I supposed to tell you things like this, Die? What purpose is there in telling you that you not being romantic, the fact that we've only made love once, that every time we're physical _at all_ , I feel like the only resolution is sex instead of just intimacy... that it makes me doubt that you feel the same way for me that I do for you and that I _hate_ feeling that way, that it makes me feel like a selfish prick, but I'm still _terrified_ it's true."_

_Die swallowed hard, clenching his teeth to prevent himself from feeling like he wanted to cry. It felt like the world was collapsing in on itself around him and he was just the epicenter. The only solace he had was that he was sure Kaoru was feeling something similar._

_He supposed maybe the worst part out of all of it was that Kaoru said they'd only made love once. He'd been counting the other two times they'd tried and been feeling pretty okay about it, thinking he could do better as time went on. But apparently trying didn't count for shit in Kaoru-ville._

_He swallowed back the rest of his vodka, putting the glass aside. "I'm sorry you feel that way." He wanted to say more, wanted to tell him that if trying wasn't good enough, then he didn't know what would ever be. But he just felt it all clogging in his throat like acrid bile that wanted to cut his life off from him._

_Something about that response made Kaoru's back turn to stone, sitting up rigidly. Makoto jumped down and ran off into the guest room. He felt words bubble up that he knew he needed to swallow down, but they escaped. "Sometimes when we have sex, I don't even want to. I do it because it makes you happy and I'm scared that if I don't, you'll go somewhere else for it. I know how to fuck, that's not a problem. But I can't teach you to be romantic; I can't make you do little things just for the hell of it, just to make me feel loved."_

_The words stung like a thousand needles being plunged into him at once. It hurt worse than anything else. His head hung even more, his hair just long enough to hide the tears that tracked down his cheeks. Kaoru would never understand that each and every time was special to Die and that he never felt like it was _just_ a fuck. It was something he knew they were doomed to repeat again and again._

_Kaoru wanted things Die didn't understand, things he thought he was doing and was obviously not. He'd bought a gift today for no reason and he thought that meant he was remembering Kaoru and showing him he was always on his mind. But to Kaoru, it had obviously just been a stupid letter opener with no meaning at all. He'd bought the golden Oreos at the store rather than the chocolate ones because he knew Kaoru preferred them, something else he considered one of those little things. But that didn't count either. There were a million more things he thought of as romantic and sweet that were obviously just written off as good manners or something in Kaoru's eyes._

_After a little bit he managed to find his voice. "I won't go somewhere else. I would never do that to you. You're not some piece of trash to be cheated on. I love you." He shook his head ever so slightly. "I don't ever want you to have sex with me when you don't want to. Tell me you don't want to and I'll leave you alone." The rest he couldn't even begin to deal with right then because all he could think about was going to find every little thing he'd done _for_ Kaoru, that was remotely tangible, and throwing them all away, breaking them and showing him how much would be gone if he didn't think of trying to be somewhat romantic._

_Kaoru stood up, going to pour more vodka, all the way to the top of the glass. He was saying things purely out of emotion, not thinking them through, and if this was where the conversation was going, he needed to drink more. Might as well put it all out on the table and really dig in if they were going to do this at all._

_He came back and leaned in the archway to the living room. "It's not..." He shook his head. "It's not that you aren't enough. I just... want too much. I need constant affirmation, because I'm constantly doubting. Blatant shit. But to ask for that and have it done because I want it, not because it's something you like doing... it takes any meaning out of it." He drank down nearly half the vodka, the meanness in him ready to step out from the wings if this turned south, and as much as he hated it, he knew how good it would feel in some sick way while they were screaming at each other._

_Die honestly had no idea how to deal with what Kaoru was telling him. He knew he loved him to death, but sometimes Kaoru was blinder than a goddamn bat. Gritting his teeth, he finally lifted his head, staring hard at Kaoru for a good minute before he spoke. When he did, his voice was deceptively calm. "You think I never do anything for you that's just me trying to be romantic without you asking for it?"_

_Shaking his head, he stood up, having to strain not to just break down sobbing. Silently, he walked into the kitchen. He'd start there. Opening the cabinet, he pulled out the unopened pack of Golden Oreos, just letting them drop to the floor, completely silent. And then to the fridge where he pulled out the tofu he was going to make for Kaoru tomorrow for dinner, dropping it on the floor as well. Then to the wine rack, pulling the three bottles he'd bought of Kaoru's favorite wines. One by one, he let them shatter on the floor. He was beyond caring what he was making dirty, beyond even caring when one of them shattered so badly a few shards of glass ended up in his own foot._

_Turning to walk away, he reached for the plaque over the doorway that he'd painted up for Kaoru. Turning to stare back at him, he dropped it to the floor as well, the porcelain shattering on impact. Then he went to find the letter opener he'd bought today, pulling it out and holding it up before he dropped that to the floor as well. He started for the parlor, reaching for other things: framed photographs, little trinkets, a few poems and some letters, which he just dropped on the floor as well, not bothering to shred because the point wasn't to break everything, it was to show him that he did think of him._

_The entire time he moved, tears ran down his face, his entire visage one of complete and utter torment, like with everything he tossed to the floor, he was ripping out a piece of his heart. By the time he got to the bookshelf in the hallway, he was on his knees, blood pooling on the floor from his feet, tears not far behind as he just sobbed his heart out, every fiber of his being telling him he'd just fucked it all up by not being rational. When he spoke again, it was more of a high-pitched wail than anything else. "Does nothing I do matter? Do you not see it all? Are you that wrapped up in yourself that you can't see how goddamn hard I try?!"_

_At first, Kaoru did what he did best and shut down, sipping vodka while Die started dropping things on the floor, then the wine bottles, then the plaque. He winced when the porcelain hit the floor; he'd loved it so much. And then the letter opener. Then the photos, the letters. His heart turned to ice and everything clicked. He picked his way around the glass on the floor to stand and look at Die from the kitchen into the parlor, standing in a pool of wine. At the question, he calmly set his glass down, before he threw it against a wall, and nodded. "Yeah. I really do have my head that far up my ass."_

_He grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet, icy and clinical, his pain and shame too great to even have an outlet yet, locked up inside. Carefully finding a glassless route to Die, he knelt down and reached to pull press paper towels against the cuts in one of Die's feet. The blood didn't even bother him now. "I've thought this a few times, but I think now it's pretty clear. I think we should take a break. I think you should get the opportunity to date around and be with other people. I had practice, I fucked up a few relationships before you, and obviously, I still didn't learn anything. You deserve to see what else is out there before you stick with me. If you even still want to." He dug through the first aid kit for a bandage. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, everything finally catching up and quiet tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'll pack some stuff tonight, I can stay with Sita for a while, give you some space."_

_Almost the moment the words were out of his mouth, Kaoru regretted them._

_Die clung to the bookshelf, his head hung down as he continued to sob, unable to stop it. Even Kaoru bandaging his feet didn't really register. The only thing that did was the words coming from Kaoru's lips. A break... date around... fucked up. Even the complete sentences didn't register. Just the miserable pieces that made him feel like he was someone else. This couldn't be happening to him... not to him and Kaoru._

_Slowly, the words tumbled over one another, leaving him with an impression of the whole thing, but an empty feeling right where his heart should be. So Kaoru had thought about it a few times before. Then... he really did suck this badly at relationships. Any words he had to fight back with dried up in his mouth, coming out in a dried up, rasping sound._

_All he could think was that Kaoru didn't deserve to have everything he'd worked for ripped away from him. He deserved nothing of the sort. Die, on the other hand, deserved nothing for everything he'd done, for how he'd acted... or rather, not acted._

_Completely numb, he grasped the bookshelf and silently pulled himself to his feet, making his way around Kaoru. "I'll go... you stay." After all, this wasn't really his anyway now that he had no real job. He went first to the office, shoving his laptop and a few other things into his backpack, grabbing one of the rolling suitcases and coming back out, still stumbling around as he went to the bathroom and tossed things into the bag from the cabinet. His final stop was the bedroom where he grabbed random clothing and his packer, but nothing else._

_Silently, he reached to pet Makoto, tears still streaming down his face while he stood there, unable to say his goodbye because it would feel too final... and he didn't want it to be final. Slowly coming back out, he picked up his backpack and started for the door. He managed to whisper out, "Call me... please," before he stepped outside, shoving his feet in his flip-flops and starting down the deck, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach._

_**To Be Continued…** _


	48. Chapter 47

The departure from what he'd considered _their_ house was one of the hardest things Die had ever done. Walking down the steps had forced him into feeling like molten lead lined his shoes. Even the glass shards still in his feet didn't hurt because his mind and body were so overwhelmed by the emotional agony of what had just transpired. He left without looking back, unable to do such a simple thing for fear that it would stop him and he'd only make things worse on Kaoru.

He'd simply gotten in his car and driven until the tank was almost empty, finding a Wal-Mart parking lot and pulling his car into one of the spaces at the end of the lot. Hours later, he'd managed to get the glass out of his feet, cutting up his fingers in the process and tossed the glass out in the street. He smelled like alcohol and he felt like total shit. That night had been pure hell, most of it spent coming in and out of consciousness because he cried himself awake over and over. What little money he had on him went to getting beef jerky and paying $0.25 for a cup of water from Wendy's each time he needed a drink.

The third trip he made into Wendy's to use the restroom, he took his overnight bag and his pills in with him, going about his morning routine because he knew he had to or they'd start kicking him out for being scruffy. Something inside him still wasn't quite screwed in right and rather than taking his testosterone pills, he instead took the entire two month supply to the toilet and flushed every last one of them. All he could think was that if he got rid of all the hormones in his body then he wouldn't crave sex anymore and it would make Kaoru happier with him because he wasn't feeling like he was forced into it.

Three more days were spent charging his phone and desperately trying to submit his completed project to Kyo's friend inside the Wendy's while he survived off of water and pretty much nothing else. Eventually, he got everything into a system of moving the car a few spaces, sleeping a few hours, and doing everything else at regular intervals. 

By the time the second week rolled around, he'd lost all hope. Still, he hadn't even contacted Kyo, hadn't wanted to bother him with his problems while the other was probably so happy with his new-found lover. And still... Kaoru hadn't called. Die knew he was jammed between a rock and a hard place. He couldn't even try to go to apply for the jobs he'd been wanting to, his portfolios in Kaoru's possession.

He stood in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. Even with the burger the employees had paid for and given him, he felt like he was on the verge of collapse. His body held no energy and his motivation was next to zero. There were giant bags under his eyes and the man staring back at him in the mirror was dull and lifeless, as though he were nothing more than a zombie. Everything hurt... everything except his heart, which felt like a frozen wasteland in his chest. He splashed some water on his face and then sighed, turning away, shouldering his laptop bag as he used his shirt to wipe the water from his face.

Just as he left the bathroom, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Dread and excitement mingled, filling him to the brim as he fished the device from his pocket, flipping it open to stare at the text. For a minute, he couldn't even focus, the letters blurring together.

It was in true Kaoru fashion, just enough information to get a point across and nothing more. _I need to see you. I want to talk. Can you meet me for coffee?_

When his eyes finally put it together, Die couldn't tell if he should be more upset or elated. For a long moment, he just stood there, trying to feel anything, but he didn't. He was too afraid to be excited, too scared that it'd all come crashing down on him because Kaoru just wanted him to get his shit out of his house. But he was also too hopeful to let himself really assume that was all it was about. Wiping a few stray tears from his eyes, he typed in, _Yes. The shitty cafe down from my old work. One hour._ He could walk it in an hour since he was officially out of gas and his credit card was making a habit out of being declined.

Heading for the door, he was stopped by the cashier, her hand on his shoulder as she held out his cell phone charger and an envelope. "You leaving?" He nodded at her and she gave him a smile. "I hope things work out for you... whatever it is that needs to happen." With that, she left him there, slipping into the women's room, the heavy door closing behind her.

Die murmured out a thank you, not even really aware that she'd never hear him, though one of the cooks looked up when he said it. He tucked the charger into his pocket and then stared at the envelope, feeling lost. Across the front was her neat scrawl: _Die, I hope this helps. Please find what you've lost._ Opening it, he found forty dollars in small bills. Looking up at the Wendy's, he vowed he'd pay her back. Her name was Veronica Wills and he knew he'd find her somehow once he was on his feet again.

He headed to the bus stop, sitting down and waiting on that instead.

Almost half an hour later, he was standing in front of the stupid cafe, staring at it in an almost confused manner. Heaving a sigh, he reached for the door, pushing it open to a blast of refrigerated air. Looking around, he tried to spot if Kaoru was even there yet.

Kaoru had left immediately upon receiving Die’s text, despite the fact it took him only twenty minutes to drive to the cafe. He parked down the street and walked in, ordering a green tea and sitting at the back corner where he thought they'd have the most privacy. The last two weeks had been an aching blur for him. The night Die left, the night Kaoru had run him off, or so he'd felt like it had happened, he had shut down. Sitting there watching Die pack, he had felt so much he could pretend he felt nothing. He cleaned up, putting the porcelain plaque into a box to piece together later and cleaning Die's blood off the floor. One footprint into the guest room he'd been unable to get rid of. He needed something of Die there, something real.

And after that, it was a blur, then a long, agonizing climb. Sitting staring at his hands, his thumb stroking along the tattoo on his finger, _Conquer_ , he could hardly even process the last two weeks. Had they happened? Was he dreaming? He'd felt so much clearer until the prospect of seeing Die again entered his head, and now he was just confused all over again. He felt sure that Die was better off without him. But he wanted him back more than anything. He supposed he'd just have to see how things went, and hope Die would recognize him. He'd left his jacket off, even though it was cold, so his tattoos would be obvious. He was sure the short-cropped hair was not at all what the other would be looking for.

Familiar tattoos caught Die's attention, but he stared in shock at the shortened hair, not really understanding completely for a moment. He supposed everyone went through their grieving processes in different ways, so he figured he had no right to judge what Kaoru had done. After all, he himself looked like someone that should be tossed out of the cafe if it were anything higher class than it was. He knew he smelled heavily of cologne, a way to try to mask that he'd only washed with paper towels in the sink at Wendy's for two weeks and he actually had some scruff on his cheeks and chin, a tiny start of a mustache from what little testosterone he'd had left in his body. Of course it hadn't grown any more after a few days with him not having any T left, but he supposed no one had to know that.

Luckily, it was just a shithole of a place and no one even glanced twice at him. For that, he was thankful. Carefully, he moved around the tables and came to the booth Kaoru was sitting at. Wordlessly, he settled down, putting his backpack in the seat next to him.

Kaoru was staring off into space, jerked out of his thoughts by someone moving in front of him. And suddenly, he was doing something he was afraid he wouldn't get to do ever again. He was looking at Die. Haggard, thin, broken-looking Die, but it was him. His heart climbed up into his nose, it felt like, then fell heavy back through the floor. There were words he had to say before anything else, words that were priority so that if Die bolted, at least they would be said. Without even greeting him, he simply started in.

"I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I've done nothing but think about you and the life we've built together, and how shitty I've been to you." He looked down at his hands for a moment, again, biting at his lip and then pushing a hand back through his short hair. He was still getting used to it. "I'm sorry that... I always expected more from you than you could give, not because you were inadequate, but because I'm so afraid of actually having something and breaking it, that I'm constantly psyching myself out and convincing myself there's something better. I'm sorry for setting standards you or anyone else could never achieve. I'm sorry for not appreciating how incredibly _wonderful_ you've been to me, and how passionate you are, and I'm sorry for misconstruing every little piece of what made you so unique into things that were ‘"wrong’" with you. I'm sorry for telling you I thought you didn't love me, or that you didn't love me as much as I loved you. I only said that because I don't love myself, so it's hard to believe anyone else would instead. It's... crystal clear now, how much you cared for me, how much you gave, and I was always so blind to it, and I'm sorry for all of that, too. I'm sorry for ever making you trust me, or have any sort of faith in me, and making you believe I was anything but fragile and volatile. And I'm sorry I didn't call sooner... but it's taking everything in me just to tell you this now."

Die had to admit he was surprised at the lack of greeting, but once Kaoru started talking, he kind of understood why. It was all laid out, thought out so carefully, and it had to be done this way or else the courage behind it would drain away into nothingness. He knew the feeling... maybe too well.

The longer Kaoru spoke, the more and more Die felt like the world was narrowing down to just them. At least Kaoru wasn't talking like it was all completely gone, like he thought of it all being in the past. The words hurt in some ways almost as much as the original words that carried him out of the house had. Maybe it hurt to know that Kaoru had convinced himself that all the things that made Die who he was weren't right. Maybe it just hurt to know that he'd obviously been thinking stuff like that all along.

Kaoru’s voice kept on, he kept going, he had to, but tears had already started down his face. He sniffed heavily and wiped them away. "I... I've been in NA for two weeks now. I'd just left a meeting when I texted you. I knew that if nothing else, I had to make amends. I had to make things right enough to at least not let this die on bad terms. I don't ever want to look back at what we had and think of them as bad memories, and I don't want you to have to see it that way, either."

He hung his head and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Needless to say, I guess... after you left that night, I went and did the stupidest possible thing I could think of, which was go get fucking drunk, find some blow, and get fucking cranked." He scrubbed at his face and leaned forward on his elbows, looking at Die through his fingers. "I almost ODed. A friend made sure I didn't croak and once I was functional again, I cut all my hair off, myself, and went and found a meeting..."

Die let out a soft sigh, waving the waitress away when she came to offer him something to drink or eat. He had no money to spare and no right to assume Kaoru would pay. Besides, he'd had a burger this morning, which was more than he'd had in a while. Kaoru continued right through it, as though the waitress never appeared and Die listened, not daring to interrupt it. One skinny arm wrapped around his own waist, holding onto himself tightly while Kaoru spoke about Narcotic Anonymous meetings and almost ODing. Kaoru’s hands came back down to the table and he sat back, staring at the greasy table top. "So I guess, I'm sorry for disappointing you, too. Because you helped me get clean and I went and fucked it all up again. But, I guess it's better. Before, I was clean because I didn't want to lose you. Without you, I was doing it because I really knew, truly, that I had to, or I would die."

When he was sure Kaoru was done, Die finally shifted, his free hand coming to draw little lines on the table with his fingertip. "I'm glad you're in NA... I just wish it hadn't taken what it did to get you there." He knew he should have more to say, more to voice about all that had happened, but he still felt so devoid inside and he wasn't sure at all how to get that block to go away. Silently, he pulled a napkin from the holder and passed it to Kaoru. He would have cried, but his tears were long since used up, his emotions feeling as broken as he knew he looked.

Kaoru wondered what Die was thinking, what he was feeling. He looked so hollow, and he wondered if it was anger or the ravages of despair. He took the napkin with an embarrassed laugh and dabbed at his eyes. "Let's see, what else... I quit at Derrick's. Yuuko is no more. I've been selling off my stuff, too. I realized a lot of my problem is that I hide and keep up fronts, and not to mention, there's no way I could stay clean working there, so I quit and decided to get rid of my bitchy alter-ego. I found out about a month ago that I have a brain tumor. Still in denial about that. Ah, I'm trying to stop smoking weed, too, but, it really is about the only thing that helps when I've got really bad headaches, which I've had pretty regularly for a while now, but, I'm trying really hard to not let it get to me and just push through. I hate making excuses. I'm really tired of making excuses. I want to just enjoy and be thankful for what I have and I don't really know why yet why I haven't done that before? I mean, I guess because I was depressed. _Am_ depressed. But I've been enabling myself a lot and have been really immature and stupid about all of it and I'm just... ready to stop all this shit. I want to stay clean, I want to man up and take responsibility for myself rather than put up some front of confidence when inside I can hardly stand myself."

Die stared at the table as Kaoru explained he'd quit being a drag queen. In one way that was a shame, but in another, he figured Kaoru knew what was best for himself... hopefully. At the mention of the brain tumor, his head snapped up, his eyes wide. _A month ago..._ Immediately Kyo popped into his head. He'd tried so hard to warn him, to set him up for it being a possibility and he could only assume he'd known what Die could not. Finally he found that well of emotion inside himself, the words tapping into it and all he could do was bow his head and cry. Hot tears tracked down his cheeks, splashing into his lap, over bony hands, wetting the material of his favorite red jeans that were now looking more than a little in need of a wash.

He knew he was babbling now, and that it was certainly a lot all at once, but he had to get everything out on the table. "If you want to come back, you're welcome. Mako misses you. I do, too. I've been sleeping in the guest room, anyway, so, if you want to come back and just share the house for a while until we figure things out, that's fine." He tore the napkin in half, nervously shredding it, a little sob leaving him. "But, if you never want to see me again, I understand... I've been a royal shit to you and you have no reason to trust that that would change."

 

A quiet sob welled up and Die immediately grasped himself around the middle, as though trying to hug it all away from himself, his body rocking back and forth in the seat. He wanted to tell Kaoru he'd come back, but each time he opened his mouth the only things that came out were more sobs, sounds of absolute despair and agony. If Kaoru had thought Die's hollowness was from anger, it was probably more than clean now that it was actually a deep-seated pain that caused him to be that way.

Kaoru watched Die sob, wanting to get up and hug him, or reach for him to stroke his arm, something, but he knew he had no right to. For all he knew, he could get slapped for touching the other. "I want to be good to you, to be good _for_ you... I want to make this right, but I don't know if I can, I don't know if anything would ever patch this. I don't blame you if you hate me."

He reached into the pocket of his jacket, laying around his waist in the chair, and dug out a thick envelope. He pushed it across the table. "That's the money Kyo gave us. It's yours, so you've got something to go off of if you decide to... leave..." He cleared his throat a little, trying to act somewhat normal. "So... where have you been staying?"

Die took in huge gasping breaths until he was at least able to talk again. But by then Kaoru was shoving the envelope with money at him and he just stared at it like it would bite him if he touched it. Then again... if they weren't together, that money was really owed to Kyo since it'd been for _them_. Still... he didn't touch it. There was some hope... somewhere. There had to be.

Finally, he let out, "I don't hate you." For a long moment, he was nothing but quiet again before he murmured, "In my car." Well... kinda. More like he'd been living at Wendy's.

Scratching at his neck, he pulled a little face. That burger was hitting his intestines like it had it out for him. He looked a little green as he shoved out of the booth and fled for the bathroom, clutching his stomach.

A minute later while he knelt in the stall, clutching the paper dispenser, all he could think was he really hoped Kaoru wasn't leaving while he was in here throwing up like a goddamn idiot.

The sudden retreat shocked Kaoru. He didn't know what to think. The announcement that Die had been living in his car for the past two weeks felt like a knife to his heart. He knew Die didn't have any money, no friends to go to, but he'd let him leave, anyway. No wonder he looked like shit, like he'd been hit by a train, or strung out, or both, and a collection of all sort of unsavory other things.

He bit his lip until he was pulling skin off it and then stopped, turning over the ashtray and lighting a cigarette. He wondered what was going through Die's head, he wanted to know what he thought, if he was willing to give him a second chance, one he didn't really deserve, if he wanted to kill him, if he wanted to just end it on slightly better terms that the night he'd walked out but be done with it. Trying to be patient, to not stew and just wait, he sat smoking his cigarette, and then another, feeling more and more like he was on trial, awaiting his sentence.

It was almost ten minutes before Die emerged from the bathroom. He looked pale and felt incredibly dizzy. Sniffing a bit, he sat down again, the waitress once again bothering them. He asked quietly for water with lemon and she was gone and back in less than a minute. With that done, he murmured, "Sorry..." about being sick and then ran a hand over his face, itching a little at his stubble.

"I..." he argued with the lemon for a moment, finally getting it squeezed into his water before he took a sip and tried again. "I want to try to work things out... if you'll still have me."

The words sank in and tears tracked down Kaoru's face some more. He nodded, leaning forward on his elbows. _If you'll have me..._ He finally reached out, laying his hand over one of Die's thin wrists. "Of course. Baby, of course." He wiped his face, shaking, trying not to turn into a blubbering mess. He looked Die over more closely, his chest aching. "Why don't... why don't we go home? I'll cook for you while you get a shower; you look like you haven't eaten since you left. Or slept. Once you've recuperated, we'll talk; figure out how we want to go about this."

Die gave a shaky nod and then softly murmured, "Can we go get my bag from my car?" All he had was his backpack and everything else was still in the car in Wal-Mart's parking lot. "I'm out of gas," he admitted softly.

Kaoru frowned a little. "If you want, I can call Sita and we'll go pick up your car while you get some rest. I'll fill up your tank."

Die looked a bit relieved at that, nodding. "Please?" he asked softly. "I feel like I'm going to pass out."

Kaoru pursed his lips a little and nodded. "Yeah, you look like it." He stood up, shrugging on his jacket and pulling his keys out of his pocket. "Come on."

Die slowly got up, pulling his backpack onto his back and sipping more of his water before he started to make a beeline for the door.

Kaoru stopped and turned around suddenly, waving a hand in front of him. "Wait wait, one second." He went back to the counter quickly and pulled a five out of his back pocket, paying for a bottle of apple juice. He came back and handed it to Die before exiting and heading down the street towards his car. "I don't wanna know how long it's been since you've eaten, but it's probably best to start on liquids."

Die frowned a little, but accepted it. "I ate earlier... but uh... it came back." He ducked his head a little, embarrassed. "I kind of left without any money and my card is maxed."

A tight knot returned to Kaoru's throat, tossing a look at Die over his shoulder as he walked around the car and unlocked it. "Why didn't you come back and get cash or something? I hate myself for doing this to you." He stood outside the driver's door, leaning with his arms against the roof. "I don't know how you could ever forgive me for this."

Die shook his head a little, opening the back door and putting in his backpack before he opened the passenger door and quietly settled in, opening the drink. "I said for you to call me if you wanted. It left it up to you. I wasn't about to just come back without you inviting me and make thing worse."

Kaoru got in and sat for a moment, quiet. He sighed and cranked the engine, not wanting to fight about this right now, not wanting to fight at all. He headed home in silence, fighting back tears the whole way. When they arrived, he got out and went and opened the gate to the fence, the path with the red-stone puzzle pieces finished, and Makoto was already barking excitedly before he could even let him out. He had grown a lot in two weeks, as puppies do, and was taller and already looked bulky. He hurried over to Die's side of the car and fidgeted anxiously.

Die sat in silence, craving a cigarette, but not really willing to ask for one. Instead, he drank his juice. When they pulled in, he was already looking for Makoto, opening the door to his little wiggling behind, his puppy chub swaying around. Smiling a little, he reached for him and picked him up, cradling him close. "Hey, pup."

Kaoru was in tears again, but pushed through, grabbing Die's backpack for him and going into the house, setting the bag on one of the barstools after kicking his shoes off at the door. Nothing had really changed. There was a stack of NA literature and a white plastic new comer's chip on the bar, his camera still out and on a tripod in the corner of the parlor. Some photos were missing, he couldn't bear to look at some of them, but over the bookcase, the print Die had bought the night it all exploded was framed, hanging just where they'd talked about putting it. He rubbed his arm a little and turned to look at Die. "So, um... I guess if you wanna get a shower and clean up, I'll start cooking. You look starved."

Die carefully followed Kaoru into the house, hugging Makoto to his chest. He left his flip-flops at the door, staring at them and making a face. He glanced around at the stuff, smiling a bit at the poster on the wall. "You framed it," he murmured, putting Makoto down and heading toward the bathroom.

Kaoru nodded, wiping tears from his eyes. "Yeah..." He watched Die go and then got to work, pulling out vegetables and cutting and washing, setting them out on a plate with a serving dish of blue cheese dressing beside it. Then he looked through the fridge and found some chicken sausage, frying it up in a pan, deciding to make breakfast foods. He got another pan out and started mixing pancake batter, intent on making Die a ridiculous amount of food and all but forcing him to eat. If he threw it back up, he'd clean it, but what little fat his lover had had before was trimmed down to the bone now, and to see him so worn and to know it was his doing twisted the knife that had been stuck in his heart since that night, a knife he knew his own fingerprints were on.

Once in the closed bathroom, Die started taking off his clothing, carefully setting it aside, putting his wallet and lighter aside, then his cell phone and finally made a pile in the corner of his clothing. Crawling into the shower, he turned it on almost scalding, getting in and sitting down under the spray, reaching for his loofah and soaping it up, slowly starting to scrub.

In the middle of cooking, Kaoru jogged into the bedroom and dug out Die's red silk pajamas and a pair of underwear, quietly opening the door while the shower was going and leaving them on the counter before going back to the food. By the time he was done, there was the big plate of cut veggies, a huge stack of pancakes, half of them with chocolate chips, big split links of sausage, scrambled eggs, and a heaping bowl of cut strawberries.

It took Die almost half an hour before he felt like he was actually clean, his skin red and raw. But his hair was much better than it was before, actually looking rather like the best part of him right then. He blinked at the silk PJs, giving a tiny smile as he dried off and put them on.

Coming out, he moved to the kitchen and hauled himself up into one of the bar chairs. "It smells good," he murmured softly.

Kaoru gave him a soft smile and put out syrup and some powdered sugar. "Do you want..." he opened the fridge and looked in, "orange juice, milk, fruit punch, or Fanta?" It was weird acting so normal, but a lot had changed for him over the last couple weeks, and right now getting Die recuperated was his top priority.

"Milk," Die murmured, thinking he needed something more nourishing than soda. Carefully, he picked out a chocolate chip pancake, some eggs, and a piece of sausage, then drowned the whole thing in syrup before picking up a fork and digging in.

It was good to see Die eat. Kaoru felt like all the signs of malnourishment were his fault, it only felt right to be the one to correct it. Pouring a big glass of milk, he set it down in front of Die and leaned back on the counter across from him. "Sita's on her way, we'll go get your car. Where is it, anyway?"

"The Wal-Mart across town... the one on Brown. It's at the west end of the parking lot." He took the first bite, praying to himself he could keep all of this down because he didn't want to throw up again.

Kaoru nodded, knowing where Die was talking about. He couldn't believe that in his mind. He'd hoped maybe Die had called Kyo and was in Los Angeles, living it up and laughing about how stupid Kaoru was and how much better and happier he was. And all that time, he'd been hardly half an hour away, suffering and wasting away, living out of his car. His heart wouldn't stop clenching.

He crossed his arms and looked at Makoto, sitting by Die's stool and staring. "Buddy, I fed you before I left. Here." He opened up the bottom cabinet and pulled out a dried pig ear, handing it to the puppy, who happily took it and trotted off to gnaw on it in a corner. Kaoru washed his hands, taking his time, crying with his back to Die. The photo of them standing here when they'd first moved in, kissing and wrapped in each other's arms and happy, still in the frame on the fridge, felt like some cruel joke, along with the little poem of magnet words, just the way he'd arranged them before their date; _you are my starlight and I make a wish in your eyes_. He still hoped wishes came true, but he was beginning to realize they were just a useless comfort.

Die very slowly ate his food, trying hard to make sure he ate slow enough he'd have some warning if it was going to come back up. The milk went in more than anything else with the hope that it'd coat his stomach and make it easier.

Maybe half an hour later, he ate a few strawberries and then pushed his plate away. "If I eat anymore it'll come up... I'm sorry." He felt bad that Kaoru had made so much and he couldn't eat more of it. Rubbing his hands over his face, he sighed softly and leaned on the counter, feeling incredibly tired.

Kaoru just lounged around the kitchen, reading a book and waiting. When Die pushed his plate away, he gave a little smile and shook his head, getting down Tupperware to start putting things away. "It's okay. It's good you ate at all." He heard Sita's Jeep pull up and he put the food into the refrigerator, opening the door for her. 

She hugged him and then went to Die, rubbing his back. "Hey, you. How are you feeling?" Kaoru had been decidedly vague about everything, but just looking at Die, she knew it had been bad.

Die peered up at Sita when she came over to him, turning around a little and not even thinking about it before he reached out and pulled her into a hug. "Like crap," he murmured softly against her shoulder.

She squeezed onto him, sighing, whispering into his ear, "I'm sorry he's such a shit sometimes..." Pulling back, she ruffled his damp hair. "You look like it, no offense."

Die nodded a little. "Yeah, I do... I know."

Kaoru took Die's empty milk glass and rinsed in, setting it in the sink. "Where are your keys? You go ahead and crash out, we'll go get the car."

Sniffing a bit, Die settled back and rubbed at his arm. "Um... I think... they're in my backpack. Front pouch."

Sita was closest, opening up the backpack and finding Die's keys. She zipped the pouch back and Kaoru bit his lip a little as she headed for the door. "Um... I guess maybe I'll see you in the morning, then?" He hoped Die would sleep well, he looked like he desperately needed the rest.

Die ran a hand through his hair, watching them before he slowly got up, nodding. For a moment, he hesitated and then made his way to Kaoru, awkwardly starting to lean in for a hug.

Sita had already stepped out onto the porch and was slipping her feet into her sandals. Kaoru froze, looking at Die in shock, but he couldn't refuse. He reached out and squeezed Die to him briefly before letting up and rubbing his back a bit. "Sleep well." He pulled away and offered a little smile before going out and locking the door behind him.

Die wanted to collapse into that hug, feeling like he was almost desperate for the contact after so long of nothing. Two weeks felt like an eternity, especially with his heart broken the entire time. But he let Kaoru pull away, sure he was probably not entirely comfortable with any displays of affection now... if ever again.

He gave a little nod and then headed toward the bathroom, quietly picking up his clothing and taking it to the hamper. Then he picked up his shit from the counter, taking it to the bedroom to put on the nightstand, going back to his backpack for his phone charger, plugging in his phone and carefully settling down in bed, the room dark around him. Flipping open his phone, he stared at it for a long moment before opening his contacts and messaging Kyo. _Hey..._ He'd have said more, but he didn't know what to say.

Almost as soon as he had sent the text, his phone rang. Kyo, of course. Die stared down at the phone, a bit surprised, but he answered it, opening his mouth to say hi.

Before Die could get a word in edgewise, Kyo was already talking. "Do not _ever_ fucking pull this shit again!" His voice was shaking and teary. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear from you? Fuck!" He let out a tiny sob and clutching the phone to his ear. "...How are you?"

He bit his lip a little, cradling the phone, feeling terrible to have worried Kyo. So... he'd either known or Kaoru had told him. "I'm... terrible." He sighed. There was no point in lying to Kyo, none at all. If he said he was fine, he'd be told he was lying and it would be the truth.

Kyo rubbed a hand over his forehead, sighing. "I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry. I wanted to tell you, but... I just didn't know how. It wasn't my place." His voice wavered and he slapped at the little tear that ran down his cheek. "I was so freaked out... I called Kaoru and told him he was an asshole about a week ago and I didn't give a fuck if he had cancer or a tumor or whatever the fuck it is, and then we talked for about four hours straight." Hugging his knees to his chest with one arm, he sniffed a bit. "He's really changed. I can feel it in his voice. Something clicked, realizing he actually had something to lose, mixed with... you know..." Another heavy sigh. "I'm sorry he hurt you, Die. I'm sorry I couldn't... be there, couldn't warn you or help."

Die just listened to him, his body curled up on the bed, trembling a little for some reason he couldn't really place. "It's okay... it's not your place to have to clean up what we fuck up," he murmured softly. "I just... I'm sorry, too. I didn't call you because I had some futile hope that you'd not know. I wished like hell you'd not have to deal with this. I just wanted to leave you alone and let you be happy and newly in love. I didn't want to ruin that for you." What he didn't say was that he'd known, too, that if he called Kyo while he and Kaoru were broken up that he very well could have ended up wherever Kyo was, burdening him with something he didn't need to... or something more. And that wasn't his place in Kyo's life. Or at least he didn't think it was.

Kyo sniffed heavily, making a tiny whimper. "You're my best fucking friend, Die and I'm a goddamn psychic, you think I don't know when you're hurting, anyway? ...I always know... I always try to send my love back."

Die curled up in a ball a little tighter, tears now dampening the pillow under his cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should have known, but... I wasn't exactly thinking rationally these past two weeks."

"I know. It's okay... thinking any clearer now?" He knew Die needed sleep, but he wanted to catch up with him just a little before he drifted off.

Die swallowed a bit and then sighed, rolling over and wiping his face. "I don't know... I feel like I'm completely lost, Kyo. I'm not even sure I understand entirely how it went from so nice to so horrible like that. I'm not even sure he wants me back really."

Kyo gnawed on his lip some. "It's for him to tell you. Like I said, we talked for hours. I... I know it kind of came out of nowhere for you, but it made him realize _where_ it was all coming from. And I think now, if you're willing to, he's ready to try and see if he's actually capable to be good to you. But... yeah, he has some reservations. He doesn't want to break your heart again."

Die was silent for a long moment and then he whispered softly, "Don't ever repeat it... but I'm not sure I could do this again. I... I'm not in a good place right now. I was living out of my car in a goddamn Wal-Mart parking lot with a ten dollar bill to my name. I'm obviously not fit for being a street person." Sighing, he rolled over onto his stomach, nuzzling the pillow before he turned his head to speak again. "I feel like I'm actually very close to dying... and I honestly think it has more to do with my heart than my body. If we end up in another argument like that..." he trailed off, shaking his head.

Kyo let out a sob and slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the wail. "Don't! Don't say that!" He sniffed and whimpered for a moment. "He loves you. I swear, please, believe me if you can't believe him. If you don't want to do this again, I understand, but please, don't talk like that..."

Die could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks again and he shivered slightly. "I wish you were closer... I want a real hug right now so bad it's killing me."

"I'm sorry... I wish I could hug you." Kyo wiped at his eyes and his breath hitched. "Just... get some rest, know I love you, and... talk to him when you're feeling a little better, okay? I'm really biased towards you, but I think he makes a pretty damn good case for himself. And if he fucks up again, well... I promise to beat the shit out of him."

Die offered a tiny smile at the phone. "Promise you'll find a way to come get me if this shit happens again. You're what I've got... you know that, right?"

Kyo bit his lip and smiled, too. "I'll hijack the first plane I can. Sleep well."

"Kay..." he murmured quietly, "...Kyo?" For a moment he was silent and then he whispered out, "Call me over the next few days? I'm not sure I'll have the courage, but I know I'm going to need you."

Kyo bit his lip harder, squeezing his eyes shut. "Okay. I will. Night."

"Night," he whispered out before he closed the phone, putting it on the nightstand and finally closing his eyes. It wasn't even ten minutes before he was out like a light.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	49. Chapter 48

Kaoru rode with Sita out to the Wal-Mart, getting a gas can to get Die's car started and to the nearest gas station, where Kaoru filled up the tank and then drove to have dinner with Sita and talk. She was angry with him for trying to break apart the one thing she'd seen him really shine with, other than photography, but was trying to be a good friend and support him. After dinner, they parted ways and Kaoru drove back to the house, getting ready for bed, checking on Die, taking care of a few things, and then curling up on the futon in the guest room.

Early the next morning, he was up again, not able to sleep well anymore, and went for his usual run, which had been cut down to three miles. After, he showered and then ran to the grocery store to stock up, coming back and unloading.

Die woke up the following morning feeling only slightly more rested, having spent a good portion of the night crying in his sleep. At first, he was disoriented, thinking he was supposed to be in his car. But he slowly came around to what had happened the night before and he just sat up in bed, thinking about it for a while.

Eventually, he got up and went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and combing his hair. But he went right back to bed, crawling between the warm sheets and hugging a pillow to him. He didn't know how to face what he needed to and quite honestly, he still felt like total shit.

No sooner was Die in the bed than Makoto was hopping up onto the bench and climbing up under the sheets with him, sticking his wet nose right in Die's face. 

Kaoru walked to the door, leaning in it. He didn't say anything for a long moment before clearing his throat. "Do you want me to heat up the rest of the stuff from last night for you?"

Die reached for the puppy, pulling him into his lap and stroking over his fur. Looking up at Kaoru, he shook his head a little. "I don't think I can eat again yet. But... thank you."

"Oh... okay." Standing there dumbly for a moment more, he turned around and went to make himself some fruit, settling onto the couch in the parlor with a book.

Die sighed softly when Kaoru left the room, feeling like a total heel. After a few minutes, he finally managed to get up, carrying Makoto with him as he wandered into the parlor. For a long moment, he stared at the couch and then finally, he murmured, "Can we talk? ... In the living room?" He didn't want to sit on that couch and talk with the last memories it held.

Kaoru looked up, his glasses sliding down his nose. "Um..." He was confused why Die wouldn't just sit down with him here, but didn't argue. He stuck his bookmark in between the pages and set the book and his glasses on the table, standing up. "Sure." He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling his legs up and crossing them Indian style.

Die settled on one end of the couch, plopping Makoto in his lap and staring down at the little guy, absently stroking him. He didn't even know where to start. Honestly, he wanted to patch their relationship up before he started in on asking shit about the tumor. But he felt like an asshole for wanting things that way. Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he sighed softly. "I still love you, you know," he murmured out, thinking it a good enough place to start.

Kaoru sort of hugged himself, lip quivering. "I know..." he whispered out. "I still love you, too."

"I didn't like the past two weeks." Wincing a little, he suddenly knew he had to lay it all on the table, for better or for worse. "I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and hidden away somewhere. I just... I was empty." Playing with the pups ears, he made a face. "I honestly think... I was dying."

"Well, you were kind of starving," Kaoru blurt out obviously. He sighed and leaned into the couch. "I don't know how to make this up to you. And believe me... I felt the same way. You left and it was like you took part of me with you. But, this isn't about me. I've made it enough about me. This is about you; this is your choice now. You make the rules."

Die sniffed a little. "I don't think it was because of my health, Kaoru...." He didn't know how much clearer he could get. Sighing, he just rested his hands on Makoto's back, the pup snoozing in his lap. "I want to be with you... but I will tell you that I don't think I can go through that again. I honestly don't think I'd survive it a second time."

Kaoru pressed his lips into a thin line, hating that he didn't have hair to hide his tears anymore. He had to ask the obvious question, if only so that Die would know the answer, himself. "Then why put yourself in that risk?"

"Because... I _love_ you. Nothing is worth anything if love can't be a major part of a reason to do something."

A tiny sob left Kaoru and he covered his mouth, sitting quietly for a moment. His hand finally dropped and he looked up. "I don't want to hurt you again, Die. I didn't want to hurt you in the first place. My head was in crazy places and I... somehow, I thought it was best. Maybe some version of it would have been. But baby... there's more to this now." He hugged his knees, tucking his chin between them. He hadn't said the words yet, they stuck in his throat. "It's not as easy as us just... being together again and... working it out." His voice was hardly audible, a tiny, scared whisper. "I don't want you to have to watch me die...."

Die stared at him for a long moment and then swiped tears from under his eyes. "Don't... you're not going to die. You'll just have to have it operated on or something, like last time. It'll be fine."

Kaoru gave Die a serious look. "I'm not being dramatic, Die. I'm serious. If it's benign, then, yeah, I'm okay. If it's benign, I honestly don't even think I want to seek treatment, I don't want to go through the surgery again." He played with a hole in his jeans, averting his gaze. "But... if it's recurrent... and malignant... it's lower than last time, even harder to get to. If that's the case, which is honestly a fifty-fifty chance..." He tugged at a loose thread around the hole, hot tears pouring now. "Six months... maybe a year."

Very slowly, Die got up, placing Makoto in the floor and then coming over to Kaoru with a determined look on his face. He settled down, straddling him and slid his arms around him, holding him close. "It doesn't matter. I wouldn't want you to leave me over something that I had no control over and I won't leave you over it either. Our feelings for one another are what matters here."

Kaoru's legs slid down to let Die straddle him, giving into his embrace. Almost immediately, he was sobbing. His hands fisted in the back of Die's shirt and he buried his face against the thin chest, practically screaming. Die putting his arms around him was both bliss and a reminder of how stupid he was, that the only reason he had missed his embrace was because he had driven the other away. And on top of all of it, he was facing the real possibility, and a rather near possibility, of death. Of suffering and surgeries, of probabilities and clinical trials. "Baby, I'm scared..."

Die gently stroked over Kaoru's back. "I know..." he was, too, but he wasn't going to let that stop him from being with Kaoru. If all he had left was six months, it wouldn't change a thing. At least he'd have had him that long and at least Kaoru wouldn't die alone.

Kaoru leaned back, his face a red, puffy mess. His fingers came up and stroked over Die's face and hair, just staring at him. "I'm sorry for all the shitty things I said to you... I didn't mean them, not really. They were... all the bullshit, talking in my ear, and I believed that instead of you, right in front of me, telling me you loved me. But... the one thing I did mean... is I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Even if it's not that long."

Die nodded, tucking himself close. "I don't want to lose you," he murmured, his thin frame shaking in Kaoru's arms.

Kaoru sank into the couch, holding Die against him. He closed his eyes and only let the world matter because he had his lover in his arms again, finding some peace there. Truly, he'd been finding peace more often, a clearer way of thinking. It was strange what facing the possibility of death could do. He would die either way, everyone did, but the idea that something would kill him rather than ideally dying of old age in his sleep, next to Die, well... it felt like something he had to rebel against. He smoothed a hand over Die's hair, sighing. "I'm not... I'm not really ready yet to go back to the doctor. The biopsy alone is scary enough. I don't want anything drilling a fucking hole in my skull. Again." He tucked his chin into Die's shoulder. "The Japan trip is still in two and half weeks. I at least want to do that... I want you to see Japan with me."

Die had to grit his teeth not to cry, but he nodded. "After the trip... promise me we'll both go in after the trip. Like within a week of coming back."

Kaoru winced a little, but nodded. "Okay... fine." Grabbing Die by the shoulders, he pulled him away enough that he could look at him. "But... if I do this. If I go in and do more CT scans and MRIs and a biopsy, whatever... and they find out it's malignant and they can't do anything..." He stared into Die's eyes, searching for anything in them. "Will you marry me?"

Die stared at him for a long moment before he quite literally broke down sobbing, throwing his arms around Kaoru, trying hard to nod. "Y-yes."

Kaoru squeezed him back, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Thank you. I just - if I'm gonna die, I want to die your husband."

Die nodded even more, sniffling, his head shoved against Kaoru's neck. "I love you," he whispered out.

Kaoru combed his fingers through Die's hair, brushing his lips against his ear. "I love you, Daisuke." He held him for a long, quiet moment more before speaking again. "If it's not life-threatening, though... I think it's still probably best if wait until the five-year mark and decide then, but..." He gave a little smile, pressing it to Die's cheek so he could feel it. "Can I just call you my future husband?"

Pulling back a little, he mopped at his face with the back of his hand, nodding at Kaoru in the quirky little way he had of doing so.

He smiled a little more, thumb brushing over Die's cheek. "Okay. Good. So, does this mean I'm forgiven, or should I just be thankful it's going on your to-do list?"

Die wasn't entirely sure how to answer. Honestly, he still felt really lost. Humming softly under his breath, he closed his eyes and then slowly started singing, most of the way through the song he had in mind. "Every now and then I fall apart, and I need you now tonight. And I need you more than ever, and if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever. And we'll only be making it right, ‘cause we'll never be wrong together."  
His fingertips traced down Kaoru's cheek before he leaned in, softly kissing him.

Kaoru cocked his head, a little confused to not get an answer, but rather, have Die burst out into song. He didn't interrupt, though, and when Die's lips met his own, it was like a chemical reaction, instantaneous and irreversible. His hand slipped to the back of his lover's head, laced in his soft hair, and he kissed him back with a hungry passion, his arm wrapped tightly around his waist, tugging him close.

Die's kiss just remained tender and gentle, his love there, but none of his usual lust. Once he pulled back from the kiss, he murmured softly, "It means you're forgiven."

Kaoru's toes curled and he nodded excitedly, a few more tears, this time of joy, leaking from the corners of his eyes. "I missed kissing you so much." He sighed and rubbed Die's shoulder. "We still have a lot to talk about, though. I fucked up, so, you're king of the castle right now. We both speak completely different languages when it comes to romance, and I was just ignorant completely because I was so absorbed in myself and looking for specific things... I'm following your lead, baby."

Die nodded a little. "Well... first of all, I want to say sorry for breaking everything. I just kind of... lost it." He looked sheepish for a moment and then reached up, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to do more than I already do. I mean, to me, it's kind of automatic to do things like what I tried to show you that I'd done. Little things that I don't really shove at you and go 'look, this is romantic, right?' because that's not the point. I want you to notice that I remember small things to make you happy and I give you things just because I want to see a little smile on your lips and know for certain I put it there."

Kaoru listened, cupping Die's cheek. His brows were pulled in into a serious expression. He nodded, licking his lips, then shook his head. "Die, you do that every time you walk into a room." He tilted his head and sighed. "I don't think it's a matter of you not doing anything, I think maybe it's just me... not getting it. And now I know. When you did that, I realized how many little things I have around from you, and the other stuff, too; my necklace, the watch... I really hate that you broke the plaque, though." He frowned a little. "I can't read your mind, as much as I want to sometimes. I think, if while we were having sex, you told me what you were thinking, what it meant to you, that I'd understand more and it would ease my worry. I'd get it that just because you don't go all spiritually-high and feeding-off-my-life-force, that you're still there with your heart and not just... all the other bits." He frowned. "Sorry... I said I was taking our lead and here I am running my mouth."

Shaking his head at the apology, Die settled back off of Kaoru's lap, curling up beside him on the couch, his behind feeling sore. He didn't think sex was going to be an issue ever again, really. Honestly, he hadn't even been aroused once in the entire time he was gone and he wasn't feeling any sexual excitement welling up in him now, even with having been so close to Kaoru. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to him anymore or that he didn't want him. It was just that he didn't have any interest in sex ever since he'd gotten the testosterone out of his system. With no estrogen either, he was pretty much a lump on a log in the sexual department.

"I really am sorry we don't function on the same level in that area," he murmured, looking a little absent. Shrugging slightly, he looked back at him. "I meant what I said though. I don't ever want you to have sex with me when you don't want to. Promise me you won't."

Kaoru made a face, feeling awkward. "Ah, alright. I promise." He chewed his lip. "Is it bad I kinda want to have make-up sex right now? It is, isn't it?"

Die gave him a tiny smile. "Not bad," he offered quietly. He knew that normal him would have wanted to as well, would have been all over Kaoru the moment that kiss had turned from tender to wanting. But he just couldn't even find any interest. His body didn't really care.

He supposed the worst part was that he knew for certain that if Kaoru tried something right then, he'd go ahead and let it happen, despite it being against what he'd just made Kaoru promise. Though, he supposed, at least he knew why he wasn't interested and it had nothing to do with not wanting Kaoru and everything to do with hormone levels that were probably near zero.

Kaoru smiled back, but noted that Die didn't seem to be hurrying to drag him off to the bedroom. He tilted his head a little and then shook it, getting up and leaning over to kiss Die's cheek. "When you're ready," he murmured, turning to go towards the kitchen and start making himself something to eat. "Hey, why don't you call your top surgeon today? See if he'll send you the letter so you can go get your license changed?"

Die gave a tiny nod, frowning to himself. If anyone found out he'd thrown away the testosterone pills, he'd be screwed. They'd take away his status as a male and he didn't want that to happen. Once Kaoru was gone, he got up, going to unplug his phone and coming back, settling on the couch and pulling up the number for the doctor's office. As quietly as he could, he told the receptionist what he wanted and they agreed to talk with the doctor, taking his name, medical record number, and address down. He repeated the process again with the surgeon who'd done his hysterectomy, and then with the local clinic he'd been going to.

Kaoru made himself a panini, cutting slices of rosemary bread and putting on feta, some grilled chicken, and roasted red peppers before grilling it on the little panini grill. He pulled out some pasta salad he'd made the day before and put it all on a plate, just listening to Die make his phone calls. Even hearing his voice again felt... right. The house was stale and empty without his lover's presence. Pouring some apple juice, he went and sat back down in the living room, setting down his plate and glass and then getting his glasses and book from the parlor, coming to settle in on the couch and opening the book in his lap while he ate.

Once Die was done, he closed his phone and curled up again, yawning a bit. He sat there, watching Kaoru for a long moment before he murmured, "Did you keep the pieces to the plaque?"

Kaoru looked up, spearing some pasta onto his fork. "Hmm? Oh! Yeah, I tried to save as many pieces as I could. Some were too tiny to really worry about, but, they're all in a Ziploc on my desk."

Die nodded, getting up and going to Kaoru's desk, finding the bag and then going to his own and spreading out the pieces and finding his art glue. Very carefully, he started to arrange the pieces.

It was obvious from the prints scattered everywhere that Kaoru was working on something. At current, the office looked like he had put his brain out in a physical representation, new photos and old stood up and hung around the room, cohesion flowing through and then stuttering. Apparently, he was trying to get another portfolio together.

When he finished eating, Kaoru washed his dishes and then went to lean in the doorway. "Sorry about the mess... I've been putting different stuff together, and I've been sort of rabid working on new stuff lately, so, I've been shopping around galleries to see if they'll hang my stuff, and selling prints at some coffee houses."

Die looked up from his task, halfway through gluing when Kaoru spoke. Smiling softly, he nodded. "That's great! I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better about your work." He stuck another piece on and smiled to himself.

Kaoru shrugged, stepping in and looking around his works. "I guess we'll see how I really feel about my work. It's not hard to sell prints, price them right in the shops where the corporate workers go, make sure they're more about eye than art and just something nice to hang in a hallway. Getting a gallery to hang me? That's a bit trickier..."

Die gave him a critical eye for a moment and then got up, going directly to one of the prints, taking it from where it was sitting and bringing it back to Kaoru. It was of a photo Kaoru had taken of the river walk down from their house, the lighting on it implying just before sunrise. "That. Try the gallery on 5th. They're exclusively photography and it fits the theme they announced for next month."

Kaoru blinked, taking the print and looking it over. "Really?" It was more something he would sell in a coffee shop rather than think of it as art. Usually. But the day he'd taken the photo, he'd walked Makoto down to the river and stared back at the bridge going over into the city and missed Die so much he fell to his knees and sobbed. When he'd finally collected himself, he took the photo. Nodding, he put it into a portfolio folder with some other things he was going to run into town tomorrow. "Okay. Thanks."

"I mean it... it actually has emotional value to it. I admit, some of your works feel a little dry, but there's some that just pop. Maybe you don't see it because you had something in mind specifically, but that's not necessarily what you market things with... it's kind of in the eye of the beholder as to what it means."

Kaoru listened, pausing for a moment before wrapping his arms around Die, hugging him for a long minute before pulling away with a little smile and going to curl up on the couch with his book again.

He smiled, hugging him back and then watching him go before he turned back to his task of gluing the plaque back together. Another half an hour and a few touch-ups with his paints later, he came back out with it carefully on some cardboard. "Don't try to hang it yet, but I've fixed it as well as I can." Handing it over to Kaoru, he gave him a sheepish look. "I'm sorry I broke things."

Kaoru closed his book, taking the plaque and giving a watery smile. He set both down on the table and shook his head. "It's okay. You had every right to break stuff. In fact, I'm surprised you managed to do it as calmly as you did."

Die shrugged a little. "I just... I was in shock and super hurt more than anything. It wasn't really anger. I just didn't think saying everything would make the point that needed to be made."

Kaoru frowned slightly to be reminded, as if he could forget, that he had hurt Die, then reached out for his hand and tugged him closer, gently, pulling a smile. "I must admit, though... the wine bottles shattering against the floor were very cinematic. Ever considered performance art?" He hoped that wasn't a terrible joke and Die would know he just trying to make light of a bad situation rather than not taking it seriously.

Die let out a little laugh at the performance art part. "Ah... not really."

He sighed and rubbed Die's hand between both of his. "I would do _anything_ to make this up to you. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, if I have to." He stood and tugged Die even closer, hesitating to actually put his arms around him, not sure what boundaries there were. "And right now... all I really want is to get you in the bedroom, between the sheets, and kiss every single inch of you."

When he was pulled into a hug, he leaned into Kaoru's touch, leaning his head against the other man's shoulder. "Then carry me in there."

Kaoru was a bit surprised that Die had prompted him to do such a thing, but he recovered quickly and gave a nod, bending down and scooping Die up easily, feeling how much lighter he was and how much heavier it made his heart. He moved into the bedroom and carefully laid his lover out, closing the door and leaving the lights off, the late morning sun through the curtains giving the room a soft glow.

Carefully, he slid onto the bed next to him, lying on his side and stroking Die's jaw. For a moment, he just looked at him, admiring his features that had become so familiar, and yet lost none of their beauty in his eyes. Hesitant, but wanting, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Die's mouth, lingering there a moment before migrating down and kissing across his ears and jaw.

Die shifted under him, his eyelids fluttering closed as he allowed the whole thing to happen. Actually, he felt really mellow, like he'd taken several downers, but not enough to make him depressed. Every once in a while, he let out a soft sound, mostly little sighs of something that sounded more like contentment.

Kaoru fell into the task easily, loving Die's smell, the softness of his skin, the heat of his body. He sucked gently at ear lobes and kissed across his face and neck extensively, pressing little kisses to his lover's eyelids and cheeks, flickering his tongue slightly against his neck. His hands stroked up and down his arms through the silk pajamas before coming to the buttons as he moved down to start kissing at the hollow of Die's throat, worrying at a button in silent question to know if it was alright to start undressing Die.

Die let out a quiet whimper at Kaoru's nuzzling. He still wasn't feeling it sexually, but he couldn't deny he liked how he was being touched. The thought seeped in that maybe this was how Kaoru usually felt, not into it sexually, but just liking the touches on a more mellow level. Part of him wanted to ask, but the other part didn't dare.

Leaving the shirt buttoned, Kaoru decided to instead move down to Die's hands, taking the right one and pushing the sleeve of his pajama top up to his elbow, rubbing his arms, massaging at the muscle a little and then delicately kissing his knuckles, moving up his hand to his wrist, sucking at the ball of it for a moment, and then kissing slowly up nearly every bit of his arm until he got to the crook of Die's elbow, tonguing the soft, sensitive flesh tenderly, kissing it like it was Die's mouth.

As the situation progressed, Die ended up moaning softly. Honestly, he still wasn't aroused, but he was enjoying it rather well.

Crawling up on his hands, Kaoru leaned over Die's torso, giving the same treatment to the other arm. Worshiping Die was as easy as breathing.

Having sufficiently covered Die's left arm up to the elbow in kisses, Kaoru scooting himself down the foot of the bed, lifting Die's leg by the back of one heel and kissing the top of it. He cast his eyes up to his lover and gave him a little smile before pushing the leg of the pajamas up around his knees, repeating the process that he'd done to Die's arms on his legs.

By the time he was done with him, Die was a quivering mess, but he still didn't manage to be physically aroused. But by then, he was almost in tears with frustration over it, though he had one arm thrown over his eyes to hide that fact.

Crawling up Die's body, Kaoru laid against him, not trying to imply anything or try anything by it, but unable to help his cock pressing against Die's hip, half hard. He frowned a little and pulled Die's arm away from his eyes. "Hey... this isn't too soon, is it?"

Panting softly, he shook his head. "No..." moving his arm away, he stared up at him and then reached up. "Kiss me."

Biting his lip a little, he tilted his head and relaxed against Die, pressing his mouth to the redhead's and kissing him slowly, one hand ghosting up and down his side.

Die kissed him back, his frustration growing more and more because he knew from the way Kaoru was acting that he probably wanted this to actually lead to sex... that he was expecting it to. But he just couldn't push his body there, it was too far down without the usual hormones. He tried hard not to let his emotions seep into the kiss, just keeping it slow and seemingly relaxed.

Kaoru knew Die too well, though. He could feel his mind go elsewhere, his body tense. He pulled away a little, looking down at him with concern, reaching up to brush his hair back from his face. "Baby... what's wrong? We don't have to do this... You don't have to be ready right away, I understand."

When Kaoru pulled away, Die's first thought was one of utter panic. He tensed, staring at Kaoru for a moment before he relaxed a little. At least he wasn't blaming himself. With a soft sigh, Die just shook his head a little, murmuring out, "I'm sorry." He'd definitely have to do some research on how long it was going to take to get any sex drive back... if he ever would. Because now he felt like an asshole. He desired Kaoru, but his body didn't give a shit what his mind thought. The disconnect was almost terrifying.

Kaoru sighed and shook his head. "Don't be sorry." Carefully, he got off the bed, pulling Die's pajama top up enough to lean down and kiss his stomach, playfully tugging at his belly button ring with his teeth before rubbing his leg and walking back out of the room, picking up his book and glasses and moving out to the porch for a cigarette.

Die let out a soft gasp at the way he tugged on his ring. But when he left, Die stared after him, feeling rather lost. He'd been about to offer to at least get him off with a handjob or something, but now he was gone.

Sighing, he sat up and pulled his shirt down. Getting up, he went back to the living room, sitting down on the couch and picking up his phone. This was weighing heavily on him and he didn't know if maybe Kyo was up. Flipping open his phone, he sent a quick text. _I'm sure you already know... but I think I may have fucked up. I poured out my entire T prescription after I left. I can't get a refill and now Kaoru wanted makeup sex and I couldn't even get physically interested in it. I don't have ANY sex drive now. :( I just wanted to lower it, not kill it._ Sending off the message, he got up and went to the office, snatching his laptop from his backpack on the way, turning it on and plunking down in his chair to wait on it to load.

Kyo rolled over, reaching past Fea's dead-asleep body to his phone on the nightstand. He wasn't still tired, not really, it just felt too good lying next to him. Sighing, he sent a quick text back. _Lie and say you lost your prescription, maybe ask them to change it to another form, it could help. Weekly injections instead of daily pills?_

Die picked up his phone when it buzzed and flipped it open, reading the text. _I can't do the injections. It's got something in it that I'm allergic to, that's how I ended up on the pills. It was several months' worth. I don't think they'll replace that. Besides... I'm not even sure I want it back. Our fight came from our ongoing fights over sex... I don't want that again. I hate that he said he'd had sex with me when he didn't want to and I never want that to happen again. But on the same token, I don't want to never have sex again at all. Plus... if I stay off of it, then I'll never even be a candidate for the rest of the surgeries. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything I do has some huge negative consequence._

Fea rolled over and tucked an arm around Kyo's waist, making him purr and run his fingers over his soft, dark hair. _Split the difference. Go back, tell them you lost your prescription, tell them you were kind of concerned you were having some really negative effects from it, see if you can bump your dose back, take it every other day. Then maybe you'll find the right balance?_ He waited a moment and then pulled up his camera, taking a photo of Fea asleep against his chest, long, nearly black hair fanned out everywhere, his dark fringe of lashes dusting over high cheeks, his skin pale and clear. _Can I call you soon? I have to catch you up on this. (Isn't he beautiful?)_

Die read the message, staring at it and then sighing softly. The second came in and he smiled, replying. _Yeah, you can call. Give me about twenty minutes._ He sent the message then closed the office door, dialing up the number for the clinic. He was put on hold for about five minutes and then a cheery voice asked how they could help him. As quietly as possible, he explained that he needed an appointment with his doctor, preferably today, because he'd lost his prescription and needed to discuss the dosage. They told him to be there in half an hour and he went right into panic mode, rushing out of the office and into the bedroom, tossing on clothing and then pulling the money Kyo had given them out of his backpack, stuffing a couple hundred into his pocket to pay.

He headed out onto the front porch, using his second pair of flip-flops. "I have an appointment. I'll be back in a while, okay?" He stared at Kaoru, praying he wouldn't ask to come with him.

Kaoru gave a start, looking at Die rushing out of the house. "Wh- okay? Um... do you want me to drive you?"

Die ducked his head for a moment, knowing if he said no, he'd have an issue. Sighing, he nodded, realizing he didn't have the keys to his car anyway. "Please."

Kaoru nodded, going back in to get his keys. "I'll meet you around back at the car."

Die nodded, hopping off the porch and jogging around back, going to the car and waiting, texting Kyo again. _Going to appointment. Make that like... two hours for the call? Sorry. It was now or next month._

Kaoru grabbed his keys and put Makoto in the pen, coming out and unlocking the door to his car and getting in. Kyo texted back quickly. _That sounds good. Fea's going to have lunch with Clairen soon, anyway, so I'll be here by myself, free time._

Die slid into the car and opened his phone again, staring at the text. _Kaoru's driving me... awkward._

 _He's trying to be supportive, let him. Besides, you two need to be totally open with each other if this is going to ever work._ He started making coffee, adding some hot chocolate mix, nutmeg, and chicory to it for Fea. _Can I just say that I am totally in love with this man, by the way, and that it completely scares the pants off me?_

Die sighed softly. _Do you mean I need to tell him I flushed the pills? Or can I just leave it at I lost them?_ In response to the second one, he managed a smile. _Aww, I'm glad you're in love. You deserve to be happy._ Glancing at Kaoru, he murmured, "I need to go to the clinic."

_Maybe not *that* honest. But... just don't hide things from each other. And Die, he's smarter than you think._

Kaoru was already headed across the bridge in that direction. "I figured." He reached over and smoothed his hand down Die's hair before putting both back on the wheel again.

Die flipped open the phone and then stared at Kyo's message. A moment later, Kaoru told him he figured and he turned his wide eyes on him. Blushing, he looked back down. _Wow... that was timing._ "How'd you know?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru looked at him, blinking a little. "You called the clinic this morning about getting your sex changed on your license?"

Die swallowed a bit. "Oh..." staring at his lap, he remembered what Kyo had just told him about honesty. "That's not why. I kind of... lost... my pills."

Kaoru slammed on brakes instead of easing up behind the other car waiting at the light. The person behind him honked. He stared at Die, shocked. He knew what hormone deprivation could do. One of the head writers at the magazine had been treated using it for prostate cancer. "Fuck... baby. When?"

Die winced, grabbing the 'oh shit' handle over the door. "Uh... like the day after I left."

"Fuck..." He reached for Die's hand, squeezing it, starting to go again when the light turned green and turning to head down to the clinic. "I'm so sorry."

Shaking his head, Die offered, "Don't apologize." Seriously... he did not need him apologizing for what he didn't do.

Kaoru gnashed his lip, brows furrowed. "I just feel like... if I had gotten my shit together and been honest with you instead of freaking out and pushing you away, none of this would have happened."

Die shrugged a little. "Stop worrying about it so much, Kaoru. There's nothing either of us could have done. I think somehow this was fated for us."

"It's just..." He shook his head, pulling into the clinic's parking lot and shutting off the engine. "When we started all this, the one thing I hoped for the most was that I wouldn't break your heart. And I did."

"It happens, Kaoru. Life." Reaching over, he gently squeezed his hand and then got out of the car. Immediately, he rushed inside and up to the desk, checking in and paying the hundred dollar fee in cash before he was asked to go to the waiting room. Quietly, he went to sit, wondering if Kaoru was going to come in or not.

Kaoru followed after, meeting him in the waiting room. Sitting down beside him, he cleared his throat a little. "So, um... not that I have any expectations or anything, I just... I mean, I told you we should take a break so you could... explore, see other people. I guess there's not a whole lot of flirting in a Wal-Mart parking lot, but... were you with anyone?" He wasn't accusing and he wouldn't be angry, but he had to know.

Die stared at him in shock for a moment and then actually let out a quiet laugh. "Uh...no." Making an awkward little face, he shook his head. "Kaoru... I can't even get physically aroused anymore. I went cold turkey off T. Besides, going around boinking people isn't exactly a cure for heartbreak."

Kaoru looked ashamed for a moment, staring at his lap. "Sorry. I had to ask."

For a long moment Doe stared at his own hands before he quietly asked, "Did you?"

All the color drained from Kaoru's face for a moment. He toyed with his fingers and tried not to throw up. "...Yeah..."

Die winced a bit before he murmured quietly, "... Anyone I know?"

Kaoru shook his head in a tiny gesture, trying to keep the tears at bay. "No... _I_ don't know him. It was when I was high."

Die gave a little nod. "How was it?"

Kaoru put his hands over his face and gave a bitter laugh. "Fuck, Die, do you really wanna know that?" He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, sighing and letting the silence drag for a moment. "He was really sexy. Some kind of Arab or some shit, I dunno. It used to be, I would live to get skiied and fuck, sex on cocaine is like... the ultimate hedonistic experience, and..." He shook his head. "Sex, sober, with you... is ten thousand times better."

Die waited on the answer, giving a little nod at the question. Somehow though, the answer didn't make him feel any better. Here he'd been upset over not being able to get all hot and bothered for Kaoru, only to find out his lover had gone and fucked someone while they were apart. He supposed it was valid, but he was really annoyed because of the fact that he'd thought Kaoru wanted him to cut back on sex and the first thing he did was go and fuck some random guy. He hadn't thought it was possible to feel worse, but he did.

His name was called, giving him the distraction he needed. Sniffing a bit, he got up, heading toward the woman, not inviting Kaoru back with him. He didn't want to share his thoughts with him right then.

Kaoru watched him go, feeling like any headway that had made had just got completely out the window, but he couldn't have lied to Die. He would have had to have told him eventually. Just because he hated what happened didn't mean he hadn't done it, or make it any less terrible.

The nurse weighed him and then took his pulse and temperature. Once she was done, the doctor came in and sat down with Die's chart, looking up at him worriedly. "Daisuke... are you aware you're seventeen pounds lighter than you were last time you were in here?"

Die winced a little and nodded. "I've had some issues... financial. I'm okay now, but I wasn't really eating for two weeks. Couldn't afford it." He heaved a sigh. "Actually, that's kind of why I'm here. I was homeless for a few weeks and I lost my testosterone pills. All of them."

The doctor nodded at him. "I can write you a refill prescription, but I'm afraid I can't help in the payment department for that."

Die shrugged a little. "I actually have a question. My significant other... I annoy him with how overly sexed I have become because of the testosterone. But now that I've been without it for two weeks, I have no sex drive at all. Neither one is working. Is there anything else we can do?"

"Normally, I would say we could cut your dosage back, but I don't think we should do that since you're not entirely done with your surgeries. Also, if we cut it back, you'd no longer qualify for the note you called about with the state requirements. They're very specific on what counts as 'living as a male' and I wouldn't want to take that away from you." He shifted slightly in his seat. "Have you spoken with him about it?"

Die nodded, gnawing on his lower lip. He wasn't going to offer all of his relationship history up on a platter to be analyzed.

"I assume you're already trying to deal with the excess sexual tension on your own?"

Die shrugged a bit. "I think it bothers him when I get off on my own. Like it makes him feel inadequate or something."

"Are you willing to cut back, even with the state not counting it and the fact that you'll have to go on a higher dosage before your surgeries?"

Running one hand over his face, Die thought about it for a long few minutes. Finally, he shook his head. "Can we try another type or something?" Anything to say he'd tried, even if it didn't work. Maybe a few weeks ago he'd have given up all of that for Kaoru, but right then he was hurt. He felt like he needed to put his own wants first for once, especially in this.

The doctor nodded. "It's still the same dosage. I'll write a script for that and for the old one in case you have a bad reaction to the new one."

Die nodded. "Thank you."

"Is there anything else you need?"

He shook his head, taking the scripts once they were written along with his letter for the state. Leaving the office, he went to the pharmacy and put in the scripts, waiting for about fifteen minutes in the little alcove before he got his prescriptions and then headed back to the waiting area, looking for Kaoru.

Kaoru sat, bored and anxious, his stomach in knots. He resorted to reading an issue of Elle in the waiting room while he waited just to keep occupied. When Die came back out, he gave a tiny sigh of relief to see the bag with the medication, standing and heading towards the door. "Ready to go?"

Die nodded slightly. "Yeah..." he murmured softly, heading outside before he flipped open his phone and texted Kyo. _Done with appointment. Have something I need to get off my chest... not gonna talk in front of Kaoru though. Once we're home, I'll tell you and then I can step outside, have a smoke, and talk._

Kaoru nodded and left, holding the door for Die and walking to the car. Kyo texted back quickly after kissing Fea goodbye and going to lie on the couch. _Oh shit. Okay, I'll be waiting._

Die read the text and shoved the phone into his pocket, going to the car and getting in. "I'm sorry it took that long."

Kaoru shook his head, starting the car. "It wasn't that long. You got everything you needed taken care of, right?"

"Yeah, I did." He sat there, staring down at the bag containing three months of each pill, wondering why he was even bothering. He supposed it was because he needed to feel okay about himself if nothing else.

Kaoru tactfully shut the hell up, not wanting to bring the issue up until Die was ready, be that a confrontation or some sort of compromise. Making a rather sudden decision that he couldn't simply act like it hadn't happened, however, he swung around towards the other side of their neighborhood, driving home the back way. Pulling into a strip mall attached to a grocery store, he told Die he would be right back and went into a bakery. He returned a few minutes later carrying a box, putting it in Die's lap before heading to the house.

Die sat in the car, staring down at his lap, a frown on his face. After a few minutes, Kaoru came back out and Die gave the box a shocked look. He wasn't stupid; he knew what it was... a cake. Opening it, he peered in to discover a chocolate cake with strawberries lining the sides, and the words _I'm sorry_ written across the top in white.

He sighed softly, closing it and pulling it back toward his stomach, his head bowed, hair barely hiding him as tears ran down his face. Maybe a stupid cake shouldn't have affected him so much, but it did.

Kaoru bit the inside of his lip until he tasted blood, feeling like a dick for making Die cry. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, don't think this implies that I think a cake is going to fix this. I was, I dunno, being spontaneous..." Or grasping at straws.

He shook his head a little, wiping at the tears. "It's not that," he choked out, one slim hand coming to cover his mouth, tears still sliding down his cheeks.

Kaoru wanted to reach over and touch his shoulder or hold his hand, but he didn't. He wanted to ask what it was, then, but he didn't. He was scared Die would cut him wide open if he gave the other any prompt to do so. Sighing, he pulled up in the yard and got out of the car, seeming to drag himself up the steps to the porch and kicked off his shoes before fumbling with his keys to unlock the door.

Die just sat there, not really feeling like getting out of the car just yet. Sighing, he opened his phone and called Kyo, still in tears.

Kaoru stood on the porch and turned to see Die still in the car, and pulling out his phone to make a call. The first thought that came to mind was that he was calling someone to come get him, that he couldn't stay with Kaoru anymore. He knew he shouldn't go back and investigate, that he needed to give Die some space, as much as he wanted to cling to him and beg for forgiveness and tell him how much he meant to him. So, he went into the house, and promptly crawled up under the blankets on the futon in the guest room, hugging onto Makoto, who was sleeping there.

Die tried twice, finding that each time the call wouldn't even go through. Sighing, he closed the phone and tossed it in his lap, running a hand over his face. Pointless. Maybe it was the universe trying to tell him he didn't need to be shoving his shit on Kyo... that he'd been right to start with, not telling him anything. Besides, he probably knew anyway.

Getting out, he shoved things into his pockets and quietly carried the cake box inside. He put it down on the counter and opened the lid, quietly cutting out a piece and putting it on his plate before taking a few bites. It was good, but somehow it didn't help.

He put the box in the fridge and poured some milk, heading into the bedroom and curling up on the bed with his cake, milk, and pills. With a sigh, he opened the new bottle and tapped out two - the starter dose - and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them down with milk.

After a moment, his phone buzzed, Kyo calling him. He stared down at the phone for a long moment, sighing and then picking it up. "Hey...."

"Hey! Sorry... my phone's acting weird and it wouldn't connect, but I could see you calling."

Kyo's voice sounded in his ear and he just gave a little shrug, poking at a strawberry, his voice really quiet. "It's fine."

Kyo sighed, flopping down onto his bed. "Sugar, you don't sound so hot. What's wrong? What do you need to get off your chest?"

Die stared down at his lap. "He slept with someone else." There really wasn't any other way to say it. 

Kyo blinked, staring up at the ceiling, silent for a long moment. "...What?" Somehow, in the one syllable, shock bled quickly into rage. "What the _fuck_?! That _asshole_! How did you find out?"

"He asked me if I slept with anyone while I was gone. I pretty much laughed in his face because how the hell could I possibly when I can't even get aroused? Then I asked him if he'd slept with anyone... because why else would he have brought it up? He said he did."

There was wordless grumbling and obvious sounds of speechless anger on the other side of the line. After a moment it was clear Kyo had thrown the phone down and was screaming before he picked it back up, short of breath. "That prick. That fucking hypocrite. I can't _believe_ he would do this to you. Fuck! Why didn't I know? I could have helped save you a lot of trouble. He can't even make a _day_ without completely fucking breaking your heart again?"

Die sat there through it all, biting his lip and then shrugging a little. "I don't know what I want anymore... it hurts, a lot.” Sighing, he banged his head back against the wall. "He asked me if I'd marry him if he's diagnosed with this tumor actually being one that'll kill him. I said yes... this was before I knew he slept with someone while we were apart." He shoved a strawberry in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. "I just... I can't believe it. We argued because of me my goddamn sex drive. Then I go to get the pills so I have one again because I felt bad for not being aroused. And then he tells me he slept with someone else. It feels like I just got slapped hard in the face."

Kyo's chest constricted listening to Die talk, his mouth turning down. "I'm so sorry, Die... so you're leaving him?"

"Honestly... I don't know. But I feel like at the very least I want to show him how it feels and go fuck someone." He sighed. "But he says he was high... so then I feel like I should make that even, too... maybe get plastered and then fuck someone and use it as an excuse."

Kyo scoffed a little, his mouth obviously wide open. "Wow. I don't know where this really vindictive side of you came from, but it's totally turning me on right now. Would you actually do it? I mean, you're hot. If you go as a chick and don't take your top off, any guy in a bar would totally fuck you." He felt bad for encouraging such looping amounts of gender bending, but he knew that it was easier to stick to genitalia with fucks, probably. "Or are you just talking to make yourself feel better?"

Die sighed softly, taking a sip of milk. "A little of both. I may sound more hurt right now... but I'm actually really mad." He shoved a hand through his hair. An idea formed in his mind and he wished for a moment that he wasn't interrupting what Kyo and Fea had if he enacted it. But he wasn't an asshole... at least not that much of one. He put the milk aside and shoved the plate on the dresser, lying down and curling up on his side. "You know the worst part? I want to make him take an STD test. He said he didn't even fucking know the guy."

"You'd better be fucking mad! Don't you dare just feel sorry for yourself, because he's a sorry piece of shit. You'd better have some really good reasons for staying with him, that's the only reason you'd want him to take an STD test, because if I were you, I'd burn all his shit on the lawn and key his car, for starters."

Die bowed his head, feeling the hot burn of tears again. He just couldn't take it. He wanted to do some terrible things and more he just wanted comfort he couldn't get over the phone. He wanted a warm body next to him, holding him while he sobbed his brains out. And now a part of him wanted revenge for the double heartache. Separating was one thing, but knowing Kaoru fucked someone else was a whole other. "I said I was sorry... I fixed his plaque that I broke... I just... I can't... I don't know!" Finally his anger got the better of him and he grabbed his milk glass, hurling it at the other wall, watching it shatter, the milk splattering everywhere. "FUCK!" he screamed out.

The sound of the glass hitting the wall made Kaoru jump, sitting up, but too scared to find out what was going on. 

Kyo shushed him, frowning. "Die... do you... do you want me to fly you out here? I'm going back to Japan in a few days, but... I can fly you out, and you can stay in my apartment while I'm gone or something, if you want?"

Die flopped back on the bed and shoved his face into the pillow for a minute before moving to talk again, his voice barely above a whisper. "No... I won't do that to you. But... I'm going to use some of the money you gave me and him and I'm going to get a hotel room or something. I don't want to be here right now. I just want to scream and throw things and I don't want to be _that_ person."

Kyo made a little noise. "You have every right to be mad, and don't think you'd be burdening me. I miss you, I want to be there for you." There was the distinct clacking of keys and Kyo hummed. "I'm already looking up flights... there's one at seven from your airport, to Portland, then to LAX. Kaoru goes to NA meetings every evening, right? You could pack and leave while he's gone."

"I'm going to tell him why I'm leaving. I'm not going to sneak out." Die sighed softly, shaking his head. "But I need time to clear my head somewhere that's not a goddamn parking lot." After a few moments, he murmured, "Book it. I'll pack. How many bags am I allowed to bring and how long can I stay?"

Kyo clicked on the flight and checked everything. "One suitcase, one carry-on. But if you want more stuff, you can pack it and ship it to me. I'll text you my address. And you can stay as long as you want, Die. Hell, if you have a passport, you can come to Japan with me. I'll pull some strings and figure out how to get you on staff so it can look legit as business travel if I need to. You were going to come in a few weeks anyway, right?"

Die sighed softly, getting up. "Yeah... I was. I'll just use the big suitcase and then bring my small one as a carry-on and the laptop bag since that qualifies as a purse. My ID still says woman, so they can seriously suck my fake dick if they object to me having a purse." He shuffled around the room, finding the bags and then starting to fill them with things out of the dresser drawers and closet. "So I need to be there at five then for the flight at seven?"

Kyo couldn't help but be happy that Die was coming to stay with him. He missed his best friend. But a small part of him somewhere was scared and felt like a dick, because he knew that, despite being with Fea, part of his excitement was, some joy in temporarily winning in the silent game of tug-of-war he and Kaoru seemed to be playing with Die. "Yeah, five or five-thirty. Before six. You should land around eleven here, the layover in Portland is about forty-five minutes. Just call me when you're about to fly out of Portland and I'll pick you up at LAX, alright?"

"Okay," Die murmured. "Thank you." Sniffling a little, he ran his hand over his face. "I'll see you soon."

Kyo hummed a little. "Don't mention it. Anything for you, okay? Just... try to get some rest on the flight. I have so much to tell you when you get here."

"I will. I warn you, I may be drunk by the time I show up. Where do I pick up my tickets? What airline?" He finished shoving in clothing, most of the drawers and his half of the closet near empty. He shoved in some shoes and then closed the bag, glad it fit.

"Southwest Air. It was the soonest flight." Kyo chewed a little on his thumbnail, sitting cross-legged on the bed. "Do you want it to just be you and me tonight? Fea was supposed to come spend the night again. He'll understand if I cancel."

Die paused for a moment, his hands on his jewelry bag. For a moment, he was just quiet and then did what he considered to be the right thing. "Don't cancel. It's fine."

Kyo sort of melted, smiling. "Good. I really want you to meet him, I think you'll like him."

"I hope so. He sounds nice." Finishing up in there, he fell silent and then sighed. "I should go. I have to put my stuff from the bathroom in and then tell him I'm going."

"Alright, honey. Have strength! I'll see you in a few hours."

"See you then." He hung up and then quickly went about packing the rest up, setting both bags by the front door. Taking a deep breath, he moved off to the guest bedroom, knocking on the door. "Kaoru?"

Kaoru was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, Makoto on his chest. At the knock, he simply called "Yes?" not wanting to sit up and dump the sleeping puppy off of him.

Die gently pushed the door open and stepped into the doorway. "I'm going to visit Kyo for a while. I just need some time alone to think... time that's not in a Wal-Mart parking lot. I'm not leaving you. I want to make that perfectly clear. I think I'll probably be in Japan when you come. We can meet up again then. Okay?"

Kaoru felt like Die was pulling some joke on him, and he wasn't laughing. Sitting up, dumping Makoto into his lap and waking him up with a start, he looked at Die with eyes that quickly overflowed with tears. "Wh-what?" He shook his head, hard, trying to clear it. He'd done a lot of shitty things. He couldn't blame Die for not staying. "I... alright?"

He wiped quickly at his cheeks, trying to stop crying. Getting up quickly, he went to the door to hug Die, then stopped, realizing that if Die wanted to be away from him for another two weeks, possibly, he probably didn't want a hug goodbye. "I... guess I'll call you when I'm in Tokyo."

Die gave him a look before slowly reaching out and pulling him into his arms, holding him tight for a few moments. "I'm sorry I have to do this. I need time. I need to digest everything." For a moment he paused and then he murmured softly, "Promise me you'll do a few things for me?"

Kaoru let himself be pressed against Die, his lover's name leaving him in a muffled wail against his shoulder. He clung to him and sobbed, trying so hard to keep it together and failing. The idea of Die leaving again was excruciating. Was he really so terrible he couldn't keep his lover around for a full day? At the request, he nodded, leaning back and wiping his eyes to wait and be told what they were.

"Don't you dare go back to drugs. You'll keep going to NA and you're going to go get those tests done for the tumor when I come back." He bit his lip for a moment and then pulled back, staring at him hard. "Please don't sleep with anyone else while I'm gone. Please." For a long moment, he looked down at his feet and then shook his head a little. "No doing anything stupid. I'd like to see you in one piece when I see you. You're allowed to text me, okay?"

Kaoru just trembled and cried like an idiot, nodding and blubbering out little sobs, his nose running. "R-r-r-right... no drugs, n-n-no fucking, no stupid, r-rash decisions." His breath in hitched terribly, like his stuttering, and he covered his face with his hands for a moment, embarrassed at how awful and falling apart he looked just then.

Die shook him a tiny bit. "Hey... listen to me. I need you to understand me. I still love you. I just need time... okay?"

Kaoru nodded, wiping his face and then pushing his hands back through his hair. "Okay... okay... do--do you want me to drive you to the airport?"

Die thought about it for a moment. "Will it hurt you more to do it?"

Kaoru sort of gulped, shrugging. "Probably. It'll hurt either way."

"I can take a cab if it's going to hurt you like that. I don't want to hurt you more than I already am." It was the truth; he didn't want that to happen and he hated that he was hurting him more, but he just wanted to be somewhere he wouldn't explode and hurt him physically if he truly lost it.

Kaoru nodded, squeezing out of the door past Die and grabbing his leather jacket by the door, shrugging it on and going to grab Makoto. The little dog squirmed around in his arms, making noises. "Then I'm gonna go. There's a meeting at 5:30, I'll find a way to kill time before then and get out of your way." He was still sobbing, completely falling apart and desperately trying to act like he wasn't. He hefted the puppy under his arm and grabbed his keys, face still contorted in a mask of anguish that was almost comical as he went out the back door and shoved his feet into a pair of Vans, going down to the yard and putting Makoto in the pen.

Die sighed, watching him go. Quietly, he moved around, packing his backpack with new stuff and his freshly charged computer. Next, he put some more stuff in the smaller rolling bag, including some snacks, unopened booze, etc. Then he sat down and ate the remainder of what Kaoru had fixed him the night before.

With that done, he actually went back in and stared at the mess of glass and milk. He didn't want to clean it, wanted to be a vengeful ass about it, but he also didn't want to potentially make Kaoru step in glass. That was too cruel for his tastes. Carefully, he used the vacuum to clean up the glass and then napkins to clean up the milk.

Then he wrote out a note to Kaoru on violet stationary.

_Kaoru,_

_First, I want you to truly understand that I do love you. I love you with all my heart... and that's why I'm crushed. The time we spent apart before, I spent living in some kind of emotional horror-land. My heart broke so far I wasn't sure I had one anymore. I wanted to come back, to come crawling on the porch and begging you to take me back in. But I didn't. I didn't want to disrupt what you had set in motion. You wanted us apart, so I let it happen until you were ready to call me. I wish it hadn't happened like that._

_Then... you tell me you slept with someone else while I was spending most of my time sitting in a Wendy's living off of water and french fry fumes. I just... I lost it. We fought over sex... we fought because I tried to do what you wanted and not be a horny bastard. We fought because I'm not romantic in the way you want me to be. Then you go have sex with someone else. I'd have thought you'd have taken the time off as a relief. But you didn't. Instead, you found someone else. I feel crushed; like you stomped all over me. I know you were high, but it's not an excuse. I just hope he gave you whatever you were looking for out of it and that it was worth it._

_I'm going to stay with Kyo because I need to sort myself out and I need to have someone's shoulder I can cry on, someone I can talk it all through with this time. Last time I had nothing except to shove it all down deep inside. It didn't help. I still feel like my heart is shattered._

_Please keep your promises, Kaoru. I mean it. I beg you._

_Die_

_PS  
Remember you can call me._

He folded it up and put it into an envelope with Kaoru's name on it. Quietly, he moved around, packing up the cake in a box to take it with him, seeing no point in wasting it. Then he killed time, making lasagna for Kaoru and putting it on the counter, hoping he'd come home in time for it to be okay, the note on top and a sticky on the side.

_Made this for you. Sorry I'm hurting you.  
Die_

Then he gathered his stuff and called a cab, moving to the front porch and waiting.

Kaoru had left promptly, his eyes bleary from the tears still coming. He drove only as far as the river walk and parked at the back beside a tree, laying back his seat and sobbing loudly. He felt crushed, something in him feeling like any possibility of Die ever coming back being a pipe dream. He had no one to blame but himself, which only made it worse. He felt like he was going to throw up, all the crying giving him a killer headache, but nothing hurt worse than the heavy, sinking hole in his chest.

After an hour, he finally calmed down, his head having gone through so many thoughts and options he felt empty and strained to the limit, but at least was numbed out. Bitterly, he thought how the whole situation, and it's worst possible outcomes, made the thought of possibly only living another year at most a little easier to handle. Cranking the car and drying his eyes with some napkins from the glove compartment, he drove to the nearest book store and scoured the health section for books on brain tumors so he could at least educate himself before he finally went in for a biopsy, and then headed to his meeting to try and just keep going on, one day at a time.

At the airport, Die went through all the motions of getting his ticket, surprised to find that it was a First Class ticket, window seating. Not that he was going to argue... it made the in-flight booze free. He'd have probably spent more on the mini bottles anyway and that technically would have been Kyo's money as well.

Settling at the gate, security having taken away his lotion and shampoo, he pulled out his phone and texted Kyo. _Assholes took my shampoo and lotion. :(_ Then he texted Kaoru. _Another thing you need to do. Actually submit that photo to the gallery._ With that done, he closed his phone and leaned back, rubbing at his eyes. He still felt like shit, really. Even with the pills in his system, it was still going to take a few days for him to not feel like he'd been hit by a truck.

Kyo was the only one to respond, sending back _D:! We can go get you some when you land, or you can borrow mine. Have a good flight!_

Sitting up, he stared at the text and then smiled a little. Already he felt a little better, knowing he was going to be somewhere he could get hugs when he needed them. Licking his lips a little, he responded with, _Will try. *hugs*_ Sending it, he sat back again, snoozing until his flight was announced as boarding. He got in line immediately, going through the motions of handing over his ticket and ID, letting them 'randomly' select him to search his bag again. But even that didn't really bother him right then.

Sighing, he put his bag under the seat in front of him and plopped down in the leather chair, tugging on the seatbelt and waiting for them to take off.

Almost forty minutes later, they were finally in the air and he called the stewardess over and asked her for three bottles of vodka and an orange juice, which she brought back rather promptly and Die downed almost as fast.

The rest of the flight was spent alternating between napping and ordering more booze so he could go back to sleep again. By the time he landed, he was rather drunk, though not really showing it except the slight flush in his cheeks and the scent of booze on him. There was a slight waver in his steps as he left the plane and moved along to the gate for his connecting flight.

At the gate, he pulled out his phone, turned it on and then texted Kyo. _In Portland. Board in ten minutes._ With that, he went to the restrooms, took a much-needed piss, and then came back just in time to board the flight.

Once again, he set up his process of getting booze and napping, though mostly napping this time.

Upon landing at LAX, he had to wait another half an hour before the plane found a gate and let them leave, though his normal annoyance was completely squashed by the booze. Getting off, he headed for the luggage claim area.

Kyo sent Die a text when he saw his flight up on the arrivals board. _I'm waiting outside the security by the baggage claim. I'll try to stay somewhere you can see me easy._

Die pulled his phone out and peered at the screen, realizing he'd forgotten to turn it off this time. Smart going. Carefully, he replied. _Kay._ Then he was on his weaving way toward the baggage area, his eyes obviously glassy from the booze. Hiccupping, he spotted Kyo, making a beeline toward him.

Kyo was already laughing quietly at him, walking towards him to meet him in the middle. "Oh my god, you're already tanked. Good, you and Fea will get along, he's a drinker." He wrapped his arms around Die's waist and hugged him tight. "Come on, let's go get your bags."

"I," Die held up one finger and shook it, "am drunk." That was about the end of that particular conversation as he hugged Kyo back tightly, not letting him go. The bags could wait. Right then, he needed a hug more than anything.

Kyo moved to let go and head towards baggage, but Die kept him held against him, so he staggered and put his arms back around Die, hugging his waist. "I missed you, too, kid."

"Don't let go yet," Die whispered, pretty much clinging to Kyo in the middle of the damn airport. He was sure this wasn't good for Kyo's image, but his drunken brain couldn't quite care right then.

Kyo rubbed Die's back, feeling a little awkward after a moment, but not pulling away. He knew Die was having a rough time and he tried not to get freaked out by the people giving them the eye as they walked past. After a moment longer, though, he cleared his throat. "Um... I love you, Die, but... contract. Can't have this leaked everywhere."

Die winced a bit, pulling back. "Sorry." He hadn't really thought about that part. Glancing around, he tried to make sure no one had their cameras out. He didn't see any, so he hoped that was okay.

Wandering off towards baggage claim, he still felt like his body wasn't quite sure which way was up.

Kyo shook his head. "It's okay." He walked close to Die, going over to the conveyor belt with the bags, waiting for Die to pick up his. "Fea's ordering pizza, should be there by the time we get back."

Die nodded a little. "I should probably eat again. I didn't for most of the time I was gone." He shrugged a little, standing by the bag claim, watching as it started up and bags started to fall to the rim, the conveyor ushering them around and around. His small bag came out first and he pulled it off, putting it next to Kyo and then going back, waiting on the big one.

Kyo frowned, not having wanted to say anything about how bony Die felt in the hug. Maybe later, when the other wasn't drunk and might take it as an insult. He set his hand on the bag to keep it from tipping over and waited for Die to get the other one.

It was almost the last bag out, but Die finally got hold of the big suitcase, tugging it over to Kyo, though not very steadily. "Kay!"

Kyo quirked a brow at him, glad that, even if it was only because he was drunk, Die seemed a little perky. He nodded and turned, rolling Die's smaller bag, and went out towards the pick-up area, where the cab driver was waiting for him, moving to pop the trunk. "I, ah, I don't know how to drive," he said with a shrug, explaining the cab.

Die laughed softly at the explanation. "I should teach you." When he was sober... obviously. Yawning, he put his bag and then the computer bag in before crawling into the back seat and tugging on his seat belt.

Kyo snickered a little, getting in on the other side and buckling his seat belt, telling the driver to go back to where he'd picked him up before switching to Japanese. "So... how are you? What's up in Die-land right now?"

Die shrugged a little. "Drunk," he informed. "I slept most of the way. And I still feel like crap. I got my pills though... so... hopefully that helps."

Kyo reached over and laid a hand over one of Die's. "I mean what's going through your head right now. Have you had time to process any at all? How did he take it?"

After a moment, Die turned his hand over and curled his fingers around Kyo's. "He cried... like just broke down on me. I don't know how he wasn't expecting that, you know?" Shaking his head a little, he sighed. "I think I'll start processing it tomorrow."

Kyo squeezed Die's hang and frowned a little. "I mean, was it hard? Watching him cry like that? Or did it kind of feel good?"

"I felt like an asshole for upsetting him. I just want some space and time. I didn't want to hurt him like he's hurt me."

"Well maybe you should have," Kyo blurted out with a sneer, then wrinkled his nose and blushed a little. "Sorry..."

Die shook his head a little, squeezing Kyo's hand. "I don't know. I mean, I'm super pissed and honestly, I still want revenge for him sleeping with someone else after all that the fight was over. But I didn't want him to cry like that."

Kyo leaned over and rested his head on Die's shoulder. "I'm sorry... you two... it's like, when you're good, it's good, but then when shit hits the fan, it really pulls out all the stops."

"Yeah... it does." Looking out the window, Die rubbed his hands over his pants. "For the love of god, tell me you have a cigarette. I'm dying over here. Still haven't had one since I left the first time."

Kyo smirked, tossing a twenty up into the front seat of the cab and pulling out his pack, lighting two and handing one to Die. The driver gave him a glare, then pocketed the twenty and stayed silent, rolling down the back windows.

"Thank fucking god. I love you." Die took one and took in a deep drag, a slow moan filtering out his mouth as he let out the smoke, melting into the seat. "Oooooh yeah."

Kyo laughed, a nasally sound that was boyish, only accentuating how petite he was, somehow. He pushed his hair out of his face as it got blown around with the windows down and he switched topics. "Kenji says thanks for the poster. They're in every fucking train station in Nagoya right now, I'm sure. His theory with advertising borders on harassment." He laughed a little. "Have you made sure the money went through?" The whole thing had been under the table and to avoid any weird exchange rate fees and sending a check, Kyo had convinced them to use PayPal.

Die smiled a bit. "I'm glad he liked it. I was really worried since I finished it up while I was... well... you know where I was." He took another drag, holding it in for a minute before letting it out. "Yeah, I got the payment. Only issue is that the bank account attached to the PayPal account is Kaoru's, so it's just kind of sitting there right now."

Kyo's jaw dropped. "What? Why the fuck did you attach it to his?"

"Because... I was paying him part of the bills I owed that way." He shrugged a little. "It was easier." Crossing one leg over the other, he wiggled around a little and then settled, taking another drag. "I'm going to un-attach it, which is easy. I just need to then wait on it to process through with my info. It'll take a while and I wasn't in the right mindset to do it while I was away. It's not like I had my bank card with me then either. Now I do though."

Kyo gave a little nod, giving Die's hand a particularly hard squeeze. "Don't worry about money when you're with me. I mean it. I've got plenty, there's no sense in you spending what you barely have when I've got more than enough to let you float for a while and save."

Die gave him a sort of watery smile. "Let me do something for you in return. Please?"

Kyo gave an almost bitter laugh, wagging his fingers with his cigarette held between them at Die, smiling a little. "Ooohohoho, don't even. You and I both know exactly how this would be going down if I wasn't with Fea right now."

Die blinked a little, biting his lip. "Yeah... I do know exactly how it'd be going. I'll be damned if I didn't think it... but I'm so not ruining you and Fea."

Kyo pursed his lips and hung his head in a little nod, not letting go of Die's hand. "Thanks... I'm trying not to influence you too much and let you make your own decision, but, that's the one thing I could never do, or forgive. I guess it's circumstantial, because you technically weren't together at the time and he was high as a kite or whatever, but if someone I was with ever slept with someone else, with the exception of it being both of us together, maybe, I could never be with them again. I wouldn't feel safe."

Die nodded a little. "I feel like an asshole for wanting to do the same thing to him. But then I keep thinking he did it first and now I have a freebie. I don't know." He took another drag. "The only thing I do know is, honestly... if Fea weren't in the picture..." he trailed off, shaking his head, knowing that wasn't fair to Kyo to be saying such things. "Never mind. Just... ignore my drunken rambling, yeah?"

"Huh? What did you say?" Kyo gave Die a little look that said he knew exactly what he was talking about, then went back to his cigarette, his thumb gently stroking against Die's. He wanted to ask more questions about Kaoru, but he figured it was best, for tonight, to just get drunk and try to make Die happier at least for a little while.

Die gave him a little smile and then finished off his cigarette, tossing the butt out the window and then leaning back with a sigh. "Will Fea kill me if I end up drunkenly kissing you?"

Kyo blinked at Die with giant eyes. "...Probably."

Die winced. "Tie my ass down. Not even kidding."

Kyo gave him a pleading look. "Die... please. Don't. I mean it."

Die waved his hand before crossing his arms across his chest. "Don't worry. I won't. I'll keep my hands to myself, I swear. Sorry I brought it up." Turning his head, he stared out at the passing sights, things he'd never seen before, but mostly to hide the look on his face. He felt like an even bigger ass now, having brought such a thing up, and he vowed not to drink again while he was with Kyo. Then he'd keep his hands and mouth to himself.

Kyo seemed sort of forlorn, as well, sagging into the seat. "If I was still single... ya know, maybe it's supposed to be like this. So you and I don't have the temptation. Because, I like to think if things were different and you and I were free to hook up, you wouldn't be going back to Kaoru. So maybe it's better this way, the way it's meant to happen ." 

Die couldn't help the fact that tears welled up in his eyes, though he kept himself held in such a way he prayed he wasn't going to give it away. He just nodded a little, thinking to Kyo instead of talking. _I know..._ he would have said more, but he couldn't. He just kept wondering over and over how he was going to manage to do this. He was sure when he wasn't drunk, it'd be easier... or so he hoped.

Kyo sighed and pulled Die's hand into his lap, just holding it there until the cab pulled up to the curb in front of his apartment building. He then let go and go out, getting Die's bags out of the trunk and paying the driver. "Sorry my apartment's kind of... minimal. I pretend I don't live in LA as much as I actually do, so, it's more like a hotel room than a home."

There was some amount of comfort in Kyo holding his hand, the knowledge that at least he wasn't being shoved away. When they got to their destination, he quietly got out and pulled his backpack and the bigger bag. "It's fine. I've been living in a car, remember?" He gave a soft laugh. "I'm sure it's bigger than that."

Kyo managed a small smile, but the thought of Die having been homeless still made him queasy. He went into the lobby, the doorman greeting him as "Mr. Nishimura" and Kyo went over to the elevators, calling one, the doors opening immediately. He stepped in and hit the number for his floor, nearly at the top of the building, and leaned back against the wall. "So have you thought much about coming to Japan with me?"

"Yeah," Die murmured, "Kind of told Kaoru that's when I'll see him again." He winced a bit. "Sorry for the assumption, if it's not okay, then I'll just go back home a few days before he leaves."

Kyo shook his head. "It's fine. I don't mind. I can't decide, though, if I feel bad or kind of vindictive that he made a big deal about being the one to take you to Japan your first time." He shrugged. "Whatever."

Die shrugged a little. "I honestly figure it'll more be me doing whatever you tell me to and sitting around at the apartment other than that." He gave a sad little smile to him, stepping into the elevator when it arrived. "I'm not really the best company right now."

Kyo pursed his lips and reached to rub Die's arm. "Don't. It's fine, really." The elevator arrived at Kyo's floor and he rolled one of Die's bags after himself, going all the way down to the end of the hall to his rather large corner apartment, taking out his keys and unlocking it, stepping into the large, open front room with a balcony on both sides of the corner wall and glass sliding doors. The kitchen was at the back of the living room with the master bedroom down a small hallway beside it, and a bathroom between that and the guest room. He took Die's things into the guest room first, decorated rather plainly. "It's not much, but the bed is comfortable. Don't ask if you need or want something, just take it. Hair stuff, shampoo, cologne, food, whatever. Make yourself at home."

Die followed along behind him, nodding slightly when he was told to just take what he needed. Having had almost the same rule for Kyo, he figured it was to be taken literally. He'd probably keep tabs on what he took and try to pay him back somehow, but that was for him to know. Then he realized... Kyo probably already knew he'd try it and he blushed a bit, putting his bag in the corner and then his backpack on the bed.

Kyo gave a little sigh and his cheeks colored slightly as he gestured back out towards the living room. "Come on, I'll introduce you to Fea, he's probably out on the balcony." He looked both nervous and excited, going out and crossing the large, white living room and sliding open the glass doors out onto the dark balcony with the view over the city. 

Die stopped by the bathroom for a moment, quickly washing his hands and face before he came back out and headed after Kyo, not far behind, though he stayed in the living room waiting on them to come back in.

A smooth voice perked, "Hey, monster!" and there were then some quiet, muffled words exchanged before Kyo came back in, followed by a lean-muscled scarecrow of a man, looking all that much taller than he was next to his petite lover. 

He was a fair bit taller than Die, but not built dissimilarly; rather narrow and long, with a broad chest., Though it was difficult to tell with him wearing black jeans and a green t-shirt proclaiming in bubbly white letters "I THINK YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF," it seemed he was covered in colorful, detailed tattoos – in a blending of styles ranging from Mexican, Arabic, Indian, and Asian, with a few traditional American tattoo design elements – from the chin down, a small pink star inked at his left temple to boot. One bare, pale foot displayed a stylized "om.". His neck and features were almost bird-like, with a slender Roman nose, sharp cheekbones, and a mouth that could be Kyo's twin set in a long, pale face. Nearly paper white, porcelain smooth skin was contrasted by bright green eyes that were almond shaped and framed with thick, dark lashes. His hair was nearly waist-length and dark, with a few randomly spaced streaks of color - pink, orange, light blue - and cut diagonally into bangs that were currently pushed behind one ear whose lobe was stretched wide around a carved disc of rose quartz. He was weird and loud without even saying a word.

"Ah, Die, this is Fea; Fea, this is my friend Die." Kyo's voice was soft and a little nervous but there was pride there for both introductions. 

The tall man smiled, straight, white teeth showing in the easy, open gesture, and extended his hand. "Hi. Nice to meet you." His voice was smooth and warm with a rather proper-sounding English accent. "I've heard a lot about you. Good things, I swear." 

Kyo bit his lip, watching them expectantly.

Die almost couldn't stop his jaw from falling. The way they looked together was as amazing as it was comical. They were adorable and sensual all at the same time. He gave a small smile in return, taking Fea's hand and shaking it. By the time he'd let go, he was flushed, something about him easy to draw in, just like Kyo.

"I've heard some lovely things about you, too," he murmured in reply. He was happy for Kyo, he really was, but somewhere deep down, there was also a spark of jealousy. This man was far better than he could ever be. Even just this brief meeting was enough to tell him that. He hung his thumbs over the edges of his pants pockets and tried hard not to look nervous. "I apologize in advance if I'm out of sorts. Trying not to be though." Another little smile showed and Die wished he could get himself out of this slump faster.

Fea shook his head, waving his hands in front of him. "Don't worry about it. I've heard the short version of your situation; you actually look quite put together for current circumstance." He put a hand on Kyo's shoulder and the blonde looked up at him, leaning into his touch minutely. "The pizza actually just got here right before you guys. I set it on the counter."

Kyo nodded and reached out to grab Die's elbow, pulling him against his side and tugging him into the kitchen. "Come on, skinny. We got cheesy breadsticks, a veggie one, and one with... what, pepperoni, sausage, olives..."

"Mushroom and onion," Fea tacked on, following in behind them and grabbing down plates. "I'm gonna go get my drink." He set the plates by the pizza boxes and went back out to the balcony to get the bourbon and coke he'd been sipping.

Kyo opened the first box with the veggie pizza and looked at Die, brows raised. "So?"

Die padded after Kyo, feeling more at ease. At least he didn't look as fucking lost as he felt. That or Fea was being nice. Either way, he'd buy it for now.

Immediately, he reached for a plate and then reached in to grab a slice of veggie pizza, moving to the other box and getting one piece of the meat one and then two breadsticks and one of the cups of marinara to dip them in. "It smells and looks delicious. Haven't had pizza in a while." His stomach rumbled and he blushed a bit.

Kyo gave him a look, pulling down a glass and filling it with ice before making Die a drink with Jack Daniels and Cherry Coke, handing it to him. "You look... so thin. I'm gonna have to fatten you up. Eat all you want, really. But, I mean..." He cut his eyes back to the porch, where Fea was finishing off a cigarette he'd left in the ashtray. "About him. What do you think?"

Die accepted the drink and then moved to an open space on the counter, putting his plate and glass down, ripping a breadstick in half and dipping it in the sauce. "I think he's gorgeous and he seems nice. He gives me the same feeling you do." He offered Kyo a smile before shoving the breadstick into his mouth and chewing hungrily.

Kyo grinned, leaning back against the counter and taking a bite from a piece of pizza backwards. "Really?" He paused for effect. "He's like me. Not as strong, but still pretty impressive. We... clicked. So hard. Die, we've been together every fucking day for the past two weeks."  
Die smiled at him, finishing off the half of the breadstick before starting in on the veggie pizza. "You two look adorable and sexy together. So far... I really like him."

Kyo blushed a little, cracking a can of root beer and taking a drink. "Adorable, huh? Yeah, the height difference is... well, we're still figuring it out." 

Die contemplated quietly what 'figuring it out' meant, a faint blush on his cheeks at the images those few words provided.

The sliding glass door hissed shut and Fea came back in, making himself a plate and leaning on the counter opposite Kyo, giving him a little wink.

There was a slight awkward silence while they ate quietly for a moment, a room full of shy people, until Fea finally perked up, hoping he wasn't making a mistake with his choice of conversation. "So, Die, I thought it was kind of crazy we're all connected." He smirked a little and took a sip of his drink. "Kyo showed me a picture of your boyfriend and I definitely remember him shooting us a few years ago." He looked back at Kyo then, a smile behind his eyes. "Good thing I don't believe in coincidences."

When Fea spoke up, Die nodded. "Yeah, he said he did." It was odd... hearing him referred to as his boyfriend right then. It was something he wasn't entirely sure of himself, but he wasn't going to push it. "Fate has an odd way..." he murmured, glancing at Kyo and then back down at his pizza, shoving the rest of the slice in his mouth before taking a long drink from the Jack and coke Kyo'd made him.

Kyo felt his heart lurch and he shot Fea a look, receiving one of apology in return. Changing gears, he smirked, looking at his lover a bit challengingly. "I'm in the mood for drinking games. What do you think?"

Kyo rolled his eyes. "Oh no. No, no, that's totally unfair, I get wasted with a shot."

Fea laughed. "I'll go easy on you! You can cheat a little. Just eat up so you don't get drunk as fast. Die?"

Die laughed softly, shaking his head at Kyo. "I'm already drunk, so you'll be okay." He smirked a bit and then shoved his breadstick into the sauce. "What kind of game? Kings?"

Fea laughed, sitting on the counter. "Holy shit, I haven't played that in years. Do you play cup or can? We'd get a beer can and slide the pulled cards under the tab and whoever's card pops the tab has to chug it." Kyo looked intimidated, eating the rest of the food on his plate and then getting seconds. "What set of rules do you play? Everybody's got something a little different with the face cards."

"I usually do cup, but we can do the can method if you want. Up to you." He shoved the breadstick in his mouth and chewed, moaning softly at the taste. Food was so good. "Jack, whoever gets it makes a new rule for the rest of the game. Queen, questions. King, Never Have I Ever. Ace, waterfall. And I usually take out the Jokers in the deck."

Kyo looked lost, but Fea nodded along. "Sounds about right. Since you and me have already been hittin' the sauce, do you want to just do slap for five and ‘heaven’ for seven? Oh! And do you play spin or categories or ten?"

Kyo set his plate down. "Whoa, whoa, what the fuck are you guys talking about?"

Fea laughed, crossing the narrow kitchen and pecking Kyo's lips, having to lean down quite a bit to do so. "Don't worry about it. You don't have any beer anyway, so I'll walk down to the store and get some, and Die can explain the rules to you."

"I think thumbs for five is hilarious. Everyone always fails. Heaven for seven is fine and I usually do categories, but spin seems more fun for now." Grinning at Kyo, Die shook his head. "I'll explain." He picked up his last slice and started nibbling on it.

Fea laughed and made a small fist pump. "Fuck yes!" He looked at Die and leaned to grab another bread stick. "There's nothing like getting completely pissed to forget about relationship troubles, seriously."

Kyo giggled a little behind his hand. "I've got to start writing all your Brit slang down." Fea just suck his tongue out at him and kept eating.

Die stared at him for a moment, his face turning a shade of red that Kyo probably hadn't even seen before, his thoughts clearly radiating, _How the hell does he know about that?!_ , before he realized he couldn't know and now he'd probably just told Kyo something he didn't know. Blushing even more, he ducked his head and tried to shove the pizza down to cover.

Kyo gave Die a funny look. _Sorry? I gave him the short version about the shit with Kaoru..._ He shook his head, confused, glad Fea was distracted by putting his plate in the sink and washing his hands. "Alright, I'm going down to the store for beer, anybody need anything?"

Kyo put his plate down and took a swig of root beer, looking up at him. "Kiss?" The green eyed man gave him a devious look and leaned down, lifting Kyo up onto the counter easily and giving him a deep, lingering kiss. Kyo purred, trying not to touch Fea with pizza grease on his hands, ending up putting his wrist against the other's shoulder while Fea's long fingers snarled in his hair for a moment before he pulled back and kissed the end of his nose.

"Die, do you want something while I'm out?" He turned and smiled at Die, leaving Kyo looking like a cat after a good scratch, slouched and heavy-lidded.

 _Crap... uh... not what I meant._ He kept his head ducked until Kyo asked for a kiss and then he sneaked a peek at them, smiling a little. That was pretty damn hot. "Um... Salem Lights if you don't mind?" He figured he had booze he could offer up in his bag, so that would be a fair trade.

"Got it." He smiled again, slipping on a worn pair of white Keds at the door before giving a little finger wave to Kyo and slipping out. The blonde finally snapped out of it, picking up his plate again.

"Holy shit, he is something else..." He smiled a little and picked up his pizza, looking at Die. "I really hope this isn't hard for you... if it is, I'll lay off on the PDA. I'm trying to help make you feel better, not rub shit in your face."

Die blushed and then shook his head, finishing off his piece of pizza before grabbing his drink. "It's fine. I'm not here to interrupt you guys and it's not really bothering me." Mostly... except the jealousy.

Kyo cocked a brow at him, suspicious. "Then why are you jealous?" He usually didn't make it so obvious when he got inside people's thoughts, but he was really curious what exactly was making Die envious.

Die paled a little, drinking down a good amount of his drink before shrugging a little. "Because it's not me loving on you." He shook his head a little. It was dumb and he knew it.

Kyo made a face and then stared at the floor. The whole situation turned his heart inside out, not to mention confused him. He sighed and picked off a piece of pepperoni, toying with his food a little before putting the plate in the sink. "You know if I wasn't already with him I'd be with you in a heartbeat. And that kills me and puts me in a really awkward position now."

Die stared at Kyo for a moment and then shook his head. "I don't mean to put you in that place. I hope you know that." Sighing softly, he took another drink of his beverage before clearing his throat. "I won't act on it. I would never dream of ripping you apart from him. Not ever."

Kyo nodded a little, putting all the leftovers into one box and setting that in the fridge, breaking down the empty pizza box and shoving it in the trash can. "It's just... tough. Thinking that if this shit had happened with Kaoru sooner, you and me would probably be together. But then..." He shook his head and turned around, going to wash his hands and looking at Die while he dried them. "I really think I love him, Die. I hope this isn't just some crazy flash in the pan, because it's so, so good, and I hate to think that a little piece of me regrets having him because I could have had you..."

"Kyo... stop it. We both need to stop it. You're happy with him and it's probably meant to be this way." Die shifted over to him and gently touched his cheek for a moment. He just wished he could have one kiss, but he knew that wasn't on the menu. Smiling a bit, he shifted away, heading toward the living room with his drink. "Where should we sit?" 

Sighing, Kyo wiped down the counter quickly and then went into the living room. "Um, I'll clear off the coffee table. Dim some lights, putting on some music, set a nice relaxed _ambience_ ," he teased, trying to imitate Fea's Oxfordshire accent and failing miserably. He took the magazines off his ebony coffee table and put them on the kitchen counter, finding a deck of cards and then turning on satellite radio at a low volume, which played on a surround system and filled the whole room up easily with very little volume. He then dimmed the lights in the living room and left one floor lamp on in the corner, getting his root beer and sitting at the couch. "I guess we'll sit on the floor for the game, probably easier, really."

Die settled on the couch and sipped at his drink, chuckling at Kyo's attempt on an accent. Smirking, he licked at his lips and then shifted closer to Kyo. "Can I at least cuddle with you or will it make you uncomfortable?"

The blonde eyed him warily, then leaned back into the corner of the couch and held his arms out to Die. "We just have to listen for him to come back. It would look weird; we both know it isn't totally innocent."

Die nodded, slipping across the couch and putting his drink down before he wrapped his arms around Kyo, tucking his head against his neck. "I'll just sit up. Anything more would seem suspicious."

Kyo put his chin on top of Die's head, playing with his hair. "I always miss you so much... it's good to have you back."

"I miss you, too. I wish I hadn't thought I could hide it all from you and not talked to you before... it was terrible." He shifted a little and rubbed his cheek against his shoulder.

Kyo squeezed him tight. "I'm so, so sorry all this has happened. It feels weird. I told you before that, when I see things that will happen, it's based on the decisions of people at the time? Well, before... it was so easy to see you and Kaoru together, forever. And now... it's like someone turned off the light switch. I don't know what's there anymore, and what scares me more is--" He shut up, realizing he was probably going on about something Die didn't really want to hear just then. "It's just all really sudden and I hate that you're hurting."

Die stilled, listening to him, his arms tight around Kyo's body. Turning his head a little, he murmured, "What is it that scares you most?" He really did want to know. Something about Kyo knowing things... or in this case what he didn't know... actually helped Die in a lot of ways and he was thankful for it.

Kyo frowned, petting Die's hair again. "I can't see what will happen to Kaoru. Not even a hint."

"Because he won't go for the test. If he went... then it'd be a decision for him to do one thing or another... and then there'd be a path. Right now, there is no path." Die gave a little shrug. "I love him... with all my heart... but right now I feel so betrayed that I'm nothing more than bitter."

"Biopsy is a big decision. He already got lucky once. I guess I can understand why he's pushing off pursuing a diagnosis." Kyo sighed and shifted around a bit to get more comfortable, laying his cheek in Die's hair and hugging him. "I want to hate him for what he's done to you, but Die... what if he doesn't make it? I mean, it's not a far-fetched possibility."

Die sighed softly, nodding. "I know... I feel like an asshole even being away for now. But I need time after that. I thought things would be a little uncomfortable, but okay and then he told me he fucked some other guy... I just lost it." Biting at his lower lip a little, he reached up to rub his face. "I wish I could just forgive him, but I don't know how. I was out there suffering and he was fucking some guy." Now he just sounded really frustrated.

Kyo shushed him, holding him closer. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll stop bringing it up until you're ready to talk about it." He kissed the top of Die's head fraternally and then changed the subject. "Fea has a daughter." He smirked a little, waiting for any reaction Die might have.

Die blinked at this information, tilting his head. "Yeah? How old?"

Kyo hummed a little. "She's eight. Her name is Clairen. Cute as a button, we took her to the natural history museum the other day. She stays in London with her mom most of the time, but Fea is so good with her." He sighed and rested his head on the back of the couch, twisting strands of Die's hair. "She's deaf. Well, partially. Mostly? I dunno. She's completely deaf in her left ear and might as well be in her right without her hearing aid. It's really amazing to listen her talk about feeling voices and noises more than she actually hears them. Fea said it completely changed his idea of music, talking to her."

Die smiled, listening while he just laid there against Kyo, comfortable in this position, feeling it relax him quite easily. He was kind of surprised that the mention of a child didn't set off his jealousy even more, but for whatever reason, it didn't. "He seems like the type that would be good with kids... and I think it'd be something different to think about music from that angle as well."

"Oh, he lives for her... it kills him that he doesn't get to see her often. His music changed when she got old enough to really talk to him about it, how she felt it more than heard it, and the bass elements changed. He focused more on the transience than the actual sonic value, and that's when his band got a record deal." He smirked a little. "She likes to put her head against your chest when you're talking, so she can hear you better. I've never been a kid person, really, but cuddling with her and answering all her little questions about Japan was really... peaceful for me."

Die envisioned it and couldn't help the smile on his lips. "She sounds wonderful." His fingertips trailed idly over Kyo's chest, feeling the body he knew well enough underneath, rubbing down his side and then pushing back up, not really thinking about what he was doing. "Even if I don't end up with Kaoru, I hope I get to have a kid one day."

Kyo smiled, not thinking too much of the rubbing, playing with Die's ear. "You'll make an amazing parent. I say that because... you'd have both qualities with a child, especially if it was your own. You'd be its biological mother, but the father. I hope you can have that one day."

"Me, too," he murmured quietly, vaguely wondering if Kaoru's family knew about their current split. Probably. Things had a way of getting around. His fingers slid up Kyo's back, resting there against the warm skin, his nose pressing against his neck, eyelids fluttering closed. It felt so nice to be held, to be cared about, and he could feel the tension completely draining from his body, like Kyo was siphoning it out of him.

The blonde fell silent, petting Die's back and hair, trying to help pull away his pain without taking it on too much for himself. Somewhere tagged onto Die was a line of Kaoru, like a hotline to the other man who, despite all his misgivings, Kyo knew loved Die desperately, and he felt bad for him in spite of himself. A wave of sorrow rolled over him and he dug down deep to let it pass and not carry any of him with it.

Die's hold tightened on Kyo, his brow furrowing slightly. Something almost like the hotness and then chill before throwing up came through his body, but he knew he wasn't sick. A shudder ripped through him and he clutched on tighter, his heart beating fast. _It's you... isn't it?_ he asked silently, knowing saying it out loud would make it seem weirder than it already was.

Kyo took a shuddering breath, a few tears leaking from the corner of his eyes. _Yeah._

Die moved then, sitting up a little and reaching to wipe away the stray tears. "Don't... I don't want you to have my pain." He was thankful for the help, but he didn't want to drag Kyo further into it than he already was.

Kyo sniffed, shaking his head. "It's not just you. Kaoru, too. When you're with someone like that for a long time, it creates a bond. Like his... aura, is still attached to you." He didn't go into detail, rubbing at his eyes. "I need a cigarette..."

Die frowned softly, hugging Kyo tightly again and then pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before he stood up and offered his hand. "Let's go smoke then."

Kyo reached with his tattooed hand and tugged himself up, heading out to the porch and pulling two of Fea's Marlboro Menthol Lights from the pack and lighting them, handing one to Die. "Ugh. I promise I'm going to try and have fun tonight. I really want you to just relax and get to clear your head, it's just... hard to let it drop when all this stuff is just radiating off you."

Die accepted the lit cigarette, savoring the taste of Kyo on the stick before taking a drag, nodding a little. "I know... I'm sorry. But... whatever you were doing in there, it really helped. I don't feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore. I feel like it's bearable. I mean, all the issues are still there, but I can think clearer."

Kyo made a little face, nodding. "I try..." He puffed away quietly, looking at Los Angeles, like a nervous system without a brain. "Were you scared, when you first knew you were in love with Kaoru?"

"Maybe a little... I mean, it was weird, feeling that for the first time." He shrugged a little.

Kyo leaned forward with his arms on the railing. "I don't know if I've ever been this scared. We've been together every day for the past two weeks. I'm about to go to Japan for a month. What if I go and the magic just dissipates? What if it doesn't and being away from him is torture? I don't know what to think, what to expect..."

"It'll be a test..." Die leaned next to him, reaching and linking their hands, squeezing lightly. "If you're meant to be, then it'll hurt, but you'll get through it and when you get back together, it'll be the same, the love will still be there."

Kyo let Die take his hand, getting comfort from it. "I know... but I live halfway around the world most of the year. And we both tour, and he's usually in England or New York... it feels like it just won't fit, but I want it to so badly." He looked at Die his eyes seemed almost desperate. "I've spent my life looking into other people's hearts, and for the first time, I feel like someone looked back, without me having to show them."

Die reached out, gently running his knuckles over Kyo's cheek before he put the cigarette to his lips, drawing in. When he let it out, he sighed softly. "I think you'll be fine if you guys let yourselves be. You'll just have to both make time for one another, learn to thrive off of what you can do with the distance."

Kyo chuckled a little. "What, you mean like love letters and phone sex?"

"And webcam sex and long conversations. All kinds of things like that."

Kyo bit his lip. "Nnn, I didn't think about the webcam sex. Okay. Maybe this can work." He squeezed Die's hand and then dropped it, grinding out his cigarette and getting up as he heard Fea come in. 

The tall man set own an eighteen pack of Bud Light on the table and clapped his hands before rubbing them together. "Alright, I'm ready to get fucked up." Kyo snickered and grabbed him by the front of his t-shirt, tugging him down into a kiss and then calling to Die, "You ready?"

Die remained out on the balcony, smoking through the rest of his cigarette, feeling a little underhanded for having been snuggling on Kyo while Fea was gone. Somehow, he felt like he should have been doing it right in front of him, where he'd know. But at least he knew his intentions weren't those of sex, but instead, the want for comfort. Putting out the butt, he came back in. "Where should I put this?" he asked, nodding at the question of if he was ready.

Kyo pointed vaguely. "There's an ashtray on the other side of the balcony." Fea was bent over and hugging Kyo around the waist from behind, kissing playfully at his neck. He giggled and batted him off, opening the case of beer and setting out four; one for each of them and then one to spread the cards out around.

Die wandered back out to go put the butt in the ashtray, coming back in and plopping on the floor on one side of the table, peering up at them, amusement in his eyes. He was willing to bet they looked incredible when they were fucking, just from this little display.

Fea nibbled at Kyo's lip before settling down on the floor opposite from Die, Kyo taking the end of the table. He took the cards out of the box and shuffled them several times before spreading them out in a circle around the beer can at the middle. "Okay, so, we never actually got around to discussing rules, so I guess just teach me as we go?"

Fea nodded, scooting a little closer to Kyo. "Alright, but you're going to be totally fucked with fives and sevens." His voice lowered and he leaned in, getting right in Kyo's face with a coy little smile. "You're harder to get off when you're drunk, anyway, makes it more of a challenge." 

Kyo turned bright red and reached to turn over a card, quickly shifting focus. Fea explained, "Three means ‘me.’ You drink." Kyo popped his beer and took several good swigs before pointing at Die. "You're turn."

Die watched them, an amused smirk on his face. "One drink at a time, Kyo or you're gonna get fucked up too fast to even finish one game." He grabbed his card, turning it over. It was a King. "Never have I ever..." he tapped his lip, "fucked a pussy." With that, he shoved the card under the beer tab and sat back, looking to see if either of them drank, wondering if Kyo would.

Fea laughed and opened his beer, drinking with Kyo, who grumbled and then pointed at Die. "I think that's a technical foul on your part!"

Die smirked at him and held up his beer, taking a drink from it just to put him at ease, thinking hard at him. _My own doesn't count, baby._

Fea gave a little look between them and then shrugged, pulling a card. "Eight... I'm picking Die to be my ‘mate’ on this one, I think he can handle his drinking more." Kyo put the back of his hand to his forehead in a dramatic fainting gesture, then snickered and reached for a card as Fea slid his under the tab. He held up the card in question of what it meant. "Jack? You get to make a rule until someone else gets a Jack."

Kyo nodded and thought about it. "Hmm..." He pointed at Fea. "Every time you have to drink, you have to kiss me first. If you forget, you have to drink again."

Die took another swig when Fea chose him and then grabbed his own card, a six. "Dicks! Drink if you’ve got one," he announced and then took a swig from his beer. It was definitely a game to get trashed on fast.

Fea leaned over and pecked Kyo on the lips before they both drank. "So are we doing floor for four since we're not playing with any girls?"

Die blushed darkly, ducking his head a little. "Um... yeah, I guess."

Fea quirked a brow at Die, but dismissed it, pulling a two and smirking at Kyo, pointing to him. Kyo rolled his eyes and took a little sip, pulling his own card while Fea slid that one under the tab and held it up with a questioning look; a queen. "It's questions," Fea explained. “You ask Die a question and then he has to ask me a question and we go around until somebody muddles and says a statement or does a repeat."

Kyo nodded and looked at Die, immediately going blank and realizing it was far harder than it sounded. "What's your beef, kid?" he blurted out.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Die directed at Fea, giving him a mock glower.

Fea gasped dramatically and looked at Kyo, pointing at Die. "Did you see that? He just glared at me!--Aw fuck, that was a statement." He took a drink and then cursed again, leaning over to kiss a very smug looking Kyo before taking yet another drink.

Die cackled gleefully as he snatched up a card himself, an Ace. "Waterfall. I start drinking, then Fea, then you. When I stop drinking, Fea has to stop, and then you have to stop. But if you stop early or too late, you have to take another drink." He reached for a new beer, opening it and then used it instead, raising it with a wicked look before he started to chug it.

Fea watched him reach for the new beer and hissed a little, "Oh fuck," under his breath, Kyo actually groaning and lifting his can to his lips, intent on taking tiny sips. "Alright, ready."

Die continued on through the entire can before he rather delicately took it away from his lips, hoping someone wouldn't notice.

Fea was watching Die carefully, slamming the can, nearly empty, down on the table as soon as Die stopped, gasping for breath. "Fuck me sideways! Do you have _gills_?!" 

Kyo was coughing and sputtering, wiping beer off his chin.

Die reached over, patting Kyo on the back, laughing at Fea's comment. "Maybe." He wiped the side of his mouth. "Just don't give me a beer bong."

Fea's slim brow went up again. "Bong?"

Kyo coughed out, "I think he means funnel," and drank just enough to stop hacking, finally taking a breath and glaring at Fea for not helping at all and looking rather amused.

"Aaaah. Hey, don't give me that look. I'm trying to make you a proper rock star." He pulled his card and held up a jack, looking evil. He pointed at Kyo. "I'm keeping your old rule. But now, since you're the most dressed, every time you have to drink, you have to remove an article of clothing." 

Kyo balked before Fea salved over, "Belts and single socks count."

Kyo pouted, but gave a nod, reaching for a card and tossing it down before slamming his hand onto the floor. Fea jerked in reaction and hit the carpet, too, then realized it didn't matter because Die was his mate and they had to drink together for the rest of the game, anyway. He made a face and picked up his beer, gesturing at Die. "Alright, alright... the flaws of only playing with three people."

Die laughed, taking a sip of his old beer and then just for the hell of it, finishing it off and grabbing a new one, opening it and settling it down before he plucked out a card. It was a nine. "Nines are for rhymes. I say a word, everyone after me has to say a word that rhymes with it until someone dicks up." He paused for affect. "Duck."

Fea looked excited, shouting "Fuck!"

Kyo seemed rather annoyed, muttering quickly, "My English sucks! Oooh, ooh, suck!"

Die laughed, managing to get out, "Pluck!"

Fea faltered for a moment and then blurted out, "Truck!"

Kyo quickly followed with "Stuck!" and giving a look like 'Haha, got you, motherfuckers!' which made Fea start to giggle.

"Buck!" Die announced rather proudly.

"Luck!" Fea slapped a hand over his mouth, having shouted rather loudly and Kyo just turned red in the face, lost for another word.

"Oh goddammit..." Kyo took a drink and then pulled off his hoodie vest, tossing it up into the leather recliner behind him, leaving him with his t-shirt, jeans, belt, socks, and underwear. Fea looked pleased, reaching for a card. He tossed the seven down and immediately shot his arm up towards the ceiling, looking at Die in a silent urging to hurry up before Kyo caught on.

Immediately Die reached for the ceiling as well, snickering to himself while he stared at Kyo.

Kyo just grumbled, pulling off a sock and tossing it over by the chair. He gave Fea a look. "If this goes in squirrely directions, it's your own fault." His lover rolled his eyes and watched to make sure Kyo actually took a drink. The next card the blonde pulled was a two and he just shrugged. "Two means you, right? You're linked, so, both of you."

Die drank again, not really minding, stretching back a bit. He pulled a ten once he straightened up and reached for his empty can, putting it down on the table. "Whoever the top ends up toward drinks." He spun it on the edge of the table, watching it go round and round.

Fea took a sip as well, hugging one knee and watching the can slow, pointing in between he and Kyo. He blew on it and it nudged over to point towards his lover, who made an annoyed expression, but drank, taking off his other sock. He laughed and reached to pull a card, then blinked, perking his ear towards the nearest speaker, still playing the satellite radio at a low volume. Kyo noticed too and they both looked at each other, laughing. "No shit," Fea noted, blushing a little, seeming rather proud. "I guess our promotion guys are actually worth a damn." He pointed up to indicate the current song, heavy and fast with intricate guitar work. "Mine." A pleased look on his face, he pulled a card and held up a king. "Never have I ever..." He tapped his chin and thought. "Intentionally grown facial hair."

Kyo bit out a loud, "Fuck!" and drank the last of his beer, grabbing a new one and grumbling more as he got his belt off and tossed it onto the chair.

Die listened, smiling. "I like it." He drank to that as well, knowing he actually had. He was thankful he'd shaved it off in the shower the night before though. He didn't bother pointing out that socks and belt shouldn't have counted, simply letting Kyo have that much of a freebie since he was obviously going to end up plastered.

Kyo look excited to get to pull a card finally and then was cursing all over again, putting a three under the tab and drinking before taking off his t-shirt. Fea chuckled and didn't make any efforts at discretion while eying the other's exposed torso with its perfect muscle tone. 

Kyo stuck his tongue out. "I'm so getting you back for this. Dammit! And you haven't been kissing me before you drink."

Fea sighed and nodded, realizing he'd goofed on that a few times now, leaning over and giving Kyo a lingering kiss, his tongue sliding into his mouth for a moment before pulling back and finishing off his beer, cracking a new one, now his third. "Happy?" The blonde nodded.

Die plucked out a card - a Jack - and tapped his lips with his fingers, trying to think of a rule. "Mmm..." he thought of a million rules that he knew he couldn't enforce, like making someone touch someone else in a naughty way each time they had to drink. But he figured that'd get him in trouble real fast with both Kyo and Fea. He sipped on his beer a little and thought about it. His expression contorted as he thought through rules, discarding them and then finally sighing. "Someone help me make a rule, I'm not doing any good over here."

Fea jerked a thumb at Kyo. "I kinda like where mine's going."

Kyo threw a small over-stuffed pillow at Fea, the soft square bouncing off the other's head, making him burst into giggles. "Make _him_ strip!" Kyo retorted, somewhere between drunk and amused and genuinely annoyed that he was getting fucked in the game so far.

Die shrugged. "Same rule for Kyo applies to us all." With that, he shoved the card under the tab and settled back in his place.

Kyo threw an empty beer can at Die, which bounced harmlessly off his shoulder. "By that I implied me _not_ having to strip."

Fea snickered behind his hand and pulled a card, holding up a six. He carefully slid it under the tab, listening for it to pop, but it didn't. He tugged off his shirt, revealing he had a bit more un-tattooed skin than his arms and neck impressed; the tattoo on his neck, a Luna moth, swept down into a script piece reading "All That Bends May Break", vines curling onto the bottom of the script and dipping into a V down his chest in greenery and violet and white flowers, a blue-tailed lizard hiding in the leaves over his left nipple. His back was only tattooed across his shoulder-blades in a Mayan-styled Thunderbird. 

Kyo rather unhappily took off his jeans, wiggling out of them and putting them on the chair with the rest of his clothes, sitting cross-legged in a tight pair of green boxer-briefs.

Die made a face at him and stuck his tongue out. "Tough shit." He shifted a little and then yanked off his shirt as well, tossing it aside. Kaoru had told him his scars weren't that obvious, so he hoped that was the truth, though he was sure his lack of health probably made them stand out a little more since he was pale as hell and the scars were still a slight pink. Picking up his beer, he took a swig from it and then allowed himself to look both Kyo and Fea over with a slight smirk.

Kyo tried to ignore how skinny Die was and Fea looked unfazed. The blonde pulled a card with an almost fearful look on his face, sighing when it was a five, looking at both of them. "What's it mean? Please don't tell me I have to drink."

Die thought about fucking him over, but decided against it. _Put your thumb on the table. Whoever puts it down last, loses._ He watched carefully for a moment, waiting on Kyo to do it before he slammed his onto the table, mirth in his eyes.

Kyo put his thumb down on the table and looked between the two of them, kind of confused. Fea just gave up, pointing at Die. "You've got to drink with me, anyway." He took a big gulp and then took his wallet and phone out of his pocket, putting them on the table and then undoing his tight black jeans, holding his feet out towards Kyo. "Pull." The shorter man tittered slightly and grabbed the bottom hem of his lover's jeans, tugging them off of him, nearly taking down the pair of briefs, the white trim spotted with hot pink stars.

Die laughed, nodding and taking a drink as well before he stood up, undoing his pants and letting them slid off his hips. Kicking them aside, he wobbled for a moment and then announced, "We need water." He went to the kitchen and found three plastic cups, filling them with water from the tap before coming back and handing them out, plopping down with his own and then grabbing his beer, taking a swig from it.

He swiped up a card, eyeballing it. It was a two, which meant pick someone to drink. Evilly, he eyed Kyo. "You drink." He slid the card under the tab and waited.

Kyo took the water with a nod and drank it, grunting. "I must be drunk. LA water doesn't taste bad right now. ...My face is numb." Fea went into another short giggle fit, nearly spilling his water in his lap. At the card, both of them stopped, staring at each other. Fea lifted on shoulder and Kyo pursed his lips. "...Where is this going?"

His lover sighed and got up on his hands and knees, crawling over to kiss him. They murmured quietly to each other, the words indistinct, and then another kiss before Fea settled back down and Kyo sighed, carefully sliding off his underwear and tucking his knees up to his chest, hiding himself from view, reaching to idly stroke at the peacock tattooed on Fea's calf while he took a drink from his beer.

Green eyes flicked up at Die, intense for a moment before going back to drunk again, carefully sliding out a card so as not to break the circle. He tossed down a four and slapped the carpet with Kyo just a second behind, looking at Die with a smirk.

Die snorted a bit and drank some of the water as well. For a moment, he actually felt bad about choosing Kyo. But they were all down to their underwear. It wasn't like they could just write off the rules. That's not how you played a drinking game. And he'd feel weird telling Fea to be the one since he'd never seen his dick.

When Kyo took off his underwear, Die made sure to stare only at the table, not even glancing at Kyo at all. He wouldn't look. That much he vowed to himself. Granted, he wanted to, but he wasn't going to get punched in the face by Fea for drooling on his boyfriend, either.

He glanced up at Fea when he drew another card, watching for a moment before he paled significantly. Great... now he had to take off his last piece of clothing and then Fea would see that he wasn't exactly all man. Humiliation swept through him and he snatched the beer up, chugging the entire rest of it before he just ducked his head, tugging at his boxer briefs, trying hard to get the material down, along with the packer, and not show his nether regions at the same time.

He managed finally, pushing his clothing aside and grabbing a new beer, opening it and just starting to drink from it, not stopping until he was halfway through it. He'd probably puke in the morning, but he didn't care right then. He kept his legs tight together and his head bowed.

Fea just watched him, amused somehow. "You know I know, right?" He rolled his eyes a little and eyed the packer, almost asking if he could play with it and thinking better of it, realizing he and Die were still linked and that he had to strip now, too. Sighing, he rolled onto his back and pulled down his briefs, tossing them off in a corner and rolling back up to sit, legs crossed, not even trying to hide himself. What was the point, really?

Kyo didn't seem to really care either way anymore, flush-faced and a little glassy eyed. He pulled a card and threw down a ten. "I think we should take ten minutes. Pee, smoke a cig. Whatever. Naked smoke break on my balcony, right now. Ready? Go! ...right after I piss." He got up and staggered off into the bathroom, not even closing the door all the way. 

Fea watched to make sure he didn't fall flat on his face and then got up, heading towards the balcony for a cigarette, completely unashamed walking bare-assed around the apartment and out onto the porch.

Die just kind of gaped at him, not really having known that Fea would have such information. He supposed Kyo had been rather thorough in his descriptions then. Swallowing a bit, he relaxed, listening to Kyo. Just the mention of having to pee made him need to as well. He got up as well, heading after Kyo, but then stopping at the end of the hall, not wanting to get himself in trouble... or get himself found out. He stood there, feeling a bit awkward, his arms crossed awkwardly over his chest while he waited on Kyo to appear again so he could go in and pee.

Kyo shook off and flushed, washing his hands half-heartedly and looking at Die as he left the bathroom. He shook his finger at him, sighing. "I dunno where this is going... but whatever happens, we chalk it up it up to being really... really drunk, okay?" He leaned and gave Die a one armed hug around the waist, pressing his cheek against Die's shoulder, then stumbled off to go plop his naked self into Fea's lap and light a cigarette.

Die gave him a wide-eyed look and just nodded dumbly, not really having planned on it going anywhere else. He figured if anything happened, it'd be Fea and Kyo and he'd just take his sorry ass to another room and try to pass out. Swaying slightly, he moved to the bathroom, relieving himself, wiping up, flushing, and then washing his hands and face. He dried off and then came back out, snagging the new pack of Salem Lights off the counter and then padding out onto the balcony. He used the lighter from next to the ashtray and moved to lean against the railing, making sure to keep his eyeballs to himself.

Kyo was nuzzled up against Fea's chest like a cat, both of them acting just as comfortable and relaxed with each other as if they were clothed. Kyo reached out towards Die and made a grabby hands gesture. "I feel like you're gonna pitch backwards over the railing, come sit down."

Die glanced over for a second before turning slightly red. "Um..." his eyes darted around, finding another chair. He moved over to it and carefully sat down, crossing one leg over the other and making sure his eyes stayed focused on the ground in front of him while he smoked. One hand came up to rake through his hair, scratching slightly before he let his hand fall back into his lap. He took another drag off his cigarette. "Thanks for picking up my smokes," he let out quietly.

Fea nuzzled his nose against Kyo's hair, one arm around his waist. "Hmm? Oh, no problem." He looked over at Die for a moment, reading his body language. "You're really shy, aren't you?"

Inadvertently, Die looked up and immediately looked back down with a shrug. "Not usually... I just..." he sighed, finally sitting back, his gaze out over the city, "For one, I didn't know you knew I wasn't done with my surgeries. Now I know you know and that's fine, but I don't want to get a fist in the mouth for looking in the wrong places with you two, so I have to be really careful." Another little shrug. "Plus I know right now especially I'm ugly as hell." One hand ghosted over his ribs and he winced. "Apparently you can look like street trash after only two weeks of living off water. Who knew?"

Fea pulled a little face, muttering, "I like to think of myself as a pacifist," around the filter of his cigarette.

Kyo reached out as Die rubbed at his ribs, almost wailing for a moment. "Die! Die, don't say that!" He was obviously very drunk by then, swaying in Fea's lap, only kept there by the other's strong arm around his middle. "You're not ugly! You're never ugly, don't say that!"

It was only with Kyo practically wailing at him that Die finally looked up at him. He gave him a sad look, but shifted forward enough to snag one of his hands, squeezing it gently. "Hey... calm down." Again, he squeezed those fingers. "I'll stop, I promise." He frowned slightly. Really, he hadn't meant to make Kyo upset.

He made a little sound and squeezed Die’s fingers back, Fea's hand coming up and pushing into Kyo's hair, pulling his head close for a kiss to his hair, shifting his very drunk focus into a purr, sinking back into his lover's embrace. He waved a finger one more time at Die, eyes closed as he rested against Fea. "Not ugly." He shut up and they both finished their cigarettes, fingers caressing absently here and there, Kyo winding a strand of the other's long hair around his finger and then letting it drop, watching it unfurl.

When they were done, Fea took both butts and put them in an empty soda can under his chair, looking at Die. "I think we should do water and pizza before we even thinking about drinking again." 

Kyo nodded in agreement, getting up on wobbly legs and weaving back into the apartment.

Die let go of his hand when Kyo sank back into Fea's arms, just watching for a moment before he went back to smoking. His butt was crushed out and he got up to toss it in the ashtray at the other end of the balcony. "Yeah... we should." He followed them in, shutting the balcony door and padded into the kitchen, digging out the pizza and snagging two pieces of the meat pizza, starting to chow down on one without even heating it.

"Aw, fuck yes, cold pizza." Fea grabbed a bread stick and a piece of the veggie, laying them on a paper towel on the counter and chugging his water from before.   
Die snickered. "Cold pizza is the dinner of champions. Didn't you know that?" Part of him was kind of in shock that he could eat this and not feel ill already, but he supposed his body was starving for the food, so it was just letting it happen.

Kyo had settled himself on the floor, eating a piece and drinking a big glass of water. "I'm really fucked up already," he announced, looking it rather obviously. "...Why are we all naked again?" His little laugh after it confirmed he was only kidding and he stared at Fea's long legs from his position on the floor, his eyes slowly traveling up on the tall body. "You, sir, are a giant."

Fea simply looked down at his cock and grinned cheekily, nodding. "I know."

 

Die toed Kyo's side at the question, laughing and shaking his head. Though when Kyo started staring at Fea, making comments, Die couldn't help but take a glance himself, his eyes bugging out before he went back to his pizza. "Jesus," he commented softly.

Fea actually blushed at that, kind of cocking his knee subconsciously to cover up some. 

Kyo looked up, grinning like a fool. "I meant 'cause he's tall. And I'm little. Giant." He pointed and shoved a piece of pizza into his mouth, muttering around it, "But his dick's pretty awesome."

Die blushed hotly. "I cannot help that I am a total pervert at heart. But I will say sorry for looking," he muttered, ducking his head, letting his hair fall around his face. He seriously needed to drink more and pray that at some point his mind would just kind of black out any ability at all to be a perverted bastard. Right... false hopes would get him nowhere.

He finished off the first piece of pizza and then went to get his water, coming back with it and downing half of it before he allowed himself to think of eating the other piece.

Fea shook his head, pulling his hair over his shoulder and braiding it quickly to keep it from going everywhere. "I'm naked. It's not like I'm really being shy about it." He continued eating, washing his hands and helping Kyo up when they were both done, making his lover drink water.

Kyo sagged against him, feeling at the back of his thighs. He thought he was being quiet when he looked up at the other and asked, "Are we gonna have sex tonight? I think I'm getting horny. I can't tell. I'm really drunk." 

Fea tried very hard not to laugh, stroking Kyo's cheek with his thumb. Briefly, his eyes flicked over to Die and then he looked back at Kyo. "You have a guest, darling."

Kyo groaned and flung himself against Fea, hugging him. "But he's a perv anyway! He just admitted it! He wouldn't mind hearing us." He grinned evilly. "Or watching." A tiny hiccup left him and Fea did not hold back the laugh this time. "I'll shut up..."

Die figured his apology was accepted, keeping his eyes on the counter for the time being. Why he was suddenly in a funk rather than happy, he didn't know. Probably because he was trying so hard to behave when all he wanted was to not behave at all. Finishing off the pizza, he went back to the living room with a new glass of water, sitting down and completely missing the conversation between Fea and Kyo.

The conversation persisted a bit longer before they both emerged from the kitchen, Kyo looking flushed and his cock a bit hard. He cleared his throat and sat down beside Die, Fea lagging back by the kitchen. "Um, so... I know I flew you out here and am probably being an asshole for even asking this, but... um... would it be rude if Fea and I fucked tonight? Like... now-ish? And would it be more or less rude to offer that you watch if you want, possible further perks pending?"

Die looked up when Kyo started talking, his cheeks flushing. "I'm not going to stop you from having sex with your boyfriend, Kyo." He was going to tack on that he wasn't an asshole, but then Kyo pretty much offered he could watch. Die's eyes grew wide. "Uh... I don't see how it's rude to offer such a thing. But..." he lowered his voice significantly, "wouldn't me watching bother Fea?"

Kyo shrugged, answering simply, "He's a free spirit." He leaned into Die a little, whispering, "We just talked about it. He figures if we fuck now with him in between, we're less likely to get all sexually frustrated with each other and fool around behind his back. I kind of agree. And you said you wanted to get back at Kaoru. I'm not trying to pressure you, just... offering to watch, and saying that there might be some randomly offered bonus perks along the way, depending on Fea's mood and how comfortable I feel with it."

Die squirmed a little and then nodded. "I will warn you though... I'm not sure if I can even get physically aroused yet. I mean I've only taken one set of pills." He glanced at the clock. "I could take the second set now though."

Kyo shrugged. "If you want to. It might not even come to that, it's just an offer. I don't want you to do it and then regret it if you and Kaoru get back together. ...You know he regrets what he did, right?"

Die gave a little shrug and then nodded. "I know. I'd have to be blind not to see that." He stood up and then stretched a little. "But it's been weeks since I've been aroused at all and I honestly miss it... a lot. Besides, it's uncomfortable to be like a desert down there." He mussed Kyo's hair a bit. "I'm going to take the second set of pills. You guys staying in here or going to the bedroom?"

Fea walked over to the couch, chewing on a thumbnail. "Staying in here." He passed Die and sank down on the couch next to Kyo, craning down and kissing the side of his neck. "Just come pick a chair when you're done." With that, he pulled Kyo against him, starting to attack his neck with kisses, pulling some of the most exquisite, high-pitched and near desperate sounds out of Kyo, who protested, "Cheater, cheater!" but wasn't fending Fea off very hard.

Die just nodded, wandering out of the room and going to find his bags, taking his pills out and going to the bathroom, using water from the faucet to take them. With that done, he went back to the bedroom, quietly laying out an outfit for the following morning and then getting out his silk PJ bottoms and pulling them on. He wasn't sure why, but he felt like he should be clothed right then.

Then he dug out the rest of his bathroom supplies, taking them into the bathroom and putting them on one side of the counter. Once more, he went back to the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped between his knees. Should he even go back out? Was Fea really okay with this or was he only doing it because he didn't want Die getting in the way of his relationship? Doubts plagued his mind and he finally just decided he'd go take a shower while they had sex.

Quietly, he got up and went to the bathroom, closing the door and taking off his pants, then turning on the shower and stepping in. There was no point in messing around in Kyo's relationship. He didn't want to ruin things between them just because he craved selfish vengeance and because he was attracted to Kyo and honestly did love him in a way. Quietly, he washed himself down completely and then turned off the water, stepping out and wrapping himself in a towel while he did all the rest of his nightly routine.

All in all, he took maybe twenty minutes, coming back out in his red silk PJ bottoms, very quietly heading toward the bedroom.

By the time Die was finished with his shower, Fea and Kyo were completely absorbed in each other, rolling around on the floor, moaning and panting and wearing each other ragged, hardly breaking from their kiss the whole time. Kyo had his skinny legs wound around Fea's narrow hips and his lover's cock sank into him easily, Fea having grabbed lube from the bedroom before they'd started in on it. There were tears down Kyo's cheeks from the sheer overwhelming intensity of it, the way it had been every time so far, both in pleasure and emotion. It was almost too easy to feel close to Fea, it frightened him, but with his head dizzy with alcohol and his lover's cock ramming into him in all the right ways, he forgot about being afraid and just enjoyed it, raising his voice and pulling at the long dark hair.

Die paused in the hallway, the sounds of their lovemaking reaching his ears. For a long moment, he just stood there, listening to them and biting hard on his lower lip. Emotion swam through him and he slipped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him, tears already welling in his eyes. He sank onto the bed, glad he had left his phone in here when they'd dropped stuff into the room and snatched it up, quickly texting Kaoru.  
 _I'm sorry, baby... I'm so sorry I left. I miss you. I miss you with all my heart. I forgive you._

Kaoru had convinced himself so well that he was asleep that he was sure the text woke him up. He grabbed his phone off the floor beside the futon in the guest room, figuring it was Sita, and opened the text, his heart slamming in his chest. He rubbed his eyes and read it several times over, like he'd done the letter, until he couldn't see it anymore with the tears running down his face. He closed his eyes and cried, lying back and staring up at the dark ceiling, phone on his chest. He'd thought after earlier in the day, he'd have no tears left, but they came in bulk, hot and oily down his temples and into his now short hair. A mix of sorrow and joy teemed in his chest and he finally picked his phone up again, responding with the only words he had at the moment. _I miss you too_

When Die got the text back, he was curled up on the guest bed, the phone cradled against him. _I love you._ He sent it and prayed he'd get a response.

Kaoru wailed as he read it, a mournful, hoarse cry that echoed dryly through the room, the empty house. Makoto had seemed content to sleep outside tonight and Kaoru felt completely and totally alone. _I love you too. More than anything. You're everything to me, I don't know why I couldn't see it before, why I ever doubted it. I'm so stupid._

Die mopped at his eyes, rolling over onto his stomach. _I thought about getting revenge for you sleeping with someone else... but I couldn't do it. Hell, Fea and Kyo offered to just let me watch them and I couldn't even do that. I took a shower instead. I love you so much._

Kaoru could hardly get his breathing right to not pass out he was so distraught, taking five minutes to type out a simple message. _I'm so so so sorry. I was an idiot. I AM an idiot. I love you so much._

Again Die mopped up his eyes, typing out another message. _Forgive me for leaving?_

_Of course. You don't even have to ask._

Die sniffled a little and rolled over, grabbing his bag and pulling out tissues to wipe up his face and blow his nose. That done, he picked the phone back up. _Are you okay?_

_Not really... I've managed to keep my promises, as much as I wanted to use when you left . I wanted to give up. I don't know how to live without you." He sat up and curled himself into the back of the futon, not folded out into a bed. Having more space only reminded him of Die not being there. _The lasagna was good. Thank you.__

__I'm glad you ate it. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. I think I might only stay until Kyo is going to Japan and then come home._ _

__I was starving and too upset to cook. Your letter tore me apart. I hate that I've done this to you. Please just promise me you'll only come home because you want to be here._ _

__I promise. I miss you and I want to try 'us' again. I don't want to be apart... and I don't want revenge. I just wanted someplace safe to sort things out in my own head without feeling like I had to feel a certain way._ _

_Kaoru sniffed hard, leaning his head back and trying to calm down before replying. _I hope so. I feel so alone right now. You're the only person who knows what's going on, I'm scared to tell anyone else, I don't want to freak them out until I know what's really happening.__

__Promise me you'll call me. Please?_ _

_A searing pain crossed his temples and ached back towards exactly where he knew some mass might be killing him that very instant. A new wave of anguish passed over him and it took him some time to regroup. _I don't know if I could speak. I don't think I could hear your voice and be able to find my own.__

__Then text me. Just promise to keep in contact. I want to know you're okay._ He rolled over and rubbed absently at his stomach. _I already feel a little better from the pills.__

_Kaoru wanted to tell Die he wasn't going to be okay anytime soon, , but he left that out. _Good. You looked awful, like you had leukemia or something. Eat lots.__

__I am, I'm eating well._ He sighed softly and bit his lip. _I love you so much.__

__Good. I want you with love handles when you get back :)_ The emoticon was enough to make him growl with how fake it felt, but somewhere in him was happiness to be talking to Die civilly. _I love you, too. I swear. Please believe me. I know I've given you every reason to doubt that.__

__I do believe you, baby. I really do._ He sent it and then held the phone close to his heart, closing his eyes and trying hard to push his love out through this connection Kyo said he felt that attached Kaoru to Die._

_Kaoru read the words and felt a pulse of warmth run through him, closing his eyes and crying into his knees, hugging them. His breath hitched and he screamed, muffled against his legs, "Die! Die, I miss you, I love you so much!" He cried himself out, feeling less alone this time and more comforted, picking the phone back up. _If you change your mind, just let me know. I want you to do this for you and no other reason than because it's what you think will make you happy.__

_Die lay there, feeling somehow more connected for a few minutes before his phone buzzed again, startling him out of the state. He read the reply and then typed one back. _I really do want this. I love you and without you I feel like a part of me is missing.__

__Me, too. Like someone ripped my heart out. I feel empty._ He shuddered, feeling cold creep back in, but this time it didn't seem so frightening and daunting, like so many people not there. _I hate my hair :/__

__Kyo says we're linked... that he could feel you through me. I tried to send my love to you through that connection. Did it work?_ He sent that and then read the second text, replying to that as well. _Dye it a really dark purple. It'll grow out.__

_Kaoru had gotten up to drink some water and take another round of Excedrin, coming back and reading the second text first. _I'll wait until after everything. By the end of all this, they'll have shaved my head to some extent._ At the other text he stopped, nearly dropping to the floor but somehow staying standing. The comfort he'd felt made perfect sense now and he closed his eyes, trying to bring it back to him and send his own love in return, but he felt like it was futile, his mind too scattered in different directions. _Yes. I love you.__

_Die smiled at the yes. _I love you, too. I think I'm going to go to bed. I'll try to keep sending it to you until I fall asleep. You going to sleep?__

_Kaoru laid down and curled up to his pillow, one of Die's dirty t-shirts over it. It had been so long now, it hardly smelled like Die anymore, but every now and again, Kaoru found a spot that would relinquish just a little more of his scent. As he laid his head down, a tiny waft of it came to him and his whole body tingled. _Okay. I'll try to send it back. I love you, Daisuke. Goodnight.__

__I love you, too, baby. Goodnight._ He bit his lip a little and closed the phone, going to turn off the light and then crawling under the covers and cradling his pillow, nuzzling against it with a yawn. He could still hear Fea and Kyo going at it and this time he smiled to himself, trying to send his love out to Kaoru._

_**To Be Continued…** _


	50. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Unrealistic time for a full tattoo... like... very unrealistic.  
> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan

The next day was spent in misery, Kyo and Fea trading places in the bathroom to puke. The hangovers were killer, but by late afternoon, they'd seemed to fade. Fea knocked on the guest bedroom door around five and poked his head in, looking haggard, but much better than the morning. "Me and Kyo are going to go grab some dinner. Do you want to come, or are you still sick?"

Die hadn't fared much better, though he mostly tried to keep his misery to himself, going in when Kyo and Fea weren't in there. By the time Fea came in, he sniffed a bit and looked up at him. "Um... I'll come. I stopped being sick a few hours ago." He rolled over and reached down, rubbing his lower abdomen. "I needa get dressed though."

The taller man gave a nod, then hesitated before going and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Look... I'm sorry about last night. I made an ass of myself and I'm sure it was a pretty horrible first impression."

Die blinked at Fea. "What? You didn't make an ass out of yourself." Die scooted closer to him. "I think you're awesome. I didn't come back out because I ended up thinking about it and I didn't want revenge on Kaoru. I wanted to watch, but... I was too afraid it was all for me and that you guys didn't really want it."

"It's just..." Fea sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Last night got kind of crazy and I hope you didn't get freaked out or anything. Which I'm guessing you didn't? I just... I woke up feeling like I was totally inappropriate. I haven't got an ounce of shame when I'm drunk." He sighed and looked down at Die, shrugging. "I put your clothes in the chair," he pointed to the chair in the corner. "I guess just get ready and we'll go. Kyo's in the mood for Japanese. He's still kind of sick and hounding me for udon."

"I usually have no shame. If I'd known you knew I had a pussy, then I wouldn't have had any shame anyway." Smirking a bit, he nudged him. "Feel happy I was trying to keep my hands to myself, yeah? It means I respect what you and Kyo have." He stood up and glanced at Fea before just shoving his pants down and rooting for underwear in his bag, moving to pull them on, trying to show he still had no shame.

Fea snickered. "How easily you call it your pussy just splits my sides." He eyed Die just for the hell of it, intrigued by the unique body now that he wasn't seeing double. "Thank you for keeping your hands to yourself, then." He got up and left the room, going out to smoke a cigarette, wearing sunglasses against the glaring brightness of the day, Kyo curled up on the couch, dozing, both of them wearing simple jeans and t-shirts.

Once he was done dressing, Die came out as well, finding his cigarettes and his lighter from his bag, stepping out and wincing. "Forgot my sunglasses... fuck." He lit up and leaned on the rail. "I accept what I was born with... because Kaoru taught me to be okay with it. Every ounce of 'okay' with my body I have is thanks to him."

Fea tilted his head, contemplating the statement. "So I take it you did some thinking last night?"

"Yeah... the space from him has helped me clear my head. I still love him to death. I can't help that." He shrugged a bit. "I may go back earlier than I planned. We talked last night."

A slight nod from the green-eyed Briton. "That's good. I knew it wasn't my place last night, but... it's good you're going back. I mean, if it goes south, you don't want to be regretting anything after he's gone. It's better to love him than be bitter and then wish you'd done differently. My mum and I hated each other, but after she died, I felt so selfish for not bucking up and going to see her. All the shit seemed so petty when I realized, for better or worse, the woman that gave me life was gone and I'd never let myself stop feeling hurt enough to at least thank her for that." He rubbed his elbow a little, shrugging. "I guess that's different, but still. It's better for you to forgive him. Hate takes a lot of effort."

Die smiled softly at him. "I just needed space... I spent two weeks living in a WalMart parking lot in my car before. No healing is gonna take place in that situation. And now... well... I thought about it and I know I really do want to go back. I think I'll stay a few more days because I miss Kyo. He's my best friend and I think I need to be in good health when I go back to deal with all of what's coming to me."

Fea nodded again. "My daughter's in town with her mum, so if you want some alone time with him, I can always do something with her, just the two of us."

"Completely up to you. You have my promise I won't do more than hug the stuffing out of him." He gave him a lopsided smirk. "I'm the kind of person that needs comfort though things like hugs."

Fea laughed. "Hugging is fine. I know there's a history of sorts between you two, but, my heart tells me to trust him, so I'm not really jealous, I guess." He ground his cigarette out and tossed it in the ashtray. "Ready to go?"

"He loves you." Smiling he did the same with his cigarette and nodded. "Ready as I'll get."

Fea blushed, biting his lip a little and then slipping inside, shaking Kyo gently to wake him back up. The blonde rubbed his eyes and fixed his ponytail, then frowned a little and rubbed his head, but grabbed Fea and kissed him all the same before getting up and going to the door to put his shoes on. He turned to Die and asked in a hoarse voice, "Do you want to walk to the place a few blocks down, or take a cab into Little Tokyo?"

"It's completely up to you guys. I'm here for the ride." He smiled softly at them, seeming in much better spirits than when he'd showed up.

Kyo nodded. "I don't feel like walking and I haven't really prayed in a while. We'll go to Little Tokyo." Fea looked excited at this prospect, obviously fascinated in some form or another with Eastern faith by the subject and design of some of his tattoos. Kyo pulled open the door and let them file out, locking it and then heading towards the elevator. He looked at Die. "I won't drag you to the temple if you don't want to go. I'd just really like to stop by, even for ten minutes or something."

Die shook his head. "I'd like to go, too. While I was gone, I kept thinking I needed to do something spiritually, so maybe this was really the reason I ended up out here... who knows." He smiled at him.

Kyo managed a little smile. "I promise I'll take you to some real temples in Kyoto." He got into the elevator and leaned on Fea, sighing. "I'm so hung over..."

Die smiled a bit. "About that... I'm thinking I might go back when you leave for Japan. I mean otherwise it's like two weeks. The pain I felt from Kaoru... I don't think he could make it that long."

Kyo blinked, looking at him funny and switching to Japanese. "What exactly happened last night?"

Die switched as well, blushing faintly. "I heard you two making love - don't you dare try to tell me that was fucking, because it wasn't - and I just felt this overwhelming sadness and loneliness. So I texted Kaoru and we talked for a while. I don't want to hurt him and I do love him. I just needed time to think and the space to feel like I could make my own decisions, which is exactly what this gave me. He's hurting... I tried finding that connection you said we had and he felt it, Kyo... he felt it when I sent him all the love I could through it." He teared up a little and reached to wipe at his eyes, giving him a watery smile. "That has to mean something."

Kyo looked at Die a little sadly, listening. "I know you love him, Die. And it is worth something. I just don't want to see you get hurt again." He reached and rubbed the redhead's arm, stepping out of the elevator and going out onto the street, looking for a cab and then stepping off the curb to hail it. It pulled up in front of the building and Kyo pulled open the back door, sliding all the way across the seat.

Die slid in as well, hoping it was okay with Fea that he was next to him since he was still talking to him. "I know... but honestly, I'll never forgive myself for not trying again. Especially if he dies soon." He frowned. "But that's not why I'm going back. I love him and I want to work it out. If it fails, then I'll end up a sobbing mess at your doorstep in Japan and you can toss me in a corner and tell me you told me so."

Fea stuffed his long frame into the seat with Die in the middle, closing the door and giving an address to the driver. Kyo reached and squeezed Die's hand. "I know you love him. And I hope it works, and I hope everything turns out okay and you can have your forever with him. I really do."

Die grabbed his hand as well and laced his long fingers with Kyo's. "I hope so. I hope so really hard." He gave him a smile. "I want to be here for a few more days to be with you. I miss you."

Kyo grinned, squeezing Die's hand back. "Good. I've missed you, too. Plus, you'll have a few days to game plan; really think through how you might want to set things back up with Kaoru. Get your head level instead of going back in when the emotions are still really high."

Die nodded. "I need a plan... and I don't know where the hell to start with that, honestly."

Kyo sighed. "I don't think I can really help you. I guess you should probably write out a list of what he did to hurt you and have him explain himself. Specific things. So he knows what he did wrong so he won't do them again. And then maybe write out the things he did right, and what you want more of." He gave a little shrug and leaned into Die's shoulder, Fea just sitting quietly and watching the city go by, his leg pressed into Die's.

"Yeah... I think that might work. Maybe I should tell him to do the same thing? Then we can just discuss it like adults?" Die reached to gently pat Fea's thigh.

Kyo scoffed, rolling his eyes and then smiling at a very confused Fea, left out of the conversation and getting touched now. He shook it off and went back to watching the city. "He already did that to you, and it's what started all this. You get to call the shots now. I know you love him, but don't let that make you go to easy on him. What he did is still shitty."

"Okay. I don't think he'd write anything bad out anyway. You know... I felt like I did all kinds of terrible things, but then I thought about it the entire time I was gone and all I could think was that it wasn't me. I was trying so hard. It's not like I'm a selfish person."

"It's not your fault," Kyo assured, holding Die's hand with both of his. "You can't be taught to be romantic, and you tried. Not to mention, his expectations were unable to be fulfilled anyway. You gave him all you had, and if it wasn't enough, that's his fault."

Die squeezed Kyo's hands in return. "I just do my own little things... but maybe he knows that now... I hope."

The blonde sighed, nuzzling Die's shoulder. "That bastard better."

He had to laugh softly at that, relaxing back against the seat. "Do you blame me for going back early? I mean... I'll still see you in Japan, I promise."

Kyo shook his head. "No, you'd be bored anyway; I'd be in the studio half the time. Plus, he really wanted to be the one to take you to Japan. I just hope you're making the right decision, if there even _is_ a right decision."

Die nodded. "I don't know if there is or not, but I know where my heart wants me to go... and that's all I can go by right now."

Kyo smiled a little and sat up, patting Die's hand. "I guess that's all anyone can expect of you." He wrinkled his nose in a bigger grin for a moment and then fell quiet, looking out the window as they neared Little Tokyo. The cab pulled up to a stop light and Kyo handed up some cash. "This is fine, thanks."

Fea opened the door and got out, letting them out behind him and looking around. He tucked his hands into his pockets to keep from doing anything stupid; he and Kyo had agreed it was best to be as discreet as possible, no slip-ups. Kyo took the lead and started walking, heading towards a small restaurant he knew.

Die smiled, slipping out after Fea. "Being discreet?" he asked softly, looking between them.

Fea made a little face. "Yeah."

Kyo sighed. "It would be a breach of my contract. I could get dropped and lose any right to royalties." Fea grumbled something to the effect of, "Fucking bastards," and followed Kyo into the tiny restaurant. A tiny older woman bowed and greeted them in Japanese, Kyo smiling and asking her for a table for three in Kansai-ben. From the little knick-knacks and photos decorating the place it was clear why Kyo liked it; he shared a hometown with the owners, who served up Kyoto-style favorites. They were led back to a table and handed menus, Kyo sliding into a booth and Fea contemplating a moment before sitting facing him instead of beside him.

Die padded along with them, sitting beside Kyo and opening the menu. "I always do this to you... but what would you suggest I get?"

Fea didn't even open his menu, just nodding. "Me, too. I think the most Japanese food I've ever had is sushi and teriyaki chicken."

"And my dick," Kyo tagged on under his breath without hesitation, looking over the menu. "Alright. I'll just do like I always do and tell them to make me hometown stuff. It's all good here, I promise." He stacked their menus together and waited for the waitress to come back, ordering again in the Kansai dialect, breaking into English to look at both of them. "What do you want to drink?"

Fea got an excited look in his eyes and then thought for a moment, holding up one finger to the waitress. "Ah... biiru ippon, onegai shimas'." He got a smile and a scribble onto her pad from the waitress along with a quick confirmation of, "Sapporo?" and a nod from Fea.

Kyo hid a little laugh behind his hand and waited for Die to order.

Die laughed, watching Fea and then quietly ordering whatever sake they felt like giving him and iced green tea in Japanese. He smiled softly and nodded, stretching a bit in the booth, his packer making an obscene bulge in his pants that he didn't even notice.

Fea bit his lip and looked at Kyo expectantly. "Was that good, or was it rubbish?"

Kyo laughed. "It was good. The accent is terrible, but she understood you just fine."

Green eyes were veiled with dark lashes for a moment in a shy gesture, Fea moving to unwrap his silverware, not able to eat with chopsticks. "I guess I'm gonna have to learn Japanese, huh?"

Kyo seemed sort of struck by this and then laughed. "More than ordering beer, probably, yeah. Why? You plan on coming to Nagoya sometime soon?"

Pale cheeks flushed pink for a half-second. "Maybe..."

Die watched them, smiling while he did. It was so nice seeing them get on like that and he couldn't help but be happy for them. "You're adorable together," he murmured very quietly, smirking at them. "I love it."

Both of them blushed, Fea pulling all of his long hair over one shoulder and finger combing it in a shy gesture. Kyo watched him for a moment before nudging Die. "I was thinking about going to get my sleeve touched up," he held out his right arm, a collection of morbid imagery all woven together in some psychotic motif of cynical poetry and... well, skulls. "I think maybe you need more ink than just the snake skin." He gave Die a challenging grin and rubbed said tattoo, tracing the edge of it with his finger.

Die perked up, his eyes glittering. "Really? I could get something else?" He bit his lip, the idea really intriguing him. "I've always kind of wanted more... you think it'd work on me?"

Kyo smirked. "It doesn't matter if it would work on you, just if you like it, yourself."

The waitress returned with their drinks and Fea picked up his beer, taking a sip. "I always get tattooed when I'm stressed, it helps a ton." He looked at himself for a second, then shrugged. "Obviously, I'm stressed a lot."

Die peered between them and then murmured, "Will you guys help me out on designing something?"

Kyo chuckled, pulling a little notebook from his bag and a green pen. "Any ideas what you might want? Size, basic design, colors?"

Die deliberated it for a moment. "Something across the back of my shoulders maybe? I like things kind of like yours really... they're so intricate. I mean, I don't want to copy yours, but you know... the same kind of style."

Kyo laughed. "So... realism? Most of the ones on this arm are more portrait-quality black and white, but, I've got the dragon and fox, too. What kind of theme do you want? Or more... what do you want it to represent?" Fea leaned forward on his elbows, listening to them, excited.

"Yeah, the realistic quality and the shading. I love it." He tapped his lip slightly and then murmured, "Well, I had this one done," he stroked his scales, "to show transition. Like the shedding of a snakes skin. I'd like to maybe do something that shows that I have more strength... that I'm my own person."

Kyo looked stumped, chewing on the end of his pen cap. "Hmm... that's a tough one." He tried to think of something that would symbolize solidarity and came up blank. 

Fea looked equally stumped. "Spit out some ideas off the top of your head, we'll see what we can come up with."

Die sat there and through about it for a long moment. "I've got it... a tree... with the roots going down my back and the branches going across my shoulders. What do you think?"

Fea blinked. "Whoa. That would be a lot of work, especially in a realistic style. Any particular kind of tree, or special little add-ins?"

"A transition between a living tree, a tree starting to let its leaves die, and a dead tree, from right to left."

Kyo looked at Die seriously. "That's some crazy shit. I think I know an artist that can do it, but... if you did it all in one go, it could take all day, Die. Ten hours, at least. Are you sure you want to do it?"

Die bit his lip and then looked seriously at Kyo. "Would you stay with me?"

Kyo laughed a little. "Of course! I mean, I'd be getting mine worked on, but, it's not like I'm gonna leave you there and then come pick you up or something. We'll go talk to some artists today, schedule something for tomorrow or the day after."

Fea rubbed his hands together excitedly. "I'm in on this. I've been wanting to connect all the stuff on my right leg." Already there was the om on his foot, Saraswati on his calf, and a large hand of the Buddha on his thigh, with the lotus mantra in Sanskrit on the back of his thigh.

Kyo rolled his eyes, nudging Die. "Apparently, you get modified in LA."

Die grinned, excitedly bouncing in his seat before he reached for both of their hands, squeezing them. "I'm so excited!" Then he let go of them both and squirmed a bit before he noticed the waitress coming back with their drinks and a basket of edamame.

Kyo chuckled at him, shaking his head and putting away his notebook and pen. Fea looked at the furry little pods curiously. "What?"

Kyo picked one up and sucked the beans out of it. "Think of it like Japanese boiled peanuts."

"Got it."

Die laughed. "You know, the first time I tried these, I was really freaked out. But now, I kinda like them. Made myself sick a few times off of it though." He picked one up and copied Kyo's action, looking pleased.

"How could you get sick off them, they're soy beans!" Kyo got out around a mouthful of them. 

Fea tried one a little cautiously, then shrugged, adding the shell to the pile Kyo had started on a small plate. As Kyo was reaching for more, Die's phone buzzed; a text message from Kaoru. _I took the photo to the gallery you told me to try. They bought my print up front, $300. They want me to print, sign, and number five more for them to hang and sell. Thank you._

Die laughed. "I ate two containers from the supermarket. Trust me, too much will make you sick." He plucked his phone from his pants and flipped it open, smiling as he texted back. _Yay! See, I told you it'd fit in their gallery! I wish you so much more luck. I love you!_

_Ditto. Makoto misses you tons. He'll jump up on your side of the bed to nap._

Kyo leaned over to look at the phone. "Kaoru?"

Die made a little, "Aww," sound and then nodded at Kyo. "Yeah, it's him. His work got put up in the gallery I told him to put it in the day I came back." He smiled softly, replying. _Give him hugs... and I'm giving you mental hugs now._ Quietly, he tried to send it out, eyes closed for a moment.

Kyo gave a little nod, hooking his ankles around one of Fea's legs under the table. "He's a great artist, I don't know why he hasn't gotten stuff showcased yet."

_Receiving mental hugs. I've been changing up my portfolio and taking it everywhere. I figure eventually, someone will hang something else to make me shut up, haha. I feel a lot better today. You?_

"Because he didn't have the confidence." He texted back a moment later. _XDD Yeah, I'm feeling a bit better now that I know what's going to happen. I don't feel so lost._

Fea sipped at his beer, butting in. "I remember his photos more than him, really. He is good. Most people do really straight-forward band shots, but he thought outside the box. It was refreshing."

Kyo gave a little smile. "Yeah, he doesn't do typical photos, pretty much ever. He's got a good eye." He sipped at his water, muttering into it, "Even if he is an asshole..."

Die's phone buzzed again. _Speaking of, I have something to ask you when you get back._ Another text came in quickly after. _For the record, I was at least safe in my fuck up and I got tested just to be sure - results came in today, I'm clean._

"He's really good at thinking outside the box..." Die shook his head, "You'd think he'd think outside the box on love, too." When his phone vibrated again, Die flipped it open. _That's good. Thank you for getting tested. Honestly... I was worried._

"Well, maybe he'll learn." The waitress returned and put three small bowls of kitsune udon in front of them, Kyo purring as he put his face over the bowl, smelling it. "I'm a happy Kyo right now..."

Fea giggled and watched Kyo use his chopsticks to break up the piece of fried tofu and eat some of the green onions before picking up the bowl and drinking directly from it.

Die chuckled and picked up his chopsticks, plucking out some tofu and smiling as he ate it. "So good," he murmured quietly before picking up his sake and taking a long sip of the warm liquid.

Fea looked at the bowl, feeling lost and dumb for it, picking up the soup spoon and sipping some. "Oh god... fuck Brooklyn, and London rains, I'm living with you." Kyo laughed, crossing his legs in the booth. "This is delicious."

The blonde blushed, tucking some stray hair back behind his ears. "Glad you like it. It's my version of chicken noodle soup, I guess."

Die smiled. "It's a very lovely substitute. Better than chicken noodle I think."

Kyo hummed a little laugh, eating quietly, trying not to look as amused as he was at the difficulty Fea seemed to be having with getting the tofu to break into pieces.

Die smirked and then wiggled around in the seat, looking rather like he was getting off on the udon. He reached for more edamame and his sake.

Kyo cut his eyes at Die, noting the squirming. He slipped into Japanese again, not wanting to embarrass him and announce it in front of Fea. "What's, ah, what's up, Die?"

Die's face flushed when Kyo spoke up. He shrugged a little, muttering back very lowly in Japanese. "I uh... I think the pills started working again." His face deepened in the shade of red and he looked completely embarrassed.

Kyo's hand shot down onto Die's knee, gripping it hard. He tried not to, but couldn't hold back, starting to laugh, loudly, sagging back against the seat and tilting his head back. Fea stared like he'd lost his mind, setting the spoon down. "Um... I really hope you said something funny." He looked at Die and then back at Kyo, who was in stitches. "That was a joke, right?"

Die socked Kyo in the shoulder, giving him a huge pout. "No! It wasn't a joke!" He put one hand over his eyes and then groaned quietly before leaning close and hissing in Fea's ear. "My pills have kicked in."

There was some confused blinking of green eyes before it clicked. "Oooooh." He picked up his spoon again and stared at his udon. "Gotcha." Kyo's laughing finally died down and he rubbed his shoulder, shaking his head and finishing up his soup.

Die blushed even more before crossing his legs, one over the other, and scooting forward against the edge of the table, trying to concentrate only on his soup.

As they were finishing up, the waitress brought out the next dish, putting bowls of plain rice in front of each of them and then two dishes in the center of the table, one with broiled fish, the other with fresh vegetables fried up with bean sprouts. Kyo gave her a little bow of his head and smiled as he thanked her before scooping some of the hot dishes up with the provided spoons and putting them on top of his rice.

Die finished up his soup and then pushed the bowl to the other side of the table, at the edge. Reaching for the veggies, he smiled. "These look lovely."

Kyo chewed a carrot, moaning. Fea almost looked jealous, then laughed softly under his breath. The blonde seemed to melt for a moment. "So, so good. This place is the closest I get to home most of the time; I've got more free time in LA than I do in Nagoya. Definitely hits the spot."

Die watched them interact, smiling at them both. "It really is amazing."

Fea carefully piled fish and vegetables onto his rice, licking the sauce off his thumb when he was done. "So Die, I feel like I know you from Kyo talking about you, but I guess really I don't. What's your life like, in a nutshell?"

Die looked up at him, carefully getting his plate together. "Mmm... well... I used to work for the corporate monster making advertisements. I just gave up finally on them all making fun of me and making my life hell and quit. Before I met Kaoru I serial-dated and it sucked terribly. Every time someone found out I wasn't physically a guy they'd leave... or - in one case - beat the fuck out of me. When Kaoru found out, I thought he was going to as well, but he didn't. I guess that was the first huge props to him, really." He shrugged a bit. "Now I'm doing projects for Kyo's friends and hopefully for Kyo himself at some point. And well... I like to fish, I love booze, and I'm generally entirely over-sexed."

At the mention of doing projects for Kyo, the blonde reached and ruffled Die's hair. "As soon as I get an album together, kid."

Fea nodded along, listening. "Wow. That was actually quite thorough." He smirked before scooping up some rice and fish onto his fork and taking a bite.

Die gave him a wry smirk. "Yeah... well... I was trying hard, so I'm glad I did well." Picking up his chopsticks, he started chowing down on the food.

Kyo cupped his bowl with one hand, eating with his legs crossed in the seat. He nudged Die's mind a little, _I'm glad you're eating. Makes me feel better._ Fea gave them a glance, as if he had thought he'd heard one of them say something, then went back to eating.

Die smiled and thought back real hard at him. _I'm trying and my stomach isn't rejecting it now._ He ended up pushing off his flip-flops and sitting like Kyo, settling back. It was more comfortable this way.

Their drinks were refilled, Fea's beer replaced with a new one and the udon bowls taken away. Kyo and Fea were casting glances at each other in what seemed like a silent conversation, the taller man looking somewhat put off. It was subtle, something easily missed. To anyone not looking, they were just enjoying their meals quietly, but it was there.

Die sat there, for the most part oblivious until he noticed the way Fea looked. Quietly, he looked between them and recognized that they were obviously holding a conversation with one another. He didn't interrupt though, not wanting to butt in where he wasn't wanted again. Already, he kind of felt like he should maybe stay in a hotel or something so he wasn't shoving himself in the middle and really, he felt selfish that he'd damn near begged Kyo to let him come out. He'd spent his money and shoved his way into their together time. There was only so much he could do before it started affecting other people. Almost out of nowhere, he murmured, "I was thinking I should maybe stay at a hotel for the next few days. I saw a Motel 6 on the way over here."

Kyo blinked, looking at Die. "Huh? Why?"

Fea caught on quicker, shaking his head. "I'm just complaining about this whole discretion bullshit. Sorry." He looked down at his food, picking at it. "I hate that to the rest of the world, I have to act like he's inconsequential to me..."

Die looked somewhat relieved, nodding. "Oh... okay. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I think it'd suck... a lot." He sighed softly, biting his lip. "I'm glad it wasn't over me... I just kind of thought maybe I was being a nuisance... cutting in on your time together, you know?"

Fea shook his head. "I think we've been spoiled quite enough, it's probably best we've got something to help us wean off each other before he leaves."

Kyo pouted, but gave a nod. "I told you, we've been together every day since we first met. Two weeks, plus. I think it's about time we got some interruption."

Die chuckled softly. "Yeah... I guess you kind of do, don't you? Too much of anyone isn't healthy."

Kyo shrugged, blushing. "Well, until you live together."

Fea chuckled. "Suggesting things?"

Die glanced between them and grinned happily. "O-la-la~!"

Both of them ducked their heads and blushed. Kyo simply shrugged and kept eating like it was an answer and Fea tactfully ignored it with a smile. Looking up, he blinked as he asked Die, "What about you? Other than the recent fuck ups, what was it like when you first moved in with your boyfriend?"

"Um... well..." he scratched his head, "I moved in because of a drug problem on his end, so... stressful. But the pieces in between were blissful and wonderful."

Fea's eyes went wide. "Whoa. Heavy. And did you ever get tired of each other? Were there times where being around each other all the time was just infuriating and it felt like it would have been better living separately? Or was it better living in the same place?"

Die shook his head a bit. "If I ever had an issue at all, I just went to another room to do something for a while. It's not hard." He shrugged.

Fea gave a little nod, Kyo chewing on his lip to hide a smile. The taller man kept pressing questions. "What gets you through? Drug problems, this recent... thing, him sleeping with someone else? What makes you want to keep trying?"

Die just leaned forward, his chin on his palm while Fea questioned him. "I love him. It makes all the difference in the world. Love can survive many things as long as it's true."

Another nod, Kyo watching them talk, wondering where this conversation was going and why, discovering more about Fea just from the kinds of things he inquired about. "Do you think he loves you back, or do you think maybe just the idea of you? And is this the first time you've been in love?"

"I fully believe he loves me. He wouldn't have almost ODed when we split if he didn't. And yes, it's the first time I've been in love." He tilted his head a little.

"Fair enough." Fea set his fork down and leaned back, looking levelly at Die. "What's your breaking point? What would be the ultimate deal breaker, no matter how much you love him, for you to finally walk away? Me, I don't know if I could handle living with someone with a drug addiction, but what about you? What would it take to make you call it quits?"

Die was silent for a few moments, thinking about it, realizing he needed to know this... needed to have a limit. "If I ever walked in on him cheating on me. I'd probably end up in jail for assault and battery. I don't think I could take him going back to using again either... I mean, I know it's in the past and he's going to NA now. But I'm so tired of this shit, honestly. I mean, there's a lot you can take in the name of love, but there has to be a limit for yourself so you don't end up in the same place."

Fea's eyebrows jumped a little and he took in a slow breath. "It seems like you're taking a risk just going back now. He's slept with someone else - whether it's cheating or not is a little undefined, since you technically weren't together at the time - and this is, what, the second time he's slipped up with the drugs in a year? You either really trust and love him or, no offense, you're stupid. That's a lot of faith to put in someone that seemed to have slightly lost their mind and hurt you." He shrugged a little. "Though speaking of, Kyo mentioned a tumor. Depending on where it is, that can actually affect his reasoning and emotional response. I know it's not the wisest thing to let the blame get carried over to something like that instead of making him take responsibility, but, maybe that's what you have to let yourself believe to be able to really put any effort into it again? I don't think I could go back, put in your situation. The first time, maybe, but not after getting slapped in the face again the second you come home."

Die gave him a sad little smile and then shrugged. "Maybe I am stupid... but I love him from the bottom of my heart and I can't change that. I've been thinking that honestly... if it is the tumor and it is able to be taken care of, then I want to be there to see how that goes. And on the chance that it's fatal... being the one he loves, it's the least I can do being there. But, in all honesty, it's because I can't just drop it quite yet. But one more slap in the face and that's the end of it. I'm pretty sure he knows that as well as I do."

Kyo put his hand on Die's knee comfortingly, Fea biting a little at his full bottom lip. "For your sake, I hope it works out, whatever the best of this situation may be. And maybe that's that it _is_ fatal, but that he spends his last moments with you. You just seem like too genuine of a person to get taken advantage of, so, I hope that's not where this goes."

Die nodded. "I'm hoping he'll let us both do whatever we need to in order to get it all taken care of. But in the end, it's his body and I'll have to do what he wants." He gave a little shrug and then rubbed over his hair with a sigh.

"I admire your strength, honestly. I'm sure it's situational, but I really don't think I could do what you're doing. I mean, in a perfect relationship, the idea of possibly facing your lover's death is awful enough, but mixed with all this... it says something about you that you haven't completely turned your back."

Die blushed slightly, reaching for more of his veggies and rice finally. "Thank you."

Kyo squeezed Die's knee again, not sure just how sensitive of a topic all this was before beginning to eat again, himself. Fea looked between them and blinked. "Um... sorry. I've been told I'm rather blunt sometimes."

Die shook his head. "No, it's fine... really."

A small plate of shrimp tempura was brought out and more dishes cleared and waters refilled. Fea plucked a shrimp from the plate and took a bite, chewing slowly. Kyo dipped one in a little soy sauce and nudged Die's side slightly. "Kaoru told you about the show I booked for when you're in Nagoya, right?"

Die blinked a little, racking his brain and then nodding. "Oh, yeah... he did." He offered a soft smile. "Thank you for that. You're a sweetheart."

Kyo shrugged a little and returned the smile. "Lives in Japan are their own monster; I wanted to make sure you saw one."

"I really want to." He smiled softly at him. "I'm sure it'll be epic."

Kyo laughed, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "I don't know about epic, but I'll do my best."

Fea smirked a little. "You should talk him into giving you a personal showing. He's played for me a few times. It's nice, just seeing him chilled out and playing." Kyo blushed again, sipping his water.

Die perked up a bit, reaching over and yanking on Kyo's sleeve. "Would you do that for me?"

Kyo looked put on the spot, turning bright pink, which Fea ate up rather obviously. The petite blonde gently batted Die's hand away and shrugged. "I dunno, maybe... I'll play piano for you, maybe not my own stuff."

Die looked happy with that at least. "I'd like that."

Kyo nodded a little, pushing his plate away, full. "Alright. Might have to think of somewhere I can just... borrow a grand. I've got a baby grand in Nagoya, but just a digital piano here. It's really great; I just... love playing grands."

Fea laughed. "What pianist doesn't? The newer digital pianos are getting really good being close to the actual sound of the instrument, but it doesn't shake and vibrate and resonate the way an actual piano does."

Kyo eyes sort of lit up as he nodded excitedly. "Exactly!"

Die gave him a wide smile. "Hey... did you know I play guitar some?"

Kyo thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I think I knew that already." He pointed at Fea. "He's the guitarist. I suck at it. I mean, I _can_ play pretty much everything, but, I'm only actually decent at piano."

Fea scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Decent?" He looked at Die and then pointed back at Kyo. "He's an amazing jazz player. It's insane, watching a tattooed, bleached blonde Asian kid go at it like that." 

Kyo mouthed _tattooed, bleached blonde Asian kid_ and smiled, shaking his head.

Die chuckled at the phrasing as well, reaching over to rub at Kyo's hair, messing it up childishly. "Hear that, Kyo? You're amazing."

Kyo glared teasingly and pushed his bangs back out of his face. "Well, blondes _are_ better."

"Pfft, redheads win, man." Die smirked at him, his tone obviously teasing.

Fea snickered at them, then started digging through his mass of smooth hair. He gave a little triumphant, "ha!" and pulled up two dyed strips, one bleached, one a burgundy red. "I have both!"

Die stuck his tongue out at him, but then laughed and picked up his sake, finishing it off before it cooled off too much.

The waitress returned and cleared everything, asking if they needed anything else. Kyo and Fea both shook their heads, Kyo waiting on Die to make sure he didn't want another drink or anything before asking for the check. He sighed and leaned back in the booth, a relaxed smile on his lips. "I just want to take a nap now. That was so good."

Die just settled back as well, letting out a little yawn and then rubbing his stomach. "Good food," he murmured, tilting his head and then feeling more at his stomach before laughing. "Fuck... I think I have a food baby." It'd been a while since he'd managed that.

Fea almost spit his beer out, laughing. The term was fairly self-explanatory, but he'd never heard it before. Kyo shook his head at him, handing his credit card to the waitress when she came back with the check.

"Whaaat? I do!" He tugged up his shirt a little once the waitress was gone and prodded at the little bump.

Fea chuckled, shaking his head and sliding out of the booth as Kyo was handed back his card and given the receipt to sign. He stretched a little and rubbed the back of his head while looking at Kyo. "Do you want to go talk to tattoo artists, find a grand piano, or go to the temple first?"

Kyo chuckled a little, putting his credit card back in his wallet. "Everything in the order you just listed them, actually."

Die smiled, slipping out of the booth happily. "Mmm... this sounds more and more like fun every moment."

Kyo got out behind him, stretching a little and reaching briefly to put his arm around Fea when he then wrinkled his nose and dropped his arm, spitting out a string of curses in Japanese and walking rather rigidly towards the door. His lover bit his lip and put his hand on Die's back to guide him out after Kyo. "Yeah... this whole discretion thing kind of sucks."

"No kidding. For everyone, I think. I mean, more for you two obviously, but for me, too cause I'm clingy as shit and I think I hugged him too long in the airport." He made a face.

Fea pursed his lips a little and caught up to Kyo, at the corner lighting a cigarette. Kyo was trying to shake off his irritation, looking around. "There's a tattoo shop a few blocks from here where one of my artists works. We'll walk." Without leaving any room for debate, he headed off down the street, Fea moving to tag along.

Die just walked along behind them, his hands in his pockets. He couldn't believe he was actually going to go in for the tattoo session, but he really wanted to do it. Honestly, he kind of wanted to surprise Kaoru with it.

Fea knew enough already not to press Kyo, to move on from it, staying quiet and walking beside him. About a block from the tattoo shop, he got a text message, stopping for a moment and reading it over again, then sighing and starting to walk, making a call. He looked at both of them and whispered a quick sorry before the person on the other end picked up. "What's she upset about? Huh? Why?" He gave another heavy sigh. "Yeah. No, of course I want to! Don't accuse me of shit like that, I'm serious, it's getting old. Not right now. I'll call you. I said I'll make it work!" Snapping the phone shut, he stopped with Kyo, who paused outside the parlor. "Rosaline," he explained, Kyo nodding. "Clairen's in a mood and wants to see me. Ross asked if I'd keep her for the night. I told her I'd get back to her."

Briefly, Kyo reached out and rubbed Fea's arm. "It's okay. It's your _daughter_ , I can be possessive, but I'm not _that_ bad."

Fea softened a little. "Thank you... though, really, I was wondering if maybe," he looked at Die, "it would be alright if I brought her to your place? It's far more entertaining than the hotel."

Die tried to mostly stay out of the conversation, but when he heard the bit about bringing her over, he perked up. "I love kids," he offered, hoping that maybe Kyo wouldn't mind.

Kyo shrugged. "I'll probably have to make sure I don't have anything too inappropriate out, and I'm not really sure how arrangements would be if she slept over, but, sure. She's a sweetie, I like her." Fea smiled and gave a nod, reaching for the door of the shop and pulling it open. Kyo gave a little smile back and walked in, waving at one of the artists in the back of the open space, cleaning up his work station. "Hey hey, Kagi. I've got a big project to run by you."

The artist, an older man of possible Polynesian decent, came up and shook Kyo's hand rather emphatically, smiling at Fea and Die. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"A marathon day." Kagi looked skeptical. "You know I'll shell out the cash to compensate for any inconvenience. I need my sleeve filled out, this one here," he pointed to Fea, "wants to tie together several pieces on his leg, and this one," he pointed then to Die, "wants a back piece. Something similar to my style. The giant and I can live with other artists, but I definitely want you to do Die."

Kagi stroked his sparse beard, looking around the shop. "Let me check the schedule. It won't happen today, I can tell you that. Knowing you, though, you're expecting this to happen within a few days?" Kyo nodded and the older man walked behind the desk, checking over a calendar.

Die just followed Kyo and Fea in, listening to Kyo speak with the artist. Wandering over to the books of art on the tables, he plopped down in one of the leather chairs and started flipping through the one for the man Kyo had called Kagi. His style was beautiful and Die thought it was fully appropriate for the piece he wanted.

Kyo and Fea chatted with Kagi a while longer before Fea was directed to talk to another artist and Kagi came to sit across from Die. "So a back piece, huh?"

Die put the book down, looking up and him and nodding. "Yeah, I'm looking for something that kind of displays my strength. I kind of thought maybe a tree with the roots going down to like mid-back and the branches from shoulder to shoulder with a transition from a living tree, through one in process of shedding its leaves in the fall, to a dead tree, right to left. I want it like Kyo's style; the shading and general feel of it." He quieted down, waiting to see what he'd say.

Kagi thought about it for a minute, tapping the end of the pencil he'd brought over on the pad in his lap. "The thing about detail is it needs size, otherwise as you age, it's going to turn into a blob. If you want that size, you won't have quite as much detail as I could give you with the full back, but what you want is what you want. When you say you want the roots, you mean no ground? Just... a floating tree, basically?"

"Like... the impression of ground, but not really. Does that make sense?" Then he got another idea and his eyes lit up. "If we did the full back... could we do the roots on the bottom kind of wrapping around a life-like heart with the valves attached to four of the roots? Like... implying life force?"

Kagi blinked at him for a minute and then started sketching, draw a rough human form and then moving to sit beside Die. "I'm trying to visualize this and think of how it would work best as a tattoo. There are certain things you just... can't really get to translate on skin. What I can do, is create a sort of mirror image with what would be the ground at the bottom of your ribs, with roots going out at the top to imply ground instead of just... floating, like the tree was ripped out of the ground, ya dig?" He sketched a rough semblance of it as he talked. "And then the heart would be at the small of your back."

Die listened to him, nodding. "Yeah, that sounds like a good way to imply the ground rather than forcing it." He watched what he sketched and smiled. "I like it so far."

Kagi finished up the general shape and then started sketching bits of roots and branches to give Die some examples of different bark texture and styling. "Did you have a particular kind of tree in mind?"

Without hesitation, he responded, "Cypress."

Kagi rubbed his beard again. "I can work with that. Might have to get a little creative with it to get the branching patterns to work more for artistic value, but yeah, I can do that." He turned to another page and started sketching again, drawing out the gnarled roots of a cypress around the quick rendering of a human heart and then worked his way up, the upper branches slightly more reminiscent of an oak that a cypress. "Any little extras you want with it? A hole in the trunk, initials carved in it, a rope swing or something? Or just the tree?"

Die thought about it and realized that at one point in his life, he would have put his and Kaoru's initials in it, but with the lack of stability they were currently experiencing, it was something he could potentially regret and ink was permanent. "Just the tree. If I ever want something else added on, it'll be exactly that... an add-on."

Kagi nodded, doing a bit of shading on a few leaves and then on a section of bark on the trunk, and finally the roots. "Look good to you? I'll draw up the rest before you come in tomorrow."

Die peered down at it and nodded. "I love it. It's almost exactly what I was envisioning."

Kagi gave a little grin and nodded, Fea and Kyo waiting by the counter, flipping through portfolios. "Alright. I'll draw it up and see you for a very long day tomorrow. Depending on if you want color and how many, it will probably take about twelve hours."

"Just blacks and greys," he murmured. Standing up, he held out his hand. "Thank you so much."

Kagi took it and shook his rather hard. "No problem." He head off towards the office at the back of the shop and Kyo turned around, jerking his chin up at Die.

"All good?"

Die headed over to him, smiling. "Yeah, thank you." He clasped Kyo's hand in his own with a grin. "This is gonna be incredible."

"We'll see if you're still saying that five hours in. Though I'm betting he," he jerked his thumb at Fea as he moved towards the door, "is going to cry like a little girl when they do the back of his knee."

Fea frowned a little and walked out onto the street. "I'm very good at taking pain, thank you!" He looked around for a cab, not seeing any cars on the street at all. "I found us a grand. There's one at the studio I was recording in that isn't being used right now; they said we could come by and use the room for an hour or so if we want. It's across town, though, so do you want to go to the temple first?" Kyo thought about it a minute, putting one hand on his hip and the other at his mouth, tapping his lips before nodding. He looked at Die to make sure that was alright.

Die smiled, nodding to let him know it was okay. "I wouldn't be surprised if I end up in agony at some point. I mean, I'm looking at a whole fucking day of work, after all."

Kyo made a little shrug and started walking. "Maybe a little meditation practice will be good for you, then. I'll take you to the bigger temple; they're used to tourists, so you won't feel out of place or anything. I just need to grab some things on the way." He doubled back around the block and stopped outside a floral shop, looking at the bouquets and then the single cuts, starting to pick some out and make his own bouquet of yellows, whites, and pale oranges.

Again, Die just followed along, more than willing to go wherever they were needed. Tilting his head, watched. _An offering?_

Kyo nodded despite the fact the question was not voiced. Fea was poking around at the roses. _Just because I didn't end up a monk doesn't mean I don't still humble myself once in a while. It's usually something personal, but I got you two with me today._

_I thank you very much for letting me come along. I hope you don't mind too much._

Kyo pulled out a bright red Gerber daisy and added it to his bouquet, switching to actual speech. "Just keep quiet and respectful. Don't feel like you have to do anything I do; a lot of the things I do mark me as a monk to anyone that knows what to look for. Just bowing and sitting to meditate and chanting if you want is pretty typical, but, if you just want to look around, the temple is very lovely."

Die nodded. "Alright. It really means a lot you're letting me come."

Kyo turned to him and laughed a little. "It's a temple. I can't give you permission or take it away. But... I suppose I know what you mean." He leaned over and smelled some marigolds before grabbing several. "You and Fea are the only ones I've ever let close enough to tell about how I grew up. I suppose it's only appropriate I take you to the temple with me. Maybe when you're in Japan, I can actually take you to the one in Kyoto where I stayed."

Die's eyes lit up. "I'd really like to do that." Something about being close enough to be allowed to do such a thing was amazing to him and it meant the world. He wandered around the shop, finding some calla lilies. He stared at them for a long moment before pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of them, sending it off to Kaoru with a little message. _Thinking of you._

Kyo took his bouquet to the cash register, having them wrapped up in gold paper, chatting with the woman who owned the place and had apparently come to recognize him somewhat. Die's phone buzzed with a photo back from Kaoru - the flower box - and another message. _Good to know. I hope one day seeing this won't feel like a cruel joke, that it will feel as good as when we first got it. I love you._

Die made a little face before texting back. _It's not a cruel joke. It's a reminder I'll be home._

 _I'll try to think of it that way. Right now, it's a reminder that I made this a place you don't want to be._

Kyo walked over with his big bouquet, seeming to dwarf him and make him even more boyish. "Okay, I'm ready." Fea came back over to them and continued to follow Kyo out of the shop and down the street.

 _But I'll come back, baby. Soon even._ He sent it, frowning slightly as he followed Kyo out of the shop. 

A few blocks up, a park broke the urban monotony and at the back of it stood a temple in bright saffrons and reds. Kyo walked through the park, hugging his flowers to his chest with both arms as he went up the steps and slipped off his shoes, toeing them into a little cubby, rows of them lining the entrance. Fea did the same, having to bend down and unlace his boots while Kyo continued on, reaching up and cupping the clapper of the large brass bell over the door and striking it once against the inside of the lip, making it ring openly before he disappeared into the temple.

Die removed his shoes as well, following in behind Fea, feeling happy about being in such a place

Kyo was already at the back of the temple, handing his flowers over to a priest before going to stand and bow, then kneel on one of the cushions at the base of the steps up to altar, head bowed, palms facing up out in front of him on the mat. He repeated the process twice more before going to the donations box and shoving in all the loose cash and change in his pockets and then taking a small bundle of joss sticks, lighting them from the oil lamp beside the container of them, and proceeded to walk slowly around the temple, placing the incense at each idol. 

Fea tried not to stare as though the actions were a spectacle, but the devout gestures were hard not to watch after having known the younger man in such a carnal fashion over the last fortnight. Slowly, he made his way across the carpeted floor to the main altar and bowed, standing, breathing for a moment before going to put some money in the donations box and then taking a seat on the floor.

Die trailed after Fea, doing the same thing, glad he'd bothered to get some change for one of the hundreds he had from what Kyo had given Kaoru and him. Quietly, he bowed and then moved to kneel, his hands in his lap and his head bowed while he tried hard to just concentrate on meditating, figuring it was pretty much what he needed.

Kyo sat down once he was done distributing the joss sticks, off on the other side of Fea, settling comfortably into lotus, his hands in dhyana mudra in his lap. After a few minutes, three monks, two of them older white men, walked around the temple, chanting. Even softly, Kyo's voice stood out, joining them in Tibetan and continuing after they had left through the back of the temple out into the garden before quietly trailing off. Fea sat perfectly still, eyes closed, both of them silent.

Die could hear him, listening to him and biting his lip. It was beautiful and he felt it kind of tingling through him.

After another ten minutes or so, Fea stood up, walking quietly out the back towards the gardens to go walk around. Kyo didn't move, hardly looked like he was even breathing, though watching his stomach showed that, thankfully, he was. Tourist and worshipers alike filtered in and out, the bells at the altars and the large one outside ringing now and again.

Die didn't even notice anything going on around him for almost a full half an hour. After a long time, he quietly unwound himself and stood up, going around the temple, looking around the whole thing before going all the way to the back and making sure it was okay to take a photo, sending it to Kaoru without any words attached.

Kaoru got the photo and stared at it, confused, curled up on the couch watching TV with Makoto in his lap. For whatever reason, he started to cry, blinking away tears a typing back _What are you praying for?_ He himself had spent nearly every waking moment since he started his recovery in prayer, in constant conversation with God, in his own way, trying to stay grounded and have hope. He was curious what Die was doing in a temple.

Stepping out into the garden, Die got the reply to the photo. Biting his lip, he ran his hand through his hair and then replied. _I meditated, actually. It was really, really soothing._

 _Mm. It's good you're getting to clear your head._

Fea was at the back of the garden, strolling around a small koi pond, Kyo coming out behind Die a few minutes later.

"Just let me know when you're ready to go, I'm done here." His voice was soft and smooth, calmer than usual, and he walked along the wooden path to Fea to inform him that he was done.

"Okay," Die murmured softly. "Just let me do one round of the garden and then I'll be ready." Wandering off, he texted back. _How're you doing?_

 _I don't really know. I'm trying to just keep moving forward, and I'm starting to accept how serious all of this is, but I'm still too scared to deal with it, and really depressed. I cry all the time, and worry. All I do is pray and it really only takes the edge off._ He shifted and hugged Makoto to his chest. _I want you back more than anything, but I'm afraid it would only be to lose you again._

_Stop worrying so much. I love you, Kaoru... and I'm coming home. I gave you the rules I have and if you follow them, you won't lose me, Kaoru._

_You know I always worry, I can't help it. The thought of losing you for good is worse than the thought of dying._ It was the only benefit to the entire situation, that at least while he was wallowing in depression over Die, he wasn't thinking about the tumor.

Die paused and then bit his lip, sighing softly. _I don't want to lose you, either._

_I'm sorry, I'll stop being such a downer. I love you. Have a good time._

_I love you, too, baby._

Kyo waved at Die from the corner of the temple, gesturing him over so they could get their shoes.

Slowly he put his phone back in his pocket, wondering what he would be walking back into as he headed back to Kyo and Fea, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

Kyo turned and started back across the park as Die joined them, seeming incredibly relaxed. "Clairen's getting dropped off at the studio. She's not in a very good mood, apparently, so I'm thinking about taking her to ice cream after, before we go back to the house."

"I could sincerely go for some ice cream right now." Die offered a little smile.

Kyo nodded. "Hopefully she'll get out of her funk and not refuse ice cream. There's a Coldstone right down the street from my apartment." Fea, walking a little ahead of them, hailed a cab, sliding all the way across the seat and giving the address for the studio to the driver.

Die let Fea slide in before he did, figuring he shouldn't hog Kyo. Carefully, he settled down in the seat and crossed one leg over the other, remaining quiet, contemplating what all Kaoru was talking about.

Figuring they were safe enough in the cab, Kyo discreetly slipped his hand onto Fea's knee, the other's long, pale fingers sliding down to squeeze over Kyo's, who smiled softly, if not a little sadly, rubbing the older man's fingers with his thumb.

Die didn't miss the gesture and he felt a sincere wave of jealousy wash through him, though it was more over the fact that he had no idea how long it would be before he and Kaoru managed to get back to anything like that and he could only imagine it would be a while.

The inside of the cab was silent other than the radio softly playing up front with the cabbie, who knew the way around LA and wasn't dicking around on them, getting them to the studio in just over half an hour. 

Kyo patted Die's knee before sliding out of the car, Fea looking around and then spotting a black rental car a few spots down, going over to it. A tall woman with light brown hair in a bun and a business suit got out of the driver's side and a little girl with bouncy dark curls and a yellow bag with a bright red strawberry on it stepped out from the passenger side. She was particularly pouty and immediately hugged onto Fea's leg, the tall man exchanging what looked like some rather tense words with the woman before she got back in the car and drove off.

Kyo sighed, watching as Fea bent down and picked Clairen up, hugging her tightly. "Him and Ross are supposedly pretty good about being civil with one another for her sake, but shit gets tense when he's with men, and it gets Clairen all bent out of shape and upset." 

Fea headed back up the street towards them, rolling his eyes. "She knows exactly how to push my buttons, I swear," he grumbled, before jutting out the hip he was supporting his daughter on and smoothing a hand over her hair. "Are you going to be polite and say hello to Kyo and Die?" The little girl sniffed and hid her face against his chest, peeking out at them and managing a wave. 

Die didn't have long to sulk around, finding that even the sight of the little girl gave him an injection of happy. He smiled happily at the little girl when Fea brought her over to them. Peering at her, he peeked up into her face, having to get close to Fea to do it. "Hey, sweetie. What's up? I'm Die."

Clairen hid her face behind her hand and Fea chuckled, kissing her hair. "She's being mopey right now." He reached for the studio door and pulled it open, making his way through the building and finding the unused room with the grand. Kyo followed behind him, waving Die to come with. Once inside, Fea set the little girl down and she looked at the piano, asking a question with her hands. Fea simply nodded and looked at Kyo, who sat down at the bench and uncovered the keys while Fea lifted the lid. Clairen shuffled over to stand right against the body and Kyo began to play off the top of his head; Moonlight Sonata. Clairen put one hand on the wood to feel it vibrate, watching the hammers hit the keys while tugging at her hair with the other.

Die followed them in, watching when the little girl started signing to Fea and he paled slightly. He'd completely forgotten Fea had said she was mostly deaf. Feeling really embarrassed, he just kind of hung out against the wall, arms around his waist while he listened to Kyo, too embarrassed to really look up for the time being. Part of him wanted to apologize and part of him felt like that would be even stupider than behaving like a jackass in the first place. He just figured he'd keep his mouth shut and not make an ass of himself even more for the time being.

Kyo looked back at him, cocking a brow. _Don't be so mopey. I'm playing for you, remember?_ He turned back to the keys and started playing something a bit slower with a jazzy big-band sound. Clairen started to bob a little, leaning her temple on her hand resting on the piano and looking at Kyo, who winked at her. Fea slid onto the bench beside the blonde and listened for a while before starting to play the lower chords, Kyo shifting up a little, smirking as they started to play off each other. Fea made funny faces at Clairen, finally getting a little smile out of her, both of them continuing to play.

 _Sorry, I just feel like a jackass for forgetting she's mostly deaf._ He shifted away from the wall though, coming to stand on the other side of the piano from Clairen, squatting down and watching Kyo as he played. When Fea joined in, Die shifted a bit to watch them both, wishing he could remember the one year of piano he'd had in school.

The improvisation drifted more and more away from the original starting point, both of them going in different directions until it started to sound rather terrible, Kyo laughing and pulling his hands back from the keys. Fea blushed and looked at him, pressed up against his side. "Cole Porter." 

Kyo thought for a moment, then nodded, Fea moving back off the bench to let Kyo settle in the middle. He scratched his chin, then placed his hands back on the keys and started playing a rather lounge feeling arrangement of "Night & Day." Clairen swayed a little, smiling.

Die laughed along with Kyo, shaking his head. They were so perfect for one another and it was clear as day. Maybe he'd had some regrets knowing Kyo was officially off-limits to him, probably forever and ever. But watching them, he couldn't help but feel like it was a match that was meant to be and that maybe he'd ended up out here to show him that his only other option was very happily taken. It was maybe a bad way to be thinking about it and he knew if Kaoru ever knew he'd even had that thought, it'd break his heart. But another part of him honestly couldn't really care because he'd been broken so hard himself.

Things would be different, for certain. Going home was apt to be an experience in and of itself, though hopefully not something he'd regret.

Kyo looked at Die, smirking, continuing to play. "Is it weird seeing me play jazz and classical?" His band certainly always found it an odd disconnect, used to him banging against the keys savagely to create typically experimental sounds, not old crooner songs and sonatas. 

Clairen wandered over and sat down next to Kyo on the bench, watching him play and then reaching to play two notes alternately, keeping an eye on him to stay in rhythm. Kyo's eyes lit up and he nodded to encourage her.

"Not odd... but... different." Die smiled though, showing he was more than happy to be getting such a show. Die quieted when Clairen got in on it, just shifting to sit cross-legged on the floor.

Clairen watched Kyo's hands and started playing three notes, then one note alternating with two played together. Fea's eyes were huge, watching her with his hands over his mouth. She was full of surprises; he knew she could feel the vibration and hear a little, but he could tell from watching her she was playing by watching Kyo and applying it to what she knew of chords from sitting and watching Fea play ever since she was a baby. When she became too ambitious with a three-note chord, Kyo reached over and corrected her, playing the right chord once, then going back, and she righted herself and kept playing, giggling a little.

Kyo finished out the song and Clairen clapped loudly, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging into his side, Kyo blushing fiercely and hugging one arm back around her. She looked back at her father and signed something brief. Fea shook his head and hugged her from behind, kneeling down between his daughter and Kyo, both of them signing for a moment before Fea looked at Die. "She says she's sorry for being rude. She fought with her mom today and her hearing aid has been hurting her, so she's been grumpy." Clairen spun around on the stool and sat facing Die, shy little eyes looking him over before she stuck out her little hand.

Die thought it was honestly adorable and he wondered for a moment if Asako would like to watch him play the guitar. Honestly, he wished he had his guitar for the time being. He smiled at the little girl and reached for her hand, shaking it before very carefully signing out the letters for _it is okay_ one at a time. He didn't know shortcut signs, but he knew most of the letters of the alphabet still, though a few he couldn't recall. Then after a moment, he tried again. _My name is Die._ It was slow going and he lacked the subtleties, but he at least did well enough he hoped he was going to be understood.

Clairen watched him, giggling a little behind her hand. She shook her head and pointed at him, then made a "D" and traced her forefinger from her temple down to her chin. Fea smirked. "That's her shorthand for you now." He watched her little fingers explain. "She says she picked it because you're pretty." He ruffled her hair and Kyo tapped her arm, getting her attention. He finger-spelled out "ice cream" and gave her a questioning look, getting an emphatic nod in return.

Kyo smiled and covered the keys, moving to let the lid of the piano back down. "Maybe I'll play some more when we get home. I think the munchkin needs some ice cream."

Die grinned, quickly signing out _sweet_ , feeling a little more comfortable since that he hadn't fucked up yet. "Ice cream. I want some mint chocolate chip."

Clairen hopped off the bench and picked her bag up again, taking Fea's hand as they left the studio and went back out onto the street. 

Kyo smiled at Die, quietly uttering out through his teeth, "This whole thing scares the shit out of me."

Die tilted his head a little, walking close to him, but not too close. _Because he's got a kid and she likes you or what?_

Fea hailed a cab, Kyo nodding a little. _Yeah, because he has a kid. It makes it already feel really serious and easier to get attached to him and I'm terrified. I don't know how to do this._

Fea got in the front seat, Clairen looking at Kyo and he slid into the far side of the seat, letting her get in the middle.

 _But maybe it'll show you if you can do this. I mean, you two seem amazing together._ He slid in last, crossing his legs and rubbing his palms over his thighs.

 _I hope so._ Clairen pulled out a little note pad and a sparkly purple crayon as the cab started to go, writing down in it "Do I get to stay at your house?" and showing it to Kyo. He smiled a little and nodded. She smiled a little more and then wrote "Can I watch movies?"

Kyo chuckled a little, putting an arm around her and making sure she was looking at his mouth, slowly speaking, "You can do whatever you want."

Die chuckled. "Careful. Kids can get inventive." He smirked, knowing full well he had been one of those kids.

Kyo laughed and rolled his eyes. "I think I'm pretty safe with her."

Fea turned around and squeezed Clairen's knee. "Are you feeling any better?" She lifted her hand and rocked it back and forth in a so-so gesture. He pursed his lips and patted her leg. "I'm sorry, baby."

Die watched for a moment before shifting a bit and murmuring, "Can I take a pic of all of you to send to Kaoru?"

Fea smirked and asked Clairen if it was okay with his hands. She looked at Die a little funnily, then shrugged. Fea chuckled at her. "Sure, when we get out, I'll make her pose for you."

Die chuckled. "All three of you... together." He bit his lip a little and hoped that was still okay.

Kyo looked a little shocked, but no one said anything to contest this idea, Fea sitting back in the seat and waiting for them to arrive at the ice cream parlor by Kyo's apartment. When they arrived, he paid and got out, opening the door and waiting for Die to slide out, reaching for Clairen's hand. Kyo got out behind them and bit his lip, looking around. There was a large potted plant by one of the tables on the sidewalk and he gestured to it. "I guess we can take the picture over there."

Fea nodded and walked over with Clairen, kneeling beside her, arm around her, Kyo standing just a head above her and putting his hand on her shoulder, managing a little smile.

Die slid out and wandered over to the plant, carefully arranging himself and his phone with the lighting and the three of them to take the photo. _Stop being so nervous. I think it's a sweet picture._ Waiting for a moment, he carefully took two pictures, the second one much better before he waved them toward the ice cream shop. "All done!"

Kyo made a little face and followed Fea and Clairen in, sighing at Die. "It's just weird... and complicated. I know her mom hates me by principle alone."

He shrugged. "Who cares what her mother thinks of you. What matters is what Fea and Clairen think of you."

Kyo sighed, getting in line behind his lover. _Because it causes tension for them, that's why it matters. She's upset because Fea and Ross have been fighting about me._ He bit his lip a little and then leaned forward, touching Fea's arm. "I'm paying."

 _Well she needs to get the fuck over herself._ He came to stand in line and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Kyo actually laughed a little, hitting Die in the side gently. He knelt down beside Clairen and spoke directly into her right ear. "What are you getting?" 

She turned and bit her lip, big, honey brown eyes sparkling at him, then pointed up at the menu board. "Toffee," she answered in an airy, nasally voice and Kyo followed her finger, spotting a toffee sundae with coffee and hazelnut ice cream and bits of Heath bar.

"Oooh, that looks good." He smoothed a hand over her curly hair and smiled, Fea watching them, an odd look in his eyes, something between peaceful and sad.

Die watched them and grinned, ordering a double scoop of mint chocolate chip in a chocolate chip waffle cone and then moving on down the line quickly while one of the two people behind the counter quickly fixed it and put it out for him, turning their attention directly to Clairen.

Fea ordered for her, picking her up so she could watch them chop up the toppings and fold them into her ice cream before ordering himself a raspberry sherbet with white chocolate chips added to it. Kyo quietly asked for just a small cup of butter pecan and moved down to pay, putting a five dollar bill in the tip jar and jumping a little when a girl mixing Fea's ice cream noticed and shouted, "Dollar dollar tip!" which all the employees answered. He looked around, confused, then paid, passing out the ice creams and then moving back outside and sitting at the table on the side walk, Clairen sitting down beside him.

Die ended up giggling when the employees started up their short chant. Following them out, he plopped down in the remaining seat, concentrating on his ice cream.

Fea bit his lip, looking at Clairen between himself and Kyo and getting that odd feeling again. He nudged her arm a little and asked if it was good. She nodded with the spoon stuck in her mouth, putting it down and then looking at Kyo, touching her chin and then gesturing out. He shrugged with a tiny smile. "You're welcome."

Die smiled. _Yes, thank you,_ he told Kyo in his head. It took him a lot of effort to not be licking away at his ice cream in a lewd way, since he normally would have.

Fea ate for a while, occasionally poking at Clairen or tickling her and signing a few words, making her giggle or roll her eyes. When she was absorbed in scooping out the last few bites, he looked at Die. "I can take her back to the hotel, if you want. I know you came here to spend time with Kyo, I feel like I'm intruding on that."

Die blinked at him and then shook his head. "I like kids. Besides, if anyone is intruding, it's me."

He rocked his head back and forth shrugging. "Alright. I just... didn't want to bore you both with kids' movies and games of go fish."

Kyo sighed, looking across the table at him. "I like her. I like you. Die's okay with it, and so am I, now stop worrying and... finish your ice cream." A crooked smirk pulled at one side of his mouth and he finished his treat, tossing the cup and spoon into the garbage can behind him. Clairen did the same, pulling out her pad again and a sparkly blue crayon this time, writing another note, this time to Die.  
"Who did you take the picture of us for?"

Die read the note and chuckled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pen and writing his answer. _My boyfriend, Kaoru._ He smiled a little and pushed the pad back over to her. He didn't want to go flailing around signing with one hand full of ice cream.

She tilted her head after reading the note, jotting back, "What's he look like?"

Die read the note and then fished his phone out, flicking through photos until he found a child-friendly picture of him and Kaoru, handing her the phone to look at.

She took it in both hands, looking at the picture for a long while before handing it back with a little nod. Before she could pick her crayon up again to interrogate Die some more, Fea stood and stretched, picking up her bag and tapping her shoulder. "Come on, sweetie, Kyo's place is right up this way."

Die chuckled softly, closing his phone and finishing off his ice cream. As soon as he was done, he opened his phone again and quickly sent the better picture to Kaoru. _The kid is Fea's daughter. She's mostly deaf. Adorable._

Clairen waited for Die, Kyo and Fea already strolling slowly up towards the apartment building. She reached for his hand expectantly, lifting her eyebrows a little. There was something about her that seemed much more like an adult than a child. 

Kaoru texted back almost immediately. _Wow. They look like the perfect little family._ He'd wanted to say something about he hoped one day they'd have something like that, but he kept it to himself, judging it a potential damper.

Die took her hand more than willingly, smiling at her. At the reply, he showed it to her, letting her read it and then put the phone away signing to her. _Do you think you all could be that way?_

It took her a moment to interpret Die's finger spelling, then she shrugged, taking out her note pad again and bracing it against a wall. "I like Kyo. Daddy likes Kyo." She held it up for him to read.

Die smiled, nodding and then taking her hand again, continuing after Kyo and Fea.

Clairen tucked the notepad under her arm and went into the building, getting into the elevator with them and following up to Kyo's apartment. Once inside she looked around, setting her bag down by the couch, looking out the glass doors at the city. "Pretty," she hummed.

Die let go of her hand once they were in the apartment. Smiling, he immediately headed toward the bathroom, slipping inside and quietly sitting on the toilet, pulling his phone out to text Kaoru while he was tinkling. _They are so adorable. I hope one day we can have a child... I really do._

_That would be wonderful, just so long as they get your looks. ;)_

_I'd like them to have both of our looks._ He finished up and put his phone down, wiping, flushing, adjusting his pants and packer, and then washed up. Grabbing his phone again, he headed back out to find everyone else.

Kyo was in the kitchen making tea - Clairen had asked if he had any kind of foods from Japan and his jasmine tea was the first thing he'd thought of - while Fea sat with Clairen in his lap, flipping through the satellite channels looking for something she wanted to watch.

Die wandered into the kitchen, coming in and hopping up on the counter, settling there and smiling. "Jasmine tea?" he asked after he sniffed the air.

Kyo shrugged. "Clairen has a Japanese fascination; I think it helps with us getting along. She asked if I had any food or something from Japan, and I brought this tea back with me this trip, so..."

Die smiled, swinging his legs a little. "Sounds like it really is helpful."

Kyo added a little raw sugar to the pot and then poured hot water from the kettle over the loose tea leaves in the strainer. "There's cups behind you, would you mind getting some down?"

Die squirmed around on the counter and opened the cabinet and put down four cups on the counter with a soft giggle. "We get Kyo tea."

Kyo quirked a brow, setting the cups out and leaning back against the counter to let the tea steep a while. "Did you huff nitrous in the bathroom?" he teased, looking into the living room to see Clairen and Fea watching Planet Earth. "...I haven't told him yet. Neither of us has said it. I think we're both a little scared."

"Nope, I did not." He watched him, biting his lip for a moment before murmuring, "That you love him?"

"Yeah..." He bit his lip, worrying at it. "What was it like? For you, I mean."

Die shrugged a little. "I didn't know for a while that I was in love... and even after I knew, I waited a while to tell him. I wanted to be sure." He shrugged a little, just reaching out and drawing Kyo between his legs, just resting his hands on the other's shoulders. "If you know... don't wait. Don't lose time like I did, Kyo. Please."

Kyo sighed, hugging Die around the waist. "What if I freak him out? What if he's not there yet?"

Die shrugged a little. "Kaoru told me before I was sure. It wasn't a bad thing. I just told him I'd return it when I felt it. There was nothing wrong with that."

The blonde made a face, pulling away and putting the pot and cups onto a tray, carrying it into the living room and setting it on the coffee table. Clairen looked curiously at it, Kyo pouring her a cup first. She took it between both hands and smiled, putting her nose over the rim and smelling it before taking a sip. Fea took his cup next with a little nod of thanks before Kyo poured another cup and took it to Die.

Die just remained on the counter for a moment, running his hand through his hair and thinking if he'd said the wrong thing. He probably had, but he didn't know what to say.

Kyo tilted his head at him. "Are you gonna come watch Planet Earth with us? It's the one on deserts."

Die looked up, blinking at him and then nodding. "Yeah, I will." He pushed off the counter and took his cup. "Sorry... I'm still just kinda moody." Making a little face, he murmured, "Gonna smoke, then I'll be in, okay?"

Kyo looked him over, then shrugged. "Okay." He went to pour himself some tea and settle in the recliner, curling up with the blanket tossed over the back of it.

Die slipped out on the patio, fishing out and lighting up a cigarette. He took in a long drag and leaned against the railing, looking out over LA.

From inside, soft laughter over a joke Fea had spun from a strange commercial issued before Die's phone buzzed in his pocket; a text from Kaoru. _I know this is going to sound odd, but in that little line to me you sent your love with... can you also send horny, and are you doing it now?_

Die pulled his phone out and then stared at it. He tilted his head and blinked at it before sticking the cigarette in his mouth and texting back. _I've been kind of aroused since the meds kicked in. So... maybe? I'm sorry, I didn't know I could transfer that. Forgive me?_ He flushed slightly and sent the text, smoking needily at his cigarette, feeling kind of awkward.

 _I'm not complaining. With the stress and everything, I haven't even been able to get it up in the last few days, and all of a sudden, I'm really fucking horny._ Kaoru wasn't so sure this was something that was okay to share with Die yet, but, he'd been drinking a little bit and he was, indeed, hard as a rock and needy.

Die bit his lip, glancing in and seeing that all three of the others were obviously absorbed in the show. He downed half the cup of tea and stubbed out his cigarette before making his way through the apartment to the bedroom he was borrowing. Slipping inside, he closed and locked the door, thinking to Kyo, _Turn the volume up... I need a few minutes alone._ Plopping down on the bed, he fell back against the fluffiness of the pillows and comforter, texting Kaoru back. _I'm alone... we could do something about it._

Kyo bit the inside of his lip hard enough to taste blood so he didn't laugh, reaching to turn the TV up a little more, then realizing the one person who it was particularly inappropriate to have hear anything Die might do was reading captions. He shrugged and put the remote down.

Kaoru, on the other hand, felt a little like he'd bitten off more than he could chew, not sure exactly how to _take care of it_ on the phone with a boyfriend he was currently walking on thin ice with. Taking a deep breath, he pushed his underwear down under his balls and took a picture down his stomach of his cock resting against the tattoo of lilies. _How exactly are we going to take care of this?_

Die almost purred the moment he got the photo of Kaoru's dick. Lust spiraled through him and immediately his hips pushed up a little. Putting his phone aside, he dug around in his bag for a minute before realizing he hadn't brought anything to get off with and he really wanted something _in_ him right then. Flopping back on the bed, he tried hard not to whine, not wanting to put his fingers down there still, especially not with someone whose smell was probably better than his own in the other room. Quickly, he texted back. _Imagine it's my hand on your dick, Kaoru... I wish you were here. I want you in me so bad._

Sending it, he wondered if he could ask Kyo if he had a vibrator he didn't mind him using, but he couldn't quite work up the nerve.

Kaoru bit his lip, hard, writhing slowly on the rug in the guest room, stroking himself almost teasingly. He tapped out with the thumb of his unoccupied hand, _I miss being inside you, baby. You always feel so amazing._

After a few moments, Die thought hard at Kyo. _Do you have a condom and a toy you don't mind me using?_ His face burned red. Quickly, he texted to Kaoru. _I want you, baby, so bad. I'm so wet._

Kaoru stared at the text, somehow feeling awkward, but still aroused, firing back _I'm so hard it hurts. I miss the way your skin feels._

On the off chance Kyo would try to bring him something, he got up and unlocked the door, then went back to flop on the bed. After a few moments, he smirked at the text and replied. _I wish I could suck you._ Licking his lips, he closed his eyes.

Kyo somehow kept together, not laughing and not answering Die, just getting up and going into his bedroom, finding a dildo and a condom, wrapping the toy in a towel and going to the guest room and cracking the door, tossing both in the general direction of the bed.

A moment later, he yelped as Kyo's thrown dildo smacked him in the thigh. Chuckling, he picked it up and got up to grab the condom that had landed a few feet from the bed as well. Locking the door again, he undid his pants and shoved them down, crawling on the bed naked from the waist down. Carefully, he spread the towel out under him and opened the condom, rolling it over the dildo before spreading his legs and slowly pushing it inside him with a strangled moan that he couldn't help at all.

Kaoru bit his lip, trying to slow down and take his time. He read the text and groaned, tossing the phone down and getting up, yanking his shirt off and kicking off his pants, going naked to the bedroom to dig out some lube and returning to the rug on the floor, pouring some of the slick liquid over his cock and starting to stroke again. _I've had this urge to worship you lately; touch you all over and eat you out for hours. I love how you taste._

Die slowly fucked himself with the dildo for a minute before taking a short video of himself and sending it to Kaoru. With that done, he shifted slightly and bit his lip, reading the next text. _I miss it... a lot._ He sent the text and settled back, going ahead and fucking himself harder with the dildo, arching into it with a soft cry of pleasure.

Kaoru received the second text first, giving a little sigh at it and slowing down his hand. _I'll do it as soon as you get home if you want. I'll do it until you beg me to stop._ The video came in and took a moment to play, a moan leaving him. Just under three weeks without Die's familiar body felt like eons and he played the video again, jerking himself in time to Die plunging the toy into himself. Finding the camera on his phone, he took a short video of himself, thumb playing over the head for a minute, moaning a little and hoping the microphone caught it before he stored and sent to Die, laying his head back and closing his eyes, trying to pull all of Die he could from his memories and put him back together in his mind, imagining being inside his lover's body.

Die smiled at the text, plunging the dildo inside and rolling over onto his belly, pushing his legs close together and slowly grinding down against the mattress, walls clenching around the dildo. Familiar heat pooled down below as he quickly texted back. _God... so close._ He'd barely sent it when the video text followed and he pressed play without hesitation. The image of Kaoru jerking off filled his screen and Die couldn't help the moan that bubbled up, his hips jerking harshly, the dildo moving a little in and out with each movement.

Pressing play again, he moved onto his knees, reaching back and grabbing the dildo from behind, shoving it almost violently into himself as he stared at the screen. It wasn't even but a few more seconds before he lost it, bliss surging through his body, wetness pulsing out around the dildo as he sagged down onto the bed again, panting, not even having realized he'd cried out rather loudly when he'd cum.

Kaoru read the text and couldn't even reply, taking another video, his hand a blur over his cock, hips tensing up, and then he was cumming, making a mess over his stomach. He panted and melted against the floor, phone still recording, so he turned it around to face himself, kissing at the camera before storing the video and sending it to Die.

When his phone buzzed again, Die wiped his hand off on the towel and watched the video, quietly turning over and then switching to video himself, first showing his flushed, relaxed face and then moving down his body to where he slowly extracted the dildo, the mess he'd made on the towel more than obvious. At the last, he murmured, "I love you, Kaoru," before saving and sending the video off. Getting up, he did his best to clean up and get dressed again, feeling far less frustrated than before.

Kaoru lay limply on the floor, playing the video. He had to play it again to make sure he'd heard right. For whatever reason, the words made sadness wash over him, feeling alone and full of self-hatred that he wouldn't be missing Die right now if he'd not been such an asshole and practically lost his mind. He shed a few tears and opened a text. _I miss you so much._

Die wrapped the dildo in the towel and quietly exited the room, heading into the bathroom where he closed the door and disposed of the condom in the trash before using soap and water on the dildo, putting the used towel in the hamper. He moved to wash his hands, finishing up just as the text came in. He gave it a sad little smile. _I miss you, too, Kaoru. I mean that. I miss you a shit-ton._ Sending it, he exited the bathroom and came into the living room, settling down on the floor at Kyo's feet.

Kyo smiled at him, curling his bare toes over the edge of the cushion. He shifted around and reached to finger-comb Die's hair, then started putting little braids in it, just playing with it. Clairen took notice, eyes flickering from the TV to the two of them. After a moment, she got up and went to sit down in front of Die, Fea raising a brow at her.

Die just relaxed back against the couch, letting Kyo work. When Clairen moved to sit in between his legs, he couldn't help the smile, reaching and gently combing through her hair with his fingers before he set upon making tiny braids as well, his eyes glittering happily.

Fea watched for a moment, a little curious that his usually very shy, somewhat prissy daughter was taking to Die so well. He took it as a good thing, though, and stretched his long body out on the couch, his own long hair getting pulled out from under him and spread over the arm of the couch, trailing to the floor as he used the arm as a pillow.

Die finished up four braids before he shifted to another part of her hair, feeling at home like this, wondering if this was how it would feel to have a family with Kaoru if they managed to patch things up well enough.

Kyo took out the little braids and gathered up the top half of Die's hair, braiding it all and tying it off with a hair band from around his wrist. He smiled at his work before climbing out of the chair and padding over to Fea, his lover shifting around to let him lay between him and the back of the couch, rubbing his back. Clairen just sat between Die's legs, tilting her head a little as he braided it, reading the captions as the next episode came on, this time about forests.

It took him the next forty five minutes before he was done with putting tons of little braids into her hair. Finishing off the last one, he leaned back a little more and gently tugged her back to cradle her against his chest, one arm around her waist, a contented look on his face.

Clairen let herself be pulled back, resting against Die. Kyo was practically asleep in Fea's arms, lazily tracing his fingers over the lines of the other's tattoos. When the show ended and another about balloon factories started, Fea sat up a little, making Kyo sit up with him. "So what are the sleeping arrangements gonna be?" 

Kyo thought for a minute, shrugging. "I guess maybe you and Clairey take my bed, and I'll either crash on the couch or share with Die."

Die glanced up, nodding a bit. "I don't mind sharing. It's a huge bed." The tone on the last part pretty much told Fea he'd be keeping his hands to himself.

Fea nodded, rubbing Kyo's arm. "I think I'm gonna put her in a bath, then. I'll let her stay up 'til ten if she wants, but if I don't get her in a bath before she gets sleepy, it's hell for me." He stood up and went to kneel by Clairen, signing and speaking. "Bath time?" She looked up at him and made a face, hugging Die's arm around her like it was securing her away from having to take a bath. Fea tried again. "Please?"

Finally, she gave in, extracting herself from Die and padding after Fea toward the bathroom.

Kyo watched them go, then patted the couch beside himself, muting the TV. "Come sit with me."

When Kyo patted the couch, Die debated for a moment before crawling up and settling down next to him. After a minute, he murmured, "Sorry about earlier. Kaoru messaged me and I just couldn't take it anymore." He figured Kyo kind of knew anyway, so it was pointless to hedge around the truth.

Kyo chuckled a little. "Did it go well, or was it awkward after?"

"I didn't feel awkward... though, he didn't really reply to my last message, so... I dunno if it was for him." He made a little face. "I hope it wasn't."

Kyo shrugged. "I'm sure in some way it probably is. I mean, he's treading on thin ice around you. I'm sure for a while, everything will be awkward, because he'll be on his toes not to fuck anything up."

Die nodded a little. "I guess so. I suppose it's better than if he just plunged right back in and pushed me away with some idiocy. I just hope he doesn't push me away because he's afraid he'll fuck it up." Shrugging slightly, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes again. "Fuck!" He sat up, blushing furiously. "Fea's gonna choke me. I forgot the dildo in the bathroom after I washed it!"

Kyo's eyes went wide and he dove off the couch, running to the bathroom. Thankfully, Clairen was already in the tub and hadn't seen a thing. Fea gave Kyo a look and pointed to where he'd tossed the dildo in the hamper quickly before she could notice anything. "I like him," he said in a quiet voice, "but he's kind of weird."

Kyo rubbed his hands over his face and shook his head, picking up the whole hamper. "He's not weird, just kind of stupid." He took the clothes out, put the dildo back in his safely away hidden in the drawer, and then went to wash his clothes, coming back to the living room and shaking his head. "I think I know him well enough to know he's just going to pretend this never happened. Don't worry about it."

Die, thankfully, didn't hear a thing. But he sat there on the couch feeling like a complete dumbfuck. He pushed his hand against his face, rubbing over it when Kyo came back, shaking his head. "I feel like I need to leave for a while. Or go hide out in the bedroom or something." He sighed. "I just keep fucking things up with him. He must think I'm a completely idiotic asshole by now."

Kyo rolled his eyes. "You're just unconventional. He'll get over it. Daddy mode is a lot more prudent than regular Fea. It's kind of cute, actually." He sat down with Die again and pushed a hand into his hair. "So... you said Kaoru asked you to marry him. That's kind of serious. Was it a in-the-heat-of-the-moment thing? Or were you both serious?"

Die sighed softly, nodding a little, though he now felt like a weirdo. He really should have just maybe pretended to get off earlier and not done it. Silently, he swore he wouldn't do it again until he was home... if even then. Kyo redirected the conversation and he blinked over at him. "I'm pretty sure he was serious... I know my answer was... and is."

Kyo scratched his head, looking off into a corner. "Look, I know I shouldn't be trying to influence your opinion, but may I remind you that this is a man you came out here to try and decide if you no longer wanted a relationship with, and your basically engaged to him?"

He nodded a little. "I know... but I'm not happy without him, Kyo. So maybe he fucked up... fine. That means he owes me one, right?"

Kyo sighed. "I want you to do what you think is best. But Die... please. Don't think about it as him owing you one or anything like that. If you go back, go because you love him and you think it can work, not because you love him and it's hard to lose that. It's going to be hard, anyway. I just don't want to see you hurt again." He rubbed his thumb down Die's cheek and made a little face, his muddy eyes sad.

Die nodded, leaning into Kyo's touch. "I know... I just... I feel like not going back would be the mistake. All I can do is do what I feel is right. If it hurts me, then it's only my own fault for going back."

Kyo sighed, leaning his head on Die's shoulder. "I'm just saying to make sure you're going back for the right reasons. Not _just_ because you love him, and not just because it's hard not to." His finger rubbed inside Die's elbow and he sighed. "I want him to be good to you, give you what you deserve, and I know he wants that, too. But fuck, he's got a lot of baggage, especially now. If it came down to it... I mean, worst case scenario... do you even think you could handle it?"

Die shook his head. "No. But it'll come down to dealing with it if it does. I just hope it doesn't... and I know hope is frail, but it's what I've got."

"I really hope it doesn't come to that. I know it would break you apart. I hope the best for you. I hope you can have a long, happy life together, with kids and dogs and inside jokes, the works. But... right now... I mean, I told you. This is the one thing I could never forgive. But I guess I admire that you have the compassion to be able to."

"I don't know why... I just can't let it go at that. I mean... we kind of were separated and I know he was higher than a kite. And quite frankly, I'd be less hurt if it were a girl... as little sense as that makes. So the way I figure it, I'm not making sense feeling less bad or more bad based on gender. I'll give him this one. If he ever fucks up again, I'm done. I have huge amounts of patience, but it's almost gone. You know?"

Kyo shrugged a little. "I can understand the patience wearing thin. There's only so much you can take." He gave an odd little grunt and crossed his arms, still leaning on Die. "I still think agreeing to marry him is a little extreme, but... if it's what you really want, I can't really spit on it."

"We agreed it would only be if he's dying. Otherwise we're still gonna wait a few years. I think it's fair enough."

Kyo could only shrug, getting up and taking the tea tray back into the kitchen, returning with two cream sodas and handing one to Die. "I'm talking to some people right now to try and get you to do an album sleeve. They want a full theme, with the lyrics pages worked into art and stuff. Once they've got a better idea of what they want, exactly, I'll get them to contact you."

Die accepted the soda and smiled happily. "You know... you're so good to me. I never thought I could have such an amazing friend until I met you. You're one of the best things that's ever happened to me."

Kyo didn't answer, just pulled Die's arm around him and curled up, flipping the channel to a special about the sects of India, cracking open his soda and taking a sip.

Die smiled a little, tucking Kyo closer against him and settled back against the couch, blinking languidly.

After another half an hour or so, Clairen wandered back in, her hair still in the little braids, wet, and wearing a lemon yellow night gown. She twirled it a little to show it off before climbing onto the couch beside Kyo, blinking at the screen. Kyo hit the button on the remote to turn the captions back on and she smiled at him. Fea cleaned up after all her splashing in the bathroom and then came and squeezed onto the last spot on the couch, putting his arm over the back of it, playing with Kyo's hair, his daughter snuggling up against his side, her legs over Kyo's lap.

Die would have felt somewhat awkward once Clairen and Fea came back, but he was too comfortable with Kyo next to him to honestly want to move, so he pushed the feeling down and tried to forget about it.

There was comfortable silence for the rest of the program, Kyo rubbing Clairen's little feet, Fea rubbing Kyo's hair or shoulder. When a commercial break started, Fea shifted slightly and got up as carefully as he could, scooping a soundly sleeping Clairen up. "I'm gonna take her to bed," he whispered, leaning over and kissing Kyo. "Night, boys." He carried her off and Kyo sighed, nuzzling up against Die more. "We've got to be up early tomorrow for the tattoo session. Do you want to go ahead and call it a night, too?"

Die had finished off his cream soda by the time Fea got up. He nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess we should. So I assume for large sessions, there'll be breaks for the bathroom and whatnot?"

Kyo nodded, getting up and going to put the rest of his soda back in the fridge. "Oh yeah, definitely. I mean, he'll need breaks, too."

Die got up and stretched. "Good, good..." He headed off toward the bedroom and then paused. "I guess I should shower, huh?"

Kyo nodded, turning off the TV and the lights. "There's a back brush under the sink if you want to get it all exfoliated and such for tomorrow. I'm gonna go ahead and hit the sack."

Die nodded. "Okay, will do. Thank you." He slipped into the bedroom and grabbed his red PJs before going to the bathroom and closing the door. He turned on the shower and found the back brush, not hesitating with quickly going through the motions of the shower, making sure he was really clean.

With that done, he dried off and headed back to the bedroom, a small hand towel draped over one shoulder trying to catch the water from his hair.

Kyo was already curled up on one side of the bed, reading Cat's Cradle in a Christian Death T-shirt that was at last three sizes too big for him. The only lights on were the two bedside lamps.

Die chuckled softly, shutting the door and crawling onto the bed, under the covers. "Hnn," he let out.

Kyo finished his page and put the marker between the pages, closing the book and setting it on the night stand, giving a lavish stretch before flipping off the light. He rolled over and snuggling against the pillow, looking sleepy and rather boyish. "I warn you now, I'm a bed hogger."

Die gave a little laugh. "I'm kinda a snuggler." He tugged the covers up and flopped onto his stomach, pushing his arms under the covers in an attempt to keep himself in one spot most of the night.

Kyo chuckled. "It's all good. Just don't be offended or get any ideas if I happen to stab you in the back with morning wood."

Die blushed a bit. "I won't be offended and how about I promise not to do anything about the ideas I'll probably get ‘cause I'm a pervert?"

Kyo smirked, rubbing his face into the pillow. "Same difference. Night."

"Night," he murmured, snuggling down in the bed some more and yawning before closing his eyes and allowing himself to drift off.

**To Be Continued…**


	51. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More super un-realistic tattooing times and techniques... I didn't know any better to be able to correct it back then (like 3 years ago) and now it's too late since I don't work with lumineaux_xx anymore.  
> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan

Kyo was usually an early riser, the sun usually what woke him up, but the guest bed was very comfortable and the room had no windows. He was in the middle of the bed, his body sprawled everywhere. His dick, tenting out his boxers, was pressed into something warm, and in his half-asleep state, he couldn't do much else but rub up against it, making sleepy little sounds.

The way Die woke up was admittedly pleasant. The first thing he felt was how his bladder ached for relief and the second was a warm, _hard_ cock pressed against the crack of his ass. He let out a soft moan, his hips pressing back toward the dick he really was enjoying. A little ripple of a shiver ran through his body and he bit his lip, one hand sliding down over his belly. "Please," he whispered out in his still sleep-fogged state, "I need you."

Kyo moved closer, wrapping his arm around Die's waist and pressing close, grinding himself against the other's ass and then stopping. Sleep fogged his brain and he didn't know what was going on, but it didn't feel quite right.

The grinding against him shot pleasure straight down to Die’s groin, the lust sizzling there while he attempted to rub back when it stopped. He let out a soft moan, fingertips slipping below the waistband of his pants to tease at his already engorged clit, tugging lightly on the piercing.

Kyo's eyes shot open and he went stiff, panicked and feeling embarrassed. He stayed frozen there for a moment before licking his lips, starting in a quiet voice, "Uh... Die?"

The moment Kyo's voice registered, Die reacted. Immediately, he scrambled up, getting caught in the covers and taking a nosedive into the floor where he rolled over onto his ass, staring up at the bed wide-eyed. "I thought you were Kaoru, I swear to god. I'm so sorry!"

Kyo's immediately reaction was to try and catch Die, but he failed, rubbing over his face and feeling it flush hot. "No... no, it's okay. I didn't really know what was going on either, sorry... are you alright?"

Die stared up at him, his eyes bright with both arousal and fear. Biting his lip, he slowly got up and crawled back on the bed, sitting near his edge. "Yeah," he murmured, looking flustered. "Shit..." he hissed out, "Fea's gonna kill me."

Kyo rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "No he's not. He's not going to find out, first of all, and it really isn't a big deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go beat off in the shower." Climbing out of the bed, he padded out of the room, starting a shower.

Die couldn't help but watch him walk out of the room, gnawing on his lower lip as he watched. God damn, he was one fine piece of sculpted ass. Getting up, he pushed the door closed and flicked the lock before finding his phone and texting Kaoru. _Please tell me you're awake._

Kaoru's phone buzzed across the floor loudly, stirring him out of a light sleep. He'd only been able to nap, not really sleep, for about a week now. He stared at the text and rubbed his eyes. _I am now. Why? What's wrong?_

 _Nothing's wrong. I'm horny._ He hesitated for a moment and then finished up with: _Was wondering if you would be adverse to me calling you and getting off while I'm on the phone with you._

Kaoru rolled onto his back, biting his lip. _I don't know... Not really, I guess? But I don't know what you'd want me to say._ He was tired and his voice was hoarse with sleep and he wasn't anywhere near horny, but if it was what Die wanted, he'd do it.

Die frowned a little. That didn't sound encouraging. Maybe he'd woken him up too early. Sighing softly, he just texted back. _Never mind. Sorry I woke you up. Sleep well. Love you._ Sending the message, he just got back up and changed quietly into his clothing for the day, unlocking the door when he was done and sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for the shower to turn off so he could go pee.

Kaoru gave a little moan, knowing he'd been too blunt and probably upset Die. _I'm sorry. I'm grumpy in the mornings. I love you, too. When are you coming back?_

 _It's fine. I'll be leaving two days from now._ Come to think of it, he needed to book his flight back. He figured he'd just ask Kyo to use his internet, find out how much it was, ask Kyo to book it and then hand him the cash to cover it.

_It already feels like an eternity. I miss you so much. Just let me know when your flight's supposed to be in, I'll pick you up if you want._

_I'd like that. I'll text you with the time and flight number._ Shifting a little, he wished Kyo had a second bathroom, the strain getting to be a bit much even for him.

Once Kyo had relieved himself of his rather persistent hard-on, he showered quickly and got out, brushing his teeth before going to wake up Fea, a towel wrapped around his waist. Instead, he found a note saying that Fea had taken Clairen to breakfast and would meet them at the tattoo parlor after dropping her off with her mother.

When he heard the door open, Die headed to the bathroom, quickly slipping inside to take a much needed piss. Relieved, he flushed, washed up, and headed back out, going to the living room to find his wallet, lighter and cigarettes. He stepped out on the balcony and lit up, giving a soft sigh. A cigarette was the second best thing to getting off, he supposed.

Kyo came out a few moments later with fresh peach tea, handing Die a mug and lighting his own cigarette. "Wear comfortable pants. Something you'll be alright laying around for hours in. Maybe bring an iPod or something. Fea's gonna meet us there later."

Die glanced back at him and then made a little face. "I supposed I should maybe wear my sweat pants instead of these jeans, huh?" Though his packer would have some issues staying in there without jeans. It tended to shift. He took the mug though and started to sip at it. "You make awesome tea." He yawned a bit.

Kyo chuckled, sitting down and tilting his head back. "Monasteries, man. Killer tea." He sipped a bit more and puffed away, waking up fully. "You'll need to eat, too. Do you want me to try and make you something, or would you like to just eat something real quick on the way?"

"Actually if you have eggs and cheese, I'll make us omelets so you don't have to cook." He tilted his head a little, finishing up his cigarette quickly.

Kyo thought for a second. "I've got some goat cheese, I think. And a can of sliced mushrooms. I'll make toast, too."

Die nodded. "That works. I'll change. You get the ingredients out and a pan and I'll do the rest except the toast." He smiled, slipping inside with his tea, quietly changing into his track pants, just completely forgoing underwear or his packer. For his top, he just had a tank top, so that stayed. Coming back out, he moved to wash his hands in the kitchen sink.

Kyo finished his cigarette and followed, getting everything down and heating up the pan on the stove before finding some nine grain bread, butter, and marmalade.

Die smiled at him, quickly getting the eggs and then the cheese, finding it grated already. That was nice at least. He mixed the eggs in a bowl with some milk and then poured them into the pan, deciding to make one big one and just cut it in half.

Kyo popped two pieces of bread into the toaster and opened the butter and marmalade, finding a butter knife. "How dark do you like your toast?"

"Really light." He waited until one side seemed done before flipping the omelet over and adding cheese and then the mushrooms.

Kyo nodded, letting the bread get just a little toasted and then popping it out, spreading butter on both pieces and letting it melt, putting his own toast in and letting it get a bit darker before taking it out and buttering it up, adding marmalade to all four slices. He pulled down plates and put the toast on them, setting them on the counter by Die and putting things away before grabbing silverware and setting the table, refreshing their tea and putting that out, as well.

Die hummed to himself, bobbing along until he was done folding the omelet and then cut it in half, putting a piece on each plate and turning off the stove. Carrying the plates over to the table, he put them down and plopped in his chair. "Tada!"

Kyo sat down, smiling. "Thank you." He picked up his fork and cut off a piece of omelet, trying it. "Mmm... this is good."

Die grinned. "Good. I'd hate for my cooking to suck. I do my best." He tried a piece as well and found it to be quite good.

Kyo ate quietly, reading over the paper, his foot bouncing a little to some unheard rhythm. After a while, Die's phone buzzed. Kaoru had been unable to go back to sleep and had decided instead to get up, getting ready for a jog and doing a bit of thinking. _For the record, you do have a free card. It's LA, there's lots of gorgeous people._

Die picked up his phone and read it, sighing and shoving it toward Kyo, an unreadable look on his face as he took another piece of omelet.

Kyo lifted a brow, reading it. He stared for a moment before handing the phone back. "I... I guess that's fair? A little weird... I suppose he's trying to give you license to go out and get your vengeance if it's still bugging you." He shook his head. "I don't know. It's all kind of weird to me."

"Yeah... me, too." He sighed, replying quickly. _I don't intend to do that, Kaoru._

Kaoru put his head on the kitchen counter, beating it there a few times, lightly, feeling like he'd only managed to fuck up yet again. _I'm only saying. I'd be an idiot to hold it against you if you decided to have some fun. You're far away in sunny California, and I fucked up._

 _I know you wouldn't, but it doesn't change that I'm not going to. Granted, when I first left, I felt like it. But I got over it real fast._ He sent it back and dug back into breakfast.

 _Still. If the opportunity presents itself, take it. You're a very sexual person and you've been with three people your whole life. Be adventurous._ He sighed and left his phone on the counter, leaving the house to go for his run.

Die sighed, shaking his head and just flipping it closed. "Why do I feel like it'd make him feel better if I did sleep with someone else?"

Kyo nearly spit his tea out, laughing. "He probably would. I guess he thinks if you do it now, that maybe any lingering anger about his fling will be resolved and you won't hang it over his head."

"Yeah... probably." He shrugged a bit. "But I think I'd feel worse since I'm not really into the whole fuck a stranger thing."

Kyo opened his mouth, then slammed it shut again. He ate a little toast, wondering if he should even say anything. At length, he offered, "Not to tempt you or anything, and I hope I don't sound arrogant saying that, but... well, Fea and I talked about it a little and... I'm pretty sure if we got him drunk again, he'd be up for it. A threesome, I mean."

Die couldn't help the way his body instantly reacted to that. Squirming a little, he bit his lip. "Yeah?" Somehow Kyo was a different matter entirely from some stranger. After a moment, he spoke up again, swallowing a bite of toast first. "Maybe I could actually watch this time rather than wussing out?"

Kyo shrugged a little. "We'll see how things play out. I can tell you now; you'll be sleeping for half a day after this tattoo. It takes a lot out of you."

Somehow he couldn't help but think that Kyo was just trying to make him feel better in some way. And the more he thought about it, the more he thought that he could potentially ruin Kyo and Fea's relationship just by being even a spectator. He really didn't want to do that or he'd never forgive himself. He just nodded and finished up his food, drinking down his tea and then getting up to go do the dishes.

Kyo finished his plate, as well and took the dishes to the sink, hip-checking Die out of the way. "I'll do them, you cooked."

Die chuckled and abandoned the dishes, letting Kyo get it. "Alright, alright." He shifted to lean against the counter. "Am I really like an open book to you?"

Kyo tilted his head, soaping up a plate. "Not really an open book. You can be. More like an open book in legal terms. I can see inside you, I just don't always know how to decipher it."

He had to laugh at that, nodding a little. "Well, I can see that." He pulled himself up on the counter and swung his feet a bit. "So... sometimes you know what I'm thinking and sometimes you get those fragments of thought that aren't really coherent to anyone but me. Is that about right?"

Kyo pondered for a minute. "Something like that, yes." He put the dishes in the strainer and dried his hands. "I mean, it's not always there. I know how to tune it out and sometimes you're blocked off, but for the most part, it's pretty easy to... share thoughts with you, I guess you could say. Why?"

He nodded a little bit. "I dunno. Sometimes I wonder if everything I think is right there for you to hear. For some reason, I don't really find it odd, but sometimes certain thoughts should be... you know... private?"

Kyo hummed a little laugh. "Don't worry, it's not like every thought is as though you were speaking it, and a lot of it's just background chatter in my head and I don't even really tune into it."

"Only when I think things at you really hard then?" Knowing how it all worked for Kyo was actually really interesting.

The blonde smirked slightly at the interrogation. "Well, of course, but..." He thought a little more. "I suppose it's like being in a crowd, and when you're speaking to me, obviously, I hear it and I focus on it. People talking over there, I hear them, but I don't really focus on them. Sometimes, though, something said will catch my attention and I'll hone in on it. It's like that."

"That makes sense." Leaning back, Die rubbed over his belly a little. "Somehow it's kinda sexy you can do that."

Kyo shrugged slightly, rubbing his shoulder. "It freaks most people out, really. That's why I like that Fea has it, too. It makes us connect so much easier and deeper, being able to just... know each other without even asking. Things hardly happen in words with us, we just... feel it." He shrugged again, blushing slightly. "Anyway... I guess we should probably get ready and head out."

Die bit his lip a little, blushing faintly. "I just hope neither one of you run across things in my head that make you hate me... especially him." He bowed his head a little before pushing off the counter and heading down the hall to get his iPod. _Like the fact that I do have feelings for you._

For whatever reason, that thought hurt, badly. Kyo winced, glad Die's back was turned, and closed his eyes, sagging against the counter. It had shot pain through him like an actual blow, regret and shame for feeling regret at all passing through him. It was an odd place to be, and he hated that it was always so hard to figure Die out about it, or perhaps it really was just simple for him. Trying to shake the feeling, he went and grabbed his keys, phone, and jacket, putting his shoes on by the door.

Die found his iPod and his headphones, switching all of his stuff over to a small bag and then coming back out. Even one look at Kyo and he knew he'd hurt him. He stared at him, a sad look on his face. "I'm sorry. You know I don't mean to hurt you... right?"

Die even bringing it up made Kyo's chest ache more, tears wetting his lashes. He turned away and fiddled with the deadbolt. "I know..."

Carefully, Die reached for him, pulling him back against him and hugging him tight for a moment. "Forgive me?" he murmured softly.

Kyo resisted the hug somewhat, knowing the affection would only make his emotions react stronger, but he didn't fight it completely, nodding. "As long as you don't make me cry, yeah." He pulled away and opened the door, waiting for Die to come out before locking it and heading to the elevator, taking a few deep breaths to try and center himself again.

Die frowned to himself a little, following him out. "Sometimes I wish I could flip a switch somewhere inside myself and make things the way the need to be for the situation... you know?" He poked the button on the elevator, readjusting the strap on his flip-flop a moment later because it'd gotten twisted up.

Kyo looked down at his toes, jaw clenched a little. "Please just stop talking about it..." He hated to be short with Die, but it hurt to think on. If he could keep it pushed out to the edges of his mind, he could ignore it long enough to forget about it.

Die looked a little hurt, but he promptly shut up. One more reason to get home as soon as he could. Destroying Kyo's life wasn't in his plans, that was for damn sure. Leaning back against the wall, he tried to think about flowers, not wanting to broadcast anything to Kyo that would hurt him more.

Kyo gnawed his lip, waiting for the elevator to get to the lobby. As the door slid open, he gave Die a confused little look, then a slight smile. "Petunias?"

Die chuckled softly and nodded. "Yeah... Petunias."

Kyo shook his head, walking out of the door and heading down to the corner to try and catch a cab. He had one hand in his pocket, looking around for a taxi, spotting one and starting to wave, hailing it to the curb.

He figured Kyo knew what he was doing, but he didn't really care right then. Besides, anything was better than dwelling on his feelings for Kyo, what had happened that morning, and how much he wished he could have gotten off at least.

Kyo pulled open the door and slid in, giving the address for the tattoo parlor and texting Fea to make sure he was still going to meet them there. He got an affirmative text back and settled into the seat, sitting quietly while they drove through the city.

Die continued to think on random topics, anything from flowers to Makoto, keeping his thoughts as far from emotions as possible.

Kyo's own thoughts were far away, drifting. By the time they got to the parlor, he felt much more relaxed, paying the cab driver and then holding the door of the shop open for Die, Fea already sitting in the lobby.

Die kept his thoughts on random things, even seeing Fea, giving him a small smile and then heading to the bathroom to pee real fast, coming back and feeling like he was ready.

The shop was quiet, just Kagi and another artist that Kyo and Fea would share there. Kagi greeted Die with a firm handshake and showed him the finished sketch, making sure it was what Die wanted.

The look of pure happiness on Die's face was more than enough to tell Kagi that Die approved of the drawing, but he chose to tell him as well. "It's perfect."

Kagi smiled and went to print a transfer, coming back and asking Die to take off his shirt and stand with his shoulders square so that he could place the transfer outline on his back.

Die did exactly as he was asked, standing straight and waiting.

Fea was in the chair next to Die, having the outline for the connecting designs of what would become one full tattoo down his leg free-handed on with Sharpies. He winked at Die a little, Kyo sitting on the counter and watching them both, deciding to have his sleeve touched up after Fea. 

Kagi cleaned off Die's back and then wet it before carefully placing the transfer on, peeling it back off and handing Die a small hand mirror and pointing to the full body mirror on the wall. "Take a look, make sure it's placed where you want it."

Die offered Fea a smile before he moved to look in the mirror. His eyes lit up the moment he took it in, his fingers coming to touch the air just over his shoulders where he would be able to touch the tattoo once it was in place. Biting his lip, he examined all of it carefully and then went back to Kagi. "It's good." He handed the mirror off.

Kagi patted the padded table, like in a massage parlor, and sat himself down, ink and gun already laid out. "Get yourself situated, then, and we'll start."

Die nodded, settling on the chair and leaning over, quietly putting his iPod where he could get to it. "Just warn me."

Kagi got everything together, touching Die's back after a minute. "Alright. I'm going to start on the outline now. If you need me to stop for a second or you need a break, just tell me. Ready?"

Die nodded. Quietly, he put his headphones in and flicked on his iPod, making sure it was low enough to hear what was going on around him. "Ready." He relaxed as much as he could and waited on the initial surprise of it.

Kagi put a little glob of salve on Die's shoulder, dipping a gloved finger into it and rubbing it on the top left corner of the outline. He turned the gun on and dipped it into black ink, leaning over and making the first line, watching the man on the table for any reaction to make sure it was alright to just start going through it or if he needed to ease him into it.

Die took in a little hiss of air, tensing for a second before relaxing. It wasn't too bad... not too great, either, but not something he was going to cry over.

When Die relaxed again, Kagi kept going, sinking into work-mode and knocking out the dead tree portion in about an hour. Fea had just gotten started on actually tattooing and seemed fairly content, staring up at the ceiling. Kyo walked over to Die and knelt down, petting his hair a little to get his attention. "How you doing?"

Die was trying hard to keep himself mostly zoned out, though when he felt that hand on his hair, he opened his eyes and peered up at Kyo. "It's... kinda numb."

Kyo chuckled. "It looks good so far. At this rate, the outline should only take a few hours."

Die smiled and gave a little nod. "Kinda thirsty," he murmured.

Kyo went over to Fea's bag, finding a water bottle and opening it to make sure it cracked and was therefore fresh, finding a box of straws on the front desk and putting one in it, holding it for Die. "Tada!"

Die laughed softly when Kyo brought back the bottle with a straw, holding it for him. "You're awesome." Without moving anything but his head, he wrapped his lips around the straw and took a few long drinks before he let the straw go and licked his lips. "Thank you."

Kyo set the water bottle down on the floor where Die could reach and grab it if he needed it. "No problem."

Die glanced toward his own bag. "Can you take a few photos as this progresses on my phone for me?"

"Sure." Kyo dug through Die's bag, finding his phone and figuring out how to open the camera, snapping a couple photos.

"Thanks. I dunno why, but I always regretted not documenting my other one."

Kyo gave a nod and put Die's phone back in his bag, going between him and Fea to make sure no one was in such pain that they needed a hand to squeeze. After another hour, Kagi put his tattoo gun down and stretched. "Alright. I'm taking a short break. Ten minutes or so. If you need to smoke or use the bathroom, have at it, just don't bump into anything. Leave your shirt off, and if you're shy about going out on the street like that, you can smoke out back with us." The other tattoo artist, Mick, had also decided to break, having completed most of the line art for the connecting pieces on Fea's calf.

Die nodded, getting up and going to the bathroom to get rid of the water he'd put in. Then he went to fetch his cigarettes, stepping out back with the artists, lighting up and making sure to stay well away from the wall so he didn't lean against anything. "Tingles a little," he commented.

Kagi puffed at a fat cigar, Fea standing rather shamelessly in his boxers and a t-shirt, barefoot on the pavement of the back parking lot, smoking with Kyo. "That's pretty normal. You're doin' good. It's still going to take for-fuckin’-ever, but we'll be able to knock this out pretty quick, all things considered."

"It's going faster than I really expected it to. And it doesn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would."

"More down at the small of your back is where everybody says it starts to hurt. I'll try and save that for last with the outline and first with the shading so you get it all out of the way at once." He pointed at Fea then. "You... the back of the knees, man. That's the worst. Ribs and backs of the knees." Fea tried to smile, but honestly looked a little tense.

Die took another drag off his cigarette, watching Kagi talk to Fea. Tilting his head, he studied him and tried thinking at him. _Doing okay?_

Fea blinked, looking at Die oddly, his voice coming through in Die's head. _I don't handle pain very well, despite all the tattoos. I'm kind of a wimp._

Die smirked a bit. _Well, you don't seem like a wimp, if that helps. Weirded out by me talking to you like this?_

Fea cut his eyes to the side, taking another drag. _Yeah, a little..._

Die took another drag. _Kyo kinda told me you were like him._ He shrugged a bit. _But I'll stop if it bothers you._

 _I'm not as attuned as he is. It's harder for me._ He snubbed out his cigarette and went inside to pee before getting back in the chair, Mick following him in. Kagi snuffed his cigar out and stood with a loud stretch, jerking his thumb towards the door. "Ready to start back?" Kyo was putting his butt in the ashtray.

Die just winced a little. The more and more he interacted with Fea, the more he felt like he was pissing the other man off, like he should go home sooner. He figured he needed at least one day to kind of recover from this and maybe he could leave that night. It was a bit earlier than originally planned, but it'd leave Fea and Kyo the last day together without Die in the way.

He nodded at Kagi, putting his cigarette out in the ashtray as well and going back to his seat. Settling down, he thought toward Kyo. _Can you book my flight back for tomorrow night? I'll pay you in cash for the ticket. I'd do it, but I'm kinda stuck over here. My phone has internet._

Kyo's brows drew in and he pulled up a chair in front of Die's head, playing with his hair a little. _Tomorrow night? I don't have to fly out until Thursday morning. But if you want to go home, sure, I won't keep you here._

Die peered up at him a little before closing his eyes again. _It's not that I want to go home. I feel like I should give you and Fea some alone time since I'm intruding on you as it is._

Kyo gave a little sigh, looking a bit crazy with their silent conversation. _You're not getting in the way. You're welcome here, you know that. If you want to go, go, but don't think you've overstayed your welcome._

It took everything he had not to choke up and even in his mind it came across. _I honestly don't think Fea likes me here, Kyo. I know you don't mind me here, but I'm pretty sure he does. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to mess around in your relationship. It'd hurt me forever if I caused an issue for you two._

Kyo couldn't help but growl, speaking in Japanese to keep their conversation private. "He'd better like you. Or at least not feel like that, and certainly not acting in a way to make you feel that way. You've done nothing to make him jealous or anything, so if he feels that way, it's because he's being insecure, and that's bullshit. Don't worry about what he thinks. I've missed you. If you want to go home, like I said, I'll book your flight, but if you're leaving for any other reason than you're ready to go, don't."

His eyes opened again and he gave Kyo a watery-eyed look, speaking back in Japanese as well, his hand reaching to curl around Kyo's. "Then I'll stay and leave when you do. Or at least close to it. Whatever's most convenient to you." He bit his lip a little, trying not to let his wavering voice deteriorate into the tears it was about to.

Kyo sighed. "I'll book you flight for the day after tomorrow. Somewhere in the evening, okay?"

He gave a tiny nod. "Yeah." He was quiet for a minute before murmuring softly, "I'm sorry I make things difficult."

Kyo rolled his eyes, playing with Die's ear a little. "You do have quite a talent for it sometimes."

"Yeah... especially when I'm already stressed out." He blinked up at him and then sighed. "Just... I wish I could get him to like me rather than think I'm some weirdo."

Kyo chuckled softly. "You _are_ a weirdo. But so is he. He's just really awkward, I guess it comes off as abrupt or something?"

He nodded a tiny bit again. "Yeah, I guess maybe that's what it is. I dunno." He sighed softly. "It really does feel like he doesn't like me. But I guess it could be me just misinterpreting it?"

Kyo sighed. "He doesn't dislike you, okay? Don't worry about that."

Gently squeezing his hand, he offered a soft smile. "I hope you're right. So... I'll still pay for my ticket. It's the least I can do."

Kyo shook his head. "Keep your money. It's enough having you here." Fea let out a strangled curse and Kyo turned. His lover was gripping the chair, eyes squeezed shut and trying to relax; Mick had started on his kneecap.

Die heard the curse and he gently squeezed Kyo's hand. "Go see about him."

The blonde patted Die's hand and went back over to his lover, scratching Fea's head to get him more relaxed, cooing to him gently in Russian.

Die just relaxed against the chair and closed his eyes again, not having much else to do other than wait on the next break.

Kagi hauled in another hour and a half, Mick trying to push through, as well. Fea was holding on, making a deal with Mick to do the back of his knee last; all of the color for his calf was nearly done and most of the outline. Nearing the second hour, Kagi stopped again. "You guys ready for a food break?"

Die shrugged a little. "I could use another cigarette... if that's okay."

Kagi shrugged, his back popping as he stretched. Fea rubbed his stomach. "I could eat." Kyo offered to make a run down to the deli a few blocks over, taking orders, asking Die if he wanted anything.

"Roast beef," he murmured to Kyo, "and a Strawberry Fanta if they have it." He headed for the back door, going outside and lighting up another cigarette, finding it took the edge off the whole thing.

Kyo nodded, heading out the front, Fea limping to the back area for another cigarette. "Fell asleep," he explained, pointing at his leg when Kagi gave him an odd look. He leaned up against the wall beside Die, lighting his cigarette. "You're totally making me feel like a pussy," he joked to Die, "you're practically asleep over there and I've been white-knuckling most of this shit."

Die gave him a little smile, shrugging. "Everyone takes different kinds of pain in different ways." Honestly, he found that the physical pain wasn't anything in comparison to the pain in his heart.

Fea shrugged. "It's weird, because I get off on pain in certain situations, but stuff like this, especially the buzzing and how it just gets annoying after a while, it drives me crazy."

The redhead took another drag off his cigarette and then offered a slight nod. "Yeah... it is an entirely different pain."

Fea flexed his foot up onto the ball, turning his leg and admiring it. All the Sharpie marks made it hard to determine what was done and what was not, but either way, it looked good; the colors were eye-watering, the design like a colorful henna pattern, in some spots more geometrical like a mandala. He touched Die's shoulder and pushed gently to turn him. "Lemme see?"

Die peered at Fea's tattoo, watching him look it over. When the touch came, he nodded, turning around so he could take a good look at the tattoo.

Fea studied it, nearly all of the top section of the tree's outline done. "Looks good. It fits you well."

Die flexed his shoulders around a little. "Thanks. I was hoping it would."

Fea kind of nodded, looking at the graffiti on the back wall of the parking lot, taking a deep drag off his cigarette. "So... how are you feeling about going back?"

Die shrugged a little. "I think nothing will solve itself. I need to be there for things to work out."

Fea made an odd shrugging gesture, shifting his weight onto the other foot. "Are you excited to see him again? Or is it mostly... dread? I think I'd be scared to death that I'd be walking right back into a shit storm."

"I miss him with all my heart." He stared at the ground for a moment and sighed. "I think that's why this," he gestured at the tattoo, "doesn't hurt. Because my heart hurts so much that it overwhelms physical pain."

Fea blinked at him for a moment. "Heavy." Trying to lighten the mood, he pointed at his leg. "Well _this_ shit hurts."

Die offered him a tiny smile. "Yeah, I bet." He ditched his cigarette in the ashtray and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm honestly afraid to ask how much this is costing Kyo."

Fea made a dismissive gesture. "Don't worry about that. Money's no big thing to him. It's just something the rest of the world puts merit on to acquire things, and he prefers to use it to make people around him happy. I've had to fight him to let me pay for dinner and stuff; he doesn't really see why he shouldn't pay for other people when he's perfectly capable of doing it. And it's not like he's blowing it all, either, he saves some up, just in case anything falls through, he won't be broke on the street." He gave a little shrug. "Babe's got it all figured out."

The talk of Kyo's finances was reassuring, something that made him feel better about not having the money to pay for the things he did while he was here. He pushed his hands into the tiny pockets of his sweat pants. "I'm glad. Makes me feel a little less like a total mooch."

Fea chuckled, shaking his head. "I think he likes it. It makes him feel good to give people opportunities they're restricted from doing, financially, most of the time."

"It's kinda muggy out here. I'm gonna go back in. Coming?"

Fea nodded a little, grinding out his cigarette. He followed Die back into the shop and stayed standing, trying to get feeling back into his leg, slowly getting rid of the tingling sensation. He fidgeted around a little, looking at the painting on the walls, done by the shop's artists. "At least I know I'll sleep good tonight."

Die gave a little laugh. "Yeah, so I was told." He too remained standing, not wanting to accidentally rest against anything with his back. Besides, his ass hurt. Quietly, he retrieved his phone and flipped it open, going to the camera feature and looking at the photos Kyo had taken of his back. "Would you take a pic of my back now?" he asked Fea, flipping it from the saved photos to the blank screen ready to take a photo.

Fea took the phone with a nod, squaring up Die's back in the frame and taking a photo of his whole back, then one of just the finished outline so far before handing the phone back.

"Thanks," he murmured softly, taking the phone back and looking at it before putting the phone in his pocket.

Fea gave a little nod, fidgeting around more. After a minute, Kyo returned, putting down the bag of food on the table in the lobby.

When Kyo returned, Die padded over to him, peering at the food, one hand on Kyo's back. "Smells good."

Kyo gave a little smile, pulling out the wrapped roast beef. "I forgot my phone, so I just got it with everything on it; lettuce, mayo, tomato, bean sprouts. And here's your drink." He pulled a Fanta bottle out of a gas station bag and handed it to Die. Fea came out and found his sandwich and drink, carefully sitting down and starting to eat, Kagi and Mick practically attacking the food and starting to dig in.

Die grinned. "It's perfect. Thanks." He took the sandwich and then the soda, giving Kyo a one-armed hug before scooting to the side and opening his sandwich, taking a huge bite.

Kyo dug out his turkey wrap and sat cross-legged on the floor to eat, he and Fea sparking up a conversation, again in Russian. Kagi made a joke about all the languages flying around being like tattooing in the UN and Fea let out a loud laugh.

Die snickered. "Yeah, it kinda is."

Kyo wiped his mouth, nodding at Die. "Have you told Kaoru yet?" he asked, meaning the tattoo, of course.

Die glanced up at Kyo and then shook his head. "Nope. I'm gonna surprise him with it."

Kyo hiked his brows a little. "Interesting."

Die shrugged a little. "I figure it's my business, it's not like I need his approval and if we were on good terms, I'd have been telling him already. But we're not, so he can find out randomly at some point."

Kyo and Fea both went wide-eyed at that. Something about the bitterness with which Die described his current situation with Kaoru made it seem contradictory that he was even going back, but neither of them said anything.

Die didn't miss the twin looks and he returned them with one of his own. "Sorry... I can't help but still be mad. I love him to death, but I'm still mad."

Fea sipped at his soda thoughtfully. "I don't blame you for being angry, but if you sincerely want it to work, you have to start letting go of the anger. If you go back and you're still holding things against him, there's nothing he can do to help you change your mind."

"Yeah... I know." Die took a long drink of the soda and then sighed. "I want things to be okay, but I still need to actually talk it all out with him... in person. Mostly I needed away so I didn't fuckin' punch him rather than talk to him."

Kyo couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of Die actually hitting Kaoru. It wasn't funny, but in some ways, it was. "I hope it all works itself out."

"Me, too," Die murmured softly, taking little sips of his Fanta.

They all ate in silence for a while before Mick finished up and beckoned Fea back to the chair, washing his hands before starting to work again. 

Kagi took a while longer, throwing out his trash and washing up, coming back to Die. "Ready to get back at it?"

Die finished at about the same time as Kagi and pretty much followed him through the routine of throwing out trash and washing up. He nodded. "It kinda itches already."

Kagi laughed. "Get used to it, man. It's gonna feel like a bad sunburn for days, and the more you think you can itch it, the more you'll want to."

"Yeah, I remember how hard it was not to scratch my hand when I got it done and this will be a million times worse, I'm sure."

"Pretty much." Kagi waited for Die to settle down and then started back, determined to finish out the rest of the tree top and the trunk before he stopped again. Kyo was stationed over with Fea, who was looking rather displeased with the spot on his thigh currently getting tattooed.

Die just plugged his headphones in again and rested against the chair. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes, Kyo's voice coming through the headphones into his ears, lulling him into not really noticing the needles in his back.

Another hour passed. Then another. Kagi kept tabs on Die, pushing himself to finish the trunk of the tree. Fea was nearly done with everything but the back of his knee and seeming to not be looking forward to it. Kagi tapped Die's shoulder. "Ready for another break?"

When Die was tapped into wakefulness, he blinked a little and yawned, reaching to pull his headphone out. "Hnn?"

Kagi snickered, Mick finishing up a line so they could break together. "Break. I think another hour and I might be ready to start shading. That should take maybe four hours or so."

Die smacked his lips and then nodded, sitting up and stretching. "I didn't mean to fall asleep... sorry."

Kagi laughed heartily. "No harm done." He got up and wandered off the bathroom, then outside to work on the last part of his cigar.

Fea swung his legs over the chair and stood up unsteadily, his legs starting to feel weak. He stuck his tongue out jokingly at Die, uttering, "Show-off."

Die blushed. "Am not!" He passed Fea, going to go to the bathroom again, spending longer this time before he came back out. He kind of just stumbled over and grabbed his drink, sipping at it.

Kyo snickered behind his hand, rubbing Die's uninked shoulder. "You alright?"

Die peered at the other. "Yeah... just kinda foggy-brained."

Kyo smiled a little, going out and sitting down on a parking curb, lighting a cigarette. Die's phone buzzed with a text message that had been sent nearly an hour ago from Kaoru. _I scheduled a biopsy for three days after I get back from Japan. Also got meds for my headaches. No real news other than that._

Die flipped open his phone and studied the message before messaging him back. _What'd they give you for meds, baby?_

_Relpax for migraines and oxycotin for pain. Heavy shit. I'm honestly scared to take whole doses._

_Take the whole for the migraines and half for the pain, maybe space them out a bit._ He figured that was probably sufficient. Yawning again, he finished up his soda and then leaned on the counter. _I miss you._

 _:( I miss you, too. I hope that helps. I just don't want to go from one dependency to another._ There was laughing from outside and Fea's voice rose above the rest, shouting to get out past his laughter something about his guitarist trying to stage dive and falling face-first off the stage.

Die glanced back toward where the others were, but then just leaned his ass back against the counter again, replying to Kaoru. _Promise you'll keep me tabbed on how much you're taking and not lie. Then we can both monitor it._

 _I'll try to keep tabs. It will take a while to even remember I have them to take when I've got really bad headaches._

Kyo popped into the shop and went into the bathroom, muffled voices and laughter from outside. 

_I love you so much, Die. I haven't been able to breathe, hardly, without you around. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through._

_I love you, too, baby. I won't say it's okay, but I'm working on forgiving you._

_:/ If there's anything I can do, just tell me. I'd do anything for you._

_Just be yourself and keep in mind everything I told you to do. I'll be home in a few days and we'll discuss things more fully, then, okay? I promise to do my best to make it rational._ He sent it off and sighed, staring at the counter in front of him.

Kaoru was in tears again for no good reason, sitting on the floor, also for no good reason. _Okay. I almost forgot to water your venus fly trap, but I saved it just in time. I was afraid it would die before you got back_

 _Crap, I forgot about my baby. He'll get better faster if you go by a pet supply store and buy him a couple meal worms. Just like the thing of fifteen will do and give him two._ He frowned a little. He obviously wasn't just neglecting Kaoru while he was gone, but his other babies as well. _How's Makoto?_

_It caught a fly earlier, but I'll go get the worms. Mako's fine. Keeps growing. He still misses you, still sleeps in the bed. I let him for now, I know it's because he misses you._

_If he's catching flies, he should be fine. Give Makoto pets for me and give my fly trap like half an hour in the sun. Give yourself a hug._

Kaoru bit his lip and gave himself a little squeeze. _I'm sorry for blowing you off this morning. Promise to make it up to you when you get home._

 _It's okay. My bad for being unreasonably horny that early in the morning. Don't worry about it._ He bit his lip a little and then sighed.

Kyo walked up to him, reaching out and touching his arm. "Want me to take pictures again?"

Die looked up at him and then nodded, flicking the phone over to the camera and handing it to him. "Yeah... please."

Kyo took it and got one good photo of Die's whole back before handing the phone back to him. "You look down. Wanna talk about it?" He didn't have to be psychic to know it was about Kaoru.

Die gave Kyo a sad little smile. "My fly trap almost died and Kaoru scheduled his biopsy for right after we get back from Japan."

Kyo returned the sad smile, rubbing Die's arm some. "I'm sorry..."

Die shifted to lean close to him, giving him a slight hug. "It's fine."

Kyo didn't hug back for fear of touching the tattoo, but leaned his head against Die's. "I hate seeing you upset." He pulled back and looked up at the other. "I know he does, too."

Die gave a little sigh and then nodded. "Yeah... I know. I don't like seeing him upset either."

Kyo reached up and pinched Die's shoulders, massaging a little. "It'll be okay... and if it's not, you know you can always come stay with me until you figure things out."

Die looked up at Kyo, studying him for a long moment before nodding. He didn't think he'd be intruding on Kyo again. Quite frankly, he'd probably go to a hotel if he needed somewhere to stay. It wasn't because of Kyo or even because of Fea. It was just because he felt like maybe he depended too much on the only friend he had... and sometimes a person needs to depend on themselves instead. After a few moments, he murmured, "Do you see anything, Kyo? Anything at all?"

Kyo scrunched up his face, looking down at the floor. "What, with Kaoru? ...Little things... hazy bits and pieces. Stuff I don't want to tell you."

Die sighed softly, taking it for what it was. If Kyo didn't want to tell him, he had a reason. Like not telling him about the tumor in the first place, but hinting around it instead. His eyes focused on a spot outside the windows of the shop where a couple of pigeons fought over the end of a hot dog bun. "Would you tell me if you saw his death?"

Kyo let out a short scoff, looking at Die, stunned. "I--" He pressed his lips together. "I don't know. I'm not sure if I'd be able to tell you something like that. I can't even tell you the things I already see. No, Die... I'm sorry. I don't think I could give you that kind of warning. Besides... it might make you dread while he's still here. If that happens, I want you to be happy with him, not anxious."

Die gritted his teeth a little, trying hard not to just break down and cry like a damn pansy. After a moment though, he nodded, squeezing Kyo's shoulder as he made his way off to the bathroom. Locking himself inside, he sat on the closed toilet lid and put his face in his palms, letting the tears out, the softest of sobs coming from him. He felt stupid for crying over the maybes, but he couldn't help it.

Kyo gave a heavy sigh, watching him go. _I'm sorry._ He shook off the bad feeling and put on a little smile, going over to Fea as he laid face down on the table, the back of his calf and thigh needing a bit more work before the dreaded back of the knee. Kagi came back in and set up, looking around. 

"Bathroom," Kyo supplied, getting a nod.

Die cried himself out, doing his best to mop up his face and look presentable before he came back out. His eyes were a bit red-rimmed, but other than that, he didn't look too much the worse for wear. He moved right back to Kagi's area, settling down again and putting in his headphones, but keeping them low enough to hear anything Kagi needed to say.

Kagi had lowered the table so that Die was lying more flat, needing him that way to start on the small of his back. He got to work, listening to his own iPod, one earbud out so he didn't miss it if Die said anything. About half an hour in, there was a shout from Fea; at last, the only thing left to do was the back of his knee. He clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from shouting, eyes squeezed shut. It was clear he was actually in a lot of pain. Kyo knelt beside him, stroking his hair.

Die startled a little at the shout, doing his best not to move too much, tensing halfway through the reaction, causing the needle to hurt more. He hissed a little and turned his head to try to look over at Fea.

Kyo was rubbing his back and his hair, purring at him, trying to get him to relax, though Fea let out a curse every minute or two, his body tensing. Mick was trying not to laugh. "I'm trying to work fast, man, just hold out."

Die arched an eyebrow at him, shaking his head a little and relaxing back into his prior position. Mentally, he thought toward Fea, _Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow._ He paused there, waiting to see if that maybe distracted him from the pain.

Fea gripped the table and pressed his face into it, shaking. _Don't make me laugh!_ A few audible laughs issued from him. _I'll move too much!_

Die chuckled to himself. _Hey, it worked, didn't it? Don't knock it if it works, man._ He smirked slightly.

Kyo looked at Die with a little smirk, shaking his head. Mick joked that he must have hit a ticklish spot, continuing to work, Fea gritting it out. Within an hour, Kagi was almost finished with the outline, looking it over to make sure there wasn't anything he was missing. By the end of the second hour, he seemed quite pleased. Turning the gun off, he set it down and stretched again. "Outline's done."

Die let out a sigh of relief, sitting up and muttering about the soda going right through him, traipsing off to the bathroom again. When he came back out, he went over to Fea and Kyo, handing Kyo the phone to take a pic again and smirking at Fea as he hummed out a few bars of Mary had a little lamb.

Kyo took a few photos for him, Fea growling a little, having settled into the pain and nearly done with it. "Ten more minutes man, I promise!" Mick offered, inking in bright lotus pink to a section of the design, nearly no untattooed skin left on Fea's leg, save for some negative space worked into the art.

Die chuckled, thanking Kyo and reaching to ruffle Fea's hair before going back to his seat and plopping down. "How many more hours do you think?"

Kagi was digging around at the desk, finding some Tylenol and a new cigar. "To shade? Five hours, maybe. You're sitting through it pretty well. Maybe four?"

Die nodded a little, reaching to scratch under his armpit and then settling back. "Might sleep through some more of it... it goes faster that way."

Kagi rolled his eyes. "Yeah, for you, maybe. I'm gonna take probably fifteen minutes, then I'll set up my ink for the shading and we'll see about knocking it out in two or three sittings."

Die laughed, "Yeah, there's that." Getting up again, he just wandered around waiting on Kagi.

By the time Kagi returned, Mick had announced that he was finished with Fea's leg. The tall man let out a grateful sigh, letting Kyo take a few pictures before Mick wrapped the leg up in cling wrap to keep it from bleeding on the track pants he put on over it. Kagi laughed quietly at them joking around while Mick cleaned the space to set up for Kyo, putting out some little ink pots, himself, to start work on Die's shading. "Okay, guy. You ready? Some people think shading and color hurts more."

Die nodded. "I'm ready. We'll see if I start crying," he joked, knowing full well he probably could manage that at some point, though maybe not over the ink.

Kagi chuckled a little, turning the gun back on, the buzz loud, and began at the small of Die's back, working backwards from how he'd done the outline. Over at Mick's station, Kyo was settling himself down, arm on the rest of the chair, waiting for Mick to get situated to touch up and fill in the rest of his sleeve.

Die hissed a little at the first bit, for some reason not quite ready for it when it happened. But after a moment, he calmed down and just turned his iPod back on, flipping it to a different one of Kyo's albums.

Mick was still setting up, and Fea had gone out for a smoke, so Kyo stood, going over to Die and rubbing his hair, - taking one of his earbuds and putting it in his own ear. He smirked at Die's choice and put his lips almost on Die's ear, singing along very softly.

Die shivered a little at Kyo's touch on his hair. He blushed faintly when Kyo took one of the ear buds, though his lips soon curved up in a smile when he began to sing in his ear. He relaxed even more, lifting one hand to squeeze over Kyo's, hoping he'd keep doing it for a while.

Kagi watched Kyo curiously as he finished out the song, patting Die and then replacing the earbud before moving back into the chair, Mick nearly ready to start. Fea came back and plopped himself on his right knee beside Die. "How are you doing?"

Die smiled to himself and then licked his lips a little, glancing up when Fea came over. "I'm doing alright. It's a little bit odd feeling. You?"

Kyo smirked, closing his eyes and relaxing as Mick started on his arm. Fea smiled at Die. "Riding the high. You'll have the best sleep of your life tonight, I promise."

"Yeah, probably. Good thing I always sleep on my stomach or I'd be totally fucked." He laughed softly.

Fea laughed. "Yeah, I'm kind of screwed for the next few nights. I don't know how I'm gonna fuck like this." Kyo threw a balled up paper towel, which hit the back of Fea's head, making him laugh again. "A week or two, you'll back to normal."

Die snickered. "Oh, that's easy, man. You just lay back and watch..." he finished the rest mentally, _while he rides you. Sexy shit, there if you ask me._

Fea snickered. _I think I'll probably let him fuck me for the next few days before he leaves. I like it. It's just... well. Like a chihuahua mounting a Doberman with us._ He shrugged a little and patted Die's shoulder, watching Kagi work.

Die snickered. _Yeah... well... I don't think anyone could get the short end of the stick with the two of you... if you know what I mean._

Fea laughed quietly, pressing his forehead to Die's shoulder. _He definitely ruins any Asian stereotype about dick, that's for sure._ He sat up again and looked over Kyo, wagging his brows, obviously lost in their own silent conversation. 

Kyo sort of glared, letting out in Japanese, "I swear to God if you make me hard, I'll kill you."

Fea looked at Die. _What did he say?_

Die chuckled and then full out laughed when Kyo spoke. _He said if you make him hard, he'll kill you._ He grinned. _I think it's more like he'll be embarrassed but he'll jump your bones later. But that's my opinion._

 _Oh he'll fuck me, anyway, he loves it._ Fea grinned and turned to Kyo, saying something smart in Russian before coming back to Die. "So that boyfriend of yours... I'm sorry I keep coming back to it; I just find the dynamic really interesting. Have you always been rocky, or is it just now?"

"It's not usually like this. It was perfect until the drugs got involved."

Fea titled his head. "Well. At least you know there's a source? That it's probably not something sour between you, but an outside element?"

"Trust me... it is. He was high when he fucked the other guy. I know he wouldn't if he hadn't been high."

Fea frowned a little. "I feel like I should give you some sage piece of advice, but I don't have any."

Die kept himself from shrugging and just sighed instead. "Honestly? I wish he'd fucked a girl. I know he wanted to fuck a real girl once and I wouldn't have been nearly as hurt. But he went to a real guy and I just... that fucking hurt." He bowed his head a little, sniffing, trying not to cry before he whispered out, "It makes me feel inadequate."

Fea pressed a hand to Die's hair, frowning, Kagi very pointedly ignoring the conversation. "Don't... don't think of it like that. You can't, it will drive you crazy if you do."

"I know. But I can't help it. I think I need to at least express how I feel in that respect to him... or that will eat me up."

Fea sighed. "Well, I mean. He's gay. He was high. I'm sure he was more comfortable hooking up with a guy. I know you're hurt, and understandably, but... I don't know. Don't take it as such a personal blow?"

Fea was right and Die knew it, but it still hurt. Deep inside, it felt like a huge blow to any smidgen of pride he had left. Wiping his eyes a little, he wet his lips. "Yeah... true."

Fea sighed and pat the back of Die's neck, giving it a squeeze. He wandered over to Kyo and Kagi set into a rhythm with the shading. Two hours passed quickly, as though warped, Kyo's arm nearly done. Kagi tapped Die. "Do you need a break?"

Die just kind of fell into thinking afterward, having nothing better to do. When Kagi tapped him, he shook his head a little. "I'm fine if you are."

He nodded, starting back to his work. Mick finished Kyo up, wrapping up his forearm in clear wrap, Fea and Kyo both going to smoke. Mick cleaned up and cashed out with them, giving Kagi a two finger salute which was half-heartedly returned. He was determined to finish Die's back. After another hour, he felt so close, finishing out the branches and becoming more discerning about where negative space worked better, especially on Die's skin. "Almost there, just give me another forty minutes." 

The last half an hour was probably the worst, Die gritting his teeth, all of his pain he'd been able to escape so far coming to get him. He ached and he felt like his insides had to be popping out of all the holes on his back by then. But he still never said a word about it.

Kyo wandered in every now and again, taking pictures on Die's phone for him. He stayed and watched for the last fifteen minutes or so, ruffling Die's hair when Kagi finally turned off the gun, massaging his hand. "All done, guy. Grab the mirror and take a look."

Sniffing, Die nodded, getting up with a wince. He picked up the mirror off the counter and headed over to the mirror on the wall. He turned around and looked, his eyes lighting up. It'd all been worth it... so very worth it. Licking his lips, he grinned. "Oh my god... it's... perfect."

Kagi gave a tired smile as Kyo walked over and got several photos of the finished piece. "It looks amazing, Die."

Kagi stood up and went over to him, letting him admire it a while before he cleaned it, pat it dry, wet it back down with salve, and then stuck clear wrap over. "Bleeding is really normal, don't worry about it. Don't scratch it. Rub it in circular motions when you clean. Don't keep it too wet, but don't let it get too dry. You should know the deal, you've been inked before, but a big piece like this needs a lot of care the first week or two to keep it looking nice and crisp, alright?"

Die nodded. "Well... you'd be surprised what you're not told at a little shop in butt-fuck nowhere." He chuckled. "So I can't shower until tomorrow, right?"

Kagi nodded. "Probably best. When you do shower, pat it dry and rub it down with some salve; pads of your fingers, circular motion. Obviously with the placement, there's only so much you can do yourself. Don't put too much on, you want to let it breathe. Common sense, basically. Don't scratch or pull at it when it starts to peel. Rub it down with lotion or salve and circles to get the skin to come off."

He nodded. "Alright." Glancing down, he knew for sure his next project was to touch up the ink on his hand. "Thank you so much." He offered his hand to Kagi. "Definitely taking some of your cards."

Kagi gave a tired smile, shaking Die's hand. "Please do." Kyo squared up with him on the payment and Kagi signed the original sketch, rolling it and putting a rubber band around it, giving it to Die.

Die beamed. "Do you want a photo of it for your books? I could have Kaoru do one when I get back and ship it to you. He works for Morbid Black Light." He figured that would tip him off since there had been a copy of it on the table in the lobby.

Kagi nodded rather enthusiastically. "Yeah, yeah! Here's some cards, by the way, I almost forgot. You can have him send it to my email."

Die took the cards and shook his hand. "Awesome. Thank you so much. I'm really happy with it." He then turned to Kyo, throwing his arms around the other man and hugging him tight, murmuring, "Thank you," in his ear, over and over.

Kyo laughed at him, pushing him out the door. "You're welcome, now march."

Die chuckled, making sure he had his cigarettes and headed out, clutching the sketch of his tattoo, already getting an evil thought in his head about what he'd show Kaoru first.

Fea waved down a cab, carefully sliding in, Kyo following after and getting in the middle, giving his address. He rested his head back against the seat, sighing. "I want a nap."

Die slid in last, awkwardly trying to lean forward in the seat. "Plane ride is gonna be a bitch if I can't lean back by then." He made a face.

Kyo chuckled. "I can give you some of the sleeping pills I take for my flights sometimes if you want. If you take half, you should be okay by the time you get home."

"I may take you up on that one if I can't." He laughed softly, actually putting his shirt on and trying to be gentle about it.

Kyo snorted a little. "I'm telling you. The three of us are gonna hit the bed and wake up at like noon tomorrow." Fea laughed, nodding.

"Am I allowed to have booze today?" He knew he couldn't before the tattoo, but he didn't know about after.

Fea made a face. "Probably not the best idea. It's still an open wound, essentially, and you'll bleed a little for the next several hours. Booze will just make you bleed more."

"Okay, good to know. Nicotine, it is."

Kyo snuggled up all but in Fea's armpit, curling there while they rode back to his apartment, glad they hadn't caught any traffic. Fea paid this time, opening his door and scooting out, Kyo following after him, waiting on Die before going into his building and up the elevator to his floor. He unlocked his keys with a yawn. "No really. I'm going to bed, guys."

Die got out after Kyo, traipsing after him. When Kyo said he was going to bed, Die just nodded. "Yeah, gonna get some water and then go to bed, too." He hugged Kyo one more time, cautiously seeing if Fea would give him a hug, too.

Fea tucked an arm at the back of Die's neck, giving him a little hug, following after Die to the kitchen, grabbing three bottles of water and handing one to Die before going to join Kyo in the bedroom. "Night!"

Die took the bottle of water. "Night." He waved at them and then headed off to the bathroom to get a wash cloth to clean under his arms and his lower half. Brushing his teeth as well, he traipsed off to the bedroom, closed the door and just stripped off. Gently washing off, he ditched the cloth in the corner and put on deodorant before flopping on the bed, face-first. He didn't bother with clothing, seeing no point for the time being.

**To Be Continued…**


	52. Chapter 51

The rest of Die's time with Kyo passed relatively fast. The free day was spent mostly lounging around the house, with the exception of the couple hours in which Die convinced Kyo and Fea to go shopping with him to get some new pants and a couple new shirts. Along the way, Die convinced Fea and Kyo to go eat while he got his hair cut, getting it layered and feathered, the now-shoulder-length locks looking so much better with the shape and volume to them. 

The next morning, Die woke early, determined to get his packing completely done by the time Kyo and Fea woke up. He managed to get that done and breakfast created, making simple omelets with cheese, tomato, and bacon in them and some pancakes from scratch, finding some strawberry syrup in the fridge to go with it. Setting it all up, he finally heard one of them stir somewhere in the other room. He lounged against the counter, a glass of orange juice in his hand, a little vodka in it just for the hell of it.

Fea stumbled into the kitchen in sweatpants cut off at the knee, low on his hips. He rubbed his eyes, still sleepy and a little disoriented. "Nn, smells good."

Die smiled at him. "It better. I tried hard." He pushed away from the counter and put his juice down. "Coffee, hot tea, orange juice, milk, or water?"

Fea thought about it for a moment, his voice hoarse with sleep. "Hot tea and orange juice, please. I'll go wake up Kyo." He padded back into the bedroom, crouching down at the foot of the bed and tunneling up under the covers, kissing up Kyo's body and blowing a raspberry against his stomach. Kyo wriggled around, groaning. 

"Babe. Die made breakfast." He continued up Kyo's body, nuzzling his throat. 

Kyo rolled onto his back and grabbed Fea around the neck, kissing him soundly despite morning breath. "Nnn... alright, alright, I'll get up." Despite his words, he pulled Fea against him and continued to fondle and kiss him for a while until he was ready to roll out of bed, pulling on a yukata and going into the kitchen, looking at the food with a little smile.

Die wandered around the kitchen, getting the hot tea ready, making a cup for Kyo and himself as well, assuming that was probably right. He put those out and then got Fea some orange juice sans the vodka and put it at his plate.

Kyo sat down, Fea sitting next to him, holding hands on the table top. The blonde pushed some hair out of his eyes, looking up at Die. "Wow. This is unexpected. Thank you."

Die smiled at him. "I wanted to say thank you... this seemed appropriate." He took his seat as well and then gestured at the pancakes. "If you think those are from a box, you're wrong."

"Where in the hell did I have stuff to make pancakes?" Kyo wondered quietly, taking a few from the stack and putting them on his plate, pouring some strawberry syrup on. He tried some and gave a pleased sound, leaning into Fea's shoulder tiredly. He gave Die a thumbs up. "This is great."

Die laughed softly. "You'd be surprised." He sipped quietly at his drink for a moment before actually trying his breakfast, letting out a soft, satisfied sound. "Perfect."

Fea dug in, waking up slowly. He gestured at the plate with his fork, giving Die a little wink. "Thanks, mate." He and Kyo were still holding hands, thumbs slowly rubbing against each other.

Doe nodded. "Of course." Licking his lips a little to get the syrup off, he murmured, "Can I ask one of you to put the salve on my back today?"

Both of them nodded, leaning on each other between their chairs while they ate. It was also their last day together for a while, since Kyo was flying out very early the next morning, though they were both trying not to show it, knowing it would just make them upset.

Die watched them with some amount of jealousy, his desire to return to something like that with Kaoru growing stronger by the minute. He supposed part of it was actually anticipation and he quietly continued on with breakfast, finishing up after a while and getting up to go do the dishes he'd dirtied when he made breakfast.

Fea finished up and took his plate to the sink, shooing Die out of the way. "You cooked, I'll clean."

Die stuck his tongue out, but he finished the plate he was holding and washed his hands off before moving out of the way, using the dish towel to dry his fingers. For a moment, he leaned on the counter before he wandered off to refill his cup from his 'special' orange juice stash. Using up the rest of it, he tossed the plastic container in the recycle bin and moved off to sit in the living room, not really ready to get dressed just yet. He'd laid out one last set of clothing to change into for the flight.

Kyo finished eating and cleared the table, kissing Fea's arm as he put his plate on the counter for his lover to wash, quickly rinsing his hands before going into the living room. "Where's the stuff?" he asked, making rubbing gestures with his hands to indicate putting the salve on Die's back.

Die looked up. "Oh," he got himself up and headed past Kyo. "Bedroom." Once in said room, he carefully took his silk PJ top off and pulled the salve out of his bag, handing it over to Kyo before settling on the bed. "Should I lie down?"

Kyo shrugged, dipping his fingers into the little jar and wiping a little glob into the palm of his other hand. "Doesn't matter." He waited for Die to settle before starting to rub it in, being gentle and making sure not to leave his skin too sticky.

Die chose to just sit up, figuring it was more appropriate should Fea walk in on it, since otherwise Kyo would pretty much have to straddle him to do it. Not that that didn't make a lovely mental image, but he preferred to keep his proverbial balls. He hummed a little at the touch, closing his eyes and letting Kyo work. "Thanks... it's almost impossible to reach myself."

Kyo laughed a little, making sure he got every part of the tattoo. "At least you won't have to worry about scratching at it, then. I've already caught myself a few times."

"Except the part on my shoulders. I can reach that and oh god... I keep almost doing it. I woke up rubbing at it this morning." He made a face. "I feel like a baby that needs mitts to stop them from scratching themselves."

Kyo snickered. "A trick is to slap at it a little, or rub it with lotion instead of scratching. Just try to get the unscented stuff.” He finished up and grabbed the towel from Die's shower in the little hamper, wiping off his hands. "Smoke?"

"Alright. I'll remember that." Die got up and grabbed his 3/4 sleeved black shirt he was going to be wearing on the flight, pulling it on. Hesitating for half a second, he pushed his pants down and grabbed his underwear, putting his packer in, and then pulling on the dark grey cargo pants that matched the skull on the back of the shirt. Folding up his PJs, he stuffed them into the suitcase and then loaded up his pockets, holding up his cigarettes. "Ready now."

Kyo didn't bother changing, going out onto the balcony in his yukata, curling up in one of his patio chairs and pulling a clove from the pack on the small glass table, lighting it. “So, the latest flight I could find was at 4:15, which means we need to get you there before 3:30, leave here around three. If you're on schedule, you'll be home around 7:30."

Die followed him out and plopped down in the chair beside him. He lit up and then took out his phone, making sure he sent Kaoru his ETA. "How much do I owe you for it?" He was still determined not to mooch off Kyo too much.

Kyo gave him a confused look, then shook his head. "Nothing. Don't worry about it." He leaned his head back and reached over, resting his hand over Die's. "So... like two weeks from now or something, right? That's when you'll be in Japan?"

Die made a little face, but didn't see the point in arguing. He just nodded. "Yeah... something like that. When Kaoru gives me the exact date, I'll text you with it."

Kyo nodded again, patting Die's hand. "It will be less tempting to get all mopey knowing I'll see you again soon. And then not long again after that when me and Fea come through with the tour."

Die smiled. "You're not allowed to get mopey. I'll come see you no matter what, okay?"

"Mmkay..." Kyo smiled a little. The door slid open with a little rolling hiss, Fea stepping out and looking at Kyo, making little flapping gestures to get his arms out of the way so that he could settle down in his lover's lap, an awkward thing with their size difference. Kyo put the clove to Fea's lips and he took a drag, tasting the sweetness on his lips before kissing his lover a little, leaning against him, dwarfing him.

Die looked at the pair of them, his eyebrow hiked up before he figured fuck it and let himself laugh. "Good god. Now I can't get the image of you," he gave Kyo a pointed look, "fucking _him_ out of my head." He snorted. "Great Dane and Chihuahua, indeed."

Kyo turned bright red, Fea hiding his face in the other's blonde hair, giggling. "Um..." Kyo was at a loss for words, looking at Fea, who laughed louder, shaking his head at Die.

"We're an odd couple. Obviously, love is blind."

Die snickered at the two of them. "Love is very... very blind." He gave a sad little smile. "But... seriously... I want photos of you two fucking. In fact... I demand it since I can't see it for myself in reality."

Both of them turned beet red again, Fea laughing nervously. "Hey, you're the one who passed up on that opportunity!" 

Kyo was biting his lip bashfully. _I've got some, and a few videos. I'll e-mail them to you._

"I was feeling a bit overly emotional that day!" He laughed, shaking his head and then smiling at Kyo. "Awesome." He winked at Kyo and then took another drag from his cigarette.

Fea curled up against Kyo, making himself fit in the other's lap, Kyo wrapping an arm around his waist and nuzzling him back. He blinked his green eyes at Die, rubbing his nose. "So how long do you think it will take before you and your boyfriend actually start having sex again?"

Die sighed. "God, I hope not long... but then I keep thinking to myself that maybe that's the one wrong I made... wanting too much of it." He shrugged a little. "So... who knows, I might not be having sex for a good long while to come."

Fea's nose crinkled up and he gave Die an apologetic look. "I think he kind of owes you a piece or two, ya know? You can at least get a few good rounds of sex out of him on the grounds of paying a debt."  
Die gave him a little shrug. "I dunno. I mean... maybe if I start getting desperate." He laughed slightly.

Fea shrugged, looking at Kyo and rubbing their noses together. "What are we gonna do today before he has to leave?"

Kyo kissed him, lifting a shoulder. "I dunno." He looked at Die. "What did you want to do?"

Again, Die shrugged. "I dunno, either." He was still kind of stuck on one thing and he definitely wasn't asking for that.

Fea went back to make little faces at Kyo, kissing at his ears and being cutesy, making Kyo blush and giggle. Finally, Fea got up, going to the door. "Gonna go hit the shower, get dressed." He wandered in and Kyo crossed his legs, trying to hide the hard-on having the other man in his lap had given him, embarrassed.

Sadly for Kyo, Die didn't miss that at all. Desire boiled up inside him and he bit his lip, looking away, a blush staining his cheeks. "Follow him to the shower, Kyo. I'll wait... out here."

Kyo blushed to the tips of his ears, not arguing, just getting up and going inside, slipping into the bathroom after Fea and stripping down, getting into the shower with him. A few minutes later, Die's phone buzzed with Kaoru's response to receiving his ETA. _Okay. I'll make sure to be there early, just in case._ After a moment, wondering if he should even mention it, he added, _I blacked out on my run this morning :(_

Die watched Kyo leave, his eyes dark with lust. Shifting in his seat, he put out the cigarette butt and lit a new one. At the second text, he sighed and typed a message back. _Are you okay?_

Kaoru sniffed, sitting in one of the bar stools. _Mostly. Scraped up and freaked out, but okay._

_Fuck, baby... Please be careful. Maybe I should take a taxi?_

_:( No, I'll be okay. I'm not really supposed to be working out, but I was feeling rebellious and I hate not being able to run. Guess now I know._

Die sighed. _Kaoru, please don't disobey doctor's orders._

Kaoru pouted, feeling scolded like a child. _He said nothing strenuous, so I was only doing two miles. I made it about three quarters of a mile on the river walk trail and woke up face down in gravel. :((((_

 _Damn it, Kaoru. Most people can't even do a mile without feeling like they're dying. Your definition of not strenuous isn't everyone else's._ He sighed and flicked ash off his cigarette.

_Well, that's what I figured, that I wasn't doing anything strenuous as far as what I'm used to. Apparently that's not what he meant._

Taking another drag, he shook his head and muttered, "Idiot," under his breath before texting back. _No more exercise without asking if it's strenuous or not, okay?_

Kaoru shed a few tears, having been crying at the drop of a hat still, lately. He wiped them away and responded, _:/ OK._

 _I'll see you in a few hours, okay, baby?_ He sent it back and took the last draw on his cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray.

When Die came back inside, Kyo was sitting on the couch, looking a little annoyed. "He said he wanted a shower first," he explained, trying to sit so his dick wasn't so obvious. "Then he'd blow me and as a going away present you can watch. I'm not kidding. He said this. He also said you're not obligated to watch."

Die blinked at him, looking shocked and then surprised. Laughing softly, he plopped down on the couch next to Kyo, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "S'all good." He grabbed his glass of orange juice and vodka, taking a long drink of it before putting it back. "I'm sorry you didn't get your shower lovin' though."

Kyo rolled his eyes, shrugging. "It's all good; I think it's overrated in the shower, anyway." He rubbed his nose a little, cutting his eyes at Die. "Plus... well, you've seen his mouth. Holy fuck, he works wonders."

Die chuckled. "Mm... I think anyone could work wonders on _your_ dick, Kyo. It's what makes people want to give head in the first place."

Kyo blinked at Die, taking his drink and sniffing it a little before taking a sip, feeling the slight burn of alcohol. He handed it back, still looking at his friend skeptically. "Thank you?" He bit his lip a little, hearing the shower turn off. His dick hadn't calmed down in the slightest, body ready for release, horny as hell for whatever reason. It was all he had in him not to rub up against Die like some dumb animal in heat. 

Die laughed, letting Kyo have some of his drink. "Flight is better with some booze," he explained.

A few moments later and Fea came out, skin still damp and hair only towel dried, stuck to his bare torso, a tight, worn pair of jeans riding on his slim hips. He strutted into the living room, smirking at Die and gesturing for him to scoot to the end of the couch. "Gotta give me a little work room, man."

When Fea came out, Die chuckled, shrugging and moving over. Better this way anyway. He was too far away to fondle Kyo now and that was more than likely, just as well.

Fea sank down onto his knees, scooting up against the couch and parting Kyo's skinny legs, tugging him to the edge of the cushion, man-handling him around and grabbing him in a rough, thorough kiss. The blonde melted into it instantly, kissing him back and hugging his legs around Fea's back. The tall man made quick work of his lover, pulling open the robe and smoothing his hands all over Kyo's torso before grasping his cock, moving his lips down to that magic spot on Kyo's neck that made him moan like a whore; a high-pitched, gasping sound that made him seem on the edge of orgasm, already. His nails dug into Fea's shoulders and he tried to fight him off as he simultaneously worked to give him more access and pull him closer.

Die felt the heat instantly slam down into his lower regions, his eyes mostly on Kyo, though glancing at what Fea was doing every once in a while. He shivered a little, crossing his legs in an attempt to not make a fool out of himself by ending up with his hand down his pants. Quietly, he sipped at his drink, enjoying the display before him.

Just when he knew Kyo couldn't take anymore, Fea sank back to sit on his heels, trailing his lips over Kyo's chest and down to his cock, kissing along the shaft, making the other's muddy brown eyes flutter shut. Kyo gripped the couch for a moment and then let up, opening his eyes again to watch his lover start to lick at his head, trailing his tongue along the slit and then sucking at the tip, his bright green eyes locked on Kyo's face.

Die watched attentively, his eyes flicking between Kyo's face and the pleasured look he found there, down to his cock with Fea's mouth and tongue working on it. Die's own hips shifted a little, his eyes dark with desire. Okay... so maybe the plane home was going to be a bitch since now he'd be drunk and horny. But he considered it worth it, very much enjoying the display.

Fea continued to tease around for a good while, sucking and licking in moderation, his hands fondling along the inside of Kyo's thighs and over his hips. When he knew the other was ready to force him to move on, he wrapped his arms around Kyo's waist and sank his mouth as far as he could over his cock and started to bob his head.

Die bit hard on his lower lip, trying to stop the little whine of pleasure that bubbled up. He lifted his arm from the back of the couch, putting the back of it over his mouth to doubly stifle any sounds that wanted out. Swallowing thickly, he studied the pair of them, finding this to be way more effective than porn on a screen had ever been.

Fea went slow, using his tongue rather ingeniously and holding onto Kyo's hips, the blonde keeping Fea's dark hair out of his face as he started to fall forward, stroking the damp locks as he watched him, letting out moans and purrs. Edging back to only working at the head again, Fea blinked his big green eyes at Kyo, suckling at the very tip like one might the tip of a popsicle, looking silly. Kyo bit his lip and smiled as his lover kept being playful and strained one side of his lips back, feigning to gnaw on the head with his incisors like a dog working away at a bone. The blonde laughed and batted him away before he actually bit him, both of them laughing, blushing, Fea getting up on his knees to give Kyo a short kiss before sinking back down and slowly starting to suck him again.

Die had to let out a soft chuckle at that, blushing immediately after. He drew his legs up close to his body, wrapping both arms around them, watching over the tops of his knees from his hunched over position. Gnawing on his lip, he shifted his hips again, getting anxious to actually do something rather than just watch. But he wouldn't and he knew it. Instead, he just imagined helping Fea, his hand sliding over Kyo's sac, gently cupping him while he kissed him and Fea blew him.

Kyo gave a groan, his head resting back against the couch before he turned it and looked at Die with a smirk. _I can't tell who you're trying to tease; me, or yourself._ He winked a little before being shocked back to paying full attention to Fea, the other's mouth sliding fully over him, sucking hard and trying not to gag.

The moment Kyo spoke to him in his head, Die turned another shade of red darker. He'd completely spaced on the fact that he was sitting there with two psychics. His next immediate thought was, _Oh shit_ followed promptly with him thinking of flowers and elephants, burying his face in his knees while he tried desperately to rid himself of the improper thoughts. Sometimes he just wanted to beat his head into the nearest available surface. He wasn't stupid... not by a far stretch, but he was possibly one of the most oblivious people on the entire planet and that tended to bite him in the ass an awful lot.

Fea let up just a little and Kyo reached out, grabbed Die's ankle and giving it an affectionate little squeeze as a wordless way of telling him it was alright before both of his hands went back to Fea's hair, a loud moan leaving him as his lover began to deep throat him again, this time with determination, eager to get him off. The noises that left Kyo seemed almost inhuman, too concentrated with lust to be human, but such was his voice, anyway. When he came, it was with a rough, wordless scream, body bowed and strained, and sated. Fea milked him for a moment before sitting back, having swallowed everything, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, rubbing the tops of Kyo's thighs and watching him as he came down.

At the squeeze on his ankle, he figured he could at least look up again, though he firmly kept his thoughts circulating through types of flowers, trying to just see, not think. Still his body coursed with arousal, the visual stimulation more than enough. When Kyo came, Die bit down on the insides of his cheeks until his mouth filled with blood, trying desperately not to be nearly as turned on as he was and to make sure he didn't make any sounds. His eyes flickered over Kyo's body and then down to look at Fea. His thoughts continued. _Mums, daisies, roses, carnations, dogwood blossoms...._

An odd look passed between Fea and Kyo as the former scooted up and reached to wrap his arms around Kyo before they both looked at Die oddly. Fea was the one to voice their confusion, asking as gently as possible, "What are you doing?"

Die blinked before glancing almost frantically between them. Could they still tell even under the obvious thoughts of flowers? Dread kind of boiled up in his stomach and he finally just burst out with, "I'm so sorry," before burying his face in his knees. He wanted to bolt off, but he knew that wasn't a wise choice given that he was in a city he wasn't familiar with and would be leaving on a flight later in the day. His most prominent thoughts were those of thinking how much of an idiot he was.

Fea looked at Kyo again, closing his lover's robe and curling up in his lap, looking at Die. "I... flowers? I'm just confused."

Die sighed, just allowing himself to think at both of them instead of voice something out loud. _I kind of forgot both of you could read my mind... my thoughts were uncalled for. I kind of think about flowers to get thoughts to go away... or random other stuff, but flower types is easiest._

Fea's brow furrowed a little and he titled his head. "I didn't offer to let you watch because it's performance art. You're allowed to get turned on by it."

Die's face felt hot as he lifted it from his knees, studying Fea for a long moment before just nodding. With a sigh, he shifted a little and grimaced at the slickness of his nether regions. There were times in Die's life where he really thought he was mentally challenged and anything to do with relationships and sex fell into those times. He was either behaving ridiculously or was too goddamn turned on for his own good.

Rubbing a hand over his face, he murmured, "I feel kind of retarded."

Fea tried to give him a soft smile, nuzzling Kyo. "He's got no middle ground, does he?"

Kyo laughed a little, petting Fea's hair. "Yeah." He turned his head to look at Die, reaching out again to lay a hand on the top of his foot. "Always all or nothing."

Die listened to them, not really saying anything because it really had all been said. He knew it was his biggest issue, but the hardest to get rid of. He shifted again, freezing halfway through the motion because of how ridiculously good it felt. Okay... so obviously the stupid meds weren't changing his arousal any, despite him trying to do something about it by switching types. Stupid.

Slowly, he lowered himself back down to the couch, not moving the way he'd intended at all.

Fea gave an exaggerated pout at Die, both he and Kyo reaching out an arm to him at the same time in offer of a hug.

For a moment, he looked kind of shocked. But then they were offering to hug him and he couldn't help but move into their embrace, leaning his head on Kyo's shoulder, arms around both of them. It was a few moments before he spoke up. "I feel like no matter how hard I try to like myself, I fall right back into hating pieces of me more than anything else on this earth."

The words made Fea feel like he'd been hit in the chest for some reason, resting his cheek in Die's hair and pulling his fingers through the red strands. "I'm sorry..." Kyo's fingers rubbed at Die's shoulder, his nose pressed against his friend's arm.

Die shook his head a little. “It's nothing you did. I just can't keep myself from certain thoughts or from feeling certain things." He sighed and then sniffed a bit. "I had the doctor change my meds in hopes that the new ones wouldn't make me as aroused as the old ones. But it's just the same. And without them, I have to give up everything I've been working so hard for... and then I have no libido at all." He gave a little shrug. "I'm not the only thing in this world that's all or nothing. Apparently these meds are, too."

Fea tugged Die a little closer to him, nuzzling on him like a cat. "Have you thought about doing injections instead, so you've got like a drop-off period for a few days before each dose?"

"I'm allergic to the shit they put in there with it. I dunno what it's called, but the mixture stuff." He made a face. "I broke out in terrible hives. That's what they started me on, since it wouldn't be an everyday kind of thing." He crawled a little closer, slumping against them, feeling warm and protected for the first time in a while.

Fea shifted around a bit to make Die a little more comfortable fit between the two of them. Kyo put an arm around the redhead's waist. "I still think maybe you should try half-doses or every other day or something. Just for a while to see if there's a change. If it really bothers you and interferes that badly, it's worth a try."

Somehow Die enjoyed the tangle of limbs and the fact that both people seemed to care about him. "Maybe I will try the halves... we'll see how it makes me feel. I know I can't do every other day, the drop-off from it is severe and I'd be in constant emotional turmoil... more than usual." His hands moved by themselves, one caressing Kyo's hip a little and the other running over Fea's chest. Neither touch was meant to be erotic, more he was just starved for physical attention.

Kyo hummed his understanding, both he and Fea just nuzzling on Die for a little while in that sort of half-asleep relaxed state of post-orgasm, Kyo's laxness seeming to permeate the room. After a little while, he gave Die's hair a gentle tug and patted Fea's leg. "Alright, let me up, I have to pee."

Arousal instantly sparked back through Die and he knew they both had to have gotten something from the brief images his mind had allowed itself to have. He swallowed hard, pushing himself up, standing there awkwardly.

If they did, however, neither acknowledged it, rather mercifully. Fea shifted and Kyo got up, padding off to the bathroom to clean up, piss, and get dressed. Fea sat himself down cross-legged on the couch, looking at Die and reaching out to flick some of his hair out of his eyes. "I like your hair like that."

Die just watched Kyo go, only zoning back in when Fea pushed his hair back. "Hmm? Oh... really?" He ran a hand through it gently. "It feels better. It doesn't look like a shapeless lump anymore either."

Fea chuckled softly, pulling all of his long hair over one shoulder and finger combing it. "I go through phases where I want to cut all mine off because I've had it for so long, but... I know I'd hate myself, so, I put color in it and do bangs sometimes to stave off the temptation to cut it really short."

"Really short was... liberating... but I miss it long." He gestured to show Fea how long it had been and gave a rueful look. "One day... it's hair... it grows back."

Fea's eyes widened when Die indicated the former length. "Wow. I'm sure, though, for you, it was pretty liberating, social identification with ‘boys have short hair’ and all."

"Read through a lot of forums and all of them told me I should do something to make myself feel more manly. Wardrobe changes and cutting the hair were the top two. I'd already done the first years ago, so..." he shrugged, "obvious decision." He curled up on the couch, the slickness of down below making him wince again. "Once Kyo's done... I should... uh... clean up a little." He ducked his head, knowing how it probably sounded, but begging in his mind for it not to be taken that way.

Fea gave a lopsided smile. "I _have_ actually been with women, you know, I know how it works down there. You don't have to be quite so embarrassed about it. If you weren't aroused after watching that, I think I'd be a little offended, honestly."

Die couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks, nor the little tiny smile that flirted around his lips. "Yeah... except I'm like... some kind of waterfall or something down below. Most people get a little wet... I go from zero to holy fuck like," he snapped his fingers, "that."

Fea rocked back into the couch, laughing, clapping his hands a little. "Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I had to work and work to get girls wet through the fumbling sexual years of high school, and then I met this girl a couple years ago and before I could get her clothes off, she had already soaked her panties. We were drunk and I thought she'd pissed herself."

Die let out a rasping laugh, shaking his head. "Yeah, like that... it's fucking embarrassing sometimes. I mean it soaks through my underwear and my pants." Part of him couldn't believe he was actually sharing this, but the other part found it therapeutic, like a breath of fresh air. Taking his chances, he murmured, "Ever been with a girl that uh... squirts... during orgasm?"

Fea thought for a minute before nodding. "Yeah, sort of. Not porn squirting, but yeah."

Die worried his lip for a moment before murmuring, "I don't think Kaoru's gotten used to it yet... I think it sort of weirds him out."

Fea quirked a brow, shrugging. "I mean, it's the same as a guy cumming."

Die took a minute to deliberate before finally deciding if he was to be judged for a stupid fetish when he wasn't judged for not entirely being male, that was retarded. "I think he might think I'm peeing on him." He winced a little, studying one of his toenails.

Fea couldn't help but laugh, again shrugging. "Enh. So long as it doesn't smell like it or stain, right?" He rubbed at his knee a little, tugging it up against his chest. "It's messy, sure, but sex is supposed to be."

"It just stains like cum does... kinda. It comes out in the wash." He lifted one shoulder a little. "I read things that said it would stop after I had my female parts taken out... but it didn't."

"Odd. The two women I was with that could do it said it felt amazing, though."

He nodded. "It does... when I don't the orgasm just feels kind of pitiful." He glanced toward the bathroom, wondering why Kyo wasn't done yet.

Fea bit his lip, blushing a little before he admitted, "I feel kind of like that with biting sometimes. I know it's different, but... still."

Die's eyes flickered darker for a moment. "Hnn... I can imagine." He wet his lips, images flashing through his mind again, though this time he didn't try to override them with thoughts of flowers.

Fea blushed again, rubbing at his shoulder over a fading bruise. "I've got to be careful, though. He's got such a distinct bite pattern, any of his fans that were looking close enough would feed the rumor mill."

Die's eyes burned brighter and he nodded. "Hip... inner thigh... just put it where you're not showing off skin, that's all."

Fea laughed. "Clever, but those aren't exactly places he can reach when we're fucking."

"Yeah... good point." He ran a finger over his lips. "Ear or something? I dunno. That could be a little dangerous in the heat of the moment."

Fea made a face and put a hand over his ears. "Yeah, I'm not into the whole Mike Tyson thing." He shrugged a little, putting his hands back down. "We'll have to figure something out."

"I hope you do," Die murmured, shifting again and wincing. He let out an irritated sound at the stickiness. "Fuck... this flight is gonna suck."

The taller man held back a laugh, his shoulders shaking a little.

Kyo came out a minute later all put together; dressed, his hair brushed out and straightened a little, smelling like body spray and tooth paste. He plopped down between them and snuggled up into Fea's side, pouting. "This is my last day with both of you for a while. Definitely blows."

The moment Kyo plopped down, Die got up. "I'll be back," he told them both before hurrying out of the room and into the bathroom. Quickly, he yanked down his jeans and his underwear, putting the packer to the side. He settled on the toilet and grabbed a wad of toilet paper, reaching down to mop himself up with an irritated sound. But the moment the paper touched him, his hips jerked, body practically begging for attention.

This was getting fucking stupid. No way in hell he was asking for the goddamn dildo again. Almost angrily, he wiped up as much of the mess as he could before he tossed the paper in the toilet and flushed. Getting up, he tugged his underwear back on, put the packer back in place, and yanked his jeans up. He washed his hands and then came back out, plopping on the couch again, feeling foolish.

Kyo was curled against Fea's chest, hair hiding most of his face. They were oddly quiet, Fea's long fingers smoothing over the blonde hair, nose pressed in it.

Die shifted closer, gently putting a hand on Kyo's back. He wanted to tell him it'd be okay, that he'd get to see them both again, soon, but he didn't know exactly how to word it.

Kyo sniffed, reaching back and grabbing Die's wrist, tugging him against his back as he pressed more into Fea, biting his lip hard. He hated crying, absolutely despised it, but that did not negate the fact that he did it sometimes, anyway. The looming sense of loneliness had seized him just by voicing that it was his last day before going back to Japan, that he wouldn't have either of them for a while, a prospect that was particularly scary with Fea, who he hoped wouldn't turn out to just be a fling with their time apart.

Die curled up close to them again, cradling Kyo in his arms, giving Fea a look that pleaded with him to help him make everything okay. He knew how much Kyo hated to cry and it hurt him to see the other like this. He leaned down, gently kissing the top of Kyo's head. "Sshh... it's okay... you know damn well I'll come see you, no matter what, okay?"

Kyo shook, looking like a child with both of them. Fea was not dry-eyed, for certain, biting his lip as Kyo could only nod furiously to Die's question, letting out a tiny sob. The blonde's voice softly entered Die's mind, asking quietly _Could you give us a minute? Maybe go smoke or something?_

 _Sure._ Die drew away, getting up and slipping out on the balcony, hanging over the rail to look out across the city. After a moment, he pulled out his phone and took a photo of it, saving it and putting it back in his pocket. His mind flitted away, wandering over what he was going to do about the whole talking with Kaoru thing. He'd made his list yesterday, but he figured he'd just speak to him about each point on it and then allow Kaoru a moment to tell him his responses.

Fea watched Die go, shifting to pull Kyo a little more into his lap. The petite man sniffed and wiped his eyes, pulling back enough to look up at the other, feeling his throat try to close up. "I have something to tell you," he managed to get out. He saw a look of worry go across Fea's face, felt the jolt of fear that something bad was about to happen go through him on impulse. 

He sighed, hoping what he had to say wouldn't warrant that reaction. His hands smoothed up and down Fea's biceps, eyes averted to the tattoo on his chest for a moment before he finally met his eyes again and all but blurted out, "I love you."

Fea sat still for a moment, just looking at him, licking his lips and letting the statement sink in. Slowly, he lifted a hand to cup Kyo's cheek, turning his face up and leaning down to kiss him. Kyo's eyelids fluttered shut and he melted into the kiss, a few hot tears rolling down his cheeks to know he'd miss this kiss so much over the next several weeks. When Fea pulled back, Kyo wasn't sure what to expect, was so nervous he almost missed his lover breathing out against his lips, "I love you, too." For a long moment, they sat nose-to-nose in silence before Fea reached to brush away Kyo's tears, which had stopped, and gave him a little squeeze. "We'll figure this out. Impulsive as we are, I know this isn't short term."

Kyo hugged him back, fitting against him easily as he nodded. He reached out to Die, not sure if he was feeling happy or sad. _Okay, you can come back now._

Die didn't so much mind being outside. Really the breath of fresh air helped... well, as fresh as air could be in LA. He noticed a flower vendor on the street corner down below and absently wondered if flowers would last the flight back to Kaoru. It wasn't long after that he felt the touch of Kyo's mind on his own and he pushed away from the railing, coming back inside.

He studied the two of them for a moment before he eased himself back down on the couch, though not as close as before. "Think flowers would last the flight home?"

Kyo shifted around to face Die, thinking. "I'm not sure. I don't know if you'd be able to take flowers on the plane, though."

"Yeah... good point. I'll just hope for some there at the airport." He pulled one leg up to wrap his arms around, leaning his cheek on his knee. Remnants of his and Kaoru's argument flitted through his brain until he forced it to stop, taking in a deep breath. "Are things okay with you two?"

Both of them nodded, leaning into each other subconsciously. Kyo stuck out a foot and toed Die's calf. "You?"

Die offered a little smile. "Trying... kinda feel like that's going to be the answer for a while, ya know?"

Kyo frowned a little, but nodded his understanding. He looked up at the clock; it was a little after noon. "Do you maybe want to find a movie on TV for us to watch before you have to go?"

"Sure... what kind of movie?" he asked softly, scooting over to get the remote and pressing the power button, the satellite box turning on as well. He flipped to guide mode and started through the channels with movies.

Kyo shrugged, Fea turning a little to try and stretch out, seeing if they could dog-pile it on the couch. "I don't care. Whatever you find interesting."

Die flipped through channels until he found a pay per view movie he'd been wanting to see for a while about a couple of bank robbers. He paused, but then kept going, trying to get past the pay per view channels and back into what was free.

Kyo sort of batted him with his foot. "Oh do it! I don't bat an eye to buy you a plane ticket, I'm not going to get cranky over four-ninety-nine."

"Okay, okay." He laughed, rolling his eyes and going back to it, punching in that he wanted the movie and selecting that the charges were okay. Almost immediately the movie started up and Die put the remote down, curling up on the far end of the couch so he didn't disturb them.

Fea nudged him with his feet, trying to stretching out, Kyo laid back-to-chest with him. "Hey hey, come on now. Pile on." Kyo chuckled and opened his arms to Die, scooting to try and make room for Die to fit between his legs.

For the smallest moment he hesitated before he moved, coming to curl up on Kyo. He squirmed between his legs and then slid his arm around him, putting his cheek against his chest and settling down to watch the movie. _Just shove me in the floor if I do something stupid._

Kyo stuck his tongue out. _Will do._

Fea shifted to get comfortable under both of them, one hand linked with Kyo's, the other resting on Die's back, settling in the watch the movie.

Almost an hour in, Die found himself dozing on Kyo rather than watching. It was just so warm and comforting and he felt like he could relax there. It wasn't that he wasn't enjoying the movie... not at all.

Kyo and Fea got into the film, but Kyo knew the minute Die started to drop off, just smiling and petting his hair, enjoying the comfort of having him around for a while longer. Another hour, and they'd have to start getting ready to take Die to the airport.

Die kind of jerked himself awake, the remnants of a dream clinging to his conscious mind. It had been such a lovely dream; Kaoru had been taking him while he watched Fea do the same to Kyo. He let out a quiet huff of breath and reached up to rub at his eyes, not quite aware of where he was just yet.

Kyo wrapped Die's hair around his finger, playing with it still, letting Die keep his dream to himself, not wanting to embarrass him again. It was clear the movie was nearly ending, which to Kyo meant the time for Die to go was getting closer and closer and he tried not to be sad about it again.

Die shifted a little, nuzzling into Kyo and making all the tiny sounds he tended to when he woke up. His nose nuzzled into Kyo's neck, hot breath ghosting over his skin, Die still not entirely with it.

Kyo tried not to snicker at the nuzzling, or the way Die's breath against his neck tickled, hugging his friend to him a little more, Fea completely oblivious to either of them, watching the hyped up climax of the movie.

His lips gently tasted Kyo's neck, but the taste he found wasn't the one he thought he would and immediately he buried his face in Kyo's shoulder, his body a little tense, preparing to be shoved in the floor like he'd told him to.

Kyo chuckled a little, tickling Die's side a bit to let him know it was okay, he knew Die was just sleep-nuzzling. When the movie finished, he nudged him a little, tugging gently at his hair. "We've got about thirty minutes before you've got to leave. You're already packed, right?"

Die calmed down, just settling down again. "Yeah... I'm packed," he murmured. "Did that this morning before I made breakfast."

Kyo nodded, patting Die's back. "Wanna go out for a smoke?" Fea was switching the channel away from the movie's credits to the music station Kyo usually kept on, turning the volume down to a background level.

Die shifted a little and finally got himself to sit up. He gave a little nod before standing up, weaving his way toward the balcony as he stretched out the kinks from sleeping.

Kyo went out on the balcony, leaning on the rail and lighting a cigarette. Fea headed off to grab a t-shirt and brush out his hair before joining them, going around to the other side of the balcony to get his pack of cigarettes. Kyo leaned back and looked at Die. "So, here's a question. Do you want to say our goodbyes here and take a cab to the airport, or do you want me to go with you to LAX?"

Die studied him, thinking about it. He wanted to be with Kyo as long as he could, but he also knew he'd make a scene... and he didn't want to risk Kyo's contract by hanging on him sobbing... again. "I'll take a cab," he murmured. "Then I can cry on you without risking your job."

Kyo gave him a sad smile, nodding. "Yeah, I figured it might be emotionally easier for both of us if we didn't have to part in public."

Die nodded a little, finally digging out a cigarette and lighting it up. "Yeah... god knows I shed enough tears to float a boat."

Kyo shook his head, trying to smile again. He knew it would be emotional, but he hoped perhaps they'd both be happier knowing they'd see each other again in a few weeks. Fea came back around to their side of the balcony and sat down, popping his neck. "I think I'll probably get out of your two's hair and check my email here in a minute or something. It was really good meeting you though, Die, I'm glad you came."

Die moved over to Fea, leaning down and wrapping his arms around him, hugging him briefly. He turned his head and whispered in Fea's ear. "You treat him right... I mean it. 'Cause I know damn well he's gonna treat you right." He pulled back and studied him. "You're awesome... stay that way, alright?"

Fea hugged him back, blushing fiercely for a whole collection or reasons, only able to nod as any form of answer. He finished his cigarette quickly and snubbed it out, standing and patting Die's arm. "Have a good flight." He went back inside, leaving them out on the balcony, Kyo shifting closer to Die. "When you're in Japan, I promise, I'll make sure I have at least one full day aside for just you and me, okay? Hopefully we can make it to Kyoto, you'll love it there."

Die nodded at Fea and then looked over at Kyo. "I hope so. I really enjoy my time with you... a lot." He pulled Kyo into his arms, careful not to burn him with the cigarette.

Kyo leaned back into him, resting his head on Die's shoulder. "I really don't want to get all weepy about saying goodbye. I hate feeling sad when you leave. I want to try and focus on the fact that the next time I see you will be in Japan, maybe even in my hometown."

"Yeah... at least it won't be too long. And I mean it... even if everything between me and Kaoru goes south, I'll let you know and we'll find a way I can get out there, okay?"

Kyo gave a weary grin, nodding. "Oh, I'll pretty much demand you come stay with me if that happens." He nuzzled Die's shoulder. "I hope it doesn't go south, though... he's a fuck-up and an idiot, but he loves you."

Die nodded. "I know... if I didn't know that, I wouldn't be going back at all, Kyo." He ran his hands over Kyo's arms before turning to toss his cigarette in the ashtray and going right back to holding the other man. "You know something...?"

"Hmm?" Kyo asked, linking his fingers together over Die's hip.

"You're so much stronger than I am. I've been killing myself all this time trying to resist just the simplest things with you." He pressed a light kiss to the top of Kyo's head. "The only thing stopping me at all is the knowledge that you love Fea."

Kyo felt a mixture of sadness and anger flash through him a moment and he stood up straight again, looking at Die. "Why are you telling me this?"

Die sighed, pulling back. "I'm sorry." Immediately regret flashed through him and he turned away to the door, pulling it open and going inside. He went straight to the bedroom and closed the door, locking it before he broke down in tears, falling to his knees at the foot of the bed and sobbing into it. Sometimes he really was the biggest goddamn idiot in the world. The tone of Kyo's voice was one he knew for certain he never wanted to hear again and he knew in that moment that he needed to kill and burn any feelings he had for Kyo, just wipe them all away. It wasn't fair to Kyo, no matter what it was or wasn't to Die himself. And it wasn't fair to Kaoru... or Fea.

He shifted, pulling out his phone and finding the number for a cab company and using their text service to say where he needed to be picked up. He was told twenty minutes in the reply message. He just tossed the phone on the bed, pushing his face back into the mattress, soaking it with tears.

Kyo stayed on the balcony where he could shed his angry tears in privacy, smoking another cigarette and taking his time with it before going in. Carefully, he stood at Die's door, just pressing his hands to it. _Die... I'm sorry. It hurts, this thing between us, you know that. I'm honestly better pretending to be oblivious about it._

Die heard him, but he didn't reply, not knowing at all what to say. He just felt like a total douchebag and he kind of wished right then that he had never allowed himself to get so close to Kyo. It hurt more knowing he'd have to pretty much kill all of his feelings for him in order to get rid of the bad ones. His only friend in the whole goddamn world and he knew the only way was to push him away, to be cold and distant and make Kyo want to only be friends with Fea. But he didn't want to do that anymore than he wanted to lob off an arm or a leg. In fact, that would have been easier.

Kyo let his forehead fall forward onto the door and he sighed. Please don't be like this. Please, please don't leave on a bad note. I'm sorry I snapped, I just... in one way, it's good to know if things don't work out with Kaoru and Fea, we've got each other, but at the same time, the feelings that make that possible hurt because we can't act on them right now. I love you, Die, you know that, and I love having you as a friend. Just... it's hard sometimes to let myself think that's all I want out of you.

Die shifted, his cheek pressed to the comforter, tears still streaking down his cheeks. He sniffed, staring at the door. _All I ever wanted was a kiss... I just wanted to feel... wanted. Just one more time before I go back to what might as well be hell._ He rubbed at his face with the palm of his hand. _I'm going to try to get rid of the feelings I have for you... I'm sorry I ever had them, but I don't control my heart. It controls itself. It's not fair to anyone that I care about you in a way I shouldn't and I'm so sorry._

Kyo listened and wanted to throttle Die and grant his wish for a kiss at the same time. He slapped one hand against the door. "Unlock the fucking door, Die."

Die swallowed hard, wincing at the slap on the door and the demand to open the door. He sighed softly, getting up and going to flip the lock before sinking back down on the floor so he could hide his face in the bed.

Kyo opened the door and shut it back behind him, not a slam, but not gentle. He switched to Japanese to ensure Fea wouldn't hear anything suspicious. Already, it felt like they were dancing the borders of infidelity. "I swear if you fucking push me away, I'll beat the shit out of you. I hate this, Die. I hate wanting to be with you when I know it's not the right time for us, if there ever will be a right time. I want to be your friend, but sometimes you make it really hard to ignore everything else, and I'm sure you feel the same way. I can't kiss you. I want to, believe me, I do, but I can't. That's a floodgate I know I couldn't patch, alright?"

"I was just trying to be honest with you. I'm sorry, but it's the way I am." His voice was muffled by the comforter, as he refused to turn his head at all. "You said it yourself, I'm all or nothing. It's probably why I don't have any other friends." He finally pushed himself up from the bed, wiping furiously at his eyes. "I called a cab and I'm leaving in like fifteen minutes. I'll do my damnedest to get rid of my feelings for you before Japan... I swear to god I will." Finally, he looked at Kyo. "If you think I don't hate myself for loving two people at once, you're wrong. I hate myself all the damn time for it. And I hate that I can't seem to bury it right."

Kyo sighed and sat down on the bed, touching Die's cheek. "I hate making you feel like this, but it's the same for me, too. If it's right, one day it will happen, but I really hope you don't swing all the way back and I lose your friendship, too. You're all I've really got, Die. You're one of the few people I can be myself around."

Die almost winced away from the touch, not wanting to get into any more trouble. He looked ready to burst into tears again, a fact which became more obvious when he started talking, his voice strained. "I don't want to lose your friendship either, but I'm already doing a damn good job of making you angry with me." He stared down at his hands, tears streaking down his cheeks again. "I don't know what to do, Kyo! I'm not good at keeping things to myself."

Kyo brushed a tear away with his thumb, his chest feeling like it was gripped in a vice. "Go home to Kaoru. See what you can salvage. If it isn't much... we'll figure it out from there."

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," he whispered, bowing his head and allowing himself to break down again. "I'm more s-sorry than you'll ever know," he let out.

Kyo said nothing, had no idea what to say, letting Die cry himself out, rubbing his back.

It took him a few minutes before he got down to just hiccupping little dry sobs, the tears having run out. He was shaking slightly, despite trying to stop it. Pressing his palms to his eyes, he whispered, "Forgive me... please, god, forgive me."

Kyo bit his lip hard, shaking his head. "There's nothing to forgive. The more we stew on this, the worse it will get, anyway." He slid down onto his knees and hugged Die tightly. "Come on," he said in a soft voice, "I'll help you carry your things to the lobby."

Die nodded a little, though the words he wanted to hear more than anything were 'I forgive you,' because he felt like he'd done a million and one things wrong since he'd come out here. Maybe coming in the first place had been a mistake as well. Though, in the end, it was kind of a testament to how Kyo felt about Fea. If he'd avoided doing anything he shouldn't with Die, then he loved Fea far more than he loved Die. The thought sobered him up and he wondered if he had thought it clear enough that Kyo caught it, not intentionally broadcasting it, but thinking it right at the forefront. He allowed himself to hug Kyo back for a moment before pulling away. "Gonna wash my face," he murmured, getting up and stumbling off to the bathroom.

Kyo nodded, getting Die's suitcase and rolling it to the door.

Die washed his face off, blowing his nose and then made sure to use the bathroom one more time before he left. Plane bathrooms were gross in his opinion and he didn't like using them. Washing up again, he left the room, going to get his other bag and his laptop carry-on. At the door, he just studied Kyo for a long moment and then took hold of his other suitcase. "I guess this is goodbye then."

Kyo bit his lip. He was going to take Die down to the lobby, but he guessed he was leaving from here. "Don't say it like that, it sounds so finite." He got up on his toes and hugged Die again. "Text me when you get home and keep me updated. I'll see you in a few weeks, okay?"

He sniffed a little, trying not to cry again. For a moment, he just stood there, holding his bags, not hugging Kyo back, still feeling like an asshole. But he knew if he didn't ever see him again, if he really had ruined it all, he'd forever regret not hugging him one last time. Letting go of both bags, he put his arms around Kyo, hugging him close, tears cascading down his cheeks again. "Please... just tell me you forgive me... please," he whispered.

Kyo squeezed him hard. "I told you, you didn't do anything that needs forgiving, it's just a shitty situation." He hated that Die was obviously taking on so much blame for this that wasn't even his, really. "But fine, I forgive you." He ruffled Die's hair and little and let go. "You'll keep in touch, right?" His eyes looked desperate.

Die let him go, almost reluctant before he nodded a little. "Yeah... I will." He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, and then opened the door, pushing on his flip-flops and dragging his suitcases out the door after him. He made it all the way down the hall and into the elevator before he broke down again, hanging his head and crying while he waited on the contraption to take him to the lobby.

Kyo closed the door behind him, leaning against it and pushing his hands into his hair. There were a thousand different emotions, Die's and his own, swirling around the air. It hurt and confused him and made him feel like he was already a bad boyfriend to Fea, hoping the other wouldn't pick up on it. With a sigh, all he could do was hope Die wouldn't push him away and figure all the other tangled mess out a little at a time.

**To Be Continued…**


	53. Chapter 52

The flight was a rough one, the entire ride mixed with turmoil and turbulence, both of the emotional and the physical varieties. By the time they landed - almost an hour behind schedule - Die felt like he was going to throw up and he knew it had nothing to do with the physical turbulence they'd experienced, nor with the landing from hell.

Leaving the plane behind, he made a pit-stop in the bathroom to wash up and try to look better than he felt. For Kaoru's sake, he needed to try to be happy and positive, but he really still just felt like shit. It didn't help that he honestly didn't know if Kaoru really wanted him back or not.

He stopped by and picked up some flowers, a bunch of red snapdragons and white chrysanthemums with ivy as the greenery on it. Finally, he made his way past security, texting Kyo and Kaoru at the same time. _Here._

Kaoru had arrived an hour early, nervous as hell. He watched the arrivals board like a hawk, anxious and a little scared. When he got the text, he stood up, firing back _I'm in the main lobby by baggage._ He got up on his toes, his heart thumping every time he saw even the slightest hint of red, then falling again when he realized it wasn't Die. He had been biting at his lips so much, they were red and a little swollen.

Die made it down the escalators and over toward baggage, getting the text back and starting to look out for Kaoru. All he needed to do was get his one big suitcase, the rest of it had been carry-on. Spying him, he felt his heart simultaneously fill with dread and elation. How that was possible, he wasn't sure, but it was happening, either way. He headed toward him, the flowers in one hand, suitcase in the other.

As soon as he spotted Die, Kaoru's eyes overflowed with tears. He wanted to break into a run and fling his arms around Die, but he didn't want to assume they were anywhere near okay enough for that to be appropriate. Instead, he walked over as calmly as possibly, unable to keep the ridiculous smile off his face, still crying like an idiot, so glad to see him and so afraid he didn't really want to be there.

The tears on Kaoru's face made Die break down all over again. He practically shoved the flowers in Kaoru's arms before yanking him into a hug, burying his nose against Kaoru's neck. "I missed you," he whispered out, his tears wetting Kaoru's shirt.

Kaoru didn't resist, getting the hand now holding the flowers out of the way fast enough to be crushed up against Die, squeezing him back hard, crying against his neck. "I missed you, too. Fuck, so much..." He took big deep breaths of Die's scent, something he hadn't been able to recapture with just a spritz of his lover's cologne. He didn't let go, savoring how Die felt against him, hugging him tightly and all but sobbing with relief.

Knowing the only words he'd wanted to hear from Kyo, he knew exactly what Kaoru wanted to hear from him. Kissing his cheek, he murmured, "I forgive you." Because if he didn't, then they'd never get anywhere at all. He pulled back a little, seeing the luggage carousel start to move. "Let's get my bag and go home."

Kaoru wiped his eyes hurriedly, nearly missing the words, not really able to catch up just then, and nodded. He took Die's other bag and carried it for him, following over to baggage claim, tucking the flowers into his elbow. He blushed at them a little. "Thank you."

Die tugged his bag along, going over to the carousel and leaving Kaoru with his current bag. He nodded, slipping over and waiting with the other people until his bag came down. He grabbed it and hauled it over to Kaoru, fishing out his certificate to prove it was his bag, getting hold of the other one as well. He showed it to the person at the exit of the baggage area and then motioned for Kaoru to come with him. "Where'd you park?"

Kaoru tagged along, digging his keys out of his pocket. "In the garage." He got ahead and walked over the pedestrian bridge to the parking garage, going down to the bottom level and finding his car, popping the trunk and putting Die's bags in. He was still crying a little, overwhelmed and not sure if he should just act normal or what.

Once they'd made it to the car, Die took Kaoru in his arms again, holding him tight, not caring who saw. He pushed his nose into Kaoru's hair, just remaining like that for a good long while.

Kaoru speared one hand in Die's hair, the other around his waist, tucking close to him. Closing his eyes, he tried to just breathe and ignore all the bullshit and simply cherish being with Die for a moment. After a minute or so, he shifted a little. "How was LA?"

Die let out a little huff that sounded kind of like a laugh. "Um... LA was... LA. Kyo and Fea make a great couple." He didn't really want to get into telling Kaoru that he'd just royally fucked his friendship with Kyo. That wasn't really Kaoru's concern. Besides, he needed to patch this up first. Maybe his and Kyo's issues would heal with time. He could only hope.

Kaoru gently patted him on the shoulder. "C'mon... let's go home."

He pulled away and went around the car, laying the flowers in the back seat and then getting in and starting the engine. He'd cleaned the house and made sure all of Die's favorite foods were in the kitchen, washed Makoto, and fed a meal worm to the fly trap after watering it. There were a few other things, but he wasn't sure if he had the nerve to pull them out of his proverbial bag of tricks yet, or if they'd even be appropriate. He didn't want it to come off like he was kissing ass to be manipulative; it was genuine and he wanted Die to know it.

Die got in and buckled up, sagging in the seat. He wiped at his face, searching around in his pockets until he found a tissue, blowing his nose and then settling down. "So... what've you been up to besides what you've told me?"

Kaoru shook his head a little. "Trying to keep up with work around meetings and not having a complete nervous breakdown. Taking photos." He shrugged a little, getting on the highway to take the quicker route to their house.

Die nodded a little. "Yeah... sorry to say I haven't been applying for jobs while I was gone. I'll start again tomorrow."

Kaoru didn't say anything. It wasn't his place to push Die to get another job, and who knew if they would even still be sharing an income for long. He hoped so, but he wasn't going to count on it. The thought alone made him start to tear up again and he bit his lip to keep from it, gripping the wheel hard. Getting off on the exit, he licked his lips a little, looking briefly over at Die. "I..." He sighed, looking at the red light and trying not to cry. "I love you, ya know..."

Die reached over, gently rubbing Kaoru's shoulder. "I know... I love you, too, Kaoru. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here."

A tiny sound left Kaoru and he reached up, grabbing Die's hand and holding it against his chest, turning when the light changed to green and heading towards their neighborhood. "I don't know how I'll ever make this up to you, but I'll do everything I can."

"I already told you... I forgive you," he replied, his voice sincere. "If I hold a grudge forever, it'll just tear us apart. I don't want that."

Kaoru pursed his lips in a frown. "It's not about being forgiven; I can't take that for granted and just go back to treating you like shit. I let my own issues hurt you and I said things I'll never forgive _myself_ for."

"I know... and we're going to sit down and discuss things, one by one. It's the only way I see for us to move on. But you do need to know that I forgive you and I love you. Before anything else." He squeezed Kaoru's hand gently.

Kaoru nodded again, pulling down their street and around to the alley behind the house, parking. He got out and grabbed his flowers, then popped the trunk to get Die's bags. The pen was empty, but Makoto could be heard barking at the back door.

Die got out of the car, going around and grabbing both rolling bags, letting Kaoru get his laptop bag. He headed for the house, going up the back steps with a bit of difficulty, waiting on Kaoru to come open it, since he'd left his keys there.

Kaoru unlocked it and pushed it open, Makoto springing out and getting up on his hind legs, front paws on Die's knees, barking excitedly at him.

Die chuckled softly. "Hey, Makoto... let me in and then I'll cuddle you, I promise." He skirted around the puppy with his bags, leaving them by the door, kicking off his flip-flops and then leaned down to pick the dog up, cradling him in his arms. "You've grown, little bugger.”

Makoto squirmed around, tongue lolled out. Kaoru cracked a little bit of a smile, taking Die's bags to his room for him. The puppy, who was indeed growing at an almost alarming rate, wriggled happily, licking at Die's chin.

"Hey, sport, go easy on the saliva, will ya?" He laughed, going to the living room and plopping down on the sofa. Rubbing at the little dude's ears, he grinned.

Kaoru came back out, hesitantly walking over to the other side of the couch and sitting down, hands on his knees.

Die gently put Makoto in the floor. "Daddy will love on you in a while, okay? I promise." He curled one foot under himself and sighed, fishing in his pocket for the paper he'd written on. "Now? ... Or later?" he asked softly.

Kaoru felt dread creep back in on him, but he turned a little to face Die, nodding. "Now."

Die unfolded the paper and smoothed it out on his leg. "I'm just going to read it, one thing at a time and I'll let you respond to it... okay?"

Biting his lip, Kaoru nodded.

"You cheated on me and it hurt beyond everything else that's happened. It hurt me to my core and made me feel like I should go do exactly the same thing. But I didn't. I won't. Two wrongs don't make a right." He sighed softly, looking up at Kaoru, waiting on what he had to say.

Kaoru looked ashamed, staring down at his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't really an excuse, but, it wasn't even a conscious decision. I didn't go out and do that because I was mad at you or anything like that, I went out because I was upset and got fucked up and it just... happened. I regret it so much."

"So... completely sober... you'd never do that to me, would you?"

Kaoru shook his head forcefully. "Never."

"Which leads me to my second point... the drugs... I find out you're using again... _ever_... and I will not hesitate to walk right back out the door and I won't come back. Period. I can't take it. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I can't watch you do that to yourself... to us."

Kaoru put a hand over his mouth to quiet the little sob that came from him and he couldn't speak, nodding instead. He wanted to be done with the drugs, too. It became more dangerous every time he went back and it was harder and more of a train wreck with each slip. He'd said he was done before and yet here he was again. He hoped he'd never have to be in such a place again.

Die took a deep breath and let it out. "Have you realized that we just have different definitions of how to be romantic? I try to be what you need, but I can't be the only one giving here. I need to know you're willing to see some things my way, too... or at least understand and see them for what they are."

Kaoru tried to pull himself back together enough to speak, his voice shaky. "I don't think I'm an expert yet, but yes... I know we have our own ways of showing that we love each other, and that I was ignoring yours." 

"If you feel like I'm not doing something you desperately need... I want you to talk to me... when it first comes up, not when it's been boiling for months. I'll do the same for you."

Again, Kaoru nodded, wiping away his tears, despite the fact that new ones just kept coming.

"Okay. So... I guess that leaves the hard one." Or at least the hard one for him. "You hurt me... in a lot of ways. But I think what hurt most... the first time," because the cheating on him had really hurt far more, "was that the whole thing started over the sexual aspect of our relationship." He studied his lap very intently. "I don't honestly know what to do, Kaoru."

"I don't either... if I did, we wouldn't be talking about it now." Kaoru toyed with his hands, shaking his head. "I guess we'll have to... feel it out as we go along? I mean, I love sex with you. It's the best, really." He looked up at Die and blushed to let him know it was true. "It's just that you're so hot or cold, I guess I feel like you're detached, emotionally, and it's frustrating for me. I don't want to make you feel bad for being so horny, I know you can't really help it with the hormones, and I feel like I have no right to ask anything of you, anyway, but I suppose what I'm really looking for is to slow things down once in a while. The wall-to-wall fucking is amazing, but sometimes I just want to enjoy being with you without worrying about when I'm gonna cum or not." He pursed his lips and stared back at his lap.

"Truthfully... I flushed the hormones when I left. I didn't lose them. I knew they were the root cause of all the bullshit because it makes me horny all the time. I didn't know what going cold turkey off them would do to me. That was a mistake and I won't repeat it. I tried changing the meds to new ones to see if it helped. It didn't." He lifted his shoulders a little. "Kyo suggested maybe I take half the dosage and it'll make me less horny. I dunno. I don't want to do anything to put my sex change in jeopardy again... so I'm going to research it."

Pausing for a moment, he folded the paper and put it back in his pocket. "I want to be able to make love to you in a manner you consider to be love making, I really do. And I do understand that your emotional connection is different than mine... comes in a different way. I feel bad that I can't give you that, I really do... but I'm trying. I've been thinking maybe if we have sex and force me not to cum for a long time... like say... an entire month, I'm never allowed to orgasm from sex, then maybe I will stop putting any emphasis on an orgasm at all. Because that seems to be my main problem. I _want_ to cum, so I work toward it. If I know I'm not allowed, then there's nothing to work toward anymore, right?"

Kaoru just stared, his mouth slightly agape, shocked at first that Die had willingly gotten rid of his T, then at his idea. "Baby... I love you. But you have some of the craziest most self-torturous ideas I've ever heard." He scooted across the couch, taking Die's hand. "I want you to get off. I do. I just..." He shook his head. "That thing you did. With the connection Kyo told you about." He tilted his head a little. "If we could do that, during sex. That's what I'm looking for. That's the kind of connection I wanted with you all along."

Die blushed a little, letting Kaoru take his hand, curling his fingers around his lover's. Confusion clouded his gaze. That was it? It was that simple? "That's all?" he asked softly, looking confused.

Kaoru shrugged a little, nodding. "Anybody can fuck. But you were in a different time zone and I felt as close to you then as I do right now. I knew we had that, I just didn't know how to make you find it."

He blinked and then nodded. "That's easy. I can do that."

Kaoru bit his lip a little, shifting a bit to reach into his pocket. "There's, ah, there's something I have to ask you. I know I already did, technically, but, well, I--" He turned Die's hand over and put a small green box into it, words failing him entirely. He was terrified of rejection, sure Die would renege on what they'd agreed upon in the heat of the moment, but either way, he'd seen the ring - a moderately thick band of rose gold, hammered, set with a single round diamond - and he hadn't been able to talk himself out of it. Putting his hands in his lap and sat and waited.

Die accepted the box, giving Kaoru a kind of confused look before he opened the lid. The band inside put his heart firmly in his throat. He stared at it for a long few moments, trying to figure out what his answer was, trying to place the context. Finally, he let out, "Engagement ring?" Because he prayed to god he wasn't holding the actual wedding band right then.

Kaoru gave a sheepish nod, bracing himself for a no.

Die took in a deep breath and then slowly slipped the ring out. "Like we agreed before? If it's fatal, we do it after the diagnosis... and if it's not... we're engaged for a few years before we do it?"

Kaoru watched Die handle the ring, anticipation making the tips of his fingers tingle. He nodded again, feeling like a dumb bobble head.

"Then, yes." He held the ring out to Kaoru. "Wanna do it right?" It was more of a hint than a question.

Kaoru blushed again, his hands shaking as he slid off the couch onto one knee, everything feeling surreal as he took the ring and then Die's left hand, pushing the ring onto his finger. The world swam a little and for the first time in over a month, it was a very good feeling.

Somewhere in his mind, he'd been expecting this and it didn't catch him nearly as off guard as it maybe should have. He just watched as Kaoru slid the ring on his finger, his mind flitting over the possibilities and he shot off a prayer into the world that he hoped Kaoru would be fine and that everything would work out.

Die let out a soft sigh and held out his arms. "Get up here and kiss me."

In tears again, Kaoru let out a watery laugh and put one knee on the couch at Die's side, leaning into him and cupping his jaw, kissing him enthusiastically, trying to show him in that single gesture how much he had missed Die's kiss.

Die kind of melted into it, pulling Kaoru close to him and kissing him back with everything he felt for the other. His tongue gently probed over Kaoru's lips, his hand speared in the other man's hair, holding on for dear life. He wanted this... no... he _needed_ this.

Kaoru moved closer, straddling Die's lap, purring softly at the feel of Die's tongue over his lips, parting them slightly and flicking his own tongue just inside Die's mouth, along his teeth.

He didn't even hesitate to open his mouth to Kaoru, his hands holding the other close. For a good few minutes he kissed him back, slowly ending the kiss and pulling back to study his lover. "I want this to work... I really do."

Kaoru nodded, stroking Die's cheek with his thumb. "Me, too. I hate that I ever brought us to this place to begin with... you're my whole life, Die."

Die worried his lip, studying Kaoru for a long moment before he finally let out, "I didn't cheat on you... but I did watch Fea and Kyo." He blinked a little, hoping that wouldn't hurt Kaoru. "That's all."

Kaoru licked his lips, a slow smile tugging at his mouth. For whatever reason, he wanted to laugh, settling back to sit on Die's thighs. "Oh yeah?" He smirked more, resting his hands on Die's shoulder. "What was it like?"

Well, that certainly wasn't the response he'd expected, though he was more than happy with it. It was a sincere relief. "Hot... very hot. Fea sucked him off."

Kaoru arched a brow. "The dramatic height difference makes this seem really funny, but they're both very... sensual people, so I can definitely see why it would be sexy. Details? Any little tricks?"

Die blushed a little. "You'd think it would be... but once you see it, it's not amusing anymore, it's just arousing as all hell." He wet his lips a little. "He sucked on Kyo's neck and I swear to god I thought he was gonna cum before he ever started sucking him off." He laughed a little.

Kaoru gave a low chuckle, linking his fingers at the back of Die's neck. "I knew he had to have some spot. He looks like a screamer."

"Oh... he is." He let out a little laugh and then bit his lip again, not sure where to go with the conversation.

Kaoru shifted a little closer, moving in to kiss Die's jaw gently. "I missed smelling you... You smell so good."

Die pulled him close, just sinking back on the couch and holding his lover, his eyes closed. "I just missed you... period." He sighed softly. "Things don't feel right without you. I just make a mess of everything else without you."

Kaoru sort of pouted, curling into Die. "More reason for us not to be apart." His fingers played at the ends of Die's hair, nose nuzzled against his throat. "Do you like your ring?"

Die gave a little nod. "Yeah..." for a long moment he said nothing and then finally murmured," You know... before all of this shit... I was planning to give you a ring." He let out a little huff of a humorless laugh. "It's on layaway at the mall."

Kaoru sat up and looked at Die, wide-eyed with true surprise. "What?"

The redhead nodded. "Yeah... I know, kind of seems like it's out of nowhere, right?' He shrugged a little. "It's not. I've been paying on it for about four months now. They're holding it despite me not being able to pay for a couple months. It's just supposed to be paid for in another year."

Kaoru teared up again, biting his lip and giving a shy little laugh. "Like... as a gift, or...?" He trailed off, not wanting to assume anything.

Die let out a little laugh of his own. "No... an engagement ring. I had it all planned out, too." He sighed, running a hand over his face. "I was going to take you to the little tapas place and then walk to the gardens behind the museum and propose there."

A tear rolled down Kaoru's cheek and he clapped a hand over his mouth, obviously happy. He made a high-pitched, excited sound behind his hand and then put it back down on Die's shoulder. "I didn't hear any of this conversation. I am deleting it from my memory right now." He laughed a little and pecked Die on the lips, wiping his eyes again.

Die gave him a sad little look before pulling him back into his arms. "Bet you thought you were the only one on the ready for marriage page... huh?"

Kaoru blushed, almost looking ashamed. "I did, actually..."

He gently petted Kaoru's hair, rubbing over it before he caught the back of his neck and pulled him into a gentle kiss. A moment later, he pulled away and just smiled.

Kaoru kissed him back, nuzzling on him. "You still want to marry me? Really?" He sniffed a little, pushing his fingers through Die's hair. "After all the awful things I said?"

"Everyone fights, Kaoru... _everyone_." He shrugged a little. "I just want _us_ back. I need it... I need _you_."

A sob left Kaoru and he hugged tightly onto Die. "I need you, too. The last three weeks have been hell for me."

"Me, too, baby... me, too." He turned his head to kiss his cheek, sighing. "Can we take a nap? Both of us? In the same bed?"

Waterworks yet again, Kaoru shed a few tears, nodding. "I haven't slept in our bed since the first time you left." In fact, it was still unmade and exactly as Die had left it several days ago.

Die gently pecked his cheek again before patting him to get him up. With that done, he traipsed off to the bedroom, Makoto padding along after him, tongue lolling out. "C'mon..." he murmured to Kaoru, shedding the hoodie he had on, feeling he didn't need it now that he wasn't sitting next to some woman blasting the AC on the plane. Tossing it aside, he shed his jeans, leaving him in boxers and his shirt. He crawled into bed, Makoto following and curling up on the end.

Kaoru followed into the bedroom, a place he'd only gone into for clothes, feeling like it was a torturous symbol of his and Die's relationship that was falling apart. It still felt weird standing in it, but just then, it felt like there was at least some hope. He took off his jeans and shirt, getting under the covers on the other side in only his briefs, staying there, not wanting to initiate any physical contact just yet, leaving it all in Die's court.

Die studied Kaoru for a long moment before scooting closer to him, curling up next to him, his head on Kaoru's shoulder, one leg slipping over Kaoru's.

Kaoru made a soft sound, pulling Die against him and snuggling in, emotion welling up in him to lay with Die again. He got comfortable and kissed his brow. "If this is a nap, it will be a late night. When we wake up, do you maybe want to take a drive?"

Die shrugged a little. "Yeah... I dunno if I'll even sleep. I just wanted to lay down with you. I want you to hold me." He tucked his face against Kaoru's shoulder, a few tears escaping before he whispered, "I just want to be loved." And what better way than in his lover's arms, right?

Kaoru pulled him closer, nuzzling the top of his head, wrapping their limbs up together.

Die clung to him like he really hadn't in a good long while. For almost twenty minutes he remained like that until finally he pulled back a little, studying Kaoru's face while he did his best to open up the connection Kyo had pointed out to him, trying to shove all his love, his hurt, the feelings of betrayal, everything he felt, he wanted Kaoru to know.

Kaoru stared back at him, lip between his teeth. A wave of emotion began to pour over him and the tears returned. He didn't know what had come over him, but he soon got an idea, sobbing a little. "Is this what I've done to you?" he asked, obviously devastated.

Die watched him, nodding a little before bowing his head. "Yes." Raising his head, tears sparkled in his eyes, not quite spilling over yet. "Open up to me," he murmured, "I want to know... I want to feel." 

Everything hit Die like a train to the gut. His breath caught and his fingers curled in the sheets. After a moment, he drew in his breath again, trying to sift through the emotions, feeling like it was crippling. He buried his face against Kaoru's shoulder again, his body trembling. But he wouldn't ask for it to stop... he wanted to know and needed to feel it. Every single ounce of it. 

Die's hands crept up into his hair, pressing hard against his head. "Oh god," he choked out.

Kaoru clung to Die, sobbing quietly. It hurt to drag up all these emotions, to hurt Die with them, but it was what his lover had asked for.

Die took it until he could take no more. He let out a whine and whispered, "Stop... please... it hurts," he took in a gasping breath, "so bad."

Closing his eyes, Kaoru imagined the bond shuttering off, whimpering and sniveling, still holding Die tight against him. Before he cut himself off from Die, however, he tried to push how he felt seeing the ring on Die's finger over, the joy and relief and contentment at the idea of spending the rest of his life, no matter how short, with the man he loved.

Die sagged against Kaoru, feeling exhausted from even just that short stint with Kaoru's emotions. He slid his hands from his own head, moving them up to Kaoru's, wishing like hell he could heal just by will alone. And then it hit him, the woman his grandmother had taken him to when he'd been a small child. His appendix had been giving him terrible pain and rather than take him to the hospital, his grandmother had taken him to the woman and he'd never needed the surgery. He pulled back, studying Kaoru. "Nina... we have to see Nina."

Kaoru smoothed a hand over Die's hair, looking down at him. "Who's Nina?"

“My Nana took me to her when I was little. My appendix hurt a lot and she took me there instead of the hospital. She put her hands on me, did some prayer type stuff and then I was okay." He tilted his head at Kaoru, wondering what he'd think.

Kaoru gave a half-hearted shrug. "I wanted to go see a priest when we're in Japan, anyway. I guess anything is worth a shot, really."

Die nodded. "We should do all we can. There's no harm in trying, right?"

Kaoru pursed his lips, nodding. "The biopsy alone is really scary to me..."

He leaned in, kissing Kaoru again before licking over his lower lip and then murmuring softly, "I want to be close to you...."

Kaoru blinked. "But you're right - oooooh." He blushed a little, tugging Die a bit closer and rubbing a hand over his back. "Well, I did tell you I'd eat you out when you got home. The offer most certainly still stands."

Die bit his lip slightly, thinking about it. Honestly, he really did want Kaoru to eat him out, but he also worried he would be giving off the wrong idea. The last thing he wanted to do was give Kaoru a reason to think all he wanted from him was sex. He sighed softly, pulling Kaoru close. "Don't hate me," he whispered softly.

Kaoru hugged him around the waist, shaking his head, his brows furrowing. "Never, baby. This time apart, I've realized how much I love pleasing you. You're so gorgeous when you're lost in ecstasy." He rolled them, laying on top of Die and kissing him again. "I'm sorry I always made it such an issue. It was never you, not really. I'm just... so needy for that profound, spiritual connection, I was looking for something that was already there and I just couldn't see it." He pressed his body against Die, moving to kiss his neck, trying not to get emotional and keep it sensual, having missed the other so much and having wondered for the last few weeks if he'd ever get to taste Die's skin like this again.

Die let out a tiny gasp when Kaoru pushed him down on his back, his hand coming to run through Kaoru's hair. "I miss you in every way," he breathed out softly, his hips pushing up a little. "I'll leave myself open... I promise."

Kaoru sucked at Die's neck, purring a little. He wasted no time, running his hands all over Die's body and then down between his legs, fondling the packer as if it were a physical cock. "Please do," he begged in a hushed voice. "I want to feel what you do, in every way."

Die shivered slightly, letting out a little whimper at Kaoru's actions. Licking his lips, he arched up. His eyelids fluttered closed and he focused on trying to open that link between them, pushing all of his love and passion through it, his hips arching up hard against Kaoru, letting him know he wanted him something awful.

Another pleased sound left Kaoru and he nibble at Die's ear a little, grabbing his left wrist and pulling back, looking at his hand with a very proud smile. "It looks good on you," he murmured before kissing the back of Die's hand and letting it go, working his hands up under the other shirt, trying to get it off.

"It does," he whispered softly. He arched up, letting Kaoru remove his clothing.

Kaoru pushed his shirt up over his head and tossed it to the floor, Makoto standing up and looking at them weirdly before hopping off the bed and crawling up under the lip of the platform, instead. Kaoru pulled down the waistband of Die's underwear, tugging it down his long legs and taking the packer to place on the nightstand, the boxers going on the floor with the shirt. He scuttled down between Die's legs, then, kissing between his hips.

Die shivered slightly when Kaoru pulled his underwear off. He watched him move his packer to the dresser, smiling happily at the action, something that meant so much to him. The moment Kaoru was between his legs, he bit hard at his lip, spreading his thighs with a breathy little sound. The anticipation built up inside him, the tension in the air like a rubber band about to snap. 

Kaoru worked himself lower, holding onto Die's thighs as he snaked his tongue out, touching it to his lover's cock, licking at it a bit before giving it a slow suck. Moving lower, he simply lapped at the moist folds, loving the taste in some odd way. 

Die let out a sharp gasp the moment that Kaoru's tongue touched his lady dick. A jolt of pure pleasure swept through him, his hand yanking at Kaoru's hair, holding on tight. His hips pushed up against him. He desperately wanted more. He wanted that tongue buried deep inside him, claiming him as his own, over and over, again and again.

Kaoru let out a sound of pleasure at the tug to his hair, still just long enough to get a good grip on. His fingers dug into Die's legs and he pulled the other closer, sliding the flat of his tongue against his slit before probing the tip in, his nose pressed against his clit.

Die let out a sharp cry the moment Kaoru's tongue speared into him. Shuddering, he let his eyes roll back, his hips pushing up. "Oh, sweet mother of god," he breathed out.

Kaoru held back the laugh at Die's choice of words, pushing his mouth flush up against his lover's cunt and starting to slowly fuck him with his tongue, flexing the muscle into a point and trying to reach and rub at his g-spot. His fingers splayed out over the tops of his thighs, stroking slightly, gently trying to urge the other to wrap his legs around his head.

Die's hips pushed up again and again before he finally moved his legs up, closing his thighs a little and pushing Kaoru's head down harder. " _Fuck_ ," he cried out.

Kaoru hummed against his beloved's hot flesh, working his tongue harder, nuzzling his nose more actively against his clit. He wanted to get him off, to drive him wild, and to do it over and over until Die couldn't stand it anymore.

Die whimpered, his body shaking. His free hand moved to grab the pillow under his head, crushing it as he clamped his legs down, his hips arching up. A few more seconds and he lost it, every tense muscle releasing and then spasming as he cried out.

Sometimes, he hated that it was never a challenge to get Die off, but he also loved how easy it was. He did his best to help his lover ride it out, not stopping, just slowing down until Die had recovered somewhat and continued to suck at his lips and plunge his tongue into his passage.

The continued attention to his nether regions really had him squirming around. It didn't take him long before he tugged on Kaoru's hair. "Baby... please... I want you... I want you in me," he whispered out.

Kaoru lifted his head, looking at Die with wide eyes. He was only half hard. Would Die think it was because he wasn't attracted to him anymore? He wasn't sure if it was stress or effects of the tumor, but he'd found it difficult to get an erection lately. Trying to stall, he shifted up a little and sucked on two fingers before pushing them into Die, crooking them and assaulting his g-spot, sucking at his clit.

Die let out a soft whine, his back arching when those fingers plunged into him. He shuddered again, this time it came from the overload of feelings swarming through his body. "Kaoru!"

Kaoru toyed his tongue against the little cock, fucking Die with his fingers, reaching down and starting to stroke himself, willing his cock to get hard, not wanting to disappoint Die.

Die continued to push all of his emotions through their connection, every single bit of his passion and love and desire going through to Kaoru. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes and he couldn't explain a single reason why.

The overwhelming sense of being desired washed over Kaoru and he smiled slightly, pushing in another finger and kissing up Die's stomach, nipping playfully at the skin.

Die panted softly, his head thrashing side-to-side. Something about being stimulated so directly on his g-spot was amazing and over the top. As he worked his way up, Die tried to pull him up a little further, wanting him to come and suck on his nipple.

Not having to be told, Kaoru moved to one pale nub, licking and sucking at it almost delicately, applying light pressure with his teeth. He wasn't hard yet, though the arousal from Die was working wonders on him, otherwise. Every few seconds, a shiver would run through him, making him squirm and writhe against Die, working his fingers in as deep as he could.

Die let out a sharp whine the moment his nipple was taken into Kaoru's mouth. This was something he really liked and enjoyed and in his opinion happened far too little. Kaoru's aversion to his own nipples being toyed with made him less likely to fiddle with Die's own. Though when Kaoru took note and did something about it, it was one of the most wonderful things on earth. He whimpered again, murmuring, "Kaoru... please!" He was completely and utterly oblivious to Kaoru's problem downstairs.

Kaoru bit his lip, wondering if he should just try to fuck Die with the half a hard-on he had just then, hoping it would go to full-mast once inside Die. He shifted around, sucking at Die's nipple more, toying at it with his teeth and rolling Die's clit with his thumb, rubbing the head of his cock against his lover's thigh.

Die shivered, gently pushing Kaoru back. "From behind... please, I've been craving it." He squirmed his way out from under Kaoru's attentions and flipped himself over, tucking his legs up under himself and spreading his thighs.

Kaoru couldn't help but chuckle at Die, then gasped. Carefully, he put his hand out, stroking gently over the raised flesh of the fresh tattoo, letting go of his dick. "Oh... baby..."

Die had completely forgotten about his tattoo in the midst of the sex. He gasped when that hand slid over his back. "Yeah... you like it?" he asked softly.

Kaoru was rendered speechless, just making little attempts at words. He traced his fingers over the large art piece, eyes wide. After a minute, he finally found his voice, reverting back to Japanese. "It's beautiful."

"I wanted to get something that showed that I really do draw on my own inner strength. I wanted to show the span of myself from beginning to end." He shifted around a little to see Kaoru's face, his eyes studying the other man carefully.

Kaoru looked at him, not fully understanding, but getting it to some extent. He leaned down and kissed Die, guiding himself into his lover at the same time, despite the fact he was still not fully erect. He bit at his lower lip slightly, tugging a bit before letting go as he pulled away, rocking his hips into him.

When Kaoru pushed into him, he let out a quiet moan. He could feel that he wasn't entirely hard, but he assumed it to be from the shock of seeing that his entire back was tattooed. Slowly, he shifted, folding his arms under him and leaning on his shoulders, his ass in the air.

Kaoru simply grinding against him for a while, kissing at his neck, fingers gently roaming over the tattooed flesh.

Die dragged his cheek over the sheets, his eyelids fluttering closed while he tried to be as enticing as possible to get Kaoru back on track. "I love the feel of your cock against me, baby... so much."

Kaoru gave a little growl, nibbling on Die's ear. "I love being inside you, baby." He started to thrust slightly, getting a bit harder and thanking any deity listening for it. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too," Die murmured, his back arching even more when he felt Kaoru start to get a little harder inside him. The feeling of that cock pushing into his slick passage was utter bliss. Nothing could ever replace the feeling of a real person, no matter how hard they tried to simulate it, it just wouldn't work.

Kaoru trailed his hand up Die's arm, lacing his fingers over the redhead’s, looking at the ring on Die's finger again and smiling a little, thrusting harder into him, glad his dick was starting to react along with his brain. He pressed his lips to Die's ear, hissing into it, "I missed cumming in you. You know how I love filling you up. Do you want it now?" He hoped he was as physically close to climax as he felt, ramped up from three weeks without his lover's touch.

Die honestly almost wept at the words. He wanted that more than anything right then. He pushed those feelings toward Kaoru, everything from his entire heart and soul going between them in that moment. "Please," he whispered, "Kaoru... I love you."

Kaoru pressed himself to Die's back, thrusting harder, faster. The emotion from Die washed over him, driving his desire, and the words only made him need to claim the other more. "I love you, Die, so much." He kissed his neck again, jerking his hips into Die in deep snaps, his breathing shallow. Though it had taken too long to get hard, now that he was, he was ready to explode, nearly, moaning against his lover's shoulder. He grabbed Die by the hips and his thrusts became shorter, harder, more erratic, pushing as deep into Die as he could. "Nn, baby I'm gonna..." The statement trailed off into a moan and in a moment he was tensed and still, cock throbbing, emptying his release into Die. He hadn't thought about how long it had been since he'd had sex, or gotten off, really; in cruder terms, he had cum buckets.

Die let out a cry of pure happiness the moment he felt Kaoru start emptying himself into him. His hips canted back, his back arching. It felt so amazing, the feeling of his lover pulsing inside him, the warmth filling him up. He clenched his muscles around him, trying to keep him in place while he slid his hand down under himself. Sliding one finger on either side of his clit, he rubbed fast, the friction on both sides making him feel like he was jerking off. It wasn't even a few seconds later before he was cumming, warmth spilling down the insides of his legs as his body spasmed.

Kaoru held onto Die as he finished, one arm around his waist, the other hand brushing back the red hair from his long neck and peppering it with kisses. "I missed you so, so much."

Die sagged a moment after his orgasm, eyelids fluttering closed. "Missed you, too," he whispered. "I love you."

Kaoru carefully slipped out of Die, lying down beside him stroking over his back. "Love you..." 

Die finally let himself completely slide down against the bed, his head swimming. He felt a great deal better having been close to Kaoru and he could only hope the other felt the same way. "So...?" he asked softly, hesitant to actually push to see if Kaoru had felt everything through their connection.

Kaoru snuggled up under Die a little, holding him against his chest. "So?" He smiled, shaking his head and kissing Die's brow. "That was wonderful..."

Die turned his head a little so he could see him. "Was it... good... in the feelings department?"

Kaoru purred, giving a nod and squeezing Die around his tiny waist. "Very."

Die gave him a little smile before he shifted closer to him, curling up around him, his head on his chest. "Good."

Kaoru laid there with his fingers gliding through Die's hair for a long time, syncing his breath to the other's. With a deep sigh, he shifted a little, one hand resting low on Die's back. "Are you hungry? I haven't really eaten today, I've been kind of nauseous, but I'm starving right now."

Die nodded. "Yeah, I am." Especially after all of that. He shifted to nuzzle Kaoru a little. "Can we go out somewhere? Like a date?"

Kaoru blushed a little, smiling. "Of course." He didn't move for a moment, enjoying the feel of Die against him for a bit longer, before shifting out from under him. "I'll clean up real quick and get dressed." He kissed Die again and then padded off to the bathroom.

Die offered him a soft smile, pushing himself up and following Kaoru toward the bathroom. He needed to clean up as much as Kaoru did, if not more. Grabbing a wash cloth, he wet it and started to mop down the insides of his thighs.

Not really thinking about it, just comfortable around Die, Kaoru scooted up to the toilet and pissed, needing just a wipe down and maybe some deodorant freshening to be passable for going out in public. He felt ugly without his long hair and was tempted to really primp, but he was hungry as hell and didn't really feel like taking the time.

Die watched him out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to bring attention to the fact that he really was enjoying it. Finishing up cleaning himself, he tossed the rag into the hamper and washed his hands and face before padding off down the hall to go get dressed.

Kaoru flushed and cleaned up, brushing his teeth and putting a little styling wax in his hair, fixing it just a little into a loose semblance of a faux-hawk, going back into the bedroom and pulling on underwear and a tight black v-neck t-shirt, digging around for his charcoal grey slacks and a dark violet cardigan. He pulled both on and then clasped on the necklace Die had given him and pushed on his amber ring. Checking himself in the mirror, he grabbed some socks and went to put his boots on at the back porch, Makoto running out with him, sniffing around in the yard, waiting like a good boy to be put in the pen.

Die just dressed back in the same clothing he'd been in before, brushing his hair out and then padding through the house. He checked on his fly trap, gently caressing one of its leaves and cooing at it for a moment. He touched the soil to make sure it was damp enough and examined it carefully. It looked like it was going to live, thankfully. Coming out the back door, he stuck his feet in his flip-flops again.

Kaoru stood up and checked his pockets for keys, phone, and wallet. "What are you in the mood for?" he asked, walking around to open the gate, Makoto going in willingly.

"There's a Chicago-style pizza place on 5th, how about that?" After having pizza over at Kyo's, he kind of wanted some again. Plus they had amazing salad and cheese sticks.

Kaoru nodded, digging his keys out and unlocking his car. "Okay, sounds good." He pulled open the driver's side door and slid in, waiting on Die to get his seat belt buckled before backing out of the driveway and heading out of the neighborhood. A little hesitantly, he reached over and laid his hand over Die's, giving it a gentle squeeze.

At the squeeze, he smiled softly, turning his hand over to link it with Kaoru's. "I want things to be right between us again. Stop being hesitant... okay? I'll let you know if I don't like something."

Kaoru frowned a little, his thumb stroking against Die's. "I'll try... I'm just really scared of fucking up. I know I don't really have any more chances."

"Well, let me clear this up for you at least then. I'm an overly affectionate person. I can't keep my own hands to myself. I like being touched and hugged and loved. So... please don't reserve yourself on those things."

Kaoru nibbled at the inside of his lip, nodding and leaning over quickly to kiss Die's shoulder. "Okay."

Die smiled, fishing out his cigarettes and rolling down the window so he could light one up, all single-handed. "Want one?" he asked.

Kaoru looked at the pack, then at Die's hand. He couldn't do both. "No thanks."

Die chuckled softly, squeezing Kaoru's hand as he took in a long drag from the cigarette, breathing the smoke out into the evening air. "I'm glad to be home you know...."

Kaoru gave a sad smile for a moment, pulling Die's hand over onto his knee, resting them there. "I'm glad you're back, too. I just wish I hadn't given you a reason to leave in the first place."

"Yeah... but at least we're together again." He took another drag and flicked some ashes out the window.

Kaoru bit his lip a little, uttering under his breath, "I hope it stays that way..." Of course, after everything, his biggest fear was that they would find only that their relationship was beyond help. The thought of losing Die for good killed him.

"Me, too... I don't like being without you. It's really hard."

Kaoru tucked Die's hand up against his chest, lifting it to kiss the knuckles. "I want to grow old and senile and wrinkly and fat with you," he admitted with a little chuckle. "I'm not ready for this to be over. I want to make us work." He looked at Die at a red light, his eyes a bit wet with tears. "I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you I have to. I know I've been a shitty boyfriend, but I promise, I _swear_ I'll be a good husband."

Die studied Kaoru for a long moment before tossing his cigarette out the window and leaning over to wipe the tears from under his eyes.

"Don't cry. I know you're trying to make it up to me, Kaoru."

He squeezed Die's hand even tighter. "I just hope I can..." Sniffing a little, he turned his attention back onto the road, heading over to 5th and parking on the street half a block down from the restaurant. Letting go of Die, he went around the car and opened his door, one hand tucking in his pocket.

Once they were out of the car, Die shut his door and pulled Kaoru into his arms, kissing his cheek gently. "Baby... I'm here... you're doing fine so far. Buck up."

He made a little face and rubbed the small of Die's back, pulling away and taking Die's arm, walking towards the restaurant. "It's going to take a lot before I can forgive myself for everything, though. I almost feel like I don't deserve to have you back yet."

"I can guarantee you it'll take longer for you to forgive yourself than it will for me to put everything in the past." He shrugged a little. "I've already forgiven you."

Kaoru bit his lip, hugging Die's arm against his side. "I love you," he whispered softly, hanging his head a little and then reaching to open the door for Die, letting go of his arm.

"I love you, too, baby." He smiled softly, wandering into the restaurant and telling them he wanted a seat for two, in a private corner. The woman led them to a booth and he slid all the way in to the back, patting the seat next to him to try to get Kaoru to come sit next to him. She left the menus and wandered off.

Kaoru scooted himself into the booth next to Die, pressing his knee into the redhead's. He pushed the menus towards Die. "Order what you want. I'm not picky, just hungry."

Die took the menu and opening it, quickly choosing a half-and-half pizza, one side supreme and the other side with veggies only. The woman came back quickly to see about their drink orders, but Die instantly ordered the pizza and a cherry soda for himself, waiting on Kaoru to order what he wanted to drink.

Kaoru hummed a little, not sure what he wanted to drink, ordering a berry Sprite at the last second, sending the waitress off. Reminding himself Die had said not to hesitate with affection, he put his arm over the other' shoulders, leaning back in the booth. 

Die smiled at him, curling into the touch and resting there. He fiddled with the edge of the table, the lace making him want to play with it.

Kaoru leaned his head against Die's, hugging him a little closer. "I think it's hitting me that we just got engaged." It didn't feel like what such an occasion was expected to be like. It almost seemed like an ultimatum. But under it all, the emotion and reality of it were becoming clear and he couldn't help but blush every time he looked down at Die's hand.

Die nodded, examining his hand as well for a moment. "Yeah... me too."

Their drinks were brought out along with a basket of garlic bread. Kaoru reached for a piece and tried to hold himself back from inhaling it, eating it quickly and then drinking down half of the soda at once.

Die chuckled, sipping at his soda. "I'm glad to see you eating... I promise I am, too."

Kaoru nodded, keeping his arm around Die. "You look healthier than when you first got back." He touched his hand to Die's hair. "Did you cut it?"

"Yeah, I did. You like it?"

Kaoru smiled, nodding. "I do." He picked his soda up and took another sip. "So other than watching Fea service Kyo, did you do anything interesting in LA?"

Die laughed. "I got my tattoo, went to the shrine with Kyo, and that's about it."

Kaoru nodded a little, rubbing up and down Die's arm. "You had fun?"

"Somewhat. I missed you..." he decided to leave off making Kyo cry... several times.

Kaoru pursed his lips, looking down at his lap and leaning into Die a little. After a moment he asked, "What are three things you want to do before you die?"

"Have a kid... visit Japan... and um... I dunno." He bit his lip for a moment before murmuring, "You?"

Kaoru reached for another piece of bread. "Hmm... actually have my own exhibit in a gallery. Have a kid, or kids, with you, specifically, and," he blushed a little, knowing it was kind of corny, "see Paris. Rome, too."

Die smiled. "We should do all of those things."

Kaoru glowed a little, pressing a soft kiss to Die's lips. He pulled back and gave a little grin before nibbling at his bread. "If we only have one, would you want a boy or a girl?"

Die shrugged. "Whichever the universe gave us. I'd think a girl would be easier since she'd get less shit at school about us."

Kaoru titled his head. "You think so?" He chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "You know... every time I think about you younger, like when you were talking about your Nana, and I realize you were a little girl, the thought makes me all warm and fuzzy. Maybe you're right, a daughter would be nice."

Die gave a little smile. "I just hope for their sake they're born with the gender they want. Cause this isn't easy."

"I know it's not," Kaoru murmured, pressing his nose into Die's hair for a moment. "And I'm always so proud of you for being so strong."

Die reached one hand up to cup Kaoru's cheek. "Thank you, baby." He left his hand there, thumb gently stroking over the flesh.

Kaoru's cheek grew hot under Die's hand, his lashes veiling his eyes in a shy gesture that had become quite regular with him recently. "Of course, pumpkin."

Die licked his lips a little. "I like you calling me pumpkin." He grinned. "Makes me think I'm edible..."

Kaoru laughed, setting down his bread and putting both arms around Die, kissing his neck. "You are, silly," he purred, giving his jaw a playful nip.

"Hnn... but you do like eating me... admit it," he murmured, chuckling softly.

Kaoru purred again, more of a growl, squeezing Die a little closer and kissing his neck less playfully, sucking a little at the skin. "You bet your sweet ass I do."

Die laughed softly. "Good... because I like it when you do!"

Kaoru laughed, pulling away a little again, reaching for his soda. "Hnn, I know you do, hot stuff."

Die squirmed a bit, leaning over and grabbing his soda, taking a long drink from it with a grin.

Kaoru shifted back to just having an arm around his waist, smiling and finishing his bread. The pizza came and Kaoru immediately took two pieces, setting them on his plate and digging in.

Die straightened when the pizza came out, taking two meat pieces and starting to chow down. "This is always amazing," he murmured.

Kaoru made a little sound, shoving pizza into his mouth. "I don't think I can form an objective opinion. I'm so hungry, everything tastes good."

Die laughed. "Yeah, I bet." He quietly polished off an entire slice before moving on to the second one, taking sips of his soda in between.

Kaoru tried to pace himself, not wanting to get sick by scarfing it all down too quickly. After three pieces, he sat back and sipped his now refilled soda. "Mm... this is really good." He leaned his head on Die's shoulder for a moment, smiling softly.

Die stopped after the second, getting a refill on his and Kaoru's sodas and ordering a cheesecake with cherry for them to share. "It is."

Kaoru's eyes practically glazed over at the mention of cheesecake, eating another piece of pizza while they waited on it. He sipped his soda and cleaned the grease off his hands when he was done; what was left would be good for lunch tomorrow or something. He reached down and found Die's hand, lacing their fingers.

Die chuckled a little. "Like the sound of cheesecake?"

Kaoru gave a tiny nod, the waitress clearing their plates. "You know it's my favorite."

"Mmhmm, and I love cherry, so it's utter win." He grinned at him, his eyes sparkling.

Kaoru blushed a little, for whatever odd reason, and squeezed Die's hand again. "So... there's a party for the magazine tomorrow, sort of a kiss-assy smoozing deal, uber-Goth and networking, what-have-you, anyway, I really didn't want to go for the slight chance there would be drugs there, but..." He bit his lip a little, turning slightly towards Die, "I think I'd be okay if you were there. Will you be my date?"

"Sure, it sounds like fun. We'll just make sure we actually stick together the entire time, okay?" He smiled at Kaoru, moving to cuddle closer to him. The cheesecake arrived a few moments later with two forks.

Kaoru put his arm around Die's waist, nodding. "Of course. You don't have to dress any certain way, but, as a warning I guess, it's all but required I dress appropriately, so... dramatic black and make-up." He gave a little shrug along with a shy look, reaching for one of the forks, scooping up a bit of cake with a cherry, holding it in front of Die's lips.

"I'll dress however you dress me, sweetie." He accepted the bite and licked his lips before chewing and swallowing.

Kaoru sort of chuckled. "You'd let me dress you up? I think I'd faint to see you all Gothed up." He smirked and forked a large bite of cake, giving a little moan around it as he chewed.

"Of course I would. I generally have no idea what I'm doing, so letting you seems like a much better plan than me trying it myself." He stabbed a cherry and chewed on it.

Kaoru chuckled a little, getting a bit of crust. "I promise not to go overboard with it. It's supposed to be a fairly casual party, but Goth and casual is an interesting, sort of contradictory combination." He chuckled, hugging Die's arm to his side.

Die took another bite of the cheesecake and nodded. He was sure it was and he figured it was just one of those things that happened. He was more than willing to try this out, in any case, and he hoped Kaoru would enjoy the results.

Kaoru leaned his head on Die's shoulder, steadily eating more cheesecake until he was nearly sick. When the check came, he put his credit card in the folder, signing the receipt and adding a tip when it was brought back. He reached for his soda and finished it off, ruffling Die's hair a little. "Ready to go, or did you want to sit for a while?"

Die asked for a box for the remaining pizza, the woman taking it away with the bill and coming back with the neatly packaged remains of their dinner and the receipts. He thanked her, finished off the cheesecake and then his soda. With that done, he shrugged a bit. "We can go."

Kaoru nodded, sliding out of the booth and reaching for Die's hand.

He curled his fingers around Kaoru's, getting out with him and taking the box of pizza with him. "Hey... baby... want to actually go to a movie... at the theater?"

Kaoru gave a little smile, stepping out onto the street. "Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"How about that new superhero movie?" It sounded like something that would be easy enough to follow and not make either of them feel like they had no idea what was going on.

Kaoru sort of quirked a brow, always amused at how much more boyish Die was than him. He nodded, walking back to the car, swinging their joined hands a little. "Okay. I guess we'll just go by the theater and see what time it's playing?"

"I can check it on my phone." Once he'd slipped into the car, he set the pizza in the back seat and pulled out his phone, looking up movie times and location. "It's on at Heights in less than an hour."

Kaoru nodded, cranking the car. "Want to go ahead and head over, maybe walk around the plaza while we wait?"

"Yeah, works for me." He leaned back, stretching a bit in the seat, his packer bulging against the front of his pants. Settling back down, he flipped his phone closed and looked out the window beside him.

Kaoru had both hands on the wheel, eyes cutting over to Die now and again. He still felt like he should be walking egg shells, waiting for Die to suddenly change his mind, hand back the ring, demand to be taken home, and then pack up and leave, this time for good. He hated that he couldn't shake the feeling; he wanted to enjoy this date, but it felt naive to suddenly think everything would be just fine.

Die let out a soft sigh and reached over, gently taking Kaoru's hand in his own. "You okay?"

Kaoru let him take his hand, dropping it from the steering wheel and looking over at him for a moment. "Hmm? Yeah."

Die gave a little nod before letting his head drop back against the headrest. "You okay with that movie or want another one?"

Kaoru shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He squeezed Die's hand. "I just want to spend time with you."

Die smiled and nodded. The reason he'd thought of a movie was that it was like a proper date. Dinner and a movie. No better way to make Kaoru feel like he was getting back into Die's good graces than that... right? Die hoped so, at least. And he really hoped he wasn't being too subtle again.

Kaoru pulled into the big plaza with the theater and several stores and restaurants, parking at the back. He got out and went around to open Die's door. "When we get home, I want to get some photos of you with the ring. Is that okay?"

Die smiled at him and nodded, getting out of the car. He pushed his phone back into his pocket and held out his hand for Kaoru. "Yeah, that's fine."

Kaoru took it, then pulled it around his back and tucked it over his hip, his own arm wrapping around Die's waist. "I don't think it's totally settled in yet. We're engaged. It doesn't sound real." He squeezed Die a little closer, not adding that such a feeling was partially due to the fact that he had been convinced Die would say no.

"Kinda feels like a dream," Die admitted, shrugging one slim shoulder. "But tomorrow we'll wake up and notice it's not."

Kaoru bit his lip, stopping and grabbing Die, using the momentum to swing him around to face him. His hand came up and cupped his cheek and he kissed him, almost shyly. Breaking the kiss, he hugged Die to him tightly, face pressed into his hair. "I love you." Tears stung his eyes, his nose tingling; he hated that he had been so fragile, emotionally, but the more he tried to hold back, the more he cried at the drop of a hat.

Die let out a little gasp, his other arm coming around Kaoru's waist, holding on as he let Kaoru kiss him. He smiled when it broke, murmuring a soft, "I love you, too," in reply. Gently, he reached up to wipe away a few stray tears from Kaoru's cheek. "Baby... don't cry. I'm here now."

Kaoru's lip trembled and he stayed pressed into Die's neck, unable, really, to even explain _why_ he was in tears. He supposed it was all the repressed emotions finally getting out, but it felt good, somehow, to just cry and hold onto the other.

Die just cradled him against his body, gently rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, his lips pressed to Kaoru's hair.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, pulling back and drying his eyes quickly. "I'm sorry... you shouldn't have to be babying me or anything, it should be the other way around, sorry." He shook his head and wiped his face with his hands again, reaching for Die's elbow and looping his arm around it, starting to walk again.

Die pulled Kaoru to a stop. "Would ya wait a minute?" He frowned, his hand coming to smooth over Kaoru's cheek. "Baby... it's okay. We're both emotionally wounded in this. I spent a huge portion of my time crying already, all over Kyo. Ask him." He sighed, shaking his head.

"You didn't have someone to cry on. So I'm here."

Kaoru frowned, covered his face with his hands. "Goddammit!" Again, emotion flared up in him and he sniffed. "No, it's not okay. It's not fair to you." He pulled his hands away and looked at Die helplessly. "I'm upset because I hate myself for the things I said to you, for how I treated you and took you for granted. It's cruel to expect you to comfort me over that."

Die tugged him close, kissing the tip of his nose and then the high arch of his cheekbone. "Listen to me. Hating yourself isn't going to help us work things out. You'll just keep trying to make up for it, reject anything I try to do to make up for what you thought I wasn't giving before, and we'll end up worse than we were to start with. What you need to do is just be aware of things outside your own little bubble and stop with the internal rampage on yourself. I know that's hard to accept, but it's the truth."

Kaoru's legs felt weak, cold shooting through him. Somehow, it was as though he and Die had switched positions and now he was one feeling like everything he did was wrong. He pulled his sleeves down over his hands and put them over his face, crying like a fool.

"Hey... let's just go to the movie, okay?" He really hoped it would just let things calm down and have Kaoru in a manner that he could deal better. "Or would you rather just go home?"

Kaoru shook his head hard, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "No, no, I don't want to ruin this for you." He sniffed again, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry, I cry all the time anymore..."

"You're not ruining anything for me, baby." He knew from the statement though, that Kaoru didn't understand what he was trying to do with this date. Without the point coming across, it was pointless to continue and force Kaoru to sit through a movie. "Let's go home." At least they'd be alone there.

An odd expression twisted Kaoru's lips and did his best to lock himself off, put a stop to the crying jag he felt coming on full-tilt. He just nodded, disappointed and defeated, turning around and walking rather rigidly back to the car, trying not to leave Die in the dust, not wanting him to think he was mad at him.

Die sighed softly, following him back to the car. "Let me drive?" he asked softly, not really wanting to get into an accident right then.

Kaoru didn't argue, unlocking the car and handing Die the keys, going around and getting in the passenger side, curling up and lighting a cigarette, glad it was dark so maybe he could cry himself out quietly in peace on the ride home. He hated that he was such a mess, but there was so much on his mind from so many different directions, he was hard to keep together.

Die took the keys and got in, starting the car. Sighing softly, he ran his hand through his hair and bit his lip. Trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut, he put on his seatbelt and pulled out, heading home. "Maybe we can see the movie another day," he murmured, though mostly to himself.

Kaoru gave a tiny nod, reaching over to put a hand on Die's leg. "I'm sorry." He turned himself slightly away, just enough to hide his face, chain smoking out the window. It was bad enough that depression had a firm grip on him, now his mood was bringing down Die. He felt like he just couldn't win, and what was worse, tonight should have been one of the happiest of his life, and he felt like shit; wanted to curl up and die.

Die shook his head a little. "Pizza needs to be put in the fridge anyway." Which was true, so he figured it would do as a reason.

Kaoru made no response, hot tears down his face, keeping his hand on Die's leg and praying silently that he didn't fuck this up, that Die really knew how much he loved him, despite his shattered emotional state.

The drive home was mercifully short, the lights cooperating and getting them to their neck of the woods relatively fast. By the time Die pulled up behind the house, he was already itching for a nice bath. He got out and headed down the walkway and up the back stairs, unlocking the door. He scooped up Makoto and went to put the pizza in the fridge. "Want to take a bath with me?" he asked Kaoru, glancing back toward him.

Kaoru followed after, making sure his car was locked and taking his boots off at the door. At the question, he bit his lip, knowing Die probably wanted him to say yes. "I... I dunno, I think maybe I should just go lay down for a little while."

Die just nodded. "Okay," he murmured, putting Makoto down after nuzzling him and padding off to the bathroom. "Love you." With that, he disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door and starting to draw up a really hot bath. He poured in some vanilla bean bath salts and stripped off, leaning against the counter, his phone in hand. Finally he messaged Kyo. _On the plane?_

Kyo was laid in bed, listening to Fea's sleep-rhythm, his breath and heart synced to each other, slow and steady, strong. When he phone buzzed, he reached for it carefully, smiling a little. _No. My flight is at 5AM. Been crying my eyes out and making love with Fea while I still can. He's sleeping now. How are you?_

Die reached over and shut off the water, climbing into the tub with a hiss before opening his phone and reading the text. He sighed softly. _He's an emotional wreck. We went to dinner, but when we tried to go to a movie, he broke down. I offered a bath and he said he'd go lay down, so I'm in here alone now._

Kyo frowned again, nuzzling against Fea absently while he texted back. _That's bullshit. He has no reason to cry. He has you back._ He couldn't help but take Die's side rather forcefully; after he sent it, he realized Kaoru was facing some very serious health issues, possibly even death, but he couldn't help but put Die's needs before any of that.

Stretching out in the tub, he read the new message and sighed. _I don't even know if that's why he's crying anymore. I think he might be depressed, but I don't know any of the side effects for this tumor. I feel so helpless._

 _Some homecoming._ Kyo sighed, wrapping some of Fea's hair around his fingers.

 _Yeah... well... I guess I shouldn't have expected rainbows and faerie dust. Though... he did give me a ring._ He sent it with a wince. What he really wanted right then was to apologize to Kyo for the scene before he'd left. More than anything, he wanted his friend to be his friend right then, but he was also slowly realizing he needed more friends. Relying on Kyo and Kaoru alone was a rocky road, especially with the feelings he harbored for Kyo.

Kyo had really all but forgotten about the scene from earlier just then, distracted by having his last night with Fea. He read Die's text twice, cocking a brow. _Like... a thumb ring?_ No way had Kaoru actually thought it was a good idea to officially propose after Die had just come back from considering if he even still wanted to be with him anymore... right?

 _Um... no. An engagement ring._ He sighed, running his hand over his face. He really wanted things to just go back to the way they were before... minus the drugs and the tumor, of course. But he didn't like this new way. It made him constantly second guess himself and everything he thought or felt. It was like a disaster waiting to happen.

Kyo felt his heart pound, eyes going wide. He knew somewhere in the shock was jealousy, but he ignored it. _Picture. Now._

At the request, he reached and pulled the ring off his finger, taking a picture of it over the side of the tub. He found it less cruel to do it this way and he didn't like hurting Kyo. Sending it, he slid it back on and closed the phone again, scooting down in the tub and doing his best to relax.

Kyo looked at the ring, not sure how to feel. _At least he does have really good taste._

After Die had gone into the bathroom, Kaoru had laid down in the guest room, curling up in the dark with his face in a pillow and crying his heart out. He hardly even knew where it all came from, but he did his best to simply let it out, not wanting to block it and let it pile up, needing it all out if he was going to be strong enough to let him and Die work. A good fifteen minutes passed before he felt even remotely better and he slowly got up, head heavy and throbbing slightly, going into the kitchen to splash water on his face and put himself together a little. Once he felt more composed, he pulled down a glass and some cherry vodka and seltzer, making Die a strong drink and knocking on the bathroom door gently before pushing it open, padding over and offering the drink, biting his lip in a shy gesture.

 _Yeah... he does._ He sent it, closing his phone and staring down at the water that covered him. At the knock, he startled a little, dropping his phone on the bathmat. At least the fall had been short and the landing on something soft. The phone just bounced and settled, not even turning off in the process.

He looked up at Kaoru, accepting the drink. "Thanks," he murmured softly, taking the drink and sipping it. Obviously Kaoru had thought about him while he'd been gone, since he'd taken the last bit of the cherry vodka with him to Kyo's. Almost every stitch of alcohol, in fact.

Kaoru didn't say anything, just gave a tiny smile and leaned down to kiss Die's hair before going back out of the bathroom again to go curl up with a book on the porch, the porch light attracting moths.

Die watched him go, unsure what exactly that had been all about. Sighing, he settled back, draining the drink in one go. He put the cup aside and started to wash himself off, feeling like he should get out of the bathroom.

Makoto had taken post in front of the bathroom door, smelling Die in there and having missed his other owner. Kaoru could see him through the sheer curtain into the house, smiling. At least somebody knew how to properly welcome Die back home.

He finished up in record time, lifting his robe off the back of the bathroom door right where he'd left it. He used a little of Kaoru's moisturizer on his face and brushed his teeth before filling his glass with water and picking up all his other stuff. Opening the door, he smiled at Makoto. "Come on, boy." He padded off to the bedroom, the pup following.

Inside, he put away his clothing and his packer, getting his meds and taking them before curling up on the bed with his water, cell phone, and Makoto, who chose to lie in his lap, head on one knee.

Makoto nuzzled on him a little, mostly just curling up on him. After a while, Kaoru came back inside and started locking up, putting his book on the coffee table and stepping into the bedroom to check on Die. "You going to bed?"

Die glanced up at him. "Mmm... not sure. Probably. Haven't been able to sleep real well in a while."

Kaoru gave him a sort of sad smile and shrugged, leaning down to kiss his brow again. "I won't bug you then. Night." He turned to go, shutting off the living room light and heading for the guest room.

Die stared at him, wanting to call him back, but not really sure what to say. In some ways he wasn't even sure he wanted him back sleeping in the same bed with him. But in others, he knew if he woke up and Kaoru wasn't there, he'd be sad. Looking down at Makoto, stroking his back, he murmured, "You don't want to stay?"

Makoto flopped over, looking at Die curiously, his tongue lolled out. 

Kaoru got ready for bed, the water running in the bathroom while he washed his face.

Die closed his eyes when he got no response. So... that's how it was going to be then. Fine. He supposed at least he had the dog for the night... maybe. He reached over and snapped off the light, tossing his phone on the nightstand before curling up in the covers, cradling Makoto to his chest. Yeah... he definitely needed more friends.

Kaoru went around for his last check of the house, stopping at Die's bedroom door for a moment, looking in and pursing his lips. He wanted to be in that bed with Die, cradled next to him, but he felt like it was a place he had to earn. Ever since Die first left, the bed had been like a relic for Kaoru, untouched. He couldn't simply start sleeping in it again like none of it had happened.

It didn't matter that Die tried to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he realized how alone he felt and how much he felt like things weren't back together at all. He tossed and he turned until Makoto struggled out of his arms and hopped off the bed, slinking away. Die flopped over on his back, the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes, tears running hotly down his cheeks.

Kaoru slept decently, tired enough to get some form of rest. That is, until Makoto trotted in and started licking his toes. He woke with a start, groaning and rolling over, patting the bed for the puppy, growing bigger by the day, to jump up with him. He lay petting him for a while before getting up, going into the kitchen and turning on the light over the sink, getting himself some water.

Hours passed before Die simply passed out. It wasn't sleep, but it was something because his body insisted on it. Nothing more and nothing less.

Kaoru stood in the doorway of Die's room for a while, staring at his hazy shape in the dark. He wanted everything to be okay, to go back to before all this craziness, before he's started telling himself all the stupid shit that gotten him into this mess, but he knew that he couldn't ever do that, and was afraid he'd ever know how to get out of it again. Biting his lip, he went back to the guest room and lay down, hoping for some rest and that maybe the morning would be a little better.

**To Be Continued…**


	54. Chapter 53

When Die woke up in the morning, it was around seven. He rolled over, feeling almost worse than he had before bed. Sighing, he got up, used the bathroom, and then came back to bed, pushing off his robe and flopping down amongst the covers. Pulling them up at least over his lower half, he checked his phone, finding no new messages. Tossing it back on the nightstand, he sighed, curling up on his side. Already he was wondering if today was going to be different or just more of the same.

Kaoru was already up, having woken about an hour before. He heard Die get up from where he was in the office, sitting and listening to Die move around before moving back to the bedroom. Pursing his lips, he got up, going into the kitchen and pouring some tea, going to the bedroom door and knocking softly. "You awake?"

Die rolled over, staring at him and nodding. "Yeah... how'd you sleep?"

Kaoru just shrugged, walking in and setting the tea on the nightstand. "You?"

"Like shit." Die struggled to sit up, the covers falling down enough to show he was naked underneath. "I just want things to be normal again, Kaoru... do you?"

Kaoru frowned, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Of course I do. More than anything." He looked down at his lap, fiddling his thumbs. "I'm scared it can't be, though, terrified I've broken it too much." He pursed his lips again, rubbing the back of his neck. "And I... I'm sorry I proposed, I feel like I jumped the gun and kind of like the girl proposing in a straight relationship. I should have waited until things started to get better." He couldn't help the things coming out of his mouth, his silly worries feeling a little lighter when he said them, even if they were ridiculous.

The apology for proposing came as a shock to Die and honestly it kind of stung. Maybe Kaoru had jumped the gun, but was him apologizing the equivalent of him taking it back? He didn't know and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Fiddling with the edge of the covers, he sighed softly. "It'll break it more to think like that. We've gotten the dirty laundry all out in the open, right? So now let's move forward again. Unless... you have another idea."

Kaoru chewed his lip hard, bringing one foot up on the bed and hugging his leg to him. "No, I want to move forward. I wouldn't even know what other ideas there are, other than ending this, and that would break me." He sighed and rested his cheek on his knee. "It's just hard to know how to move forward, I guess. I feel so guilty, and with everything going on with me right now, I feel like my whole life is on pause."

Die's hand twitched a little in his lap. "Well, I'm not part of it to be put on hold." Maybe that was biting, but he wasn't and he wouldn't be. "Deal with me, Kaoru. Please. Stop brooding and deal with me. I'm here now."

Kaoru's heart sort of jumped and he hugged his leg tighter. "I'm sorry. I'm just so confused and so depressed right now, it's hard to think, and you know I could hardly do that in the first damn place." He gave a soft, stale laugh. "I... I don't want to waste time. If I don't make it see my next birthday, I want to spend what I have left being happy with you, being _married_ to you, but not only is it not about just what I want, I don't want everything to wind up fine and us feel like we should have waited."

Die let out a little sound that was something like a whistle under his breath. Shaking his head, he murmured, "What's the difference? Between us being together and us being married? Really? A couple signatures and someone's official okie-dokie, right?"

Kaoru made a little face, picking at a string on his shirt. "Well, I mean I guess you could see it that way... but I guess when we're together, it's just right now, but marriage... I mean sure, there's divorce, but... it's just the whole idea of officially saying that you're what I want. Forever, for the rest of my life, only you."

Die really didn't like the way that had come out. Something about the piece where it was just right now sounded wrong and he tried to tell himself that wasn't how Kaoru had meant it at all. He pushed a hand through his hair and then rubbed his face. "I've been in this for forever since day one, Kaoru."

Kaoru didn't know what to say, and even if he did, he knew he'd lose it if he tried to speak, already tearing up, yet again. He pressed his cheek against his knee, sniffing and just gritting his teeth.

Maybe he had a knack for saying the wrong things, Die honestly couldn't tell. Shifting forward, he put his arms around Kaoru, tugging him back. He wasn't going to say he was sorry, because he had nothing to be sorry about. But the urge was there, nevertheless.

Kaoru shook, all but collapsing against Die, crying quietly. "I wish I could stop hurting you, I wish everything I said didn't put you down somehow or make it sound like you've done something wrong, but it always does."

Cradling Kaoru in his arms, he felt more lost than he'd even felt sitting in that Wendy's that entire time. He didn't even know where to start with any of this. After a few moments, he murmured, "I know this sounds insensitive, but did they tell you to expect any symptoms with the tumor? Certain emotional things or... anything?"

Kaoru pulled away slowly, sitting up and looking ashamed of himself, giving a tiny nod.

“Like what?" he breathed out, hoping depression was on that list. Because if it was, then maybe they could give him something to help with it.

Kaoru toyed with his hands again, unable to look at Die. He felt like he had a big expiration date on him, like fruit that was about to go bad. "Um... seizures, loss of appetite, hyperactivity," - even as he said it, he was fidgeting - "personality change and mood swings, headache, and, ah..." A dark blush covered his cheeks as he barely breathed out the last word, "Impotence."

Die studied him, putting the facts away in his brain. Okay, so that was why Kaoru had snapped at him the morning of his flight and the personality changes and mood swings covered the depression well enough. He nodded. "Okay. Can you call your doctor and ask him for an antidepressant or something maybe?" he asked softly, rubbing at Kaoru's back.

Kaoru gave a little shrug. "We've talked about it. They don't want to drug me up too much before the biopsy. It's hard to tell what's a physical symptom of the tumor and what's just psychological from processing all of this. I guess I should ask again..." He bit his lip harder, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. "I just feel like damaged goods. I'm scared to tell you everything that's going on with me."

The urge to beat his own head into a brick wall welled up inside Die. He hadn't been expecting to deal with his own emotional trauma and all of Kaoru's as well. But that seemed like where this was going and he knew he'd do it automatically. "It's okay... if they don't want you on anything else, that's fine." He wasn't going to argue with the doctors no matter how hard this was going to be on their relationship. "Please don't keep things from me. I need to know what's going on in order to help at all. If I don't know, then I can't act... or react... appropriately."

Kaoru trembled, trying to keep together. "Well... when I had hallucinations before, they were little things, and infrequent. Like... a wall would ripple or I'd hear a voice, but something about it, I always knew it was a hallucination, so it wouldn't bug me. But now, they're more frequent, and they're more real, and the ones recently have been..." He hugged himself and shivered. "Terrifying. I can't even really describe them; waking up and seeing faces over me, hearing people banging at the windows. Even though I know it's not real, I feel like it's starting to get to me, like I'm starting to crack." He shook his head, pushing a hand into his hair. "It's not so bad on the nights where I'm feeling better, but... there have been a few times, since the first time you left, that..." He turned his face away, his voice softer. "That I've just fallen into a hole, and I lay awake thinking of how I could kill myself... if you'd be better off like that. I always feel like shit when the feeling passes, because I know it's selfish to think I'm that important in the first place."

Die didn't even know what to say to that. He hadn't been expecting it to affect Kaoru in such a way, especially not enough that he'd think about suicide. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, many things he wanted to say drifting through and then stopping. Finally he settled on one thing. "I don't care if you don't want to, you're sleeping in here from now on. If you want to know if something's real or not, just ask me. Okay?"

All Kaoru could do was nod a little, still looking anywhere but at Die.

Die sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'll make sure you keep eating right. You eat when I do. Okay?"

Again, Kaoru only nodded, feeling more and more like a burden to Die.

“Did they say what kind of seizures? I know there's the kind where you shake a lot and then there's a kind where you just kind of... space out and forget what happened."

Kaoru gave a little shrug, sort of sinking in on himself. "Well, I mean... when I blacked out on my run yesterday, that was a seizure. It's all related to the pressure in my skull, it's fucking with blood flow and what have you."

Die nodded. "Alright. So we prevent the strenuous activity and we prevent the seizures." And suddenly it dawned on him that the sex he'd wanted the night before was a strenuous activity and he'd been putting Kaoru in danger. The color drained from his face and he swallowed thickly.

"Not necessarily, but, I guess in theory that works." He made a face. "I like working out, though."

Die nodded. "Maybe... we could do yoga together or something? It'll keep you in shape and it's less strenuous. But maybe you should clear that with your doctor first, just to be on the safe side. Tell him we'll be doing it together, three times a week?"

Kaoru chewed at his lip and gave a tiny nod. "You... you don't have to take care of me. I don't want you to get guilted into staying with me."

"I'm with you because I want to be. I wouldn't be back here right now if I didn't want to be. I'd be with Kyo, heading to Japan in the morning."

Kaoru nodded his understanding, pressing his face to his knee to soak up the stray tear he was trying to hide. "All of this bullshit is my fault... I'm so sorry."

"Baby... please stop apologizing." Die really didn't know what to say anymore when such things happened and he didn't want to tell him he didn't want to hear it.

Kaoru just slowly got up, looking meek, his usually perfect posture hunched and reserved. "I'm gonna go smoke..." He shuffled out and curled onto the bench on the porch, lighting a clove, laying his head on his knees.

Die watched him go, leaning over and pushing his hands though his hair. He had the sinking feeling they were going to need serious relationship counseling before this was all over. Shaking it off, he got up and put on a pair of dark blue jeans and a button-up red shirt over his black tank top. That done, he went to go freshen up in the bathroom and then moved his laptop to the office. Plopping down, he opened it and logged in, immediately going to look through his email.

Kaoru managed to keep out of the way for another hour or two, drinking tea and sitting on the porch, thinking. His emotions felt so out of sorts, out of control, like he could feel them and was affected by them, but had no control over them or real reasoning for them at all. He tried to analyze them, feeling a little better after a long while. Quietly, he came into the office, sitting down in the other chair and clearing his throat. "I'm sorry. For overreacting. For all my outbursts. I should know better and realize you're here because you love me, that you're willing to stick by me because of that. And I do, part of me knows that, but the stupid part's still at the forefront and I'm still working on fighting it. I've been a wreck without you and I guess I'm just still recovering."

Die peered over at him and nodded. "Yeah... it's okay, baby. I just want to reinforce why I'm here." He saved what he'd been working on, studying him. "I have an interview tomorrow. There's a bar on ninth willing to pay to let me get my bartender's license and then let me work there Fridays and Saturdays. Do you have a problem with me working in such a place?"

Kaoru shrugged. "No, I guess not. Other than the fact you're way over-qualified for it."

Die shrugged. "It's not a terrible job and it'll bring in a good amount of money. I'll be certified in two weeks and they're letting me work the big days. I guess their usual guy got hitched and left the state entirely. I answered all their questions correctly and the paperwork is just kinda a technicality." He typed in a quick response to tell them he'd be there and sent it before sitting back again. "It sounds kinda fun and it's at the bar with all the bands on the weekends. I can probably pick up more of the kind of work I want to be doing being there."

Kaoru nodded a little. "I hope so." He leaned forward, hesitated for a second, then leaned a bit more and pressed a kiss to Die's temple before standing up and going off to the kitchen for more tea and to contemplate lunch.

Die watched him go, wondering how he felt about it really. He hoped he was being honest, but all he could do was hope. Shifting forward, he continued through his emails.

Kaoru ended up making roast beef sandwiches and putting them on plates with the rest of a potato salad he'd bought a few days before at the grocery store, taking a plate into the office for Die, setting it down with a glass of lemonade before going back into the kitchen to eat his own, going slow, making himself get it all down. He was feeling a little nauseous again, but not so bad he couldn't keep his food down.

Die thanked Kaoru for the lunch when he brought it, devouring it in record time. He was oddly hungry despite having eaten well last night and he figured it had something to do with his body realizing he needed to get some mass back on it. Quietly, he started research on finding Nina. Within the hour, he had her number.

Kaoru leaned in the office door around one, checking the watch Die had given him. "The party is at eight, and it's probably about an hour's drive. I want to start getting ready around five, just so you know."

Die looked up. "Yeah, okay. Do you already have what you want me to wear or should we go pick something up?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I haven't picked anything out yet, but I'm sure I can put something together with what we've already got. I'm considering whether or not I want to bat my eyes and get you into those stiletto boots you wore the first time you came to Derrick's." He smirked a little, going to the closet where he'd once kept his outfits for Yuuko, now down to only a few choice pieces in case he felt the urge or was asked to do a special event. Some of his old clothes from college were in there, as well. He dug around and pulled out a few shirts and jackets, along with a small bag of costume jewelry and a pair of Victorian-style slacks.

Die laughed. "I'll wear them if you want me to. They're in the back of my closet."

Kaoru purred a little, going to grab them, setting them on the floor and then draping Die's tight red jeans on the couch, draping three different shirts over the back of the couch, all black; one an aristocratic-looking button down, another a ruffled almost peasant-styled shirt with bell sleeves, and the other what was almost more a jacket than a shirt, reminiscent of an SS uniform in style. He rubbed his chin, looking at Die. "Which one?"

Die got up and came out, looking at the various shirts. He pointed at the jacket. "That one."

Kaoru bit his lip, nodding. He would definitely have a hard time not grab-assing Die all night in that. Taking the outfit into the bedroom, he set it out on the bench at the foot of the bed, digging around to find his own for the night so that he could lounge around and read until it was time to get ready.

Die went back and shut his computer down, saving Nina's number into his phone. He put his dishes away and then came back out. "Kaoru?"

Kaoru was digging through the closet in the guest room again, butt up in the air. "Uh huh?" he called, rooting around.

Die came in, seeing Kaoru's ass and promptly looking away. He'd already decided that he shouldn't have any kind of relations with Kaoru until this whole tumor thing was over because he surely didn't want to be the cause of his death or any more seizures. Looking was not going to help him keep that promise. "I found Nina's number."

Kaoru crawled backwards out of the closet, holding several pieces of clothing, a collection of lace, leather, cotton, velvet, and satin all in some musty black mass, and looked at Die. "Yeah?"

Die took a deep breath and then sighed. "Do you want me to set up something with her in the next few days?"

Kaoru sat back on his heels, sort of hugging his clothes to his chest. He gave a little nod. "Sure. I guess that sounds okay." He wasn't so certain how he felt about going to a faith healer, but he supposed it was better than nothing.

Die licked his lips and then nodded. "I'll call her... are you free tomorrow?"

Kaoru thought for a moment. "I am, but, depending on what happens tonight, we might be kind of hung over tomorrow." He gave a little smirk and started looking through the clothing he'd pulled out of the closet.

Die shrugged. "I'm certain some booze will not bother her. She's going to cleanse you first anyway." That much he clearly remembered. He wandered off, padding out onto the porch where he made the call. 

"Hello?" Her voice was oddly like Die remembered it though maybe slightly more shaky.

"Nina? It's Dai... Andou. My Nana brought me to you once a long time ago."

"Hmm... Dai... Dai... oh, yes, the appendix, right?" She gave a little laugh. "How's that doing, anyway?"

"Fine... perfect actually." He sat down in the chair and lit a cigarette. "But I am calling about your work... are you still doing it?"

"Dai... once a healer, always a healer. It never changes. It's not a gift you give back. No returns and all that."

"Yeah, I suppose not." He fell silent, not quite sure how to phrase what he wanted.

"You have a job for me. Spit it out, my child."

"My boyfriend... he has a brain tumor. It's been operated on once a long time ago, but it's back... and it might kill him. We want to do everything we can to see that it doesn't and I thought of you."

"When were you looking to come?"

"Tomorrow if possible."

"It's always possible, my child. You know the fee your grandmother paid, right?"

Die closed his eyes and bit his lip for a moment. "The cost of materials and an apple pie, if I recall."

"Make it cherry... if I remember, you like red."

Die laughed softly. "Yeah... I do." He gave her their address and set the time for six pm, giving them enough time to nurse hangovers they might have and get ready.

Coming back inside, he took out the makings for a cherry pie, calculating the time and seeing he could make it and get it done in time for them to leave for the party. He started in on it immediately.

"It's set for six tomorrow," he called out.

Kaoru had his outfit laid out in the chair in the bedroom and was curled up with some lemonade on the couch. "Hmm? Oh. Alright, good." He sipped at his drink and turned the page, Makoto curled up in the little tent of his drawn-up knees.

Die smiled to himself, making the pie in record time. With that done, he put it in the oven and came out to sit with Kaoru. "Her fee is whatever the materials cost is and a pie. So I'm making one. Should come out right before we leave."

Kaoru closed his book around a finger, lifting a brow at Die. "Seriously?" He gave a little shrug and a smirk. "I'm kind of excited about tonight. I can't wait to see you all dolled up."

"Seriously. She likes pie and she only charges for the materials because it'd run her broke otherwise." He smiled, lounging back on the couch. "I'm glad."

He put his book down, sitting up a little. "Could I maybe get some photos of the ring now?"

Die nodded a little. "Is here fine or should I go somewhere else?"

Kaoru tilted his head. "Maybe go down to the river walk?" He smirked a little. "I promise we'll stroll, nothing strenuous."

Die glanced at the oven. Technically they weren't supposed to leave the oven unattended and he didn't want to deal with a burnt down house right then. "The oven's on... maybe the back yard or something?"

Kaoru made a face. "I was thinking more about the railings at the bridge. The porch will work alright, it's got all the light right now." He got up and grabbed his camera from the office, stepping out onto the porch, looking around to try and visualize what would be the best shot.

Die got up and trailed after him. "Just don't want to burn the house down, you know?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I know, it's okay." He stepped down onto the walkway and pointed to the front steps. "Sit? With your elbows on your knees and your hands sort of clasped, I guess."

Die did exactly what he was asked, sitting down and clasping his hands together, leaving his hands kind of hanging between his knees, but only a little.

Kaoru moved around him, playing with settings and moving Die just a little until he got the photo he wanted. He then moved to sit behind Die, pressed up against his back and held the camera out in front of them, kissing Die's neck gently as he hit the shutter.

Die looked up at the camera, trying hard to give the photo a calm look and not one of him looking as pleased as he was to have Kaoru kissing at his neck.

Kaoru purred against his skin, taking one more photo with his face pressed into Die's neck and hair before hugging him around the shoulders. "Mm. Thank you."

"No problem," he murmured softly, patting Kaoru's hand before getting up and wandering back inside, going to check on the pie.

Kaoru put his camera away, announcing quietly that he was going to take a shower before slipping off into the bathroom, setting about shaving and getting into a shower, taking a long, hot one, trying to relax.

Die, on the other hand, slipped back into the bedroom, finding his boots and then plopping down on the bed on his stomach, wondering how exactly he was going to handle being a horny bastard without making Kaoru feel bad. He wasn't about to pour his pills down the toilet again and he wasn't so sure he liked the half-dose idea, so all that left him with was getting off himself... obviously, without Kaoru knowing. It'd have to be his own dirty little secret that he did a few times a day so he didn't bother Kaoru at all in the sex department. But the problem there was that it was just that; a secret... and dirty.

He sighed, he glanced over at his drawer and then toward the other room. Opening the drawer, he grabbed a small red vibrator and a package of wipes and went to the other room, putting them in the desk drawer where Kaoru had no reason to be rooting around. Shutting it, he decided at least once in a while, he could use porn.

Wandering back into the bedroom, he flopped down and just laid there.

Once Kaoru was done, he preened in the mirror for a long while, putting on lotion and moisturizing his face, plucking his eyebrows a bit and putting on deodorant before going out in a towel to the bedroom to root around for some underwear.

When Kaoru came in, Die turned over and almost instantly regretted it. Mostly naked Kaoru. This was difficult already, and he wasn't even at the point where he was actually getting really turned on. He could only imagine what a few days from now would be like. He turned back over and murmured into the cover, "Should I get ready now?"

Kaoru dropped the towel into the hamper, pulling on a tight pair of black briefs with a dark violet trim, with little glow-in-the-dark white stars along that. He then grabbed the towel again and scrubbed at his head, trying to get his hair mostly dry. "You don't have to get dressed now, but sure, a shower now would be good."

Die made a face. He'd already washed in the bath last night. But he took it as a hint that maybe he smelled bad already or something. Sometimes his sense of smell wasn't the best in the world. So he pushed himself up, snatched up a pair of underwear and his robe before heading into the bathroom, closing the door and stripping.

Kaoru pulled on a loose pair of yoga pants for the time being, peeking in the oven at Die's pie. It smelled amazing and looked perfect. He smirked a little and poured himself some more lemonade before taking Makoto out to the pen to run around and go to the bathroom, coming back inside and watching some TV for a while.

Die carefully took his shower, freshened up, and then dried his hair. Dressing in his underwear, putting his packer in, and pulling the robe over it all, he came back out and picked up his jeans and the jacket type thing and dressed in them. With that done, he went to find Kaoru. "Hey... so how should I do my hair?"

Kaoru looked up at Die, practically drooling, instantly. He gave a slow smile, standing. "Super straight, parted a bit to the side."

"Alright, will do." He smoothed his hands down his sides and then turned to head off to the bathroom. "Should I do my makeup and should I have any jewelry?"

Kaoru nodded. "I've got some of my costume jewelry in that little bag on the dresser if you want to pick some stuff out. A pale face and really dramatic, dark eyes would be lovely."

Die nodded. "Uh... I assume you have the powder?"

"All my make-up is in the caboodle under the counter." He went into the bedroom and pulled on the black slacks, worn to a bit more on the charcoal grey side, fairly tight along his legs and cut high-waisted like a Victorian style. He went into the bathroom and finished drying his hair, then used styling wax to try and give it a faux-hawk that didn't make him look too much like a douchebag.

Die dug around, getting out Kaoru's makeup kit. He found the powder pretty quickly and he did a careful application after he took off the jacket so he didn't get it powdered. Then he used his black eyeliner pencil to rim his eyes, using some black shadow on his eyelids.

Kaoru used a tinted moisturizer to just try and get his complexion even and then started ringing his eyes in kohl, brushing on some nude shimmer and then putting black over it. He took his time, trying to find the right middle between too much and not enough. He put on a nude matte lipstick and shrugged, fixing his hair again. When he was satisfied, he went into the bedroom and finished dressing, coming back in a Victorian jacket with violet details. He looked Die over, biting his lip in a pleased way. "It's still a little early. Want to heat up the rest of the pizza and eat before we go? Maybe you pre-game so you can drop off when I start getting too drunk to drive back?" He smirked a little.

Die chuckled, nodding. "Will do." He grabbed the half empty bottle of Jack off the shelf, not bothering with a glass. "Heat our pizza, baby."

Kaoru pulled out the pizza, putting it on a pan and putting it in the oven with the pie to heat up, leaning against the counter and then going to grab a quick-dry nail polish pen, doing his nails black quickly. "Everyone at work has been wanting to meet you, so, prepare to be bombarded and bothered like a new toy or something."

Die took a swig from the bottle and laughed. "I'm sure it'll be fine, baby."

Kaoru watched Die swig straight from the bottle, his interest oddly piqued by the image. He felt like he was in high school or the early years of college again. Smirking, he grabbed Die around the waist, tugging him close. "I like showing you off, anyway."

Die laughed softly, nodding. "Good. I like being the center of attention when I'm boozed up."

Kaoru purred, stretching up to peck Die's lips. "Nn, I'll try not to get jealous." He winked and pulled back, checking on the pizza and then pouring himself some juice. He waited another minute and then pulled the pizza out, grabbing some paper plates. "How much longer does your pie have?"

"Half an hour about," he murmured, knocking back another swig of Jack.

Kaoru nodded and split up the pizza, handing Die a plate and leaning against the counter, eating his quickly, off in thought and quiet. When he finished, he went into the office and grabbed his camera again, coming back out and setting it, in its bag, on the counter. "If I start acting too retarded, make sure I put this in the trunk of the car, please."

Die gave him a little salute. "Aye aye, captain."

Kaoru gave him another little smirk. "Gah, you look sexy." He blushed faintly. "I don't know if it's because it's such a throw-back to when I first started having sex or what, but... I gotta say, I really love the look on you." He leaned on one hip against the counter, devouring Die with his eyes. "Mm."

Die couldn't help but smirk a little, ducking his head and then wiping a hand over his mouth. Kaoru's compliments made him feel good, if not slightly odd.

Kaoru went to put on some jewelry, his amber ring going on along with a thick leather wrist band. He took the opal necklace from Die off its usual chain and strung it onto a black ribbon choker, clasping it around his neck and checking himself in the mirror. As soon as the pie was done, they could head out.

Die quickly consumed his pizza and most of the rest of the bottle of Jack before he removed the pie from the oven, setting it out to cool on top of the counter. With that done, he took the final few swallows of the booze and headed through the house to the back door, stepping out and lighting a cigarette.

Kaoru grabbed a pair of knee-high black Doc Martens, putting them on at the back porch, stuffing his pants legs into them before locking the door and heading to the car.

Die padded along beside him, finishing up his cigarette on the way to the car. He flicked the butt into the alley and crawled into the passenger seat.

Kaoru couldn't help himself; as soon as he was on the road, he reached and placed his hand high on Die's thigh. "Those boots are gonna kill me, babe."

He glanced over at him and laughed. "Mmm... if I knew you liked them so much, I'd have worn them more."

Kaoru gave a small, low growl, squeezing Die's leg. "I _definitely_ like them."

"Then I'll wear them more often." He smiled, more than happy to do such a thing for his baby.

Kaoru bit his lip in a pleased smirk, stroking the top of Die's leg affectionately. He reached and turned on his iPod, playing it on shuffle, hitting the interstate. He looked over at Die briefly, a bright pink sunset lighting his lover's paled face. "So for reference, how pre-gamed are you?"

Die laughed. "Well, I had half a bottle of jack. What do you think?" The look on his face was one of pure amusement.

Kaoru rolled his eyes a little, reaching for Die's hand. "Well, I figured. But your tolerance surprises me sometimes, and you don't really act drunk. You made it across the yard in stiletto heels."

"Mmm... it just takes a while to set in. By the time we get there, you'll be lucky to get me to walk." He laughed, shaking his head a little.

Kaoru laughed as well, lifting his hand to sort of cup Die's chin, his fingers stroking before he dropped his hand back down. "Mm, I'll be sure to catch up once we're there."

He smirked at Kaoru, already feeling the effects of the alcohol running through his body. He felt woozy and the world was tilting ever so slightly. He let himself laugh a little bit, not even sure why.

The drive was fairly uneventful, mostly interstate until they got off and drove through some hills in a rich neighborhood, heading towards a mansion that looked like a modernist version of a Romanian castle at the secluded back of the area. Kaoru gave his name to the bouncers at the gate and drove up the hill, parking off the side of the driveway and grabbing his camera bag, walking around to open Die's door, figuring he would probably need an arm to hold onto.

"Baby..." Die murmured about halfway through the hills, "I'm tanked." He let out a giggle and pushed his hand through his hair with a dumb grin on his face. Die managed to get unbuckled, but Kaoru was very right about needing the arm to hold onto. He pulled himself out and clung to Kaoru's arm, grinning dorkily at him.

Kaoru laughed a little, making sure to keep a grip on Die in case he stumbled, going up to the steps of the house to a chic, darkly dressed woman with a clipboard, giving his name again and getting checked off before a bouncer in a suit opened the door for them. The large living room was open at the center with tables around the edges and the glass doors opened out onto the patio and lawn, lit with gas lanterns. The kitchen had been turned into an open bar and everything was lit like a dance club, if dungeons had dance clubs, a DJ booth in the corner playing post-punk at the moment. 

There were already a good number of people there. Kaoru tucked an arm around Die and headed over to the bar, where his editor, Gloria, was standing in a floor-length black silk gown, her hair piled up on top of her head in sleek platinum blonde curls. She turned around, her bare shoulders thin and tattooed with ivy, honey brown eyes done up in fuchsia makeup with winged-out liquid black liner cat-eyes. She made an excited face and waved, going up to Kaoru and hugging him around the neck, hardly eye-to-eye with him, even in five-inch gold heels. 

"Hi darling!" She pulled away, still beaming, obviously a people person simply from the easy way she dealt with both of them, putting a hand out to touch and gently squeeze Die's arm. Kaoru had his mouth open, trying to introduce Gloria himself, but she was way ahead of him. "Finally, we see the boyfriend! We were beginning to wonder if he locked you in the attic." She put her hand out, the black lace gloves making it look like a delicate spider. "Gloria Betrice, in the editor-in-chief at Morbid." 

Die eyed the woman, thinking how nice she looked in that particular dress. Smiling, he let out a laugh. "Actually, he keeps me in the basement. It's slightly more convenient." He gave her a wink and slid his arm more around Kaoru's waist. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I go by Die." He extended his free hand to her to shake it.

She smiled sweetly again and shook his hand firmly, giving a little laugh at his joke. Dropping Die's hand, she looked at both of them and gave a single approving nod. "You're cute together." 

Kaoru blushed and Gloria put her hand out. "You know my rule, though. Give me your jacket and I'll go hang it up." Kaoru laughed and rolled his eyes, unbuttoning his jacket while Gloria explained to Die, "I don't let him cover his tattoos at functions." She gave him a little wink and Kaoru took the jacket off, revealing a black leather corset underneath, only covering an inch or so of the bottoms of where his sleeves came up onto his chest and ending at his hips, over the slacks. He handed his jacket to Gloria and she grinned a little evilly. "I've got to go mingle and play hostess, hopefully I'll get to come and chat a little later." She stepped around them and rubbed Die's arm. "It was lovely meeting you."

Die's eyes lit up when Kaoru started stripping off his jacket. He never got over Kaoru's ink and how much he loved looking at it. He licked his lips a little and shook his head. "I don't think there's a shirt in existence that wouldn't cover most of mine." He chuckled, sliding both arms around Kaoru's waist and pulling him close, leaning in to nibble on his lower lip. With a little tug, he pulled back.

Kaoru gave a surprised gasp at the love bite to his lip, melting into it for a moment and then turning pink when Die pulled away, tugging him over towards the bar. "Come on, I'll get a drink and we'll go around making nice for a while." He ordered a triple gin gimlet, taking the large glass and sipping at it, looking around to see who was at the party that it would be rude not to say hello to. Spotting a knot of people over at a table, he headed in that direction, arm-in-arm with Die. He made introductions around; one of the music writers and his wife, a fashion columnist and two of her male friends who looked like they might actually be twin brothers, one of the head writers and her husband, and a local musician who was a friend of Gloria's. All of them gave polite smiles and handshakes to Die, Erin, the fashion columnist, kissing both of Kaoru's cheeks and gushing over how good both of them looked together for a moment.

Die just sort of followed him around, licking his lips every few seconds. Apparently it was kind of a nervous gesture. He grabbed a water from a passing waitress, tossing her a dollar and grinning. He figured Kaoru had told him he should drive back, so he needed to try to work on getting sober over the next few hours.

Kaoru leaned into Die, fit against him as they moved around and chat idly with other people from the magazine. By the time he was done with his drink, he had said hello to everyone he needed to and could just relax and have fun for the most part. He put his empty glass on a passing tray and grabbed two flutes of champagne from it, gesturing with his head for Die to follow him outside onto the flagstone veranda, going over to a quiet corner and handing a flute to Die. "We haven't really celebrated yet. Hell, I haven't even told anyone. I wanted to introduce you as my fiancé, but it still doesn't even sound real." He tugged Die against him and lifted his glass. "To us?"

Die offered him a soft smile and accepted the flute. He gently clinked his flute with Kaoru's. Smiling, he took a sip from the glass and then gently kissed Kaoru's cheek. "To us."

Kaoru drank nearly half in one go before reaching to the back of Die's neck, pulling him down for a firm kiss on the mouth, deepening it for a moment before he heard the click of a camera shutter and turned to see another worker for the magazine. He rolled his eyes and blushed slightly, about to make a comment before she hurried off again. "She writes the sex column. I'm pretty open about you being trans, so..." he blushed again, this time out of slight shame. "I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind. I never really asked you if it was alright to ‘out’ you about it."

Die just watched the girl go with an amused look, shrugging slightly. "It's fine. These people probably won't mind. I just don't like people knowing that don't accept." He leaned back on the railing, studying Kaoru. "I like the corset... a lot... by the way."

Kaoru made a bashful expression, touching a hand to his leather-clad stomach. "I do, too. Makes me feel sexy." He finished the champagne and set the glass aside, pulling his camera out of its bag and throwing the strap around his neck. He lifted it and snapped a few quick shots of Die. "I'm going to make a quick round for photos and then put my camera back in the car. Do you want to park it somewhere with a drink while I do that, or do you want to tag along? I'll try to be quick. Once I'm done, I'm gonna start getting hammered."

Die shrugged a little. "I think I'll stick around out here actually. It's nice and I could use a smoke." He lifted the flute to his lips and took a long swig.

Kaoru nodded, giving Die another little kiss and wandering around outside taking photos before heading in. Several minutes later, Gloria appeared, sneaking off to smoke a clove, seeing Die and giving a smile. "Had to escape for a minute. I can't wait for all the stuck-ups to leave so we can actually have a damn party. There's going to be an upstairs VIP lounge with, ah," she gave a suggestive wink, "performers around midnight. You and Kaoru are on the list to go up, of course."

Die glanced up when she came out, smiling at her. His eyes lit up a little when she said performers. "What kind of performers are we talking?" There were all kinds of possibilities. They could have gotten strippers or some kind of kinky act... or even things like suspension. Die's blood boiled at that one, a little smirk on his lips as he finished off his campaign, lighting up a menthol.

Gloria lit her clove and looked devious. "Some burlesque dancers, a freak show will be doing some short acts downstairs, too, and then probably around one or two... well..." She shrugged a little. "There's no delicate way to put it, there's a sex show. Live porn, basically."

Heat shot through Die almost instantly. Okay... Kaoru's parties were awesome, that's all there was to it. He gave her a wicked grin, leaning with his forearms on the railing. "Sounds fuckin' sweet." He took a drag of his cigarette and let the smoke out gradually. "You guys throw a wicked party."

Gloria gave another little shrug of her thin shoulders, smirking. "We try. I mean, the kink community is a pretty inherent part of the Goth scene, and the metal heads and the punks aren't exactly vanilla, either." She tugged her dress up a bit to adjust it and then leaned over the railing next to Die, touching his hand and inspecting a ring. "Jesus, that's gorgeous! Is it real?"

"Trust me when I tell you I'm anything but vanilla." He laughed softly, taking another drag. When she touched his ring, he moved his hand closer to her. "As far as I know." He smiled softly.

She chuckled a bit and then stopped, tilting her head. "Wait... did Ka give this to you?" She blinked before her eyes widened. "Did he--? Oh my gawd!" She let out a little squeal and then quieted herself with a blush, stepping closer, despite the fact there was no one in earshot. "Are you keeping it a secret for now?"

Die nodded. "Yeah... yesterday." He blushed and shrugged. "He says it doesn't quite feel real yet, so he's not flaunting it."

"Wow." She was obviously very stunned, releasing Die's hand and then getting herself together again, smiling. "Congratulations, then."

"Thank you," he murmured softly. "So... out of curiosity... what's Kaoru like at work?"

Gloria sort of laughed, blowing out a slow stream of smoke. "Well, he's not in often. Most of the column writers work from home pretty easily. We're not that big of a magazine, anyway. But I guess we all think of him as quiet, very polite and sort of intense on first impression. When I first met him, I remember thinking he was very severe, but I think it's a protective front, now that I've known him for several years. He's good at what he does, so I honestly don't have reason to talk to him much. He turns things in on time and readers like his columns." She scooted a little closer. "I know he's more inclined to do photography than write, though. You met Avery, right? Well, now that he and Nicole married, I'm about to have my music writer position open up. I'm thinking about giving it to Kaoru. I think it would suit him better, not to mention he deserves a raise by now. I don't own the magazine, I just run it, so I can really only justify any notable pay increase by an actual promotion." She touched a finger to her lips. "Keep it a secret? None of it's set in stone yet."

Die's eyes lit up. "He'd love that... so much. I really hope that does come through for him." He smiled, leaning back. "So... on an odd note... any chance you guys ever have some outside artists you work with?"

Gloria cut her eyes to both sides before sliding up next to Die, her arm around him, voice nearly at a whisper. "This is tip-top-secret, okay? We're in the process of being bought right now. Sold, really. Our owner went bust and we're getting taken over by a bigger company. We might get to distribute nationally, and we'll also have some changes and maybe even a budget increase. It could be a month, it could be a year or never. If it _does_ happen... well..." She shrugged. "My email is on our website, just send me a resume and portfolio and I'll keep you in mind. If I like your work, I prefer to keep people around that I trust and know already to some extent."

Die nodded. "Alright." He flicked some ash off his cigarette. "There's no chance of things like... going wrong in the sale is there? Like the whole thing getting shut down?"

Gloria sighed. "I hope not. Maybe. But I hope not." Flicking the cherry off the cigarette, she tossed the butt into the ashtray and rubbed Die's arm. "Time to go put back on my hostess face." She smiled and walked off, going back into the house. 

Die nodded, watching her go, leaning against the balcony. He lit up another cigarette and waited.

Nearly a half hour later, Kaoru reappeared, sans camera, with another gin gimlet in hand, and obviously a few more already in him. He looked a bit flushed and was wobbling slightly. He found Die and slid over to him, pressing up against him with a little purr. "Miss me?"

By the time Kaoru came out, Die was through another four smokes. He smashed out the last one and licked his lips, sliding his arms around Kaoru's waist. "Indeed, I did."

The shorter man grinned and nuzzled into Die's side. "It's finally turning into a party instead of a mingle. Want to go in for a while? Maybe dance?"

Die nodded a bit. "Sure. Is there some kind of munchies to try to absorb some of this booze?"

Kaoru nodded. "There's hors d'oeuvre trays going around." He slipped his hand down and laced their fingers together, going back into the house, a group of people now turning the center of the room into a dance floor while weird industrial played loudly over the speakers in each corner of the room.

Die followed Kaoru out, his hand in the other man's. "Your boss saw the ring, by the way."

Kaoru sighed, deadpanning, "Well, everyone will probably know by tonight." He smirked then and shrugged, kissing Die's shoulder. "Oh well. It's not like I'm trying to hide it, I just don't really feel like putting it in everyone's face yet." A waiter glided by and Kaoru grabbed three stuffed mushrooms off the tray, handing two to Die and popping the other one into his mouth. He kept crossing the room to the table at the far wall with finger foods.

Die accepted the mushrooms and slipped them into his mouth, smiling as he chewed. "Mmm... these are actually really good."

Kaoru rubbed the small of Die's back, giving him a soft smile, reaching for a piece of cheese, figuring he'd let Die eat and sober up a bit before heading out to the dance floor. He was liquored up enough that by the time he finished his drink, he wouldn't care how foolish he might look.

Die picked through the food, getting a plate of food. He had crackers and grapes and cheese and even a few pieces of melon. He nibbled on everything and grabbed a cup of water from the cooler, avoiding the punch which smelled of booze. "Try some punch, Kaoru." He chuckled.

Kaoru's eyes were looking a little glassy, but they sparkled with something sexual at Die. "You want to get me plastered, don't you?" All the same, he tossed back his drink and ladled some punch into his glass, sipping at it. "Fuck, this could strip paint!"

Die laughed. "Maybe. You deserve to be drunk and happy tonight." He grinned at him and settled against the wall, eating all of his food from the plate. That done, he trashed the plate and leaned over to sniff the drink. "Jesus."

Kaoru grinned a little and kissed Die shortly. "Mm. I am happy. And probably drunk by now." He set the now empty glass aside and tugged Die towards the dance floor, turning around and pressing up against him, moving his body to the rhythm. He pressed his lips to Die's ear and shouted over the music, loudest there, "I was going to order a redheaded slut, but I already have one." He gave an evil smile and slid one hand over Die's ass.

Smiling, Die shifted closer to Kaoru on the dance floor, grinding up against him because it was almost the only way he knew how to dance. "Mmm... redheaded sluts are amazing... but I'm glad you like this one better," he replied before he leaned in real close and hissed out, "You like drinking this one?"

Kaoru growled, curling his fingers in Die's hair and kissing his neck. "You know damn well I do."

Die chuckled, grabbing Kaoru's hips and pressing hard against him for a long moment before leaning down to catch his lips.

Kaoru's eyes slipped shut and he slipped his arms up around Die's neck, feeling like his insides had gone runny. He opened his lips to Die, pressing back against him.

Die explored his mouth for a good couple minutes before pulling back, going back to dancing, not wanting to cause too terribly much of a scene.

Kaoru gave in, letting Die do whatever he liked and reciprocating just enough that Die wouldn't get the impression he wasn't interested, but not enough to take control over from his lover. When Die pulled away, he pressed to his ear again. "Do you want to head upstairs for a while? There's a VIP party, it just started up, I think."

Die nodded. He liked the idea of going upstairs with what he had heard about it. "Upstairs sounds like fun."

Nodding, Kaoru squeezed out of the group of people, slipping off towards the bathrooms and then back down the hallway to a remote staircase. There was, of course, another checkpoint there, but this time they didn't need to give any names, they were simply let through. He hugged the railing, starting to really feel the alcohol, and a woman, hardly dressed at all, pointed them down the hall towards a room with three sort of low stages set up and velvet covered benches around the walls. On the stages and mingling around the room giving lap dances were strippers in various stages of undress, six women and two men. The room was small enough to feel full without actually being so. Music pulsed, weird stuff loud enough to be felt more then heard and Kaoru took Die's hand, sliding around at the back of the crowd .

Die couldn't help but look at the various scantily clad people as he walked past them. He let Kaoru lead, his eyes on a man giving a very happy looking woman a lapdance, the stripper obviously partially aroused. Heat spiraled through him to his groin and he licked his lips a little. He tugged Kaoru over to some seats where they could watch everyone, settling down and tugging his lover down next to him.

Kaoru sat with his leg pressed up against Die's. For a while he simply watched, amused by the range of people looking on, relaxed and encouraging of the dancers, and those who seemed perhaps embarrassed and obviously the most aroused. He was watching one of the male dancers when his view was suddenly blocked by a woman making a bee-line for them, barefoot and topless, wearing a white g-string. Her skin was somewhat tan and smooth, her hair a bronzy color, long and in tousled curls, her makeup rather light and natural for a stripper, but then again the other dancers didn't look like typical strippers either. She gave them both a sly smile and started to dance for them, not even asking if they wanted her to, pushing her breasts together, then up, then sliding her hands farther up around her neck and into her hair, letting her tits drop back, the nipples now hard from the slight stimulation. Kaoru was sort of dumbstruck, watching her.

Die gave a little chuckle, sitting back and crossing one leg over the other. He glanced at Kaoru from the corner of his eyes, smirking. As discretely as he could, he gestured for her to actually dance more for Kaoru, willing to let it happen because he could watch and she was a stripper, after all.

She gave an exaggerated pout at Die obviously deflecting her advances, but took the hint, moving closer and writhing her body in front of Kaoru, putting her hands on his shoulders and dropping down, slithering back up him, pushing in between his knees and fixing him with a vixen gaze. She moved around on her knees between Kaoru's legs for a minute more, tugging at her nipples and tossing her hair, her movements fluid and sensual as much as they were pure lust. After a moment, she stood, standing with her calves against the bench and gyrating her heart-shaped ass in Kaoru's face before hooking her thumbs at the sides of the white g-string and slowly bending over, pulling it down and stepping out of it, tossing it up under the bench carelessly and putting her palms on the floor, shifting her weight to her hands completely for a moment, hopping both legs out just a bit and angling her hips, her bald, neatly folded pussy on display. 

Kaoru looked somewhere between mortified and like he wanted to fall face-first into it.

Die watched Kaoru carefully, smirking a bit. He tilted his head to stare down at the stripper's pussy, making a little humming sound. Maybe he should shave his or something... maybe. Sniffing a bit, he looked over at a cute black-haired white boy who wasn't leaving much to the imagination on how his cock was shaped or anything else for that matter. He wanted to call him over and get his own show, but he didn't feel like making Kaoru jealous or anything. When the boy kind of started over, Die looked back down at the floor, blushing faintly.

The woman reached back and took Kaoru's hands by the wrists, putting them on her hips and began to move again, sitting down in Kaoru's lap and grinding her ass against his crotch, which was actually starting to react to everything. She moved his hands up to her breasts and leaned back against his chest. "It's not a strip club, you can touch. I'll let you know if it's unwelcome." He sort of gave a nervous chuckle. "I'm Ainsley," she announced over the music, having to sort of shout in his ear. Kaoru simply replied, "Ka," and the dancer kept moving, turning her head and sort of feathering kisses against the tattoo on Kaoru's throat. In a quick motion, she pushed herself up and turned around, straddling his lap and getting up on her knees, pressing her breasts together in his face.

Die watched what was going on beside him for a minute before he felt a feather-light touch on his shoulder. He looked up to find the cute boy standing in front of him. He had bright blue eyes and a fairly toned physique, but not over done at all. "Do you want a dance?" he asked in his ear.

Die bit his lip a little, trying to figure out what would be best. But then the woman in Kaoru's lap shifted and he saw how hard his lover was. With a slight shiver, he gave the boy a small nod. It wasn't but a moment later that the boy slid onto his lap, putting his arms around Die's shoulders and starting to grind himself.

Kaoru let out a small sound somewhere between bliss and agony when he caught a glimpse of the boy in Die's lap, grinding away. Ainsley leaned in and pressed herself against him. "What's wrong?" She could feel his cock against her pussy through his pants and chuckled, figuring it out, since Kaoru was unable to explain, just working his mouth. "This isn't a strip club, you don't have to hide the fact you're turned on. It's why we're here. Enjoy it. If you cum in your pants, I'll feel cocky, not offended." Her fingers rubbed at the back of his neck and he seemed to relax after a moment, his hands coming to cup her breasts again, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples. She tossed her hair back at that, letting out a delicate sound and arching into the touch.

Die let the boy grind on him for quite a while, his hands on either side of himself on the seat. "Don't you want to touch?" the boy asked him and Die thought about it for a few seconds before shaking his head a little. He was honestly afraid to; afraid Kaoru would react badly if he did. As it was, he was making the crotch of his pants pretty damn wet.

Die shivered a little as the boy shifted even closer to him. He felt like he needed to go have a few minutes in the bathroom alone to cool off. But he wasn't about to leave. Inside his chest, his heart fluttered wildly, his breathing coming fast. He shuddered again and bit his lip. Finally, he gently gestured the boy away a little bit, making the young man give him a perplexed look. "Have I done something you do not like?"

Die shook his head a little and murmured quietly in his ear, "Too aroused."

Ainsley pulled away after a moment of letting Kaoru stroke along her inner thighs, winking at him. "Can't let you hog me." She brushed the tips of her fingers over Die's thigh as she walked away and Kaoru leaned back into the wall, panting a little, glad everyone else in the room looked about as horny or at least as drunk as he was. He turned his head and watched Die and the stripper, amused and curious.

The boy laughed softly in his ear. "You know... I wouldn't mind if, say... you wanted to meet me in the bathroom in a few minutes." Die's eyes widened a little and he shook his head, tilting his head toward Kaoru. "I have a boyfriend." The kid shrugged. "I'm gonna take my break. Come if you want. If you don't... I won't take it to heart." With that, he got up and wandered off, leaving Die looking shocked and slightly out of sorts.

He looked over at Kaoru once the stripper was gone and muttered, "I just got hit on by a stripper..." shaking his head, he let out a quiet laugh and scooted closer to Kaoru's side, putting his hand on his lover's thigh.

Kaoru chuckled and slipped his arm around Die's waist. "I think I did, too. You're fucking hot, especially tonight, no wonder you got hit on." He leaned in and kissed Die's jaw, shifting a little and ignoring his hard-on. Without direct stimulus, like Ainsley rubbing herself all over him, he could pretend he wasn't ready to spear someone on his cock. "Do you want to stay here, or head back down? It will probably be another hour or two before it gets much more interesting than dances."

Die glanced around the room and then back at Kaoru. Swallowing a bit, he slid his hand a little higher. "Wanna find somewhere to do something about this?" He couldn't help but ask, even though he knew he wasn't supposed to be being a horny fucker. But if Kaoru was actually hard, he'd be damned if he wasn't going to try to use it.

Kaoru twitched, his grip around Die's waist tightening. He licked his lips and looked around. There was already someone getting a handjob, a couple more than likely having sex in a corner, and the other male dancer had his hand up one woman's dress. Feeling daring, he whispered in Die's ear, "We don't need to find anywhere."

Die shifted in his seat, his eyes dark with lust. A moment later, he gave up all pretenses. He wanted to fuck and he didn't care who watched. Standing up, he undid his pants and slid them down along with his underwear and packer, managing to get them past the boots and off. The jacket was next, falling on top of the heap. Reaching out, he undid Kaoru's pants, pulling his dick free of his pants before he slid onto his lap, straddling him and sinking down on his dick with a sigh of pleasure.

Kaoru watched as Die stripped, his pulse rising, only making him harder. When Die sank over him, he let out a loud moan, both hands going to his lover's back, feeling the texture of the fresh tattoo. He bucked up into him slightly, sliding his lips over a collar bone and then down, gnawing at a nipple. He felt like everyone was watching and it terrified him, despite the fact that such occurrences were not uncommon with the VIP parties and he'd seen most of the other workers for the magazine hard or naked or getting some sort of sexual favor at some point. All the same, it was too wonderful inside Die to care.

Die put his hands on Kaoru's shoulders, slowly rising and falling on his dick, his movements slow and purposely built to drive him higher. His hips moved in half-time to the beats of the music, his nipples hard and aching. His pussy clenched around Kaoru's length, almost quivering with the arousal he felt from doing this in front of everyone. It turned him on even more than he'd really thought possible. Such a blatant act in front of all these people and he could feel them watching, knew some of them were envious or lusting after one or both of them.

Kaoru moved back up and kissed hungrily at Die's neck, hugging him around the waist. "Turn around," he panted in his lover's ear. "Watch them watch you."

Die pressed himself closer for a moment before slowly raising himself up. Gracefully, he slid his leg off and turned around. Moving back into Kaoru's arms, he slid down his chest, reaching between his legs to steady Kaoru's dick. He slid down on it with a rather unrestrained moan. His eyes flicked up to watch the other people in the room as he started to move, eyes locking with each one that was watching them.

Kaoru scooted himself to the edge of the bench, leaning back against the wall and grabbing Die's hips, looking over the tattoo and feeling his arousal boil, embarrassed, even terrified, to be fucking Die in front of all these people, most of whom he not only knew but worked with, but he could tell how bad it was turning Die on, which only served to make him hornier, as well. He kissed gently around the top of the tree, bucking up into his lover, already close, but holding back, wanting this to happen on Die's terms.

One of the guys Die had seen Kaoru talking to earlier was watching them astutely, the bulge in his pants rather obvious. He was hard as hell and Die somehow worked off of that, biting his lip while he moved up and down on Kaoru's dick. His hips tilted forward and then rocked back while Die tugged one of Kaoru's hands up to his chest, running it over his hardened nipple. He let out another groan, tossing his head back.

Over the music, he moaned out, "Jerk me off, baby," just loud enough to be heard over the music.

Almost immediately, Kaoru's hand was over Die's hip and down between his legs, stroking off the little cock. He reached his other hand up and brushed Die's hair aside, kissing his neck lovingly, moaning against it.

Die let out a loud cry of pleasure, shivering rather harshly. His nipples were achingly hard, his pussy tight. The moment Kaoru started touching his lady-dick, he felt the sweet arrow of pleasure shoot straight through him. Tossing his head back, he came hard, spasming around Kaoru's dick. His hips arched, back straining, several gushes of his lady jizz wetting the floor in front of them.

There was a ripple through the people around them that were paying attention, some shocked, some almost tempted to applaud. Kaoru gave a loud whine, grabbing Die around the waist and bucking up into him. After a moment of hard, erratic thrusts, he found his end, cumming hard enough to feel like he might faint, filling Die with his hot release.

Die let out another cry at how Kaoru was fucking him, clenching around him until he felt the heat of his lover's release filling him. "Kaoru," he breathed out, kind of bonelessly flopping back against him. A little shiver went through him and he bit his lip, closing his eyes.

Kaoru trembled, holding tightly onto Die, face pressed into his neck, feeling safe there. His hands wandered slightly, just rubbing across his lover's stomach, lips kissing softly as he came back to himself. "Nn... baby... that was amazing." He kept his face in Die's hair and throat, afraid to look at the people around them.

Die nodded, panting softly while he came down from what they'd just done. He shivered slightly and reached back to rub at Kaoru's hair. "Gonna get dressed," he murmured.

Kaoru blushed darkly, noticing Gloria at the back of the crowd wearing a smug grin. "Okay... want to go smoke once you're put back together?"

Getting up, he went about getting his clothing back on, putting his packer back in real carefully. Glancing over at the man who'd been attentively staring at him, he noticed he had his dick out and was beating off rather forcefully. He shot him a grin and tugged his jacket back on, doing it up and licking his lips a little. Smirking, he held his hand out to Kaoru. "Now we smoke."

Kaoru took it, pressing up against Die as if trying to hide behind him. "Okay, come on." He pushed Die through the crowd and out the door, heading back down the stairs and around a side exit to the yard, away from the outdoor party on the veranda. He hugged onto Die once out in the cold and looked up at the sky. "If you could choose how you died, what would you choose?"

Die walked ahead of Kaoru, noting how he was kind of hiding behind him. Once they were outside, he held him close and opened his mouth to ask if he regretted what they'd just done. But Kaoru beat him to the punch, asking his own question. Die closed his mouth and thought about it while he dug his cigarettes out, lighting two and handing one over to Kaoru. "Mmm... in my sleep."

Kaoru took it, sort of wanting a menthol just then, if only because it would taste like Die. "Mm. I'm similar, sort of. I want to die in my sleep, in your arms, whether it's five months from now, or in fifty years."

Die thought it kind of sweet, but he also thought it rather morbid for him, especially if he woke up with his lover dead in his arms. The lasting effects from such a thing would probably drive him to his brink and over. But he wasn't about to tell him that. Instead, he just tugged him closer, kissing the side of his head.

Kaoru hugged onto Die, rocking back and forth a little. "I love you, baby... I don't want to die now. I want to live a long, happy life with you. I want us to be grandpas together."

Die nodded, smoking away at his cigarette. "Me, too..." the thought of being alone again kind of terrified him.

Kaoru's cigarette-less hand played down Die's back, chin over his lover's shoulder. The booze was turning his brain a little dark, but he knew what was on his mind had to be said. "If it goes south... I mean, if everything goes worst case scenario... know I won't blame you if you leave. I wouldn't want you to have to put me in the ground; I don't want you to have to watch me die."

Die's back went rigid, the comment pulling him right out of any drunk he had left. He stared at the ground for a long moment before shaking his head. "I said I'd stand by you and I will."

Kaoru put his arms tighter around Die, sighing deeply. "I love you, you know... I will for the rest of my life, no matter what happens."

"I love you, too," Die murmured, putting the cigarette to his lips and taking in a long draw, letting it back out through his nose. It stung a little and gave him another reason for the slight shimmer of tears in his eyes.

Kaoru rocked back and forth with him for a while, smoking over Die's shoulder. After a moment, he pulled back. "Want to walk around to the veranda?"

Die gave a little nod, letting go of Kaoru and starting to make his way forward.

Kaoru slipped his hand down to take Die's, walking around to the yard set up for the party, the lanterns giving a nice glow everywhere. Kaoru started over towards the fountain to sit when someone sidled up to them, smoking a long cigarette and grinning. "Quite a show, gentlemen." It was the female dancer from upstairs, wrapped in a robe and wearing black flats. She smirked and looked at Die's crotch rather obviously. "And lady..." She pushed her weight onto one hip and looked at Kaoru. "I'm in the show later. Will you be up?"

Kaoru sort of stammered, looking between her and Die.

Die paused, staring at her and blushing something awful. Without really thinking about it, he murmured, "I'm in process of getting my real dick. And... yes, we intend to be up there for that." Right then he didn't really care if Kaoru wanted to go up or not. He did and hell if he wasn't being selfish tonight.

Ainsley smirked. "I figured as much. You two had better be there." She sucked at the end of her cigarette, stepping a little closer to them and offering her hand in between, not caring which one shook it first. "Ainsley Muller, by the way. Believe it or not, I'm actually an artist." 

Kaoru took it first and shook it, introducing himself again, more formally, then stopped, still holding onto her hand. "Wait... I know that name..." He thought a moment, then let go of her hand, looking shocked. "You do the shadow boxes! You've got your stuff at the museum right now!"

The girl, whose pussy had just been in Kaoru's face a half an hour ago, blushed. "Ah... yeah. That's me."

Die blinked at the name, instantly realizing who this woman was. He took her hand once Kaoru had shaken it. "Die Andou." He let go faster than Kaoru though and watched them talk, puffing away at his cigarette.

Kaoru sort of stammered, hugging onto Die's arm as he stared at the woman that had given him a lap dance and a hard-on. "I love your work! I've been to the art museum maybe six times in the last month just to see it. You're amazing!"

She blushed a little, flicking ashes from her cigarette and tossing her hair with a shrug. "It's nothing, really. Just... what comes out of me..."

Kaoru shook his head. "No, no, that's exactly it! That's why it's so good!"

Ainsley seemed to blush deeper, sort of laughing behind her hand. "Ah, thank you. That," she pointed towards the house, "is just as much my art, though, as anything. I like to live art. I feel like I'd burst if I wasn't creating something." She looked between them and smiled darkly. "You two fucking like that... that was art. Part of that was me creating it. I liked it, I wish I could have recorded it. I do a lot of performance art." She looked at Die for a long moment and then Kaoru. "I don't mind audience participation, by the way. Maybe, later... if either of you would like to join...." She shrugged and her robe slipped down over her shoulder.

Die arched an eyebrow at her and thought about it for a moment. Kaoru had said he wanted to fuck a real girl and here was one... one he idolized to some extent. In a way it made Die jealous, but in another he thought maybe if he showed Kaoru that he was okay with him fucking other people if he could watch... then maybe Kaoru wouldn't want other people without Die around. In some twisted way, it made sense.

Ainsley moved closer still, touching Die's arm. "I mean, I understand if you don't want to feel like some kind of sideshow act. But... a man that's a woman from the waist down... I'll just be forward, would you be opposed to me maybe eating you or using a double-sided dildo with you?"

Kaoru sort of gasped, then clamped his mouth shut. The idea was both arousing and funny. 

Die's mouth fell open. He hadn't expected that at all. He'd thought her interested in Kaoru, not in him. "Um..." he managed to get out, looking at Kaoru and then back at her. He wasn't particularly opposed to it, but he wondered how Kaoru would feel about it. Finally, he settled on, "I'm not opposed, but ask Kaoru what he thinks. Whatever he says goes."

Kaoru looked at Die, switching to Japanese for a moment. "I'm in no position to tell you what to do." And then, back in English, he looked at Ainsley. "I would love to watch you with him."

Die gave Kaoru a look, muttering in Japanese, "I want you to make this decision." When he spoke to Ainsley, he blushed a bit and ducked his head. "I'm usually loud," he murmured under his breath.

Ainsley gave a little growl, grabbing Die around the waist and yanking him towards her. "I like 'em loud. I have to let Brett fuck me first, but then it's sort of free-form from there. I'll find you and we'll go with whatever you're comfortable with, alright?" She looked at Kaoru, then back at Die. "Before I start at all, would you mind letting your boyfriend warm me up? Finger me, I mean."

Die gasped at being yanked toward her. It was an odd feeling knowing he was probably about to be dominated by a woman. But somehow he was oddly okay with it. New sexual experiences were always welcome in his book. He nodded. "Of course."

She didn't even bother asking Kaoru, just grinning and leaning in to give Die's neck a rather hungry kiss and then pulling away. "I've got to go back up. The sex show will start in an hour or so." She winked at both of them and then wandered off, going around the house to get upstairs. 

Kaoru gnawed on his lip, putting his arm around Die again. "Well this is all very unexpected."

Die gasped at the kiss to his neck, letting his eyes close. He thought for a moment he should tell her he loved nipple play to see what would happen. Maybe they would get freaky with his nipples. Who knew. He leaned into Kaoru's touch and looked content. "Indeed."

Kaoru sucked his cigarette down the filter, then tossed it into an ashtray. "You really don't mind?"

Die shook his head, doing the same with his own cigarette. "She's gonna do stuff to me... so of course not."

The shorter man grinned, ruffling Die's straightened hair. "I'm honestly really surprised you'd let a woman do that to you, but... the idea of watching her eat you out is really fucking hot. Even hotter if you're alright with using a dildo with her."

Die shrugged some. "I thought I'd be weirded out, but I'm not. I actually kind of like the idea."

Kaoru gave a little growl, smirking. "So do I. Come on, do you want to dance while we kill some time?"

Die nodded a little, following Kaoru inside. "Dancing sounds like a good way to pass the time." He paused, glancing at the bar. "Could we take a cab home?" Because if he was gonna let a chick down in his junk, he seriously needed more liquid courage.

Kaoru laughed. "Whatever..." He let go of Die and went off to dance by himself, leaving Die to go get a drink if he chose.

Die watched him go, a little confused before he shrugged and went to get four fingers of whiskey in a glass. He downed it and paid for it, heading back out to find Kaoru as soon as he was done.

Kaoru was trying not to be overtaken by a very drunk older guy dressed up like some waif-built vampire and he was trying to deflect him as politely as possible. 

When he saw Die, he moved over to them immediately and grabbed onto his lover, hoping that the obvious interest in someone else would put the other man off. 

The man chuckled a little, rolling his eyes.

Die stared at this other man, giving him the 'excuse me' face and then burying his nose in Kaoru's neck, smelling of him.

Kaoru purred, grabbing onto his lover and then hissing in his ear, "When she eats you out, will she taste me? Is my cum still in you?"

Die nodded, chuckling softly. "Yeah, she will."

Kaoru's hands squeezed at Die's ass and his nibbled at his lover's ear. "Mm, good..."

"I'll taste like you and my own juices," he muttered against his lover's neck. "Like _us_."

Kaoru moaned slightly, pulling Die harder against him, moving his body to the music. "Perfect." He continued to dance, moving with Die and just enjoying how they felt against each other, letting the hour pass easily pressed against the redhead.

Die moved with Kaoru, content to be where he was and with who he was. Smiling, he continued dancing, even giving Kaoru some naughty grinds.

Kaoru played along gladly, tracing his tongue along Die's jugular, tasting his skin. When he was sweaty and starting to feel a bit sober, he tugged at Die's wrist, gesturing towards the hall they'd taken to go upstairs. "Ready?"

Die nodded, wrapping his arm around Kaoru's waist as they moved to go upstairs. He gave a bit of a lecherous grin. "This is gonna be fun."

Kaoru smirked, hugging onto Die as they went up the stairs and down the hall, back into the room they had been in before, couples already blatantly having sex on the benches along the walls. One actual performance had begun with the boy who had given Die a lap dance getting fucked by the other male dancer, on his knees on the center platform in the room. Kaoru went back to their bench from earlier, sitting down and looking around.

It wasn't long before Ainsley found them, walking over, completely nude, leaning down to kiss Die's cheek and then straddling Kaoru's lap, looking at him expectantly. "Get me wet. Brett never preps. I can't stand fucking him, make me want it bad."

Kaoru's eyes went wide and he looked at the gorgeous woman in his lap dumbly for a moment. She was about ready to slap him into action, it seemed, when he finally got his wits about him and reached to cup her round tits, leaning down and sucking gently on a nipple. Her head hung back and she sighed happily, giving a little laugh and touching his hair.

Die kind of hungrily watched the two boys going about it on the main stage. It was arousing as hell for him and he could already feel his lower regions getting wet again. Something about watching that boy had him on edge. Just the way he moved, the way he held himself... even the way his cock bobbed with each thrust. Die crossed his legs, having to in order to not slide his hand down and start touching himself.

Kaoru fondled and sucked at Ainsley's tits until he was sure she was nearly bored with that, then licked his thumb, sliding it down to her clean, bald pussy and rubbing circles around her clit. It was odd, rubbing at one that was small and tucked away, and with a face full of soft breasts, but... somehow arousing, too. 

Ainsley's hands squeezed his shoulders and she arched up into the touch, purring as his other hand slid down to rub over her slit, waiting until she was wet enough to slide in one finger, working it around, then two, starting to fuck her with them and rub her clit in tighter, faster circles. She was a mess of gasps and moans, bucking back against his hands. Just when she was about to cum, and the show with the two men had ended, the boy on the bottom having cum, she slapped his hands away. "Fuck... you've got magic fingers." 

After a while, Die ended up looking at what Kaoru was doing to Ainsley. He wasn't sure if he liked what he saw or if he was jealous. Either way, he still watched, eyes dark with lust. When she got up, he chuckled. "You have no idea." He scooted closer to Kaoru and tried to be discrete about peering down at his lap to see if he was hard.

She leaned down and kissed him shortly, getting up and sort of wobbling, her breath still coming short. "Alright. Enjoy the show, I guess." Collecting herself, she walked over to the stage nearest them and got down on her knees, the top from the two men putting on a clean condom and getting behind her, grabbing a fistful of her hair, and shoving in savagely before starting to fuck her hard.

 

Kaoru wasn't hard, though he was certainly turned on, looking at his fingers coated in Ainsley's juices and trying to be discrete about wiping them onto the bench cushion. He watching the other performer shove into her and start pounding her, biting his lip hard and gripping Die's knee. "Fuck. I can't wait to watch her eat your pussy. I want to cum just thinking about it." Apparently he had done the trick for Ainsley, or she was just a good actress; she was pushing back against the brutal thrusts into her, moaning, nearly screaming, begging for more.

Die chuckled softly, his eyes going back to the show in front of them and then to the other people in the room. "Mmm... something about this is just... arousing as all hell." 

Something, indeed. Like the fact that people were fucking right in front of him. Getting an idea, he pulled out his phone and texted Kyo. _Live sex show... fuck. God yes._

Kaoru leaned to look at the phone, laughing a little to see he was texting Kyo before going back to enjoying watching Ainsley get her brains fucked out. Brett, not having cum with the other boy, was quick to finish, really, slamming into her a last few times before pulling out, the end of the condom full of his cum. 

Ainsley sagged, obviously unsatisfied and sort of annoyed, pointing at Die as the male performer moved away from her.

Die gulped, texting Kyo again real fast. _Totally in it._ He sent it and shoved his phone back in his pocket before coming up toward the stage. He wasn't quite sure what to do, hovering just off-stage, blushing like a moron.

Kaoru sat back, grinning like an idiot. 

Ainsley pushed herself up and grabbed Die by the wrist, grabbing a few cushions at the edge of the stage and tossing them into a pile, tugging Die closer to her. "Get undressed and lie back."

Die allowed himself to be dragged forward, nodding a little as he started to undress, feeling less sexy and more clumsy as he attempted to at least make some show of it. He left his boots on, not feeling like bothering with them again and settled back on the pillows, lounging there.

A crowd quickly formed around their stage, even though two women were currently fingering each other in the sixty-nine position at the other end of the room. Kaoru had to get up and go over to them just to see. 

Ainsley smiled and leaned down to kiss Die's collar bone, parting his thighs. She slinked down his body quickly, facing his large clit and sort of purring, tentatively putting out her tongue to lick at it.

Die whined softly, gripping the pillows under him as Ainsley licked at his clit. He let out another whimper and then whispered, "Suck it," to her, hoping she'd take the advice.

Ainsley stroked along his thighs, cocking a brow at the request, then obliged, sucking it into her mouth like she might a dick, lavishing it with her tongue and watching him for a reaction.

Die let out a loud gasp, his hips arching up at the sucking on his clit. Biting his lower lip, he flushed, looking up at all the people, his eyes dark as he scanned each and every single one of them. He could see them all in various stages of arousal and for a moment, images of an orgy entered his mind, thoughts of everyone touching themselves to what he and Ainsley were doing meandered through his mind and he couldn't help but be turned on by them.

Ainsley's tongue worked slow magic, sucking and flicking and toying at Die's clit before her fingers moved up to his pussy, sliding up and down the slit before prodding at the entrance, not sure if that was alright.

Die gasped, arching toward what she was doing, just closing his eyes and abandoning himself to what was happening. This was amazing and that was all there was to it. He'd just let it go where it did and enjoy the feeling of someone else while he stared at all of these other people watching him.

Sensing no resistance, she carefully pushed two fingers into him, suckling at the very tip of his clit and sinking her fingers slowly all the way in.

He whined again, pushing his hips up a little and looking for Kaoru among the faces, hoping to find him horny and not unhappy.

Indeed, Kaoru was off to Ainsley's left so that he could really see what was going on, his hand at his crotch, rubbing at it; it felt good, even though he wasn't getting erect. He squirmed a little, watching as the woman's mouth and fingers left Die briefly and she readjusted, dipping down to thrust her tongue into Die's hot center, tasting him completely.

Die let out a cry of excitement when that tongue probed into his core. He squirmed a little bit under her and stared up at Kaoru, his eyes dark with lust.

Kaoru locked eyes with him, squeezing at his cock while Ainsley ate Die out like there was no tomorrow. After several minutes, another girl who had been floating around the room letting people finger her brought a double-ended dildo over to them and set it on the stage before going off again.

Die noticed the toy before Ainsley did, his eyes resting on the object, a slight smirk on his lips. He let out a soft sound and reached to gently tug on her hair. "Fuck me with it," he whispered, still staring at the dildo.

Ainsley blinked, surfacing from between Die's legs and looking at the toy. She gave a nod and picked it up, spreading Die open with one hand and sinking the dildo into him with the other. Once it was seated, she pumped it a few times before getting up on her knees, straddling one of Die's thighs. Carefully, she pressed the other end to her own pussy, and sank down on it, pushing until their cunts met one another and she nearly came just to feel it, tossing her head back and starting to grind.

Die watched her with avid interest, his eyes dark while he stared up at her and then back down between them. Something about having a woman grinding on him was exciting and honestly different, though the feeling of a toy inside him made him tremendously aroused. Moans started pouring from his mouth in increasing number and volume, his own hips moving, trying to fuck the dildo.

Ainsley grabbed Die's hips for leverage, keeping them pushed tight together, the thick rod of silicon joining them together. It felt amazing and she knew if it kept up she would cum. As she set into a rhythm on top of Die, a man from the crowd, younger and slim, with a long, slender cock, stepped up beside Ainsley and stood with his cock in his hand, obviously knowing whatever procedure this was. 

Die watched Ainsley sucking the guy's dick, his hands still fisted in the pillows at his sides. What was happening down below felt amazing and he loved every second of it, grinding back against her pussy like his life depended on what was happening. Already he could feel his orgasm building up, but he knew he'd have more than that in store, so he didn't bother to try to stop it.

She hesitated a moment, then leaned a little, grabbing his hip to steady herself and starting to suck him off while she fucked Die. Apparently inspired by his boldness, another man, slightly older, perhaps in his mid-thirties, knelt down at Die's head on the edge of the platform, stroking his thick, average-length cock rather close to Die, as though waiting for the redhead to take it. 

Kaoru bristled slightly at seeing this, then relaxed. If Die wanted to, he wouldn't stop him. Tonight would be a good chance for his lover's ferocious sexual appetite to have some fun.

When the man came to jerk off near his head, Die hesitated for a moment before shifting slightly, reaching to touch his dick, stroking over it. Maybe he wasn't ready to have it in his mouth, but he'd touch the offered dick at least.

Ainsley's hand wandered over Die's chest, stroking along his side affectionately, trying to keep making sure he was alright while the man she was sucking off started to fuck her throat, holding her by the hair and thrusting past her lips, choking her several times, but she didn't resist, continuing to bounce and grind against Die while she let him fuck her mouth. The man at Die's head let go of his cock and patiently let Die stroke him, though he obviously wanted more, nearly panting as he watched the younger man violate Ainsley's supple mouth.

Die just continued giving him a really nice handjob, his hips arching up toward Ainsley the entire time. He didn't really want to suck someone off right in front of Kaoru. It was kind of one of those reserved things, he supposed. Or at least it was for the time being.

He spit in his hand and used it as lube for the guy, jerking him off with flicks of his wrist while he arched up toward Ainsley again and again, groaning and moaning.

Kaoru honestly felt anxious for Die to suck the other man off, watching him and feeling arousal boil through him. The boy Ainsley was sucking finished and she spit his cum into a tissue, going back full force into fucking Die, moaning louder, getting closer, obviously. The man at Die's head started to buck into his movements and came rather quietly, his release dribbling over Die's fingers. Ainsley gave a growl, watching it all, all these people cumming, and pulled off of the dildo, grabbing a woman from the crowd to keep thrusting it inside Die before she scaled up to straddle his chest. "Will you eat me? Finger me, maybe? I'm so fucking close, I'm gonna scream if I don't cum soon."

Die whimpered when Ainsley came up, asking if he'd eat her out. He didn't want to not give back, but the thought of doing so still grossed him out. But after a moment, he realized it was probably the only chance he'd ever have to experience such a thing and he gave in on that merit. If it was too gross, he'd just stop and finger the hell out of her. Wiping the man's cum off on some tissues, he reached for her thighs, drawing her up over his face and experimentally running the tip of his tongue over her cunt.

Ainsley whimpered out an, "Oh thank you god," shuddering and pressing against Die's face, trying not to smother him. She spread her thighs more and angled her hips out, trying to urge him on while the woman who had been left to thrust the dildo into Die seemed a little confused, pushing it in and just turning it.

Die whined because of the dildo not fucking him as hard anymore, but went for it with Ainsley, hoping she'd maybe fuck his brains out with the damn dildo afterward. His tongue flickered there for a moment before slipping between the wet folds, trying not to taste but instead focusing on what he liked. His tongue speared in a few times and then he dragged it up and over her clit, moving his hands up to part her lips, flicking his tongue quickly over her clit. 

Kaoru was stunned, watching Die tease Ainsley's clit. It was overwhelming and surreal, the whole situation. 

Ainsley grabbed Die by the hair and ground herself against his mouth, moaning loudly, "Aaaw yes! Yeah! Fuck!" It took hardly no time before she was cumming, spasming hard, her back strained.

Die let out a sort of shocked sound as he continued eating her out. When she came Die gave her a few more stabs of his tongue and then let his head fall back while he licked his lips. "My turn," he murmured, his eyes bright.

Ainsley gave a breathless laugh, sitting back for a moment before shifting to lie beside Die, batting away the woman turning the dildo and starting to thrust it, nuzzling Die's neck. 

Die let out a whimper, arching up with each thrust. Biting his lip, he shuddered, his eyes flicking over to Kaoru, one hand reaching toward him. He wanted to touch him, even just to hold his hand. Kaoru watched his hand come out, pushing through the crowd and crawling up onto the low stage, taking Die's hand and kissing the back of it.

Die curled his fingers around Kaoru's, holding on tight. Another whine left him and then the position of the dildo shifted just enough to start striking his g-spot. He started crying out like a two dollar whore, his hips jerking, body writhing, his face screwed up in absolute pleasure. It wasn't but a few more seconds before he let out a sharp scream, hips snapping up as he came, squirting out over the floor between his legs.

There was something like a cheer that went up as Die came, Ainsley fucking him a little longer before pulling the dildo out and smirking, leaning up to give him a little kiss.

Die squeezed his hand even harder, panting quietly. When that kiss came, he paused a little, unsure about it. But she pulled back fast enough that it was okay. His eyes flicked up to Kaoru's and he tugged him a little, wanting to get a kiss from him.

Ainsley moved away, dispersing the crowd so they might have some type of privacy. Kaoru moved forward and cupped Die's cheek, kissing him softly.

Die gave her a little smile before he leaned up into the kiss from Kaoru. He pushed his hand up into his hair, gently tugging him down and exploring his lover's mouth with a moan. He shivered, shifting to curl up as close to Kaoru as he could, trying to filter his love to the other.

A surprised sound left Kaoru and he kissed Die back, shifting to lie beside him. He ran his hands tenderly over his lover's body, purring. Die shifted, rolling them over so he was over Kaoru, kissing him happily. His body came to rest over Kaoru's, hips shifting a little to see if Kaoru needed any help in the arousal department without having to actually ask.

Though horny, Kaoru wasn't hard, wrapping his arms around Die's waist, instead, fingers splayed at the small of his back. Die slid his tongue into his lover's mouth, exploring for a long few minutes before he pulled back, his eyes dark and sparkling. "I love you, Kaoru Niikura."

Kaoru realized as Die's tongue slid around his mouth that he could taste Ainsley on it; somehow the thought didn't spark jealousy in him, but rather, made him more turned on, tugging Die against him more and kissing him back heatedly. When Die pulled away and uttered those words, he felt a pleasant tingle run through him and he smiled, leaning up to put a hand in Die's hair and give him a soft kiss. "I love you, Daisuke."

Die smiled up at him, reveling in the moment for as long as he could possibly think to allow it. But after a moment, he realized they were still very much in the public view. "Should we go home now?"

Kaoru blushed darkly, giving a little nod. "I guess so. All this has sobered me up, I'm good to drive."

Die leaned down for another kiss before he got up and moved to get his clothing, starting to tug it on.

Kaoru sat up and scooted to the edge of the stage, grabbing the jacket and helping Die into it. As he turned to start making his way out of the room, Ainsley appeared, looking shy all of a sudden after having sex with Die rather shamelessly right in front of everyone. She licked her lips and handed out a card between them, not wanting to seem to be giving it to one or the other. "Just in case you want a repeat. Or just coffee." She shrugged a little, seeming to blush.

Die finished dressing and followed Kaoru toward the door. He blinked when the card was offered and he reached out a hand to take it. Tucking it in his pocket, he nodded and offered her a smile, not really knowing what to truly say.

Kaoru watched Die take the card and just sort of nodded, heading out the door. He knew he'd certainly like to have coffee with Ainsley and talk about her work, but he wasn't really sure how Die would feel about that. He wouldn't worry about it now, though. Heading back downstairs, he tried to find Gloria to tell her goodbye, but she was nowhere to be seen. He shrugged and took Die's arm, heading outside and toward the car.

Die padded along after Kaoru, humming softly to himself. He paused to get Kaoru's jacket back and gave it to him so he wouldn't be leaving without it. Once they were outside, he fished out his phone to see if Kyo had responded or not. Nothing.

Kaoru got in the car and took his jacket back, smiling and kissing Die's cheek as he set it into the back seat. He pulled carefully back down the drive and out of the gate, reaching for Die's hand. "So? How do you feel?"

Die frowned down at the phone. Maybe he was still on his flight... or maybe he'd really finished the job on their friendship with telling him Kaoru had proposed. Who knew. He supposed he'd find out in time... hopefully before they went to Japan.

He crawled into the car and settled down, pushing his phone into his pocket. "I'm fine. How're you doing?"

Kaoru shrugged, rubbing the back of Die's hand with his thumb. "Surprisingly good. I thought I'd have kind of buyer's remorse, but... I don't. Something about that ring on your finger helps me trust you more. Well... I trusted you before. It helps me be less insecure about other people being with you." A slow smile crept over his lips. "I can't believe you just had sex with a woman."

Die gave him a look and then snorted. "Dude... I can't believe I did that either. I just let a chick eat me out... _and_ I ate her out." He gave an odd look. "I have to admit, I don't mind the receiving end of that, but the giving end is... not my thing."

Kaoru laughed, then shook his head. "Honestly, watching you two fuck each other was... holy hell. I don't know if I'm mad or glad I couldn't get hard, I would have jizzed in my pants. That was fucking amazing."

Die smirked at him and reached for a cigarette, rolling down the window and lighting up. Chuckling lightly, he shook his head. "I can't believe I jerked some guy off and I don't even know his name... but... I want you to know I wouldn't suck him because that's for you only."

Kaoru wanted to tell Die that he'd sort of wanted to watch his lover suck off some random stranger; watching it, he had felt anticipation for Die to put the guy's dick in his mouth, but he said nothing, lifting the other's hand to his lips and kissing the back of it, nuzzling for a moment.

Die just continued smoking his cigarette, okay with being quiet for the time being.

By the time they were back on the interstate, Kaoru couldn't hold it in much longer. "I kind of wanted you to suck him off..." His voice was soft, almost hoping Die hadn't heard, not wanting his lover to get mad at him. He wasn't sure why, usually he would have been jealous.

Die heard him just fine though. He tilted his head at him and blinked a little. "Really?"

Kaoru blushed something awful, giving a little nod. "I guess because I wasn't hard, I don't know. I was watching you, waiting for you to suck him off."

He tilted his head a little and then laughed softly. "Dude, I'm sure that guy wishes I knew that then because I think he felt gypped with just a hand job."

Kaoru hummed a little laugh, leaning over to kiss Die's cheek before turning his attention back to the road. "Mm. Your life-altering blowjobs can stay mine, I suppose."

"Life altering, eh?" He laughed softly, shaking his head. Even he didn't think they were _that_ level of great. But if Kaoru wanted to, that was fine.

Kaoru nodded a little, falling quiet again, nearly to their exit now. 

"Sounds like a damn fine compliment to me," he murmured, taking another drag of his cigarette and blowing the smoke out the window. For the rest of the drive, Die remained silent, watching where they were going, kind of wanting to get home and get washed up.

Kaoru pulled up in the yard and went to let Makoto out of the gate, leading him up to the back steps and unlocking the door, flipping on the kitchen light and taking off his boots, carrying them to the closet and starting to get undressed.

Die followed him up, humming lightly under his breath. He stubbed his cigarette out on the railing and tossed the butt in the garbage. With that done, he went inside as well, removing his pants and then the boots before tottering off to the bedroom to finish getting undressed.

Kaoru put on some pajama bottoms and went to use the bathroom and wash his face, toweling some water into his hair to try and get some of the styling wax out. Done, he went back into the bedroom, stalling and messing around with Makoto in the chair in the corner, still feeling weird about being in the bed he'd avoided, hadn't felt worthy of sleeping in, for three weeks.

Die wandered around, getting the rest of the way undressed and then going to the bathroom to brush his teeth, wipe himself down, and then take his pills. Coming back out, he went to lie down on the bed, motioning for Kaoru. "C'mere, baby. What's wrong?"

Kaoru set Makoto back on the floor and climbed up onto the bed, curling up under the covers and shaking his head. "Nothing."

Die patted the bed again, clicking his tongue for Makoto to come up. "I'd like him to sleep up here too, is that okay?"

Kaoru nodded, hugging a pillow under his head, laying with some space between them for the dog. He wanted to curl up against Die's chest, but for whatever reason, he felt more hesitant to get back to normal with such affections than with sex. He'd hate to curl against his lover and feel like he wasn't welcome there.

Die gave him a funny look, scooting over so he was close to Kaoru and letting Makoto curl up next to him on the edge. He reached out for Kaoru and tugged him close. "C'mere... I want to cuddle. I miss it."

Kaoru rolled and turned off his light before biting his lip and scooting closer to the middle, laying his head on Die's chest, curling up against him. For a few breaths, he simply enjoyed it before tears started to well up. He'd missed having Die hold him so badly. Desperately, he tried to hide the fact that he was crying for Die, not wanting to be caught being such an emotional wreck again.

Die curled his arms around Kaoru, pulling him close. He was about to drift off when he felt the hot wetness on his chest. Frowning softly, he looked down at Kaoru in the darkness, gently moving one hand to push his lover's hair back. "Baby... please tell me what's wrong?"

Kaoru sniffed, shaking his head and kissing Die's collarbone. "Nothing, nothing, baby. Go to sleep."

Die tugged him closer and wrapped his arms around him. "I love you," he murmured.

Kaoru pressed closer against him, fitting his head under Die's chin and nuzzling into his throat. "Love you..."Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to try to drift back off to sleep. 

It didn't take long before Die was pulled under, the feeling of Kaoru and Makoto making him happy and warm.

**To Be Continued…**


	55. Chapter 54

Over the next week and a half, Kaoru became less anxious about trying to go back to normal with Die, not being quite so skittish or tense, though the fear that he would somehow fuck up again and Die would leave for good was still there. In the middle of it all, he had had several severe headaches that had left him in bed most of the day, unable to eat or move, really. One led up to a small seizure that he convinced Die not to take him to the hospital for; it wasn't like there was much they could do for him and it had not done much else besides leaving him stunned and disoriented. He hated feeling like his body was a faulty piece of equipment, prone to just shut off at random. A few times, he had blacked out from the increasing pressure inside his skull, dropping to the floor like someone had flipped a switch. He was doing his best to keep his spirits up - though he wasn't always successful - and just focus on Die. It was better to work on them together, something he might be able to fix, rather than worry about something he could do nothing about at the moment.

The upcoming Japan trip, now only a few days away, kept him excited, and busy. He worked hard to finalize all reservations and interviews and the itinerary so that the trip would go smoothly. He was already factoring in that Die would probably spend a day with Kyo in Kyoto, which would work perfectly so that Kaoru could go and see his grandfather then, if Die didn't want to come. He knew it was intimidating for Die to be around strict Japanese traditions when he hadn't been raised in them.

Currently, Kaoru was sitting in the parlor, curled up on the couch checking his email, ignoring the onset of a migraine and trying to find any information on sexual stimulants that wouldn't conflict with his current condition. He could tell that his not being able to get an erection every time they fooled around - something that both annoyed him and made him feel a little ashamed - was wearing down Die's patience, what with his voracious sexual appetite. He hated wanting to please Die and not being able to in the way they both wanted.

 

The seizure had reminded Die of the appointment they'd had set up with Nina that they'd never been able to complete. The woman had fallen ill and had to cancel, her old age and illness making her unable to perform any services during that time. But he'd called again after the seizure and they'd set up a new appointment once she was well again, something he was really, sincerely hoping would work. 

He headed into the parlor, pausing beside Kaoru for a moment, wincing a little at what he saw on the screen. He knew he was a horny bastard and it bothered him a lot that Kaoru knew he wanted more than he could give. He knew it wasn't his fault he couldn't get it up and it wasn't a lack of wanting to. He'd thought about suggesting that Kaoru use Die's strap-on to fuck him with, but he was afraid to suggest it because he thought maybe it would hurt Kaoru's ego even more. But now that he saw he was researching erection pills, he felt even worse. He'd been trying so hard to keep Kaoru away from knowing that he was watching porn sometimes.

Shifting and trying to act like he hadn't seen what the other was researching, he murmured, "Hey, I made an appointment with Nina again. She says the pie from last time is fine and the supplies bill is only twenty dollars." He shrugged a bit. "I hope you didn't have anything else to do today because she's well again."

Kaoru looked up, giving Die a little smile and closing his computer, setting it on the table. "No, I've already finished all my work for this week." He put his arms out, making a pouty face. "Cuddle me?" He had been starved for attention lately and the reminder that he was becoming more and more fragile made him cherish being held by Die and being made to feel safe and protected.

Die came over and straddled Kaoru, hugging him close. "It's set for two hours from now. Is that alright?"

Kaoru tucked himself against Die's chest, arms hugging him tight. He took in a big breath of Die's scent and nodded. "That's fine." He nuzzled his nose against Die's collarbone, finding that just his lover's smell or a simple touch could make him calm, a thankful saving grace for the stress he was currently going through.

Die smiled softly, running his hand through the other man's hair. "She lives about forty minutes from here, so we have an hour to kill." He leaned down to kiss the top of Kaoru's head, making it gentle and trying to keep absolutely still at least from the waist down. He didn't want to start something they couldn't finish and he'd been trying to be really nice about that over the past week or so.

Kaoru gave a happy sigh at the little kiss to his hair, turning his face to kiss Die's chest and then press his cheek to it. "Can we maybe take a nap? Just lie down and cuddle?"

Die nodded, slowly getting out of his lap. "Sure. I'll set the alarm." He fished his phone out of his pocket and set an alarm for an hour from then as he wandered off toward the bedroom.

Kaoru followed, still in his PJs, anyway. He'd been napping a lot recently, needing the extra rest. He became exhausted much easier and could usually escape the pain with some sleep. He pulled back the covers and crawled in, waiting for Die.

Die smiled, tossing his phone on the nightstand. Flicking off the light, he turned around and came to crawl in bed. He curled up around Kaoru, tugging him close.

Kaoru purred and got himself comfortable, pressing up close to Die and giving a little sigh. "Love you, pumpkin."

"I love you, too, baby." Die let out a quiet sound that was much like a sigh, but wasn't, closing his eyes and drifting off. 

His dreams were unpleasant, something that had been happening more and more lately. He dreamed of waking up to Kaoru dead in his arms, of watching him die in a hospital bed in absolute agony, and sometimes of things far beyond that. None of them were pleasant and truth be told, while Kaoru was sleeping more, Die was sleeping far less to avoid the dreams. Even this reality was kinder to him than what he found behind closed eyelids.

Kaoru, oblivious to Die's troubles, slept well, comforted by his presence and embrace. When the alarm went off, he stretched and rolled onto his back, scrubbing hands through his hair, refreshed. His head pounded dully, but nothing of real note. He reached and rubbed Die's side, kissing his shoulder. "Wake up, baby."

By the time a shake came to his shoulder, Die was already half drenched in sweat, his body clammy to the touch. This time he'd dreamed of Kaoru almost dying, but making it through the surgery only to come down with an infection and die anyway. He sat up, staring at Kaoru for a long moment before reaching to shut off his phone. With that done, he murmured, "Get dressed. Don't bother primping... you'll feel like you need a huge shower after."

Kaoru caught the edge to Die's voice, knowing he'd had some sort of nightmare. Frowning, he stripped off his PJs and dug out a pair of sweat pants and a comfortable t-shirt, sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed to wait for Die to be ready.

Die gave a little sigh and rubbed his hands over his eyes. Pushing himself up, he headed off to the bathroom and tried to clean up a little. But when he looked in the mirror all he saw was a very tired man staring back at him. Under his eyes were swollen and nearing black. He grabbed his eyeliner and quickly put it on, smudging it down over the evidence of his lack of sleep to try to make sure he didn't look the part of the almost-zombie he was becoming. That done, he left the bathroom, straightening his clothing and checking to make sure he had all of his stuff together.

Kaoru stood up and hugged him around the waist, kissing his shoulder. "Ready?"

Die nodded. "As I'll ever be." He headed to the back door and pushed it open, holding it for Kaoru to go through first, following him out and closing the door, locking it behind him. Makoto bounded off the porch and Die chuckled, watching him go.

Kaoru went around to put Makoto in the pen while Die started the car, rubbing his little ears before closing the fence.

Die went to the car and slipped inside, turning it on and attaching his iPod, flipping to some random Japanese band and waiting on Kaoru.

Kaoru snuggled up in the seat, buckling himself in. He listened to the music for a little bit before uttering in a soft voice, "The first time I told you I would take you with me to Japan, you were so elated and you told me, and I quote, that was I was the best boyfriend ever."

Die looked over at him, his eyes sparkling with something close to happiness. "Yeah... well... you are."

Kaoru just looked down at his lap, sniffing once and then putting his hand on Die's leg. He didn't feel like he was a good boyfriend, much less the best, but he kept it to himself. If anything, Die won that title, for sticking by him despite his whole collection of bullshit and now health issues. His fingers stroked over Die's knobby knee and he sighed. "I love you, pumpkin."

"I love you, too," Die murmured, driving off toward Nina's place. "It's not really all that far."

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't mind a drive." He sighed, slightly nervous about all this, not at all sure what to expect. He hoped that it worked, even a little, but he was finding it difficult to really believe in such a sort of thing.

It seemed like only a few minutes before he arrived at Nina's little house, pulling up into the driveway and giving a little toot of his horn. Climbing out of the car, he moved over to Kaoru's door and opening it for him. Nina appeared on the porch, peering out toward them, leaning a bit heavily on her walker. She had graying hair and was wearing what appeared to be a bright red mumu.

Kaoru got out and looked around, more and more unsure of this. He tried to push it away, certain that part of the whole thing was mind-over-matter and it would only impede any good this might do if he didn't stop thinking it was probably bullshit, despite what she had done for Die. Taking his lover's hand, he started a bit hesitantly towards the porch.

Die wandered up to her, handing her the envelope with a little cash in it and hugging her tight. "Thanks for doing this, Nina." He smiled at her and then gestured back to Kaoru. "This is Kaoru."

After a long minute of studying him, she nodded. "Yes..." her eyes narrowed a little and she murmured, "if he believes it will take hold easier... but he does not." With a shrug, she turned away and motioned for them to follow into the house. "It's not required, of course."

Kaoru gave a shy little wave and then blushed to be called out on his skepticism like that. He squeezed Die's hand and went into the house, smelling of herbs and aged paper. He hugged against his lover again, wondering what in the hell was going to happen.

Die followed Nina into the living room where she had the couch draped with a violet sheet. "Kaoru, please lay down on the couch. Die sit on the floor next to him, but away from his head."

Kaoru stalled for a moment, taking off his flip-flops and setting them off to the side before going over to the couch and carefully settling down on the cushions, sort of curled up and chewing at the inside of his lip.

Die settled on the floor next to him and peered up at him. "Stop being so nervous, silly. It's not so bad." He patted his leg and then leaned back against the side of the couch.

Nina bustled around the living room, muttering under her breath while she lit some candles and incense, going about fully casting a circle with them in it. She moved to Kaoru, sitting down and holding up a pot of mud-like stuff. "I will administer this to your head and then I will put my hands over where you tell me the tumor is at. I will try to draw out the sickness from you. The less you resist, the better it will work and the faster as well. You might feel some warmth or coldness, it really depends. Possible tingling or nausea." She pointed at a trash can next to Kaoru. "Please try to puke in there if it happens."

Kaoru took in a slow breath and reached for Die's hand, closing his eyes and trying to relax. He nodded that he understood.

She shifted a little and smudged some of the substance over his forehead and then ran her hand over his hair. "Where?" she asked until she took in a gasping breath, stopping over a spot on his head. "Here," she muttered before starting in with the chanting, pressing both hands over the area, her eyelids fluttering closed.

Kaoru frowned deeply that she would feel it so immediately. There really was no direct position to it, anyway, as far as from outside his head went, seeing as it was seated rather deeply in his brain. He squeezed Die's fingers again, trying to keep himself open and not let his body tense up.

Die watched her for a few moments before something tugged at him and he pulled his hand from Kaoru, sliding one hand on her arm and the other down to the floor, closing his eyes. 

Slowly her hands started to warm up, the heat more than human's hands should be, the temperature rising until it was almost burning, her chanting getting quicker and quicker.

Kaoru was covering his mouth with his hand, dizzy and crying quietly. He didn't know what was happening, everything felt odd and now he felt like Nina was holding a towel hot out of the dryer against his head. He just shut his eyes tight and hoped that it would be over soon.

Die wanted to tell Kaoru he was okay, but he had become a part of the channel to ground. He bit his lip a little and concentrated hard, daring to open his eyes and watch. A faint light came from under her hands and he stared at it in fascination for a few long moments before closing his eyes again.

An overwhelming sensation took over Kaoru, he wasn't sure what it was other than intense, and he let out a small sound, curling on himself and whimpering softly, afraid.

Die muttered at Nina to find ground elsewhere, gently reaching for Kaoru's hands, drawing them up to kiss them. He needed to keep him calm more than anything right then. "Let it out, baby... let it go," he whispered in his ear.

Kaoru clutched onto Die's hands, sobbing quietly. He couldn't explain what had come over him, he didn't really know what was happening, he felt disoriented and upset, but he held onto Die for dear life and didn't fight it.

It was almost forty-five more minutes before Nina pulled her hands away and dunked them in a bucket of ice. "Die, break the circle. I've done what I can."

Die moved, immediately shoving his foot over the circle, messing up the chalk. Something seemed to breathe a sigh of relief in the room and Die moved back to Kaoru, quietly pulling him against his body and cradling him there. "Shh... it's alright, baby."

Kaoru sagged limply against him, breathing heavily, his skin dry and bordering on cold. His fingers curled in Die's shirt and he felt on the verge of fainting, staying with it, not wanting to stay here any longer than he had to and certainly not wanting to make Die carry him back out to the car.

Nina got up and came back with a glass of water, holding it out to Kaoru. "Drink, my child."

Kaoru took the glass, trying hard to keep hold of it, drinking it quickly, spilling some down his shirt but he didn't care. He handed the glass back and pressed himself up close to Die, trying to crawl inside his skin, it seemed, wanting to hide somewhere in the cage of Die's ribs and not out here, feeling exposed and shaken up.

Die pulled him pretty much off the couch and into his arms, gently stroking his hair while he watched Nina excuse herself, understanding they needed a few minutes alone. "I love you, Kaoru."

Kaoru sniffed, leaning heavily into Die. He wanted to return the sentiment, but he was too worn out to even speak. He curled his fingers in Die's hair, hoping he'd catch his meaning.

Die gently moved. "We're gonna go home, okay?" He gently patted Kaoru's back. "I'll carry you."

Kaoru made a sound of protest, but he couldn't really do anything to keep Die from carrying him. He lifted his hand and tried to brush off some of the dried mud concoction, failing rather miserably.

Die gently lifted him up, standing and heading to the door. Nina moved ahead of them and got Kaoru's shoes, opening the door and getting the keys from Die's belt, going to open the car. Die gently deposited his lover in the passenger seat, buckling him up.

Kaoru let Die take him to the car, more or less unconscious by the time he was buckled up, anyway.

Die frowned softly, taking a vial from Nina and thanking her, promising he'd give it to Kaoru in a strong drink when they got home if he was awake. Getting in, he headed off toward home, the vial in his pocket and a worried look on his face.

Kaoru drifted somewhere deep and dark for the ride home, his mind a quiet, dim swirl of things he didn't understand and was not actively functioning enough to really wonder about. When they pulled up in the driveway, like an alarm, he jerked awake, blinking and smacking, giving a stretch, then looking down at himself, confused. "...I feel great." He looked over at Die, eyebrow quirked. "This shouldn't be concerning."

Die smiled at him when they got home and he woke up. "Yeah... well... welcome to Nina. I have something to give you to drink and then we can shower if you're up for it, okay?" He cut the engine and took off his seatbelt, opening the door.

Kaoru nodded, getting out of the car, finding he was still a little wobbly. He walked carefully up the steps and leaned on the porch railing, waiting for Die to unlock the door.

Die went to the door and opened it for Kaoru, moving back to get Makoto from the pen and letting him follow him back to the house. Once inside, he made Kaoru the drink, using cherry vodka. Smiling, he handed it over.

Kaoru threw it back, squeezing his eyes shut against the taste, still evident under the vodka, and then stumbled off into the bathroom, stripping out of his clothes and getting under the shower head, turning it on cold and letting it heat up, shivering under the water until it finally got hot.

Die followed after, stripping along the way as well. He reeked of sweat from the nightmares and honestly, he wanted to watch after Kaoru, not sure what to expect in his case. He got in the shower behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, gently rubbing his belly. "How're you doing?"

Kaoru leaned back into him, having already scrubbed off most of the stuff plastered to his forehead. "Like spaghetti. Kind of feverish. But my head feels amazing. No pain. Almost no pressure."

Die smiled softly at him, kissing the side of his head and then reaching for the second loofah, starting to help Kaoru wash himself off. "I'm glad. Maybe... maybe it's helped."

Kaoru shrugged a little. "I still want to have the biopsy. Well, I mean, not want, but... I need to. It would be foolish not to at least make sure. But the biopsy itself is really scary." He turned around and pressed himself into Die's arms. "Thank you so much. Just for being here. I love you to death."

Die nodded. "Of course. But maybe you should have another MRI or something to make sure it's still even there before they go doing surgery. Don't you think? I love you, too."

Kaoru nodded. "They'll do an MRI before to see if it's grown or anything." He put his arms around Die, kissing his jaw. He nuzzled against Die and then pulled away, getting clean and rinsing off, stepping out of the shower and putting a towel around his waist. There was something he wanted to ask Die, but always seemed to end up in a fight over, so he kept his mouth closed, going into the bedroom to find some comfortable clothes, settling on pajamas.

Die watched him go, immediately trying to get himself cleaned up as well. It wasn't long before he had his hair washed and his body clean. He stepped out and quickly dried off, rubbing his hair violently with the towel so it kind of stood out everywhere. With that done, he headed into the bedroom, completely naked, intent to find his black PJ pants with the little red guitars on them.

Kaoru had his hands up over his head, stretching, intent on lying down and reading for the rest of the day; he felt good, but was tired. His eyes raked over Die and he held back a soft purr, crawling under the covers and picking up his book for the night stand, curling up.

Die bent down, rummaging through the bottom drawer, finding the pants and the matching tank top after a few minutes. Standing, he pulled them on and then crawled onto the bed and peered down at Kaoru's book, wondering what he was reading.

Kaoru closed Vonnegut's _Cat's Cradle_ around a finger and looked at Die, leaning to kiss his cheek. He blinked at his lover a little, that question still lingering on his tongue, though he wasn't sure how to ask it.

"Enjoying the book?" he asked softly, not really catching on to anything Kaoru was doing. In fact, anything subtle would probably be discarded as Kaoru being Kaoru or as Kaoru trying to be nice.

He gave a little nod, scooting closer to Die. "It's a little odd sometimes, reading American literature, especially satire, and having to figure out the allusions from high school history and not just... growing up here and being surrounded by the culture, but in a way, I guess it's probably more interesting." He rubbed his hand over Die's thigh, leaning on him some more.

Die smiled, scooting a little closer and nodding. "Yeah, I bet it is. I still need to finish the last book I started reading." Some zombie book he'd already forgotten the title to. It'd been months since he touched it, the novel still lying on the coffee table in the living room.

Kaoru gave a soft smile, his hand rubbing inward and higher on Die's thigh. "Mm, I've always been a bookworm. You have a nerdy boyfriend."

Die almost didn't stop the shiver that went through him with where Kaoru's hand was heading. It felt good and he wanted more, but he wasn't sure Kaoru meant to be doing to him what he was. Assuming it was incidental, he just let it happen, leaning his head back against the wall. "So I do," he murmured.

Being more forward, Kaoru reached for Die's wrist and pulled his hand between his legs, just in a general direction, leaning in to kiss his ear a little.

Die let out a tiny gasp, his eyes looking purely shocked. Biting his lip, he shifted slightly closer and cupped his hand over Kaoru's crotch, rubbing lightly. "You want me, baby?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru hips bucked up slightly into Die's touch and he licked his lips, nodding. "I do. It's been months, I miss you."

Die shifted a bit, biting his lip and looking a tad unsure. But after a moment, he shivered and moved to kind of straddle Kaoru, pushing him back against the bed. He nuzzled in against his neck and kissed him gently there. "How do you want it?" he murmured, more than willing to give Kaoru what he desired.

Kaoru let out a soft sound of pleasure, sinking back against the bed. "I don't care, just as long as you're inside me." He eyes fluttered shut and he lifted his knees, spreading is legs a little, even though Die was straddling his waist.

Die studied him for a long moment and then bit his lip. So he wanted Die to take him. Well... he could do that. Gently, he shifted off of him and got up, stripping off his clothing and grabbing his strap-on. It was the first time he'd touched it since coming home and he had to admit, he felt a little liberated being able to put it on again. Sliding it on and attaching the straps to his body, he smiled softly, getting on the bed between Kaoru's legs with a bottle of lube.

Kaoru stripped down while Die got situated, blushing a little and starting to stroke himself, glad he was actually getting hard, to some extent, at least. He would want this, anyway, even if he couldn't get off. He had lost a lot of weight, again, and he could tell his muscle tone was already diminishing from not being able to run, and it made him extremely self-conscious. He lay back on the bed and blushed something awful, spreading his legs for Die and grabbing his arm, tugging him down on top of him.

Die chuckled softly, abandoning the lube idea for the moment, laying it next to Kaoru's body as he leaned down and caught his lover's lips with his own. One hand moved lightly over his side, gently stroking the skin there. He'd been craving this; being able to touch Kaoru again. Even if it was so infrequent, he wanted it to happen.

Kaoru kissed him back, shivering at the touch. Goosebumps rose on his arms and he gave a soft sound, his hands going into Die's damp hair and tugging him closer, gently. He bent his knees and hugged Die in between them, trying to position himself so that they were touching as much as possible, needing him right now.

Die could almost feel the desperation dripping from Kaoru's every movement. Quietly, he matched it with his own, kissing his lover deeply, his free arm coming to slip under Kaoru, holding him close, his hips gently pressing down against his lover.

Kaoru arched his back to help Die slip his arm under, feeling like he couldn't get enough of the other, wanting, like he so often felt, to be able to simply sink into him and live there. He whimpered softly and more let Die kiss him than kissing back, studying the way Die kissed him, wanting to savor it, his hands dancing over Die's back, feeling the healing flesh.

Die let out a quiet little sound, wanting to progress to doing what Kaoru asked. But he kind of knew what was really wanted from this and so he didn't try and get out of it. He'd held back so much lately that it was kind of second nature to keep things to himself now. Silently, he pushed the urge to be inside Kaoru away, concentrating on how much he liked kissing him and feeling his hands on his back. It wasn't much, but it was intimate and he figured Kaoru was in one of those needy moods that made him want to make love rather than fuck, which was probably why he had brought up them doing anything at all. He flipped the internal switch off, not wanting to think too much about all of this and gently pushed his tongue into Kaoru's mouth, tasting him.

Kaoru gave a little whine, breaking the kiss and smoothing Die's hair back. "Don't shut off, baby, please!" His voice was a breathless, hushed rush. "Open up to me. Just let me feel it." He was trying to do the same, trying to will the overwhelming sensation of love over to Die, to let him feel how much he adored him, how much he needed him, how good his body felt. Grabbing him at the back of his head, he pulled Die back in a kiss, his hips arching up a little. 

Die almost couldn't hold back the sigh at being found out so quickly. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure what to do about it. He wanted to let him feel the love, but he didn't want him to feel the pent up sexual frustration or the pure desperation that boiled inside him. But he wanted to give Kaoru what _he_ wanted, especially if whatever Nina had done was only temporary and they had a limited amount of time left together. 

Kaoru's emotions hit him like a brick wall and he was left stunned for a moment before he managed to kiss him back, trying to just put a little of what he felt through, and block off the frustration and the sexual desire. He wanted to give him the love and nothing else. His fingertips stilled on Kaoru's side, just holding lightly near his hip.

Kaoru bit at his lip slightly, hands sliding down to his ass and squeezing it. He knew Die was holding back, but he didn't want to nag him, hoping he'd open up all the way on his own and trying to let Die know it was okay to feel aroused. Why would he ask Die to fuck him if he didn't want him to be turned on? But he knew with Die there was very rarely any middle ground and he supposed it just wasn't that easy for him.

The moment his ass was squeezed a little, his arousal spiked and his hips jerked a little. A tiny grunt slipped out and his cheeks burned slightly. Sometimes he felt like an idiot and this was verging on one of those times. He just wanted to make love to Kaoru, to give him what he wanted and be close to him. But with all the pent up frustrations, he felt like a loaded canon with the fuse already lit. If only he'd done something earlier he might not be so primed to go off at any moment... but he hadn't.

He let out another tiny little sound and had to move his kissing down to Kaoru's neck so he could try to focus a little more on what he was doing. His hips gave one slow rock before he realized he was probably somehow hurting Kaoru with the plastic dildo since it wasn't lubed or anything and it tended to stick to things. He stilled himself and moved to gently nip under Kaoru's chin, tongue swiping out over his Adam's apple. He let a teeny tiny bit of his arousal slip through along with the love, hoping Kaoru would think maybe that was all of it.

The kisses to his neck made him give a long, loud moan, spreading his legs wider and trying to draw Die towards him more, whimpering when he gave that slow rock of his hips and then stopped. He'd been unable to get off half the times he and Die had had sex and his own frustrations made him feel rather urgent. For once, he and Die were on the same level, but stuck somewhere in miscommunication. Finally, he just blurted out, "Oh for fuck's sake, please just stick it in me!" He pressed a hand over his eyes and laughed at himself, blushing a little.

Die gave a soft laugh, burying his face in Kaoru's neck for a moment before shaking his head a little and shifting back to look at him. In all honesty, he was about as confused as he was turned on. He would have taken it as Kaoru getting fed up with whatever Die was doing except that it didn't seem like that. It seemed more like Kaoru wanted this as much as he did. He sat back on his heels and bit his lip while he used the bottle of lubricant from earlier to lube up his strap-on and then reached down between Kaoru's legs, rubbing two fingers over his entrance before gently pushing, seeing if that would work or not.

Kaoru's breath caught in his throat the moment Die's fingers pushed into him and he arched off the bed, fisting the sheets and letting out a growl. His legs fell open and he pushed both hands through his hair, moaning lowly.

Die slowly moved those fingers in an out of him, prepping him as well as he could. After a little bit, he pulled his fingers out and wiped them on the side of the sheets, scooting in close to Kaoru and holding his dick in place before slowly starting to push, hoping Kaoru would give him the right cues on if he was doing well or not with the angle.

Kaoru's chest spasmed with breath, leaving him in moans, his hips moving up to help guide Die in. When he was fully inside, he grabbed his lover by the shoulders and pulled him down against him, grinding his hips and moaning like a whore, showing a side of him that didn't come out often.

Die gasped, leaning down against him and burying his nose against his neck. In a way it felt like his physical body was inside Kaoru, despite that being impossible. Biting his lip, he shivered and then quietly moaned out Kaoru's name, giving up on holding everything back and just letting it pour out through their connection.

Kaoru hugged him close, squeezing his eyes shut at the wave of emotion and desire poured through him. His head fell back and he let out another moan, canting his hips up towards Die.

Die shivered a little and nuzzled in closer, his hips starting to rock of their own accord. He wanted nothing more than to do this, to take Kaoru and claim him as his own, over and over, but he usually kept himself from it, unsure about how Kaoru really felt about his fake dick inside him and unsure if he might accidentally hurt him with it because he couldn't actually feel it deep inside Kaoru.

Kaoru caught some of the possessiveness, but also the reservation, rocking his hips to meet Die's, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Take me, baby. I promise, I'm not that fragile yet, just do it."

Die let out a little whimper, pressing in all the way, the little dildo inside him pushing up into his own body as he moved. Pulling back it slipped out a little and then shoved back in as he pushed his hips forward again. With a soft moan, he shivered slightly and then started thrusting in and out a little faster, not sure exactly how much Kaoru wanted from this or how far he could go with all-out fucking him. Still though, he pushed all of his emotions through their connection, his eyelids fluttering shut.

Kaoru writhed with the thrusts, his hands up and down Die's arms. On some crazy whim, desperate to feel all Die had, he grabbed his hair and hissed in his ear, "I fucked up and let someone else do this to me. Fuck me hard, make sure I know who I belong to."

Die's heart skipped a beat and then thudded frantically in his chest the moment those words left Kaoru's mouth. His hips pushed forward and he whined, choking out, "Mine," before he slid one arm under Kaoru, the other supporting his weight while he started to thrust. His movements were harsher, more needy and desperate, each snap of his hips making him moan out loudly.

Kaoru practically screamed to have Die start to go at him like that, head falling back, body tensed. Not only was he hard, he was throbbing, desperate to be pushed to his limits and cum so hard it wiped his mind clean. He reached up and put one hand at the back of Die's neck, panting, "Yours, baby. Only yours."

Die couldn't help but notice how hard Kaoru was. He shivered a little and pushed in again and again, the bed starting to thunk against the wall. He let out a long drawn out moan, hips bucking hard, his arousal growing by the moment. "Mine, always mine... I mean it," he let out.

Kaoru nodded desperately, wrapping his legs up around Die's waist and pulling him into a kiss. "Forever, I swear." He tried to shove it through, that he really meant it, that he would love Die until his last breath, but his lover's cock fucking him silly was making it hard to focus on anything else. Honestly, he couldn't really complain.

Die let out a louder groan, shoving in all the way and grinding against him. He let his eyelids flutter as he moved, grinding harshly against him. A moment later, he was back to fucking the hell out of him, not trying to stop it. He couldn't stop the desire now, couldn't stop anything at all.

Kaoru's back arched and the new angle had Die stabbing directly against that one magical spot. His vision burst with white and he cried out, keeping his back strained to stay in that position, taking the intense over-stimulation until he was cumming, hard, screaming Die's name and clawing at the tops of his shoulders.

Die panted, watching as his lover came. Biting his lip, he shivered and pushed in all the way, making tiny little thrusts, his hips rotating, though he was doing it fast and hard. He wasn't long behind Kaoru, letting out a cry and tensing as he felt his insides spasm, warmth flooding down his legs, wetting the sheet below him.

Kaoru was a limp, sated noodle under him, feeling joint-less and a little closer to liquid than solid, his cum all over his chest and stomach. A dopey smile was plastered across his face and his lids hung heavy over his dark eyes. He found Die's wrists and rubbed at them, stroking up and down his arms, purring and letting Die come down.

Die let out a soft whimper, sinking down onto him, shifting just enough to lick at the topmost dollop of cum. He licked at it and then swallowed, letting out a tiny little moan, pushing through the fact that he loved it, that it made him more aroused than anything, and that he enjoyed the hell out of it.

Kaoru bit his lip, eyes still closed. He ran his hands through Die's hair, humming. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and soft. "I feel complete right now... like, even just for right now, for a few seconds, everything's okay..."

Die smiled softly, hanging his head down on the other's shoulder. "Me, too," he murmured quietly, pushing his nose against Kaoru's hair. "I love you."

Kaoru shivered, squeezing Die to him. "Say it again."

"I love you," Die offered again, pouring conviction into his voice.

Tears stung Kaoru's eyes and he snuggled Die close to him, glad his lover hadn't pulled out yet, still enjoying being filled. "I love you, too... more than anything."

Die shivered a little and kissed the side of Kaoru's head. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he let out, quietly.

Kaoru purred, tracing his fingers over Die's back, letting the words sink in. He leaned his head back against Die's, humming a little. "I can't wait to call you my husband." 

"Don't take this the wrong way, Kaoru... but I hope it'll be a while." Because if it was going to be a while, then Kaoru would be living longer and that was the ideal situation in Die's mind. "I want you around longer."

Kaoru nodded, understanding. He petted Die's hair for a while before asking, "What if I'm not?"

"I'll be very upset," Die whispered, tucking himself closer. "Don't think like that... please?"

Kaoru closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry. I just want you to be... prepared. You can't just wish it away. There's about a fifty-fifty chance I won't be here next year."

Die couldn't stop the tears, not at all. They poured hot down his face, sadness swimming around inside him. "But I don't want to lose you... I don't want to think about that and make what could be our last days unhappy ones."

Kaoru put his arms tightly around Die, rubbing his back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just have to make sure you understand this is serious. I don't want the worst to happen and you not have some sort of... cushion, I guess."

Die shook his head, not really knowing what to say. He wasn't going to say out loud what he was thinking, that he'd not be okay no matter what if Kaoru died, that he'd probably end up in a severe state of depression and sink down into an abyss that he couldn't dig himself out of. He wouldn't say that to Kaoru, not at all.

Kaoru, not even realizing that Die hadn't even voiced such a sentiment, kissed his hair. "You'd be okay... it wouldn't happen unless it's really meant to, right? You'd probably find someone better." He tried to laugh a little, snuggling Die's neck.

Die shook his head, more tears cascading down his cheeks. "No... no... don't say that," he whimpered out, fully and truly upset by the entire conversation and how closely it had come on the heels of his release.

Kaoru kept talking, somehow trying to comfort Die, despite how morbid it all sounded. "Maybe it's true, though. Maybe I'm just here to help you open up and then when I'm gone, you'll find someone amazing that fits you absolutely perfect. Maybe it's Kyo. You wouldn't have met him without me."

Die winced even more at that and shook his head. "No... it's you." He rubbed his cheek against Kaoru's arm, the tears still pouring down. "H-he's so perfect with Fea... you should see it."

Kaoru said nothing, petting Die's hair and feeling a tight sensation of dread in his stomach that Die was crying because of him, and a sick feeling of pride for the same reason. Shifting, he spit up a moan, realizing rather abruptly that Die was still inside him. He kissed the side of his lover's head and bit his lip. "...Want to go again?"

Die let out a little whimper at the question, shaking his head a little. He shifted back, pulling out and then fiddled with the straps until he managed to get the harness off and tossed it on the nightstand. Sniffing, he curled up next to Kaoru and tugged him close, putting his arms around him. "Just wanna hold you," he whispered.

Kaoru choked back a moan when Die slid out, letting himself be pulled closer, wrapping around Die and kissing his collarbone, rubbing his arm. "I don't think I can ever really tell you how precious you are to me..."

Die sucked in another shaky breath and nodded a little, unable to really talk right then. He just felt like his heart was breaking and it honestly bothered him more than anything that Kaoru was still thinking like he might die. Hadn't what Nina had done helped? Why did he still think he was going to die then? Die let out a sob against Kaoru's neck, clinging to him. God was this ever difficult.

Kaoru lay in Die's arms for a long while, eyes closed, almost dozing, but really trying to just feel him, to breathe with him and try to comfort him. He could tell Die thought this would fix everything, and while he didn't really feel any pain, he didn't want to get his hopes up only to have them crushed, knowing such a blow would probably diminish any strength he might need if things took a turn for the worst. Taking in a slow breath, he rubbed Die's back. 

"So this weekend is supposed to be nice weather. Sachi is going down to my parents’, I thought maybe it would be a good time to go up and you can fish with Dad and we can tell my family about the engagement. I don't want to tell them about the tumor until after the biopsy."

Die pulled back a little to run his hand through his hair, studying Kaoru. Right before they left for Japan. That meant they'd have to pack and pretty much leave from there. But that was fine. He'd just pack the extra outfit and then leave it in the car in the long term parking when they left. He gave a little nod. "I just hope I can keep it from them, Kaoru... I'm not so sure I can."

Kaoru sort of frowned, looking at Die. "Please don't tell them. Any of them. I don't want to freak them out unless something's really wrong. They went through enough the first time."

Die looked down at the bed sheets and gave a tiny nod. "And if something happens while we're in Japan? What do I do?" It had to be asked if Kaoru was convinced he still wasn't okay.

Kaoru blinked a little. "Oh. Um. Well, I guess if anything serious happens, call them." He scratched his head, shrugging. "If... if I die there, which I hope is pretty unlikely to just drop like that... find a Buddhist priest in Osaka and have me cremated."

Die stared at him for a long few seconds before he just dissolved into tears again, unable to not start sobbing. This was what he'd been holding back for all this time and now it was crushing him like a weight he couldn't get off of himself.

Kaoru sighed softly, rubbing Die's back and just letting him cry, not sure what to do or say.

It took Die a while to calm down, finally crying himself out, reaching for the box of tissue and mopping up his face, then blowing his nose. After a few moments, he looked up at Kaoru. "I'm sorry... I just... I don't know. I didn't think about it."

Kaoru frowned, touching Die's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to upset you, but, I had to make sure you really understood what could happen. I... I've sort of been working on putting a will together, actually. I guess I should ask you... would you want to keep my ashes?"

Die stared at him for a long moment before he ducked his head, not really sure. "I... I don't know. Couldn't I get one of those things to put them in? The wall things?" He couldn't really concentrate right then, but the thought of having Kaoru's dead... pieces... on his mantle just royally creeped him out.

Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. "You mean have me interned? No. If you don't want to keep me, find a wooded bank on the Yamato, maybe near Kashiwara, and scatter them there. If my parents insist I be buried with the rest of our family in Taishi, let them."

Die nodded a little. "Okay, that'll work," he murmured under his breath. Something about all of this was hard and painful. But then... if he didn't care, it wouldn't be hard, so that meant he had to care a lot.

Kaoru snuggled up under Die's chin, stroking his arm. "What about you? If you died in some freak accident, how would you want to be buried?"

"Cremation... and I don't really care what happens to my ashes." Die shrugged a bit. It's not like he'd feel it or something.

Kaoru gave a sort of nod and then fell silent, his brow furrowing. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." He shifted and sat up a little. "Do you want to take a walk down to the river?" He realized then that he and Die both had dried cum on their chests and needed to clean up, anyway.

Die wet his lips a little, rubbing at his hair. "Yeah, sure." He sat up and then sighed. "Gonna get cleaned up real fast."

Kaoru nodded, crawling off the bed and going into the bathroom, deciding that was a good idea. He wet a washcloth and started to rub at his stomach and chest, cleaning up between his legs some and then going to put on some track pants and a tank top.

Die did the same thing as Kaoru, careful to clean everything up. With that done, he went back to the bedroom and dressed for a walk, putting on his black jeans and a white hoodie over a black tank top along with his tennis shoes that he didn't leave by the door. He was careful not to step on carpeting with them as he went to the cupboard and made a water bottle for each of them and then leaned on the counter, waiting on Kaoru.

Pulling on an older pair of running shoes, Kaoru went out the back door, camera around his neck, and put Makoto on the leash, figuring he could use the exercise and attention.

Die headed out after him and smiled a little, attaching both water bottles to his own belt loops. If Kaoru was taking the dog and the camera, then he'd carry these. "I'm gonna go all grandpa on you and walk slow. You better stay with me."

Kaoru sighed and rolled his eyes. "I know, I know... I just wanted to get out of the house." He let Makoto walk on the outside of him and reached for Die's hand.

Die took Kaoru's hand and padded along with him. "Just making sure, baby. Don't want to cause another incident after all." He paused, clucking at Makoto when he ran around them both, kind of binding them with the leash. "No, you know better, Makoto." Immediately the dog sat down and Die rolled his eyes. "Silly pup."

Kaoru sort of stumbled as the leash pulled tight around their legs, grabbing onto Die and laughing at Makoto, stepping out of the little trap and starting to talk again. "The neighborhood kids love him. I always bring him on my jogs now, since I cut back on the distance, and stop and let them pet him. I figured he needed the socializing."

Die nodded. "It's good for him. He likes people." He snorted a little. "Some guard dog, right?"

Kaoru chuckled, leaning into Die's side. "Actually, a stray was prowling around the yard right after you went to see Kyo and he was barking up a storm. So I think he'll be a good guard dog, too. I figured after my surgery, once things calm down, we'll enroll him in an obedience school."

Die offered a nod at that. It sounded like a good plan to him. He finished untangling himself from the leash and wrapped an arm around Kaoru's shoulders, holding onto him.

Kaoru slipped his hand around Die's waist; something about Die's arm around him, especially around his shoulders, protective and strong, always made him feel safe and a bit bashful. He walked down the street to the corner and turned, heading to the dead end to cut across the woods to the river walk. 

Die just followed along with him, letting Kaoru lead though he held the pace back rather severely. Slowly the craving grew inside him for a smoke or a drink and he made a little face, trying to stave it off with a few drinks from his own water bottle.

When he reached the path, Kaoru continued down it along the river bank to a set of stairs down to the water. He took them carefully and when he was on the sandy bank, he let Makoto off the leash, watching him run to splash around in the water and hop across the rocks, kneeling down and lifting his camera, snapping a few photos and laughing at him.

Die followed him down, hanging back a bit to watch Kaoru and Makoto, fishing out a cigarette and lighting it up, puffing away at it like the nic-addict he was. He'd gone from a few cigarettes a week to almost a pack every two days in the past few months and it was slowly trying to break his wallet, but that somehow didn't even compute to him in the midst of his mental tangle. 

Kaoru moved around the bank, taking photos of the water and of Makoto before looking at Die and then back at the dog, pointing at the redhead. "Go splash daddy!" Makoto looked at him for a moment, then at Die, and went barreling over, full speed.

Die let out a squeal, shielding himself from the wet dog. But he didn't do a very good job: the sandy, wet creature jumping up to about mid-chest and leaving smears of mud down his front. Die chuckled, shaking his head and dusting off the hoody, making a face. "Shouldn't have worn white."

Kaoru was in peals of laughter. "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't think about that!" He couldn't stop laughing, watching Makoto bounce circles around Die, wanting to be played with. He lifted his camera again, taking photos of them both.

Die rolled his eyes and stuffed the cigarette in the side of his mouth, picking up a little stick and showing Makoto. "Want it? Huh? Huh? Yeah, yeah you do!" He tossed it a ways down the bank and watched as the dog bounded off after it.

Kaoru jumped out of the way of the flying mud and sand, going over to Die and hugging onto him, watching Makoto grab the stick and flail around with it like he'd caught an animal rather than bring it back.

Die snorted, shaking his head at the dog. "Hey, come back here with that!"

Kaoru laughed as Makoto looked up, dropped the stick, and came running back, sitting down in front of them and wagging his tail.

"Oh for the love of god. We're gonna have to teach this pup to fetch, that's for damn sure." Die chuckled and leaned down to pat him on the head.

Kaoru watched them, biting his lip. Everything seemed more urgent, more meaningful now. There was the constant thought in the back of his mind that it could be the last time he watched Die play with Makoto, or walked along the river bank. That could have been true, tumor or no, but it brought it to the forefront of his mind and made him stop and really appreciate things a little better; the denial and anger was starting to pass, though the sadness still lingered. He hoped everything would turn out okay. He wanted to be with Die for a long, long time to come.

The dog dashed off again, barking as a bird tried to land on a nearby bush. It flew off and he tore off after it. "Makoto! Get back here." Instantly, the dog's fluffy little butt was on the ground and his head turned to stare at Die. 

Die padded over to him and leaned down. "Don't chase the birdies. Just look at them." He patted him on the head and then picked him up, coming back to Kaoru and the leash. "Silly boy."

Kaoru grinned, waiting until Die was back at him before taking a step towards him, putting his arms around Die, dog and all, and kissing him rather soundly. "I love you, crazy man."

Die started to put the dog down, but then Kaoru's arms were around him and he was getting kissed. Makoto squirmed between them and then barked and Die chuckled. "I love you, too, baby."

Kaoru stepped away and took Makoto, putting him on the ground and clipping the leash back to his collar, heading for the stairs, intending to walk down to where he knew he could cut through the woods back up to their neighborhood again.

Die watched him, following after, but pausing at the bottom of the stairs, biting his lip. The slight chill in the air had gotten to him a little and he hadn't relieved himself after sex like usual. His bladder felt full and heavy, like he needed to go something awful. The walk back to the house wasn't horrible, but he knew he'd be squirming by the time they got back. He glanced at the bushes to the side of the stairs, debating. He could just go next to the stairs or he could try to hold it. The former seemed far more exciting, but he wasn't sure Kaoru wanted to be even present for such a thing. Stuck in debate, his thighs pressed against one another and a hand over his abdomen, he didn't even notice he was taking a long time deciding.

Kaoru turned back and looked at Die, who was lagging, rolling his eyes. "Go pee! There's nobody coming, be quick."

Blushing faintly, he was quick to undo his pants, fishing out the TravelMate from his hip pocket, tucking the pouch for it into his hoodie pocket and pushing his underwear and packer aside with what was now practiced ease. He slid the cupped end of the little device between his legs and held it against himself, spreading his legs a little more and let go. Immediately a stream started from the tip of the device, spraying the bushes at the edge of the stairs. Relief flooded through him along with the little thrill of doing this somewhere semi-public like a real man would. His hips canted forward as the last flood of urine left his body, flowing through the little clear device.

Gently pulling it forward once he was sure he was done going, he flicked the excess off and tucked it back into its case, putting it back in his pocket and quickly readjusting the packer, his underwear, and then his pants. He cupped the fake dick for a moment, rubbing at it with his palm, studying the wet patch of sand and glistening leaves of the bush. With a somewhat satisfied smirk, he turned away, making his way quickly up the stairs. He didn't say anything, not really sure what could be said. After all, he'd been honest with Kaoru about his desires already, so there was no use in apologizing or acting sheepish.

Kaoru watched Die, smirking at how pleased he looked with himself, patting his ass when he was back at the top of the stairs, tucking a hand into his back pocket and starting to walk.

Die was more than happy to have that hand in his pocket. He leaned in close and shifted to kiss Kaoru's cheek. He enjoyed knowing he had peed like a guy and it made him feel kind of sexy, Kaoru's hand helping that along just fine. "Thanks," he murmured finally, feeling like he needed to say _something_.

Kaoru just grinned, kissing Die's cheek and finding the barely visible foot path through the woods, Makoto following it by smell, taking the lead.

About halfway through on the path, Die stopped, pulling Kaoru into his arms and leaning in to kiss him deeply, one hand speared in his hair, the other on his hip as his tongue invaded that mouth.

Kaoru gasped, startled, dropping the leash. Makoto kept going ahead a little before waiting. His hands came up into Die's hair and he moaned softly, shoving his camera to the side to press himself more against his lover, kissing him back passionately. When he was out of breath, he broke away, panting and holding onto Die, still. "When we get back, want to fuck me again?" He smiled, leaning back against a tree and tugging Die up against him.

Die shifted them a little, lightly pressing Kaoru up against the tree trunk, his longer legs letting him kind of straddle Kaoru's. He pressed himself more fully against him and moved down to nip at his jaw and then under his chin. "How about," he let his tongue out to lick at the flesh there, "we start here... and finish there?"

Kaoru let out a small sound, his head falling back. The sun was almost down and there was about fifty feet of woods on either side of them; no one would see. "Fine, but you have to find a way to make it up to me if I walk back home with a hard-on. That shit is uncomfortable." He quickly made sure Makoto wasn't going anywhere, grabbing Die and kissing him again.

Die pulled back for a second and whispered softly, "If you get hard, I'll blow you right here, I swear it." With that, he sealed his lips with Kaoru's, his hips rocking against the other man's, his hands all over him. He knew they'd had amazing sex earlier, but he felt so worked up again, so desperate to have more while Kaoru was willing. He knew they wouldn't at Kaoru's parent's place and wouldn't on the long plane ride and probably wouldn't have time even in Japan and some part of him wanted to do this while they still could... just in case he never got to again.

Kaoru gave a loud moan, glad Die's mouth over his own cut it short. He grabbed Die's shoulders and pulled him close, writhing against him. He wanted Die, badly, and the other acting so dominant really had him on edge.

Die was so worked up, he could feel the wetness already seeping through his underwear into the fabric of his jeans. Just dry humping Kaoru like this was damn near about to get him off. He let out a low groan, both hands going to Kaoru's ass while he worked himself against him harder and a little quicker, sure he could cum from this.

Kaoru reciprocated, not quite getting hard yet, but incredibly turned on. Even if he couldn't get an erection again, he knew he wanted Die to fuck him more when they got home, craving being taken. He lifted one leg and ground his thigh in between Die's legs, trying to encourage him to go wild.

Die let out a moan, shifting from kissing him to burying his mouth against his neck, hips bucking desperately. "Oh god... Kaoru," he panted out, "I'm gonna cum." His hands moved to Kaoru's hips and he pressed harder, the packer rubbing harshly against his clit over and over. "Oh fuck..."

Kaoru tilted his head, giving Die more access to his throat. "Do it, baby."

Die's heart pounded in his chest as he writhed against his lover, cheeks hot with desire and anticipation. A few more seconds and one more hard grind and he was cumming, gasping for air in between the rather high-pitched cries he let out with each clench of his muscles. Warmth spilled into his jeans, some of it dribbling down his thighs as he shuddered against Kaoru.

Kaoru bit his lip hard, a thrill of fear running through him that someone might hear Die, but it only served to make his cock twitch, now half-hard. Makoto had wandered around in circles and was coming back towards them, looking at Die funny. Kaoru ignored him and kissed his lover's neck, grabbing onto him. "Let's get back to the house so you can change and then fuck me into a coma, okay?"

Die panted softly, bucking against him every few seconds before he whispered, "Wait." Shifting back just a little, he undid his pants and took Kaoru's hand, pushing it down until he was sure he was touching his slick folds. Leaning in close, he whispered, "Fuck me with your finger for a minute... and then lick it." God he was demanding today. But some part of him was getting a thrill out of being able to get what he wanted just by asking.

Kaoru sort of blinked at all of Die's ordering him around, but didn't dare disobey, slipping two fingers into Die and doing his best with the position and with Die's pants still half on to fuck him with them, rubbing at his g-spot and then pulling his hand away, staring at Die in the dimness as he put both fingers in his mouth and sucked them clean.

When Kaoru sucked his fingers clean, he smirked, doing his pants back up and then reaching to get Makoto's leash. He grabbed Kaoru's hand and started off toward the house, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

Kaoru squeezed his hand back, walking surprisingly leisurely up the street back to their house. About halfway, he was snuggled to Die's side, arms crossed. The setting sun was taking a lot of heat with it and his bare arms were freezing.

Die rubbed his lover's arm trying to give him some friction-warmth. "I love you so much, Kaoru."

Kaoru smiled a little, leaning more into Die, still shaking. "Love you, too, tiger."

Die frowned a little and shifted away, unzipping the hoodie he was wearing and carefully maneuvering to give it to Kaoru.

Kaoru's eyes lit up and his high cheeks flushed pink as he took the hoodie with a soft, "Thank you," and slipped it on, zipping it up. Something about wearing Die's jacket made him feel like he had fireworks going off inside him. He snuggled up in it and pressed back into Die's side, Makoto trotting along ahead of them, only half a block away from home now.

Die patted him. He was used to being colder than Kaoru anyway and he wished he'd foreseen that Kaoru needed to bring his hoodie as well, but he hadn't been that observant. He unhooked Kaoru's water bottle and passed it over as a hint. Granted, it was cold liquid, but he needed it regardless.

Kaoru sort of looked at the water bottle oddly and then took it, opening it and taking a few gulps.

Die shrugged a little. "Thought you'd want some water, so I brought us both a bottle."

Kaoru hugged him, walking around the alley to their yard. "Thank you, babe."

"No problem." Die padded past him, letting Makoto off the leash and then unlocking the door, heading inside and into the kitchen, making himself a cranberry and vodka. "Want something?"

Kaoru turned his head on its side, thinking, slipping off his shoes and locking the door, Makoto going to drink some water and then curl up in his bed. "Rum and coke? I think I have half a Pepsi in the fridge." He looked to make sure, pulling the bottle out and setting it on the counter, kissing Die's shoulder.

Die smiled, nodding and going ahead and making Kaoru's drink for him as well. Once his lover wasn't really looking too close, he downed the first drink and made himself a second, taking a few sips and then taking both and handing Kaoru's off to him. "Still want me to take you again, baby?"

Kaoru sipped at his drink, leaning against the counter and nodding as he smirked. 

Just then, Die's phone buzzed. It was a text from Kyo, with a picture of Fea looking sleepy on his couch. _This crazy fool flew all the way out to see me. Just woke me up, knocking on my door. I have the best boyfriend ever._

Smirking, Die showed the picture to Kaoru and then texted back. _He is a crazy fool. But he loves you and it's adorable._

Kaoru got sort of goo-goo eyed and cooed. 

Kyo texted back quickly _He'd better fucking love me. I can't wait to see you in a few days!_

 _Oh, I promise... he does. That look in his eyes, I know it well. And I miss you. I want to be less shitty next time I see you._ He hit send and then picked his drink back up, looping his arm around Kaoru's waist. "C'mon, sweet cakes."

Kaoru giggled a little, letting himself be pulled along. He snuggled up to Die, smelling like his lover in the hoodie, wondering if Die would still be so driven and wild after cumming twice in the past hour or so.

Die downed the rest of his drink and put the cup on the nightstand, starting to strip off Kaoru's clothing, going slow, unzipping the hoodie first and pushing it off his shoulders.

Kaoru sort of shivered, pressing their foreheads together and moving to help Die take the jacket off. "When I'm in the hospital, can I borrow one of your hoodies? Just to feel safe."

Die nodded. "Of course. Anything you want, baby." He ran his hands over Kaoru's arms, letting the hoodie fall to the floor before he worked at taking the other's shirt off.

Kaoru lifted his arms to help, sort of blushing. Being stuck in a hospital bed for a couple days seemed much more appealing if he was cushioned in a jacket that smelled like Die.

Die leaned in, gently rolling his tongue over his lover's neck before sucking on the flesh a little with a tiny whine. Sometimes he wished Kaoru would do the same and mark him real good, suck until Die was squirming with anticipation of what was coming. But Kaoru wasn't a mind-reader and he wasn't about to beg for something so damn retarded. He nipped a little at his neck and then sank to his knees, undoing Kaoru's pants and starting to push them down his legs.

Kaoru squirmed, letting out short sounds of pleasure. He sat back on the bed and gulped his drink, hoping Die had made it good and strong.

Die removed Kaoru's pants and underwear, then his socks. With that done, he shifted forward, running his hands along Kaoru's thighs, dragging them back down the inside and then back up all the way to his hips.

Kaoru downed his drink, falling back onto the bed to sit as Die removed his clothes. 

"Hnnn, baby..."Die smiled softly at him, getting up and taking off his own clothing before crawling over him, gently nudging him back on the bed. "You want me to take you?" he murmured in his ear, licking at the flesh.

Kaoru's head fell back and he sighed, letting Die push him. "Absolutely. So much, baby, please!"

He nuzzled closer to his neck and then scooted them up the bed until he could grab his second strap-on. Sitting back a little, he put it aside. "I want to suck you off... eat me out while I do?"

Kaoru glubbed stupidly like a fish for a while and then nodded, his erection, which had somewhat died, back nearly full-force.

Die smirked at him a little before he shifted, moving to straddle Kaoru, backing up so his crotch was over his face before he leaned down, licking over the other man's turgid flesh.

Kaoru twitched when Die's hot tongue swiped over his cock, giving a little whine before reaching up with one hand to spread Die, the other holding his hip. He leaned up and dragged the point of his tongue up and down the wet slit before spearing it in, closing his eyes and sinking into the task, sucking at Die's pussy, shoving his tongue in as deep as he could.

Die pushed back against him, moaning and whimpering. If there was one thing Kaoru had done oh so well for him, it was to make him be okay with the body God gave him... at least during sex. It no longer shamed him to drop his clothing and have his dick remain in his underwear. Instead, he knew he'd be accepted and loved all the same. He pushed back a little more and took Kaoru in his mouth, head bobbing over his length with abandon. He loved sucking him off and he set himself upon it like he was a starving man and Kaoru was dinner that he was required to suck and lick up.

Kaoru's hips rocked into Die's mouth, low moans muffled against his lover's cunt. His hands slid up over the redhead's scrawny ass and across the small of his back. He was more or less completely in love with the tattoo and his fingers could trace the roots around the heart almost perfectly, just by memory. His tongue writhed inside Die and he then ducked down lower, sucking at the other's tiny cock.

Die let out a moan deserving of a whore as Kaoru's hands wandered, his butt lifting in the air when Kaoru started sucking on his clit. So good. He deepthroated Kaoru and moaned around him again before bobbing his head.

Kaoru's breath was labored, trying to focus on pleasing Die while he was so distracted by his lover's expert sucking. His hands came around Die's sides and up to his nipples, blunt nails raking over his chest a bit before tweaking and tugging at them.

Die lifted his head this time, crying out and almost shoving himself back against Kaoru's mouth. "Shit, baby... oh god," he breathed out, jerking his hips a little before licking the tip of Kaoru's dick. He lifted his leg and rolled off of Kaoru, quickly shifting around and putting on the strap-on before moving between his lover's legs and lubing the dick. Two fingers sank into Kaoru's passage a moment later, Die impatient to continue, but still wanting to prep his lover at least some.

Kaoru shouted, pushing his hips against the fingers pushing inside him. "Nn, just do it, baby, I'll be okay. Want you so bad!"

Die pulled his fingers back out and shifted forward, guiding his dick until he was deep inside Kaoru, his hips pressed against the other man's. "Oh, fuck," he murmured, rocking his hips.

Kaoru let out a long sigh, relaxing to take Die in. His hands came up and laced themselves together at the back of his lover's neck and he shifted under him a bit, getting comfortable. He squeezed himself around Die's cock for a moment, moving his hips back slightly, regretting only that Die couldn't really feel it and hoping enough translated through that Die actually enjoyed this.

Die slid down so that their torsos were touching, his arm under Kaoru as he started to move, his free hand moving to get Kaoru's fingers up to his nipples again.

Kaoru sort of chuckled, moving to let Die get an arm under him, toying with one of his lover's nipples again, gently this time, sort of loving on it with the tips of his fingers, straining upwards to steal a kiss from the other.

Die was more than willing to lean down and kiss the other, his tongue laving over his lower lip and then dipping inside, his hips working a slow rhythm against Kaoru.

Kaoru purred, kissing Die back, giving in and trying to open himself up to somehow express to Die the emotional surrender he felt, to let him know he was offering himself over to him.

Die let out quiet little sounds every few seconds, feeling what Kaoru was trying to send to him. His hips jerked and he let out a little whimper, free hand abandoning holding Kaoru's wrist and going down to cradle his dick, languidly stroking.

Kaoru squirmed, moaning, the deep sound vibrating through his chest. He tugged hard at Die's nipple and bucked his hips up a bit into his hand.

Die couldn't help the thought of 'he wants me again' as he took his lover. It wasn't a thought that came on purpose, rather it sprang from nowhere and he realized he'd been half in belief that Kaoru just didn't want him anymore, rather than it being his impotence. But he was also aware that he was twisted for even thinking such a thing at all. It wasn't his lover's fault he usually couldn't get it up and it certainly wasn't his fault that Die had pulled away, afraid to make Kaoru feel bad for all this time. He tucked his face against Kaoru's shoulder, moving a little faster. 

"I love you," he breathed out.

Kaoru was panting too hard to respond, teetering on the edge. Die's fingers were working wonders and the cock invading him, fake or not, was too good. He gripped Die's hair and moved against him, taking over and striving for release, feeling tortured on the edge of it.

Die sped up a little, his strokes to Kaoru's cock going the same pace as his thrusts into the other man's body.

The shorter man's body strained, sounds of pure bliss leaving him. He started shouting Die's name, grinding his ass down against the thrusts into him, and then bucking up into Die's hand. When he found his end, he practically sobbed, tightening up as he started to cum, and then flopping back against the bed, his cock lazily spitting up the last few pumps of his seed.

Die watched him in amazement, his hips and hand still moving, just staring down at his lover. He pushed in once more and stilled, his insides clenching and then releasing, continuing a lazy process over and over for a little while until he pulled out and unhooked the straps, letting the harness fall to the side as he curled back up next to Kaoru. His hand reached up to fiddle with a piece of Kaoru's hair. "I love you."

Kaoru was a rubbery, limp mass on the bed, still swimming in afterglow. He let Die curl up to him, sort of shifting to make it more comfortable, but still feeling like his limbs were at once too heavy and too boneless to really move. He gave a soft hum and smiled. "Love you, too."

Die kissed his cheek gently, rubbing his side a little. "So..." he wanted to ask if any of what they'd done had disturbed Kaoru, but he wasn't quite that brave. Instead, he murmured, "Thank you."

Kaoru finally lifted his arms, wrapping them around Die with a soft laugh. "You're welcome. Thank _you_."He blushed a little. "Why thank me?" he asked softly, closing his eyes and hugging Die closer, kissing his hair.

"For everything, just for breathing, for being born." He gave him a sad little look before nodding a little and laying down close. "Thank you... for coming into my life and giving me so much."

Kaoru let out a soft sigh, kissing Die's forehead, just enjoying the moment for a while until breaking it with a soft inquiry of, "Shower?"

Die nodded a little, blinking himself out of the half-doze he'd fallen into. "Yeah... I'm a mess."

Kaoru got off the bed, grabbing both strap-ons and trudging to the bathroom, putting the devices in the sink as a reminder to wash them later. Turning on the shower to heat up, he looked himself over in the mirror, tilting his head this way and that, somewhere between being conceited and finding flaws.

Die followed him in, Makoto on his heels. He didn't bother to close the bathroom door, just moving past Kaoru and getting into the shower.

Makoto stepped inside with him and Die squealed, "Oh my god! Makoto!" He started laughing and then shook his head. "Kao, we have a guest."

Kaoru turned and shook his head, stepping into the shower and picking Makoto up, standing under the spray with him and trying to get the mud off him. "He was dirty, anyway, now he can be a clean boy." He used a little baby voice, gently rinsing the dog off.

Die chuckled, reaching for the mildest shampoo they had and pouring a dollop on Makoto's back and starting to rub. "He'll be all nice and smelling like his daddies."

Kaoru moved closer to Die, Makoto looking sort of concerned, not used to being held and much less getting wet on purpose, when usually he got scolded for being in the house when he was damp. Kaoru cooed to him and petted his head to keep him calm, kissing his little nose.

Die continued to scrub at him, making him all nice and foamy before starting to wash him off with scoops of water in the little bowl they kept in the shower. "Good boy, Makoto, good boy!"

Makoto just short of shook and blinked, laying his head on Kaoru's chest. Kaoru chuckled, cradling him a little looser to make sure no soap remained after the rinse.

"He's adorable like this... not that he isn't always. But still." Die finished up rinsing the pup and then slicked some water from his fur.  
"Just put him in the floor or what?"

Kaoru stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, drying Makoto off as best he could before setting him down, getting back into the shower and starting to soap himself.

Die watched, already soaping himself up with a loofah. He offered a grin when Kaoru came back in.

Kaoru kissed his cheek and got clean, washing his hair and face before getting out and drying off, putting on his black silk robe. He washed the strap-ons and left them to dry on the counter, going to tidy up the bedroom and refill their drinks, waiting on Die in the parlor, sitting on the big leather couch, sipping his rum and coke.

Die did the same, taking a little longer as he quietly trimmed his hair down below and made sure his armpits were shaved. Something about not doing that annoyed him and he found he still needed to even after all this time. Once he was done, he went to put on his PJ bottoms and came back out, humming softly to himself as he plopped down next to Kaoru.

Smiling, Kaoru handed Die his drink. "So I guess we'll drive up Saturday to my parents’, around noon or something, stay the night, and drive back for our flight Sunday?" They weren't leaving until the afternoon, after all. Die's phone went off in the bedroom and Kaoru kissed his cheek, getting up and going to grab it for him, bringing it back. It was a text from Kyo, of course.

Die nodded. "Sounds good to me." He blinked when he heard the obnoxious vibration of his phone. Watching Kaoru get up to get it, he made a curious little face and then accepted the device with a quiet, "Thank you," flipping it open and reading the text.

_Just sent something to Kaoru's email for both of you. Tell him not to hate me if it makes him mad >>;_

"Um... apparently Kyo sent us something in your email. He says don't hate him if it makes you mad." He shrugged a little, scratching his head as he sort of tried to figure out what Kyo would be sending to Kaoru that could make his lover mad .

Kaoru lifted a brow, standing up to go get his laptop, coming back and sitting cross-legged with it on his knees. He opened his email and found the message from Kyo, downloading the video file attached. The message with the email was in Japanese and he read it, chuckling. "I think you'll enjoy this." He opened the file when it was done downloading and a video popped up with dim lighting, perhaps set on a short tripod on a nightstand. 

On screen, Kyo waved a little and then shifted back, straddling Fea, who was sitting propped up against the headboard, giving a shy smile to the camera. Kyo put his hands on Fea's shoulders, fondling locks of his long, dark hair, and kissed him deeply, the taller man's hands coming up to hold onto Kyo's hips. 

Kaoru watched objectively, tilting his head. "Talk about height difference." All the same, it was blatantly obvious from only a few seconds into the kiss that they were madly in love and already knew each other well, moving easily with one another.

Die sipped on his drink, watching Kaoru go about downloading and then opening the file. When Kyo came on, he blushed deeply, remembering the video he still had in an email that he was supposed to have forgotten about. Biting his lip, he watched, shifting closer to Kaoru and studying the film, trying not to show any reaction at all outwardly, almost afraid to.

The kiss quickly went from slow to hungry. It was clear they had missed each other, tearing off clothes and kissing roughly, hands flying all over each other. By the time they were both naked, Fea had tossed Kyo onto his back, grabbing lube from a drawer off camera. Kaoru noticed, then, how well-hung Fea was and his eyes sort of bulged. Even though Kyo was about the same size, there was something about both of them being so well endowed that was particularly impressive; not to mention, Kyo being so petite made the idea of taking such a sizable cock seem nearly impossible. 

He shifted a little and put an arm around Die, watching as Kyo laid on his back and spread his legs, dragging his big toe down Fea's side and then trying to tug him closer with his legs.

Die glanced at Kaoru about the time his eyes bugged out and he chuckled. "Oh yeah... did I forget to mention that? He's hung like a goddamn horse." Looking back at the movie, he let his hair kind of hang down, hiding his face from view while he watched. Kyo was meant to be with Fea and they looked so perfect together. A tiny smile teased his lips, his eyes not leaving the screen.

Kaoru rubbed Die's arm, watching as Fea slipped lubed fingers into Kyo, prepping him quickly before slicking his cock and butting the head of his cock against Kyo's hole, pushing slowly. He hit the volume key to turn it up, Kyo's moans unbelievable as Fea filled him, slowly sliding all the way in, pausing there and craning over to kiss him more.

Die swallowed a little, liking watching this far too much for his own good. It was probably best it was on Kaoru's computer and email or else he'd be hard pressed not to be using this as his fap material. He bit his lip harder for a moment before forcing himself to take another drink from his glass, trying to look mostly disinterested, though he was anything but.

Kaoru wasn't exactly immune to the visual stimulus, either, but having been satisfied already, he could watch it less lecherously than he might having gone without any sex. It was, after all, very arousing; they were both incredibly attractive and as Fea started to move, thrusting deep into Kyo, hunched to keep close enough to kiss him, he couldn't help but wonder what that cock must feel like, remembering how difficult it was to take Kyo's. 

Fea started up a pace, taking Kyo forcefully, making him whine and moan before moving to suck at his neck. Kaoru actually jumped because Kyo screamed so loud, thrashing around and moaning. Fea held his legs apart and fucked him harder, nibbling and sucking at that one spot on Kyo's neck that drove him crazy. When the blonde came, it was everywhere - and loud - his body spasming as his cock pulsed and covered his stomach in jizz. 

Fea didn't stop, continuing to slam into him, lifting Kyo's leg nearest the camera and grabbing it behind the knee, pushing it up and rolling Kyo slightly, looking directly at the lens and winking, having opened up the view to his thick cock pistoning into Kyo's ass, looking like he was going to split the other open, completely unobstructed and unavoidable to watch. Kyo simply lay there, moaning, taking it, a limp mass on the bed.

It took every ounce of Die strength to keep back a moan when Kyo started screaming and moaning. His cheeks burned with the evidence of what this was doing to him. He was just so sexual that it didn't matter that he'd already cum so much. He was definitely turned on again. When Kyo came, Die wanted to shove his hand down his pants and start tugging at his clit. But he did no such thing, instead regulating his breathing and doing his best to just remember this for later. The new view put him on edge and he felt like he could cum very quickly if he even tried at all. Still everything about him outwardly looked almost bored with the exception of the burning desire in his eyes and the slight tinge to his cheeks.

Kaoru gnawed at his lip, leaning into Die as he watched Fea toy with Kyo, pulling out and re-penetrating him with only the head of his cock, doing so several times, making Kyo yelp and squirm, obviously enjoying it. After a bit of this, he slammed back in and started to fuck Kyo savagely, shoving his leg up higher, pounding into him, deep and fast and hard. Little strangled moans left him, Kyo grabbing onto his arm to keep contact. When he came, he slammed completely into his lover, freezing, trembling he was so tense, before groaning out Kyo's name and rocking into him a little. 

Kaoru shivered, hugging Die to him more.

Die had to chug the rest of his drink in order not to moan or move his hips. Just from watching, he was close, a little bit of stimulation and he'd be hurdling over the edge into oblivion. Putting the glass aside, he reached over, just putting a hand on Kaoru's knee, still watching the screen, hiding behind his curtain of hair.

For a few minutes, they cuddled and kissed, heard just barely whispering their love for each other. Kaoru sort of smiled at that, leaning his cheek on Die's hair. Finally, Fea pulled out of Kyo, a little stream of cum leaking out, but neither of them seemed to notice or care. Fea lay down on the bed and cupped against Kyo's back, snuggling him. Kyo hugged his arms around his chest and kissed his lover again before leaning up to reach and turn off the camera, blowing a kiss at it before the video ended and the program closed.

Die kept watching, calming down just a tiny bit when they started cuddling and whispering to one another. He knew he couldn't calm down all the way, but at least somewhat. His cheeks were still hot though, and he was tucking back the look of lust in his eyes, aware it was there and trying to hide it away. He watched Kaoru put the laptop down, not daring to say a word. One hand rubbed over his cheek for a moment before he dropped his hand to his lap again, eyes flicking up to Kaoru.

Kaoru chuckled a little and closed his computer, leaning to set it on the table. He leaned back and was about to ask Die what he wanted to do for the rest of the evening when he realized how much heat was radiating from his lover. Out of nowhere, a thought came to him and he set his drink down, looking at Die and glaring a little. "You're turned on, aren't you? You were getting off watching them fuck." 

The glare caught Die off guard and his heart kind of stopped in his chest at the question. His mouth opened to deny it, to pray he could write it off on being drunk that he was red-cheeked.

Kaoru gave a little sneer, grabbing Die suddenly by the arms. "You're a bad boy, you little slut." Without warning, he shoved Die down over his lap, pushing the other's pajama bottoms down off his ass and raising his hand. "You are such," he let it down with a sharp slap on Die's ass, leaving a hand print on his pale skin, "a bad," another hard smack, "boy!" He delivered a few more quick blows, watching to make sure his sudden inspiration wasn't coming off as abuse.

Die let out a gasp of shock when Kaoru grabbed his arm and shoved him down over his lap. The first smack made Die cry out, the second had him desperately holding back a string of words to try to apologize, to get out of trouble. But the next few had his lower lip trembling and shame bubbling up inside him. "I'm sorry," he whispered out, so much as admitting guilt. Under any other circumstances, he would have been more than pleased to have Kaoru spanking him. But he felt nothing but ashamed and upset right then because he knew he shouldn't have been feeling aroused off of that. It was his friend and he should have been more horrified than aroused, like any normal person. But instead, he was on the verge of orgasm because of it. He didn't even try to move out of Kaoru's lap, didn't try to get away. He deserved this and anything else that came to him from what he was feeling.

Kaoru ghosted his hand over Die's now reddened ass, leaning down and trailing his nose over his lover's shoulder, kissing his neck and then whispering in his ear with a little smirk, "Do you think you could get off from this?"

The words that came next had Die confused. He stared at the couch, his dark eyes brimmed with tears as he tried to compute what on earth Kaoru meant. The tone of his voice was almost tender... gentle and caring. And the way he was touching him now was nothing if not sweet. Was it a ploy to make him show how eager he was to get off? Or was it just simply Kaoru taking the opportunity to do something he knew Die liked? Biting his lip, he deliberated for a moment, forcing himself to calm down and put a damper on the guilt and fear. His fingers curled against the cushion and he finally whispered out, "I don't know," because right then, he wasn't sure what was going on or what answer was best.

Kaoru kissed his neck again, nuzzling his hair before sitting up, putting one hand on the small of his back. "Let's find out, then." He raised his hand and started to spank Die again, hard, waiting just long enough to let Die start to recover before delivering the next blow.

This time, Die just whined a little and buried his head down against his hands. He blinked out the tears, wanting them to go away by the time Kaoru was done with him. Each smack earned a new sound, but Die really couldn't enjoy what was going on, still feeling guilty. When his orgasm came, it was almost a betrayal to him, forcing him to let out a cry of pleasure as he squirted out over the couch, muscles rapidly clenching and loosening. He sagged against the couch and just stayed there, trying to rid himself of the confusion and emotional upheaval.

Kaoru rubbed over Die's stinging behind as he came, shushing him and pulling his pants back up, lifting him into his arms and cradling him. "Good boy... see? It's okay..." He kissed his hair and rocked him back and forth. "Are you alright? Was it good?"

Die pretty much crawled into Kaoru's arms, burying his nose against his neck and wrapping his arms around him. He didn't answer, just clinging to him, not knowing what to say anyway. He still felt ashamed and knowing Kaoru knew he'd been aroused coupled with the fear he'd felt at first just didn't let him rest easy.

Immediately, Kaoru panicked. He'd wanted to play off Die's fetish for spanking, hoping Die would know it was all an act, but the way Die was acting, despite his orgasm, was like he felt as though Kaoru had just abused him. His breath quickened and he hugged Die to him, fear making his fingers tingle. "Honey... what's wrong?"

Die's heart crawled up in his chest and he shook his head a little, holding on tighter. He didn't want to talk about it. He knew now what had really been going on, but he also knew how he'd felt and that made all the difference in the world. "I love you," he finally murmured, hoping Kaoru would respond to him.

Kaoru felt like an asshole. His brows knitted and he stroked Die's hair, trying to be tender. "I love you, too, tiger..." Self-hatred stirred in his gut and he sighed. "I'm sorry..."

Die gave a tiny little shake of his head. "No... don't be sorry, please." He sighed, knowing he needed to talk about it or they'd end up in a bad place. "I just... it did turn me on and I felt like it shouldn't... just... ashamed." He worried his lip for a second. "I thought you were serious for a minute and I was trying to hide that it turned me on, so it came as a shock. But I realized you weren't mad after a little bit and it was fine. I just still feel like an asshole for letting it get to me. I mean, I know I wasn't supposed to be turned on by it, but I'm me... and I really am sorry about that."

Kaoru sighed, holding Die to him. "Oh, baby..." He shook his head, petting Die's hair some more. "I wouldn't have gotten you off if I wasn't alright with you being turned on by it. I was, too."

Die tucked himself even closer, nodding a little and burying his face against Kaoru's neck once more. It felt odd to be told it was okay after he'd convinced himself it wasn't. Slowly, he let the fear and self-hatred drain out of him. After he had, he murmured, "They love one another so much... it's so obvious."

Kaoru fingered Die's hair for a while, not sure if he was supposed to be reading any subtext to that or not. He hummed a little in agreement, nuzzling Die's cheek. "We love each other. Do you think it's obvious like that with us?"

"I'm sure it is." Shifting a little, he ran his fingers gently down Kaoru's arm. "I'm sorry I freaked out like that... I'm glad you took the initiative to do something I enjoy."

Kaoru shook his head, just snuggling Die more, dismissing the apology, not needing one. He kissed his ear and patted his thigh. "Did you maybe want to curl up in bed and watch a movie or something?"

Die nodded a little. "Yeah." Shifting back, he slowly got up and then grabbed his glass and Kaoru's. "More?"

Kaoru gave a little shrug and then a nod, getting up and putting his laptop back in the office before heading to warm up the bed.

Die headed off to the kitchen, making Kaoru's drink first and then his own, gulping down the first one and then making the second strong as hell. Coming back to the bedroom he could already feel he was on his way to completely drunk, though he tried hard not to act it. He handed Kaoru his drink and crawled in. "What movie?"

Kaoru took the drink and curled up to Die's side. "I don't care, just something I can cuddle you watching." He gave a little smile, nuzzling his nose against Die's shoulder.

Die nodded, flipping on the TV and going to the guide channel. A show about meerkats was on and he flipped to that, tossing the remote to the side and watching with heavy eyelids.

Not really caring what was on, Kaoru laid with his head on Die's shoulder, listening to his breath, putting a hand over his chest and feeling his heartbeat. He fell into a comforted sleep that way, drink on the nightstand, forgotten. For all the oddness of the day, it was the most relaxed - the most normal - he had felt with Die in a long while.

Die finished off his drink, realizing Kaoru was asleep. Gently, he tucked him in and then took Kaoru's drink, finishing it off as well before stacking the glasses and flicking off the light and the TV. He snuggled down beside Kaoru, gently putting him back the way he'd been before closing his eyes and drifting off into a rather drunken sleep.

**To Be Continued…**


	56. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm debating not finishing editing it because of how much of an emotional strain it is becoming to both me and my editor. Die and Kaoru's relationship was nothing if not emotionally abusive and going back through it makes it starkly obvious to me. I have physical anxiety attacks when re-reading it. It doesn't help that the time in which I was writing it was not a good time in my life. I was very depressed, dealing with loads of things in my life that weren't great at all... and going back into the fic reminds me of every single bit of that... and how close I am to that pit once again.
> 
> It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't such a grueling process to get the damn story pulled. We wrote it in email to start with and I had to first, pull it from gmail email-by-email. Then I had to get rid of all the duplicate lines (which I had to actually write a program to do)... and then put spacing in. Now there's the problem that half the line breaks are in the wrong places, punctuation that was never put in because of replies coming from mobile phones, all kinds of shit. Beyond that, it requires the actual editing read-through, and then being sent to my editor for the final edit before being posted.
> 
> If anyone wants to deal with the line breaks, paragraph issues, taking out author comments (shit we were talking about in the same emails), and first-run edit of the whole thing... I can send the files to you. Then I can do the once-over and then send to my official editor for the final read. Please let me know if you'd be willing because I'm seriously so close to fucking done with this shit... I can't even tell you.

The next day was spent packing and idiot-checking everything. The trip up to Kaoru's parents’ would work nicely as they had agreed to take care of Makoto for the week, so the dog got loaded into the car with everything for their trip and the weekend, as well. Kaoru made sure everything was turned off, going around the house and locking windows and doors, honestly excited about getting out for a while, even though he'd be working. He was always thrilled to go back to Japan.

He thought he was set and ready for a long, productive week ahead, but the closer they got to his parent's house, the more nervous he got, wondering how his family would react to the news that he and Die were now engaged. As he turned into the drive, he reached for Die's hand, squeezing it, heading slowly over the bridge. 

Die had ensured that he packed far better this time than he had when leaving for Kyo's. He packed all kinds of needed things in the bag for the flight and a suitcase for under the plane. In a small duffel bag, he put everything he needed for the weekend at Kaoru's parents’ as well as packing his fishing pole and tackle box. There was nothing that wasn't separated and meticulously double-checked in his stuff and he was proud as hell of that. By the time they got to the house, Die had already smoked three cigarettes and drank one beer at the last pit stop they'd made. He smiled when Kaoru squeezed his hand. "Love ya, baby." 

Kaoru lifted his hand and kissed it, smiling. "Love you, pumpkin." He parked in the circular drive, getting out and grabbing the grocery bag with a few things his mother had asked him to pick up for her, going around and opening Die's door, taking his arm and heading for the door. They were just up the stairs when Tadashi opened the door, smiling. He stepped onto the porch and grabbed Kaoru in a hug, squeezing him hard. When he let go, Kaoru looked relieved, like he could breathe again, slipping off his shoes and stepping into the house while Tadashi turned his attentions to Die, offering a hurried, rather excited sounding greeting in Japanese, pulling the young man into a hug and patting his back rather forcefully. "How are you?"

Die followed Kaoru, smirking a bit that he tugged him along like he did. Chuckling, he watched Kaoru's father greet him and then turn to Die himself. He smiled, returning the hug. "I'm okay. How about you?" He wanted to tell him things had been rough, but he knew he wasn't supposed to do that. Kyo and Fea were the only people who could know such a thing.

Tadashi held onto him a bit longer, giving him a good final squeeze before pulling away. "Good, good, I've been well." He waited for Die to get his shoes off before gesturing into the house. Miyuki was taking the bag from Kaoru, making him lean down to hug her, kissing his cheek and fawning over him for a bit. Her long hair was piled up and clipped on top of her head, a cute little apron with blueberries on it tied around her simple outfit of jeans and a button-up top. She let Kaoru go and looked at Die, offering a genuine smile, seeming torn whether or not she should go and hug him.

Die slid his flip-flops off, leaving them in a cubby and getting a pair of house shoes to walk around in. He glanced at Kaoru and Miyuki, smiling back at her, but not wanting to intrude on the woman's space if he wasn't welcome. "Is there anything I may help with?" he asked softly.

Tadashi had wandered over and had his hand on Miyuki's back. She looked up at him with feigned annoyance and nodded. "Yes, you can get my husband out of my hair so I can cook!" She shooed him off towards Die. "Go fish! Give me some space."

Die laughed. "Will do." He started off toward the front door again.

Tadashi laughed, shrugging at Die. "You don't have to tell me twice. I'll go change." He went off towards the bedroom, Miyuki going into the kitchen.

Kaoru got up close to Die, whispering, "I'll stay here and help cook. I'll tell her if you tell Dad. Then I guess maybe we can both tell my sister when she gets here. Is that okay?"

Die paused when Kaoru touched his back and nodded. "Yeah, that's fine with me." He offered Kaoru a smile and a peck on his lips before heading back off toward the front. He changed shoes again and got his pole and tackle box and the little cooler with beer in it and then padded around the side of the house, going to wait near the back porch.

Tadashi came back in khakis and a t-shirt, looking younger than his nearly seventy years, longish hair falling a bit into his face. Miyuki followed with a cooler with a few beers and then looked at Die's cooler. "Oh. Well. I suppose you beat me to the punch." 

Die laughed when Miyuki appeared. "I come prepared!"

Tadashi leaned down and kissed her, reaching to pat Die's back as his wife went back into the house with the cooler. He walked down towards the dock where his little john boat was tied, putting his pole and tackle box in. "Have you been out on this lake before, Die-san?"

Die then followed Tadashi off towards the dock. "Nope. I've actually never been in a boat. I always fish off the bank." He grinned. "This one should be new."

Tadashi stepped into the boat carefully and reached for Die to hand him the cooler and his tackle box and pole. "It's not much, but it's good for fishing. I know all the good spots on this lake by now. If we're lucky, we'll catch enough for lunch tomorrow."

The younger man grinned, handing in the cooler, box, and pole. With that done, he carefully lowered himself into the boat, having a moment of instability and then sitting down, laughing softly. "Mmm, fish for lunch. Sounds amazing. I never come home empty-handed."

Tadashi chuckled, putting a fishing hat on to keep the sun out of his face. "Hopefully your luck will continue." He grabbed a paddle and pushed away from the dock, tossing the rope back into the back of the boat, paddling out into the cove and then starting the small motor, coasting out towards the middle of the huge lake.

Die sat, looking pleased to be where he was, eyes bright and happy. He felt freer than he had in a while and it was an amazing feeling. "So what's new around here?" 

Tadashi shrugged, the boat skipping slightly over another, larger boat's wake. "Not a lot. Waiting for the baby. You?" 

Die bit his lip for a moment before letting out, "A lot, actually." 

"Oh?" Tadashi steered the boat across the open water towards a cove by a farm, a small island before it full of geese, some taking off and lighting across the water. "Like what?"

He didn't really want to be telling him while they were actually moving in the boat since it might shock him, so he started off on the smaller topics. "Kaoru got a few photos up in one of the galleries near us."

Tadashi smiled, nodding. "Aaah, yes, he mentioned that. I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner, he's always been quite talented."

"He hadn't been trying as hard as he is now." He smirked. "Had a bit of a push from me to go submit and whadda ya know, they took it." He smiled, waiting on them to get to where they were stopping.

Tadashi slowed down, steering the boat towards the small cove, idling to the middle of it. He gave a soft smile, cutting the engine. "You've been a very good influence on him. He's changed a lot, for the better, I think, since you two got together."

Die blushed a bit, nodding and then nervously getting his fishing pole ready. "A lot has changed... for both of us..." he glanced up, "especially now that we're engaged."

Tadashi nodded, half-listening, putting his pole together and opening his tackle box. The statement just breezed by him at first and then registered. He stopped, looking up at Die, shocked. "Wh-what?"

Die blushed a little and held up his hand, showing him the ring. "Engaged."

Tadashi's jaw dropped and he stared at the ring, too stunned for several moments to respond. After a while, he stammered, blushing, not sure why. "Ah, well, I--c-congratulations!" He gave a nervous little laugh, rubbing the back of his head. "I certainly wasn't expecting this."

Die let out a tiny laugh and shook his head. "Neither was I. Funny thing... I had it all planned out to propose to him and um... he beat me to it." He shrugged a little.

Tadashi sort of frowned, trying to just keep going, baiting his hook. "You should still do it, maybe. If it's a gesture you meant to show your dedication to him, it's still valid, right?"

He nodded a little. "Yeah, gonna have to change the plans up some though... cause I told him about it when he proposed to me." He laughed, finishing up with his line and carefully standing up before casting out with a beautiful arc, the lure making a soft splosh in the lake. He settled back down and slowly started reeling in. 

Tadashi nodded, casting off as well, staying seated. After a few more tosses, he cleared his throat. "I... Well, I just want to say that I'm glad we can add you to our family." He looked at Die, seeming slightly sheepish. "You're welcome here."

Die smiled at him. "I'll be more than glad to be a part of it." He was lazy in the way he reeled in, not really hunting for fish just yet. "I'll be glad to have some caring family."

Tadashi frowned a little, remembering the scene Die's parents had caused at the house warming. He just sort of nodded, glad he could be some sort of surrogate in the young man's life, especially after seeing what he had been given for family to start with.

He reeled all the way back in and cast out again, this time aiming to get a fish. "Kaoru's telling his mom."

Tadashi deadpanned, "God help him," and then laughed. He reeled his line back in and put a new worm on. "She likes you. She's just very protective. After we almost lost him, she's been almost too nosy into his life, but thankfully, he's a strong man, he knows how to make his own decisions."

He let out a tiny half laugh. "Mmm... I definitely was not going to be the one to do that." He couldn't say more, the 'almost lost him' bit giving him pause. It made his heart feel heavy and he hoped Tadashi wouldn't notice.

"When do you plan on having the wedding? Or have you not planned that far yet?" He pointed to Die's cooler. "Could I have a beer?"

"We haven't planned that far yet." He lifted the lid and took two out, cracking them open and handing one over to Tadashi before taking a few gulps of his own. "It'll be a while, I'm sure."

Tadashi took the beer with a nod of thanks, sighing after he took a few sips and cast off again. "I still remember _exactly_ how Miyuki looked on our wedding day. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life."

Die blushed a little and then chuckled. "I promise I'm not stuffing Kaoru in a wedding dress and I won't wear one either."

Tadashi seemed to blanch, giving a stale laugh. "I would hope not."

He laughed. "Yeah... seriously. I don't think that would go over too well."

Tadashi laughed and took a few more swigs of beer, casting off and reeling back in, getting an excited look on his face suddenly and starting to reel faster. "Open the cooler?" His line came back with a sizable bass on the end of it, fighting against the hook and flopping around as he pulled it up out of the water.

Die grinned, quickly sticking his pole between his knees and opening the cooler, pulling the beers out and putting them in between the seats. It was now a fish cooler, not a beer cooler and as much as Die loved fish, he did not like fish taste in his beer.

Tadashi grabbed the bass along its bottom jaw and pulled the hook out, laying it on the ice and closing the cooler back, looking rather pleased. He wore a smug expression as he baited his line, grabbing his beer again.

Die held up his beer. "First catch of the day!" With that, he drained that beer and went about reeling in his line. A few more casts and it was his turn to bring in a fish. He just grinned as he took it off the hook and examined it, nodding. "Good good, nice size for cookin'."

Tadashi chuckled, putting his pole down. "I'll take you to another cove to try our luck some more before we head back." He started the motor again and headed back out onto the water, skirting the coast. After a few minutes and a detour circling a small island, showing Die the grill and chairs that had become a communal spot, he steered the boat into a small cove with twenty-foot rock cliffs on either side, shaded and cool. A few trees loomed over the side at the top, some small foliage spotting the face of the cliffs. Taking up his pole, Tadashi cast again, whistling softly, the sound echoing off the rocks.

Die felt free and completely alive while the boat traveled along. It was something he didn't get often and he enjoyed it to the fullest to actually be able to worry about absolutely nothing while casting a line. It was part of why he loved fishing and really, his heart had been longing for such a reprieve for a long time now. When they arrived at the new spot, Die cast off as well, softly commenting, "I wish I could fish more often. It calms the soul." 

Tadashi gave a soft smile and a low hum of concurrence, reeling slowly. After a while he asked, his voice quiet so that it didn't bounce loudly back off the rock walls, "This will be your first time in Japan, right?"

So Kaoru had told them. He nodded. "Yeah, it will be."

The older man gave a little nod, seeming pleased, perhaps even proud. "Good. I think it's good Nisei go back at least once. Are you excited?"

Die offered him a big smile. "Oh yeah, very much so."

"You'll like Tokyo; big city, ambitious young man like you." He gave a convicted nod, sniffing a little, reeling in another empty line.

“From what I've read, I probably will. Definitely doing some shopping, even if it's just window shopping at those prices." Die laughed, shaking his head a little.

Tadashi sort of chuckled, casting again and finishing his beer. "Kaoru is going back to see my father, I think. If he brings you along - which, don't be offended if he doesn't - my best advice is to be silent and respectful. He is a very strict man and would most likely be prejudiced against your growing up here."

Die nodded. "Yeah, I've read some forums and have been kinda cautioned that I might be made fun of a lot because I look like I'm Japanese, but I'm technically American." He gave a little shrug before reeling in a catch. "Not like I'm not used to it for other reasons."

Tadashi sighed. "We're too proud of a culture, sometimes. When I go back, I'm underhandedly ridiculed for emigrating. Just... do what you can to ignore it, and enjoy the experience. American or not, it's still your home, in some way. It's where you came from. It's important you see it, at least, even if you don't really feel a part of it."

"Kyo lives there part-time and Kaoru's in the same boat as you. I think I'll be okay with two people who kind of know what to expect." He switched over to Japanese. "I've been learning a lot, trying to speak better and faster. Am I doing well?" 

A surprised look passed over the older man's face before he smiled, replying in his native tongue. "Much. I'm impressed."

Die beamed at him. "I don't think I'll pass yet, but I'm at least not terrible anymore."

Another wry smile as he reeled back in. "Do you want to try a little longer, or are you ready to go back? Lunch should be ready soon."

"As long as we can stay... please." He gave him an almost sheepish, begging look. "It's been a long time."

Tadashi gave him an odd look, but nodded, grabbing another beer and leaning back, looking around them, letting the boat just drift around in the cove. "Is something bothering you, Die-san?"

Die had a brief moment of panic, studying Tadashi for a long moment, tears welling up in his eyes. He ducked his head a little to try to hide it, murmuring, "Forgive me, but I cannot talk about it just yet." He reeled in a bit hard and cast back off using a thumb to wipe away the stray few tears. 

Tadashi's brows knit and he reached forward, giving Die's hand a good squeeze before leaning back and casting again, not pressing the issue.

Die closed his eyes for a moment, just letting the line stay where it was. It felt good to have someone else he knew cared and he knew even if Kaoru did die, he'd still have a family. The thought seriously almost sent him over the edge into a crying jag and he had to regulate his breathing and blink back the tears.

Tadashi let them sit in silence for another fifteen minutes or so before he phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, seeing the short message from Miyuki to tell him to start heading back. He cleared his throat a little, reeling in his line and putting his pole down. "Lunch is almost ready, we should go back." He started the motor and waited for Die to get his line in.

Die nodded, reeling in. He was most of the way in when he felt a light tug on the line and he smiled, reeling in faster. He found a tiny fish on the line and he just gently stroked its sides. "Too small to eat. It'd be a waste and a pity." He pulled the hook out carefully and fed the little guy a fresh worm before gently placing him back in the water, watching him swim off in a shimmer of fins. Carefully, he started putting away the rest of his supplies, knowing he could do that while Tadashi headed in. 

Tadashi started out back across the open water and across the lake to their little island.

Cruising up to the dock, Tadashi lashed the boat to a post and put the cooler and his tackle box and pole up on it before carefully stepping out, extending a hand to Die. 

Die put his stuff up on the dock and accepted the hand out of the boat.

Nick, who had been sitting at the far side of the dock in the gazebo, came hurrying after Asako, who was barreling down the dock towards Tadashi, shouting, "Ojii-san!"

Tadashi put his arms out to her and scooped her up before she could fall. "Asa-chan!" He spun her around and hugged her tight, grinning ear to ear. Nick caught up, looking a bit frazzled now that Asako had learned to walk well and was constantly doing it in any direction she could. He smiled at Die, waving slightly.

Die smiled when he saw Asako running toward them. He realized he and Kaoru had never gotten that promised day with the little girl and he wanted so badly to have it again now that he saw her. Maybe after they got back if Kaoru was well enough... or maybe even if he wasn't because he needed to enjoy her while he could. And Die did, too... because he knew well in the mind of a child how if one thing they loved left them, whoever was attached to that one ended up blanked out as well. Another wave of sadness hit him and he shoved it down inside, offering a wave to Nick. 

"We caught tomorrow's lunch," he informed, trying to get his mind away from sad things. 

Nick, ever awkward and shy, just smiled more and sort of bobbed in a nod, made even more awkward by his size. Tadashi started towards the house carrying Asako, who had pulled off his fishing hat and was now wearing it herself, and Nick bent down to grab the tackle box and pole he'd left behind, trying to be on his best behavior and as helpful as possible around the in-laws who never seemed to be all that impressed with him. He started up the dock towards the yard beside Die, trying to be polite and asking, "So how have you been?”

Die picked up his things and double-checked to make sure they had everything out of the boat. He padded along beside Nick. "Rough time... it happens. What about you guys? She's walking everywhere I see."

Nick heaved a sigh. "She's everywhere and falling down and getting into stuff she shouldn't, and Sach is bordering on bed-ridden she's so pregnant, which makes her cranky, which means the last three months of my life have been a sleepless hell." He paused and then laughed. "It's good, really." He seemed to smile a bit dopey, ducking his head. "It's a boy."

Die couldn't help but grin at him. "Listen... once we're back from Japan, I really do want to keep our promise about Asako. We'll take her for a weekend at least. It'll help you guys out. Maybe we could take her to the zoo or something."

Nick nodding, setting the tackle box and pole on the porch. "We've just been so busy, we forgot all about it." Tadashi left his shoes by the door and went into the house, Nick following suit.

"All the more reason to let us help." Die grinned at him and ditched everything but the fish and the remaining beer at the door, leaving his flip-flops there as well. He already felt a little less like crying and that was good since he didn't really feel like making a scene in front of anyone.

He carried the fish in the cooler into the kitchen. "We have lunch for tomorrow!" he let out in hurried Japanese, the tone of his voice excited.

Miyuki looked up from where she was stirring ramen, giving a smirk and a nod. She set the spoon aside and wiped her hands on her apron. 

Sachiko, who was sitting at the counter, hopped down and waddled over to Die, her stomach huge and round. Miyuki put her hands out to Die. "Let me see it." Sachiko stopped, about to go over to hug Die, confused. 

Kaoru slid in behind his lover and put an arm around his waist, smiling at his sister and waiting for Die to show his mother the ring for her to catch on.

Die looked about as confused as Sachiko for a moment. Then he chuckled, shaking his head a little and holding his hand out to show the ring. He smiled almost shyly, biting his lower lip.

Miyuki clucked her tongue in an approving way, taking his hand and inspecting the ring. A sly smirk crossed her lips and she winked at Kaoru. "My good taste, obviously." She nodding a little and then turned back to her cooking, leaving Sachiko to stare in disbelief. 

"No. Freaking. Way!" She let out a short sound of excitement and waddled closer, arms outstretched to Die, Kaoru laughing his ass off. 

Die nodded, giving her a sort of embarrassed smile, reaching out and putting his arms around her. He rubbed her back a little and looked down at her stomach, his hand coming to hover over it. "May I?" he asked softly, looking kind of embarrassed. But he didn't have the ability to ever and it fascinated him to some extent. 

She squeezed him, still a bit shocked. When he asked to touch her stomach, she waved it off, nodding, figuring he should know he didn't need permission. She put her hands at the small of her back and looked at Kaoru. "Has anyone told Asa yet? She'll flip to know she'll have Die as an uncle."

"I didn't," Die murmured, putting his hand on the swell of her stomach, gently running his hand over it and gasping softly when he felt a tiny kick. Amazement crossed over his face and then pure adoration. "Wow," he murmured softly, his eyes bright.

Sachiko let him have his moment, used to having her stomach fondled by now. Tadashi had put Asako down and she now tugged at the leg of Die's jeans, babbling at him. Sachiko smiled at her, reaching to ruffle her hair. "Hey guess what, kiddo?"

Asako looked up at her mother, taking a dramatic gasp in anticipation. Sachiko chuckled a little. "Die is going to be your uncle." Asako looked like she didn't quite get it, but she'd caught that it had something to do with Die, whose leg she clung to tighter.

Die abandoned Sachiko's stomach in favor of Asako who was being as adorable as ever. He chuckled, bending down and picking her up, settling her on his hip. Touching her nose lightly, he murmured, "Me and Kaoru. Family now." Maybe that was clearer.

Still not quite getting it, figuring that was obvious already, Asako settled for hugging his neck, nuzzling on him and playing his hair like she always did. Kaoru gave a demure smile, putting an arm around Die and kissing his cheek. He loved how good Die was with her, and was glad his lover would be able to call Asako _his_ niece now, too.

Die's eyes sparkled as he hugged her close, kissing her cheek lightly. He looked back up at all of them and smiled happily. "I'm glad to have all of you as my family."

Miyuki didn't seem to react for a moment, but ever so slightly, the hint of a smile crossed her features. Sachiko grinned and patted Die's arm, going into the living room to sit with Nick. Tadashi ruffled Die's hair affectionately and swept past him into the kitchen, sidling up behind his wife and hugging her around the waist, having to stoop. She batted his hands away, but was obviously playing around, giggling when he kept bothering her. 

Kaoru watched them and turned Die a bit so they wouldn't be staring so much as Tadashi tugged her around to face him and gave her a deep kiss. Kaoru smiled, leaning in and whispering in Die's ear, "We'll be like them one day."

Die cradled Asako in his arms, letting the little girl play with his hair, not minding at all. He smiled at Kaoru and nodded a little. He could only hope so. He shifted so they weren't staring at all and leaned to kiss Kaoru's cheek. "Love you," he murmured. 

Kaoru put his arms around both of them for a moment, hugging them to him and then kissing the corner of Die's mouth. From the living room, Sachiko called "Onii-san!" rather demandingly. Kaoru pulled away and rolled his eyes, going off to see what was up, finding she just wanted to toy with his now short hair, not sure how she felt about it, having gotten used to a long-haired Kaoru for years.

Die chuckled and followed after, going to sit down with Asako in his lap. He kept her occupied, cuddling her and letting her 'braid' a piece of his hair, not worried about how it would turn out.

Kaoru settled down on the floor between Sachiko's legs, letting her toy with his hair and lovingly tease him about trying to show her up, marrying someone Japanese, and her letting him press his ear to her stomach. 

Asako twirled Die's hair around her fingers, cooing to him, throwing his name in several times, liking to say it. After a while, she settled for pushing at his chest emphatically and giggling, saying several times, "Dai-Dai!"

He grinned happily around him. He liked it here. It felt like he'd always thought real family should and he couldn't help but enjoy it when he got to experience it. He stretched a little and chuckled, poking Asako's nose. "Asa-chan!" he informed her, grinning happily.

Asa giggled up a storm, clapping her hands, Sachiko, Nick, and Kaoru laughing behind their hands on the other couch. A few minutes later, Miyuki and Tadashi had the table set, calling everyone in for lunch. Kaoru got up and scooped Asako out of Die's lap, kissing her cheek and cuddling on her, extending a hand to Die to help him up.

He accepted Kaoru's hand to get up, smiling happily as he followed them to the table. Leaning in, he murmured, "I love being here... I feel so welcome."

Kaoru smiled, putting a hand at the small of Die's back and kissing his cheek. "Because you are." He sat down, setting Asako beside him, between himself and his sister, settling onto the cushion and crossing his legs. Miyuki started passing the dishes to Die first after Tadashi had made his plate, as he was the closest to guest status, still. Bowls of ramen sat at each place and toppings were passed around, from fresh cut green onions to pan-seared meats.

Die's tongue slid out, licking at his lips. Everything looked delicious and he accepted each topping plate, taking a tiny bit of most things, a little bit extra of the green onions. For once, he sat like Kaoru did, his legs crossed in front of him rather than forcing himself to sit up on his knees in a manner that hurt more than anything. 

Chat was idle, Tadashi and Nick talking about work and football, Miyuki prodding Sachiko about baby names, which her daughter insisted she hadn't come close to deciding on yet. She had time, seeing as her due date was not for another ten weeks and everything so far was going as planned, save for the fact she was of a small frame and was becoming less and less mobile the bigger she got.

Die just mostly remained silent, listening and eating quietly, his eyes flicking between people as they spoke.

Kaoru leaned into Die's side a little, blushing when Sachiko asked about the print he'd gotten put in the local gallery. He played it off modestly. "It's just a small local place, it's nothing, really... it was Die's idea, if he hadn't suggested I submit there, it would still be the old starving artist sob story." He cut his eyes at Die and blushed, giving a tiny smile.

Die rolled his eyes. "Need to submit more places, Kaoru. It's not like you suck or something."

Kaoru gave a slight shrug and said nothing else, sipping his tea and eating some more. Asako had herself a little plate of chicken and tempura fried carrots and some rice, eating rather well by herself for her age.

Die went back to eating, wondering if he'd said the wrong thing, but not really dwelling on it. He'd know soon enough if he had.

Kaoru finished his plate, resting his hand on Die's knee and politely refusing seconds, putting his other hand on Asako's hair, then helping her not dump rice in her lap and feed her for a while.

Die went back to eating and when it was time for seconds, he didn't take any either, just sitting there. He reached over and took Kaoru's hand from his knee, curling his fingers with his lover's.

Kaoru smirked, giving it a light squeeze, sitting and waiting while everyone else finished eating, going over Makoto's feeding schedule again when his mother asked to be reminded.

Die stood up after a short while, excusing himself to the bathroom. Once he came back, he gathered up his and Kaoru's bowls, moving to the kitchen to wash them up.

Miyuki came in with more dishes, setting them by the sink, rubbing Die's back for a quick second before going back off to get the rest, muttering a soft, "Thank you." Kaoru came in and started helping Die wash dishes, hip-to-hip at the sink.

Die smiled at her when she dropped off more, nodding. "Of course," he murmured. He bumped Kaoru a little and smirked at him, handing him each thing to rinse off and put in the drainer.

Kaoru bumped him back, smirking and getting the dishes done in record time. Miyuki wandered in and poured herself a big glass of blush wine from the fridge, passing beers to Tadashi and Nick before putting two on the counter for Kaoru and Die, then grabbing a sippy cup and a regular glass, pouring half cherry juice and half Sprite into both, handing them, respectively, to Asako and Sachi. She patted her son on the arm and made a gesture with her head towards the back door. "Let's go sit in the gazebo, hmm? It's so nice out."

Die accepted the beer with a smile and a soft word of thanks. He cracked it open after he dried his hands, taking a swig.

Kaoru took his beer and put his arm around Die's waist, following them all outside, slipping on some flip-flops by the door and watching Asako take off across the yard, getting tackled by Makoto. Thankfully, it was obvious they were both just playing, Makoto licking her face and Asako giggling herself into a fit, hugging him around the neck.

Die slid on his flip-flops as well, padding off after Kaoru. He gasped when Makoto tackled Asako. But the moment he was sure it was just playing, he let out a breath and went over to them, gently tugging Makoto back. "Mako... don't jump on people."

The puppy squirmed around, looking at Die with an excited expression, obviously loving all the room to run around and go nuts. Kaoru laughed and Nick picked up Asako, putting her on his shoulders and walking down to the gazebo with everyone else, Kaoru taking Die's hand to follow. 

Miyuki sat down and pointed to both of her children. "I want my babies on either side of me, come here, I feel like I haven't seen either of you in so long." Kaoru and Sachiko both went to sit on either side of her, getting thin arms around their waists, hugging her back. She sat just loving on them for a moment, cooing to them almost in a baby voice and then let go, sighing, laying her head on Kaoru's shoulder while Nick took a seat next to his wife, setting Asako down, Tadashi sitting a bit of a ways away, watching her pad around.

Die let the pup go and wandered off after them all. He tilted his head a little when Miyuki started loving on her children. He moved to lean against the far side of the railing, quietly lighting up and smoking away at a cigarette.

Tadashi pulled his pipe and tobacco from his pocket and patted the wooden bench next to him, looking at Die, before packing the pipe and lighting it.

Die smiled softly at him, going to sit down next to Tadashi. He crossed one leg over the other, one arm on the back of the seat.

Tadashi leaned in conspiratorially, speaking in a low tone over the others chatting. "When you go to Tokyo, will you do me a small favor?"

Die perked a bit. "Sure. What?"

Tadashi smirked a little. "Remind me to give you some cash before you go, don't let anyone find out if you can, even Kaoru. It will be our little secret. There's a candy shop just outside Shibuya that makes a cherry blossom candy. It was Miyuki's favorite when she was pregnant with the kids. If you can, find that place and bring some back? Lots, actually? I'll write down the name."

Die grinned at him and nodded. "Of course. I'd be more than happy to." He finished off his cigarette and put it out in the ash tray, leaning back and tilting his head. "Sounds intriguing."

Tadashi seemed satisfied, giving a little nod and leaning back, puffing at his pipe.

Die reached to light up another cigarette, licking his lips before taking a swig of beer.

Kaoru got up and moved over to sit beside Die, pulling out a cigarette of his own, Asako taking his placed beside her grandmother and Makoto scrambling up onto the bench next to her, laying his head in her little lap and letting her pat his head, not really minding that she was kind of rough.

Die chuckled at the pup. "He looks so at home with a kiddo."

Kaoru smiled, nodding as he put his arm around Die. He'd been meaning to talk to Die about that, but he kept quiet for now, letting Die enjoy the moment. Not to mention his reluctance to talk about any possible children in front of his parents, who were still getting used to the idea of them being together long-term, much less having children.

Die smiled at his lover, leaning over and pecking him on the lips lightly before straightening back up and finishing off his beer.

Kaoru blushed faintly at the kiss, sipping his beer and finishing his cigarette, snubbing it out in the ashtray and leaning into Die's side. Sachiko shifted suddenly and put both hands and her stomach. "Ooh! Ooh! He's kicking!" Kaoru got up and went to feel, a huge grin on his face, pushing back gently against the little thing shifting around inside.

Die bit his lip, watching, his eyes glittering. Licking his lips, he chose to gnaw on his lip and watch.

Kaoru, Nick, Miyuki, and even Asako all had hands on Sachi's stomach, laughing as Asako finally made out "Otouto-chan!" rubbing at her mother's stomach and grinning.

Die smiled even more, getting up and going to go and put his hand on her as well, waiting on it.

Kaoru took Die's wrist and pressed his hand at the spot where his own hand had been, letting him feel what was maybe a little foot or hand pressing out, as though the baby inside was stretching.

Die's eyes took on a rather round shape and he gasped, making an excited sound. "Oh wow, I can feel more than just a kick... it's like a foot or something."

Sachiko chuckled at him and after a moment made a face. "Okay, okay, stop encouraging him, he's starting to hurt mommy." Everyone backed off and Nick put an arm around her, hugging her to his side, rubbing his scruffy blond beard against her hair and then kissing it.

Die shifted away, going back to where he had been sitting before. "I wonder how I get along with boy children," he murmured.

Kaoru moved back beside him, sitting close. He smiled, giving a wink. "Well _somebody_ has to play baseball and climb trees with him."

Die laughed. "Baseball I'm not so sure about, but definitely fishing and I can do the trees thing."

Kaoru chuckled, scooting to lean back against Die's chest, giving a content sigh and nursing his beer. It was the perfect weather to just sit and do nothing, staring out over the water or up at the sky, clear and bright blue.

Die cradled him there, gently stroking over his belly, his eyes going sort of unfocused as he drifted off in his thoughts.

Asako toddled around, playing with Makoto, everyone just relaxed and quiet. After a while, Sachiko sighed, extended a sandaled toe and nudging Die's knee. "I can't believe you two are getting married. I saw it coming, I swear, but I still can't believe it."

Die looked up at Sachiko and smiled, nodding a little. "Believe me, I knew it was coming, but I had figured it was gonna be me proposing." He laughed softly, shrugging.

Kaoru sort of blushed, muttering a soft, "Sorry," and Sachiko laughed. "That's Kaoru. Even if he isn't trying, even if he doesn't _know_ , he'll out do you."

Die laughed softly, patting Kaoru's back. "It's all good." 

Kaoru bit his lip, leaning into Die. Makoto came over and hopped up on the bench, lying across both their laps. Kaoru laughed. "Why do I feel like having Mako-chan is like a pre-requisite course to having kids?"

Die snorted, pushing some of his hair back out of his eyes. "Because it is." He patted the dog and then ruffled his ears. "Silly pup."

Tadashi reached over and murmured softly to Makoto, rubbing his belly. The dog made a quiet sound of content, squirming around. Kaoru laughed. "Please don't spoil him too much while we're gone?"

Tadashi feigned a heavy sigh. "I make no promises."

Die nudged Kaoru. "It's his job as the granddad of the pup."

Tadashi nearly spit up his beer, managing to swallow it before he started laughing, scratching Makoto's belly some more, the little dog so pleased by this he was practically melting off Kaoru and Die's laps.

Die chuckled, looking like he'd done it on purpose while he tried to give an innocent look.

Kaoru snickered at them both, Nick, Sachiko, and Miyuki giving them all odd looks, not having been paying attention until Tadashi had burst out laughing. Tadashi waved it off, putting his pipe away and relaxing back against the railing of the gazebo, shielding his eyes from the sun and looking out over the water. "Kaoru, maybe you'd like to take Die out to the island later this evening? I showed it to him, but we didn't stop."

Kaoru gave his father an odd look, but nodded. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

Die wet his lips, a slight sad look in his eyes, though there was a tiny smile on his lips. He wasn't quite sure about the offer, but he did like the sound of going to the island for a little while, even if it was only for a tiny bit.

Kaoru snuggled up closer to Die, playing patty-cake with Asako for a little bit before she started to waver. Nick got up and chuckled at her, lifting her up into his arms. "Somebody needs nap time."

Die watched, his eyes affectionate. Something about Asako never got old and he loved her to bits.

Sachiko got up, as well, taking Asako's sippy cup and her own glass with her. "Mommy needs nap time, too, I think." She followed them back to the house, leaving the rest of them in the gazebo. 

Miyuki got up and sat down closer to Tadashi, grabbing his wrist and pulling his arm around her, sighing and looking out over the water. "This view will never get boring..."

Die watched everyone, waving at Sachiko. One hand went to rest on his own abdomen and he allowed himself to wonder - not for the first time - what it would have felt like. But with a soft smile, he let his hand drop, knowing that while he wanted a child, he never would have wanted to carry it himself.

Miyuki tucked her legs up on the bench, hugging Tadashi around the waist and seeming to doze for a while. Without much warning, she mentioned casually, "Maybe we should do pizza for dinner, and watch a family movie." She leaned and looked at the both of them. "What do you boys think?" 

Kaoru shrugged, thinking that sounded alright, looking at Die.

Die smiled softly, nodding. "Yeah, sounds fine to me. Then no one has to cook."

Miyuki nodded, leaning her head back on Tadashi's chest and reaching over to take Kaoru's hand, giving him a sort of sleepy smile. "And here I thought you'd never get married..."

Kaoru wasn't certain how to take the comment, but he could at least tell it meant she was happy it was actually happening now. He squeezed her hand back, holding onto it.

Die leaned back against the railing, eyes half-lidded, stroking over Kaoru's hair gently. He was honestly starting to feel like he wanted a nap as well, but he didn't want to seem like he needed such a thing. Licking his lips a little, he shifted enough to stretch.

Kaoru hummed, rubbing his mother's fingers and putting his other hand on Die's knee. For a moment, he was just silent, inside and out; peaceful, still, calm. He turned his head and whispering softly against Die's ear, "Love you."

"Love you, too." Finally after a few moments, he yawned and looked defeated. "I could really use a small nap." He looked kind of sheepish, but he'd been having a hell of a time sleeping until very recently and he still hadn't caught up with all the missed time.

Kaoru chuckled softly. "A short nap sounds good. Maybe after, I can take you to the island for a while before it gets dark." He patted Miyuki's hand and let go, standing up and tugging Die with him, heading toward the house.

Die nodded. "That would be nice." Getting up, he wandered after Kaoru, yawning widely and then sniffing a bit. "Too damn tired lately."

Kaoru just rubbed his back, kicking off the flip-flops and taking Die into the far wing of the house, down a hall into a small bedroom, decorated simply. "This was my old room." All his old things were gone, save for the photo over the dresser of water lilies, which was his own, but it was still the space where he had spent his teenage years in America. Clothes on, Kaoru laid down over the covers, getting comfy.

Die just followed along, smiling when Kaoru lay down on the bed. He slid the door shut and came over to him, curling up at his side, hooking one leg over Kaoru's and snuggling in. He yawned again, nuzzling against his shoulder and closing his eyes.

Kaoru closed his eyes, not really sleeping so much as resting, petting Die's hair, drifting in and out of a light sleep state the longer he laid there.

It wasn't even but a few minutes before Die was out like a light, snoring slightly while he rested. 

After about an hour, Kaoru was awoken from his shallow sleep by the sounds of Nick and his father excitedly shouting, obviously watching football. He rolled his eyes and gave a sleepy smile, rubbing Die's shoulder to see if it would wake him, not wanting to jar him out of sleep if he was sleeping well.

Die didn't even budge, completely out. He was exhausted as hell and his nap had turned into more of a deep sleep in which he clung to Kaoru like a child to a toy they wanted at Christmas. Kaoru didn't move for another five minutes or so, just rubbing Die's back and staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds in the rest of the house. Finally, he gave Die another, harder shake. "Baby," he whispered, not wanting to let him sleep only to hopefully spare him being wide awake on the flight.

Die blinked himself awake, peering up at Kaoru sleepily. "Hnn... how long?" he asked, words slurring a bit. Kaoru kissed the top of Die's head. "About an hour or so." He squeezed him tight in a hug and then kissed him again before pulling away and rolling out of bed, giving a long groan as he stretched.

Die rubbed at his eyes and sighed softly. "Sorry I'm so tired... just... wasn't getting much sleep for the past while." He sat up and stretched, popping his back a few times. He winced a few moments after, rubbing his bladder. "Beer went through. Gotta pee." 

Kaoru sort of snickered, nodding. "I'm gonna go sit in the living room. When you're done, I guess we'll go out on the lake?"

He nodded, getting up and going to go to the bathroom. This time he remembered the bathroom shoes and got them on before going in. After relieving himself, he padded out to the living room to find Kaoru. He was perched on the arm of one of the sofas, both of which had been moved from their usual positions facing each other on either side of the coffee table to form a wide V facing the TV, which was usually hidden behind a sliding screen. He was obviously more entertained by his father and brother-in-law watching football than the game itself. Seeing Die, he stood up, jerking his head towards the back door and going out onto the porch.

Die just smiled, heading off toward the back porch, changing shoes yet again once he got there. Something about football made him want to get out of there as fast as he possibly could.

Kaoru went across the grass, Makoto running along beside him before veering off and chasing a squirrel. Heading down the dock, Kaoru looked at the boat wearily for the moment before stepping in, having to sit down quickly - a controlled fall, really - before he pitched forward into the water.

Die chuckled softly, getting in carefully and reaching to untie the boat from the dock, giving them a good push away from it before settling down. "Any ideas what you're doing or should we switch places?" 

Kaoru snickered, starting the motor. "I was always good at this part. Just not the fishing or the standing in the boat part." He slowly cruised them away from the dock before speeding up, heading across the lack towards the small island, maybe an acre or two in size, that Tadashi had pointed out before.

"Mmm... well, driving the boat seems fun, so hopefully it is." Die lounged back, enjoying the ride happily. 

Kaoru gave a little smirk, aiming for the island and cutting the engine as they neared it, gliding in. He grabbed the paddle to get them in until the boat touched sand before he rolled up his jeans and hopped out rather gracelessly, tugging the boat up onto the shore and then extending a hand for Die.

Die let out a gleeful little laugh before he followed him out, being more careful about it, using Kaoru's hand to steady himself. "This seems like it's going to be fun." Kaoru sort of blushed, shrugging with a laugh, strolling around the sandy shoreline, looking around. "I love it out here. I'd take the boat sometimes when I was feeling particularly angsty and just stay out here and think."

Die glanced over at him, suddenly thinking that there was a reason why Tadashi had told Kaoru to take him out there. Licking his lips a little, he reached for Kaoru's hand after he'd tied the boat up. 

Kaoru smiled softly, swinging their hands and throwing a little line of water with his big toe, looking back at their footprints beside each other. He hugged more against Die's side and rounded a point on the island, walking a ways further before stopping. Two hammocks had been rigged up close together just up into the woods from the beach, the undergrowth cleared out around them, and the view from this side of the island was out across the huge lake, the sun starting to dip towards the horizon.

Die followed along, looking happy and somewhat relaxed. When he saw the hammocks, he grinned. "Oh yeah, this looks _wonderful_ ," he murmured.

Kaoru went to a hammock and settled down in it, just sitting for the time being. "It will be good for us to have some nice relax time together before this trip. With the stress alone of being everywhere and doing a shit ton of stuff and being in close quarters, we'll probably fight. God help if something actually happens to fight about." He rolled his eyes a little, knowing it would happen if they were friends or brothers or what-have-you; the situation in general would get very irritating at times, he knew from travelling with an assistant before, but hopefully it would be easier with Die.

Die made a face and then nodded, crawling into his hammock and laying back with his arms under his head. "I don't want to fight and I hope there won't be anything to fight over." But with them and Kyo in the same place, who knew. 

Kaoru lay back, swinging a little. "I hope not, too, but... well. Just in case. Maybe if we get mad at each other, or just in a bad mood, we can think back to this."

"Maybe we can like... go do things separately for a bit if we get mad or something?" 

Kaoru sort of chuckled. "When I storm out of the hotel, remember you suggested that." 

Die winced a little. "Yeah... okay... so we should tack on promising we'll at least let the other know where we went. How's that?" 

Kaoru shrugged. "I'll try to recall that, though typically, if I storm out, it's just because I need to walk and blow off some steam, not really go anywhere, per say."

Die nodded and leaned back again, not wanting to close his eyes just in case he decided to fall asleep. "So... what's the schedule like exactly?" 

Kaoru puffed out his cheeks, reaching across the little gap between hammocks for Die's hand. "Gah. I can't even think of it all. Fly in, sleep the first day, next afternoon, just... photos all over Tokyo. Interviewing people the next day, just people on the streets and stuff. Three shows, not including Kyo's. A band interview. A tattoo artist agreed to let me photograph a session and do a short interview. My granddad. Clubbing. Ridiculous, really. Even the fun stuff is work."

Die laughed softly, taking his hand. "Well, I'm sure we'll figure it out and do well enough. It does sound really busy though." 

"Incredibly. I'm used to it by now, I've sort of worked out this pace with it, but I'll give you the warning now that as ‘assistant’, you'll mostly be helping me carry shit and running to get food and stuff." He sighed and draped a leg over the edge of the hammock to start swinging it more. "Let's not talk about it now, though... we'll stress when we get to it."

Die nodded a little. He figured he could handle that, as long as 'getting food' involved lots of good luck on where the hell he was going. That or lots of help from Kyo. 

Kaoru rubbed the back of Die's hand, watching a flock of geese slowly cruise across the sky, dipping down to skim across the water. "I'm really happy I get to be the one to take you to Japan for the first time. I feel like that's something really special. I want to share it with you."

"I'm really glad we can go together too." He hadn't really said so, but it was kind of important to him that they do it rather than him just going. Granted, he adored Kyo and his offer to go with him and he would have had a good time with him, too. But something about going with Kaoru made it more of a bond that he really ought to share with his lover. 

Kaoru smiled, relaxed, looking up through the trees at the clear blue sky. Die squeezed his hand, turning his face up to the little bit of sun shining through the leaves and allowed the heat to soak in. After a few minutes, he murmured, "Sometimes I just want to get away from it all and come to someplace like this. I think... we should more often. Find a place of our own to get away from it all." Kaoru thought about it for a while, thinking maybe it was a good idea. "We could go hiking more often? Make weekends out of it, maybe."

Die nodded. "I like that idea. Or camping sometime or something." 

A little nod and Kaoru carefully shifted in the hammock to lie on his side, facing Die. "We can make this work, can't we?"

Die turned his head to watch him and nodded. "Yeah... if we work at it and we're both working toward it, then yes." 

Kaoru's grip on Die's hand tightened nearly to the point of pain, his eyes pleading. "You know that, for all my stupidity and the bullshit, that I love you, more than anything else, right?"

Die squeezed back, giving him a small nod. "I do. And you know for all the pain I've been through, that I wouldn't be here with you through this if I didn't care about you a hell of a lot." 

Kaoru rubbed his nose a little and looked down at that. "One day, I'll find a way to make it up to you."

"You already are, Kaoru. You may not realize it, but you already are." He gave him a sad little smile. 

Kaoru sighed and fell silent for a while, swinging on the hammock gently before getting up, walking around Die, and carefully laying in the same hammock with his lover, cupped against his side.

Die shifted enough to let Kaoru in and curled his arms around him, snuggling in. Gently he kissed the side of Kaoru's head. "I love you, Kaoru." 

Kaoru lifted up a little, craning his neck and fitting his lips to Die's in a slow kiss before laying his head back down and stroking idly along his lover's side, looking out over the water from his wonderful new spot.

He kissed him back until Kaoru chose to end the kiss, smiling softly at him. "You're my everything," Die murmured. 

Kaoru closed his eyes for a moment, purring. "And you're mine, baby, you know that."

Die gave a little nod and gently kissed his lover's head again. Silently, he looked out on the lake, letting go of so many emotions while he lay there, letting them flit off with the slight breeze. 

Kaoru lay beside Die, enjoying the peace and the view, watching the angle of the light change and the sun slowly started to sink farther toward the horizon. He knew he could spend the rest of his life like this, the knowledge settled inside him somewhere and there was no jolt of panic, just calmness, acceptance, contentment. He knew he would never stop loving Die; that a life together, for all their clashing, would ultimately be rewarding and wonderful, that the love would always be stronger than everything else. He snuggled a little more against the redhead and quietly asked, "Do you believe in soul mates?"

Die nodded. "I do." He took in a deep breath of the air and let it out in a soft sound. 

Kaoru picked a piece of fuzz of Die's shirt and let it drop to the ground. "What about twin flames?"

Die shook his head. "Never heard of it." 

Kaoru blushed a little. "Well... I was bored on the internet, and I was looking up stuff about soul mates and past lives and stuff and most people I guess believe that there's soul mates, which can be more than one person, and it's people you've shared past lives with, and then there's your ‘twin flame’, like, your other half."

Die tilted his head. "I think I like that idea. It leaves it more open." Mostly he really liked it because he felt close to both Kaoru and Kyo and he didn't like having to admit that, not in the least. In all honesty, he thought it was nice to have something he could compare he and Kaoru to that left him feeling less like he was a total asshole. 

Kaoru was somewhat unclear on how to interpret Die's response. Biting his lip a little, he hesitantly asked, "Do you think we might be either of those?"

Die smiled, nodding. Without hesitation, he murmured, "I think twin flames should cover it. I'm glad to know I can have more than one soul mate." 

Kaoru sort of laughed. "Me, too, honestly. Sita and I have always had this weird connection, she was the first person I thought about when I read the idea that soul mates are more like your spiritual family."

Die smiled, sliding one thigh in between Kaoru's. "Kyo and I were so fast to get along... just like you and me... and I'm glad there's an explanation that fits everything." 

Kaoru ran his fingers in patterns over Die's chest, humming. "I..." He took a breath, starting again. "I'm glad you came back. I'm glad we can make this work. If things get bad, I know that without you, I just wouldn't have the strength to fight. I'd die if I didn't have you."

He gave him a little watery smile, kissing his temple again. "I know... I had to come back, Kaoru. I feel lost without you." 

A pleasant shiver ran through Kaoru at the simple gesture of affection. "I was, too."

Die kept him snuggled close. "I hope we never go through that again." 

Kaoru's brow furrowed and he pressed his ear to Die's chest, listening to his heart. "It won't, I swear. I was just so tangled up and angry and scared, and I thought I was sparing you by pushing you away."

"Don't ever think that again, okay? Please?" He gave Kaoru a pleading look. 

"I promised you, I won't." He pressed his nose against Die's throat and smelled him, sighing it back out. "You smell so good... when you were gone, I'd sniff your t-shirts just to try and calm myself down."

Die let out a soft laugh. "Mmm... do I really smell that different than you?" 

Kaoru nodded. "Everyone has their own smell. Yours is like... a sedative for me. Calms me down."

"Am I like a drug then?" His eyes glittered with something close to amusement. 

Kaoru sort of scoffed. "Better addicted to you than blow, right?"

"Oh yes, very much." Die bit his lip for a moment and then just couldn't hold it back. "Are you addicted to my girl jizz?" 

Kaoru's head popped up and he gave Die a funny look, feeling like the conversation had flipped. He cocked a brow. "Not so much that. Your pussy in general. Moreover, just you. All of you." He gave a little smirk before lying back down, rubbing Die's stomach.

Die blushed darkly, reaching a hand up to run over his nose. "Couldn't help it... sorry. I'm a pervert, what can I say?" He shrugged just a little and swallowed, determined not to say anything else raunchy for the duration of the conversation.

"Will you play guitar for me sometime?" Kaoru slipped right back into the sweeter, sillier stuff, his fingers playing over his lover's shoulder and arm.

"Mmm... sure. If I can even remember where I packed it away at." If it had even come with him from the apartment. He'd left all his shit behind in such haste that he'd lost a lot of things. 

"It's stood up in the case in the guest room closet."

Die blinked. Well okay then. At least someone kept track of his shit. "Good. I was kind of worried I left it at my apartment." 

Kaoru shook his head. "I made sure you had it with us when we moved. You told me you play, but I've never heard you."

"Yeah... I haven't picked it up since we moved in together... not sure why not. I guess I just haven't thought about it." He shrugged slightly and yawned. 

Leaving it at that, Kaoru stopped prodding Die with questions and just laid there for a while longer. "I guess we should head back, maybe cruise around the lake for a while instead of going straight to the dock. The nearest food place is about forty minutes out, so they'll probably want to go and get pizza by the time we get back and I'm pretty sure I'll be the one driving."

Die yawned again and nodded. "Yeah, we should probably head back... before I fall asleep especially." He laughed. "It's so peaceful out here, I just can't help it." 

Kaoru chuckled and carefully climbed out of the hammock, waiting on Die before he started around the other side of the island, wanting to circle the whole thing before they left.

Die climbed out after him, padding along. "Mmm... I'm glad your parents live out here." 

"Mm, me, too. It's like a little retreat. I got jaded about it living here, but coming to visit them, it's always really nice." A boat went past not far off the island and he waved, tucking his hands into his pockets and walking back around to the boat, untying it.

"It's calming and just somehow makes all my stress not matter at the moment." Die offered a slight shrug. "I know it'll come back, but it's a nice break." 

Kaoru gave Die a hand into the boat and pushed it back off the shore into the water, wading in and then hopping into the boat with a bit more ease than before. He started the motor and began to traverse the lake, out towards the very middle of it.

Die settled into the boat and lazily watched Kaoru as he started to go toward the center of the lake. He shifted a tiny bit and peered out over the edge with a smirk. Kaoru took him out, just sort of zigzagging back towards their cove, taking his time and wanting Die to see the lake.

Die alternated between staring down into the water and looking out across the lake toward various things. He loved this in a lot of ways and it made him happy to know Kaoru was taking the time to do it for him. 

Once they were back at the dock, Kaoru tied it up and stepped out, having to put his knee down on the dock first, before turning and offering his hand to Die.

Die took his hand, using it as a way to get out. Once he was on dry land, he wavered a little and chuckled. "Sea legs without the sea!" 

Kaoru laughed at him, tucking his arm tight around Die's waist, walking back towards the house. Makoto trotted up to them, a big stick in his teeth, obviously his new chew toy for the time being.

Die leaned into him, smiling happily. When Makoto came to them, he laughed. "Got a new toy, boy? Yes? Yes? Yes!" He reached down and tugged it a little. Makoto growled, thrashing his head and biting down on the stick, tugging it back. Kaoru nearly doubled over laughing, watching them fight with it.

Die let out a growl of his own, yanking back, but not hard enough to take it from the pup, just wanting to play. He dropped to his knees and took each side of it with his hands, pulling. Kaoru shook his head at them, stopping and watching them.

After a few more times of yanking and growling, Die rolled over and Makoto bounded up onto his stomach, tail wagging a million miles an hour. Die ruffled his fur and grinned. He made a kissy face at him and then snatched the stick away, tossing it across the yard, Makoto tearing after it. He got up and dusted himself off, smirking. "Love that dog to pieces." 

Kaoru chuckled, leaning to kiss Die's cheek. "Mm, I know you do. I do, too." He started towards the house again, leaving his shoes at the door. 

Die followed suit, feeling like he was doing a lot of that today. But then, it was kind of Kaoru's area and he felt like he should follow rather than lead for certain. 

Sachiko waddled across the living room towards them, grinning. "We're about to call pizza in and I'm pretty much kidnapping you two to go with me to pick it up."

Die smiled at her, nodding a little. "Sure thing." 

Sachiko moved towards the front door, getting the keys from Nick with a kiss. She went out and slipped her shoes on, going down the stairs with a little difficulty, Kaoru right behind her. She handed him the keys. "You drive. We'll take my SUV." Kaoru nodded and went to the big Suburban, watching with concern as she had some trouble climbing into the passenger seat and then waiting for Die.

Die went out the back way, getting his flip-flops and then coming around to meet them at the car. He climbed into the back and settled down in the seat, closing the door. He tugged on the seatbelt and smiled. 

Sachiko turned herself sideways in the seat so that she could talk to both of them. She poked Kaoru's arm and stuck her tongue out. "I never get to see my big brother anymore, and I barely know my future brother-in-law, I figured it would be good for us to have an hour or so together." Kaoru smiled, backing up and heading back across the bridge.

“Sounds wonderful to me," Die murmured. "I want to get to know you even better, for certain." He ran a hand through his hair and then grinned widely at her. 

She smiled back at him, holding Kaoru's hand as he drove. "You're so cute, I love that Kaoru has you. Seung was a mega-douche, honestly. I was kind of afraid Kaoru would always pick guys that were bad for him, but you're such a winner. Somebody I'd actually _want_ in my family."

Die absolutely beamed at that. "Aww... well... thank you," he murmured, ducking his head a little. 

Sachi winked. "Asa loves you, so I can't not like you, too. You're definitely already Uncle Die to her." 

Kaoru looked at his sister with gratitude in his eyes and kissed the back of her hand affectionately.

"She's so adorable. I love her to death." Shifting a little, Die managed to cross one leg over the other and lean back a bit. 

Sachiko eyed over Kaoru's tattoos, tracing the lines with her fingers. "So, what are you into? What's your story? I mean, I know you're an artist and transsexual or whatever, but I really don't know what you're all about."

Die blinked. He had no idea really how to answer that question except to try to sum himself up. "Um... I like fishing, my family sucks, I have a total of one friend on this planet, I'm probably the biggest pervert you'll ever meet, and I actually do like cooking." He paused for a moment. "I hate watching sports, love playing with the dog, little kids are amazing, but I didn't know that until Asako, and I collect odd things. More of a sex toy collection than anything. I have an entire drawer of odds and ends like paperclips and thumbtacks and thimbles and erasers, shit like that in all shapes, colors, and sizes. And I end up collecting stuff of whatever thing I'm most into at the time... like how much of Kyo's stuff I have from over the years." 

Sachi giggled at the admission of his sex toy collection, Kaoru sort of smirking. Turning on the car stereo, Sachi dug through her little book of CDs, pulling one out and sliding it into the player. As soon as the first song started, Kaoru sort of groaned, looking at her. "Why do you always try to bring out my raging queen?" 

Sachiko wrinkled her nose at him and leaned to kiss his cheek. "Because I always wanted a sister," she teased before starting to sing along to Beyonce, complete with sassy hand gestures. 

Kaoru blushed but after a few moments of hesitation, joined her. 

Die just sat in the back, watching them, his eyebrows arched slightly. He didn't know the song, but that wasn't all that surprising given his taste in music versus most of the rest of the people's in the world. He settled back again and then pulled out his phone, finally texting Kyo. _Meant to tell you, the video was super hot._

Kyo texted back immediately, amused. _I thought you'd like it. My baby's fierce. He should still be here when you're here. Kaoru wasn't huffy about it, was he?_

Kaoru and Sachiko were still singing like crazy in the front seat. _Um... no. I am a dumbass though. But that's not unusual._ He sent it and made a little face, thinking about how he'd thought Kaoru was honestly mad at him about being horny over it. That had been royally stupid.

 _How are you a dumbass, exactly?_

Kaoru kept trying to meet Die's eyes in the rear view, singing over dramatically to him.

Die glanced up and smirked at Kaoru before typing away at his phone. _It made me horny, so I was trying not to show it and he decided to bring spanking into our relationship (which I'm happy with) but um... he did it like... in character... and I thought he was actually mad at me for being horny from it, so I kinda had an episode._

_Well that's... interesting? Fea cut me during sex yesterday. That was fucking amazing. Then he freaked out because I kept bleeding._

Die face-palmed and then chuckled. _Looks like we both have issues with the SOs._ He sent it and shook his head a little, rolling his eyes. _Where'd he cut you?_ He always found that part of Kyo entirely fascinating. 

_My chest, across an old scar. I'm fine, he just cut a little deep. I wasn't concerned, but he totally flipped out and thought I was gonna die._

Sachiko turned around and reached to tug gently on Die's hair. "Hey hey, texting is for anti-social people." She turned down the music and then looked between them both. "So... seriously, what's your sex life like?"

Die squeaked a little when his hair was tugged. He laughed a moment later. "I can do both at once, I swear!" He texted Kyo back real quick. _Is he brave enough to lick up the blood?_ He couldn't help it and he imagined Kyo's shocked face and then possibly a laugh from him before he shut the phone and gave Sachiko a look that clearly said he wasn't expecting that. "Kinky… amazing... what do you want to know?" 

Kaoru was bright red, letting Die answer for the time being. Sachiko kind of giggled. "Well, I mean... you still have your uh... your baby canal, right?" She looked at Kaoru, then back at Die. "...Do you use it? Or do you just kind of ignore it?"

Die gave a little nod and then laughed. "Oohh... Kaoru made me like myself the way I am rather than hate it." That answered it without being lewd and saying Kaoru fucked the shit out of it. 

Sachiko looked at her brother, obviously shocked. "So... does this make you bi? Are you always on top?" 

Kaoru blushed more. "Sachi! This is kind of embarrassing, having you ask me about this stuff." 

"I'll leave that to him..." it being his sexuality and all, "but no, he's not always on top." 

Kaoru wouldn't say a word, bright red by now. 

Sachiko rolled her eyes, taking that as her answer and then looking back at Die. "So like... how does it work the other way? Kinda like lesbians, or what?" 

Kaoru baulked at that. "Sachiko!" 

Die shrugged. "Kinda, I guess." He reached to pat Kaoru on the shoulder. "She's just curious." He winked at her and sat back. "I have a strap-on... two, actually." 

"Die!" Kaoru groaned, embarrassed, but Sachiko ignored him and gave Die a wide, conspiratorial grin. 

"How big are they?" 

Die demonstrated with his hands, leaving his cell phone in his lap to give the measurements. "About like this, and this big around. The other one's longer." Sachiko was a fit of giggles, slapping Kaoru's arm when he made a little groan. "It's interesting to me! It's like you're a lesbian now! Or a straight woman, I can't decide."

Her brother gave her his best glare but she ignored it, returning her attention to Die. "Did you have sex with guys before, or women?" Die blinked. "Men. I've been with one woman, but..." he shrugged, "not my thing." 

Sheepishly, Kaoru piped in, " _I_ thought it was hot." 

Die laughed. "It was and I didn't mind it... I mean, it got me off. But it's just not something I'd go chasing after." 

Kaoru sort of gave Die an unreadable, vaguely hot look in the mirror. "I'd kind of like to see Ainsley again, though..." 

Sachiko just looked between them both, not asking.

Die studied him for a moment and then nodded. "I have her number."

Kaoru bit his lip. "I'd really like to talk to her about her art."

Die could have burst out laughing at that. Sure he did. He was pretty sure he wanted to talk to her about more than that, but he wouldn't say that right here. He uncrossed his legs and tugged at his pants a little. "When we come back I'll call her up."

Kaoru gave a nod. Of course he still wanted to have sex with Ainsley, just to see what it was really like, but he was also very interested in her art. 

Sachiko still didn't pry, getting the impression it was probably a story that would go beyond her comfort zone. Instead, she looked Die over for a moment and then met his eyes. "You won't break his heart like Seung did, right?"

Die looked shocked and then shook his head. "No way. I won't break him in any other way either." He made a face, thinking of Kaoru's stories. "I think I broke Seung's nose, though..." 

Sachiko got an excited look in her eyes. "You _what_?" 

Kaoru looked at Die proudly. "We were at a bar and Seung was there. He was trying to give me shit and Die clocked him." 

"Damn right I did. Fucking asshole deserved more than that." Die glowered at the floorboard for a moment and then shrugged. "Whatever... I gave him what I could without trouble."

Sachiko's eyes softened into a look of gratitude. "You'd better really be sticking around."

"I am... I promise." She gave a satisfied nod and Kaoru reached his hand into the backseat, finding Die's knee and squeezing it. Die smiled at Kaoru and then at Sachiko. "So what about you... what kind of things do you enjoy?" 

"Not being pregnant for one thing," she blurted out, then laughed. "I make ceramics, and teach an art class at a private grammar school. I'm addicted to working out, which is why it's killing me, not being able to really move around now, and I have an organic garden, which I also can't really take care of until after the baby comes." She shrugged. "I'm a pretty typical raised-wealthy girl, I guess."

"Must run in the family," Die murmured softly and then tried to smile. "Art class sounds like something fun with kids... are you still teaching right now?" 

Sachi shook her head. "This was my last week, I'm supposed to be on bed rest. I probably won't be back until next semester, after the winter holidays."

Die nodded a little. "Maybe can I come by sometime when you do go back to teaching?" 

Sachiko smiled. "I'll see about it. I do a project with magazine clippings and advertisements; I think it would work to bring you in for that."

Die's face lit up and he grinned. "I'd be happy to." 

Kaoru drove into the small town, pulling up at a pizza place and hopping out, taking the cash he'd been given and going in to get the three pizzas they'd ordered and a large box of bread sticks. Sachiko sat in the car with Die. "I know it's probably weird to think, since you didn't know him before, but... he's so much better with you. He's changed and he's happier and more confident and I really think it's all because of you."

Die looked over at her, studying her quietly for a minute before murmuring, "You really think so? Sometimes I wonder if I'm not making things harder...." 

Sachi shook her head. "No, he used to be really distant and closed off, even to us, and he's just... I mean, I can tell right now maybe something is sort of tense? But still... he's so much better with you." She shut up when Kaoru opened the back door of the Suburban and put the food on the seat next to Die, having bought some of the dessert pastries as well and a two-liter soda, setting them on the floor board. He climbed into the front seat and then headed back towards the house.

Die didn't say anything else, not wanting to give away what they'd been talking about. He simply picked up the soda and held it so it didn't go rolling around and get all fizzed up. 

Sachiko cleared her throat. "So, mom said you guys were probably going to wait a few years to get married? Maybe Asa could be like a flower girl or something?" 

Kaoru's eyes lit up. "I would love that." 

Die lifted his head and smiled. "Yeah, that'd be awesome. I'm sure she'd like it."

"I was trying to explain it to her more while you guys were out on the lake. I mean, she's only one, so there's only so much she can really get, but I think she finally understood that you're getting married and that you'll be a part of the family now and she seems really excited."

"Yeah, I wasn't too sure how to get that across... something you get with time having a kiddo, I guess." Die laughed softly. 

She smiled, pushing some of her hair, cut into a sleek bob, back behind an ear. "Do you want kids?"

Die blinked a little. "Yeah, we do." He put one hand on his stomach. "My parts never worked in the first place and now they're all gone... but... um..." he glanced at Kaoru and then back at his sister, "they froze some of my eggs... doctor said it was a precaution in case I ever got upset that I wanted a child of my own." 

A little smile played across her lips and she nodded, turning back around to face forward, rubbing over her own distended stomach. "Good. I hope it works. You'd make really gorgeous babies." Kaoru was pink across his high cheeks again.

Die bit his lip for a moment and then chanced it. "You know... the hard part is gonna be finding someone who'll carry it... you know, if it does work at all. There's a chance my eggs are like... no good." 

Kaoru laughed. "I'll butter Sita up to it, don't worry. She's sterile, anyway, I think she'd enjoy having the opportunity to surrogate for us."

Die laughed. "Sounds good to me. We could make her come live with us or something." 

"Ramesh will have a fucking fit, but we'll figure something out. It's still a ways off." He paused and then kept talking. "I don't know if they're going to be married much longer."

Die looked up, startled by that. "Why? What's going on?" Kaoru sort of shrugged. "Well, it was sort of an arranged thing. They liked each other, so they agreed to it, but he's just... he's kind of an asshole. Sita is too free; she's not the submissive wife he wanted. They're trying to maybe work it out, but... it isn't going too well."

Die pulled a little face. "She shouldn't have to bend just because that's what he wants. But I guess I give them props for at least trying." 

Kaoru gave another shrug. "It will be hard for both of them if they have to dissolve the marriage; their families are pretty traditional and they'd both get shunned for it. Already, Sita was being pushed to get married by her family. So... there's a chance if it falls apart, she might have to come live with us for a while, anyway."

Die winced and then nodded. "The office is a good guest room... just so long as if she has to stay longer than a week or so, she pitches in with stuff." Kaoru nodded. "Yeah, of course. I hope everything works out for her and maybe she'll get the house if they split up, though.”

He nodded a little. "I hope it works out the way it's meant to." 

Sachi frowned a little, pulling up Facebook on her phone quickly and sending a poke Sita's way, not having seen the other in years, now. 

Kaoru put his hand into the back seat again, palm up, waiting for Die to take it.

Die reached forward and took it, clinging to his fingertips. He wanted to say something about how there seemed to be lots of relationship woes, but he didn't want to give away that they'd had any issues. 

Kaoru held onto Die's hand for the rest of the drive, Sachi talking about baby names and trying to get the nursery ready and maybe buying another house with three bedrooms, all domestic plans for a life with children and a husband in a community that was accepting of them and involved with each other. Kaoru found himself a little envious, but just hoped one day he and Die could have that, too.

Die listened, occasionally interjecting with an idea or an opinion, especially on the names and nursery ideas. He kept eying her stomach. "Is there something you want for the baby when we go to Japan?" 

"Oooh!" She thought for a while, sort of shrugging. "Just something from Japan in general. A mobile, a blanket, a toy, anything, just something from Japan for him would be really nice."

Die nodded. "I'll get something as your gift for him." He tilted his head a little. "Aren't you gonna do a baby shower?" 

Sachiko shrugged. "I'm not really sure yet. I honestly don't think I want to. Just keep it nice and quiet and peaceful, maybe have a little something once he's born."

"I guess that'd work better anyway. Then we can buy for the actual size of him and maybe even plan a little ahead... like each person buys the next month up of stuff or something." 

She chuckled a little. "Audrey's baby clothes are pretty unisex, so I've got a year's worth of stuff I can reuse, too."

"Makes sense. The one time I did a baby shower, I bought yellow and green so that they'd be useful for a girl or a boy." Another smile. 

Kaoru started slowly over the bridge, encountering Makoto about fifty feet onto it on the island side. He stopped and just gave his dog a stare, Makoto looking back at the car with some confusion before turning around and running off toward the house again, Kaoru continuing over the bridge and parking behind his car once more. Getting out, he went around to help Sachi down, knowing she was doing more than she should, activity wise, and not wanting her to stress herself too much.

Die peered out at the dog. "Um... dumbass doesn't understand the street obviously." He frowned a little. Wasn't that how most dogs got killed? 

"Well, it's not like he could have gone to the side on the bridge." He opened up the back door and started grabbing all of the food, balancing pizza boxes.

"True, but why was he on it in the first place?" He shrugged, getting out, carrying the soda and then going ahead to open the door to the house for them. 

Kaoru kicked his shoes off, shrugging. "Exploring, maybe? He heard the car and knew it was us coming back? I dunno... silly dog." He took the pizza and everything to the kitchen, where Tadashi and Miyuki jumped apart like they hadn't just been making out like teenagers. 

Kaoru snickered behind a hand; in all honesty, he loved that his parents acted so young with each other, it was something he admired about their relationship and strove to have for himself one day. Miyuki wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and grabbed some paper plates and plastic cups. "We decided on _Up_. I suppose when everyone's got food, we can sit in the living room and start it." 

Die ditched his shoes and followed him in, closing the door well behind him. He had to grin at the way they jumped apart, not saying anything though. But it made him feel a little better that he had issues keeping his hands to himself when he was around people he figured didn't want to be seeing them make out. 

Silently, he moved past Tadashi, holding up his hand for a high five, smirking a bit as Miyuki tried to seem discreet, like she was scratching her back, while quickly hooking her bra back through her shirt. Tadashi blushed a little, pushing his hair back from his face and quickly tapping Die's palm with a tight smirk, trying to hold back a big grin. 

Kaoru poured two cups of soda, taking one to Die and kissing his jaw with a little peck, still snickering at his parents, who went into the living room to get the movie ready to play, everyone else filing into the kitchen to get plates and drinks.

Die chuckled, accepting the soda from Kaoru, reaching to ruffle his hair for no good reason. 

Something about it all was amusing as hell to Kaoru and he kissed him again, this time on the mouth, before getting himself a plate and going into the living room. 

Tadashi and Miyuki were on one couch with Asako between them, Nick and Sachiko on the other. Kaoru grabbed some zabuton from the corner and dragged two of the large cushions between the couches, setting on the floor with his plate of pizza in his lap.

Die got some pizza and a pastry, going into the living room with Kaoru and sitting on the other cushion. He put his plate on his lap and started eating one slice. 

Tadashi hit play and dimmed the lights in the room, the sun going down outside the glass doors. Kaoru snuggled up close to Die and ate slowly, watching the first fifteen minutes of the movie and nearly in tears from the start.

Die frowned at the screen, letting Kaoru lean on him while he ate his pizza quietly. The movie was actually really sad so far and he kind of wondered why an animated film was this depressing. 

Kaoru heard a little sniff and looked behind him; his parents had scoot close together on either side of Asako, holding hands tightly. He turned back to the TV and frowned a little, laying his cheek on Die's shoulder for a moment.

Die put down the remains of his pizza and reached to hug Kaoru with one arm. 

Kaoru snuggled up to his side, leaning his head on Die's shoulder as he finished eating. Another twenty minutes or so into the movie, he got up and collected plates and cups, going to toss them out before coming back and sitting next to Die again. 

Asako climbed down from the couch and crawled in between them, sitting up and watching the screen with a look of total enrapture.

Die shifted enough to let Kaoru get up and then started to move right back against him. He paused when Asako came down to sit with them, letting her crawl in between and then putting his arm around her, smiling as he re-focused on the screen. She sucked her thumb and leaned into him, holding Kaoru's hand on her other side, gurgling happily at the giant bird and the talking dog, Kaoru all smiles just at her reactions.

Die stroked over the little girl's hair, thinking to himself how much he really truly did want kids in his life and how happy he was that Kaoru wanted it too. She snuggled more into him, happy to be getting affection. Kaoru scooted a little closer and put her in his lap, hugging Die around the waist so they could both cuddle with Asa and each other. He knew they would make good parents, and the thought of having a child of their own was thrilling.

Die grinned, making sure they were thigh-to-thigh. His arm slid around Kaoru's waist and he took Asako's hand, gently playing with her little fingers. Asa bounced in Kaoru's lap, holding onto Die's fingers as she watched the end of the movie, getting sleepier. By the time the credits were rolling, she was half-asleep between them.

Die smiled softly, gently lifting her from Kaoru's lap into his arms and smoothly standing up. "Where should I put her to sleep?" he murmured softly. 

Sachiko stood up, kissing her forehead. "Her crib is already set up in the guest room. Her blanket and stuffed bunny are in there, too."

Gently moving around everyone, he wandered off toward the guest room and then gently laid her down in the crib. He covered her gently and placed the bunny in her arms, staying with her, murmuring quiet happy words, until her grasp on his finger slipped off and she breathed deeply in sleep. Smiling, he left the room, quietly closing the door and headed back to the living room. 

Kaoru put his arms around Die's neck when he was back in the living room, kissing him. Pulling back, he offered Die a glass of blush wine before going out onto the back porch with his own, intent to smoke a cigarette now that it was nearly full dark outside and the moon was sparkling off the lake.

Die took the offered wine, trailing after him with a dorky smile on his face. "I love you, baby," he murmured softly. 

Kaoru gave a soft smile, settling down on the edge of the porch and lighting a cigarette. "Love you, too, pumpkin."

Die leaned against the rail and lit up as well, running his hand over his face before yawning. 

Kaoru stretched and snuggled up to Die, hugging him around the waist. "It's still kind of early, and I want to be able to sleep on the flight. Don't get tired on me now!" He chuckled a little and nuzzled Die's cheek. "This time tomorrow, we'll be over the Pacific."

"Baby... I've been tired for weeks, honestly." He gave him a small smile and leaned into his arms. "I'll be able to sleep, trust me." 

Kaoru kissed his jaw again, smoking his cigarette. "Do you remember what I told you I'd make sure to do as soon as we were in Tokyo?" He grinned devilishly. If Die didn't recall, it would make it a surprise.

Die thought about it and he honestly couldn't remember. He knew they were to go to a temple at some point, show him around, and he thought he'd said something about liking to be naked in the sheets. But other than that, he couldn't recall. "No idea," he murmured. Kaoru smirked. "Mm. It will be a surprise, then."

He let out a soft chuckle. "Yeah, it will be." Kaoru finished his cigarette and ground it out in the ashtray, looking out across the water. 

Miyuki stepped out and went over to him, cupping his face and bringing it down to kiss his forehead. "We're heading to bed, I think. I'll do brunch tomorrow with the fish before you have to go." He smiled and nodded, kissing her cheek. "Alright. Goodnight." She patted his cheek and gave a little finger wave to Die, going back inside. 

Die stood back, watching them interact, a tiny smile on his lips. He waved back to Miyuki, a kind of flick of his wrist and slight bob of his head. "Night." 

Kaoru tugged Die back into his arms, watching the lights go out in the house as everyone head off to bed, the hall night light and the light over the sink on for them.

Die leaned on him, closing his eyes and just enjoying the warmth of his lover's arms and the cigarette as he pulled in the nicotine. "Wine and cigarettes don't really go well together," he commented. 

"You think so? I like it." Kaoru shrugged and finished his glass, waiting for Die to finish his cigarette so they could go back inside. "I guess maybe we should just head to bed? Maybe stay up and read or something if we want?"

Die was tempted to make a comment about staying up and letting him blow him, but he didn't. The walls were a little thin around the edges and he didn't want to seem naggy anyway. He stubbed out his cigarette and picked up the wine, downing the rest of the glass. "Yeah, I should probably check my email again before we go anyway." 

Kaoru took Die's glass and headed inside, washing both quickly before going into the bedroom, closing the door and changing out of his clothes, digging naked through his bag for his pajamas.

Die went to the bathroom first and then came into the bedroom, closing the door once he'd entered, eying Kaoru's bottom with interest, licking his lips a little as he had a thought. A shiver ran though him and he immediately looked away. Right... no more of that. Control had to start somewhere and just because Kaoru and he had had sex for the first time in a long while recently didn't mean he had to become a total perv again. He knew he could deal with things himself and really he would have to a lot while they were in Japan, so he figured to start now. 

He quickly stripped down to boxer briefs and left it at that, slipping in between the sheets and tugging his bag over to get his laptop. Kaoru tugged on a pair of worn out grey pajama bottoms and leaned to kiss Die before going to the bathroom to get ready for bed, coming back a few minutes later, his face clean and teeth brushed. He turned on the lamps on either side of the bed and then turned off the main light, grabbing his book and curling up under the covers next to Die, opening to the marked page.

Die checked his emails and whatnot before finally muting the sound on his laptop and turning it just a little away from Kaoru so he wouldn't really see. This was dangerous territory, but he figured he could claim the need to use the bathroom and go get off. Silently, he opened up one of his folders and opened one of his favorite videos that made him incredibly horny faster than anything else he'd ever watched. 

Kaoru shifted a little and flipped a page, kissing Die's arm. He read a little more before looking up and then giving Die a look. He second-guessed himself and turned back to his book, not saying anything and trying to act like he hadn't noticed, seeing where it would go. Maybe Die was just watching for entertainment? He knew he sometimes watched porn because he was bored, not necessarily to get off.

Die didn't notice anything except the kiss to his arm, smiling a little at it and not really thinking of the implications it had that Kaoru would have been able to see his screen. The video ended and Die went to the next one, double-clicking it and watching as it started to play, displaying two men rubbing against one another, one of them with a sounding rod in their dick. Already he was wet, everything tingling with arousal, his cheeks ever so faintly flushed. He wanted to shift, to intensify the sensations, but he didn't want to let on that he was doing something to make him so horny. He pulled up another window and logged back into his email so he had something to cover his actions with if Kaoru happened to look before going back to the porn again. 

Finishing his chapter, Kaoru closed the book and set it aside, just lying on the bed, looking up at Die. "Baby?"

Die immediately clicked up the email window, closing the porn. "Yeah?" Great... had he been caught? Even with trying to be careful? 

Kaoru sighed softly. Thinking about it a moment, he leaned up and kissed Die's cheek. "Night." Rolling over, he turned off his light and pulled the covers up to his chin. 

Die closed his eyes and let him kiss him, murmuring, "Goodnight," to him as well before just turning off his laptop. Quietly, he closed it and put it in his bag. Okay, so maybe that had been a bad decision on his part. After all, there was probably something way too naughty about watching porn in Kaoru's parent's home. He really was horny, but he didn't think he had much of a choice now. If he got up Kaoru would know where he went. Something about his actions made it clear he'd seen though he at least didn't yell at Die about it. He slid down into the covers and tugged them up, lying on his side, facing Kaoru's back. "I love you," he murmured. 

Kaoru rolled a little toward him in the darkness, giving a smile Die couldn't see, humming. "Love you."

He gave a tiny sigh and scooted slightly closer, not wanting to give the impression he didn't want to be close to him. Now the only problem was getting to sleep with a raging girl-boner between his legs. 

Kaoru rolled over, shifting closer to Die and putting an arm over his side, getting comfortable.

Die bit down on his lip, eyes rolling back in his head. Not pushing his hips forward was difficult. Okay... that had been such a bad idea. It had been possibly _the worst_ idea he'd had in a while to watch porn with Kaoru right next to him. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on anything else. 

Kaoru rubbed his nose on Die's shoulder for a moment, half-asleep now.

Die waited quite a while, trying hard to sleep but failing miserably despite how tired he was simply because now he was horny as hell. When he thought Kaoru was asleep, he shifted his butt back a little bit, moving one hand down, slipping it inside his boxer briefs and slowly tugging at his lady dick. So maybe this was even more dangerous... but he could pretend to be scratching if Kaoru woke up... maybe. 

Kaoru didn't budge; the wine had made sure he was fast asleep.

It didn't take long for him to get more frantic about it, his head bowing as he worked himself, the tightness of orgasm pulling in his stomach. His hips moved a little, unable to stay still, his cheeks flushing hotly. When he came, he let out a strangled sort of grunting sound, hips moving while he tried hard not to be overly obvious. Warmth leaked into his boxer briefs and he knew it probably looked like he'd wet himself. 

At the sound, Kaoru sort of sighed, rolling onto his back. But after several seconds it was clear he was still asleep, completely unaware.

For a moment, Die sort of panicked. But when it became clear Kaoru was still asleep, Die let out a sigh and allowed himself to relax. He pulled his hand free of his underwear and slowly slid up to Kaoru's side, tucking himself there and closing his eyes. Finally he drifted off to sleep, his thoughts wandering around many things. 

In a half-conscious state, Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die, holding on tight to him.

**To Be Continued…**


	57. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, Mohini, tcharlatan

The next two days in Tokyo were all constant go, go, go. Kaoru walked everywhere, interviewing on the street and in music stores, taking photos constantly, trying to get a feel for the city from the eyes of its natives to really see what the scene was like, how it had changed from the year before. He had a few actual interviews, mostly short talks with tattoo artists, a club owner, and a fashion designer, and had gone to one festival show in a park.

On the fourth day, they checked out of their hotel and took a train to Nagoya, checking into a hotel there where Kaoru quickly went off for his interview with the tattoo artist, coming back some time later and flopping down onto the bed. "When are we meeting Kyo?" he asked, hoping naptime would be feasible between now and then. 

Die glanced up at Kaoru when he came back into the room, immediately making a beeline for the bed. He'd thankfully not had to go along for the last interview and he'd taken the time to start getting ready for the date. On the dresser were a bunch of flowers he'd purchased Kaoru, with a card that told him how much he loved him stuck in the middle. In front of it was a tiny box that held a small lucky cat with bells on it, a trinket he'd thought was cute. He was dressed up in the best clothing he'd packed; a button-up red silk shirt and black slacks that were probably a size too small but made him look like he actually had an ass. His boots were shined and on his feet already. He'd even bothered to put on some light makeup and done his hair up, teased and sprayed into something almost spikey. He smirked at his lover as he gingerly settled on the edge of a chair. 

"You have an hour and a half to get ready."

Kaoru kind of groaned, not even taking note of anything just then; not Die, nor the flowers, nothing but the covers, which his face was currently buried in. "Want to nap." He flopped over and stared at the ceiling. "Will you wake me up in thirty minutes? I just really need a quick rest."

Die gave a small arch of his eyebrow, but nodded. "Sure thing.” Pushing up his sleeve, he set the timer on his watch to go off in half an hour and then went back to checking his email. 

Kaoru grabbed a pillow and rolled over, closing his eyes, immediately out like a light. It was like he had been turned off, completely, hardly moving, his mouth pouched out funny from how he was laying on the pillow. When Die's watch beeped thirty minutes later, he jerked awake, looking bleary-eyed, but actually feeling more rested. He rubbed at his eyes and yawned, rolling back and forth on the bed for a minute, then stretching, finally getting up.

He scratched and looked around the room, finally noticing how Die looked and then the flowers. He smirked, going over to the flowers and reading the card, then opening the little gift. In the mirror, his blush could be seen, along with the goofy smile. Without saying a word, he walked over to Die and kissed his cheek, hugging him around the neck before going into the bathroom to take a quick shower and start getting ready.

Die turned off the alarm, smiling the entire time his lover stood near the flowers and opened his gift. Pride swelled inside him that he could make his lover blush like that. At the kiss, he leaned in and grinned happily.

About half an hour later, Kaoru came back out, his hair dried and styled up in a sort of faux-hawk - about the only style he could really do with it - a towel wrapped around his waist. He dug around in his suitcase and found a pair of charcoal grey wool slacks, pulling them on over a rather tight pair of black boxer briefs and adding a thin black leather belt. Digging some more, he found a dark gold t-shirt and threw on a black jacket over it, then sitting down and putting on his boots. He found his watch and the necklace that Die had given him, putting them on along with his amber ring, and then sat down on the bed, leaning over and laying his head in Die's lap. 

"Do you have an address for the restaurant, I guess?"

Die reached down, gently running his fingers over Kaoru's cheek, shutting his computer off and putting it aside on the nightstand. He smiled softly and nodded. "Yeah, I do. No idea how to get there though, so we should probably take a cab."

Kaoru nodded, sitting up and getting his phone and the room key and such. "I don't know Nagoya well at all, so that's a good idea."

Die pushed himself up as well, double-checking for his phone, quickly sending Kyo a message. _On our way. Taking a cab._ He sent it and checked for his room key and wallet before heading out the door, hoping Kaoru would follow and shut the door.

Having a quick thought, Kaoru grabbed his camera before heading out, making sure the door was locked behind him and then following Die towards the elevator, yawning again. "I really hope this is fun, not awkward. Double dates can be sort of weird sometimes."

Die gave a tiny shrug. "I'm sure it'll be fine. It's just Kyo and Fea, after all. It's not like some people we don't know." Although, Kaoru didn't really know Fea. Die made a face, but didn't try to correct himself.

Kaoru shrugged, digging out his phone to make sure it was on silent so it didn't go nuts during dinner. He put his hand on the small of Die's back and crossed through the lobby once the elevator was down, going onto the street and looking for a taxi, waving one down.

From that point on, Die let Kaoru lead, not at all worried about it. Once they were inside the taxi, he gave the address, settling back in the seat and running his hands over his thighs, smoothing out his slacks. 

Kaoru slipped his hand over to Die's side of the seat, linking their pinkies. He certainly wasn't blind to the tension between Kyo and Die, and he was curious how Fea changed the balance. 

Die gave him a soft smile, having no idea where his lover's mind was at the moment. If he had, he would have been honestly rather horrified. But as it stood, he had no idea and therefore his mood was still bright and expectant.

The drive to the restaurant was short. Kaoru opened the door and slid out, holding it open for Die, digging around in his pocket to pay the driver. 

Die's phone buzzed with a text from Kyo. _We're already seated. Ask for the table for Niimura._

Die pulled out his phone, checking the message and then putting his phone away again. Getting out, he waited on Kaoru to close the door before hooking his arm through Kaoru's and heading toward the door to the restaurant. Someone opened it for them and he stepped inside, letting Kaoru go as he quietly asked for the Niimura table. A moment later they were being lead through the restaurant.

Kaoru looked around as they were guided through the place, hugging Die's arm to his side. It felt like a hookah bar: dark, warm colors and dim lights. The hostess pulled back a curtain and gestured them into a small private room, like a tent at the back of the restaurant. At the table sat Kyo and Fea, beside each other, two empty chairs on the other side. Kyo stood up and the hostess let the curtain fall shut again after Kaoru and Die were inside, Kyo getting up on his toes and hugging Die around the neck. "Hey!"

Die slid inside with Kaoru, letting go of Kaoru's arm in order to properly hug Kyo, which he did with gusto. As soon as he felt he'd sufficiently squeezed the stuffing out of Kyo, he let him go and moved to shake Fea's hand. "Good to see you again," he murmured to him.

Fea stood up, taking Die's hand in both of his, shaking it with a bright smile. The top of his head nearly grazed the curtain-draped ceiling and he seemed too large for the room, like Alice after eating the mushroom. Kyo gave Kaoru a short hug, rubbing his back affectionately when he pulled away, presenting him to Fea in what could easily have been called giddiness. "Fea, love, this is Kaoru. Kaoru, Fea. I'm pretty sure you've already met, right?"

Kaoru nodded, reaching out to shake Fea's hand. Fea gave him an odd little smile, seeming to not quite really recognize Kaoru, though he knew he remembered the photo shoot. "Right, yeah. You look really different."

Kaoru touched his hair and made a shy face. "Ah, yes, I've cut my hair since then."

Fea nodded. "That must be it."

Die stood around awkwardly until Kyo sort of shuffled Die around the table and pulled his chair out for him. "Sit, sit! This is one of my favorite places in Nagoya, I hope you like it." 

Die chuckled softly, sitting down and scooting in. He adjusted his shirt and crossed his legs at the ankle, not even realizing he was doing it. "Things been going okay?" he asked quietly, glancing back and forth between Fea and Kyo. 

Kaoru slid into the chair next to Die, glancing over the menu. 

Kyo sat back down next to Fea, who rested his hand on the back of Kyo's chair. The blond bobbed his head back and forth in a so-so gesture. "Busy. Stressful. We had our first fight." Fea's green eyes flicked over in a slightly jumpy gesture, not used to people being so open with their relationship and its problems. He could only assume, however, it was the nature of Kyo and Die's friendship, and let it slide. Kyo continued on. "Just... rough, trying to figure out how this is gonna work, ya know? I mean, between Nagoya and London and LA and wherever else we end up."

Fea's hand shifted forward and rubbed in Kyo's hair for a moment. "It will work. We'll figure out how, we'll make it work." 

Die picked up the menu, listening to what all Kyo had to say. He winced at the part about them fighting. "Yeah, I'd imagine things would be a lot harder long-distance. But at least the two of you have the money to come see one another when you actually have the time off to do it." He gave them a soft smile, eyes lifting for a moment. "It'd be a hell of a lot harder if you didn't and could only be together physically once a year or something." He quieted for a moment and then smiled at Fea. "As long as both of you are willing to try to make it work, I have confidence it will." 

Fea cast his eyes down to the table and gave a nod, leaning into Kyo, his arm on the back of the chair again. "What about you two?" 

Kyo nudged Kaoru's leg with his foot under the table, wrinkling his nose at him, making him smile. "Better," he answered, just assuming they probably both already knew about, or at least in general, the problems he and Die had been having. "A lot better." He looked at his lover with a soft smile. 

Die gave a small smile and nodded. "Yeah... a _lot_ better. And so far we've even avoided blowing up at one another here." He laughed softly.

Kaoru chuckled, reaching for his water glass. "Don't jinx it." 

He rested his hand on Die's knee and studied Fea and Kyo together for a moment. Kyo was wearing a dark blue cashmere sweater, the V of it hanging low on his chest, with white slacks and very good shoes; Italian, maybe. Fea had on boots, black slacks, and a pressed button-down that was a warm rose color, his hair swept back from his face, looped in a knot at the back that still fell loose. The bits of random color that had been in his hair were now gone, all of it dark. Despite their glaring differences, there was something so similar about them, like they had been together for years and had slowly assimilated. 

Die picked up Kaoru's hand, gently kissing the back of it before putting it back down. "I always feel this way... but I have no idea what to order." He laughed. "Kyo, do the honors?"

Kaoru put his menu down. "Me, too, please." 

Kyo laughed, nodding. He took up their menus and set them on the side of the table. They did a dinner special here with a mix of traditional foods, meant to serve two. A double order and two bottles of wine would be perfect. When a waitress glided in, he ordered just that, reaching for the unleavened bread she had left, which was slightly oily and smelled of roasted garlic. He pulled it apart with his long fingers, handing half to Fea.

Kaoru reached for a piece, curious, leaning back in his chair. He tried some of the bread and made a pleased noise, offering some to Die. 

Die smiled. "I'm so glad this is a private room. It makes me feel less like I need to behave... and I'm sure same for you guys." He took the offered bite from Kaoru, chewing and then swallowing. "Mmm... that's good."

Fea sort of scoffed, indicating that was an understatement. "Definitely." To emphasize his point, he leaned over and hugged Kyo tightly, kissing his hair. "I hate feeling like I have to be on my guard all the time when we're in public."

"I can imagine. I'm already going nuts just knowing I can't be the way I usually am around Kaoru while we're in Japan." He shrugged. "I'm a touchy-feely person, that's all there is to it."

Kyo tilted his head. "You can, too! I mean... people will look at your like you're sucking his dick if you kiss him or whatever, but... I mean, it's not like it's against the law or some shit. I'd lose my contract."

Die made a slight face. "Can't imagine what they'd do if I _did_ suck his dick."

Kyo rolled his eyes, smirking. The waitress returned with both bottles of wine and four glasses, opening one bottle and letting Kyo taste it before opening the other, hurrying off again. 

Fea picked up his glass after Kyo poured it, nibbling on a piece of bread. "How have you enjoyed Japan so far, Die?" He tucked on long leg up into his chair casually, smiling at the redhead. 

Die picked up the second bottle, pouring some for Kaoru and himself and putting it between them. "The first day was amazing and a lot of fun. But since then we've just been running around like chickens with our heads cut off." 

Fea hummed, picking at the table cloth. "I feel like a circus freak here, honestly. And the worst part is, people look at me like it, too. It's been hard getting used to." 

Kyo sort of frowned and rubbed Fea's arm, looping his hand into the crook of his lover's elbow. 

Die also frowned. "Hey... you're not _that_ much taller than me." He nudged him under the table, giving him a concerned look.

Fea sort of rolled his eyes. "I'm..." He thought, figuring up a number that would actually mean something to Die, "six-five. About. I have to look down at ninety-nine percent of the people I meet, and here, the height difference, by and large, is extremely exaggerated from what I'm used to. Plus, the whole stigma about tattoos, even on Westerners and everything... I know I'm not normal looking, but fuck, you know?"

Kyo couldn't help but snicker at Fea's feistiness, intentionally slanted with some humor to take the edge off the fact that it _did_ bug him that everywhere they went, he got stared at like he had two heads for at least half a second by nearly everyone.

Die studied him for a long moment before nodding. "I can't say I know exactly what that's like... but it's not really a walk in the park being Japanese and not from here. I thought my Japanese was good enough and I'd studied enough mannerisms, but I guess I was wrong. I can hear people whispering behind me every time we stop somewhere for an extended period of time about how I'm a disgrace and why bother 'moving back' if I wasn't 'raised right'." He put air quotes around the last two phrases and made a face. "For the most part I can ignore it. But having it said about a thousand times makes you want to start popping people in the nose."

Fea pursed his lips, nodding. "I guess we're both the odd ones out, then." 

"Yeah... I guess we are," Die murmured softly.

Kyo tugged Fea down and kissed his cheek, Kaoru reaching to stroke Die's hand. The blond shushed his lover. "They're just jealous because you're so gorgeous."

Leaning over, Die sort of nuzzled Kaoru before picking up his drink and taking a sip. Two bowls of hummus were brought out, topped with freshly sautéed onions and red peppers and Kyo dug in immediately, scooping some of the bean paste up on a piece of bread and carefully pushing it into his mouth. 

Fea tore of a small strip of bread and tried some, going more for the cooked vegetables in the middle. "Alright, I'm materialistic; I want to see the ring. I tried to not be such a puff, but I have to see the ring." He smiled and washed down the bite of food with some wine. 

Die laughed softly, taking his bite of the bread with veggies. Chewing and swallowing, he displayed his hand with a flourish.

Fea took Die's hand, leaning over the table to admire it, Kyo craning his neck to get a look at it in person. 

Fea flicked his eyes up to Kaoru with a smirk. "Nice." He sort of rubbed Die's hand between his fingers affectionately before letting him go, the waitress returning with four small plates of tabbouleh. Kaoru poked it with his fork suspiciously, smelling the odd combination of parsley, mint, and lemon juice. 

Kyo laughed at him. "It's good, just eat it."

Die beamed, happy for the attention. Overall, he was just pleased to be with other people he called friends. It made him feel warm and happy on the inside. 

Kaoru couldn't help but be a tad smug, glad the ring was attractive on Die. He tried some of the tabbouleh, finding that it wasn't as awful as it seemed, and reached to rub a hand over Die's knee. 

Kyo scooted his chair slightly closer to Fea's, eating the salad with enthusiasm. "I have another project for you," he told Die around a mouth half-full of food, his hand covering it to be a bit less rude. He swallowed and took a sip of wine. "It's simple and kind of cheap, but, some friends are doing their first big tour and they’re selling laminates for merchandise. I gave them your email to contact you with their ideas for it."

Die tried some of the salad as well, actually quite enjoying it. He ate more and listened to Kyo, watching him attentively. Swallowing, he beamed. "Awesome! I've been waiting on another job. I love doing band posters and things like that. It's so much more... fun," he offered.

Kyo smiled, nodding. "I figured you'd like it better than ads for coffee or something."

Die gave an excited bounce in his seat. "I do!" 

Kyo laughed softly, Kaoru smirking and putting his hand on Die's leg again. Fea leaned over to Kyo and murmured something to him in Russian, getting a kiss for it, whatever it was. 

Kaoru was intrigued by them together, tilting his head at watching them kiss before going back to his salad. 

Die just smiled as he took bite after bite of his salad until it disappeared from his plate all together. 

Kyo noticed Die finish the plate off. "You like it?"

Die nodded. "Yeah, I do. It's interesting and different, but I definitely like it!"

Kaoru picked around in his, wanting to save room for the main course. "I don't hate it as much as I thought I would. I think I might try to make it, see if I can tweak the ingredients a bit." 

Kyo rolled his eyes, but smiled. Fea folded his hands together, elbows on the table, and rested his chin on them. "So you're the housewife, then?" he asked, smirking at Kaoru. 

The other blushed, shaking his head. "Aaah, not really, I just cook a lot. I like it, and I'm kind of a neat freak, so I clean most of the time and..." he blushed darker, "yeah, I guess I'm the housewife."

Die watched him, flicking his eyes between Fea and Kaoru, almost ready for an explosion over the comment, though he was grateful it wasn't directed at him at least. Speaking up in hopes to make it less awkward, he offered, "I cook when I can, but usually you beat me to it. And I _hate_ cleaning."

"I'm not complaining, baby. I like doing both." Kaoru leaned over and kissed Die at the back of his jaw, his hand on his leg giving a slight squeeze. 

Kyo seemed to brighten at the gesture, reaching to put his hand on Fea's arm, the other reacting instantly, sliding his hand to lace with Kyo's fingers, resting both on his knee. The waitress returned again with two large dishes of roasted lamb, fava beans, falafel, couscous, and a rice dish with peas, and four plates to break it up onto. Kyo immediately started making himself a plate, Fea pouring more wine for everyone. 

Die looked excited to see the lamb, adoring eating it, but never finding the time to get any. He rubbed his hands together and picked up the platter for him and Kaoru, instantly starting to serve them both half of it.

Kaoru gave a soft smile, letting Die fix the plates, thanking him when he was done and picking up his wine glass. Fea did the same, looking to Kyo. "Should we toast to something?"

Kyo tilted his head, thinking. "Sure, why not." He picked up his glass and thought a moment. "To having people to be happy with." 

"Here, here!" Die grabbed his glass, bringing it close to Fea's and Kyo's, waiting on Kaoru and then all of them clinking their glasses.

Kaoru smiled, more than willing to drink to that, taking a big drink of wine before setting the glass down and picking his fork back up, trying some lamb first. "Mm, baby, the lamb is really good." His knuckles brushed affectionately down Die's arm for a second before he went back to trying each dish, liking the rice very much, as well. 

Kyo and Fea chattered back and forth in Russian quietly for a moment in a manner that made it obvious they were talking about them. After a minute, Fea sorted of blurted out, "So how's your sex life?" 

Die tried the lamb as well, making a soft moaning sound at it. It was delicious and he'd somehow picked up on Kaoru's habit of letting others know he enjoyed a meal in that manner along the way. He was just about to take a bite of the rice dish when Fea asked his question. He sort of choked on air for a moment and put his fork down, laughing. "Well if that wasn't out of nowhere, I dunno what is."

Fea veiled his amusement rather well, scooping up a bite of bean. "What? It's just conversation." Kyo wasn't so good at hiding how funny Die's reaction had been, shaking with laugher. Kaoru didn't say a word, rather modest around other people in most situations. 

Die rolled his eyes. "Mmhm... sure." He jabbed his foot in Kyo's direction under the table and then shrugged, eating the bite of rice. Once he was done, he murmured, "It's been going a lot better, I think. Kaoru?"

Kaoru, shy for some reason, just nodded, looking at his plate. Fea smirked, giving a nod. "Good, good." 

Kyo kicked Die back, gently, winking at him with a smile. Die gave Kyo a cute little scrunched-nose, pouting kind of look before smirking and shoving in another forkful of rice and lamb. He tried the other things as well, but couldn't help eating the lamb faster, enjoying it the most. "Yours?" he fired back at Fea after a few minutes, making sure the other had his wine glass to his lips first.

Neither Fea nor Kyo were even phased. The tall Brit gave a chuckle, sipping wine and setting the glass back down. "Amazing, of course. It's the honeymoon phase, you know? Anywhere and everywhere, at all hours, in every state of undress." Kyo bit his lip, smirking, simply nodding to verify everything his lover was saying. 

Die arched his eyebrows at them. "Please do define everywhere for me here."

Kyo laughed. "On my piano, the couch, in the kitchen, on the floors, in the bathroom, the balcony, everywhere. Anywhere we wouldn't get caught. In the changing room at a boutique the other day. I jerked him off in a cinema. Stuff like that. Anywhere we can get away with it."

Die stared at Kyo, unable to not envision these things happening. He only barely managed to swallow the moan that wanted to come out and he knew he was more than definitely broadcasting just how arousing that was. He couldn't even think of anything to say because most of what wanted to come out was hardly appropriate. Things like 'can I watch' and 'fuck yeah, got a video?' He kept them inside and crossed his legs, clearing his throat. Digging into his food again, he forced himself to stare at his meal, his cheeks heated slightly.

Fea and Kyo shared a conspiratorial grin and Kaoru looked over at Die, able to read him like a book. He reached under the table and took Die's hand, putting it on his own knee, letting it rest there before going back to eating. Die blushed even worse when Kaoru moved Die's own hand to his knee. It was hard not to just reach over and grope him, but he knew that would be most unwise. Kaoru tended to allow him to get by with certain things, but he didn't like pushing him into things that embarrassed him so much. While Die was most assuredly a voyeur, he knew Kaoru wasn't really. Besides, he got things like being fucked up against the window and it fed enough of the desire to keep the flame burning low rather than high and hot... unless he allowed his fantasies to stray or sat around listening to other people's stories about it.

A lull fell over the table, the food distracting from any conversation. When plates began to empty, Fea leaned back in his chair, pouring them the last of the wine. "Are you guys coming back to Kyo's with us for a while, or are you heading to the hotel?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't have anything to do but the show tomorrow, so it doesn't really matter either way to me." He looked to Die to see what he thought about it, figuring he would want to spend more time with Kyo.

Die glanced up finally at the question and then Kaoru's answer. "I'd like to," he murmured softly, giving Kaoru a hopeful look. After all, Kyo was his friend and he really did miss him when he didn't see him often.

Kaoru shrugged, nodding. "Sure."

Kyo smiled. "Cool. Maybe we can take dessert and some coffee to go? Have it at my place?"

Die smiled happily. "Chocolate!" he announced rather decisively. It was his weakness, he had to admit. 

Kyo laughed, nodding. "I think they have a chocolate-topped baklava." 

The waitress glided in, and this time it was apparent there was a small buzzer of sorts at the edge of the table for the private room to call the waitress when she was needed and not have her interrupt. She collected up the plates and asked if they would like anything else. Kyo asked for a box of the baklava and four Arabic coffees to go, going ahead and handing her his credit card for the bill. Die blinked at the girl appearing when she was needed and not a moment before. He had been watching Kyo this time though and figured it out, smirking. 

Once she was gone, he commented softly, "That button thing is a good idea, I think."

Kyo smirked, nodding. "I like it. Honestly, it's a Yakuza thing, but fuck it. I'll use it to be sappy and affectionate if I want, and their food is really good." Fea laughed at him and leaned over to kiss him, sitting up again and finishing off his wine. Kyo's credit card was returned along with the coffees and a bakery box. Kyo signed the receipt and Fea got up and pulled his chair out for him, making him blush something awful and tuck his hair behind his ears in a sort of nervous gesture. "Thanks."

Die laughed. "Okay, I have to admit, the thought of that being a Yakuza thing and you pushing the button, tattoos and all... makes this real amusing. I mean... considering," he gestured between all four of them. "Real amusing." Once they were ready to go, he got up as well, pushing his chair in and moving to help Kaoru with his chair as well, taking the hint from Fea.

Kyo put his hands over his face, laughing. "Oh fuck, I didn't think about that!"

Kaoru seemed shocked, and rather touched, standing up and thanking Die softly, putting an arm around his waist. Taking the coffee and baklava, Kyo led the way out of the restaurant and onto the street, deciding to walk. His apartment was only a few minutes walking distance away. 

Fea trailed back and walked beside Die, hands tucked into his pockets. "I think I embarrass him sometimes. It's me just being a gentleman, but I think it comes off as emasculating."

Die was glad for Kaoru's arm around his waist and did the same until they were out in public again. "I don't think it is... honestly, I think it's more that he's so used to being kind of cut-off from the world that it's surprising to him to have someone be so openly affectionate." Of course he had no way of really knowing other than to ask Kyo, but it was just his opinion and he knew Fea would know that. 

Fea tilted his head, flicking his long hair over his shoulder, toying with it in a nervous gesture. "Mm. Probably. I just... I don't know. I know we seem crazy, being like this and it's hardly been two months. I just wish he'd drop that bad-ass front around me. It's not like he honestly thinks I really fall for it. Not that it isn't genuine, but it's not who he is."

Die squinted at Kyo. "Hard to break an old habit, Fea."

From up ahead, Kyo raised his voice to call back, “I can fucking hear you," and Fea laughed, jogging up beside him.

Kaoru hugged Die around the waist for a moment again. "You were right; they are really good together, in some weird, crazy way." 

When Kaoru hugged him around the waist, Die did the same to his lover, not caring how they looked anymore. "Yeah, they are... real good." 

Kaoru hummed, leaning into Die's side. "I wonder if we look like that sometimes. If even when we aren't showing affection, it's obvious we're together, you know." As though to exemplify what he meant, Fea's hand came up and squeezed Kyo's arm for a moment and in the tiny gesture, it was absolutely clear how much adoration passed between them. 

Die smiled softly. "I'd like to think so," he murmured.

Kaoru leaned his head on Die's shoulder, following Kyo and Fea to a nice apartment building and taking the elevator all the way up to the top. Kyo walked down the hall and unlocked his door, turning on the light. The apartment had a similar feel to the one in LA - with open spaces, dark, exotic decorations - with one key difference; at the wall of windows overlooking Nagoya, there sat a nine foot grand piano, gleaming in the soft light Kyo had flicked on.

Walking into the kitchen, he opened the box of baklava and grabbed four small plates, putting some on each and passing them around, with the coffee. "Want to sit on the balcony for a while?"

The moment they entered Kyo's home, Die felt a welcoming warmth that places well-kept in a tender, loving manner tended to give off. He left his shoes at the door and then followed Kyo, taking his plate and coffee cup. He gave a nod. "That would be nice."

Kaoru struggled a little getting his boots off, following and taking a plate with a soft thank you. Kyo nodded and head out to the balcony, where he had four chairs around a small table. Fea sat down and lit a cigarette, sipping his coffee, Kaoru standing to the side and waiting for everyone else to pick seats. Die plopped down beside Kyo, across from Fea and smiled at Kaoru, motioning for him to take his seat as well while he sipped at the coffee, making a pleased sound.

Kaoru sat down and tried a piece of the layered dessert, intrigued by it, while Die just dug into his, smiling around the forkful. He laid his hand on Die's knee and dug for his cigarettes, watching as Kyo seemed to fidget and then very hurriedly said "Sorry, I have to do this," stood, and grabbed Fea, kissing him hungrily. His lover seemed shocked, having been distracted admiring the view and enjoying his cigarette, but quickly fell into the kiss, his hand coming up and pressing against Kyo's back, pulling him in. When Kyo apologized, Die gave him and odd look and when he grabbed Fea and started kissing him, he almost choked on his food. Well then... that was certainly not what he'd expected, but he quickly swallowed and followed it with coffee, settling down and watching with a slightly raised eyebrow.

Kyo finally pulled away, calmly moving his plate and cup over and sitting down in Fea's lap, looking much more comfortable. He gestured out over the city, looking back at Die and Kaoru. "Like my view?"

Die pulled his eyes away from Kyo and Fea, looking out over the view. "It's gorgeous," he murmured, feeling more like he wasn't talking about the landscape.

Kaoru nodded his agreement, looking out over the city, puffing away at his cigarette. Fea whispered something in Kyo's ear, making Kyo huff slightly in a soft laugh. Fea's cheeks pinked and he cleared his throat. "So um... we were talking, and uh..." He licked his lips, looking down at the table, trying to find words. "Do you guys wanna have sex?" 

Kaoru blinked, not sure he'd heard right, or perhaps Fea had simply worded it wrong. He took another drag off his cigarette, tilting his head. "Like... the four of us?" Kyo gave a nod.

The moment the words were out of Fea's mouth, Die felt his own cheeks flush hot. The invitation was arousing as hell and he definitely wanted to take them up on it. But he wasn't sure Kaoru would want to. Glancing over at his lover, he waited on him to answer, his eyes bright, betraying everything he was thinking.

Kaoru looked at Die, thinking it over. His lingering jealousy about Kyo and Die told him to say no, but at the same time, he wanted to make Die happy, and he couldn't deny that everything about Fea made him a bit weak-kneed. He waffled for a moment, thinking it over as calmly on the outside as possible, eating the rest of his dessert and finishing his cigarette, leaving the other three in quiet suspense. Ultimately, however, he knew that if he was looking at death very soon, he would regret not taking risks and doing adventurous things. He hoped he was right to think that if something would ever happen between Kyo and Die, it would happen whether he let them whet their appetites for each other or not. Die just sort of focused on his food after a minute passed in silence.

He knew Kyo would know at least that he was waiting on Kaoru to answer and he kind of projected that toward both Kyo and Fea, trying to let them know he wasn't just avoiding answering.

With a single nod, Kaoru leaned forward and ground out his cigarette, picking his coffee back up. "Alright. How exactly were you thinking? Just in the same bed, or…?"

Fea scratched the back of his head, seeming bashful. "Ah, swapping partners. Just kind of... all in it, I guess. Anything goes?" 

Again, Kaoru only gave a small nod. Die finished his sweet treat and then sipped his coffee, mostly done with it already, but making it last. When Kaoru finally answered, he was a tad conflicted about it. The length of time he'd taken in answering made him feel like maybe Kaoru didn't want to do it at all. It was always possible he was doing it for Die's sake, though he had no way of telling if that was the case or not.

Kyo licked his lips and gave Fea a short kiss before standing, walking around the table and straddling Kaoru's lap, one hand sliding to the back of his head, the other on his arm. He wasn't looking at Kaoru, though. He was looking at Die, wanting to make sure he wasn't overstepping his boundaries with his friend's lover. 

Die just kept quiet, not really responding to either Kaoru or Fea, since neither had really said anything directly to him anyway. When Kyo got up and went to Kaoru, Die somehow felt a sense of relief that it wasn't him that Kyo had come to. He'd already made things insanely awkward between them in the past and all he needed was to do it again, especially in front of Kaoru.

He gave Kyo a nod and then finished his coffee off, feeling really unsure of himself right then. Normally he would have almost thrown himself at Fea, knowing that was kind of where he was supposed to go. But instead, he felt somehow slightly nervous about the whole thing, like he was unsure if that was how it was wanted to be played out or not. In the end, he decided it wasn't his game to be calling the shots in and he'd just wait on everyone else to make their moves.

Kyo nodded and turned to Kaoru, tilting his chin up and leaning down to kiss him sweetly. There was an odd understanding between them on some level that worked as a tryst. Kaoru put his hands in Kyo's blonde hair and moved them down over his neck and then felt at his muscular arms, their kiss slowly growing deeper. 

Fea slid up out of his chair and over to Die, getting down on his knees in front of the red head and scooting close, reaching out to rub his side and leaning to whisper in his ear. "Is this okay?"

Die let out a breathless sound at the touch to his side. He gave a tiny nod, reaching out and lightly touching Fea's hair and then his shoulder, gently gripping there for a moment before letting his hand trail down to his upper arm. "Yeah," he breathed out. It wasn't but a moment later that he turned his head and gently caught Fea in a kiss, hoping that was okay.

Fea scooted closer, shifting between Die's legs and letting his hand wander up and down Die's side, making a tiny sound into the kiss, slowly falling into it, figuring out how Die kissed and figuring out how their lips fit together. He pulled back a little and touched his own hair. "Do you want me to take it down?" Die let out a breathless sound at the touch to his side. Die peered at him when he backed up, licking his lips and then nodding, watching him while he waited on Fea to take his hair down. He glanced over at Kaoru and Kyo, biting his lip and then looking back at Fea.

Kaoru had his hands on Kyo's ass, squeezing at it while they kissed, fighting playfully for dominance. Fea unclipped his hair and shook it out, letting the waist-length tresses fall around his shoulders, pushing his bangs back behind an ear before leaning in to kiss Die again. His hand cupped Die's pale throat, squeezing just slightly and then rubbing with his fingers, trying to feel out if the redhead had any sensitive spots like his lover. Die let out a tiny whimper into the kiss the moment his throat was touched. A tiny thrill shot through him and he pushed his hips up a little despite that part of him not touching anything. Whimpering, he grabbed a handful of Fea's hair and started kissing him even harder, pushing his tongue into his mouth.

Fea sucked Die's tongue further in, wrapping his own tongue around it, rubbing at his neck more and moving to wrap his other arm around the shorter man's waist, pushing more in between his legs, tugging Die closer to him. Die pretty much moved as close to him as he could, rocking his hips forward. Pulling back from the kiss, he shifted, pushing the chair out of the way and sinking down onto his knees in front of Fea, pressing close and reaching around, grabbing his ass. Fea gave a dark chuckle, craning over to kiss Die again, hugging onto him tightly. Kyo had started gyrating in Kaoru's lap, gently tugging his hair.

Die pulled back after a few minutes, his chest heaving in the effort to get air in and out of his lungs. _Inside?_ he thought at Fea, studying him. It was hard on the knees out here and he didn't figure Fea or Kyo really wanted to be seen by any potential neighbors crawling all over their visitors. Not that Die really minded, but his knees were starting to protest.

Fea couldn't help but laugh, nodding, tugging on the back of Kyo's shirt. "Come on, babe. Inside." He got up and helped Die to his feet. 

Kaoru stood and seemed still embarrassed. "I think I need booze to go through with this, anyway."

Die stood up, blushing faintly himself. He didn't really need the booze, but he thought maybe if he did have more in his system, Kaoru would possibly blame it more on that if he regretted anything later.

Kyo climbed out of Kaoru's lap and went back inside, going into the kitchen and pulling down four tumblers, putting ice in them and pulling down the good Irish whiskey Fea had shipped to himself, pouring them all some. He passed the glasses around and Kaoru sagged on the counter, Fea kissing Die's cheek before going to Kyo, hugging his waist. Die smiled softly at Fea, leaning back on the counter as well, taking the glass and sipping at it slowly, enjoying the taste rather than slamming it.

Kaoru slammed it all down, putting the glass on the table and then turning to Die, tugging him closer around the waist and kissing his jaw. Die blinked and then smirked into his glass, still sipping at the amber liquid. His head tilted to give Kaoru better access.

Kaoru suckled at his earlobe gently while Fea rubbed Kyo's chest, kissing the top of his head. Kyo finished his drink, as did Fea, and put his glass down. "Suggestion: Why don't respective lovers, after we move to the bedroom, of course, undress each other, and then we'll switch back?"

Die finished off his drink as well, seeing as how everyone else was done already. Putting it aside, he licked his lips and then nodded. "Sounds good to me."

Kyo led the way into his sparsely decorated bedroom, with the California king bed, and pushed Fea down onto it, unbuttoning his lover's shirt while he kissed him. Kaoru followed with Die and giggled, obviously affected by the liquor on top of the bottle of wine, going for Die's buttons while he kissed his lips softly, pulling back for a moment to whisper that he loved him. Die honestly felt tipsy; the liquor had been strong stuff. He followed Fea and Kyo, trying hard to not be distracted by looking around Kyo's room. Instead, he focused on Kaoru and reached out to start getting his lover's shirt off, peppering kisses over his jaw. Kaoru let Die take over, moaning softly and tilting his head, pushing Die's shirt off and then going for his pants, opening them and starting to push them down his legs. Kyo and Fea were fighting each other out of their clothes, rolling around on the bed, making some boyish game of it. Die honestly had to wonder how much more wine Kaoru had had than him to start with, given how quickly he abandoned trying to get Die's buttons undone and started attacking his pants instead. Chuckling softly, Die finished his own shirt and then wrestled Kaoru out of his entirely before just letting Kaoru deal with the pants.

Kaoru started sucking on Die's neck, getting him naked and hugging him close, stroking his hair.

Die let out a soft little noise, his long fingers reaching to undo Kaoru's pants, popping the button and then lowering the zipper before pushing the material from his hips, letting it pool around his ankles. He nuzzled him and nipped at his ear. 

Kaoru stepped out of his pants, cupping Die's face and kissing his cheeks, across his nose, under his eye. His cock pressed into his lover's thigh. "We do this together, right?"

Die nodded, pulling him close by his hips, arching against him, his lady-dick sliding over Kaoru's erection. "Together," he breathed out, almost desperate for the touch and attention right then.

Kaoru released a small moan, closing his eyes and grinding against Die for a moment before pulling back, looking up at him with a sideways grin. "C'mon." 

He tugged him by the wrist over to the bed where Fea and Kyo untangled themselves from each other. Die followed Kaoru over to the bed, already feeling arousal boiling in the pit of his stomach. He had so many things he wanted to have happen, but he knew better than to ask for any of them. He was just going to let things take the course they were going to and enjoy whatever came his way. 

Fea crawled over Kaoru, Kaoru going to Kyo, kissing at his neck and trying to find that magic spot. Die sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted in, crossing his legs and waiting on everyone to get situated. Fea flashed an almost evil grin at the redhead and grabbed him around the waist, sucking at a nipple. Die gasped and then blushed, letting out a low moan when his nipple was sucked into the other man's mouth. That was evil, for damn sure. His hand speared in Fea's hair and he just let it happen, head thrown back, pleasure rushing through his body with each suck.

Fea purred out a laugh at his reaction, toying with the nipple and then treating its twin. Kyo and Kaoru were in some sort of wrestling kiss, fighting each other playfully, Kyo winning, his hand wrapped around Kaoru's cock and squeezing, then giving it slow strokes, making him squirm and shout, some in pain, some in pleasure. 

"Wait, wait!" Kaoru called out and Kyo stopped, knowing when he was serious. Kaoru caught his breath and sat up. "I-" He turned bright red, crawling over to Fea, who sat up and leaned over to let Kaoru whisper in his ear. A smile spread across the tall man's full mouth and Kaoru blushed deeper. Fea looked over at Kyo and relayed Kaoru's message in Russian so as to keep Die out of the loop, Kyo giving a sharp chuckle. 

Die squirmed around, trying to keep Fea's head down where he was fiddling with his nipples. It felt amazing and he didn't want it to end anytime soon. But he let up on it, letting Fea lean away when Kaoru came to whisper to him. He watched them all speak, sort of feeling helpless and knowing it was about him or else he wouldn't be being kept out of it. Some small little part of him felt almost fearful of what was going to come of all of these whispered and differently-languaged secrets.

Green eyes turned back to Die, fire burning bright within them. Fea leaned in close and licked Die's ear, his breath hot against it as he let out in a low voice, "He wants us both to cum in you so he can lick it back out. What do you think?"

When Fea finally let him in on it, Die whimpered softly, finally just reaching up, grabbing Fea around the waist and rolling him over onto his back, shifting to straddle him, a dark look in his eyes as he leaned back down and whispered, "I think... that sounds... amazing." He lowered himself so that just the very tip of Fea's cock pressed against his pussy, hips shifting to tease it over his slit, again and again.

Fea let out a shocked sound when Die threw him over, eyes rolling back at the feel of his slick cunt rubbing over his head. He let it happen for a while and then grabbed Die by the hips, throwing them over quickly, on top of him, now. "Hnn... you can't be so impatient. You've got a very unique make up: the boy with a pussy; you think you can get away with not letting me play with you first? Besides, you've got to lie down so it doesn't all spill out of you."

Die let out a whine when he was rolled back over, squirming around under him. Maybe he was impatient, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted a dick inside him... and soon. It was like an ache that desperately wanted to be soothed. "So horny," he breathed out, hands clinging to Fea's biceps. And honestly, he wanted it so much it actually kind of hurt.

Kaoru bit the tip of his tongue, letting out a moan, catching a glimpse of Fea and Die over Kyo's shoulder. He'd just found the outer edges of the spot and Kyo was mewling like a whore, holding onto his back. He pulled away for a moment, grinning at Fea. "Tease the shit out of him. Make him cum until he begs for mercy." 

At Kaoru's words, Die let out a tiny moan, looking over at them and watching for a moment before he re-focused on Fea. Fea laughed, a light, jovial sound, and shimmied down between Die's legs, rubbing at him with the pads of his fingers. "I like the sound of that."

Kyo, however, had different plans for Kaoru. At the words to Fea, he grabbed Kaoru by the throat and threw him down onto the bed, shocking him, though the force obviously turned him on. He squirmed and then laid there pouting. Kyo sneered at him, a bit of a smile in his eyes. "You don't tell him what to do, slut. You just take what we fucking give you and say thank you." 

He popped Kaoru on the leg and then dug around in the bedside table, producing handcuffs, lube, and a leather cock ring with snaps. Despite Kaoru whining in protest, he fastened the cock ring around his base and then handcuffed his wrists to the headboard, tugging him down so that his arms were stretched high over his head. Kaoru let out a loud moan, thrashing around faintly just to be a pain, though lying next to Die with hardly two feet between them, knowing they were both about to get fucked cross-eyed, was almost too much to even process. He shivered and spread his legs as Kyo settled between them, tossing his blonde hair out of his eyes and lubing up his fingers.

Die moaned out softly, shifting his hips up toward Fea's touch. Though, the moment Kyo started asserting full control of the situation with Kaoru, he had to admit, his eyes were glued to the scene. It was hard not to. After all, they were incredibly fucking hot together and something about the roughness made Die twice as horny. His hips rocked and he squirmed around slowly, cheeks heating up just from the scene unfolding beside him. 

"Fuck," he whispered out ever so softly. Okay... so from the look on Kaoru's face, Die had definitely been neglecting an area that he shouldn't have been. His eyes flicked back up to Fea and he gave him a look that was clearly both aroused and slightly shocked.

Kyo started to finger Kaoru's ass, not even bothering to go slow, looking to push him to his limits, even hurt him to some extent. Kaoru did not put up a fight, making alternate noises of pleasure and pain, Kyo responding to them so as not to be plainly cruel while stretching him open.

Fea looked down at Die and just shook his head, rubbing over Die's clit in circles, his other hand coming down, sitting cross-legged between Die's thighs now, and prodding the tip of one finger inside him. "He's a rough, mean fucker when he wants to be. Looks like your lover likes it, though."

Die flushed and nodded, his eyelids fluttering at the touch to his clit. His hips arched up off the bed and he spread his legs a bit more, rocking his hips against that prodding finger. Somewhere inside he wondered what it would feel like to be tossed around like that, but he didn't bring it up right then, too happy with the contrast that was going on for the time being. "Deeper," he whispered out.

Fea smirked and slid one slim finger all the way in, slow and teasing, stroking around inside. He kept making slow, steady circles around Die's clit, gnawing on his lip and flicking his eyes to Kaoru and Kyo, watching his lover force four fingers into Kaoru, who screamed at first and tugged against the handcuffs, then gave in and quieted himself, trying to relax and just take it. Die's head jerked over to stare at Kaoru and Kyo while he tried to evaluate if this was actually okay with Kaoru or not. Once he'd settled on it being fine, knowing Kyo wouldn't do something purposely with the intention to just hurt, he shifted his attention fully back to Fea.

After a quiet moment, he whispered, "Let me suck you for a bit?"

Kyo dug around in his drawer again, producing a dildo that was just slightly less girthy than himself, lubing it up and pressing it steadily into Kaoru's ass, forcing it in all the way before leaning to kiss his neck and pull his hair, aiming to drive him crazy.

Fea gnawed his lip, watching them, taking a second before even registering Die's question, having been fingering him almost as an after-thought to watching his lover torture Kaoru. 

"Huh? Oh. Sure, yeah." He blushed and shifted around, sitting back and waiting for Die to either guide him up on his knees or something, or just come and get it.

Die pulled reluctantly away from the finger in his pussy, shifting around until he could get off the bed. Slipping down onto the floor, he settled on his knees, and motioned Fea over, waiting on him to settle down where he could get to him. Leaning in, he slowly licked up the other's entire length and then sucked at the head for a moment, marveling at the different taste Fea had from either Kaoru or Kyo.

Shivering, he slid his mouth down about halfway and sucked experimentally. Fea let out a breathy moan, his tattooed fingers fisting in the sheets, toes curling into the carpet. Kyo was fucking the hell out Kaoru with the dildo, awkwardly so that he wouldn't so much enjoy it as feel invaded. Kaoru seemed on cloud nine, both of them completely in another world from the one where Fea was sinking into the slow pace of the blowjob, enjoying Die's style of it. 

He couldn't help but catch the thought, smirking down at Die. "Have you never been with a white guy before?" He'd been with just about every race and found that there were often differences, such as tastes, between them. 

Die slowly corkscrewed his hand over Fea's length, mouth following as far down as he dared and then coming back up. His tongue never stopped moving, swirling and tasting, lapping and pressing. He popped off the tip and shook his head.

"Once," he murmured before sliding back down on him and then popping off again. "Make it twice now," he gave Fea what could only be classified as a sexy look before he got him as far in as he could, trying hard not to gag any, pulling back up to where he was comfortable and sliding his hand down to fondle Fea's balls.

Fea's green eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned loudly, gripping the sheets again. After a minute, he had to grab Die's head and pull him back. "Nn, you're gonna make me fucking cum, please..." He tugged Die up, scooting back on the bed. "Come on... I'll warm you up more and then I'll make it twice." He winked, slightly out of breath already, pulling all of his hair over one shoulder. Die let out a moan at his head being forced back. He struggled back to give him one more good lick over the crown before he stood up and crawled back on the bed. Plopping down on his back, he spread his legs and gave Fea an expectant look, licking his lips.

"Hang on." Fea leaned over him, his long, soft hair falling against Dies chest, and grabbed several pillows. "Lift up. Just to make sure you don't spill any of the goods." He gave a sleazy wink and laughed a bit. Die rolled his eyes, but pushed his hips up, waiting until Fea had the pillows under him, settling back down on them a moment after and spreading his legs again, one hand moving to play with his own nipples, tugging lightly and fiddling with them.

Fea chuckled at him, kissing his stomach lightly before pushing two fingers into him with far more gentleness than the vicious force Kyo was using, pushing an even thicker toy into Kaoru, who by now was silent and obedient, the look on his face one of masochistic bliss. Die let out a quiet whimper of happiness, stomach muscles tightening at the kiss and his pussy clenching around those two fingers, pulsing for a moment. He pushed toward the touch, thinking at Fea that he wanted one finger somewhere else, hoping he caught it.

Fea snickered, withdrawing himself completely for a moment, getting off the bed to go dig in the drawer Kyo was producing the toys that he was using on Kaoru from. He returned and held up a slim, moderately long butt plug, a sort of bright-blue color. "How's this?" He reached for the lube sitting by Kaoru's twitching leg and slicked some on the plug. Die blushed, but gave a small nod. Closing his eyes, he did his best to relax everything down below, waiting on that plug to come into his body, hoping it would be easy and pleasant.

Fea smirked, pushing it slowly in. It wasn't much thicker than a thumb for most of it, flared to about four inches around at its widest. He pushed until the flat plug end was flush up against Die's ass and thunked it, pushing a third finger, now, into his pussy. "Do you like it rough? Can you take it hard?"

Die blushed, enjoying the feeling of being filled but not full. He tightened around the plug and then relaxed again. At the question, he gave a nod. "Please," he whispered.

Fea nodded, wiping his fingers on the sheets. He scooted up and pressed the tip of his cock against Die's slick pussy, spreading him with his thumbs and shoving in all in one motion, slamming into him and staying there for a moment. Beside them, Kyo had finally retired the toys and was slowly sliding his way into Kaoru, hunched over him, touching and kissing him affectionately, whispering to him that he was doing so well, that he was so good, a good boy. Kaoru just whined and moaned, taking Kyo as he started to thrust slowly. Fea was no so patient. Once he was settled, he immediately started to hammer into Die relentlessly, fucking him rough and deep, grabbing him by the hips to thrust into him even harder, trying to be as hard as he could to see just how much Die could take.

Die let out a loud moan, arching up hard and just staying there, immediately setting up with those sort of high-pitched girly cries of pleasure that betrayed what gender he'd been born. It felt amazing to be fucked so completely and relentlessly hard. He shifted his legs up, making it so that Fea had a flat surface to be thrusting against, pushing his dick in even further. "God _yes_!" Die screamed out, his hands going to his own hair to pull, back and neck arching. He was the picture of perfect bliss right then.

Kaoru turned his head, watching Fea drill Die, giving a loud moan and wanting to run a hand down Die's chest, to touch his cock, but was unable to, even struggling against the handcuffs, a crust of blood around his wrists from struggling earlier. Kyo started to fuck him faster and his attention came back to his side of the bed, squeezing himself around the blonde's cock and gyrating his hips back against the thrusts.

Fea looked down at Die, the feminine noises turning him on instantly, making him work even harder, not holding back at all. One hand clawed at Die's chest, down his stomach, snagging a nipple on the way. "Unn... you feel amazing. So tight..."

Die's cries got even louder if it was at all possible and he knew Kyo's neighbors probably hated him right then, though it would give Kyo a good image of having a woman he was fucking if they bothered to know who Kyo was. The hand down his chest made it all that much better and he started writhing, not bothering with staying still, his hands clawing at whatever he could reach, which eventually included Kaoru's side and Kyo's hand before he got a fistful of cover and strained hard, so close to his orgasm already it wasn't even funny.

Fea felt Die getting close, sensing it off him, and though his muscles were starting to burn from working so hard, having planned to lag back for a while to recuperate for a bit before going back to the whiplash pace, he stuck with it, wanting to feel Die cum, wanting to do as Kaoru had said and bring him off until he begged for mercy. It only took a minute more before Die was gone, hurdling off the cliff into blissful orgasm. His body clenched down and then began to spasm, wetness soaking Fea's thighs and crotch. He came so hard, he literally screamed, the veins in his neck standing out, body arching and arms clenching.

Fea didn't stop, turning down the intensity somewhat, but keeping the pace, rubbing Die's clit with his thumb. He wasn't unfamiliar with squirters and, if anything, he was pleased to have gotten him off so well. Kaoru, who was taking Kyo's cock like a champ, smiled at Die, watching him. "Mmmm... that looks good, baby. Is it?"

Die sort of plopped back down once his orgasm was completely done, head lolling to the side to stare at Kaoru while he panted, trying to catch his breath. He nodded, "Hnngg." Fea's constant attention to his clit was somewhere between wonderful and painful, but he wasn't about to complain right then, sort of lazing in the intense afterglow of an orgasm like that.

Kyo folded Kaoru's legs up against his chest, making him shout for a moment. He kept looking over at Die, at Fea still going at him, rubbing a nipple now, as well. Kyo had gone from gentle to rough again, taking him savagely. He had sunk into a high with it, enjoying every bit, and the best part was yet to come. As he felt Kyo start to lose it, he wriggled and bucked and squeezed his ass to try and help him along. The blonde fucked him at a staggering pace, grunting and seething, biting him and clawing his chest bloody. And then, it was Kaoru, not Kyo, who was screaming. 

" _Yes, oh fucking yes!!! Aaaah, god, yesssssss!_ " His head snapped back and he pushed his hips as close against Kyo as he could, the blonde huffing and panting, emptying into Kaoru. The older man bucked and moaned, mad with pleasure. "Oh fuck, oh god." 

Kyo laughed at him breathlessly, sitting up and pulling out. A stream of cum leaked from Kaoru and he moaned, Kyo watching it before stopping it with the head of his cock and wiping it back up the crack of Kaoru's ass, stuffing his cum back into Kaoru with his cock, sinking all the way in and thrusting a few good times, making tears come to Kaoru's eyes and choked sounds of absolute pleasure come from him.

Die's attention snapped over to Kaoru and Kyo about the time that Kaoru started yelling. His eyes raked over them, thinking how incredibly hot they were together. Licking his lips, he watched until Kyo had cum, smirking and then focusing on Fea again, clenching down hard. "Cum, damn it," he growled out, giving Fea the sexiest look he had.

Fea laughed, breathless and sweaty, his dark hair sticking to him. He leaned over and cupped Die's cheek with one large hand, kissing him sloppily. "Not until you cum again. Then I will."

Die whined, knowing it would be a while before he could get off again. Squirming, he tried to sort of get up. "Wanna turn around," he muttered out.

Fea stopped for half a second, letting Die move as he pleased. Kyo had pulled away from Kaoru and went to wash himself, not wanting to end up giving Die some kind of awful infection from switching from anal to vaginal. Kaoru was just a limp doll on the bed, eyes closed, legs clamped together like he was holding Kyo's seed in. Die managed to get himself completely turned around so he was on his hands and knees and impaled himself on Fea's cock once more, moaning at the feeling of it. "Fuck me hard," he let out, though it sounded more like a command than anything else.

Fea immediately complied, watching Kaoru's eyes opened a bit and look up at his lover, watching them. Die set up some form of almost-squawking, clinging to whatever he could so his head didn't hit the headboard. It was overly obvious though, that he was still having immense fun with the whole thing.

Kaoru tried to squirm closer to them, trying to get a better view of Fea's cock invading his lover. He was still breathless, his chest lazily bleeding from one particularly deep scratched Kyo had left. His wrists were raw and he knew he'd look like he'd been beaten up and raped by morning, but at the moment, he didn't care. Fea laughed at both of them, slapping Die's ass hard and bucking into him, really fucking enjoying it, doing his best to hold out until Die had gotten off again before he let go. Die really let the whole damn world know he was enjoying it when Fea slapped his ass. His butt arched up more and he whined, knowing if he got his ass spanked raw at the same time he was being fucked like this, he'd definitely go off like a rocket.

Fea laughed again, slapping Die's ass a few more times. Kyo came back in with a hot washcloth and sat down, gently cleaning Kaoru up, washing the blood off around the handcuffs but leaving him fixed to the headboard. He watched Fea and Die and added a couple of his own smacks to the redhead's ass, leaving red welts behind. It only took Kyo and Fea both smacking his ass before he lost it, gasping and then shuddering as he came a second time, drenching Fea just as much as the first time. He sort of pitched forward, face buried in the pillow while he tried to find all the pieces of himself and glue them back together.

Kyo sat stroking Kaoru's side, both of them watching as Fea doubled his pace and followed after Die with a strained groan, slamming into him and filling him with a much needed release. As soon as Die felt it, he let out a quiet moan, waiting until it was  
all inside him before he let himself slump down at all, waiting on Fea to pull out so he could roll over.

When Die slumped down, Fea let himself slide out, crawling on his knees over to Kaoru, straddling his shoulders and pressing the crown of his cock, sticky and glistening with Die's juices, against his lips. "Suck." 

Kaoru opened his mouth, doing his best with the limited mobility. Kyo's eyes shined and he watched for a while, crawling over to lay beside Die, stroking himself to get hard again. Die couldn't help but watch them as well, resting on his back, making sure his hips were up on the pillows to keep Fea's cum inside. He smirked. 

"You like the taste of me, baby? You want more?" He waited until Kaoru had nodded at him and then he laughed. "Tough shit, still gotta wait." He reached one hand out, tracing over Kaoru's cheek and then grasping his hair, yanking it with a sort of purr.

Kaoru whined loudly in protest, Fea starting to pump into his mouth, choking him. Kyo lay on top of Die and reached over to stroke Kaoru's trapped cock. He could tell the torture was really starting to break him down and he honestly kind of loved it, wanted to push and push and push, holding back if only for Die's sake, not wanting to leave Kaoru a mess. Play like this could really get to a person's head. He stroked him for a while longer and then clawed his hip again before getting up on his knees between Die's legs, leaning to kiss a nipple, tonguing at it a bit while Fea started to full out fuck Kaoru's mouth, shoving his cock down the other's throat, yanking his hair to get his head in the right position to swallow all of him. Die watched the entire thing, his hand stroking over his cheek before he ran his hand over Kaoru's arm, brushing it back down. Letting out a gentle little sound, he patted him and then moved his hand back to his side of the bed. Die whimpered when Kyo rolled over on top of him. Just having someone on him like that again made him feel all tingly.

Fea pulled back, Kaoru gasping for breath, and no sooner had he caught it was Fea's hand clamped down around his throat and his cock shoving into him. Kaoru's scream was silenced in his throat and Kyo turned his attention back to Die, nudging the head of his cock against the redhead's pussy. 

"Are you sore?" he asked, wondering if Die could already feel the effects of Fea's thorough pounding. 

Die nodded. "Yeah, a little," he murmured softly. Flushing lightly, he arched toward Kyo, wanting him to go ahead and put his dick in him. He loved the feeling of this, wanted desperately to be filled up and fucked. And somehow the sheer thought that Kyo was getting sloppy seconds to Fea was incredibly goddamn hot to Die.

Kyo slid in nice and slow while Fea gave Kaoru the same jarring treatment he'd given Die. The blonde started to move slightly, moving around at different angles to see what Die liked best before he picked up any sort of pace. It took a while before Kyo finally hit an angle where he was rubbing against Die's g-spot, making the redhead moan quietly, his hand coming up to clutch Kyo's bicep. "Oh god," he whispered out, pleasure sliding across his features.

Kyo smirked, keeping that angle and thrusting; nothing too vigorous, but not easy, either. He stared down at Die with his uncomfortable intense gaze, sliding in and out of him, having missed the odd texture inside him. It was something he couldn't imagine enjoying with a woman, but found fascinating and so good with Die. 

Die licked his lips, staring up at Kyo, unable not to. It was something about that gaze: you either looked the hell away or you stared right back. There was no other option. His other hand reached out, touching Kyo's chest, running his fingertips over it, marveling at the feel, groaning quietly.

Kyo grabbed Die's wrist, pulling his hand closer as encouragement to be touched, working faster, harder. Fea was shaking the bed enough to slam against the wall, nearly splitting Kaoru in two, pulling out completely, as he'd done in the video Kyo sent them, and plowing back in, Kaoru letting out what could have been a sob each time he was penetrated, feeling abused and somehow loving it. When Fea found his second end, Kaoru was in tears of frustration, but nevertheless, pulling Fea closer with legs around his waist, huffing out, "Please, nnn... fill me up!"

Fea collapsed over him, gripping his hair and pulling his head back, panting against his lips for a moment and then giving him as soft a kiss as his breathlessness allowed, petting him, staying inside him for a while, trying to comfort him and calm him down from the treatment he'd taken so well. Die allowed himself to get even closer to Kyo, rubbing over his nipples and then down over his abdomen, his nails coming in after a few courses over the whole area. He loved touching that torso and he couldn't stop himself from doing it however he was allowed. Something about being in bed with three gorgeous men was like living in a true fantasy world for him.

His head lolled to the side to look at Kaoru, smirking. "I think Kaoru should cum in me, too, before he licks it all out," he purred.

Kyo was making some very pleased noises at the attention from Die's nails, pulling the long legs around him and thrusting harder, eyes slipping shut. Fea chuckled at Die's comment and slipped out of Kaoru, laying down beside him for a while, gently pulling his fingernails over the marks Kyo had left, making Kaoru squirm and whine. "He will, he will. I was thinking the same thing. More degrading that way." His smirk seemed more like a sneer.

Die chuckled. "Nah... he wants it."

Kaoru tagged on in a quiet voice, "Nn, no, I like it." 

Die's remark was quickly followed up by Kaoru's and he grinned. "See..." trailing off, he crossed his legs behind Kyo, keeping him in him closer, liking the feel of someone being close to his body right then. Reaching up, he tugged Kyo down and all but crushed his lips against the other man's, tasting Kaoru and Fea there as well, moaning at it.

Kyo hugged against him, starting to move faster. He sucked faintly on Die's bottom lip, growling. "Don't get ahead of yourselves, I have to finish first." Having stated so, he closed his eyes and started to focus, letting himself unwind and working towards his end.

Die let out a quiet moan, his own body working toward a third orgasm just from having someone else in him. With three lovers it was like his fantasies coming true. The things he spent most of his sessions alone fantasizing about were all coming together and he knew it was going to drive him absolutely crazy. His legs clung on tighter, hands roaming Kyo's body, his mouth attaching to his Adam's apple and sucking.

Kyo moved his head so that Die was sucking near (directly on would have been far too much just then) the spot about two inches under his left ear that made him into a quivering mess, his hips jerking, little high-pitched moans coming from him. He grabbed Die's shoulders and snapped his hips, hard, his speed picking up and his cries growing louder until he was cumming, whining in Die's ear. 

Die clung to him, feeling it as he was filled up, moaning against that spot and then licking at it before he whispered, "Touch me," desperately wanting Kyo to feel him when he came. He wanted to give all of them that chance tonight and he wanted to cum as many times as he possibly could.

Kyo recollected himself and sat up, rocking into Die and clumsily stroking at his clit with one hand, the other rolling a nipple between his fingers. Die squirmed around under him, more than happy to be where he was. He looked over at Fea and Kaoru, looking down at Kaoru's erection. It looked so painful and aching... and like Kaoru would just cum all over him once he got the chance. His eyes moved back up to Kyo, his hips jerking and then it was all over and he was plunging into orgasm, body clenching and releasing around Kyo's softening length, some of his own juices spilling out around Kyo as Die moaned out his appreciation.

Kyo grinned, kissing Die's chin before carefully pulling away. He grabbed the washcloth he'd used to clean Kaoru up and wiped himself off slightly before straddling Kaoru's chest, sitting his full weight on him. Kaoru whimpered slightly and Kyo grabbed him by the throat, forcing him to look up at him. Fea's bottom lip was seized between his teeth, watching with obvious arousal, almost hunger, a savage excitement. Die lay there, panting, waiting on Kaoru, his head turned to watch what was happening between Kyo and Kaoru. 

Kyo leaned down and hissed in Kaoru's face. "You're going to fuck him with the ring on, until I say so, or until he cums. Then you'll eat it back out of him like a good boy.” He popped Kaoru across the cheek, lightly, but enough to make a sharp smack. 

Kaoru tensed, struggling to draw in a breath, nodding quickly. Seeming satisfied, Kyo let go of him and reached up to undo the handcuffs, getting off of Kaoru's chest and laying down with Fea, playing with his hair. Kaoru rubbed his wrists and struggled to sit up for a moment, his eyes closing as he felt a bit of cum leak from him. He finally moved and shifted over Die, sore and aching, getting himself situated. Die shivered, smiling when Kaoru was released and came to him. Immediately, he put his arms around his lover, tugging him close and wrapping his legs around his waist, shifting so that Kaoru sank into him. He moaned at the obvious difference, his mind comparing all three lovers and finding he adored each one for a different reason.

"Use me," he whispered to Kaoru, wanting him to take whatever he wanted.

Kaoru let out a loud groan when Die jerked him forward, pulling him into himself. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his lover, kissing him needily. He started to thrust, finding it painful, the want for release and the denial of having it making him shake, but he kept going, doing as he was told, sucking at Die's neck and reaching down to stroke his little cock, hoping if he got him off quick, he could cum faster, too. Die attached himself to Kaoru, pulling him as close as possible, whimpering and moaning, feeling like he was leaking everywhere with all this cum inside him. He slid one hand down to Kaoru's hand, pressing his lover's palm against his lady-dick instead, liking that kind of friction better after all of this. For Kaoru's sake, he tried hard to get off faster, rocking his hips and straining, trying to get even a tiny orgasm out quickly.

It was maybe a few minutes and then he cried out, spasming slightly around Kaoru. It was all he could muster for the time being, damn near spent. But it still felt amazing and he knew it counted.

Kyo had Fea on his knees, hugging a pillow, fingering him slowly, making him rumble out soft moans. He laughed when he noticed Die cum, shifting away and gesturing for Kaoru to pull out, which he did carefully, Kyo taking off the cock ring with his clean hand. "You can cum now. When you're done, eat it all back out." He shifted back to Fea again, biting his hip hard enough to nearly draw blood and scissoring his fingers around, preparing to fuck him. He didn't know if he could even cum, or get completely hard, but he wanted to take Fea before the night was over.

Kaoru sank back into Die and nearly sobbed at how good it felt, having to stop, knowing he'd cum any second. He grabbed Die's hips and just pressed deep into him, eyes closed, and started making very short thrusts. Die let out a tiny whimper at being pushed back into, holding onto Kaoru once again while he whispered soft loving sentiments to the other. He knew Kaoru would cum soon and he was honestly glad it was going to be inside him.

Kaoru let Die's words send tingles through him and he was gone in less than a minute, whimpering and then letting out a long moan as his release hit him hard, hips twitching, straining towards Die as he added to the collection of spunk already inside him. Kyo just chuckled, getting up on his knees behind Fea and slowly pushing in, fingers tracing along the designs of his tattooed leg, the taller man shivering and pushing back against him, face buried in the pillow. Die let out a moan at the feeling of Kaoru's release inside him. He squirmed around and then smirked to himself. 

"Now you get to lick it all out, baby," he murmured.

Kaoru huffed for a while, not able - or rather, afraid - to move. His cock still felt like a live wire, but after a moment, it dulled enough for him to slide out and shimmy down between Die's legs. Fea crawled over on his elbows to Die, Kyo rocking in and out of him, slow and sensual, kissing across his back. He pushed some of his hair behind his ear and leaned over Die, kissing his cheek. "How are you feeling?" he whispered, one hand sliding over Die's stomach. 

Die peered up at Fea, his mouth hanging slightly open while Kaoru situated himself. He smiled and reached out one hand to hold onto Fea's wrist. "Amazing," he whispered, eyes glowing with pure bliss.

Fea's eyes slid shut and he reached back behind him, lacing his fingers with Kyo's. "Unh... me, too." He laughed at himself, moving over Die some more and kissing him gently as Kaoru pressed his lips around Die's abused hole, tongue spearing in to taste. Die whimpered, catching Fea's lips with his own, kissing him slowly while Kaoru licked him out. He moved his hand from Fea's wrist to his torso, tracing over his nipple and then down, lower and lower, until he wrapped his hand around Fea's dick, slowly stroking him, touches feather-light, matching the kiss and contrasting rather harshly with Kyo's movements into Fea's body.

Fea purred, stroking over Die's stomach, sucking lightly on his lips. He was only half-hard, but enjoying the soft touches and of course, the feeling of Kyo inside him. Kaoru was lapping away at Die obediently, eyes closed and tongue straining to reach deep inside. He pulled back and looked up at the redhead, stroking his leg to get his attention. "Push some?"Die let out a soft purr, clenching his muscles and tilting his hips to push out the rest of the cum inside him, letting his tongue just sort of play with Fea's. The whole thing was sort of lazy and relaxed and he rather liked it.

Kaoru lapped up the rest of it, sucking gently at the lips of Die's pussy while Fea kissed him slowly, Kyo slowing down, not in any state to get off again, just enjoying this for a while. After a long while, Die moved away from the kiss, stopping touching Fea's cock.   
He reached for Kaoru, murmuring, "C'mere," at him. 

Fea moved away, Kyo slipping out of him, curling up on Fea's chest and kissing him when his lover rolled over. Kaoru sort of blinked up at Die and then slowly crawled up his body, laying down and pressing his face into his neck, hugging him. Die slowly rolled them over to where they were pressed against Fea and Kyo's sides, Die on top of Kaoru. Very slowly, he started kissing over Kaoru's face and lips and chin and neck. He continued down, little by little, finding anywhere that had been even remotely abused and kissing at it, tenderly rubbing. It gave away a few things that Die hadn't really shared with anyone before, but he certainly knew what he was doing.

Kaoru shivered, laying still under Die, watching him kiss over the claw marks and already forming bruises. He glowed, feeling a rush of affection and love, a feeling of being wanted and cared for, trying to send it out to Die, not sure a "thank you" would really cut it. 

Fea smiled, tucking an arm around Kaoru, the other around Kyo, rubbing the older man's hair. "You okay?"

Kaoru rubbed his nose, still watching Die. "Sore, feeling slightly shaky, kind of scared. But it's getting better."

Die peered up at Kaoru when he spoke, his mouth pressing little feather-light kisses over Kaoru's wrist. He knew he was helping make it all better and he was proud to know he could. Kissing down his arm again, he moved over his chest, over to his other arm and wrist. One kiss was pressed to his palm and then he moved to his hips, kissing lightly, even pressing a kiss to the tip of his lover's penis. Down his inner thighs and then he came back up, moving to gently lay over Kaoru, careful not to get too close to all his cuts and bruises, positioning himself awkwardly to avoid it, his hand coming up to run gently over Kaoru's hair.

Kaoru closed his eyes and let out a deep purr, wrapping his arms around Die's waist. Being kissed all over like that had erased any feeling of discomfort or anxiety, filling him with a glowing, euphoric feeling. After a moment, he shifted. "Sticky," he croaked out, his voice hoarse from screaming and being choked. 

Kyo smirked and leaned over, kissing his shoulder before getting up. "You can take a bath, if you want. It will probably help you relax so you won’t be so sore in the morning. I'll change the sheets and you two can both sleep with us tonight, if you want. If not, there's the guest room. The bed's already made up and everything."

Kaoru made a tiny sound. "Don't wanna move. Tired." Fea laughed at him and stood, reaching under Kaoru to scoop him up. Kaoru rubbed his eye, chuckling. "Delivery service?" Fea just laughed again, nodding, padding into the large, tiled bathroom with Kaoru cradled against his chest, setting him in the big tub and starting to run water for him.

Die smiled softly, moving off Kaoru and watching Fea pick him up and head off toward the bathroom. After a moment, he sat up and sort of winced, climbing to his feet and popping his back. His lower half definitely was feeling the effects of what he'd had done to him and it really set him in a wonderful sort of place mentally. He smiled to himself, thinking that really... this had turned out really well. Hopefully no one had any hard feelings or anything.

He helped Kyo strip the bed before he sort of waddled off towards the bathroom, hoping to perhaps share that bath.

Fea was putting some rosemary scented bath salts in the bath with Kaoru, smiling at Die before going to help Kyo put new sheets on the big bed. Done with that, they came back into the bathroom, Kyo starting the shower so they could get clean, as well. Fea took the large pieces of stone out of his earlobes and set them on the counter, Kyo reaching up and hooking his finger in one stretched hole, gently tugging to make Fea bend over and kiss him before letting go and hopping into the shower. 

Die watched them both go and gestured slightly at the tub. "Mind if I join you?" he asked Kaoru softly.

Kaoru was up to his chin in water by now, looking content, knees tucked up to his chest. He turned sleepy eyes up to Die and gave a relaxed smile, nodding his head. Die gave a smile in return and then shifted around, crawling into the bath with him. He situated himself and reached for a washcloth, soaping it up real well and starting to wash himself down with it.

Kaoru just stayed curled up in a ball, content to soak, watching Die wash himself with interested eyes. Under the sounds of the shower, little hums and smacking of lips were heard from the Fea and Kyo, hugged together and locked in a lingering, slow kiss, the glass steamed up just a bit, Fea bent over with his arms around the blonde. 

Die peered out at the shower, smirking a bit and then looking back at Kaoru. "So," he murmured very softly, "everything okay?"

Kaoru nodded, leaning against the side of the tub. "Yeah. Gonna be sore as hell for a few days, but I'm fine." He nudged Die with his foot. "You?"

Die smiled at him. "I'll be slightly sore... not as much as you, I don't think, but it was all worth it." He made a tiny face and then shifted, squirming and then pulling out the butt plug, soaping it, rinsing it, and then putting it on the side of the tub with a blush. "Totally forgot it was there."

Kaoru started laughing, splashing Die and then shifting over towards him, kissing the side of his mouth. "So do you want to sleep with them tonight, or just us in the guest room?"Die pondered it for a moment, continuing to wash until he was done.

Putting the cloth aside, he shrugged. "It'd be nice and toasty with four of us. Kind of like... a sleep over." He laughed. "But I'm okay with whichever way you're more comfortable."

Kaoru nodded, reaching out to rub Die's knee. "I think I need a lot of cuddles tonight, so four would be great. Plus that bed is huge, and we're all really skinny." Die nodded. 

"Okay, I'm sure cuddle-ville can be managed." He grinned, pressing his fingers to his own lips and then to Kaoru's.

Kaoru blushed, leaning forward and catching Die in a real kiss, hugging him around the neck. Kyo turned off the shower and stepped out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist, handing another to Fea and digging two more out from under the sink for Die and Kaoru, setting them on the counter. 

"So you're staying in here with us tonight?" he asked, wetting his tooth brush and squeezing some paste onto it, Fea doing the same beside him, sticking the toothbrush in his mouth and just chewing on it for a moment while he wrung out his hair and quickly braided it. Die gently kissed Kaoru back, pulling away only when the question was asked by Kyo. 

He looked up and gave a nod. "More cuddles and warmth that way," he informed. "Sounds like a deal that can't be passed up!" He laughed softly, re-soaping the washcloth and handing it over to Kaoru before he started to shampoo his hair, dipping down to get it wet.

Kaoru took the washcloth and made a half-hearted effort to get clean, knowing he'd take a real shower in the morning. For now, he just wanted the warmth of the tub and to get the stickiness and a bit of left-over blood off him. Die finished washing up his hair, not bothering with conditioner, not feeling like wrestling with it right then. Getting up, he squeezed out his hair and grabbed the towel so he wasn't dripping everywhere, trying to mostly dry before getting out.

Kaoru just rinsed his hair out, really, and stood up, wobbling and grabbing a towel, stepping out and going into the bedroom. "Do you have any PJ bottoms I can borrow?" he asked of Kyo, who was pulling on a pair of basketball shorts to sleep in. Nodding, Kyo dug out some track pants and tossed them at Kaoru, crawling up onto the bed. "So what are our sleep arrangements going to be?" 

Die sort of finger-brushed his teeth before wandering off toward the bedroom as well. He just went and grabbed his boxer briefs, sniffing them. Making a face, he dropped them again. "Uh... got something I can borrow, too?" He tilted his head at the question and then shrugged. "I dunno... any ideas?"

A burst of laughter came from all three of them at Die sniffing his skivvies. Kyo nodded, digging through his drawer and finding a pair of pajama pants with little yellow stars on them, tossing them to Die to put on. Kaoru was swindling Fea out of a t-shirt, pulling it on, dwarfed by it, but feeling much more comfortable and safe in it. Fea crawled up onto the bed and tugged Kyo down with him, cupping against his back, motioning for Kaoru to come lay on the other side. 

"Die, you wanna sandwich him?"

Die crawled in as well, curling up against Kaoru's back, tugging the covers up since he was the last one in, and then draping his arm across as far as he could reach. Kaoru curled up with Kyo, trying to simultaneously move towards his warm chest and press back into Die. Fea tucked his long legs up and over them, his foot hooked at the back of Die's knee, seeming surprisingly comfortable that way. His hand came across and laid on Die's arm, making a big group hug of sorts. Die kissed Kaoru's shoulder and then rested his head on the pillows, yawning.

Fea pressed a kiss to Kyo's hair, pressing his face into it before turning off the light with a content sigh, Kaoru reaching behind him for Die's other hand, finding sleep quickly, his body exhausted, and everything else completely satisfied.

**To Be Continued…**


	58. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan, Mohini

The next morning, Kaoru crawled over Die to get out of bed, leaving the rest of them to sleep a little longer while he got up, used the restroom, and went to start making both tea and coffee while smoking a cigarette. His body protested throughout the day, but he managed to keep it together and in rather high spirits while he and Die went back to the hotel to get ready for Kyo's show. Kyo had given them a number to call when they reached the venue and instructed them to be there an hour before doors, and to wait by the flower shop on the other side of the block rather than at the entrance to the venue. Kaoru had found the clandestine ways amusing, but followed them implicitly, he and Die arriving and already noticing a huge crowd of girls up the street at the corner, waiting to be let into the venue. Several groups of guys were also there, but the crowd was primarily female, some already singing along to an iPod with Kyo's songs blaring from it.

Die waited alongside Kaoru, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his nerves on edge. He felt the way that some of the girls at the venue were acting, but he refrained from showing it on the outside. He was wearing black cargo pants with red flames on the back pockets and a red tank top with a red and black flannel over it. He intended to leave the flannel somewhere before the show, knowing it was going to get hot and sweaty.

Kaoru pulled out his phone and called the number Kyo had given them, informing a woman they had arrived. In less than a minute, a short woman with wide hips and a platinum blonde bob walked down the alley beside the flower shop, waving them to follow. "Come on, I'll take you in through the back."

When the girl came out to get them, Die followed along, feeling like some kind of VIP and getting a little giddier. He knew it was stupid and pointless given that Kyo was his best friend. But somehow, this was the other side of Kyo, the side he'd been a fan of long before meeting the real him.

She led them into a back door and down a stuffy hallway to a cramped dressing room where four young men were dicking around and fixing their hair, and at the back, by himself in a corner, was Kyo, putting makeup on some bruises and bites from last night. He saw them in the mirror and smiled, standing up and extending his arms, hugging them both. "Hey, we just got done with sound check, perfecting timing. Fea went to grab me something to eat."

Die looked around as they entered, sort of enamored by the whole thing, feeling like he was in the middle of fantasy-land rather than reality. When Kyo hugged him though, he was firmly plunked right back into reality and he blushed faintly, smiling and ducking his head. "I feel like such a retarded fanboy right now," he admitted softly.

Kyo laughed, watching Kaoru take out his camera and start snapping pictures of Kyo's band getting ready. "Why? It's just me." 

Akeno, Kyo's bassist, nudged Die's arm, joking to Kyo, "Hey, maybe he's _my_ fan, huh? Ever thought of that, you selfish prick?" He laughed, obviously joking, and went back to primping in the mirror.

Die shifted to look at Akeno. "Technically speaking... I'm a fan of all of you, really." He blushed faintly at Kyo before awkwardly murmuring, "Is there time to sorta introduce me around?" He wasn't sure if Kyo had really planned for him to want such a thing or if there wasn't time. Either way was fine, as he didn't really want to be in the way. Shrugging off his flannel shirt, he put it next to what he identified as Kyo's stuff.

Kyo nodded, putting an arm around Die's shoulders and putting two fingers in his mouth, whistling loudly to get their attention. "Alright guys, this is the reason we even have a show tonight. His name is Die, he's my best friend, and I wanted him to be able to see me perform on his first trip to Japan. The guy taking ridiculous amounts of photos of you is his partner, Kaoru." He pointed around the room at the band. "That's Akeno, bass, of course - I'm sure you already know this, but just to be polite - Shichi back there, he's drums, and then Maro, probably one of the best guitarists I've ever seen." All of them waved, Akeno giving a dramatic bow, before going back to getting ready and chatting.

Die's cheeks heated up even more when Kyo whistled to get everyone's attention. The introduction made it even worse, but he had this huge stupid grin on his face that told exactly how he felt. He waved back to everyone and chuckled at Akeno, giving him a slight bow in return.

Kyo leaned against the counter, smiling at both of them. "Oh! Here's your press pass." He handed a laminate to Kaoru, who put it around his neck. "You're cleared for the whole show, of course." Kaoru smiled, murmuring a soft, "Thanks".

With that all said and done, Die beamed at Kyo. "I'm incredibly excited about all of this!" He couldn't help but be giddy, loving every moment of it.

Kyo rolled his eyes at him a little, but was still smiling, turning around and checking his hair in the mirror, pulling on a silky, obnoxiously colored button-down, his pants super tight and black stretch, with three belts on and boots up to his knees with his pants tucked in. "You can watch the show from side-stage if you want, or the front, it doesn't matter. I just made Fea promise to stay with you if you go out in the crowd, especially if you're up front, so you don't get squished or mauled by the other fans. The shows, especially at the front, can get pretty... intense."

Die nodded. "I think I'd rather be in the audience if that's okay. Sometimes a crowd is a lot of the feel of a show and I'd like to enjoy that as well." He gave Kyo a smile. "I know I'll be bruised up, but I don't really mind." Rubbing his hands together, he glanced around. "Water fountain is... where?"

Kyo made a few considering sounds and then offered, "I don't think there is one." He dug a bottle of water from the cooler on the table and handed it to Die. "I'll make sure you and Fea get out on the rail before doors open, then." Sitting down, he went over the set list, checking lyrics and starting to get in the zone. 

"Thanks," Die murmured, taking the bottle and then shifting away to sit down and just watch everyone. He didn't want to interrupt anymore than he already was. Glancing around, he tried to figure out where Kaoru had gone off to, but not seeing him right off hand.

Fea showed up a minute later and put a bag of food in front of him, kissing the top of his head and greeting Die. "So, I get to be your body guard?"

"Yeah, apparently. I'd rather be in the crowd," Die responded quietly.

Kaoru returned from wandering off to take pictures of the stage, getting a little hug from Fea. "Take care of my baby, make sure he doesn't get smooshed." 

Fea laughed, nodding.

Die grinned over at Kaoru. "Hunny, it's the pit area... I'm gonna get smooshed. Just not... like... dead smooshed." He laughed.

Kaoru leaned forward and pecked Die on the lips, crossing his arms. "Mm, good. No dead DaiDai's."

Kyo canted his eyes at Kaoru being so sappy sweet, but didn't comment, putting his in-ears in, clipping the pack to the back of the waistband of his pants.

Die blushed faintly and then got up, straightening his shirt. "We should use the restroom before we go out."

Kaoru nodded, leaning to hook an arm around Die's waist and kiss his ear. "I'm going to head out front to get pictures of the line, alright? I might not see you, really, until after the show. Have fun, okay?"

Die leaned in, kissing him better for a long moment before pulling away. "You too," he murmured, heading out of the room and down the hallway, going the wrong way at first and then the right way, finding the bathrooms finally. He was quick to relieve himself and came right back, as fast as possible, looking still for all the world, nervous as shit.

Kyo grabbed him by the shoulders, squeezing and shaking him. "Calm down! It'll be great. And if it's not, lie and tell me it was." The musicians laughed, sitting around eating fast food while Kyo had steamed tofu and vegetables.

Die laughed. "I can't help it! You know I was a huge fan before I was ever your friend!" He shook his head a little. "It's like... residual. But at least I'm not queasy!" He patted Kyo's back. "I'm sure it'll be great. Never heard of you giving a shitty show."

Fea checked his watched, nodding. "I guess we should go out there, they'll be opening door soon." 

Kyo nodded and smiled at them, giving a little wave before Fea led Die out into the venue, walking over to the rail at the front. A staff member asked him in broken English if they were ready to open the house and he nodded, leaning against the rail. Die still looked a bit nerve-wracked, but was feeling a little better once they were on the way into the main hall. He wandered over to front and a little off-center, not wanting to grab the prime spot of the whole venue and piss someone off who'd been outside waiting forever. As it was, he was sure he'd piss someone off anyway. He glued himself to the rail and held on, taking a deep breath  
and letting it out. 

"Here goes nothing," he muttered under his breath.

Fea shook his head, smiling, not mentioning that there would be an hour before the show actually started. As people were allowed in, Fea stood behind Die, hands on either side of him on the rail to make sure they didn't lose track of each other and he could create a bit of a buffer for Die, if needed. The venue filled up, the anticipation mounting, girls stuffing themselves in around Die and Fea and beginning to chant Kyo's name, pumping their fists, the lights growing dimmer and the walk-in music becoming almost unbearably loud. 

It took Die a little while, but eventually, he joined in on the chants, not wanting to feel so out of place that he wasn't doing it, though he blushed something awful the entire time. It was both exhilarating and embarrassing.

Fea hugged Die around the waist, deciding to join in the chants, as well, which were now on, in English, "It's showtime!" Halfway through, the lights plummeted out into blackness and a scream went up, the entire place coming alive in the darkness, Fea having to push against the rail with his hands to keep from being mashed up against Die. Dim purple light came onto the stage and figures were seen just barely coming onto it, the screams grinding upwards, the sounds of bells blaring over the PA nearly snuffed out by it.

The wail of a guitar leveled the excitement of the crowd out and the lights came up, bright white, on the band, starting to teasingly play the intro to a particularly popular song, enjoying their little moment in the limelight before starting the song in earnest and the lights plunged back into a darker red. When Kyo emerged, it was as if out of nowhere, walking up to the microphone and snagging it just in time to start the first verse, all blazing, crazy eyes and tensed, twitching limbs, his long fingers ticking at his side.

Die joined in on the screams of excitement, squishing to the rail and bouncing a little, excited. Of course, he felt like a total retard, but standing there like he didn't care wasn't exactly an option either. When the band came on, he settled down, gripping the rail hard and watching the stage with rapt fascination, singing along, but making sure it wasn't loud enough to be heard even by Fea who was right behind him.

Kaoru was not among the first few photographers in the press pit, snapping photos quickly and then getting out of the way, seeming frightened by the exuberant fans throwing themselves against the barrier, reaching their hands out towards Kyo, screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs. It was as if everyone in the place was singing along. Fea did his best to blend in, watching Kyo and fending off the crowd as best he could.

Die wondered briefly where Kaoru was, but figured maybe he'd gone off to shoot from somewhere else. For a moment, Die regretted not having his own camera, but he knew Kaoru would get him something good anyway. Grinning stupidly, he reached with the other fans, allowing his excitement to carry him away into the world that Kyo and the others were creating for the next hour or so.

Kyo got through three songs before starting to open his shirt, meeting eyes challengingly along the first few rows. Akeno was hamming up the far side of the stage and Kaoru appeared, snapping shots of him and slowly working his way towards the middle along the press pit. Kyo's eyes met Fea's and a shiver ran through him, pressing up against Die as though he were Kyo, eyes locked on his lover for a good thirty seconds before Kyo turned away and tossed his shirt off. He screamed through the first verse of the next song rather than singing it, letting the crowd take the chorus, climbing on top of a monitor, hanging precariously outward, egging them on.

Die couldn't look away from the sexy scene Kyo was creating, only smirking when Fea crushed up against him. He pressed himself back into it, not really minding at all. After all, part of being in the crowd was having people pressed against you like that. Die gave the others in the band equal amounts of time, watching them and reaching for them as well, his body never stopping moving with the music.

Kaoru slid over and knelt under Die, snapping photos both of Kyo and of the flickering hands on the rail, the excited faces, the looks of desperation, release, anger, passion. And suddenly, when the song ended and Kyo walked over to the keyboard set up for him just in front of the drum riser, it all fell silent. Fea hugged Die around the waist and rested his chin on top of his head, enjoying the rest of the stilling of the sea of people for the moment, waiting for the first few notes.

Kyo started minimally, single notes, simple chords. His hair hung down and obscured his face, but as he grew more passionate, slamming his hands down on the keys and playing faster, more elaborately and finally the rest of the band came in, his hair was a damp, gold blur, being thrashed around as he beat at the keyboard, nearly knocking it off the stand as he stomped back up to the microphone, just screaming at it, his hands tensed into claws, palms upwards in front of him.

Die leaned back into Fea's arms, watching Kyo, his blood rushing through his veins, his adrenaline on full-tilt. It took a little bit for the crowd to start moving again, almost everyone starting up again once Kyo damn near knocked the keyboard over. Screams came back from the crowd when Kyo screamed and Die joined in, his attention completely on Kyo again. One hand raised in the air, the other held onto Fea's hands around his waist.

Kyo watched them for a moment, finding Kaoru with his eyes and staring directly into the lens for a moment before throwing himself back into the music for several more songs. Towards the last few, he began to move his body in obviously sexual ways, pouring with sweat, bringing his hand down his chest and over his dick, straining against the fabric if anyone was looking close enough.

That was when the madness truly sparked. For the last song of the main set, Kyo had chosen the heaviest, angriest song in his repertoire, the fans starting it first, shouting rhythmically and pumping their fists before Kyo began to scream and croon, raking his nails down from his neck across his chest, shaking with the intensity of whatever thing inside him was trying to get out. His eyes were glassy and wild, black and terrifying. Fea hugged onto Die a little more, somehow frightened by seeing Kyo like this, and had to fight to hold onto the rail and not get buffeted around by the now violently thrashing crowd.

Die threw himself into it, screaming right along with everyone else, screaming until his lungs begged for air and his throat ached. His body thrashed around just like everyone else's in the crowd, every ounce of energy he had going into it. Something about being right here, watching and feeling, was a million miles from any recording he'd ever watched. He'd always thought it somehow crazy that fans would push themselves into a frenzy like this. But being right there  
changed it all and he found himself swept up in it with a true passion. He screamed until he couldn't anymore, sang until his voice gave out, and brought himself so dangerously close to the ends of exhaustion that tears streamed down his cheeks completely unbidden.

Kaoru got down on his knees in front of Die, hunched under the rail, praying it didn't give under the thrashing crowd. He reached up and laid his hand over Die's, squeezing. Die barely even registered who was holding his hand, he just held it back and squeezed, managing to get enough of his voice back to cry out an-ko-re with the rest of the crowd.

When Kyo and the musicians left the stage, the energy seemed to teem only higher, a chant of "an-ko-re!" surging through the entire venue. A minute passed, two, three. The chant died and was resurrected twice before finally, Maro returned to the stage, throwing on his guitar, followed by Shichi and Akeno. When Kyo walked back on, obviously exhausted, there seemed to be a plateau of energy, a shift from passion and rage to expression of joy and gratitude. The first song of the encore began and Kyo's voice was breathless, soft, nearly hidden under everything else.

When Maro came on, Die let out a happy cry, immediately crushing back against the barrier, still not letting go of Kaoru's hand, his other outstretched toward the stage. He was soaking wet, his entire body covered in his own sweat and everyone else's, his once-styled hair now hanging limply around his shoulders, pieces of it plastered to his neck and cheeks. He felt exhausted, like he was going to collapse at any minute, but he couldn't completely seem to care, just desperate for the show to go on.

Everyone seemed to be on the same level, tired and aching, but sticking it through, swaying through the slower groove of the end of the first song and then fist-pumping and throwing themselves forward to head bang on every other downbeat for the next. Kyo was stumbling, exhausted, but his voice was still strong. Kaoru got up and took a few more photos, again making sure to get several of the crowd, especially of Die, and Fea, who was sagging, tapped into whatever weird energy was swirling around this place, raised by the music, by the fans, Kyo acting as its mad conductor.

Before the last chorus, Kyo picked up a cup from the drum riser and went to the edge of the stage, flinging out about thirty little buttons that were being sold at the merch table, as well. People dove on them, trying to catch them like falling leaves. When the song finally ended, Kyo was quickly off stage, the band soaking up a little more attention before they, too, wandered off. The crowd scrambled to find the rest of the buttons, reluctant to accept that the show was over, the pressure finally opened up and people began to leave.

Die managed to snag one of the buttons out of the air as the others zoomed right past him toward the rows further back. He stuffed it in his pocket and then waited on the pressure to give up enough for him to squirm out. The moment he could, he darted out toward the merch table, fighting his way through the masses to get near the front, most people just letting him through, seeming to be looking rather than buying. He got a t-shirt and one of the limited photo-presses, getting put on a list and his shipping info being taken down for it. Once he was completely paid up and had his shirt, he managed to shove his way back toward the hall, though he was stopped by security, telling him he needed to leave the venue.

Along with three or four other fans, he was pretty much escorted to the door and dumped outside. He groped around in his pants, finding his phone and making his way back to the flower shop from before, collapsing against the wall just inside the alleyway, dialing Kaoru to see if he could let him in maybe.

Kaoru answered immediately. "Hey, what happened to you? Fea lost you in the crowd."

Die answered rather sheepishly, "I went to get a shirt and I got tossed out by security. I'm in the alley next to the flower shop."

Kaoru laughed softly. "I'll be out in a minute." He hung up and found the door they'd come in through, making sure it was propped open and going down the alley to meet Die. "Come on. Kyo's in his me-space, but after, he said he'd take us out to dinner."

Die dragged himself along after Kaoru once his lover came and found him. He shut the door behind him. "Dinner sounds good... but I feel like a drowned rat right now." He plucked at his shirt, making a face. "I'm drenched."

Kaoru leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You still look sexy as hell to me." He lifted his camera and went back to review the last few shots, showing them to Die. Kyo was laying under a burnt out light in the back corner of a hall, sprawled on the dirty linoleum, a towel over the top part of his face, blood and sweat staining his chest.

Die stared down at the photo, his heart sort of in his chest, tears in his eyes. "Wow... that even hurts to look at," he whispered out.

Kaoru let the camera hang around his neck again. "He's getting better, drinking some water, getting cuddles from Fea. Come on." He started walking down the hall back towards the dressing room where the band was celebrating with a bottle of vodka, Kyo slumped over in his chair, cleaning his face.

Die managed to get into the room before he pretty much fell over against a wall, sliding to the floor and staring vacantly out in front of him. He was pretty damn drained and he could only imagine how Kyo probably felt.

Kaoru knelt down beside him, frowning and handing him some water. "You gonna be OK?"

Die reached out for the water, taking it from him and opening it, sipping lightly at it before nodding a little. "Yeah... I think so. Just... wow...."

Akeno pulled a chair up beside Die, Shichi leaning over it, offering him a shot. "How'd you like the show?" 

Die peered up at them, taking the offered shot and slamming it back, handing the glass back after a moment, letting out a little hiss of satisfaction at the burn. "You guys buy the good shit," he informed before grinning. After another sip of water, he murmured, "I really enjoyed it. I feel kinda bad I've never been before, but I've never had the chance."

Shichi shrugged, refilling the glass and handing it to Kaoru. "You saw us now. That's all that matters, right?" Maro was already packing up and saying good night, going home to his wife and daughter. Kyo got up and made Shichi and Akeno stop liquoring up Die and Kaoru.

"I'll get pizza on the way home, I just want to get a shower and lay on the couch. Is that cool?"

Die nodded, sort of half pushing himself up in order to say goodnight to Maro, nodding at Kyo's question and finishing off the water. "I think we'll probably stop by the hotel. I need to change... I'm like... incredibly stinky." He smiled at Akeno and Shichi, feeling like there were literally stars in his eyes watching all of them.

Kyo gave a nod. "I guess you guys go ahead and head out and meet me at my place? Maybe stay over there? I'm leaving for Kyoto tomorrow; you're still coming with me, right?"

Die smiled softly and glanced at Kaoru for an answer, hoping he'd answer it for him since he was kinda lost.

Kaoru rolled his eyes with a smile, nodding, helping Die up. "He'll meet you at your place in a while, and yes, he'll go with you to Kyoto. I'll take him back to the hotel to shower up and recollect himself for now, though." 

Kyo nodded and waved at them, Fea giving a little wave from the corner, where Shichi had been pouring him vodka for about ten seconds straight into a red plastic cup.

Die blushed a little, realizing his brain was really not functioning right then. He tugged himself up and went around the room, offering hugs to everyone in it still, not forcing them on them, but just opening his arms to see if they'd let him.

Shichi gave him a one-armed pat, Akeno picking him up, still full of the rush of energy playing gave him, Fea a soft squeeze, and Kyo wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back. "Thank you for coming. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I'll see you in a little while?"

Die squeaked a little when Akeno picked him up, giggling a little and hugging him back hard. "Thank you all so much," he murmured to everyone. He smiled at Fea and Kyo. "I'll be over in a bit, overnight bag and all."

Kaoru hooked an arm around Die, turning to wave at them before going out the back door and walking to the corner to get a taxi. He got in and told the address, putting his lens cap on the camera and sinking back against the seat. "I guess, since I have to be in Osaka tomorrow, you go down with Kyo and I meet you two in Kyoto the day after tomorrow? I have some interviews and stuff that day, but then we can have a day off there together before we have to go home."

Die crawled in the cab, leaning heavily on Kaoru, looking worn out. "Yeah, that works. I'll just take my stuff with me. I'm sure Kyo won't mind. That way you're not hauling it all around for me." He nuzzled into Kaoru's neck, not really caring that they were still technically in public. "Will you take me once before I go?" he whispered softly.

Kaoru was confused at first, thinking he'd forgotten some previously discussed plan. Take him where? Then he realized, surprised. He couldn't even _think_ about sex after last night. He looked at Die, showing his shock. "Aren't you sore?"

Die blushed, shrugging a little. "Incredibly so... but I want to be close to you." Besides that, the energy from the concert had been swirling with sexuality and while he was exhausted, he was also rather aroused.

Kaoru chuckled, putting his arm around Die's shoulders. "Alright. If I can even get it up, sure." He laid his head on Die's shoulder, quiet the rest of the ride back to the hotel.

Die smiled softly, reaching over and holding Kaoru's hand, squeezing it gently. Once they arrived at the hotel, Die paid for the cab and then got out, plodding through the lobby and punching the elevator button, thankful when it opened immediately.

Kaoru hummed, linking their pinkies and swinging their hands back and forth, pulling out the room key and opening it up, taking off his shoes and dumping his camera bag and press laminate on the table, turning quickly to catch Die in a kiss, hands smoothing across his lower back.

Die waited until the door closed and then put the tour shirt on the dresser, dumped out his pockets, and then pretty much stripped on the spot. Once he was done, Kaoru had his hands on him and his mouth pressed to his. Die smiled into it, happy.

Kaoru tugged him close, nibbling at Die's bottom lip, bending down and all but putting his nose in Die's armpit before kissing along his shoulder. "Is it weird I think you smell sexy when you're all sweaty and gross?"

Die blushed at the way Kaoru was sort of sniffing at him. "Maybe... but I'm weird, too, so it's all good." He laughed and gently tugged at Kaoru's hair a little, his other hand running over his lover's back.

Kaoru purred, his eyes sliding shut, squeezing one of Die's ass cheeks. Moving his other hand there, as well, he hoisted Die up and turned, setting him on the dresser, pushing between his legs. "Keep tugging. If you want a rough quicky, you'll get it."

Die let out a little moan, both his hands coming to Kaoru's hair once he was on the dresser, pulling on Kaoru's hair while he nibbled at Kaoru's mouth, licking in between the little love bites.

Kaoru let out a loud moan, lust shooting through his blood. He reached between them and started getting out of his pants, kicking them off, pressing his half-hard cock against Die, just grinding, trying to get out of his shirt without breaking the kiss, despite knowing that was impossible.  
Die let out a little laugh, pulling back enough to get the shirt off Kaoru and then going right back to kissing him and yanking on his hair with varying ferociousness.

Kaoru humped Die, his cock sliding against his groin, seeing if it might slip in on its own as a fluke, wanting the moment of penetration to be a sudden one. When he finally pulled back enough and moved forward at just the right angle, the feeling of Die's tight heat around him out of nowhere made him gasp, crushing Die against his chest, letting out a loud moan.

Die let out a cry at Kaoru slipping into him, his pussy already moist and ready for Kaoru. He let out a groan at being filled, squirming around a little and then yanking Kaoru close as well, one hand on his shoulder, the other still tugging at his hair. "Oh god... Kaoru... yes," he hissed out.

Kaoru hissed, kissing Die's neck hungrily, tasting his sweat and skin. "Nnff... pumpkin, you're amazing." The harder Die pulled his hair, the harder he fucked him, on the nerve-frazzled edge of over indulgence, hoping Die was just as close.

Die let the frantic pace guide him up, finally moving his hand down between them, the other still in Kaoru's hair. He rubbed at his lady-dick almost desperately, moaning and whining, the dresser shaking from them fucking so hard on it. He pulled harder on Kaoru's hair, his eyes rolling back in his head as he came, spasming around his lover, a cry that was almost a scream ripping free from his lips.

The sharp tug to his hair, the cry from his lover's lips that he was sure woke the neighbors, his body pulsing around his cock, all of it had Kaoru crashing into a brick wall, moaning against Die's neck as he pulsed a hot offering of his seed into the other man's body. Panting, he pulled away, slipping out of Die, all smiles as he pet his thigh. "Go shower." He winked and went over to the bed, sinking down on it and flipping on the television.

Die let Kaoru go when he was done, just sitting there for a moment while he caught his breath. Once he had, he got up and went to get a washcloth to clean the dresser. Done with that, he slipped into the shower, turning the hot water on full blast and starting a rather thorough scrub-down.

Kaoru stayed naked on the bed, not really bothering with clothes or anything else just then. Instead, he looked through the take-out menus in the bedside drawer. If Die was going to eat with Kyo, he'd have to order something for himself, half-starved.

Die finished up in record time, despite feeling like jelly. Coming out, he dug around for a new pair of pants and boxer briefs, going to wash his packer and then use corn starch on it. That done, he slid it into his pants, did them up, and tugged on the tour shirt. After that, he packed up his bags - a fairly easy task, and then came to hug Kaoru. "Be careful and I'll see you very soon, okay?"

Kaoru stood up, squeezing Die back and walking him to the door, wrapping the sheet around him just in case there was anyone in the hall. He opened the door and propped it open with his foot, kissing Die, then again, and again. "Love you." He gave him a few more short kisses, touching his hair. "Call me?"

Die chuckled, kissing him as well each time. "I love you, too and trust me, I will." He kissed him good and hard once more before smiling and wandering out the door and down the hall, turning to wave back at him.

Kaoru sort of hung out the door, waving back before closing it up and hopping in the shower while he waited for his food to get delivered.

Die hopped in a cab, gave Kyo's address, and then pulled his phone out, texting him. _On my way. Sorry I took so long._

Kyo texted back, laying on the couch. _It's OK. I just got out of the shower and ordered pizza. Do you want booze? Shi and Akeno got Fea fucking plastered._

Die laughed when he got the text. _Of course I want booze. I'm me._

Kyo smirked. _Good. You can keep Fea company. He's like... obnoxiously drunk, trying to make eggs. Please get here before he burns my apartment down._

 _About half way there, I swear. I'll see what I can do about him, haha._ He sent the text and shook his head, grinning to himself at the image. _I'll try to empty my feelings here about the show. It was amazing and I'm sad I never went before. But it was incredible and powerful and a hundred times better than I ever expected (and I had high expectations, Kyo)._

_:) I'm glad. I'm so fucking exhausted and I can hardly talk right now. But I guess it's worth it as long as you liked it._

Die smiled at the reply, typing out one of his own. _I know it's odd... having me fanboy over you when I'm your best friend. But I can't help it sometimes. You really are amazingly talented. Just pulled up, be there soon._ He sent it, stuffed his phone in his pocket, paid the driver, and then hauled his suitcase and backpack out, heading to the elevators. It wasn't but a few minutes later and he was knocking on the door.

Fea opened the door, leaning heavily on it, his eyes glassy, obviously very drunk. Kyo was opening up a pizza box, pulling a piece onto his plate, waving Die in. "Come get something to eat."

Fea laughed for no good reason, stumbling back towards the couch and looking at Die. "I burned the eggs."

Die rolled his eyes at Fea, closing the door and leaving his stuff by it and then making sure to lock up. He first went to the kitchen to make sure the burnt eggs were disposed of and there would be no fire.

Once that was done, he took off his flip-flops and padded into the living room, plopping down between Fea and Kyo, grabbing a piece of pizza. "No fires," he informed Kyo.

Kyo nodded, glaring at Fea a little, pointing at the pizza. "Eat. I love you, but you are annoying as shit right now and need to sober up." 

Green eyes turned sad and Fea reached to grab a piece of pizza, picking at it and eating it in little bites. 

Kyo sighed and leaned on Die. "How are you feeling?"

Die patted Fea's leg gently, giving him a little smile. "I'm aching and tired, but there is no way in hell I'm sleeping for at least a few hours after that show."

Kyo gave a weak smile. "Please, go raid my liquor cabinet. Catch up with him so maybe you can deflect him off me. I don't know what they gave him, some kind of fucking moonshine, I think, but he is getting on my goddamn nerves." He had switched to Japanese so he wouldn't hurt Fea's feelings, knowing he was very, very drunk and couldn't really help it.

Die let out a little laugh, finishing his piece of pizza before leaning over and hugging Kyo, murmuring, "Don't worry, I'll keep us occupied." He gently ruffled Kyo's hair and then plodded off to the kitchen, motioning for Fea to come with him. "C'mon, buddy. Let's go get me hammered."

Fea got up, nearly toppling back over onto the couch before getting the forward momentum to follow Die into the kitchen, pointing to Kyo's liquor cabinet, digging in another cabinet for himself, finding some Swiss Cake Rolls. "Fuck. He's so mad at me... I'm trying to behave, but I'm on that edge of giddy and about-to-black-out." He slumped against the counter, shoving a pastry into his mouth after getting it out of the wrapper. "And I really want to fuck him after seeing the show, but he says he's too tired."

Die dug around in the liquor cabinet, pulling out a half-empty bottle of vodka and then went to the fridge, getting some orange juice out. Shrugging a little, he poured in the juice until the bottle was about three quarters full, closing the lid and tilting it back and forth a few times. He put the juice back and then went to Fea, snagging a pastry as well. "It's okay. I think he just poured all of himself into the show is all. There's nothing left right now." He squeezed Fea's arm a little in a reassuring manner before opening the vodka bottle and taking a healthy swig. "See if he wants to watch you get yourself off maybe?" He shrugged a little. "That can be sexy, too."

Fea's eyes widened, suddenly sparkling. He grabbed Die around the waist and kissed the corner of his mouth. "You're a fucking genius, mate." He wobbled back towards the living room, cooing, "Oh darling..." 

Kyo was already rolling his eyes.

Die winced a little once Fea was heading off to the living room. He thought hard at Kyo. _Just hear him out. He just wants to love you._ He hoped that would help the situation at all. But just in case it didn't, he followed after, coming to sit on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, snagging another slice of pizza, downing another huge gulp of the booze.

Kyo sighed, putting his pizza aside and looking at Fea, who was on his knees on the floor before him. "What?" 

Fea bit his lip a little, leaning forward to kiss him. Kyo pushed him away with a hand against his chest. " _What?_ "

Fea sank back on his heels, shoulders drooping. "What, I can't even kiss you now?" He pouted and his eyes shined a little, his bottom lip quivering.

Kyo raised a brow. "Are you... are you crying?" 

Fea wiped at his eyes and glared. "No..."

Kyo sighed heavily, sitting up a little. "You are. Goddammit..." He leaned forward and put his arms around Fea's neck. "I'm sorry... I get really cranky when I'm tired like this, and you get really fucking irritating when you're drunk like this. I love you, OK?"

Die frowned a little, but he kept quiet, mostly eating his pizza and drinking his booze, though he kept an eye on them. Right then he felt really bad for Fea and all he wanted was to hug the other man close.

But he didn't act on it, waiting to see if Fea would even ask to do what Die had come up with. Hopefully Kyo would just let him since it didn't have to involve him doing anything but keeping his eyes open.

Fea pulled back and looked up at Kyo, pouting. Kyo huffed, rolling his eyes. "Fine." He tapped his lips. "You can give me a kiss." 

Still a little mopey about Kyo's abrasive mood, Fea leaned in hesitantly, kissing him softly, pushing a hand into his hair and smoothing it away from his face. He knew what got Kyo, though, drunk or not, and the kiss lingered on, Kyo's eyes slipping shut and giving into it a little. 

When Fea pulled back again, he bit his lip, his resolve weakening. "What do you want?"

Fea pursed his lips and made his jewel-green eyes as large as possible to enhance any innocence he was able to feign. "Watch me jerk off? Maybe let me touch you?" 

Kyo's face didn't change, pondering the idea.

Die studied the two of them while they kissed, a soft smile on his lips. What jealousy he'd once felt when looking at the pair was now gone, only a soft pleasant feel inside him. He couldn't say his feelings had disappeared, because they hadn't. But he had accepted Fea in much the same way and it made it easier to just feel happy for both of them. He finished off his pizza and then just concentrated on his booze, pulling out his phone and texting Kaoru. _You cool with me  
watching them? I won't get involved. But if I shouldn't watch, I kinda need to leave the room in the next few minutes._

Kaoru rolled over, grabbing his buzzing phone, watching some ridiculously cheesy gore film on late night TV and eating Italian take-out. He read the text and laughed. _I don't mind if you watch, and I trust you if you want to get involved._

Die blushed a bit at the text. _I love you, baby. -kisses-_ He sent it and took another swig from the bottle, almost down to a quarter left.

Kaoru sent a glitter graphic of hearts back and relaxed on the bed. Something about the other night and knowing Kyo had a lover of his own had eased the jealous monster in him. He still didn't particularly want to know details, but he trusted that Die wouldn't run off or whatever other ridiculous fears had kept him so overbearing in the first place.

Kyo was stalling, keeping Fea in suspense, eating another piece of pizza and asking him all sorts of silly questions, like if he was going to use lube, his right or left hand, if he was going to kiss him, where he would do it, etc. Obviously, it was doing the job he'd set out for it to do, which was wind Fea up something crazy. Finally, he looked over Fea's shoulder at Die. "What about him? Can he watch, too?"

Die settled back, listening with a little smirk on his face while he just played with the bottle, the world feeling a bit on the twirly side. He flushed slightly when Kyo mentioned him. He said nothing, just waited on Fea's decision.

Fea sort of laughed. "Duh. It was his idea. And um... where were _you_ last night? I don't think I have any right to mind if he watches."

Kyo rolled his eyes again, looking over at Die, switching to Japanese. "Did you bring a fake cock or something with you on this trip?"

Die snorted a little, downing some more of his booze. Swallowing, he studied Kyo for a long moment. "Yeah, I did," he murmured back in Japanese.

He quirked his brow, Fea looking back and forth between them, lost. "Would you maybe wanna..." He smirked evilly, leaning back into the couch cushion."Fuck him?" he asked softly, 

Thinking of the text Kaoru had just sent him, he was pretty much allowed, but the truth was, he was sort of wary of doing something without Kaoru there to see it. He wouldn't want Kaoru to do something without him there and he didn't think he should do it either. Gnawing on his lip a little, he thought about it. After a few moments, he shook his head. "I don't think I should  
without Kaoru here. But I am willing to keep him distracted for you if you want... fondle him a little while he jerks off?"

Kyo frowned a little. "Honestly, I was just out for the mind fuck. I figured it would be degrading for him if he wanted me to fuck him and I had someone else do it, instead. But if you really won’t... will you at least come sit next to me so we can maybe down-talk him together?" He knew he sounded like a horrible sadist, but really, it was true, and the rage and madness was still in his system from the show.

Die pushed himself up off the floor and came over, flopping down next to Kyo. "I'll follow your lead, okay?"

Fea, still out of the loop, looked confused. He sat back and looked up at Kyo pleadingly, wanting to know what was going on. Kyo leaned forward a little like he was about to move in to kiss him, and at nearly the last moment, spat in Fea's face, making him squawk, startled. He blinked, wiping the spit from his face. "Fine, you can jerk off you fucking slut. But you do what I say. Got it?"

Fea trembled, seeming both aroused and genuinely frightened. He nodded and started rubbing himself through his jeans, eyes locked on Kyo's, who sat back and simply watched for a bit.

Die arched an eyebrow, but said nothing, just watching for the time being. He genuinely felt aroused by the sight of Fea doing what he was. Licking his lips, he wondered just how far he was supposed to go with his end. He wanted to leave Kyo in charge, but still be able to say things. He just needed to figure out how to go about it. "Take it out," he hissed out once he could stand it no more, wanting to see Fea's dick again.

Fea looked to Kyo, who gave a single nod, before following orders, undoing his fly and pushing his jeans and underwear down around his thighs, his cock springing out, hard as hell. Biting his lip, he waited, suspicious that if he touched his bare cock without being told to, he could get accused of going against Kyo and be punished.

Die stared at the hardened flesh, shifting a little in his seat. Arousal stirred in his belly and he upended the bottle, finishing it off and putting it on the coffee table. He rubbed a little at his own  
thigh and then tilted his head, speaking in Japanese. "I wonder... has he ever tried sucking it himself? Like... upside down? I mean, it's long enough if he's flexible enough."

Kyo smirked. "We'll find out." Kyo switched back to English, tilting his head at Fea. "Slut, you do yoga. You're familiar with plow pose?" Fea nodded. "Get naked and get into it." 

Seeming confused, Fea just followed orders, standing to take his pants off, the bright colors and solidness of his tattooed left leg in stark comparison to the pale, mostly inkless skin of his right. He tossed his shirt off and got back onto the floor, lying with his side facing them, and rocked backward, putting his feet up over his head. The blonde purred a little, admiring his lover's muscular ass. "Tell him what you want to see," he whispered to Die.

Die watched Fea do as he was told, smirking a bit and then murmuring, "Try to suck your dick. Even if you can only get the tip of it, do it."

Fea groaned a little. If he wasn't so drunk, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but he wondered how long he could stay like this and not puke or fall over. Carefully, he walked his feet outwards, bringing his dick closer to his mouth. He let out a little "ouch," his long hair caught under him, but kept going, the very tip kissing his lips, with more room to spare. Hesitantly, an odd sensation, indeed, he put out his tongue and licked the slit, shivering.

Die let out a loud groan the moment Fea licked at the tip of his dick. In rushed Japanese, he whispered, "Oh god... he can." One hand tucked down between his thighs and he rubbed a little, feeling too antsy to not do something about this.

Kyo purred, leaning over to lay his head on Die's shoulder to get a better view. "Suck yourself off. Don't cum unless I say you can." 

Fea's cheeks darkened, seeming embarrassed, but he began to do as he was told, sucking at his head, tongue wrapping around it, his toes curling. After a minute or two, it became apparent that this was not the first time he had done so to himself.

Die whimpered a little and then gave up on not being blatant. He opened his pants, pushing his hand inside, behind the packer, starting to rub at his clit before sliding one finger down inside himself and starting to fuck himself with it. "Just like that," he muttered out in English, "suck it like the slut you are." Not that he had room to talk.

Kyo held back the laugh he wanted to let loose at Die, pushing himself forward to look at Fea. "Is that how much you want cock, huh, whore? That you'd suck your own? You're a fucking cock-whore." He was very particular not to touch Fea at all, making sure he noticed it, too. After a little bit longer, he told him to stop. "Be nice to our guest. Go to my room, there's a bullet vibrator and an egg with a remote. Bring me both." 

Whimpering, Fea unfolded himself, getting up, feeling a little lightheaded and dizzy from being in the position, and going into the bedroom, digging through Kyo's drawer of toys and locating the items requested, getting a few condoms, as well, just in case, as well as a small bottle of lube.. He brought them back and put them in Kyo's lap.

The blonde picked up the bullet and a condom, handing them to Die. "Here." He left the lube and egg where they were, glaring at Fea. "Well, get back to it." 

Immediately, Fea laid down and turned himself over, starting to suck on himself again.

Die blushed, listening to Kyo. Something about Kyo talking down to Fea like this was actually really arousing. When Fea left the room, Die pulled his hand out of his pants, blushing a bit. He sort of realized that maybe he should be paying attention to Kyo and taking tips to try things with Kaoru.

When Fea came back and Kyo gave him the bullet, he accepted it, opening the condom and tucking the bullet in the bottom of it, rolling the condom up the cord a bit.

He stood and pushed his pants and boxers off, putting his packer aside before he settled back down. Spreading his legs, he propped one up and then slid the bullet inside with a soft moan. Turning it on, he gasped softly and blushed a little, going back to fingering over his clit.

Once Die was situated, he handed him the egg, another condom, and the lube. "Put it in him. Don't be too gentle."

Die shifted a little, taking the egg and the condom. He opened the condom and rolled it over the egg, making sure the little ring was sticking out where he could get ahold of it. Moving to the edge of the couch, he quickly lubed the outside of the condom and then moved touch Fea's ass, rubbing it against his hole for a moment before pushing hard. He didn't wait, just popping it inside and letting his fingers rest inside for a moment before he pulled back, making sure the little ring was where he could get it. Smirking, he moved to sit back against the back of the couch, fingers going back to fondling himself.

Fea screamed when Die shoved the toy in, stopping what he was doing for a minute and trying to relax, a flare of pain going through him. After a moment, he regrouped himself and went back to sucking, starting to get edgy, close to being ready to ask to cum. 

Kyo had the remote to the egg on his knee, but didn't touch it. He watched Die for a moment, then cleared his throat. "Go get me a drink, slut."

Fea stopped sucking. 

"Yes, you. Rum, on the rocks. Now."

Scuttling up to his feet, Fea went into the kitchen, pouring a drink. Kyo pressed a button on the remote.

Die chuckled a little when Kyo told Fea to go get a drink for him. He bit his lip a little and continued pushing the bullet in and out a little, turning it up a bit, distracted by his own pleasure. He let out another soft moan, hips arching up into his own touch. "Fuck," he whispered quietly.

There was a gasp from the kitchen and Kyo gave a dark chuckle, noting how Fea's hand shook and how rigid his back was when he returned with the drink. Kyo made sure not even their fingers brushed when he took it. "Get back to it." As soon as Fea was on the floor again, he shut the egg inside him off, watching him go back to sucking himself. A second later, he turned it back on, just laughing as he lover squirmed, moving his hips as much as he could and sort of fucking his own mouth.

Die watched their interaction, his eyes dark. He knew he was gonna cum soon and he slipped forward on the couch a little, not wanting to mess up Kyo's couch with his lady jizz. "Come here," he let out, figuring if Kyo was aiming to degrade, this would certainly qualify. "Come  
kneel in front of me."

Fea straightened, scooting on his knees over to Die, slumped over sightly, looking at his pussy.  
Once Fea was there, Die worked himself more furiously, his body arching, his head falling back as he let out a loud moan. A few moments later and he was cumming, his juices spraying over Fea's lips and neck and chest. A few spurts later and Die sagged against the couch, turning the bullet off and panting softly. He chuckled darkly, somehow a little amused by the fact that he'd pretty much turned Fea into a human towel just now. All the same, he patted his head gently and then grabbed his pants, getting some tissues to wipe up properly with.

Fea shut his eyes and pursed his lips, a natural reaction to having warm liquid spurted onto his face. Kyo was in a fit of quiet laughter, holding his sides. Something about Die squirting was always funny, anyway, but it was only funnier to watch him do it on Fea. He grabbed the remote to Fea's egg and turned it up high on pulse, watching him squirm, making fists at his sides, trying to stay still and focused.

Die smirked at Fea a little before he leaned in, giving his cheek a kiss, murmuring, "Did you like it?"

Honestly, he hadn't. Not that he'd hated it, either, but he felt particularly indifferent, other than questioning Kyo's motives, but he knew he couldn't say otherwise, letting out in a soft, meek voice that was so unfitting to his stature, "Yes, I did, thank you."

Kyo snapped his fingers and pointed at his lap. "Come here." 

Immediately, Fea scuttled over, sitting between Kyo's legs and looking up at him with a mixture of adoration and pleading, both to cum, and for some sign that this was all just an act to get him off, to toy with him, not a true show of cruelty. The alcohol was making it hard for him to tell the difference. Kyo lounged back and sighed, saying "You can kiss me if you like, but not on the mouth," as though he were being very generous and put out for allowing it. Fea whimpered and Kyo rolled eyes again in a flippant gesture. "And you can cum."

Die quietly dressed himself again, knowing full well he was going to end up hugging Fea half to death in a little while. Something about the whole thing made him just feel sorry for Fea and he knew he could never be quite what Kaoru was looking for in that department, but he at least sort of knew how to try now and that was something.

Fea leaned forward and kissed over Kyo's clothed stomach, down his arms, tonguing his tattoos and sucking at his right index finger, stroking himself and clenching his ass around the vibrating egg. He was sucking gently at Kyo's neck when he finally came, letting out a tiny moan and leaning himself against Kyo, panting, the egg getting turned off. With a bored gesture of his hand, Kyo instructed him to stand and bend over in front of him, carefully pulling out the egg and grabbing Die's bullet, giving them to Fea. "Take these, clean them, get a shower. You're filthy."

Blinking, Fea stood, his mouth hung open for a moment. Confused and hurt, not sure if Kyo was still playing around or not, he shut his mouth, clenching his jaw, trying to let his hair hide the tears as he took the toys and picked up his clothes, going off to the bathroom.

Die watched, sitting with one leg crossed over the other, smiling a little when Fea finally came.  
But when Kyo just dismissed Fea, Die's heart went out to the other. Pushing himself to his feet, he brushed a hand over Kyo's shoulder.

"I'm gonna help him," he murmured, going after him without waiting on a reply. Kyo nearly protested, but just rolled his eyes, grabbing another piece of pizza and lounging on the couch.  
Slipping into the bathroom, he shut the door behind himself and gently reached to touch Fea's shoulder. "C'mere..." he murmured, holding out his arms.

 

Fea stiffened under Die's touch, pulling away and cleaning both toys in the sink with angry, quick motions, tossing them onto a towel on the counter to dry. He shook his head, whipping his hair behind his ear. "I'm fine..."

Die sighed softly, gently making Fea look at him. "Hey... look at me. Just let me in a little here." He reached up and wiped at Fea's cheek with his thumb. "I know who it is you want to comfort you right now, but at least let me try. Let me make up for the part I had in it, okay?"

Fea shook his head more, turning on the shower and letting it heat up, still crying a little. "No, really, I'm fine. It's not your fault, you just had fun..."

Die let out a frustrated sound, grabbing Fea and pulling him into his arms. "Damn it, Fea..." he tried to hold the other man there, but still be tender about it, not sure if he was failing or not. "Please just let me... I feel like I need to."

Fea was stiff in his arms, uncomfortable and hurt, wanting to just curl up and cry alone. It was also somewhat awkward to be comforted by a man whose head came up to his shoulder. With Kyo, it worked, but with Die, it felt odd. Somewhere, under the hurt, he appreciated the other trying, but with the booze and his abused mentality at the moment, still affected greatly by the play that Kyo had blurred with reality a little too much, he simply couldn't open up to accept it.

After a few moments, Die let him go, giving him a sad look. "Hey..." his hand brushed over Fea's cheek again, "I just want you to know... I really like you. You're sweet and I consider you my friend."

Fea gave a little laugh, wiping a tear from his cheek, not knowing how to say thank you, or that he thought of Die as a friend, too, just nodding. "I... I'm gonna shower."

Die gave him a kiss on the cheek again and then quietly turned around and left the bathroom, going back to the front, a little wobbly, but not terrible.

Kyo had gotten up and was putting things away, humming a little. "He's upset, isn't he?"

Die gave him a nod. "He is... and anything coming from me doesn't help." He gave a little shrug, grabbing the pizza box and closing it, starting for the kitchen with it.

Kyo bit his lip, leaning against the counter. He finished the drink Fea had poured him and stared off into space before snapping out of it. "Want to watch TV for a while? I'm probably going to crash out, soon, but I wanted to spend some time with you tonight."

Die gave him a little look before simply nodding and trudging off to the living room. "What'd you have in mind?"

Kyo shrugged, handing Die the remote. "It doesn't matter. Something to wind down to, whatever." He sat down and leaned on Die, pulling his hair up into a messy bun to get it out of his face.

Die plopped down on the couch and crossed his legs, grabbing the remote and flicking to the guide, scanning through until he found some mindless comedy show. Putting it on, he laid the remote in his lap and slumped against the arm of the couch.

Kyo used Die for a pillow, watching the show, half in a daze. Fea finished showering and put on something to sleep in, slinking back into the living room quietly and sitting on the other end of the couch. He radiated hurt, despite trying not to, not wanting to be "that guy" that sat moping until someone asked what was wrong.

Kyo looked at him, feeling bad. Before, he hadn't felt bad. He'd felt an aching void of apathy, a sadistic lust that only translated on a level of power, not to his cock, and even indifference. Now, he felt like an asshole. Nudging Fea with his foot a little, he pouted at him, sitting up and making him turn around, starting to braid his hair, tugging his fingers through the strands gently.

From the corner of his eyes, Die watched, feeling a little better when Kyo at least showed Fea some form of affection. He went back to watching the show, trying to mind his own business as much as possible.

Kyo leaned back on Die, letting Fea rest his head on his hip, stroking his hair, watching the rest of the show. When it was over, he stretched. "I think it's time I go to sleep. You two can stay up if you want. The train is at noon, so be ready by eleven, OK?" He sat up and stretched again.

Die gave Kyo a nod, "Okay. See you tomorrow. Sleep well." He motioned Fea toward him, hoping he'd come and cuddle up for a little while.

Fea replaced Kyo, resting on Die's lower half, nuzzling on him like a cat.

Die gently rested his hand on the other's hair, stroking it a little. After a little bit, he murmured, "Feeling better?"

Fea nodded. "It's still weird. I'm still... shaken by it. But yeah, I guess I feel better. It doesn't help that seeing him perform tonight - it was my first time for that, too - I was thinking that we both live such hectic, busy lives... that he's got so much potential to do so much, and I'm afraid of us either holding each other back, or tearing each other part, with the distance and trying to stay together."

Die frowned softly, still stroking at Fea's hair. "Don't let things that will resolve themselves get in the way of happiness, Fea." His fingertips migrated to his cheek for a moment, petting it.

Fea's jaw tensed again, a sign of agitation and often time a precursor to tears for him. He sniffed a little, shrugging. "I try. But I can't pretend like it's not going to be difficult. I can't let myself think everything is going to be perfect, because it won’t be. There might be months at a time I don't get to see him."

Die just left his hand where it was, concentrating entirely on Fea now. "Do you think it's worth it?"

Fea closed his eyes, breathing deeply, finding comfort in Die's touch. "I don't know yet. It's too soon. But I think it _could_ be worth it. I definitely don't think of him as a fling."

Die nodded a little. "If you want it to work, I have confidence it will."

Fea bit his lip a little, shrugging. "I hope so... I know I love him. And I'm pretty sure he loves me. Right? That's how this is supposed to work, isn't it?"

Die nodded. "It is." His hand tangled in Fea's hair again and he sighed softly. "Don't let tonight get to you too much... I think he's just on a kick with the sadistic shit."

Fea snickered a little. "God, I hope so. He can't do shit like that to me often, I'll break."

Die gave him a lopsided smile. "I'd suggest if you get drunk after a show from now on... stay with the people who got you drunk."

He scrubbed his long, tattooed hands over his face, groaning. "Ugh, no shit. I'm still actually pretty fucked up. That was not vodka, I'm telling you."

Die chuckled. "Probably not... Kyo said something about moonshine." He shrugged a little. "Sounds damn good to me and if I get a chance next time, I'm definitely drinking more of it."

Fea sort of hiked his brows, playing with the end of his braid. "When you see how hungover I’m gonna be in the morning you won’t want any." He watched the television for a minute, not understanding a word. "I think it's cute that you don't have a Japanese accent." He smiled,  
sitting up and looking at Die. "It's somehow charming." Standing up, he leaned over and kissed Die's cheek. "I'm headed to bed. Goodnight."

Die blinked at him a little and then blushed slightly. He rubbed his back a little when he got the kiss on the cheek. "Night. Sleep well." He offered a smile at the other, his head tilted a little.

Once Fea was gone, Die just sat there for about another hour, staring at the TV, though not really seeing it. Flicking it off eventually, he went to get his bags from the entryway, dragging them off to the spare bedroom and then sliding into the bed and yanking the covers up, curling up and closing his eyes. Eventually sleep came and he thanked it for doing so, absolutely exhausted.


	59. Chapter 59

The next afternoon, a little before one, the train came into the outer regions of Kyoto. Mount Fuji loomed in the distance the whole way, like some crashed North star. Kyo was wearing long sleeves and a hat, despite the heat, to keep discrete. Fea, who was indeed badly hung over but recovering, had played himself down as well, but it was harder to hide his height and obvious foreignness. Die had ended up wearing just a simple red t-shirt and blue jeans. He had sneakers on his feet and his hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. For the most part, the train ride was comfortable and quiet. 

As they got nearer to their final stop, Kyo sat up, patting Die's knee. "Is there any place in particular you want to see?" 

Die had watched out the window for a while, but eventually drifted off into a light snooze. When Kyo patted him on the knee, he jerked awake, snorting a little and peering around. "Huh? Wha-?"

Kyo grinned, chuckling at him. "I said is there anywhere specific you wanted to go?"

Die rubbed at his eyes a little, blinking and then shrugging. "Places you like to go, I guess."

The blonde nodded, chancing to squeeze Fea's hand for a moment. No one seemed to recognize him. He had a way of being rather incognito when he tried. 

Fea squeezed it back and then let go. 

"I guess we'll just... wander. I like walking around." He bit his lip a little and leaned in towards Die. "I... I kind of wanted to go see my mom, too. Take her some books and flowers, maybe. But, I understand if you and Fea don't want to come, I'm sure that's kind of awkward."

Die gave him a little shrug. "I don't mind going. As long as she's not going to take insult that I'm not actually from Japan." After all, that was pretty much why he was with Kyo and not Kaoru right then; to avoid Kaoru's grandfather who wouldn't take kindly to him not being what he thought he should be.

Kyo rolled his eyes. "She's brain damaged. I doubt she'd really be able to put together that you weren't born here, if she ever would have cared about something like that at all. If I'm lucky, she'll be having a good day. Sometimes she doesn't even know who I am and gets really upset, but some days, she's just slow, but I can tell she understands what's going on."

He gave Kyo a little smile, though it was a bit sad. "Then I think going with you will be just fine."

Nodding, Kyo stood, the train approaching the station. He and Fea had both packed suitcases, as well, planning to stay a few days here before Fea had to go back to London.

Die got up as well, careful to balance himself, and grabbed his backpack and suitcase, glad he hadn't brought more than that with him to Japan.

Fea stood with them and shouldered his bag. "So, what’s it like sleeping alone now that you and Kaoru are back on good terms?"

Die made a little face. "Friggin' cold." He laughed. "I have a tendency to kick the covers off of me without him there to keep yanking them back up and my resident space-heater wasn't there to keep me warm in their place."

Fea laughed, stepping off the train and following Kyo out of the station, through huge throngs of people. He grabbed Die's wrist, Kyo darting between people, Fea trying to keep up and make sure Die didn't get lost, too.

Die followed behind, dragging his luggage, desperately trying not to lose the stupid roll-along one on the way. He was thankful for Fea's help because without him, he was sure he would have been lost by now.

When Kyo finally reached the street and had gotten to a corner, he stopped, letting them catch up. "I got us a hotel room a few blocks from here. I guess we should check in and then go get something to eat? We can decide what all we want to do then."

Die was sort of panting by the time they got to where they were stopped. He swallowed a bit and then nodded. "Sounds good to me. Ditching bags is a good thing."

Giving a nod, Kyo started at a more reasonable pace up the street, finding a small hotel and checking them in, taking them up the elevator to a room with two beds and a large bathroom. 

Fea laid down on the bed, rubbing his temples. "Nnnn... wherever we eat, remind me to drink a ton of water, OK? My hangover is digging in the claws."

Die plunked down on the other bed after shoving his baggage in the corner of the room, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Go get some water from the tap," he commented softly.

Kyo grabbed a glass sitting on the desk in the room and patted Die's head as he went into the bathroom, getting some water and handing it to Fea. 

Die gave him a little smirk and then plopped backwards, his arms over his head. "Mmm... you know, being here is both stressful and soothing." He was, of course, referring to Japan as a whole.

Kyo kissed Fea's head while his lover sipped on the cup of water, chuckling. "I think you just described this entire country pretty well."

He laughed. "Mmm... maybe so. I sort of figured it was just me, but hey."

Kyo shrugged, putting his suitcase away and pulling out his toiletries bag, taking it to the bathroom. "So are you guys hungry? We can go find a little local restaurant and have lunch."

Die let his shoes fall to the ground, pulling his feet up so he could sit cross-legged on the bed. "Mmm... I could go for food. Fea?"

Fea nodded, putting the now empty cup down. "I think it might help."

Kyo sat down in Fea's lap, cuddling him, giving him a soft kiss. "I told you you shouldn't have drank so much."

Die pondered it. "I'd like something... that I can only get here. Is there such a thing?"

Kyo tapped his lips, thinking. Fea started tapping them for him, making the blonde smirk. "I know a place that does Buddhist food, basically. I think it's fairly Kyoto specific. It's not far from here, and the temple I grew up at is really close to it, too."

Die smiled. "Sounds perfect to me." He ran a hand through his hair and then yawned. "Fuck me... so tired."

Kyo got up and put his shoes back on. "If you want, I'll go see my mom after lunch and you two can nap. I think you both need it."

He offered a little half smile and then shrugged. "Up to you. I mean, I'll be okay. Food will help." He slid off the bed and put his shoes back on as well before wandering off to the bathroom, pushing the door about three-quarters closed behind him. He took a quick piss, washing out his TravelMate afterward and putting it back in its case in his  
pocket. Smiling to himself, he washed his hands and then left the room, tugging his shirt down. "So... we going now?"

Fea was waiting by the door with Kyo. "Yeah, come on." 

Kyo led the way down to the lobby and then into the street. Kyoto was less crowded, a little slower paced that Tokyo or Nagoya. It was greener and felt like it breathed more deeply. Within ten minutes, they'd reached a small restaurant tucked in between shops and an apartment building and Kyo pushed open the door, asking for a table that was fairly private for them, getting seated at the back corner. 

Die followed along, having grabbed his camera before he left the room, taking random snapshots as he walked down the street after Kyo. Some of the people, some of the scenery and the buildings, and some of just random things like signs or trash next to a lamppost. Once inside, he followed along after them, smiling softly.

Fea looked at the menu, completely in Japanese, and made a little whimper. "Order for me?" 

Kyo laughed, nodding.

Die laughed softly, scanning over it and then just selecting via the numbers on the side, choosing to have no idea what he had. He could read it, but random selection sounded better for the time being.

Kyo asked for waters and a pot of tea for the table, making sure Die knew what he wanted before ordering o-banzai for he and Fea. The waitress, an older woman, looked at him a little funnily, then wrote the order down, giving a small smile.

Die ordered a number thirty four, having no idea what it was and just nodding when she double-checked the number. He smiled and leaned forward once she was gone. "I have no idea what I just ordered."

Kyo looked at the menu, laughing. "Almost the same thing as us, but with eel and teriyaki."

Die tilted his head a bit and then shrugged. "We shall see how I feel about eel then."

Fea leaned over a cup of tea after it was brought, soaking in the steam. "I like it. It's oddly sweet."

Die gave a nod before he took his tea cup, filled it with tea, and took a gentle sip.

Kyo poured a cup and crossed his legs, letting his foot press against Fea's leg. His muddy eyes found Die. "So how's the dog?"

A grin swept across Die's face. "He's doing great! Spunky and active as hell. He healed right up and he's like a normal pup now."

Fea seemed to perk up. "You have a dog?"

Die bobbed his head in a nod. "We sure do."

Kyo grinned at him. "They found him when I was at their house. He got dumped with the rest of his litter and he was the only one that made it, so they nursed him back to health." 

Fea "aaaaw"ed and sipped at his tea.

Die smiled softly, though it was a bit sad. "I wish we'd found them in time to save the rest... but at least we got him."

Fea frowned at the story. "What kind of dog is he? Or is it just a mutt?"

Die made a little face. "I don't actually remember what the vet said. He's a cross of some kind though, I'm almost certain." He pulled out his phone and flipped around, finding a pic of him and he pup, the dog licking Die's chin, and showed it to Fea.

Fea took the phone, glowing. "He's so cute! Looks like a pitbull, to me."

Die nodded. "Yeah, he probably is. Such a sweetheart, too."

Kyo put his cheek on his fist. "I can't imagine what kids would look like with you and Kaoru. I think it would be a good match, though. You're both really good with the dog. I've known too many people that don't really take good care of pets. I used to have a bunny, but I gave him away because I knew I couldn't take care of him with all the time I was away."

Die blushed a little, ducking his head. "I really do want a kid... I know it's odd, but I can't change that maternal instinct, I guess."

Kyo shook his head. "Maybe it's that, but I don't think it's just women that want kids. You want to raise a family. So does Kaoru. You'd be good together. Besides, I don't really want kids of my own, so then I can just borrow yours." 

Fea just laughed, shaking his head.

Die bit his lip a little and then rubbed his nose before smirking a bit. "Yeah, well... you apparently get to borrow two sets if all goes well." He couldn't believe he'd just said that, but he couldn't take it back.

Kyo and Fea both looked at him, a little confused.

Die flushed even darker, shrugging. "Clairen and if Kaoru and I actually have a kid."

Fea turned bright red, looking down into his tea cup, trying to conceal a smile. Kyo looked at Die as if to say "you bastard", but there was affection behind it. 

Die just picked up his cup and swallowed half of it down in one gulp, trying hard to stay hidden behind the tiny cup.

Fea kept his gaze on the tea, his smile growing harder to cover. "She does really like you..." 

Kyo just turned red, saying nothing. 

Die's phone buzzed with a text from Kaoru, containing a picture of Osaka. _Miss you._

Die smiled at the text, glad for the distraction. He took a pic of Kyo, Fea, and the restaurant behind them, sending it back. _Miss you too. Was just talking about wanting to have a kid with you..._

Kyo blinked when his picture was taken, Fea not even noticing. 

Kaoru texted back, _://3 That's funny, because my grandfather just asked me why I don't have kids yet._

Die bit hard on his lip for a minute and then texted back. _I mean it when I say I want a kid... with you. So bad._ He texted back and then looked up at Kyo. "Kaoru," he explained, wanting them to know why he'd taken the picture.

"Oh." Kyo nodded. 

Fea just blinked, not catching on, but letting it slip, sipping his tea some more, discretely reaching under the table to hold hands with Kyo. 

Kaoru wrote back after a moment. _I know you do. I do, too. I really hope it's possible for us. I want us to be a family together. That's why that ring is on your finger._

 _I love you, baby... I love you so much._ He sent it and then studied his cup for a long moment before drinking the rest of the contents.

The food came out steaming and Kyo dropped Fea's hand, picking up his chopsticks and leaning over the plate, humming. "It's good to be home..."

Die took a picture of his food and tweeted it with a short message. _First time eating eel. Let's see how this goes._ Sending it, he then began to eat, actually sort of liking eel, though it was hard to get used to.

Kyo dug in, making little noises. Fea ate slowly, enjoying it, trying to will away his hangover, hoping the food would help settle him back out. He hated feeling so bad when Kyo was showing him his hometown like this.

Die murmured eventually, "I think I like eel... which is odd considering I hate almost all seafood type things."

"I told you," Fea murmured with a little smile. 

Kyo pushed some of his hair behind his ear, slowing down, pouring more tea. "Do you both still want a nap after this?" Fea just shrugged a little.

Die shrugged as well. "Like I said, I don't mind coming with you to see your mom." He rubbed his hands over his arms and then poured more tea.

Kyo shrugged. "It's up to you guys. I don't mind if you stay at the hotel."

Fea bit his lip, thinking. "I... I think I'd like to meet her."

Die smiled softly to himself, crossing one leg over the other, quietly eating his meal, enjoying it quite well.

Kyo rubbed the back of his head for a moment. "Alright. We'll go see her, then. We'll have to go shopping first, though. I always take her books and new clothes and stuff."

Die finished up right about then, sipping his tea and then nodding a little. "Sounds good."

Kyo and Fea were already done eating, sipping tea. Fea seemed a bit better, his eyes less bleary and his skin looking a little less pale. Kyo took the check and paid, stretching a bit. "Ready?"

"Thank you," Die murmured when Kyo paid. "And yeah, I am. You?" he looked over at Fea.

Fea nodded, standing up, almost reaching to put his arm around Kyo's waist and then stopping himself, frowning. Kyo gave him an apologetic look and walked out, leading the way down to a shopping area, window shopping until he found a clothing store with comfortable looking women's clothes.

Die followed along behind Kyo, humming softly to himself. Once they got to the store Kyo chose, Die just followed right in, peering around the place with interest, wandering over to a jewelry counter and looking through the bracelets.

Fea was somehow amused by Die perusing the jewelry, wandering around behind Kyo, giving opinions whenever Kyo asked for them, trying to pick out a few outfits, never really knowing how to. He supposed, in perhaps a twisted way, it was good his mother lived in a home and it didn't really matter what she dressed like, but he tried to make sure her things were nice.

Die came back over to Fea and Kyo, smiling softly and holding out a bracelet with little red beads spacing out violet ones, each looking marbleized. "Do you think Kaoru would like it?" He knew it was girly, but he didn't think it was necessary for either of them to always dress like men.

Fea tittered behind a hand and Kyo smiled, nodding. "Are you going to save to give it to him after his surgery? He'll have to spend a couple days in the hospital, won’t he? Sometimes it's nice to have something material you know means you're loved. The monks gave me a teddy bear when I had to have my appendix taken out. I mean, I was ten, but still."

Die smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I think it would be good to maybe give it to him just before the surgery... if he has to have it... and then he can keep it on him while he's there."

Kyo gave a soft smile, not wanting to reality check Die that the surgery was necessary, letting him be worry free for a while. He gathered up the clothes in his arms and Fea took them from him, seeing him struggle with them. Kyo blushed and started over to the shoes, finding some comfy house slippers. "Do you see a register anywhere?" He looked around, not spotting any.

Die pointed behind some racks over toward the far corner. "Over there," he murmured softly, pointing and then taking a few of the clothes from Fea, heading over toward the register to start a tab for him.

Kyo wandered over, paying once the woman had bagged everything up, snagging some toe socks by the register while he was at it and a bar of Godiva chocolate. He took the bags, which Fea then took from him, making him blush, and headed towards the atrium of the shopping center to find a book store. "It's always weird shopping for her. I have to think ‘If I were a brain damaged forty year old, what would I want to keep occupied in a home?’ and then I feel bad that I'm not a bigger part of her life now that I'm an adult..."

Die paid for the bracelet, taking the bag it was put in, a cute little black thing. Following after Kyo and Fea, he listened, giving him a sympathetic look. "I think it more depends on how she feels about it all, Kyo."

Kyo shrugged. "She floats in and out. When she's really lucid, I think she's miserable... it would be one thing if she was born slow, but she was smart and happy before the accident." He tucked his hands into his pockets, shrugging uselessly. "I don't know. She's my mother. I should be taking care of her. Instead, I pay other people to do it."

Die sighed softly. "It's too much of a burden for one person, really. I mean... you think if Kaoru gets really sick, I won't be hiring a nurse? I don't think I could do it all alone... I'm not even going to kid myself that I could."

The blond bit his lip, Fea staying silent, not sure what to say. Thankfully, they found a bookstore and Kyo let the topic slip, going through and filling up a basket with things that looked interesting, from coffee table books filled with photos of tropical beaches to fantasy novels. Fea tapped his shoulder but before he even had to word the question, Kyo answered. "A lot of her problems are with mobility and speech. She has episodes of dementia, but for the most part, in her own head, she's still fine."

Die just sort of followed them around, feeling a little awkward that he had turned the conversation to such an uncomfortable topic. Swallowing, he just tucked his hands in his pocket, the bag around his wrist, and followed Kyo and Fea, trying to keep himself very nice and quiet.

Fea went and looked around the children's books, collecting his own pile of things for Clairen, knowing she'd become fascinated with Japan from Kyo and figuring that even though she wouldn't understand them, she'd enjoy them.

It took Die a little while, but he finally wandered off, looking through the yaoi manga section with some amount of curiosity. Some of it was rather explicit and he honestly really liked that it was. He took two of them and a swept-up romance book, going to the register and purchasing them. With that done, he just sort of waited around, mostly watching people as they passed by.

Once Fea and Kyo were done, Kyo hooked his bag-heavy arms through both of theirs. "Come on, I want to stop by this place that sells loose tea, then we can go."

Die smiled happily, nodding a little and then following along beside him. "Tea sounds amazing right about now actually. I love smelling it."

Kyo found the shop with his nose, going in. It was like a candy store, but with tea, each section a different color for different prices with specialty blends on the wall. Kyo went off, starting to bag some up. 

Fea grabbed Die. "You read Japanese, right? Come help me, I don't know what any of this stuff is!"

Die laughed softly. "Yeah, I do. I'll be glad to help." He smiled, letting Fea drag him off wherever he wanted to.

Fea tapped his lips, looking around. "I'm looking for something with rose... and jasmine. And maybe something fruity. And then also just a good green tea. Maybe something unusual?" He sniffed, trying to determine what was what and what looked interesting to try.

Die let out a little hum and then pointed at one. "This one is jasmine and black tea. Aaaand, this one is rose." He then gestured at an entire section. "This is a wide variety of green tea."

He moved to some orange and spice teas, sniffing at them and looking through until he picked one out, putting some in a baggy.

Fea nodded his thanks, bagging some up and then picking out a green tea by the smell, finding Kyo again, both of them just wandering around, sniffing and tasting some of the samples in the little paper cups.

Die carefully went about trying to find Kaoru's favorite tea, thinking it would be good for him to get the other some. He put some lemongrass green tea into a baggy as well, and then picked up some cinnamon sticks and a random spice tea. He took it out and checked out, feeling damn good about himself.

Kyo had asked for another bag and was separating out what was his and what he was going to give to his mother. "Alright, I think that's it. Was there anything else you two wanted to do here before we go see my mom?" 

Fea shook his head, satisfied. 

Die shook his head. He figured they could visit Kyo's mother first and then he'd ask to stop by a temple. He had his own prayers that needed tending to and he figured it didn't matter when he went, just as long as he did.

Going back out to the street, Kyo waved down a taxi with Fea's help, getting in with all his bags and giving the address to the care facility just outside of the downtown area. Fea stuffed himself into the cab along with him, scooting to make sure there was room for Die.

Die sort of awkwardly climbed in, putting his bags in his lap. Closing the door, he leaned back and smiled.

Kyo went through while they were in the taxi and took all the tags off the clothes and the stickers off the books, Fea helping him and putting all the trash into another unused bag, consolidating everything together. By the time they arrived, dark clouds were rolling in, a late summer storm brewing. Kyo got out of the cab and waited for them before walking into the building, going up to the desk and asking for Niimura. The nurse smiled and gave them each a little laminate to wear with "VISITOR" on it, leading them down the halls to a common area. 

Kyo leaned in and asked, "How is she today?"

The nurse shrugged a little. "She seems fairly lucid. Reading a lot, bird watching." He nodded and she went off. With a heavy sigh, Kyo walked across the lounge, spotted with people who all seemed contained to their own little world, towards a tiny woman sitting at the window with a short, brushy haircut. He knelt down in front of her and smiled, touching her hand to get her attention. For a moment, she didn't register him there, and then her face lit up in a smile that seemed as though she'd had a stroke, her face not quite rearranging itself into what a smile should look like, arms coming up shakily. Kyo beamed, leaning in to hug her tightly. Fea just stood back, a soft smile on his lips, watching.

Die followed along with them, silently taking the bag of trash and going to throw it away when they got inside. He put the little laminated pass on and followed after Kyo, a curious and hopeful look on his face. He stayed back with Fea, just sort of leaning against the wall nearby, watching Kyo and his mother. Part of him was curious if she had or had once had the same mental abilities as Kyo did. It was a curious sort of thing and he found it intriguing.

Kyo squeezed onto her for a while longer, her thin hands stroking his hair and back, eyes closed, seeming pleased to the point of near tears to see him. When he finally pulled back, she smiled, touching his cheek. He put his hand over hers. "How are you?" 

She dipped her head back and forth in a shaky so-so gesture, then smiled. Kyo chuckled a little and looked back and Fea and Die. "I brought some of my friends with me. Do you want to meet them?" 

Her head turned slowly and she looked at both of them, her eyes a little unfocused. Kyo waved them both over.

Die moved closer, coming to sort of kneel down next to Kyo, giving her a little bow. "I'm Die," he murmured softly, smiling. "Pleasure to meet you."

She gave a sheepish, girly grin and bowed back in a little head bob, barely whispering out "hajimemashite.”

Fea stooped behind them, smiling. Kyo introduced Fea for him and he received a similar smile and nod. Kyo pulled the bags closer and rattled them a little, making his mother's eyes widen excitedly. "I brought you some things. Do you want to go to your room and look through them?" She nodded and tried to get up, Kyo helping her to her feet. Fea grabbed the bags and followed after them, Kyo taking his time and letting her keep her own pace, finding her room, decorated with needle points of hummingbirds and sunflowers, the curtains a paisley ruffled number, looking out into a small garden, with a small bed, a chair and table, and a dresser with a TV on top of it. Along one wall was nothing but book shelves.

She sat down and Fea set the bags next to her, Kyo sitting by her side, watching her shaky hands go into the bags and start pulling out clothes, making little humming noises at each piece, leaning her head on Kyo's shoulder in a little gesture of thanks, folding each piece of clothing after inspecting it.

Die followed along, a gentle smile on his lips. He greeted a few people in the hallways that told him hello, not wanting to be rude.

Once they were in the room, he took a seat in the corner, one leg neatly crossed over the other. He remained silent, watching with his head tilted slightly, eyes scanning over both of them.

She went through all the books and set aside the ones with photos, getting up and putting everything away in its right spot, hugging Kyo again and then sitting down, picking up one of the books and opening it between their laps, Kyo starting to flip pages. Fea sat on the floor on the other side of her, her fingers finding his hair, playing with it while she looked at the landscape photos. Despite the relative silence of the room, it seemed like there was subtle conversation going on between the three of them, a certain understanding. Kyo had his arm around his mother's waist, his hand on Fea's arm, either hand of hers on their heads, petting gently.

Die watched quietly for a long time, biting his lip a little. They looked all at home together and he couldn't help but think there was some form of acceptance there... like she already knew without Kyo ever telling her who Fea was. He smiled to himself and then finally just pulled out a book of his own, taking the wrapping off the novel and starting to read it, not wanting to insult anyone with the yaoi manga.

Kyo and Fea flipped through the book with Kyo's mother, she making soft-voiced comments here and there. When the book was done, she got up and put it away with the rest, sitting back down and stroking Kyo's cheek, just smiling at him. Kyo blushed slightly and pat her arm. "Do you want to watch some TV or something?" She shook her head. "Look through another book?" Another negative. "Take a walk?" This time she nodded, smiling, standing up and putting on her new slippers.

Die put down his book, slipping the receipt in as a bookmark, stretching a little and then slipping it back in his bag. He stood up, intent to come along with Kyo and his mother, figuring Fea would come as well. If he didn't, he'd just keep Fea company.

Kyo took her arm and looked back to make sure they were both coming, going out into the hall and down to a door that led outside into a courtyard. The clouds had not opened up into rain yet and provided some relief from the summer heat. Kyo let her lead, walking around and admiring the flowers.

Die padded along after them, his hands in his pockets. Smiling, he sort of nudged Fea, giving him pleased look.

Fea nudged him back, smirking, walking along behind Kyo and his mother. In a low voice he let out, "It's interesting, seeing this side of him. He hides it, but I like it best."

Die gave him a soft smile, watching Kyo and his mother walking ahead of them. "Yeah... it's nice to see such a caring compassionate side."

Kyo's hand slipped down and held hers, rubbing a little. Fea dug out his phone and discreetly snapped a photo, grinning.

Die just walked along with them, humming slightly, his hands in his pockets. He figured he'd just enjoy this while it lasted, looking around him at everything.

They continued away from the courtyard and into a small grove of trees with benches and a fountain, around the outskirts of it, and then back around to the building's entrance. It had started to sprinkle and Kyo had taken off his button-up shirt he'd had on over his tattoos, putting it over his mother's head to keep her dry. He put it back on once they were inside and headed back to her room. Once there, she sat down on the bed and pointed, trying to communicate something. Kyo finally figured out she wanted some of the tea he'd brought her and nodded, smiling, going over to the little hotel coffee pot and making some water, finding her mugs, pulling out four.

Die moved inside along with them, coming to sit down in the corner again, crossing one leg over the other and relaxing back. He yawned and just sort of rocked back and forth a little in place, one foot moving him.

Kyo made do with the strainer he had and steeped the tea, pouring it into the four mugs and handing them out, sitting down with his mother and making sure she liked it and that it wasn't too hot. She sipped it for a while, her eyes getting droopy. Smiling, he asked her if she wanted to take a nap, getting a tiny nod in return.

Die sipped on his tea, finding it quite good actually. Contented, he texted Kaoru. _Visiting Kyo's mom. It's sweet, really. How's it going on your end?_

Kyo went about helping his mother pull back the covers and tuck her in for a nap, Fea getting ready to leave. The blond leaned down and hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek. "I love you, OK?" She smiled and kissed him back, hugging him tightly for a long while before letting go.

Kaoru texted back after a few minutes. _Alright, I guess. Making lunch with ojii-san. Thank god he hasn't asked me anything awkward about relationships and grandchildren yet._

Die finished up his tea, putting the mug on the counter and then gathering his stuff. He texted back quickly. _I hope things don't get awkward for you. xoxo_

Kyo shuffled them out of the room and flipped the light off, blowing her a kiss. He walked back to the front desk and handed back the visitor's pass, Fea putting his on the counter as well. It was raining outside heavily now, so Kyo called a taxi, going to stand under the awning and smoke a cigarette.

Die handed back in his pass as well, wandering outside and following Kyo's example, feeling like a cigarette was the answer for the time being. He drew in the menthol goodness and let it back out on a soft contented sound.

Fea bummed a smoke off of Kyo, figuring if he couldn't kiss the other, he could have some bit of his taste until they were in private. Kyo was silent for a while before finally speaking up again. "So... do we want to go to my old temple, or just _a_ temple? Or back to the hotel, I don't mind. I'm sorry if that was kind of boring and awkward..."

Die gave a little shrug and then ran a hand through his hair. "Mmm... I want to go to a temple. It's up to you which one, though."

Kyo mirrored Die's gesture, his fingers combing back through his blond hair. "I suppose we can go to mine... I guess I just feel a little weird, opening up like this." He looked at his feet, pushing is weight out onto the outside of one foot. "Nobody but you two really know anything about me..."

Die gave a tiny shrug. "If it helps, I think we both enjoy being let in on the 'you behind the mask' so to speak."

Kyo flicked ashes, nodding, the rain driving down harder, loud against the aluminum roofing of the covered walkway. "I know... and I trust both of you, but I'm so used to being behind that mask, it's a little strange."

Die nodded and smiled softly. "Yeah... I can imagine so." He took another drag from his cigarette, leaning against one of the pillars.

When the cab pulled up, Kyo scurried in, shaking off the water. He'd only had to go through maybe three feet uncovered and his hair was already sopping wet, a dull gold color. Fea followed after, sliding into the middle, feeling like a sardine.

Die let out a soft whine, putting out his cigarette and rushing after them. By the time he got in, his hair was also dripping down in his eyes. He plopped down and made a face, shutting the door.

The drive back into the main center of Kyoto was nearly like driving underwater the rain came down so heavily. The sound was somehow soothing and Fea ended up leaning on Die, using the top of his head as a pillow. It took nearly half an hour to arrive at the temple and by then, the rain had eased up a bit. Paying, Kyo dashed out of the taxi and into the gate of the temple, going up onto the covered entrance and taking off his shoes, shaking water out of his hair.

Die dashed along after Kyo once they arrived, pausing as well to take off his shoes and wring his hair out. Smiling, he looked around, sort of wanting to do what he felt was right, but a little to unsure to just go about doing it just in case he somehow insulted someone.

The temple was on the outskirts of Kyoto, away from the tourist center, and not many people where there, especially with the rain. Kyo rang the bell and stepped inside, looking around for a moment before going up to the main shrine to kneel and bow. Fea followed after him, making similar gestures. From the small monastery at the back, chanting could be heard, and Kyo found a place to sit and quietly join with them, Fea watching him for a while before finding his own corner to sit and try to meditate in.

Die stood there, still rather unsure about the whole thing before he finally just took a breath and followed after Kyo and Fea, trying to be quiet, not ringing the bell so he didn't disturb Kyo or Fea. He knelt down and bowed his head, biting his lip a little and starting to say prayers in his head for Kaoru's wellness.

Kyo cracked one eye open, watching Die, pushing gently against his mind. _There's no right or wrong, only what makes you feel at peace._

Die lifted his head, giving Kyo a grateful look before he stood up, looking around, trying to locate the incense he felt like he should light. He knew there was some, smelling it somewhat. He just had to find it. He finally found it over near the tea lights in the corner,  
getting one stick in the holder and using his lighter to light it, waiting a few moments before blowing out the flame and watching it burn. He smiled softly and sat down, his legs crossed. Closing his eyes, he tried again, this time feeling more at ease and like it was what he was meant to be doing.

A few tourists came in and walked around, then an old woman, loudly singing a prayer and lighting incense of her own by the main altar before going off again. Kyo was standing up and giving a little stretch when three monks came in, going to take the offerings left to set them up with the idols. One of them, perhaps twenty, stopped and suddenly looked at Kyo, his serene face splitting with a huge grin. "Tooru!"

Kyo's head snapped around and his face was all eyes for a moment, stunned. "Kenko!" Like children, they both burst into a run towards each other, getting looks from the other monks and the few people who were milling around. They slammed into each other, throwing arms around one another in a tight hug. 

Fea opened his eyes, jarred out of his light trance, watching them with a little smirk, knowing instantly this was the roommate and childhood friend Kyo had told him about from his days in the monastery.

Die peered up with one eye when he heard Kyo's voice. He gave a little smile and then went right back to his prayers, repeating the same few things over and over about Kaoru's health and leading them toward the path that would end with them both happy and together for a long time to come.

Kyo and Kenko chattered loudly, excitedly, the other monks looking at their younger brethren with something like mild distaste, but it quickly passed and they went about their duties. Kenko studied Kyo's tattoos and long, dyed hair with avid fascination, hugging him again, obviously excited to see him. When the monks began singing, he bit his lip, running off to join them and do his duty. Kyo chuckled and went to wait in the corner for Die and Fea to finish.

Die finished up over the next few minutes, getting up and quietly going to where Kyo was waiting, watching the monks with a certain fascination, feeling a lot better about what he'd come to do.

Kyo gave him a little smile, looking around. "Weird... being back here, I mean."

Fea stretched his long legs out in front of him and got up, going over to them. "Anything else, babe?" 

Kyo shook his head, then looked at Die. "What do you want to do? You two are the newbies here."

Die just sort of shrugged, smiling softly. "I feel better, so... whatever you guys want to do is good."

Fea shrugged. "We could just walk around for a while? Maybe find something interesting to do."

"Sure, sounds good to me," Die murmured. "Maybe find someplace I can get Kaoru something for the house that's more... his style." He blushed a bit, remembering all the Japanese furniture his lover used to own.

Kyo stepped outside, checking the rain. It was hardly misting now, and there was a store on the corner where they could get an umbrella if needed. He started walking, strolling, Fea at his side. Die followed along, still holding his bags, rustling along beside Fea and Kyo. Actually, the misting was sort of nice and he wondered why  
he'd never thought of that before.

Kyo threw his hair up in a ponytail; it was damp and unstyled now, anyway. Turning up a street, they passed down a long avenue of shops, Fea stopping at the window of a toy store before heading in, Kyo hurrying after.

Die chuckled softly, following them both inside and wandering around the shop, finding a cute little doll that looked suspiciously like Kaoru without his tattoos and with his purple hair. He snickered softly, picking it up and going to find Kyo and Fea to show them, more than amused. Once he found them, he held it out. "Does this look like  
anyone you know?"

Kyo laughed, reaching out to stroke the doll's face. "Hmm... Cheekbones like glass, strong eyes, that tiny, bowed mouth? Nope, never seen it." He smiled to let Die know he was, of course, kidding.

Die practically cackled. "Think I should get it?" Granted, it was expensive, but he thought it was sort of amusing.

Kyo chuckled, gently taking the doll from Die and cradling it. "I'll get him for you. It's appropriate; I think you should have it."

Die blushed a little and then gave Kyo flourishing bow. "You're so sweet. Thank you." By now at least Die was used to Kyo enough that he didn't bother putting up an argument. He just remained grateful and let it be known that he was whenever Kyo wanted to buy him something.

Kyo blushed slightly and shrugged, liking to do such things. He held the doll for Die, humming and sort of dancing around, swaying side to side, following Fea around as he found a cute set of pens, an art pad, a jump rope that lit up, and two stuffed animals; a white cat and a cartoonish fox that had almost sad eyes, they were so precious. He carried everything to the register, seeming pleased. He hated to feel like he tried to buy Clairen's love, but the distance between them left material things usually being how he made sure she knew he loved her without being there.

Die padded around after them, fingering a few other things before he finally picked up a little mouse in a kimono, thinking it would be good for Asako. Once he'd found that, he went to the register, checking out with it and paying. 

Kyo paid for the doll, which got put into a box to keep it nice and safe, and handed the bag to Die, giving him a questioning look about the little mouse.

Die smiled softly. "It's for Asako, Kaoru's niece." He accepted the bag and sort of consolidated things into one bag. "Thank you for the doll. It's adorable."

Kyo laughed, leaning briefly into Fea just to feel him close. "How could I not? You found a doll version of your boyfriend!"

Die flushed a little and bit at his top lip, licking there before he let out a small laugh. "Yeah, incredibly random."

Kyo shook his head. "It's cute. You think if I found a doll that look like Fea I wouldn't sleep with it at night when he was away?" Fea turned bright red, smiling. 

"Awwww, I didn't even think of that. That's awesome." He gave a toothy grin and rubbed a bit at his nose.

Fea cut his eyes at Kyo and chuckled. "He's sentimental when he wants to be." Kyo just shook his head, turning pink.

Die ruffled Kyo's hair a little. "Yes, yes he is." He gestured at the door. "We ready?"

They both nodded, smiling, heading back out towards the street, swinging bags, trying to more follow Die and let him pick where they went into next.

Die noticed he was pretty much leading, going on about the same way they had been, looking for a store with pretty Japanese-style things for the home, or at least clothing for men. Something, anything, for him to give Kaoru and beam about.

Kyo nudged Die, pointing at a shop that made unique tea sets and mugs and other ceramic items. "That looks cute. Want to look in there?" They had obviously reached the more local, artsy part of the shopping area, which he figured was perfect if Die wanted to find something for Kaoru.

Die smiled, nodding. "Yeah, that looks good!" He headed over toward it, entering the shop and quickly starting to look around, thinking maybe if he got him a sake set or tea set or something it would work.

Fea looked at the large tea mugs, an avid tea drinker by nature. Kyo followed Die, humming.

Die picked up a sake set in a box. It was painted black and had little flowers painted all over it in golds and reds. "Hnn... what do you think of this one?"

Kyo nodded, looking at it. "It's pretty." 

Die held it close, continuing down through the aisles, looking around at other things, finding a matching tea set and smiling. "I think this should work well."

Kyo sort of chuckled, going back to Fea, who had found a small tea pot and two matching mugs that were a muted teal and dark brown. "You've really been on a sweet kick about Kaoru lately, notably more than usual. Anything special?"

Die just shrugged a little. "I dunno... I just feel like I need to keep reminding him that I do love him and I do care... you know?"

Kyo sort of bobbed his head back and forth. "I'm curious to know if it's because you want to or because you feel like you have to?"

"I want to... I've always bought him random things. But I have to be more obvious about why I'm doing it or else he doesn't see it."

Kyo nodded. "You think after the whole temporary insanity explosion, he sees it better now?"

He shrugged slightly. "I think so... I hope so, anyway."

Fea came over to them with his bag, having already paid. "Where to next?" 

Die's phone buzzed with a text from Kaoru. _I just walked through a park and there was a couple fucking in the bushes. Not even kidding. God, I love Japan._

Die purchased his items, putting them in one of the larger bags and then smiling happily as he left. He pulled out his phone and laughed at the text, showing it to Kyo and Fea before texting back.

_Awesome! Too bad I didn't see it!_

_LOL, I thought you would enjoy that, dirty boy. I wish you were here! I don't know if it comes off as sweet or clingy that I miss you and it hasn't even been a day?_

_We'll go with sweet. I miss you, too._ He smiled, sending the message and then informing, "Aww, he misses me."

"I'd miss that sweet ass, too," Fea blurt out, mostly joking. Kyo kind of gave him a look, then laughed, shaking his head.

Die blushed and ducked his head. "What ass?! I don't have one!"

Fea rolled his eyes. "You knew what I meant."

Kyo, not even realizing it was out of jealousy to some extent, asked, "What about _my_ sweet ass, huh?"

Fea sort of growled, wanting to yank Kyo into a kiss, but couldn't. "Nn, don't even talk about your ass. I don't have any quarters to bounce off it and it would be highly inappropriate for me to fuck you in the middle of the sidewalk."

Die sort of choked on air, laughing softly and rushing ahead for a moment to check out a shop with textiles and whatnot. He spied a robe in the front window that was red with cranes down the side and he darted inside, his sights set on it. Once in, he yanked it off the rack and held it up to himself, peering down, trying to figure out if it was his size.

Kyo laughed, he and Fea going in and Fea looking around, seeming just as excited as Die, going through the robe to try a find a yukata that might at least kind of fit him. He liked how Kyo looked in his around the house and figured it would be something comfortable for hotel rooms on tours.

One of the girls from the counter came over to Die and told him he could try it on over his clothing. Beaming, he shrugged off the bags and everything else, trying it on. It didn't fit quite right, but the girl found him another one with lotus flowers and a river   
pattern on it that was still bright red. That one fit perfectly and he excitedly went to show Kyo and Fea. "Look!"

Kyo licked his lips and gave a little hum on agreement, reaching around to straighten the obi and tie it neater for him. Fea was trying on a black robe with green diamond patterns--it was too short, but fit more to look like it was made that way. Die's eyes sort of sparkled happily. "I think I'll get it. I've been wanting a new robe. My old one ripped."

Fea nodded, taking his off. "It looks good on you. I think I'll get this one, too."

Die flitted off to the counter, taking it off and paying for it, getting it wrapped up and everything in a nice box with gold tissue paper. Once he had it, he got his other bags and then went to examine the geta in the corner.

Fea picked out a child's robe in a soft yellow with pink butterflies, paying for both, shyly telling the clerk "arigatou," getting a little amused snicker from Kyo.

Die picked up several different sets of the shoes before he figured out his feet were going to be hard to fit.

Kyo watched Die, idly amused. Putting them all back, he looked up. "Are we ready? I think I've shopped myself out."

Fea laughed, putting his bag around his wrist. "I'm ready. Maybe we can get room service and find a movie on or something?"

"Food!" Die announced, somehow hungry again. He figured it was all the  
running around.

Kyo rolled his eyes at both of them, smiling. "Alright, come on." He walked out of the store and looked around for a taxi. 

Fea tapped his shoulder. "I'll pay for room service, poppet."

Die almost burst out laughing at Fea calling Kyo poppet. He bit his lip to hold it in, praying neither were paying enough attention to him for him to pay for almost laughing.

Fea noticed, of course, raising a brow. "What? You look like you're ready to explode."

Die ducked his head and let out a tiny little laugh. "Noooothing." He concentrated on trying to get a cab as well, hoping Fea could be distracted.

He wasn't, determined to figure out Die's source of amusement, reaching to tickle him. "Tell me!"

Die let out a squeal and then started flailing at Fea. He was, in fact, rather ticklish and Fea was finding all the right places.

Kyo sputtered with laughter, watching them, somehow managing to still raise a hand to hail the cab.

Die whined even louder and then finally struggled away. "MERCY!" he squealed out, rushing a ways down the street.

Both of them were in peals of laughter, a taxi pulling up. Kyo, still giggling, pulled the door open and let Fea inside, sliding into the middle.

Die sort of rushed back after they had gotten in, breathless. Settling down, he swallowed and tried hard to catch his breath, licking at his lips a little.

Kyo gave the address and leaned on Fea, not really worried about being found out by what could easily be read as a simple gesture. "So when is Kaoru supposed to be back tomorrow?" he asked, looking over at Die.

Die made a little face. "I'm not actually sure." He shrugged and sniffed, wiping away some tears from laughing so hard. "I think he told me, but I forgot." Taking out his phone, he texted Kaoru. 

_What time do I see you tomorrow?_

Kyo sort of snickered again at Die's tears of laughter. 

Kaoru replied immediately. _My interview is at 10AM. I should be at the hotel around noon with our room. No pressure, though. You can hang with Kyo until we have go back to Tokyo on Thursday, if you want._

 _I miss you, baby. Lots._ He sent it back and then murmured, "Apparently he says he'll be at the hotel by noon."

Kyo nodded, nuzzling against Fea's shoulder, shopping bags swarming around their legs. 

He pursed his lips a little and then shifted around in his place. "Mmm... I'm thinking... sushi... I can see if I really don't like it or if it's just the stuff in the US that I don't like."

Kyo sort of shrugged. "Okay. Sounds good to me, I guess." 

Fea sort of perked. "I love sushi!"

"I have one request though... I want a crunch roll if they have them here. It's one I know I like. And then I'll sample other things."

The blond laughed, nodding. "Alright."

He licked his lips again and then patted his stomach. "And I'm dying for Sprite."

Fea cocked a brow. "Sprite? A rather specific craving."

"I dunno... I'd think I'd want my Fanta by now. But instead, it's Sprite I want. No idea why." He shrugged and shifted the bags around in his lap.

Kyo pat Die's stomach, smirking. "Don't worry, I'll feed your tummy's desires."

Die beamed at him. "Good good." He blushed a little. "I've gained four pounds since I've been here."

Fea laughed, reaching over to ruffled Die's hair. "Probably good for you, skinny. I think I've gained weight, too. It's hard to resist indulging here."

"Yeah... well... I'm not gonna worry about it while I'm here... or until it comes to be more than that, at least"

Kyo looked at Die with a smile, letting him know in Japanese, "You still look good, don't worry. I'll let you know when you start to turn into a blimp." He laughed a little and patted Die's knee, waiting for them to arrive back at the hotel.

Die let out a laugh. "Alright, fine. That's a promise. I'm holding you to it." He shifted his packages again.

The taxi pulled up in front of the hotel and Fea got out, grabbing a handful of bags, helping Kyo out and then offering a hand to Die. Kyo sort of blushed, watching his lover, thinking to Die, _Isn't he such a gentleman?_

Die struggled to get out, biting his lip while he took Fea's hand. _Yeah, he very much is._ He finally stood up and got all of his bags. Smiling, he bounded off toward the hotel.

Kyo followed with Fea in tow, heading up to the room and unlocking it, setting his bags down and picking up the room service menu, gesturing Die over to look at it with him.

Die bounded over and put his bags down, kicking his shoes off and then peering at the menu over Fea's shoulder. He pointed at the sushi area. "Mmm... what's in that one?"

Kyo looked at the menu. "Yellow tail, puffed rice, carrot, and cucumber."

Fea looked at it helplessly, tugging on Kyo's sleeve. "Why don't we get an a la carte plate to sample a bunch of different kinds? Or is there a sampler? I wouldn't know what to pick." 

Kyo nodded, pointing at the assorted plate, which was rather epic in its size, then looked at Die. "How does that sound?"

Die peered at it and then nodded once he was assured it came with a crunch roll in it. He smiled. "Looks good to me."

Kyo nodded, picking up the phone and calling downstairs to order, getting a beer bucket, as well. When he was done, he flipped on the TV, going to pay-per-view. "Want to watch a movie?"

Die flopped over on the bed, digging around in his suitcase and trying to put things from his shopping bags into it. It took him a bit, but finally everything was in there and he pulled out the chocolates from his first day in Japan, tossing one to Kyo and  
one to Fea, popping one into his mouth and then putting the rest away. "Sure! Anything you want is fine."

Kyo flipped around, finding a sort of supernatural drama. Thankfully, there was the option of English subtitles for Fea. 

Fea missed that he was being thrown a candy, the sweet popping him in the nose. He squawked, then looked at the chocolate, laughing. "Thanks."

Die cracked up, shaking his head. "Captain Observant is _in_ the house!"

Fea kind of blushed, knowing he could be rather bird-brained. He scooted up on the bed to rest his back against the headboard, Kyo curling up beside him. After only about ten minutes, the room service arrived and Kyo rolled the cart in between their beds, plucking a few pieces of sushi up and placing it on a plate.

Die immediately slipped over to the food cart, peering at it and picking out two pieces of the crunch roll before picking up a few other ones that looked less scary than some of the others.

Fea made himself a little plate and then laid across Kyo's lap, propped up on an elbow, eating slowly while he read subtitles.

Die picked up the first one, sniffing at it and then popping it in his mouth and chewing. He pulled a face and shuddered, swallowing quickly to get it to go away. "Salmon... definite no."

Kyo sort of chuckled, watching Die taste each kind of sushi, himself enjoying the salmon, Fea nibbling on a shrimp. The one with eel, Die decided he liked, along with the shrimp sashimi.

The one he liked the best besides the crunch roll though, was the one with mostly cucumbers in it, and a little crab meat. He snagged two more of them and then smiled happily as he munched on them.

Kyo and Fea were rather getting into the movie, some over-complicated plot about a woman who was reliving the memories of her new home's previous owners, jumping whenever something frightening popped up, laughing at each other, feeding one another pieces of sushi. 

Die's phone buzzed with a goodnight message from Kaoru. _Heading to bed early. Laying down alone makes me miss you like crazy!_

Die picked up his phone and read the message, tilting his head a little. _I miss you, too... like crazy. I want to cuddle with you so much right now._

 _< 3 Me too, baby. I'll see you tomorrow. Night! *kisses*_

Kyo watched Die text, playing with Fea's hair. "Kaoru?"

Die frowned a little when Kaoru told him goodnight, having wanted to talk longer. But he just replied with _Sweet dreams._ and then put his phone down. "Yeah, he was saying goodnight," he murmured.

Kyo nodded, sipping at his soda and eating his last piece of sushi, lounging on Fea, who was watching the TV with rapt attention, caught up in the suspense. The blond smirked at him, loving his childish nature, at times.

Die finished off his sushi and then opened his Sprite, sipping at it quietly for a few minutes before he got up and slipped outside, lighting up a cigarette and peering out over the railings.

The movie ended not long after and Fea stepped out onto the balcony, watching the late-evening summer sunset and lighting a cigarette. Kyo was putting the plates and things away and pushing the room service cart into the hall, about to take a shower. Fea took a drag off his cigarette and stood beside Die, leaning over a little. "I can hear your brain going. What's on your mind?"

Die looked over at Fea and gave him a soft smile, almost sad. "Missing Kaoru... I just sort of wanted someone to cuddle with." He chewed a bit on his lower lip and then sighed, shaking his head. "I get... weird... when he's not around. Not entirely sure why."

Fea pat Die's shoulder fondly. "It's not weird. Maybe a little codependent, I don't know, but it's not weird. You live together, so it can be a bit odd not having your other half around all of a sudden." He smirked around the butt of his smoke. "You can cuddle with us tonight if you want."

He nodded a little. "It doesn't help if we're mad and separate... but somehow, I think it's worse being apart and not mad." He gave a lopsided smile. "No, it's okay... but thank you for the offer."

Fea shrugged. "Your loss," he joked. "I think it's good you're trying with him, and that it's been getting better."

Die held out his arms. "Maybe a hug before I go shower."

Fea gave a crooked grin and hugged him tight, rubbing his back. "I think Kyo's in there right now, but he's usually quick."

Die nodded. "Meh, it's fine, I'll just get ready." He smiled, ruffling Fea's hair a little and then slipping inside, feeling slightly better after getting a hug.

Fea stayed out on the porch and finished his cigarette, watching the sky start to turn pink as the sun made its way towards the Western horizon. Die went in and rummaged around in his luggage, getting out his razor, shaving foam, and favorite conditioner. Other than that, he'd use the stuff given by the hotel. Getting a pair of boxer briefs to sleep in, he just settled on the dresser, waiting on Kyo to finish. Within five minutes, Kyo was coming out of the shower carrying his dirty clothes, a towel around his waist, wet hair dripping onto his shoulders. When he came out, Die gave him a sort of bug-eyed look for a moment and then looked at the floor, going off to the bathroom rather quickly.

Kyo got dressed in some clothes to sleep in, Fea following suit. They curled up in bed together and turned off all the lights except for the lamp between the beds, the TV on for background noise while they talked quietly about silly things, anything, Fea's head on Kyo's chest, the other's long fingers pulling through the dark, long strands.

Die slipped into the bathroom, quickly stripping off and getting in the shower. First, he washed his packer, and then he went about washing himself up, the image of Kyo all freshly showered, water dripping down his torso from his shoulders haunting him though the entire thing. By the time he got to his hair, he was honestly rather worked up and he felt sort of mixed about that, mostly feeling sort of stupid though.

By the time Die had finished his shower, Fea and Kyo were kissing lightly, trying not to be too obnoxious, but needing the affection. Being in public and having to hide what they were made it nearly impossible to not want to be overly affectionate when they had a moment alone. Fea was walking his fingers up Kyo's chest and over his shoulder, kissing along his collarbone with little playful, loud kisses, making the blond laugh.

Die dried off, put on his boxer briefs and then left the bathroom, coming back out with all of his stuff, smelling vaguely like peaches and spices. He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at Fea and Kyo making out and just stared for a moment. Tossing his stuff in his bag, he damn near face-palmed, feeling like there was some kind of ongoing conspiracy against him. Shaking his head a little, he went and grabbed a tank top, pulling it on and then snatching up his smokes, stepping outside again and lighting up, not knowing what on earth else to do.

Kyo cocked a brow, rolling over on top of Fea and giving him a slow kiss as he worked his way off the bed and finally pulled away, sliding open the glass door and leaning in it. 

"Hey... is everything okay?"

Die glanced over his shoulder when the door opened and then shrugged a little. "Just missing Kaoru for cuddling." Well, that and he was horny, but he figured Mr. Psychic probably already knew that.

Kyo frowned a little, going over to Die and hugging him around the waist. "I'm sorry. I don't think sometimes... I promise I'm not trying to rub it in your face. It's hard for me to keep my hands off him." He looked back to make sure Fea was distracted now by the game show that was on. He bit his lip and pulled away a little, holding onto Die's arms. "I--I really love him, Die. He makes me so ridiculously happy. I feel safe. I don't get that a lot. And he's _mine_ , even more rare." He twisted up his face, feeling like he couldn't quite word it the way he wanted. "I hope this is what it feels like for you with Kaoru. Really."

Die gave him a little smile and then nodded. "It's fine, Kyo. I just sort of get... well... you know." He gave an awkward shrug. "But yeah, it is like that with Kaoru... at least when things are going well."

Kyo sort sighed, chewing on his lip, the ring there clicking against his crooked teeth. "And what about when it's not going well? I know things won’t be perfect with him and me forever, but I've never done anything like this before. I could use a heads-up."

Die gave him a sad sort of look. "It sucks massive balls. It feels like nothing will ever be right again. It makes you want to give up but there's this terrible pain involved in thinking you're giving up that you know means you shouldn't. So, in the end, you try and try and  
try until things are more stable. But after the first time, there's doubt... doubt that it can ever be the same as it was, doubt that it'll all work out in the end, doubt that you are even right for him. But it's then that all the little things hold you together. The way he  
folds his underwear that you find adorable, the way he slurps when he eats soup, the way he tilts his head at you when he's thinking, the way he holds you at night. Those things are the glue and the only reason it ever feels worth trying again."

Kyo's lip trembled and his brows drew together. When Die was done speaking, Kyo hugged him suddenly, tightly. "Thank you... that makes me feel better. I know we're going to fight a lot when we tour, I can just see it."

Die gasped softly at the hug, drawing Kyo in close and bending down enough to press a kiss to his hair. "If it's meant to work out, and you both keep on trying, it won't break. You've seen me at the worst with me and Kaoru, but you've also seen the best."

Kyo nodded and pulled away, going back to chewing at his lip. "Thanks. I don't think this will last forever, I mean, not that I wouldn't like that, but..." He shrugged uselessly, shaking his head. "Whatever. It's just a little daunting, having no prior experience with this." He rubbed Die's arm and looked back at Fea, looking like he had no idea if he should be laughing at the television just then, confused by the weird game show. "Are you ready to go to bed? I'm pretty exhausted from today."

Die gave a little nod and then let Kyo go, gesturing back toward inside, tossing his smoke in the ashtray. "Yeah, I'm tired too." Well... most of it was tired, part of it wasn't, but he didn't figure that was something he should really be sharing.

Kyo went back in and crawled up on the bed with Fea after drawing the curtains shut after Die. Fea texted Clairen good morning and settled down, pulling Kyo against him and snuggling under the covers with a happy sigh. Kyo purred, getting comfortable, reaching to turn off the light, making sure Die was settled, or close to it. "Night!"

Die crawled into his own bed and then sat back up, using his phone as a light to dig around in his bags and find the little Kaoru-like doll.

Pulling it out, he carefully removed it from the box and then came back, settling down again in bed and tugging the covers up, cradling the doll against his chest as he closed his eyes. "Night," he murmured, a little tiny smile on his lips.

**To Be Continued…**


	60. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: wraithrhionann

Sleeping in always made Kyo feel drowsy, but with the summer heat and peach ice cream, it was a nice feeling. He sat in the little back patio of the ice cream shop, hiding behind a fedora and big sunglasses, where the three of them had gone. Fea was making his way through a caramel sundae, his long legs crossed in the chair, looking like an overgrown child. Halfway through lifting up a bite of cookies-and-cream, Die's phone went off; Kaoru, of course.

 _In Kyoto, checked into the hotel. I'll be here all day, take your time. Just text me when you come up, I've been reading on the balcony so I might not hear the door._

In all honesty, Kaoru was desperate to see Die; the night before had been fretful and a little frightening, full of what was somewhere between mild hallucinations and waking up out of bad dreams. Stubborn as always, though, he was determined to play it cool and not feel so silly about it, wanting Die to take what time he needed with Kyo.

Die picked up his phone, reading the text. Pushing the ice cream glass back, he quickly texted a reply to Kaoru. _I'll be there when I'm done with ice cream and we get back in that direction. I've missed you!_

Sending it, he looked up at Kyo and Fea. "He's here!"

Fea let out a sparkling laugh at Die finding his excitement adorable. 

Kyo rolled his eyes fondly. "I guess you're leaving us, then?"

Die looked at his ice cream and then at them, shaking his head. "I'll finish my ice cream and then go." He offered them a big smile before he dug into his ice cream, making a sound of contentment as he spooned it in. "This is always the hardest part," he informed between bites, "leaving and knowing it'll be a while before I see you again."

Kyo gave him a little smile, slightly sad. "I'll see you next month. We stop that night and have two days before the next gig. Maybe we can stay with you and Kaoru, okay?" He peeled the wrapper farther down his cone. "You've still got some time, anyway. You have to get your bags, silly."

Die beamed at him. "Really? Good!" He shoved in the last couple bites of ice cream and then leaned forward, resting his cheek on his hand. "I don't think either of us will object to having you guys stay."

Kyo laughed. "I'd hope not." He finished up his ice cream, Fea having his fill, throwing away their trash. "Come on, cutie, let's go get you packed up and send you off to your man."

Die stood up, pushing his hands into his pants pockets and wandered off toward the exit, knowing they'd follow. His cheeks were a little flushed from being called cutie, but there was a smile on his lips.

Kyo hurried along after him, Fea sort of taking his time, strolling a little ways back, snapping photos on his phone and sending them to Clairen, who was pestering him for some kind of visual aid to the city. Kyo nudged Die's arm. "I'm really glad we got to do this. I missed you."

"I'm glad we could, too," he murmured softly. "I'm glad things are still okay between us." He felt like it was the closest to an apology he could get for the time being for what he'd done when he was in LA.

Kyo made a little face, walking closer to Die, switching to Japanese. "We'll figure it out. Maybe we'll both get so caught up with you in Kaoru and me in Fea, it will be easier for us just to be friends, yeah? I hope that's how it works out."

Die smiled a little and nodded, hands still buried in his pockets. "Yeah, I think with time it'll get even easier. It already is."

Kyo smiled as Fea caught up with them, barging in between them with a big smile. He put his arms over both of their shoulders, though it was a little odd with him being so much taller, making them look like children walking with their father or older sibling. He was humming a little to himself, that border of madness that drew Kyo in shining bright. When they reached the hotel, Kyo started to idiot check for Die, making sure he wasn't leaving anything behind.

Die zipped up his bags, smiling happily while he went about getting everything ready. He found one sock hidden halfway under the bed and tossed it in. A moment later, he was done and had his bags on the bed. Biting his lip, he went over to Fea first, pulling him into a hug, murmuring, "I consider you my second friend." He smiled softly and then pulled back, going to Kyo, gently pulling him into his arms and hugging him close.

Fea sort of blushed, rubbing the back of his head and giving a little nod to that. Kyo squeezed onto Die, purring. "Text me to let me know everything's okay, when you get home, all that, alright?"

Die kissed his cheek before pulling back and smiled, ruffling his hair. "I will, I promise. I'll let you know when we're leaving and stuff, too."

Kyo nodded with a smile, Fea rolling Die's bags to the door. "I'll walk you down with these to a taxi, if you want."

The redhead nodded. "Please." He shouldered his backpack and then shoved his feet back in his shoes, traipsing off toward the door, opening it and then going into the hallway.

Kyo bit his lip, deciding at the last second to stay in the room, knowing long drawn out goodbyes with him and Die were hard. Fea followed with Die's suitcase, one hand tucked into his pocket, taking the elevator down. "Kaoru has his surgery before the show, doesn't he?" he asked, trying to be as casual about it as possible.

Die got into the elevator and then nodded at him, sniffing a little, sort of nervously. "Yeah, he does... couple days after we get back actually." He bit his lip a little and glanced up at Fea.

Fea looked back at Die, giving him a sort of sad smile. "Watch out for him, okay? He's stubborn, I can tell. He needs to stay in bed, I mean, only get up to piss, for at least a week. Maybe two. If he can't come to the show, I won’t be heart-broken."

Die nodded. "I know. Maybe I'll tie him down." He gave a lopsided smile. "He might like it."

Fea laughed as a taxi pulled up for them. The trunk popped and Fea put Die's bag in the trunk. "If you need anything, don't think you can't ask. Having money is worthless without friends to share it with, especially if you end up needing a nurse or something for a while to help take care of him, alright?"

Die gave him a sad sort of smile and then reached for him, pulling him into a hug. "Thank you... I may need some help at some point. Things sort of get tight real fast."

Fea's skinny arms crushed Die against him for a moment and he kissed the top of his hair before pulling away and opening the door of the cab. "Take care."

"You, too," Die murmured softly. He put his bag in and then his backpack, slipping in just after them and giving the address of the hotel Kaoru was in. He waved to Fea and then shut the door, relaxing back in the seat.

Kaoru tried his best to be patient, distracting himself with cups of tea and reading one of the new books he'd bought in Osaka. He also attempted sitting out on the balcony and chain smoking though he kept his phone on the table and compulsively checked it.

Die arrived in fairly good time, messaging Kaoru once he was in the lobby, getting in the elevator and waiting to come up, bouncing a bit impatiently. Once he arrived at the door, he knocked, a silly grin on his face.

Kaoru put his book and tea down the moment his phone pinged, going inside with everything and checking himself in the mirror. He fixed his hair, in an odd state of grown out while still being short, and went to the door at the knock, biting his lip to keep from splitting his face open in a smile. Opening the door wide and stepping back to let Die in, he barely resisted the urge to throw himself on Die, drinking him in with his eyes as if to assure himself he was still real. It was strange for only two days apart, but after the last two times they had been away from each other, being without Die set him on edge. "Hey, pumpkin."

Die grinned happily, coming inside, putting his bags aside and then scooping Kaoru up in his arms, squishing him against him and showering him with kisses. "I missed you, love."

Kaoru let out a squeak at being picked up, wrapping his arms around Die's neck and giggling at the rain of kisses. Catching Die's mouth in one, he sighed and sucked at his lips gently, letting him know he'd most certainly missed him, too. He heard the door shut and realized Die was carrying him towards the bed, laughing. He had something of a surprise under his clothes for Die, anyway; what better way for him to find it?

Die plopped him down on the bed and crawled over him, pressing close while he kissed and nipped at his lips. The taste of his lover was something he had already found himself missing and he loved it like no other. His hands pushed up over his lover's hips and then sides, pushing around under his back and moving to suck on Kaoru's neck. "God I love you," he whispered.

Die's touch sent chills through Kaoru, goose bumps rising on his skin, his body moving to try and get closer, still, hands speared in Die's soft hair. He only made it to "I--", trying to return the sentiment, when his breath caught in his throat and he moaned, tilting his head to give Die better access. He was terribly horny; missing Die had made him want him beyond belief and he moved under his lover eagerly to show it.

Die pushed his legs up a little, positioning himself closer and sort of humping against him in little jerking thrusts. "Want you so bad," he hissed out softly. He'd been desperate for him the whole time. 

Kaoru let out a little whine, his hips jumping towards Die's, desperate for friction. "Nn... take it, I don't care how, need you so bad." His lips found Die's ear and he worked his way down, biting rather hard at his neck.

Die let out a rather obnoxious moan. Shivering a little, he reached down, trying to take Kaoru's pants off without actually stopping doing what he was doing.

Kaoru laughed breathlessly, trying to help him with one hand, the other tugging at Die's shirt, wanting to get them both naked and fucking as soon as humanly possible. With both of them helping, it wasn't long before they were both naked.

Pushing Kaoru down, Die examined his lover, his head tilting when he saw the new tattoo, a grin breaking out over his lips while he visually traced the pumpkin, following the vines down into the heart they shaped. "You did it," he murmured softly, leaning down and kissing just above it very gently.

Kaoru felt a surge of lust flash through him when Die pushed him down, blushing slightly when his lover noticed the tattoo, a sugar-sweet dedication for him. He nodded a little then sucked in a hiss at the kiss, the skin still very sensitive. "Mm. I couldn't resist. The guy I interviewed this morning offered to do a little work on me and it just felt right."

Die grinned. "I love it." His fingers danced over the area around it and then he shifted back to the position he'd been in before, pushing one of Kaoru's hands over his head. Staring down into his eyes, he licked his lips. "How much do you need me?"

The manipulation snapped Kaoru easily back into the lustful mood they'd been riding. He stared up into Die's eyes until it was almost uncomfortable, feeling himself growing more submissive by the second, giving in. "I need you so bad I feel empty. I need you to fill me up, to take me. I feel like I'll burst if you don't." He bit his lip and gave Die a desperate look, spreading his legs.

Die groaned softly. "Oh yeah, baby." He patted his side and then pulled back, scrambling over to his suitcase and ripping it open, digging for his strap-on. "Stay exactly where you are."

Kaoru hardly breathed, not moving a muscle, only his eyes following Die and his teeth worrying away slightly at the inside of his lip, a little moan leaving him when he saw the plastic cock.

Die tugged the strap-on into place and then grabbed his lube, coming back to Kaoru, pushing between his legs and then settling down against him, smirking a little. Lapping at his neck, he finally bit the spot a little, enough to leave a bruise, smirking to himself. "I love you, my sweetheart."

The bite made Kaoru shout, but he loved it, squirming under Die, putting his other hand up above his head, stretched out beneath his lover.

One hand slid up to Kaoru's hand, the other down between his legs, testing at his hole before moving to open the lube, squirting it over his cock and then rubbing some on his fingers, going back to Kaoru's entrance, pushing a little until one finger slid in. 

"Hnn... I love you, too." Kaoru's breath hitched and he wriggled his hips against the finger sliding inside him, little moans leaving him.

It took Die a few moments before he finally started pumping that finger in and out of his lover. He smirked down at him, licking his lips a little and then leaning down and starting to kiss Kaoru rather harshly while he pushed in a second finger.

Kaoru let Die kiss him, opening his mouth and kissing back just enough to not be disinterested, the second finger making him groan like a whore. He gave himself over to Die completely, holding back from begging, wanting his lover to do with him what he would. For a minute, he fucked him with both fingers before he finally pulled his fingers free, wiped them on the bed, and then moved to press the head of his cock against Kaoru's entrance. Slowly, he started to push in, groaning quietly as he watched himself disappear inside his lover.

Kaoru gripped at his own hair, his voice moving up in pitch, his legs thrown apart, arching his hips towards Die. "Oh _god_ , feels so good!"

Die pushed all the way in and ground his hips against him, moaning quietly. A few moments later and he started to really move, fucking him pretty hard, both hands going to Kaoru's wrists and holding him while he stared down at him. "Mine," he whispered, "all mine."

Kaoru's eyes rolled back in his head and he took it gladly, raising his knees and hugging Die between them, but not wrapping them around his waist, not wanting to impede his thrusts. "Uhn... gladly!"

Nuzzling down against him, he started to thrust even faster, humping him into the covers, groaning loudly. "Fuck," his thrusts grew even faster, "you feel so goddamn good!"

Kaoru could only moan and shout, overcome with pleasure and Die being so forceful, feeling like he was in heaven. He rolled his hips with Die's thrusts and kissed at him whenever he was close enough, enjoying the hell out of it.

Die let go of one of Kaoru's hands, smirking at him. "Touch yourself... jerk yourself off like you do when you're alone." His lips pressed over Kaoru's, tasting him desperately, his thrusts getting faster.

Kaoru whimpered slightly, but did as he was told, feeling somehow humiliated as he took his dick in his hand, pulling at nearly a fourth the pace of Die slamming into him, his thumb playing over the crown and his head pressing back into the pillow, back arching.

Die nuzzled under Kaoru's chin, kissing and sucking and licking. He whimpered softly, pushing in a little harder each time. "I love you... I love you so goddamn fucking much." His thrusts grew faster, harder... the snap of flesh against flesh filling the room along with his groans.

Kaoru kissed him back, trying to return his love in the kiss, unable to form words, on the edge of cumming and holding back just barely, waiting to be told, waiting for Die to finish with him. 

Groaning quietly, he shoved into him again and again, watching what Kaoru was doing, feeling more and more aroused by the moment. Pushing in forcefully, he finally settled against him, rotating his hips in place, letting out a cry and then a choked out string of wishes for Kaoru to cum for him. It wasn't but a moment later that he was cumming himself.

As soon as Kaoru heard the words, he started jerking himself furiously, quickly finding his end, clinging to Die and making a mess of them both, his lover's name leaving his lips in a sigh.

Die sagged over him, sliding his arms under Kaoru, cradling him close, still buried deep inside. Moaning, he rested his head on his lover's shoulder. "I love you... so much." 

Kaoru caught his breath, one hand stroking Die's hair, cheek pressed to it. "Mmmm... I love you, too, pumpkin."

Die nuzzled him a little, a smile on his face. "I couldn't help myself. I wanted to be close to you so bad."

Kaoru laughed, hugging Die between his legs. "It's okay. I got horny missing you."

Die chuckled a little and then nodded, licking his lips a little before slowly pulling out and ditching his strap-on on the edge of the bed. He crawled back on and tugged Kaoru up a little more so he could lay with him, with their heads on the pillows.

Kaoru moaned when Die pulled out of him, settling down beside him and hugging around his waist. "So you had fun with Kyo?"

Die offered him a smile and then nodded. "Yeah, I did. Got you a few things. Wanna see?"

Kaoru smiled, giving Die's lips a short kiss. "Hmm, I got you some stuff, too. So yeah."

Die laughed, moving off the bed and over to his bags, kneeling down and digging around. He pulled out the sake and tea sets, bringing them over to the bed, face down. Handing them over to Kaoru, he gave him a big smile.

Kaoru smiled, reaching for the packages with one hand and pointing at three bags by the desk with the other. "I bought you a ton of clothes."

Die grinned, bouncing up and going to grab the bags, coming back to the bed and plopping down, dumping his bags out to see what was in them.

Kaoru laughed at him, looking at his gifts. "Aaaw, baby, they're wonderful, thank you!"

Die smiled at him, happily starting to go through his clothing. There were shirts and pants, including a new pair of red leather pants. Among the other things, were some cute, silly socks and a few pairs of silk boxers and one pair of slinky red panties. Die held those up and raised an eyebrow at Kaoru. "Where's my skirt, baby?" He grinned, showing he no issues with it and was simply teasing.

Kaoru blushed. "I couldn't help it. They begged to clothe your sweet pussy." He couldn't stop the laugh that left him, getting up to put his gifts in his bag.

Die laughed, shaking his head and then putting them and the red leather pants aside. He dug out a black silk shirt he'd brought and put it with them, smiling to himself. "Hnn, I think I just found my outfit for tomorrow." He put everything else back in their bags and then into his own suitcase. Flopping back down, he pulled out the Kaoru doll from behind his back, holding it out. "Kyo bought it for me... look at it." He actually had the grace to blush a little.

Kaoru laughed at him and then laid eyes on the doll, turning bright red. After a moment, he hesitantly reached out. "Want me to add a little of the real thing?"

Die smirked at him. "Sure. I couldn't resist him. He's adorable... just like you."

Kaoru blushed darker, taking the doll and hugging it, closing his eyes and feeling just a little silly as he imagined pushing a little piece of himself into it, just in case he and Die were ever apart and his lover needed the comfort of his presence.

Die watched him, his eyes bright. Looking happy with himself, he watched Kaoru's efforts, placing his hand over Kaoru's knee, feeding him love and affection, trying to help out a little.

Kaoru smiled a little, hugging onto the doll for a while longer before handing him back. "There. Charged up and ready to go!"

Die smiled, taking him and giving the little doll a kiss on the nose before putting him back on his bag and leaning in to give the real Kaoru a similar kiss. "Mmm... I think I have just become a huge girl."

Kaoru kissed him back, beaming. "I'll forgive it. The technical bisexuality makes me feel edgy."

Die snorted a bit and then shook his head. "You know, I never thought I'd be completely comfortable just like this. I mean, I'm still lacking the biggest surgery, and yet... I don't feel like I _have_ to get it."

Kaoru sort of tilted his head, giving a soft smile. "I love you like this. You're no less a man to me the way you are right now. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy."

Die reached up, gently stroking his lover's cheek. "I love you with all my heart, baby. Every last ounce of it."

Kaoru could say nothing, only leaning into the touch and blushing, nuzzling Die's hand.

Die leaned up, kissing him a little and then gently tugging him back down. "C'mere, baby... want to just make out for a while."

Kaoru squeaked, giggling a little, giddy. He wrapped his arms around Die and purred, kissing him softly, slowly. 

Die smirked against his mouth, cradling Kaoru against him, tangling their legs and letting his hands wander, seeming perfectly content like this.

Kaoru sucked tenderly at Die's lips, touching his hair and wrapping himself around his lover, gently playing the tip of his tongue around the edge of the other man's mouth.

Die slid his own tongue out, lapping gently at Kaoru's, his eyelids fluttering with pleasure.

Kaoru's fingers danced across Die's back, knowing the tattooed patterns there, pressing them chest-to-chest. "Hnn, love you, baby," he murmured before diving back in and kissing him more."Love you, too," he whispered softly, "So much." 

Letting out a little purr, he let himself over to the kiss.

Kaoru wrapped his tongue around Die's and sucked at it. His heart swelled and he crushed Die against him, moaning softly. 

Die let it go on for quite a while, moaning happily and playing around with Kaoru. After a while, he finally rolled them onto their sides and just lay there, watching Kaoru and stroking over his lover's side.

Kaoru purred, looking at Die adoringly, rubbing him back. "You know I'm going to be laid up for a while, baby. Any sexy freakiness you want you probably want to get out of the way now." He blushed a little, kissing Die's chin. "I, uh... do you still have Ainsley's number?"

Die gave a little laugh and then nodded. "Yeah, of course, I do." He licked his lips a little and then rolled over on his side. "I don't really have anything specific in mind myself." Well, he sort of did, but he didn't like pushing things too much and it felt sort of odd to be asking for things when he knew Kaoru was going to be laid up soon. He felt like it should be Kaoru asking for such things.

Kaoru bit his lip, touching Die's back, tracing a finger down the tree's trunk. "Could you... maybe call her? See if she might be interested in... well... you know?"

"Sure." Rolling over, he got up and went to get his phone, searching through his contacts and then texting her. 

_Hey, wondering if you'd be up for letting Kaoru 'dip his wick' so to speak. We're currently in Japan, heading back tomorrow though and it'd need to be the day after  
we get back since he's having a biopsy the next day. ~Die_

Kaoru blushed, reaching towards Die. "Thank you. Are you really okay with this?"

Ainsley was sitting with coffee reading a book when her phone buzzed, reading the text with confusion for a moment before recognition dawned. 

_The cute Asian guy with the tattoo sleeves, right? I could be down for that. I'm not a whore, though. I'd require some respect. I guess you understand that? What did you have in mind, exactly?_

"Yeah, I'm fine with it. I just want to be there, that's all." Die read the response from her and blushed a little. _Sorry if I was too blunt. I'm really unsure how to go about something like this. I've never asked someone who wasn't my close friend to uh... be with my boyfriend. He just really wants to experience a 'real' woman before his surgery._ He bit his lip a little and then hit send.

Kaoru sort of smiled and lay on his back, stretched out. 

Ainsley responded with _I don't mind. He's hot and good with his fingers. I'll make sure to have good lingerie. What are his favorite colors?_

Kaoru tugged at the sheet over Die's thigh. "What about you? What do you want? Anything."

_Violet, for sure. I have no idea what he really has in mind, but I'm sure whatever you're willing is more than fine. I do know he wants it to be you, not anyone else. He adores your art and obviously thinks you’re hot. My only requirement is that I'm there. Is that acceptable?_

Kaoru kept playing with the sheet over Die's leg. 

_Is he okay with using a supplement like Cock Star or something? If I'm going to fuck him, I'm going all the way, hours and hours. I'm cool with you being there. If you want, you can fuck me, too. I liked being with you, you're fun."_

_Die glanced at Kaoru. "Are you okay with using a supplement to stay harder longer?" He waited on answering her until he'd gotten a reply from Kaoru._

_Kaoru thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I guess so. The cock ring with Kyo and Fea wasn't that bad."_

_"I think the supplements are less agonizing than that." Die texted back. _He's okay with it. And I wouldn't mind joining in as well at some point, as long as you're both cool with that.__

_Ainsley smirked, sipping her coffee. _Sounds like a plan. I'll fuck your boyfriend in two days. I'll send you plans tomorrow. I always like a set-up. Would you be okay with playing with me to tease him? Does he like being tied up?__

__I'd be okay with that and yes, he does._ Die sent the message back and murmured, "She's definitely up for it, by the way. Two days from now, you got yourself some real pussy."_

_Kaoru made a little sound of pleasure, rolling towards Die a bit. "Wonderful. Can I maybe have some of your pussy before?" He smirked. "What about you, what do you want?"_

_"You can always have some of it. It's not off-limits... ever." He let out a little laugh, trying hard to let the second question slip under the radar. Truth was, he had somehow plunked himself back into a phase of not wanting to admit what he desired._

_Kaoru leaned up and kissed the top of Die's knee. "Hnn, good. Your pussy's mine?" He wouldn't let Die slide by like that easily, prodding him again. "Really, I know you've got to have some fantasy on your mind, or something you just want right now. What is it, sugar?"_

_Die took in a breath and then sighed it out. Biting his lip a little, he just shook his head. He didn't really know what to say, didn't want to admit it. "Nah, it's nothing. Don't worry about it," he finally murmured, not wanting to drag the whole thing through the mud like he usually ended up doing with twisted fantasies._

_Kaoru frowned cutely, looking up at Die and rubbing his leg, stroking the inside of his thigh. "Honeeeeey!" he whined, stroking at the soft skin. "Please tell me? You know I live to please."_

_Die squirmed a little and blushed, shaking his head. "Nooo," he murmured, looking quite embarrassed._

_Kaoru frowned deeper, moving closer and pressing his face to Die's chest. "Whaaaat? Tell meeeeee!"_

_Die ended up turning something the shade of a tomato, trying hard to think up something besides what he had initially thought of to cover it up. But nothing would come, like his mind was taunting him by not letting him think of anything else. He squirmed a little and let out a quiet whine before murmuring, "Tell you later." Maybe by later, he could think of something else._

_Kaoru frowned more, nuzzling Die's stomach. "I hate it when you feel like you can't tell me stuff. I might not do whatever it is you're wanting, but you know I won’t flip out on you or judge you for it. You do know that, right?"_

_Die offered him a soft smile. "Baby, I know you won't judge me or anything. But sometimes it's uncomfortable to ask for things. I just have... phases. I don't mean to, but I do."_

_Kaoru nodded, kissing Die's collarbones. "Alright... but know if you don't ask for it soon, I won’t be able to give it to you for quite a while."_

_Die sort of squirmed again and then nodded. "I know. I'll live. It's fine." He rubbed his cheeks a little and then let out a soft sigh._

_Kaoru sighed and kissed Die's cheek, getting up to go wash off. "Alright... do you want to maybe go walk and find somewhere to eat? I'm a little hungry."_

_Die rolled over onto his back and then gave a little nod. "Alright. I'm in the mood for orange chicken... they do have that here, right?" He was never sure what was an invention of the market in the USA and what was actually borrowed from here._

_Kaoru thought about it, washing the cum off his stomach and coming to do the same for Die. "I'm sure a Chinese place would have it, sure. I'll get dressed and we'll find somewhere."_

_Die made a tiny face. Eating Chinese in Japan seemed somehow sort of wrong. When Kaoru started wiping at his stomach, he made a little sound and then just lay there, letting him. "Later... eat me out," he murmured, finding that to be a reasonable sort of request._

_Kaoru bit his lip, smirking. "Sounds like a nice dessert to me." He put his hand out to help Die off the bed and then went to find some clothes._

_Die let out a loud laugh and grabbed his hand, getting up. Once he was on his feet, he went to the bathroom, took a quick piss, washed off his strap-on, and then went back to the main room, pulling on his clothing from earlier._

_Kaoru got his wallet and whatnot together, putting on his shoes and waiting for Die at the door. "So... with Ainsley... how much involvement do you want to have?"_

_Die shoved his feet in his flip-flops and then grabbed his sunglasses, slipping out the door. "She says she wants to be with me a little up front. Get you riled up real good. And whatever happens other than that, happens. But, like I said, I won't be unhappy if I just get to watch."_

_Kaoru smirked and closed the door, putting a hand through Die's elbow. "I certainly wouldn't mind watching you with her... I know it's not your thing, but watching you eat pussy is really... really fucking hot."_

_Die blushed a little, leading them toward the elevator. "Yeah? Mmm... what about if I did that porn thing where the girl gets under the fucking couple and licks at both of them?"_

_Kaoru shivered. "Whatever gets me watching you fuck a woman."_

_Die pulled him into the elevator and then pushed the button to go down. "So which way is this food?"_

_Kaoru shrugged. "There's bound to be somewhere around here. We'll just wander."_

_"Okay, that's fine." He didn't mind that as long as they did it at a relatively slow pace. He pushed his hands deep in his pockets, squishing Kaoru's arm to his side with a little smirk. "I'm not letting you go, so you know."_

_Kaoru laughed, walking pressed up against his side. "I won’t complain."_

_Die let out a giggle in that unique fashion of his as they started their trip through the area surrounding the hotel._

_Kaoru walked with a little spring, laying his hand over Die's and squeezing his fingers. "There's a park a ways up here, I want to get some photos of us after we eat, is that okay?"_

_Die nodded. "Sounds good to me." He looked around as he walked, trying to spot a Chinese food place. At long last, he found one, smiling to himself as he pointed it out and moved to the light to cross the street. "Well, that's lucky, isn't it?"_

_Kaoru nodded, kissing Die's cheek. "Good eyes, babe." Once the light turned, they made their way across the street and back up the block a bit to the shop. Die opened the door and let go of Kaoru's arm so he could go in first, smiling at him._

_His lover offered him a little smile and went in, telling the hostess they needed a table for two and being led to one._

_Die sort of skipped in after him, looking plainly pleased with himself. He settled down at the table and grabbed a menu, flipping it open and going through the options, quickly finding the orange chicken he wanted so badly._

_Kaoru sat down and looked for some sesame tofu, finding it. When the waitress came, he ordered two Sapporos, hoping Die wouldn't mind being ordered for and wouldn't object to his choice, going ahead and ordering their meals as well._

_Die just sat back, grinning happily and letting Kaoru order for him. He tacked on that he wanted Jasmine rice with the orange chicken._

_After the waitress left, he leaned closer. "You can order for me anytime, baby. I love it."_

_Kaoru gave Die a wry grin, sipping at the glass of water on the table. "You know I know what you like."_

_Die let out a soft laugh and then shrugged. "It's not cheating. It's knowing well!"_

_Reaching across the table, he took Die's hand, rubbing at his fingers. He looked idly around the restaurant while they waited on their food, seeming content, his mind off the apprehension of what was in store for him when they got home, enjoying the last few days of peace._

_Die just sat there, watching Kaoru's fingers play over his own, smiling to himself. A while later, the waitress came by with their beer and then their food, placing it all down in front of them and then scurrying off once more. Immediately, Die dug into his orange chicken, looking pleased to have it._

_Kaoru ate slowly, sipping his beer. "I can't wait to see Mako again, I miss that little bugger."_

_"Hnn, me too. He's probably grown some. I just hope he hasn't gotten too used to a huge yard to run around."_

_Kaoru frowned slightly, reaching across to squeeze Die's hand again. "In a few years, when we're ready to start a family, we'll find a house with a big yard. Okay?"_

_That made Die look up, his eyes studying Kaoru's carefully for a long few moments. At least he wasn't talking of death now. At least this way, it felt like there was hope left. He smiled a little and squeezed his hand back. "Okay."_

_Kaoru returned the smile and went back to eating. "Have you had fun here so far?"_

_"Yeah, I have," he murmured softly. "A lot actually. You?"_

_Kaoru shrugged. "Yesterday with jii-chan was a little awkward, like it always is, and everything else has been work." He stirred his rice a little and then picked up his beer. "I'm having a lot more fun with you, though."_

_"I'm sorry it's so awkward between you and your grandpa. But at least it was probably less awkward without me there, yeah?" Or so he hoped. He could imagine the fit that could be pitched over him being who and what he was and he didn't like the idea of it at all._

_Kaoru sort of rolled his eyes, nodding. "Unfortunately, yes. He's just so stern and... well, old. He always asks me why I live in America, when I'll move back to Japan. And I mean, it's not like I don't want to, but the way he asks it makes me actually feel like I don't."_

_Die pulled a face. "Sounds like a royal pain in the ass." Not that he had room to talk with the way his parents were. Speaking of, he winced a little remembering it was his brother's birthday. Fishing out his phone, he debated it and then texted him. _Happy Birthday. I hope life is treating you well._ He sent it and put his phone on the table, staring at it warily. "Brother's birthday... not sure why I even bother except that I'll feel like an ass if I don't."_

_Kaoru gave him a sad smile, reaching over to rub his arm. "Because you at least used to love them. It's hard to stop feeling that."_

_Die sighed. "I do still love them," he murmured softly. "I can't help that, no matter what they've done to me."_

_"I know, baby." Kaoru leaned over and kissed Die's temple, picking at his food before deciding he was full, sitting back to finish his beer. "Do you think, when we have children, that they'd even care? That maybe it might change something for them?"_

_"I don't know... I'd hope because we raised them, they would accept both of us the way we are. Society is getting a little better..." only a little though and he knew like anyone else that it came and it went, depending on the times. His phone buzzed and he picked it up, reading the message and rolling his eyes, tossing it on the table with a grunt._

__I don't need messages from a tranny slut._ _

_"That asshole needs to just rot in hell," Die muttered under his breath, shoving some food into his mouth and chewing, focusing on the taste._

_"I meant with your parents, sugar. Our kids _better_ accept us, we'll be putting food on the table." His brows furrowed and he looked at the message, his face immediately contorting into one of rage. With sharp motions, he slammed down the rest of his beer, getting up and pulling out his pack of cigarettes, heading towards the door. "I need a minute," he bit out, ready to explode and not wanting to do it in front of Die._

_Die winced a little, but nodded, watching his lover leave. He picked back up the phone and texted his brother back. _You're a goddamn fucking asshole. I changed my mind. I wish you to rot in hell for the nasty things you say._ Sending it off, he opened his brother's number in contacts and marked the option to auto-delete any messages he got from him and send any calls directly to voicemail. That done, he deleted the messages from him and then went back to eating, giving his plate a sort of sullen look. He hadn't meant to make Kaoru upset. Not at all. And he sort of felt like it was his fault, given that he'd been the one to contact his lousy, no-good brother._

_The waitress came by and he ordered two more beers and a cheesecake slice for Kaoru. She brought everything back in a timely manner and Die continued to slowly eat his orange chicken and jasmine rice._

_Kaoru came back in almost ten minutes later, having found the dumpster behind the restaurant and alternated chain smoking and throwing empty beer bottles into the dumpster, shattering them to blow off some steam. He came back and washed his hands in the restroom before returning to Die, hugging him around the shoulders from behind. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to get mad like that in front of you. Are you okay?" He sat down again, all attention on his lover._

_Die gave a little shrug. "Sorry I made you mad, that wasn't the intention." He offered him a little smile and gestured at the cheesecake. "I remembered you like it."_

_Kaoru frowned, stroking Die's cheek with his thumb. "You didn't make me mad, Die." He looked down at the cheesecake and gave a faint blush. "Thank you." He picked up his fork and took a little bite, swallowing before leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Die's mouth, flickering his tongue over his lover's lips briefly before pulling away, not giving a fuck what anyone around them thought._

_Die gave him sad little smile. "If I hadn't texted him, I wouldn't have gotten that message and it wouldn't have made you mad. But... I blocked him now. I know better than to ever try again."_

_Kaoru scooted his chair around to sit closer to Die, one hand on his knee while he ate his cheesecake, not sure what else to do to comfort him. He pointed at the slice, half-eaten, with his fork. "Want some?"_

_Die finished up his food, working on his second beer and watching Kaoru with his cheesecake. Leaning over a little, he opened his mouth, waiting to be fed a piece._

_Kaoru got a big piece on the fork and slid it past Die's lips with a crooked grin, rubbing his thigh. "I'm not quite satisfied, baby... I've still got a craving for something."_

_Die almost choked on his cheesecake, blushing a little. He swallowed and then murmured, "Oh yeah? Well... you still owe me eating a little something, you know."_

_Kaoru purred. "Hnn, I do. There's a novelty shop by the park I want to take pictures at. Maybe we can stop by there for some inspiration before we head back to the hotel?"_

_Die laughed and then nodded. "Sure." He thought bringing something exciting home from Japan like that would be amusing anyway. So it was a win-win situation, really._

_Kaoru picked at the rest of the cheesecake and finished his beer, stretching. The waitress came back and he took the check, putting down cash and grabbing his camera bag. "Ready?"_

_Die finished off his beer as well, standing up and smiling to himself, offering Kaoru his arm._

_Kaoru took it and walked out, going up the street to the large, wooded park. He walked for a while, leaning into Die, and then found a little man-made waterfall, taking out his tripod and setting his camera up. He set it to a self-timer and went to hug against Die's side again, kissing his jaw. "It's going to keeping taking photos every few seconds. I kind of want something candid, so just... talk to me."_

_Die chuckled softly, leaning into him and then murmuring in English, "Mmm, maybe you should tell me what you're gonna do to me once you get me back to the hotel, yeah?"_

_Kaoru growled a little, nuzzling Die's throat. "That would take the fun out of it. I want it to be a surprise. I will tell you, though, that I want to leave you sore for days."_

_"Sounds good to me," he whispered before grinning and then claiming Kaoru's mouth with his own, kissing him deeply for a moment before pulling back, flicking the camera a sort of smug look, like it was someone he wanted to see what he'd just done._

_Kaoru gave a soft sigh into the kiss, returning it gratefully. When Die pulled away, he purred again. "What do you _want_ me to do to you?"_

_His eyes flicked back to Kaoru. "You'd better eat me out like you promised... and after that, I want you to fuck me into the wall." He growled a little and then leaned in, feeling bolder. He pressed him back against a tree and murmured, "I want something naughty from you... something real naughty." But he didn't say what, still not feeling bold enough to actually say what it was exactly._

_Kaoru felt his cock twitch when Die pushed him against the tree. "Love, I'll suck your pussy dry if I have to. Tell me what you want, baby, I love your naughtiness."_

_Die let out a little moan, leaning in to lick at his earlobe for a moment before breathing out softly, "Not here." More, he still wasn't ready to say it, but he was trying at least._

_Kaoru sort of gave a little disappointed whine, pulling away and kissing the tip of Die's nose before going to pack his camera away, sliding into a cold persona as he did it, looking at Die passively once the tripod and camera were back in their case. "Walk," he said curtly, jerking his chin towards the thick patch of woods at the backside of the waterfall, intending for Die to go in first._

_Die gave him a sort of confused look. But he figured either he'd done something to piss him off or else he was 'in trouble' for not telling him about what he wanted. All the same, he just stuffed his hands into his pockets and trotted off toward the patch of woods Kaoru seemed to want him to go toward._

_Kaoru walked in behind him, shoving him forward a little. "Keep walking." He wanted to make sure no one would see or hear them._

_Die kept going, having to take his hands out of his pockets in order to move branches around and duck under things without smacking Kaoru in the face with a twig or something equally as terrible._

_Once Kaoru was satisfied they were well enough out of the way of anyone passing by, as much as could be had in the little thicket, he shoved Die up against a tree, hissing in his ear. "Don't make a fucking sound. Drop your pants and bend over."_

_Die looked honestly shocked, but immediately did as he was asked, making sure to tuck his packer safely in a pocket so it didn't end up rolling around in the dirt. He faced the tree and bent over enough that he knew Kaoru could enter him, pleasure humming through his veins already._

_Kaoru didn't enter him, though. Instead, he shoved two fingers into him and fucked him with them for a while, scissoring and stretching harshly. After a few minutes, he pulled his fingers out and pressed himself against Die, pressing the wet digits to Die's lips. "Suck."_

_Die let out a tiny cry, whimpering softly to try to mute the sounds he wanted to be making. Pushing back into the fingers that were fucking him, he bowed his head, panting softly. When Kaoru moved, showing him his wet fingers, Die pulled a tiny face, but tentatively put his mouth around his lover's fingers, cleaning them with his tongue._

_Kaoru shoved his fingers into Die's mouth until he felt they were clean, pulling away again and digging around. He pulled an unlubed condom from his bag and found Die's phone in his lover's pocket, rolling the rubber around the device, pulling the rest of it down and knotting it. He spread Die's pussy lips and pressed the rubber-cased phone into him, shoving it in as far as he could without fearing he would lose it beyond his grasp later. He then stepped away, and started to walk off. "Pull your pants up. We're going to the store."_

_Die watched Kaoru grab his phone from his pocket, blinking a little and waiting on him to do whatever he was doing, assuming it was going to be a picture or something. But when he felt something being shoved inside him, he let out a startled squawk and then blushed something awful. But all the same, he did as he was told, pulling his pants up and then putting his packer back in place and then zipping up and straightening his clothing up. Walking was a little awkward at first. He was half afraid it was going to come out and the odd sensation of something roughly rectangular inside him was something completely new._

_Kaoru waited for him at the edge of the woods and then took out his iPhone, texting Die a blank message just to make the phone inside him vibrate._

_Die gave a startled gasp when it vibrated and he blushed even darker, but kept walking all the same._

_Kaoru walked ahead of him out of the park towards the shop, occasionally texting Die, smirking and making himself not look at the other's reaction, hoping he was turned on and not mad about having no say in what was going on, really._

_Die was anything but mad. At one point, he received a text that wasn't from Kaoru, following right behind by one that was and he actually had to stop, leaning against a wall and shivering a little before he could go on._

_Kaoru smirked and waited, hearing him stop, before going into the shop, starting to look around, browsing the cock rings._

_Die finally followed him in and started at the rack of porn near the door, flipping through the sample magazines and then moving on to the DVDs, giving the shelf a shocked look when he found some stuff that never would have been sold in a shop in their city. In particular, he found a DVD with clips of people caught pissing outdoors. He couldn't really tell if it was all faked or not, not that it really mattered._

_Kaoru picked out a pack of three silicon cock rings, walking around the store a bit before coming back to Die, sneaking up behind him. "Want one of them?"_

_Die let out a startled gasp and quickly put the DVD back, looking like a kid stuck with his hand in the candy jar. He shook his head a little and sort of slunk off toward things that were a little less dangerous, feeling more ashamed than anything. Pushing his hands into his pockets, he examined a row of various shaped dildos and vibrators, trying to concentrate only on what the packages said and calm himself down._

_Kaoru picked up the DVD Die had been holding and put it on the counter for the clerk to keep for them until they checked out, dialing Die's number to let it vibrate continuously until it went to voicemail._

_Die had been holding a package with a sounding rod in it when Kaoru called him. He sucked in a breath and shakily put the package back, pressing his legs together a little in hopes it would stop vibrating soon. When it did, he whimpered a little and headed over to a rack of various lubes and condoms, examining the amusing packaging._

_Kaoru caught up with him, rubbing a hand across the small of his back. "See anything you like?"_

_Die held out a package of condoms that had hello kitty on them, snorting a little. "I insist. Too amused." He then hooked his hand through Kaoru's arm, pulling him over to the area with bondage-type supplies. "How about you?"_

_Kaoru showed Die the cock rings he'd picked out. "I kind of liked using them. Plus, it takes more to get you off. I'll need them to keep up with you." He smirked to let Die know he wasn't really complaining and reached into his pocket, texting Die again._

_Die squirmed around a little and chuckled. Licking his lips, he reached up to get a pair of cuffs off the shelf. They were lined with violet fur and made of black leather, d-rings on both and a chain linking them with clasps._

_Kaoru's eyes lit up as he admired the cuffs. "Hnn... I want!"_

_Die laughed. "I thought so." He grinned a little and then handed them over to Kaoru. "Ours now." Humming a little, he wandered off toward the random novelty stuff, streamers and straws and whatnot._

_Kaoru went to add the rest of their things to the DVD at the counter, calling Die again, biting the inside of his lip._

_Die wandered over to him, not really noticing the DVD under all the other stuff until the cashier got down to it. His face turned a slightly more vibrant shade of red and he coughed a little, not saying anything. He licked his lips and then pulled out his wallet, putting out the money to cover the purchase._

_Kaoru went and waited by the door, knowing he'd betray himself of his amusement if he stayed next to Die, calling him yet again. The walk back to the hotel was going to either make him cum in public, or hate Kaoru forever._

_Die let out a soft curse when the phone went off again. He put his head down and pressed his legs together again. Just the thrill alone was getting him really high on it. Squirming a little, he accepted his change and the bag with their purchases in it. Thanking the cashier, he headed to the door and then slipped outside, pausing again._

_Kaoru was holding back an evil grin. "Come on, we'll head back to the hotel." He started off in that direction, calling Die again, phone in his pocket, just having to tap call over and over._

_Die whined a little, stopping after a little bit and leaning against a bench, the young man sitting on it giving him an odd look. A moment later, Die lost it, letting out a pleasant sigh, a look of pure bliss on his face. Warmth spread over his underwear and over the crotch of his pants with each spasm of his orgasm, each squirt drenching him even more. Sagging against the bench, he shuddered a little, blushing. The guy sitting there looked a bit embarrassed, but didn't say anything. Righting himself, Die caught his breath and bid the guy a lovely day, heading off after Kaoru, his damp pants feeling awkward._

_Kaoru bit the hell out of the inside of his cheek, not having quite thought it through enough that Die's orgasm would be so obvious, or more, that it would look like he'd pissed himself. Then again, he wondered if Die might get off on that. He waited for Die to almost catch up and kept walking, making it back to the hotel in record time, texting Die only once more before entering the lobby and going up to their room, not even waiting for Die with the elevator, wanting to have a little bit of a head start._

_Die whined softly, padding along after him. Once he got back to the hotel, he waited on the elevator, just standing there, ignoring the looks he was getting for looking like he'd peed himself. Licking his lips a little, Die waited until he got into the elevator and then leaned against the wall, arching his eyebrows at a girl who was giving him a sort of embarrassed look._

_Kaoru scrambled to get the bed put back together and pull out some tea lights he'd bought earlier, setting them up and closing the curtains, turning the lights down low and tossing off all his clothes, getting under the covers, phone in hand._

_Before Die departed the elevator, he murmured, "It's not what you think," and winked at her. Heading down the hall to the door, he searched around for his key card, finding it and opening the door. Slipping inside, he leaned back against the door and bit his lip a little, mentally debating something. After a few moments, he cracked his eyes open and then slid his flip-flops off, coming to put his stuff on the dresser from his pockets. Snagging a towel from the bathroom, he put it on the dresser, still wondering if he had the balls to do what he wanted. Probably not, but he could at least keep himself riled up like that._

_He glanced over at Kaoru and leaned on the dresser, pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside. "Look what you made me do to my pants," he let out, a smirk on his lips._

_Kaoru pouted, watching him. "I know, I didn't think about it... I'm sorry, baby. Forgive me?"_

_"Mmm... nothing to forgive," Die murmured softly. He squirmed a little, so close to actually giving in and doing what he'd wanted, but yet miles away from it. Part of him could imagine Kaoru's horrified face and he didn't want that._

_Kaoru, thinking himself clever, sent a picture of his dick from a few months ago to Die, smirking. "C'mere, I'll help you get it back out." Die nodded, staying where he was and undoing his pants. Pushing them down, he stepped out of them and his boxers, leaving his packer in them as he wandered over to Kaoru, sliding onto the bed and presenting himself on his hands and knees so he could take the phone out._

_Kaoru pushed his fingers in and dug around inside Die, finally snagging the tied end of the condom and pulling the phone out, breaking the condom to get it out and setting it on the bedside table. He tugged Die around and smirked at him. "So what now?"_

_Die turned his head to watch him put the phone on the table and the condom in the trash. When he tugged on him to turn him around, he shifted around so that he was sitting down and facing Kaoru. "Mmm... I dunno, what did you have in mind?" he asked softly._

_Kaoru stroked Die like a pet, tilting his head. "Lots of things. But first, tell me what it was like? Cumming right in front of that guy, with people watching."_

_Die flushed a little and then gave a tiny shrug. "Exciting actually... I'd always wondered what it would be like. The look on his face was fairly priceless... and more, the look from the girl in the elevator was amusing."_

_Kaoru smiled, stroking Die's cheek, kissing him softly all over his face. "Do you want more?"_

_"Do I ever not?" he asked, smirking at Kaoru. If there was one thing that was dependable, it was that Die would want sex as long as he wasn't going cold-turkey off his hormones._

_Kaoru nibbled at his ear, chuckling. "I thought so. Go into the bag, grab the package of cock rings. I want this to last."_

_Die got back up, going to get the cock rings, coming back with the package of them and opening them, holding it out to Kaoru to choose which one he wanted._

_Pushing back the covers from his straining cock, Kaoru eyeballed which one looked to be the snuggest fit, rolling it down around his shaft and wincing a little as he got it down to the base, letting out a sigh once it was in place, though still uncomfortable. He looked at Die with dark eyes, scooting with his back against the headboard, cushioned with pillows. "Ride me."_

_Die smiled at him, watching him until he finished getting the cock ring on. Smirking a little, he slid over him, straddling his lap and then sinking down onto his cock with a soft moan. Settling all the way down, he just sat there for a moment before he started moving, riding him up and down._

_Kaoru hissed as Die slid over him, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face into the other's soft hair, kissing at his neck._

_Die let out soft little gasping moans each time he pulled up and then sank back down, more than thrilled to be where he was, riding him like this. "I love you," he whispered softly._

_Kaoru cupped Die's cheek, turning his face so that he could kiss him. Between each kiss, he breathed out a return to the sentiment in every language he knew, rocking his hips slightly in rhythm with Die, taking his time, letting Die set the pace._

_The more times Kaoru told him he loved him, the happier and happier Die became. It swelled his heart to be told it so many times and he whispered it back in the languages he knew as well, hoping it had the same effect for Kaoru._

_Kaoru nibbled at Die's lips, giggling softly and blushing at the multi-lingual proclamations of love, putting his fingers in Die's hair and hugging him tight, rolling his hips, closing his eyes and letting the light-chested feeling of adoration course through him._

_Die let out a steady stream of moans and groans, more than happy to be doing as he was. Rocking down a little harder, he started to sort of clamp down around him with his muscles, shivers running through him with each movement._

_Hiding his face in Die's shoulder, Kaoru just enjoyed the sensations, trying not to get carried away with them and just feel, trying to notice little details about Die he hadn't before, his hands running up and down his lover's back, one coming down to cup his ass for a moment._

_Die let out a quiet little moan at the way Kaoru cupped his ass, enjoying that immensely. Something about having what little of it there was cupped made him happy as hell._

_Sucking at Die's jugular, Kaoru purred, tugging on his lover's hair just a little. Though he was letting Die take the pace and get his fill for now, he certainly wasn't beyond losing patience and moving towards something a bit rougher, kinkier, if Die did not go in that direction eventually, himself._

_Die moaned softly, biting his lower lip a little, still rocking. After a few minutes, he started bouncing up and down on Kaoru's dick, wanting to be a little bit harsher in his movements, Kaoru's cock spearing into him over and over, driving him crazy._

_Kaoru leaned back, a hand wrapped in Die's hair, the other resting on his lover's thigh, watching himself disappear into the other over and over. He panted softly, his hips bucking up on their own now and again. It took a while, but Die finally started to move quickly, desperation setting in. His moans filled the air, sweat starting to sheen his body._

_Kaoru's tongue dragged across Die's shoulder, tasting his skin and sweat. The bed squeaked a bit with Die's vigorous motions, the room filled with the lulling rhythmic sounds of sex. He pressed his lips to the shell of Die's ear whispering "Cum for me, baby."_

_Die shivered a little and then moaned quietly, pushing against him a little harder, rolling his hips in the way he knew would get him off fastest. He could feel his orgasm building up, pleasure coursing through him, his nipples hardening, breathing coming faster and more gasping. With one final grind, he came, letting go._

_Kaoru splayed his fingers against Die's back, letting himself feel his lover cum, the spasm of muscle around him sending shivers up his spine. He peppered soft kissed against Die's jaw and waited for him to come down, petting his hair._

_Die leaned against him, nuzzling a little at him and then sort of relaxing down. "What next?" he asked softly._

_Kaoru tucked his chin on top of Die's head, giving a tiny shrug, still rock hard, but getting used to it. "What are you in the mood for? I want to get you off as many times as you've ever cum in one night, plus one or two."_

_Die blushed brightly, biting his lip and squirming a little. "Mmm... I really do still want you to eat me out," he murmured, looking sort of embarrassed._

_Kaoru sort of chuckled, nodding. "I told you I would." He shifted a little, patting Die's leg. "Lay down. I'm going to go get the cuffs."_

_Die shifted, flopping onto his back, his head on the pillows and arms comfortably over his head._

_Kaoru found the cuffs and took the tags off, crawling onto the bed again to put Die's wrists in the restraints, fastening it to the post on the headboard. He tested its strength and then moved southward, kissing Die's nipples with plenty of sharp tongue before settling at his pussy, giving it a long, flat-tongued lick._

_Die let out little sounds of appreciation when he licked over his nipples and then a long moan when his pussy was licked. "Baby... oh yeah," he murmured softly, hips arching up._

_Kaoru licked at him like he was trying to lick a plate clean, flicking his tongue over and around his little dick before plunging his tongue in, fucking him with it. The attention to the entire area was driving Die nuts. His hips rocked and his eyes rolled back in his head._

_Kaoru kept up the in and out motion of his tongue, swirling his tongue a little, one hand going up to tease Die's nipples while the other slowly jerked him off._

_His body filled with sensations that brought Die up to his edge rather quickly. He squirmed around, moaning and whimpering happily, not trying to tug at his bonds at all._

_Kaoru gave his best efforts, purring just to be pleasing Die, his own ass stuck up in the air as he leaned down and pressed his face more into that delicious cleft._

_"Fuck...Kaoru," Die murmured, eyelids fluttering closed as he arched into it. This was truly amazing._

_Kaoru felt smug to pull such reactions from Die, trying to keep a constant rhythm with what he was doing, wanting to get Die off again. And again, and again, and again._

_Die let out a strangled little sound, pulling slightly at his bonds just because it felt so good and the tug only added to it. "Finger fuck me a little," he whispered._

_Kaoru obliged immediately, shoving three fingers at once into Die, fucking him savagely, sucking his cock while he did it._

_Die let out a sharp cry, whimpering just after, a shudder wracking his body. He tightened a bit and then after a few moments, he was cumming again, waves of pleasure slamming through him._

_Slowing down, Kaoru laid with his head on Die's stomach, cuddling him, leaving him in his restraints and giving him some time to collect himself._

_Die whimpered a little and then settled down against the bed, catching his breath, a stupid smile on his face._

_Kaoru nuzzled and kissed at him for a while before reaching for a bottle of lube on the side table, sneaking around and getting back between Die's legs, fingering him slowly with three fingers and pouring on lube, trying to slip in a fourth. He smirked, not saying a word._

_Die took in a shaky breath and then let out a soft moan when Kaoru tried to slip in the fourth finger. He knew where this was headed and he was perfectly okay with that._

_Kaoru bit his lip and growled. "Why do I love doing this to you? But... you love it, too." He pushed the fourth finger in and started to slide most of his hand in and out, stretching Die, working with that for several minutes before trying to fold his thumb into the mix._

_Die moaned quietly, smirking a bit. "I do... I love it so much." He arched up a little more and then shivered, relaxing back so he could allow more of Kaoru's hand in._

_Kaoru slowly fucked Die with all his fingers together in a sort of football shape for a while, turning his wrist and sinking as far in as he could. Satisfied, he took his hand out and lubed it well, making a fist. "Fea's hands are massive. Maybe if we hook up with them again, you could see if he'll try and fist you." He pressed his knuckles against Die's passage and began to push in, careful, taking his time and twisting this way and that, knowing by now how to squirm his fist in._

_Die let out a deep-throated moan, nodding a little at Kaoru's suggestion. He honestly thought that an amazing idea. Everything felt different so deep inside him and he knew that especially at that level of stretching, it would especially feel different._

_Kaoru pushed his fist in up past his wrist, leaning down and suckling at his lover's little cock, beginning to twist and then start to pump his fist. "You have no idea how bad I want to watch you fuck Ainsley. If she'll let you, with your strap-on. I want to watch you fuck her in the ass." He didn't know why that had popped into his head, but the thought of them fucking the gorgeous artist in a few days kept zooming past his head, images of Ainsley eating Die out and then riding his cock making him want to burst, but the cock ring and sheer will kept him calm, fucking Die with his fist as forcefully as he felt comfortable._

_Die let out a cry and then shuddered. "She wants me to," he murmured, knowing Ainsley did want him to do such a thing, had expressed it pretty well. He spread his legs a little wider and hissed out, "Faster," at Kaoru._

_Kaoru leaned up and sucked at a nipple, moving ever so slightly faster, wondering what this felt like for Die, but certainly too apprehensive to try it, himself. There was a reason he didn't fist Die's ass, after all. He sank his fist in as deep as he could, leaning on it, twisting and then fucking him with it again._

_Die's sharp cry rang from the walls as he finally lost his ability to deal with the pleasure, his senses overloading and his orgasm slamming into him out of almost nowhere. By the time he was done, he sank back against the bed, panting, tears streaming down his cheeks from the overload, though there was an amazed look on his face._

_Kaoru watched Die, slowing down, knowing he could be hurt in the aftermath when his nerves started to reject pleasure and accept pain, carefully pulling his fist out and kissing all over any skin he could reach. "You alright, baby?"_

_Die let out a whine at the absence of Kaoru's hand in his body. Whimpering a little, he sort of collapsed back against the bed in a spineless mass, quivering a little, but managing a nod._

_Getting up, Kaoru retrieved a washcloth and cleaned them both up, curling against Die's side and kissing his shoulder, tugging at his restraints. "Do you want out of this?"_

_Die gave a little nod. "Yes, please." He felt more like curling up with Kaoru, not being restrained from doing so._

_Unlatching them, he tossed the restraints aside and gathered Die up in his arms, nuzzling his face. "This is just a break, so you know." He was, after all, still painfully hard and determined to bring Die off until he was delirious with pleasure._

_Die chuckled softly and nodded, curling up into Kaoru's embrace, resting against him. Most of him was still throbbing from the last orgasm, his body occasionally quaking in Kaoru's arms._

_Kaoru stroked him, kissing at his ear. "What are you in the mood for next?"_

_Die yawned a little and shook his head slightly. "I don't know... did you have any ideas?"_

_Kaoru sort of shrugged. "You tying me up, maybe. But nothing specific with that." He kissed along Die's neck, purring. "Nn, your skin is so amazing."_

_Die gave a little nod and then glanced around. "Is this room smoke free?"_

_Kaoru shook his head. Rolling, he grabbed a glass ashtray from his bedside table, rolling back and offering it to Die. "Want to share one?"_

_Die beamed at him and reached over to get his cigarettes and a lighter, tapping one out and then lighting it, holding in the smoke for a while and then offering the cigarette to his lover._

_Kaoru took it delicately between his fingers and sucked in a few drags, resting his head on Die's arm. He passed the cigarette back after tapping it into the ashtray, kissing Die's arm, a little puff of smoke dusting over his skin._

_Die smiled brightly at him, taking the cigarette back and taking in a few relaxing puffs. "Mmm... cigarettes in bed after sex. Could only be better with a beer."_

_Kaoru held up a finger and scrambled off the bed, going to the mini fridge, his cock bobbing as he moved. He pulled a Heineken out of the fridge and popped the top off the bottle, bringing it back to Die, snuggling up against his side._

_Die let out a cackle, taking the beer and downing a good bit of it before letting out a satisfied, "Ahh," grinning he ran his hand over Kaoru's arm. "I love you so much._

_Kaoru's cheeks turned a soft rose color and he smiled. Lying down on Die's stomach, he crossed his arms and rested his chin on them, looking up at his lover. "Standing sex next, maybe? Or on your knees? I'm trying to think of something we haven't done before, some kind of position we haven't tried..."_

_Die let out a little whimper. "Fuck me against the wall... oh god, please do."_

_Kaoru's eyes sparkled devilishly and took both beer and cigarette, pulling in a final drag before snuffing the cigarette out and downing the last swallow of beer as he got up, reaching for Die's hand. "Face-to-face or from behind?"_

_"Behind," Die breathed out, accepting the hand up, smirking a little at him._

_Nodding, Kaoru pushed Die up against the wall, pressing him to it with his own body. His cock probed between his lover's thighs and he reached down to guide it towards his hole, finding the slick, wet heat and thrusting towards it._

_Die slid his fingers over the wall, finding he was comfortable with his hands on each side, slightly above his head. He pressed his chest against the wall, pushing his butt back toward Kaoru, making it easier for the other to enter him. The moment he did, Die let out a soft moan, resting his cheek against the wall._

_Kaoru took Die's hips in his hands, fucking him fast and hard, kissing over his tattooed back. His lips made their way up to Die's ear and his hissed into it, "Fuck, I'm so hard it hurts. I wanna fuck you until you bleed."_

_Die let out a sharp whine, arching closer to him. After a few minutes, he whispered, "Put it in my ass, baby." He shivered a bit, hoping Kaoru would just sort of shove it in, knowing well that his own lubricants made for a good way to fuck like that._

_Without hesitating, Kaoru reached to steady himself and pulled out of Die's pussy and shoved into his ass, finding it harder to move there, but keeping his pace, anyway. It was torture, not being able to cum, sounds of both frustration and pleasure leaving him._

_Die let out something between a moan and a scream, shivering as he was taken. Closing his eyes, he started making those little moaning and whimpering sounds that told of his original gender quite well._

_Kaoru worked harder reaching around and started to stroke Die off. "Hnnn, Daisuke. Oh god, fuck, you're so tight, it feels amazing..." He wanted to cum so badly, but held back, resigned himself some patience and kept fucking his lover, jerking him off._

_Die's cries rose the harder Kaoru fucked him, his ass arching back toward him, pushing into it a little. "Please, fuck, I want you to cum in me!"_

_Kaoru was shaking, hardly able to stop his own hips despite the fact he knew he wouldn't really cum. At the demand, however, he managed to get himself back together, pull out, carefully roll off the cock ring, and push back into Die with a loud groan, grabbing one of his lover's hands and putting it in his hair, smashing him up against the wall and fucking him crazily._

_Die's hand tightened in Kaoru's hair and he clung to him for dear life, letting out a string of curses and whimpers. "Yeah, baby... yeah... just like this, oh _yeah_!"_

_Kaoru listened to Die turn into a porn slut, his voice sounding like any girl in a typical Japanese gang-bang, and it honestly shoved him right over the edge, his whole body convulsing and then slamming still, cock emptying his sudden and strong release into Die's body, pleasure rocketing through him, a scream leaving his lips._

_Die trembled at the feeling of Kaoru cumming inside him, his own hand coming down to masturbate himself rather vigorously. It wasn't but a few moments before he found his end as well, crying out Kaoru's name as warmth spilled down his legs._

_For a long moment, Kaoru simply sagged against Die, still inside him, his fingertips tingling. He pressed kisses against his lover's throat as he started to come back to himself, pulling away and little to give him some space, stumbling a bit. "Nn... fuck." He staggered to the bed and sat down, flopping over. "Fuuuuck."_

_Die struggled to push away from the wall, whimpering a little and then making his way to the bed, laying down on it and closing his eyes. "Fuck, indeed."_

_Kaoru found Die's hand, squeezing it. "Holy shit that was amazing... ugh, I'm gonna miss this so much."_

_Die peered over at him and then nodded a little. He supposed he was allowed to be honest about it, too. The truth was, he knew he was going to seriously have some issues with Kaoru being completely out of commission. But he didn't want to nag or complain, at all._

_Kaoru looked at Die, feeling something very close to sadness sneak into him. The surgery had come back to the forefront of his mind. The fact that in a few days, he'd have people cutting in his brain and who knew what in the hell was going to happen after that scared him. Biting the inside of his cheek, he tried to push it away, rolling and pressing his face to Die's chest._

_Die reached over to Kaoru, holding him tight against him, quiet. He cursed himself silently. Finally he had the balls to actually say what he had wanted earlier, but now was hardly the time for it. Naturally, he was behind again and it was sort of frustrating. Gently, he stroked over Kaoru's hair, trying to be comforting._

_Kaoru stayed there for a minute or two, focusing on his breathing, before pulling away, looking up at Die and managing a smile. "What next, baby? You aren't tuckered out yet, are you?"_

_Die bit his lip a little and then just shook his head a little. "Just rest for now. Maybe in a little bit." The mood wasn't really one for sex right then and he didn't want to push it._

_Kaoru gave Die a little look, feeling like he'd killed the mood, but consenting, laying his head back down on Die's shoulder and snuggling up to him._

_Die rubbed up and down his arms, kissing his head a little and smirking softly. "I love you, so much, baby."_

_Kaoru shivered pleasantly, lifting his head to peck Die's lip. "I love you, honey." He set his head back down. "I wish this was something I could capture in photos... how safe you make me feel."_

_Die smiled a little more at that. "I'm glad I make you feel that way," he murmured softly._

_Kaoru rubbed his nose on his lover's collarbone, sighing. "When I'm with you like this, my head goes quiet and I can just... breathe for a while. It used to be the opposite. I would think about all the bullshit causing me to lose you and I would panic. Then I lost you, and it shifted to how it's supposed to be; like this. Like you're all I'll ever need... like nothing is wrong right now or ever will be, just because you're holding me. Even if it's not true, even though I know it isn't true, it feels like it..."_

_Die continued to rub his hands over his lover's arms, a soft smile on his face. It was odd... things had shifted between them. But now he was the one more inclined to realize he was probably on the verge of losing Kaoru rather than feeling like it was all okay. It was like they'd traded places, but he wasn't about to say it. Giving voice to his thoughts would only make them feel more real._

_Breathing slowly, Kaoru seemed to nearly fall asleep, twisting little bits of Die's hair around his fingers. Sighing, he came back from his dozing and sat up a little bit. "Want to take a shower with me?"_

_Die peered down at him and then nodded a little. "Yeah, I'd love to, baby."_

_Going to the bathroom, Kaoru started the water while he turned to the toilet to take a piss, his short hair limp, a little grown out._

_Die sort of limped in behind him, his eyes flicking over to Kaoru for a moment before he gave in and just whispered out, "Don't... not yet."_

_Coming over to him, he reached out, running his hand down Kaoru's chest and then down to his dick, cupping his hand around the head, sort of gluing himself to Kaoru's side. "Please wait," he murmured, feeling really unsure._

_Kaoru clenched, stopping himself just before he let himself start to piss. He looked at Die out of the corner of his eye, wondering what exactly he wanted to do._

_After a few seconds, Die whimpered a little and then bit his lip, taking Kaoru's arm and tugging him off toward the shower. He stepped inside and then knelt down, gesturing Kaoru in so that Kaoru's ass would be toward the water, blocking it from Die._

_Kaoru stepped into the shower, biting his lip. "I... I dunno if I can do it." Literally, he wasn't sure if his body would let him do such a thing. "You really want me to--?"_

_Die bowed his head, at war with himself. He'd gotten the balls to actually go ahead and try to get what he wanted, but he felt like he was putting Kaoru out by asking for it. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Biting his lip a little, he got up, shaking his head a little. "No." Not if he wasn't comfortable doing it. Maybe some things were meant to be fantasy only and this fetish was one of them. "Just... for the record, I wasn't asking for it in my face." He wanted to make that perfectly clear before Kaoru got any ideas._

_Kaoru felt awful to shut Die down like that, frowning. When Die stood and gave him the little addendum, it made him sigh, jumping for it and grabbing Die roughly around the waist, tugging him close, limp dick pressed to his lover's thigh, and, feeling shameful and afraid and apprehensive, he let go, squeezing his eyes shut and wondering just what Die got out of it, hoping it was worth it._

_Die chewed on the inside of his cheek and then shivered a little when Kaoru pulled him close. The moment he felt warmth spreading over his thigh, spilling down his leg, he whimpered softly, his arms going around Kaoru's waist, his head burying against his neck. His breathing increased, little tiny gasping pants, over and over, nails digging into Kaoru's flesh as pleasure wound its way through him._

_Die's nails in his skin made Kaoru twitch, his stream faltering, then dying out. He stood there, both of them crushed to each other, confused and somehow also satisfied._

_Die let out a little whine when it stopped, still clutching Kaoru. He felt incredibly pleasured and he loved it. The only problem was, he wasn't sure Kaoru had enjoyed it at all and had only done it because he felt bad. But he closed his eyes and tried to keep that feeling of enjoyment deep inside. He wouldn't lose that to his thoughts at least._

_Kaoru started to feel awkward, like he was supposed to do something else. He put a hand in Die's hair and petted it. "Was that okay?"_

_Die nodded a little, blushing. "Yes... thank you." He kept it at that, not wanting to end up apologizing for what he'd wanted._

_Kaoru ghosted a hand down Die's back. "You're welcome." With that, he pulled gently away and started to wash, soaping up and then moving for Die to get under the water._

_Die backed up a little and then moved around him, coming to get under the water, getting the other soap bar. A little bit ashamed, he pressed his legs together and let go, relief flooding through him. He'd been holding it back since the incident with his cell phone and the boy on the bench. Swallowing, he started to scrub at his top half, hoping to draw attention away from what he was doing._

_The smell signaled Kaoru, but he did a good job covering up any reaction, just washing off and starting to lather shampoo into his hair._

_Once Die was done, he washed off and then soaped up his bottom half, washing really well. Then he moved on to his hair, getting done with it rather quickly. Stepping out, he toweled off and then went to tug on his robe and grabbed his cigarettes and lighter, stepping outside despite it being a smoking room. He just needed a minute to clear his head and this was the best way he knew how._

_Kaoru took his time with the shower, willing away his headache and the woozy feeling he got for a second. He wouldn't tell Die. He was so used to such things he hardly even took note of them. Once clean, his skin scrubbed a fresh pink, he got out and wrapped up, going into the bedroom to find pajamas and curl up in bed, getting comfortable in all the soft sheets._

_Die took his time and three cigarettes later, he finally returned inside. He swiped another beer from the fridge and came to sit on the edge of the bed. It took him a few minutes and then he finally spoke up, his voice low, facing away from him. "I don't like to ask because I know it sort of... grosses you out." He wet his lips a little. "I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry." He sighed softly._

_Kaoru looked at him, nothing but a head sticking out of the white covers. "You don't have to apologize. I mean, I don't understand it, and it is a little gross to me, but if I really didn't want to do it, I wouldn't. I think I'll get used to it, enough that I can do it for you every once in a while."_

_Die let out a little sigh and then nodded before opening the beer and taking a swig. "I can't really explain... I've tried, but it doesn't come across the way it should." He gave a feeble little shrug. "It gives me the same pleasure sex does... and it's exciting because it's so... wrong."_

_Kaoru sort of shrugged. He still didn't really get it, but he wouldn't knock it. He lifted the covers and tilted his head. "Cuddle with me?"_

_Die tilted the bottle against his lips, draining the rest of the beer in one go. Tossing the bottle in the trash, he moved to curl up in the bed, pushing off his robe before he cuddled up to Kaoru's side, his head on his lover's chest, listening to his heartbeat._

_Kaoru played with Die's hair, snagging his book from the nightstand to read for a while until they either fell asleep or decided to give it another go with sex. He kissed the top of Die's head, holding his book open with his thumb. "So, do you think you could live here?"_

_Die tilted his head a little. "I dunno... I think... if I brought things with me, then maybe."_

_Kaoru raised a brow. "What do you mean brought things with you? I mean, of course we'd have our stuff. It's just a suggestion... when we start a family, I'd really like to come home to do it. But I know this isn't home for you."_

_"I mean things to remind me of home... to sort of feel like I'm still there sometimes. Does that make sense?"_

_Kaoru nodded, kissing Die's hair again. "Of course, baby." He sighed and pulled Die closer, getting more comfortable. "I love you more than anything."_

_Die smiled, moving even closer to Kaoru, certain he couldn't get any closer without being _in_ Kaoru's skin. "I love you, too... so very much."_

_Kaoru's fingers in Die's hair slowed, his breathing evening out. He was simply relaxing for nearly half an hour before he drifted into sleep, his grasp on Die sure and loving._

_Die felt it when Kaoru slid off into sleep and he tugged the covers up tighter around them, keeping right on using his lover as a pillow. This... this was where he wished he could be forever._

_**To Be Continued…** _


	61. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, wraithrhionann, Mohini

The plane ride from Japan had been relatively uneventful. Somehow they'd been upgraded from economy to first class and Die had decided to just blame Kyo somehow. He had no proof, but they were just told at the ticket counter that they had been upgraded. Because of that, they had both pretty much gotten drunk and passed out for the vast majority of the plane ride, making it easier on both of them. By some miracle, even all their baggage had arrived safely and in one piece. A sort of surprise had come for them when they got off the plane and turned on their phones, finding a text from Kaoru's parents telling them they had Makoto and were waiting for them by Kaoru's car.

Excited, Die had almost dragged Kaoru through the airport and out to the car. His bags were left by Kaoru and immediately Die was on his knees, petting and loving on Makoto while the slightly-grown pup licked his face over and over.

"Thank you so much for bringing him! I've missed him!" Die's excited voice wasn't missed by anyone in the area, drawing a few odd looks from passerby.

Miyuki gripped Tadashi's arm, laughing. The older man smiled. "We thought it would be easier than you driving back to our house and then home." 

Kaoru rolled his eyes with a smile and hugged them both, still kind of drowsy. 

Die picked up the pup, taking him off to put in the back seat of the car. Once that was done, he loaded in the luggage and then turned to them, opening his arms to see who would hug him, suspecting Tadashi. "Want to go for dinner?"

Miyuki surprised everyone by immediately going and wrapping her arms around Die, only coming up to his chest, squeezing him around the waist. "I was going to ask the same thing. It's on us. What are you in the mood for? American food now that you're back? There's an Applebee's near here."

Die let out a soft gasp, hugging her back with a wide grin on his face. "Oh yeah, Applebee's sounds delicious right about now."

Kaoru watched his mother with Die, stunned and touched. He sort of smirked and Tadashi went over to take her place, hugging Die, whispering in his ear, "Did you find the shop?"

Once Die was hugging Tadashi, he murmured back, "Mmmhmm," in response to the question, still grinning stupidly.

Kaoru put his arm around Die and kissed his cheek when Tadashi moved away. "I guess we'll follow you guys there?"

Miyuki nodded, going around and climbing into the driver's seat of her Forester, Kaoru going to get into the Honda. Makoto had his front paws on the console, tongue lolled out.

Die laughed when he got in and the dog was already in the front rather than the back. "Silly, Mako," he murmured, buckling up and then tugging the dog into his lap and petting him.

Miyuki backed out first, Kaoru following her out of the garage and then away from the airport, going over the interstate to the restaurant. Kaoru reached across and petted Makoto, too, scratching his ears. "Did you text Kyo to let him know we got home okay?"

"Oh, no, not yet." Die pulled out his phone, letting Kaoru's hand occupy the dog for the time being. He quickly messaged Kyo. _Arrived home. Makoto's in my lap and we're headed to Applebee's... good to be home. Miss you already though!_ He sent it and then went right back to roughing up Makoto's fur, chuckling.

Kaoru parked next to his parents, making sure they were in front of a window of a table that was unoccupied, intending to ask for it so he could keep an eye on Mako while they ate.

Die took the dog out at first and made sure he piddled in the rocks off to the side of the restaurant. Once he'd done that, he put him on his leash and tied him to the newspaper box in front of the restaurant, going back to the car to grab the bag with the candy he'd promised Tadashi from the trunk. Carrying it happily, he went inside, finding the table they were already seated at and giving the bag to Tadashi.

Tadashi smiled brightly at him and put his arm around Miyuki. "Here's a round-about gift from Die, from me to you."

Kaoru set a hand on Die's knee and watched his mother give her husband a suspicious look, then open the bag, her dark eyes widening. "But!" She reached in and took out one of the bags, seeming both touched and disbelieving. "I haven't had these in years! How did you know?" She was looking at Die, now. "How did you find them?"

Die released a small laugh. "Well... he told me where to go. But as for finding the shop, it was pure luck and completely when I was not expecting to have found it." He shrugged faintly and then bit his lip, blushing slightly.

Miyuki sort of smirked, putting the bag beside her with her purse, kissing Tadashi and giving an almost bashful look at Die. "Thank you."

"No problem at all." Die opened his menu and started scanning through things, looking hopeful. He ended up staring at the steak and just decided that was what he'd do.

Kaoru rested his head on Die's shoulder, looking at his menu and ignoring his own. "What are you getting, pumpkin? I was thinking about the shrimp pasta."

"I’m having the steak and fries." Die let out a soft laugh. "And I'm having dessert, period."

Miyuki looked at them over her menu. "Do you want to get spinach dip as an appetizer?"

Kaoru hummed. "Mm, yes please!"

"Oh god yes... I love that stuff." Die licked his lips, quickly deciding on good old Dr. Pepper for his drink.

A waitress came by and took their orders, Miyuki insisting she put everything on one check. Kaoru sort of blushed and thanked her, looking to see Makoto lying on the sidewalk, fast asleep in the gentle breeze. 

Tadashi cleared his throat once the waitress was gone, looking at his son and Die. "I was thinking, I wanted to give you both something to show you that I'm very excited about," he looked at his wife, " _we_ are very excited that you've decided to get married. I know you're waiting, and I hope this doesn't seem like it isn't tasteful, but," he reached into his pocket, producing a ring box and opening it, revealing two antique bands with both white and rose gold. "These were the rings my first wife and I wore. I hope it's not bad luck to pass them on, but my Aunt gave them to me when we got married and I wanted to pass them down, too." He pushed the box across the table, Kaoru looking like he couldn't breathe he was so shocked. "Die, I thought that, given your... previous condition, her ring would hopefully fit you. She was tall like you."

Die's eyes widened when the ring box was produced and opened. The bands were very pretty and he had to say he actually liked them quite a bit. He reached out, taking the box and examining them, smiling softly. "Thank you," he breathed out. "It means a lot to me that you'd want us to have them." It meant he was truly accepted. Just the thought alone brought tears to his eyes and he held the side of his hand against his lips, trying to regulate his breathing and not end up crying in the restaurant.

Kaoru looked at his father with astonished joy on his face, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. "Tou-san... thank you so much."

Die bit his lip and used his napkin to dab at his eyes as discreetly as possible.

Tadashi blushed softly, giving a small nod. "Try them on? If they don't fit, I'll pay to have them resized."

Die slipped the slightly slimmer band out of the box, picking up the salt shaker and tapping some over it, letting it fall to his left. It would do to sort of cleanse it in a pinch, he supposed. They'd do a better job later. He pushed the salt over to Kaoru and then pushed the ring on his finger, finding it actually fit almost perfectly.

Kaoru watched what Die was doing, catching on. Miyuki hardly blinked at it, watching Kaoru tap salt out over his ring and put it on; it was slightly snug, but he found he liked it that way. His father had unusually thin fingers. He put his hand next to Die's and felt something come over him, his head feeling light and his heart racing. He gripped Die's arm and hugged against his side, not quite sure what the sudden rush was; panic? Joy? Both? "Oh my god..." he breathed out, looking at the ring that would be the symbol of his life with Die.

A smile spread across Die's lips and he clasped Kaoru's hand in his own tightly. "Mine fits well. Yours?"

Kaoru nodded, biting his lip. "Perfect."

Die lifted his lover's hand, kissing it gently before he removed the ring from his own finger and then put it back in the box. "They're beautiful and with a bit more cleansing, I think they will be completely free of anything they may currently be carrying, good, bad, or otherwise." He smiled softly.

Kaoru nodded, taking his off as well and putting it in the box with Die's, closing it. Their drinks came back and Kaoru sipped at his water with lime, seeming giddy.

Die picked up the box, tucking it in his pants pocket, not wanting to lose it or forget it. He patted it lightly and then took his drink, gulping down some of the Dr. Pepper and then letting out a pleased sigh.

The appetizer came soon after and Miyuki grabbed for a chip, spreading some dip onto it. "So have you talked at all yet about what kind of wedding you want to do?"

Kaoru shook his head. "No, not really. I have some ideas, but... we've still got a lot of time."

Die shook his head, doing the same with a chip of his own and then crunching into it. Swallowing, he murmured, "I have no idea what to do honestly. I've been sort of avoiding thinking about it because I know I'll get all stressed out and thinking like I have to get it done immediately."

Miyuki seemed to laugh. "Don't stress! It's supposed to be _happy_. Take your time and think on it. Make sure whatever you decide is something special. You don't want to wait until the last minute and have it fall short, or fall apart."

Die took another chip. "Yeah, well... but planning some kind of large event will always be like that."

"Large?" Kaoru let out before he could stop himself. In meaning, yes, but he couldn't imagine them having a large wedding. He shut up, though, wondering if that was what Die had meant and curious how.

Die flushed and ducked his head, just shrugging. To him, anything that ranged above three people was large, but he didn't really want to say that right then.

Kaoru chuckled slightly, squeezing Die's knee, nibbling on a chip. Tadashi leaned on his elbows. "So how was the trip?"

Die took another drink of soda and then smiled. "It was actually really nice. I had a good time."

Tadashi smiled. "Good. Did anything interesting happen? See anything good?"

"Went to Kyo's show and it was amazing. Also went to a temple and really enjoyed that."

Miyuki sort of nodded along, piling dip onto another chip. "Did it feel like home? Or was it foreign? Sometimes going back now for me can feel like I don't belong there, especially in the bigger cities."

"I felt sort of out of place, but no more so than I do here on a daily basis."

Miyuki tilted her head. "Do you really feel that way? You look like a boy. I never would have suspected. I don't understand why you would feel so out of place?"

Die let out a soft laugh and shook his head. "It’s for completely different reasons than here. Apparently even though I've been studying my Japanese, it's still obvious isn't not my first language. And I don't know the cultural nuances either."

Kaoru frowned, putting his arm around Die's waist and scooting closer. Miyuki sort of shrugged. Die hadn't answered her question, really, she'd meant why he would feel out of place here, but she didn't press. Tadashi sipped his sweet tea, looking around the restaurant. "How was the weather?"

Kaoru sort of chuckled. His parents tried, but sometimes conversation wasn't their strongest point. "Nice. It rained somewhat while we were in Kyoto, but it was pretty clear most of the week."

Die flushed, but crossed one leg over the other, quietly eating another chip, loving the dip. He nodded along with Kaoru's assessment of the weather.

Kaoru put his chin on Die's shoulder, resting there. "Hiroko said to tell you hello." 

His parents smiled. Miyuki put her chin in her hand. "It's hard to think she's growing up. She’s sixteen now?" 

Kaoru nodded.

"She'll always been a baby in my mind. Does she favor my sister?" 

Kaoru gave another nod. 

"Good."

Die continued to sit quietly for quite a while, letting Miyuki and Kaoru talk. After a few minutes, he murmured to Tadashi, "Any more good fishing after I left?"

Tadashi shrugged. "I haven't really fished much. Cast for a while the other night off the dock, but your little bastard," he pointed affectionate out the window towards Makoto, "kept diving off into the water and scaring off the fish."

Miyuki laughed softly behind her hand. "He's like a paddle boat!"

Die laughed. "Oh man... he learned to like the water, huh? I guess that sounds about right. Or maybe he just loves the fish like his daddy."

Miyuki was laughing, putting a hand to her chest. "I was so scared he was going to drown! I went to read on the dock and he just took off and jumped! Paws stretched out, ears swept back. But then he just started swimming, making little circles, harassing the geese. He's a good dog." 

Kaoru smiled and leaned more into Die, giving him a hug.

Die laughed. "Dogs are sort of sink or swim I've been told. Apparently ours swims." He picked up another chip and crunched into it, making a humming sound.

Tadashi smirked. "Like a fish!"

Kaoru took his arm from around Die and hooked it through his lover's own, instead. "Maybe we should get him a kiddie pool for his pen."

"Maybe one of those hard plastic pools. He might enjoy that in the summer. "He shifted closer and leaned over to gently peck Kaoru's cheek.

Kaoru scrunched up his face, biting his lip cutely at the kiss, wiping it off again when he realized his mother was watching rather intensely. "Was, um, was he well-behaved?"

Miyuki scoffed. "God no. He's got way too much energy still. But, he did get better towards the end of the week. And he's a very sweet dog."

Die pulled a face. "Hopefully he did not eat anything he wasn't supposed to. He does that sometimes." Like his packer.

Tadashi shrugged. "Only a slipper, nothing irreplaceable or expensive. And he learned quickly not to nose around with things."

Die winced. "Better than what he chewed up of mine. He's only chewed things three times, but he has a nasty habit of what it is that he ends up chewing."

Miyuki sort of frowned, grabbing for another chip. "I guess we got lucky."

"Yeah... what he chewed up of mine cost me another ninety dollars to replace."

Miyuki's brows drew together. "What did he eat?"

Kaoru's jaw clenched and he squeezed Die's arm, his brain a litany of _Lie, baby, lie! Lie for all you're worth!_

Die made a soft, "Uh," sound before he muttered, "something that meant a lot to me," and then promptly gulped down some soda.

Kaoru held back the sigh of relief and Miyuki gave them both an odd look before letting it pass. Tadashi had become enthralled with the football game on over the bar. Shifting quickly, Kaoru perked up and asked "How is Sachiko doing?"

Tadashi turned back to them. "Well. Complaining, of course, they sentenced her to bed rest two days ago, but she's doing alright."

Die gave a tiny chuckle at Kaoru shifting the topic so greatly. He licked his lips and took another sip of his soda.

When their food came out, Miyuki looked starved, diving into the chicken salad, Tadashi calmly cutting his steak. Kaoru nudged her under the table. "Mom? Are you feeling okay?"

She looked up, blinking at him. "Mm? Oh. Yes, I'm fine. I missed breakfast."

Die sort of blinked at them and then cut into his steak, finding it was just right. Pouring some A1 over it, he cut it the rest of the way up and then took a bite with a satisfied sound.

Kaoru let it slide, sensing something off, but not probing further. Tadashi took his first bite and purred, taking the A1 once Die was done with it. "So how has your job search been going, Die-san?"

"It hasn't really been going lately actually. I figured to start again now that I'm home."

Kaoru saw Miyuki almost make a snide remark but stopped herself, thanking whatever god was listening that she'd thought better of it. She had a habit of being sharp, oftentimes, and he could see that even his father was trying not to say anything discouraging about Die not having a job yet, simply humming and going back to his plate.

Die ducked his head and followed it up with, "Kyo said he has another job making an album cover for me." He sheepishly continued eating his steak and fries, feeling a tad bit uncomfortable now. No one had said anything, but he could feel the air surrounding them.

Kaoru popped a shrimp into his mouth, his arm pressed to Die's. "You mentioned maybe tending bar, I think that would be a good job for you. Something steady in between the art gigs. Get you out around people more often."

Die nodded. "Yeah, I have to get my license. There's a class every week and exams every day." He shrugged and then stuck a fry in his mouth.

Kaoru smiled. "You should try it. I mean, if you don't like it, it's always something else to put on a resume, right?"

Die nodded. "I think that would be a good course of action."

Kaoru smiled again, spearing a shrimp on his fork and putting it on Die's plate to try. "Hey pumpkin, I've been meaning to ask you, will you make lasagna again? It was really good."

Die gave him a surprised look, then smiled and nodded. "Sure. I'd love to." After all, he enjoyed making food, especially elaborate things for Kaoru.

Miyuki put down her fork for a moment and patted the corners of her mouth with a napkin. "I've been wanting to get better at making Western food. Maybe the next time you come up, you can help me?"

He tilted his head at her and then smiled, nodding. "Of course, how about we exchange lessons?" He grinned.

Miyuki actually smiled warmly at him, nodding. "Of course, I have to shape you into a good Japanese wife for my son, don't I?" Her dark eyes flashed, her tone letting Die know she was trying to share a joke, not be malicious.

Die let out a laugh and had to hold back a comment about Kaoru being the wife. He just sort of snorted to himself and then bit his lip.

Kaoru sort of shook his head, smirking, knowing full well, too, that if anyone was the wife, it was him. His heart swelled to know Die and his mother were actually getting along somewhat, feeling like their future as a loving family, all of them together, was slowly gluing itself together. He hoped, prayed, begged, that he would make it through whatever trials to see it.

Die slid a fry through ketchup and then offered it to Kaoru, holding it in front of his lips with a hopeful look, having missed feeding his lover random food from his plate.

Kaoru lifted a brow, but opened his mouth and leaned forward, taking the fry from him. It was actually really good and he made a small sound, leaning into Die's side briefly as a wordless thank you.

Die grinned, licking some ketchup off his fingers and then going back to eating his steak. He hummed softly to himself, popping another piece of steak in his mouth and smiled.

Tadashi got sucked back into watching the football game as he ate, Miyuki falling silent, seeming preoccupied. After several quiet minutes of eating, she cleared her throat, looking across the table at them. "Are you still thinking about having children?"

Kaoru seemed taken off-guard, stammering for a moment, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Ah, yes. Yes. It's still a ways off, after we get married, but yes, we know we definitely want children."

Die nodded along with him. "We are. I really do want a kid... like... really, really." It was something almost always on his mind and he couldn't help it.

"They would be lovely." Tadashi snapped back from the football game to catch up with the conversation, nodding to agree with his wife. "I want as many grandbabies as you're willing to give me!"

Die laughed softly. "I don't think we could handle more than two. Handfuls."

Kaoru snickered. "If we get lucky, we'll have twins, a boy and girl, and be done all in one shot." He smirked, kissing Die's shoulder. "It's going to expensive and hard enough to get one pregnancy done. It would be nice to land both kids in one go."

Die laughed. "Yeah, true, I suppose it would be. But a full plate at once." He stabbed his last bite of steak and triumphantly put it in his mouth.

Kaoru’s smile was soft, almost dreamy. "I think it would be fun..." 

Tadashi laughed at both of them. "Oh, simple youth."

Miyuki slapped him in the arm. "Children _are_ fun. Stressful and infuriating and demons, but lots and lots of fun."

Die chuckled. "Yes on both counts." He downed the rest of his soda and asked a passing waitress for another one.

Kaoru nibbled at the inside of his lip, finding the whole conversation both anxiety-inducing and pleasant. He rubbed Die's knee affectionately under the table, finishing up his pasta, sipping water. 

Once Die was done with his fries and half of his new soda, he leaned over to Kaoru and sweetly asked, "Can we get that caramel apple thing?"

Kaoru lifted his hand nearest Die and cupped his lover's opposite cheek, pulling him in to kiss the corner of his mouth. "Sure, baby."

Die grinned. "Extra ice cream and we can all share it since it's big." He looked over at Kaoru's parents, hoping that would work okay for them.

Tadashi gave a nod, waving over their server and ordering just that, their plates getting cleared.

"I really do adore having a family that cares about me," Die murmured, hoping it was okay to say it.

Tadashi blushed and Miyuki pretended not to have heard, their way of accepting the statement. Kaoru smiled and squeezed Die's knee again.

It wasn't long before their dessert was served and Die dug right in on his side. He moaned around it, loving the taste of it. It was such a lovely taste.

Kaoru watched him, smirking, picking at the dessert and ignoring the ice cream, which his father was most drawn towards. It was funny, watching the two personalities, Die and Tadashi, and Kaoru and his mother, the things that could be told about them just by how they ate the dessert.

Die continued eating from his side, digging into both the apple dessert and then ice cream, smirking happily. "This is always so amazing."

Kaoru hummed in agreement, eating a few bites of the apple dessert before putting his spoon down and finishing off his water. He looked over at his mother, who took the check when it was brought and paid in cash. "Thank you." She smiled at him easily, reaching to pat his hand.

"Thank you," Die murmured when the bill came and was paid for. He licked his lips and finished off what was left and then settled back, rubbing his slightly distended stomach.

Kaoru watched him, chuckling and rubbing Die's food baby. "What should we name it?" he teased lightly, kissing Die's cheek before resting back against the booth.

Die let out a soft laugh. "Mmm... We should call it Bee, after where it came from." The grin he had on his face was adorable.

The three of them laughed, Tadashi sliding out of the booth and offering Miyuki a hand, tucking it around her waist when she was standing.

Die got up, smiling at Kaoru and offering him a hand up as well. His eyes were bright and he felt amazing right then.

Kaoru took his hand and stood, holding onto it still as he followed his parents out into the parking lot again. Tadashi grabbed both of them in a hug. "I'm glad you got back safe. Go home and get some rest, huh?"

Kaoru nodded, hugging him tightly before Miyuki took his pace, squeezing herself between them with an arm around each waist. "Bye, boys. One of you had better text me or something when you get home so I don't worry. I'm good at that." 

Again, Kaoru nodded, kissing her cheek. Die beamed at the hugs from both of them, hugging them back and enjoying himself fully. It really was so nice having family that cared. "Thank you again," he murmured softly before he went and retrieved Makoto, placing the dog onto his lap, petting him and playing with his ears.

Kaoru waved as his parents backed out of the space and drove off, doing the same, getting back on the interstate to head towards their house. "Mmm, I can't wait to get home and be in our bed again... I think I'm just gonna sleep today, try to get my body's clock back in the right time zone."

Die let out a yawn and nodded. "Yeah, agreed. After I do a few things, I'll crash with you." He intended to try to sign up for the next bar tending class if at all possible.

Kaoru nodded, reaching over to pet Mako and then rest his hand on Die's thigh. "So is it tomorrow that Ainsley's coming over? I get my days all mixed up when I come back from Japan, takes me a while to get my brain sorted."

"Um... yeah, I think so." He paused in his petting of Makoto.

Kaoru shivered. "Hnn... of course, the day after, I go in to prep for surgery and the biopsy the next morning." He sighed, petting Die's leg. "I'm trying really hard not to worry. This thing with Ainsley is honestly something to keep me distracted. Thank you... for being okay with it and everything, I mean."

Die just nodded at him and reached to hold his hand tightly. "It's nothing, baby. I just hope everything goes well is all."

Kaoru's grip on Die's hand was much tighter than he realized, his thumb stroking. "It will be... it has to be. I'm supposed to spend forever with you, remember?"

Die's hand stilled on Makoto's fur, just behind his ears. Biting his lip, he squeezed with his other hand, an equal pressure to Kaoru's own. "I agree. It better be."

Kaoru got off the interstate and stopped at light, ready to turn towards their neighborhood. "Give me a kiss?"

Die leaned over, pecking him gently on the cheek. "Bigger kiss later," he promised softly.

Kaoru sort of rolled his eyes with a smile, navigating to their neighborhood and down their street, around the house to the alley and up at the back porch. He gave a happy sigh. "Finally home again."

"Thank god," Die murmured out. Not that he'd disliked being away, but home was always something more than welcome after a trip. He quickly got out, making sure to hang onto Mako's leash, traipsing around to get his bags and then heading down the path.

Kaoru got the rest of the luggage and locked up the car, glad they'd been forced to pack light, and opened the door, kicking off his shoes and taking a deep breath of their home, feeling calmed just by the very smell. He sighed it back out, he took his luggage into the bedroom and set it in a corner, immediately stripping down and crawling into bed. "Ugh. Feels _amazing_! It's so good to be home again... our house, our bed."

Die let Mako do his business in the yard and then let him inside after ditching his luggage and taking off his shoes. Making his way to the bedroom, he came over toward the bed and smiled at Kaoru, leaning in and kissing him lightly. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting the plane grime off me, pronto. Want to join me?"

Kaoru whined, reaching at Die. "I'm lazy. Carry me?" He put on his sweetest smile. 

Die snorted and then stripped off; making sure his packer was up on the top of the dresser before he scooped up his lover and headed off toward the bathroom.

A moment later, he put Kaoru down just outside the shower, turning on the water to warm it up, and then went back to grab some of their shower items they needed.

Once Kaoru was lifted, he gave Die no choice but to kiss him, cupping his lover's face and stealing a kiss. When he was set down, he started the water while Die grabbed their toiletries.

Die came back in and dumped their toiletry bags on the counter, happily snatching up his favorite body wash and Kaoru's shampoo before he slipped into the shower and grabbed his loofah with a small gleeful sound.

Kaoru stepped under with him, letting the warmth of the water soothe him. "Are you going to nap with me after this? Or do you still have stuff to do?"

"Going to set up a time for that bartending class and return a few emails and then I'll lay down with you and nap." Die smiled softly, rubbing at him slightly.  
.  
Kaoru nodded, getting up on his toes and giving Die a kiss, scrubbing himself down quickly and rinsing off, ready to just go to sleep. He stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, leaning back in past the glass door for another kiss. "Love you."

"I love you, too." Die smiled softly and finished washing up as well. Once he was done, he quietly got out and dried off. With that done, he shaved the little bit of stubble over his upper lip and then applied some aftershave. Leaving the bathroom, he went to get his new robe and pulled it on, smiling to himself as he took his backpack from the living room into the office and hooked up his laptop there.

Navigating to the page for signups, Die put himself on the roster for the class the following week. He hoped it would be far enough past getting Kaoru back to the house that he'd be okay for the day while he went to the class. Worst case, he'd call someone to stay with him.

Kaoru went and put some pajamas on, curling up in bed with a happy sigh. Makoto jumped up with him and Kaoru grabbed him, snuggling him like he was a stuffed and not a live animal, curling up around the dog and using him as a heater, quickly finding sleep again.

Die checked his emails and then went to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of Jack. Once he was done with it, he padded into the bedroom and curled up around his lover and the pup, smiling to himself. Somewhere in his sleep, Kaoru pulled Die closer to him, getting comfortable with his lover pressed against him, peaceful and safe.

**To Be Continued…**


	62. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan, Mohini, Nameless14

The next day, they woke refreshed, their bodies reset to their own time zone again. Kaoru walked around the block with Makoto, letting him sniff around and do his business. Coming back he organized all his materials from Japan so they would be easier to process when he was ready after the surgery to begin working on his piece.

Around noon, they began cooking, having a nice lunch together. Kaoru made garlic bread and a salad while Die made his amazing lasagna. Kaoru savored the food, the simple joy of having a meal together that they had made making him feel incredibly content. He was washing up the dishes when Die's phone buzzed with a message from Ainsley. _I'm getting ready now. I need you to play along with me when I get there, so I need to know if you have any last minute requests, either for or against things. I'll be over in about an hour, just give me your address._

Die stopped washing the dishes, wiping his hands and then checking his phone. He texted back their address and then opened a second message. _I think my kinks are... too far out there. But I'm good with playing along._ He sent it and then moved to get both him and Kaoru each  
a glass of wine, finishing off the bottle from lunch.

Kaoru put the last dish in the strainer and took the glass with a soft thank you, smiling and leaning to kiss Die's cheek. "She's coming over now?" He picked up the little package Die had gone to get while he walked Makoto, "CockStar" across the front. "I guess I'm supposed to take one of these now?"

He nodded. "Yep, you should take them now." He settled down on one of the stools and crossed one leg over the other. He motioned Kaoru over with one finger and then gently took hold of his hair, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss against his lips.

Kaoru moaned, kissing Die back, a hand sliding around his waist and holding onto him for a long moment before pulling away with a smirk. "I'm gonna go jump in the shower, then." He pecked Die's lips again and then went into the bathroom with the pills and his glass of wine, closing the door behind him. He popped the two blue capsules in his mouth before getting into the shower, and cleaning himself up thoroughly.

Die just nodded, watching him go, sort of a sad look on his face. He'd wanted to make out with him until she arrived. But he figured it was more important for him to be clean. Finishing his wine, he rinsed the glass and put it in the drain board. Getting up, he went to the living room and settled on the couch instead.

Kaoru came back out nearly half an hour later with his hair done, wearing some cologne, and a towel around his waist. He looked at Die, hip jutting out. "Should I even bother getting dressed?"

Die let out a laugh. "Mmm... I dunno. Maybe just a robe?" He had no idea what Ainsley wanted and he didn't presume to figure it out on his own, either.

Kaoru nodded, already hard. He went to get his black silk robe and put it on, coming back and climbing into Die's lap, kissing his jaw. "Nnnn... fuck, I'm so excited. I've been fantasizing about this since we first met her."

Die bit his lip, reaching down to play with Kaoru's dick. It was impossible not to. After seeing him all nice and hard, all he wanted to do was touch him. There was still some level of fascination with it all for him.

Kaoru hips angled themselves towards Die's touch, his lips finding Die's neck and kissing it, going slow, bathing the skin with his tongue. "I love the taste of your skin, baby... it turns me on so fucking much."

Die gave a pleasant little shiver and then stopped playing with him, instead just patting his sides a little. He was sure the pills helped, but he didn't want to be an ass and say it, so he didn't.

Kaoru kept kissing Die while sitting in his lap. Kaoru ran his hands through Die's hair and down his neck, over his arms, just tasting him and enjoying his skin and his mouth, playing gently at his tongue. After about ten minutes, Ainsley texted Die again. _I'm a few minutes out. Cuff him or tie him up, whichever, somewhere where he can sit and watch us first. Do it now before I show up._

Die pulled out his phone, glanced at the text and then smirked, pushing Kaoru up. He got up and went to get the cuffs and his office chair. Coming back with both, he pointed at the seat. "Sit."

Kaoru felt a shiver run through him and he got up, heading over to the chair and sitting down. He put his hands together at his back, giving Die lustful, hungry eyes.

Die took one cuff and put it around Kaoru's wrist, then attached it to the arm of the chair. He did the same with the other, leaving him comfortable enough to sit there and lean back, but unable to move his arms more than an inch from the edge of the chair. He pecked him on the nose and then went to sit on the couch with a little smirk.

Kaoru sat there, rolling himself back and forth slightly, just staring at Die. A few minutes later, Makoto barked from outside and the sound of a car pulling up in front of the house on the street was heard. A knock came on the door and Kaoru bit his lip, looking at the door expectantly, feeling like more blood was rushing to his cock just thinking that she was on the other side of that door.

Die sat there for a moment, giving Kaoru a look as if he wanted him to answer it. But then he stood up, chuckling and going off toward the door, pulling it open and letting Ainsley in.

Ainsley slid in through the door, smiling at Die. She was wearing knee-high stiletto boots with silver chains around the ankles and a khaki coat dress, her caramel hair wavy and soft, loose around her shoulders, wearing simple makeup. She was carrying a large purse and set it in the chair by the door, letting Die close it before she flicked a look at Kaoru and then grabbed Die, cupping his face and pressing him back against the door, kissing him, hard.

Die barely got the door shut and locked before he was pressed back against it. He gasped and shivered a little before he kissed her back, his hands going down to her hips, sliding along the coat dress.

Ainsley put her long-nailed hands in Die's hair, grinding against him and being loud about it. She kept kissing him until she was sure Kaoru would start to feel like he'd been forgotten, grinding her knee in between Die's legs, feeling his packer.

Unable to help it, Die started letting out little groans and whimpers. By the time she finally stopped kissing him he was panting and already getting wet, turned on by the abruptness of it all.

Ainsley smirked, patting Die's cheek. "Hey gorgeous." She pulled away and walked into the parlor, standing a few feet in front of Kaoru. "Hey, slut. This is only happening because you want to fuck a real woman, so I'm doing you a favor. Which means you play by my rules. Got it?"

Kaoru bit his lip, nodding. Ainsley sort of laughed, pulling at the tie on her dress. "Good." It slipped open from her shoulders, revealing her slender body in sexy lace lingerie. She wore a bra and panties set in violet and gold with a violet thong under the lacy underwear. She tossed her dress onto the couch, putting a hand on her hip. "You like?" Kaoru seemed to drool, taking her in with his eyes, nodding. "You'd better."

Die tried to reorient himself, shaking his head a little and then wandering off after her. He flicked his gaze between Kaoru and Ainsley and then chose to settle on the couch, not entirely sure what he was going to do.

Ainsley walked over to Kaoru and put one boot-clad foot up on the back of the chair. Kaoru leaned his head against the inside of her ankle. She tisked at him for a moment, shaking her head, and then smiled and sank down onto her knees, pushing the robe aside and looking at his cock. "Do you have a cock ring?" 

Kaoru nodded. "Baby, will you get it? I put it in the top drawer of my side table."

Die got up again, going to the bedroom and getting the cock ring. Coming back with it, he handed it over to Ainsley and then sort of hovered there awkwardly. Somehow he couldn't figure out what exactly he was supposed to be doing.

Ainsley took it from him with a little wink. "Get a good seat. I'm just gonna tease him a little and then I'm gonna eat you up like Sunday dinner, cupcake." She had grabbed lube from her bag and coated Kaoru's dick, sliding on the ring and leaning forward, sliding up Kaoru's body and putting her tits in his face. 

He purred and stuck out his tongue to lick at them. He whimpered when she moved away, but didn’t seem too disappointed when she moved back to his cock, rubbing lube onto her cleavage and then leaning forward and pressing Kaoru's cock between her tits, pressing them around his shaft, and starting to move them around, up and down, all over it.

He settled on the couch, sitting with his legs crossed Indian-style while he watched. Biting his lip a little, he flushed slightly, wondering why he'd never done that to Kaoru before he had his boobs taken away. Minor regrets, he supposed. He rubbed a little at the front of his pants and then stopped, feeling a little awkward rubbing at his packer like that in front of Ainsley.

Kaoru looked at Die, trying to meet his eyes. He noticed as when Die stopped rubbing at himself, and gave him a little look. He mouthed _keep doing it_ , giving Die a lusty smile before looking back down at Ainsley, watching her work his cock with her supple breasts. It felt amazing and he let out a moan as she pulled the bra over her nipples, exposing the brown nubs and rubbing her fingers over them while she continued to rub her tits on him.

Die bit his lip a little and then reached his hand back down, rubbing a little at his packer, arching his hips into it and moaning softly. He was still a little embarrassed about it, but he figured it was worth it if Kaoru wanted him to keep it up.

Kaoru kept his gaze wavering back and forth between Ainsley and Die, chewing his lip and moaning loudly. When Ainsley stopped, he flopped back against the chair, whimpering. She stood and got the little washcloth she'd gotten out of her bag and mopped up lube from her breasts, taking off her bra and tossing it aside. She crooked her finger at Die. "Come here. Come fuck me."

Die blinked a little and then stood up. "I need to go and get my strap-on," he murmured softly. Skirting around her, he went to the bedroom and stripped down and carefully putting his packer aside. He pulled out the strap-on with a dildo to put inside himself. Carefully putting it on, he came back out, and moved toward her.

She gave a laugh at him, walking over with his bobbing plastic cock, excited and pleased. She grabbed him around the waist and kissed him again, her bare breasts against his chest. "Do you wanna?"

Die flushed a little, but after a moment, he shifted his demeanor entirely. Pushing her over toward the couch, he murmured, "Down on your knees."

Ainsley squawked, nearly tripping, but corrected herself, clopping around in her boots. She got on her knees and looked at Die over her shoulder, her heart-shaped ass displayed nicely with the lacy panties. "What are you gonna do to me? How are you gonna fuck me?"

"You'll find out soon, won't you?" he asked, kneeling down behind her and yanking her panties and thong down. He dragged her ass backwards a little and positioned himself, sinking into her pussy a moment later with a rough groan. He didn't wait, just started fucking her hard, the  
obvious sounds of sex filling the room. After a minute, Die reached around, sliding his hand up to cup her tit in his hand, groping at it a little before plucking her nipple.

Ainsley let herself be yanked around and screamed when Die shoved into her and started taking her roughly. It hurt, but it was amazing at the same time. She had a small black butt plug in which moved a little with each thrust as well, making the pleasure more intense. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she looked back at Die, pressing his hand to her breast to let him know she liked it. "How does it feel, fucking me?"

Die let out a groan. "Damn good," he informed her, continuing to fuck her slick pussy. He found it intriguing how, even though he was using a fake cock, it was still different from fucking Kaoru. His hips worked faster and he was maybe rougher than he would have dared to be with Kaoru. He knew from experience which passage could take the larger amount of abuse and it was most assuredly the one he was currently fucking.

Kaoru was squirming in his chair, finding it unbelievable to watch Die abuse her cunt. To watch him fucking a woman so hard. It made him antsy to be taken, or to take Die's place, anything. "Pull her hair," he let out, biting his lip. "Pull it, spank her, something!"

Die let out a groan, pushing her thighs apart again and then starting to shove in harder, his other hand coming to wrap in her hair and pull on it as he fucked her, using it as part of his leverage. "Like this, baby? Is this how you wanted me to do it?"

Ainsley wailed, humping back into Die's thrusts. "Ooooh yeah! Yes, fuck yeah! Is this how you wanted to fuck me, cupcake? Huh? Is this how you wanted my pussy?"

Die let out a soft growl. "Yeah, you know it." He let out a series of groans that got louder and louder with each thrust he made. Burying himself inside, he ground hard against her until he finally came, letting out something close to a scream as he did.

Ainsley was tossing her hair around, screaming with Die when he came. She played it up like he was actually cumming _in_ her, moaning and working her muscles to milk the fake cock. "Oh fuck yes, aaah, all inside me, yes!"

Die's eyes sparkled brightly at the way Ainsley played it up, amazed and thrilled by the prospect of being told how to empty his load inside her. After a minute, he pulled out and remembering what Kaoru had said about wanting to see him eat Ainsley out, he crouched down and started lapping at her pussy, hoping he was doing a good job of it.

Kaoru moaned just watching them, Ainsley's hips rocking back to give Die more to work with, her hands digging into the couch, a shaking cry leaving her. The sex before had been too rushed to really enjoy, she was mostly playing around and hamming it up for Kaoru. But Die's tongue against her was truly amazing and it made her brain reprocess all the hard abuse he'd given her pussy, transmuting into intense pleasure. She wanted so badly to cum.

Die groaned against her, knowing how badly Kaoru wanted to see this, he was more than willing to just dive in as far as he could. He lapped his flat tongue over her clit, shifting enough to be able to push his finger inside her, trying to crook it just right to hit her g-spot.

Ainsley shook, trembling and letting out near sobs of pleasure, her toes curled in the boots, her head hung. "Oh god, please... please, don't stop, I'm gonna cum!"

Die diligently continued, knowing that changing the pace would ruin it all and doing his best to keep it up at the same speed. Moaning against her, he could feel himself getting more and more aroused as he continued, sort of surprised by his own reaction.

Ainsley grabbed at the leather cushions, moaning and gyrating her hips against Die's tongue, desperate for relief. When she finally found it, she let out a scream, legs shaking. Her body went limp and she didn't move for several long moments. Finally, she flipped herself over, sitting on the floor, panting, back against the couch. She grabbed Die at the back of the neck. "Nnn, quite a warm-up."

Die let out a soft whimper, going to her and pressing some kisses to her mouth before he settled to the side and smirked at Kaoru, the look on his face clearly asking if that was what he'd wanted.

Kaoru was panting just from watching them, smirking back at Die. Ainsley leaned into the redhead's side, kissing his shoulder. Her hand went down to his wrist and she picked his hand up, putting it on her breast. "What were your tits like? Do you miss them?" Her other hand went to trace a finger over one of his faint scars, really only noticing them because she knew to look for them.

Die moved both hands to play with her breasts, remembering how he'd touched his own when he'd had them. "Around C cups... and I don't usually. Sometimes I wish my nipples could have stayed the same, though."

She moved to sit with her back against Die's chest so that he could cup her tits as if they were his own, reaching back to put her hand in his hair. "Mm... I bet you made just as gorgeous a woman as you do a man."

Kaoru's mouth was watering, watching them together. He knew Ainsley was putting on a front with them during sex. Who they'd met as the entertainer at the party was not herself, but there were little pieces of her under the mask that he liked. Her body was slender and curved, her face with a faint hint of exoticness to it. She and Die together were breath-taking.

Die chuckled a little, rolling her nipples between his fingers. "I could always show you... we have photos from before I had the surgery." He cupped the weight of her breasts in his hand and made a soft humming sound of approval. His preference definitely wasn't women, but he didn't mind being with them either. In a way it was fascinating, like exploring how he'd always been different from a typical woman.

"Mmm, maybe later." She pulled him into a kiss and whispered in his ear, "I'm not done working him up. Fuck me in the ass? I could do it standing over him so he could only watch."

Die smirked, giving a nod and then reaching for the lube she had, slathering some on his strap-on and patting her. "Go over there."

Ainsley got up, her knees a little weak, and carefully pulled out the black butt plug, setting it on the washcloth she'd brought before going over to Kaoru. Wearing only her knee-high boots, she stood over Kaoru, putting her hands under his forearms to brace herself against the arms of the chair, legs spread, ass up.

Die crawled up off the floor and made his way over to her. Tilting his head, he observed her pert little ass and then smacked it, hoping to elicit a loud response.

Ainsley shouted, laughing as she looked over her shoulder at him. "Mean boy... go slow, huh? Enjoy it."

He winked at her and nodded. He was still riled up, but not enough to be a big old pain about it. He took hold of her hips and shifted her enough so she was at the right height. One hand slid down to his cock, guiding it to her and slowly pushing in. He just paused there once inside her, giving her time to adjust.

Her eyes rolled back and she moaned. Kaoru bit his lip, watching her. Her body relaxed and took Die in again, pain flaring for a moment and then dissolving. "Nnn... shit! That's so good..."

Die let out a breathy little chuckle, holding her hips again as he slowly moved in and out, almost completely pulling out before plunging back in. But he did it all at an achingly slow pace.

Ainsley soaked it up, enjoying the slow pace, letting each nerve feel what was going on. Her hips rotated with Die, little soft moans coming out. She opened her eyes and looked at Kaoru, tossing her hair out of her face. "Your boy is amazing."

Kaoru chuckled. "You're damn right he is."

Ainsley reached down to Kaoru's hand, uncuffing him. "Help him out." She spread her legs a little more and gripped the back of the chair, her tits in Kaoru's face. His eyes lit up and he nodded, leaning forward and immediately kissing her breasts, flicking his tongue over her nipples. His hand slid down between her thighs, rubbing across her wet slit, rubbing circles around her clit before pushing a finger inside her.

"Ooooh, baby, you've got her _dripping_."

Die let out a little moan, peering around to try to see what was going on, only able to see enough to get the gist of it. Smirking to himself, he continued with his pace, not wanting to disrupt Kaoru’s actions, leaning down a bit to press little kisses along her back. Straightening again, he surprised her with one sharp thrust, his eyes narrowing a little as he returned to his prior pace.

Kaoru pushed another finger into Ainsley, who purred at the kisses across her back and then gave a sharp, lusty wail at the hard thrust. Kaoru stretched himself up in the chair to look at Die over Ainsley's shoulder, kissing at it, his eyes locked on Die, the look in them one both of intense lust and intense love and appreciation.

Die smiled at Kaoru, watching him as he thrust in and out, increasing his pace slightly faster than before, but not by much. Licking his lips, he flicked his gaze back down to what he was doing, pushing in and grinding for a moment, resuming his pace just after.

Kaoru had a third finger in Ainsley now, working her into a tizzy, eyes never leaving Die. "Fuck her harder, baby, she's really close." He could feel her insides twitching, could hear it in the way she was breathing that she was about to cum.

Die gave a little nod and started plunging into her, his eyelids falling closed as he fucked her hard, moaning at the friction it gave him and the way the inner dildo moved within him.

Ainsley grabbed Kaoru and pulled him into her breasts, high whines leaving her as Kaoru started to fuck her with his fingers off-beat to Die's insistent pace. Within only a minute, she was cumming again, loudly, her thighs slick with how wet she was.

Die sort of growled at her, shoving in over and over, grinding hard until he came as well, his wetness slicking down over his legs. Shuddering, he pulled out and rubbed her butt for a moment before settling on the couch.

Ainsley stood up shakily, Kaoru removing his fingers and making sure she was watching when he put them in his mouth to clean them. She just chuckled and wagged a finger at him, going into the kitchen and taking off her boots, putting them by the door, traipsing around completely naked now. She quickly found two glasses, filling them with water, bringing the other glass to Die and settling beside him. "You're fucking amazing for not being born with a dick. Better than some guys that are."

Die blushed a little and murmured, "Thanks." But after a moment, he made a tiny face and asked, "Any tips to get better?"

She shook her head. "Not really tips. I mean... everybody is different. Everybody has their own likes. You might blow somebody's world and be completely mediocre for someone else, but... I think you're great."

Die gave a little nod. He supposed that was true. He'd pretty much only been tuned to Kaoru's likes and needs rather than anyone else, so he supposed that was bound to happen.

She leaned and kissed his cheek, looking over at Kaoru. Her chin jerked up. "Uncuff your other hand. Come here."

Die shifted up, taking off the strap-on and then going to wash it in the bathroom. Before long, he was back and settling back down on the couch.

Kaoru undid himself and went over to Ainsley, settling on the couch next to her like he was told. She put one of her long legs over his lap and rubbed a hand down his chest, under the robe. "I think I've teased you enough. Are you ready for your first real piece of pussy?"

Kaoru licked his lips, nodding. "Yes. Please."

Ainsley flicked her eyes to Die and grabbed a condom from the pile of them she'd put by the couch, opening one and rolling it over Kaoru's cock. "Alright... but you pace yourself. I can go for days, and I won’t be satisfied with just a couple rounds." 

Kaoru sort of chuckled, nodding. Moving forward, Ainsley positioned him under her and then sank down, groaning, putting her arms around his neck.

Die settled more comfortably on the couch, satisfied with just watching for the time being, and knowing he wanted to be in the same room as them. Crossing one leg over the other, he watched Kaoru's face, determined to see how he liked it. His face mostly held curiosity for the time being, having had his orgasms.

What seemed to be confusion washed over Kaoru’s face, the expression slowly turning into one of pleasure. His hands cupped Ainsley's tits while she rolled her hips over him, purring and enjoying herself. Kaoru was mesmerized with how different it was, the tone of Ainsley so different from Die, even if the physical makeup was, essentially, the same, or at least had been. Her sensuality was different, her body was different. The way she fucked him was different. It solidified even more to him that, although in the back of his mind he had thought of Die as his secret girlfriend, there was no denying that he was a man. The realization made him happy, though he couldn't focus on it long. He was distracted easily with the gorgeous woman on top of him, his cock sliding around inside her as she moved.

Die watched for a while, sort of intrigued. But after a bit, he got up and went to get his phone from his pants pocket. Coming back, he settled down in the chair off to the side of the couch and texted Kyo.

_You awake?_

Kaoru let Ainsley do all the work, wanting to experience sex the way a woman would want to have it happen, mesmerized by her. He was a little concerned when Die went off, but hoped it wasn't because he was angry or bored. 

Kyo texted back rather quickly. _I am. What's up?_

 _Just wanted to talk. Kaoru's a little... indisposed at the moment._ Die smiled a little and flicked his gaze back up to look at Kaoru and Ainsley, making sure they were still enjoying themselves.

 _Indisposed? Fea is sleeping. I can't seem to rest, so I'm just sitting in bed watching him... shit, I've got it bad._

Kaoru caught Die's eyes and smiled.

 _He's fucking Ainsley. He wanted to feel a real woman before his surgery._ He sent off the message and then pulled his legs up, sitting Indian-style on the seat.

_Whaaaat? You're okay with that, right? Is it hot? I can't even imagine, I've never been into girls even slightly. I know Fea's bi, but I kind of gag to think about him with women._

_I'm fine with it. I had her first. It's not really my thing to be with a woman, but I don't mind it. And yeah, it is hot. Not as hot as him with you, but yeah._ He smirked a bit when he sent that message off.

Ainsley had started to move faster, more up and down, getting louder. 

Kyo texted back _It was pretty hot watching you with Fea. In a weird way, I feel like it was a defining moment in our friendship? Sharing our boyfriends? You know what my lover is like and I know what yours is like. It's sick and twisted, but special._

Die held back a chuckle and replied quickly. _I know it's weird... but it sort of helped me with the stuff that shall-not-be-named between us. Not a clue why, but it did._

_I think for me, too. Something after helped click with me and Fea, so we're a lot closer, I think. That helps, to have him. Why are you texting me while your boyfriend is fucking a girl, anyway?_

As though on cue, Ainsley started to moan rapidly, leaning back and gripping Kaoru's shoulders, snapping her hips sharply as she came, again, one hand coming to squeeze her own tit while she came down.

Die flushed a little. _Admission? While I don't mind him doing it and want to be in the room with him while he is, I need to keep myself distracted while they do things with just them._ He looked up in time to watch Ainsley come and then settled his eyes back on the phone, sending the message off.

Kaoru pulled her to him and kissed her neck, rubbing her back, still hard, unable to cum between the pills and the cock ring. 

_Why? Jealousy?_

_No, actually I don't want to end up horny and masturbating over here right now. I've cum twice, so it's all good._ He hit send and shifted a little bit on the chair.

_Why don't you? That's part of watching, right? Send me pictures for Fea if you can. I think he misses girls sometimes. I catch him looking._

Die smiled and replied, _I'll wear my clit out, seriously. But yes, I'll see if I can take some pics for him._

Ainsley lifted herself off of Kaoru's cock and settled in his lap, kissing him lazily. Kaoru whispered something in her ear and she gasped, seeming excited She looked at Die and then back to Kaoru, talking with each other in hushed voices. After a moment, she got up and walked over to Die. "Do you want me to fist you?"

Die gave her a wide-eyed look, sort of shocked and then bit his lip a little before he spread his legs, hooking them over the sides of the chair. "If you'd like." A little thrill rushed through him at the thought.

Kaoru stood up, reaching for Die's hand. "Mm, come on, we'll move to the bedroom, you'll be more comfortable there." 

Ainsley looked excited, nodding. "I promise I'll go slowly, I have little girly hands, anyway."

Die chuckled a little and got up. "When you two are together again, can I take photos to send to my friend in Japan?" He peered back at Ainsley and Kaoru, seeing if they were okay with that. He figured he might even slip in a pic of Ainsley fisting him if he was coherent enough. Wandering off to the bedroom, he flopped on the bed and spread his legs again, relaxing back against the pillows.

Ainsley blushed a little, shaking her head. "I don't mind. Do they want it specifically with us together? I don't mind posing for you if you want." 

Kaoru lay down beside Die and shrugged, kissing his shoulder and handing Ainsley a bottle of lube as she got between Die's legs, trailing her long nails over his slit.

"Maybe some of both," he murmured softly. Die smiled up at Kaoru and then texted Kyo. _May send a few of this, too. She's gonna fist me._ He sent it and then peered down at what she was doing, changing to camera mode and watching with excited eyes.

Ainsley laughed at him, pouring lube over her fingers and sliding three in carefully, testing to see how far Die stretched naturally before it got more difficult.

Die didn't make any fuss over three fingers, just tilting his hips into it and looking pleased to have something in him. Licking his lips, he just quietly watched.

Ainsley scissored those three fingers around before working in a fourth, pumping them, getting up to her knuckles and pushing just a bit before pulling back out. It was clear Die could handle it, but she still wanted to be cautious.

Die just laid there, his breathing ramping up a little, but otherwise, he was calm, just watching in some kind of morbid fascination.

Propping himself on one elbow, he positioned the camera to take a photo with just the four fingers in, sending it off to Kyo, and then settling back again. He'd do another once she had her fist all the way in.

Biting her lip, Ainsley worked her hand up to the thumb, pressing it against Die's clit and just working her hand around inside him for a bit. Kaoru put an arm over Die's chest and kissed his neck, rubbing absently at a nipple. After several minutes, Ainsley tucked her thumb into the mix, though not yet making a fist, and slowly pushed.

Die let out a little whimpering gasp when she pushed in her thumb, his hips arching and a shudder going through him. The part that was both the most painful and the most pleasurable was coming and he found that he truly couldn't wait on it to happen.

Seeing Die in anticipation, Ainsley poured more lube onto her hand, making a fist. Kaoru tucked his arm more around Die's waist, giving her a nod, and Ainsley started to push her fist in, having to really push.

Die let out a soft whine, pushing his phone to Kaoru, figuring he'd know what to do with it. His back arched and he shuddered again, wetting his lips in between pants.

Kaoru chuckled at him, taking the phone and sitting up, taking some pictures. Ainsley made exaggeratedly slutty faces for a few, trying to be funny, before going back to slowly twisting and pumping her fist in and out of Die. She reached to stroke his cock with her other hand, kissing along the inside of his thigh.

Die's entire body felt like it was on fire with the arousal he was feeling. Trembling more and more, he arched into the touch on his lady-dick, whimpering and then gasping out a loud moan. "Faster," he hissed out.

Ainsley worked her fingers over his dick faster, but moving only minutely faster inside him, trying to keep the same basic rhythm and bring him off. It didn't actually take him long before he came, his passage spasming around her fist, his body arched from the bed, a look of pure bliss on  
his face. A few seconds passed and then he collapsed against the bed in a whimpering mess.

Kaoru climbed over to kiss Die's shoulders and neck, rubbing his side, bringing him back to them as Ainsley pulled her fist out slowly and cleaned it off with yet another washcloth, smirking at him. She crawled forward and lay on top of Die, kissing his chin. "Mmmm, you're welcome," she hummed cheekily then looked at Kaoru, a grin spreading across her lips as she jerked her head at him. He caught on quickly and Ainsley spread herself over Die, pushing his hair back, kissing along his face, a little gasp leaving her when Kaoru moved between both of their legs and pushed back into her, starting to fuck her slow, but deep.

Die let out a soft gasp when he realized what Ainsley was doing with him. Not being the meat in the sandwich was sort of novel and he allowed his hands to wander over wherever they fell, his body relaxing back carefully against the bed.

Ainsley kissed him rather forcefully, rocking her hips against his even as Kaoru took her, his arms on either side of them, holding him up. Ainsley moved to Die's ear, whispering, "Do you like this, having him fuck me on top of you?"

Die let out a soft moan at the question, nodding at her, his eyes sparkling. "I do."

She smiled, grinding against Die more. "Good... anything I can do for you?"

Die chuckled a little. "I think you already did it," he murmured softly.

Ainsley rolled her eyes with a smile and put her arms under Die, kissing him like he was fucking her, not Kaoru, who was pounding away at her now. Without warning, however, just as she was really starting to get into it again, he slipped out, dipped down a bit, and plunged into Die, taking up his pace again easily.

Die kissed her back, squirming a little and then crying out sharply when Kaoru plunged into him, not having expected it at all. He held onto Ainsley tightly, letting out little rasping moans at each thrust.

Kaoru squished Ainsley in between them, kissing Die. "Didn't think I'd forgotten about you, did you, baby?"

Die let out a tiny whimper into Kaoru's mouth, shivering in pleasure. Something about being taken by such surprise sent a huge thrill through his body. He desperately wanted more of it.

Kaoru fucked him for a while before switching back to Ainsley, who rested her full weight on Die to let the motions transfer. She arched to rub her clit against Die's, her finger nails raking lighting over his shoulders.

Die just continued on with his little whimpering whines, his hands unable to decide where to be, finally settling in Kaoru's hair and pulling almost violently.

Die pulling on his hair made Kaoru start to fuck Ainsley into the bed, or rather, into Die, and Die into the bed. He felt like he was going to cum and he wondered if the ring would even be able to stop it. Ainsley was crying out in Die's ear, on the edge, grinding her crotch against Die.

Die's eyes flicked up to Kaoru and then gave him a heated look, mouthing the word, _"Cum,"_ and then yanking even harder on his hair, determined to see if he could make him even with the help of the cock ring holding him back.

Kaoru had tears at the corners of his eyes from the strain, bucking into Ainsley harder. She screamed and thrashed, biting Die's shoulder when she finally came. Kaoru let out a loud grunt, his eyes rolling back, arms shaking to support his weight as he came, buried in the woman between them.

Die let out a growl when he knew Kaoru had cum, his hand switching to gently stroking his lover's head, not wanting to keep yanking past his pleasure point.

Kaoru leaned into the touch, recuperating, Ainsley panting against Die's neck. When Kaoru pulled back to take the condom off, Ainsley flopped over onto her back, spreading her legs, reaching over to Die, rubbing his clit. "Somebody, please keep touching me, fuck me, whatever..." She was panting and overwhelmed with pleasure, but once Ainsley was started, it was hard to stop her. 

Kaoru sort of laughed at her and got up to throw the condom away, going into the bathroom to wash himself up just a little and get a drink of water. Ainsley grabbed Die's wrist. "Want to see if you can fist me? I've never really tried it before."

Die's eyes brightened at the prospect. "My hands are bigger than yours or Kaoru's, but I'd like to try." He shifted around and got the lube, settling between her legs and slathering his hand in lube. He sank three fingers into her, knowing it would probably work well enough after having had him and Kaoru both.

Ainsley whined, arching up before settling onto the bed, squeezing both breasts. "More..."

He pushed in a forth finger, fucking her with them as best he could, his eyes watching her carefully for signs of discomfort.

Kaoru walked by the door, letting out a purr at them, before going to make sure all the blinds were closed and whatnot. He retrieved three shots of cherry vodka and brought it in on a tray, setting it aside, plopping himself down in the chair in the corner, watching. Ainsley bucked her hips up against Die's fingers, mewling. "Ffffuck! Feels so good... more, more!"

Die whimpered quietly and looked up at Kaoru, smiling happily and motioning for him to give him one of the glasses. After taking a shot, he concentrated on his work again, slowly curling up his fingers and tucking his thumb inside.

Ainsley thrashed, squeezing her thighs together suddenly. "Ah! Stop stop stop!"

Die winced and uncurled his fingers, pulling them back out and giving her a concerned look. It really shouldn't have added that much to the pressure, just some girth, but apparently it was enough to make it painful.

Ainsley bit her lip, hissing. "Sorry, sorry... I guess I'm not built for it." 

Die shook his head. "I didn't mean for it to hurt you," he murmured softly. 

She panted for a moment and then grabbed Die, throwing him over on the bed, straddling him and grabbing his lady-dick, carefully sitting down on it, guiding it into herself, and squeezing like all hell to keep it there, sitting her full weight over him and gyrating her hips. "This is better for you anyway, huh?" 

Die was on his back, staring up at her and then gasping as she guided him into her. He let out a soft whimper, his eyelids fluttering closed. "O-oh," he let out.

Kaoru leaned forward in the chair, fixated on watching them. Ainsley clamped her pussy around Die, tossing her hair. "Are you gonna cum in me? Are you gonna fucking shoot?"

Die let out an obnoxiously loud moan, arching up against her, letting her do the moving. "God yes, I will, I swear!"

Ainsley kept moving, frantic, getting off more now on Die's reactions than anything else. "Unh, fucking do it! Cum in me!" The more and more she bated him, the more his body reacted to it. It wasn't long before he was gone, losing it and cumming hard, both of his hands buried in his own hair as he cried out.

Ainsley moaned along with him, pleased with herself. When Die was finished, she leaned over, kissing his face. "You feel good, are you okay? Do you need a break?"

Die blinked languidly up at her and then gave a little nod. He wasn't entirely used to someone being as voracious as him and it was taking its toll, rather obviously in the slight trembling of his limbs.

"Yeah?" Ainsley pet his face, leaned over him, her wavy caramel hair veiling them from Kaoru. "Do you want me to get you some water?"

He smiled and nodded. "Please?" He thought that might help a little.

Ainsley got up and went to get Die's glass from earlier, refilling it and bringing it back, handing it to him. "You rest up. I'm going to make your boyfriend fuck me again." She winked, giving a small smile, the real girl coming out somewhere under the performance artist sex fiend, and she slinked over to Kaoru, handing him a condom. "Get up." He did so and she sat down, spreading her legs. "On your knees." He followed direction again. Ainsley pulled her legs up over his shoulders and scooted to the edge of the chair, leaning back in it. Kaoru sank into her like that and started off slow, watching as even the slightest stimulation send her into shivers, the position obviously her favorite.

Die took the water and settled back, yawning and then watching them, his head tilted to the side slightly. A little smirk worked its way onto his lips. They looked really hot together.

As Ainsley became more and more lost in the pleasure of it, her slutty front fell away. It was clear she was now just a woman thoroughly enjoying a good fuck. Kaoru watched his cock go in and out of her, his hands fondling her tits. She tossed her hair and moaned, rocking back into him, starting to get very loud. "If I squirt, don't stop. I just keep cumming after I squirt." She seemed desperate; the words packed together tightly and rushed out, her body on the edge of the chair, her knees nearly at her ears as she grabbed at Kaoru, trying to find the perfect angle. Kaoru fucked her harder, faster. When she came, she was indeed wet and screaming, ejaculate like Die's making a mess between them. Her eyes rolled back in her head and Kaoru didn't stop, continuing to fuck her, making her twist and moan as if in pain, body clenching. He shoved her legs apart when they tried to close and kept fucking her, and if the shaking of her hands and the extended tendons of her neck were any indication, she was still experiencing intense orgasms.

Die almost choked on his water at her words, watching in sheer fascination while Kaoru fucked the hell out of her. He bit his lip softly and peered at her, wondering if he could manage to continue with his orgasms even after squirting. It was odd though, because he almost always ended up squirting as he came and that was about the end of it. He took another sip of water and rubbed at his leg, curious if there was some way to prolong his and maybe satisfy him more so that he didn't want more after the first go. He was certain it would come in handy with Kaoru being holed up in bed.

Ainsley seemed ready to pass out, or have a seizure. After a few more minutes she calmed down and shoved Kaoru backwards off of her towards the bed. "You deserve a blowjob," she stated plainly, crawling over to him and taking off both the condom and the cock ring, kissing sloppily at Kaoru's chest as he climbed backwards up onto the bed. Ainsley nibbled at his stomach. "You're both fucking amazing in bed, how do you get anything done? I'd just fuck all day."

Before Kaoru could answer, she was swallowing his cock, sucking vigilantly, swirling her tongue around the head.

Die let out a soft chuckle. "Who says we do get anything done?" He blushed faintly though, certain by now she probably had gotten the point that he was the sex fiend out of the two of them.

Kaoru almost laughed at Die before tensing up, his head lolling back as Ainsley went to work, talented despite being ready to topple over with exhaustion. She reached for Die, finding his leg and just squeezing his calf, wanting to touch both of them. Kaoru didn't last terribly long and when he came, gripping her hair, she pulled back and smiled, wiping up her mouth and swallowing.

Standing up, she wobbled to the bathroom to get cleaned up while Kaoru flopped back on the bed, reaching for Die.

Die rolled over close to Kaoru once it was all said and done, tucking his face against Kaoru's chest and burying his hands in his lover's hair, just holding onto him.

Kaoru purred, rubbing up and down Die's back. Ainsley came back in and, without asking or saying a word, opened up a drawer and pulled out a pair of Kaoru's boxer briefs. She put them on, and then stepped into the closet, pulling down one of Die's shirts, a pale blue button down off a hanger and putting it on. She pulled her hair out of the collar and sat down on the bench at the end of the bed, rubbing her neck, a pleased look on her face. "Well?"

Die watched her put on the boxer briefs with an amused look on his face, thinking how this was something he'd seen a million times in romantic movies, but never in real life.

Obviously it did happen here as well. He buried his face back in Kaoru's chest and let out a contented purr-like sound, a tiny smirk on his lips, hoping that was enough of an answer.

Ainsley laughed, leaning back on her hands, slim legs crossed at the ankles, knees bent. "Mm... You know, this can just be a half-time if you want." Kaoru outright laughed, hugging onto Die more. Ainsley winked and got up, going into the kitchen and digging around. A few minutes later she returned with a big slice of a chocolate cake with raspberries that Kaoru had bought that morning, with three forks. She crawled up onto the bed and putting the cold plate on Kaoru's stomach and handing a fork to Die.

Die peered up at what she brought back, interest in his eyes. When he was handed a fork, he speared off a bite and carefully went about eating it, making a soft moaning sound. He loved raspberries on his cake and he loved chocolate. It was a win-win situation as far as he was concerned.

Ainsley lay on top of him, cross-ways, eating her part of the cake. Kaoru declined when she offered him some, not in a sweets mood. Honestly, he wanted steak, or chicken, or something savory. Anything, really. Ainsley kissed Kaoru's chest chastely and then rubbed Die's back, sucking chocolate off the fork. "Would it be too much to ask that this be a recurring thing, maybe? You two are fun."

Kaoru sort of shrugged, looking at Die. Really, it was up to him.

Die sort of shrugged a little. He supposed it was okay, though he knew he'd have to be in the right mood for it. "As long as Kaoru's okay with it, I don't see why not." He nuzzled his lover again, liking the feeling of his nipple on the side of his face, giving a contented look.

Ainsley sort of sucked on her lips, nodding. "I mean, I don't want to butt into your relationship or anything, but... I mean, if you ever want to hook up. Call me?"

Die smiled again and then nodded before yawning slightly. "I think I'm going to grab a shower. That okay with you guys?"

Both of them nodded, Kaoru looking half asleep. Ainsley got up to go put the plate and forks in the sink, rinsing them.

Die moved off to the bathroom and crawled into the shower, relaxing back against the wall. He turned on the water, letting it slosh over his shoulders while he leaned into it and closed his eyes.

Kaoru wondered if Die was maybe having regrets about letting this happen, hoping he really was just tired and wanted a shower. Ainsley came back into the bedroom and crawled up beside him, hugging a pillow and leaning on the headboard. He tossed a sheet over his crotch and they quickly started talking about art, a little awkward chatter at first, and then discussing it voraciously, as though they hadn't just fucked each other's brains out. It turned out Ainsley was semi-familiar with Kaoru's work with the magazine and was actually bashful to hear that Kaoru had seen her shadowboxes and called them "brilliant.”

Die relaxed for a few minutes before he finally pushed away from the wall and started to actually wash himself off. He took his time, washing really well and making sure to leave his conditioner in for the entire time he man-scaped. Once he was done, he washed out his hair and got out, drying off. Coming back into the bedroom completely naked, he wondered if Kaoru would notice his now bald downstairs right off the bat or not.

Kaoru stretched, winking at Die, going back to talking to Ainsley while he patted the bed at his side for Die to come sit. It was actually Ainsley who noticed Die's shaving, laughing a little. "Inspired you, did I? I actually get mine waxed."

Die blushed a little and shrugged. "I honestly have debated it in the past. Wondered how it would go." He wandered over to get his pajama pants and a tank top, pulling them on and then coming over to sit next to Kaoru where he'd patted the bed.

Ainsley chuckled. "I love how it feels, it's so smooth. Makes me feel cleaner down there, too." She gave a little stretch, watching Kaoru tug Die down to lay with him. "Mm, you know, it's getting kind of late. You guys have got a lot to get through in the next few days, maybe I should go."

Kaoru sort of frowned. "You don't have to."

She shook her head, getting up and taking off Die's shirt. "It's OK. I had fun."

Die watched her, his eyes tracking her movements. He didn't want things to be awkward, but he wasn't sure exactly if he was or not. Licking his lips, he murmured, "I was afraid I was going to cut myself, honestly."

Ainsley laughed again, taking off Kaoru's underwear and putting both in the hamper in the corner. "I have before. That's when I started getting waxed." She went into the parlor and pulled some jeans and a camisole out of her bag, pulling them on and slipping into some flats, putting all her other things back into the bag and shouldering it, coming to the bedroom door. "Alright, guys. I'm out of here. I have to be up early tomorrow, anyway." She walked in and kissed Kaoru sweetly, then Die. "I'll see myself out. Call me, okay? I'm a Certified Nursing Assistant, it's how I get my money. If you ever need somebody to watch him while he's recovering, I'll be glad to help." She squeezed Kaoru's arm with a soft smile. "Bye."

Die smiled softly at her and nodded. "Thank you, I might very well take you up on that." He hated to admit it, but if he was going to work while Kaoru was ill, then he'd have to hire someone and it might as well be someone he knew. "Lock the door behind you, please?" He rubbed over Kaoru's arm and then shifted closer, nuzzling against him.

She nodded, giving them both a smile, opening the door and flicking the lock before closing it, making sure it was locked before going to her car and driving off. Kaoru purred and nuzzled Die. "Mm... I think I should get a shower, too. Then eat? Then sleep, I guess... We're supposed to be at the hospital for prep and an MRI around three."

Die nodded. "That's fine. I'll go heat you some of the lasagna while you get a shower, okay?" He himself wasn't all that hungry right then.

Kaoru smiled, sitting up and kissing the corner of Die's mouth before going into the bathroom and starting a shower. Worry struck him every now and again, coming in flashes, but overall, he knew by now that the surgery was going to happen and whatever came of it was bound to occur anyway. He was more or less at ease with it and honestly ready to just get it over with. Washing off, he recollected himself, feeling a little drowsy and fairly relaxed. He came out of the bathroom and put his robe back on, placing the chair back in the office and putting away the cuffs before sitting at the counter in one of the barstools, smelling the lasagna. "Mmm... thank you, pumpkin."

Die waited until he was sure Kaoru was about half done with his shower. Getting up, he went to heat the lasagna, making a tiny piece of it for himself and getting two glasses of milk out to drink with it. He finished up at the same time Kaoru shut off the shower and he settled down at the table and ate his little piece before Kaoru ever came to the kitchen.

Kaoru ate quietly, somewhat distracted, his mind just off, not anywhere in particular. When he was done, he got the plates together and washed them, going over to Die and hugging him around the shoulders. "Come curl up with me?"

Die got up, smiling softly while he followed Kaoru off toward the bedroom. He crawled into bed and tugged Kaoru down on top of him, smiling happily. "I love you."

Kaoru purred, snuggling against Die's neck. "I love you, too, Die." He sighed happily, getting comfortable. It hadn't been dark for long, but he found he was, in fact, tired. "I'm paying the neighbor's son twenty bucks to walk and feed Mako for the next few days in case you end up staying at the hospital, okay?"

Die gave a nod and offered Kaoru a smile. He was so organized sometimes and it blew his mind. "Thank you for thinking of that, baby."

Kaoru chuckled, rubbing his nose against Die's neck. "I didn't want to forget about our baby!"

"I wouldn't have. I just would have freaked out about who to call to deal with it was all." Kaoru nuzzled him back, smirking softly.

"See? I saved you the stress." 

He squeezed onto Die even more, tracing his fingers down his lover's arm. "I'm honestly more worried about you than me..."

Die hugged him close. "You should focus on yourself, baby." He kissed his cheek and then snuggled back down.

Kaoru sort of shrugged, smelling Die, feeling their room around them in the dark, knowing exactly where everything was despite not being able to see more than vague shapes from the dim glow of the street lamp outside. "I will later. I'm just ready to get over this, to have it done, so that if anything's wrong, we can start treating it. If I'm okay, I can breathe easy again."

Die nodded. "I know... I am too. I'm... I don't know. I'm hopeful things will be okay." But he feared things would not be. He was absolutely terrified, in all actuality.

"I am too." He wouldn't tell Die about the nightmares, the waking visions. He was certain they were just his subconscious and of course the tumor affected by his stress, and it would do no good to worry them both. He didn't think about them, couldn't. He had to have faith that in the end, he would be living a long life with Die. He had to. His finger's curled around Die's and he kissed his neck softly. "Goodnight, love."

Die snuggled up close to him and murmured, "Night, baby. I love you."


	63. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan, Mohini, Nameless14  
> NOTE: This chapter contains things that are not quite correct in regards to how surgery would have gone. Please be aware of that and just accept it as a lack of knowledge at the time and lack of time to do proper research. It would have been changed during editing, but as I no longer have contact with the co-author, I could not discuss it and it would have changed far too much of it to only my words rather than theirs and mine. Thank you and deepest apologies.

The next morning, Kaoru woke early, just after sunrise, sneaking out past a sleeping Die. He put his camera around his neck and took Makoto for another walk. He cleared his head, snapping photos of his surroundings. It wasn't really for art, but to pointing the camera allowed him to really think about what he was seeing and what was around him. He went down to the river and watched the water rush by, watched cars go over the bridge into the city where people worked and lived their lives. He wondered if he would come back to join them. When Kaoru returned the house, he started making a big breakfast and then went quietly into the bedroom. Makoto was chewing a bone in the living room. He began to take photos of Die. He knew every inch of his lover, but he had to be sure, had to document every part he could so he could really focus on it, appreciate it. Somewhere, a foreboding lingered, but there was a sense of peace, too. Whatever was coming, he could take it. He loomed over the bed and took a photo of Die's lips. He bent around to get the angle just right so that the light coming from the living room made a long line over Die's nose and the veil of his lashes. He photographed how Die’s hair fell over his shoulders, and his hands.

Die slept rather well considering what was going on in his life at that point. His dreams were of life with Kaoru and things going well, not of all the things that could go wrong. It was hours before he woke up, finding himself lying on his back and Kaoru hovering over him with the camera. He blinked a few times and then rubbed his eyes, murmuring out, "Baby..." and giving him a little smirk.

Kaoru gave him a little smirk back, leaning down to kiss him. "Morning, tiger." He knelt down on the bed and set the camera over on the side table. Kaoru lent over Die, straddling him and kissing loudly over his jaw. "I'm making breakfast."

Die blinked himself awake and grunted a little. "Mmm... smells good." He yawned and shifted, whimpering a little at the pressure on his bladder. "Gotta take a piss," he informed softly.

Kaoru kissed the tip of Die’s nose and got off him, going to check on the biscuits in the oven and poor them some orange juice. He had picked some flowers from the yard during his walk, and set them in the middle of the table. The curtains in the breakfast nook were open, letting in light.

Die sort of stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, relieving himself and then going about the rest of his morning routine. Almost ten minutes later, he came back out, fully dressed and ready to move on with the day.

Kaoru was putting two plates on the table; scrambled eggs with salsa, biscuits made from scratch, chicken sausage, fried potatoes, fresh bowls of fruit, and oatmeal. He had made jasmine green tea and there was also a carton of apple juice on the table along with their glasses of OJ. Makoto had moved on from his bone to a piece of sausage Kaoru had let cool and set in his bowl.

Die settled down at the table and stared at all the food, his mouth watering at the sight. "God damn, Kaoru... when did you get up?" He picked up his fork and stabbed some fruit, nomming on it happily.

Kaoru shrugged, pulling a biscuit apart with his fingers. "A little after seven."

"Well, thank you for all of this, for sure." He reached for a biscuit and spread some jam on it, making a happy sound as he ate it.

Kaoru sort of blushed, crossed his legs and continued to eat quietly. "I made the biscuits from scratch. How do you like them?"

"They're amazing! I had no idea you could make biscuits!" He ate the entire thing and then dug into the eggs, making pleased little sounds. 

Kaoru laughed, sipping his orange juice. "A man's gotta have his secrets, right? I have to pull out little things to keep you interested, I can't just put it all out there." He winked and ate a bite as Makoto came to lay under their feet, waiting for them to drop scraps.

Die laughed softly, shaking his head. "Good point, I suppose. I have a few things still up my sleeves." 

Kaoru's eyes sparkled. "Oh? I can't wait to discover them." He finished his plate slowly, enjoying it, knowing it was his last meal for a few days. When he was done, he took his plates into the kitchen and washed them, putting the leftovers in the fridge.

Die didn't have all that much left when he was finished, just a few potatoes and a little bit of his sausage. He gave it to Mako before Kaoru took his plates. Mako made a satisfied sound while he ate the scraps. "So... what's the schedule for everything?" Die asked quietly.

Kaoru sort of sighed, putting the last dish on the strainer and turning to lean against the counter. "Ah... let's see. We need to be at the hospital at three to check in. They'll run some blood work and do an MRI and prep me, I've gotta do a fuckin' cleanse and whatnot... then surgery tomorrow at eight A.M. After I think I'm only supposed to be in the hospital for a week at most."

Die gave a small nod and swallowed hard. Kaoru seemed so together and with what was happening but Die wasn't. He was quite the opposite; scared and feeling rather panicked. He chewed on his lower lip for a moment before going to Kaoru and gently pulling him close.

Kaoru returned the hug, pressing his nose into Die's hair. "Mmm... I love you, baby. So, so much."

"I love you, too," Die murmured softly. He wanted to tell Kaoru he was scared, but he didn't really want to make things harder for him.

Kaoru put his hands in Die's hair, and held him. After a few minutes, he let go. "I need to get a bag together with my things. Write a few letters... just in case anything happens. You should pack for a few days just to be safe."

Die nodded. "Okay..." he really didn't like the sound of 'in case anything happens', but he let it pass and headed off to the bathroom to start packing his travel bag. But as soon as he closed the door, he stilled. Die just leaned on the door, tears streaming down his face. He pulled out his phone and quickly texted Kyo. _I'm so terrified, Kyo..._

Kaoru sat down at his desk and started writing letters. He wrote one to his parents and his sister, and one to Sita. He put off the letter to Die, not sure he could bring himself to write a possible goodbye to his lover.

Kyo texted him back within a minute. _I'm so sorry, Die... please, don't be scared, OK? It's going to be hard._

Die slid down the door, sitting in the floor and mopping at his tears while he tried to text him back. _At least I'm not crying in front of him... I just... I've pushed this feeling away and now I can't anymore._

 _Please don't be sad. :( Just believe everything will be alright, don't give into any fear._ Kyo tried to reassure him.

_He's writing his final letters, Kyo... how can I be strong when he's obviously convinced it won't be okay?_

Kyo felt his heart ache for Die, biting his lip, hard. _He's hyper-rational, he's just covering all his bases, okay?_

Die just let his phone fall in his lap for a minute, sobbing into his hands. It took him a little bit to get it even remotely close to back together. Once he had regained some semblance of composure he texted Kyo back. _I'm sorry I keep bothering you with this, but I don't think I'm going to stop worrying until things are done and over with. It's just... this is so hard._

_I know :/ I wish I knew what I could do to make it better, but I don't._

_Just put up with me for the next few days... please. It's all I can ask._ Die pushed himself off the floor and went about washing his face, blowing his nose, and then starting to pack his travel bag.

_Of course I will. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to comfort you, but you know I'll be here for you._

Kaoru finished his letters, keeping them short, somehow working out a few lines to Die, tears pouring down his face. He made sure to compose himself before he came back out, fixing himself up in the bathroom and then going into the bedroom to pack. 

Die smiled a little and replied quickly. _I really think I just need someone to talk to me through all of this. To let me cry on their shoulder because I can't put that burden on Kaoru right now._

_Of course I'll be here. *hugs*_

Die finished up in the bathroom and went into the bedroom; quickly packing up some clothing and other items he figured he would need if he were staying overnight at the hospital. When Die felt those arms come around him, he turned in the embrace and hugged Kaoru close, kissing his cheek and pushing his hand into his lover's hair. "I love you with all my heart," he managed to get out before his voice cracked and he had to stop before he ended up in tears.

Kaoru squeezed Die tightly, rocking him back and forth a little. "You're my world, you know that. Everything's going to be OK. It won’t be easy, but it will be OK, alright?"

Die nodded and pushed his face against Kaoru's neck, closing his eyes. He still couldn't talk; it just wasn't going to happen. But he really just wanted to cling to Kaoru for a while. It made him feel better, even if just for a little bit.

Kaoru didn't resist, holding Die back, kissing his hair, and letting him stay there as long as he needed. It was a few minutes before Die pulled back, letting out a soft sigh as he tucked his hair behind his ears and then turned to finish stuffing the last few things into the bag. Die tried hard not to look as freaked out as he felt.

Kaoru put some things into a bag of his own, not really bothering with much clothes. He knew he would mostly be in a hospital gown. Kaoru loaded his bag up with books and his iPod and his laptop, along with some DVDs to keep him occupied. That is, if he was going to even be lucid enough during his stay to need to be occupied. He packed some deodorant and his toothbrush and his necklace from Die to wear after the surgery for if he felt lonely should Die have to go do something. Sighing, he racked his brain for anything else, figuring Die could always bring it to him if he was in dire need of something he had forgotten. "We've got probably an hour before we need to start heading out. What do you want to do?"

Die moved to the dresser, pulling out the last thing he had to want to give to Kaoru before this. It was the bracelet he'd gotten in Japan for Kaoru. Putting it in his pocket, he quickly went about getting everything else ready by the front door and then took Kaoru to sit on the sofa. Die tugged his lover into his lap and just held him there. "Just sit here," he whispered softly.

Kaoru let himself be led, cuddling up in Die's lap, feeling small, safe and loved. He rested against Die's chest and put his arms around his lover's neck, breathing deeply.

Die just clung to him, his face buried in Kaoru’s neck, his eyes closed while he rubbed Kaoru’s back, almost petting him.

Kaoru's twined his fingers in Die's hair, just staying calm and comfortable, trying to reduce the world down to just the two of them for a while. Once Kaoru had calmed down, Die finally turned his head a little more and kissed lightly at Kaoru's neck, his hands moving to Kaoru's hair, gently running over his scalp.

Kaoru jumped a little, not expecting the soft touch of Die's lip, quickly melting into it, giving a quiet purr. He sighed out Die's name and brushed the back of his knuckles across Die's cheek, tilting his head. The attention to his throat felt good, both erotic and somehow soothing.

Die just kept gently kissing, not trying to make Kaoru aroused. All he really wanted was to let his lover know he was there and that he loved him very much.

Kaoru felt tears well up, anxiety and emotion overwhelming him. He wondered if this was going to be the last time Die would ever hold him like this, if he would ever come home again. He hoped that he would. He prayed he would. But there was no way of really knowing.

Eventually, Die just rested his head back against Kaoru's shoulder, his eyelids falling shut and a soft hum leaving his lips. "I love you, baby."

Kaoru hugged Die tightly, his throat closed, dry, tears meeting at his chin and dripping off into Die's hair. He couldn't speak but in his mind he was screaming, railing that he loved Die, that he was afraid, that this couldn't be it. They had a life together he wanted to share, they weren't even married yet, and they didn't have kids. There was so much more he could have with Die, so much more time to love him– he didn't want that cut short.

Die rocked him back and forth, kissing the side of his head a little and did his best to keep his shit together for the time being. But thoughts of how he'd never managed to talk Kaoru into getting his sperm saved kept banging around in his head. That thought sort of hurt and he bit his lip a little bit, shoving his face against Kaoru's hair again.

Kaoru sobbed quietly into Die's shoulder, tiring himself out. When he was done crying, he felt a bit relieved and sleepy. Carefully, he pulled back, rubbing Die's cheek. Kaoru was a swollen-faced mess. "We need to go... I've got to check in."

Die nodded and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "Go wash up, baby." He smoothed his hair down. Once Kaoru had gotten up from his lap, Die went to get their bags and his shoes. He headed outside and let Mako into the yard, went to the car, and loaded up the trunk. He turned on the car and waited in the driver's seat, praying he could keep his shit together for as long as was necessary.

Kaoru went to the bathroom and blew his nose and washed his face. Looking at the mirror, he dug around in the drawer for an old stick of Die's eyeliner, a blueish shade, and wrote a quick loving note to Die on the glass. Then he went into the kitchen and quickly rearranged the word magnets on the fridge around the picture of them together, "You make my life worth any heartbreak, my light, my moon, my love" before going out the back door, locked it and pushed his feet into his flip-flops. He went over to the fence to pet Makoto through the bars and tell him goodbye for a few days, or rather what he hoped was only a few days. Finally Kaoru got into the car and rested back against the seat, a tightness forming in his chest.

Die just silently pulled away from the curb, heading down the alleyway and out into traffic. Sighing a little, he merged onto the interstate and headed off toward the hospital, a sense of dread settling over him.

On the interstate, Kaoru reached for his hand and looked out the window. There was no use getting all out of sorts now. After all, the surgery wasn't even scheduled until tomorrow. If he couldn't find some peace again before then, he wouldn't sleep, which could affect how well the recovery went.

Die smiled at him, holding his hand once he had the car in fifth gear, cruising down the interstate, the traffic light this time of day. It didn't take them long to arrive at the hospital and Die was able to find a parking space relatively close to the entrance. He pulled into the spot and cut the engine, squeezing Kaoru's hand and getting out.

Kaoru got out and grabbed his bag, shouldering it and waiting on Die to get his things and lock the car before taking his hand again and heading towards the entrance. They headed towards the elevator to go upstairs to the neurology department. Once there, Kaoru found the reception desk, only to be handed a whole stack of paperwork to fill out.

Die was silent the entire time, just waiting on Kaoru to check in and then took a seat in the waiting room with him so he could start on the paperwork.

Sitting down, Kaoru filled out all the papers, listing Die as his emergency contact and approving him for release of any information about him during his surgery. It took nearly twenty minutes just to get through all of it and when he finally turned it back in he was told to wait while they set up a room for him.

Die bowed his head, thinking how Kaoru must have felt during each surgery Die had to go through, how hard it must have been for Kaoru to be waiting and praying.

Kaoru leaned his head on Die's shoulder, already uncomfortable from just being in the hospital. When a nurse came for him, he followed after her, making sure Die was following close behind. They entered the room and were told the doctor would be in in a moment to talk to them before he would go for the MRI. 

Die dropped down in the chair next to the bed, holding his bags in his lap and preceded to wait on whatever would come next.

Kaoru kicked off his flip-flops and sat cross-legged on the hospital bed and began to nervously pick at the leg of his track pants. When the doctor came in, he shook both of their hands and pulled up a stool by the edge of the bed, with a cheerful expression on his face. He asked Kaoru how he had been feeling and if the seizures had progressed, to which Kaoru replied no and that he'd actually been pretty good for the last few weeks. 

"That's nice to hear! We're going to take some blood before you go in for the MRI, but I want to go ahead and talk to you about how we're going to be doing the surgery. I really think the best option, the least invasive, is to go in through the nose."

Kaoru's hand went to his hair and he let out a relieved sigh. The doctor laughed. Kaoru sort of blushed and shrugged. "That's okay with me. Whatever is safest."

Die smiled at that, glad to hear there was a less invasive option for something like this. It made him feel so much better. Die let out a breath and relaxed in his seat again, studying the doctor.

The doctor got up, and felt at Kaoru's head, asking about pain. He cast a look over his shoulder at Die. "So you're the boyfriend, huh?" 

Kaoru laughed a bit.

"I promise you won’t have to worry about anyone kicking you out of the room, we haven't got any fascists policies around here," the Doctor offered.

Die nodded at the question and then looked relieved. "Thank you... some places do." He hadn't really let himself worry about that though, there were more pressing issues to worry about. He had figured he could claim to be Kaoru’s cousin or something if he needed to, but the fact that he didn't have to hide who he was made life easier.

The doctor shook his head and checked Kaoru's pupils, then he had him follow his finger with his eyes. "Nope, not here. I won’t work at a place that has policies against same-sex couples." He backed up and took Kaoru's chart. "You're looking good, which hopefully means the tumor hasn't gotten any bigger. That is usually an indicator that it is benign. Of course, with your history and for your safety, the biopsy is pretty much necessary. I'll have a nurse come in in a moment to take some blood and then you can change and we'll do the MRI to see just what's going on in there, alright?" 

Die smiled softly at Kaoru and the doctor, happy about what he was saying. It earned him a lot of points in Die's book, which was for damn sure. 

Kaoru nodded and his doctor left, leaving them in the quiet room. Kaoru patted the bed beside him, looking at Die.

Die got up and went over, settling down beside Kaoru and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. "He sounds... optimistic," he murmured.

Kaoru nodded, hugging Die back. "I like him, he's spunky. At the very least, even if things look bad, he keeps people in the right attitude." He nuzzled Die's neck and the door opened, the nurse had arrived to take Kaoru's blood. He asked if Die could stay where he was and she sort of rolled her eyes with a smile in a fond gesture. Setting her things down on the other side of Kaoru she asked him to squeeze a stress ball while she placed the tourniquet on his arm. Then she eased a needle into the vein, taking several vials of blood. When she was done, she put a bandage over it to hold the gauze on and patted his arm. 

Die was glad when the nurse didn't make him move, his eyes flicking down to watch the blood being drawn, glad Kaoru wasn't getting all ill over this. Maybe when it was his own blood, he was better... who knew. 

"You'll want to go ahead and get undressed and change into the gown." She pointed to a putrid green thing folded at the end of the bed. "They're just about ready for you in radiology." Die smiled softly and reached for the green gown and held it out for Kaoru, who shivered after she left, shaking out the willies. 

"I hate having to get used to this again... being poked and prodded and tested and all that shit." Kaoru stood up and gave Die a little kiss, stripping down and slipping into the gown, which made him look like a twig with how it dwarfed his slender form. He knew he wouldn't stay slender for long. His body took work to keep in shape. Already, not being able to work out had made him a bit fleshier.

Die watched him, smiling and then reaching out to grope his butt. "Hnn... hey there sexy." He smirked and chuckled a little.

Kaoru gave him a joking glare, trying to close the back as best as he could. He put his arms around Die again and got up on his toes, giving him a deep kiss. "Will you sleep in the bed with me tonight?" There was a cot in the room for Die, but Kaoru would feel lonely without his lover next to him.

"Of course, baby. I'll do my best not to roll either of us off into the floor." Nodding, Die laughed softly and rubbed his hand through his lover's hair.

Kaoru gave laugh. "That's what the bars on the side are for."

"True enough," Die let out softly and then shifted a bit, waiting on the nurse to come back for Kaoru, kind of hoping to get this over with quickly.

Kaoru walked around the room, feeling antsy. A nurse came about ten minutes later with a wheelchair and he eyed it warily. "It's policy," She explained.

He sighed and sat down in the chair, reaching for Die's hand to walk beside him before she took them across the hospital to the radiology wing and into the room with the MRI machine. She turned to Die. "You can wait in the hallway just outside." She pointed to the door before instructing Kaoru to lie down on the table.

Die walked along side Kaoru and then squeezed his hand before he wandered off to the hallway to wait.

The nurse came into the control room and one of the technicians hit a button, the table Kaoru was laying on retracting into the MRI machine. They pressed a talk back button and told him to relax and be as still as possible. There was some whirring and clicking and images started to pop up on the screen, one in black and white, the other in colors. This went on for nearly an hour before they hit the talk back button again and announced they were done. They pressed the button to remove the table from the MRI. Kaoru sat up slowly and the nurse went in help him back in the wheelchair. 

Die met Kaoru out in the hallway and took his hand once more, walking slowly beside him through the hospital. The nurse took them back to Kaoru’s room and left them there.

Walking around the room again, Kaoru ran his hand through his limp hair. "I really hate being wheeled around like a fucking invalid. They can do that when I'm doped up and they've cut into my fucking brain." Sighing heavily, he sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing his arms.

Die moved over to Kaoru once he sat on the bed, wrapping his arms around him. "It's just policy, baby... part of their liability insurance. That's all."

Kaoru ignored it, just focusing on Die's arms around him, squeezing his lover back. "I love you... I love you so much. Thank you for sticking with me."

Die kissed his cheek gently. "I love you, too, baby. More that I could ever tell you."

Kaoru pulled away a bit, looking at his lap. "When... when you first left, I knew... I knew I couldn't make it without you. I knew I was gonna die. I still don't really know yet, but, at least now I have hope. I have something to live for."

Die gave him a terribly sad look and yanked him closer, holding him tight. "I love you and I promise, I'm seeing this through, no matter what."

Kaoru pressed his face into Die's chest. "I want to go ahead and say that I'm sorry for the burden I know I'll be. You're amazing, taking care of me like this."

Die tilted his lover's chin up and looked him in the eye. "Baby, you are not a burden, nor will you ever be."

Kaoru blushed and leaned up to kiss Die again. Just as he was pulling away, the door swung open and the doctor came in with a chart, pulling up his stool in front of them like before. "Well, it's not good, but it’s not bad. There doesn't appear to be any change so at least we're not working with anything we didn't already expect." Kaoru nodded and he continued. "We're going to finish up your labs and a nurse will be in with the cleanse and to go over everything to prep you for surgery in the morning. Any questions?"

Die gnawed nervously on his lower lip, really wanting to know what the chances were from this doctor, what the probability was that he would not have his baby anymore after this. But Die didn't want to ask such a morbid question– especially in front of Kaoru. So, instead, he just bowed his head and waited.

Kaoru was not without similar worries. He rubbed his cheek and asked, "What are the risks?"

The doctor sighed, seeming to choose his words carefully. "Well, it is surgery, so like anything, there's risk of complications. This particular procedure has about a seventy-five percent full recovery rate. Which is good. That is much higher than previous methods. So long as all goes well - and you're young and in very good health all tumor issues aside, so things should go well - the recovery is about two to four weeks, with full recovery in about six to eight weeks."

Kaoru licked his lips, mulling it over. Not that he could really refuse. But he was glad that the odds didn't appear to be stacked against him.

Die reached for Kaoru's hand, holding it tight and watching the doctor. The odds at least made him feel a little better; it was more than his brain had really hoped for, which was good given the reality of the situation. It relaxed him a little and he looked all the better for it. 

"You sound hopeful," Kaoru murmured softly, unsure if it was even loud enough for either of them to hear. Kaoru squeezed Die's hand back and the doctor gave them both a smile, and left. The shorter man sighed and sagged into Die, groaning. "Maybe I shouldn't have made such a big breakfast, now I have to shit it all out. Delightful."

Die let out a sort of laugh and rubbed him a bit. "But if you enjoyed it, then it was worth it... maybe."

Kaoru groaned. "We'll see..." He shifted back on the bed and adjusted the back straight up, sitting back against it and reaching for the remote to the TV, flipping it on. No sooner had he turned on MythBusters did a nurse arrive with a cart of things. She was more callous than the others and poured the cleanse mixture into a cup, instructing Kaoru that he'd have to drink it with water until the entire container was gone. He took the first cup and gagged, holding his nose to get it all down. The nurse brought him some water and poured another cup. This time, Kaoru nearly threw up and had to stop halfway through, the nurse shoving a bowl at him in case he did vomit. He drank water and a little apple juice she offered him until he felt like he could try again.

Die sat off to the side, out of possible vomit range, looking at Kaoru with a sort of grossed out expression on his face. If it tasted that vile, he was sure he didn't want to ever have to try this terror of a thing. Honestly, he was unsure why Kaoru had to do such a thing rather than what he'd had to do for his own surgery. But he supposed maybe because Kaoru would be under longer.

Kaoru managed to get it all down by sheer will, knowing if he threw up, he'd just have to do it again. When he was done, the nurse made him finish the water and told him that from now until after the surgery, he could not eat or drink anything before leaving. Kaoru fell back against the bed, sort of panting. "That was awful."

Die sort of fidgeted in the chair and frowned at him. "Are you okay?" he murmured softly. "It looked rather terrible."

Kaoru grimaced. "I think so, as long as I can just not think about it. I still kind of want to puke." He pulled a face, tears in his eyes from his gag reflex.

Die managed to peel himself off of his chair and go over to rub Kaoru's back, hoping he could keep him from hurling. That was one of the things he liked the very least.

Kaoru closed his eyes, focusing on Die's hand that was on his back. He purred a little, holding his stomach. "This is about to get eight kinds of worse, I can tell... if you want to leave while this stuff does its thing, I'll understand, believe me. I wish _I_ could leave and just come back when it's finished."

Die winced a bit and then nodded. "I might have to," he admitted softly. He didn't do well with sickness of any kind and he knew there was not room for two in that bathroom. "Maybe I should go to the gift shop?" he asked, wondering if he should go now.

Kaoru was bright red, embarrassed. Sure, he could have Die shove a plastic cock in his ass, but the thought of having epic, medically induced diarrhea with Die on the other side of the door made him feel terribly embarrassed. "Yes, please... I just... it's not very appealing, ya know? I'll text you when I think I'm done."

Die leaned in and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before swiping up his cigarettes, wandering out of the room, closing the door behind him. Die hurried down the hallway after checking the room number, and then went out into the center courtyard where the smoking area was. Die lit up and started to nervously puff away at the menthol.

Kaoru sat around and watched TV, feeling nauseous, waiting on the cleanse to kick in. It took about thirty minutes and then he was running into the bathroom, where he stayed, miserable, for nearly another two hours. When he was done, he felt like a hollow shell. Kaoru crawled back into the bed and texted Die. _Done. Exhausted. Napping._

Die wandered around the entire place a few times, visited the gift shop twice, and smoked almost half a pack of cigarettes before Kaoru finally texted him. He traipsed back up to the room, having the foresight to grab an air spray from the nurse’s station before he returned. Immediately, he sprayed it and then slipped in as quietly as he could. Die sat in the corner and turned his phone on vibrate so that it wouldn't wake Kaoru up.

Kaoru stirred a little bit, looking over at Die. "Mm.... I'm not contaminated. I took a quick shower after. Come lay with me... I think I'm going to use this exhaustion to my advantage and get some rest. Hopefully I'll sleep through the night."

Die wandered over to him and crawled into the bed and layed next to Kaoru. "I just didn't want to disturb you. You seemed sort of passed out, baby. That's all."

Kaoru snuggled up with him, getting comfortable. "Mmmm, need my cuddle bunny."

Die smiled softly at him, just holding him close, gently stroking his back. This was still hard for him, but at least he knew there was a higher survival and recovery rate, rather than something insanely small.

Kaoru rubbed his nose against Die's shoulder, pulling the threadbare sheet over them. His fingers stroked Die's bicep, his nerves calmed for the time being by both his weariness and his lover's warmth. "I love you, baby." He rubbed Die’s back and then smiled again.

Kaoru made a sleepy little noise, fitting his hips more against Die's so that they settled against each other like two spoons in a drawer. "Love you, too."

Die closed his eyes, hoping if he tried to will himself to sleep, Kaoru might sleep as well. And he knew that right then that this was what his lover needed.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	64. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Please forgive any issues with how things go in this whole scene. I fear that I had no knowledge of what procedures would be regarding brain surgery and my co-author wrote most of it out since it was his character having it done. I changed quite a bit, but I don't want to alter it too much without consent from said co-author, so pieces of it remain as they were.  
> Beta Readers: cadkitten, Mohini, Nameless14

Kaoru was asleep within minutes, sinking deep into a dreamless sleep. At seven, a nurse came in and gently woke both of them up, asking Die to please get out of the bed with a blush so that she could start Kaoru on an IV. However, first she pulled out an electric razor, explaining to Kaoru she was going to shave his arms and legs for him. He knew it was procedure but he had to, in a sleepy voice, ask why. She explained it was in case something went wrong and they had to do an emergency procedure. For example if his blood pressure dropped and the vein with his IV collapsed, it was easier to find a new vein quickly with no hair blocking it. He shrugged and let her shave his legs and forearms - he didn't really have hair anywhere else except his groin, and he guessed she wasn't going to bother with that - and then looked away while she started him on an IV. 

Die stumbled out of the bed and limped off to the bathroom, using it and then coming back out, looking a little less like he'd just dragged himself out of a hospital bed. Licking his lips a little, he settled down on a chair and watched the nurse start an IV on Kaoru. Before the nurse left, she made sure he didn't need anything else and let them know the doctor would be in soon to talk Kaoru through everything before he actually went in for surgery. Once the nurse left, Die moved closer, coming to hold Kaoru's hand while they waited on the doctor.

Kaoru laced their fingers, just looking at their joined hands. Fear was beginning to creep in and he had to focus on his breath so as to not to let it get to him.

"You doing okay, baby?" Die asked, his voice laced with concern.

Kaoru gave a little shrug, pursing his lips. "I’m just... starting to get scared. Nervous. Ready to have it done, I guess."

"It'll all be done with soon, baby... just a little while longer," and then Kaoru wouldn't know enough to know that time was passing by. Die would... but Kaoru would be out, the way he was supposed to be for the biopsy.

Kaoru felt himself start to cry, scared and emotional. "I know... but I want it done now. I feel like I can't even go through with it, I'm really starting to freak out."

Die rubbed at his arm, concerned. "We need to, baby... we need to know what's going on."

Kaoru laid his head back, tears wetting his hair at his temples. "I know... I just... I don't want to. I will, I have to, but I don't want to. I'm scared of what will happen. I feel like I know this isn't going to be easy. I've gone through so many emotions and I've tried to stay positive, but I feel, and I'm almost, _almost_ accepting that this is going to be really, really hard..."

Die leaned in, kissing him gently to try to shush him, knowing this was where he had to start being stronger and remain that way. "It'll be fine, baby... things will work out."

Kaoru licked his lips when Die pulled away, giving a silent nod. "Thank you..."

He gently pecked Kaoru's nose and then just held his hands, waiting on the drugs in the IV to kick in and do whatever they were going to do.

The drugs slowed his body down and numbed him out, but didn't put him to sleep. That would be the anesthetic in the O.R. The doctor and two nurses came in and checked his pulse and his blood pressure. The doctor let Die know that he could wait either in the room or outside the O.R., and that the biopsy shouldn't take too terribly long. The nurses got a gurney and carefully lifted Kaoru over to it to take him out of the room.

Die nodded a little at the nurse's comment. "Is it glass?" If it wasn't, there wasn't much of a point to actually move from here.

The nurse shook her head. "Only the trauma bays have glass. But some people just like to be closer."

Die nodded a little. He glanced at Kaoru and then stood up. He figured he'd at least come with him for the time being.

Kaoru looked around blearily, finding Die and lifting his hand, finding it difficult to keep his muscles engaged. He wanted Die to hold his hand until the O.R.

Die reached over clasping his hand and making sure he was where they could get the bed out the door along with him.

The nurses and the doctor headed along towards the O.R., having to go up a floor. Kaoru kept hold of Die's hand, closing his eyes and trying to let that feeling imprint on him so that he could have it with him through the whole thing. When they arrived outside the O.R., the nurses stopped. One of them tapped Die's arm. "This is far as you can go with him."

Die squeezed Kaoru's hand again and then leaned down, pressing a kiss to his lover's mouth for a moment and then pulling away. "I love you, baby." Then he moved back, letting go of his hand and watched as they wheeled him into the operating room.

Kaoru's eyes lit up for a moment when Die told him he loved him, too doped up to return the sentiment but wanting to. Once in the operating room, an anesthesiologist knocked him out and the delicate procedure began.

Die waited for a few minutes and then started pacing the entire hallway, chewing on his lower lip as he went, eventually gnawing a hole in it, the taste of blood filling his mouth.

The doctor came back out after making sure everything was clear with the surgeon, giving a gentle smile at Die and taking his arm. "Come on, you'll wear yourself out pacing. I need to go over the recovery information with you, anyway. I assume you'll be the primary person caring for him?"

Die looked almost relieved when the doctor came out and nodded, more than willing to go along with him. "Yes, I will be."

He headed into the elevator and down to the main floor, towards the cafeteria. Once there, the Doctor got into the line and grabbed a tray, expecting Die to follow, putting enough food on for two people and paying before finding a seat by a window. "Brain surgery, even something like a biopsy, is very tricky and unpredictable. He could be fine and up in a few days, or he could be very slow to recover. There are a lot of things that could happen and it all depends how long they last. I'll need you to keep an eye on his mental recovery for anything odd. Switching languages, disordered thought patterns, delusions, catatonia, anything out of the ordinary, even if it seems like small things. If they're frequent, it might be a problem we need to monitor."

Die followed along behind the doctor, his face concerned as he listened to all of it. "Um... we both speak both Japanese and English on a regular basis. Do you mean like... mid-sentence?" he asked softly, picking up a mixed fruit cup that had a lot of cherries in it and padding after him.

"It could be mid-sentence or it could be just that English is something he has trouble comprehending for a while. It's something I've noticed in a lot of my patients who speak English as a second language."

Die nodded. "Okay. I'll keep that in mind then. Maybe try to keep talking to him in English and keep it in one language for a while." He paid for his fruit cup and then they moved to the tables and Die settled down, opening the cup and stabbing a cherry.

The doctor shrugged. "You may not want to force him for the first few days, but make sure once he's had some rest that he isn't lacking any mental faculties he had to start with." He opened a juice carton and sipped at it, picking up a bread stick. "For the most part, the first week he's out of the hospital, try to keep him in bed. Even if he seems fine, he could have blackouts easily and just make things worse for himself. Stuff him full of as much nutrient-dense food as you can. Tossing a few handfuls of spinach in a fruit smoothie actually does wonders. He should be eating lean proteins, and drinking lots of water."

Die nodded a little and then watched as the doctor moved to put half of the food in front of Die. He smiled a little noticing it was a chicken Caesar salad, a breadstick, and a small slice of cherry pie.

He accepted the food and pulled it toward him, taking a bite of the salad. "Okay, so do you want me to keep a running log of things I think may be complications?"

The doctor nodded, stabbing a few pieces of pasta with a plastic fork. "That would be wonderful, actually. Keep him talking as he recovers, make sure he's still having usual reading comprehension and that kind of thing. There's stuff I could miss in a follow up exam that would be much more apparent to you at home."

Die gave another nod, and continued working on his salad, making little happy sounds every once in a while. This was actually really good food for a hospital and he found himself impressed by that fact. "Thank you for actually talking with me about this stuff... and thank you for the meal."

The doctor - his name tag read "Roberts" - waved his hands dismissively. "It's no problem. The former is my job, anyway.”

Die smiled softly, looking less anxious for the time being. "I'm glad to know Kaoru has a nice man for a doctor rather than a total asshole..."

Dr. Roberts laughed loudly, covering his mouth to keep from pasta falling into his beard, not expecting that. "I try, I try... though my nurses might tell you different!"

Die shrugged a little. "You bought me food and you haven't pissed me off... and I hate hospitals. So, so far, you're doing ace."

Dr. Roberts laughed again, moving his food around the paper plate with the fork. "Oh, nosebleeds are also normal within the first few days. They should stop before he goes home. But just so you don't panic, they're normal with this procedure. If he has one, just call a nurse."

Die gave him a nod and then murmured softly, "Like really bad ones? He'll probably hurl a lot, too. He doesn't like blood."

"It all depends. Everyone reacts and heals differently. And honestly, the pain medication might make him fuzzy enough to not register being squeamish." He scarfed down food, used to having to eat quickly and checked his pager. "I have another patient. He should be out of surgery around noon, if you have any questions, just ask for someone at a nurse station to page me."

Die nodded to him and offered his hand to shake, thanking him softly. He still felt anxious, but not nearly as much as before.

The doctor shook his hand and carried his tray off, leaving the cafeteria. Everything seemed quiet, still. It was one of those peaceful lulls where everything went soft. Floors above, the surgery had just really started. For three hours, careful work was done to get to the tumor remove a piece of it from his head. At almost one o'clock, a nurse came to find Die. "He's finished. They're about to bring him back into the room. The surgeon would like to speak with you for a moment."

Die had paced around for about another hour before retiring to the room, unable to keep that up for much longer, his legs like jelly and his brain almost numb. When the nurse came, he had been fidgeting mindlessly with his phone in his lap. Immediately he stood and nodded, casting a worried look at the door.

A tall man in green scrubs came in after the nurse, giving a tight smile. "They're cleaning him up now and he'll be in the room soon. However, as we were coming out, he had a seizure and his heart had some issues before we got him steady again. He's stabilizing very well now, but it was quite a scare and we're not sure what this means for recovery. For now, he'll probably stay under for a while and be pretty loopy at least until tomorrow or the day after. Alright?"

Die stared up at the doctor, his face clearly reflecting absolute horror. He did his best not to cry right in front of him, though tears glistened brightly in his eyes. He just nodded a little and gripped his phone harder, his insides feeling like pure jelly. He pulled in a little air and forced himself to breathe. Kaoru could very well be okay. People died on the table all the time and came back out okay in the end... right? But somehow, the pep talk in his head didn't help and he could feel himself slowly losing the battle with his tears, his heart aching in his chest.

The surgeon shrugged, not really sure how to deal with patients' loved ones. "He'll be in soon, and hopefully we won’t have any more complications." With that, he left, a nurse coming to get the bed ready to bring Kaoru in.

It didn't take but a few moments after the surgeon left for Die to start crying, tears pouring down his face. How had Kaoru flat-lined and he not even have felt anything? Weren't people supposed to feel it when loved ones were in trouble? He grabbed a few tissues and started mopping at his face, being as quiet as possible about his breakdown.

The nurse watched him, trying to figure out if she should try to comfort him. Before she could decide if this was that kind of situation, another nurse came in and quietly asked Die to come with him.

Die followed the male nurse down the hallway and up a few floors in the elevator to ICU completely without hesitation, knowing he was being taken to his lover. 

Once they arrived in the room, Die quietly moved closer to Kaoru where he was laid out on the bed, already attached to an IV drip and monitor. He looked limp, deflated. The nurse who had made up the bed went over to Die. "If you need anything, the call button is at the top of the bed."

Die peered up at her, looking quite honestly pitiful. He nodded a little and managed out a weak, "Thank you," before he moved to the chair next to Kaoru, pulling out the bracelet he got for his lover. Die took it out of the bag and put it onto Kaoru’s wrist that was IV-free. He gently took his hand and held it, leaning his head down on the other's arm, tears flooding down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking.

The bracelet seemed eye-wateringly bright next to the hospital bracelet. Kaoru didn't even twitch, still under the anesthesia, his body still rebooting and stabilizing. The nurse pulled the door shut behind her, leaving them alone. It took Die nearly twenty minutes before he'd cried himself dry. He just held onto Kaoru's arm while he sent a text to Kyo. _God, I'm so not okay right now, Kyo. They told me they lost him on the table. I mean... he's alive now, but... god. I just... fuck._

 _Oh fuck... :( Die, I'm so sorry. Just be there for him._ Truthfully, Kyo had stopped breathing before continuing on to read the rest, wondering how such a thing had blindsided him. _I love you, OK? Be strong for him, he needs you._

Die mopped up some more tears and clung to Kaoru's arm even more, nuzzling at it. _I know... I just don't know how I can keep my shit together right now at all._

Kyo frowned, feeling helpless. _Please be OK. He's still here._

 _I wish you were here so bad right now._ Die sighed softly and put his phone down, leaning his head against Kaoru's arm again, closing his eyes.

_So do I. :(_

Kaoru continued to be oblivious, floating in a milky haze, pain-free, mind-free, just existing for the time being. The drugs were wearing off, but for the moment, he was gone from everything in the world.

Die just remained there, clutching Kaoru's arm to his chest and trying hard not to sob over and over, rocking a little in his seat to try to comfort himself. Right then, he truly wanted Kaoru's family there, wanted them to know and be there to help him through this as well. And for a moment, he debated calling them to beg them to come despite any desires his lover had to the contrary.

After over an hour since being brought back into the room, Kaoru's hand twitched, fingers tensing around Die's for a moment. His brows knit together and he was starting to wake up, confused and in pain.

Die immediately sat up, tears still tracking down his face, his eyes concerned. "Kaoru?" he asked softly, praying his lover would recognize him and that they hadn't fucked something up real bad. Already there were bruises under both his eyes and his hawkish nose seemed swollen. He made a soft whine and his mouth turned down, not really sure what was going on. Somewhere, he understood, but making it all click was hard. Slowly, he started to open his eyes, trying to focus on Die.

"Baby?" he asked, his voice anxious and worried. "Are you with me?"

Kaoru's brain was fuzzy, both from the drugs and the surgery. He knew he knew who Die was, but just like what was going on, he couldn't seem to really understand it. He did know, however, that this person was comfort. Weakly, he squeezed Die's fingers again.

Unsure if he should call a nurse or something, he reached over and pulled the string to notify the nurses, figuring it was better safe than sorry in this case.

A moment later, a nurse came in, stopping for a moment, seeming shocked to see Kaoru blinking sleepily. "The craziest things..." She shook her head and walked over to him. "I need to stop expecting anything with neuro patients. It's always different... most people would be out for at least a full day, and look at him. Like it was only a nap." She pulled a flashlight from her pocket and shined it into Kaoru's eyes, checking his pupils. "Welcome back." She glanced at his monitor, then down at Die, putting her hand next to theirs. "May I?"

Die looked up at her, his eyes wide and then slowly gave up Kaoru's hand to let her hold it. "He's been squeezing my fingers a little," he murmured quietly, feeling like he was in church or something and needed to whisper. He was at least glad to hear that Kaoru was waking up faster, though he hoped it was a good sign and not a bad one.

She took Kaoru's hand and gave it a little squeeze. "If you can talk, you can try, but you don't have to. Can you squeeze my hand?" Kaoru did so. "Good. Are you feeling any pain?" Again, he squeezed her hand. "What is it on a scale from 1 to 10?" She began counting to ten and Kaoru's rubbed his thumb over her finger on seven. She nodded and leaned over to his morphine drip, adjusting the flow slightly. "Do you know where you are?" Kaoru's eyes seemed both confused and ashamed. After a moment, he gave her hand a tiny squeeze. Pursing her lips, the nurse thought for a moment. "He seems OK, just still sort of dazed. I'll page the doctor to let him know he's up." She set Kaoru's hand back down on the bed and patted the back of it before leaving.

Die watched from his seat, listening to the questions and flicking his gaze between their hands and Kaoru's face. Once she had moved to leave the room, he murmured softly, "Can I get some water? I... I don't want to leave him, but I think I dehydrated myself." He looked ashamed as he glanced at the almost full trashcan full of his tissues from crying.

She gave him a sad, compassionate look. "Stay with him. I'll bring you some."

Die gave a little nod and murmured his thanks before snuggling up to Kaoru's side, clinging to his hand again and burrowing his head against Kaoru's side.

The extra morphine calmed down the aching fire in Kaoru's skull and he lifted his hand slightly, petting Die's hair. He still couldn't actually process much, but he had no apprehension about the other nuzzling on him. In fact, he felt like the other should kiss him for some reason.

Die leaned into the touch, more than happy to actually have that touch. It meant Kaoru was coming back around some more and that made him happier than almost anything else could have right then.

Kaoru kept stroking Die's hair lazily, his hand shaking a bit, trying to make himself put everything back together. It wasn't working too well. Wetting his lips, he tried to speak, a raspy sound coming out of his throat, hoarse. It seemed that speech was also something he understood but couldn't actually manage just then.

Die looked back up at Kaoru, his eyes wide and concerned. But after a moment, he moved a little and stroked his lover's cheek. "I love you, baby," he murmured.

Kaoru blinked, leaning his head slightly into the touch. Even though it felt like he couldn't think properly, he was shouting in his mind _Please kiss me! If you kiss me, maybe it will all click!_ Briefly, Sleeping Beauty danced across his mind, but it didn't stick long enough for him to make anything of it.

Die peered down at him for a few long moments before shifting and brushing his fingers over his own mouth and then pressing them against Kaoru's.

Kaoru gave him a sort of odd look, suddenly noticing the bracelet and pulling his arm towards his face, trying to focus on it. Just then the door swung open and Dr. Roberts walked in, a big smile under his beard. "You're already up! Amazing! You gave us a hell of a scare in there." He moved past Die, patting his shoulder. "Is he speaking yet?"

Die shook his head a little and then murmured, "No, not yet. He tried though, I think." He tilted his head at Kaoru, watching him stare at the bracelet, wondering what he was thinking.

Kaoru put his hand down, distracted by Dr. Roberts, who leaned in with a flashlight like the nurse did, checking him over before taking his hand. "Are you feeling alright?" Kaoru took a moment and then squeezed. "Do you want to rest some more?" Kaoru's brows drew in and his hand didn't budge. Dr. Roberts laughed and looked over his shoulder at Die. "A feisty one." He turned back to Kaoru. "I'm going to give you some math problems, alright?" A little squeeze. "First, how many fingers do you see?" He held up three and Kaoru squeezed three times after squinting. "Two plus two?" Four squeezes. "Ten minus eight?" A pause, then two squeezes. "Two times three?" Six squeezes. "Minus five?" No squeeze. Kaoru's eyes looked lost. Dr. Roberts tried again. "Two times three." The right answer, again. "Minus five?" No answer. The doctor gave a little sigh and then reached into his pocket, nodding. He pulled out some flashcards and did a few more tests, coming up with some things that Kaoru was confused over. He tried to speak a few more times, but it simply wasn't happening.

Die watched carefully, frowning a little when Kaoru couldn't give one of the answers. He offered softly, "I really hope things keep going in the upward direction." He looked really drained, all the crying and fear making him sort of tired from earlier.

After about ten minutes, Dr. Roberts stopped, turning to Die. "These things happen with brain surgery, even just a biopsy like this. There is of course some bleeding and swelling, so it could very well be that once it starts to go down, he'll regain full function. But, it's something to keep an eye on him about. For right now, though, I'm satisfied with how he's come out of surgery and hopefully we won’t have any steps backwards. The seizure was concerning, but the surgery, once the swelling from the procedure itself is gone, should alleviate the inter-cranial pressure for a while to give him some slack on the headaches and all the rest. Alright?"

Sitting back a little, he reached for the water the nurse had brought in for him. He poured himself a glass and took a small sip from it while he rubbed at Kaoru's fingertips gently.

Dr. Roberts smiled, watching them. "You kind of remind me of my older patients." Kaoru looked at Die and licked his lips, giving the tiniest hint of a smile. "Right now, let's cross our fingers and encourage him to rest, okay? You get some rest too."

Die gave him a soft smile. "It's what love does to a person if you ask me." He finished off his water and then murmured softly, "I know this is... odd... but do you care if I move the other cot over here closer so I can be close to him while I lay down?" He didn't want to just climb into his bed with him, afraid he'd hurt him or something at this point.

Dr. Roberts shook his head. "No, no, it's fine. Just stay on that side, so if the nurses come in, they can get to the equipment."

Die nodded. "I will." He got up and adjusted the table and then pulled the chair away, pushing his cot over toward Kaoru's bedside and putting the brakes back on so it wouldn't go rolling off when he tried to get in. He went off to the bathroom to pee and then wash his face before coming back out and crawling into the bed, ditching his shoes off to the side. He pulled the blankets up and tugged the pillow he'd brought from home close to himself before reaching out for Kaoru's hand and lacing their fingers together, just watching him.

The room was quiet. Kaoru played a little with Die's fingers, staring at the ceiling, the confusion and lack of connection in his brain making him frustrated nearly to the point of tears. He couldn't even consciously realize who was holding his hand, though he felt if he were asked he would know. It was awful, and he was in pain, but the morphine was starting to do its trick, lulling him into an opiate rest.

Die just let Kaoru play with his hand, shivering a little and then closing his eyes after a while, sighing softly and relaxing as well. It wasn't even minutes before he passed out and started to snore softly.


	65. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan, Mohini, wraithrhionann

A hospital at night, even in an isolated wing away from the ER, was loud even in its attempt at quietness. The drugs kept Kaoru asleep, but when they subsided, he slipped back into consciousness, aware of only fear and confusion. He whimpered loudly, starting to cry. In the dark, all he could see was the street lights glowing dimly in lines through the blinds on the ceiling, a blur in his vision. Die jerked awake almost instantly when Kaoru whined. He took a moment to orient himself as well and then squeezed Kaoru's hand. "Baby? Kaoru? Are you alright?" He struggled to reach the light, turning it to the lowest setting, the yellowish light faintly filling the room. "What's going on?"

Kaoru was sniffling, eyes closed and leaking tears, mouth contorted into a pout. He could hardly understand himself to even begin to tell Die what was wrong. He just felt... sad. He hated not being able to pull himself together and speak and comprehend. It made him feel trapped and useless.

Die peered at him, concerned, and slid over closer to his railing, his hand moving to gently rub over his lover's side. "I'm here, my love, right here. It'll all be okay."

Kaoru closed his eyes, crying a little more. He tried to reach up to cover his face, but the IV hurt to bend his left arm and he yelped a little, putting it back down, crying harder.

Panicking a little, Die reached back and yanked the string to call the nurse, flicking the light on a little higher just after and shifting in his bed to actually peer at Kaoru a little more. "Please... what's wrong?" he had no idea how to solve this, feeling completely lost and freaking out on the inside.

Kaoru's bottom lip turned down pitifully. Even if he could speak, he wasn't sure if he could explain how he felt. Jumbled and in pain and confused, like a frightened animal or a child left on a doorstep.

Die looked around, the nurse not coming fast enough for his liking with Kaoru freaking out like this. He scrambled to get the stupid rail down and get out of bed, stubbing his toe on the wheel and yelping. He hopped off in the still semi-dark room, getting his foot tangled in his bag and falling flat on the floor with a squawk before he scrambled back up, his wrist now aching, and went to the door, yanking it open. "Hello?!" he called down the hall. "Help! Please?"

A nurse who had been walking down the hall now started running, coming in and looking at Die, shocked and confused for a moment, before stepping over him and going to Kaoru, who had fallen quiet, but was still in tears. She checked his IV and clicked her tongue, going to help Die up. "His morphine ran out, he's probably in a lot of pain. I'll go get another bag."

Die sagged against the wall, looking truly scared. Tears glistened in his eyes and he held his wrist close, pain radiating through it. By the time the nurse told him what was wrong, he just nodded, sniffling a little and then wiping at his eyes with his good hand. Chewing his lip a little, he murmured, "I think I just sprained my wrist," looking ashamed.

She frowned at him, looking back at Kaoru. "I'll check once I get back with the morphine." She hurried off, back within five minutes, replacing the IV bag and then holding her hands out for Die's wrist.

Die waited on her, leaning against the wall, watching Kaoru with a still scared look on his face. Once the nurse gave him more morphine, Die let her see his arm. He wouldn't have had it any other way, really. Kaoru came first.

She poked around with him, testing to see his wrist's mobility. "It seems OK, probably a little sprained. I'll go get you an Ace bandage to keep it wrapped up."

Die nodded a little and sighed. "I feel stupid... I tripped over my bag."

She shook her head. "It's OK." Going off again, she returned with said bandage and wrapped Die's wrist. "That's really all I can do for you with it. Just be easy on it and maybe take some Tylenol if it really starts hurting."

Die waited on her and then let her wrap it, watching so he knew how to do it again if he had to remove it. Glancing at Kaoru, he then sort of stumbled off to the bathroom to take a piss and wash his face again, feeling ashamed and tired. Once he was done, he came back to the bed, crawling in and rolling onto his stomach to text Kyo. _He woke me up  
crying and apparently in pain. Morphine ran out. I tripped and sprained my wrist like a dumbass trying to get the nurse._

Kaoru was still staring at the ceiling, lazy tears running down his face. He reached over the side of the bed, wanting to hold Die's hand again.

Die reached over, taking Kaoru's hand and rubbing at it, his forehead creased in worry. "Come back to me, baby... please?"

Kaoru just sniffed, squeezing Die's hand, trying to close his eyes and rest. He knew he needed rest.

It took Die nearly two hours before he could actually fall asleep again, his mind full of worry and anxiety.

For the next two days, Kaoru mostly slept, Die carefully feeding him the hospital meals. He stayed quiet, for the most part, slowly getting better with the math questions and such that the nurses and Dr. Roberts kept trying on him. On the morning of the fourth day, he woke up feeling fresh, perky. He was still sore and a little drugged up, but not like he had been. He sat the bed up and looked around his room, shaking Die's hand to wake him.

Die jerked awake, looking up at Kaoru with wide eyes, seeming worried that he wasn't doing okay. Instantly, his hand was on the string to pull for the nurses, his eyes sweeping over Kaoru, trying to see if he needed to pull it. "Baby?" he asked, not really expecting an answer, knowing it was too much to ask for.

Kaoru gave him a tiny smile, watching him go into mother hen mode. "Hey," he croaked out, looking like hell with his two black eyes. "Give me a kiss?" His voice was rough and he was using Japanese only, but he was speaking.

Die seriously almost had a heart attack. He scrambled over to him and leaned over the rail, gently pushing his hand into Kaoru's hair, kissing him full on the mouth, pressing against him for a few moments before pulling back.

Kaoru kissed him back, keeping his lips closed, mostly, realizing he hadn't had the opportunity to brush his teeth in a few days. When Die pulled back, he blushed a little, then pointed at their bags in a chair. "Tooth brush... and a cup?"

Die smirked at him a little and then laughed softly. "I think my baby's back." He slid off the bed and went to get Kaoru's toothbrush, giving it to him and then going to the bathroom to get a cup filled with water.

Kaoru dipped his toothbrush in the cup and held it out for Die squeeze some toothpaste on it, carefully beginning to brush, still a little weak and having issues with more precise motor skills.

Die settled back down with a second cup for Kaoru to spit into, putting some minty toothpaste on his brush and then smiling happily.

He spit into the second cup and put his toothbrush in it before taking a sip of the water and swishing, spitting that out, too. "Much better..."

Die took both cups and went to dump them out, rinse Kaoru's toothbrush, and then put it and the toothpaste back in his bag. He came back to sit down and took Kaoru's hand in his own. "How are you feeling?"

Kaoru looked at their hands, rubbing his thumb along Die's fingers. "Better. Still... dizzy, a little fuzzy. I feel a lot clearer today." His voice was rough from disuse and his speech was dragging some, but it was better than his previous silence.

Die fingered the bracelet he'd put on Kaoru a little and then squeezed his fingers again. "I love you." It was all he could seem to get out right then.

Kaoru gave a little smile again, pulling his sheet up a little, looking over himself. He then noticed the bracelet, eying it. "This isn't hospital... you?"

Die smiled softly. "Yeah... I bought it in Japan for you... just for this." It just felt right.  
Kaoru seemed to blush again, putting his arms out, wanting to hug Die.

Die shifted toward him and hugged him carefully before sitting back again and then brushing some hair behind his ear. "Want me to call the nurse?"

Kaoru smelled Die's hair, murmuring "thank you" against his ear before Die pulled away. At the question, he carefully shook his head. "Not really. I feel OK. Like a normal headache."

Die nodded a little and then gently rubbed at Kaoru's hair. "Can I ask a favor?" he asked softly and blushed a little. "Do you mind if I go to take a shower? I haven't left since we got here and I feel so dirty."

Kaoru blinked. "You mean go home and take a shower?" He blinked again. "Yeah, sure, I guess." He licked his dry lips and thought a moment. "Will you... will you bring me back one of your hoodies? Just to wear while I'm here?"

Die smiled a little at him and leaned in, kissing his cheek. A moment later, he slid off the bed and grabbed his bag off the floor. "I'll bring the black one with the silver design, okay?" He thought that one would be best, loving it desperately and thinking Kaoru would like it too. "I'll be like... an hour."

Kaoru nodded, pointing at his bag. "Will you hand it to me?"

Die picked up Kaoru's bag and gave it to him, running a hand over his hair again before he slipped out of the room. He made his way quickly out to the car, making sure he was doing all of this as fast as possible.

It was only twenty minutes later before he got to the house, finding Mako in the yard and food and water on the porch. Apparently that had been the neighbor's kid's idea of letting him in and out. He let the pup in and allowed him to rush along with him as he stripped, heading straight to the bathroom and turning on the shower. Only a few moments later he was inside, the water streaming over his body. 

Kaoru dug out a book and started reading, finding that it was harder to read quickly and actually keep up with the story. He hoped that was temporary, as well. He kept trying anyway, having to reread a few things to get their meaning. About half an hour after Die had left, a nurse came and told him he was finally being taken out of ICU into a regular room. Within a few minutes, she'd brought in a wheelchair to take him to the new room and gathered up his things for him, transporting him out of ICU. When he got into the new space, he blinked around at the nurses hooking him back up to his IV and giving him food. "My boyfriend doesn't know where I am now." Neither of them seemed to have heard him then he realized he was still using Japanese, that though he understood English being spoken to him, his language skills weren't spitting English back out.

Die spent a good period of time in the shower, scrubbing off and then actually drying his hair. He applied a little eyeliner and then put chapstick on before he wandered off toward the bedroom, grabbing new clothing and the hoodie Kaoru wanted. He picked up a sudoku puzzle book and changed out the outfits in his bag, making sure he had enough for three more days.

Once he was done, he made sure to pet Mako real well and then put him back out, giving him more water. He then made him and Kaoru sandwiches and filled a thermos with iced tea. Tossing in some snacks in his bag, he then left once more, getting in his car and heading back to the hospital.

When he arrived, he found he couldn't find Kaoru in the room he'd been in, someone else in there now. Worry struck him and he rushed to the nurses’ station, asking for Kaoru's room. It wasn't long before the nurse who had been helping Kaoru before found him and took him off to where Kaoru was now, trying to calm his nerves on the way.

Kaoru gave him a little smile when he came in. "I don't have my cell phone, I couldn't tell you they'd moved me." The nursed came into the room with Die and over to Kaoru. "The doctor suggested I should get you up and walking around the nurse station a bit, if you can. Do you think you can try?" Kaoru nodded a little and the nurse helped him sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed, telling him to take his time standing up and not to push himself.

Die put his things down and then laid the hoodie on the end of the bed to show Kaoru he had brought it for him without having to say anything. He put out the food as well and then smiled softly as he watched Kaoru get up.

Kaoru took the hoodie, his IV out for now, and put it on before starting to stand up, wobbling a little. He looked at the bathroom door about ten feet away and started towards it. "Gotta pee." Carefully, he held himself in the door frame and walked into the bathroom, the nurse pulling the door shut behind him. He sat down to pee, still weak, and then managed to get back up and wobbled back out into the room.

Die waited beside the door for Kaoru, making sure he didn't hear him fall or anything of that sort. When he came back out, he smiled softly at him and then murmured softly, "Want me to go with you?"

Kaoru nodded, taking Die's hand and following the nurse out into the hallway and towards the nurse station. "Just tell me when you get tired, OK? We just want to get you moving, not wear you out." Kaoru nodded, holding onto Die's hand with both of his, watching his feet as he took little steps.

Die smiled happily, going along with him. It was okay with him going along with Kaoru and he just walked along with him, making sure he didn't trip without him being able to possibly do something about it.

Kaoru made one lap around the wing before leaning against a wall, shaking his head. He was already a little winded and feeling shaky. Slowly, he made his way back to his room and the nurse set him down, rolling up the hoodie sleeve to reattach the IV, this time with a morphine dosage on a push so that when he needed it, he could have it. "Dr. Roberts will probably be down a little later to check in on you."

Die reached for their food. "He can eat what I brought from home, right?" he asked softly, hoping that would be okay and not too much for him.

The nurse shrugged. "It should be fine, whatever you want." She left again and Kaoru looked over at Die to see what kind of food he'd brought back.

Die pulled out the sandwiches and held one out to Kaoru, wrapped in cellophane. "It's turkey, swiss, tomato, avocado, and some condiments. I also brought iced tea." He gave his lover a soft smile and then poured them two cups of tea, pushing one toward Kaoru on the little table.

Kaoru looked excited. "You really do love me." He took the tea and sipped, reaching for the sandwich and taking a big bite after unwrapping it. "This is so good, pumpkin. Thank you."

Die smiled softly. "Mmm... of course I love you, baby." He yawned a little and unwrapped his own sandwich, biting off some and making a pleased sound. "I'm just thankful the avocados were still okay."

Kaoru ate it slowly, enjoying it, sipping at his tea. When he was finished, he bunched up the trash and put it at the corner of his little tray. "I can't wait to go home... I want our own bed where you can actually cuddle with me and Mako to pet and my things and my comfort and my PJs and not some goddamned hospital gown..."

"Speaking of Mako... the neighbor boy apparently decided that his solution was to leave Mako outside and put the food and water out there with him. I didn't know what else to do, so I just made sure they were full, let him in while I showered, and then back out when I left."

Kaoru frowned a little. "We're lucky he didn't run off. Did he seem OK?"

"Yeah, he seems just like normal Makoto," he murmured softly. "I think he's okay. He just seemed happy to see me."

"I bet he was." Kaoru stretched a little, sighing. "I'm starting to get really bored in here, too. Cabin fever, kind of. Between having felt trapped in my own head and trapped in the hospital, I'm really, really ready to go home."

"I'm just glad you're back with me, baby... I was so worried about you." Kaoru sort of shrugged. "I still feel funny. I... I can't actually speak English yet, but I understand it. But I feel like everything is actually in communication with each other. When I first woke up, it was like all the parts of my brains were functioning, but not together, and I couldn't put together thoughts."

Die made a little face. "I'm sorry. I'll make sure the doctor knows that when he comes up, okay?" He rubbed his arm a little and continued on eating his sandwich, finishing it after a little bit, downing his tea as well.

He nodded, playing with the edge of the sheet. "I had a dream... while I was under."

"What was it about?" Die asked softly, studying his face with a worried look. 

Kaoru kept playing with the blanket, watching his own hands. "That... you and me... were at this ballet recital. For little kids. And at the end, you went up to the stage and gave a little girl a big bouquet of yellow and pink roses, and a little boy with us followed you up and gave her another pink rose. And I knew it was us, and our kids..." He looked back up at Die, his eyes unreadable and swarming with many thoughts and emotions. "I died, didn't I?"

Die stared at him, tears in his eyes from the emotions that Kaoru's dream caused in him. Blinking back the tears, he reached to take Kaoru's hand and squeezed it. "Yes," he murmured softly, still not wanting to think about it. That had been so hard for him and it still scared him that he'd just wake up from a dream and find out this wasn't real at all.

Kaoru's face softened and he pulled Die's hand up to kiss the back of it. "I love you."

Die's lower lip trembled and he ducked his head, trying to keep it all together and not break down sobbing in front of Kaoru like this. It wasn't fair. He needed to be the strong one right then, not this weak version of his former self. Kaoru was the one having a rough time, not him. Kaoru was the one who almost died, not him. Squeezing his hand, he slid off the bed again, letting go, and croaking out that he wanted a soda and he'd be back. In reality, he just wanted out of the room before he lost it.

He didn't even make it but halfway down the hall before he collapsed into one of plastic chair and started sobbing, his face buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking.

Kaoru sat alone and confused, twiddling his thumbs, waiting on Die to come back. It was nearly fifteen minutes later by the time Die came back with two sodas from the machine down the hall, his eyes red and puffy from crying. He plopped down and offered one of the sodas to Kaoru, trying to offer him a smile.

Kaoru took it with a little nod. "Why did that make you so sad?"

He offered him a sort of sad look. "I just... I keep wondering if I'm living some kind of delusional dream right now. After they told me they lost you on the table, I haven't been able to get it out of my head." He looked ashamed at least, knowing Kaoru was still alive and he needed to hold it together for him and be strong. But that still weighed heavily on him and he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with

Kaoru frowned deeply. "I'm here. I'm _here_. I love you, baby, I won’t ever leave you. Even if I die, I won’t ever leave you."

Die clung to Kaoru's hand, his eyes glassy. "If you die, Kaoru... I want you to go where you are supposed to go. Okay?"

Kaoru gave him a hard look. "Which is with you."

Biting his lip, he squeezed his hand tighter and then just closed his eyes, trying to relax.

Kaoru stroked Die's hand, resting his head back on the pillow. A few minutes later, Dr. Roberts came in and pulled up a chair, charts in his hand. "Your biopsy results are back." 

Kaoru could tell by his posture and tone that that wasn't a good thing. His stomach clenched and his fingers gripped at Die's a little harder. Dr. Roberts seemed like he was not in a position he enjoyed just then. "It isn't good. It _is_ malignant." 

Kaoru's face fell and he sank into the bed, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of him. He started to cry, shaking. "I know that this is incredibly hard. The survival rates are rather low and with the complications from the biopsy alone, another surgery really isn't an option right now. However, you're young and strong and healthy and I do think that chemotherapy isn't such a bad option." Kaoru just shook, unable to even think just then, just feeling total dread. "It's something to think about. Not now, but soon. If it is an option you want to pursue, then it would be best for us to start you within the next few weeks, as soon as you really start to recover."

Die looked up when the doctor came in, just peering at him with a soft frown on his face. When he told them it was malignant, Die's face fell about as fast as Kaoru's, his heart pounding in his chest. Swallowing hard, he slid off the bed, pushing his bed out of the way enough to actually stand next to Kaoru's bed, leaning down and pulling his lover  
closer to him and pressing him close to his chest. "How low are we talking?" he asked softly, his voice wavering with fear.

Dr. Roberts sighed, Kaoru starting to quietly panic in Die's arms. "About thirty percent. Typically... it's only about a year. With the chemotherapy, the life expectancy can double, and in about twenty percent of cases, get rid of the cancer. It's low, but it's worth a shot, in my opinion. I personally advocate a combination of chemotherapy and nutritional therapy to repair your body on off weeks. At the very least, it greatly improves the standard of living."

Die nodded, trying to gently rock Kaoru in his arms. But he was having his own issues with trying not to just completely break down. It seemed like if he were being optimistic, he'd have Kaoru for another two years and at worst, could lose him before a year. His mind reeled and he was certain right then that he couldn't just do this on  
his own anymore.

The doctor patted Kaoru's leg through the sheet and stood. "I'll leave you both alone for now." Kaoru was shaking badly, sobbing into Die's chest, clinging to him.

Die nodded, watching him leave and clinging harder to Kaoru, hauling him closer and burying his face in his hair, rocking him a little. "I love you, baby... I love you so much."

Kaoru just sobbed for several long minutes until it started to hurt him head. Pulling away slightly, he looked around for his things. "I have to call my parents, tell Sita. Fuck..."

Die handed Kaoru his phone. "Call Sita. I'm calling your parents. I've been wanting to since the surgery. This is my job." He pulled his phone from his pocket and quietly slipped from the room, going into the hall and dialing Kaoru's father's number, waiting as it rang.

Kaoru nodded, his breath hitching as he dialed the numbers, then realized he wouldn't know how to speak, just texting her his room number and that he was at the hospital and needed to see her.

Tadashi picked up after several rings. "Die-san! How are you?"

Die's voice couldn't help but tremble. "Tadashi... I wish I was calling with better news, but... Kaoru and I need you all to come down here as soon as possible. Kaoru had his biopsy done and well... it came back malignant." By the time he was done, he was already crying, his body was limp against the wall, legs barely supporting him.

Tadashi was confused, brows drawn together. "What biopsy?" But denial did not linger long. With a heavy sigh, he took his glasses off and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I'll call Sachiko and Miyuki and I will drive down now." He was kicking into go mode, pushing away the fear that struck him.

Die let out a little sob and had to cover his mouth with his hand for a moment before he could give out the directions to the hospital and the room number. After a moment, he whispered, "I'm sorry... I wanted to tell you, but he didn't want to stress all of you out if it was benign. I'm so sorry," he let out, tears flooding down his cheeks and his shoulders shaking.

Tadashi's voice was hard, the emotions locking him up inside, feeling stiff and in pain, as though he'd slept on a pile of bricks. "Don't apologize. I know how hard-headed he is. We'll be there as soon as we can." With that, he hung up, pulled himself together, and went to give his wife the news she hoped to never hear.

Die let out a soft whimper, hanging up and then texting Kyo. _It's malignant. Recovery rate is really low. Doc says a year or two._ He sent the text off and then went to swipe a box of tissues from the nurses’ station, blowing his nose and making his way back into the room, tears still pouring down his cheeks.

Kaoru was stony and sullen, sagged into the hospital bed, his hands in his lap. He didn't know what he felt just then, only that it was intense and painful. There were oily tear tracts down his cheeks, but he wasn't currently crying. His hands shook a little and he didn't look up from the spot he was staring at when Die walked in. He felt as though he may have already been dead.

Die didn't even bother with pretenses right then. He just crawled up into the bed with Kaoru, careful to avoid the IV and other lines, just sliding up to where he could wrap his arms around his lover and cling to him. Over and over in his head, he repeated, _Be strong for him. You are the strong one. You have to be._

Kaoru put his arms back around Die, his breath shaking, his lover's touch making him crumble again, sobbing loudly into Die's hair. "I don't want this," he blubbered, hugging Die hard. "This isn't real, I don't want this!"

Die rocked him back and forth, having no idea what on earth to say to him about that. He didn't want it to be real either, but he knew it was. It hurt too much to be a dream. Right then, he just wished he was a more optimistic person, that he could believe 30% was high and that Kaoru would be a part of that. It was what he desperately wanted  
in truth, but he had no idea how to actually turn himself around and think that.

Kaoru's monitor started beeping louder as his heart rate and blood pressure went up. "What do I do? I don't know what to do!"

Die petted his hair a little, rocking even more and then whispering out, "We do the chemo... we hope for the best. Plan for the worst. And live every single day to the best we can." By the time he got it out, he was crying again, incredibly upset by the prospect of losing Kaoru.

Kaoru cried and cried until he felt sleepy, stroking Die's arms. "If it was just me... I don't think I'd do the chemo. My mom went through it, so did my aunt. I don't want that. I don't know if I can take that. But for you, I will. I can't leave you."

Die held him real close, kissing the top of his head every few seconds. "I at least want to try something to keep you around, baby... I can't just leave it at doing nothing."

Kaoru nodded, resting his head on Die's shoulder, his pulse dropping back to normal, slowly. "I'll try... I'm just scared it will do more harm than good. I'll be useless and sick all the time and have no energy and be cranky... I just wonder if it's worth it to be happy and die, or be miserable trying to get healthy and die anyway."

Die gave the wall an incredibly sad look before he closed his eyes, face contorted in agony. "Just try... if it's not doing any good, then you can stop."

Again, Kaoru nodded, curling himself up around Die. "I love you so, so much. More than anything. I don't want to die without being your husband, or having children with you, or making love to you a thousand more times. I want to live the life with you I knew we would have since we first met, and now... it feels like I was believing in a lie. It just doesn't feel fair if this is it."

"No, baby... not a lie. We can still believe in all those things. We can't just let everything go because of this. I won't let it go."

Kaoru turned his head and pressed his brow to Die's, rubbing their noses together a bit and closing his eyes. "I want to fight. I don't want to die, not until I'm an old man with you. I'm just so scared."

Die breathed out softly and then murmured, "So am I... but we can do this." _We have to do this._

Kaoru bit his lip for a moment before leaning in, kissing Die softly, then harder, just needing to feel him.

Die didn't resist at all, not hesitating in returning the kiss, pushing his feelings out through it as best he could, trying to let Kaoru know he loved him and he was there for him.

Kaoru pushed his hands into Die's hair, not even realizing that all his moving around had pulled at the IV and he was dripping blood down his elbow. He needed this too much, needed to feel the love pouring off Die and return it with his own, had to experience this moment for what it was worth in case there weren't many more like it left.

Die let out a tiny little moan, unable to keep it back. Even filled with worry, the lack of contact with Kaoru had been taking its toll on him and he was actually a little bit afraid it was showing through too much. But he wasn't about to pull away when he knew they both needed the contact right then.

Kaoru pressed himself up against Die and kissed him until he had to pull away for air, panting, brushing Die's hair back with his fingers. "When I'm sick and I ask for sex, will you promise to go along with it? I know I'll want it, just to feel close to you."

Die gave him a sad look and then closed his eyes, nodding as he pressed his forehead to Kaoru's. He couldn't deny him that, especially when he knew he'd want it, too. But he knew he'd also end up feeling bad for Kaoru the entire time, feeling like he was hurting him somehow. Like right then, he felt bad for crawling up in the bed the way he was, for desperately wanting the affection they were sharing.

Pulling away again, he glanced down and then muttered, "Shit. Kaoru, close your eyes and keep them closed." The last thing he wanted was his lover hurling on him. He grabbed some tissue and mopped up the blood before yanking the pull cord for the nurse, knowing the IV needed to go back in.

Kaoru shut his eyes, just trusting Die. He hissed when Die patted at the inside of his elbow with the tissue. "Shit, I pulled it out, didn't I?"

“Yeah, you did." He just held the tissue there, waiting on the nurse, locating the IV and holding onto the tubing, making sure to stay away from the needle itself.

A nurse popped in and immediately took notice of what had happened, going over and quickly slipping the IV back in and taping it down with surgical tape. "There. Are you alright?" Kaoru just sort of nodded, keeping his face in Die's neck. "Be careful, alright? You can collapse your vein that way."

Die took the opportunity to toss the tissue away and mop his face up a bit, passing Kaoru a few tissues as well, knowing he probably needed them.

Kaoru laid his arm with the IV, now feeling sore, down beside him, and took the tissues with his other hand, cleaning himself up. The nurse left then alone again and Kaoru drew his knees up, cuddling up in the hoodie that smelled like Die. "Will you please bring me some water? My mouth feels really dry."

Die slid off the bed and moved over to get the water jug, pouring some into a cup and then passing it to Kaoru. He poured one for himself as well and then came to sit back down next to Kaoru.

 

Sipping at the water, Kaoru did his best to calm down. He still felt horribly depressed, but had reached the point where he was numb to it, the fear and sadness being shut out, his body and mind unable to process it. He reached for Die's hand when he was done with the water and laced their fingers, resting back against the bed."Your parents and sister are coming down," he murmured softly, not wanting their arrival to just freak Kaoru out. "I’m not sure how soon though." He squeezed Kaoru's hand, despite it sending a spiral of pain through his wrist. "I love you."

Kaoru rubbed his hand back. "I love you, too, pumpkin." He picked up his phone and went to text Sachiko. "Sachi doesn't need to come down, not that pregnant. She might end up just getting sick..." He pulled her up a text message and sent it off. _Whatever you hear, don't come down. Take care of yourself and the baby._

Die nodded a little. "I didn't even think to tell them that... I'm sorry." He'd been too concerned with Kaoru to think about what would be best for his sister and he felt terrible for that. 

Kaoru shook his head. "It's OK. She'd want to come, anyway, but I'm telling her not to."

Die rubbed his head and then nodded slightly. "I..." he just trailed off, his eyes glassy and his mind floating off in directions even he couldn't really predict.

Kaoru gave Die a look, pulling his lover's hand onto his chest. "You?"

Die shook his head. "I don't know."

Kaoru gave a single laugh. "Neither do I..."

He sighed softly and then just rested his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. "I feel so exhausted," he murmured quietly, not sure why he was admitting it.

Kaoru hummed. "Me, too." He was about to speak again when the door opened and Sita peeked her head around the door. She caught one look at Kaoru and gasped, glaring at Die. 

"You fucking bastard!" She came at him with her hands raised, ready to hit him, but Kaoru reached for her quickly, knowing where her mind had went.

"Sita! It's not like that! Calm down!" She stopped, reluctantly, still glaring at Die then looking at Kaoru.

"What, you're gonna tell me you walked into a door?" She seemed livid, remembering the last time she'd seen Kaoru with two black eyes was when Seung had beat him half to death.

 

"No. I had a biopsy done, they went in through my nose. I have another tumor, and it's malignant."

Sita's hands dropped and she seemed to wilt, mouth falling open. She looked at Die, shaking her head, blushing with shame. "I'm sorry, I thought--" She shut her mouth again and looked at Kaoru, rushing over to him and throwing herself at him in a tight hug. "Ka! What the fuck, why didn't you tell me?"

Die's eyes widened and he immediately sort of backed up from Sita, unsure what on earth was going on, just realizing he was in trouble for something. Immediately he whimpered and lifted his hands up to defend himself. "I'm sorry! I couldn't tell!"

But then Kaoru was talking to her and everything suddenly made sense. He gasped and paled, looking truly horrified. When she apologized to him, he just lowered his head a little, feeling ashamed anyway. "I'm not that way," he murmured quietly, "I'd never..."

Sita turned her head, crying, looking at Die with her cheek on Kaoru's shoulder. "I know, but with the hormones I always wonder if you'd ever snap or something... oh fuck it, it doesn't matter." She sobbed and pressed her face into Kaoru's chest, rubbing his back and his hair, Kaoru crying with her.

Die just looked sort of like he'd been doubly crushed. For anyone to think that he'd do such a thing.... He stood up and made sure he had his phone, wandering off out the door for the time being. He settled down in the hallway and leaned his head back against the wall, sighing softly.

Sita blubbered to Kaoru she was sorry she'd pissed Die off but he just shut her up, both of them crying together for a while.

After a few minutes, Die texted Kyo again, figuring he was possibly asleep and would get the texts in the morning. _Sita came... Kao's friend. She thought I hit Kao cause he has two black eyes from the biopsy. :(_ He sent it off and then leaned back again, wishing like hell he had more people in the world that he could turn to. Right then, he honestly needed someone there for him, but he knew all the people coming would be there for Kaoru. Rightfully, they should be and he knew that. It was just that he desperately needed someone, too.

Die's phone buzzed. It was Kaoru. _Where did you go? Please come back :( I need you here. Just you being in the room makes me feel better._

Die peered down at his phone, seeing Kaoru's message and replying. _I'm just outside... I figured I'd give you and Sita some alone time._ But all the same, he stood up, trying to steel himself to still end up feeling like this was all somehow his fault, and he headed back inside.

 

Sita wiped at her eyes, going over to Die and giving him a hug. "I'm really sorry! I didn't expect it before either, I guess it's hard for me to trust anyone with him... I know you're a sweetheart."

Die quietly accepted the hug, giving a nod and patting her back. "Just know I really wouldn't ever."

She nodded, pulling back and blowing her nose in the tissue she's grabbed from the box before going back to Kaoru side, petting his hair.

Die came to the bed and sat down on the chair next to it, putting his phone away in his pocket and starting to fidget, unsure what to do.

Kaoru reached towards Die, frowning. "Hold my hand?"Die reached up to take his hand, squeezing it, though he looked incredibly lost, just leaning over and putting his head against the bed and sighing softly.

Kaoru leaned down and kissed Die's head, Sita holding his other hand. It felt good just to have people there that loved him.

Die shifted again a little and glanced at the clock. "It's about time for dinner. Would you like me to go get something?" It seemed better than anything the hospital could order for Kaoru.

Kaoru thought about it and then nodded. "Miso and onigiri?"

Die gave an affirming nod, sliding off the chair and getting his bag, pulling out his wallet. After he had it, he leaned in and kissed Kaoru's lips gently. "Mmm... I'll be back as quick as possible." He glanced at Sita. "Want anything?"

Kaoru lifted his head to stay with the kiss just a bit longer. Sita shook her head, obviously not all there just then, her head still reeling from the news. "No, thank you."

He ran his hand through Kaoru's hair and then pulled away, heading out the door and feeling like an ass for needing to leave for a little while. But as soon as he was outside, he felt a bit better. He just needed some air and some time to compute what all was going on.

He got in his car and headed for the place he and Kaoru liked to frequent, wanting to pick up something he knew his lover would enjoy.

Kaoru and Sita sat and talked quietly. About fifteen minutes after Die had left, Kaoru's parents arrived, Miyuki fawning over Kaoru, Tadashi like a stone at her side. Kaoru was glad to see both of them, the four of them all on the bed, talking, alternating between discussing the issue and talking about anything but.

It didn't take Die too long before he had picked up the food and was on his way back to the hospital. On the way, he stopped by a flower shop, picking up some calla lilies for Kaoru's room, thinking them appropriate. He spent some careful time on the card, writing out his love for the other.

Once he was done, he came back to the hospital, taking the flowers in their crystal vase up to the room along with the bag of food. He slipped into the room, trying to be quiet about it rather than disrupt Kaoru, Sita, and his family. He placed the vase on the table next to Kaoru and then settled his food out as well, along with a cup of hot tea. His own food was set aside for later, not wanting to disturb anyone with his eating.

Kaoru watched the big vase of flowers come in, smiling softly and reaching to squeeze Die's wrist. "Thank you, baby." Tadashi patted Die's back, sighing heavily, slipping his arm around the young man's shoulder. It was as though he and his wife had switched personalities, Miyuki letting down her guard to give her son the love he needed just then, and Tadashi cutting his usually open self off, unsure of how to deal with all this.

Die was almost relieved at the comfort of having Tadashi patting his back and putting his arm around him. He didn't even hesitate in putting his arms around him and clinging to him. He knew it wasn't the most manly thing to do, but right then, clinging to someone who had to feel as strongly about this as he did, felt like where he needed to be. His lower lip trembled and he pressed his face against Tadashi's shoulder, tears threatening to overflow.

Tadashi hugged Die back, hard, crushing him to his chest. "Anything you need," he whispered in Die's ear, "anything, just ask. We'll help out."

Die let out a soft sort of sob, his arms tightening around him. "I'd like you guys here for a few days... if that's at all possible," he whispered.

Tadashi stroked Die's hair, nodding. "Of course. We'll stay until he's safe at home, alright?" 

Die nodded and curled his arms more around him for a minute longer before he finally let go, having to mop up his eyes up. "Thank you," he murmured quietly, still looking lost.

Tadashi didn't let Die go, keeping him in a hug while Miyuki put the tray over Kaoru's lap and put the food Die had brought him onto it, breaking his chopsticks apart for him as if he were just a little boy again. Kaoru blushed and thanked her, leaning to kiss her cheek before starting to eat the mushroom and green onions out of the soup.

When Tadashi didn't let go Die just put his arms back around him and buried his face in the older man's shoulder, allowing himself the time to quietly cry there, knowing he was in caring arms and that it was okay to let himself cry the way he needed to.

Kaoru glanced over at them, biting his lip before continuing to eat, finding that he was starving. Sita sat and stroked his hair, talking with Miyuki about Sachi and her pregnancy. Tadashi finally let Die go, cupping his face and wiping his tears away with his thumbs. "Everything will be OK." He didn't sound sure of that fact, but there was so much hope behind it, like a prayer.

Die sort of sniffled and tried to nod when Tadashi spoke with him. He rubbed over his eyes and then touched Tadashi's hands with his own. "Okay," he murmured. "I really hope so."

Miyuki turned and grabbed Die's hand, tugging him over towards the bed to sit beside her. "Come here."

Die slipped away from Tadashi and came over to Kaoru and Miyuki, still looking a bit like he was going to break down crying again. He truly felt terrible, like he could do something else if only he tried harder.

Miyuki sat Die down in front of her on the bed, rubbing his back. Kaoru reached to pat Die's hand, pausing with his food. "I love you," he whispered softly, seeing the strain in Die, already feeling like a huge burden.

Die just sort of leaned into the touch, his eyelids fluttering closed. "I love you, too, Kaoru... so much," he whispered out in return. The hands on his back felt so good.

Kaoru leaned up, touching Die's face, wanting a kiss.

Die opened one eye and then leaned in to gently kiss Kaoru on the lips, making sure it was sweet and gentle so he didn't disturb the people in the room. Pulling back, he ran his hand over Kaoru's cheek, stroking at it lovingly.

Kaoru put his hand over Die's, holding it to his face. He was surrounded by the people that loved him most, given strength by them, hoping that with their support, he might actually get through whatever hell was coming his way.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	66. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-author: lumineaux_xx (gold_scarlette) - apparently they deleted their AO3 account, so that's who the orphan_account is.  
> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan, Mohini, mazotori

The remaining days in the hospital had been difficult for Die, though they were eased by Kaoru's family staying with them. Die didn't have to leave as often to go get things and when he did, he felt better about it because he didn’t have to leave Kaoru alone. He'd spent several hours texting back and forth with Kyo, their conversation making him feel a little bit better throughout the entire ordeal.

By the time they released Kaoru, Die was grateful that they were leaving the hospital. He just wanted to go home where he could rest somewhere in the house rather than sit in a cold plastic chair all day. His nerves were frayed and he was desperate for another shower. But as he helped Kaoru up the pathway to their house, he could feel the new worries set in. Fears that he wouldn't be able to get things done the way he needed to or that he'd mess something up.

Sighing softly, he tossed the keys on the counter and knelt down to scoop up Makoto who had dashed in after them, snuggling the puppy close to him. Die moved the dog's food and water dishes back in from outside once he'd put him down, making sure the dog was comfortable as well, figuring Kaoru probably had a destination inside the house in mind for heading off to first.

Kaoru shuffled off to the bathroom, starting the shower while he relieved himself. Leaning on the counter, he stripped down and then sat down in the shower stall under the spray. His parents had already gone home, promising to return next weekend.

Die wandered around, going out front and picking up the mail, bringing it back inside, and then going to the front and carefully changing out Kaoru's offerings, ensuring there were fresh things on the little altar. Once he was done with all of that, he slipped into the bathroom, peering in at Kaoru and then murmuring softly, "Do you mind if I join  
you, baby?"

Kaoru shook his head tiredly and waved Die in, reaching for the shampoo. "Help me wash up?"

Die slipped his clothing off and then slid into the shower. Keeling next to Kaoru, he took the shampoo from him and gently made sure his hair was wet before starting to lather up Kaoru's hair. "How are you feeling?"

Kaoru purred, leaning into Die's touch. "Headache. Tired. Kind of sore. OK, I guess, all things considered. I'm really glad to be home." He lifted his hand and touched Die's wrist, rubbing his arm.

Die smiled softly at him and then leaned his head back to rinse out the shampoo. Continuing on with the conditioner, he gently started to massage his scalp along with it.

Kaoru closed his eyes and leaned back into Die's chest. When Die had rinsed the conditioner out, he turned his head and reached back to touch his lover's face, trying to tilt enough to kiss him.

Die peered at him and then leaned down to peck his lips, stroking over his hair a little before he pulled back and soaped up a cloth with Kaoru's favorite shower gel. He began to clean him off, his touches gentle, his eyes dark with the pleasure of being able to help Kaoru in such an intimate manner.

Kaoru relaxed into the touches, turning his head to kiss softly at Die's neck. When he was nearly clean, he grabbed Die's wrist, pulling his hand to his groin. His body was too worn out to achieve an actual erection, but he was half hard, wanting some kind of comfort from intimacy with Die badly.

Die gasped softly, studying Kaoru for a moment, a little confused what he was supposed to do. He wanted Kaoru desperately, but he was also afraid of doing anything because Kaoru was exhausted. But then... if Kaoru didn't want something, he wouldn't be being so forward with him, he supposed.

He gently grasped him, stroking him for a few moments before he murmured, "Let me get cleaned up and then we'll go to the bedroom, okay?" He ran his hand over the other's cheek, smiling softly at him.

Kaoru gave a little hum, nodding. He pulled himself up with the washcloth handle and rinsed off, stepping out of the shower so Die could get clean and drying himself off, putting on his silk robe and going into the bedroom, having to leaning against the wall. He crawled into bed and let Makoto come cuddle with him while he waited for Die, wallowing in their sheets.

Die made a really fast job of washing off, determined not to take too long, but still be clean. Once he was done, he dried off and came to the bedroom, slipping into bed next to Kaoru and reached for him, curling up against his body. Die was happy he could at least be this close again.

Makoto scooted off, not wanting to get right in the middle of them when they needed time together. Kaoru pressed himself up against Die, burying his face in the other's neck and breathing deeply. "Mmmm, I feel so much better just being home, getting to actually lay next to you in our bed, in our house... I feel a lot saner."

Die nodded a little. "Me too... I didn't like the hospital at all. And I know you didn't either." He kissed Kaoru's head gently, closing his eyes and just trying to forget his worries for the time being. "I love you, baby."

Kaoru pulled Die closer, kissing his jaw. "I love you, too. You know that. You mean so much to me."

Die smiled softly at him and then tilted his head up a little more to kiss at him easier. "What do you want right now?" he asked quietly, sure he could do whatever it was for Kaoru.

Kaoru sucked at Die's lower lip for a moment before pulling back. "I just need to be with you. I want to feel I'm still wanted. I feel like my body has had an expiration date put on it..."

Die frowned softly and shifted over him, pushing between his legs and petting over his hair while he kissed along his jaw and then made his way down his neck, making soft little sounds of pleasure.

Kaoru pushed his hands down Die's back, feeling the muscles along it, the dip of his spine, closing his eyes and purring at the kisses, his legs parting to let Die between them. Die just continued down his body, making quiet sounds of pleasure as he went. After a few minutes, he was at Kaoru's cock, gently taking it into his mouth and sucking, his eyes on his lover's face.

Kaoru put the backs of his hands against his forehead, sighing when Die took him into his mouth, his eyes slipping shut, body arching up and then relaxing down against the bed.

Die's eyes sparkled and he looked back down at what he was doing, bobbing his head diligently over his lover's cock, hoping to get a full response from him.

Kaoru slid his hands over his own torso, down, into Die's hair, gripping it. His body simply wasn't strong enough to achieve a full erection, but that certainly didn’t stop it from feeling amazing.

Die continued for a few minutes before he shifted upward, kissing over Kaoru's tattoo and then shifting his attentions up even more, carefully kissing over his entire torso and then starting down one arm. He didn't go fast. Instead, he was gentle and soft.  
Ensuring the other was happy with what he was doing.

Kaoru bit his lip, closing his eyes, trying to put all his focus on wherever Die was kissing at that moment and bring that sensation into his whole body. When his lover's lips, traced over the inside of his elbow, he slid one leg up suddenly with a little gasp, the tenderness from the IV making it both sore and somehow very alive with erotic nerve-endings.

Die gently nuzzled the area, making sure not to hurt his lover. That was the last thing he wanted to do. This was supposed to be slow and sensual, something to relax Kaoru and give him what he needed.

Kaoru started purring more, his other arm coming up to hold Die to him, tracing over his back and into his hair. "Nn... even the littlest touches feel so good."

Shifting a little bit again, Die moved down to press kisses over his other arm. He was horny as hell, but for once he wasn't letting it push him to do anything in particular. Right then, he just wanted to show Kaoru he loved him.

Kaoru began to pant softly, his skin tingling hot all over. He felt cherished in a way Die had never expressed before. He knew that Die had felt this way intellectually, but what Die was doing to him now, allowed something else. That knowledge could break through all his insecurities and self-doubts and become an actual understanding, that Die loved him just as much as he loved the other, making his chest swell with love, little sighs leaving him. 

Once he was all the way down to Kaoru's fingertips, he moved back over him, gently nuzzling at his neck, kissing there ever so softly. The words he whispered were caring and loving, built to relax his lover even more.

Kaoru was practically melted into the bed, his legs spread, pulling his lover closer and closer to him. All he could get out was "please, please" but he honestly wasn't sure what exactly he was pleading for.

Die slipped his hand down between them, grasping Kaoru's length, starting a slow rhythm with it, hoping maybe this was what his lover wanted.

Kaoru's head arched back and he clawed gently at Die's shoulders, pulling him down to nibble at his ear. "Take me. Please, I need to feel you inside me."

Die shifted just a little bit, slicking his fingers with his own saliva before tugging on his ladydick. A moment later, he shifted close enough to manage to guide just the tip of himself inside Kaoru's body. It just felt like the more intimate thing to do right then and  
he didn't want to ruin the moment all by getting up to get his strap-on.

Kaoru bit his lip in a little smirk, his lover's dick rubbing at the sensitive bud. He wrapped his legs around him and put one arm around Die's neck, the other hand going down to squeeze Die's ass and pull them tightly together, kissing him deep and slow.

Die let out a little groan, finding it harder once more to not just sprint forward at breakneck pace. He'd gone without since Kaoru had gone to the hospital and he felt like he was going to explode already, just feeling Kaoru at all.

Kaoru clung to Die, trying to open himself up; all the pain, all the fear, but most importantly, the overwhelming gratitude and love for having Die there to comfort him through it, and the intense sense of belonging and connection he was experiencing in that moment.

Die clung to him, kissing him back and trying hard to keep himself from getting out of hand too quickly. He pressed closer, just barely moving his hips at all.

Kaoru was lost in his own little world for a little while, feeling loved and wanted, easing himself off the fears he'd been plagued by over the last week. As he finally came back fully into the moment, experiencing both of them, it was clear to him that his lover, not unlike himself, was wanting more. With a little chuckle, he nibbled Die's lip, lacing his fingers in the red hair. "Fuck me hard, baby. I wanna know you _want_ me."

Die let out a soft whimper, his eyelids fluttering lightly, eyelashes wisping across cheekbones. His hips moved a little faster, his body straining, abdomen clenching as he pushed toward his orgasm, knowing it wasn't going to be very long.

Kaoru just held on, stroking his back and squeezing his ass, moaning in his ear. He had already gotten what he needed from this, now it was Die's turn, his lips edging the redhead's ear, teeth grazing his neck.

It didn't even take him another five minutes before he reached his end. He pushed against Kaoru harder and shuddered. A low moan slipping free of his lips as he came, gushing out across the sheets beneath them and his body pulsed with wave after wave of pleasure.

Kaoru found himself laughing when Die's hot cum gushed all over them, warm and sopping wet on the sheets. He didn't know why, it just tickled him. Once he had started, he couldn't stop. Kaoru hugged onto Die and laughed loudly, having a little fit of the giggles to compliment his joy at least being home after all the bullshit of the past several days.

At first, Die just blushed, feeling a little odd about Kaoru laughing like that. But once he was sure the other was just having a bit of a laughing fit and not laughing _at_ him, he allowed himself a blushing smile, ducking his head a little.  
Kaoru calmed down and hugged Die tightly, tucking his chin over Die's shoulder. "Hnn, I love you."

Die rubbed at his back a little. "I love you, too," he murmured, just holding him for a moment before whispering softly, "Do you think you can get off tonight?"

Kaoru shook his head. "I got what I needed."

Die kissed his neck gently and then shifted a bit. "I should probably change the sheets," he murmured, looking a little embarrassed.

Kaoru chuckled softly, crawling off to the edge of the bed and getting up, finding that he was now weak as though they had fucked wall-to-wall. Carefully, he sat on the bench at the end of the bed, catching his breath.

Die shifted around, getting the covers stripped off and then quickly changing them, not taking his time at all with it. He was in a hurry to get Kaoru a nice place to lay back down on. Once he had the pillow cases and the bottom sheet on, he gestured at the bed. "Go ahead and lay back down, baby."

Kaoru smiled, crawling into bed, whistling once. Once he did, there was the sound of little clawed feet on the floor as Makoto came rushing in. Makoto jumped up on the bed and went for Kaoru, wagging his tail excitedly while Kaoru pet him vigorously and cuddling to soft little dog against his chest. Makoto was getting bigger and bigger by the minute, it seemed. Soon enough, he would hardly even be a puppy anymore.

Die chuckled, finishing up with the bed and then he crawled up on it, yawned a little and curled up beside his lover. "God damn, I am freaking tired... I can't even imagine how tired you must be."

Kaoru cuddled up with Die, lifting Mako up onto Die's stomach so they could both snuggle with their dog. "I'm wrecked. But feeling better right now that I have all week. Nap, and maybe go to a diner when we wake up?"

Die smiled softly and then nodded. "Sure, it'd be nice to go out for a bit." He gently stroked over Makoto's fur, enjoying the company of the puppy. But after a minute, he sniffed, and then wrinkled his nose. "Dog needs a bath."

Kaoru waved it off, snuggling up with his little man and Die. "Later. Sleep now..." He hugged Die around the waist and kissed his neck before slipping into sleep, happy to be home.

Die stretched a bit and then yawned, nodding. "Later indeed." Closing his eyes, he started to let himself drift off to sleep.

It was late in the evening when Kaoru woke up, yawning and stretching, his head aching some. He sat up and rubbed carefully at his eyes, looking down at Die and frowning, as he noticed that he'd had a slight nosebleed in his sleep and there was a dark crust of blood on Die's shoulder. Grabbing a tissue from the night stand, he licked it to wet it and dabbed at the blood, trying to clean his lover up without waking him just yet.

Die was down for the count, completely and utterly exhausted. And even when Kaoru touched him, he didn't stir, just continued snoring gently, his breathing deep and even.

Kaoru cleaned Die up and then carefully went into the bathroom to wash his face of the dried blood. He came back into the bedroom and started to change, taking about three times as long as he should have, his body sore and weak. Once he was dressed, he sat down on the edge of the bed beside Die and shook him gently, leaning down to kiss him. "Baby," he cooed, "Baby, I'm hungry."

Die blinked himself awake when Kaoru started to kiss him. Smiling a little, he yawned and then rubbed at his eyes. "Okay," he murmured, "let me get dressed and stuff." Getting up, he moved over to grab some underwear. Then, he wandered off toward the bathroom to take a leak.

Kaoru bit his lip in a smile at how cute Die was when he first woke up. He sat on the bed petting Makoto, who was still sleeping lazily on top of the covers, while he waited for his lover to get ready.

Die came back in after washing up and found his red jeans and then one of the shirts Kaoru had gotten him in Japan. He pulled the clothing on and then quickly finger combed his hair. He turned around and smiled, "Ready?"

Kaoru nodded, putting out a hand to be helped up. "Yeah. How does Denny's sound?"

"Sounds fine to me." He reached out and pulled his lover to his feet and into his arms, holding him close. "Love you, baby."

Kaoru gave a little sigh, wrapped his arms around Die. "Adore you."

Die made a funny face at the realization of what he forgot and then gently made sure Kaoru could stand on his own, before moving to get his packer into his pants. While Die did this, Karou slipped on his lover's hoodie again.

Once he had adjusted himself, he did his pants back up and then came over to Kaoru again, looping his arm around his waist, and then heading off toward the back door.

Kaoru leaned on Die partly because he had to, but mostly because he wanted to, putting his flipflops on at the door and then carefully taking the stairs down into the yard.

Die did the same, helping Kaoru and not minding in the least. Once they were at the car, he carefully helped Kaoru into the passenger seat and then closed the door, going to the driver's side and crawling into the car.

Kaoru pulled the sleeves of the hoodie over his hands, getting the big pair of sunglasses he kept in the glove box of Die's car out and putting them on to cover up his bruises. He'd just look like another drunk tonight, he guessed, but it was better than looking like he'd gotten knocked out. "I think you and I should make a list of priorities. Not now. But soon, within the next few weeks. Things we want to really invest in and get done, either before I die, or to make sure we actually do them after I get better."

Die pulled out and was already on the way by the time Kaoru spoke up, almost giving him a heart attack. He bit his lip, trying to not get all overly emotional again. He knew they needed to talk about this sort of thing, but he was really sort of dreading it, too. "Yeah... I guess we should," he murmured.

Kaoru reached over and put his hand on Die's knee. "I know it hurts... but we can't put it off. If I don't make it, I don't want either of us to have any regrets, OK?"

"I know... I just... yeah," he let it go, knowing it had to be done and there wasn't a choice. He wanted to say that it would be hard, wanted to be honest about it, but he wasn't sure he could just blurt that out.

Kaoru squeezed Die's knee again, leaning to kiss his shoulder. "I love you. I just want to make sure I don't leave you feeling like we wasted any time."

Die nodded a little. "I don't feel like we have, for what it's worth."

"Me, neither," Kaoru replied in a low voice. "I just really hope we've got more than two years left together...."

"I hope so, too..." and he really hoped that those two years wouldn't be spent in constant fear and worry, lacking everything else.

Kaoru fell quiet, rubbing his thumb on Die's knee as they drove, taking comfort in just being able to touch Die, to feel his warm presence.

They arrived at Denny's and Die parked as close as he could and then went around to help Kaoru out of the car. Smiling softly at him, he held out his hand, moving so that Kaoru could use his arm to help him up if he so chose.

Kaoru did, stepping out of the car and holding onto Die's arm, snuggling up next to him.

Die closed the door behind him and then wandered off toward the entrance, making sure to move slow enough for Kaoru. Once inside, he asked for a table for two, figuring it would be easier for Kaoru sit at a chair than slide into a booth. They were led to their table and he held out Kaoru's chair for him.

Kaoru blushed a little and sat down. "I think maybe I can get used to being sick for a little while, at least. You're being such a gentleman." He smiled and picked up the menu, flipping through it. When a waitress came by, he asked for water with lemon to drink, a veggie burger all the way, with green beans and a garden salad. He was starving and in the mood for greasy food, but the nutritionist had advised him to try a mostly plant-based low-fat diet to keep his body as healthy as he could through the chemo.

Die scooted Kaoru's chair in and then smiled softly at him. "I guess I just end up lax sometimes." Sitting down himself, he crossed one leg over the other and then ordered a strawberry lemonade. With that done, he quickly chose his food, not having really had time to look yet. "Um... Moons over my Hammy, please." The waitress wandered off,  
going to get their drinks.

Kaoru laughed. "Moons over your Hammy? What does that mean?"

Die pointed at the menu item. "Right there. It's a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich."

Kaoru looked, nodding. "Cute name or a manly sandwich."

Die laughed and nodded. "Yeah, definitely." He stretched a little and then smiled when their drinks were dropped off. "Thank you," he murmured before taking a sip of his drink.

Kaoru pushed the sunglasses farther up on his nose and sipped at his water before pouring some balsamic vinaigrette over his salad and started to eat at it, spearing a cherry tomato and holding it out towards Die.

Die leaned over and took the tomato, hungry, but still waiting on his food. He chewed the tomato and then swallowed it, sitting back and studying the other people around them.

Kaoru ate quietly, chewing his food well, trying to listen to his body and see what was going on. He knew he was tired. He knew he felt like it didn't have enough to be strong right now, which he assumed was because most of his energy was going towards healing from the biopsy.

It took a while, but finally the rest of their food arrived and Die immediately dug in. He took a huge bite out of his sandwich and moaned softly, looking a little embarrassed at the sound that had come out of his mouth.

Kaoru smirked at him, finishing his salad and then going on to his green beans, saving the burger for last. When he finally got to it, he added some ketchup and mustard, cutting it in half before picking it up to eat.

By the time Kaoru got to his burger, Die was down to the last few fries, having shoveled his food down. He had been starving. Smirking a little, he watched his lover.

Kaoru ate in little bites, taking sips of water in between, his feet sliding across the floor under the table to tangle with Die's, crossing his ankles at the back of one of Die's as he was prone to sometimes do.

Die smiled at the action, slipping off one flipflop to gently caress Kaoru's leg with his foot before settling it back down and just watching him, his eyes dark and almost unreadable.

Kaoru blushed, continuing to eat so as not to draw attention to them, enjoying the little bit of affection. He flicked his eyes up at Die and gave a tiny smile, finishing his meal and his water. "What now? Did you want to do something else, maybe?"

"Want to share a slice of cherry pie?" he asked softly, unsure if Kaoru could have it or not, but sort of craving it himself. He knew it was bad for him, but he wanted it anyway; a rare treat.

Kaoru wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "You get it though, baby. If you want it."

Die just shook his head, not wanting to get it if he had to eat it all himself. He'd just have something when he got home. Maybe there were still a few cookies in the pantry or something. When the waitress came by again, he asked for the check and then finished off his food. Kaoru shrugged, playing with his straw and fishing out a piece of ice, chewing on it. Once Die received the bill, he paid for it in cash, leaving an okay  
tip. Standing up, Die offered Kaoru his arm, smiling a little at him.

Kaoru licked his lips and stood, hugging into Die's side. From a table of college aged boys he heard some rather sharp whispered insults. He simply stuck his tongue out at them, keeping his hold on Die as he headed towards the door.

Die decided ignoring them was not what he felt like doing right then. Gently leaving Kaoru to rest against the wall near the exit, he let out a short, "I will be right back." He turned and marched right back over to the teenager's table. He made a quick decision on what he'd do, trying to decide if he'd play nice or just give them a good tongue lashing.

Feeling rather riled up and rather pissed about someone insulting Kaoru while he was in such a state, Die walked up to the table and placed both hands on the end of it, leaning in with a dark, dangerous look in his eyes. "Care to make something of your insults? I'd just _love_ to take this outside," he hissed out. The tone of his voice held no room for misunderstandings, it was clear he was sincerely pissed right the fuck off.

 

One of them gave Die a shocked look, as though surprised he hadn't just turned around and left. "Calm the fuck down, dude." He went back to soda, laughing with his friends, squeezing in under his breath, "this fucking faggot...".

Kaoru crossed his arms tight over his chest, glaring after Die, not finding anything gallant in this at all. "Daisuke!" he snapped. "Come on!"

Die reached across the table, taking the kids shirt in hand and hissed at him, "How about you try picking your targets a little more carefully? If you think it's sick that two men are together, you obviously have zero comprehension of what love actually is." Shoving the other's shirt back, thus pushing him back in his seat a little, he glowered at them all for a few more seconds and then stalked off back toward Kaoru.

A moment later, he had Kaoru and he was heading off toward the car, his teeth gritted.

The other guys at the table decided to hold their friend back and not take action, making him calm down as Die left. Kaoru clung onto his lover's arm and tugged at him when they got to the car, making him lean back against it and rubbing his sides. Kaoru looked at him over the rim of his sunglasses with concern. "What the fuck was that about baby?" His hands pet up and down Die's sides, trying to sooth him. It always scared the hell out of him when Die got mad.

Die let Kaoru do what he wanted, okay with him pushing him back against the car and talking to him. "I just... they have no right to talk to you that way."

Kaoru sighed, leaning his head on Die's shoulder and hugging him. "I love you, but sometimes you're just a dumb boy." Pulling away, he gave Die a quick kiss. "Let's go home. I think I can manage giving you a blowjob to make your ass relax, alright?" 

Die flushed a little and pulled back from him, unlocking the car and then heading off toward the driver's side. Kaoru sighed and got into the car. Getting in, Die started the car and locked the doors. He was not going to allow whatever he said to the teenagers to be taken out on Kaoru if the idiots inside decided to come after him.

Kaoru was quiet for the first several minutes of the drive. After a while, he reached over and squeezed Die's hand on the gear shift. "Thank you for buying dinner, baby."

Die sighed softly and then nodded. "I'm sorry I got into it with them, it's just... there's this thing that I just can't let it go when people do that."

Kaoru leaned to kiss Die's arm. "You just have to. You can't go fighting every person that calls you a faggot. It isn't worth it, and it isn't safe. You'd be fighting your whole life if you did that."

"It's just so wrong!" Die let out, confusion in his eyes. "It's unfair."

"I know it is, but it solves nothing to get violent." Kaoru sighed and stayed hunched over the console, snuggled up next to Die. "When we get home, I'll make you cookies. The dough I bought should still be good."

"I debated actually trying the super nice routine, but I'm too peeved to be nice about it." At the cookies comment, he smiled a little. "Thanks, but you don't have to."

Kaoru rolled his eyes at Die. "I want to! I want to still be useful while I can. Besides, it's just opening the pack, cutting the dough into slices, and baking them. I think I can handle it."

Die let out a little sigh and then nodded. "Alright... fine. Thank you."

Kaoru smirked and kissed his shoulder. When they got to the house, he got himself out and slowly made his way up the porch and into the house, going straight for the fridge and finding the cookie dough, preheating the oven and getting out a cookie sheet, a knife, and a cutting board, starting the slice the dough, which was sugar cookie dough with a chocolate flavored swirl.

Die wandered into the house, letting Mako out into the back yard and watching him until he was done doing his business. Then he let him back in, smiling softly and going off toward Kaoru, putting his arms around his waist and watching him.

Kaoru smiled, blushing softly, leaning back a little into Die's embrace as he laid the cookies out on the sheet and then moved away from him for a moment to put the left-over dough back in the fridge. Tossing the knife in the sink, he put his arms around Die's neck and gave him a long kiss. "I'm starved for affection today for some reason... tell me if I get clingy."

Die just shrugged a little, holding him gently. "I'm okay with you being clingy, so don't worry about it." He grinned and patted Kaoru's sides a little, trying to resist patting his backside.

Kaoru pressed himself up close, putting one hand in Die's hair and pulling him into another kiss, melting into the feel of Die's lips.

Die let out a soft moan and then shivered a bit. He really liked kissing his lover like this.

Kaoru's fingers moved over Die's scalp and he teased his tongue along the edge of his lover's lips, getting up on his toes to be closer to him, kissing him hungrily.

Die let out a little moan and then pushed closer, kissing him just as desperately. He loved the way Kaoru tasted, adored it in fact. Kaoru let Die back him up against the counter, scrambling up onto it and pulling his lover between his legs, grabbing his shirt to get him closer, shoving his tongue into Die's mouth. He was panting, breathless, and the oven was done preheating, ready for the cookies, but he couldn't care less just then, wanting only to be with Die.

Die whined a little, confused by how Kaoru was pulling him close like this. Pulling back enough, he then took hold of Kaoru's lower lip and then nibbled on it, swiping his tongue over it and then sighing softly as he pulled back and stroked over Kaoru's hair.

Kaoru panted, still holding onto Die. After a moment, he slipped off the counter and pushed past to put the cookies in the oven. "I think I'm horny... I just can't get hard. I feel like we've switched places and now I'm the one that's all over you."

Die watched him go, biting his lip at the comment. After a moment, he murmured, "I think I'm not all over you because I'm trying really hard to not be my usual nagging, horny-ass, self."

Kaoru bit his lip in an oddly sexy expression considering how worn out he looked and grabbed Die by his shirt again, pulling him over. "And when it's me being nagging and horny?"

Die laughed softly and then shivered a little. "Mmm... well.. when you're doing it, I find myself trying very hard to not just jump your bones right where we're at."

Kaoru reached around and squeezed Die's tiny ass, fondling at it. "I don't see what's keeping you."

Die groaned softly. "Then you just sit right there and I'll be back in a moment."

Slipping away, he wandered off to the bedroom, getting his strap-on out and then quickly stripping off, putting on the strap-on, and then grabbed his pants and pulled them back on, letting his cock stick out.

Coming back in, he smirked happily as he advanced on Kaoru, a bottle of lube in his hand. "Hey, baby... guess who's ready to play?"

Kaoru purred happily, reaching down to stroke at Die. "Mmm... good." He slipped off the counter and down onto his knees carefully, grasping the plastic cock at its base and looking up at Die as he sucked the head into his mouth and then began sucking it like a pro.

Die let out a whimper when Kaoru started going down on him, his eyelids fluttering as he let himself get into it. He put his hand on Kaoru's head, pulling at his hair a little.

Kaoru took hold of Die's hips, slowly starting to deep throat Die's cock, being loud about it and really playing it up for his lover, wanting to rile him up and hopefully maybe even get him off. Die's hips jerked a little bit and he groaning out, throwing his head back and arching into his lover's touch. "Oh, god... Kaoru."

Kaoru chuckled in the back of his throat, sucking at Die and using his tongue as if Die could actually feel it. He moaned a little, shoving it all down his throat and squeezing Die's ass.

Die arched toward Kaoru, sort of fucking his mouth a little. After a minute, he gently pushed Kaoru away. "Up. I want to fuck you."

Kaoru pulled away from Die, making a popping sound as he came off his cock, standing up and putting his arms around Die's neck, kissing him sloppily. "How do you want to take me?"

"Turn around, pull your pants down, and hang onto the counter."

Pulling away, Kaoru opened his jeans and pushed them down his thigh, his body seeming to have done well with some sleep and some food, his cock nearly full mast. Turning around, he leaned on the counter with his arms under his chest, knowing he'd need a good bit of support, and lifted his ass up high.

Die groaned at the sight, more than happy to see Kaoru responding to this. Reaching out, he swatted Kaoru's backside, smirking at the sound his palm made against flesh. Grasping both globes in his hands, he spread him apart and then knelt behind him, examining him and then leaning in, gently licking.

Kaoru purred at the hands on his ass and then gave a surprised yelp at the tongue, rising up on his toes for a moment before relaxing, resting his forehead on the counter with a soft moan.

Die chuckled a little behind him and then licked at him a little harder. "Mmmm," he let out softly.

A shiver ran up Kaoru's spine. He couldn't believe Die was doing this, part of him thought it was disgusting, but the rest of him just thought it felt fucking good. His breathing quickened into pants and he spread his legs a little more.

He lapped over the area, wiggling his tongue a little before he spit on him a little, being as quiet as possible about it. Standing back up, he shifted behind Kaoru, getting him where he wanted him and then pushed inside with a groan. "Oh god, baby... so tight," he murmured.

Kaoru let out a shout when Die entered him. Honestly, he liked the pain. It made him feel present and like he could still take this, like nothing, even for just a little while, was wrong. He arched back into it, moaning. "Nnn... I love your cock, baby!"

Die shuddered a little and then started up a slow pace with Kaoru, trying hard to make Kaoru feel really good about what he was doing. "It feels so good in your tight ass," he murmured.

Kaoru let out a mewl at that, reaching back and grabbing Die by the hair, twisting until he could just barely reach him to kiss him, his eyes glassy with lust. "Fuck me like you own me."

Die let out a soft growl into Kaoru's ear, leaning in and kissing him. Immediately he started to push in a bit more vigorously. "You're so gorgeous," he let out.

Kaoru grabbed Die's ass and dug his fingernails in, growling back. "Harder. Fuck me harder."

Immediately, Die changed his pace, holding Kaoru's hips forcefully as he started to pound into him, not even trying to hold back or be gentle. He just wanted to fuck, to bang Kaoru's brains out against the counter, to make his lover cry out from the pleasure of it. "Like _this_?" he panted out, "You like it like this?"

Kaoru sobbed with how good it felt, how taken and claimed this made him feel. "Yes! Fuck, like this..."

Die slid one hand around, grasping Kaoru's cock and stroking it, glad to feel it so hard. He let out a groan and shoved in harder. "Slut," He growling the word, before brushing a tender kiss over Kaoru's shoulder.

Kaoru let out a moan that was like a sigh, the word going straight to his cock. He didn't know where the switch was or why it was there, but there were times when he wanted to be treated like garbage during sex, like an object. To be called a slut was incredibly hot in that moment, with Die still plowing into him.

"Are you gonna cum for me, my precious whore?" Die hissed out, his eyes dark with excitement and pleasure. "Are you?" A few more thrusts. "Spray your hot load all over the kitchen cabinets?"

Kaoru clenched his ass around his lover, gripping the counter hard. He shook his head, looking back at Die with a smirk. "Not until you've gotten your use out of me."

Die smacked Kaoru's ass, letting out another sort of snarl. "You _will_ cum before me. Good sluts always do." A few more pounding thrusts and then he was jerking him off rather frantically.

Kaoru let out a shout, his back arching, head falling back onto Die's shoulder, holding himself back away from the counter just enough to not trap his cock in between. He clenched his ass tight, moaning loudly as Die fucked him stupid, his toes curling and his fingers around the counter edge gripping hard as he let out a scream and lost it.

Die let out a loud groan, feeling Kaoru spill. "Fuck, baby, oh yeah, all over the fucking place!" His hips moved even faster, his breath panting out harshly. "Oh god... oh yeah... fuck," he sucked in a gasp and then slammed in hard, muscles spasming as he started to cum, warmth flooding the crotch of his jeans.

Kaoru was shaking, his face flushed. He grabbed Die's wrists and pulled his arms around him. "Stay inside me, please. Just for a little while."

Die sort of leaned against Kaoru, his legs like jelly. But he knew with the cabinets, it was okay. "Mmm... of course, baby."

Kaoru hugged Die against his back, feeling the fake cock still hard inside him, keeping his arousal fairly peaked. He turned his head and pressed his cheek to Die's shoulder.   
"Can I ask you something weird?"

"Mmm?" Die murmured out softly, sort of nuzzling his lover a little. 

Kaoru blushed. "I... I like being cum in, and cumming in you, because it's a claiming thing... so since you can't do that..." He blushed darker, looking at Die. "Will you spit in my mouth?"

Die tilted his head a little. "Just spit or do you want me to get your cum and do it?"

Kaoru bit his lip with a little smirk. "Whichever one makes you feel like it makes me more yours."

The redhead slowly pulled out of Kaoru's body, turning him and then crouching down, licking what little cum was left on Kaoru's off and then standing up, directing Kaoru gently by his hair until their mouths connected. He pushed the cum in, swirling his tongue over his lover's.

Kaoru hopped up on the counter when Die turned himself around, reaching down to grasp Die's cock as he tasted his own cum on his lover's tongue, slipping Die back into him, not ready to feel empty just yet. He left his mouth open, waiting for Die to spit into it, wanting that sense of degradation and being owned.

Die let the other's cum tease along his tongue, sharing it with him. Once he was sure Kaoru had most of it, he moved back a little and murmured, "Swallow."

Kaoru pulled away and did just that, pulling Die closer with his legs around his waist, feeling the ever-hard length shift inside him. "I could fuck you for days, baby... I'd let you fuck me until I passed out, and then you'd have permission to keep going."

A gentle smile curved Die's lips. "Mmm... I think... I need a little tiny rest." He let out a little chuckle. "You sure you didn't take my pills instead of yours?" he teased.

Kaoru laughed. "No, I didn't. I guess... this has just made me want to make the best of the time with you I can have while I'm well enough to have it." The oven dinged and he reached over to turn it off. "Will you get the cookies out and just set them on the stove, pour us a glass of milk and then... just stay inside me a while?"

Die slipped out of him and pecked his lips. "Go wait in the living room for me." With that, he moved off to do as Kaoru asked, grabbing a mitt and pulling the cookies out of the oven, putting them on the top of the stove.

He poured two small tumblers of milk and carefully moved a few cookies to a plate to cool there instead.

Coming in with the plate and two glasses, he put them down on the coffee table and then settled on the couch, spreading his legs. "Come sit on me."

Kaoru went and settled on the couch, smirking at Die. He climbed over into his lover's lap and sank down on him with a soft groan, leaning to kiss him, running his fingers through his lover's hair. Reaching behind him, he grabbed a cookie and a glass of milk, talking a little bite and a sip before kissing Die again with a little of both in his mouth.

Die let out a soft chuckle and gently kissed Kaoru back, stealing the cookie from him and then swallowing it, feeling a bit like a little bird. He shifted a little and put his hands on Kaoru's hips. He wanted to ask how Kaoru was feeling besides randy, but he didn't, not wanting to wreck the mood.

Grinning, Kaoru offered Die to the rest of the cookie, spreading his knees a little more to sink further down on Die.

Die took the cookie and quickly polished it off before he took Kaoru's hips and gently moved him around, arching up into him and then shifting his hips, seeing if Kaoru liked a certain place any better than another.

Kaoru gave a long moan, his eyes falling shut, enjoying his lover’s attention.

Die let out a soft chuckle and nuzzled against Kaoru's neck, kissing there while he continued on his gentle exploration down below. Kaoru set the glass of milk down and just let Die play with him, needing the contact just then, not really horny as much as starved for touch.

After a few minutes, Die moved on to gently moving Kaoru back and licking at his nipples. He knew the other didn't really like them touched or played with, but sometimes he just craved doing it anyway.The feel of a hard nipple against his tongue was something he adored and he figured if it bugged Kaoru too much, the other would let him know.

Kaoru just kind of laughed, petting Die hair and letting him do what he wanted, putting his full weight into Die's lap. 

Once he'd gotten his fill of Kaoru's nipples, he moved on, nuzzling up under his chin to lick and suck at his Adam's apple, actually starting to thrust a little bit more into his lover's body.

Kaoru's head fell back, straining, letting Die do whatever he wanted with his throat. The thrusts were very welcome and he let out a rather feminine sound of pleasure, his hands gripping at his lover's shoulders.

Die sucked on the patch of skin he had until he'd left a red mark behind. Satisfied with it, he left it alone and moved on to teasing just under his ear, full-on thrusting now, seeming a tiny bit desperate.

Kaoru kept making noises, bouncing along with Die's thrusts, soaking up every bit of the attention and contact. It was thrilling and made him feel somehow validated in a way it hadn't quite done before.

Die let out a soft groan and shifted them so that he was sort of half on top, Kaoru against the arm of the couch while he thrust into him, moaning quietly as he claimed the other man's mouth.

Kaoru's legs fell apart and he reached to hold onto the arm of the couch, the back of it, anything, making louder and louder noises, just taking it however Die would give it. "Nnn, fuck, I love you so much!"

"I love you, too, baby," he panted softly, planting light little kisses all over his lover's face, itty bitty sounds of pleasure falling from his lips the entire time in complete contrast to the pounding he was giving Kaoru down below.

Kaoru wrapped his legs around Die's waist and hung on, kissing his lover hungrily. He didn't think he would come again, he wasn't hard anymore, but it still felt so amazing to be taken by Die, to have his lover on top of him, taking him.

Die's pace didn't slow down or even let up in the least. Groaning quietly, he kept up the pace, not faltering at all, hoping to give Kaoru as much as possible out of all of this.

Kaoru's eyes slipped shut and he sagged over the arm of the couch, flopping a little with each thrust while he brought his hands up into Die's hair. "Cum, baby, please cum for me!" 

Die let out another moan, desperately trying to get off. It took him another few minutes before he came. This time the orgasm was smaller, though not any less satisfying. With a little groan, he settled down against him and let out a soft sigh.

Kaoru purred, just toying with Die's hair, letting him rest and catch his breath.

After a minute, Die shifted, looking at up at Kaoru and smiling softly. "Do you want something?" he asked, wondering if the other wanted him to do something to him to help him get off.

Kaoru gave a little smile and shook his head, hugging Die. "Just you, forever and ever."

Die chuckled. "That... you already have." Slipping backwards, he pulled out and undid the strap-on, letting it fall to the side before he slid back against Kaoru.

Kaoru wrapped his hands around to Die's back, petting the ink, tracing his fingers over the branches of the cyprus etched into his lover's skin. "Mmmm, you've worn me out now, baby!" He laughed a little, kissing Die's hair.

Die blushed a little. "Hey... don't blame me, you were asking for it." He pecked him on the lips and then gently tugged him up. "Bath?"

Kaoru sort of blushed, letting himself be pulled to his feet. "Maybe just a quick shower. I really am exhausted now."

Die carefully wrapped his arm around his lover's waist, helping him off toward the bathroom.

Once inside, he quickly turned on the water for him, making sure it had time to heat up before he ushered Kaoru inside and then stripped off the rest of his own clothing, following a moment later.

Kaoru got under the water and groaned happily, rinsing more than really washing.

Die slid up to him and gently kissed his cheek before he moved to grab a loofah and put some shower gel on it, lathering it up.

Kaoru got himself rinsed off and then stepped out of the shower after giving Die's flat ass a little smack, shuffling into the living room to put the cookies and milk away and then bringing Die's strap-on into the bathroom, starting to clean it.

Die hummed to himself, carefully washing off. He yelped a little at the smack, but smirked. He was in an incredibly better mood after having gotten that much sex, his body sated and not screaming at him that he needed to do something about his horniness.

About the same time Kaoru came in with the strap-on, he was stepping out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his body and starting to dry off.

Kaoru washed off the strap-on with soap and hot water, having to sort of jerk it off to really get it clean. When he was done, he left it on the counter to dry, grabbing his robe and hugging Die around the waist, kissing his cheek, before shuffling off to let Makoto out to go to the bathroom again while he put down some food and water for the pup, letting him back inside once he was done with his business.

Die hung around, watching Kaoru and then padded after him through the house, trying to look like he was just heading in the same directions.

He ended up with a tumbler of vodka, downing it rather quickly while he watched Kaoru put the food and water out for Mako and then let him back in. Finishing it up, he rinsed the glass and put it in the drainboard.

Kaoru went off into the bedroom, it was nearly midnight, and took a pair of Die's underwear and one of his t-shirts, putting them on and crawling into bed.

Die padded along after him, ditching his towel in favor of his red silk pajamas. Once he was dressed, he slipped under the covers next to Kaoru, flicking off the lamp on his side and snuggling in. "Goodnight, baby."

Kaoru plastered himself against Die, pressing his face into his lover's neck. "Oyasumi, love."

 

**To Be Continued…**


	67. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta Readers: cadkitten, tcharlatan, Mohini
> 
> Please excuse any mistakes, this didn't have the usual pass worth of editors, just a portion of them.

The days had become progressively harder ever since Kaoru's return home, mostly due to the fact that Die had actually been going to bar tending school and then taking the exam. With his license in hand, he had gone to look for work, knowing he needed to both be there for Kaoru and be able to make money for them while his lover was on medical leave.

Three days of application submissions later, he had received a call for an interview at one of the more renowned gay bars downtown. He'd walked away with a job for three nights a week, from four in the evening until three in the morning. The pay itself was terribly low, but the idea was with how attractive he was, he could probably earn himself a good amount of tips to make up for it.

Coming home from the interview, he picked up a burger and fries for himself and went by the grocery to get some sushi for Kaoru. He was simply hoping it was on his diet, unsure if it was, but knowing for certain that it would be at least appreciated if nothing else.

Slipping into the house, he called out to his lover. "Kaoru?!" his excitement was clear in his voice.

Kaoru, who had been suffering from rather severe headaches lately, was high as kite to kill the pain, sitting on the couch in pajamas and Die's hoodie with a book and Makoto's head in his lap. He turned to try and see through the kitchen to where Die had just walked in. "In here!"

Die headed through to the living room after ditching his boots next to the door. He came to Kaoru, settling down on the couch next to him. "Guess who has a job?"

Kaoru let out a sharp cry of excitement and started clapping, Makoto taking off, startled by his sudden giddiness, looking at him like he was crazy. Kaoru leaned over and gave Die a hug. "Yay!"

Die arched an eyebrow at him and then laughed softly, leaning in and hugging him back. "Mmm... I suspect you're high."

Kaoru pulled back and pouted. "I had to, my head was killing me, I was in tears."

Die shrugged. "No, I know. It's fine." Pecking his nose he settled back. "So... I'm working at Crystal... you know that huge gay club downtown?"

Kaoru gave a surprised face, snuggling up next to Die, tossing his book onto the coffee table. "You'd better take a stick to beat those boys off you with. They're pretty notorious for hitting on bartenders."

"Yeah... well... that's sort of the point I guess. They told me to dress sexy, possibly skimpy to get more tips." He made a little face. "I can't promise I won't have to flirt to get my tips, but I do promise I won't do anything more than that."

Kaoru kissed Die's shoulder. "I know you won't... you're the world's best boyfriend."

Die patted Kaoru's back. "Fiancé." He smiled a little. "I start Friday."

Kaoru squeaked at Die calling himself his fiancé. For whatever reason, Kaoru still couldn't get it into his head to call Die that, but it felt good to know that's what they were. He gave a little nod at when Die was going to start and then looked at the food bags Die had brought in with him. "Want to watch some TV together? I've missed you today..." He shifted so that he was snuggled more on Die, hugging him around the waist.

Die nodded a little. "Sounds good. I brought food. Just need to get drinks from the kitchen." He handed over Kaoru's bag and put his off to the side.

Kaoru took his bag and snooped inside it, purring at the sushi. "I made iced tea! Hibiscus and green with agave. It's in the sunflower pitcher in the fridge."

Die wandered off toward the kitchen, going to get two glasses of the tea. Bringing them back, he settled down on the couch again, crossing his legs and dragging his bag into his lap, rooting around and pulling out the fries to start munching on.

Kaoru flipped on the TV and found a rerun of a cop drama he and Die had taken to, leaning on Die's side and putting his feet on the coffee table, eating his sushi slowly, obviously very stoned with the way he was enthralled with the show despite the fact they'd both seen this episode twice. Once he was halfway done with his sushi, he leaned his head briefly on Die's shoulder, muttering, "I love you," before going back to the food.

Die smirked a bit at Kaoru's behavior, just letting it happen. Licking his lips, he returned the sentiment and then offered him a single french fry, dangling it in front of his lips.

Kaoru stared at it and then opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, trying to pull it in with the pink muscle.

Snorting a little, Die pushed the fry into his mouth and then leaned back, digging out his burger and unwrapping it, starting to munch on it.

Kaoru finished the sushi and put the empty tray down, finishing off his tea, as well, and curling up more with Die, trying not to get in the way of his eating. The idea that he might have very limited time left had made him incredibly affectionate, appreciating the smallest little things Die did in a way he was perhaps too jaded to before. He hoped one day he'd have to words to really tell Die how grateful he was.

Die shifted a little bit and then murmured, "Got any left?" He could only hope Kaoru knew what he was talking about.

Kaoru just blinked at him for a while and then caught on. "Oh! You mean do I have any more weed? Yeah." A slow grin crept across his face. "Why? Want me to get you stoned?"

Die finished up his burger and then nodded. "Yeah... I kinda do." After all, they'd only told him about five times that they didn't do drug tests.

Kaoru looked very pleased and stood up, shuffling off into the bedroom and coming back with his little box, setting it on the coffee table. "Do you want me to roll a joint for us to share? This shit is really strong, you won’t need much. Sita got me the good shit so I wouldn't feel like my head was exploding."

Die shrugged a little and then nodded. "Whatever you think." He crossed his legs and then leaned back, stretching.

Kaoru gave a nod and pulled out a rolling paper, opening his canister of weed and putting a small bud into the grinder. He then sprinkled it into the paper and rolled a tight joint, sealing it with his tongue and twisting the ends, lighting it and sucking at it to get it started before passing it on to Die.

Die accepted it after watching Kaoru's motions. Taking a hit from it, he wrinkled his nose a little and then let it out. "How much is a little?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Go slow. Just puff on it. When you start to feel it even a little, you're good."

"Okay." He ran his hand through his hair and then waited a moment before taking a tiny puff. He let the smoke out through his nose and peered over at Kaoru. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

Kaoru laughed a little, hugging onto Die's arm. "Me, neither. But I like it."

He took a few more short puffs before he started to feel the effects.

After a few moments, he handed over the joint, breathing out the last bit of smoke from his lungs.

Kaoru took the last of the joint and flipped the TV to Planet Earth in hopes it was okay for Die to watch stoned. He then took a hit and put the joint out, putting all of his things back in the box. Exhaling the blueish smoke, he leaned back into Die's side, snuggling there.

Die let out a soft sound and reached up to run a hand through his hair. "Mmm..." he muttered, having no idea what he was going to say a moment before. It just didn't seem to matter anymore.

Kaoru laughed, petting Die's arm gently with the tips of his fingers. "You're so adorable when you're high."

Die leaned back on the couch, his eyelids fluttering a little. "I can't believe I actually got a job so fast... makes me happy."

Kaoru purred happily, continuing to play his fingers along his lover's arm. "You're hot stuff, baby. Anybody would want your sweet ass bringing in customers."

Die let out a soft laugh. "Mmm... I have to be careful what I wear. I filled the application out as male. If they find out I don't have a dick yet, they'll fire me on the spot, I'm sure."

Kaoru frowned, cupping Die's assisted bulge. "It sucks that there's still a lot of transphobia in the gay community."

Die arched up into the touch with a little hum, yawning a little before murmuring, "Yeah... but at least you accept me. And Fea and Kyo do, too."

Kaoru kissed Die's chin, still fondling his packer. "More people would accept you, too, if they just knew you."

Die pushed up a little more, the weed making him not care so much about holding himself back for Kaoru's sake. Instead, he just let himself feel like it was actually his own cock, as though it were full of nerve endings and able to get harder.

Kaoru smirked slightly at the reaction, rubbing more, splaying his fingers out over Die's crotch. The tattoo on his ring finger now had a new meaning, to conquer the cancer as well as the addiction, and for now, even if in a sense of denial, he felt stronger and determined to do it. In the mean time, however, he wanted to take full advantage of the opportunities he had, which included having as much sex with Die before the chemo as possible. "Does that feel good, baby?"

He arched up into it a little more, his arms draped over the back of the couch, hands holding the cushions a little. "Yeah," Die murmured, rocking his hips into it, causing his lady dick to rub against the back of the packer.

Kaoru shifted, putting one leg over Die's thigh, kissing his lover's neck and rubbing harder, down to press at his pussy through his jeans, then back over his plastic cock. "Do I make you hard, baby?"

Die let out a long groan. "God yes... can you feel it? I'm aching, baby," he purred out, his hands coming up to bury themselves in Kaoru's hair. Tugging him close, he held his face close to his own, tongue snaking out to lap over his lips, ensuring he wasn't letting their lips actually touch.

Kaoru closed his eyes and breathed heavily, gripping Die's cock through his jeans. His tongue came out and touched the end of Die's.

A low rumble filled Die's chest before he shoved his tongue against Kaoru's, sliding his over his lover's and then twirling it around it. "Fuuuuck," he let out after a moment, his hands pulling at Kaoru's hair. "Suck me. Want that mouth on my dick."

Kaoru let out a slutty whine and got down on his knees, moving slower than normal, but more than eager. He opened Die's jeans in a rush, fishing his packer-cock out through the slit in his boxers, wrapping his hand around it with a moan and leaning in to lick over the head before sucking it into his mouth. 

The way his lover was eager to please him in such a manner made him more than a little aroused. His hands loosened in Kaoru's hair enough for him to move, but not much else. Little happy sounds poured from parted lips, the sounds more masculine than usual, Die unafraid in his current state to change his natural voice down a few octaves.

Kaoru worked the cock diligently, a ripple running through him at the sound of Die's deepened noises of pleasure. He started to deep throat his lover, wondering if this could really get him off, if the thought of it, really, alone could send him over the edge.

Another rumble of a moan left Die, his head falling back against the sofa. "God yes... just like that, baby."

Kaoru worked a bit faster, keeping rhythm and holding onto Die's balls to make sure he didn't embarrass them both and accidentally pull the packer out of Die's boxers.

Die's hips arched, one hand coming down to press over Kaoru's, trying to tell him to push a little harder there. Whimpering softly, he rotated his hips, watching his cock slip in and out of Kaoru's mouth. "God damn, you look so damn right with a mouth full of dick, baby."

Kaoru pressed harder, moaning loudly when Die told him that. It was as dirty as Die had ever spoken to him and it felt amazingly raunchy. His pace became more frantic, wanting Die to cum, and loudly.

Pushing down a little on Kaoru's head, he watched with slitted eyes while the other blew him. It wasn't very long before he could feel everything clenching up inside. Arching harder, he could feel his thighs trembling, his abdomen even clenched tight. A moment later he was over the edge, a ridiculously guttural growl-like moan leaving him. Warmth spread between his legs, wetting the crotch of his pants, but he couldn't bring himself to care right then.

Kaoru purred when Die came, pleased with himself. He was hard in his pajama pants, but it wasn't urgent. He was happy enough just to have brought Die to such peaks. Slinking back up his lover's body, he kissed him hard, getting up into his lap.

Die let out a soft groan and sort of turned into a puddle of goo against the couch. "Did it taste good?" he asked him, his mind still not feeling embarrassed to ask such a thing.

Kaoru bit his lip, nodding. "Very. I love your cock, babe."

Chuckling softly, Die stroked over Kaoru's hair a little. "C'mere... I want you to straddle me." 

Kaoru did so, kissing Die harder, snarling a hand in his hair.

Die let out a soft whine into the kiss, pressing his body closer against his lover's. Turning them over on the couch, he planted Kaoru firmly under him, fondling his dick through his pants. "I'm gonna fuck myself on your cock, baby... so hard."

Kaoru made a little oomph, smirking up at Die and bucking his hips slightly. "Nn, do it, baby. I wanna watch you ride."

He leaned down, kissing him hard before he pulled back and stood up, stripping off his pants and underwear, putting his packer on the table. Plopping back down on Kaoru, he pushed his pants down and then held his dick, slowly sliding down onto it. Smirking, he settled and then started moving, plunging up and down on him, moaning happily.

Watching his lover with dark eyes, Kaoru held onto his hips, hissing as he slid down over him and began to move. His hips gyrated with the thrusts, trying to hit different angles, loving the texture. His fingernails dug into Die's skin and tore into it, clawing at him. "Fuck, I love you!"

Die let out a lovely string of moans, plunging down and twisting his hips before pulling back up, doing it over and over. "I love you, too, baby... so much."

Kaoru reached up and grabbed Die by the hair, yanking him down towards him to kiss. "You're so fucking sexy, you know that?"

A smirk spread over Die's face. "Mmm... no, you are."

Kaoru laughed softly, clawing more at Die's hips, wanting to leave marks, especially if he was going to be getting hit on a lot at work. His knees came up and he planted his feet, thrusting up into Die as best he could.

Die groaned. "Fuck yeah, baby... shit." He rode him like a champ, his head thrown back while he moved. "Your cock feels so goddamn good inside me."

Kaoru clawed his hands down Die's chest, groaning. "Feels fucking amazing inside you." One hand went to Die's cock, the other around his neck, squeezing lightly. "Are you going to cum for me again?"

Die let out a gasp and then blushed. "Y-yes, I will!" he let out, whimpering as he moved with him.

Kaoru bit his lip, squeezing harder, rubbing his thumb in circles around Die's dick. "I'm gonna fill you up, bitch. I'm gonna make you leak with fucking cum."

Die whined and then shivered. "Yessss," he hissed out, "I want you to, baby. Please. Please."

Kaoru nodded, closing his eyes and trying to focus, keeping a steady pace. He focused on Die's movements, trying to find his end, wanting to leave Die's insides stained with his seed.

Die strained against him, helping him still with the bouncing on his dick. Rolling his head back, he pushed a little into Kaoru's hand around his neck, enjoying it for what it was; a simple spur of the moment action.

Kaoru squeezed even harder, closing off Die's air, his body tense as he got closer and finally over the edge with a loud moan, pumping his hot cum into Die.

Die made a little gurgling sound, somehow the combined feeling of Kaoru cumming inside him and the sudden lack of hair and helpless feeling all added up to Die's orgasm. He flailed wildly for a moment and then grabbed hold of the back of the couch, squeezing hard, his eyes rolling back as his body began to spasm around Kaoru's dick.

Kaoru let go as soon as he started to feel Die spasm, falling limp back against the couch, sated and exhausted.

Die sort of collapsed against him, curling up and clamping his legs on either side. "Hnn... I forgot how good that could be," he murmured, his voice a bit raspy.

Kaoru chuckled breathlessly, holding onto Die. "It has been a while, hasn't it?"

He nodded a little and then settled down, resting his head against Kaoru's chest, listening to his heart beat. "Mmm.... your skin is so soft," he murmured.

Kaoru snickered. "You're so stoned." He pet Die's hair for a while, just enjoying being next to him for a while. "We'll have to figure out some arrangement when I start the chemo so that you can get yours. I think you'd go crazy without sex."

Die bit his lip a little and then nuzzled his face against Kaoru's chest. "Mmm... I'll just masturbate more. Actually, I was also thinking of maybe lowering the dosage a little on the T.. not a lot, but maybe take half pills instead of full... I dunno."

Kaoru grabbed Die's hair and pulled to make his lover look at him. "Don't you dare do that. Jack off, sure. But don't back down on the T. We'll figure something out." He craned his head down and kissed Die's brow, letting go of his hair.

Die blinked at him a little blearily and then sighed softly. "But I thought it might help me not be so much of a bother. I mean I've read about chemo and what it does to your energy." He tilted his head.

"We'll both be making enough sacrifices. You don't need to give up part of yourself like that, too."

Die just nuzzled Kaoru again. "What else is there? I mean... I'll drive you fucking crazy."

Kaoru shook his head. "No you won’t. We'll find other ways. Don't stop taking the T, at all."

He heaved out a little sigh. "Okay... you promise I won't drive you nuts? I mean... when it's just touching myself, I have to do it more and... that'll be... a lot."

Kaoru clamped a hand over Die's mouth. "Shhhhhh, we'll get there when we're there."

Die made a little puffy face against the hand on his mouth, blowing against it after a moment. But all the same, he just nodded and then settled down again.

Kaoru amused himself playing with Die's hair for a while, twisting it around his fingers. He loved it's texture, still soft despite all the dye his lover dumped in it. After a while, he just wrapped his arms around Die's shoulders, hugging onto him. Blinking, he focused on a sensation he was feeling on his thigh. He chuckled a little. "Honey, I think you're leaking jizz on my leg."

Die was half dozing off by the time Kaoru spoke again. He blinked himself into full wakefulness again and then grunted, shifting his hips a little. He was, in fact, definitely leaking jizz on his lover.

Laughing a little, he moved down against him, purposely smearing it there even more. "Mmm.... yes, apparently I am."

Kaoru laughed loudly, popping Die on the ass. "Want to share a bath?"

He grunted at the spank and then nodded a little. "Sure..." he mumbled, "With bubbles?"

Kaoru nodded, sliding out from under Die. "Sure, baby, with bubbles." He wiggled himself into an upright position, climbing off the couch and wandering off toward the bathroom. He started making the bath, dumping in some bubble bath that said vanilla brown sugar on the label, watching as it started to foam up.

Kaoru stripped down and lit some candles and incense, turning off the lights and hugging Die from behind.

Die smiled at him, taking his remaining clothes off and then moving to get into the water, testing it with a toe first before climbing in and then holding out his hand for Kaoru.

Kaoru took it and sat down in the water facing Die, giving a soft grin and starting to rinse himself, putting the hot water all over his skin with a relaxed sigh.

Die plopped down and then slid down as far as he could go, just lounging there, sort of slack jawed, like he had no cares in the world right then.

Kaoru watched Die, smiling softly, lounging the other way, leaning to miss the spigot, and putting one foot on either side of Die's waist. "I got an email from Kyo earlier today, just asking how I was doing." There was also something else included with the email, but he'd share that with Die later. "Told me to tell you hello."

Die didn't move from his position, just giving the ceiling a bit of a weak smile. "Yeah, I guess he's been really busy." After a few texts that either hadn't gone through or Kyo hadn't replied to, Die had stopped pestering his friend with how he was feeling and what was going on. After all, he knew there was only so much one person could deal with another dragging them down. Instead, he'd started focusing on finding a job and ensuring he was thinking as little as possible about Kaoru's possible impending doom.

"Tell him I said hi back." It seemed more reasonable than starting to text Kyo again after stopping for a purpose, he supposed. Shifting just a little, he sank down just a tiny bit more and then settled once more.

Kaoru splashed Die a little with his toes. "I will." Gathering up some bubbles, he put them on top of his head in a little cone and settled back.

Die cracked one eye open and then peered at his lover, snorking a bit before he closed his eyes again with a soft hum.

Kaoru just relaxed, as well, enjoying the quiet company and the warm water. It was nice to be able to do this, to relax, to breathe, to be together peacefully. It was moments like this that made him certain he could and most definitely wanted to be with Die for the rest of his life.

Die just allowed his thoughts to stray, letting them float off into nothing. It was the first time he'd been able to do that in quite a while and he was just glad that his decision to smoke a little weed with Kaoru wasn't turning into a bad decision. Truth be told, the pull of this nothingness was relatively strong and he understood how people became addicted so quickly.

When the water started to cool, Kaoru shifted and lay over Die, kissing his jaw and hugging him for a little bit. "I'm going to go lay down and read. Don't get too pruney, okay?" He kissed his lover again and then carefully got out of the tub, wrapping up in a towel and going off into the bedroom.

Die opened his eyes to peer up at Kaoru and then nodded. "Okay. I won't." He smiled softly, watching Kaoru leave the room. He spent a few more minutes relaxing before he finally got up and dried off, letting the water out of the tub. He went to the sink and washed up his face, putting some moisturizer on before he headed off into the office to go check his email.

Waiting for him was an email Kyo had sent Die after writing to Kaoru.

_Hey buddy. I hope you're doing alright. I'm always thinking about you, I promise as soon as I get the chance, I'll come spend a while with you two again. I can't wait to see you when Fea and I come through with the tour. I miss you a lot. Sent your boy a present of sorts for you two to share, too. Hope you don't mind. I'm pretty sure you won’t. I've been up to my eyes in work, but you're always on my mind. --Kyo_

_PS: Here is some information I found the other night when I was researching brain tumors. Hopefully some of it might be helpful. I pray for him every day._

Following was at least twenty links to medical research websites, nutritional therapy overviews, case studies of the Gerson treatments, and sites discussing chemotherapy.

Die responded quickly after he read the email.

_Kyo,_

_Thanks for the links. I'll look at them. Kaoru said you gave him something, didn't say what though. Suppose I'll find out at some point. Hope you're not working TOO hard. Tell Fea hi for me, too._

_Die_

He sent it off and then clicked on a few of the links, settling in to read up on what all Kyo had found.

The information was extensive, from staunch insistence that a clean, raw diet of plants was the natural cure for cancer, to basic information for the loved ones of patients going through chemotherapy. 

Through the links, Die found one community for people who needed support because their loved ones were battling cancer. He glanced at the door to make sure Kaoru wasn't there before signing up for it and then bookmarking the link. He figured it was better than bugging people he knew in real life.

Sighing softly, he moved back to other links, continuing to read for quite a while.

Kaoru, plowing through his latest book in the bedroom, ended up falling asleep, laying on Die's side so that he could smell his lover's pillow, Makoto curled up at his feet.

Die eventually got up, coming to the bedroom and smiling at Kaoru on his side of the bed. He gently covered him and then went to grab a cookie and a glass of milk.

Makoto perked up and jumped off the bed, following Die into the kitchen. He sat at Die's feet and looked up at him with his cookie, tilting his head, one ear flopping over.

Die chuckled softly at the dog, reaching to get a little bowl and then poured some of his milk into it, putting it on the floor for him to lap at. "Yeah.. I'll give you some luvin', too. Is milk a good luvin'?"

The dog gave a little bark of excited approval, putting his nose in the bowl and licking it clean in hardly a minute, looking up at Die when he was done and licking the last of it off his nose.

Die snorted at him and finished his cookie and then his milk, picking up his bowl and then going to wash it out along with his glass. He patted his leg. "Wanna go out? Yeah?" He headed for the back door, seeing if he'd come or not.

Makoto trotted up next to Die, pushing his head against Die's leg like a cat wanting to be pet.

Die grinned at him and then opened the back door, going out on the porch and sitting on the step and grabbing a cigarette from the pack on the railing. He lit it and then reached for Mako, stroking over his fur a little, completely unworried that he was currently butt-ass naked.

Mako made a little happy noise at the pet before going off into the bushes between their house and the one at the corner, tinkling under the leaves and then going around to the back side to poop. When he was done, he ran around and sniffed for a little while before returning to the porch, sitting down at Die's feet before curiously jutting his nose towards Die's crotch, as any dog will do.

Die gave Mako a little push back from his crotch, rolling his eyes. "I'm not a dog, man... no need to sniff there." He patted his butt to get him to sit down and then started petting him a little, finishing up his cigarette and then just leaning back against the railing.

Makoto put his head on Die's knee instead, giving a little puppy sigh.

Die snorted a little at the sigh and rubbed Mako's head, tugging a little on one ear. "Silly pup... no need to be huffy just cause you can't stick your nose in my crotch. I love you all the same."

Makoto closed his eyes, making a little sound at the rubbing. An older man from down the street came down the alley with his trash can to put at the side of the road, but didn't seem to see Die, wearing a light jacket. It was starting to get colder at night, signalling autumn coming on full tilt.

Die's eyes followed the older man, his head tilted a little. He'd forgotten about trash day and it seemed he definitely needed to take the trash out. Giving a little sigh, he waited until the man was back in his house before getting up and going back inside, grabbing his PJs and then some slippers, going around and collecting the trash up, taking the two bags out to the can and then dragging the can to the curb.

Makoto followed along faithfully, barking at an alley cat by one of the other trash cans, chasing it off and then prancing around in a circle proudly.

Die clapped at him to get him to come over. "Don't chase the cats, hunny. They have as much right as you do." He rubbed his head a little and then headed back toward the house, ensuring the pup was following.

Slipping inside, he replaced all the trash bags in the house and then washed his hands, plopping down on the sofa.

Makoto stopped to get a drink of water from his bowl in the kitchen before galloping into the living room, diving up into Die's lap.

Chuckling, Die tugged the dog into a position he'd be okay in and then started playing with his ears, just sort of absently staring at the altar and the prayer beads Kyo had given him on his visit to their home. Maybe it was well past time he actually started in on this prayer stuff. After all, it was for Kaoru, not for him, and that seemed to make all the difference in the world.

Makoto was docile, letting himself be pulled around however Die wanted.

After a few minutes, Die got up, gently putting the pup on the floor, going over and lighting a stick of incense before settling down, holding the prayer beads that Kyo had given him. He sat on the floor, his eyes closed and the beads in his hand, starting on one bead and making his way around them, praying in various ways for Kaoru to pull through all of this with the least amount of suffering possible.

Makoto, curious, but sensing not to be bothersome, sat himself down by the tokonoma, laying with his head on his crossed front paws, snoozing.

It took him a good hour before he'd gone though all the beads. Getting up, he bowed to the altar and then moved off to the kitchen, getting an orange, a few spices, and some uncooked rice, bringing them back and putting them on the altar. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to offer exactly, but he was sure this would work if it was supposed to  
be food items. With that done, he bowed once more and then went off to the bedroom to check on Kaoru.

His lover was still asleep, hugging Die's pillow and snoring very softly.

Die smiled a little at him and then moved away, heading back toward the office and sitting down, going right back to reading on his computer, hoping to find something to occupy his time while Kaoru napped.

It was about another hour before Kaoru woke up, coming sleepily into the office and smiling at Die, kissing the top of his head. "It feels so good out tonight. I want to pack a picnic and go to the cemetery. Is that okay?"

He peered up at his lover once he came into the room, nodding a little. He had quickly moved to a tab with search results for blenders on it rather than the tab he'd been using for the support forum when Kaoru had come into the room. "Yeah, that sounds great."

Nodding, Kaoru went to get dressed, throwing on a tight pair of black jeans and an equally tight black t-shirt with a deep V, pulling on Die's leather jacket over that (he had developed an affinity for wearing Die's clothes), and pulling on a pair of knee-high boots, tucking in his jeans. He went into the bathroom to put on concealer over his fading bruises and then smudge black around both eyes, feeling like he had defeated the purpose of covering up the bruises, but it looked better than the greenish color the black eyes had gotten. He teased his hair up a little so it wasn't just limp, feeling like if they were going to picnic in the cemetery, he should Goth-up a bit, if only to make himself feel better.

Heading to the kitchen, he found his picnic basket and started putting finger foods into it; fruits, cheeses, crackers, some baby carrots, etc. He grabbed a handful of chocolates from the little basket of sweets he kept out for Die on the counter and then put a bottle of wine and a corkscrew in the basket, as well.

Die saved what he'd been doing and then shut his computer down, heading into the bedroom just as Kaoru left it. He pulled out one of the new pairs of cargo pants Kaoru had gotten him, a lovely black pair with some red accents. For his shirt, he went with a long-sleeved red fishnet, certain he was going to have to start dressing a little more... loudly... for his new job. He borrowed a collar Kaoru had with some spikes on it, latching it around his neck before he put on his black combat boots and then headed off to the bathroom to do his hair and put on some eyeliner.

About half an hour later, he was done, grabbing his smokes, lighter, wallet, keys, and cell phone. Feeling like it was a possibility, though he sort of doubted it, he put a small bottle of lube in one of the cargo pockets along with a small red vibrator. With that all done, he headed out to the living room, grabbing the white leather jacket that matched the black one Kaoru was currently wearing.

Kaoru was putting his portable iPod dock, some incense and candles, and his camera into the basket by the time Die was ready, looking his lover up and down with a little purr. "You look... mmmmmm." He pulled his camera out and set it on the counter, setting the self timer and then running around and grabbing Die in a hug, wanting a picture of both of them like this.

Die chuckled and then leaned in, pressing his cheek to Kaoru's and giving the camera a sultry look before it went off. Once it had, he kissed Kaoru on the cheek. "About ready?"

Nodding, his lover put his camera back in the basket and hung it from the crook of his elbow. "Ready!" The nap had recharged him and the weed had killed most of his pain, putting him about as back to normal as he could be just then, still healing physically from the surgery.

Die smiled and held out his arm. "Your chariot awaits, my love."

Kaoru let out a tiny giggle, taking Die's arm and making sure Makoto had enough food and water before going out onto the porch and locking the door behind them, carefully taking the steps down to his car, tossing Die his keys. "Mine's more discreet to leave parked."

Die nodded and grabbed the keys mid-flight. He wandered over to the passenger side, unlocking the door and opening it for Kaoru before going to the driver's side and slipping in. "So... which place are we headed to?"

Kaoru tapped his lips, thinking. There's a big old one by the river towards Cayce. Just start driving like you're going towards the organic pizza place and I'll guide you from there."

Die nodded. "Alright, will do." He buckled up, turned on the car, and then pulled out, smiling to himself.

Kaoru set the basket at his feet and reached to hold Die's hand, partially wanting Die to drive his car so he could do this, instead of needing to use his hand to change gears. When they got up to the little organic pizza parlor, he told Die to take a left and go across the railroad tracks to a dirt road and take it all the way down. It was about five miles into woods, following the river.

Die followed the directions, holding Kaoru's hand, glad he didn't have a gearshift to worry about. He flipped the high beams on once they were off the main road, giving him the ability to see a little further into the trees.

Kaoru rubbed Die's fingers, looking out into the woods. There were plenty of ghost stories about this road, and the cemetery. He almost believed them. There was something about this whole stretch of the river that felt like there were eyes on you. However, he got a thrill off that creepy feeling, and the old tombstones shaded by huge old oaks were beautiful. The small stone church stood to the left on the river at the end of the road, and the huge cemetery spread out straight ahead. Kaoru pointed out a little road running through it and told Die to go up over the first hill and then pull off.

Die drove slowly, not wanting to hit anything that could be lurking just within the tree line. After navigating to the spot Kaoru wanted them at, he pulled off to the side of the road the first chance he got and shut off the engine.

The stones around them were old and mostly tall, streaked with wear and moss. There were a few rose bushes that had gone wild, a gardenia off somewhere still blooming, the scent heady, and the sound of the river. Kaoru got out and put the basket down, going to the trunk and getting out two blankets before picking up all of it and heading off into the darkness, finding an area beside a huge oak to spread out both blankets and set up his basket, taking out the iPod dock and playing some music at a soft volume while he lit incense and candles.

Die just followed along with him. This was Kaoru's thing and he would do it as he wanted and Die would just follow. After it was all set up, Die smiled and settled down on what he deemed his side of the blanket.

Crossing his legs, he slid off the jacket and then rubbed his hands together, waiting on Kaoru to judge what they were doing first.

Kaoru settled next to Die and pulled out the bottle of wine and the corkscrew, opening it and taking a swig before handing it off to Die, digging out a pin-joint of hash and lighting it. "I love the way it feels out right now. Not really cold, but crisp... it's amazing."

Die accepted the wine, sucking down a little and then rubbing his hand over his arm, enjoying the feel of the fishnet. "It does feel nice. Not too bad."

Scooting a little closer to Die, Kaoru sucked at the thin joint, looking at his lover. "Shotgun?"

Die lifted one shoulder a little and then nodded. "Sure." Leaning over, he waited on Kaoru.

Putting a hand at the back of Die's hand, Kaoru leaned in and pressed his lips to Die's, breathing out in a slow stream as Die inhaled, breathing in through his nose to clamp his mouth over Die's a little longer, kissing him hard.

Die sucked it all in, letting out a little moan at the kiss before he had to pull away to let the smoke back out. Taking another swig from the bottle, he licked his lips and then reached for some cheese.

Kaoru moved the basket closer to Die, snagging a grape. He sat with his head on Die's arm, lounging comfortably. "Mmmm... am I weird for thinking this is really romantic?"

Die shook his head. "It really is," he murmured. "I'm enjoying it quite a bit." 

Kaoru smiled softly and gestured towards the joint. "Do you want some more?" It was nearly out already, Kaoru having rolled only a little.

Die nodded. "One more hit," he murmured, reaching for it. It really did help keep his stress at bay and since his new job didn't give a flying fuck, he figured he shouldn't either.

Kaoru pulled a long drag off the joint and leaned to blow it into Die's mouth, giving him a short kiss before pulling back and taking the last hit, snubbing what little was left off on at tombstone and tossing the rest. He reached for the bottle of wine and took a big slug of it before reaching for a cracker out of the basket.

Die just allowed Kaoru to shotgun that one to him, too, still vaguely not believing he was doing this. Something about it was terribly wrong and yet... felt so right. Maybe it was just the stress talking, but he felt better like this. More like he was able to just move on and let things relax around him. It felt... nice.

Kaoru gave him a little grin and pulled out his EOS lipbalm, the little round egg of amazingness he'd become addicted to, and rubbed it on, offering it to Die. "Soft lips for baby?"

Die laughed a little and shook his head, pulling out his own Vaseline lip therapy, smudging some on and then putting it away before he put it away and leaned back a little, his gaze on the sky above them.

Kaoru leaned and kissed Die's jaw, purring. He reached into the basket and produced a tupperware full of chocolate covered strawberries. Pulling one out, he placed it between his lips, most of it sticking out, giving Die a little look.

Die chuckled at him and then grinned, leaning in and taking the other half of the strawberry into his mouth. Chewing it, he sat back and swallowed, moaning a little bit at the pleasure of the taste.

Kaoru gave a little smirk and sighed, leaning back and looking up at the sky through the limbs of the oak. The stars were bright and clear this way, pulled farther out of the light pollution of the city.

Die gave a little yawn and reached for the wine, downing another huge gulp of it before putting it back next to Kaoru, plucking out a few more things to nibble on, his eyes a little glassy.

Kaoru munched quietly for a while, as well, simply enjoying being here with Die, his presence enough. After a while, he swigged from the bottle and then laid down, putting his hands behind his head to gaze up at the sky, Stevie Nicks playing softly from the other side of the blanket.

Die yawned a little and then flopped down as well, snagging another strawberry, munching on it while he peered at Kaoru. "Enjoying this?"

Kaoru smiled, rolling and snuggling up against his lover. "Very much. I love just being out here... and being with you. It feels nice."

Die nodded. "It does feel nice, doesn't it?" He licked his lips a little and reached to rub his face a little.

Kaoru purred, nodding, hugging onto Die for a while. After a few moments of silent bliss, he nudged his lover. "I brought my laptop. Kyo added a little... present for us in the email he sent me. Do you want to see it?"

Die tilted his head a little and then nodded. "Sure," he murmured.Somehow he was curious what he'd given them.

Kaoru sat up and pulled his laptop out, opening it up and letting it boot quickly before opening a video file, clicking the corner to make it go full screen. The first few shots were jumbled and indistinguishable until the camera leveled and it was Fea's smirking face in view. Kyo's hands obscured it now and again as his lover was apparently trying to get the camera away from Fea. "Hi, guys." Kyo jumped up and hit the camera, Fea jerking it out of his reach again. "We thought we'd--" Kyo was heard from below, growling " _we_ hell!"--"thought we'd send you two something to remember us by until we see you again. I hope you're both doing well and I miss you!" He brought one long, slender hand up to his full lips and blew the camera a kiss, Kyo finally giving up with a breathless laugh and hugging onto Fea's waist, coming into frame, his blonde hair mussed, waving shyly at the camera.

Die settled next to Kaoru, his back against a tombstone, hoping it would hold his weight and not tip over. If it did, he'd feel terrible and he knew it. Looking up at the screen, he tilted his head and blinked at the screen, a stupid grin on his face. Silly Kyo, he decided, letting out a little chuckle of amusement when Kyo finally entered the screen.

Fea leaned to kiss Kyo's head, moving the camera to set it on a shelf in the kitchen, where they apparently were. The apartment was not one Die recognized, presumably Fea's. Kyo grabbed at Fea's shirt and tugged him down into a kiss as soon as the camera was out of his hand, putting his tattooed arms around his lover's neck and kissing him good and hard. Fea's green eyes flickered to the camera and seemed to spark in a smile before going back to what he was doing, running his hands up under Kyo's shirt and feeling along his back. Kaoru laid down on Die's leg, watching with mild amusement.

Die smiled a little, reaching to stroke Kaoru's hair, watching the screen with a slightly intrigued look. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going and he vaguely wondered why he and Kaoru hadn't done such a thing to send to Kyo and Fea yet. Smirking a little, he thought maybe they should.

Fea put his hands on Kyo's waist, both of them sinking deeper into the kiss, and lifted him up on the counter, pressing their bodies tightly together. 

Kaoru gave a little purr, crossing his legs and watching Kyo's fingers slide through Fea's long hair. After the four of them being together, he had a renewed appreciation for how passionately the two of them went at each other.

Die smiled softly, his tongue sliding out to wet his lips while he watched Kyo and Fea. They were both so beautiful together and he loved watching them, even if it was after the fact on a video.

Kyo pulled up Fea's shirt and eventually got him out of it, Fea doing the same, both of them wrestling with each other's pants. 

Fea pulled away and turned, his jeans opened and his underwear shoved down enough to show his dark thatch of pubic hair. He grabbed the camera and swung it around, pointing it towards Kyo, cupping his lover's cheek and sneaking his fingertips to the spot that made Kyo turn to jelly, rubbing at it. Muddy brown eyes slid shut and wide lips parted, panting, Fea heard chuckling darkly. 

Kaoru squirmed a little more, hugging Die's legs like a pillow.

Die could only feel like he was watching some artsy interpretation of sex, a grin on his lips and a sparkle in his eyes. This was how things really were supposed to be, he decided. Kyo and Fea happy and together, he and Kaoru the same. But all of them sharing so closely in one another's lives. It just seemed to... fit. It was something special. Or at least it felt that way to him.

After a minute or two of Kyo being slowly tortured by the expert fingers against his sensitive neck, his eyes snapped open and he growled, snatching the camera away and turning it on Fea, who seemed not in the least remorseful for working his lover up so much. Kyo's hand came out and shoved Fea's chest, making his turn around and march off towards the bedroom, a dim room covered mostly in dark colors. Fea went willingly, standing in full view of the camera and biting his lip, sliding his jeans and boxers down his long legs and tossing them away, leaving him standing there naked and hard as a rock. The camera titled down to reveal Kyo's hand not holding it to be wrapped around his own cock, stroking slowly. 

"Lay face down," Kyo off-camera voice ordered in a tone that was soft, but stern. "Knees under you, arms above your head." 

Slowly, but obediently, Fea went about doing as he was told.

Die let out a groan, unable to hold it back when he saw Kyo stroking his cock and Fea naked. The two of them together made an amazing pair,that was for damn sure. He reached to put his hand into Kaoru's hair, gently stroking at it. "They're so hot together, aren't they?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru bit his lip and tipped his head back a little towards Die's hand. "Nn, definitely. I love Fea's accent, I gotta say. I think I have a little crush on his voice." He chuckled a little and watched Kyo climb up on the bed, the camera from his perspective still, and fondle Fea's upturned ass.

Die laughed softly. "Can't blame you there... I love accents." He smirked a bit and slid his hand down Kaoru's body, fondling his crotch a little to see if he was liking this that way.

Kaoru gave a tiny moan at the fondling, turning his head to look up at Die. "What, you like my rice paddy accent?" He stretched his arm around to Die's back and rubbed at it affectionately before turning his attention back to the video, watching in slight horror as Kaoru simply covered himself in lube, set the camera at the head of the bed angled towards both of them, and pushed in. Fea was obviously in pain, face screwed up, holding back a scream, but he did hold it back and took it. 

"You fucking like that?" Kyo growled, wrapping Fea's gorgeous, long locks around his hand, still sticky and a mess with lube, and yanking his head back. Fea gave out a tiny sob, but managed to make an affirmative sound, whining softly as Kyo began to fuck him harshly, his breath coming with difficulty at the severe angle his lover was pulling back his head.

"I adore your accent, baby." He chuckled a bit and squeezed his crotch a little bit harder. His eyes riveted on the screen and he bit his lip a little, shivering while he stared at how forceful Kyo was being. It was delicious and horrifying, all at once. His other hand slid down between his own legs, rubbing lightly against the crotch of his pants.

"Mmm..." he let out, a little tiny bit of a moan escaping.

"Goddamn..."

Kaoru titled his hips towards Die's hand a little and was not unaware as his lover started to fondle himself, eyes still on the screen as Kyo fucked Fea like he'd paid for it, being rough enough to make the taller man cry, tears down his face, his green eyes red-rimmed. It was difficult to tell if it was out of pain or the emotional effects or both, but there was something about the dangerous intensity they treated each other with that was fascinating.

Die shivered a little bit and sank his teeth into his lower lip, letting out a soft whimper. After a moment, he murmured, "Is this what you are looking for when you want it rough, baby?"

Kaoru blushed, ducking his head a little. He turned slowly and looked at Die over his shoulder, giving a tiny nod. "It's how Seung got away with the abuse for a while, I thought it was all fun. I love being treated like dirt, so long as it's all understood it's to get me off. He took it outside of that." He seemed embarrassed and perhaps a little ashamed, knowing it was an extreme kink. "Do you think you could really do that?"

Die gave a little shrug and then murmured, "I could try it out maybe." He didn't know how far he could go with it really. He'd already tried a few times, but he could never just keep going with it all the way through til the end. At some point it stopped being what he thought Kaoru wanted and turned into what he feared Kaoru didn't.

Kaoru grabbed Die's hand and kissed the back of it, rolling onto his back and looking up at his lover. "I know you'd never hurt me, baby." He gave a tiny smile as if their two friends weren't ravaging each other savagely on the screen in front of them.

Die placed a feather-light kiss on his fingers and transferred it to Kaoru before looking back at the screen. He'd abandoned touching either of them, still horny, but sort of realizing Kaoru didn't seem too into it right then. Then again, who could blame him with as much as they'd been having sex, any normal person would be tired by then.

Kaoru snuggled up closer to Die and continued watching as Kyo kept up his brutal pace until he had reached his peak, slamming into Fea and then pulling out, rolling his lover over and laying against him, stroking his cock as he kissed over his face and whispered in his ear, trying to calm him and tell him that he loved him. Fea was a trembling, shaking mess, but didn't pull away, arching hard off the bed when he came, gripping onto Kyo hard enough to leave bruises, the most magnificent sound leaving his throat. 

Kyo stayed by his side, comforting him until he calmed down and came back to himself, both of them cuddled together and then looking at the camera as if remembering it was there. Kyo sort of blushed and then reached over, grabbing the camera and holding it up above them, giving Fea a soft kiss before the video stopped and the program closed.

Die found himself in that awkward place again of being aroused by what Kyo had sent and feeling slightly bad for being turned on at all by it. He was never really sure why he felt that way, but at least this time it was a dull sense of it rather than the slamming guilt he'd felt last time. After a moment, he murmured, "They make such a nice couple." Sometimes he felt like a parrot stuck on repeat.

Kaoru lifted a brow at him and smiled, sitting up and grabbing Die at the back of the neck, giving him a firm kiss. "Hnn, they do." He closed his laptop and put it back in the basket, producing a small handheld video camera and holding it up, looking at Die with a sexily bashful questioning expression.

Die looked startled, even making a soft sound when Kaoru pushed his lips against his own. But it all ended far too soon and he had to stop himself from letting out a whine, instead just letting it be at that.

But then Kaoru had a video camera in hand and Die blinked at it, vaguely confused for a moment. Surely Kaoru wasn't proposing what Die thought he was... was he? He chewed his lower lip for a moment before giving him a questioning look, hoping Kaoru would explain rather than make him have to awkwardly phrase the question of if he meant to film them getting it on.

Kaoru sort of laughed at him, crawling over and kissing the end of Die's nose. "I just thought... you know, maybe... we should send them a video back. You don't have to rape me or anything," he blushed a little, "but, ya know... I thought it might be... nice? Fun?" He shrugged, seeming shy about it all and a little unsure, but willing.

Die blushed faintly and then nodded a little. "Okay. I'm fine with that." He shifted a little and removed his jacket and shirt, putting them aside before he started to do the same to Kaoru, thinking it'd be easier on the camera if they were already topless since otherwise, they'd be jiggling it around a lot.

Kaoru leaned forward and kissed Die, putting a finger against his lips afterward. "Wait, I'll just set it up on a tombstone." He got up and went over to a waist-height stone and set the camera on top, opening it up and adjusting it a bit to make sure the candle light was enough to see by. He hit record and then came back over to sit with Die, taking a long swig of what was left of the wine.

Die just waited where he was, looking a little nervous, though he wasn't entirely sure why. When Kaoru came to sit next to him, he leaned toward him a little, putting his hand on his lover's thigh, unsure how fast to go about doing this.

Kaoru sort of raised a brow at Die and then slung a leg over Die's head, straddling him, putting his arms around his lover's neck and kissing him hard, shoving his tongue past Die's lips. It was clear in his tight jeans that he was hard, the whole situation turning him on and at once feeling like it was somehow very romantic, in a twisted way.

Die let out a soft, pleased sound, licking his lips and putting his hands on Kaoru's hips. "You're gorgeous, you know that?" he asked quietly. A moment later though, Kaoru's tongue was in his mouth and he just allowed it to happen, closing his eyes and pushing a hand into Kaoru's hair, trying hard to find and flip the magical switch inside him that allowed him to alternate between being top and bottom. He knew Kaoru wanted Die to take him, but somehow his body was firmly stuck on 'oh god, take me now'.

Kaoru slithered around in Die's lap, fucking his lover's mouth with his tongue for a while before slowly sliding down him, kissing his chest and biting both nipples, crawling backwards down his lover's body and opening his jeans, tracing his tongue along the edge of the waist band of his underwear.

By the time Kaoru was at Die's nipples, he was already sort of a quivering mess. Kaoru certainly wasn't helping him be able to flip that switch, that was for damn sure. His hips arched up and he let out a soft whine, his eyes sort of glassy. "Please," he whispered out, not really knowing why he was saying please in the first place.

Kaoru gave a little growl, pushing Die's pants down his legs and setting the packer on top of the picnic basket, fishing himself out of his own jeans before straddling his lover backwards, crawling to put his cock over Die's lips, himself on his elbows, stretched out over his lover, dipping his head down to suck tenderly on his lady-dick.

Die let out a soft gasp, his hips arching up to let Kaoru do as he wanted. His head lolled to the side for a moment, hips arching before he groaned out Kaoru's name and immediately reached to take his lover's hips, holding on as he leaned up enough to get Kaoru's dick in his mouth, sucking it into the warm, wet cavern with a little groan.

Kaoru gave a pleased growled, sucking at Die enthusiastically, sneaking one hand down between his lovers thighs and pushing two fingers into him. It was awkward to actually finger him from this angle, but he wanted to feel inside the other, at least.

Die's hips pushed up a little and he let out a strangled sound, his hands yanking at Kaoru's hips, pulling him down closer, sucking him harder. He wanted this, wanted this almost desperately. He lapped and sucked at Kaoru in a way he hadn't ever really done in the past.

Kaoru moaned loudly, sucking at Die in kind, fucking him as best he could from the position with his fingers, his hips rocking slightly into Die's mouth, trying to hold back. He certainly still wanted to fuck his lover, felt like this was only the warm-up for the good show he wanted to give Fea and Kyo, not to mention his lover.

After a few moments, Die slid off Kaoru's dick, shifting a little bit to suck one of his balls into his mouth, suckling a little on it and rolling his tongue over the sac.

Kaoru chuckled softly, purring, moving to suck at Die's labia to emulate what is lover was doing to him.

Die couldn't help the little laugh that escaped him. though, he had to admit, it did feel pretty damn good. He'd kept it pretty hair free down there in the past few weeks, just wanting Kaoru to be happy with Kaoru kept at it for a bit before pulling back, crawling away and then reaching to get Die's hand to help him up. "Go brace yourself on the tombstone, one hand on either side of the camera, on your knees."

Die did exactly as he was asked, smiling and giving the camera a dirty, sultry look before kneeling down.

Kaoru chewed his lower lip, crawling up behind Die, running a hand gently down his back, stopping at his ass and giving it a hard smack. He leaned in and licked at Die's ear, his cock pressed between Die's thighs, the head rubbing at the underside of his lover's own cock. "Beg for it."

Die pushed back a little against Kaoru, feeling him there, a thrill running through him. This was perfect, all of it... he could still bottom and Kaoru's dick where it was felt so good and inviting. 

Spreading his legs a little more, the glimmer of a dirty, dirty thought slipped through his mind. "And if I don't," he whispered out, rubbing himself a little on Kaoru's dick, debating if he felt that brave or not.

Kaoru grabbed Die's hair and yanked. "Then you won’t get a goddamn thing from me and I'll have to punish you."

Die let out a soft hiss and then chuckled. Shifting forward a little, he tilted his head back and gave Kaoru a sultry look. One hand slid down and he spread his pussy lips, letting out a short stream of piss, the sound of it more than obvious. "Are you gonna punish me for that, too, baby?"

Kaoru's eyes narrowed, his reaction unreadable. All he said, in a curt growl, was "Finish."

His head rested back against Kaoru's shoulder, the look on his face one of unmistakable pleasure. He rubbed a little at his clit before spreading himself again and letting out a few more squirts against the headstone. A groan left him and he just let go entirely, the sound of it splattering the stone and ground quite loud. It was almost a full  
minute before his stream trailed off and the last little bit dripped from his labia to the ground.

Shifting back forward again, he took hold of the headstone once more and presented himself to Kaoru. "Please, baby... I need you... I need you in me so bad. I beg you." Even as he said the words, a little smirk formed on his lips, his eyes taking on that sparkling, dark hue that told he was being a brat.

Kaoru glowered, a dark rumble forming in the back of his throat. He grabbed Die's hair again and just sort of shoved him. "No, you little twat. I won’t please such a defiant slut." He pulled Die's hair again, trying to wrench him around. "Suck me instead. Finish me off, whore." It was impossible to read how serious he was being, whether he was honestly mad, or it was all just a game, but he was certainly still hard as a rock.

Die let out a whine, his brain immediately sending signals down below that he'd fucked up and wouldn't be getting anything shoved inside that particular hole today. Another little whine left him, but he let Kaoru jerk him around, moving to avoid he now wet grass and kneeling on the edge of the blanket, leaning in and lapping at Kaoru's dick before he deep-throated him, not feeling like being shoved down on it by someone else right then.

Kaoru moaned softly, grabbing the camera to aim at Die, finding one of his lover's wrists and trying to put his hand around to his ass, not wanting to order anything yet, but just give a hint.

Die complied, bringing his finger down to rub at Kaoru's tight little bud, ringing around it and then gently rubbing up against it a little harder with his fingertip, though not pushing in. He worked his cock as though he were desperately hungry for it, his head bobbing, his mouth and throat full, his eyes peering at the camera with the look of a whore in them.

Kaoru let out a whine, tipping his head back and bucking his hips into Die's mouth. "Oh fuck!" He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his ass, his balls pulling up against his body before he lost it with a long groan, emptying over Die's tongue.

Die continued sucking until he was sure Kaoru was completely done, pulling back and showing the camera the load in his mouth. Smirking a little he wiggled his tongue and then closed his mouth and swallowed.

Opening again, he showed the camera it was all gone, a proud look on his face.

Kaoru purred out a laugh, petting Die's hair. "That's my good little slut." He continued petting Die's hair, calming down and regaining his breath before he stood and zipped his jeans back up, pointing at an above ground tomb at the other end of the blanket. "Go lie down over there."

Die got up and made his way over to where Kaoru pointed, settling down and then laying back, shifting to dust the thing off a bit, the dirt kind of itchy.

Kaoru went over to the basket an rummaged, producing something that he showed the camera first, and then walked over to Die with. It seemed he had planned out quite a bit of this. He held up the cucumber with a smirk and held it out to Die. "I know you still want to be fucked, but you're going to have to do it yourself."

Die peered up at him and gave him a sort of odd look. A... vegetable. That he wasn't so sure about. But then again, after what he'd just done, this was nothing. With a little growl, he grabbed it and examined it for a moment before just shoving it into himself, letting out a loud grunt.

Kaoru chuckled darkly, getting down on his knees to get a good shot of Die fucking himself with it. "You're such a desperate slut... fuck, I love it."

Die let out a sharp cry that faded down into a moan. Each thrust brought more sounds from him, his eyes rolling back in his head while he used the vegetable the same way he would have used a vibrator.

Kaoru just played camera man with an evil smirk on his face, glad he could still do these things for a while, wanting to get the most out of them. "Are you gonna make yourself cum, baby?"

Die threw back his head, moaning wantonly. He shuddered and then arched, sliding it out and holding it aside as he came, his lady jizz spurting out over the ground and the blanket, right in full view of the camera.

Kaoru nearly died laughing, always finding Die's ejaculations something of absurd comedic value, and yet, somehow sexy. He leaned down and kissed his lover's neck, nuzzling him. "Mmmm, does my boy feel better now?"

Die sort of collapsed, panting a little and glowering up at Kaoru. Reaching up, he grabbed his hair and yanked him down, kissing him harshly.

Yelping, Kaoru let himself be yanked down, the camera's angle now uselessly pointed at the dark corner of the cemetery. He kissed Die back, petting his side, purring.

Letting him go, he reached for the camera and took it, looking into it, a dangerous look in his eyes before he blew the camera a kiss. After a moment, he turned it on Kaoru. "Tell them something dirty, baby."

Kaoru seemed put on the spot, thinking for half a second. "Next time you're here, I hope I'm well enough to fuck."

Die let out a soft laugh and then smirked, pointing the camera back at himself. "Yeah, agreed. Have a good night, sweet thangs!" With that, he clicked off the record and then turned it off. He held it back out to Kaoru and grinned.

Kaoru took it, giving Die a little smirk and helping him up off the tomb. "Thangs?"

Die flushed a little and shrugged. "I was trying out my fake accent?" he let out a laugh and shook his head. "Just figured it would be somehow amusing."

Kaoru sort of smirked and put his arm around Die's waist, walking back over to the basket and loading it back up, taking the cucumber from Die and wiping it off on the blanket... and then putting it back in the basket, as well. Packed up, he reached and tugged Die's hand, moving to lie down. "Cuddle with me for a bit?"

Die carefully moved around while Kaoru cleaned things up and put them away, getting his clothing back on. Once he had, he settled on the blanket with Kaoru, carefully avoiding the wet patches they'd created. He shifted closer and leaned his head on Kaoru's chest, closing his eyes, one hand stroking over his lover's belly.

Kaoru hummed, stroking Die's hair and closing his eyes for a while. He lifted his head after a long moment of silence to kiss Die's brow. "Love you."

Die smiled softly at him and then settled again. "I love you, too, sunshine."

After several long minutes of peaceful silence, Kaoru shifted a little. "Are you ready to head back to the house yet?"

Die made a soft little humming sound and then nodded. "Yeah... home sounds good."

Kaoru nodded, patting Die to make him get up before getting to his feet, himself, then promptly falling back onto his butt with a little oomph. He sat there stunned for a minute, then tried again, shaking his head. "Got up too fast, I got dizzy as shit."

Die got up and helped Kaoru to his feet. "Are you okay?" he asked, looking concerned, a frown on his face now. Maybe they'd gotten to vigorous or something.

Kaoru put his arms around Die and let the world stop spinning before letting go and grabbing the basket to start to pack up, blowing out the candles. "I think I'm just jumping the gun a bit on this healing thing... Still a little weak, I guess."

Die frowned a little, following him around closely, trying to help clean things up and pack them. "Maybe we should take it easy, then."

Kaoru sort of shrugged, folding the blankets. "I know... but, I start chemo in two weeks. I want to still do the things I can while I can before I get pumped full of toxins and I'm too sick to do anything." He gave a dry laugh and shook his head. "Isn't that shitty? That I'm dying, so they make me sick to try and save me..."

Die nodded a little. "I've always thought it was shitty, actually." He sighed and picked up everything but the blankets, making sure they didn't leave anything behind. He supposed at least they'd done some of the things Kaoru would probably like to, but there were still a few things he wanted to do and couldn't, which made him rather sad.

Kaoru tossed the blankets over his arm and picked up the basket, wrapping his free arm around Die and pulling him into a lingering kiss, grabbing his hair affectionately when he pulled away. "I love you. Thank you for coming out here tonight with me."

Die handed over the basket since Kaoru seemed to want to hold it so badly. He supposed he didn't have to stop him from carrying it if he really wanted to. He smiled a little. "I love you, too... and always."

Kaoru smiled softly and took Die's hand, walking slowly back towards the car. Once there, he popped the trunk with his key remote and put the basket and blankets inside before unlocking the car and handing the keys to Die, going to the passenger side. 

Die let him lead, just trailing along beside him, his face thoughtful.

Once he got the keys, he went around and slid into the driver's seat, buckling up and then turning on the car, waiting on Kaoru.

Kaoru buckled up and then pointed ahead of them. "There's a big circle in the middle up ahead, you can just swing around and head back out the way we came."

Die nodded. "Alright." He put the car in gear and headed out, going around the circular loop and then back out the way they'd come in, his headlights on high to see through the darkness.

Kaoru reached over and took Die's hand, looking off into the woods, feeling an eerie tingle lurk down his spine. One thing was for certain, rumors and legends true or not, the long road down to the old cemetery was rather unsettling.

He squeezed his lover's hand back. "Something wrong, baby?" he asked quietly, wondering what was wrong.

Kaoru rubbed at Die's fingers, shaking his head. "It's just kind of creepy on this road. I always feel like there are people in the trees watching me."

"It is kinda creepy... like a horror film or something." He let out a little laugh and sped up just the slightest amount, his eyes intently on the road.

Kaoru hunkered down in the seat a little, focusing on the road, glad once they were finally back on the pavement and winding back towards the main road back towards their home. He sat up and pointed at a gas station. "I have this awful craving for a cream soda. Do you mind stopping?"

Die did as Kaoru asked, pulling into the parking lot and cutting the engine. He figured he'd let Kaoru go get the type he wanted himself. Rolling down the window a little, he fished out a cigarette and lit it up, starting to smoke it.

Kaoru pecked Die's cheek and got out, grabbing a five from his glove box and going into the store. A minute later, he returned with a cream soda and a strawberry Fanta, putting both in the cup holders.

Die smiled at him and licked his lips a little before pulling out and heading toward home. "Thanks, baby." He loved that Kaoru always remembered his preference in sodas. It made him feel special.

Kaoru wrinkled his nose in a little smile. "Of course, pumpkin."The rest of the ride was relatively silent, Die focusing on the road rather heavily. When they arrived home, he parked behind his own vehicle and then slid out of the car, going to get the basket and  
blankets instead of Kaoru, giving his lover the keys to go open up the door.

Kaoru got out and went up the steps, having to hang onto the rail at the top for a moment, feeling his balance slip, before going and unlocking the door, sitting down to take his boots off once he was inside. Makoto came lazily up to them, plopping down at Kaoru's side and putting his head on his thigh. Kaoru scrubbed a hand over the puppy's head and back, leaning to kiss his nose before putting his boots aside and slowly getting up.

Die watched his lover, rushing forward when he wavered, a fearful look on his face. But Kaoru didn't fall and Die did his best to not look as panicked as he really was. He decided he was definitely cutting himself off for a few days, no sex or exertion until Kaoru felt better again.

Slipping inside, he went to put everything away, putting the blankets in the washer, food in the fridge, and then wandered off with the video camera to the office, settling at his laptop and taking the memory card out, slipping it into his computer. A moment later, he was moving it to his desktop and then making an email to send to Kyo including the file.  
_Hey buddy, We thought we'd do something for you in return for the amazing vid you  
guys sent us. This one's for you and Fea. Have fun. Die  & Kao_

He sent it off and then put the card back in Kaoru's camera, making sure there was nothing else on it before he formatted it and then set it on Kaoru's desk.

Kaoru went into the bathroom and cleaned himself up a bit, putting on pajama bottoms and a loose t-shirt, sipping at his soda and putting half of it in the fridge for later. Shuffling into the office, he hugged Die from behind, kissing his ear. "I think I'm going to go to bed, baby. Are you going to stay up for a while?"

Die turned a little to peer at him. "Yeah, I'm going to. Need to shower and stuff. Then I'll be in. Sleep well." He kissed the corner of his mouth gently and rubbed at his hair.

Kaoru kept holding onto Die for a minute before straightening again and going off into the bedroom. As he went around to his side, he miscalculated in the dimness of the bedroom and wanged his knee on the edge of the bench, cursing loudly. Makoto came running to see what was the matter and Kaoru grumbled at him, shuffling around to the bed and crawling in, patting the sheets to let the dog jump up and snuggle with him, rubbing at his knee through the sheets. He'd been doing things like that a lot lately; misjudging the distance of things or the weight of them and dropping things or running into them. He could only assume it was all part of healing from the surgery.

Die rushed into the bedroom after Kaoru when he heard the jolt of the bench and the cursing from his lover. He was only moments behind the dog, his face sort of ashen, his eyes wide and worried. "Kaoru? Are you okay?" The light flicked on and he rushed to the bedside.

Kaoru sort of waved him off, still rubbing his knee and trying to avoid Makoto trying to lick his face. "Just ran into the bench in the dark, I'm fine."

He looked a little bit relieved, but still slightly distraught. "You sure you're okay, baby?" he asked softly, reaching to touch his leg gently.

Kaoru sort of frowned and nodded, finally getting a hand under Makoto's chest and flipping him backwards onto the bed, petting him with the hand he was holding him down with so the dog wouldn't think he was just being shoved. It was clear Kaoru was a little distraught over the simple mistake, but he tried to calm himself, not letting his dormant anger run free. "I'm fine, pumpkin."

Die leaned in and packed him on the cheek before murmuring, "If you need anything, just let me know." He wandered off then, grabbing his PJs with the little guitars on them and headed off toward the bathroom.

Kaoru nodded with a little sigh, rolling over and cuddling up with Makoto, who had calmed down, trying to get to sleep.

Slipping into the shower, Die settled under the stream of water, closing his eyes. It took him a few minutes before he even started to soap up, just wanting to enjoy the water for a while.

Kaoru laid in bed in the dark, listening to the water running on the other side of the wall. His mood had switched quickly from feeling very light-hearted and relaxed to depressed and a little angry. He was sick of the emotional effects of the tumor, knowing they had to wear on Die, who always wanted to feel like everything was his fault. He couldn't stand to think that Die might always assume his mood changes were because of something his lover had done.

Die finished up in the shower within about thirty minutes, feeling loads better afterward. He couldn't remember the last time he'd spent so long in the shower, but he felt all the better for it. Shaved, washed, shampooed, and deep conditioned. He sat on the side of the tub, carefully lotioning himself up, feeling like pampering himself just a little bit for whatever reason.

Kaoru had resigned himself to laying awake in the bed to wait for Die. He felt lonely and sad and knew he couldn't sleep until his lover was beside him. Even Mako had left him, running off to get water and play with a toy in the living room.

He took a few more minutes to carefully trim his toenails and fingernails, filing everything and then washing up his hands, drying his hair and then pulling on his PJs. With that done, he went to curl up on the couch, picking up one of the magazines he'd brought back from Japan, flipping through it slowly while he wound down.

Kaoru listened to Die's footsteps go not towards the bedroom, but the parlor, his heart sinking. Reason knew it was ridiculous to think Die would know he was upset and to come lay down in bed, knew he really had no obligation to, but his heart ached that his lover didn't just know how badly he needed him just then, and he was also to confused and scared by his sudden shift in mood to go seek out Die, not wanting to worry him. Instead, he hid his face in his pillow and cried quietly, wracked with implacable grief.

Die flipped through the magazine for a while, finally putting it back on the coffee table and getting up, stretching and yawning. Wandering through the house, he put things away and turned off the lights, letting Mako out once more before he headed off to the bedroom, the dog on his heels.

Kaoru tried to relax as soon as he heard Die coming, not wanting to seem suspicious, hoping it wouldn't be obvious that he had just had to turn the pillow over he'd wet the other side so much with tears.

Die slipped into bed and shifted over to Kaoru's side, settling down, pulling the covers around himself, and then putting one arm around Kaoru before closing his eyes.

Kaoru shifted closer to Die, shifting against him, squeezing his eyes shut and just breathing. After some time, he let the safety of his lover's arm block out the anxiety enough to find something at least close to peaceful sleep.

Die smiled a little and tugged Kaoru closer. He nuzzled against him and slowly managed to fall asleep.

**To Be Continued…**


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to hamhamhaven for editing the remaining chapters

Kaoru continued to heal slowly from the surgery, but it was clear that the tumor was still affecting him. He had had a few incidents of mild hallucinations, severe headaches, continued mood swings, and his balance had not yet returned to normal. They were things he didn't know if he could get used to, but that the doctors had assured were not related to the surgery and that as far as that much was concerned, he was recovering exceptionally well. It should have given him hope that he was in good health and that the chemotherapy would most likely be productive, if not successful, but he found himself skeptical.

The weekend before he was supposed to have his first chemotherapy treatment, his parents insisted on coming down. They arrived in the early afternoon on Saturday with groceries already bought and Asako with them, pulling up at the back of the house next to Die and Kaoru's cars, Makoto barking to announce their arrival. Die had been having an honestly shitty day. He had developed something of a cold in the past few days and felt like misery compounded. They were supposed to start all kinds of things over the next few days and somehow the stress had come down on him really hard. Kyo and Fea weren't due anywhere near them for quite some time and to make things even worse, the fridge was mostly empty and Mako had puked three times from eating a bird the day prior. By the time Kaoru's parents arrived, Die was sitting at the table, his head in his hands and a cup of lukewarm tea in front of him. He got up, shuffling to the door and blearily pulling it open, stepping out to see if it was them.

Miyuki was carrying Asako across the yard and up the steps, Asako catching sight of Die and squealing loudly with excitement. Miyuki laughed and went up the stairs, hugging Die instantly and kissing his cheek.

"You look awful. I'm here to take over for a while, alright? Sit down, love on her," she passed the baby off, whether Die wanted her or not, and went into the house, "and I'll start lunch."

Kaoru got up and shuffled into the living room, wearing pajamas still and looking haggard, but smiling. He hugged his mother and then Tadashi as he came in loaded down with bags.

Die smiled at the sight of Asako. Coming in, Die sat down at the kitchen table again and settled Asako in his lap, holding onto her rather tightly, but night tight enough to hurt her.

"Got any special remedies for a cold?" he asked Miyuki, giving her a pleading look,

sniffling a little. The meds just weren't doing it.

Tadashi unloaded the car, declining Kaoru's help vehemently, while Miyuki started putting away the groceries they had gotten. Die smiled a little at Tadashi as he came in, his hand stroking over Asako's back. At the question of a cold, she dug around until she found some candied ginger, taking out a big piece and handing it to Die.

"Just chew on it for a while. I'll make you some peppermint tea."

Asako gurgled happily in Die's lap and Tadashi, finally done getting everything in, wrapped his son in a tight hug. Die continued rubbing Asako's back, taking the piece of ginger and doing as he was told. Anything at this point was better than being this miserable. He chewed and watched at Tadashi came back in, giving him a little bit of a smile while he hugged Kaoru. He looked back to Miyuki.

"Thank you guys so much for coming... and for the groceries. It means a lot to me."

Miyuki turned from where she was starting both tea and lunch, smiling.

"Of course."

Tadashi let go of Kaoru and turned on Die, kneeling down to hug him tightly, rubbing his back fondly.

"Spicy food and lemon juice. That's how I always get rid of colds."

Die slid an arm around Tadashi, pressing his face against his shoulder and just staying there for a long moment, his eyes closed while he soaked in the comfort he needed. When he pulled back, he smiled softly and then nodded a little.

"This is making me miserable."

Tadashi frowned, patting Die's cheek.

"That's why we're here. I told you, if you ever need anything, just call us."

Miyuki came over with a small bowl of wasabi peas.

"Spicy food is a good idea, it will clear you up, here."

Die nodded a little. He hadn't wanted to bother them really. But he was so exhausted and worn down that he was barely functioning anymore. The truth was, he needed a day off to just rest before he could even think about getting better. He wiped at one leaky eye, before reaching for some of the wasabi peas, eating a few of them.

"Thank you... both of you."

Miyuki smiled and rubbed a hand over Die's hair, going back to cooking and making tea. Kaoru came over and sat on the floor beside Die's chair, reaching to pinch Asako's cheeks.

"Oooh, I missed you so much, booger!"

Die ate a few more peas, giving one to Asako when she flailed for it. She popped it into her mouth and he smiled, shifting her onto Kaoru's lap for a moment while he got up to go blow his nose, coming back with the little trash bin, some hand sanitizer, and a box of tissue, plopping back down.

Asako made a terrible face at the pea, not really accustomed to the concept of spicy yet, and Kaoru laugh, bouncing her on his knee and giving her some of the apple juice she had in her sippy cup to get rid of the heat. He lifted her up against his chest and hugged her, her little arms going around his neck. When Die came back in, Miyuki put a big mug of hot tea in front of him, sweetened with honey. Die gave her a smile and wrapped his hands around the warm mug, sipping at it and making a pleased little sound. This was much better than what he'd made earlier. Looking tired, he continued to sip at it, just holding the mug in both hands, not minding the heat.

Kaoru leaned his head on Die's thigh, just cradling Asako, who was still a little sleepy from the car ride. Tadashi sat down with some store-bought sushi and handed Die a pair of chopsticks, picking up a roll with his own.

"Die-san, you look worn, you should eat."

Die blinked blearily at Tadashi, but put down the mug and took the chopsticks, peering at the sushi roll to make sure it was something he could stomach. It appeared to be a California roll and he picked up a piece, putting it in his mouth and chewing on it. Once he'd swallowed, he smiled.

"Thanks," he murmured.

Tadashi gave a nod and a small smile, putting some on a smaller plate and setting it on his son's knee, rubbing his hair affectionately. Kaoru gave a tiny grin and popping on into his mouth, cooing softy to Asa. Die ate a few pieces before he picked up his tea, finishing it off.

He blinked sleepily at them and then murmured, "I think... I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up in an hour and a half please?"

He stood up, wavering a little, a soft sound of annoyance leaving him before he shuffled off toward the bedroom. Kaoru watched Die go, all of them waving at him, feeling sorry for how obviously sick he was. Miyuki finished making a large traditional lunch and the four of them sat around at the table eating and talking, Kaoru feeding Asako. After nearly two hours, Kaoru went and crawled into bed with Die, rubbing his back to try and wake him up gently.

"Hey baby... do you want to keep sleeping? Mom saved you a big plate of food."

Die sort of groaned, rolling over just a little bit, his pillow wet from drooling on it. He let out a little sigh that was so particular to Die feeling like crap and being woken up.

He blinked a little and swallowed before murmuring, "Would you bring it to me?"

He didn't even think about how he was putting Kaoru out asking him to bring it to him right then. He just felt like his world was in a haze. Kaoru chuckled a little, not minding at all, feeling like he was getting the opportunity to make up for all Die had been doing for him. He leaned and kissed Die's brow for a long moment, stroking his hair, before pulling back.

"Sure, pumpkin."

He went into the kitchen and heated up Die's plate in the microwave, bringing a fork, not thinking Die would want to fool with chopsticks, being sick, a napkin, and some iced tea. Once Kaoru came back in with everything, he smiled softly and accepted it, thanking him quietly. He put the tea on the nightstand and then took his plate, starting to eat, enjoying how it all tasted and knowing neither of them had to stand around and make it.

"Did they mind I went to bed?" he asked quietly, hoping they hadn't.

Kaoru sat down with a little frown, rubbing Die's shoulders.

"No, no, of course not. They came down here to give you a break, it was fine."

Die ate a little bit more and then sipped at his iced tea. He wanted to be honest, to tell Kaoru he felt overwhelmed. But he also didn't want to make his lover feel bad. So, instead, he just quietly continued on with his meal, not opening his mouth about it. Kaoru sat with him for a little while, leaning to kiss his forehead and stand, about to go into the living room to watch a kids’ movie on TV with his parents and niece.

"Do you have to work tonight?"

He hoped not, or that Die could call in sick. He needed at least one day to rest. Die laughed softly and then shook his head.

"Trust me... snotting on customers wouldn't get me tips. Last night I was already told I looked terrible. I told them I was taking the day off and they looked...happy."

Kaoru sat back down, putting an arm around Die.

"How's it been going? Sorry I haven't been staying up for when you get home."

"It's been going pretty well... getting quite a few tips and I'm doing really well with the drinks." He gave him a little laugh and then shook his head, "And a stack of numbers I throw out each night."

Kaoru nuzzled Die's hair and kissed his ear.

"Of course you do, you're probably the sexiest thing those losers have seen in years."

Die snorted.

"It's not just the losers that end up giving me their numbers. Two boyfriends have been very mad at their significant other's over this." He rolled his eyes. "Dumbasses."

Kaoru rolled his eyes, as well.

"Do you take your ring off when you're working? I mean, I guess it only works to get tips because you're hot if they think you're single, right?"

Die shook his head.

"I don't, actually. And I still get lots of tips. They all think it's not real, I guess."

Kaoru laughed, squeezing Die to him for a moment.

"Pfft. I'd never give my baby fake diamonds."

He kissed Die's ear again, nuzzling on him affectionately.

Die almost spit his iced tea out, laughing.

"No no, like they think I'm just wearing it, not that it means something."

"We're watching a movie in the living room. Do you want to come join us, or are you going to chill out in here today?"

After a moment, he listened to Kaoru and then nodded.

"Sure, I'll come out."

Kaoru smiled and got up, rubbing Die's hair.

"OK. Just come in when you're done eating."

Die nodded a little and picked up his fork again, eating as much as he possibly could before he got up and wandered into the living room with his iced tea and tissues, plopping down in the armchair and curling up, putting everything on the table beside him. Kaoru looked like an overgrown child on the couch, laying with his head in Miyuki's lap and his legs over Tadashi's. Asako was on the floor in front of the TV with her favorite stuffed doll, noticing Die and crawling over to him, sitting between his legs. They had just started watching The Princess and the Frog and the little girl seemed mesmerized, tugging at Die's pajama pants leg excitedly. Die smiled happily at them all, picking up Asako and putting her in his lap, wrapping his arms around her.

"You going to enjoy the movie?" he asked softly, petting her hair a little.

Asako bounced in his lap, grinning and pointing at the screen using her little doll.

"Hime!"

Kaoru laughed, smiling at the both of them. He just smiled and ruffled her hair a little. Leaning back, he relaxed, his eyes mostly on those around him rather than on the screen. Kaoru was nearly asleep halfway through the movie, Asa giggling up storms with Tadashi over the movie, Miyuki distracted by playing with Kaoru's hair, obviously lost somewhere in her thoughts. Die was only kept awake by the fact that he had a giggling child in his arms. The cold really was kicking his ass and he felt like every moment was just another little drag of time he had to keep plodding through.

Asako seemed content despite Die's misery, snuggling up with him and watching the movie through to the end. When it was over, Miyuki slid out from under Kaoru and went to make more tea, bring Die another big mug of it.

"Oh, honey, you look... go back to bed. Please? You look ready to faint."

Asako seemed sleepy, as well, and Kaoru had dozed through the last half of the movie.

Tadashi stretched, standing up.

"Maybe we should all take a little nap, hmm?"

Miyuki nodded, scooping Asako up out of Die's lap.

"I should change her first." She pointed between Die and her son. "I'll wake you when dinner's ready."

Die blinked up at Miyuki, it taking a moment for him to compute what on earth she was saying. Once he got it, he licked his lips a little and took the mug, sipping at it and nodding.

"When I finish my tea... I'll go back to bed." He sighed softly. "It's been a while since I was this sick... I hate that I'm sick while you guys are here."

Miyuki shook her head and rubbed his hair to let him know it was OK, going into the bathroom to change Asako. Kaoru got up and stretched, going over to kiss the top of Die's head.

"I'm going to go ahead and lay down, maybe read for a while."

Tadashi stood and hugged his son, going off to the guest room for a cat nap, Miyuki following behind once Asako was clean. Die remained behind for a little while, sipping at his tea and then texting Kyo.

_Hey, you... what're you up to?_

For whatever reason, he felt like talking to his friend and he didn't think he had to have a particular thing in mind to do it. Kyo texted back in a hurry.

_Getting tour things finalized, teching next week. How are you and the boy?_

_I'm sick as hell... got a terrible cold. Kaoru's been dragging around a lot. Chemo's coming up._

He sent it back and then picked up his tea cup again, drinking a few more sips.

_Oh no! Aw, hun, I'm sorry. After I finish up this tour, I'm going to try and come stay with you for a while, help you out, OK?_

Die smiled a little bit before he put the mug down and replied.

_Kay... with work it's so hard sometimes. It's like having two jobs. Get off from the bar and come home to help Kaoru... and feel bad the whole time I'm at the bar because I'm not at home with him._

Kyo hummed to himself.

_You're amazing for sticking by him like that. You know he loves you to death for it._

Die let out a little hum and then typed out a reply.

_I know he does. And I love him or else I wouldn't be here._

He sent it and then got up, going to the kitchen and putting the teacup in the sink before he wandered back through the house, making sure lights were off and whatnot, heading for the bedroom, his phone on vibrate. Kaoru was curled up in the middle of the bed with a book, reading by the light coming in through the curtains. He smiled and shifted over, patting the bed.

"C'mere, baby. My poor pumpkin is pitiful right now..."

Die wandered over, scooting in under the covers and curling up next to Kaoru, his head on his chest.

"I hate being sick."

Kaoru purred, putting his book aside and loving on Die.

"Best to get it out of the way now. Chemo would make me put you in quarantine with this. But I'll cuddle my sick baby while I can.”

Die frowned a little. He hadn't even thought about that. If he did get sick when chemo started, he'd be totally fucked and unable to help Kaoru at all. He thought about it and decided maybe he should buy some face masks and just wear them all the time around Kaoru after he started chemo. Because the most contagious part of any sickness was before symptoms started to appear. Kaoru pet Die's hair, rubbing his back in circles with the other hand.

"I hope you start feeling better soon, honey."

Die nodded a little and then yawned.

"Me, too..." after a moment of pause, he murmured, "Kyo said he's gonna try to come by after the tour for a while."

Kaoru pulled his fingers through Die's hair, smelling it, nuzzling his nose in it.

"Good, you need the support."

He didn't really know what to say to that. It was true, he did... almost desperately so. But he also didn't like to have to admit it to Kaoru. Shifting a little, he opened a text to Kyo and quickly thumbed it out.

_Hey, you never replied to the video. You guys get a chance to watch it?_

_Haha, not yet. Fea had to go back to New York for a while, I'm waiting to be with him again to watch it._

Kaoru kept up his currying of Die's hair, lulling himself to sleep with it.

"Love you. I hope things don't get too bad."

_Ah, well, I hope you guys do enjoy it when you get to see it. Gonna go nap for a while. -hugs_

He peered up at Kaoru.

"I love you, too, baby..." he snuggled down further against him, his phone resting on Kaoru's chest while he closed his eyes and curled against the heat.

 

 

When Miyuki woke them for dinner, Kaoru decided to let Die have his rest, getting up and eating to spend some time with his family, playing with Asako, before returning to bed for sleep. In the morning, he hugged up against his lover's back, kissing along his shoulders and rubbing his morning wood against Die's skinny ass, warm and comfy and not willing to get out of bed just yet. Die woke up to the feeling of Kaoru plastered to his back, rubbing his dick against his ass. He pushed back against him a little, a tiny moan bubbling up from his throat. It felt so nice to have Kaoru near him like this, it really did. Kaoru purred back, nuzzling Die's ear, starting to prod at him with his cock a little more obviously.

"Mmm, ohayou. How are you feeling, pumpkin?"

A little breathless chuckle left Die.

"Mmm... much better now that I've slept some and now that you're... doing _that_."

Kaoru laughed again, a hoarse chuckle at the back of this throat. He sucked on Die's earlobe and ground himself against Die's clothed ass.

"Hnn... my parents are in the other room, Mom's probably up and making breakfast, it would be so _naughty_!"

Nonetheless, he smoothed one hand over Die's chest under his shirt and then down into his underwear, pulling it slowly aside and then down.

"We have to be quiet. Lazy morning sex."

His mouth never left his lover's skin as he spoke, slowly and sloppily kissing across his throat and shoulder. Die let out a little whine and then nodded. His hips lifted enough to let Kaoru free him of his bottoms before he settled back down again, sort of rubbing against the bed in a lazy fashion, feeling rather worked up from the dream he'd been having anyway. Being woken up this way only increased it.

Kaoru pushed Die's pajama pants down and then kicked them off his lover, sliding a hand up between Die's silken thighs and finding the wet, hot slit between them, rubbing absently while he sucked at Die's neck, nuzzling and nibbling softly. His hips arched back into the touch, enjoying the way it felt against his lips, the nerve endings there enjoying the attention. His ass wiggled a little and he rubbed his cheek into the pillow with a soft groan. Kaoru kept rubbing, sliding one finger into his lover slowly, kissing back up his neck and over his jaw, licking his cheek playfully. Die gasped, hips jerking a little while he clutched onto a pillow.

"Fuck," he breathed out a little.

Kaoru purred, toying at Die just a bit longer before slipping back and lifting his lover's leg, carefully guiding himself in with a satisfied grunt. He hugged Die to him, enjoying the heat enveloping him, before he began to thrust his hips slowly, grinding. When Kaoru slid inside, Die let out a pleased moan and arched back into him, burying his face in the pillows to try to muffle the sounds he was currently making, knowing well they didn't want to be actually caught. Kaoru chuckled quietly, moving a little faster, his hand sliding down Die's stomach to rub at his clit.

"Shhhhh!"

Die whined a little.

"Feels too good," he hissed out, knowing well he couldn't be all that quiet right then.

Kaoru laughed softly, reaching under Die's head to cover his mouth, kissing his ear more enthusiastically and thrusting faster, jerking his lover off. Die let out a little whimper and then licked Kaoru's hand, spearing his tongue between his fingers in a sort of dirty manner while he arched into the touches. Kaoru growled, nipping Die's throat, cupped against his back and moving faster.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum, baby."

Die let out another moan against Kaoru's hand, starting to work against the bed as well in a desperate move to get closer, faster. It wasn't but a few more moments and he could feel his orgasm bearing down on him, though he was sure it wasn't going to be quite fast enough to get off before Kaoru finished. Kaoru moved harder, crushing Die against him. He stilled, buried in his lover, his cock pulsing his load into the other, hand still working over Die's cock, sucking at his neck.

Once he felt Kaoru empty himself into him, it didn't take long to push him over the edge, a quiet cry leaving his lips before he started to pulse around Kaoru's cock. Kaoru shivered at the feeling around his now hyper-sensitive cock, wrapping his arms around Die and slipping out of him slowly once his lover was finished, hugging onto him, still spooned chest-to-back, petting his lover all over. Die sank down against the covers and then clasped Kaoru's hand inside his own.

"I love you," he murmured out.

Kaoru purred, kissing Die's ear.

"Adore you, baby."

He wiggled his butt a little and then yawned.

"Mmm... I think a nice shower would be good."

Kaoru squeezed Die in a little hug and then nodded, getting up carefully and kissing Die again.

"You get a shower, I'll start making breakfast."

Die squirmed around and then got up, pulling his pants back on andthen traipsing off toward the bathroom. He closed the door and stripped off, stepping into the shower and starting to scrub off his body.

Kaoru shuffled off into the kitchen and fed Makoto, letting the puppy in from outside before he began making tea and coffee. He went about cutting up fruit for a salad and was peeling a kiwi when his mother slid into the kitchen, hugging him around the waist, still in her pajamas, and wordlessly started helping, making toast and eggs

It didn't take Die long before he was all the way done with his shower, completely freshened up and his hair dry. He slipped away from the bathroom and into the bedroom, quickly dressing in his jeans and t-shirt. Coming out, he smiled happily and slid onto a seat next to the counter.

"What are we having?" he asked quietly.

Miyuki turned and put a plate of toast with a fried egg on top in front of Die, a side of fried potatoes on the plate, and a small bowl of fruit salad. Kaoru poured his lover some tea and set it beside the plate with a little wink, going back to making a few more plates. Tadashi wandered out as they were finishing up breakfast, Asako on his hip. He patted Die's back fondly and sat down beside him at the counter, starting to feed Asako little bits of fruit.

Die dug into the food, not waiting on anyone else, feeling like he was starving and knowing it was his house. He peered up at Tadashi when he came in, smiling at him and then going back to his food, intrigued by the egg on the toast. Kaoru and his mother stood on the other side of the counter, eating their breakfasts quietly. Miyuki spoke up after a moment.

"Die-san, are you feeling any better? We were thinking about maybe going to the zoo since we have Asa-chan with us."

He peered up at her and then smiled, nodding.

"I feel a lot better just having slept and rested a lot. I think I could do the zoo slowly."

Kaoru smiled softly at him.

"Does that sound like fun, Asa? Do you want to go see the aminals?"

He spoke in a baby voice to her, making his niece squeal excitedly before getting a strawberry shoved into her mouth by Tadashi, who was still very sleepy and seemed to be on auto. Die let out a laugh and shook his head a little. Finishing up his piece of toast and egg, he reached for Asako, gently placing her in his lap and then taking the fruit that Tadashi had been feeding her, helping her eat it and letting Tadashi eat his own breakfast. Tadashi gave sort of a grunt of wordless thanks and dug in, Asako gurgling happily up at Die. Miyuki gave a little warble of amusement at the baby's enthusiasm for her son's partner, taking Die's plate and washing it along with her own, Kaoru refilling Die's tea.

Die turned her to face him and started making various noises to go along with the different fruits while he held them out to her. After a while, she started to make the noises back at him for the ones she liked best and he then started in on telling her what each fruit was in both English and Japanese as he gave it to her, beaming like a complete idiot.

Kaoru giggled a little behind his hand, his heart swelling to see how well Die handled Asako. It was amazing how quickly she picked things up from him, how he interacted with her on _her_ terms. It was clear the little girl loved him as much as any of the rest of them.

Once the finished up the bowl of fruit, Die made a little kissy face at her and gave her an air kiss, keeping his germs from her. He ran his hand through her hair and then smiled up at everyone else.

"She need to eat anything else?"

Miyuki put a sippy cup of Carnation Instant Breakfast in Asako's hands.

"Just that, she should be fine."

Die smiled a little and then nodded, watching her automatically latch onto the cup and start sucking at it. He ruffled her hair a little and then settled back, swinging one leg as he watched her. Kaoru helped clean up and then walked around to kiss Die's cheek.

"I'm going to go get a shower and then we can head out, K?"

His parents nodded, Tadashi going off to freshen up in the bathroom while Kaoru got clothes, the two of them switching out so Kaoru could shower. Die just sat there with Asako, making sure she was drinking her breakfast. Once she was done, he put her down to play with Mako and then started helping Miyuki clean up the kitchen.

"Thank you guys so much... you have no idea how much I've needed help. Between work and being sick, I felt like trying to be here for Kaoru was almost impossible to add to the list... and I feel like shit I can't add hours to the day."

Miyuki gave him a little side hug, drying her hands on a dish towel.

"It's why we came. We have to see him, but we know you're working so hard to look after him."

She smiled and turned to hug him properly.

"Thank you for taking good care of him."

He leaned fully into the hug, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling against her a little.

"I do my best," he murmured, offering her a soft smile.

"Well, your best is pretty good." She pulled back and smiled. "I'm going to go pack a diaper bag and get changed, we can go when Kaoru is ready."

She patted Die's arm again and went off, bend down to pat Asako's head as she passed her, still playing with Makoto on the floor. The puppy was very good with her, gentle and not biting. Die smiled again and then went to sit on the floor next to Asako and

Mako, making sure they were being okay with one another. Makoto got up and crawled into Die's lap, instead, Asako following, sitting in front of Die and slapping the floor excitedly, gurgling and exclaiming

"Dai Dai!"

Die started laughing and shifted Mako over to put Asako on his lap as well, holding the little girl around the waist and petting the puppy. Asako warbled happily, hugging onto him, patting Makoto at the same time. She pressed her cheek into Die's shirt, rubbing there. Die cooed happily at both of them, looking for all the world like he was on cloud nine.

Kaoru came out of the bathroom, dressed and clean, walking up behind Die and leaning over, kissing the top of his head. Tadashi and Miyuki were heading out of the guest room, looking ready to go.

"Ready, baby?"

Kaoru asked, rubbing his lover's shoulder. Gently removing Mako from his lap, Die pulled Asako closer and then stood up, being mindful of her the entire time. He smiled and nodded.

"Ready!" Peering at Asako, he murmured to her, "Ready to go to the zoo?!"

Kaoru hugged up against Die's back, pinching Asako's cheek.

"Aminals?"

She squealed loudly, squirming and kicking as she clapped her hands. Tadashi laughed loudly.

"I think she's ready."

Going out the back door, he climbed into the driver's seat of the Forester, Miyuki into the passenger, Kaoru locking up the house and putting Makoto in his pen before helping Die get Asako into the car seat in the back. Die laughed, holding onto her well enough that she wouldn't fall. Checking twice to make sure he had everything, he followed them outside and then buckled Asako up in her car seat, climbing in beside her and putting on his seat belt.

Kaoru climbed in on the other side and Tadashi backed out of the driveway, heading to the other side of the city towards the zoo. Kaoru stretched his arms across the backs of the seat, his hand on Die's shoulder, Asako facing them in her car seat, paying with a stuffed lamb. Die chuckled a little and patted Kaoru's hand before reaching and picking up a little stuffed pig, making it play with the lamb Asako had.

"Oink!" he exclaimed from the pig, making a little foot bat at the lamb.

Kaoru giggled a fit behind a hand, as did Asako, bouncing in her car seat and trying to make her lamb hug Die's pig. Kaoru felt his body flush all over, a powerful wave of love for Die coming over him at something so seemingly simple as watching him play with his niece. It always happened, but he never got used to it, it never got old. Die grinned happily and maneuvered his pig to hug the lamb as well.

"Awww, they like each other! Happy friends!" he informed her, making his pig dance a little.

Kaoru smiled, reaching across the back of the seat and rubbing Die's shoulder. Asako gurgled and reached out to hug both stuffed toys, squeezing Die's hand to her chest in the process.

"Awww, we like each other! Happy friends!" he informed her, making Die grinned at her and leaned down to press a little kiss to the top of her head before putting his arm around her waist and holding her, looking pleased with himself.

Asako gave a little squeal, Kaoru laughing. Miyuki turned around and laughed at all three of them, rolling her eyes.

"Practicing?"

Die flushed when Miyuki asked that and he shrugged a little.

"I really do want kids at some point... I adore them."

Miyuki's eyes softened and she reached back to touch Die's arm.

"I think you'd do wonderfully. I want more grandbabies, anyway, I can handle it!"

Die's eyes lit up and he blushed a little, putting his hand over hers.

"I really want to have a kid... I really do."

Miyuki wrinkled her nose in a kind of smile and then turned back around, Tadashi giving them both a little look in the rear view before putting a hand on his wife's knee. Asako was back to playing with the lamb and pig, making little noises that were sounding far more like words than they had just a few months ago. Die peered over at Kaoru when Miyuki turned back around, studying him to see how he was feeling right then. He reached over and gently squeezed his hand.

Kaoru turned his palm up and laced his fingers with Die's, giving him a little smile. He leaned back into the seat and relaxed, looking out the window as they got nearer to the zoo, pulling into the jungle-like parking lot (there were palm trees and tropical flowers planted in the islands) and finding a spot not too far from the entrance. Die looked out the windows, excited. The last time he'd been here, it was with Kyo and it brought back fond memories.

Kaoru got out and unbuckled Asako, carrying her on his hip. Die crawled out and looked about as excited as any kid in the parking lot did. Miyuki climbed down from the car and took Die's arm, heading with them all across the parking lot to the entrance. He gave Miyuki a surprised look when she took his arm, but he looped it with hers and his grin broadened if that was even possible. Tadashi insisted to pay the fee. Die thanked Tadashi for the entry payment and slipped through the turn styles, looking around excitedly. Walking through the little turn styles into the main atrium of the place, Kaoru waited on his parents to decide where to go first, but it was Asako that started pointed excitedly towards the swans and flamingos to their left.

"Yay! Flamingos!" he let out as soon as Asako pointed that way.

Kaoru chuckled brightly and started over to the birds, everyone else following. He got up to the fence around them and sat Asako on it, holding her firmly. She kicked her feet and squealed with excitement, scaring a swan off. Die still had his arm looped with Miyuki's, smiling as he came to a stop at the fence near a flamingo and peered curiously at it. It was halfway between being pink and white, obviously a new addition to the zoo in the way it was sort of awkward around the other flamingos and still half-toned. Miyuki kept Die's arm against her side and dug out her camera, taking photos of the birds. Kaoru leaned over and whispered in Die's ear, following his gaze to the half-white flamingo

"He's like you. He doesn't quite fit in yet, but that's what makes him special."

Die blushed a little and smiled at the awkwardness of the bird. Shifting the camera bag he had around his shoulder, he managed to get his camera out and around his neck, then turned it on and focused on the flamingo, cooing softly at it to make it look at him before he snapped the photo. Kaoru rested his head on Die's shoulder, letting Asako get her fill of excitement over the birds before picking her up and walking slowly around the section of birds to the tank with the otters. Tadashi seemed more excited than his granddaughter, honestly, getting up against the glass and pressing his hands to it, talking in baby speak to the furry little things zooming through the tank. Die couldn't help but grin at Tadashi, nudging him a little and then pointing to two who were swimming around together, occasionally rubbing sides and then darting off in opposite directions only to come right back to one another. Kaoru wrapped one around Die's shoulder, hugging onto him from behind with Asako on his opposite hip.

"Aaaw, they're in love!"

"They must be. So adorable,"

Die murmured, leaning to peck Kaoru's cheek, daring to do it in public, hoping no one would start something while he was out with Kaoru's parents. Kaoru put Asako down, letting her tap on the glass and watch the otters, Miyuki branching off from Die to stand with her husband, letting Kaoru wrap his arms fully around Die and kiss his cheek in return. Miyuki snapped a quick picture, smiling. Die leaned back into Kaoru's touch, making a happy little sound, a big smile on his lips.

"Mmm... I envy them. In the water all day."

It'd been forever since Die had been swimming and he honestly missed it a great deal. Tadashi perked up.

"You should come up to the lake, spend a weekend with us. The water feels so good this time of year."

Die's eyes brightened.

"I can swim in the lake?"

He looked pleased with this revelation, his body anticipating the feel of the water over his skin already. Both Tadashi and Miyuki nodded.

"Of course!"

Kaoru squeezed Die around the waist.

"Maybe next weekend, when I start my off-week, we can go up, if you can get the time off work, yeah?"

Die nodded.

"I actually have three days off next week. But it's Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. They need me every Friday and Saturday. And I traded with a girl to work her Monday shift cause she has a doctor's appointment. I'll be bussing tables Monday."

Kaoru nodded.

"We'll see how I'm feeling. If I can stand the car ride, we'll go, OK?"

Die smiled.

"That'd be sweet."

He rubbed Kaoru's side and then motioned toward the top of the spiral of tanks.

"Let's go see the sea lions, yes?"

Kaoru nodded, Asako toddling along beside them, preferring to walk on her own for a while, Miyuki and Tadashi hand-in-hand behind her to make sure she didn't trip. Die grinned down at her, looking damn pleased with himself for the time being. Once they arrived at the sea lions, Die immediately barked at them, getting a response from two of the older males. Kaoru burst out laughing, holding his stomach. Asako clapped at the call and response and tried to bark, too, holding onto the bars separating them from the pool. Die gave Kaoru a mock pout, giggling after and helping Asako call them so that they'd respond to her as well. When they did, he peered at her to see what her response was. A scream of joy left her and she looked up at Die, losing her balance and falling down on her butt, still laughing. Die chuckled at her and reached down to scoop her up into his arms, prancing proudly off toward the polar bears.

Kaoru and his parents followed, Kaoru sliding up beside his lover and putting a hand in the crook of his elbow. Asako seemed more fascinated by the butterflies at the bush they were standing behind than the bear for the moment. Die watched one of the bears play with a huge red ball in the water, still wearing his rather unstoppable grin. He settled Asako on the rail, making sure she was leaning on him and then dug out a tissue to blow his nose with. Miyuki came up on Die's other side, Tadashi in tow, and tickled Asako's cheek.

"Aaaaw, look how good your Uncle Dai is with you!"

Die put his tissue away and then curled an arm around Asako again and smiled a little.

"I like being an Uncle," he murmured.

As if on cue, Asako leaned back into him more and gurgled happily, pointing at the bears and making little noises. Kaoru smiled and kissed his lover's cheek, tucking an arm around his narrow hips.

"Those are polar bears," he told Asako. "Do you like them?"

Asako nodded, clapping her hands.

"Po'wah be-ohs."

It was close enough. Die giggled and nodded.

"Yes!"

He rubbed her hair and then glanced at the others, seeing if they wanted to move to the next exhibit or not. Kaoru tugged on his lover's arm.

"There are lemurs over there."

His parents started in the direction of the next exhibit and Kaoru tugged on Die gently, giving him a smile. Die picked up Asako and sort of bounded off toward the next exhibit, looking quite pleased about himself and their activities.

"Lemurssssss!" he let out excitedly.

Asako squealed along with him, pointing at the ring-tailed animals, clapping when one pounced around in a circle near them. Kaoru took out his phone and snapped a photo of them, smirking. Die had to hold back a sound of excitement, helping Asako by clapping as well after he sat her on the railing and circled his arms around here.

"Oh my god, that's so cute."

Miyuki laughed, leaning around Die to kiss Asako's cheek.

"I'm going to go get a frozen lemonade. I'll bring Asa-chan back some, too, OK?"

She grabbed Kaoru's wrist and made him come with her.

"Come on, you can help me carry them, I'll get some for everybody."

Die beamed at her and then nodded, pointing off toward the prairie dogs.

"I'll take Asako to go visit them, okay?"

Miyuki nodded and Tadashi followed along with them, a smug look on his face. It was good to be like this, out together, enjoying things. It was a thin crust, after all, over the grave situations that were the reality of their lives just then. Tadashi laughed at the little tunnels under the prairie dog exhibit where one could crawl through and see them up close.

"Do you want to take her through?"

Die looked excited and then nodded.

"Oh yeah! This should be fun!"

He crouched down and gently sat Asako next to the first one, prodding her forward until she started to do it on her own. He crawled in behind her and started through, peering at the creatures through the Plexiglas. Asako stood up in the first little bubble to look out onto the grass at the little creatures, screaming with joy. She grabbed Die by the hair, the first thing she could get a hold of, and tried to pull him close to see.

"DaiDai! DaiDai! Doggie!"

Die let out a little choked sound before the simply moved closer so as to avoid the hair pulling. He laughed softly and disentangled her hand from his hair, nodding.

"Yes! Prairie Dogs!"

Asako giggled, hugging onto Die and feeling his soft hair, looking at prairie dogs over his shoulder. She was more than content with the man, thinking him both a comforting figure and a plaything. Die chuckled a little and then scooted her along to go see some babies in one of the little nests.

"Look, Asa... baby doggies!"

Asa gave a little gasp and pressed her hands against the dome, looked at the tiny little things wriggling about. She gave a soft little laugh and let herself fall back against Die, pointing.

"Ee! Rittle tiny doggies."

Her voice was sweet and adorable, somewhere between a slight Japanese accent and simply being still but a child. She turned around and pointed emphatically at Die.

"DaiDai, Uncle Kaoru have babies."

It wasn't a question but almost a demand, her little eyebrows furrowed together. Die was grinning like a total idiot. He adored Asa so much and he loved watching her enjoy this, the feeling lodging deep inside of him as well. When she pointed at him and spoke about them having children, he blushed a little and then leaned in to press a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"We want to, sweetheart."

Asako didn't really understand why they didn't just have one, but she didn't press it, hugging onto Die before dropping down onto her bottom and starting to crawl out of the other end of the tunnel. Die smiled, crawling after her and then slipping out of the tunnel. Coming out, he stood up and brushed off, picking her up and then peering into the other side of the enclosure.

Kaoru came up to them with a frozen lemonade, his own pink, and handed Die a regular one with a little smile. Miyuki had a pink one for herself and Asako and Tadashi had already been given a plain lemon one. Die grinned, taking it and opening the top, ripping off the plastic and then stabbing the spoon into the top a few times before he got a piece of it off and shoved it in his mouth.

Miyuki lifted Asako onto her hip and went over to sit on a bench and feed it to the little girl. Kaoru followed her and sat on the curb of the sidewalk, eating his frozen lemonade. He patted the ground beside him for Die to take that place while Tadashi took the spot on the bench next to his wife. Die looked at the ground beside Die and then looked at Kaoru's lap. Smirking a bit, he plunked himself down right on Kaoru's lap and made himself comfortable before scooping out some more frozen lemonade.

Kaoru made a little 'oomph', but didn't complain, putting his arms around Die and going back to eating his treat. He could tell some parents were not pleased about them being open around their children, but he honestly didn't give a fuck. Die perched there, doing his best to look girly right then, not really wanting to have a fight while Kaoru's parents were around. He squirmed a little on his new seat and smirked around a bite of his treat. Kaoru chuckled softly, kissing Die's cheek with cold lips. Asako was making a mess with her lemonade, but was enjoying it, her chin coated in pink drool.

Die glanced back at her and then leaned closer to Kaoru and whispered, "She said she wants us to have a baby."

Kaoru's eyes went wide and he leaned back to look at Die.

"Who, Asa? ...Really?"

He nodded a little.

"Yeah. While we were looking at the baby doggies."

Kaoru blushed, his face softening into a smile.

"She wants cousins to play with."

"Probably. But she's so goddamn adorable... I love her to pieces."

Kaoru smiled, hugging Die. "

Mm, she loves you, too, honey."

"Yeah... just like you, right, pumpkin?"

He grinned at him and nuzzled back against him a little, finishing off his frozen lemonade. Kaoru wrinkled his nose and pecked Die's cheek with cold lips.

"Of course, pumpkin!"

He finished off the treat as well and tossed both their cups into the trashcan beside them, making it in from where he sat, clasping his hands around Die's waist and keeping his lover in his lap for the time being, his parents still eating. Die purposely squirmed around in his lap, intent upon making him have a little wood before he got up. He just hoped it would actually work, a tiny smirk on his face and a glitter in his eyes. Kaoru gave a purr deep in the back of his throat, tugging Die a little closer to him and biting his ear.

"Bad boy," he said in a low voice, standing up and hauling Die to his feet at the same time before he ended up walking around the zoo with is parents with a hard-on.

He winked at Die a little with a smirk, wandering off to a water fountain to rinse his hands and get a drink. Die let out a little whine that was just high enough for Kaoru to hear him, but not loud enough for anyone else. Shivering a bit, he got up when Kaoru made sure he did, blinking a little at him and then smirking as he watched him go off to wash his hands. Coming back, Kaoru slipped his hand in Die's, Miyuki cleaning Asako up with a wet wipe, ready to go on to the aquarium. Tadashi stood and stretched a bit, taking the little girl and smiling at what he could easily think of now as simply "his sons", heading towards the air conditioned building.

Die just sort of followed with them. He wanted to go on to see the big cats before they went into the aquarium, but he decided that they'd probably get to that soon enough. Wandering into the building, he moved to go look at the rays in the first tank, peering in.

Kaoru put his hand in the tank and let one glide under his fingertips. Miyuki carefully leaned Asako over the edge and let her touch one, too, leaving the girl to squeal and splash after a slimy creature brushed against her palm. Kaoru had to turn away not to get splashed in the face, chuckling at her. He tucked an arm around Die's narrow waist, pulling the other close to his side, watching the graceful things lazily circle the tank. Die leaned against him and nuzzled a little bit into Kaoru. He reached to touch one and it just kept circling under his hand like it was glad to have his fingertips brush over its back. He smiled.

"I think it wants to go home with me."

Kaoru laughed, rested his cheek on Die's shoulder, sneaking his hand around to Die's front pocket.

"Mm, I'm sure Mako would enjoy that."

"I'm certain. He'd be enthralled." He smirked a little and then made a little face. "I think I need to pee," he mumbled, rubbing his abdomen a little bit.

"Me, too."

He touched his mother's arm and jerked his head towards the exit; there were restroom just across from the aquarium.

"We'll be back in a bit, we'll come find you."

She nodded and Kaoru led the way out towards the restroom. Die blinked a little, but didn't question it, just starting off after Kaoru towards the restrooms, his hands stuck in his pockets. Evidently the lemonade was trying to come out rather quickly. Kaoru pulled open the door and immediately started doing a discrete check of the place. There was a father with his son at the urinals, finishing up, and he walked up to one at the end of the row, quickly relieving himself. Die followed him in and then moved to a urinal near Kaoru, making sure he was hidden enough as he unzipped and then used his StP device, holding it in place and then starting to relieve himself with a soft sigh that showed how much he really had to go. After the father and son had left, Kaoru quickly jogged to the door, checked outside quickly, and grabbed the "closed for cleaning" sign in the corner, setting it up outside the door and locking it behind him, going back and leaning against the wall, giving Die a look. He was just finishing up when he glanced up at Kaoru locking the door, tilting his head at him.

"What's up?" he asked, not really believing his mind telling him that Kaoru was wanting to get it on.

Kaoru swaggered over to Die with a smirk on his face, grabbing his lover's ass and pulling him against him.

"We've gotta make this quick," he informed plainly as he leaned to nibble at Die's earlobe. "Pick a spot."

Die gasped slightly, shaking off his device and then just sticking it back in his pocket. He'd clean it later. For now, it was dry enough, he supposed.

"Right here," he hissed out, shoving his pants down around his ankles and then pushing his ass toward him, practically begging for it.

Kaoru growled and pressed up against Die's back, reaching under him to finger his pussy while he stroked himself into full hardness. It took hardly any time before he unceremoniously shoved into Die and started to really pound him, biting at his ear, hard. Die let out a groan, arching back against him, his eyes rolling back in his head. Something about having sex in places like this always set him on edge really quickly.

"Fuck, baby," he groaned out. "Yeah, pound it, pound it hard."

Kaoru grunted, squeezing Die around the waist.

"Nn, your pussy is so fucking tight right now. Does this hurt?"

Some part of him wanted Die to say yes. Die shuddered a little bit.

"It does, just a little bit. But in that good way," he let out, pushing his ass further back toward him.

Kaoru held onto Die's hips and picked up the pace, pressing his forehead into the Die's shoulder.

"Feels so good... nn, fuck, I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered out, wiggling his butt slightly and then shoving back toward him.

Kaoru bit Die's shoulder through his t-shirt, pressing one hand against the wall.

"Fuck..."

His breathing became quick and shallow and he knew he was already close.

"Fuck baby... did I work you up that well?" Die hissed out, sliding his hand down to stroke at his lady dick, doing it rather frantically, knowing this had to be fast.

Kaoru groaned, grinding against Die.

"Yes, oh fuck yes."

His lips found Die's ear and he suckled at the lobe hungrily, his hand not supporting him against the wall sliding under Die's shirt to a nipple, plucking at it. Die cried out as softly as he could, given the circumstance, sliding one finger in his slit, rubbing lightly along the folds until he shuddered and started to cum, his insides pulsing around Kaoru's dick. Kaoru put his arms tight around Die and gave a few more thrusts as he felt his lover cum, following closely, moaning into Die's shoulder. He kept moving for a moment and then stopped, staying inside Die before slipping out and rubbing his fingers along the other's slit, bringing them to his mouth and sucking them clean. Die let out a soft purr, shuddering at the feeling of Kaoru's fingers slicking up their combined essence, knowing where it was going right after. A smile slid across his lips as he started to tug up his pants and then tucked his packer back in properly. Kaoru tucked himself away, as well, spinning Die around and hugging him close, kissing him soft and slow, pouring calm affection out to the other man.

"Nn... well that was nice."

He pulled back and smiled. Die grinned into the kiss and then chuckled.

"Mmm.. very much!"

He gently tugged his hair and then reached to flush his toilet before bouncing over toward the sink to wash his hands. Kaoru gave a little laugh, then, following Die, realizing this was probably the most unsanitary sex they'd ever had, but he ignored it. He washed his hands up, too, and dried them, then turned Die towards him, fixing his lover's hair to cover up the dark hickie he'd left on his neck. Die laughed softly, grinning at him and then moving to the door and opening it, slipping outside after a quick look to see if anyone was staring (which they weren't). He toed the sign back inside and then stuffed his hands into his pockets, heading nonchalantly toward the starfish exhibit. Kaoru chuckled, fixing himself up a bit and waiting, not wanting to look suspicious, before following out after Die, sliding up beside him at the starfish and hugging onto his arm.

"They're oddly cute... I wonder what it's like to be one."

He stood there watching the little thing twitch slightly before feeling little arms around his leg. Looking down, he saw Asako hugging his calf and staring up at him with a big grin. He looked around and saw his parents at the far end of the exhibit. Smiling, he reached down and picked her up, putting her on his hip and kissing her forehead.

"Look, Asa-chan! Star fish!"

"Boring I'd think... going nowhere fast, always stuck to something and having no brain," Die shook his head. "No fun at all."

He glanced at Kaoru when his arms disappeared from around him and then grinned at seeing Asako.

"Wanna touch one?"

They had a little tank that allowed the touching of specific ones for the day.

"Hai!" Asako clapped and made hands at Die, Kaoru laughing and passing her off.

"Go on, Super Uncle, make her day!"

Die took her and wandered over to the touching tank, helping her high enough to lean over, showing her how to touch the starfish before he held her little hand and helped her touch it properly. Asako made little babbling sounds and giggled softly, running his fingers over the odd creature. Kaoru beamed and took out his phone, snapping a photo of them, sending it to Facebook.

_My honey with my niece._

Before hitting send, he corrected himself, captioning it instead,

_My honey with **our** niece._

Die absolutely beamed at the camera, thrilled to be getting photographic evidence of their outing with Asako and Kaoru's parents. All traces of his cold had evaporated, or rather, he just didn't care as much now that he had something to be happy and starry-eyed about. Kaoru smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket, going to gently poke at a hermit crab, noticing his parents down at the large tank, Tadashi standing behind his wife, his arms around her shoulders. From their posture and the ease with which they composed themselves with each other, they could have easily been a young couple as they were a couple of over thirty years. Die peered at what Kaoru was doing, reaching to touch a different starfish.

"I love petting tanks. It's so cool!"

Kaoru laughed softly at Die, standing by his lover and niece, watching them play. A headache was creeping up on him, but he didn't show it. Everyone was having too much fun; it was such a good day with all the people he loved most. He would do like he knew best and hide the pain and let this happy moment stay untarnished.

Asako held onto Die tightly, stretching herself to a sea cucumber, rubbing her fingers over it and making little retching sounds, jerking her hand away enough to splash both she and Die with water, her face a priceless mask of disgust. Kaoru nearly doubled over laughing. Die started cackling and then reached to touch it himself, finding it sort of slimy and odd feeling, but not stopping touching it anyway. Smirking, he moved to a sea snail and pointed at it.

"Want to touch that one, Asa-chan?"

At that point, Asako was feeling rather suspicious, shaking her head and tucker hands up against her chest. Die laughed softly at her and then reached to touch it himself. After a moment, he pulled back and then moved them off toward the hand washing station, helping her with washing her hands and then putting her down and washing his own, kneeling just after to dry both of their hands with a paper towel. Asako let him wash her up, toddling off when he was done, going to her grandmother and hugging onto her leg, watching a little green fish go darting around in the tank. Just then, Die's phone buzzed with a text message.

_Hey, it's Fea._

Die wandered after her, pausing when his phone vibrated, standing beside a little tank with a suckerfish plastered to the side of the tank. Smiling, he pulled out his phone and peered at the fish before he looked at the screen. Surprise filled his face and he quickly returned the message.

_Hey, you. I miss you!_

A moment later, he quickly saved Fea's number so he'd be able to contact him in the future.

Fea grinned, sitting on his balcony in New York.

_Miss you, too! I got your number from Kyo. Wanted to see how you and Kaoru were doing. Has he started chemo yet? :(_

_I saved your number so I have it now! And no, he hasn't started yet. Tomorrow is when he starts. I've had a bad cold, but Kaoru's parents came and saved the day._

 

_That's really sweet of them. My dad is great and all and he knows I'm queer, but... I don't think he'd want to meet Kyo anytime soon. I'm already the disgrace of the family, LOL_

He shifted, biting his lip before adding.

_So I have to be that weird friend's boyfriend and ask you... do you think it's weird that me and Kyo are going kind of fast?_

Die read the reply, moving to a bench and sitting down, occasionally glancing up at the sea turtles in the tank behind him.

_No, I don't think it's weird you're going so fast... in fact, I don't consider it fast. Unless you're going to tell me you got married and I wasn't invited. In which case, fuck you, sir._

He sent it off, chuckling under his breath, hoping Fea would get that he was joking.

Fea sort bit his lip at that, crossing his legs.

_No, we didn't go elope. I haven't seen him in almost a month, really. It's killing me! But I do kind of almost feel like, in my heart, we're already married. I don't really think about there being any period where we get more serious, emotionally. It's like I already know this is it, he's the one. ...I want to ask him for us to live together after this tour is over._

Die smiled softly, at least not feeling any swell of jealousy like he thought he might at the news. It made him happy.

_I'm glad you feel that way about him. He needs someone to love and care about him like that. I think that you two are good together._

Fea felt himself blush.

_Thank you. You're his best friend, I know I need your approval for any of this to work out. I don't know if he'll say yes, though, or where we would end up living together. I'm scared we live too different of lives for this to work out._

He sent the message and then felt bad, writing another.

_I'm sorry, I feel really self-absorbed. I want you to know I'm thinking about you and Kaoru, too, and I hope everything is OK with him. Me and Kyo both really miss you guys._

Die had started to reply to the first one, but quickly read the second and then started over.

_It's fine. I honestly like the distraction. I've been worrying myself sick for forever now. And by the way, move here. >.>_

He sent it off and then turned to stare at a puffer fish, an odd look coming over his face. He reached out to touch the glass in front of him.

"Hey, you... do you remember me?" he asked it softly, another memory floating through his mind at the sight of the little guy.

_HAHA! That would be kind of great, actually... if he and I had our shared home near you, nowhere big or important, just relaxed for when we get to be together. I like that, I'll consider it._

Kaoru came over and sat down next to Die, smiling at him talking to the little fish

_I like that, too. My friends close by. Sounds like heaven._

He sent it off and then went back to the puffer fish, his hand ghosting over the glass in a slow motion back and forth, the fish following along, diving and turning around quickly at the end of each path. Kaoru giggled behind his hand, watching Die and the fish.

"Aaaaw, little cutie likes you!"

"He remembers me I think... from when we came with Kyo."

He smiled and then moved his phone toward the glass, turning on the camera function and taking a short video of the fish. He sent it off to Fea and Kyo and then closed his phone, putting it back in his lap and continuing to play with him. Kaoru scoot up beside Die more and rested his chin on his lover's shoulder, watching him and the fish. Fea sent back a video of the street below his balcony, taxis and cars and foot traffic. Die smiled softly, reaching to stroke over Kaoru's hair a little. When the new message came in, he watched the video and then replied with a message.

_I think the fish remembers me from when we came with Kyo. :)_

The stroking to his hair made Kaoru sigh happily, hugging Die around the waist. Fea just laughed at the text and sent back a little heart. Die leaned over to kiss the top of Kaoru's head, placing a kiss on his fingertips and then pressing it on the glass next to the fish. Getting up, he moved off toward the water fountains to get a drink of water, the fish following until he ran out of tank, swimming up and down the side, looking distressed. Kaoru watched the fish follow Die, frowning at its confused circles when Die was out of sight.

"Aaaaw, poor little buddy!"

He walked off and found his parents near the exit, looking at the little turtles, Asako pressing her face up against the glass. Die came back by and petted the glass, cooing at the fish and telling him he'd come back to visit, he promised. After another minute, he went over to one of the ladies working the petting tank and asked about sponsoring animals. She gave him a form and he went back to take a few more pictures of the fish and his tank label so they would know which one he wanted to sponsor. Smiling happily, he put the form in his pocket and went off to find Kaoru. Kaoru tucked his arm around Die, grinning at him.

"Gonna be his sponsor, huh?"

Die nodded.

"I think he'd be mad if not. He looks so stressed I'm leaving and if I sponsor him I can come by once a week and even help feed him."

Kaoru chuckled softly, heading outside after his family.

"That's so cool!"

"Yeah, it is. It's not too much either. Like $20 a month. I'm going to save it from my paychecks."

He smiled happily, linking his arm with Kaoru's. Kaoru nodded, leaning and kissing Die's temple. Asako was running ahead of all of them towards the farm animals, toddling along, her soft baby hair getting picked up by the wind and standing straight up, making Tadashi laugh at her. Die padded along with Kaoru on his arm, feeling like he was on top of the world for the first time in months. Kaoru could smell the barn animals, wrinkling his nose a little. Looking over at Die, though, he lost all interest or notice of anything else. He could tell his lover was really happy, something he hadn't seen in Die is a long time now. Leaning over, his kissed his cheek.

"I love you, Daisuke."

Die beamed at that.

"I love you, too!" he murmured softly.

He leaned in a little bit more and grinned happily. The rest of the day was relaxed and loving, all of them going home to enjoy more of Miyuki's food, which she made plenty of for Die and Kaoru to have leftovers. In the evening, they finally packed up, giving hugs and kisses all around and wishing Kaoru luck, driving back home. By the time Kaoru and Die went to sleep, Kaoru was almost OK with what would happen tomorrow. Having the love of his family helped him be stronger. For the first time in the last few months, he slept soundly.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamhaven

The morning was cold, grey and overcast. Kaoru woke and showered, dressing comfortably, and packed a book and his laptop into his bag. The treatment would take several hours and he wanted to have something to distract him. He tried to eat before leaving, but only managed to get down some juice.

Once they had arrived at the hospital, he was already in a mechanical mode; cut off from his emotions, steeled to what was about to happen. The nurses set him up in a small room and got him up in a bed, the back raised so that he was sitting. They were kind and polite, setting his IV and checking his vitals, going off again to get the needed materials to start the chemotherapy. Kaoru found Die's hand and squeezed, his lips drawn into a straight line.

"Mom says it feels cold..."

His mother's experience with this treatment did not make him feel better about receiving it himself.

"I hope she's wrong."

Die frowned a little bit at Kaoru's almost deadpan proclamation. Honestly, he was sort of terrified about this whole thing. But anything that might help him keep his baby in his life was more than worth any discomfort on his part. He squeezed his hand a little bit and then lifted his fingers to his lips and kissed his hand.

Sighing a little bit, he murmured, "I'm warm and I'm here."

Kaoru gave him a soft smile, resting his head back. The nurses returned, one setting up the chemo, the other attaching it to Kaoru's IV.

"We're going to start now. It will take about three hours, so just try to relax and if you start to feel sick or uncomfortable, call us, alright? It's normal to feel a big fidgety, but if there's any pain or if you start to get nauseous, we'll come help."

She patted his arm softly, and he shivered as the chemicals finally came down the tubing and into his vein, indeed feeling like ice water. It was a bit painful, but he blocked it out, watching the nurses go and then looking back at Die.

"I don't want to lose my hair." He frowned. "Is that conceited?"

Die smiled a little at Kaoru.

"No, it's not. I wouldn't want to either."

But he did have a secret little plan in mind, a way to get Kaoru his hair even if he did lose it all. Kaoru gave a sideways little smile, playing with Die's fingers.

"This is going to suck. I love you so much for sticking through it with me."

"Why wouldn't I, love?"

He squeezed his hand again and gave him a small smile. In truth, he was nervous as shit, but that wasn't just going to up and change anytime soon. Kaoru sighed, shifting a little.

"Do you have to work tonight?"

He wanted to talk about something completely separate from what was happening just then. Die nodded a little.

"But only like three hours. They let me out of most of it for now."

Kaoru nodded, playing with Die's engagement ring, spinning it around his finger.

"Are you still liking it OK? Have you gotten regulars now?"

"Yeah, I have a few regulars. They tip well."

He smiled softly and leaned his head over a bit on Kaoru's shoulder.

"And I really enjoy making all the different drinks."

Kaoru smirked.

"You do make the perfect bartender."

He leaned forward a little and kissed Die's brow.

"My little bread-winner..."

Die grinned at him.

"Little?" He had a teasing tone to his voice though.

"Did they say if you could still drink? I found one I invented I want you to try."

Kaoru shook his head.

"I'm not supposed to, but, I can try it, anyway."

He gave Die a tiny smile, rubbing his lover's fingers.

"My arm kinda feels numb."

He frowned, knowing it was normal, but it didn't make it any more comfortable. Die reached over and gently rubbed over his arm, kissing his cheek.

"I'll give you a sip of it, hopefully that will be okay."

Kaoru pulled a tiny smile, leaning into the kiss to his cheek.

"What do you call this drink?"

"The fucking rockstar!" he proclaimed proudly. "I'll have to make one for Kyo, for sure."

Kaoru chuckled a little, reaching to brush some of Die's hair back.

"Gah, you're adorable."

Die yawned a little and then rubbed over Kaoru's back.

"So how long did they say it'll take for each one of these treatments?"

Kaoru pursed his lips.

"About three hours for everything... then again in a few days, then a week off, rinse, repeat, until it either kills me or the tumor goes away. Or shrinks enough to remove with another surgery. Something."

Die nodded a little, not liking the sense of pessimism in his voice.

"Let’s hope for goes away."

Kaoru's lips twisted into a little frown, but he nodded, resting back into the pillows.

"Love you."

"I love you, too, baby."

He shifted so he could lean on the edge of the bed next to him.

"They need to make these things bigger so I could crawl up with you."

A tiny smile graced Kaoru's lips and he carefully moved himself as far left as he could, trying to make space for Die's skinny body.

"Is that enough?"

Die grinned a little at him and then moved from the chair onto the bed, careful to avoid the IV and anything else vital. Settling down, he slid his arms around Kaoru's waist and leaned his head on his shoulder. Kaoru snuggled up with a happy purr, feeling safer with Die holding him.

"Baby, when are you getting your license changed?"

He'd been bugging Die a lot about that lately, not wanting the other man to put his life on complete pause just because he was sick, especially with something so important. Die's eyes widened.

"Oh fuck me! I totally forgot!"

He frowned a little and dug around in his pocket for his wallet, pulling it out and examining the paperwork he'd been carrying around in it.

"Um... it looks like I need to do it in the next month or else the paperwork will be invalid and I'll have to get it done again."

He glanced at the clock, seeing he had time to do it now if he rushed, but he didn't say anything, just putting the paperwork back and putting the wallet in his pocket again. Kaoru leaned over and skimmed the page.

"Go. It's not like I can go anywhere." He smiled a little and kissed Die's forehead.

"This is important, baby. It'll give me something to be happy about once they're done pumping me full of everything under the sink."

Die gave him a little worried look.

"Okay... are you sure?" he asked softly. "I mean, I could go another day."

Kaoru shook his head.

"No. You go right now." He gave a little smile and rubbed Die's hair. "You won’t miss much, I promise."

Die slid off the bed and then leaned over to kiss him gently.

"I'll be fast."

With that, he was off, rushing down the hallway to make it all the way to the Motor Vehicle Division in enough time to actually get done what he needed to. It took him only about twenty minutes to get to the DMV and once he was through the initial line, he had his number and settled down on the ugly brown plastic chair, clutching the ticket number 156.

A nurse came in to check on Kaoru, bringing him a bottle of water and getting his laptop for him from his bag so he could watch a movie or something while he waited for the treatment to finish. He was already feeling rather ill, but was fighting it.

Once Die was called up, he just handed over his license and his papers, not saying a word until the woman gave him a confused look.

"What did you need to do?" she asked, staring at his license and the fact that the expiration date was almost a year away.

Die leaned in close, his cheeks a little flushed.

"I need to change my gender on my license," he murmured quietly.

She arched an eyebrow at him, but thankfully didn't say anything rude, just holding up a finger and then getting up to go find her manager, clearly not having dealt with this kind of thing before. Both of them came back to the desk and the manager - a rather tall man who was rather attractive, sporting a huge gold ring on his finger - smiled at Die, trying to be friendly with him.

"Okay, so from the paperwork, it looks like you meet the requirements for this state to change the gender on your license. I would like you to be aware that there are a few states that it would not meet the standards."

He held out a print-out and Die took it.

"So if you move to another state, please be aware of their laws."

Once Die had taken the print-out, the man moved to quickly pull up his files and then scanned in all the documents, adding them to Die's file and then entering the required code to change his ID from F to M. He handed back the original copies of the paperwork and smiled.

"Please move over there and we'll do a new photo for your license."

He gestured at the plastic chair with a white and grey backdrop. Die stepped over and settled down, making sure his hair wasn't sticking out before smiling his winning smile at the camera, his eyes full of light and happiness. Four and a half minutes later, Die walked out clutching his old ID with a hole punched in it in his hands, his new card proudly in his wallet, displaying a large black M underneath _sex_. Pulling out his phone, he slid into the car and quickly texted Kyo, Fea, and Kaoru in one mass text.

_It's official, I'm a Male according to the state!_

Three text messages of varied congratulations came back in rapid succession, Kyo's including a photo of himself with a thumbs-up and a big, dorky grin. Die laughed softly and then pulled out his license, shooting off the photo of it with his thumb over the license number to all three of them. With that done, he put it back and started the car, heading back off toward the hospital.

When Die arrived back at Kaoru's room, his lover was clammy and tired, but immediately perked up when he saw Die, reaching to the table beside him and holding up a cupcake and a little white bear with "It's a Boy!" stitched in blue on its stomach.

"Yay!"

Die started laughing when he saw his lover and the bear he had along with the cupcake.

Coming to sit next to him, he murmured, "Okay, so I have to know... what nurse did you talk into doing this for you?"

Kaoru managed a little grin, in good spirits despite physically feeling like shit.

"The cute one with the little button nose," he poked his own nose, "and the bob haircut."

He smiled again, kissing Die's arm. Die settled down and cuddled the bear, looking over at the cupcake and then picking it up, sniffing it.

"Buttercream frosting?"

Kaoru nodded, drinking more water. Leaning his head on Die's shoulder, he sighed heavily.

"Feel like crap. Just want to go home and nap for days."

Die licked the frosting off the top and then unwrapped the cupcake, quickly eating it. He would have offered Kaoru some, but offering the person feeling nauseous some was not usually a good plan.

"Are you done yet?" he asked through a mouthful of white cupcake.

Kaoru looked at the machine attached to him, shaking his head.

"Another hour or so. I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

Die made a little face and then sighed softly, scooting up onto the bed and then pouring them both some water, handing a plastic cup to Kaoru.

"I hope this isn't going to hit you too bad."

Kaoru pouted, trying to be cute to counter how he actually felt, resting his head on Die's shoulder again.

"I hope not... but I already feel like I did when I detoxed. Which is like my body is trying to turn inside out."

Die frowned a little.

"I'm sorry, baby." He reached to rub his tummy a little. "Can I do anything to help?"

Kaoru raised his right hand, the other feeling dead at his side; he was always afraid to move it even a little with the IV.

"Massage my hand?"

It always calmed him down.

Die took his hand in his own and started to massage it very gently, starting with the palm and moving up to the wrist and then down over his fingers. Kaoru sagged against his lover, purring like an engine at the treatment. It certainly helped him relax, and simply the touch from Die was a wealth of comfort. Die chuckled a little and just kept doing it, his eyes sort of half-lidded.

"I seem to recall... you promised me something for getting my license changed."

Not that he really expected anything right then but it was something to keep Kaoru distracted. Kaoru managed a little laugh, humming.

"Mmmm, and what did I promise you, baby?"

"Actually... to be honest... I don't remember, I just recall you promised something."

He let out a little laugh and shook his head. Kaoru closed his eyes, a tiny smile on his lips.

"Next week, if I feel a little less like death, I'll let you face-fuck me or something, OK?"

He smiled a little wider, pulling Die's arm around himself. Die looked a little embarrassed for a moment and then laughed.

"Not that I'm complaining, but I'd take a cake or something you know."

Kaoru grinned, nodding.

"A cake, I'm pretty sure I can do."

He smiled.

"Good then. I think I'd like cherry in it or on it this time."

Kaoru sighed softly with a hum.

"OK. Cherries."

It was clear he was starting to feel very sick now, moving away from Die a little, looking around for anything close by to upchuck in should he need to. Die quickly noticed the change, getting up and slipping out of the room, coming back in with one of the throw up trays from the nurse, the woman just behind him. He handed the pan over to Kaoru and watched him with worried eyes, hoping for all he was worth he wouldn't throw up. Kaoru held the pan with a deep frown, feeling his stomach roll. The nurse touched his brow and then rubbed his hair affectionately.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your nausea?"

Kaoru closed his eyes, trying to regain control and fight the wave of discomfort off. After a moment, he was able to spit out "eight", before promptly leaning forward and throwing up in the pan. The nurse sighed and made sure he didn't get any on himself, waiting until he was down to dry heaves before handing him water and going to dump the pan in the toilet, quickly rinsing it out in the sink and bringing it back. Kaoru was shaking and pale, quietly asking Die for some mint gum from his bag to get the taste out of his mouth, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

Die just stood there, completely helpless. Other people throwing up made him feel sick to his own stomach, but he thankfully looked away in time to not see it, only hear the sound. He shuddered a little and then quickly rushed to get Kaoru a glass of water to rinse his mouth out, a spare cup to spit in, and then the peppermint gum from his bag. Coming to the edge of the bed, he held out the water and spare cup first, his face a mask of pure worry. Kaoru rinsed his mouth and took the gum, looking at Die.

"Thank you, baby..."

He sank back into the bed, and the nurse patted a cool, damp cloth on his forehead.

"We'll give you prescriptions to help with the nausea and everything, alright?"

Kaoru nodded weakly, trembling. Die took the cups off to the bathroom, dumping them out and then rinsing the sink before washing his hands and coming back out, biting his lip nervously, still looking clearly worried. Kaoru chewed the gum hastily, hoping the peppermint would ease his queasiness. The nurse went off for a moment and returned with a small cup of what looked like Pepto and made Kaoru drink it.

"I know it's awful, honey, I'm sorry."

Die finally pulled up a chair and settled down, picking up another cup for water and pouring some more in case the taste was too bad, waiting on Kaoru to take the Pepto. Indeed, Kaoru reached for the water, wanting to get the chalky taste out of his mouth. He drank the whole cup and then laid back, staring at the ceiling and focusing on his breath for a minute while the nurse kept a close eye on him.

"How are you feeling?"

He sighed heavily.

"Still like shit, but not as nauseous."

Die reached for Kaoru's hand after a little bit and squeezed his fingers between his own, feeling like he was staring at the future for a long while and honestly, it made him feel sad. Kaoru squeezed Die's hand back as much as he could, his whole body feeling weak. The nurse pat his shoulder and told him he didn't have much longer left before the treatment was done, leaving the pan just in case and going to find the doctor to come give Kaoru his prescriptions.

"When we get you home, you sleep, okay?"

He didn't even want to remotely mention food right then, knowing how it was to puke and then mention such things. Tears slowly rolled down into Kaoru's hair and he nodded.

"I guess I'll move into the guest room for a while. I don't want to get sick in your bed."

Die frowned.

"It's _our_ bed, baby and no, you're staying in it. We'll just keep the trashcan next to the bed."

Kaoru gave Die a look, but didn't have the strength to argue, his bottom lip shaking and his eyes closing as he laid there and cried, feeling helpless and so, so sick. So this is what it felt like to be poisoned...He pressed his fingers to his lips and then leaned over, pressing the fingers to Kaoru's lips and then settling back, looking more and more worried by the moment. Kaoru gave a soft smile, closing his eyes at the transferred kiss.

"I'll be OK, baby..."

"You better be, sweetheart. I don't want you to be all sick all the time."

He ruffled Kaoru's hair a little bit and then smiled sweetly at him. Kaoru gave a soft purr, then focused on his breathing to keep from feeling nauseas for a while as the medicine kicked in to suppress it.

"I want to smoke a big fucking bowl of weed when we get home, fuck..."

Die gave a little nod.

"Will it help or make you more nauseous?"

Kaoru shook his head.

"It's hit or miss sometimes, but if it doesn't do weird stuff with the chemo, it should kill the nausea."

He sought out Die's hand and squeezed it. Die nodded a little bit and then leaned back, closing his eyes and thinking to himself that he really hoped it would help rather than make it worse.

Kaoru rested his eyes and rode out the nausea, sinking into the aching pain and discomfort of being flooded with toxins. When the chemo was finished, a nurse came in and detached him, the doctor following and chatting with him a little to let him know that though awful, his symptoms were normal and wrote him some prescriptions for medications to balance out the side effects. Telling him to come back on Thursday for another treatment, he cleared Kaoru to go home, a nurse going to get a wheelchair to take him out of the hospital.

Die listened carefully when the doctor came in, getting up once they had Kaoru in the wheelchair, quickly moving to get their stuff and then walk out with the nurse, quietly asking if he could have one of the throw-up pans to take home so Kaoru didn't accidentally puke in the car.

Stopping by the nurse station, she grabbed him some lined bags like those on airlines just for such occasions before taking him out of the building and following him to their car. Die accepted the bags and then headed out after them, biting his lower

lip a little and still looking incredibly worried. Kaoru got up on shaky legs with a bit of help and into the car, buckling himself in. The nurse wished them a safe trip home and told Die to make sure he kept Kaoru hydrated. While walking, Die texted Kyo and Fea.

_Chemo making him really sick. :(_

Sending it off, they reached the car and he moved to put their stuff in the car and then hand Kaoru one of the bags before settling down in the driver's seat and starting the car.

Fea was the first to respond.

_:( My mom was the same. Licorice tea helps a lot, and peppermint. Lots of water with lemon, too. And love._

Die glanced at the phone and smiled, texting back,

_Thank you :)_

Sending it off, he then pulled out of the parking space and murmured,

"Think you can wait on me to run into a store for like ten minutes?"

Kaoru nodded, curling up in the seat.

"The sun feels good."

Die made quick work of going to the store and pulling into a spot.

"I'll be as quick as I can be."

Slipping out of the car, he dashed into the store and quickly found all the things on Fea's list, his cherry cake and a couple of instant ramen bowls in case they didn't leave home for a while. He paid and then came back out, putting the bags in the trunk and then slipping back into the car, clocking about twelve minutes.

Kaoru waited in the car, the heat inside making him drowsy in a pleasant way, taking a little nap while Die was in the store, still dozing when his lover returned. Die was as quiet as possible, making sure the music was off when he started the car and moved off toward their home, his thoughts sort of distant.

When Die pulled into the driveway, Kaoru woke immediately, sitting up and rubbing his hands over his face. His head spun for a moment, but he came back to himself a little, getting out and wobbling over to the steps, sitting down for a moment more, feeling weak, as though he would faint. Die didn't miss how Kaoru was reacting to everything and it made him worry something awful. He quickly gathered their bags and followed Kaoru, locking up the car and then going to unlock the house. Even Mako didn't bounce around too much when he saw Kaoru, instead going to nuzzle his hand a little when Die let him out of his fenced in area and up toward the house.

Die slipped inside and immediately went to put on a pot of water to boil, then going to get Kaoru's blanket he liked when he was sick and the trashcan for incidents, putting them next to the couch in the living room and putting the remote where Kaoru would be able to get to it, pulling over the ottoman. He went back for his lover, helping him up and then toward the living room and the little nest he'd created for him. Kaoru managed to pet Makoto a little, letting Die help him up and looking at the little sick area Die had set up. He smiled weakly and hugged Die around the waist, not kissing him since he'd thrown up earlier.

"Baby... you're the best."

Die just smiled, helping him over to it and then settling him down, wrapping him in the blanket and moving the trash can within grabbing distance. He helped his feet up and on the ottoman, taking his shoes off and putting them aside.

Ruffling his hair, he murmured, "Making you some tea to help."

Curling up, Kaoru let Makoto get into his lap, the puppy obviously smelling that something wasn't right, that there were chemicals involved that, ultimately, were harming him. He pet his soft ears and tried to assure him he was OK, Makoto sniffing around at where the IV had been in his arm and whimpering. Die quickly made the tea and then went back to give a mug of it to Kaoru. Bustling back to the kitchen, he put everything else away and then came back in, kneeling down next to Kaoru and Mako. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Kaoru took the tea and smelled it, letting it warm his hands. He looked at Die a little wearily, hoping he wouldn't object too badly.

"There's a joint in the top compartment of my jewelry box. Will you bring it to me, and a lighter?"

Die just stood up and wandered off to the bedroom, going to get what he was asked for. Coming back with both, he just glanced at Kaoru and then lit it, taking in two hits before he handed it over to Kaoru, breathing out the smoke.

Kaoru managed a weak smirk, watching Die start it and then took the joint, taking a big hit. He sipped his tea and smoked for a while, ashing into the little tray they kept for when they were too lazy to get dressed and go smoke on the porch. Makoto sniffed at it curiously and Kaoru blew out a stream of smoke into his face.

"I think he wants to get stoned, too."

Die snorted softly and then rubbed Mako between the ears.

"Silly pup."

He rubbed at his eyes a little and then went back to the kitchen, pulling down the bottle of Jack he kept on the top shelf and taking a couple swigs straight from the bottle. Putting it back, he then made himself some of the tea as well, taking a few sips to cover the smell of alcohol on his breath, coming back into the living room and sitting on the couch.

Kaoru proceeded to smoke and try to get the puppy high until the joint was gone, putting it out and finishing his tea. Apparently, blowing the smoke in the dog's face had worked; he was lax and half-asleep on Kaoru's chest, his ears flopped over. Kaoru still looked like death warmed over, but seemed to be feeling a little less. Die looked sort of like he was half asleep, even though he actually wasn't at all.

Shifting finally after a few minutes, he murmured, "I guess I should really be getting ready for work. Are you going to be okay tonight?"

Kaoru looked up at him, nodding.

"I'm probably going to nap soon. I'll be OK."

If he could sleep through the worst of it, he thought he could make it out alright. Nodding a little bit, Die stood up and moved to kiss his lover's forehead. Giving him a weak little smile, he finished off his tea and then headed off toward the bedroom. "There's more hot water for the tea in the kitchen."

Slipping into the bedroom, he quickly pulled off his current clothing and then went about going to take his shower and dry off. With his shower completed and his hair and makeup done, he came back to the bedroom and quickly pulled on a pair of tight black pants with straps hanging from the sides, chains decorating the fabric. He added a red, silk shirt and left it mostly unbuttoned, putting on three different silver necklaces and then pulling on his black creepers and heading back to the living room, sliding a few rings onto his fingers and then attaching a large leather-banded watch. Kaoru had the TV on to some cop drama, cuddling with Makoto. When Die walked out, he picked the puppy up, squishing them cheek to cheek.

"Ooooh, look how sexy Daddy looks!"

Die let out a soft laugh and shook his head a little.

"Daddy has to look this way or else he doesn't get tipped."

He came over to poke them both on the nose and then pat Kaoru's arm, making sure he had his cell phone nearby.

"I have my phone on vibrate real high and work is aware I might need to leave if you need me, so they're allowing me to keep my phone on me for the time being. If you need anything, just text me, okay?"

Kaoru nodded, kissing Die's cheek.

"OK. I'll try not to text you with silly stuff."

He squeezed his arm one more time and then headed for the door, smiling a little.

"Try to have a good night, baby."

With that, he was out the door, locking it behind him and then rushing across the yard to the car, getting in and virtually peeling out given that he was almost late already.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	70. Chapter 70

The next few days were hard. Kaoru was weak and sick, but progressively less so, until the next treatment on Thursday, which hit him even harder than the first. The medications helped ease his nausea and pain, but he was still ransacked, feeling completely wiped out most of the time. He was already looking very thin, hardly able to keep food down, though making an attempt whenever he could to stay fed and hydrated. Sita had come over twice to smoke with him, and that seemed to help for a while, at least giving him time to really eat and relax.

For all his ills, though, it was Die he worried about. He knew his lover worried himself to death, and he felt so useless when Die went off to work, the only one making money now, on top of taking care of him at home. Friday nights were usually the longest shifts for Die, for obvious reasons, and Kaoru wanted to do something sweet for him to come home to. Sleeping so that he'd be awake when Die got home, he cleaned a little, including himself, and lit candles around the house, playing soft music, and went about making a huge buffet of cut fruits and chocolates and pastries he'd gotten Sita to bring him, pouring sparkling pear juice with vodka for Die, and just the juice for himself. Cutting up strawberries, he waited for his honey to come home.

Die got off around three in the morning and took until almost four to get home, having had a few too many at work and requiring a cab ride home instead. It wasn't that he was trashed, but he was tipsier than he liked to chance driving as and it made more sense to just be safe, given how many punches life was currently throwing at him. Arriving home, he unlocked the back door and knelt down to take off his dark red docs and then headed into the kitchen, unbuttoning the top button on his jeans with a sigh, leaving them hanging on with only the zipper. He looked up, rather surprised and then blinked, tilting his head.

"Hey, sweetie."

Kaoru turned and smiled at Die, laughing that his lover didn't notice him right away. He set down the knife and fruit he was currently cutting, going over to Die and wrapping his arms around.

"Hey, honey. Welcome home. How was tonight?"

Die breathed out a little laugh as well, though not really sure what he was laughing about. He hugged him back and then gave a little shrug.

"Customers kept giving me drinks and I got a little tipsy, so I took a cab home. Just in case you wonder where my car is."

Kaoru chuckled, smacking Die's ass and then grabbing it, giving his neck a little kiss.

"Everybody wants a little piece of my baby."

He hummed and then dropped his hands down to Die's, tugging him over to the selection of foods.

"I made something for you."

He lifted the drink and handed it to his lover.

"This, too."

Die let out a little yelp at the smack on his ass and chuckled softly, following along with him. He took the drink and then smiled, wrapping one arm around his waist and then leaning over to peer at the food, as if he needed to be closer to it to see it.

"You're soooo sweet," he murmured out.

Kaoru purred, laughing softly at his lover.

"I try."

Turning, he boldly stuck his hand down into Die's unbuttoned jeans, cradling his packer through his underwear.

"Any particular reason you popped your button as soon as you were in the door? Did some cute boy give you a boner, baby? Did you need to give it a little relief?"

He groaned softly at the way Kaoru was being so bold about it. He really hadn't expected to get anything in a sexual manner for a long time to come, but this was certainly a pleasant surprise. But he didn't let himself get his hopes up, just assuming this was the extent of it.

"Mmm... not exactly. These pants are a little too tight, but I can't argue with the last part of that at all."

Kaoru growled a little, squeezing Die's cock and then letting go for the time being, kissing his arm.

"Eat up, baby."

He set out chocolate sauce to dip the fruit in, sipping at his sparkling juice. Die went to wash his hands first and then came back and settled down on one of the stools. Reaching to dip some strawberries into the sauce, he ate them with a little moan.

"You're so sweet."

Kaoru smiled softly, leaning back on the counter.

"I like being sweet for you. You've been working really hard lately to look after me."

He picked up a slice of kiwi and ate it, licking his lips a little and then sipping at his drink before picking up a piece of cheese and eating it as well. Kaoru slid around to Die's back, hugging him from behind and kissing his shoulder, reaching for a slice of peach.

"How were tips tonight?"

Die pulled out a wad of cash in response to that, tossing it on the table near Kaoru. There was near three hundred dollars, mostly in ones and fives, a few tens. Kaoru's jaw dropped at the wad of cash, picking it up and starting to count.

"Jesus fucking H, baby! Did you pull your dick out?!"

He laughed, getting to a hundred and stopping, overwhelmed.

"Shit. I feel like I could just stick you on a street corner with a bucket and we'd make rent in an hour."

Die laughed.

"You'd have to set me up with a bar first. You get people trashed and work them a little and they'll tip you a bazillion dollars if you asked for it."

Kaoru chuckled, putting the money back down the front of Die's pants, where he felt it belonged, honestly, coming from him, anyway.

"I hate that even when I'm sick as fuck, you still make me horny."

He shook his head, kissing Die's arm with a smile.

"OK, I love it."

Die jutted out his hips a little bit, letting Kaoru do as he wanted.

"Mmm... you want me right now?" he asked softly, his eyes glimmering a little.

"I've been horny all damn day."

Kaoru bit his lip, not sure if he would even get hard, but not really giving a shit.

"Yeah, baby, I want you. Right fucking now."

Smirking at him, Die slid off the stool and sank to his knees and started undoing Kaoru's pants. Wrapping his lips around his lover's shaft, he started sucking at him, flicking his tongue over his dick. Kaoru let out a startled sound, hands going to Die's hair. It was odd having Die suck him when he was soft, but it still felt amazing. He huffed a little, tugging at his lover's hair softly.

"Aren't I supposed to be doing this to you?" he teased.

Die smirked up at him and then sucked hard on him before pulling back and shaking his head.

"I like doing it."

Kaoru laughed, gripping the counter.

"God... feels good..."

He shut his eyes, enjoying it, even if his body wasn't really reacting.

"Want to get you off, baby..."

He licked the tip a few more times before he leaned in and sucked just the head a little bit, sort of ignoring Kaoru's comment for the time being, focused on making Kaoru feel good. Kaoru bit his lip, making soft sounds of pleasure. He chuckled a little bit and pet Die's hair.

“I guess... this is what it's like for me when I do it to you."

Die let out a little purr and then continued what he was doing, his head bobbing over Kaoru's dick. Granted, it was a little frustrating he wasn't making him hard, but it wasn't anything he hadn't been expecting. He panted a little more, feeling a tightness clutch in his belly. He bucked his hips a little and whined, eyes closed and enjoying it. Before he understood what was happening, he realized that he was cumming. He didn't even know he could do that without being hard. His eyes snapped open and he looked down at Die, shocked and panting.

Die looked surprised as well, his mouth filling with Kaoru's cum, though it tasted terrible in comparison to usual, and that was saying something given that he'd been chain smoking all night. As politely as he could, he dug in his pocket and pulled out a tissue, spitting into it and sort of wiping his tongue off, then wiping the drops left on Kaoru's dick as well. Standing, he tossed the tissue in the trash and then slid his arms around Kaoru's waist, smiling at him.

"I didn't know you could cum without getting hard, I like this idea."

Kaoru panted and watched Die clean up, blushing. He guessed the chemo changed the taste of his cum. Hugging Die back, he bit his lip, tugging at his lover's clothes.

"I didn't know, either. Interesting, huh?"

He nodded, smiling happily.

"Very _innnnn_ teresting, indeed!"

He pecked his lips a little and then reached for more fruit and chocolate, popping it into his mouth and chewing. Kaoru chuckled, watching Die eat.

"I'll show something else interesting." Dropping carefully down to his knees, he took the money out of Die's pants, setting it on the counter, and worked his jeans open. Fishing his cock out of the slit in his boxers and pressed his fingers around the base, pressing the whole thing firmly against Die's body, and gave it a long, moaning suck. Die let out a groan, leaning his butt back against the counter and watching Kaoru as he sucked him off.

"Fuck... baby," he whispered, his gaze a little bleary from the booze, but his gaze dark and pleasured.

Kaoru looked up at Die through his lashes, trying to be as sexy as

possible. He rubbed his free hand up Die's chest and purred, sucking expertly. Die's hips pushed forward a little bit and he allowed his eyelids to slip closed, a soft groan leaving him as he buried his hand in Kaoru's hair.

"Yeah... baby... just like that."

Kaoru growled, gripping Die's shirt. He made a show of it, holding the cyber skin cock and flickering his tongue over the head.

After a few moments, Die let out, "Fuck, I wish I could just cum all over you," his inhibitions completely wiped away by the alcohol swimming in his system.

Kaoru whined, pulling back and looking up with Die, stroking him.

"Do it, baby! Do it!"

Die groaned, his hips bucking and his entire upper body flushing. Inner muscles clenched and held as he pushed harder into Kaoru's hand cupping his balls. A moment later, he was gone, a cry leaving his lips as he came. Sagging against in the counter in a throbbing mess, he panted for breath, eyes still closed. Kaoru hammed it up, moaning and acting as though Die had cum all over his face, rubbing all over his lover and kissing his stomach through his shirt.

"Mmmm, looks like you getting off easy is a plus right now."

Die watched him, smirking a little and thinking to himself that either Kaoru was missing their contact or he was higher than a kite. Either was possible, and perhaps a little bit of both.

"Mmm..." he murmured, reaching for his drink and taking a sip, his throat dry.

Using the counter to pull himself up, Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die's waist, kissing his chin.

"Do you wanna fuck me, baby? I think I can handle it. Or are you satisfied for the night?" His voice was a sensual rumble, body pressed close to his lover.

"I think I'm okay, baby."

He kissed his cheek softly and then smiled, humming slightly.

"Mmm... this was all so incredibly sweet of you," he murmured, picking up some more cheese and a grape.

Kaoru blushed a little, smiling at him.

"I like doing things like this for you, especially with how much you've done for me."

He smiled and straightened Die up, tucking him back into his pants and kissing him softly.

"Love you."

Die watched him, smirking around a mouthful of cheese. Swallowing, he spoke up.

"I love you, too, baby."

Licking his lips a little, he kept plucking up various things and eating them until he was full. Kaoru went off and got one of Die's favorite pairs of boxers to sleep in and one of his own big baggy t-shirts that he wore around the house.

"Want to change out of all that?" he asked, wanting to help.

Die grinned at him.

"Sure. But how about you undress me and I take a shower, then you dress me again?"

He smirked at him, eyes gleaming. Kaoru smiled softly, nodding. Carefully, he unbuttoned Die's shirt and pants, taking everything off with hands that were a little shaky, but slow and sure, all the same. He gathered up his lover's clothes over his arm and kissed his jaw.

"I need to start a load of laundry, anyway. You go get clean, baby."

Die looked pleased with himself and then wandered off toward the bathroom once Kaoru was done with him.

"Make sure to take my wallet, smokes, lighter, and phone out of my pockets, please!" he called back to him.

Wandering into the bathroom, he turned on the shower and got in, quickly starting to wash off. Kaoru nodded, grinning and taking all of Die's things to his bedside table, putting the tips in the jar where Die usually stuffed them after work. Next, he hung Die's belt up in the closet and then went to start a load of laundry. After, he took his lover's packer and washed it in the sink, drying it off and then putting corn starch on it, having watching Die do it a thousand times. He loved doing things like this for Die, loved being the housewife. He felt useful being able to do little tasks that he hoped showed Die he cared.

Die finished with the shower relatively quickly, stepping out and smiling happily as he started to dry off. He noticed Kaoru corn starching his packer and he smiled even more. "Aww, thank you, baby."

He finished drying off and then moved to the mirror to shave his moustache that he was starting to grow in. Kaoru set the packer on the bathroom counter, smiling.

"Of course, sugar."

He leaned in the bathroom door and watched Die shave, humming.

"Do you want to head straight to bed, or are you not quite tired yet?"

"Not quite tired yet. We can do something else if you want for a little bit."

He smiled softly and leaned to peck Kaoru's lips a little. Makoto walked up to them, his claws clicking on the floor, and Kaoru scooped him up, despite the fact that he was getting quite big.

"We can lie down and watch TV or something until we're ready to sleep. The sun will be up in about an hour."

Die nodded.

"Alright, that sounds good. Now... weren't you supposed to be putting my clothing on?" he smirked at him and wiggled an eyebrow.

Kaoru chuckled softly.

"Of course, sir."

He smiled and set the pup down, grabbing the boxers and t-shirt, getting down on his knees and letting Die step into them, pulling them up and then putting the t-shirt over his head, his hands gentle. Die helped a little bit and then smiled, licking his lips a little and then putting one foot in, then the other, then helping with his shirt, grinning the entire time.

"Well, that was fun," he murmured softly.

"Thank you, my love."

Holding out his hand, he took Kaoru's and then pranced off toward the living room. Kaoru laughed at Die's prancing, following after and settling into the couch, pulling Die to cuddle against him and handing his lover the remote. He turned on the TV and then started flicking through the channels.

"Anything you want to watch in specific?"

Kaoru shook his head, kissing Die's hair.

"Whatever you're in the mood for, love."

Die flipped through to see if he could find NCIS. After a few moments, he found some reruns and he smiled, settling back.

"How about this?"

Kaoru nodded, wrapping his arms loosely around Die.

"This is fine."

He squirmed around until he was leaning heavily on the couch and cradling Kaoru in his arms.

"Hnn," he murmured softly, "This is nice, just relaxing and coming home to all of this."

Kaoru purred, glad Die enjoyed it.

"I hope I can do this for you more often. I miss when I used to pack your lunch for work and stuff."

"I have to say, despite me missing that, I do _not_ miss my old job, at all"

Kaoru played with Die's hair, humming.

"I hope you can find something doing art again, though. It would be a shame to waste a talent."

"I think Kyo is sort of keeping me up with some of his people. It's better than nothing and I've also joined a site to just do commissions, so we'll see if anyone wants any."

He smiled, leaning to look at Kaoru and kiss his cheeks. Kaoru closed his eyes, purring at the kisses before resting his head back down on Die's chest.

"I love your work... eventually, I'd really love it if you designed a tattoo for me."

Die blinked a little.

"All you have to do is ask, you know. I'd never turn you down."

He smiled a little, snuggling down against his lover.

"Would you?"

"Of course. So... what were you thinking?"

Kaoru shrugged a little.

"I guess I really hadn't. Something either for the other side of my ribs, or my right thigh? If my thigh, maybe something inspired by Buddhist art? Whatever you want, baby. Something you design for me."

Die nodded a little.

"Okay, we'll work on it when I'm off on Monday, okay?"

Kaoru gave a wide grin, hoping he'd be feeling much better by then, considering he had an off week from the chemo.

"OK."

Die patted his leg a little and then refocused on the TV, intent to watch how Tony and Gibbs interacted. When Abby came on, he grinned and started singing to her music before she turned it down to talk to Gibbs.

Kaoru snickered softly at him, getting a little too comfortable. The sun crept up the horizon and glowed in the windows, and by the time the episode was over, Kaoru was asleep. Once it was done, he clicked off the TV and then carefully scooped up Kaoru, carrying him to the bedroom and putting him down, covering him up. Then he went to the kitchen and put away all the food items and then put Mako out to piddle before letting him back in and then turning off the lights and locking up as he moved back to the bedroom, curling up in bed next to Kaoru after he made sure his trashcan was there next to him with a new liner in it.

Kaoru made tiny little sounds as Die lifted him, but stayed asleep, making it through a good six hours of sleep without being sick. When he finally did have to throw up, he was able to make it to the bathroom and into the toilet, which was much better, to him, than over the edge of the bed into a trashcan. Already in the bathroom, he ran himself a shower, brushing his teeth and taking a piss while it got warm before stepping in.

Washing his hair, he felt weak, like it was difficult to even lift his arms to do it. Rinsing his hair out, he dipped his head backwards, sighing, and then losing his balance. Trying to correct it, he stepped and only managed to slip, falling hard against the floor, his shoulder hitting the tiled wall. He hissed in pain, knowing he'd had dark bruises, and tried to get up, but felt both too weak and too afraid of slipping and hurting himself more. The water pelted against him and he started to cry in frustration. He hated being sick, hated feeling like he was a burden, hated having to be looked after. He sat on the floor, sore and tired, until the water wasn't warm anymore, finally giving in and beating on the shower wall, the headboard of their bed on the other side.

"Die!"

He hoped his lover would wake up from this; he sometimes slept like a rock when he'd been drinking the night before.

"Daisuke!!!"

Die had fallen asleep rather quickly, his head swimming with alcohol and making him able to stop worrying so much and just fall asleep. It took until Kaoru was pounding on the wall, yelling _Daisuke_ before he actually woke up. When he did wake, he jerked upright, his eyes wide and his hands fumbling over Kaoru's side of the bed. Feeling it actually cold, he frowned deeply and looked around, hearing more pounding on the wall.

He was up and out of bed in under two seconds, rushing across the room and out, around the corner and into the bathroom. His face turned ashen at seeing Kaoru on the floor of the shower and smelling the distinct scent of vomit on the air. Quickly, he turned off the shower and stepped partly into the shower, kneeling.

"Oh my god, baby, are you hurt?" he asked, his hands already gently running over his body.

"Do I need to call the ambulance?"

Kaoru raised his thin, shaking hands to wipe his face, shaking his head.

"No..."

His voice was hoarse and he was stopped up from crying.

"I just slipped and couldn't get back up. I'm just banged up, but OK..."

His mouth was turned down in a severe line, ready to start crying again. Die reached up and grabbed a towel, drying Kaoru as best he could before wrapping the towel around him and then picking him up, carting him off toward the bedroom as carefully as possible.

"Tomorrow, I will get a mat for the bottom of the tub."

Kaoru sniffled rather dramatically, pouting and settling in bed, wrapped in the towel.

"I feel so, so fragile. I'm not used to that. Not physically, anyway. I can feel how weak my body's getting, just from this first week of treatments... I'm scared of what's going to happen to me."

Die reached over to him and then ran his hand over Kaoru's arm.

"I'll be here for you, no matter what, okay?"

Kaoru nodded, brushing away a tear.

"I know you will, baby... but I'm still so scared."

He looked up at Die with apology in his eyes for all the things that would happen that Die would have to be there for, for all the unknowns to come.

"I wish I could just fast-forward our lives to somewhere when we're married and having kids and I don't have to worry about this shit anymore..."

Die gave him a soft smile.

"Yeah, I wish... but this is how we have to go through life, so..." he shrugged a little. “Mmm... do you want me to call that girl... the artist?"

Kaoru furrowed his brows, tilting his head.

"Ainsley? Why?"

"She said she'd help when I was at work if you needed it. And imagine if that had happened while I was at work, you'd have been in there all that time."

He gave him a worried look.

"Please let me call her."

Kaoru frowned, feeling helpless all over again. He nodded and reached for his phone, pulling up Ainsley's contact and showing Die. Die took the phone and then texted Ainsley, hoping she'd get it in the morning.

_Hey it's Die using Kaoru's phone. We need your help while I'm at work if that offer is still on the table. Chemo's knocking him hard on his ass._

He sent the message and then handed Kaoru his phone back. Kaoru took the phone back, rubbing his eyes.

"Please come lay with me," he said quietly, sinking down in the sheet, his skin and hair still damp.

Die nodded.

"Let me go take a piss and I'll be right back."

Kissing his forehead, he moved off to go do exactly that, coming back a minute later and crawling in bed, curling up under the sheet and against Kaoru's side, yawning and rubbing at his eyes, still very tired. Kaoru rolled onto his side and hugged onto Die, pouting. He rubbed his lover's back and sighed. It was about noon, but it felt like the middle of the night for them, or very, very early morning. He'd gotten thicker curtains for their bedroom since Die started working the night shift, making it easier for them to sleep during the day. He was just dozing, playing with Die's hair, when his phone buzzed with a reply for Ainsley.

_Of course! I've had a little experience working with chemo patients, though I've mostly done elderly persons. If it's really a matter of just watching out for him, that's perfect. I wouldn't mind helping out. I've actually been working on something for the two of you._

Kaoru showed it to Die, wondering what she meant by working on something for them, but didn't raise the question.

Die took the phone and replied back, still looking tired.

_Yeah, it's pretty much watching out for him. He fell in the shower earlier and I can't be around always to help with such things. Or like, driving, I don't think he should be doing that either._

He replied back and then just put the phone on his chest, flopping back and yawning. Kaoru pet Die's hair, kissing it. Ainsley replied quickly.

_Sure, just give me a rough schedule and I'll try to work around it._

_I work from five until two am on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Sometimes until three on Saturday._

He sent it off and then closed his eyes again, stifling that yawn.

_I'll work something out by then for this weekend._

Kaoru rubbed Die's hair, still pouting and fighting back tears. He felt like he needed a good cry to get over feeling so helpless and useless.

_Thank you. I'll pay, just tell me what you need; hourly or daily and I'll figure out a way to get it._

He put the phone aside again and then leaned over to Kaoru, hugging him softly.

"I'm kinda hungry," Kaoru said quietly, not wanting to bug Die about it, just mention it.

If Die was hungry, too, and wanted to get up and get some food, then he wouldn't feel bad about it. Ainsley texted back again and Kaoru read it first, laughing.

_I'll do it for free for a while, I'd feel bad taking money. Maybe you can pay me in sex, lol_

Die took the phone back and peered at it, rolling his eyes.

_I would, but Kaoru's not gonna be up for it that often I don't think. Downside of the chemo, I'm afraid._

He send it off and then blinked tiredly at Kaoru before nodding.

"Want me to order something maybe?"

Kaoru nodded, picking at his fingernails.

"Yeah... I really want udon. And some avocado sushi rolls."

He sighed and scoot down more into the bed.

"Can we just stay here all day?"

Die used Kaoru's phone to look up a place and then dialed the number, quickly ordering what Kaoru wanted and then adding on some orange chicken and fried rice for himself. Once that was done, he put the phone back down and nodded.

"I hope so. They said thirty minutes."

Kaoru nodded, putting his arms around Die.

"I adore you, you know that? I'm sorry you have to take care of me like this..."

Die hugged him back.

"I don't mind, honestly. I only worry because when I work, I don't want you to have to be alone."

Kaoru worked his hands under Die and around to his hip, fitting against him. He stayed there for a long moment before opening his eyes again.

"After we eat, can we maybe talk about my tattoo design?"

Die nodded a little, already half back into sleep.

"Thirty more minutes," he murmured out, sort of slurring the words.

Chuckling, Kaoru nodded, letting Die go back to sleep for a while, knowing Makoto would wake them once the delivery man was at the door. It was about forty minutes before the food arrived and Die was jerked awake by Mako's barking toward the front door. Getting up, he groggily headed off toward the front door, only in his shirt and boxers, grabbing some money from the tip jar to pay with. Kaoru sat up in bed and whistled for Makoto so that the dog wouldn't bother the person delivering their food, the puppy backing away from the door once Die was there and jumping up onto the bed, crawling into Kaoru's lap.

Die paid for the food, giving a good tip and then took everything back into the bedroom, curling up on the bed and starting to open containers. Kaoru scoot Makoto back down onto the floor and made a little purr at the smell of everything, starving, after having purged his stomach of everything before his treacherous shower.

"Thank you, baby."

Die gave him a little smile.

"No problem. Ordering in was easier."

He dug into his rice, talking between bites.

"So at work, they told me they don't count my tips as income."

Kaoru chucked a little, popping an avocado roll into his mouth.

"It's called beating the system. You don't have to fuck with filing for taxes on it that way. It's illegal, but... everyone in the food or bar service industry does it."

Die gave a little nod.

"Yeah, so they said."

He smiled slightly. Kaoru smirked.

"So what are they paying you, officially? Or is all this under the table?"

"Actually, it's officially minimum wage. So I still have to file taxes and it's still a legal job. Just I get the perks on the side, that's all."

Kaoru nodded.

"That's good, actually. Waiting tables, you make under minimum and are supposed to make up for it in tips. It's a bitch, doing all the math to make it look right on taxes."

Die nodded.

"Yeah, I was glad to know that's what was going on, since it makes it easier on all us who work there."

He took another bite. Kaoru started really scarfing down his food, realizing he was absolutely starving. After a while, he made himself slow down, not wanting to make himself sick and just chuck it all up again.

"Gah, this is so good..."

He laughed softly and rolled over, just lying there, his food on his stomach while he lazed around for a little bit.

"Mmm... that it is."

Finishing slowly, Kaoru put the empty containers in the bag and carefully got up, going into the kitchen to throw everything away and pour himself some tea, sitting down on the kitchen floor when he got there, naked, sipping at it, petting Mako and leaning his head back against the counters. His hip was hurting him a lot and he couldn't stand for long, but he tried not to make it too obvious, knowing Die would just worry. Once he was done, he followed Kaoru out into the kitchen, finding him on the floor and eyeing him for a moment.

"Please tell me you sat, not fell."

Kaoru gave a gruff little laugh, nodding as he sipped his tea.

"Yes, I sat."

After a moment, he shifted and laid himself out on the floor, looking up at Die, naked and pale. Die arched an eyebrow at him, but shrugged a little, throwing away his trash and then moving to get some of his Fanta, pouring it into his cup over some ice and then sipping at it as he put the bottle away. Kaoru arched his back against the cool stone of the kitchen floor, sighing. He ringed a finger, wet with condensation from his glass, around his navel, looking up at the ceiling.

"Die..."

He wet his lips, trying to choose his words carefully.

"Do you... still want me? Like this? Sick and all, I mean."

Die blinked at him and then shifted against the side of the counter.

"Of course I do. I always want you," he murmured.

Kaoru looked over at him for a moment and then closed his eyes, nodding. He let his legs and arms relax down onto the floor, just lying there, trying to feel grounded. Makoto rested his head on Kaoru's stomach and watched him, wondering what he was doing. He peered down at him, with an odd look in his eyes.

"Do you really think I'd stop wanting you?"

Kaoru shrugged a little, opening his eyes.

"Sexually, maybe... I mean, I'm going to be sick and weak and thin and lose all my hair... I don't think you'd stop loving me, I know you'll still love me, but I wonder if you'll get the point where you just don't feel sexually attracted to me anymore."

He sighed.

"I know I don't feel sexy right now."

"Sweetheart... I have to tell you, it's not all about looks for me. I may come across that way... in fact, I _know_ I do, but it's not how I really feel."

Kaoru gave him a little smile, somewhat sad.

"You want me now?"

He nodded a little and took another drink of his soda.

Swallowing, he murmured, "Always."

Kaoru laughed softly, bringing his arms back in and resting his hands on his chest.

"I was propositioning you, silly."

He drew one knee up, rocking it back and forth.

"I guess I'm just feeling a little desperate for physical contact."

Die flushed a little and then finished off his soda, putting the cup in the sink and then moving to straddle Kaoru, sitting astride him and peering down at him.

"I can just touch you and be near you if you'd prefer that," he offered, not wanting to make Kaoru weaker than he already was.

Kaoru grabbed Die's hips, rubbing a little. He nodded.

"Yeah..."

Die slid down on top of him, nuzzling against him a little and kissing the side of his neck, running a hand through his hair and trying to stay plastered against him. Kaoru closed his eyes and put his hands at the small of Die's back with a soft sigh, not caring that the floor was uncomfortable, liking that it was cold, especially with Die's heat pressed against his front. He smiled softly and kept right on nuzzling and kissing, not doing much else than that, just wanting to give Kaoru what he needed from this in as many was as he could.

Kaoru's hands went over Die's back, up and down, admiring the inked work and purring. The kisses felt good, grounded him a bit, Die's body next to him giving him something to anchor himself with, to stay out of the crazy scared places his mind liked to go. Die let out a little noise of enjoyment and then shifted down a little more to let Kaoru rub more of his back. He liked the feeling and was a little sad he had stopped having his back scratched when he got tattooed, since he'd loved the feeling of it so much. Kaoru kept tracing his fingers there, chuckling at himself.

"I always want to take a Sharpie and write ‘D+K’ in a heart on the trunk."

Die laughed softly and then reached up, messing around in their miscellaneous drawer and then holding out a Sharpie to him, turning around.

"Go ahead."

Kaoru smiled, pushing himself up onto his hands with a grunt. He took the Sharpie and uncapped it, licking his lips and leaning forward, carefully penning in a D, and then a K with a little plus in between them, and then drawing a pretty little heart around it, right in the center of Die's back on the tree's trunk. Humming, he put the pen back in the drawer.

"There. Perfect."

Die smiled happily, it even meeting his eyes when he turned around and looked at Kaoru.

"Good. Always want it to be complete."

He just held a bit of a superstition about tattooing actual names on skin, so he hadn't done that with the real tattoo. But Sharpie was a different matter altogether. Kaoru purred, leaving forward and kissing over his new temporary addition.

"Help me up? We can go be lazy in bed together all day."

Die stood and then reached to help Kaoru up and onto his feet. Smiling a little, he looped an arm around his waist and headed off toward the bedroom slowly.

**To Be Continued…**


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by hamhamheaven. You're a damn blessing, just so we're clear ♥

Nearly two months passed with Ainsley taking care of Kaoru on the weekends while Die worked, watching TV with him and talking art and playing card games. He got slowly weaker and was more or less always nauseas, but all things considered, wasn't all bad. Every other week on Monday and Thursday he went in for a treatment, and every week in between he cracked down on eating raw, mostly organic foods to try and help his body heal and get stronger.

It was sheer luck that when Kyo and Jonni Savv, Fea's band, came through a nearby city, it was on an off week for him. Kyo had already arranged everything for them, getting Kaoru press passes and working out to try and get Die in before doors like at his show in Nagoya. Kaoru and Die were supposed to meet him at the venue around 5:30 and Kaoru was still getting ready at 4. He was dressed in black jeans and boots and a tight t-shirt with a grey vest over it, looking about as chic as someone who was obviously being put through the ringer could look. He'd put on makeup to cover the dark circles and sickly pallor he'd acquired, but for nearly ten minutes, he'd been staring at his hair, frowning at it. They had to leave in less than thirty minutes but at that moment, he wanted to crawl back into bed and stay there.

Die had been flitting around all day, trying to not tire himself out too badly. He'd been sleeping like hell when he was sleeping at all, and the rest of the time, he just pretended that he was asleep so as to not worry Kaoru too much. But the truth was, he was feeling the effects of everything just as much as Kaoru, just in other ways. He'd been making bank on tips, but he'd also been purposely paying for Kaoru's treatments with that money, not letting him know that he was paying for them that way rather than saving up money. Insurance covered some, but not all, and he was thankful they had any at all or else they'd have been on the street by then.

Tonight, however, he was trying very hard not to be any more tired than he had to be. He'd pumped himself full of energy drinks and had two mini bottles of vodka tucked away in his pockets to down before the show. Right then, he was standing in the bedroom, four outfits on the bed and only his red underwear and packer on. He thought that at least he'd done his hair and makeup already or else he'd have been completely screwed. His hair was shoulder length and he'd pretty much just made sure it was re-dyed red and brushed to a shine. His makeup was dark kohl around his eyes and lip gloss on his lips. And on each arm he had Sharpied in a name. On his left was Kyo's kanji and on the right was Fea's name in a very attractive cursive font. It was his way of showing he was there for both.

Sighing softly, he examined the four outfits again, confused as to what to wear. Outfit one was simple: his red tight jeans and a white tank top with a red dragon on the front. Two contained black cargo pants and a black long-sleeved fishnet top. Three was a bit more elaborate; a pair of tight black jeans, a loose-collared black tank that was fashioned to look ripped partway down the front, and two studded leather belts. And the fourth was a silver tuxedo vest and a pair of black slacks, though he had a feeling that one was too uppity for the current concert.

After several more minutes in the bathroom, Kaoru finally emerged, slipping up behind Die with a loose knit beanie pulled over his head. He wrapped his arms around his lover and pointed to the third outfit.

"That one. That's hot."

Kissing his lover's shoulder, he went to make sure all his camera equipment was together and that he had plenty of battery life and space on his memory card. Die smiled a little, thankful for the help. Sometimes he felt like such a diva when he was trying to dress to impress. He quickly pulled on the clothing and then fished out his steel-toed boots from the closet, putting on his skull socks and then the boots, putting the rest of the outfit away before he added a single teardrop fake ruby necklace to the whole thing and turned around for Kaoru to see.

"Good?"

Kaoru leaned in the doorway, his bag with everything he needed, including medication in case he got a bad headache or particularly queasy, on his shoulder.

"Yeah. Perfect."

He smiled and pushed away from the door, tossing the keys at Die.

"Come on sexy. We'll take my car so we can bring the boys back with us tonight. Kyo said they've got a day off and wont travel until the following morning, so they can stay with us and then take a cab tomorrow night to meet the bus."

Die nodded and caught the keys, making sure to grab his wallet, smokes, and lighter, and then ensuring he had his two bottles of booze tucked away in his waistband. Going through the house, he went out and opened the car, helping Kaoru into the car and then going around to get in.

"I'm not as nervous this time, but I've still got sweaty palms."

Kaoru chuckled a little, buckling himself in.

"Well, in that case, I might as well go ahead and fess up..."

He turned to Die before his lover could start the car and reached to pull off the beanie. He gave a sad little smile.

"It isn't so bad, right?"

His hair had started falling out about two weeks ago, getting thinner and thinner. At last, he'd given in. All of it was gone, buzzed down his scalp, a thin, pinkish scar running along the left side from his first surgery as a child. Die peered over at him, not at all used to his lover without hair, but he was willing to accept it. Reaching over, he ran his hand over Kaoru's cheek and then leaned in to kiss him gently rather than answer. He nuzzled his nose and then started the car, moving back and then pulling out.

"I love you so much, baby."

A faint blush colored Kaoru's cheeks and he pulled the hat back on, leaning over and kissing Die's arm.

"Ditto, love."

He sat back in his seat and sighed, relaxing. It was an hour's drive to the venue and he got fidgety in cars, so he tried to relax as much as possible. He dug around in the floorboard for his CD case and found the first Jonni Savv album, from when he had first photographed Fea and his band several years ago, popping it in. Die quickly got on the interstate and moved into the fast lane, pushing it about fifteen over the speed limit, fiddling around a little and pulling something out from the center console, sticking it up on the dash and plugging it into the cigarette lighter and turning it on. He smirked a little, wondering if Kaoru would realize it was a police radar detector. Kaoru looked over from checking his messages on his phone, cocking a brow.

"How in the hell did you sneak that into my car?"

He didn't seem amused, but he didn't seem particularly pissed about it, either.

"Don't kill us, OK? It's almost afternoon traffic; the crazies will be out soon."

Die made a little face.

"It'll be fine... and I'm smart and knew you'd suggest this car, so I took it out of mine."

He shrugged a little and kept himself in the fast lane, not going fast enough to feel reckless, just fast enough to know he'd get from point A to B sooner.

Kaoru sighed and relaxed, singing along with Fea under his breath. Fea's music was wilder than Kyo's; more fun. But the lyrics had a bite to them and Fea's voice was roughened around the edges. The music was full and intricate laid over deep, driving rhythms. It was fun music, honestly. Nothing super ground breaking, but very well done and enjoyable. He'd been listening to a lot of Jonni Savv lately, honestly excited about the show, hoping his body didn't decide to throw him any curve balls during it. Reaching over the car, he rested his hand on Die's knee, squeezing a little.

"How are you actually feeling for the night? Think you're going to be okay during the show?" he asked, giving him a little worried look. "Is there going to be a pit for you to be in, away from the crowd?"

Kaoru shrugged.

"I feel decent now. I'll be in the press pit some, and at the bar the rest of the time. Definitely don't feel like being buffeted around, I've been bruising really easily lately."

Die nodded a little.

"Yeah, I was worried about you. Didn't want you to get hurt or pass out or anything. I'm glad you have the freedom to move around."

Kaoru nodded, leaning to kiss Die's cheek.

"I'll be OK, baby. The off weeks aren't all that bad."

Sitting back, he dug out their directions, knowing they were close, navigating Die towards the venue. Die followed the directions to the venue, having arrived about fifteen minutes ahead of time. Pulling into the lot, he pulled down the detector, putting it away under the seat again and then turning off the car, humming to himself.

Kaoru was already texting Kyo to let him know they were there when he realized none other than Fea was walking towards them from the bus parked at the back of the lot. He had been hiding away from fans and smoking when he noticed them pull up. Jogging over, he drummed on the hood of the car, going around to Kaoru's side and hugging him tightly once he was out of the car, letting out an excited laugh. Die looked surprised to see Fea when he jumped a little at the drumming on the hood of the car. He slipped out and made sure he was okay with everything before he slipped the keys deep in his pocket and then locked up the car, going off toward Fea, a smile on his face. Letting go of Kaoru, Fea turned around and scooped Die up, shaking him back and forth a little in a hug.

"Aaaaah, I'm so glad you guys are here! These last few days have been brutal; me and Kyo need some down time so fucking bad."

Die gasped, his eyes wide as saucers when Fea picked him up, huggling him that way. He wrapped his arms tightly around the other man, though, feeling like he desperately needed to hug the stuffing out of someone since he'd been being so gentle to Kaoru lately. Fea let him, finally putting him back on his feet and giving him one more good squeeze before letting go, a big grin on his wide lips.

"Come on, before I get spotted!"

He put his arms around both of them and head through the parking lot and across the side street to a service door. Several fans at the end of the line which had looped around the corner were obviously noticing him, but they stayed put, just snapping photos and pointing while giggling behind a hand. The bouncer at the door let him in and he stepped inside the air conditioned back hallway of the venue, digging guest laminates out of his back pocket, handing them over.

"Just so nobody hassles either of you."

Kaoru nodded and put it on, digging out the press badge Kyo had sent him and affixing it to the lanyard. Fea led them down the hall and into the venue, going to the bar, where the rest of his band was already drinking beers, Kyo on stage doing sound check. Die felt a little better after being able to just squeeze the stuffing out of someone, smiling at him as he followed them in. He accepted the badge and put it on, padding along with Fea and Kaoru, just a bit behind them as he downed the two sample sized vodkas from his jeans. He tossed them in a trash can as they passed and then wandered closer to Fea when he seemed to lean toward him. Fea leaned over and yelled in Die's ear over the music, seeming louder with no people.

"Do you want a beer?"

Leaning over slightly, Die listened to Fea's shout and then gave a little nod, figuring Fea would just order him whatever he wanted to. Nodding, Fea put a hand on the small of Die's back and led him over to the bar, ordering them two Heinekens and getting Kaoru a bottle of water. All of the men at the bar had laminates clipped onto the belt-loop of their jeans or around their necks, each with a photo of them and a name and a short description. Only two of them said "Artist", the others bullshit like "mental patient", even Fea's read "epic poof" under his name and goofy-smiling photo.

Turning to them, Fea gave introductions around over the noise of sound check. He first pointed out a scarecrow with shaved-down blonde hair.

"That's Geoff, he's lead."

The blonde nodded and smiled.

"And that's Cory, he's the bassist--"

Dark hair was swept back from a face that seemed oddly stuck between boyish and possibly thirty all at once before he leaned forward and shook both Die and Kaoru's hands.

"Dean's over there,"

Fea pointed to a stocky-set man with a wild head of dark, curly hair at the other end of the bar talking to what seemed to be the staff of the venue.

"He's rhythm. And then Hugo."

He slapped a scrawny blonde on the back.

"He's our drummer, and together we make one whole Russian."

All of them sort of nodded and smiled politely, but they seemed reserved and shy in comparison to Fea who would talk anyone's ear off, given the chance. Beers--and water--were set out in front of them and Fea took his, leaning back on the bar and watching Kyo, putting his arm fondly around Die.

"He's missed you, ya know."

Die nodded and smiled at everyone, trying to remember their names and knowing he'd fail miserably with the current state of his being. He settled next to Fea and took the beer, taking a quick few swigs to try to cover the vodka smell. He sniffed a bit and then nudged Fea lightly in the ribs.

"Oh yeah, and you didn't?"

He smirked a bit at him, trying to show him he really was teasing.

"Not a bit," Fea fired back with a grin, nudging Die in return.

Kaoru just rolled his eyes at them both and pulled out his camera, taking test shots around the venue, sneaking a few candids of the rest of Fea's band at the bar, all reclusive, sort of odd-ball, shy Americans. In a way, it did seem a bit more like they were just a back-up band to Fea, but to the singer's credit, he never treated them that way.

Kyo was trying to explain something to the monitor engineer, his accent impeding the process, before he just dealt with it and gave up, turning around and then stopping, bringing the microphone to his lips and shouting into it, "DIE-CHAN!!!" He looked to the rest of his band to see if they were alright with everything, getting nods, before putting his microphone down and diving off the stage, running across the floor of the venue towards Die.

Die was sort of downing his beer quickly and trying to not look like he was intently watching Kyo do sound check. Honestly, he was still a fan at heart and it was a thrill to him, but he didn't want to look too freakish with Fea staring right at him. He'd looked down for a moment to brush some lint off his jeans a moment before Kyo spotted him and called out into the microphone, making him jump. Startled, he grabbed Fea's arm and looked up with wide eyes before calming a little and then slipping off the stool, putting his beer on the counter behind him and waiting on Kyo to come to him. He wanted to run to him, to scoop him up like he'd done at the airport, but he didn't simply because he didn't trust himself not to sob into Kyo's shoulder in relief if he let himself get too worked up.

Kyo growled like an animal and dove on Die, hugging him tightly, up on his toes. He made little noises of approval to have his best friend around, Fea laughing quietly behind them, he and Kaoru cozying up with each other and joking softly in what could easily be summed up as simply "boys". Die let out a little sound and then wrapped his arms around Kyo, leaning his head down and gently putting his cheek against Kyo's hair, closing his eyes. Something about just holding Kyo for a long moment relaxed him and made him feel less like the world was trying to crush him. He didn't let go, his arms just holding Kyo in place for quite a while, well past when it would be 'acceptable' to hug your male friend.

When he did let go, he gave Kyo a watery smile and a hoarse, "I've missed you guys so much."

Kyo let Die hang on, knowing it was just staff and the other people with the tour here now. He was sure most of them had seen it all before and honestly didn't really care. He rubbed Die back until he was ready to pull away, smiling up at him.

"Missed you, too."

Rubbing Die's arm, he moved on to Kaoru, hugging him gently, frowning as he rubbed his back, murmuring softly that he could feel all his bruises, displeased by how Kaoru was fairing, but glad it was better than it could have been. He pulled back and rubbed Kaoru's cheek fondly before stealing a swig of beer from Fea and hopping up into a bar stool, lighting a cigarette.

"So doors are in like... an half an hour, I think? I go on at seven."

Die settled back on his stool and blinked back the tears, sniffing a little as he grabbed his beer and then leaned on Fea a little bit. He rubbed his nose a bit and then finished up his beer, putting the bottle on the counter and taking the water bottle, sipping at it a little.

"So you're first, Kyo?"

Fea ruffled Die's hair a little, Kyo nodding.

"Yeah, not a lot of the kids coming are for me. There's maybe fifty or so each show that are my fans, but most of them haven't got a clue who I am."

He laughed a little, tapping his ashes into the glass tray in front of him.

"Just a lowly opener. I've been doing about forty-five minutes."

Die blinked at Kyo, a bit of shock written on his face. He certainly hadn't expected that to be the case and he was sort of appalled that his fellow fans weren't supporting Kyo more. But at the same time, he felt good for Fea, and it was an odd feeling not knowing what to say.

Finally, he asked, "Then would it be okay if you came down after your set to be with me in the crowd?"

Kyo smiled a little, chuckling.

"I can try, sure."

Fea laughed, as well, shaking his head.

"That should be interesting. Make sure he doesn't get mauled, yeah?"

He nudged Die. Die started to make a comment about how the only mauling that would be happening to Kyo would be from him, but instead, he just smirked a little and nodded.

"I'll be his shield."

Fea quirked his brows at Die and just laughed it off, finishing his beer. Kyo finished off his cigarette and stretched.

"I want to get outside. Want to sneak out and see if we can take a walk around the backside of the block or something?"

Die slid off the stool and peered at Fea and Kaoru. "

You two coming?"

They both nodded, head after Kyo to another back door of the venue. The blonde peaked his head out the make sure it was clear, tying a bandana around his head and strolling out, heading up the street with a big sigh of the air.

"We got stuck with a van and a trailer, I am in love with fresh air and stretching my legs right now."

Die made a face at Kyo's comment, trailing along slightly behind him, trying to concentrate on making sure no one saw them and if they did, that he saw them first.

"Uggh... and how much more of this tour do you have?"

Fea sighed, hands in his pockets.

"Almost three weeks. Another 16 dates."

It was a love hate relationship, being out on the road. The shows were worth it a thousand times over, but pretty much everything in between was still a bitch. Kaoru made a face, bumping his hip with Fea's a little.

"Oh dear god," Die muttered. "Well, if it helps any, you'll have a bed to sleep in tonight and a shower that is pretty big and has warm water, a bath if you want it, and a good meal."

Fea grabbed Die around the shoulders and gave his cheek a sloppy kiss.

"Yes, it will help _tons_! Finally, a quiet place to have sex! We've only been able to sneak blowjobs this whole time, and not that many to start."

Kyo turned bright red and walked a little ahead, hands in his pockets. Die laughed softly and blushed a bit, ducking his head. He wasn't about to confess how few and far between things had been lately with him and Kaoru, but just the mere mention of blowjobs had him worked up. He hadn't even been taking care of business for himself because he felt like he was being selfish or rude by doing it, so he'd stopped. Biting on his lower lip, he just patted Fea's arm a little and then moved to Kyo's side again, offering him a little smile. Kyo rolled his eyes at Die with a little smirk.

"It's true. I'm way too paranoid to do anything."

His eyes got a little sad and he stepped a bit closer to Die.

"I hate being afraid of losing my career by making him feel like I'm ashamed of him. He's says that's not it, but I know he feels that way sometimes. He's open... I'm not."

He looked back to make sure Fea and Kaoru were out of earshot, chatting with each other.

"My fucking manager actually told Fea to fucking tone it down. That it was bad for my image, touring with someone so ‘flamboyant’. I was _mortified_!"

Die arched his eyebrows at Kyo, shaking his head.

"Oh my god... you're kidding me. That _is_ mortifying. I wouldn't have put up with that, not at all." He frowned deeply and shook his head. "But then again, I don't suppose I could ever not be so incredibly... out."

Kyo's jaw tensed and his shoulders drew up towards his ears a bit.

"Yeah, well I don't have a fucking choice. I play by their rules or I'm out. I'm pushed the line as far as I can and if I step over it anymore, they'll drop me, and no other label really wants me. Especially not if I get outed."

Die frowned a little, feeling like he'd said the wrong thing and knowing well that he actually had.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, shame written well across his face as he fumbled around in his pockets to get out a cigarette and light it.

He didn't really want it right then, but he did want to shut up a little bit. Kyo shook his head, his voice softening.

"No, I am. It's not your fault. I haven't had anyone else to talk to about this and I'm still just... really pissed off, and really upset."

Die relaxed a little bit, though he was honestly still on edge. He wasn't entirely sure why, though he knew he just really wasn't fit for human consumption when he was holding back so much on his sexuality and trying to be someone else entirely in that department. The truth was, he got hit on every single night he worked and it was starting to get on his nerves because he didn't want to find other people attractive or feel like he wanted to be sexually active. But that just wasn't him and it was hard for him to try to squash it all.

"Understandably so," he breathed out a stream of smoke and sighed a little. "I can't believe they'd just... say that... and to him no less."

Kyo huffed.

"Well, he hasn't got much tact, alright?"

He shook his head, sniffing a little. After a moment, he moved closer to Die, quieting his voice.

"I want to be like you and Kaoru. I want to hold his hand. I want to kiss him. I don't want to have to hide him. When I signed my fucking contract, I didn't think I'd ever actually find somebody to fall in love with."

Die frowned a little bit and then murmured, "You know... there are other people I'm sure would take you. I know we don't seem like a huge place, but a few producers come into the bar I work at all the time and at least one of them signs foreign contracts a lot. I'm sure I could at least get him interested in talking to you."

Kyo stopped, looking at Die, his eyes unreadable. He just stared for a little while and then nodded, starting to walk again.

"I think I might like that..."

Die gave him a little smile.

"I'll give him a sample CD and your contact info. He's a pretty big regular... and gayer than all hell, so... you know, I don't think it'll be a problem with him."

Kyo shrugged.

"You never know. It's a marketing thing. If gay doesn't cell CDs, if the seller is gay, they won’t sell gay. Does that make sense? I mean, it doesn't, from a moral stand point, but at the end of the day, the business has no morals. At the same time, though... I don't want to flaunt it. I just want to be able to be _me_ in my normal life and not..."

He sighed, looking back at Fea again.

"Not hide him. I feel like I'm being made to choose between singing and him, and losing either would rip me apart."

Die reached to give him a little pat.

"Well, knowing some of the bands he represents, I'm pretty sure he won't have any issue with you being with Fea," he murmured. "I mean, I can't guarantee it'll make you bank like right now, but at least it'd be something."

Kyo sighed, nodding.

"Just let me know."

Die pulled out his phone and quickly sent a message to himself to remember to ask the guy. Putting his phone back in his pocket, he offered Kyo the rest of his cigarette, feeling like maybe he needed it right then. That and sucking on something cylindrical was not helping him stop thinking about Kyo and Fea trading blowjobs, which just wasn't any good for anybody. Kyo smirked, taking it and finishing it off, snubbing it out as they passed a trash can and tossing it away. Fea caught up with them and caught them both around the neck.

"Hey, let's head back, alright? I feel like we're gonna get lost if we keep walking."

Die gasped when Fea grabbed him, blushing at being so easily startled today. Smiling though, he turned around and waited on Kyo to do the same before starting to walk back in the opposite direction. He knew he should really say more, but the silence was an easy one, not a painful one. Kaoru looked at them coming back towards him and tagged on, putting his arm around Die's waist.

They were about halfway back to the venue when a girl's voice behind them asked a little shyly, "Um, excuse me, Fea?"

The tall man winced, but stopped and turned around, letting go of his friends. A girl of about twenty stood behind them, having crossed the street from the cafe, still holding her coffee. She was built like an ironing board and seemed extremely shy.

"Ah, I'm sorry, but... is it alright if I maybe got a photo with you?" She looked bashful, holding up her camera.

Fea sort of shrugged, being nice.

"Sure."

Kaoru held out his hand to take her camera, smirking as Fea bent down and put his arm around her, smiling. The girl lit up in a big grin, obviously thrilled in that moment, and Kaoru snapped two photos, handing her back her camera. She seemed a little breathless, grinning at Fea.

"Thank you so much!"

She bit her lip and waved nervously at all of them before going off back across the street to the cafe, despite the fact that she was going to walk the same way they were back to the venue, not wanting to follow them. Fea sort of laughed, turning back around and continuing on.

Fea wasn't the only one who winced, Die doing so as well, hoping this was going to be easy and nice and nothing to fret about. Once it was all done and over with, he was relieved the girl had seemed nice and he let out the breath he was holding.

"Good thing she wasn't rabid. Quite nice about it, really."

He offered a little smile. Fea sort of laughed, shrugging.

"Most of them are. They're usually too nervous to be anything else. Every now and again I catch the crazies, though. I've had girls straight up grab my ass before."

Die looked appalled.

"That's just wrong. I mean, even if you think of doing such a thing, don't fucking act on it." He shook his head. "Personal bubble, man... personal bubble."

Fea sighed, Kyo doing the same, both of them knowing what it was like.

"Some fans just sort of wig out. It's like they don't quite understand we're actual people. Every now and again it's funny. I had a younger girl with her mum get a photo with me in England and the mum pinched me and was rubbing on my back and stuff. That was cute. But most of the time, it's... let's be honest, it's desperate sluts that think fucking me would make them famous."

Die shook his head a little and sighed.

"I've always sort of been of the opinion that if someone who's in a more famous position than I am wants my company, they'll seek it out. It's my responsibility to leave them alone if they don't want it. And that's regardless the situation. I can ask for a photo or autograph, but after that, let it be."

He pushed his hands into his pockets.

"Honestly, sometimes I still feel awkward, because I _am_ a fan, and a friend, and sometimes I think to myself if I'm being or doing the wrong thing."

Kyo 'awww'ed at him, reaching over and punching his arm affectionately.  Die let out a fake yelp and then laughed, shaking his head a little.

"I know you're a fan, but _I_ think of you as a friend."

"As long as you're okay with me, it's all good then."

Kaoru smiled at them, hugging Die's arm to his side. Kyo just grinned, putting his hands in his pockets and heading back towards the venue, being let in at the side door and heading towards the dressing rooms. Akeno, Shichi, and Maro were all texting or talking on the phone, waving at them. Kyo went over to his spot at the tiny counter (Jonni Savv had gotten the bigger room) and pulled out two little wrapped boxes from his bag, handing one to Kaoru and one to Die.

"I brought these for you. I saw them and knew you had to have them."

Inside were identical silver bracelets that were perfect for both of their styles, looking something like a beaded choker that clipped, the excess simply hanging. Kaoru opened his and blushed, hugging Kyo and putting it on. Die accepted his gift from Kyo, his eyes bright and in awe. Opening it, he immediately moved to put it on, knowing to be just grateful and accepting, no matter how expensive it looked. Latching it with some difficulty, he then showed Kyo, a smile on his lips

Leaning in, he kissed his cheek and murmured a soft, "Thank you."

Kyo smiled, kissing his cheek in return.

"You're welcome. I thought you'd both like it."

"Well you're right, I do." He smiled and then leaned against the counter, relaxing there. "Do you have any idea what I did with my water?"

Kaoru shook his head at Die, pulling a bottle from his bag that was unopened, handing it to him with a little kiss. Fea stood behind Kyo while the other did his hair, watching and helping a little.

"Thanks, baby," he murmured, opening it and taking a good few swigs.

He didn't want to faint from dehydration since he'd drank. After fixing his hair and putting on the tiniest bit of makeup, Kyo checked his phone.

"It's about that time. Want me to walk you out to the front so you can snag the rail?"

Die sort of beamed at him.

"Is that okay? I really like being in front of you."

He bit his lip a little bit.

Kyo laughed.

"I wouldn't offer it if it wasn't OK. Come on."

He led them out into the venue, Fea following to grab another beer at the bar. The staff was getting ready to open the doors. Kaoru wandered over to the bar after giving Die a short kiss, telling him he'd see him at the press pit during the show. Kyo led Die by the shoulders to the rail, placing him right in front of center stage.

"There." He smiled and hugged him quickly. "You stay put. I'll see you in a little while, K?"

Die eagerly followed him, laughing when he put him dead center rather than off center where he'd put himself the last time. He put himself against the barrier and then hugged him back, sneaking in a light rub of his back, trying to send him intense good vibes and show him how happy he was to here. He pressed a kiss to his fingers and pressed it to Kyo's nose lightly, grinning at him.

"Knock my pants off, okay?" He smirked at him and then nodded. "I ain't goin' nowhere, trust me."

Kyo winked and made a short sucking sound with his teeth.

"Don't I always?"

He smirked and went off, Fea waving at Die as he followed with a beer in hand. Kaoru sat at the bar drinking water and chatting up the staff, always a slick talker to get access to places other photographers wouldn't. It helped he'd been with the artists, but he had a way of getting what he wanted, anyway. The door opened soon after Fea and Kyo had gone back stage and a crowd filtered in, first a rush of about two hundred, then slowly more as it got closer to show time, girls squeezing up beside Die, one of them on his left obviously thinking him cute and taking advantage of the close quarters to check him out. Die was excited, clutching the rail and then waving at Fea as he went to the back. When the crowd came in, he stood his place really well, not getting moved even an inch. He bounced excitedly on the balls of his feet, his eyes sparkling happily. When he finally was entirely surrounded, one girl right beside him, obviously checking him out, he peered over at her and recognized that look instantly. It was one he remembered giving in his youth and still sometimes giving to Kaoru, Kyo, Fea or other attractive men when they weren't looking. Licking his lips a little, he leaned down on the rail to put himself closer to her height and bobbed his head a little at her.

"Here for both bands or just one?"

She blinked at him, smile revealing braces. The crowd was a sharp mix of very young and late twenties.

"Just Jonni Savv. I haven't ever heard of the opener."

Her friend tapped her shoulder and muttered, "I think it's some French band."

A girl on the other side of Die, closer to twenty-five, responded with a laugh.

"No. Same name, completely different act. This guy is solo, his name is Kyo, and he's from Japan."

The younger girls looked at each other and shrugged. From somewhere farther back in the crowd as Akeno came on stage to set his bass out, someone yelled "Fuck yeah, Akeno!" and he blushed, giving a big smile and waving before going off again, leaving a water bottle on top of his amp.

Die arched an eyebrow at her.

"Oh trust me... you're in for a major treat if you've never heard Kyo before."

He listened to the back and forth and nodded along.

"Yeah, Japanese Kyo, not that odd French band." He shifted his position on the rail and grinned his full megawatt smile at her. “I'm willing to put money on it that you'll adore him after this."

She laughed and then gave him her best poker face.

"I could always lie and take your money."

Her friend laughed and before anything else could be exchange, the lights dropped, and it was apparent where Kyo's fans were because a ravenous scream went up. Die rolled his eyes and snorted.

"Trust me, the stars in your eyes will give you away, I swear it," he hissed back right before the screams started.

Die immediately switched into fan-mode and cheered along with them, letting out a scream of, "Kyo," his fist in the air. Unlike with his own shows, there wasn't such a dramatic build up to Kyo coming out, his band rushing on and starting up the first song before he came out, grabbing his microphone from the drum riser, and wailing into it, a wavering scream that was answered by those there specifically to see him. The lights were different from his normal shoes as well, brighter and with faster bumps than his own shows. But either way, he was alive and pouring out his chaos, his eyes wide and crazed as he looked over the crowd, trying to spot who was singing with him. The moment the song actually started, Die threw himself into it entirely, losing himself in what he so desperately needed from these last months of proverbial hell. This was the release he'd been craving, desperately needing and desiring. And he was determined to give everything he could for it. He thrashed and sang and screamed and he could feel the sweat building and his eyes welling with tears.

The young girls beside him were getting crushed against the rail by Kyo's fans behind them, fending for themselves and trying not to get too squashed. The fan on the other side of him, however, was just as completely committed to it as Die was, as were dozens more around them, spotted in with people who'd never heard of Kyo, trying to get a feel for the music and go with it. For three songs, Kyo just sang, rolling straight through one into the other, all high energy, sweeping the crowd with his gaze, watching Die now and again, and Kaoru, who was in the press pit, snapping photos, weaving in between hands outstretched towards the stage and bouncers blocking anyone trying to get any closer than that.

The fourth song, he slowed it down, letting the energy relax, Akeno stepping forward to ham up the crowd and get them all moving with Kyo, whose hips followed the bass line to a T. His shirt had disappeared, as it had a habit of doing, somewhere between the second and third songs and his hands were tracing his sweat over his torso, his jeans low, under the line of his boxer briefs, a vein on his hip standing out rather sharply, the pads of his long fingers caressing over it for a moment before he opened his mouth and began to sing again.

By the time Kyo decided to slow it down, Die was breathless, his hair stuck to him and his eyes sort of wild, his body radiating a plethora of emotions. The moment that Kyo started touching himself, Die sort of swooned, his eyes trailing after his every action, not caring that he was ogling him like a piece of meat. If Kyo didn't want to be looked at that way, he wouldn't be doing it on stage, that's all there was to it. Die shivered a little as he stared at that vein that he longed to just run his tongue over, to suck at. And for once, he didn't push the thought from his mind, just going with it since he was among a thousand other people thinking some of the same things.

Kyo's eyes found Die's and he gave him a look, his brows jerking up for a moment before he looked away, crooning and all but moaning. Kaoru was down at Kyo's feet, taking photos straight up. The blond made sure, when he noticed, to give him a good shot, reaching down over the front of his jeans and giving himself a squeeze, eyes locked on the lens before bringing the microphone away from his mouth and letting the band finish out the song. Die flushed the moment he realized that Kyo could quite clearly hear his thoughts. He'd forgotten about that not-so-little detail and right at that moment, he wasn't even sure if he cared that Kyo knew. He was so sexually tensioned that he couldn't find the will to be almost humiliated by the way Kyo had obviously noticed his exact thought. Usually he would have thought at Kyo that he was sorry, thought at him that he was just hard up and to ignore him. But this time, he couldn't even bring himself to do that. Not with him on stage, flaunting such things so openly.

Die had to sort of pay attention to the other members of the band for a minute when Kyo started grabbing his crotch for Kaoru to take photos of. He knew there was only so much he could take without making a huge fool of himself. And he knew he had to be at least somewhat calm since Kyo would be coming down to watch Fea with him and be in close quarters with him for the duration. Wanting to hump his brains out wasn't exactly the way to be when so close like that, especially with Kyo's contract.

Kyo did another slower, sadder song, standing rather still at the center of the stage. The shift in energy was odd for those unaccustomed to him, but there was a click for the few in the know, a soft sway starting up at the front, the older girl beside Die wiping tears from under her eyes. Kyo's voice was worn and soft, straining through the chorus, but he kept going, tugging at his hair a little, letting the crowd, what of them knew it, sing bits of the chorus for him. Die looped his arm around the girl next to him that was crying, swaying with her and singing the chorus through the tears, just the same as she was. Kyo gave his all and both of them gave theirs as well.

Kaoru, still crouched down in front of the stage, quickly took a photo of the two of them, the girl to emotional to care about being touched by a stranger, pressing into Die's side and crying more. Quickly, he left and got back to the bar, waiting there for the end of Kyo's set. Once the song was done, Die pulled his arm back and then took hold of the rail again.

There were two more songs to go and Kyo wanted to end on a big note, mostly for CD sales purposes, which paid the gas from venue to venue without dipping into any of their pockets. Tours were about breaking even most of the time. The screams and excitement from earlier returned, both on stage and in the crowd, even usually reserved Maro coming up to the front and head-banging with the crowd, Kyo looping an arm around his neck while he sang. Once more, Die put his all into it, doing his best to show Kyo just how much this meant to him and how much he'd needed it. Tears, sweat, and emotion mingled in the air and he did his absolute best.

Kyo, despite having a much shorter set than he was used to, was still at the end of his energy by the last song, thrashing and gasping for breath, screaming at the crowd to do the same. He tossed his hair and sweat flew everywhere, most of it towards the crowd, who he also dowsed in water. Through the whole last chorus, he just screamed, not even to any sort of tone or rhythm, just screamed, finally letting the microphone dangle by the cord from around his arm and giving a very quick, jerky bow before staggering off stage, gone as quickly as he came on, leaving a screaming crowd behind and a band to soak up a bit of attention. The lights came back up and walk-in music started playing over the PA as crew came out to start setting up for Jonni Savv, some of the crowd, including the older girl who had been crying next to Die, turning around and getting out of the pit, or leaving altogether. By the time it was all done and over with, Die was hanging on the railing, gasping for breath while he tried to get the rest of his water into his body, handing the bottle off to a guard once he was done with it and then sagging on the rail like a spent puppet. The guard gave him a funny look, but took the bottle anyway, just tossing it off to the side.

During the switch, Kaoru came down from the bar, finding Die and petting his sweaty hair.

"Hey... are you alright? Do you need to get out?"

Die stared at Kaoru like he was foreign for a moment, his eyes unfocused, his mind still lost in the haze Kyo's concerts seemed to put him in. After a few moments, a lightbulb seemed to turn on in his head and he wet his lips a little, shaking his head.

Finally, he croaked out, "More water maybe?" his voice sounding hoarse.

Kaoru nodded, digging around in his bag, leaning to kiss Die softly before handing over the bottle.

"Fea came out to the bar to talk to me during Kyo's set and this chick came up and without saying a fucking word, flashed her tits at him."

Die let out a laugh, shaking his head as he accepted the water and opened it, sipping at it a little and recapping it.

"Dude, at least she didn't attack him. I guess that's better than the alternative."

Kaoru chuckled, rubbing Die's side.

"He just looked at me and went," he pulled a rather accurate Fea face of horror, "I'm gonna go now..."

He laughed again and fanned Die off.

"You sure you can make it through a full set after that?"

Die stared at him and then laughed, trying to stand up, though wavering a bit.

"I'm not leaving. I owe Fea the same thing."

He didn't care if he passed out or not. Kaoru frowned a little, brushing Die's hair back and leaning to kiss him again.

"Just don't drop on me, OK, baby?"

He waited at the rail with Die, the crew finishing up and getting ready to bring the headliners on.

"I'll try not to," he murmured, rubbing over his head again and then closing his eyes for a minute. "My feet... are killing me."

Kaoru frowned at him, rubbing his cheek with his thumb when all of a sudden everything erupted. There was no dimming of lights, no lead-in track, just the band coming on stage and the pre-show being cut and the crowd screaming like mad. Kaoru sort of laughed at himself for having been startled by it before kissing Die one more time and turning around, starting to snap shots. Guitars were slung on and Fea was already pacing the stage like a hungry animal, wearing all tight black--black jeans that clung to his legs, tight black t-shirt, and oddly enough, a floppy, wide-brimmed black felt hat, his hair like a dark banner from under it, trailing after him as he moved back and forth, a skinny, barefoot pillar.

The lights went down slowly and immediately they began to play a heavy song with no intro, the crowd picking up with Fea within a few words, singing it with him with gusto, hands flickering and waving everywhere. Die felt odd that he didn't know the song, but he honestly was just happy to be there and be watching and supporting Fea as well. He watched in fascination, his head tilted a little and his mind wondering if Kyo was actually going to have enough strength to come down and see the show from the front row himself.

Fea was a strange power house, the rest of the band, energetic for certain, overshadowed by his exuberance. Thankfully, none of them really gave a shit about things like attention, just the music, and let Fea be crazy and get them the sex appeal points. He bounced and swayed and thrashed and trembled, moving like he couldn't _not_ move, full of energy that was just as intense as Kyo's, but tinged with something less heavy than his lover's, and perhaps more dangerous. His voice was wild, but he sang much more than screamed, a distinct tone to the sound, one that was easily recognized after only a few listens. He maintained his pitch well on stage, despite his enthusiastic performance and improvised now and again, making up harmonies and letting the crowd sing the melody.

For four songs, there was no real gap, the music all crushed together in one long go, all high energy and steady. Finally, it dropped out and all of them were chugging water, Fea huffing into the microphone, plopping down on the floor after putting his hat on Dean, making a laugh ripple through the crowd. He groaned a little, blinking widely.

"Well fuck."

Another laugh. He sat there and caught his breath for a moment before popping back up, walking to the edge of the stage and putting his hand up to his eyes, looking out over the crowd.

"How the hell are you?"

A wave of screams.

"Did you like Kyo?"

A smaller ripple of cheers. Fea laughed.

"Fuckers. Come on, did you like him?"

A louder response this time. He seemed satisfied, nodding.

"Good. We're Jonni Savv, but if you didn't know that already you probably don't give a fuck."

Stepping back, he waited for the count off and a slower song started, still with the powerful push they were known for, but with a more relaxed feeling. It was nearly to the chorus when tattooed arms wrapped around Die's waist, one grabbing the rail, Kyo pulling himself in between the two girls behind Die and squishing up against his back.

Die cheered when Fea asked if anyone liked Kyo, his fist in the air while he yelled. He grinned happily at Fea, amused by his talking to the crowd and finding his show equal in intensity to Kyo's, though different in a lot of ways. But it all really did feel very much like Fea and he was glad to know the stage-man and the man he'd gotten to know weren't so far off from one another.

A soft shiver rippled through Die's body when tattooed arms slipped around his waist. It was a feeling he knew all too well and he sank into the touch, enjoying it for a moment before he shifted as much as he could and dragged Kyo to in front of him, knowing he was well taller than the other man and didn't want him to not be able to see Fea's performance.

Kyo laughed, squeezing in front, sagging on the rail and watching his lover. Fea didn't seem to notice just yet, looking up, mostly, while he was on stage, as if the lights dazzled him. By the end of the song, he was all but tearing off his shirt, pouring sweat, his long hair sticking to him. As was probably expected, a cat call rang out and he hammed it up, rubbing his hand down his chest and briefly into the front of his pants before making a face and flicking them off. Kyo let out a loud laugh and pressed back into Die, jumping up and down when the next song started, singing at the top of what was left of his voice, the whole crowd following suit.

Die couldn't help the wide grin that made its way onto his face at Fea's reaction and Kyo's exuberance. It was all so utterly and entirely adorable and, honestly, expected. He jumped along with Kyo, wanting to show his support despite not knowing the words to the song.

The entire set was all high energy, even the softer songs still with a persistent rhythm and force. They didn't play the sad songs at shows, not often, and tonight they were all feeling full of insatiable fire, anyway. At points, Fea would flail about on the floor, kicking his feet like a toddle having a tantrum, or fall to his knees and rock quickly back and forth, his hair falling like a fan onto the stage and whipping back before he fell onto his back completely, seeming to be mad. Perhaps he was. It was nearly an hour in before there was another real break, Fea chugging water and sitting on the front of the stage, feet dangling off, slapping hands that reached for him in half-hearted high fives.

"You know we've got to go soon."

A sad noise shifted up through the crowd.

"We have to! Nothing good lasts forever, right? But we'll play a few more. I want to see you fuckers work for it."

Screams of excitement nearly drowned out the first bars of the next song, apparently a favorite with the fans. The intense thrashing and movement reached a feverish pitch and Fea jumped down onto the floor, going to the rail right in front of Die and Kyo, hands going to him, trying to grab at him and then thinking twice about it, just sliding across his sweaty torso and plucking briefly at his hair as he gripped the rail and tried to haul himself up onto it, microphone in one hand.

Die found himself really getting into it, throwing his entire body into the whole thing and enjoying it. He was tired, but that didn't stop him from doing what he was at all. He just followed the lead of the crowd, going with it and wishing this was what everyone would do for Kyo as well.

When Fea came barreling up to the rail and started to climb up, Die immediately squished in a little more to get a good grip on him and try to help him up a bit so he wasn't just doing it on his own. He just hoped Fea knew the touch was his and that it didn't prompt anyone else to do something stupid, like grab at his crotch or something. Kyo wrapped an arm around one of Fea's calves to keep him steady, knowing his lover was used to doing this stupid trick. A tattooed hand reached down to Die and squeezed his wrist, green eyes shooting down a moment to smile at him, a few other hands coming to hold him up, supporting his long, skinny legs as he looked like he was starting to wobble. Die peered up at him, completely enraptured by this, his eyes sparkling with happiness. He was happy that Fea realized it was him and wasn't swatting his hand away. Fea stayed there for half of the song before shooing their hands off and hopping back down, climbing back onto the stage and finishing out the main set. Once he was getting down, Die let go immediately.

They were known for rarely ever doing encores and so when Fea muttered "one more" before starting into the last song, every last bit of energy was squeezed out of the crowd, jumping and screaming, crushing up against Die and Kyo even more, everything reaching a fever pitch. Even the guards at the front of the stage looked nervous. When the got to the last song, Die threw his last bits of strength into it all, cheering and screaming with what was left of his voice for the night.

Kyo hugged onto Die, wearing out but head-banging a little, watching Fea laugh a little at him, their eyes meeting for a moment before Fea threw himself back into the music completely, finishing out the song and toppling over, laying there in a mess for a moment before pulling himself back up, joining the rest of the band at the front of the stage and giving little nods of appreciation and waves, throwing picks and water bottles and drum sticks, Fea throwing out air kisses left and right before blowing one straight at Kyo, risking it, turning on his heel, the soles of his feet black from the stage, and heading off.

The lights came back up, music from the bar's PA starting to play, and all of a sudden it was like waking up, the crowd dispersing. Kyo stayed at the rail for a moment to catch his breath before waving over a guard. Die let Kyo go immediately when the lights came back up, not wanting to risk Kyo being seen with him pressed so close.

"I've got to get back stage. I'll text you and meet you in a while, OK? Kaoru's at the bar."

He rubbed Die's hair and showed his pass to the guard, getting a hand over the rail and hurrying off towards backstage. He nodded and then smiled at him, having to stay at the rail for a moment longer before he tottered off toward the bar, not at all in a straight line and mostly stumbling, looking about ready to either fall over or hurl... possibly both. Kaoru saw him immediately and went to wrap his arms around him, not caring that Die was all sweaty and gross.

"Hey... you alright?"

Die sort of staggered up and collapsed onto a bar stool, swallowing thickly.

"Water..." he let out before he put his head down on the bar and sagged there.

Before Kaoru had time to even ask, there was already a large cup of ice water on the bar in front of Die, the butchy female bartender giving Kaoru a little wink before going to the other customers. Die sat up a little and then sipped at the water, knowing better than to chug it and throw it all back up. He sighed a little and spit a piece of ice into his hand, rubbing the ice over his face with a tired look.

Kaoru frowned, rubbing Die's back, letting him cool down and calm himself. There was a crowd at the bar, still energized from the show, but after about twenty minutes, what was left of the patrons not drinking were either at the merch table or gone, having had their fun and ready to go home back to the normal world. Kaoru watched them, keeping a hand on Die to let him know he was there while still trying to give him some breathing room. Die finally got up after a few minutes and staggered over to the merch table, seeing the girl he'd been standing next to earlier. He gave her a small smile.

"So... before I blow my money, do I owe you five bucks?"

He peered over at the merch, deciding on one of Fea's CDs as well as a t-shirt. From Kyo's side, he really already had everything, but he quickly stuffed twenty bucks into the jar that said _Artist Tips_ before glancing back at the girl, a questioning look on his face.

She was covered in sweat, her hair in a sloppy bun, blinking at him before recognizing what was going on and shaking her head, holding up Kyo's CD as her answer. Die laughed and held up his hand for a high five. Once he'd gotten it, he moved to ask for the CD from Fea's table as well as the t-shirt. He had to smirk at it, it being something like what he'd expect from them after having seen them live. It had a merry-go-round on it that was a little bit faded out with the band name printed across the bottom in a script sort of font. He bought two, one in his size and one in Kaoru's, then grabbed the latest CD, smiling at the guy behind the merch booth and handing over the required amount of money. Coming back to Kaoru's side, he picked up his water again and drank some of it, pushing one t-shirt toward Kaoru. Kaoru smiled at the shirt.

"What, we can't just share one?"

He leaned forward and grabbed Die at the back of his neck, kissing him, pressing up against him enough to feel Die's phone vibrating in his pocket. He laughed softly.

"Hey, supporting the artist here." He smirked. "I tried to find something of Kyo's I don't already own... that didn't work." He shrugged a little. "Just put money in the tip jar instead."

He kissed him back a moment later and then reluctantly pulled back when his phone vibrated. Pulling it out, he peered at it to see what was going on. Kaoru hung onto Die, pouting when he pulled away from the kiss. The text was from Kyo.

_Fea says he know where you're parked. Meet us at your car in fifteen._

Die showed the text to Kaoru and then pecked him on the lips once more before slipping off the stool, slipping five to the bar tender and then staggering off toward the exit, making sure Kaoru was with him. Once they were at the car, he unlocked it and popped the trunk, getting inside and attaching the radar detector, orienting himself well enough to drive. Kaoru got into the front seat, reaching over and rubbing Die's leg.

"Are you sure you're OK to drive?" he asked cautiously.

The parking lot was mostly clear around them, most people having already head out.

"Yeah, I'm still wired. I'm okay. Just... got to be aware of what I'm doing, that's all."

Kaoru nodded, leaning over and kissing Die's cheek, trailing down to his mouth slowly and sealing his lips over Die's, hoping it might ground him a little. Die let it go on for a long minute before he pulled back, afraid he was going to start getting aroused again. He pecked his lips again and then settled back, rubbing his eyes, not caring that he was rubbing makeup everywhere. Kaoru sat back and rubbed Die's knee, liking the quiet, just watching Die and then shifting when he heard the trunk open and bags go in, then close. He sat up and turned, smiling as still very sweaty and rumpled looking Kyo and Fea slid into the back seat. Fea was grinning ear to ear all the same, still wired up and intent on staying up for quite a while once they were back at Kaoru and Die's place.

"Home, then?"

Die nodded.

"Definitely. And buckle up, because I don't do the speed limit."

He waited on everyone to be entirely in and buckled before he pulled out and once they were back on the interstate, he was doing a significantly higher rate of speed than he had been on the way there. Fea and Kyo were lounged against each other in the back, kissing lazily. Kaoru couldn't help but glare at Die a little, unable to keep himself from being the cautious voice of reason.

"Baby, I'm serious. Slow down."

Die sighed softly, slowing down some. He was of the opinion that the faster he got there, the faster he could stop driving the car, but if Kaoru was annoyed, then he'd slow down just for him. Kaoru visibly relaxed, settling down more in his seat.

"Thank you."

He turned and watched Kyo and Fea make out for a moment, hoping Die wouldn't notice, honestly. He didn't need anything else to distract him. Thankfully, the roads were clear, however, and the drive back didn't seem quite so long. Die, thankfully, didn't notice Kyo and Fea. If he had, he'd probably have told them to please knock it off until they were at the house so he wouldn't have to be tortured by it. But his eyes were on the road and only the road, so he never once noticed.

When they arrived at the house, he unplugged the radar detector and turned off the car, popping the trunk and getting out, going to put the device in his own car under the seat. With that done, he went to unlock the house. Kyo and Fea got out, dragging their feet a little, grabbing their backpacks out of the trunk and following Kaoru in after Die. Makoto had been left inside and immediate bolted for the door, making it down to the bottom of the steps before peeing. Kaoru laughed, sagging against the kitchen counter at him.

"Good boy, Mako! You waited!"

Die quickly went into the spare room to make sure the futon was set up and looking right. Once he was sure it was okay, he also double-checked that he'd put the poster of Kyo away in the closet again, not wanting to weird his friend out a second time. Coming back out, he quickly went to the fridge, pulling out the Chinese food he'd gotten before they'd left, warming it all up and making four plates and a small bowl of leftovers for Mako, which he put in the floor. Fea stretched, following Kaoru around for a short tour of the house. Kyo put their bags in the room, looking at the food with big eyes.

"Food, then shower. I have to get clean, I feel disgusting."

He sat down and dug in, starved, Fea joining him a moment later. Kaoru slid up behind Die and rubbed a hand across his back, grabbing for a plate as well. Die settled down and ate about half a plateful before he got up and went to the bathroom, making sure he set out two towels and two washcloths, carefully putting out everything he thought they'd need before peeing and then coming back out, sitting back down to eat again. Fea and Kyo ate like starved men, which is what they both felt like right about then. Taking the empty plates to the sink, Fea hugged both Kaoru and Die around the waists.

"Thanks a million for letting us stay with you for tonight. It's nice to have a little bit of normalcy on tour."

Kaoru smiled and rubbed his back, letting him go to tug Kyo towards the shower shouting

"We'll be out in a bit, disregard any noises you may hear!" laughing and closing the door.

Die gave them a soft smile and once they had disappeared into the shower, he winced a little, masking it by hiding behind his hair. Picking up his remote, he flicked on the stereo, turning it up enough to cover any noise. He didn't really feel up for hearing them fuck right then when he knew he couldn't do anything about his own problems, even in his own house. Once he was done with his meal, he took the other plates and went about cleaning up. With that done, he went to make sure the bed was ready for Kaoru to climb into, setting out both of their pajamas and then ditching his boots and belts, and all of his jewelry. Padding back off toward the living room, he lit some incense and then picked up his prayer beads, saying a short prayer about Kaoru's health, like he had been each day since the chemo had started. Then he changed out the offering on the altar. Going back to the kitchen, he picked up the broom and swept up the kitchen. Then he went to get his laptop from the spare room, moving it to the living room that way if he woke up during the night, he could still have something to do.

Kaoru watched Die keep busy, smirking, just letting him suffer for a while. Even over the music, moans could be heard, along with Fea's distinctive laugh. Going to change, Kaoru came back in his pajamas, curling up with Die on the couch.

"So when Fea came to watch Kyo's set with me, I asked him for a favor."

Die sat down on the edge of the couch and chewed on his lower lip a little, trying very hard to keep his mind off Kyo and Fea having fun in the bathroom. He didn't want to wish for them to be quieter or anything that might get back to Kyo. Instead, he just kept himself thinking about other things, very carefully, in fact. Picking up little bits of Mako's fur from the couch, he started a pile of it.

"Oh?" he asked, still plucking up hair after hair.

Kaoru sort of sighed at Die's nervous gathering of Mako's fur, taking the pile and Die's wrists to stop him.

"Actually, he and I had been talking for a while before this show. I may or may not have snooped in your phone enough to get his number”

Die paused at the fact that they'd been talking. He wondered how bad the news could possibly be for him to have actually stopped him from picking up Makoto's hair from the couch. Chewing on his lower lip a little bit, he pressed his lips together, waiting on the proverbial bomb to drop.

“Basically, I've asked him and Kyo to... help you relax."

He gave Die a pleading face to just go with it and not flip out on him before sighing again.

"Alright, I asked them to fuck you."

He laughed at himself, leaning into Die a little.

"You need to get laid, baby, desperately. You've got to release that pressure valve or I'm scared, for both of us, you're going to be taking on way more than you can handle. You're already doing... so, so much."

He rubbed Die's leg, giving him a sad smile, waiting to see what he thought of it, expecting an argument.

He gave an odd look to Kaoru about the 'helping him relax' part. He didn't get it, thinking about how he was more relaxed, just knowing that he got to see his friends again. But then Kaoru said he'd asked them to fuck him and his eyes widened, a deep blush covering his face. Rubbing his hands over his cheeks a little, he then shoved them into

his hair and ducked his head.

After a moment, he murmured, "I don't mean to be so worked up, I just... I've been busy."

He gave a funny look to Kaoru and then sighed, leaning back.

"I..." he tried to argue, tried to figure out a way to actually say he thought he should object and that he shouldn't be having sex with his two best friends even though Kaoru was sort of out of commission. But he couldn't actually figure out what to say. His body just didn't want to object, though his mind protested, albeit weakly. Kaoru laughed softly at him, rubbing his back.

"Baby... it's OK. I'm about to pass out, anyway, and I haven't been able to do much of jack for you. I know how you are, and it's OK. I trust you, I trust them. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to, no one's forcing you, but if you want it, it's there." He leaned down and kissed Die's ear. "OK?"

Sighing softly, he just nodded a little and then ran his hand over his whole face before closing his eyes and mumbling, "I need a shower."

Hopefully Kyo and Fea would finish up soon with whatever they were doing and migrate to the bedroom so he could at least get clean while he thought about what to do. Kaoru frowned at Die looking put upon, rubbing his cheek.

"Why don't you go do that when they finish, I'll make them some tea before I head to bed, then you come kiss me goodnight before you go have fun?"

Die just gave a little nod and then flopped his head back against the back of the couch.

"You're sure you're okay with this?"

Even though he was the one who had asked for it, so you'd think that it was obvious,

but he figured to ask anyway. Kaoru laughed a little, giving Die's neck a tiny kiss before getting up and patting his knee.

"Of course, honey."

He started a kettle of water for tea, knowing both singers would need it for their throats.

"I don't want you feeling guilty about this, OK?"

He leaned around from the kitchen to the living room.

"You need this. And I need you to get this so we don't get too tense around each other and blow up, alright? I'm offering this to you for both of us."

Die just sighed a little and pinched the bridge of his nose a little. But when Kaoru spoke to him again, he nodded a little and dropped his hand down to his lap.

"Okay."

Getting up, he headed to the bedroom again, pulling out one little bag and quickly shoving his strap-on, lube, some condoms, and his change of clothing in with it. Biting his lip a little, he went to put the bag into the spare room before he just went back to the living room, hoping he could maybe get a shower soon because he felt gross.

Kaoru made a strong pot of peppermint and lemon grass tea, pouring two cups and adding agave nectar to it just as Kyo and Fea were coming out of the bathroom looking obviously post-fuck, or at the very least fooling around, Fea toweling out his long hair, both bare-chested and wearing only sleep-wear pants. Kyo purred at the smell of the tea, taking the offering cup and kissing Kaoru's cheek.

"Nnnn, you're the best."

Die just sort of awkwardly slipped inside the bathroom once they were out of it, closing the door and quickly going about getting undressed, turning the shower back on. Sighing softly, he crawled in and started to scrub off his body, feeling honestly sort of nervous that maybe his friends had just been talked into it and it wasn't an honestly voluntary thing for them. It was just how he was, nervous and always worrying about something or another, so it really wasn't all that surprising. Scrubbing at himself with his loofah, he tried hard to stop worrying.

Kaoru sat with Fea and Kyo in the kitchen for a while, talking over tea and shaking their heads at Die's obvious hesitance, not for lack of want, but for paranoia he would step on toes. All of them understood that about him by now, but neither of the couple had any reservations about including Die for the night. Kaoru finished a small cup of tea and then hugged them both, telling them to be good to Die and not worry about being quiet, going off into the bedroom. He stripped down, rubbing his bare head, almost not believing he didn't have hair anymore, and changed into his pajamas, crawling into bed after calling Makoto into the room, curling up in the middle and closing his eyes, already feeling half-asleep before he could even wrap his arms around the dog to keep him warm.

Die took his time in the shower, trying to ease his nerves with the stream of warm water. By the time he finally got out, the water was running cold and he was shivering a little bit. He dried off quickly and then put his clothing in a stack to deal with it all later, probably in the morning. He dried his hair somewhat with the blow-dryer and then wrapped his huge towel around him, regretting not bringing in his clothing and feeling silly. He stood by the door, his heart thumping loudly in his chest for a few moments before he cracked it open and quickly made a bolt for the other room, kneeling to dig in the bag to get clothing on.

Kyo and Fea were sharing a cigarette on the back porch, coming back in as Die finished dressing. Fea snuck into the room, knocking on the door frame.

"Hey..."

He smirked a little, leaning in the door, hardly fitting inside the frame. Kyo slid up beside him, wrapping his arms around Fea's waist, looking Die up and down.

"Are you ready for us?"

There was a teasing tone to his voice, both of them looking a bit like cats that had caught a mouse. Die actually managed to fall over on his ass, his boxer briefs most of the way up, but not entirely, tank top on his torso. He stared up at them with wide eyes and a blush on his face, looking for all the world like he wasn't the total sex fiend that he actually was. It was sort of like he'd repressed so much that he had turned back into a shy almost-virginal teenager rather than the grown man with constantly aching desires that he was. Scrambling to yank the boxers up to the right place, he stuttered out something about them not having to do this if they didn't want to, the words stumbling over one another and making him feel stupider than he already did. Both of them laughed a little, feeling bad, not wanting to embarrass him. At the comment, Fea stepped forward, Kyo closing the room's door. Sliding a hand around to Die's back and squatting down a bit, Fea pressed his clothes hard-on against Die's hip.

"Does that feel like I don't want to?"

Die let out a little whimper, immediately looking like he was already being fucked. His body flushed hotly and tingling set up between his legs, showing just how desperate he actually was for this. A little keening whine came from his throat before he had to close his eyes and try to control himself.

Fea laughed again, kissing Die's jaw in a sort of fond gesture, pressing against him a bit more before pulling away. Kyo had found Die's strap on from the bag and replaced his lover, grabbing Die around the waist and shoving his other hand down his friend's underwear, immediately rubbing at his clit, kissing him roughly.

"You need this, don't you?" he asked in a huff between kisses, pressing the strap-on to Die's hip. "I make you hard, don't I?"

Die's hips jerked roughly the moment Kyo touched him, his head falling back a little, the fine arch of his neck seeming almost delicate at that moment. He reached up to clutch at Kyo's bicep with one hand, a cry leaving his lips that was honestly completely unrestrained. Again his hips bucked, pushing Kyo's finger deeper into his already slickening passage.

"Y-yes," he managed to get out, though in a rather strangled voice. It was unclear what he was answering, but he didn't really see that it mattered.

Kyo chuckled, licking the side of Die's face and toying at the piercing through his clit a bit more before stepping back and handing him the strap-on.

"Well, then, show me how hard I make you."

Fea sat in Kaoru's office chair, looking amused, rubbing his cock through his loose yoga pants rather nonchalantly. Die arched into the touch again, his voice ringing out in a cry that clearly told how desperately close to the edge he was already. But then Kyo was pulling back, handing over the strap-on, and he just fumbled, taking it and the moving to get his clothing back off and his dick on. Once he had, he couldn't contain himself anymore, just grabbing Kyo's hand and putting it on his cock.

"This hard," he informed, thrusting into his hand. "I want this... so bad!"

There was a soft laugh from Fea and Kyo ignored it, purring and stroking Die for a moment before pushing back by the shoulders to sit on the futon, crawling into his lap and rubbing his shoulders.

"Ooooh, you're so wound up!"

He massaged Die's shoulders for a while, looking him over with sultry eyes, leaning to kiss his neck.

"Here... let me help you."

Slipping down onto the floor, he spread Die's knees, scooting up between them and reaching to grasp the plastic cock. He pushed his hair back behind his ears and looked up at Die, giving his best slut eyes as he leaned forward and gave the tip of the thing a little lick.

Die stumbled a little, sinking onto the futon and then staring up at Kyo with wide eyes as he came to straddle him, rubbing at his shoulders. For the time being, he just let himself feel: the slick slide of his lower lips as he shifted slightly, the feeling of Kyo's gorgeous hands on his skin, the soft puff of breath against his neck just before lips came to claim the skin. Sighing faintly in a way of surrendering himself to it all, his hands came up to lightly caress that back before Kyo was slowly sliding down between his legs and then giving him that crazy sexy look that he'd honestly hoped would be turned on him one day by the singer. Shivering, he let out a little gasp when Kyo licked at his dick.

"Ah~!" he hissed out the moment it happened, his hips shifting a little, unable to stay still.

There was a soft sound of what seemed to be surprised pleasure from Fea, but Kyo ignored it, sucking the head of Die's cock into his mouth, eyes staying on him. He had to really get himself in the zone and think of this as nothing less than Die's literal, flesh-and-blood cock, otherwise not only would he probably not get his friend off, he might also manage to offend him quite a bit. Switching off any inhibitions that told him this was silly, Kyo pressed his hands down on Die's thighs, tongue stroking at the head of his cock and wide lips closing over it, sliding down a bit with a moan. Die's eyes remained on Kyo, watching his dick disappear into his mouth. With a loud moan, he reached to tangle his fingers into Kyo's hair, gently stroking at the gorgeous locks while the other went down on him.

A few minutes passed before he whispered out almost hoarsely, "If you don't stop... I'll cum."

He looked flushed and a little sweaty, his hands trembling slightly where he touched Kyo at. Kyo looked up at him, pulling up off his dick and blinking up at him. His hands came up to Die's stomach, petting lightly. He leaned to kiss the center of his chest, just over his breastbone.

"Don't you want to cum?"

Die shivered a little and whined softly. He did want to cum, but he didn't want it all to end so soon. He knew that if he came now, he wouldn't want to stop. Whimpering a little bit, he closed his eyes and pushed his hips up a little.

Fea murmured something in Russian and Kyo looked over his shoulder at him, nodding with a grin. Moving from the chair down to the floor, Fea crawled up behind Kyo, who lifted himself up on his knees, starting to kiss at Die's stomach to let him calm down a bit. Fea tugged Kyo's boxers down over his ass and rubbed his tattooed hands over those perfect globes, reaching over to where Die had set the lube and flicking open the bottle with his thumb. His eyes came up to Die and the green seemed to flash fire for a moment.

"I'll get him ready for you."

Every single touch made Die shiver and bite on his lower lip. It took him a minute to actually register what was going on and when he did, he flushed brightly.

"I... he... you... _oh god_ ," was all Die could get out before he just lost it, a strangled cry coming out as his passage started contracting, just the mere thought of what was going to happen pushing him over the edge.

Kyo sat back immediately, eyes wide and watching Die. He seemed... fascinated. Excited, even. The prospect that Die could cum from even the simple thought was both amusing and somehow arousing. He laughed softly and continued to pet him, kissing along the faint scars on his chest and gasping when Fea slid a finger into him.

"Mmm, do you really want to fuck me that bad, Die?"

He was left in a sort of melted mass of quivering Die-ness when it was over, his body having needed it so badly that despite it not being all that powerful, it left him needing a minute to recover. When Kyo asked the question, Die just blushed darkly and ducked his head, knowing his thoughts were betraying the fact that he'd done more than even just dream about such things. Kyo's eyes narrowed and darkened, hips pushing back against Fea as his lover kissed across his back, slowly fucking him with his fingers to stretch him. Kyo's hands slid over Die's body and he leaned his head to kiss the side of Die's cock.

"You know, you should be careful what you wish for."

Die let out a hoarse chuckle, trying to pull himself back together, blinking languidly at him.

"Yeah? Well... maybe I should just wish for things more often if I get them when I do."

Kyo growled at him a little, Fea throwing in, "Cheeky bastard," before making Kyo moan loudly.

Somehow, the blond's reaction to this was to immediately start sucking Die's cock again, Fea chuckling at him as he scissored his long fingers inside the other. Die groaned, his hips pushing up a little and his hand immediately coming to Kyo's head, pushing him down on his cock, though not enough to hurt his throat or anything, just wanting him to feel like he was in control of this. Kyo gave a little moan, putting his hand around the base to ensure Die couldn't get too enthusiastic and make him deep throat, sucking his cock hard, letting out tiny sounds of pleasure as Fea worked at him more.

Die groaned out, his thoughts imagining that he could feel every single bit of it. It was really vivid and intense, impossible to miss if either Kyo or Fea were paying attention, the way that he could get off from such a thing more than obvious. Kyo whored it up, purring and slurping like he really enjoyed it, which wasn't so far from the truth, both of them trying to give Die little snippets of what it was really like to get blown, wanting to help fill in what he was missing, biologically.

Fea had in a third finger, now, and Kyo was getting antsy, bucking his hips back towards his lover and squeezing onto Die's thighs. Die could feel it, both of them pushing the knowledge of how it really felt to him and giving him those little extra pieces that he couldn't actually know. It didn't take him long to start getting impatient, his body insisting that he needed just a little bit more. Eventually, he sort of pulled Kyo off his dick.

"Oh god, let me fuck you," he hissed out, his eyes almost pitch black with pure lust.

Kyo sat up, Fea moving back, cleaning his hand and going to his chair again. Kyo wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, pushing his hair back from his face.

"How?" He stood up, taking his pants completely off, standing naked in front of Die. "On my back? On my knees? How do you want it?"

Die stared up at him for a moment and then laid back, motioning Kyo over him.

"Straddle me. I want you to ride me."

Kyo lifted a slim brow, but didn't protest, moving to put on knee on either side of Die, grabbing the lube and drizzling it over Die's cock. Fea was in the chair like some sort of sexual vulture, watching with an intense expression. Kyo scoot up and reached behind him to steady Die's length and as he sat back, sinking over it with a little sound of mixed pain and pleasure, Fea nudged against Die's mind, giving him little memory snippets of the sensation of Kyo sliding over him. Die watched Kyo, his eyes following every single movement as though he could glean feeling from vision. And when Kyo sank down on him, he let out a whimpering moan, his hips arching up to try to help get all of him inside Kyo's body. He knew he wouldn't be able to just lay under him forever, but he wanted this, to see Kyo riding his cock, hopefully in pure abandon.

The moment the feeling washed over him, he knew Fea was pushing it on him, giving him what he couldn't possibly know with this physical extension rather than a true biological cock. Instantly, his pleasure ramped, the new knowledge of sensation flooding over him like warm water on a freezing day.

Kyo's hands went up to his hair, gripping it, a ragged moan leaving him as he rolled his hips, sinking all the way down over Die and grinding there for a moment. Fea kept sending Die little montage reels of memories of past fuck sessions with Kyo, trying to keep out the love making. That wasn't for anyone else but them, but it was all too clear just how terribly, deeply, madly in love he was with Kyo from the way he looked at his lover, watching him fuck someone else from across a room, and still his eyes were adoring. It was hard not to be incredibly aroused when he was sending Die the memory feel of what it was like to have Kyo on him like this, but he was patient. Kyo moved slowly at first, riding him in languid circles to get himself used to the feeling, the muscles of his stomach tensing under the skin, his body moving with a lust-tinged grace. Die felt like his world was shrinking down to just the three of them, a close connection forming itself deep inside him that he was certain could be felt though everything he was doing. His eyes finally slid closed as his hands moved to hold onto Kyo's hips, long fingers splayed over the muscular area, holding gently and mostly caressing.

He pushed back the way he felt to Fea, the way his fingers registered that skin, the way he could feel other things more clearly without the constant feeling from his dick. The fact that even from his position, Kyo's breath was caressing his face and moving strands of his hair, the feeling of the singer's thighs against his own. Kyo let out more sounds of pleasure, his voice coming out high, hand knotted in his hair, hips moving a bit steadier, quicker. Fea hummed softly from his spot at the chair to be given back a small window into what it was like for Die, putting his cheek on his fist and watching Kyo do what he did best, which was _become_ the very act of sex, the pure embodiment of sensuality.

Kyo aroused was one of two things; vicious as a top, or incredibly in tune as a bottom. Die honestly hadn't become all the familiar with this side of Kyo and it aroused him to no end to be seeing it. Something about the other man acting like this with him was making the experience that much more amazing. Reaching up, he slide his hands up Kyo's sides and then over his back, feeling the muscles moving there, enjoying the feeling of it. Something about Kyo's body was pure fascination for Die, something he wished he was a sculptor so he could build it again with his own hands. He'd never seen a muscle structure as perfect in his life. Though, the truth was, he'd never give up Kaoru's high cheekbones or hawkish nose any day and he only hoped his lover knew such things. Biting his lip, Kyo looked down at Die, moving more up and down than in the circles he had been making, giving a loud moan.

"You like this?"

Die lightly raked his nails down Kyo's back, careful not to actually leave marks since he was on tour. His eyes met Kyo's and he allowed a little smirk to hover on his lips.

"Of course I do," he whispered out heatedly.

Kyo leaned into the scratches, pouting that he couldn't really get enthusiastic about it.

Unh... I like it, too..."

He arched his back and his breath hitched, putting himself right where he needed to be to get the best stimulation, his hips moving a bit faster, the noises coming from him growing in frequency. Die let out a growl and slid his hands down to Kyo's ass, grabbing ithard, kneading the flesh.

Seeming to somehow shift gears, he hissed out, "I just want to stick my face in your ass."

Both Fea and Kyo were in laughter at that, Kyo pitching forward and bracing himself on a hand against Die's chest. Fea turned back and forth in the chair, grinning.

"I've done it. It's like heaven."

Die blushed and shivered a little bit.

"Heaven," he murmured softly, "I can see it."

He slid his hands up to rub them over Kyo's arms, squeezing his biceps a bit. Kyo bit his lip in a smile, starting up his pace again, eyes slipping shut and letting Die touch him. His body was feeling particularly sensitive tonight and each little touch was delicious. Die let him keep going for a little bit longer before he finally took them and shifted, flipping them over so he was on top, his arms on either side of Kyo's body, his eyes staring down intently into Kyo's. A moment later, his mouth was crushed against the vocalist's and his hips were moving, his body hungry for this.

Kyo gasped when Die flipped them, spread his legs, knees out against the bed. His hands went to Die's back, lifting up to kiss him back, hips rocking with his thrusts, wanting it. He writhed and moaned, angling his hips to let Die in deeper. Fea prod into Die's mind again, showing him where that secret little button was; just under his right ear, about two inches down and a hair back, on his neck, the spot that would turn Kyo into a tizzy of need and pleasure. Die's tongue slid over Kyo's lips before he pulled back, migrating down to his jaw and then back along it to his ear, slowly migrating to that place, trying to make it seem like he wasn't doing it on purpose. And then he attached himself there, sucking on it and lapping at it with his tongue while his hips pistoned in and out of Kyo's body desperately. Kyo sighed as Die moved down, clinging to him and just taking the fuck, sort of blissed out. When Die found that quarter-sized spot, however, his eyes snapped open. He let out a loud, nearly pained moan and started to buck. His body ran rigid and he gripped Die's back, gasping for air.

"F-fuck! Oh god, Die!"

Die was amazed at the change, enthusiastically going at Kyo from both places, trying hard to find that spot inside him as well, wanting to give him the best he possibly could while he got his own from this. As he thrust in, his strap-on rubbed against his clit, making him feel almost dizzy, though he longed for something to be inside him as well, maybe even just a finger.

Kyo was panting as though it was hard for him to draw a breath, like he was having a panic attack, but he was fighting _towards_ Die. He tried to keep his hips at the right angle, almost overwhelmed by it all, Die's lips at his neck driving him insane. And then he was gone. A scream left him, loud enough to have Makoto barking at the door, and his nails raked down Die's back, drawing beads of blood as his body tensed and he made a royal mess between them. Die could feel it coming, the tense and push of Kyo's body, the way he almost tried to crawl closer to him. His hips pushed even faster and even as Kyo came, Die continued to suck on his neck, nipping there and then groaning deep in his ear as he shuddered and then came as well, his body spasming with pure bliss.

"Fuck, Kyo," he groaned out, the sting on his back making him feel even more sensitive.

The moment was, for lack of a better word, perfect. Still shaking, Kyo started rubbing his hands over the claw marks through Die's tattoo, panting out

"I'm sorry, fuck! I'm so sorry!" smelling blood.

He couldn't bring himself to care too much, though, still shifting his hips against Die, a hand speared in his red hair. Die let out a little hiss, but finally released Kyo's neck and shook his head a little.

"No... don't be sorry."

He chuckled softly and nuzzled his neck a bit. "Goddamn," he murmured.

Kyo was a limp mass under him, rubbing his back a little and panting to catch his breath.

"For fucking real... gah..."

Fea was chuckling in the corner at them, finding their mutual moment of stupefied afterglow amusing. Die waited for a few moments before he shifted to pull out, his

fingers automatically going down to gently rub at Kyo's entrance, almost tenderly.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly.

Kyo purred a little, shaking his head.

"No, I'm OK..."

He stretched, rubbing his hands through the cum on his chest. Die shifted again and then kissed his nose gently, smiling and seeming much less stressed out already. Shifting down, he licked at the cum on Kyo's abdomen. A moment later, he flopped over and then looked over at Fea.

"Please tell me you want to fuck the shit out of me?"

Again, both of them let out a loud laugh, Kyo shifting over on the bed to get out the way, giving them plenty of room as Fea stood and stretched his long, inked body, giving Die a sultry look and a nod, shucking off his loose pants and going over to the bed, stroking himself. He crawled in between Die's legs and pulled him around a big to be more centered on the bed, taking off Die's strap-on and setting it aside, slipping two fingers into the wet, hot passage.

"I'll fuck you cross-eyed, I promise."

Die watched Fea stand up, eying the bulge in his pants with interest. Any hard dick tended to get his attention, especially lately, and the fact that he was about to see this one made it all that much better. He groaned when he saw Fea revealed to him entirely and he smiled happily at him. A moment later he let out a surprised sound of pleasure as those fingers slipped into him.

Ensured that Die was more than wet enough, Fea wasted no time, spreading the other with his fingers and pressing himself to that tight passage, shoving in and watching Die's face for a reaction. Kyo was on his side on the other side of the bed, watching them with casual amusement. Die let out a shocked cry of pleasure, his hips arching up as Fea entered him. It felt so good to be penetrated that his passage just clenched tight around Fea for a moment, his face contorted in absolute pleasure.

Fea let out a purr from the back of his throat, hooking his elbows under Die's knees and hoisting the other into his lap. Immediately, he began to thrust, hard, snapping his hips into the other man, watching his thick length fucking that amazing, slick passage. Die shivered a bit and then started crying out as Fea started rubbing against a very nice place inside him. He tried to push up a little more, wanting direct pushes against it with the head of Fea's cock. Fea let out a moan, gripping Die's hips and holding him in that position, slowing down a little to trade out speed for force.

"Like that?" he asked cheekily, knowing he was slamming right into Die's g-spot.

Die's cries ramped up even more, his hands flailing around and grabbing on anything they could find, which became Fea's wrist and Kyo's bicep. Kyo stroked Die's arm, a devilish look in his eyes as he watched Fea find a new rhythm, close, himself, from having waited and watched while he and Die had fucked. He knew from his lover's face that he wasn't going to last much longer, and from the sounds Die was making, neither was he.It felt so damn good to have someone shoving into him like that. Whimpering, he tried to keep himself quiet.

But after a few moments, he just couldn't and started up again. "Oh god, touch my cock!" he pretty much demanded.

Makoto was barking at the door again and Kyo couldn't stop himself from laughing, giggling as quietly as he could as Fea grasped at the redhead's clit and stroked, matching the pace of his thrusts. Green eyes began to unfocus and then rolled backwards, lids slipping shut. He was so close, his pace quickening ever so slightly. Die's hips bucked and then he cried out desperately a moment later, everything becoming a fever pitch of absolute bliss. His body flushed hotly, his cunt tightening around Fea's dick for a long moment before he lost it, warmth gushing out around Fea's dick as he came.

When Die tightened around him, Fea gasped, letting out a loud moan followed by "Fuuuuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ffffff--" before his hips were still, Die's wetness making a mess between them as he shot a load inside the other, head tipped back, the tendons of his neck standing up under his skin.

Die sort of collapsed, feeling Fea cum inside him. Whimpering a little, he slid his hand up and rubbed it over Fea's arm, his eyes closing.

"Hnngg," he murmured.

Panting softly, Fea slipped out of Die, watching to see if his cum would slide back out or stay in for a while, moving to lay next to Kyo, one hand playing with Die's hair.

"Satisfied?" he asked with a smirk, wondering if this had taken the edge off Die's appetite.

Die gave a little nod, shifting closer to them both to cuddle up a little before he knew he should really get them a change of sheets, a shower, and then go sleep next to Kaoru.

"Thank you," he whispered softly, laying his head on Kyo's chest and just staying there for the moment, his legs sort of entwined with Fea's.

Kyo twirled a little bit of Die's hair around his finger, smiling.

"Mm... you're welcome. Thank _you_ for being our very tasty foreplay."

Die let out a little laugh at the idea that they still had something left in there after the round in the shower and what had just happened. But then he supposed maybe he wasn't the only one who was constantly aroused. He kissed Kyo's chest lightly and then turned to do the same to Fea before shifting to get up.

"I'll get you the spare sheets since I kinda... messed these up, okay?"

Fea laughed, nodding and getting up to strip the futon. Kyo followed Die, needing to wipe down his chest, still sticky with cum and sweat, catching Die's thought.

"We just fooled around in the shower. We haven't made love in almost two months. Trust me; we won’t sleep until that happens. And we're quiet when it's love-making, so we won’t wake you and Kaoru."

Die smiled a little and then went to get the sheets, bringing them back to Fea and then heading to the bathroom with Kyo, getting him a wet washcloth and turning on the shower, waiting on it to heat up a little, hoping there was hot water again.

"I still wish I could figure out the whole requirements of the love making thing... I try my hardest, but I don't feel like I'm managing well enough. You know?"

Kyo cleaned himself up, leaning on the counter with a little shrug.

"It's nothing someone can teach you, Die. For us, it's like... we tap into each other. It isn't just sex, I mean, we connect even when we're just fucking, but it's deep, full-on connection. Like we stop being two people. And the pleasure is more like... just energy, building between us, and when it's released, there's this... this sounds crazy, I'm sorry, I know, but it's like... this tiny brief moment where we're completely assimilated. And then we wind back out of it into our own bodies..."

He shrugged.

"I had no idea what it was like until I met him. And maybe that's only what it's like with Fea. I don't know how to tell you what it's like making love to Kaoru. Only you can figure that out."

Die slipped into the shower, but kept listening to Kyo explain. He frowned a little bit as he scrubbed off real fast.

"I don't know how to explain it, but I know that even when I've felt a connection I would consider being love during sex, that Kaoru doesn't feel it. I guess I just don't know how to make it happen with both of us at once is all."

He turned off the shower and then grabbed his red towel, wrapping up in it and coming out to peer at Kyo with a slightly perplexed look on his face. Kyo pat Die's cheek.

"I don't know what to tell you, buddy. One day, maybe you guys will figure it out."

He sighed and went to the door.

"But, I've got my own man waiting on me, so... see you in the morning."

He gave Die a smile over his shoulder and slipped out going back into the guest room and slipping into bed with Fea. Die smiled at him and nodded.

"Hopefully," he murmured softly.

After a few moments, he finished drying off and then went off to the bedroom to Kaoru. Slipping in quietly, he let Mako come in with him, sliding into bed and trying to not wake him up. The shower coming on had woken Kaoru, anyway. Rolling over, he curled up against Die, snuggling up with him.

"Mmmm... have fun?"

Die curled up next to Kaoru and pushed his face against his lover's neck, nuzzling a bit. He nodded at the question as he slipped his arms around his lover's waist. Kaoru purred a little, still half-asleep, nuzzling Die and fitting against him, petting his hair as he got comfortable, Makoto climbing up into bed with them, as well.

"Good..."

He kissed Die's brow and held onto him loosely, giving a sigh.

"Mm... goodnight."

Die didn't let go or even lessen his grip.

He murmured, "Kaoru? I love you... so much."

Kaoru woke back up a little more, blinking his eyes open, looking Die in the dark, finding his shape in the inkiness of the bedroom. Rubbing his back, he sighed again the hugged Die to him, cheek in his soft hair.

"I love you, too, Die."

Die sort of curled himself as much around Kaoru as he could, making sure he had no way to let go of him during the night unless Kaoru made it so, just wanting to hold onto his baby.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hamhamheaven edited this chapter

As promised, Fea and Kyo had kept to quiet moans and whispered affections, not getting loud at all while making slow love to each other. Both of them slept only six or seven hours, used to such a schedule from the tour, and woke before either Kaoru or Die. Makoto had nosed open the bedroom door and was whining in the kitchen, wanting to be let out. Fea got up and did so, leaving the door open while he went and relieved his bladder, coming back to call the dog back in once he'd done his business. Going to finish his morning routine--brush teeth, hair, wash face, Kyo coming in to do the same and rubbing his ears with oil for him, something he oddly liked to do, putting in the green-striped glass plugs--he tugged on some loose pants and went to sneak into Die and Kaoru's room, creeping around to Kaoru's side and sliding into bed with them, putting his long arms around both of them, cupped against Kaoru's back, not saying anything or shaking them, just laying with them for a moment, Kyo leaning in the door, chuckling softly at him.

Die had managed to fall asleep rather quickly and just as he'd suspected, he'd ended up glued to Kaoru all night, his arms never even loosening around his lover. He was simply attached, as though he were afraid to be any other way. By the time that he woke up, he felt sort of sore from not moving all night, but he just lay there, not moving, just blinking a little and then yawning. After a moment, he realized he had more than just Kaoru's hands on him and he slowly peered over Kaoru to see Fea. Smiling a little, he murmured out the softest of hellos before putting his head back down.

Kaoru shifted a little, nuzzling back into Fea in his sleep and the taller man clamped his lips together to keep from laughing, rubbing Die's back. Kyo came over and carefully sat down on the bed behind Die, leaning over and kissing his cheek, whispering "Morning," before reaching out to brush a hand over Kaoru's ear, sighing sadly at the lack of hair. Die gave a little smile and peered up at Kyo as well. His eyes were filled with happiness at being surrounded by his favorite people and he squirmed a little bit, having to move slightly since his arms were actually both numb. Kaoru twitched, stretching after a moment and cracking an eye, looking at the three of them and then giving a loud yawn. He rolled onto his back, rubbing Die's arm with one hand, the other lifting to stroke Fea's side.

"Mmmmmm... have to pee. Don't wanna get up."

Die's thoughts automatically switched over to something that he immediately knew they shouldn't have around Fea and Kyo, who could hear his thoughts quite clearly. His cheeks heated up as his mind rushed over the options, thinking of Kaoru just letting go where he was. Turning his head a little to try to hide his bright red cheeks, he burrowed his head against Kaoru's shoulder. Kyo's eyes went wide, smacking Die on the arm, not sure whether to laugh or be disgusted. Kaoru looked confused and then shook his head, leaning to kiss Die's head, catching on simply because he knew his lover.

"I am not pissing the fucking bed, thank you."

Wriggling around, he got up onto his knees, Kyo giving him a hand down to go toddle off to the bathroom before the blond laid down next to Die, cuddling him.

"So what are we gonna do today? We have to leave tonight to make sure we don't miss the bus, but it can be late."

From Kyo's reaction, Die was certain they hadn't had time to watch the video they'd send them and he was wondering if maybe it wasn't quite what they should have sent given some of his actions. He just remained there, trying hard not to think about anything else like that again for the time being. But once his poor brain was on it, it was hard to get it off of it.

"I don't really know. Is there anything you want to do that you haven't had time for?"

"Other than fucking?" Fea half teased, rolling onto his back. "Just relaxing, honestly."

Kyo nodded.

"Real showers. Real food. Real beds. This is heaven on tour, I swear."

Die smiled a little.

"Well, that I can arrange. What would you like for dinner? I have some drinks I want you to try that I made up and I can make whatever you want for dinner, just name it."

Fea and Kyo both looked at each other, thinking.

"We'll get back to you on food. Drinks sound amazing, though. I'd rather be tipsy now than when we leave."

Kaoru came back into the room and crawled up onto the bed behind Fea, hugging him around the waist, laying against the long, lean body.

"I want to take photos of you, by the way."

Fea laughed a little, nodding.

"Both you and Kyo together, too. So you'll have some of you two. I really want photos of your tattoos, though."

Fea just nodded again, fine with that. Kyo tried to hide how excited the idea of having photos, especially taken by Kaoru, of he and his lover together. Die rolled over onto his back and peered up at Kyo, liking having arms around him.

"Mmm... give me a little sugar."

He didn't say it to anyone in particular, really just wanting to be loved on for a minute before he got up to make drinks. Three mouths descended on him, kissing hair and cheek and chin, making little noises and then laughing at each other for all doing the same thing. Kaoru kissed Die's mouth, purring.

"Good?"

Die let out a little laugh, licking his lips a bit and then nodding.

"Good."

He kissed each of their noses and then slid out of bed despite not really wanting to move yet, padding off to the bathroom himself. Kyo and Fea moved in around Kaoru while Die went off to the bathroom, loving on him a little. Neither of them had dared to speak openly about it, but they couldn't imagine what it was like for Die, knowing how much pain Kaoru was in, both physically and emotionally. They could both feel it, and it prompted the current cuddle session, Kyo nuzzling against Kaoru's back, Fea rubbing over the other's scalp with a frown.

Die went about his morning business and then slipped back in, grabbing some clothing and then slipping back out, changing in the bathroom into his red skinny jeans and his black tank top, adjusting his packer and then washing up his face and hands before brushing his hair. Going back out, he went to the kitchen and made up three of his _Fucking Rockstar_ drinks and then one glass of cranberry juice for Kaoru. Coming back into the room with them, he handed over Kaoru's first and then carefully handed out the other two before settling down on the edge of the bed.

"I've dubbed it the fucking rockstar, bitch!"

All of them sat up, taking their drinks, Fea looking pleased.

"Aaaah, yes. Breakfast of champions."

Kyo muttered "fucking Ruske" under his breath with a smirk and took a sip. Both of them looked interested at the taste, giving approving nods while Kaoru just sipped his juice, getting up after a minute and finding his bowl, still half-packed from the night before, and sat in the chair by the dresser to smoke it. Fea's eyes lit up at the pipe and Kaoru didn't miss it. He smirked and got up, repacking the bowl and offering it towards him.

"You want?"

Fea frowned.

"But you need it! It's medical!"

Kaoru just laughed and offered it towards him more emphatically. Kyo gave a weary eye, but said nothing, having gotten used to the pot smoking being on tour in the States. He knew it didn't do much to Fea but make him adorably giggly and mellow. Taking a big hit, Fea nodded his thanks before handing it back, Kaoru settling on the bed next to him again so they could pass it. Die eyeballed the bowl for a moment and then just went back todrinking his drink, consuming almost half of it before he stopped, pausing finally. He let out a half laugh at the protest.

"He doesn't get it medically, trust me."

Running a hand over his eyes, he finished off his drink and then got up again, tottering off toward the kitchen to get another one. Kaoru stuck his tongue out playfully, passing the bowl back and forth with Fea a bit. When Die left to get another drink, the others had hardly begun to even get into theirs. A feeling worming its way into his brain, Kyo got up, following Die into the kitchen. Die moved to the counter, pulling the vodka down and pouring over half his glass with it before adding in the Rockstar energy drink. He put the lid back on the vodka and stirred his drink once with a spoon before slamming back a good half, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Kyo hopped up into a barstool and watched Die, the corners of his mouths turning down more and more. Mentally, he told Fea to keep Kaoru distracted, getting back down from the stool and going over to the sink, pouring his own drink down the drain.

"Die, what the fuck are you doing?"

Die looked a little startled, but then just smiled at Kyo and showed him his drink.

"Just making another one."

He frowned slightly when Kyo poured his own out.

"Did you not like it?" he asked softly.

Kyo's jaw tensed and he reached forward, taking the drink in Die's hand from him and putting it on the counter by the sink.

"Why in the fuck are you chugging booze?"

Die looked at him, confusion written in his eyes.

"I... I just wanted a drink."

Kyo blinked back the tears in his eyes, standing up straight, despite the fact that he was still so petite, especially next to Die.

"What you poured me and Fea was a drink. That," he pointed to the glass, "is a fucking paint thinner. You slammed the first one and now you're sucking down this one. What the _fuck_ , Die?"

He tried so hard to keep the hurt and worry from his voice, knowing how Die internalized things like this, always taking the blame and loading tons of guilt onto himself, but as soon as he had picked up that feeling from his friend, the closest person to him, other than Fea, it had made his blood turn to ice.

Die stared at him in what could only be described as shocked horror. He stared at the drink on the counter and then back at Kyo, then back at the drink. His lower lip trembled a little, his hand shaking as he reached one hand up to his mouth and put it over it, realization starting to settle in.

"I... I..." tears formed in his eyes and started to spill over, "... oh god."

As though Die's tears had cued his own, Kyo felt hot drops streak down his face as he quickly pressed himself against Die, hugging onto his tightly.

"Don't fucking slip on me, Die. I don't know if I could handle that."

Die's entire body seemed wracked with the soft sobs that came forth from him. Clinging to Kyo, he sank to the floor, almost hyperventilating as he rocked back and forth a little.

"I... I didn't... oh god," he choked out.

Kyo pet his hair, hugging onto him, kneeling beside him, trying desperately to help keep him calm.

"Don't... it's OK. Please, Die..."

Die pretty much just clung to Kyo, sobbing into his shoulder until hecouldn't anymore, still shaking a bit even after he had run dry.

Sniffling, he whispered out, "I didn't realize what I was doing...."

Kyo tugged Die's hair a little in a fond gesture, hugging him close.

"I know you didn't. If you did, you know I'd have kicked your ass up and down the block."

Die wiped at his face a little and then whispered, "Can... can we talk in the spare room for a few minutes?"

Kyo nodded, getting up and helping haul Die to his feet, going into the room and curling up with his back against the wall, patting the futon beside him.

Die came in behind him, closing the door before he curled up next to Kyo and pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them.

"I don't even know where to start... I mean... until you pointed it out, I didn't really even think anything about it. But I think... I think I've become an alcoholic."

His voice was almost heartbreaking, cracking on every other word, his eyes filled with sadness. Kyo shushed him softly, running his fingers through Die's hair.

"Maybe so, Die. If I had just had as much as you drank in the last five minutes, I'd hardly be able to stand."

Not that Kyo had the best tolerance, but that was beside the point.

"...so what are you feeling right now?"

His own hurt had shut his mind off, he couldn't find Die past the confusion inside of his own head. He needed to hear it from Die, anyway, had to have the other think it out for himself. He knew well it wasn't even affecting him yet. He hadn't had enough to even scratch the surface of his tolerance. Wincing a little, he chewed on his lower lip and then sighed.

"I feel confused. Like I'm not sure how I let myself get here."

Kyo frowned, sighing heavily.

"Die... I... I know in the past, you drank around me because you were upset. Or felt awkward. You've drank to fall asleep before. I should have caught you then, but that's a pretty steep accusation. I know Kaoru doesn't notice; he's naive like that, he thinks you're perfect and he gets to be the fuck up. But it doesn't matter how you got here, really. What matters is what you're going to do about it now."

Die wiped his tears away and then just shook his head a little.

"I don't know what to do... I can't quit my job. I'll be around alcohol where customers expect me to drink with them at least three nights a week. I can get rid of it here, but I don't know what to do there."

He let out a choked sob.

"I have to have that job to help pay the bills."

He covered his mouth with his hand and then whispered through a new flood of tears.

"We're so close to losing this place... and Kaoru doesn't even know."

Kyo felt his heart breaking, shaking in silent tears, trying desperate to comfort Die. He didn't know what to say, no idea what to do. Die moved closer to Kyo, reaching out and then burrowing himself against Kyo's body and just staying there, shaking for a while until he finally got himself under a little bit of control.

Swallowing a bit, he whispered quietly, "I just... god... Kyo, I never should have quit my old job should I?"

Kyo huffed.

"You'd be fucking miserable at your old job, Die. It probably would have led to the same thing, eventually."

Sighing, he kissed Die's hair.

"...what makes you unhappy?"

Die's face fell even more and he whispered, "I... well... Kaoru's sick, we can't quite meet the bills on my salary alone, I just... I'm sexually frustrated, I don't know what to do and I feel like I can't do anything right anymore."

He sighed.

"That's just the start of it."

Kyo curled up with Die more, holding him.

"Keep going... you have to know what you're trying to cover up before you can start to fix it, right?"

Die slid his arms around Kyo and started listing off things, even the little ones that didn't quite make sense. And by the time he was done, he actually already felt better than the alcohol had allowed him to in all this time. Kyo just listened, stroking Die's back, crying a little and encouraging him on. When Die finally quieted, the blond pressed a kiss to his brow. He felt the relief lighten through Die, sparking a similar sensation in himself.

"I'll help you with the money. Obviously you can't just quit your job without explaining things to Kaoru, that's for you to work out, but... if it comes down to rent or food or medical bills... fucking call me. I would never ever not help you out."

Die wiped at his eyes again as tears sprung into them.

"I don't want to have to depend on you or anyone else for money, Kyo. But... thank you... if I absolutely have to, I will though. But it'll be borrowed."

"Oh fuck that, whatever..."

He kissed Die's hair again.

"How behind are you on bills?"

Die gave him a look that clearly said he was behind enough that he wasn't impressed having to talk about it. Getting up, he went to get his bill roster, bring it back and handing it over to Kyo. It showed that he was a month behind in almost everything except the rent and Kaoru's cell phone plan. Kyo frowned, looking it over.

"How have you kept this from him? He used to be the one in charge of all the expenses, wasn't he? Don't you guys have a joint account?"

Die looked ashamed.

"I... well, since he's been sick, I took everything over. And I didn't tell him, but the insurance is only paying a portion of his medical bills. Those are most important, so I pay those first, mostly with my tips. Then the things he'd notice. The house, food, and his cell phone."

Kyo brow furrowed and he frowned.

"Die..."

He didn't know what to say, or more, how to say it in a way that wouldn't hurt his friend any more than he already was. Shutting up, he dug around in his bag, finding his emergency cash and handing it over.

"It's only five hundred right now, but I'll wire you more soon, OK?"

Die stared at the money for a long moment before he finally reached out and took it.

"I'm so sorry I'm so fucked up," he whispered. "I don't know where I went wrong, I really don't. You're supposed to be relaxing and I'm just being a big old stress."

Kyo glared a little.

"Don't. Believe it or not, I crave this. This…what normal life is like. And I'd be more stressed knowing all this if I _couldn't_ help."

He stood and rubbed a hand down Die's arm.

"...you have to tell him, eventually, Die. Especially if you leave your job, you have to be honest with Kaoru."

Die tucked the money away in the bill roster and decided on paying the bills tomorrow after he'd deposited the money. At least he could get caught up to one month behind on gas and electric and water and even his own cell phone, which was only days away from being turned off. He leaned toward Kyo, catching him around the waist and pulling him over, hugging him tight, his face buried against his stomach.

"I know... I just... please... for now, I just want to try to get better first. He doesn't need that stress right now, not while he's fighting this."

He squeezed Kyo for a moment and then pulled back, peering up at him.

"Can you and Fea take the alcohol that's not opened? I don't want to throw it away. It'd be a waste."

Kyo sighed, nodding. Booze went fast on a tour bus; at least it would go to good use. "I'll try to be sneaky about it; maybe he and I will leave after Kaoru goes to sleep."

Die sniffed a bit and hugged him a bit again before straightening up and murmuring, "I... please try to keep on me about this? I don't want to slip up and not realize it again."

Kyo sighed, nodding.

"I will, but who you should really be looking for to trust and have support you is Kaoru. He's going to be your husband one day," he masked the wince at the fact that he still wasn't sure how true that was. "You might as well start with that whole totally open and honest thing now."

Die looked for all the world like he was going to cry again.

"But the doctor told me that if I stressed him out, it could hurt his recovery and maybe even make it impossible. I won't be the reason he dies, Kyo... I can't be."

Biting his lip, Kyo shook his head.

"Fine... just... think about it, OK? Because if he lives and finds out you've been lying to him for months... well."

He shrugged, letting the statement trail off. Die lowered his head a little and pressed both of his palms to his eyes, his shoulders slumped and his hair dangling around his face. He honestly didn't know what to do. Pretty much, he had the choice of stressing Kaoru out and possibly killing him because he did or maybe losing him afterward because he didn't tell him what was going on. Out of the two, it really only seemed like he had one choice. There was no way he was going to risk killing him, even if it meant losing him and being completely heartbroken. Kyo wrapped his arms around Die.

"He's a lot stronger than you think, and he loves you more than anything. He'd be heartbroken if he found out you were keeping something from him, he'd think you didn't trust him. But, I can't make you. And I won’t tell him, alright?"

Die held him for a few minutes before whispering, "I... can you know if he'll be okay if I tell him?" he peered up at him, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

Kyo pursed his lips.

"I'm not a magic button, Die. All I know is that he loves you, and he, I think... I'm pretty sure he thinks he won’t make it. He's trying to figure out how to make the best of what he has. And as far as he's concerned, you're a big part of that best."

At that the tears came out again and Die just nodded a little, trying hard to think toward Kyo that he didn't think he just had all the answers, he was just hoping that maybe he did in this case. Pushing his face against his hands again, he quietly cried into them and then whispered out, "Send him in here... please."

Kyo almost asked if Die was sure he wanted to do this now, but he nodded and left, going to the bedroom and finding Fea and Kaoru talking, Fea much more loopy than Kaoru, who was used to the effects of the drug by now and functioned much better on it than he did with the pain it helped alleviate. He gave Kyo a funny look when he was told to go into the spare room to speak with Die, but he went, padding into the room and leaning in the door frame in his pajamas, frowning to find Die obviously upset.

"Baby?"

Die tried to calm himself a little bit before Kaoru came in. He looked up at him and then motioned him in.

"Please... sit down," he choked out.

Kaoru frowned deeper, going to his office chair and settling into it, pulling up Die's and tugging his lover's wrist to get him to sit down as well.

"Honey... what's wrong?"

Kaoru was terrified, feeling his heart beat around like a bird in a cage for a while, waiting to hear what Die had to say.

Die moved over to him, settling down and then scooting over close, taking Kaoru's hands. Taking a deep trembling breath, he finally breathed out, "I think I'm an alcoholic."

When the words came out, strangely enough, an odd calm came over Kaoru. He sighed and squeezed Die's hands. Rolling the information around in his head a little, he moved forward a little more, playing with the ring he had put on Die's finger.

"How bad has it gotten?"

Die closed his eyes, swallowing hard.

"Bad. I've downed almost a full glass of vodka and I don't even really feel buzzed."

He frowned deeply and shifted uncomfortably.

"I know I need to stop and I can at home. But I can't at work. The customers expect it and if not they get insulted."

Kaoru worried at his lip, still holding onto Die's hands.

"Well, I mean... everyone is different. Some people get to an edge and can back off into moderation. Me, I was a full-blown addict... I can't really tell you to quit, though, because I know it doesn't work like that."

He sat up a little and then leaned to give Die a short kiss.

"I'm sorry... I love you."

He didn't really know what else to say just then. Die's lower lip trembled a little and he closed his eyes, a few more tears tracking down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I didn't even realize it."

He didn't say that Kyo had had to point it out, didn't want to have to say that right then. Kaoru brought a hand up to brush away the tears, stroking Die's cheek with his thumb.

"It's a slow process, Die... but I know you can do this. I know how strong you are."

He smiled, leaning forward to wrap his arms around Die.

"Everything will be OK, baby."

Die shifted closer to him, burrowing into his arms for the time being, one hand stroking the back of Kaoru's neck. Pulling back from him a little, he stared at him and then murmured, "I know what I want your tattoo to be."

Getting up, he moved to his desk and started frantically drawing out a rough sketch. He'd fill it in later, do the details, but he had to get out the rough part now while he could. He quickly drew out a series of spirals and then a network of vines lacing them together, labeling some as purple and some as red, the spirals designated as black and having a very tribal sort of feel. From the center of it all, he shaded in a heart that was fainter than the rest and faceted like a diamond. Picking up the paper, he showed it to Kaoru.

"The back of your neck."

Kaoru blinked at his sudden dive into inspiration, scooting his chair up beside him and watching. He smiled a little, giving a nod. He would agree to anything Die threw at him. "I'll call around to some of the artists I know, find one you like doing your design."

He gave a little smile and then leaned over to peck Kaoru's lips gently. Getting up, he tucked the paper under the edge of the stapler on the desk for safe keeping and then offered a hand to Kaoru.

"I need to wash up a bit," he murmured, sounding a bit stuffed up from the crying.

Kaoru nodded, taking Die's hand and getting up.

"I need to actually shower and stuff. Want to join me?"

Die nodded slightly, mentally telling Kyo and Fea they'd be a little bit and then thanking them for putting up with him. He slid his arm around Kaoru's waist, leading him off into the bathroom, Mako trotting in after them and plopping down on the rug with a large doggy-sigh. Kaoru chuckled, leaning to rub his little head.

"We should take him on a walk. I actually would really love to go off the path at the river walk and shoot Fea in natural light. He reminds me of some sort of woodland creature, anyway."

Die let out a quiet laugh and then nodded.

"I think we can do that, we just need to take it slow is all."

He turned on the shower and then took his clothing back off again, making sure his packer was in a drawer instead of just on his clothing, not wanting another incident with Mako and his dick. Kaoru stripped down, as well; he was losing hair everywhere, which made him look somehow paler. Tucking his arms around Die in a brief hug, he kissed his shoulder.

"Good. I'll be OK. I feel pretty good, considering. I just want things to be normal for us, yeah? Whatever happens just... make it through together."

He gave him a little smile and then turned to the sink, brushing his teeth. Die gave him another little smile and then shifted to get something from under the sink. It was a bottle of soothing pear lotion. He put it on the counter and gestured at it.

"I'm putting lotion on you after, just because I want to."

He flashed him a smile and then slipped into the shower, quickly washing his hair before Kaoru got in. Kaoru blushed and nodded, finishing with brushing his teeth and getting in. He looked at Die washing his hair and realized he didn't have to do that anymore. It felt odd. Blinking, he took just a dab of shampoo and washed his scalp, anyway, rubbing it. Die was just rinsing out his hair when Kaoru got in and he couldn't help but feel bad he hadn't been fast enough to not make Kaoru see him washing up like that. Biting his lip a little, he finished up and then soaped up a loofah for Kaoru, then one for himself.

Kaoru took the loofah and leaned to kiss Die's shoulder again, smiling up at him. He started to wash himself, frowning at the bruises and more of his body hair just coming out. He was slowly shedding down to bareness; even his eyebrows were becoming thin. The last MRI that had been done the week before showed that he was healed from the biopsy quite well and that the tumor had not seemed to grow, but it was still unclear if the chemo was really "working". He hoped it would do so quickly.

Die focused on cleaning off, not really having needed the full shower, but wanting to do so since he didn't want Kaoru alone in the bathroom anymore after that single incident months ago. He finished up relatively quickly and then grabbed his razor, not really thinking, just automatically shaving under his arms and then carefully trimming the hair down below. Kaoru snickered a little, always thinking it cute that Die shaved under his arms. He nudged his lover out of the way a little so that he could rinse himself off, getting out and wrapping up in a towel, sitting on the closed toilet lid and petting Makoto's head while he waited for Die to finish.

Die made the effort to finish up quickly, getting out once he was sure he was devoid of loose hairs. Turning off the shower, he grabbed his black towel since he'd left the red one elsewhere last night and dried off quickly before spreading the towel on the floor and grabbing the lotion, moving to kneel in front of Kaoru. Squirting out some lotion, he started to work on putting it over him, starting on his arms. Kaoru gave his arm over, biting his lip with a little smile. The ink of his tattoos was darker and more colorful when his skin was well moisturized and he appreciated Die's touch too much to ever refuse something like this. Finishing up the first arm, Die moved across Kaoru's torso and then down to his other arm, a look of relaxation on his face. Kaoru took a big breath through his nose, purring it back out.

"Mm, it smells really good."

Die nodded.

"I thought it'd smell nice on you."

He smiled up at him and then looked back down at what he was doing, quietly shifting to do Kaoru's hips and then down his thighs, doing a light massage as he did, though very gently. Kaoru scoot forward a little, feeling delightfully pampered.

"Love you," he muttered out quietly.

"I love you, too, baby."

He rubbed his hands down over the rest of his legs and then feet. Then he motioned for him to get up.

"Still lacking a few places," he explained.

Kaoru got up and turned around, setting his towel on the toilet lid.

"I'll put some Neosporin on your back, too. Kyo got you pretty good last night."

Die quickly started on his back and then down over his ass and the back of his thighs. At the comment, he flushed a little and bit his lower lip.

After a moment, he murmured out, "Yeah, he did. How'd you know it was him?"

Kaoru sort of chuckled.

"Fea bites his fingernails; they're too blunt to do that."

"I guess we were all a bit wound up," he let out before finishing off by doing the back of Kaoru's neck and then down his shoulders again, massaging them lightly before he patted his back and then quickly applied a bit of lotion to his own thighs, arms and across the faint pink scars on his chest.

Kaoru dug around for the Neosporin, finding it and rubbing it over the scratches on Die's back. He wasn't jealous about the event, but he sure as hell wasn't letting someone else's claw marks scar on his lover.

Die leaned into the touch of Kaoru's fingers, humming softly and looking pleased.

"I'm surprised you noticed, honestly. I didn't think it was that bad."

Kaoru scoffed, turning Die so that he could see it in the mirror. At least five of the eight marks were fairly well scabbed.

"He got you _good_ , honey."

Die looked a bit shocked.

"Damn!"

Laughing, he shook his head and then shifted a little bit this way and that.

"He might well owe me for that touch up, that's for sure."

"No shit." He rubbed Die's back some more and then kissed his shoulder blade.

"You might get lucky. I've scratched myself up pretty bad before and the ink was deep enough not to really mess with the tattoo."

"Maybe so. I hope maybe it'll be that way so I don't have to ask him for money to touch it up."

He turned to examine it again and then tilted his head a little.

"Or maybe it'll give it character if it doesn't heal right, who knows."

Kaoru shrugged, opening the bathroom door and watching Makoto go skittering out across the hardwood, overheated in the steamy bathroom. Not caring that he was naked, he went into the bedroom where Fea and Kyo were cuddling and talking quietly, smiling and making little cat calls at Kaoru as he went about getting dressed. Die got himself redressed and made sure his packer was in. Coming back out, he shoved his damp hair behind his ear and then came into the bedroom as well, looking far better than he had earlier. Sitting down next to them, he patted Kyo's thigh and then looked at both of them.

"I'm sorry for all my drama. I promise I'll be better, okay?"

Kyo rubbed Die's arm, shaking his head.

"It's alright. Nobody expects anyone to be perfect all the time."

Fea sat up and leaned over to kiss Die's cheek before getting up and stretching his long body, hands touching the ceiling.

"Are we going to take photos now?" he asked Kaoru, who nodded, pointing at both of them.

"Go get dressed and fixed up for whatever. I want to take you guys down to the river walk. There's an old mill that should be secluded enough and I love the vines on the stone work."

Die smiled at them both and licked his lips a little, squeezing Kyo's thigh a bit.

"I'll take my camera, too, and we'll see what I can do. Which will be nothing like Kaoru, but maybe I can get some candid, cute shots or something."

Kyo smiled and he and Fea both went off to change into the clothes they had brought, both of them dressed down in comfortable pairs of snug-fit jeans and dark t-shirts. Fea brushed out his hair and put it up in a chopstick, Kyo just making sure his wasn't crazy and sticking up anywhere. Both grabbing pairs of boots, they went and sat on the porch to pull them on, waiting on Die and Kaoru. Die wandered out after them, plunking down his dark red docs and then settling down. Tugging them on, he laced them up and then stood up, going to get Makoto's leash, calling him over and then attaching the leash. Makoto was stretched out on his back in the living room, just looking at Die, unamused. After a moment, he finally flopped over and got up, going into the kitchen and sitting at Die's feet to have the leash put on. Kaoru laughed, camera around his neck and flip-flops in hand.

"He's being so prissy today!"

"Indeed, he is."

He rubbed between his ears and then stood up once he had him on the leash. Clicking his tongue, he wandered off toward the gate, humming softly. Kaoru grabbed Die's camera and his phone and keys, locking the door and taking Fea's offered arm as they head down to the street and towards the park. Die glanced back at Kaoru and then smiled, noticing he had his camera.

"Thanks for remembering my camera!"

Kaoru just nodded with a little smile, putting it around Die's neck. Kyo took the leash from Die, wanting to walk Makoto, getting the dog excited with some high-pitched encouragement and then taking off down the street, Makoto galloping along with him. Die chuckled at Kyo racing off with the dog, thinking to himself how adorable it was. Smiling happily, he took off the lens cap and turned the camera on, flipping it over to sports mode and then snapping photos of Kyo and Mako. Kaoru laughed, as well, Fea just shaking his head at his lover. They stopped at the corner and then turned around, Mako still fidgeting around, excited. Kyo turned and then ran back, Makoto pulling ahead of him, tongue lolled out. Die paused, snapping a few more from the front, a huge grin on his face as he knelt down to get on Mako's level to take a few. Standing back up before they got to him, he still couldn't look anything but happy right then.

Fea and Kaoru were holding hands behind them, shaking their heads with smiles. Fea had taken to Kaoru quite a lot this trip; his mother had lost a long battle with cancer and thought they weren't close, he understood what Die was going through, and to some extent, Kaoru, as well. Kyo cocked a brow at them and went to claim Fea's other side, Makoto instantly starting to trip them all up with the leash. Die paused to take a photo of all three of them and then held out his hand to offer to take the leash since Mako was tripping them up with it. Kyo shook his head, letting go of Fea and walking ahead, Makoto acting much more polite once it was just the two of them walking by themselves. Kaoru and Fea got ahead of him at the corner and Kaoru led the way to the park, going down the hill past the gate and onto the paved path through the woods along the river's edge. Die just shrugged a little and let it be. He swallowed a bit and then continued on, an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't quite identify. Kyo had to tug at Makoto a bit to get him to stop smelling things. It had been a while since Kaoru and Die had been able to walk him in the park and it was hard to keep him leash-trained with other, bigger things going on in life. After a while, Kaoru found a bench and sat down, facing the river.

"I just need a minute."

Fea nodded and climbed down the river bank to the sandy edge, Kyo following after him to let Makoto play a little bit in the water. Die sat down next to his lover, not wanting to make him feel left out or alone, just settling down and waiting on him, licking his lips a bit. Kaoru reached over and squeezed Die's hand, lacing their fingers. He laid his head on Die's shoulder and watching Kyo and Fea play with Makoto, splashing each other and Fea finally picking Kyo up, scooping him up and tossing him over his shoulder, and threatening to dump him in the river.

Kyo was laughing and beating at his back, shouting at him "Felix! I swear to god, don't you fucking dare!"

Die's eyebrow arched and he mumbled, "Felix? Wow, I wouldn't have suspected."

Kaoru laughed at them, Fea finally putting Kyo down.

"I wouldn't have, either. I'm going to have to remember to tease the shit out of him about it."

Die laughed softly and then shook his head.

"Yeah, well... Tooru...Felix, I guess it fits that both are sort of not all that connected to the stage name."

Kaoru shrugged.

"Well, Fea is obviously short for Felix." He laughed. "Felix is still pretty fucking hilarious, though..."

Hearing this as he climbed back up the bank, Fea frowned.

"I went to British boarding school; you honestly think I'd have a not horribly normal name?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Felix Sasha White. Even my dad calls me Sasha, instead."

Die blinked.

"I'll stick to Fea, thanks."

He laughed and shook his head. "Not that I can talk."

He stood up and stretched a bit, pushing his still damp hair back behind his ears. Kaoru scoffed.

"You hardly changed your name at all!" he teased, getting up, ready to continue down the path.

"I don't ever get people understanding what it's short for when I've written it out. They're like," he changed his voice to an annoying pitch, "why would someone name their child something like _death_ , that's just _wrong_!"

All of them laughed a little, Kaoru slipping his arm into Die's elbow, Kyo running ahead with Makoto to let him work out all his little puppy energy. Die started along with Kaoru on his arm, just looking around.

"So where exactly are we going?"

"The old mill is off in the woods a ways down from here. The stones are still there and it's really pretty and," he leaned in, "it's off the path enough that I can ask Fea to do some nudes for me."

From behind them a bit, texting his daughter, Fea shouted "Heard that!"

Die snickered and couldn't hide his grin.

"Yeah, well, I have to say, I can't object to that!"

Fea jogged up to them, putting an arm around them both.

"You said you wanted photos of my tattoos and, I'm more or less covered in them. Besides, my leg right now is my favorite. I figured you'd want me naked."

Die peered back at him.

"Do I have to guarantee that I'll behave? Because I can't promise not to stare."

Fea laughed, shaking his head.

"Naw, you can stare."

Rolling his eyes fondly at both of them, Kaoru went off the path and through the woods, following what may or may not having actually been a trail. Kyo noticed them not following anymore and hurried to catch up. After several minutes of walking into the woods, they came upon a creek and what was left of the foundation of an old mill. Immediately, Fea started to strip, taking his shirt off and handing it over to Kyo. Kaoru laughed and pointed at a low wall.

"I'll do some portraits first so you don't have to be naked the whole time. Sit?"

Die paused a bit to wait on Kyo, making sure not to leave him behind. Once the arrived at the old mill, Die started wandering around taking random photos and then gestured Kyo over to a tree that had a split down the center making it into something of a seat.

"Come sit?" he asked.

Kyo chuckled softly at how Die mirrored Kaoru without even realizing it, settling down on the tree, watching Kaoru photography Fea, not missing how the green and gold light filtering through the trees brought out how dark his lover's hair was, how pale and smooth his skin was, how green his eyes were. He shivered a little and turned his attention back to Die. Die took a few shots of Kyo while he wasn't paying any attention to him and then one while he was looking at him, coming over and leaning against the tree.

"So... did you guys ever get the chance to watch the video we made for you?"

"Oh," Kyo laughed, drawing one knee up to his chest. "That..." He shook his head, remembering. "Yeah, we did. Fea thought it was extra hot."

He grinned and then looked Die over.

"I thought it was pretty hot, too."

Die blushed a bit, wondering exactly what Kyo was thinking. He supposed it was possible it had been a bit awkward for them as to what had happened. It wasn't exactly a normal fuck that had occurred on the video and Die was well aware of it. He chewed his lip for a moment, debating asking if Kyo thought him a freak, but he just kept the question inside, too scared to actually know the answer.

"We just thought we'd return the favor," he murmured, "only fair."

Kyo laughed, leaning into Die's side.

"Sure, sure. You know you're an exhibitionist."

Die blushed a bit more and then nodded.

"Yeah... well... we knew that."

He ran his foot along the tree's root and then stepped up on it, staying there, one hand on the tree to steady himself.

"I... um..." he just shook his head and trailed off, his mind a bit muddled right then.

Kyo tilted his head.

"You um?"

He still felt clogged up from earlier, not able to read Die so well. Die just shook his head.

"I have no idea. I lost my train of thought."

He made a little face and then just rested against the tree. His eyes flicked around, glancing at Kaoru and Fea. A moment later, he just closed his eyes again and huffed out a little sigh.

"I'm just going to say sorry and leave it at that. It's for a lot of things."

Kyo leaned over and squeezed Die's hand, sitting with him in comforting silence. Die didn't have to apologize to him, for whatever he thought he'd done or would do wrong.

Getting comfortable with Die, Kyo watched as Fea helped Kaoru up on top of a stone pillar and then stripped down bare, climbing up on top of another pillar, turning sideways and pulling down his hair, brushing it over one shoulder and cupping himself with his hand modestly. He brought the other arm up and crooked it at the elbow over his head, the knee of his fully tattooed leg bent, his weight on his right leg, looking off away from the camera. On his left side, he was one long line of color from wrist to ankle, looking like some kind of beautifully graffitied Renaissance sculpture.

Die just made a tiny little noise at Kyo's squeeze of his hand. He kept his eyes closed though, knowing well that if he opened them when Fea was naked, he'd have a hernia... or rather very wet underpants. He shifted a little bit against the tree again and then began to chew on his lower lip, trying hard to think of only appropriate things. The feel of the slight breeze, the sounds around them – anything but naked men. Kyo couldn't take his eyes off his lover, reminding himself over and over that he was one lucky son of a bitch for being a man that was so gorgeous. Nudging Die, he more or less announced so.

"Fuck, he's beautiful..." he breathed out, still staring.

Die made sure to turn his head over to peer at Kyo before he opened only one eye. He gave him a little smile.

"There are three very gorgeous men here right now," he informed before he closed his eye again.

Kyo sighed at him, hugging him around the waist.

"Four, buddy."

He wanted to make a comment about Die purposefully not looking, but he let it slide, watching as Kaoru took several more photos of Fea nude, putting him in the middle of some greenery, Fea looking wild and big-eyed, playing up his naturally Pict-like appearance. Die sort of leaned back against Kyo, feeling stupid for wanting so desperately to be touched all the time. He felt like a teenager and in a way, it was sort of nerve-wracking. After torturing himself for a long time, he finally opened his eyes and glanced up quickly to see what was going on, then back down at the ground, feeling foolish. Kyo rubbed his back.

"It's alright to look, Die. It's not like Kaoru isn't going to show you the photos, anyway."

He smirked and then watched Kaoru tell Fea he was done, Fea pulling back on his jeans and Kaoru waving Kyo over. Die's face heated up a little and he peered up at the scene in just enough time to see Fea pull his jeans back on. He let out a little groan at his stupidity and then sighed. That sort of figured that he'd be dumb long enough to not see anything except a tiny glimpse.

Kyo headed over and listened to Kaoru direct them, Fea sitting with his legs out in front of him on the ground, back against the stone wall, Kyo straddling his lap. It took a little bit for them to loosen up, trying to act natural like Kaoru had told him to, just talking and brushing hair back at first before Kyo leaned in to kiss Fea, soft and slow, barely brushing his lips over the other's. Die took Kyo's old seat and took hold of Mako's leash, watching the dog pace back and forth, sniffing at the weeds growing against the

tree. Sitting down, Mako let out a little tiny bark and then sniffed at the air instead.

Die rolled his eyes and murmured, "Hush, Mako."

Kaoru looked over his shoulder at Makoto and Die, smiling before going back to snapping photos of Fea and Kyo as the couple became more candid, Fea's arms squeezing around Kyo and pulling him close. It was romantic and a bit sensual and Kaoru felt rather special that they trusted him to document a relationship that would destroy Kyo's career, knowing he wouldn't spread the photos. Die finally allowed himself to peer over at them, his eyes a little sad. After a few moments though, he relaxed and took a few photos of Kaoru taking photos, just for good measure and then one of Kyo and Fea before turning off his camera and paying attention to why Mako was straining on the end of his leash. He was trying to get to a lizard and Die tugged him back.

"Leave the poor lizard alone, Mako."

Satisfied, Kaoru stood up and brushed himself off, thanking both of them. Pulling apart, the couple got up and Kaoru turned his camera off, as well, whistling to get Makoto's attention.

"You can let him off the leash, baby."

He patted his knees, the dog looking confused, wanting to run towards Kaoru, but stuck. Die glanced at the lizard and then at Mako. Getting up, he moved so he could actually intercept if the dog went for the lizard and then took him off his leash. Kaoru patted his leg again and Makoto went over to him, Kaoru grunting as he picked him up, loving on him.

"Oh, gah, you're getting fat!" he complained jokingly, laughing at Makoto wriggling around in his arms, trying to lick his face.

Die, on the other hand, moved toward the lizard, going and squatting down next to it, very carefully putting his hand out and then nudging it with one finger. The lizard took a few hesitant steps before starting to walk up onto his finger, doing it very, very slowly.

Kyo walked over to Die while Fea got redressed, leaning over and looking at the lizard.

"Ooooh."

Die slowly lifted his hand and let the lizard come to rest on his forearm, the little creature turning his head from side-to-side, probably trying to decide where he was or what was going on.

"I've always wanted to keep a lizard, but Mako would eat the poor thing."

Kyo nodded, pulling out his phone and taking a picture of the lizard, sending it to the email that posted his messages as blogs on his official website. He captioned it with:

_American wildlife. Off the beaten path from tour today. Lives again tomorrow; be ready._

Die smiled at the photo, the little creature looking up oddly at the phone, staying still other than that though. A moment after the photo, it flicked out a tiny little tongue and then started crawling very slowly up Die's arm. Kaoru noticed and handed Mako over to Fea, who carried the dog off to sit down with him and pet him senseless. Turning his camera back on, Kaoru knelt down carefully next to his lover and snapped some shots of the lizard on his arm, smirking.

"I love how animals are drawn to you."

Die peered at Kaoru and just gave a shrug with the other arm.

"It's been that way all my life."

He watched it come all the way up to his shoulder and then pause there, just looking around, like it thought it was on a tree or something. Kaoru smiled brightly, moving carefully so as not to scare it, taking several more photos. Kyo watched it with fascination, amazed at how it was acting so relaxed. Die shifted a little bit once Kaoru had taken the photos and then moved his other hand up to in front of the little guy. It crawled onto the palm of his hand and he got up, carrying it over to the mill wall, putting his hand down so it could crawl on the bricks. Only, it refused to budge, just sitting on his hand, staring at him and moving its front feet around a bit. Mako barked a little and Fea squeezed the dog to his chest tighter, shushing him. Kaoru laughed a little.

"He doesn't want to let go?"

Even when Mako barked, all the lizard did was squat closer to Die's hand, not moving at all. Die laughed softly and shook his head.

"He thinks I'm his new tree or something, I guess."

He wiggled his fingers and tipped his hand a little, but the little dude just rushed up onto

his arm and then settled again, as if he'd been avoiding falling off a rustling leaf. Kyo laughed more.

"Well, you said you wanted a lizard.

""Er... apparently it wants me."

He finally gave up trying to get it off of him and just made sure it was somewhere safe enough for him to walk around with it on him and then gave a tiny shrug.

"I guess I have a lizard now." He smiled a bit.

"You think it just eats baby crickets?"

"Hopefully Mako doesn't eat it."

Kaoru looked at the lizard and shrugged.

"We can try feeding it that, figure out what else it needs."

"I'll try keeping it up on the counter in the kitchen. He can't get up there, so as long as he doesn't get flying powers, then I think we're okay."

He glanced over at the lizard perched on his shoulder and murmured, "What exactly is your name, little buddy?"

Kaoru hooked an arm around Die, the opposite side from his lover's apparent new pet, and Kyo put Makoto back on the leash, heading back towards the path.

"Something cute. You'd better name it something cute and clever," Kyo warned in a joking tone.

"And what would you have to say if I just named it lizard?"

Kyo flipped his hair haughtily, playing it up.

"I wouldn't say anything; I'd have to stop talking to you for being so uncreative."

Die put on a mock pout and let his lower lip tremble a little.

"Y-you'd d-do that?" he let out, trying to sound upset.

Sighing again, he rolled his eyes, his lip coming up in a little sneer.

“I just... I can't be around boring people, OK?"

Fea clamped his hands over his mouth, trembling with laughter. Die whined and then peered at the little dark brown lizard.

"Your name is Chuck."

Kyo snickered, Fea bursting out with laughter even more. Kaoru shook his head and kissed Die's cheek.

"Oh honey... you're such a dork."

Die blushed a bit.

"Yeah, well... I think he's okay with it. He didn't shit on me or anything, so I think we're good."

Kaoru laughed again, hugging his lover's arm. Fea walked backwards in front of them, motioning for Kaoru's camera. Kaoru's eyes went wide.

"Oh huh-uh, nobody touches my camera but me."

Fea rolled his eyes and reached Die's.

"Come on! You two need pictures together, too."

Die offered his up.

"Trust me, I got the mega glare for moving it one day."

He glanced to make sure Chuck was still with them and smiled a bit at the little dude. Fea kept walking backwards, raising Die's camera and snapping photos of them, Kaoru keeping candid and hugging Die's arm, making sure the beanie on his head looked like maybe there was still hair underneath. Die tried to ignore the camera as well, just going about walking back toward the house, peering at the lizard every once in a while. Fea smiled and kept the camera around his neck, walking beside Kyo back out of the park. When they got to the gate, Kaoru sat down again, hugging onto Die's arm.

"Ugh... I forgot about the hills back to the house. I need a little bit to rest."

Die sat back down with him and peered at him.

"I could go get the car and then we could just go straight to pick up stuff for a meal. Would that work?"

Kaoru blushed a little, but thought about it, nodding.

"Leave me Mako?"

Die nodded and then leaned over to kiss him a little before he headed off down the path towards home, hoping the lizard wasn't annoyed by his now faster pace.

"We'll get you some stuff too, okay, Chuck?"

Fea and Kyo stayed with Kaoru, sitting with him a while and chatting, not wanting to have just left him sitting there, waiting on Die. By the time Die got to the house, he was breathing hard from walking so fast. He also found out quickly that he didn't have his keys on him. Standing there like a moron for about two minutes, he finally went around checking all the windows until he found that the one to the bathroom was unlocked. Unfortunately it was going to involve him climbing up over the bush and then falling down into the tub. Sighing, he took Chuck and put him inside, making him scoot off along the wall out of the way of harm. After a few minutes, he finally managed to end up tangled in the tub and feeling stupider than ever. Chuck, however, was hanging from the wall, staring at him with wide eyes. Of course, about then, Kaoru sent Die a text.

_I have the keys. There's a spare in the hanging basket on the porch._

Die felt his phone vibrate and pulled it open. Pulling it out, he groaned and then sighed, texting back.

_Definitely just had to crawl in the bathroom window._

Sending it, he crawled out of the tub and closed the window, picking up Chuck and then wandering off toward the front with him. After a few minutes, he found a Tupperware container and poked some holes in the lid, putting Chuck in it and then patting his head very gently with one finger.

Smiling at him, he murmured, "I'll get you a better tank while I'm out little dude."

Putting a little water in a sauce dish, he put it in with him and closed the lid. He quickly got the keys for the car and his spare key for the house, then left, rushing to get back to the others. Kaoru stood up when he saw Die with the car, realizing they had to go back to the house to put Mako in his pen. Getting in the front seat, Kyo and Fea climbing in the back, he informed Die of such with an apologetic expression.

"You didn't hurt yourself climbing in the window, did you?"

Die shook his head.

"Just my pride. And I think Chuck thought it was hilarious.”

"Aaaaaw," Kaoru offered with a pout, squeezing Die's thigh.

He waited on everyone to buckle in before he took off back toward the house to put Mako where he could potty. Getting out at the house, Kaoru put Mako in the pen and put the leash on the porch, getting back in the car. Die smiled when he got back in, rubbing at his nose and then starting

off.

"So, boys, have you decided on what to eat yet?"

Fea and Kyo looked at each other again, agreeing before Fea leaned forward between the seats.

"Italian. Definitely Italian. We'll help cook, if you want."

"What kind of Italian? Lasagna? Fettucine alfredo? And nonsense, I can do it. Just keep me entertained while we do it."

Fea thought for a moment.

"Chicken parmesan?"

Kaoru and Kyo both made approving noises at that suggestion.

"Can do."

He headed off toward the pet shop first, mentally addressing Kyo to see if maybe he could borrow like twenty bucks to pay for a tank, crickets, and a water bowl for Chuck. Kyo frowned, not opposed to helping out, but sad that Die was in such a position to need it. He let him know he'd pay for it and not to worry. Die quietly thanked him, turning into the parking lot of the pet supply store.

He glanced at Kaoru and Fea and smiled, "I'll just a minute, be real fast, in and out. Then we can do the real shopping at the grocery."

Mentally he did some fast math for the second time and came out the same again. He'd have enough left in his pocket for getting the fixings for the Chicken Parmesan.

Kyo got out as well, muttering "I'll go with you, wanna see the fish," and got out, going after Die and into the store.

"I really hate that you're down like this, Die..."

Die made a little face when Kyo spoke up, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I'll figure something out, I promise. I don't mean to be so damn broke... and I also didn't intend to end up with a lizard that wouldn't go home."

He sighed softly and glanced at Kyo.

"I feel like such a goddamn mooch right now, you have no idea. I'm paying you back when I can, that's all there is to it. I won't take no for an answer because I'm not going to be _that_ guy."

Kyo rolled his eyes.

"You're _not_ that guy; I know you aren't. And you don't have to pay me back, and you _will_ take no for an answer because I'm fucking stubborn."

He went over to the reptile section, trying to find everything Die would need. Die let out a little huff and followed him over, picking up various water bowls until he found one he thought the lizard couldn't possibly drown in, even if it was filled completely. Then he seemed to realize he was supposed to be hurrying and blushed brightly.

"Why do I get like this for pet things?"

Kyo hugged him around the waist with one arm, chuckling.

"Because you're sweet."

He grabbed a terrarium with a good light and hugged onto the box, waiting for Die to pick some food and such. Die went over and asked the attendant what he should feed the little dude, finding out he was an Anole and that he ate crickets just like he suspected. The guy gave him some tiny ones in a bag and a little plastic thing to put them in and some gel that they could eat and drink so they'd live long enough for Chuck to eat them. Kyo put the terrarium on the counter, asking Die if that was all he needed to get the little guy set up. The guy at the desk added in some substrate and a small real plant, then took the water bowl Die had and exchanged it for a drip system and a spray bottle in a single pack.

"They don't drink from bowls, they lick the tank and leaves."

Die blushed and then nodded a little.

"Okay."

The man added a free little paper for the anole and then started to ring them up. Kyo pulled out his wallet, paying, helping Die get the bags.

"Now, you'd better take good care of him," he teased in a patronly voice.

“I will, _Daddy_ ," he replied back, rolling his eyes and laughing. He picked up his portion of the bags and padded back out to the car.

"Thank you. I'm at least paying you back for his stuff. That much your stubborn ass won't win on."

Kyo rolled his eyes, waiting for the trunk to open before putting the bags in.

"Yeah, yeah... I count all my CDs and shit that you've bought to be prior payment."

Die opened the trunk, put the bags in and then face-palmed.

"Good lord."

He shook his head and then got in the car, starting it and buckling up. Kyo got into the back seat again, buckling up and reaching to hold Fea's hand, rubbing his stomach.

"I'm so starving already. Cannot wait for real food."

Die laughed softly.

"Mmmhmm... me either. I love cooking Italian though. It's actually fun."

Fea leaned forward again.

"I spent a lot of my summers as a kid in Italy, mostly in Tuscany. I can teach you some authentic seasoning if you like."

"Oh, please do! I love adding to my recipes."

He grinned and looked sort of excited in the rearview mirror. Fea gave a little laugh, nodding.

"I'll show you the tricks I remember. It's a lot about the way the food is prepared more than adding or subtracting anything people are used to using."

"Yeah, the same with anything like Asian related really. Like stir fry. It's the little things like cleaning out the pan and adding the garlic and ginger in before adding the meat."

He smiled a bit.

"Always good to have someone that knows what they're doing to tell you and show you."

Giving a smile, Fea squeezed Die's shoulders and then sat back, taking Kyo's hand again and waiting for them to arrive at the super market. Once they pulled into the parking lot, Die smiled and got out, peering at Kaoru.

"You coming this time, baby?"

Kaoru smiled, nodding. Grocery shopping was one of his domestic simple pleasures of life. Getting out, he took Die's hand, heading into the store with Fea and Kyo behind them. Immediately, he saw the looks they were getting and realized almost with a loud laugh that they certainly did look like quite the motley crew. Die peered back at them and tilted his head a little.

"What's up?"

He headed straight for a basket and then started off to get the meat first, wanting to get good-looking chicken. Fea blinked at Die, shrugging.

"You've got fresh garlic? And onion? Ooooh, and a few fresh tomatoes. Good ingredients are the biggest part of Italian food, honestly. Plain old spaghetti with marinara sauce is heaven if you make it right."

Die stared at him for a moment and then arched an eyebrow.

"You're joking, we're gonna do sauce from fresh tomatoes?"

Fea gave him a look back.

"I can't tell if you're excited or hate me. Yeah?"

"I take it back, you are officially helping. I have no idea how to do that from scratch. And I don't hate you, I'm terrified."

Fea laughed.

"We're going to do my fake-it version. Real sauce from fresh tomatoes takes a whole bloody day and I haven't got the patience for it."

Die looked a little relieved and then sort of fake collapsed on him, fanning himself.

"You had me freaking out, man."

Fea laughed, going to the produce section to grab some things, Kyo following him around and helping carry the produce back to the cart. Kaoru stuck with Die and pushed the cart. Die peered over at Kaoru.

"You doing okay, baby? You're awful quiet."

Kaoru shrugged.

"I'm fine. Just kind of tired."

He gave Die a little smile and leaned on the cart, pushing it towards the frozen food. "Should we get some tiramisu?"

"Mmm... that sounds good," he murmured before he realized he didn't have the money for it.

"But we do have french vanilla ice cream in the freezer if we want that instead."

Kaoru wrinkled his nose, going to grab a frozen tiramisu and set it in the cart, completely oblivious to how broke they were. He trusted Die to tell him if things were getting tight, he had savings for that very instance, but Die had said nothing. Picking up on what was happening, Kyo winced, discretely slipping another twenty into Die's back pocket. Die mentally thanked him about a million and one times, sort of knowing what had been slipped into his pocket without even checking. He just let it go that Kaoru put the dessert into the cart and tried not to show that he was having any kind of issue with it. Kaoru hummed, heading over to the bakery to find some bread to use, humming a little.

"Get a loaf of French bread," Die called after him.

He hung back a bit with Kyo and glanced at him.

"And I present you with why this is slowly eating me."

Kyo sighed heavily, Fea going up with Kaoru to distract him.

"I'm so, so sorry Die. I wish I could do something to really help..."

"I can get myself out of this mess, I just need the nudge in the right direction. If I can get caught up on bills, then I have enough to pay them each month. It's tight, but I can do it."

He gave him a little smile.

"Thank you for helping. I always feel like you're always pulling me out of hot water."

Kyo squeezed his arm with a little sigh.

"It's what friends are for, right?"

Die nodded a little.

"I owe you some serious shit, man. For real."

"I'll figure out how to make you repay me," he replied with a smirk, walking up behind Kaoru and giving his ass a playful smack before walking off towards the cheeses like nothing had happened, making Kaoru look around at Fea and Die, confused who had done it.

Die chuckled softly and just shook his head a little, wondering exactly what that implied from Kyo. Wandering off after him, he went about finding the right cheese for the meal. Licking a bit at his lips, he debated between several, wondering which one would work

Kaoru picked a loaf of bread and followed with Fea after them, leaning on the cart and waiting on Die to pick.

"I can't wait to see some of these shots from today. I think they turned out really amazing."

Die jumped a little and then peered back at them, holding out the cheeses.

"Which one, Fea?"

Fea looked at them, rubbing his chin, then pointed at what looked to be a firmer Parmesan.

"That one."

Die nodded, putting it in the cart and then putting back the other one.

"Anything else or are we good?" he asked quietly.

Fea thought about it a moment, looking at what they had in the cart.

"Breadcrumbs, and angel hair pasta. And that's it."

"I have the pasta at home, and does Panko work? I have a box of that, too."

Fea nodded.

"Yeah, that's fine. Then we're good."

Die pushed the cart toward the front of the store, getting in line and then unloading the contents onto the conveyor belt and waiting on the other two people in front of him. Kaoru waited, pushing the cart past Die to let Kyo and Fea bag the groceries, the girl at the register hardly able to focus, her gaze constantly going over to Fea. Die eyeballed the girl, his eyebrow arched at her behavior. He almost wanted to laugh, seeing as how he knew the feeling. Once she'd rung him up, he pulled out the cash to pay, digging out Kyo's extra $20 as well. He ended up with $0.72 cents change, and he slipped it into his

pocket with a mental note to give it back to Kyo later when Kaoru wasn't watching. He took the bags from her since she handed them over to him and then took the receipt from her as well, shaking his head at her glazed look. Ushering everyone out of the store and back to the car, he hummed softly the entire way. All of them grabbed at least one bag and helped carry everything to the car, putting it in the trunk with the other things and getting back in, buckling up. Kaoru stretched and rubbed his eyes.

"Mmmm... I hate how I always need a nap anymore. I feel so worn out, and we've hardly done anything."

Fea frowned and reached into the front seat to squeezed his hand.

"I wouldn't call venturing down to the lake and shopping, nothing."

He shrugged a little and then pulled out and starting back towards home.

"But you should nap while I start dinner. That should work out well."

Kaoru gave a little sigh and nodded.

"Maybe..."

Honestly, he was sick of napping like an old man. Die reached over and rubbed his thigh for a moment before he concentrated on driving. Once he got home, he parked and then got out, getting the bags and heading for the house, determined to see if Chuck was still doing okay and then give him his new home before starting dinner.

Kaoru, Fea, and Kyo, made sure all the groceries were in, filing into the house and putting everything on the counters, Kaoru going off to get his laptop and settling in the parlor to stay close to them, pulling up the photos from earlier to start to go through them. Die immediately rinsed out the terrarium and then started to get Chuck's new home ready, cooing at the little dude in his Tupperware container. Once he'd gotten it all set up, he moved it to under the window and then turned on the light, opening the container and letting Chuck crawl out on him.

Fea started setting out everything they would need for dinner, Kyo going to sit beside Kaoru, looking at the photos, unable to hold back the shocked sound of pleasure that escaped at the photos of Fea nude. Even having been the man's lover for nearly half a year now, Kaoru had captured a side of Fea's allure that Kyo didn't get to see highlighted in such a way. Leaning over the counter at the sound, Fea tried to see the screen.

"What, what?"

Die came over with Chuck and peered at the photo, immediately seeing why Kyo had seemed so shocked. He let out a whistle and then went back over to the new tank, showing it to Chuck from the outside and then gently plucking him up from his arm and placing him on the plant. He put in a single cricket and then sprayed the leaves a bit before closing the tank and then making the cricket cage. With all of that done, he went to throw away the trash and then wash his hands, immediately moving on to dinner.

Fea blushed, surprised to see himself captured in such a way. Kyo nudged Kaoru and told him to make sure he got emailed that one after he was done with it. Turning his attention away from them, Fea washed his hands and pulled his hair up, looking at Die.

"So, where do you want to start?"

Die pulled down a recipe book and opened it to Chicken Parmesan, smiling happily and motioning at the bread crumbs.

"How about you crush up the Panko a bit more since it's a bit too large?”

Fea made a little excited sound, getting down the breadcrumbs and finding a pan to pour them out into the bottom of, using a potato masher to crush them up smaller. From the parlor, Kyo was making little noises of awe as Kaoru showed him the photos of him and Fea together, most of them in black and white. He hugged up against Kaoru, staring at the screen, blushing. Die started washing and prepping the chicken, setting it out on a pan once he'd coated each piece if oil, humming something under his breath. Fea dug around in Die's spice rack, finding a few things and setting them out before finding a cheese grater and grating up the Parmesan.

He bumped Die with his hip and smiled at him, murmuring to him quietly, "He's lucky to have you. Both of them, really."

Die peered over at Fea and then tilted his head a little.

"How so?"

He finished up with the chicken and then started adding in a few spices with the Panko before rolling the chicken in oil. Fea gave a little shrug.

"You're sweet, and a lot stronger than you think. They both need someone like you to help them stay tethered to Earth, ya know?"

He laughed a little, keeping his voice low, Kyo and Kaoru talking on the other side of the bar, cuddling on the couch as they looked through pictures.

"I mean, I'm just as crazy as Kyo is."

Die bit his lip a little and then blushed, thinking his next statement at Fea rather than saying it out loud.

_I've become an alcoholic and you still think me strong?_

He gave him a bit of a sad look before he moved to grab one of his eco bags and began emptying the alcohol cabinet into it, making sure it was only the closed ones he put in.

The open ones, he set out and then made a mental note to try to deal with pouring them out later. Fea sighed and came up behind Die, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind.

"Yeah, I do..."

He leaned back into his touch and closed his eyes for a moment before whispering, "Thank you."

He reached up and pushed a hand into Fea's hair before turning his head and tugging him down a little, his eyes almost pleading. Fea looked shocked for a moment before his frowned a little, leaning down and planting a soft kiss on Die's mouth before hugging him tightly, rubbing his back. Die wasn't quite sure what to think of the way Fea looked at him, but he got what he wanted and then he diligently went back to breading the chicken, feeling a bit awkward. Fea frowned and rubbed a hand across Die's back before starting to cut up tomatoes and onions and garlic, finding the can of tomato paste he'd bought to help them cheat it.

"I'm sorry if I get awkward sometimes," he murmured quietly, "I just... I don't know."

And he really didn't know. Something in him just desired certain things lately and one of them was kissing... a lot. Usually he could do with or without it. But lately, he felt like

he was starving for it most of the time, and it was an odd feeling.

Finishing up the chicken, Die glanced at Fea.

"Frying it or baking it?"

Fea squeezed his arm.

"It's not awkward. It just makes me sad for you."

He gave him a little look of sympathy before looking at the chicken.

"Baking, that way the sauce and pasta will have time to cook."

Die nodded a bit and then laid it all out on a baking sheet, making sure to sprinkle some Parmesan on top before he turned on the oven and waited on the timer to tell him it was pre-heated.

"I've just been a bit... off. It's nothing. I'll figure it out eventually," he let out, trying to wave it off.

Fea gave him a little nod, leaning to lay his head on top of Die's briefly in a handless hug sort of gesture, putting all the sauce ingredients in a pot after sautéing some garlic at the bottom of it, boiling water in another for the pasta. It was a while before Die spoke up again, only doing so as he put the chicken in and set the timer.

"So... have you ever... done the dirty in the kitchen with Kyo?"

Fea let out a loud laugh, looking at Die with a quirked brow.

"Duh! When I stayed when him at the apartment in Japan, we basically fucked everywhere."

From the parlor, Kyo piped up, "It was awesome; we totally broke dishes!"

Die let out a laugh and then shook his head.

"Mmm... I think I need some insight on exactly _how_ those dishes got broken."

Kaoru laughed as Kyo climbed over him to look over the counter at them into the kitchen.

"Pretty simple, really. He was fucking my brains out on the counter and I had some dishes by the sink and they got knocked off onto the floor."

Die snorted.

"Oh, well that certainly wasn't as eventful as I thought the story was going to be!"

He shook his head.

"I expected ecstasy and flailing limbs and then grabbing a plate or something and flinging it."

Kyo chuckled and rolled his eyes, getting back down on the couch. Fea was still laughing softly, shaking his head.

"We've done it _everywhere_ in his apartment. On the balcony, in the bathroom, in the hall, in his office, the kitchen... my favorite was with him on top of his grand, though... that was amazing."

Die closed his eyes for a moment, allowing his mind to envision the sex on Kyo's grand piano. He let out a little hum and then opened his eyes again, going about cleaning up the dishes they had already used and wouldn't be again. Fea chuckled and Kaoru got up from the couch, coming into the kitchen and kissing Die's shoulder.

"Mmm, it smells good, boys."

He smiled and hugged Die around the waist before scooting in at the sink and helping him clean. Die leaned closer to Kaoru when he got the kiss on his shoulder. His arousal spiked even more and he mentally sort of winced. Apparently letting himself go last night with Kyo and Fea had been like releasing the proverbial damn and he couldn't plug the giant hole with a little pebble. Completely oblivious, Kaoru dried the last dish and then leaned to kiss Die's jaw, scratching his back through his shirt and nuzzling on him a little. He looked at the lizard in its terrarium on the counter and grinned.

"I guess all our pets are strays, huh?"

Die almost didn't catch the little whine that wanted to come out at the kiss not being on his lips. He chewed his lip for a moment before he nodded.

"Yeah, they are."

He glanced over at Chuck, who seemed to quietly be stalking his cricket. Kaoru just leaned on him for a while before watching Fea go to sit with Kyo, everything just needing to cook and simmer now. He shifted around to huge against Die's front and wrapped his arms around his lover's neck, looking up at him for a long moment before rising on his toes to press a kiss against his mouth. Die leaned down into it, his lips melding with Kaoru's while he twined his fingers with his lover's. Pressing him back against the counter, he slowly deepened the kiss, his other hand resting on Kaoru's waist. Kaoru let out a soft sound, opening his lips to Die, his tongue snaking out just a little, running along Die's bottom lip. Die continued it until he just physically couldn't anymore.

Pulling back, he licked his lips a little bit and then just smiled at Kaoru, squeezing his hand before he let go and murmured, "Gotta use the bathroom."

Slipping off, he moved to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and just leaning against the counter, trying to pull himself back under control again rather than getting more worked up. Kaoru blinked, licking his lips and tasting Die there, watching him go off and standing awkwardly in the kitchen. After a moment, he sneaked over to the sauce, dipping his finger in and sucking it off with a little purr.

Die closed his eyes, biting his lip and just trying to think of anything but the fact that he'd been very close to trying to start something with Kaoru. He'd already done a lot with Kaoru today and adding sex on top of it just didn't seem like the best of plans. Sighing softly, he finally went to take a piss and then flushed, washing his hands and trying to generally take as much time as possible. When he came back out, he put his smile back on and tried to act like he hadn't just been in the bathroom contemplating putting his hand down his pants. Kaoru and Fea and Kyo were all squeezed onto the couch, Kaoru smiling and Die and waving him over, patting his lap as Die's seat.

"C'mere, honey."

Die tried not to give them a wary look, wondering how the fuck he was supposed to be all normal and shit when he felt like a walking time bomb. But he just came over and gingerly settled on Kaoru's leg, mostly keeping his weight on his feet. Kaoru hugged him around the waist, nuzzling his shoulder.

"I set a timer, by the way," Fea informed him, leaning back into Kyo, who was insisting on braiding his hair.

Die nodded.

"Thank you. I totally forgot to do that."

He ran a hand over his face and then peered at what Kyo was doing, smirking a little before he looked around, his eyes landing on the bottles of alcohol on the counter. Wincing, he got up after a moment and went over to them, quickly unscrewing the caps and starting to pour out the alcohol, glancing back at Kaoru.

"Did you want to keep any of this hidden somewhere for yourself?"

Kaoru watched him, shaking his head and getting up, going to rub Die's back.

"I'm really proud of you, baby."

Die gave him a weak little smile before turning back and starting to pour it out, wincing at the amount of money going down the drain. After a few bottles were gone, he was on the last one, a cherry vodka he loved so much.

He murmured, "I was getting to the point where I wasn't ever actually completely sober...."

Kaoru felt a deep frown contort his face and he wrapped his arms around Die, squeezing onto him.

"I know you can do this. And you know I'll be here for you."

Die nodded as he finished pouring it down the drain and then sniffed the bottle for a moment. Then he tossed it in the garbage.

"Such a shame... I loved that vodka."

He put the other bottles in the trash as well and then rinsed the sink out before he went back toward the couch, settling down and then patting his lap.

"C'mere, sweetheart."

Kaoru frowned and came to curl up in his lap, arms around his neck. Kyo reached over and rubbed Die's arm, giving him a little smile, happy he'd poured everything out. Die held onto Kaoru, snuggling up to him and then trying to let himself smile softly. Yawning slightly, he tried not to squirm in his seat at all.

Fea crossed his legs and pulled Kyo into his lap, making him play-whine again, "Feeeliiiiix!" to which Fea replied, "Tooooruuuu!" just to annoy him.

Kaoru giggled, nuzzling onto Die.

"So how long is the tour?" he asked them, making both of them groan.

"Another month."

Die watched them, thinking it entirely adorable. Licking his lips a little, he chuckled and then full-out laughed.

"Mmm... hey, it's not so bad. At least it's sort of fun... sometimes... right?"

They both laughed.

"For about an hour a night? Yeah, it's fun."

Kaoru let out, "Sounds like marriage," before he could stop himself, blushing before watching Kyo and Fea practically fall apart in laughter.

Die looked something between shocked and amused.

"Hey! Marriage can't be that bad!"

He pinched Kaoru gently and then rolled his eyes. Kaoru squeaked at the pinch, kissing Die's nose.

"I know, I know, it was a joke... but not everybody's lucky enough to be married to you."

He laughed and shook his head.

"Mmhmm, sure."

He licked his lips again and then closed his eyes for a few minutes. Kaoru just rested against him, talking with Fea and Kyo about his photos from the show the night before and Kaoru laughed, letting them know they'd all go through them after dinner. He'd gotten quite a few he thought all of them would enjoy. Die opened his eyes at the mention of photos and smiled softly.

"I bet they're amazing."

Kaoru gave a rather devilish looking grin and leaned in, whispering in Die's ear, "There's one of Kyo I might need to leave you alone with for a few minutes... you can consider it a little gift from me to you."

Die let out a half choked sound and then blushed.

"Oh yeah?"

Kaoru laughed, patting Die's cheek and giving him a little kiss.

"Yeah."

The timer went off for the food and Fea and Kaoru got up, Kaoru enlisting Kyo's help to set the table for four, pouring everyone some iced raspberry tea. Die got up as well, going to help Fea, grabbing the pot holder and wandering over to the oven, pulling out the chicken and then getting a knife and fork, checking the chicken for done-ness. It was finished and he smiled happily.

"Looks good to me!"

Fea gave him a thumb’s up and drained the pasta, rinsing it to stop it from cooking any further and then putting it back in the pot, adding some minced garlic and stirring it around. Quickly, he took the bread and buttered it, adding some more garlic and some dried parsley, popping it into the oven to heat up and melt the butter into it quickly, starting to make plates for everyone, humming to himself. Die started getting the serving bowls so they weren't serving out of pots and off of pans. Instead, he used the good dishes, a smile on his lips.

"I think I like cooking with you, it's so efficient."

Fea gave a bright laugh, nodding.

"I'm pretty amazing, what can I say?" he joked, getting "damn, right" from Kyo.

Die laughed.

"Mmm... I think we're all pretty amazing, just sayin'."

He licked his lips a little and then started carrying things out to the table. Kaoru smiled, smelling it.

"Oh my god, I'm starving right now. It smells so good!"

"It does," Die commented, a huge smile on his face.

A moment later, he started to serve everyone, flitting around. Kyo looked pleased, a pride in him at Fea's cooking ability, and that he and Die got along so well. It was much better than having a lover that butt heads with his best friend, it made it much easier to have them all together like this. Die crossed one leg under the other and then dug in, making a little noise of happiness at the taste.

"I think this is a success!" he informed.

Kaoru seemed on cloud nine, digging in. Fea chuckled and got up to grab the bread, cutting it up and putting it in a bowl after laying a napkin inside it, bringing it to the table and sitting back down, cutting up the chicken. He took a bite and gave Die a thumb's up. Die grabbed a piece of bread and started to munch on it, a smile on his face. Kyo cut up his chicken and pasta, eating like he was starved.

"You'll have to make Fea teach you how to make Russian dumplings and Kiev. I could live off his cooking. And unlike me, you can actually pick it up. I'm more or less awful at cooking."

Die's face flushed a bit.

"Maybe you could send me the recipes?" he asked Fea, knowing he could probably do at least pretty well off that alone.

Fea nodded.

"I'll try and remember. I'd have to translate them. Their all from my dad, he was the cook in our family, and all his recipes are in Russian. He was kind of staunch about raising me as a Ruske behind Mum's back."

He shrugged a little with a smirk.

"It didn't quite work, but I can cook and handle my liquor, so, he won out somewhere."

"Ah, well, you see, that's what counts, right?"

Die laughed and raised his glass of tea in a little salute.

"I've tried some Russian food before and I wonder how I could make something and compare."

Fea chuckled, nodding.

"We'll see."

He scooped a little of the pasta and sauce onto a piece of bread and took a big bite, watching Kyo struggle to get a not-messy bite of pasta, reaching over to wipe sauce off his chin with a smirk and lick it off his thumb. Die finished off about half his plate in somewhat record time before he pushed his plate back and moved back to the kitchen, digging around and getting out the tiramisu, cutting off four pieces of it and then putting the rest back in the freezer before bringing the plates to the table with little tiny forks to eat it with. Kaoru was about to finish the whole plate, near to bursting, when he saw the cake. He immediately dropped his fork and washed down the bite he had with some tea, picking up the smaller plate and leaning back with a purr, taking a bite of the tiramisu. He looked at Die with intense devotion.

"I love you so much, baby."

Unable to stop himself, Kyo giggled a little behind a hand, finishing his plate of chicken and pasta, first.

"I love you, too, darling."

He laughed and started to eat the dessert, one tiny bite at a time. Fea and Kyo finished their dinners and then started in on the desserts, feeding some to each other, Kyo blushing, still not used to the corny bits of affection, though he loved it. Kaoru finished his piece of cake in about a minute and set the smaller plate on top of his larger one, carrying it to the sink and coming back for Die's, giving Makoto the piece of Die's chicken he hadn't eaten. When he came back to clear Die's dessert plate, he leaned in, whispering softly in his ear, "I'm still hungry."

Die finished off his cake rather quickly, settling back and patting his stomach a little, a tiny bulge formed there after the food he'd eaten. When Kaoru whispered that in his ear, his first thought was of how on earth he could still be hungry, his head turning to give Kaoru a questioning look. Kaoru caught Die's eyes with a smirk, moving away with Die's glass, refilling it with tea and bringing it back to collect Fea and Kyo's dinner plates, as well before putting away the leftovers. Finally coming back to the table, he put a hand on Die's shoulder, looking at the other couple.

"Do uh, do you think you two could excuse us for a few minutes?"

Die still looked sort of perplexed, accepting the refilled tea glass and then sort of sitting by while everything happened. Both of them smirked, looking at Die and then nodding. Kaoru thanked them with a smile and tugged Die up, going off to the bedroom.

"Come on, DaiDai."

Die sort of got up, looking like he really thought it couldn't possibly be what on earth he thought it really was. Going off with Kaoru, he tried to calm himself, telling himself that he was just putting too much thought into it. Kaoru slid into the bedroom and closed the door after Die, turning back to him and rather suddenly pushed him back onto the bed, opening Die's pants and all but tearing them off, tossing his packer up further on the bed and leaving his pants on the floor, leaning to kiss Die's stomach as he pushed his shirt up, wasting no time and working his way down.

"Been neglecting you," he murmured, sliding his tongue along the top line of Die's pubic hair. "Shouldn't have, I miss you so much."

Die let out a gasp the moment that Kaoru pushed him back on the bed. Shivering a little, he just sort of watched while Kaoru went about getting his pants off and then licking at him. Whimpering a little bit, he pushed one hand against his mouth and arched his hips up toward him a bit.

"Kaoru," he breathed out.

Kaoru moaned softly, moving down and sealing his mouth around Die hungrily, sucking at all of him, slipping onto his knees and gripping onto Die's thighs, eating him out with perhaps more enthusiasm that he ever had. Die let out a shocked cry, shivering almost violently as he felt that mouth close over him. Spreading his legs a little more, he pushed his hips into it, one hand coming to shove into his own hair, pulling on it a little as he started to let out desperate little cries. Kaoru sucked and licked, moaning against Die, honestly having missed the taste of him. He sucked his little cock and tongue-fucked his passage, suckling and lapping at everything else in between with abandon.

Die pretty much squirmed around on the bed, making some of the most amazingly girly noises while he received this treatment. It took everything he had not to just end up face-fucking Kaoru desperately. Kaoru's hands came up and squeezed Die's hips, tongue spearing into him, the point of it teasing against the front wall. He wanted to bring his lover off, wanted to actually have a physical moment between them. They had hardly done more than cuddle and kiss now and again for nearly two months and it was killing him. It really didn't take Die long before he was tottering on the edge, making the noises that anyone who'd never heard him do it would have thought only came out of Japanese girls faking it in porn. But for Die, it wasn't fake, and for once, he just couldn't keep up the sounds he was supposed to have as a man. His hips bucked and then snapped into place, arched from the bed. A moment later, he was damn near screaming as he came, hard.

Kaoru's eyes slipped shut and he slurped rather noisily at Die, licking him clean gently and stroking his hands on every part of his lover's body that he could reach. When he was done, he licked his lips and sat back, petting Die's knee with a little smile. Die let out a satisfied little sound, sort of deflating and laying on the bed, peering down toward Kaoru. When he patted his knee, Die motioned him up.

"C'mere, baby."

Kaoru crawled up onto the bed, lying beside Die and stroking his stomach, smiling a little dopily. He was half-hard for the first time in maybe a month, but ignored it, remembering the way Die had reacted to the way his cum tasted now. He smiled at him and then shifted closer to him, leaning in to kiss his nose and then gently on his lips, his hand trailing over Kaoru's hip and then lower, cupping his groin. A surprised cry left him and he immediately started moving clothing aside to get to Kaoru's erection.

"You're hard," he whispered out, sounding quite pleased.

Kaoru shivered, gasping as Die touched him, skin to skin, tears springing to his eyes at the feeling, having been kept from it for so long.

"Fuck, I've missed how you feel..."

Die let out a little purr and struggled out of his shirt and then got Kaoru out of his clothing. Leaning down, he started to kiss down Kaoru's body until he got to his dick, licking at it and peering up at him, his eyes sparkling. Kaoru closed his eyes, whimpering, looking down at Die.

"Please... I want to be inside you, I want to hold you against me."

Die peered up at him, his eyes wide. He was in a bit of shock that Kaoru wanted this right then. Shifting over him, he straddled his lover and held his dick as he slowly sank down on him, a shiver running through him as he groaned in pleasure. Kaoru let out a soft moan as his lover slipped over him. The heat of Die's body swallowed him up and he grasped the other's thin hips, then slid his hands up, trying to tug Die down against him, wanting to feel the other pressed to him. Die lowered himself as close as possible and then started to rock over Kaoru, closing his eyes and imagining he had his dick and he was hard, aching.

Sighing happily, Kaoru leaned up to kiss Die, sliding his hands down his back, trying to rock with him. He hands thread in his lover's soft hair, feeling his body surround him. He didn't go fast, he didn't even try to. Instead, he just felt, his eyelids fluttering closed as he breathed out a soft sigh and simply stayed in the moment with Kaoru, enjoying the sensations and the closeness.

Kaoru purred, loving how tender Die was being with him, holding him close and kissing him gently, trying his best to push all his love for Die out towards the other man. Words just didn't feel good enough lately. Die sort of curled protectively around Kaoru, even tucking his feet under Kaoru's legs a little and his arms under his lover's body while he rocked with him. Pleasure coursed slowly through him like waves crashing against a beach, rising and ebbing, building. It was wonderful and strangely perfect and sad all at once, but he didn't stop moving, kissing Die needily. Die responded to the kiss, but rather than pouring lust into it, he simply pushed love into it. Moaning quietly, he carefully kept his pace the same, just enjoying what he was doing.

Kaoru's hands ran down Die's back and cupped his ass, moaning softly, running back up to his shoulders and brushing through his hair. Then down his arms. Then back, cupping his neck. He couldn't keep his hands from caressing the other, finding that the lack of physicality between them was making his release rush close, but he held back as best he could, wanting to drag this out, needing this. Die could feel how Kaoru was sort of verging on ramping up faster than he was. It was sort of a surprise for him, but he just continued on, hoping Kaoru could feel that he was trying to give him the moments he always desired with him, desperate to not push it in the wrong direction.

Kaoru could feel tears running down his face, but he didn't care, knew it was joy and raw emotion. He clung to Die harder and moved to suck at his lover's neck, wanting to leave a mark there, wanting something to look at and remind him of this. Die just clung to him, still rocking his hips ever so slightly, letting out little whimpering moans every few minutes when he couldn't help it.

Kaoru soaked it all up, not even thinking about how perfect it was, not distracting himself at all from the moment. His own moans grew more frequent and louder, and he couldn't hold on anymore. Gripping Die's hips, he kissed him again, sucking at his lips and trying to muffle himself, hips moving up into Die and then tensing, stilling, an elated whine leaving him as he emptied himself into Die, clutching at him. The moment Die felt Kaoru cum, he knew he was on cloud nine. Just knowing his lover could come for him was perfection. He kissed him back, gently peppering his face with kisses and hugging him close for a few minutes, no longer moving. Finally, he shifted off of him, kissing his cheek and then moving to get one of the discarded towels from another night, coming back with it to clean up Kaoru ever so gently.

Kaoru laid there with his eyes closed, limp against the bed and tingling all over. He whimpered softly as Die cleaned him off and then tugged his lover towards him, wanting to hold him. Die crawled back closer to him once he'd wiped at himself a bit as well, tossing the towel away. curling up, he bit his lip a little and stroked over Kaoru's arm ever so slightly.

"Doing okay?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru just purred, hugging onto Die tightly. He burrowed his face in the other's neck, smelling him, before whispering in his ear, "That was... perfect."

Die smiled a little, glad that he'd finally given Kaoru at least some of what he wanted. He kissed the side of his head gently and then rubbed at his side again. Relaxing for a while, collecting himself, he stroked at Die's arms, purring.

"I love you so, so much..."

"I love you, too, baby."

He gently poked Kaoru's nose and then grinned at him.

“You going to take a nap?" he asked quietly, shifting around with the covers.

Kaoru grinned at the poke, shaking his head and managing to sit up with a stretch.

"No, no. I want to spend time with them while they're still here."

Speaking of "them", he could hear Kyo and Fea in the living room watching TV, guessing they had done it to cover up the obvious noises of him and Die. Die peered back at him and then glanced toward the living room. He nodded a bit and then sat up, moving to get Kaoru's clothing, handing it over to him. He then grabbed his own and started to get dressed, still feeling rather aroused, but not really knowing what exactly to do about it. For certain, he didn't want to wreck what they'd had by bringing it up.

Kaoru took his clothes and then looked at Die, reading him easily. With a soft smile, he tugged Die towards him and reached between his legs, rubbing at him.

"Let me finish you."

Die blinked and then gasped softly, squirming a bit as Kaoru pushed his hand between his legs.

"O-oh!" he let out, blushing terribly.

Burying his face against the pillows, he mumbled, "I-it's o-okay."

Shaking his head with a soft laugh, Kaoru leaned over and kissing Die's collarbone gently, slipped two fingers inside of him and immediately crooking them, feeling out his g-spot and molesting the hell out of it, his thumb against the base of Die's clit.

"Come on, baby, let me get you off."

Die let out a sharp cry that no amount of TV could possibly drown out, his body arching up and then stiffening. Whimpering a little, he closed his eyes. Kaoru didn't back off, leaning and cupping Die's throat, kissing along it tenderly as his fingers found all the right spots. It didn't take him long to get back to making the girly noises again, his head tilted back and his eyes glassed over as he fucked himself against Kaoru's fingers. Kaoru worked with Die's movements, trying to intuit what he wanted, hugging his lover close.

"I love you so much, baby... let go... cum for me."

Die let out a sharp cry and then shivered, his body starting to throb around Kaoru's fingers as he spilled himself out over the bedsheets. Kaoru gave a pleased sound, pulling Die against him once he was sure he was done, holding him close.

"Mmm... better?"

Die lay there, panting, his hands clinging to Kaoru's arm.

"I... yeah," he breathed out, trying to catch his breath.

Kaoru smiled, hugging Die around the waist and kissing his jaw.

"Good..."

He seemed in a dazed state of joy, happy and calm. After a few minutes, he rolled over a bit and nuzzled at Kaoru, not wanting to ruin everything by apologizing for being a pain in the butt and needing to get off. Kaoru certainly didn't seem to mind, anyway, rubbing Die's back and lying beside with a big grin on his face. Die smiled a little and then yawned slightly.

"Okay, we should get up and go back out to visit with the boys, yeah?"

Kaoru purred a little, nodding, petting Die's hair and not moving from his spot.

"Yeah, I guess we should..."

Die patted Kaoru's side a little before he finally moved and started to pull his pants back up. He put his packer back in place and then pulled on his shirt, trying to look a bit less like he had just been ravished. Kaoru squirmed over to the edge of the bed and got dressed, as well, pulling his beanie back on to cover his baldness. Once Die was straightened up, he opened the door and stepped out to applause from Kyo and Fea, cuddling on the couch. Die started laughing, blushing and then moving into the living room and taking a little bow.

"Thank you, thank you, I'm glad you like my vocal work. You have no idea how much that means to me!"

Kyo and Fea laughed, Fea somehow scrunched up enough for Kyo to effectively cuddle him on the couch, playing with his long hair and watching some sort of home decorating show. Kaoru smirked at then and went to sit on the other end of the couch, Mako immediately coming to jump in his lap, making him scoff.

"Mako! That's daddy's spot!"

Die snorted at Mako a little and shrugged, plunking down on the floor in front of them so Mako could cuddle with Kaoru for the time being.

"I'd just be happy he's being good."

Kaoru pouted and reached out to pet Die's hair, as if he and the dog really had switched places. Kyo's foot snuck out from under all three of them and poked Die in the arm with his big toe.

"Hey. You. Go get Kaoru's laptop. I was promised seeing the photos from the show."

Die peered up at him and then laughed, getting up and wandering off to get the laptop. Coming back with it, he plugged it in and moved the cord around, gently putting the laptop on Kyo's lap and then settling down. Kaoru leaned over Fea and pointed Kyo in the right direction to the photos from the show, Kyo pulling them up and setting it down on the coffee table so they could all see, going through them with the arrow key.

Most of them were pretty standard concert photos, with Kaoru's sharp eye making them crisp. But it was clear which ones Kyo had played along with. Towards the end, he finally came across the one Kaoru had taken of him straight up at the edge of the stage, cupping himself through his jeans and staring directly down into the lens with a look not so much of lust but possible rape. Die leaned over, peering at the photos as Kyo went through them, his body about half falling over. By the time they got to the one that Kaoru had been talking about, Die let out a little squawk and fell over in the floor, his head popping back up and his wide eyes staring at the photo, his mouth moving over and over, but no sound coming out. All of them laughed, Kyo petting Die's head.

"Juuuust for you."

Fea whistled, muttering, "I'd like a copy, please."

Kyo pinched him a little and then started going through the photos again, getting the end of his and into Fea's, all wild eyes and long hair flying around, a few of the rest of the band by themselves. There were several from Kaoru moving back to the bar and up into the balcony, as well, a zoomed-on shot of Fea standing on the rail with Kyo and Die and about ten other fans, too, holding him up. Fea chuckled a little, patting Kaoru.

"I like that one."

Die laughed softly at the last photo and smirked.

"I think I have two I will print out and keep forever, that's for sure."

Kyo smirked and clicked through again, finding one of Fea on his knees, flailing back and forth, caught mid-swing, eyes rolled back. The taller man moaned, covering his face.

"God, I look damaged!"

Kyo laughed and kissed his head.

"Welcome to being caught in the heat of the moment."

Die reached up and pinched his leg a bit.

"I love photos like that, actually."

Fea chuckled a little, shaking his head.

"I feel like I look like a crazy person, but whatever you say..."

Kyo smacked him a little, scoffing.

"You _are_ a crazy person!"

Die threw back his head and laughed, falling back against Kyo's leg.

"Dude, you don't understand. If you were un-crazy, I would have to say you weren't a friend! I only friend crazy people!"

Kyo chuckled a little, pulling some of Fea's hair up into little spikes.

"Aaaaw, see, baby? Everyone else loves you crazy, too!"

Kaoru shook his head, grinning.

"God, if his _friends_ have to be crazy, what does that make me?"

Die turned to stare at Kaoru.

"Fucking insane, baby. Just like me."

All three of them on the couch "aaaaw"ed at the same time before Kyo chimed in "Aaw, you're wedding's going to be so creepy," in a sweet voice, hugging onto Fea.

Kaoru blinked for a moment and then laughed, hugging his stomach.

"Mmm... actually I think it's going to be adorable," Die commented, looking down at the table.

Kyo sat up, having reached the end of the photos, petting Fea some more and looking at Die.

"Really? Have you gotten any ideas for it yet?"

Die blushed a little and then nodded.

"Yeah, I have, actually. Quite a few."

Kaoru sat up straighter, petting Makoto.

"I want to hear!"

Kyo and Fea nodded emphatically.

"Me, too!"

Die shifted a little and then murmured, "The biopark, there's this part with the archway of roses and lilies. I was thinking to rent it out. Then we'd get someone we like ordained and they'd do the service."

Kaoru gave a soft smile and Kyo raised his hand.

"I'm a monk!"

He lowered it again.

"Then again... I don't know if I could hold it together to actually marry you two."

Fea chuckled and stretched up to kiss Kyo's chin. Die stared at him and then completely turned around to practically crawl in his lap.

"Dude, you _have_ to! Oh please please please!"

Kyo turned bright red, waving his hands in front of his face.

"No, no! I couldn't! I'd choke! And even if I started into it, I know I'd cry! It's _you_ guys, you think I wouldn't cry?"

Die pretty much ended up entirely in Kyo's lap, holding onto his shirt on both sides.

"But, Kyo! It's not going to be a lot of people and I don't mind it if you cry! And it'd just be us and close family and Sita and that's all!"

Kyo bit his lip, looking shy all of a sudden.

"You'd really want me to marry you?"

Kaoru moved closer, all but climbing over Fea.

"It would be really nice."

Kyo thought about it for a moment.

"Like... a Shinto wedding?"

Kaoru shrugged.

"Maybe something simple. Like... reform, modern Shinto."

Kyo gave sort of a nod, gnawing his lip some more. Die pretty much ended up entirely in Kyo's lap, holding onto his shirt Die plopped his butt down on Kyo's lap and then squished the side of his cheeks before pressing a kiss to his nose and looking thrilled.

"Yes!"

He nodded and bounced a little bit.

"And you'd have control over how it was put together. Wouldn't that be an amazing project?"

Kyo gave a tiny groan at being squished.

"I think the word you're looking for is daunting."

"Nooo! We'd help, but you'd have creative control!"

He clamped his arms around Kyo and bounced a little again.

"It'd be so amazing!"

Kyo grunted as Die squished against him, but wrapped him in a return hug.

"Alright, alright!"

Die grinned happily.

"Yay!" He peered over at Fea and pointed at him. "What do you want to do?!"

Fea blinked widely, thinking on his feet.

"Aaaah, well, I mean, if he's marrying you, wouldn't that make me the best man?"

"Yes!"

Die turned and peered at Kaoru.

"Would Sita want to be like...best woman or something?"

Kaoru chuckled, nodding.

"Probably so. And Asa will be the flower girl, of course. Maybe this new baby, whatever he or she is, can be the ring-bearer."

Die looked thrilled and then squished Kyo again before giving him some breathing room, though not actually moving off of him.

"Oh! Kyo, I texted the guy at work about what we talked about," he smiled at Kyo.

"He asked for your number. Can I give it to him?"

Kyo blinked, then remembered, nodding.

"Sure, yeah, I guess. I won’t be able to do anything for another month or two, though, but... I guess he can have my contact, at least."

Die nodded a little, smiling.

"I'm sure he knows what the deal is with things."

He watched as Mako got up and wandered off and then he sort of stretched himself out over all three of them, his head in Kaoru's lap.

"I'm so freaking happy!"

Kaoru purred, petting Die's hair.

"Mmm, let it simmer, baby. If we're lucky, we won’t be getting married for another four or five years."

Die whined a little and then licked his lips.

"But you got me talking about it! I've been trying to simmer it, but you wanted to see the

stew before it finished!"

Kaoru laughed, lolling his head back.

"Gah, I love you, crazy."

Die made his lips into a fish-type kissy face, craning his head up toward Kaoru for a kiss. Kaoru giggled softly, stretching towards him and pecking his lips with a loud noise. Die made a 'mwah' noise as well about it and then grinned happily.

"Mmm... so... did we just want to relax or do something else for a while?"

Fea sat up, checking his watch.

"Actually, do you mind if I use your laptop real quick? I need to Skype Clairen and tell her goodnight."

It was only 3 o'clock there, but it was almost past his daughter's bedtime in London. Die beamed.

"Mine has a better webcam on it."

He got up and grabbed it from off to the side of the couch, handing it over. Fea grinned, muttering a soft "thanks" and crossed his legs, setting the laptop across his knees and pulling up the website. He logged into his account and then texted Clairen to let her know he was signed in before he made a call, waiting for a moment before it connected. He waved with both hands enthusiastically as the image of his nightgown clad little girl came up, signing to her that he was sorry it was late. She waved it off and asked him how his day was, Fea giving her a short description and then tugged Kyo over into the webcam's shot to wave at her. Clairen let out a little sound of happiness and surprise, the only noise she'd made so far, waving at him emphatically.

Die sort of peered around to see her and smiled before he settled back and let Fea do his thing. After a little of silent conversation, Fea lifted the laptop and pointed it at Kaoru and Die. "Say hi." Clairen waved at them, leaning in to look at the screen and get a good look at both of them, remembering Die and peering curiously at Kaoru, who blinked and then waved before Fea set the laptop back down. After a minute more, he pointed to himself, then hugged himself and rocked back and forth, and pointed at the screen, smiling before blowing a kiss at the camera and ending the call. He closed the website and set the laptop on the coffee table, smiling at Die.

"Thank you."

Die watched them and then waved when Fea pointed the laptop at him. Once he'd ended the call, he just smiled softly.

"She was real sweet when I met her. Has she been doing okay?"

Fea nodded, sighing a little.

"OK enough. She's been trying to fight her mom to go a regular school with an assistant and not a deaf school, and... Rosalyn has been really breaking my balls about her being with me while I'm with Kyo. It's rough, but, we're figuring it out."

"Like I said before, she needs to calm the fuck down about not wanting her around you when you're with Kyo."

Fea frowned, nuzzling against Kyo's chest.

"I really wish she would. I don't want to take a lawyer to court for custody, but... I'm really feeling down to the wire with it this past year or so."

"Understandably, she's being a big ol' bitch about it and it's just not fair to any of you."

He made a face. Fea pushed his hands into his hair, shrugging.

"I mean... we were really young when she got pregnant. We were in our last year of boarding school, so, she's from the same high-class my family is, and they just... don't really understand where I went with all," he gestured at his tattoos, "this. I guess I can't blame them..."

Die made a face.

"That's no reason to treat someone differently like that."

He reached over to pat Fea's arm. Fea sort of rolled his eyes.

"I think you and I both know that's not how things work, as much as we wish they did. My dad is the only person from my family that stills talks to me. The rest, I'm dead to. They all talk about how... I could have been working for the Prime Minister now, or weaseling my way in Parliament, but, I didn't want that. I didn't want what I grew up in."

Die winced a little at the reminder.

"Yeah... true enough."

He shifted a little bit and then murmured, "Maybe just lie to her?"

Fea scoffed.

"How? He already has to hide me; I won’t hide him. Clairen likes him, and... I want him to be around for a long time. It's something she's going to have to get used to."

"I'm not saying from your daughter. I mean from ding-a-ling."

Die made a face and squirmed slightly.

"Clairen wouldn't rat you out I don't think."

Fea laughed, shaking his head.

"Thanks, but no. That's what I meant is I won’t back down from Ross just because she doesn't like this. I won’t cower back and ‘not be gay’ just because she thinks it's a bad influence. She thinks _I'm_ a bad influence, over all."

Die sighed softly and then nodded.

"I understand, I really do... I mean I lost my whole family because I wouldn't hide who I am."

Fea frowned, letting Kyo pet his hair.

"I really hope it doesn't come to that... Clairen and my dad is all the family I have. I mean, the band, too, but... I mean, we're not really all that close. It's more... creative business arrangement?"

He shrugged. Die nodded a bit.

"I hope no one else has to go with what I did in order to be who they are."

He shrugged a little and then pulled his feet up and put them on Fea's lap. Fea gave him a sad smile and pat his ankles before Kyo tried to lighten the mood a bit, hugging Fea around the shoulders as Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die's waist.

"Tell them how she got her name."

"Hmm?"

Fea looked up at him and then chuckled a bit.

"Right... ah, well... Rosaline and I went to a summer music program together, before our final year in school. I wanted to be a musician, obviously, and the only way I could do that while still living under my mother's roof was to pursue classical, which I honestly loved, and still do. I learned piano first and then violin, cello, and a little harp, but, anyway... Rosaline played the viola and we were partnered together for the end of term project and were given Clair de Lune, and... well, we had a very heated affair, an artist's high, I guess... so when Clairen was born, we decided to name her something a bit original after the inspiration of her, ah... passionate conception."

Die grinned at him, filing the tidbit of information away and then letting out an exaggerated sigh. Fea laughed, shaking his head.

 

"Ah, such a wonderful tale and so sultry!"

He flopped his arm over his forehead.

"You know... I regret it sometimes."

"Regret what?"

"Not being able to have kids," his hand came down to his stomach and rubbed there gently. "I couldn't though, even before. So it's a useless regret."

Kaoru laid his hands over Die's, kissing his ear.

"We'll figure it out one day, baby..."

Kyo frowned at them, hugging onto Fea.

"You two would make awesome parents."

"Mmm... yeah, we will."

He reached up to fondle Kaoru's cheek.

"I just wish there'd been a way to carry the child. I feel odd now... like not quite sad, but sort of... lost... about it. Does that make sense?"

Fea gave a tiny nod.

"I don't think it's so odd. You were born with a body whose greatest gift is carrying and bearing children. To not be able to do that... I'd think it's in your DNA to be upset. I had sympathy pains with Rosaline when she was pregnant with Clairen, I guess I can kind of understand."

Die nodded a little bit.

"One of the girls that cleans the tables at work... she's pregnant and I've been carrying the full tray for her because she knows she shouldn't be lifting but can't stop work because she needs the money." He frowned a little. "I hate it when I see people struggling."

Kyo gave him a meaningful look while Kaoru nuzzled on Die, telling him he had such a big heart.

"Me, too."

Die knew what that look meant and he felt the faint blush in his cheeks, his mind swimming with thoughts, but none of them really entirely clear. Eventually one thought came through loud and clear.

_I hope you know I owe you so big._

Kyo bit the inside of his lip, thinking back to him

_You don't owe me a thing, just keep your head up._

Fea stretched, taking up the whole couch with his long body for a moment before curling back up against Kyo. He nudged Die with his foot and hummed.

"So, tell me a story about the two of you. Tell me something from when you first started dating."

"Um... well... we have this park we go to at times. It's part of the art museum. It's sort of our thing."

He smiled softly and peered up at Kaoru. Kaoru blushed a little, cradling Die against him.

"It's a sculpture garden, just off the street. It's where I took him after our first date. It's where we had our first kiss."

He smiled happily, nuzzling up against Kaoru.

"Yeah, and a few other things."

Kyo grinned, stretching his leg out to nudge Die with his foot.

"Tell, tell!"

"Well... we had a bit of a sexual encounter there once. And some pretty deep conversations."

He smiled softly and squirmed around. Kaoru ran his fingers through Die's hair with a hum.

"I miss that place... We haven't been in a while."

"Yeah, it has been a while. We do need to go back."

He sat up and peered at them.

"Maybe we should all go?"

Kaoru thought for a moment. He was tired, but the idea of going back to the park was too appealing. He nodded, getting up and stretching with a little groan. Fea and Kyo hopped up, as well, nodding.

"That would be nice. We don't get to have stuff like that yet... not getting to really go out in public and all."

Die smiled softly.

"It's really secluded at night, so I'm sure it'll be okay."

He stood up and moved to go get his flip flops, smiling happily. Fea and Kyo dug through their backpacks for flip flops, as well, holding hands to the door and out towards the car.

"Yaaaaay, field trip!"

Die laughed softly, getting his keys and then going to get the car open.

Kaoru grabbed a bottle of water and his little emergency pill canister with pain killers and nausea suppressants, sliding into flip flops, as well, and heading out to the car, leading Makoto around to his pen and putting him in.Die got in the car and then settled down, starting the engine and

waiting on everyone to get in. "It's an adorable place."

Kaoru slipped in and sat back, buckling himself up, Kyo buckling himself into the middle to cuddle with Fea. Die pulled out and took the fastest route to the park. Once they arrived, he parked off to the side at one of the meters that stopped running after dark. Getting out he came around to Kaoru's side and opened the door for him, smiling softly.

Kaoru blushed, getting out and taking Die's arm, Fea and Kyo piling out and looking around, Kyo's fingers moving against his thigh in a subconscious habit.

 _I can feel it_ , he pressed at Die, _how you two are tied to this place. It's... almost sad? But really sweet._

Die blinked a little, his head tilted slightly. He gave a soft little smile as he lead them all into the garden, his arm around Kaoru's waist.

_Is it really that tangible?_

_It is. It means a lot to both of you, important parts of your love blossomed here._

He smiled, chancing to brush his hands down the back of Fea's thigh, following along behind the two of them. Die's smile brightened even more and he huggled Kaoru close. "I love you, baby."

He looked around and didn't see anyone else inside the garden as he led them over to the main statue.

_There's no one else, guys._

"I adore you, pumpkin."

Kaoru smiled back, leaning into Die's side, stopping where they had shared their first kiss. Kyo bit his lip and walked a little past them, moving closer to Fea and slipping a hand up around his waist, hugging onto him. Fea looked shocked at first, then quickly gave in, putting his arm around Kyo's shoulders. Their height difference was dramatic, Kyo looking tiny compared to Fea, practically fitting under his lover's armpit, but somehow, they fit together perfectly.

Die made a soft sound, moving to gently kiss Kaoru's lips. He was so happy to have his baby with him like this and have him feel happy with him. He gently stroked his cheek and then kissed over his nose a little. Glancing at them, he smiled and nudged Kaoru to have him look. Kaoru hugged Die around the waist, giving into the kiss, smiling softly as Die pulled away. He rested his head on Die's shoulder as he turned to look at Kyo and Fea, hugged onto each other and chatting softly over a modern sculpture near their little nook.

"They're really cute together... weird, but, perfect somehow."

"I think the word you're looking for is adorable."

He smiled softly and chuckled.

"I like it when all of us are together. It feels more right this way. Does that make sense?"

Giving Die an odd look for a moment, Kaoru then smiled, nodding and hugging onto his lover.

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean."

Die smiled happily, glad that Kaoru understood that he wasn't implying anything odd, just that he felt like when his friends were close, things were sort of... perfect. Kaoru slid his phone out of his pocket, still holding onto Die, and snapped a photo of Kyo and Fea together, standing with their arms around each other, sending the photo to both of them before putting his phone away and nuzzling Die some more. He nuzzled against his lover a little bit and then kissed him on the cheek.

"You, sir, are an amazing man and I'm so lucky to have you."

Kaoru blushed a little, pulling back and shaking his head.

"No, I think I'm the lucky one."

He smiled and kissed Die's mouth quickly before tugging him off towards more of the sculptures, following behind Fea and Kyo.

"Aww... can't we both just be?"

He smiled, following along with Kaoru, his steps happier than they had been earlier in the day.

"Fine, fine..."

He smiled and held Die's hand, playing with the ring on Die's finger, its very presence on his lover's hand always managing to give him some sort of hope and excitement. He watched as Fea and Kyo ducked into the little nook with the nymph and chuckled, going over to a small tree and sitting down on the wall.Die smirked at them and then sat down next to Kaoru.

"So when's your next appointment?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru gave a heavy sigh.

"Same as always. Back on chemo Monday. They're thinking about starting me on three days every other week instead of two..."

He leaned his head on Die's shoulder, closing his eyes.

"I want this to be over... but I know it's going to at least be another few months."

Die made a little face at that.

"One day, it will be over and we'll be back to normal."

He nodded, convinced he was right and Kaoru's feeling of doom that Kyo had talked about wasn't.

"I hope so..."

He squeezed Die's hand again.

"I want old us back. Me working, I get so fucking bored at the house, healthy... married, with kids... We used to have a future before all this. Now... I don't know anymore."

"Don't say that. We still have the same future, Kaoru. We'll get married and have children and live until we're old and grey."

Kaoru sighed, trying to imagine that.

"That's all I want... it sounds perfect."

"It w _ill_ > be perfect."

He leaned over and then gently pressed a kiss to Kaoru's cheek. He leaned into Die's touch, getting up after a moment.

"Want to go bug the love birds?"

Kyo and Fea had still not emerged from the nook.

"Mmm... only if we get to see what they're doing."

He laughed softly and then stood up as well, quietly creeping over toward them, trying

to think about other things instead of where they were going. Kaoru laughed, sneaking over to the nook and peering in. Fea's back hid most of Kyo, the tall man standing between Kyo's legs as he sat on the brick wall, much like Kaoru had done with Die before, but they were only talking, Fea playing with Kyo's hair and Kyo squeezing Fea's hips in his hands. Somehow, he was sweeter that they were only chatting, wrapped up in each other, rather than making out like teenagers. Die just leaned against the bushes a bit and smiled at them, his eyes glittering faintly in the low light. He cleared his throat a little and then nodded his head back toward the direction of the car.

"When do you have to be back?"

Both of them startled, lost in each other enough to not even notice they were there. Kyo checked his watch.

"Whenever. Before midnight, at least. We'll just get a cab over to the hotel."

Die nodded a little.

"That's fine."

He glanced at his watch, relieved to see it was really only around eight.

"So we have a little while."

They both nodded, Fea leaned to hug Kyo and kiss his ear before moving to get back out of the nook, Kyo hopping down and following.

"We, um... we'd like to take advantage of your guest bed again before we leave, actually. Or your couch if you wanna watch. Whatever."

Die flushed a bit and then laughed softly.

"Definitely. Whichever place. Or... you know, the actual bed."

He figured that wasn't off         limits really. Honestly, he wanted to watch, but he wasn't too sure if Kaoru would be keen on that idea or not, so he chose not to comment on it for the time being.

Kaoru laughed at them, putting an arm around Die's waist.

"You can have the bed. We'll take the chair in the corner."

Die blushed a little bit more and led the way back toward the car, his hands in his pockets.

"Mmm... hey, mind if I stop somewhere to pick up cigarettes and a Snickers? I'm craving it."

They all shrugged, not minding, piling back into the car, Fea cuddling up on Kyo. Kaoru relaxed into the seat and grinned at them. Die got in and then drove off toward the gas station. Pulling in, he motioned at the others.

"Anyone else need something?"

He dug around in the glove box and finally came up with a dollar and fifteen cents to get his candy bar with. He waited on an answer before leaving. Fea hopped out of the car.

"I need some smokes, I'll come with you."

Fea headed into the store, going to the drinks to grab Kyo a green tea and then getting himself a Heath bar, waiting on Die. Die went to the counter and got his Snickers bar, looking longingly over toward the Fantas, but then looking startled when Fea came up beside him while the cashier was ringing him up.

"I'll pay. A mini-fee for taking your guest room."

Die almost didn't get the soda, but at the last minute, he went and got it, bringing it back when he noticed it had a sign on it that said 50 cents. Putting his things up on the counter and asking for a pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights and a Salem Lights, Fea pulled some cash from his wallet and paid, getting interrogated by the older black woman behind the counter about his accent, flirting rather shamelessly with him. Licking his lips a little he smiled and quietly thanked Fea, tugging on his arm and trying to get him to come along with him, offering the woman a good night. Fea headed out with Die, carrying their things, handing Die the pack of cigarettes and getting into the back seat, yelping when he managed to close his hair in the door, opening it again and letting Kyo gather it all up for him, chuckling softly.

"Silly."

Die took the pack of smokes, smiling a little at him.

"Thanks."

He realized it was the second time Fea was buying him his Salems, and he was glad this was under better circumstances than the first time. Fea rubbed his scalp, then reached to pat Die's arm.

"No problem, mate."

Kyo rubbed his scalp for him and pouted cutely at him, taking his tea with a little sound of excited pleasure, kissing Fea's cheek in thanks. Die would have made a comment about his hair being caught, but he just didn't. He drove back to the house, parking and then getting out, coming around to open all the doors for the others before pausing to light up a cigarette and then heading to the house to open the door for them all.

Kaoru chuckled at him, kissing Die's cheek and staying on the porch with him while Kyo and Fea head inside, kicking off their flip flops and going to the guest room to make sure they had all their stuff together, wanting to be packed before sex to make sure they didn't forget anything. It took Die a few minutes before he finally finished off the cigarette and then wandered inside, running his hand through his hair almost idly.

"I needed that."

He held open the door for him, smiling. Kaoru went in with him, hugging him.

"Mmmm, I know, honey."

He smiled and closed the door, locking it, smirking at Kyo and Fea going into their bedroom, following with Die in tow.

"Come on, baby, it's show time."

For whatever reason, Die looked nervous for about half a minute before he just followed along, blushing faintly. He ditched his shoes and then moved into the bedroom, settling on the floor next to the chair. Kaoru sat down in the chair, crossing his legs, a hand in Die's hair. Kyo and Fea wasted no time, Kyo hopping up on the bed and pulling Fea, still standing, between his legs, yanking him into a kiss and starting to tug at his clothes. Die let out a little groan, crossing his long legs and trying to keep his hands on his thighs and nowhere else. He focused on what was going on in front of him, chewing lightly on his lower lip.

Shirts dropped to the floor and Kyo popped the button on Fea's pants open, reaching into them and stroking the other, making him moan loudly, his own long hands molesting Kyo's thighs, working upwards and feeling at him through his jeans. Kaoru was watching them with rapt attention, finding the way they were together fascinating. Die's eyes stared at the two tangled together on the bed. He couldn't help but think how erotic it was to watch them from the very start, without them just being naked to start with.

Kyo tugged Fea up more onto the bed and leaned him back against the headboard, getting between his legs and stroking him more, taking him out of his pants, Kaoru making a soft sound at seeing the other's pale cock. Tattooed hands dipped into the back of Kyo's jeans and squeezed his ass, both of them making little sounds into their feverish kisses. Die squirmed a little on the floor and swallowed, moving his hands to clasp one another in his lap.

Kyo bit down on Fea's shoulder, making him shout, loud, moving down and stripping his lover completely, throwing his jeans and underwear at Die with a little wink and a laugh, diving back in and cover Fea's throat and collarbones with kisses. Die caught the clothing and put it in his lap, resting his hands on top of it, trying to prove he was being a good boy, though not real sure why he felt that he needed to.

Kaoru reached and took Fea's lime green briefs, unable to help himself, and put them on Die's head with a short chuckle, neither party on the bed paying any attention, Fea a mewling mess as Kyo worked his magic on him, kissing him in all the right places, his lover putty in his hands. Die smirked, rearranging the briefs on his head and then settling down again. He looked absolutely thrilled, his eyes bright while he stared at the other two, thinking it incredibly erotic.

Kyo wormed his way over to the bedside table, somehow without breaking the kiss, and dug around for lube, finding it and crawling slowly down Fea's body, kissing over his chest, suckling at little patches of his skin as he poured lube onto his fingers and started to simply rub at him. After a few more minutes, Die took the briefs off his head and fiddled with them in his lap while he peered around at what Kyo and Fea were doing, his attention quite rapt. Kaoru looked down at Die and chuckled softly, having a good view of Kyo beginning to finger Fea from his chair, the blond slipping down and kissing the tip of Fea's cock, just feathering it in kisses.

"Come sit in my lap, baby. It's a better view."

Die whined a little and then stood up. Going up to him, he gently settled in his lap and then put the clothing back in it, his hands folded on top again while he made sure he was out of Kaoru's line of sight.

Kaoru put his arms around Die, cuddling him in his lap, tugging him closer, watching as Kyo began to suck the head of Fea's cock, slowly pushing in a finger, Fea gripping his own hair and breathing hard, toes curling. It was clear Kyo knew how to get to him, the other tense and making little noises constantly. Die shivered a little bit and sucked his lower lip into his mouth to chew on it a little, trying to keep himself in line and just watch. But the more he watched, the harder it became.

Kaoru knew Die wasn't just content to simply watch, letting him squirm a while as Kyo sucked Fea off and stretched him with his long fingers, but when it was clear Kyo was nearly ready to move on to other things, he slid his hand around Die's hip and down between his legs, cupping him. Immediately Die sort of stiffened, his eyes widening. He let out a tiny sound and his cheeks went hot. Clamping his thighs closed, he whimpered a little and gently tugged on Kaoru's hand. Kaoru frowned a little, whispering softly in Die's ear,

"You don't want me to touch you?"

Die pursed his lips and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and then sighed softly, turning to whisper back to him. But he couldn't make words come out. He was just confused. He wanted to be touched, but at the same time, he knew he was supposed to be watching, not anything else. He just sort of pushed his face against Kaoru's neck and huffed out a little breath.

Kaoru hugged him, kissing his hair and not pushing anything, his eyes widening and hand tapping Die to get his attention back on the couple on their bed, Kyo crawling between Fea's long, long legs and positioning himself, ready to push in. Die finally turned his head over to look at the bed, watching as Kyo positioned himself. He shifted to sort of cling to Kaoru instead of sitting there all prim and proper. He swallowed a little and then shifted a little more on Kaoru's lap, trying to find a comfortable place that kept him from being in a position that would leave him wanting to hump the shit out of his lover.

Kaoru chuckled softly at Die before his attention was pulled back to Kyo and Fea, Fea's tattooed hands gripping onto Kyo's shoulder tightly, a high moan leaving him as Kyo pushed in, sliding home completely, leaving Fea panting and clinging to him, wrapping his long legs around the blond's back, kissing him desperately. Die let out a soft sigh and then ran his hand over his hair, rubbing it against his scalp a little bit. He peered at them again, his thighs pressing tightly together and he rubbed them a little against one another.

Flushing slightly, he ducked his head and pressed his lips to Kaoru's ear, finally whispering out, "I'm supposed to watch, not participate."

Kaoru rubbed his hair, kissing him softly.

"Oh baby... we're all friends here. Let me touch you while you watch them, please?"

Kyo and Fea were obviously none the wiser, to wrapped up in each other, Fea making gloriously loud noises under Kyo as his lover began to thrust, and hard. Die bit on his lip until the skin broke, blood seeping into his mouth. After a moment, he sucked at it and then shifted, putting Fea's pants and underpants on the floor before quietly opening his pants and moving so that Kaoru would be able to reach around him and touch him.

Kaoru let out a low chuckle, shifting a bit, as well, sliding his hand around Die's hip and down into his pants as he watched Kyo give it to Fea hard. However, it wasn't brutal the way most of the fucks they had seen between the two of them usually were. It was simply thorough. There was a tenderness to the way Kyo kissed along Fea's jaw and Fea's hands clutched to Kyo's back like he'd die if he let go. Fitting his chin over Die's shoulder, Kaoru purred at the scene, finding the ring through his lover's little cock and tugging gently. Die let out a soft cry when Kaoru tugged at his cock ring. His eyelids slipped shut for a moment while he just enjoyed it.

"Oh... oh fuck, baby," he whispered softly. "Yeah... more."

Kaoru kissed his neck, tugging a little harder before sliding his hand down further to stroke over his lover's cock. Fea's long legs came up and Kyo caught him behind the knees, pushing them apart in what looked like it should have been a painful position, but Fea seemed quite content, moaning louder, gripping Kyo's hair. Die's eyes flicked back over to the scene, moaning at the way Kyo and Fea looked. He craned his neck to watch Kyo's cock sink in and out of Fea's tight passage. His own hips moved a little, in a tiny mirror of what Kyo was doing. Kaoru wrapped his fingers around Die as best he could, jerking him off at the pace Die was setting with the little motion of his hips, his free hand rubbing against Die's stomach, holding his lover in his lap. Die's breathing increased, his hips keeping the same pace as Kyo, his eyes sort of frozen on the scene.

"Oh god," he whispered softly, "It feels so good."

Kyo kept his pace up, steadying it out, pressing close to Fea, wrapping his arms around his lover, Fea's blunt nails scraping down Kyo's back, keeping him from making any marks. Kaoru hummed, kissing at Die's ear.

"I'm glad, baby."

He jerked him off at Die's pace, wanting to go by his lover's needs, give him whatever it was he felt he needed from watching them. Squirming around a little, he finally stilled his hips, just making a little tiny thrust every once in a while. He didn't want to cum until Kyo or Fea were. It was pretty much the same way he reacted to watching porn. He always ramped himself up and then waited to finish until the other people were getting off for him to as well.

Kaoru lazily continued to stroke him, purring a little as he heard Kyo softly murmur in Fea's ear, calling him beautiful and telling him how much he loved him, Fea gripping onto him harder and answering back in rushed, breathy words that were hard to make out. Die's heart warmed at that, his lips curving up in a soft smile. After a few moments, he reached his hand up and took hold of Kaoru's shirt, whimpering a little bit.

Kaoru kissed his ear gently to calm him, though Die wasn't the only impatient one. After a few minutes of an even pace, both of them rubbing and kissing on each other, Kyo changed his angle subtly, making Fea scream, a deep, needy sound. He spit up a few things in Russian and Kyo growled something back, digging his fingernails into Fea's hips and started to fuck him faster, more savagely. The moment that the Russian started pouring from their lips, Die's arousal spiked even more. His hips just jerked harshly against Kaoru's touch while he let out little gasping cries of pleasure.

Kaoru picked up the pace again, hugging onto Die tighter, watching as Kyo leaned down and latched onto Fea's shoulder, biting him hard. The tall man beneath him _wailed_ , jerking upwards before cumming, hard, clinging to Kyo, who was still pistoning into him harshly. Immediately, Die started feeling that burning sensation inside him.

"Faster," he whispered out, his hips jerking up, his eyes on the scene while he tried to help ramp himself up even more.

Kaoru obliged, moving faster, Kyo doing the same, his pace erratic, Fea still moaning and gripping at him, looking dazed, until Kyo's ass tensed and his hips stilled, a low growl coming from him, obviously finished. Die was only a few seconds behind Kyo, his cry much louder than Kyo's, his hips arching up as he started to cum, his body sort of convulsing. Kaoru held him close, his hand only holding his cock, fondling a little as Die came. He kissed his ear, purring to him, feeling how hot his lover's body was against him own, the way his muscles tensed as he lost control. On the bed, Kyo and Fea were tangled around each other, cooing and stroking and petting, Kyo still inside the other, not ready yet to separate, though he knew he had to. Die sort of slumped against Kaoru and watched Kyo and Fea, his hand coming back to hook on the back of Kaoru's neck, rubbing at it.

"I love you, baby," he whispered.

Kaoru purred, slipping his hand out of Die's pants and craning down to kiss him, smiling against his mouth.

Kyo slowly pulled out of Fea and rolled off the bed, tugging at his lover's wrist, looking at Kaoru and Die and grunting "shower" before dragging Fea off in that direction. Die chuckled softly and then slipped off Kaoru's lap, tugging him toward the bed.

"C'mere, baby."

Kaoru gave him a little look with a grin, following him towards the freshly fucked-on mattress.

"Yeeees~~~?"

Die sort of fell down on the mattress and tugged Kaoru on top of him.

"Mmm... so... how're you feeling tonight, baby?"

Kaoru chuckled softly, laying down against Die.

"Mmm. Tired, like usual... but today has been really, really nice."

He nodded a little and smiled, rubbing over his lover's shoulders.

"I don't know if I should ask, but I have to know... earlier... did I finally do it right?"

Kaoru couldn't help but laugh softly, hugging Die tightly.

"Oh god... yes, baby. That was... so perfect."

Die smiled up at him and leaned to peck his lips.

"Finally."

He nuzzled a little and then let out a pleased sigh.

"I'm glad."

Kaoru shook his head a little, wrapping his arms around Die's neck and kissing him again.

"You should know to ignore me, anyway, baby. You're always perfect."

Die frowned a little.

"I won't ignore you or your wants or needs, baby. Not ever."

Kaoru scoot a little closer, wrapping himself octopus-like around Die.

"I hate how I've made you feel in the past... being so picky and idealistic. I feel so stupid and terrible for taking you for granted."

"I..." he wanted to argue, to tell him he was wrong, but the truth was, the past still hurt him at times. He sighed softly and then murmured, "I forgive you. And I'm glad I could finally give you what you'd been desiring, regardless of the past."

Kaoru ran his fingers through Die's hair, kissing the end of his nose.

"I adore you, more than anything in the world, you know that?"

"And I you," he purred out, his hands sliding down those tattooed arms. "You're my gorgeous, baby, and you always will be."

Kaoru purred happily, nuzzling Die closer, holding onto him for a few long moments. After a while, he pulled back.

"Help me change the sheets?"

Die nodded, shifting out from under him and then going to get the new sheets.

"I'm glad they could have some time together."

Kaoru gave a little hum, nodding as he put the pillows on the floor and stripped the bed.

"I feel so bad for Kyo. I can't imagine having to hide you, and I know he really, truly loves Fea."

Die made a little face.

"Yeah... that's why I'm making sure to try to give this label guy I know from the bar his info. Maybe he can find someone who won't make him hide Fea to represent him."

He immediately started to put the sheets back on once Kaoru had removed the others.

"I hope it works out for him."

Kaoru pulled the fitted sheet over the corners on his side and then picked up the dirty sheets, kissing Die's cheek as he carried them out towards the laundry.

"You're such an amazing friend to him."

Die offered a sad little smile.

"I try."

He put the pillows back and then pulled down the second blanket, having been a bit chilly lately when he slept. He put it over the bed and then padded after Kaoru. Stuffing the sheets into the washer, he added some detergent and started the cycle, turning and hugging Die's tiny waist.

"Would you go let Mako in? I'll put some food and water down."

"Sure thing."

He grabbed his ass a little and then moved off to go let Mako inside, the puppy bounding around excitedly, wanting to play with Die. Kaoru smiled at them, putting Makoto's water bowl down, giving a little stretch and grabbing his mango juice from the fridge, pouring some and taking his pain medication, starting to get a rather intense headache. He had figured out a routine, however, and anymore, the pain, like before, was just a part of it.Die went to grab his candy bar and soda, going to settle on the couch, crossing his legs indian-style before he opened the wrapper and bit into it with a groan. Kaoru cooed at Makoto, neglected for chocolate and sad about it, putting his ears forward and looking at Die from the floor, whining. Kaoru's heart broke a little and he sat down on the floor, tapping the tiles.

"Aaaaw, Mako, leave Daddy to his chocolate. C'mere!"

Die pouted at the pup.

"Mako, baby, eat and then I'll play."

He took another huge bite and started to open his soda. Makoto trotted over to Kaoru, instead, sitting in the other's lap and still giving Die huge sad eyes. Kaoru pouted, too, the dog's face both sad and adorable.

"Look at him! Aaaaw!"

He hugged the pup and pet him lovingly.

"He feels like Daddy doesn't love him!"

Die whined and stuffed in another bite, almost completely done with it.

"Gimme a minute," he let out around the bite.

Kaoru kissed the top of Makoto's head, picking him up and low-tossing him towards his food, making him skitter and prance a bit to catch himself, but he caught the hint, going and eating a little.

"You're gonna make him choke, sweetie, eat."

Die chewed and swallowed that bite, chuckling at the fact that Mako took the hint and ate after that. He finished off his candy bar in two more bites and then downed some soda. Recapping it and moving to the floor, he waited on the pup to be done. Kaoru stretched out his toes, reaching Die's foot and playing with it, grinning at him, both Fea and Kyo coming out of the bathroom, dressed, looking at them funnily for being on the floor. Die grinned at his lover and wriggled his toes back against him. A few more minutes passed and then Mako came trotting back over and Die pulled him into his lap and ruffled his ears.

"Aren't you cuteeeee?"

Kaoru laid on the floor, reaching towards Makoto's little toy basket, not able to reach it. He pointed at Kyo.

"You! Hand me his caterpillar."

Die made kissy faces at the puppy, flying his ears around.

"Super doooog!"

Mako sort of slobbered on him and made excited little leaps in his lap.

Fea was laughing loudly, highly amused by Die's interaction with the little dog, getting doted on like a little puppy, even though he was the size of a small beagle by now. Kyo shook his head at Kaoru, and found the stuffed caterpillar toy, handing it to Kaoru, who sat back up with a little groan and wriggled the toy around, squeaking it.

"Maaaaakoooooo~~~~"

Die omphed, letting go of Mako's ears when the pup pushed off him and rushed to Kaoru, more excited about the stuffed thing to chew on than about having his ears wiggled.

Kaoru laughed, playing tug of war with him with the caterpillar, Kyo and Fea sitting down in the floor, as well, giggling at Makoto growling savagely as he tugged the toy, then panted and wagged his tail when he let go only to start barking and growling like a mean dog again as he grabbed the butt end of the toy. Die watched in pure amusement. Smirking a little bit, he moved to lean a little on Fea's side, his eyes darting from Mako to Kaoru and back again, over and over.

Fea leaned back on Die, watching them, a little sleepy but feeling content. Kaoru wrestled away the caterpillar from Makoto and tossed it at Kyo, making the little dog start running, having to run in place on the hardwood for a moment before getting traction and bolting after the toy, diving into Kyo's lap. Die let out a choked laugh and snorted sightly.

"Mmm... better watch it, Kyo!"

Kyo growled, getting on his hands and knees, picking up the toy and getting in Makoto's face, growling at him and shaking the toy. Makoto started barking his head off, excited as hell, grabbing the toy and fighting Kyo for it. Fea nearly fell over on top of Die laughing. Die started cackling, tears streaming down his face while he watched the scene unfold in front of him.

"O-oh god!" he let out, his laughter verging closer and closer to the laugh that was more of an orgasm sound than a laugh.

Kaoru giggled, watching Kyo roll onto his back and pull Makoto up onto his stomach, petting him while Makoto just chewed on one of the stuffed feet of the toy. The blond smiled, nuzzling the little dog.

"I'm going to miss being around you guys. It's so... normal here. No fame, no agents, no shows, no fans. Just normal. I love it."

Die managed to calm himself, just smiling and holding onto Fea's waist, his eyes sparkling bright.

"I still think if you guys get a place together, it should be near here."

Fea winced a little and Kyo gave Die a funny look.

"Get a place near here? What do you mean?"

"You know, like near here. It doesn't have to be _here_ exactly, but near here somewhere. A few hours’ drive or something. It'd be so nice."

He gave a little shrug, completely oblivious as to what exactly the problem was. Kyo still looked confused, looking at Fea for answers. The other was shaking, not mad at Die, but still quite nervous. Looking at a blank spot on the floor, he shrugged a little.

"Aaah... I had sort of mentioned to Die a while ago that... after this tour... I wanted to ask you if you wanted... well, to live together."

He eyes flicked over to Kyo nervously, then back to the floor. Kyo froze, looking shocked, his eyes huge. He sat up a little, staring at Fea.

"Are you serious?"

Fea only nodded. Kyo blinked at him a little ore, stunned, before grabbing at him, pulling him down into a kiss.

"Yeah! Fucking duh!"

Die made a little confused sound and then blushed. He had forgotten that Kyo didn't know yet and here he was opening his mouth about it. But then Kyo didn't look horrified, in fact he looked thrilled and Die managed to smile a little, though still looking rather awkward.

"I um... I sort of forgot he didn't know. I'm sorry, man," he murmured to Fea.

Fea hugged onto Kyo, rocking him back and forth, looking extremely happy. Not letting go of his lover, he looked at Die, shaking his head.

"No, no. I probably would have pussied out if you hadn't slipped up."

Die smiled softly and shrugged.

"Apparently my specialty, give people extra balls."

He laughed softly.

Kyo was nuzzling on Fea something terrible, making little noises of happiness, Fea rubbing his back and tucking his arms around him tightly.

"I want us to have a place we can come to together when we're free... just for us, you know?"

Kyo nodded, squeezing him harder. Die shifted over to Kaoru and held onto him, watching them with a happy look on his face.

"Adorable."

Kaoru smiled, nodding his agreement. Kyo shifted and straddled Fea's lap to hug him better, petting his hair.

"I do think here would be nice. It's quiet, it's around friends, it isn't some big city..."

Fea just nodded, kissing Kyo's neck. Die's smile grew larger and he reached to pick up his soda, opening it and taking a swig. He couldn't even begin to express how happy it would make him for Fea and Kyo to live near them on their down time. After a long moment of cuddling, they finally pulled apart, Kyo plopping down on the floor beside Fea, looking flushed and happy. He smiled at Kaoru and Die, blushing.

"Uh... if any houses open up around here, let us know?"

Kaoru laughed and nodded. Die cleared his throat.

"How close are we talking? There's a new loft complex going up next to the bar."

Fea and Kyo looked at each other for a minute, shrugging. Fea licked his lips.

"I was thinking more a house, but, a loft wouldn't be bad."

Die nodded a little.

"I'll send you the info on it and then see what else we can find."

He rubbed Kaoru's head a little.

"Give you something to do, yes?!"

Kaoru chuckled.

"Finally, something to keep me from being bored."

Die grinned.

"There's a pretty ritzy community over near Goldenrod. Maybe they have something up for sale?"

Kyo nodded, leaning into Fea's side.

"We'll look into it. Honestly, I really love this neighborhood. Being walking distance from you two would be amazing. But we'll see."

He smiled, nuzzling his lover's arm. Die's eyes sparkled brightly and he licked his lips a little before yawning.

"Mmm... that would be utterly and entirely amazing."

Kaoru kissed Die's cheek.

"Tired, honey?"

Fea stretched, petting Makoto, who had pranced off and was coming back to be loved on.

"We should probably head out, honestly. I guess I should call a cab."

Die pouted a little bit.

"Let me drive you back... please."

He frowned a little bit. Kyo gave him a face.

"It's like a two hour commute! You're already sleepy. It's no big deal for us to just take a cab."

"I'm not that tired, just a tiny bit. I just want to be with you guys as long as possible."

Kyo sighed, getting up and going to grab both he and Fea's backpacks. Kaoru stood up and hugged both of them.

"I doubt I'd make it. I'm really tired, guys. It was so good seeing you both again."

It was in that moment that Die was torn. He couldn't possibly leave Kaoru at home alone, but he didn't want to leave his friends either. But the truth was, he knew what he had to do. Shuffling off to the kitchen, he found the phone book and started flipping through for a cab.

Kaoru gave him a look, heading into the kitchen and quietly asking Die, "Honey, what are you doing? I'll be fine, I'm just going to bed."

Die shook his head a little.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Kaoru. I promised I wouldn't and I mean to keep that."

Kaoru frowned.

"Then I'll come. I'll probably fall asleep, though."

Die quite honestly looked distressed. He had no idea what exactly to do now. He didn't want to make Kaoru have to leave if he was tired and he didn't want to leave him alone. He just sighed and then frowned softly.

"I'll just call a cab, that's all."

Kaoru sighed, nodding, kissing his forehead.

"OK... I'm going to go ahead and get ready for bed."

Kyo watched Kaoru go and frowned at Die, not sure what to say. Die carefully started flipping through the book again, trying to figure out which cab wouldn't cost a fortune but wouldn't be shady. The problem was, he wasn't all that cab experienced. Kyo gave Die a little look, smirking, taking the phone book from him and finding a number, calling and giving the address for pick-up, being told a car would be over in about thirty minutes. He hugged Die tightly.  Die looked a bit sheepish.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not experienced with cabs, that's all."

"Want to go sit on the porch while we wait?"

He sighed softly and then nodded, gesturing a bit toward the porch.

"Sure."

Fea and Kyo head out, sitting down on the steps, digging out cigarettes. Kyo pat the porch beside him, waiting on Die. It felt good outside this time of night, not quite completely dark, and still a bit warm.

"I'm gonna miss you, you know."

Die came to sit next to him, just wrapping his arms around his own legs and sighing softly.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you guys, too... trust me.”

Kyo reached out and pushed some of Die's hair back, frowning at him.

"You call me whenever you want to talk?"

Die gave him a tiny smile.

"I just hate always feeling like I'm bitching to you, you know?"

Kyo laughed, shaking his head.

"It's what friends are for."

He hugged Die tightly, Fea reaching to ruffle his red hair. Die closed his eyes and leaned into the hug, hugging him back tightly in return.

"I adore you guys."

Fea smiled.

"We love you, too, mate."

Kyo nodded his agreement, nuzzling Die's shoulder.

"And Kaoru. We're always here for both of you, OK?"

He stayed hugging Kyo for a long moment before pulling back, wiping his eyes a little bit from tearing up. Kyo pouted, reaching out to wipe a tear away from Die's cheek.

"I promise, I'll be back soon. I'm really worried about Kaoru, and you need somebody around to keep you afloat, OK?"

Die sighed softly and then smiled a bit.

"You better be. I need you guys."

He reached to squeeze Fea's hand a little bit. They both gave him sad smiles, smoking quietly. Fea reached and squeezed the back of Die's neck.

"You've been washing your hands a lot, yeah?" he asked. "His immune system should be pretty rock bottom about now. It sucks, but you've got to be really careful. Even a cold could be seriously bad news."

Die looked a little bit horrified. He stared down at his hands and then murmured, "I didn't even think about it. I just knew I needed to not give him anything. But... I..." he winced a bit, "I think maybe I should get some germ killing stuff, yeah?"

Fea nodded.

"Yeah. You've got to be hyper-aware of it. Don't go crazy, but just keep some sanitizer around and try not to let him around crowds too much, honestly... definitely no blatantly sticking him around sick people. It's awful to keep them bottled up like that, but... it's just the way things are."

Die nodded.

"So since I work in the environment I do, I should probably make sure to wash once I come home before I see him. Like... entirely, yeah?"

Fea shrugged.

"That might be a little extreme, but, not such a bad idea, I guess. And if he hasn't been doing it already, make sure he wears a surgical mask when he goes for treatment. Hospitals are respiratory infections waiting to happen."

Die pulled out his phone and wrote an email to himself about all the ideas, a determined look on his face. Fea squeezed the back of Die's neck again, massaging it.

"You'll get through this. Whatever happens, we'll be here for you, OK?"

"I know, and I appreciate that so much, you have no idea."

He reached for both of them, drawing them into a hug.

"Or maybe you do..." he let out a soft laugh.

Both of them hugged him back, chiming in, "We do."

Pulling away, Kyo put his hand on Die's knee, squeezing it affectionately.

"I fucking mean it, don't hesitate a second to call me if you need _anything_ , OK?"

Die nodded a little and then in a quiet voice asked, "Even if it's just that I need someone to talk me away from a drink?"

Kyo nodded, rubbing his leg.

"Especially if it's that."

Die slid between them and pushed his hands into each of their hairs and pulled them closer, his eyes closed for a long moment, just wanting to be loved on for a moment.

"I miss you guys like _shit_ when you're not there."

Both of them cooed and cuddled on him, nuzzling either cheek. Kyo kissed it and frowned.

"With some luck, we'll be closer kind of soon, OK? And you know if anything really urgent happened, I'd do anything I could to come be with you, yeah?"

Die swallowed hard, trying not to cry again. He just gave a little nod. He'd take that to heart, hoping that nothing really urgent was going to happen anytime soon. Both of them kept hugging on Die, leaning on him and giving him their affection. Kyo was teary like always when they parted, rubbing his arm.

"...I hate it when you're so sad."

He couldn't say it, but he thought it quite clearly.

_I hate it when I feel like I'm losing my two best friends each time you have to go._

Both of them frowned, not sure what to say to that, just loving on him. When the cab pulled up, Fea stood first, kissing Die's forehead.

"I'll see you, mate, alright?"

Die stood up with them and clung to Kyo for a long moment, murmuring, "Bye," to Fea.

He smiled and head off to get in the cab, having to explain to the driver where they were going and pay some up front for such a long trip. Kyo stood next, frowning down at Die.

"You know I'm coming back..."

Die burrowed against him and then whispered, "I know, but it feels that way anyway. I can't help it."

Kyo gave him a tight squeeze.

"It's OK, buddy. You know I'm always only a phone call away."

He pulled back and pat Die's cheek.

"Go cuddle with Kaoru. I'll talk to you soon, alright?"

"Until next time, okay?"

He squeezed him harder for a moment before letting go and wiping his cheek of the tears now trailing down it.

"Call me when you guys get back to the bus. I want to know you got there alright, okay?"

Kyo nodded, giving him a little two fingered salute, stepping back a bit and then turning, going up the cab and getting in, driving off. Die watched them leave and then moved back toward the door. Something glinted on the porch and he leaned down, picking up a yen coin, giving it an odd look and then looking off toward the departing cab. He tucked the coin into his pocket, assuming Kyo had accidentally dropped it, and then headed back inside. He locked up the house entirely, turned on the fan in the kitchen and then let Mako out and in again before heading to the bedroom.

Kaoru was laying on his side, passed out asleep with his book in front of him, glasses skewed on his nose, his bedside lamp still on. Die reached over him and took his glasses off carefully, putting them away and then marking his book and putting it on the nightstand as well. He then went about doing as he always did and set up the trash can for Kaoru, making sure to put out a spare towel in the bathroom when he went to brush his teeth and wash his face. He moisturized his face and hands, then stripped down and emptied his pockets on the dresser. Making sure to put his packer in the drawer, he settled down on the bed and turned off the last light, curling up next to Kaoru and tucking one slim arm around him.

 

 

**To Be Continued…**


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven

The rest of the tour went by smoothly for Kyo and Fea, both texting and calling to check in and keep up with Kaoru and Die. Kaoru had had a day of chemo added to his week on of treatment, and was going from bloated to thin, but he didn't, thankfully, feel much worse for it. Nearly two months after Kyo and Fea's short visit, Kyo was ringing Die's phone off the hook around 11 in the morning, calling and calling until he got an answer. The third call, Die finally rolled over and snatched the phone up from its vibrating on the nightstand, flipping it open as he stumbled out of the room and off toward the living room so he didn't disturb Kaoru. He closed the bedroom door behind himself and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked groggily, not having actually read the screen before he answered the phone.

Kyo sounded like he had been running, which he nearly had, and agitated.

"Hey. I'm in Chicago, I'm about to board my flight. I'll be at your place in an hour or two."

Die's eyes widened at the mere sound of Kyo's voice. It'd been a few weeks since they'd even talked, Die having been trying to keep himself alright on his own with the alcoholism. And he thankfully hadn't needed to be talked away from a drink in the past two weeks, though the first few had been rough as hell for him.

"O-okay," he let out, his brows knitting tightly together. "Is everything okay?"

Kyo grit his teeth, standing off from the line boarding his plane to finish his call.

"No," he hissed, trying to keep quiet. "Look, I can't explain right now. If you want to know, go look at any of my so-called "fan" sites. I'll see you in a little while."

He hung up angrily and shoved his phone into his pocket, trying to calm down before boarding so he didn't look like a suspicious crazy person, which he pulled off pretty well, anyway.

Die pulled the phone back from his ear when he heard the line disconnect and he stared at the phone for a full minute before heading to the bathroom, quickly doing his morning activities and then rushing to go turn on his laptop and then slip into the bedroom to get on reasonable clothing so he could pick Kyo up at the airport. Slipping back out without waking Kaoru, he moved to his office and entered his password, waiting on it to boot up. He quickly opened the browser and then opened two of the top fan sites for Kyo that he knew of. One was a forum, the other was just a straight up informational site.

He checked the informational site first, which hadn't been updated for about a week and yielded nothing that Die could possibly find to be an issue. He shut the site and then navigated his way through the forum and into the 'latest down the tubes' area. Immediately he saw what the problem was, and his blood boiled with something between rage and panic.

There were three topics, the first proclaiming Kyo to be gay, the second labeled only as EVIDENCE, and the third was a 'how do you feel about this' thread. He opened the first and read the rumors of Kyo and the vocalist of 'that other band' he'd been on tour with hooking up. The second then supplied a photograph of them in Rome, kissing one another. His hand came to his mouth, covering it shakily as he scrolled down the accusations, each of them worse than the one before it, some of them hitting more accuracy than they could possibly know. And finally, the third thread, in which Die utterly and entirely lost his shit. The first few messages were more of a 'haha, he's gay' kind of tone, then a few from a couple of people thinking it was okay or 'awesome'. But it was the vast majority of the messages that made him lose it. They labeled him as 'unprofessional' or 'a sinner', and some just proclaimed him to be a total bastard and a slut. And then came the messages that brought the tears to Die's eyes; tears of pure and utter anger. Dirty. A failure as a musician. Messages telling the world they would never support his 'faggot ass' ever again.

Angry, Die signed in under his username, one he rarely if ever used these days, though he'd once been known as one of the most active on the forum. He typed for almost twenty minutes before posting up his entry and then slamming his laptop shut. Perhaps the most notable of everything he typed was one particular passage, though all of it came out in about the same tone.

_Listen up, you fuck-headed retards. (If you think that was directed at you, then you're goddamn right it was.) You need to get your heads out of your assholes and wake up to the reality of the world. Kyo is capable of a world of love and generosity and kindness. He's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet in your entire life. Those of you with the honor of having met him before should know that. He'd go out on a limb for you if he thought you needed it and he'd give you the very shirt off his back if that's what the situation called for. And what? This bullshit is how you repay him? You spread things that you **know** could kill his career? You've all said it right up there, talked about the label and their bullshit policies on things. And yet, this is still here? It's still being spread around? And to think...now you're all condemning him for his love of another person? What happened to being happy for him? To supporting him no matter what he does? You all swore it, each and every one of you complaining assholes said it somewhere at some point and I've personally **seen** it. And now you back out of it. You call him unprofessional because he's in a relationship? Well... just fucking great. I supposed that makes each of you who has ever had a significant other or even a one night stand a sinner and unprofessional as well, then doesn't it? And to that logic, I have only one thing to say. And that is, goodbye. Once a fan. Always a fan. I'll support him to the bitter end. And each and every one of you who will not can just go rot in that special hell that's reserved for liars, assholes, and trouble-makers. Have a wonderful fucking life, and stay the HELL out of his. Fuck you all._

The part that he'd done other than that was dig up every single one of the complainers promises to be good, life-long fans and support Kyo no matter what. He'd posted each with a direct quote from the original threads and then posted it all, signing off just after.

Shoving back from his desk, he stormed out of the room, tears still cascading down his cheeks. He went to the bedroom and came in, shaking Kaoru awake as gently as he could right then.

"Kaoru. I need you to wake up," he croaked out.

Kaoru moaned, looking at Die through bleary eyes, his head pounding. He put a hand over his eyes, the lighting hurting him just then. "Mmm... Daisuke? What is it?"

"It's Kyo. They found out. The fans found out about him and Fea and it's everywhere on the fansites. He's already in Chicago, coming this way."

He curled up next to Kaoru and let out a sob.

"They're being such assholes about it! I thought they'd be nice, that they wouldn't care, but t-they do!"

He practically wailed all of it out at Kaoru. Kaoru's head was throbbing and he was still mostly asleep, just wrapping his arms around Die and trying to will away his headache.

"Bunny-bear... honey... calm down."

He stroked Die's back, nuzzling him, keeping his eyes closed to stop the stabbing pains behind them.

"He's coming here?"

Die burrowed against him and just quietly shook and sobbed against him for a while, nodding a little at the question, trying to let out a yes, but only managing to make a stuffed-up whining sound instead. Kaoru held onto him, knowing through the haze of sleep and pain that Die was very upset, wanting to soothe him.

"Baby... oh, honey, calm down."

It took him a good few minutes before he managed to get most of it out and then sat up, wiping at his eyes and then blowing his nose.

"I can't believe these idiots."

He then peered at Kaoru and saw the look of pain on his face.

"Oh, hunny, do you need something?" he asked softly, feeling bad he'd been sobbing on him while he was in pain.

Kaoru frowned, squeezing Die's hand.

"Water. And my pain killers."

Die bolted up and went to go get them and a glass of filtered water. Coming back with both, he gave them to Kaoru and settled down next to him again. Kaoru snapped the pills in half to make them work faster, sitting up and taking them, gulping down the whole glass of water. Setting it down, he rubbed his temples, little bruises on his arms from small bumps. He'd been getting more and more anemic. Feeling a touch better just from hydration, he looked at Die.

"Now... explain this to me again? Kyo and Fea got found out?"

Die watched him, frowning a little.

"Yeah," he sniffed slightly. "Someone got a picture of them, it looks like it was from Rome. They were kissing and the whole fandom just went ape-shit... in the bad kind

of way."

Kaoru's eyes went wide.

"Holy fuck..."

He shook his head, then regretted it, moaning a little.

"That's crazy. God, Kyo could lose his contract!"

"Yeah... and the worst part is, the forum was talking about that and think he deserves it for being a 'faggot'."

He used air quotes around the word and looked pissed off again almost instantly. Kaoru made a face, appalled.

"What the fuck?! Seriously?! What a bunch of fuckers!"

He nodded a little and wiped away a few stray tears.

"Yeah... they all suck. I told them off. I'm just really worried about why Kyo's coming out here. I worry why Fea's not with him, what's going on, a lot of things. He wouldn't talk long, just called to tell me he was in Chicago and was headed this way, told me to look on the fansites and then hung up."

Kaoru reached out and cuddled Die again, kissing his head.

"Calm down. He's probably just really in need of someone to cry on right now. Don't think the worst, alright?"

Die nodded a little and moped up his face again.

"God I hope it's not the worst."

He reached to hug Kaoru a little.

"I'm going to make strawberry waffles and scrambled eggs. He should be here in about an hour. I think it would be nice to have food for him since he's been on a long flight. You want anything else?"

Kaoru groaned a little at the thought of food.

"Let me go have my morning throw-up and a shower, then I'll think about food, OK?"

He gave a little chuckle, at least able to joke about it, carefully getting up from the bed.

"I swear, I feel like a pregnant woman."

Die winced a little, but nodded. He kissed Kaoru's cheek gently and then got up, going to let Mako out and then going about getting all the ingredients for waffles down from the shelves and out of the fridge.

Kaoru went off into the bathroom and slumped over the sink until he felt his morning nausea pass. It was always in the morning, for some reason, or most mornings, and would go away as he woke up more, or drank water. Sometimes he would throw up. Brushing his teeth, he took a quick shower and came back out dressed in fresh clothes, going to pour himself a big glass of orange juice, kissing Die's shoulder. He'd wrapped a scarf around his head, hating how he looked bald, only reminding himself how sick he was. He checked his phone and sighed a little, finding a message from Kyo.

_In the cab, ten minutes away._

"He's almost here."

Die was almost entirely done with the meal, the waffles made and sitting out on plates, the eggs almost completely cooked. He quickly put Mako out and then put the eggs onto the three plates before pouring three glasses of milk and two smaller ones of orange juice. After a few minutes, he was done, and putting the finishing touches on the waffles, little spurts of whipped cream on the corner and sliced up strawberries still on the stem to make it pretty.

The cab pulled up and Makoto started barking from the yard. Kyo headed down the steps into the front yard and up the steps of the porch, knocking on the door, looking haggard and jet-lagged and pale, carrying a big army-style duffel over his shoulder. Die bolted for the front door, yanking it open and then practically pulling Kyo inside, taking his bag and putting it aside before folding him in his arms, just holding him tight for a long moment. Kyo made a surprised noise and being drug in the house and grabbed, but it didn't take long for Die's arms around him to let him crumble, sobbing loudly, clutching at Die. Die sort of sank down on the floor with him and cradled him close, rocking him gently.

"I'm so sorry, Kyo. You don't deserve this."

Kyo cried himself out for a while, letting Die coddle him.

After a while, he pulled himself together, only to harden off and stand, pulling Die up with him, saying in a rather detached voice, "The label terminated my contract this morning."

Die sucked in a breath, his eyes widening.

"Oh god."

He looked absolutely crushed, tears welling up.

"I... oh, Kyo."

He shook his head, staring at the floor. Kaoru lurked back in the parlor, biting at his lip. Kyo just sighed, heavily.

"It was... so fucking perfect. After the tour, Fea and I went back to our separate homes, and he wanted us to meet in Rome to be together awhile."

He looked up, tears streaking down his face.

"It was... so perfect. We just left yesterday morning. And the last three days have been so, so amazing. I can't even describe, it's like... everything we've been feeling around us, all the stuff we weren't sure about, something in Rome, about that city, with us in it, it made us sure. I looked at him and knew he was a soul mate, and knew I could spend the rest of my life with him."

His breath hitched.

"This fucking trip was so amazing. The best few days of my life, I swear to fucking god... and some _asshole_ took a few pictures, and ruined all of it."

Die looked distraught.

"Just... just tell me you're still together."

He reached to take Kyo's arms, holding his biceps and looking into his eyes.

"Please."

Kyo looked shocked, blinking rapidly.

"Y-yeah! Yes! Of course!"

He seemed hurt just to think of not being with Fea.

"I haven't even told him yet... I know he knows something is wrong, he can feel it. But I haven't had the heart to tell him. He'll feel guilty, and it's not his fault."

Die pulled him closer and held him there for a moment.

"Good. Then the rest we can fix."

He ruffled his hair and then slid an arm around his waist, pulling him toward the kitchen.

"Come on. I made you food."

Kyo pushed his hands through his hair, looking worn out, going into the kitchen with a soft "thank you" and climbing up into one of the bar stools, looking at the food with a little smile. Die followed him in and then sat next to him, ruffling his hair a little.

"I um... sort of bit their heads off, by the way."

Kyo started cutting up his waffles, still crying just a little.

"What, my traitor fans? Good. I plan on doing that soon, too. Fucking hypocrites..." Kaoru frowned and kissed Kyo's cheek, taking his own plate and sitting down at the table.

"Yeah, them," Die let out a little sneer and then sighed.

“I have to wonder if they're giving Fea the same shit or not."

He sighed and reached to run his hand over Kyo's back in as calming of a way as possible. Kyo bristled at the thought.

"I would seriously go fucking psycho if they did. It's one thing to give me shit, don't fuck with the people I love."

Die patted him and gestured at the food.

"Eat, calm down, and then I have a damn good plan. You're coming to work with me tonight. I only work two hours, but you're going. Is that clear?"

Kyo pouted, but gave a nod, eating. After he'd finished his waffles, he looked over at Kaoru, who was reading a magazine and eating quietly by himself.

"Kaoru, can I use some of the photos you took of me and Fea?"

Kaoru blinked.

"For what?"

Kyo made a little face, looking rather peeved and also pleased with himself.

"I want to put them in that fucking ‘Evidence’ file they've got going, along with _my_ pictures of Fea and me in Rome. They can all kiss my ass, see if I'm going to try and deny that shit or cover it up. No fucking way. Now that it's out there, I'm not going to act like I'm shy about it, especially if they want to be fuckholes."

Die's lips curved up a little bit as he ate his eggs and waffles, watching how Kyo was reacting to this. Somehow it amused him, and he was glad at least he wasn't going to try to bury himself under everything. He could only hope that his plan was actually going to work out tonight.

Kaoru nodded and finished his food, putting the plate in the sink and going to start up his laptop in the office, digging up the photos for Kyo to go through and choose some from. Kyo finished most of his breakfast as well, going to wash his and Kaoru's plates, needing something mundane to distract himself for a moment. Die took a little longer, finally finishing and then carting their cups and his plate to the sink, putting them down for Kyo and then taking the dish towel to dry them as they were finished. Kyo leaned on him a little, washing everything and then hugging Die around his waist.

"Can I use you laptop? And will you sit in there with me while I lay a smack down on the Internet?"

Die dried the last dish and then hugged him back.

"Only if you let me kick their asses right along with you."

He kissed his head and ran his fingers through that blonde hair. Kyo made a little purring noise.

"I thought you already did? Come on..."

"Oh... not nearly enough. I had no idea it had lost you your contract. Now they're really gonna get my wrath."

Kyo went into the office, leaning over Kaoru and looking through the photos of he and Fea from their time there a couple months ago, smiling sadly. He loved those pictures so much and to think now he would have to use them as weapons to defend himself made his chest ache. He picked two, one of just their fingers intertwined, and another of them in a deep kiss, then went to dig around in his bag for his camera so that he could add his own photos from Rome. Die pursed his lips a little and followed Kyo in, sitting down and tugging up the third chair. He opened his laptop, signed in, and then pushed it over to Kyo while it started up.

Kyo scoot up to it, thanking Die softly while Kaoru put the photos onto a flash drive and Kyo dug his memory card out of his camera. When the computer pulled up, the forum was already pulled up, on Die's long, angry post. Kyo blinked, leaning to read it, eyes scanning, laughing and little, then loudly, shaking his head.

"God... you're the best fucking friend ever."

Die winced a bit when Kyo saw his post. But his reaction told him a lot. He sighed softly and gave him a lopsided smile.

"Hey, I defend in all ways possible. I was livid, trust me."

Kyo smiled, logging out of Die's account, and into his own. His account name was innocuous enough, UglyUmbrellaThief, three of his song titles mashed together, and he honestly used it quite a lot, or had, in previous years. He liked to keep an eye on his fans and occasionally fuck with them a little, dropping hints at upcoming events like they were just rumors and sometimes being an asshole on purpose behind the mask of Internet anonymity. Taking the flash drive, he got busy uploading the two photos from Kaoru, and then finding three more from Rome, one of them together at the Vatican, hugging onto each other in front of St. Peter's square, all smiles, another of Fea kissing Kyo's cheek at a cafe, taken by Fea with his arm outstretched, and the last of Kyo curled up against Fea's chest, kissing him softly, also taken by extended arm, both of them in bed. He added all five photos to the post and at the bottom wrote:

 _Is this evidence enough for you? I'm not singing, I'm not playing, I'm not performing, I'm not recording, this isn't a signing event or a VIP meet and greet. This is my life. My actual life. I'm sorry if it's not pleasing to you. I'm also sorry if you don't get the massive amounts of sarcasm in that statement. I have **always** been true to myself, except for this, because I was young and stupid and thought I'd be OK with hiding and signed my contract. Yes, it was in paper. One of the terms of my employment was to not ever be publicly open about my sexuality, especially not about the fact that that sexuality preferred men. Well I do. And guess what else? Now I don't have a contract. Sunburst terminated my contract this morning, which means that the new album is, until further notice, no longer going to be finished, much less released. I also have no further claim to royalties, seeing as this, being "caught" with Fea is a breach of my contract. My career is probably over. But you know what? Fuck it. At least I still have an amazing boyfriend_.

Posting, he rubbed his hands over his face with a groan.

"Fuck... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. That, _that_ was unprofessional. I don't even give a fuck anymore though."

Quickly, he leaned forward, and added a quick reply to his own post.

 _PS: To all of you who are still fans and support me, please accept this from the bottom of my heart; THANK YOU. You mean so much to me, and I will try my best to keep you posted on what will happen for here. Please forgive this interruption of my activity_.

Die stared at the username, having recalled it being in threads before, his eyebrows arched while he stared at the replies that Kyo was posting. Once he was entirely done, he reached over and tugged him closer, giving him a huge hug.

"Are you on any of the other forums?" he asked quietly. "Want to just copy/paste it or think it'll spread itself?"

Kyo hugged him back.

"Oh, it will spread. I'm sure of it."

Rubbing Die's back, he then looked at the computer, Kaoru shaking his head, not believing what was going on, appalled that fans would abandon him like that, and that the label would kick him to the curb. Biting his lip, Kyo Googled Janni Savv and found a fan forum for Fea's band as well, skimming through and giving a groan, pulling up a topic labeled "FEA'S BOYFRIEND!". The first post was, of course, the same photos, with an attached message that was thankfully much kinder than those by his own fans. _I'm sure you're all familiar with Kyo now from the last tour and I found these photos today on a fan forum for him. They're so cute together!_

He smiled and kept scrolling, knowing it was dumb to be seeking this stuff out, but unable to help himself. For at least twenty posts, the comments were supportive and funny, but then it began to get a bit meaner. When he read over a comment referring to himself as "some tiny Chinese guy", he gave up and closed the sight with a scoff, shaking his head.

"Fuck my life," he muttered out, leaning back in Die's chair.

Kaoru gave him a pout and rolled his own chair behind Kyo's, rubbing his shoulders. Die reached to run his hand down Kyo's cheek.

"We'll figure this out. That much I promise you."

He tucked some hair behind his ear.

"Tell me that you're allowed to have your music that wasn't released yet, at least."

Kyo gave Die a look, shaking his head.

"All that material is owned by the label, it's how things work. I sold my publisher the rights when I decided to record the songs. I don't own anything I've ever written... I could buy it all back, or at least this album, but I doubt they'd sell to me, and it would completely tap me out."

Die looked somehow enraged by that.

"I cannot believe these assholes," he bit out.

Sighing, he pushed his hand through his hair and tugged on it lightly. Rage danced in his eyes and he gritted his teeth.

"I can't believe some idiot fan just ruined everything."

Kyo shook his head with a sigh.

"Who knows what happened... I like to think whoever did it posted the photos out of ignorance and not with malicious intent, but... you never know."

Die sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And to think, all this time and I haven't added you on Facebook, I haven't posted even a single photo of us even being chummy, and some random person stumbles in and," his hands flailed out, "poof!"

Kyo laughed loudly at him, amused by Die's reactions to all of this. He smiled softly and stood up, hugging him.

"Well, now you can. I don't give a fuck anymore. I've officially stopped giving any fucks. The fuck-giving factory has been closed down. Not a single fuck was given!"

He shook his head at himself, starting to lose it he was still so mad, but trying to work it out, going out onto the porch with no announcement and lighting a cigarette. Die hugged him back a bit and then wandered out after him after giving Kaoru a sort of forlorn look. He came out and settled on the side of the railing next to Kyo.

"So I go in at seven."

Kyo nodded, raking a hand through his hair.

"Gonna get me wasted?" he asked, then frowned. "Sorry..."

He reached to tug on a bit of his hair and then gave him a little lopsided smile.

"Um... not entirely, but you can have the shots the customers insist on buying me so I don't have to pour them down the drain."

Kyo gave a little smirk.

"So you're doing well with this? I'm really proud of you."

"I'm trying really hard. Some nights there's a problem with a customer and I can't just say no. So I've had maybe... ten drinks since... you know. But never more than two shots in a night, and that was just one night."

He sighed and pulled out his cigarettes, taking the last one out.

"I guess I was just... on a thin limb."

Kyo gave him a sad smile and hugged him around the waist.

"I'm glad it didn't get too far."

Die pushed his cigarette between his lips and then pushed his hands into Kyo's hair, staring into his eyes.

"I can't ever make it up to you, but I can try."

Kyo frowned a little.

"Don't say that. You don't have to make anything up to me."

He shook his head a little bit, pulling his cigarette from between his lips.

Leaning in he kissed Kyo's forehead and then murmured, "No, this is friendship. Give and take."

Kyo closed his eyes at the kiss to forehead and actually blushed.

"Exactly. And you give me so much love and loyalty. I don't need anything else."

He gently tapped his nose and then took a drag from his cigarette.

"Mmm... no, I have one more thing up my sleeve. Then we're even."

Kyo arched a brow, but simply nodded. Kaoru came out onto the porch with them, going to stand by Die.

"So does this mean you're staying with us for a few days, Kyo?"

The blonde blinked, looking between them both.

"Fuck! I'm imposing aren't I? I just invited myself here, I'm so sorry."

Kaoru laughed and shook his head. Kyo bit his lip and then nodded.

"If that's OK, yes, I'd like to stay. Obviously, with my contract canceled, my entire schedule is canceled right now. I'm... waiting to think of how to tell Fea, and figure out what I'm going to do from here."

Die patted him on the side, dropping his other hand from Kyo's hair.

"Not imposing. I told you I missed you; _we_ miss you."

Kyo gave another little blush, nodding.

"Thank you... I missed you guys, too."

"So, besides just thinking about what to do and how to break it to Fea, what else do you need or want to do?"

Kyo shook his head, grinding his cigarette out in the ashtray.

"I... I really don't know. My band is holding a fucking candlelight vigil in Nagoya tomorrow, I'm not even kidding. They're so angry and upset. Maro won’t admit it, but I know he's angry at me for letting it slip, but the rest are just sad that, for right now, it's over."

Die winced a bit.

"Well, I suppose it'll show how much support you do have, won't it?"

He gently rubbed Kyo's wrist before he moved over to snub out the cigarette. Kyo bit his lip, shrugging.

"Maybe. I don't know. The really hardcore fans, I think they've always known... there have always been rumors about me in Japan. I just don't know..."

Die was quiet for a moment and then murmured, "We'll hold support here, too. There's a fan group that meets once every week."

Kyo blinked, disbelieving.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Completely. Um..." he winced a little and then mumbled, "I sort or organized it before I really knew you and then let it go to the VP because it felt really damn awkward afterward."

Kyo blinked for a good minute before bursting into laughter, sagging against Die.

"Oh my fucking god, you're such a fanboy!"

He was cackling, hugging onto Die.

"I fucking love you, you nerd!"

"Hey, I told you... I mean with all I collected..." he licked his lips a little bit and then shrugged. "But yeah, they still kinda keep me in the loop where they meet... tell me they wish I'd show up. I bet me showing up _with_ you might be a bit of a shock on the radar, yeah?"

Kyo laughed, shaking his head.

"Aaaah, maybe not _with_ me. I'm still a really private person. This part of my life just sort of became an issue I need to tackle, you know?"

Die gave him a little smirk.

"Mmm... well, at the very least, I'm messaging them back and then telling them I'm showing up."

Kyo sighed, kicking his legs and pulling out his phone.

"If I Skype Fea, will you stay in the room?"

He nodded.

"I will, I promise. Want to use my laptop?"

Kyo nodded, hopping down from the railing.

"I need to just suck it up and tell him. He knows something is wrong and it's going to drive him crazy if I don't let him know it isn't about us."

He rolled his eyes at himself, going into the house.

"Well... not me getting cold feet, anyway."

Die nodded, following him in the house. "Yeah, telling him would be wise. Don't let him fear the worst."

Kyo went to sit down at Die's laptop again, opening it.

"That's the good and bad side to us both having a gift. We're linked with each other now, so... no secrets. He always knows when I'm upset, and I always know when he's mad at me."

Die nodded.

"Very much," he murmured, sitting down next to Kyo again and slowly moving from side to side in the chair, swiveling it a little.

Kyo turned the computer towards Die so he could enter his password before pulling up Skype, texting Fea to make sure he knew he was about to call and signing into his account, calling his lover. Die entered in his password and then sat back, watching them have their conversation, feeling like a weirdo spying on them. After a moment, the window opened of Fea at his kitchen table, a sunset through a window behind him. He gave a tired looking smile and leaned forward.

"Hey, love."

Kyo smiled, crossing his legs Indian style in the chair.

"Hey."

Fea huffed, looking worried as hell.

"...alright, if you're going to dump me, just fucking do it."

There was something in his eyes that said he was honestly concerned that might have been a possibility, and Kyo shook his head, hard.

"No! No... it's nothing like that... it is about us, though. Um... there are photos."

Fea's eyes went huge.

"Rather obvious photos."

His lover groaned, putting his hands over his face.

"Felix, I breached contract. They booted me."

Fea's face fell and he looked like someone had died, completely speechless. Die shifted over a little and peered at Fea.

"I told him as long as you two are still together, then everything else can be solved."

He gave them a little smile. Fea gave a soft smile at that, but it didn't stay for long. He pushed his hands into his hair, giving a heavy sigh.

"I don't even know what to say, poppet..."

Kyo bit his thumbnail, shaking his head.

"I love you so much, I'm so, so sorry..."

Kyo's eyes went down for a moment.

"This isn't your fault. It's mine for ever agreeing to terms like that. At least I don't have to hide you anymore... there's no way I'm going to try and sweep this under the rug. If they want to try and call me out on it, they can have all they want of it. I won’t play us down."

Die shifted back and just sat there, watching them again. He would have left to give them privacy, but Kyo had asked for him to be there, so he wasn't about to leave. Fea bit his lip, giving Kyo a loving look.

"You know I'll stick by you, however you want to play this."

Kyo smiled.

"I know. That's why I love you."

Die smiled a little and then got up, going over to the closet and pulling out the poster that had promo-ed the tour, having both Kyo and Fea's bands on the poster. He moved to tack it up on the wall over his desk, grunting a little as he put the tacks in. Kyo cast his eyes at him, giving a little smirk, turning the computer to show Fea what Die was doing. The other laughed a little, waving.

"Oi! It's crooked!" he teased as Kyo pulled the laptop back straight.

Die made a face at Fea and grunted out, "Dun care, just needs to be on the wall."

He grinned and then went back to it, tacking it in and then settling back down on the desk, tilting his head a little. They talked a bit longer, Kyo just wanted to be able to actually see Fea's face when he let him know what had happened.

"I'll keep you updated. I don't really know what will happen now, but... I won’t let you out of the loop."

Kyo and Fea blew kisses at each other before signing off, Kyo heaving a big sigh and leaning back, hands through through his hair.

"Can I try and salvage this trip and show you the pictures? It was so amazing, Die..."

Die nodded, slipping off the desk and coming to sit next to Kyo again.

"Please do. I'd like to see."

Kyo nodded, pulling up the folder where his memory card was, opening the first photo and starting to click through.

"He bought me a ticket and flew me out and met me there. We met in front of this huge fountain where couples meet in Rome and it was at night, and just... seeing him there, everything about this city is romantic, I'm telling you, my heart jumped and I was so excited. I ran at him and dove into his arms and kissed him. I just didn't care. Neither of us did. We weren't blatant, but we didn't hide... I guess I kind of asked for it, but..."

He clicked over to a photo of him and Fea making funny faces, a view of the forum behind them.

"Like... I've felt so caught up in this. It's been about nine months now and I've kept wondering if it's just a really intense fling... and... I don't know. It's hard to describe. Just... from the moment I saw him at the fountain until I kissed him goodbye in the airport, there was this peaceful, overwhelming sensation that we were meant to be together, that he was my soulmate, and that we were going to be together forever."

Die listened to Kyo, watching as he flicked through the photos.

"Then maybe... that trip was meant to happen when it did. Maybe it was going to come out no matter what and you needed that trip to be certain of everything."

He reached to pat Kyo's leg gently.

“Everything happens for a reason, right?"

Kyo hummed.

"Maybe... is this what it feels like for you and Kaoru? I don't know how you can manage, with what's going on... if I thought I might lose Fea..."

He just shook his head, frowning. Die squeezed his thigh a little bit.

"To be honest, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Even with my family and my sex change, it wasn't like this."

Kyo frowned, leaning to hug him.

"I still can't see what will happen. It worries me. Something like this, it's usually clear what path it will take, but it isn't."

Die sighed and looked at Kyo, his eyes a little glassy.

"I think it's because he hasn't made up his mind yet. I've made up mine. But he has to fight it. If he gives up, then it's done. If he doesn't give up, then everything will be okay."

Kyo shrugged, pursing his lips.

"Maybe. I know he's really scared. I know he isn't ready to die, he wants to stay here with you."

Die shook his head a little.

"It's the only thing that makes sense. He just... he needs to convince himself what's going on, that's all. Anything else doesn't make sense at this point."

Kyo frowned even more.

"Maybe you should keep reminding him what could be after. Give him little hypothetical stories about the future? Something to give him hope, something to fight for."

Die nodded a little.

"Maybe... I haven't been because I didn't want to upset him, you know?"

Kyo shrugged.

"Try. See where it gets you. It might make him sad at first if he's in the mindset it's things he'll never see, but maybe eventually that will change."

"Okay," he murmured, "I will."

He ran his hand over his own legs and then gestured back at the screen.

"Show me the rest?"

Kyo nodded, going through more, some of him and Fea together in bed, not so much sexual as wrapped up in sheets and kissing, playing around. The rest were rather touristy, normal couple shots of them together around the city. Kyo sighed as he got to the end, tilting his head.

"This trip was so much fun... I really hope it's not forever tarnished in my memory because of all this bullshit."

"Don't let it be. You want it to be a good memory, so let it be. It was just _a_ photo, not anything else."

He reached to squeeze his hand gently. Kyo frowned.

"It's a _couple_ photos of a moment that was private to me and him, and started a very quick train reaction to bring my entire career to a halt. Right now, there's definitely a big cloud over me."

Die pressed his hands to Kyo's cheeks and made him look into his eyes.

"It will only ruin things if you let it. Don't let it tarnish the memory, period."

Kyo pouted, nodding.

"I'm trying not to let it..."

He sighed and then, unable to help himself, went back to the forum to check the reactions to his post. There was, of course, a mad line of them, most in encouragement of his words, and a slew in absolute skepticism that it was actually Kyo. He laughed reached over to the printer, finding a piece of paper and then a marker, pulling up Die's webcam and taking a photo of himself holding up a sign, "Is this real enough for you?" before posting that as well, and then deleting his account.

"I don't need the temptation to look at all that trash," he explained. "You keep me updated if there's any major blow-ups, but... I'm done. I need to cut the line and not let it drag me down."

Die watched him and then gave a little nod, moving out of the way of the webcam photo. When he was done posting it up, he just ruffled his hair and then murmured, "Did you bring something that could pass as club wear or should we see what fits you from my closet?"

Kyo looked up at him, shaking his head.

"Not really. Most of my stuff is what I took to Italy, which is mostly just jeans and t-shirts."

He stood up and motioned for him.

"Come with me."

This was his best effort to distract him. Kyo went off with him, grabbing his bag so Die could look through what clothes he already had, as well. Slipping into the bedroom, he patted the bed.

"Put out what you have and we'll see which things I have that would fit you."

He poked his head out.

"Kaoru! Come help dress Kyo!"

Kaoru laughed, putting his book down and coming in from the living room, sitting on the bed.

"What's the occasion?"

Kyo shook his head.

"Club wear. Uh..."

He dug through his bag and pulled out a tight black t-shirt with a deep V and some dark crimson skinny jeans, a white belt, tight black pants, and a grey and gold vest.

"Uuuuuh, that's it."

Die pointed at the skinny jeans.

"Those will do."

He then started pawing through his closet, pulling out a bunch of different shirts of all different kinds and putting them on the bed. Kyo put the rest of his things back in his bag, he and Kaoru starting to go through Die's shirts, trying to find something that would go with the jeans. Die pulled out one last shirt, a silver silk number and held it out to

Kyo.

"It's a little tight on me across the shoulders, maybe it'll fit?"

Kyo took it and pulled it on, finding that it was a bit long, but nothing he couldn't roll up. "This will do. Does it look OK?"

Die smiled and came over, buttoning only two buttons, then gathering it back and humming.

"Stay there."

He went to get some safety pins and then started doing up the back of it, making it into a rather attractive pleated fold in the back on each side, making it show off Kyo's abs. He then walked around him and then stopped in front again, smirking.

"Bangin'."

Kyo rose a brow, looking down at himself.

"You're going to get me covered in men I'm not interested in, you know that, right?"

"That is... honestly not the point."

He snatched his silver eyeliner off the dresser and held it out.

"Use this, primp your hair and I'll get ready."

He peered at Kaoru.

"Do you want to come tonight, baby?"

Kaoru looked a little shocked, stuttering for a minute.

"Me?"

He hadn't been out of the house except to go out to eat and to the hospital, or to his parents, in nearly four months. The idea of going to a club and maybe even having fun was both inviting and daunting. He looked down at himself, having lived in PJs for months now.

"I don't know... I think I've forgotten how to put myself together."

"I'll put you together. Come on. There are a couple booths, and I can call and get one reserved for you guys if you want."

Kyo shook his head.

"I'd rather sit at the bar with you, so you can pass off your drinks to me."

Kaoru look skeptical at being put together, but sat up, sliding off the bed, not sure where to go. Die moved to Kaoru's closet and nodded.

"Okay, I think they'll let you in with me."

He pulled out a pair of white dress pants and smirked, tossing them to Kaoru.

"Put those on."

He then moved on to his own closet, digging around until he found the white silk shirt that was pretty much the mate to the one he'd put on Kyo. He laid that out and then went about finding three silver chains for Kaoru, handing two over to Kyo for his own outfit and then stripping off his shirt, putting on his cursive D and the little round charm he tended to love wearing to work. He pulled out a silver sparkly belt for Kaoru and then a studded black one for Kyo, handing that over as well.

Kaoru looked at the outfit skeptically, going into the bathroom to wash up a bit first.

Stripping down to his red boxer briefs, he dug around in his closet, finding his black leather pants and pulling them on, carefully zipping them up and then pulling on his matching red silk shirt, only buttoning the center two buttons as well. He added his thin gold belt and then grabbed his red chopsticks, making quick work of pulling his hair up into a small version of the waterfall-like way he used to put it up. Coming back out, Kaoru looked at himself, seeming very uncertain. He rubbed at his bare head and frowned.

"Maybe I should stay home..."

Die made a face at him.

"No way, José. You're going with us."

He moved to frame his face with his hands and then kiss his lips.

"You're going and you're going to have a good time."

Kaoru gave him a kiss back, a sucker for affection from Die, then pouted, giving a nod and digging around, trying to figure out how he could cover his head without looking obviously like he was covering the fact he had no hair. Kyo frowned at him a moment, then went off to put on the eyeliner Die had given him. Die moved behind Kaoru, taking his hands and pulling them behind his back a little.

"Nope." He kissed his ear a little. "Pretend you shaved it off on purpose." He licked up the side of his head. "Flaunt it."

Kaoru frowned and then made a noise at Die licking up his head, not even the scruffiness of being shaved down, just completely bald. He gave his lover a look, knowing he was trying to make him feel confident, but he was very, very self-conscious about how sick he looked.

"I don't know... really?"

"Yes really. Shine that shit up and go with it!"

He slid his arms around him and huggled him close with a little purr. Kaoru closed his eyes and leaned into the hug, craving Die's warmth now more than ever. He turned around and sighed.

"Alright. For you, I'll do it, but if I get too uncomfortable, I'll take a cab home, OK?"

He nodded a little and kissed his ear again.

"Alright, baby. But someone insults you, let me know. I'll drag them out. I'm allowed."

He smirked a bit and then tapped Kaoru's nose.

"Black eyeliner."

Kaoru laughed at him, shaking his head.

"Oh god..."

Sighing, though, he went into the bathroom, where Kyo was fixing his hair, and found some black kohl, ringing his eyes with it and dabbing on some concealer to not look so worn out and sick, brushing some champagne shadow over his lids. Die rushed around, finishing getting ready and then putting on his really nice black platforms. He picked up his phone and shoved it into his pocket, making sure to attach his wallet and chain, his ID hanging from a clasp on it for work. He dashes around, getting things all ready, doing his makeup with black eyeliner. Coming out, he attached his leather wristband and slid a few more rings on his fingers.

"Okay, like an hour, guys!"

Kaoru had to stop looking at himself, feeling more and more unfit to be out among people the more he looked. Kyo hugged him and went to sit with him on the couch, talking to him about releasing the photos from his show and maybe doing an interview with his magazine again, depending on what happened with the whole contract collapse, both of them ready to go, waiting on Die. Die plopped down on the couch next to them and grinned.

"We look amazing."

He held up his hand for a high five, waiting on someone to take it. For whatever reason, he was sort of in an odd mood and he just felt like he needed the night to be a big amazing thing. Kyo smirked at him, giving him a high five. Kaoru just gave a lopsided grin and made sure he had his phone, keys, and little pill canister on him.

"Want to just take the scenic route to work?" he asked, not sure what else they could do for an hour.

Kaoru shrugged and gave a little nod, getting up and pulling on his purple Chucks, Kyo slipping into a pair of gold ones. Die watched them and then moved toward the back door, smiling happily. He had two of his favorite people with him. Life couldn't be bad right then, even if things were being turned upside down. Besides... he had a plan. They both followed him out, Kaoru insisting that Kyo take the front seat, getting argued with a little until Kaoru just got in the backseat and buckled himself in, leaving Kyo to take the front seat, anyway. The blond sighed but got in, buckling up. Die just let them argue it out and then started up the car once they were in and buckled up, pulling out and driving off toward work, though not taking the interstate, just doing on the surface streets instead. Kyo turned around, reaching for Kaoru's hand.

"How long has it been since you've been around people?"

Kaoru gave a little shrug.

"Your show, really."

Die handed back a mask from his pocket.

"If anyone who looks remotely sick come around you, put this on."

It was actually rather stylish, black with chains across it, rather than plain white and bland. Kaoru looked at it, shaking his head and putting it in his pocket.

"Alright..."

Die went back to concentrating on driving, making sure to drive by all the nicer places that Kyo might want to visit at some point if he did come live here. Kyo curled up in the front seat, not realizing how he took advantage of his small stature, able to sit Indian style in the seat, looking at the sights of the small city, letting the excitement that he and Fea would be living together soon wash over the trauma of the day thus far. Die stopped at a red light and reached over to pat Kyo's knee a little, smiling softly at him.

"You wouldn't think for such a small city that we'd have such gorgeous places, would you?"

Kyo smiled, shaking his head.

"It's really nice. I like it."

He texted Fea quickly, telling him that he was leaning more and more towards finding a place there, wanting to look for houses while he was staying with Kaoru and Die. Die put his hand back on the steering wheel and kept making his way through the city. After a long while, they finally arrived at the club, Die parking in the employee lot which was about half a block down the street. He got out and stretched his long legs, arching his back and popping it a few times.

Kaoru and Kyo both got out, Kaoru biting his lip a little, Kyo putting his arm around him and following after Die. He flashed them a grin and headed off down the street, a swagger in his steps that wasn't usually there. The closer they got to the club, the more and more Die sank into his roll, exuding pure, raw energy and oozing sex. Kaoru couldn't help it; his eyes went to Die's ass, staring blatantly, missing their sex life. Anymore, it was the very rare fuck when his dick decided to cooperate, and even then, Die was usually too afraid to hurt him to really get into it, or Kaoru helping his lover out to get off. He missed banging each other wall-to-wall, as much as he had longed for more than that before.

By the time they got to the door, Die had his face a pure mask of sultry eyes and plump, ready lips that almost begged to be used and abused by a good dick. He tousled his hair a little and then opened the employee entrance, holding it open for Kyo and Kaoru to come in with him. They both went in, waiting to follow Die out to the bar, Kaoru linking his arm with Kyo's. He passed the bouncer, smiling.

"They're with me, don't worry about it, Dan."

The huge guy nodded, crossing his arms again and then just settling back against the wall. Die led them over to a glass door and held up a hand.

"Wait here."

He knocked and then slipped inside, the man at the desk looking up at him. He quickly explained who Kyo and Kaoru were and then took two passes from him before waving his fingers at him and slipping back out the door, handing one pass to each of them. They were labeled as VIP and he gestured at their belts.

“Keep these on all night and turn them in at the door before you leave. It'll give you in and out rights as well as 50% off drinks and food all night."

He then headed out toward the main floor.

"I have to get ready for tonight, come sit at the bar or wander around. Up to you."

They both nodded, Kyo taking Kaoru towards the bar, sniffing around, honestly kind of hungry.

"Do you want to eat something?"

Kaoru gave a little nod, settling in beside Kyo, looking around, trying to be as small and unnoticed as possible, but knowing he stood out. Both of them did. Die slipped behind the bar and then pushed a menu toward them, all the typical bar food plus nachos and whatnot on it. He then moved to start setting up some drinks, moving the ice into the front cooler and pulling down the night's 'well' drinks.

Kyo smiled, looking over the menu with Kaoru, deciding to share a loaded plate of nachos and chicken fingers. Kyo asked for a beer, deciding he might as well get good and drunk tonight, and Kaoru asked for water. Die cracked open a beer and sent it Kyo's way, then giving Kaoru a water with lemon and lime on the top.

"Tab?" he asked Kyo before scribbling down their orders and then heading off to the kitchen.

Kyo nodded.

"Yes, please."

He sipped his beer, sending a photo of it to Fea, including

_I think I have the right to get fucking trashed tonight, yes/yes?_

He leaned into Kaoru's side a little, giving him a gentle squeeze, getting a tiny smile out of him. Die grabbed a piece of paper and put the beer on it, Kyo's name on top. He wandered off toward the back, putting in the food order and then came back out, polishing up a few glasses and then tucking a towel in one pocket. He cleaned off the already clean counters and then tossed out some coasters, including one each for Kyo and Kaoru.

About ten minutes passed before the bar officially opened and a proverbial flood of people came through the doors, the club's main lights flicking off, leaving the swirling colors of lights and the music flipped on, bass booming through the place as they started the night off with a foreign band. The sudden rush of people had Kaoru a little edgy, and also excited. It felt good being out, feeling at least halfway normal. The black lights made the UV ink in his tattoo glow and Kyo poked at it, smiling.

"I love that. I really want to get something like that done eventually."

Die was immediately bombarded, his counter obviously more popular than the one off to the left. It made things clear as to why he was on the main one the moment that people crowded around, all of them clamoring for his attention to get their drinks first. Die just sort of hammed it up, seeming happy about it, all smiles as he started serving drinks and making tabs for everyone else. Kaoru watched him, picking at their food when it was brought out.

"I'm torn, watching him," he murmured to Kyo. "I mean, this job is not the best idea for someone in his position, but... he's so good at it. It's like he's made to do this kind of thing, and I know he loves being around people."

About twelve drinks in, Die was given a shot from a patron. He immediately thanked them for it and then slid it down the bar to Kyo once they'd turned their back. Then it was right back to serving other people, Die even being all sweet to the older businessmen who came in, just sitting hunched at the bar and ordering beer after beer.

Kyo took the shot and breathed out, throwing it back with a grimace.

"Fuuuuck, I suck at drinking!"

Kaoru laughed, watching him chase it with beer and a nacho. His eyes went back on Die, unable to not look at him, appreciating getting to see him rather candidly. About half an hour into the opening of the club, the music changed to a rather raunchy Korean pop song and Die pretty much jumped up on the bar along with all the other available workers, starting and obviously choreographed dance to it, which was perhaps more raunchy than the song itself, involving lots of hip thrusts and self-touching. Out of them all, Die and the shapely girl that was the only female worker on the bar were perhaps the best.

Kyo and Kaoru blinked, shocked by it, then starting to laugh, surprised and excited. Kaoru was grinning ear to ear, watching Die, though at the back of his mind, he could practically hear himself growling, seeing how many of the bar patrons had their eyes on Die, hungrily. As the final part of the song, each one of them held out whatever they used for tips and waited to see if anyone would give them any. Die waited until last, prancing down his bar, flipping people off and yelling lewd things at them, pushing his hip out to let them tuck the money in the side pocket. No one seemed to abuse the allowed little touch and no one went too far. He earned maybe a hundred from it and then was back off the bar and quickly cleaning it up before starting to serve drinks again.

Kaoru shook his head, smirking, glad no one was trying to grope his lover, knowing that Cancer Kid or not, he'd probably want to beat the shit out of them. Kyo was chuckling to himself, finishing off his beer and the food, leaning on Kaoru lovingly and waving at Die for another beer when he got the chance. Die got back to Kyo after about five minutes, grabbing one of his favorite ales and pushing it over to Kyo, writing it on his tab. He looked somehow radiant while he was at work, seeming completely inside his element and like he belonged in the habitat.

Kyo and Kaoru chatted idly as they sat, people watching and talking about the neighborhood where Die and Kaoru lived. Kyo wanted to go walking around it and write down numbers for the houses up for rent, probably the day after tomorrow, anticipating he'd probably be rather hung over the following morning. As they were talking, Kaoru felt a hand on his arm and turned, blinking at the tall woman standing beside him. She looked at him with confusion before asking, "...Kaoru?"

"Crayne!"

He held out his arms excitedly and gave her a hug, her hand going to the back of his bald head.

"Been forever! When did you decide to go with this look?"

She cocked a drawn-on brow at him, despite her own hair being completely shaved off, save for a swoop of teal-colored bangs. She had spottings of colorful tattoos on her arms and peach-colored roses on her chest, wearing a black and white polka-dotted halter-top with tight black jeans and platform heels, looking quite out of place, honestly making Kaoru feel better. Not wanting to be rude, he turned and pointed to Kyo.

"Crayne, this is my friend Kyo, Kyo, this is my old friend and occasional muse, Crayne." He gave Kyo a wink and shook his hand, draping an arm around Kaoru affectionately.

Going back to her question, he whispered in her ear, "Chemo."

Her eyes darkened and she frowned, hugging him again.

"Oh honey..."

Not sure what to say, she rubbed his arm a little and then changed subjects, pointing at Die.

"That fucking bartender... he is too sexy for his own fucking good, I can never get a drink when he's working because everyone floods the fucking place."

Kaoru laughed.

"That's my fiance."

Drawn-on eyebrows shot up and Crayne's jaw dropped.

"No shit!"

Kaoru nodded.

"Please tell me about his dick, I must know everything!"

Kaoru laughed loudly.

"You have no changed a bit."

He was speaking figuratively, of course, considering the last time they'd seen each other, she had not had breast implants and was wearing very long pink-dyed dread locks.

"Actually..." He smirked a little and leaned in. "The two of you have something in common in that department."

Crayne blinked obliviously.

"What, is he fucking huge?"

Kaoru laughed again.

"No, ah... he's trans, hun."

The tall woman's neck stretched back in further surprise, her face both conspiratorial and amused. Quietly, she just laughed, hugging on him one more time, muttering something about pussy that Kaoru didn't quite catch. Kaoru smirked and waved at Die, trying to get his attention.

"Let me see if I can get you that drink."

It only took Die a few more minutes before he looked over to their side again and then came scurrying over, a shot of Patrón in one hand. He stared at them for one moment before muttering, "God help me” and took half the shot, pushing the other half over to Kyo.

It was one of his weaknesses and a customer had bought it for him. He then put on his friendly face one more and beamed at the tall woman next to Kaoru.

"What can I do for ya?" he asked, wiping his hand on the towel.

Kaoru and Kyo both gave him a wary look before letting it slide, Kyo doing the rest of the shot and coughing again, sipping his beer. Crayne cocked a brow at him and then reached out a hand, swiveling her forefinger.

"Well, first you can turn that ass around and give me a little show."

Kaoru laughed, letting Die know it was OK.

"And then you can get me a biiiiig, strooooong SoCo Kamikaze."

Die glanced at Kaoru and at the okay, he stepped back from the bar, put both hands behind his head and placed one foot behind the other, doing a slow spin to get him turned backwards to them, then slowly bending over, his hands sliding over his shoulders, down his sides, over his hips, and then down his legs all the way to the floor. His hips rotated and then he came back up, doing the same little spin to pull him back to facing forward, oozing sex again. Immediately after, he washed up his hands and then started making her drink.

"That good enough of a show for ya, sweet thang?"

Kaoru whistled, Crayne fanning herself, hooting, "Uh huh! Goddamn!"

Kaoru chuckled softly at how Die apparently picked up a Southern accent when he was being flirtacious, Kyo laughing a little, obviously starting to get tipsy. He added in an extra half shot of each alcohol into the mix and then pushed the drink over to the girl, leaning on the counter sexily.

"That'll be eight fifty unless you're racking a tab, in which case, I need either your name - if you've already started one - or your credit card to start it."

He flashed a grin and sort of shifted a little. Crayne pulled a twenty out of her bra and handed it to Die with a wink.

Leaning forward and whispering "So do you bind your tits or have you had top surgery? I swear, I'd let you borrow my dick if I could."

Die blinked a little and then glanced at Kaoru, assuming he'd told. He glanced down the bar and then shifted a little, pulling the fabric of his shirt open a little more to show the very faint scar on his chest. His eyes slid down the other's body, his eyebrow arching and a smirk coming over his lips.

"Oh yeah?"

Crayne fluffed her tits with another wink, nodding.

"Yeah."

She sipped her drink and hummed, satisfied with how he'd mixed it. Kaoru just laughed at them, knowing Die had a thing for male-to-female transsexuals. Die could already feel the arousal slide through his body, and his cheeks heated as well. He rang up the bill and extracted the change, offering it to her, unsure if it was his tip or not.

"Name's Die. What's yours?"

She took the change and handed Die back a five before extending her hand.

"Crayne. Me and Kaoru go way back; haven't seen him around for a while."

Die took the five and tucked it into his pocket, reaching to shake her hand.

"Wonderful to meet you, maybe we can all catch up after my shift for a coffee?" He glanced over at Kyo. "I get the feeling some of us will need that."

Kyo flipped him off, then asked for another beer, leaning on the bar. He was starting to get looks, and he was honesty just waiting for some drunk guy to come try and chat him up. Die laughed and grabbed a different kind of beer, sliding it to Kyo and then writing it on his tab. He gestured at the three of them.

"So, coffee."

He then headed back off, serving the rest of the bar full of people who didn't wander away from his section, wanting to have him and not someone else. Kyo sipped his beer and then pat Kaoru's arm, grunting that he was going to use the restroom, leaving he and Crayne to catch up at the bar. When he finally came back nearly twenty minutes later, his hair was rumpled and he looked much drunker than he had been when he left. Climbing back into the bar stool, he made a little sound.

"Lesbians. They caught me coming back... they all felt my abs and fed me shots. Oh god..."

Nothing about the night quieted down on Die's end of the world. When it came time for his fifteen minute break, he came over to their end again and sank against the bar, pouring himself a pineapple juice and then sipping at it. Licking his lips a little, he gave Kyo an odd look.

"Have a run in with the hair molesters?" he asked, a crooked grin on his face.

Kyo blushed and fixed his hair, or tried. "Shhhh!"

Kaoru laughed and leaned towards Die with a smile, Crayne having wandered off to mingle with friends and promising to meet them for coffee after.

"I'd ask for a kiss, but I think all your tips hinge on them," he cast his eyes towards the patrons, "thinking they could actually have you."

Die gave a little shrug, pushing ten into Kaoru's hand and then leaning over the bar, grabbing his shirt and laying one on him real good, nice and sloppy, before he pulled back and grinned, holding out his hand, expecting his ten back, making it look like he was being paid for it.

Kaoru purred softly into the kiss, nipping Die's bottom lip before he pulled away, laughing at him and handing him the ten, hoping no one got any ideas. He knew he'd dive across the bar if someone else tried to kiss Die. Die went back to drinking his juice, one hand in his hair while he leaned against the ice machine. He glanced between them.

"Want anything else?"

Kaoru pointed at Die's juice.

"Some of that, please."

Kyo looked at his half-full beer and shook his head. Die grabbed another glass and squirted some juice into it from the spray pump. He pushed it over to Kaoru and then gave Kyo a glass of water, knowing he needed it. Kyo gave him a little smile and a thank you, waving around a ten.

"Hey, hey, hey, do I get that same sweet deal?"

He gave a rather inebriated giggle and Kaoru snorted at him, rolling his eyes, seeing if Die would do it, not really caring for Kyo, but hoping it wouldn't give anyone else ideas. Die peered at Kaoru, watching him snort, but not look adverse to it. He reached over, grabbed the ten and then pretty much hauled Kyo onto the bar, pressing his lips to Kyo's and laying a good one on him. He made sure he could get back to the point where his ass was touching the seat before he let go and laughed, putting the ten in his pocket.

"I'll be rich before the night is out!" he announced.

Kaoru watched a few people perk up, reaching into their pockets, and groaned, hoping none of them had the balls to do it. Die waited out the rest of his break and then headed back down the line, getting drinks for people and waiting on the last song of the night, which would also include another dance from him and his fellow bar tenders.

Kaoru rubbed the back of Kyo's neck, seeing the other was rather far gone, helping him fend off the few drunk guys that were finally intoxicated enough to talk to him. Kyo glared at them and growled a little, explaining curtly that he had a boyfriend, and most of them seeming to get the message pretty quickly.

About four songs from the end, one of Kyo's sexier pieces came on, one that Die had requested always be in the mix at the club. A cheer went up from the dance floor and immediately the lights flicked to red, Die feeling sort of embarrassed, having forgotten tonight was _his_ night to do this. The spotlight came to him and he pranced away from the bar and moved to the center platform, hopping up and grabbing the pole, starting to do a rather amazing stripper dance with the pole to the beat of the song.

Kyo looked confused at hearing his own music, watching Die, Kaoru's jaw practically on the floor. After a second of thought, Kyo hopped down from his stool, shedding his shirt and shoving it at Kaoru, muttering "fuck it", before heading straight for the platform where Die was dancing, intent on getting up there with him. The moment Die spotted Kyo, he pushed away from the pole and moved to help him up, managing it in a rather sexy manner. Vaguely he wondered if Kyo was going to regret this in the morning, but he didn't really care right then. At the moment, he was just amused by having Kyo anywhere near a stripper pole.

Kyo tossed his hair out of his face and grabbed the pole--mostly the help him stay upright--and began to move the way he would when he sang the song on stage, singing it now, though no one could really hear him but Die. Die made it his new job to sort of back Kyo up, doing his best to get the spotlight on Kyo and show everyone how sexy he was. Kyo rolled his hips and rubbed over his crotch blatantly, realizing that at that moment, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted without a single fear of losing what he no longer had. Turning, he started grinding on Die, just for the freedom of doing something obviously gay in public, in a spotlight. Die managed to contain his surprise, just working the crowd up real well while he played back on him, reaching to grab his ass and then slide down his body, making it look like he was going to go down on him before popping off to the side and making a surprised 'oh' face and then smirking, going back up.

Kaoru was still at the bar, practically falling out of his seat he was laughing so hard, thoroughly enjoying watching Kyo make a fool of himself, and Die's unabashed assistance in such. The song ended and switched over to Make it Rain by Travis Porter. Immediately bills started getting thrown at the stage. Die grabbed the pole again and slid his upper body down so his ass was toward the vast majority of the crowd. He wiggled it and then slapped it with one hand.

Kyo pulled some loose bills from his pocket and tossed them up in the air over Die before getting down from the platform, going back to Kaoru and sagging on him, complaining loudly, "FUCK, I'M DRUNK!"

Die did a very good impression of a stripper without doing anything except taking off his shirt. He let it fall to the floor and then ground up on the pole like he was about to fuck it. The look on his face made it clear that if he hadn't been in a relationship, he probably would have been working down the street at Ms. Snazzy's. He crouched to the floor and bounced there, his hands doing lewd things to the pole in front of him. Popping back up, he turned around and slid down the pole with his back, flipping off the crowd and pretty

much screaming out, "Make it fucking rain, bitch!" above the music.

Kaoru was still laughing, yelling out, despite the fact that no one knew what in the fuck he was talking about but Kyo, "That's my fuckin' rent money!"

The crowd around threw money in Die's direction, one older man throwing in a hundred, which Die had the foresight to snatch up and tuck in the front of his pants while he nodded at the crowd and flipped them off again. He then gathered up the rest of the money, coming back to the bar and snatching a bottle of champagne off the shelf. It was the cheap shit and they let him use it for this since it hadn't been kept right anyway and was useless to them. Shaking it up, he crawled up on the bar and paused.

"You wanna see some ass?!"

The crowd screamed back, "Yes!"

He pointed at the bar.

"Then I betta see some cash!"

Popping the top off the bottle at just the right moment, he screamed out, "Imma make it rain, bitch!"

The alcohol shot out over the crowd in front of Die while he held the bottle lewdly against his crotch, shaking it around. Kaoru couldn't stop beaming, amused like hell. Crayne came back and hugged him around the waist.

"You didn't know he did this, did you?"

Kaoru shook his head, slack-jawed and laughing at Die spraying the crowd with champagne. He got at least another hundred in assorted bills from the patrons before he hopped off the bar and then tossed the bottled away, accepting his shirt back from a regular who always retrieved it for him. He slid back into it and did up the two buttons he'd had done before, grabbing twenty shot glasses and then pounded the counter.

"I wanna see a fuckin' fifty up here and this bottle's yours, bitches!"

Immediately bills were tossed on the counter and Die grabbed a bottle of cherry vodka - brand new - and pulled the cap off. Smirking, he poured down the whole line, sloppy but everyone loved it. The bottle was half empty when he was done and the shots disappeared off the counter. Another twenty glasses went out and he poured the rest out except about half a shot in the bottom. A chant started for him to take the rest and he upended it, taking the half shot and then throwing the bottle on the floor, shattering it and letting out a scream that was matched by most of the bar, even the people over in the pool area and up on the second floor. The other shots disappeared and Die mopped up the counter real fast before the last song came on and every single staff member mounted the bar for one final dance. Die swept the bills down onto the mat in his area and then hopped up, slapping his chest.

"Who's your fuckin' favorite bitch?!"

Another cheer. The staff on the other bars rolled their eyes but added to the cheers, knowing Die was their main draw and not bothering to try to pull the attention themselves. They all knew the bar hadn't done so well in all its history as it had since he'd been working there. Kaoru cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed for Die, Kyo doing the same, Crayne pounding the bar with her fists and going to toss some loose bills his ways. If it hadn't been so obvious how much Die enjoyed the attention, it would have made Kaoru feel awful that he was doing this to support them, but it was clear that given the right mood, his lover would probably have done this for free.

"Damn fuckin' right, bitches!"

He turned around and shimmied his ass before prancing up and down the bar once and then coming back to his spot, swiveling his hips and bringing both legs all the way together. Jumping up, he came back down with a loud stomp, his legs apart and the song record scratched out to a new one that was country. No one groaned, only cheered. And almost instantly the entire staff started into a rather raunchy line dance, more fit for Coyote Ugly than anything else. Soaking it up, Die slid his thumbs into his belt loops and made the most out of it, making it obvious he damn well knew how to dance.

Kaoru had to cover his face, looking through his fingers at Die and shaking his head. Kyo had his hands above his head, clapping, leaning on the bar heavily so he didn't fall over. There were people milling in from the other areas to watch this display and one of them reached out and rubbed Kaoru's head, his automatic reaction to reach and slap the shit out of their arm, getting cussed out for a second before the drunk guy's friends dragged him off again, Kaoru glaring up a storm. Shaking it off, he turned and continued to watch Die. Once they ended the song, the bar was littered with bills again, but mostly in neat sort of piles in front of each person, making it obvious who the money was for. Die scooped up his and tucked it in his pocket. He cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed out his thanks and blew random kisses into the air before jumping down.

A few people tossed numbers on the bar as they left and Die took them all, putting them down under the bar and moving to start cleaning things up as patrons started to leave.

Kaoru crossed his arms on the bar, all smiles, still watching Die, itching to get his hands on his lover, knowing the bar had to be clear for that to happen. Kyo stretched and went off to the bathroom again, Crayne following, leaving Kaoru by himself. He swept up the glass and then used the water sprayer to hose down the floor behind the bar. Someone else came by, mopping up the floor from his champagne incident, complaining to him about people pissing themselves and making the floor sticky. Die made a face, but didn't comment, just continuing to clean up the bar area, using his bleach-water cloth to clean down the counters and all the fixtures. Then he gathered the glasses and put them on a tray, pushing it to the side to go wash them in a few minutes. He glanced up at Kaoru once he was moving to put bottles back where they belonged.

"So, bet you didn't know I did half that shit, huh?"

Kaoru smirked, shaking his head.

"No."

He put both arms out, making grabby hands. Die moved to lean over the counter, making a kissy face. Kaoru grabbed him by the collar of the his shirt, tugging him closer to punctuate his words with kisses.

"But I loved watching you, you are so, so fucking sexy. And I love you so much for doing this to support us."

He sucked at Die's bottom lip a little, stroking his jaw. Die chuckled at the treatment, licking at Kaoru's lips for a moment.

"You are amazing and I'm glad you don't hate me for doing this."

He tapped Kaoru's chin slightly and then smiled. Kaoru shook his head, smiling.

"I could never hate you."

"Good!" He backed up and then finished up with the bar. Coming around, he grabbed the drink tray and headed for the back.

"I'll be back out in a few. Gotta wash these up."

Nodding, Kaoru found Kyo and Crayne, waiting around for Die, Kyo hugging onto Kaoru for support. Die came back out from the kitchen area after a few minutes and then went about tallying up his drawer, finding two people hadn't paid their tabs. He held up the cards and then pointed at the sign over the register saying all cards left behind with tabs would be charged an additional $50 surcharge. He smirked and then ran them both for the amounts plus the surcharge. He pulled the tips from his drawer that were on cards and then pushed Kyo's tab toward him.

"Pay up, buddy."

It was only $21, so it wasn't anything terrible and he was pretty proud of Kyo for not going ape-shit on the booze. Kyo made a little noise and made himself focus on the amount, digging thirty dollars from his pocket and shoving it at Die, sitting down. Kaoru pouted and rubbed Kyo's hair, knowing he was starting to feel not so great. Die got his changed and gave it back to him before quickly finishing up his tally and then counting out his tips, writing them down on a notebook from his back pocket and then dumping the numbers from the patrons in the trash. With all that done, he came around the bar and smiled, holding out his arms.

"All done. Now we can go."

Kaoru hugged onto his waist, Kyo slumping into his other side, heading towards the door, Crayne following.

"I came with friends, is it OK for me to ride with you?"

Kaoru nodded, reaching back for her hand.

"Of course, we have an extra seat."

He smiled happily and wandered along toward the car, the post-work high not having worn off yet.

"So, I'm thinking, from how green Kyo looks, we should do coffee at our place. That sound good?"

Kyo made a little noise and nodded, curling up in the front seat once they were at the car.

"I'll be OK, I just feel really... gross. If I can rest and drink some water, I'll be fine."

Kaoru pouted at him and got into the back seat with Crayne. Die produced a bottle of water from under his seat and handed it to Kyo. Once everyone was in and buckled up, he pulled out and headed for the interstate, taking the easy way home.

"So how long have you known Kaoru, Crayne?"

Crayne shifted towards the middle so that she could talk to Die, sitting like a lady, despite her size, at least six foot without heels and rather muscular.

"Ummm, since he got back from Chicago. I guess about 8 years now? We ran with the same crowd back in the day, when we were all party hounds and shit."

She tossed her bangs back and pat Kaoru's knee with a little smile.

"What about you? I know it can't have been that long since I've seen him, how long have you been together?"

"About two years," Die easily responded. "But it feels like an insane amount more than that."

Kaoru hummed.

"It really does. When you say it like that, being engaged sounds like jumping the gun. But it feels like we've been together for forever."

Die shrugged a little.

"With us, I don't think there's any such thing as jumping the gun."

He smiled softly, pulling off the exit and making his way toward home. Crayne shook her head.

"Oh hell no, if you find a man that's OK with you, you keep him. I still haven't had a boyfriend that's really alright with me. Some of them say they are, but in the end, they either can't get comfortable enough with it, or are really just fetishists."

Die made a little face.

"The world is a cruel place. When you find someone not cruel in it, hang on for dear life."

Kyo threw a hand up from his quiet little corner of water-sipping, muttering "Amen!", making the two in the back seat laugh.

Die pulled into his parking spot a few minutes later, parking the car and then moving to get out and come around opening doors for everyone. Crayne stepped out and wobbled in her spike heels, going up the steps, helping Kyo, while Kaoru opened the door for them, going in and starting to dig around for coffee. Kyo went immediately to the couch in the parlor and curled up, all but passed out, sipping his water slowly. Crayne pouted at him, feeling bad for him, and sat in a barstool, looking around the little house.

"This is cute."

Die wandered in and then went about washing up his hands and then starting coffee for all of them, making sure it was the french vanilla kind that he loved so much.

"Thanks, we worked on it real hard."

Kaoru drew two glasses of water and handed one to Crayne, getting right to the point. "You know, Die has a thing for tits and cock. On the same person."

Crayne laughed, immediately.

"I remember when you used to be subtle, oh how things have changed."

Die pretty much choked on air when Kaoru just came out with it like that.

"Kaoru!" he turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Jesus!"

Kaoru gave him a look.

"Well? _I_ certainly don't get to fuck you anymore, _someone_ should get to."

Crayne cocked a brow, about to ask if there was trouble in paradise before figuring it was probably related to the chemotherapy.

"...It would be pretty poetic. ...Don't you think?"

Die was glad his back was to them, his face bright red. Granted, he was still worked up from work, but he really hadn't expected coffee to turn into getting fucked. But he supposed that he really couldn't find a good reason to complain. He definitely wanted to hump the hell out of something and even though he'd let himself masturbate a little bit lately, he still hadn't managed to get to the point where he felt really comfortable with it. He just fished out the four cups and then the creamer and sugar, putting them all on the counter.

"I, um...I can't object."

Crayne laughed, giving him two thumbs up before digging around in her purse, finding a little pill canister and pulling out a diamond shaped blue one and bit it in half, swallowing it dry. Kaoru gave her a look, confused.

"The hormones. It makes it hard for me get, well, hard. Viagra is magical, though."

She gave a big, unabashed grin, putting the other half back in the little carrying case and crossed her legs, patting the stool next to her.

"C'mere, Die. Let's have a little talk boy/girl to boy/girl."

Die arched an eyebrow at the whole scene, peering over his shoulder.

He cleared his throat a little and then murmured, "I'm all sweaty and

gross. Maybe I should shower really fast?"

He gave her a nervous little smile and came around the counter.

"Maybe we could both talk and shower?"

Crayne laughed.

"You don't want to see me without my makeup, hun. It's part of the magic."

She waved him off towards the bathroom.

"Go on, go on. Just be quick."

Die nodded a bit and scurried off, grabbing his silk pajama bottoms and nothing else, rushing to go get his shower. He slid into the bathroom and closed the door, quickly stripping down and getting into the shower, washing himself off, thankful he'd had this idea given how sweaty he was and how much he actually stank.

Kaoru finished making the coffee and poured for him and Crayne, going to ask Kyo if he wanted some and found him asleep. Frowning, knowing he'd feel like shit in the morning if he slept the way he was, curled up, sitting up on the couch, he woke him just long enough to help him into bed, tucking him in and putting a trash can beside him in case he got sick. Coming back to Crayne, he sipped coffee with her and rather candidly discussed Die's sexual appetite. Die finished washing up rather quickly, coming out with still damp hair and his pants riding low on his hips. He sort of swayed into the kitchen and picked up his cup of coffee, taking a sip and making a little moan at the taste. Kaoru leaned to kiss his nose with a smile.

"Crayne was wondering if you're adverse to using your pussy for intercourse. I laughed. I laughed very very loudly. Also, Kyo went to bed."

Die blinked a little and then glanced toward the guest room.

"First, no, I am not adverse, I enjoy it. And two... did you put a trash can next to him?"

Kaoru laughed.

"Yes, I did."

Crayne leaned with her chin in her hand, winking at Die.

"Fantastic. Though, not to brag, but I'm curiously large, considering I think my penis was delivered to the wrong address. Are you OK with that?"

Die put down his coffee cup and gave her an amused look.

"Um, hi... if there was a size-king challenge holder, I would be it."

He held out his hand.

"DP... yeah, that."

He smirked. Crayne laughed, a girlish sound in comparison to her still rather male voice, squirming a little.

"You _are_ really cute..."

She bit her lip and slid off the stool, standing and reaching to the back clasp of her halter top, undoing it and pulling it down over her fake tits, squeezing them in her hands, giving Die a rather amused look. Die stood there for a moment, gaping at her. His eyes kept flicking from her face to her tits, then down further.

"Hi, excuse me, but I think I may have to make a mess out of my pants now."

He let out a soft laugh just after that. Both of them laughed, Kaoru leaning against the counter just watching. Crayne crooked a finger at Die, tugging at one of her nipples.

"Well, come here!"

Die made a tiny sound, advancing on her and then reaching out, his hand going on her hips, then sliding around to her ass as he pressed closer to her. Leaning in, he licked up the column of her neck, pressing her back against the counter. He could feel her arousal between them, pressing hard and warm toward him.

"Fuck," he let out, "Are you going to torture my pussy with that?"

Crayne made a soft sound at the lick to her neck, shivering, thinking for a second that Die would be able to feel the stubble and know, then realizing she had nothing to fear, for once.

"Nn, you fucking bet. It's been forever since I've topped someone, I'm excited."

Die let out a soft purr before he ground his hips hard against her. A few moments passed and then he pulled back, taking her hand and leading her toward the bedroom, his eyes dark with anticipation. Thoughts of how much he'd wished he had been born graced with a dick filled his head and he realized that at times, he really did miss his breasts. But the truth was, he felt better this way, without them and with the security that he was more of a man this way. Kaoru followed after them, taking a seat in the corner, Crayne reaching to take her top completely off, tossing it aside and tugging at her nipples again before reaching out for Die, tugging him closer by the front of his pajama pants, craning over him with a purr.

"Why don't you suck me off, huh? It takes a while for me to really get going, but once I'm there, I can last all night."

Die didn't even hesitate, he dropped to his knees, immediately undoing Crayne's bottoms, eager to get her dick out. One he had it out and in hand, he set in licking the tip, moaning and whimpering like a total whore. His eyes came up to stare at her, looking amazingly aroused. Crayne bit her lip, watching Die with surprise at how eager he was. Most men were terrified of her dick, or at the very least, expected it to be small. She supposed she could imagine how emasculating that could be, to be fucking a woman with a dick that was far larger than your own. She hissed when he licked at the tip, half-hard and eager to watch Die swallow her dick, wondering how surprised he might be to find she was a eunuch. Die squirmed a little and then slid his lips around the head, eyelids fluttering as he started to bob on it, sucking a little each time he got to the tip. With every single plunge downward, he got a little more in, his moans never stopping. He'd been craving sucking a dick for a while now, though he hated to admit it. Something about wrapping his lips around turgid flesh really made him feel amazing.

Crane groaned, tugging at her swoop of teal bangs.

"Fuck! You're really good at this..."

Kaoru chuckled from his corner, a sound of agreement. Crayne shifted her hips a little, watching Die with a smirk.

"Determined to get it all in, aren't you?"

Die made a little noise that obviously meant he was definitely trying to do that. He got about four fifths of it in before he knew he just couldn't do any more. In all his life, he'd never seen a real dick this damn _long_ before. Wrapping his hand around the base, he then continued bobbing his head over her dick, looking obviously like he was enjoying himself. Crayne put a hand in Die's hair, just holding onto it, making little girlish sounds of pleasure.

"You totally love it, don't you?"

Kaoru purred from the corner.

"He's very enthusiastic."

Crayne growled a little and tugged at Die's hair, giving a little thrust into his mouth, feeling almost light-headed as he cock became completely hard under Die's touch. Die slid his other hand down into his pants, rubbing at his lady-dick, moaning happily. He continued working on her dick, pleased with having something so large to suck on.

Kaoru crossed his legs, biting his lip, honestly rather horny watching them, but he ignored it. Crayne tugged at Die's hair again, making a little moan.

"Get on the bed."

Die pulled away from her dick with a slurp, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Getting up, he shoved his pants off and then wandered off toward the bed, crawling on it on all fours, his ass wiggling in the air. Crayne chuckled at him, going to grab her purse and bring it back, digging around for a condom. She tottered about in her heels for a moment and then kicked them off, peeling the tight pants off herself, leaving the hot pink lace panties on, pushing them down under her cock. Tearing open the condom, she rolled it on, getting up behind Die and patting his ass.

"Flip over. I want to just... look at it for a minute."

Truth be told, she'd never been with a woman, and never really seen the thing she longed for in person. Die whimpered a little, but did as he was told, rolling over and then pulling his legs up against his chest, holding onto them behind the knees. He peered down and stared at her cock, licking his lips a Crayne sat back on her heels, reaching out and sliding her fingers down Die's slit, inspecting it. She sank two fingers inside him and sighed, scissoring them.

"What's it feel like?"

Die let out a little cry at the fingers inside him.

He pushed back toward her and managed to breathe out, "Glorious... it's so much more

sensitive inside than my ass. I can feel it entirely in there, not just around the outside."

He whimpered a little and then murmured, "Press toward the front, it'll feel a little different in texture. Rub there."

Crayne was wide-eyed and amazed, nodding along, rubbing the front wall with the pads of her fingers, trying not to catch Die with her nails.

"There?"

Once she hit the right place, Die pushed into it, a cry leaving his lips. His hips jerked back, trying to get her to understand she needed to keep rubbing over the area with good pressure on it. Crayne kept rubbing, watching Die, fascinated. It was honestly rather clinical, but no less passionate, wanting to see Die's reactions, experience it as close to first hand as she could. He'd been so worked up for so long that the direct stimulation to his g-spot set him off within a matter of minutes. His passage clenched tight around Crayne's fingers and then stared to spasm as he started to cum, squirting out across her hand and the bed while he screamed out his pleasure. Crayne gasped in surprise, to feel him clench around her like that, to have him cum in hot, wet gushes. She couldn't help but laughed a little, pulling her hand away and shaking it off, growling at Die and scooting forward on her knees.

"Oh, bitch, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you."

Leaning back a little, she pressed her head against Die's pussy, starting to push, seeing what he could take and if he would beg. Die whined a little and pushed up toward her.

"Just shove it in," he bit out with a little snarl.

Grabbing Die by the hips, she did just that, slamming into Die and feeling herself stopped by the sewed up end of Die's vagina, pouting a little, pulling back a bit and looking down at Die to see a reaction, hoping she hadn't hurt him. There was still an inch or two left that wouldn't fit. Die let out a sharp cry, but it was only tinged with pain, mostly just lust. He spread his legs a little more and put them down slightly, making his passage a little bit more elongated.

"Do it again," he murmured softly.

Crayne laughed softly at his zeal, shifting a little closer and pushing in again, nearly able to fit all of herself in before starting to thrust, fast and hard, getting the impression that was exactly how Die liked it. Die whined a little and pulled his legs up toward her sides. He reached to hold onto her arms, shivering a little bit and then just throwing himself into the whole thing, helping push up against her dick. Crayne leaned down and bit Die's neck, not hard enough to mark, but enough to get Die's attention.

"How's it feel? Are you alright?"

Die's fingers curled tighter around her arms and he nodded, closing his eyes as he moved under her.

"Fuck," he hissed out, his words coming in such a manner it made it obvious he was pleased with everything going on.

Crayne gave a little growl, keeping with a rough pace.

She braced her forearms on the bed and nibbled around Die's collarbones, purring against his skin, "God, boy, you are so fuckin' sexy."

Die's fingers curled tighter around her arms and he nodded, closing Die let out a little tiny whine at the comment, his eyelids fluttering closed as he just clung to her, taking it all in and enjoying the feeling of being filled by something that wasn't just plastic. Crayne picked up the pace a bit, Kaoru tilting his head to try and watch her huge length pounding into Die. He was bruising his own lip, biting at it the way he was, incredibly turned on. Crayne shifted her hips a little, trying to angle more upwards, long nails scratching over Die's nipples.

Die squirmed around a bit and then whispered out, "Choke me," his cheeks heated up something awful.

He wasn't sure where the desire came from, but he suddenly wanted it, wanted the pain of it. Crayne blinked, looking back at Kaoru, who shrugged and gave a nod. Thinking 'fuck it', she put on hand around Die's throat, squeezing at the sides of his neck rather than down over his windpipe, fucking him a bit harder, still. Just that little bit of pressure made him feel good about it, his legs spreading and his back arching as he tried to impale himself even more on Crayne's dick, despite knowing he couldn't get it any further inside him right then. Crayne squeezed a bit tighter, pressing her thumb down against Die's jugular and pulling almost all the way out with each thrust. It didn't even take him but a few more seconds and then he was completely done for, crying out and shuddering as he came rather spectacularly beneath her. Crayne purred and let go of his throat, leaning to dot little kisses over it, slowing down a little.

"I wanna fuck your ass," she whispered, circling her hips and then pulling out.

Die nodded a little and then squirmed around, managing to get on his hands and knees, pushing his ass back toward her.

"Just prep me, please."

Crayne chuckled and smacking Die's ass and then looking at her long nails, thinking. Kaoru laughed and got up, find some lube in the drawer and sitting down next to Die, lubing his fingers and sliding on in, kissing the small of Die's back.

Die purred, not even having to know who's fingers were in him, whispering out, "Kaoru..." in a quite satisfied manner.

Kaoru smiled, kissing up Die's ribs, slipping in another finger and stretching him, fucking him slowly with his fingers and sucking at his lover's skin, Crayne sitting back on her heels and waiting, watching with a smirk. Die arched into the other's touch, his body willingly giving in to his lover, everything about him radiating something completely different from how he was being with Crayne while Kaoru was touching him. Kaoru worked in a third finger, kissing all across Die's back and playing with his neck and ears, fingers tugging at the lobes softly, knowing he'd need to fit all four fingers before Die was ready to take Crayne, certainly not wanting his lover to need to be driven to the hospital tonight. Die's body just sort of pushed back against Kaoru.

"I love you... I love you so much," he let out, almost in tears.

Kaoru nuzzled against Die's hair, stretched out along his back, four fingers in him now.

"I love you, too, baby," he whispered back, Crayne tactfully looking around the room as though she had no idea what was happening.

Pure pleasure and happiness rushed through him and he pushed back against the other, almost purring every few moments. He shivered a bit and closed his eyes, knowing he still needed to be stretched a bit more. Crayne laid down and stretched out on her side, watching them, Kaoru kissing across Die's shoulders and spreading his fingers inside his lover, adding more lube. He was sort of amazed at the ease with which he was managing this, his cheeks heated a bit.

"Mmmggg..." he let out.

Kaoru purred in his ear, sucking at it.

"Are you ready for her cock again, baby?"

Die nodded a little.

"Yes, please."

He clenched a little around Kaoru's fingers and then relaxed again, looking sort of languid. Kaoru nodded and pulled back, kissing Die's ass cheek as he crawled backwards off the bed, going to wash his hands and telling Crayne with a wink that he was all hers again. Laughing softly, she got back up on her knees and lubed her dick, clean hand wrapping in Die's hair as she pushed her head against his tight ring. Die whined a little as she pushed against him, but tried to stay firmly where he was rather than letting her push him forward at all, remaining as relaxed as he could.

Crayne slid in slowly, wanting to give Die time to react so she could stop if he needed her to. Kaoru came back and settled on the bed at the top, back to the headboard. Die didn't have any real issues with his, his body used to such things, though he was a bit confused by the sheer length of what was going into him right then.

Crayne sank all the way in, pressing snug against Die with a little groan, knowing the hug of Die's ass would get her off in a few minutes, max. She squeezed his hip and tugged at his hair a little more before starting some slow thrusts. The moment she set up thrusting into him, he started making those incredibly girly noises that he just couldn't help sometimes, his arms quivering a little under his own weight while he tried to stay upright.

Crayne was highly amused by the noises, Kaoru crossing his legs and subconsciously rubbing at himself a little through his pants while he watched them, Crayne starting to get rougher and rougher until she was back at the quick, hard pace she had been using before. Die whimpered a little bit and then continued right on with his moans and high pitched whines, reaching down under him and playing with his lady-dick a little bit.

Kaoru bit his lip, eyes trained on Die's face, Crayne starting to moan softly, her noises quite feminine, mixing with Die's. She tugged his hair harder, pulling his head back, and slammed into him, getting closer and closer to release. Die peered up at Kaoru, his eyes locking with his lover's. For that long moment, he just stared at the other, his eyes completely open and honest.

Kaoru didn't look away, staring back at Die, wanting to reach out to him, but didn't, Crayne getting louder and clawing at Die's hip as she lost it, cumming with a loud shout, buried in Die's ass. Die let out a loud cry as he felt Crayne start to cum inside him. He could feel the pulse of the other's dick and he craved it.

Panting, he whimpered out, "Touch me," wanting to get off, but not having enough left in him to do it fast enough.

Crayne pressed her forehead to Die's back, panting with a little moan. Kaoru laughed at her and waved her off.

"Give him to me."

She nodded and pulled out, stumbling off the bed and towards the bathroom. Kaoru reached out to Die and tugged his lover closer, turning him around to sit between his legs, Die's back to his chest, and reached around him, one hand stroking his neck, the other wrapped around his cock. Die moved to sit how Kaoru wanted him, leaning back against him with a little sigh.

"Just do it fast, baby," he whispered out, closing his eyes.

Kaoru nodded, jerking him off at a quick pace, sucking on Die's neck, biting at the flesh, wanting to leave a mark. Die let out a soft cry and strained back against Kaoru, his hips pushing upward. Shivering a little bit, he started to ramp up toward his orgasm rather quickly. Kaoru held onto him loosely, working with him, knowing instinctively how to follow Die's movements and give him what he wanted, hand threading through his red hair and lips wrapping around the pale skin of his neck. Die started whining, his eyelids closing as he finally came to his peak. His whole body clenched and then shuddered, a low moan coming out a moment later.

"Fuck, baby," he whispered.

Kaoru pulled his hand away and hugged Die around the waist, nuzzling into his hair and holding him tightly.

"I love you," he murmured softly, sagging against him and trying to catch his breath.

Kaoru gave a little purr and kissing Die's cheek.

"Love you, too, pumpkin."

He pressed his face to Die's neck and held him there for a while, Crayne coming in and putting back on her clothes, waiting on one of them to speak first, always finding post-casual-sex to be a bit awkward. Die peered up at her and smiled softly. He patted the bed.

"C'mere. We don't toss people out on their ear after having sex with them. We don't roll like that."

Crayne laughed, pushing her bangs back behind her ear.

"Ah, actually... I do need to go home. I have work tomorrow and my roommates like to throw a hissy fit if I come in too late."

She bit her lip.

"Could I... um, could I get a ride home?"

Die nodded a bit and pushed himself up.

"Of course."

He quickly went about getting some clothing back on and then gently cupping Kaoru's cheek.

"Be back in a few okay, baby?"

Kaoru nodded, leaning to kiss the tip of Die's nose, getting up and hugging Crayne before going to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Crayne tottered in her heels back out to the yard, making sure she had everything in her purse. Die wandered out after her, scooping up Mako and putting him in the back of the car.

"He hasn't gone for a ride in a while, figure he might like it."

He smiled and then opened the passenger door for Crayne. Crayne made a girlish sound of pleasure, sliding into the car and turning around, patting for Mako to come sit in her lap.

"Hi, cutie!"

Die laughed as Mako jumped over the seat and came to sit with Crayne.

"He loves people."

He wandered around the car and got in, starting up the car.

"So where do you live?"

Crayne made kissy faces at Mako and rubbed his ears, loving on him.

"You know where the bowling alley on 12th is? It's the neighborhood behind that. Not too far, like five minutes."

Die nodded.

"Alright, just let me know if I take a wrong turn."

He pulled out and headed off toward their intended destination.

"So tell me you gave Kaoru your number. He sort of needs more friends in his life that he stays in contact with."

Crayne nodded.

"He has it. We've just been out of touch because I've been in that push-everyone-away phase of the hormones. And that I've been moving around trying to find somewhere I don't hate living and can still afford."

She rolled her eyes and flicked her bangs out of her eyes with a snap of her head.

"I never partied as hard as Kaoru, as he still has managed to be more normal and settled down than me. I knew he had it in him."

Die smiled a bit.

"Trust me, I understand the hormones thing. Going from what I used to be to this was a rough adjustment. And the fact that testosterone makes me always so goddamn horny is... sometimes infuriating. I'm learning to sort of repress it more though."

He shrugged a little.

"It takes the right person and motivation to get to a settling down point I think."

Crayne gestured over herself.

"Well, I've always been a wild bird."

She smiled and pointed at the road up ahead past the light they were sitting at.

"Just keep going straight once you're in the neighborhood, I'll tell you when to turn."

He nodded and turned into the neighborhood, his head tilting a little bit.

"I love your bangs, by the way."

Crayne laughed softly, one hand still rubbing Makoto's back while she pulled her teal bangs into her face and then pushed them back behind one ear.

"Yeah? It's probably why I can't get a decent job, but... fuck it. I'm one more missed rent away from just doing porn."

Die chuckled a little bit.

"Porn... should make your own website. It'd get big hits, trust me."

Crayne scoffed, not looking so amused.

"It's basically the last thing I want to do. I promised myself I wouldn't be that kind of transsexual that ended up going into the sex industry and making herself an object. I mean, not all of them are like that. But for me, that's what it would feel like."

Shaking her head, she pointed out a red house with a porch occupied by two smoking people.

"Thanks for the ride."

Die pulled up and then leaned over and gave her a hug. He hadn't meant to insult her or anything, he just honestly thought when people were blessed with giant dicks, it made sense to get money for it.

He didn't know where to start apologizing, so instead he just murmured, "Have a good night and thank you for tonight. With Kaoru mostly out of commission... it's... difficult."

Not feeling personally offended, Crayne squeezed him tight, kissing his cheek.

"I understand... I really hope he's going to be OK. His mom made it through chemo pretty well, so, let's hope, right?"

Die nodded.

"Let's hope so."

She got out of the car and set Mako back down in the seat, waving. Already, her roommates were shouting at her from the porch, drunkenly throwing out something that sounded like "The Magic Shim", getting the bird from her as she went into the house and immediately up to her room.

He waved and then made sure Mako was safely laying in the seat before heading off toward home, hoping he wasn't going to come home to anything except what he'd left. He didn't want anyone hurling or falling or anything else bad, but he knew with one drunk and his sick bunny that the probability was pretty high.

When Die got back home, Kyo was still passed out asleep, and Kaoru was nearly the same, curled up in the middle of the bed watching TV, all the nights off except for the one over the sink in the kitchen. Die went to go take a shower, doing so very quickly and then going to check on Kyo, a towel around his waist, wanting to make sure he was on his side so that if he threw up and didn't wake up, he wouldn't choke to death. He found him on his side and smiled softly, tucking his hair back behind his ear. Kneeling there, he thought about Kyo and Fea and their love and good thoughts, hoping he would pick up on the thoughts and maybe it'd give him good dreams.

Smiling a little, he got up and wandered to his own bedroom, crawling in bed next to Kaoru and tossing his towel aside. He curled up next to him and tugged the covers up.

Kaoru gave a little hum and stretched, sinking down against the pillows next to Die, wrapping his arms around him and smiling, nuzzling his shoulder.

"I can't wait to be over this crap. I miss fucking you so bad."

"I can't wait either. Not just for that. I want my baby to be well."

He nuzzled him a little and kissed his cheek. Kaoru nodded, frowning a little and nuzzling closer to Die.

"You make it better, you know... I could never do this without you."

Die found himself smiling at that, blushing faintly.

"Do I really?"

Kaoru nodded, getting very sleepy now that he had his favorite pillow.

"Yes. You're so good to me, and I love you so much. What of me wants to give up when it hurts just... can't. I don't want to give you up."

He leaned to kiss his head gently.

"You're not allowed to give up. Iwon't stand for it."

Kaoru shook his head, squeezing Die a little.

"I want a life with you too badly. I want to be your husband, and I want to have babies, and raise them, and grow old. I don't want to die yet."

"Damn right," he murmured softly, giving a little yawn. "You're my baby and you're not going away."

Smiling, Kaoru gave a yawn, as well, nuzzling Die's shoulder.

"I love you, pumpkin."

Another yawn.

"Mmmm... good night."

"Night, baby," he mumbled, nuzzling a little bit again.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven

The next morning was a series of incidents involving various trips to the bathroom, lots of moaning and groaning, and then Die in the kitchen making eggs over medium and toast with apricot jam for everyone, hoping it'd stay down. Just as he was putting the finishing touches on everyone's plates, his phone began to vibrate its way across the counter. Wincing, he put down his spatula and grabbed the phone just before it tipped off into the floor, flipping it open and holding it to his ear.

"Hello?"

The other end of the phone crackled with static for a moment and then someone cleared their throat.

_“Die? It's Gracie from Mr. Rupert's office. He was wondering if Kyo was possibly available to give him a call in the next few hours. He's seen what's happened and wants to speak about what you discussed last time”_

Die smiled happily.

"Actually, Gracie, Kyo's here with me right now. Maybe a meeting would work?"

He could hear her rustling around and then a soft hum followed by,

_"Could he come in around one fifteen? He has a half an hour slot there to squeeze him into."_

"Let me check."

He covered the mouth piece and pegged Kyo with a serious look.

"One fifteen? Meeting with the label I was telling you about?"

He felt so proud right then that everything he'd gone to such lengths to try to find for Kyo was now coming to fruition. Maybe, just maybe, it was the break Kyo needed. Kyo lifted his head, sitting at the counter in a bar stool with his head on his crossed arms, looking bleary and still a bit green. He blinked and nodded before putting his head back down. Kaoru chuckled softly and rubbed the blond's back, hoping he could shake his hangover before this meeting

"He's fine with that. Been a bit... sick, but he should be good for the meeting."

Gracie made a little sound and then there was typing.

_"Okay, so he's in for that meeting. You know where the office is, right?”_

"Yeah, I do. Thanks. See you then!"

He hung up the phone after she told him to have a good day and then quickly went about serving out the food.

"So, given that he's asking for you, I'd say that's a good sign."

Kyo sat up again, looking very unhappy about being alive at the moment. He grunted a little, honestly very thankful and excited, but too aching all over to show it or really even register it at the moment. He started to eat the food mechanically, letting it ground him. Kaoru slipped around to Die's side of the counter and kissed his cheek with a smile. Die blinked at him a bit and sort of just sat down, pushing the meal over to Kaoru and leaning into the kiss. Maybe he was doing this too soon. Maybe Kyo needed time to adjust or something, he wasn't sure. But he figured there wasn't much he could do about that now given that Kyo had been looked up by the guy rather than the other way around. He sighed softly and then dug into his food. After eating, Kyo seemed to return to the living a bit more, getting himself a glass of water and gulping it all down without leaving the sink, putting the glass down and then hugging Die around the shoulders.

"I'll go get a shower, try to make myself presentable."

Die leaned into the touch slightly and nodded a little.

"Okay."

He then went right back to his food, sort of picking at it by then, trying to finish it. Kaoru finished his plates and got up to start doing the dishes, poking at Die.

"Eat, skinny."

He gave him another little kiss, and Kyo was heard starting his shower, thinking he was being quiet about it when he began to sing one of Fea's songs after a few minutes. Die gave a little whine.

"I ammmm."

He stuck his tongue out at Kaoru and went back to his plate again. Die glanced toward the bathroom and smiled a little. He moved to text Fea real fast.

_He's in the shower singing your song. Your bb misses you._

Fea read the text as he was walking down the street to the grocer, frowning, feeling like each inch between he and Kyo in that moment was mocking him, and then feeling like surely they were disgustingly, horribly in love.

_*teary face* I miss him, too. I've been really worried about him after all this. I know he can get really depressed._

_I know. I'm trying to keep my eye on him real well. Maybe we'll have some good news soon though. Things have a way of working themselves out._

He sent it off and finished off his food, getting up to go wash his plate.

_:( I hope so. It's one thing that I could support us both, easily. It's another that he lives to sing and perform. I feel like he'll die of boredom._

Kaoru leaned over and read over Die's shoulder, frowning.

"I hope this works out for him. I can't imagine what this feels like."

"It will... I've been working on this longer than you'd think."

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes.

_I promise, things will work out. *hugs* If I have a damn thing to say about it, it will work out._

Kaoru squeezed onto Die and kissed his cheek.

"I'll call Sita and see if she'll come smoke up with me while you two are out. I know you won’t leave me alone, and I don't want to mess anything up, tagging along to the meeting."

Die peered at him.

"Are you sure? I don't think you'd mess anything up, baby."

Kaoru shook his head.

"It's OK, honey. I wouldn't know what to do, anyway. I think it's best if it's just you two going in. No kinks. This guy is doing Kyo a favor to seek him out like this."

Die reached to trace over Kaoru's cheek with his finger.

"Alright. I hope things work out really well."

He swallowed a little and then smiled, getting up and going to get changed into something a little more upscale for the meeting.

Kyo finished showering and brushed his teeth, towel drying his hair, before digging through his bag for some black dress slacks and a white vintage band tee, tossing both into the dryer after a dousing in Febreeze, a tour trick, and then went to blow-dry his hair straight, realizing it was practically halfway down his back now, with half an inch of roots. He'd have to remedy this as some point, but there was no time now.

Die fished out his red skinny jeans and a black silk shirt, which he actually did up nicely rather than sluttily like he did for work. He put on his good boots and then came back out, sitting on the couch and crossing one leg over the other, waiting on Kyo to be done.

Walking out in his underwear, his hair smoothed down and as straight as it was going to get, Kyo dug his clothes out of the dryer and put them on, going into the bedroom, where Kaoru was reading, to ask if he could borrow a suit jacket. Kaoru of course said yes, and Kyo found one that fit him well, slipping it on and kissing the end of Kaoru's nose, going to tug on boots and get his cellphone and such, checking himself in the mirror in the parlor.

"Alright... I think I'm ready. I don't have a press kit or fucking anything... but I'm ready."

Die reached over and picked up a folder with a CD in it.

"You read that on the way there. It's pretty much a compilation of your career, big moments in it, your talents, and a sampler of your various eras music-wise."

He coughed a little and blushed.

"I sort of... predicted this would happen one day and prepared for it."

Kyo's eyes went wide and he took the folder, following Die out of the car. Getting in, he read over the one-page sheet and made sure his contact info was his professional, not personal contact.

"Holy... holy fuck, Die."

He looked over at his friend, eyes huge.

"Thank you."

Die opened the car and then got in, smiling a little.

"I told you I was working on it and then things just started feeling... off... to me."

He shrugged a little bit.

"So I got prepared for the worst."

He started the car and pulled out, heading off toward the office. Kyo reached over and squeezed Die's knee, so thankful.

"You really are the best friend ever."

He gave a little smile.

"I try."

Die licked his lips a bit and carefully navigated traffic until they pulled in for coffee at a drive-thru for a little book shop that had amazing coffee.

"Want something? We have a while."

Kyo thought a moment.

"Tea. I'm a little nervous..."

Die nodded, smiling softly and ordering his own mocha, then a chai tea for Kyo. He waited while they made them.

"You know, I'm glad things seem to sort of be working out."

Kyo nodded, looking down at his hands and spinning a ring around his left forefinger.

"I really hope things work out soon with me and Fea, too... I mean, the living together bit. We're really not sure how feasible that is, but... I just want to have some kind of space and time we can have together. It kills me when we're apart."

"I think given that he wanted you to come in, maybe things will all work out for the better this way."

He took the two cups and passed Kyo his and then put his in the cup holder, pulling away after paying and heading off toward the meeting.

"There is some good news... I'm caught up on bills finally."

Kyo clapped a little around his tea cup, sipping at it.

"Good! I don't want you two falling further behind."

He laid a hand on Die's knee fondly, slurping down the delicious Chai. It wasn't but a few minutes later before he pulled into the parkinglot and cut the engine.

"Well, here we go."

Kyo took a big, deep breath and let it out, putting the rest of his tea in the cup holder. "OK... I'm ready."

Stepping out of the car, he smooth his hair down self-consciously and waited for Die, not knowing at all where he should go or who to ask for. Die slid out and locked up the car. Smiling happily, he offered his arm to Kyo.

"No worries on him with this. These are your steps toward freedom, Kyo. Revel in it."

Kyo laughed softly, nodding as he took Die's arm.

"Alright, alright. Let's go."

He headed off toward the building and then opened the door. Smiling, he walked into the posh office, across the plush white carpeting and over to the very, very sexy secretary. Immediately she stood up and gave them a rather hasty bow, something that Die would have found odd if not for knowing that the producer took customs very seriously. Kyo found it a little odd, awkwardly bowing back and stepping up to her, licking his lips.

"Ah, I had an appointment?"

Die bowed a bit as well and the girl seemed rather happy as she led him toward the office behind her desk.

"Mr. Keegan has been waiting to meet you. He's heard so much good about you. We all have!"

She opened the door and ushered them both in before leaving. Mr. Keegan stood up and offered his hand out to Kyo, beaming.

"Die! Kyo! It's so good to have you here."

Instinctively, Kyo switched more into his stage persona, seeming cold and strong, giving a tight smile and reaching to shake the man's hand with a curt bow of his head. Rather aloof, hoping the words coming out of his mouth would not turn the situation sour, he let out, "You asked for me?"

The producer settled down on his chair, gesturing at the two leather seats in front of his desk.

"Yes, I did. I heard about the - if I may - bullshit that just went down with your prior label."

It was a bit of arrogance on his part, assuming that Kyo would accept his offer before he ever extended it. But he thought it was well worth it. He crossed one slim leg over the other, leaning back in his seat as he steepled his hands.

"There was no reason for them to do that. If they think sexuality or relationships have a thing to do with selling music, they're dead wrong. If anything, being honest about the artists you represent is helpful to sales."

He glanced at the folder in Kyo's hands.

"May I?"

Yet another assumption on his part.

Kyo cocked a brow, handing the folder over.

"It _was_ bullshit, but unfortunately, bullshit I had agreed to. I can't argue that I breached contract."

"Well, despite that," he waved his hand, "it's sort of irrelevant. You should have never had to agree to such a grievous thing."

He took the folder and flipped through it, reading over things, looking over the photos, and then carefully putting the folder and CD aside.

"I've looked into you and your career. Die mentioned you a few times and when I heard your sound at the club, I knew I had to have you."

Kyo leaned back in his chair, crossing his skinny legs.

"The label owns everything but me. What I've recorded of my album, all my old merchandise and promotional photos. I had a 360 deal, and of course, because I breached contract, I'm not entitled to my royalties anymore. You'd have to offer me a pretty sweet, fail-safe deal after how hard they've fucked me."

He let out a laugh.

"I figure as much."

He reached into a folder and then pushed two pages across the table to him.

"This is the contract I thought you might be willing to bargain with."

He smiled and sat back, waiting on Kyo to read it. It included about a 50% cut for Kyo, pretty much an even split as long as everyone involved got paid up front before the split. He had nothing baring his sexuality or his behavior off the stage. The only real binding parts were that he never record for anyone else until the contract was mutually ended and all official press articles go through their agency first. Kyo read it twice, making sure he didn't miss anything. He bit his lip a little, looking up.

"What about my album? Half of it’s already recorded, but I don't even own it anymore."

Mr. Keegan leaned back again, lacing his fingers together and smirking a little bit.

"That depends. Do you agree to the contract if I tell you I can do something about it?"

Kyo frowned a little, loving those songs, having put his heart into them like all his music, and realizing whether he tried to save his chances at performing again with this, they might be lost, anyway. Leaning forward, he put the contract down on the desk, snagging a pen from a cup and signing the contract in a tilted, thin script, _Tooru Nishimura_ , knowing the legal side needed his legal name, and pushed the contract across the desk.

"You were saying?"

Mr. Keegan took the contract back and then opened his drawer, putting the contract safely inside. Without a word, he extracted a stack of DVDs, placing them carefully on the desk in front of Kyo.

"Are those familiar to you, Kyo? Because I certainly hope they are for what I paid for them."

Kyo's eyes widened, his pulse quickening.

"How did..." He shook his head. "But they own the rights."

"I bought them. I took a half a million dollar bet on you, Kyo. Don't let me down, okay?" He tapped them. "And I want you working on this again as soon as you can possibly stand. Inform your backup band to get their non-proverbial asses down here as soon as possible."

A cold shudder went through Kyo. It felt almost like a threat, but at the same time, his music was back, more or less, in his own possession. At the very least, he could continue working on it. He gripped the arms of the chair a little, nodding.

"Is that all?"

"Don't ever think you have to fear me or anyone working for or with me. I'm not in this business to fuck people over. I'm in it to make money and because it's something I enjoy doing. Any problem you have, don't hesitate to come to me about it. I mean that."

He hesitated, then nodded.

"I don't want a producer."

Mr. Keegan waved his hand.

"You have creative control. I supply what you need when you need it, within reason. And I'll give you hints where you need it, but I don't like to limit my musicians."

Kyo nodded.

"Is there an advance, or just the cut after profits?"

"Do you have living expenses covered or do you need help in that department?"

Kyo shook his head.

"I should be OK. I don't really blow my money."

"Then I prefer just straight up 50/50 when it comes in. But if you need help, just let me know and I'll advance you on predicted sales."

He leaned forward on the desk and gestured at the papers.

"Would you like official copies?"

Kyo nodded, uncrossing his legs and sitting up a little straighter. Inside, he was buzzing and bursting and wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, but he remained calm, his face relaxed and passive. Mr. Keegan pressed a button and the secretary came in, taking the papers and going back out. He then tapped on the stack of DVDs.

"I also have all the paperwork you and your band had for the album. Your prior label owns none of this."

Clearing his throat a little, he gestured toward the direction the secretary had gone.

"Everything has a ten year release on it. After ten years from point of release, you own the rights and I do not unless we re-initiate the contract on each piece of work."

Kyo closed his eyes a little, having to take a breath, then nodded.

"I'll call the band and have them contact you. They'll need work visas to come over here and record."

"That's fine. We'll find a way or else I'll have to deal with going the other direction. But I've already arranged for you all to have the studio on 87th and also a loft apartment big enough for each of you, I think."

Kyo swallowed, nodding again, muttering once more, "I'll call them."

The man stood up and held his hand out.

"I'm happy to have you. I can only hope things work out well for everyone involved. And good luck."

He smiled pleasantly.

Kyo stood and shook his hand, muttering a very quiet "thank you", turning and leaving the office, taking his copy of the contract and heading out the door, going around the corner of the building towards the cars, and collapsing back against the wall, squatted on the sidewalk, already dialing Fea's number. He was in tears, sobbing, trying not to be loud, but as soon as Fea answered, he could hardly contain himself.

"Baby! I can finish my album. Yes! I'm so fucking happy!"

His face was contorted with sobs, overcome with joy, looking around for Die, having the intense urge to crush the man in a hug. Die stayed behind for a moment, thanking the producer profusely and then leaving the office, looking pleased. He rounded the corner and almost tripped over Kyo, gasping and immediately squatting down, looking confused and worried.

"Kyo?"

Immediately, Kyo launched himself at Die, hugging him tightly, pressed to his chest, still on the phone with Fea, rather hysterical.

"No, no... I'm with Die. He set it up. I wish you were here so bad right now, I fucking miss you. I will. I love you, too. Bye..."

Hanging up, he wrapped both arms around Die and sobbed against his chest, muffled cries of "thank you, thank you, thank you!" escaping. Die let out a soft _oomph_ and then groaned, pulling Kyo against him and grinning stupidly.

"Hey, I told you I was working on it. I wasn't actually joking!"

Kyo pulled away, wiping at his eyes.

"You are the fucking best. God. I owe you so much."

Die shook his head and pressed a kiss to Kyo's cheek before pushing the singer's hair back and looking right in his eyes.

"No. This is my repayment, Kyo. This is everything I've owed you."

Kyo let out another blubbering sob, throwing his arms around Die's neck, up on his toes and clinging to his friend, his copy of the contract nearly crumpled in his fist.

"I fucking love you, holy shit."

Die tugged him close, his hands still buried in his hair. Tears sparkled in his eyes though they were hidden because of how close he was to the other. He kissed his cheek again.

"I love you, too, Kyo. You're the best goddamn friend I could ever ask for and you deserve this. You deserve all the happiness you can get."

Kyo clung to him a while longer, finally pulling himself back together, pulling away and wiping at his face.

"Ugh... fuck..." He sniffed and then nodded. "OK, I'm good."

Die produced a tissue and handed it over, wiping at his own eyes with a second one. He held out his hand and then led him back toward the car. Kyo followed back to the car, getting in with a heavy sigh.

"Holy fuck... I feel like I just got sucked through a worm hole. I've gone from having the best trip of my life to feeling like I lost everything, to getting it all back."

Die slid into the driver's seat and buckled up, starting the engine and producing a CD from his pocket. He changed it out and then cleared his throat.

"Apparently... he thought I deserved something for giving you to him."

A moment later Kyo's voice came over the speakers, one of the few mostly completed tracks from before everything exploded. Kyo laughed softly and shook his head, smiling at Die and then singing the unrecorded harmonies at the refrains. He drummed softly on his thighs, fingers pressing against the tops of his legs as if they were the keys of the piano drifting through the song. Die just sort of melted in his seat, listening and watching Kyo with rapt attention and fascination.

Once it was over, he murmured, "Now that you're recording here... I have to come see you record sometimes."

Kyo smiled, nodding.

"Of course."

He patted Die's knee before sinking back into the seat.

"When we get back, can we walk Mako or something? I need to burn off some energy.

""Yeah, he could use the walk. He's been sort of cooped up given how I don't want to leave Kaoru alone."

He pulled out and started back toward home. Kyo gave a deep sigh, emotionally drained. Opening his phone, he typed up a long text in Japanese and mass-sent it to his band members, giving them the contact information for the label.

It wasn't too long before Die appeared back at the house, pulling into his parking area and then pretty much crawling over the seat to plop on Kyo's lap. He grinned down at him and leaned down to nuzzle his nose.

"Happy!"

Kyo made a squawking noise at Die crawling over on top of him, laughing loudly. "You're so weird... yes, I'm very happy!"

He squirmed around on his lap and then settled down, picking up his coffee and taking a sip. Kyo laughed more.

"Are we just going to sit in the car and drink coffee?"

He rubbed Die's back, Makoto barking at the fence, wondering why they weren't coming to open the gate and let him out.

"Maybe I'm quite happy with my newest seat," Die informed, a little smirk dancing over his lips.

Kyo gave Die a strange little look, smirking.

"What is up with you? Did you smoke crack when I wasn't looking?" he teased softly.

"Nope, no crack for me. Just pure happiness for a few minutes."

He sighed softly and then kissed him gently on the forehead before opening the door and getting out. Kyo chuckled and got out, going to let Makoto out of his pen and followed Die into the house. There was the distinct smell of pot still lingering, and Kaoru and Sita were curled up together on the couch in the living room watching TV, Sita rubbing her hand over Kaoru's head. Die wandered in behind Kyo, going to the bathroom to relieve himself first, figuring he'd give away Kyo's good news if he were the first to see Kaoru. And that was Kyo's news to share.

Going into the living room, Kyo waved a little, not wanting to intrude too much, having only met Sita the once and knowing they were both high. Kaoru blinked at him and Sita smiled back. Stretching a little Kaoru, smiled.

"How did it go?"

Kyo nodded, unable to stop the huge grin on his face.

"Really, really well. Basically, it's business as usual, just... here, and I don't have to hide Fea anymore."

Both of them clapped a little, giving quiet "yay"s.

Once Die was done, he exited the bathroom quietly, coming to put his hands on Kyo's shoulders, smiling.

"We were thinking to take Mako on a walk. You two going to be okay for a few more minutes?"

Kaoru made a little groan, looking like he was a bit sick or headache-y, but just wriggled around against Sita, nodding.

"Only if you bring us some chips and hummus."

He smiled a little, eyes closed. Die moved off toward the kitchen, getting the hummus and blue corn chips bringing them back and putting them on the table with a smile.

"There you go."

He reached to cup Kaoru's cheek, smiling softly at him and then pulling away.

"Be back in a bit."

Kaoru nodded, thanking him quietly for bringing the snacks. Kyo was already putting Makoto's leash on, petting him lovingly all over. Die wandered over to Kyo, waiting on him to finish, reaching to get a couple bottles of water and then going out on the back porch, lighting up a cigarette and smiling. Kyo came out and head down the porch, Makoto tugging at the leash, Kyo following his lead, not really caring where they were going, just wanting to walk.

"My head is spinning right now. I can't even think about it; I feel like I'll fall over."

Die followed after him, chuckling softly.

"I can't believe I pulled it off. Trust me, I'm still in shock as well."

Kyo smiled, watching Mako sniff around and prance at the end of the leash.

"I'm so glad... this means I'll be here, too."

He paused to lean over and pull Kyo into a hug.

"So... here's my idea. Come to the vigil tonight, make a brief appearance and tell them

you've got a new label."

Kyo bit his lip.

"I don't know... it's just weird for me, being around fans when I'm not on stage. You don't count, I know you."

He gave him a little smile.

"Five minutes?"

Kyo sighed, turning down a street with bigger houses and more space between them. "Five minutes."

"I'll protect you from their crazy asses, I swear it."

He gave him a bit of a grin and then reached to hug with one arm. Kyo laughed, walking down the shaded street, arm loosely around Die's waist. Suddenly, he stopped, arm extended out as Mako tugged at the leash, trying to get him to keep walking, but Kyo was frozen, standing on the sidewalk, staring at the raspberry painted house; it had a wrap around, Victorian style porch, two stories with an upstairs balcony, a big, green, fenced in yard, and a huge wood and glass front door, with panes of stained glass on either side. Beside the mail box was a For Sale sign. Pulling out his phone, he took a picture of it and sent it to Fea, putting the number on the sign in his phone.

"Clearly, today is the best day of my fucking life."

Die stared at the house, his smile getting even bigger and more vibrant. He tugged Kyo toward the house, walking onto the property and going up toward the front door.

"I wonder if they're there for a walk thru."

Kyo followed, loving the stone walk way and the large magnolia tree in the front. He got up on the porch and shuddered.

"It's got such a good feel to it."

He peered around and then reached to ring the bell, seeing an ashtray on the porch. It seemed to imply that maybe they were still living there before selling it. Kyo looked around the porch, trying to gaze in through the windows, seeing that the front door went straight back to the back door, a wide hallway with the stairs on one side leading up. After a moment, Die just reached over and pressed the bell, a soft tone sounding through the house. A few moments later, the door opened and Die blushed faintly.

"Hi! I live a few blocks that way," he pointed in the vague direction, "and my friend here," for this he pointed at Kyo, "is interested the house. We were just wondering if maybe we could have a really really quick tour if you wouldn't mind too badly?"

The woman that had answered the door looked a bit frail, in her mid-to-late seventies and she smiled kindly at them and then looked down at Mako.

"Ohhhh, he's so adorable!"

She beamed at the dog.

"Mine passed on a few years back. I tell you what. If I can spend a few minutes with him - if he likes that sort of thing - then I'll give you a tour."

Kyo happily handed over Makoto's leash with a big grin, Mako just sitting on the porch wagging his tail, tongue lolled out, looking like he was wearing a big grin. The old woman led the dog inside and then gestured for them to follow her.

"What's his name? He's a beauty."

Makoto trotted along at her side, sniffing around the house. Kyo smiled, answering for Die.

"Makoto."

He looked around the house, following her into the large living room with the high ceilings and the big stone hearth. It was an older home, perhaps from the thirties, but well-kept and spacious. The glass was original and warped, but he adored it.

"How old is this house?" he asked, trying to speak as clearly as possible, knowing that his English was hard enough to understand most of the time because of his thick accent and soft voice, much less for someone who might be hard of hearing.

The old woman led them on a slow tour through the house.

"From the thirties I believe. My granddaughter bought it for us before my husband passed. I just don't need it anymore."

She gestured at the couch.

"I can't even make it up the stairs anymore. So forgive me if the top part is dusty."

She moved to settle down on the couch, patting it until Mako came up beside her.

"I miss Sasha."

Die smiled, watching her, feeling a bit bad for her.

After a moment, she murmured, "Go ahead and look at the rest without me. I trust you boys."

Kyo couldn't help but find this amusing, having assumed an older women like her would have seemed suspicious of long haired Asian men with tattoos, but he smiled at her, his heart doing a little flip at the mention of her husband's name, telling Die in his head, feeling like it was a sign:

_Fea's middle name is Sasha._

Heading around through the kitchen, dining room, and peeking at the utility room and small office downstairs, snapping photos on his phone the whole time, Kyo began going to the upper level, loving the smell of old wood and the colors; everything about the house. Die patted Mako and murmured, "Stay," to him before he quietly followed Kyo around, his eyes bright and happy. If Kyo was so close, it was just walking distance away and it made his heart do flip-flops.

He bit his lower lip when he murmured quietly, "It's such a gorgeous house."

Kyo nodded, smiling as he looked at the two guest rooms, the small bathroom between them, and finally the master suite. It was too perfect. He thought surely he was dreaming. Fea returned his text as Kyo was looking down into the yard from the bedroom.

_Amazing! Where is it?_

Kyo smirked, replying:

_Just down the street from Die and Kaoru._

Die came up behind him, putting his hands on Kyo's hips, peering over his shoulder at his texts, a smile on his face.

"I wonder how much she's asking for it. Since she says no use for it, it's probably not a lot."

Kyo shrugged.

"It doesn't really matter, anyway. Fea's fuckin' loaded."

He smirked a little, having already been told by his lover that he was absolutely not allowed to pay for wherever they decided to live together, that it was his gift to Kyo. He smiled softly and gave him a little squeeze before backing off and putting his hands in his pocket. He tended to be overly affectionate, especially with Kyo and he knew he really shouldn't be so much, though it was impossible not to.

"That's such an adorable present."

Kyo smiled softly, nodding.

"I'm... I'm totally dreaming right now, right?" He looked around the room. "I mean... this will maybe be our bedroom one day soon. Me and him. Ours. That's..." He shivered. "Fuck, this is exciting."

Die's fingertips ran over the windowsill and he smiled softly.

"I love it and I really, _really_ love that you'd be down here so close to me."

Kyo smiled more.

"Me, too. I'll still keep my apartment in Nagoya, obviously, but the label paid the rent on the one in LA, anyway. Fea's probably going to sell his apartment in New York, too, and this will be our US home."

Die looked gleeful, his eyes sparkling as he took hold of Kyo's arm, pulling him toward the stairs again.

"Come on! You need to see how much she wants for it."

Kyo nodded, rolling his eyes with a smile at Die's enthusiasm, going back down the stairs and nodding a little at the women still petting a very content looking Mako on the couch.

"I really love the house," he told her. "How much are you asking for it?"

She smiled and gestured at Kyo.

"Are you going to get married, young man?"

Kyo narrowed his eyes a little, confused.

"Aaaah..."

He shifted a bit, rubbed the back of his head.

"I'm not opposed to the idea, but... the opportunity isn't exactly presenting itself right now. Why?"

"Do you have someone special in your life, young man?" She smiled sweetly at him, her head tilting. "Trust me, it matters."

"Umm..."

Kyo blushed, hoping this wouldn't make her not sell him the house.

"Actually... my boyfriend will be the one actually paying for the house. It will be our first time living together..."

She beamed at him.

"Good! See, I knew to trust you. Gay boys don't steal from old women."

She rubbed Mako's head and then laughed softly.

"So, if you promise to make this house a home, then I'm asking $54,000.”

Kyo nearly choked, first at her comment about not stealing, and then at the price.

"Really? For this place? That seems so low!"

"I don't need the money, boy. I'm on my last legs."

She smiled at him.

"If this house can become a home again, then I want it to belong to you."

Kyo gave her a tiny frown, but nodded.

"Hopefully... that's what it will be. Sixty thousand, then? My boyfriend is in London right now, but I'm sure I can get you the money by the end of the month."

"Fifty four and not a penny more."

She patted Mako's butt a little and he came down from the couch.

"Come by tomorrow sometime if you can and we'll get started on paperwork. And in the meantime, if you boys will take the sign down outside and bring it on the porch, I'd appreciate that."

Kyo smiled and gave a nodded, taking the leash back and thanking her. He let himself out and went to the sign, pulling it up out of the dirt and carrying it up on the porch, setting it down. She followed them out and then quietly asked, "What's your name? Mine is Carol, by the way."

"Oh!" Kyo blushed, not realizing he'd been rude. "I'm sorry! I'm Kyo."

He extended his hand with a soft smile. She took it to shake.

"Well, Kyo," she strained a little saying it, "You seem to be a fine young man, and your friend here," she gestured at Die, "is as well."

Kyo blushed again, holding her hand in both of his for a moment, giving it a fond squeeze.

"Thank you. I'll come by in the afternoon to talk about the paperwork and everything, alright?"

"Sounds good to me," she replied, "I will see you then, Kyo."

She waved a little at Die, who was standing down near the end of the driveway smoking his cigarette, a huge grin on his face. Kyo smiled at her and nodded, going down the porch steps with a little skip in his step, grinning at Die. He couldn't even speak, didn't know what to say about how amazing he felt just then. Die linked arms with Kyo, smiling stupidly as they walked along.

"You'd be so close," he murmured again, his eyes sparkling happily.

Kyo grinned widely.

"Yup. No more missing each other all the time. I mean... there will still be when I'm touring and in Japan. But far less time apart, from both you _and_ Fea."

Die nodded.

"I know there will always be times away, but I'm glad that you would be closer."

Kyo beamed and hugged Die's arm to his side.

"Me, too. Now even if Fea's gone, I won’t be lonely."

Die smiled softly at him and then thought to himself that if he needed a moment away he would have somewhere to go for a few minutes. Kyo skipped a little, heading around the block again, humming to himself.

"If I'm imposing, by the way, I can always go somewhere else. I realize I just dumped myself in your lap and invited myself into your home."

"No, no," Die shook his head and then sort of stopped and looked a little ashamed. "To be honest... I'm glad to be dealing with something else for a little bit. I get to these points where I think if I have to deal with one more thing about cancer, I'm going to explode. And your sort of walked in on the middle of one of those points. So, in a way... your crisis saved me from my own."

Kyo frowned, feeling awful for Die just then. He reached out and hugged him, Makoto tangling them up in the leash immediately, wrapping around their legs. Kyo sighed and hugged onto Die.

"I'm so sorry..."

Die clung to Kyo for a long moment.

"I feel like a terrible person... like I should never feel that way. But it just sort of... builds up."

Kyo didn't know what to say, hanging on to Die until the other was ready to pull away. "You know he loves you so much for sticking by him, right?"

Die hugged him until he was okay, making Mako let them free of one another.

"Yeah, I know. I just... I wish I could know things would be alright sometimes. It gets so hard at some points, just thinking about what would happen if... you know."

He couldn't even say it, just shaking his head. After a moment, he let out a bitter little laugh.

"I'm sorry, I suck. I just rained all over your parade."

Kyo shook his head, stroking Die's cheek.

"You'd get through it, somehow. You're so much stronger than you think. But... hopefully you won’t have to find out, anyway."

He reached for Die's hand, starting back around the neighborhood towards the house. Die took comfort in that hand wrapped tightly around his own. He'd always sort of had a thing for Kaoru and Kyo's hands. They were so gorgeous in such different ways and he always felt like it was reassuring to hold either of their hands, even more so than a hug for whatever reason. His long fingers linked with Kyo's and he smiled at him.

"See, now you can do something like this, and no one can have an issue with it."

Kyo chuckled a little, nodding.

"It feels a lot better. I know I'm going to be mad all over again if people start treating me like I'm a ‘gay artist’, but, I have to pick my battles, right?"

"Yup, pick your battles definitely."

He squeezed his hand a little and smiled happily. Getting back to the house, Kyo let Makoto off his leash and put some fresh, cold water in his bowl, going to bother Kaoru and Sita again, snuggling up next to Kaoru and pulling the photo of the house up on his phone. Kaoru squinted at it and then blinked.

"Heeey... is that that house down there?"

Kyo nodded, grinning.

"Is it for sale?"

The blond smiled wider.

"Not anymore. Well... more than likely not. I love it, but Fea's got to give it the OK and everything first."

Die watched Kyo deal with Mako and smiled happily. It always felt so good having his best friend and his lover in the same house. He wandered after him into the living room, sitting on the floor at Kaoru's feet since Kyo took the couch next to him. And he watched, his eyes sparkling and a happy grin on his face. Kaoru flopped a hand out and pet Die's hair, Sita asleep, curled up against the arm of the couch. Kyo gave a happy little bounce and then quieted himself, not wanting to wake her, chewing on his lip. Die peered up at Kaoru.

"He'll be here! Here with us!"

Kaoru gave him a very stoned smile, wrapping his fingers around Die's hair.

"Finally, somebody for you to play with, right?" he teased, nudging Kyo with his foot.

Die laughed softly.

"See, I never managed to get enough playing in as a child, so now I need a playmate."

He smirked and shook his head. Kaoru laughed a little, looking up at Sita.

"A nap sounds like a good idea right now."

He pouted at Die.

"Will you come curl up with me?"

Die judged the couch and then got up, holding out both hands, one to Kyo and one to Kaoru.

"Bedroom?"

Kyo looked at him and smiled, shaking his head.

"I'm too excited to sleep. I'm going to go write an email to the band."

He stood up and kissed both of their cheeks, Kaoru getting up and hugging onto Die. Die nodded and then took off toward the bedroom with Kaoru, going and pulling down the sheets, stripping down to his boxers and then curling up and reaching out for him.

"C'mere, baby."

Kaoru gave a big dopey grin, watching Die get nearly naked and then crawling onto the bed after him. He curled up against Die's chest happily, squeezing onto him and tangling their legs together, letting out a muffled little "I love you".

"I love you, too, sweetheart," he murmured before closing his eyes and letting himself start to drift into a peaceful state that wasn't quite sleep, but something close to that.

 

 

**To Be Continued…**


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven

The next two months seemed a bit brighter, despite the growing cold. Kaoru was getting weaker, but the MRIs showed that the chemo was having some effect on the tumor, shrinking it slightly. Sachiko had given birth to a lovely baby boy, Katashi, that so far Kaoru had only seen in photos. His family had been passing a cold around to each other since the child's birth, and as much as he wanted to hold his nephew, he couldn't risk getting sick.

Meanwhile, Fea had flown in from London and gone about all the proper paperwork to buy the house. Kyo spent his weekdays at the studio, pulling together the album, and his weekends painting and moving things in, getting rid of the LA apartment and making a home, instead, with his lover. They were both quite calm about it, outwardly; it did, after all, feel very natural. But on the inside, there was bursting amounts of excitement to have taken such a step. A week after Halloween, a pumpkin still on their porch, they deemed the house officially moved into, more or less, and invited Die and Kaoru over for a sort of house warming dinner.

Die had gone in to work early that evening, prepping a new boy for work for the night. But he'd been home after an hour and then gotten Kaoru ready to go, taking Mako with them as well.

Standing at the door, he murmured, "Baby, are you up for walking over there or should we drive?"

Kaoru tied a light gold scarf around his head, humming.

"I think I'd like to walk, actually..."

He slipped on sandals and took Die's hand, squeezing it. Die took hold of Kaoru's hand and then left the house, locking it behind them. Smiling softly, he moved down the street toward Kyo and Fea's new home, his eyes bright. Makoto trotted along at the end of the leash, Kaoru holding it loosely. He walked close to Die, seeming content to be out of the house.

"I love how happy this makes you... having them close, I mean. I feel like you've been down a lot, you needed a good pick-me-up."

Die peered over at him and then nodded a bit.

"It feels good to know my safety net just got larger."

He squeezed Kaoru’s hand lightly. Kaoru smiled and kissed Die's shoulder, walking slowly, playing with Die's engagement ring like he was always so prone to do. When they came up to the house, the front door was unlocked, Fea and Kyo in the kitchen, cooking and currently laughing quite loudly, throwing tomato slices at each other. Die knocked on the frame, grinning at the sight.

"We're here!" he announced.

Kyo leaned around the archway, shouting, "It's open!", fending himself off from more flying pieces of fruit.

Die led the way inside and then took Mako.

"Should we leave Mako outside or...?"

He peered trying to see Kyo more clearly. Kyo went to the back door, a straight shot from the front, and opened it, ushering them in.

"The gate's closed, you can let him run in the back yard."

Die went to the back yard and made a once over of it making sure there were no holes in the fence. He then let him off his leash and stroked his little puppy head, smiling happily before he got up and went back into the house.

"So..." he looked around, "got everything put away finally?"

Kyo was all smiles, something that seemed almost odd for him. He wiped his hands off on the dish towel in his hands and then shrugged.

"Almost, almost..."

He grabbed them both and tugged them towards the living room.

"Come look!"

Ushering them into the space, the waved Vanna White style at the baby grand in the corner by the bay window. Die immediately cooed at it, going to run his hand over the edge.

"It's gorgeous!"

He reached to press one single key, licking his lips a little and then smirking.

"Now I get to hear you play more often, right?"

Kyo laughed a little, nodding and sitting down at the leather bench and starting to play a Ben Folds Five song, a secret love of his, the first thing that popped into his head. Die listened to Kyo, his hand on the edge of the piano, his eyes bright. Kyo's playing was so gorgeous and he always loved it. Kyo just sort of went off from the piano groove, improvising, looking at Die.

"We're making kiev and potatoes a big sort of Greek style salad and there's a cheesecake in the fridge."

Kaoru actually moaned quietly, standing behind Kyo. Die grinned at him, sliding onto the bench next to Kyo and watching his fingers dance across the keys.

"Sounds amazing, you guys are so sweet."

Kaoru perched himself on the last bit of the bench, watching Kyo play, as well, wishing he'd brought his camera. Fea came out from the kitchen and clapped happily.

"Yay, you're here!"

Die got up when Fea came out, rushing at Fea and grabbing him, huggling him tightly.

"Feaaaa~!"

Fea laughed and picked Die up off the floor a little in a big bear hug.

"Hey, you!"

He hugged him tightly for a moment before letting go, going over to kiss both of Kaoru's cheeks. For a few moments, Die wrapped his legs around Fea's hips for a moment before he put him down and he grinned happily at him, going back to sit next to Kyo. Kyo stopped playing and kissed both of their cheeks.

"Come on, then, let's finish dinner up, and then after, we can give you guys a quick tour. It isn't finished yet, for sure, but we aren't living out of boxes anymore."

Die grinned at him and then stood up, heading toward the kitchen.

"Dinner... I'm hungry!"

Fea took Kaoru's hand and set him down at the table, giving him some ice water and a kiss on the forehead before going back to the food, waving Die over. He cut open a chicken breast stuffed with cream cheese and herbs, declaring it perfect.

"Kiev! It's so easy to make, honestly, I have to teach you."

Die came over and stared at it, sniffing at it.

"I've never had it before, but it smells good."

Fea laughed a little and waved him off to sit beside Kaoru at the table.

"I'll make plates, sit down, sit down! You're guests!"

Die hugged him around the waist for a moment before he went over to sit next to his lover, putting his napkin in his lap and crossing his legs at the ankles. Fea artfully put together four plates with the chicken, potatoes, some green beans, and bowls of Greek salad, Kyo taking them to the table and asking them both what they'd like to drink. Kaoru’s stomach growled just at how amazing the food looked. Die opened his mouth and then closed it again before finally thinking out what he wanted to drink that wasn't a beer or a glass of wine.

"Do you have soda of any kind?"

Kyo then smiled, nodding. He got some ice in a glass and poured strawberry Fanta over it, having figured out it was Die's favorite and coming to like it quite a bit himself. He poured some iced green tea for him and Fea and finally settled with his lover down at the table with them, declaring, "Well, dig in!"

Die beamed at him when he came back, instantly knowing what the drink was. He picked it up with both hands and took a sip, making a little sound of pleasure before putting it down and then then picking up his fork and knife, cutting into the chicken.

Kaoru tried the green beans first, purring. They were simply steamed and coated lightly in butter and garlic salt, but they were absolutely perfect and delicious. He nudged Fea's foot under the table with a smile.

"This is really, really good."

The tall man grinned and nodded his head towards his lover.

"Actually, Kyo made the beans."

The blond perked up and nodded, looking pleased.

Die was busy eating the chicken, but when it was said that Kyo made the beans, he quickly tried some of those as well, making a surprised sound.

"Honestly I usually hate green beans, but these are amazing!"

Kyo actually blushed at that, smiling around a bite of chicken.

"I put the salad together, too."

Fea murmured something in Russian to him and Kyo gave a soft laugh, both of them leaning in towards each other to share a short kiss before going back to their meals. Die reached to get some salad next and then some potatoes, really enjoying the whole thing. It was just amazing and he enjoyed it almost far too much, his eyes bright and happy.

Kaoru ate quietly, admiring the spaciousness of the house and the view into the backyard, where Makoto had found a stick to gnaw on, laying the grass with it between his paws, teeth gnashing at it. He ate in small, slow bites, wanting to save room for cheesecake. It was a rare day where he, thankfully, wasn't nauseous, and could actually enjoy the food their friends had been kind enough to prepare. Die watched Kaoru carefully without actually looking like he was watching him, knowing he'd been having issues with keeping things down lately. The last thing he knew Kaoru would want would be to be sick in front of their friends and he knew for whatever reason he had come to be able to tell it was coming before Kaoru could sometimes. Fea reached over and pat Kaoru's wrist, giving him a little smile.

"How are you feeling?"

Kaoru looked up, blinking, then gave a soft smile and a shrug.

"Good. I mean, good for this, you know?"

Fea nodded understandingly.

"The fact that the tumor is actually getting smaller makes it easier to stand, I guess... but I still feel like shit most days. I suppose I'm getting used to it, though."

Die flicked his eyes back down to his food, eating quietly throughout the entire conversation, savoring the various flavors and enjoying them to the fullest extent. Kaoru and Fea finished first, Fea collecting their plates and Kaoru getting up, insisting on helping start the dishes. Kyo smirked at them, reaching to touch Die's knee.

"He looks better," he whispered. "I mean... I know he's kind of getting worse, but he looks better."

Die looked over at Kyo once Kaoru had departed the room and the other man spoke.

"Mmm... yeah, I think it's given him hope that it's shrinking down. He can endure more this way."

Kyo gave him a soft smile, nodding and finishing the last bit of his dinner, relaxing back in his chair.

"This feels... so good, Die. Being closer to you, living with him, being somewhere that isn't such a big city... I love it."

Die let himself smile, putting his fork on the plate.

"I honestly love the fact that you're here and I love it more since you love it."

His eyes met Kyo's.

"I think we both needed out support network closer, you know?"

Kyo gave a soft smile, it reaching his eyes.

"Yeah, I think you're right."

He pointed at Die's plate, starting to stand.

"Are you done?"

Die nodded, rubbing his belly a little.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't eat nearly as much anymore."

He made a little face and lowered his voice to a whisper.

"With him throwing up every day it's hard for me to even think about food."

Kyo frowned, taking his plate and going to help the other two clean up a bit. Die offered a soft, "Sorry," after Kyo, knowing it wasn't the most fitting conversation for food. Kyo brought back cake and hot Earl Grey tea, Kaoru settling down and smelling the tea with a smile, taking a sip and eating little bites of the cake. He shifted a little closer to Die, a hand on his lover's knee.

"So how much are you guys thinking of redecorating?"

Fea almost groaned.

"I can't think about it right now. My head will explode. Things have sort of come together as we've unpacked, but... for right now, it's a matter of settling in. I'll decorate later."

Die peered a little at the tea and cake, sort of wanting some tea and wishing to save the cake for a little while, but not asking for anything right then. Instead, he just leaned back in his chair, his hand on the little bump the food had created in his belly, fingers idly feeling over it and his mind wandering off toward if it was a real child and not a food baby.

"It looks really nice," he murmured.

Kaoru pushed a cup of tea towards Die, Fea giving him a smile.

"I love it. I think we got lucky, for certain."

Kyo laid his hand over his lover's with a soft smile. They sat quietly and watched the sky turn pink as the sun set before Fea gave a stretch.

"Well, would you like an official tour, then?"

Die took the cup of tea and sipped at it, his eyes flicking up to Kyo, his face breaking into a huge smile.

"Yes!"

Kyo took Kaoru's arm and helped him up, Fea leading the way back through the kitchen.

"We painted over in here. It was... I dunno. Yellow? Stained? It was gross. So we made it green. The fridge is also new."

He continued through to the office and utility room. It was a bit of a mess, both of their books and instruments and computers shoved into a tiny space, but there was a sort of organized chaos feel to it.

"Um... we're still working on all of this. But I love having an office."

Kyo laughed, thinking off the silly fights they'd had about how messy and unmanageable the room had proven thus far. Die followed along behind them all, peering at everything. He pushed the ice maker on the way past and pushed the piece of ice into his mouth, walking along sucking on it. Taking them through the living room, Fea put his hands on his sharp hips, pointing out a wall rather well juxtaposed with proper English portraits and Japanese prints.

"Those are my family. This one," he pointed at a sharp-faced man with a large mustache that was haunting similar to Fea, "is from about 1685? On my mother's side, of course."

Kyo seemed to beam, obviously enjoying his lover's past, the fact that such a wild man came from, essentially, British nobility both fascinating and amusing him. Kaoru leaned in and looked at both the portraits and the prints, finding that surely Fea and Kyo were a good match if only for them both having rather impeccable taste. Die peered at all the photos in pure fascination. He loved seeing the things he wasn't told and felt odd about snooping around about. He sucked the ice cube between his lips and slurped on it a bit, studying each photo and print. After a moment, he nodded, stuffing the ice cube in his cheek.

"Name?"

Fea blinked, pointing to the old portrait with a question look.

"Him? That would be my... hmm... a lot of greats grandfather, Tobias White. He was the Duke of what is now part of Kidlington, north of Oxford, where I grew up."

Die's face lit up a bit and he peered closer.

"Duke... wow."

He reached to pat Fea's arm.

"You know you have to take me to these places sometime, right?"

Fea laughed softly, shaking his head.

"Would if I could. The titles are only that in Britain anymore, but those that hold it take it very seriously. I'm very glad to be out of all that mess, honestly. My family has basically disowned me, but... I still have all the family money my mother passed down to me, and things like this."

He gestured at the portraits.

"I don't know why, but I always feel almost ashamed? I think that's the right emotion... that I grew up so fucking privileged. I'm thankful for the education I was able to get because of it, all the travelling and exposure I had to the world, but the sense of being better than other people made me sick. I had to leave it."

Die just squeezed his arm again.

"Even if things with family are terrible, at least the country is beautiful."

Fea chuckled, a little embarrassed, nodding at Die's simple response.

"Yeah, I guess it is nice. Maybe one day, I'll figure out a way to drag you over, OK?"

He started upstairs, Kyo close behind, helping Kaoru. Fea showed them the guest rooms first, mostly empty other than things they hadn't found places for yet, and the guest bathroom which was all rose colored and tile.

"This is all getting re-done. It's... terrible and I hate it."

Kyo laughed, nodding his agreement. Kaoru sort of covered his mouth and tittered, following along to the master bedroom. Obviously, the most time had been spent here, putting it all together with shelves and furniture, a huge bed against one wall, the colors warm, but muted, soothing and earthy. Fea walked in and waved his arms around.

"I really, really love this room, even though the ceiling is pitched in the corners," he pointed to the far corners of the room, "and I've walked right into them a few times."

Kaoru gazed around the room, rather liking the color scheme, smiling at how their things fit together so well. Die followed them up and around the rooms, smiling happily at the results of their things in the house together. He moved through the house as if on air, his spirits high for the time being.

"You guys are really turning this into a home, not just a house... just like she wanted."

Kyo smiled, letting go of Kaoru and going to hug onto Fea. He nodded a little and then gestured towards the bathroom.

"I really love the master bath; it's a lot like yours, just bigger."

He hung in the door way, letting them see in. The colors were a frosty mint and grey, but it had a glass standing shower and a claw-footed tub, the vanity and sink and toilet separated from the shower and bath by a thin divider wall. Kaoru made a little sound, taking Die's arm, impressed. Die peered in at the claw-footed tub and smiled. "

I've always loved claw-foot tubs. They're gorgeous."

Kyo smirked and tugged them towards the huge bed, Fea laying down with Kaoru, making the other giggle softly and curl up against the tall man. Kyo laid out on his back beside them and reached for Die. Die just sort of tumbled with them, sitting down next to Kyo and blinked at them all. He bounced a little on the bed.

"Nice mattress, I think when we get a new one it'll be a pillow-top."

Fea smirked, blurting out, "Wanna take it for a test ride?"

Kaoru giggled behind his hand, not surprised by anything anymore, though he and Fea had shared tea together a few days ago and had talked over a few things, anyway. It wasn't really such a surprise to him. Die's eyes widened and he flushed rather pink around the edges.

"I... well..."

He glanced over toward Kyo and then at Kaoru, wondering what was going on exactly. Both of them laughed, Kaoru sitting up and going over to the day bed in the bay window to watch, smirking. Fea rolled a little and blushed a bit at Die.

"Kaoru said you like fisting?"

He reached out and laid a hand on Die's bicep, his hand going all the way around it, his forefinger just brushing his thumb.

"I've got some pretty massive hands."

Die flushed brightly and then bit his lip. He stared at Fea's hand on his bicep, shivering a little bit. After a moment, he nodded and then whispered out, "I do..."

With a smirk, Fea moved closer, Kyo up on an elbow and watching them. A tattooed arm looped around Die's waist and tugged him closer, full lips tugging up more.

"Well then... would you like a challenge?"

Die squirmed a little bit and then slowly sank into it, trying not to feel so incredibly insecure like last time he'd been allowed to have sex outside of him and Kaoru. This was Fea and Kyo; this he knew how to deal with. Casual. Pleasurable. And within his safety zone.

Slowly, he tangled one leg with Fea's, moving over him and then whispering, "I'll take the challenge as long as you go slow with it."

Fea chuckled, leaning down and kissing Die's neck.

"Of course. I wouldn't want to hurt you."

His long, broad hands smoothed over Die's back and came around to the front of his jeans, pulling them open as his lips and teeth teased at the other's throat. Die groaned happily at the contact, his hips arching toward the other man. His eyes closed and he just clung to Fea for the time being.

"It's been a while," he murmured quietly.

Fea pulled back and kissed Die's brow, nuzzling on him for a moment.

"I'll go easy on you, swear it."

Smiling softly, he slid off the bed, onto his knees, tugging Die's jeans and underwear off. He settled between those long thighs, pulling Die to the edge of the mattress, nuzzling against the inside of his pale, slim legs, just admiring his unique genitalia. Smirking, he made a fist and held it up, just to show Die, resting his tattooed hand against Die's pelvis so the other could compare to see how much space he would take up inside the other. Die shuddered at the treatment, moaning softly and reaching toward Kyo, his hand flailing a little. He wanted his anchor into reality. He peered down at what Fea was showing him, gasping softly for breath.

"So big," he let out, whimpering softly.

Kyo took Die's hand, squeezing it between both of his own, laying arm's length away, propped up to watch. Fea chuckled softly at Die and then trailed his hand down, fingers stroking his tiny cock and then up and down his slit, honestly excited and already feeling himself getting hard. Die squirmed a bit more, then settled down and just allowed himself to get excited right along with Fea. His cock twitched a little and he moaned happily at the contact on it.

"Suck it," he breathed out, just needing to get as excited as he could with it.

Fea was surprised at the command, but didn't object. Wetting his plump lips, he leaned forward, fingers still stroking as he sucked on Die's huge clit, his tongue wrapping around it easily. He sucked hard, wrapping his mouth around the base of it, teeth against the piercing. Die groaned, his hips arching up into the touch. After a few long minutes, he finally gently tried to push Fea's head down a little further, to lick at his slit, knowing he needed all the wetness he could possibly get.

Kyo and Fea both let out an almost identical laugh at Die's little push, Fea obliging and slipping down further, tongue exploring his lips and then darting into him, sucking at him. Kyo left Die's side for a moment and placed a bottle of silicon lubricant on the bed beside Fea before lying back down. Fea found it blindly and poured some onto his fingers, still sucking at Die's pussy, tongue stabbing into it as far as he could. Die let out a groan, arching his hips up and moaning softly. He hadn't been eaten out in a while and as much as he'd once hated it, he loved it now. It was something new having Fea do it, his mannerisms different than Kaoru's.

Fea continued for a while longer before pulling back, smirking at Die and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before tracing lube-covered fingers over him again, pressing one in slowly, keeping the pressure towards Die's front wall. Die squirmed around, moaning happily at everything Fea was doing. He spread his legs further and then placed his hand against Fea's.

"More," he whispered.

Fea chuckled, pushing in a second finger, scissoring it a bit before squeezing in a third, deciding to start there, starting to slowly fuck Die with them. Die groaned, perfectly happy with having three fingers in him for the time being.

"It's been a while," he murmured out, trying to relax himself.

It'd been a while since he'd done anything at all, much less something like this, so he was more than a little bit tight. Kaoru watched from the day bed, at least still enjoying to watch, thinking absently that three of Fea's fingers was nearly the size of his own cock. He wasn't sure if that meant he was small of Fea really did have large hands. Perhaps both.

At the comment, Fea gave a tiny purr and kissed Die's thigh, slowly fucking him with his fingers, crooking and stretching them, scissoring them around. He started moving a bit faster after a moment, seeing if he could get Die off in hopes that would make it easier to fist him. Die immediately started moving with him, horny as all hell. He started letting out his little girly 'ah-ah' noises every few moments, his fingers tightening around Kyo's, his eyes rolling back in his head at the pleasure of it.

Kyo smirked, giving a little chuckle at Die's reactions, always so lively, and moved a bit closer to him. Fea stayed steady with his pace, stroking up towards Die's g-spot, while his lover leaned into the redhead's ear and growled filthy things in French to him, knowing Die got off on such things. Die's eyes snapped over to Kyo, his head turning a little bit to watch him speak to him like that. His hand moved to grasp Kyo's hair a bit harshly.

"Japanese," he breathed out to him, his lower half working right along with Fea.

Kyo gave a laugh and growled, switching languages flawlessly.

"Let him tear open your fucking cunt, leave you sore for days. You're such a good little slut, you fucking take it so well."

Kaoru's eyes went wide, but he said nothing, shocked, but amused. Die groaned, pushing down toward Fea's hand.

"Yes, yes, rip me fucking open, make me hurt _so_ good!" he hissed out.

Kaoru had to cover his mouth not to laugh at how bold and dirty his lover could be, Kyo simply growling loudly in Die's ear. Fea was fucking Die with his fingers harshly now, Kyo hand coming down to jerk Die off, knowing Fea was trying to get Die to cum to relax him more. Die gnashed his teeth at Kyo's growl, baring them to him, a rather disobedient look in his eyes. A rough moan left him at the touch on his cock, a shiver wracking his body.

Kyo jerked him off at the same pace Fea was finger-fucking him, his lover looking persistent, almost glaring at Die's pussy, as though challenging it to dare not to cum for him. Kaoru found it all very amusing, resting against the soft pillows on the daybed. Almost out of nowhere, Die's inner walls clenched and then spasmed, wetness gushing out around Fea's fingers. For once, Die just arched off the bed, a soft inward gasp being his only reaction to the orgasm, his eyes a bit glassy. Fea gave a small sound of victory as Die came over his hand, Kyo laughing a little before moving back, taking Die's hand again. Fea slowed his movements, making them tenderer, and kissed Die's thigh, pulling his fingers back and slipping in a fourth.

"You still alright?"

"Yeah," he breathed out, settling down on the bed and spreading his legs as much as he could, relaxing. He turned his head toward Kyo and then murmured quietly, "Suck on my nipples?"

Kyo smirked at him, giving a sigh like he was being really put out by that, winking at Die to let him know he was kidding, and leaned over the other, licking at the caramel nubs and suckling on them softly. Fea pushed his fingers up to the last knuckle inside Die, massaging against the tight muscles and sort of rocking his hand, pouring more lube over his knuckles and testing the waters on how much Die could take. Die let out a soft little sigh of pleasure, letting his muscles spasm a few more times before he pushed closer to Fea's hand. His hand came to rest in Kyo's hair, petting over it gently. He took in Fea's fingers, not at his limit yet, for certain.

Fea carefully sank his hand in further, his thumb resting against the base of Die's cock. Kyo bit Die's nipple and gave him a look before moving to the other nipple, looking down to see how much Fea had managed to get in already, a shiver of excitement going through him just to watch. Die let out a little gasp of surprise at the bite.

"Yes," he mumbled, looking sort of like he was getting a high off of this.

Kyo and Fea gave a little chuckle in the same manner as Fea began to slowly fuck Die with most of his hand like that, feeling the other's body give around his hand, hard as a fucking rock in his jeans, but ignoring it. Die's breath simply huffed out and then slowly, shakily came back in.

Over and over, his body squirmed on the bed in the very relaxed sort of manner that was rather indicative of someone rolling on something pretty strong. Perhaps the best part of the whole thing was that he wasn't on anything at all. Kaoru watched his lover's natural high, biting his lip, missing being aroused. The sensation, truly, had not come to him in months now. The image before him reminded him of its ghost, though, and he shivered in its absence.

Fea kept an eye on Die, Kyo doing the same, one hand against his chest while he continued to suckle and bite at his nipples. After a minute or so more, Fea tucked in his thumb, very carefully pushing it forward, everything all but dripping with lube by now, watching Die for a reaction as he pushed. It got a little tense for him, the push more of a burn. But he didn't mind it, didn't actually want it to stop. He whined softly, hips arching for a moment before settling back down onto the bed and wriggling around again, making his breathy little sounds.

"Dream," he muttered out, not even making any sense.

Kyo gave Die an odd little look, sitting up and just petting him for a while, watching to make sure he was really OK. Fea pushed slowly, sinking nearly up to his wrist, fingers still extended. He paused there a moment before beginning to twist his hand, very slowly, not wanting to hit anything sensitive and hurt Die. He closed his eyes and pushed his hips down toward him, rocking his hips a little bit in place. It felt so good to him, good enough he was just sort of floating around in la-la land.

Kyo made sure Die didn't drift too far off, knowing sometimes pain receptors were down when someone entered "sub space", which is exactly what it seemed was happening to Die. Fea went slowly, working his hand around until he felt it was safe to try more, the last step. Pulling his hand out, he curled it into a fist, trying to make it as small as possible, and spread Die's lips, carefully pressing against what he was sure was already a sore hole, and pushed. Die just continued on with what he was doing, squirming around and holding onto Kyo's hair and the bed sheets in the other fist. The moment Fea started to push his fist against him, he let out a long whine, his hips pushing toward him, trying to help. Fea kept pressing, shushing Die.

"Relax, relax... it's OK."

Kyo tugged a little at the hand in his hair, nuzzling Die's chest, turning his head to watch as his lover was now essentially wearing Die's pussy as a bracelet. Die tried to calm himself, his eyes opening and peering toward Kyo. He mouthed out words, though no sound came out as he said them, his pupils completely blown out.

Fea kept his hand still, moaning softly at the visual and the tight feel of Die clutching around his hand, his other rubbing at his dick through his jeans. Kyo looked at Die and then after a fraction of a second, crawled down and gently took Die's cock into his mouth. Die sank even further into his state the moment Kyo's lips wrapped around him, hips body going lax and his breathing quickening. Tilting his hips a tiny bit, he just waited there, moaning quietly. Fea bit his lip and Kyo sucked at Die slowly, not wanting to send him too far into overdrive. Cautiously, Fea began to move his fist, twisting it and moving it slightly deeper, then back. Die whimpered a little bit and then started to let out these little sighs that were a sure sign that he'd cum again soon.

Fea was feeling particularly close, himself, just watching as Die got off, Kyo sucking a little harder, moaning softly and watching Fea's wrist, right in front of his face, twist and push, knowing his lover's whole fist was inside Die. It wasn't too much longer before Die finally lost it, letting out a thin wail and then shuddering as he started to cum. Fea let out his own sound, feeling Die squeeze his hand, almost painfully tight, feeling pleased and horribly aroused, ready to fuck _something_. Kyo sucked at Die until he felt the other start to calm down, working his way back up his body to stroke his hair. Fea stayed inside Die for a moment longer and then pulled his fist out carefully, looking at it, bright red from the heat and tightness, giving a little growl.

Die lay there, mumbling under his breath, breathing out a soft sigh of pleasure every now and then. He huffed out a breath and then shivered slightly, a little smile coming over his lips.

"Feels so good," he murmured softly.

Standing, Fea went to the bathroom and cleaned his hands, coming back with a ravenous look in his eyes. He shooed Kyo off and made a few commands in Russian, his lover immediately getting up and stripping down, revealing he was also hard from watching. He grabbed the husband pillow from the floor by a small bookshelf of manga and put it on the bed, sitting on the edge and leaning back against the pillow while Fea yanked off his shirt and pointed at Die, looking like a man not to be questioned.

"Sit on his cock."

When Fea ordered him to sit on Kyo's dick, Die didn't even hesitate. He pulled himself up and moved over Kyo, straddling him and sinking down on his dick, wrapping his arms around Kyo and sort of leaning on him, his eyes closed as he made a soft, pleasant sound. Kyo put his hands on Die's hips and laughed softly at him, watching Fea nearly trip in his haste to take his pants off. Once he was nude, however, he came over to them with a determined look, bracing his knees on the bed and getting in level with Die's pussy, Kyo pulling out a bit and letting his lover rub the head of his cock against his own shaft. Fea growled and started ordering him around in Russian again and Kyo pulled out until only the head was barely inside Die. Fea grabbed the lube and drizzled some over his cock before pressing his own head slowly into Die, and then on an unspoken cute, both he and Kyo began to push in, very careful to make sure Die could take it and was alright with it. Die let out a shocked cry at the pressure of both cocks in his body.

It was amazing and complete and utter love. He clung to Kyo, his thighs clenching and then unclenching a few times. The press of both into his body was something he couldn't even begin to describe. It was nothing short of heaven. Fea let out a sound that couldn't be described, green eyes rolling back before he pressed forward around Die and caught his lover's mouth with his own, kissing Kyo hard, unable to stop himself as he began to thrust, Kyo moaning loudly as Fea's cock rubbed against his own in all the right ways, both of them hugged tightly inside Die. Die let out a shocked sound and then a cry of pure bliss as Fea began to thrust. He just stayed still, letting them do all the work while he rode it out, letting the pleasure ramp up once more, this time from something else he'd been desperately craving for quite a while.

Perhaps rude, but undeniable, it was as if Kyo and Fea were fucking each other around Die, rather than both of them fucking the man between them. They kissed and clawed at each other, pressing Die between them, Kyo beginning to thrust in opposite time to Fea, the friction between them unbelievable. After a few minutes, Fea leaned back and huffed in Die's ear, grabbing his hair.

"What's it like to have us both stretching your fucking pussy out, huh? To have us fucking each other inside you?"

He was harsh and vulgar in his more urgent moments of arousal, holding himself back just enough to not yank Die's hair and thrash his head around. Die let out a sharp growl at the pull on his hair. The words sent shivers through his body, his eyes wide and slightly crazed.

"It feels like heaven," he hissed out, "Pure and entire _heaven_." After a short pause, he spat out, "Fucking amazing!"

Fea growled back at him, biting his neck, hard, and fucking him harder. Kyo made the noises that best matched Fea's movements, a weird oneness between them, and when they both came, Kyo's nails raked bloody lines down Die's side, the other digging into Fea's back. Fea panted, nearly having broken the skin on Die's throat, bruising it darkly, pulling back and slipping out, he and Kyo's cum lazily running out of Die and down his lover's balls. Die started letting out all manner of sounds, incredibly happy to have this all happening to him right then. Once they both started to cum inside him, he clenched his pussy around them, hoping it would help make it better. When he pulled out, he whimpered a little and wrapped himself a bit more fully around Kyo, just feeling what was happening down below.

Kaoru watched the cum leak out of Die and made a tiny sound, having been shocked for the entire fuck, feeling like what he was watching with his own eyes wasn't real. Fea collapsed back against the bed and Kyo didn't move to pull out of Die, softening slowly inside him, limp against his pillow, looking blissed out. Die just stayed where he was, sort of going limp against Kyo, his head gently resting on Kyo's shoulder. His body was taking its own sweet time coming back down to reality. Kaoru got up and gently came over to the bed, stretching out at the pillows, sort of curling up around Fea's head and playing with his hair, watching Die.

"Have fun, baby?"

Die smiled softly, peering up at Kaoru and then nodding.

"Yes... I... I needed that," he murmured softly, feeling a little ashamed that he had.

Kaoru reached out and pinched Die's shoulder affectionately, winking at him. Fea seemed nearly ready to nap, purring as Kaoru rubbed through his hair. Kyo pat Die's back and sighed.

"I feel all sticky. Do you want to take a shower?"

Die gave a little nod, but then perked up.

"Bath instead?"

He peered back toward the tub, thinking how nice that would be. Kyo have a little laugh, nodding.

"OK, I'll run you a bath."

"Nooo, us," he pouted a little and tugged on Kyo's hair. "After all, I need someone to lean on."

Kyo gave him a little look, eyes flicking to Kaoru, before shrugging.

"OK."

He pushed Die up and stood, himself, going into the bathroom to start drawing a bath, adding some rose salts and a little bit of bubbles. Fea went about cleaning up in the bedroom, sitting with Kaoru for a while. Die limped along into the bathroom, definitely sore. He smiled softly, leaning against the counter slightly.

"I really like the tub."

Kyo gave a little chuckle.

"It's not too different from yours."

He sat on the rim of the tub, brushing out his hair with his fingers. It was still very long, and straight, the blonde re-dyed, rather bright. Once it was mostly full, he tested the temperature and slid in with a groan, leaning back.

"Yes, but it's a different one, therefore different and necessary to try out."

He laughed and watched Kyo, his eyes bright. After a few moments, he slid into the bath after him, settling down and leaning back against him. Kyo sputtered a little when Die's hair got in his mouth, their heights making it a little awkward. He laughed and wrapped his arms around Die loosely, resting his head against the other's.

"Are you sure you're OK? Honestly... that looked really painful."

Die hissed a bit at the water up inside him, but settled quickly.

"Yeah... I'll be fine, don't worry."

He reached to rub his hands over his own thighs slightly. Kyo just relaxed for a few minutes, soaking up the heat, before he started to play with Die's hair.

"So how are things?"

Die peered back at him and then back forward.

"Mmm... okay. I feel... I dunno," he glanced at the door and then back down at his lap, thinking better of saying what he was thinking. "Alright, I guess."

Kyo frowned and nuzzled on him.

"You lie like I don't know you're doing it."

Die sighed.

"Sometimes it's easier, Kyo... even when I know you can read it, sometimes I just don't want to be that whiny person in your life, you know?"

Kyo hugged him a little, sighing.

"I know... I'm sorry, it's just hard for me not to press when I can feel you about to speak and then you just stop."

Die nodded a little and then sighed softly.

"I just feel like I'm being that needy asshole again, that's all."

Kyo frowned.

"It's OK to be needy. You're giving and being put through a lot with all this. It's understandable that you need something to take you away from it for a while."

Die shook his head a little.

"It's not even that. I just need sexual things. But I can't seem to even find the time really at home..." he made a little face.

Kyo laced his fingers through Die's hair, humming.

"Yeah, but sex for you is a de-stresser. It isn't just the physical need. You're so pent up."

Die gave a little nod.

"It's true... I hate it, but it really is true."

He sighed and ran his hand over his face.

"I wish sometimes that I could just find another way."

Kyo shook his head, petting Die like he might a cat.

"Everyone has their way. At least it isn't drinking anymore, or getting fucked up on drugs, or something like that."

Die gave a tiny nod, starting to rub at his body again, using the water to clean himself off.

"Yeah... true."

He sighed and then ran his hand through his hair before standing up and slowly getting out of the tub, reaching for a towel.

"I'm sorry I'm always so... down."

He gave him a little sad look.

"I guess I just can't help it."

Kyo frowned at him and watched him get out, leaning up and grabbing Die's hand, giving it a little kiss.

"You know it's OK with me. You know I understand."

He gave him a tiny smile at that and squeezed his hand a little.

"I should get back out there before a certain someone thinks I've lost my marbles and gone pillaging the unpillagable."

Kyo laughed a little, pointing towards the vanity.

"There are big clean fluffy towels in the top cabinet."

Die reached into the cabinet and took one of them, pulling the other one down and putting it where Kyo could reach it.

"Want me to send Fea in?"

Kyo smiled, nodding.

"Yes, please."

He stood up and drained the bath, figuring his lover would want to share a shower, instead. He was far too tall to make the bath all that enjoyable. Die headed back out in his fluffy towel. He gestured at Fea.

"Kyo wants you."

He smiled softly and then moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Fea smirked and got up, going off towards the bathroom, kissing Kaoru's forehead before he went. Kaoru stretched out a little and tugged gently at Die's towel, looking at him upside down from where he was stretched out on the bed.

"Feel nice and clean now?"

Die nodded a bit and then pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged.

"I love you," he murmured.

Kaoru scoot across the bed and curled up around Die, kissing his damp skin.

"I love you, too."

Die slid his arms around him and offered him a little smile, rubbing his shoulder affectionately. Kaoru purred a little, pursing his lips and looking up at Die.

"I wish I could still..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I want to be close to you so bad, but my body is... useless."

Die frowned a little and moved closer to him.

"I love you so much, baby. I wish we could be close that way, too. But I haven't brought it up because I don't want to hurt you."

Kaoru gave a little pout, nodding.

"I know. I know it can't happen... I just miss it a lot. It's... I don't know… it's just really obvious when we aren't having sex. It's like we're just bedmates, sometimes... or you're my nurse."

He frowned deeper, feeling ashamed.

"I'm sorry..."

"I don't think of you like that, baby. You're my lover and you'll always be my lover. Just right now that doesn't happen to include sex, that's all."

He reached to rub at his cheek gently. Kaoru pressed Die's hand against his cheek, offering him a weak smile.

"I know, baby... but you know me. I can't help but feel like a burden on you. I know it's not easy."

Die leaned to peck him on the nose.

"Not a burden, baby. Never."

Kaoru tugged him down and hugged onto him, kissing his ear.

After a moment he commented shyly, "You are such a pain slut... when I'm better, I'm not letting you out of bed for a month, you know that, right?"

Die let out a little mewl of pleasure and then a quiet little purr.

"You better not!" he informed him, a smirk on his face.

Kaoru chuckled and gave him a little kiss, laying there in Kyo and Fea's bed while said couple showered, coming out wrapped in towel, digging around for clothes. Fea smiled at them and pat Die's ass softly.

"Do you two maybe want to watch a movie or something downstairs?"

Die peered up at the pat on his ass and then looked at Kaoru, waiting on him to say what he thought about it. Giving a little stretch and a smile, Kaoru nodded, sitting up.

"I can't promise I won’t fall asleep, but sure."

Die slowly went about getting his clothing back on and then reached for Kaoru's hand.

"Come on, baby."

Kaoru took his hand and got up, following Fea and Kyo back downstairs. Their plush black couch was long enough for all four of them to curl up onto, Fea going through his and Kyo's collection of DVDs, calling out suggestions to see what everyone would pick. Die settled down, letting Kaoru lean against him and then voted on a horror movie and then an action film, just to put in two fair votes on different things. Kyo of course voted for the horror film and Kaoru rolled his eyes, going along with it. He figured he would probably be asleep before it got too scary, and at least he was with the people he felt safest around. Die reached over to high-five Kyo, a grin on his face, squirming down into his seat and holding Kaoru close with one hand.

Kaoru nuzzled up with him, getting comfortable against Die's skinny body. Fea popped the DVD in and slipped in behind Kyo, hugging onto his lover and kissing his hair, getting the DVD going through the previews and such. Once he had gotten it playing, he flipped off the living room lights, plunging the house into darkness, only a dim light in the dining room on and the little bit of haze outside left. Die peered happily at the screen, his arms holding his lover close to him, enjoying the closeness of their time together right then.

"I love you," he whispered into his ear.

Kaoru nuzzled back into him, smiling, pulling Die's arms around him a bit tighter. He settled in, eyes canting to watch Fea and Kyo cuddle, the movie starting, thankfully not very scary to start. Fea's fingers were sliding through Kyo's hair, absently toying with it. Die just gently touched Kaoru, his hands roaming over the other's body in a rather tender sort of way. His lips grazed over Kaoru's ear and then his neck, his nose nuzzling a little tiny bit along the way. Kaoru felt rather drowsy with the lights off, head lolling towards the couch cushion, giving a little purr when Die started kissing at him. He smiled and reached his hand up, tugging at his lover's hair gently. Die mumbled something against his neck about not starting anything, just touching before he continued on with what he was doing, his eyes glued to the movie the entire time.

Kaoru gave him a little smirk before relaxing again, falling asleep before anything too suspenseful even began. Fea, on the other hand, showed his true colors as a scaredy-cat, jumping every five minutes and crushing Kyo against him, hiding his face in the other's shoulder and chanting "Just tell me when it's over!"

Die didn't really stop cuddling Kaoru, even when he'd fallen asleep. Although when they finally got to the ramp up of the film, he edged forward a little, looking excited and happy. Kyo was laughing, seeming to cheer on the killer, reaching back to hug Fea, who was whimpering like a girl against Kyo's neck. Die tried to keep his laughing and flailing to a minimum, not wanting to wake up poor Kaoru in the process. The medication wore Kaoru out enough that once he was asleep, it was difficult to wake him back up, staying in a nice doze while the other enjoyed (even Fea, despite his whining) the movie. Once the movie was into credits, Die looked thoroughly pleased, his eyes glittering happily as he held up his hand toward Kyo for a fist-bump, then moving it to Fea a moment later. Kyo fist-bumped him hard with a little laugh, Fea smacking Die's hand away, frowning and getting up to quickly turn on the lights.

"Gah, I'm going to have nightmares now!"

Die stuck his tongue out at him and then laughed, shaking his head a little.

"Mmmm... but then you have an excuse to cling to Kyo all night."

Kyo made a little sound, rolling his eyes, getting up to turn the TV off.

"He's such a bed hog, anyway, he doesn't need an excuse."

Die chuckled.

"Mmm... I used to be that way, sort of like a starfish on the bed."

He smirked a bit and then shook his head. Kaoru groaned a little, smiling and rolling towards the couch a little, having heard the conversation in his half-awake state.

"Mmm... little suckers and all."

Die laughed softly and then shook his head.

"It's true. I think we'd have to find a trophy to share for that title, Fea."

Fea snickered, going into the kitchen to get a glass of water and snickering, opening the backdoor, Makoto lying right against it.

"Aaaw, I think somebody wants inside to cuddle."

Die peered toward the back and gave a tiny whistle, Mako rushing in to cuddle with them. Kaoru rubbed his eyes sleepily and kissing his wet little nose, smiling.

"Mmm... poor baby got left out in the yard all alone."

Makoto wagged his whole back end and climbed over onto Kyo, getting nearly as large as the petite singer, himself. Kyo scrunched up his face and tried to avoid being licked, to no avail. Die chuckled and then pulled Mako down to sit, covering his muzzle so he wouldn't lick the hell out of poor Kyo.

"No licking, Mako. Be a good boy."

Unfazed by such treatment, Mako rolled his eyes back to look at Die, tongue slipping out between his teeth to lick at Die's fingers. Kaoru chuckled and shook his head, eyes going to Fea as the other came back into the living room, giving a long stretch, his fingers nearly brushing the ceiling. Die snorted.

"Silly dog."

He just kept him there, his hand over his muzzle, knowing it was easier this way if nothing else. Kaoru dug his phone out of his pocket, checking the time and hugging Die around the waist.

"Babe, it's about my bed time."

Kyo frowned and stood up, going around to the side of the couch and hugging Kaoru, nuzzling his scarf-covered head.

"It was really nice of you both to come over. It finally feels more like we really live here."

Die got up and got Mako down, going to put his leash back on and then found his shoes. Coming to the edge of the entryway, he waited on Kaoru, one hand in his pocket, the other holding Mako's leash. Fea followed them to the door and opened it for them, giving them both hugs and a kiss on the cheek, Kyo doing the same, rubbing Die's back.

"Both of us will be here for a two weeks, then I have to go do a few shows and some press shit in Japan. We should do more stuff together before then, OK?"

Die nodded and smiled at Kyo, sort of awkwardly giving them hugs before slipping out the door.

"Maybe Fea can see the club sometime this weekend or something."

Fea smirked, leaning in the doorway, turning on the porch light for them.

"Only if you get him up on the pole again."

Die laughed softly.

"I think that was only because he was completely wasted, but... maybe if you asked nicely," he winked, "you never know what he'd do for you!"

Fea leaned down and grabbed Kyo's ass as they both waved at them.

"Oh, he'd do anything for me, anyway."

The blond meeped and blushed as Fea began to close the door.

"Night, guys!"

"Night!"

Die let out as he lead the way down the driveway and then off down the street toward their house, making sure he waited on Kaoru and hooked arms with him. Kaoru pulled his cardigan closed with one hand, hugging Die's arm and pressing up against his side, smiling sleepily.

"Mmm... can't wait to curl up with you in bed."

Die ran his hand over Kaoru's cheek and then tucked his arm around the other's shoulders, Mako trotting at his side, tongue lolling out.

"Definitely," he murmured softly.

Hugging Die around the waist, Kaoru walked with him back to the house, unlocking the door and getting himself a glass of water before going off to the bedroom to change into pajamas, going about his nightly routine in the bathroom. Slipping into the bed, he let out a sigh, wriggling around in the sheets and a purr. By the time Kaoru got to the bedroom, Die was already under the sheets, wearing only his red silk pajama bottoms. He rolled over toward Kaoru and put one arm around his waist. Kaoru wiggled closer, tugging Die around him before wrapping himself closer around his lover, kissing his hair. Makoto came and curled up at their feet, giving a little doggy sigh. Kaoru laughed softly, closing his eyes.

"Mm, goodnight, babies."

"Night, sweetpea," he murmured softly, closing his eyes and then curling up around him even closer.

 

 

**To Be Continued…**


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven

Kaoru woke up early, sneaking out of bed, thanking anything listening for not being very sick. He tip-toed out of the bedroom, leaving Die asleep, and shushed Makoto, letting him out to go pee, gasping softly. Covering the ground was a soft blanket of snow, still falling a bit. He grinned wide, whispering under his breath, "perfect", before going about making a big breakfast. He wanted everything to be just that, perfect, for Die's birthday.

Die's shift at work the night before had been fairly brutal, exhausting him on a whole new level. But thankfully, he'd gotten home and in bed around one in the morning, though he really hadn't showered, just sort of falling in bed, still half-dressed and passing out. For the time being, he was still out cold, softly snoring, one arm and one leg mostly hanging off the bed.

Kaoru went all out, making French toast and fried eggs, bacon and sausage, tea, coffee, and orange juice, and some fried potatoes. He cut up some fruit and loaded all of it onto a tray, carefully carrying it into the bedroom, cautiously leaning over and kissing his lover's brow.

"Morning, sunshine."

Die half jerked awake, gasping in slight surprise. After a moment, he let out a little whimper and then reached to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Yawning, he pulled himself upright and peered at the tray in his lover's hands.

Sleep fuzzing his brain, he murmured, "What's the occasion, baby?"

Kaoru smirked, setting the tray over Die's lap.

"Uh, it's your birthday, silly."

He leaned to give him a soft kiss, going to the window.

"It looks like nature wanted to give you a present, too."

He pulled the curtains open, showing Die the snow outside. Die rubbed a little more at his eyes and then he smiled softly and reached for the tray, peering at the food.

"Thank you so much, baby. I actually completely forgot," he murmured softly.

Kaoru shook his head, crawling into the bed and scooting up beside Die, kissing his cheek.

"Silly."

He smiled and pushed some of Die's hair back behind his ear.

"Kyo left your gift here with me and said he'd try to call if he got time today. He's shooting the video for the single. Fea said he'd be over later tonight to have dinner with us, though."

The snow outside glittered brightly and Die found himself staring at it with a certain amount of glee.

Smirking a bit, he murmured, "We need to go outside later. Just play in the snow."

Kaoru laughed.

"We'll see. I'll have to really bundle up."

Die smiled and then picked up his fork, digging into the meal before him.

"It's really sweet of you to remember like this."

Kaoru stole a piece of melon and popped it into his mouth, giving Die a look.

"I'd never forget your birthday, pumpkin."

Die nodded a little and took some of the egg, chewing and making a soft happy sound.

"Mmm," he murmured softly, "so good."

Kaoru smiled, snagging a strip of bacon.

"I'm glad. My cooking skills haven't been used in a while."

Die chuckled.

"I don't think you can lose cooking skills like yours, baby. I really don't."

He wolfed down a strip of bacon and then moaned. Kaoru nuzzled on him, smiling.

"So do you want presents now, or do you want to wait?"

Die's eyes sparkled a bit and then he grinned.

"Mmm... now!"

He sounded more like a child than anything else right then. Kaoru smirked and nodded, getting out of the bed and shuffling off to the office where he'd hidden Die's gifts, bringing them in. He crawled back onto the bed and started handing them to him, starting with one that was obviously a framed photo first. It was shot down the press pit at Kyo's show, a perfect and completely coincidental moment, really, of Die and Kyo both reaching towards each other. He knew Die would want it. Die pulled off the wrapping paper, a huge grin on his face. After a few moments, his eyes widened and he made an excited noise.

"Oh my god! That's so amazing!" he let out happily.

Kaoru smiled, seeming a bit proud.

"I thought you'd like it."

He handed over a small box next, containing a thin-chained silver necklace with a lacquered black fleur-de-lis. He had seen it while boredly cruising the Internet, having turned to it for solace while trapped in the house, more or less, and had not been able to resist the impulse to order it for Die. Die reached for the next box, putting his photo aside and then opening the small box. He pulled the chain out and peered at the fleur-de-lis on the end, smiling happily at the sight of it. He handed it to Kaoru and moved his hair aside, holding it up.

"Put it on me?"

Kaoru smiled, nodding, leaning forward and sliding the chain around Die's neck, fixing the clasp and kissing his cheek.

"This is the last one from me."

There were still three other boxes beside him, but he handed Die the last from him, a small black jewelry box inside made of ebony with a photo of them from before any of the bullshit had started, Kaoru's hair still long, in the lid, a thin plate of glass etches with vines around the edges holding it in place and dark red velvet lining the compartments. Die reached for the last box and opened it, smiling at the gift inside. His fingers drifted over the photo, a soft smile on his lips. It was a memory of where things had been and where they could go back to when Kaoru was better again. If nothing else, it gave him even more hope.

"I love it," he murmured softly.

Kaoru blushed, nodding and leaning to kiss Die's cheek.

"Now... do you want Kyo's or the one from my parents next?"

Die debated it for a second.

"The one from your parents!"

He picked up his fork and shoved in the rest of his eggs. Kaoru chucked and handed Die bag, sitting back on his heels. Inside was a small keychain with a picture of Asako and her new baby brother with "uncle" in lettered beads on the chain and a small card attached wishing him a happy birthday from Sachiko, Nick, and the kids. Beneath that was soft V-neck cashmere sweater, a small book of traditional Japanese recipes, and a card with a hand-written note from Tadashi, thanking Die for being there for Kaoru, and hoping he had a wonderful birthday. Die opened the bag and started pulling things out. He cooed at the keychain and put it on his leg. The sweater, he gently rubbed over his cheek and then grinned at the recipe book. Once he got to the note, he cried, having to wipe away a few tears. He put everything back in the bag and used it to put his other items in there as well.

Kaoru watched the few tears slide down Die's cheek and gave him a sad smile, reaching to rub a thumb under his eye to catch a tear. Once he'd put everything back in the bag, he handed him Kyo's first gift; a clothing box stuffed with little pieces from Chrome Hearts that he had basically been collected for Die for the past year. Die opened the box and started pulling things out one at a time, a smile on his lips.

"Oh my god, this brand is so expensive!"

He bit his lip and blushed a little.

"I feel so damn spoiled from all this gorgeous stuff today!"

Kaoru smirked, looking at the pieces Kyo had picked, rather impressed with the other's eye for fashion. He slid the last small box over to him, nodding at it.

"There's still that one, and Fea's coming over later, he probably got you something, too." Die opened the small box, taking off the silver wrapping paper and then opening the box, his eyes glittering happily. He really hadn't expected much on his birthday, even anyone remembering it really. But this... this was all amazing. Inside the box was really a collection of little things Kyo had thrown all together; a bullet vibrator in bright red with his face taped onto it, supposed to be a joke, a key to their house with a note saying they were both always welcome, even if they were both away, the "friends" half of a cheap-o, blue and yellow rhinestone "best friends" necklace, and several truffles. Die opened it and immediately started laughing.

"Oh wow... I think he really went all out on the dickery with this one!"

He showed the box to Kaoru, shaking his head. Kaoru looked, snickering, looking at the picture of Kyo's head scotch-taped to the toy.

"Well, at least he was trying to be practical."

Die face-palmed and then shook his head.

"Dude, practical?"

He plucked out the bullet vibrator and held it up.

"Maybe the vibrator is practical, but the photo?" He snorted. "Not so practical... you know, it'll get all soppy and gross and-" he cut off the serious voice and just sort of fell over shaking with silent laughter.

Kaoru shook his head, taking the vibrator back and carefully beginning to take the photo off.

"Well... finish your breakfast and maybe I'll help you try it out, huh?"

Die tried to calm his laughing, realizing Kaoru somehow did not find that nearly as funny as he did. Then again, his sense of humor had been slowly deteriorating the longer and longer he stayed at his current job. He gave a little half shrug as he wiped his eyes and then finally reached for his breakfast again, starting to finish it. Kaoru finally got the picture off and stuck it to Die's forehead, testing the toy and seeing that Kyo had already put batteries in it. He laughed softly and set it aside, going back to kiss Die's cheek and nuzzling on him.

"You know I'm gonna eat you out, right? I mean, it _is_ your birthday. I don't know what kind of boyfriend I'd be if I didn't suck you off."

Die's cheeks flushed and he ducked his head a little, squirming slightly. "

You don't have to, you know. I mean I realize that until you're well, things aren't," he gestured a bit with his fork, "you know..."

He didn't know how exactly to describe it. Shrugging, he took another bite, chewing and swallowing.

"Let's say I'm okay with it not happening this birthday, so don't feel obligated."

After all, he didn't want to put Kaoru in that position. He knew he could still feel things like always, feel that he wanted to be with Die, but he also knew that he couldn't physically and to him that just seemed... cruel to make him do something that put him in that situation. Kaoru frowned a little at him, shaking his head.

"I _want_ to. I love getting you off."

That only seemed to increase the blush on his cheeks.

He stuffed more eggs into his mouth and then mumbled around them, "But it's hardly fair to you!"

Kaoru shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. It's your birthday and I want to make you cum until it hurts."

At that, Die just quieted down and finished off everything on his plate in a few short minutes. He moved the tray off the bed and onto the floor, doing the same with all his gifts except that vibrator, taking Kyo's photo off his forehead and sticking it on the nightstand for lack of a better place to put it right then. Kaoru smirked, leaning to give Die a kiss, taking the vibrator and turning it on to a low setting. He straddled Die's lap and stared down at him, reaching out to let the buzzing toy drag over Die's silk-covered nipple. Die let out a little whine and laid back, just sort of surrendering himself to Kaoru's actions. He'd let him do whatever he was comfortable doing and let him lead it entirely.

He watched Die's reactions closely, moving to the other nipple, sitting back in his lap and grinding his ass against Die's crotch. Die whined a little at the grinding on him, biting his lip and closing his eyes, trying to imagine he could just fuck Kaoru and not worry about hurting him, trying to take his body off the 'gentle care' setting and put it back on the usual one.

Leaning forward, Kaoru sucked on Die's jaw a little, hand moving down as he kissed at his jaw and neck and shoving the vibrator under himself, trapping it between them. Die's body almost instantly strained upwards, a shudder ripping through him at the intensity of the pleasure, even through clothing. Kaoru pressed his now meager weight back against Die, moaning a little and watching his lover, smirking softly at the reaction, enjoying how forceful it was. Die's hands went to the covers, fisting in them as he whimpered, an almost strained look on his face while he tried hard not to just start wildly humping. Honestly, he was so on edge that with Kaoru on top of him, he could get off in nothing flat from doing it, but he didn't want to risk hurting his lover in any way, so he just reminded himself he wasn't in control of this.

Kaoru reached to start opening the top of Die's shirt, leaning to kiss the exposed skin, still grinding the toy between them, moaning lewdly for show, trying to encourage Die to be vocal. Die's eyes closed and his fists pulled at the sheets, his hips tilting a little bit, something he couldn't just stop despite trying to. Kaoru let out a throaty moan, at least getting off mentally that he could still do it for Die. He rocked back, trying to follow his lover's motions and give him what he wanted. Die's eyes squeezed together tighter and he whimpered softly, shivering. His head turned to the side and he huffed out a soft breath. Kaoru bit his lip, unable to stop himself from talking dirty.

"Are you gonna cum for me already, baby? Is that how bad you've missed this?"

Die let out a gasping breath and then shuddered a little. It was only taking him longer because he was afraid to push up against Kaoru the way he wanted.

His eyes squeezed shut and he whispered, "A little harder, baby," hoping he wasn't requesting the impossible.

The other let out a little laugh, doing his best to press a bit harder, trying not to lose the vibrator between them in the process. It was arousing for him, for certain, though his body simply didn't react that way anymore. Die shivered a bit and then arched up toward him, shuddering in a fashion that told this was definitely working for him. After a few tiny pushes of his hips, he came, crying out sharply, his back arched and a look of utter bliss on his face. Kaoru let out a moan, settling in his lap and switching off the vibrator to its lowest speed, rubbing his hands all over Die's chest.

"Oh god, baby... I've missed seeing that look on your face."

Die sort of collapsed on the bed, trembling a little bit and whimpering.

"Missed this," he let out.

Kaoru leaned forward, kissing Die gently.

"Me, too..."

He hovered over him for a while, kissing his softly, meandering from his mouth to his neck and back. Die leaned up into the kiss, his eyelids fluttering as he just held the back of Kaoru's neck. To be touched was like heaven, missing being intimate with Die more than anything else. He smelled and tasted him, touching his side and still moving his hips in slow circles. Die's hips shifted a little. He wanted to ask about the promised eating out, but he didn't want to seem pushy or anything like that. Instead, he wanted to actually have Kaoru as close to him like this for as long as possible.

Kaoru stayed at his mouth for a while, enjoying the closeness, as well, before he slowly began to scuttle backwards, working his way down with a trail of wet kisses. Die let out a little soft squeak at the feeling of the kiss over his belly button, the warm metal charm there shifting a little. Kaoru purred out a laugh, leaning down and tugging on the charm between his teeth, looking up at Die with a smile, kissing his navel a moment longer before moving lower. Die let out a soft purr-like sound and then shivered. "Hnngg, Kaoru," he murmured.

Kaoru smirked, looking up at him, tugging Die's pajama bottoms down and sliding a hand over him, between his thighs, tongue sliding over his skin just above his cock. Die whimpered and shuddered a little.

"Ungg," he let out, eyes squeezed shut.

Pulling Die's pants down around his ankles, he tossed them off onto the floor, getting between his lovers legs, the smooth backs of his thighs against his shoulders. He kissed his cock softly, purring, his hands petting along the juncture of thigh and pelvis. His hips jerked up and he gasped a little, his body a little on the sensitive side.

"Kaoru," he gasped out.

Purring, Kaoru began to suck at him, not using a lot of pressure, wanting more to let him feel good than work to get him off again just yet. He squirmed a little bit and then placed his hand on Kaoru's head, just gently urging him onward. Kaoru smirked a little, sucking Die a bit harder, rolling his tongue against his little dick, finding the vibrator and rubbing it up and down Die's slit. Without warning, he pushed it in, shoving it as far as he could and leaving it on its low setting, grabbing the remote. Die let out a shocked little sound at having the vibrator shoved into him, his eyes snapping open and his hips pushing upward.

"Kaoru," he squeaked out.

Kaoru purred, sucking at Die's cock before moving to suck at all of him, tongue darting along his folds, eating him out with a slow intensity. After a few moments, Die calmed down and stopped squirming, his hand sliding down to rest on his belly, his breathing evening out. Kaoru looked up at Die, watching him relax into it, getting himself comfortable and continuing, diving his tongue into the other, fitting his mouth around as much of Die as he could. Die shifted around a bit and then settled completely down, his face a mask of happiness and utter pleasure. This... this was something he'd been needing for quite a while, if he was honest with himself.

Kaoru did not stop or really change pace, content to please and taste and feel Die, pushing the remote up towards him to let him decide when he was ready to take it further and get off. Die didn't even notice the remote, too tied up in what was currently occurring to really care what was and wasn't being pushed at him. Instead, he just shifted his legs, trying hard not to get too antsy and move around too much.

Kaoru's hands smoothed over Die's thighs, hugging onto them, sucking at his cock again, tugging the cord of the vibrator a bit before pushing it all the way back in again. Die let out a soft sound at the vibrator moving in and out of him in such a manner.

"Kao," he murmured softly, his thighs straining a little as he tried to resist the urge to push them toward one another.

Kaoru purred and sucked at his cock harder, reaching to tug the ring softly. Die groaned at that, unable to keep himself completely calm at such an action. His hips jerked a little bit and he whimpered quietly. Kaoru kept tugging on the ring, grinding hard against Die, tongue snaking down under his cock along the slit. Die's body shook slightly, his breathing coming out in soft pants every few seconds, his nipples hardening as his arousal ramped even higher.

Kaoru moaned against Die's body, tugging on the vibrator again. His fingers slipped inside Die and rubbed at his g-spot before pressing the toy up against it. Die cried out rather sharply at the attention there. His insides clenched and his thighs quivered. It wasn't but a few more strokes and he was done for, cumming hard, fluid gushing out over Kaoru's hand. Kaoru moaned, lapping up some of it, working Die a bit more, cleaning him up with his tongue and being gentle. Die sort of flopped boneless against the bed and let out a tiny whimper at the continued affections. He wasn't sure he could take it really, but he let it happen anyway.

Moving slowly, Kaoru tugged the vibrator out and turned it off, kissing over Die a bit longer before crawling up his body again, nibbling his jaw and kissing his mouth, pressing down against him. Die reached for him, holding onto him as tightly as he dared, letting out a soft sound of pleasure, shivering slightly. Kaoru rested against him, curling around him with a purr.

"Mmmm... how is birthday boy feeling now?"

"Birthday boy is feeling just fine," Die informed, laughing softly.

Kaoru smiled, nuzzling on him.

"Good."

He purred more and settled against Die, stroking his sides. Smiling a little, Die curled himself around Kaoru and nuzzled him gently.

"Mmm... can birthday boy touch you?"

Kaoru wasn't really sure what Die meant by that, but being that it was Die's birthday, he agreed, waiting to see if Die wanted him to lie down on his back or something. Die gently moved him to lay on his back, hovering over him as he just slid against him, nuzzling a little, his hands trailing down his lover's sides. Smirking, Kaoru wrapped his arms loosely around Die, enjoying the affection. He looked up at Die lovingly, running a hand through his hair. Die moved his head down, kissing along Kaoru’s collarbone, making a little sounds of happiness. Kaoru tilted his head up, humming pleasantly, ghosting his hands over Die's arms.

"Baby..."

Die let out a soft purr-like sound, heading downward ever so slowly. Kaoru said nothing, not protesting, letting Die have his fun, enjoying the feel of the other despite his body not reacting as it used to. He sighed softly, toying with Die's hair, tickling it against his skin. Die just kept going, all the way down until he was gently nuzzling at his crotch, his hands rubbing over his sides. Kaoru squirmed a little, finding himself ticklish, taking a tiny gasp in. He grabbed the sheets and worried at his lip, humming the breath back out.

"Nn... honey, you know I can't get hard for you, as much as I want to."

"It doesn't matter," Die murmured quietly, still nuzzling over him. "I just want to touch you, I miss it."

Humming a bit, Kaoru relaxed against the bed again, looking up at the ceiling, enjoying Die's touches. He could hear Makoto out in the yard, playing in the snow, but had no desire to get out of bed just then. Die gently moved Kaoru's clothing aside, nuzzling at him a little more and then slowly licking along his belly and then down his thigh. His hair tickled over Kaoru's crotch and Die did his best to resist the urge to lean in and suck on Kaoru's dick, knowing well it made his lover slightly uncomfortable.

Kaoru's toes curled and he cursed his condition for the thousandth time, wanting to be hard, wanting to be able to actually fuck Die and not just lie here like an invalid virgin. All the same, his lover's touch was soothing and wonderful, making him grip the sheets a bit harder, sighing. Die got his lover completely naked, his hands smoothing over his skin, gently kneading the flesh of his thighs and then curling around to gently grasp what little ass Kaoru had left while he nipped at his inner thighs, fighting a war inside on how to continue. Kaoru let out a tiny, high-pitched sound at the nipping, lifting one leg and putting it over Die's shoulder. He was equally confused on the direction of his lover's actions, but he was enjoying it, nonetheless. Die settled on letting his cheek gently rub over Kaoru's crotch, his eyes closed while he just took in the feel of it. His hands slid back up his sides and he kissed at the juncture of his leg and hip. Kaoru slid one hand into Die's hair again, moaning softly.

"I love you, baby."

Die pressed a kiss to the tip of Kaoru's dick and then pulled himself upward, murmuring a reply to Kaoru that he loved him as well. Kaoru smiled softly, putting his arms around Die and hugging him. He rubbed his lover's back for a while before nuzzling his ear.

"Want to go play in the snow?"

Die nodded.

"I do!"

He sat up then, rubbing at his eyes a little and then bounding off to the bathroom to clean up a little before coming back in and digging around in the closet for his snow pants. Kaoru chuckled at him, digging out his own layers, knowing he'd need to really bundle up. He pulled on several layers of clothes and topped it all with a heavy jacket, putting on a scarf, then tying another around his head, pulling on a wool cap and gloves. He looked down at his feet and flopped on the bed.

"Baby... I'm too bundled up. Will you put on socks and boots for me?"

Die dug around until he found his thermal undershirt and his red and black striped sweater. Putting both on, he then came to put Kaoru's boots on. Once he'd done that, he put his own boots on over wool socks and dug around again for his beanie and gloves, both matching – black with red skulls.

Kaoru smiled, going to get one his cameras and putting a rain hood on it, grabbing Makoto's leash and a Frisbee, waiting at the back door for Die. Die bounded toward the door, his eyes bright and happy as he slid outside and into the snow. He let out a whoop and raced over to pretty much face-plant in the snow, then flop over backwards and hold his hands up to the sky.

"Thank you!"

Kaoru laughed loudly, holding up his camera and snapping a photo, carefully going down the steps as Makoto raced around from the front yard and dove on top of Die, as excited as the redhead about the snow. Die oomphed as the dog jumped on him, but rolled to the side and vigorously petted the dog while he squirmed around, looking much like a twelve year old child. Kaoru walked across the yard, smiling down at Die, snapping more photos.

"We might not need kids with you around, baby."

Die flopped over and then scuttled up to his feet. He grabbed a handful of snow and threw it towards Mako, the dog barking loudly at him. Kaoru waddled carefully over to his car, writing with a gloved finger in the layer of snow "Happy B-Day Die" with hearts around it, taking a photo and walking around the alley, laughing when Makoto started going crazy, running in fast circles around him before darting off to go play with Die again. Die made a few snow angels and then pretty much started pelting anything he could with snowballs, making gleeful sounds the entire time.

Kaoru rolled his eyes at Die, smiling and coming back to the yard, glad his lover was not pelting _him_ with snow like last winter, putting his camera on video and holding it up. Die rushed around, pushing a lot of snow into a pile and then jumping into it in a cloudy puff of white and a rather loud screech. Kaoru zoomed in on him, finding it hard to breathe from laughing so much, not sure the last time they'd had such a good time. Mako came diving into the pile right after Die, letting out an excited howl. Die burrowed through the pile and then popped up out of it, coated in snow. He excitedly wiggled around and then got out of it, brushing off and blowing a kiss at the camera before rushing off around the house, leaving a powdery trail in his wake.

Kaoru was beaming, stopping the video and putting on the lens cap, following Die around the house, humming softly. Mako raced after Die, barking at two of the neighbor’s kids building a snowman in their yard. Die rushed inside and came back out with a carrot, going toward the kids and tossing them the carrot after getting their attention.

"For his nose!"

The younger brother took the carrot and stuck it on as a dick first before the older one shook his head and put it in the right place, waving at Die and telling him thanks. Kaoru snickered behind a hand, sitting on the porch, watching his lover. Die burst out laughing, giving them a thumb’s up before he rushed off toward the front of the house again and quickly began to shape a huge heart in the yard. Kaoru smiled, leaning on the bench and watching him. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out, chuckling at Fea's message;

_HOLY FUCK IT'S SNOWING._

He laughed and texted him back and forth a few times, eyes flicking up to watch Die. Die finally finished once he'd carved out D + K on the heart and bounded over to Kaoru, plopping down on his ass in the snow.

"Look what I did!"

Kaoru stood up, looking over at the heart, his eyes crinkling up at the corners when he smiled, turning his camera on and going back into the yard to get a photo of it. Die watched him, smiling softly and scooting back to lean back against the car. Kaoru kicked a bit of snow to make it flurry around them, some still falling. He smiled softly and then looked up as Makoto started to go around the side of the house, barking. Fea walked up a moment later, carrying a big gift bag, bundled up, his long hair covered in a wool cap. He raised his hands and gave an excited whoop at them, jogging over to Die. Die pushed himself up off the ground, launching himself at Fea and hugging him tight.

"Fea!"

He laughed and picked Die up, swinging him around.

"Hey mate!"

He squeezed Die hard like some kind of giant doll, setting him back down and handing him the bag.

"Happy birthday!"

Die giggled happily and then reached to get one of each of their hands, dragging them up toward the house, the bag around his wrist.

"It's cold! Let's get inside!"

Fea followed, gripping the railing up the stairs and keeping a hand on Kaoru's back, kicking the snow off his boots before going inside, taking off his cap.

"I honestly didn't know it snowed here."

Kaoru laughed, shaking his head at Fea.

"Every year, at least twice."

He spun around in the entry way and then started stripping out of the wet stuff, leaving a pile next to the door. He rushed off in his boxer briefs to the bedroom and quickly pulled on a new outfit consisting of some tight black cargo pants that tied around the thigh and a red knit sweater with an applique of a white skull on the left breast area.

Fea laughed at Die completely stripping down, he and Kaoru only taking off their top layers and boots. Kaoru invited Fea to sit down on the couch and went to put the kettle on for some tea, Fea making grabby hands at Die.

"Open my present!"

Die bounded back into the room and plopped down on Fea's lap, digging into the bag and pulling out the first item, a red leather journal. He ooed and ahhed over it, putting it on Kaoru's lap and pulling out the next item, a cookbook, which he flipped through a bit and bounced excitedly on Fea's lap. And last, but not least, he found loads of different kinds of chocolate, everything from dark chocolate to exotic stuff with strawberry creme in the center. He pulled out one of those and unwrapped it, popping it into his mouth and then carefully putting the bag where Mako couldn't get to it. He hugged Fea around the neck and grinned.

"Thank you!"

Fea hugged him tight, rubbing his back.

"Of course! Kyo says happy birthday, too, but he's out in the boonies somewhere filming and can't really call..."

He gave Die a sad face and tugged his hair affectionately. Die nodded.

"I know it. It's okay."

He leaned back on Fea and moved the other stuff to the table as well, before propping his feet up on Kaoru's lap.

"I can't believe I got snow for my birthday!"

Fea smiled, Kaoru rubbing Die's feet. There was something about Fea's smile that didn't meet his eyes, but he was obviously trying to be sweet for Die, plucking at his sweater.

"I heard my darling beloved gifted you with adult toys?"

Die let out a soft laugh.

"That he did. Apparently he felt it necessary to give me a bullet vibe. I guess I must have been a little too tight up for his tastes."

He gave a wry smirk and shook his head. Fea winked.

"We all know you're an insatiable nympho, it seemed practical."

Die blushed.

"True enough."

He turned a little to gently poke Fea on the nose.

"Are you okay?"

Fea blinked at the poking, giving Die a sad smile, nodding.

"Yeah... the snow is always kind of... I dunno, bittersweet for me."

He tried to shake it off, rubbing Die's arm. Die tilted his head a little and curled his arm around him a little more.

"How so?"

Kaoru pat Fea's knee and got up to pour them all some tea, making Die hot chocolate. Fea pursed his lips and shrugged a little.

"I lost someone really close to me in the winter..."

Die frowned softly and reached to hug him tight. He rubbed his back a little and murmured, "I'm sorry, sweetie. Who, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Uh..."

Fea tried to keep from tearing up, but the first snow, and talking about it at all, still had him shaken up, even after all the years since it happened.

"My twin."

Die's eyes widened and he clung harder to Fea, stroking at his hair now. He pressed his cheek to Fea's.

"What happened?" he asked so softly he could have not asked at all.

Fea let out a tiny trembling breath, Kaoru settling onto the couch quietly, setting the tea down and petting the taller man's back.

"It was right after Christmas, before New Year’s, about twelve years ago. We were fifteen, and he would go running really early in the morning. I just remember sitting bolt upright, like something had hit me in the chest and I ran downstairs... he'd slipped, in the ice on the steps going down from the house. He was still warm to the touch when I found him, but he was gone."

Die's eyes clouded with tears and he held him as close as he could, whispering softly, "I'm so sorry... that had to have been terrible. Something like that... I can't even imagine."

He could imagine losing many things, but a twin wasn't something he could fathom. His brother even wouldn't be a bond like that. Fea pulled back a little to wipe his eyes, his face drawn down.

"At the time... it was like he was the only person in the world that loved me. Liam was the perfect son, I always got asked ‘Why can't you be more like your brother?’, but Liam never looked down on me. He always told me I was his favorite person, we were so close. I think a big part of why I got into tattoos and piercings, all the body modifications, is because every time I looked in the mirror, and still now, too, I would miss him so much. I always wonder if we'd have stayed identical as we got older... even our parents could barely tell us apart until either of us spoke."

Die reached and grabbed some tissues, handing them over to Fea, giving him a look of pure sympathy, his hand on his cheek.

"Maybe he gave you part of himself to keep safe, Fea."

Fea let out a little sob at that, pressing the tissues over his face.

"When he died... that's when I started becoming really sensitive. I've always thought it's because his half of us was on the other side..."

Die frowned a little and pushed his hands into Fea's hair, kissing his forehead.

"I believe if you love someone enough, if you're close enough, then they'll give you a part to keep."

Fat tears spilled over Fea's dark lashes and he nodded a little, leaning towards Die.

"I'm sorry... I haven't talk about this in so long... I still miss him so much, it's like a hole inside me."

Die continued stroking his cheeks.

"It's okay. You need to get it out every once in a while. It helps."

Fea nodded, trying to get himself together, reaching for the tea and taking a long sip.

"That connection we had... the closest I've ever come to it with another human being... is how I feel with Kyo."

That brought more tears to Die's eyes, his mind reaching out to Fea and offering his compassion in a more base manner, the only thing he could think to do to try to help more than he already was. Nodding solemnly, Fea leaned towards Die, thanking him quietly.

"I'm sorry... let's drop this. It's your birthday!"

Die kissed his cheek again and then murmured, "I'm always here for my friends, birthday or not."

Fea laughed a little, shaking his head.

"Still..."

He reached over and rubbed Kaoru's shoulder.

"Have you already given him some birthday sex?"

Kaoru's pale cheeks flushed and he nodded, smirking a little. Die made a little purr-like sound and then nodded.

"Yeah, he did. It was a good way to wake up. Breakfast, sex, and snow."

Fea chuckled, leaning back into the couch.

"I bet. Not that sex is horribly important on the list of everything else with me and Kyo, but... when he's gone, I do really miss it."

Die flushed a little and ducked his head.

"I wish I could make it not be such a huge part of me, but it tends to just... be."

Kaoru and Fea both noted together, "We know" with straight faces before bursting into giggles, Fea lightening up, a sparkle coming back his eyes. Die's face turned lobster red and he pretty much fell off Fea's lap, laughing mostly silently. Fea snickered at him, hauling Die back into his lap.

"You know... I got permission... if you wanted to..."

He trailed off, wiggling his dark, arched brow, seeing if Die caught on. Die bit his lip a little bit and then glanced over at Kaoru, seeing if he was going to mind too much. Honestly, he really wanted to taste cum on his tongue, and he had been sort of craving it. Kaoru shook his head with a laugh and got up, closing the curtains and letting Makoto inside before leaning to kiss them both on the head.

"Go on, go on... I'll go curl up with our handsome man and read for a while."

He smirked and patted his leg, leading Makoto into the guest room, leaving Fea biting his lip and looking at Die with a raised brow. Die got up and held his hand out to him. In a rather deep voice, he purred out, "I wanna do dirty things to you."

Fea blinked, looking rather excited by such a prospect. He reached up and took Die's hands, not sure if he should stand or what.

"What kind of dirty things?"

"Come on," he murmured, pulling him off toward the bedroom.

Once they were inside, he pushed the door mostly shut so as to not bother Kaoru with any noises, then turned on the CD player, it blasting out some random Japanese band he'd been trying out to see if he liked. Pushing Fea onto the bed, he moved to kneel between his legs, rubbing over his thighs, his eyes bright. Fea let himself be led, biting his lip and looking down at Die. He purred a little then held up a finger.

"The one condition was that we have to take photos for Kyo."

Die chuckled.

"That can very much be arranged."

He went to get his camera and came back, kneeling down again and then reaching to rub at Fea's crotch, wanting to make him hard in his pants. Fea twitched a little, leaning back on his hands. He looked down at Die and couldn't help but think of Kyo, missing his lover, having a hard time sleeping without being pressed to Kyo's back, feeling lonely without his familiar presence near, and luckily for Die, horny as shit. It didn't take long for him to get hard, huffing slightly, his lids fluttering over his green eyes. Die leaned in, nuzzling over his clothed crotch, kissing his way down the zipper and then reaching to gently unzip him and undo the button, freeing his dick and then stroking over it for a moment. It wasn't but a second later that he turned on the camera, handed it to Fea and then pretty much deep-throated his dick out of nowhere. Fea gnawed at his lip, taking the camera.

"Aw, fuck!"

He watched Die sink over his cock and put a hand at the back of his neck, just resting it there, his hands shaking just a little as he took few photos, little groans of approval coming from him. Die went into porn star mode, staring up at the camera and whoring away as he sucked dick like he was desperate for it. Which, all in all, he sort of was. He loved sucking cock and not being able to do so with Kaoru had put him in a rough spot lately. He plunged up and down on his dick, moaning and lapping at the underside, making sure to hit all the sensitive spots. Fea grunted, giving low, deep moans. Die was a fucking expert, for sure, and he wasn't sure, having had a week without Kyo, how long he would last. He snapped more photos, panting, pressing more at the back of Die's neck.

"Fuck... so good..."

Die spread his legs a little more, his arms coming to curl around Fea's waist while he sucked at him, his eyelids fluttering closed while he just enjoyed the hell out of himself.

"Aaanh... fuck."

Fea's chest heaved a little and he had to pull off his shirts, getting too hot. He leaned back again and watched Die, hips bucking up slightly.

"Fuck, I'm not gonna make it long."

Die just moaned around him, trying to get him to cum, wanting it desperately. He craved the dick in his mouth about as much as he craved the taste of cum on his tongue. That bitter taste that differed from man to man. Fea started gripping the sheets, making louder noises.

"Oh fuck... oh fuck!"

He tensed hard and started to thrust up into Die's mouth a little, growling something obviously filthy in Russian before he was cumming, filling Die's mouth. Die groaned, his own hips jerking a little as he sucked harder on Fea, trying to get every last drop he had to offer him, despite his eyes tearing from the dick hitting the back of his throat. Fea huffed, pouty mouth hung open. His hand reached for the camera and he held it up, growling softly at Die.

"Show me."

Die sat back, his eyelids hooded, a sultry look on his face as he opened his mouth and swirled his tongue around in the white mess in his mouth. His hand slid down between his legs and he rubbed at his packer as if it were a real dick. Fea let out a horribly aroused sound, snapping photos of Die's cum-filled mouth before patting his cheek.

"What do you want now?"

Die sat back and played with the cum for a minute more before swallowing it all down and then murmuring, "What do you want to do to me?"

Fea blushed a little.

"I kind of wanted to fuck you in the ass..."

Fea grunted, squeezing himself at the base, stroking over his cock to stay hard. He scooted forward and took a photo before standing, grabbing Die around the waist and pushing him against the bed, wanting him to stand. He reached towards the bedside table, feeling around for lube.

"How long as it been since someone's fucked your tight little ass?"

Die stood up from the floor and stripped down, doing so as sensually as he could, making sure his ass was to Fea as he bent over to take his pants off, showing a full view of his pussy and ass. Die let out a shocked little sound, but he just put his hands on the bed and kept his legs straight and his ass bared to Fea.

"Too long," he whispered softly, blushing. A moment of silence and then he let out, "I haven't even done anything myself in a long while."

Fea pouted, kissing Die's back sympathetically, pouring some lube into his hand and then rubbing the pad of one finger over Die.

"How bad do you want it?"

Die arched back toward him and moaned quietly.

"Bad," he hissed out, shivering a bit.

Fea snuck a finger into him, nibbling at his shoulder. His other hand came around and tugged at his nipple, giving a little growl. Die let out a high-pitched whine at the intrusion.

"Fea," he hissed out, "all the way in!"

Fea laughed, tossing his hair over his shoulder, pushing his finger in completely, sliding it in and out of Die.

"You know I'm big, poppet; calm down. I don't want to go tearing you apart."

Die whined a little but couldn't help but blush at the way that Fea talked to him. He clenched around him and then relaxed again. Bringing his lips around the point of Die's shoulder, Fea sucked gently, carefully stretching him, purring, staying hard with no problem.

"It's kinda nice having someone closer to my height," he admitted with a soft chuckle. "It's a bit of an engineering project with Kyo sometimes."

Die let out a quiet laugh.

"Yeah, it's true. I've got quite a few inches on him. Love him to death, but he's tiny."

Fea growled a little laugh, slowly working in a third finger.

"Mmm, that's my heart, though. Gotta play what you're dealt."

Die just nodded, knowing the feeling for damn sure. He relaxed as much as he possibly could and murmured something about feeling good. Fea continued to work him open, sucking at his neck. When he felt the other was stretched enough, he began to slick himself, rubbing his head against Die's puckered hole.

"Ready?"

"Yes," Die breathed out, arching his hips so that his ass moved upward a little bit more.

A little growl of laughter left Fea's tattooed throat and he pushed forward, his head slipping in, giving tiny thrusts like that for a moment before pushing all the way in, as deep as he could. His hands wrapped around Die's hips, a rumbling moan bubbling up.

"Fuck..."Die let out a cry that was followed up in the same sound with a thin wail.

It was amazing to be filled like this again. He could already feel his pussy leaking a little bit, his insides boiling with pleasure. Fea grabbed the camera to take a photo of his dick buried in Die before tossing the device further up the mattress within Die's reach, wrapping a hand in the red hair and tugging his head back a bit, starting to thrust. "

You always hug my fucking dick so tight."

Die whimpered a bit, but it was a sound that told he really was enjoying all of this.

"Y-yes!" he let out, his back arching in an almost inhuman way.

Fea gnawed on his lip, one hand tracing the lines of Die's tattoo, climbing the branches. He thrust in and out slowly at first, watching himself, before he built up a quick, hard pace. He breath was raspy, letting out tiny moans. Die moaned happily, feeling rather full and pleased that he had Fea in him like this. He'd been craving it as much as he hated to admit it. And yet... there was still a part of him that felt horrible for being with someone that wasn't Kaoru. Somehow it was different when Kaoru could be with him and they both fucked around together. But doing so alone while Kaoru got nothing, he always felt this undercurrent of self-loathing, of hating himself because he couldn't just live without it. Fea kissed up Die's spine, pushing his hair out of the way and sucking at his neck.

"Let it go... this is something he knows he can't give to you right now, let it go."

Die's cheeks flushed a little bit. Sometimes he forgot Fea could sense almost as much as Kyo could. He gave a little nod and closed his eyes, trying hard to just focus on the feeling of what was happening rather than his emotions. Fea held him almost tenderly for a moment, grinding deep inside before going back to his insistent pace. He let out a loud moan, clawing Die's sides, his blunt nails not leaving much mark.

"You're a walking wet dream, you know that?"

Die's cheeks stained slightly pink at the comment, a little breathless laugh leaving him.

"Oh yeah? Tell me how," he breathed out.

Fea growled, tossing his hair.

"You're built like a minx, have an ass tight as a drum, and you're always down to fuck."

He leaned forward and bit Die's shoulder. Die let out a high-pitched whine at the bite, enjoying it greatly though.

"Minx," he repeated, his mind attaching to the compliments.

Fea chuckled, nodded, fucking him a little faster.

"It's why you and Kaoru are the only exceptions to me and Kyo being exclusive to each other... we both want to fuck you. All that pent up lust in your brain? We pick it up."

Die let out a little purr and shivered slightly.

"I m-make you both horny?" he asked quietly, the thought sending a thrill through him.

Fea laughed again, pulling Die's hair, hard.

"You're a radio station of sexual energy, Die. I think you make just about everyone in your general vicinity fucking horny."

He hissed and had to pause a moment, pulling Die's hips back to bury himself in the other.

"...will you bite me?"

Die made a contented sound and then smirked, shivering a bit.

"For sure, just let me turn over," he murmured.

He pulled out, flipping Die over onto his back, pulling him to the edge of the bed and slipping back in with a groan, leaning over him. His hair got into his face and he made a sputtering sound, putting it all over to one side again and looking down at Die, giving small thrusts.

"Don't worry about if it's too hard."

Die flailed for a second and then settled, reaching to pull Fea down closer. Once he had him at a good place, he held him there and attached his mouth to the other's neck, just below the collar line of any shirt he'd be wearing and began to suck at first. Fea shivered in anticipation, one hand in Die's hair the other supporting himself over him, thrusting hard and fast. Die worked his way up from sucking on the pale skin all the way to full out biting on him, almost gnawing at the skin, moaning against him and squirming quite a bit. Fea gave a loud mewl of approval, fucking Die faster.

"Oh! Fuck! Harder, please!"

Die bit until he was certain he was almost going to bite through the skin and actually make Fea bleed.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Fea was clearly on cloud nine, the pain making him fuck Die practically through the mattress, loving it. He brought his hand down and started to jack Die off, his breathing getting ragged.

"Oh fuck, keep it up... shit! Gonna fucking cum, aaaah."

Die didn't hesitate in the least, continuing to give Fea exactly what he needed, enjoying the hell out of what was going on. His body quivered and he sucked hard as he bit, his hips arching into the wonderful touch.

Fea gave a loud scream, gripping onto Die, fucking him as hard as he could, his pace erratic, losing it completely and filling Die up with a second offering, not stopping his thrusts, giving little sobs of pleasure and stroking Die, trying to get him to follow. It honestly didn't take him long before he lost it as well, falling over the edge with a cry of pure ecstasy, his body quaking slightly. Fea shuddered, finally stopping, laying himself out against Die, gasping for breath, making little moaning sounds.

"Hnnkh... happy birthday."

Die collapsed back against the bed and huffed out a little laugh.

"Hnngg, no shit."

**To Be Continued…**


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven

Christmas was the time of year that Die loved the most. Mostly it was just because of the weather, snow and such a crisp feeling in the air. But part of it was also that he knew Christmas would bring friends and family. Well... at least Kaoru's family, anyway.

He planned carefully, starting cooking from the day after his birthday and continuing on through the next few days, making sure everything would be ready by the time the 24th arrived. He'd set up a tree in the living room, a bright silver number with lots of red and violet decorations.

Currently, he was in the kitchen, shuffling dishes around and cleaning up as many as possible to make the kitchen presentable after cooking for so long. The table was laden with a wide array of food, some for each of the cultures he knew would be represented in the people present. The table was split in thirds with the offerings. The first third contained mango-glazed ham, pork chops, mashed potatoes, yams, corn, green bean casserole, and baked macaroni and cheese. The second section contained mushroom dumplings, several different loafs of homemade bread, brown sugar glazed Tilapia, and long-grained brown rice. And the third section contained pineapple chicken, steamed rice, and cucumber-lobster sushi. He'd done his best to make things as accurate as possible for each of the meals, but he'd found it difficult to do the research necessary to find out what exactly tradition was in Russia and Japan.

Kaoru got up to the smell of Die's cooking, going into the bathroom to do his usual routine before padding out in pajamas, looking at the tree and shaking his head.

"God, that thing is ugly..."

He was smiling, however, going into the kitchen and kissing Die's cheek.

"Morning, baby. Sorry I slept so long. Can I help?"

He reached for Die's phone when he buzzed with a text from Fea, sliding the touch screen and holding up the phone for him, seeing as his hands were full and had food on them.

_I was thinking, since there are so many of us, if you'd like to come over here for dinner. Kyo and I can come help you bring it all over. Just a thought, more space._

Die perked up when Kaoru came into the room. He grinned happily at him and then leaned to look at the message.

"Mmm... tell him that would be nice given how much room this is already taking up here. I don't think we could fit people and the food."

He let out a quiet little laugh and then perked up a little bit.

"Oh! I forgot to let you know. I invited someone from work. Their family left to go to Florida for the holiday, and he couldn't get the time off."

Kaoru nodded.

"That's fine. What's one more, right? It's Christmas."

He texted Fea back and let him know that his family would be coming around noon. Fea responded and let him know they would come over then to help them get the food together to come to their house, instead. Die hurriedly went about getting a few more things out of the oven, including a strawberry and cherry pie. Then he went to the fridge and pulled out home-made chocolate éclairs and a raspberry cheesecake. Kaoru shook his head at all of it, going to get his camera, taking close-up shots of the food and of Die working.

"You are unbelievable, baby."

"I've been doing this for... too long."

He laughed and shook his head.

"I got this crazy notion that I needed to include everyone's cultures. But of course I planned far too much for myself to do and thank god some of this had cooking time the length of me being at work."

He laughed and shook his head. Kaoru pouted and hugged Die.

"Aaaaw, honey. It looks amazing; you did such an awesome job."

He rubbed his lover's back, nuzzling on him.

"Mm, I have to get pretty before my family gets here. You know how mom gets..."

The last time his parents had come to spend a weekend with them, Kaoru had not been feeling well at all and wore loose pajamas and was... frumpy. He had to trick them into thinking he wasn't doing as bad as he was by dressing up and playing the role of "on chemo but fine", despite the fact it wasn't exactly true. He hated to watch them worry, never the type to know what to do with being a burden on others.

Die smiled happily at him and quickly did a check to make sure everything was in order. He gathered up the utensils needed to serve everything and then rushed around, going back to the bedroom and stripping down. Then he bolted to the shower to freshen up before they went over, given that he was a bit sweaty.

Primped, Kaoru sat in the parlor, waiting for his family. There was still half a foot of snow on the ground, but the roads were clear and it was the perfect Christmas setting. Right at noon, a Forester pulled up at the back of the house and a Suburban at the front, Kaoru laughing and going to his parents first at the back door, hugging them both, before they all went through to go help Sachiko get the kids and their things out of the car, Kaoru's eyes lighting up at the gorgeous little round-faced baby boy in his car seat next to Asako, the first time he'd laid eyes on his nephew.

Die barely finished with his shower by the time he heard cars pulling up. He rushed to get to the bedroom and closed the door, locking it, making sure the drapes were pulled so he didn't ruin a child's innocence with his nakedness. He rushed around getting ready, feeling slightly silly for how he was going about doing so this time. He put on his skin-tight red jeans that had streaks of black in them, giving them a faded-but-not look, put on his rather large Chrome Hearts belt buckle Kyo had given him for his birthday and then found his red and white striped sweater that was about three times his size to put on over a black Chrome Hearts tank top that read FUCK OFF on the back hemline. The sweater fell off one shoulder, revealing the tank top underneath. He added one of the necklaces that he usually kept on and then did his best to spike up the top of his hair, the rest almost down to mid-back again, and all of it bright red to match his clothing. He put on some eyeliner and some of his Chapstick, making sure he spritzed on some of his very low-key cologne and then pulled on his black men's ankle boots with a single buckle at the top and a zipper up the side. Coming out, he peered around the house, smoothing his hands down his legs a bit nervously. It was perhaps one of the more outright gay outfits he'd worn in front of Kaoru's parents and he wondered how exactly they were going to take it.

Kaoru came back in with Katashi in his arms, cooing happily at the baby, Asako toddling in behind him with the rest of the family filing in after. Tadashi made a bee-line for Die, squeezing him tightly in a hug, almost always the first one to do so. Die wrapped his arms around Tadashi, not being shy about the hug at all. He enjoyed feeling loved by someone that he could think of as a father figure and it always made him feel warm inside. He patted his back as he pulled away, a soft smile on his face.

"Thank you for the gifts for my birthday!"

Tadashi gave a laugh.

"Of course!"

He was all but pushed out of the way by Sachiko, still carrying a little baby weight, throwing herself on Die, who she had not seen in over six months. She was often bad at expressing her emotions, but she was so thankful for Die for taking care of her brother, worried sick about Kaoru and not sure how to deal with it. She stood on her toes, squeezing the stuffing out of him.

"Mmmm, missed you, handsome!"

Die let out a laugh and hugged her back, managing not to fall over, rubbing his hand a little in her hair and giving her a fond kiss on the cheek.

"Aww, so sweet. Missed you too, gorgeous. I always miss all of you."

Nick and Miyuki were both fawning over Kaoru, Miyuki with her usual worried ways, Asako toddling over to Die with an excited scream.

"DaiDai!!!"

She nearly fell over getting to him, hugging onto his leg tightly. Die reached down and scooped up Asako.

"Hey, sweetie! How have you been?" he asked her excitedly.

Asako squealed loudly, hugging onto his tightly, fondling his hair and gurgling to him.

"K'rimas'! DaiDai! Snoooooooow!"

Her accent had a marked Japanese slant to it, mixing both languages with her still undeveloped language skills, an adorable outcome. She grinned and giggled, holding his face, probably the most pleased of any of them to see him. Her fascination with Die had only grown over the time he and Kaoru had been together. Die grinned happily at her, nodding excitedly.

"Yes lots of snow on Christmas!" he replied, tucking her against his side and propping her on his hip, which he jutted out a bit. "And soon, lots of food!"

Sachiko wandered into the kitchen, seeing all of the food.

"Christ! You went a little nuts, didn't you?"

Kaoru laughed, coming in after her, tucking an arm around her shoulders.

"I think Die had a little too much fun cooking. We're actually going to be taking it all over to a friends' house a couple blocks away. They have more space."

Die trundled in after them and blushed a bit.

"I wanted to celebrate all the cultures. American, Russian, and Japanese."

Miyuki slid up beside Die, patting his back in a hello.

"Russian?"

Die leaned into the touch a little.

"Fea." He smiled softly at her. "Kyo's significant other."

Miyuki blinked for a moment before remembering.

"Ooooh, Kyo-san! He'll be here?"

Die nodded and beamed at her. "He's moved here! They live just down the block now!"

Miyuki tilted her head, looking surprised.

"Really? I'm curious to see who he's with... someone who likes a challenge, surely. Kyo-san seems..." She chose her next words carefully. "Strong-willed."

Die chuckled.

"Indeed, he is and it does take a strong person. Fea's strong, trust me."

He switched hips for Asako and then made his way over to the desserts, stealing a cherry for Asako and giving it to her with a kiss on the cheek. Asako made a happy little sound, leaning on Die and eating the cherry with little smacking noises. Nick swooped in and dabbed her mouth just before she drooled on Die's white tank top, chuckling at her. Die grinned over at Nick and peered at him with incredibly happy eyes. He hadn't looked so happy since the day Kyo and Fea moved into the neighborhood. Die had things few and far between these days and he lived on every moment he could like these, trying to make certain that he kept his happiness as long as possible in the face of the prospect that it was entirely possible Kaoru wouldn't get better. But he kept his hopes up high for that as well, making sure to never think for more than a second on the what-ifs anymore.

Makoto started barking from the yard, and Fea came up onto the porch with Kyo behind him, both of them knocking snow off their boots and letting themselves in, grinning at everyone, Kyo shyly waving, half-hidden behind his lover. Kaoru introduced them around, Fea smiling politely at everyone, looking at all the food and shaking his head.

"Uh... I didn't bring a moving truck."

Die immediately went to Fea and Kyo, making Asako meet them while he cooed softly and looked right at home with a child on his hip. Fea leaned down and tickled her tummy, all smiles at her. Miyuki looked over the food and jingled the keys to her Forester.

"I could take some of it over in the car."

Die nuzzled her little cheek and cooed happily. After a moment though, he apologized to her and put her down, knowing he was going to have to go and help move food. Miyuki went out to the car and put the back seats down, making more space for the trays of food, Kyo and Fea starting to grab stuff and take it out to the car. Die went about getting together some food and then started to carry it out to the car.

Miyuki put herself in charge or arranging the trays so they wouldn't slide or topple, Nick helping out, almost everything fitting, only a few trays left. Fea grabbed two and started walking, giving Miyuki directions. She nodded and all but ordered Kaoru to get in the car, not wanting him to walk in the cold, Kaoru obeying immediately, sitting Katashi in his lap for the short drive over. Kyo grabbed another tray, and Nick got the last one, Sachiko and Tadashi starting to file out to follow over to Kyo and Fea's house. Die ended up locking up the house and picking Asako back up, carrying her along as he made his way down to the street and started to follow along after the others, a smile on his face and his eyes bright.

Miyuki creeped along beside Fea and Kyo, pulling into their driveway once they were at the house, getting out and starting to help take in the trays of food, Fea making sure the counters were clear so they could fit everything in the kitchen and do a buffet-style lunch with it. His father and Clairen were in the backyard, building a snowman. Die brought up the back, putting Asako down once they were in the yard and started helping with the food, humming to himself as he moved around. Asako toddled around, seeing the piano and making a beeline for it. Fea got down plates and silverware and put them at the table, rubbing Die's back.

"How do you want to do this? A sit-down dinner, or everybody just kind of mingling?"

Die leaned into Fea's touch, not noticing where Asako was headed off towards just yet.

"I think it'd be really awesome if we could all sit down and get to know one another."

His pocket vibrated and he pulled it out, seeing the screen light up with his friend's name.

"Hang on, I invited someone from work to come eat with us. He's calling."

He answered and spoke with him for a few minutes.

Once he hung up, he smiled again and murmured, "He'll be here in like two minutes, maybe."

Fea nodded and went to get his father and daughter from the yard, letting them know it was nearly time to eat, introducing them to Kaoru's family with Kaoru's help. Kyo rubbed Die's back and nodded about his guest, smiling, taking up the torch from Fea's conversation as if they were one person.

"I'll start setting the table. Are there some main dishes you want to leave there?"

Die leaned into Kyo's touch, smiling softly.

"Just leave the potatoes and corn on the table so people can get seconds from them. Is that good?"

Kyo nodded, getting to work, setting out both a water glass and a glass of tea at each place, Fea starting to set up a "kid's table" at the corner of the long dinner table for Sachiko. Die's phone vibrated once again and he bounded off to go outside, a sleek, deep purple car pulling up and parking alongside the curb. A tall, slim man slid out, his jet black hair framing his face beautifully. A little gust of wind picked up his hair enough to tell he was wearing a rather substantial amount of black eyeliner. A collar was tight around his neck and his outfit told of someone who was not at all afraid to flaunt themselves and thought they were just as hot as they really were. A black sports jacket rested over a tight white shirt and deep blue jeans hugged his gorgeous frame, neglecting no nuance at all. He emanated a sort of power that just said 'don't fuck with me'. The moment he laid eyes on Die, a wide smile lit up his face and he came toward him, carrying a bottle of fine red wine. He gave Die a very manly type of hug, patting him on the back with one arm and chuckling softly.

"Thanks so much for inviting me, man."

Die led him up the driveway and into the house, immediately going toward Kaoru to introduce him. Kaoru had finally handed Katashi off to Sachiko and was watching Fea try to teach Asako to play a little of Heart and Soul on the baby grand, which she had apparently decided was her new favorite thing. When he saw Die walk into with a sex god, his first reaction was arousal, then jealousy. Pushing it back, he managed a smile, waiting to be introduced. Die walked right up to Kaoru, slipping his arm around his baby's waist and smiling happily.

"Toshiya, this is Kaoru. Kaoru, this is Toshiya, my friend from work."

Toshiya held out one beautifully ringed hand, a sultry smile on his lips as he gently placed his hand in Kaoru's.

"A pleasure, I assure you. Die has told me so much about you and what an amazing person you are."

Kaoru blushed a little at that, squeezing Toshiya's hand and giving a shy bow. He had never imagined Die talking about him, especially at work. Fea's eyes were wandering to their new guest, and Kyo smacked him with a dish towel. Toshiya took his hand back and Die went about making sure he introduced everyone else in turn, Toshiya pretty much doing a very slight bow and shaking hands to everyone else. The rest of the family nodded and shook hands, Fea taking the bottle of wine with a smile and going to open it and let it breathe in the kitchen. Kyo looked the man over, Tadashi voicing his thoughts.

"Seems like there's quite a few more Japanese people here than I thought!"

Toshiya gave a cheeky little grin and tittered out a small laugh.

"We hide, sweetie."

He ran his hand down Tadashi's arm, his eyes alight with interest. But he let it be at that, knowing well that he was obviously related to Kaoru and presumably married to the older Japanese woman in the room. Tadashi's smile wavered, watching the young man touch him, then put his arm around his wife. Kaoru had to run to the bathroom upstairs to keep from dying with laughter. Die almost choked on air and had to escape to the kitchen, going to Fea and holding his arm for a moment, shaking with silent laughter.

"Oh lord," he finally gasped out, "he's got a thing for Tadashi."

He pretty much folded over in laughter, still holding onto Fea's arm. Fea gripped onto Die and bit his tongue, trying not to fall over with Die attached to him. Die finally got himself together and fanned the air in front of his face, huffing out soft breaths.

"Lord. This shall get interesting."

With that, he patted Fea and then headed out to the living room again. Toshiya was lounging against the wall, his hip cocked a bit and his face a mask of pure sexuality.

"So... I really appreciate being invited over here."

Kaoru got himself back together and came downstairs again, sliding up behind Kyo and giving him a little hug. He watched Die and Toshiya, secretly a little embarrassed, and equally just as amused at how both of them had no qualms about being the sexual creatures they obviously were born to be. Die patted Toshiya on his way past.

"Not a problem at all. You definitely shouldn't be alone on a holiday like this. That'd suck."

He slipped past him and over to Kyo and Kaoru.

"So do you think we're ready to eat now?" He looked incredibly hopeful.

Kyo nodded, looking around.

"Everyone's here and everything is set up. Maybe get the kids plates first, then the parents, then us?"

Die nodded and quickly went to get Asako, hoisting her up on his side and merrily going off toward the table. He picked up a paper plate and then started down the line.

"Point at what you want to eat, Asa-chan!"

Sachiko laughed and followed, making herself a plate and watching to make sure Asako wasn't going to be difficult with Die, Katashi on her hip. Fea helped Clairen get a plate together as well. The parents followed after, starting to make plates and sit down before Kyo and Kaoru and the other younger adults finally got themselves some food.

Asako pointed at a reasonable amount of many things, Die giving her small amounts of almost everything on the list. He looked happy with himself, putting her down and giving her a plastic fork and spoon. He kissed her little cheek and then went to the end of the line, getting his food last. He smiled at the fact that he saw almost everything sampled almost evenly and his heart swelled with pride.

Die settled down next to Kaoru, his gaze flicking to the way things had come into play in the seating arrangement and he almost choked again, having to cover it with a cough. Toshiya had planted himself firmly at Tadashi's side, his chair a little closer than was perhaps necessary, though not close enough to actually bother him or make him feel uncomfortable. But he was clearly in stalking his prey mode and it was all too obvious to Die, who'd seen this part of Toshiya in action many nights at work. Kaoru reached over and squeezed Die's hand, smiling at him. Yakov was sitting across from Tadashi, discussing architecture with him, Clairen between her grandfather and father, and Kyo between Fea and Kaoru with the rest of Kaoru's family on the other side of the table. Yakov was a rather typical Russian man of his age, born and raised just after World War II. His features and posture and voice were all large and what was expected of his countrymen, the similarities to his son minimal; the nose, the sparkle in the eyes, but most of all, the sociable personality and the sense of humor, he and Tadashi dominating the dinner conversation for a while.

Tadashi did not seem to notice Toshiya's advances, though Miyuki was giving him in the evil eye over her food. Die kept giving Yakov interested looks, always enjoying meeting new people, especially meeting Fea's family. He munched on his food, happy to know that it had turned out just as good as he'd thought it would be. Toshiya didn't even register the dirty looks, not really paying attention to much else but Tadashi, occasionally offering him a refill on a drink or picking up his napkin when it ended up in the floor, all kinds of little things that seemed mostly kind.

Die finished up his first serving and leaned over to Kaoru, whispering in his ear, "I wonder how long before Tadashi stops being oblivious to what Toshiya's doing."

He smirked a bit and shook his head. Toshiya, on the other hand, was edging closer to Tadashi, offering to get him seconds, anything he wanted and he'd just go get it for him. All of it was done in a very smooth manner with minimal contact, though he did touch his arm a few times. Kaoru shook his head.

"I hope he stays blind to it."

It was becoming rather difficult, however, with the way Toshiya was acting. Tadashi blinked at him at the offer of seconds, shaking his head and blushing, confused by the way the young man acted.

"Ah... no, but thank you, Toshiya-san."

Die ducked his head to hide his grin.

"Dude, I seriously doubted you until now on that one. But apparently you're right. Anyone not attached has an instant thing apparently."

Toshiya patted his arm a little bit and then settled back down, crossing one leg over the other and leaving him alone for the time being.

Kaoru tried not to look as mortified as he was, shaking his head.

"Nope. He's got this signal he doesn't know about that 95% of people pick up on, and about 95% of that 95% try to get in his pants like he isn't married or my dad."

"Toshiya's morals are a little," Die shrugged and tilted his hand from side-to-side before he straightened himself and cleared his throat a bit. "I can talk to him if you want," he muttered a bit.

Toshiya seemed oblivious, turning to talk to Sachiko, going right back to being suave and sweet, as though he hadn't been trying to hit on Tadashi. Kaoru laughed, getting up to make himself another plate.

"Please do."

Sachiko latched onto Toshiya immediately, hoping if she could hold him in conversation he would leave her father alone, knowing that the more wine Miyuki had, the more awkward and unsavory the situation could end up. Die waited until he went to get dessert before he tapped Toshiya on the shoulder, motioning for him to come with him.

"Help me come serve this up, will you?"

He shot Kyo and Fea a mental message to stay put, this was on purpose. Toshiya willingly got up and followed him into the kitchen, where Die sort of cornered him, leaning on the counter with one sharp hip.

"Totchi... man... I love you to death, but for the love of god, please stop hitting on Kaoru's _father_."

Toshiya's eyes grew wide.

"Oh my lord! That's his father!"

He put a hand over his mouth and then leaned in hissing out, "He's drop-dead gorgeous! How old is he?! I'd so still tap that, no matter how old. Cougar or... wait... what's the male version of a cougar?"

Die shook his head a little and put his hand over his eyes.

"I have no idea. But that's beside the point. Stop hitting on him, pretty please."

He sighed and shook his head a little, peering between his fingers at him.

"It's putting Miyuki and Kaoru on edge. So chillax, man."

Toshiya licked his lips a little and then sighed, nodding ever so slightly.

"Yeah, sure... sure. But goddamn..." he trailed off and flushed a bit. "Definitely got fap material in my mind on that one."

Die literally smacked his palm to his own forehead and moved to start serving up dessert.

“Toshiya, I swear to fucking god. I do _not_ need to know what you're thinking about my friggin’ father-in-law, okay? That's not alright."

Kaoru breathed a thankful sigh of relief at Die trying to get Toshiya to back off, watching Fea speak to his daughter with his hands, always finding sign language interesting and something he sucked at horribly.

Toshiya chuckled and moved to nudge him a little bit with his hip.

"Aww, come on... you're telling me you're with the younger version and you don't find the older version hot? Isn't that like saying you won't think Kaoru's hot when he's older?"

Die glowered at Toshiya for a moment.

"I will age with Kaoru, thank you very much. And I'm not saying Tadashi isn't hot. He's just like... my father-in-law, man. You don't think in that manner about such things."

Toshiya shrugged.

"To each their own."

He reached to help as well, getting a little piece of each dessert for each person and then started taking them out, giving Tadashi his first and then continuing on. He couldn't help the little wink he gave him as he handed it over. It was the last thing he'd do, but he had to, just couldn't resist it. Lucky for Die, he didn't notice it and was too busy trying to give the desserts to the kids, looking for all the world incredibly happy as he shared with them, grinning from ear to ear.

Asako squealed and looked at Die like he was a saint, Clairen smiling at him and telling him "thank you" very quietly, gesturing away from her chin at the same time. Kaoru squeezed Die's hand once he'd sat down again, leaning to kiss his cheek.

"It's all really, really good, baby."

Die gave each kid a little kiss on the cheek as he gave them the desserts. He then went to get his own plate and came to sit back down next to Kaoru, crossing one slim leg over the other and leaning into his side.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. I hope everyone else is as well."

Kaoru looked around the table at the empty plates and quickly disappearing desserts.

"Oh, I think you're a favorite right now."

Die let out a soft laugh that sounded slightly girly. He blushed and ducked his head a little, realizing some people here didn't know about him. He shifted a bit again and tasted the desserts, glad they had all turned out okay. Miyuki finished and got up first, collecting plates to start to wash. She took Die's dinner plate and kissed the top of his head.

"It was wonderful, thank you Die-kun."

Die beamed up at her and quickly finished up his dessert, almost wolfing it down to get up and start to help with the dishes. He collected a stack and headed off to the kitchen to start washing them up. Fea jumped up and rushed after, grabbing Die and steering him back to his seat.

"Ah ah ah! You cooked all of this, you sit down and relax. I'll help with the dishes."

Die looked sort of confused, handing over the dishes and looking sheepish.

"But it's so many dishes!"

Fea laughed.

"Exactly. And it was a lot of food! You did your part."

Die sat and scooted closer to Kaoru, putting his hand on his lover's leg and then glancing toward the door and then over at Tadashi, who Toshiya was sort of eying again.

"Shall we go smoke?"

Tadashi looked sated and full, perking at Die and then blinking, realizing what he'd ask.

"Yes, please."

He excused himself and stood, going around the table and patting Die's shoulder, walking out to the back porch, digging his pipe from the inside pocket of his jacket. Die got up and patted Kaoru, heading out with Tadashi and closing the door behind them, sitting where the door would hit him if it opened again, thus preventing any nosiness from Toshiya. He pulled out his menthols and lit one up, pulling in the smoke and happily letting it out with a sigh. Tadashi lit is pipe and started to puff, looking at the snow in silence.

After a moment he let out shakily, "He's so thin..."

He frowned, then squeezed Die's arm, trying to smile.

"At least I know it's not because of your cooking."

Die gave him a sad little smile and moved to just hug him, not at all ashamed of it, just looping his arm around him and resting his head on his shoulder.

"It'll be okay... he'll be okay. I think he's getting more toward thinking he can make it now... and that'll help him so much."

Tadashi went rigid, trying to hold in his emotion, but he'd been wanting to cry for his son for months. Seeing him so frail put fear in his heart like jagged ice. He pressed an arm back around Die, hiding his face in the other's red hair.

"I hope... I pray every day."

Die held onto him, sensing that they needed this moment in private and he murmured, "Let it out, Tadashi... I won't tell a soul, you know I won't."

Tadashi sucked in a breath, putting both arms around Die and crushing him against his chest, sobbing into his hair.

"That's my boy!" he wailed, not sure what he was trying to convey, overcome and confused, wondering why they had to be going through this again.

Die held him tight, tossing his cigarette down and crushing it. He just held him tight and stroked his back, tears falling down his cheeks as he felt how much Tadashi had needed this.

"He's strong, Tadashi... he just needed to remember he's strong."

Tadashi shook his head, clinging to Die and crying hard, his pipe going out, hardly even held in his hands, threatening to drop to the porch. He cried himself out into Die's hair, needing to let out how frail Kaoru looked was affecting him, making him terrified that he would lose his only son. Die took the pipe from him, putting it on the railing and then went back to hugging Tadashi. He rocked a little bit on the balls of his feet and just held him, letting him get whatever he needed to out. It pained him to see someone keep it all in. He knew he'd had his fair share of sobbing sessions so far from this.

"He was so little when it started... I thought I would lose him then and when he was okay, I thought it was over."

He felt ashamed for being so emotional, but the damn was open and could not to be close now. Die rubbed his back gently.

"I can't even imagine how I'd feel if this were the second time...."

"It's awful," Tadashi wailed, his voice cracking. "He's my only son! My first child!"

Die nodded again, still rocking him.

"I know... and I'm always here for you, always always."

"I know that," Tadashi pulled back, holding Die's face in his hands. "You're family now, but... it's just... it isn't the same. He's my blood; I raised him, I watched him grow up. I'm not supposed to watch him die."

Die rubbed his back more and murmured softly, "I didn't mean like that, Tadashi. I mean whenever you need this, whenever you need the release, I'm here. I'm always here."

Tadashi mopped his eyes, pulling himself back today.

"I know, I know..."

Die reached to touch his face, gently wiping away some of the tears.

"It's okay to feel, Tadashi... it's okay to let it out. It's better for you if you do."

He composed himself, shaking his head.

"Sometimes... sometimes it breaks you completely."

Die moved his hands to rub his shoulders gently.

"He'll make it, Tadashi."

Tadashi sniffed, composing himself and nodding as he reached for his pipe. He relit it and sighed, looking out over the snow. Changing subjects with a bit of gear grinding, he managed a smile.

"Dinner really was wonderful, thank you."

Die slid one arm around his waist still, holding himself against Tadashi's side, looking out over the yard.

"Thank you. I've been cooking for days."

Tadashi smiled, putting his arm fondly around Die's shoulders and puffing at his pipe, watching a few birds who had stayed the winter picking through the snow for anything. Silence, to turn to the present moment, that's what often helped him through when his heart felt ready to crack. Die tilted his head a bit and he smiled softly at the way that the birds picked through the snow.

"They're brave."

Tadashi chuckled, squeezing Die in a one-armed hug around the waist.

"Brave or stubborn. Both, maybe..."

Die smiled softly.

"Yeah... well... they're like us, I guess."

Tadashi smiled softly, patting Die's back in a soothing gesture that was more to calm himself than Die. He finished smoking his pipe in silence, tapping it out over the railing and into the snow, tucking the pipe back into his jacket and waiting for Die to finish his cigarette. Die finished up his cigarette in short order and then clasped Tadashi's shoulder for a moment.

"Hey... I'm sorry about my friend. He's a bit... uh... forward?" He winced a bit. "Just... ignore him."

Tadashi blinked a moment, then laughed.

"Ah... I see. I'll do my best."

He was honestly a bit oblivious to it, finding him just a bit odd, but Die confirmed now that the younger man was actually coming onto him.

"He should be careful, Miyuki bites."

Die let out a soft laugh.

"I sorta noticed that much. She was glaring daggers at him." He gave a lopsided smirk. "The fight would be epic though!"

He said it in such a way that made it clear he was teasing. Tadashi feigned a laugh and then shook his head gravely.

"Oh, that poor young man would die painfully..."

"I'm sure he would," he commented and laughed softly, patting Tadashi's back. "I think he's laying off though, so hopefully it'll stop."

Tadashi chuckled, pulling open the door to go back inside.

"Let's hope."

Die slipped inside with a quiet, "Thank you."

Wandering inside, he headed for the kitchen and got a new glass of wine, coming back out while sipping it, just enjoying having some for once again.

"So..." he grinned happily, "what's next?!"

Fea gave Die the eye, asking him quietly, "Is that okay?"

He tried not to be obvious, asking as a friend that cared, not wanting it to sound judgmental. Die reached and ran his hand down Fea's arm.

"I'm fine, I promise. I just want it because it's a good wine, not because I feel like I need to chase anything away."

He offered him a little smile.

"But if I try to get more than this, stop me."

Fea nodded, rubbing his back and watching as Clairen came over to him, tugging his arm and signing to him. He smiled and leaned down, picking her up and putting her on his hip. He looked to Die and then around for Kyo.

"She wants me to play Christmas songs... now where did my duet partner get off to?"

Die chuckled a little.

"Maybe beating Toshiya's ass somewhere?"

As if on cue the other man pranced into the room, looking a bit rosy around the cheeks. He came right up and ruffled Clairen's hair and then pecked Die on the cheek.

"Hey there, sweetheart. You know what's the most hilarious about this night?"

He didn't even wait a moment before going for the answer.

"That I've been laid every Christmas but this one!"

Die sort of stared at him in horror for a moment and then coughed.

"Er... Toshiya, maybe you should lay off the booze."

Fea groaned, going off to find Kyo and wander into the parlor to the piano, Clairen giving Toshiya an odd look, thinking perhaps she was lucky to not have heard that. Toshiya just patted his cheek and then leaned in a bit, sort of trapping Die against the counter.

"But if I'm not mistaken... you're a bit on the lacking side in the sex department, too, aren't you?"

He pressed his hips to Die's, showing him he was hard already. Die gasped, his face flushing brightly as he pushed a little on Toshiya's chest.

"I think it's time for me to go... open presents."

Yes, that seemed reasonable, didn't it? He pushed a little more against that unmoving wall of flesh.

"Oh! I hear Kaoru calling to me!"

He pulled it out of his ass, assuming the other was drunk enough to go with it and might move.

"Come on, Die... I know you think I'm sexy... don't you want to fuck with me?"

Toshiya pushed a little more toward him and inside Die started to panic. If anyone saw this, he was a dead man, he knew that for certain. Kaoru would never forgive him despite it not being his fault or his doing. He'd invited Toshiya and obviously somewhere in drunk-ville that had given him the wrong impression. He put his glass down and shifted to use both hands, pushing harder.

"Toshiya, please, I need to go."

Thankfully for Die, everyone was gathered around the piano, singing little snatches of carols as Kyo and Fea played together, snuggled up beside one another on the bench. Kaoru, however, toddled back towards the kitchen for a glass of water, stopping short at what he saw. Anger flashed hot inside him and he grit his teeth, but he stood back, watching for a moment. It was clear enough that Die was refusing the advances, but something in him wondered if maybe he didn't really want to... Toshiya was incredibly good looking, and willing... he certainly couldn't give anything to Die at the moment, and maybe he never really could. He took a step back and watched, not sure what to do, hardly noticing the tears starting to well up and breach his lashes.

Toshiya wasn't taking ‘no’ for an answer, leaning in toward him and putting his glass down in order to get a hold of Die's hips and grind up against him. Die's hands shot up to Toshiya's hair and he yanked hard.

"Stop," he bit out, hissing it so that it wouldn't disturb anyone else's time. But it was clear he meant business. "I know you're drunk, I get that you're fucking horny. But there's a goddamn bathroom about thirty feet that way." He yanked his hair in that direction a bit. "So go fucking use it."

Toshiya finally peeled himself off and huffed a little.

"Fine. It'll never be as good as it could be with you involved. But okay."

He turned away and started off toward the bathroom, tottering around a bit on his way. Die pressed one hand to his face and sighed softly as he dragged it over his eyes.

"God," he let out softly. "What did I do to attract this shit?"

Toshiya, on the other hand, just rushed off toward the bathroom, already undoing his belt. Kaoru stepped forward once Toshiya was gone, going up to Die and kissing his cheek softly, sliding his arms around him and just holding him, not saying a word.

Die let out a little gasp at the touch, but sank into it, knowing who it was almost instantly. He pulled him close and bowed his head, closing his eyes.

After a few moments of silence, he whispered out, "How much of that did you see?"

He could only pray it was most of it, anything but something implicating him somehow.

Kaoru sighed and rubbed Die's back, nuzzling gently against him.

"Most of it, I think... you're lucky I'm cancer boy right now, I'd beat his ass."

Die sighed.

"He's drunk. He'll never even remember in the morning. I guess it was a bad idea to invite him over, and I'm sorry."

"I think maybe it was..." Kaoru pulled back and sighed. "But it's no matter now. Come on."

He took Die by the hand and went back into the parlor where Nick had talked Kyo into playing something from A Charlie Brown Christmas while Fea played a snare drum balanced across his knees with brushes. They were such an odd, eccentric, musical couple, but it worked so well. It was also clear that Kyo had watched A Charlie Brown Christmas about a thousand times in his life, primarily for the jazz soundtrack.

Die sighed softly, picking up his glass and going with Kaoru back into the living room, quietly sitting down on the couch and pulling Kaoru into his lap. It was half for protection from Toshiya and half because he liked snuggling with Kaoru. Mostly, he was just in his lap for protection because they could have snuggled side-by-side easier. Kaoru looped his arms around Die's neck, resting his cheek in his lover's hair, watching Fea and Kyo together, and his family around them. It felt... well, Christmas-y.

It was almost fifteen minutes before Toshiya came back out. He didn't even say a word, just left out the door and a moment later, his car could be heard peeling out from in front of the house.

Die winced and mumbled, "I won't forgive myself if he fucking crashes on the way home like a dumbfuck."

Kaoru hushed him softly, kissing his temple.

"If he does, it's his own damn fault."

Die pouted a little and then nodded.

"I'm still sorry... about... that."

He gestured a little and made a face. Kaoru shook his head.

"You pushed him away. That's the only thing you could control and you did the right thing. Nothing else is your fault. Maybe for inviting him, but, you couldn't control his behavior."

"I just felt bad for him and at work, he's super nice. In fact, he's generally super nice, just... apparently not when he's drunk."

He frowned a bit. Kaoru shushed his lover again, kissing his brow.

"Don't worry about it now. He got rowdy, it's not your fault, he's gone now."

He turned back to watch Kyo try to teach Clairen how to play Jingle Bells, laughing when Asako tried to learn, too. Die leaned closer to Kaoru and sighed softly, closing his eyes and resting on him a little.

"They're so cute," he commented quietly.

Kaoru grinned, fishing out his phone and snapping a quick photo.

"We'll have babies of our own one day. Maybe their Uncle Kyo will teach them to play."

Die smiled softly and nodded a bit.

"Yeah... maybe he will. And it'll be adorable."

Kaoru laughed a bit, Miyuki coming over to sit by them. She pat Kaoru's cheek wordlessly, smiling at him, just nursing her wine and watching Sachiko play in the floor with Katashi. Die peered up when he felt another presence and then reached over to lay his hand on Miyuki's knee for a moment before drawing it back, just a little wordless affection of his own. She looked down at his hand, smiling softly. Sachiko came over to them after a while, setting Katashi in Kaoru's lap.

"Kata-chan, you haven't met your Uncle Dai yet!"

Die perked up a bit again and peered at the little kid, his face full of curiosity. He reached out one hand, wiggling his fingers a little and waiting on them to be grabbed. Katashi gurgled slightly, looking at Die with a little grin, looking at the fingers in front of him. He swatted at them at first, nearly losing balance, both Kaoru and Sachiko laughing, steadying him. Die smiled a little and then reached to take hold of one little baby hand, doing it gently and cooing softly. Katashi blinked his huge eyes at Die, the color seeming more like a deep blue than brown. He stare at Die in wonder so unlike the giddiness Asako showed for her uncle, but it was clear he was captivated by Die, as his sister was. Die shifted to reach his other hand and gently cup his cheek, his thumb rubbing gently over the cute little cheek, a soft smile on his lips.

"Hey there, cutie."

Sachiko leaned and kissed her son's soft wisp of hair.

"Maybe if you’re sweet, your uncles will let you wear a cute little tux and be the ring bearer."

Die continued to stroke over that soft cheek.

"For sure. We have a lovely flower girl for certain. Two of them, I believe."

Kaoru laughed softly, a hand on his nephew's back to help him sit up in his lap. Miyuki cooed to him softly, watching Die, finding herself surprised to think that she really did want him and Kaoru to have children together. Die looked absolutely pleased for a long moment before he finally kissed the top of Katashi's head and then settled back. He placed his hand on his belly with a sort of odd look on his face, though one not unfamiliar to Kaoru, as he thought of all that could have been.

Sachiko left Katashi with her brother, going over to watch Asako in Kyo's lap, the blond laughing himself into a tizzy over the little girl banging on the keys and squealing with joy. Her happiness was infectious, a rare gift, it seemed. No one could watch Asako laugh and smile without feeling just a little brighter. Die's phone vibrated after a few minutes and he pulled it out, looking at it and then making a face.

"Fuck." He stood up and glanced around, then leaned down and murmured in Kaoru's ear, "Forgot my pill, I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

Kaoru blinked at him, sliding out of his lap and onto the couch. Nodding, he dug his keys out and handed them to Die so he could get into the house, leaning up to kiss his cheek. Die headed for the door, glancing back at everyone, watching for a moment and then slipping out, quietly closing the door and heading off down the street.

Yakov came to sit beside Miyuki, chatting her up about the wonders of grandchildren, Tadashi being rather charming with Fea and Kyo, playing along with Asako while Nick and Sachiko slipped away to the kitchen for a breather. Being parents of such young children was exhausting and it was nice to pass them off now and again.

Die made his way back along the darkened streets, his hands in his pockets and his thoughts meandering over a great many things, including how things would end up in the future. It took him almost twenty minutes to make the walk home with how slow he was being. By the time he got to the door, he was freezing and shivering a little bit. Slipping inside, he went to get his pill from the medicine cabinet, taking it and then running his hands under the warm water for a few minutes before going back to the living room and kneeling down under the tree, picking up a box labeled with Kaoru's name, a lump in his throat. He was still so unsure about doing this and more he was unsure about doing it at such a time. But he also knew he didn't want it to wait any longer. He'd waited so long and he knew in his heart he was ready to take that final step even if it meant severe pain in the future at the loss of his dearest.

Standing up, he clutched the box and then slipped it into his pocket, going and getting a small packet of tissues as well, knowing this would be waterworksville. His heart thudding in his chest, he pretty much ran the rest of the way back to Kyo and Fea's place, only stopping a few doors down to catch his breath, trying desperately to mentally get Kyo or Fea to hear him. Fea was out on the front porch, huddled in his jacket, squinting at Die down the street, feeling the nudge. The other was getting good at calling on him and Kyo.

"Die," he said softly, his voice carrying easily through the quiet street.

He looked at him a moment, making a questioning gesture with his hands. Die came up, careful to avoid the windows so he wasn't spotted and awkwardly stood there for a moment. He pulled out the box and opened it for a brief moment before putting it back in his pocket.

"Er... is Kaoru still sitting with Katashi in his lap or is he open for me to um... interact with directly?"

Fea cocked a brow, watching Die acting weird.

"Uh, he's sitting in the kitchen with my dad, I think. ...Why?"

Die bowed his head and then mumbled softly, "I have his ring."

Fea froze with his cigarette halfway to his lips, blinking rapidly.

"Youhuhwhat?"

Die pulled out the box again and showed him again, this time making sure he kept it out a bit longer before putting it back in his pocket. Having not noticed in the dim light before, Fea actually looked down this time, eyes going wide.

"Holy fuck. Fuck. Um... Um."

He looked around, not knowing what to do, finally putting his cigarette out on a pile of snow on the railing.

"Do you want me to go distract Dad away from him?"

"Get them in the living room for me? Pretend like I haven't come back yet."

He blushed a little and shifted nervously. Fea blinked.

"Everyone?"

Again, he nodded a bit and looked embarrassed. Fea nodded, trying to think of something before going into the house. On a whim, he suggested everyone get together for a picture and that surely Die would be back soon to jump in for it, waving everyone into the living room from where they'd spread out, mingling with one another. Die waited a few minutes before he finally slipped into the house, making his way completely across the house until he was standing in front of Kaoru. Die cleared his throat and then took Kaoru's hand, kneeling down in front of him and extracting the box from his pocket. Swallowing thickly, he then opened the box and held it out to Kaoru, the ring he'd been steadily paying off inside, the gold band laced with red gold and white gold swirls, a few diamond chips studded throughout, some of it brushed and some smooth.

"Niikura Kaoru, will you stay with me for the rest of our lives?"

Kaoru felt like a whirlwind had crashed into the house, despite the fact that Die had come in very calmly, the others in the house talking with each other and trying to figure out where to stand for pictures, suddenly going quiet when they saw Die go down on one knee. Kaoru's tired eyes flew wide open and he wobbled a bit. Fea was immediately at his side, Kyo following quickly to the other, both of them making sure Kaoru didn't fall over. The room was painfully silent except for Katashi making little gurgling sounds. Kaoru opened his mouth and just a breathy, wavering sound came out at first. He licked his dry lips, looking at the ring, looking at Die, looking at Die's ring. The thought that they were already engaged didn't cross his mind. It meant the world to him that Die was asking this now.

Tears tracked down his face and he had to take a moment to find his voice again, shaking, Fea and Kyo having to really hold him up for a moment until he finally croaked out, "y-yes."

Die extracted the ring from the box, a huge smile on his face as he took Kaoru's hand and placed the ring on it. He was gentle about it, praying it would still fit since he'd sized it for before all the cancer bits had started. Once he had it on Kaoru's finger, he gently kissed his hand over the ring and then stood up, slipping the box back into his pocket and standing up. He framed Kaoru's face in his hands and leaned in, kissing him gently on the lips, lingering for a long moment.

Kaoru was trembling, obviously happy, kissing Die back as everyone in the room finally snapped back to themselves, clapping loudly. Fea and Kyo hugged both of them tightly once Die had pulled away from the kiss, Miyuki snapping pictures like a paparazzo, Tadashi wiping a lone tear from his eye behind her. Die took Kaoru into his arms and held onto him tightly, grinning like a total moron the entire time. He was so happy everyone could see it and now knew just how much the other meant to him. Kaoru squeezed onto Die as much as he could, face pressed into his hair. He rubbed up and down the other's back, making little noises that almost sounded like sobs, overjoyed and not sure how to express himself just then. Fea hurried off to the kitchen.

"Wait, wait, wait, I know I have some champagne!"

Die just kept holding onto Kaoru and grinning stupidly.

"I love you so much, baby," he mumbled out, a slight sheen of happy tears in his eyes.

Kaoru made a series of noises that sounded somewhat like "I love you, too".

Fea popped back into the living room and counted heads, coming back with champagne glasses for Kaoru and Die and Kaoru's parents, only having four, giving everyone else wine glasses, and Kyo and himself regular tumblers. He laughed a little, taking the bottle of champagne and letting the cork pop, kissing them both on the cheek and pouring short glasses around for everyone but the children. Kyo was beaming at them both, rubbing Die's back.

"Congratulations."

Die finally let go of Kaoru enough to take the glass he was offered and then lean into Kyo's touch a little, his cheeks flushed with utter delight.

"Thank you," he breathed out before holding up the glass. "To the best man I could ever have!"

A little cheer went up, Kaoru blushing horribly, unable to get the smile off his face, clinking his glass with Die's, everyone else tapping glasses with anyone nearest them. Fea and Kyo looked like proud parents, arms around each other, watching the happy couple. Miyuki came rushing forward and nearly sloshing champagne everywhere, worming her way in between her son and Die and giving the redhead and tight hug, her face pressed against his chest. Die beamed happily and then hugged her back tightly, his eyes bright. Indeed it seemed she really was getting to a point of liking him a lot. Which was a good thing given how he was definitely planning on making this happen, even if it meant doing it before Kaoru was better.

Tadashi came up from behind Die, both of them squeezing Die tightly before pulling Kaoru into a hug, which essentially cued a dog pile of hugs and tears, Yakov sitting with the children and laughing, picking up Fea's camera and making sure to get photos. Die leaned back into the hug a little as well, an incredibly stupid-ass grin on his face. Kaoru was biting his lip hard, caught somewhere between wanting to scream at the top of his lungs in joy and wanting to just sob and cry into pillows for the same reason. Everyone finally let go of them, and Fea managed to get them all on or around the couch.

"Come on, come on, group photo!"

Die scrambled around and then finally grabbed Kaoru, smashing him against him, just a wee bit on the drunk side from the wine and putting one foot up in the air behind himself, leaning in and pressing his lips to Kaoru's, a stupid grin still plastered to his face.

Fea laughed and made sure to snap two photos before sticking his camera on a tripod and setting the self-timer. He ran around and knelt down next to Kyo, who was standing behind Clairen, his arms around her shoulders, her little hands on his elbows. Everyone shoved together, smiling, not just for the camera, but for a real presence of family and love around them. Die moved to press his cheek against Kaoru's, his eyes bright and happy while he stared at the camera, looking for all the world like life was actually okay for a moment.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven

Christmas had been about the last high-point in Die's life. Everything from there on forward had taken a sharp turn for the worse, and he honestly thought he was just a sliver away from losing his mind at any given point. It had only been a week after Christmas when he was informed the club he worked for was turning into a posh club instead of a gay bar. And in the process, they were re-evaluating employees and found him a bit too 'outside of the box' to actually include on the staff roster, despite his stellar performance over the entire time he'd been there. He'd found temporary employment relatively fast, working two nights a week at a sleazy bar that he refrained from telling anyone about, just saying he was working for a 'new' place. He was sure some people in his life would eventually figure it out, but he did his best to not show how stressed out it was making him and just apply for a shit-ton more places in the process. He just counted himself lucky to have what he did for the time being.

The days passed by and he plodded through life, hoping things would look upwards again, only to have received a call he'd never thought about actually getting around four one morning, just after having gotten off from work. His mother had been taken to ICU where she'd passed away. The official cause was given as heart failure. And while Die had had problems with his mother, he still found her death to be an absolute blow. The only problem was, he did his very best to hide it away, to pretend like he was happy the 'bitch' was dead. He flaunted it around for the matter of the next four days, right up until the funeral, which he hadn't so much been invited to as told to stay away from.

But now, here he stood, standing over the grave of his mother, the casket set out upon the silver railings that would take her down in the ground when the time came. He was wearing a stark black suit, his red hair dyed temporarily black in what could only be considered mourning, something he'd done only hours before arriving. He'd insisted on coming by himself, though he'd told others when it was, uncertain as to what on earth he was going to do to deal with everything, unable to keep up the front that he didn't care. Now he stood there, the sky pouring rain down on the tent over the grave, a single black rose in his hand, the thorns pushing into his palm as he gripped it too hard. His eyes were hard to read, the depths churning with something both agonizing and unpleasant as he stared down at the casket as it was lowered into the ground. He hadn't cried, hadn't even shed a tear the entire duration of the speeches and he'd declined several times to give his own, just shaking his head when various family members that didn't even realize who he was tried to hand over the floor to him.

Kyo felt oddly like a spy, sitting in the car just behind the hill, out of the way of the funeral. Fea, the only one of them that could drive, sat behind the wheel of Kaoru's Honda, the owner in the back. Despite Die insisting on going it alone, all three of them knew he needed support, whether the man knew it himself. The rain seemed loud, none of them talking, each focused on the tall, slender black figure standing over the lowering casket. Jiro came up beside Die, watching as the casket went into the ground as well. His face was streaked with tears, eyes bloodshot, and he gripped a tissue in his hand, sodden from the tears of the entire ceremony. Die didn't even move, not a single inch, not even glancing at the figure beside him, his eyes glued to the casket as it descended into the depths. Finally it hit bottom and someone started to disassemble the pieces of the device, doing it quickly and efficiently. The stupid green AstroTurf under Die's feet shifted a bit as the soft dirt gave slightly, forcing him to back up just enough to prevent having to feel like he was going to go tumbling into the depths of hell right along with his mother.

A few minutes passed and finally the cemetery employee moved to hand Die the shovel, telling him as the older child, he should be the first to put the dirt in the hole. Apparently Jiro would then go and their father last. Die took the shovel, holding it in his hands for a long moment before he let it drop to the ground and instead leaned over the hole and spit, his eyes finally glistening with tears.

"You stupid bitch!" he let out, the pain showing clearly through everything. "You hated me until the day you died and you're probably sitting wherever you went and laughing at me because I'm crying over your pathetic excuse of a life."

He threw the rose in almost violently, anger overcoming everything.

"I hated you!"

He turned to Jiro and Hitoshi.

"And I hate you! I hate you for not supporting me, for not caring, and more than anything for existing!"

In the span of the time it took the others to take in what Die was rattling off, Jiro's face went from agonized to furious and not a moment later, his fist was connecting solidly with Die's nose, a sickening crunch filling the air as Die went reeling backwards into the folding chairs, collapsing in the middle of it, Jiro following fast after him.

The three men in the car held their breath. As soon as the shovel hit the ground, Kaoru calmly grabbed his umbrella and stepped out of the car, a look of sternness and determination across his features. He started slowly throw the soggy grounds towards the tent. Kyo's hand tensed, reaching for the handle, but he stayed where he was, watching, watching... The moment Jiro turned and swung at Die, both he and Fea were out of the car in an instant, sprinting towards Die, passing Kaoru, not really sure what in the hell they would do, but knowing they had to intervene.

Jiro was on top of Die almost instantly, his fist pounding over and over into the other's face. It took a moment for Die to actually respond to it, finally kicking and screaming at Jiro that he was the worst asshole in the world, throwing insults left and right at him. He kicked up a few times, finally kneeing the other right in the groin. Jiro screamed and Die rammed one hand up right into the other's nose as hard as he could. Fea grabbed Jiro by the shoulders, hauling him off Die, Kyo diving towards his friend, both of them panting and soaked with rain, their hair sticking to them. Kyo's eyes were wide, looking down at Die, the frenzy of the moment impossible for him to block out.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, are you OK?"

Die made another grab for Jiro before he realized what was going on and just let himself flop back, tears still streaking down his face. His hands came to hold on Kyo's arms as he let out a sob, curling up slightly, agony of a completely emotional kind slicing through him. Kyo's face crumpled, and Kaoru made it to the tent a moment later, going over to his lover immediately, watching to make sure Fea had Jiro under control. He crouched down next to Die and touched his hair.

"Baby... baby, come home. Don't let this come to this. Just... get in the car and let's go home."

Die clung onto Kyo, the first thing he'd grabbed onto, his hands clenching so hard he was probably bruising the small blonde. He shuddered a little and managed to look up at Kaoru, tears still rushing down his face. Only a few more moments passed before he finally started to try to move, blood pouring down his face from his nose, staining the white shirt of his suit. Kyo tried to hold back the sound of pain at Die's hands on his arms, helping him up while Fea played bodyguard, trying to make sure no one else decided to turn this into an all-out situation. Kaoru held his umbrella over Die and hugged him around the waist.

"I love you, baby... it's OK. It's OK, I promise..."

Die sort of leaned into both Kyo and Kaoru, stumbling along with them toward the car, his head hung low, his hair in his face, black strands obscuring his vision as he walked along. Kaoru opened the back door of the car, and Kyo helped get Die in, hissing at the other's bloody face, Kaoru getting in with him while Fea and Kyo, soaking wet with rain, got into the front. Kyo's hair, still long, was a dark, dull gold, Fea's a black mess, dripping water and stuck down their backs. Kyo turned around a little, and Fea just started driving, not thinking about what they'd do about Die's car or even where he was going, just getting the fuck away from there for all of them. Kaoru look at Die and frowned deeply, searching around for napkins to clean his face.

"Oh god, honey... Oh baby, I'm so sorry..."

Die sat there, just wiping at his face with the side of his hand, sniffling a little bit and making slight faces as he did.

"He fucking deserved it," he bit out, sounding rather sour. " _She_ fucking deserved it."

Kaoru shushed him, carefully cleaning Die's face.

"I know... love, I know."

He closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat, tears streaming down his face while he lay there, whimpering a little bit.

"I..." he shifted a little and then let out a soft sob, his thoughts rushing over how if he could lose someone he hated, he could be so close to losing someone he cared about dearly, someone he'd die if he lost.

Kaoru didn't bother with a seatbelt, scooting across the seat and holding Die close, purring softly in his ear.

"It's alright... everything is alright, Die. I'm so sorry. I'm here, baby."

Die sort of scrunched himself up and started sobbing into his knees, shuddering a little bit.

"I... lose..." he whined softly and then slammed his hand against his own knees.

Kaoru jumped a bit, then reached forward again, petting over Die's hair and back, kissing his shoulder, slid across the seat and cradling him. After a few minutes, Die shifted towards Kaoru, curling up on his side on the seat, his head in the other's lap, his arms wrapped tightly around his own body and his slim figure wracked with shudders every few seconds. His mind very clearly screamed of how he had lost his mother and now he could lose Kaoru at any moment, his own personal vision of hell fogging every single thought, making it hard for him to concentrate on anything or even breathe.

Kaoru frowned deeply, petting Die's hair, not knowing what else to do. Kyo reached back and searched out one of Die's hands, holding it. The rest of the car ride was somewhat uneventful, Die just crying into Kaoru's lap, clinging to both Kaoru and Kyo as some sort of life line that he desperately needed right then. Once they'd arrived back at the house, Die struggled to get himself upright, climbing out of the car and tottering off toward the house, managing to get the door unlocked and get into the foyer before he pretty much collapsed against the wall, sliding down in a big, wet puddle. Makoto came barking towards him, sniffing around and licking at Die's wet arms, knowing something was wrong. Kyo and Fea stood just inside the door, dripping wet. Kaoru went off and grabbed them towels, kneeling beside Die and rubbing one over his wet hair.

"Hey... you're freezing, baby, come on. Let me run you a bath, OK?"

He looked up at Fea and Kyo.

"Do you guys want to hop in the shower or something? I'll crank the heat up in here."

Die put his arms around Mako and just clung to him, burying his face in the soft fur. He hadn't even realized he was cold until Kaoru brought it up, his body reacting to the news with a shiver that wracked his entire frame. Finally, he looked up at the others, his face instantly going from pained to shocked. He slid to his feet and started fussing with the towels, trying to get Kyo and Fea dry, sort of disregarding himself entirely, like he'd forgotten again that he was wet or cold. All three of them, looked at Die like he was crazy, Kyo taking him by the arms and looking at him very seriously.

"Die. Calm down. Come on..."

He helped Kaoru shuffled Die towards the bathroom, drawing a hot bath. Die blinked at Kyo and sort of tilted his head. If the other were paying any attention all to the goings on in his brain, he would know he had taken an abrupt shift from achingly depressed, pained to his very core, all the way over to not actually identifying what was going on in reality, his brain focusing on one, single task at a time. He was broadcasting intensely that he was lost, floating in a sea of nothing in his mind. Kyo frowned, looking for all the world like a drowned, blond rat, squeezing Die's arms a little more.

"Die..."

He sighed and hugged him, waiting for Kaoru to make sure the water in the bath wasn't too hot, both of them getting Die undressed. Kaoru rubbed at his lover's cold, clammy skin, kissing his cheek and holding his hands.

"Come on, in the bath."

Die just stood there, letting them both move him around and get him undressed. Once he was finally devoid of clothing, he allowed himself to be moved into the bath, sitting down and sort of hunching over, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, leaning his head on them.

"Mmm..." he let out quietly.

Kaoru collected clothes, Kyo and Fea climbing into the shower, shivering. Taking the clothes off to the dryer, Kaoru came back in a robe and slid carefully into the bath with Die, rubbing his arms, not saying anything, just there. When Kaoru came into the bath, Die got up and shifted around, moving to where he could curl up against Kaoru's chest.

Kaoru hummed softly, stroking Die's hair, kissing at it.

After a long moment he asked, a bit dumbly, "Are you OK?"

Die just shook his head, sort of curling in on himself, though still very much against Kaoru. Kaoru frowned deeply, cradling Die to him.

"Oh baby..."

He quieted and just held him, Fea and Kyo talking quietly in the shower, huddled under the warm spray. It took him a good half an hour before he finally reached to unplug the tub, letting it drain and then refilling it with hot water. After a moment, he started to actually wash himself off. Kyo and Fea had long since gotten out of their shower, taking it upon themselves to make tea, wrapped up in bath robes Kaoru had pointed out for them. When Die started washing, he helped, frowning, wishing there was something he could do to get through to Die, to help him. He seemed like he was so completely cut off and... just not Die. He finished up after a few minutes and then got out, moving around to get himself dry and then plodding off to the bedroom, completely naked and getting a pair of sweatpants and a large black sweater, pulling them on. Coming back out, he wandered to the couch in the living room and plopped down, curling up on it, facing the back of the couch, shivering slightly.

Kaoru frowned, following after him, getting dried and dressed himself, watching Kyo sit down with Die, handing him a big mug of tea, rubbing at his back. Both he and Fea were dressed again, their hair still damp, pulled back into sloppy buns. They'd become such a symbiotic pair, not realizing how they did so much so similarly anymore. Fea sat behind Kyo, chin on his lover's shoulder, fingers tugging gently at Die's sweater, a tiny gesture of comfort. It took Die a minute to even register the tea, finally reaching out and taking it, sort of automatically propping himself up enough to take a few sips from it before flopping back over and cradling the scalding hot mug to his chest as if it wasn't that hot. His eyes were glassy, his gaze almost not completely there, and his breathing irregular - the breath of someone on the verge of a panic attack.

Kaoru knelt on the floor and wrapped his arms around Die's waist, cheek resting against his back. He didn't know what to do, looking to Kyo for help, but even the blond was at a loss. Die's hands slowly fisted in the couch cushions, his knuckles turning white. His teeth ground in his mouth, the sound of it filling the small area around him. And still, he didn't blink, not once. Tears welled up and started to pour down his cheeks and it was only then that the proverbial floodgates opened, all of his anguish and pain spilling over once again, a long, thin wail freeing itself from his throat.

Kyo grabbed the mug and put it on the table, all three of the descending on him, hugging and cooing, not sure what else to do, trying desperate to offer some kind of comfort and calm. Die sort of tangled himself in them after a few moments, turning and clutching at them all, whatever he grabbed, he clung to. His mind rushed through thoughts of losing Kaoru, of being by his death bed and watching his lover die.

Inside his head, he could hear the heart beat monitor flat-line and he completely lost it then, identifying Kaoru out of the group and grabbing him, yanking him against him and starting to chant over and over, "Don't die, don't die, don't die, don't die," not even realizing he was saying it out loud.

Kaoru gasped at being yanked into Die's arms, frowning deeply at the chant. He pet through Die's now dark hair, kissing at his ear.

"Baby, you know I can't promise that... I want to be here with you as long as I can, though."

Die's sobs grew louder, his body trying to rock back and forth, despite him mostly lying on the couch. Panic and fear flooded through him in a way that gripped and seized his heart, his eyes rolling back in his head as he gasped desperately for breath. Kaoru let out a sob, feeling helpless, rubbing Die's back as Kyo got down on the floor, holding Die's face in his hands, trying to impose control over him, knowing he had to calm down before he really stopped breathing.

"Die! Come on. Get a fucking hold of yourself!"

Something inside his mind forced Die to look at Kyo. He stared into the other's eyes, his mind sort of flip-flopping around, his breath still huffing out in a strained sort of way. It took him a bit, but he finally calmed slightly, still just staring at Kyo. The calm felt slightly imposed, not actual or self-done. But he went with it anyway, trying to let himself be whatever it was he was supposed to be right then. Once he'd stopped losing himself, he managed a feeble attempt at communicating with Kyo, without saying a word.

_What if he dies... what if I lose him, too?_

Kyo let out a soft moan, feeling Die's pain intensely. He leaned forward and pressed his brow to Die's, hugging him tightly.

_Then you press on. Everything dies. It wouldn't be precious to is if we didn't have to fear for losing it._

Die let out a soft sob, but with Kyo so close, keeping him grounded, he didn't lose it, just simply cried like a normal person.

_I'm so scared..._

Kyo's hands smoothed through Die's hair while he cooed to him softly, hugging him like a baby.

_It's OK to be afraid._

Die's body slowly started to relax, that extra control, the share of the pain, it all helped to ease him a bit. Worn out, he closed his eyes and allowed his body to sag against Kyo's. _You'll be here for me...? No matter what happens?_

Kyo squeezed his eyes shut, shifting up onto the couch and pulling Die against him.

_Of course._

Kaoru felt lost, glad someone knew how to calm Die down, cautiously sitting next to then, Fea perched on the arm of the couch, frowning. For a while, Die just rested there, trying to let his body catch up with his mind.

It was almost half an hour later before he spoke up again, "I know I shouldn't miss her... I shouldn't care. But it still hurts so bad."

Kaoru had moved to rest against Die's back, rubbing his fingers.

"Emotions don't always make sense... I guess maybe you feel like now you'll never get to make up, that any chance of you having a relationship with her again is gone. Maybe that's what you miss?"

Die gave a feeble little shrug, reaching one hand to Kaoru and holding on tight once he'd gotten the other's hand in his own. He stroked at the wedding band, something he didn't even realize he was doing, and sighed softly.

"Can we... can we pretend this is a normal day for a little while?"

Kaoru nodded, nuzzling his shoulder.

"Sure... do you want me to make you something to eat?"

Die gave a tiny nod.

"Do we have miso?" he asked quietly.

Kaoru laughed a little, getting up and nodding.

"Yes, I think I have some in the freezer." He went into the kitchen, Fea following to help, digging out the frozen stash of his mother's miso to heat up, finding some dumplings he'd gotten from the fresh market and heating those up, as well. Kyo was still hugging onto Die, petting his hair. Die curled into Kyo's lap, his fingers stroking over his side ever so slightly. It was more for comfort than anything else, just needing to feel someone solid and alive under his touch. He let out a sort of empty, dry laugh after a few minutes.

"I fucking popped him a good one, didn't I?"

Kyo snorted, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, you got him. I'm pretty sure you broke his nose."

Die looked up at him, his eyes still full of so much pain and sadness, but he managed a tiny little smile.

"You think so?"

Kyo nodded, beeping Die's nose gently.

"Yeah. He got you pretty good, though, too... does it feel OK? I don't think it's broken."

Die sniffed a little and winced slightly.

"Eh... it feels like someone punched me in the face, that's all." He shrugged. "Not the first fist fight I've ever been in. Won't be the last."

Kyo sighed, hugging Die to him again. Some part of Die just honestly wanted to feel life under his hands again. Mostly, it was that and partly, it was that he tended to turn to sex for everything. But whatever the reason, he found himself out of Kyo's lap and into the bedroom, closing the door behind him and leaning against it, his heart beating quickly in his chest. Swallowing slightly, he closed his eyes, attempting to shove down the urges he felt, not finding them at all appropriate right then, and definitely not while he couldn't do a damn thing about them. Instead, he buried his hands in his hair and tugged, letting out a quiet little whine. Kyo closed his eyes, rubbing his face as he watched Die go. Kaoru came out of the kitchen, sighing at the closed door. He walked over to it and knocked quietly, leaning against it.

"Die..."

His back went rigid the moment Kaoru's voice came to him through the wood of the door. Immediately he felt even worse, knowing that Kaoru would assume the worst if he even remotely figured out what was going on. Shifting away from the door, he opened it and then went to plop face-first on the bed, not moving once he was there. Kaoru frowned, following after him and patting his butt lightly, climbing up onto the bed and nuzzling Die's shoulder.

"Baby... come on, the food's almost ready, OK?"

Die grunted a little and then finally shifted his face to the side to speak.

"I want to start seeing a counselor."

Kaoru blinked, then nodded.

"OK... do want to see someone specializing in anything particular?"

Die squeezed his eyes shut and then mumbled, "Sexual disorders," almost under his breath.

Kaoru tried to keep the look off his face, asking quietly, "Like... trans issues, or... sex addiction?"

Die sighed.

"I don't even know anymore. Just..." he threw his arm across his eyes, flopping over onto his back. "There is no reason whatsoever I should want sex right now and yet, I crave it. I just want the physical contact so badly it hurts." He shook his head a little, anger welling up inside him. "There's something wrong with me, Kaoru!"

Kaoru's lip quivered and he gave a tiny nod.

"I'll... I'll find a list of therapists for you."

Getting up, he went to sit in the office, quickly pulling up his laptop. Once Kaoru was gone, Die flopped back over onto his stomach, curling up quietly and thinking to himself about seeing if he could possibly stop taking the T now that he'd officially gotten his license and everything changed. It would only be a temporary solution, but it'd be something at least until he could see someone and have them fix him. Kyo wandered into the office, rubbing Kaoru's shoulders. Kaoru wiped at the tears down his face, making a list of psychologists in the area.

"I don't know what to do for him. I hate feeling like I can't help him. Every time I'm around him, I feel like I'm only making the problem worse."

Kyo sighed, hugging him around the shoulders.

"Don't be hard on yourself. There's a lot of resentment with his family that just got stirred up, on top of already being so stressed out."

Die slowly got up, moving to the bathroom again, pausing at the door and catching only the bit about Kaoru feeling like he was only making the problem worse. He winced a bit and slipped into the bathroom, locking the door behind himself and then quietly going to the medicine cabinet and taking down all of his pills, rather efficiently starting to dump them into the toilet, one bottle at a time. He was determined - now more than ever - to make sure he stopped hurting everyone around him with his bullshit. This solution would do for now, then he'd find a new one off the list, whoever was cheapest and could get him in the fastest.

Kaoru printed off the list and stood up, giving Kyo a much-needed hug before he went back into the kitchen, Fea making everyone their own plate and bowl, setting them at the table. Die finished off with the pill bottles, putting them all back in the cabinet and then flushing the toilet, watching them swirl away into nothingness. He washed his hands and face, blowing his nose gently and then coming back out, wandering to the kitchen and sitting down furthest away from everyone, tugging his bowl and plate closer to himself. It was as if he though proximity might set him off again or something.

"Thank you," he offered quietly, "for everything today. And I'm sorry you all had to see... well... all of that. I promise I won't be that way again. I'm going to solve things."

There was a collective noise of pity from all three of them, Fea frowning and putting his hand on Die's wrist.

"Die, we love you. You went through some really rubbish shit today, you don't have to apologize for having a hard time."

He swallowed a bit and just gave a little nod.

"I've decided I'm seeing a counselor, too. Gonna solve a lot of things all at once. Then things will be right."

He tried to smile, his eyes a little wet with tears again.

"Things will work out."

Fea shut his mouth tightly, nodding and letting go of Die's hand. Kyo mumbled "itadakimas'" and began eating, legs tucked up in the chair. Die ate his meal as well, mostly in silence for the remainder of the night. When the others left and went to bed, Die remained up, doing research on the counselors that Kaoru had found for him. He placed a few phone calls and then finally went to bed.

 

Three days passed before he finally found a counselor within his price range willing to deal with him and he set up an appointment for that very afternoon, going to the office and waiting his turn, his stomach sort of a nervous knot. He was already feeling sort of helpless, lost and not quite himself, the drop off the T making the rough place he was already in quite a lot rougher. Once it was his turn, he went into the office, shaking the small, obnoxiously bright-haired man's hand and then sitting down in the chair opposite to the one the other had chosen. The man - Dr. Keiru - looked over his papers, reading them and making little sounds until he was done and put them aside, narrowing his dark eyes on Die.

"You said on the phone you wanted to talk with someone about how you think you're addicted to sex?"

Die nodded a little, shifting in the seat, feeling embarrassed.

"Yeah..."

"And what exactly makes you feel that way?"

Die huffed out a little sigh.

"How about the fact that I always want it?"

The doctor leveled him with a look, pulling the glasses that had rested on the tip of his nose off and letting them fall, the chain around his neck catching them.

"You're a man, are you not?"

"Uh..." Die shifted, an odd look on his face, "sort of?"

Dr. Keiru moved to peer more closely at Die.

"You are living as a man, is that correct?"

Die nodded.

"Then you are a man."

He sat back, as if this had been solved, the matter dismissed.

"Men like sex."

He waved his hand a bit.

"Statistically men think about it more than women on even an hourly basis. It's only natural, as are the urges that come with it."

He crossed his legs at the knee, flicking his wrist a bit carelessly.

"Did you know... most men masturbate at least once a day, if not two or three times? And that includes men who have a regular partner."

Die's eyes widened and he sat back, looking rather like a fish out of water in the way his lips just opened and then closed.

"You think like a woman still, Die. Not to mean offense by it, but you grew up raised as one. It's hard to rid ourselves of the burdens placed upon us as children. You think to yourself that you were taught whatever it was that you were, and you simply fall back on that, assuming that is right and you are wrong, when that is often not the case." he quieted and leveled those dark eyes on Die again. "What were you taught, Die?"

"I... well..." Die lifted one hand to awkwardly scratch at his head.

"Not a lot, actually. Sex is for marriage. Safe sex practices...that's about it."

"So you were not taught that masturbation is a normal process?"

"We never talked about that." He made a face. "My mother was... odd."

He choked a bit on that and bowed his head, completely missing the way Dr. Keiru looked at him.

"Was... when did she pass on, Die?"

"A few days ago," he whispered out, his voice so quiet, he almost couldn't hear it himself.

"I see." He pushed his glasses back up on his nose and reached for the paper again, moving to write something on it and then settling again.

"Did you have a close relationship with your mother?"

Die shook his head.

"She hated me for what I am."

"But you miss her anyway, don't you?"

Die gave a tiny nod.

"Don't worry, it's natural. She raised you and at some point you did love her. She was your mother, after all. No matter how the relationship ended, there had to be some portion that was fond, dear to you."

He paused, letting it sink in and passing Die the tissue box when he began to weep.

"My advice to you is this. Find the memories you loved of her and hold onto those. She's gone now, and she cannot cause you any more grief or harm from where she's gone. You're grieving, and grief is something we all must go through in order to get to the other side. Feel what you need to, and you'll find your way through it."

He got up and went to get some water from the water cooler in the corner. Coming back with the little paper cone, he handed it to Die and then sat down.

"As for the sex drive... you're taking testosterone, yes?"

Die nodded and then shook his head.

"I... I was, but I threw it out."

Dr. Keiru's lips pursed into a thin line.

"When did you do this?"

"Three days ago."

"Because of your mother's passing or because you honestly felt you needed to?"

Die looked up at him, confusion written all over his face.

"I... what?"

"Had you been thinking of doing so before she passed?"

Die shook his head.

"No... I was... okay... I mean, in the past I'd thrown it out before, but-"

"When did you do that?"

Die's face contorted even more, his brow wrinkling in confusion.

"Um... well, me and Kaoru got into this huge fight and I left..." he trailed off, understanding flickering across his face.

"You throw it out when you're severely upset."

Dr. Keiru sat forward in his chair and leaned his elbows on his knees, watching Die with a curious look on his face.

"You blame yourself a lot, don't you? Find a way to make things your fault when it's not. And then you act out on it... almost... a cry for help."

Instantly Die's cheeks flushed bright red and all he could do was stammer, nothing of real value coming out of his mouth right then.

"I see."

The doctor sat back once more and folded his hands in his lap.

"And this... coming to me because you think you're addicted to sex. You somehow think that you have a problem when you most likely do not, do you not think that maybe this is a cry for help as well?"

Finally Die spoke up, "How do you know I don't have a problem?"

Dr. Keiru gestured at the papers.

"Did you answer all of those questions truthfully?"

Die nodded.

"Of course, if I lied, how would I get the right help?"

"Those papers tell me you do not have a problem, Die. You've had around fifteen partners since you've become sexually active, most of them prior to your actual transitioning stage, which is somewhat typical of people who are unsure of themselves, testing the waters to see what exactly is going on with them in the sexual department. Now you're in a relationship with a man you claim to love very much and sometimes you share partners with another couple."

He met Die's eyes intentionally.

"Lots of people enjoy doing things a bit out of the ordinary, which, again, is not highly surprising given that you are transitioning. People react different ways to that, some adopt interesting patterns in their behavior, some seek sexual satisfaction in unconventional ways. I think choosing to share the bed with someone else - especially while your partner is out of commission for a while - is something that sort of comes with the territory. And you say he is okay with all of this, nothing is behind his back. Is that true as well?"

"I'd never cheat on him!"

Die looked almost offended. Dr. Keiru held up his hand.

"I certainly would hope not. However, it is reasonable of me to check given what you are requesting me to see you for."

He lowered his hand back to his lap once again.

"I cannot reasonably see you as a sex addict. The patters are not there, and you're exhibiting none of the right behavior for it. Most sex addicts would go behind their partner’s backs or not even have a steady partner. They'd get to a point, when unmonitored, of constant sexual encounters, maybe even sexual favors to the point of either prostitution or hiring people to have sex with them to fulfill their needs. Things like having lots of porn aren't indicators at all really... most men have a large quantity of it in some manner. And for another, you say you masturbate maybe every week or so, usually less. If you truly had a problem, you'd be itching to leave the room already to go take care of it, just from this conversation."

Die stared at him in complete shock, feeling lost somewhere in the mess of his mind.

"But..." he just trailed off, shaking his head.

"You exhibit none of the signs. However, I can't recommend you not see me in good consciousness. You obviously have other issues you need to work out with someone on the outside of it all. This self-blame thing, for one."

He moved forward again and pressed his hand to Die's knee.

"I'd like to see you on a weekly basis if that's possible for you to work out. I'd like to be your go-to when you start to feel like something is your fault again or that you're having an issue. Do you feel like that is something you need?"

Die nodded a little and then mumbled out, "Yes. I... I think I'd like that."

The alarm on the desk went off and a soft voice came over the line.

"Dr. Keiru? Your four o'clock is here."

The doctor glanced over.

"Thank you, Tarla."

At the silence from the desk, he looked back over at Die.

"Same time next week?"

Once Die had nodded, Dr. Keiru stood and shook his hand again.

"This one is on me. Now, I want you to go home to your lover and I want you to share some of that wealth of affection with him. I'll call your doctor and get the testosterone

refilled for you. Pick it up on the way home."

Die drooped a little.

"I'll pick up the meds, but I can't share with him... at least not all the way. I think it hurts him to have me all over him and not be able to return it... fully, you know?"

Dr. Keiru reached to touch Die's shoulder, already dialing the phone to call in the prescriptions.

"Andou Daisuke, listen to me on this one. Just trust me. He feels as lost as you do. And he probably feels terrible that he can't share with you something that is a big part of who you are to the fullest extent. But that doesn't mean give up on it entirely. Go home. Kiss him, touch him, ask that he do the same to you. Share with him the emotion of it for the pure sake of the fact it really is _him_ you want. Let him see that."

He paused for a moment and then smiled.

"It'll give him hope, Die. Help him heal on the inside with your affection. You're chalk full of it, I can tell. Just show him."

And a moment later, he was talking to Die's doctor, explaining the situation and having him call in the new prescriptions to the pharmacy.

Almost an hour later, Die had picked up the medication and taken his daily dose of it, picking up a bottle of cheap red wine and a bouquet of lilies for Kaoru. He stepped into the house, a bit unsure of what he was doing, thinking the doctor a bit nuts, but willing to try all the same.

"Kaoru?" he called out, slipping off his flip flops and chewing his lower lip a bit.

Kaoru put down his book and tea, getting up and shuffling to the back door, looking at the flowers and wine, leaning to kiss Die's cheek.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

Die let out a little sound at seeing Kaoru, moving to hand the flowers over to him, leaning in and kissing his cheek gently. Kaoru blushed, taking the flowers with a soft thank you, hugging them to his chest.

"I have a standing appointment each week," he answered softly.

Leaning in and kissing him on the lips, he lingered there for a long moment and then tried real hard to assert himself. Kaoru nodded at what Die was telling him, closing his eyes at the kiss, leaning into it.

"Are you busy tonight, Kaoru?"

Kaoru bit his lip then and had to laugh at the question.

"Well, I was going to play Solitaire for a few hours and then maybe read trashy romance novels. Might even get sick and throw up. I don't know, my schedule is pretty full..."

He laughed at his own bad joke, shaking his head.

"No, silly, of course not."

He tilted his head, looking up at Die with a soft smile.

"Why?"

Die made a face.

"Let's do without the sick part, yeah?"

He ran his fingers over Kaoru's cheek and then put his arm around him, leading him toward the kitchen.

"I'm having a day with you now."

He smiled softly and moved to get a vase down from the cabinet, filling it with water and retrieving a packet of plant food from the little drawer of random crap they had, putting it in and then reaching to unwrap the flowers, getting the plastic off and turning on the faucet. He cut off the bottoms under the running water and got them right into the water afterward, arranging them nicely in the vase and then handing it back to him. Kaoru gave a dopey smile, watching Die arrange the flowers, taking the vase and looking around, going to set them on the table, fluffing the petals gently.

Die reached to grab two glasses and then corkscrew, moving to get the bottle of wine again. Kaoru came back and watched Die open the bottle of wine, resting his cheeks in his hands.

"OK."

Die produced the card from his pocket and handed it over, smiling softly as he handed over a glass of wine as well, settling with his wine in one hand and Kaoru's hand in the other.

"Read it," he murmured.

Kaoru blinked, a little overwhelmed, but went with it, setting the wine glass down and opening the card.

_I've found myself pulling back lately for fear of hurting you, not wanting to put you in pain. But it's not what I should have been doing. All along, I should have seen, I was only hurting us both. I love you and desperately need to be with you, beside you, loving you and showing you my affections in the ways I do best. Today... today is for us. I love you with all my heart and you're amazing._

He bit his lips and squeezed Die's hand, leaning over and kissing him softly.

"I love you, too, baby. So, so much. More than anything."

Die shifted slightly and turned into the kiss, gently pulling Kaoru closer to him by the back of his neck and kissing him deeper. He remained there for a long moment, just kissing him deeply before he pulled back and took a sip of his wine, looking at Kaoru over the rim of his cup.

Kaoru was panting softly when Die pulled back, a light blush on his sallow cheeks. He grabbed the wine, propping the card up in front of the vase, sipping. He wasn't supposed to have alcohol, but just a little to enjoy with Die wouldn't hurt. Die nudged Kaoru a little and showed him the bottle, the alcohol content displaying as 0.01% and the label proclaiming it to be alcohol free wine.

"I thought of you on this as well," he commented quietly, nuzzling up to him and slipping his arm around his lover's waist.

Kaoru beamed, leaning into Die's shoulder.

"Aaaaw, always looking out for me."

He sipped at it again.

"It's good."

Die nodded a little.

"It's also inexpensive, always a plus."

He grinned a little and took another sip, putting the bottle aside. Moving to nuzzle at Kaoru's neck, he sort of mouthed at it, feeling his pulse flutter under his lips. Kaoru made a little humming sound, almost choking on wine when Die pressed a kiss to his neck. He sighed, tilting his head, missing touches like that. His hand slid up the underside of Die's arm and across his back, rubbing gently. Die put his glass aside, working at his neck real well, licking and sucking on it hard, but not hard enough to do any actual damage other than a bruise. Kaoru took in a shaky breath, letting it back out with a wavering "ooooooooh", touching Die's hair and back, chewing at his lip.

"Nn, baby..."

It felt good to be loved on again. Kaoru sighed, hands wandering over Die's back and tugging gently at one of his earlobes.

"Mm... even when I feel like shit, you always know how to make me feel special, baby."

Die let out a soft little sound, his hands moving over his body, gently brushing past his nipples and then down his sides. Kaoru wiggled, feeling ticklish and shy and so good all at once. He giggled softly, tugging Die's hair.

"Nnn..."

Die smiled softly.

"We need to like... a set date night maybe? Once a month or something."

Kaoru smiled, nodding, liking that idea.

"Fantastic thinking. Even with all... this shit... I don't want to lose sight of us."

Die nodded. Kaoru reached over and squeezing Die's hand.

"I declare the fourth of every month, date night, then."

Die grinned at him and pressed a kiss to his fingers and then to Kaoru's lips.

Kaoru kissed his fingers back, smiling and nodding.

"It's a deal."

Kaoru rubbed his foot along the inside of Die's calf, winking.

“We should have more dates at home, I think, too. I like making you dinner."

His foot rubbed along Die's leg again. Die flushed a bit and cleared his throat, trying hard not to get turned on by the foot that ran along his leg.

"You know, I'd really like for you to make that mushroom steak thing you made that one time again."

"OK. I think I can do that. Maybe we'll go to the grocery store tomorrow."

He pushed his scarf back over his shoulder as if it were his hair.

"It would be nice to have Fea and Kyo over for dinner sometime, too."

"Like a double date?"

He smiled softly and murmured, "We could make it like a pot-luck. We all cook something for it, make a whole meal and all feel proud."

Kaoru nodded, then laughed.

"Maybe I'll be surprised, but Kyo doesn't really seem like the cooking type."

"Hey, everyone can buy a frozen pie and put it in the oven."

Die chuckled a bit. Kaoru laughed, nodding.

"OK, OK, that's true."

Kaoru smiled.

"You are like a dream come true today, baby. I think I like this new therapist."

Die flushed a bit and then let out a soft hum.

"It really helps to know I'm not like... fucked up. You know?"

Kaoru wrinkled his nose in a soft smile, gently cupping Die's chin, giving him a soft kiss.

"I knew you weren't fucked up, baby."

He blushed a bit and then gave a tiny little nod.

"Well... at least someone knew."

Sitting back, Kaoru flicked his eyes up to Die.

"Well, what now, Mr. Romantic?"

Die stood back and held out his hand to Kaoru.

"Now we go somewhere special."

He wasn't about to say where and he only hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake going there right now. Kaoru took his hand and stood with a little effort, leaning into Die and kissing his cheek.

"OK."

Whatever Die had planned, he was game. He followed out to the car and squeezed his lover's hand. Die led him to the car, opening his door and then leaning in to give him a brief kiss. Going around to his side, he slid into the car, buckled up, and started the engine, just waiting on Kaoru to be ready. Kaoru pursed his lips into the kiss, smiling as Die pulled away and slipping into the car. Clicking his belt, he clapped both hands over his knees.

"Ready!"

Die chuckled at him and pulled out, driving across town over to a little area where they could go down a small embankment and then down to the river-walk area. Pulling into the parking lot, he smiled softly, glancing at Kaoru to see his reaction. Kaoru recognized the area, leaning up over the dashboard to see the water below. He smirked, knowing he'd have to take it slow, but wanting to walk. He unfastened his seat belt and slid out of the car, waiting on Die. Die got out and went around to him, sliding his arm around his waist and slowly walking down toward the water.

"I thought you might enjoy this. But we're not going to go far."

Kaoru shivered at how good Die's arms felt around him, nodding and heading down to the water. He sighed softly, the air still cold, February almost starting, but he'd always liked the cold weather. Once they were down at the water, he stopped there, listening to the water rush downstream. His lips pulled up in a smile and he leaned to kiss the other's cheek.

Kaoru closed his eyes, leaning into Die's presence. He reached up subconsciously and touched the ring on its chain around his neck, not realizing how sickly-sweet in love he seemed, and was. It was the happiest he'd been in months, the most normal feeling, the most at ease. At the back of his mind, he wondered if he'd catch a cold being out here without a proper jacket, but huddling into Die's warmth and feeling loved and at peace was worth it. They stood there for a long few minutes before Die finally rubbed his arm over Kaoru's arm, feeling that it was sort of cold.

"We should go back to the car. I have another place we can go for a little while," he murmured softly.

Nodding, Kaoru followed back, having to struggle a little up the hill, trying not to show Die that he was weak now. Getting back to the car, he crawled in, managing to click his seatbelt done with freezing hands. Die turned on the car and the heater, making sure it was pointing at Kaoru and then reached to get a towel from the back seat, putting it over Kaoru's arms.

"It's all I've got, sorry." He gave the other a soft little smile. "I sort of forgot about how cold it was... sorry about that."

Kaoru wrapped the towel up over his shoulders like a blanket across his torso, smiling and shaking his head.

"It's OK. I like it cold out."

"You best not get sick," Die commented softly, pulling out and then heading down the road toward the local make-out spot, a little ridge overlooking the river and beyond that, the next city, aglow off in the distance.

But he didn't tell Kaoru where they were going, wondering if he would pick up on it from the direction they were heading. Kaoru just sat there grinning, feeling taken care of, not really paying attention to where they were going, though he wouldn't have recognized it anyway. He was glad to just sit in the slowly warming car with Die, watching the city at night, his head sneaking out from under the towel and onto Die's knee, squeezing it affectionately.

Die pulled into a spot close to the edge of the ridge, cutting the lights, but not the engine, locking the doors and then just sitting back, reaching to hold Kaoru's hand, a gentle little smirk on his lips as he glanced at the two other cars there, both of them with steamed up windows. Kaoru looked out over the ridge with a soft "ooooh" at the glow of the city in the distance before looking over at the steamed up windows of the other cars. He smirked and turned back to Die, slipping his hand down his lover's arm and splaying his fingers over Die's palm wiggling them in between his lover's digits.

"Pervert," he teased lightly before leaning across the console and giving him a soft kiss.

Die let out a laugh and shook his head.

"Not this time. I just wanted to go somewhere you could be warm with a good view."

He paused for a moment and then blushed a little.

"Though... I mean... if you want to... I'm not against it or anything."

Kaoru laughed a little, pulling away and scooting back against the door, turning a little sideways.

"C'mere, we're both skinny."

Die eyeballed him and then undid his seatbelt, making certain the car was in neutral and the parking break was on before he shifted around, trying to get himself on Kaoru's side of the car. Kaoru pushed the seat back to recline it, scooting around to get comfortable with he and Die lying facing one another. He reached up and slid open the moon roof, looking up at the stars, cuddling close against his lover's chest. Die reached out and ran his hand over Kaoru's cheek, his thumb gently brushing over the other's lips. Swallowing a bit, he smiled at him. Kaoru blushed and a shiver ran through him at the light touches, kissing the pad of Die's thumb and wrapping an arm around his waist.

"I love you, baby. More than anything."

"I love you, too, Kaoru."

In that moment, he let himself stop worrying, let himself think that things could go back the way they'd once been. And for one instant, that light came back to his eyes full-force.

Kaoru sighed dreamily, fitting up against his lover. He nuzzled at his neck gently, planting soft little kisses along the neck of his shirt. Die just shifted to hold Kaoru close, closing his eyes and feeling what the other had to offer him right then, not wanting to miss out on a single thing. His hand wandered up the back of Die's shirt a little, always liking to feel bare skin at the small of Die's back, the other wrapping around strands of Die's now dark hair. He sucked gently at a collarbone, sighing out through his nose against his skin. Die squirmed a little bit closer, his hips fitting against Kaoru's own.

"I like it when you touch me there," he admitted, talking about his lower back.

Kaoru purred, nuzzling on Die more, rubbing a bit harder at the small of his back.

"Mm? Your skin is so soft here, and warm... my hand just fits right here."

Die chuckled softly, rubbing lightly at Kaoru's back, just a gentle top-to-bottom and back again motion, his breathing evening out a bit as he relaxed. Continuing to nuzzle and kiss at Die, Kaoru kept rubbing the small of his back, pressing closer to his lover, scooting up a little and gently fitting their lips together. He didn't really know if it would lead to sex, but he wanted to just kiss him and be close right then. Die let out a quiet little moan, kissing Kaoru back sweetly. He wasn't trying to push it toward sex either, more interested in being with Kaoru in a way the other wanted right then.

He nibbled gently, almost feeling like he was relearning Die's mouth. Not only had they kissed so infrequently in the last few months, it was like the chemotherapy had rearranged his nerve endings. Things felt different, tasted different. His body wasn't the same shape, he didn't have the same posture, everything felt slightly off and new. It took him a few minutes before he finally pulled back from the kiss, peering at him from under hooded lashes, a soft smile on his lips.

"You know... this isn't the view I was talking about," he remarked, looking more amused than anything else.

Kaoru snorted a little, looking up at him and shaking his head.

"I think I might like this one better."

Die actually blushed this time.

"Aww... you're so sweet."

He hummed, nodding and kissing Die's chin, settling once again against his chest, content just to be close. Die just lay there for a long while, still rubbing the other's back,

biting his lower lip a bit.

"We definitely are going to have to do this more often."

A happy purr was the only response from Kaoru, turning his head slightly to look up at the stars through the moon roof. His nose was buried nearly in Die's armpit, taking in his smell, safer and more at peace here than anywhere he could think of at present. Nothing else really wanted to come to mind, anyway. He was here fully, letting nothing but this moment happen. Die lay there beside him, a soft look on his face. After a while, he shifted closer, one leg slipping over Kaoru's as he moved himself to hover over Kaoru's body.

"What would you do if I just took you right here, right now?"

Kaoru blinked big, wide eyes, feigning innocence as he pressed his hands against Die's chest, docile beneath him.

"Well I guess I couldn't do anything to defend myself, could I?" he asked, his voice breathy in mocking distress, though a slight smirk tugged at his mouth.

Die chuckled softly and shook his head a bit.

"Nnn... yes, I suppose you couldn't stop me, could you?"

He smirked and then dipped his head down, catching Kaoru's lips, gently kissing him. Kaoru let out a soft growl and slipped his hands into Die's back pockets, kissing him back.

"Mm, I'd be completely helpless," he whispered before nipping Die's lip and kissing him again.

"Utterly," Die whispered out in between kisses, "and entirely."

His mouth sealed over the other's, tongue sliding in to explore. Shivering, Kaoru opened his mouth and let Die's tongue prod where it wanted, tugging him a little closer. Shivering a bit, Die ended the kiss with a gentle peck on the lips. Kissing his cheek, he smirked down at him.

"But I won't wear you out, now."

Kaoru chuckled, rubbing their noses together.

"Mmm, you'll have to take advantage of me some other time."

Die gave him a cheeky little look. He knew he wouldn't be doing a lot of that, not wanting to wear Kaoru down too badly. But at least he knew the other didn't mind if he got to the point of desperately craving the attention again. Kissing his cheek, he grinned a bit.

"Yeah, definitely."

Rolling back off him, he smirked a bit and then got himself back on his side of the car.

"Should get home. It's awful late. Mako probably needs out by now."

Kaoru pulled his seat back up to a sitting position, nodding.

"Mm, right."

He reached to rest his hand on Die's knees, sitting back with a little relaxed sigh.

"This should certainly become a regular thing, though."

Die just hoped his lover wasn't disappointed with him. But he truly didn't want to wear Kaoru down and make him feel worse than he already did on a daily basis. He backed out and then drove back off toward the house.

Kaoru, of course, was far from disappointed, rubbing Die's knee as his lover drove back towards home, watching the city pass by. He had little butterflies in his stomach, ones that hadn't been there since they'd first started dating. Time seemed to fly by, both of them arriving at the house before long at all. He pulled in to his usual spot and cut the engine, leaning to kiss Kaoru gently on the lips before sliding out of the car and coming around to open his door, offering a hand to him to help him out.

Kaoru took the hand, putting an arm around Die's waist as they went back into the house. He flipped on the kitchen light and knelt down to pat Makoto's head before letting him run out into the yard to tinkle. Die watched the pup run off, clearing his throat and then heading off to the bathroom for a tinkle of his own.

Kaoru left the door cracked so that Makoto could push it open on his own, closing it after he came back inside and locking it. He hung his coat up and kicked off his shoes, stretching before going into the bedroom and turning up the heater a little, changing into pajamas. Die padded out after a few minutes and smiled softly at Kaoru, reaching to goose his behind.

"Hey there, hottie. Are we ready for bed?"

Kaoru jumped in the air at the goosing, turning around and swatting at Die, laughing. "Bastard."

He goosed Die back and then nodded, still smiling a little.

"Yeah, I think it's about bed time."

Die just chuckled and nodded, going off to his closet to strip down and pull on a pair of boxer briefs, putting his packer back in and then heading toward the laundry room with his huge armful of wash.

"Need anything urgently put in?"

Kaoru looked at this hamper, only half-full and mostly with sweats.

"Naw, I'll do a load tomorrow."

He crawled up into bed, sitting up and pulling open his book.

"Alrighty,"

Die headed off to the laundry room, quickly going about putting a load in and then coming back to the bedroom a few minutes later, putting down a bottle of water next to Kaoru's side, along with his trash can with a new vanilla scented bag in it. Then he crawled into bed and curled up on his side, letting out a soft sigh.

Kaoru scoot closer to Die once his lover was in the bed, leaning his head on Die's shoulder, still absorbed in his book. He had become an even more voracious reader with all the time he'd been given to kill, staying sick at home. It didn't take Die long for his entire body to just go lax, falling into a slightly fitful sleep, making tiny noises every once in a while, twitching.

Kaoru stayed up only a while longer, finally putting his book down and flipping off the lamp, curling against Die's back and hugging him close, hoping his presence might ease his lover's sleep.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: hamhamheaven  
> Thanks be to hamhamheaven for also fixing some plot holes that were left from this time period over the next few chapters. Additional writing credit to hamhamheaven.

Die shifted slightly on his feet, his eyes sort of bleary, glassy if truth be told. The haze of the seedy bar made it difficult to see or even breathe. He wiped his hands off on the bar towel, a quiet sigh leaving his lips as he moved off to get the next patron a drink. Some days he honestly hated being here. His old job had been so much better, allowing him to work only the days he was used to. This one required him to work six days a week, each night from four pm until close, which was usually around two in the morning. And worse, it was all for damn near minimum wage and most of his tips went to the bar, not him.

It was getting harder and harder for him to get enough sleep and take care of Kaoru at the same time. But he was toughing it out, not once complaining, just plodding through life step-by-step. The part that truly made it the hardest for him was that Kaoru had gone into surgery last night. Once the final round of chemotherapy was over, Kaoru had gone for another round of tests. The scans had shown that the tumor had shrunk, and his oncologist strongly urged Kaoru to submit to surgery to remove it. After many sleepless nights and a lot of soul-searching, he had concluded that the prospect of a single surgery was far less daunting than another round of chemo, and he’d agreed. However, with it being Valentine's Day, Die hadn't been able to get two days off in a row, his boss telling him to tough it out and that just because 'that guy he lived with' was in surgery, it shouldn't affect his job. In that moment, Die had almost quit, but the fact that he knew he needed the money to pay for Kaoru's surgery and care had stopped him from saying anything.

Rather, he'd taken a quiet moment in the bathroom to cry and then come back out, his makeup fixed and a huge fake smile on his face for the customers. It was around two in the morning and he was pretty much dead on his feet by then, not having slept at all the night prior due to the surgery, and he honestly felt like utter shit. His chest hurt in a manner he normally would have associated with something bad coming. But right then, he simply blamed it on having been up so long and the stress of the day, pushing the nagging thoughts away.

Sachiko was getting dressed while she rang Die's phone off the hook, set on her dresser on speaker phone. Nick was rushing around after her, trying to get something out of her that wasn't rushed Japanese and a repeated refrain of "fuck". Her mind was on one track--call Die, get dressed, go down to the hospital and pick up her parents on the way. Maybe once Die finally answered his phone, she would finally tell her husband why she had bolted out of bed in the middle of the night and was now tearing through the house to get her things together to leave.

Die felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, but he ignored it for a good three times while he got four rounds of drinks out to the various tables. Once that was done, a good pint of beer spilled down his front, staining his good clothing, he finally pulled his phone out of his pocket, wiping his hand off on the Heineken towel on the bar. He took an order as he put his phone to his ear, moving to fill a pint with Sam Adams from the tap.

"Hello?"

Sachiko dove towards the dresser, jacket half-way on.

"Die!"

She picked up the phone and pressed it to her ear, taking it off speaker.

"Die, Kaoru's blood pressure dropped about thirty minutes ago. His temperature's going up and they think he might have an infection or something, I don't know, I just know whatever's happening isn't supposed to be happening. I'm about to leave the house right now and I'll try and wake Mom and Dad to bring them down, too, OK?"

Her voice was rushed and breathless, panic and honest windedness from running around trying to be ready to leave making a sweat form under her bangs. The moment he heard the first set of words out of Sachiko's mouth, he lost all focus on the world around him, the glass slipping from his fingers and shattering on the floor, coating his pants and shoes in beer as well. Almost instantly, his boss was descending on him, screaming obscenities. But Die didn't even flinch.

"I'll be there," he said into the phone before he took off his money pouch, tossed it on the back bar away from the customers and took his tip jar, shoving the contents into his jeans pocket.

And in one smooth movement, he turned right around and decked his boss.

"Take this fucking job and shove it up your fucking asshole, you prick!"

He stood over him, shaking with all the emotions he felt right then, tears spilling over his kohl-rimmed eyes.

"And he's not just that person I live with. He's my fiancé, and he's dying, so you can just go straight to hell."

Stepping over him, he walked out of the bar to a relatively stunned silence from the crowd. One woman tugged his sleeve and then pressed something into his hand.

"May God be on your side," she informed him before letting him go.

Once he was at his car, slipping inside, he went to put whatever it was on the seat, seeing quite clearly a $100 bill and a few singles. Tears in his eyes, he dialed Kyo's number, already pulling out of the parking lot.

Kyo answered on the first ring. He was still drowsy and a bit disoriented, having been pulled out of sleep by odd things: sticky films over dreams and words and colors that seemed dampened. He blinked his eyes and rubbed at them, smoking his cigarette, sitting on the little balcony at his and Fea's bedroom, but as soon as the phone rang, he knew it would hold answers. He didn't have to even look at the screen to know it was Die.

"What happened?"

Die's voice sounded strained, his tears obvious.

"Kaoru. His blood pressure dropped, temp up... something about possible infection."

He let out something of a wail, completely ignoring a stop sign in the process, just lucky no one was there.

"In his brain, Kyo!"

He hardly even realized he was going at least twenty over the speed limit, not really doing well at all with driving in his lane or anything else. Kyo was up in a hurry, nearly knocking over the small table on the balcony.

"Don't kill yourself on the way to the hospital. I'll get a cab and meet you there as soon as I can."

He hung up without anything more, rushing inside to get dressed and brush his teeth quickly, crawling over Fea and kissing him half-awake to let him know he had to leave and that he'd call as soon as he knew anything solid about Kaoru, getting a goodbye hug and kiss before he left the house, locking it behind himself, and started walking towards the main road, calling every cab company he knew to try and find one near him that could pick him up as soon as possible. Die just dropped the phone in his seat between his legs, both hands on the steering wheel again, his eyes on the road, something in his mind telling him to focus on it more than he had been. It wasn't but a moment later that a cop pulled off a side street and in behind him. Immediately Die slowed down, putting on his blinker and making a turn he didn't need to, not wanting to have a cop on his ass. Three streets down, he turned back toward his destination, dread settling in as he made his way toward the hospital. The cop thankfully didn't follow him and he slowed himself to five over the speed limit, realizing he'd actually had a few earlier and if he got pulled over, he'd have a huge issue.

Kyo got halfway out of the neighborhood before a cab was sent his way. He thought better of meeting them on the main road, however, and gave them the address to Kaoru and Die's house, doubling back and using his key to get in, putting Makoto out with some water and food in his pen and grabbing fresh clothes and flip flops for Die, shoving them in a plastic grocery bag. When the cab showed up, he asked to be taken to the Riverdell Hospital, leaning back in the seat and trying to steel his nerves already, always hating such places. Die finally arrived in the parking lot, sitting in the car for a moment, trying to mop up the tears and blow his nose. His makeup was still horribly smeared, but he couldn't do much about it. Getting out of the car, he stuffed his phone in his pocket and made a mad dash for the building, almost skidding into the front desk and signing the roster before dashing to the elevators and going up one floor to ICU, assuming that's where Kaoru would be now.

A nurse eyed him when he arrived, about to put on her hard-face to tell him to please go back into the waiting area downstairs before she assumed for the better that he was here to see Kaoru. She sighed and looked him over, smelling booze on him, but waved him towards Kaoru's room. The lights were low and he was hooked up to IVs and machines monitoring his vitals, pale and limp with two black eyes just like the last surgery.

"He's been out cold. He seems... kind of stable right now, but... it's looking iffy. I think the company might do him some good."

Die pretty much threw himself into the chair next to Kaoru, immediately grasping his hand and holding it against his heart. Tears welled up and started to pour down his cheeks.

"What happened," he choked out, looking utterly panicked.

The nurse bit her lip, looking at Kaoru's chart.

"Surgery is difficult on the body, and he was already weak. He was fine for the first several hours after the tumor was successfully removed, but his vitals have just been dropping since then."

Die tried to swallow back his tears long enough to talk to her, but was completely unsuccessful with it. Instead, he just put his head down on Kaoru's hand on the bed, allowing himself to just break down, his body shaking slightly. Kaoru didn't stir, asleep or unconscious, it was hard to tell. A soft electronic beep kept measure with his slow heart beat for a full twenty minutes before the door opened--the nurse had left Die alone, thinking it best--and Kyo slipped inside, his hair in a messy bun, mismatched clothes shoved on. He had a big bottle of water in one hand and a bag full of McDonald's in the other, putting them both on the table beside Kaoru before kneeling down and rubbing Die's back.

"Hey... I'm here... maybe you should think about getting some rest?"

He pointed to the couch in the corner, just knowing like he knew so much else that Die was exhausted, that if he didn't sleep now while it was only iffy, he wouldn't sleep at all. Die didn't even look up until Kyo actually touched his back. He let out a soft little whimper, kissing Kaoru's hand and then sitting up, sniffing a bit. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and then sighed, getting up and glancing at the McDonald's bag. It smelled good, but he didn't say anything, just hugging Kyo a bit and then going around him to the bathroom. He still stunk to high heaven and he honestly felt like utter crap. Slinking into the bathroom, he pulled his pants down, put his packer aside on the sink and plopped on the toilet, not caring right then about being proper.

Kyo carefully opened the door of the bathroom and set Die's bag of clothes on the floor just inside before he pulled up a chair on the other side of Kaoru and sighed, leaning on his elbows over his friend, wishing he had any idea what was happening beyond what the beeps and meters and numbers and Kaoru's pale, still body already told him.

Die glanced up, his face a twisted mess of emotional agony. When he saw the clothing, he felt at least somewhat less like shit. He glanced at the shower beside him and chewed his lip for all of a second before he just went for it, turning it on and stripping down. He flushed the toilet and got in the shower, taking the fastest shower he'd ever taken, using some of the hand soap to wash off with. He used paper towels to dry off with and then put his new clothing on, putting the new clothing on and stuffing the old into the bag. Coming out, he put his shoes in the corner to dry out, having given them a once-over with a wet paper towel at least.

He glanced at Kyo and then came over, hugging him for a moment, whispering out, "Thank you."

Kyo squeezed Die's arms around himself and gave a tired smile, nodding.

"Feel a little better? The food's for you, too."

Die nodded a little bit.

"Thank you... and thank you for knowing I needed the clothing. I think they thought I was drunk."

He sighed as he pulled back and went to investigate the bag, pulling out a Big Mac and fries and immediately just starting to dig in. He didn't even hesitate, pretty much cramming it in his mouth and making sounds around it that were pleased. At least he could have food that was bad for him right then, if nothing else. Kyo nodded, rubbing Kaoru's tattoos with the pads of his fingers, tracing the edge of the samurai's hakama, frozen in a stance of alertness on Kaoru's flesh. He sighed a little, curling his feet up into the chair. It took Die under five minutes to get the food down. He took a few swigs from the bottle of water and then surprisingly didn't argue with Kyo's earlier sentiment of resting. He went to the couch, pretty much fell on it and was asleep within the next few minutes, snoring softly, something he didn't normally do.

Kyo napped a bit with his head resting on the bed, waking just before 5AM, when Sachiko and her parents quietly slipped into the room with a nurse. Miyuki went to Kaoru's side immediately, stroking his face and gritting her teeth hard, Sachiko and Tadashi both giving Kyo little hugs around the shoulders to try and distract themselves from Kaoru lying so still in the bed. Kyo rubbed his eyes and chatted with them a little, filling them in as best he could--he'd read over Kaoru's chart three times--before giving up his seat to Sachiko and going over to gently shake Die awake, at least wanting to let him know that the others were there, whether he wanted to sleep longer or not. Die snorted out of his sleep, instantly grabbing at whoever was in front of him, his unfocused eyes flitting around.

"What? What is it? Is he okay?"

Kyo rubbed at Die's arms, trying to calm him.

"Hey, hey..." He spoke in a soft, near whispering tones. "Kaoru's family just got here. I just wanted to let you know, OK? Go back to sleep if you need to."

His face creased in worry and he tugged at Die's hair just a little in a gesture of affection. Die just looked relieved, though he didn't let go of Kyo's shirt. Rather he tugged him down closer.

"Sit with me," he requested while he struggled to sit up, looking a little less terrible, but still bad.

Kyo nodded, settling down beside Die, slumped back against the cushions of the small sofa. He didn't say a word, just sat. Die curled up to his side, still holding the front of his shirt, like he didn't even notice he was doing it and peered at the others in the room, letting out a quiet, hoarse, "Hi."

Tadashi was the only one paying attention to anything but Kaoru, turning and looking relieved for a moment, walking over to Die and bending down to hug him.

"How are you doing?" he asked, also quiet.

Die reached for him, finally releasing Kyo's shirt to hug Tadashi back. He just shook his head a little, indicating he wasn't doing well at all. He hugged him tight, tears welling up a bit, though he did his best to swallow them back down. Tadashi squeezed him back, one hand petting over Die's hair.

"It'll be OK..." He didn't sound so sure, trying to soothe himself, maybe. "Everything will be fine."

Die just nodded a bit and pursed his lips a bit. Trying to breathe carefully, he finally let go of him and looked up at him, his face tear-streaked.

"He has to be."

Tadashi swept his thumb across Die's cheek to dry his tears, nodding a little and giving a heavy sigh. He settled on the arm of the sofa and rested his hand on Die's shoulder, silent. There wasn't anything to say, no words to make anything seem better or worse just then. It was best just to wait it out, to try and keep together and not think too horribly. Die scooted closer to Kyo and made room for Tadashi, patting the cushion wordlessly, his eyes flicking over to Kaoru on the bed, his lower lip trembling.

Tadashi sat down, crossing his legs and then his arms over his chest. Sachiko and Miyuki were on either side of Kaoru, talking quietly over him, both holding and stroking at a hand. Down the hall, nurses were changing shift, the fresh meat getting ready for morning rounds. Die reached to either side of him, putting a hand on each of Kyo and

Tadashi's knees, just remaining there, trying to find some stability despite the fact that he knew this was hard on everyone. Both of them sat with him quietly for a while before the nurse came in. Tadashi stood and went back over to his son, hugging his wife around the shoulders and watching the nurse check over Kaoru.

"He's still pretty weak, all of his vitals are low, but they're steady from last night, which is good. The doctor should be in around eight, and there's a good chance Kaoru," she butchered his name, "may be waking up soon."

Die got up as well, worry painting his features. He went to lay his hand on Kaoru's cheek, biting his lip while the nurse did as she was supposed to. Once she'd delivered the news, he just nodded and leaned to kiss his baby on the cheek, moving back to Kyo's side so he wasn't in the way any longer. He sat, not touching anything, his knees up to his chest, his face pale.

The family settled around Kaoru in an awkward silence, starting up conversations and never finishing them past a few exchanges. Kyo put his arm around Die and rubbed his back, trying to offer what little comfort he could muster up. Die sighed softly, closing his eyes and sort of dozing off, unable to help how tired he actually was. Eventually, his head hit his knees and he started snoring softly again. Kyo sighed, carefully laying Die out on the couch, thankful, at least that he would get some rest. Standing, he offered to go get the family some coffee or tea, heading out into the early morning to find a Starbucks or something of the like nearby.

Die didn't even flinch at being moved, out for the count. Almost two hours later he awoke, going immediately to Kaoru's side, kneeling and holding his hand, his eyes on his face.

"Kaoru... If you can hear me, it's Die. I need you, baby. I need you to pull this for me. For _us_. Please."

Sachiko and Miyuki moved to the couch to sit and talk quietly, eyes flicking over to Die, a look of both empathy and perhaps even pity for him. Kaoru's finger twitched minutely against the bed sheet, but he otherwise didn't move at all. Tadashi frowned deeply, rubbing a hand over his son's bare head. It took him a few minutes before he finally quieted down, just resting his forehead against his hand, closing his eyes. He just sat there for a few more minutes and then sighed, looking up, his eyes a little wet.

Kyo returned with teas and coffees and some sausage biscuits from a Hardee's, passing them around to everything, handing some food to Die. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked haggard, but he managed a smile for Die, rubbing his shoulder a little before finding himself a seat on the arm of the couch beside Sachiko to eat. It was glaringly apparent everyone involved was doing their very best to act as natural and normal and put-together as possible, not wanting to assume and think the worst, not wanting to fall apart. Die looked up at Kyo and then sighed softly, getting up and going to him, enfolding him in his arms before going to grab one of the biscuits and a coffee.

With that, he fished out his cigarettes and glanced at Tadashi and Kyo, quietly murmuring, "Smoke?"

Both of them seemed to almost leap on the suggestion, nodding and getting up, heading to the door. Tadashi left his biscuit on the table, and Kyo stuffed the rest of his in his mouth, heading out towards the back exit he'd seen going out to get food, immediately plopping himself down on the curb and lighting up. Tadashi pulled out his pipe and lit it, carefully setting himself down beside Kyo with a groan as his knees popped. Die sat down next to Kyo and put his cigarettes on his lap, opening his biscuit and starting to nibble on it, just silent for a few moments. Once he was halfway through, he finally spoke up quietly.

"I just needed out of there for a minute. Does that make me terrible?"

Kyo shook his head.

"I hate hospitals."

His answer was blunt and without thought but he didn't take it back, leaving it at that. Tadashi pat Die's shoulder.

"It's not terrible. It's hard to deal with. You can only take so much, sometimes you just need a breath to hold it together."

Die rubbed his eyes a bit and took a long drink of his coffee.

"Yeah... and sleep."

He sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair.

"This sucks," he let out bluntly.

Tadashi frowned again, nodding in a small way. Kyo fixed his eyes on the ground and just sort of rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, elbows on his knees. It was clear they both agreed, but it was difficult to voice. He finished off his biscuit and then lit up a cigarette, puffing away on it and sighing softly.

"I just..." he shook his head, "we need to keep our spirits up, as hard as it is."

Kyo nodded, getting up and coming to sit beside Die, putting his arm around him.

"I know. You're right. But it does suck. That's why we'll all here, to help each other stay positive, right?"

Die nodded a bit.

"If we need to help one another... and we need to send Kaoru all the positive we can."

Kyo leaned his head on Die's shoulder, rubbing the small of his back for comfort.

"I'll stay as long as you need me, you know that."

Die nodded again.

"Thank you, Kyo..." he leaned against him a bit and huffed out a puff of smoke.

"I just hope that things don't go downhill."

Nodding, Kyo waited until both of them were done smoking before heading back inside with them. The doctor had arrived in the meantime and given the family the same update as the nurses, really, telling them that the most they could really do at that point was try and keep Kaoru stable and hope for the best. While a nurse was changing his IV, Kaoru briefly woke up, but seemed disoriented and unfocused, losing consciousness again soon after. Die came in and made a beeline for Kaoru's side, gently stroking his cheek while he watched the nurse change the IV. When Kaoru woke, he immediately said his name, following it up with words of love and encouragement.

Miyuki rushed over, as well, clutching a tissue at her mouth and watching with watery eyes as Kaoru surfaced blearily and then sunk back under the exhaustion and drugs. Kyo stood at the foot of the bed, chewing at his thumbnail while Tadashi put a hand around his daughter, who was slowly starting to lose it, trying to get her short bob to cover her flushed and tear-streaked face. Die let out a soft sob the moment Kaoru sort of flopped back and passed out again. He kissed his hand over and over, whispering broken words out to him in rushed Japanese.

The rest of the afternoon passed as tense and uneventful. Kaoru would stir slightly and nurses came to check in on him, but his weak vitals remained the only real sound from him, beeping away on the monitors, slow but there. Miyuki was clearly the worst affected, choked up and shaking, hardly able to eat when Tadashi and Sachiko went out to get everyone an early dinner. Die made a point of going to Miyuki and hugging her tight every hour or so, just doing it wordlessly, touching everyone else on the shoulder as he passed by, going right back to his spot by Kaoru each time. Fearful for his wife, knowing how stress got to her, Tadashi hugged her tight before slipping over to Die, whispering to him.

"Die-san... would it be alright if we stayed at your house tonight? I think it's best we got some rest, maybe we could bring you some clothes or anything you might need?"

When Tadashi asked about staying at the house, Die just nodded. He fished out his key and gave it to him.

"My medication," he murmured softly. "It's the white bottle on the second shelf of the medicine cabinet."

He had managed to get one pill off the nurse earlier, but that was it.

"And I have an emergency bag packed in the hallway closet, just bring that tomorrow, please."

He pressed the key into his palm and smiled softly.

"Don't be afraid to use our bed. We changed the sheets night before last."

He sniffed a bit.

"And let Mako in for the night and out again when you go if you would."

He nodded, hugging Die tightly and getting his wife and daughter together. He looked at Kyo, asking if he'd like a ride home, but the blond just shook his head with a sad smile, staying where he was in the chair at the foot of Kaoru's bed. Die went to the bathroom right as they were getting ready to leave, coming back out a few minutes later and finding Kyo still there. He gave him a soft look and then came over to him, sitting down beside him and sighing softly.

"You know you didn't have to stay... don't exhaust yourself."

Kyo looked up, shaking out his ponytail, pulling the ends over his shoulder and playing with them.

"I'm OK. ...me and Fea have been fighting a lot, anyway, I honestly would rather be here with you than home finding something to bitch about with him."

His hand slipped down over Die's and squeezed.

"You need me. I'm not going anywhere."

Die looked worried, his brows knitting together tightly. He reached to squeeze his leg a bit.

"Are things going sour with him or... just usual lover's spats?"

Kyo shrugged, trying not to make an issue of it.

"It's not sour. I mean, when we make up, we're still us, I still love him. It just sucks, the whole fighting thing. Bitching at each other over dumb shit like dishes and schedules and who has to do the laundry and shit..."

Die gave him a little smile at that, glancing up at Kaoru.

"You get used to it. Things sort of become less arguments and more 'that happened' after a while."

He squeezed the thigh under his hand and finally leaned back in the chair, glad to focus on something else for a minute or two.

"Have you gone on a date in a while? When me and Kaoru get into it,that always seems to take the edge off it... as long as I do it properly."

Kyo smirked a little and then shook his head.

"No, we haven't really spent time together that wasn't just us both happening to be at the house together in a while. He's stressed and busy, I'm stressed and busy, and it just makes us really short with each other."

"Set aside a few minutes and do something small, maybe just dinner from take-out, but put it on the good plates and light a few candles. Add good wine and presto, a date."

He smiled softly at Kyo.

"Make the effort and I can guarantee he'll appreciate it."

Trying to smile, Kyo nodded, patting Die's arm again.

"You should try and sleep. I'll stay up and wake you if he comes around, OK?"

Die pursed his lips a little and then shook his head.

"I've slept since you. You sleep for a while and then we'll trade."

Kyo sighed, conceding if only because he could feel himself needing the rest or he'd nod off in his chair. Getting up, he kicked off his shoes and went over to the couch, curling up on it facing the back, a skinny little ball on the cushions and asleep quickly. Die just watched him go over, giving a quiet little nod and then sitting back, watching Kaoru for the longest time before finally texting Sita, letting her know about the situation and how Kaoru was fairing right then.

_Kao's in the hospital still. There's been some complications and he's on shaky ground. Room 712 ICU if you want to drop by._

Sita did not reply until an hour later, letting Die know she was out of town but would be returning in the morning and come by as soon as possible and that she sent her love and prayers. The rest of the night continued on uneventfully with the usual rounds of the nurses, until finally, Kyo still asleep on the couch, snoring quietly, Kaoru stirred, opening his eyes and staring blearily at the ceiling. Die had been watching him quietly the entire time. When Kaoru stirred, he instantly moved to hover over him, standing and holding his hand.

"Kaoru?" he questioned softly.

His eyes closed again and his brow furrowed, a soft sound coming out of him. He opened his eyes once more and licked his dry lips, trying to focus on Die. When he finally brought him into hazy view, he smiled somewhat, clearly loopy. Die immediately reached for the little cup of water and the sponge to wet Kaoru's mouth with, offering him the green sponge on the stick.

"Hey, baby... I love you so much."

Kaoru closed his eyes at the dabbing of the liquid, swallowing a few drops that rolled past his lips. He swallowed, feeling his heavy tongue, looking up at Die again. He found he didn't have the strength to speak, but he squeezed Die's hand and tried to smile again.

"You need to pull through this, baby... you can do it. I know you can."

He gave him a little more and then put the cup aside again, dabbing at his mouth and then rubbing at his cheek gently. His smile turned into a frown and he tried to convey that he wanted to, but... everything hurt. He felt so weak. It was hard to hold on when he wasn't sure if it was only to suffer a little longer. His eyes turned back up to Die, seeming tired already, like the short moment of consciousness had sucked all the energy from him again. Die stroked over his cheek a little more and leaned in to give him a kiss.

"Rest, baby... just rest for me, please."

Kaoru's eyes fluttered shut again briefly at the kiss and he looked up at Die one last time, giving a tired smile, before sinking back into the black bliss. Die sighed softly and then shifted back, tears glistening in his eyes. It hurt so bad to know that could really be the last time that he ever talked with Kaoru. But at least he'd said what he wanted, what he needed to, if nothing else.

Around 6AM, Kyo finally rolled over and got off the couch, going wordlessly to the bathroom before coming out and sitting next to Die, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"Is he doing any different?" he asked, voice sleep-roughened.

"He woke up for a minute or so. Just long enough for me to give him some water and tell him I loved him."

His voice sounded rough, making it obvious he'd been crying for a long time. He turned red-rimmed eyes on Kyo and then sighed softly, hugging him.

"I need some sleep. You gonna be okay?"

Kyo nodded, rubbing Die's arm.

"Yeah, I'll watch him."

He took over the chair once Die moved over to take back over the couch, settling in in the still dark morning quiet of the hospital. He wasn't so much asleep as lost in thought nearly two hours later when the door creeped open. He assumed it was a nurse and didn't move, still staring off, lost in his head and just thinking, cut off from his awareness of most of the room around him. It surprised him when tattooed arms looped around him from behind and a warm kiss was pressed to his hair, just above his ear, a small wrapped box in one broad hand and a cupcake with a single candle flickering on it in the other. He jumped a little before leaning back into Fea, letting out a little sigh. He'd completely forgotten that today was his birthday.

Die sort of stirred a little, not sleeping well at all and every once in a while checking to see what was going on with both Kyo and Kaoru. This time when he opened his eyes, he peered over at Kyo, seeing Fea and his eyes flicking to the cupcake. Almost instantly, he felt horrible. With all of this, he'd forgotten completely that it was even near Kyo or Kaoru's birthdays. But he'd managed to forget both. Biting his lip a little, he tried to keep himself off the grid for both Fea and Kyo, not wanting either to feel how bad he felt right then.

Kyo felt tears well up in his eyes, exhausted, more emotionally than anything else, and fragile. He blew out the candle when Fea told him quietly to make a wish, of course wishing for Kaoru to pull through, not even hesitating to wish such a thing. He took the cupcake and present and put them on the table and tugged Fea down to kneel beside his chair, hugging onto him tightly, needing strong arms around him and somewhere safe and familiar to hide his face for a moment. His lover was more than willing to oblige, engulfing the petite blonde in his lean muscled arms and rocking him slightly back and forth.

Die quietly got up, making his way out of the room so as to not disturb their moment. Going outside, he took out his phone and tried to figure out what to do, finally making a few calls and then going to the lobby to borrow the computer and printer put there for family of the ill. He printed off a little card, specifying what all he'd done for Kyo's birthday and all the things he needed to know. He'd planned out a little trip for Fea and Kyo, leaving the ticket booking to them, but getting pre-paid tickets for the airline, and a hotel room voucher for a hotel in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, making sure he had enough for them to get the hot tub suite for three days on it. He also had a romance package set up for them, available for delivery upon their request including a dozen roses, champagne, cheese, and chocolate covered strawberries. The card simply outlined it all, telling that he felt the best gift was one that could be shared with those in one’s life.

And with that, he came back to the room, going straight to Kyo and Fea, kneeling down and pushing Kyo's hair back from his face, smiling softly at him and holding out the card. He didn't say Happy Birthday, knowing now wasn't the time for such things, seeing as how it wasn't happy. But at least he could make another day pleasant for them, if nothing else.

Kyo blinked at Die, confused. He sat and opened the card, he and Fea reading over it together, both looking shocked. Kyo chewed at his lip something awful and Fea finally stood up, going over to Die and putting an arm around him, resting his cheek against Die's hair in a silent thank you.

"How are you holding up?"

Die leaned into the touch and shrugged a little.

"As well as I can really. You?"

Fea put his other arm around Die and gave him a squeeze.

"Same, I guess."

He held onto Die for a minute before letting go and Kyo stood up to give Die back the seat beside Kaoru. The tall Brit handed Kyo a small bag with a change of clothes and a tooth brush and such and he went off to change and freshen up, coming back out as a nurse was coming in to check on Kaoru. She smiled sadly at Die, changing Kaoru's sheets.

"I'm supposed to give him a bath, but would you rather I leave the sponge and water for you to do it?"

Die nodded a bit.

"Yes, please."

He ran his hand over Kaoru's arm.

"I'd like to be as close to him as possible, remind him that I'm here... you know?"

She nodded and rolled in a small cart with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge along with some dry towels. Just as she was about to turn to leave again, Kaoru opened his eyes and took in a deep breath, groaning a little. She blinked and stepped over to his bed, touching his arm.

"Hi there. How are you feeling?"

Kaoru blinked at her, making a frown, then forcing a word up, "shitty."

She tried not to laugh and pat his arm again.

"Is there pain?"

Kaoru seemed to think about it.

"A little."

She nodded again.

"Do you feel dizzy or anything? Do you feel like anything is wrong, or are you just sore, tired...?"

He closed his eyes and furrowed his brow.

"Heavy... hot. Weak."

Die immediately took his hand, holding onto it and waiting on him to speak with the nurse, not wanting to take up his time when he probably needed to talk to her more, just in case he fell back under in just a few minutes. Worry clouded his eyes and he started to jiggle one leg nervously up and down. The nurse spoke in a soft, soothing voice, nodding along to Kaoru.

"OK... your blood pressure dropped pretty severely and right now it seems your body is just having a hard time healing from the surgery. We don't think it's an infection, it's probably just shock, especially because you weren't so hot to start with after all the chemo, OK?"

He nodded, understanding.

"But it's good you're awake and coherent, that makes us happy, that's a good sign, alright? I'll try and get the doctor in and maybe we can get you some food if you stay awake."

She smiled and left quietly, leaving Kaoru to try and weakly pick up his hand, wanting to rub his eyes. Die immediately was over him.

"Kaoru... baby..." he rubbed his cheek a little and tried to look happy, despite the worry etching his features. "Do you need anything? I'm going to be giving you a sponge bath, but did you need anything else first?"

Kaoru shook his head, managing some faded form of a grin.

"A sponge bath... makes me feel more like I'm in an old folks' home."

Die leaned in close and whispered to him, "Or a classy porn."

Kaoru tried to laugh but found out it kind of hurt. He smiled instead, giving a long groan.

"This sucks..." He turned his head and saw the cupcake on the table and his stomach gave a loud growl.

"...it isn't my birthday yet, is it? How long have I been out?"

Die shook his head a little, whispering, "It's Kyo's. His is the day before yours."

As soon as he said that, he started to make sure the water was warm and soapy. He then moved some towels under Kaoru to ensure he wasn't getting the bed wet, just the towels and pulled the divider a bit to shield him from the door before he started to remove the hospital gown.

Kaoru nodded, closing his eyes again.

"I see, I see..."

He opened his eyes again when Die began to undress him, chuckling slightly, "ohohoho" and trying to wag his eyebrows. The drugs had stopped making him feel drowsy and as he woke up he started to feel less like shit, but the pain medications still made him just a tad loopy. Die laughed softly, actually managing to smile a bit.

"Indeed," he murmured back.

Getting the sponge, he shifted the cart closer. Moving to start washing him down, he made soft circles with the sponge, unsure if he was doing it right or not. Kaoru made himself watch so that he wouldn't succumb to closing his eyes and falling asleep at the feel of the warm sponge on his skin, eyes flicking up to Die. After a few minutes, he took a long, slow breath.

"I love you."

Die's eyes flared with pleasure at that, a smile finally fully on his lips.

"I love you, too, Kaoru. I love you so much... and don't you dare leave me, you understand me?"

He paused his motions to study him carefully. Kaoru lifted his hand to rub the inside of Die's wrist.

"I know you love me, baby... I don't want to leave you."

"Promise you won't?" he asked softly, continuing on with the sponge bath, doing an area, then using the clean water and then drying him off so he wouldn't get cold.

Kaoru sighed.

"You know I can't promise, baby. I don't wanna die. I don't want to leave you. But I can't promise."

Die had to bite his lip a little and then finally whispered out, "Lie to me?"

Kaoru frowned deeply, giving another heavy sigh.

"I promise, I will never leave you."

Die leaned down and kissed his cheek, resting his lips there, tears silently rolling down his face. He just couldn't help it. After a minute, he pulled back and continued with his job, his face damp. Kyo stepped back out of the bathroom, tugging Fea out of the room for a cigarette to give Kaoru and Die some privacy. Kaoru stayed silent while Die washed him, finally speaking up when his lover was almost done.

"Is my family here?"

"They are. But they're at the house right now, sleeping. Kyo and I stayed the night."

He paused for a moment.

"Do you want me to call them, baby?"

"No, no." He shook his head a little. "It's fine... part of me doesn't even want them to know. I guess that... Japanese son in me doesn't want to burden them and always be strong."

Die ran his hand over his cheek again and then sighed, moving to do Kaoru's more private areas before anyone came back in.

"They would like to know you're awake, Kaoru. It's improvement."

He sighed a little.

"Fine. I want to see them. I just... wish they didn't have to see me like this."

"Well... not naked," Die managed, trying so hard to crack a joke right then, giving him a half-hearted smile.

"Please not naked."

Kaoru smiled a little again and his stomach growled once more.

"Mm... food would be nice. I think just chewing would make me sleep again, but I'm hungry."

Die nodded and pressed the nurse button before quickly going back to his task, getting Kaoru as clean as he could on the front before helping him on his side and starting to work on his back. Kaoru made a little grunting noise, rolling over. There were bruises on his back just from being handled from the gurney to his bed after surgery, hardly any pressure needed to mark him anymore. He blinked and waited, blushing when the nurse came in while Die was still washing his back. She walked over to Kaoru's front instead and smiled at both of them. Kaoru explained he was hungry and she gave him a cute pout.

"I'll go down to the cafeteria and see if I can get you a plate together. I'll try and find a bunch of soft foods, OK?"

She went off again with a smile, a rather bright and bubbly, perhaps air-headed feel to her, but she was sweet and seemed and genuine. Die didn't mind the nurse much. She was pleasant enough and while he maybe wouldn't trust her if Kaoru started coding or something, he definitely didn't mind her getting him food and being around. She was sweet and sort of made the room a happier place while she was in it. Die finished up and then went to dump the soapy water, then came back for the second pan, pausing and giving Kaoru an odd look.

"How long before the surgery did you not eat?"

Kaoru thought a moment.

"The night before. The chicken I heated up before you went to work, that was my last meal."

Die blinked a bit and then nodded, looking a bit worried and going to put the water down the drain as well. Coming back, he put everything back on the cart, got the towels off the bed and got Kaoru back into the gown. Going back to wash his hands, he then sat down next to Kaoru and bit his lip a bit. Kaoru smacked a little, looking something like a very thin, tired, beaten-up turtle with his hairlessness and haggard, sallow look. He turned his eyes up to Die and made a face.

"I'm going to turn 30 bald and in a hospital bed. Ugh."

"Nope," Die informed him. "You're going to turn 30 once you get out of here. The day after, actually." He gave him a little smirk. "We're changing the date this year. It's official ‘cause I say so."

Remembering to tell Kaoru's parents, he texted Tadashi briefly.

_Kaoru's awake. He's tired still and a bit out of it, but awake. PS we're moving his birthday to the day after he gets out of here. Well... I am anyway._

Kaoru tried to laugh again and then winced.

"OK, OK... new birthday this year."

Die nodded.

"Just this year. Then back to our regularly scheduled program."

He gave him a little smile.

“You still get dessert tomorrow though."

Kaoru's eyes started to drift closed a little and he nodded.

"Cheesecake? Or butterscotch. ...do they make butterscotch cheesecake?"

"Yes, they do."

He smiled a bit and stroked over the back of his hand.

"Good." He gave a tiny, definitive nod. "That's what I want."

Die gave him a little smile and then kissed his hand again, glancing down at his phone as he used one hand to start a search for places in the area that carried cheesecake and would maybe deliver. Kaoru smacked a little, looking around the room, not moving his head much.

"Can I have some more water? My tongue feels like lead..."

Die reached for the little squishy foam on a stick and then stopped, tilting his head a little. He grabbed a cup and poured more water from the pitcher and reached to get the bet to sit Kaoru up a bit.

"Think you can just drink it?"

He gave a tiny nod, trying to sit up on his own to no avail.

"I can try."

"Stay," Die instructed, making the bed sit Kaoru upright.

After a moment, he held the cup out, seeing if Kaoru could hold it or not. Kaoru instead put his hand over Die's and moved the cup to his lips, carefully taking a few sips. He paused a moment then took a few more before resting his head back again. Die smiled softly and put his hand over the other's forehead and then down to his cheek, gently stroking it. He put the cup aside just as his phone began to ring. He pulled it out and made a face, flipping it open and mouthing, "I'll be right back," at Kaoru before slipping out into the hallway.

"What in the hell do you want?" he barked into the phone a moment later.

Kaoru pouted cutely at Die leaving, leaning back into the pillows and staring up at the ceiling. Once Die came back in, he looked rather riled up and slightly pissed off. He huffed as he sat back down, glowering at his hands, his entire aura screaming with the fact that his rare rage was showing through right then. Kaoru turned his head, frowning.

"Baby?"

He knew something was wrong, doped up and recovering from major surgery or not. Die glanced up at him and winced a bit. Sighing softly, he shook his head. There was no easy way to say it, so he just spit it out.

"I quit. They're super pissed at me."

Kaoru closed his eyes, finding the button to lie back down.

"That job was killing you, anyway."

He rubbed his hand over his eyes.

"It was also stupid of me. But they pissed me off..." he sighed.

Kaoru sighed.

"Don't think about it. Not right now. We'll figure it out. My parents will help and if anything happens to me, my insurance will make sure you don’t get kicked out of the house or anything."

Die grit his teeth for a moment and then choked out, "Don't say that," the last part hitting him hard.

Kaoru made a face.

"I'm not being negative. I'm just saying, at least no matter what happens, you'll be OK."

But the truth was Die wouldn't be okay. He sighed softly and reached to kiss the back of his hand gently. Kaoru gave a sleepy frown and stretched his fingers to pet Die's cheek.

"You know I love you, right?"

"I love you, too," he murmured, giving Kaoru a soft little look and then leaning up to press a kiss against his lover's lips.

He settled back and glanced around, wondering why everyone was taking so long. Kaoru looked rather pleased with the little kiss, fiddling with his hospital bracelet before Fea and Kyo came back in, both going to the other side of Kaoru's bed. Kyo reached out and tugged on Kaoru's earlobe, giving him a little smile.

"Good morning, sleepy head."

Fea had his arm around Kyo's shoulders, giving Kaoru a weak smile, a broad hand resting on the other's slim leg under the hospital sheet. Die swallowed a bit and rubbed at his eyes. He could only hope that things got better as quickly as possible. He licked his lips a bit and then got up, slipping out to go find the nurse, wanting to know what was taking so long with the food for Kaoru, impatient as all hell. He nearly ran into her just around the corner. She jumped and stopped in her tracks, looking startled, then laughed it off, carrying a tray with some scrambled eggs, orange juice, biscuits, and oatmeal. Die gasped at the close encounter and then backed up, flushing a bit and just letting her go off toward the room. He trailed behind, looking a bit ashamed of himself for being so impatient, but not saying a word. She swept in and smiled at Kyo and Fea, placing the tray across Kaoru's lap.

"I tried to find some good stuff that was soft enough to not wear you out trying to chew it. The weekend cook makes bacon like leather."

She laughed a little and then left again, flouncing off like a little nursing pixie. Die came in and settled in the chair again, seeing if Kaoru would be able to manage by himself or not. In all honesty, he wanted to go home and take a shower, but he was scared the other would end up passed back out while he was gone and he didn't want to leave Kaoru, especially while he was awake. So, he sat patiently by his bed.

Kaoru looked at the plate and reached for his orange juice, finding he was too weak to even really grip the cup. Fea moved in quickly and sat down beside him, starting to feed him and coo over him rather attentively. It was clear his paternal instinct had given him a knack for care-taking. Die blinked at Fea and then tilted his head a bit, just letting him take care of it. Chewing his lower lip a bit, he glanced at Kyo and then gestured at him a bit, thinking toward him.

_Want to go with me for a few?_

Kyo looked up, giving a little nod, grabbing his cigarettes from the table and heading for the door. Die got up as well, slipping around Fea and leaving the room. He made his way out of the place and into the parking lot, running his hand through his hair.

"I need to seriously go home for a few. We could pick up some food for us at the same time or something. What do you think?"

Kyo blinked a little, then nodded, spotting the rest of Kaoru's family heading from their car at the same time. He waved to them and they head over, looking to Die. Kyo spoke up before Die needed to.

"Kaoru's awake and having some breakfast. We're just going to go back to the house for a bit to change clothes, and I'm going to try and make this one take a decent nap."

Tadashi nodded, cuffing Die on the shoulder affectionately.

"That's a good idea. We'll watch him and call if anything happens."

Die nodded a little and just sort of blinked at them, letting Kyo do all the talking. He gave a one-armed hug to those who were close enough and then trudged on toward the car, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Once he was at the car, he unlocked it and slid inside, opening the passenger side for Kyo as well. He buckled up and started the engine, Kyo's CD automatically starting in the CD player, blaring through the car, something that Die hadn't thought enough about to turn down before he got out.

Kyo reached over and turned himself down, digging out a cigarette and lighting it as he rolled down the window. He didn't speak, waiting for Die to talk, if he was going to talk. He knew that he had a habit of opening his mouth and having shitty things fall out of it, so he thought it best to not start any kind of conversation on his own. He gave Kyo a bit of a sheepish look and then started off toward home. Once he was on the interstate, he looked slightly more relaxed for a bit.

"So... thank you for coming with me. I just didn't want to go alone."

And really, he'd wanted to get Kyo out of the hospital for a bit since it was, after all, his birthday.

"Grab a quick shower for both of us, a change of clothing, and get something to eat, yeah?"

Kyo gave a little nod, flicking his ashes out a crack in the window.

"Sure. I feel... oily."

He made a face, sitting back and putting a hand over his stomach.

"And starving. I didn't realize I was so hungry."

Die offered a tiny smile and then concentrated on getting around a big semi with a load of logs on the back. Once he was clear of it, he held out his hand, "Can I have a little drag?" he asked quietly, not feeling like having a full cigarette, just wanting a hit now that he was smelling it. Kyo handed over the last third of it, nodding.

"You can have the rest. My nerves are shot, anyway."

He took his hair down, pulling it up into a tighter bun, feeling how greasy it was. A shower would be wonderful. Die took it and took the last few drags off of it before flicking it out the window and making his way the last few miles to the house. Pulling up in front of it, he parked, not worrying about going around back, and got out, heading up to see Mako rushing toward the fence, looking panicked. He opened the gate and knelt down, petting him and then heading to go open up the house. Kyo followed in and took off his shoes, petting Makoto's head.

Once inside, Die left his shoes at the door and headed for the bathroom, immediately digging around for his meds, taking out the hormones and downing one with a sip of water from the faucet. He added in a half a Vicodin and stuck his head out to see about Kyo.

"Would you like half of this?"

Die knew the other's head probably hurt about as bad as his did and once it got to that point, it was almost impossible to kick without something big. Kyo blinked at the pill and then shrugged.

"Fuck it, sure."

He walked over and took it, going to the sink to cup water into his mouth to wash it down. Die hande it over without hesitation, downing his own and then heading to get his clothing laid out.

"If you give me your house key, I'll go get you some fresh clothing while you shower, okay?"

Kyo checked his pockets and then growled.

"Shit, I didn't bring it..." He huffed and then snapped his fingers. "Wait! There's a spare under the orchid plant on the porch."

Die nodded and gave Kyo a one-armed hug and then smiled at him softly before he finished laying out his own clothing. After he was done, he headed out, driving over to Kyo's house and going up to Fea and Kyo's bedroom, digging around and getting Kyo a new pair of jeans, a band t-shirt, some new socks and a pair of boxer briefs. He also grabbed what he assumed to be Kyo's toothbrush, comb, and razor from the bathroom, tucking them all into a grocery sack he found in the kitchen. He made fast work of coming back to the house and going right back to the bathroom, knocking on the door.

"I have your stuff, Kyo!" he called out.

Kyo opened the bathroom door, having just stepped out of the shower and dried off, the towel around his hips. He smiled and reached for the bag.

"Thanks."

He dug out the tooth brush--it was Fea's, but it didn't really matter--and started to brush his teeth, then found Die's shaving cream and lathered up his face, avoiding his chin, working on getting a goatee to come in. Die offered a faint smile and then padded back off to the bedroom, ditching his shoes and stripping down to his boxers, coming back out and coming to the bathroom, peering in.

"Will it bother you if I shower while you're in here?"

Kyo shook his head, rinsing his face, his hair in wet, dark gold locks around his shoulders.

"Not if you don't mind if I dry my hair while you shower."

"Works for me," he mumbled softly

Putting his packer on the counter for later washing and then stripped his boxer briefs off, tossing them in the basket in the corner, he slipped into the shower, turning it on and starting to scrub off. Kyo finished up in the bathroom and put on his clothes, going into the kitchen and looking through the fridge, hungry but not sure what to eat. He settled for the time being on some chocolate milk, sitting at the kitchen table, staring out the window while he waited on Die.

Once Kyo had left the room, Die allowed himself to slip to the bathroom floor and close his eyes, the tears falling down his cheeks. Despite Kaoru having woken up, he honestly was having to face the reality that he could seriously lose him. It was taking its toll on him and he sort of felt like his world was slipping out from under him. After a few minutes, he collected himself and got out of the shower, drying off and then slowly starting to blow dry his hair. He put on some light makeup to cover his puffy eyes and then slipped out to go put on his favorite pair of red jeans and one of the many shirts Kaoru had given him for his birthday. He came back out and padded to the kitchen, settling down next to Kyo and reaching over to hold his hand, squeezing it a bit.

"Should we nap a little bit?" he asked quietly.

Kyo jerked himself out of a sleepy reverie, looking up at Die. After a moment, he nodded.

"Yes. Yes, a nap sounds perfect."

Die nodded and stood up again, not letting go of Kyo's hand. Gently, he tugged the other with him toward the bedroom.

"Could use a warm body. It's cold these days."

Kyo gave a weak smile, setting his tea mug on the counter and following after Die.

"It will be nice to just sleep in a bed. It feels like it's been days."

Die nodded a bit as he slipped under the covers.

"It does..." He snuggled down and held up the covers for Kyo to crawl in as well.

Kyo stripped down to his boxers, leaving his clothes on the bench at the foot of the bed. He crawled in and sat up, quickly braiding his hair before sliding down under the covers, wiggling up close to Die. He gave a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, putting an arm loosely around the other's waist. Die watched Kyo strip off and squirmed around a bit, getting his jeans off and pushing them off into the floor, not liking to be all restricted. When Kyo came to bed, he squirmed himself close to him and returned the arm around his waist, closing his eyes.

"Should I set an alarm or something?" he asked softly.

Kyo closed his eyes and hummed.

"Probably a good idea."

Die reached around and fumbled with the alarm, setting it for two hours and then settling down again, scooting in closer and nuzzling his face into Kyo's neck, breathing a soft sigh of relief. Kyo fit his smaller body against Die's, already half asleep, his braid draped across his throat. Die drifted off quickly, his body going limp in Kyo's arms. He snored ever so softly, feeling warm and safe.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entire intro provided by hamhamheaven to make up for the lack thereof in our documents.  
> Beta: hamhamheaven

The two-hour nap ended up being closer to a three-hour nap with the number of times Die hit the snooze button. When they did finally manage to rouse themselves, Kyo shuffled out of the bedroom toward the back door to let Mako out, while Die stumbled into the bathroom to relief his bladder and splash some cool water on his face. More or less awake, he made his way back to the bedroom, shoved a few extra essentials into his overnight bag and made sure all of the lights were off before going out the back door. Kyo was waiting for him, silently smoking a cigarette, having already put Makoto in his pen with fresh bowls of food and water.

Die jerked his chin toward the car, not quite ready to talk just yet, and Kyo nodded, flicking his cigarette butt into the ashtray on the porch and heading toward the passenger side. Wordlessly, they settled in, buckling seat belts as Die backed out of the driveway and onto the street. They’d been on the road about ten minutes when Kyo’s stomach let out an angry growl, demanding to be fed. Die couldn’t help but smile as Kyo covered his belly in embarrassment.

“Food?” he asked.

“Yeah, food.”

Tired of unhealthy fast food, they stopped at the same little Japanese restaurant that Kaoru had introduced Die to after his mastectomy, ordering enough to feed everyone still at the hospital, including some miso for Kaoru. Die pretended not to notice when Kyo snuck his hand into one of the bags and stole a gyoza to nibble on the way. Pulling into the hospital parking lot, Die took the first empty spot he could find. He grabbed his overnight bag from the back seat while Kyo scooped up the bags of food before locking the car and heading toward the non-emergency entrance.

Back into the ICU, Miyuki gave Die a tight hug, and Tadashi patted him on the shoulder. Fea greeted Kyo with a long kiss, pulling his lover down into his lap to free up an extra seat while they ate. Chatting softly so as not to disturb Kaoru’s rest, Sachiko and Miyuki passed out the food and filled the boys in on what little they had missed during their absence: Kaoru finishing his breakfast and Sita stopping in for a short visit.

It was a calm afternoon, Kaoru awakening long enough to have a little miso and give Die a few kisses before drifting back to sleep again. As evening approached, Fea decided to head back home, with a hug promising Die that he’d look in on Makoto on his way. Kyo slipped out into the hall with his lover for a few minutes before returning quietly.

The room fell silent, drowsy. Tadashi sat together with Miyuki on the sofa, his wife’s hand clasped gently in his own, while Sachiko texted Nick. Kyo stared quietly out the window, lost in his own thoughts, and Die sat perched next to the hospital bed watching Kaoru sleep. Suddenly one of the machines attached to Kaoru began beeping in a loud, piercing tone. Immediately, a nurse appeared in the doorway.

“Code blue,” she called out into the hallway. “Get the crash cart!”

None too gently, the family members were shoved out into the hallway to give the hospital staff room to work.

Tadashi squeezed Miyuki's shoulders, Sachiko hugged against them both. Kyo was clutching Die's hand as they all stood in the hall where they had been shuffled out when Kaoru's blood pressure had dropped and he'd gone to code. A tension hung in the air, everything inside the room happening loudly and fast, and yet the hall felt perfectly still, perfectly silent. Kyo held his breath. Things had been looking up and now... suddenly it was like the last day or so of Kaoru being lucid and talking had just been a dream.

Die stood there with tears pouring down his cheeks. They were the perfectly silent type born of sheer terror. His thin frame shook slightly, something he was unable to stop, that funny feeling of his insides shivering filling him to the brim. He swallowed, staring at the door, unblinking, his grip on Kyo's hand possibly harder than was entirely necessary, but it was like an anchor to reality, something to tell him he wasn't imagining this, that he had to deal with it and the very real possibility that Kaoru was in there, actually dying wasn't something his mind was making up out of fear or dread.

Kyo hugged onto Die more, hiding his face in the other's shoulder. Tadashi reached out and pulled them both into a circle of hugs, the five of them huddling in the hallway, praying and waiting. Die wound his arms around Kyo and clutched him close, getting more and more choked up by the minute. He stood there, feeling like the world was dropping out from under him.

Miyuki started muttering something under her breath, playing with a bracelet around her wrist. It didn't take long for Sachiko, Tadashi, and Kyo to quietly take up the prayer, drowning out the mechanical noises from inside the room. Die, on the other hand, didn't know the prayer they were saying and had to remain quiet, feeling like the ass of the bunch for not knowing something that obviously made up so much of his friend's and family's belief system. It only redoubled his tears, though they were still silent and he closed his eyes, feeling like he was going to shake right out of his own body if he didn't watch it. Kyo hugged Die tighter, rubbing his back, repeating the prayer over and over. After a while it died out into tears among all of them, moving down the hall a bit to sit and wait. Die sort of collapsed into a chair and pulled his legs up, sobbing into them. He wanted to be in that room so badly and it was breaking his heart that this could be Kaoru's last moments and he wasn't going to even get to be there with him, by his side, like he'd promised.

Tense minutes passed. No one knew what to do. Finally, nurses and doctors spilled out of the room, a doctor approaching the family, not looking hopeful.

"We... we lost him for a while. He's very weak, but back. It... it isn't likely he'll make it through the night."

Die looked up, hope in his eyes when the doctor approached. But the moment he started talking, Die's heart dropped, his breath sticking in his chest. He shoved off the seat and all but sprinted past the doctor and into the room, rushing to Kaoru's side and dropping to his knees, beside him, sobbing uncontrollably. Kyo sighed, following after while the doctor continued speaking with the rest of Kaoru's family. Stepping into the room, he rested his hands on Die's shoulders, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Die gasped out softly, "I... oh god, Kyo..." it was all he could say, the rest melting into more sobbing, Die just absolutely losing it. He'd thought he'd been preparing himself for this since they'd been told, that he'd be able to deal with it in a more 'professional' manner. But he was severely wrong, his entire mind full of nothing but chaos at the moment, his heart aching as though it were going to come right out of his chest. Kyo trembled, squeezing Die's shoulders more.

"It's OK... it's OK..."

It was all he could say, even though he knew it wasn't alright. He looked into Kaoru's pale face and blubbered, his mind screaming for everything to just be fine. Die just held Kaoru's hand, trembling and unable to go about much of anything but being incredibly upset right then. After a while, the family moved in, gathering around Kaoru, silent. Miyuki clutched her son's hand that was not already in Die's grasp, petting it and kissing his pale face. After a while, Die sort of ran out of tears, though he was still hiccupping and sobbing a bit.

He finally whispered out hoarsely, "The prayer... what was it?"

Kyo leaned forward, whispering in his ear. "It's the daimoku, namu myo ho renge kyo. It's like the Japanese short-hand version of the Lotus mantra. It's a prayer for... rest, really. That if he dies, he goes with peace, that he has no more suffering. Well, in this application, at least."

Die let go of Kaoru's hand long enough to lean over and hug Kyo hard against him.

"Teach me? Slowly?" he asked quietly, wanting to be able to give this to Kaoru at the very least.

Kyo nodded, kneeling beside Die and chanting slowly,

"Nam' Myo Ho Renge Kyo."

Die carefully took Kaoru's hand in his own and then Kyo's in his other, bowing his head and repeating after Kyo, making sure his cadence was the same.

"Nam' Myo Ho Renge Kyo," he murmured softly.

The chanting continued as the family gathered around Kaoru, in different tones from each member, all laying a hand on Kaoru. Die did his best to try to remember each part as they went, hoping he could do it on his own later, given that it was obviously something so full of meaning. He felt a closeness that tugged at his heart and he knew that if this was truly the end, whatever decisions he made would affect all of these people just as much as himself in the future. Sachiko quieted after a while, touching Die's arm.

"I'm going to go get some coffee. Does anyone else want some?"

Die peered up, tears once more pouring down his face.

"Yes please," he murmured, "one sugar and some creamer."

He quieted again, bowing his head, barely able to get that out without breaking down again. She nodded and took orders, sliding out of the room. Die settled back a bit, sort of hanging off the bed, one hand on Kaoru's, but not much else. Kyo pushed a chair up under Die, hugging him again before settling himself beside him. He knew it would be a long night. Die allowed Kyo to help him sit in the chair, never once letting go of Kaoru. He sniffled a bit and glanced at his bag.

"I need my T... can you get it please?"

Kyo blinked, then came back to himself, processing what Die had asked.

"At home? Or is there some here?"

"It's in my bag. The little red metallic vial has a few in it. I just need one."

Kyo went to dig around Die's bag as Sachiko returned with coffee, passing them out. Kyo handed Die his pill and settled back beside him. Die accepted the coffee and the pill, swallowing it down and then sitting with the coffee in one hand and his other on Kaoru's hand. He just kept staring at Kaoru's hand, unable to look at his face, something about the paleness of near-death looming there had him unable to see it for more than a second before sobbing. Fragile conversation trying to be casual started. The rest of them were desperate to remain normalized despite the weak pulse pinged out by the monitors hooked up to Kaoru. Die occasionally contributed, though he mostly remained deathly silent, his face a mask of emotional pain that just wouldn't ease up in the least. Kyo had his hand on Die's shoulder or knee at all times, rubbing affectionately in his own way of trying to keep Die calmed down and grounded. As the hours wore on, Die started to slump lower and lower, his body wearing out from the emotional strain he was putting on himself. But still, his gaze just remained on his lover's hand, his thumb stroking over the skin there absently. Miyuki pulled a blanket out of the small closet in the room and put it over Die's shoulders, hugging him and kissing his hair.

"Sleep... if we lose him, you'll be here with him."

Die scooted closer to the bed, his arms wrapping around Kaoru's arm closest to him. He'd chosen the one without the IV for exactly this reason... well... that and the wedding ring. He tucked his head down against him and closed his eyes. He knew he probably wouldn't actually sleep, but at least it would be something better than pretending he could keep his eyes open any longer.

As he snuggled up, he whispered, "Baby... please... please don't die."

The hours passed slowly. Kyo fell asleep despite himself and the rest of the family curled up together on the couch, sitting and slouched against each other. Through the night, the monitors beeped quietly, slowly, marking out Kaoru's wavering, weak pulse. Die was right, he didn't sleep so much as hover on the edge of it, still hearing everything that happened and able to respond to any question at the drop of a hat should it come to him. He adjusted his position about every hour, occasionally having to sit up and blow his nose and then go right back to holding Kaoru's arm.

The night passed too slowly, eternities in it. Three patients died. A little girl was born. The hospital lived on its own energy and existed like a separate planet. Morning was like a new era, the watery light coming in through the small window. The monitors still slowly pulsed with Kaoru's heart. He had made through the night; he was barely alive, but alive nonetheless. Die chewed his lower lip in his half-sleep so hard that he broke the skin and didn't even realize it, bleeding a bit through the entire night. When he finally sat up, the urge to pee too great to deny anymore, his mouth was slick with blood from his lips, coating it like smeared lipstick.

Kyo stirred awake when Die got up, rubbing his eyes. He looked over Kaoru and straightened out his blanket before getting up and following after Die, waiting outside the bathroom door. Die made quick work of using the restroom, not flushing because he didn't want to disturb people. He washed his face and hands, a bit surprised by the blood and immediately applying Vaseline Intensive Care to his lips, wincing a bit. Kyo knocked softly.

"Hey... you alright?"

Die blinked slightly and then hurriedly finished up, coming to open the door and peer at Kyo.

"Yeah... I just... I think I bit myself all night or something. My lips were covered in blood and look," he pointed at his lip, "it's seriously split."

Kyo frowned, stroking a finger over Die's lip a little.

"You'll be alright... it's not still bleeding."

He slipped past Die, looking at the dark circles under his eyes then reached for the door.

"Gotta pee."

Die ran his hand over Kyo's arm and then vacated the room, his mind not even remotely on anything it usually would have been. It was obvious how stressed out he was by the way his mind wouldn't even wander at such a comment. He went to sit back down, drawing the blanket around him again and sitting there, a dull look in his eyes, as if he'd used up the emotions for the time being. The other three of the family were still leaning on each other, asleep, on the sofa. On the bed, Kaoru was like a pale lump under the sheets, breathing very minimally. Die just went back to resting on Kaoru's arm, petting his hand again, a distant look in his eyes, his mind flitting over the happy moments of their life together. Kyo ended up lingering in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and checking his email from his phone while he had a moment alone. The room was still, silent, making the slightly movement of Kaoru's brow obvious.

Die looked up at his face finally, studying him a little and whispering, "I love you, baby... so much."

Dark eyes flicked open, fluttering, straining to focus on Die. A strained voice worked its way past weakness and a dry throat.

"I love you, too..."

Die instantly fumbled to jam the nurse button, gasping and leaning over to peer at Kaoru.

"Baby, please... please stay with me."

He moved to stand over him, his hand reaching to stroke over his cheek. Kaoru looked up at him, a smile in his tired eyes.

"Die... I'm OK."

Die couldn't help but shake his head a little, his eyes wide and full of fear. He'd heard stories of someone waking up, talking completely normally, and then dying minutes later and he was freaking out right then. He jammed the button harder and harder, biting his lip again.

A nurse bustled in and Kaoru was still just staring at Die. The nurse checked Kaoru's vitals, putting a hand to his head.

"Well. Good morning! We thought you might pass in the night."

Die immediately whispered out, "Is... is he okay? Really?"

The nurse hiked her brows in a sort of shrugging gesture. "Well, he doesn't seem to be showing signs of shock. His blood pressure is still low, but normal. I think he just might be finally pulling through."

He held Kaoru's hand tightly, still looking nervous.

"When are we... 'out of the woods' so to speak?"

The nurse bit her lip.

"Legally? I can't make a statement like that... but I can say it's very encouraging that he's awake and still here right now."

Die gave a little nod.

"Right..." he clutched even more at Kaoru's hand and raised it to his lips to kiss it gently.

Kaoru gave a weak smile, looking around.

"I'm thirsty as fuck."

He looked at the nurse and winced.

"Sorry."

Die immediately moved over to the other side and took the pitcher of water, pouring a glass and then moving over to his lover's side again.

"I'm going to raise the bed a bit," he murmured softly, looking at the nurse to make sure that was okay.

Both Kaoru and the nurse nodded, letting Die push the bed up a bit. Kaoru eyed the glass expectantly, his mouth dry. Die pushed the button, getting Kaoru in the position he was used to giving him water in. Then he moved to gently hold the cup for him, pressing it against his lips and waiting. Kaoru craned his neck slightly, drinking almost half in one go before leaning back again, panting softly.

"Careful, baby... you need to keep that down. Drink too much and you won't," Die warned, reaching to stroke Kaoru's face, a pained look on his own face, fear burning clear in his eyes.

Kaoru gave Die a little look like he was acting like a parent and then smiled again, nodding a little. Die waited for a few minutes, finally moving off to the bathroom to knock for Kyo, wanting at least the other awake person to know Kaoru was conscious.

Kyo stepped out, fixing his braid. His eyes went to the bed before Die could say anything and he visibly felt a shock of relief. He nodded wordlessly and went over to the couch, carefully waking the family. Die smiled at him a bit and went back to the bed, fussing with Kaoru's covers and then settling back down, holding his lover's hand again, absently running his fingers over the other's flesh. Kaoru closed his eyes for a moment, flexing his fingers, wiggling his toes. His family hurried over sleepily, swarming around him, hands stroking his head and cheek and arm. His eyes opened, and he smiled at them, returning the kisses from his mother, assuring her he was in some pain but was feeling fine. Die backed off a bit, allowing the family members in instead. He backed up against the wall at the head of the bed and watched, still feeling incredibly antsy and he wasn't sure how to deal with it exactly. Kyo stood by Die, holding his hand.

_Calm down... I really think he's OK._

He gave Die a sincere look, trying to smile. Die held Kyo's hand tightly, so glad his friend was here to reassure him and to be able to do it without having to actually speak to him out loud. He huffed out a tiny sigh and gave a little nod.

_I know, but... sometimes, I just... all of this is worrying me. He was doing so well and then this. I... I don't know._

Kyo just squeezed Die's hand harder, leaning into his side, watching Miyuki shed tears and fawn over her son. Die bowed his head after a while, unable to watch the scene, his heart aching in his chest. Honestly, he wasn't sure how much more he could endure. He felt like he was going to lose it at any moment. And this time _it_ wasn't just tears and sobbing, it was everything. Sometimes he was so dangerously close to some of his age-old habits, things from teenage years he couldn't help it. And right now, he was closing in on that with a vengeance, though he was trying to hold himself back, build that dam a little stronger, a little thicker.

Kyo felt Die bristling, sensing the tension. He hugged him around the waist and whispered softly, "Do you want to go out for a smoke?"

Die nodded a bit, immediately slipping his arm around Kyo's shoulders and moving out of the room. He took a deep breath as he headed off down the hallway, releasing Kyo after a few steps and realizing he was shaking a bit.

"Hey."

Kyo reached out and took Die's wrist.

"Are you OK?"

Die shook his head slightly.

"Honestly... no, I'm not."

He gritted his teeth together for a moment before he made it to the elevator banks and got in, pressing the ground floor button.

"I'm about to lose it."

Kyo frowned.

"Why? Die... he's awake. He's gonna be OK."

Die almost burst out of the elevators when they arrived on the ground floor. He made his way out the front and immediately fumbled around and got out a cigarette, lighting up and puffing away at it.

"It's the stress. So much of it and I just... I've been running myself ragged for months now. Plus now, no job... nothing to pay the bills with."

He bowed his head.

"You know, they had the nerve to give me a bill the other night already and tell me I needed to pay it before he leaves or they'll kick him out?"

Kyo seized him by the shoulders.

"Die. Don't. I told you already, if you ever need anything, Fea and I will take care of you, OK? Don't think about anything right now but having Kaoru back. How I told you his future was... just blank? Veiled? It feels so much clearer. Please, Die. Just... just don't worry."

Die looked up at him, smoke pouring out of his nose as he studied the other. He pulled him in for a hug, closing his eyes, a few tears cascading down his cheeks.

"The truth?" he asked softly.

Kyo wasn't sure what Die was asking, hugging him and just nodding. Die did his best to believe him, holding him close.

"He'll live now...?" he asked tentatively, trying to get it into his head for sure that Kaoru wasn't going to die on them again.

Kyo hugged on tighter, nodding more.

"Yes. That's what it feels like."

"Good."

Die puffed a bit at his cigarette and then buried his head against Kyo's neck for a long few minutes. When he pulled back, he had to snuff out the cigarette and light up a new one, it having burned most of the way down already. Kyo rubbed Die's arm.

"I can't promise anything, but the darkness is gone. The chance of him living is actually there. Before it was like... there was nothing."

Die nodded a bit.

"Hope... is a brilliant thing," he murmured, one hand moving to absently scratch at the wrist of the other, nails almost digging into the skin there, though he wasn't consciously aware of it.

Kyo frowned and held Die's wrist.

"Stop that," he said softly before letting go and digging out his own cigarette, lighting it with some difficulty when a wind started.

Die startled a bit and looked over at him.

"W-what?" he asked, looking perplexed.

"You were scratching." Kyo frowned again, rubbing Die's arm.

Die looked down at his wrist and the angry red lines there, looking completely embarrassed.

"I... oh," he mumbled, frowning a bit. "I'm sorry... I didn't even realize."

"It's alright..."

He stepped closer to Die and leaned his head on his arm. He sighed a bit.

"Fuck..."

He hoped that having it pointed out so soon would make it stop, though he wasn't so sure. He tucked that hand into his pocket and chewed his lip a little. Kyo didn't press the issue, staying at Die's side as he finished his cigarette. He knew his friend would have enough issues in the coming weeks, he didn't want to bother him with anything else.

Die sighed softly, going through his cigarette as slowly as he could without seeming like an ass. When he was done, he crushed out the butt and dared a glance at his wrist. It wasn't bleeding, which was good, but he'd have to keep it away from any other prying eyes, that was for certain.

He debated telling Kyo the story of his teenage years, sharing with him some of the things that had happened in his life that had led him to doing such things back then, but he thought maybe it'd be better another time, when less was going on with Kaoru. Instead, he just gave him a weak smile and started back toward the hospital.

Kyo followed closely. Die didn't really have to tell him, though most of him didn't really want to know. It was for another time, when Kaoru was better, when things were settled. He would hate to bring it up now and have Die be triggered into old habits in the middle of an already turbulent time. Once they were back in the elevator, Die leaned against it and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I hope to god we're actually out of the woods," he muttered out, knowing he was having a hard time taking anything anymore, much less another event like the last two.

Kyo hugged his arm and pressed his cheek to his shoulder, trying to give silent comfort, all out of words that would help. When the elevator stopped, he led Die down the hall to the room again, where a doctor was checking Kaoru over.

"Well he seems fine," the doctor mumbled, clearly perplexed at what was apparently a sudden turn towards recovery.

Miyuki was petting Kaoru's shoulder compulsively, just pleased things were looking up. Die paused just inside the door, frowning a little and watching. He was mostly anxious and a bit overwhelmed. Honestly, all he wanted was their old life back. Work, cuddles, sex, walks with Mako, and dinner together. No worries, no issues. But he knew that life couldn't always be bliss and he was trying so hard to focus on the part that really actually mattered: Kaoru and that he was alive. That was all. Kyo put a hand on the small of Die's back to try and get him more into the room.

The doctor left with a tight smile to him, and Miyuki continued fawning over Kaoru, clearly exhausted. Tadashi rubbed her shoulders and smiled down at his son who was all but staring blatantly at Die. Die made his way further into the room, a bit worried that Kaoru was staring at him like that. Was he upset that Die had gone out for a minute? Did he think he'd abandoned him? Worry washed over him more than anything else and he made his way to the bed, fidgeting nervously off to the side. Kaoru smiled as Die came closer, looking to his family.

"You look exhausted... why don't you all go have some breakfast or something, OK? Bring me something back?"

His hand found Die's, obviously wanting to keep him there. He cast Kyo a look to let the blond know he could stay if he liked. His family took the bait and kissed his brow, leaving with a promise to return with food. Die took Kaoru's hand and held it, just watching as the other's filed out, chewing nervously on his lower lip. Once they were gone, he still just stood there, looking like an awkward statue. Kaoru gave Die's hand a little tug, smiling oddly at him, like he knew something Die didn't.

"I had a dream last night," he said plainly, almost _feeling_ Kyo's interest hone in on him.

Die tilted his head a bit.

"A dream?" he asked softly, a look of slight confusion on his face.

Kaoru nodded.

"Yeah. A dream that I was in a garden, behind a temple. I could hear the bells. I was watching the leaves fall into a pond and started to feel like I should go out swimming in it. And a monk came and told me I was welcome to go in, but that if I did, I needed to know that I couldn't leave the temple grounds anymore, and that you were waiting."

He tilted his head a little, eyes flicking to Kyo at the foot of the bed, seeming to hold his breath.

"I dipped my toe in... but I didn't want to keep you waiting. So I started walking back, and then I woke up."

Die stared at Kaoru, tears shimmering in his eyes as he listened. By the time Kaoru was done, the tears were streaming down his cheeks and he moved to wrap Kaoru in his arms, doing his best to avoid the various things hooked up to him, his shoulder's shaking from the effort of trying not to just outright sob. Kaoru did his best to put his arms around Die, leaning his head against his lover's.

"Shhhh, shhhh... don't cry."

"We almost lost you," he gasped out, whimpering softly and clinging to Kaoru. "T-thank you for c-coming b-back."

Kaoru cooed and whispered in Die's ear.

"I love you, baby. I told you I wouldn't leave if I had the choice."

Die nodded a bit and then attempted to straighten himself out, mopping at his eyes with the back of his hand, the eyeliner he'd put on to try to cover the hollow look under his eyes smearing around. Kaoru reached up and brushed a tear away.

"Ugh, I still feel like shit, though."

He laughed weakly and tilted his head.

"I just wanna go home."

"Whenever they'll let you go home, I'll take you there," Die murmured softly. "I promise."

Kaoru smiled a little, rubbing Die's hair between his fingers.

"I feel gross," he declared plainly, shifting a little, then stopped, feeling the bedpan beneath him and wrinkling his nose. He hated hospitals.

"I could bathe you again if you'd like," Die offered softly.

Kaoru looked at Kyo but the other was already slipping out of the room. He nodded then at Die, trying to adjust the tape over his IV which was pulling uncomfortably. Die dug around and found the pan and sponge, going to the bathroom to get some soapy, warm water. When he came back with it, he was extremely careful, making sure not to slop around a lot. Kaoru found the button to sit himself up a bit more and waited patiently, trying to enjoy being washed instead of feeling like an infant. Die carefully moved the curtain around them and then started to get Kaoru naked. He removed the bedpan and used some wipes on Kaoru before he started to wash him with the soapy water. Kaoru had to fight back embarrassed tears at being wiped and cleaned, but he kept quiet, knowing it necessary, knowing of anyone, he'd rather Die do it. Die noticed his lover's distress and he frowned, moving to kissing his cheek.

"Shh... it's okay, baby. Remember... you did this stuff for me, too."

Kaoru leaned towards the kiss on his cheek and sniffed, nodding.

"I know... thank you."

He went back to working at cleaning the other, careful to do things in a certain order. Once he was done with the soapy wash, he went to empty the bowl, rinse it and then put clean water in it. He came back with that and diligently began to rinse Kaoru off. Kaoru sighed and then shivered, the warm water feeling good, but leaving him with goosebumps as it dried.

"You okay, baby?" he asked softly, doing his job as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Kaoru gave a tiny nod.

"Just cold."

Die gave a little nod and finished up, going to pour out the water again and then finding a new gown for Kaoru and coming back to get him in it. Kaoru tried to help but his body was still sluggish, his brain a bit fuzzy. He laid back and inched the covers up over himself with a little sigh.

"Thank you."

Once Die was done, he went to wash his hands and came back, leaving the curtains pulled because he just wanted a moment alone. He settled down next to Kaoru and reached to take his hand, fishing out some lotion from his bag and slowly massaging it into Kaoru's hand. Kaoru groaned, closing his eyes.

"Aaanh, that feels good..."

Any touch at all felt good. His body was sore and stiff and Die's sure hands rubbing at his fingers was bliss and comfort.

"I know how dry your hands get when you can't shower right..." he murmured quietly.

After a few minutes, he switched to the other hand. A slow smile crept across Kaoru's face and he watched Die's fingers work.

"I love you so much, Daisuke."

"I love you, too, baby..." he murmured out, pursing his lips and just hoping things were going to continue so he could actually get to say things like that to him for the rest of his life.

Kaoru curled his toes and wiggled them just to get some feeling back into them, wishing he could move around, but knowing he needed to just rest for at least a few days.

"Mmm... need any lotion anywhere else?" he murmured softly.

A gentle smile tugged Kaoru's lips and he shook his head.

"No, I think I'm good, honey."

He squeezed Die's wrist and held his gaze for a long moment before laying his head back, his stomach making a loud groan.

"Are you hungry?" Die asked softly, his head tilted a bit.

He'd much rather Kaoru get the attention he needed as soon as possible if he was. Kaoru laughed a little, nodding.

"Mom said she was bringing me something back. But thank you."

He licked his lips.

"Can I have a kiss?"

Die nodded. He leaned in after a moment and pressed a kiss to his lips, gentle and tender, a tiny sound that could have been a moan slipping from his lips. Kaoru kept his lips closed, knowing his breath reeked, but it was nice just to kiss Die at all. His eyes slipped shut and he sighed through his nose, relaxing. When he pulled back, Die just smiled softly and tilted his head a bit.

"You stay with me this time... you hear me?"

Kaoru feigned being put upon, then smiled.

"Yeah. I hear ya."

"Mmm... you better," Die mumbled, moving to kiss at his cheek gently and then settling back once more.

Kaoru smiled, squeezing Die's hand with what strength he had. His family returned shortly after and Sachiko put a tray of food in front of her brother, kissing his face. Die scooted aside, ready to let Sachiko or someone else in if they wanted, though he refused to relinquish hold of Kaoru's hand, his fingers curled with the other's and a determined look on his face. Kaoru let Die keep a hold of his hand, and no one moved to take Die's place, Sachiko helping Kaoru eat slowly while Tadashi and Miyuki sat at the foot of the bed, talking quietly. Die ended up with both his hands on Kaoru's, gently rubbing and massaging his fingers and hand, his eyes only on that hand, twined with his.

Die's hand in his kept Kaoru patient through the next several days. He hated being in the hospital and moved from room to room. Kyo quietly took over the payment issues and nothing more was said to Die about it; Kaoru was kept until it was alright for him to return home, which he was rather blatantly thrilled about. The entire car-ride, he was jittery, weak but excited and ready to be in his own bed. Die honestly didn't notice anything about the bills. He was so distracted by Kaoru's state that he completely forgot about it, though he'd probably remember at some point later and question it all. But for right then, he was only concerned with Kaoru, though he had to at least partially focus on the road.

Kaoru swung open the door when they reached the house, turning himself and putting both feet on the ground but finding, much to his chagrin, that he could not quite get himself to his feet. He sighed, holding onto either side of the door, and waited for Die. Die came around to get him, slipping one arm around his waist and helping him fully up, the other holding his arm gently. Kaoru kept a tight hold on Die, making it up the stairs and to the couch in the parlor. He looked around the house and sighed.

"Much better."

Die deposited his lover carefully on the couch and then rushed around getting things together, making sure he could find Mako and bring the pup back to sit with Kaoru.

"Is there anything you need, baby?"

Kaoru shook his head.

"Some water. I want to sit up for a while before I move to the bed."

Die hurried off and got Kaoru a proper glass of filtered water with two ice cubes, making sure to scrub down his hands prior to any of it. He came back with it and smiled softly, handing it over to him. Kaoru thanked him and took the glass carefully, petting Makoto's head, which lay in his lap patiently, sensing that his human was no feeling up to excited playing. Kaoru tugged at Die's wrist, frowning at him.

"You, sit. You're going to give yourself a stroke."

Die sat down carefully next to him, blushing a bit.

"I don't plan on it...."

"Good. My parents will be here soon, Mom demands she cook for me before they go home. You just relax, alright? You look about as bad as I do."

He leaned over and kissed Die's shoulder with a sigh.

"Later... maybe after a nap, will you help me take a bath?"

Die nodded a little.

"Definitely. I need to go get a load of laundry started though..." and really, he needed to find a fucking job and fast.

Kaoru laid his head on Die's shoulder more pressingly.

"In a minute. Just sit with me."

Die forced himself to relax back on the couch and stay there, knowing he was rather like a chicken with his head cut off, but uncertain how to actually go about calming himself down any. With how Kaoru had gone from okay to horrible to semi-okay, he wasn't too sure about calming down. Makoto wagged his tail, whacking it against Die's leg, and Kaoru did nothing but sit and enjoy being home finishing his glass of water. After about half an hour, his parents arrived, letting themselves in with arms full of groceries. His mother kissed them both and started helping herself to pans, taking food out of bags and putting Tadashi to work cutting green onions. Die was mostly asleep by the time that Kaoru's parents showed up and he jerked awake at the sound of the door closing, coughing to try to cover the motion. Vaguely, he wondered where Kyo had gone off to, assuming maybe he'd gone home from the hospital. He rubbed his eyes and blinked, looking around for a moment.

"Um... laundry... right."

Kaoru let him go this time, forced to stay on the couch by his mother and sit awkwardly facing away from them while she talked to him and cooked. Die rushed to do the laundry and then came back, sitting down next to Kaoru again and leaning ever so gently on him. Kaoru leaned his head back towards Die, his stomach growling at the smell of food. He dug around in his bag, finding his medication, trying to get the tops open. He finally resigned to handing them to Die. Die took the pills and read the labels, pouring out the proper amount into Kaoru's palm and then closing them back up again.

"How are you feeling?"

"OK, I guess, all things considered. My stomach is a little funky and my head hurts, but nothing terrible."

He took the pills with the last swallow of water in his glass and rested back against the couch. Die nodded a bit and slid his arm around his lover's shoulders, holding onto him carefully. Miyuki finished up and let everything simmer, coming and sitting down on the floor, laying her head on Kaoru's knee and then petting Makoto.

"I've made enough for an army so you won’t have to worry about food for a few days."

Kaoru tilted his head, rubbing her long hair.

"Thank you, 'ka-san."

"Thank you," Die mirrored, still looking like he was about to drop over on the couch. "Your cooking is always so good."

Then almost as an afterthought, "How much do I owe you for groceries?"

Miyuki almost looked offended.

"Nothing."

He offered her a weak smile and then reached to clasp her shoulder for a moment in silent thanks for one burden he didn't have to deal with. But a moment later, he remembered the bills and he made a face. Why had the hospital let him go without paying? That made little to no sense. He pulled out his phone and started looking up the hospital phone number. Tadashi sat down beside Die and pushed his hand down.

"Don't worry about it. It's been taken care of. Just relax."

Die looked up, blinking a bit and tilting his head.

"The hospital bills?" he asked softly, looking a bit perplexed.

Tadashi gave him another look, wanting him to just drop it with Kaoru and Miyuki there.

"Don't worry."

He took the hint and quieted down, though he still looked confused. Maybe he'd just call them later and find out. Or maybe Tadashi would call him and let him know once he was alone or something. He wavered a bit in his spot and then hunched back against the couch to prevent himself from swaying all over the place. Miyuki saw him looking dizzy and went to pour him a glass of juice, hoping the sugar would help.

"The food will be ready in a while and then after you eat, we'll go so you two can sleep."

Die accepted the juice, mumbling out a thanks and then taking a few sips of it, realizing it had been a while since he'd bothered to eat. He'd made sure Kaoru was fed and completely neglected to make sure he was.

They ate a quiet meal, everyone too exhausted for much conversation. Once they had finished, Miyuki sent Kaoru off with Tadashi to prepare for bed, while she and Die made quick work of the dishes.

"I could sleep for a week," Die murmured, letting out a soft laugh to show he was joking just after.

Miyuki hugged him, going back to putting away the rest of the food so it would keep.

"Maybe you should."

Not caring her son was now thirty, she went and tucked him in, pulling the covers back for Die.

"We'll put the dog out and lock up. Call us tomorrow, alright?"

Die just sort of plodded after her, not really thinking about much else right then. He pushed his pants off, leaving his boxer briefs and climbed into bed as well.

"Mako can stay in, he's been outside for so long," he murmured softly. "And I will."

Tadashi hugged them and Miyuki kissed their heads like they were boys, turning off the lights and leaving the house quietly to finally return to their own home. Makoto nosed open the door and came to sleep at the end of the bed, curling up with a big doggy sigh. Die pushed his feet under the pup, using him as a foot-warmer and then reached to hold Kaoru's hand, hoping he'd notice if anything went wrong in the night before he closed his eyes.

 

**To Be Continued…**


	81. Chapter 81

Kyo slept for a full day once Kaoru was home, resting up after the stress of it and then giving the other two time to settle back into their home. On the morning of the second day home, he and Fea made a large breakfast and packed it up into picnic baskets, walking over to Die and Kaoru's house, knocking at the front door. Die was already up and mopping the floor by the time the knock came on the front door. He made his way over and then opened the door, surprised to see them there. He smiled softly and murmured, "Watch out, the floor's wet."

He looked somewhat ridiculous, his hair all pulled back and a bandana on his head to keep the bangs out of his face. He was wearing a pair of jeans with holes in the knees and a ratty old Lego t-shirt. They both slipped in and kicked off their shoes, Kyo leaning to pat Makoto.

"We brought breakfast. Is Kaoru awake yet?"

He in fact was, having woken up when Die left the bed, rolling around and decided to read sleepily for a while. He heard the knock at the door and sat up, trying to get out of bed on his own.

"I think he might be," Die replied, putting the mop aside and going toward the bedroom, pushing open the door and peering in. "Oh good, you're up. Kyo and Fea are here and they brought breakfast."

He smiled softly at him. Kaoru shuffled slowly around the bed, smiling.

"Thank god, I'm starving!"

He had been an eating machine since arriving home, smoking when he got nauseous so that he could keep it all down and gain back some strength. Die smiled at him moving around, going to get him a pair of fresh sweats and a baggy t-shirt, putting them over on the bed and then pecking his cheek.

"Holler at me if you need me," he murmured and then started back out the door to the waiting mop.

Kaoru slung both over his shoulder and shuffled into the bathroom, leaning on the wall. Kyo watched him and then carefully picked his steps, going to the kitchen table.

"We, uh, we made a feast. We figured you guys could use some room service for a while."

Die was luckily doing the kitchen area and followed Kyo in there, giving Fea a smile as he passed him. He set about mopping again.

"Much appreciated, trust me."

He waited for a moment and then cleared his throat a little, looking slightly out of sorts for a moment.

"I um... I have a question."

Kyo tip-toed across the kitchen to get plates and silverware.

"Mm?"

Fea was setting out the food.

"The bills from the hospital…" he was quiet for a moment. "They say they've been paid."

He didn't really ask anything so much as hope that he'd get an answer without having to outright ask. Kyo paused, holding the stack of plates.

"I took care of it. Don't worry about it."

His voice was level and clear, leaving no room for argument.

"You're dear to me and Kaoru is dear to you. All that matter is he's getting well now."

Die bit his lip for a moment and then just gave a weak little nod. He owed Kyo so much for so many reasons and honestly, he just had no idea how to repay him. Swallowing a bit, he finished up the area of the kitchen he'd been working on and then went to wash out the mop and clean his hands. Coming back out from the laundry room, he moved to pull Kyo into a hug, still just completely silent.

Kyo hugged him back, whispering softly in his ear, "I have more than enough. You've _been_ through enough. Don't thank me. You can pay me back by just being happy and not having to worry."

Die pulled him closer, holding him tight against him, a few tears escaping that he couldn't really stop. Kyo was one of the few reasons he had on this earth that let him know he might very well be okay in the end of everything. He hugged him tightly and then pressed a kiss to his cheek before he pulled back.

"Thank you... for being here for me, through all of this."

Kyo rubbed his back and let go, helping Fea set out all the food. Kaoru finally came out of the bathroom, having managed to change and use the restroom and brush his teeth. He shuffled towards the kitchen and sagged against Fea in a hug, purring and looking at the food.

"Aaaah, you two are too good to me."

Die let Kyo go when he disengaged from the hug, not wanting things to be awkward. He mopped at his cheeks and went about gathering Kaoru's morning meds and bringing them to him with a glass of water, stopping beside Fea and looping one arm affectionately around his waist, knowing he'd been a bit neglectful of him lately and feeling bad for it. Kaoru thanked him with a little kiss and Fea hugged Die back tightly, kissing the top of his head.

"Feel better now that you're home?"

Die nodded a bit, not sure if the question was for him or Kaoru, but answering anyway. After a few minutes, he moved off to take a seat, Mako coming to curl up next to his feet once he was in a chair, warm little doggy head on his feet. Kaoru sat down and Kyo found juice in the fridge, starting a kettle for tea. Fea served Die and Kaoru a proper English breakfast, helping Kyo pour drinks. Die dug in, making little sounds as he made his way through the breakfast, incredibly hungry since he got home.

"This is amazing," he mumbled around a mouthful of food, heedless of how rude that was.

Fea laughed and sat down with Kyo as he poured Kaoru a cup of tea.

"Thanks. It's pretty hard to fuck up an old standard."

He swallowed and chuckled slightly.

"Yeah, well... with how I've been eating lately, it'd be hard to fuck up much."

He laughed and shrugged a little. Kyo poked Die's stomach, starting to eat.

"I'm going to fatten you up, dammit."

Die eeped a bit and blushed.

"Ah... I see what's going on now."

Kaoru laughed a little, stuffing a sausage into his mouth.

"We're both skinny as hell. We could do with some fattening up."

Die made some sound around a mouthful of food that sounded vaguely like "and how," before he went back to eating. Kyo and Fea ate a bit more sensibly, serving Kaoru and Die seconds and making sure their cups were refilled.

"So how have things been since you got home," Kyo asked either of them, pulling apart a biscuit.

Die shrugged a bit.

"I've been trying to get the house clean and well... apply for jobs again. Not much response on that front so far, but it's only been a day."

Kaoru reached and pat Die's shoulder in a silent gesture that it was alright and things would be fine, going back to his meal. Kyo nodded and sipped at his orange juice.

"If you're feeling up to it, I'm sure there's plenty of jobs I can find for you to carry you over with album art and stuff."

Die perked up. The idea of doing something with art again was highly appealing to him and actually improved his mood quite a bit in a rather short amount of time.

"I'd love that. Working on art again would make me happy."

He ducked his head a little and murmured, "You know... if it's not too much trouble."

Kyo smiled softly.

"Of course it's not too much trouble. And there's still my album, of course. Don't worry. I know plenty of people, and plenty of them are bound to need an artist."

Die's eyes sparkled a bit and he stuffed a sausage in his mouth in a manner he hadn't done in a while, pretending to blow it for a moment before smirking and chomping off a piece of it, chewing, and swallowing.

"I'd love to get back into that instead. I mean... working at the bar was amazing, but I want to do something different again."

Kaoru laid his hand over Die's, squeezing.

"I want to see you making art again. I think it would make us both happy."

Die smiled softly and nodded.

"For sure would make me happy."

Kaoru smile and leaned to kiss Die's cheek, going back to his breakfast. Fea had had his fill and leaned back, hands behind his head.

"It's just nice to see something normal like breakfast with friends... it's been like a different world the last few months, even living on the outer edges of it all."

Die glanced over at Fea and nodded a bit.

"It is nice to find something normal to be doing for a while." He offered a smile. "And great food on top of it."

Kyo laughed, watching Kaoru finally put his fork down.

"Uuuugh, I'm gonna pop!"

Die reached to pat his stomach.

"No exploding."

Kaoru laughed and then groaned with the laugh made his full stomach protest. He reached for the tea and nursed it slowly. Die shifted on his chair for a little bit before he finally just got up and rubbed at his butt.

"Fuck... my ass hurts from all this sitting on hard chairs. I'm moving to the couch if no one has any complaints," he informed with a wince.

Fea and Kyo both laughed in a peculiarly similar way and did not protest, Kaoru getting up and insisting he help put away the rest of the food and clear the plates. Fea kept a close eye on him, letting him dry the plates while he washed. Kyo sat down with Die.

"I've got to go back to Japan for a week or so soon, I'll ask around and hopefully bring back a stack of work for you."

Die settled on the couch and watched everyone else, pretty much on his hip rather than his butt. When Kyo came over, he peered at him and then smiled a little.

"Thank you. You can even email me some of it from there and I can get started before you come back if you do find anything," he murmured softly.

Kyo nodded, arching his back until it popped.

"You look a little less dead. You've finally been able to get some sleep?"

Die nodded.

"I have been. Slept a lot lately, actually."

He glanced around and then pursed his lips a bit.

"Not much else to do other than applications and that gets old fast, you know?"

Kyo smirked.

"You deserve to just lie around on your ass for a while. Enjoy it."

Die huffed out a bit of a laugh, shaking his head.

"Mmm... well, for a bit maybe."

Kyo pat his thigh.

"You need rest just as much as he does."

Die sniffed a bit and then shifted a bit, trying to figure out how to get comfortable. About a hundred things were bothering him about his body and none of them seemed to be getting any better right then. Oh what he would have given for a hot tub right then. Kyo laughed a little, catching his thought.

"Go take a hot bath. I'll talk Fea into giving you a massage when you're done. He's got magic fingers."

Die glanced at Kyo and then tried hard to squish a grin surfacing up. He stood up and moved to half hug Kyo before padding off to the bathroom, running a scalding hot bath and adding in bubble bath, humming to himself. Fea and Kaoru finished the dishes and settled on the couch with Kyo, both of them taking turns coddling Kaoru and enjoying time with him when he wasn't on a death bed. Die settled in the bath, using his little red inflatable pillow for his neck and just relaxing there with the bubble bath, mostly submerged in the water with his eyes closed. He soaked until the water got cool and then pulled the plug, getting out and going to take a quick shower to get himself actually clean.

Padding out of the bathroom, he came out with just a towel tied low on his waist. Kaoru gave him a tired grin and whistled. Kyo laughed at him and pointed at Fea.

"He said he'll give you a rub down. Do you have any body oil?"

Die posed a bit and then sheepishly grinned.

"I've got... several."

He motioned for Fea to follow him, unafraid to show his not-so-secret drawer of sex supplies.

Fea dug through until he found one that seemed more fitted for massage and with a smell he liked, motioning for Die to lay down on the bed.

“You can just put the towel under you to keep the sheets from getting oily. It's not like I haven't seen everything."

Die pulled off the towel and laid it down, crawling down on it and laying there, his arms up to pillow his head on.

"Thank you for doing this... I've been so damn tense lately."

He sighed softly. Tense maybe wasn't the word for it. Or maybe it just wasn't a strong enough word.

"It's no problem."

Fea crawled up on the bed and straddled the back of Die's thighs, pouring oil between his hands, starting by rubbing his thumbs up either side of Die's spine. He was not light, working the muscles with force to get them to release, finding the tightest areas first. Die let out a soft sigh, pleased with the feeling.

"Hnngg," he let out, shivering a bit.

Fea chuckled, working his thumbs up under the edge of Die's shoulder blades, starting at his neck and shoulders.

"Tell me if it hurts."

"Oh... you'll know," he replied quietly, knowing well that he'd end up screeching if it hurt too bad.

Fea nodded, continuing to work, spending nearly half an hour at the top of Die's back, working his arms a little, as well, before moving down. He smoothed his hands over Die's ribs and rubbed hard, pressing down against his spine to make it pop. Die let out a groan that sounded rather like an orgasm sound as his back popped, pure delight of pain going away pouring out in the noise.

Fea smiled, pleased with himself for doing a good job. He poured more oil on his hands and moved to Die's hips and lower back, massaging his ass without any pretense, knowing all too well that tension could be carried in the large muscles. Die gasped at the touch to his ass, pressing his face into the pillow and doing his best to not react any more than that to what was happening. But the truth was, he hadn't done a thing since Kaoru had landed in the hospital and his body was aching for a certain type of touch. He swallowed thickly and did his best to think of things like flowers and what they should plant in the planter next season.

Fea tried not to notice, not wanting to make it too awkward for either of them. It was a strange line to walk, knowing when they could and couldn't have sex, being that they had on occasion switched partners between the four of them, but there had never really been any rules set about the whole thing. After a while, Die gave up, not even really noticing as his ass pushed up in the air a bit into the touch. He pursed his lips a little, feeling himself flushing brightly. Fea gave both ass cheeks a good squeeze before rubbing out Die's back with less pressure, smoothing the oil in and trying to soothe him.

"Better?"

Die sighed softly and then nodded a bit.

"Yeah, much... thank you," he murmured softly. "I feel a lot better actually."

Fea smiled, getting off the bed.

"You might want to take another quick shower to get the oil off. Or you can leave it on. Just drink a ton of water today and tomorrow, because the massage makes the muscles release a ton of toxins, so you have to flush it out."

Die nodded a bit and just sort of laid there for a while, his lips pursed. Once he pushed himself upright, he crossed his legs and ran a hand through his hair, trying to decide what to do.

"Thank you...."

Fea smiled.

"No problem."

He went to wash his hands and sat back down with Kyo, Kaoru getting up to go check on Die.

"Better?"

Die watched Fea leave and silently contemplated doing something about his horniness. He looked up as Kaoru came into the room and nodded. He felt a little awkward, given that he'd been thinking about what he had been.

"Yeah, I do," he offered in a small voice.

Kaoru came and kissed the end of his nose, nodding.

"Good. Do you want to watch a movie with us or something? Kyo's going through my DVDs."

Die closed his eyes and took the contact for what it was. Part of him just wanted to jam his fingers between his legs and take care of business. But the other part felt bad for wanting to do this while Kaoru was still so close to having died. He pushed himself up and padded around, getting his loose black sweat pants that were low on his hips. He pulled them on and went to try to find a tank top.

"Yeah... sure."

Kaoru watched him, feeling like something was off, but assuming it was only that Die was drowsy from the massage. He went back into the living room and plopped down on the couch, watching Kyo dig through his DVD collection. After a few minutes of finding a tank top that covered down over the pants, Die gave up and put one on, leaving a bare expanse of skin. He went to put the oil away, staring into his drawer of stuff longingly, licking his lips a little. Getting up, he headed into the living room. Kaoru scoot over and patted the couch between himself and Kyo, who was debating with Fea on whether to watch a scary movie or a depressing Holocaust film. Die padded over and plopped down, reaching over and grabbing the scary movie and holding it up.

"This," he informed, not ready to cry his eyes out over something depressing so close to Kaoru's brush with death.

Kyo caught the logic behind it and looked disappointed in himself for even considering watching the other film.

"Right."

He got up and put the disc in the player, coming to sit back down, curling up with Fea, then sitting back up and looking at the other two.

"Can I get you anything?"

Die reached to squeeze Kyo's thigh, not having wanted to make him feel bad. He shook his head.

"I'm good, thank you though."

He then thought about it and murmured, "Though I could make popcorn if anyone's interested."

Everyone shook their head and Kaoru tried to pull Die closer to him, wanting to snuggle, missing human touch. Die just snuggled back against the seat and then tried to focus on the movie despite mostly thinking about shoving his hand down his pants and relieving a little bit of tension.

Kaoru put his chin on Die's head and watched the screen, glad to be home and feel a little normal, just sitting around with his friends watching a movie. He was completely oblivious to Die's situation, as he usually was. Halfway through the movie, Die couldn't stand it anymore, his pussy actually making his pants a bit damp in the crotch. One hand slid down over the fabric, finding his piercing and tugging on it lightly through his pants, sort of wondering if anyone would notice.

Kaoru, for once, caught on, smirking a little and leaning down, kissing Die's ear and whispering softly, "Do you need to go to the bathroom, baby?"

Die flushed the moment that Kaoru said something about it, coughing softly and then ducking his head. He honestly still felt bad being aroused when he should still be _only_ freaking out about Kaoru. But another part of him just couldn't even fathom anything but his arousal right then. Releasing the piercing, he bit his lip a little and slowly stood up. Kaoru chuckled softly, glad Fea and Kyo were too involved in the movie to notice anything, patting Die's ass in the direction of the bathroom. After a moment, Die padded off to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the door and stood there feeling awkward for a moment before finally giving up. He pushed some of his stuff aside on the counter and hopped up on it, pushing his pants down and squirming out of them, letting them hang around his ankles.

Biting his lip, he spread his legs enough to see himself in the mirror across from him, fingers sliding down over his piercing and tugging lightly, having to bite back a moan. Kaoru was distracted from the film completely, imagining what Die was doing on the other side of the bathroom door and glad that their guests seemed none the wiser. Die’s fingers dipped down to collect some moisture from the folds of his pussy, dragging his fingers back up to his lady-dick and starting to masturbate it as though it were a tiny dick, moaning softly, unable to actually help it. Kaoru tried not to tip anyone off, not at all mentioning Die's absence, not wanting to prematurely try to explain away why he was gone and seem suspicious, rather amused that he had gone off to rub one out. It didn't even take Die very long to get off, his back arching, head thumping into the mirror behind him, his thighs trembling as he ramped all the way up. He let out a gasp as he started to cum, this orgasm surprisingly dry given his penchant for squirting. He settled back, panting softly as the quakes of it rippled through his body. Kaoru got up to make popcorn and get himself some water, moving slowly, stopping at the bathroom door and knocking quietly.

"You alright?"

Die peered at the door, glad it was Kaoru.

"Yeah," he mumbled, purposely making it sound further away than he was from the door.

He slid off the counter as quietly as possible and used a wet cloth to wipe the counter and then himself, tossing it into the hamper and waddling over to go take a piss. Kaoru popped a bag of popcorn in the microwave and poured himself a glass of water, leaning against the counter, waiting on Die or the popcorn to finish, whichever came first. He finished up, flushed, and washed his hands, coming out and glancing over toward the kitchen and then toward the living room. He padded over toward Kaoru, looking a little flushed. Kaoru caught the edge of his shirt and pulled him into a hug, kissing at his jaw in tiny little pecks.

"Better?" he asked with a little smile.

Die nodded a little, still feeling a bit sheepish still.

"I couldn't help it any longer," he murmured softly.

Kaoru patted his ass gently.

"I wasn't judging."

He smiled a little and grabbed a big bowl, pulling the popcorn out of the microwave by the corners of the bag.

"I know... doesn't change the fact that I feel the need to apologize."

He gave a little smile and reached for a bowl for the popcorn, putting the little plastic container on the counter. Kaoru carefully opened the bag and poured the popped kernels inside, grabbing his glass of water and heading back into the living room to squeeze onto the couch again with Fea and Kyo, the taller of which was hiding his face in his very amused boyfriend's neck.

Die headed in as well after getting three beers. He settled in and pressed a beer into each Kyo and Fea's hands. They both took them, Fea chugging immediately, obviously having fried nerves. He was very jumpy with horror movies, getting into them a bit too much. Kyo decided to find it amusing. Leaning back, he slid an arm around Kaoru's waist and licked his lips a bit, letting out a soft sigh as he re-focused on the movie, feeling a little better. Kaoru leaned into his side, eating popcorn one piece at a time, none of them really caring that it was hardly noon and they were already drinking and watching scary movies like it was almost twelve hours in the other direction. Die sipped at his beer, glad they could finally have booze in the house again without worrying about him and how much he was drinking. Kaoru stole Die's beer and took just a little sip, not really wanting a full one and knowing it was best to avoid it just yet, but wanting to taste it. He handed it back and was glad he's swallowed his sip when Fea let out a high-pitched scream, slapping his hands over his face, clocking himself in the nose with his beer bottle as a bloody ghoul raced towards the camera. Kyo nearly fell to the floor laughing. Die snorted, glad he hadn't been in possession of his own beer at the time. He started laughing, leaning over to pat Fea's leg, his face turning red in an attempt to not actually crack up in Fea's face over it.

"S'okay man," he managed to get out.

Fea rubbed at his nose, cursing under his breath. Kyo kept laughing, hugging Fea's side and trying to apologize. Kaoru was holding onto his ribs, also finding it too funny to save Fea some face. Die patted him a bit and shook his head.

"You'll find a time to get us all back, I promise."

Fea frowned, drinking more of his beer, and Kyo gave him a little kiss in apology. Die settled back and yawned a bit, closing his eyes. He murmured after a few minutes,

"So... who wants to help me dye my hair back to red?"

Fea perked up to be distracted from the movie, nodding.

"I'll help."

Die chuckled.

"Should we do this now? I mean... I bought the bleach and the dye."

Fea laughed, glad to have a distraction from the movie. He got up and patted Kyo's leg, carrying his beer towards the bathroom. Die smirked, glad to have distracted the other for the time being. He wandered off toward the bathroom as well, kneeling down once he was inside and opening the cabinet, pulling out the cheap box of red dye and a small bottle of hair bleach. Out of the top drawer, he retrieved the other supplies: some hair clips, a cap, and the hair dryer to activate the bleach. Fea pulled on some gloves and looked at the directions on the box of dye. "

Are you doing all of it?"

Die nodded a bit.

"I'm sick of his black already. I just... the bad memories need to go away."

Fea nodded and ran his fingers through Die's hair, squinting at the box.

"So.... how do you usually do this? I have to be honest, I usually wing it when I bleach my hair and I'm never around when Kyo touches up his roots."

Die reached to pull out the instructions and gave Fea the gloves folded in them.

"Put these on."

He moved to start pouring the components together into the little tray and mixing them with the provided brush. Fea managed to get his long, large hands in the gloves and watched Die, pulling his hair up in a bun to keep it out of his face.

"Let's, uh... let's hope I don't fuck this up."

He gave Die a little smile and waited on his next instructions. Die laughed softly and shook his head.

"Hard to screw up the rest of this, to be honest."

He finished mixing and then put it aside, grabbing a thing that looked rather like a Chapstick from one of the drawers and smearing it around his hairline to keep the dye from staining his head. With that done, he set out some clippies and a shower cap, sitting back down just after.

"Now you just put it on my hair. About a quarter inch from the roots to the tip, do it in chunks and then put the chunks back in one of the clips."

Fea nodded, looking everything over and then going for it. He separated a section of Die's hair and started to paint on the bleach carefully. Once it was coated, he wound it around his finger and clipped it down, moving on to another piece. Die sat there, his eyes squinted just in case bleach fell down or something.

"Mmm... it's nice to have someone help me with this. Doing it yourself is a pain in the ass."

Fea gave him a smile in the mirror and kept working, trying to be extra careful, still a bit uncertain about what he was doing.

"I can imagine. I've only ever really put streaks of color in my hair, and it's rather irritating. Of course, I've got miles of hair, so..."

Die laughed.

"That'd be freaking hard. Lengthy hair is difficult."

He sniffed a bit and scrunched up his nose, looking like he was about to sneeze, holding up one finger.

"Yeah. I love it long, though. I can't seem to bring myself to cut it, as much as I think about doing so."

Fea stopped what he was doing and waited for Die to sneeze, not wanting his head to jerk forward and end up pulling his hair. After a few moments, he sighed.

"Such a tease... watch, it's gonna come out of nowhere in a minute."

He pursed his lips a bit and settled down again, head tilted back. Fea laughed softly, getting back to bleaching. When he was done and Die's head was covered in sloppy little piles of clipped hair, he held up his messy, gloved hands.

"What now?"

"Now you take those gloves off and throw them away. I have spares in the third drawer down. I sit here with the cap on my head," he reached for it and started putting it on. "And I put the hairdryer on it for as long as I can stand and we time half an hour."

Fea nodded, taking off his gloves and sitting down on the edge of the tub. Kaoru was lured by the sound of the hair dryer, padding to the door and leaning in it, just smirking at Die. Die peered up at Kaoru, smiling softly and then pursing his lips a bit, tilting his head up. Kaoru shuffled over, leaning against the counter and putting a small kiss on Die's mouth.

"How red this time?"

He made a soft sound of pleasure at the kiss. After a moment, he chuckled, pointing at the box where it was brilliant red.

" _That_ red."

Kaoru smirked and leaned again to kiss the side of Die's neck before hobbling off to the kitchen for a glass of water, leaving Die to his business. Kyo was heard in the living room, cackling at the violent ending scene of the movie. Fea sighed.

"Oooooh, my soul mate is a psychopath."

"But we knew that already," Die remarked, a smirk on his lips. "But then again, aren't we all in some way?"

Fea shrugged, scratching a dogwood blossom on his arm.

"Sure. Kyo's a special breed or crazy, though."

He flashed a grin and stood, stretching, placing his palms flat against the ceiling.

"I'm gonna go smoke, since you've got to wait, anyway."

Die nodded, watching him go. He held the hairdryer out toward Kaoru with a pleading look, wondering if this would be a good thing for them to start to re-bond over. Kaoru laughed, holding up his finger and sipping some water for a moment. Fea walked out onto the back porch, and Kaoru made his way back into the bathroom. He took the dryer and started sweeping the hot air over Die's head.

"Tell me if I'm about to set you on fire."

Die nodded.

"Definitely will do."

He tilted his head back a bit and closed his eyes, letting out a contented little sigh, his hands coming to hold onto Kaoru's hips. Kaoru leaned his weight onto one hip, trying not to keep the dryer on one spot for too long.

"I hope my hair starts growing back soon. The three of you give me serious hair envy."

Die felt a slight wave of sadness at having reminded Kaoru of such a thing. But he tried not to show it, just giving Kaoru a hopeful look.

"I hope it comes back in quickly for you."

Kaoru squeezed Die's shoulder and shrugged it off, going back to blow drying. He hummed a little, picking up the washcloth and rubbing off a bit of bleach on the top of Die's ear. Die leaned into the touch, so starved for affection it was almost painful. The truth was, he felt sort of naked without it, despite knowing he was just being stupid. But even those thoughts didn't sustain him and he knew it. But, he knew he'd never complain, because he was just happy to have his lover alive and that was all that mattered, nothing more and nothing less. Kaoru poked at a twist of hair, trying to check if the bleach was working. He turned the hair dryer down some and carefully settled himself on Die's knee, continuing to dry. Die slid his arms around Kaoru's waist and leaned into him, eyelids heavy with pleasure.

After a moment, he murmured softly, "I love you with everything I have in me, Kaoru... everything."

Kaoru blinked rapidly, a bit surprised to have heard such a sentiment, but his face softened into a smile and he put a finger under Die's chin, tilting his head up for a kiss.

"I love you, too. You know that. You're my everything."

Die leaned up for the kiss, letting out a soft sound of pleasure at the contact. Just such small things made him happy these days, they really did. One long-fingered hand came to rest on Kaoru's cheek, gently caressing it. Kaoru smiled and broke the kiss, nuzzling his hawkish nose against Die's cheek.

"We'll get back to what we used to be. I promise."

Die looked almost embarrassed, knowing that his thoughts were so open. He sniffed a bit and then licked his lips slightly, blushing slightly.

"One day," he murmured softly.

Kaoru kissed his cheek before going back to blow drying, prodding the gathers of hair.

"I think you're about done, babe."

Die leaned to peer in the mirror and then nodded, removing the clips from his hair.

"Now I wash this out and then I'll need someone to put in the color part."

He moved to go pull the shower head down and hunched over the drain, squeezing his eyes shut and turning on the water, starting to blast the water at it. Kaoru put the dryer down and pat Die's ass.

"I'll go get Fea to help you with the color."

He head out and stuck his head out the door where Fea and Kyo were smoking, letting the taller man know Die was almost ready to put the red in his hair. Fea nodded and snubbed out his cigarette, heading back into the bathroom, waiting patiently for Die to finish rinsing. Die finished rinsing his hair and then squeezed it out, getting up and then using a towel to scrub his hair a bit. He peered at himself in the mirror and snorted.

"I look retarded with blonde hair," he informed, an amused look in his face.

Fea tried not to snicker, obviously agreeing. He smiled and reached for the box of hair dye, reading the directions before starting to shake the bottle.

"Ready?"

Die came back and sat down, picking up the hair dryer to dry his hair a bit, leaving it barely damp before he settled again.

"Kaoru, Kyo, if you want blackmail pictures this is your last chance!"

There was a scuttling from the living room, and Kyo came barreling towards the door, camera ready and taking photos as soon as he was in the room.

"Oh this is gonna be good... I will find the exact right moment to use this..."

He was grinning like an idiot, and Fea just rolled his eyes, running his fingers through Die's hair to smooth it back from his face before putting on another pair of gloves. Die let out a laugh and shook his head.

"Keep dreaming, blondie."

He stuck out his tongue and waggled it in Kyo's general direction and then smirked again, posing for the camera with a sultry look that just looked stupid with the blonde hair on his head right then.

Kyo snickered and then snapped another photo before running off back to Kaoru in the living room. Fea shook his head and started applying the red dye, working it through Die's hair. Die leaned back toward him, closing his eyes and letting out a soft sigh, licking his lips slightly.

"Mmm... I love this... going back to red."

Fea hummed a little, smiling.

"It does rather suit you."

He continued until the bottle was empty, combing the dye through evenly and then piling Die's hair on top of his head and securing it with a clip, taking off his gloves and getting the stray dye off Die's ears. Once Fea was done, Die let out a soft hum at the way he cleaned up his ears to make sure he wasn't red in places he shouldn't be.

Fea gave him a little wink and kissed the end of Die's nose sweetly, going out to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen and check up on Kaoru and Kyo, gossiping away in quiet Japanese, looking suspicious when Fea came in. He cocked a brow and prodded them until they would talk, all three pairs of eyes watching the bathroom door to make sure Die would not hear. Yet, at least.

Die peered into the mirror, looking for any stray spots, not finding any. After a moment, he sat back and pulled out his phone, tweeting about his new hair color and apologizing for not having talked to twitter in a while. The second post was about how Kaoru had been sick, and he had been stressed. And finally a third, pleading with anyone who knew someplace hiring bar tenders or graphic designers to give him a link.

Kaoru's phone pinged three times with Die's Tweets, which he had sent to his phone in text messages, but he cleared them without reading them, giving Fea a little nod and going into the bedroom to settle in the arm chair in the corner. Fea watched him go and then went into the bathroom again with Kyo behind him, checking Die's hair.

"Almost done?"

Die checked the time.

"Twenty more minutes," he mumbled. "I know the box says ten, but leaving it in a little longer sets it real good and less washes out in the shower."

He tilted his head a little and peered at them.

"Everything okay?"

Fea blinked a little, then smiled his easy smile again, nodding.

"Of course!"

He leaned against the counter and Kyo fit against his side, his arm going around the shorter man's shoulders.

"Well..." He stalled for quite a bit before finally speaking up. "Kaoru was asking us... if we, ah... how to best put this.... provide some service to you that he, ah, isn't able to provide at present?"

Die watched them until Fea started stumbling over his words. Once he had them out though, he blushed and peered down at his lap. He wanted to... honestly, he wanted it bad. But he also felt sort of like he was putting his friends out, always having to be put in the middle of them by request of either himself or Kaoru. Was it really okay to invade their sex life like that? But the thought of being able to touch them, to taste them, to have them do the same to him burned in his mind, lighting his body on fire. After a moment, he shivered and then peered back up at them, voicing what he felt he needed to.

"I'd like to... but... please don't feel like it's necessary. I don't like imposing on you guys and your good will."

Kyo gave Fea a knowing look and mumbled, "I told you so," before turning back to Die.

"Cut that shit out. You should know better by now. If we didn't want to, we wouldn't. It's just always a little awkward initiating... but of course, if that's what you'd like..."

He looked back up at a blushing Fea.

"We could give you a show while your dye sets..."

Fea giggled behind a long hand like a shy girl but gave Die a look through his lashes that was clearly willing. Die gave them a bit of a sheepish look and then settled back, studying them. He tried to find the right words, realizing eventually that he just wasn't good with the whole words thing. Instead, he bobbed his head a little in agreement, settling back on the toilet and studying them.

Fea pulled out his phone and quickly set an alarm for twenty minutes so that they didn't forget completely about Die's hair and ruin it before he slipped down onto his knees in front of Kyo. Even on his knees, he was barely a head shorter than his lover, his long arms wrapping around the other, dwarfing him. It was an odd sight, often, to see them together. It wasn't only that Fea was taller, he was bigger. His hands, his features, everything. Only Kyo's cock seemed to match Fea in size, and yet they fit together perfectly, had figured out how to convert everything to work. Kyo leaned down and tugged the pin out of Fea's hair that was holding it all up, letting it tumble to his hips. His long fingers threaded through the dark strands, and he tilted Fea's chin up to kiss him, starting slow and sweet. Die settled back to watch, his eyes taking in the scene. They were such a sweet couple, and he felt happy knowing he was privy to such a sight. He stayed almost reverently quiet, even measuring his breathing so that he wouldn't disturb them.

This kiss dragged on, hands in hair and pulling each other closer, deepening. It was hardly another minute or two before they had started to tug at clothes, impatience in their movements. Kyo tugged Fea's hair especially hard, and the other yelped and then quieted himself, almost always submitting to the other after such displays. Something in the slump of his shoulders, giving in to Kyo, it was clear he loved the cruel edge to his lover's treatment, that it got him off. Die sucked in a tiny bit of air at the way Kyo tugged on Fea's hair, his own scalp tingling as if he'd been the one to receive such treatment. Part of him wanted to be treated like that, to see how it felt. It was like a curious little thrill, really.

Kyo tugged off Fea's shirt and traced his fingers over his chest, a hand still secure in his long, dark hair. He brought his fingers up and shoved two into Fea's mouth and the other sucked obediently.

"Are you gonna suck me like a good slut?" he asked.

Fea nodded and gave a little moan.

"And are you going to let Die fuck your ass raw if he wants to?"

Another nod.

"And fuck him stupid if he wants you to?"

Nodding once more.

"Because you're a good little slut, aren't you?"

Fea moaned loud this time, sucking hard on Kyo's fingers.

"That's what I thought..."

This time Die looked amused. Kyo calling Fea a slut was amusing as all hell somehow. He licked his lips a little and moved to lean on the counter slightly, watching them.

"You two make an incredible couple," he finally let out, unable to keep the comment to himself, hoping it wouldn't ruin anything.

Fea blushed something awful and tucked his chin against his shoulder farther from Die. Kyo only laughed, kissing Fea's temple and reaching to undo his jeans all while looking at Die with a proud smile.

"We have to be. We're both crazy as fuck; this wouldn't work if it we weren't meant for each other."

Again Fea blushed and this time it was clear he was rather touched. Kyo broke the sweetness of the moment, however, when he took his cock out and dragged Fea's hand to it. His lover began to stroke him instantly, suckling gently at his neck. Kyo growled low in his throat, giving a few approving words. Die smirked a bit and then gasped when Kyo took out his cock, eyes instantly locked on it. Seeing porn was one thing, seeing Kyo's actual dick was a whole other. Memories of a certain video he'd gotten from Kyo once flooded his mind, the memory of the other managing to fuck himself with his own dick making him shiver with pleasure. One hand slid down to tuck between his thighs, though only just remaining there, not much else.

Fea kept stroking until Kyo pressed down on his shoulder. He sank down to sit on his heels and hunched over, kissing across Kyo's bare stomach and then up his cock, suckling at the head for a moment before Kyo became impatient and shoved himself down Fea's throat. The other choked at first, but tried to recover, relaxing and taking all of it, slowly starting to bob his head over the whole length. Die let out a groan that wasn't even remotely covered at Kyo's action. He could almost taste the dick on his lips, his tongue pressing against the roof of his mouth while he watched. His hand moved this time, pressing against his crotch and holding there, his lower lip caught between his teeth.

Without Fea giving any physical signs of being cross, Kyo hushed him and pet his hair.

"I'm sorry. You suck better than anybody; I'll let you do your thing."

He leaned back against the counter and did as he promised, letting Fea suck him at his own pace, watching his lover take him in expertly, tongue and throat and lips knowing exactly how to tease him and bring him the most pleasure, going slow, just enough to get him worked up without trying to really get him off just yet. Kyo grabbed Fea's phone off the counter impatiently and checked to see how much longer they had.

Die let Fea do what he was doing for a while before he finally purred out softly, "Suck his balls..." it was a plea more than anything else, something he just wanted to see done and wondered if he was allowed to ask such things.

Fea cut his eyes towards Die, a little surprised at first and then shutting his eyes again. He leaned back and sucked at Kyo's head until his lover gasped and then he dipped his head down, stroking Kyo's cock with his hand while he sucked first one nut into his mouth, then the other, then both. Kyo made a funny noise and bucked a little, his hand in Fea's hair tightening slightly. Die watched, his eyes gleaming as the other did as he asked him to. He groaned softly, knowing how Kyo probably tasted right then. Slight sweat, slight hint of Kyo's body wash, and all Kyo. Another groan slipped free from his lips and he shivered slightly.

"Yeah... like that," he murmured softly.

Fea watched Die again, sucking a bit more, playing it up for a bit before returning to suck Kyo's cock. He had hardly begun to deep-throat him again when the alarm on his phone went off. Kyo pushed Fea back and panted, pointing at Die.

"Rinse out your hair. Then we'll go into the bedroom, and you can join us."

Die popped up from his seat, stripping off his clothing and then grabbing a fresh pair of gloves before hopping into the shower and pulling down the sprayer. He turned it on full blast and started to wash out his hair that way. Once it ran pinkish, he stood up and went about quickly washing off, knowing he wasn't smelling too great at this point, rather covered in hair dye smell. He used the wash that came with it, rinsing it real well and then doing it again for good measure. He put in the conditioner and rinsed off his body, finally washing that out and then turning off the spray. He yanked the door open and grabbed a towel, panting slightly from his rush through doing this.

Kyo and Fea had settled naked on the counter, amused to watch the fastest shower ever taken. Laughing softly, they both reached out and took a hand, tugging Die towards the bedroom, where Kaoru was curled up with a book in his chair. He put it down and smirked.

"About damn time," he commented, tilting his head at Die and his new hair. "Looks good, tiger."

Changing the topic quickly he asked, "Ready for a well-deserved fuck?"

Die managed to get maybe a third dried before he was hauled off to the bedroom. His towel was left abandoned, forgotten on the floor of the bathroom. He looked like a kid who had his hand stuck in a cookie jar for a moment and then looked relieved, blushing slightly and then nodding. For whatever reason, he somehow hadn't expected Kaoru to be sitting there. Not at all that he minded, but his mind wasn't on that. Rather it was focused on two amazingly attractive men who were naked as sin right then and pretty much dragging him to bed.

"So horny," he breathed out, embarrassed only because he'd tried to take care of it earlier and it obviously had not worked. All three of them let out a joined "We know" and then laughed at themselves before Kyo dragged Die onto the bed, gently biting his shoulder.

"What do you want first? You can do pretty much anything you want to Fea, and there's not much I'd turn you down on, either."

Die couldn't even decide what he wanted first, just lying there on Kyo. But after a moment, he murmured out, "God just fuck me, then we'll decide after that."

Kyo laughed and Fea was one step ahead of them, slicking lubricant over Kyo to make it a bit easier before Kyo clambered around to get between Die's legs, spreading the other's lips, and pushing himself complete in with a single thrust. Die let out a loud groan at Kyo's dick sliding into him. It felt so damn good to be filled again. He arched his back, spreading his legs and rocking toward Kyo, still wet from both the shower and his desires. Knowing nothing was between them, just dick inside his pussy made him almost mad with desire, his muscles clamping down around Kyo as Die bucked his hips a little.

Fea knelt on the bed beside them and watched, Kyo taking up Die's needy pace immediately, fucking him hard, pushing him at the back of the knees to spread his legs wide and thrust as deep as he could into Die. "

Is this what you fucking wanted?"

Die almost howled in pleasure, his body quaking with the pleasure shooting through him.

"Yes! Oh god yes!" he cried out, clutching at Kyo's shoulders.

The deeper Kyo thrust, the more and more Die lost his head, starting to make his little _huh-huh-huh_ noises.

Fea curled his toes against the mattress, looking like a hungry scavenger on his knees beside them, holding his dick, just wrapping his hand around it for the time being. He could see that Die was probably going to cum, soon and hard, and watching him become so overwhelmed was ramping up his own hormones. Kaoru watched all of it in cool amusement from his chair, an odd sense of power in watching it all despite his lack of sexual interest in it for the time being. Die's fingernails were short enough they didn't draw blood, but the damn sure left little crescents in Kyo's flesh as he clung to him even harder. His entire body was shaking: something he couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. A few more glorious moments passed him by before he was screaming loud enough his voice cracked, body tightening around Kyo's dick before he lost it, warmth spreading between them as he came, still bucking wildly against the blonde.

Fea made an odd little noise of excitement, watching Die cum. Kyo only rumbled a chuckle of satisfaction, shifting a bit as Fea slid beside them, his fingers slicked with lube, and began to rub them against Die's ass. Kyo pulled out and let his lover take his place, Fea shifting between Die's legs and starting to stretch his ass. Die arched into the touch, whimpering softly and feeling like a shameless whore right then. Truth was, he was so damn horny, he didn't care what he looked like.

"Please," he whispered out, biting his lip slightly just after, cheeks warm.

Fea shushed him a bit, sucking on a nipple as he stretched Die, trying to work up to three fingers. He knew Die could take a lot, but he didn't particularly feel like risking anything.

Die's hands came to clamp on the back of Fea's head, pushing him down on his nipple, letting him know he loved it. His body strained up toward the other already, his breath panting out, face flushed.

"Ah, oh!"

Fea bit down on the nipple before moving to the other, stretching three fingers around inside Die, feeling the wetness from his orgasm add to the lube to slick everything up. He was antsy and ready to fuck, not waiting much longer before he shifted and moved himself completely between Die's thighs, spreading them and lining himself up. Die whimpered quietly, trying to remain still despite wanting to desperately fuck the shit out of himself on the other. Spreading his legs a little more, he shivered slightly and voiced another, "Please," to the other, his eyes full of desperation and his voice laced with a plea.

Fea smirked a bit at Die's vocalized desperation and began to push inside. He was careful at first, sinking in and giving a few slow thrusts to ensure everything was fitting comfortably, before he began to go to town, leaning his weight forward onto his hands and taking up a fast rhythm that Kyo was every so quietly grunting along to, watching his lover's hips snap towards Die. Die's long legs shifted up toward his chest, hands hooking under his thighs to keep them there. His back arched, neck exposed to the other in a silent plea, his breath rasping out over and over.

"Nnngggghhh!"

Fea grunted ever so slightly with each thrust, tilting his head at Die's exposed throat before leaning down to bite at it, gently at first, then harder, testing around in different spots to see where Die liked it the best. Die let out varying sounds until Fea's lips landed on the hollow of his throat. He let out a sharp cry, tensing under him. But it was in a manner that made it obvious he actually was enjoying it. Fea growled and bit down against the skin, flicking his tongue over it. He pulled back and fucked Die in short, shallow thrusts as he worried at the flesh.

Kyo leaned over and whispered to Die in Japanese, "He loves to be bitten. Draw blood if you want, the harder, the better."

Die let out a soft snarl at the thought that he could inflict such pain on another. One hand moved to yank the other up a bit, tugging him until he was where he wanted, teeth sinking into his shoulder, an almost feral look in his eyes. Fea sucked in a sharp gasp at the initial bite and then screamed, aloud, keening sound of both pain and pleasure. He gritted his teeth but didn't pull away and started fucking Die hard and fast again.

"G-god.... fuck!"

Die hissed out his breath at him, biting down harder, his legs spreading more. He almost wanted to taste blood, to smell that coppery scent on the air and know he did it. And from Fea's reaction, he seemed to want him to as well. Fea let out a little sob but didn't ask Die to stop. He knew he was very close to breaking skin if he had not already and the pain blossomed great big wells of shivers through his body, making him slow down a bit, having to regain composure and give in a little more to how fucking much it hurt to have Die biting him that hard, like he was going to eat him, and how much he loved that pain. Die finally released him when he saw it had the desired reaction. He licked over the skin in a sort of apology and then purred softly against the other's throat, nipping lightly there as well before he pulled back to look up at him, hooking his arms behind his legs again to pull himself more open for Fea's pleasure.

Fea mewled softly, his eyes closed in concentration, brow furrowed, fucking Die like he was focusing hard on it. Kyo chuckled slightly and leaned down to whisper in Die's ear again.

"Shove him off you. Come straddle my cock, instead. That way we can both fit inside you."

There was a calmness to his demands, a delivery that told he did not expect his directions to go unfollowed. Die blinked over at Kyo, studying him for a moment and slowly realizing he was being bossed around. His tongue slid over his lips, wetting them to a glistening sheen. With a tiny smirk, he whispered out in slightly broken German,

"And if I don't?"

Fea gave them both strange looks, still thrusting. Kyo laughed.

"So you don't want two cocks fucking you in half?"

Die let out a breathy laugh.

"Mmm... didn't say that," he purred out in Japanese, reaching to cup Kyo's face in his hand gently before he rather abruptly shoved Fea off of him, doing so in an almost violent manner, a predatory look in his eyes as he peered down at him, a smirk on his lips.

"I want both," he informed.

Kyo nuzzled against Die's hand and Fea nearly fell off the bed as he went backwards away from Die. He blinked, shocked at first, and then collapsed back laughing.

"Fine! Fine..."

He held his stomach and laughed until he could finally compose himself, getting up on his knees and watching for Die and Kyo to get situated. Die moved over to Kyo, reaching to stroke his dick and then holding it as he slid one long leg over Kyo's body. He settled down on Kyo's dick, groaning as the other slid inside him, filling him so nicely. Every dick was different, and Die loved feeling more than one during a session. If that made him a slut, then so be it, he decided.

Bending over Kyo, he slid one arm under him and reached to play with blonde hair while he waited on Fea to take advantage of his offering. Fea let out a pleased growl at the sight, Kyo purring as Die's heat squeezed around him, and slim fingers played through his hair. Kaoru had put on some music, and Fea was carefully pressing himself back into Die, going very very slowly. Die let out a groan, leaning his head down and nuzzling at Kyo's face, rubbing his cheek against the other's, feeling the rasp of hair against him and loving it.

When Fea started to push in, Die clung tighter to him, moaning softly and then panting out, "Oh god," in English.

Fea steadied one hand on Die's shoulder, the other on his hip.

"Tell me if I should stop. I don't want to hurt you."

Die shook his head a little.

"Don't stop... no stopping," he hissed out, the look on his face something of pure desperation.

Fea laughed and nuzzled Die's shoulder gently, pushing in ever so slowly.

"Fine, fine, no stopping."

Kyo groaned, feeling his lover's cock slide into Die through a veil of muscles, reaching to pet Fea's hip gently. Die's muscles fluttered slightly, his body a bit perturbed by being stretched so much. But he knew he was okay and didn't voice anything, just leaning down to suck at Kyo's Adam's apple, nipping around to the side of his neck and tonguing over the vein there. His free hand moved from Kyo's hair to snag the vocalist's wrist, pushing it between them and toward his lady-dick, wanting it to be touched right then. Kyo growled, feeling Fea start to settle in a bit more comfortably, and stroked at Die almost lazily, hardly rolling his hips. Fea leaned forward and let his long hair over Die's shoulder, kissing along his neck.

Die let out a soft sigh that implied he was happy to have that happening right then. He couldn't decide if he wanted to strain forward or backward, settling on doing both in alternating order, his hand moving to tug Fea's to his left nipple, wordlessly begging for everything he wanted from this. They both began moving with Die's rhythm and making a workable pace with each other, conceding to Die's needs, Fea worrying at a nipple and Kyo stroking at his cock.

"How does it feel?" Fea asked him quietly in his ear before sucking at his lobe.

Die's only answer was a sweet little moan, that made it clear how he was feeling right then, which was very _very_ good. His eyes were clouded with passion, his mind slowly slipping away and leaving only the sexual, feeling beast behind. Both of them kept going, fucking Die like they were trying to fuck through him to get to each other. At one point Fea crushed Die down on top of Kyo to kiss his lover hungrily, Kyo reaching up to tug at Fea's hair. Die just writhed between them, moaning and shifting, his every action making it clear he was incredibly lost in what was happening. He always desired this so much, to be filled so completely. The only thing better would have been if he could have had Kaoru's dick in his mouth. His eyes moved to his lover, watching him the entire time Kyo and Fea interacted with one another, something almost unreadable in his eyes.

Kaoru had almost spaced out just listening to them, his eyes far off, until he realized Die was looking at him. Meeting his eyes he smiled gently, crossing his legs and shifting a bit more comfortable in the chair, mouthing "I love you".

Die reached one hand toward Kaoru, fingers flexing slightly. He was too far gone to understand the words given to him, but he seemed to understand the context. His body still moved with the ebb and flow of their union, his hand held out to Kaoru anyway, even as he lost himself in the wonderful feelings. Kaoru shook his head and stayed in his seat, blowing Die a little kiss, watching Kyo and Fea start biting at each other around Die. Die's hand fell to the bed and he just burrowed his head in Kyo's shoulder, his eyes closing as he went back to just feeling what was going on, little huffing sounds coming out of him every few seconds that told he was still being pleasured. Fea nuzzled on Die relentlessly, a very touchy lover. Kyo was gently clawing Die up and down his chest and sides, thrusting up into him at a more and more erratic pace, nearly on his edge. The redhead shuddered slightly, too full to manage an orgasm right then. But he felt like he was on cloud nine and that was all that really mattered for the time being. Kyo shuddered and grit his teeth, grabbing onto Die and fucking up into him forcefully as he came, letting out a guttural sound. Fea lost it soon after just watching his lover's face, both of them sort of sagging down against the bed with Die between them.

Die gasped softly, clinging to Kyo as he spilled inside him. When Fea came a moment later, Die was so happy to be filled from both ends, the warmth of cum in him making him feel amazing. He pushed back against them and licked his lips slightly. Kyo recovered fairly quickly, slipping out of Die and smacking Fea's ass, making him yelp. He carefully pulled out of Die as well and flopped onto his back. Kyo smirked, looking down at Die.

"So do you want a piece of my boyfriend's ass, or am I going to have to make him scream all by myself?"

Fea snickered at not being given in weigh-in at all in a manner that made it clear he had no issues with what was being discussed. Die rolled off to the side and lay there for a minute, trying to piece his brain back into his head. Finally, he murmured out, "I can take care of that... just..." he held up one finger, "gimme a minute."

Both of them chuckled at him, and Kyo crawled on top of Fea for the time being, finding some lube and carefully starting to prep him for Die, kissing him sloppily as he worked his long fingers inside the other, making him purr like a kitten. Die finally got himself into the right mindset, shaking off the state he tended to get into when he was off on cloud nine like that. He sniffed a bit and then rolled over to watch, his hand slowly moving down Kyo's back and over the swell of his ass, kneading the globe of flesh. He got an idea right then and let out a soft purr-like sound.

"Stay like that," he let out, slipping off the bed to go get his strap-on.

Kyo gave Die a questioning look, but didn't pry, rubbing directly against Fea's prostate and making him squirm, loud, high pitched noises coming out of him even as he tried to stifle them. Die carefully strapped it on, using the one that went inside him as well and then crawled up on the bed behind both of them, leaning down to kiss at Kyo's back and then smacked his ass lightly before purring out in German, "Your ass... is mine, too."

Kyo's brow went up and he looked at Die a bit skeptically, challengingly.

"Oh yeah?"

Die nodded and laughed, switching to Japanese.

"Both of yours... both mine."

He reached under to press at Fea's ass as well, pushing Kyo's fingers in a bit more. Fea let out a loud, sucking gasp, his back arching hard. Kyo growled and nipped at his collar bone.

"I want to watch you fuck him first."

Die's fingers slid down from Kyo's ass cheek to the pucker between them, rubbing there.

"Mmm... but what if I want to be a dirty boy and double dip?" he asked, smirking.

Kyo laughed outright, nuzzling Fea's shoulder while he still looked at Die, pointedly ignoring the finger at his hole.

"And how do you propose that would work out?"

He couldn't help but a difficult ass sometimes.

"First, I fuck him a bit, then you, then him... and so on." He chuckled. "It's not a hard concept, Kyo."

Another light smack to his ass. Kyo growled a little at the smack to his ass, but rolled over onto his back, slipping his fingers out of Fea and starting to prod at himself.

"Alright, Mr. Ambitious. Have at it."

Fea looked more than eager, spreading his long, long legs and reaching for Die's dick. Die chuckled softly and then watched him for a second before slipping between Fea's legs, entering him with one sharp thrust, sinking all the way to the hilt.

"Nnnggg," he let out.

Fea let out a sharp gasp, not having expected Die to start so quickly. He tensed up for a moment before he let out the breath he was holding and rocked his hips a little with a low moan, his fingers fisting in the sheets. Die paused, letting Fea adjust, being nice enough to actually do that. He licked his lips a little and tilted his head, his eyes dark.

"Pretend you're masturbating, Fea... let me see how you'd do it alone."

Fea tilted his head, giving Die an odd look like he hadn't understood the language Die had just spoken or something.

He licked his lips, "But I--"

He shut up again, then nodded, reaching down and starting to stroke himself.

"All right..."

Closing his eyes, he adjusted himself back against the bed, his free hand going up to play with his own hair, taking a lock of it and teasing over one of his nipples with it. Die let out a soft grunt, watching him for a moment before starting to fuck him again, his eyes glued to what Fea was doing to himself, except for a few glances over to Kyo to confirm he was still on task and stretching himself for Die as well.

Fea let out a shaky moan, having really been getting into the masturbation fantasy, even imagining Die moving inside him as if the other's dick were a detached toy he was using, and so when Die began to thrust, it sent shivers up his spine and crawling pleasantly down his arms. His back rippled and arched and tugged at his hair again, rubbing it over the spot where Die had bitten him. Die chuckled softly at the way Fea seemed lost in his fantasy.

"You're gorgeous like this," he murmured softly, thrusting harder into him and trying to adjust his angle to hit him at just the right angle.

Fea's jewel-green eyes fluttered back open at the compliment and he blushed before his eyes were shut tightly again. Die had certainly found the right angle. Fea's voice pitched up and got louder and he had both hands in his hair now, pulling at it hard, one moving down to claw over his own stomach. Die grunted slightly and kept pounding into him, bound and determined to get the other off if he possibly could. It was almost sort of a thing with him, that he wanted to do it now. Fea was gasping and moaning, spreading his legs furthers, Kyo watching with his dick in his hand, obviously turned on by what he saw. Die stopped rather abruptly and pulled out, doing a ridiculous roll over to Kyo and yanking his legs apart, an evil look in his eyes as he aligned himself and pushed against him.

Fea let out a loud whine when Die pulled out, disappointed. He laid there pouting as he watched Die start to push into Kyo, who took it with a growl, almost challenging, but not enough to stop him, seeming to give in the deeper Die pushed, actually relaxing by the time the redhead was all the way in. He seemed small under Die, his petiteness exaggerated by the two tall, broad-shouldered men in the bed with him. Die stared down at Kyo, his eyes locking with the blonde's. He refused to back down, watching him and then starting to thrust into him, doing so as harshly as he possibly could, jarring Kyo in the process, wanting him to know he could properly take him if given the chance.

Kyo made a pained expression, one hand finding Fea's and squeezing it, hard, but he didn't protest, wrapping one leg around Die's waist. Fea stroke the back of Kyo's hand and watched them, obviously a little edgy, ready to cum but trying to be patient. Die let up after a moment, going to something more comfortable for both of them, reaching over and dragging Fea in for a harsh kiss and then leaning down to give Kyo a sloppy one as well. Fea moaned into the kiss, hardly able to keep up before Die had switched to Kyo, reaching out to pet his lover's hair while Die had his way with him. Die pulled back from the kiss, just concentrating on the thrusting, trying to make Kyo feel as good as he'd managed to make Fea. No sense in scaring him off the anal because he was being too brutal.

Fea watched carefully, seeing Kyo sink more and more into it. It wasn't that his lover didn't like anal, he simply had his moods where he didn't like feeling like he was submitting. Trying to help Die out, Fea leaned in and found that magic spot on Kyo's neck, starting to suck it softly. Almost instantly, Kyo was writhing and moaning loudly, bucking up towards Die. Die groaned when Kyo bucked, his hips working against the other in a manner that proclaimed he wanted to cum, his eyes wild and almost pitch black by that point. Kyo was like a spring winding tighter and tighter, fighting between Fea at his neck and Die ramming into him. His hands fumbled around wildly before one found Die's hip, grabbing and scratching, and the other snarled in Fea's hair.

Die cried out at the scratching on his hip. It sent a shock of slightly unexpected pleasure through him and reminded him that Kyo owed him a touch up on his back tattoo from last time they'd fooled around. He let out a soft hiss and ground against him hard, a shudder ripping through him as he exploded, warmth filling his belly as he came. After a moment, he started to thrust again, wanting to get Kyo off, and then Fea. Kyo wasn't far from the mark, already, toes curled and muscles nearly cramping. He had Fea yelping when he plunged over the edge, not long after Die, yanking at his lover's hair as he came in a sloppy mess all over his stomach. Die gasped, watching Kyo cum without his dick even being touched. He let out a snarl, thrusting a few more times before he pulled out and reached to push Fea down onto Kyo, rearranging them and then pushing back into Fea with one solid thrust.

"Your turn now," he purred out in his ear, hand snaking around to grasp the other's cock and start to jerk him off.

Fea let himself get jerked around, gasping a little. He shifted Kyo up under him a little so that he could nuzzle against his lover's face, moaning against his neck as Die started fucking him again. He had to splay his knees out wide to not be higher than Die, his legs significantly longer, and they shook from the odd angle, but he didn't care, moving back into the thrusts and forward into Die's hand, already back at the very edge again.

"Cum for me, beautiful," Die purred out, going back to attack the mark he'd made earlier, just nipping at the place rather than full-out biting him.

Fea whined.

"Bite it," he hissed out, then cleared his throat, repeating himself in a tone that sounded like he was embarrassed to be admitting such a thing.

"Bite it and I'll cum."

Die almost wanted to laugh at the difference in tone. but he didn't say anything about it, just doing as he was asked and chomping down on Fea's shoulder, jerking him off rather frantically, hips pistoning against his ass. Fea's back went rigid, and he screamed, long and loud. As promised, hardly a moment later, he was adding his own cum all over Kyo, getting it all over his lover's thighs. Kyo bit his lip and watched a thick line of blood start running down from the spot where Die was biting Fea, wanting to put his fingers in it. Die tasted copper in his mouth and he sucked for a moment, letting it fill his mouth and praying he wasn't being stupid right then. Letting it run down his chin, he sighed softly and pulled out, running a hand through his hair and looking the part of completely debauched.

Fea sank down on top of Kyo and his lover lapped at the blood running lazily from the bite, stroking his hair and helping him come down. Kaoru was chuckling in the corner, clearly amused by the three of them having gone at one another like animals. Die debated going to Kaoru for cuddles, but it seemed like after what he'd just done to Kyo and Fea, that he probably needed to stick around for a few minutes. He took off the strap-on with a soft gasp as the inner part slipped out from inside him and then shivered as he settled down next to them, reaching to idly stroke exposed skin, his eyelids heavy. Fea was purring like a motorboat, Kyo snatching up some tissues to press to the bleeding bite, hugging his lover to him and giving a little smile at Die nuzzling with them.

Die offered a small smile back and then reached to gently tip Kyo's head over toward him, planting a soft kiss on his lips. He did the same to Fea in turn, and then rolled over onto his back, running a hand over his chest. Kaoru got up and left the room for a moment, returning with three damp washcloths and three bottles of water, passing them out and sitting on the edge of the bed nearest Die. Die shifted over to him and then leaned on him, letting out a soft sigh and closing his eyes as he held the bottle against his chest. Kaoru kissed his forehead, smiling and taking the washcloth, gently cleaning him.

"Feel good?"

Die nodded slightly, closing his eyes and pursing his lips a little before chuckling.

"Yup... very much."

Kaoru hummed and kissed Die's head again.

"Good. I'm glad. I think you've been through just as much shit as me the past few months."

Die shook his head a little.

"Nope... going through shit is not the same as almost dying."

He wouldn't let Kaoru put him on the same level. It just wasn't happening.

"Well," Kaoru pulled Die into a small kiss, nuzzling their noses together.

"All the same, I'm glad you could unwind some."

"Thank you," he murmured softly, letting Kaoru wash him off and feeling happy while he did it.

After a moment, he pulled himself closer to kiss Kaoru a little better, craving the affection from his lover and knowing all the while, he needed to stop before he did something stupid. Kaoru kissed him back and gathered Die up in his arms, Kyo and Fea nearly asleep on the bed beside them, having finished washing each other and curled up in one tight ball. Kaoru's hands touched at Die's freshly dyed hair and he pulled back, smiling.

"It looks good. You look like you again."

Die looked up at him with bright eyes, studying him while he pushed his hair back.

"I feel more like me now," he murmured softly.

Kaoru smiled, nodding. Fea sat up groggily and started making hand gestures.

"Do you have a..." He drew a square in the air in front of him, "like a big Band-Aid?"

His shoulder was still bleeding ever so slightly, twin crescents of Die's teeth making red tears into the petals of a rose inked into his skin. Die looked a bit embarrassed and then pushed himself up to stumble off toward the bathroom, going to get the assorted box for him. Bringing it back along with some antiseptic, he settled down, dumping the box out and rummaging through them for something that would work. Kyo took the ointment and cleaned the bite, kissing Fea's neck and nuzzling on him gently. Fea didn't really seem to give a shit, though, groggy and happy looking like he was drugged. Die finally found one that would work, tossing it over toward them and then stuffing the rest back into the boxes.

"Mmm... so.... I didn't mean to actually break the skin, but... hopefully it was worth it?"

Fea made a gurgling noise and nodded, eyes closed. Kyo just laughed.

"He'll live."

Die chuckled and then shook his head, tossing the box aside and then sighed softly, closing his eyes and leaning on Kaoru again.

"Can we all just... lay here?"

The other three nodded, and Kaoru left briefly to turn off the lights and such in the house, shutting the blinds in the bedroom. A nap would be nice. He crawled up onto the bed, he and Fea on the outsides, curling up against Die's back. Die looped a leg over Kyo, ankle on Fea's upper thigh, his arm holding Kaoru's tucked against his side once the other was back in the bed.

"I love you," he whispered out quietly.

Kaoru purred and curled up snuggly, kissing the back of Die's neck.

"I love you, too."

Die relaxed down and let out a quiet little sigh.

"Mmm... family."

He chuckled at the thought, knowing how awkward it was if that was how he was looking at it. There were three little hums of approval at the idea and a general snuggling inward towards the middle of the bed before breathing began to even out, all of the starting to drift off to sleep. Die finally managed to fall asleep a few minutes later, a goofy grin on his face.

 

 

**To Be Continued…**


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta hamhamheaven

Spring passed and Kaoru seemed to get his color back along with the greenery. He continued to get stronger and heal, albeit slowly, but at a consistent pace. By the time summer had arrived, he was nearly back to his usual routine, working from home again with the magazine and getting ready to start working full time in the fall. Die had finally picked up some work, as well, getting a few projects through Kyo's friends that led to more and more as those clients recommended him to other people.

The day was mild and Kaoru had the windows up to let fresh air into the house, having gotten back from his walk with Makoto and showered. He made a fresh pot of jasmine tea and carried a mug into the office, setting it beside Die, kissing behind his ear.

"You know, Thursday is two years," he mentioned casually, rubbing at the short, buzz-cut feeling hair that had begun growing back.

Die was sitting in the office, carefully working on his latest album cover that he'd been commissioned to do. It was honestly one of his best pieces and he was damn proud of it, even though it wasn't done yet. He saved the image and then peered up at Kaoru, smirking at him and then nodding.

"Oh... trust me, Kaoru, I know."

He laughed softly and then reached to gently trace over his lover's jaw.

"Do you have plans or should we go with mine?"

Kaoru shook his head, kissing the top of Die's brow.

"Not really. I mean just wanting to do something, so, we'll go with your plans."

He smiled and rubbed Die's shoulders.

"So what are these magnificent plans?"

Die pulled out a little card from inside his drawer and handed it over to Kaoru. Inside were two tickets to a little spa that was only a few hours’ drive away, tucked away in the mountains. They were "full service" and he'd been saving for quite a while for them, though he'd barely scraped by on it with his newest jobs, honestly. It was like a bed and breakfast and they'd stay two nights and be pampered the entire time with massages, mud packs, and all kinds of other things. Kaoru opened the card and gave a little whistle.

"Baby... you have outdone yourself."

He leaned down and kissed Die, nuzzling his cheek.

"Oh you are gonna full service, for sure."

Die let out a laugh and then caught Kaoru, giving him a bigger kiss.

"Mmm... no, you are!"

He smirked and then pushed back from the desk, yawning a little. He eyed the tea and then moved to take it, refilling his cup and starting to sip from it.

"Thanks, needed this."

"Of course, baby."

He winked and sat on the other side of the desk, content to bother Die for a little while.

"You heard about Fea being in the hospital, right?"

He rolled his eyes after to assure it was nothing serious and probably the other's own fault. He knew Kyo had seemed pretty panicked though and had texted Kaoru early that morning to ask him to make sure the door to their house was locked, not sure if he'd done it in his hurry to get out. Die's eyes widened and he shook his head, grabbing his phone and yanking it out, finding it was out of power.

"Oh my god, what happened?" he asked, quickly grabbing his USB cord to plug his phone in and power it on, feeling like an ass for missing something so serious as a friend in the hospital.

Kaoru waved at him, feeling bad for spooking Die.

"He's OK, he's OK! Kyo freaked, of course... You know that trick he always does, standing on the rail? Well... he finally figured out why it's a dumb thing to do. Fell off at the show last night in Philly and nearly fractured his skull, but Kyo says he's fine and didn't do any serious damage. They had to cancel a few dates, but he's gonna finish the tour."

Die looked visibly upset still though, even after the news. He just didn't like friends being in the hospital. And worse, not knowing about it. He licked his lips a little and then sighed, shaking his head.

"Our idiot friend, for sure."

He picked up his phone when it finally came on and started flipping through his texts to see if Kyo or Fea had texted him. Kaoru stood up and went behind Die, rubbing his shoulders again. There were three texts from Kyo, two just frantic and another calmly explaining he'd flown out to Philly and that Fea was loopy from medication, but fine. Die frowned, responding to the texts.

_I feel like an asshole. My phone didn't have any power. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you. Is he really okay? Do you need me to do anything for you?_

He sent it off and then leaned back into Kaoru's touch.

"Do we have any plans today?"

Kaoru shook his head.

"Not really. I was thinking about driving over to the boat ramp with Mako for a while, it's nice. But no hard plans."

After a minute, Kyo replied.

_It's OK, I figured your phone was off. He's really fine. I mean, he's really loopy and has gnarly busted veins in his right eye, but no damage. He just knocked himself out like a dumbass._

"Sounds nice. Maybe we could have a picnic or something while we're at it?" Die asked him quietly, thinking they should still do something romantic, even if he couldn't end it with anything other than a goodnight kiss.

He checked his phone and looked a little bit relieved.

_Keep me updated, yeah?_

Kaoru nodded, resting his chin on Die's head. Kyo texted back quickly, letting him know he would. Rubbing Die's shoulders one last time, Kaoru went to leave the room, hanging in the door.

"I'll start cooking. Maybe be ready to leave in an hour or so?"

"Do something simple, Kaoru. It's not like it has to be completely home cooked or anything."

He smiled softly after the other and then turned back to his computer, continuing to put some finishing touches on the current work. Kaoru scoffed, pulling things out of the fridge.

"I wanna cook! Leave me alone!" he teased.

"Fine," Die called out, chuckling a bit and then shaking his head slightly.

"I'd like some fruit if we have it," he called out to Kaoru.

Kaoru smirked and put his iPod on the dock in the kitchen, playing something jazzy while he started making rice and curry, wanting a traditional lunch. Once he had everything simmering, he looked at the poetry magnets on the fridge and started rearranging them.

_my strong ways come from you_

_i could not find light without_

_your star_

He smiled and then started cutting up some different fruit that was in the fridge, putting it all into a sectioned Tupperware. Die finished up the project and mailed if off within the next twenty minutes. He stood up and yawned a little, stretching until his back popped. He pulled his phone off the charger, tucking it into his pocket and wandered off toward the kitchen.

"Mmm... baby, smells good."

Kaoru smiled, adding some spices to the curry in between making a few rice balls.

"Thanks. Do you mind digging the picnic basket out of the closet?"

Die wandered over toward the closet and banged around until he found what he needed, pulling it out and grabbing the blanket as well. He brought both back and put them down, smiling softly. Kaoru got out some Tupperware, everything nearly ready to pack, and put some silverware and chopsticks into the basket along with the fruit.

"Do you wanna pack some sodas or just grab bottled water from a gas station on the way?"

"Soda sounds good," he replied, going to the fridge and finding a strawberry Fanta and a root beer for Kaoru, putting them into the basket.

He smiled softly at him and then came up behind him, rubbing over his sides and then kissing his neck softly. Kaoru stopped what he was doing and closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He melted under Die's touch and relaxed back into him with a smile.

"Mmm..."

"Anything else I should go get?" he asked softly.

Kaoru thought about it for a moment.

"Sunblock? I'll grab some beach towels to sit on and some treats for Mako."

Die nodded and traipsed off toward the other, moving to get the sunblock, going to get Mako's leash as well. He came back in and made a clicking sound to get Mako's attention, bringing him closer and then putting him on the leash, scrubbing at his head happily. Kaoru quickly changed into some cargo pants and a t-shirt, grabbing a khaki fedora, as well, and then his keys and such. He packed the rest of the picnic basket and hefted it off the counter.

"Ready?"

Die nodded.

"Definitely."

He headed for the door, slipping out and toward the car, looking happier than he had in a long while, his eyes actually bright. Kaoru locked up and put the basket and towels in the trunk, getting in the driver's seat. He had just gotten back to driving himself and preferred to do it as much as he could. Die put Mako in the back and then slid into the car, buckling up and then sighing softly as he leaned back. Cranking up the car, Kaoru let the windows down and opened the sun roof, backing out of the driveway and starting across town.

"So... well find a place good for the picnic and then wander around and whatnot."

Kaoru nodded.

"If it hasn't changed much since I last went there, I think I know a good spot that hopefully won’t be too crowded. It's kind of beachy, really, on the far side of the river from here. We can check it out, and if it's shit, there's always the lake."

"Sounds wonderful to me," he murmured softly, rolling down the window and pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

Kaoru settled for just smelling Die's cigarette. He had more or less quit while he was in bad health and hadn't really taken it back up again. He hung one arm out the window and put on a pair of sunglasses, cruising and enjoying the summer air, Makoto hanging his head out of the back window. Die glanced over at Kaoru, noticing he didn't pull out any. This was the fourth time he'd noticed he'd smoked right in front of Kaoru, and the other hadn't lit up. In a way, he was a bit perplexed by the whole thing, uncertain what to think. In a way, it made him feel bad to smoke in front of him. Licking his lips a little, he finished it off in three long drags and pitched the butt out the window, rolling up the window and thinking to himself that maybe he needed to stop smoking in front of Kaoru.

They pulled up to a stop light and Makoto got into a barking match with a chihuahua in the next car. Kaoru pulled away laughing, reaching back to rub Makoto's back and get him to shut it.

"Oh don't start already! I don't want you embarrassing me in front of people, I know I don't take you out enough."

Die rolled his eyes at the dog, shaking his head a little.

"Hush, Mako."

He reached to yank on one doggy ear and smirked a bit. Kaoru took Die's hand and Makoto laid down in the back seat. After another twenty minutes he was pulling down a twisting road through trees that opened up onto the bank of the river. Beyond was a sandy stretch with only a few people out. Kaoru parked and grabbed Mako's leash, asking Die to grab the basket. Die slid out of the car, taking the basket in hand and picking up the blanket as well. He followed the others and smiled softly.

"Mmm... it's a nice day, yeah?"

Kaoru went down onto the sands and up, finding a sandy point that hadn't been claimed yet. He smiled and nodded, taking the blanket from Die and spreading it out.

"It is really nice. It's also just nice to be outside again. I honestly think I'm getting better faster just... finally getting out and not holing up in the house all the time."

Die wandered over toward where Kaoru was setting things up, smiling happily at the news that he was feeling better at least.

"It's good to have things that make you feel better."

He came to the other and put his arms around him, kissing at his neck slightly and then nuzzling at him.

"I hope you get to feeling a lot better," he murmured softly.

Kaoru hugged Die tight and rocked him a little.

"They keep saying I should make a full recovery. And I hope this will be the last time I have to deal with any of this."

Die nodded, pecking Kaoru on the nose and then smirking at him.

"I'm glad you're thinking positively now, Kaoru."

It made it so much easier for him when it was like this, honestly. Kaoru blushed a little, nodding and sitting down, finding sun block in the basket and starting to put some on. He looped Makoto's leash around his ankle and wagged a finger at the dog.

"If you're good, I'll let you run around for a while, OK?"

Die settled down with him and took the sun screen away, smirking at him and then starting to rub it into the other's skin.

"Let me do that," he murmured.

Kaoru blushed and nodded, letting Die do it for him, putting some on his face while Die rubbed down his back. Die leaned in, teasing at Kaoru's neck while he went about rubbing in the sun screen.

"I love you," he murmured softly.

Kaoru shivered a little and then laughed, leaning towards Die.

"Love you, too..."

He smiled and waited for Die to finish before taking the sunscreen and pouring some into his hands, gesturing at Die.

"My turn."

Die rubbed some over his own arms from the remaining on his skin. He settled down after that and waited on Kaoru to put some on him. Kaoru made sure Die's back was well covered and rubbed his neck and the back of his ears, rubbing down his chest, as well. When he was done, he carefully got Die's face and then wiped his hands off on a towel, laying back with a stretch. Die settled down and ran his hand through his hair, pulling out a drink and smirking slightly, as he unscrewed it.

"I'm glad we decided to do this today."

Kaoru squinted against the sun and reached to squeeze Die's hand.

"Me, too. We've earned a day out, I think."

He felt Makoto tug at his ankle and laughed, reaching down to grab the leash.

"OK! But be good, I mean it, or I'll have to keep you on the leash all day."

Die watched Mako pull on the leash and smirked a bit.

"And pay attention to us, yeah, Makoto?" he asked, tilting his head a bit.

Kaoru watched Makoto give Die a dumb look and then go tearing off towards the water, starting to play and snap his teeth at his own splashes. Kaoru snickered behind a hand and then dug a book out of the basket, rolling over and opening it to the receipt he was using to keep his place. Die snickered a bit, rolling over on his stomach and finally struggling out of his tank top, leaving it to lay there as he rested his head on his folded arms, determined to get some sun for the night.

Kaoru tried to keep an eye on Makoto, but eventually became engrossed in his book. Thankfully, the dog was behaving, playing by himself in the water and then going to sniff around some bushes, doing dog things that didn't require either of them to go running off to apologize for him. Die huffed out a little sound of pleasure, his eyelids fluttering as he just rested in the sun. Eventually, he flipped over and peered at the basket.

"Food time?" he asked Kaoru.

Kaoru didn't respond for a moment while he finished a paragraph before dropping the bookmark between the pages and looking up.

"Yes! Food time."

He sat up and reached over, pulling out the plates and chopsticks he'd packed and the Tupperware of food. Die waited, realizing the other had begun to find a large amount of comfort in his books. When the other responded, he smiled a bit and reached to help Kaoru set up their feast.

"Should I go get Mako?"

Kaoru shook his head, taking out a bowl and pouring a Ziplock of Kibble into it.

"No need," he explained, shaking the bowl and watching Makoto immediately turn and run towards them.

Die chuckled.

"You think of everything," he murmured softly before picking up the fruit container and serving them both some of it, looking extremely pleased.

Kaoru clicked his tongue and shook his head a little, rubbing Makoto behind the ears.

"Dogs are easy to please. I figured if we fed him with us, he might be more inclined to behave himself."

"Indeed," Die murmured before starting to stab fruit and chow down on it.

It was such a lovely feeling, eating fruit on a blanket out in the open with Kaoru not looking like death warmed over. He couldn't help the soft smile on his lips.

Kaoru made himself a small helping of curry and rice, crossing his legs and starting to eat. He leaned and briefly put his cheek on Die's shoulder.

"Things finally feel like I'm back in the land of the living."

Die leaned over to nuzzle him a little, offering him a piece of apple.

"I've noticed... and it makes me so happy to know you're feeling better. You have no idea."

Kaoru leaned to take the piece of apple and smiled.

"I think I have an idea..."

"Mmm... maybe you do. I suppose you feel probably happier than me, yeah?"

He gave him a sheepish look for having said something so stupid.

Kaoru leaned over again and nibbled a bit on Die's shoulder.

"I think we might tie for first on this one."

He smiled again and went back to his curry, glad that Makoto decided to lie down beside the blanket once he'd finished his food. Die reached to get some actual food rather than just fruit, nodding a bit.

"Perhaps..." though he imagined the emotional torment to be far more for the other man than him, especially having to go through this twice in one lifetime.

Kaoru stretched his legs out, setting his plate on his thighs and grabbing his soda, taking a sip.

"This whole spa anniversary thing... it's sounding better and better by the minute."

He smiled slowly.

"You and me... a hot tub... massage oils...."

Die grinned over at him.

"There's massages and mud baths and facials and all kinds of shit."

Though, at the word facials, he couldn't help but snort, his perviness having been suppressed so long even childish shit made him laugh now.

Kaoru didn't catch on until Die started laughing, giggling with him.

"You're such a skank. It's why I love you."

He kissed Die's cheek and winked.

"Maybe we can actually, uh... have both definitions? It's been forever since we've had sex. I think we should start working it back into our lives now that I'm not so useless."

Die sort of perked up, turning his astonished look on Kaoru.

"You... we... we can?" he asked, almost not daring to believe it.

He'd been doing his best to get by mostly on porn and then on that one session a while back with Fea and Kyo. But other human contact was what Die craved. It'd actually gotten to the point where he'd slink off and go to his office with pretext of working, work for an hour or so with the door closed, save and close everything, and then watch porn while using a toy on himself, and then once he was done, he'd go clean up and show up next to Kaoru to at least cuddle with him, sometimes almost in tears he did his best to hide. It was just so emotionally cutting to him to not have Kaoru there while he got off sometimes, to not be involved. But asking him to help when he couldn't do anything for Kaoru was equally as devastating, if he was honest, and he'd learned to avoid that as well.

Kaoru nodded, nuzzling his lover's shoulder.

"Yeah, really. I've still had a pretty low libido, but I got a boner in the shower the other day, and that's more than I can say for the last few months. I miss being with you."

Die liked this piece of information, grinning at him.

"Oh?" He took a bite of rice, swallowing a moment later.

"And, pray tell, did you do something with it?" he glanced at him in a significant sort of manner, making it clear he wanted specifics.

Kaoru laughed in a sort of embarrassed manner.

"Well... yeah. I blew like a teenager, I hardly had to touch it."

Die chuckled and leaned over to kiss him gently on the cheek.

"Mmm... it'll be nice to actually be able to... well... be with you again. It's been..."

He trailed off, not wanting to tell Kaoru it'd been difficult for what amounted to such a stupid thing. But the truth was, it had been. Kaoru nodded, frowning.

"I know, baby, I know..."

He rubbed Die's leg and went back to eating, dropping the subject for the time being. He really did hope things could get back to normal, but he knew it would take a while, simply for sake of it having been so long. Die flushed slightly and then nodded, feeling bad that he'd made the other frown with what he'd said. He licked his lips a little and ran his hand through his hair before focusing on eating, ducking his head a little. Maybe he'd do better to be quiet for the time being. Kaoru let the subject drop for the time being and went back to his food, finding a piece of potato and offering it to Die.

Die leaned toward him, taking the piece in his mouth and chewing it, smiling softly.

"Your cooking is amazing."

Kaoru winked, leaning to kiss Die with a peck to his mouth.

"You've had my mom's cooking. It's genetic."

Die laughed softly.

"Mmm... true enough," he murmured, "runs in the family."

The thought struck him that at least bitchiness didn't run in his own family, or he'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble. It just appeared his mother had had a genetic malady that he could only hope to continue to escape. The sudden burn of the memory of his mother left a sour taste in his mouth and he ducked his head a little, stabbing at some fruit to try to cover it, pain slicing through him. _Why did it still hurt?_ He'd hated her, hated all she stood for... and yet, he found himself upset by her death, even now, months later. It just made no sense.

Kaoru didn't question it when he sensed Die go distant and a little dark on him, only leaning over to kiss his lover's cheek and pat his knee. He finished his small portion of curry and sipped his soda, enjoying the sun and fresh air.

"You know, I don't think I recall Fea and Kyo really celebrating their year anniversary... They've been together a year now, right? Wasn't it before you and me had our one year?"

Die glanced up at the other and gave him a little smile and a shake of his head, glad for the distraction.

"Actually, I think it was after ours, a few weeks...ish."

Kaoru thought about it a moment, eyes going up as if searching for the information in his head somewhere.

"Yeah, you're right. That was..."

He shut up quickly and then continued in a quieter voice that was muffled with shame.

"That was when you went out to see him and Fea was there..."

Die swallowed a little, his eyes betraying the memory for a moment before he looked away again.

"Let's... not associate that with their anniversary... yeah?"

He winced and leaned over with a piece of apple offering it to Kaoru. Kaoru took the apple and nodded, making a zipper motion across his mouth and a thumb's up. He watched Mako trot off and bother a mockingbird, laughing when the bird pecked Mako's head and sent the dog running off again, offended.

"Dummy..."

Die watched the dog, feeling like he'd started this out with perfect intentions and was now somehow failing. Maybe he'd lost his touch - what little of it he'd had to start with - during this time that Kaoru had been healing. He had no idea, but he did know he needed to get things back on the right track.

"So what do you think you're going to want most from the spa trip?"

Kaoru hummed, thinking about it.

"Just being with you, really. Celebrating that, despite all the bumps and bullshit we've been through, we've made it two years together, and still in love."

He smiled, obviously having meant what he said, not just pouring sugar on it.

"A massage would be nice, too," he amended, laughing.

Die tilted his head a little and then smiled softly.

"You... are sweet."

He smirked a bit and then reached for a grape, popping it into his mouth. Kaoru shrugged and leaned to kiss Die's ear, loving on him.

"It's true, though! After all the shit we've both been through, it will be so nice just to get away and be with each other, find a home base again."

Die nodded.

"We've been through a lot in this technically short time span, haven't we?"

Kaoru nodded, crossing his legs and leaning on Die.

"We have... it's nice to be through it, but at the same time, I feel like I've forgotten how to be normal and just in love with you without worrying all the time. It will be nice to remember how."

Die shifted to take a bite of the curry Kaoru had put in, chewing and waving his hand in front of his mouth for a moment before swallowing.

"I do, too," he murmured softly. "But I think it'll be good for us... this escape for a few days."

Kaoru sighed.

"Definitely. Hell, it would be nice, anyway, but certainly after all this bullshit..."

He squeezed Die's knee.

"Still, though, somehow I'm sort of thankful for it, in a weird way. You were there for me the whole way. I don't know if I'd ever have such certainty or appreciation of how faithful and loving you are without this. I hope you know how thankful I am to have you."

Die offered him a little smile, his hands fidgeting in his lap. Really, all the stress, all the job switching and the bullshit of employers on top of Kaoru's near death several times, had been eating his alive. But maybe things would be smoother from here, something he could relax into again. For certain, he would always worry, though he wanted to - once in a while - be able to not be on edge. Kaoru packed away his lunch and sipped on his soda.

"My ring almost fits again."

He wiggled his naked left hand, the engagement ring Die had given him still, for the time being, on a chain around his neck.

"I'm too paranoid to risk wearing it and losing it just yet, but it doesn't slide right back off anymore."

Die smiled softly at him and moved to catch Kaoru's hand in his own, kissing his ring finger.

"I'll like it when it does fit again," he murmured.

Kaoru felt his cheeks go hot and he made a motion like pushing hair back behind his ear even though there was no hair there. Die let out a soft sound and pressed his kiss to the other's palm before nuzzling at it and blowing, making an odd sound and then chuckling as he let go of it. Kaoru let out a laugh, blushing a little and smacking Die playfully with the back of his hand on his shoulder. He kept staring at Die with a goofy grin on his face before he leaned in and kissed him.

"I love you, dumbass, you know that?"

He winced that he'd used the term, despite it being in a loving manner, and hoped Die caught on there was no harm behind it.

"Love you, too, asshole," Die replied easily, a dumb grin on his face as he shook his head.

There was no insult behind his words and there'd been none behind Kaoru's that he could tell. Kaoru wrinkled his nose and then nuzzled it against Die's cheek, using his shoulder as a pillow as he opened his book again. Makoto had wandered back to the water and had settled down in it, lying with just his back and head sticking out of the water. Die finished eating what he wanted for the time being. After a few minutes, he finally finished eating what all he wanted from the spread. He licked his lips a little and started putting things away. Kaoru helped him put the basket back together and then lain down again, patting the blanket next to him.

"So tell me about some of the stuff you've been working on?"

He'd seen a few pieces but had for the most part left Die to work. Die stretched a bit.

"Well, I've done three album covers for this indie band that one of Kyo's friends knew. They've paid me around a grand for everything, and it's not been difficult. They're not nitpicky, so that's nice. Then there's the one billboard I did for Seattle."

He patted his pocket.

"That one brought in about five grand. And now I'm working on a little side-project for fun and a band logo for someone local."

Kaoru clapped a little.

"Money _and_ doing something you enjoy! I can't wait to get back to my regular work schedule... I feel useless just sitting around the house. I'm so ready to get my old life back."

Die nodded.

"It's nice to be back doing this sort of thing. Bar tending was nice until I started working for that seedy-ass bar... and well... the alcohol problem."

He winced a little.

"By the way, I've gotten it under control I think... I had one small tumbler of whiskey about a week ago, and I haven't even wanted any again yet. It's... pleasure based... now that I'm not stressed out like crazy."

Kaoru nodded, closing his book around his finger and leaning over to nuzzle Die's shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you... for everything."

Die slicked his tongue out over his lower lip and then swallowed thickly.

"Thanks," he murmured, dropping his eyes to the ground, uncertain about the praise on such a thing.

But he offered a bit of a small smile and reached to pat Kaoru's thigh. Kaoru winked and then rubbed his arm, frowning. The chemo and the few medications he was still on had made his skin very sensitive to light and he was starting to turn pink already.

"What do you say to heading home and sharing a bath?"

Die peered at him and then nodded, noticing the other's slight burn.

"Sounds like a good plan."

He reached to start packing things up, taking mind not to squish anything in the process.

"I even have bubbles... if we want to be really..." he couldn't find the right word and laughed, rolling his eyes and using air quotes, "gay... about it."

Kaoru laughed, nodding, calling Makoto over and drying him off with a towel before clipping the leash on him and heading back to the car. He had another towel down in the backseat for the dog and loaded everything up, heading back towards home.

Die loaded the baskets up and then slipped into the car, feeling at least a bit more relaxed and enjoying that Kaoru had seemed to enjoy their time together. As they were taking the interstate back, Die's phone buzzed with a text from Kyo.

_Dumdum boyfriend is getting out of the hospital tomorrow morning. He's fine, more or less. We'll be home next week._

When his phone buzzed, he read the message and then gave a slight smile.

"Kyo says Fea will be out of the hospital tomorrow morning."

He texted back.

_Good deal. I really hope you two will be okay. Let me know if you need anything._

Kaoru smiled, nodding.

"Good. I knew he'd be OK, but it's nice to know Kyo isn't running around like a chicken with his head cut off anymore."

He pat Die's thigh, leaving his hand there until they had pulled up at the house. He let Mako out and grabbed the basket, heading inside, just leaving the basket on the counter. Die smiled a bit and then took the blankets and towels, heading inside as well. He ditched his shoes at the door and padded off to the laundry room, stuffing everything into the washer with some soap and then turning it on. No point in leaving it for later, he decided. Kaoru put some water on the porch for Makoto and then grabbed Die by the collar when he came back into the parlor, kissing him.

"C'mere."

He didn't bother explaining anything, leading Die over to the couch and setting him down on it, crawling up into his lap and kissing him again. Die looked a bit shocked when Kaoru grabbed him, giving him an almost worried look for a moment before clearly looking surprised. He allowed himself to be lead away from his path toward the office and then pushed onto the couch. When Kaoru settled in his lap, he was pretty sure his face rivaled that of some of the most retarded looking emoticons he'd ever seen on the Internet. At Kaoru's kiss, he let out a soft little sound and then kissed him back, a gentle, hesitant sort of thing. Kaoru nuzzled him, his hands working under Die's shirt.

"I'm sorry we haven't been together in so long. It wasn't always just me being sick, I just felt so cut off, emotionally, and I shut you out. Let me make it up to you?"

Die let out something that sounded like a confused whimper when Kaoru started touching under his shirt. But then the words of explanation came, and he almost felt like crying. He'd worked so hard to not even bother Kaoru with even seeing or hearing him masturbate, much less trying to initiate anything anymore. And now here Kaoru was, in his lap, apologizing and trying to start something. But all he could think of was if he'd caused Kaoru to feel emotionally cut off, and he couldn't help but feel bad about that. He simply reached and pulled Kaoru close to him, hugging him there and pressing his nose against Kaoru's shoulder, trying to get a fucking grip. Kaoru stopped being so forward, hugging Die back, kissing at his neck gently.

"I love you, baby. I told you, I want us back. All this bullshit nearly ripped us apart, but it's over now and I just want us back. Please let me try..."

Die wetted his lips and then gave a little nod. He steeled himself against this possibly not working before he finally pulled back from his 'hiding place' of Kaoru's shoulder and relaxed back against the couch.

"Okay. Let's try this."

Kaoru smiled softly, kissing him again. His hands started to wander once more, slowly taking off Die's shirt, his mouth moving to the other's throat and shoulders. He moved out of Die's lap, then, and started opening his pants, on his knees on the floor between his lover's long legs. Die did his best to relax and not start trying to hide everything. It took him a few minutes of Kaoru's movements to get back into the idea that he didn't have to hide his reactions from Kaoru right then. By the time Kaoru got to his pants, he was flushed and chewing on his lower lip, his hands on the couch beside him. Kaoru seemed pleased with Die's reactions, kissing his chest and pulling his pants open, working them down his legs, underwear and all.

"I know how bad you've wanted this. I'm sorry I haven't been able to give it to you sooner."

Die reached to gently remove his packer, setting it aside and keeping on hand on it, as if to make sure it didn't walk off. He flushed a little at the comment and then shrugged a bit.

"You've had your reasons, and I've dealt with it. It's okay. I'm not mad."

And really, he wasn't. Maybe a bit withdrawn, slightly skittish, but not mad. Kaoru sighed.

"I know, but still..."

He leaned down and kissed above the line of Die's pubic hair, rubbing his thighs. Die swallowed any further comments he had on the matter, a low whine coming out at the contact so close to where he wanted it to be. For a moment, panic gripped him as he realized he hadn't been 'tending the garden' so to speak since Kaoru hadn't been seeing it for the most part.

But resignation filled him as he realized that panic was probably about two minutes too late in the game. Instead, he murmured, "Sorry about…uh... the mess."

Kaoru giggled a little, shaking his head.

"It's not a mess."

He nuzzled his face against Die's stomach, his hands travelling higher up his lover's thighs, fingers teasing along his slit. Warmth shot through Die at the touch to his most intimate areas. His hips strained upward almost immediately and he let out a keening whine, one hand moving up to push through his hair and yank a little.

"Fuck," he gasped out, the word breathless.

Kaoru smirked, rubbing Die gently before sneaking a finger into him carefully. He then kissed his way down Die's stomach and began to suck him. Die let out a soft whine and then shivered slightly, closing his eyes and arching his hips up toward him.

"Please," he whispered, not sure why he was begging still.

Kaoru chuckled at Die's neediness, continuing slowly, his free hand rubbing up and down his lover's side. He worked in two fingers and pulled away from his cock, nuzzling his stomach.

"Mm, you smell like sunscreen."

He took a deep breath of it in through his nose and gave a little laugh back out, kissing the closest skin he could find. Die let out a breathy chuckle. "Not the most pleasant thing to smell like, I'm sure," he gasped out.

He spread his legs a little more and arched his hips, closing his eyes, wanting things to continue. Kaoru shook his head, pressing his face to Die's stomach more, his fingers stroking inside of him.

"Mm, no, I like it."

Die tried to move the other a bit so he was pressing his fingers in the right place against the front wall of his insides. He bit his lip a little and the moaned.

"Fuck!" he hissed out.

Kaoru worried at a nipple for a moment, taking Die's lead and finger-fucking him for a bit before he felt something like pity for how needy Die was. He pulled away and kissed his lover's mouth.

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

He ran off into the bedroom and was heard fumbling around for a bit before coming back out with red cheeks, wearing one of Die's strap-ons, lubing it up.

"Is this all right?"

Die squirmed a bit on the couch, his entire body feeling flushed from the actions of his lover. He could feel himself slowly losing it to the movements, to the emotions and feelings the other was giving him. Masturbation was one thing... and even sex with Fea and Kyo was another. But nothing could add up to what Die desperately needed from Kaoru, something he hadn't had in a very long time... had almost given up on entirely, prepared mentally to be without it for the rest of his and Kaoru's lives together. But here he was, in the midst of it, and it made him feel like he was floating on cloud nine. But then Kaoru told him to wait, he'd be back and Die felt himself almost want to whine. He pressed his thighs together, closing his eyes and trying hard not to move or do anything about his arousal right then.

When Kaoru came back, Die opened his eyes and let out a quiet little moan. Maybe it wasn't as good as the real thing, but the effort was there, and he was happy to know Kaoru would be willing to do such a thing just to please him. He bit his lower lip and then nodded, spreading his legs once more. Kaoru got back down on his knees and pulled Die to the edge of the couch, kissing his jaw.

"This is sort of awkward," he said in a tiny voice, giggling a little.

It was pretty weird, wearing a fake dick, but he knew it was better than nothing. He pulled Die closer and reached down to carefully guide the strap-on inside him, finding it even more awkward to try to actually use something he couldn't feel. He had no idea how Die did it. Die let out a tiny huff of a laugh, nodding.

"Welcome to my side of the game," he murmured softly.

His hips arched up to meet Kaoru's touch, helping him by adjusting the angle, knowing how difficult this could be. This strap-on was larger than Kaoru was, so it was a little weird to him, knowing it was Kaoru and not feeling the same thing he'd been so used to.

But with a little bit of fantasy-effort, he managed to forget, squeezing around it and whispering out heatedly, "You can feel me squeezing around you, can't you?"

He knew it'd help Kaoru stay in the mood if he told him the pieces he couldn't feel anymore. Kaoru pulled back slightly, pushing in again, the feeling translated somewhat. He knew Die was speaking figuratively to keep him aroused and into it, but he really could sort of feel it. He nodded, pressing his face to Die's neck, kissing at his shoulder as he began to make slow, experimental thrusts. Die reached for his lover then, looping his arms around his torso and clinging to him as Kaoru moved, his hips pushing up toward the other on each inward thrust. Biting his lip, he worked up to a faster pace, moaning quietly. His breathing sped up and he was reacting more and more to it, biting Die's shoulder and then sucking at the mark. Suddenly, he stopped, eyes wide, pulling back and looking at Die in half shock and half excitement.

"Shit, shit!" he hissed excitedly, pulling out and struggling to get the strap-on free. "I'm hard!"

He was too excited to care how odd the whole thing seemed, getting the toy free and stroking him half-hard dick, moving closer to Die again, kissing him deeply, trying to get turned on enough to be fully erect. Die groaned under him, arching and squirming as he saw fit. The whole thing was a struggle for him not to just randomly orgasm halfway through this, because he wanted to hang on until the end for that, wanted it to be one real good one rather than several. Kaoru's words caused him to let go, blinking up at him and waiting as his lover struggled with getting the device off. The very sight of Kaoru's hard dick made him feel warm inside and he pulled him closer again, his hand reaching down to help out as well.

"Baby," he whispered before Kaoru's kiss engulfed him.

Kaoru's breath hitched and he leaned into Die's touch, letting him do it. He tangled one hand in Die's hair and moaned against his lips, not having felt like this in almost a year.

"Kaoru," Die whined out against him, "Oh god, my sweet Kaoru."

He could almost feel tears threatening behind his eyelids, something he didn't dare stop, given how good of an emotion they were right then. Kaoru pressed his nose against Die's cheek, reaching down to grab himself by the base, moving down and rubbing his head against Die's slit, finding his hole and pushing in slowly.

"Oh fuck... fuck... baby, I've missed you so much, I'm so sorry..."

Die clung to him in a manner that could really only be best described as a Die-octopus. He curled his legs and arms around the other, pulling him as close as he could, tears sliding down his cheeks as Kaoru spoke, his face buried in the crook of the other's neck.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much," he choked out.

Kaoru clung to Die just as hard, thrusting deep and slow, feeling in a strange way like he was experiencing all of it for the first time. His body had changed so much, nerve endings had been re-educated and retrained. At Die's words, all he could do was let out a sob, moving deeper inside him. Die clung to Kaoru, his hips moving slightly against the other man's, his heart beating frantically in his chest. He'd wanted this so badly and now that he was getting it, he realized how much he'd been holding back and for how long. It didn't take much more than the thought and the feeling of Kaoru actually in him before he just completely lost it, his body spasming around Kaoru and a low whine coming from his throat. Kaoru felt Die flutter around him and looked at him in shock.

"Holy shit, I can still make you cum!"

He blushed then, realizing how dumb that had sounded, and moved closer, kissing him deeply as he kept thrusting, working himself closer to his own end. Die's hands frantically grabbed at Kaoru's shoulders and clawed at him, a constant whine bubbling up in his throat, his hips working with Kaoru's own. Kaoru leaned back into Die, kissing him as he moved a bit faster, moaning loudly into Die's mouth when he finally came. It was weak, but worth it. Panting, he stayed close, not moving away. Die buried his flushed face against Kaoru's neck, an excited flutter in his belly to have had his lover like this again. Tears still stung behind his eyes and he shivered with anticipation.

"I love you," he whispered out, his voice hoarse.

Kaoru let out a long hum of pleasure, hugging Die close.

"I love you, too, babe. So so much."

The pads of Die's fingers ran over Kaoru's back, pressing as if he were clawing at the other, though not doing it with his nails. It was desperate sort of gesture, one that told a lot about how much he'd needed Kaoru close like this and how much he'd been holding back and for how long. It took everything he had not to just break down sobbing, the lightest of tremors going through his body as he struggled to hold it all back. Kaoru gathered Die up in his arms, holding him close. The other didn't have to say anything at all; Kaoru knew to just hold him and not pull away until Die was ready, kissing at his neck and shoulder. Eventually the dam burst, no matter how hard he was holding onto it and he pressed his lips shut in a firm line, gently patting Kaoru to move, getting up once he did and heading to the bathroom. Slipping inside, he pushed the door closed and turned on the faucet, leaning over the sink and starting to sob uncontrollably, huge tears sliding down his cheeks, his entire body shaking. Kaoru's brow furrowed and he just watched Die go, finally shaking himself into action, going into the bathroom and hugging Die around the waist from behind, feeling tears in his own eyes to see Die seem so stricken.

"Die?.... Die, what?--"

He thought he had understood, but when Die had pulled away, it threw him off. He wondered if he'd done something wrong. Die turned into Kaoru's touch, one hand going to cover his mouth, trying to muffle the sound of his breakdown. He pulled the other close, long arms wrapping around him. If Kaoru chose to come after him, then he'd seek the comfort of his embrace. He'd tried to spare him the scene, but it didn't seem to have gone as planned.

Eventually, he managed to whisper out, "I'm sorry... I d-don't mean to be like this."

Kaoru held him tightly, pouting, feeling awful that Die was so upset.

"Is... is this a good cry?" he asked, hoping he'd understood when Die had started to cry just a moment before, but now he wasn't so certain.

Die nodded a little. It was both good and bad, good because he needed to get it out and it was caused by a good event. But bad because he hadn't wanted to do this at all. He shivered a bit and pressed himself close to the other.

"I just..." he drew in a shaky breath, "I've been holding things back... for too long."

Reaching behind Die, Kaoru turned the faucet off, rubbing his back.

"C'mere, come lay down with me."

He tugged Die towards the bedroom and up into bed, cuddling him.

"Just get it out, baby, OK?"

Die nodded a bit, huffing a bit to try to get in a full breath. He followed along after him and then moved to curl up next to him, burying his face in the other's shoulder and just curling up there, tears still streaming down his cheeks. It took him almost twenty minutes before he felt even remotely like himself again. When he finally pulled back and reached for a tissue to blow his nose, he looked exhausted from the whole ordeal. He wiped his cheeks and then offered Kaoru a weak smile.

"Please don't let this keep you from being close to me again. I... I have to admit I have been sort of keeping everything walled up inside and apparently not expecting..." his eyes cast toward the living room, "that to happen caused.... this to happen."

Kaoru laughed softly, shaking his head.

"No, no, it won’t keep me from loving on you."

He offered a still slightly watery smile to the other.

"I think... I'm okay now."

He wiped at his eyes and glanced toward the bathroom.

"Shower now?"

Kaoru reached out and wiped away a tear, nodding with a soft smile.

"Yes, shower."

Die got up and offered Kaoru his hand.

"So... um... that was quite the scene... huh?"

He looked a bit sheepish. Kaoru got up and went into the bathroom, starting the shower.

"Don't worry about it, all right? We've been through a lot, a good download of all the bullshit is good."

Die nodded a tiny bit and then padded in after him once the shower was on.

"Mmm... I just want you to know, I left the living room because I didn't want you to see me break all the way like that. I wasn't keeping the glue intact."

Kaoru rubbed Die's arm, frowning.

"You know you can open up around me, Die."

Die reached for the other, bringing him close and kissing his forehead before he murmured, "Now I can... now we're past the worst."

Nodding, Kaoru hugged him back before pulling him into the shower.

"Good. Now come get clean."

Die got into the shower, reaching for his shower gel and starting to soap up a loofah with it.

"We should really see your parents again... with things being better and all."

Kaoru started washing what little of his hair had grown back, nodding.

"Yeah... mom's been asking. Maybe this weekend?"

"I think that'd be nice. Maybe I can bring my fishing pole, and your dad and I can go out on the lake." He smiled softly. "Make a couple days out of it?"

Kaoru nodded, kissing Die's wet shoulder.

"Sure, I'll call them later this evening and see what their plans look like."

He smiled and started to wash himself off.

"I think I can make a pie or something before we go, bring it for them."

Kaoru snickered.

"Mom will probably complain that you're going to make her fat and then eat half of it, anyway."

"Yes, well... sounds fine to me."

He laughed and shifted to wash between his legs, wincing a bit from the sting of having had sex after quite a while of not. Kaoru washed off and rinsed, kissing Die's shoulder as he stepped out of the shower, drying off and grabbing the strap-on, cleaning it and leaving it on the counter to dry. He then pulled on some pajamas to wear around the house for the rest of the evening, checking his phone and letting out a loud laugh. He padded back into the bathroom and waited for Die to be done with his shower before showing him the text from Fea reading – _I should get concussions more often; this is how the munchkin is keeping me awake_ – _w_ ith a photo down Fea's body, covered in a hospital gown, to Kyo hunched over the bed and choking on Fea's cock, flicking off the camera, apparently having just realized as his lover snapped it that a photo was being taken. Die got out of the shower, smiling at seeing Kaoru there. He peered over at the phone, pausing with his towel in his hair. He let out a snort and shook his head a little.

"Dude, I think he's right. Concussions that get blowjobs like that seem like something to get!"

He slid up on the counter and gave a thumb's up.

"Should send him this back."

Kaoru snorted, snapping a shot of Die and sending it back off. He patted his lover's leg and kissed his knee.

"So what do we do tonight?"

He smiled a bit and ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at Kaoru's short hair growing back in.

"Let me dye your hair?"

Kaoru blinked at him, feeling at his short little brush coming back in.

"Dye it? Baby, there's hardly any there!"

He didn't know how Die intended to do much with his little buzz-cut growing back in.

Die let out a soft laugh.

"Trust me, I dye that bright pink and everyone will notice."

He smiled at Kaoru, happy at the prospect of fiddling with Kaoru's hair.

Kaoru tried to tug a piece of hair, but it was almost too short for that.

"Let it get to half an inch or so... then you can go crazy with it, OK?"

He leaned up and kissed Die's nose.

"I don't want you burning my scalp off," he teased.

Die pouted a little but left it at that. If Kaoru didn't want to right then, then he wouldn't push it. He patted Kaoru's shoulder and then wandered out of the room, heading toward the bedroom to go and put some clothing on.

Kaoru patted his butt as he walked out, going to the living room and flipping on the TV.

"Come cuddle me."

Die came back out once he had on a pair of loose sweats and a tank top, flopping on the couch and putting his feet up on the table.

"If you want cuddles, come over here and get them."

He pointed at his lap rather obviously. Kaoru lay down on his back and spreading his legs and arms.

"Cuddle!"

Kaoru frowned, kicking his legs a little to emphasize that he wanted to be a Die-pillow but finally hauled himself up and over, laying with his head in Die's lap, instead. Die peered down at him, a little bit lost. He'd expected to have the other sitting on him or curled up around him. But instead, he ended up with only his head. He ran his hand over the other's hair, gently rubbing at the fuzz. Kaoru made little gurgle-y purring noises at the petting, nuzzling his face in Die's crotch, essentially.

"When it cools down a little around sunset, do you want to walk Mako down to the river? I want to try to get myself back in the habit of at least walking every day until I can start running again."

Die watched Kaoru, sort of bemused. He shrugged and then nodded a little.

"I think Mako and I would like that."

Kaoru rolled over, grabbing Die's arm and draping it over his chest, holding onto it loosely. Die had sort of become furniture to Kaoru at times; his favorite piece, honestly. Rather than buying a husband pillow, he simply used his future husband _as_ a pillow. Seemed sensible to him. Die smirked a bit and just allowed Kaoru to move him around. That made him happy as well, knowing the other was at least enjoying this as much as he liked having Kaoru want to be so close to him. Die peered over at him and then gave him a lopsided sort of smirk.

Kaoru got bored and flipped through the channels, finding a program about hyenas, happening to tune in just as the topic of the female hyena's enormous clitoris and male-like social interactions was being discussed. He lifted a brow and chuckled, squeezing Die's arm.

"Baby, you're a hyena!"

Die blinked down at Kaoru, quirking an eyebrow and then snorting, shaking his head.

"Actually... that dick-wad that you met, Toshiya? He was a fucking hyena. His laugh, my god. I swear!"

Kaoru smacked a hand on his forehead.

"I remember. I actually startled me at first!"

Die snorted a little and the reached to run his hand through Kaoru's hair.

"Question. How would you feel about me working in a shadow bar? I got an offer from a friend I used to work with at the club. Would it bother you?"

Kaoru thought about it for a minute before shaking his head.

"I guess not, no. I mean, as long as it wasn't somewhere dangerous for you, you know..."

Die gave a little nod.

"Well, it'd be at least a steady income, which would be nice. And I'd be behind a screen when I wasn't bartending, so not an issue."

Kaoru nodded.

"Not a shitty part of town?"

He always had worries about Die working in seedy places and getting robbed or mugged or what-have-you.

Die shook his head.

"Actually it opened in uptown a few months ago. Shadow bars are for the rich and classy, not seedy perverts."

He smirked a bit. Kaoru stuck his tongue out.

"I'm a prude shut-in after the whole almost-dying thing."

He pinched Die gently, then rubbed the spot.

"If you wanna take the job, baby, I don't have a problem with it."

"It'll be good money and we could use the nest egg from it."

Kaoru let out a breathless chuckle, shaking his head. Raising a hand, he patted Die's cheek.

"All right, all right..."

Die smiled at him.

"But seriously, if you have an issue, let me know now. If you do, it's fine, I'd just like to know before I say yes."

"I said no, baby. Hopefully nothing will happen at your job that will change my mind about that."

Die nodded and shifted to pull out his phone, quickly texting his old work buddy to say yes. After a few texts, he put the phone down.

"Interview Wednesday."

Kaoru clapped a little.

"I'll make sure you look extra sexy when you go."

Die smiled softly and then nodded a bit.

"I'd love to have you doll me up. It'll make me feel sexier."

Kaoru hummed a little chuckled, tugging Die down for a little kiss.

"I get jealous, sure, but I can't help I get a sick satisfaction out of other people wanting to fuck your brains out and not being able to. I'll make you look like the hottest piece of ass in a ten mile radius."

Die laughed softly, a smirk on his face.

"Only in a ten mile radius? I know you can do better than that, baby."

Kaoru stuck his tongue out.

"My skills are rusty, don't get greedy, pumpkin."

Winking, he reached up to play with the ends of Die's hair.Die laughed.

"Okay, give me twelve then."

Kaoru gave a snort, but nodded, seeming to consent to that.

"Maybe you should practice? Give me a private showing?"

He waggled his eyebrows in a rather ridiculously insinuative look.

"I could rig a sheet up in the study, put a light behind it... not that hard."

Die grinned at him.

"Actually, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I'd love to do some test runs, make sure what I do actually looks erotic behind the sheet."

Kaoru practically ran off, going to the office and quickly figuring out how to rig a sheet caddy corner across the room. He set some of his lights behind it and called Die in to test it out, not sure he'd even gotten the lights right to produce the correct kind of shadow. Die started to laugh, watching Kaoru dart off. He went to the bedroom and quietly changed into booty shorts and a loose shirt so it would be easy to get off in a few minutes. He pulled on his heeled boots and then headed into the office at Kaoru's call.

He stood behind the sheet and murmured, "Do the lights look right?"

Kaoru adjusted some of the lights for a moment before sitting down in his office chair.

"All right, you're good."

Die picked the CD he was going to use and quickly popped it into the CD player on his computer. He waited on it to start playing. When it did, he took his spot behind the sheet and started in a kneeling position, his head down and shoulders hunched. As the music swelled up, he slowly began to rise and then shifted into a sexy pose, knee bent, hip cocked, and his arms out. Slowly, he started to move to the music, doing a mixture of inspirational dance and stripper-pole moves. Kaoru settled himself in an office chair, biting at his lip as he watched Die. The shy part of him thought this was a bit silly, but the rest of him, mostly his dick, thought that Die was damn near too gorgeous for his own good. He moved like he was made of sex in a way Kaoru couldn't even imagine being able to do. Even as Yuuko, he felt like he was more showy than honestly sexy. But Die? Die might as well have been born in booty shorts.

Die's body moved to the beat as though he were making love to the music itself. One long arm shifted out to the side from his body, wrist bent at a delicate angle. Drawing from things he'd seen Kyo do, his wrist moved, hand flexing in a way that was somehow sensual and powerful at the same time as he pulled his arm back in toward his body, hiding it in the shadows of his torso, the other arm lifting above his head as he lowered himself into a crouch again.

Kaoru watched with rapt attention, shifting around as he started to become aroused. He had a goofy smile on his face and lifted his pinkies to his lips, whistling through them. Die continued to move with the music until the song came to an end, his body slowly sinking to the floor in a collapsed position. The song fully stopped and he got up, smirking as he came around the curtain.

"So, how'd I do?"--

Kaoru tucked one leg up into his lap, grinning.

"Very good. Very sexy."

He pushed up and put his arms around Die's neck, giving him a short kiss.

"Good. Do you think I can get the position?" he tilted his head a little. "Or is there something I need to change?"

He carefully moved to perch on the edge of Kaoru's chair and kissed him back. Kaoru shook his head.

"Don't change a damn thing, baby. If you can't get a job doing that, they're expecting Apollo to float down from the sky or something and apply."

Die chuckled, moving to nuzzle against Kaoru's cheek.

"Mmm... well, I'm glad you enjoyed it at least.”

He patted his thigh and then murmured softly, "So... should we walk Mako or something?"

Kaoru thought about it for a minute, then nodded.

"Sure, I bet he'd enjoy it."

He patted Die to get him to stand before getting up, himself, going to dig some sneakers out of his closet. Die got up and wandered off to go and change his outfit. He put it all aside and then put on a pair of tight red and black zebra-striped jeans, ripped at the knee and a black tank top. He put on his boots and then whistled for Mako, picking up his leash and jingling it. Kaoru didn't bother looking nice, just putting on a hoodie over his pajamas and slipping into sneakers, going to the porch and waiting on Die to clip the leash on Mako.

"Just down to the river and back?"

Die put the leash on the pup and noted that he was less pup and more full-grown dog now. He smiled a little and patted his head, causing him to give a little woof. He stood up and then nodded.

"Yeah, down to the river sounds good."

With that, he set off, his pace slow and built mostly for pleasure and not going places quickly. Kaoru tucked his arm in Die's, falling into stride with him. They passed Fea and Kyo's house, empty for now, and Kaoru surveyed the lawn.

"On the way back, I should water their plants," he said, more as a reminder to himself.

Fea had something of a garden starting, with flower beds along the porch and hanging plants along the railings, some of them looking rather ready for a drink. Die nodded.

"We should... I think he'd appreciate it."

He sniffed slightly and then abruptly was yanked forward as Mako tried to rush after a stray cat.

"Mako! Stop pulling!"

Kaoru made a sharp noise that made Mako jump and go back to walking beside Die, hanging his head a little, still sniffing at the group where the cat had run across. Die huffed a bit.

"Damn." He shook his head. "I think we need to walk him more often if he's freaking out over a cat again."

Kaoru frowned.

"He did sort of get neglected when I was at my sickest... but we can get him back to his usual routines and stuff and he'll be fine."

"It was my bad. I should have paid more attention."

He shrugged a little and turned down the last bit of the street toward the river path. Kaoru shushed him, kissing his cheek.

"You did the best you could, and your best was pretty fucking amazing."

Die gave a little smile as he paused, holding open the metal gate for Kaoru and Mako to go through. Once they were, Die looked a bit more pleased, padding down toward the river. He made a face at the trash off to the side.

"Should make a community project of coming down here and cleaning this shit up."

Kaoru frowned, nodding.

"That would be a good idea. Maybe once Kyo and Fea are back? That way even if it's just the four of us, we can get a lot of it cleaned."

"Sounds good to me."

He made it down to the water and knelt down, watching Mako go prance around in the shallows, scaring some tiny fish. He picked up a stick and absently drew a heart in the mud, putting K + D in the middle of it and then tossing the stick where Mako could go after it on his full leash extension. Kaoru looked down at the drawing in the mud and smiled, squeezing Die's hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a photo of it, setting it as his background before tucking the phone back in his pocket.

"Maybe once I'm a little better, we can take a day hike with Mako? I miss being out in the woods somewhere."

"Yeah, I think that'd be good for us all."

He watched Mako, a tiny smirk on his lips as the dog rolled around with the stick like it was a playmate.

"We really need to pay more attention to him, too. He's getting antsy."

Kaoru made a little face, hugging Die around the waist.

"We'll get everything back on track, don't worry. Especially while Kyo and Fea are around, we'll be more likely to go out a lot and walk him."

Die nodded.

"It's true, we definitely would be more likely to do so with them around."

He placed his hand on the other's arm, thumb rubbing lightly at the soft skin.

"Think we should head back or want to stay a while longer?"

Kaoru looked around.

"I wanna stay a little longer, it's nice out."

He put his arm around Die's waist and pulled him to his side.

"I kind of feel like... coming back from the dead? I'm finally starting to feel like a real person again. This past year, I've just felt like a zombie."

Die leaned into Kaoru's touch, closing his eyes for a moment and licking his lips slightly.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," he took Kaoru's hand in his own and stared down at it, his heart feeling heavy for the moment.

"I've felt like I didn't know what would come of it all, where things would go and how it would all come out in the end. It's been... stressful."

"I know," Kaoru said softly, his voice dripping with apology. "We just have to keep going, though. It's over and I don't want to relive it, even in memories. I just want our life back." Kaoru wrapped his arms around Die and kissed his cheek. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

He gave a little smile, nuzzling Die's cheek again, leaning around him to watch Mako try to eat a dragonfly. Die gave a tiny nod and leaned into Kaoru's touch. He called Mako's name, wanting him to leave the poor beautiful bug alone. Kaoru leaned down and clipped the leash back on the dog, straightening up and patting Die's ass.

"Wanna take the short loop and head back?"

Die glanced over at Kaoru and he nodded. "Yeah, I think the loop would be nice."

Kaoru nudged into him, smiling and letting Mako trot a little ahead of them along the path. Die moved along, his eyes flicking between the branches of the trees and the stones on the path. He knelt down, picking one up and handing it back to Kaoru.

"Look at the purple in it."

Kaoru leaned over and squinted without his glasses.

"Oooh! We should tuck it into one of the window boxes, maybe, yeah?"

Die smiled softly to him and nodded.

"I think it'd be nice there."

He patted the other's arms, continuing along the way. It was honestly such a nice day, and he was enjoying being out in it. It was even nicer to know Kaoru could do this again, to know he had a hope of things ending up somewhere near what it once was.

  **The End  
**


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